#and then he betrayed them all because he *actually* became an evil asshole this time around

[parasite-core]

Adramelek found the necronomacon and gave it to his vampire crush, learned about the Shadow Druids and found a convenient excuse to kill Kaga’s child murdering ass, and poisoned the goblins’ ale to kill off like half of them in one go.

I promise I’m really not planning to play as much of an asshole as Calio a second time 😂 He’s just going to slowly redeem himself as the story goes. The seeds are being planted in act 1 and will pay off in act 2, the big change eventually being of course refusing to kill Isobel and facing the consequences.

[amomentsescape]

Can I request a Yandere Slashers with an S/O like Patrick Bateman (She is a rich narcissist, arrogant with others, always treating others as if they were inferior, but with the slashers she is sweeter, always showing affection for them)

Yandere! Slashers with Patrick Bateman-esque Reader

Slashers x Reader

Includes: Freddy, Michael, Jason, Thomas, Bubba, Brahms, Norman, Billy, Stu, Vincent, Bo, & Lester

Warnings: Some foul language

A/N: I love this request! Thank you, and I hope you like it! (No mentions of Reader pronouns in the fic itself)

Freddy Krueger

Honestly, Freddy finds it pretty funny (like most things)

He too is an asshole to pretty much anyone other than you

So together, you make quite the duo

He won't admit it, but there are times where you're honestly kind of scary

The way you can say the most traumatizing thing to someone without so much as blinking has him a little frazzled

Even he chuckles or shows some type of emotion

But when you're both alone, it becomes a different story

It's the only time he sees you smile and really relax

To think that you'd so much as hug someone is insane, but Freddy gets to see that side to you

It honestly just makes him trust you more

Knowing that he's the only one you're actually nice to puts his mind at ease

It's even gotten to the point where he feels comfortable letting you have some freedom during the day

He's still watching, of course, but he knows he has nothing to worry about

Michael Myers

He's probably the most similar to you out of everyone you've ever met

(It's why he became attached to you in the first place)

Seeing you say the most evil things to people without showing any emotion, and using your money just for yourself stirred something in him

And it still does

The connection was so immediate that he learned to trust you pretty quickly

He still likes to follow you whenever he gives you some "alone time"

But what originally started out as trust issues soon turned into entertainment

He likes seeing you move so confidently about your day and scaring all those around you

The way your presence alone silences a room is enchanting to him

And since he doesn't really like to go out much during the day, he gets to live vicariously through you

And when you come home with a smile and a quick kiss, it secretly melts him

You are perfect for him

Jason Voorhees

When he first got to you, his ability to trust you was hardly there

You seemed so cold and uncaring

It seemed impossible for you to return his feelings

But over time, he began to see you show more kindness and affection towards him

He was confused and just assumed that you were trying to gain his trust so you could leave him

But then he saw how you acted when he "wasn't" around

Whatever side he got to see of you wasn't the side you showed to everyone else

Because of this, you began to make him feel special

And his walls came crumbling down the as soon as they were put up

You spoil him, in his opinion

Lavish gifts, kisses, genuine laughs, and just overall attention has Jason melting in your hands

He honestly doesn't even care if it's just an act anymore

He's addicted to how special you make him feel

Plus, there's no way he's ever going to let you go anyways

Thomas Hewitt

It came as quite the shock when you were actually nice to him

He was enamored by you, clearly

But he saw the way to treated others as below you

It was a risk for him to take you as his in the first place

But when he noticed the little gleam in your eyes while looking at him, he knew he was locked in for good

He lets you initiate the affection most of the time, and he'll never say no to you

He even feels pretty comfortable letting you go into town and do what you want

He knows how you act around others, so there's no doubt in his mind that you wouldn't try to betray him

Plus, he loves the gifts you come home with after a day out

He's never owned anything nice before, so he truly feels like he's in heaven with you

You just can't ever act cold towards him

Even if he does something to anger you, you can't lash out

He will not hesitate to lock you in your shared room for the whole day if he sees it necessary

He likes your cold demeanor only when it's not directed at him

The moment it is, he will become immediately wounded

Bubba Sawyer

This poor man doesn't know any difference

You could step on his face and he'd be giggling

So he barely even notices your sour attitude with other people

He just thinks you're perfect no matter what you say or do

You can literally see hearts in his pupils when he looks at you

But thankfully, you actually enjoy your time with Bubba

The simplest touch or compliment given by you has Bubba kicking his feet and blushing

And when other people are around, you could call them the meanest name in the book, and he'd just be all smiley and giddy

He really is all around innocent

However, this sweetness only lasts for as long as you stay in the house with him

If you need to grab some things from the store or want to walk around by yourself for a bit, it comes with a price

He will beg, cry, and plead with you to stay

It doesn't matter how cold and uncaring you are with everyone else, he doesn't want you going anywhere

But if you insist, expect him to be pouty and silent around you for the rest of the day

But don't worry, by morning it's like it never even happened

Brahms Heelshire

Your calm and callous demeanor only fuels Brahms possessiveness

He loves how cruel you can be with others

And the money you have is fitting to him (having been raised a rich boy himself)

He'd prefer if you didn't interact with anyone at all, but he supposes your hatefulness makes up for that

Oh but when you come home with a big smile and arms outstretched for a hug, he becomes putty

He'll hold you for hours without so much as a motion to move

He loves that he's the only one that gets to see you like this

But just be careful

Brahms likes making up situations in his head

If he thinks you so much as blinked one too many times around someone, he will go berserk

He loves that you're cruel to everyone but him, but if he's having an off day, it's easy for him to see things that didn't actually happen

And once he has that thought in his head, it's hard to convince him otherwise

If he thinks you weren't being cold enough to someone, he will not hesitate to lock them in the house and place you right in front of them, making you do the dirty work

It doesn't faze you much thankfully, but it can become a bit annoying

Especially when your $800 shoes get blood on them

Norman Bates

Kindness is the number one policy in Mother's book

So he really isn't a fan on how you treat other people

Treating other's cruelly and not even attempting to share your wealth is all immoral in Norman's mind

He's tried having so many conversations to you about how you should be kinder

But his voice always falls on deaf ears

You'd think he'd be sick of it by now

But the main reason he can't give you up is because of how sweet you are towards him

You litter him with affection and sweet words

You gift him with just about everything he's ever wanted

He knows it's wrong, but he's addicted to how you make him feel

Could it all be an act on your part? Sure

But he barely cares, to be honest

He knows you'll be the death of him, but he truly can't imagine a better way to go out

Billy Loomis

He hates to admit it, but he finds it oh so sexy

You're quick with your words, and the slight raise of a brow is all it takes for someone to crumble to their knees around you

The control you have is awe-inspiring to him

And the fact that you become his little love bug at home only makes it more exciting

Seeing you go from rude and cruel one moment to sweet and kind the next keeps things interesting for Billy

He truly believes that most of humanity doesn't deserve the attention of people like you or him

You're both too good for them

With that being said, Billy's "body count" has gone up drastically since he claimed you

You're mean to someone? They deserve to die

You're a little too nice to a guy? He had it coming

Someone so much as bumps into you on the street? They'll be gone by the end of the night

He swears you're making him even crazier than before

But God, he loves it

Stu Macher

Look, Stu is all about hating other people

As lighthearted and goofy as he is, he really can't stand a lot of people

The amount of times he's murdered some stranger over and over again in his mind is outrageous

So he gets it

But at the same time, suspicion easily arises from people who see how outwardly cold you are

He's asked you time and time again to "lighten up," but it never changes anything

Which is why he's always so astounded by how you are when you both are alone

You laugh at all of his jokes, you plant his face full of kisses, and you even share his love for horror films

How you act with him is how he wishes you'd act in public

But at the same time, he kind of likes how two-sided you are

There's a part of him that loves being the only one who receives your kindness

It just makes it taste that much more sweet to him

And to be honest, if you ever did act nice to someone other than him, his whole mind would go dark

And you'd never hear from that person again

Vincent Sinclair

Contrary to what many people would assume, Vincent enjoys your callousness towards others

He hasn't come across many people during his life, but those he has met have always shown him nothing but disgust and hatred

Even his own brothers have ridiculed him and ordered him around like he was a slave (mostly Bo, but Lester has had his moments)

This only fueled a true hatred for most of humanity

It's a large part of the reason he set his sights on you in the first place

You stirred something in him, and he knew there was no going back from that feeling

But the way you acted around him was quite the surprise

You spoke so softly to him and touched him like you were a true angel on earth

You made him feel so special in a way that no one else had

There's no way he was ever going to let you go

It just feels so nice to have someone on his team for once

Your glare is so cold that even Bo doesn't want anything to do with you

Vincent has gotten his first taste of respect, and he only wants more

Bo Sinclair

He's always wanted his partner to have a little fire to them

But damn, you were a hell of a lot more than just a flame

He was drawn to you like a moth, and seeing how mesmerizing yet cruel you could be was like the total package to him

Anytime you told someone off, he'd just be standing back saying "that's my darlin' right there"

And at first, he didn't want to believe that you were being genuine when you cuddled up to him or gave him a passionate kiss on the lips

He thought is was all a game, and he was happy to play

But after some time being met with this affection, he soon became convinced that maybe you actually did return his infatuation

And that opened up a whole new world

He loves to take you to a night out in the next town over, showing you off

And between the money he's stolen off of visitors and the riches you have in tow, you both splurge on each other like crazy

This is quite literally a dream relationship

And with how manipulative you could be, the wax museum was booming more than ever

He'd be dead before he'd let you leave

Lester Sinclair

He finds your arrogance and cruelty a little unnecessary at times

But he doesn't ever push you too hard on it

As long as you're nice to him, that's all that matters

In fact, he lets you do what you want whenever you want it

You could walk all over him, and he'd still thank you for it

However, escaping him will never be an option

You're his, and your happiness is his number one priority

Just so long it involves being with him

But he grew to trust you pretty quickly

You're just so kind and loving towards him that he can't imagine you ever leaving him

It just doesn't make sense, right?

Even if you did try to leave, all you have to do is give him a big kiss, and he'd forgive you

Just don't talk to other people for too long

Even if you're saying the most hateful things to them, that attention alone is enough to make Lester insecure

If you want to spew anger at someone, he'll happily take it

Your attention is all he desires after all, good or bad

[cakerybakery]

!!

Can you imagine if Eve was so devastated after Cain and Abel that despite knowing they were supposed to usher in humanity, Eve couldn’t bear the idea of being pregnant again.

That Adam makes the first deal with the devil because heaven is just like, tell her to suck it up and get on with it, but he loves Eve and can’t hurt her by forcing himself on her.

So he asked Lucifer to give him a way to switch roles with Eve. He’ll bear her children.

Lucifer understands their grief. Lilith recently suffered their first miscarriage. He can’t undo heaven curse upon her, this child wasn’t even planned, but she had been excited. They hadn’t realized when heaven cursed her to never have children it would curse her to miscarry if she became pregnant.

So he makes the deal, Adam will bear all of Eve’s children… plus one.

He tells Adam of the curse that perhaps one day Lilith would want a child and should she, Adam will bear it for her with Lucifer as the sire.

Adam agrees. Heaven is upset at this turn of events but turns a blind eye, they don’t know what exactly Adam’s deal was but he ends up in heaven so it must not be so bad.

It’s been so long, he’s died and even started the exterminations, but one day Lucifer reaches out.

A deal overrides even death. He puts in for some vacation and goes down to hell. Things are tense and it takes a couple months of trying, but it works. He’s away for nearly a year before Charlie is born.

He doesn’t really think about Charlie as being his blood. Adam feels more like a surrogate. Especially since Lilith takes to her so quickly, is so grateful for Adam’s help.

Things go south for him and Eve though. Eve feels betrayed. She hadn’t known about his end of the deal until then.

Things get worse after Lilith and Lucifer split. She confides in Adam and Adam is pissed off on her behalf. Lucifer didn’t take to Charlie the same way Lilith did. He loved her but spent more and more time in a depressive state and wasn’t able to spend much time with her. Lilith couldn’t handle it anymore as she was also being pushed away.

If Lucifer was depressed from seeing the evils of humanity, maybe seeing more sinners killed would cheer him up? They up the exterminations.

This really inspires Charlie to put a stop to the killings.

Vaggie doubts their cause, especially since they’re no longer targeting the worst of humanity but everyone and falls. The hotel is formed. An angel is killed and now Adam is angry and scared for heaven if they can be killed what’ll stop hell from turning on them?

They fight, Adam tries to actually kill Charlie because her birth is where everything went wrong. Maybe if he gets rid of her, things will go back to the way they were.

Lucifer isn’t teasing Adam about fucking Eve, he’s teasing Adam about the deal, that Eve liked fucking Adam more than she’d liked being fucked by Adam.

That he put on weight after the pregnancies. Just generally being an asshole about their deal.

Lucifer blames Adam for the failure of his marriage. Lucifer felt like he was cheating. That Charlie was an affair child. It sent him spiralling and he never told Lilith how he felt.

Adam revives as a sinner and things are difficult. There’s just arguments and hostility until one day Adam, pissed off that Charlie is acting so calm and trying to see the best in everything while he’s raging and Lucifer and him are at each other’s throats again goes, “I can’t believe I gave birth to you! You don’t know anything that’s going on! You can’t fix everything with hope and happiness, puppies and rainbows. Back off!”

And he doesn’t even realize what he’s said until he sees her shocked face. Hears the silence. His brain catches up to his mouth and now Lucifer is really mad.

But Charlie wants to know what Adam meant. Lucifer tries to lie but Adam can’t look into eyes so much like Lucifer’s on that day thousands of years ago. How they looked with tears as Lucifer told him about the miscarriage. How they both cried over the lost children.

He breaks. He tells Charlie everything.

Even the stuff Lilith told him. Charlie confronts Lucifer and he has to admit why he was distant.

Only with everything out in the open at last do things start getting better.

Adam and Lucifer can actually talk about what happened instead of dancing around it and blame each other for feelings the other didn’t know about.

The sex was good but they both felt awful about having it. And guilty for enjoying it.

Charlie wants to know why she was so easy for both of them to give up. Adam assured her that it was because he was doing for Lilith and that Lilith loved her, he didn’t try to get attached because he was doing it for someone else. For Lucifer it was the guilt and he felt horrible for feeling guilty and for not being able to be around as much as he wanted. He’s sorry for not being there for her, for taking his feeling out on her. She does eventually forgive them and enjoys getting to know more about them when they’re not trying to hide the truth from her.

Things aren’t still right with Eve or Lilith but there’s not much they can do. Eve doesn’t want to forgive yet, nor see Adam to let him try. Eve has her own journey to have to come to terms about everything.

Lilith isn’t going back to Lucifer, she’s still hurt he pushed her away as well, but now that things are out in the open though she’s finally able talk to Charlie like how she always wanted, openly without fear of revealing the truth. Their relationship gets better.

There’s a shift now. Adam and Lucifer are enjoying each other’s company. Then one day they’re sharing stories and laughing but Lucifer is looking at Adam differently, sweetly, the mood is shifting. Adam’s close enough they could kiss, he leans in a little closer, Lucifer does too. Now sex is just good without the guilt. Eternity is a long time, spending it with each other sounds like a fine way to enjoy it.

[slicedmayonnaise]

I want to take a moment to talk about one of my favorite characters in RDR2: Kieran Duffy.

I've seen a few posts on my timeline recently about him and people's different interpretations of him and head canons of him. So, I'm going to add my two cents.

Now, this is my personal head canon about what type of person Kieran is and some of this may be GROSS mischaracterization.

Let's begin with the facts.

Kieran is NOT some weak, innocent, stuttering, scared man. He IS the sassy man apocalypse! He is not afraid to stand up for himself or others when he feels he needs to. He saves Arthur, for one. He is also one of the characters who can knock Arthur out and kick him out of camp when he's being an asshole. We can also see him standing up for himself to people like Javier and Sean during camp interactions. He also draws his pistol when Milton and Ross show up to camp and threaten the gang in chapter 3. He is an army vet and was part of another gang before he was taken by the O'Driscolls.

Now let's get into my personal head canons.

First of all, I don't believe Kieran Duffy is actually his name. When Arthur first asks Kieran his name, he says "I don't know" and after Arthur threatens him a bit more, he comes up with Kieran Duffy. And we of course know outlaws are notorious for using pseudonyms. We see the others use them constantly throughout the game.

Why would Kieran lie about his name though? Easy. Because he is actually secretly a badass, cold-blodded ex gang leader.

Stay with me now.

I believe Kieran was actually the leader of the gang he ran with before the O'Driscolls. And I believe he was a big time outlaw just like Colm or Dutch or Flaco Hernandez.

Why? Because why would Colm waste his time attacking and kidnapping some random guy he found camping in the woods? There had to be a reason. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's rewind.

I believe in leading his gang, Kieran became greedy and corrupt, just like Dutch did. And I believe he, like Dutch, led all of the men (and maybe women) that followed him straight to hell. One by one, they were picked off, just like with the Van Der Linde gang. And I believe the last of them were killed when Colm attacked. Maybe he was originally after Kieran for the price on his head, but decided he was more valuable to him alive. Surely if he's a big time outlaw, Kieran had thousands of dollars stashed away, which Colm would have obviously taken along with Kieran. Maybe the money he got from Kieran was more than the reward he would've gotten for Kieran's head, so he gave Kieran the choice to work for him or die with the last of his gang. Kieran obviously chose to work for Colm because he was afraid to die.

Obviously, Kieran would have felt a lot of guilt because of his gang, and would have gone through a lot of torture at the hands of the O'Driscolls. We can see in the beginning of the game that Colm is abusive towards him, which isn't surprising. He is also malnourished prior to the gang starving him as a means of making him talk. And let's look at how horrified he is at the thought of betraying Colm. He says himself that Colm is an evil man, and he expresses to Sean how scared he is of Colm. This experience would've definitely humbled him and watered him down from the tough outlaw he once was. Much like John, he no longer wanted to be a part of the outlaw life. He just wanted to live quietly with his horses and go fishing. And that's the version we get of him after he finally settles in with the Van Der Linde gang.

I also think Kieran is bisexual and gender fluid. I think he was a lot for femme presenting before he got taken by the O'Driscolls, just given his mannerisms and the way his hair is cut. It looks like he had long hair and chopped it all off Mulan style. I believe, similarly to Javier in rdr1, he stopped taking care of his looks after he joined up with Colm. He cut his hair and let his facial hair grow out, as he lost his desire for vanity.

[aita-blorbos]

(For clarity, this is based on a headcanon. While this headcanon happens in an actual game series, it was never shown to happen in canon. Again, it's just a hc.)

AWTA (are we the assholes) for constantly mocking and harassing someone?

I know that sounds bad, but please hear us out!

Let us introduce ourselves. I (28, M) own a big blue ship and I once betrayed a toddler, but I then apologized and became friends with that toddler. And then the other person (25, F) that's right here alongside me is who I'll refer to as S. She used to help her demented dad turn planets into big robo-lands, but she's stopped doing that ever since the toddler stopped their last invasion, and she's now also friends with the toddler like I am.

There's someone that me and S are both pissed off about. This someone had involvement in ruining the life of a mutual friend we both have, and so me and S decided to go out of our way to taunt the crap out of this loser. I like to do a lot of trolling, and S doesn't mind participating in trolling when I ask her to, and so we decided to make a mockery out of this freak.

We'll refer to him as D. He (35, M) is the cringe doppelganger of a really cool knight. Why are me and S both so pissed off about him? Because he played a hand in causing the downfall of our mutual friend's wife!

Our mutual friend (29, M) that we'll refer to as T has made it widely known that he had a wife that he loved so much, but descended into a tyrant that he then followed the orders of until she died. And during an adventure where the toddler summoned all of us in a big intergalactic team, it was found out that D was involved in making T's wife turn evil!

What happened is that T gave his wife a mirror as a gift. But the mirror ended up making her corrupt. And we found out that D was using the mirror to manipulate her into becoming evil! Apparently, D was just following the orders of his dark master, but we don't care! He was still responsible for it anyways!

T beat the shit out of D one time. He tried to kill D! But the rest of the team broke up the fight and enforced a separation between the two. While the understood why T hated D, some of them believed that D could get better from what he did in the past, that he deserves a chance to improve like all us other ex-villains do.

Bro, D did something unforgivable! T had every right to wreck him! When the group enforced the separation, T broke down, devastated that he couldn't properly punish the person that had responsibility in destroying his wife. He was especially destroyed over how D once pointed out that it was still T's own fault for taking the mirror in the first place… but that doesn't excuse what D did!

Me and S decided to try to comfort T and tell him we'll have him covered. That's when we both decided to mock, taunt, harass and make fun of D. We chose to talk so much shit to his face.

I told lots of emo jokes to get on D's nerves, while S taunted him over how much of a crap doppelganger he is and that the knight he's a counterpart of is so much cooler than him in every way.

Of course, D got mad over us taunting him, and attempted to lash out at us a few times, but we're good dodgers, and it's funny watching him go nuts. He deserves to be tormented like this!

The least we could do is help T out after the group forced him to be separate from D!

Are we the assholes, or are we justified for doing this?

[cluescorner]

Do you still have that paper on comics and 9/11? I'd love to read it!

I'll try to find it, but it was almost a decade ago and the account that made it might have been deleted since it was a school account. In hindsight, it was a pretty shitty essay that neglected to take other factors into account (including LITERALLY ALL NON-SUPERHERO COMICS BECAUSE I HAD A NARROW VIEW OF THE INDUSTRY) and for some reason ignored the fact that both DC and Marvel were operating out of New York at the time (WHICH IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT AND DOES INFORM A LOT OF THE STUFF THAT HAPPENS). I'll give a short run-down of what I remember the points being (which are not all accurate. Or at the very least I am re-evaluating most of it now that I am a better researcher and have a better understanding of the industry. Genuinely I got pissed at my younger self as I typed this. I love her dearly, but that doesn't stop her from being wrong as hell).

(If something in this next section is in parentheses, it is older me talking).

The gist is basically what you'd expect and it was similar to how American movies shifted. American comics already had a weird relationship to patriotism, but Marvel and DC started really rallying behind the flag in a way they hadn't in decades. There were also a litany of emotional reactions/publications out of the artists and writers (BECAUSE THEY LITERALLY LIVED THERE WHY DID I NOT PUT THAT SHIT TOGETHER). Slowly, the non-gallery, ie bad guys who don't matter that much, villains almost uniformly became terrorists from SWANA regions. And if you were already a SWANA character? Your writing changed drastically. This is most notable in the case of the Al Ghuls (this is probably not the most notable example, ESPECIALLY given the litany of non-superhero comics that existed which I was ignoring. That being said, they are an important case to analyze and I am glad I chose them back then. This was also a case-study type paper so they were the focus of like 1/2 of it). Ra's went from a madman with a goal that made sense and he genuinely believed was righteous to just...a madman for no reason. Ra's was always a villain, but the way his acts of villainy were treated became different (In hindsight, it's more that he had both stories where he was 100% understandable, though still evil, and also where he was basically 100% a villain. What we lost post-9/11 was the variety. We got a lot of the latter and very little of the former. And when we DID get the former, it was in the same issues where he would do other unbelievable bullshit like LEAVE HIS DAUGHTER IN A GODDAMN CONCENTRATION CAMP. Ra's was always an abusive asshole, but he would never have done that shit. He would've fucked with Nyssa mentally and betrayed her in other ways. Pre-9/11 Ra's would not have abandoned his daughter in that way, ESPECIALLY not while basically saying 'yeah that Hitler guy sucks, but humanity is my enemy and the enemy of my enemy is my friend'). (In 2024, approximately 10 years after this paper was written, Ra's has slowly started migrating back to his older self. His story in the One Bad Day anthology is a good example of this). Talia was an anti-heroine who struggled between the pull of her love for Batman and her genuine distaste for killing vs her loyalty to her father and her belief in his mission. She did bad things sometimes, but rarely without also being characterized as either being manipulated into it or 'torn' about it (Younger me didn't quite understand how unreliable narrators worked. Don't take her word for this type of stuff, she was also one of those people who thought Tim was a reliable narrator during RR2009). Her and Bruce's relationship was incredibly close and they loved each other so fucking much. She was his main love interest (I'm unsure of how accurate of a statement this actually was. Even pre-9/11, Bruce had more than just her going on.) and their child was conceived consensually. Grant Morrison (rightfully) gets the majority of the blame for Talia's downright character assassination, but to place the blame solely on them (again, they deserve so much of the blame it isn't even funny) takes away from the way that comics were going in general. She was not going to be spared after her father was re-characterized in the way that he was. (Talia, weirdly enough, became the version of herself that Ra's hoped she would always be. A murder-happy woman in complete agreement with him at almost every turn who got him a male heir with Batman's blood regardless of the consequences. It would be an interesting thing to explore if it was done with any thought towards Talia at all. It would never have been a good turn for her character and it never would have not had racism and misogyny written all over it, but it could have at least been an interesting tale of what centuries of abuse from her father and a life inside an eco-cult and all of the other bullshit she went through had done to Talia. But Talia's own 'character development' was done without a single thought given to her.)

Again, I don't agree with a lot of younger me's takes on the situation. Or if I am going to agree, I'm going to need to do the research all over again because I don't trust her considering that she ignored so much important shit. But this is what I remember the paper roughly saying. I don't think she did her research as well as she should have nor do I believe that her critical thinking skills were up to snuff. At least she bothered to read the source material, I can give her that at least. And I'm thankful for her decision to research and write this (probably very shitty) paper because it gave me more practice for when I eventually write stuff that is actually well done.

[bleep-blop-lizard-hop]

Warrior Thought

Warrior S3E9

Father Jun AND Lai??? Noooooo 😭😭😭😭😭

THE WRITERS ARE EVIL THIS SEASON 

I can’t even be properly happy about Nellie returning after being MIA for three episodes!

The opening scene with Lai going after Dickland alone was nerve wracking! At least she killed the asshole henchman with the whip. We know Dickland was a soldier and trained with the sword. Lai is a badass, but she’s too angry and not strategic enough. I wish it was different, but Dickland is literally the final boss. He won’t be taken down this easily. The way he was taunting her and giving her sword back ughh the arrogance! 

Every time I see Ah Toy I’m like “ma’am why aren’t you looking for your daughter??” But I know it’s actually the writers fault. We don’t know Lai’s dead until Nellie brings her body back to Ah Toy. Imagine losing your vineyard, your wife breaking up with you, and suddenly your daughter’s dead body is dumped at your door. Ah Toy knows she can’t blame this one on Nellie. She brought Lai back to Chinatown and now she’s dead. Ah Toy and Nellie cleaning Lai’s body for burial.

Nellie: “She deserves Justice.”

Ah Toy: “Justice come in many ways.”

Nellie: “Yes.”

Ohhhhh hell yeah, they’re really doing this! Nellie doesn’t give a single fuck anymore! The system is rigged, time for Justice their way! Ah Toy and Nellie are ride or die for revenge together! I hope they kill that bastard painfully and avenge their girls!

I knew Father Jun was coming, but damn it didn’t hurt any less. Poor Young Jun! Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but they still loved each other. Even if Father Jun didn’t say it back. In the end, he became like Long Zhii. He didn’t want a slow, agonizing death. He fought for everything he had, and went out on his own terms. RIP to a Warrior legend. Chao gave a very beautiful eulogy at his funeral.

Yan Mi is arrested because Lee recognized her at the wedding. To her credit, she didn’t say anything about the Hop Wei. Instead, it’s Ah Sahm who betrays them to save her. But it was a difficult choice. Love vs Duty is one hell of a battle. Ah Sahm still care about Young Jun, but never belonged in a tong. He was literally bought by them, fresh off the boat. He just want to be a good guy and protect his people. I don’t think he’s getting on that train with Yan Mi, because he still need to complete his hero arc. Watching Ah Sahm and Young Jun’s relationship deteriorate like this is heartbreaking. We got one last scene with them together before all hell breaks loose.

Poor Hong in this episode! He just wanted to have a nice, romantic night with his bf at the gay club! But then he got hit on by a cop. The same cop who put a fucking gun to his head and beat up his people. Of course he would get triggered! NO fucking racist pigs at Pride!!! Then they broke up and it was sad. Ughhhhhhh why must they torture the gays???

Mai Ling and Li Yong going from marriage to divorce real quick. Mai Ling is afraid of him because she knows she made him do terrible shit. But this is literally LI YONG! He always did everything for her, he murdered his best friend/mentor for her! Now she’s treating him like the plague! Though maybe some of it is residual trauma from her first abusive marriage. Li Yong looks like he’s leaving the Long Zhii, so Mai Ling will be extremely vulnerable. 

Chao is confronted by Happy Jack’s crew and their new leader, Isaac. Chao being Chao, cuts a deal with them by spilling the location of the plates. Hop Wei, Long Zhi, Happy Isaac crew, and Secret Service…it’s gonna be a goddamn bloodbath! 

Bill literally fighting his way to a promotion as Police Chief.

I don’t like to talk about Leary but that bar brawl at the end! Made that guy eat wood and busted his jaw open! Daaaammn

Only one more episode left holy shit! Crying shaking throwing up! PLEASE let us have a season 4!!!

[hannahhook7744]

Quick question;

So, I see alot of people talking about how Mal owes so and so an apology (not disputing that) or how Leah owes the vks an apology (Also valid). I even see people saying that the adults owe the kids an apology (Frick yes). But you know what I NEVER see that I'm kinda disappointed about?

No one ever apologizes to Chad. Like, I get Evie and the other vks not apologizing to him because he can be a jerk to him. But how come Audrey never apologized to him? Like, I know he's hated by most of the Fandom. I know that.

But Audrey definitely should have apologized for that. Anyone else I can get not apologizing, even if I don't necessarily agree with it. BUT AUDREY?Audrey definitely owes that boy an apology? Wanna know why?

Look at this;

Like... did she NEVER SPECIFY that they weren't dating or did she just assume he knew? Because this is a disaster and she should have apologized/sat him down and had a conversation when she realized that he thought that it was real. Because we didn't see that conversation occur in any of the movies. And even if she didn't mean to, leading someone on is horrible and should never be done. So she definitely should have expressly told him that none of the relationship was real very early on.

But I will cut her some slack for this because she's a teenage girl since I do the same for Mal and Uma. But one thing I WILL NOT cut her slack for is THIS;

Look at this man. No, this KID. He isn't even 20 yet. The Fandom hates him. Most people hate him. Is that a bit justified even though it's the writers' fault for not staying consistent with his character and not even bothering to try and improve him? Yes. But does that mean he deserved to be betrayed in one of the absolute worst ways by one of his only friends? By the girl he loves?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

He is an 18-19 year old kid. Kids make bad decisions. Kids make mistakes. Kids can be assholes. Teen boys can be sexist (I more than anything blame Auardon for that became of that stupid book's phrasing.. because that happens in real life and I'm not 100% sure if that can actually be considered sexist when he was just following the rules. Even if I hate the fricking rules). He's a prime example of that. But he can also be a pretty okay guy at times (he literally went out of his way to pick up his ex right before a big event that he wasted money on. Remember? He tried to protect Leah even though he was an asshole in that movement to everyone but Audrey and Her. He did end up apologizing to Jay for pushing him. He buys Evie's stuff even though he could go elsewhere) and he most certainly didn't deserve this from AUDREY.

Like, if anyone else did this to him, I wouldn't be as hung up about it. Even if what happened to him was absolutely horrible (locking anyone in a closet is not funny at all) I wouldn't be hung up on it if Mal or Uma or another kid did it.

But the fact that it was Audrey is what gets me. Because think about it. Who is the one person who NEVER turned their back on or abandoned her? Who is the one person who would do absolutely anything for her? The one person who has done almost everything if not everything she has asked of them? Chad.

Chad sided with her about the vks everytime. He listened to her complaints about them when her own boyfriend wouldn't. He went along with dating her when it was clear that all he wa to her was a consolation prize. He defended her grandmother when the woman made a scene just because HE THOUGHT that there MIGHT be a chance of danger. This is Chad who is usually shown as cowardly we're talking about.

He briefly turned evil for her. The thing he hated most. He went out of his way to pick her up when her car had broken down even though he had literally payed for a couple of expensive outfits for the event he would be missing to pick her up already. And so much more.

Yet how did she treat him? And don't go saying that it was because of the sceptor because even if it was, it doesn't excuse the way she treated him enough to where she can get away with not apologizing.

Because she yelled at him constantly. She intimidated him with magic. She belittled him and blamed him for things that weren't his fault (I.e her plans going wrong) and she locked him in a fricking closet when she probably knew that he was claustrophobic. And we didn't see her apologize.

If we're gonna continue looking for apologies on behalf of the characters, then I want it to be fair. I want Leah (and Chad and Audrey) to apologize for how they treated the vks. I want Mal and the other three to apologize for spelling Ben to Ben and to Audrey since Audrey was humiliated and heartbroken and since Ben was made a fool of and made to look like a dick. I want Beast and Belle and all that agreed to the isle's creation to apologize for not taking the kids off and the horrible condition it was in.

I want Uma to apologize for kidnapping Ben. I want everyone who should apologize for what they did to apologize. And I want Chad's closest friend and ex to apologize for what she did because even if the Fandom and many in universe characters hate him, she doesn't. A good friend apologizes when they fuck up. Especially if it's this bad and I don't see any reason why Audrey should be exempt from that. Because she should want to apologize even if she was possessed by the sceptor. Because she severely mistreated the one person who always stood by her side and if she's as nice of a character as Melissa de la Cruz originally intended then she should.

Please descendants. Even if no one else gets their long overdue apologies, let Audrey apologize to Chad. I know you hate him. I do. But this is just atrocious and cruel. You're beating a dead horse at this point. You take every chance you have to beat him down and make him the butt of the joke even though it's not very funny anymore. Please. Just let him get an apology.

[convenientalias]

Word of Honor Review

I finished watching Word of Honor so I thought I'd write a review of it! I feel like a lot of ppl I follow/who follow me have already seen this so I'm not gonna be too thorough/organized, just some thoughts that occurred to me. Also there will be spoilers, so the rest is under the cut.

The Plot

I didn't enjoy the intrigue side of the plot that much. Imo to properly enjoy a revenge scheme, whether or not it's carried out, it's better to know the details of the revenge from the start--who's seeking revenge, what they're seeking revenge for, how they're seeking this revenge, and who they're targeting. You don't need ALL that information from the get-go, but when a show does like Word of Honor and I only find out why Wen Kexing is seeking revenge halfway through the show, I'm just not as invested in it. Other ppl might enjoy the mysteries of Wen Kexing being slowly unveiled, and I wasn't NOT into that, but as regards secret identities, I prefer dramatic irony over curiosity. For that reason I wonder if I'd enjoy the beginning of this show more if I watched it a second time.

As for the entire jianghu fighting over the Glazed Armor, eh. Besides Zhang Chengling, there's just no one involved in that dogfight I cared about, so it took up more time than I would have liked.

The romance side of the plot (I would struggle to call this a bromance, though I know it technically is) is more fun, Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu getting to know each other, Zhou Zishu slowly learning more and more (often alarming) info about Wen Kexing while Wen Kexing grows more and more invested in Zhou Zishu's wellbeing and their relationship. They're also just very flirty and fun.

I wish the pacing had been a bit more even. The beginning feels rather slow, the middle's pretty steady, and the end is pretty rushed. If we had a few less "Oh no, everyone wants the Glazed Armor" episodes and a few more "fuck, Zhao Jing is dead but the whole jianghu still hates Ghost Valley and also Xie'er is a scheming, betraying asshole and also Zhou Zishu is on the verge of death" episodes (instead of like... two of those), that would be pretty nice. That said, I can't say there was a period of the show I didn't enjoy; even when things are slow, it's just fun watching Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu interact.

Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing (And Their Relationships!)

I thought based on what people say about the show that I would be all in for the antihero/villain protagonist aspect of this show, but eh. Actually Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing's (at least apparent) apathy towards killing in the first couple episodes really turned me off and made it hard to connect to them. I found it easier to empathize with them when 1) it became clear that Zhou Zishu DOES feel guilt over his past actions (yes this should have been obvious to begin with given the seven nails, but it's not always emphasized) and 2) Wen Kexing has Reasons for being fucked up. There's more angst that way, too!

I love Zhou Zishu, the one who led a secret spy force, being in some ways the more honest of the pair, and I love him as the one who's further down the road of "not evil anymore I want to be loved now". I love him just... taking his hair down after quitting Tian Chuang because he's officially in Soft Mode, and the unnatural vibe when Tian Chuang captures him and he's presented to Prince Jin with his hair up, forced back into that role. His dynamic with Prince Jin in general is super interesting--especially how Prince Jin doesn't seem to have valued him that much while he had him, and at first is only angry at him leaving, but later is willing to beg him to come back, realizing that without Zhou Zishu he's alone.

In more functional relationships, Zhou Zishu and Ye Baiyi's family friend dynamic is so perfectly polite, artificially familiar without really knowing each other. Zhou Zishu and Han Ying make me very sad. And Zhou Zishu and Zhang Chengling (and the rest of the new Four Seasons disciples) make me annoyed bc damn it, Zhou Zishu, it's one thing if you're going to die, but if you're going to be an immortal hanging out on an ice mountain in the middle of nowhere for the rest of forever, you could invite your disciple(s) up there for at least a while in order to finish his (their) training! Even the epilogue can't fix this for me.

For Wen Kexing, I enjoyed him being casually flirty, but whenever his eyes widen or start glinting and he goes either calculatedly threatening or actually mad, that's the good stuff ;). Maybe the first moment I really loved him was when he tried to convince Zhou Zishu that watching ppl fight to the death over Glazed Armor from an inn rooftop was Great Fun. He really thinks that! Wen Kexing, no!

I enjoyed his relationship with Gu Xiang a lot; at first Gu Xiang annoyed me but later I liked how he wasn't just protective of her but saw her as someone similar to himself, someone who'd been through similar trauma, whose personality had been forged into a similar shape of violence and a craving of affection, safety, and acceptance--someone who faced the same dangers as him (both physical and emotional) and who, too, might want to seek love and independence and leave Ghost Valley behind. While Gu Xiang understands Wen Kexing and accepts him in a way that many others wouldn't, too.

Also I love every time Wen Kexing and Ye Baiyi interact. The way they rub each other the wrong way from the beginning, and while Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing's bantering and mutual annoyance is harmless play, Wen Kexing and Ye Baiyi always are on the verge of something more dangerous--and in the end, when the facade of friendship between them breaks at the revelation that Wen Kexing is the Ghost Valley Master, it feels inevitable but still somehow upsetting because the fragile balance of friendship, even if it was based on deception, was still something real. Also every time they FIGHT fight, it's like... hand impact goes BOOM! what more could you want.

As for WenZhou itself, it's just fun to watch those two hang out. But also, they really do get each other. There's a moment where Zhou Zishu is remembering all his good times with Wen Kexing and there's this heartwarming montage of their past interactions, and then he (who currently thinks Wen Kexing is dead), says, "Actually, I knew what you wanted all along". And at the time I thought to myself, yes, he wanted to be with you forever/have sex with you, the montage makes that obvious. But Zhou Zishu says, I can't remember the exact words, something like, "You wanted to destroy this world and kill everyone in it", and like. What a great followup to a heartwarming montage. Wen Kexing almost always shows Zhou Zishu a smiling face, but Zhou Zishu knows the turmoil lying underneath, and although at first he wants to change it, later he's even willing to accept it and comes within an inch of saying Wen Kexing was right to feel that way. That's love.

Zhao Jing and Xie Wang

Finally, some thoughts on the villain villains of this show!

Zhao Jing is boring as hell but for this show that's pretty much what he should be. After all, this show (and Wen Kexing) doesn't see Zhao Jing as the root of all evil in the jianghu, the root of the MC's problems. It's the jianghu at large that is the issue, the accumulation of petty ambition and cowardice, ppl neglecting to stand up for what's right and easily accusing others of wrong. Zhao Jing is just the best person to represent this type of banal evil, and he really is fucking banal. Like, we know he had an inferiority complex to the rest of his friend group, and there's no apparent reason for it, he just did. Most of his big murders he didn't even commit but got someone else to do--Gao Chong wielding the blade he poisoned, Ghost Valley killing Wen Kexing's parents, etc etc. He's just this boring ambitious guy who knows how to manipulate ppl and get what he wants. I have no idea what Luo Fumeng saw in him but I guess that's her problem.

Also I think Zhao Jing would never have seen his ultimate fate coming. Like he could picture Wen Kexing or some other foe killing him, or his ambitions ending in disgrace. But Xie'er breaking his leash, betraying him, and keeping him as a helpless prisoner for the rest of his (admittedly short, but only by happenstance) life? It's not within his range of calculations; he really, really doesn't pay enough attention to Xie'er.

Liked Xie'er a lot! I've seen ppl say he's a lot like Wen Kexing but I don't really agree with that. I mean, they're both silk hiding steel, suave and friendly, obsessed with their man, and actually very violent with a terrible reputation, so there's that. But Xie'er's arc is him realizing his master is using him without valuing him, may betray him in the future and is not worthy of following, and ends with him betraying and not-quite-killing his master--seems more Zhou Zishu to me. And the Scorpions seem more similar to Tian Chuang than to Ghost Valley; sure, their personalities are similar to the ten top ghosts, but their function is that of an assassination squad, not that of a Bunch of Evil Fuckers Who Go Around Causing Trouble Bc They're Evil. Anyway idk I think Xie'er is more like Zhou Zishu than Wen Kexing BUT I also think Xie'er/Wen Kexing would be a more fun ship and I wish there was more fic for it. (If anyone has recommendations, let me know.)

Overall

A good show. I don't think it would go on my list of favorites bc 1) like I said, the intrigue plots bore me, and I usually love intrigue and 2) the uneven pacing is annoying. But I liked most of the characters and there was really some great fighting. As wuxia shows go, I'd say I liked it better than Ancient Detective but less than The Flame's Daughter or Handsome Siblings. That's very much a matter of taste, though. (If I ever did a review on The Flame's Daughter or Handsome Siblings you'd find out I recommend them only with a bunch of caveats).

Anyway I'm glad I watched a popular show for once, bc that means there's quite a bit of fanfic and fanart out there! I should have fun.

[mrpenguinpants]

Also. I love this screenshot

I finally FINALLY finished the story quest so I can reply to this lol. I'm only how many months late?? But I'm here now and ready to slap the whiteboard.

@5aph join us at the round table

Note: I'm going off Mihoyo's cutscene trailers so Lumine is the "evil" twin and Aether is the one we play.

---

Honestly, I think we've been pretty spot on with our theories. Maybe not the specifics but in general we have been. I still believe in the theory we made last time where: because Khaenri'ah never had a God, they had to find a way to survive in a different way. Creating machines and using alchemy/khemia instead of visions or having an archon.

Now it's confirmed that Dainsleif used to be a part of Khaenri'ah and worked as some sort of guard (PRINCE KAEYA AU WHERE) but this makes me wonder. If Khaenri'ah was already going to shit when Dainsleif was "mortal" how the fuck is Kaeya okay?? Was Khaenri'ah just a shit place to live and that caused his father to take him to Teyvat to save their already ruined world? It's been 500 years so were their just a group of humans somehow living? Or maybe Khaenri'ah is separated from Teyvat and therefore, time passed faster/slower?

Honestly, I think the Unknown God was talking about how Khaenri'ah people were building machines that were stronger than vision holders (according to Dain and Mr.Wolf). If Record of Ragnarok has taught me anything, it's that God's are assholes. Plus if you think about it, that's kinda how the electro archon is. Venti doesn't really care about his Archon duties and Zhongli found empathy/humanity through Guizhong but I fully believe in Dictator Zhongli if Guizhong never existed. I'm assuming that Khaenri'ah people were oppressed or were getting a bit too cocky, either accidentally turning themselves into monsters through khemia or the gods did that themselves, then Unknown God appears and you know the rest. Or maybe, and hear me out, the beginning cutscene we see is a timeline where the Travellers actually succeeded in their mission to help Khaenr'ah. But because of our arrogance to change destiny, we got sent back and everything was either undone or the Unknown God threw everything to shit while we were asleep. Once we woke up, everything was already ruined and etc.

But either way, she probably destroyed Khaenri'ah. Her powers are these cube things, right? And during the flashback with Lumine overlooking what appears to be Teyvat or Khaenri'ah, we see those same red cubes. But there were definitely more Gods, especially if we are going all the way back into the past. I remember Zhongli/Archon war, there were numerous Gods fighting each other. But I think she might be a part of Celestia (maybe like a guard, the same way as Dainsleif?) and not one of the original Seven but I could be completely wrong. Every Archon seems to have an element and she doesn't, plus her cubes trap people and who knows what else.

Maybe it's because I've been reading Tokyo Revengers but this feels like an "I'm going into the past to change the future". Instead of Aether + Paimon, it's Lumine + Dainsleif and they go through the same journey as us. All the stories we hear from Barbara might have come from when Lumine first travelled through Teyvat. I definitely think that the first sibling tried to save Khaenri'ah but failed and using the second sibling (aka us), they are trying to re-write the destiny they experienced. The one where everything goes to shit.

I definitely believe that both Dain and Lumine had the same idea. They wanted to stop the Gods and they both dislike them. But due to some unfortunate incident, Lumine became "corrupted" in the sense that the "end justifies the means" while Dainsleif wanted to rely on himself and not involve others. So they separated and that's why even though the Abyss Order and Dain share a common goal, he's actively fighting against the Order. Plus, considering that this was in the past, I would assume that Venti/Zhongli aren't the same happy/calm people like they are during our adventure. Plus I think Paimon is a better friend compared to Dain when it comes to emotions too.

As for the Tsaritsa, yeah I would agree that she is trying to do the same thing. We're not 100% sure if she's trying to wage war against Celestia or there is an ulterior motive but Childe did say that Tsaritsa wasn't a bad person. But honestly same?? Where is Venti + Zhongli in this?? Give me more lore crumbs plss.

Now the upside-down Archon statue. We see the statue chained up and the symbolism is literally screaming in our faces. perhaps this is something Khaenri'ah people did because they had no archon? Not exactly the same way since I don't think they could lug a giant statue away but using Archon objects to draw power to use them as a catalyst? Re-watching the cutscenes, apparently, they are using the statue as a base, attaching osial's limbs to construct a mechanized god. Since the statue holds abyss power which corrupted Dvalin and it was strong enough to kill a human (like we saw with the thief) it makes sense.

It makes you wonder how Dain got his immortality. Perhaps he was going to become an Abyss Herald himself but something happened, maybe Lumine stopped his transformation since they used to be partners. Or dain is just an op bastard and broke free and fled. I'd like to believe that during the fall of Khaenri'ah, instead of helping the people he simply watched which caused Lumine to feel betrayed and that's why they went their separate ways.

I also want to point out that our twin is using the same sword that we saw during the opening cutscene. But I think I'll stop here since this post is long enough lol. Ty for being patient with me (❤´艸｀❤)

[bonesandquills]

Two Sides (Darkiplier x Reader, Part One)

Warning: Angsty fluff. I took waaaay to many liberties with this story, but I hope you guys like it.

No specific gender, I think. If you see something that changes that please let me know and I'll fix it!

You had been living in the manor for quite a while now. How you got there was a matter up for debate, but debate among the inhabitants of this place usually ended with an injury and some blood. You assumed you had wandered in, but you didn't quite remember...

In any case, that didn't matter. You were as much a part of this place as Dark, Wilford, Yancy, or any of the others were. They accepted you like family, some more than others. Mark, the tall dashing owner of the manor, was the most warm and welcoming. He was referred to as 'Actor' by most of the others, and they seemed to keep out of his way. You didn't quite understand why, he seemed kind. A little egotistical, but he was always looking after you, asking how you were feeling or if you wanted anything.

You didn't ever quite understand the reason for this place, or the sort of work that Mark and the other egos did. You knew that they never strayed far from the manor.

You were on pretty good terms with just about everyone except Dark, with whom you had no terms at all. He was aloof, cold, haughty, and went out of his way to avoid contact with everyone unless it was absolutely necessary. When he spoke, his tone was quiet and melancholy, devoid of most emotion. You knew he wasn't human, most of the people here weren't. Still, he seemed odder than the rest. Maybe it was his red and blue aura that flared up when he was angry. Maybe it was his sense of always being a few seconds ahead of himself, as if he was reading a script and remembering what to say next. Maybe it was.... it could've been anything, really.

You knew, subconsciously, that he was a villain. That's what Mark had told you.

"Darling," he had said, using his favorite name for you. "I need to speak to you about something important."

You had looked at him curiously, waiting for him to continue.

"I want you to stay away from Darkiplier. He's dangerous. He's nothing but a villain, and that's all he'll ever be. He'll try to take you, try to manipulate you, and I don't want to see that happen to you."

Sure, Dark had a temper, but you'd never seen him do anything inherently evil. Still, you supposed Mark knew him best and you trusted Mark. You didn't go out of your way to avoid him, but you didn't try to seek him out either. He didn't really seem to like you either, so it all worked out.

Until... it didn't.

You started to notice things, things you would have let pass by a few times, but they continued to happen, and finally you had to admit something was wrong. Mark had been acting... wrong. He said everything as if it were a memorized line, but sometimes he would slip up. After one of these, he'd disappear into his room and refuse to speak to anyone, even you. This made you feel hurt, and alone, and you started spending more time in the Manor's library.

What had happened to your sweet, lovable Mark? Why did he now does add much time as he could away from you? Why could he now not meet your eyes?

With these thoughts running through your head, you didn't quite watch where you were going when you stepped out of the library, and crashed into someone very cold.

You stumbled back, close to losing your balance, but were stopped by a chilled hand grasping your upper arm.

"Are all humans so clumsy?" Dark said in his quiet, rumbling tone. "Or is it just you?"

You looked up at him and scowled. With Dark, you are never sure if he was teasing or actually just an asshole.

"I'm not clumsy, you ran into me."

He gave a small minuscule tilt of his head. "No. You crashed into me because you," He brushed past you into the library. "Were simply not watching where you were going."

You scowled and walked off.

Later, you ran into him in the hallway. Not literally this time, just a simple chance encounter. You made fun of the disorganized bundle of papers in his arms and he replied with some snarky remark. You grinned and parted ways.

And so this continued. You would find him in the library, or wandering the corridors, or simply sitting in the garden, all things that you liked to do. Slowly, but surely, your conversations with him became longer, further than just exchanging pleasantries. You grew to find yourself thinking about him when he wasn't around, not in any romantic sense, but just that he was someone new to talk to. You made a more conscious effort to find him, to engage in conversation.

Slowly, eventually, after many months of tentative acquaintanceship, he began to do the same. He would join you in the library, or simply accompany you on one of your walks outside the manor. He couldn't stay away long, but what time he could he spent with you.

The reason he gave, always, was that he was bored. He had nothing else to do, so he might as well spend it with you, pathetic mortal that you were. But you knew him better than to accept that as his reason.

Everyone else in the Manor was terrified of him. Not that you quite blamed them, he made quite a daunting figure. Still, you didn't mind his outward appearance, and he found that... fascinating. Comforting, perhaps.

Maybe, for all his cold resentment towards anything living, Dark just wanted someone to talk to.

"Are you even listening?"

You snapped out of your thoughtful stupor. You were walking next to Dark through the Manor gardens, and had gazed off while he was talking.

"Sorry, Dark, I wasn't paying attention."

"Obviously. So what's on your mind?"

You paused. "Nothing important."

"You, dear, are a terrible liar," He said nonchalantly. "And I hate liars. Try again."

You gave a short laugh. "I was just thinking about Mark."

You paused as you saw him tense, his eyes darkening slightly. When he saw you watching the look disappeared as soon as it came.

"Oh? And... what about him?"

"Has he been seeming... off, to you?"

You thought you heard him scoff, but maybe you were imagining it. "No, I hadn't noticed."

"Oh... well, we used to be sort of a thing, you know? I was really close, and now I think something's happened. He just seems like he's uninterested and he spends a lot of time just avoiding me. You work with him, has he said anything?"

You looked at him expectantly, but he only sneered.

"Me, work with him? Only because I have to."

You raised an eyebrow, confused. "What do you mean?"

"You must have noticed. I can't go far from the Manor."

You nodded. "Yes, you're connected to it. Mark said something about your death-"

Dark turned to you. "And how exactly did he tell you I died? What extravagant lie did he make up for you this time, hm?"

You furrowed your brow, surprised by this sudden outburst. "Mark.... Mark wouldn't lie to me. He would never."

Dark's black eyes bore into yours, but there was no malice there, not any that was directed to you at least. "Of course he wouldn't. So what did he tell you."

You gathered your thoughts, growing more doubtful by the moment. "He.... he said that you got shot. That you make William angry and he shot you."

He looked at you. "Anything else?"

"No, he said that you were brought back by the Manor."

Dark sighed and rubbed his head. "Another one..."

You did a double take. "What do you mean, 'another one'?"

"Another romantic partner, another lie, another story."

"Another... partner?"

Dark gave you a grin that seemed more sinister than reassuring. He started walking again, in his wide-paced stance and his hands behind his back. You didn't follow, thinking that this was one of his signals, meaning he didn't want to talk anymore. At least until he paused and spoke without turning his head. "Are you coming?"

You hurried after him.

"Everything you know about Mark is a lie," he said bluntly, without giving you any time to react or interrupt. "You are not the first person he has brought to this place, not the first one he has charmed with his lies." He took a deep breath. "This place is far, far older than you believe, and so are all of us. We all died several years ago."

You nodded. So far, you followed.

"We, however, were not the cause. Mark may paint himself the hero, but he is far from that." As he spoke his words grew lower and more laced with ringing static. "He killed all of us."

"But.... Wilford's not dead?"

"Yes, he is. As dead as all of us, but it didn't happen here. That's not important."

"Long ago, Mark married a woman named Celine. He was entirely devoted to her. He gave her everything. But she betrayed him, and cheated on him with his best friend, his brother. Wilford."

You felt your heart pang. Having been cheated on before, you knew how that felt.

Dark continued. "The betrayal sent him mad. He decided to get his revenge on everyone, even those who had nothing to do with it."

"What do you mean by that?"

He growled lowly. "Have you heard talk of a man named Damien?"

You nodded silently.

"He was Celine's brother. He was the Mayor of this town, before the world came crashing down around us. He didn't have anything to do with Celine and her cheating, but Mark directed all of his wrath... at him. His second brother."

"He sought to make himself the hero of the story, his broken mind not being able to comprehend the terrible things that he was doing. In his thinking, he was doing right, and we were the villains. He faked his own death, and one by one took the rest of us."

He didn't want to seem to go into detail, and you weren't going to push him. There would be time for that later, and you didn't think that this was the right state to be pushing Dark into.

"I was... forced, into this body. I share it with three other souls. I was given the anger, the means, to be the villain. So..." He spread his hands in a 'what you see' gesture. "Here I am. The villain."

Your head was spinning and everything seemed loud. "So... why did Mark bring me here?"

Dark smirked. "Don't you know? Ever hero needs a damsel in distress."

"Distress? I'm not in distress."

With these words, Dark held his head. He mumbled something under his breath, something you couldn't make out. When he looked up, any trace of the kindness or softness you had previously seen in him was gone. He gripped your wrist almost painfully, and dragged you close to him.

"Are you so sure about that, darling dear?"

[headcans-oneshots-and-stuff]

Hogwarts No.1 Ship

Fandom: Harry Potter  Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader Word count: 3.4k Summary: You - Rubeus Hagrid’s niece and a surprising slytherin - have a crush on the Slytherin prince himself, but you are sugar and he is spice and there is no world where the two of you would fit together...right? Warning: Swearwordsm concussion, broken bones, but mostly fluffffffffff Requested by the amazing and patient (I’m really sorry it took so long) @onlycherryblossom​: Hi! I love your work and I was wondering if you could right a Draco Malfoy x Reader. you know, the one we talked about. It'd be so awesome! i hope you have a good day/night! (I won’t put our chat in here so that I don’t spoiler anything)

Hogwarts had rarely ever known two students who were as opposite to each other as Draco Malfoy and Y/N Hagrid. Draco - who was the embodiment of how people imagined the stereotype of Slytherin to be - was (most of the time) a prideful, cold, unempathetic prick, while you were a selfless, positive thinking, kind and gentle soul that could‘ve been a descendant of Helga Huffelpuff herself. The two of you did have one thing in common though. Your house. The hat had made you both into Slytherins which was on Draco’s side not surprising at all, but quite a shock for everyone who had talked to you for even a minute. Probably the biggest shock was courtesy of Rubeus Hagris - Half-Giant and your adopted uncle (on his father’s side) - who insisted that the hat must have made a mistake, but was quickly shot down by Dumbledoor who assured that the hat didn‘t make any mistakes. After some initial tumbling though, Hagrid realized that the house didn‘t make the person and that it didn‘t matter in what house you were sorted into, you’d always be his little pumpkin. And he was quite right. Even after you had been a Slytherin for just about five years, you had only grown more kind and loving - having bonded with many people in the other houses and years, but not quite as many in your own house. You’d call Blaze and Millicent maybe something close to friends and Pansy tolerated you which is why you gave her the title of ‘good acquaintances‘, but other than that you didn‘t really have a lot of contact with them in your free time. The most complicated relationship you held though was the one to the aforementioned Draco Malfoy. In a weird twist of fate the two of you somehow became the main ship in Hogwarts (with Harry and Ginny or Harry and Hermione as close second) even though you couldn‘t remember more than two or three times that you had talked to the boy outside of a classroom or study environment. Sure, he had never bullied or teased you which already differentiated you from most of the students, but you simply explained it by the fact that you were a good student - especially in potions class - and behaved well enough to gain a number of house points which made you into a good asset to Slytherin and as such made you a less logical target. Now all in itself that would‘ve been more than fine with you, but for some stupid reason your heart decided to betray you against it‘s better judgement and fall for him. Somehow, even after years of seeing him kick others down and behave like a complete douchebag you couldn‘t help but blush slightly at the mention of his name and feel your heart flutter when you walked by him in the hall or in the common room. The worst part was in potions class where he sat right beside you after Snape deemed your former partner as way too unqualified for one of his best students and exchanged him for Draco. Working with him in and of itself was actually rather nice. He was a good student and did his work thoroughly and mindfully, but you found it hard to concentrate when his hand brushed yours as you read a passage in the book or when he poured ingredients in the coultron that you were stirring. You really tried to ignore your feelings and ban every thought of him, but it seemed like you weren‘t doing the best job at it since your uncle kept asking about what it was that was distracting you all the time. On a rainy October day fairly at the beginning of your fifth year you decided you had enough. You were sitting in your Uncles hut with a plate of more or less edible cookies in front of you and a cup of something that was surely supposed to be tea when you finally gathered the courage to say what you had been meaning to say for weeks now. “Uncle Rubeus, can I ask you something?” Hagrid turned to you with his usual smile as he patted fang who was drooling all over his lap where he had laid his head. “Course ya can pumpkin. What’s it about?” “Uhm...well… you know there is this boy that I-“ “Ohhh Ah see,” Hagrid quickly interrupted you before you could even ask the question, “Ya know, usually I’d be more than happy to help ya with every question you have but ah really don’t thin’ I’m the right person for this, I’m sorry.” A little bit disappointed but not really surprised you just sighed and shook your head, telling him that it was okay, before bidding your goodbyes and making your way back to the castle quietly mulling over what exactly your plan b should be now that plan a had failed and you still had no idea what to do with or how to get rid of your stupid crush on Draco.

“You know what I would do if I were you?“ Ginny asked and pointed the end of her quill at you. The both of you were sitting in a corner of the library where you had planned to help her study for her upcoming potions exam, only for her to basically interrogate you until you admitted that you had an unlucky crush, even though she luckily hadn‘t pushed you to tell her who the guy you had a crush on was. “I‘d probably just tell them, I mean what do you have to lose. Either he‘ll say yes and you‘re happy or he says no and you just avoid him like he doesn‘t even exist - which would honestly be the appropriate reaction if he refuses a snack like you. See, no real downside to it.“ “Oh really? Hmmm, I wonder why you haven‘t told Harry how you feel yet then,“ you teased her and tapped your chin. Ginny‘s face immediately started to rival the colour of her hair and the way she crossed her arms in front of her chest and pouted reminded you of an overgrown toddler - but in a cute way. “I-I don‘t like Harry, okay? I mean I did when I was like ten because he was famous and I was a child,“ she tried to make sure you really knew how silly she wanted you to believe she thought it was by drawing out the word child for a good few seconds before rolling her eyes and looking to the side, “And anyway, it‘s not like he‘d date his best friend’s sister…“ “Oh Gin,“ you immediately felt bad and grabbed one of her hands with yours, “Have you looked at yourself? You‘re amazing and if Harry doesn‘t see that through his stupid invisible cloak and these glasses than he doesn‘t even deserve you.“ “Even though I admit that yes, I am amazing, this isn‘t the topic that we should be conversing about right now, remember? I think there‘s a certain blond Slytherin that you should be worried about more right now.“ Immediately blood shot right to your cheeks and you quickly looked around to make sure no one could‘ve heard her before leaning forward and hissing: “What? No? I don‘t like Draco? Why would you even think that? I never said that he is the one I have a crush on.“ Ginny just raised her eyebrows in an unimpressed manner, leaning back in her chair and picking the quill back up to play around with while she talked. “Listen honey, I‘m not judging you or anything. Don‘t get me wrong, I still and probably will always think Draco is a major asshole and doesn‘t even deserve to breath the same air as you-“ “He isn‘t that bad…“ “Yes he is, but anyways, no matter what I think of him I also know that you are a clever girl that knows how to protect herself and who knows, maybe you‘d even have a good influence on him.“ Images of you and Draco together with your friend group laughing and having fun crossed your mind and you could feel your heartbeat fasten involuntarily. “That‘s all great and good, but like I said, I don‘t have a crush on Draco,“ you gave the hope of getting out of this situation with the lie you‘ve been telling yourself for months still intact one last try, but Ginny didn‘t give it the time of day. “Oh please, I see the way you look at him in the dining hall and how your eyes are always on him when he‘s playing quidditch and just now you defended him even though the two of you aren‘t even friends. My love-radar is pinging like crazy around the two of you which is why I, Ginny Wealey also known as the love witch-“ “No one calls you that,“ you interrupted her only to be shushed by an evil glare. “I, Ginny Weasley, will help you in fulfilling your desire and getting together with Draco and I already have the perfect plan.“ “No no no no, please don‘t! Don‘t do this! Ginny no!“ you tried to make your point clear but she was already cleaning up her stuff and getting ready to leave. “Don‘t worry oh sweet Y/N, the next time we‘ll talk everything will be set in motion,“ she winked before dashing off leaving you standing in her figurative dust with your mouth agape for a few seconds before you let your head sink onto the table. This would definitely take an interesting turn…

After that you definitely started to actively avoid Draco which was - surprisingly enough - not as easy as you thought. Somehow he was almost always at least in your near vicinity. Besides the obvious factors of class (where you tried to focus on working and on praying whatever Ginny had planned wouldn‘t happen) and when you were eating in the great hall (where you had resorted to sitting at the very end of the table as far away from him as possible) he seemed to also be there in your free time. You were relaxing in the common room? He was there reading a book. You were outside with Harry and co.? Guess who’s coming their way to insult them (while not saying a single bad thing about you). By now there were just about three places where you were sure that he wouldn’t be able to pop up at any given moment. Your room, the bathroom and the potions classroom on Wednesday and Friday afternoon when class has already ended. After Snape had realized that he had some real potions-potential sitting in front of him he offered you extra credit as some sort of teaching assistant which basically meant that you helped him prepare lessons, helped him grade the first to third years tests and that you cleaned up and organized the potions classroom twice a week. Now usually, knowing that you were more than capable of handling the potions and ingredients standing around on your own after having seen you do it for a few months, you‘d be alone while you cleaned up except for the occasional visit of your professor to tell you which ingredients you should put on the students desks for the next class, but for some reason the next Friday - three days after Ginny had made her promise to you - the door already stood open and you could hear Professor Snape talking to someone. “I really expected better of you, your action is the reasons Slytherin has lost 50 housepoints and I hope you know that it is on you to gain them back, no matter your status,“ Snape‘s voice carried to where you stood and you wondered who the student was if Snape went so easy on them with his lecture. Usually you‘d be afraid for your life after losing even ten house points so getting such a calm reaction for 50 must‘ve really meant something. Your questions about the identity of the student were answered when you entered the dungeon room and immediately felt yourself freeze. Of course not even you (time dependent) sanctuary was safe anymore. Of course Draco just had to stand there and look at you without any identifiable emotion in his gaze. “Ah, Miss Hagrid, right on time as always,“ Snape nodded after he also noticed you and you felt slightly more at ease knowing that with him there nothing could really happen. “Should I come back later?” you asked politely, not sure if you had interrupted something. “No, you may stay. Mister Malfoy over here has got himself caught trying to sabotage McGonagall class, a childish act which I would’ve expected of the Weasleys but really not from you. As a punishment he will be the one to clean the potions classroom bi-weekly from now on until he has regained the house points lost. You’ll supervise him.” “I’m sorry, I’m not quite sure I understand.” “Malfoy will do all the cleaning but since he has no experience with it I can’t just leave him alone so, since you’d be here anyway, you can watch him and make sure that everything goes orderly.“ It wasn‘t really a question as much as a command, something that you were used to from Snape, so you just nodded and bid him goodbye as he went to his office, leaving you and Draco behind. By now you had seen through what was happening. This was Ginny‘s plan. Somehow she must‘ve managed to blame Malfoy for the prank on McGonagall - something rather extreme given the taken house points- hoping (or somehow knowing) that his punishment would force you to spend at least an hour with him alone in a dimmed room twice a week. Inwardly you cursed your friend, while outwardly you tried everything to avoid directly looking at Draco as you explained his tasks to him before you sat down at your usual place and pulled out a book really hoping you could get him to not talk to you that way. Either your plan was working great or Draco just really didn‘t care for you, because an hour later you still hadn‘t exchanged any words, instead he dutifully, but slightly pouting, had done his job while you shot him the occasional glance to make sure he was doing it correctly. “I think that was all, you should be good to go now,“ you told him with a small smile, relieved that you were finally free to leave the room and with that the tension that had built up inside you as a mix of nervousness and fear. Draco had opened his mouth to respond when a third year came rushing inside with at least twelve books in her arms that almost towered over her which she quickly placed on a table, slightly out of breath. “Professor Snape sent me. He said these have to be sorted and put away.” You could probably feel Draco’s sigh before he had made it and - not really fond of spending more time so frustratingly close to your crush and yet so far - you just nodded and told both of them that you’d take care of it and that they could leave, which both promptly did. You took the books and carried them to the back of the room where a sole, old bookshelf was standing - since the students mostly had their own books - and started putting them away when you heard a sickening crunch before suddenly the shelf including books came crashing down at you and before you could even think to pull out your wand, the world turned black.

“I’m so so so sorry, you were right I shouldn’t have interfered, if I’d just listened to you you wouldn‘t be lying here now,“ Ginny whined from beside your bed where she had been sitting for the past twenty minutes apologizing over and over again and blaming herself for the broken arm, leg and the concussion that had you unable to leave the infirmary for the next three days to a week. “Ginny, how often do I gotta tell you, it isn’t your fault! I would’ve sorted those books in anyways - no matter if you had pulled that prank or not - and it would’ve fallen anyways,” you tried to reassure her and gave her a soft smile. “But-“ “No but, okay? We can’t change the past anyways, and even if we could I wouldn’t because thanks to you, I don’t have to take that stupid DADA test.” Your attempt to lighten the mood seemed to work, because soon you and Ginny were back to your usual conversation-style and it relieved you immensely. It made you feel okay again. She was just telling you of a stung Harry had pulled in the Gryffindor Common room when she suddenly paused mid sentence and looked up. You followed her eyes to where they were placed firmly on a certain Platinum blond boy that looked simultaneously like he’d rather be everywhere else and like he was glad to be there, it was a sight to see. “I think I’ll leave for now, I’ll come back later with tons of sweets that Luna and I are going to steal from Harry’s personal stash,” Ginny said goodbye and gave you a wink as she walked away making you torn between wanting to roll your eyes and feeling yourself blush. Unsure of what to do next you motioned to the chair that Ginny had just occupied and Draco seemed to get the hint because he quickly sat down. “Hey-“ “Hi-“ “Sorry, you first.” “No it’s fine, you’re injured, you go first.” “Well, uhm-“ you took a deep breath to calm yourself down, “-I wanted to thank you, for bringing me here I mean, Madame Pomfrey told me you carried me all the way.” You looked away hoping that he wouldn’t see how nervous you were. “You don’t need to thank me, I couldn’t just let you lay there buried under books, your not Granger after all,” he said, seemingly trying to joke but immediately noticed that it was probably not the best thing to say given that you and Hermione were good friends. “Listen, what I came here for,” now it was Draco’s turn to take a deep breath, “I’ve been meaning to tell you something, but you were always with Potter or avoiding me or whatever, but after I saw you lying there… I guess I was just worried for you, I really don’t want you to get hurt.” Now that definitely caught your attention. For a second you played with the thought that this could possibly not be Malfoy but just someone else playing him with the help of polyjuice potion because he was definitely not acting like himself, but something in his word convinced you otherwise. “Thanks, I think, but would you mind me asking why? I mean...we’re not really the closest of friends,” you asked him, looking directly into his face to search signs of a possible answer. “Fuck it, I like you, okay? Happy?” You were completely stunned. Stunned, speechless, shocked. In all the time that you had been crushing on him you had never even really considered even the slightest possibility that he could reciprocate your feelings but now here he was telling you straight up. “You-You like me? Like like-like me?” You asked, just really wanting to be sure. There was a hint of nervousness and worry in his eyes, but he hid it behind a wall of annoyance. “You heard me, didn’t you? So, just get it over with, do you like me too or do you not, because if you don’t then I don’t want to waste my time any longer.” This definitely sounded more like the Draco you were used to and you had to giggle a little bit. “Yes, yes I like you too,” you confessed and like it was the most natural thing in the world you moved the uninjured hand over to where he laid on your bed and took it in yours. For the moment, you were caught in the shimmer of happiness and glee at having your crush there with you, definitely something more than your crush, and it would probably take a while until you‘d realize that there were some interesting things to follow, like telling your uncle about this for example...

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Lily Evans and Severus Snape: Headcanons

So, I was asked in the ask about Sirius and Regulus what I thought about Snape and Lily. At this point people are probably going, “Oh that Carnivorous Muffin is just clearly a Snape stan who thinks he could never do anything wrong and anyone who was slightly mean to him is evil.” Shockingly, I’m actually not, I just happen to think sexual harassment and attempted murder are bad and probably worse than JKR intended (I do think she was trying to go the “boys will be boys” route versus “oh my god, they just dumped pigs blood on Carrie at the prom and then threw her at a starving vampire”)

So let’s start on Snape.

First, Snape did live an incredibly shitty life, with circumstances beyond his control, that did lead to many of his poorer choices. In no way am I saying that it was alright for Snape to have grown up in an impoverished, abusive, household and endured years of humiliation and torment at school. 

That said, I believe that we all, in some respects, are responsible for our actions and our decisions. Yes, even when we come from non-privileged backgrounds. Life is hard, some people will have it much easier than you, that doesn’t excuse you becoming a domestic terrorist or tormenting and terrifying your students, young children, so much so that an entire generation comes out with a loathing and incompetence in your subject.

I guess let’s start back on his friendship with Lily Evans. We get... a really weird perspective from Snape on that friendship. Time and her tragic death have warped it into this strange worship where I’m not sure the Lily Evans that exists in his mind and memory is the one that really was there. She’s this shining Madonna idol who he failed, actively betrayed, is very very hung up about it years later.

I suspect they weren’t as good of friends as either of them thought they were and it comes down to Snape’s resentment of his own upbringing and muggles. I believe Snape was very racist towards muggles, specifically, due to his father. It was his way of grappling with his home life and only fueled by being in Slytherin. Lily was probably, in his mind, always a golden exception to the rule (Lily is the token, gold standard, muggleborn where she’s pretty, brilliant, charming, etc.) That Severus himself was a halfblood clearly caused him some angst. What I’m getting at is that I believe throughout their entire friendship, especially when they got to Hogwarts, there was an unacknowledged undercurrent of intense racism that eventually boiled up with that one incident in Snape’s fifth year.

Calling her that, while he views it as a slip of the tongue that damned him for all time, I see it more as a Freudian Slip. That sort of thing doesn’t just slip out from nowhere, not at that age when they both knew exactly what that word meant, it simmers beneath the surface, and was ultimately what he thought of her. Later, she became the Madonna figure that he views her as today (ironically perhaps even less of a person than he viewed her as at the time).

That said I think a number of factors played into the young Snape becoming a Death Eater. One, becoming friends with Lucius/that crowd who were all being sucked into Tom’s influence. Two, having his terrible home life and all the implications of Snape resenting his own blood status as well as muggles and muggle borns at large. Three, the loss of friendship with Lily (now there’s nothing to hold him back anymore, he has no reason to preserve muggleborn life). Fourth, Dumbledore’s letting Sirius, James, and Remus entirely off the hook in the werewolf incident.

That last one, especially, I imagine cemented Snape’s utter hatred of ‘the light’ (don’t get me started on the stupidity of light/dark in Harry Potter but I guess I’ll use the term) and those that cater to muggleborns. They’re hypocrites of the highest order, Dumbledore claiming to defend the poor and non-nobility, when he goes and does the exact opposite (James is the next lord Potter, Sirius is still pureblooded even if disowned, Severus Snape is a dirt poor halfblood). 

So what I’m saying is I understand why Snape did become a Death Eater, I do not condone this action. Especially as, unlike Regulus, Snape never gets cold feet. He loves being a Death Eater at first, he’s living the dream, getting all the revenge he ever wanted and burning the stupid wizarding world to the ground as he scrambles for ways to climb in Tom Riddle’s graces. We don’t see any hint that he was wavering, thinking of the fact that beloved Lily might die in battle, perhaps at his hand, until the prophecy. 

Now, I’m a little kinder than some about the prophecy. We know Snape overhears the first portion of the prophecy in early 1980. He eagerly rushes to the dark lord, regales him with the prophecy in both a) aid to the cause and b) in the hopes of climbing in the ranks and gaining the dark lord’s notice. At this point, Lily Evans is pregnant, perhaps knows the gender, but has not given birth. Months later, when both Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter are born at the end of July, Snape realizes he has signed Lily Evans’ death warrant (because despite Dumbledore talking, I imagine Tom always planned to kill off both children, Pettigrew just happened to make things convenient for Tom to go to the Potters first).

With Lily’s death now so inevitable, and her blood on his own hands, Snape has his existential crisis, goes to Dumbledore who puts the Potters in hiding and becomes a double agent. Snape also pleads for Lily’s life with Tom and he puts in a minimal amount of effort to spare the woman. 

Then Lily dies anyway and now Snape lives in the bitter cynicism most commonly seen in characters from Game of Thrones. He’s Dumbledore’s agent and sort of a Dirty Harry character, getting to see all the nasty things that many of the other order members never have to deal with. He’s one of the more intelligent characters in the series, able to see the truth of the world he lives in, but he also doesn’t care enough to actually do anything about it. He’s a bitter, resentful, and angry protector of Harry Potter, choosing to hate a naive child for all the reminders of his own terrible life (both in Lily, for failing and betraying her, and in James his most hated rival and tormentor). He gleefully enables the favoritism of Slytherin (my god how he panders to Draco Malfoy) while tormenting poor Neville into terror (that Neville’s greatest 13 year old fear is Snape is very telling).

Basically by the time we get to him in canon Snape not only isn’t happy but I think he doesn’t want to be happy. He’s accustomed to his bitterness, his cynicism, his quiet rage and moves forward out of both resignation, guilt, and a sense of obligation to a woman’s ghost. The actions he takes in canon aren’t so much for Harry as they are for the memory of Lily Evans.

Even if Snape could be happy at that point, change his life or his purpose, I do not think he would. He’s a man who has given up on life.

Now, onto Lily Evans.

You probably think I’m going to rail on her to for the sheer hypocrisy and nerve of marrying James Potter. I’m actually not. Lily Evans is one of my favorite characters in the Harry Potter series and probably the one I’d label as the most moral (though that’s a very low bar in Harry Potter, the characters are almost all assholes, but even so Lily would still be very high on the list).

You know what, I’m just going to damn myself and sound like a crazy person. Lily Evans always reads to me as a more moral young female Tom Riddle.

What the hell? You undoubtedly ask but I’ll explain.

Lily, while having a far more stable homelife than Tom Riddle, also comes from a muggleborn background. She’s exceptionally brilliant, very good looking, and very charming with a lot of people who would call her friends but no one close. Lily, aside from Snape (and that’s debatable), has no friends.

If Lily had not been a Gryffindor, and were Dumbledore not a raging misogynist, his Tom Riddle bells likely would have been ringing with her.

“But wait, that can’t be right!”

Oh, yes it can. First, as I went into above with Snape and Lily, there was something deeply wrong with that friendship. I believe they both considered themselves best friends, didn’t see many of the warning flags, but ultimately we see the giant fissure when Snape lets loose the m-word. Given all of that, I would not label them having been true friends in the first place. Just the appearance of friends.

Otherwise, while it’s very easily to canonically point out James’ friends it’s incredibly difficult to do so with Lily. First, people hardly remember Lily. We get Dumbledore talking about her like she’s the Virgin Mary, saving her son with the power of her love. We get Snape’s weird Virgin Mary impressions of her. Otherwise, it’s pretty much just Slughorn. Everyone else remembers that she married James and that was great because JAMES WAS SO COOL and that she had very striking eyes and was “nice”. Lily is less than a ghost in Harry Potter canon (sadly Harry never really realizing it).

Also, unlike James who has Sirius, Remus, and Peter to point towards (that are very important characters in canon). Lily has no one. The godmother was Alice Longbottom, a woman many years older than Lily and James who probably liked Lily well enough but I can’t imagine was a close friend. In canon there’s an offhand mention of two girls named Mary and Marlene but we don’t see much of them/Severus was always cited as Lily’s closest friend. As for Lily’s sister, well we know they’re estranged. I think it’s very telling that Lily writes a letter to Sirius, James’ best friend and certainly not hers, telling him that James is pouting over his invisibilty cloak. It’s because there was no one else to write.

So Lily Evans is a brilliant girl, who everyone likes and is very charming, but has no friends and led a very lonely and short life.

Here’s where my slack towards Lily comes in.

When she dumps Snape I completely understand why she did so. Snape dropping that word wasn’t simply a mistake, a moment of infinite regret, but something that revealed what he truly thought of her and where she came from. Lily was absolutely right in walking away.

However, without Snape, her closest friend is suddenly gone and the world is cold. As graduation approaches I imagine Lily’s career options become clearer and clearer. While very talented and smart, Lily is a muggleborn, what job she does manage to get (thanks to the sheer nepotism of the wizarding world/lack of jobs) will likely be through Slughorn if she manages to get a job at all. The world is cold and it is cruel and no one seems to even notice.

Cue James Potter. I do believe, probably until seventh year, Lily loathed James, not simply because of the horrifying things he did to Severus (and I’m sure she knew very little of it, Snape hiding most of it from her out of pride and shame), but because he’s just a giant dick. He’d make flirting with her a kind of game and joke to be shared with Sirius, something to hold over Snape’s head, like she’s a prize to be one.

However, by seventh year the werewolf incident has happened, Snape’s retreated further and further into Death Eater recruit land and she’s cut him off, and for all my “James is a dick” I do imagine he calmed down a little. Now that Snape is no longer friends with Lily/after the whole almost murder incident I imagine they didn’t bully him nearly as much as they used to. Though yes, they probably still bullied him, but Lily probably doesn’t know that now that she’s lost contact with Snape. 

James is charming and very good looking. He seems a bit more mature than he used to be. Lily is desperately lonely, living in a world that rejects everything she is, and James seems like one of the few who does support her (that James is more of a ‘pretty fly for a white guy’ kind of support for muggleborns doesn’t hit until later). So Lily is charmed and makes the largest mistake of her life, she and James start dating.

Now, given their extreme youth as well as Lily’s pedigree (say what you like, I don’t think Mr. and Mrs. Potter were thrilled that their son was dating a muggleborn) I imagine the wedding was a shot gun wedding and Lily got unintentionally pregnant. Yes, go ahead and throw fruit at me or call foul, I just can’t imagine they’d want a child that young while in the middle of a war while they’re part of an active resistance movement and only just out of Hogwarts.

Then things start snowballing downhill. Lily and James have just joined the resistance movement, Lily’s son is prophesied to defeat Voldemort, they strongly suspect one of James’ close friends is a spy, and they’re forced into hiding.

In hiding is where I imagine stress runs high and their marriage begins to fall apart. We know from Lily’s letter that James was routinely leaving hiding, using the cloak, so he could meet up with Sirius and Peter (I imagine Lupin’s on the out as they suspected he was the spy). While James might not realize what a big deal that was, I imagine Lily always did, and she begins to realize just what she’s gotten herself into but there’s no way out while in hiding.

Now we go really off the rails into headcanon territory in: what the hell is up with Harry Potter?

In my stories, I often choose the unwitting god route. Harry can’t die because he is a god, he becomes the master of death and always was the master of death. This is an answer, but it’s one that makes canon Harry a god and... I would not want canon Harry as a god. JKR and Dumbledore push the “Lily loved her child so much that it deflected death... multiple times” but this always felt... unsatisfying. Many parents love their children (fathers too, JKR, let’s not make this weird Virgin Mary thing) and yet Harry Potter alone in the history of mankind survives multiple times. 

Most likely, Lily pulled off some insane bullshit with absolutely no resources and minimal education AND EVERYONE IGNORES IT. We do know that Lily crafted the blood wards, wards stronger than anything Dumbledore himself can come up with/than Voldemort can break. Ones that protect Harry not only at home but away from it as it melts Voldemort for simply touching his skin. Lily pulled off the impossible in only a few months and did it right under everyone’s nose.

This makes her easily one of the most intelligent characters in Harry Potter. Probably beating out Dumbledore and maybe tying with Tom Riddle. And Dumbledore tells us, “Your Virgin Mary mother loved you so much, Harry, that it courses through your veins and lights those that would want to harm you on fire.”

So, that’s Lily for you.

Now, that said, I’m probably a bit biased and clearly very lenient with her marrying James. To be honest it took me years to figure out why the hell Lily would ever marry James after what happened with Severus and was always one of those weird canon things I never quite understood. He’s that good looking and charming, I guess, was my response.

The answer I now land on with some confidence was that the world is that cruel and bleak and Lily was utterly alone for two years.

By the way, a side note/plug, of all my stories while head canons do pop up here and there I think “October” is one where they tend to crop up more. It’s a vast AU of canon, but it gives an idea of what I think x character would do in y situation. 

[florrickandassociates]

TGF Thoughts: 5x01- Previously on...

Welcome back!! I’m so excited to be writing one of these again. I think this hiatus has been the longest I’ve gone without new Diane Lockhart content in ten years, and it sure feels like it. A lot of important stuff has happened in the time since TGF season four ended (not concluded—ended). Most notably, CBS All Access became Paramount+ and suddenly started offering a lot of content I care about! I kid. 2020 was quite an eventful year, so I was curious how television’s most topical show was going to take it on. TGF is always forward-looking, but too much happened in 2020 to be ignored. And while I didn’t think TGF would have much to say about the pandemic, it seemed impossible to imagine a season five that pretended it never happened. Going into this premiere, I was expecting that they’d either skip COVID entirely or include very few references, but after seeing this episode, I feel like the writers took the only approach that made sense. And that is why they are the writers, and I'm just some girl on the internet who writes recaps.  

Anyway, before I dive into the episode, I should also note that my pandemic boredom spurred me to actually pay $30 to watch this episode early as part of the virtual ATX Festival. Yes, I paid $30 on top of the money I spend every month on Paramount+ for this show. But I write tens of thousands of words about each TGF episode—are my priorities really that surprising? I note this not to brag or even to poke fun at myself, but because watching the episode before I knew a single thing about it (not even the title!) completely changed my viewing experience. I’ve never had an experience like this with TGW or TGF. I’m one to search for critics tweeting cryptically about screeners and refresh sites looking for background extras (haven’t done this in the TGF era, though) and read every single piece of press I can find. For any big episode, I usually know the outline of what to expect going in (I even knew about Will before the episode aired in the US!). Not this one! So, I got to be surprised, and I had to—gasp—formulate my own opinions before I knew what anyone else thought! It was really pleasant, actually. I think the structure of the episode worked extremely well for me because it caught me by surprise... and also because I’m the kind of person who somehow managed to write a college paper about Previously On sequences.

I see Tumblr has made it so that “keep reading” expands the post in your dash instead of opening a new tab. I absolutely hate this. Here is a link to the post you can click instead of the keep reading button! 

The ATX stream started mid-sentence, meaning I missed the “Previously On... 2020...” title card and skipped right to Adrian saying “I’m retiring.” It was pretty easy to pick up on the device (the directness of the scenes at the start, their cadence, and their placement in the episode made it clear this was meant to mimic a Previously) but the second title card hit way harder because... well, I had no idea if this was meant to be 2020 or some moment outside of real time until a bit later in the episode.  

Man, before I get any farther into this, two things that I don’t know where else to put. First, this episode had to cover so much ground. They had to write out both Adrian and Lucca—more on that later--, figure out how to deal with all of 2020, figure out how to either wrap up or continue all the truncated season 4 plotlines, and set the stage for a new season... in 50 minutes.  

Second, just wanna shout out the Kings’ other Paramout+ show, Evil, which you should absolutely be watching even if you hate horror. Evil is a Kings show, so it is unsurprisingly topical (sometimes evil takes the form of racism or misogyny or Scott Rudin) and at times very, very funny. I would be recapping it if Paramount+ weren’t attacking me personally by airing it at the same time as TGF. Ever hear of too much of a good thing, people?! (On that note, I am VERY upset with myself for not having made a Good vs Evil joke about the Good shows and Evil. I didn’t even think about it until Robert King made the joke on Twitter, and it was right fucking there. How did I fail so miserably?!)  

So STR Laurie, who wants a 20% downsizing, is still a thing. Noted.

This scene with Landau is the only one in this previously that is actually old footage, right?  

Unexpected Margo Martindale! Yay! (Ruth Eastman is a character who is so much more effective on Fight than she was on Wife and I’m quite glad they’ve had her appear on Fight several times. It kind of redeems season seven. Kind of.)

I don’t think the writers intentionally chose for Adrian’s book deal to be with Simon & Schuster because it is the most politically fraught publisher (the number of stories about controversial memoirs they’ve picked up in 2021 alone...) but I kind of like that Adrian’s Road Not Taken involves S&S. My guess is they chose S&S because it is owned by ViacomCBS.  

“Years ago, I wanted to create a law firm run entirely by women, but it never worked out. So, why not now?” Diane says to Liz. One of the advantages of having twelve (!!!) seasons of Diane Lockhart is that we’ve seen what she’s talking about. And we’ve seen her put this idea forward multiple times, too. I have my reservations about Diane’s brand of feminism, and I’ll say more about how fraught a Diane/Liz firm would be as the show explores the potential issues there, but on the surface I’m kind of excited about the prospect of a Diane/Liz led firm. Diane has wanted this for ages, Liz is a good partner, and this actually makes sense (unlike the nonsensical Diane/Alicia alliance of late season seven, where the only rationale was “well, Alicia needs to betray Diane in the finale, but they’re not on good terms. So maybe we make them business partners so then the betrayal stings more?”). Plus I fully love that Diane would end up running a firm with Alicia’s law school rival.

(Has TGF mentioned that Liz and Alicia were law school rivals? No. Am I still clinging on to that as a large part of Liz’s character? ABSOLUTELY.)

Julius is on trial for Memo 618 reasons; Diane is defending him. So this is still happening. (There’s more old footage here.)  

Do they put these references to one/two party consent in these episodes as a wink at the fans? It has to be intentional. (Please do not ask me what the actual law is on this, this show has thoroughly confused me.)  

I knew Cush was filming stuff for TGF, but I didn’t know it was for the premiere. She was just posting about it a few weeks ago, so either they shot a lot of it right before air or she posted a while after filming. Anyway, yay Lucca!  

Bianca’s still around. And, TGF gets to shoot New York for New York, since Bianca is there. I do wish TGF could do more location shoots; there’s something about seeing an actual skyline that feels more real.  

Bianca wants Lucca, who has never been outside of the country (except to St. Lucia, as Bianca reminds her) to go to London and buy her a resort. It’s supposed to be a three week stay and Bianca’s already arranged childcare. Speaking of children, because of COVID and filming constraints, that’s Cush’s real kid in this scene! You can’t really see him, but I recognized his curly hair from Cush’s Instagram, and the Kings confirmed in an interview.  

Adrian wants to write a book about police brutality cases he’s worked on. Ruth very much does not want him to write that book. She wants him to write a book without substance about how white people and black people can work together. He, understandably, has no interest in writing this book. (Also, you can see in the background that Ruth doesn’t think Biden’s odds of winning the Democratic primary are good—there is a big down arrow next to his picture, which definitely dates this scene.)

Oh, David Lee is in this episode. He acts like an asshole towards Marissa when she’s trying to help him.  

Marissa, not happy with the lack of respect, calls Lucca for advice “for a friend.” Lucca mentions she’s in London and Marissa does not believe her and keeps going on and on about her frustrations and her new desire to become a lawyer—quickly.  

Marissa wanting to become a lawyer because she “hates being talked down to” is not a plot I would’ve expected but it’s also one that makes a lot of sense. I think Marissa’s used to being respected and praised even when she’s doing things that aren’t glamorous, so I see how she’d get very restless when she’s no longer outperforming expectations and is instead taken for granted.  

Bells toll in the background on Lucca’s side and Marissa asks where she is. Lucca again notes she’s in London and Marissa still doesn’t believe her.

I’m going to miss Lucca so much, especially since we’ll also be losing a lot of the Millennial Friendship scenes with her. Cush is fantastic (even if she never really got enough to do here) and she plays so well off of the rest of the cast. I even sometimes liked the writing for Maia (who?) when she had scenes with Lucca, Lucca is that good.  

Jay wakes up sweating and unable to breathe, so he deliriously calls his father-figure Adrian. This whole scene is shot like something out of Evil and (I’m getting ahead of myself here) this plot is the only thing about this episode I felt was a misstep.  

“I think you’re my father,” Jay says to Adrian. Heh, I didn’t catch this line the first time around (maybe subliminally I did, since I just called Adrian his father figure lol) but I love that it is included here. Adrian and Jay’s relationship definitely deserves a goodbye.

Adrian calls an ambulance and also gets to Jay before the ambulance somehow. Adrian notes that Jay might have “this thing from China” and... we’re doing the pandemic, y’all. (Minor nitpick: on March 13th, 2020, when this scene is dated, COVID was not “this thing from China”-- we were all aware of it. March 11th was the day Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson announced they’d tested positive and the NBA shut down and travel was restricted and every single brand that had my email sent me a message about their plans and measures. March 12th was the last time I was in my office, and we’d been getting emails telling us to wash our hands and prepare to work remotely for weeks. I went to San Francisco in mid-late February and distinctly remember deciding to leave a burrito unattended on a table while I washed my hands because I was paranoid about COVID... and then I remember making a specific trip to Walgreens to buy hand sanitizer so that didn’t happen again. My point is, Adrian lives in the same world I do. On March 13th 2020, he would not be treating COVID like it was some new thing he’d vaguely heard of.)  

(I am going to nitpick this timeline, but please know that I’m only doing it because I can, not because I think it’s necessarily a bad choice. Lines like this do feel a little forced, but I see the reason for introducing COVID as something new rather than going for the line that’s exactly historically accurate. I also am pretty sure there are references to dates in March/April in s4 of TGF that are now going to be contradicted by this episode, but I truly do not care. The writers get a pass on this one.)  

We skip slightly back in time to the beginning of March after the MARCH 13TH title card, or maybe this is supposed to be after March 13th and my own memories are preventing me from believing these face-to-face interactions were happening. Who knows.

Michael Bloomberg is... here, again, I guess? He asks Diane to assist with a Supreme Court case about gun control. I guess it does add some weight to the plot and make the stakes feel higher.  

Oh hey, this case is the 7x17 case!!!! Love that continuity.  

Diane and Adrian are both at the office late, working, and there is an unnecessary split screen that feels even more unnecessary when you consider that the editing alone was enough to create the parallel.  

Diane and Adrian have a nice convo (which I’ll really miss, their dynamic is great and this really feels like a successful partnership) as they wait for the elevator. When the elevator dings, they nearly tumble down into nothingness because... the elevator never came. Apparently this is a reference to an law old show I’ve never seen that killed off a character this way, and it’s meant to be a wink at how they are not going to kill off Adrian.

I do not know why I remember this, but I do: after they killed off Will, a critic (Noel Murray; I just googled to confirm my memory) who didn’t want to spoil things tweeted, “Exactly 23 years and 2 days ago, Rosalind Shays fell down an elevator shaft.” Please tell me why I remember this reference that I didn’t even understand well enough to have tracked down the original tweet in under a minute. (https://twitter.com/NoelMu/status/447942456827326464)  

Back on this show, Diane and Adrian share a drink and talk about their wishes. Diane wants to argue in front of the Supreme Court, and Adrian encourages her to speak up. His own near-death experience motivates him to trash the book Ruth has him writing, and Diane trashes the (bad) legal strategy someone else prepared for the Supreme Court.

DIANE IS WEARING JEANS!!!!!! Tbh, I think my favorite part of this episode is how many slice-of-life scenes and settings we get. These are always my favorite moments. I love the satirical and political stuff too, but the character moments are what get me invested enough to write these. (Yes, Diane in jeans constitutes a character moment.)  

Diane tells Bloomberg she wants to be involved and advocates for herself. Kurt gets a call on their landline (hahaha) from Adrian.

God, I love Diane and Kurt. Not only is their banter fun, you can just see a different, more relaxed side of Diane in these scenes. Diane tells Kurt she has good news for herself, but bad news for him since she’s arguing for gun control. She asks him to help her prep for court, too.  

So this is before Jay is rushed to the hospital, because now we are back at the hospital with Julius, Diane, and Marissa. I do not believe any of these people would be setting foot in a hospital like it’s any other day on March 13th, 2020. But I'm trying not to nitpick.

I get why they chose to give Jay a rather severe case of COVID. I just don’t get literally anything else that follows from the initial shock of Jay having COVID.  

I see why the writers chose March 20th (the actual Illinois stay at home order) as the next date for this timeline. I still do not believe that people were in this particular office on that date.  

You know what else I don’t believe? That RBL just shut down for two weeks and was like, no work is being done. Did law firms really do this? I can believe it if it’s an excuse to cost-cut, and I know there were massive layoffs, but this seems... really weird???  

Why are they setting up a teleconferencing infrastructure (didn’t they have one at LG? In season five?) if they are not planning to do work?  

Lol Diane explains what Zoom is, very slowly. She asks everyone to “download a program called Zoom.com” which is one of the first Zoom jokes I’ve chuckled at in a while.  

Marissa is not happy to hear that there’s no work for her in a work-remote world (this I believe 100%), so she calls Lucca again with more questions about law school.

Love these NYC and London location shots. Wish they could do that for Chicago.

Lucca asks Bianca to help get Marissa into a law school, fast, and Bianca tells Lucca to use her name... then offers her a job.

Marissa is at the office, alone, boxing up her things, when one of the office phones rings with some dude offering her a spot in a law school class. I guess we are really all-in on this! (Why would Lucca have given a firm phone number not specific to Marissa, though?)

Adrian and his corrupt girlfriend decide to shelter in place together. I still do not understand why he is okay with her being corrupt. I also don’t really understand why they’re going from talking about sheltering-in-place to George Floyd. How did we just skip from late March to late May? Are Adrian and corrupt gf having a conversation about sheltering-in-place two months into sheltering in place?  

Okay, I am not doing so good at this no-nitpicking thing. Again, I understand why they need to merge several scenes into one to keep things moving. And I guess they could just be getting around to this conversation.

I’m going to nitpick again, I can’t help myself. How did we just go from a scene of Adrian specifically talking about sheltering in place to a scene of Adrian bursting into a bustling and maskless DNC headquarters room? How!? The only masks in this scene are on TV!! There are like ten people in this scene!  

Anyway, more importantly, Adrian tells Ruth off and screams at her that she needs to listen to him instead of acting like she knows the way forward. He is completely right.  

Why is travel from London closing down in May 2020? Is it because this scene is supposed to be at a different place in the episode? Liz is asking Lucca to come back home from her three week stay in London (which has now lasted three months but travel is just now closing down), and Lucca’s hesitant to come home.

This is all happening via Zoom, btw. Lucca’s in her hotel, Diane and Adrian are at their respective homes, and Liz is in the office. All of this feels right. There is a chat off to the side of the screen where you can see Adrian and the others discussing how to unmute on Zoom. Very real. Though probably not very real in late May 2020. Feels more like April. I am convinced this scene got spliced in later to help the episode flow because everything in this scene (except the TV footage that definitely was added later) feels like it should be happening in the March section.  

Lucca mentions that Bianca offered her a job, and at this point we as viewers know how things are going to go—Lucca's going to end up taking it. Liz types in the Zoom chat that they don’t want to lose Lucca. When Lucca tells them how much Bianca’s offering ($500k/year, go Lucca!), Diane types “Shit.” into the chat. “Shit’s right,” Liz replies. “Yes... What should our counter be?” Diane replies. Lucca is kind enough to point out the messages are not private (again, this feels like March not May) but I think knowing that their reaction to topping $500k is “shit” tells her all she needs to know.  

Diane’s background still says that RBL is a division of STR Laurie. Weird how little we are hearing about the overlords except the 20% staff cut.  

Liz and Adrian chat and decide the only way to keep Lucca is to make her a partner. Which, yeah, if you’d just made her a partner years ago when you told her she was in the running for partner and then offered it to fucking MAIA, maybe she wouldn’t be considering Bianca’s offer. Lucca is definitely one of RBL’s stars, and I don’t think she’s wrong to feel like they don’t value her enough. They treat her well enough to be upset about losing her, but not well enough to have already made her partner and not well enough to actually give her authority (even though she runs a whole department). I’d be pretty unhappy too. It kind of feels sometimes like they take her for granted, and I don’t know that Lucca is one to feel like she owes a company anything. She’s more of an “I’m out for myself” type.  

Madeline and the other partner we’ve seen a few times who isn’t Liz/Diane/Adrian, walk into the office (wearing masks! Which they take off as soon as they enter a room with Liz! Without asking her if she is okay with this! TV logic!) and ask who is replacing Adrian. They think this is a good time to reevaluate having a white name partner of an African American firm, and they are spot on. Liz tries to deflect, noting that Diane is already a name partner and was before Liz even joined, but Madeline and other partner (whose name I really wish they would say so I can stop calling him “other partner”) won’t let up. Their position is that Diane shouldn’t have been made a name partner then—all she did was bring in ChumHum, an account that quickly left the firm. Good point.  

“What is this firm if it’s not African American? It’s just another midsized all-service Midwestern law firm, one of 50,” Madeline argues. The other partner says Liz needs to remove Diane and promote two African Americans to name partner. Liz laughs and asks if they mean themselves. Madeline does not—she's concerned about the number of black associates they’re letting go. Liz heads out, but this conversation is very much ongoing.

And I think it’s a very interesting dilemma! There’s a lot of mileage the writers can get out of this, because I don’t think there’s a right answer or a wrong one. It’s all about what Liz decides she wants the future of the firm to be. If Liz chooses Diane, she might be choosing something that works for her personally or that she thinks is a safer financial bet—but she’ll be choosing to work at a firm that can no longer be thought of as a black firm, and she’ll be choosing to move away from her father’s vision for the firm. And since the plot hinges on what Liz will decide rather than what’s objectively the right path forward, there’s a lot of interesting tension there I can’t wait to see.  

(My favorite thing about Adrian leaving is that Liz will likely get more to do, especially when it comes to managing the firm. Adrian tends to speak up first, but Liz is more than capable of managing without him and I’m so excited to see what she does when her ex-husband isn’t constantly talking over her.)  

Marissa and Lucca video chat with Jay. He’s still in the hospital. One thing that bugs me about how this episode handles COVID is that I never really get the sense that any of the characters are particularly afraid of the virus. Maybe none of them were. But you’d think you’d see a little of that fear, the weird dance of trying to assess others’ comfort levels with masking, etc., in an ep specifically about living through this time. ESPECIALLY since someone they all know and are close to has been hospitalized for MONTHS with this thing! It’s just so weird to go from a scene where people wear masks until they come in contact with other people (when masks matter the most) to a scene of someone in the hospital with COVID.  

And now Jay’s weird hallucinations start as his battery dies on the video chat. I really, truly, hated these hallucinations. I was ready to be done with these from the second they started. They’re weirdly shot, they go on for too long, and they feel like the clunkiest parts of Mind’s Eye when Alicia starts having a debate in her mind about atheism mixed with the (far superior) hospital episode of Evil.  

I don’t have much to say about these hallucinations except that I hated them a lot. When there’s the reveal that Jay is hallucinating a commerical, I almost came around on the hallucinations because that’s kind of funny and inspired. And then several more hallucinations popped up and they had a round table and Jesus got added to the mix and I was like, nope, this is bad in a very uninteresting way. I reject this.  

I feel like the Kings didn’t have much to say about COVID, the actual virus. This episode is definitely more about what the characters’ lives were like during COVID and not the pandemic itself. I think they likely got a lot of their COVID commentary out of their system with their zombie COVID show The Bite (I have not seen The Bite due to it airing on Spectrum On Demand, which I have no way of accessing. Like, I would have to move and then decide to pay for cable in order to watch it.) I also suspect a lot of their commentary on COVID isn’t going to be specific to the virus and is instead going to be about things like mask-wearing and vaccinations becoming political. And, really, that’s just a new variation on talking about polarization... and they’ve been talking about polarization for years.

In fact, they even wrote a whole series about an outbreak of a (space-bug-spread) virus that caused political polarization before Trump was even elected. BrainDead is basically commentary on the pandemic before the pandemic even happened. Soooooo I get why they are more interested in recapping 2020 than in doing a Very Special Episode about themes they’ve been talking about for years. (I still think they would’ve benefitted from at least one character being afraid of getting sick or getting their family sick.)  

There is likely some interesting content in these Jay hallucinations. I hate them so much I cannot find it. You know when you’re just on a completely different wavelength than the writers? This is an example of that.  

Also I’m not a fan of the shadowy directing. I think this is meant to look cooler than it does.  

Have I mentioned yet that I absolutely love the “Previously On” device for this episode? It’s such a fun, propulsive way to get through the slog of 2020. Scenes can be short and to the point, and each scene has to do a lot of lifting to fill in the gaps. I think that leads to scenes that are better constructed and telling on lots of levels—where are people when they’re quarantined? Who’s wearing casual clothes and when? What about this scene defines this character’s life at that moment in time?  

Bizarrely, even though this episode is pretty much all plot (this happens! Then that!), I actually found this to be one of the most character-driven episodes TGF has ever done. There’s a lot of story, but most of that story is about how the characters reacted to 2020 rather than overarching plots that will weigh on the rest of the season. This episode covers a lot of ground, but it does it with character moments that resonate.  

Now it’s July and Diane’s prepping to argue in front of the Supreme Court. Kurt’s helping her witness prep and it gets a little personal... and that ends up turning Diane on. Good to see McHart hasn’t lost its spark. (Remember how Kurt cheated on Diane in season 7 of Wife? No, me neither, because that never happened.)  

Corrupt judge is back. Adrian playfully tries to distract her from work. Then he takes a video call from Liz, who updates him on the conversation she had with John (so that’s his name) and Madeline. I guess that part of May was close to July? Anyway, Adrian isn’t surprised to hear that people are upset at the prospect of Diane being one of two name partners.  

Liz is at the office in workout clothes and I love it!

They’re losing 15 black associates (and Adrian and Lucca) and 4 white ones, Liz says. This sounds like a very big problem. (I’d be curious to know what that is as a percentage of the firm and how the racial composition shifts.)

Liz knows it’s not exactly up to her if Diane stays on as name partner (the other partners get a vote, but I think Liz knows she has a lot of sway here). She’s also wondering if Biden could win, and if so, would it be to the firm’s advantage to be black-owned? Interesting.  

“Well. If you’re thinking it, then Diane’s thinking it, too,” Adrian says. He’s right. “White guilt. It runs verrrrry deep on that one, huh?” Ha. He is right about that, too. I actually can’t decide which of these interpretations is correct, because it could be either even though they seem contradictory. (1) Is Adrian saying it with a hint of mockery because he knows Diane will fight for her partnership even as she would say she’s a huge supporter of black businesses? (2) Is he saying it because he knows Diane would have enough white guilt to realize what her presence as a partner means and think through the implications? I think it is, somehow, a combination. I’m interested in this line because this whole dilemma (from Diane’s POV) is something that’s very familiar. Diane’s always been an idealist who will betray her ideals for personal gain. That sounds like an attack, but I mean that as neutrally as I possibly can. There are so many examples of this that this is kind of just a character trait of hers at this point. Usually those ideals are about feminism, but this situation seems closely related.  

Adrian overhears Corrupt GF talking about Julius, Diane, and Memo 618. You would think she would wait to have this conversation until there is no chance of Adrian overhearing, because if Adrian overhears, he might...

... do exactly what he proceeds to do and hop into a car with Diane to give her a heads up. (I think I’m just going to have to accept that the mask usage rule on this episode is “we use masks to show that the characters would wear them, but we don’t want to have scenes where characters are fully masked because that’s annoying.” If that’s not the rule, then why else would Adrian be masked outside... and then take off his mask as soon as he gets into a confined indoor space with Diane?  

Baranski looks ESPECIALLY like Taylor Swift in this scene.  

Adrian tells Diane what he knows. He dug deeper after overhearing Charlotte, so he has even more info. “If you tell me, I will use it,” Diane warns. Adrian knows that, so he takes a moment to decide. And he decides that he cares more about Diane and Julius than about his relationship with a corrupt judge.  

Diane and Julius are masked in court. Visitor and the judge are not. They use masking in a clever way in this scene: Diane uses being masked to her advantage because it means no one can possibly read her lips, so she can use the info Adrian fed her against Charlotte without any fear of spies. Charlotte, who is unmasked, guards her lips with a folder, as the Visitor watches interestedly.  

Diane convinces Charlotte to recuse herself. Charlotte says she’s making a mistake; Diane does not care.  

The new judge is, unfortunately, the idiot who doesn’t know anything about the law. Uh oh.

Charlotte decides she’s done sheltering in place with Adrian. He tries to talk through the conflict, but Charlotte says “You made your choice, Adrian. Julius Cain over me.”

“The choice was about right and wrong, Charlotte,” Adrian tries to explain. I mean, yeah, but if you’re dating a judge who has admitted she’s totally corrupt, didn’t right and wrong go out the window a while ago?

Adrian seems to think the other people involved in the events are bad and Charlotte is good. I am not convinced. I don’t think she’s the big bad, but I don’t think she’s good.  

Charlotte points out that he invaded her privacy. She is right about that. “You said the choice was between right and wrong. Turning over my emails was the choice,” she said. I get her POV. But also, she is corrupt.  

I do not like the way the part of the scene where Adrian physically restrains Charlotte to keep her from leaving is shot. I don’t think this is an abusive scene but I think it should’ve been shot from a little farther back so we could see it’s more like Adrian reaching out in desperation than trying to choke Charlotte. Because it very much looks like he is trying to choke Charlotte.  

He tells Charlotte he loves her. She says it’s too late and leaves. “Maybe you won’t be with me. But you keep down this path... you’ll be done, I’m telling you, you’ll be done.”

I think something that I’ve been missing in these interactions is that I didn’t quite realize until this scene that the Adrian/Charlotte dynamic is more interesting than Adrian liking a corrupt judge. I think he truly believes Charlotte is a good person who got caught up in some bad stuff, and that she can bounce back from it. I’ve always seen Charlotte as someone who is corrupt for herself and then ended up going along with the corruption of others, too, so I’ve dismissed her and the relationship. This is the first scene that has felt real to me, and the first scene where she’s felt like more than a caricature. Kind of sad it’s the last she’ll get with Adrian—now I’m actually starting to find her interesting. Notice how in these last few sentences I’ve used her name instead of “Corrupt GF”!  

Charlotte says she loved Adrian too, but that’s not enough. Awww.

He can’t really be surprised though, can he?  

Now it is August and we get to see Diane and Liz react to the announcement of Kamala Harris as Biden’s VP pick, and I would like to thank the writers for giving me the opportunity to see Diane and Liz react to this. It’s kind of fan-service, but it’s also a nice tie-in to the girl-power theme of the Diane/Liz alliance.

Diane and Liz realize that Adrian’s probably not a good candidate for 2024 if the DNC only wants one black candidate and Harris is the clear front-runner. Liz suggests keeping him on as partner instead, in a way that very much implies this would be her ideal solution. Diane, being Diane, says she was liking the idea of an all-female firm. Liz hesitantly says she was too, and Diane senses the hesitation.

“Let’s look again at which associates to fire. I’m worried we’re losing too many African Americans,” Diane switches the subject. How have they still not made this decision? If any employees know downsizing is coming, and they’ve had months to act on it, assuming there are jobs elsewhere, people would’ve been jumping ship by now.  

But that’s not the point of this scene. The point of this scene is that Liz corrects Diane: “Black. You can just say Black people.” Very nice moment underlining the tension. Diane means well, but she’s still acting like a white lady who doesn’t know how to act around black people... and she wants to (and, I guess, already does) run a black firm. Major yikes.  

Marissa and Lucca are talking again. Marissa does not want to be in law school—she just wants to be a lawyer. Lucca won’t accept Marissa’s refusal to memorize meaningless rules: “Marissa. I know that you know how to play the game, but you have to pass the bar to get into a position to play the game.” Why does this line make me love Lucca? This line isn’t even anything amazing. It’s just a line that cuts through the bullshit and makes a good point.  

Marissa keeps going, insulting all of her peers and teachers, and Lucca figures out how to cut through that, too: she tells Marissa that she’d hire her as a lawyer if she killed someone, but only if Marissa passes the bar. Marissa is instantly intrigued.  

“Why are you leaving here? I’ll miss you,” Marissa says.  

“Because they won’t pay me what I deserve,” Lucca says in a matter-of-fact tone. “Anyway, I thought they fired you.”  

“But they didn’t mean it. It’s like the smoothie place—they kept trying to fire me and I just kept showing up,” Marissa replies. That checks out. (Love the callback!)  

Lucca tries to get Marissa to come over to England. Marissa shuts that down as Lucca gets a news alert—and it’s not good news.  

Our next date is September 18th, 2020 and I will get my nitpicks out of the way up front! I don’t really know why it is daytime for Lucca when she reads the news, considering it was already the evening in the States when the RBG news broke. And, also, it was Rosh Hashanah, so Marissa probably would not have been sitting in her bedroom studying... she most likely would’ve been with family or friends. OK I’M DONE. FOR NOW.  

Diane is getting ready for her arguments in front of the Supreme Court. It’s almost time! She’s in casual clothes but has on a wonderful mask. She’s standing in front of Kurt’s guns to make a point (love that she’s using her video call background to her advantage) and there are several people in her bedroom getting the tech all set up. I have noted before that they only built one set for Diane’s apartment, and it’s just a massive bedroom. Diane choosing to be in front of the guns does a nice job of cutting off my question about why she’d be arguing in front of the Supreme Court from her bedroom rather than the home office she absolutely would have.  

Kurt walks in and tries to shake hands... he’s clearly not very COVID paranoid, and Diane seems to be, and... that’s something I might have wanted to see? How was Diane okay with Kurt taking risks that also affected her?

Diane confirms she intentionally chose to stand in front of the guns. That’s when Kurt gets the push notification. He pulls Diane into the bathroom to show her the news. He hands her his phone and Diane’s face falls. She starts tearing up. “2020 just won’t let go,” she says, speaking for us all.

Normally I hate things that are like, we’re going to contrive this so the news hits at the worst possible moment! This works for me, because the Supreme Court plot for Diane feels more like something that exists to be a through line for the episode. It would also be a little hard to work in RBG’s death as a main plot point—and it is definitely important enough to be a main plotpoint—if it didn’t also affect something in the world of the show.  

Also, another reason I like this contrivance is that it makes it all the more powerful when Diane says, “It’s over. He gets to nominate someone. Another Kavanaugh! We’ll have a conservative court for the next 20 years. My whole fucking life!” She’s not thinking about how this affects her case (and that case is basically a life-long dream for her). She is thinking about way bigger things, and knowing that her mind goes to the bigger things before the personal with news like this really underlines how big of a deal RBG’s death was.  

Diane tells Kurt, “I don’t deserve you. You don’t agree with me.” “I can still feel bad for you,” he responds. He holds her while she cries.

Jay’s hallucination thing is back. Now Karl Marx is here. So is Jesus. I’m so done with this. It’s nice to get a break from writing.

Malcolm X is also on the roundtable and now they’re talking over each other in that way that everyone on this show always does. (RK gave an interview about Evil where he said he likes having the children on that show talk over each other because he grew up in a household like that. I did not need to read that interview to understand that RK likes scenes where people talk over each other.)  

If anything happened in those hallucinations, I missed it, because I didn’t pause the episode. Because I do not care about the hallucinations. Because I hate them.

Now it’s November 2020... Diane’s watching election results and rocking back and forth. She tells Kurt he can go watch Fox News in the other room (so they do have more than one room!). He says he’s fine—he thinks Diane needs it more.  

“Yes, but Kurt, if you stay, I know this isn’t sensible, but... Trump seems to get more votes whenever you’re sitting on this couch,” Diane tells him. Ha, I relate to this kind of superstition so hard. “Are you serious?” Kurt says. “I am so deathly serious,” Diane responds. “Whenever you’re sitting here, Arizona goes for Trump. Humor me, please. Just go in the other room.”  

When Kurt tries to kiss her, she pulls away: “No, no, no. No kiss. If you kiss me, we’ll lose Georgia.” This scene feels so, so real and perfectly captures what it was like (at least for me, though I don’t have a Republican husband or anything) watching election results come in.  

“Uh, if you lose, we’ll be fine, right?” Kurt asks. “Kurt, let me just say this. I’m only saying that we won’t be fine so that the universe will grant me a win,” Diane responds. This scene is so fun and so good! It simultaneously captures a relatable mood, adds some levity, gives us a window into Diane’s life, and shows some of the tensions in her marriage?! I want this all the time!  

Kurt leaves the room. Diane pours more wine.

Later, with Diane still rocking back and forth with anxiety (just you wait for the several more days this will drag on!), Kurt brings in the champagne. “That was for when Hillary won. I can only drink it if Biden wins,” Diane protests. Did I also refuse to drink any celebratory alcohol until things were absolutely certain? No comment.  

“It’s odd you progressives resisted religion. You seem to have a hundred religions to take its place,” Kurt says, speaking on behalf of the writers’ room. (This joke doesn’t get written if the writers don’t believe this and probably even see it in themselves.)  

“Go away, Trump. I mean Kurt,” she shoos him away. Have I mentioned yet I love this scene?  

“Love me even if you lose?” he jokes (though I do wonder if this isn’t that joking? I think it is, but he keeps saying it!) as Diane gestures at him to get out.  

I could do without the joke about Diane’s heart on the TV for a couple reasons. One, it goes on too long. Two, I was very worried something would actually happen to Diane. You’d think that would make the scene feel more tense, but it does not, because it takes me out of the moment.

“Ok, God. You know I don’t believe in you. But I will believe in you if Joe Biden wins. I’m sorry. I know that that’s not what Jesus taught. There’s nothing in the New Testament that says, ‘Believe in me, and I’ll make sure your candidate wins,’ but I need Joe Biden to win. I’m sorry, God, but I just do. I need some faith.” This is a little much but... yeah. Also, is this the first time Diane’s flat out said she’s an atheist? I think it is, though I’ve assumed as much for quite a while.  

The next day in court, masks are no longer required if you’re a series regular and votes are still being counted. I remember those days. Marissa thought Diane was checking in on Jay... Diane was not. She was checking on vote counts.  

Apparently Jay’s finally being released from the hospital!

Bad news for Julius—the idiot judge finds him guilty of some nonsense charge and sentences him to seven years in prison.  

Diane says not to worry, and Julius asks “Why not?” Good point.

Then we have election results! We skip, specifically, to December 14th and the electoral college vote. I’m a little sad we skipped over the huge party that was November 7th, but I get why they’d rather keep things moving along. I think showing November 7th in an uncomplicated way would’ve just been too close to fanservice. But, man, what a day.  

Diane, in a red hoodie with leopard print that she somehow manages to still look classy in, is ready to pop champagne. Then she hears that on January 6th, a joint session of Congress will count the electoral votes and there might be a debate. “Nope. If I open it now, something bad will happen,” she reasons. “I’ve waited four years. I can wait another few weeks.”

It’s been almost a year and they’re still somehow negotiating with Lucca, but I understand why they’d space this out across the episode. Otherwise we’d have to say goodbye to Lucca in the first like, 15 mins of the episode and all those scenes would be in a row. I can forgive (and still nitpick) choices like this when the reasoning behind them seems sound.  

Adrian says they don’t want to lose Lucca. He, Liz, and Diane are all in the conference room, and they ask Lucca for a yes or no on their latest offer by the end of the call. Diane offers Lucca partner—she'll be the youngest partner in the firm’s history—and she’ll get a $500,000/year salary. Adrian tries to sell her on being part of American history by being part of the firm.

“We are a black firm, Lucca, and we need you,” Liz says with a lot of passion for someone who knows she might very well partner with Diane. Diane looks at Liz with a bit of suspicion at this, wondering if Liz is showing her cards.  

Lucca manages to make the wifi malfunction (or she gets very lucky) and uses the disconnection to call Bianca for a counteroffer, even though they said they needed a yes or no on the spot.  

“They used George Floyd because they want you for less. They have never appreciated you as much as I do. All those scars, all that time being taken for granted and undervalued has made you a fighter. It’s made you someone I now want,” Bianca tells Lucca. She gives Lucca a counter offer of $1.3 million and the title of CFO. Lucca takes it. Is there really another choice? (If she were concerned about loyalty to the firm and the partnership was what she wanted, she probably would've just taken it.)  

(Also, the partners can’t really act like Lucca is making history by being the youngest partner ever when they passed her over for partner two years earlier and offered it to Maia! To MAIA! Who had like three years of work experience! And yes I was fine with Alicia and Cary getting partnership offers with four years but, one, that was a scam, and two, Alicia and Cary actually worked. Oh, I see I still hate Maia with a passion. Back to THIS season...)

Lucca apologetically informs Marissa she’s leaving and the offer was just too good to turn down. I believe it. I also believe Lucca wants that job more. What has loyalty to RBL gotten her? She's someone so talented and good at her job that she just gets job offers from acquaintances all the time (starting with Alicia!). RBL appreciates her, but just enough to appease her while still undervaluing her. I don’t know that I would’ve believed a plot where Lucca actively job hunts, but I definitely believe this.

“Marissa, we don’t have to work together to be friends,” Lucca tells Marissa. I’m going to miss this so much. Why is this the best material Lucca’s gotten in ages?! I think one of the things that makes Lucca such a great character is that you can see why everyone instantly wants her on their team. She’s a fantastic friend (without giving too much of herself), she’s not a pushover, and she is incredibly sharp and able to get to the heart of any situation. I love her and I’m sad we won’t get to see more of her.  

(On that bit about friendship—I can’t write about Lucca’s departure without writing about the moment I realized just how great of a character Lucca was. It was in 7x13, when Alicia has her breakdown that’s seven seasons in the making... and Lucca supports her. But the writing, and Cush’s performance, never make it feel like Lucca exists to be a part of Alicia’s story. Lucca seems like her own fully formed person who happens to be supporting Alicia at this moment. I don’t think I can overstate how tough of a task it is to get me to care about the other person in a pivotal Alicia scene, especially when that other person was added to the cast in the final season and many suspected she’d just be a replacement for a different beloved character! Anyway, Lucca’s been great for years, and I’ll miss her.)  

Just when I thought I couldn’t hate the hallucinations more, we get a hint that they are going to continue: Jay sees one right after he learns that Marissa’s used her quarantine to start law school and he’s done nothing.  

Jay says he carries a gun now and it’s “performative.” I have no idea what that means and Marissa and Lucca don’t seem to, either.  

Another thing I like about Lucca’s final scene is that it isn’t rushed. We have time for all that, and also for Lucca to tell Marissa about the time she stole her breakfast sandwich, and for Marissa to react to it, and for Marissa to find Lucca’s Birkin bag, and for Lucca to tell Marissa to keep it, and for Marissa to react to that, and for Lucca to sappily say “think of me when you use it,” and for Marissa to nonsensically reply, “you think of me when I use it,” and there’s still a little bit more of the scene after that!  

Marissa’s silly line makes Lucca tear up. “God, I’m gonna miss you guys,” she says. “I’m gonna miss this. You make me smile. I didn’t smile much before you guys.” Awwwwwww. This is also so true to character! Her friendship with Alicia aside, Lucca’s definitely said before she’s not one to have friends (which is hilarious because she is, as I've said like 100 times, a fantastic friend and also just like, the coolest person??? Who wouldn’t want to be HER friend?!).  

She says she has to go because she’s getting too emotional and says goodbye. She’s also super sappy and when Marissa says, “you were the best,” she responds that they were the best TOGETHER! Awwwwwww.  

What a nice, fitting goodbye for Lucca. There’s no bad blood or fireworks—she just makes a change like a lot of people do. I’d like to think she’ll still be friends with Marissa and Jay after this. I don’t want too many Lucca references in future episodes, but I would really like it if we see Marissa and Jay update each other on the latest from Lucca, or if a scene begins with Marissa closing out an Instagram post from Lucca of her kid, or something. I wouldn’t want clues about what Lucca’s up to, but I’d love to see that she’s still a part of Marissa and Jay’s lives.

Now it is January 6th. Liz, Adrian, and Diane sit on the floor of the mostly empty office, watching TV coverage and drinking. It’s so relaxed it’s almost surreal, and it, like many other moments in this episode, feels like a slice of life. Everyone’s dressed casually and no one is worried about appearances or looking like the boss.  

“God, have you ever seen anything like it. It’s so fucked,” Diane says. Adrian’s more optimistic—the courts rejected most of the challenges to election results! “System worked,” he says. “Yay.” Liz says in response. She’s not as optimistic as he is.  

“Liz. Liz. Sometimes when things work out, there is no parade. There’s no congratulations, but I’ll tell you this: We live to fight another day,” he explains to her even though she makes a good point that a system just barely hanging on doesn’t bode well for the future. (She doesn’t say all this, but that’s a very loaded, “Yay.”)  

“Yeah? Then why are you leaving the law?” Liz asks. Diane seconds to the question.

Adrian announces he’s still retiring—and he’s moving to Atlanta. He wants to go to the south to help “create and consolidate political power.” He’s excited to start over and inspired by Georgia going blue. This is a very nice exit for Adrian. I fully believe that he’s interested in political organizing, that he’d be good at it, and that he’s ready for a change. I don’t think he’s always the most progressive person (of the three in this scene, Liz is absolutely the most progressive one, though Diane probably thinks she is!), but I absolutely think he thinks of himself as an activist and I believe that if he’s going to step away from the law, he’d do so to make a move like this.  

Adrian—and Lucca, but especially Adrian—probably both got better exits thanks to the events of 2020. If Adrian had just left to be groomed by the DNC, that would’ve been a predictable and boring ending for him. His candidacy would, obviously, go nowhere, and the whole thing felt weird from the minute it was introduced. But this? Adrian being energized—like so many others were—by the ways the world changed in 2020 and using his already announced departure from the firm and recent breakup as a chance to start over and make change? This is great!  

Adrian asks Liz and Diane what’s next for them. Liz says that she thinks the Biden admin will be better for black businesses. Adrian asks if they’re replacing him, and Diane says, “I think the big question is, are you replacing me?” She’s smart. I like how this scene goes from friendly to tense very fast, with everyone kind of testing the waters. Adrian tries to force the conversation, Liz opens with something vague yet pointed, and Diane speaks what’s previously been unspoken.

Liz says it’s not her intention to push Diane out. “I can’t change the color of my skin,” Diane replies. “I know,” Liz laughs. Audra’s delivery is fantastic on that line.  

“Hey, I’m gonna fight for my partnership,” Diane says. “I know,” Liz says. The tone of this scene is so different from previous partnership drama on these shows and I’m excited about it. This is just a bunch of adults talking about business decisions with each other and treating each other as equals?? It's not backstabbing?? Or drama?? No one is hiding things?? It’s refreshing and I hope this plot stays like this. We’ve done so much partnership drama that I think drama that stems from a real, pressing question that has no easy answers and isn’t anyone’s fault is going to be much more fruitful for the show.  

Adrian heads out—ah, I see now this scene is set in his empty office and this is why they are on the floor—and gets a nice last moment with Diane. And then they give him a last moment with Liz, which I knew they would but was still glad to see.  

Liz asks if he knows what he’s doing—he says he’s not sure.

Adrian asks if Liz knows where she stands regarding Diane. “It’s going to be interesting,” Liz says. I don’t think she’s decided what she’s going to do yet.

It wouldn’t be an Adrian and Liz scene if Adrian didn’t have some unsolicited advice. “Diane’s a terrific lawyer, but this firm belongs to you.  Your dad built it. He did, Liz. Despite all his faults. You got to run this place the way you want. This is a black firm. And after today, the world needs black firms. You got me?” He tells Liz. He makes it seem like Liz gets the choice and then tells her what to do. She says, “I got it,” signaling she understood him but not that she necessarily agrees.  

I cannot wait to see what Liz does next!!!!!!! About this but just in general!!!!! Without Adrian there giving her constant advice I feel like she can grow so much and the show will have to give her more to do!!! I think Adrian, for all his many wonderful qualities and all he brought to the show, can suck all the air out of a room with his charisma, and Liz usually ends up suffering as a result. She’s such a capable lawyer in her own right, but Adrian has a way of making it always seem like he’s right—even in arguments she wins. I’m excited to see Liz lead (or stumble at leadership; she is fairly new to management) without Adrian’s direct influence.  

Liz walks Adrian out and it’s cute. They run into Marissa and Jay. “Everybody fun is leaving,” Marissa notes. Liz is minorly offended, but playfully. Heh.

Adrian asks Jay how he’s doing; Jay says he’s a long-hauler but he’s doing okay. I like that they included that moment in Adrian’s goodbye sequence. It’s a very little thing, but it underlines that Adrian cares about Jay.  

Then Liz interrupts to note that Trump pardoned a lot of convicted and corrupt Republican officials....... including Julius.  

Everyone celebrates, but especially Diane and Marissa. Diane lets out her wonderful laugh and then we, finally, get to the credits. Because now that the previouslies are over, it’s time for the real show.

The credits are absolutely delightful, btw. I was a little worried some of the kittens would blow up, though! Once I relaxed and realized what they were up to—literal puppies and kittens because Biden won—I couldn’t get enough of these credits. They work so well because they accurately capture the way I (and all of these characters, except maybe Julius and Kurt) feel about the election results, but it’s so exaggerated that you know the kittens and puppies aren’t a realistic representation of our new reality. They’re just too good to be true, but you may as well enjoy them for a minute. I’m sure we’ll be back to exploding vases next week.

What a great episode! My timeline nitpicks and whatever they’re trying to do with Jay aside, I was blown away by how well the writers managed to move on from season 4, tie up loose ends, and write out two main characters. And they did it all while making me revisit the events of 2020, a year I don’t think many of us want to spend much time thinking about! This episode was enjoyable, fun, emotional, and clever. I don’t know what to expect from the rest of the season, but I’m definitely excited about the show in a way I haven’t really been in quite some time.  

This season’s naming convention seems to be titles that end with ... and only have the first word capitalized. I want to see more. 

Season FIVE? There have already been as many TGF seasons as there were TGW seasons prior to Hitting the Fan?! Time flies. 

Please writers: No topical episodes this year-- no pee tape, no Melania divorce, no Epstein. None of that business. 

Sorry if I repeated myself here. I never proofread these things, and I wrote half of this on Saturday and half of it today (Wednesday) and the days in between were an absolute blur so I cannot remember if I said the same things about this episode twice. 

[sanscestships]

Crossmare (Analysis, CrossxNightmare)

Requested by: no one. there are no requests yet

Created on: 1/5/21

i know Crossmare is a really popular ship and i'll probably get killed for this but just remember this is not based off fanon stuff. it's just me looking at the canon facts and speculating based on those.

i actually also ship Crossmare along with Kross, Krossmare, Killercreamare, Errink, Destructive Death, Afterdeath, Dustberry, Horrordust, etc. etc. as a multishipper. I'm just trying to be logical here.

so if you see the analysis going in a direction you don't like, you can just skip to the bottom to see the overall analysis in a more simplified version.

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Crossmare is really popular apparently. I've noticed it a lot on Tumblr and Wattpad.

Unfortunately now I need to crack it's head open.

FluffyNight is apparently canon. I was told this a while ago. FluffyNight (CcinoxNightmare) is canon. So now unless I was told wrong or Joku changes their mind, all Nightmare ships that aren't FluffyNight are out the window.

Alright with that out of the way: It isn't gonna work.

In case no one noticed, Cross is both a memelord and can be an asshat at times as depicted in "Adventures of XChara and Swap!Chara" when he intentionally scares Palette and Goth. He also tricked Goth into giving him all of his chocolate milk before getting his ass beat by Geno. Then when Dream and Nightmare run into him, Nightmare just wants to stick around because "it's funny" after Dream declares he'll try to help get Cross out of a vending machine Geno stuck him in.

Lesson learned: Don't screw with Geno or any of his kids.

So Cross is both an asshole and memey as hell. Nightmare literally doesn't give a fuck and just wishes to feed off negativity.

Aaand they literally don't care about each other.

That was probably their only interaction OUTSIDE of Underverse and fanfic within a sort of canon multiverse. Literally Epicross is more likely since he and Epic are actually best friends.

and then IN Underverse, they were literally using EACH OTHER. Cross used Nightmare to gain access to other worlds to rebuild his own world, and Nightmare used Cross to gain a minion to spread negativity without telling him about the "fine print". They literally tried to manipulate EACH OTHER.

I mean, I guess if they DID decided if they liked each other in some sort of other timeline it COOOOUUUULLLLDDDDD work...? Like, Cross can be an asshole so i guess that causes negativity..?

As for Cross being a memelord, he puts up with 3 idiots already. Does he really need more...?

But the real question is: Can CROSS. Put up with NIGHTMARE?

Can Cross deal with Nightmare just laughing at his misery when he needs help and what not?

But THATS JUST A THEORY-

Anyhow now to speculate on relationship possibilities :3

So even though it's pretty low due to Nightmare already being taken apparently and their large seemingly disinterest in each other, let's just say they somehow managed? Would the relationship actually work or would it sink like a tank?

alright lets look at the facts:

-Nightmare feeds off negativity, therefore creates it by attacking AUs but keeps them alive

-Cross can be a jerk but is good friends with Epic and are meme buddies

-Nightmare is "deceiving, erratic, unpredictable and evil" according to the canon wiki

-"When he was younger, said he was very smug, to which he loudly denies, only to be yelled at."

-"At first, Cross was far more compassionate as the , wanting to believe in even when he tried to kill him. But when Frisk took control of their friends, including Cross' brother , he lost all faith in him, and used all of his power to stop him by killing his former friends, even ruthlessly killing Papyrus and absorbing soul."

-"His greed and recklessness... he had a mental breakdown and became completely delusional over the loss of his own world..."

-"Despite this, he becomes excited and obsessive over tacos and chocolate, and was very friendly towards before he told Cross that he couldn't revive the dead. Afterwards, he acts arrogant towards others and is disgusted by everything around him."

-"He also became very selfish..."

BY THE BY, ALL OF THE QUOTES ARE FROM THE WIKI-

So what we got is:

Nightmare is deceiving. He was very smug even before the apple incident. Cross used to be compassionate, but has lost all faith. So the instant he is back stabbed, he never forgets. He is greedy, selfish, and reckless now after his world is gone. He was still very friendly to Ink though when they first met, and acted arrogant after wards.

So it would seem Cross is very friendly at first, but turns from compassionate and energetic to arrogant and selfish the moment he's betrayed.

And Nightmare tricked him and tried to kill him in Underverse.

But if it was another timeline where Underverse didn't happen, they... Well.

It's possible for them to not hate each other?

I mean- Cross won't hate him if he doesn't betray him. He'll actually be more friendly than hostile. Same can't be said about Nightmare though. He is 'smug' and 'deceiving'. So they'll probably have more of a subject/master relationship. But i have seen a lot of fanfic where Nightmare is attracted to Cross's loyalty and his pride meter gets kicked down a notch?

then there's if they DO get together.

god knows how well the other members of the team would take Cross being the favorite of Nightmare. depending on how well they take it it can go from:

silent treatment to bullying to all sorts of shit.

since Cross is very compassionate and friendly at first, he'll probably try to get to know the others. if they prove to be hostile and unfriendly, it's likely Cross could possibly act hostile to them back and things get chaotic with possibly the three rebelling. Then there's if they are okay with it, what about Ink? Ink and Cross used to be friends, so there's a lot of tension between them.

Ink knew Cross well, so he might try to take advantage of what he knows to hurt Nightmare.

But, could they work if nothing goes wrong?

Yeah, i think they could. Cross is very loyal so he could possibly both keep up the relationship and continue to farm negativity for Nightmare even if the others start to slack off. Especially since he's not as lazy as compared to the others since he was never "trained to be lazy".

Overall: Canonically? OH HELL NO-

In another universe or timeline? Maaayyybbeeee...? It really depends.

[anotherashley]

Give Me Thunder // 1988

Summary: When you’re part of rival fraternities the last thing you’re supposed to do is fall for the enemy, but then, Patrick’s never known anyone like Jonathan Toews before.

*

In retrospect, Patrick really should’ve known better.

Homecoming is a huge night for most fraternities, including his own, the Delta Chi house. They’re known for going absolutely balls to wall with the planning, preparation, and execution of their parties. It’s an event. An evening to remember if you will. And where’s Patrick? Wedged in some hallway at the Sigma Alpha Epsilon mansion drinking shitty overpriced beer from a keg, sweating his nuts off, and listening to fucking Chumbawamba playing from their high-priced stereo system.

This disgrace of a party deserves no attendees, and yet, the house is packed, every little inch and every single corner filled with Sigma Alpha brothers, their dates, and friends. A house of garbage monkeys. A house of ill repute.

"It's not that bad," Dayna says, exasperated.

Dayna, the reason he’s in this shithole in the first place.

Patrick narrows his eyes, watching her and the room suspiciously. "Oh, but it is, my friend. It is."

“You’re overreacting,” she says and grins.

Patrick frowns. He’s not usually one to get overheated, but it’s like a sauna in this joint. He pulls at his tie to loosen it, listening to some Billie Eilish song come on next. "I can't believe you made me come here."

"And I can't believe you wore a hot pink tie when I told you specifically I was wearing a royal blue dress, so I guess we're even."

Patrick surveys the slinky strapless number she’s sporting and his own shimmering tie. It’s not...awful. "I think it looks good together,” he shrugs.

She snorts. “You would.”

“I'm taking that as a compliment.”

“It's not one,” she fires back.

“Hurtful.” 

Dayna’s fun and gorgeous, wicked smart. They met last spring in Linear Algebra and became fast friends, partly out of necessity because the math department was full of dull assholes, and partly because they got along so easily. There’s this pressure to find dates for every Greek event, someone to hook up with or to show off, and Patrick just wanted - wants - to relax, hang out, have a good time and not be plagued the entire night with what might happen at the end or if his date will be disappointed. It’s why he asked Dayna in the first place - there are no strings. 

He hadn’t really counted on her betraying him in this obscene of a manner, however. Sigma Alpha? Really?!

“I'm sorry,” she says, rubbing his shoulder, but she seems distracted. She’s been looking off into the crowd as if she’s trying to find someone, ever since they arrived. 

Patrick tickles at her arm to get her attention and when she turns, smiling, he says. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

“Will you forgive me for ditching you? Because I'm about to do that too.”

Patrick blinks. “What?”

She scrunches her nose, just a little, and takes his wrist as if in apology. “It's not you, it's me.”

Patrick barks out a laugh. “You're not serious. Here? Now?!”

“I know,” she says, and begins patting his hand like she’s his goddamn grandmother or something. “I'm the worst, but it's really not you.”

“It must be a little me.”

“It's mostly Brent.”

Patrick gasps. As far as reactions go, it might be slightly overdone, but still. “Brent Seabrook? A fucking Sigma Alpha. Dayna!”

Dayna manages to at least look contrite. Sort of. She drops his hand gently. “I can see you're mad. Understandable. I'm gonna go...over there. And hopefully, when I see you Monday you'll be less mad. Bye Pat!”

“Bye Traitor!” he yells. He hopes the whole party hears it over the awful music playing in this awful house on this awful night.

Patrick watches her walk over to a table with a group of guys centered around Seabrook. They took up camp there shortly after Patrick and Dayna arrived. And more and more people have gathered around since. People always seem to gravitate to Seabrook, so Patrick really shouldn't be surprised that Dayna is too. The guy is huge in that cuddly bear sort of way, but with perfect hair, and the kind of laid back attitude that most people never really achieve.

Too bad he's a fucking Sigma Alpha.

God.

Patrick hates Sigma Alphas.

He's not joking when he tells this to everyone, and he means everyone: from the freshman rushes to his TA, Marian, from his Tuesday-Thursday biochem lab, to Lee, his favorite delivery guy, to generally anyone who passes him on the street. Sigma Alphas are self-obsessed, shitstain, egomaniacs, that ruin everything and have no concept of fun. They’re the absolute worst.

So, of course, it only makes sense on this wreck of a night that Patrick runs into the very worst one of them all after Dayna abandons him.

“Amazing,” a smug voice says from behind him.

It’s truly unfortunate Patrick recognizes that voice so well seeing how he can’t stand Jonathan Toews. One of life’s evil jokes, apparently, because Toews is the very embodiment of gum under his shoe, or a flat tire on a rainy day, or some other horrible Alanis Morissette analogy.

The point is...he’s terrible.

Patrick turns slowly, already annoyed when he sees the amusement written all over Jonny’s stupid, grinning face.

“It's not you, it's me,” he mocks. “I didn't know that was a thing people actually still said.”

“Well, that’s what happens when no one will go out with you, Toews,” Patrick fires back with a wink. “No one talks to you.”

Jonny’s smile fades. “Says the guy who just got dumped.”

They’re not exactly standing near each other, but the music is loud and to keep from shouting Patrick takes a step closer, having to tilt his head back just a bit when Jonny moves in too.

“At least I had a date.”

“A date that dumped you for one of my friends.”

Patrick clenches his fist at the smug expression on Toews’ stupid face. “What, you think you can do better?”

“I don't think, I know I can do better.”

“Oh really,” Patrick scoffs.

“Absolutely,” he says. “I could get any girl’s number in here before you.”

It’s a ridiculous statement. Inane. Besides the fact that Jonny has a clear advantage since this is his house and he probably knows half of these girls, it’s a dumb bet to make to prove he’s somehow, someway, better at not getting dumped. Which was the original argument? Maybe? Fuck, Patrick isn't even sure any more he’s too pissed off.

But he takes one look at Jonny’s smirking face and knows he’s going to rise to the challenge. He hates himself a little for not being able to just walk away.

“Go ahead then,” Patrick says, sealing his fate. “Show me your moves.”

Jonny eyes him, nonchalant. “You couldn't handle it.”

“Couldn’t handle what? You haven’t even declared a wager yet. That confident in your moves?”

Jonny straightens his back, stands tall, and pauses for a moment like he’s gathering himself, then he looks down at Patrick, down into his goddamn soul and smirks, calm, confident, cocky. “Hey,” he says. “What’s up?”

“Uh,” Patrick says, confused.

Jonny moves in closer, the corners of his mouth curving up and up as he leans in. “I’m here now. What are your other two wishes?”

Did he just…?

Patrick laughs, can’t help himself. “Good god that’s an awful pick-up line. F minus. You’re supposed to be impressing me - I mean her, dude. That just makes you look like a stuck up jackass.”

Jonny’s brow furrows, displeased. “Okay, what about: Does your left eye hurt? Because you've been looking right all day.”

Less awful, but Patrick can do better. “Are you a 90-degree angle? 'Cause you are looking right!”

“Was that a math joke?”

Patrick glares. “Maybe.”

Jonny snorts.

“Don't shit talk math.”

He waits for Jonny to say something else, now that Patrick’s exposed a weakness, but instead he taps a finger against his chin, as if in thought again.

“I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?” he tries.

Patrick shakes his head. “Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.”

This time Jonny laughs, vivid and real, and it brightens his whole face in a way Patrick’s never seen before, not this close up. His eyes are almost black in this dimmed corner of the house and they sparkle when the light hits them. He takes another step in, closer, so they’re just a foot away from each other. When he catches Patrick’s gaze he says low, voice softer, “I'm sorry, I don't think we've met. I wouldn't forget a pretty face like that.”

Patrick swallows and pulls at his collar. It’s really fucking hot in this house. It probably shouldn’t be this hot in September.

“That’s um,” he coughs. “That’s not terrible.”

“It’s the one,” Jonny says, lips curving.

He’s more pleased with himself than he has any right to be, the arrogant dickbag. He thinks he’s already won this thing and they haven’t even ironed out all of the details yet.

Patrick purses his lips. “Anyway, what do I win if I get a number first?”

“You have to win first.”

Patrick steps forward, determined, until they’re only inches apart and whispers, “Watch me.”

Jonny doesn’t cede any ground, tall and looming, too casual. He makes Patrick’s skin itch in the worst way. If he could just get Jonny to break,  just a little, it’d be worth all this shitty night has wrought upon him.

He shoulders past Jonny roughly, using his upper body strength to edge Jonny a step back as he passes. It’s a small victory, but he relishes it as he looks around the room for a willing participant. Almost everyone is already clustered in groups or pairs so the pickings are slim. He’s about to turn into the next room when he sees two girls tucked away against a bay window, one texting on her phone and talking, the other, curvy, cute and brunette, looking bored beside her.

She’s wearing one of those side strap dresses that are incredibly sparkly, and her feet are shoeless. When Patrick steps up to her, smiling, she’s still almost as tall as him.

“Hey,” he says, cool, calm.

He’s got this. No problem.

“No,” she says, bored expression unchanging.

“I just-”

“No,” she repeats. She’s not even looking at him, which is a little rude.

Patrick drops the chill guy act and goes for something more sincere, genuine, as he bites his lip.

“Look, you want to maybe-”

“No,” she says again, this time sharper. “No, go away.”

“Well, alrighty then. You have a nice night,” Patrick salutes her, spins on his heel and walks away.

That was a dumpster fire.

He can already see Jonny laughing from across the room. Goddamnit fucking bullshit fuck. A weak-ass effort, and of all the times.

He trudges back to their original spot expecting the gloating of a lifetime, but Jonny has his chin tilted up and is already passing Patrick by, headed for somewhere and someone in particular.

Patrick’s eyes trail him, riveted to the way Jonny moves through the crowd like he owns it, as if the room bends to his will.

There’s a petite strawberry blonde with black gauges in her ears and dark red lipstick painted on her mouth, chatting with some skinny kid that's clearly trying too hard. She turns to Jonny when he steps up, her smile curious, but her arms crossed. Patrick can't look away, watching them talk back and forth, the way her expression shifts from curious to suspicious to amused. He barely says more than a handful of words to her before she’s writing her number on his palm.

And where did he even get a pen? Did he just have the pen on him? Who carries pens on a night like this?!

“How the fuck…,” Patrick murmurs to himself, and receives a weird look from one the Sigma rushes, as they walk by. 

Before Patrick can blink Jonny’s returned, standing straight and smug in front of him as he holds his hand up.

“Here ya go, slick.”

Slick? This guy is so lame. 

Patrick sighs. “Double or nothing?

“No way,” Jonny says. “Don’t filch on the bet now, Kane.”

It was worth a shot.

“Fine,” he shrugs, mentally preparing himself for whatever humiliation is about to come his way. “What do you want?”

Jonny hums. “Loser gives winner a blowjob?”

Patrick tries to replay the words Jonny just said, again, like it’s a recorded message and if he can listen to it closely enough he’ll understand. They’ll make more sense if he can hear them one more time. 

There might be a 404 ERROR message currently running through Patrick’s brain.

He needs a rewind button. 

He can’t...

He...

Patrick coughs his way into a laugh. “Uh...what?!

It's not that it's a secret either of them are into guys. Patrick's seen Jonny around campus getting friendly with both men and women more than a few times. Still, it's quite the leap to assume Patrick, a Delta Chi, and therefore a superior species is interested in him, a mere peasant.

“Are you serious?” he asks, still laughing. It might be a bit of a hysterical laugh. It’s pretty high pitched.

Jonny doesn't look insulted, the cocky asshole. His expression is more impatient, if anything, as he steps into Patrick's space and says, “Do I look like I’m fucking with you?”

Not yet, Patrick thinks and feels his dick twitch. Jesus. It's too goddamn hot in this house. Sweat gathering at his temples and his tie too tight around his neck. He pulls it looser and tries to shake off his jitters.

“That's a bold assumption you're making, dude.”

“Are you saying you don't want to?” Jonny asks.

The truly gross part is how Patrick only hesitates a second before looking him over, really takes a moment to let his eyes wander up and down the length of Jonny’s long body, his muscular arms, the broad shoulders, the ruddy tint to his cheeks, the sculpted jaw, his pink lips and dark brown eyes. The kind of eyes that are warm and so so intense, and currently trained all on him.

On Patrick.

Patrick’s traitorous dick thickens in his pants, his own body enacting a mutiny upon him.

He swallows roughly. “Uh...no.”

“Let’s go up to my room then,” Jonny says.

Patrick should leave. He should leave.

Instead, he follows.

*

Walking up the stairs to Jonny's room the only thing Patrick can think about is that he wishes he'd had more to drink. He’s not even buzzed enough to realistically blame this error in judgment on alcohol. But he refuses to blame himself either so it's pretty obviously all Dayna’s fault, and Brent Seabrook’s. Which means it's Sigma Alpha’s fault. 

So there, the world makes sense once again.

The upstairs is less crowded than the rest of the house, most of the bedroom doors shut, probably locked to prevent outsiders from fucking on house members beds. Jonny’s room is at the end of the hall, tucked away next to the bathroom. Jonny lets them both in, ushering Patrick inside first and flipping the lock behind them.

It’s a single, which shouldn’t be surprising since Jonny is the Sigma President, but it catches Patrick off guard all the same. He has to take a few beats to gather himself as his gaze travels over the room. It’s every inch what Patrick would’ve expected, from the collection of Apple products scattered over his desk to the trophies and medals pinned to his bookshelf. There’s an econ textbook on his dresser beside his overpriced watch and Armani cologne. Sports gear looks to be thrown in a pile by his closet almost artfully. It’s like his bedroom is a set for a fucking Abercrombie and Fitch ad. Patrick gags a little. Almost.

If that was all there was to Jonny in this room Patrick wouldn’t be surprised one iota. But it’s not.

There’s also framed photos of his family everywhere, pictures of him fishing with his brother, of their family dog, of his grandma knitting him a Christmas sweater. The floor is a mess with socks and crumpled paper, a thousand post-it notes of things he’s written to himself tacked up everywhere. He’s got anatomy posters on his walls and a signed Canadian hockey jersey framed over his bed, the forest green sheets are rumpled and soft to the touch when Patrick takes a seat on his bed. It’s a bit much to take in all at once especially with Jonny’s attention still on him as he removes his tie and unbuttons his shirt at the collar.

“I need a drink,” Patrick says, warm everywhere and restless.

Jonny pulls an unopened Absolut Vodka bottle from his dresser, unscrewing the cap, and handing it over.

“Here,” he says, and begins rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. “I don’t have any clean cups.”

“Anything to chase it with?” Patrick asks, staring at the veins running along Jonny’s toned forearms, the skin golden and his hands large.

“You need a chaser?” Jonny says like it’s a dare.

“Oh fuck off,” he mumbles, shrugging out of his own jacket. He fists the bottle by the neck, using his free hand to wipe at his sweaty brow, averting his attention. He takes a breath, in and out, feels the way his stomach flutters. “Bottoms up!”

Jonny snorts as Patrick takes a long pull. It tastes horribly bitter and burns all the way down his throat. He takes another drink, and then two more, and then again one last time for good measure.

When he hands the bottle over to Jonny he licks his lips, catching a stray drop of vodka at the corner of his mouth and utterly staggered by the way Jonny’s staring at him, eyelids heavy and pupils blown wide.

The overhead light is turned off, just a small desk lamp left to softly illuminate the room, everything a soft yellow glow.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Patrick mutters, even if the idea of it all seems less crazy now with a glass of vodka in his system and Jonny’s bare forearms in view.

“Or you can’t believe you lost?” Jonny volleys back, taking a few swigs of his own.

“Do I have to choose?”

Patrick reaches for the bottle again, wiggling his fingers in a ‘gimme’ gesture. Jonny holds out the bottle for a moment, offering, but the instant Patrick actually touches it Jonny snatches it back, teasing, baiting.

“No,” Jonny says, low. “But you could come closer.” He tilts his chin up, gesturing Patrick to him, movements like dripping honey.

There’s this tension in the air, something that’s always been between them, but it’s different now. No less heavier, but still challenging, still stuck deep underneath his ribcage and tight. It’s sizzling through his skin now, making goosebumps pop up all across his overheated skin. He waits, just long enough to see Jonny shift on his feet before he stands - until they’re both standing. It’s a little victory, but he enjoys it, even more for the way Jonny meets him in the middle, stepping into Patrick’s space again and slotting a leg between both of his.

Jonny’s legs are long, full of thick corded muscle and his thigh hot to the touch. When it presses up against Patrick’s dick he can’t help the way a small gasp escapes his lips.

“This is so stupid,” he says, even as he pushes closer.

“Is it?” Jonny murmurs, rocking forward until they’re chest to chest, faces only a breath away.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because I hate you,” Patrick says, huffing out a laugh at the absurdity of the question, of this entire night.

“Well,” Jonny, says, nose barely grazing the edge of Patrick’s jaw and the sensitive spot behind his ear. “I hate you more.”

Patrick shivers. “Impossible.”

“You wanna bet?” he chuckles.

He’s so goddamn annoying Patrick wants to shove him away and storm out. He wants it so bad he can taste it, the tips of his fingers practically tingling. So it makes absolutely zero sense that he fists his hands in Jonny’s dress shirt, yanks him close, and spins them both around to tumble back onto the bed.

“Just,” he groans. “Just shut up and let’s get this over with.”

Jonny stretches his arms wide, crosses them under the back of his head as he spreads his legs. “Pretend all you want, Kane, but I know.”

“Know what?” Patrick asks, settling between Jonny’s tree trunk thighs and unable to keep his eyes off the considerable bulge in Jonny’s pants.

“You’re hard too. You want this too.”

His voice is a deep timber and it slides over Patrick like a silky wave. Almost calming despite Jonny’s provocative words. He wishes he could deny them, flip the script on Jonny and show him he’s not as hot as he clearly believes he is. The truth is he can’t. His own dick is a hard line inside his boxer briefs, the need to rub himself over the bedding becoming a problem he won’t be able to avoid for very long. Especially not with the way Jonny’s stupidly perfect body is right within reach of taking.

“Stop talking,” Patrick snaps, fitting his hands over Jonny’s hips and moving them up. He can feel the buzzed flush at the tips of his ears spreading down his neck. Jonny’s own throat is covered in a glossy sheen of sweat and smooth enough to lick. Fuck.

Patrick frowns.

Jonny mimes zipping his lips, locking them, and throwing away the key. It’s disgustingly endearing and Patrick gives up any pretense right then, gives all the way in. 

He reaches for Jonny’s pants, opening them up and then peeling Jonny’s silver-gray boxer briefs over his hips and the plush curve of his ass, his cock slapping back against his stomach. There’s foreskin, which is new. Not much, just enough to cover part of the rosy-colored crown. Patrick's never been with an uncut guy before. That's not what causes him to pause. Jonny’s cock is long too and so so thick, fat enough it’s difficult for Patrick to get his fingers around. The tip is slippery wet and perfectly shaped. It’s an unfairly gorgeous dick, as far as dicks go. Patrick wonders if he can hate a guy for being so well endowed while still wanting to see exactly how far he can deep throat him. It’s not a question he thought he’d be asking himself on Homecoming night.

When he takes Jonny in hand he’s pleasantly surprised to see the way his hips arch up off the bed, just a tiny sign of need. Patrick runs his hand up and down the smooth length of him, dragging up the foreskin and pulling it down as he goes, then thumbs over the slick slit. Jonny hisses, moaning in the back of his throat and Patrick grins to himself evilly.

He could do this all night, he thinks, as he works Jonny up with the twist of his hand and the tongue that’s swiping out over his lips. Leaning down to lick a stripe up the length of him from root to tip he relishes the way Jonny keens, reaching out and then digging at the sheets instead. Patrick does this a few more times, just to see the way he silently begs for more.

All of it has his own dick leaking inside his pants, balls tight and snug. He presses into the mattress for relief as he mouths at the head, breathing over it hotly, but not taking it inside.

“C’mon!” Jonny growls, impatient.

Patrick hums wickedly and doesn’t move. “Ask nicely.”

“Fuck you,” he spits, propping himself up on his elbows.

“That wasn’t part of the deal,” Patrick sings, biting at his lip. He tries not to imagine another time, another deal, where it could happen, where Jonny could be the one pressing Patrick down into his mattress right now and filling him up.

Jonny whimpers a little, hand coming up like he wants to yank Patrick down on his cock, before falling to his side again. “Will you just...please?”

He says it almost sweetly, his expression shifting into something soft, earnest. It could all be a play to make Patrick do what he wants. It’s embarrassing how well it works.

Sucking Jonny down is overwhelming. He tastes salty and hot and he’s heavy on Patrick’s tongue. He can only take so much inside, working by half inches as he bobs up and down in a continuous rhythm. When he can feel Jonny at the back of his throat he’s still got one hand inelegantly stroking the base where two could fit. He can’t take much more, even with his truly enviable skills.

It doesn’t seem to matter anyway as the movements he’s making are enough to have Jonny arching off the bed and groaning deeply as he comes. There was a half-assed warning in the flapping of Jonny’s hand, but Patrick doesn’t let up, sucking him down until he’s jerking weakly. He's not really sure why he swallows, he certainly doesn't owe it to Jonny after all. That was never part of the bet. But it might be the way his own dick aches when that first splash of come hits his tongue, filthy and tangy, so clearly all of Jonny. Or it might be the way Jonny's eyes roll back in his head when he sees Patrick suck harder on the crown, instead of pulling back, shuddering all over and letting out a breathy punched out ‘fuck’. He’s not sure why and he’s not going to question it further. Instead, he eases back lazily, wiping at the edges of his mouth and watching Jonny stretch out across his bed, murmuring happily.

“You're welcome,” Patrick says, heart pounding and skin prickly.

“Oh yeah, thank you,” Jonny smiles, eyes closed. “That was great.”

“I know.”

“Mmm. Made me all sleepy.”

Patrick watches him settle back into his pillow, body slack, relaxed even with his shirt askew and his pants still unzipped. “Are...are you actually falling asleep?”

“I could.”

“Right now?”

“Why?” Jonny asks, breezily. “Did you want something?”

Was this guy for fucking real?

“Nah, man. I'm good. See ya later,” Patrick bites out, twisting to move off the bed. He doesn’t make it far.

“Shut up and c’mere,” Jonny laughs, looping his arms around Patrick's middle and pulling him back down. Then he kisses Patrick long and bruising, stealing all the air from his lungs and licking the taste of himself off of Patrick’s tongue. “Your breath smells like dick.”

“Your dick.”

“Mmm yeah, it's good,” Jonny says, and sucks on Patrick’s bottom lip for another few long beats.

“You're a weird one, Toews, but you're hot as fuck.” It shouldn’t be said, but Patrick can’t not say it. His buzz is really starting to kick in now.

“Thank you?” Jonny asks like he's unsure if Patrick's insulting him or not.

Patrick nods, dizzy drunk and skin tingling. “You’re welcome.” 

A large hand settles hot over his cloth covered dick, rubbing in circles that make Patrick whine with the need for skin on skin. Luckily Jonny doesn’t make him wait, flicking open his pants and shoving his hand inside until he can grasp Patrick good and tight. He’s a sticky, wet mess, precome slick all over his boxers. Jonny uses it to ease the way, grip firm and surprisingly deft. He leans close to bite at Patrick’s bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth again as Patrick shudders out his release. It’s better than it has any right to be.

When Jonny pulls his hand free he licks some of the come from his palm, lapping at it slowly, making a show. Patrick's so mesmerized he doesn't realize Jonny's wiped the rest of the jizz on his thigh until he feels it start to seep through the material.

“You're fucking rude,” he spits. Or tries to with the way he’s attempting to catch his breath.

“You liked it,” Jonny grins, still smug as ever.

“That second rate handjob? I've done better with a bottle of Jergens on my own, pal.”

Jonny flips over onto his front, throwing an arm over Patrick’s middle as he pushes his face half against his pillow, lips just inches from Patrick’s temple. “You know how I know you’re lying?”

“Mmm?” Patrick mumbles, limbs heavy and the room a little spinny. Maybe he needs a quick nap before he hikes it the fuck out of here. Just a quick catnap.

“Every time I touch you...you tremble,” Jonny whispers.

Patrick doesn’t shiver.

He doesn’t.

Because if he did that would be embarrassing and this night has already ruined him.

He’s wrecked and he can’t think about it.

Patrick lets his eyes flutter shut, let’s himself float into the hazy warmth of it all and doesn’t think, only murmurs, “You wish.” And then he’s blessedly asleep.

*

Patrick wakes the next morning to a buzzing in his pocket and a dull headache. Jonny’s knocked out beside him, breathing deep and pressed heavily along Patrick’s side. His face is soft in sleep, all of his edges rounded out, gentle. There’s no conceivable reason why Patrick should spend any time looking at Jonny or even be in Jonny’s bed. He shouldn't have landed himself here in the first place, and yet here he is, still, easing himself out of the enemy’s bed, and his room, and making the walk of shame home stained in disgrace.

It’s lucky Sharpy called him when he did, early enough that Patrick can escape the Sigma house without being detected. He’s not even sure what he’d say if he was caught or what they’d do to him, especially if Backes or Kesler were the ones to cross his path.

There’s other people out walking at this hour too, if only just a few. Patrick passes a couple of them on his way down the block. They look as unkempt as he feels, hair ruffled and clothes out of place. The sun is too cheerful bright the sky too blue for his dehydrated mind to process and he realizes he’s still got a come stain on the side of his pants, chalky and stiff to the touch. Awesome.

The Delta Chi house, when he walks through the lawn to the front door, looks a bit worse for the wear after last night. There are streamers and Solo cups strewn across the yard and trailing inside. Patrick kicks past some glittery confetti shit, pulling his phone from his pocket as it buzzes. It’s Sharpy again. His tenth text since last night and three missed calls. Yikes. Who’s about to get a lecture? Two thumbs for this guy.

Patrick considers trying to evade him for a few hours, maybe take a nap first. Unfortunately, he only makes it to the staircase before he’s caught.

“Where the fuck were you last night?” Sharpy says, face pinched and a mostly empty bag of trash in his hand. “You were supposed to help me with the pledges or did you forget?”

“Oh shit,” Patrick sighs. “Sorry, man. I...yeah. I totally forgot. Dayna dragged me to a Sigma Alpha party and well....”

Sharpy’s eyes go comically wide. “Sigma Alpha?!”

“Yep. And then she sorta bailed”

“The hell?” Sharpy says, stepping up to him.

The house has brothers scattered all over it in various levels of passed out, most of them too drunk to know better because if they did they’d be up safe in their rooms and not out in the open where anyone could mess with them. Shawzy’s plastered on the leather couch in front of the flat screen, some cartoon on that he’s probably seen twenty times before, Chaunette’s head pillowed on his lap. Phil’s smoking a cig by the window, even though he knows he’s likely to incur the wrath of their house mother for it. Buff is spread eagle on the floor, underneath the fancy shag rug that Soupy left them before he graduated last fall, a girl on each side of him. What a pimp. And on the green couch is G-Money, drooling from the corner of his mouth, and a dick in the shape of a J, for his first name, scrawled across his cheek.

Patrick’s going to have to wake him up in a minute. Hopefully, he doesn’t puke everywhere. 

“Yeah,” he shrugs in Sharpy’s direction. Then he sighs.

Sharpy chucks him on the shoulder. “Sorry, man. But wait. Why didn't you just come back here then? Did you...you got laid, didn't you? Aww Kaner, good job, buddy.”

His smile is so weirdly proud that Patrick has to shove him away with an eye roll. “Stop acting so surprised, shithead.”

“Was she hot?” Sharpy waggles his eyebrows.

“He was...very,” Patrick admits, even if he’s not sure why.

“Nice. Name?”

“Uhhh.”

The thing is Patrick could tell Sharpy, probably. That it was a Sigma, that it was Jonny. He’d catch no small amount of hell for it, but Sharpy wouldn’t actively judge him like the rest of the brothers would, at least not in any real way that would have consequences. The downside of telling Sharpy would come when he inevitably opened his fat mouth and told everyone Patrick’s business, probably by accident, but that would be moot once it slipped out.

So Patrick knows he can tell Sharpy, but he won’t. Instead, he shrugs, mind still too fuzzy sleep worn and foggy from the alcohol.

“Did you at least suit up?” Sharpy asks, like he’s Patrick’s father.

“Umm,” Patrick says, fidgeting under Sharpy’s scrutinizing stare. How's he supposed to tell Sharpy no, they had not, in fact, used a condom, because Patrick didn't want latex between his tongue and that gorgeous cock? But he’s pretty sure if anyone is squeaky clean on this campus it’s definitely Toews' lame ass.

Sharpy frowns and digs in his pocket, pulling out at least five foil packets. He shoves them into Patrick’s hand. “Hey! No glove no love, okay.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Won't happen again.”

They break off after that to begin cleaning, Patrick shuffles to the kitchen to grab a few black garbage bags and collects empty Solo cups and balled up napkins off the floor. Other brothers slowly join in, if a bit reluctantly, grumbly and moaning about headaches and begging to know where the Tylenol is located. Once the majority of the mess is under control Patrick leaves the rest of the pledges to it and escapes upstairs for a long needed nap. On his way he passes a framed picture of the unofficial house rules.

RULES TO NEVER BREAK (EVER!) (unless you’re shawzy and don’t give a fuck)

don’t sleep on the green couch. you’ll wake up with a dick drawn on your face.

never let a Sigma in the house

don’t leave your shoes by the door, they’ll be thrown out.

laundry days are on friday. wash your fucking clothes you, filthy animal!

the strawberry yogurt is kaner’s. don’t touch or he’ll glue your ass to the toilet seat. right, shawzy?

sharpy gets the TV every thursday from 7pm-9pm for The Bachelorette. no, you can’t watch your shitty Cardinals game. DON’T ASK.

I repeat, never let a Sigma Alpha in this, our home and refuge

if reggie is around feed reggie.

stop putting forks in the microwave, you morons.

david backes is satan. never look him directly in the eyes.

312-664-7440 Dominos Pizza - ask for Malynn NOT Bree for the 25% discount

DON’T ASK ABOUT THE GRASS

don’t give carbomb grey goose after midnight. or you’re cleaning the second story bathtub.

Seriously. Under pain of death DO NOT let a Sig into this house or you will forthwith be banished from the kingdom.

He taps his finger against the glass of the frame as he passes it by, a reminder to himself where his priorities lie.

In his room he face plants on his bed and dreams weird dreams of being kicked out of Delta Chi, then college, then his parents' house to live a lonely, shameful life on the streets of Chicago all because he let Jonathan Toews put his dick in his mouth. When he wakes, more clear-headed and less hungover he makes a vow to forget last night and never think of it again, like it never happened.

It’s for the better. It has to be.