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rickydixky · 2 years ago

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After Hours • Rick Grimes

a/n • y'all holy shit...this is pretty hardcore. Also if you want to be in a tag list when I drop smut just comment or repost <3. Also sorry if my grammar is ass, I haven't written in a while.

warnings • 18+ ONLY, Dark Rick, filthy smut, daddy kink, slut/whore kink, choking, slapping, oral (m!receiving), throat fucking, hair pulling.

summary • since you want to open your mouth and talk back, Rick has ideas on how to make that mouth more useful.

wc • 2.5 k

“Rick I told you for the thousandth time, I have shit I need to do!” You yelled as he asked you to take over one of his shifts tomorrow. “Like what y/n!” He replied tilting his head to the side. You hated when he acted like this. Like he was in control, like he knew everything. Times like this just made you want to slap the shit out of him. “Don’t play fucking dumb Rick! I have a job to do Rick! I have kids to look after Rick! I have to make sure everyone has there head screwed on right so shit doesn’t hit the fan! Meanwhile you are out and just jacking off with Daryl! I don’t want to hear shit from you Rick! You hear me!”

Rick just stared at you. You noticed that he clinched his jaw and balled up his hands into a fist. You stared back giving him the same treatment. You weren’t scared of him and he didn’t own you. He wanted to but it was difficult to make you budge. This is what happens when two leaders decide they want to mess around. Tension always builds up between two strong leaders.

Rick unclenched his jaw and unraveled his fist. He closed his eyes and sighed. He then looked right back at you. Why did he look so calm all of a sudden? Why isn’t he yelling back at me? He looked at you, his face relaxed. You then saw the corner of his mouth creep up forming a smirk. “You better watch who you are talking to pumpkin.” He said in a soft tone.

You felt his words cut through you. And your heart instantly started to race. “Or what Rick. You aren’t gonna do a fucking thing.” You said with a stern face, but you knew it was all a façade. You were trying to keep it together because you knew what he was capable of. How he was able to ruin you in a matter of seconds.

When he was like this he was intense. It was too much to handle at times but you liked it. You always felt in control but it was exhilarating to not be especially with Rick.

Your eyes followed him as me moved closer. All you could do was freeze and watch his movements. With every step he became closer to you, making you weak. He kept eye contact as he moved forward. Making you feel so helpless and needy.

“I’m not gonna do anything hmm?” Rick whispered in your ear. From your peripheral you could see the huge smirk on his face. He was enjoying every single moment of this and so were you. The room fell silent as you didn’t respond. Ricks head just tilts to the side and looks at you. You make eye contact with him.

“Answer me!” He yells while grabbing a hold of your neck. This forced you to collide with the wall behind you. As a reflex, you gasp for air as you feel his fingertips tighten around your throat. The devilish smirk on his face turns stern as you continue to stay silent. When you didn't obey him this turned him on way too much.

He could feel his jeans get tighter as you looked at him. Those pretty eyes staring into his soul made him weak. But he had to snap out of it to teach you a lesson. You were out of line today and that wasn't going to go unpunished.

"Since you want to act naughty, I'm going to treat you like the whore you are." He whispered in your ear causing a shiver to run down your spine. This was happening right here in the living room. In this house while people were asleep. The thought of someone catching the both of you made your heart race even more.

Rick let go of your throat and looked down at his pants. You looked down as well and followed his hands as he unbuckled his belt. He trailed his fingers to his button and slowly unbuttoned his pants. You were so eager to see him again that you reached for his pants. "Bad girl," you heard him mutter under his breath before he slapped your hands. A soft whimper escaped your lips as you looked back up at him. "Daddy is in control remember that," he says causing you to respond with "Yes Daddy." This brought a smirk to his face because he knew that you would do anything for him now.

"Such a needy little slut for daddy hmm?" he asked as he slowly unzipped his pants. His dick was glued to his jeans so that you could see his print. The thought of him ramming into you drove you insane. You looked up at him and nodded vigorously. A chuckle came from Rick as he watched you become so helpless.

"Get on your knees," he demanded and you obeyed. You slid down to your knees and made direct eye contact with his bulge. You put your hands on your lap and looked up at him. You were fighting the urge to take his dick out of his underwear but you knew that wasn't what you were supposed to be doing.

You saw Rick curl his fingers around the waistband of his jeans and underwear. You instantly placed yourself in position to suck him off. When he slid them down the tip of his dick slapped you on your lips. You imminently licked your lips to you could taste him.

You look and see Rick reach for the back of your head. He wraps your hair in a ponytail with his fingers and grabs his shaft with the other hand. "Are you sorry baby girl? For talking to Daddy like that?" You looked up and saw that smirk on his face again. "No," you replied. You felt a sting on your right cheek as Rick slapped his hard dick across your cheek. "Try again whore." Rick aggressively said. This made your pussy throb with excitement as he used you.

"No Daddy," you moaned. He followed that response with another slap on your face. "Dirty slut," he remarked as you moaned again to his dick being slapped across your cheek. He pulled your head further away from his dick and a slight whimper escaped your lips. "Try again," he says as he lines his dick up with your mouth. "Yes, Daddy I'm sorry," you said staring into his eyes. This made his cock twitch in his hands sending him over the edge.

"Good girl, now open your mouth." He demanded and you obeyed. You closed your eyes and opened your mouth. “Uh-uh, look up at me princess.” He whispered. Your eyes immediately snapped open, looking directly at him. “Suck it up buttercup.” Rick said with a menacing smirk on his face. He guided your head closer to his dick. And with one movement your lips were wrapped around Ricks swollen head.

Rick slowly moves your head closer inward making you open wider to fit all of him inside your mouth. You flick your tongue on his shaft feeling all his veins. Then Rick forces his dick down your throat. “Good girl.” Rick muttered as he saw his whole dick disappear into your mouth.

He slowly guides your head in and out causing him to throw his head back at the sensation of your lips sliding up and down his cock. “You dirty little slut. Right here in the living room?” He grunts and you respond with a moan that vibrates on his dick. His words did wonders to you, making your pussy soaking wet. Making you filled with desire and desperation. You wanted him, you needed him.

Rick looked down and your eyes met. He stopped moving your head and placed both of his hands on the back on your head. He then started to thrust his cock into you mouth. Going slow at first and then slowly picking up the pace. You felt his dick slide in and out of your throat causing you to roll your eyes in the back of your head, followed by a gargled moan. You felt your saliva trail down your chin as he continued to thrust harder and deeper into your mouth.

“Rick I told you for the thousandth time, I have shit I need to do!” You yelled as he asked you to take over one of his shifts tomorrow. “Like what y/n!” He replied, tilting his head to the side. You hated when he acted like this. Like he was in control like he knew everything. Times like this just made you want to slap the shit out of him. “Don’t play fucking dumb Rick! I have a job to do Rick! I have kids to look after Rick! I have to make sure everyone has their head screwed on right so shit doesn’t hit the fan! Meanwhile, you are out and just jacking off with Daryl! I don’t want to hear shit from you Rick! You hear me!”

Rick just stared at you. You noticed that he clenched his jaw and balled up his hands into a fist. You stared back giving him the same treatment. You weren’t scared of him and he didn’t own you. He wanted to but it was challenging to make you budge. This is what happens when two leaders decide they want to mess around. Tension always builds up between two strong leaders.

You felt his words cut through you. And your heart instantly started to race. “Or what Rick? You aren’t gonna do a fucking thing.” You said with a stern face, but you knew it was all a facade. You were trying to keep it together because you knew what he was capable of. How he was able to ruin you in a matter of seconds.

When he was like this he was intense. It was too much to handle at times but you liked it. You always felt in control but it was exhilarating to not be especially with Rick.

Your eyes followed him as he moved closer. All you could do was freeze and watch his movements. With every step he became closer to you, making you weak. He kept eye contact as he moved forward. Making you feel so helpless and needy.

“I’m not gonna do anything hmm?” Rick whispered in your ear. From your peripheral, you could see the huge smirk on his face. He was enjoying every single moment of this and so were you. The room fell silent as you didn’t respond. Rick's head just tilts to the side and looks at you. You make eye contact with him.

You saw Rick curl his fingers around the waistband of his jeans and underwear. You instantly placed yourself in a position to suck him off. When he slid them down the tip of his dick slapped you on your lips. You imminently licked your lips to you could taste him.

"Good girl, now open your mouth." He demanded and you obeyed. You closed your eyes and opened your mouth. “Uh-uh, look up at me princess.” He whispered. Your eyes immediately snapped open, looking directly at him. “Suck it up buttercup,” Rick said with a menacing smirk on his face. He guided your head closer to his dick. And with one movement your lips were wrapped around Rick's swollen head.

Rick slowly moves your head closer inward making you open wider to fit all of him inside your mouth. You flick your tongue on his shaft feeling all his veins. Then Rick forces his dick down your throat. “Good girl,” Rick muttered as he saw his whole dick disappear into your mouth.

He slowly guides your head in and out causing him to throw his head back at the sensation of your lips sliding up and down his cock. “You dirty little slut. Right here in the living room?” He grunts and you respond with a moan that vibrates on his dick. His words did wonders for you, making your pussy soaking wet. Making you filled with desire and desperation. You wanted him, you needed him.

Rick looked down and your eyes met. He stopped moving your head and placed both of his hands on the back of your head. He then started to thrust his cock into your mouth. Going slow at first and then slowly picking up the pace. You felt his dick slide in and out of your throat causing you to roll your eyes in the back of your head, followed by a gargled moan. You felt your saliva trail down your chin as he thrust harder and deeper into your mouth.

You then heard a loud pop and the feeling of your empty mouth. You look up at Rick and he was panting heavily. “Get up.” He demands. You were hesitant because the view of Rick hovering over you excited you. But you did as you were told and rose to your feet and waited for your next order. Rick wipes the saliva off your chin and plants a kiss on your lips. You moan into the kiss as he grabs onto your breast. The kiss gets more intense as you move your hands to the back of his neck. You push him closer wanting him to taste every inch of you. Rick cursed softly to himself as he pushed away to catch his breath.

“Where do you want me?” you breathed looking into his eyes. In response, he bit his lower lip and his eyes wandered around your body. You were giving yourself to him openly and he loved that. He loved the idea of you begging to be fucked like the good girl you are. You could tell he was fantasizing about something by the way he looked at you. And you knew he was going to get what he wanted.

He turned around and his eyes wandered around the living room. Where were his eyes going to land you wondered. The couch? The floor? The coffee table? You couldn’t tell what he was going to pick and this was making you even more needy. His eyes were then glued to the window. “Walk over there sweetie,” he demanded as he pointed at the glass window. You obeyed and walked near the window. His eyes watched you as you walked while slowly following behind you.

“Doesn't the moon look beautiful,” he whispered into your ear, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer. You then felt his lips touch your neck causing you to move your head slightly to the side. You closed your eyes and felt him trail kisses down your neck. You moaned in pleasure at the sensation of him being so close to you. But Rick wasn't close enough. Rick slid his hands down to the hem of your pants, wrapping his fingers around the band of your pants and panties. A soft whimper escaped your lips as he slowly slid them down your thighs.

You open your eyes and looked at Rick through the reflection of the window. “Such a needy girl for Daddy hm?” he whispered in your ear. You felt your core tighten at his words. Jesus, he was so good at turning you on. He looked up and your eyes met in the reflection of the window making you instantly reply back to him. “Yes, I need you,” you whispered back to him with desperation in your eyes. “Good girl,” he said moving his fingers towards your entrance. You felt one finger slip between your folds and you couldn’t help but moan loudly. Then you felt two of Rick's fingers sliding on your slick entrance. He slowly started rubbing circles on your clit making you throw your head back. You were so sensitive and it was showing.

“So wet,” Rick whispered in your ear. His fingers were then withdrawn from your entrance and moved toward his mouth. You watched as he licked his fingers clean. You couldn’t help but moan at the sight. You then felt Rick’s hand on your back as he pushed you up against the window.

As a reflex, you placed both of your hands on the glass window. Rick moved his hands against your side, sending shivers down your spine. You felt his dick slap against your core causing you to whimper. Rick saw this as an invitation to finally give you what you wanted. Rick moved one of his hands to the base of his dick so he could line up with your entrance.

You felt your pussy separate as he pressed his tip in you. You hold in your moans but you can't help little noises escaping your mouth. “So tight for me baby,” You hear Rick mutter and you respond with “Just for you.” And with that, Rick thrust all of him inside of you. This time you don't repress the moan and let it echo through the living room.

There you were again. Being dominated by Rick in the nastiest way possible. You felt eyes watching you as Rick started to thrust faster into you. “Such a good slut for daddy,” he whispered as he slapped your ass. A pretty loud moan escaped your lips at his actions. Rick watched his handprint form on your cheek, causing it to turn red. He slapped your ass harder causing your walls to clench around his dick. “Dirty whore,” he grunted causing your eyes to roll back.

In one swift movement, you felt your head jerk back. Rick grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled it. “Don’t cum yet, not until I tell you to.” He whispered in your ear. The way he treated you didn’t make it any better. You were so close and you had to hold out. Rick started to thrust in you faster causing your legs to shake. You took your hand off the window and covered your mouth. The amount of pleasure you were feeling was unbearable.

Rick snatched your hand away from your mouth and folded it behind your back. “Let them hear how good I’m fucking you right now,” Rick demanded. Just like the good girl you are you obeyed, letting your moans escape from your lips and letting the noise echo throughout the house. This pushed Rick over the edge. You being obedient towards him was what he loved.

He looked down and watched how your pussy clenched around his dick with every thrust. He focuses on the sensation of your being against him causing him to moan. He saw the way your legs shook and he knew that you were extremely close. And so was he. He unclenched his fingers around your hair and moved them to your waist. “Baby you feel so good, I’m gonna cum.” he moans. He slows his thrust down and you know he is about to burst.

You push off of him and get on your knees. You wrap your hand around his dick and open your mouth. You move your hands up and down his shaft as he looks at you in the eyes. “Cum deep in my throat,” you demand as you put his dick in your mouth and start sucking. “Y/N!” you heard Rick moan loudly causing you to take all of him in your mouth. You felt warm liquid coat your throat as you saw Rick's eyes roll back. When he was done cumming you didn’t stop sucking causing him to go into overstimulation. Rick threw his head back and started to shake as you continued to suck. You slid his dick out of your mouth and looked up at him.

“Good boy,” you said as a smirk started to form.

my tag list: @catt-leya @sweetz1919 @iluvdixon @justcallmeely @mrfrigginmoseby @gargleme @cherryvalentine1 @rickswh0r3 @multiifandomhoe

#rick grimes #the walking dead #twd #andrew lincoln #rick grimes smut #ricky dicky doo da grimes #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes fanfiction

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fishalthor · 2 months ago

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I think I'll do this for each new episode ( as though anyone cares lolz) AND I WANNA KNOW OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS TOO TELL ME YOUR OPINIONS TOO YESGOOD but I'm gonna list my 3 favorite and 3 least favorite things about each episode! with maybe some minor notes at the end? doing the premiere now so I'll have only 2 episodes next week. LET'S GOOOO under the cut because

SPOILERS

LIKES:

RAND. The way that Josha is playing him really gets so little credit and I think it's unfair. His change in acting/posture even through each season is telling enough for the arc and, honestly, it's impressive. He doesn't even have to speak for me to get where Rand is at.

That first scene. YES it was beautifully done. The CGI was incredible, the fight was thrilling, I didn't know what was going to happen next. VERY GOOD, VERY IMPRESSIVE. and the step up each season in the cgi department is fantasic.

The Tower Politics that I'm not sure where it's going to go now. It'll be great. Siuan having that talk with Egwene and Nynaeve, I'm wondering what's going to become of that. I'm excited. I love seeing Siuan and I'm wondering if they're going to do her book storyline. Either way, I like seeing her.

DISLIKES

Egwene's character direction. I do NOT like her whole TURNING MY BACK ON THE TOWER ARC. for me, Egwene was the most Aes Sedai in the books. The perfect Aes Sedai and seeing her flip so suddenly is weird? And also - PTSD does not make character development. Egwene didn't and wouldn't handle things that way, to me at least. In the books she seemed really the character with her head on straight, she dealt with things differently. For Rand to deal with his own ptsd in his way and then having her deal with it in another was a great show of opposites for them. To see her deal with it this way and be all ANTI TOWER really irked me. Because I'm sick of shows making that the grounds for development, it really doesn't have to be. People CAN GO THROUGH THINGS AND NOT REACT THAT WAY. anyways ALSO SHE DESERVED A LONGER TEST wtf

Moiraine working with Lanfear? YEAH NO. I did not like this at all. WHY? Nope. I erase this from my mind Moiraine would NOT. And that far? To trust her that far? Rushed explanation to Lan and just...NO. Also the Bubble of Evil NOT BEING ONE? DISAPPOINTED.

How fast everything was? They're always saying that they're developing things better on the show then they turn around and give these people whole ass relationships off screen that suddenly we're supposed to buy. The storyline felt like they just wanted them out of the city and onto their journey in 2.5 seconds. Also why tf are they in Tar Valon?

notes.

I'm not sure why they know that callandor can kill forsaken? and why can it? idk.

I LOVED Aviendha actually. she was great.

Rand and Moiraine's dynamic is fantastic. A+

I liked that Rand isn't running away again like people initially thought.. Get that boy in command lol

Loial and Rand reading together was precious. give me more.

Perrin just wanting to REST is so in character. he deserves it.

I wish we got more introductions towards these relationships. Elayne KNOWS Rand will respect the Aiel somehow. FINALLY with Aviendha and Elayne was out of nowhere. How did Rand and Egwene get back to that place? Why are Nynaeve and Lan shacking up again?

I liked the boys having A MOMENT that was fun. and that talk with Perrin and Rand was so good. As well as their goodbye when everyone was hugging. I LOVE hugs. I LIVE for hugs and idek but it's so great.

Again Moiraine is all I WONT LET HIM NEAR ANOTHER AES SEDAI but she's in the middle of Tar Valon for some reason is beyond me.

We visited most show regulars except for Min so I'm still 100% unsure where they're going to put Min in the scheme of things, as in future story-wise

I WANTED TO SEE MORE OF THE BOW TO ME SCENE that was just not enough to be impactful

I LOVED the use of The Old Tongue.

I LOVED Rand being annoyed by the maidens following him lol

I DONT HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR BULLSHIT - favorite line lmao

#le me #wot spoilers #the wheel of time spoilers #the wheel of time #wheel of time #wot series

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thesidemascots · 2 months ago

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FINISH OR FORFEIT CHALLENGE! (Sidemascots 2.5)

Starring…

THE NEXT-GEN SIDEMASCOTS!

Miraitowa: If you expect Vinicius’ stupidity or Sumi’s brainrot, you’ll be solely disappointed!

Burke: They’re both fired by us!

Miraitowa: And replacing these two idiots are…

Borobi: Why do I still feel like I’m being overshadowed? Anyone felt that?

Burke: Tina and Milo!

Milo: I’ll choke anyone who’s making fun of my prosthetic/tail!

Miraitowa and Burke: Let the challenges begin!

Miraitowa

Borobi: Anyone feel overshadowed? Anyone?

Honohon: There are more people being overshadowed than you, Borobi!

Borobi: Did you even feel overshadowed?

Honohon: Nah, I have a friend.

Miraitowa: Let me guess…

Honohon: Let me guess…

Miraitowa and Honohon: YOU!

Borobi: ☹

Burke: Get over this already!

Miraitowa: Fine!

Burke: Mirai… your challenge is… go and apologize to Someity!

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Sacha: Are everyone aliens today?

Burke: Your forfeit is… make a call in an Instagram group chat!

Miraitowa: Easy!

Burke: Full of people who are too nervous or unwilling to take a call!

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Sacha: Ah, yes, the incident…

Olympic Phryge: What incident?

(Transition)

Burke: I know how nervous you are so I’ll let you text.

Miraitowa: *gulps* Here goes…

Burke: Don’t worry, the punishment is not as severe as this…

(Everyone laughed)

(The following is a text convo on Miraitowa’s phone)

Miraitowa: hello?

Someity: yes what do you want

Miraitowa: just here to say I’m sorry

Someity: sorry for what? Ever since you cheated on me I never want to talk to you again

Miraitowa: I’ve already banished honohon

(Honohon: What the f**k…)

Someity: I can already guess where you’re going anyway, you don’t need my ass anymore

(Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!)

Miraitowa: but…

Someity: uhhhhhh BYE

(Someity has blocked you)

(Back to the real world)

Miraitowa: Alright here we go…

Burke: It’s not as severe as talking to Someity-

Miraitowa: SHUT UP!

Burke: The incident-

Miraitowa: LET ME CALL!

Honohon: Go Mirai!

Miraitowa: Here goes nothing… (calls for 2 seconds and hungs off immediately) Oh shit…

Honohon: What?

Miraitowa: I think I’m going to get canceled…

Tina: That’s because you lost against the NEXT-GEN!

Miraitowa: SHUT UP ABOUT THE NEXT-GEN BULLSH*T! I’m still active in charity projects in Tokyo!

Gliz: Maybe not anymore after this.

Burke

Miraitowa: A-ha! Mascotverse SMG4…

Borobi: Does the creator watches SMG4 lately mate?

Burke: I prefer watching 442oons…

Miraitowa: The return of a classic!

Burke: How so?

Miraitowa: Make a pole vault in a height of 41m!

Burke: What the f**k is a meter?

Miraitowa: Shit! Honohon, can you do the calculations?

Honohon: 134ft?

Burke: 134ft?! What’s my forfeit?

Miraitowa: Ahem… refrain from watching superhero movies for a month?

Burke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Miraitowa: Savage!

(To the outdoors!)

Cobi: I hope you guys have some high poles. Or should we go and ask the Australian Olympic Committee?

Borobi: You won the gold, you should know… and also the silver and the bronze.

Tina: But we only have the one. So can you guys just wait? 134ft is really high. I mean, it might reach the stratosphere if you try hard enough.

Burke: Alright here goes nothing…

(Burke gets pulled by Miraitowa)

Burke: What the…

Miraitowa: SAVAGE!

Burke: GET BACK HERE!

Cobi: I think Mirai’s gonna turn into a pancake…

Wenlock

Wenlock: Where’s Miraitowa?

Burke: He’s in time out, waiting for him to get canceled.

Wenlock: Hahahahahahah, classic.

Tina: So we can call him “default Olympic mascot” now?

Burke: Shhhh…

Miraitowa: I heard that!

Burke: Anyway, your challenge is… roast every Sidemascot!

Sacha: I’m out of here! (jumps out of a window, thankfully it’s only the first floor) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Burke: Oh I mean roast almost every Sidemascot.

Wenlock: My forfeit?

Burke: Another classic: Support the away team on your next home game!

Wenlock: Leicester?

Burke: Leicester!

Wenlock: But the fans will cancel me!

Burke: Yes, yes!

Miraitowa: Don’t worry, you won’t be in trouble as much as me.

Wenlock: Burke, you’re never original! Miraitowa, you’ll never get along with your old friend, Borobi, No one watches the AFL, Honohon, why would anyone care about the Asian games, Olympic Phryge, good idea, bad execution.

Sacha: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

Wenlock: NO NO NO-

(Wenlock was held hostage by Sacha later that day)

Borobi

Burke: Wear a Richmond guernsey for the rest of the video!

Borobi: Or…

Burke: Become a usable mop for a week!

Borobi: Game on mate! It’s just an AFL guernsey, what harm could it-

Tina: RUN!!!

(Everyone screams and runs)

Borobi: Oh.

Miraitowa: GET ME OUT OF HERE! I SMELL RICHMOND! RICHMOND!!!

Honohon

Burke: Ah, fresh air at the stadium!

Sacha: ooooooooooooooooooooooooh I can touch grass now!

Burke: Anyway, Honohon, your challenge is… beat FC25 Career Mode!

Honohon: Win the treble with a team from League 2? Sure!

Burke: With your hands tied together!

Honohon: What?!

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Sacha: Aliens!

Burke: Or have a dip on the water!

Everyone: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

Sacha: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!

Honohon: Fine, I’m going, I’m going… wait, am I allowed to do this with the PlayStation Access Controller?

Burke: Then it would be too easy!

(Everyone laughed)

Honohon: Fine! I’m going to take a shower anyway…

Olympic Phryge

Burke: Oly, survive 3 hours in cou- (Sacha points gun at Burke), okay, okay, okay, I mean survive in a ball pit at McDonald’s for 3 hours!

Olympic Phryge: Or?

Burke: We torture you and Sacha again.

Sacha: Let’s go Oly, to the ball pit at McDo!

Olympic Phryge: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Sacha

Burke: Oh wait she’s in the ball pit.

Paralympic Phryge

Burke: What do you mean she’s still unconscious on life support? What do you mean her heart stopped beating?! I’m going to ask Powder to make a genetic clone. Wait? You agree? Great! Editor, please cut this part please, or else this video would be taken down by Powder’s estate.

Tina: There’s an estate owned by Powder to take down any videos that features her publicly? Why don’t she admit it?

Gliz: Because Tom might found out duh

Tina: BUT TOM’S ARRESTED!

Cobi

Burke: Cobi, Apply to become the new mascot for FC Barcelona or take 50 laps around the stadium!

Cobi: Wait… didn’t Barcelona already has a mascot?

Burke: Yes, but it’s CURSED.

Everyone: CURSED?!

Burke: The club aren’t even aware of that yet…

Cobi: Me giving good luck to my home team? This is going to be easy...

(20 minutes of application later)

Cobi: Guys… I’ve got rejected.

Burke: Welp. GO GO GO YOU-

Hodori

Burke: Hodori? Hodori?! Hm? Goddamnit, another Mukbang video? How old is he? 10?

Hodori: Hey!

Burke: I’m calling a stand-in!

Tina: Which stand-in?

Burke: (calls Soohorang) Hey! Your uncle just did a stupid Mukbang video! Again! Can you do a challenge on his behalf?

Soohorang: What?! I’ve just finished my therapy!

Burke: Yeah sure, but can you binge watch Squid Game season 2 for us and try to explain the lore? Or you must join in your uncle’s next video, just so you know.

Soohorang: WHAT?! I HAVEN’T RENEWED MY NETFLIX SUBSCRIPTION SINCE 2022! AND I’VE SPENT ALL OF MY NEW ON BLACKPINK MERCHANDISE AND 2 WEEKS OF THERAPY!

Burke: You want to join his terrible mukbang videos or not?

Soohorang: Fine! But can you donate some money please?

Burke: NO!

Soohorang: Please give me time as I raise money please…

Burke: You only have 24 hours!

Soohorang: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Tina

Burke: Tina, since Sumi is in a brainrot rehab, and @softestlilotter doubt that he will succeed, maybe if you try and help him?

Tina: That’s not a challenge!

Burke: But difficulty: EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!

Tina: Pfffffft, how did you know?

Burke: Because I tried to convince similar brainrot kids and they never listen!

Tina: Oh come on, Sumi’s 22.

Burke: SUMI NEVER GROWS UP!

Tina: Fine. Can you give me Sumi’s address?

Burke: Sure, it’s only a 41 hour drive, no big deal.

Tina: Wait, what’s my forfeit?

Burke: Oh, the classic Italian torture device… pineapple on pizza?

Tina: *gasps* I’m going, I’m going…

Burke: Text me when you’re there!

Milo

Burke: Your challenge is… piggy-back Gliz to go a lap around the stadium! Without using your tail!

Cobi: I- I’m exhausted… (collapses)

Burke: Keep going Cobi! 38 laps to go!

Milo: Let me guess my forfeit…

Burke: I’ve already applied pineapple on pizza to your sister.

Milo: Oh. So?

Burke: You two have to binge-watch Sumi’s channel instead!

Milo: Whaaaaaaaaaa?

Gliz: Wait… aren’t Sumi’s channel being removed due to violating YouTube’s community guidelines?

Burke: I knew this was coming. So I downloaded all of them in advance! If you want your eyes to intact, then finish the challenge ffs!

Milo and Gliz: Okay, okay, we will…

(Transition)

Gliz: Are you worried that we’re going to step on Cobi who’s having a heart attack right now?

Milo: Nah, we’re in a different lane!

Gliz: I doubt it.

Milo: Hop on my ba- OW! I broke my only leg! Who agrees to this?

Burke: Whoops, it’s binge watching time!

Gliz and Milo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Milo: This is worse than pineapple on pizza!

Gliz: I would rather melting myself to death! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Burke: Oh. I guess they deleted Sumi’s YT channel for a reason.

Epilogue

Sacha: Guys, I’m back! Oly became coo-coo crazy with a bunch of kids but we managed to do it! I’m choosing Honohon for the torture!

Burke: Good timing! We ARE torturing Honohon!

Honohon: Who came up with this! I’m gonna die! And I still have a job at the mascot department to do!

Burke: Me lol

Honohon: I’m going to call Uzumin to cho-

(Honohon gets dropped into a large bucket of water)

Burke: Oh wait, I’ve received a text…

Milo: Is it my sister?

Burke: No, it’s from Soohorang, who just got brainwashed to make a collab with Hodori for a mukbang video.

Cobi: Wait what is Borobi doing there?

Borobi: I’ve got rid of the guernsey 30 minutes ago. I’d rather become a usable mop than being socialized!

Burke: Check this out!

Borobi: What the-

Burke: Burke’s Aussie Mop! It has the ability to turn the dirt down under! Use it for anything! Clean your table, your floor, it makes everything squeaky clean! Best of all, this is definitely NOT made of animal cruelty!

Gliz: That’s sounds like someone with animal cruelty would say-

Burke: Shut up! Buy it now for only $399! BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! Follow @scratchybongvt now and turn on notifications to get DOUBLE THE OFFER! (plus pay separate processing and handling)

Sacha: How can you get a similar koala actually-

Burke: Order no-

Milo: Does anyone know what’s going on with Tina? I’m worried…

(Meanwhile at Sumi’s house)

Tina: This thing looks… haunted. Hm?

(Saw Vinicius, looking… scared)

Tina: What’s wrong, Vini? You’re meant to help him rehab from all those brainrot videos, right?

Vinicius: Yes… but, but…

Tina: But what?

Vinicius: I CAN’T SAY IT, I CAN’T SAY IT!

Tina: Hm? (looks at the front door to his bedroom)

(Tina proceeds to open the door)

Tina: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Sidemascots will return next week

But not Tina…

#mascotverse #sidemascots #parody #miraitowa and someity #possibly controversial #the phryges #finish or forfeit

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gremlin-writes-angst · 10 months ago

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Scraps to a Tank

Chapter two

2.5 k words

Fandom: Redacted Asmr/Audio

TW/CW: Quinn in other words toxic, controlling, abusive relationship. nothing graphic. This is a Boxing/Fighting Au so there is fighting, i wouldn't consider it graphic, but everyone's different so read with your own discretion. Homelessness. Yelling.

Let me know if I missed a trigger or spelling mistake.

Please comment and reblog, it lets me know people like my stuff and encourages me to write more!!!!!!

Two months later

Honestly, Darlin was expecting this to be easier for them.

But two months had passed and David still wouldn't let them in a real ring.

It was more than frustrating.

Day after day, hour after hour they would fight the same two people.

And that was if David was feeling nice.

Most days it was just punching bags and lifting.

They were itching to do more.

To fight new people.

To fight in a ring.

In front of an audience.

The adrenaline from that was something they craved.

Even when it was staged, and they lost. Hearing the crowd's reaction. Feeling the blood dripping from their face. Feeling the sweat cover their body.

They were an addict.

And David was keeping them sober.

They were using their frustration to attack the punching bag. They weren't planning on stopping anytime soon.

" You don't seem too happy"

Darlin's new friend, sweetheart intersects. Sweetheart watches as they take off their gloves, seemingly done with their practice for the day.

Darlin huffs.

Sweetheart watches for a while. After a minute or two they look around, no one else is in the gym. So they propose an idea

" would you want to spare?"

Darlin stops punching the bag, excitement distracts them, barely stopping the bag before it could swing back.

Darlin takes a few large breaths, catching the lungs up.

Sweetheart starts strapping their gloves back on

" No one's here, you wouldn't get in trouble"

Sweetheart walks away, yelling to account for the distance as they climb into one of the rings

Darlin smirks grabs their water, and takes a large sip before practically skipping to the ring sweetheart resided in.

" I'm not worried about that"

Darlin climbs into the ring. Sweetheart cocks an eyebrow

"Oh, so what are you worried about then?"

Their voice drips with a taunting tone

Darlin bounces on their feet a little

"You. Not sure if you remember the last time we fought."

Sweetheart lets out a short but genuine laugh.

"Oh, I remember. I remember letting you win."

" so you're saying you let me headbutt you"

" yes, in fact, I told you so seconds before you did it"

" I don't recall that."

Darlin was lying, this was just a little friendly shit talk before a fight. To ramp them up, and it was working.

Both fighters were ready. They circled each other while holding eye contact.

They both knew the first swing would come at any moment.

Darlin planned to Strick first, but first, they gave one more small push with their words

" must be the hit you took."

Darlin felt the signals in their brain move to take action, a simple swing to sweetheart's left cheek. But before anything connected, a voice boomed from across the room

" What do you two think you're doing?"

David

Both fighters dropped their hands.

Darlin rolls their eyes as Sweetheart whispers an apology

Darlin doesn't let up though. They were tired of this

" What does it look like we were doing?"

They didn't dare call him any names but they really, really wanted to

" What it looked like was you two were about to fight. When you both know you're not supposed to."

Darlin shaped back

"And why's that? We're both awesome ass fighters, so why can't we have a little sprawl"

David looked to sweetheart. They knew the answer, at least their answer.

"You want to know?"

Darlin rolls their eyes and lets their head fall back in annoyance

"Yes. Are you even listening?"

David began to walk to his office

"Fine. Wash up a meet me in here"

Darlin's eyes lit up, and they immediately headed to his office. That was before David glared them down.

" I said to wash up first"

Darlin took a breath, holding back the anger they felt. They forced a tight smile and walked away and toward the locker room.

In minutes they were sitting in David's office. David sat at his desk. Darlin on the other side. Without saying anything David's turned the computer screen toward Tank

The screen shows a steady shot of two fighters.

Darlin and Asher.

Darlin remembers this fight, there wasn't anything special about the fight.

They just remember because David set up a tripod.

Being filmed didn't change how they fought.

It was a good fight. They lost but they always lost. But the fight still felt amazing.

So why film it?

It was like every other fight they had with Asher.

So why show them it?

David Interrupts their thoughts.

" I want you to pay attention to Asher. See how he fights from this perspective."

Darlin leaned back into the chair, already annoyed with this task

" I've seen Asher fight before."

David sighs

" I know, just- just watch the video"

They do as he says, though they're more focused on how intently David is watching them.

They felt belittled

He didn't trust them.

Not like he should

They really didn't see the point in watching a video when they saw Asher fight, I person about a hundred times now.

They figured if David was going to watch them so closely they might as well do as their told.

They focus on Asher, their fight is about halfway over at this point. At least that's what the recall. There's no indicator of who's winning yet. Just two fighters, fighting.

Then Asher laughs

He's known for his laugh

He's named after it.

Tank begins to roll their eyes at the obnoxious sound, it was pointless really.

But then they caught something.

Asher's body was practically split in two.

The side closer to Tank was moving one way. Fast, a clear attack.

But the other side was staying back just a little bit.

Darlin watched as they blocked Asher's first attack only to be thrown off and hit, square in the face by Asher's other hand.

Darlin remembers that.

He did that move a lot, but they never caught the pattern until now.

Because from the opponent's view, there is nothing to see.

It is invisible.

Tank is drawn in now.

Asher pulls the same trick over and over till he wins.

Though it is not the same, it is always a different move, a different combination. He has no clear dominant hand. No clear strategy. Not to the opponent at least. The only sign is that laugh.

It's a giveaway

But he still gets away with his sneak attack every time.

David watches as Tank's brain starts to pick at Asher's moves.

He glared door it but he's afraid their missing the big picture.

" Now watch you"

Darlin is actually interested now.

It's like their not even watching themselves because all they can think about is how stupid this fighter has to be, to fall for Asher's trick

David restarts the video

Darlin watches themselves very intensely. And yet they noticed nothing before the video ended

They were perfect. Practically at least. All their throws were strong, their timing was amazing, and their blocks were fast.

So what was wrong?

They looked to David

Hoping he'd help

Reluctantly he questioned

" What difference between the two of you."

"Well, Ashers did that thing."

"No. Not what you did differently. What is the difference between the two of you."

"Well, he is Asher and I'm Tank. We're different people."

David tries to relax, Tank was definitely his most frustrating trainee

" How are you two fighting, that is different?"

"Repeating the same question doesn't help. And we are both trained by you so nothing."

David looks into their eyes, he blinks. He's annoyed.

" Then why did he win? You are both trained by me and both lift the same amount, your strength is equivalent. Why did he win?"

" I.don't.know"

Tank wanted David to answer for them.

David refused to let that happen.

"Watch again. This time watch your chest and face. Ashers too."

Tank held eye contact with David.

David didn't back down either

" you'll watch this video until you figure it out."

Tank sighed before letting their eyes move back to the screen.

Once again the video played. And though they wanted to pay attention to the punching, they did as David said.

They watched their chest, move up and down consistently. They watched how fast they were breathing, how fast their chest reddened and covered in sweat. They looked over at Asher, it was completely different. He was still sweating but his breathing was slow.

They look back at themselves. They pay attention to their face, their eyes were rapid. Focused on Asher's arms.

Ashers were sharp, staying locked onto Tank's full body.

The video ended.

David asked again

" What is different between you and Asher?"

"We breathe differently."

They were proud to find the answer

" So?"

They weren't so proud anymore

"So what? The question was what was different. And now you're asking more."

" yes. I am. So why is the breathing important?"

" How the hell am I supposed to know. You are the teacher, you're supposed to tell me."

David doesn't reply, he waits for them to work it out

" So what if I'm fast, I move fast, so I breathe fast, s9 my eyes move fast."

"Why?"

It became too much too fast. They jumped out of the chair. They pushed past David and left the office

" I don't know David. God do you not understand that."

David followed the stubborn fighter out. He knew they were getting there.

" Fighters fight differently. So why does it matter if I was sweating more or if my eyes were watching his arms? Why was he watching my body? I mean the real question is why wasn't he paying attention to my arms? Why wasn't he fighting as hard as I was? Does he not see me as a real competitor? It's infiltrating. I'm good, maybe not perfect, but I'm a good fighter. It makes me so angry. How am I supposed to focus when I'm this fucking angry?"

They go quiet, fast. Then they mummer the last sentence again.

The realization makes them angrier

Their to fucking angry

“Fuck! It's cause I'm too angry. Right?

David's face confirmed exactly what they thought.

“I need to be angry David! That's all I have, it's all I have. I need it. I need it to be strong, it's how I live!”

David was a teacher

A great one

Because he cares

Even if it wasn't always obvious

But at this moment Tank could see it clearly

David stepped closer wanting to be some comfort

Tank stepped back.

They weren't scared

Not of David

Just what he was trying to do

As much as they wanted to turn around and run away, never returned.

David was right

He always was

And they were in the best position they've ever been in their life.

They were stronger and still learning

They were surrounded by people who wanted that

Who helped them both as a fighter and a person

They were surrounded by friends

They didn't notice when tears started to flood their eyes

They refused to notice the tears

They got quieter

They don't remember the last time they were this vulnerable

Or just vulnerable

“It's how I got away David”

David stayed still

He could understand to an extent

They needed to be heard

He knew any interruptions could make them run.

so he stayed still.

“I can't let the anger go, as soon as I do I'm done. So don't, don't tell me that the problem.”

David let the silence settle

Tank sniffled

When David felt it was safe he spoke

“ You don't have to let it go”

Tank scoffs

“ You don't. How badly do you want this? To be a fighter, a great fighter?”

The energy in the room shifted

“I need it, David”

Tank's voice was almost desperate. David knew they wanted to say more but something stopped them.

“ Then you have to listen to me. Don't let go of your anger, it will be useful. Store it, let it build. Let it build and use it when needed. You don't need to be angry at Milo, Asher, or sweetheart. You need to save that anger for a real fight, when your dignity is on the line when your opponent doesn't see you as a worthy opponent. For now, you store it. While you learn how to fight without it.”

For a minute the tension in the gym was suffocating.

Then Tank laughed and smiled at David

“That's the Best advice you've ever given”

David's lips lifted, just enough for Tank to consider it a smile

“Thanks, my dad said something similar when I was young. So it's mostly his advice.”

“ don't sell yourself short, David.”

“You're one to talk.”

The two stood there with partial grins. The conversation was over, it was clear to both of them yet no one was leaving.

David was expecting Tank to leave, everyone else was gone, and the gym was officially closed

“Do you need something else?”

David asked with his normal amount of annoyance in his voice

“No”

Tank answered

“ then you are free to go”

Tank's face changed to one of realization, though David thought it to be one of exhaustion

Tank finally looked away and made their way toward their bag. Once they grabbed it they headed to the door.

David right behind to lock it after they left.

Tank grabbed the handle and pulled before letting go and spinning around rather quickly.

“ David, I don't want to leave”

David was reaching his limit for the day, he didn't want to play any more games with Tank.

“Too bad, I'm kicking you out, go home.”

David reached around and opened the door for Tank. The cold hit him quickly as he stood outside waiting for Tank.

But they just stood there

“That's the thing, David, I don't have a home.”

Even though they had a strange lightheartedness, almost joking tone to their voice. David was fast to take this confession seriously. He slowly walked back in allowing the door to close

Intimidated and scared, Tank backed further into the building and started to overshare

“Ive been staying here. I don't use anything that's not mine. I just sleep.”

David held down his distaste about Tank staying before asking. He wanted to focus on the fact that they were in need.

“You can continue to stay here, just make sure you clean up before anyone shows up. And for future reference don't ever do shit like that behind my back.”

“ Of course, the first time it was an accident. Still sorry for not asking. I don't really make enough to pay you what I should but I do have some-”

“ no, I don't need your money Tank.”

“But I-”

“You staying here doesn't change how much rent or utilities cost, that is as long as you aren't taking extra showers or anything. So I don't need the money, you just save up while you stay here so that you can get a place.”

“Thanks, David”

“Yeah, no problem. Ive got some paperwork to do in my office. I'll lock up now and say goodbye before I go.”

#redacted asmr #redactedverse #fanfic #redacted darlin #redacted angst #redacted audio #redacted quinn #redacted fanfic #redacted david #redacted au #redacted milo #redacted asher #boxing #fighting #redacted sweetheart

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utilitycaster · 5 months ago

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I HAVE VEILGUARDED. everything below the cut for spoiler reasons. I will also say to the anon I shut down earlier (again, me not you!) that I do intend to do a second run because I had a marvelous time, I would really love to do the Dock Town quests and explore Neve's other options (and romance her, frankly) and check out some of the other companion options (honestly I'd be open to almost all of them except for Lichdom. sorry I refuse to leave Manfred dead and I'm correct.) and maybe this time I'll actually solve the stupid wisp puzzles and get all the chests and uhhhhh maybe even play on Easy mode instead of Easier Than Easy mode (because lbr my equipment does not matter a ton because. story mode.)

because I am a good girl and did all the quests everyone lived. I also accidentally got the best ending, because Rook in this run is a romantic and optimistic person. This is funny to me because I am god's greatest hater and so I am ROLEPLAYING a character who is like yeah inquisitor go be with your boyfriend who looks like a stupid egg. I did have the Diet Essence Of Mythal but I've been informed the secret even better ending only hits if you know other past characters, which I don't, so whomst cares!

Takes on characters from previous games in brief. Obviously Harding is great. Solas gets his happy ending and that is FINE I guess. Generic Default Inquisitor Lavellan is like. again Rook is like "do what makes you happy but I am like DUMP HIM. which means that while Morrigan is very "I say things in a portentous voice that are extremely obvious" to me, her deep and abiding hater tendencies towards Solas do it for me. Obviously Varric is great as well. Dorian and Mae? Great (unsure if Mae is in previous games but anyway, love her). Not sure who else is a returning character but I think that covers the bulk of it.

This is very out of order but: because no one died other than of course Davrin in the Isle of the Gods, the pay respect for the dead scene is unintentionally really fucking funny to me, a person who has had to go into morgues for professional reasons. Literally like I walk into a morgue where I know zero people. I walk out. I pass Teia and Viago flirting aggressively as an archdemon ravages Minrathous. I continue.

The final conversations are really good; blighted Neve is of course horrifying but she gets better and her nailpolish, crucially, is not chipped. This is HILARIOUS to me. The final romance line with Bellara is lovely. The ending conversations are all really good but Taash's and Emmrich's were my favorite outside of Bellara's. My girlfriend and I are going to hang out with griffons and she's going to write so much fanfiction about us and it will be unhinged.

Hilarious and sexy of me to wear the appearance of the shadow dragons armor I got literally in like. Shadows of Minrathous or something. the entire fucking time. You can see it in the screenshots and I assure you it's only for the vibes (deep V neck and sick chest tats), I am actually in +8 Warden Champion full plate armor and wearing some wild-ass helm (I did not at any point hide the appearance of my shield. even when I was using the gaudiest gold one that looks like a shell from the lords of fortune. I eventually got a very sick-ass Mourn Watch shield). But it does feel really funny to like, pick Treviso, send Neve to the shadow realm, and wear this armor the full time. I literally didn't see Tarquin for like 2.5 acts.

Elger'nan's first form is weak to necrotic damage. I took Taash and Lucanis. I am fully statted out as a reaper. I have an AOE that does over a thousand necrotic damage. genuinely it was a comedy, I triggered the cut scene where Neve goes to the throne and wrests control so Solas can kill the archdemon almost immediately. Second battle was harder but also level 50 story mode so it was FINE.

I do think a Trick Solas ending would be fun; fighting him seems like it would just kind of suck but like. It's funny I actually really did feel grateful after Blood of Arlathan and then after he stuck me in the mind prison I was like FUCK THIS GUY FOR REAL even after he helped us through in the endgame and killed the archdemon.

Lords of Fortune continue to be hilarious to me. There's a codex that's very BY OUR POWERS COMBINED right before the final assault on Minrathous that I described thusly:

Then in the final scene before the narration the Lords are pulling people out of the wreckage. Imagine you're in a world-ending fight during an eclipse with wild-ass mood lighting and you are trapped under rubble as a horrifying blight tentacle monster rages above and then it all stops and THEN someone in a gold bikini helps you up.

In all seriousness the fact that the Mourn Watch and Lords of Fortune don't come up in the final narration does have me like. yeah whoever wrote their faction quests should have worked harder. I know the mourn watch is largely unscathed because there's no point blighting the undead but like, idk, I feel there could have been more venatori work there that tied into Zara's whole deal, and the Antaam or Wardens ties to Rivain could have been more thoroughly explored. Taash and Emmrich's companion questlines are fantastic but even playing Mourn Watch and loving the build and the vibe, I was like hmmmm this is underserved.

Second hater moment: loved the song over the credits but it felt jarring as hell to have a modern sound here. stick to the hans zimmer. this reminds me, I should listen to the soundtrack because as my Midst Mutuals can attest I am literally the worst at noticing themes. I know Harding's and Emmrich's because I really like them and like, I vaguely recall Lucanis's because it's got accordion elements but otherwise I'm like uhhhhh if it's not the main theme or the Solas theme I'm confused.

I also realized that hilariously, if you like Neve or Lucanis but are ok with romancing someone else (and I very much am) it's actually kind of great to fuck over their city because then you feel justified in taking them out on every single mission to try to up your bond level.

Finished with Lucanis, Harding, and Bellara fully level 10 and everyone else level 9 (including Davrin, RIP); I do wonder how you can get everyone to 10. I might have assigned some quests badly but also like, 9 ain't bad.

anyway feel free to ask questions; this was great and I'm so happy I did it.

#m guards the veil #datv spoilers

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tache-noire · 1 year ago

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im gonna complain about the tiktokification of cosplay for a bit

i have 2 main issues with this

1: it's FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE to just find still images of people's cosplays anymore! everyone's just making goddamn lipsynch videos with seizure-inducing cuts and effects on them! I can't see the work you've done, how something was put together, how your wig was styled, your props and makeup, etc!!!!!

1.5: this extends to tutorials too! fucking stop with the 3 part tutorials that spend 5 seconds on each step and literally just amount to "sew a costume! you're done!"

2: Because the main way people show off their cosplays now is through social media instead of at conventions (I used to see extremely elaborate cosplayers at anime conventions ALL THE TIME, now it's mostly casual to mid-level cosplay-- which is not a dig at them at all, just listen to me for a second), I seriously feel like the art of balancing quality with long-term wearability is dying. You are not wearing that heavy ass wig constructed from 4 other wigs, a full face of makeup, a tight vinyl costume, and platform stilettos FOR 8 HOURS AT A CONVENTION, don't bullshit me. All I see are cosplays built to be worn for maybe 30 minutes of filming a 2 minute video.

2.5: AGAIN, TUTORIALS. I DON'T NEED TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE A FRAGILE ART PIECE, I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO MAKE A PROP THAT I CAN CARRY OR SHOVE IN MY BAG AND PROBABLY GET BUMPED INTO SEVERAL TIMES. WHERE ARE YOUR POCKETS MY GUY. HOW ARE YOU HANDLING VENTILATION AND OVERHEATING IN THAT COSTUME THAT COVERS YOUR HEAD AND HANDS AND FEET AND MOST OF YOUR SKIN.

#cosplay

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saturdaynightghostclub · 4 months ago

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Toady’s 2024 Book Awards!

I’m obviously not a BookToker, but I do love watching everyone’s reading wrap-up videos and I want to be included, so here are my 2024 reading superlatives!

(Obviously my opinion is my opinion, if you love a book I hated or vice versa then I love that for you)

Total books read: 46

Top genres: Literary, fantasy, classics

Average rating: 3.98

DNFed: 11 (your girl’s a quitter)

Most Surprising: Just Kids by Patti Smith

I’m not a huge fan of Patti Smith’s music, so I didn’t expect to care much about her memoir when it was recommended to me; the thing is though, Patti really doesn’t seem to think of herself as a musician. She’s a deeply flawed individual whose choices I frequently balked at, but who possesses the unique ability to contextualize her own story within a moment in time. 5/5.

Most Disappointing: The Lost Story by Meg Shaffer

Dear fucking god, I hated every second of this. The premise had serious potential, but it was offset by half-assed characterization, clunky dialogue, and baffling narrative and stylistic choices. This is maybe the meanest thing I’ve ever said about a book, but I swear it’s out of love because I truly think this could have been great: this is a classic example of typing versus writing. Meg Shaffer typed an entire book without writing a single thing. I beg you: step away from the thesaurus, read your sentences out loud, and learn how to write a whole person without depending on outside factors to define them for you. 2.5/5.

Wildest Ride: Long Island Compromise by Taffy Brodesser-Akner

This filled the Succession-shaped hole in my heart. I could not have put it down if you’d paid me, which wasn’t surprising considering Brodesser-Akner’s track record. This is an author who knows how to grip you, and while she has you she’ll make sure you’re laughing. It’s genuinely so hard to be funny in writing, but she always manages to make me crack up while simultaneously showing me the most vile, embarrassing, horrifying aspects of humanity. 4.75/5.

Most Controversial: The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw

Okay hear me out. I hated this, but not because it was bad. It wasn’t bad, the premise and plot were interesting and I was impressed that Khaw was able to pace the novella so efficiently, especially because horror tends to want more context than that format allows. The thing I hated (and I do seem to be the only one, so forgive me) was the prose. Every single sentence reminded me of those “Things That Sound Like They Came From the Bible But Actually Came From Tumblr” posts, and while a lot of people seem to enjoy that style of writing, I found it to be completely bogged down in itself. Untangling the mess of adverbs was so tedious that I almost couldn’t follow the plot, and what sucks is that the over-writing really served no purpose. 2.5/5.

I Feel Like I’m Taking Crazy Pills: The Book of Doors by Gareth Brown

I have never felt so gaslit by a book in my entire life. The bookish internet would have you believe that this is top-tier worldbuilding, characterization, etc etc etc but I am here to tell you that the entire thing is ass. I couldn’t actually believe how ass it was. And still I see people putting this on their “Best of 2024” lists as if it was anything but shit from a butt. Rated 3/5 stars for the “twist” at the end, but honestly this is a 1-2 star book.

Best Contemporary: The Book of Love by Kelly Link

This did not work for everyone. That’s completely understandable. Parts of it were questionable to me too. However. I was so gripped by Link’s writing style, her depth of character, and the freaky, uncanny charm of the world she’d created that I forgive the more depraved parts of the plot in what I think is a testimony to the fact that, in writing, craft matters. This book pulled me into itself by force; it had been a long, long time since I’d been so engrossed, and I immediately felt like a little kid again, reading late into the night even though I knew I’d be a mess the next day. 5/5.

Best Classic: Stoner by John Williams

This book put words to feelings I didn’t know there was even language to express. I’m stunned that it’s not considered a foundational text in the canon of English literature; having read it, I feel like I can trace the origins of everything from The Holdovers to The Secret History. 5/5.

My Favorite, But: The Ministry of Time by Kaliane Bradley

Okay so the writing is occasionally cringe, yes. Also, it’s weird that the love interest is a real historical figure. Totally. The main character is irredeemable for sure, and the ending is wack. Every single critique of this book is completely valid and I don’t disagree with any of them. And also this is hands-down my favorite book of the year. Nothing I’ve read since has compared, it was like a super-intense dopamine hit that I’ll never be able to attain again. It’s wildly smart, painfully self-aware, genre-defying, and somehow it also manages to be extremely fun and sexy. This may not be your favorite book, but if nothing else it will keep you on your toes. 5/5.

Honorable mentions: Fleishman is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner, The Orchard by David Hopen, The Talented Mr. Ripley by Patricia Highsmith, Where Angels Fear to Tread by E.M. Forster, Erasure by Percival Everett, and The Heart in Winter by Kevin Barry

Dishonorable mentions: The Magicians trilogy by Lev Grossman, The Bellwether Revivals by Benjamin Wood, Graveyard Shift by M.L. Rio, and Magic for Liars by Sarah Gailey

#i love to talk and i want to be included #the booktokers the booktubers and toady too if it’s not too much trouble thanks guys #there were so many books this year that were just not memorable i’m afraid #but these ones stood out for whatever reason enjoy mwah!#toady talkin

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cerastes · 1 year ago

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HG be like: "my new boss boobbo bear, who steals DP from you to deploy their own units on the tiles around them every 12.5 seconrds, and if they are blocked they steal SP from the operator blocking them to deal 5 instances of true damage to everyone around them in a 2.5 block radius with damage dminishing based on length but also when they hit 50% hp they enter phase 2 where they steal SP from every operator on the map to do a map wide explosion and become unblockable and continue to steal SP in a 3x3 square around them and every time they let off an explosion they gain a shield that reflects 300% damage taken that lasts for 12 seconds an

Nah, they make good bosses, mostly, the game’s enemy info screen just sucks ass and it becomes worse when they start using Fancy Names for abilities and then refusing to concisely explain the abilities.

#xoyvsstuffs

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 1 year ago

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The theme song to "My Gym Partner's A Monkey"

One must consider when crafting a theme song that it needs to truly set a show up, and has it ever been done better than in the CN classic My Gym Partner's a Monkey?

I used to go to a human school, where everyone was the same. But, now I go to an animal school, cuz Lyon's my last name.

Thus speaks Adam Lyon, are charming and charismatic protagonist. He delivers the premise to the show in such a succinct and yet incredibly detailed way; we truly get a feeling for the sort of world he inhabits based on these opening lines alone.

But then the entire song is pulled down by this exchange:

Bullshark, porcupine, I don't know what. Going to this school's a pain in the - Adam! What? I was gunna say "neck". Oh, well that's okay then.

Obviously, the clear rhyme choice here would be "butt." But for some reason, Jake Spidermonkey, known ass enthusiast, interrupts the song (or should I say "butts in") to keep the lyrics clean? After the first lines went to such great lengths to establish the tone and setting, it's genuinely depressing to see this blatant character ASS-assination of Jake. He would not fucking say that.

Anyway they say "monkey" 21 times in the course of forty seconds so I give it a 2.5/5.

#ford analyzes tunes and song stuff #FATASS #my gym partner's a monkey

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gojonanami · 1 year ago

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would it be fine if I go ahead and write a long ass speech on why prof geto is so attractive to me?

I'm hoping it is. And hence (feel free to ignore this, please) --

Look. In a world full of "high value men" (by that I mean rich and smart basically) who are seeking a feminine women who'd cook for them and do all the household task for them without a second thought or complain, professor geto helped me revive my trust. How?

So look. As a woman myself, I'm a hustler. I have big dreams. I have a long term vision. And the kind of men I'm attracted to are the ones who can keep up with me and my mental and emotional frequency (basically prof geto - fit ✅ mature ✅ rich ✅ don't come at me for being materialistic, I hold myself to these standards so it's only fair to do for that one person I'll be spending the most time of my life with) but apparently, such men (atleast that I know of irl and on social media) are into more "gender roles" saturated relationships.

I literally had one of my friends telling me "I don't care if she earns, as a male it's my job to provide so I don't care. If she does then good for her, but I don't want that interrupting all the household works. I need her to be feminine." "She needs to do the cooking, it's more women suited." And it kinda hurts? Specially if it's coming from someone i actually find inspiring?! Like do you think being feminine is all about cooking and birthing? Imagine working all your teenage and twenties to build and empire and your life partner just doesn't respect or care about it? Imagine earning as much as him but when you come home you gotta cook while he can chill because "gender roles". Huh? Not acceptable to me.

But it's fine I suppose, everyone has different needs. And the way they assign their ideal types fits into those needs, besides it's only meant for 1 person out of the 8 billion, but it can become concerning when the kind of men you are into expect you to be a certain way (which is suppressing for you. I mean sure, if that's what you want I can do it to make you happy but it'd make me miserable. Absolutely miserable. And I was trying to think of contradictions and convincing arguments on why women who are independent and more "masculine" ; because being a hustler and "too" career oriented is that apparently, still attractive.) And then I opened Tumblr and saw your posts.

🧍🏻‍♀️well.

*sobs* prof geto would neverrrr

And then I got my assurance that there still are men out there who'd appreciate it and find my (context : materialistic) success inspiring! Who'd be attracted to my brains basically ( ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)⁠☞

For whom, having the quality of a traditional wives isn't one of the top priority, they'd build relationships on something as core of a value as love. That not all men are stupid and realise the "duties division" in a relationship isn't as crucial as finding "love" in itself is. That finding love and someone compatible is more important and then other issues such as who does what can be divided as per convenience later on.

So yes. In conclusion. Thank you for blessing my life with this assurance and prof geto, Sabina. I was so disturbed and seeing your blog on my feed and getting reminded of prof geto did calm me down in the click of a finger. Pardon me if this was too long, not something you like to talk about, too vague (which I suppose it was, because the conversation with my colleague that I'm talking about was 2.5 hours long lol 😭). Feel free to not reply to this.

🤩 anon.

ahhh no I completely feel this �� I’m so glad prof geto could give you some hope!! I wanna say there’s someone like this out there — and even if not, we can be as kind as prof geto is to ourselves 💕🥹

there shouldn’t be any duties division based on gender when it comes to love — it should be on the person’s capabilities and strengths and convenience like you said!! I’m glad this silly story could be a source of hope for you!! 💕😭 it means so much

#sab [asks]#sab [anons]#sab series [prof suguru]

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sillygoofychampion · 10 months ago

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I think this take is so ass. Not only have I never seen someone say it’s “unintellectual” but I also think it’s just being dense on purpose. A good, thick chunk of romance in media is nothing but goopy filler in which nothing of substance is brought to the table. 1 male and 1 female are in the same room together for 2.5 seconds and all the sudden they’re in love. The ENTIRE story would not be changed an iota and it often times would actively be better if the romance was just….left out.

Also! As an aromantic, this post just seems…silly as hell. I’m glad romance is fundamental, to you, but it’s not for everyone. And certainly not everything is about romantic love or has to be. Hell, romance is fun! I’ve dated for fun. My special interest is dating games, one in particular but I play many!!! I’ve enjoyed romantic fan arts since I was little. But it’s not everything nor does it have to be.

Just because most media includes romance, does not mean that it’s good and awsome and needs to be the case every time. It’s fucking boring and annoying that romance is always the b plot. It can actively take away from the story, it often lacks true substance, and the implication that romance always needs to happen is just not true. There are plenty of people who just…don’t feel romance. And we’re doing wonderful.

Last but not least on the “not paying enough attention” part….do you know how to read..? Not as in just reading words, but it seems you’ve forgotten that art is an interpretative activity? 20 people sit down to read a book, all of them from wildly different backgrounds, and even though there might be a common consensus everyone’s going to have a different interpretation. That’s…the joy and fun in art. That anyone can look at art and take something different from it. What’s this desire to just boil everything down to one base meaning that doesn’t actually mean all that much to a good chunk of people?

i think it is funny, that romance is seen as such an unintellectual and superficial thing to write about. because it is so fundamental to us. to want to love and be loved. if you don't think every great work of literature. philosophy. metaphysics. was ultimately about romance. i don't think you were paying enough attention.

#writing #aromantic #art #this takes always killed me #because art is fun and awsome #romance can be fun and awsome #this makes both of those things less fun and awsome and more awkwardly forced

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ebullientclouds · 7 days ago

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top 5 zb1 albums (there are only five)

1. cinema paradise <- best thing ever made.

good so bad: 10/5 best song ever made

kill the romeo: 5/5 That romeo is DEAD by the time this songs over. by ME.

the sea: 3.5/5 i like it a lot its fun we dont hear 5th gen bring back that 1st gen sound enough

insomnia: 5/5 one of the songs you put on to get ppl into the group. to show they have good music. good ass song

road movie: 4/5 love this song. weird not not too weird. rap parts are a little eh at times

eternity: 5/5 feels like a breath of fresh air my favorite slower song by them by FAR

yura yura kor ver: 5/5 YURA YURA BABY BABY YURA YURA BABY BABY

overall average: 5.36 (gsb bias lol)

2. blue paradise <- incredible crazy run.

blue: 4.5/5 i had to warm up to it a bit i thought it was just okay at first. now i love it

devil game: 5/5 Holy shit bro. so freaking good. can they make more songs like this

doctor doctor: 5/5 gagged everyone theres a reason its the only song all of zb1 agree on

out of love: 6/5 My second favorite zb1 song after gsb. Hao we love u

step back: 4/5 good song groovy we love u ricky

cruel: 3.5/5 i like it its fun but its def on the same tier as the sea

overall average: 4.67 very consistently great

3. melting point <- also incredible crazy run.

melting point: 3.5/5 i like this but its very okay

take my hand: 4/5 just a good ass song

crush: 5/5 i fucking love you crush. no one can take that away from me....

kidz zone: 4/5 solid ass song

good night: 3/5 not my favorite ballad but its good

overall average: 3.9 solid album

4. youth in the shade <- putting this at number 4 feels criminal but theres literally only 5 spots sorry

back to zerobase: 5/5 amazing song like actually goated song. so perfect

in bloom: 6/5 amazing beautiful right up there with out of love. so fucking good. jesus.

new kidz on the block: 2/5 i did NOT like this at first at all. honestly just a mid asf song. i only like it cuz i listened to it a lot

and i: 2.5/5 also kind of mid but i like it enough to enjoy it

our season 2.5/5 can be a little emotional at times i like it enough

always: 5/5 WE LOVE U HAO!!!

overall average: 3.83 has high peaks and mid lows

5. you had me at hello <- 100% the weakest one here and its all solar powers fault

solar power: 1/5 i do not like this song and i skip it most of the time

feel the pop: 4/5 did not like it at first but it grew on me immensely. i felt the pop

dear eclipse: 4/5 good ass song

sweat: 3.5/5 it was the first zb1 song i heard and i like it but it can get tiring

sunday ride: 3/5 i like it

hello: 2/5 i dont rly care about it but it has its moments

overall average: 2.92

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ru-bwee · 9 months ago

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bwees post of playing dress 2 impress (edited livetime maybe?) ive played this game for one round before with some of my friends and i got second place so i feel 2% ready to get my ass kicked in fashion by a bunch of little kids

ROUND 1 THEME:CLEAN GIRL WTF IS A CLEAN GIRL

will add an image of my outfit here when all is done placement: 6 but thats ok i had no idea what a clean girl was round 2: ROBLOX AVATAR THIS IS THE ONE I GOT 2ND ON LETS GOOO

guest girl :) placement: i got 7th im hopping servers cause everyone here is spamming 1 star

round 2.5: I JOINED LATE BUT THE THEME WAS LATE TO SCHOOL. I FORGOT TO ADD A SKIN COLOR.

round 3: RETRO STYLE.. SO RETRO!

4th! not bad

round 5: fitness. going to be so buff.

placement: 3 way tie at 11 stars i fall over and die

lsat round...? round 4 theme: FAMILY REUNION

i have taken initiative by dressing as a fancy grandma.

I CRASHED IM NEVER GONNA KNOW WHERE GRANDMA WOULDVE PLACED

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dumuzithemessiah · 9 months ago

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Black people aren’t just victims they do and can horrible shit + truth about the ancient past

^ “Children accused of witchcraft may be subjected to violent exorcism rituals by African Pentecostal-Charismatic pastors who mix Christianity with African witchcraft beliefs. Such exorcism may include incarceration, starvation, being made to drink hazardous substances or even being set on fire with gasoline. In other cases accused children are expelled and end up living on the streets, are trafficked and in some instances they are killed.”

People cry about white people but at least they don’t murder people anymore and accuse others of being witches!

Every race has bad people! There is no fucking victim race! Black people often act like hypocrites, commit loads of crimes as much as white people maybe even more, cry and baw calling others racist like the boy who cried wolf out of reasons of not getting their way with someone, and many just plain act hateful and spread hate!

You black people are no better than any other race! No one who owned slaves is even alive anymore! So the term cracker? Is very racist so shut the hell up! You black people don’t like people being prejudice towards you but you give other people the reason to be such as you act ant-cop, intolerant to anyone who isn’t a member of your race, violent and hateful, commit arson, claim someone who fucking pointed a gun at a white pregnant woman’s stomach threatening to kill her and her unborn baby as some kinda “angel”?

George Floyd was no “angel” he was a criminal and humans don’t even look like yazata or tenshi so shut the fuck up with your actual racist bullshit!

My kind aka yazata aka gods/goddesses? We don’t appreciate you comparing your human asses to our species! We are nothing like you humans! At all! We’re literally 2’0”-2’7” height wise 2.5-4.5 pound wise anthropomorphic bipedal felines with wings, a mane, and a Y shaped tail! Our gender standards are the reverse of humans! We’re also obligated carnivores showing how stupid humans are for spreading such intolerant lies about my kind!

Christianity is a big fat hatepig religion full of lies, death threats, genocidal ways, and no one is entitled to a belief that spreads nothing but war, hate, evil energy, murder, genocide, and lies! Evil energy damages the Kosmos and if humanity isn’t wiped out from existence the Kosmos will explode and that would destroy the Universe and damage other universes nearby! You humans are qnd have proven to be nothing but hateblind and have done nothing but murder for your man made religions as Islamism is a close second major problem! And your shitty New Testament only exists to brainwash more lives into believing your hateful wicked evil religion of lies!

As a god it’s justifiable that I feel this way as other deities feel the same way and you humans have proven to be a threat to all other lifeforms! Zillions and counting are dead because of you hateful bloodthirsty bastards! You humans will get what you deserve on J-Day and that will be the Big E well earned!

You have until J-Day to redeem yourselves and wake up from your delusions and do the right thing and stop worshipping lies! Real gods and goddesses do not approve of the evil actions humanity has committed during their long history!

The Fell Goddess Ishtayr aka the reincarnation of The Great Evil Herself is the only one who approved of all evil actions! And she’s a selfish evil messed up individual who commited genocide, spread hateful lies, did the grape to me without the g, forced me into a marriage I did not want as guess what? I love Marduk! His name is pronounced Mar-duke! Sumerians wrote nothing but lies about my kind thousands of years after the majority of my kind left! Ishtayr also tortured and burned me and ripped my right eye out! She also attacked my children I had with Marduk! Everyone on Nibiru hates her as she is a traitor!

You know Pit and Dark Pit from Kid Icarus? Two gods who match their description kinda exist! There names are Qupit and Yorupit! They are my youngest children with Marduk as my kind? We can same sexually reproduce! We’re either gay or rarely bi with no one heterosexual as that cannot occur in higher advanced species! Qupit has red pink mane like me with off black eyes and Yorupit has a black mane with red eyed! What makes Qupit similar to Pit is he got hurt really bad when he got attacked in an ancient city called Hell! That is the source for the fake Hell you Christards try to claim anyone that you hate or is different from you goes to because you Christians aren’t loving but the most hateful group of humans on Earth!

I only took my children there to pick blood nectarines from the orchard surrounding the evil city! There was nothing but evil and everyone was heterosexual in that city so guess what homophobes? Heterosexuality is the sexuality prone to doing evil! When those humans attacked my kids I lost it and burned down the entire city using dark fire and took my kids home to Kohora! Kohora is our word for the real Underworld which is more of a surreal magical paradise like Nibiru! It can be lived in as it isn’t just a place where dead things go but just another place for Nibirians to live in!

Anyone in the city of Hell who saw the dark fire I spread though turned to stone and the gods and goddesses hid the burned down city in another dimension to prevent others from discovering the ruins!

So anyone of any race I give you my warning: If you fail to redeem yourselves you will be killed body and soul on Judgement Day as humanity had no future anymore because of all the evil actions they have committed since they existed!

Your ancestors were the evil elves that betrayed my kind for wicked reasons of wanting to spread hate, lies, murder, genocide, and war! The only evil elves left are Earl and Aeva! Rest of the elves today are good! Elves have Nibirian like body types so big head, big eyes, small noses, long pointy ears, petite chests, thin arms and legs, and they share the same gender standards as Nibirians! So reverse gender standards!

Males = Magical, pretty, cute, and beautiful.

Females = Tough, macho, burly, and strong.

#Truth #nibiru #wake up #warning #future #blackpeoplecandobad #Gods #goddesses

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