#and then he makes me feel bad for not going to school today
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2001 - theo nott x reader
Honey, what you runnin' from? When you comin' back to bed? Toss and turnin' all night long with me instead Honey, what you runnin' from? Where the hell you headed to? Do you like the way I run after you?
or, theo doesnât understand whatâs holding you back from taking things further
a/n - I think I would classify this soft core smut at best? But adding an 18+ tag jic
tropes/warnings - 18+ MDNI, fluff
word count - 1.6k
âFucking hell. Hide me.â
You shrunk yourself down the best that you could behind your best friend, Ivy, laser-focused on the boy at the other end of the hallway. Ivy rolled her eyes, making no effort to help.
âI canât believe you still wonât tell me what happened that night. It canât have been that bad.â
âIt was,â you muttered, stupidly trying to get Ivy to cooperate. It was no easy task, especially on days like today when she was feeling particularly stubborn, which was a problem since the boy looked fully intent on approaching them.
âWill you relax? You look like an idiot. Like an even bigger idiot than usual. He probably doesnât even remember whatever-â
âIvy. Happy birthday. Sorry I couldnât make it to the party.â
Damn. You thought you had more time. Curse him and his unfairly long legs. Ivy did the grown-up thing, which was literally anything other than pretending she didnât see him. âItâs alright, Theo. You can make it up to me next year.â
âHow was it?â
âIt was nice, actually. We got a discount on -â
Ivy was cut off by a gentle tug, revealing a hunched-over you. You straightened hastily, clearing your throat, refusing to meet his gaze.
âL/N.â
âNott.â
âPlanning on dropping by tonight?â
You put on a straight face, looking politely confused. âHm?â
âThe party. Tonight.â
âOh. Where?â
Theo narrowed his eyes, and your face burned under the intensity of his gaze. It took everything you had to keep your features schooled while he shamelessly searched your face for what felt like far too long.
âThe Slytherin common room,â he replied, finally tearing his eyes away from you. You relaxed, blinking hard and a little breathless, your palms a little clammy. âCanât miss it. Just follow the stench of firewhiskey and bad ideas.â
Internally, you nearly passed out. Externally, you shrugged noncommittally. âSure. Maybe.â Definitely not. You werenât going to spend a second longer in Theoâs presence if you could help it.Â
You and Ivy get to the party and, as expected, youâre abandoned the second she finds Ivan through the crowd. You wander around before you decide to join a group of Slytherins on the couches, next to Theo. You get handed a drink. It burns your throat and makes your eyes water. The loud bass starts to sound more tolerable. Another drink. Theoâs frowning at you. You wonder if anyoneâs told him how good concern looks on his face. Everything is now ten times funnier. You press up against Theo, laughing yourself silly, leaning into his touch as he drapes an arm around you. Another drink. Youâre more than lightly flushed. Theo places a hand on your thigh. You donât move it away.Â
Eventually, you end up pressed against the door of Theoâs room, your mouths a heady mess of heat, teeth and tongues, your bodies moulding to each otherâs. Your eyes flutter shut, blissfully able to let go with your senses dulled by alcohol. You canât tell if itâs the music or your pulse vibrating through your body, but youâre aching for his touch. He presses a knee against your core and you groan into his mouth, melting into a boneless mush in his arms.
âTheodore,â you sighed desperately, breath catching in your throat. It was enough to slow his ministrations on your neck which had been filling your head with the most delicious kind of static. You never used his first name despite your best friends being glued by the lips since sixth year, mostly because you never went beyond exchanging civil pleasantries. Occasionally, youâd have a chat that wasnât entirely unpleasant, or youâd let your thoughts wander to his disarming blue eyes or wicked smile, but that was it. It never did, and it never could, go any further than that. You were too different. It would never work. Youâd only be setting yourself up for heartbreak. Nothing good could come of entangling with the illustrious Theodore Nott, figuratively or otherwise.
And to use his first name was to acknowledge the existence of this softer, kinder Theo - a version worlds away from that Nott boy with the aloof face and the piercing eyes. He hummed against your neck, thumbs restlessly skimming the waistband of your skirt.
âWe canât - we shouldnât,â you continued, once you were able to make sense of your fuzzy thoughts. You pushed him back gently, cool air rushing in to douse the heat of the moment. âOur friends have a whole thing. Weâd only get in the way. Itâs just a bad idea.â
His hands stilled on your hips. âI donât understand. What about our thing?â
He looked so dazed and so adorably dishevelled that you almost felt sorry for him. It was late, Theoâs words sounded dangerously close to slurring, and if you were being honest, you should have left the party hours ago. You stroked his cheek absentmindedly before gingerly slipping out of his hold, recovering your shirt. You slipped it on, fumbling at rhe buttons with trembling fingers, and turned back to see Theo still watching you, uncomprehending, his swollen lips parted in confusion.
âGet some sleep, Nott. Youâll get what I mean in the morning.â
âBye, Theo,â Ivy was saying now. âGive Ivan a kiss for me.â
âShould I feel him up while Iâm at it?â
âIt only seems right to give him the full experience.â
Ivy grinned as he walked off while you all but dragged her down the hall towards your next class.
âAw, come on, Y/N, heâs not that bad.â She glanced at you, eyes twinkling with mirth. âYou know, I always thought he has a thing for y-â
âArenât you late for Herbology?â
Ivy cursed as she fumbled at her wristwatch, hurrying down the corridor. In about a minute, sheâd realise that she didnât have Herbology today, but you decided to let her find that out herself.
Hours later, you were holed up in the library, desperately trying to plug your ears with all the ruckus going on floors below. Trying to focus was a losing battle.
âI thought Iâd find you here.â
Your head snapped up too see Theo leaning against one of the bookshelves. Busted. To be fair, she was nowhere near the worldâs best liar, so it was doubtful whether he had even believed her in the first place.
âNott,â you greeted, in a pleasant enough voice. âIs that the time? I hadnât realised the party had already started.â
The music continued blasting, more than audible to the two of them. Theo arched an eyebrow, slowly walking over, and you had the decency to look embarrassed over your bald-faced lie.
âI was planning to drop by later.â
âWell, you should.â
âMaybe I will:â
âItâs almost as fun as that last party ages ago.â
You stiffened at the memory. âAh. Yes.â
Theo leaned over you, broad-shouldered and hypnotising. He dragged his gaze across you inch by agonising inch, undressing you with his eyes. You were starting to feel uncomfortably warm in your uniform. He dropped his voice.
âFirst and last time I see you in my bed, hmm?â
You choked, failing to suppress the shiver prickling over your skin. âThatâs -Â stop it.â
âStop what?â
âTalking likeâŠthat.â You felt your face heat up all over again, cursing yourself for your inability to even pretend to keep your cool in front of him. âLooking at me like that.â
His gaze flickered to your chest, so brief youâd have missed it if you blinked. âLike what?âÂ
You let out a frustrated, overwhelmed sigh, your brain becoming oddly fixated on the memory of his hands on your hips, travelling up your ribcage, at the nape of your neck, grip tightening on your waist -
âGo on. Use your words.â
His breath tickled the shell of your ear, the closest heâd been to you since that night.Â
âLikeâŠlike you actually want me. Like Iâm something special.â
âYou are something special.â
You groaned and looked away. âIâm seeing someone,â you tried, half-heartedly. Theo snorted.
âWhat, that Davies guy? Yeah, like thatâs going to last.â
You couldnât even bring yourself to feel all that indignant on Daviesâ behalf. Not that you were going to let Theo know that. âIâll have you know that Mac is a perfect gentleman.â
âMy point is-â Theo started, irritatedly. You took a perverse sort of pleasure in ruffling his feathers. â- why the fuck are we talking about Davies when you could be in my bed, doing far more interesting things with that mouth?â
âOr maybe itâs something else entirely. Perhaps you like having me run after you. Is that where you get off, hmm? The thrill of the chase? Being a tease?â
âI am not a -â you began hotly, before you caught the mischievous twinkle in his eye. You rolled your eyes. âYouâre too cocky for your own good,â you muttered.Â
âI thought you like me cocky,â he teased. His expression softened the next second and you watched him trace lazy circles on your wrist.
âBesidesâŠIâve never tried this hard to get into someoneâs pants.â
You gave a shaky laugh. Theo bent down once more, this time to press a kiss to your lips, then another, and another, until you were lying on your back on the table, looking sinfully ravished, blouse long forgotten.
One night couldnât hurt, could it?
#theodore nott#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott x you#theodore nott x y/n#theo nott x reader#theo nott#theodore nott fluff#theo nott smut#theodore nott smut#theodore nott imagine#Spotify
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Hogsmeade(Chapter Four)
Mattheo Riddle x F!Reader
Warnings: None
One of the great things about being a third year is you now had the ability to go to Hogsmeade with your parentsâ permission. The first visit was today and you already got your permission slip turned in. You got dressed, feeling free out of the school uniform already and were ready for more freedom by leaving the school grounds.
You strolled with your friends through the castle, following the other students who were going to Hogsmeade as well. You spotted Mattheo staying back in the courtyard, watching his friends leave and you ditched your group to walk over to him.
âYouâre not coming?â You asked and he turned his head to look at you.
âNo.â He shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets.
âWhy not?â You furrowed your eyebrows.
âDidnât get the permission slip signed. Itâs fine.â He shrugged, looking back out at the students leaving the grounds.
You frown, following his eyes before looking back at him. âThatâs not fair. Everyone should be able to go.â
âI can always sneak out when no one would be there to snitch on me.â He said, acting like he wasnât upset he couldnât go with everyone.
âDo you want me to stay with you? I donât mind.â You offered and he looked back at you.
âNo, you go have fun. Donât worry about me.â He said before turning back to head inside the castle.
You watched him leave before following the other students to Hogsmeade, trying to catch back up to your friends.
After a few hours of roaming the shops and exploring the little town, you start heading back to the castle with a few of your friends. You felt bad the whole time knowing Mattheo couldnât go. And you had your suspicions that the reason wasnât as simple as he forgot to get it signed, but that he couldnât. Maybe his mom refused to sign it? Or couldnât? Maybe she wasnât around? You obviously knew who his dad was, but he never talked about his mom.
You broke off from your friends after getting to the castle and looked around for him, hoping he was in a better mood than before. You found him alone in one of the corridors, staring at one of the random statues.
âMattheo!â You called as you walked over to him.
âHow was Hogsmeade, princess?â He asked as he turned towards you, walking towards you and leaning against the wall when you got closer.
âIt was okay. You really didnât miss out on anything.â You said, pulling your bag in front of you to dig something out. âBut I did get you something.â
âYou got me something?â He asked, clearly confused on why you would do that.
âYeah. Nothing crazy.â You pulled out a small bag of treats. You really didnât know what he liked, so you grabbed a bag of sweets pretty much everyone likes, and you also grabbed a box of Bertie Bottâs beans so he could do something fun with his friends. You handed him the treats, fixing your bag strap as you looked at him, hoping he liked it.
âWhy?â He asked, holding onto the items.
âWell, you know, you didnât get to go, so I thought Iâd at least get you some sweets. And then I saw the beans and thought it might be something fun to do with your friends.â You shrugged, internally cringing at your weak explanation.
âThanks.â He said, still looking slightly weary. âSo nothing fun happened there?â
âNot unless you count Enzo slipping on the way there, so he got covered in mud, but refused to go back just to change.â You felt bad for Enzo, but you knew it would be something Mattheo would find funny.
He smiled slightly at the mental image. âIs he on his way back? I wanna see how pissed he is.â
âProbably by now, yeah. He looked pretty upset the last time I saw him.â You said.
âOh, now I gotta see this. Thatâll make this day a lot better.â He said, heading towards the front of the castle.
âYouâre awful.â You shook your head but followed him anyways.
âHeâs not hurt. Itâs fine.â He said, turning to walk backwards to talk to you.
âItâs mean to laugh at him.â You said, but it was hard fighting the smile, especially seeing him in a better mood.
âI wonât laugh. I just wanna see it.â The smile on his face said otherwise though.
âAgain, youâre awful.â
He chuckled and turned back around, running now with you after him to see poor Enzo all covered in mud.
You both made it just in time to see the other boys entering the castle with Enzo grumbling about his clothes. Mattheo laughed at him from your spot on the stairs above them.
You hit his arm playfully. âYou said you wouldnât laugh.â You shook your head at him.
âCome on. Thatâs funny.â He gestured to the poor boy covered in mud that had dried by now, making him uncomfortable.
âIâll remember that, Riddle. You seem to forget that I know where you sleep.â Enzo shouted up to us when he heard Mattheo laughing.
Mattheo just laughed at him, leaning on the railing and watching the boys head back to the Slytherin dorms to presumably change and put away the things they bought.
You rolled your eyes at him and walked away to your own dorm to put away your own stuff.Â
Mattheo would never dare tell you this, but he hates the candy you got him. He thinks itâs disgusting. But instead of throwing it out, he stored it in a drawer. He doesnât think he could honestly bear your disappointed face if he told you he didnât like them.
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Open Arms Chapter One
steve harrington x fem!reader word count : 6k Rewrite/Character Insert of Stranger Things ~1984~ This chapter takes place during Season 2 Episodes 1-5
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
Another day in Hawkins. Another day of high school. Another day stuck in the same small, sleepy town youâve known for as long as you can remember. It feels like nothing ever changes here, like every day just blurs into the next, predictable and quiet.
Every day, you wake up wishing for some kind of miracle, something that could shake things up, make life a little less ordinary. Something that could turn your world⊠Upside Down.
âY/N!â your mom calls out from the kitchen, âIs Steve giving you a ride today?â
You scoff, rolling your eyes. âMom, seriouslyâŠwhen was the last time Steve drove me to school? He has a girlfriend to pick up now.â
Steve, your best friend since the first grade. To everyone else he was The Reigning King of Hawkins High. To you he was just the boy next door who reigns havoc on your life, makes everything a little more complicated whether you want it or not.Â
Your mom hums thoughtfully. âMaybe itâs time you found yourself a boyfriend.â
âIâm perfectly fine, thanks.â
She gives a little shrug. âIâm just saying, wouldnât it be nice to be taken out on a date once in a while?â
âMom,â you sigh, âplease take your matchmaking somewhere else.â
Sheâs not wrong, though. You havenât let yourself even think about dating anyone else since the last âalmostâ with Steve. Around a year ago, heâd done something reckless enough to mess up things with Nancy, and she seemed to be getting closer to Jonathan Byers. You had just gotten out of a relationship yourself.Â
It happens every time: he messes things up with a girl, or youâre fresh out of a breakup, and suddenly, like clockwork, youâre back in each otherâs lives, circling each other. Itâs as if youâre both bound to this endless cycle of almostsâfalling together just to fall apart again. You know the game by heart, and youâre tired of it, tired of the late nights that never lead to anything real, the unspoken words that hang heavy in the air between you both. But still, you canât seem to let go.
Nothing ever actually happens. You just end up crashing at each otherâs houses, watching movies till you both fall asleep, or driving out to Loverâs Lake to stargaze and rant about your trainwreck love lives. But you both know what it isâand what it isnât. The truth is, youâre bound by a history no one else could touch. Growing up together, you made the stupid decision of being a lot of each otherâs firsts, and youâve always been the one person who truly gets him. Itâs a bond that runs deeper than most things in your life, yet it never seems to go anywhere beyond these stolen moments. And maybe thatâs why it hurts the mostâknowing heâs always right there but never fully yours.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
At school, you overhear the girls in the hallway whispering about the new guy in town. Though âguyâ isnât the word they useâtheyâre calling him a real man, with a muscle car to match and actual muscles to back it up. Youâve never been the type to shy away from guys, and youâve certainly never had any trouble attracting attention. Still, something about the way they talk about him piques your curiosity, though youâd never admit it.
You notice the once-empty locker beside yours is finally in use, a few things tossed inside. You wonder briefly who claimed it. That curiosity doesnât last long.
âExcuse me, gorgeous, but I think thatâs my locker.â
You turn to find the living, breathing embodiment of the girlsâ descriptions. Tall, sharp-jawed, with piercing blue eyes, and that effortless, cocky grin. You donât even have to ask if itâs him.
âOhâmy bad,â you say, stepping aside.
âAnd whatâs your name?â he asks, his smile unwavering.
Who does he remind you of?
âY/NâŠâ You try to pinpoint it, that nagging sense of familiarity.
He tosses his keys into the locker, eyes still fixed on yours, something almost playful in his gaze.
Then it hits you.
âIâmââ
âKnight Rider?â you say slyly, a smirk playing at your lips. He blushes just a little, caught off guard, and you savor the small victory.
âWell played,â he says, taking your hand into his for a confident but gentle shake.
âThatâs just the beginning,â you respond, shutting your locker with a quiet click, eager to keep the mystery between you two alive.
âI hope so. Iâm Billy by the way,â he replies, his voice softer now, still slightly in awe of you. Thereâs something in his eyesâa challenge. And you can tell, heâs baited.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
At lunch, you find yourself walking through the crowded cafeteria, scanning the room for a familiar face. As luck would have it, you bump into Nancy and Steve near the food line.
âHey,â Steve greets, his voice laced with a hint of curiosity. âWhat did you think of the new guy? Total douche, right?â
You catch the look on his face, a mix of hope and something else you canât quite place. Itâs clear heâs fishing for your opinion, eager for you to agree with him.
You shrug, trying to keep your tone casual, though you canât hide the small smirk tugging at your lips. âI meanâŠâ Your voice comes out just a bit higher than usual, betraying your uncertainty. âHeâs like the entire cast of The Outsiders wrapped up in one package.â You leave it at that, the playful jab hanging in the air between you three.
Nancy chuckles, gripping her tray closely as she looks between you and Steve. You take the opportunity to point at her, nodding toward Steve. âLooks like your girl might agree with me too.â
Nancy gasps and bursts into laughter. âI donât know, I guess. Heâs not really my type though.â
You smirk, not missing a beat. âThatâs so funny, because Iâm pretty sure I saw a David Hasselhoff photo in your locker just last week?â
Steveâs face falls slightly, and you catch the brief flash of disappointment in his eyes. âOh please,â he says, his tone a bit too defensive, âhe is not David Hasselhoff.â
âKnight Rider,â Nancy interjects, her eyes darting between you and Steve. You both freeze, caught off guard.
âWhat?â You ask, happy she sees the resemblance too.
Nancy looks back and forth between you two, realization dawning on her. âHe has the car, the curls, and the musâmuscle car.â
You raise an eyebrow, teasing her. âYou just said the car twice. Sure you didnât mean another kind of muscle?â
Nancy giggles at your comment, but Steve pushes you playfully, though thereâs a layer of something more in his touchâlike heâs trying to keep things light but it doesnât quite feel like it used to.
âHave I told you that I hate you?â Steve mutters under his breath, though itâs more playful than anything else.
You smile, your tone laced with the usual teasing. âAll too often.â
But as you both lock eyes, something shifts. Itâs not just a playful exchange anymore. The usual banter feels heavy now, the space between you both thick with unspoken words. Steveâs smile doesnât quite reach his eyes, and you wonder if heâs feeling the same distance creeping between you two that youâve been trying so hard to ignore. You quickly look away, forcing the feeling down as Nancy continues to laugh, unaware of the sudden tension lingering.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
Youâre walking down the hall, a few steps ahead of Steve, the sounds of lockers slamming and voices all around you fading as the tension between you both hangs in the air. Every time you glance over your shoulder, his gaze is already on youâlingering, just a bit too long.
You both fall into an uneasy silence. Itâs not the comfortable quiet you used to share, but something heavier. Something unspoken.
You stop for a moment, unsure of what to say. âIâll see you in class,â you murmur, turning to leave.
But Steveâs voice stops you. âHey,â he calls softly, his hand brushing yours as he steps into your path. His touch is warm, too warm for something so casual. His fingers linger for a split second before he pulls away, but the moment still sits between you, unresolved.
You look up, meeting his eyes. His usual cocky confidence is gone, replaced by something more vulnerable. Itâs almost as if heâs waiting for you to say something, anything to break the silence.
âSteveâŠâ You donât know what youâre going to say. You want to say something that makes it all feel normal again, but the words feel stuck in your throat.
He opens his mouth, hesitates, then shuts it again. âNever mind.â The smile he forces doesnât reach his eyes again. Itâs strained, tight. And suddenly, you canât look at him anymore.
Turning quickly, you walk past him, your heartbeat pounding in your ears.
From down the hall, Nancy watches the exchange, arms folded, leaning against the locker as she observes. Thereâs no jealousy in her gazeâsheâs been there too. She knows the space between two people who care for each other but donât know how to bridge it. Sheâs seen it with Jonathan, with the way they get tangled in unspoken words and moments that feel like too much, but too little at the same time. Itâs just the way things go sometimes.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
*Flashback*
1 year ago
Itâs a Friday afternoon, and the hallways of Hawkins High are quieter than usual. Most of the students have gone home, leaving the echoes of footsteps and lockers slamming shut. You and Steve are walking side by side, the familiar warmth of his presence at your side like it always has beenâcomforting, easy.
You laugh as Steve pulls an exaggerated face, trying to get you to laugh at his antics as he mimics one of the teachers. You roll your eyes, but you canât help the smile spreading across your face.
âYouâre such an idiot,â you tease, nudging him with your shoulder.
He bumps you back, almost knocking you into the lockers. âYou love me for it,â he smirks, and thereâs a hint of something else in his gaze, something unspoken that lingers between you, like a question neither of you has the courage to ask.
You roll your eyes again, but thereâs no denying the way your heart skips. âYeah, maybe,â you say, trying to brush it off. But you both know that maybe means something more.
You reach the end of the hallway, your steps slowing as the moment stretches, neither of you wanting to be the first to turn back, to end this rare, quiet time between just the two of you.
He glances over at you, his steps slowing, his voice quieter when he speaks again. âHey, so⊠Bryan still around?â
You stop walking, surprised by the question, but itâs Steve, and itâs always been easy with him. âNo,â you reply, shaking your head. âHeâs out of the picture.â
Steveâs expression softens, a slight smile playing on his lips as if the weight of something between you two has been lifted. âGood. He never really seemed like the right guy for you.â
Your breath catches slightly at the unexpected warmth in his words, but you donât let it show. âYeah, well⊠sometimes you donât really see things until itâs too late.â
Steve nods, looking down for a moment as if heâs trying to decide something. He looks back up at you, his usual carefree grin returning. âWell, if youâre not busy tonight, you wanna come over to my place? We can grab some takeout, watch movies⊠you know, normal hangout stuff.â
Thereâs something in his invitation that feels different this time, but you brush it off. Itâs Steve. He always invites you over. Youâve done it a million times beforeâmovies, pizza, talking about everything and nothing. Itâs what you do.
âYeah,â you agree, âsounds good.â
Steveâs eyes flicker down to your lips, then back to your eyes, his expression shifting. You feel your stomach flutter, the air between you thickening as the playful banter dies down.
You find yourself leaning in, just a bit, and you see Steveâs breath catch, the tip of his nose almost brushing yours.
But before you can get any closer, a loud bang from down the hall makes both of you snap apart like youâve been caught.
You both step back, instantly awkward, eyes darting everywhere except at each other. The spell breaks, but the tension still lingers, heavy in the air. You glance at Steve, and his expression is unreadableâlike heâs trying to hide something, or maybe itâs you whoâs hiding it.
You break the silence first, a half-laugh escaping your lips. âWell⊠that was close.â
Steve rubs the back of his neck, looking embarrassed but also relieved. âYeah, totally. Weâre justâuh, messing around, right?â
You nod, trying to brush it off, but your heart is racing, and you know he feels it too. âRight. Just messing around.â
But neither of you says anything more. You both head in opposite directions down the hallway, still feeling the echo of what almost happened, both of you wondering if the other is thinking about it too.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
At last, itâs the day of the party. Youâve spent longer than youâd like to admit getting ready, but youâre finally happy with your look. Blue bell-bottom jeans, a tight orange top with a center zip that falls just below the line of modestyâitâs bold, but you feel good in it. Confident, even.
You arrive at the party, a mix of excitement and nerves swirling inside you. The music pulses through the house, and people are scattered, laughing and talking, their faces blurry in the haze of a dimly lit room. As much as you try to act like you donât care, the anxiety creeps in. Funny how someone so confident can still feel out of place in a crowd.
You push through, trying to find your core group, but as you weave through the bodies, thereâs really only one person youâre looking for. Steve. The one person who has always had a way of making you feel like you belong.
On your way through the crowd, you bump into Jonathan Byers. Another one of your longtime friends. Youâve all grown up together in Hawkins, so youâve seen each other through the yearsâsome friendships stronger than others, but still, itâs hard to forget those familiar faces.
âJonathan!â you call out with a smile, pulling him into a quick hug. âLoving the look, very you.â You nod at his usual, low-key styleâflannel and jeans. Heâs always been the quiet, thoughtful one in the group, and you just want him to feel good about his understated vibe.
âI like⊠your shirt,â he says, his words trailing off awkwardly.
Well, at least your shirt is doing what you intended it to. Maybe just not with the target audience.
âLooking for Nancy?â you ask, hoping heâll pick up the conversation.
âYeah,â Jonathan responds, his hands shoved in his pockets. âI donât really associate with anyone else here.â
You put on a mock-offended face, âOuch.â
He immediately backpedals, realizing how it sounded. âI mean, you were gone for a while. We kinda lost touch.â His gaze drops a little, clearly uncomfortable, referring to the time when your parents separated again, and you spent some months with your mom in California. It had been a rough time for you, especially being away from Steve. Youâre still not sure how you survived that.
âWell, Iâm back now,â you say, brushing off the past. âCome on, join me. Iâm on a mission to find Steve and Nancy.â
Jonathan nods, grateful for the company. âAlright, lead the way.â
And there he is, leaning against the wall by the kitchen, laughing at something someone said, a bottle of beer loosely held in his hand. Heâs effortlessly cool as usual, but thereâs something different tonight. Maybe itâs the way his eyes flicker over to Nancy every now and then, or the tightness in his posture that betrays the casual air heâs trying to maintain.
Nancy stands next to him, arms crossed, her jaw clenched in that familiar way when sheâs upsetâthough itâs hard to say if itâs the alcohol or something else thatâs fueling her frustration tonight. Sheâs leaning a little too heavily on the counter, her face flushed, the words sheâs muttering barely audible over the noise of the party.
Steveâs smile is gone now, replaced by a more serious expression. Heâs trying to keep things light, but itâs clear sheâs not having it.Â
As you and Jonathan walk toward the kitchen, you spot Steve and Nancy in their little world, tucked away by the counter. You can hear the edge in Nancyâs voice, even from a distance, though you canât make out the words. Jonathan follows your gaze, his brow furrowing. You canât blame him for looking the way he doesâheâs been around long enough to know the dance between Steve and Nancy.
âIs she okay?â you ask, your voice quiet, though it feels more like an automatic question than one you really expect an answer to. Youâve seen enough of this cycle to know the routine.
Jonathan glances over, shaking his head just slightly. âI donât think so,â he says, a rare seriousness in his tone. âBut you know Nancy. Sheâll push through.â
You feel the knot in your stomach tighten as you watch Steveâs stance shift, his body leaning toward Nancy as if trying to reach her without crowding her, trying to give her space but also not let her slip too far away. Thereâs something fragile in the air, something more than just the tension between them. Itâs like Steveâs holding on by a thread, and maybe Nancy is, too, but neither of them wants to admit it.
âYou should probably go talk to them,â Jonathan says, glancing at you. He doesnât know what to say either, but itâs obvious that Steveâs been trying to manage things on his own. You could step inâor let him handle it.
You glance at Jonathan again, silently debating what to do. Jonathan nudges you gently with his elbow. âYou good?â he asks. You nod, taking a step forward, your voice hesitant but warm. âHey, guys, whatâs going on?â you ask, trying to break through the tension without adding to it.
Nancy shoots you a sharp look before turning away, but Steve doesnât seem to mind. Heâs got that defeated, yet resigned, look on his face as he exhales deeply. Heâs trying to hide it, but the frustration is written all over him.
âJust the usual,â Steve says with a small, forced smile, looking at you.
Nancy, still with her arms crossed, shoots you a look that says more than her words do. Itâs not that sheâs mad at you; itâs just that she doesnât want to be the center of attention right now. Sheâs not ready to have the conversation.
Jonathan stands by you, hands in his pockets, waiting for you to say something. You donât know what the right thing is. The silence in the room is thick now.
âIâm gonna go get another drink,â Nancy slurs, her words trailing off as she pushes past Steve, whoâs still trying to calm her down.
âPlease donât,â Steve says, his voice low and frustrated, but heâs too late. He sighs and chases after her, leaving you standing alone for the moment.
Not long after, a voice youâre starting to recognize from the past few days calls out from behind you.
âSo if Iâm Knight Rider, then who does that make you?â Billyâs voice is smooth, cocky, and unmistakable. Heâs standing just a few feet away now, that grin still plastered on his face.
You turn to meet his gaze, letting a playful smile tug at the corners of your lips. You raise an eyebrow, a silent challenge in your eyes. âYouâll have to learn more about me to find out.â
He steps a little closer, eyes narrowing with amusement. âWhen?â
The question hangs in the air, and for a split second, you feel that old rush of excitementâthe thrill of the unknown. Remembering your momâs less-than-subtle hints this morning, you decide to play along.
âHow about Wednesday night? We can go see the new Terminator movie. You look like someone who appreciates a little Arnold Schwarzenegger,â you say, testing the waters, letting a hint of flirtation slip into your voice.
Billy doesnât hesitate, that confident grin of his widening. âItâs a date. Iâll pick you up. AndâŠIâve been to the gym Arnold works out in.âÂ
You raise your hand to stop him, a slight smirk on your face. âRightâŠIâm sure you have. Also, Iâve seen how you drive your car. Maybe Iâll meet you there,â you tease, enjoying the playful banter.
He chuckles, stepping back, his eyes twinkling with a mischievous glint. âIâll go nice and slow just for you.â
You canât help but laugh at that, the tension between you both shifting into something lighter, something you havenât felt in a while. But as you look past him, your eyes flicker briefly to Steve, catching him trying to pry the solo cup out of Nancyâs hand. Just as the music halts, that red solo cup and the red mystery punch within it spills all over Nancyâs white shirt.Â
Her face is in complete disbelief, she sways back and forth her reaction clearly slowed down by her alcohol intake.
âScrew you.âÂ
Jonathan follows her quickly into the bathroom.Â
âYou know,â Billy starts again, âRumor has it that you and Harrington have quite the colorful history? Why is it that you two arenât prom king and queen this year?âÂ
Something in Billyâs tone instantly makes you second-guess your plans for Wednesday. His fading smirk tells you heâs noticed the flash of disdain on your face.
âWhat does it matter if youâre the one taking me on a date Wednesday?â you say, your voice edged with a warning. Youâre feeling oddly protective over you and Harringtonâs history, a past thatâs none of Billyâs business.
Billy raises an eyebrow, caught off guard but intrigued. âFair enough,â he replies, but the cocky glint in his eyes lingers, as if heâs still sizing up the situation.
Shortly after, you spot Steve storming out of the bathroom alone, Nancy nowhere in sight. His expression is tense as he heads straight for the drink station, a familiar frustration in his stride. You catch a glimpse of Jonathan making his way toward Nancy, so you turn to Billy with a polite excuse and make your way over to Steve.
âHey, you donât need to be drinking any more right now,â you say, noticing that Steve has downed two cups of punch in the short walk it took to reach him.
âIâve got a pretty damn good reason to,â he mutters, his jaw tight as he opens a beer.
âSteve, you donât have to tell me what happened, but at least think about the fact that you still have to drive home,â you warn, trying to keep your tone light.
He shrugs, avoiding your eyes. âYou can drive me.â
âI never volunteered for that,â you reply, crossing your arms.
For a moment, he looks at you, really looks at you, and you can tell heâs realizing that things are different. Youâre not just there to pick up his pieces anymore. You have your own life to live tonightâa party to enjoy, and maybe even boys to dance with. The weight of another round of Steve-and-Nancy drama? Thatâs not something youâre willing to carry this time.
âYouâre right,â Steve says, setting the beer down with a sigh. âIâll just go sit out on the porch and sober up a bit. Then Iâll head out. And I wanna make sure Nancy gets home safe.â
You give his arm a quick squeeze, silently admiring that, even in the middle of an argument, heâs still looking out for her. That is⊠until his gaze drifts to the front door, where he sees Jonathan helping a barely-standing Nancy out to his car.
Crap.
âGo sit on the porch. Iâll be right there,â you say quickly, hinting youâll handle it. You rush outside to catch up with Jonathan. âYou know how this looks, right?â
Jonathan gives a solemn nod. âShe asked me.â
Nancy lifts her head slightly, her words slurred and muddled. âI donât want⊠Steve to take me home. Not Steve. I want to see Barbâs parents. Take me to Barbâs house.â
You pause, taken aback. âBarbâs parents? Why do you want to see Barbâs parents right now?â
Jonathan stiffens, worry flickering in his eyes. âUh, I really think I should get her home now. Maybe check on Steve too.â
Without another word, theyâre off, leaving you standing in the night with a sense of unease. You know Barbara Holland was Nancyâs best friend, missing since last year. But why would she bring that up now? And why with such urgency?
You find Steve out back, leaning against the porch railing, eyes glazed with frustration and a hint of sadness.
âSteveâŠwhy would Nancy want to see Barbâs parents tonight?â
He shakes his head slowly, the alcohol clearly loosening his grip on restraint. âGod, I wish I could tell you everything right now. It would make things so much easier. Youâre my best friend. I tell you everything. But for the past year, Iâve been keeping so many secrets from you.â
A pit forms in your stomach. âWhat do you mean, Steve?â
He looks at you, eyes haunted, and whispers, âIf I told you, youâd die.â
You laugh nervously, trying to shake the unease settling over you. âCâmon, it canât be that serious.â
âThereâs stuff going on around here that you have no clue about.â He reaches up, gently brushing a stray hair from your face, his fingers lingering a second longer than they should. Your heart skips, half hoping this is just the alcohol, half hoping itâs not. He always does this, walks that fine line.
His voice cracks slightly as he murmurs, âI just want to keep you safe.â
In that moment, you realize itâs not just wordsâitâs a plea, and you can feel the weight of something dark lurking just beyond his gaze, something he desperately wants to shield you from.Â
You give Steve a gentle pinch, trying to ground him. âIâm safe, Steve. Iâm right here, see?â
But he only shakes his head, eyes dark with something close to dread. âHere is where itâs least safe. Those things⊠theyâre out there.â
A chill runs down your spine. âWhat things, Steve?â You search his face, recognizing the unmistakable truth behind his words.
He just looks away, jaw clenched. Instinctively, your mind flashes back to last year, the disappearances of Will Byers and Barb. Then Nancy and Jonathan, vanishing for days without a word. Everyone assumed Jonathan had to hold things together while Joyce spiraled, refusing to believe her son was dead. There was even a funeral, and she still wouldnât admit it. Then, against all logic, Will came back with no real explanation.
You remember Steve acting strangely after everything went down. He kept trying to make peace with Jonathan over the fight they got into outside the movie theater, but he dodged every question you asked about the night he went to Jonathanâs house, laughing nervously or changing the subject so fast it left you spinning. Then there was the night you found a bat in the trunk of his carânails hammered into it like some kind of makeshift weapon. When you questioned him, he just shrugged it off, calling it a âguy thing,â and you let it go, though every instinct told you there was more to the story.
Whenever you pushed for answers, Steve would wave it off, teasing you about reading too many mysteries and spending too much time theorizing. But seeing the fear in his eyes now, the weight heâs carrying, it hits you like a punch: you were right to question everything. And he knows it, too.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
You drive Steveâs car back to his house, figuring youâll pick up your momâs in the morning. One night wonât matter.
Helping him up to his room, you canât shake the strange coincidences piling up around Hawkins.
âI missed this,â he mumbles, settling onto his bed.
âWhat?â
âYou⊠in my room,â he says softly, grabbing your hand. âStay tonight. Donât leave.â
âYou have a girlfriend, Steve. I donât stay over when you have a girlfriend.â
He sighs, eyes full of something almost desperate. âWhat kind of girlfriend says she isnât really in love with you?â
You freeze. âIâm sorryâwhat?â
âShe said weâre just⊠acting like weâre in love,â he says, voice rough with frustration and something else.
You can see itâthe hurt heâs tried to bury, the way heâs tried so hard to be enough for someone. To finally feel wanted.
His arms slip around your waist, his head resting against your stomach, and you feel his shoulders shake. Silent tears he doesnât want you to see.
âHey, hey⊠She was drunk, okay? Everyone says stupid things when theyâre drunk. Talk to her tomorrow. Itâll be fine.â
âShe meant it,â he whispers, his voice breaking.
You gently push him back onto the bed, pulling the covers over him. âYouâve got a long day tomorrow, Steve. Get some rest, and weâll figure out the Nancy thing together.â
You hate to leave him like this, but you know itâs the right thing to do. So, once again, you walk away, leaving your best friend alone with his heartbreak and the last traces of alcohol on his breath. Another turn in the endless cycle that is your friendshipâalways there for him, even as it pulls you back into the same, unbroken loop.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
The next day, Billy and Steve square off on the basketball court, the air thick with tension. Billyâs been taunting him non-stop, poking at Steveâs so-called âKing Steveâ reputation like itâs a worn-out joke. But Steve keeps his cool, mostly.
Until Billy casually drops your name.
âSo tell me, Harrington,â Billy sneers with a smirk, âwhat made you go for the Wheeler girl over Y/N?â
Steve feels the muscles in his jaw clench, but he doesnât take the bait. He knows better than to react. But Billyâs not done. He moves closer, a low chuckle escaping as he continues, âI mean, the King and the Princess of Hawkins Highâcute match and all. But damn, man, have you seen the hips on her? Perfect for holding onto. Word is you already took her for a test drive, too. So I gotta wonder⊠why didnât you ever claim her? Or maybe you just werenât man enough?â
Steveâs control snaps. He shoves Billy hard, fire in his eyes as he stands inches from him, fists clenched. âSay one more thing about her. I dare you.â
Billy laughs, clearly enjoying himself, but thereâs an edge to Steveâs stance, a fierce protectiveness that makes even Billy pause. Steve glares, his voice low and dangerous. âY/Nâs worth more than someone like you will ever know. So keep her name out of your mouth, or youâll regret it.â
Right on cue, Nancyâs soft voice cuts through the tension. âSteve?â She stands just a few feet away, looking pale and uneasy, clearly having seen the entire thing unfold.
Billy smirks, throwing a last taunt over his shoulder. âGood luck, Harrington.â He saunters off, leaving Steve standing there, fists still clenched, his heart pounding.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
âY/N!â your mom calls from downstairs. âSteve is here!â
Steve coming through the front door? Thatâs unusualâheâs always climbed the vines up to your window. You quickly spray a bit of perfume, fix your hair, then catch yourself in the mirror. Why are you even putting in effort for him?
When you come down, your mom throws you an excited smile, her back to Steve so he canât see. Sheâs still holding onto that hope sheâs had since first grade that you and Steve would end up together.
And then there he is, standing in the entryway with a bouquet of sunflowersâyour favorite. Your heart stumbles as you take in every inch of him. For a brief second, you let yourself imagine youâre the only girl he brings flowers to. But realistically, heâs probably just coming from Nancyâs or on his way there next.
He hands you the flowers, his gaze lingering. âThank you for everything.â
âItâs no big deal,â you say, trying to steady your voice.
âWell, I should get going,â he says, and your heart sinks. Thatâs it?Â
âBut, uh, make sure to open your window. Thereâs a nice breeze out tonight,â he adds with a wink. You bite back a smile, catching on.
You say your goodbyes and dash up the stairs, ignoring your momâs questions as Steve leaves. You open your window, sitting on your bed, waiting for him like you have a hundred times before. Somehow, after all these years, the excitement still feels brand new.
âMiss me?â He slips through the window, quietly so your mom doesnât hear, and makes himself at home. He turns on your record player, the soft hum of music filling the room, then joins you on the bed.
He stares down at his hands. âIâm sorry for the position I put you in last night. It wasnât fair, and you deserve better.â
You try to catch his gaze, but heâs clearly embarrassed. âThatâs what best friends are for,â you say, hoping to ease his guilt.
You bite your tongue, unsure whether to bring up what he shared last nightâbut youâve never hidden things from each other, and you donât want to start now. âYou told me about Nancy⊠how she said it felt like you were just acting in love.â
He sighs, defeated. âYeah. I confronted her about it today. Asked if she could say she loved me, and she couldnât.â
Your heart aches for him. âIâm sorry, Steve. Maybe sheâs just⊠having a moment. A lotâs happened this year.â
The silence hangs between you for a moment, heavy with unsaid words.
âIâm gonna bring her flowers after this. I donât think itâll change anything, but she deserves an apology for everything I put her through,â he finally says, breaking the quiet. You smile, resting your hand on his knee. âI think thatâs a good idea.â
He looks down at your hand on his knee, his fingers hovering for a moment before he covers it with his own. His expression softens, a hint of something he quickly tries to hide, but you can see itâa sadness mixed with a reluctant acceptance, like he knows exactly what all of this means.
He lets out a quiet sigh, staring at your intertwined hands. Thereâs a heaviness in his eyes. Like even if things with Nancy are ending, thereâs something between you and him thatâs never quite let go.
His fingers tighten around yours, just for a second, before he releases your hand and gives you a small, bittersweet smile.
âYou should go,â you whisper. You donât want him to. But he needs to.Â
He reluctantly resigns himself.
âCan I come pick you up in an hour? Maybe we can go to the movies or something?â
You know you should say no, but you canât. âIf you and Nancy arenât making out and making up within the next hour then yes, we can go to a movie.âÂ
He stares at you, and you canât quite read him. You avert your gaze.Â
âItâs so funny,â he speaks almost as if he canât believe himself, âNo matter whatâŠor whoâŠI always need you.âÂ
And with that heâs out the window and on his way to try and win back another woman.
â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â â
#strange things imagine#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington fanfic#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x you#steve harrington x y/n#steve harrington angst#steve harrington#slow burn#angst#steve harrington fic#stranger things fic#billy hargrove#nancy wheeler#jonathan byers#Open Arms AU
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out. hello this is kind of embarrassing to say, but this past week has been the worst of my fucking life. i've gotten robbed fired and in a car accident all within less than two weeks and i'm literally suffering so bad. i was already running on thin ice at my current place of employment, but everything kind of took a turn when i pulled a no call, no-show on friday because i was in a car accident and my phone had died and i was at the hospital and i had head pain, and they wanted to make sure that i did not have a concussion. i gave my job the documentation of these events, and then today i had a lady come to my job first and get me because she thought i was somebody else. mind you, i was in the hospital and i did not come to work on this past friday, but she was adamant that i was her server and that i charged her card $200 when, again, i was in the hospital. i was not at work. my manager on duty wasn't trying to fucking help me, so i yelled at her in front of everybody to get the fuck out and learn who the fuck she was talking to amongst other things because that was unacceptable my boss told me he would be doing an investigation, which i didn't understand because i physically was not at work. there's nothing to investigate. there is no way i could've charged this lady's card if i'm not at work. so we got into it about multiple things while i was still at work, and after i left, a couple hours later over the phone so she pretty much terminated me, which it's fine, but that was my primary source of income so i'm kind of screwed.
then i got robbed at gunpoint last week, and while i am physically OK, i had like all of my cash tips from the past week in my wallet, so i lost almost $400 of bill money that i can't get back because even though i filed a police report, like, the cops told me there's no way to get my money back as there's no way to track cash. my only priority at this point is just keeping my phone on because my phone is how i connect to a wifi hotspot to do stuff for university / tumblr. i know i haven't been the most active because i have a very demanding work and school schedule, but one less job means i'll have more time to write hopefully with you all. literally anything helps, even just reblogging this. i feel very bad putting all of this out there, but i'm literally at my wits end of bad event after bad event after bad event. i also apologize to the grammar for this. i'm doing voice-to-text because it's just easier for me right now. i'm thankful that i live at home and my landlord is my mother so i don't have rent to worry about, but pretty much all my other expenses and my day-to-day life do follow me besides rent. i know for that, i am a lot more privileged than other people and while i do have some savings, it's going to pretty much be used to getting me from the doctor and physical therapy appointments because i've already started legal action against the person that hit me and a hit and run, mind you.
edit: blurring license plate
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my dad can be a real asshole sometimes
#some friends asked me to come and study with them at the park today#but it gets dark early and it's pretty cold so my dad said that it's a bad idea (also considering i've been sick for a couple of days)#and i'm like yes that's fair. it sucks since i haven't seen my friends in a couple of weeks and have been sad and sick all this time#but fair. okay. i won't do that.#and then he makes me feel bad for not going to school today#like i wasn't already stressed and sad enough#damn#i hate when he does that#he doesn't understand me at all#leo scrive
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hi
#life update nobody asked for lol#I missed you guys my pookie wookie dookies#I deleted all my social media and life is so great wow#still a lot of mental health problems but I'm finally learning to deal with my emotions and not hate life (wow)#is it bad for me to say I'm so glad I left blr#I will probably never come back here lol but I think (?) today is txt's debut anniversary and since I am the self proclaimed empress of moa#downgrading to a flip phone actually#I unstanned txt and all the kpop peoples too (SHOCKER)#I do feel really nostalgic and sad when I think about them but I think it was the thing I needed most#delulu is infact not the solulu#daydreaming about beomgyu being the new student at my school and being soobin's bestie was never the greatest idea hey#it's so freeing to not care about them and focus on what's infront of me#if you need a sign to start growing out of kpop and start worrying about your own life here it is babe đ don't let anybody give you shit#Not to say kpop is bad or anything I just think for me it was getting a bit out of hand#As much as we all make fun of the delulus it's so easy to fall down that spiral when these idols constantly tell you they love you#The parasocial relationship was REAL istg these people felt like my friends#Hueningkai does not give a FUCK about me and he is so real for that#Thinking about deleting this blog but I'm logging off after this so I very well may forget it exists again#But I just wanted to share what's been going on#And I miss you guys a lot#I may have outgrown kpop and tumblr but you all still have a special place in my heart#I miss the good old days đ when discord let's me back in I might visit wme#Not much has changed with me but mentally I feel like a whole new person#But I hope you all are doing GREAT#Living your best lives and doing things that make you happy#You owe it to yourself more than you owe these celebrities anything#xoxo savie đđ€đ€đ„đ„đ„
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đđïžđ§ž
#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk#my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me#nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her#so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333#anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :((#but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy đ€ąđ€ź (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol)#then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude#they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he#pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole??????#got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :((#it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back#hurt so bad too sksksks :<#but i managed to write a little but on my assignment#then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad#wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk#felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomachđ€Ł#now a few hours later i feel better physically#buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding#idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better#like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T#im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :((#and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all#im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks#i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!!#i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :(#but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all#mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk
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why do i feel weirdly guilty for taking a day off of work to have necessary surgery đ€Ą
#they said i could go back to work but i did that last time and it was a pain so i took the day off#and i did a bunch of errands and Accomplished Things instead of napping which is what i wanted to do#then finally sat down to watch a movie and eat and im like....feeling guilty for not being at work#insane#to be fair the hour before i left yesterday was crazyyyy bc we had a kind of crisis#ibstayed a half hour late bc there wasnt enough coverage due to the crisis and i did my coworker's clean up for her bc she literally left#without finishing it#bc she was freaking out#crisis is one of the kids had lice lol#anyway she left without finishing her cleanup even tho the owner of the school and our boss's boss dropped by#to let us know the health department was coming thennext day (today)#and she Went Home even tho there was literally cottage cheese all over the floor wtf#anyway i was watching the kids while my supervisor bagged up all the stuffed toys and sheets and blankets etc to wash#then i did my other co teachers cleanup while my supervisor tried to do afternoon diapers but she was so late starting only 4 kids were lef#out of like 8 or 10 that probably should have been changed#so half of them went home without a final diaper change lmao#anyway#bugs đŹ#i got a lice treatment shampoo and leave in conditioner but yuck#anyway i just felt really bad bc im out and they always need people but also im out on the day we're getting a ladt minute health inspectio#and i know that classroom is gross bc the cleaning crew thats supposed to come in every night has definitely not been doing that#this has been a shitpost#anyway my eye surgery hurts so bad wah đ#its not even supposed to hurt that much but im like wicked sensitive to the light or something that it hurts a lot even w eye shields#and nobody is babying meeee#my mom made me clean the kitchen and the barn when we got home :(#my brother is making gf cookies for me tho but not bc of the surgery he just wants to try baking gf for me in general bc he's nice#also he's making 61 cookies by accident instead of 18 bc he doubled the recipe and then realized it was a recipe forngiant cookies lmao
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Things I did to prepare for Key:
brought my laptop to work
put on a movie for one of my classes so I could download the game
-movie was rated R, there were so many tits in my classroom, absolute fuckup
made another class watch a video on youtube and reflect on it, told them I was grading videos from seniors
-put in headphones and started playing the game while 'teaching'
continued playing the game while one of my classes was testing
-pretty sure someone cheated, did not have capacity to care - had already caught someone that morning, didn't want to go through the process again
-lied to them about grading senior papers too
breakfast for dinner
gave my next day's first, third, and fifth periods to a coworker (I didn't have 2nd or 3rd)
fell asleep at work today
(continued to let my class watch the rated R movie so I could actually grade the papers I was supposedly grading before)
#Key#don't tell my boss how badly I halfassed these past couple of days#because from his perspective I'm still pretty on top of things - at least compared to him#he asked to speak with me at the end of the day and I thought a parent had complained about the movie#no - he apologised for not being on top of something I had e-mailed about earlier this week and wanted to check in on it#every time I worry I'm bad at my job there is someone doing a worse job that makes me feel better about myself#I'll eventually post more about the game itself#but I actually do need to get my senior stuff done cause they graduate on Sunday#though I did get my last kid to passing today#now all of my seniors will pass my classes#idk about their others#except for one of them - that has three kids - my seniors needed to pass my classes for graduation#my freshies are not all going to pass#but it's on them#because if you turn in the classwork - even if tests aren't your thing - you will pass#I had a kid last year who will not be earning a diploma and literally cannot read who passed my class#because all you need to do is turn in the fucking work - even if you're getting 30s on tests and your work is crap - just complete it#thanks for reading my rambles this far - I promise I do care so much for my kids#just irritated with a few right now#(before you come for me - I accept late work for partial credit#until the last day of class which is more lenient than the school's policy)
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discovered miah_pie on t*ktok (<- i donât have one btw i just stumbled upon her bc someone i follow on ig talked abt her) and her videos make me want to cry so bad. 24 year old dependent moment
#purrs#i went to a clothing store today to try to get new work shoes and pants bc the one pair i have of each literally have holes in them and are#falling the fuck apart on my body and it was a HORRIBLE experience largely bc i think everybody in town was out shopping for back to school#so it was super crowded and there were lots of screaming kids and it was extremely stressful + my dad got into a mini car accident while i w#was in the store (he was / is completely fine thankfully but the car is not which is so awesome đđđđđ) and i was just so stressed and#overstimulated but also like⊠nothing fits me bc im so short lol. but anyway it was so horrible i was on the verge of starting to cry in the#store and then i came home empty handed and my mom got super pissed at me for⊠needing to go to the store / being the reason we were out lol#and then finding miah pie and her videos are all about making trips to the store SO much fun and buying little treats and saying yessir and#OHHHHHH MYYYYY and just finding the joy in smth that can be so stressful and unpleasant⊠it makes me want to cry happy and sad tears at the#same time like i want that soooo bad and i canât do it fully yet but i want it. need it. fuck my stupid baka life#anyways im gonna start saying the stuff she says just to make myself feel better even when im not at a store. yessir! OHHHHHH MYYYYYY.#acquired. donât mind if i diddly dooooo!#also btw i am not a dependent except for the ways i am a dependent. hope that helps đ«¶đ»#the problem is really that i donât have a car or a license and also that my mom throws a fit every time i need / want to get driving#practice bc itâs never a good time so. lol đđđđđđđ me doing drivers ed this summer was a fucking joke i forget literally everything i#learned and have only been behind the wheel 3 times and none of them have actually counted bc im just developing basic motor skills#(literally). fmlllll im never getting out of here who am i kidding đ€Ș#delete later
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...
#ok. so the guy from school i visited emailed me today like: good news! we unanimously voted to extend u an offer here#so expect the formal offer in the next week. and im like uuuugh i wanna say yes so bad#bc in the us i would have more flexibility in the program than i would in the uk#and my options in the us r either to b a big fish in a small pond at this schoolor a little fish in a big pond at the other#bc this school is underfunded and a bit isolated out in the mountains but the staff r pretty great and big egos dont seem like a big issue#but if i go to the other school its like a big well funded school. the application was like 75 dollars. fuck u and really annoying#and i mean id have to live in new jersey. so in the city with city driving and prob a more high pressure school environment#and more of a chance of dealing with big egos. but like career wise im sure it would b good. assuming i don't mentally collapse#but i mean that doesnt seem as fun as spending 5 years out in the rocky mountains#like thry have fucking moose and bears! there were deer and turkeys in town!#and my dad just sent me a video of all the spring peepers singing back home and im like đ bc froggies and he was like i bet u could find#frogs out in [redacted city] and im like đ ur right. it just seems like the better choice for my poor overtaxed brain and the project is#so cool too. i want to get the cyano species as my computer background asap. and the guy is nice and apparently super supportive#and i could probably walk to hiking trails. god. i mean i have to say yes to that. i wanna say yes so bad. send me the formal offer bro#ill fucking take it before i even hear back from the other schools lol. ugh. i hate making choices#oof i am so excited to kno where im going and plan my departure. its gonna b such a pain moving tho i pray that my mum or dad can drive#with me bc otherwise the 20hr drive by myself might kill me. thats almost as bad as my initial move out here lol. the us is so big#ugh. again choices. is this the right choice? probably one of the biggest decisions of my life. the project feels so right. cyanobacteria#my algal group of choice. and hot springs. how tf do u say to no to that? i mean. id b doing that in new jersey too but with red algae#ugh. put me out of this misery lol. also as an aside. shout out to my fucking disaster brain for not being able to focus on a single thing#my boss in a meeting: so glad to have students and staff so excited to b working on this project!! me: lady i hate that im on this project#bc im just sitting in until they can get an actual student. i just do what im told but appreciate the enthusiasm lol#ay. im so tired. i wanna see the snow and mountains. and fix my head. and get outta the desert. and listen to frogs đž đ#unrelated
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i hate myself actually
#i asked my friend to turn in my notebook because i wasnât going to school today#and i completely knocked out literally 20 minutes before they had to leave#so . now i have to hope my teacher will still take it#even though he was like if ur not here thursday turn it in wednesday#u never rlly know w him which makes me wanna die even more#like if he doesnât take it i will fail the quarter#not literally but i wld have a C and thatâs basically the same thing#i just feel bad#mostly for making my friend wait for me
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this silly (but lowkey so REAL) comic about horror and s1 killer got me thinking thoughts. man..... stage 1 killer out on his way to do everything to go against s2's actions. you can't just tell EVERYONE not to trust you in stage 2 man they dont trust you either way!!! god,,,, and then horror just gets beat up because of what YOU suggested??? and killer's got the classic goofy ass grin on his face. bro probably doesnt even remember what he saiiiid but ugh,,,,,
mtt spotted on the second photo mtt best group. anyways i always like it when horror (and by extension dust) learn to pay attention to killer's stages. it doesn't even have to be for a sweet cute awww đ„șđ„ș reason like for keeping track of boundaries and how to deal with different killers. nah!!!! i just like it if they're more wary with 2,,,, learn to pay attention to stage 1 just incase he says anything important but not really rely on him because goddamn it whatever he tells them to do just backfires anyways. and then they dont even really need to pay attention for 3 they just need to GET THE FUCK OUT THE BOMBS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!!! SHIIIIT!!!!! 4? whats that? another stage? never heard of it aside from the other 3............ euagh
#oh ya this is by zyz800 on twt#horror's so cutie patootie in this one this comic gives off peak hrkl vibes even if it has nothing to do with it#listen if the trio could escape together they probably it's literally just that killer is too unpredictable to ever go with horror and dust#THE TWO PROBABLY COULD IF HE JUST AGREED..... BUT THEY CANT BECAUSE HE WONT FUCKING AGREE!!!!!!!#killer is singlehandedly the only thing keeping all THREE of them stuck in the gang and bro is dooming himself and his counterparts#they cant escape they might as well try the second best thing: distracting themselves through eachother#if all else fails a group suicide doesnt sound that bad. horror and killer will just have to drag dust down with them#group suicide and then killer just comes back. finally got rid of those bitches! i'm sick of their asses! and then he runs off to freedom#GO KILLER!!!! GO KILLER!!!! ESCAPE!!! ESCAPE LIKE NOBODY ELSE CAN!!!!!#i'm in such a good mood i did so much swapinverse work today#i finished vice.SER's full and summarized lore.... did some of crash's main facts!!! ugh!!!! so productive!!!!!#i had 5 days off last week and i literally only did stuff TODAY. THIS WEEK#3 days of no school and i did absolutely nothing.......... man#executive dysfunction is going to kill me one day i fear#is it even executive dysfunction i dont know but with how annoying it is i feel it can be called that#horror has no fucking idea what the hell killer's yapping about man. stages??? like for concerts??? why are there 3 of them??? he dgaf#where's dust in this comic. did killer try something like this with dust too. did it end up in the same ending#dust would probably never trust killer again if he was in horror's place in this comic thats prob why#but then again would dust make sure a rookie mistake like that? ive yet to know because i am not him#been listening to xxtha's mtt songs on loop since like 7 pm im in such a trio mood. this is great#i love being productive i love breaking out of the loop i love feeling like i'm real for this#tricule rant
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I am going to negativly affect the nuber of people on this planet by myself. (Kms)
#i was supposed to go to school#my heart hurts so much for like 5 hours now that i am scared to move.#and i feel very nauseous.#i shoul tell my fwther to text my school that imma not be there today but im scsred he will be angry#and now im just fucked#waiting until he finds out himself in some sort of bad way and i will be fucked even more#i want to die#itz all bc i talked a bit about weed with my friend.#i hate my cPTSD that maked me so fucking scared of substance abuse or just intox and stuff#i think im dying#sry for the vent for anyone who read this.
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four days
#agahgahaagagahgagahahgahahagaha#today was not fun#i feel like this decision has overtaken my whole life#i wake up and iâm thinking about it#iâm at school and iâm thinking about it#i havenât been able to do homework bcs iâm on the verge of crying#im just sick of this#was it that hard to make me a cis girl#i have one go at life and im stuck in a boys body#i know i have to do this i know i do or i might genuinely kms#but that means i have to go through with everything#it means i have to come out and it means i have to explain to everyone and it probably means being really ugly and i just hate hate hate it#i feel guilty whenever i eat now and when i get home i immediately look in the mirror and im just so mad that im stuck like this#what if my parents donât let me diy#then it will be really bad#the hair on my cheeks is just starting to come through#itâs fine and itâs only barely visible in the light but i hate it so much#and i have stupid ugly shoulders that are awful#and i have a big chin and a big nose and a wide face and constantly swollen cheeks and a massive forehead and ugly eyebrows#apparently my brother is getting bullied#and heâs been doing something bad on roblox#and he was just crying so loud#ringing through the whole house#hearing that didnât really help me#itâs all just a bit too real rn#yk#i donât even have a reason to be this sad#nothing has changed today compared to yesterday#but even my mum noticed soemthing was wrong#maybe iâll be happy one day
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love being nd and have the tism wolf Inside me be so drastically uncomfortable with uncertainty that i physically cannot think about school and having to deal w the unknown of that whole situation without losing 5lbs in 2 days
#the club ppl are meeting abt stuff for when school starts and just the reminder of school starting is enough to make me lose all appetite#i had to text a friend and ask him if he could help be there for me when i move in bc of how the situation stresses me out lmao#asked another friend if i can go to their place if i can't take it at the start of the semester#they are so sweet to me đđđ they haven't moved yet but they told me if they have an extra copy they'll give me their spare keys#but i genuinely go blank in the mind and go catatonic when i think abt. living situations next year bc i gen don't know what the vibe is#it's like probably not gonna be so bad and ik i have the capability to deal w all the scenarios but not knowing what to expect. kills me.#I'd genuinely be okay if i have to pretend i don't live there and i don't exist and get ignored!! i just need to know that now Thanks!!!#but tryin my best to not be reminded i have to deal w this in 2 months but my supervisor mentioned the campus today and now i can't eat lma#he was like u don't even need to go back to campus and im holding everything back to not be like. just take me as a full time worker.#i love school actually. i love learning. i just. thinking abt my living situation and not knowing what to expect when i have to inevitably#. face. my ex. makes me want to shrivel up and die. like icb i have to do this. like really my ex is the most harmless person ever but stil#how do you ever really. look your ex in the eyes ever again anyway. no matter the circumstances of it ending like it's gonna be so awkward?#and it's the avoidant in me and the avoidants I've dated but. I've never had a normal relationship w/ an ex afterwards lmao#but Each time I've ended things they ended at a spot where i didn't have to ever run into them ever again. so. i am not equipped for this.#And I Missed The Room Swap Date and The Regret is Eating me Up like i ugh i can't do this i don't i don't#It might be pessimistic of me but i don't think whatever will ever be resolved i don't think she'll ever want to talk abt it#and if Those are the starting conditions god forgive me if all i want is to get out of here like#if we're never gonna address or resolve anything then at least just let me have it out of sight out of mind#and I'll pretend it'llnevercome up ever again!! I'll rewrite my memories and just run the fuck away!!#my friend is going thru a more severe case of anger n self blame n how could i let them do this to me and im glad i don't feel it that bad#all i have is debilitating fear lmao so I'm just! trying not to think about anything!! i have so much fun and I'm so busy so why do i still#ugh anyway i hate nightmares and autism i really dgi i can deal with any situation so why do i still dread#delete later
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