#and then ended up doing most of the *writing* while listening to vixx

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

Kairi and Keichiiro, M with “Color and Light” from Sunday in the Park with George. (Quick Summary of the song, George is painting obsessively and doesn’t really notice anything outside of what he’s doing, and Dot (his girlfriend) is getting ready for a night out, kind of feeling inadequate, and it just slowly morphs into them admiring each other without the other noticing) maybe Keichiiro obsessing over a case with Kairi kinda feeling like he’s not good enough? But with a happy end??

M is for music. The song is “Color and Light,” and can be found on Spotify or YouTube.

Anon, I’m going to assume that you don’t know how much I love Sondheim, or for that matter how much I love both Mandy Patinkin and Bernadette Peters, but I’d like you to know that this prompt has brought me a great deal of joy.

Children are missing, and Keiichiro’s barely slept in a week.

They can’t prove it’s kaijin-related. Technically, his strike team doesn’t need to be involved. Technically this is a case for local law enforcement. But there are just enough little signs and tantalizing hints that every instinct he has screams, monsters, and he can’t stop. He goes out and interviews people, he looks at the scenes of disappearances. There’s a map on the wall at headquarters with colored pins--red for still missing, yellow for disappearances with promising hints, green for children now found, white for the few incidents that turned out to be misunderstandings.

So many of the pins are red.

He has three unopened texts from Kairi, and a missed call. He knows he should read the texts and listen to the voicemail, that he should eat something solid, that he should lie down. But children are missing.

He paces in front of the map and its pins. Red, red, red, white, red, green, red, yellow, green, red, white. There’s a pattern. He knows there’s a pattern. If only he could see it.

Kairi’s probably worrying. He should text back.

Director Hilltop says, “Keiichiro, you need to go home and get some rest.”

“Not yet,” he says, staring at the pins. “I think I’ve almost got it.”

He glances at his phone again. Three unopened texts, one missed call and attendant voicemail. Kairi deserves better than this, really, he deserves someone who’ll pay attention to him. Keiichiro will have to apologize later.

But right now--right now he’s almost got it.

--

If Keiichiro doesn’t reply to him soon, Kairi’s considering resorting to sending nudes.

Of course, he doesn’t know if Keiichiro’s even looked at the other texts; his phone isn’t even set up to send read receipts. Maybe he’s leaving Kairi on read, or maybe he’s not opening them at all, and honestly Kairi’s not sure which one is worse. And then he is, because being left on read is awful, but not nearly as bad as being ignored completely. Even if it’s for a good reason, even if it’s to save lives.

it feels selfish to say, or even think, but sometimes it sucks being in a relationship with someone who’s so dedicated to the whole saving people thing.

The thought coalesces into something more selfish, and also worse in other ways: it sucks being in a relationship with someone special. He’s done good stuff of his own, sure, but Keiichiro’s so good he practically glows.

The thought of that glow, at least, is warming. So Kairi doesn’t feel much better, but he does flop back on Keiichiro’s couch, bite his own lips until they’re red, and take a selfie, which he sends to Keiichiro with the caption, [u gotta come home eventually babe].

--

Keiichiro feels his phone buzz, but he’s in the middle of a revelation, so he doesn’t check it right away. Instead he says, “I think--” and cuts himself off as he draws lines between red pins, between red and yellow, between yellow and white. Tsukasa’s over his shoulder adding in lines of her own, Jim Carter’s running analyses so fast that he’s buzzing, Sakuya’s on the phone with the local people. Director Hilltop looks just as exhausted as he feels, but smiles anyway.

He figures it out. He knows where the missing kids are. They know where the missing kids are.

He says, “Let’s get going.”

Tsukasa says, “Nope. We’re going. You’re going home.”

“What? No, I’m going with you.”

“If you try to come with us you’ll collapse, you’ve been here for three days and you’ve barely been eating.”

“What? I had a pastry just last, it hasn’t been three--what day is it?”

“Saturday.”

“Shit.”

“Noël’s already on his way to back us up. And we called--uh. Blue. He’s also going to back us up, him and...and Also Blue. She’s good with kids.”

Sakuya hands him a cup of coffee. “Go home. Oh, and check your texts.”

Keiichiro takes a sip of coffee and nearly falls over as all of the exhaustion he’s been holding back hits at once. He manages not to drop his coffee, and he pulls out his phone with his other hand and checks his texts.

There are definitely words in them. He doesn’t read them. He’s too distracted by the selfie in the last one, and the mesmerizing curve of Kairi’s mouth.

He drains the last of his coffee, and Director Hilltop and Tsukasa basically gang up and push him out the door.

--

Kairi jumps when the apartment door opens, and then scrambles to his feet when Keiichiro stumbles through the door, looking tired to the bone. “I’m guessing you saved the day?”

“Nope.” Keiichiro doesn’t actually look upset, though, which is explained when he follows this with, “The other two are saving the day, Noël’s on his way from France to help out. They made me go home.”

“Yeah? Good. Have you even slept? Or, like, eaten anything?”

“Not in. Uh. An amount of time that I’m not really clear on. But I figured stuff out! I helped save the day.” Keiichiro looks blearily up at Kairi as he’s tugging his shoes off, and Kairi can see the glow, there in his eyes and his chest and the lopsided exhausted grin. “Also I missed you, I’m sorry I didn’t answer your texts.”

“Nah, it’s cool, you were working.” Kairi helps him over to the couch, and then yelps in surprise when Keiichiro grabs him around the waist and sits down with a thump.

“What would I do without you,” Keiichiro mumbles into the side of his neck.

“What are you talking about, I haven’t even gotten you something to eat yet. Which I will, if you let go of me.”

Keiichiro just holds onto him tighter. “No. I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Kei-chan.” Kairi swats ineffectively at his arms, face warm with sudden embarrassment. “But you gotta eat something.”

[tofuwhale]

The Genshin Impact Boys as a Kpop group Headcanons [Kaeya, Diluc, Childe, Zhongli]

Me and Tofu started thinking of these after seeing this tiktok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZSsftVnW/ 

Enjoy!! These were so much fun to make lol 

- 🐋

Kpop group name: T3YVAT

Their roles in the boy band

Kaeya

VISUAL, 100%, but is also the rapper of the group, 2nd oldest member

Everyone’s blown away and gets flustered from his suave and flirty mannerisms

Does a lot of modelling on the side just for fun & fanservice

Diluc

THE VOCALIST, vocals for daysss, 2nd youngest member

He has such a sweet and charming voice, it’s shy at the same time and sounds like dripping honey

Could sing baby lullabies

Zhongli

THE LEADER, kind of cold in a weird way, oldest member

no one really knows why he’s the leader since (??) he seems kind of lazy at first (but actually works really hard behind the scenes, writes the groups’ songs)

Childe

GOLDEN MAKNAE for sure, kinda a spoiled brat and is good at stuff without even trying, youngest member 

Really good at dance, would almost be the dancer except for the fact he’s good at everything

Brags a lot about the things he can do, kinda gets on the other members’ nerves sometimes

Does aegyo and the members have to hold themselves back from choking him to death

Xiao

He’s a soloist, experiments with a lot of genres like soft ballads, rap, and pop

Collaborates with T3YVAT in a couple songs 

What instrument they would play

Kaeya

Massive drummer boy vibes, has done the drums in the background track of a couple of their songs but no one knows about it

Diluc

The recorder. Jk1!!!1 

Honestly he wouldn’t rely much on instruments, his voice alone is enough for him

(It’s also because he’s broken almost every instrument he’s touched)

Zhongli

He’s a classical type of boy so he’d most likely play piano

Has been playing it since he was a kid, a prodigy but decided to form a kpop group instead (who knows why)

Makes grown adults cry with the way he can play piano 

Them fingers tho 👀

Childe

He can play a little bit of guitar, but not that much

He’s still learning but the group’s schedule makes it hard for him to

When he has the free time though, he goes live while learning guitar 

Xiao

Xiao plays like every instrument, being a soloist he’s really talented and makes all of his music of course

Music is his passion!!

What they’re like during a fansign event

Kaeya

Ofc flirty but man has to tone it down, maybe caresses your cheek though if you’re lucky

He’d be really sweet honestly speaking, he’d probably ask if you ate or if you’re enjoying the fanmeet

Ask him anything and he’ll be honest,, maybe too honest tho LOL

Diluc

He would be so polite and nice, would thank you honestly for coming to the fansign 

Flattered by your compliments, gives you a cute little smile at the end that you’ll think about for weeks

Although Diluc doesn’t really like socializing all that much he makes sure it’s clear that he appreciates his fans!!

Zhongli

He would be very much reserved

He as well would ask stuff like how you’re finding the fanmeet

Omg if you have any concerns or anything he’d 100% would listen. 

Good listener 100/10 perhaps gives his own advice if needed

He’d deny you for accessories but trust me once you leave he’d look at them before wearing them thinking no one’s watching

Fansites definitely took videos or photos of this moment. YOU AIN’T SLICK

Childe

SOFTEST BABY I WILL CRY. 

He’d probably be the most ecstatic compared to the others

If it’s your turn to talk to him he’d immediately grab your hand and wave it around while saying things like “Thank you so much for coming!” “Thanks for supporting us, it means a lot!” 

Gets the most gifts and appreciates all of them, has like 50 cat and bunny ear headbands on and refuses to take them off

What they’re like when they go live, and How often they go live

Kaeya

Flirty. Pretty obvious sTILL. He’d wink many times and just say pick up lines

He mainly just wants to have fun and talk with the fans

Gets cockblocked by Childe overhearing his pick up lines and Childe gags loud enough for the live to hear

Kaeya exits the frame saying he’ll be back and all you hear is Childe screaming

Diluc

Went live once accidentally, never again

Spent 5 minutes trying to figure out how to turn off the live

Zhongli

Zhongli rarely goes live, but when he does it’s to show the fans a new song he’s been writing or to get inspiration 

Plays the piano while live, has all the fans crying from how beautiful it is

Childe

Goes live the most often, for really dumb stuff but everyone joins anyways

For example, he’d go live to ask for directions to a fried chicken place and immediately end the live

Or he’d go live just to show him bothering Diluc and trying to wake him up from a nap and after, Diluc nearly chases Childe down to kill him

LOVES to interrupt the others’ lives, mainly Kaeya and Zhongli

Ever seen that one video of VIXX’s Hyuk getting left behind in a gas station? Yeah that’s Childe.

How often they post selcas

Kaeya

He posts the most out of everyone

Sexy azz selfies 😩

His captions are pick up lines or could be interactive like he’d ask a question for the fans to answer 

Diluc

Rarely posts them, but when he does he poses like a middle-aged white dad taking a selfie

Boring but hilarious captions like “Took a shower.”

Zhongli

Never has posted a selca, refuses to and their manager can’t do anything about it

Because of this, there’s an inside joke in the fandom that Zhongli isn’t even a part of the group and he actually doesn’t exist

Zhongli stans stay strong!!!1!

Childe

Posts selcas often for fanservice, they’re all cutesy with animal filters like bunny or cat ears

Will sometimes post a selfie with the other members without their permission (like sneaking in a blurry selfie with Diluc)

Who’s most likely to take off their shirt during a concert

Kaeya, he’s allergic to shirts

Childe

Diluc/Zhongli, the thing is it wasnt them. childe and kaeya prolly lifted their shirts up LOL

Who’s most likely to accidentally make a fan cry

Diluc

Who’s most likely to hook up with one of their fans

KAEYA, when an interviewer asks him this question he just laughs and looks at the ground while smirking, and then looks at the camera and says “I would never”

Zhongli but no one would find out or expect him to, the only way anyone would know is if he’s the one who tells everyone

Diluc/Childe, they aren’t into that stuff

Who’s most likely to go live while drunk

Kaeya for sure, he’d start a live with his hair untied and messy, half empty bottle of wine next to him and his shirt unbuttoned all sexy and he’d be like ‘Sorry for my appearance haha’, and he’d be extraaa flirty 

Who’s most likely to accidentally reveal the groups’ location/address

Diluc, probably accidentally posts a google map that shows the directions to the group’s house/apartment

Childe

Kaeya

Zhongli

Who’s fancam is most likely to go viral on twitter

Zhongli, but only because his manager told him to ‘put more effort in’ so he did, and now the Zhongli stans went crazy and made his name go trending

Who gets shipped

Kaeya and Diluc (But they aren’t brothers in this AU LOL) instead, their beef is from an unfinished chess match that everyone in the fandom knows about

Childe and Zhongli, could be because of their dynamic since Childe is loud and Zhongli is quiet and also because it was revealed that Childe often wants to room with Zhongli (much to his dismay, Childe is actually roomates with Kaeya)

[peonybane]

Hey there, soooo... I don't know whether you heard about VIXX and Hongbin, but just thought I'd check in, whether you had or hadn't yet. I feel quite bitter. I was very upset with what happened to Wonho last year when he left Monsta X, but with Hongbin it seems like he is quitting being a performer altogether 😖😢

So I am going to be answering this under the cut (both so people don’t have to read a long ask, but also because of the subject matter). Please let me know if you’d like me to remove this as an ask, I’ll repost my opinion as an original.

Disclosure: While I’m very into VIXX and other kpop groups, unless it ends up on my Tumblr dash, I know absolutely nothing about what’s going on. I don’t have most forms of social media. So if there’s are some factually wrong things down below, it’s because I’m only vaguely aware of certain details. Most of this is my own personal opinion and intuitions as well. I will also state here that I know very little about the twitch controversies except for hearsay so I’ll only be referring to one case, the most relevant one.

I was never into Monsta X as I am with my other groups, but I feel like this is worse than when Wonho left. I’m not disregarding that it wasn’t painful or upsetting for Monbebes. But... Wonho left to protect his group. But he’s continuing to do what he loves. I feel like Hongbin is leaving, so he can survive. While I hope that he’s not leaving as a performer entirely, I respect his decision if he decides to have nothing to do with being an entertainer ever again.

So, I’m ngl, I am a combo of a shit ton of things, but mostly, I am a combination of livid and proud.

I am livid at the people who started this shit. I am so fucking pissed because people forget that idols are human beings too. They have feelings, they have OPINIONS.

I am so fucking pissed at the company(ies). I don’t know which company has greatest power in this or who this all happened under, but either way, I am pissed. Jelpi had been using VIXX as a cash cow for years because for whatever reason they could never recreate the same magical process of creating a group within a niche market. Despite VIXX finding a niche market within to thrive, Jelpi stopped giving them that support long ago. And we all know SM’s reputation (for those who don’t know, SM recently acquired Jelpi).

Something that both worries and pisses me off is that SM may not so subtly told him to leave voluntarily. But as far as I know, Hongbin decided to leave, himself. But we’ll most likely never truly know. 

I think SM could see the writing on the wall. It already happened twice under the label. After all...

Once is a tragedy. Twice is a coincidence. Thrice is a statistic.

Hongbin would have been that statistic.

And really, that’s what is really making me absolutely livid. Because based on what we’ve seen and heard as fans... I can’t fucking imagine what was going on behind closed doors.

Idols are by no means perfect human begins. But they still don’t deserve this treatment. Including Hongbin.

I am proud of Hongbin so many reasons. From the very beginning, Hongbin was considered one of the weakest vocally. What that means, I don’t really know, I’m not musically trained. But he put in the effort to grow and develop himself as an idol. I mean on EAU DE VIXX, he was a fucking vocal powerhouse! He put all this effort into bettering himself as an actor, as a singer, as a dancer. And yet his company did not pay him the courtesy of that work.

I am proud of him because throughout these years, he’s been very much himself from the beginning, even though that makes him surly as hell, confrontational, sarcastic. He gave us Meme-Bin. He made us feel his pain with the cringe. He worked hard on his dream. It was never a life long dream like it was for Jaehwan. Instead, it was almost spur of the moment. And to me, being able to succeed to some degree of that sudden dream -- that is one of the greatest inspirations anyone can give.

I am proud of him for his strength. He went through years of being put in awkward positions (the Error MV for instance: he was originally suppose to kiss her on the lips and he kissed her on the forehead instead because kissing her made him uncomfortable). Years of being cast in the wrong type of role despite his skills (always cast as the ‘Prince’ type when he could have become an amazing psychotic villain). Years of his hard work being disregarded in favor of being a pretty face.

And he seemingly went through that and probably more that will never know about for years, all with that big cheesy dimpled smile. I think on some level, he’s depressed and has been for a very long time. But for the most part, like most of those who fight with their inner demons, he hid it for everyone else.

I think that during their hiatus TWITCH was his safe haven. It was a place where he could do something he loved and still interact with his ‘fans.’ And when he was asked his OPINION on a REMIX, people decided that that was enough to call for him to be cancelled. And it seems like the company listened to loudest minority. His haven was no longer safe.

I don’t know what happened behind closed doors. I think we all hoped that the company was looking to take legal action against the slander. Now, I’m wondering, did they decide to use Hongbin as a scapegoat for something? I don’t know. I don’t think we’ll ever know. 

Hongbin is NOT perfect. He is not without flaw, the same as any other human being. But I do think he’s one of the strongest people I’ve seen. 

I don’t know for certain, but I hope leaving was something he decided for himself, and not because of my fear that I said earlier. And that’s why I think he’s so strong.

I think he realized that he was in trouble. And I don’t mean with the fans or the company. I think he recognized that there were somethings were not worth paying for with his life.

I truly think that without the other five being there to help emotionally support him (with the Hyung line scattered to the wind for military service and Ravi off being a workaholic with GROOVL1N), Hongbin would not have survived. I know Hakyeon is coming back soon, but could have Hongbin held out for that much longer? 

I don’t know. 

I truly believe that if Hongbin was fighting with the company for something behind closed doors, Hakyeon and Jaehwan would have fought for him when he emotionally couldn’t stand up for himself anymore.

I am proud of Hongbin because he knew his worth. He chose to live. Leaving something that I’m sure is all consuming, that takes a lot of strength. That takes a strong sense of self worth (maybe even self love) and the will to live. 

With the world going to shit this year, it’s hard to find the good in all this. I try to be forever the optimist. And in my mind, if Hongbin really did decide to leave of his own volition, in the long run, perhaps the world is still progressing to a better place. He decided to make the tough decision now, rather than waiting until it was too much; rather than waiting until he saw no other option than to make a decision that there is absolutely no coming back from.

I’m proud that he chose his health over everything else. Even if it makes me upset to see him go.

Because honestly, VIXX isn’t going to be the same without him. 

[vixxscifiwritings]

coffee and cream

Length - 3460 words

Characters - Taekwoon x Original Female Character, VIXX Ensemble, Original Characters

Rating - General Audience

Summary - Minah doesn't know why Taekwoon shows up to her games when he doesn't know anyone on the team. Or rather, she knows why but finds it quite incredulous.

Tag List -  @tomatoholmes @merlionmen @seraphistols  @k-craze-97 @blossomtearsleo

-

“Taekwoon is here again” Miya points out as she laces up her shoes tighter.

Minah doesn’t dignify her statement with a response as she ties up her long braided hair into a bun because she knows what will come next.

“I think he likes you” Miya whispers conspiratorially. She wiggles her eyebrows and Minah shoots her a deadpan look.

“I don’t know what gave you the impression,” Minah says, pushing the freshman kid physically onto the field so she can focus on the game and not the audience. Although it’s not hard to wonder why the captain of the basketball team is at the football match in a rival school. As far as Minah knows, Taekwoon is not friends with anyone on the team. But the boy in question is here with his best friend Jaehwan and watching the game.

Minah wonders if the measly support they do have is of any use because the girls are huddled up and giggling about their audience today instead of brainstorming strategy.

“Get your head in the game girls” Ara calls out when she notices Minah scowling. She offers her an understanding look before jostling everyone into a huddle to get them to focus. Their team is one goal behind their rivals and at a risk of losing if they don’t get their act together.

Minah makes the mistake of looking at the audience and Jaehwan catches her eye to cheer her on. She watches as Taekwoon tries to hide his face out of embarrassment and almost chuckles if not for the indignation over the entire affair. She feels his eyes on her as she joins the huddle and they cheer before breaking off and returning to the field for the second half. She shakes it off because she has a game that she wants to win and that requires her entire focus. Not silly boys who are in random places for reasons she can’t fathom.

Their coach cheers loudly when they score a goal and tie with the other team. There is fifteen minutes still on hand. If Heeyeon can push through the defense line on the other side, she can easily score with Miya’s help. Minah focuses on going on the offensive. They have thirteen minutes and nothing to lose if they don’t score. Her team is good at penalty shoot outs if it comes down to that.

The regular time ends in a draw but Heeyeon and Miya pull through in the over time and score, leading their team to victory. Minah gets thrown into the air as a long running victory tradition of the team and lands on her butt and is surrounded by a rush of girls apologising and pulling her to her feet and a frantic coach yelling about injuries mid season when they should all be in top form.

“I hope you’re not actually injured,” Taekwoon says and Minah is surprised to see him here by the benches instead of by the bleachers. Jaehwan is off talking to Ara and Minah is surprised because she didn’t know they were on talking terms. There is clearly a lot she needs to catch up on with her best friend and team assistant.

“Nothing that I’m not used to” Minah shrugs. Injuries and roughhousing are a part and parcel of being an athlete. Taekwoon sports his own knee brace and is no stranger to this knowledge.

“And here I thought only the boys team got this rough,” Taekwoon says, sitting down next to her. He hands her a water bottle and she accepts it with as much grace as skepticism affords. Why is he here again and why is he offering her a water bottle?

Miya’s words echo through her mind but she brushes them off. The rough landing has affected her brain more than it has affected her body clearly if her mind is willing to entertain such ridiculous thoughts.

“I need to go,” Minah says, standing up when Ara calls everyone to round them up for the bus trip back to school.

“Right,” Taekwoon says, standing up as well. He pushes his hands into this pocket and awkwardly shuffles his weight from one leg to another as Minah gathers her things.

“That was a good game. You… play good” he calls as Minah walks away and she freezes. A nod is all she can manage as her cheeks flush warm on the words. He likes how she plays. That’s… something, she supposes as her brain goes haywire trying to figure out what in the ever loving fuck she must do with this knowledge.

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees him hit his head and sigh in embarrassment that mirrors her own and feels marginally better. She boards the bus and tries to avoid how Miya and Ara both shoot her knowing looks.

-

“I don’t know why cheerleaders can’t attend away games” Qiuyue huffs as she leans over the sink and fixes her lipstick. The maroon shade suits her lace blouse and Minah thinks that it's incredibly high maintenance for a normal school day compared to her own sweater and jeans combo.

“It’s common sense that you would need cheering the most at an away game. You already have a large audience that supports you when you play at school” she adds, frowning at Minah.

“You can apparently attend away games so I don’t know what is stopping you from just accidentally showing up in your cheering uniform with pompoms to boot” Minah throws a suggestion out to the wind.

“I’d need someone to drive me there” Qiuyue huffs. Knowing Qiuyue, the cheerleader is not going to give up till she convinces the coach and Minah thinks she can pull it off if she begs enough. Or if she shows up with the sweet apple tarts from the local cafe that their coach likes so much.

“Speaking of people attending games, I heard from Hyojin who heard from Ara that Taekwoon showed up at your game again,” Qiuyue says, lowering her voice to a whisper.

“He did and before you ask me, no I don’t know why” Minah replies with a roll of her eyes. Jung Taekwoon is popular and hot news wherever he goes but Minah doesn’t fancy ending up on the gossip network that the entire sophomore year runs on.

“That’s easy, silly. He likes you and so he comes to watch your games” Qiuyue reasons as if it is the most perfectly normal thing in the world. And maybe it is for boys who like girls but Taekwoon doesn’t like Minah because that is not the sane course of action for anyone involved.

“Yes well not everyone is as obvious as Hongbin when it comes to wooing you” Minah retorts and Qiuyue chokes on the water she is drinking.

“Hongbin is not ‘wooing’ me. He shows up to the games because he likes sports. He even tried out for Taekwoon’s team, remember? And by that logic, you are admitting to Taekwoon showing up to your games to woo you” she points out.

“No one is wooing anyone in my case” Minah retorts with a half snort.

“Well no one is wooing me either and I think we’ve said wooing too many times because the syllables sound weird now” Qiuyue says, repeating the word to herself with a grimace that makes it look like it left a sour taste in her mouth. Minah thinks it is more denial than sourness but doesn’t push the other girl further.

“We have a free period next. Do you think I can copy your math homework before submission time?” Minah asks, changing topics.

“You’re still not done?!” Qiuyue exclaims in shock. “That assignment is the longest we’ve had!! You better be good at power writing or just be plain simple fast.”

Qiuyue pulls Minah out of the bathroom and off to the library and Minah thanks her lucky stars that Qiuyue has never stopped Minah from copying her homework.

-

Minah thinks that the only thing that makes school on Saturdays bearable is the fact that they can arrive an hour later and leave two hours earlier. It gives her time to avoid the weekday rush and pick up coffee and that does wonders for her morning mood.

She finds Miya and Jungkook sitting at the stairs and listening to music on a shared ipod. The two of them are lost to the world and very likely to miss the first bell in ten minutes but she doesn't want to be the one to disturb the bubble they are in.

She finds Taekwoon by her locker and is surprised. He's waiting for Kyungsoo to pick up his books. Kyungsoo who has a locker right next to hers (a fact that greatly helps Ara when she wishes to stop by and drop letters to the one she admires while drawing no attention to herself).

"I didn't know you liked coffee," Taekwoon says, looking at the cup in her hands. It's long cold and empty but has the drawing of a teddy bear face that the barista who works on Saturday mornings likes to draw for everyone.

"Isn't caffeine the lifeblood of every rational human?" Minah asks and Taekwoon laughs a bit. It's a pleasant laugh that sounds like wind chimes on a windy summer day and is infinitely more pleasant than the warning bell that rings a moment later.

Minah grabs her textbooks and slams the locker shut because the lock is faulty and does not actually lock without the use of force. Taekwoon helps by re-slamming the door when it swings open and jamming it in place. Minah gives him an awkward smile because the locker is embarrassing her now and hopes he hasn't seen the insides which she meant to clean up lastonth but never got around to.

"There's this really nice cafe near the public library" Taekwoon starts before Kyungsoo yells and exclaims he will be late and interrupts their non existent conversation. Taekwoon sighs and yells at him to go along first and turns to Minah who is already balancing the coffee cup on top of the books she needs to carry.

"I can help you with that," Taekwoon offers, gesturing to the growing pile of books and notebooks in her hands.

"I'll be fine" Minah waved him off. He watches her with concern as she walks to her classroom and narrowly avoids bumping into Sanghyuk and Wonshik by the door.

"I see why you insisted on accompanying me" Kyungsoo comments with a smirk.

"Shut up" Taekwoon replies eloquently before turning around and walking to his own classroom, leaving Kyungsoo to carry the huge pile of assignments on his own. He deserves it for the interruption.

-

"How did you know that you liked Kyungsoo?" Minah asks Ara as she paints her nails. Light purple is a lovely colour on her and Minah has half a mind to borrow it for herself.

"I just woke up with a deep bottomless pit in my stomach and a feeling of dread and knew" Ara replies. It matches how Minah feels every time she sees Taekwoon in the hallways so it must be right. It still unnerves her.

"But how do you know it isn't just a stupid crush that will go away?" Minah asks. Taekwoon is the first boy to show interest in her in a very long time. The first boy ever actually.

"That's the beauty of it. You don't. You could wake up the next day and not like the same person you were obsessing over the day before. You take every day as it comes" Ara explains.

"You've liked Kyungsoo for a while," Minah remarks. Ever since freshman year if her deduction skills have any merit.

"What does it mean if you like someone for a very long time? Even if it is just a simple crush or just being interested in them?"

"You should ask Qiuyue that. She's liked one person for the longest time I've ever known. Even if she says she doesn't" Ara replies.

"Qiuyue thinks Taekwoon likes me" Minah confesses, coming to the topic that's actually on her mind.

"Do you think so? Do you like him too?" Ara asks in return.

"He talked about this really nice cafe he knew and I… kind of liked the thought of spending time with him," Minah admits.

"Was he trying to ask you out on a date?" Ara gasps.

"Stupid, I know. And he never really asked because Kyungsoo interrupted us but I thought he would" Minah says, flopping onto Ara's lap with a sigh.

"On the contrary, I thought he would ask you to come see one of his games before asking you out on a cliche cafe date. And rest assured that no one will find Kyungsoo's body after this grave crime" Ara tells her, frowning heavily at the offense.

"I guess it's because he saw me with my Saturday morning coffee" Minah says as Ara fixes her hair and applies some lipstick on her. It's a shade of brown that's lighter than she usually wears but it doesn't look half bad.

"He has the right spirit, I'll give him that" Ara says, checking her work. She adds eyeliner and glitter blush and Minah lets her experiment because she's lost in thought.

-

"You look super cute!" Qiuyue exclaims when she sees Minah. It's a Saturday evening and she would rather be sleeping at home but Ara insists that Minah accompany her and Miya to the basketball game so they can support Qiuyue who's cheering for the home team.

"Besides, it's only fair that you go to one of Taekwoon's games since he attends yours," Miya says as she pushes Minah to wear a skirt instead of jeans. It's a decision she regrets because it makes her legs freeze. At least she looks cute, she thinks.

"We'll go grab some seats and you can get snacks?" Ara asks.

"Please get candy that I can steal" Qiuyue adds on, strapping her pom poms on her wrist bands so that they don't fall off during the routine. She takes off before Minah can respond and Minah sighs, knowing her motherly instinct will make her feed Qiuyue anyways.

She grabs popcorn and a bar of rice crispies and chocolates that Qiuyue likes and treks over to the bench before heading over to the seats Ara found. She finds Hongbin kneeling down and helping Qiuyue with her shoelaces and the girl in question coloured the deepest shade of red she has ever seen her.

Minah approaches her with a smirk and Qiuyue shoots her a warning look before thanking Hongbin and practically running from him to Minah. "Careful or you'll fall and then Prince Charming will have to carry you" Minah teases and Qiuyue punches her shoulder.

"Don't worry I've got her" Hongbin says, slinging an arm around her waist and Qiuyue starts.

"Lover boy, you can flirt after the game" Taekwoon yells and the entire cheerleading team breaks into giggles at the expense of the two. Qiuyue scoffs and leaves to hide behind any kind samaritan since her own friends are of no help.

"I was going to give this to her but maybe you can for me" Minah says, handing over the chocolate to Hongbin who takes the excuse to follow Qiuyue.

"You're ruining my teammate" Taekwoon complains when he walks over to greet her.

"I'm helping the cause of love" Minah replies with a bright smile.

"Cupid is grateful I'm sure" Taekwoon says sourly with a frown. Minah laughs and watches the cheerleading team get into formation and Hongbin wistfully push the chocolate into his pocket and save it for later.

"I think that's your cue" Minah points out.

"Will you stay till the end?" Taekwoon asks before leaving.

"Hard to say. I was supposed to be Qiuyue's ride home but I don't think she'll be leaving with me and I am sure you guys would be busy celebrating the end of the season" Minah reminds him.

"I'm still glad you came" Taekwoon says.

"Me too" Minah agrees even though it hasn't even been thirty minutes since she arrived.

-

"Taekwoon asked me for your number" Qiuyue texts Minah after the game. "I guessed you both looked friendly enough so I thought it was okay to give it to him."

"He hasn't texted me so I guess he didn't really need it for anything" Minah responds because what else can she say.

She wishes she hadn't told her because now she checks her phone every five minutes. Much to her disappointment, her volume is up and she just has no notifications.

Her phone chimes two hours later with a simple text saying " hey, did you get home safe after the game ?" and she almost screams in the middle of putting a facemask on.

" I was not the one at a wild party after the game " she replies.

" Touché "

-

" Mango ice cream or strawberry?"

" Mango "

" You have terrible taste "

" Says the man who chose milk chocolate over dark "

" I am offended "

" Guess what I felt when you chose lattés over black coffee "

" Not everyone has an edgy bitter dark soul "

" No, some people have souls full of cream from the designer coffee they consume "

" Ha ha ha "

-

In hindsight letting Qiuyue dress her up for her date is a very bad idea because Minah finds herself in a floral dress ("It has pockets!") and a white jacket that Minah is worried will stain very easily. Qiuyue does let her wear her flat sandals in place of heels and agrees that they will be easy to run in if she gets cold feet and Minah gives her extra friendship points for that.

"You look… really pretty" Taekwoon says when he comes over to pick her up. Minah meets him downstairs on the street instead of the apartment so that her sister won't see that she's going on a date and hopes Taekwoon doesn't mind.

"Thanks. I don't usually dress this fancy" Minah says because she has a habit of putting her foot in her mouth.

"I think it looks nice on you" Taekwoon says, blushing because he feels honoured and happy that she put in the effort for him. He might even giggle into his phone if he wasn't serious about impressing her on their first date.

"We should get going. We'll be late for the movie" he tells her. They're going to watch the new indie romance movie. Though if Minah is honest, she's just going to watch Taekwoon who looks stunning in plaid shirt and jeans. He is wearing the long earring he considers lucky and it's Minah's turn to blush now. He doesn't need luck for a date with her. She already knows they will get along well from all the late night conversations they've had till now.

Movie is followed by a late lunch in a McDonald's that both of them feel overdressed for. The lunch also coincides with a child's birthday party and they forsake conversation because talking over sugar induced screaming is a futile exercise.

They do end up talking about whether it is possible to kidnap the baby toy poodle that is left unattended for a minute by its owner. Minah thinks Taekwoon just might follow through with the plan if the owner doesn't return soon. She laughs when the owner does return and Taekwoon's face falls.

It's a pleasant afternoon so the two of them end up in the cafe by the public library. The small cafe is covered in wall decals of cat figures and there are cartoon stickers on their cups and Minah laughs at how childish but pleasing all of it is. It's not a side of Taekwoon that she expected but is happy to get to know.

The conversation flows smoothly despite Minah rolling her eyes at the amount of cream in Taekwoon's coffee and his wariness over the strength of her coffee.

"Sleep is for the weak" Minah whispers and he sighs.

"Never considered you weak" Taekwoon replies but occasionally looks at her coffee like it would sprout two extra heads at any moment.

"Just pretty" she teases, mixing the sugar in.

"Beautiful" he corrects her and smile triumphantly when she blushes. He's smooth and she marks him down as a player and bad for her health in her book. Her heart is not going to survive if it is going to flip-flop at this inhuman rate every time Taekwoon compliments her.

She still doesn't know why he's here in a cafe with her, looking at cat stickers and drinking bad coffee and fighting over ice cream flavours but she quite likes it. Even if he's going to be clearly bad for her.

-

[sijjak]

HYUK DAZED FEBRUARY 2020 INTERVIEW

How was the shoot today?

It’s my first official schedule of 2020, so it was exciting. It sort of felt like waking up from hibernation.

What season do you like the best?

Winter. Since winter will be over soon, each day is precious. (laughs)

Which season do you think suits your voice the best?

I’m not sure, I don’t think it would be summer or winter. So then I guess it has to be either winter or spring?

Last December with the release of “Winter Butterfly,” you finished your <Four Seasons Project>. Was there a reason you released solo songs based on the seasons?

I wanted to communicate with my fans. There are many various ways to meet fans. I thought the way that I can express myself the most sincerely is through music. When I released a song every season, I was able to continuously communicate with the fans for a year.

All the songs are self-composed. When did you start writing songs?

My first self-composed song was “I’ll Hold You.” It was a song I only released online through SoundCloud and Youtube, but luckily a lot of fans liked it. When I listen to my songs, I get excited about composing.

When you’re composing, where do you get your inspiration?

Dramas and movies. After my acting debut, it can also come from the messages and the lingering motives from productions. After I watched the tvN drama <Mister Sunshine,> I wrote my song for summer last year, ‘Way to You.’  In the show, Yoojin, Dongmae, and Heesung all love Aeshin. It’s a love that can’t come true, but all three people want to go towards her. From this, there is the motive ‘the road to you will be my road, my end is you’ and this unfolded into the words to the song. Blindly longing for someone will eventually be a difficult thing.

It’s already been 9 years since your debut. If you look back at the 2010s, what do you think?

In 10 years, of course things change. (laughs) This year, only half of my 20s are left. If I look back, I think that it passed while working really hard.

What do the words “working hard” mean to you?

After I went through a short training period and debuted, I felt a compulsion and pressure that I had to practice more than the other members, so it was hard. I thought that I couldn’t be a nuisance to the members, so after our schedules were over, I headed to the practice room. Even after debut, for 5 years I went to the practice room everyday. Even when I was resting, it was comfortable to rest in the practice room. (laughs) But at some point, it surpassed “effort” and ate away at me. It seemed like it was making even the people around me exhausted and tired. But I would never think that time was bad. It’s just, I lived in that way, so for my remaining 20s, I resolved to live in a different way, more freely.

Looking at previous media and interviews you’ve done, you said you didn’t have certainty or confidence as an artist until 2017. You seem pretty much the same.

Yes, but now I’ve become more relaxed. The biggest difference is that whatever I do, I’ve gained confidence in the things I do myself. Even if I make mistakes, I acknowledge them, and because I can accept them, it puts me at ease. While I’m trying to make music or acting, I’m not really indecisive and I don’t hesitate a lot.

Is it thanks to that? A little while ago, you held your first solo concert. How did it feel to be on stage for over 2 hours by yourself?

Really, I’m comfortable when I’m on stage. Actually, it was hard when I was preparing and practicing for the concert. It can be too much and overwhelming (with emotion). A lot of feelings come and go, but when the show starts and I sing, those sorts of thoughts disappear. The time spent together with the audience, that is happy.

When you do full-scale solo promotions, is there something that’s musically different from previous promotions?

With the group VIXX, because we show a conceptual and active performance, I wanted to show an image opposite to that. Comfortable, calm, healing music. Now, I’m trying to catch both of the rabbits!* (laughs)

T/N: This is a kind of Korean phrase that refers to when someone is trying to do many things. So on top of doing the high concept and energy of VIXX, he is also doing calm and quiet music.

You mentioned it a little bit ago. You can’t leave out the stories in acting. When you are both an actor and a singer, there must be some positives and negatives.

When you’re acting, you need a wide range of experiences. While I was an idol, I was accustomed to restraining myself. It was difficult, but now I’m trying to shed that off. At the same time, I think I can express my emotions more freely than before. Before, singing on stage, even if I was so overwhelmed I could die, I hid it, but now I express that. Looking at it like that, I think the stages (I do) have become more rich and have more sincerity.

Acting and singing, using both of these talents, you have taken up the challenge this time of becoming a musical actor. Your first show <The Eyes of Dawn>, doesn’t have much time left before it opens.

From the Japanese occupation to the division of North Korea, this is a production with a distinct narration with the historical pain of a nation. It’s our history, and if we go a little forward, it’s my story. So I was able to immerse myself better. Actually, before I picked this show, I considered the influence of it and how it could make the fans who came to see me aware of some historical facts. Young fans, foreign fans, people of various ages and races, people that could learn the facts of our history. I thought if only I do well, it could be a good opportunity for everyone.

By the time this musical is finished, it’ll be spring. This coming spring, is there a place you would like to travel to?

Incheon, Ganghwa or a quiet domestic place like Gangnam, Namhae. Make a plan that’s enough for about a week, and I want to just stay in a quiet and cozy place. Just like a resident! (laughs).

It’s the start of 2020, so I’ll ask. As an artist, until where do you think Han Sanghyuk will go?

Of the emotions and messages that I want to express, one point where I can make some sort of outcome is now I really want to become an ‘artist.’ I’m not sure what sort of modifiers I should attach to the word ‘artist,’ but I guess that will depend on what I do, right? (laughs)

[jeongyunhoed]

the rest of my answers under the cut hehet

Get to Know Me Uncomfortably Well (kpop edition)

Do you have any irl friends that like kpop?

Yeah! Almost all my irl friends like kpop. 

How old were you when you first got into kpop?

I was 18. 

What song(s) took you a while to warm up to?

SuperM’s Jopping for sure, SNSD’s I Got a Boy too. Both songs took me a while to jam to them. 

Have you ever disliked a group/idol? If so, why? (You don’t have to say who it is if you’re scared of getting hate).

Oh yeah. There are a few idols that I get really shady vibes from? Mostly because they do seem fake / unrelatable whatsoever / act all superior than everybody else. 

What do you love the most about kpop?

I love the makeup, and I love the creative concepts aside from the songs and how the idols experiment with genres and musical styles. 

Do you only listen to kpop?

No. I do listen to a lot of indie/alternative stuff, half of which are from OSTs. I do owe my love for indie/alternative music to my high school classmates - my lab partner has epic musical taste and is creative AF.

Who are you favorite western artists (if you have any)?

Arctic Monkeys, The Kills, The Kinks, Franz Ferdinand, Stars, The Strokes, Bloc Party, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Neon Trees. That’s... all I can think of so far. 

How long have you been into kpop?

By September this year, lets just say I’ve been in kpop for a looooong time. 2nd-gen fan over here!

What music did you used to listen to before getting into kpop?

Indie/alternative. I also listened to a lot of the local music. 

What fandom(s) were you in before getting into kpop? Are you still in them?

Ooh! I am still quite a Potterhead for sure. Gossip Girl too - I wrote fics on both fandoms... which are in fanfiction . net. Twilight too? sorta kinda. I’m not into Gossip Girl or Twilight anymore. 

Which group did you used to think was overrated but ended up loving?

I... don’t think I can answer that. hehehet. 

Is there a kpop song that annoys you? If so, which one?

Usually the overly cutesy songs annoy me, I can’t really specify but yeah, the overly cutesy songs where the singers kind of have to sing/rap in that cutesy voice just ugh, no. 

What aspects of kpop make you cringe/feel secondhand embarrassment?

Again, the overly cute songs/concepts that seem to cater to dirty older people... Even more if the choreography matches that. UGH. 

Which concepts do you love?

I am a sucker for supernatural / fantasy concepts or movie-inspired ones. Futuristic ones too. 2NE1 and f(x)’s street styles are also A+ for me. VIXX’s concepts from vampires to zombies to androids is hella cool (they’re the standard tbh). EXO’s aliens with superpowers concept is amazing af too. Groups that also show mature concepts as they get older is also A+ for me. 

Which concepts do you hate?

I really don’t like again, the overly cutesy concepts. There’s a level of sexy that I just don’t like either. Those are skips for me. 

What do you look for in a bias?

Ooh, looking at my biases, I usually go for vocalists for some reason. Minhyun’s a vocalist, Yunho’s a vocalist, Jaehyun’s a vocalist, Woong is a vocalist. Leo is a vocalist. 

Which kpop company do you hate the most?

Probably right now, I can only think of YG. YG himself has this god complex over his artists - YGTB was one whole-ass example of him demonstrating that rules don’t apply to him. Also, YG disbanded 2NE1 and threw Bom under the bus. Like nah, you can’t do that to my queens/role models. 

What are you opinions on shipping?

Like before I was like “yessss i ship this one and this one and this one” but then now I just think it’s okay as long as fans don’t take it too far and make such a big deal out of it. Like yeah, we know they’re good friends, you don’t need to sexualize everything they do/every interaction they have.  

How did you get into kpop?

Funny story! I was crying in college because the guy I liked said I wasn’t his type. It also happened to be the birthday of a friend of mine. When I got home, i remembered one of my high school friends telling me to listen to Sorry Sorry and I got hooked ever since. 

Has anyone ever made fun of you or looked at you weird for liking kpop?

No, not really. I gave them the stinkeye if they did. 

What is the cringiest thing you did when you were starting to get into kpop?

AH. Too many to mention. 

How long does it take you to learn the names of each member in a group?

It took me days to learn Super Junior. But I don’t think I really count? But I know it just usually takes me days to learn names of members in a group. 

Are you a gg, bg, or middle/coed stan?

Mostly boy groups. 

I only listen to 2 girl groups - 2NE1 and f(x) but I only anticipate their music, nothing more than that tbh. 

If you could hang out with one idol, who would you hang out with?

Jaehyun (NCT). We’d totally spend the day listening to his records and binge classic movies. Either him or Seonghwa tbh. 

Who is the bias to your third favorite group?

Third favorite group? Minhyun. or Jaehyun (NCT). Both NUEST and NCT are tied. 

What name from your native language would you give your ult bias?

Nothing has crossed my mind. HAHAHA 

Thought on fanfiction/AUs/etc?

I write fanfiction, I write AUs. I’m honestly not into member X member fics unless it’s platonic. As for smut, as long as it’s not too detailed and some details are left to the imagination then I’m good with it. I’m very picky with certain aus tho (mafia) but i don’t like werewolf aus / too much bad boy! member. 

[fixxofvixx]

BLOODRIGHT- VAMPIRE JAEHWAN AU- CHAPTER 3

I have some vampire Jaehwan for you all! I really hope you like this chapter. It was fun to write! I'm not sure what the next update will be. It might be Teaching VIXX or Possession. Both of those are running around in my brain right now.

Please let me know what you think!❤

🧛���♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️🧛‍♂️

The cooks in the kitchen were very good at their job. You had never had food this good. There was only one cook in your old house and she was very picky with her kitchen. You were never allowed to help or even be in the kitchen. But, cooking had always fascinated you so you would sneak into the kitchen sometimes to look around. You were never brave enough to touch anything. She caught you one day and that was one of the most frightening encounters you had ever had. But, here, the cooks we jovial and caring.

Jaehwan sat at the small table in the corner and patiently watched as you gathered the food that you wanted. When you were finished you slowly made your way over to the table. You watched Jaehwan for an indication that you could sit with him. Then, you remembered what he'd said earlier so you took a chance. You carefully sat down across from him. You looked down at your dress and realized that you'd never thanked him for it.

"Oh, my manners are still terrible."

"What do you mean?" You jumped when he spoke and then gasped.

"I said that out loud, didn't I?" A heavy blush of embarrassment covered your cheeks. You were surprised when he just chuckled.

"Is that a habit of yours?"

"Yes, one that has landed me in trouble more times than I'd care to count."

"I think you'll find that it would take a miracle for you to get in trouble here. No training, remember?"

"Yes, but I should still have manners. I forgot to thank you for the dress. It's beautiful."

"You're very welcome. You have an entire wardrobe waiting for you upstairs."

"Really? I'm sorry, you didn't have to do that. I brought some of my clothes and things with me."

"More like that dress and coat from earlier?" His eyes turned angry again and you fidgeted in your seat. He noticed your reaction and took a deep breath to calm himself. "I'm just angry with your parents, you have nothing to be nervous about. You needn't fear me. I won't get angry at you and I sure as hell won't send you back."

One of the cooks came over and placed more food on the table. You smiled and thanked her. The cook had stepped away when you remembered that you didn't bow properly. You started to move but Jaehwan stopped you.

"If you get up just to bow I'm going to take away your food."

You turned back to Jaehwan, your face clearly showing that you were torn about what to do.

"But..."

"Just eat, y/n. She knows you're thankful. You said thank you and that's enough. They like you already. They aren't going to think less of you if you don't bow each and every times. Just relax and eat." He smiled at you and you somehow felt better.

You finished your food in record time and you felt a hundred times better than when you first arrived. Jaehwan chatted with you about the kind of food that you liked while you ate. He asked if there was anything you hated or couldn't eat.

"I have an allergy to some fish but it's not bad. Mother and father loved fish so I have gotten used to the side effects. So you don't have to worry about what is in the food." You smiled reassuringly at him but it was gone when you saw his hands turn to fists on the table. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. You grabbed your now empty tray and stood quickly from the table.

When you turned from the table, your feet got caught on the hem of your dress and you tumbled to the floor. The tray went flying out of your hands and clattered to the floor. The glass for the water flipped off of the tray and shattered. You gasped in horror at your clumsiness and reached for the broken glass. You tried desperately to pick everything up so fast. One of the cooks came forward and started to help you.

"I-It's okay, I can clean it up. I'm so sorry. I'm very clumsy sometimes. I-" you let out a short scream when an arm suddenly came around your waist and pulled you from the floor.

"We've got this, Your Highness, don't worry." You saw Jaehwan nod quickly in agreement and then your vision was blurred as he sped you towards another part of the house. You partially saw the stairs and then you were in a bedroom.

When Jaehwan stopped, you closed your eyes due to the dizziness. With you still in his arms, he walked towards the bed, turned you around and placed you on the largest mattress you'd ever seen.

"Don't move."

You didn't move a muscle as he sped out of the room and then came back with some cloth and a box of some sort. As he approached you worried more and more about what he was going to do. He sat down beside you and grabbed your hand. It was only then that you realized that one of your fingers was bleeding terribly. You gasped at the blood that was dripping from your hand and onto your dress. You hadn't even realized that the glass had cut your hand. After cleaning the blood from your hand and applying something that smelled putrid onto your finger, Jaehwan ripped a piece of cloth effortlessly and wrapped it around the cut.

"I've changed my mind." Jaehwan spoke so softly that you almost didn't hear him. When you registered the words, tears sprang into your eyes.

"You're sending me back?" Honestly, you were not surprised. "I understand. I've caused a lot of problems in the short time I've been here."

"That's not what I meant." You looked up at his face in shock. He wasn't sending you back? "I mean, I've changed my mind about the training."

"Oh." A new wave of despair hit you. The word 'training' was never a good word in your vocabulary.

"What do you mean, 'oh'?"

"I mean, alright. I'll try to succeed in my training here."

"The training you receive here is going to be far different than what you are used to."

You swallowed thinking about what kind of skills you would have to learn this time. And what the punishments would be if you failed. Still, you just nodded in agreement, unable to argue.

"The first thing you're going to learn is to not be afraid."

"What?"

"I want you to stop being afraid of every move you make. Everything that you learned at your house, I want you to forget it."

"But.....what should I do then?"

"Live how you want to. Yes, I get angry and lose my temper but it's not directed at you. I'm angry at how you were treated before you came here. I want you to forget everything from that house. Your new training will be to reverse ALL of your previous training. And.....no punishments." His finger lightly grazed your arm causing goosebumps in its wake. "This.....will never happen here."

Your mind turned over everything he said. The idea was certainly intriguing but you were still nervous about it. How in the world would you be able to reverse all of that?

"You're different than what mother said you'd be."

"Oh, really? I don't think I ever met your mother before. What did she say?"

"She said you were ancient, at least 900 years old. An evil vampire who had been around for ages terrorizing the town and that you promised to stop if you were given a blood donor. She said that you had grey hair, red eyes, and claws. She also said that your face was deformed and I should never look at it directly or you would get very angry." When you finished, he didn't say anything. You took a peek at him and his face only showed pure shock.

"Do.....Do I look like that?"

"No, not at all! Well, except for the red eyes. And your hair is more white than grey. I will admit that I believed her so I was a little surprised when I first saw you. I'm not really sure why my mother said all of that."

"I'm not ancient....." His face showed a pout and you laughed without thinking. He looked up at you and you froze.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh."

"It's alright, the situation is honestly laughable. I want you to laugh. Not many people in the village have seen me so I suppose it's only natural for stories to surface. But I don't think I've ever terrorized anyone so I'm not sure where that came from. The contracts with donors have been around for many many years. It's not something I invented." He laughed and started putting all of the supplies back in the box he had brought.

"Well, I'm glad that you haven't terrorized anyone. I wasn't sure what to expect."

"The only people I want to terrorize now are your parents. If I had known, I would have sent for you sooner."

"It's okay. I am thankful to be here now."

"Truthfully?"

"Yes. You can tell if I lie, right?"

"I can, but I wanted to hear you say it. And don't worry too much about the donor stuff yet. I want you to get comfortable here first. I have other means until then."

"Alright." You didn't ask what those means were. You were almost afraid to.

"You are welcome to go anywhere in this house. Nothing is off limits for you."

"Where is your room?"

"D-Do you want to go there?"

"No! No, I mean I wanted to know so I DON'T accidentally go in there." Heat flushed your cheeks at the thought of what he must have been thinking.

"Ah, it's on the other end of the hall. It's the very last room."

"The same floor?"

"Is that alright? I can move to another part of the house if you prefer."

"No, of course not. This is your house and I don't mind. I was just curious." And nervous....

"It's your house too now. But I promise not to intrude or barge into your room. I might be a vampire but I do have my manners." He smiled as if he was proud of himself.

"Yes, I believe you."

Jaehwan suddenly turned and cocked his head to the side as if he was listening for something.

"I believe Min has returned."

You were anxious to see if Min had found the boy, Charlie, at the stables. You stood from the bed but hesitated. You looked back at Jaehwan.

"Go on, you needn't my permission to leave." You started to bow but he stopped you. "And no bowing!"

Smiling, you took off for downstairs. Your smile disappeared once you saw Min carrying Charlie in the door.

"C-Charlie?" You rushed to Min's side but was afraid to touch the boy. When you saw that he was breathing you gave out a slight sigh. A rush of air came beside you and you looked up to see Jaehwan standing next to you.

"Took me a bit but I found him out behind the stables. His breathing is good and so is his heartbeat. I think they were hoping for the wolves to find him while he was knocked out so it would look like an accident. There were a lot of food scraps laid out around him."

You looked at the boy through teary eyes.

"How could they do this to such a good little boy? He just lost his parents not long ago. He's only 9 and had to endure so much already."

"Min, put him in one of the rooms upstairs, close to y/n's and then ask Penny to look after him."

"Yes, Sir."

You watched as Min carried Charlie up the stairs.

"I wanted to bring him with me but my parents refused. They said you would eat him if I did." Jaehwan laughed at your words.

"I wouldn't have minded if you brought him along," and leaned down and put his head next to yours, "and I don't really EAT people. I only bite."

Which was exactly what he was going to do to you. You kept trying to push that thought out of your mind, terrified of how it was going to happen. Jaehwan seemed oblivious to your fear or if he knew, he didn't say anything.

He nudged you forward and you both followed Min and Charlie up the stairs.

"Penny used to be a nurse before I turned her. She'll know how to take care of him."

"You t-turned her?" You looked up at him, shock written all over your face. You were not sure you wanted to know the story behind that.

"Yes, she asked me to. She had looked after this place most of her life and wasn't ready to leave it. I asked her to be certain about a thousand times but she wouldn't budge." He had a ghost of a smile on his face, evidently remembering old times. You almost felt at a loss. You'd never known that kind of dedication from anyone.

"D-Does it hurt?"

"Turning?"

"No......biting...."

"Ah, well I would be lying if I said it didn't but it's only for a moment. No more than a second." He smiled reassuringly at you, nothing but kindness in his eyes.

"Oh."

"I won't bite you right away, don't worry. I wanted to give you the choice but seeing as your mother took that priviledge away...."

"It's okay. Like I said, I accepted my fate a long time ago."

"You speak as if I'm planning to kill you. You're a donor, love, not a sacrifice."

"I-I know." His sudden term of endearment sent heat to your cheeks for what seemed like the tenth time tonight. He'd said it so easily and honestly, you didn't mind it.

"All of that stuff can come later. You just got here today and so much has already happened. Just focus on getting comfortable here."

You nodded, smiling softly. Maybe living here wouldn't be so bad.

You followed Min into the room next to yours and hurried around to the other side of the bed to turn the blankets down. Right after Charlie was in the bed, Penny came through the door like a hurricane.

"Where is he? Oh, you poor little ducky. What happened?"

Min explained the situation to Penny and you watched as the anger set into her features.

"Oooh how I wish I would have rung their necks while they were here! They had obviously planned for that to happen. Wretched, rotten people!" Penny went to work immediately. Gathering all the medical supplies she would need she set to bandaging the cut on the back of Charlie's head.

"Jaehwan, I need some clothes for him. Do you have anything small enough?"

"Maybe..."

"Then go get it! He doesn't need to be in these awful clothes a moment longer." You watched in fascination as Jaehwan followed Penny's every command without a peep. It as if the roles were reversed and you were genuinely impressed with Penny's fortitude.

"Y/N, grab that water basin and cloth. We'll have to make do with just wiping him down until we can get him upright in a bath."

"Yes, ma'am." You grabbed the water and began cleaning Charlie off as Penny removed his dirty clothes. She tossed them in the floor with a disgusted look.

"Ugh, Min, get rid of those blasted things, will ya dear?"

"Of course." Just like Jaehwan, Min followed Penny's order and walked out of the room, clothes in tow."

"Penny?"

"Yes, dear?"

"Are you sure you're not the royalty here?"

"Ha! Those two would be in a heap of trouble if I was!"

"I heard that." Jaehwan walked back into the room with some clothes for Charlie.

"I apologize for asking out of turn."

"Y/N." You looked at Jaehwan and he shook his head, silently disapproving of your apology.

"Don't say things like that. You know you can ask anything you want."

"Especially if it's at Jaehwan's expense!"

You smiled and then caught yourself. When you looked up at Jaehwan he was rolling his eyes then making a gesture behind Penny's back as if he was going to attack her. His hands were up, curled as if he had claws and his teeth were bared.

"Jaehwan, do I need to talk to you privately later?"

"No, ma'am." Jaehwan straightened up immediately and stood still. You couldn't help but smile a bit. Jaehwan looked over at you and winked which only proved to widen your smile.

"There, all finished, sweet boy. Now, we just need to keep an eye on him until he wakes. Y/N, you should get some sleep." Penny tucked the blankets around Charlie and smoothed his hair out of his face.

"Oh, that's alright. I'll stay and watch him for a while. I don't want to leave him yet."

"Well, alright. I need to finish the last bit of laundry and then a few other things. Let me know if anything changes, I'll be back soon."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Penny, sweetheart, you call me Penny. We're family now."

[ithinkilikeit-reactions]

K-Pop life lessons (2 year old blog anniverary project)

I believe that music is something that can bring people together. I believe that the musicians we listen too and the things they create can teach us things. This goes for every genre, not just K-Pop. But there is a stigma around K-Pop of it just being men and women dancing around singing about ice cream, rainbows and happiness. It can be that, but it can be incredibly meaningfull and the artists teach us things. 

Here are some things I have learned: 

Monsta X , BTOB and Seventeen taught me that family isn’t just blood, it can go further than that. Your friends can become your family. 

SHINee and VIXX taught me that it’s perfectly fine to go against the grain of what others do. As long as you stay yourself. 

Day6 taught me that it’s okay to feel alone sometimes, but in the end you are never truly alone. 

Sistar, Girl’s Generation, AOA, Mamamoo etc have taught me that it’s okay to be confident and speak my mind when I feel like I am being done wrong. 

Here are some life lessons that other Kpop fans have chosen to share with me

“stray kids taught me that it's perfectly okay to be sad, depressed, or have anxiety because there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and so there's so many people just like me”

-@lysss-xo

“Super Junior taught me how to smile and laugh again after I had spent so much time barley going through the motions.”

-signed, A Shy Male ELF.

“VIXX and BTS taught me that even when you might feel down and think that nothing matters, eventually everything is going to get better.”

-        @michelleherrera16

“Day6 taught me that’s it’s okay to go at my own pace and everyone can feel lonely and thats okay Stray Kids thought me that everyone feels lost at some point and going into adulthood is scary and longing to go back to the easier days is normal”

-@its-simply-me19

“BTS taught me that I can't always think about everyone else, I'm young and I have my own dreams to go after. If I need it, I'll take the time to sort my sht out. That's thanks to SUGA's 'Nevermind'. Mikrokosmos made me realize I have a reason for being here right now, and my existence does matter. These two songs had lyrics that pulled me out of suicidal thoughts i'd been dealing with for 6 years. It’s so weird that certain lyrics had that effect on me. Although I still have depression and social anxiety, I’m slowly getting over it. I’m finding myself.”

-@moonkiddionysus17

“This is pretty basic, but BTS and Got7’s Jackson are teaching me to love myself since I hate myself to my core. It’s a long road but I know I’ll get there eventually ❤️⭐️”

-@broken-scene-queens 

“I know this isnt strictly what you asked butVixx and esp, Hakyeon inspire me. I see him being a leader and helping his members, vlogging, serving his country, moving out, spending time with friends and family, doing charity work in a very super low key way, being kind, gracious and just a lovely human being and it reminds me that's what I need to be. I want to inspire and carry myself with the level of maturity and grace he has.”

-anon

“Wanna One taught me the right way to life with memories, to not get stuck in the past holding onto memories crying because they're not coming back, instead I've learned to treasure memories and see them as something beautiful without pain, but with a smile on my face.”

-Anon

“VIXX and BTS showed me that there is nothing wrong with being sexually dominant and identifying as a woman -- their subby concepts gave me metaphorical wings. (my name is Coral but I don't have a tumblr I just check yours sorry)”

-Anon

“Monsta x and Dreamcatcher taught me to never give up on your dreams, no matter what anyone says, the amount of pain and heatbreak, or how long it takes. Dreamcatcher specifically taught me that it is okay to start over if what you were doing in your life did not turn out to be what you wanted. Sometimes it takes a little more time to figure yourself out before you are happy. ( Their story of how they went from Minx to Dreamcatcher really inspires me)”

-@brieflycraftycollectoruniverse 

“N.flying taught me that it’s okay to be weird, out of the box, and different. Taught me how to accept my weird personality and find others that accepted it as well.”

-anon

“So for me, it was VIXX. They were my first group and they came into my life at the right time. I had hit an all time low with my depression. 'Error' distracted me from the bad in the world and it was through them that I learned that there was still beauty in the world. Their lyrics inspired and Ravi in particularly inspired with his own struggles and his outlooks on life. I don't think I would be here or at least as happy as as stable as I am if it wasn't for them.”

-Anon

“A lot of the groups have fought me the families don’t end in blood, that you can make your own if needed, mainly 17 and Victon”

-🦋 anon

“iKON, EXO, and Monsta X taught me what a real family looks like, and how to support my fam through thick and thin. The most important lesson is that family doesn't end with blood, and sometimes it doesn't even start with blood. After all, the blood from a pact with your real family will always be thicker than the water of the womb.”

-@wynnewriteshq

“Red Velvet didn't really teach me much, but they gave me a reason to smile. Wendy said this on VLIVE a little after RV's 5th anniversary: "I will always be there for you, I will be there even when you leave because you can always come back to me." (paraphrasing) It made me cry a little on the inside because I found them the summer before I started high school. It was really rough but I had their music to make me happy.”

-Anon

“Tbh I got into kpop at a crazy time I'm a young mom and I felt so out of touch with who I am. It was more than one group, but the combination of "fun thing for me " and BTS had just started the love yourself series... it meant the world to me to remind myself that the me that exists under "mom" was worth love too.”

-Anon

“Got7 taught me that it's okay to have fun while chasing your dreams and ambitions. You're not doing anything wrong while having fun cause you're still on the path you wanna go. Even if there are people that don't believe in your dreams remember that you're doing for yourself, not for them. Do what makes you happy.”

-@ahgasedaa-mark

“Blackpink taught me to be the badass woman i am today. I think without them i would still be in my shell of depression and fear. Got7 didnt teach me anything they saved my life. Their music calms me and makes me feel loved with saying how beautiful, amazing, and perfect you are in their lyrics. I know it may sound cliche but their music has helped me a lot feel beautiful and good about myself. Bts did the same. both got7 and bts had taught me that i deserve better. They became my safe space when i have panic attack. They both helped me get me out of sexually abusive relationship and helped me gain the friends i have today. I have great friends that arent toxic and a closer relationship with my mom. I even met my boyfriend because without got7 and bts words i would have never gotten out of my house, get on dating sights, and go to japan. They have helped me immensely when i used to be shut in.”

-@kpopluvwriter

“RM of BTS reminded me that I love writing poetry to express the things I can't tell anyone. TOP of BIGBANG showed me that someone with anxiety issues can still do anything. Most of all, most of the groups I love have given me a community I can trust with more than just Kpop stuff- I feel safe telling fellow Kpop stans that I'm trans and nonbinary because I've seen such a supportive and loving community here.”

-Anon

“Kpop fan culture has taught me that you will always have a friend if you need one. Also that if someone is in distress another WILL come to help. Stray Kids, Bts, Seventeen etc.: have taught me that it’s okay to love myself and that if they love me I should love myself too.”

-@skylarrae168

“Stray kids taught me to never give up no matter how long it's going to take, it's okay to take your time and that no matter what I'm going through everything is going to be okay. Bts taught me that's it's okay to not have a dream and to just do whatever makes me happy and they also taught me how to be myself...like I should be always be myself and that there is nothing 'wrong' with me...if that make sense”

-@paigsa

“Kpop has taught me a lot of things subtly over the past couple years. But the ones I can really pick out are that. It taught me how not to give up on life when things get tough but just step back. It taught me how and when to cut out toxic people from my life. It taught me that I can still do so much despite my mental health and that my mental illnesses don't define me. It's also inspired me to start drawing again after a long bout of art block.”

-@z-stitch

“Kpop as a whole has taught me to be myself, to live more creatively and not to hide anymore.”

-@harmonal

Alot of these brought me to tears and I am so glad you all decided to participate in this and I really appreciate it. Please stick with me for the years to come ♥

[ogcassiopeia]

M+M Answers Kpop Questions

1.     Which group have you thought about stanning, but never seem to get around to it? 

I’ve essentially only ever stanned TVXQ and never deviated from that but I could totally see myself stanning Shinee or Monsta X.

2.     Do you have any irl friends that like kpop?

It depends on what you mean by irl. As of right now, I only have one irl friend, who lives in Canada, that enjoys kpop as much as I do. We met back in the early 2000s when both her and I were massively into TVXQ. She moved on to stanning BTS after TVXQ broke up but she still loves TVXQ and we talk about kpop and other life happenings often. The kpop friend I had here physically in my town with me eventually moved to a different city and we lost contact a few years ago. I am not even sure if she still enjoys kpop or not.

3.     How old were you when you first got into kpop?

Oh gosh…I think I was 13 at the time.

4.     What song(s) took you a while to warm up to? 

A lot of f(x)’s earlier stuff like Nu Abo and Chu as at the time when they came out I found them to be grating and irritating. Most girl group songs take me a while to get into since I am more of a boy group kind of kpop fan.

5.     Have you ever disliked a group/idol? If so, why? (You don’t have to say who it is if you’re scared of getting hate).  

I wouldn’t say I dislike or hate a lot of kpop singers/groups but I would say I am either just not a fan of their personalities and/or their work. For girl groups, I especially am not a fan of BlackPink, Red Velvet or Girls Generation. I like one of two of their songs, but I find their voices irritating and feel like their talents are limited. I do feel this way about some boy bands too…but the one I do not care for is one that I may regret speaking ill of due to their fanbase.  

6.     What annoys you the most about kpop?   

As of right now, it would be the fans. There seems to be constant harassment of people, celebrities or other fans who have differing opinions.  Just let people like who they like and hate who they hate. What does it matter if they don’t agree with you? If you like the boy group/girl group/solo singer GREAT...leave it at that. You don’t need to harass or bully someone else into liking your faves.

7.     What do you love the most about kpop?  

The music. It brings diversity and color into my consumed media and it’s just generally enjoyable pop music fluff that I do not get from American media.

8.     Do you only listen to kpop? 

Nope. I listen to all kinds of music outside of kpop.

9.     Who are you favorite western artists (if you have any)?   

Paperwhite, The Band CAMINO, The 1975, Bad Suns, Lennon Stella, LEON, ASTR, Ralph, The Midnight

10.  How long have you been into kpop? 

Since 2003…so it’s been a while…17 years or so. (P.S. I am old and boring.)

11.  What music did you used to listen to before getting into kpop? 

Mostly American pop music, J-pop, J-rock and indie-pop.

12.  What fandom(s) were you in before getting into kpop? Are you still in them?

I was super into anime and manga back then…I was a part of the Sailor Moon fandom and I still love me some Sailor Moon. I also really loved the Backstreet Boys and still do…I am going to their concert in August (as long as it doesn’t get cancelled due to coronavirus)!

13.  Which group did you used to think was overrated but ended up loving?   

Shinee

14.  Is there a kpop song that annoys you? If so, which one?  

Uhm…there are a lot of them. Some of the songs I find annoying are: I’ve Got A Boy + Oh! + Kissing You – Girls Generation, I Don’t Know What To Do – BlackPink, Everyday – WINNER, Snapping – Chungha, Dog and Cat – TXT, Seventh Sense - NCT  (I am sorry to all of you who may love those songs)

15.  What aspects of kpop make you cringe/feel secondhand embarrassment?  

The Aegyo and overly cutesy, child-like concepts that girl groups always seem to have to participate in. Even though I know it comes from cultural differences in sexual attractiveness (I lived in Japan for years...I’ve seen it first hand), it still just creeps me out. I don’t like it in J-pop either, btw.

16.  Which concepts do you love?  

I LOVE dark, sexy, horror-like concepts that have been used by groups like VIXX and Dreamcatcher. I also love slick, retro themed songs based in the swing/jazz age (Something or Spellbound – TVXQ) or 80s nostalgia (I Feel You – The Wonder Girls).

17.  Which concepts do you hate?   

Anything overly aegyo or cutesy.

18.  If you could trade places with an idol, who would it be?  

I would totally love to be in Shim Changmin’s shoes….being part of an idol group considered gods in the kpop realm.

19.  What do you look for in a bias?  

(1) Intelligence, (2) Sassy/Funny, (3) Honest, (4) Hardworking, (5) Talented, (6) Humble

20.  Which kpop company do you hate the most?  

Cube or Pledis

21.  What are you opinions on shipping?

It’s fine as long as fans don’t push participation of it onto the idols they’re shipping.

22.  How did you get into kpop?  

I saw a Kpop Countdown show on cable TV back in 2003 where they showed BoA and TVXQ and I was hooked instantly.

23.  Has anyone ever made fun of you or looked at you weird for liking kpop?  

I mean, yes…1000x yes, I was made fun of for loving kpop all the time. Once again, I got into kpop in 2003 y’all….which was before the internet was easily accessible in my home so I felt like the only person in America who liked kpop at the time. Not even my closest friends were into it and they felt like I was just a massive weirdo for loving it as much as I did. Thankfully, I found a community online of international kpop enthusiasts like myself to talk to in around 2005 (since I finally was able to save up for a bulky ass laptop) and that helped me feel less alone and bullied.

24.  What is the cringiest thing you did when you were starting to get into kpop? 

By the time kpop came into my life, I was already a set up Weeaboo, so…really I just became a deeper version of that…I was like an embarrassing kaiju cultural appropriation combo of Weeaboo and Koreaboo. I would make my own tshirts for TVXQ and just wear them out and about. They were SO BADLY MADE because I had no idea what I was doing but I thought I was so smart and stylish at the time. I also made CDs of Jpop and Kpop for people around school to hand out at lunch...I cringe just thinking about it.

25.  How long does it take you to learn the names of each member in a group?

I’ve stopped learning members names nowadays LOL…I am too old for that shit and just don’t care enough anymore. (For past reference though, it took me about one week to remember all of TVXQ.)

26.  Are you a gg, bg, or middle/coed stan? 

Boy group stan

27.  If you could hang out with one idol, who would you hang out with? 

Shim Changmin of TVXQ….he’s my forever bias and I wanna hang out with his puppies and have a meal with him...ask him what he wants to do with the rest of his life once idol-dom is over.

28.  Who is the bias to your third favorite group? 

I guess that would be Monsta X so…uhm…it was Wonho but apparently, he isn’t in the group anymore…

29.  What name from your native language would you give your ult bias? 

What would I name Changmin in English? He already has a stage name that’s in English, which is Max. I am not sure what this question is asking LOL  (also, who the fuck still calls Changmin, Max? I thought we dropped that shit back in 2006.)

30.  Thought on fanfiction/AUs/etc?  

I think it is great and gets fans to think more creatively and figure out where their talents lay! I used to write a lot of JaeMin and HoMin fanfiction back in the day…now I write mostly Destiel (Dean and Castiel from Supernatural) fanfiction.

[miramizar]

11 questions tag

I was tagged by @achenlove, @milky-waee, @conqueredthemagic and @notasiren21​! Haha this took such a long time to do and I know I’m terribly late but thank you for tagging me! I had lots of fun, even if answering all these combined took both time and energy haha~ 💕

Rules:

Post the rules Answer the questions given to you by the tagger. Write 11 questions of your own Tag 11 people

My Questions:

1) Sunny days or rainy days?

2) It’s saturday morning, you’ve slept in and you are free the entire day. What do you do?

3) If a book/tv-series you love doesn’t end happily, will you get angry and never read/watch it again?

4) You get to fill a bag with whatever candy you like from your local supermarket! What do you fill it with?

5) Have you ever played an instrument? (Singing also counts~)

6) What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you see the word “happiness”?

7) Recommend me a book!

8) If you were to start a new hobby, what would you do?

9) Do you have any favourite words? (doesn’t matter which language you choose!)

10) Tell me your favourite movie from Disney, Pixar and Studio Ghibli~

11) What encouraging words do you need to hear right now?

I’d like to tag @xiuminscheeks​, @ladyliliah​, @youngk-hun​, @qtpie1098​, @suhosmilitarywife​, @cottonhyun​​, @iyeolie​​​​, @bloomingyouths​​ and whoever wants to do this! 💞

My answers are under the cut if you want to read them! (^_^)💗

1. What´s a hidden talent of yours?  

Um, can shake my eyes and move my nostrils?

2. What makes you really really angry? 

Whenever things don’t go the way I want to (and I get angry at myself) and when people are being rude

3. If you got one wish, what would you wish for? 

For everybody to be happy~

4. Tell us the reason your bias is your bias! 

I just love everything about Junmyeon - his dorkiness, his big heart, how adorable he is, how thoughtful and stubborn he is, his beautiful smile... Everything really 💖 Jinki is so natural and warm and soft... Leo is a sweetheart, so kind and humble and open with his thoughts, and his smile is so beautiful my heart hurts 💘 for Mark, it’s how cute and hard-working he is, and how easy he finds things interesting and funny~ and Leeteuk is just a big, pretty ball of weird who manages to make me laugh at any time~ 💕

5. If you only could listen to one song for the rest of your life, what song would you choose? 

Oh my goodness I can’t answer that (>_<;)

6. If you were able to go on a date with your bias, what would you do and why?

Something calm, like visiting a café or a bookshop would be lovely~ (>///<)💘

7. What makes you happy? 

Seeing the people I love being happy and dorky 💖

8. Name 5 things you wouldn´t be able to live without! 

My family, music, books, candy and nature 💚

9. You´ve just won 1 million dollars, what do you do with them? 

Probably pay off my family’s loans, use a little of it to buy myself books and cute things and such, and then give the rest to charity~

10. Tell us 3 things your followers doesn´t know about you! 

Ahh, well I just started painting with watercolours (I’m truly a beginner but it’s fun so far~), I know enough japanese to understand what’s going on in un-subbed shows, and I really like planning things out but actually doing them is hard (>w<)❣️

11. What is your dream, your goal in life?

I don’t really know... I want to make people happy, of course... I haven’t thought beyond that really, maybe I should do that...

~Next set of questions!~

1 RANDOM QUESTION BUT: what would you name your dog if you had one??? (I need suggestions)

Ahah I do have one and his name is Picasso!

2 Favourite pic/gif/MEME of your bias? 

adhgfaoad I love all pictures of my biases but I love these a lot!!

3 what would you say to your bias if you had the chance to talk to them (like, you meet them while they’re drinking a coffee and you just pass by and you exchange a few words)

I would say thank you for working so hard and for always thinking of us fans, and that I treasure them a lot 💕

4 Chen’s “Ah waeeeee” or Xiumin’s “marshmallow~ marshmallow~”?

They’re both cute!! In different ways! But I guess “marshmallow~”? (>^<)💞

5 “Yo, nice skirt” or “up and down like a rollercoaster”?

up and down like a rollercoaster 🎶

6.Do you like pineapple on your pizza? Please be honest.

Yup! 🍍❤️ 🍕~

7 What’s your favourite girl group?

I don’t really like that many girl groups but I’m currently looking into Mamamoo and Brown Eyed Girls~

8 would you let Pcy punch you in the face killing you instantly? (this is important)

Um, If he has to? But preferably not :>

9 You’re in Baek’s room and he’s asleep next to Mongryong. He looks like an angel.Would you rather fall asleep next to him hugging him or steal Mongryong and start running as fast as you can? :=))))

Sleep next to him, definitely! 

10 What’s your favourite MV??

I really like Overdose, For life and Universe~

11 It’s 3 am and you hear strange noises from the apartment in front of yours: it’s Suho dancing to Red Velvet’s Red Flavor. Would you join him or throw a shoe at him?

Join him!! ❤️

~Next set of questions!~

1. Original bias in your ult group?

Junmyeon~

2. How did you get into kpop?

My youngest sister is into dancing and she found some cool videos on youtube one day, showed me and the rest is history 💫

3. What’s the best way kpop has changed your life?

It gave me friends, let me grow closer to my sisters and inspired me in an otherwise very grey reality 💕

4. If you could start your own group, what concept would you have and what position would you hold?

I’d probably be the exasperated leader (I took a quiz recently so I got proof) for a group that makes music that is both soft and happy, and a bit dark and upbeat~ ❣️ Maybe a little like VIXX’s style?

5. Fave look of your bias? (Era wise)

This.

6. Fave pet of the members?

All of them! 💓

7. Fave mv of your ultimate group?

I already answered this, but they’re all really nice so it’s hard to just pick one... Maybe Universe, since it’s so aesthetically pleasing and also pretty deep? :> 

8. Favorite fanfic??

That’s something for another post haha but oh well, I really love “Got hands like the ocean” by apaixono, it has me squealing and laughing and crying and everything in between~ 💕

9. Have you seen your bias group live?

Nope - even though they were really close to me when they were in Germany, I didn’t have enough money to go :<

10. Favorite EXO blogs and why?

uh... I think they’re all great? I mean, both the ones creating stuff and those who reblog things... we’re all important to the fandom ❣️

1. Describe yourself with 3 words

Kind, creative, insecure

2. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My self-confidence... if I had more of it I think I would be happier... 

3. What do you do to make yourself happy when you´re sad? 

Look at fun things that my favourite kpop-groups do, Gaki no Tsukai, Yoon Siyoon, reading and being creative (when it works out, if it doesn’t I just get more sad 💘), being with my family and pets~

4. If you could meet your 5-year old self, what would you say to her/him? 

You’re great just the way you are, don’t ever forget that 💝

5. What is you biggest fear? 

Ending up alone... and accidentally hurting people :<

6. When did you start listen to kpop?

In the spring of 2016 I think?

7. If you could meet your bias for a minute, what would you say to him/ her?

Thank you for everything you do and for thinking about your fans, I'm so happy to know you 💓

8. Name 3 people you admire

Apart from all the amazing kpop people ahah (>w<) Well, Itzhak Perlman, Aki (manga artist) and the crown princess of Sweden~

9. What´s the sound you like the most? 

The wind blowing through things; like trees and grass and wind chimes~

10. If you got one wish, what would you wish for? 

Everybody’s happiness~

11. What would you do if you were invisible for a day?

Read somewhere in a corner I guess... maybe check out some stores, some are so crowded that I just feel like I’m being in the way if I go inside so I don’t, but if I were invisible I could actually do it... I don’t really know haha 💕

~Next set of questions!~

1. Who is your favourite EXO-CBX member and why?

They’re all amazing, but I choose Xiumin - because he’s so soft and full of surprises! 💜

2. Who in your bias group would you like to be your best friend?

Oh... well I’m very similar to D.O so maybe D.O? (>v<)💖

3. Who is your NCT bias (if you have one)?

Mark~

4. What is your favourite food?

Steak with potatoes, gravy and lingonberry jam~ ❤️

5. Favourite thing about your bias -personality wise?

All of my biases try really hard, they’re very kind and spontaneous and aren’t afraid of being dorky~ 💗

6. What’s your favourite body part of your bias?

Okay this is really embarrassing (/▽＼*)｡o○♡ I’m not really one to like specific body parts but I kind of love Jinki’s thighs because they look healthy? ajfdaihfba

7. Favourite colour?

Soft and bright ones, like white, light blue and light purple~

8. Who has the best humour in your bias group?

Suho is the funniest in EXO, period. (>w<)💕 but yeah, I find all my biases the most fun in all of my favourite groups~

9. What’s your favourite animal?

Cats ✨

10. Would you rather go on an ice cream date or a coffee-shop date with your bias?

I’m happy to do either, as long as I get to be with my bias (>///<)❣️

11. How do you feel about beans?

...not really a fan. Hide it in other food and I’ll eat it, otherwise I won’t eat it.

~Next set of questions!~

1) Your favorite quote that grounds you to being yourself?

Oh, that’s a good question... maybe “You doubt your value. Don’t run from who you are.” It’s a quote from the Narnia books that I really like, and since I struggle a lot with self-loathing it is very important to me since it makes me remember that I am valuable~ 💫

2) Ultimate ship you’re fond of and love?

This is pretty much impossible to answer because I have wayyyyy to many ships and I can’t choose just one of them adjfbnaidfad

3) Favorite soulmate AU type? (I.e. name on wrist, heterocrhomia eyes of your other half’s, seeing color for the first time)

I like all of them but I haven’t heard of the heterochromia one, that sounds really beautiful!

4) Favorite show of yours that you love that’s not in your first language?

Merlin. I like a lot of shows but Merlin is the one I keep coming back to. ✨

5) Your white noise show? (Go to show you can rewatch countless times and tune in and out of)

SCRUBS. Definitely. It’s such a great show, perfectly balanced between humour and seriousness and almost every episode works well on it’s own so no matter when you decide to watch you’ll have a nice time~

6) Fictional character you wish was real to validate your unnecessary crush?

Oh, I don’t really fall in love with fictional characters? I just ship them with people from their own universe haha (^^;)

7) A weird phobia you have that you can’t explain?

I have phobias, but I don’t know if they’re un-explainable... like my fear of insects can be explained by me getting stung by a bee when I was little...

8) Sweets or Sours?

I like both, but I’’ll say sweets! 🍬

9) Are you an artist, writer, musician, or part of the adoring audience who supports them?

...I’m a bit of them all? I play the violin so I am a musician, and I like to write and I always support other artists 💗

10) Favorite band?

I love a lot of Kpop groups, and apart from that... musically or personality-wise? Because musically I’d say any group made by Alexander Bard, but personality-wise... Westlife? Maybe??

Congratulations for reading all of those messy answers! (>W<) You’re amazing~ Have a nice day! 💖

[gamerwoo]

I hit 3k this morning (and then fell back to 2,998 and then back up to 3k) so to celebrate another big milestone, I thought I should go through and make a list of some of my favorite blogs and mutuals that I love and appreciate :] (featuring lil notes for my favorite faves at the bottom). I’ll probably miss some people since I’m throwing this together and because a lot of people have changed their urls (and I might accidentally mention people twice bc some of y’all have sideblogs and such and I cannot keep track I’m so sorry), but thank you to every single person who follows me for all the love and support for my content. I appreciate it more than I can express! 💗

[italic names are mutuals, bold names are blogs that have my fave content, hearts are for those w a message at the end uwu. and I’m sorry if I didn’t put as mutuals when we actually are because sideblogs are hard to keep track of]

♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡

#-D:

@1ightsaber | @2miin | @baekwell--tart ❤ | @blossomjeno | @candiedmingyu | @checkin-london | @cheolsbae | @cupcakewoozer | @dreamjunhui ❤

E-I:

@fay-land​ | @felixsfxckingfreckles​ | @floodlitesc​ ❤ | @gaegurikyu ❤ | @gayforseungcheol​ | @grekirikka​ | @gyuhao-kisses​ | @heartskun​ ❤ | @hoshees​ | @hoshiandhearts 

J-N:

@jamjamismyjam​ | @je0nghans​ | @jejublr​ | @jeonghnassi​ | @jeon-wonwon​ | @jinslefteyebrow​ | @kwonsoonshine​ | @linm0mo | @middle-of-a-wonshua-sandwich | @moonlight-jiggy​ | @mukeovernetflix​ | @nct-tae-yong | @nervousatthenightclub​ | @neverknewgrey2016 ❤ | @nunupillie 

O-R:

@oksws​ | @ourstarrywonder​ | @purpleseleva | @queenaliceofthenight | @realstraykids | @ripperoonii​ ❤ | @royalbins​ 

S-V:

@sadienita ❤ | @sefuns​ | @serendipitioustaehyung | @shuvee​ | @smilesohwas​ | @smut-wars​ | @softhaos | @softseventeens​ ❤ | @soft-pentagon | @softwonwoo | @softyexo | @soonyoungz​ | @sparklekook​ | @strgaykids​ | @sugahoshi-t​ | @sundropsoo | @sunburnt4junghoseok | @vixx-me-up 

W-Z:

@wonholdmyheart​ | @wonnhao​ | @wooshooook | @wooyu-niverse | @yeo1 | @yeosprout | @ziyanqyanq

♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡

To Bella: The sassiest, sauciest bitch (and I mean that endearingly). My girl, you are so talented, I’m jealous. Like, your writing is just...it’s art. I could never. Plus, I don’t know of many people who could write while also keeping up with a child. You’re really super mom, and I really gotta give you props for that. I know you’ve been going thru it lately, but you’re a strong, badass bitch, and I know you’ll get through it. I’m always here for you like you’ve been there for me in the past. and if you ever need me to throw hands at any rude ass anons, I’m your gal. 💕

To Ryan: MY SON!!!! I know you know I’d kill and die for you, but friendly reminders are always nice. I really can’t believe we became friends over some svt booty discourse because you are the most pure n precious bean ever. I feel extra protective of you because you’re like my baby brother or something, and like I get really sad when I see you upset (even though I suck w advice and I feel like I never reply wow world’s worst friend award @ me) but I hope you know I’m always going to be here for you, and I swear that one day I will give you the world’s biggest hug. 💘

To Rii: My big ray of sunshine :’). Even though I don’t think we’ve spoken much as of late, talking to you always makes me feel better. You always cheer me on with my writing and reassure me it’s not hot garbage, but honestly, I’m just trying to be as good of a writer as you. You’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, and you’re absolutely adorable, and I love hearing the lil stories from your everyday life that you randomly tell me. I hope you know how much you mean to me, and I hope that you still know that even when my dumb ass forgets to reply lmao. I love you!! 💝

To Koko: The ultimate meme lord. I know we don’t speak as much as we used to, but you’re one of those people that you can’t help but still feel close to just because you’re so...good? Like, I don’t know how to explain it other than that. You’re just so sweet and caring and you’ve always been somebody to try to cheer up others (usually with A+ memes). I love whenever you send me things on twitter (even if it’s of breadstick demon) because like, just that you think of me makes me so happy, and I hope you know that I’m always here for you for literally anything. You’re one of my favorite people. 💖

To Raven: My sweet child :’) (everybody is my child omfg I’m so old). You’re so creative and you’re so helpful and it’s so cute because you love to help and it comes in handy for somebody like me who’s ???? about everything. I’m still forever grateful of your hand in SEVENDREAM tbh, and all of the lil oneshots and such I’ve done before. You always send in requests which makes me happy, but you’re also always there for me whenever I’m feeling down. You are the most adorable lil bean and I’m so thankful to have a friend like you. 💟

To Star: I know you’re the mom, but I always feel a lil weird calling you mom. So, uh...Star. My main bitch. My ride or die. My go-to for just about everything. I know we have like, 4 years between us, but I feel so so so close with you. You’re the one I go to for writing help, for editing, for overall advice, and lately, I can even go to you for Spongebob memes which like, 12/10 friendship right there. You always know how to cheer me up, and you always encourage me to do whatever it is I want to do. You may torture me with breadstick and tree demon, but I love you all the same. 💜

To Cady: Oh my god, my lil cutie pie. I think you were like, the first friend I ever made on here??? That’s a throwback. But listen, I know you’re busy with school and sports and everything, but that doesn’t change anything. We may not talk all the time since you’re busy and I’m busy (and also forgetful; very, very forgetful) but I still care about you so much. I know you get stressed out with things sometimes, but just know I’m always rooting for you, and I’ll always be here if you need anything. I love you so much!! 💞

To Mercy: My sweet, pure lil bean. You’re possibly a real angel?? You’re so sweet and you’re so wise?? Like, I don’t know if I’ve ever described anybody as wise, but it seems fitting. You speak like you’ve lived for years sometimes and it’s amazing. You’ve always been there to help me out with my own mental health, and I hope I can be that friend for you (even if I have no idea how to advice). You’re such a talented writer, and an amazing person all around. You deserve only the best things in life. 💌

To Ellie: My precious gumdrop. You were one of my OG anons back in the day, and now look at us :’). I can’t imagine not having you as a friend, honestly. You’re hilarious, you’re sweet, you love to torture me with Wonwoo but it’s okay because I love you (and secretly love when you torture me, there I said it 😤). I still feel bad about that one time I didn’t know your name bUT I KNOW IT NOW and I promise, I’m still working on that nickname for you. I just want it to be perfect. Like you. I’m sorry, I had to go for the cheesy line. ANYWAY, I love you a lot. 💛

[straymonbap]

could i request a friends to lovers scenario/bullet list with ravi where you're also a producer? thank you~

i’m not sure if you can call this friends to lovers but i tried my best! also am so excited that ravi is on his first solo europe tour and that i’m getting to meet and see him in less than two weeks!!! 

also this got a bit long

ravi friends to lovers!au producer!au

you had first worked with jellyfish as a company from back home in your homecountry

you had been a part of the producers who made Eternity album

the song you helped out most with had been Love, Lalala

so that had been the first time you were in contact with vixx as a group

after that you had worked with multiple other kpop groups  

soon your name was bouncing back and forth between albums and companies

jelpi were the first one to actually offer you a position

they offered you a deal to come work with them in seoul

and they promised that you’d be allowed to work with other companies too

and so you took up on that offer

in two months time you were flying across the world to seoul

jelpi had gotten you your own officetel apartment

and you even had your own studio

it was small but it was perfect for you

in just about a week you had made the studio more homey

from the start there was only a desk

a chair

a mic

computer

and the other technology to make music

but after that week there were red dimming lights

a succulent

a lava lamp

a few posters

and a couch

that was one of your fave spots

but it was difficult being the new one in the office

and if that didn’t help

the fact that you didn’t speak almost any korean

yikes

but you had started working with people already

you helped producing on roll deep with hyuna

honestly by monsta x

debut song glassbead by gfriend

turn me back by 1punch

that song was my jam

i’m a woman too by minah

just tell me by myname

and many more

but you didn’t meet a lot of the artists themselves

most often you met with their company representatives and producers

you were happy to see the songs do well

and when they were on tv promoting you’d atleast watch every performance of the song for the comeback week

but you still felt kind of lonely after three months in seoul

you had met the artists of jelpi a handful of times

but never really started hanging out with them

but that all changed

you were sat in your chair in your studio

feet propped up on the edge of the chair as your fingers worked the keyboard

you were interrupted by a knock on the door

you weren’t even sure if it had really been a knock

because the music had been so loud

but you stopped and turned around

and through the blurry glass window you could see someone standing on the other side

“come in” you yelled

carefully the door opened and none other than the rapper of vixx peeked in

“oh, hello”

you were quickly up on your feet and bowing to him

he gave you a slight bow and cleared his throat

“am i.. i.. you’re busy?” he struggled with his english

“no, i’m not busy.”

“i need help”

so with that you had followed him to his studio one floor up

somehow you understood eachother

he had tried explaining that he needed help with a track he was making

you were seated in an office chair he had hastily gotten from another room

he was playing one of his tracks that he had gotten stuck with it

leaning forward slightly in the chair you watched the track on the screen and listened to the song

there was definitely something missing

when the song ended you continued looking at the screen

ravi turned to look at you beside himself

he had known about you since a little before you came to jelpi

and since a lot of the songs you had been part of were out he hoped you’d be able to help

you shuffled your chair forward and looked at him

“may i?” you reached for the mouse and he let go of it

you smiled before going to the start of the track you bit your lip

you pulled his music board a bit closer to yourself

turning it on you tested out a few notes

finding what you were looking for you tried out a few melodies before recording snippets

ravi watched you work

your fingers were moving back and forth over the board

your hand moving your sound clips on the computer

five minutes later you hit play

the song started

in silence the two of you listened to it

the horror movie soundtrack effects (I DO NOT KNOW MUSIC ALRIGHT) you had added in the back gave the song a new feel

you hid the lower half of your face behind your sleeve covered hand

when the song ended ravi smiled and leaned back in his chair

“thank you” he said

you let out a breath

and that was how you had become a co-producer to ghost

when the album of vixx lr finally released in august you had been invited to the debut showcase

you had been on the second floor of the hall

and you had been amazed when he performed it

the song had turned out even better than what you remembered

after the evening of making ghost you and ravi had started hanging out a bit

first you two always greeted eachother in the hallways of the company

then ravi started coming by late at night to check if you were still around

which you often were

while he promoted with leo on lr you didn’t see eachother that much

and you went back to doing music alone

when they won 1st he had sent you a picture of the award

you had managed to send him ‘congrats’ in korean with some party popper emojis after some googling

and he had let out a chuckle in the car beside leo when he received your message

it was weird how you and ravi had somehow clicked

when they a few days later ended their promotions he was back at the company again

you were sitting in your studio when there was a knock on the door

“come in” you yelled

but you didn’t turn your head until you finished what you had just started changing

when you finally turned around ravi was standing by the door

“oh, hi ravi” you said and shot him a smile

“are you working?” he asked and stepped towards you

his eyes glanced curiously at your computer and you smiled

“yes. i’m almost finished”

he nodded and sat down in the two seater couch you had somehow squeezed into the room

you did some few adjustments before saving it for safety

“want to hear it?”

he nodded and you hit play

the music was done for the song

you just needed to find someone who wanted the song

and the lyrics

ravi sat quietly listening to the music and before it even got halfway he turned to you

“can i have this?”

you looked over at him with furrowed your brows

from what you knew of ravi and vixx then this was nothing that you would hear from them

“for vixx or for…?”

“for vixx” he said and you shrugged

“sure”

you also had another song for vixx that you had made

and that was how ravi had gotten heaven to vixx

and how you had given them chained up

working along with ravi became a weekly thing

up until the comeback with chained up

during their time of promotions you barely saw him

or the other members of vixx for that matter

basically you and ravi would start producing music together

sometimes you would sneak over to his studio with your laptop

sometimes he would come to yours

then at times he would be away

to japan, china, america

just around the world

but the two of you would keep contact

through kakaotalk

and your korean started improving a lot

you had started going to morning classes at a language school just a few blocks away

and you always tried your best to talk in korean with ravi

and writing for that matter

you didn’t know what to call your relationship to ravi

you would have said you were friends if it was someone else

but since he was famous you felt weird calling it friendship

you thought that he probably just saw you as a collegue

but when vixx released zelos album

and they were asked about their title ‘dynamite’ in an interview

and he said that his friend composed the song

aka you

then you felt your heart swell with happiness

that summer you worked a lot

you helped with still lonely and chuck with seventeen

ex girl with monsta x and wheein

good luck by aoa

l.i.e by exid

say yes by sistar

but mainly with gugudan’s debut song wonderland

you had once again been invited to the showcase

the girls were sooooo nice

you had actually been the main producer of the album

it had been a stressful two months until the debut

and when it was finally out you were so happy

ravi had even passed by your studio late the night of the release of gugudan’s album

with flowers to you

when he had stepped in and you saw the flowers he held out to you you couldn’t help but let out a laugh

“thank you” you said and took the flowers from him

july for you had been busy

you had once again helped out with a lot of songs

some of them were

u and me, and freaky by hyuna

love paint by nu’est

who’s that by got7

fanfare by sf9

a lot more were produced and released

but once november rolled around and vixx ended their promotions for kratos your life went back to not as busy

as vixx didn’t promote anything you and ravi were back again to working together

but ravi was busy

he was preparing his second album but no one really knew about it

you were one of the people he had told

most evenings you let him be by himself

you guessed that the album was personal to him so you didn’t want to disturb him

but ravi missed your presence

over the summer and beginning of fall the two of you had grown even closer

there had been moment when you were stuck with songs

like when working on queen for monsta x

when you just had to get away from you work for a while

and you had always ended up knocking at his studio door

he always let you in

and most times you ended up laying on his couch

while ranting to him

most times in english

he understood your worries partly

but he always listened

he would watch you ramble on with a soft smile on his lips

he always stopped everything he was doing

the worst thing that had happened was when you were producing skydive for b.a.p

he had found you crying out of frustration under your desk in your studio

you had just been so frustrated because it felt like nothing worked

and you had a deadline for that song coming up

you had just been so stressed

at first ravi had let out a laugh when he saw your legs sticking out from under the table

but when he had seen your tear streaked face he had quickly changed

“hey, what’s wrong?” he had squatted down in front of you

you had pulled the hood of your shirt down over your face

“nothing is working” you had mumbled

ravi had sat with you for a while

neither of you had said anything

“come here” he had said and taken a hold of your hand that was resting beside you

he had pulled you out from under the desk and given you a long hug

it had felt nice

comforting

then he had dried your cheeks

lowered your hood and patted your head

not much had actually been said the rest of the night but you had somehow gotten strength from him

you had ended up finishing skydive and also another song that you sent along with skydive to ts

the next day ravi had appeared the next evening with fried chicken in your studio

with your quickly improving korean you and ravi managed to actually hang out a lot

now back to him missing your company

ravi was listening to one of his tracks that he had finished

he tried to finish the lyrics

but he couldn’t concentrate

he could only think about the fact that you hadn’t come by his studio in over a week

it was already the beginning of december and you had decided that you would not go back home to visit your parents over christmas that year

instead you’d work

you were currently working on the song that would later become dreamcatcher’s chase me

you were in the middle of doing the piano intro when there was a knock on the door

“come in” you yelled out

ravi couldn’t help the small smile on his face when he heard your voice through the door

he opened the door and stepped in

glancing over your shoulder you shot him a smile before finishing on your computer and turning towards him

“hi” you said

“hi” ravi said and sat down on the armrest of your couch

“is everything coming along well?” you asked and he nodded

“feeling stressed?”

“a little bit” he admitted and you nodded

the two of you somehow ended up at a restaurant not far away from the company

over some stew and a few bottles of soju you two talked about music and producing

both of you were just a teeny tiny bit drunk when you walked back to the company

and you both fell asleep in his studio

you on his couch and him in his chair

in the morning when he woke up you had already sneaked off and he was left alone in his studio

in your slightly hangover state you had managed to actually make something decent and later the following spring it had become got7’s paradise

ravi had also made a song

and the lyrics had come to him immediately

he then sat on this song for few weeks before it was announced that he would be releasing his album r.eal1ze

you had been part of the album making with home alone

two days before his solo concerts started he had texted you

asking you to come to his studio

and so you had

you had knocked carefully on the door before entering

the second ravi had hit send on the text message he had tossed his phone away from him

he had gotten nervous and the moment you opened the door he could feel his hands almost start shaking

he had busied himself with clicking through his computer

he had everything ready already but he wanted to distract himself for a few seconds more

you sat down on his sofa

he finally turned towards you and you smiled at him

“are you nervous for you concert?” you asked and he smiled

he shook his head before sitting up a little bit in his chair

“i wanted to show you one of the songs before it’s released” he said

he clicked a little bit on his computer before the music started and his voice started talking

then what you recognised as ken’s song started singing

you tried listening to the lyrics

for 4 minutes the two of you sat in silence as the song played

the lyrics were about being in love with someone who necessarily isn’t good for you

when the song ended the two of you sat in silence for a while

you weren’t really sure how to take it

the song had already been given the okay from the company and was already deemed as finished

but the lyrics were somewhat telling

but once again you didn’t want to think too hastily

“i made it for you” ravi said silently as he turned towards you

his gaze was on a point beside you on the couch

you looked up at him

was this a type of confession?

“what?” you asked silently

he leaned back in his chair and ran a hand over his face

“i made this song for you. it’s my confession song to you” he said and you could now see how nervous he was

you sat silent for a while again

now staring down at the floor

ravi felt how his nervousness just increased

to not have to look at your direction he turned back towards his computer

“can you play it again?” you asked and he nodded silently before hitting play again

you listened even more intently to the song

ravi was staring at his screen intently

maybe his idea had been stupid

you probably didn’t like him the same way

and now you’d probably never come back to his stu-

his thoughts were interrupted when he felt your arms wrap around his neck from behind in a hug

you had gotten up and sneaked up behind him

wrapped your arms around his neck in a backhug

and leaned your chin on his shoulder

“thank you” you said and pressed a soft kiss onto his temple

ravi couldn’t help the relieved sigh and smile that came

you felt him relax and you unwrapped you arms around him

he turned his chair around so that he was facing you before he stood up

“is it okay if i kiss you?”

you could only nod

the next second his hands were cupping your cheeks

and the next his lips were against yours in a soft kiss

[scoundrels-in-love]

I’m gonna send the music off anon instead. Hahaha. Hmmm... There’s no limit of how many can I send, right? So here: dodie clark’s In the Middle. The entire Alan Walker’s Different World album. Take That’s We All Fall Down/Giants/Let In the Sun/Patience. (I’m a sucker for Take That’s songs!!!) Leo’s Free Tempo. VIXX’s Walking/Saboten. (You bet I’m gonna throw in a vixx song there lmao)

No limit as far as I know, sweets! Thank you so much!!

Dodie Clark’s In The Middle was recced to me by dear friend a good while ago and it’s not quite my thing, but it’s good inspiration and just really suits my friend, so I am fond of it. (Also it gets major kudos for message it conveys.)

Actually listened to entire Alan Walker’s new album when you mentioned it while ago and had it on loop for a good bit!! Sing Me To Sleep is a song that gave me inspiration flow through writing something I still enjoy year+ later so I was glad to see more music from him. And I was not disappointed! Gotta go through lyrics sometime.

Take That bunch - Hmm, most of them skeeter on edge of my ‘feelin’ it’ sphere. Ooh nevermind, I do love Patience and it’s one of those songs on ‘I know it and like it a lot, but haven’t looked up per-say’. I appreciate lyrics in all of them and Let In The Sun is probably second favorite.

Also I’d expect no less from you.

Leo’s Free Tempo is nice, pleasant I will put this in bg and bop my head along a bit type of song. The lyrics suit the sound very well and it’s just Pleasing.

Walking is... Okay, you got me with the slower but powerful sound!! Started off in Pleasant area and then went all the way to Oooh, when Leo started singing. Bookmarking it as well, to give proper read to lyrics and allot in my feels/inspiration scale. It gotta end up somewhere there.

Saboten got me headjamming with first notes, then it went to more regular beat, and very soft, but I like it. Still swaying my head along, mhm. Love the beat pick up later on and yes, I think it’ll get bookmark too.

Tom Walker’s Leave the Lights On that you threw in as bonus just now - I’ve definitely heard this and I like it, just haven’t like... googled and bookmarked. He has a distinctive voice that I know I like quite a few songs on but usually end up forgetting about them by time I can look them, oops. But I really do dig this one, going to bookmarks now for sure.

Send me a song rec?

[honey-and-bi]

About me Tag (ig?)

Rules: Tag 15 people you want to know better.

I was tagged by: @prodgray ayyyy!! I agree about the squad!

Relationship Status: Single Pringle (thx to my friend for this name)

Favourite colours: Bright colours! Used to be red, but I tend more towards orange and yellow nowadays ^^

Lipstick or Chapstick: I should put on chapstick more often but I wear neither

Favourite Food: My grandparents’ paella and my mum’s cheese and ham pasta

Song(s) stuck in my head: “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” from P!atdD is stuck way too often in my head for my own good -_-

Last movie I watched: I just rewatched Spider-man: Homecoming to cope with having a crush on a straight girl again lmao

Top 3 TV shows: I don’t watch many shows? I stick to Doctor Who and Sherlock, but I’ll add the Simpsons as well ^^ I do want to watch Stranger Things and Sense8 tho!!

Books I’m currently reading: Too many to list, but mainly “L’extraordinaire Voyage du Fakir qui était resté coincé dans une Armoire Ikea” (”The Extraordinary Journey of the Fakir Who Got Trapped in an Ikea Wardrobe”) from Romain Puertolas

Last thing I googled: "To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” bc I thought it was a series but then I read smth that made me guess it was a film and I wanted to check lol

Time: 17:51 (5:51PM)

How many blankets do you sleep in: One, but it has 2 layers that you can clip or declip to/from each other. I use the 2 layers during winter and the thin one during summer

Dream Trip: World. Trip.

Anything you really want: My mum finding the good one for her and my grandma staying healthy for a lot longer

Age: I’m only 17 and I only got a few dollars! ♪♫♪

Birthplace: Somewhere in Brussels

Current time: 17:55 (5:55PM) (Isn’t that the same question as “Time”??)

Drink you had last: Chicken soup >->

Easiest person to talk to: My 2 closest friends? It depends on the topic :/

Favourite song(s): There are a lot?? I’ll keep it as short as I can XD

Axelle Red - Naïve

SHINee - Tell Me What To Do

Day6 - You Were Beautiful (and all their songs tbh)

BTS - Young Forever, Run

Ed Sheeran’s entire discography

Jonghyun - Aurora

MGMT - Time To Pretend

EXID - Night Rather Than Day

Lee Changsub - At The End

BtoB - Yes I Am

NCT 127 - Touch (I’m a soft stan, I can’t help it)

Khan - I’m Your Girl?

Those are actually songs with a special memory linked to them mostly? There are litt so many songs I enjoy but those have something... different ^^

Grossest memory: When I was 11 or 12, my mum had bought a big ring that was as big a third of her finger. She never took it off and one day she hit herself. It hurted a bit but she didn’t pay much attention to it. It kept on hurting so a couple days later she finally removes the ring and she actually had a huge infection. She called me while sitting in the bathroom and told me what it was. She then proceeded to show me what she had and explained to me that I’d have to put disinfectant in the wound. I’m not grossed out easily but that was pretty disgusting.

Hogwarts house: Gryffindor with a dash of Hufflepuff but I’m too proud of a lion tbh

In love?: I keep on having crushes on het girls *shrugs*

Jealous of people?: Nah not really... I’m more the envious type tho

Killed someone?: Only in my head

Love at first sight or walk by again?: I have easily crushes but I don’t fall i love that quickly so walk by again fella

Middle name: Lea and Fatima :)

Number of siblings: 1 half sister and 2 half brothers + 3 step brothers (the joys of recomposed families)(don’t know how long the 3 step brothers will stick around tho)

One wish: Stop having abandon fear

Person you last called: My mum, just like every day. She’s the only person I call along with my grandma XD

Questions you’re asked the most: What I want to do as a job later and which school year I’m in :/ Crazy how people never ask the important questions

Reasons to smile: Music, The Doctor, Tom Holland and my friends (both IRL and online)

Song you last sang: I don’t know??? I listen to music 24/7 but I don’t remember what was the last one I sang along to?? Probably Vixx’ “Hot Enough”

Time you woke up: 9:30 but I stayed in bed until 10:00 huhu

Underwear color: Grey (I know, boring)

Vacation destination: I really want to go to Scotland??? Also Spain, Italy, Sicily, Greece?? Go and walk through smol streets or lay on the beach with a sandwich with tuna (childhood memories in Spain, at my grandparents’ haha)

Worst habit: Which one is worse between overthinking and procrastinating?

X-rays?: I had only one, when I was 5 I think. Was of my head, but I don’t remember why lol

Zodiac signs: Aquarius and that’s all I know

Tagging: @a-godchend @mawrklee @dreams-help-101 @my-woozi-happiness and @xxanimeliaxx Those aren’t 15 people I’m sorry -_-”

[joons-expensive-gurl]

My Honest Opinion on 2018 BTS

Disclaimer: I am not making this post to hate on BTS, BH, or even ARMY. I, myself, am a huge ARMY, I love our boys so so so much and everything I’m about to say is just my own opinion. Please respect it. It’s okay if you disagree and if you want to share your own opinions, that’s fine. Please don’t send me hate, I only want to talk about what I believe is the truth. Also a post-writing comment, I get pretty angry so yeah... don’t read if you get triggered easily. I’m pretty blunt this evening with my feelings regarding BTS and BH.

~^*^~

So, I’m going to begin this pretty bluntly by saying that this past year has been pretty disappointing for me as an ARMY. Despite BTS being able to perform at the BBMAs, win another award there, do all of this amazing stuff internationally, LY: Her and LY: Tear have let me down in terms of BTS albums. At the time of their releases, I hyped up the songs and the albums, but truth be told, my LY: Her album isn’t even on my phone - I haven’t even put the CD into my computer and I didn’t even bother buying LY: Tear though I do plan on getting it simply for Anpanman, Airplane P.2 and Paradise. These two albums have been, in my own opinion, some of BTS’ worse works (including Expensive Girl and Trouble).

This is not BTS’ fault. I do not blame them at all. This is all down to BigHit slowly becoming more power and money hungry as time goes on. I mean, BH has even let Homme flop (I haven’t heard anything about them in a long time so I’m guessing they disbanded bc BH only care about BTS). You see, Wings was the last great album BTS ever produced. It featured a song composed entirely by every member, sung only by every member and gave them all their own little spotlights. We also got TWO songs dedicated to ARMY, the iconic Cypher 4 and Am I Wrong. All of these songs were all phenomenal and this comeback took my breath away. Never mind Boy Meets Evil (I love it so much) and Ofc BS&T, their last amazing title track.

You see, after Wings, this is where BTS’s fame really began to pick up overseas. Sure, they were huge in Korea, but EXO are still considered the nation’s boys (even after Ko Ko Bop and Lotto...) but all of a sudden, all of the world knew BTS. This lead to Bang PD doing something pretty fucking stupid. He drove BTS into mainstream western music. This is where we got the upbeat (yet pretty generic) Not Today don’t get me wrong I love Not Today, it still had some of BTS’ vibes but it was the first deviant of many and one of the best, most emotional, heart wrenching BTS songs Spring Day. When the LY albums were announced, BTS’ fame was skyrocketing. BH wanted to appeal to these new international fans and gave us LY: Her, an album which seems great at first, but once you realise that all of the songs are just... well, I’ll break them all down.

First we have Serendipity, the intro that confused the fuck out of me. Since BTS began, Intros have always A L W A Y S been done by the rap line, and Outros done by the vocal line. I love Serendipity, but I hate the fact that BH strayed from giving us the rap line intros. I always look forwards to them on the albumbs but I guess we won’t be seeing them again so... then we have the title track DNA which in my opinion wasn’t anywhere near BTS style at all. It was catchy, yes, but it was a fucking stupid boppy love song that new ARMYs hyped. It was overplayed and I eventually came to accept that I didn’t like it. The next song we have it Best Of Me - a collab with The Chainsmokers. I like the Chainsmokers since I’ve always been a fan of EDM and I do enjoy their sound, but Bh deciding to collab with them is just... no. Again, this took away BTS’ individuality as an artist and it was just another western bop. I never really liked it so... Then we have what I like to call the Secret Love Song to Kim Namjoon 보조개. If I’m being completely honest, this song was my favourite. But after a few plays, it became repetitive and... yeah... I kinda don’t enjoy listening to it anymore. Again, it’s another western-styled EDM like DNA and Best of Me. Pied Piper is actually a pretty decent song. I enjoy the fact that it’s a bit of a shade-throwing song to ARMY but at the same time BTS telling us they care enough to tell us to get on with life. I can’t complain about it. It’s a little unusual with the flute, but I do like it a lot. We are going to skip the Skit because it features Jake Paul and I hope he rots in hell ((: our next song is MIC Drop which for some reason people think is the final cypher?? Like , are you stupid? It’s not called Cypher, so it’s. Not. A. Cypher. I like both versions, the original and the Steve Aoki/Eng version and it’s the last song that keeps to a BTS vibe. Again, no complains. Then we have Go Go, which I love but hate. It’s a great song, but... so many people complain about it that I kinda just don’t want the hastle of going to YouTube to listen to it. They have bragging rights, let them brag. That’s how I see Go Go. Moving on, Outro: Her... I didn’t like it. Like I said with the intro, it just doesn’t feel natural for a BTS album to have rap line doing the outro. That’s probably just me. I always skip Her because it’s just... there’s something I don’t like about it but I couldn’t tell you what it is. It’s alright as a song but it’s nothing special. We also have the other skit but I skip it because of my lack of knowledge of Korean so yeah. And then there’s Sea. Can we just for one second acknowledge how good of a song Sea is? And BigHit has the fucking audacity to make it a hidden song?! Like, it’s full of metaphors, it’s beautiful and just almost a great song. The only issue I have is how long it is but I can get over that.

So, the songs were kind of repetitive, and Pied Piper was the only song I thoroughly enjoyed that didn’t have any outside influence. A lot of the songs in Her were just trashy westernized bops that I don’t think suit BTS, any of their personalities or the whole HYYH/Wings theory that BH have been making. Like...? You gave us BS&T and then decided MIC Drop was a good addition to the MVs? It made no sense.

Anywho, I did enjoy Her but it’s definitely not up there as one of my fave BTS albums. Honestly, despite being a little disappointed, I looked towards to Tear. Well... until it came out. I know I hyped it up. I know I said I enjoyed the songs but now I don’t listen to the album at all, I skip all of the songs when they come on shuffle because in my opinion, this is a bad BTS album. Bad. Let me talk you through the songs.

First we have Singularity. Again, I hate the idea of vocal line intros but I’m gonna have to put up with it so whatever. Tae’s voice was drowned out by the music a little, and I really REALLY enjoyed the MV. It was slow, sensual and I enjoyed it... until y’all nasty ARMYs got your hands on it and decided to make it House of Cards 2.0. Just a quick FYI, Singularity is a sad song and you should respect Taehyung’s artistic input. House of Cards was made to be sexual-er and that’s why it’s okay to sexualise it. Do not sexualise Singularity. I kinda stay away from it now because of ARMY. Anyway, we get to the bane of these past few months, Fake Love. In a honesty, I don’t love it. The MV felt like a recycled BS&T in some places and it felt too poppy and not so much BTS for me. I loved Hoseok’s parts in it but that was about it... Next up is The Truth Untold and truth BE told, this song surprised me. I expected some angsty EDM track because of the collab with Steve again but instead I was pleasantly surprised with a beautiful ballad. But, this is literally due to my own musical preferences, I’m not really into ballads so I don’t listen to it very often. Next we have 134340 (Pluto) and while I do enjoy listening to it, it was a recycled Whalien52 if it had a child with Pied Piper. I said it. The lyrics are beautiful and I think Hoseok’s part was phenomenal but other than that, it’s just a recycled, old BTS song because clearly BH is running out of ideas and restricting BTS in terms of their input in their albums. Then there’s Paradise, one of my favourite tracks. A little EDM-y, very sensual, a great base, and the message is cute. But, it’s a westernised song. I think it would have suited a group such as VIXX or maybe even EXO a little better, it didn’t give me BTS vibes at all. It’s a great song but it’s nothing I would have expected from BTS. And BH are at it again with Love Maze. The first 5 seconds I like (the piano with the distorted “I’ll be in love maze”) and then after that, it becomes a trashy, EDM, westernized song. Again. Can someone tell Bang PD to stop it? I didn’t like it from the off and I probably won’t ever. Next we have Magic Shop which is just another EDM-y westernized song so you can imagine my feelings towards it. Now we have Airplane Pt.2, a pretty bomb-ass song if I do say so myself. I loved the erotic, Mediterranean vibes, the Tango-y kinda feel, the bragging lyrics, everything... except Hoseok’s fucking verse. I know it’s pt.2 but WHY IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK DID THEY RECYLE A VERSE FROM AIRPLANE. I hate that they did that. I hate it so god damned much that it pains me because it’s such a good song but Hoseok’s verse lets the whole song down. Jin had lines, there was Namjin involved, it was so close to being a great song. And next we have Anpanman. I’m not even gonna bother saying much because I love this song. It was the diamond of the album. It saved the album. End of discussion. And then we get to the song I hate most of all - So What. You guessed it, a trashy, EDM, carbon copy of a westernized pop song. I hate it so much. It has no BTS vibes, clearly the boys didn’t have much of a choice about it and I really don’t like the song. I’ve listened to it once and that was when I first listened to the album as a whole. Then we get to the outro I promise I won’t complain about the whole rap line vocal line thing again I guess the outro is okay. I mean, I love the dark vibes but it’s not the best rap line song out there. The chorus is repetitive “You’re my tear, you’re my You’re my Tear,” And it gets boring after the first verse. Plus Yoongi’s verse was annoying af because of all the autotune that they put on to ruin his natural, beautiful voice so yeah.

You can tell I didn’t like Tear. At all. It was just a whole pile of EDM, westernized shit with one good song put in and Singularity at the beginning to mask the pile of shit that it is. I can’t express how let down I was with the past two albums.

BigHit have done this. They have turned BTS into a giant money making machine. They are turning the boys away from their golden eras (I Need U, Run, War of Hormone) and moulding them into the “perfect” westernized Kpop group. All BH care about is money. That’s why all of the songs have been almost a 180 to BTS’ vibes and the album has been a let down. I understand people’s styles change. Look at EXO, they started with Wolf (a bop btw) and just came out with Sweet Lies, one of the best non-title tracks in Kpop (IMO). But this style that BTS have suddenly adapted has had nothing to do with the boys themselves. This has been done by the executives at BH to cater to the new audience of 12 year old, ignorant, uneducated girls who have no idea what BTS really stand for in the long run. The same boys who used to write 90% of their lyrics definitely do not anymore and it breaks my heart. Instead of beautiful lyrics like in Tomorrow, it’s trashy love songs like DNA and Fake Love. The money focuses on elaborate MVs and don’t you fucking dare get me started on the pricing of new merch. All 4 albums together cost over £100, the summer package in Spain is almost £70. Just one album on its own at pre-order is now almost £35/40. Don’t you dare tell me that BH isn’t getting greedy. I got my D&W album for less than £10. I got my MBMILp1 for £20, Wings for £20 and LY: Her for £25. See the correlation? Fame goes up and so do the fucking album prices. I couldn’t ever afford to spend £30 on an album plus shipping. I couldn’t even ask my parents to do that for a birthday or even Christmas present. It is a waste of money. All albums I have from other artists and companies have never been over £25 either. BH and Bang PD are becoming greedy. They want more money, for more elaborate MVs for more fans, for even more money. I know someone has to fund Tae’s Gucci style but let me tell you, even if albums were priced the same as D&W, BH would make more than enough profit.

BTS clearly have no input anymore in their albums, they are forced to work under a management slowly becoming more and more corrupt. BH is no saint and you can see that through the most recent albums. It’s the same, repeated, overly cliche bullshit EDM tracks. Some songs have been good but I have been so let down that I almost always forget about them.

If LY: Answer is such a disappointment to me, I really will have to reconsider my status as an ARMY. I won’t watch BTS become some carbon copy of a perfect boyband in America for BH’s sake. Never. They came from nothing, they worked their way to the top and now they have just brought out two very disappointing albums. Nothing will ever compare to HYYH or Wings. BH has become too greedy. It isn’t about BTS anymore - it’s about the money they make.

[psychicwonu-blog]

Can’t Cope

A/N: this is my first serious fanfic, and I’m actually pretty embarrassed lol. I’m not a writer, by any means, and I kinda threw this together last minute. The first few paragraphs were actually for a vixx story I was writing skksjlfbt, but I wanted to do a svt story, and well…this happened. I apologize for any mistakes, grammatical or spelling, it’s currently 4am, so…yeah:)

Group: Seventeen

Member: Wonwoo

Genre: x reader, fluff, angst??, non idol!AU

Warnings: mentions of sex, cursing, blood, death, let me know if I need more

Rating: PG/13? lol

Oscar Wilde once said, “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” If I had to pick a quote to explain how I’d felt with him, this would be it. He was my light. My stars. In my world full of darkness and pain, he was the only thing that brought me peace.

We’d met in a book store on a rainy September afternoon, seven months ago. He looked spectacular that day, clad in a leather jacket and dark jeans. Bits of hair were stuck down to his forehead due to the weather. I was way too shy to talk to him at first. His cold appearance made him look a bit intimidating, but he had soft eyes. I guess, if you took away the rest of his striking features, they were what drew me to him most. I could tell he’d been through a lot. He was standing in the romantic fiction section—not exactly what you’d expect, I should say—, contemplating between two books when I’d finally worked up the confidence to say something.

“You should definitely go with this one. It’s very good, a bit cliché at times, but isn’t romance always a bit cliché?” I said. He looked up at me, confused at first. Then he smiled. That’s when I had decided it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. His eyes crinkled the slightest bit at the corners and the sides of his nose scrunched a little bit.

“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?” He giggled. His voice was so soft, and deep, each word flowing out of his mouth more beautifully than the last. I never thought a question as simple as that could have such an impact on me. I must have been staring for a minute because he’d rubbed the back of his neck, looking back at the books still grinning.

“I’m ______, by the way.” He looked back up at me and for a moment I stopped breathing. He pushed his hair back, exposing his entire face for just a second before it fell back into it’s place. He really was so stunning.

“Wonwoo.” He smiled, offering me his hand. I hesitated a bit before shaking it, but only because I was too busy losing myself in his beauty. He’d asked me to get coffee with him, which I agreed to of course. I didn’t learn much about him that day, but I felt like I’d told him everything there was to know about me. I didn’t have much to tell, nor did I truly find myself interesting, but I’ve always been quite the talker. Wonwoo, however, was more on the quiet side. I didn’t mind though. Just being near him was exciting enough.

“I’m glad we met, ______. I’m hoping I can see you again. Preferably soon.” he’d smirked, voice smoky. With heat rushing to my cheeks I beamed up at him. He had a way with words, even for someone who didn’t speak much. I gave him my number and after that we’d gone our separate ways. We didn’t talk for five days after that, both of us being too shy to text or call first. When he finally did, I felt like the weight of a thousand worlds had been lifted off of my shoulders.

“______, hi.”. He’d stuttered a bit that day as he apologized for not calling sooner.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You called today, that’s good enough for me.” He chuckled at that, and I remember being so excited that he had called, I almost didn’t answer him much at first. At least not with words, I’d been all giggles and coughs. We ended up talking for so long though. Truthfully I was surprised by how much he was holding up the conversation on his end, but I guess when you let someone speak on things they’re passionate about they could go on into eternity. I wouldn’t have minded. I could’ve listened to the sound of his voice until my ears fell off of my head entirely. The mysteriousness of it had that effect on me.

“There’s this new Polynesian restaurant opening downtown soon. We can go sometime if you’d like.” I stated, mentally begging him to agree, even though I didn’t think he’d turn me down.

He didn’t.

It soon became one of our favorite places to go. It’d gotten to the point that we didn’t even need to look at the menu when we went. Of course it was a rather small place, we’d tried everything they offered quickly due to our periodic visits throughout the month. I asked him if we were overdoing it, but Wonwoo loved the place too much to even care.

“The food here is amazing.” Wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin, he continued. “It’d be overdoing it if we were here everyday though…maybe.” The owner of the restaurant overheard our conversation and laughed. She said they didn’t know what they’d do if we stopped visiting, and I agreed. It was a comfortable routine that we’d fallen into.

Talking on the phone for hours at a time, sometimes falling asleep while the lines were still connected, was also something we’d often do. He was completely ethereal. Even over the phone, his voice was magical. To others his voice probably wasn’t anything too special, but to me it was everything. He read to me for so long sometimes. He made a joke that our song would have to be Sing Me to Sleep, by The Smith’s, but only if we changed the lyrics to “Read Me to Sleep.” So corny.

Cuddling was a favorite as well. I guess that one seems obvious for those who’re close or in a relationship though. But just laying with him, completely submerged in his presence, was enough to take my mind off of everything. We’d never spoke much in these times, but it was okay because the silence was always comfortable. Sometimes we’d talk about our day, our jobs, our family, or our favorite books, but usually we just enjoyed each other’s company.

We’d been like that for six months before he’d “officially” asked me to be with him. I didn’t believe such formalities were necessary, considering we were on the same page, but it was cute how he wanted to ask me.

“Look, ______, I know we’re pretty much already together,” he blushed, I couldn’t help but smile. “but I never actually asked you. Will you be with me?” In that moment I was glad he decided asking me was necessary. The whole ‘I had butterflies in my stomach’ cliché would have been an understatement to describe the feeling. Romance, am I right?

“Of course” I simply breathed before he attacked my face with a million kisses. That’s one of my favorite memories of us. It wasn’t long after that moment that we’d finally slept together. It happened slowly that night, slower than I personally liked, but with him it was still enough. Then, as we’d gotten even more comfortable with each other, he opened up. He showed me the side of him I’d been practically dying to see. A side that wasn’t so soft and mysterious, but rather straightforward and dominant. Wonwoo was everything that I wanted. Everything I needed, as well. He made me feel at peace, like everything was finally okay.

Then he was taken from me. Six months of falling in love, one moment, one mistake, to take it all away.

It happened so suddenly. One minute I was forcing a laugh at a terrible joke he’d told me, the next I was whipped, face first into the dashboard in the passenger seat of his car. Everything was blurry when I’d finally been able to open my eyes. My head was pounding and I could feel the air stinging the open cuts all over my face.

“Baby? Baby are you okay? Jesus, my neck is killing me.” I said. In the heat of the moment I’d figured that if I was okay then surely he was too. My neck hurt when I tried to move my head, but I had to see. I had to know if he was okay.

There were two, very large, pieces of glass lodged in his left eye. Large enough that they had to be penetrating his brain. His chin was pressed against the top of the steering wheel, his head sitting at an angle. There was…blood…everywhere. So much fucking blood that I could barely recognize him. I froze. In fear, in shock, in denial. I was frozen and I couldn’t breathe. After a second or so, everything came tumbling down on to me again. All I could do was whisper his name.

“W-Wonwoo? Baby, p-please. Wake-wake up, Wonwoo.” I just kept repeating these things over and over. I didn’t know what else to do. It was getting harder and harder to catch my breath. Every inhale of oxygen was stinging worse than the last. I wanted to fucking scream, I wanted to hold him and make everything better. I felt useless. I felt cold.

“We got two over here! Holy shit are you guys alright?” Someone said. I looked over to my right, wincing at the pain in my neck. There was a young man hunched over with a flashlight. He was dressed like an EMT.

“My-my b-boyfriend…he…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. This is when I started crying. Memories of the last six and a half months came rolling into my mind. Replaying when we met. When he’d asked me out to coffee. Our first kiss. Sleeping over at his place, holding him in my arms all night, for the first time. Then the last time. The last time I kissed him, held him, hugged him, laughed with him, argued with him. All of our best and worst moments. All the memories I thought we’d have years to make more of. It was just…over.

“Hey? Can you hear me? Stay with me!” His voice was muffled. “My name is Seungcheol. Are you okay?” The man said again, pulling me out of my thoughts and memories. I couldn’t answer him. I couldn’t find my voice.

“We’re gonna get you out of here, alright? Just hang tight. It’s all gonna be okay.” He said. What a load of shit, right? It’s all gonna be okay? I just lost my everything. Nothing will ever be okay now.

The following days were hell. Dealing with medical bills I couldn’t pay, contacting Wonwoo’s family and friends, breaking that news to them, handling funeral arrangements. I was essentially alone through all of it, too. No friends or family of my own, no one to call, to depend on. Not anymore.

My injuries were minor; a broken leg, a sprained back, seven cuts on my face. It was painful, sure, but it couldn’t compare to how it felt living without him. When I was finally released from the hospital, I had one day before his memorial. One day before I saw his picture surrounded by a hundred flowers while his loved ones comforted each other. One day wasn’t enough. No amount of time can prepare you for something like that, though.

The day inevitably came, and unlike most people I didn’t shed a single tear. It isn’t because I wasn’t sad, heartbroken, or devastated. No, at this point in time I just felt empty. It didn’t help that I felt like an outsider among everyone there. Eventually people started to talk to me. Introducing themselves—I can’t even remember how many times I heard the words, “I’m sorry it had to be under these circumstances.“— and checking on me.

“You’re ____, right?” someone said to me while I was getting some water. I turned my wheelchair around and looked up.

“I am.” I say. He sat down on a small bench beside the vending machine. He doesn’t say anything, he just stares at the floor with a blank expression. His eyes are red and puffy.

“Are you a friend of his?” I asked. He just nods. We sit together like that for a while.

“He’s my best friend.” He chokes out. “I’m Mingyu.” Wonwoo mentioned him a lot. “He talked about you constantly. He wanted to introduce you to a lot of people, too.” He says.

“I’m so sorry.” Is all I could say to him. He shakes his head and hugs me. He explains that his mother is sick, so he can’t stay long after the burial. To which I said I understood, then we fell back into mutual silence.

Everything after his burial went by fast, but I still didn’t want to spend another moment in the funeral home. I couldn’t stand to hear another “I’m sorry”, “call me if you need anything”, or “I’m here for you”. I just wanted to sleep. I needed to sleep.

I dream about him every night, and I swear I can feel his presence in my apartment. His voice is still so soft and deep in my head, and every moment I spent with him replays over and over. I was so sure that I’d have more. More time with him, more time to fall deeper into this bottomless pit of love that I had for him. I truly believed we’d physically be forever, but Oscar Wilde also once said, “The very essence of romance is uncertainty.”