#and then his music unlocks memories i didn't even know i had in my brain. unlocks memories i'm not even sure are my own

[eggmeralda]

damián antón ojeda my beloved

[bonefall]

First off, obviously this is a WC blog so I won't go further but THANKS for the brief dunk of The Lion Guard, that's one of my biggest problems with the show. Second off, are you seeing this shit Elder Bones?! * Points at the Thunder Spoiler Thread at WCRPForums * Do try to avoid reading the posts that aren't chapters though, they're bad as usual for that site lol.

Maybe one day I'll grumble about Lion King on the side blog lmao.

Anyway... that spoiler thread. I try to take these threads with a pinch of salt, but... overall feelings are really getting negative. If I had a Vibes Barometer, the needle would be dipping out of positive right now.

We're 2 books away from the conclusion and I don't know if they have time to turn this around... and they chose to spend time traveling. It's partially a travel book, guys. Several chapters of pointless bullshit.

(Spoilers under the cut-- remember we are getting this secondhand from a spoiler thread. Some of this may turn out to be misrepresentation.)

NIGHTHEART STUFF

We start off where the preview left off. They jerk the shit out of your chain with Squirrelstar teasing but spoiler we DO got her

(CELEBRATORY SQUIRRELSTAR MUSIC)

We get a BrambleSquirrel screaming match. Please for the love of god divorce these characters, this is fucking insufferable

They also had to give Bramblestar a smug little gotcha moment where he's right about his argument, Squilf accidentally walks to SkyClan camp for the plot and it turns out that Bramblestar, the guy who was apparently supposed to have memory issues and brain fog, was right that Squilf forgot how to navigate her own territory

Im dead serious she like... accidentally walked to SkyClan.

This is a clever literary trick called bad writing <3

While they're there, Nightheart says, "HEY WASNT THERE A MEDIATOR THINGY? ISNT HE SUPPOSED TO SOLVE DISPUTES?"

*I look directly into the camera. Right at you. Reader I am glimpsing across the magical threads of the internet, directly into your soul.*

Leafstar

says

"I Forgor"

if this thread is to be believed. Then the canonical explanation for why Tree was not mediating up to this point. Is because every single cat around the lake. Including the geniuses who came up with a unique role JUST for the specialest little boy. Just fucking forgot about him.

(bestselling young adult series)

Do I laugh? Do I cry?

I think im unlocking the emotion that those lizards who shoot blood from their eyes feel just before a squirt

Anyway

There is also an absurd amount of Bramblestar winking at Nightheart and teasing him about his new mate and reminding the audience about how much Nightheart wuvs him. This is probably supposed to be charming?

it just feels unsettling, ngl.

It's even more Bramble Worship than normal, like the writer is trying really hard to stress how cool and awesome their special boy is :D and how dumb and mean his wife is >:( and it's so fucking forced.

They pad the book by having it be cloudy so that StarClan doesn't show up the first time they try to do the Squirrelstar thing

I kept thinking, "What if this wasn't a willing abdication?? What if the Clan didn't have a second chance to do this?? What if this was Nightstar 2 all over again and she died of plot convenience before coming back?! This dumbfuck system has fixed NOTHING"

Plumstone and Dewnose have a moment where they antagonize Nightheart over the fact he was chosen to accompany Squilf and Bramble to the Moonpool, because he just got back and it's not fair

And you know what? They're right actually

Nightheart huffs that Squilf was giving him a Chance To Prove Himself but he doesn't fucking get it! His whole life's been nothing but chances he threw tantrums about being offered or blew up through wrecklessness, like a spoiled brat nepobaby, and he keeps getting more and more

Meanwhile Plumstone here has been in the background just being this consistently steady warrior, and has never gotten a chance to shine

He also has a moment where he whines about Sparkpelt and Finchlight being mean to him in the past when Sunbeam shares they've been super nice to her.

Sunbeam offers that they're probably trying to make up for it and he agrees.

Folks. I REALLY. REALLY HOPE. That this ends with Sunbeam telling him, "Nightheart, you are the problem. They've treated me like Kin, and they treat their Kin well. Do YOU?"

Anyway something happens and suddenly Nightheart's on the trip with Frostpaw.

The rest of his chapters so far (at time of writing the spoiler thread is at chapter 14-ish) are traveling chapters.

The traveling chapters suck diet discount dick. They look like they were rejected submissions for the various travel shenanigans that happened in Riverstar's Home.

For me, this is the most disappointing part of the Thunder Spoiler Thread. I love Nightheart because I really like the idea of him learning to grow, consider his actions, and realize that he's actually been very loved in his life.

I like the impulsive Nightheart from Book 1 who doesn't know what's wrong with himself, shooting down every attempt others make to bond with him, making shocking descisions that frustrate the entire Clan and not realizing how much he gets away with. I hoped that maybe, just maybe, the writing could be a little clever for once.

But, no. On this trip he's still whining to Frostpaw about how his family "wanted him to be like Firestar" and this is treated as something Frostpaw is able to bond with him about, somehow, because Curlfeather wanted her to be a Medcat??? And now she's choosing to be a Medcat again anyway????

FROSTPAW STUFF

WC Writing Team: "Everyone is super invested in Frostpaw's story where she learns to choose her own path! Especially the idea that she chose to not be a medcat of her own will and made a brave choice for herself! Lets fix that"

Literally, I guess lol

Smoky Cameo. Fuck Smoky. I hate this character and I hate seeing his deadbeat ass.

Gotta love how Daisy's one major role in ASC so far has been to be a source of negative emotions for Nightheart, but Smoky gets to be the new Barley with a cutesy barn rest stop.

He calls for a human to come get Frostpaw because she's got wounds.

Like. Cat MEOW MEOW calling. And this summons... a magic vet?

She has the world's fastest field surgery, as if she's some kind of endangered wild leopard and a top-notch vet staff rolled out of a research truck.

They even inject her, by hand, with tranquilizer. Who the fuck carries cat tranquilizer around?

Is this barn in the back of a fucking vet office???

Does this universe have roving surgical vans that drive around and play music like an ice cream truck, waiting for cats to call them over?????

Frostpaw wakes up back in the barn

But now her neck wound is fixed and she's spayed.

She looks down at the fresh cut on her abdomen and is like "what's this"

Smoky: "dont worry abt it"

If Frostpaw is okay with being sterilized, this will be the first time in the series that a cat being fixed will be seen as a good thing

Which, irl, it is. To be clear. Spay and neuter your animals

But dudes, this is really massively unsettling me. It seems like she doesn't know what has been done to her. This has never been treated as a positive thing in this series before. In the last book she was talking about the sort of life she would like to live

Once again she has been stripped of her own choices in a massive way

And if Smoky apparently lives so close to a vet that they just come when he calls,

I have so many questions im losing my marbles

Why is Smoky not neutered

Why were none of his 3, possibly 4 wives spayed

Why are his kids not fixed

Why were his kits with Floss taken "when they were too young to even open their eyes" back in TNP if their humans are so loving and educated

SO EDUCATED THEY WALK AROUND WITH CAT TRANQUILIZER

Anyway through the power of the writers not caring anymore, Frostpaw can now talk to StarClan whenever she wants.

They have magically bestowed a connection onto her.

This is apparently something they can just do now. Maybe it's tied to near-death experiences or the vet or something

Remember Shadowsight having a whole thing about this at the end of TBC?

Remember Mothwing and how upsetting it was to have no connection to them and how finding Willowpaw was a big thing in TNP?

Yeah apparently they could just do this whenever. Sorry.

Frostpaw is just cool with this because fuck the last book where she found out she likes being a warrior

Agency? What's THAT

It's not ok if your mom encourages you to be a doctor nun, but StarClan rips your organs out and forces you to be their mouthpiece and that's peachy-fucking-keen.

Then she goes traveling for several chapters i want to commit crime

Riverstar does the usual alarmist moaning, "ooooouuugh this newest crisis could destroy riverclan!!! Oooooooooooooouuououou it's for real this time!!!!"

Everything's gonna destroy the clans. A light breeze has just reduced ThunderClan to rubble. A beetle has landed gently upon Harestar's nose, 34 dead 25,430 injured

Girl help frostpaw is being followed by clickbait headline ghosts

And, also, for no good reason, the ghosts can't just answer a question. Why? Who fucking knows. Never explained. They can summon Frostpaw into a Ghost Zoom Call whenever they want now, but they're forbidden from revealing anything useful.

Average autistic experience with zoom calls though, can confirm, that is what every zoom call ive ever been in was like.

Im serious though, she tries to ask Reed who killed him, he just says no i cant :(

She tries to ask where her mom is. They don't tell her she's downstairs.

Riverstar says nothing useful

I have never been more frustrated with StarClan as a plot device. This is actually fucking insufferable.

They're annoying enough when they send vague signs and prophecies that amount to nothing, but now they can pop up like shitty unskippable cutscenes and STILL add nothing of value to the plot

Something I was ENJOYING was how much more grounded ASC was compared to previous arcs, and that StarClan was back to being difficult to access directly. Gone. Goodbye.

SUNBEAM STUFF

The highlight of the book everyone leave me alone i need to speak directly to sunbeam

I like how she's finding more reasons than just Nightheart to stay in ThunderClan, but is also struggling with the shift in culture

It's in a Sunbeam chapter that we FINALLY get Squilfstar. Everyone say Thank You Sunbeam

If you even LOOK at the Sunbeam wrong I will smash you to death with my hooves

For once it actually feels like we're using the cast in ThunderClan. Cherryfall, Dewnose, Plumstone, Myrtlebloom, Bayshine, Finchlight, Sparkpelt, and Lionblaze all get some significant little lines to add to this.

In particular I like Cherryfall throwing a bit of a fit about being a senior warrior and acting high and mighty, which Sunbeam immediately dislikes because ShadowClan doesn't do as much posturing. It's fun to see how she percieves ThunderClan cats.

I have a softness for these sorts of stories though, to be fair. The idea of moving to a new place and having to adjust.

It's also neat that she's growing frustrated with how Nightheart has now ditched her THRICE.

Girl please steal his family and dump him.

Be a legend. Marry his sister. It would make you the queen of pettiness you would become my favorite forever

Ivypool's exams are also pretty neat, they all test teamwork abilities. I'm going to be happy when I finally get to read them in full, if nothing else, these trials have been delightful to see.

Anyway the next emergency gathering comes up and it descends into an argument

Dovewing gets to yell at Ivypool and tell her to back off <3 "You're not going to manipulate my mate through me, screw you"

Tigerheartstar and the other leaders eventually agree to meet with the mediator off-screen because the writers don't feel like showing us Tree's madd skillz which definitely justify having this unique role that we completely forgot about until just now

It doesn't accomplish anything meaningful because they only acknowledged the mediator role to make the fans stop complaining

Tigerheartstar agrees to not station more warriors in RiverClan territory but nothing else. Waow.

aaand Berryheart's planning something and Sparrowtail, Sunbeam's father, accidentally spills the beans to his daughter. I like this because I have always imagined him as a himbo

so... yeah. It's not looking great. I'm not having a good time in this spoiler thread. I am hoping that a fair amount of it is misrepresentation, because if it's what the leaker says it is, I'm not going to be a happy camper

[flyingpochama948]

So my thoughts about SxSG?

Spoilers under cut

Mostly positive. Clearly, this was fan service with all the little call back to things, like talking about the fake Emerald from SA2 and how Big even notes that the same emerald color was his lucky charm in SA1. The core gameplay is fun...I just don't know how I feel about all of Shadow's upgrades. The first few are fine, but things like Doom Surf and Morph make the game feel awkward. I'm sure 80% of my deaths in the game are a result of Doom Morph shenanigans.

I oddly liked exploring Shadow's white space, which brought back memories to all the Gaia Gates in Sonic Unleashed. It's satisfying to find things. The stages are all gorgeous and dun to play. I think I'm most impressed by Kingdom Valley, how faithful it was to the original while adapting the new mechanics to it. Feels like a real definitive addition. And Rail Canyon, just, *chef's kiss* so nice to have Sonic Heroes satge rep that ISN'T Seaside Hill for once.

This is definitely the most fun I had with a main line Sonic game in a long time. However...I do have my gripes with it.

One is some of the remixes, or lack thereof. With the first generations and even Sonic Colors Ultimate, the original music got fantastic remixes. And here I feel is why I set my expectations high, too high it seems. Don't get me wrong, most are good. But Kingdom Valley doesn't sound much different from the orignial in Act 1. And Supporting Me...while it's mixed nicely, I'm disappointed by the lack of vocals, as I feel they are an important part of the song and why I find it so epic. But the most agregous offense was What I'm Made Of. They changed literally nothing. They tried to pass it off as a new mix as there are some minor differences from the original version, such as a more pronounced baseline, but they ripped it straight from a 2007 soundtrack. But you can't hear much of these differences during the boss battle because the song is nearly drowned out by the action.

Another gripe I have is Sonic Frontiers having a stage representation in Shadow's story despite him not being in that game. I looked into and I'm in agreement with the opinion of it was easier to just reuse assets from the most recent Sonic game than to try to craft a new stage from scrapped that would have been based on an ShTH stage. Yes, the game all about Shadow and Black Doom, it does not in fact have a ShTH stage, and I can't wrap my mind around that decision. I call that laziness. To their credit, they did put each stage song from that game as unlockable BGM, so I think they were aware of this fuck up. But really it wouldn't raise too much of an eyebrow at Chaos Island's inclusion of maybe they had Black Comet as the final stage unstead of... *sigh* Radical Highway yet again. Like I love Radical Highway but it's obvious SEGA is treating it like Shadow's version of Green Hill. I feel it would have been better if it was added as a bonus stage rather than the final.

It's also VERY STRANGE to me that they had a stage from Sonic Forces, but they didn't include a boss fight with Infinite like what?

Okay, I know it looks like my complaints outweigh my compliments but I swear it's unintentional. I just can write down my thoughts with my complaints versus what I love. Cause my love just goes DJFHFHEIIZKDKSKS in my brain lol.

[xoxo-mei]

What About Me? - An Eddie Munson x Reader Oneshot

For years, I've been asking myself the question: What about me?

Why can't he look at me in the way he looks at her? Why can't he feel his heart racing around me like it does around her?

You can guess, I never really got the answers to those questions. Mostly because I never said them out loud. I know that when I ask those questions and I hear the answers I expect to hear from him, my world would crumble.

My heart would shatter into a thousand pieces, too small to put back together again.

And I'm certain I'm not ready for that. I just need to pretend like he doesn't matter to me. But, it's harder than I expected.

Because no matter what, my mind returns to memories we made, my thoughts circle back to his smile and the only thing I see when I'm asleep is the twinkle in his eyes when he's playing his favorite Iron Maiden record.

''Earth to Y/N?'' I blinked and adjusted to the sight of Eddie waving his hand in front of my face. I felt my cheeks heat up, and I smiled apologetically.

''Sorry.''

He shook his head, a grin on his face, ''It doesn't matter. For a second I thought you were brain dead.''

My eyes squinted, a smile on my face that seemed more genuine than the one I previously showed him, ''That was your first assumption?''

''Well, yeah.''

A chuckle escaped from my lips. These are the moments I cherish. Just the two of us, together, making fun of the small things, him making me smile.

Eddie turned his head around to the sound of footsteps and when I saw the sheepish smile appear on his face I didn't need to look to know who it was.

''Chrissy, I was wondering when you were getting here?''

''I'm sorry,'' she apologized, still dressed in our high school's cheer uniform, ''my boyfriend didn't let me go, and then I couldn't find the way here-''

''I'm heading off.'' I interrupted her, the joy gone from my eyes. With one hand I swung my backpack over my shoulder and with the other I grabbed my music.

I wasn't going to sit around and watch this go down.

Eddie frowned at me, confused to why I was suddenly leaving. ''But we were going to hang out.''

''Maybe later,'' I smiled, but it didn't quite reach my eyes, ''I'll talk to you later.''

He nodded, but I didn't see it because I was already walking away, tears brimming in my eyes as I remembered the way his eyes twinkled when he saw her approaching.

He never had that with me.

-

The hour of witching - which is 3 AM, if nobody knew - was coming around the corner and I was still perched on my bed with assignment papers scattered all around me.

I had some debate things to settle, and then I had this paper on Napoleon and the battles he led. Followed by a boring lecture which I had to make notes on and mark everything I thought was important around 30 pages.

You thought you would get a break eventually, but our high school didn't know that we had a personal life. Alice Cooper was heard on my phono, his voice the only thing that was heard in my room.

So, when some knocking on my window arrived, I noticed. I frowned, placed the papers away and walked to the window, not noticing my current attire. Something within me was so certain no one was going to visit, that I was wearing only an AC/DC tour shirt with shorts, but you couldn't see them under the oversized shirt.

Imagine my surprise when I saw Eddie standing there with a plastic bag in his hand. From what I could see they were filled to the brim with my favorite snacks.

I reached out, unlocked the window and widened it enough for him to step through. I helped him out and quickly closed the window silently.

''What are you doing here,'' I asked, ''my parents are going to come home any second.''

''They aren't home?''

I sighed, ''It's date night. And when it's date night, they tend to stay up till the early hours. 'We can party like we used to even though we are old', they usually say.''

He chuckled and sat down on my bed, reaching out paper by paper to inspect what I was doing.

''Damn, I forgot how much we had to do.''

''It wouldn't be that much if you made it for a change.'' I retorted.

A grin came onto his face, ''Good to see you have your sense of humor, still.''

''Why wouldn't I?'' I crossed my arm and sat down on the windowsill, curious to why he was here.

He shrugged, grabbing a beer and opening it, ''I don't know. You left quite abruptly this afternoon.''

''You were with someone else.''

''I was also there with you, Y/N,'' he took a sip and looked at me intently, ''when are you going to tell me what is wrong?''

''You never said you wanted to know-''

''I made that obvious,'' he threw me a beer, ''sit down, take a sip and spill your guts. I'm asking now.''

I sighed.

This was bound to happen sooner or later.

I got the top of the beer off and took a long sip, feeling the bitter taste slide down my throat. Guess it's time for the truth.

My bed gave way when I sat down beside him. Here goes nothing.

''What do you think about Chrissy?''

Eddie stared at the ceiling of my bedroom as he racked his head about the question, ''I like her. Though, I do think she has an awful taste is men.''

''And, what about me?''

His head turned to me in confusion, clearly not realizing what I was getting at, ''What about you?''

He repeated the question as if it was going to make sense the second time. I just stayed quiet, letting him think.

Eddie took a deep breath and thought for a second, ''I-I don't know. Obviously I like you. Otherwise we wouldn't be friends.''

''But do you look at me the way you look at her?''

The confusion was still evident on his face, but as the minutes passed by, the realization dawned on him.

His lips parted, searching for the right words. Probably to reject me, if you ask me. But no matter what I thought, he didn't say them with his own words.

I was afraid I broke him, or something, like a faulty error on an out-dated server.

''Eddie?''

''Are you..,'' he cleared his throat, as if it was going to sound him less surprised, ''are you saying what I think you are saying?''

I turned my eyes away from him to the bag. My hands rummaged through the contents, and a smile appeared on my face when I saw my favorite movie in there.

I pulled it out and stared at it, before showing it at him with amusement in my eyes, ''Did you bring Top Gun?''

''Uhm,'' he was caught off-guard, I think by the subject change more than anything else, ''yeah. I remember you saying you liked it and couldn't watch it in the cinema with me, so I thought we could watch it... together.''

I couldn't help it. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it, my heart skipping a beat. Eddie didn't have to do anything and he would trigger the butterflies in my stomach, but when he did something kind or thoughtful, like this, it was twice as bad.

I stood up and placed it into the DVD player, my small little TV lighting up alive.

''Y/N,'' Eddie sighed, ''you're doing it again.''

I was busy trying to make the movie work, ''Busy doing what?''

''Changing the subject. Pretending as if nothing is going on and avoiding the matter that so clearly needs to be discussed.''

I froze.

I was doing that again.

A sigh escaped my lips as I lowered my hands, taking my time before I turned around, forcing myself to face it.

''You're right.''

''So, can we talk about it?''

''Yeah, sure,'' I crossed my arms and sat down at the end of the bed, waiting for him to talk, ''just say it, please.''

It seemed like an eternity before he dared to speak again.

''First of all, I need you to tell me what you haven't been saying for quite some while, because my head is reeling with possibilities. It needs to be less vague-''

He didn't need to say more as I interrupted him with the inevitable truth, ''I love you.''

He froze. His eyes searched for mine, but I didn't dare to look him in the eyes. Not now. Not when I don't know whether he accepts it or not. Not when I don't know how he feels.

''You love me?''

He questioned, repeating what I said once more. I sighed and nodded, still not looking him in the eyes. This was painfully awkward.

''That's what you weren't saying?''

Didn't he understand the matter that was being discussed right now?! Why does he have to make it so difficult?!

I was panicking on the inside, my mind running back and forth between assumptions of what he was thinking or wanting to say.

A smile appeared on his face, ''I was waiting for you to admit it.''

I was about to jump in the defense as to why he has to forget this ever had taken place, but then the realization hit me. He didn't reject me. The opposite, actually.

My eyes finally met his and I saw the cheerful face that I fell in love with. It's like the day he got tickets to see Alice Cooper live.

''You aren't... You aren't rejecting me?''

''No, not really. Did you think I was?''

I shrugged, feeling my heart fill with warmth, ''I was assuming you were, yeah.''

''God,'' he laughed, his head falling back before he looked me in the face again, ''this is what was wrong?''

''Uh,'' I didn't understand why he was being so, so... normal, ''yeah...''

He grabbed my hands and scooted closer to me, neither of us caring about the papers, ''You don't know how long I was waiting for you to finally say that. I was about to give up on it, matter of fact.''

''So, you feel the same?''

''God, didn't you ever notice,'' I shook my head in reply, ''I give you notes every day, I'm right outside your classroom whenever I am closeby, I always sit next to you during our annual Dungeons and Dragons meetings. Should I go on?''

''I can't believe it.'' My mind was reeling.

But the joy I was feeling could never be replaced.

We sat there, staring at each other when I heard a car on the driveway. ''Shit, my parents are home.'' We started panicking as we cleaned up the groceries and such. I leant down to gather the fallen papers and he removed the DVD, before stuffing it back in the paperbag.

The front door opened.

''You need to go out of the window.''

''How romantic of you, Y/N.'' I rolled my eyes at him and just ushered him to the window. I opened it back open and watched my parents enter before I let Eddie step outside. I was expecting him to go and I was about to close the window when his hand on mine stopped me dead in my tracks.

My face turned to him and I was surprised to feel his soft lips on mine. He was kissing me.

I have my first kiss with Eddie Munson.

I returned the kiss, but he pulled away already. With a grin on his face, he spoke up in whispers, ''We'll continue this soon, and, Y/N?''

I hummed in response, wanting him to hurry up before my dad catches him.

''The next time it'll be a date.''

My heart fluttered as I stared at his leaving figure.

I only looked away when he was out of sight, out of my neighborhood. I closed the window and jumped when the door to my room opened.

''Are you still awake, honey?''

''Yeah, just finishing some homework. I'll go to bed in a minute.''

''Okay, good,'' my mother smiled at me, my father behind her with a caring hand on her shoulder smiling at me, ''then we'll leave you to it. Don't stay up too late.''

I smiled at her, ''I won't.''

The door closed again and I let out a sigh of relief. That was a close one. But then his final words came back to me.

''The next time it'll be a date.''

I went to bed just five minutes after, reliving the kiss we had every night and excitement for our official first date.

-

-

-

Words: 2,1K

[tfblovesmusic]

How Ian Bostridge Unlocked my American Elementary School Memories

I have been swooning over Ian Bostridge's voice since middle school.

From watching the David Alden film of Franz Schubert's Winterreise on Ovation TV to borrowing a CD of Johann Sebastian Bach choral works with the Choir of King's College Cambridge and the Academy of Ancient Music under the late Sir Stephen Cleobury (His rendition of "Deposuit Potentes" in BWV 243 was FIRE!) a couple of times from the local library while I was living in the USA, the three-time GRAMMY winner's voice never has since failed to amaze me.

But it hasn't been his timbre that has made him my favorite classical music tenor of all time.

In April 2024, Ginong Bostridge stopped a performance of Benjamin Britten's Les Illuminations at the Brum Symphony Hall for a glaring reason - young people were taping or photographing him on their phones. He interceded out loud, "The lights are shining directly in my eyes – it’s very distracting. Would you please put your phones down?"

He wasn't aware of the City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra's then-new policy that started enabling audiences to film in a maximum of a minute or photograph classical music concerts, in a vain bid to attract more young audiences.

But it came with reservations. The rules stated, "We ask that you are mindful of disturbing artists and other audience members and suggest that you take pictures and videos during applause breaks. Please dim the brightness on your phone, and do not use your flash."

Ginong Bostridge - oblivious of the new rules during his performance - wasn't having any of that.

This video STRAIGHT-UP metaphorizes Bostridge responding to an errant phone light or ringtone at a concert.

"You're looking at the audience and it's very interrupting and distracting to have phones being held up," he told BBC Radio 4, "It breaks the spell. I didn't know about this policy and I wasn't making a protest of any sort to begin with, I simply couldn't carry on because I couldn't concentrate."

"Performances are a dialogue with the audience," baritone Christopher Maltman (who collaborated with Bostridge several times) commented to a Classic FM post on IG, We as performers rely on the audience’s attention and concentration. We are flesh and blood artists who are not unaffected by how audience members behave."

"We can see and hear you as you can see and hear us, and are distracted by movements in the audience and the glint of light reflected off phones, faces and arms as they are held up, whether they are dimmed or not. Fundamentally, we spend thousands and thousands of hours during our professional lives to hone our skills to be able to accomplish feats of dexterity, memory, concentration and artistic expression which are at or near the limit of human ability."

"We need the audience to be with us on that musical journey and even if the physical act of filming or taking photographs isn’t distracting to the point that it is at the detriment of our own focus, it’s is at the bare minimum a moment of departure for those who film from the covenant of live performance which is the beating heart of what we do."

"No photo, no video, and no recording can ever even remotely reproduce the magic of live performance and any marginal fringe benefit in terms of social media likes is nothing compared with the damage that is done by saying that it is fine to switch your brain off and switch your phone on in the concert hall or opera house. I personally have had to stop in my recitals more than once to request people view me with their eyes and listen with their ears rather than watch me second hand on a screen."

Sir Simon Rattle would also be most disappointed with the phone policies. Back in BBC Prom 55 with the Berlin Philharmonic in 2003, he stopped a performance of Igor Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring because someone's Nokia blasted an abridged, chiptuned version of Francisco Tárrega's Gran Vals during the bassoon solo. The reviewer of MusicWeb Int'l heard a fellow audience member seated in front of him call the offending other the w-word.

Funnily enough, Ginong Bostridge unlocked many core memories of watching orchestras perform live - during the Garden State Ballet's productions of The Nutcracker and Cinderella and numerous field trips with my elementary and private schools.

The most memorable elementary school orchestra-centered field trip was in 2001. And it WASN'T ANY JUST ANY ORCHESTRA.

IT WAS THE FLORIDA ORCHESTRA.

I would be entranced by Lanky Kong's Trombone Tremor when I would play Donkey Kong 64. I would watch The Lawrence Welk Show on WEDU each Saturday night. Throw in mornings with Classic Arts Showcase on my public access TV channel; several documentaries (Howard Goodall's notwithstanding) and performances I would see on Ovation TV; and previous experiences seeing orchestras live, and I was WELL-PREPPED.

Our 5th grade teacher told us what to expect AND how to dress for the concert - no jeans, T-shirts, or shorts. I wore the closest thing to jeans but much dressier - a denim midi dress. And we were too young to have cell phones back then!

The finest moment of the FL Orchestra's performance I and my 5th grade class attended was their opening orchestral excerpt, the overture to Leonard Bernstein's Candide. As Asher pointed out, I wished I would've taped it. But with us too young to have phones, with phones then lacking video capabilities, AND with us knowing concert etiquette from the back of our hands, taping it would've been all but so inconsiderate.

I would've gotten into trouble at school if I had done that.

"(The CBSO's phone policy) ignores the fact that allowing the use of phones during musical or theatrical performances is bad for everyone," Alexandra WIlson griped in The Critic.

To Ginong Bostridge: here's our power anthem! LET'S DO A DUET ON THIS!

"It’s bad for the performer, who is distracted by a sea of bright lights, or by the blaring of ring tones, and struggles to get into the zone or into character. A live classical concert, what’s more, is not a recording session, and comes with an element of risk for the musician involved. The singer lays bare his or her soul, and in doing so relies upon a certain amount of implied contractual trust — the understanding that people aren’t going to stick that fluffed top note on YouTube."

"Phone use is also bad for other audience members, for whom this concert or play may be a long-saved-up-for treat, and who should have a reasonable expectation to be able to concentrate."

"You certainly don’t have to be a finishing-school graduate to be irked by a thoughtless neighbor who gives a damn about no-one but themselves."

"All live music is precious and fragile," Maltman summarized, "Switch your phones off and allow your mind to engage with the beauty of it. Please."

To conclude this post, lemme show y'all the March 1995 Beeb broadcast of various Henry Purcell choral works and songs! JUST scroll to 49:25 and press play - 30-year-old Ginong Bostridge in a FLUTIN' TRIO WITH DAME EMMA KIRKBY AND MICHAEL CHANCE is SO FIRE! Cell phones with touchscreens and built-in cameras had YET to stymie that magical moment back when it was broadcasted!

[fandomdaydreamer]

The Lighthouse and The Ocean

Pt 22 - Goodnight Angel

Pairing: Pedro Pascal/OFC

Warnings: angst, mentions of poverty, pregnancy scares, phone sex (we have two different phone calls here, hello), dirrrty talk, cam show, f/m masturbation. ARREST ME FOR THIS FILTH happy Kinktober!

Summary: Nini knows something had changed her life, like she was now living it instead of waiting for it. Though more change could come with Pedro's reaction to the pregnancy test.

Notes: Also find this fic on Ao3 -here- or the series' Masterlist and Playlist -here-

Lots of music here. If you would like to imagine what Nini's rock song could sound like, I suggest you listen to 'My Poor Brain' by The Foofighters. Furthermore, the striptease soundtracks are in the playlists.

Length: 8.6k

~

Goodnight Angel

In my eyes, Pedro and I were happy and in love. At least... as long as the next couple of minutes wouldn't arise any unforeseen conflict and blow our future to smithereens. Multiple horror scenarios ghosted around my head and I simply ceased to allow myself to let them unfurl any longer once I understood I had lost every ounce of control over the result anyway.

It was almost three o'clock when I finished my nighttime routine but I never stopped stalling, brooding and panicking. Technically... It was morning. I started to feel the urge to pee and very soon but I was too scared to face this pregnancy test alone and too scared to call Pedro. I briefly considered calling Tom but immediately realised I'd rather have the potential father freak out with me.

Seemed like I had a habit of speaking to his portrait when Pedro wasn't here to dodge my anger. "You and your dick did this to me!" I scolded our picture and ended up betraying myself as a quivering smile threatened my lips. Was this funny to me? My whole life could be turned upside down.

Dropping onto the covers, I unlocked my phone and texted Pedro with my head in my hand, checking if he was even awake. A ping alerted an incoming message, barely a minute later.

2:53 - Hey, still up? Wyd?

"On a mission with Shrek and Donkey." I texted a dry comeback he regarded with a laughing emoji.

2:54 - Can't sleep?

"Miss my hubby"

2:54 - Call me

"Hey, songbird." Pedro picked up on the first ring and no matter in how much stress I was, knowing he was there always remedied most of it. "Hello, angel, how are you? I hope I didn't wake you."

"No, you didn't." He treated me to a pitiful sigh. "Because sleeping without you is weird. But I'm better now I hear your voice." He complained, sounding tired and resistant to my cooes at his wanton reply. Maybe he had thought I wouldn't call anymore and I felt ever so sorry about keeping him waiting.

"I miss you too." I suppressed a sniffle and hid behind my hand to conceal my anxiety, even though he couldn't see me. I would have liked to hold him near as November retaliated but for the next couple of weeks, this would have to do. "I'm sorry I couldn't call earlier, I was getting to know the band and settling into this ranch with them."

"That's alright, I was hoping you were enjoying yourself You have to tell me everything!" I could hear the excitement in his voice despite this early hour.

The memory of everything that happened today sparked up a flood of short-lived passion. "Jack's invited me to go on stage with him tomorrow!" I pressed through the phone and giggled at Pedro's response cheer. "We talked music for hours and hours today. He is so great..." I lost some of my enthusiasm the more I thought about how exciting all of this was and how much I wanted it to continue. "The band is great, they're all so cool. Everything's been... great."

"Great?" Pedro asked sceptically at my flavourless description, spying through an underlying tremble I didn't hide well enough. "How are you, really?" He inquired.

I put on a brave act. "Cold but at least I've got your jumper." I joked on a lighter note, cradling the warm laugh he let out to my ear.

"Yeah, I noticed after you were gone. Now, what am I gonna do without that one 'and' the sweater I sneaked into your suitcase? I'm defenceless against the cold now." He teased me and I promptly clutched at his second, warm white sweater he miraculously managed to keep stain-free and hummed at the comforting softness of it underneath my cheek.

"Have you noticed I also left stuff for you?" I grinned at his bashful reaction. I had purposefully put my soap and honey lip balm on his bathroom counter before I went, never mind the pineapple.

There was a sound of him smacking his lips as an answer that he was already wearing it. "By the way, I went online to check you out because I missed you and I dead-ass thought 'wow, I have a huge crush on this woman' and then I remembered that we're a couple and I was like 'aw fuck yeah!" He managed to make me laugh properly this time. "But... there's a scandal already," Pedro mentioned and his delight practically sounded a song.

I didn't have to guess. "About the hickey." What lay underneath the piece of clothing that famously belonged to him couldn't have gone unnoticed. I flopped back onto the duvet and pouted as my cold fingertips traced the stain of bruising kisses he had inflicted on my skin.

Most would say to never listen to your critics but it was like watching yourself and the one you loved through different pairs of eyes once you came out to the public. Out of habit, I couldn't help but worry about some of the nastier comments.

Pedro on the other hand, seemed less than even a little bit self-conscious. In fact, he was having way too much fun with this. "Hey, I'm proud of my work! But... apparently, you have rug burns on your knees too."

I gasped, partly scandalised and thrilled at a fascinating lie that made me feel like I was looking at a car crash by the side of the road. And that accident was me. "They're not rug b-" I swallowed my outraged protest, pulling up my knees and rubbing at the still pink and irritated spots. "I got them from climbing hotel walls!"

"An adventure which we aren't gonna tell a soul about. So... no comment." Pedro insisted before letting out an adorable evil laugh.

I tutted at him, curious at how fast he'd made my mood turn so much lighter. "Well then. I'm not ashamed to let the world take one wild guess about who's fucking me." I proclaimed, stubbornly.

"Is that so?" Pedro's voice had dropped several octaves. "One day apart and we're already halfway into phone sex."

My eyes drifted away. The fear of disappointing him tasted bitter. I would have gladly given in but there were other things on my mind tonight, more urgent things. "I promise I'll try to behave... at least until next month." I dodged him but the suggestion made me smile anyway.

"I know, baby. This is torture for me." We sighed together before Pedro continued to ramble sweet nonsense. "But wait until you're filling music halls and your groupie, that's me, is gonna be there, in the first row telling people 'that's my wife up there!" He still used our inside joke, our non-married, married status and possible future together to pull a laugh from me.

I willed away the tears threatening my water line. My voice sounded thick when I finally managed to answer. "You're too adorable, Pedro." I cleared my throat, braving myself with an alluring voice and a grain of humour. "Why don't you just come here and kiss me?" "Soon, mi amor. Soon." He promised.

I got up, spying on the pregnancy test that taunted me while it sat in the pale light of the bathroom counter. I really had to pee and this also meant the time for a moment of truth had come.

"And what have you been up to?" I asked innocently as I walked over, pinching my phone between chin and shoulder as I turned the test and flew through the instructions.

"I made a new friend too." He answered in a playful, happy tone.

"Oh?" I hummed intrigued, knowing he was still fully busy shooting with the same crew until the end of November.

"Did you know Starlings are so fucking very scary and interesting birds?" Pedro cleared up. "They whistle along with your song and they're nice when they sing but then it's like a static kind of electronic radio voice is talking to you. They taught the bird to say a line of yours. 'So long, cowboy." Pedro tried to imitate it and I replied with half-assed sounds of attention. "She was quite beautiful and had freckles too." He added, a smile evident in his voice.

I breathed out an amused huff at his good-humoured description but I was still hung up on the package instructions and what two little marks would mean.

"Baby, are you okay?" He asked after I had stayed silent for too long.

"Yeah, of course." I mustered all my courage, spinning the stripped pregnancy test between my fingers. One moment I was fearing a sign of life, the next I began thinking about what could be. A tiny baby to dote on, something Pedro and I would have made. "I uh... I just... I wanted to tell you something." I didn't know how to put my feelings into words as so many of them spilt over.

"Tell me what?" Pedro urged, sounding worried too now.

I gathered my breath, just to chicken out last second. I wanted to tell him everything at once, how much I loved him, how much I valued him, how scared I was and how impossible this seemed to pass through the phone.

My voice thinned out as I became close to tearing up. "I need you to know how much I admire you and everything you've done." I didn't know why I said it but I suddenly realised these thoughts had been preoccupying me all day, waiting to vent.

"Sweetheart... I- thank you? Where is this coming from?" Pedro spoke gently through the phone. "Please, don't cry."

"Sorry, I'm a bit emotional." "That's okay, why don't you tell me what's this all about, hm? I can listen."

I took a deep breath. "I know, I know, angel." I laughed and wiped away a single escaped tear. I gathered myself and used some toilet paper as tissues, deciding to lead with something else that bothered me instead of the pregnancy that could be. "It's because they were a bit cautious about my intentions here at Third Man... at first. I know I got here because of networking and Jack didn't say it but it was clear he wanted to see if I'm serious about making music or if I'm just dabbling." I knew I was being unjust and this wasn't at all what Jack was like but my own insecurities and experience remained. "Most people complimenting me on my accomplishments start with 'actually you're pretty smart, nice and talented for someone with a face and body like that. That's what they're really saying subconsciously."

"I'm so sorry. I know this isn't the first time you've been underestimated." Pedro gave me nothing but sympathy, as always.

He let me sniffle on for a while, patiently whispering encouragement into my ear while possibly everything became too much. "No, I get where they're coming from," I said anyway. "I got my spot in the club of Hollywood because I have rich grandparents who could support my career."

"Nini-" he tried to interrupt me, almost angrily but I didn't let him.

"Which is why I realised something important today... about prejudice and privilege. I met this super nice but very poor person today. They play the cello-" I told Pedro about the person who was already my favourite band member. "Olivia flew them in literally this morning and... I realised I'm so out of touch with reality about artists being out there, struggling to even pay for their next dinner." I rambled through tears. "I don't think I could admire you more, Pedro. I know how hard it's been for you sometimes before you got where you are today. You're the best human being I've met in my entire life and you deserve... everything. You did all of this by yourself and I can't even grasp how much this means because I can't relate. I haven't struggled a single day of my life."

Pedro took several beats to digest my fast string of words, but when he did, he sounded so soft. "It means a lot to me that you're saying this but-" He promised, taking another pause before he spoke next, his voice had thickened as well. "I owe so much to kind people and pure luck." "And hard work."

"And hard work, okay." He parroted with an amused exhale. "Honey, you've struggled differently. You know that." He spoke gently and I imagined a look on his face I knew would unfurl my world all over again.

"It's not the same." I toughed through with a dismissing smile but Pedro wouldn't hear it.

"And you 'do' deserve everything- and more. You say you owe your place because of existing money? You earned it through talent, not through nepotism, not through what you think is cheating by being rich. I know about privilege too, you know. Talking about... ethnically ambiguous male privilege." Pedro laughed into the phone, loosening a bit of my tension as well. "I'm sure you stood your ground and showed them how unique you are today and you'll surprise the world again, you'll see. I'm so fucking proud of you, baby."

Slowly, my sense of guilt subsided and I no longer felt a sense of mourning for the life we froze. He gave me hope. "God, I miss you. I feel like I'm going through a lot." I gulped heavily and sighed at the pregnancy test, concluding that the next part was rather self-explanatory. Finally, I couldn't hold it any longer, pulled my shorts down and sat on the toilet.

"Something else you wanna tell me?" Pedro gently tried to coax out of me.

"Not yet." I confused him and after a while of silence over the phone, I summoned my courage. "Actually, yes there is. I'm peeing." I began and heard a snort on the other end.

"Alright," Pedro replied in an amused tone, muffled around a bite of something to eat.

"Promise me not to get mad about what I'm going to tell you? I guess I'm making progress since I am telling you what I'm about to tell you." I rambled nervously, still checking if I was doing this right.

"It's okay." He obviously continued eating, unfazed. "What's this about, you're making me nervous." Pedro stopped chewing on his food.

"Nothing. I- first... swallow." I told him and provoked a sputter on his end. "Hey, that's my line." That cheeky bastard gave back and I barked out a laugh before falling silent again.

"I'm taking a pregnancy test." I finally admitted and scrambled for words after a silence that felt like infinity. "I mean... I'm- I'm doing it right now. Just because I didn't get my period doesn't mean... so maybe it's stupid but... I just needed you to be here with me-"

More silence.

"Pedro?"

"Yes, I- I'm here. I think- fuck, I think my heart just stopped." He stuttered, breathlessly, gathering his ability to comprehend. "Are you okay? Holy shit, really?" He almost yelled. "How did you not lead with this? Are you sure?"

"I'm- no! Why do you think I have to take a test?" I snapped back and bit my tongue afterwards. I lowered my tone as I washed my hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just... a little on edge."

"Nini," Pedro simply cooed, hoping for any sign of clarification from me.

We didn't say anything for a while as I sat on icky naked tiles on the floor with my knees tucked up beneath my chin and the test face down next to me. "Three minutes and we'll know."

"Oh fuck." Pedro cursed, letting out a huge exhale on the other side while I talked him through it.

"I forgot to take contraceptives during my little breakdown... and our holiday. I thought we were safe. Oh god-" I sniffled pathetically, regretting my breakdown even though I knew nothing could have reversed it. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't, please. This would be- " "-bad timing." "-wonderful."

"What?" We asked at the same time. There was no way he'd say that so easily, no way I'd just contradicted him so bluntly.

"I said... I think it would be... wonderful?" Pedro hesitated to repeat himself.

While I sat here, staring at the wall with my mouth open, I tried to digest if Pedro had really meant it. Oh, how much of a disappointment would it be now, if the test was negative? "Then, what if it's nothing?" My voice strangled my throat when I realised it could be worse. If I was indeed pregnant and didn't want it. "What if I can't do this?" My nose clogged up the more I tried not to cry.

"Honey, then nothing will have changed. I'm glad you told me and... if you are... pregnant, I would support you with every decision you'd make." He tried to find the right words but he was saying the most compassionate thing he could have said in my situation while he sounded like his heart was breaking at the thought. "Did you know there'd be no Fleetwood Mac if Stevie Nicks hadn't gotten an abortion? I'd understand if obviously... you're taking a big leap in your career right now."

I tried to stop the tremble in my bottom lip. "Your halo must weigh rather heavy, doesn't it?" I felt my eyes burn, just when I heard him sniff out a laugh.

Pedro willed himself to cheer me up and I grinned, glad about having such a feminist boyfriend who would support my choice. "It's the bare minimum." He disagreed.

"And I'm just sitting here, bawling my eyes out because I'd want both." My own laughter died all of a sudden when I realised what I'd said. "Uh-"

I felt like his silence had become unbearably loud. "You'd... want... you want a baby?" Pedro finally hushed out and I wished I could see his face, for his voice was unreadable.

I scoffed in what I hoped was still a friendly manner. "Pedro, okay, I realise we've been together for such a short time but even a blind person can see that you're practically born to be a dad." "That's not what I asked."

"I... yes," I confessed, almost feeling embarrassed. "At least... someday, I'd love to have all of this with you."

To my surprise, I heard a little sniff over the phone. "Someday." He repeated my words, sounding hopeful and heartbroken in equal measure.

"What about you?" I needed to hear anything from him at this point, really.

"I'm almost too afraid to hope," Pedro confessed, relieving my heart. "Seems too good to be true."

A tear rolled down my cheek, as I finally felt at peace with whatever the test would tell us. A glance at the clock indicated that it was time. "Three minutes are over." I introduced the idea of possibly the last seconds of life as we'd known it.

Shaky hands turned the pregnancy test while Pedro was holding his breath.

Glimpses of our future passed through my head like lightning. A pram in a sunlit room, my lips touching a baby's forehead, messy breakfasts and simply being together as a happy and... healthy family the way I'd never known one.

I felt hot and cold at the same time, as the result struck me. "It's negative." I interpreted the single line and concealed a huge exhale while Pedro didn't hide his.

After a short moment of silence, a smile turned into a loud grin, which turned into full chuckles until we were both laughing in relief of our nerves and also, love for one another.

The corners of my mouth turned downwards in disappointment before I could pull myself together and tell myself that we were better off that way for now. "Shame." I finally choked out and meant it but I also felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders.

"Yeah, shame." Pedro agreed with slowly dying chuckles.

I groaned, shaking with my head between my knees, still holding the pregnancy test with numb fingers. "Are you alright?" I asked immediately, feeling incredibly sorry I had put him through this.

Pedro's voice came out quiet. "Can you promise me something?"

"Anything, of course." "Always know that, if the test ever turns out to be positive, you can tell me without being afraid of how I'd react... because of course, if that's what you want too, I'd be over the moon happy. I'll be there-" his voice broke and it shattered my heart. "-no matter what happens, alright?" His vow of being this committed to our bond was everything I had needed to stop being afraid of the future. I just couldn't say anything to articulate how much it meant to me until I heard a little sob over the phone. Was he crying?

"Oh, Pedro." Now I was crying too. "Yes, I promise."

"I think I need a hug." He choked out, voice quivering and I cooed, drying my fresh tears with my sleeve.

"When will I see you?"

Pedro took a moment to gather himself. "Soon as I land. You'll be back in New York by the time I'm done with the promo shoots... come December."

"I should pick you up." "No, baby, I'll be there as quick as I can. I have to get things sorted out first." "But-" "Can you let me do what I need to do, woman?" He asked, strictly before we laughed together again.

I closed my eyes, a real smile beaming on my face, reflecting happiness from the depths of my heart. "We'll be back together in no time."

"And in between, another hotel room without you."

"We'll manage." More silence followed as I extinguished the bathroom light and tapped toward my window on bare feet. "I'm looking up at the sky. It's so clear... and so dark."

"I'm looking up now too. We're looking at the same moon." He described and I gazed upon the pale source of light, feeling so small compared to the grandeur of the universe while he was down here with me, but still so far away.

"It feels like you're here." He said and I wished I could kiss him with all the love I felt for him at this moment.

"I am," I promised before I settled into bed and buried my face into his hoodie, waiting there for me to revive my bittersweet homesickness.

"Do you want me to keep talking until you fall asleep?"

"Yes, I'd love that, angel."

~~~

Dawn broke, finally. After the band and I had finished another obsessive all-nighter in the studio, I yearned for a moment of peace and quiet.

That's how I found myself antsy to get some coffee and feel a little worse until I couldn't bear to be inside any longer. I had to take myself and my designer boots outside into the muddy grass fields and still couldn't believe I was doing this. Meanwhile, I was quartered at a studio in the middle of nowhere with cows and crows for early neighbours.

A little off-town, at a country ranch just across Cumberland River, I soaked up the bleak winter sunrise, watching the crows multiply as they blacked out the view. An imposing sight of delicately crafted clouds stretched above the wide farmland with autumn branches colouring the greys. The occasional cow mooed and I smiled wistfully at the peace surrounding me as I simply stood here, deprived of sleep and freeze crawling into my toes.

I had attempted to pour unpleasant black coffee into my soul until I was struck with the electrical charge of an epiphany. "Yes!" It burst out of me and birds flew up the trees when I leapt for the house. Coffee sloshed over the rim and my hand when I slammed through the door, burst into the studio and directed all eyes on me.

"I got it!" I yelled and repeated my statement in a calmer voice when all I got were shocked expressions. "Wah wah wah, bap bada wah wah wah." I mimicked the guitar line and then sipped my already empty cup. "You mean-" my guy at rhythm guitar played exactly what I meant. "Yes!" I pointed at him, satisfied.

'Blue Eyes' turned out to be the perfect blend of soft vocals and hard new-wave rock. The abrupt changes within the song blew Jack away several times when he came in to visit us during rehearsal one of these days. I waved him off but it was still nice to hear that multiple people agreed that my ode to Ewan had the potential to become a number-one chart hit.

This button addressed that unit and produced a dirty sound and a double baseline with the keyboard made you wanna dance. We all played differently and that was where our personalities flared up. Yet, I felt like the band had become a unit and I immensely enjoyed pushing ourselves to the best result.

I wiped underneath my eyes to get rid of the smear of excess eyeliner. "You've got one more in you?" I asked the exhausted band, then turned around to speak to the sound engineer behind the soundproof glass. "Try more echo on the guitar part and maybe throw it left and right in the intro?"

"Right, gang." I picked up the electric again and made it hum in anticipation. "One, two, three, four-"

~~~

Dear Nini,

I hope you're glad to know that everything is alright here and I'm keeping myself busy but I miss you so. I smell the roses, I eat the sweetest peaches and I think of kissing you.

Sending you a new friend and all my love, so you'll hardly feel my absence, mi pajárita.

Yours,

P

"I should go away more often if that means I get to receive such beautiful love letters from you." I mused, thriving off Pedro's responding non-verbal sound of amusement. "Thank you so much for this. It's a great comfort." I rolled to the side and cuddled with the fluffiest stuffed animal my beloved boyfriend had send me. It had been delivered along with the most romantic, lyrical note that could let my heart pound in my chest whenever I read its lines. "I think she looks like a Stevie." I stroked the cloud-like donkey stuffie's ears.

"That seems appropriate, I know you'll take good care of her." He chuckled back and I was briefly saddened and nervous about the fact that he wouldn't receive my record postcard to his New York address for several weeks to come. I felt like I had been neglecting our daily chats and calls for a few days while my name was being teared up in the news and my upcoming music career was no longer the stuff of rumours. "How have you been holding up?" He asked.

I let out a sound of pity at his slightly sceptical tone and immediately wished to soothe this poor abandoned man. "Oh, I don't know what to do, where to put my hands without you here. The only thing I know is that every day, I feel jealous of the sun that's kissing your face instead of me." I sighed and yearned for his skin after it had soaked in all warmth of the day.

Pedro seemed satisfied at that. "I miss you too, little songbird. Still counting the days til I'm on my way to you." "I miss you more. Not long now, and I'm all yours. I'll wait at my place when you'll get back and I'm already planning what I want to make us for dinner. Wait for it- Italian."

Pedro gasped. "Feeling a bit bold, are we?"

"I want to broaden my horizon. Maybe I can learn how to cook Mexican food too."

"I'd thought we'd cook together? I mean, I love a home-cooked meal but I don't expect you to do all the work. I can pick up some wine too." "Babe, I just want you to bring yourself and an antithes-tamintamine, antistethamine. God, what a word."

Pedro snickered. "Wine and dessert then?" He insisted. "Or... we could make ice cream like promised. I can dig that but you know I'm into the idea of tasting something much sweeter." He purred, his voice dropping into a seductive tone.

I giggled at his flirtation, blushing and twirling the donkey's ear in a bashful way, even though he couldn't see my flustered state. "Pedro?"

The tone of his questioning hum suggested he could read my mind from miles away. "What is it, mi amor?"

"Where are you?" "In my room, sitting at my desk." "You could be more comfortable, you mean." I pouted, manipulating him without any fruition. He wouldn't fall for my subtle cue.

Pedro was already intrigued. "Is now the time where you're going to tell me you're wearing my sweater again, you little minx?

I laughed. "Oh, I am indeed. Do you like the idea of your girlfriend wearing your clothes with nothing underneath?"

"Fuck." He cursed. "Yeah, I like that. Combined with one of your barely existent panties. Now take a wild guess what I found today." He rasped out but cleared up the mystery shortly after. "I'm holding the light pink ones in my hand right now, the pair you wore the very first time we slept together." I gasped, having completely forgotten I had never found them again afterwards. "Found them behind the dresser and I've been turned on since.

"Well, doesn't that make a nice souvenir, papi?" I asked, bravely close to saying what wasn't allowed and using the term of endearment in a sexual context. I smirked at the tortured groan he failed to hide anyway. He liked it as much as I did but never permitted us to indulge for the sake of my mental health. What a waste of opportunity.

I got up with a sensual swish of air and looked for a pretty pair of underwear and a short skirt, zipping it up and pretending like I had been wearing it all along because I knew he'd soon ask for more details. "Do you wanna know a secret?" I hushed out, only receiving an intrigued hum from him in return. "I touched myself in them, thinking about you before we met that night."

"Fuck, you did?"

I intended to drive him nuts with intention and anticipation and I savoured his laboured breaths like the sound of cacophony before the orchestra would begin to play. "It was so easy to make myself come back then. Now though? You touch me so right, spoiled me. I need you." I whined, pathetically.

"You're so adorable. Can't wait to kiss you again, little songbird." "Kiss me when you catch me and we'll see how much cooking we can get done." I lured him into sexy future promises as I put on some plumping lipstick.

"So, what else are you wearing, baby?" He asked in a sinfully suggestive tone. "Only my clothes? Don't tease me now, not when I want you so much."

I hummed innocently, congratulating myself for my foresight. "My hair is loose." I began, running my hand through it and floofing it up. "And I'm wearing a skirt that stops just above my thigh-high socks." There was a bang audible on the other end of the phone that made me jump as well as purse my lips in amusement. "Damn. Is there anything more sensual than a girl in high socks and a skirt?" Pedro gritted out.

"What, you wouldn't rather see me naked?" I teased him further.

"In my bed here with me, sprawled out, sweet and needy for me to go down on you. I miss your taste."

I giggled, blushing at his spurge of filthy words. "I honestly have to admit that I have 'never' met anyone who's as eager about eating a girl out." "I fucking love it, that's why. You're my girl and I love the sounds you make when I've got you under my tongue."

I hissed at the unbearable spiciness our call was flavoured with. "Is this- are we having phone sex?" I chirped out and he chuckled. "If you want to."

"I mean, I just hope you can take it." I concerned and I knew the 'bitch please' kind of face he was making at me right now before he was forced to let me carry on. "Come, feel me, you sweet man. I wanna know how good it is for you. You know I'd let you do anything to me, don't you?" I let out breathy words into the speaker like I was telling him a villainous open secret. "I get off on it, giving you anything you want, whatever you need and how you'll have me. What does that make me, you think?" I waited for his answer.

"Mine," Pedro replied correctly and I cried softly in triumph, bringing the speaker as close to my lips as possible.

"How about your good little slut?" I suggested confidently, doing my surprised but eager partner one better.

Pedro exhaled violently. "You have no idea how good you are at this." He breathed carefully, preparing to order me around. "Get on the bed."

"Yes... sir." I purred and bit my lip when I let my body drop onto the plush bed. "What now? Are you gonna join me or do you only want me to keep it wet for you until you get home?" I giggled at his deep, tortured growl.

"Do whatever it takes while I'm figuring out how you can have the audacity to walk around with your own spit in your mouth instead of mine." He sounded dangerous and these absolute filthiest words made me speechless, staring with wide eyes at the ceiling while he took advantage of my shocked state. "Go on. Tell me what else you think about when you pleasure yourself and come on your pretty little hand."

My face was beet red. I thought I had a plan but Pedro had quickly taken over. Who knew he was so good at phone sex as well? I hesitated, drawing out the moment before I admitted. "All of you... your tongue, your hands." I whispered, my heart still pounding in my chest. "I can feel myself getting so wet, just thinking about what we could do. Imagine it."

He hummed, satisfied at my eagerness to explore this part of our sexual experience. "Why don't we check, let my hands spread those soft thighs? Fuck, baby, prettiest little thing I ever laid my eyes on. I just wanna bury my face into your pussy. So... sweet and soft and wet for me."

I bit my lip, almost painfully. "And it's all yours when you come home."

Pedro rumbled out a promise. "When I see you, it's on sight." He warned me, just when a moan trembled from my lips at the excitement buzzing within me. "Are you touching yourself right now?" He asked, breathlessly.

I swallowed, thickly. My fingers were shaking but already slipping past the hem of my skirt to find suddenly hot skin. "Can I?" "Fuck, listen to yourself asking for permission. Do it."

I held my phone next to my ear as I settled back comfortably. "I am- I am touching myself but my skin feels too dry without your tongue." Slowly, my fingers began to descend down my body, dancing over perk and sensitive nipples before they slipped beneath my skirt and applied pressure where I most needed it. Another mewl spilt into my phone at the sweet relief. "But I'm wet for you here, dripping. You're doing this to me."

"Good. You know how much I love to prepare you for me, slowly. Tease yourself the way I would."

I could only whimper while I worked myself, imagining his fingers instead of this poor substitute as I slipped deeper into soft, dewy flesh.

"Words, honey. What are you doing?" "Feels good, Pedro. Feels- s' good. Want to push inside me but... it can't compare to anything you give me." "What do you want?" "Give me more, more dirty words!" I ordered him. To hell with all these pleasantries when I just wanted him to fuck me.

"Ah, ah. You know what to do. Indulge me, sweetheart." He corrected me.

I would, in my greed, beg him as I threw my head to the side and gasped into my pillow. "Please, give me more. Please." I hushed out, swallowing my pride.

"Good. Very good. That's it. Don't worry, I got you. I always take good care of you, don't I?" His praises were hot and sticky whispers in my ear, flowing into my veins and running down my throat in heavy gulps like slow petit mort.

"I'll always be there for you, baby girl. Fuck, you're so perfect when you rub your little clit like this, doing such a good job pleasing me." His soothing words poured tears into my eyes and caused a violent shudder to run from the nape of my neck down to my toes. "Can you imagine me holding onto your hips, kissing your neck when I push my fingers into you?"

"Mmh, yes." I moaned out, gulping before I remembered I had my equal part to play in this. "Will they stay inside? I'll let you stare at us when your fingers drip from me, in and out. Know this tight cunt is yours to play with." My voice dropped alluringly.

"Filthy, filthy girl."

"All those marks you leave on my body? Wouldn't be enough, hm? You need to fill me up soon. Baby, touch yourself for me." "Way ahead of you."

The image he projected into my head was a sight for sore eyes, him on the bed we had shared, stroking himself with blissfully parted lips. "You look simply devine like this, my angel. Tell me how hard you are." "Rock h-" Pedro groaned.

"What would you do if you saw me like this, finger stuffed, trying so hard to come without you?" "I'd watch." He let out a huff of breath. "You wouldn't be allowed to stop until you'd make yourself come."

Every ounce of my being begged my body to let me come or let me die. "I'm- holding off, I could... right now." I chocked on air when he interrupted the exquisite approach of my climax.

"Easy, go slower." He commanded, gently but with no room for argument.

I had felt my peak building up, then subsiding into frustration when I listened to him and stopped. "But-" I began but Pedro was always keen to remind me of our most sweet and sinister ways. "You do as I say, remember?"

I swallowed. "Yes, sir."

"Good girl. Let's say you did come-" "You're being cruel." I protested but he simply chuckled.

"I'd take you right there when you haven't even come down yet." Fuck, oh, I wished he would. I wouldn't be prepared and it would make all the difference. If I listened closely, I could even hear him emitting the wet sounds of bringing himself pleasure. "You're an entity, maybe that's why it feels so holy when I finally push into you... when you break open for me and let me in. I can't stop looking at your face when I do, like it's too much every time. Fuck, when I think about that first moan you give me." His rumoured whispers had me breathless. His dirty words were poetry. I heaved an involuntary high and choked out sound, overwhelmed at how good he was at this and he simply scoffed at it.

"There it is." He purred further. "How does it feel for you?"

"You fill me up so good, you're so big and I want you to make it fit." I had tears in my eyes when I bit into the back of my hand.

His panting made out a faint whisper. "And you're taking it like a big girl. My sweet thing, so wet for me. You can relax for me now. I always got you, don't I? I'll make you come soon, hm? You'd scream my name when I fuck you hard, just the way you like to take me. Ask me to go so much harder when you take it from behind this time."

I whined at the image he envisioned. "Yes! Fuck me harder, yes! Oh god, harder!"

"Love seeing you tremble underneath me when I do, when I break you apart and you can't think about anything else than being fucked on my cock, baby."

"Love it when you hit me just right, I can't think- I..." I let out theatrical girlish moans. "I'm so cockdumb."

"I make it so you can't move underneath me, pinned down and you just have to take it like this but you're too far gone anyway-"

I shook in pleasure as I panted sharply into the phone. "Please, make me cry for it. Fill me up, I want it!"

Pedro gave out a villainous hum. "Are you really so needy for me? Would you beg for it properly or do I have to reconsider and pull out and paint you? You're such a pretty little thing when you beg." He panted and I pictured the sinful baptism, pictured him towering over me as he held me in submission. "Do you want me to give you my fingerprints on your hips? Fuck, you look so tiny between my hands, taking my cock so well. You're doing so good."

Pedro let out a string of Spanish curses and praises and we both got lost in our fantasy for a moment. My eyes were violently screwed shut and I simply let go, rubbing and rubbing, never staying silent and moaning directly into my phone.

"Baby there's-"

"Pedro, shit, I'm almost there!" "-no better place than deep inside your body." I rose higher and higher, building up my climax until I could feel myself balancing on the edge.

"I want you to fucking come. Now." He ordered. His voice prolonged the high I had already reached and it spilt over when he grunted, oh so perfectly. I obliged, coming so hard I couldn't believe it had been from my own fingers.

I let out a shuddering breath as my mind transcended towards the ceiling, circling so perfectly. Moany breaths left my lips in the aftershock and I pressed my phone to my forehead as the bliss ebbed away.

Pedro chuckled, he actually chuckled at my defeat. He knew how good he was with his words and voice alone.

I panted out, trying to swallow from my dry mouth. "I came so hard, that was incredibly hot." Pedro keened at my words while he listened to me come down from my orgasm. I was buzzing and trembling, energised and full of wonder.

"Such a good girl, I knew you could do it. My perfect, kinky little plaything," He said through gritted teeth, the praise more for his pleasure now. Even though I had already climaxed, his words made my muscles clench and my heart beat uncontrollably wild. "Do you have any idea how hard you got me?" He asked, a painful hiss in his voice. I could tell from the sounds that he was still pumping his cock but a thought made me interrupt him. "Stop!" I commanded and a breathy exhale proved his frustration.

"I was so close, why-"

"Switch to video chat with me. Now." The demand was uncharacteristically authoritative of me but it took Pedro only a second to oblige. I smirked deviously when I finally saw his face which seemed to ask me where that attitude suddenly came from. I placed my phone onto the low headboard and crawled up close so he could only see my plump lips, swollen from biting them. "Save the image for the real thing, honey. I've got something even better for you. Let me make it up to you."

His chest was heaving. "Turn around beautiful girl, show me how wet your panties are."

I set my phone square onto the headboard of my bed against the wall, so he could see the entire play area. "I can do more than that, angel," I promised cryptically, paired with a sweet smile.

Pedro smiled beautifully in return, dark obsidian eyes impossible to distinguish from his pupils. "What is this, hm?"

I leaned to the side for a moment, dimmed the lights and found just the right song on my old iPod. Afterwards, I sat up and made a show of messing my hair up. "Relax and enjoy the show," I told him with a wink and turned on the song I had in mind for this special occasion.

"No, you didn't!" Pedro hollered and cheered in amazement, it made me break character for a brief second as I laughed at his adorableness.

A second later, I blinked at him with the most sultry look I could muster. The song had the distinguished erotic character of Prince expressing his feelings for this absolutely horniest, sexually liberated woman he once met. It was perfect for the occasional strip tease I would have in store for him in the future.

I had seen it play out in my head before and had planned a loose concept of a choreography. It all went according to plan when I turned around during the intro and showed him enough of my ass underneath my skirt to let him see a glimpse of my ruined knickers. I looked back from this kneeling position and could barely hold back a moan. The screen was a little small from this distance but Pedro's mouth was momentarily hidden by his hand as he seemed to spit into it and went back to stroking himself off-camera.

I smirked at his eagerness. Pride and confidence washed over me at the sight of his pleasure even though I had barely done anything yet. I introduced sensual swirls of my hips back and forth to the slow rhythm and flicked my hair when I arched my back and gathered it back in my hands.

I knew a girl named Nikki, I guess you could say she was a sex fiend,

Prince moaned out his song while I bit my lip and teased Pedro when I revealed more skin underneath his clothes. My hand following the plane of my belly until it cupped my sex.

Met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine.

I would make this good enough for him to develop a Pavlovian reaction to this particular song.

The first thing I peeled off my body was his oversized sweater and I squeezed my tits for him underneath the confinement of my bra. Pedro watched me pretend to grind down on him from this angle, picking up my hips and sinking down again like he was here with me and not just his hoodie. I swirled my hips in hypnotic circles and began grinding just like Nikki would.

When the instrumental part hit, I was in only my bra, skirt and thigh-high socks, flipping my hair dramatically. I was slowly tugging them off my skin the way I remembered from my dance class for the Burlesque sequel I had starred in. Everything I had learned back then came in handy now. Even three years later, I knew how to properly fling my clothes across the room and make sure he could see barely enough. It was all part of the tease, to unhook my bra artistically and with such faked innocence in my eyes. I concealed my nipples from him with my hands until I dropped them and went from showgirl to stripper.

I was almost sure Pedro had whispered something but the music was turned up loud enough to drown every other sound. Greedy eyes stared back at me through a slightly shaking video chat. My chest and legs were bare to him now and my hair got wilder and wilder as the song got more intense and my confidence peaked.

She said sign your name on the dotted line, the lights went out and Nikki started to grind

Another instrumental part made me throw myself back and lift my hips into the air rhythmically. Slowly, I rose my legs and peeled my thin panties off without letting him look underneath my skirt.

The music overlapped his curses when I rolled onto my knees and elbows and dipped down onto the mattress. My hooded eyes were staring at my boyfriend through the lit screen of my phone until I started the pantomime. The actress in me enjoyed the play I initiated with the particular erotic passion this song provided.

I dropped my head and whipped my skirt up like it had been an invisible hand, fast and surprising and still not enough because Pedro could only see the front of my body and pushed up curve of my ass. I was naked, out in the room. Granting him a blissful expression with a slap on my thigh. The sting tingled but it felt pathetic compared to a spank from him. It was entirely ludicrous. The skirt made my strip tease so much dirtier than if I had been completely naked. It wasn't just porn, it was art.

I let the thin air make love to me while I pretended he would take me from behind in my skirt, hard and slow to the beat. It looked real, it looked filthy but it was just me, on the bed, making straight eye contact and actually drooling until wiping it away with my hand.

I can't tell what she did to me but my body will never be the same

I stayed mute to not disturb the song's passion but I rose my head in an open-mouthed moan when I shifted my body and angled it just so he could finally view my dripping core and could see I was about to touch myself again.

Oh, she'll show no mercy but she'll sho'nuff, sho'nuff show you how to grind. Darlin' Nikki

Just like that, I decided he could enjoy the sight of both my face and my pussy if I would sit back and spread my legs, lift my hips into my hand and throw my head back with a silent expression of pure bliss.

Grind, grind, grind, grind, grind

I had thought I was satiated, I didn't need another orgasm but my body didn't listen. It made me feel so fucking powerful while the instrumental part went on and on and my movements got wilder and messier. My entire body tensed up in euphoria when I came again but my fingers kept rubbing and clenching my core until my body went limp and I feel forward in exhaustion.

It just felt so damn good to hear those sounds from him when he orgasmed with me but the song had ended and I slowly opened my eyes to grin at Pedro. We were both out of breath and just stared at each other in wonder.

In our newly discovered silence, he made an appreciating sound and wolf whistled. "I think I'm speechless. That was fff- fucking incredible."

I giggled at his praise. "How do you feel?" I asked sounding something between shy and sultry while I crawled up to my phone on wobbly limbs.

"Sweaty... Sticky." Pedro grumbled, raising one eyebrow as he looked down at himself. His gaze spoke volumes from accusation to admiration when his eyes snapped up again. "I made a mess of myself."

A triumphant grin spread across my face. "Next time you choose the song." I invited him.

His eyes closed when he chuckled. "I couldn't have chosen anything better, but here's the deal.... only if you'll let me return the favour." He insisted and I gasped excitedly.

"You'd do that? Holy shit, that's a big fucking yes from me." "I used to be a go-go dancer when I was younger. I can do that." He nodded at himself, determined.

I didn't have to think long. "In that case, 'Bottle Living' by Dave Gahan." "Alright," he grinned at me. "Got to see if I can steal the cowboy hat for that one." My fist hit my pillow. "Oh, oh fuck, oh fucking delicious."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "When you're done, I wanna watch you come to um..." he thought for a bit. "Feelin' Love' by Paula Cole."

"Ooooh." I felt giddy at this excellent soundtrack and clapped my hands, deciding I could lip-sync throughout the entire song. "Next time. I can't wait."

"Next time," he repeated, looking satisfied for one moment longer before he cringed down at himself. "I've got to clean up and get my head together. You're definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me." While I melted on the inside, he let out one last tired groan, though the smile on his lips lingered.

I blew him a kiss. "I'll speak to you soon, I miss you."

He caught it and nearly kissed the camera in return. "I miss you more. Goodnight my little songbird. You're amazing."

"Goodnight, angel." My heart lit up once more. I simply wished I could have seen it in person when the crows feet in the corners of his eyes crinkled with joy.

~

Part 23

[lunarflux]

"baby i drink to forget - not to remember"

hwang hyunjin x reader

genre — fluff!au

drinking!!!

suggested background music: x

.

.

.

What started out as one bottles suddenly turned into ten.

Your group of friends sat in a circle on the floor, passing soju bottles around like greetings at the thought of another long year of friendship that came and went. It was already past midnight, but the crickets were silenced by the boom of spontaneous laughter and conversation.

Hyunjin always sat beside you. You never knew why - in all the years of friendship you had, he always chose the seat next to yours. He'd smile and laugh with you, but he never got any closer than the two inches of the space between seats. It's been years, but you never thought to ask.

Tonight was game night. Felix bought some card game and thought it was a good idea to play this over drinks. You had to admit this was more fun than watching everyone play games or going out to a club.

"It's called We're Not Really Strangers -" Felix opened the box.

You groaned, recognizing the name. "Felix, that's like an emotional game; why'd you pick that?" You hiccupped in between shots.

He shrugged, "I dunno. It seemed like a fun thing to do. I can't remember the last time we had a deep talk other than that one wedding we went to when Changbin started crying into his cake after one too many shots."

Had Changbin not finished a bottle of two by himself, he might have been awake for that jab.

Hyunjin puffed out his cheeks, taking the deck from Felix and shuffling it in between taking another shot. "Five years of friendship, and you still want to know more about us, huh?"

Felix smiled in between exchanging glances with your friend beside him. He'd had a crush on her for ages. A small game like this should've said enough.

In one word, describe how you feel right now.

When was the last time you surprised yourself?

Strangers would describe me as _____. Only I know myself as ______.

The game went on until eventually you and Hyunjin were the only ones awake. Felix left with his crush for a midnight ice cream run. Changbin had to be carried home. It was just the two of you. He pulled the next card.

"Are you missing anyone right now? Do you think they're missing you?" Hyunjin read aloud to you. "Well?"

"Well, what?" You sneered.

"Are you missing anyone?" He smirked.

"No."

"Not even one person?"

"No."

"Why not?"

You shrugged. "Everyone I really like is here in this room. What's to miss?"

Hyunjin almost looked satisfied. Skipping your turn, he picked up another card. "Wild card - make an assumption about me. Says we both have to answer."

You turned to face your friend.

As if he wasn't expecting you to get so close, he nearly leaned away. You could smell the faint scent of alcohol on his lips. Or maybe it was yours? After the last bottle, you couldn't really tell anymore.

Hyunjin was always such a curious character. Back when you were in high school, he was always so sweet. He'd offer to walk with you to school or share his lunch if you tried to diet. You almost swore he liked you at some point, but it just never happened. He stayed a dear friend, one you'd see every month or so for drinks.

When Hyunjin was drunk, he'd lean on you. This was the only time he ever did, and part of you wished he wouldn't drink when you were together because in his drunken splendor, he'd talk - and you never forgot what he'd say.

"Be my girlfriend."

And every time you'd respond -

"Ask me when you're sober."

He never did. He never really really remembered. The next days were always full off groans and complaints of hangovers, yours included. Even though he'd ask you what happened, you knew those were just drunk words. If he didn't remember in the morning, it couldn't have been real.

It would be a complete lie to assume you never developed anything deeper than friendship-like love for Hyunjin. It was hard not to. But every time you tried to get close, it was like he wanted to pull away. After all these years, it didn't make sense anymore.

Drunk words are - after all - drunk.

"You go first." You closed your eyes, finally feeling one or two drops of soju hitting your spine. It had been too long since you drank this much. It was a miracle you weren't passed out like the others.

Hyunjin laughed once then nothing. He just stared, like he was looking for the words.

"I don't know what to say."

"Oh, come on - " You pushed his shoulder, your head rolling forward. "There has to be something you think you know about me. Anything. Something."

You were close to laying back down on the floor when you suddenly felt Hyunjin's hand on your back, keeping you upright.

You grimaced. "This really is the only time, huh."

He looked at you with concern. "I'm sorry?"

You leaned in closer to him, poking his cheek with your finger. "You always hug the guys. You never hug me! You don't lean on me unless you're drunk - you never get close to me." You giggled, turning your five year long question into sarcastic banter. "How come you never want to touch me, huh?"

"It's not like that." He smiled, poking your pouted lip. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what." You pouted harder. "You never get close to me when you're sober, you never lay a hand on me. You only ask me to be your girlfriend when you're drunk. Why can't you be like that all the time?"

Hyunjin's smile slowly dropped. He looked at you seriously.

"Why, you want to be my girlfriend?"

You stifled a laugh. This was no time to be serious. For once, it looked like you were more drunk than him, and this wasn't the time to get caught up in feelings you always tried to forget. "Shut up. You don't mean it."

"You think I don't want you to my girlfriend?"

You turned your head only for your cheek to meet Hyunin's finger. He kept his finger there, his smile growing again. "You're cute, you know that?"

Pushing his hand away, you released a heavy sigh. "Hwang Hyunjin, I told you before, so I'll say it again. Say these things to me when you're sober. I'm too drunk to deal with you teasing me."

"I'm not drunk." He shrugged. " You guys drank the most, and I have work in the morning. Why would I drink?"

You blinked once. Twice.

"You're being serious. You're not drunk?" Suddenly, you felt very sober.

Hyunjin's smile stretched across his entire face, like he was watching a puppy stumble over its own legs. "I never drink enough to get that drunk. I sober up very quickly - I thought you knew."

"How the hell would I know that?" You sneered. "We always drink together!"

"Yeah, all of us. It's not like you're counting my shots or checking when I stop drinking."

"Then why didn't you ever ask me when you were sober?"

"If you really thought I only wanted you to be my girlfriend because I was drunk, then I thought you really didn't want to." Hyunjin patted your head. "You're always so touchy with the guys. I didn't want to be like everyone else. If you were my girlfriend, I'd get jealous."

"I still can't tell if you're lying - " You poured yourself another shot before lifting the shot glass to your lips, but instead of feeling another stinging kiss of liquid, you just felt the back of Hyunjin's hand, shielding the soju from reaching the edge.

He grabbed the shot and downed it in one easy swig. Placing the glass back down, he sighed. "Fine -"

Hyunjin pulled your face close to his, the taste of soju still glimmering on his lips. A forceful yet deep kiss, he sighed into you before dropping one hand to the back of your neck, the other to your waist. His lips moved slowly but with a hunger. Your head was spinning, but whether it was because of the alcohol or just him you couldn't tell. Squeezing the back of your neck ever so slightly, Hyunjin lowered you down to the floor, suddenly more sober than ever.

He looked at you - but it was like you were looking at him for the first time ever in your life. The apartment suddenly seemed so quiet as his gaze followed your heaving chest, breathless from his kiss.

"Yes, I want you to be my girlfriend." He finally spoke. "But I don't want you to answer until you're sober."

Hyunjin stood up and gathered his things. After what seemed like an hour, you sat up and realized he was gone.

Your head was still spinning - that couldn't have been real.

**

You hadn't seen Hyunjin in a week.

Not for lack of trying, but whenever you unlocked your phone only to see his name at the top of your notifications, you couldn't help but panic. Yes, you woke up with a hangover the next day, but the memory of that kiss was burned into your brain, and it was the only thing you could think about.

Hyunjin lived at an apartment complex down the street.

You couldn't help but wonder if he'd magically appear in front of you, and then your words would just be caught in your chest.

Look down, look down. Just keep walking.

Ready to enter your apartment, your curiosity peaked. Looking across the way, you spotted him. Standing in front of his apartment.

With a girl?

Blinding fury took over as you made your way over to him. The girl had already walked away, but something in you just said -

"You're such an asshole!" You gave him one hard shove, nearly pushing him over.

Hyunjin laughed once. "Did I miss something?"

"You - and the - she -"

"- is my neighbor. She got my mail by accident." He opened his back to reveal a small package and two envelopes.

You stumbled back, immediately regretting your entire existence.

Hyunjin took two steps toward you as you took two back. "You haven't been answering my texts."

"W-Well, I -" You couldn't find your words let alone remember how to speak. "I just - "

"So are you ready to give me your answer?"

"What answer?"

He leaned in again, cupping your cheek with his hand. Barely grazing your lips with his, Hyunjin teased. You could feel his breath playing over your skin. Gently resting his lips on your forehead, he pulled away with a content grin.

"I won't kiss you again unless it's as your boyfriend."

It took everything in you not to punch him straight in the stomach, so you settled for a hit to the arm. "Why -" and again "- didn't -" and again "- you just -" and once more "- ASK ME."

Hyunjin couldn't hold back in his laughter. "Sue me for getting nervous in front of the girl I like!" He grabbed hold of your hand before lacing his fingers between yours. "Is that a yes?"

"I hate you." You fought back a laugh.

He nodded. Pulling you into his chest, Hyunjin kissed the top of your head.

"I guess that means yes."

[classysassy9791]

Fandom: Inuyasha Genre: Romance/Humor/Fluff Pairing: InuKag Rating: T

The conclusion for this little fic that has waited 6 years for completion. Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

Thank you to @akitokihojo for being such a stellar beta for this fic, and helping it come to its completion. Couldn't have done it without you!

For @inukag-week Day 6: Transformation.

Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l

Part 4 Word Count: 2,000

Can also be found on FFN and AO3

.

.

.

It had been a very long time since Kagome had experienced a hangover.

The buzzing in her brain soon became too much to ignore as it beckoned her to consciousness. She opened her eyes to the dimly lit room. Sunlight peeking from beneath the closed curtains indicated it was daytime and she silently thanked herself for being smart enough to close them before leaving her apartment the evening before.

Kagome wrapped the duvet around herself and tried to grasp a hold on the fleeting darkness of unconsciousness. She knew nothing would cure a hangover except time, and she would rather spend it floating through dreamless sleep than deal with the repercussions head-on. Waves of nausea added to her misery and she could faintly smell whiskey with each exhale - a scent that was intoxicating last night, yet this morning it only caused her stomach to twist further.

Her phone pinged with a message, but she didn't dare even try to reach for it, the annoyingly bright glare of her phone not exactly something she wanted to sabotage herself with. As the minutes passed by, she became more acutely aware of her brain feeling like it would swell beyond the capacity of her skull, and her dehydration became too obvious to ignore. Her tongue felt like cotton as she licked her dry, cracked lips. Damn, why did the morning after always have to remind her of what a bad decision the night before was?

She squinted and finally set her gaze on her nightstand. A surprising wave of relief washed over her. Drunk Kagome must have had an intelligent moment, for on her nightstand stood a bottle of painkillers and a glass of water. As quickly as she dared, she propped herself up on one elbow, trying to ignore the slight spin of the room, before greedily popping two pills and finishing the water. Even so, her thirst was far from quenched.

As Kagome tried to sort through her memories of the night before, she quickly registered that she had no memory of coming home last night. The last, clear recollection she could come up with had her sitting at the bar with Inuyasha and sharing a shot with the bartender.

"Shit," she groaned, hanging her head before precariously pulling her legs from beneath her blanket. Blacking out from drinking had been a favorite past time of hers back in her early college days. It wasn't because she didn't know her own limits when it came to being intoxicated, but back then, she simply didn't care. Drinking had been her favorite vice when it came to dealing with the pressures of school, boyfriends, and girl drama. It had been years since she had felt the need to get obliterated so completely.

Finally finding her courage, Kagome reached over and unlocked her phone. The red battery sign at the top meant it was almost dead, so she quickly scrolled through all the alerts on her phone. There had been way too many messages and missed calls from Hojo, which triggered the memory of the picture she had sent him. Her nausea increased ten-fold. Regret was a spiteful bitch.

Hojo was going to be the afternoon's problem. Maybe even tomorrow's problem. All Kagome knew was that it wasn't going to be a now problem.

Kagome plugged in her phone and once she was on her feet, the room swayed, almost causing her to lose balance. She stumbled out into the hallway to her bathroom to relieve herself. When she finished, she washed her hands and splashed cold water on her face just to feel something refreshing. The person's face who greeted her in the mirror no longer resembled the glamorous girl of the night. Only a woman's face awash with guilt, a wrinkled set of pajamas, and hair that was far from attractive.

From the other end of the apartment, Kagome suddenly heard a key turning in her front door. Immediately, she felt panic rise in her throat, eyes going wide. No one had a key to her apartment, not even Hojo, so unless she had been robbed last night - which she very may well have considering she had very little memory of it - no one should be coming over.

She swallowed thickly against her cotton throat and grabbed the first weapon at her fingertips - a plunger. Yeah, she wasn't winning any awards for being clever, but she was hungover and scared for her life.

Kagome crept down the hallway toward the front door and nearly lost her breath at who she saw standing in her entryway. The man from the bar last night - Inuyasha? - was making his way to her kitchen with a carrier filled with coffee and a bag from her favorite breakfast joint down the block.

"Good morning," he greeted casually, not at all thrown off by her presence as he set down his packages on the counter. "I brought you breakfast."

Rage and astonishment swelled in her chest. "What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?!"

He winced and held his hands over his ears before turning to glare at her. "If you could wait until after eight in the morning to start yelling, I'd really appreciate it."

"You didn't answer my question," she seethed, wide eyes sweeping the rest of the apartment for evidence as to what exactly happened last night?!

Inuyasha studied her from across the room and laughed at her dumbfounded expression. "Did you think I was a burglar or something? What's with the plunger?"

Kagome looked down at the plunger she held in his direction like a sword, and felt a blush bloom across her cheeks. She hurriedly hid it behind her back. "W-What was I supposed to think?"

He simply rolled his eyes. "Do you want breakfast or not?"

She bit her lip, but couldn't deny the ravenous hunger eating away at her stomach. Probably half the reason why she was so nauseous. Without saying another word, she slipped back into the bathroom to put away her weapon before meeting him in the kitchen. The sweet aroma of coffee and fresh bagels greeted her. She could've kissed him all over again.

"I didn't know how you liked your coffee, so I got cream and sugar just in case."

Kagome slowly sat down in the chair across from him, watching him slather some cream cheese on his bagel and drink his black coffee. She racked her brain as to exactly why Inuyasha was in her apartment, and then flashes of the night before came rushing back, of sloppy passionate kisses and tangled sheets.

Her heart dropped to her stomach.

Inuyasha studied the array of emotions that flickered across her face while he slowly chewed his bite of bagel and then swallowed. "Kagome, how much do you remember of last night?"

She bit her lip, shameful eyes lifting to his. "Um, well…" Her gaze fell to her person, realizing she was no longer wearing the sequined black dress she had gone out in. All the evidence pointed to a girl she wanted no relation to, making decisions that were very, very regrettable.

"We didn't sleep together."

Kagome's eyes flew to Inuyasha's, his deep voice quelling her fears. "We-We didn't?"

Amber eyes watched her carefully before turning back to his bagel. "No, we didn't. I'm not the kinda guy who beds a girl when she's drunk. Not my style."

A breath Kagome didn't know she had been holding escaped her lips. She had never been the type of girl to have one-night-stands. Her friends always teased her about it, but it was something she prided herself in. Having sex with someone wasn't something she did on a whim. She wanted to know she meant more to someone than an easy lay.

Her brows furrowed as she sipped on her coffee. "If we didn't sleep together, then why are you here?" she questioned. It would've been one thing if she had woken up with a naked man in her bed and kicked him out because of sheer embarrassment. It was another thing entirely that a man she didn't sleep with would bring her breakfast in the morning.

Inuyasha shrugged. "I was too tired to get another ride home last night, so I slept on your couch."

Kagome glanced over the breakfast bar to see a blanket and pillow on her couch as evidence that it had been occupied the night before.

"You know, you probably shouldn't drink so much."

She threw him a glare. "Did I ask for your judgement?"

He shrugged. "I'm just sayin'. Letting a stranger take you home because you're too drunk isn't exactly attractive."

Kagome scoffed. "Oh, thanks for the help," she snipped sarcastically. "What would I've done without you?"

Inuyasha grinned. "Probably throw a party to celebrate my absence."

"Probably, yeah," she hotly agreed. "I would've been just fine on my own."

"Maybe."

She frowned, flashes of last night starting to come back. They had been two heartbroken strangers in a bar who found comfort in their shared misery. Under the neon flashing lights and upbeat techno music, they gravitated toward one another like moths to a flame. But by morning they had transformed; she no longer represented the alluring woman who bewitched him, and he no longer appeared as the mysterious man who captivated her.

Now, she was simply Kagome Higurashi - a woman who was dumped by her fiance and had a mile-long to-do list regarding cleaning up their frayed relationship. And he was simply Inuyasha.

Kagome inwardly cringed. She didn't even know his last name. Or what he did for work. Or anything about him really.

Just fucking great.

"Look, Inuyasha," she began, setting down her coffee. "I appreciate everything you, er, did for me, but-"

"When we're done here, we should go on a real date."

Her mouth fell open. "What?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "Why not?"

"You have got to be joking," Kagome said while shaking her head. "One-night stands are literally just for one night, and we definitely would not work out."

He grinned. "Damn. That's a quick deduction there."

Kagome blushed. "I just mean that, last night… it was great and all, but…"

"It's daytime and the whole world's changed?" Inuyasha finished for her.

She sighed and looked away. He was right. Things were different. Last night didn't happen often for her, and bringing home a guy to her apartment never happened. If it were up to her, she'd stuff last night in a box as a precious memory and then forget it ever happened.

"I'm not saying I'm over Kikyou."

Kagome met his gaze. His eyes locked onto her, and held not an ounce of mirth. He was serious about this. He wanted to see if this could become something.

"And I doubt you're over your ex-fiance," he continued. "But, last night was fun. You're different and piss me off to no end-"

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" she asked with narrowed eyes.

He sighed and after a moment finally stood up. "Look. You seem like a great girl. But I'm not one to beg. Thanks for the couch." Slipping his phone into his back pocket, he turned to leave.

"Inuyasha, wait!" Kagome called as she chased after him.

Dammit. This guy was so infuriating! He insulted her, and called her names, and angered her enough to make her slap him upside the head. But he also made her laugh, and feel alive, and made her want to kiss him again and again.

She couldn't deny that she wanted to see him again.

Grabbing his elbow, she made him stop in his tracks and look over his shoulder at her. "What?"

"This…" she started, fumbling for the right words. "This is never going to work. You and I."

He gave her a lopsided smile. "I'll pick you up at six."

And then he was gone, closing the door behind him.

Within a moment of him leaving, Kagome realized something: Meeting Inuyasha was either going to be the best luck she ever had, or the very worst. At least, on the bright side, he had already witnessed her at her lowest.

How bad could it be?

[spencers-dria]

Something From a Fairytale

Someone To Stay Ch. 15

Spencer x fem reader

Y/N POV:

It'a Friday and you are prepared for a normal evening in, curled up on the couch watching Harry Potter with Spencer. That is, until you received a text from him stating: "change of plans, I'm picking you up at 7. Formal attire highly encouraged ;)"

The blush on your face fades as quickly as it appears, as you brush it off as him being goofy rather than flirty. Why was he picking you up, though? And dressed for something formal? Was he taking time to dinner? Was this a date? The thoughts flood your brain so quickly you nearly go dizzy. You quickly shake your head, trying to clear it of the chaos like a etch-a-sketch. Okay. Deep breaths. You're certain you are overthinking things. If  you aren't careful, you will allow myself to be accidentally lead on. You and Spencer friends. Nothing had changed. Sure you have seen him a bit differently lately, but you didn't do anything about it. But admitting those things out loud to your friends, his friends, well that made it feel pretty real. Pretty one sided too. Ugh, you're such a mess. Get it together.

You finally pull yourself up off the couch realizing you want to have enough time to shower and fix your hair, and to properly do your makeup. Not to mention the time it would take to no doubt go through multiple outfits before finally settling on one. You had grown so comfortable around him, you usually didn't prepare much for your movie nights. But something about his request had a certain weight to it. You can't place your finger on it, but tonight felt important.

After showering, shaving, and drying your hair, you throw on a robe and walk into your closet, letting your fingers flip through the clothes. Too fancy, too casual, too edgy...none of it felt right until your eyes land on a dark purple, strapless dress with a sweetheart neckline and long flowing skirt that reaches the floor. You start to second guess, shooting a quick text to Spencer: "Sooo how formal are we talking?"

He takes only a few seconds to respond: "That can be up to you. But probably nothing you'd wear to a sports event."

You roll my eyes. Ha ha. Very funny. You decide this will have to do. Besides, he loves purple, and you can't help but wanting to impress him once again. He'd already seen one side of you that night of a bar. You are ready to show him you can look classy, when you wanted to. You have more than just sweat pants and cocktail dresses.

After giving your hair some loose curls, you put on some light, shimmering eye shadow with bold black eyeliner and a darker pink matte liquid lip. You get so distracted by fixing little details in your makeup or hair that you're caught off guard by the knock at the door. You immediately feel a pit sink into the deepest part of my stomach, pure nerves.

You take a deep breathe before opening the door to see Spencer standing there looking far too nervous considering how fantastic he looks. A well fitting black suit jacket, black button down, and black slacks. He's standing with a hand behind his back, nervously staring at the ground. He's eyes shoot up to you as soon as you've opened the door.

This isn't what you were expecting at all, but you're not complaining. You're also still unsure what this is, as you try to push aside any thoughts that jump to premature conclusions. After staring at each other in silence for a few seconds, you finally speak up.

"You look incredible, Spencer. I mean, really handsome, truly."

He shakes his head slightly like he doesn't quite believe you. He looks down at the ground as you can tell he's contemplating his next words carefully. He finally looks up at you with the sweet brown eyes you love so much. He's so quiet that you almost miss it. "You're breathtaking."

You feel your breath hitch in my throat. He's always been sweet but this was different. Before you have a chance to get in your head again, he brings his hand out from behind his back, to reveal a single rose. Naturally, it's purple, which is apparently our theme for the night. You chuckle before taking the lavender flower in your hand and bringing it up to your nose. You close your eyes and inhale the overwhelming fragrance. You can't tell what's sweeter, the aroma of the rose or the moment itself.

You slowly drag your eyes back up to meet his when he finally speaks. "Would you do me the honor of being my date for this evening?" He steps forward and offers me his arm with a smile, slightly more confident. At a complete loss for words, all you can manage to do is nod your head. You're sure there is also a grin across your face so large, that you can't possibly hide how happy you are in this moment.

The girls were clearly very wrong about you needing to make the first move. Spencer had shown up at my door, like something from a fairy tale, ready to sweep you off my feet and whisk you away to an unknown adventure. As you took his arm and descend the stairs to the lobby, you know in that moment you'd follow him anywhere. He lead you to his car and opened the passenger side, allowing you to slip in. Spencer driving was such a rarity; You are impressed once again.

If you had any uncertainty of how you felt before, it was all but a memory now, replaced with an overwhelming gravitational pull to the man who is sitting next to you in the car. You try not to let your gaze linger too long. Part of you wants to take in how handsome he looks, but the other part just wants to take in every inch of the person who had all but just professed feelings for you. He'd asked you on a date. It felt like a whole new side of him and you are still in awe. You want to take in as much of it as possible, before it ever dares to slip away. Before he changes his mind, or you wake up...I mean there's always a twist right. But you bring your mind back to the present to focus in and enjoy every moment while it lasts.

You want to ask where you are going or why he asked you on a date but settle instead for the comforting silence of the ride. Somehow it isn't awkward. You just enjoy being for the moment, taking in one another's presence.

You can't help but admire his jaw line, the way his curls frame his face. He's definitely prettier than you, which isn't fair, but you don't mind seeing as you get  the pleasure of getting to look at him.

You've been staring a little too long when you notice he quickly glances your direction. Normally he would have turned red as a beet, but instead a small smile creeps on to his face. "You're staring." He says matter of factly, still smiling.

Impressed by his new confident demeanor, you decide to muster up the same confidence.

"If you didn't want me staring, you shouldn't have dressed up to look so darn good."

You catch a glimpse of redness on his face at your statement. You laugh to yourself, glad to still have the shy Spencer around when you want him.

"I didn't say I minded."  He states, smiling while keeping his eyes glued on the road.

Confident Spencer has caught you off guard once again, but you don't want to let that show.

"You're kind of a flirt, you know? Where did that come from?"

He just shrugs and laughs. Your eyes meet for a brief moment, bringing your attentions to the electricity filling the space between the two of you. It's a good thing he's driving, because his attention quickly shifts back to the road. After awhile he parks along a dimly lit street and exits the car, rushing over to open your door before you get the chance. He offers you his harm once again, helping you to stand as you try not to step on your dress.

"M'lady" he says with a cheesy smile.

You can't help but laugh. He's so corny, and you love every moment of it. He leads you to the entrance of what appears to be a theater or music hall of some sort.

"Did you get the times wrong maybe? There's no one else here. Pretty sure it's closed, Spence." You say, brow furrowed as you search for signs of other people.

He gives you a look that you can't quite read, confidence and amusement perhaps, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a set of keys. He unlocks the door and leads you inside. He leads the two of you  through a dark lobby, as if he knows exactly where he's headed. You're grateful, considering you can barely see but a few feet in front of you. You're still unable to determine exactly where he's brought you or why. You can see light crawling out from under a set of ornate wooden doors not too far in front of you.

He pushes to doors open to reveal a beautiful, aged theater. All the lights are on, curtains drawn, string lights draped from the ceiling. It reveals its age and history with every creak of the floor boards, each carving of the railings. The warm glow that fills the room leaves you feeling giddy. You have no idea why he brought you here, but my heart is already racing from excitement. You run your hand along the ornate design carved into the railings as you make your way into the room, taking in every detail.

Your attention is soon drawn to the stage at the front of the room. There, sitting under the spotlight, is a beautiful grand piano. Glossy black with pearly white keys. In front of it sits a piano bench, covered in a deep red velvet. You turn to look at Spencer for the first time since entering the room, curiosity and excitement showing on your features. He's got a mysterious smile that tells you he has a plan.

[chanelhamitlon]

but its always been you|| Thomas Jefferson x Reader

word count: 1550

warnings: cusing, lack of proofreading, mentions of death

A/N: my first Thomas fic🙈 (Modern AU like most of them) Idk how collage works pls 😭

Inspiration: Youuu - COIN (its really good omg)

QUICK NOTE: the cuts are usually to switch between y/n and thomas

tell me if you wanna be in my permanent tag list :))

Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders.

"Jefferson,Thomas". He walked up the stage to receive his much deserved diploma. Four years of extensive studying just for this moment. He looked at the crowd and as if the world suddenly stopped. He focused on this one person. She had a camera up to her face, her hair glistening in the daylight. He looked like her as if he had seen a ghost. He snapped out of it as she lowered her camera. His girlfriend, of course. She smiled at him as the announcer calls on the next graduate. He walked down and towards her. Now that he thinks about it, he'd gaze out to her like this multiple times now, but he feels this is not because of her herself. He saw someone else in her. A high school sweetheart perhaps. He might've seen the gold flakes in her e/c colored eyes as he did with Y/n. He was sure he had long forgotten about her. She was special, sure but as high school sweethearts go, they stay in high school. He was convinced the countless exes he'd have were all to drown out her calling out for him once more. Just one more time at least. He'd like to think that moving to the other side of the world also helped with the cause. That was his number one priority; to forget about the one year they spent together.

You always thought that it wasn't anyone's fault that you and Thomas broke up. It was just not in anyones best interest to keep it going after high school and if the feelings last, he'd always say that he will find you. You lost faith that he'd come back of course. Whatever goes on in high school, stays in high school. You would go on several dates with people in college but you would always find yourself comparing them to Thomas. You focused on your studies, everyone telling you that you were smart; 'If only they knew how much I know about the things that really matter'.

You look at the clock '12:34 am'. Graduation was tomorrow or later. You were trying to fall asleep, and quickly at that, but you can't refrain from overthinking. Every scenario running through your head in a fast pace. Every outcome possible, you could have saved that relationship. Were you thinking of going back to New York to find him? It was nice as it is in California. You had your essentials, a good connection to your family online, but it was never really enough. You needed him.

The day came through fast paced. You would think that one of the most important milestones in live would be savored by time, running slowly. It was the opposite, time was never forgiving of you, years came by in a glimpse. You still felt like a kid, just not now. Graduation had such a surreal feeling to it, no one was never obliged to finish school of course, but you would think that something this sentimental would finally saturate the world with colors.

At the bus ride to downtown San Fransisco, your mind drifted off with ease. The music flowing to your ears made you feel like you were in a music video, those artsy kinds who would always try to incorporate daily life then proceed with a shot of a glamorous mansion. A song comes on, one of your favorites actually, Youuu by COIN.

' She moves just like you

She tastes like you

But its always been youuu...'

They say that music with certain themes will always trigger memories, flowing back to your brain. Even the ones you could have sworn you have forgotten. Thomas springs in to mind. He was a player in high school, of course he would have found someone new by now. That year was still pretty vivid to you though. All the sneaking around, all your firsts, the mini get togethers turned dates. You remember everything.

"Hey do you want to go out on Saturday?"Thomas' voice echoes through the walls of the almost room. He was staying with his girlfriend for the meantime since her parents were to insist on them 'not spending money on property' yet. Although Thomas was to never have a problem with money, his family was filthy rich at that. He was still deciding whether to stay here, with his girlfriend, in the suburbs, content with a stable income job; or to his family in New York City, a corporate job, and maybe even to you.

"What's the occasion?" Her voice sweetly said. Running her hands through his curls. "I wanna see you dance again." He said with a light chuckle. She laughed, "Come on... I don't dance THAT bad". He enjoyed moments like this. He truly did. The light touching and cuddling, just enjoying each others presence. He knew that she was human and he was truly sorry. He was sorry that she was being played like a pawn in the game of life. He was sorry that this was temporary. He was sorry that he was looking for someone. And he is sorry that that sorry that that someone wasn't her. They both noticed that the vinyl record had stopped playing. She stood up and changed the track record. Thomas sat up and looked at her. Her back was faced towards him. 'Even her silhouette reminds him of you' . The decision is clear then.

You started working a minimum wage job to pay the bills. You live in an apartment, sharing a space with your roommate, Reese. She was kind enough as it is, you both treated each other like family. She got you through when you were looking for a job. Now paying her back, you got her a little cake to celebrate her birthday. Going home from the cake shop, you stopped your tracks to see a rather tall man in the street, he was talking to someone on his phone. 'It couldn't possibly be him'. You wanted to think rationally at that moment, but you were overtaken by your emotions. You lightly tapped his shoulder. He turned around to reveal a completely different person. You quickly apologized to the person. You weren't lying to yourself at this point, you were pretty devastated that it wasn't him.

Unlocking your apartment door, you heard mild sobs in the far left to you. That was your roommate's room. You closed the door and headed straight to her door. Knocking three times, you opened the door to a disheveled Reese, frantically grabbing tissues.

"What happened?" You were still going to approach her, mildly forcing her into toxic positivity. You were ready to listen to her. "I'm moving out." In your role as her roommate, this was the only thing that should concern you, but you were close and so you thought that something had happened at home. "My dad died. I'll move home and live there from now on." You understand completely that that was what she needed to do. You offer to help her on countless things of course. That night was one of the gloomiest in the apartment. You slowly watched her pack away most of her stuff, sulking away most days, above all that, conversation halted and was now a thing of the past.

"Have you made your decision yet?" Trying to make conversation at dinner, Thomas' girlfriend asked him to whether they would actually last or not. Long distance never really works for anyone, might as well rip the band-aid off now. Thomas looked like he was burried in a million thoughts, he looked at her apathetically, without an answer. They ate away the evening, they were the opposite of this lively restaurant. She looked at him, wanting to ask him more; what's are you thinking is at risk? what's weighing your shoulders down? is there 'a someone'?

Just as Thomas was to suggest leaving the restaurant and just saying sorry for the melancholy he brought to the evening, she stood up and suggested a dance. 'That's what they came for anyway.' He gladly accepted and took the lead, whisking her away to the dance floor. There were about 3 other couples around them, lost in their own world. He wants to think rationally, he doesn't want to loose his mind and let his emotions seep through his walls. They were slow dancing now. 'She really feels like y/n'.

"Who's y/n and why do I feel like her?"

Thomas froze. He accidentally said it out loud. There's no stoping it now, just tell her the truth; rip the band aid off.

"She's a girl I used to date in high sc-"

"Every relationship in high school stays in high school Thomas. grow up"

Thomas didn't know what to say.He didn't know why that sentiment ticked him off that way. He didn't know why his body was suddenly in flames. He didn't know what to say so all he did was run; run far away. She didn't understand. If you would've explained where you came from she would. No, she wouldn't.

Just before they reach the car she caught up to him. He turned around looking so distraught.

"Ive made up my mind."

part 2 👀?

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 9/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Sorry for taking so long to upload! I've had a hard week but everything is fine. Here we are - the end! Wanna know something interesting? There was actually going to be more to this story. Like, we were gonna get more flashbacks from when Brie and Juju went to college. There they would meet Tatianna, who was a badass feminist. And she'd be the one to help Brianna with her glow up. But the story was already going on too long and I couldn't fit any of it in.

Also I was going to go down a completely different route for the story. If any of you have actually seen the music video for Gimme Love by Joji, it ends on a more darker tone. And that's how I was gonna do it with this fic as it was based on it. But I just couldn't do it.

So I hoped you guys enjoyed it. I know I didn't get a lot of reads on it, but I'm glad knowing it was recieved by some. Anyway, on with chapter 9!

Major TW's for this chapter: Alcohol, mental health discussion.

2020

It was the day of the pre-party. It was going to be held at my place. I was prepared for possible drunkenness, embarrassing moments, but celebrations of everything we had accomplished. This was something I had worked my ass towards for so long, and it was finally happening.

I smiled, proud that I had finally punched myself in the face (figuratively, of course). I opened my eyes and saw how easy it was to rekindle with Mom. I was scared about seeing her in a few weeks, knowing we'd have to talk about my issues. But I knew now. If I didn't, I would just continue to get worse and worse.

On top of that, the Ed Sheeran problem was over and done with. His team understood fully, and he was set to perform at the launch.

And finally, I would meet Blair again. And it would be different this time. I wouldn't be the shy, insecure teenager she had always seen me as.

However, despite all these promising signs, my smile dropped. I imagined this morning playing out entirely differently.

Jujubee would be the first person to message me. Fuck, she'd probably even break in just to make sure I was up.

None of that happened. I know one should manage their expectations better. But it still hurt.

After two cups of coffee, some soggy cereal and a shower, I tried calling her. It rang a few times but went straight to voicemail mail.

I didn't bother leaving another message. I didn't wanna freak her out.

I probably wasn't helping my case. She probably thought I was relying on her, that she was life support for me.

But that wasn't the case. I mean, I couldn't just stand up and be like, "OK later, bitch," after practically growing up together. How could I just let go of someone I held so dear to my heart?

My eyes travelled across the kitchen, at first only her disappointment during our argument, how I had never seen her so angry.

On the counter, beside the fridge, there was my memory box.

What would Grandpa say in this situation?

Remember how I would write things he'd say to me? Just little bits and pieces of advice as something I could hold on to? I gave it to Mom to put it away for me. It had to be in the box.

I stood up, the stool making a scraping sound along the ground.

But a knock at the door tore my attention away.

Why did I hope it would be her?

Well, because it wasn't out of the ordinary for her to come and visit in the morning. Maybe this was it. I was forgiven.

I rushed to the door with the slight fear that if I wasn't fast enough, I'd miss her.

I unlocked the door and flung it open, a smile on my face, ready to greet her.

5 people were standing there; the decorators. I tried not to let my smile falter as I let them in.

-_-_-_-

8PM and my place had never looked livelier. For my first time hosting a party, it didn't feel like there was much hosting to do.

It felt like any other party I had been to, a room crowded with people dancing or talking to each other.

The music wasn't too loud, so the disorientation wasn't there.

I held back from drinking with the fear of doing something embarrassing, especially around Blair.

My bathroom was still clean when I went to apply a fresh coat of gloss. Good. Nothing to worry about.

I made my way back downstairs to the party, crossing the barrier at the bottom. The only place off-limits to the guests was upstairs. I'd hate to think there would be some people who'd want private time, especially in my bed. It happened at college once.

After a small party in our dorm, I found a couple midst coitus in my bed. Never again, I had said.

"Brianna!"

My head whipped in the direction of the voice, every bit of hope I had inside building up.

"You look stunning." A raven-haired woman approached.

"Thank you," I said in more of a questionable form. My brain couldn't figure out who this was.

"My name is Raja. I'm a writer for Cosmo," that explained it, "I was wondering if I could ask a few questions for a piece I'm doing. It's on the most influential women of the year."

I wanted to say no in the case I missed the arrival of Blair.

As if she read my thoughts, she spoke again. "It won't even be five minutes."

She was right about that. 15 minutes it lasted. We were locked in my bathroom, the four walls making the place feel cramped.

She asked me questions about how I reached this level, my morning routine, and what I put in my hair to make it so voluptuous. And all the while, I just kept fearing that Blair had arrived. That she had searched around for me and left when she couldn't find me anywhere. I would discreetly glance at my watch, hoping too much time didn't pass. But around 5 minutes in, I didn't care for subtlety. Not that Raja noticed. The questions seemed endless.

When she turned her recorder off, she further complimented my outfit. I thanked her, inching my way to the door. This lasted another 3 minutes.

She said I was a tiny woman with a lot of heart. I held back from saying I was a tiny woman with a lot of baggage.

When I finally escaped, I searched the place for Blair, and when I didn't find her, the panic started.

"Did anyone come in in the last 15 minutes??" I asked the workers hanging by the door.

"Yeah, there were 2 people. And I've never seen them around work. Could be anyone, Brie." They said with worry in their tone.

"OK, was one of them a girl? Blonde hair. Around my age?" I questioned further.

They glanced at each other for clarification, then looked back at me and shook their heads.

"Nope. Just two guys." One said.

"Probably on a pussy hunt at their local party." The other said.

"Or dick hunt."

"Or both."

"Nah, how would they even get in?"

Realising this was not Blair they were talking about, I thanked them and excused myself.

So she wasn't here yet. That's fine. Probably just running late.

I gave in and had one glass of champagne. Just to calm my nerves.

And the last person I wanted to see started to approach.

Ed fucking Sheeran. He raised a glass to celebrate and thanked me for the hotel room we paid for. I said it was no problem. And just as he was about to suggest some pictures for his Instagram, I quickly navigated away.

But I was caught by another person who just so happened to be Joey.

"I am so glad you changed your mind about the whole Ed thing. Like...girl…" he sipped his own drink.

"Yeah, it was easier than I thought." I shrugged. "Kinda feel awkward being in his presence now, though."

"I'll distract him if you want. British guys are kinda cute." Joey smirked.

I tsked, cocking my head at him. "Joey, you didn't like the guy a few weeks ago."

"I never said I didn't like him." He smirked.

"I mean, you can try." I rolled my eyes, a small smile appearing on my own face, "don't expect it to go anywhere."

Joey winked and brushed past me, making his way in Ed's direction.

Setting my glass down in my sink, I made my way to the bathroom just to check my lip gloss. A woman couldn't be too careful.

Once inside, I felt cramped again despite being alone. Maybe it was the underlying feeling of worry from being trapped in the room with Raja.

I told myself to breathe but then questioned why I was even doing such an exercise. Everything was fine. Life was good.

Looking in the mirror, my gloss was fine. But I applied a new coat anyway, just a reassurance.

And upon leaving, I set out in search of Blair again. She had to be here, just somewhere lost amongst this large amount of people.

Maybe she found someone else to talk to. Maybe not.

I moved to the balcony, the cool night air a relief.

But she wasn't there either.

I sighed, wanting a cigarette or something. Anything to calm the rising panic I was feeling inside.

I closed the door and moved further into the night, peering over the balcony and out into New York. The twinkling lights were pretty. I took a picture and sent it to my Mom. And in a few seconds, she started calling me.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hi, baby. I just thought I'd see how things are going." She asks, sounding pretty optimistic.

"I mean... it's OK, I guess. A bit crowded at my place right now." I replied.

"You nervous for tomorrow?" I hear the mischief in her voice.

She believed I'm not nervous, that I was a confident, strong woman. But she was wrong. "Of course I am. I mean, we've gone through all the precautions, so it should be fine. But still…"

"Well, baby, I promise you, everything will work out fine. It's you we're talking about."

I smiled, trying to teach my brain to agree with her.

"I would say I'd have a drink for you, but I'm trying to keep away from it tonight." Even though that was a lie.

"Yeah, you don't wanna go do something embarrassing like flashing anyone or whatever." She laughs.

"Wow. I didn't realise that was something I did." I quipped sarcastically.

"How about Jujubee?" I could still hear her smile.

But mine slowly dropped. Fuck, I had no idea. Immediately I stood back from the balcony. "Ugh...yeah, she's fine. She's good."

I moved to the door and looked past the glass at the large number of people. Fuck, I didn't even know if she was inside.

"Am I gonna get to see a picture of your outfits? You two always look like the stars of a party."

"Yeah," I faked a small laugh. "I'll go find her and get a picture. I'm gonna get back inside, OK?"

"No problem, baby. Love you."

"I love you too." I clicked end call and quickly made my way back inside.

How the fuck had I forgotten about her so quickly? Not like she was in my mind that morning or anything.

Now I had to find 2 people. I rushed inside, looking out for both of them. I checked the kitchen, dining area, lounge, the bathroom. Fuck, I even checked upstairs in the case Jujubee was there.

But there was no sign.

Where the fuck was she? Where was Blair?

It was getting harder to hold down the anxiety. Was Jujubee right about Blair? Was this another instance of my childhood crush getting my hopes up and flaking out?

The next drink tray I saw, my hand went straight for another glass. Two wouldn't hurt.

"Hey, you made it!" I heard from the front of the room, by the door.

I quickly downed the champagne and practically ran for it, too afraid to miss who had arrived.

Just as my hopes were quickly up, they fell just as fast. It was just Alex, Joey hugging him at the door.

"Fuck...Fuck...Fuck…" I whispered to myself.

A third glass of champagne found its way into my hand, and in a matter of seconds, it was down the hatch. I grimaced at the taste now, feeling like I could throw up at any second. Was that all just the anxiety, though?

Another bathroom break, I was fixing my gloss once again, scared to ruin my makeup. My hands were trembling. Fuck.

It wasn't stopping.

Back out in the main room, I tried to scan the crowd, standing on my tiptoes to try and see past everyone. It didn't help much.

Despite the music and rambling chatter happening around me, I heard the front door open, my eyes shot in its direction.

I struggled to move past a small group of coworkers, trying to get a good view of the door.

I didn't even get my hopes up this time. And, of course, it wasn't Blair.

Jujubee was right. Blair wasn't coming. Once again, she had led me on to believe I did mean something to her and that she'd give us a chance.

My hand gripped my scalp, turning away from the door. I growled, "Fuck," which didn't go unnoticed.

There was Nina with a hand on my arm. "Are you OK?"

"Yes." I lied so quickly. "I'm fine. Just... it's a little crowded in here," I fidgeted with my hands, "Is Jujubee here?"

"Yeah, you haven't seen her?" Nina raised a brow, rubbing her hand up and down my bicep.

"No." My eyes looked around briefly. "Where is she??"

"I dunno. She's you're best friend." Nina squinted her eyes. She didn't mean to sound accusatory. I guessed she was more concerned.

"She is." I reaffirmed, even though now I wasn't so sure.

"If it helps, the last place I saw her was the kitchen."

"When?"

"Half an hour ago."

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "She could be anywhere."

"Girl, it's fine. Not like we're in a labyrinth. You'll find her eventually." Nina smiled, rubbing my arm again.

I paid her no more heed and hurried towards the kitchen in the hope I'd find her there. But like the rest of my apartment, it was crowded. I stood on my toes again to try and catch a glimpse of black hair.

But there was no sign. Stressed, a shaking hand reached for another champagne. Usually, my tolerance for alcohol was high, but right now, I was feeling it. I was wavy.

In my now weary state of mind, I decided what was the fucking point? Blair had 100% flaked, as per usual, and Jujubee was obviously avoiding me at all costs.

Nina had followed me, taking my hand. "Follow me."

I didn't fight it. She moved to the staircase, pulled back the barrier and let me pass through.

She ushered me to walk up to the top before moving no further.

Turning towards the crowd beneath us, Nina addressed the people with a raised tone. "Can we have your attention, please?"

The people went quiet, beaming up at us.

Nina talked about how much of a good night it was, all while the alcohol was taking me over.

My eyes scanned the crowd, in the final chance of hope, wanting nothing more than to see Jujubee's glowing smile shining up at me.

But I couldn't. Not because I had double vision. But because she was nowhere.

I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing hard out through my nose.

Nina put her hand on my shoulder. And only then did I realise that I had blacked out, missing everything she said. I blinked a few times, trying to clear the film that had glazed my brown eyes.

"But we all wouldn't be here without our leading lady." She smiled warmly. "Everything she's achieved, it's all brought us to this moment. Let's raise a glass to Miss Brianna Caldwell."

Everyone started cheering, only a few raising a toast, the others clapping. My eyes widened, feeling all those eyes on me.

"Hope you have a speech prepared," Nina whispered in my ear.

And me, being the queen of saying just 3 lines and quickly evacuating the scene, decided no. Fuck it. I had something to say.

When the crowd began to settle down, I began to deliver the messiest speech ever.

"Well, funny you should mention achievements, Nina, because, yeah, I'm standing here before you all, having done the impossible. But what does that matter?" I laughed, shrugging. "Yeah, it does matter a whole fucking deal. I mean, look at you all. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't?" I laughed awkwardly again, but as I continued, my smile began to disappear. "Well, sometimes you just want a certain someone to give a shit. And they make you believe that they do. Just for like 5 minutes. And it feels so so fucking incredible. It feels like...like you matter. You're not just plain old Brianna Caldwell. You mean the world to them…" My tone dropped, "And then...you realise you're the most gullible, unaware, stupid fucking idiot in the world. They don't really give a fuck about you. They don't see all the things that you've achieved in life and think…' Wow...What an incredible person.' They just... don't give a fuck about you."

Everybody looked confused, uneasy even, while others giggled. Glad to know I was serving as the entertainment for the night, and I was in the same room as Ed fucking Sheeran.

Then, as if some higher power looked at me with a shaking head, maybe my grandpa, there was a glimmer of light at the back of the room, a flash of movement. And my eyes were drawn to the source.

My heart stopped

There she was. Finally. Blair St. Clair smiling apologetically at the few people who were looking at her. They smiled back as they should. She was breathtaking.

And her eyes moved to where everyone else was looking.

Right at me.

Such a familiar feeling was falling over me.

Everyone else in the room. Gone. Like they just stepped into another world, leaving the two of us in this reality.

She panted, out a breath, like she had run to my place. Impossible, she looked like an absolute angel in her gold wrap dress.

Nina nudged me. I snapped out of my daze, reminded of the whole crowd of people looking up at me with confused stares.

Fuck...what do I say now? How do I backtrack?

"But...you know what?" I started to speak again. "You realise, you're just overthinking again. 'Cause, that's a very on-brand thing for you. Every little incident of the past has taught you to doubt that good things actually can happen to you." My smile was returning. "Because the people who give a shit are there. Because you've done the impossible. And they couldn't be happier to be part of your story." My eyes were moving through the crowd, "Do what makes the ones around you proud, and what makes you fucking proud. And don't let anyone or anything hold you the fuck back. Because you have a purpose."

Thank fuck for the fact everyone started cheering again. I thought I had fucking bombed that I would see a recording of the same speech the following day all over Twitter, along with comments about how dramatic it was.

But it was fine. I saved it. I smiled at everyone and hugged Nina, suddenly overcome with happiness.

"Fuck you for not telling me you were gonna drag me up here," I whispered in her ear.

"Well, if I had asked you in the first place, you would have said no, honey." Nina grinned.

We pulled apart, and my eyes went back to the front door. I smiled, expecting to see Blair. But she had vanished. Fuck, I hadn't imagined her, right?

I tried to carefully make my way down the stairs without tripping, ready to look for her once again.

And upon reaching the bottom, Joey grabbed my hand and pulled me close, "someone on the balcony requires your attention."

He winked, and the butterflies in my belly went mad.

She was playing games with me. Not a very Blair St Clair thing to do, but the thought excited me.

I hurried to the balcony, ready to feel that cool air on my skin, her warm body pressed against mine.

And just as I was passing through the doors, feeling the cooling breeze, I stopped dead in my tracks.

I froze.

This wasn't what I expected; seeing her standing there, only noticing how radiant she looked in her orange suit dress.

Fuck. It felt so long since I had last seen her.

But it had been only a few days.

"Hi, Juju," I spoke quietly.

"Hey," she inhaled her cigarette, looking out to the city. If she hadn't replied to me, I would have guessed she failed to realise I was even there.

I swallowed, my eyes glancing down to the ground for a moment. The alcohol in my system was telling me to just turn and leave her alone. She didn't wanna see me.

But my brain said, "you idiot, she obviously invited you out here."

So I moved forward, rubbing the backs of my arms nervously.

I stood beside her, not even daring to look her in the eye. I looked at her orange suit, how Mom would have adored it.

"You invited me out here." I leaned my elbows on the ledge, my gaze following hers over the twinkling lights of New York.

"Yeah, I did." She did offer me a cigarette, but still, she never looked at me.

I shook my head, declining her offer, "Why didn't you just come and ask me yourself?"

"I was dying for a cigarette." She breathed out a stream of smoke. "Also, I've already spent most of the night trying to find you."

I couldn't help but breathe out a laugh through my nose. I glanced at her and was glad to see the smirk appear on those lips.

"I've been trying to fucking find you." I continued to laugh, a crack to my tone, however.

She finally looked at me, turning her body to face me. Her brows were knit together, yet the smirk remained. "No. I," she stressed, "have been trying to find you."

"So...what have I been doing for the past...I dunno, few hours?" I raised a brow. "Did I take 10 hits of acid earlier, or did I not search this place from top to bottom?"

She gave me a hopeless smile like she knew there was no point in arguing. She sucked on the cigarette, offering it to me.

I gave in, taking it from her hand, my fingers touching hers with a light touch. Her eyes moved to our hands as if she was thinking about it too. The feeling like this was a moment we needed to remember.

I took a drag on the cigarette, passing it back. She looked away, briefly turning her gaze to the ground.

But I kept my eyes on her like I'd never get another chance. "I really miss you, Juju," I spoke quietly, almost through a whisper.

She looked at me again. Her mouth moved around slightly yet remained closed like she wanted to say something. But she couldn't figure out what it was she was going to say.

I reached out, took her hand in mine. She seemed taken aback at first. But as my thumb stroked against the soft skin of her hand, a small smile began to resurface.

"There are…" she paused, "things that I would love to say to you. But I just... I'm afraid."

"Is it bad? Come on, Juju. You can tell me. You can tell me anything. I mean, we've grown up together. We've always told each other everything."

She looked apprehensive before taking another drag from her cigarette. And stubbing it out in the ashtray, she turned towards me once again.

She looked ready to say it. Whatever it was. I didn't even know the words yet. But I could tell this would mean a lot to her.

The muffled sound of the many people behind the closed glass doors became clearer, amplified even. Jujubee looked in its direction. My eyes followed.

"Blair," I uttered.

She looked slightly taken aback like she didn't know how to react to seeing us.

Jujubee dropped her hand to her side, a small puff of air leaving her nostrils.

"Jujubee." A smile appeared on Blair's face as she finally approached us both. "I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Likewise." Jujubee nodded slowly. She glanced at me, and I reciprocated.

Before I could figure out her exact emotion. But now, she was hard to read once again. My brows knit together, telepathically questioning what she was feeling.

Jujubee looked back at Blair. "Talk about awful timing though, I was just leaving." Jujubee smiled back at her.

Blair's smile was disappearing. "Oh." She paused, unable to say anything else.

"You don't have to go, Jujubee." I took her hand once again, stroking my thumb over her skin another time, just to remind her of the tender moment we were just having.

She smiled again, but only now, I knew the true words behind it. She pulled her hand away. "Early rise, actually. Gotta get up and ready for the big day tomorrow, right?" She raised her brows at me. Then she looked at Blair, "It was nice seeing you," and then back to me once more, "I hope you have a good night, Brie."

She averted her eyes, not even sparing me another glance. The clacking of her heels was deafening, each step away causing something inside to sting.

"It was nice seeing you again," Blair said before Jujubee could make it through the doors.

I heard a mumbled "yeah, yeah," before Jujubee went back inside.

My gaze still followed her, watching as she navigated the crowd.

"Did she...seem off to you?" Blair asked quietly.

"Yeah," I said without thinking. "I just...I don't know what's wrong with her...I can't...work it out…" my eyes never left the door, hoping Jujubee would reappear.

And feeling Blair's soft hand in mine, I was brought back to reality. I looked at her, seeing the concern in her eyes. Fuck, what a great way to reunite.

"Is something going on?" She asked softly.

I shook my head frantically, "N-No. We're fine...I guess I'm just overreacting. Yeah, she's just been...really busy with everything."

"That's probably true." She shrugged, glancing at the door, "Well, actually, I haven't seen what goes behind the public eye, but I bet it's taxing." Blair was facing me again, her eyes widening briefly.

I let out a small laugh, "Oh, you have no idea." And only then did I get a real chance to take her in. The girl had not changed. Well, call me corny, but she only got more radiant looking.

"I didn't think you'd come," I spoke with a hushed tone.

"Sorry, I was late. I couldn't get a cab for ages." She gave a half-smile. "I guess New York really is that kind of place."

"Fuck, I didn't think about traffic. I could have got you a driver or something. "I started rambling.

"No, it's OK. I'm here now anyway." Her eyes looked me up and down, "you look great, by the way. Pink always was your colour."

Funny how the last time she gave me a compliment, I shut her down. But now, I couldn't bring myself to do so. "Thank you."

I wasn't expecting her to hug me, but she did. It was very welcoming. If I could rate it out of 10, I'd give it a 9. Why the missing point? Cause she pulled away too soon. I needed that time, just to soak up the moment.

My arm was still around her waist when she put a hand to my face.

"It's so good to see you." She beamed, the city lights reflected in her eyes.

"You wanna go upstairs? We'll hear better up there. And it's kinda chilly out here." I hoped she didn't find that creepy or like I was suggesting something because that was not my intention, believe it or not.

I almost jumped, the sound of her sweet voice dragging me out of the storm that was my inner ramblings. "What about your party?" She looked over her shoulder at all the guests behind the closed doors."

"They'll be fine," I said too quickly.

"Oh. Well, if you say so."

She didn't find that weird. Good. I finally pulled my arm from her body but took her hand instead, leading her into the apartment.

I ignored the side glances we received, too focused on her presence behind me. Still so in disbelief that for once, she hadn't flaked out. She really did give a fuck. Walking up the stairs, I only noticed how my vision had cleared. I no longer felt drunk. Had it just been a quick rush of nausea that left me feeling so weary before? Or had the shock of seeing Blair literally walk into my life again shocked me so much to the point it sobered me up?

"Here we go," I said quietly, welcoming her into the upper level.

"Wow, you got another living room up here." Blair's wandering eyes landed on the couch.

"Yeah. The one downstairs is for fucking business and parties. And this one," I gestured to where she was looking, "is for hanging out mostly, and…" Why did I have to be so nervous?

"Hookups?" She looked at me with raised brows and a smirk.

I laughed nervously, moving to the fake fireplace and turning it on. Why didn't I just say no? She probably thought I was a slut or something. "Sit down if you want. Do you want a drink? I'd love a fucking drink right now."

"Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though." She replied, sitting down on the sofa and relishing the feeling of it.

"I need some fucking water." I rushed to the mini-fridge and pulled out a bottle.

Turning back to face Blair, she was looking at me in confusion. "You OK?"

"What?" That was all I thought to reply with.

"You seem kind of…" she paused, trying to figure out her words, "on edge."

"I do?" My hands played with the water bottle.

"Yeah, you've included the word 'fucking' in every sentence since we got up here." She allowed herself to smirk.

Subliminal, Blair. I like it.

Fuck, I dragged my mind out of the gutter and practically rushed to the couch. "Oh, it's just...tomorrow. The nerves, you know." I sat on the other end of the sofa, took a gulp of water and made myself comfortable.

Blair turned to face her body towards me. "Am I wrong, or was Ed Sheeran downstairs??"

"Yeah, he was. It's kind of a long story, actually." I laughed. "You a fan?"

"No, not really," Blair replied.

"Good, me neither. Not really into the whole wedding dance song vibe."

"Me too." She groaned, "If I hear Thinking out loud at another wedding, girl, I'm just...I dunno."

"I get it. 100%"

"Well, enough about him," Blair sat up straight, a bright smile on her face. She laughed for a moment before even speaking, "Fuck, I was just about to ask what you've been up to." She gestured a hand around the room, "I mean, duh."

"Yeah," I returned the laugh, "It's pretty much just that. This project has taken up most of my life over the years."

"God, I remember reading in the paper...fuck, I can't remember the exact title. It was this tiny article just squashed into a corner. 'Scientist seeks to prove the existence of other realities.' Yeah, it was something like that. And…" She shrugged, "I just knew it was you. And, I knew you'd go far."

I felt the blush creep onto my skin. Hearing this from Blair felt otherworldly.

"I mean, I knew before. When you told me at Prom, I knew you'd be able to do it." She added.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Just hearing how you talked about it. Like, you really believed in yourself. It made me believe too." She swapped around the legs she crossed.

"It was hard. Trying to get people on board with everything. Not a lot of people believed it was even possible in the beginning." I unscrewed the cap from the bottle of water. "And now look at me; I got the government behind this whole thing." I shrugged and took a sip of the water. Before she could go on, I took the conversation on another route. "But what about you? Where are you in life?"

I knew where she was in life. Hadn't I Facebook stalked her not too long before?

"Well, it sounds far fetched, but I'm trying to get into the music scene." Blair sat back in her seat, eyes wandering off, looking at nothing in particular.

"You always did like performing," I noted. "Starting out in the school playgrounds. Soon you'll be playing an Arena with a sold-out show."

Did I sound cheesy? Was I too much of a kiss ass? Because to me, this was honesty. I always thought Blair had the potential to be a famous singer. She had the voice, the looks, style and personality. Who wouldn't want her as part of their label?

Fuck, it only hit me that I could have gotten her a spot to perform at the event.

Blair had stood, a small sigh emitting her lips. "An Arena? Imagine that." She smirked for a moment, stepping away from the couch. For a hot second, I thought I had stepped on territory I shouldn't have, and she was leaving. But she made her way to the window, staring out over New York. So I naturally went too. "Well, I've just been singing around bars for a while now, even had 2 gigs. Nothing too amazing." She explained. "I mean, I know you say Arena and all, but, actually, I wouldn't wanna be that big. I just...want people to hear my music."

Her smile faltered somewhat, and it spoke volumes. It wasn't happening fast enough for her, the growing number of ears that would someday listen to her words. She wanted it all now.

I sidestepped a bit closer. My fingers were so close to brushing against hers, then stopping myself in realising that was too much. "It does take time, these things. I mean, I didn't get here overnight. It will happen, Blair." She flashed me a gracious smile, and I was glad she didn't find any of that condescending. That was not my aim. "Anyway, I'd love to hear your music."

"You would?" Blair cocked her head to the side, turning more to face me, her hand on the window cill closer to mine.

"Of course," I reply. She should've known that anyway.

"Well, I'm not gonna break out into song for you right now. But I have a few videos on my Facebook. You should add me." She suggested.

I had never opened Facebook so fast. "There. I sent you a request." I scrolled through her timeline, my back now to the window, "Lemme see."

"Oh, God. Please don't. Not right now." Blair panicked.

I lifted my gaze, my eyes almost wide. Blair St Clair, the girl who wasn't hesitant to approach a mic, was embarrassed. I found this to be adorable and oddly made me feel more relaxed. "Don't be shy, Blair. I'm sure they're great."

"Brianna, don't." No joke, Blair attempted to snatch my phone away like a child.

I found it highly amusing. "Why not?" I smiled mischievously.

Blair continued her protests, trying to swipe at the phone more and more, all while laughing nervously.

Eventually, my teasing led to a chase. I still scrolled her Facebook as I ran around the room, Blair behind me.

"Which one should I look out for?" I stood at one end of the couch.

Blair stood at the other end, letting out a pant. "Brianna, you better not."

I stepped to the right, throwing her off, and she ran to her left, ready to run straight at me and take the phone out of my hand.

But I tricked her. When I took that step to the right, I pulled back and moved to the left instead. And without thinking, I threw myself down on my bed.

Before I could even get up, Blair was already there, too, crawling towards me. She reached for my phone, still pleading with me to stop.

And finally, giving the current circumstances, I gave in. "OK, OK. You win. I won't play your music in front of you." I giggled mischievously, shuffling so my back was against my headboard. "You're gonna have to remind me to check it out, though."

Blair remained at the bottom of my bed, kicking her heels off and folding them like a pretzel. It was as if we were teenagers again, catching up on all the hanging out we never got to do. She fluffed out her hair, "God, Brie, I came here to have a good time. Not to work out. Why are you still looking at your phone?"

Now that I was on her profile, scrolling back to the top, I saw a familiar picture. "Wow, this George guy's kind of cute."

Blair smiled warmly, her eyes looking upwards. And I had the slightest sinking feeling she was about to tell me this was her fucking lover or husband.

"Ah...George. What a guy." Blair blinked. "He does music too. If you like my stuff, then you'll like his too. He's got this song Gimme Love. It's my favourite."

"Is he your boyfriend?" There was no hesitation in asking.

Her brows briefly crossed. "What? No. He's one of my closest friends. Really helping me find places to perform. He's just...really cool."

I mouthed a silent 'Oh' before going on and cocking my head to the side, "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Was it normal to ask shit like this? Maybe it was. But considering I had confessed to her I liked her very much in that accidental message, perhaps I shouldn't have said it at all. Didn't want her getting sus.

I got the feeling she knew I was trying to find a way in as she raised a brow at me, the corners of her mouth turning upwards. "Nah, Brie. I'm done with boys."

I lowered my phone. That could have meant anything;

She was strictly into girls;

She had just gotten out of a bad relationship with someone, and she was going through that typical 'men are trash' phase;

She used the term 'boys' when referring to immature fuck boys who still thrived in toilet paper bombing people's houses and still fought with feminists online. She was now looking for 'a real man' who would love and respect her.

She wasn't speaking, just lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Before the silence could go on and get awkward, I shifted in my own spot. "Do you wanna elaborate on that?"

"Oh. Yeah, if you want to hear it." She said like she didn't want to, and before I could stop her, she went on, "Well, the last was Conrad. He cheated on me. Before him, there was Ethan. I found out he'd talk shit about me to all his meathead buddies, said that my ass wasn't big enough. Then Bryce with his superior attitude. And…" she sighed, "Fucking Trevor."

Just hearing his name did something to me. I could feel how my shoulders had tensed, how the breath got stuck in my throat for a moment. But my ability to talk was unaffected because I spoke up, "I remember you saying he was controlling." I moved away from my headboard, shuffling closer to her, so close she could have put her head in my lap if she wanted.

Blair nodded, "he was," she breathed out a sigh, "I can't believe I'm even admitting this, but after high school, I started seeing him again. He promised me he would change, that things would be different. And I always feel like such an idiot for believing him."

That was upsetting. My hand squeezed in a fist. "So, what was the final straw? The thing that made you end things for the last time?"

Blair took in a deep breath, rolling over onto her front and propping her head upon her hands. She looked up at me with sad eyes. "He was just the same, Brie. Always controlling me, telling me how to act, who I could and couldn't hang out with. He was like that from the beginning to the end. I mean, you remember how he reacted about that one sex-ed class? And that time, he yelled at me in front of everyone for not sitting with him at lunch one day?"

I had no idea about the last thing. And I wasn't even surprised. Trevor was that type of guy, and you just knew it within the first few minutes of meeting him.

I was curious to know, but I kind of already had a feeling. Yet, I needed clarification. "Is that why you never came back to the library? Because he knew people would talk if you were seen with the school loser?" She leaned up now, but I continued. "Is it why you never came to speak to me about the prom?"

Blair was just watching me in silence. But I could see it, the realisation in her face.

"Fuck." She sat up and moved closer to me. "Oh my gosh, Brianna. I am so sorry. I had...no idea it would hurt you." We were both face to face, and she put her hands on mine, her eyes apologetic. She cussed, briefly looking away. "Fuck, I knew you hated me. The years of silence, of course, you did."

"Wait, no. Stop. I'm sorry. I don't wanna make you feel like a bad person. That's not what I wanted to do." I said profusely, my hands tightening just slightly.

"No, no. I'm sorry. You have every right to be upset." She spoke quietly, her blue eyes pleading with me. "Just be honest with me. I owe you that. You deserve to be heard."

"Really, Blair, it's fine. It's - -"

"Brianna. You're upset. You're not really good at hiding it, no offence." She smirked at the last comment. But the smile disappeared, and she waited for my response.

I stared back at her, my gaze shifting between both those eyes. My mind debated what to do, refuse to say a thing and let it all continue to build up. Or vent years of pent up emotions that needed to be said.

I looked away, deciding the latter decision was probably the best. I really didn't want to, what with the risk of upsetting her.

But maybe she wouldn't.

But maybe she would.

But maybe…

Her hand left mine and swept a strand of hair away from my face. I didn't even know it was there. "You're really hurt, Brie," she spoke softly.

I looked back to her finally, her hand lowering back down. And I finally found my voice. "OK." I shifted in my spot, highly uncomfortable. Come on, Brie. Just tell her.

"Do you remember the prom? When you asked me how we never talked more?" Just say it. "Because I always felt inadequate. Like I wasn't enough for you. And, not just you, even my…" I paused, feeling the lump form in my throat, "...my parents. Ummm…" saying that out loud to her, it hit differently. My voice was cracking. "I always associated you with my parents. I don't know where the connection came from, and I know now that that's fucked up, and I know I probably should go to a therapist about that, but..." I quickly explained. "But yeah, I just...never felt enough. Like 'why would Blair the cheerleader want to associate with someone like me? How could Blair ever love someone like me??'"

Fuck, it just slipped out. I studied her face for a reaction, expecting her to back away.

But she didn't. She just nodded in understanding, squeezing my hand reassuringly.

"But, um...I know now. It wasn't that you didn't care. It was just...fucking Trevor." I practically growled that name.

Blair breathed out a laugh, rolling her eyes. "Fucking Trevor."

"Yeah, fuck that asshole," I allowed myself to smile before continuing on. "I just... didn't understand how hard that actually was for you."

"It was very hard. God, it bothered me so much because I really did have a soft spot for you, Brianna. I really did, ever since we were kids." Blair smiled warmly. "And that's why I'm so glad you replied to my message. After all these years."

I gulped, thinking about that damn message, and now seeing her loving smile. "Y-You didn't think it was weird?"

Blair sighed, yet her smile remained. "Brianna. Do you think I'd be sitting here if it was?" She moved her hand to my elbow, up my shoulder, caressing my cheek gently.

I almost said something. I couldn't even remember what it was. Not that it mattered because I didn't get the chance. The moment I had been waiting for, it was happening. Her face was moving closer to mine, eyes slowly closing. And as soon as I felt her lips brush against mine, the feeling of her touch caused the butterflies in my stomach to flutter. I closed my own eyes and accepted what was happening.

The kiss my teenage self craved, dreamed about even.

It was reality.

We hadn't just slipped into some other world.

This was real life. The feeling of her hand on my cheek, that was real. The butterflies in my stomach fighting against the walls, also real.

And how I lifted my hand and held her face, also real.

She pulled away first, but her lips were still close, "was that OK?"

"Yeah," I moved my face back towards hers, initiating another kiss. I was savouring every bit of this moment. The sweet taste of her was too much to not let go of.

But she pulled back again, letting herself fall back against the mattress. I stared at her for a few seconds. Fuck, this was happening. Something inside me was hesitant to do this. The nerves, the fear of not being enough for her.

Blair reached out for my hand, and I knew I was just overthinking again. I took her hand and allowed her to pull me down to her.

Lowering my face to hers, I kissed her again, more hungrily this time. For a second, I didn't know where to go from there, still so in disbelief that my luck had turned around.

When I pulled away, my hand travelling down the side of her face. "Oh my God...is this real?"

"Of course it is." Blair giggled, her hands roaming up and down my back.

"OK. Good!" I panted, moving my kisses to her cheek, then her neck, and I could feel my heart beating a bit faster.

But because I am Brianna Caldwell, the most awkward person to have ever lived, I had to go on with the questions. "Hey, Blair, can I ask you something?" I kept my lips where they were.

"Mhmm?" She purred when I kissed that point where her neck met her shoulder. The pathetic noise she made almost made me melt, I swear to God.

"Were you…" come on, Brie, just say it, "were you gonna kiss me at the prom?"

She chuckled, "Yeah. But Trevor had to be an insecure loser."

I appreciated the cute giggling sound she made.

I lifted my head away from her skin and leaned up. I looked at her with a raised brow.

Blair was smiling still, but I knew she was getting impatient.

"So...you like-liked me back then too? Even when I was ugly?" I asked.

"Brianna, you were never ugly." Blair's brows connected, a hand stroking up and down my side. She really was getting needy. "And yes. I always like-liked you. God, that's so cute. You still say like-like." She took my hands and guided them to the knot tight at the side of her wrap dress.

"Shut up. Fuck, you're so beautiful." My hands began to untie the knot while I lowered my face and kissed along her clavicle and the only bit of exposed chest I had access to.

"Fuck. If only you knew how long I wanted this." Blair mewled. "I didn't think this was ever gonna happen. Even when I saw you and Juju out on the balcony, I was like...fuck. I'm too late."

Confusion immediately took me over. I pulled back again, looking down at her. A brief flash of frustration appeared on her face, but I ignored it. "Wait. What?"

"Yeah, I just…" Blair looked away for a moment as if debating on continuing or not, "always saw how you were around her. Always so happy. Like you were on top of the world. And I just didn't want to get in the way of that."

Her hand was trailing along my thigh, but I ignored it.

"Wait...Jujubee?" I knew that's who she was talking about, but even the sound of her name, it made something inside hurt. Not a hurt that she caused. Something...so different yet familiar at the same time.

"Yes. I never saw you that happy around anyone else…" Blair leaned back, balancing against my propped knees. "I mean, the prom? The way you looked at me, it was nothing compared to when you're with her. With Jujubee, it was...always so different."

Realisation dawned on me. I knew what she was getting at.

I opened my mouth to speak, ready to say I didn't like Jujubee in that way. But the words wouldn't surface. No matter how much I willed myself, I just couldn't. Even the thought of saying it made that feeling of hurt feel 10 times worse.

"You OK?" Her fingers danced around my thigh again, only with more wanting now.

"But…" I began, "I gave you my Valentine's card in first grade."

Now she was silent, her gaze shifting between both my eyes. She leaned up on both elbows, realising my questions weren't going to stop, and her pussy wasn't going to be eaten any time soon. She gave a nervous laugh, "um, no. You gave it to Jujubee."

I squinted my eyes. "No. I gave it to you, Blair."

"Girl, you gave it to me, and when I asked if it was mine, you shouted at me, saying it was for Juju and you just wanted me to check it out." She was laughing again. But seeing my still confused face, her smile began to drop. "You don't remember that?"

I was silent for a moment. Blair was in front of me, the love of my life, but all I could see was the image of Jujubee in my head. Her perfect little face, the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she laughed, that bright smile, her silky black hair that always smelt so good.

I thought back, all the way back to that specific Valentine's Day. I remembered handing the card to Blair, her confused face, how the kids snickered as I stood there feeling sorry for myself. And Jujubee shouting at them all for making jokes.

But that was all.

"I... don't remember that," I spoke quietly, my eyes squinted.

"Not even the card she gave you?"

My eyes widened at that. "She did what?"

"Yeah, she gave you a card."

Now that she mentioned it, there was a flicker of an image in my head; something pastel pink. My tiny painted fingers holding a heart shape. Baby Brianna smiling, only to lift her head and see the other kids making fun.

"Oh, shit…" I whispered. I climbed off Blair and got up from the bed.

I was on the verge of pacing, my hand in my hair, "Oh my God."

"Don't be embarrassed, Brie." Blair was fully sat up in the bed now, her legs spread as if trying to beckon me back. "Not a lot of people can remember so far back."

I needed to prove if this was real or not. I'd call Jujubee. But then again, would she have even answered? If what Blair was saying was true, that explained why Jujubee was behaving the way she was. She was hurt. She was pissed because I didn't remember her card.

But how the fuck could I have forgotten something like that? All my life, that was all I ever wanted - to know I was loved by someone. Such a memory like that…

"Brie, are we...you know...gonna…" Blair spoke quietly.

My eyes widened. A memory like that. A memory that would be worth keeping.

I turned to face her. "Blair, wait here. I'll be right back."

"OK. Sure." Blair blinked a few times.

I wasted no time rushing downstairs. Taking a moment to observe the crowd, it seemed, quite a few guests had left already. At least it would make it easier to navigate.

I made my way to the kitchen. The memory box was still there. For a millisecond, I feared someone would have stolen it.

I took it to the counter, no one was around, so I felt safe enough to open it.

My nerves were wrecked as I lifted the latch to the box. I only had a small idea of the things that would be in here. Old photos, movie tickets, childhood drawings.

But I hadn't planned on opening it up so soon.

No. I needed to know the truth.

Opening it up, I saw a bunch of photos, tickets and pieces of folded up paper. I removed them, planning to possibly look at them at a later date.

The more I pulled out, the more confident I felt that Blair had got it all wrong. And she was the one who remembered things differently.

But there was a flash of pink at the bottom of the box. I gulped, pushing aside the scraps of paper burying it.

And there it was; A pastel pink heart-shaped card, 'Happy Valentines Day' writing in glitter gel pen on the front. "Shit…" I said quietly, pulling the card out.

Opening it up, I breathed out a puff of air.

'Dear Brianna, I know people in class are mean and say nasty things. But I think you are the prettiest girl in the world. Happy Valentine's day. Love from Juju xxx'

I could hear the younger version of myself reading it out loud, the insults from the other kids, Jujubee yelling at them because they were just jealous.

I put the card down as I realised Blair was right. And memories resurfaced, reading completely different.

That Valentines Day in which she refused to tell me who she had eyes for

That time she didn't invite me to stay for dinner.

How her smile would drop every time I mentioned Blair.

How I never danced with her at the prom

And finally, our recent argument.

It all made sense. Jujubee was in love with me. And instead of recognising it earlier on, I was too caught up with Blair to see it.

And what about me? How did I feel about her? Yeah, Jujubee was my one and only friend. She had gotten me through so much throughout the years. If it weren't for her, who knew where I would have been.

I couldn't pinpoint any time that I had thought of her as more than just a friend.

Well, maybe the times we'd lie in bed and just...stare into each other's eyes. Or the time she held me as I sobbed into her chest after the incident at the prom. Or maybe the times she'd smile, and it would brighten up my day. Or the exact day that I noticed how cute it was when her lashes fluttered.

Or…

My eyes met the heart-shaped card again, how the very sight of it made my heart skip a beat.

"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair as it was clear to me.

My eyes ventured away from the card, moving to the scraps of paper.

'Grandpa's tips for life'

My hand told me to examine the piece of paper further, so I did so.

At the top of the list, there it was. A sign.

'Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose.'

I needed to tell her.

I packed the box up and quickly left the kitchen, noting that a few more people had left.

"Blair!" I called, rushing up the stairs.

She was still there, laying in the bed, in just her white lacey lingerie.

I covered my eyes. "Oh my God. That was unexpected."

"Fuck. Sorry. I kind of had a feeling that would have been inappropriate." She asked.

"What? No. You're fine. I just... wasn't prepared for that." I stuttered, still covering my eyes. "Could you just...cover-up for a second."

"OK." I heard her say. "You can look now."

I looked back. She did pull the duvet up, but just below the wire of her bra.

"OK," I breathed out, trying to ignore her cleavage, "I think you're right about Jujubee."

"You think?"

"Yes," I replied before shaking my head profusely. "No. I know. You're right, Blair. I...I like her. Maybe even love her." Fuck, saying that out loud, it did something to me, "And yes, I liked you for so long, but you're right. I was always happiest with her."

I was expecting her to be disappointed, but she smiled. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"What?"

"Go get her."

Grandpa's words reiterated.

"You're not upset that we're not gonna have sex right now?"

"No, Brie." Blair threw back the covers, picking up her gold wrap dress off the floor, "I already learned how to deal with it. Knowing you belonged to someone else." She wrapped her body up in the dress effortlessly, fluffed out her hair and turned to look at me again. "I know you're meant to be with her. So, go. Go tell her now before it's too late."

Despite this revelation, I couldn't help but feel like a dick. Blair was smiling, but I knew she had to feel some level of hurt. I walked towards her and brought her into a hug.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you, Brie," Blair whispered in my ear.

I only held her tighter, "Don't be," and I pulled away, my hands still on her shoulders, "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have ever opened my eyes."

I kissed her on the cheek, and she smiled warmly. I turned to leave, and before I made my way downstairs, I looked at her once more. Her hand was on her face where my lips had been. I was glad I could give her that one last kiss, just something to hold on to.

"You really helped me, Blair," I said.

"Good." She said graciously. "Now go."

The urgency in her voice only fueled my determination.

I was under no time limit, but I couldn't help but want to reach Jujubee as soon as possible.

When I was outside, I shouted for the first cab I saw. Thankfully it pulled over. I got in and pulled out my phone.

But the car was still.

"Go! Drive!" I raised my voice.

"Lady. You haven't even told me where you're headed!" The cabbie turned in his seat.

Fuck, I sounded crazy. How he hadn't thrown me out was beyond me.

I only realised that I had no idea where my destination was. Jujubee could have been anywhere.

The driver was still looking at me, his patience growing thin. So I barked out Jujubee's address.

He seemed relieved to be on the road again. Only then was I aware of the honking cars behind us. Typical for New York, but this was too much.

I found Jujubee's number, trying my luck at the chance she'd answer.

It rang.

And it rang.

And it rang some more.

"Come on, come on," I repeated quietly to myself. Relax, Brie. It's not like she's catching a plane to the furthest state.

The phone went straight to voicemail. "Fuck!"

The cab driver glared at me in the rearview mirror.

I ignored him and tried again. Still nothing.

A few minutes passed, and I tried once more. But again, my luck was shit on.

I dropped my hands to my lap, sighing frustratedly. All I could do was just see if she was home.

My eyes trailed to beyond the window, just hoping to get there as soon as possible.

And there she was. Walking out of a pizza place, a solemn look on her face.

"There she is," I said aloud to myself before turning my attention to the cab driver. "Stop! Pull over!"

He came to a grinding halt. "Jesus Christ, lady! You really need to stop all that yelling and - -"

I handed him a $20 bill, "keep the change. Thank you."

I got out of the vehicle, eyes looking to where Jujubee once was. She was gone.

"Fuck." I looked down one path, not there. And looking down the other, there was Jujubee, rounding the corner and eating a slice of pizza.

I ran in my heels, people moving out of the way to dodge me.

I knew I was an inconvenience to so many, but Jujubee at that moment was my priority.

Rounding the corner, I saw she didn't get far. I couldn't help but bend over for a hot second, trying to catch my breath.

And when I recovered, I shouted out, "Jujubee!"

She turned, eyes wide like she had never heard my voice before. And when she saw it was me, her face sort of fell.

My hand reached into my bag, and I pulled out the Valentines Day card.

She looked confused at first, but then recognition settled in. And the disappointment was replaced with fear.

I stopped panting. And finally, I could speak. "You were right. Approval; That's all I ever wanted. And I thought that if Blair gave that to me, I'd be good enough. Because I never felt that. I never felt good enough. I wasn't good enough for Blair, I was never good enough for my parents, and I'd never be good enough for anyone."

Jujubee was silent for a moment, eyes falling to the pavement and then back up again. "You were good enough for me."

I breathed out. "I know. But I was...too caught up in my own shit to think about how you felt. Too caught up that...I didn't even think about how I felt." I paused, thinking of how the fuck I should say it. No, I didn't need to think. This wasn't some cheesy movie. "I...I love you, Juju."

She let out a breath, a shaky one like she was on the verge of tears. And her eyes became glossy. I really wanted to tell her not to cry, to be happy. But this moment, she wanted this all her life.

A tear slipped down her cheek, but she laughed. "Fuck, I got this fucking pizza 'cause I needed heartbreak food."

I returned the laugh. "Hey, it's OK. You can still eat it. It can be normal pizza."

"No. I'm not even hungry anyway." Jujubee admitted, passing the pizza to a random passerby (who was taken by surprise but accepted the free food anyway).

Jujubee walked towards me. I smiled, already smelling that sweet perfume.

But she pushed me back. "Fuck you for forgetting about the card. I knew you did. I always remembered yours."

"I'm so sorry. I don't know why I forgot. But," I paused, "Blair reminded me."

"She did?"

"Yep."

"Wow. She remembered. But you didn't."

"Yeah. I'm...really really sorry."

"Wow. Is this our first couple fight?" Jujubee put her hands on her hips.

"It could be. If... that's what you want to call us." I suggested.

"Perfect. Seal the deal?" She raised a brow.

I knew where this was going. "Oh, absolutely."

Jujubee stepped closer, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and pressed her lips against mine. And that unfamiliar spark coursed through me, like it came from somewhere inside her and travelled through my body.

And I didn't care for the fact we were in the middle of the street, probably inconveniencing others. All that mattered was the happiness coursing through me, the feeling of...being complete.

I pulled out of the kiss first. "Wanna get in that rocket and be the first to go to the other world?"

Jujubee smiled but quickly stopped. "I-I'm kinda unprepared. I mean... I'd need a toothbrush, my clothes..."

"Where we're going...you don't need 'em." And then I played the words back in my head. "Oh. Oh shit, no. Not in that context. I just meant... you'd get new ones, you know? Fuck, I'm terrible at this."

"No. You're just you." Jujubee laughed, and fuck, I adored how her eyes were crinkling at the corners.

We grabbed the nearest cab. When we told him where we were going, his eyes widened. It would be a journey. But we paid upfront, so the driver remained silent.

When we got to base, I almost cursed myself for not thinking about how we'd access all the areas.

But there was that mastercard. And they couldn't say no. They knew who I was, after all.

When we were in the gowning area, Jujubee and I helped each other into spacesuits. I was high with anticipation, ready to see what was on the other side, ready to do it all with Jujubee.

This was our dream.

Jujubee grabbed two helmets. One for her and one for me. She tossed it my way, and I caught it.

"Ready to go?" She asked.

"Absolutely." I extended my hand, and we made our way to the door.

The cold cool air was refreshing. My eyes travelled up and down the rocket. It was bigger than I imagined, and for a small second, I felt worthless. Like I was just Brianna Caldwell, a girl from a small town with no real purpose in this world.

But Jujubee slid her hand into mine. And I was reminded that all I had to do was shut my inner demons up. Because I did have a purpose. And I was something to someone. As long as I had her, that was all that mattered.

Jujubee smiled mischievously, pulling me along the bridge, leading me to the already opened door. She ducked down and climbed into the small space, and I followed.

It was disorientating at first, what with the rocket facing the sky. I feared I'd fall trying to get into my seat. But Jujubee continued to pull me along.

When we were seated, I wasted no time putting on my helmet and initiated the activation process.

I could feel Jujubee's smirk as I flicked at switches and pressed buttons. It only fueled my excitement.

A voice came through the radio, one of the engineers. We were bombarded with questions, demanding to know what we were doing, how it was too early for take off with no press to film it, all sorts of complaints.

But we didn't care.

When everything seemed ready to go, I put my hand on the lever. But before I pulled, I turned my head to her.

"Ready to see the flying horses?" I raised a brow.

"Just as ready as I am for the cats that bark." She breathed out a laugh through her nostrils.

With another smile, I pulled the lever. The ship was rumbling now, and my stomach was doing somersaults.

We both turned our attention to the sounds of protest from the engineers. They were livid now, shouting about how the media wasn't going to like this.

I lifted my hand up, flipping the source of the sound off. Jujubee cackled to my delight.

I put the intercom on mute. And the ship took off. Mom was gonna kill me for this. I'd definitely bring her back a gift. A new vase, maybe? Yeah. A vase from an entirely new world. Something new.

I looked forward, unable to see the ground below us. How high were we already? How long was left until we reached that crossover, the gateway?

My question was answered as the ship was illuminated by a bright light.

We did it, Grandpa. We did it.

[bearpillowmonster]

KH: MoM Review (Story)

You don't begin the game with the new story, it's mainly just Kairi retelling the story from her perspective and you build up to that point...after KH3, so its basically the ending. I want to be clear, this isn't THE Kairi game, we might get one in the future but this is just told from her perspective, you don't play as her that much and you don't unlock her like the other characters, which is kind of disappointing.

One thing I noticed is that they give the player the choice of where to go. If you want to head to Chain of Memories, there's a path, if you want to go to Days, there's a path, if you want to go to KH2, there's a path, it all branches out after KH1. I would have to say it's a bold move to put KH2 right there because if you don't skip anything, the beginning of KH2 is the world before the Days section, when chronologically, it's the other way around.

(to the left is CoM, Straight is KH2, the right branch up ahead is Days)

Also Tarzan is missing from the world line-up, I assume they didn't get the rights because they had a whole debacle back when 1.5 was coming out and such but it's just kind of odd to me, I was kind of looking forward to that too. Same with Pirates and Pooh, not sure why that would be though and here's the funny one...Symphony of Sorcery, the one that actually has to do with music! I hated the way that world was put together in Dream Drop, I thought this would bring it redemption but the world isn't even in it!

With that, some Kingdom Hearts games are longer than others, so since CoM has pretty much all the Disney worlds from the first game, it's just different Castle Oblivion sections, so pretty short and sweet. That isn't to say that worlds don't come back for more tracks though, for example, Neverland appears in the KH1, BBS, and Days sections but with different songs. There are also different teams such as Team Classic, Team Days, Team 3D (odd choice but I like it), and Team BBS. They aren't interchangeable and you can't play as KH2 Sora but it is what it is, it doesn't affect gameplay anyway.

This game definitely reaches out to wider audiences but I wouldn't call it a replacement for story. If anything, it makes you want to play the other games, a great compliment/supplement. Especially if you want Disney World plots, that’s practically nonexistent. It is funny that they just used two songs for Re:Coded and only one for 0.2 though. There are 3 extra worlds that you only unlock if you get 280 stars, I like that, I only ended up doing that after the story though since I only had 208 by the time I figured that out.

I remember when I was a kid and my friend wanted to play Guitar Hero but he used the controller, not the guitar and I couldn’t even wrap my head around the idea, but look at me now! Little did I think, years down the road that Kingdom Hearts was going to swoop in and make a game like this where I’m actually interested in rhythm.

Overall, this game made me much more interested in rhythm games entirely. If they made a Zelda one in a similar style, I would totally be interested. With that said, this is the best rhythm game I've played thus far, not that I've really been into them though. 

Stop! STOP!

I know you want to see it but this is where I get into spoilers, keep that in mind. Also, there is a scene after the credits, but it doesn't matter how you play the game, it's there for everyone. And if you see "Secret movie" somewhere online, that's false, it isn’t actually a "secret movie" because I've seen some pretty convincing fakes out there.

Now, I can see where people would get hasty and say that the content isn't all that much because they do wait until the end to reveal the new content and while I was satisfied with it (even if it left on a cliffhanger (as I expected!)) I could see some people not being as satisfied. I ended up spending about 10 hours going through world tour but I kept going after that as I mentioned so kind of average but this is also a rhythm game, think about a CD with that much content and not all the songs are even in the world tour.

Is it probably skippable? Probably. I expect it’ll be relevant but I think it’s more just connecting the dots than anything, besides, this is the current KH game for a while, I hear we won’t get news until 2022.

That final boss was great, I loved it. The only real gripe I had with it is that Sora looks like an MMD model, like if KH3 Sora was still in KH1. I also expected a little more out of Kairi's backstory because we got most of that specific part in the trailer making it easy to pick apart. I did stray away from everything since that trailer though and I was pleasantly surprised. Also, FGM can just teleport to the Final World whenever??

Nameless star is voiced by Madison Davenport who, as of now, is still under the name "Nameless Star." it's kind of salty but at the same time, sweet because I'm excited to see who she is. The japanese voice actress "Risa Shimuzu" voiced Vitani in the Lion King 2...so confirmed? Hahaha. Kairi asking to be trained by Aqua makes my heart all warm and fuzzy, I love that thought, that they all become masters and teach the new generation because I was thinking that the BBS gang might become irrelevant after KH3.

Xehanort talked about ‘paving the way for Sora’s disappearance’ but that was apart of his plan? I know YX teased it but he wanted that to happen?

Quadratum has to do with an ancient Roman building technique and the concept of "Making Square" but it really is Shibuya. The foretellers presence makes more and more sense as this goes on and it's really setting up for it. I felt like we were spending all that time building for KH3 but we didn't even realize that we were building for KH4 along the way and I think that it's just going to keep going, which is why "Quadratum" is a good metaphor in this instance, it keeps that same momentum and structure, it didn't lose anything by finishing the Xehanort Saga, it just used it as a launchpad.

Other than that, I heard "data" being tossed around when they talked about dreams and memories. Kairi is the memories (I guess Pooh is too though...) 

and Riku is the dreams, so does that mean Nameless Star is data? Strelitzia is that you? It seems familiar because I mean she's "from the other side" and Brain was talking about data in Union X so it's possible. I just don't want the master plan to be "Re: Coded was actually 10x more important than you thought!" kind of data.

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Dead Man’s Eyes Ch. 3

Link to AO3 by @dracusfyre

Three days after Bucky’s return, he and Tony had ventured out of the compound for fresh air, taking a walk through the quaint downtown shops of the nearest town. Bucky had ducked into the secondhand bookstore and coffee shop for a moment while Tony held their place an outdoor table when Natasha sat down across from him. 

“Hey,” Tony blinked. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“Small town,” she said with a quirk of her mouth. “How’s it going?”

“Good,” Tony said honestly. “Things with Steve are, you know,” he held out a hand and gestured so-so. “But other than that…” His eyes traveled inside the glass window of the bookstore to where Bucky was browsing the new arrivals section. “I mean, Bucky’s back. What else needs to be said?”

“And everything is going well with him?”

“Yeah, of course.” Tony raised an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t it?”

“He went through a lot in the past two weeks, I’m just making sure he seems okay to you.”

Tony stared at her for a moment, eyes narrowed, then laced his fingers together and rested them on the cheap wrought iron table. “Cut the shit, Natasha.”

“Fine.” She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table as well. “Are you sure that the Bucky that came back is the same Bucky that left?”

Tony’s jaw dropped, stunned. That was not what he was expecting. “How - how can you even ask that?” He said finally. “You’ve seen him, you’ve talked to him. What are you trying to say?”

“The Winter Soldier wasn’t always a sniper, Tony. He was trained, just like I was, to put on a persona to get close to our target, to gain their trust. If he was ordered to  act  like Bucky Barnes to get close to you, no one would know how to do it better.”

“That is ridiculous,” Tony spat. “I would know if he was - was faking. Besides if he was-was still...” Tony gestured expressively rather than say the words the Winter Soldier. "Then why didn't he kill me when he had the chance?"

"If he wasn't, why didn't he save you when he had the chance?" Natasha countered. "Why did he walk away, and not come back for another week?"

Tony actually had an answer to that. "He left to protect me, and he was gone for so long because he was destroying all the facilities where they'd held him during those three days, especially the one with the chair," Tony said. "Come on, Natasha, it's not like I didn't ask."

"Do you have proof?"

"I don't need proof!"

Natasha stood and put her hands in the pockets of her jacket. Her eyes flickered to where Bucky was still inside buying coffee. "Believe me, I hope for all of our sakes that you are right."

“Then why would you even say anything?”

“Because we’ve both been burned before for trusting the wrong people,” she said. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…” She shrugged and looked away for a moment. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. But if I don’t warn you, and the worst happens, then that’s on me, right? And I don’t think I could live with that.” Then she walked away, leaving Tony staring at her back in disbelief.

                                                   ------------

“You would not believe what Natasha said to me today,” Tony said, throwing his clothes with unnecessary force into the hamper as he undressed, still angry hours later.

“What?” Bucky set his book down on his chest and sat up straighter in bed, punching the pillows to support his back. “More stuff about Steve?”

That reminder made him even madder. “I don’t even want to talk about it,” Tony scowled. He fell face first into bed, trying to shed his bad mood. He felt Bucky stroke a hand down his back, which made him realize how gross and sweaty he still was. “I’m going to take a shower, hopefully that will help.”  He levered himself back off the bed, and saw Bucky watching him.

“Shall I join you?” Bucky said, waggling his eyebrows and smiling.

Tony leaned over and gave him a kiss. “Nah, I’ll be quick.” He had hoped that the shower would help him relax, but instead Natasha’s words just played on repeat, like a song he couldn’t get out of his head.  Same Bucky that left.  Both been burned before.  “I would know,” he muttered to himself, sticking his face under the spray like it could physically wash away his thoughts. 

Like you knew with Stane?

Tony’s hands stilled at the thought. “It’s not the same,” he argued with himself. “I see Bucky every day. No one could fake it for that long.” Natasha did, his traitorous brain pointed out. All day, for weeks. “But I wasn’t sleeping with her!”

“Tony, are you talking to me?” Bucky called out through the door.

“No,” Tony called back. He banged his head against the tile of the shower, trying to knock some sense into himself. “Sorry, just talking to myself.” 

“Alright.”

As Bucky moved away from the door, Tony said, “JARVIS, gimme some music,” and turned up the volume loud enough to drown out his thoughts. When he came out of the shower, towelling his hair dry, he saw Bucky reading one of his old science fiction novels with the garish cover and the scene looked so normal that Tony immediately felt like an idiot for his paranoia. When he climbed into bed he lay diagonally so he could put his head in Bucky’s lap. Bucky’s had immediately began carding through his wet hair, like it always did, and Tony smiled. “How are you feeling?” He asked after a few minutes, twisting so he could see Bucky’s face. 

“About as well as you would expect,” Bucky said with a humorless quirk of his mouth, meeting Tony’s eyes over the top of his book. “Being back with you is the only thing keeping me sane, but sometimes...well, you know.”

“Yeah,” Tony said with a silent exhale, turning his head again so Bucky could keep stroke his head. Memories of being trapped in the dark with the dead Hydra agents, wondering if there were others, wondering if he was going to ever see Bucky again, wondering if he was going to die there in his suit buried in the rubble of a Hydra base, rose unbidden in his thoughts.  “I know.” He reached up and squeezed Bucky's hand for a moment, then grabbed his tablet to do some work before bed.

 That night, Tony woke up in a sweat from a dream that dissipated upon waking, leaving behind just a vague feeling of disquiet. He rolled over and realized Bucky’s side of the bed was cold. “Bucky?” He called out softly, climbing out of bed and going to the bathroom before searching their suite. He expected to find him in the living room watching TV or reading his book, like he usually did when he couldn’t sleep. Instead, the rooms were dark and empty. “JARVIS, where’s Bucky?”

“He is currently in the garage, sir. He appears to be double-checking the security,” JARVIS said. “I assured him that the building was secure, but he said he needed to check for his peace of mind.”

“Oh.” Bucky hadn’t done that in years. “Thanks, J.” Tony hesitated in the living room for a moment before returning to bed. But of course, now he couldn’t sleep.  We will finally get our hands on an arc reactor,  one of the Hydra agents had said. “JARVIS, did Bucky - no, never mind.” If Bucky was Hydra and was here for Tony’s tech, he could have just killed Tony there in the rubble and taken it, no need for all of this espionage. He also had free access to Tony’s lab, so he could just steal it. Fuck Natasha for putting these thoughts in his head, anyway.

With a sigh, he gave up on sleep for the night and reached for his tablet; might as well get some work done if he wasn’t sleeping anyway. But his tablet wasn’t on his nightstand, in the drawer, or next to the bed. Which was weird, because he had been working on it before he fell asleep. “JARVIS, where’s my tablet?”

“Next to the couch, sir.”

As Tony climbed out of bed to get it, he told himself that Bucky had set it there without thinking as he got ready to go to sleep; it’s not like Bucky could access the tablet anyway, it was retina locked, he reminded himself. As he picked it up, he tapped it against one palm thoughtfully. Unless...unless he had fallen asleep with it unlocked. After all, the arc reactor was small potatoes compared to what he’d been working on for the Avengers and SHIELD, all of which were on JARVIS’s servers. “Stop it, Tony,” he said into the dark room. “You’re losing your goddamn mind.”

“Join the club,” Bucky’s voice said from the darkness, making Tony jump. He came up behind Tony, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his chest into Tony’s back. Tony exhaled and relaxed against his warmth. “Bad dream? Is that what’s making you lose your mind?”

“Pretty much,” Tony said honestly. He turned in Bucky’s arms so he could loop them around Bucky’s neck; in the dark, the arc reactor’s light cast Bucky’s eyes into deep shadow, giving Tony a chill. He pushed the feeling away and buried his fingers in the air at the nape of Bucky's neck. “You?”

“Yeah. C’mon, let’s go back to bed.” Bucky slid his hands down Tony’s back and squeezed his ass, then lifted him up and wrapped Tony’s legs around his waist like he was light as a feather. "I'm sure we can figure out something to take our minds off of it."

 The next morning, Tony was frowning in concentration at the exploded diagram of a next generation propulsion system out of Wakanda when a cup of coffee, still steaming, appeared in his field of view. “Oh, thanks.” Tony sat up straight and took it, wrapping his hands around it gratefully. 

“Whatcha working on?” Bucky asked as he came around the work table, eyeing the bright blue hologram with interest.

“Propulsion system,” Tony said dismissively, ignoring the unfair impulse to close down the plans as Bucky studied them. “What are you up to?” He asked as he took a sip of coffee, then paused, making a funny face before he swallowed.

“I’m heading to the range with Clint later. What’s wrong?” 

Tony was staring down into his coffee, eyes narrowed. “Did you put soy milk in here?”

“Maybe?” Bucky frowned. “I guess I wasn’t paying attention. You like, uh-”

“Almond milk,” Tony supplied, when Bucky hesitated.  

“Right, almond milk,” Bucky said. “I’ll go make you a fresh cup.” He reached for the mug but Tony waved him away and set the cup to the side.

“It’s fine,” Tony said with a smile. “I’ll just make another pot down here so I don’t have to go up to the kitchen for refills.”

“Are you sure?” When Tony nodded, Bucky leaned in for a kiss and stroked his jaw as he pulled away. “I’m sorry, I’ll remember next time.”

Tony held his smile until the lab door closed behind Bucky. He let out a breath and raked his fingers through his hair before covering his mouth with one hand, staring sightlessly at the propulsion plans. “It’s just fucking coffee,” he said out loud.  

                                                 ---------

He held out for four days before he broke. Nervously wiping his palms on his pants, Tony stared at the safe built into the concrete wall of his lab, pulse pounding. He couldn’t believe he was doing this; usually the thought of reading the red book make him feel like he needed a shower, but he had to  know.  If there was any information about what Bucky could and couldn’t remember from one mission to another, even between mind wipes, or what, exactly, the trigger words did, Tony had to know. Natasha’s words were a parasite invading his thoughts, destroying his focus and poisoning his time with Bucky. Last time, he had only read the parts he’d had to in order to do what Bucky asked, but this time he was going to read the damn thing cover to cover even though he would hate himself the whole time. He would find out that Bucky was fine, everything was fine, and all this shit Tony kept noticing - inconsistencies, forgetfulness, the minute hesitations - was just the product of a paranoid mind. 

 Two and a half hours later, he closed the red book and rested his head in his hands. He'd found none of the answers he'd wanted, only more questions. “JARVIS, open a surveillance file,” Tony said eventually, the words bitter as bile on his tongue.  “Target, James Buchannan Barnes.” 

[luv4fandoms]

Laying Claim (Castiel x Witch!Reader)

@ladyofhellhounds

So with that in mind, this is what my brain came up with, idk why XD, I hope you like it 😊

(Also guys, my mom and I finally got to the Godstiel part of Spn I've heard so much about, and pretty much our reaction was the same, just "oh sweety, no, what are you doing?)

Word count: 2,476

Pairings: Castiel x Reader

Warnings: Cussing, Demons being asshole, unknown claiming? Fluffly Cas, Angry Cas

Today's the day! The anniversary of when you first joined the Winchesters and their guardian angel one year ago. You had met when a coven in your town had started killing people, you were going to find out for yourself but...Well after all, if they wanted to do the dirty work of searching, why not let them?

Though you still did some digging of your own after you found a hex bag in your gutter, silly little girls, just a bunch of soccer moms who thought Harry Potter was real. Needless to say the demon they had sold their souls to at their little slumber party wasn't the type to give them back, and with a little help from one of your spells, the pieces fell right into place for the Winchesters to slay the demon...

Only problem was the bitch knew about you, and used her last breath to spill the beans, so you really weren't surprised when the trio came barging up to your house. The two boys seemed to want nothing more than your head on a platter as well, thinking you were linked to the coven, but the third, the third simply stared at you, seemingly trying to decipher you as well as commit you to memory. It wasn't hard to know what he was, the gift of sight as your grandmother called it, allowed you to see the large black wigs that rose behind him.

'Interesting' you had thought, remembering everything you had ever read about angels.

"Tell you what" you spoke, stopping the argument the boys were having.

"Have your little friend here read my mind, or memories, which ever he prefers, and see that I have never harmed anyone" the boys looked to the angel who seemed to have broken out of the trance he was under at the sound of your voice.

"Cas?" The shorter man asked, to which 'Cas' simply nodded and made his way over to you, he lifted his fingers, placing two on your forehead while closing his eyes, a moment later he opened them and nodded at the boys.

"She's telling the truth, she hasn't hurt anyone, she actually helps people, and was a target of the coven herself" he told them.

"See? I told you, now, would you care to join me for some tea?" You asked, eyes never leaving his blue ones, oh you could get lost in those babies.

"I even have pie" you added with a smile as you finally turned to the other two.

 That had been the first time you had a civil conversation with the trio; Sam and Dean, two orphan hunters following in Daddy's footsteps. And Castiel, the angel who decided to fight his own kind to protect humanity, interesting. You offered your services should the boys ever need it, figuring they would never take you up on it, but hoping to be able to see the stoic angel once more, and low and behold...

They called. For almost a year now you had been helping them, being a researcher, going with them on cases, even using your magic to take down baddies. The work made your feel alive, but not as alive as when Cas would come around. Something about the angel's presence alone makes your body feel electrified, and when his piercing blue orbs met yours you swore your heart stopped. Lately though, he started treating you like a child who was incapable of keeping herself safe.

The first time was while you were helping the boys with some demons, a reason for Cas to be present, and you hadn't thought much past trying to slow down your heart rate when he grabbed you and pulled you to his chest, shielding your eyes as he let out a blinding light that killed them all.

The second time though, you had been against a neat of vamps, one which you and the boys were handling just find, but just as you were about to drop the vamp that was advancing towards you, a silver blade pierced it's neck, quickly taking it's head, and when it fell it revealed Cas standing behind it. He stated that he needed to speak with Dean and Sam about something, so that is why he located you all, but you began to wonder when you were the first one he healed, and he stood extra close to you as he spoke.

The third time you started to grow annoyed. You were just fine by yourself, could handle yourself against the werewolf, and in your opinion, kicking ass. Sure you had taken a few scratches, and your arm hurt like hell from the deep claw marks, but you held your ground...And then right as you were about to give the killing blow with your magic, that all too familiar angel blade made an appearance once more.

"What the hell Cas that was my kill!" You told him, less angry about the fact that he finished the fight and more about the fact that he had done it so often recently. 

"You're injured" he simply stated.

"So? I was still kicking its ass!" You defended as he walked over to you and healed you, causing you to groan and walk away from the confused angel.

The final straw had been tonight, the whole day throughout the hunt for a pack of demons who had intel on Lucifer, the boys and you had been in a somewhat good mood after you had bought them breakfast and explained the anniversary. The hunt had gone well, you found the demons, killed all but one and was grilling it for information. It was a tough nut to crack, even an exorcism didn't scare it. 

"We're not getting anywhere, let me try" you told them, causing Dean to immediately shake his head.

"Hell no, I'm not letting you near that thing alone"

"Funny, you say that like you can stop me" you stated while looking over at him, there was a silent stare before you sighed

"Just five minutes Dean, I promise you I'll be fine" before Dean could even open his mouth Sam spoke in your defence

"She's right Dean, and besides, he's in the trap, what can he do?" 

Dean was silent for a moment before his eyes met yours again.

"Fine, but five minutes is all you got" nodding, you made your way back into the room. 

"Ok buddy, here's how it's gonna go down" you started as you stood in front of him, but he only laughed while looking around.

"Boy toys now coming?" He asked

"Sorry pal, just you and me, now you're gonna-"

"You know I'm surprised your mate leaves you alone with them, he must trust you a lot, or he's an idiot"

"What the hell are you even talking about?" You asked, confused as to why he would state you have a "mate"

"Oh….Oh you don't know" he started laughing hysterically.

"Shut it!" You yelled watching as his laughter died down, but the smirk stayed.

"Sweety, you reek of him. His sent his all over you. Desperate protectiveness, longing, it's enough to make me gag, the best part is that he did this without you even knowing. A do not touch sign to anyone else, a claim on you, really that's horrible, and I'm a demon" he laughed again, while you digest the information, something had laid a claim on you? You felt like you needed a shower thinking that it could be any of the creatures you encountered in your year with the boys. 

"You know though, I'm not surprised you didn't know" it stated, causing you to look at it once more.

"You're such an idiot" and with that he lunged at you, knocking you back into the wall and knocking the air from your lungs. You were pretty sure you heard your shoulder pop while your vision blacked out for a moment. When you looked around you noticed the slow steady drip of water from a nearby pipe that had washed away part of the devil's trap, before your eyes were brought back to the demon's face as he straddled you, leaning in and taking a deep breath.

"I wonder how he would like it...If I laid my own claim to you" he smirked, and you tried to push him off as he leaned down, him somehow over powering your magic, but just as he was about to reach your neck, his weight disappeared from you and a crash was heard from the other side of the room. 

"W-wait I-I didn't know!" It started to plead as you watched Castiel slowly walk towards him.

"I didn't know she belonged to an angel I swear!" He pleaded again.

'Belonged to…' your mind started to remember little things that happened these past couple of months. Cas giving you his coat when you stood outside watching the boys do a salt and burn, Cas sitting next to your while you explained your favorite shows to him, by the end of the night you would be leaning against him and his arm would be on the back of the couch, fingers lightly resting on your shoulder. Cas listening to your music with you from your ipod in the back of the impala despite the fact he could easily poof to the location. And then there was Cas always swooping in when you were fighting things...did Cas...Lay claim to you?

You watched as he easily got the information and killed the demon, only then noticing that the boys had been pounding on the door trying to get in, upon the demon's death, it unlocked and they rushed into the room. 

"Y/N!" Dean started but Cas was quick to cut him off.

"Why were you not with her?" His voice rising slightly, the only indication besides the fire still burning in his eyes that he was pissed.

"We figured she" Sam started, but was also cut off by Cas.

"That she what? Was your bait to get information? You put her in danger!" A light blew out in the room.

"And we told her" Dean tried

"And you know she would not listen! You should have been in her presence at all times!" Another light, the bright flash momentarily illuminating the shadow of Cas's wings, oh, he was very pissed.

"Cas" you started

"This is exactly why I have to keep-"

"CAS!" You yelled, turning the room silent as you stood, grabbing your arm that you could clearly tell was broken.

"I came here alone of my own accord, they didn't want me to, but I did it anyways, it's not their fault"

"They should have protected you" he started, coming forward to heal your wounds, his eyes showed a different story, and in that moment you knew what he was really trying to say.

'I should have protected you'

"We need to talk by the way" you stated, looking at the boys then him.

"Alone" with a nod he grabbed your hand.

"I'll take her back to the hotel" he told the boys, and in a blink, you stood in your hotel room. You let go of his hand, making your way over to the bed and sat down, Cas didn't move as he stared at the carpet.

"Cas did you��."you started before realizing that this was going to be really embarrassing to ask.

"Did you ...Lay claim to me?" you asked, not meeting his gaze when you saw him look at you from the corner of your eye.

"...Not...Fully" he spoke after a moment, this caused you to look at him.

"What does that even mean?" You gave a short laughed and watched as he sighed before coming to sit next to you. 

"Y/N I...I have feeling for you...Ones that someone would only have in the presence of a potential mate" he states turning to look at you.

"Wow sweety we gotta get you into now days language" you said with a chuckle, before adding.

"So..You have feelings for me?"

"Yes, I thought it was wise to push them away at first, you would be in danger if anyone after me, found you. But as time went on I found them...Harder to repress, and I found myself claiming you before I even realized it" He states, looking down as if weighted by shame.

"We have different versions of claiming"you laugh, thinking back to what the demon had said

"He said I smelled like you" Cas nodded, still not meeting your eyes.

"It's the first stage of claiming someone, we cover them in our scent, it's not perceivable to your senses, but to other beings it lets them know that you belong to someone" he explained, "So every time you sat next to me or gave me your coat?" He nodded, before adding.

"My grace also leaves behind a scent" he added.

"Your grace? Do you...Use it often?" You asked.

"To protect you yes" He nodded

"So this was why you have been jumping in front of monsters for me?" You asked, again he nodded.

"You know I can take care of myself" you smiled

"But it's my job to protect you" he stated, finally meeting your gaze.

"Because you're my mate?" You asked with a laugh, but noticed his cheeks darken at your words.

"I'm not your mate…"

"Yet" You smirked when he looked at you with wide eyes.

"I have feelings for you that someone would only have in the presence of a potential mate" you smiled, watching as he scanned your eyes for any sign that you were untruthful.

"But I can still take care of myself" to laughed.

"But It's my-"

"Job to protect me, tell you what, if it's your job to protect me, than it's my job to protect you" you told him as you leaned in, watching his confused expression as you pressed your lips against his, they were just as soft as you always imagined they would be, and your hand came up to cup his face, his stubble lightly scratching your palm as you felt his hand rest against your hip. You pulled away and looked into his eyes, the striking blue swallowed by black pupils. 

"As your mate" you smiled, watching as a smile spread across his lips.

"So...if putting your scent on me is the first stage...what are the other stages of..Laying claim to a mate?" You asked with a smirk, watching as his smile turned playful.

"There are a lot of stages, it could take all night" he replied.

"Well, guess we better get started" you spoke before pulling him down for another kiss, you were in for a long, blissful night with your new mate. Happy anniversary to you.

Hope everyone enjoyed it! Let me know what you think.

[smileyoongle]

Deception (A Kim Namjoon Mafia AU)

Summary: A damsel in distress and a lonely mafia leader. Different but not too different. The two worlds collide on a rainy night when Kim Namjoon, a renowned Mafia leader is called for an emergency and Y/N Y/L/N is on the run from her abusive father. Feelings stir and he rescues her. But one of them is a liar. And the other's life is on the line. It's only a matter of time until all secrets are out in the open.

Will love be born? Or will death conquer?

chαptєr ηïηε: Betrayal and Longing

Character Count: 12,084

Pairing: Namjoon×Reader (Appearances by the whole of BTS)

---------------------------------------

Wrap me in the softest love I have ever known, show me that I'm not alone.

- Christy Ann Martine

---------------------------------------

"She's heading to Club Delirium tonight. I eavesdropped on a conversation she was secretly having so don't ask me how I know." Rex announced, entering the conference room with a shit-eating grin on his face. Even after not having gotten enough sleep the previous night, he felt energetic and excited. All the credit belonged to Hana and her secret, of course.

Who knew a mafia leader's best friend was gonna be an undercover cop?

Namjoon sat with his head buried in his hands, his brain still trying to process everything. It wasn't just him though, every single person in the room was just as shocked as him. How did they not know? All the questions they had regarding Hana's disappearance had just been answered and no one was happy about it. Namjoon was affected, yes, but so was Jungkook.

The latter's eyes were bloodshot, his lips pale and his hands clenched as if he would knock out the next person who spoke. He felt so betrayed and lost. At first, when Rex had told him that the guy Hana met was Nelson Shaw, he had no idea who that was. But later on, as he was fed all the information, he began to connect the dots. The guy who had broken into Namjoon's house was Nelson Shaw, the same guy who Hana met and worked with. His so called sister like friend, was a police officer, trying her best to bring them down.

Jungkook slammed his fist on the table, making Rex flinch while the others didn't react at all. Rex's eyes were wide, wondering why no one else moved a muscle because Jungkook was definitely scary when angry. They were probably used to it.

"We'll get her red handed then. Alert the bouncers at the club." Yoongi voiced, earning a nod from Taehyung who quickly walked out of the room to carry out the task.

Namjoon couldn't even begin to express how mad he was. There were still questions that he wanted answers to, but he didn't even wanna look at her anymore. It was early in the morning when he had gotten a call from Hoseok, asking him to come over for an emergency. The dull tone of hoseok's voice was definitely concerning but Namjoon wasn't expecting this. That's why Shaw broke into his house. To find dirt on him and turn him in. Well, too bad. Hana was out of the game now.

Jimin chuckled bitterly, all eyes turning to him questioningly. Namjoon slowly looked up, glaring at Jimin as if to ask what was so funny. Rex raised an eyebrow, eyes flickering over to Namjoon. He could smell drama already and he wished he had popcorn. Even though he knew you-

"Tell us, Namjoon. Did you know about this?"

Jimin asked, a bitter smile planted on his lips. Namjoon frowned, tilting his head to convey that he had no idea what Jimin was trying to say. Jin sighed, closing his eyes momentarily to keep himself in check. "Jimin, just because Hana was his best friend-"

"Forget it. Let's just get over with this Hana bullshit first." Jimin interrupted, standing up abruptly and rushing out of the room. Namjoon made a mental note to talk to Jimin about this later, standing up and proceeding to go home for a while. He placed a hand on Jungkook's shoulder, squeezing it tightly to let him know that he understood what it felt like. Jungkook glanced up at his elder, nodding absentmindedly. Jungkook still wanted to ask Namjoon about you but he figured this wasn't the right time, no matter how angry he was about being left in the dark.

"Delirium at 9. I'll see you all then." Namjoon said, glancing at everyone before leaving to go back to you.

_____________________________________________

You eyed the man in the kitchen, watching his every move as he cleaned the counters passionately. You had woken up in the morning to find Namjoon gone and this new butler in the house. It was quite amusing how there was a new butler already, Walter having left just the previous night. Namjoon must be really superior, you concluded, sipping on your cup of coffee.

Your fingers grazed the bandage on your forehead, memories from last night still burning in your mind. You missed Namjoon and the way he had held you. It was as if he was trying to shield you from everything bad in the world. You couldn't understand what was going on but you certainly liked him. And now that you thought about it, it seemed inevitable. A man like him surely had many admirers. You were just another one in the crowd.

You heard the front door slam shut, your body flinching in surprise as you turned around in your seat. Namjoon entered the living room, his eyes glaring at everything that came in his way. Work must have been hard on him.

"You came back early, today." You said, smiling at him softly when he looked at you with slightly wide eyes. His expression changed within a second, the frown on his eyebrows now smoothed out completely and his lips flashing you a small smile. His legs dragged him towards you and he sat beside you, glancing at the new butler.

Sangmin was here on Rex's recommendation. According to the boy, Sangmin was as skilled as a man his age could be. Due to the urgency, Namjoon decided to take him in. Hopefully, you'd be in better hands whenever Namjoon wasn't at home.

Namjoon sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head on the backrest. He was stressed and anxious, the upcoming events wearing him out completely. He wasn't ready to know why Hana was doing what she was doing. Did 16 years of friendship suddenly mean nothing to her? Did she forget everything that she had promised him?

"Namjoon, have you ever danced?" Your voice ran in his ears, making him immediately look at you as if you were an alien. He slowly registered your words in his brain, wondering why you would ask something like that out of the blue?

"Danced? Does head banging when I was home alone at the age of 9 count?"

You ended up throwing your head back and laughing, almost imagining what it would look like. Namjoon grinned, satisfied with the response he got from you, his heart melting at the way your eyes closed shut and crinkled. For sometime, he completely forgot the situation he was currently in. He didn't care that Hana betrayed him. He didn't care that he had lost a best friend. He just didn't care.

You stood up and proceeded to place your empty coffee cup in the kitchen, running back out and stretching your hand out to Namjoon. Namjoon frowned, eyes flickering between your face and your hand. He hesitantly placed his hand on yours, only to have you push it away.

"As much as I like your hands, I actually want your phone." You stated, shaking your hand to make him hurry up. Namjoon pulled out his phone and handed it to you after unlocking it. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and watching you as you stuck your tongue out and connected his phone to the music player at the corner of the room.

You were only trying to distract Namjoon from whatever was bothering him. Namjoon wasn't very good at hiding his despair and you understood that. His shoulders would always sulk and his smile would never quite reach his eyes. It felt bad to see him sad, knowing that you were of no help at all. So here you were, searching up a song and pressing the play button before leaving it on top of the music player. With a deep inhale, you turned around and slowly walked towards Namjoon, stretching your hand out again.

"May I have this dance, Mr Kim?" Namjoon chuckled, standing up and shaking his head. From what he had seen in movies, he knew he was supposed to be the one asking. So he bowed in front of you and placed his palm forward, glancing up at you with all the affection he could gather. Your heart fluttered, a shy smile dancing on your lips as you gently placed your hand in his. If you thought that was the best thing Namjoon could have done, then you were wrong because the next thing you knew, his lips were pressed against the back of your hand.

Keep your cool, Y/N.

You told yourself, ignoring the way Namjoon's eyes gazed at you. So much attention was surely gonna be the death of you. You bit your lip harshly to stop the grin from showing itself, Namjoon's hands finding their way to your waist. You were definitely shocked at how much Namjoon already knew.

The silence of the room had been replaced by the soft chords of a guitar, your eyes lighting up when a male voice filled your ears. This was one song that you used to listen to whenever you felt lonely and lost, pretending that you did have someone who loved you. That was far from reality when your life was all about being used like a rag but it was different now. Perhaps you could find someone who really loved you.

Maybe that person was right in front of you.

You swayed with your arms around Namjoon's neck, his feet moving in sync with yours.

Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in.

Lie down with me and hold me, in your arms.

Namjoon swore his heart was being too fuzzy now. He hadn't felt this way before. Not even when he had a crush on Hana. It was so intense that Namjoon had to convince himself that he wasn't in love. At least not yet. But was he even being honest with himself?

And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck.

I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.

Your body was pressed against Namjoon's, your heart pounding in your chest. Your cheeks were too warm now and you felt dizzy. The air was thick, but not in an uncomfortable way. You could feel Namjoon's breath on your face, your eyes stuck on his. Life hated you, yes, but you weren't so sure anymore. After surviving your entire childhood, you were finally living. With a man who had a kind heart and was willing to do a lot for you. There was no way you would ever be able to repay him for everything he had done for you so far. At least not in this life.

And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now.

Namjoon leaned closer, every ounce of self control having been lost. All he could think about now was how perfect you were. His eyes were now fixed on your lips, already thinking how good they would feel against his. He promised himself that he wasn't gonna let you go, no matter how many more lies he was gonna have to spew. No matter how many secrets he was gonna have to hide. Because you belonged with him. You were saving him and you didn't know that.

Kiss me like you wanna be loved

You wanna be loved. You wanna be loved.

You took in a shaky breath when Namjoon's hand cupped your cheek, tucking your hair behind your ear. Your hands tightly held on to each other behind his neck, your chest heaving in nervousness. You wanted this. You wanted him to kiss you. You wanted him to show you that you weren't broken. You moved your hands to the back of his head, your fingers tangling in his hair as you hesitantly pulled him towards you. You closed your eyes, his lips barely an inch away from yours. Just as Namjoon was about to close the little distance that remained, a loud clang echoed through the room, making you both flinch and pull away.

Your head whipped towards the kitchen, your eyes falling on the utensil that lay on the ground. Namjoon cursed under his breath, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. So damn close.

He clenched his jaw and walked towards the kitchen, glaring at Sangmin as you followed behind. "Sorry, Mr Kim. It slipped from my fingers." The man bowed, your head shaking in response to his apology. It was a mistake and nothing had been damaged anyway.

"That's okay. Don't worry about it. It's time for me to leave for work so I'll go get ready." You stated, turning on your heels and rushing towards your room. Your cheeks were hot and your breathing was uneven. You tapped your cheeks to pull yourself back to reality, scowling at your heart which was uncontrollably fluttering in your chest.

You closed the door to your room, leaning your back against it and sighing in relief. You weren't gonna deny the fact that you were disappointed, your work uniform mocking you from your bed. Things could have happened but here you were, dragging yourself to work without letting Namjoon know anything about your job. You pursed your lips and pulled your hair up, getting ready to go and cover your shift at Club Delirium.

Taglist: @uwunamjoon @shadowstark @all-fandoms-rise @tzuyyyuuu @stressedinmedschool247 @ifellinluvwithdorks @min-t-posts @floofwrites @pretty-in-pink-just-because @bts-d-onut @fangirllbookworm @mystical-writer @it-is-dana @ximaginx @kpopgirlbtssvt @pearylove @anothermisspark @annoyingpessimist @motivation-idontknowher @atwoodscott @soundofwonderland @btsarmysvtcarat @i-am-supermerwholoked221b @bunnymaknaereacts @iamcrazyforkdramas @ddaeing @basicallyanothernotebook @btsxdoll @spike-meowsters

Tell me what you think and if you wanna be tagged! Interesting stuff coming soon!

-XX

[casdaffresesquisses]

The Blind Child's Soliloquy

The truck driver stood there, between the parking lot and the tower's main hallway, next to the intercom. His lips were moving silently, his eyes fixated on the button next to "Shoxe Hip".

He placed a finger on it, took a deep breath, pressed the button. A stuttering buzzing noise rang out.

After a few seconds, came the sound of a handset being picked up, and a husky feminine voice. "Yes ?"

"Please don't hang up."

It took him 7.75 seconds until he broke the silence.

"Thank you." He leaned closer to the microphone. "I will not come up to your apartment and I won't take too much of your time. All I want to tell you are the reasons for what happened."

Silence.

"I am breaking that promise I made to myself to get out of your life, but I need you to have the whole truth, I can't let you go like this. It's not fair to anyone, neither you or me."

"_________"

"It's necessary that you hear it. It has to do with some people that I knew for a very short while, and a guy that I don't even know."

His face got a little more tense, he closed his eyes for a second, then began.

"This is the kind of guy who doesn't go out a lot. Doesn't have a lot of friends, family is far away and not too overbearing, his hobbies involve computer stuff and electronic music. An organisation noticed him, and they selected him for a process that's important to their projects, but that's not relevant to our story. They called him the candidate, and they needed to lure him to a precise place in a shitty building to do their stuff, which is when they contacted a few people. I was one of them."

"They told me that they needed "Story Seeds". What they did is that they implanted something in my skull, something that would select random memories, dilute them, and use them to give life to an illusion, a lure for the operation. The memories would be lost, otherwise it doesn't work."

"______"

"They told me it was impossible to know what I was going to forget, a few of them tried to dissuade me from going on and tried to appeal to whatever I'd love to remember. But in, what's it called... My hubris I guess, I just assumed that nothing in my life was really worth a place in my mind's palace."

"_______"

"When the implant began to do its thing to my brain during the lure operation, I felt nothing. I did not notice anything going away, going fuzzy or encrypted. The whole operation went smoothly, I went home. But then came that wednesday night, and you tried to talk to me. And I asked you that fucking question. I can't even say that it came out not the way I wanted to, because I did not even think about how it would sound. I just said it. And as soon as it was out I understood how horrible, completely awkward it was." He gritted his teeth.

"__________________"

"There isn't anything left of whatever we shared. There's like just this, just this artificial blackness that is there instead. As if I closed my eyes and put on white noise at full blast in my ears, complete void. But when I understood that I just ruined something important, this overwhelming, dreadful grief came over me. I cried myself to sleep that night, and in the morning, half a second after I woke up, the sadness disarmed me again, paralysed me."

"And I can't blame the guys, they tried to warn me, that was my decision, my responsibility." He said, defeated.

"Now you have to know, I don't expect any kind of forgiveness... What you need to know is, how I felt during these moments didn't go away. All the details and anecdotes, they're maybe gone forever, but I can feel the emotional prints they left and I am certain that, had they not been pulled away by techno-sorcery, they would have remained until my brain cells melt."

The intercom remained silent.

"I still cringe at what I did and I'm sorry but, I don't see myself ever stopping to. Because that's my truest self, a repressed, ugly little boy who cannot begin to think that he matters to anyone, so he assumes his head's contents are worthless. I see past that now, and everyday I pray that this will serve as a lesson for my future self."

No sound came out of the intercom.

"I know that the world you live in is packed with exciting stuff ; of course jerks like me can be stumbled upon, but wonderful bright things will also be there for you. I have no fear for you, what you lost here is meaningless."

Something that seemed like air being expelled through the nose.

"I... Every time my mind comes back to our thing, the feeling of shame is so small compared to the shadow of what we had. I can't describe it, but it is as if I knocked at a door to another reality, you opened, we spoke, and I slammed the door shut. I can't be sure about what lies beyond, but I remember the door, I know it exists and I got through it. And I can sense that it shined a light that thawed my eyes."

"So again, thank you for bringing this to me."

He stood in front of the intercom twenty seconds more. For a moment he believed he could hear a breathing, but he could not be sure, and he did not want to be.

While the sun set, he headed back to his car ; and as he unlocked its door, he looked up at the left window of the third floor.

"I will remember what I can."