#and then i miscarried again
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dabideserveslove · 5 months ago
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I haven't been on in a fucking while, life's been crazy yo.
If it makes up for it at all I'm almost done writing a moderately (read: extremely) angsty & smutty ShigaDabi oneshot featuring trans Dabi that may or may not fall into the Light at the End of the Night universe (I haven't decided yet, we'll see what happens lmao) as well as most of the next chapter for the main fic.
I really appreciate everyone who has been so patient with my sporadic updates and I'm gonna go through my asks and answer some of them today, too.
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marc--chilton · 4 months ago
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hey, i’m usually not into mgv stuff because it squicks me very quickly but the way you write it is really cool and interesting! i read your post about house and wilson ending up having a pup because he partially blamed house for not being a parent yet (and also both of them have secretly wanted it for years), and that’s the exact type of risky and angsty that i could see them going with (especially with like, the initial feelings of rejection and wrongness because it would take them a while to get the romantic stuff going on). however, as a lighter but not any less insane counterpart, i want to know your thoughts on them ending up with a pup because of one of their stupid bets where they both secretly hope for that outcome. and then when the results of the bet are in they have separate crises about it <3
aww!!! i'm glad you're having an unexpectedly good time here <33
HONESTLY...... them ending up with a pup because of a bet or a prank is as feasible. like wilson makes a passing comment about his childlessness, house starts half-jokingly theorizing that with all the sleeping around wilson does, he should have had at least one runt by now so the fact he doesn't is probably because "your sperm gives up just like you do with every relationship."
"i don't 'give up' in every relationship."
"you don't. not with me." and house thinks about that for a second. gets this glint in his eye that foretells wilson that he's about to hear something worth institutionalizing for. "we're going run a test."
"i'm not giving you a sperm sample, house."
"good, i prefer the old fashioned way anyway."
"i'm going to regret asking but..... how?"
"my next heat. i'll stop taking birth control, we're gonna go discovery channel, hump each other raw, and if i don't come out of it knocked up, we'll know where the problem lies: in your balls. and i'll get to make fun of you forever. and if i do, then congratulations."
wilson's gone scarlet at the thought of breeding his best friend but still manages to snark back, "like you're in pupping prime yourself!"
and house just glances down at himself -- middle-aged body, bum leg, cane -- and shrugs, not quite looking back at him when he replies simply, "i've been pregnant at worse times."
the infarction. stacy. he'd been thinking about it in the back of his mind but wilson still reels back on hearing house bring it up. he can count on one hand how many times house has talked about it, and wilson still has no clue how to navigate that minefield even after all these years.
but house just chirps, "see ya in my bed in three weeks!" and staggers back to his own office. wilson's face is hot when he puts it in his hands, miffed and drained and purring in the back of his throat and giddy with anticipation.
house, for his part, does his best in the time between their conversation and doing the test to ignore the instinct-riddled corner of his brain that intercepts every other thought at random points of the day, an excited reminder of gonna have a pup! alpha's pup! will they look like him? hope so. he'll take good care of us.
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whentherewerebicycles · 2 years ago
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phagodyke · 11 months ago
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this chest infection is killing me 😭
#its ok im at work prepared i brought a bunch of painkillers and lozenges and camomile teabags whenever i get the chance for a break#wearing a mask helps to keep my airways humid tho so the coughing isnt so bad. as well as not infecting everyone else lol#and i dont have any meetings today so ill wear earphones in the lab + hopefully no one will try to make me talk#my voice is GONE#doesnt help that this period is craaazy heavy either. i changed my pad when i woke up and had to change it again before i left the house#half an hour later bc id already bled theu 2 pairs of underwear and onto (but thankfully not thru) my ONLY clean pair of work trousers#and theyre pale brown so itll show up if i do bleed thru.. i tried to change to my navy ones but theyre still soggy from washing#bc our washer/dryer is broken... argh#well whatever happens happens. im too jaded to be embarrassed by bloodstains and i wear a lab coat all day and then its dark when i leave#so no one would even notice tbh#massive blood clots too.. the hell is going on down there. having a miscarriage fr#one time a few years back i passed a blood clot so huge it did actually look like id miscarried i took a pic cuz it was wild#maybe ill get one that size again this month 😳#it doesnt bother me tho at least its no more painful than they normally are. and ive planned my day back to back w painkillers for this#cold wo hopefully itll cover that too. ahh.. anyway i should go start on my assays#happy tuesday everyonee#.diaries
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cestvreth · 11 months ago
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Today I learned a classmate from elementary school is expecting her first baby very soon and I'm just ??? She's just 2 months older than me and ??? Reality check, damn
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judith1614 · 1 year ago
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Work has been. So hard lately.
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savageboar · 1 year ago
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anything about cat death just makes traumatic memories resurface for me like those damn "me and my cat before the nukes hit" or whatever memes i can't take it man
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gurorori · 1 year ago
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heres a random assortment of dddne đŸȘŠđŸ•Šïž from m y head uhh its jus 2 actually. im violently ill
#its really nothin special ijus think bpdpd mika codependent double suicide cause he both refuses to die without his lover n doesn want em to#keep livin without him n move on from him#n als cause hr doesn wanna die by any other means dat r nawt Their hands#sorry this is a hundred percent inspired by me jackin off to my arms bein cut up by my partner#i want em cut to the bone n dig the knife in n sever as many veins i wanna bleed out in minutes i donno#2 bpdpd mika returns but instead its him bein Dangerously touh starved also ik i usually default to shmk but also like#au (ig?) where mika is So unhealthily attached he cannot keeo a relationship Diagnosis too fucked up so shu ends up leavin him & no one#else wants his lil ass so he resorts to free use esque shit i think he wud swipe right on Anyone desperate to get#any kinr of attention or company but also i wud think he'd really b into the absolute freaks he'd meet on there & he'd try to meet up with#a bunch of em at once @ the same location. yanno wat happens next!#but its nawt sad or tragic its all accordin to his keikaku of gettin absolutely DESTROYED cause wat else is the ultimate manifestation of#attention n love love love#gawddddd i need 2 get r@@@d again so i shut up abt this#idk my own insanity aside i think mika absolutely wud use sex as a copin mechanism. but in the most unhealthy way possible course. it doesn#matter who or wat or whete or how or how detrimental it is to his health as long as he feels somethin n he feels it to an extreme degree#smiles proudly..#hope he gets knocked up n miscarries so many times.#fine..#tw rape#tw suicide#tw forced pregnancy#tw pregnancy#đŸȘŠđŸ•Šïž#might start taggin these properly if i feel cute
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femmeboyhooters · 2 years ago
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porterdavis · 2 months ago
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Read this again in a year or so...
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So, you want me to believe that you voted for a racist, rapist, convicted felon, business fraud who incited a deadly attack on our Capitol after losing the last election because of the price of eggs? That you voted for the orange-dipped dude who ran with a different VP because the last one was nearly hanged for not breaking democracy, because you’ve been getting fewer hours at your job these days?
You want me to believe that you voted for someone who nearly every economist in the world has said will grow our debt (which he did by the third largest amount ever the last time), increase our costs, raise inflation and destroy our GDP because a burger and fries at Five Guys is more expensive than it used to be? You want me to believe that you voted for the drink bleach guy who golfed while thousands of Americans were dying a day because you had it so much better then, when you were stockpiling toilet paper, than you do now?
You want me to believe that you voted for the guy who had 4 years to pass an infrastructure bill and didn’t, the guy who promised Mexico would pay for the wall when they didn’t, the guy who promised to bring manufacturing back, lower the cost of prescription drugs and end the opioid crisis but didn’t, because you preferred his “policies”? You want me to believe you voted for the “grab em by the pussy” guy who wants to destroy the Department of Education and to repeal the ACA despite the fact that he has nothing more than “concepts of a plan” to replace it, the guy who will roll back environmental protections, strip women and minorities of more rights, the guy who will hand Ukraine to Putin and Gaza to Netanyahu, the guy who has said he will be a “dictator on day one”, because you’re worried about losing your gas stove? I’m sorry, but I don’t believe any of that, and frankly, I’m not sure you believe it either.
Because the truth is that your vote wasn’t about any of that. You voted for the traitorous embodiment of the 7 deadly sins because when it came to casting your ballot for a Black woman, you just couldn’t do it. And because you like getting away with being your worst self. And because life is a whole lot easier to stomach when all that has gone wrong for you, is someone else’s fault. Let’s be honest here, that is what it was.
So when the price of eggs is $18, and your Latino neighbors have been deported or moved to some f’d up “camp” to pick the strawberries none of you will pick, and your miscarrying wife has to contend with sepsis before she’s allowed to have an abortion, and your autistic child is unable to get the early intervention they desperately need, please remember what it really was that you voted for.
Because I promise you the rest of us will never, ever forget.
JoJo from Jerz
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sinkovia · 11 months ago
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Consequences
-Simon Riley x Fem!Reader
Angst, mention of miscarriage, mention of death, blood.
Alternative ending
You sat on your bed, a book in hand, your other hand gently resting on your stomach. The room was filled with a warm and serene atmosphere as you flipped through the pages. You were reading about first-time parents and tips on what to do when you first bring your baby home. It was a moment of quiet joy, and you couldn't help but smile.
You were happier than ever, your face radiant with the anticipation of the life growing inside you. After a string of painful miscarriages, you had made it past the usual time period of uncertainty. You were now six months pregnant, and the relief of reaching this milestone was evident in your expression.
You and Ghost had been trying for a baby for the past two years. Each time you got pregnant, you miscarried around the three-month mark. His deployments often left you feeling lonely in the house, and it was time for you to expand your family. The idea of having children had always been a shared dream, and you were now well on your way to realizing it.
Ghost had just returned home, his hands full of grocery bags, which he placed on the table with a heavy thud. He was in the midst of a heated phone call, and you could hear his loud, strained voice from the adjacent room. Closing the book, you set it down on the nightstand and slowly made your way to the kitchen, your footsteps filled with a sense of anticipation.
His voice grew louder as you approached, you strained to listen as you heard his words spill from his mouth, the tension and frustration evident in his tone. He cursed in exasperation, abruptly ending the call and slamming the phone down on the kitchen counter, the resounding noise echoing in the room.
"Is everything okay?" you asked him, walking up slowly, your voice filled with concern. He took a deep breath, his gaze heavy and tired, and then turned to face you.
"Price is deploying me," his words landed like a heavy blow. Your heart sank, and your eyes began to well up with tears.
"What do you mean Price is deploying you? You told me that you talked to him about not sending you on missions while I was pregnant," your voice shaking with emotion. You took a step closer, desperation creeping into your tone.
"You did talk to him, right?" searching for any sign of reassurance. But he wouldn't meet your gaze, his eyes fixed on the counter. Your heartache deepened, and a single tear escaped, tracing a path down your cheek.
"Simon!" you cried, flinching as he slammed his fists down onto the counter. He raised his voice, his frustration turning into anger.
"For fuck's sake, Y/n! No, I didn't talk to him!" he shouted, and you were stunned into silence. The words he spoke were a painful betrayal. You remembered vividly that he had assured you he'd spoken to Price about this.
"I never got around to it, okay? I didn't think you would make it this far. I assumed you would miscarry again, so I didn't bother telling him. I'm sorry, okay?" he admitted, his voice laced with guilt. The room felt heavy with the weight of his confession, and disbelief washed over you as you struggled to comprehend what he had just revealed. Your heart felt as if it had been torn in two. The man you loved and trusted had let you down in a way you never thought possible.
"Are you serious, Simon?" The disbelief and pain in your voice was thick as you confronted him. "This whole time, you were just pretending to be happy, but in reality, you were just waiting for me to miscarry again?" The weight of your words hung heavily in the air, and you fixed your gaze on him, waiting for his response.
He couldn't even bring himself to look you in the eye as you spoke to him, and his voice was heavy with guilt as he admitted, "Yes." Your tears were now falling freely, and your chest ached with the pain of betrayal. He moved past you, grabbing his keys from the counter, his actions leaving you bewildered.
"Where are you going?" you asked, your voice a mixture of confusion and hurt. You moved closer, positioning yourself between him and the door, your determination to address the situation clear in your eyes.
"I'm going out; I need a drink," he responded, his words sounding callous and uncaring. You scoffed in disbelief, feeling the need to get to the bottom of this situation.
"No, you're not. We need to talk about this—" You reached for his hand, but he forcefully ripped it away, turning to glare down at you, his anger laid bare.
"There's nothing to fucking talk about, y/n. I'm deploying in two weeks, and nothing will change that!" He raised his voice, his frustration evident.
Your heart ached as you took a step back, struggling to understand his behavior. "Why are you acting like this? Why are you yelling at me?" you asked, your voice trembling as tears continued to fall.
"Because I'm fucking stressed, y/n. I didn't think you would make it this far into your pregnancy. Now, I'm getting deployed, and I don't know when I'll be back," he snapped, his own frustrations and anxieties taking over.
"Why are you taking it out on me?" You couldn't hold back the pain in your voice. "It's not my fault you didn't tell Price. You should have told him. I'm six months pregnant, Simon! How long were you going to wait until you told him?"
"Did I say it was your fault?!" he shot back, his anger flaring. "I know what I should have done, but I didn't, and now we are here. Now, get the fuck out of my way."
The harshness in his words cut deep, and you looked up at him in disbelief. He had never spoken to you like this before. While you knew his temper could be volatile, he had never taken it out on you in such a way.
"No, I don't want you to leave," you pleaded, trying to keep him from walking out the door. "We need to work this out, Simon. You know how I feel about things like this." You were insistent on resolving conflicts, always wanting to talk things through.
"I don't care how you feel; I don't want to talk about this right now," he retorted, his voice filled with frustration. "I need a fucking drink, so get out of my way." The desperation in his words hung in the air, and you couldn't believe the person he was becoming in this moment.
You shook your head, tears welling in your eyes. "No, I won't let you leave." Your resolve was strong, and you were determined to keep him here until you could address the issues at hand. His frustration had pushed him to a point where he was leaving the house in anger, but you couldn't let that happen. You would never let him leave the house when you guys were upset with one another. It was always something you were insistent on.
His hands went to your shoulders, and he harshly moved you out of the way. You stumbled, almost losing your balance, but you steadied yourself. He walked out the door, slamming it behind him, leaving you alone with a heavy heart and a whirlwind of emotions. You couldn't hold back the overwhelming flood of emotions that consumed you, and you collapsed onto the floor, your body wracked with deep, wrenching sobs.
In all the time you had been together, he had never laid his hands on you in anger like that. His temper was known to flare, but this was an entirely new level of intensity, especially considering he was the one at fault for the situation. You remained on the floor for what felt like an eternity, weeping into your hands, your heart heavy with a mixture of pain, betrayal, and despair. It was an hour of solitude in your sorrow before you mustered the strength to get up.
Getting up to your feet, you made your way to your room, your phone in hand, desperate to reach him. You attempted to call him, your fingers trembling. But just as you were about to press the call button, a sharp and agonizing pain coursed through your stomach, stopping you in your tracks. You were begging, repeating the words, "Please, not again," as you made your way to the bathroom, tears filling your eyes. You were in agony and feared for the well-being of your baby.
You collapsed on the bathroom floor as the pain became nearly unbearable, unlike anything you had experienced before. It felt as though your insides were being torn apart, and you couldn't bear it. With trembling hands and tears streaming down your face, you pressed the dial button and called Simon, your voice choked with pain and desperation.
You cried out as the agony radiated through your body, each moment feeling like an eternity. The phone rang and rang, but there was no answer from him. It eventually went to voicemail, leaving you with a sinking feeling of abandonment and despair. As the pain intensified and your vision blurred, you set the phone down on the bathroom floor, your sobs echoing through the empty room.
Your trembling hands moved between your legs, coming away soaked in blood. Panic and fear gripped your heart as you propped yourself up against the toilet, leaning over it for support. Desperation consumed you as you reached for your phone once more, this time dialing 911 in a desperate attempt to get help.
But the blood on your fingers made it difficult, and the phone slipped from your grasp, landing with a sickening splash in the toilet. Your heart sank as you watched the screen turn black, your lifeline to assistance lost in the crimson-stained water.
Tears streamed down your face as you sat on the bathroom floor, gripping your stomach. You watched as the blood began to pool beneath you, and you cried out in anguish. You mustered all the strength you could, attempting to get up from the cold, hard bathroom floor. You needed to get help. Panic and agony coursed through you as you struggled to rise.
The pain was unbearable, and you knew something was terribly wrong. This was beyond the point of a typical miscarriage, given how far along you were in your pregnancy.
As you moved, a searing, relentless pain tore through your body, causing you to scream out in sheer agony. You lay on the bathroom floor, helpless and writhing in pain, your body refusing to cooperate.
An hour had passed, and in your hands, you held your stillborn baby. You sat against the bathroom wall, surrounded by a growing pool of your own blood. Emotions swirled within you, leaving you feeling numb and empty. You asked yourself what you had done to deserve this.
Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring the world around you as you sat there, grappling with the reality of the fifth baby you lost. Your body was supposed to be nurturing new life, but instead, it had betrayed you once again. It felt like a cruel and never-ending nightmare.
With great pain and effort, you retrieved a small box from under the sink. You had experienced miscarriages so often that you'd prepared for such moments, stashing the small boxes under the sink. Gently, you placed your baby inside and closed the lid, tears still silently falling.
You lay on the cold, tiled bathroom floor in a growing pool of blood, your body trembling with exhaustion and pain.
In your arms, you cradled the small, delicate box, the weight of grief pressing heavily on your chest. Every passing moment seemed to drain you further, and the relentless flow of blood showed no signs of stopping.
Each breath became more laborious, your vision blurred, and you could feel your strength waning with each passing second. Your sobs and cries were replaced by an eerie silence as you struggled to hold on, the world fading around you as you clung to the precious, heartbreaking reminder of the life that would never be.
Ghost, sitting at the bar with Soap, had been sharing the situation he was in. It was late into the night, and the bar's dim lighting seemed to reflect the weight on Ghost's shoulders.
He ended up calling Price again, explaining that you were pregnant, and the conversation had been a long and tense one, going back and forth as they argued about the deployment. Finally, Price made the decision not to deploy Ghost on the mission.
With a deep exhale, Ghost felt a mixture of relief and guilt. He knew he had to make things right with you for the hurtful words he had spoken. For the way he treated you when you only wanted to talk it out. For breaking the promise you made to each other to never leave the house when one was upset with the other. Soap patted him on the back, offering his support and reminding Ghost that he really needed to make it up to you.
They ordered a few more drinks, and as the night wore on, they both realized they were in no condition to drive. It was then that they decided to walk to Soap's house, which was conveniently located only five minutes from the bar.
Their plan was to return in the morning, and whoever was in better shape would drive to the store to pick up the things Ghost needed for you.
Morning came, and they walked back to the bar to retrieve Ghost's car. Ghost ended up driving to the store where they selected a variety of items, ultimately deciding to make a basket filled with things you liked.
In the passenger seat Soap arranged the items in the basket while Ghost took a quick detour to the florist, picking out the largest and most beautiful bouquet of flowers he could find before going home.
Soap followed close behind Ghost as they entered the house, he placed the gift basket in the kitchen, and Ghost slowly made his way to the bedroom. He slowly opened the door, and noticed that you weren't in bed so he started to walk over to the bathroom.
He stopped dead in his tracks as he noticed the blood that had seeped from under the bathroom door. Panic surged through him as he rushed to open the door.
His heart dropped, and his breath caught as he found you lifeless, lying in a pool of blood. Your gaze was far away, and you held a small box beside you. He recognized it immediately – the same small boxes you used for the miscarriages.
With a rush of emotions, he took a hesitant step forward, but his balance wavered as he almost slipped on the blood-soaked floor. Rushing to your side, he carefully set the small box aside, his trembling hands unsteady. Ghost cradled your cold face in his hands, tears streaming from his eyes as he sat on the floor, your blood seeping into his clothes.
"Y/n baby look at me, please look at me, love. You're okay, it's okay, it's going to be okay."
He called out for soap, who was in the kitchen. Soap attempted to approach you, but Ghost, his voice strained with grief and guilt yelled at him.
"Johnny just call 911!" he hurried to the kitchen to make the call, leaving Ghost alone, cradling your lifeless form, lost in a world of anguish and guilt.
He called out to you, his voice a desperate plea, but there was no response. Ghost's cries of anguish filled the small bathroom, echoing the unbearable pain in his heart. Tears streamed down his face, and he continued to rock back and forth, cradling you against him.
His voice quivered as he muttered, "I'm so sorry, y/n... It's all my fault... I should have told Price
 I should have told him
" he breathlessly whispered against your cold cheek. The weight of his regret was crushing, and the burden of knowing that his actions had led to this moment was almost too much to bear.
Simon held your lifeless body in his arms, the weight of your cold form pressing on him physically and emotionally. The room felt suffocating, and the air was thick with the metallic scent of blood and grief. As he cradled you, all he could think about was the what-ifs and the guilt that gnawed at his conscience.
His mind tried to replay the scene of your final moments over and over. The thought that you were in pain, alone, and scared haunted him. He pictured you suffering, reaching out for help, and he wasn't there for you. The echoes of laughter and clinking glasses from the bar where he was drinking seemed deafening in his mind. While he was having drinks with Johnny you were here, alone and dying.
His eyes wandered to the toilet, where he saw your phone lying there. A chilling realization struck him — that missed call he ignored. Did the phone slip from your weakening grasp after calling him for help? Did you wait for a lifeline that never came? Guilt, heavy and consuming, pressed down on him, making every breath a struggle.
In that heartbreaking moment, Simon felt the weight of the consequences of his actions. The regret and sorrow mingled with the deafening silence of your absence, creating a painful symphony of remorse that would echo in his heart forever.
The memory of his last words to you, spoken in anger, haunted him. Those words, "I don't care how you feel," echoed in his mind like a relentless mantra. He wished he could turn back time, go back to that moment, and change everything.
He longed to take back the hurtful words he'd spoken and to be there for you in your time of need. He wished he had never stressed you to the point of pushing you into another miscarriage. But it was too late, and the reality of the consequences of his actions had come crashing down on him.
Grief enveloped him as he clung to your lifeless body, your silence an agonizing reminder of the happiness he had let slip through his fingers. The guilt and regret were insurmountable, and Ghost's world had shattered into a never-ending nightmare of his own making.
Alternative ending
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silusvesuius · 9 months ago
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remembered this list i made with my friend a while back what does every1 think
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flowerandblood · 29 days ago
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The Price of Pride (24/?)
[ canon ‱ Aemond x Royce ‱ female ]
[ warnings: smut, targcest stuff, the angst, uncomfortable conversations, offensive terms and mild violence ]
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[ description: Prince Aemond finds a solution to the disproportion in the number of dragons between Dragonstone and King's Landing: he decides to find dragon blood and, like his half-sister, train dragon riders. He takes as his target the daughter of Daemon Targaryen and Rhea Royce, whom he abducts and imprisons in the Red Keep. Slow burn, darkish, insolent, arrogant Aemond. I have combined several requests here: (dragon blood female & prisoner female). ]
* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *
Next chapters: Masterlist
_____
He was gentle because of the baby.
Or at least that's what she kept telling herself as he made love to her again slowly and affectionately, looking deep into her eyes. He panted and murmured into her mouth between hot, messy kisses full of their saliva and tongues, his broad hand stroking her hair as he built the familiar tension in her loins with deep, sure thrusts.
It was a sweet torture; he already knew her body intimately and was aware of where to hit so that a thrill of wonderful pleasure ran through her spine each time. All she could do was run her fingers down his naked, sweaty back, stroking his long jaw, babbling and moaning beneath him like a little girl, wanting to take everything he was giving her.
He was gentle because of the baby: because he didn't want her to miscarry.
They had both suffered too much already.
So she absorbed his affection and warmth, dreading the moment when she would awaken as if from a beautiful dream, colliding again with his rougher side.
On the one hand, she also craved that part of him, dark and unpredictable, aggressive and cruel – however, now that he was vulnerable and sweet, coming each time with a loud sigh of relief, she felt with him safer than ever before.
His embrace was full of care, understanding, support.
Everything about his attitude said: I don't want to hurt you.
"I want to fly to Runestone."
Her husband, lying right next to her on the bedding, breathing heavily after their shared exertion, looked at her with shock mixed with disbelief, his eyebrows arched in consternation.
"What?" He asked dryly.
"I want to fly to Runestone." She repeated. "To see my cousin. Gain his support for your cause. To return home."
"King's Landing is your home, as is any place where I am." He hissed impatiently, his pupil narrowed like that of a cat.
He hadn't expected this, and her words came as a blow to him.
He felt threatened and was ready to attack.
He swallowed hard, taken aback as she lifted her hand up, her fingers running gently down his jaw.
"I never asked you for anything. I never expected anything. But if I'm supposed to heal, I have to do it." She said calmly.
"You are healed. And you are with child. I'm not allowing it." He replied coldly, rising from the bed, grabbing impatiently at his tunic that lay on the floor.
She swallowed hard, leaning on her elbow, feeling her heart pounding like mad.
"I will do this with or without your permission, husband."
She saw his hands freeze in half-motion as he fastened the buckles of his tunic, his nostrils twitched, his lips pressed together in a thin line.
She was stepping on the edge of a knife and she knew it, but she couldn't act otherwise.
"As the wife of the Prince Regent, I am a free woman and have the right to visit my relatives. Don't I?" She asked in a trembling voice, clenching her fingers on the fabric of the sheet.
He stood motionless for a moment, staring dully ahead, his chest rising and falling rapidly in loud, raspy breaths.
He was furious and torn internally.
"I am your family now. I thought it was enough for you." He said with some strange kind of regret that made her feel a deep, painful sting in her heart.
"You are the love of my life." She whispered.
She saw that he swallowed hard, hearing these words – they surprised him and he had not expected them at the moment. His eye grew big, like that of a little boy, filled with warm affection and a desire to believe what she said.
"Then why?" He asked. "Why do you want to leave me? Now that
"
Now that we are closer than ever, she finished for him in her mind.
"Your presence saves me during the day. It allows me to breathe. But at night I dream about my father and I won't find peace until I speak to someone who watched him and my mother. I need answers. I can't ask him anymore because I killed him myself."
She felt her body begin to tremble as she said those words aloud – she felt like they were some kind of curse, something that weighed over her like a dark, heavy cloud.
"I want to forgive myself. I want to find peace so that instead of mourning him, I can focus on our child who lives in my womb. And on you." She finished, looking at him hopefully.
She could see that he was hesitating, she could feel it in his clenched hands, in his blank stare, in his bent figure.
"I don't know him. How can I be sure that he will not make you a prisoner? That he will not hand you over to Rhaenyra so that she can threaten me? Force me to bend the knee?" He muttered, finally sharing with her what was truly troubling him.
"But I know him, my husband. He's a proud but good man. Faithful to his family. Faithful to me, just as I have always been faithful to him. He and I are alike. I know that with his support, conquering the Eyrie and striking the final blow against your sister will be easier. But I have to appear there alone to make him believe that I am doing this of my own free will. To make him accept our marriage."
"What right has he to decide whether our marriage is valid in the eyes of the gods or not?" He growled, looking at her with pain mixed with rage.
"You abducted me against his will. You humiliated him in the eyes of his men, his own servants." She muttered, shrugging her shoulders, unable to comprehend how he could not understand this.
"Perhaps he did not protect you well enough. After all, abducting you in the middle of the night was surprisingly easy. No one rushed to your aid, am I wrong? Your cousin did not storm the gates of the Red Keep at the head of his army, demanding that I return you to him." He said coldly, causing an unpleasant shiver to pass through her.
"You sound like you're proud of yourself, and just a few days ago you assured me you regretted it." She reminded him wryly.
She gasped as he turned and moved towards the door like an enraged bear, leaving the chamber with a loud slam of the door.
Why, after all she had done for him, did he not even try to understand her?
She buried her face in her hands, thinking she must have done it.
She needed to know the answers to all the questions she had in her head.
As she rose from her bed after so many weeks of misery, putting on her riding attire again, she felt powerful – a sense that she was taking her destiny into her own hands and decided who she really was gave her strength.
That was what she was missing; the freedom that, after all, had been taken from her by her own husband the day he abducted her from Runestone.
She just wanted to make it right.
To make her cousin forgive him for this insult.
She believed this could determine the fate of their war.
To her disappointment, her husband returned to his chamber very late and did not even look at her when she rose to meet him. Instead of approaching her, he sat down in a chair right by the hearth and froze like that, thoughtful, staring into the flames. He looked like a stone – his face and gaze were completely expressionless – she thought that this sight reminded her of something, and then she understood.
He looked just like he had when she met him.
Is this what she will see when she returns?
The man who had closed his heart to her anew?
"Aemond." She mumbled, approaching him slowly, feeling fearful for some reason.
She realised that he would not forgive her for this.
That there was still that vain and proud part of him that couldn't accept that she wanted to defy his command.
His will.
In his eyes she would be blamed for everything that would be the consequences of her decision.
He didn't even flinch at hearing his name – his body gave the impression that he was comfortably spread out, however, she knew it was only an illusion – she could see by his clenched jaw, by his fingers rubbing against each other in a nervous gesture that he was full of annoyance and embitterment.
"Please, my love. Let us not part in anger. Give me your blessing." She muttered with difficulty, staring at him pleadingly, but he did not look at her.
‘No,’ was his reply.
And although a moment ago she had been completely sure of what she wanted to do and that she would do it at any cost, now she wasn't certain that the price wasn't too high: whether she was able and willing to risk what she had built with him, even for herself.
"Why can't you understand me? Why, even though I always forgive you, you can't sacrifice your pride for me for once? Now, when I need you the most." She cried out in a breaking voice, feeling tear after tear begin to run down her face, making the room around her blurry.
She saw that he swallowed loudly, as if he remembered that he should breathe, but he didn't move even a bit, as if he was a stone statue.
He was punishing her because she wanted to leave him.
Or at least that's what it looked like in his mind.
She pressed her lips together as her hand undid the buckles of her coat – he flinched and raised his hands in a defensive gesture, shocked when she threw the leather material at his face. He only rose when he saw that she wanted to do the same with her boots, but he didn't make a sound – he bent down, avoiding the impact as the object flew over his head, hitting the wall on the other side.
"I'm staying. Are you satisfied? Look. I'm going back to bed where I belong. To fucking and bearing your children as you desire." She exhaled in a voice breaking with rage, hissing through her teeth as if she wanted to bite him.
She tore off her clothes, whooping with her own cry until she was left in just her nightgown, and then threw herself on the bed, snuggling into the cold sheets.
She had lost, and it was a feeling full of disappointment and bitterness; she had lost to her fear that she would lose him, to the fear that when she returned she would find him in the arms of the Witch of Harrenhal, to the fear that without his love her life would again lose meaning.
She could hear him breathing loudly and she could hear him standing exactly where he was, shocked by her outburst, by what had happened, but most of all and beyond all reason by the fact that she had stayed.
Despite everything she had told him.
It seemed to her that an eternity passed before she heard the quiet creaking of the wood beneath his feet, before she felt the weight of his body behind her back on the bed, before his hand touched her arm.
She pulled away from him, furious.
"Now you want to touch me? Now you want to graciously open your mouth? You have no shame." She growled, feeling her heart pounding like mad in her chest, heavy tears of bitterness running down her red, swollen face.
I hate you, she thought.
I hate what you made me do.
"If you wish so much to speak to your cousin: let him come to Harrenhal. Send word to him, and I will receive him with all honours." He whispered in a trembling voice.
He was terrified, for this was not what he had expected.
He had thought that he would be the one to play the victim, the wounded man whose heart had been broken by his beloved woman.
And now everything had turned against him.
She snorted, tightening her lips in exasperation at the thought.
"He is to come here like a dog to my summons? He's a proud man. He won't until he hears from your lips that what you did to me was unworthy." She said dryly.
She heard him swallow hard, tense. He was silent for a long moment, as if fighting with himself.
"I will be the one to send him a letter, then. I will ask his forgiveness. I will let him know that you wish to see him and that no harm will come to him or his men in Harrenhal." He proposed at last, surprising her.
I will ask his forgiveness.
"He will know that this is about the Eyrie and not about me. He won't believe your good intentions. He will think you are trying to use me for your own ends." She muttered, feeling her rage slowly begin to drain out of her.
He was trying to give her something in return.
To find a solution that would satisfy them both.
"What he thinks is not important: what will matter is that he will come here to see you. If, as you say, he is a wise man, he knows that the balance of power does not tip on Lady Arryn's side."
"And what if he refuses? If he remains faithful to her?" She asked in a trembling voice, feeling the question hover over them like a heavy cloud.
Her husband was silent for a long time.
"I will let him leave, for the sake of my affection for you. But when it comes to the battle, you cannot expect him to experience my favour." He said at last.
She turned on her back to look at him – he was lying very close to her body, but he did not try to touch her. His gaze was the same again as it had been when he was desperate – he was looking at her, hoping that what he had said, his efforts to make things right were enough for her to forgive him.
"When will you send word to him?" She asked quietly, playing with her fingers.
"Tomorrow at the very dawn. If you wish, I will let you read what I have written." He whispered, softening with each passing moment.
His fury passed, exactly as hers had.
They both took a step back.
She shook her head.
"I don't need to read it. I trust you to write the right thing." She mumbled.
She heard him swallow hard, twisting in his place.
"Can I touch you?" He asked, and she nodded.
She sighed as his arms embraced her instantly, as his broad hand pressed her face into his chest, as his familiar, soothing scent filled her lungs. She clenched her fingers against the material of his tunic and breathed out loud, feeling relieved.
"Forgive me. I don't know what to do with myself when you enrage me, so I remain silent." He whispered at last, combing his hand through her dark curls.
I know, she thought.
That's just the way you are.
"Forgive me for throwing things at you. I didn't mean to hurt you." She replied, trailing her fingers down his arm.
"I know, my love. I know I'm a difficult person. I'm trying to change. To make you proud of me." He said and leaned in, placing a long, warm kiss on the top of her head.
My love.
"I am proud of you." She said, lifting her head up, meeting his face.
His gaze was gentle – his thumb ran over her soft cheek, sinking into the silky structure of her skin.
"I don't wish to fight you. You are my greatest ally and I need you by my side. You carry our future within you and you cannot put yourself at risk." He whispered.
She nodded with understanding and purred quietly as his full lips placed a wet, tender kiss on her forehead.
"Did you speak honestly then?" He asked suddenly, nuzzling his nose into her face.
"What do you mean?"
"You said I was the love of your life." He said, looking at her uncertainly, as if he feared he would see something in her gaze that would contradict that confession.
"You are." She whispered. "It is a difficult love that requires sacrifices, but I believe you are worth my efforts. That I know you and your heart."
She said, sliding her hand down to the area on his chest where she could clearly feel a strong beat underneath.
"You were the only one who always believed in me. You always helped me when I fell. You could have taken advantage of my weakness, but you didn't." He muttered wearily, clearly moved for some reason. "You are not to me only a vessel to conceive and bear my children. That was the fate that befell my mother and I would not condemn my own wife to the same. If this is how you feel by my side, forgive me, for it means that I am not fulfilling my duties as a husband properly."
She swallowed hard, feeling the tears under her eyelids again, however, this time for a completely different reason; he touched her heart the most at moments like this.
When he opened up at least for a moment.
"No. You are a good husband. No one has ever cared for me the way you do." She whispered, stroking his cheek tenderly.
They embraced each other and fell asleep like that at last, knowing that there was nothing more that could be said.
Indeed, as promised, the next day the first thing he did was to write a letter – she could see that he had thought long and hard about how to put his thoughts into words. They both knew that diplomacy was not his strongest asset, but she wanted him to prove to her and to himself that if he wanted it, he could behave properly.
That day she attended the council with him for the first time since the day her father died.
Although she had not expected it, her return was most warmly welcomed by Criston Cole.
"My Lady. Accept my sincerest condolences." He said before they moved on, completely surprising her.
She knew that the fact that she had chosen her husband over her father was proof to him that he had been mistaken in his judgement – she had never blamed him for thinking she was a spy, as he was, in his own way, trying to protect the royal family.
However, what touched her most was that his words were sincere.
The silent war between them had been resolved.
Although Gwayne Hightower was not thrilled with the idea of bringing Lord of Runestone to Harrenhal for fear that he would divulge information to the enemy about their troop numbers and plans, Ser Criston and her husband unanimously agreed that his support would be worth the risk.
"If the vassals of House Arryn were to turn against their lady, the Eyrie would be left completely defenceless. We would cut Rhaenyra off from her allies in the North and gain another advantage. We know she is trying to lead an army from Winterfell to the south of the Kingdom and is surely waiting for the right opportunity to exact revenge." Cole said, to which her husband nodded.
"We're in a good position and now she's the one who has to worry about how to secure victory. She's desperate and will certainly make mistakes. Let's look for allies in the Vale to further weaken the morale of her supporters. Once her own people lose faith in her, her new dragon riders will also abandon her. This could be our chance."
Her cousin had not replied to her husband's letter, but she knew full well that he would not do so. She felt, however, that he would come to see her, and she waited impatiently for that moment, which came a few days later.
"My Lady. Lord of Runestone has arrived."
For the first time in many months, she felt pure joy – only now, sitting alone in one of the stone chambers, she realised how much she had missed him.
Her husband had allowed her to speak to her relative in private – admittedly there were guards standing at the door, but she was still grateful to him for making a concession to her.
As the door opened, she rose from her chair, smiling broadly. Lord of Runestone stepped inside in full armour, as if ready to be challenged – one of the guards approached him before he had time to cross the threshold of the chamber.
"Your sword and dagger, my lord." He said, extending his hand to him.
Her cousin threw her a protracted, frustrated look and she nodded, encouraging him to do as he was asked. Admittedly reluctantly, he gave the guards his weapons – when he stepped into the room and the door finally closed behind him, she threw herself into his arms.
"Allard!" She called out, embracing him around the waist. Her relative reciprocated the embrace and sighed heavily, as if relieved.
Allard Royce was a stocky, tall man: his dark hair fell in thick curls over his shoulders, his fresh stubble adding to his age, although he was only ten years older than her. He grasped her face in his hands and lifted it so that she looked at him – she smiled even wider, seeing his familiar gaze.
"I have come to free you from this stone prison." He said.
She blinked, feeling a cold discomfort in her stomach, and laughed, shaking her head.
"There is no need for that, cousin. I'm not here against my will." She said, forcing herself to be calm and light in her voice.
Allard furrowed his thick eyebrows in displeasure and regret.
"Has his manipulation gone this far already? Has he succeeded in dragging you to his side?" He asked, lowering his hands, causing another wave of unpleasant feeling to run down her spine.
She swallowed hard and shook her head, feeling the panic rising inside her.
"What he did was undignified and reckless, it's true. But he never hurt me. I agreed to marry him of my own free will." She muttered, playing with her fingers in a nervous impulse.
Why was she convinced that this conversation would turn out very differently?
Her cousin snorted and moved forward, circling the room with a loud clang of his steel armour.
"So why all this farce? This letter? Are you trying to convince me to kneel before the Uzurpator?" He asked coldly, and she shook her head again.
"N-no. I wanted to ask you about my mother. And my father." She mumbled.
"The same one your husband killed?" He sneered, making her heart thump harder in her chest.
No.
I killed him, she thought.
But she felt ashamed to utter those words.
"Yes. My father challenged him." She explained, looking at the old wooden floor beneath her feet. "But before he fell, he told me that my mother added poison to my milk when I was a child. Is that true?"
Allard stopped in half step and threw her a surprised look full of horror. She saw in his expression that her question made him uncomfortable, as he turned his face towards the window.
"I don't know anything about it." He replied.
She swallowed hard, knowing he had lied to her face.
"My father said you were the one who informed him of this."
Her cousin closed his eyes and sighed, as if the conversation was making him very tired.
"That night you got a high fever. There were
 rumours spreading around the fortress. I didn't know what to do, so I sent word to him. I hoped he would do the right thing for once. And then he killed Rhea." He said dispassionately, shrugging his shoulders.
"Because she wouldn't let him take me to King's Landing." She said wearily, feeling that this was the moment.
The moment of truth.
She felt a cold shiver run along her body as her relative burst out laughing.
"And you believed him? Then why didn't he take you with him after he murdered her, hm? Who could forbid him from doing so? Do you think King Viserys would not have supported his own brother in this matter even if I had objected?" He scoffed, making her feel the pleasant image she'd been putting together in her head for the past weeks begin to slowly crack.
She wanted to believe that he loved her.
She wanted to believe that if he could, he would have acted differently.
But the truth was that he had never fought for her and perhaps that was why he had grabbed her hand then, deep underwater.
Perhaps it was his apology.
"Do you wish to hear anything more from my lips, Princess Targaryen, or may I return to my duties?" He asked lightly, casting her a look of regret and disappointment.
As if he wanted to tell her that he had raised her differently.
She was supposed to be a Royce, not a Targaryen.
"Forgive me. I did not mean to insult you. I thought this meeting would bring you joy, as it did to me." She muttered.
"Your husband, the self-proclaimed Prince Regent, humiliated me in front of my people. He made you his whore, giving cause for gossip and mockery to the entire Kingdom, and then graciously married you because of your kinship without even asking my opinion, even though I was the one who raised you. He didn't invite me to the nuptial ceremony, he ignored me in every possible way."
"He knew that because of Lady Arryn you would not be able to attend." She mumbled with difficulty, feeling tears of shame burning under her eyelids.
He had made you his whore, giving cause for gossip and mockery to the entire Kingdom.
Was this really how the Realm perceived her?
"Do you think this cold cunt from the high mountains would have stopped me? That I would have chosen her and not you? I raised you. I did." He hissed, slamming his fist into his armour.
"I know. I know, but I swear his words and his apology are sincere." She said pleadingly, but her cousin shook his head.
"This piece of parchment is supposed to be a compensation? He can wipe his ass with it. He's just a little cripple with a big dragon who flies around the Seven Kingdoms thinking he's king. Did he burn his brother by accident too?" He exclaimed, infuriating her for some reason.
"Your words are treason." She said coldly.
Allard closed his mouth, breathing heavily, a challenge in his eyes.
"Cut off my head then. Show me who you really are and what you choose."
"No. Go back to Runestone. My husband was right. It was a mistake." She said dryly, feeling nothing but emptiness in her mind.
Although Allard had always hidden his feelings perfectly, she could see in his gaze that her words had caused him pain. He shook his head in disbelief and moved towards the door without even a word of farewell.
She collapsed onto the chair listening to his footsteps in the distance, only then letting bitter tears of disappointment run down her cheeks.
She imagined that they would throw themselves into each other's arms, that after a few cruel words they would come to an understanding, that she would tell him about the child in her womb, that there was hope for them and their lineage.
To him, however, she had become a stranger.
A Targaryen Princess.
She lowered her gaze as she heard someone's footsteps again, but this time moving closer to the chamber she was in – she knew that her husband had stopped at the threshold of the door and that he was looking at her.
She knew that he had seen how the conversation had gone.
"Hāedar." Was all he said, and that was enough.
She hid her face in her hands, feeling ashamed that she had been so naĂŻve: suddenly her idea of travelling, all by herself, to her family stronghold seemed plainly childish to her.
She cried out loud, feeling humiliated and disappointed, believing that she could have had two families at once, that their bond was more important than politics and war.
She heard him move towards her – he stepped over her and embraced her, cuddling her head into his stomach. He stroked her hair and just looked at her, silent.
She thought he certainly felt a hot satisfaction, but wouldn't admit it out loud.
"You were right." She whispered. "It was a mistake."
"I'm sorry." He replied, though she knew he wasn't.
Perhaps some part of him felt sorry for her, but the other part was pleased that no one could take her away from him anymore.
She couldn't blame him for that.
"Did you find the answers to your questions?" He asked, combing his fingers through her dark curls.
She closed her eyes, thinking that now there was only them.
Their family.
Their bond.
Their destiny.
"Yes."
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sweetstarcollector · 1 year ago
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So phrases like "people with uteruses" or "people who have periods" never really bothered me as much as more overtly dehumanizing phrases like "bleeders" or "birthing bodies", but I saw a post today talking about the abnormal symptoms women experienced after getting tear gassed protesting, that ended with something like "we don't know the full effects of tear gas on people with uteruses". And what struck me about that is that's not really correct, because female people without uteruses (either bc they were born without one or bc they had a hysterectomy) will still experience different symptoms after being tear gassed than male people. Women metabolize substances differently than men, our immune systems are different, our hormonal cycles are different, our skin has different thicknesses, etc. All of those things have potential effects on tear gas reactions, and are not dependent on whether or not we have a uterus. They're dependent on whether or not we're female. So saying "people with uteruses" when what is meant is "female people" is not really accurate. And I realized that a lot of times when people use those kinds of phrases, they aren't being accurate.
For example, I'm sure we've all seen people say things about how the repeal of Roe v Wade will harm people with uteruses/people who can get pregnant/etc. And while yes, it definitely harms those people, the full truth is that abortion bans harm *female* people, *regardless of if they can get pregnant or have a uterus.* Because female people who don't have uteruses can still get pregnant, and in those rare cases will 100% of the time need an abortion. Female people who deal with infertility and can't carry a fetus to term can still be jailed for miscarrying. Female people who are completely sterile (for whatever reason) can still be denied medications/medical treatment on the grounds that the treatment could theoretically harm a fetus. Female people who may currently have no uterus/no longer be able to get pregnant but who have had an abortion in the past will face increased stigma.
Here's another example:
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It seems pretty straightforward- menstruation stigma is experienced by people who menstruate. But again, that's only half true. Period stigma is experienced by all female people, regardless of if they menstruate. Think about the fact that we are told female people should not hold political leadership because "what if a female president has PMS and starts a war", despite the fact that almost all female presidential candidates are old enough that they would have experienced menopause. Female people have their feelings dismissed because "it must be that time of the month", regardless of if they're too young to menstruate or too old or if they have a condition causing amenorrhea. Female children grow up seeing periods- a natural function of their bodies- portrayed as disgusting, dirty and gross, as making them unclean, as something to dread and fear. This affects them before they experience menarche, this affects them even if they never experience menarche. It affects all female people.
I could come up with more examples, but you get the idea. Reducing female people to singular body parts and organs inherently denies the reality of femaleness. All parts of us (both biological and social) interact with all other parts of us to form an experience that can't be understood by chopping us up and putting our individual functions under the microscope. In order to get an accurate picture you need to look at the whole (female) human.
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allfearstofallto · 9 months ago
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hii! can i make a request?
I've been thinking about angsty things a bit. say if, reader got pregnant, would she hate it? how would scara/childe react? in my opinion, id like to think that scara thinks of this as a way to tie her down to him more, plus its canon he likes kids!! and as for childe i think he'd be very very happy since he has soooo many siblings, (maybe he wants a lot of kids too??)
and..what if reader miscarried? i have this thought of where scara would still be cold to her but give her breaks and more space than usual, but what if reader completely locks herself in and then when he confronts her about it they get into a huge argument, how would scara tackle that, would he resort to abusive tactics and would it increase readers hatred & distance more?
just a brainrot, you dont have to write about it if you're not comfy^_^
This took me so so so long!! I'm so sorry if you were waiting for it!!
I don't typically write for things like pregnancy because it makes me uncomfortable, but I'd be lying if I said I do not absolutely fucking adore angst and hopelessness.
Parasite
Yandere! Scaramouche x Fem! Reader
Forced Marriage AU
TW: 18+ MDNI, Dark Content, Forced marriage, Pregnancy, Miscarriage, Mentions of Dub/Non-Con
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A week late turned into two. Two turned into a month. A month turned into three. And three turned into unusual cravings for foods that didn't go together. Sickness and vomiting clouded the hours of your mornings. Dread filled your body the second you realized what this was. Stress makes your cycles late, you told yourself, stress makes your entire body change, and this was a stressful situation, but stress wasn't causing this, was it?
Scaramouche could tell the changes in you immediately. As someone who constantly kept tabs on your life, it was only fair to assume that he'd noticed your slight fluctuation in weight and lack of asking for your monthly cloths. When you were called into his office, you felt a hot flash all over your body, you assumed it was fear, but it could've also been nausea.
His office was a place filled with dread. The air in the room was too thick and worst of all, he was there. The room made you feel small, the only good thing about it was that he was usually too focused on his mile high stacks of paperwork. Except today. Today his razor sharp gaze was focused on your trembling form as you bowed to him, his eyes following down, then back up.
“Answer me honestly,” he began, hands planted on the wood in front of him, “Are you with child?”
If you could throw up again, you would. Of course, you knew all this time, but you never wanted to say it. You hoped, just hoped and prayed that maybe if you never acknowledged it, it would all go away. It would all be a bad dream. But it was true. There was something disgusting living inside you. And it was his.
“I believe so, my lord,” the words couldn't even completely fall from your lips before you were a blubbering, sobbing mess of anguish and fear. Despite the fact that you were completely breaking down before him, he had a small smile on his face, like he was proud of what he'd done to you.
“That's good,” he said calmly, wiping away your tears and planting a forced kiss upon your face. His touch felt cold as ice, but his hands against you made you want to melt your skin away.
The reaction to the “good news” was immediate, whether that was good or bad was up in the air, but everything changed. The tight obi of all the kimono you owned would put too much pressure on your budding stomach, new one's were ordered to be ready as you grew more in size. Your diet was changed completely, less of the Inazuma raw delicacies and more lean meat and vegetables. Daily classes of calligraphy and tea ceremonies were switched to resting with your feet up or light stretching, everything to keep you happy and healthy during your pregnancy.
The biggest change was Scaramouche himself. A man filled with so much hatred and disgust, was suddenly being kinder. Or trying to at least. You watch him open his mouth to make a comment, only to shut it again in favor of saying something still rude, but less insulting.
The Scaramouche that believed that he could take your body whenever he pleased was long gone, even though that was what got you in this predicament in the first place. He'd taken to leaving you in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom to sate his urges. He'd come back with cold damp hands and lay next to you, a protective hand over your stomach as he kissed your cheek and told you how much he loved you.
The day you saw blood between your legs and felt an aching pain in your stomach was a joyous one indeed. A part of you wanted to scream out in glee, but you didn't want to wake your already on edge husband. The blood that coated your fingers could only mean one thing. One good thing. It was gone. You were free of it. Almost immediately, the dark air that seemed to linger over your body vanished and you let out a sigh of relief.
Scaramouche was informed shortly before breakfast that same morning. You relayed the information to a maid, who then told him, whispering the words in his ear so quietly, it sounded like she was speaking gibberish. His face, his expression, changed to one shock, then horror, then pain. You didn't even know he could make such a face, yet there he was with tears in his eyes.
“Wh-what happened?” There was that tone again. The one you were used to. The anger and distaste for you in his voice. He slammed his fist down on the desk, turning his head away from you as his voice became high and breathy, so desperate for answers, “What did I do wrong?”
You stood in his office awkwardly, even this display from a person you hated, this display of agony was hurting you as well. You thought it would be funny. Seeing the man who pulled you from your home and forced you into marriage in pain was supposed to make you happy, but you felt your own chest clenching, felt your hands tremble.
“I-i suppose
I was stressed, my lord,” you muttered, his already labored breaths hitching at those words. The few months you were carrying that thing inside your body, was when he asked for less from you. He expected you to laze around all day and relax. For your body to fall into a daze like trance of naps and delicious food. He wanted happiness for both you and his child that you carried, yet you were still the most stressed you'd ever been in your entire life, knowing that he had something inside you. Something that would continue to fester and grow, until it eventually ate you alive.
He sat back in his office chair dejected, hurt, and empty. Scaramouche's normally sharp, glaring eyes were wide as he stared at the ceiling, body limp as he bit his lip, “Leave me,” he sighed, his voice barely above a whisper. Had it not been for the quietness of the room, you wouldn't have heard him.
Leave him you did, closing the door as silently as possible and not lingering behind. You felt yourself finally stop tensing, telling yourself that all your woes were over, for now. The thing was gone. You were happy. For once, even if unintentionally, you'd won over your captor.
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hoe4sports · 8 months ago
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Expantion
Alexia Putellas x Reader
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Summary: After a miscarriage, you are pregnant again hopeful that this time will be it. But this time, things are not what you hoped they would be.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Something is wrong. The midwife is taking an extra second look at the ultrasound. She’s stopped talking. She’s stopped smiling. She’s stopped everything. She’s just looking. Her eyes glued to the screen without as much as an emotion on her face. She’s moving the probe. And looking some more. Oh no. Not again. Your heartbeat was increasing. It felt like it was about to beat through your chest. You had miscarried once already. The first IVF attempt had surprisingly worked. Only to be ripped away from you after 2 months. No heartbeat. No baby. No future. You had decided that you were ready to try again just shy of Christmas. It was now May, and summer was fast approaching. Alexia had been stuck in traffic as practice had been running late, and she was just around the corner. You couldn’t even imagine having to tell her that once again; your body had killed her egg, her baby. The first time it happened, she didn’t say much. She was so supportive that I t hurt. But when she thought you were sleeping, she let her tears flow. How was she gonna react to this again? What was a third try gonna look like? Would she even want to go for a third try? You didn’t know if that was a possibility. Due to the poor state of her eggs, you didn’t get many good eggs from her, and very few of them had matured into good quality embryos ready for transfer. It had all happened in a short amount of time: from kissing her for the first time to buying a house and trying for a baby all in the span of 3 years. What if she couldn’t handle this? You got nauseous by the thought of it.
“Sorry, I’m just gonna go and get the doctor. Just wait here mrs.Putellas.” The midwife said as she stood up and walked out. You reached for your phone as you pulled your sweater down causing the gel to stick to the inside of your sweater. You didn’t care. You didn’t want to see the tiny bump. You didn’t want to let the doctor see the bumb. You didn’t want the doctor to tell you that your baby was dead. You wanted to hide the bump, and to run away so you didn’t have to deal with reality just yet. You had to once again tell Alexia that you fucked up. It couldn’t have been anyone else’s mistake. It had to be yours. You had been so careful, but you had that one piece of shrimp you shouldn’t have had a few weeks ago and you had a stomachache a few days ago without connecting in to the pregnancy. Alexia had insisted on seeing a doctor, but you insisted that you were perfectly fine. And now you were paying the consequences for it.
“Hola, mi amor, lo siento mucho. The traffic was horrible, so I parked upfront. Don’t expect anything but a fine” the Spaniard sang as she walked into the room, a little out if breath. Her smile quickly faded as she saw your serious grin. “Preciousa, are you okay, no?” She asked with a shaky voice as she pulled a chair out to sit close to you while she grabbed your hand. You shook your head as tears formed in your eyes. “Ale, she said that she was gonna get the doctor to come look” you mumbled as your head hang down. “Oh” alexia said as her good energy died out. “I’mo sorry” you said as you buried your face in your hands. “I’m so sorry, ale. I’ll do better next time, I promise” you said as a tear escaped your eye. “Amor, let’s wait for the doctor. It will be okay. I can get some time off and we can travel, just stay at a resort and relax in the heat, si?” She said as her hand touched your belly as if it was purely routine. “But for now, let’s wait for the doctor” she said as she kissed the side of your tiny belly that were still covered by your sweater. You nodded as you tried to distract yourself with the thought of going on vacation. Thailand would be nice, or Bali. Or south-Africa. Greece was also nice, but you had already been there. Cap verde was close and had lots of beautiful beaches. You sat in silence for a while until the door swung open again. “Sorry again, Mrs.Putellas, let’s take a look now shall we” the older woman said as she gestured for the doctor to sit down on the chair to look at the ultrasound. You unwillingly leaned backwards and pulled up your sweater awaiting your penalty. The midwife pointed on the screen and the doctor nodded. “Mhm, I see” she said as she moved the probe around on your belly. You held your breath terrified of the words that were about to come out of her mouth. You didn’t wanna hear it. You gripped Alexia’s hand hard and got a second of reassurance when she squeezed back.
“So, the results. Two things.” The doctor started as your heart-rate skyrocketed. Alexia gripped tighter in your hand and you felt her skin becoming somewhat damp. “First: Your little girl is perfectly fine, she’s small for her age, but she’s getting there” the doctor said as you gasped. Your little girl. A girl. A girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes looking like her mami. “A girl?” Alexia said as her eyes teared up. The doctor nodded as she smiled. “A girl, a princesa” she said as she smiled. She turned around the screen of the ultrasound so you could see your daughter. She was moving her legs slightly, but she still wasn’t big enough that you could feel it. “The second thing i wanted to tell you is, well, exactly that. Second. The second baby is also a girl. Twins. Most likely identical.” She said. Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped. “Que? There’s-there’s two?” alexia said as she scooted closer to the screen as the doctor pointed out the second twin. “Si, dos, correct. She was just hiding behind her sister, which is why she hasn’t shown herself yet” the doctor explained as she gave tons of information about how check ups were gonna have to happen more often than before. You didn’t catch any of it, as you were just releaved that the baby was alive. Your eyes were glued to the baby on the screen. Well, the babies. The girls. Your two girls. They were fine, healthy and growing. You were snapped out of your thoughts when the doctor and the midwife left the room to allow you to breathe. None of you said a word. The room was dead quiet.
“I-I guess we need to go shopping again” she stuttered while looking it you. You nodded. “Two cribs, two strollers, two carseats for both of the cars, oh my god! Do we need a new car to fit the girls??” She panicked as her eyes widened kicking your brain into action. “Babe, it’s okay. There is two girls. They are both healthy. Everything is good. We are all good.” You said as you stood up and embraced her. She held you tight. “God, I just can’t believe it. There are gonna be little girls running around soon. Not just any little girls, our little girls” she said as she wrapped her arms around you kissing the top of your head. “Yea, our little girls. And twice the love” You said as you breathed in her scent instantly calming you. “Our perfect little girls” she said as she placed a hand on your belly. «Our perfect little girls» you repeated as she kissed you.
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