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jq37 · 5 years ago

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The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 16 For Candia (Part 1)

The Second Most Stressful Conversation All Season

The Rocks family sails up to Cola River, concealed in Primsy’s ships with a small contingent of soldiers. As they go, they pick up another set of allies--the remaining knights from Theo’s order.

Ruby gets called to speak with her mom and dad and Cara asks her to close the door behind her. When she speaks, it’s with more candor than she’s ever used with Ruby that we’ve seen. She says that all she’s ever wanted for Ruby was her safety and she tried to secure that by protecting her from secrets but now she is truly a woman grown and the best way to protect her is by sharing secrets, an approach Ruby seems to appreciate.

Cara fills her in on what she and Amethar learned last episode--Ghee died before she married Amethar. That means she’s still queen, he’s still king, and though Rina is still Amethar’s first born heir, Ruby is also trueborn.

Ruby asks if they’re going to tell people and Amethar says he wants to wait. Things are heightened right now and it would make things weird in battle. Ruby says that if that’s what he wants, she won’t tell anyone. Ruby also says she doesn’t trust Rina’s people, something Amethar cites as another reason he doesn’t want to tell people yet.

Cara asks Ruby’s opinion on Rina and she says that she thinks she’s dangerous. Cara agrees and Amethar thinks she’s being a little harsh in her assessment but Ruby goes on. She thinks that Rina has tunnel vision in her hatred of the church and there are good people who follow the Bulb (again, Cara is a devout Bulbian). Cara chimes in that Port Syrup is in ruins because of her people. Amethar wants to delay all this talk but Cara drops an absolute banger of a line, “Amethar. The delay of conversation has been perhaps your most cardinal sin.”

Ruby thinks that maybe Rina can be good but her people are full stop, bad. She didn’t order Port Syrup sacked (good) but it was by her people in her name (bad) and she doesn’t seem super bothered by the collateral damage (also bad). However, she does think that maybe if she wasn’t surrounded by these people, she'd make different choices.

Cara says that with Rina on the throne, Candia’s future is written in flame. She says that Theo was pretty quick to join up with Rina and asks Amethar what he thinks he’ll do with the new info about his kingship. Amethar thinks he’ll be loyal so she thinks maybe they can tell him but Ruby points out that he’s not good with secrets. Cara says that’s a wise observation. She also says, in not so many words, that this is going to be a dangerous battle and during dangerous battles, sometimes people--like your husband’s pesky half daughter who is bumping your own daughter in the line of succession and has a merry band of war criminals--die.

“Hey, you’re talking about my daughter,” says Amethar.

“I am talking about the future of Candia,” says Cara.

She tells Ruby that if she doesn’t think it’s a good idea to talk to Theo, that’s fine, but she should listen to her heart. She has the sight for the future to come and “If fortune cannot be on our side, we will have to do what fortune cannot.”

The Most Stressful Conversation All Season

The ship continues to sail upriver. Brennan makes a little roll that he doesn’t announce but seems entirely too pleased about.

There’s a lot of debate about arriving and attacking and they decide to get to Dulcington late so they have cover but can attack when it starts to get light and have some visability for archers and such.

It’s the middle of the night as they approach their destination and Rina hears a knock at her door. It’s Swifty and, wouldn’t you know it, he just eavesdropped on a *reaaaaaal* interesting conversation by the royal family (we get a quick cut to Brennan’s mystery-roll). But before he can spill the tea, she stops to tell him (and Gooey who is also there doing the bodyguard thing) that she was *not* about the carnage of Port Syrup. They NEED to be better than that. These people may never accept her but she doesn’t want them to *hate* her. Swifty is like, “lol, about that.” She tells her what he heard--or at least *some* of what he heard. He tell her about the death/wedding timeline and about the fact that they’ve been sitting on the news for a day (leaving out the bits where Amethar defended her and Ruby thought she might be good) and implies that they’re waiting for her to die in battle (something Cara implied in fairness) or kill her themselves (a little more of a leap--but not by much). Rina, not quite seething but something akin to it, says that if they had just told her this information, she would have worked with them seeing as the crown was only ever a means to an end for her but they had to be dishonest with her. Swifty says he’s excited to waste all their enemies during the upcoming battle and, once it’s over, if she wants them to turn their slaughter efforts a little closer to home, she just has to say the word. In response, she says she wants to speak to Theo so she can seek his counsel. She also reiterates that the Port Syrup debacle was a full war crime and shouldn’t have happened regardless of her relationship with the Rocks family (Swifty and Gooey exchange a glance she doesn’t fully parse) and then Gooey gets Theo.

After some weird flirting with Gooey (he makes an appointment to get “slammed big style” [sic] by her), Theo shows up to talk to Rina. She says that she’s been helping the Rocks family a ton in battle but she’s only been rebuffed. Is it worth it? Should she keep helping them? Theo says that he’s known the family for a long time and they’re good people who wouldn’t hurt her. Rina says that Theo is an honorable man and she trusts that even if he doesn’t side with her, he’ll do the honorable thing. Then she tells her what she knows, info that he is, of course, hearing for the first time. On an 18 Insight check, he knows he’s not being lied to and he knows he has a choice to make. He remembers Lazuli, all those years on their first meeting, telling him to think for himself and he amends his earlier statement. He might have spoken too soon about Amethar. He’s reckless, he wishes he could have worked for any of his sisters rather than him, and he clearly doesn’t have love for all of his family based on the way he’s treating her. He’s officially Team Rina (like he kinda was before but even moreso). She makes it official by casting the Dedication version of Ceremony on him and he feels more connected to her than ever before (also +1d4 to all Saving Throws for 24 hours).

War is Hell (to Recap)

The group gets into position with a bunch of stealth checks to get ready for their dawn attack. Despite pledging himself to Rina, Theo doesn’t want to work against Amethar and he wants to tell Cumulus. Rina agrees since she doesn’t fully trust her people and she thinks it’s good to bring another trustworthy person in on this.

Right before fighting breaks out, Theo gives the CliffsNotes version to Cumulus (ie: there is some weirdness in the line of succession and the family is plotting without us) and also messages Liam that Rina is potentially in danger, getting back the message that he’ll for sure help protect her. Ruby rolls Insight to see if she can tell Theo’s being weird but with a Nat 20 deception check from him, she’s sure that Theo is loyal to them above all else and would never betray them.

OK guys, here’s the deal. Almost everything else in this episode is truly just chess. Moving units across the board. Taking out troops strategically. Placing minis. Stuff like that. Not at all interesting to recap or read. So all you really need to know is, “The Rocks family and their numerous allies (cheese sailors manning catapults, monks, Candian fighters) get into position and the fight begins at dawn, with them doing pretty well once it starts.” Pretty much everyone gets to do at least one clutch thing and you can check out the episode if you want more detail than that.

The only really important thing to know is that Kerradin is there, Grissini is there, and Plumbeline is there. In fact, not only is she there, she comes down from the castle walls so she can ride in on her meep chariot and knock Theo prone.

Unfortunately for her, she hasn’t gotten the news about Peppermint Batman. Three attacks+flanking+sneak attack+favored enemy damage+bursting arrow+hail of arrows=58 damage to Plumbeline immediately.

As she stands over Theo, two crossbow bolts explode through her eyes and she drops down dead.

And that’s it for this episode! Join us next week for the actual finale of a Crown of Candy!

1 Million Years Dungeon

SWIFTY!

Man, Swifty really is the personification of Brennan’s craving for some sweet, sweet PvP action huh?

You homicidal little chaos gremlin, it is BAFFLING that you have the queen’s ear and I hate it.

Things I’m Concerned About

Emily had Rina use the word “fools” and I know that she grew up on the same Disney movies that we did where fools is an antagonist exclusive word. Hate the implications of that!

Do you remember what I said about Cara in her literal first appearance? I generally like her but I’m getting some light Lady Macbeth vibes. Well here we are. It was so weird to see her and Ruby getting along but I really loved the scene. So tense and so careful with every word. (Also, I *knew* that info was going to get to Rina as the conversation was happening and I was bracing for it but it was still like, damn).

We still haven’t gotten to, “Family is exposed, family is vulnerable.”

That look Gooey and Swifty shared? Don’t love that.

So, as I’ve been concerned about for a while now, we’re gearing up for some PvP. It still doesn’t have to happen but things are getting dicey and lines are being drawn. Theo has made his allegiances known and Cumulus from way back when said he stands with the magic of Candia, not the Rocks family--plus he just pledged his whole order to her. Ruby and Amethar obviously are on the same side if this happens (though you know no one wants to avoid PvP more than him) and I think Liam would be more inclined to stay with the family if it comes to it, though he also doesn’t seem like he’d be down for this.

Continuing on from my last point, if there’s a big PvP fight potentially on the horizon and the other side has a DRAGON and also ALL THE HEALS...mmm, I wouldn’t love that. Oh also, I didn’t mention it in the recap but Rina said she wasn’t gonna waste her spells on Ruby/Amethar anymore which is a SCARY THING for your HEALER to say before the FINAL BATTLE.

Edit: I forgot to mention (s/o to @fjordgofurther for the sideways reminder)! Because of the way it’s been framed (“we will have to do what fortune cannot”) and because of the poetry of it and, practically speaking, because they’re the two main casters, if it gets to PvP I can see it ending up being Rina and Ruby, head to head and...do not care for that image one bit lemme tell you.

Five More Things

I am VERY happy that Rina told off her crew about their casual war crimes because it would have dropped by opinion of her HUGELY if she was just chill about it.

I don’t want to downplay the amount of work that went into the battle stuff in this ep. There were a lot of cool large scale battle mechanics and home rules for fighting with troops and letting them use your abilities and stuff. But it’s very hard for me to recount that without sounding like a history textbook chapter on the Civil War or something and I’m not Ken Burns.

Place your bets. Blessed Ally Nat 20 on the wish-egg-seed or on icing Kerradin?

Very wild that they destroyed the afterlife RIGHT before this fight. Like, before they knew that if they died, they could at least still talk to their loved ones to some degree. But now that’s gone. Perma-death is suddenly extra-perma. I wonder if that was a conscious choice on Brennan’s part.

Did I ever get to say, “newly *mint*-ed” with regard to Liam’s Peppermint Batman status? I don’t remember and it would be a shame if I hadn’t.

I have more thoughts but this episode ends so clearly midway through the action that I feel it’s best to leave them for the actual finale.

One More Thing!

As I’ve mentioned on here before, I’m working on an audiodrama podcast which should be dropping later this year! Absolutely No Adventures, a podcast about avoiding dangerous quests, making weird friends, and baking. It’s also a podcast about baking.

The Twitter handle is @noadventurespod and we just got our art!

I’m very excited to start releasing stuff for it and I hope some of y’all check it out!

#a crown of candy #a crown of candy spoilers #dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #the royal report #i love my cover art so much!#the moment acoc is done that's my new pinned post #this recap was so short...I'm Concerned the next one will be a total monster

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thatdamnokie · 5 years ago

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so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

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haeddoti · 5 years ago

Text

This is my first blog-post and it is about some of the books I read between year 7 and 11 in my German high school. These books aren’t in a particular order, I just wrote all of them down and took some notes to guide me along. I’ll give a brief summary and then my thoughts about the books.

Without further due, let’s get into the series!

Nr. 1 “Hexen in der Stadt-Ingeborg Engelhardt”

We read this book in seventh grade and immediately after reading (actually during reading as well) we asked ourselves how and why someone thought “Hell yeah, that’s a topic for 11 year olds” since the book is originally listed for grade 5 and 6.

The story takes place in a German town during the Thirty years war, the witch hunts are running wild and the church is all over the place. The story follows a family of four who live in this town, the father is a doctor, one daughter is read-headed and the other a sleep walker. And although the father is greatly needed in this time, the towns people are really suspicious of the family, and they have to flee the city.

First of all, the book was so dense, it was almost unbearable. Definitely not something for children and yet the book won the “Youth literature award” in Germany, so I guess it wasn’t too bad after all. I honestly don’t remember a lot from it, I know we watched a horrible movie about it and I also remember that the pacing(?) in the book was weird, because the first 80% or so took reaaaally long to read through and virtually nothing happened and then in the last 20% everything happened all at once and it was just too much.

Nr. 2 “Am kürzeren Ende der Sonnenallee-Thomas Brussig”

The only (apparent) reason why we read this book was because we had our final class trip to Berlin in year 10.

The setting is the DDR, East-Berlin to be precise, somewhere around 1970ish. Our protagonist Micha lives in a street which was cut in half my the Berlin Wall and he, unfortunately enough, lives in East-Berlin. He frequent meets with his friends in a nearby park where they listen to West-Music and swoon about Miriam, the neighborhood beauty who is kinda a not-like-other-girls-girl.

All in all, the books is about searching happiness and thinking about how it is so very close and yet never being able to reach it.

It was comfortable to read and overall it was an okay novel. I don’t remember much about it, although I literally read it a year ago. The insight about east-Berlin was cool, and the author definitely implemented own experiences and as someone who grew up in post-split Westgermany it was rather informative and interesting. The quote on the back of the book was also pretty.

“Happy people have a bad memory and rich memoirs”

Nr. 3 “Frühlings Erwachen-Frank Wendekind”

(Springs Awakening)

Oh. My. God. This whole topic was such a BS and I hated every second of it.

The book takes place, once again, in a German Town in a time where there is no Sex-Ed, aka 1900th century, which is also the topic of the book; Sex-Ed gone wrong. Our first protagonist Wendla grows up in a home with a loving, strict mother and far, far away from everything unholy like sex. Our second protagonist, Melchior, is a really smart, really handsome boy who is the top of his class and who likes to read provocative literature which makes him think about masturbation. His best friend is also handsome but really stupid but the social pressure keeps him from dropping out of school- that and his strict, abusive father. Melchior and Wendla fall in love (he hits her with sticks after she metions that she has never been hurt before), have Sex(he rapes her) and after Wendla gets pregnant and dies after an attempted abortion via poisonous plants her aunt have her, Melchior is only mildly devastated. He turns sad, and kinda crazy, after his best friend commits suicide. He has a rendez-vous with the ghost and death itself, he is happy again? I dunno, the whole book was all over the place.

Worse than the book was the discussions we had in class afterwards. One time we had to argue whether it was in-fact rape or if it was just sex. Second discussion we had was about Wendla being a masochist.

The worst thing about the whole topic was the stupid ass movie adaptation.

You think Percy Jackson has it bad? Oh boy. Ohhh boy. The movie plays in the 2000s, graffiti, cool skater boys, rapper-wannabes and early 2000s fashion included. The names stayed tho, cause why not name the male protagonist Melchior in 2001. There are scenes where teenagers, TEENAGERS, go to a brothel. Ah, I forgot.

They are 13-14, book and movie alike.

10/10 would NOT recommend.

Nr. 4 “Der Besuch der alten Dame-Friedrich Dürrenmatt”

(The visit)

(No, not the horror movie)

Oh my goodness, I loved this book.

Picture this. A small town in a German province far away from any major cities with a single trail connection between Hambourg and Zurich, aka the whole length of Germany, where virtually nothing happens. One day, a former resident, comes for a visit. But not just anyone, Claire frikking Zachanassian comes for a visit.

And for blood, because this sixty-something, badass multi-billionaire who got her fortune by marrying a bunch of men who died coincidentally one after the other proposes to the town an offer.

One billion for the head of the man, Alfred the third, who expelled her out of the town after getting her pregnant and lying about it in court after she sued him.

They sent her away in the train, called her a hoe and laughed about her. She lived in a brother for a little while, her son died, and a horny, rich man decided to marry her because why not.

At first the towns people are disgusted by the offer, outraged by the immoral offer and they straight up deny it. “I’ll wait, Claire says”.

You see, the town is really, really poor. Not only because it is in a terrible location commercially wise, but also because Claire bought every factory in the town and brought them all to a stand still to slowly dry the city out. She planned this revenge.

And you see, the proposal of 500 million split between the inhabitants and 500 million for the industry of the city sounds great if you are on the brink of disaster and hunger and misery. But surely, with such an immoral offer, no one would want to commit a crime? Or would they.

Because, now that I look at it, Alfred really did something horrible… maybe, just maybe I can allow myself to stack up some dept.

And Alfred grew more and more paranoid. Begging Claire to stop this, apologizing on his knees, crying and sleeping with one open eye at all times.

We discussed in our class what we would do. We didn’t really came to a conclusion since we had nothing to compare, not one of us was ever asked to make such a decision. “It depends” was our final answer.

They do kill him in the end. It doesn’t end happy, Claire isn’t happy, but she does give the towns people their money. I really enjoyed reading this book. The female “antagonist” was refreshingly bad-ass and the moral despair was entertaining to read.

We learn that Claire is rich and powerful, but that she lost so much innocence, so much energy to enjoy her life in such young years that, as a reader, you cannot not sympathize with her.

Nr. 5 “Das Versprechen-Friedrich Dürrenmatt”

(The pledge)

Hands down the best book I’ve read in school.

This book is originally a critique by Dürrenmatt about the emerging detective novel genre where everything always works out.

The setting is in a Swiss town, 1950ish, and in the beginning the reader takes on the role of an author who meets a certain Dr. H who works for the police. They become friends and take a ride through the mountains. Upon taking a stop at a gas station, Dr. H introduces us to a seemingly old, smoking, alcohol-reeking man and a scruffy looking girl. The narrator is confused, asks who these people are, and back in the car, we learn that this is the former detective, no-one-escapes-me, super-brain Matthäi.

From that point on the narrator switches and we are now in a third person narrator perspective.

Matthäi is introduced again, this happening in the past, as a hard-working, clean, structured man who doesn’t smoke, drink or disobeys rules. No one really likes him in the office, but they value that he just so good at his job. But because he is so unapproachable, they want to sent him away to Jordan.

The week he was planning to travel there, a young girl is raped and then brutally murdered in a small town nearby. And because he is Mister Superbrain, he goes there to help investigate.

The other officers at the crime scene are (understandably) uncomfortable, they don’t want to talk to the family, or the people there in general. So Matthäi talks to everyone. He is a very calm, collected, cold man. So he meets with the family, tells them what happened to their daughter and is utterly, completely shocked when the mother just blankly stares in his face, and asks him to promise her to find the murderer of her daughter. He is shocked by the lack of emotion in this moment and sees himself in this cold visage of the mother. He promises her, just to get away from her as fast as possible, and drives back to be office.

I don’t want to spoil too much because this book is just so good, but oh my god

I’m in general a sucker for drastic changes in character or demeanor (hence why I liked The Visit so much as well) but his book takes everything to another level. They “plottwist” is so incredibly frustrating and nerve wraking to read, the perspective changes provide so much more depth.

And for the first time I finally read a really intricate, morally gray character.

Nr. 6 “Nathan der Weise-G. E. Lessing”

(Nathan the Wise)

This book was kinda eh. If I had so summarize it as fast as possible it would probably be “Religion and accidental incest”. It is about the three world religions and stereotypes between them, about genocide and also about stigmatization. It ends on a nice note, tho.

The only really remarkable passage of this book is the so-called “Ringparabel” in which Nathan answers to the question which religion is the real, big OG of them all. It is pretty nice and the symbolism is really fitting as well. The beginning of the book is incredibly boring but it does get better in the end. All in all not a total waste of time and money but nothing I would read again.

Nr. 7 “Die Leiden des jungen Werther- Goethe”

(The sorrows of young Werther)

Ah yes, no German class without Goethe. This book is written in a way that lets the reader really seep into Werthers emotion because it is written as a letter-novel. Werther is a young, nature-loving guy who (in the beginning of the book) is just really happy, go-lucky and over all nice. Then he meets Lotte, a young, pretty, smart and book-loving woman who is empathic to all those around her. He falls in love with her, despite knowing that she is literally engaged and about to marry. She knows he loves her, her fiance know he loves her and literally everyone knows he loves her and they are ok with it? I dunno. Werther has a severe Seasonal-affective-Disorder. He kinda makes it through the first winter after meeting Lotte but never really recovers, even during summer. In the second winter, he can’t take it anymore and he commits suicide.

I liked the book (not only because I can identify with the SAD). In the end we learn that Lotte isn’t as good as we originally think she is; She is actually really possessive of Werther and although she wants him to be happy, she doesn’t think anyone is good enough for him and thus he should just stay close to her. She enjoys the attention given by her husband, who is actually really nice and whom she does love, and by Werther who is utterly and completely obsessed with her.

Opinions on this book split 50/50 with my friends. Some of them think like me and they see the heart break and the desire to move on but ultimately, the way attraction is so so strong. Some other friends, more specifically my Help-with-Maths-Go-to-Guy hated this book with a burning passion. I can see why. The imagery is sometimes a tad too far-fetched and the wording is, in true Goethe-Fashion really hard to read and the sentences are kinda messed up as well.

But in the end it is still the book which opened the way for Goethe to be one of the greatest writers in Europe and I can see why.

Oh wow. This concludes all the books I read thus far. There will be definitely more to come next year and maybe I’ll do another post like this once I read some more.

I hope you enjoyed to read my thoughts and maybe felt inspired to look into one of these as well!

See you soon!

#books #german highschool #goethe #durrenmatt #my thoughts and opinions #we read more but these are the ones i recall best

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lotus-mirage · 5 years ago

Text

episode 32 + 33 liveblog

this is going to hurt

I’m going to watch the opening again - hopefully I’ve bypassed most of the spoilers.

He snuck in!? That’s an awful idea, no!

He’s gonna get blamed for something else now, isn’t he.

:,(

This is a little hard to watch

She saw him! Shoot.

No! Don’t just - walk out like that! Ahhhhh

Disembodied screaming. Great.

Aaaand hallucinations.

:,(

The bodies....

And Wen Ning lost control again.

Hmm. Don’t think he actually was burned, considering he showed up in episode 2. Explains WWX’s surprise at that, though

Wait. They really didn’t see him standing there? I assumed that they just thought he was someone else.

Aaaaand he’s pretty much lost it. Great.

What was the paper that crumbled at the gate?

Are the teacups like a pledging support thing?

Okay, a funeral rite.

‘Bandit chieftains’. Right.

:,(

And there he is. Kind of unhinged sounding now.

Did. Did nobody see him up there?

Still honest, but yeah. Unhinged.

Jiang Cheng hasn’t said anything. :,(

I hate like. Half of the clan leaders.

He’s crying. :,(

Yeah none of these guys ever really supported him.

Who shot that!?

Well. The blood disappearing thing is new.

The brass in combination with the flute music is interesting

Are they not attacking the Jiangs? :,(

:,(

Generally don’t have a lot to say during fight scenes, and this one is kind of long. Sorry.

Oh! It’s LWJ! ...where is he jumping from? It kind of looked like he jumped down, but this is kind of the highest building.

:,(

Okay so on top of all the other emotions, the flipping and flying is making me laugh a little. It’s a weird combination.

How has the situation changed?

Oh. Uh. Hmm. Okay bringing his sister might normally be a good plan but I know she dies and... ahhhhhh.

LWJ’s protecting him!

Hhhhh I’m scared

She doesn’t even have a weapon

Oh no who’s that!

They’ve got a flute too. Oh no. That’s uh. That’s a great way to. Oh no.

Ohhhhh no

Oh and here’s the army from the first episode, I guess

Oh no

Ohhhh no

:,(

Everything hurts

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

GODDAMNIT

c’mon really

and now the vocals start up

Oh he’s got the force choke now

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ending there.

Fine okay I have time for another episode today in a few hours fuck

End notes for that one:

Who was the second flautist there???

Everything hurts again! Huzzah! :,|

- episode 33 -

Yeah guys maybe don’t provoke the freshly re-traumatized unstable uber-powerful black magic user. Seriously.

Oh jeez is he absorbing the things that were flying around?

Not sure - they may just be being redirected

He coughed up blood? Was that from his magic or an outside thing?

(Background reprise of the romance song, ow)

I can’t tell if LWJ is killing live cultivators or just the puppets.

Haven’t heard this instrument in this show’s music before, I think. It gives a weird tone to the music, a bit.

Wait. The sky just lightened. It matches the opening scene now. How?

He broke the amulet?

Shoot, didn’t it influence Wen Ning? Is that why he seemed so out of it in episode 2?

Aaaand here’s the opening scene.

:,(

The laughing bit is new.

Owww

LWJ’s face

Jiang Cheng is still mourning in the middle of the battlefield

Owww

Ahhhhh

He’s still asking him to come with him

This scene is so slow - contrasts the last few and gives it weight. Which is good, but. Ouch.

Ohhhh he didn’t even respond, just let himself fall

Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

This entire scene is just. Very painful

Oh no Jiang Cheng

He’s not even walking quickly. :,(

LWJ’s face

All of their faces just hurt

He didn’t actually stab him. That’s. That’s actually worse. Oh my god that hurts so much worse.

The closeups on their faces, too

Owwwww

Okay I had to take a break for a minute there. Time skip time. 16 years. Wow.

You’d think that’d hurt less - it’s literally the first thing we see! But I guess if this happened sequentially I might have been frustrated too. That’s mostly staved off because I knew it was coming, so it felt a little inevitable.

Oh LWJ’s playing the song. :,(

Oh wait he’s got wwx right there

I guess the hiding-his-identity jig is up

Right, right. The recap is absolutely necessary here.

Did. Did Jiang Cheng not even refer to him using his full name? :,(

Is LWJ’s hairstyle a little different? It feels off, but I genuinely cannot tell

They really did just skip over any identity shenanigans

Three years later? Why three years?

LWJ looks tired

I feel like we skipped some things. Wasn’t the dancing statue that shattered an illusion? Where’s everybody else?

I guess they were kind of close to the Cloud Recesses, but it feels weird that they skipped over any hassle getting him there. Although I guess they can fly, so.

This music is really nice

:,( the flashbacks

Wait, didn’t this whole place get destroyed when the Wens attacked? I guess they did a really faithful job reconstructing it.

Awwww the bunnies

I’m a little confused that he seems to just be allowed to walk around here

I was going to comment on LWJ not having a shirt on, but it does have a purpose. I’m no expert, but some of those scars look. Pretty deep.

Whips and a brand!?

Oh. They were probably for helping WWX. Or maybe endangering Jiang Yanli? :,(

The clans that I feel have more power and inclination towards this sort of thing probably cared a lot more about the former.

‘Underworld chamber’? That’s new.

It’s the nice baby-faced cultivator! The only one that I can recognize.

...How did that specific family happen to own something effected by the amulet?

Did. Did he have to use a spell to open the door.

WAIT. He can use non-red/black/evil magic again!

If LWJ’s taking over for the Grandmaster, does that mean he’s more powerful than him now? Wow.

Playing a flute might break any remaining semblance of a cover he still has, though?

See, even wwx knows that

He’s playing the romance song in the middle of a spell-song? Why??

Is he asking for no more flute because he’s scared or because the music is bad, haha. That might just be an effect of a hastily-made flute, though.

The sword fell, but it’s still leaking energy. Not sure what that means.

‘Infected’ by the amulet how??

Yeah maybe don’t grab the evil sword again. Remember how the last one turned out?

Oh that’s not good

At least he let go of it?

Why is Lan leader always bleeding from his mouth, anyway

Lan Sizhui is kind of being given more prominence than the rest of the group. Even in the first couple episodes. That hasn’t really happened for a while, but I guess a not-insignificant portion of our cast just did get killed off so.

Oh, WWX is talking to him! Does he know, or are there still identity-shenanigans to be had?

Oh he doesn’t excellent we need something less heavy like that

The sword was planted there, all right. I... think I did have some earlier suspicions, with the guy that tossed money at the story-teller (teacher?) that just happened to be talking about WWX as he returned.

He’s in a coma!? Yikes. They know that already?

I’m glad that somebody is asking about the mask.

I honestly cannot remember if LWJ’s hairpiece was always this big.

Oh! Okay, Xue Yang is relevant again! And. Has a piece of the Yin Iron. Which. Wasn’t the only remaining piece made into the amulet? We’re there secretly five pieces all along?????

Okay good they’re addressing it.

Oh? ‘The man in black’ - is that the guy who talked about spirits or the one who paid the teacher???

Do we have a suspect?

No, okay. I do wonder what the guy’s goal might be.

Okay no I recognize the face of the guy next to Lan Sizhui - he was complaining, I think?

And they’re off already.

This is. Moving a lot faster than I expected it to.

Oh those portraits are awful, hahaha

Hahaha his face

Strong contrast from the beginning of this episode, was not expecting to be laughing so soon.

Hahaha, that was one way to make an entrance! Why, though?

!!! It’s the nephew! :D

Well. Okay.

End notes:

Uh. Very strong swerve in tone in this episode. I was not expecting them to delve back into comedy in the same episode that the main character died.

I’m a little lost, but I guess the next couple arcs will include Xue Yang or the mystery guy who planted the sword?

I. Really don’t have a lot to say, I guess. A bunch happened, but I don’t know what’s going to happen next, and I’m not solid on how I feel about anything. Kinda bemused? I’m glad that we seem to be done with the angst, but it’s kind of weird to be seemingly done with all of that (for now) so quickly.

#the untamed #mdzs #untamed liveblog #my thoughts

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obsidiancreates · 5 years ago

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Old Writing Part Two: Electric Boogaloo

Yeah so uh here’s the “Fandom School” one.

This one has not been seen by even myself since like... October of 2016.

Oh jeez. That’s so long ago. Fuck time.

So this is... the whole story. Each Chapter was super short, the first three are under 400 words, so I just stuck ‘em all in here.

This one... is from 12 year old Sid. Yup. Little baby Sid.

It is bad. I’m warning you now. But perhaps, entertaining. At the very least, a good example of being able to grow and improve with enough practice.

Chapter One: Fangirlish

Abby shouted as she hit the floor. Her brother came running in, a look of worry on his face.

"What was that thud?" he asked.

"I laughed to hard while watching Venturiantale and fell off the bed."

Her brother face-palmed.

"Come on, Jeremy. Don't face-palm. They're funny!" Abby said with a grin.

"They're all you think about! You really need to stop obsessing. "

Abby gasped and looked at him like he just asked her to eat a smelly boot. "How could you say such a thing! Plus, they're not all that I think about. I also think about Doctor Who, and Star Wars, and Tolkien stuff, and Percy Jackson, and My Little Pony, and Monster High, and Warriors. "

Jeremy sighed. "Those are all....what do you call them? Fandoms?"

"Indeed. However, I am obsessed with them because they are beautiful. They are fabulous in ways you do not understand, mortal. Be gone!" Abby cried. She grabbed the ballpoint pen she took with her everywhere and uncapped it. "Be gone, or else you shall face the wrath if Riptide! Wait, Riptide can't harm mortals."

Jeremy sighed again and left the room, muttering about Abby being weird.

Abby went back to her video, laughing her butt off. After she finished it she went and read some Percy Jackson fanfiction. She was deeply absorbed in a very interesting fanfic when her alarm went off. It was time. She got up off her bed and went over to her desk.

She sat down and took out her notebook. She put on some music, written by Venturian of course, and began writing. She was writing a fanfic about Doctor Who.

"Abby, there's someone here to see you!" her mom shouted. Abby sighed, but went downstairs anyway.

She entered the living room to find a girl around her age sitting on the couch. She had blond hair with blue streaks and green eyes. She was wearing a t-shirt that said 'Fandom U' on it.

"Hello Abby, "she said with a grin, "I hear you're quite the fangirl."

Chapter Two: A Fellow Fan

Abby was a little creeped out. Who wouldn't be if a girl you had never met before was sitting in your living room saying she had heard about you?

The girl seemed to notice that Abby was weirded out, and spoke again. "My name is Bell, by the way."

"Bell? Who names their kid Bell?"

Bell laughed. "My mom's favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast. Anyway, you're a fangirl, are you not?"

"Yeah, kinda. And by kinda, I mean totally." Abby said. She was still a bit creeped out, but Bell seemed friendly enough. "Why do you ask? More importantly, how the heck did you hear about me? That's kinda creepy, considering this is the first time I've ever seen you."

Bell smirked. "So you're asking to know my secret?" She said the last part in a creepy voice.

"Wait, you watch Venturiantale? Awesome! But, could you at least answer my first question?"

Instead of responding, Bell handed Abby a piece of paper. It looked like a letter you would get from school. "Here, read this. If you decide you want to attend, just call the number at the bottom of the page." With that Bell left, humming a tune Abby recognized as the theme of Rohan.

She went back up to her room with the paper and began reading it. At the top it said, in big, bolded letters, Fandom U.

That's what Bell's shirt said.

As she read the paper her eyes widened.

Dear Whom It May Concern It has come to our attention that you are a massive fangirl. We are pleased to announce that you have been accepted into Fandom U. All supplies we be provided upon arrival, should you choose to attend. Please note that some fangirls can be dangerous if you speak negatively about their fandom, and the school is not responsible for any injuries should you be insensitive enough to do so.

Sincerely, The faculty of Fandom U

Excitement came over Abby. "I'm going to Fandom U!" she screamed happily.

Chapter 3: Belonging

A few weeks later, Abby was all packed and ready to go. She had called the school and arranged everything. She was sitting at the bus stop, waiting for her transportation. She bounced her leg up and down, a nervous habit of hers. Finally a bus labeled 'Fandom U' arrived. The doors to the bus opened, and Abby couldn't help but stare at the driver.

"Well, get in!" the driver said through his mask. He was dressed in a full on Stormtrooper cosplay. As Abby stepped onto the bus, she wondered how he wasn't being baked alive in the heat.

She discovered that each row represented a different fandom. She took a seat in the Doctor Who section because it, somehow, had more room then the other sections. The bus started up, making the same sounds the T.A.R.D.I.S makes. Abby stared out at her hometown, feeling excitement at what lay before her. She leaned back in her seat, humming fandom songs. Normally people would look at her like she was crazy, but instead everyone joined in, humming with her.

She had found where she belonged, and she loved it. The whole bus ride was filled with fan theories, discussions about characters, and tons of references. It was the most fun Abby ever had!

After what seemed like only minutes, they had arrived. Abby looked up at the building in front of her in awe.

It was enormous, like a castle. Above the door there was a huge sign reading 'Welcome to Fandom U!'. The building was shaped in an unusual way. So unusual that Abby wasn't even sure what shape it was. The outer walls were painted with so many fandom symbols that Abby had a hard time seeing anything else.

"Abby!" a voice called. Abby turned around to see Bell running towards her. "Abby, great news! They made me your escort!"

"Escort?"

"Well, yeah. It's a huge school. Plus it's your first day. I'm here to show you around!" Bell said.

She looked at Abby's face, which was still a face of awe. Bell grinned and said "Abby, welcome to Fandom U!"

Chapter 4: Orientation

"This place is amazing!" Abby said. She looked over at Bell, who seemed just as excited as Abby felt.

"Wait until you see the inside," Bell said. She started walking and motioned for Abby to follow. Abby grinned and walked with her into the school.

The inside was more amazing than the outside. The entrance was decorated with hundreds of pieces of fandom merch from hundreds of different fandoms. Abby noticed a T.A.R.D.I.S replica, a statue of a cave troll from The Lord of the Rings, a replica of Luke Castilian's sword Backbiter, and what appeared to be a statue of Papa Achachalla.

As she and Bell continued to wherever they were headed, Abby took in everything she could. The halls were each themed around a different fandom. There was a Doctor Who hall styled like the inside of a Dalek spacecraft, a Narnia hall styled like the Pevensy's castle, a Lord of the Rings hall styled like the halls of Rivendell, and a Venturiantale hall decorated with the channel's colors and each of the siblings emblems, among many others.

The classroom doors were all shut, so Abby didn't get the chance to see inside. She followed Bell to a large room resembling a theater.

"Welcome to the auditorium! This is where all the assemblies are held, as well as the school plays!" Bell said. She led Abby over to the very middle row and took a seat. She motioned for Abby to sit next to her, which is just what Abby did.

"This room is huge! How many students are there?" Abby asked.

"I'm not sure. A few hundred, maybe. Possibly more," Bell answered. "Oh, orientation's starting! We better stop talking. "

All the other students had sat down while they were talking. They all went quiet as a lady walked up on stage. "Greetings, students! I am Miss Silnet, your headmistress," she announced. Abby was shocked. The lady definitely wasn't dressed like a headmistress. She wore a camp Half-blood t-shirt underneath a black sweatshirt, a pair of jeans with fandom references doodled all over them, and a pair of plain red sneakers. Her ginger hair was pulled into a loose braid with bits of silver weaved in. She couldn't have been older than thirty, yet was still clearly a fangirl.

"Welcome to Fandom U! I'm sure some of you new students are curious as to what the U stands for. Most people think it means university. However, a university is a collage, and here all ages of fans are welcome. The U in fact stands for United. We are all united under our love of our fandoms! Join me as I say the school's pledge," she said. She put her hand on her heart and began the pledge, with many returning students saying it with her.

To be obsessed For all our lives, To value the next part Over the next school test. To love those who do not love back, To stalk them on the Internet. To unite as one Under the fandom sun.

Abby looked around her, thinking about how all these people had similar interests, habits, preferences, possibly even crushes as her. She realized that they truly were united in their love of fandoms. She could tell this was going to be her best school year ever.

Chapter 5: Classes

After orientation Bell lead Abby to her dorm. The room had two beds, two dressers, two closets, two trashcans, two desks, two bookshelves, and, to Abby's surprise, two TVs. There was a dark blue couch in front of each TV, the bedding was purple on both beds, and at each desk there was a chair made of oak with dark green built-in cushions. There was a large window in the middle of the wall leading outside, with a view of the huge field behind the school. In front of the window was a kitchen, complete with all the cooking utensils you could ever need. On both sides of the room there was a private bathroom with a shower, sink, medicine cabinet, mirror, and, of course, toilet.

"This room is amazing!" Abby marveled.

"It gets better. Guess who your dorm mate is. Me!" Bell said. Abby was very happy to hear that. Despite having only known Bell for a short time, the two seemed to be best friends. Plus, Bell was the only person Abby actually knew!

Abby then noticed the large boxes sitting by the desks. They were labeled School Supplies.

"So, which side do you want?" Abby asked Bell.

"Hm. The right side, I think."

"Okay!" Abby said. She set down her luggage, which she had been hauling around all day, on her bed. She walked over to her desk and opened the box.

Inside was everything a fangirl could need. There was a laptop, about a dozen brand new books, some notebooks, some pencils, some pens, a spare phone charger for both Apple and Android brands, a charger for the laptop, an extra pillow in case of a feels attack, a sketchbook for fanart, colored pencils, and many course books for class.

She closed the box, not feeling like unpacking it. Her eyes fell on some paper on her desk. She picked it up and asked Bell, "What's this?"

"It's a list of all the different classes you can take. In this school you get to choose all your own classes! What you do is pick your five main fandoms, then pick two classes per fandom. Later one of the teachers will come to collect it. They enter it into a computer, which then devises a schedule," Bell explained.

"Oh. Thanks!" Abby said. She turned her attention back to the paper. On the first page were five spots to write her fandoms. She thought for awhile, then chose Doctor Who, Percy Jackson, Venturiantale, Star Wars, and Warriors.

She turned to the next page, which had a list of the different classes for each fandom. She read over all the options, then chose the ones that interested her most.

Abby's choices:

Venturiantale: Tale Fighting, the class where you learn to fight like the Tale characters, and Lore 101, the study and attempt to make sense of VT lore.

Percy Jackson: Demigod Combat, the class where you learn how to fight like a Demigod, and Camp Cooking, the class of learning to cook the meals they eat at camp.

Doctor Who: A Study of Time, the class on understanding how time works, and Regeneration History, the study of the Doctor's personal history.

Warriors: Knowing Your Herbs, the class on healing methods the clans use, and Warriors Speak 101, the study of Warriors phrases and words.

Star Wars: Understanding the Force, the study of what the Force is as well as how it is used, and Dark vs Light, a debate class studying the pros and cons of each side in an attempt to find out which one is truly better.

Abby finished filling out the paper and looked over at Bell, who appeared to be doing the same.

Abby and Bell spent the rest of the night unpacking. Abby discovered that the closest was filled with fandom clothes, as well as the dresser. "How did they know my size?" she asked, a tad creeped out.

"Your mom had to put it on your admission papers."

"Oh."

Just before Abby went to bed there was a knock at the door. The teacher had come by to collect the class papers. After the girls had handed them over they got into bed. Bell seemed to fall asleep pretty quick, but Abby stayed up for hours,unable to sleep at the anticipation of the next day.

And then I never wrote Chapter Six. I guess she overslept, huh? Heh.

#my old writing #Whaaat no Abby's not a self-insert named after my favorite Monster High character #Psssh that's- that's crazy talk

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a-cai-jpg · 5 years ago

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a drama review you never asked for

So yesterday, I started a drama by accident.

before we begin, here is a little glossary: Itazura Na Kiss = Playful Kiss (Korean), It Started with a Kiss (Taiwanese), Love in Tokyo (Japanese) Naoki = the main male lead in Itazura Na Kiss, stoic, bitchy brainiac whom everyone is in love with Kotoko = the main female lead in Itazura Na Kiss, a clutz, sucks at school, is in love with Naoki Yanmo = the main male lead in Le Coup de Foudre Qiaoyi = the main female lead in Le Coup de Foudre

I say by accident, because it was a weird series of events that led me to click on the first episode of Le Coup De Foudre, and by the time I realized what had happened, I was on episode 26 and it was 1:20 in the morning.

Help.

I finished it today before noon because I watch drama in the fucked-up way where I kind of skip forward by 5 second increments when they talk about things I don't really care about or when they're narrating life lessons.

(I always wonder if I'm missing something integral to the drama-watching experience when I do this because I do this 85% of the time, but it's either this or I get distracted going on social media cause I can't freaking sit still.)

(idk i think i still get most of the drama though. right?)

But I don't know, I really liked the drama. Not in the way where I want to revisit every scene on Tumblr and proclaim my love for it in the tags like I do with some. It's one of the dramas where I watch, and it just kind of sits heavily in my heart for a little bit and tells me to appreciate who I have around me.

Le Coup De Foudre begins with the ending, where the two characters are already together. They reminisce about their relationship from the very beginning, and that's how the drama progresses. I think it's that feeling, the in media res, the frequent analepsis, that strengthens the poignancy of the nostalgia.

It kind of reminds me of brewing tea.

(lol, midway through a scene, i felt a pang in my chest because i felt so bad for the female lead, and i paused the video and sighed in contentment and was like, "ahhh yes i feel feelings again.")

(sos)

So, I have been describing Le Coup De Foudre as the better version of Itazura Na Kiss--the better version of a plotline we have seen very often. The drama begins in a high school, stretches past college, and ends when both leads find their place next to each other as they leave school-life behind them.

And obviously, during high school, the female lead is failing all her classes whilst the male lead scores number one in every class. And of course, circumstances draw the two together, and the male lead grudgingly begins to tutor the female lead.

But, where Itazura Na Kiss has a male lead who is emotionally manipulative and has a side-hobby of rendering the girl to tears, Le Coup De Foudre has a male lead who is certain of what he wants and faces his feelings head on. There's no tugging back and forth and no unnecessary drama, but instead, a very natural progression from sitting next to a girl you like to finding each other again years after high school graduation.

When I watched Itazura Na Kiss (or the many iterations of it, either in different languages or under a different name cough cough A Love So Beautiful cough cough), there was an anxiety clouding the female lead. She treads carefully, trying to present herself in a version that makes the male lead happy. The male lead, on the other hand, is at a loss of how to address her feelings and thereby, ends up acting like an ass.

(Disclaimer: I don't actually remember much of the dramas. It's been a while.)

In high school, he is not mature enough to handle his feelings for the female lead alongside the stress of living up to his parents' expectations and figuring out what he wants to do in the future. In college, he is not mature enough to handle the admittedly annoying advances of the female lead alongside the new social terrain of unversity. Post-college, he is not mature enough to handle his new marriage alongside his stressful job at the company. From high school to post-college graduation, the male lead does not learn how to navigate a relationship where both parties' feelings matter and instead, focuses on what he thinks a relationship should look like.

The female lead isn't faultless either, though her archetype has evolved throughout the years. In It Started with a Kiss and Love in Tokyo, she was a caricature of what her character should have been. In A Love So Beautiful, she graduated from being utterly ridiculous to being a little clumsy and a little too head over heels for a not-great guy, but the viewer can't help but be a little fond of her.

In Le Coup De Foudre, she becomes more. Her character stops being defined by her love for the guy.

I like Le Coup De Foudre because before lovers, they are friends first.

(like. come on. that's kinda cute right.)

It's the softly veiled kind of affection that gets me. Like, when she pauses at the doorway to the classroom, and unlike last semester there are many more desks for her to choose from, but she decides to sit next to him anyways. Or, when he says something stupid and hurts her feelings and is stressing out about how to apologize, but she breaks the ice first and gives him a water bottle.

See, Yanmo is very much the same stoic, brainiac character Naoki was. But unlike Naoki, he is not afraid of his feelings. He doesn't want to hurt her, but his EQ isn't great so he inevitably does so anyways. Yet, he recognizes when he does wrong and takes the initiative to awkwardly ask her twin brother how to apologize. He admits to his mom that he likes her far, far before she even realizes she likes him. He gets drunk on a mouthful of vodka by accident and remembers this dumb thing she said about guys with ties being hot, so he grabs the tie of a fellow student and says he wants it because "guys with ties are hot." He faces his feelings in the immature way a high school student who's never been in love does, but he doesn't deride them. He doesn't think they are beneath him, or that he has larger aspirations and he's just taking a small reprieve from them to be with her.

(this is the kind of stoic male lead I like!!!)

He doesn't leave her behind, running to catch up. Instead, he's always quietly waiting for her.

And when they get together, he lets her fool around. He lets her take all the blankets, he challenges her brother to Chinese Clash of Clans and beats him senseless when he bullies his sister, he jokes with her in that deadpanned way of his, brings her soup when she's writing in a hotel, picks her up on the roadside on a rainy day, and doesn't reprimand her.

I think this sort of character who plays on the trope of the stoic, smart kid, but fleshes him out so that he cries and laughs and puts other people before him is what makes this relationship dynamic work. There's no icky feeling like in Itazura Na Kiss, where the audience is constantly questioning whether or not Naoki actually loves Kotoko, because in this drama, it's so, so clear that Yanmo loved Qiaoyi since high school.

The other characters are well-written as well. Qiaoyi sucks at math, but she's not stupid. She's shy, but she's not afraid of pursuing what she puts her mind to. She cares a ridiculous amount for other people, but she's not naive, and it's ultimately a combination of these traits that helps the characters save Yanmo's company from bankruptcy. Like I've mentioned before, Qiaoyi isn't defined by her love for Yanmo. She loves Yanmo so much that she pledged to think about him only six days of the week, and then four days, and then two days, and then eventually it'll be just one day of the week, but it never really happens. She loves Yanmo so much, but she lives the life she's supposed to live, accepting that even if he's not by her side, she still needs to work hard for her dream.

There's no second male lead, so there's no dramatic I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU EVER WILL screaming match where the first male lead stands there and clenches his teeth because he doesn't know how to proclaim his love. Instead, there's a loving older twin brother who dotes on Qiaoyi but doesn't forget to jokingly remind her that their parents picked her up from the trashbin. Instead, there's an emotionally mature first male lead who tells Qiaoyi he loves her and will be hurt if she likes someone else.

The second female lead is gorgeous and instead of kickstarting a nasty jealousy arc, she becomes one of Qiaoyi's closest friends. It takes a while, but she eventually recognizes that maybe she's liked Yanmo since a young age, but she never really fell in love with him. Instead, she falls in love with Yanmo's uncle who is the same age as him. Uncle isn't a good looking dude, but tbh, Cheng Youmei is pretty enough for both of them.

Uncle is the number one Yanmo/Qiaoyi fan. I like him.

Le Coup De Foudre is great, but I feel kind of bad criticizing Itazura Na Kiss, because it did make up a large part of my childhood.

(i was so offended when the wall outside my house fell and my fam was evicted and we had to live at a motel and not at a hot family friend's house smh)

Also, there's always this little voice in my head whenever I say some TV show isn't good (which is very often because I'm a pretentious brat) telling me to stop being a hypocrite.

See, when I was in middle school, one of my favorite TV dramas was Meteor Shower, which is one of the many iterations of Hana Yori Dango.

(LOL Meteor Shower is a whole other can of worms)

I remember I watched it when I was in Shanghai for summer vacation, and then when season 2 came out, I was again, in Shanghai.

(even back then, I thought season 2 was trash.)

When I watched season 2, I lived with my aunt. Because I lived with my aunt, and because my aunt is one of those more-pretentious-than-me people who watches British television and has a wine cooler, I remember switching the channel to something else every time she came by my room.

Which is pretty ridiculous considering I was literally watching a PG television show and not porn.

The reason was some time in my childhood--I don't remember when--I asked to watch a show--I don't know what show it was, it might've been Happy Camp--and my aunt looked at me, appalled, and was like, "You watch that kind of trash? Isn't that kind of show for idiots?"

And I was just kind of like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As you can tell, that conversation has stayed with me. My aunt is living with our family right now, and even now, I feel a little sheepish watching my dramas or listening to my music.

(let me explain. my aunt came downstairs one day, and was just casually like, "Liszt is pretty good, huh?" and i was like lol um what.)

(she sits on the toilet and listens to the orchestra as she pees.)

(help.)

This is partially why I have these questions. But the bigger reason why is because I took a shower and great thoughts and questions come when you take a shower.

Is a television show created with the simple intention to entertain the viewer somehow less than one with an overarching message?

How do you judge what is a "good" and therefore, worthwhile show and what isn't?

There is a Chinese drama that's received high ratings, but many people started questioning whether or not it deserved those ratings, because it was a simple love story between two people and wasn't particularly meaningful.

But, if the ratings are given by the audience, then shouldn't that mean that it is a good TV show?

(but then, when have the masses ever been the best judges for quality? cough produce 101 cough)

But, if public opinion is not the best judge for quality, then what is?

The opinion of experts?

(that's so pretentious.)

But also, if something is produced for free, mass consumption, shouldn't its success be measured by its reception? And shouldn't its quality, thereby, be measured by its success?

I've always had this question about books too. Like, what determines the books we read in a high school English class? Why are these particular books considered the Greats?

Why is Shakespeare so famous?

(don't brick me)

When I was in Shanghai and browsing a bookstore, I heard someone say, "Let's just come in for the AC. Most of the books are 畅销 books anyways, and not worth reading." The group she came in with agreed.

I have seen the words 畅销 before, because I watch a ridiculous amount of TV dramas derived from 畅销 books, but I never searched up the definition. Based on the person's disdainful tone and the way people talked about 畅销 books, I assumed it meant young adult, or genre fiction. Something like that?

But when I asked my cousin what it meant, she said, "Oh, it means bestseller."

And I was like. ???? What.

Evidently, readership and mass opinion have not been perceived as good judges for quality.

Fiction is judged by the usual narrative devices--plot, characterization, flow, theme, etc. But, ultimately, I think it is important to look at reception as well.

Why does a particular story and/or TV drama receive higher ratings and viewership than another? Is it the fault of the audience or of the directors/scriptwriters/actors/production company/country's censorship laws cough cough CHINA cough cough cough/etc.?

I think analyzing the narrative devices is an exciting conversation, but in media, there are more factors involved than just the author's mind.

And that isn't a conversation that you can easily have when your aunt looks over at you watching SCI: Journal of Mysterious Cases and scoffs.

(cEnSoRsHiP and LaCk Of FuNdS!!!)

(this is part of a larger discussion around genre fiction and literary fiction and literary merit that i loathe)

(but i feel like i'm in it. i'm in the part i hate omfg)

I feel like a big part of why I feel sheepish watching dramas at home is because ultimately, what you like is an indication of who you are.

Like when people say you get to know a lot about a person by looking at their bookshelf or Spotify playlist.

But, see, this is a very unidimensional way of viewing the world. All these things are indications of who you are, but not definitions of who you are.

There are multiple levels to this sort of perception. There's recognizing this is what you like, generalizing it to who you are as a person, and then making a value judgment on you about it.

(i.e. You like Harry Potter. You like genre fiction. You are shallow and have no taste in literature.)

But this process should end at step one.

Honestly, there's nothing wrong with watching trash television. Keeping Up With the Kardashians is difficult to put down once I start because I'm so intrigued by the otherworldliness of their lives. I routinely follow YouTuber drama because it's interesting and I'm nosy. Sometimes, I just want to watch two people fall in love and be dumb and cute and not get anything out of it, because life is complicated enough.

There's nothing wrong with watching trash television or a TV drama with unrealistic, poorly written characters, but I do think it's important to recognize the larger flaws of storytelling, especially when it has to do with portraying the human condition.

Media does an incredible part in shaping someone's perspective. I don't think there's anything wrong with portraying violence, rape, bullying, or suicide in television (provided there's a trigger warning), because it is an integral part of life. But, I think it is crucial, and also the social responsibility of content creators, to foster a better future through media. Media shouldn't justify or glorify these actions, but rather, acknowledge that they are negative and show the real world repercussions of them. If you are going to bring up these societal faults, you have to address them as well.

(this is easier said than done, especially when it comes to the smaller issues in life.)

Itazura Na Kiss is a drama that, in my 2020 mindset, falls behind on that standard. Not because it glorifies bullying, but because it portrays an emotionally manipulative relationship between two characters, where the girl is defined in relation to the guy, and that's that. Happily ever after.

But, Itazura Na Kiss also received incredible reception and was remade into a number of dramas and most recently, a movie. This is what concerns me. As our social consciousness evolved to respecting female characters and seeing them as more than an accessory to the male lead, how come the 2019 movie did not show that?

I can understand Itazura Na Kiss gaining traction in the past, just like how I can understand Grease being a very popular movie in the 70s and 80s despite being incredibly sexist. I struggle to understand it in 2020.

This is why I like Le Coup De Foudre. It takes all the tropes that were popular in 1990 and modernizes them so they become palatable to the 2019 audience. It creates two incredibly human and multidimensional characters and introduces them to a simulation where they meet in high school, 2006, one desk by the window.

(see, isn't it that kind of writing that's breathtaking and akin to the power of god?)

song rec: lil ghost - don’t call me davinci

#i just want to say #i am a huge fan of the yanmo/qiaoyi pairing #partly bc i think yanmo is kind of like the modern version of lwj #but also bc yanmo isn't described as super good looking so he's just very real #but also when he proposed #he literally sat by her bed when she was sleeping #and was like hey lets get our license tmr #and she didnt reply and he just nods and is like ok that's that then #isn't that adorable

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neshabeingchildish · 5 years ago

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22. Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Dunlop

I’ve been away from this story for a long while, because of my mental health, but definitely have decided that I will complete it, no matter what. Since I figured I wouldn’t be writing a ton of Chasper stories, I knew this one would be long, because I’d wanna include all my Chasper indulgences in it. It’s gonna be coming to an ending soon. Hopefully, the way I have been feeling won’t bleed too much into the mood of the story. I know it definitely did at a few points, but I’m just praying that overall, the story will turn out in the tone that I intended for this story and this ship. Thanks for reading.

OH! And since I mentioned them a few times and I have them with lines and such, my FCs for these OCs are Fisher: Tanner Stine and New Henry/Craig: Davont’e Franklin.

Also, I gave up on editing at some point, so... that’s what that is. And wedding aesthetics will be out at some point soon.

Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Dunlop

Piper was bummed that she would have to miss Henry’s college graduation, but she made sure to threaten to beat him senseless as soon as she recovered if he didn’t proceed with his plans for the evening. He hadn’t planned much. Graduation ceremony, dinner with the family, and chillaxing with Charlotte and Jasper. It was good to have Jake and Siren in a room together without it being terrible. They both felt so bad about Piper that they forgot their issues for a while and just got along and supported her. In the break up, both had sort of put her in the middle and made her feel like she had to choose. She’d chosen Henry, because he was the only person that she felt could relate. Now, she was in the hospital, fixing her makeup to address her followers, and wishing she could be at her brother’s graduation.

Henry was fine. With Piper assuring him that his presence could have in no way helped her outcome, he could finally relax. He could just enjoy the moment… sort of. It was weird to not have her there. They’d spent a lot of time together since she found out that he was Kid Danger and they spent even more time together since their parents broke up. She was supposed to be here. Charlotte agreed to make sure that she captured every possible moment of Henry’s special evening, so it could be like Piper was there the whole time.

Afterwards, he, Jasper and Charlotte went to hang out at the hospital with Piper. She was stuck in there for about 3 days and whenever she was released, she had Henry bring her to Jake’s place. She was going to need some nursing back to full recovery and she didn’t want to get in Henry’s way of Kid Danger things.

Henry, instead was immediately throwing himself into revamping the store. Nate had been working on things for over a year and they were ready to reopen the place, remodeled. Some of the former junk and stuff things were on the upper floor and arranged to look more like a gift and antique shop than junk. Anything that looked too “junk-like,” Piper and Henry had cleared out during a garage sale in front of the store. Everything else, she took charge of organizing on that floor and they plastered the old Junk N’ Stuff sign on the back wall, sort of like a novelty, honestly for their own nostalgia. Because, outside of the place was a new sign, with lettering that Piper had picked and a name that they had decided on together, “Heart Eyes” with a heart symbol for the “E,” so technically, “Hart Eyes,” and the tagline, “You’ll see something you’ll love here.”

Entering the store, it was like a little department store in that it had various stations - a fabrics and frames, jewelry and accessories, juice and smoothie bar and the florist center. They were near the walls, the florist being to the right, whenever you first came in, bar to the left and the others towards the back. The middle of the store was a boutique of formals and gifts.

“This is actually really great, right?” Henry asked Piper. He knew that she would always be honest.

“Yeah. It’s amazing Henry. I’m super proud of you.” She clapped him on the shoulder and they both smiled. They were gonna be alright. They were gonna do well. He was sure of it. The worst had to be over… They turned towards the door hearing some laughter, ready to greet a guest. It was just Jake and Ray. Piper sighed and rolled her eyes. She and her dad were working on their relationship, but this new friendship with Ray of his was weird and uncomfortable for her.

“Yo!” Henry cheered. “If it isn’t my two dads…” He joked. Both men began to laugh very vigorously. More than he knew that joke was worth, so he asked, “What am I missing?”

“What? That wasn’t in reference to the comedy series with Paul Reiser?” Ray asked. “Because, if it wasn’t, I don’t get it.”

“Of course it was!” Jake said. “Oooh, I wonder if that show is streaming on anything.”

“Probably not. It was too good. But you know… Piper can probably pirate it for us.”

“You… would ASK my daughter to break the law?” Jake asked, folding his arms.

“No. I’d just tell her to do it and she’ll likely jump right in, because it’s fun for her to break the law. She loves that kinda stuff.”

Jake laughed, “You’re right.”

“Where are you two going?” Henry asked, knowing that Ray wasn’t going to share the Man Cave with Jake!

“I’m getting my bag. Jake and I are having a sleepover at his house, if that’s okay?”

Henry folded his arms and said, “Well, you two better not stay up all night. Both of you have work in the morning. Also, I just checked every streaming service and no, My Two Dads is not on anything.”

Ray shook his head, “Figures.” He headed towards the back and screamed, “PIPER!!!” Jake waited with Henry and whenever Ray came back, with his bag, they left, shoulder to shoulder, talking about how funny My Two Dads used to be. Henry would have thought that was a made up thing, but he searched and it did come up. Totally real late 80s, early 90s show… though not about what he’d thought…

He was thinking more along the lines of how he and Jasper used to say that they were gonna grow old together. If they were gonna have a kid, they’d get Charlotte to be a surrogate and Jasper would be a house dad while Henry supported the family on a hero’s salary. It was a perfect plan. At the end of high school senior year, that plan was picked apart. At the end of college, that plan was dust blowing in the wind. And a year later, that plan was replaced completely with the new and improved plan.

Welcome to the Wedding of Charlotte Ambrosia Page and Jasper TBD Dunlop...

Two years of planning made the wedding come together perfectly. While Jasper did have an additional year of college to complete in that duration, he landed a job at the firm where he was an intern, sooner than he expected and had been working there for half a year by the time of the wedding. And the wedding? Everything Jasper could have dreamed up and more! Henry was obviously amazing at this. Charlotte had gotten everyone that she knew who had a skill or product to offer involved. Piper was there, at her happiest and healthiest since the wreck.

Henry had told her, “Just worry about your little dress,” whenever she was asking about what kind of extravagant plans he would be entertaining for Jasper. That just made her worry more, when she really had nothing to worry about.

The day of the wedding, she realized that the moms, Henry and Piper were on every little detail. They had Jasper’s frat bros and pledges to assist or serve, with the exception of the three that were actually a part of his wedding party. He would have had more, but Charlotte only had three friends, INCLUDING him, so even having three made her side unleveled. Fortunately, Schwoz was willing to stand in as a body to make things more symmetrical. He, Henry and Piper to Jasper’s Coogie, Snek and Fisher, with Henry handling Lady and Tramp, who kept the rings on their collars for safe keeping.

Jasper and Charlotte had decided that the last entry in each of their affirmation journals for each other would be their wedding vows. Whenever they would finish reciting them, they’d finally give those to each other. They would also show each other their new affirmation journals during the gift exchange.

Processional

The wedding party all had on pastel yellow or orange with bright red, orange and yellow accessories. Jasper had a suit with a red floral jacket and red pants with gold accents. Technically, it was a women’s suit, but it was what he wanted, so they got it tailored to him and Charlotte had to admit that he not only pulled it off, but it was a LEWK. It was doing it for her. She was able to see him long before he could see her, and not because of bad luck or any other such nonsense. Because of good old fashioned, she was extremely busy trying to finish up everything at work before her small break, she had to squeeze in a party that was forced upon her, and the day of the actual wedding, her mother and Aunt Cohort insisted on keeping her apart from everybody, because her entrance had to be the most memorable part of the ceremony. Fucking Bolton women… Well… Cohort… was by marriage, but STILL.

Luckily, Piper was posting in her stories and Charlotte’s phone hadn’t been taken away. She was SO GLAD whenever it was time for her mom and aunt to go have a seat. Then, whenever Henry came to retrieve her, give her the bouquet that he didn’t trust ANYONE touching until it was go time and let her pet her doggies before her dad had to walk her down the aisle.

Bride’s Entrance

Henry went in first with the dogs in their miniature outfits that were made to look like a bride and groom, though they didn’t quite match Jasper and Charlotte. Tramp’s suit was red and she had on a floral crown, while Lady had on a white dress, nothing like Char’s and a veil. She had these little leg cuffs and people went crazy to see the doggos look so adorable, but it was time to stand for the bride and Jasper was excited, nervous, anxious, and eager, all at once.

His pledges opened the doors and on Mr. Page’s arm was Charlotte, tiny and glowing - not wearing heels, because she didn’t want to possibly fall today and not wearing her usual thick soles, because she simply didn’t have any that were wedding appropriate. “Oh my God,” Jasper said, along with a chorus of his frat bros. The dress that Charlotte had made was short in the front, long in the back, frilly kinda like a tutu at the bottom, but cascading behind her and had iridescent highlights in it that made it kind of twinkle and crystals on it that made it kind of sparkle. She was SUCH a sight, he didn’t even know what to do but try not to cry at this vision.

She wore a luminous highlighter and a light shimmer on her skin, which was moisturized and radiant. Adanna made her jewelry of jasper, mock rubies, crystals and gold. And the bridal frohawk that she wore was adorned with sparkly gems and small flowers on the knotted twists. As she got closer, he could see that she put a heart in rhinestones around her “Yes” tattoo, and his heart could hardly handle any of this. The frat brothers began a chorus of big dog barking - that always put his head back in the game, but he figured that today was probably not a good day to go that route. He was appeased with Little Dog joined in with her tiny barking, and he was able to compose himself again.

Whenever Mr. Page passed her hands over to Jasper’s, he was all choked up, they both were. Charlotte was actually, surprisingly calm, considering that her heart was beating and her hands were sweating and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from this man in front of her that she NEVER EVER thought she would EVER be standing here with, feeling this way… Just 6 years ago, she wouldn’t have even kissed him on the cheek! “You look amazing,” he managed to say. She couldn’t speak. He looked… UNF. She just couldn’t. She tried to catch her breath, but he moved so close that she thought he might kiss her. Instead he smiled, giddy, and brushed his nose against hers. He kept his face very near her face and neck and probably was going to wind up sore from trying to be so close to her. He kept whispering things like, “I can’t believe this is really happening,” and “I love you so much.”

Words from the Parents...

Instead of “readings,” they’d asked their parents for tiny speeches of advice. There were no poems or lyrics that were going to sum up what they felt. Better to bring this new adventure in with the most important people giving them the most sacred advice on their special day.

Mr. Page said, “From the time Charlotte was a little girl, she always knew what she wanted and she never had trouble working hard to get it. So much, that by the time she was 6, I pretty much knew I could trust that she meant whatever she would say. So, whenever she said that you two were together, I honestly didn’t think twice about it. I’ve always wondered, will she make the right choice in a man, or a woman, if that would have been where she would have gone. I always thought if she came home one day with someone that I didn’t understand being for her, would I be able to accept it. Jasper… We’ve known you for years and I didn’t think you and my daughter were right for each other, but I knew her and I trusted her, so whenever I saw that it lasted and that it would come to this, I expected that. Because Charlotte might make mistakes, but she’s never made any that I’ve seen. So, you just better trust her. Trust her to do what she wants and needs to do for herself and trust in whatever she vows to do for you. She always knows exactly what she means. Always have.” Henry patted an emotional Jasper on the back.

Recognition, advice, guidance from men was always a soft spot for him, having not had his dad around most of his life, and coming from his soon to be father-in-law, on a day already crammed with emotions, he just had to let a few happy tears fall.

Mrs. Page said, “To add to that, make sure that she can trust you! One time when she was like 9 ot 10, my brother played what he felt like was a little prank on her. I don’t even remember what it was…” Charlotte almost interrupted to explain the prank, but didn’t want to derail her own wedding. “And whatever Coco did, Charlotte didn’t forgive him for YEARS and she still hasn’t forgotten. Look at her face.” They all laughed. “She’s slow to forgive and never forgets, so you need to be sure that you remain honest and trustworthy, Jasper. And Charlotte, you know I’ve been giving you bits and pieces all throughout this engagement, to the point that I don’t have much more to say but to just say this in summation: Be soft with him. He’s sensitive and you can be hard and cold sometimes. It won’t make you weak to be soft with him.” Charlotte furrowed her eyebrows. I AM soft with him. Him and him alone. Jasper squeezed her hand and pressed his cheek against her bridal frohawk. His mother simply offered congratulations and said, “Even I’ve learned a lot about her from you, so I can’t give advice, but I freely give my blessing and hope that she continues to love you as much as she’s shown me that she has.”

Jasper was crying and wondering again why they didn’t have this happen at the reception, instead of as part of the wedding, but Henry had explained to him before - the WEDDING is supposed to be an emotional event. The reception is supposed to be a party with photo ops. Besides, only person qualified to give a speech at you two’s reception is ME.”

Jack Leigh took the microphone from Pansy… not aggressively or anything, just eagerly. She stood, somewhat uncomfortably next to him as he announced, “Some of you probably don’t know me, but I am Jasper’s bio-dad. We didn’t really have a long history together, but what interactions we did have were definitely among the most significant ones in my life. I wasn’t the kind of father that Jasper needed and wasn’t the kind of husband his mom needed. So, my advice today would be - always put this relationship first. When you’re married, when you’ve decided in your heart that this is the one, nothing should be more important to you than your wife and your family. Whenever we met, I was SO PROUD that you had done so well. I was always worried that I would’ve screwed you up so bad that you’d hate me and not even believe in love, or worst - that you’d turn out like me. You managed to be a good kid, find a great woman and be smart enough to learn to love her and know her before making a huge decision. And you two just… work. So, my advice is to keep trusting and believing in yourself. You’ll do right by her and by this marriage. Because, whatever is inside of you has made you that kind of man.”

Henry preemptively handed Jasper a cloth handkerchief, which he sobbed into, with Charlotte rubbing his belly, affectionately and soothing him with her voice. It wasn’t until Uncle Roscoe yelled out, “Let it out, Lil’ Nephew! Big Dogs cry too!” And everyone, including Jasper started laughing. Things became a little less tense and the rest of the ceremony carried on beautifully. Uncle Rox was the man! Jasper reminded himself.

Reciting of Vows

Since Henry had the dogs, Piper held on to Charlotte’s affirmation journal for her and Fisher has Jasper’s. Henry had decided that it was better for them to stand behind and a little off to the side and extend their arms forward with the books, as to not get in between the officiant and the couple, and not to block too much the couple from the guests, but also to not have Charlotte and Jasper release hands to hold books. Just as well, he encouraged them to try to memorize the vows, but knew that Charlotte, while she might be able to memorize it all word for word, would feel more comfortable with having them there. But, she had already talked to both of them and instead of them awkwardly holding them for them to be read, both Piper and Fisher simply held the books and stood beside them, with them open. If they had a pause or something, they could just whisper the next line. Henry was salty that he hadn’t thought of that, but Charlotte WAS the brains of that operation.

Jasper spoke, “Charlotte, whenever I first fell in love with you, I knew that I wasn’t what you would have looked for in a man, but I was up to that challenge, because I knew that you were worth more than any person that I would ever know or meet in my life. And I’m still up to that challenge, as you continue to evolve and grow into a greater person, I will continue to push myself to be worthy of being at your side. I will be strong for you, even though I know that you’re strong enough. I will be brave for you, even though I know that you’re brave enough. I will be every definition of a man that you could ever possibly dream of and if I can’t, I’ll determine that I just have to work harder. You’ll never be alone, as long as I’m alive and you’ll never be without as long as I have breath in me. I don’t care what it takes. I’ve been determined to be what you want, need, and love, and I will never stop being and doing that, as long as I live and as long as we’re together.”

Charlotte’s face twisted in emotion and Piper quickly tucked the journal and clapped her hands twice. Schwoz wiped at Charlotte’s eye corners to catch the tears in the tear cloth, Henry fanned her to keep her from being too warm and Adanna passed a refresher rose water spray spritz to Piper, which she sprayed a couple of times on Charlotte’s face as Henry fanned, and Schwoz blotted. Charlotte nodded once and the three whispered, “Break!” and resumed their positions. The guests laughed a little at the proficiency and dedication, but Charlotte took a deep breath and motivated herself, “You’ve got this, Charlotte. You’re good.”

“You’re the best,” Jasper corrected her, with a teary smile.

She smiled at him and nodded her head. “Jasper. Before us, I knew what I wanted and who I wanted to be - just like my dad said earlier -”

“Good improv,” Piper whispered and Charlotte just winked and continued.

“But, whenever you made your presence known in my life, I had to rethink my entire future. I wouldn’t just do that for some guy. I would only do that for a man that I knew that I could trust, love, and respect for the rest of my life. Neither of us is perfect, but we still manage to make it work out perfectly, and surprisingly and refreshingly, that’s never all on me. I’ve known a lot of people to get married and lose themselves in each other, or even become an unmarried couple and begin to live their lives revolving around the other person and a lot of times neglecting themselves and I was worried and scared that it might happen to me. But, you’ve remained my best friend and you’ve become my life partner. You motivate me to be more of myself and you inspire me to be a higher me… That’s so goofy, but it’s true. I just want to be able to reciprocate that determination and dedication that you show. Not to lose myself in you, but to continue to find myself, with you and for you to continue to find yourself with me, and you are the only person that I could ever imagine it working so perfectly with. The only person I would be willing to call myself “Mrs.” for. From this day on, that’s who I am.”

Jasper ugly cried and Fisher asked Piper, “Can we get one of those ummm…?” Piper clapped her hands twice and they fixed Jasper right up, too. She smiled at Fisher as they three said, “Break!”

Gift Presentation and Ring Exchange

Charlotte and Jasper gave each other their affirmation journals, which they passed back to Piper and Fisher, who put them away where they had kept the previous ones, before the vows recitals. Henry took that time to collect the rings from the dogs’ collars and pass them to Piper and Fisher, as he made a little announcement for the guests, “I know that this ceremony hasn’t been exactly what you’ve come to expect in a wedding…”

Roscoe, who was sitting by Ray and Cohort cheered, “It’s the best wedding I have ever seen!” He and Jasper pointed at each other with huge smiles and Ray rolled his eyes.

“This guy is the worst, right?” He asked Cohort.

“This is my husband,” she said, annoyed.

Ray chuckled and added, “The worst at being a bad guest, am I right?”

Jake put a hand on Ray’s leg and said, “Just… Shhh. Our Henry’s speaking!”

Henry continued, “And now, the bride would like to make a small gift presentation before the rings exchange.” Jasper furrowed his eyebrows in surprise. He thought that HE was the one who knew most about this ceremony, but apparently Henry and Charlotte had managed to keep something from him… New Henry and another frat boy brought in a fancy looking chest adorned in red and gold, and Henry opened it.

Charlotte said, “This is more like an extension of my vows, so you don’t feel a way about not getting me anything. I just wanted to make today extra special for you and take this time that I knew that I would have to declare in front of all of our loved ones stuff that they might not ever really get a chance to hear or see me profess again.” Jasper placed both hands over his heart and smiled. Charlotte was great at gift giving, whenever she made the time and took the effort to gift people.

“First, there’s this,” she pulled out a trophy that looked enough like Jasper hitting a flex pose, but golden and he gasped in excitement. “This is because you’re very competitive, sometimes, even when there is no competition for you! And for this, there is none…”

She handed it to him and he looked at it and practically screamed, “MOST PERFECT MAN FOR CHARLOTTE!” She laughed and he turned to show it off to everyone as she reached into the gift box again.

By this time, Uncle Roscoe had gotten up and was taking photos. Jasper and his groomsmen were posing with and around the trophy like he’d really actually won something and Charlotte was tickled, because she knew that in Jasper’s mind, he really had. She cleared her throat and he passed his trophy to Fisher, “Don’t let anything happen to that.”

“We’re at your wedding. What could happen?” Fisher wondered.

Charlotte said, “This next gift is something that I had made for you to represent who you are to me and let you show that off to everyone else.” She pulled his crown from behind her back and he jumped up and down and fanned himself, then reached for it with gimme hands. Henry had forgotten how childlike and full of excitement that Jasp could be whenever he had something great in front of him, but Charlotte seemed to be super warm and soft to his less than classy reactions. Well, she knew who she was marrying, Henry guessed. It would have been silly for them to expect him to act any other way.

“I am the KING!” Jasper declared.

“We really should’ve gotten this presented to him in the dressing rooms and let it be a story instead of part of the ceremony,” Piper told Henry.”

“Naw. It’s his special day and Char wants to really make him feel it.” Piper shrugged her shoulders.

“I guess.”

Charlotte told the guests, “In case any of you are wondering, Jasper buys and makes me really awesome gifts all the time, and I don’t usually get to have a huge show of affection for him, regularly…”

“Don’t worry about them,” Jasper said and waved a hand at the guests, “No offense,” he tacked on. She pulled out something small and red and he didn’t know what it was, but his spirits were so high, it wouldn’t have mattered what it was, because nothing could change his energy right now.

“This is an exact replica of my heart that I made with the project that I’ve been working on in my free time, for those custom made 3D printing organs? I scanned my own heart, made this replica, and then jazzed it up a little with some red crystals and a “tattoo” of your name… Because my heart is yours. You’re definitely king of that…”

He stood corrected. His energy COULD change. He was in a dangerous state of euphoria. An indescribable overwhelming joy that rendered him motionless and speechless. She extended her hands and he saw the scripted “Jasper” on the center of what was basically her heart… He accepted it with shaky hands and moved in to kiss her.

Henry tiny shreaked and said, “It’s not time for that! RINGS!” He called out.

Piper collected the gifts back into the box and told Fisher, “You’re responsible for these now.” He grabbed a frat member and repeated the same thing to him.

The ring exchange was pretty uneventful, considering, but whenever Jasper was told he could kiss the bride, he let it all out. It became uncomfortable after a while, with their friends and family all looking away awkwardly, like her parents and his mom, or morbidly obligated to stare, like Ray and Jake. Uncle Roscoe was taking photos and cheering, “THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ BOUT LIL’ NEPHEW! TRIED TO TELL Y’ALL!”

Recessional

A crowned Jasper happily walked his new wife back down the aisle, to the chorus of his friends barking and this time, others joined in, Henry followed with the dogs, eager to get out to use the bathroom, Schwoz followed behind Coogie and Snek and Piper shook her head and took Fisher’s arm. “You didn’t keep ANY of them in proper order,” she said. “And where is the gift chest?”

“Shhhh… This is a celebration, Old Henry’s sister,” Fisher said. They walked out with fake smiles plastered on. Then, he immediately rushed to go find the gift chest. Big Dog would MURDER him if he lost that thing!

The Reception

Henry paid for a wedding cake, because Charlotte’s Charlotte cake could simply be her bride’s cake and Jasper’s groom cake was a realistic looking lion, because both he and the wedding “are Leos,” but there was no way that Henry’s first wedding was not going to have a memorable cake whenever a lot of people ONLY accepted wedding invitations FOR the cake. So, Jasper had his, Charlotte had her Charlotte cake, and Henry ordered a multiple tier wedding cake with red, orange, and yellow edible flowers and similarly colored fruit cut and shaped like flowers or hearts. “I am so good at this!” he told himself.

They did all of that reception stuff - the garter, the bouquet and such. Henry was finally ready to relax, while Jasper and Char looked ready to… take on the world! “Good for them,” he said to himself.

“Yeah, they make it seem possible for everybody, right?” He heard a voice that he had come to recognize as “New Henry’s” voice say. He turned around and the guy smiled and asked, “You gonna get some cake?” Henry looked down to see that he was just standing there holding the cake cutter and he set it down. New Henry said, “This was good. Charlotte gave me a taste of her bridal cake and it was delicious! Gourmet, even. But nothing beats a well done wedding cake. That’s basically what I come to weddings for.”

“EXACTLY!” Henry finally found his voice. “Can you believe that Jasper wanted me to cover a table in Charlotte cakes and have THOSE be the “wedding cake?”

“I know Big Brother Big Dog, so yes. I can believe that he wanted that.” He laughed. “Good thing you changed his mind. This is one of the best wedding cakes I’ve ever tasted. I’m kinda an expert too. My mom made wedding cakes to pay for my college.”

“Really? Does she still make them, because I don’t really have an official cake person for my business references.”

“Yeah, she does. I’ll give her your number,” New Henry said. Henry nodded, excitedly and pulled out his phone. “Also, I’ll take it too… If… You want to ever… I mean, I know we’ve only hung out doing the wedding stuff and only know each other through Jasper and Charlotte, but…”

Henry’s eyes were wide and he wondered, Is this super hot dude hitting on me right now??? Because, he had not been on a date or anything in ages and even whenever he used to, it was exclusively with girls/women, but he had never really thought about a guy before and… who knows? Maybe he was into that…

“It’s okay if you don’t!” New Henry said, seeing his hesitation.

“It’s not that. I just didn’t know if you wanted to hang out as bros or if you were like… wanting to… hang out…” Henry bit his lip nervously.

“Are you interested in hanging out with a guy?”

“I’ve just realized that I’m not against it. Never really came up before. I mean, outside of Jasper, I hadn’t ever really thought of dudes in that way. But, you’re… like super attractive and if that IS what you meant, yes. And also, if you just wanted to hang out as bros, yes too. I never get to hang out. I need a life.” Henry laughed uncomfortably.

“Cool…” New Henry smiled and asked, “You wanna dance?”

“Yes. Yes, I do!” Henry practically cheered.

“Okay. Also… My name is Craig… You… know that, right?”

“Of course I do,” Henry said.

“Because I just told you?”

“Correct!”

Jasper wore his crown for the rest of the night and Charlotte felt like he was never going to take the thing off. He kept calling her Mrs. Dunlop, then saying, “Excuse me, Mrs. JASPER Dunlop,” to which she’d think, Excuse me, Mrs. Charlotte Dunlop! But, she let him have these moments of joy. They had about a week to get settled into married life, wouldn’t be able to have a honeymoon yet, and both would have a TON of work whenever they got back to the lab and the firm. So, for now, it was just all that they could do - enjoy each other for what they were and what they had just become, together.

#A Chasper Fic #chasper #henry danger #hd fanfic #Nesha HD Fics

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firesign23 · 6 years ago

Note

I would like to read that very angry post and learn the two rules.

Okay, so, I was GOING to be all “Here are my well composed arguments” about this, but… honestly, I’m still digesting the specifics of Brienne’s story in 8x06 and getting caught up on “Soo, we��re going with the shallowest interpretation of her character’s desires and also kinda just making her Jaime 2.0: The Just Edition” (more on this rant LATER, because oh it was so much worse than I thought when I read the leaks), so instead y’all get a slightly edited version of the Angry Screaming I sent a friend a few days ago. Buckle up, I am Riled.

A pre-rant note–my husband woke up this morning, checked his phone, and looked at me like a man who had Seen Some Shit. “The leaks were right.” He has never watched Game of Thrones (he’s been waiting until the show is done, and I’m pretty sure season 8 killed his plans to binge it), but honestly I can think of no better way to sum up this experience.

(Fucking MOOD, Jon.)

So, first off, I do not expect a lot from Game of Thrones. The visuals are amazing, the actors are top notch, but there have always been issues with the plot, with misogyny, etc. What has made me so ANGRY about this season is that it thumbs its nose at storytelling as a craft. I expected it to be dumb. I did not expect it to be “Wow, my nine year old literally has a better grasp on constructing stories” dumb. #subvertedexpectations (As an aside, I could turn this into a series of rants about the different elements of storytelling and how season 8 fucked them up, but honestly I’d rather lose a fucking hand and I still have a spite fic to write to fix what I can. So we’ll have to content ourselves with this rant, and if husband ever DOES binge the show I’ll save the others as a reward for surviving the experience.)

Second of all, I want to make this clear that any writing rule can be broken (some I don’t believe SHOULD be, which is what started this rant, but they CAN), but you must understand the rules you are breaking and why. And you can’t break all of them at once. I have seen exactly zero evidence this is true for D&D, those talentless hacks.

Now, onto the two rules for character arcs that should never be messed with because they are SO structurally important, and they’ve fucked over both repeatedly throughout season 8:

(1) A character must always want something. They absolutely do not need to GET it, but they need to want it. Hell, NOT getting it is basically the definition of tragedy.(2) A character getting what they want should not result in “Guess their story is over, we can kill them or write them off”

This applies to SO MANY of the characters right now, but I’m going to use Jaime as an example of (1) and Brienne as an example of (2) because honestly that’s the only plot I’ve followed with any enthusiasm. (There are definitely better examples of (2) within the show, but I used Brienne as an example in the original rant and I’m carrying that over. Because Brienne. Fight me.)

RULE ONE: A character must always want something.

Jaime’s arc has been about redemption, about listening to his own morals instead of the poisonous family first that has been dripped in his ear for decades. The setup is all there–a brash kid who is forced to make a call between his own morals (not burning half a million innocent people) and the oaths he made (to protect the king), makes it, and is reviled for it because the truth is never revealed. He falls further into this “Family above all else” mindset because he’s been groomed since childhood for this. There’s like a whole meta post from me in the Lannisters and abuse, but people better than I have gone there before. For this post, “Jaime’s arc is about redemption, a redemption he doesn’t always BELIEVE in but has been a core of his character from season 1” suffices.

His death absolutely should have been about this redemption. Whether he succeeds and kills his sister and lives, or kills his sister at the cost of his own life, or he gets there and the decades of brainwashing means that he falters at the final hurdle… THAT doesn’t matter, so much, but the impetus absolutely should have been DRIVEN by that need for redemption. Have him go south because he needs to save innocents, or even the family of choice (THERE IS A FAMILY OF CHOICE SCENE IN THE FUCKING EPISODE!!!) Hell, have him SEE saving Cersei as redemption. (I mean, that would be fucking stupid beyond stupid, but it wouldn’t insult me on a crafting level.) Just… don’t go “He’s happy, guess it’s time for a relapse we lay no groundwork for, and then handwave with forgiveness from a female character because…she’s so good and pure? We want to pretend we are deep?” There is no tragedy in Jaime’s death because they moved the goalposts at the very last second.

(As an aside, the Very Dear Friend subjected to this rant responded to this portion of my ire with “Why would they do that? It’s so meaningless”, and all I could say was “Because it’s ~*~sHocKinG~*~ that way. NO, YOU BASTARDS. You make it shocking by laying the groundwork and then subverting our hopes at the last second, but THE GROUNDWORK NEEDS TO BE THERE. YOU NEED TO USE OUR CULTURAL UNDERSTANDING OF STORIES.” This was the toned down version of my actual thoughts, because Very Dear Friend is genuinely dear to me and does not need to know the depths of my creative cursing.)

RULE TWO: A character getting what they want should not be the end of their story.

As for Brienne… she is such an interesting character because she’s SO driven by her own morality. She wants, desperately, to be a knight. Not just BE knighted, but to embody the spirit of knighthood. She gets that knighthood from someone she respects, deeply–she’s one of the few people who truly knows about Jaime’s struggle with morality vs oaths and has utter faith in him–and so she gets what she wants. Great, right? WRONG. We are at Unbreakable Rule #2–a character who gets what they want should not then have nowhere to go.

NB–the original rant here was far more articulate and focused on how this rule is broken, but we might descend into slathering rage instead. Because the ending (oh god, seriously, like I said, I’m still digesting the depth of the shit in this because on a surface level it seems happy but it’s really fucking terrible) puts her in this horrible stagnation that is more focused on title than her actual character. She didn’t necessarily want to be a Kingsguard, she wanted to be a Kingsguard for a king she believed in. And, like, she had a say in electing Bran? (Rereading this rant--that’s a weird phrasing. I’ll deal with it later) But that whole thing makes no sense (“I can’t be lord of Winterfell because I’m the Three Eyed Raven, but I can totally be King” ??? I just… honestly, my brain is not computing this well.) and I just… CAN WE FUCKING TALK ABOUT HOW SHE HAS PREVIOUSLY PLEDGED HERSELF TO PEOPLE WHO ARE IN SOME WAY VULNERABLE??? Seriously, who has she pledged oaths to before now? A gay man and women. Because that was always fucking important to me, and this is just… no.

The ending as it is basically just makes her Replacement Jaime–a highborn heir who instead takes the role of Kingsguard, but don’t worry guys she’s so Noble and Caring that she absolves Jaime of his sins by writing his story in the book. Where’s the fucking vomit emoji? (Don’t get me wrong, that scene is emotional and moving and honestly FUCK YOU GWENDOLINE CHRISTIE FOR BEING SO LOVELY AND TALENTED, but in the wider context of this show I just cannot see it as a good thing.)

I just… look, in my rant a few days ago I’d read the leaks, but I still had some hopes the ending would be better on screen; right now I can’t even articulate the number of levels it bothers me on, so just know that I SHOULD HAVE BEEN FUCKING HAPPY WITH HER ENDING! But I’m not, because it is this surface level understanding of what she desires from knighthood, and there is this… okay, so, I’m articulating this TERRIBLY because the original rant was solid but did not account for fuckery, but you know what Brienne’s ending made me think of? Nikolaj Coster-Waldau’s interviews where he would fight for Jaime’s character and basically get told to shut up and follow the script. THAT is what Brienne’s ending feels like to me, and it shouldn’t. She should have places to GO and GROW from here. Like, there are SO MANY things they could do with these characters that are surprising. Hell, imagine Brienne getting this knighthood and then getting presented with a similar situation to Jaime–does she keep an oath or to her own morals? Make it a smaller scale so that the answer isn’t so simple, have knighthood become shades of grey she never really understood–she gets what she wants, but it’s not simple. Boom, her story will go on after the end credits.

(I also have Capital I Issues with the narrative surrounding her love life and gender and… seriously, this could have been a motherfucking SERIES of rants. I could do a week’s worth just on how they did Brienne dirty)

RULE THREE: If you make me spend over an hour trying to present a coherent explanation for why your writing sucks and I’ve barely scratched the surface, you don’t get to write anything ever again. Sorry, I make the rules and I have decreed it so. All in agreement, raise your hand.

#I don't even go here #game of thrones spoilers #writing #Brienne of Tarth #(and my heart)#Jaime Lannister Deserved Better #(still a fucking tag)#(though that one scene was A Lot To Digest)#game of thrones #you can break writing rules #BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT AND WHY YOU ARE BREAKING THEM #or keep it between yourself and the 10 other Angsty White Dudes in your Creative Writing 101 class

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seawolvesanddragons · 6 years ago

Text

Merlin Swan Princess AU

Ok, Merlin Swan Princess AU. So, in this AU Uther died instead of Ygraine when Arthur was very young (YAY) and Balinor, as a powerful Dragonlord, is one of Ygraine's closest supporters, and she becomes close with Hunith. About a two years after Arthur is born, Hunith dies in childbirth) and Merlin is born. Balinor is very upset, obviously, but does love his son. However, he and Ygraine are both concerned about the current political climate - Camelot is seen as weak because of its Queen Regent and two year old heir, and Ygraine fears that enemies will fall upon them or go after Arthur, or that Arthur will inherit a dying kingdom. Meanwhile, dragons and dragonlords are getting a bad rep in other kingdoms b/c kings mistrust their power and dragons are scary, and Balinor fears his kind will be hunted. So Ygraine and Balinor come up with a beneficial deal - they will help each other out. They dismiss the idea of them getting married b/c Ygraine still loves Uther and Balinor Hunith but Balinor pledges his support, his clan's support, and Kilgharrah's support to Camelot. In return, Ygraine declares Camelot a safe haven for dragonlords, druids, etc. To keep this arrangement fresh in the minds of the people/other kingdoms, Balinor decides that every summer, he and Merlin will stay in Camelot. If he had to travel on business, than Merlin would still stay with Gaius.

The deal is great - it gives Ygraine some extra security, and Balinor is pleased that Merlin will have some semblance of a permanent home and a maternal figure at least 4 months of the year. Plus, they both privately hope that if the boys become friends, then the truce will continue. Well, private to each other. They stress to Arthur and Merlin that they really SHOULD get along, for the good of the kingdom/the dragonlord clan, etc. Except, well...Arthur and Merlin? Do NOT get along. Seriously. While Merlin adores Gaius and likes Ygraine and ok Camelot can be pretty cool, he still dreads the summers when he is forced to try and get along with Arthur, who only cares about knights and sword training and riding horses. Merlin doesn't get the big deal about riding horses, he can ride dragons and that is MUCH more exciting. Arthur, meanwhile, is frustrated that this kid (yes, Mother, KID, he is only 5 and I am SEVEN. I am old enough to be a page!) is his responsibility to entertain, especially when Ygraine lets on that it is so Arthur can have the support of the dragonlords in the future and yeah, Balinor is cool and all but Arthur is going to be the King of Camelot, what kind of King can't defend his own people. (Plus there's a jealousy thing b/c Arthur doesn't have a dad and Merlin doesn't have a mom but they are both too emotionally young to really understand that.) So they spend their summers trying to avoid each other, Arthur with the knights and Merlin by learning with Gaius and practicing magic. Morgana, when she arrives, splits her time between the two of them, but she always gives a little extra time to Merlin (she sees Arthur ALL YEAR) and Merlin makes Gwen less uncomfortable, so that also tips the scales. Arthur dislikes this because Morgana is HIS friend. When they both turn out to be magic, well, that's even more annoying. As they get older, more issues are cropping up among dragonlords and Balinor leaves Merlin in Camelot alone during the summer more and more, which Merlin does NOT like. And okay, they probably share and adventure or two, but they do NOT like each other at all, not friends, ok, so shut up Leon. And Gwen. And Morgana. Then one summer when Arthur is 17 and Merlin is 15 and Merlin wishes Arthur luck before a tourney and Arthur sees Merlin practicing magic for a few peasant children who came to Camelot during the famine and distracting them from their hunger, and okay, maybe they other isn't so bad. And they are both old enough to sit in on the Council meetings now and do so regularly, and find themselves working together to solve a crisis or something. So they are not friends - they snipe and everything at each other, but things are at least slightly more cordial to each other. So the end of the summer comes, and Balinor returns on Kilgharrah (who always is giving Arthur strange looks, no one understands it) in time to literally spend one day and then pick up Merlin. He and Ygraine watch the boys barely interact at the farewell feast and Arthur doesn't say goodbye to the next morning, he is already at training so the two sigh and give up on those two ever actually being friends, and Balinor mentions that they will be back next summer, but Merlin is also going to start accompanying him when he leaves to smooth things over. Unbeknownst to them Arthur is lurking behind the palace wall, trying to decide whether it would be awkward or not to say goodbye again, and doesn't know how he feels about that and boom then they are gone. And everything returns to normal in Camelot for about a day. Then Morgana wakes up SCREAMING from a nightmare and Arthur, as the only one who can calm her down besides Gwen, is trying to help when she gets out enough to say that Merlin and Balinor are in danger and woah who knew Arthur could run that fast? And within a half hour, Arthur, Leon, Elyan, Lancelot and Percival are out searching for the Dragonlord, the Dragon, and his son. Its past daybreak when they finally see Kilgharrah flying away in the distance, no riders, crying mournfully. They go to where they saw him take off of and find a dying Balinor. Merlin is nowhere to be seen. Balinor lives just long enough to tell Arthur "the beast..it has Merlin. It’s not what you expect." and then in true unhelpfully vague dying plot device fashion, dies. For a month, Camelot and the dragonclan search, Arthur and his knights leading the fray. But as time passes, and Kilgharrah fails to return, and Morgana sees nothing, they all assume Merlin is also dead. Except Arthur. Arthur is convinced that Merlin is still alive, that he is counting on their rescue. He goes to Gaius, who admits that it would be hard to kill a warlock of Merlin's abilities, but also hard to hold him captive. He goes to Morgana, who says yeah maybe something is blocking her Sight, something is off, but Arthur have you eaten anything today you need to slow down. And Leon and the Knights find themselves suddenly training WAY more than usual, and patrols increased and still going on search parties, which ok they are fine with, they liked Merlin, Lancelot was especially close, but let’s be realistic here. But Arthur refuses, because Merlin is a kind and decent kid and he swore to Balinor he would find him. Merlin, meanwhile, is being held captive by the Sidhe, who want Merlin to use his dragonlord/magic powers to help them conquer all of Albion, including Camelot and the dragonclans and the druids. Merlin said "hell no" , refused to summon any dragons and great,the sidhe have crazy powerful magic and now Merlin is cursed to be an actual merlin, like, the bird, during the day (Alvar thinks he's SOOO funny) and only be human at night, and they used some ancient Sidhe dark magic chain to keep his magic bound. At least he has Gwaine, the captured knight errant whose blood the Sidhe keep using for their "noble blood needed rituals" and Mordred, a druid changeling who is SO not up for this Sidhe nonsense but is also 10 and scared to leave on his own, to keep him company. A whole year passes. Arthur is supposed to become king soon but is ignoring the coronation preparations because he has to find Merlin. Finally, FINALLY Kilgharrah answers Arthur's persistent call to COME HELP YOU GIANT LIZARD and gives him MORE vague instructions on Merlin and how to help. When Arthur is king he is outlawing vague statements. So Arthur and Leon go on a "hunting" trip where Arthur sees a merlin. Like, a really magnificent merlin. Leon is about to strike it down when Arthur is like wait MAYBE THIS IS THE SIGN KILGARRAH MEANT and follows the bird, Leon wandering behind him wondering wtf is going on. They follow the bird for fucking miles. Until they reach a really pretty looking lake with a convenient rowboat to get to the island in the middle and Arthur uses it and good lords above, the BIRD JUST TURNED INTO MERLIN. Arthur, who has spent a year trying to find Merlin, suddenly isn't sure what to do (do they hug? They never hugged before but Arthur really really REALLY wants to hug him right now) and Merlin doesn't know why Arthur has crossed his mind so much in the past year (its because its too painful to think about his father, and Kilgharrah, and Camelot was some of the best times of his life, and Arthur was undeniably part of Camelot. That’s all right? No other reasons...) but now they are both kinda awkward around each other. Leon is still recovering from the whole bird thing. So, Leon thinks, ok, found him, didn't even need to fight beast, weird that he was a bird but we can go now right? But Arthur feels this was too easy, and yep, now Merlin is talking about a curse, and this fellow Gwaine (...why does Arthur suddenly feel jealous) is backing it up, and now there's a ten year old staring at them while hiding behind a tree, and essentially Merlin is cursed and can't leave the island unless in bird form and according to Mordred the only way to break a Sidhe curse is with something so powerful and true even magic can't withstand it. "A Great Sacrifice" he calls it. Helpful kid, really. Arthur is determined to not leave without Merlin but now it is daylight and the Sidhe are coming and Arthur go NOW and Leon is dragging him off when a wild burst of magic transports them both to the other side of the lake right as the Sidhe arrive and Merlin is let wondering "wait was that my magic? Since when can I do that again? " The Sidhe aren't stupid, and figure out what is going on, and are going to go after Arthur when Merlin tells them to wait. Tells them he's changed his mind, he'll call Kilgharrah and give them use of his dragon and his warlock blood willingly but they can't go after Arthur. The Sidhe agree, and it is decided the ritual will take place at midnight. Gwaine and Mordred are NOT okay with this plan and Gwaine decides he has to escape to get Arthur to help. He is caught in doing so though and Mordred has to summon up his courage to escape and find Arthur. He gets to Camelot and after finding Arthur and being overwhelmed by all the people (Arthur's coronation is the next day) he tells Arthur what Merlin has done. Arthur leaves, essentially blowing off his coronation, with the help of Morgana and Gwen, who he leaves Mordred with. He also tells Morgana that if anything happens, he knows she will take care of Camelot. Arthur is halfway through the forest on horse when Kilgharrah shows up, asking Arthur why suddenly the future was going dark, and hey, apparently Arthur has a freaking DESTINY to unite Albion. Arthur would really like to be kept in the damn loop on these things. So Kilgharrah takes Arthur to the island, Gwaine helps him fight their way to the ritual, and they get there right before Merlin is about to call Kilgharrah already and be ritualistically sacrificed. So Arthur offers himself in Merlin's place. Blood of the once and future king, tempting right? Conceived of magic and the blood of kings and destiny running through his brain, that's way better than anything else. (somewhere above them, Kilgharrah is muttering "this is NOT why I told you about your destiny you idiotic prince"). Merlin is shouting that he can't DO that he has a kingdom to run, he had Camelot and his mother and Morgana and Arthur just responds that Morgana and Ygraine can take care of Camelot, but he made a promise to Merlin that he would save him and that was what he as going to do, because his life is not worth anything if he can't save Merlin. The Sidhe are like, fine, whatever, blood of kings lets go, and prepare to ritual sacrifice. Arthur lies on the table, prepares to die, and ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Turns out, that whole "true sacrifice thing" needed to break the curse? Apparently, Arthur giving up his kingdom and his life to save the one he loved fits the bill. Merlin's magic is back. And Merlin? yeah, he's PISSED. There are not many Sidhe who escape his wrath alive, and those that do return straight to Avalon. Merlin, Gwaine, and Arthur return to Camelot on Kilgarrah, missing Arthur's coronation by hours, but hey, they can just reschedule it tonight right? (Ygraine is not amused but is also so happy at seeing Merlin she can't really be angry. Morgana is delighted as well, and when she sees how Arthur keeps looking over at him, whispers to him smugly "I saw this in my dreams, you know.") So Arthur is crowned King, and Merlin is right there to witness it, and the first thing Arthur does is knight Gwaine. Later, Merlin and Arthur escape the festivities to a balcony for some quiet, where Merlin pledges Arthur the loyalty of his dragonclan, but Arthur says he doesn't need any armies or dragonclans, as long as Merlin stays by his side. (Kilgharrah, Morgana, Gwen, and the knights all groan loudly from where they are hiding and eavesdropping.) Arthur and Merlin then go off to unite Albion and everything is happily ever after!

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