#and then i have to remind myself that it's the same feeling as looking at topstitching

[oldsoul007]

7 summers

joel miller x reader

summary: After seven years apart, you see Joel Miller again, and what once felt like a fleeting teenage fling comes rushing back, forcing you to confront the love you never truly let go.

a/n: suggestive scenes, kissing, angstyish, fluff

joel miller masterlist

The summer I was eighteen, I fell in love with Joel Miller.

Not that I ever admitted it—not to him, not to myself, and certainly not to Tommy. Joel was Tommy’s older brother, and Tommy was my best friend. He was the one person in my life who knew everything about me, who’d always been there when I needed him. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin that. So, when Joel and I started sneaking off together that summer, I convinced myself it was just a fling, a secret I could lock away and never think about again.

But it wasn’t.

That summer was everything. Stolen kisses by the lake, his rough hands trailing down my arms, the way his voice turned soft when he called me “darlin’.” He wasn’t just my first love; he was my whole world, even if I couldn’t say it out loud. I wanted to. God, I wanted to tell him. But every time I opened my mouth, the fear of what would happen—the fallout with Tommy—kept the words stuck in my throat.

By the end of the summer, I was gone. Off to work, off to whatever life waited for me outside of our small Texas town. I swore to myself I’d move on, forget him, and never let myself feel that way again.

But some loves don’t fade.

Seven summers later, I was doing just fine—at least, that’s what I told myself. Then I ran into Tommy at a bar. Same grin, same easy laugh. For a second, it felt like we were kids again, back when everything was simple.

“y/n l/n,” he said, pulling me into a hug. “Where the hell have you been hiding?”

We talked for hours, catching up, reminiscing about all the trouble we used to get into. By the end of the night, he’d convinced me to come over for dinner. “It’s been too damn long,” he said. “You gotta come by. I’ll cook, just like old times.”

I didn’t think twice about it. I should have.

When I walked into Tommy’s house two nights later, I saw him. Joel.

He was leaning against the kitchen counter, a beer in his hand, looking exactly like I remembered—but somehow more. Broader, older, rougher around the edges in a way that made my stomach twist. The second he saw me, he froze, his eyes locking onto mine.

“Y/n,” he said, my name soft on his lips.

“Joel,” I whispered, my heart hammering in my chest.

Tommy, oblivious as ever, waltzed into the room and clapped a hand on Joel’s shoulder. “You two know each other, right? Y/n used to hang out all the time when we were kids.”

Joel glanced at me, waiting, and I knew he was asking me to hold the line. To keep the secret we’d buried all those years ago. Somehow, I found my voice. “Yeah,” I said, forcing a smile. “We’ve met.”

seven summers ago

The room was dark, the only light coming from the soft glow of the moon streaming through the thin curtains. It painted faint shadows across the walls, moving slightly with the breeze that didn’t quite reach us. The night was warm and heavy, the air clinging to my skin, and the constant chirp of crickets outside filled the silence. I lay flat on my back, my head sinking into the flat pillow of the old, creaky bed in my family’s lakehouse.

Joel was beside me, close enough that I could feel the heat radiating off him. His shoulder brushed against mine every time one of us moved, a gentle reminder of how little space there was between us. We hadn’t spoken for what felt like hours, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It was heavy. Dense with the weight of things neither of us wanted to say.

I turned my head slightly, just enough to look at him. The moonlight caught the angles of his face, his jawline sharp and his dark eyes fixed on the ceiling like he was trying to untangle some thought that wouldn’t let him go. I swallowed the lump in my throat and fidgeted with the frayed edge of the blanket resting around our waists, trying to quiet the thoughts spinning in my head.

“What do you think you’ll be doing in ten years?” I asked, my voice soft. It felt like the kind of question that belonged in a moment like this, one that could break the silence without shattering it.

Joel’s brow furrowed slightly, like I’d caught him off guard. He turned his head to look at me, the corner of his mouth tugging up in that small, shy smile he did so well. “I don’t know,” he said, his voice low and easy. “Probably still workin’ construction, maybe startin’ my own business if I’m lucky.”

I smiled at the thought of it—of Joel running his own business. It felt so… right. “You’d be good at that,” I said, meaning it. “You’re good with your hands.”

He chuckled softly, shaking his head like he didn’t believe me, but his gaze lingered. “What about you?” he asked, his voice quiet but steady. “What’s y/n gonna be doing in ten years?”

I bit my lip, my smile faltering as I stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know,” I said after a pause. “Just something far away from here.”

I felt Joel shift beside me, his voice hesitant when he repeated my words. “Far away?”

“Yeah,” I said, keeping my eyes on the ceiling. “I just… I’ve always felt like there’s something out there, you know? Something bigger. I don’t want to stay stuck in one place forever.”

There was a long pause, and I could feel his gaze on me even though I didn’t look at him. Then, slowly, I felt his hand brush against mine. My breath caught as his fingers tentatively laced with mine, his palm warm and a little rough.

“You won’t be stuck,” he said softly, his voice sure but carrying something else—something deeper.

I turned my head to look at him, our hands still tangled between us. “How do you know?” I whispered, my voice unsteady.

His eyes didn’t waver as they held mine, dark and steady. “’Cause you’re different, y/n. You’ve got somethin’—a spark or somethin’. You’re meant for more than this little town.”

His words hit me in a way I wasn’t prepared for, filling me with equal parts hope and fear. I wanted to believe him—to believe that I was different, that I was meant for something more. But the thought of leaving, of leaving him, made my chest ache.

“What if I don’t want to leave everything behind?” I asked, my voice so soft I wasn’t sure he’d hear it.

Joel’s expression softened, his thumb brushing lightly over the back of my hand. “Then don’t,” he said simply. “But don’t let anyone hold you back, either. Not me, not Tommy… no one.”

His words settled over me, heavy and full of meaning. He was giving me permission, I realized—not that I needed it, but it still felt like he was handing me something. Something I wasn’t sure I could take.

I turned my gaze back to the ceiling, my throat tight and my heart pounding. There were a thousand things I wanted to say to him, things I couldn’t untangle from the knot of feelings twisting inside me. I didn’t want to leave him. He was the one thing that made staying feel worth it.

But I didn’t say any of that.

Instead, I squeezed his hand, letting the silence take over again. It stretched between us, thick with everything we weren’t saying, everything we might never say.

Joel didn’t pull away, and neither did I. We just lay there, our hands still tangled together, the weight of the moment pressing down on us as the warm summer night carried on.

The smell of grilled steak and warm buttered rolls filled Tommy’s kitchen, a scent so familiar it made my chest ache. It was the kind of meal I’d had a hundred times at the Miller house, back when summer nights were spent on their back porch, laughing over cold beers and fireflies.

I hadn’t expected to feel so at home here after all these years. But I also hadn’t expected Joel to be sitting across the table from me, looking at me like I was some kind of ghost from his past.

It had been seven summers since I last saw him—since I left. Seven years of growing up, of moving on, or at least trying to. But sitting here now, it felt like no time had passed at all.

“So,” Tommy said, leaning back in his chair as he nursed a beer. “Y/n, what the hell have you been up to? Feels like forever since we’ve seen you.”

I smiled, shrugging slightly. “Oh, you know. Work, life. Moved around a little, but I’m back now.”

Joel, who had been quiet most of the night, finally spoke up. His voice was lower, rougher than I remembered, like time had left its mark on him. “Didn’t think you’d ever come back.”

His words weren’t harsh, but there was something underneath them—something I couldn’t quite place.

“Neither did I,” I admitted, meeting his gaze. “Guess life doesn’t always go the way you think it will.”

Joel scoffed, shaking his head as he cut into his steak. “Ain’t that the truth.”

Tommy grinned, oblivious to the tension thickening between us. “Well, now that you’re back, maybe we can finally convince you to stick around for good this time.”

I gave a small laugh, but before I could answer, Joel spoke again. “Surprised you ain’t married yet.”

I blinked, caught off guard. His tone wasn’t teasing—if anything, he sounded genuinely curious.

“Yeah,” Tommy chimed in, smirking. “I figured some poor guy would’ve snatched you up by now.”

I rolled my eyes at Tommy’s comment, but it was Joel’s reaction I was focused on. His fork was still in his hand, his knuckles just a little too tight around it, his eyes steady on me like he was waiting for an answer.

“Guess I just haven’t found the right guy,” I said finally, keeping my voice light.

Joel’s jaw tightened slightly. He looked like he wanted to say something, but instead, he just nodded, his gaze flickering away as he took a slow sip of his beer.

I felt my stomach twist. There were a hundred things I wanted to ask him, a hundred things I wanted to say, but none of them felt safe—not here, not with Tommy sitting between us, completely unaware of the unspoken history filling the room.

“So what about you?” I asked, tilting my head. “Married yet?”

Joel let out a breath of a laugh, shaking his head. “Nope”

I waited for him to say more, but he didn’t.

And just like that, the conversation moved on, Tommy rambling about something from work, and I forced myself to laugh along, to pretend like my heart wasn’t pounding, like Joel’s words—and the look in his eyes—hadn’t completely thrown me off balance.

But I could feel it.

That pull. That thing between us that had never really gone away.

And by the way Joel kept sneaking glances at me across the table, I knew he felt it too.

Dinner stretched on, filled with Tommy’s easy conversation and the occasional laugh, but I barely heard any of it. My mind was stuck on Joel—on the way he kept glancing at me, on the weight behind his words, on the tension that hummed between us like a live wire.

It felt like the past was pressing in on us, slipping through the cracks of time as if the last seven years had been nothing more than a breath between moments.

When the plates were cleared and Tommy started rambling about a game he wanted to watch, Joel stood, grabbing a beer from the fridge. He hesitated for a second, then looked over at me.

“Come out back with me?” His voice was casual, but his eyes told a different story.

I shouldn’t have gone. I should’ve made an excuse, said my goodbyes, and walked out that door before I let myself slip any further into something I wasn’t sure I could handle.

But I nodded anyway.

I followed him through the screen door onto the back porch, the night air thick with the scent of freshly cut grass and warm summer air. The old wooden planks creaked under our weight as we stepped out, the sound familiar in a way that made my chest ache.

Joel leaned against the railing, taking a slow sip of his beer as he looked out at the yard. I stood beside him, hands gripping the edge of the wood, waiting for him to speak.

After a long pause, he exhaled and said, “Didn’t think I’d ever see you sittin’ at our dinner table again.”

His voice was softer now, quieter—just for me.

I swallowed, staring down at my hands. “Didn’t think I would be, either.”

He was quiet again, then he asked, “Why’d you come back?”

I let out a slow breath, watching the way the fireflies blinked lazily across the yard. “Needed a reset,” I admitted. “Life didn’t exactly turn out how I thought it would.”

Joel hummed, like he understood that better than he wanted to admit. “You runnin’ from somethin’?”

I hesitated before answering, because maybe, deep down, I was. But not in the way he thought.

“Not running,” I said carefully. “Just… trying to figure things out.”

Joel nodded like he got it, his fingers tapping absently against the neck of his beer bottle. He looked over at me then, his eyes dark under the dim glow of the porch light. “Seven years, y/n. That’s a long fucking time.”

I met his gaze, my throat tightening. “Yeah,” I whispered. “It is.”

Another pause stretched between us, thick and heavy. Then, so softly I almost didn’t hear it, Joel said, “I missed you.”

The words knocked the breath right out of me.

I turned to fully face him, my heart hammering in my chest. “Joel…”

He shook his head, setting his beer down on the railing before rubbing a hand over his jaw. “You don’t gotta say anything. Just—” He exhaled sharply, like he was fighting some internal battle. “Hell… It’s just… weird, you know? Havin’ you here again.”

I nodded, because it was weird. It was terrifying. It was everything I hadn’t let myself feel in years rushing back all at once.

“I missed you too,” I admitted, my voice barely more than a whisper.

Joel’s eyes flickered with something—something deep and unreadable. His fingers curled around the railing, his knuckles flexing like he was holding something back.

I should’ve walked away then. I should’ve let the moment pass before it became something bigger, something neither of us could take back.

But I didn’t.

Because the truth was, I didn’t want to.

And judging by the way Joel was looking at me, like he was seconds away from breaking, neither did he.

The night stretched thick between us, heavy with words we weren’t saying, with memories pressing in like ghosts we couldn’t shake. Joel was still gripping the railing, his fingers tightening and loosening like he was trying to talk himself out of something.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to.

“Feels like a lifetime ago,” he finally murmured, eyes still locked on me. “You and me. Sneakin’ around, swearin’ we weren’t—” He huffed a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “—feelin’ things we both knew damn well we were.”

His words hit deep, settling somewhere behind my ribs. Because that was the truth, wasn’t it? We had never admitted what we were, never spoken those words out loud, and yet, we both had known.

I swallowed, forcing my voice to stay steady. “We were just kids.”

Joel turned toward me then, slow and deliberate. “That what you tell yourself?”

I didn’t answer, because we both knew the truth. We hadn’t been just kids. Maybe we were young, maybe we didn’t know how to say it back then, but it had been real. As real as anything I’d ever felt.

Joel took a step closer, not enough to touch me, but enough that I could feel the warmth of him, could smell the mix of beer and cedarwood that clung to his skin.

“You happy?” he asked, his voice quieter now, more careful.

The question caught me off guard, not because it was unexpected, but because I wasn’t sure how to answer it.

I looked up at him, at the way the years had settled into him—lines at the corners of his eyes, a little more weight in his stance, a quiet kind of tiredness in his gaze. But underneath it all, he was still Joel. Still the boy who once laid beside me on a summer night, our fingers laced together, talking about the future like it was something we had all the time in the world to figure out.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Are you?”

Joel exhaled, his jaw clenching just slightly before he shook his head. “No”

The word settled between us, bare and unguarded.

For a moment, neither of us spoke. The sounds of the night filled the silence—distant laughter from inside, the low hum of crickets, the creak of the porch as Joel shifted closer.

Then, softly, like he wasn’t sure he had the right to ask, he said, “You ever think about it?”

I knew exactly what he meant.

I wet my lips, my heart pounding so loud I was sure he could hear it. “Think about what?”

Joel’s gaze dipped down to my mouth for half a second before coming back up. His voice was lower now, rougher.

“Us.”

I swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

Joel took another step, and this time, he was close enough that I could feel the heat of him, could see the way his breathing had slowed like he was holding something back.

“I think about it all the damn time,” he admitted. “What it would’ve been like if you stayed. If I—” He stopped himself, his hand flexing at his side before he finally met my gaze again. “If I hadn’t let you leave without sayin’ somethin’ real.”

I felt my breath hitch.

seven summers ago

The morning air was crisp for late August, the kind of cool that hinted at the coming fall. The sun hadn’t quite broken through the haze yet, and the lake behind Tommy’s house was still and gray, like it was holding its breath. My car was packed, the trunk stuffed to the brim with clothes, books, and the small reminders of home I couldn’t bear to leave behind.

Tommy leaned against the side of my car, his arms crossed and his usual cocky grin nowhere to be found. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen him look this serious. His dark hair was a mess, like he hadn’t bothered to brush it, and his shirt was wrinkled from where he’d probably pulled it off the floor.

“You sure you’re ready for this?” he asked, his voice low and unusually hesitant.

“Yeah,” I said, though my voice wavered. “I think so.”

He shook his head, a small smile breaking through. “You’ve been talking about leaving since we were ten. If anyone’s ready, it’s you.”

I tried to smile back, but my chest ached too much to manage it. “Doesn’t make it any easier,” I admitted.

Tommy’s grin softened, and he stepped forward, pulling me into a hug that was tighter than I expected. He smelled like summer—grass, lake water, and a hint of the cheap cologne he always overused.

“Don’t forget about us little people when you’re out there changing the world, alright?” he said, his voice muffled against my hair.

I laughed, but it came out watery. “I could never forget you, Tommy. You wouldn’t let me.”

“Damn right,” he said, pulling back. His eyes were suspiciously shiny, but he blinked fast and didn’t let it show. “Call me, okay? I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night. I wanna hear about everything—college parties, classes, annoying roommates, all of it.”

“Promise,” I said, my voice thick.

He stepped back, giving me a mock salute before wandering toward the house. And that’s when I saw Joel.

He was standing on the porch, leaning against one of the wooden beams like he’d been there the whole time. He wasn’t smiling, wasn’t moving, just watching me with an expression I couldn’t read. His dark eyes locked on mine, and for a second, it felt like the whole world had gone still.

I hesitated, my chest tightening as I took a shaky breath and forced myself to walk toward him. The porch creaked under my weight, and when I stopped in front of him, he straightened, his hands shoved into the pockets of his worn jeans.

“Didn’t think you’d come say goodbye,” I said softly, my voice catching in my throat.

Joel’s jaw tightened, and he glanced away, staring out at the lake like it held the answer to whatever he was struggling with. “’Course I’d come,” he said after a long moment, his voice low and rough. “Wouldn’t let you leave without it.”

I swallowed hard, my hands curling into fists at my sides to keep from reaching for him. “I’ll miss you,” I said, the words barely above a whisper.

His gaze snapped back to mine, and for a second, I thought he might say something—something I’d been waiting to hear for what felt like forever. His mouth opened, but then he closed it, his shoulders stiffening as if he’d talked himself out of it.

“Don’t let anyone hold you back,” he said instead, his voice steady but distant. “Not me, not Tommy… no one.”

The words hit me like a punch to the chest. They were the same ones he’d said to me that night at the lake house, the same ones that had stayed with me long after the summer ended.

I wanted to scream at him, to shake him, to tell him that he wasn’t holding me back—he was the only thing making it hard to leave. But I couldn’t. The words stuck in my throat, too tangled up in everything I felt for him to come out right.

Instead, I nodded, blinking hard against the tears threatening to spill. “Take care of Tommy for me,” I said, my voice trembling.

Joel’s lips twitched in the faintest hint of a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Always.”

There was a beat of silence, the kind that stretched so long it felt unbearable. Then, before I could second-guess myself, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him.

For a moment, he didn’t move, and I thought he might pull away. But then his arms came around me, strong and steady, holding me tighter than I’d expected. I buried my face in his chest, breathing him in—sawdust, sweat, and the faint trace of cologne he only wore when he had to.

I wanted to stay there forever, to let the rest of the world disappear, but I couldn’t. I pulled back, my hands lingering on his arms for just a moment before I let them fall to my sides.

“Goodbye, Joel,” I said, my voice barely steady.

He didn’t say anything, just nodded, his dark eyes heavy with something I couldn’t name.

I turned and walked to my car, my chest aching with every step. As I slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine, I glanced in the rearview mirror. Joel was still standing on the porch, his hands shoved in his pockets, watching me drive away.

I didn’t look back again. If I had, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to leave.

“You think it would’ve changed anything?” I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper.

Joel’s throat bobbed. “I don’t know. Maybe.” He ran a hand over his face, letting out a breath like he was fighting with himself. “But I do know one thing.”

“What?”

He lifted his hand, hesitant at first, then finally brushed his fingers along my arm, his touch featherlight but enough to send a shiver up my spine.

“I ain’t ever felt nothin’ like I felt with you,” he murmured. “Not before. Not after.”

I sucked in a shaky breath, my body swaying toward his before I could stop it.

“Joel…”

He shook his head, his hand trailing down my arm until his fingers barely skimmed mine. “Tell me you don’t feel it,” he said, voice rough and strained. “Tell me you don’t feel like we lost somethin’ we weren’t supposed to.”

I wanted to lie. Wanted to say that I had moved on, that whatever we had back then was just young and reckless, something that wasn't meant to last.

But I couldn't.

Because I did feel it.

I felt it in the way my chest ached just looking at him, in the way his touch still sent a shiver down my spine, in the way every moment we spent apart felt like time wasted.

I swallowed hard, my fingers curling slightly under his. "I can't tell you that," | whispered.

Joel's breath caught, his fingers tightening ever so slightly around mine, like he was holding onto something he wasn't ready to let go of.

For a long moment, neither of us moved. The air between us was thick, humming with something too strong to ignore, too real to pretend wasn't there.

The air between Joel and I crackled with so much unspoken tension, it was almost unbearable. My heart pounded against my chest, every nerve alight with the pull between us, but neither of us moved. We were so close, I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips, his hands lingering on my waist as if he were just waiting for me to make the next move. And I almost did.

But before I could, the sound of the screen door creaked behind us.

“Hey, you guys coming back in?” Tommy called out from the doorway, his voice loud and clueless as ever. “I got that game on, and I’m not drinking alone out here.”

I froze, every muscle in my body locking up, and for a split second, it felt like the world had just stopped. Joel pulled back, almost imperceptibly, his hands still resting on my waist but no longer holding me so tightly. We both turned toward the door, where Tommy was standing with a grin, completely unaware of what had almost happened.

Joel cleared his throat, shifting awkwardly as he took a half step back. “Yeah, we’ll be right in,” he called back to Tommy, his voice rough, like he was trying to hide the tension that had just exploded between us.

Tommy, oblivious to everything that had just passed between us, gave a lazy wave and turned back inside. “Don’t take too long, man! You know I need company for the game.”

I watched him disappear into the house, the door swinging shut behind him with a soft thud. A long, silent moment passed between Joel and me, and I could almost hear the words that neither of us was willing to say. But we both knew it—what had just happened. What had almost happened. It hung between us like a heavy fog, and yet, neither of us moved to bridge the gap.

Joel was the first to break the silence, his voice low and rough. “Guess that’s our cue.”

I nodded, my throat tight as I tried to process everything. The heat between us hadn’t gone away, not even with Tommy’s interruption. If anything, it only made it stronger. But now, standing here with Joel so close, with everything hanging in the air, I wasn’t sure where to go from here.

“Yeah,” I managed to say, my voice shaky. “Guess it is.”

Joel let out a breath, running a hand through his hair, the familiar gesture that always made him look like the same guy from years ago. He didn’t seem as certain as he had just moments before. There was hesitation now, uncertainty.

He gave a short nod, turning toward the door. “Come on. Let’s not keep Tommy waiting.”

I followed him back inside, the weight of everything unsaid pressing down on me. The door swung shut behind us, and we both slipped back into the routine of being around Tommy, pretending like nothing had changed.

But it had.

I could feel it in the way Joel’s eyes lingered on me when he thought I wasn’t looking, in the way my chest tightened every time he spoke, like I was trying to hold myself together while something deeper, something real, threatened to spill out.

I wasn’t sure how we were going to handle this. How we were supposed to go back to the way things were. But for now, we were both content to pretend. Pretend that everything was fine, that Tommy hadn’t just unknowingly interrupted something that could change everything.

I stepped out onto the porch, the cool night air brushing against my skin, but my body still felt warm from the tension that lingered between us. I hadn’t expected things to go the way they had tonight—especially not after so much time had passed. But there was no denying it. The pull I felt toward Joel had never truly gone away.

“Let me give you a ride home,” Joel said, breaking the silence as he stepped up beside me. His voice was low, a little gravelly, and there was something in his eyes—something that made my heart race.

I hesitated for a moment, looking back toward the door, knowing I should just leave and get some space to clear my head. But the desire to be close to him again, even just for a little longer, was stronger than any of the reasons I told myself I should go.

“Yeah,” I said, finally giving in, “okay.”

We walked to his truck, the soft crunch of gravel underfoot the only sound between us. The night felt different now, charged with something neither of us wanted to acknowledge—at least, not yet. When we got to the truck, Joel opened the door for me, his eyes never leaving mine as I climbed in. The truck door shut with a soft thud, and I settled in, trying to steady my breathing.

The drive was quiet, the only sound the hum of the engine and the occasional rustle of leaves in the breeze. But the air between us was thick with everything unsaid—the years apart, the memories we couldn’t forget.

When we finally pulled up to my place, I felt a lump form in my throat. I didn’t want to say goodbye—not yet, not like this. But what else was there to say?

Joel’s truck rumbled to a stop outside my house, but neither of us moved immediately. The air felt thicker now, heavier, charged with all the things we hadn’t said. My heart was racing in my chest, the silence between us louder than any words could’ve been.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said quietly, trying to force some kind of normalcy into the situation. But my voice trembled, betraying everything I was trying to hide.

Joel didn’t answer at first, just stared at me for a moment. His brow furrowed, his jaw tense, like he was struggling to keep control. Without another word, he climbed out of the truck and walked around to my side, his movements slow but purposeful.

I froze for a second, wondering what he was doing. But when he reached the passenger door, he opened it, his eyes meeting mine with an intensity I couldn’t ignore. “Let me walk you to your door,” he said softly, as though it was a question, though neither of us needed permission.

I nodded, my throat tight, and stepped out of the truck, trying to steady myself as I moved toward him. His presence was magnetic, pulling me in as we walked together, side by side, toward the porch.

The night was quiet around us, but everything felt loud—our footsteps echoing, the rush of my pulse in my ears, the space between us that felt far too small for both of us to be standing in. My mind raced, but my body seemed to know exactly what it wanted, gravitating toward him with every step.

When we reached the front door, Joel stopped, turning to face me. There was something in his eyes, something raw and desperate, like he couldn’t stand to let go of this moment. The weight of the unspoken hung between us, and for a split second, I almost thought he would say something, but he didn’t. He reached out, his fingers brushing against mine, a quiet, gentle touch that sent a shock through my body.

“Y/n…” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. His hand lifted to my face, his thumb brushing over my cheek as he took another step closer. My breath hitched in my throat as I looked up at him, barely able to hold his gaze.

The moment felt too fragile, and I couldn’t make myself say anything else. Slowly, I turned toward the door, my hand reaching for the handle. “Goodnight, Joel,” I said, my voice barely audible.

He didn’t speak as I opened the door, stepping back just enough to let me through. I kept my gaze focused ahead, not trusting myself to look back at him, afraid of what I might see, afraid of what I might feel.

The door clicked shut behind me as I walked into my house, the weight of the night settling around me. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I'd told myself I wasn't going to give in, that I was going to walk away and let things be, but Joel's words, his touch, had made it impossible to ignore the truth l'd buried for so long.

I slipped out of my shoes and made my way into the living room, my heart still racing from everything that had happened. As I sank into the couch, the silence in the house felt suffocating. I closed my eyes, but all I could see was Joel-his face, his hands on me, his kiss.

I was trying to talk myself down, to convince myself that I could move on. That I should. But just as I was about to stand, I heard a knock on the door.

I froze. My heart skipped a beat.

I walked slowly to the door, trying to calm the rush of emotions flooding my chest. When I opened it, there he was— Joel. Standing in the dark, his posture tense, but his eyes searching mine like he had to say something, like he couldn't leave without it.

“I can’t walk away from you again,” he said, his voice shaking ever so slightly.

Before I could even respond, his hand reached out to gently tug me closer, and his lips crashed onto mine. The kiss was fierce, urgent, as if he was trying to make up for the years apart, as if he couldn't stand the space between us anymore. I gasped, my hands coming up to clutch at his shirt as I kissed him back, my body pressed against his, needing him as much as he needed me.

He pulled me fully into the doorway, his hands moving to my waist, guiding me backward into the house. The door closed behind us with a soft thud, but neither of us paid attention to it.

All that mattered was the way his lips moved against mine, the way his touch made me feel like I was finally coming home.

Joel's kiss deepened, his hands sliding up my back to tangle in my hair, pulling me closer until there wasn't an inch of space between us.

I felt the heat of his body, the way his muscles flexed as he held me, the way his breath caught when I tugged him.

When we finally pulled apart, I was breathless, my heart pounding in my chest. His forehead rested against mine, both of us struggling to catch our breath, to make sense of what had just happened.

My fingers curling into his shirt as I pulled him back to me, not wanting to let go, not wanting to fight this anymore. Neither of us was ready to say goodbye—not yet, not when the night was still young and the truth was finally out in the open.

The world outside disappeared, leaving only us in this moment, the only sound the rush of our breathing, the pounding of our hearts in sync.

He pulled away briefly, his forehead resting against mine, his breath shaky.

"I can't pretend anymore," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I never stopped wanting you, y/n. Not for a second."

My heart twisted in my chest, and I didn't care anymore about what we had to lose. "Neither did I," I whispered, before closing the space between us again, kissing him with everything I had left to give.

This time, there was no holding back. We were finally done running from the truth.

[last-herondale]

You Are Enough Pt. 6

Astarion x Fem!tav

Astarion POV

Fluff. Soft squishy lovely fluff.

Warnings: none?

AN: I needed this. I hope you can also take comfort as well.

Enjoy ��🏼

Part 5

I thought at some point I would grow accustomed to you. That I would at the very least stop being surprised by the words that flowed from your mouth, or entranced by the way you carried yourself wherever you went. It’s been months since we’ve met, weeks since you told me…

It’s still hard to believe.

I had an inkling, after the third or fourth night I fed from you. You were sitting there in the grass, recovering from my indulgences as the clouds began to dissipate from the night sky. I was preparing to return to camp, not wanting to linger in the dark, until you broke the silence.

“The stars are out.”

Your voice was so soft that I wondered if you had even meant to speak to me. I turned my head to the sky and saw the twinkling constellations emerging from the clouds.

“I can see the Lady of Mystery,” I mused, mostly to myself. Through the many volumes of my collection, a particular favorite of mine was that of the constellations. I glanced at you to see if you too would understand my reference.

While your eyes held no familiarity, you looked at me with innocent curiosity. I felt myself smile before I realized what I was doing. I moved closer to you, sitting beside you in the grass and tilted your head in the right direction.

You didn’t flinch at my touch. Your skin felt so warm, so soft. I watched as your eyes widened and reflected the stars above.

“Do you see that bright star there? That’s her head, then her body—“

“Then her feet!” You said happily, “She’s beautiful.”

I chuckled and nodded.

“I always found it rather comforting. No matter how many years pass—no matter how many things change, the stars will always stay the same. One constant thing,” I murmured.

In that moment I feared I said too much. Shown weakness in front of you. But you just smiled as me, as warm and as bright as you always did, and said, “Will you show me more?”

I couldn’t say no, even if I had wanted to.

“Well, if you look to the right, beside her is the Harp, then over here is the Dragon of Dawn…”

I spent the rest of the night showing you the stars and rattling on about the stories that came with them. You listened intently, like a child. Totally enthralled with every word that dripped from my mouth.

In the past, I would have felt bitter at my performance. Another soul enraptured with my presence. Someone for me to use and take to him.

But this time it didn’t feel like I was performing. Part of the real me seemed to have slipped out— and you were— enjoying it. How odd. Either I had drained so much blood from you that I had damaged your brain function, or maybe you actually— enjoyed my company. As much as I enjoyed yours.

Even now, with your intentions and feelings for me so clear and out in the open, even now I still wonder if it’s real. I pray that it’s real.

At night, when the camp is fast asleep I can feel you tracing your hands along the scars on my back. At first I was repulsed by them, saw them only as a reminder of who gave them to me. I thought you would too, but then your soft touch changed them forever.

“You seem awfully fascinated by them,” I remember saying the second night you traced them with your finger.

“I am,” you said softly in the darkness.

“Why?” I asked, my eyes looking in the dark. I wanted to face you, but the feel of your fingers on my back was amazing. You touched me as if I was a fragile thing, as if you were afraid your fingers would be my shattering.

“Because, they’re a part of you,” you murmured, “and I love every part of you.”

You said it as if you meant it. Without hesitation, without thought. As if loving me—loving all of me was as easy as breathing. It made me shiver.

“You’d be the first,” I whispered.

At that your fingers stopped tracing for a moment. I was worried I had made you uncomfortable until your arms wrapped around me and I felt your lips on my back. You pressed gentle kisses on my scars, keeping me tight in your embrace.

I had never felt so…warm.

And then just tonight…

A soft rain was falling in these shadowlands. It was strange for such a storm in this land, but the water was pure and a rare occurrence according to Jaheria. Halsin attributed it to our good deeds, more accurately— your good deeds.

I caught you just outside of the inn, near Damon’s smithing table in the barn. You were dancing in the rain with a few Tiefling children. You were drenched, and your skin was prickled up in the cool air. You were laughing.

You were radiant. For a moment I thought the sun had risen against the shadows. Everything I ever wanted seemed so close— just within reach.

I stayed a while and watched. The children eventually ran back inside, but you stayed out in the rain, lifting your head up to the sky.

Gods, she’s beautiful. And absolutely ridiculous.

I found myself stepping out into the rain, wanting nothing but to be closer to you. You must have noticed me coming, because you turned to me, your face lit up with a beautiful smile. You extended your hand to me.

“Dance with me?” You asked.

I took your hand and pulled you close, placing my hands on your waist.

“I’m afraid you’ll catch your death out here, darling,” I said, starting to move with her to her imaginary music. She smiled as we slowly moved together, carving our own path against the rain.

“It’s worth it,” you laughed as I twirled you.

She is beautiful. She is everything.

Rain clung to your hair and it kissed your face as it ran down your cheeks. I was caught up in the awe of you. The resplendent beauty of your eyes looking at me as if I was the only one in the world.

I would burn the world down for her.

I must have been lost in thought because we stopped moving. You looked at me curiously. A hand drifted to your chin and tilted your face up to mine.

“You are absolutely breathtaking,” I said softly.

And then you smiled at me like you always do. As if I was someone you have been waiting your life for. As if I was the light in the universe. It made me feel like I was invincible. It made me believe that I was someone worth loving.

I love her. More than anything. I would die for her.

Those thoughts settled deep into my soul. I couldn’t form my lips to say them. It felt impossible… I hated myself in that moment for my weakness. For all of the missed opportunities I kept creating.

“Hey,” you said softly as you cupped my cheek, bringing my attention back to the moment.

It was as if you sensed my self doubt. As if you knew me better than I knew myself. How strange a feeling.

“Come back to me,” you said gently, “focus on this. On us.”

You laid your head on my chest, and wrapped your arms around my neck. My hands returned to your waist and we just slowly turned and shuffled around in your rain soaked clothes. The scent of you was intoxicating, and I let myself drift off in the high of the moment.

One day I’ll be able to tell her— but for now, I suppose i will show her how much she means to me.

[sturniolostars]

﹫𝓢𝓤𝓒𝓚 𝓟𝓣 𝓣𝓦𝓞﹫

Masked!Matt x Kinky!Reader

In which: after you blow him he bends you over the couch and fucks you

TW: p in v, unprotected sex (don’t do it!), knife play, mask play, dirty talk, spanking, rough sex, hair pulling

First part of suck

I quickly undress myself, eager to be fucked by Matt. I scurried over to the couch and bend over the arm of it. The leather was cold against my skin and sent goose bumps through me. I felt Matt walk behind me and my pussy clenching around nothing just knowing he’s about to fuck me.

“Are you going to be a good girl?” He asks. I whine. Smack. “Words” he whispers. “I’ll be such a good girl please!” I beg. He chuckles and runs his length through my soaked folds to lube himself up. I felt the cold metal of the same blade he’s been holding slide up my ass. He pulls my hair back so I’m looking up and places the knife to my throat from behind.

I gasp, but it quickly turns into a loud moan as he plunges all the way into me. He thrusts hard and fast knocking all the air out of my lungs. I moan and claw at the couch. The knife grazing my throat every so often reminding me my life could end making this pleasure so much better.

“Fuck Matt!” I moan out. His thrust only speed up. “Such a tight little pussy” he groans. “I can feel you clenching” he whispers and a broken cry slips free from me. He pulls my hair some more making my mouth hang open and unholy sounds flood out from it.

I can feel my orgasm building up quickly. And I know Matt was already sensitive from the blowjob I gave him earlier and his thrusts were already getting sloppy. He was right there with me.

“Matt I’m gonna cum! Please let me cum!” I beg. “Not yet baby” he says. His tip was repeatedly hitting that spot inside me that made me see stars. A tear slips down my check rolling down to the cold metal that still threatens to slit my throat.

With a groan he finally says “cum for me baby let go”. I don’t need to be told twice. My eyes roll back and I squirt all over his cock. I think I might have passed out from that orgasm because when I come back to my senses the knife is gone and Matt must have gone to the bathroom because he’s cleaning me and him up.

“That was so good baby” he says to me throwing away the rag he got and kissing me. I hum. “Can you carry me? I’m tired and I don’t think I can walk” he smiles. “Of course baby” he pulls his mask off setting it down so I can see the ice blue eyes hiding behind the dark sockets of the skull.

Sex was a completion between us both at times and that’s how we liked it. And I was going to make him cum even harder once I could properly walk again.

And I just think I’ll use his own mask to do it

@kadesturnz part two how we feeling?

[seasaltandwisdom]

tips for tired hellenic polytheists

new or old

when first researching where to start, it’s very overwhelming with everything you need to do. autism and chronic illness were and still are a major hindrance to everything i do, worship included, not to mention i am still worshipping in secrecy. i was put off from worshipping for a year or so because of this. it doesn’t have to be so daunting, the gods aren’t here to judge how efficient you are in your worship.

starting with altars, you don’t need one, especially not a big elaborate one. they’re gorgeous and one day i aspire to have one, but that’s not ideal or even possible at the moment. if you plan on giving libations you can have a small cup or glass to hold the offering and sit it next to you or in any empty space until you’re ready to discard. same with food items, a small platter works. it doesn’t have to be a dedicated space, they understand your circumstances.

another thing i struggled with was knowing which god or gods to worship. you don’t have to wait for a god to call to you. pray to who you want and who makes you feel comfort and happiness to think about. the gods aren’t going to turn you away. you can start with more than one too. there’s no ‘beginner’ gods, just who you want to start with!

giving offerings doesn’t have to be so complex, especially if you’re worshipping in secret. a big one i do is offer a portion of my food to the gods while i wait for it to cool or find a video to watch. i tell them i’ll eat after and the first bites goes to them. they know if you have limitations, they know i can’t give them food and let it sit and afford to not eat it myself and that’s okay. i also buy a lot of trinkets from various places, if it reminds me of the gods they get to keep it and when i look at it i’ll whisper a small hello.

devotional acts are easiest for me, it’s things i’m already doing or should be doing. taking my meditation/listening to music in honor of apollo. cooking/spending time with family in honor of hestia. watching ocean related videos for poseidon. if it pertains to the gods, devote the act to them and it keeps me on top of things i need to do if i know i devoted it to the gods.

this may be my most controversial section, i don’t do khernips! if you do, more power to you of course. i just don’t have the means, and don’t see much reason for that to stop me from worshipping. i will wash my hands with soap and water before giving an offering, but for regular prayer of just saying hi or talking about my day with the gods, which i usually do in bed or while out and about, i don’t worry about it. they know im human, they aren’t going to shut me down or out for being such. this stopped me for awhile, i couldn’t make khernips so of course i couldn’t worship but truthfully the gods are understanding. even somedays when im too tired, depressed or sick to do anything, i used to feel bad for not being my cleanest while talking to the gods but if i can’t pray when im at such a low point, when can i?

the gods aren’t going to be disrespected or angry at you for praying or offering whilst you’re on your period. yes, i’ve seen that debated. just be clean on human standards, when you can, and they will understand. they’re old and wise, they’ve seen it all.

i’m just rambling at this point so i’ll wrap up soon! coming from christianity, it’s hard to not fear the gods, i get it and most others do too. religious trauma is hard to overstep, if it’s something you struggle with the gods won’t mind if you have to do a few things differently. good luck on your journey, whether new or just continuing. i hope my yapping helped with anything. your faith is personal to you, don’t let others push you away from it. be kind to each other and yourself.

as always, feel free to dm or send an ask if you feel inclined to! my word is just that, don’t take what i say as law and if you do things differently, that’s okay. i’d love to hear about that too!

[athousandbyeol]

keep up the thamepo [episode 8]

this episode easily became my favourite episode after episode 1. the flavours are beautifully mixed and I love how everything ties together into a wonderful and coherent dish.

i was fearful of the possibility of them dragging the jun-thame-po drama until the end of the episode, but I'm glad they resolved it at such a right pace and gave us more time to witness another step taken by thame and po—the progress of their relationship is beautiful and captivating. it makes me giddy and happy and shy and rooting for them even more.

i don't have much to say about the past few episodes because they're quite direct and easy to digest (in my opinion). however, I'm keen on talking about jun's side of the story and the physical intimacy between thame and po (finally!)

p.s. i do apologise for not writing this weekly thamepo post for episodes 6 and 7 for reasons I've stated previously. but without further ado, let's begin!

1. jun's unrequited love — his sacrifice for the friendship that means more than the world to him

for weeks, i've been asking myself, "what's up with jun?"

his actions confused me because the series!jun was doing things that were different from novel!jun. for context, I read some spoilers a few weeks ago, and I learned that in the novel, jun likes thame. the air hockey scene was when he was *kind of* confessing his feelings for thame, but not directly and openly. i don't know how novel!jun treats novel!po, therefore I can't really make a deduction if he's also falling for po. but in terms of the series!jun, I believe he did like po.

let's be serious. he wouldn't be here if he didn't have feelings for po. i don't think anyone can convince me (at this point) that he didn't like po romantically.

he knew thame was busy dealing with khun pemika at the company (and other stuff pertaining to MARS), so he took another step to be there for po when thame couldn't—he didn't want po to feel left out or abandoned.

it's so fascinating to me that at this point, jun believed that their feelings were one-sided; he knew po liked thame, but jun didn't believe that thame would feel the same. i think this has a lot to do with the fact that thame is more of show not tell kind of person.

jun was looking at thame and po—he was observing them. he was trying to put two and two together (and hoping that the answer wouldn't be four because if it did—he would have to back off). but the answer was indeed four and jun...

i think, at the back of jun's mind, he knew what was happening between thame and po—it was so obvious that they shared something mutual. but jun was battling his own devils. along the way, as his feelings grew for po, and all those moments spent with po—perhaps jun saw that he had a chance. he only had to be in this headspace where he believed thame didn't feel the same for po. thus, why jun was running away from thame—because jun knew, if he confronted thame (or vice versa), he would discover the truth. and I guess, he wasn't ready for that rejection.

jun was really attentive, and that wasn't a surprise. he was always watching and trying to access/understand the situation. i guess, aside from pepper, jun would be the next to see the bigger picture. he would be the one to take charge if thame and pepper couldn't.

he knew po's favourite snacks. he wanted to be there with po—for po. even though he's brash and rough, this was his way of showing that he cared—he loved.

(i think i've covered more extensively jun's character in this post for better understanding of where I'm coming from hehe)

so the confrontation began and jun said everything he wanted to say to thame.

in my opinion, jun believed that whatever thame were doing for po wasn't enough. i guess, jun put himself in po's shoes for a while here—it reminded him of how thame selflessly took all the burden of MARS and carried them on his shoulders alone. thame did those things for the sake of the group, and jun found that unbelievably selfish because they're in a group—he's supposed to be thame's best friend, someone he could trust and talk to—they should be in this together. but it was second nature for thame to take everything and leave nothing on the plate, probably because of his role as a leader.

i think jun was hoping that thame wouldn't do that alone. he didn't want thame to blame himself for everything that happened to MARS before they reunited. jun didn't like many decisions thame made, so this was why he decided to distance himself from MARS and led the other members astray from thame. it was his way of coping with problems and betrayal and disappointment: he would run because he wanted to avoid conflict—he didn't want to paint anyone as the bad guy.

so this was what he did: he avoided thame so that he didn't have to confess his own feelings for po, while he vaguely knew that po might not feel the same.

even though i know many of us (me included) were confused about jun and the reason behind his doings, this episode really cleared the air for me. he loved his friendship with thame more than anything—he loved thame a lot to put a stop to their years of friendship. people could say anything about him, but at the end of the day, jun genuinely cared about thame and po. and he chose them over his own feelings.

(i also love the back-and-forth tension between jun and thame as they confessed the things they'd been dying to say to each other. and each time they were right, the puck entered the goal. that was so effective to prove the intensity of their emotions from a literary standpoint I was actually vibrating in awe because they DID THAT so well ugh it was so delicious!!!)

but the thing that made me scream and lose my breath was thame asked jun "you like him, don't you?" and the puck entered jun's goal OH MY GOD THAT WAS PEAK CINEMA in my opinion!!!

and jun was transported back to those moments shared with po, that little time he spent with po—these feelings that were growing fonder by the second. they were fleeting, but still so beautiful. (if this isn't love then I guess... I'm blindsided by love. i don't know what love is anymore t_t)

and it broke me when jun answered, "it doesn't matter how I feel," because JUN, LOVE, YOUR FEELINGS MATTERED GOODNESS :'(

and when jun said to thame, "you don't even have feelings for him," THAME STOPPED THE PUCK FROM ENTERING HIS GOAL GOODNESS THAT WAS ANOTHER PEAK CINEMA MOMENT BECAUSE!!!!!!!

it wasn't true. he had feelings for po. he loved po. thame loved po so much.

i think, due to his inexperience, thame didn't know much about navigating his feelings for po. he didn't know what was enough and what was overdoing things. thame was always standing on this thin line between sanity and madness—he didn't know how to find the perfect balance. there was no doubt that thame liked po more intensely, but in jun's eyes (and I believe pepper too), thame wasn't doing enough. and po could be oblivious sometimes, so that was why jun saw this as a chance for him to make a move—to revolve with po. because love wasn't only about late-night texts and failed movie dates and long walks and heart-to-heart talks. love should be thame moving forward with po and not for po—love should be thame holding po's hand and facing the upcoming obstacle together—not just handling it alone.

jun just didn't want thame to repeat the same mistake he did with MARS. after he knew everything from po about thame's sacrifices (in episode 3), he was gutted that thame kept so much guilt and anger alone. he just wanted thame to prove (more to himself than anyone) that he was a man of his word—he would be there for MARS and po. he would love and protect them as promised.

jun and thame's friendship runs deeper than the sea and we can't pretend that we can't see the depth of their understanding and reliance on each other. these two individuals have so much love to give and receive, but the winner takes all—and in this game, thame won.

thame said that even though they'd been friends for a long time, neither of them had to back down if they really liked po. this also proved thame's selflessness and also his openness to accepting the what-ifs of po not picking him.

however, i believe, jun loves thame and this friendship more than his blossoming feelings for po—jun backed down for the sake of this friendship—for his love and respect for thame. //jun... I've wronged you in so many ways. I'm sorry that I doubted you. love, you deserve more than the entire world :'(//

jun said he didn't have feelings for po: this was his way of waving the white flag. i think jun believed it wasn't worth giving up years of friendship and watching it going down the drain just for a person—even though jun hoped it could transpire into something more meaningful if he never discovered about thame's truest feelings for po. but like I said, it was clear from the start that thame and po liked each other, and all jun wanted (and tried to avoid) was to believe he could be in thame's shoes if thame stayed in his spot—if he didn't get the clarification from thame about his feelings for po.

jun was obviously dejected and disheartened, but he masked it so well with that usual smugness. but at least, in my eyes, I knew jun genuinely liked po, and he cared about him in ways that thame was lacking before. but he believed po was better off with thame instead of him since their feelings were already equal.

and i have an inkling that thame—to an extent—knew that jun was lying. i think thame knew jun liked po too... and this was why episode 3!jun and episode 3!thame were so important to be understood because their friendship is so genuine and strong and nothing could ever break this bond except the both of them. thame was aware of the sacrifices jun did and vice versa. this wouldn't affect their friendship—this wouldn't make them crumble. they loved each other too much to let it happen (although they'll never say this aloud).

jun turned from a thame's potential competitor to thamepo's unofficial cupid. no one's doing it like jun. he's the OG definition of 'best friend' in my opinion: a pain in the ass, but would stand up for others no matter what.

and the way he was looking at po here... it felt like a goodbye to his feelings for po :( but I hope they'll continue being this bickering duo and frenemies because jun really helped po see his potential and po gave jun warmth and comfort like never before :(

also, shoutout to nut for being the perfect jun! you're an amazing actor! the emotional rollercoaster you strapped me into while watching your shenanigans and heart eyes for po gave me chest pains (tbvh). but friend, I love you. i hope you'll find happiness *coughs* dylan *coughs* ;)

it drives me insane that jun and po were finally meeting somewhere with a brighter setting and lighting—probably hinting that both of their feelings are no longer in the dark. no one was hiding from the truth anymore.

this was when jun got the last confirmation that po liked thame—and this was where po knew that thame liked him too. this ended on a bittersweet note for jun, but an epiphany for po. //my heart hurts for unknown reasons...//

2. physical intimacy — another step forward, a moment of clarity

sometimes, i think, thamepo took the slow burn too seriously because what do you mean in episode 8 we finally got them properly holding hands??? (but i love it so much T_T)

but the whole sequence of thame and po talking, trying to squeeze out the 'i like you' from each other but didn't get to because that felt too heavy on their shoulders for now. so they settled with conversations filled with metaphors and symbols and I'm always down for that ;)

i think this was the first time that they were this physically close. my heart was in my throat for the remaining 13 minutes because they were so shy and this moment felt so intimate and sensual and I shouldn't be prodding but I couldn't stop gawking at them finally being this close and all over each other (metaphorically) and I didn't know where they were heading—

and thame decided to watch the movie in po's room because, like jun said—

"why you should be there in a rush? seeing him today, I guess, at most, you'll just end up staring at each other. I'm telling you, during the first six months of dating him, even holding hands is an achievement. and it will take two whole years before you two get to kiss. as for going to his room, i'd say it'll definitely take up to five years."

the way i CACKLED because jun, friend, sorry to burst your bubble, but these knuckleheads FINALLY HELD HANDS!!!!!!!!!

i wondered if i was a victorian man seeing a woman's ankle for the first time because this scene got me squeaking and screeching and hollering and screaming and giggling and blushing and losing my marbles because yes!!! finally! they were one step closer (literally and physically)! thame was really proving jun wrong because this guy was done being vanilla xD

there's really this different charge in the air after thame and po reached a moment of clarity through jun. thame was visibly more confident, and po was more open to accepting thame's advances (even though he was still nervous. i think this still has a lot to do with the emotional trauma that po has after his break-up with earn).

thame did the korean male lead move here and expect me not to scream??? the audacity.

and when thame said he wanted to do so many things (to po and with po), but watching a movie in po's room would be enough for this new beginning—THAME YOU'RE INSANE!!!

and yes, thame was buying a bottle of water and lozenges for his throat to spend the night with po (and not what we had in mind... 👀)

we know what's coming next week. and that particular scene (the second picture)... if you know, you know... //readying myself to jump off the nearest rooftop//

are we even ready for thamepo dating era? //i'm not...//

[whoops-all-jennas]

Final Duet pt. 2 - c.s.

Cairo Sweet x fem!reader

"My thoughts will follow you into your dreams."

Summary: You give Cairo the violin part of the duet before spending time together at your house.

a/n: Inspired by Omori, if you haven't played it, do. The story is beautiful. There will be no spoilers in this so don't worry about that :)

Warning: Bullying, Homophobia, Death

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part. 4

I watch out the window of my final class period as the first snowflake of January falls to the cold earth. It has now been a couple months since I've started receiving violin lessons from you, and I've been improving quickly.

The bell rings, causing everyone to grab all their belongings to go watch the first snow fall. I grab my backpack, leaving after everyone else.

I walk down the empty hallway to the music room, finding you humming that ever familiar tune while leaning against the wall.

You turn your head to the sound of my footsteps. "Hey, Cairo."

You look at me with that patient smile that I will never get over. "I was thinking we could practice at my place, I want to enjoy the snow for a minute."

I nod, instinctively. "Yeah that's fine."

I've never been to Y/n's house, so I'm a little nervous.

"Oh! Before I forget." You start digging into your bag, bringing out a piece of paper.

You hold out a piece of sheet music. "It's the violin part in the duet I wrote. I think you've improved enough to learn it."

I grab the sheet music, staring at the notes on the page. "I- Thank you, Y/n."

I find your smile infectious. "Let's get to my place so you can start practicing it."

The snow gently falls as we walk down the street, your head facing the sky, admiring weather. "I've always loved the snow, brings a sort of liveliness to the dead winter."

I find myself admiring your joyous face, distracted by the snow. "It is nice."

You look down at the sidewalk, stepping over the cracks. "I was thinking maybe we could hold a recital. Nothing too big, but I think it could be fun and exciting."

I find myself silent for a moment, thinking about the idea.

"Did you want to perform your duet?" I ask, also watching my step.

You nod. "It would be nice to have a small audience to listen to what I've made."

We start approaching a small humble home that has a makeshift green house on the side. "Welcome to my house."

You start to follow the concrete path. "Let's put our stuff down, and I'll show you around."

We walk into the cozy yet silent house. I look around, unable to hide my smile when I see a picture of you as a child. "It's very homey."

You put your backpack up by the door.

"Thanks, I also really like it." You look out the window to the greenhouse. "Do you wanna see my garden?"

We open the door to the greenhouse, the warmth contrasting the cold winter air. You walk to a pot containing a rose bush. "This was one my first plants I started growing here."

You crouch down near to the flower, gently touching the petals. "I'm envious of roses. They're so universally loved, yet aren't afraid to stand up for themselves."

You glide your finger across one of the thorns, gently enough to feel how sharp it is, but not sharp enough to cut.

I watch you as you admire the roses, wishing you'd look at me the same way.

You stand, guiding me to the next flower. "This one is called Lily of the Valley, I'm a big fan of their bell shape."

I watch as your eyes become lost in the plant. "It's said that they're able to ward off evil spirits and help people see a brighter future."

Your eyes look into mine. "I guess in that way, they remind me of you."

I find myself taken aback by your sudden compliment.

You look down at the floor, avoiding eye contact. "If you want to consider those two people who tease me evil spirits."

You stand, walking to a white flower that is shaped like wings. Some of them are wilting. "These are white egret orchids. They're a bit difficult to take care of, but it just reminds me that life is fragile and I should cherish every moment."

You're silent for a moment, admiring your plants once again. "In the language of flowers, it symbolizes the phrase. My thoughts will follow you into your dreams."

I watch as you grab a watering can. "That's beautiful, Y/n."

You respond a patient smile. "Want me to show you how I take care of them?"

After some time passes, we find our way back inside your house. We ascend the staircase up to your room.

You open the door, revealing a room decorated with incandescent string lights and fake vines. "It's nothing crazy, a little stereotypical even."

I take a few steps past the doorway. "It's very, you."

There's a book on your bed labelled 'memories.'

"I thought I threw that out, my mom must've pulled it out of the trash can." You say while picking it up, mixed feelings on you face as you open past the cover to reveal multiple Polaroids of you and your previous friends.

A smile finds your face as you reminisce. You sit down on the bed, patting the space next to you.

I take a seat, looming over your shoulder as you point at one of the pictures. It contained you holding a plate of funnel cake while your friends held prizes from different attractions. "We all went to a carnival that was being held in town, I was clearly more interested in the treats over the games."

You move your finger to a different polaroid. "And here we had a picnic one night, we put fairy lights on the trees above us. It was a magical time."

You exhale a deep breath as you close the book, standing to put it back on your shelf. "That's enough reminiscing, I'll have to thank my mom for pulling that out of the trash."

We leave your bedroom, walking through the doorway. As we near the stairs, I nearly trip over a bit of a wooden tile sticking up a bit off the ground.

You grab my wrist, preventing me from falling "Be careful! My mom said she'd fix that months ago, but hasn't gotten around to it yet."

Blush mixed with your touch and embarrassment find my face.

You precariously step over the dangerous bump on the floor to descend the staircase.

We navigate to a different room downstairs that has a piano, music stands, and a violin on display.

You set up a couple of music stands and seats. "Ready to learn our song?"

I approach my seat, pausing at your words. "Our song?"

"Yeah, why not? I don't really want anyone else learning it. The song has gained a lot more meaning to me because of you." Your sheet music finds the music stand before your glance shifts to mine, a smile on your face. "I can't say I met anyone else who I barely knew who suddenly started learning a whole instrument for me."

You stand, picking up the violin on display. It's much nicer than the ones at the school. "Are you ready?"

A couple hours breeze by, the sound of strings fill the silent house as the sun starts to set beyond the window. The golden light highlighting your eyes.

You turn towards the window, staring at the falling snow. "What if we take a break for now? I kinda wanna do something out in the snow. If you're down for that."

I follow your gaze, watching the snow reflect the golden rays before standing. "Let's do it."

You stand, a smile stretching across your face as you hold your hand out.

I find a hint of blush on my face as I reach out, interlocking our fingers. Your hand holds mine with a gentle, comforting warmth. I hope you find the same comfort in mine.

We step out the door, the cold breeze finding it's way through my winter clothes. You release your hand from mine, the cold instantly replacing your warmth.

You bend over, grabbing a hunk of snow off the ground and forming a sphere. I watch you for a moment, admiring your smile. I bend over to do the same, following your motions as you start to roll it on the ground.

It's clear you have much more experience at this than I, as you manage to make a snowball up to around your hips. You roll your snowball by the doorway. "Do you need help putting yours on top?"

I nod as I roll it closer. We both bend down, lifting the snowball on top of the other. It ends up being to the height of my upper arm.

"I'll be right back!" You say excitedly, running inside.

The clouds above us are beginning to fade to shades of purples and pinks as the sun continues to set.

You run back outside, carrying a box of random winter clothes. I find myself smiling at your excitement. You grab a scarf out of the box, wrapping it around what is supposed to be the neck of the snowman.

"You gonna help?" You ask, smugly.

I come back to reality. "Yeah, sorry." I find myself rushing towards the box.

We both take a step back, admiring our creation.

You rush back to the box, grabbing a camera you managed to sneak outside.

I watch your figure, emanating with joy, as you practically tackle me as your wrap your arm around my shoulder, soon met the flash of a camera.

A picture prints out the bottom, the photo still needing time to develop.

You stare at the blank square for a moment, smiling while holding it out towards me. "I want you to have it."

I find myself staring the picture, trying to see if I can watch it develop as you begin to walk away for a moment, next moment I'm met with a snowball to the face.

"Y/n!" I shout, rubbing it off my face

You giggle as I gently place the picture in the box, reaching for the snow beneath me to challenge back.

"Ahh!" You cower your face behind your arms as I throw a snowball back. I don't give you a moment to recover, quickly making another.

As you begin to bend over, my snowball meets the top of your head, getting snow all over your hair. You drop your partially finished one, brushing my shattered snowball off your head.

By the time you're done, another snowball manages to meet your face.

"Okay! okay! I surrender!" You shout through your chattering teeth, raising your hands above your head with a smile.

I can't help but find your smile infectious. "I think that's our que to get back inside."

You cross your arms over your chest, shivering. "That's probably a good idea."

The sound of a fire crackling fills the lounge as we sit in front of a fireplace. You're motioning your hands towards the flames as I hold a warm mug of hot chocolate.

Your arms stop shivering as I release one of my hands from the mug, grabbing the picture you took earlier. You have a wide smile, looking at the lens with excited eyes, while my face is flushed red. The photo fuzzy but it adds to the character.

I find myself smiling at the photo, soon met with your head suddenly dropping onto my shoulder.

I freeze in place at the sudden contact, I look back at your head turned to see me from my shoulder.

"Is this okay?" You ask, staring at me longingly.

I nod, causing you to smile while turning your head to the fire. It doesn't take too long before your breathing slows as you fall asleep.

I take a moment to admire how cute you are while asleep before staring at the picture one more time.

a/n: poll is complete! I will bare minimum complete the Cairo one. If I still want to write another version with Tara I'll likely do that at some point, will probably be awhile though.

[gh0stly-mp3]

sing along! -> bllk hcs pt.1

bllk characters headcanons

synopsis: assigning a song to some of the bllk characters / recommending you a song that reminds me of some of the bllk characters

tags: blue lock headcanons, bllk songs, music hcs

warnings: mature language (in some songs), loud music

characters: first selection introduced + rin

a/n: hi! i hope you guys like this type of post, its something that i've been thinking nonstop and wanted to share (part 2 might be up tomorrow)!

masterlist.

Y. Isagi -> Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart

"There's some kind of burning inside me It's kept me from falling apart And I'm sure that you've seen what it's done to my heart But it's kept me from falling apart"

Meguru Bachira -> Love, Me Normally

"I was nothing before, so I couldn't have asked to be born I'll be nothing again, so what am I between now and then? Is there nothing to fear? 'Cause shit's getting weird"

*actually, for bachira, all will wood songs count

Hyoma Chigiri -> No Wind Resistance!

"I'll bet ya I can run faster with no wind resistance I'll fly under no conditions Teach myself complete submission While I grant myself complete permission"

Rensuke Kunigami -> I'm Still Standing

"Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid I'm still standing after all this time Picking up the pieces of my life, without you on my mind I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah"

Gin Gagamaru -> Dead Weight

"Got everything I need (haha, yeah) Clothes on my back The wind on my teeth What I control is in me"

Shoei Barou -> Make Way For The King

"Say I walk like a king (walk) Talk like a king (talk) You can ask around now say the same thing They chasing the fame They don't want the name But they ain't got what's running through these veins Make way for the king"

Seishiro Nagi -> Notion

"I'm sure there won't always be sunshine But there's this momentary beam of light You don't have to wait those salty decades To get through the gate, it's all in front of your face"

Reo Mikage -> I Cant Handle Change

"I can't help but repeat myself I know it's not your fault Still lately, I begin to shake For no reason at all"

Ikki Niko -> Blow My Brains Out

"Sometimes I wish I could lend you my ears Lend you my thoughts and lend you my tears Sometimes I wish I could take a new form Switch out some parts and become like the norm"

Rin Itoshi -> No Suprises

"A heart that's full up like a landfill A job that slowly kills you Bruises that won't heal You look so tired, unhappy"

[orthodoxchristianity]

Heartbreak: the art of letting go

This one is a bit personal for me, but I thought to share since I know many other people may be feeling the same way. Please read and share any advice or experience you may have, it would be greatly appreciated. God-bless!

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Psalm 34:18

Heartbreak. It isn't easy. It's even harder being stuck in between two thoughts. Firstly obsessing over what could have been, thinking should I have said this, or should I have said that. Why did I not do this or why did I not tell him that? It's hard to let go of the expectations in your mind or the plans you made that you wanted to share, all the little daily updates you sent waiting to hear back from him. But secondly, as a Christian, my understanding that God does what is best for us stays in my mind. The knowledge that God takes care of us even when we do not understand it. For He knows and sees far more than we will ever understand, and that is okay. Having trust in His timing and His plan for us is vital. I pray every day "God please remove anyone or anything that is not meant to be in my life", and then why do I get sad when God answers this prayer? Maybe I thought I knew him but clearly he was not meant to be in my life anymore, no matter how sad it may be now.

Taking it day by day is needed because in some moments I feel okay, but in other moments I remember how he looked and me and the lovely moments we shared. I know that one day I will look back on all the moments I shared with him and be at peace. I know that love is never wasted. But one thing is to know and another is to actually enact it. It seems to be like a separation between my head and my heart. My head acting rational and reminding myself to not let the enemy tell me lies, whereas my heart still holding onto the hope of what could have been.

I keep thinking why wasn't he the one Lord? Why couldn't he have been the one for me?

I know that it was done for a reason, that the Lord has bigger and better things in store for me. Perhaps this is simply a lesson. My time with him is brief in the grand scheme of life and of all the people and things I am yet to experience. But it is still hard to let go, even though I know it's the end, that's it.

Perhaps I wasn't ready or he wasn't, but either way it seems the timing was not right. As I pray every day, "All in God's timing".

I know that when the right person comes it will be in God's timing and it will be bring me peace, rather than anxiety. I understand that I probably am still holding onto him because of the inherent fear of being single. Seeing so many of my friends get into relationships easily and of course I am beyond happy for them but it is hard to not think oh when will the love of my life come? I guess this brings me back to the concept of patience and trusting in the Lord for His plans and timing is far better than mine. I feel like this society really pushes for moving and doing everything fast, whereas the Bible tells us:

"Love is patient, love is kind...Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV)

I harbour no anger or hatred towards him, for given the circumstances I can understand where he was coming from. I do, however, pray that he heals from anything that is holding him back. I pray for him to let go off anything from the past that is keeping him stuck emotionally. I pray he finds love and happiness.

I don't know if anyone else can relate to the feeling of 'intellectualising' my emotions. I try to solve them rather than feel. I have been trying to slow down and just let myself feel rather than simply keeping myself busy and giving myself no time to heal. I know there is a reason he came into my life, God is teaching me through this experience, so I need to slow down and feel my emotions.

If you are still reading thank you. I know heartbreak is a part of human life, it is something we all go through in various shapes or forms throughout our life. I hope this makes me stronger and I hope that you find peace and love and happiness. Whoever is reading, I hope you heal from any hurt and that the Lord blesses you abundantly in everything you do.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11, NKJV

[cantfightmoonlight]

"Most people would disagree," She pointed quietly out. Her shoulders lifted and fell into a small shrug as she curled her legs closer into her chest. There was a reason people vampires monsters after all. "Hm," She pressed her lips together. Her nose scrunched slightly as she quietly observed, "That's a really fucked up way to start a birthday speech."

"Jonah had literally said out loud that he had brought the bat wine opener for me to make up for the past two years and, even if you hadn't been there the year before or the year before that, I did vocally chose to not pick a living breathing bunny for some silly wine opener, so if that didn't show that it held some sentimentality, I don't know what would," She let out a soft sigh as she slowly pulled herself up to her feet. Opening the door of the confessional, she forced herself to hold her head high despite every bone in body wanting to shrink away. "I know it was just a game and that my reaction probably seemed over the top or uncalled for. But, I'm also a newly turned vampire whose starving on a daily basis, so the fact that I haven't lost my cool before now is actually fairly impressive and I did apologize to your sister, by the way. After the fact. Not that it erases anything. But, in terms of the past two years, well," She gave him another small shrug. "During the first White Elephant, I took a gift from Bexley just as Frankie did and was yelled at, taunted by nearly everyone in the room, and called Cruella. No one came to my defense and, when I did pick another gift, a silly Vampire garlic press that my cousin brought, some girl stole in laughed in my face telling me how it served me right. The second White Elephant, my best friend brought the same bat garlic press and made fun of the fact that I cried the year before, stabbed me and told me she had fucked my boyfriend before we had gotten together, and now, for a third year in a row, I've been called a monster and an entitled bitch. So, if the shoe fits, I guess I'll wear it. Though, for the record, I wasn't crying because of a game. I was crying because every Christmas, I relive the day I wanted to kill myself and Rangi just so happened to remind me that it was birthday."

Bri's voice was steady, almost casual. But, there was an emptiness to it, like she was reciting fact instead of feelings. She wasn't trying to make him feel bad or pity her. She wasn't looking for some sort of reaction. She just didn't have the energy or emotional investment anymore to sugarcoat it. Her deep brown eyes were dull. Her voice numb as she told him quietly, "I don't really have anymore fight in me and you didn't exactly say anything I haven't been told a hundred times over. So, here," She held out the singular birthday cupcake she had been cradling, but hadn't brought herself to try. "Have a cupcake. It's supposed to be a party."

The satan comment made Jacob's eyes roll. "You're not satan." A correction he made quickly and with certainty. He'd met plenty of devils in his life but didn't count Brielle among them. Even with their, recent, differences considered. "Yeah." An admittance he probably shouldn't have made so casually. It was just in his nature to be honest. "It did."

Tattooed hands drug down the stretch of the witch's face as he sighed. Never a natural at communicating, Jacob struggled to articulate what he wanted to say. A white flag felt most appropriate given the tension in the confession box. "I apologize for the name calling, and the f and the u comment. I don't know why you were upset that night, but I could've asked. I should've asked." It was no secret by now that his family was one of his buttons, so he didn't bother explaining himself. An apology also felt a little hollow coupled with excuses.

Jacob thought Lunar Cove, his home, the only safe haven left for supernaturals, would never survive if they couldn't at least tolerate one another. He could swallow his pride and extend an olive branch in the name of the greater good. Which he'd tried to articulate in his Eulogy and again, privately, to Bri. "I don't want to fight with you. We love some of the same people, and we all have much bigger problems to focus on than one another. So... you don't have to be in the Jacob Sullivan fan club.." He stifled a laugh at himself at how ridiculous such a thing sounded. "..but maybe we can agree about that?"

[hinamie]

playing around w slightly different hair renders

[brionysea]

I'm trying really hard not to just be The Complainer because that's an energy I don't want to bring here when I love (present tense; I rewatch it like 5 times a day) arcane season 1 so much but does anyone remember when powder was taken in by silco and being raised by this very utilitarian merciless 'the ends justify the means' type character made jinx turn out violent and merciless as well. and vi was horrified by her and the lanes were terrified of her and piltover was falling over itself trying to scapegoat her as the one bad apple of the undercity to kid themselves into believing that everyone else was perfectly fine with being treated as less than. and that contrasts vi after vander etc. died because she was raised by him and internalised the idea that no one wins in war and fighting back against systemic oppression isn't worth the damage it causes to your own community which is why she ended up working with cait and the council like vander worked with grayson. the people who raised them shaped them into who they are today but then in season 2 jinx has a daughter and she's suddenly completely normal and well adjusted and her attachment style isn't digging her nails in until she draws blood at all. like What. what happened. didn't things used to mean something

[ohitslen]

Guess who had a little too much fun with the pathetic reincarnation AU idea :))

To summarize! WW gets reincarnated in a very distant future where humanity is more settled down in the planet. He remembers everything and decides to keep living his life as normally as he is able to. That is until he meets his neighbor when he moved to a new apartment.

(More below the cut)⬇️

He was an absolute weirdo of a guy who looked just like Vash in so many ways yet was so different in many others at the same time.

He pretends that his system isn’t going haywire every time he is around the man, the one that resembles someone he cared for so deeply in a life that wasn’t his but remembers all too well. He decides to pretend he doesn’t know Vash because he really doesn’t, not this one at least.

Meanwhile, Vash is going through a very trippy existential crisis for seeing Wolfwood again after what felt like dozens of centuries. This could clearly not be him however because, well, he knows why. So he pretends not to know him because wouldn’t that be weird if he acted like he did?

They avoid each other like the plague, the beautiful and horrible emotions that swarmed on their insides too much to bear just by the presence of the other. They could slip at any moment so it was better to evade the neighbor.

The thing here is, that life has never gone how they want it since ever.

[princess-auklet]

Here I come with the debunk. I was hoping to be able to enjoy some time to myself after being through this load of shit (excuse the language) but no. Guess I have to disprove even more accusations. I’ll remind you, I don’t want to fight. I just want you to stop attacking us.

With the first image comparison, I don’t see how a single phrase is proof of anything at all. Although the names could seem like they’d be proof, the connection between a water based name, and me being a seawing is circumstantial at best. I admit Loty is similar to Lotus, but once more, that feels circumstantial. And that doesn’t cover the main thing. This isn’t some video game word puzzle. People don’t use fake names that could be easily traced to their real ones. The sign off isn’t much of a proof either. There’s only so many ways one can sign off with their name. As for the other thing with the specific fandoms. I don’t how to tell you this, but not everyone interested in WoF and Warriors are the same. I don’t know how anyone could look at that evidence and think of it as anymore than a coincidence.

Ok third set of images. You showed that a blog uses consistent capitalization for a phrase. But your comparison to my blog is… a tag. I don’t know if you noticed but my tags are almost always all lowercase, because I use autocomplete for that. The phrase “silly little guys in your head” is one that I took from seeing it already being used. And the use of the phrase “making a mockery”… using the same terminology to describe a similar idea isn’t too far fetched.

Once more, I don’t want this to go any further. Retract your accusations, and apologize. I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT.

Maybe I'm just being paranoid... But did anyone know Sandstorms-syscourse's system before they made their blog earlier this month?

[uncanny-tranny]

You know... it's okay to trust your body. If you are separated from your body to such an extent you feel you cannot trust it, I truly from the bottom of my heart empathize and feel grief for you, but you can trust your body.

It's okay to listen to your body and to heed what it is telling you. I wish you (and your body) well wherever you go. You deserve the peace of mind to feel able to do what you want.

[scribefindegil]

I mean this in the ace-est possible way but Dimple-in-Reigen's-body is really hot. sorry.

[rolex-kaard]

it's actually so stupid