#and then end up hating myself for posting here bc i feel like im pissing everyone off fndkdl

[piplupod]

also I've been having that horrible haunting feeling that im doing something Really Really Wrong and nobody is telling me so im just walking around doing my thing but somehow hurting or irritating Everyone i come into contact with and just have no idea bc I cannot see it and nobody is telling me fhfjdl

and i keep trying to pick myself apart and study everything im doing and saying but I can't find anything because Everything i do seems awful lately so ... idk what is mental illness making me hate myself and what is genuinely bad of me

[hexitca]

Rant about Puritan fandom culture!

Well I typed it on twitter but then I had more to say so tumblr it is!

Under read more

WARNING: Long as fuck

Here's some pics

I know I basically said the author of Heartstopper "brought it on themselves" but yea they kinda did.

You can disagree with BL/Yaoi you can hate the shipping discourse or shipping in fandom in general but you cant frame it in a "i hate [that] bc it's sinful/fetishistic and I'M ABOVE THAT BC I'M WHOLESOME AND BETTER THAN THOSE DISGUSTING SHIPPERS"

bc that's gonna bite you in the ass...as it is doing now. The fucking image of their character's google history is so tame and normal, esp in LGBTQ+ spaces! Yet they are being called a pedo? Crazy. In the end, you only hurt yourself!

I never bothered with HS bc i just wasnt interested in it but thats just my preference. It's sad to see ppl, esp young ppl, turn on a series of LGBTQ+ representation just bc of the author's past (or current? idk) stance on the BL/Yaoi or MLM or whatever genre just bc their stance wavered a bit in a simple comic image. Something that is so fucking normal also! but they will grow up and realized how limiting it is to restrict themselves just to appear pure within a group.

Yet the artists/writers/creators are traumatized by the witchhunt. I know I said the author brought it on themselves for supporting anti but damn I don't want them being accused of being a pedo! Or ANYTHING! NO ONE DESERVES THAT. I dont know anything about the author other than surface knowledge but at the end of the day, all this online shit, doesnt matter. It doesnt! Me saying that is ironic bc im typing this post up right now!

but it's something we care about! I care about fandom spaces, I care that creators are getting attack for something as mild as this even if they invited these ppl into their circle. We're human and we change our views a million times a fucking day. I could agree with one thing and disagree with it another. That's why anti discourse pisses me the hell off! It's just a bunch of bullies looking to make themselves feel better by shaming others! I don't respect that type of behavior. And I hate that they just run around saying shit like "kys" over a two characters fucking?!? It amazes me beyond words.

Fandom has never been without its discourse. But the puritan bullshit is not even fandom discourse, it's just straight up bullying and harassment. It doesnt take much to tailor your fandom spaces to your preferences, i should know ive been in fandom spaces since I was fucking 13 years old. I didn't explore nsfw/porn/anything until I wanted to when I was 18. That is MY personal experience. I never put that on anyone else BUT MYSELF. If I saw nsfw and didnt want to see it I blocked the person. Not make a fucking witch hunt out of it. You are in charge of keeping YOURSELF in check not some person who shared nsfw art/fanfic. How fucking hard is it to turn the "don't show me nsfw" toggle on??? Bc it's not about that. Y'all just wanna be mad and be above someone so why not ppl minding their own business.

And guess what? There ARE ppl who are bad and support nsfw art/writing. They fucking suck. They are outliers and deserve to be called out when they get exposed. But many times, ppl always go "see i told you all the ppl in THAT fandom were pedos/freaks/etc" hmmm sounds like when conservatives go "see...that queer person turned out to be bad, SO all queer ppl are bad" DO YOU GET IT?? It never works out with that line of thinking. You are harming innocent ppl minding their own business. You are harming yourselves when you grow the fuck up and realize that "OH actually...I am curious about sex" and have ppl who you thought were your friends eat your face. PLS wake the fuck up.

If you're an anti:

I hope you recover from that

go fuck yourself

if you're offended by me saying "go fuck yourself", pls take that as a sign to log off the internet and go touch grass. As someone who has done that many of times, it's very refreshing.

[selchwife]

maerchen route pt 1 let's go

this is going to be a long post bc i dont want to spam your dash. so buckle up

we start with our beloved mc princess of the horizon getting lost in the woods. natch.

oh shit who could this be

the thing about maer's route in this game is that he's pulling an emet-selch on you the whole time and thinks you're elisabeth. and you have to deal with that.

this was before the ACTUAL ALBUM CAME OUT!!!!! so the artist had no way of knowing he was totally amnesiac and didn't actually recall who elisabeth was, NOR that the other main conceit of the route (that you're Her Descendant (spoiler alert)) would never work bc elisabeth never got married (and nein reveals that even if she had she's infertile), but it's kind of funny anyway. like what compelled her to do it like this knowing full well the album would come out in like december of that year. like idoido came out in june or july

anyway i don't remember what the correct dialogue options are. this route was always a major pain in the ass compared to the others, like, it's MUCH harder and you do get stuck in circular arguments with maer not infrequently if you're not careful. i'm going to tell him i'm definitely not elisabeth though let's see where that gets me

ok

i love this dialogue option bc how do you say o.O out loud. im going to do that to him.

i think the first dialogue option is the one that pisses him off? i don't remember, but the reason this route is "dangerous" is because if you say the wrong shit and make him too mad he just arbitrarily kills you. or i guess possesses you? i would click it but i kind of don't want to get the bad ending bc this one is sooooo long and if you fuck up you have to start from the beginning

i hate that im still sitting here like heehee maer cute <3 also i never paid attention to it the first go round but i like the design of his dialogue boxes a lot

im in the danger zone now bc i vaguely remember one of these lines making him frantic but i'm not sure which one.....augh. i'm picking the second one

DON'T MAKE ANGRY EYEBROWS AT ME!!! BABE!!!!!!

i would never say no to banging a ghost.

WHY IS HE BLUSHING I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING BLUSHWORTHY....

even with not screenshotting it every 2 seconds getting thanatos' good ending was way faster than this. god. anyway there's obviously only one good option here. i think maybe im instinctually remembering how to do this route correctly.

it's ok baby i'm here to make something so lgbt happen to you

i'm picking the third option, but i think the first works too? i don't remember. i haven't even scratched the surface of this one if you piss him off enough elise shows up. why this route is far and away the longest i have no idea. maybe that was for me. maybe it was doen for me

awww <3

picking the second one bc i feel like i always pick the second one but if it gets me the bad ending i'm going to throw myself off a cliff

tumblrista voice I CAN FIX HIM. (except he's right.)

OBVIOUSLY i'm picking the second one, but the first one is also a real ending you can get. why you have the option to get cucked in this route i'll never know.

well. i say i'm picking the second one, but i clicked on it like 12 times and it didn't work, so i think i have no choice

she shows up in her own ending and also in the protag/maer ending dont worry. i can still turn this around THIS IS HOW MC/MAER CAN STILL WIN

im obviously not getting passed up in my own romance fantasy.

I DID IT IN ONE TRY #MLG

oh i hit image limit. fuck. hold on.

[deadcrybabysmut]

took two tabs of acid 12 hours ago and im still reeling. today has been a chaotic rollercoaster of laughter, tears, and anger—so much fucking anger.

i don't know how I would have managed to make it through the day if it weren't for the two people who understand me and see me and resonate with me the most. they grounded me. especially when i couldn't handle my trip going south when their shitty mom came home and fucked up the vibe.

anyway i wanna sort of get out what happened tonight in this post so i can essentially look back on it later 🤸🏽‍♀️

also, every one of our seven cats avoided me like the plague while tripping and that made me so fucking sad, until i realized i was probably freaking them out lmao which is understandable and if I were them I'd have told me to go fuck myself too tbh

ok so when i initially took the tabs, i was already twenty minutes into watching I Am a Hero which I lowkey was expecting to be horrific—boy was I fucking WRONG 🤡🤡🤡 this movie was too fucking funny FOR WHAT?

—had me crying about what I would do if the only foods available during the apocalypse were all the ones I hated (i would simply die bc ain't no way im eating eggs or pork or seafood like what kind of shit is that?? 😵🤮🤮) THEN I started thinking about the mfs who would get bit and not say anything! like BITCH HELLO????? WHY MUST WE SUFFER BC YOU WERE THE WEAK LIIINK???!! but then I was like lol same 🤭 bc fuck you lucky mfs. yeah, im butthurt and y'all ain't gon know until it's too late oop 💁��

there was also some weird "i shouldn't be a creep bc she's a high schooler and it's a crime" type moment which led to me giggling about how Hideo really almost became a meal for copping a feel??? idk shit was funny in the moment really and hearing HOW the girl got bit before all that, made it so much funnier (spoiler: it was by some stupid baby lol what a loser. to get turned by someone with six baby teeth lmfaoo couldn't be me. anyway...)

there's only one zombie I have to talk about—THAT FUCKING ATHLETIC ONE. bitch ain't no way mans was training that entire time for that fucking hard, and no one put it together???!?! I saw dude's caved in head and how he would THROW HIMSELF onto his head FOR FUN and I just KNEW we needed to keep an eye on that mf. he killed that shit tbh 🤣🤣

anyway by the end of the movie i had already cried twice about having to eat eggs if zombies were running rampant lmao and i damn near had a stroke laughing at ol girl becoming half a zombie bc of the six baby teeth that scraped the back of her neck. LIKE????? idk. fortunately, 10/10 recommend watching on acid / would do again! maybe! 👉🏼👉🏼

*just gonna throw in here that we started watching Robin Hood Men in Tights immediately after this, and if you've seen that movie, you KNOW that shit was hilarious! throw in an acid trip and it's a fucking masterpiece 💀 unfortunately we didn't get through it all because shitty mom showed up and pissed everyone off bc she refused to eat anything all day and decided it would be everyone's problem! we made her food, she didn't eat it. her husband bought her food, she didn't eat it. instead, she cried about feeling nauseous, picked a fight with her husband over nothing, then told us she was leaving to her mom's house. 😐😐 After reassuring me they were ok, I made my siblings go to bed and spent two hours talking myself down I was so fucking livid. I'm still very much wide awake and functional, but I really don't want to be soo I'm going to force myself to crash I guess???

[notsodailycake]

Adding my own two cents bc HOLY SHIT YES!! Wish this was talked about more

My story is the same as saltynsassy31 (we're twins lol) so I'll cut to the case and say how i also had like, misconceptions about 2012 due to my fuzzy memory of the show. Tho i definitely watched and remembered more of it then salty did, so i didn't bite to far into the bait

I remembered the good parts, i didn't remember April being bad, or Raph being horrible, so when i saw posts about it i felt...kinda sad? Idk, but i didn't like it

And fuck, i was right, it wasn't as bad as they said. When i rewatched it, i loved their dynamics! I thought it worked out well. So to me those folks come across as either single children who never had to fight with a sibling, or had a real bad sibling relationship and idk, has a weird perception of it,,

I got so upset seeing so many do crossovers and it's just "rise being better then 2012" in the sibling relationship. And i cant express it enough, i hate it. Bc 2012 portrayed such a fun and relatable dynamic for me, with my own sister, and so did rise. But that praise to rise kinda..threw me off from wanting more of rise, i love the show and do wanna watch more, but im just so discouraged by the fandom taking shit on older versions sometimes

Not saying the other side doesn't throw shit either, but i haven't seen it as often as rise fandom :(

Raph was such a big softie, and he's exactly my type of character honestly. I kinda have anger issues myself so i can relate to him, and so it hurts to see others potray him as such a heartless being, when he just has trouble controlling his temper, but he does care A LOT for his brothers, I'd say he is more of a mother hen then Leo at times!

It just hurts bc i can just imagine someone berating me and my sister's relationship and how we treat each other, when how we treat each other is mutual. She annoys the shit out of me and i bite back! Sure we "bully" each other, but it's all fun and games, we can get a little toxic, but it's only human, we aren't perfect beings who do no wrong

We talk it out and apologise when we go to far, and the Raphs do the same, in their own way. Like we dont actually apologise either, we just fight, have a cool down, and then go back to watching Tmnt together and silently apologise

Nothing more needed

I wouldn't change what i have with my sister one bit, bc whag we have is special in its own way. And i see the same with Raph and his brothers, and as much as i would hate to have someone say shit about how i treat my sister or vise versa, bc there is a "better" version of us, i hate so as well when they do it to Raph

Tho i do remember one post of someone asking an artist who had their doodle requests open, to draw Rise Raph teaching 2k3 and 2k12 Raph a lesson for mistreating their Mikeys, and thag just..just got me sooo pissed!! But i had a breath of fresh air when i saw that the artist just made Rise raph be nice and understanding!! Saying how he wouldn't hurt the other raphs like that! Which yes!

And it brings me to another point to my rage, how they end up butchering Rise raph as well! Like he's gonna get mad, or "teach them a lesson" for mistreating their Mikeys/brothers, like, no??? He wouldn't?? He'd probably be understanding and try to help them manage their temper dammit!!

Now I'm just going on a rant here, and possibly just dragging this on, but i just had to let it out. Cuz it's nice to know me and my sister aren't the only ones who feel the same way

I am filled with such an intense rage oh my god I'm so fucking sick and tired

Just saw an art on Instagram where 2012 Raph, for no reason at all, insulted Rise Mikey's drawing.

What the fuck. What the actual FUCK.

Can we stop doing this please? Like oh my god I'm seeing it so much still and it's actually getting to me and it's just as hurtful/harmful as it was when I was in the Rise fandom. Like why are Rise fans like this????

I recognize the people that love 2012 and getting into it. But the hate is still rancid as all hell and it actively hurts me. I don't know if it should but it does.

Raph would never do something like that. It's so out of character for him like you guys he's not fucking evil I swear.

Stop demonizing 2012 just to make your characters look good. Just stop it.

Furthermore: If you do not like watching 2012

THEN STOP WATCHING IT JUST SO YOU CAN RAG ON IT

Like seriously what other reason would you have to watch something you don't like??!! I understand that some of you want to willingly give 2012 a chance, and while it is appreciated, if you only get a few episodes in and notice that it's not for you, then stop. Watching it.

End of story.

I'm not kidding it is HARMFUL. It is MEAN. So please, STOP.

I've had enough of this I swear to god-

[vigilvntes]

as soon as u had asked to send in some battinson and dano!riddler requests, I KNEW I had to bring this idea forward to u. it's been on my mind for a while and I needed to share, I think u could do it justice!

ok ok, so we know that batman's greatest enemy/foe is that of joker correct?? what if Y/N and riddler have a similar dynamic going! Y/N also happen to be a pretty well-known hero alongside batman, even if he's still a bit more popular than her. she has her fans and she provides great justice for gotham. the only person getting in her way however is that of the riddler. yet, while some might say she should just go ahead and kill him, she knows she has the same rule that batman has with joker. she needs riddler, even if she hates to admit it. theres a strange bond there and it never ends.

sooo....whaddya think?! like I said, this type of dynamic of keeping your greatest enemy alive because u know u need them is really interesting and I can say the same for this duo too.

ughhhskdnfb hi hello losing my shit over this sorry it's taken me so long to respond i started writing a response on the train but then someone sat next to me so i was like oop- i'll finish later but here we are

i am so obsessed with the joker/batman dynamic of they need each other and they can't exist without one another like omfg 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 rly hope we see that dynamic in the next battinson <3

aNYWAY i adore this idea for riddler and reader like. it's so perfect????????!!2£:

like, i know he'd be obsessed with unmasking her and the truth about her and if he can't find any dirt on her, nothing that makes her corrupt or evil in any way he'd be PISSED. and if he ever gets to unmask her i feel like he'd just have like . a heart eyes moment and then he'd be like oh shit we're literally enemies. and she'd be so obsessed with just . trying to help him. she'd want to change him because she knows he can do so much more with the mind and the skills he has and like ;(( he's never gonna change and she knows that but she still tries anyway and she keeps him alive bc of it

and like. the hate-fucking. that's not really hate fucking because they're borderline in love but they can't be together because they're literally enemies and their ideals are so far apart that it'll never work but man. MAN. it'd be so intense.

also edward is a fucking nerd and i just know he'd be a lovestruck fool so he'd be luring her to him all of the time, making out that he has some politician tied up and he's gonna kill them if she doesn't come and then when she arrives he's just sat there like . hi. missed u. where've you been. u didn't respond to any of my livestreams last week and u ignored every post i made.

and he'd be so jealous of batman if they have a friendship????? 💀 like i just know everytime she mentions batman he'd throw up in his fucking mouth. "heard you were out with BATMAN last week, hope he fucked you good" and she'd be like "eddie no??? come on that never-" and then she'd have a moment where she's like . ur literally my enemy why am i explaining myself to you and why are you jEALOUS????? and he'd be like omg im eddie <33 :((

[un-pearable]

OH another very important comment i completely forgot to add: despite the long winded diatribe, i am, actually, having fun with ninjago again and am not dreading clicking the next episode button. im excited to continue watching. which is a definite improvement from like. last week. honestly in my experience some amount of moping and whining and gnashing of teeth is good for the soul. not too much and you cant just sit around and mope all day, but a bit of moping... it does help. i think.

unrelated but regarding your post on comics, technically im coming from a weekly serialized manga perspective but yeah no exactly having something that comes out so frequently produces many opinions all the time. i also feel compelled to talk about these opinions, all the time. i have to say though my sincerest condolences for being in the dc fandom. from the handful of posts ive seen from you it looks ... frustrating

hell yeah!! the good ol whine and dine (on fic) strategy to get you excited again

on the topic of comics,,, yeah. yeah. its really annoying bc its the kind of fandom where the last thing I want to do is get involved in discourse but Oh Do I Have Thoughts. and my usual strategy of venting in my small discord is not enough 😔 this next part is a very frustrated vent so uh. under the cut as to not piss off one of the most notorious fandoms of all time that I have Zero interest getting involved in

comics fandom is fucking insane bc anywhere else this isn’t anywhere close to a debate, but here arguing that a character being accurate to canon should be a priority means you’re fighting in the fucking trenches. saying someone should read an arc is a declaration of war with some of these people it’s baffling. why are you here if you don’t care about what actually happens to these characters

it’s completely deranged!!! this isn’t even “oh this particular stuff is treated as non canon bc it portrays the character poorly” it’s literally people BRAGGING about never reading the source material. writing a direct adaptation of the characters debut arc gets you dogpiled by people who think the completely woobified version from their fic is the end all be all characterization. and their one personality trait is an addiction

hate that i do this to myself. i was a part of the sinking ship that was voltron. i witnessed the rise and fall of countless stupid fandoms driven by the fandom’s flanderized dreams and every single time i fall for it. what the hell

it’s the mystery box. it’s getting to the core to see what could have gone well or what the original ideas were or the drama behind it al but EVERY time i burden myself with knowledge and endless frustration and a persistent fear of getting caught up in my own internet drama. agshdjdj

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

5:42 am

*TW: discussion of antisemitism

currently listening to: smack a bitch by rico nasty

i woke up sweating like a damn pig because my fan broke a few weeks ago (it's so freaking hot) and because i had a dream about someone i know. i feel like my consciousness only caught the tail end of it, but it was enough to make me paranoid that i texted them in my sleep lol

anyway, i'm up now so whatever. i was thinking about fundamentalist christians before i fell asleep, and idk if it's just because of how much of a genuine pet peeve of mine antisemitism is. also pet peeve is a very, very bad word for what i mean but it's the best i've got. as someone who comes from a german family, i simply have no patience for it.

anyway, idk if it's be of how much of a genuine pet peeve of mine antisemitism is, or just because fundies tend to gravitate toward really pissing me off, but i cannot stand this time of year for one reason: christians who celebrate passover.

let me explain

so i have a huge hyperfixation on fundies, and i read about them a lot and follow them often because they just fascinate me. i "follow" this one family on social media (air quotes bc i mostly just look up their account, not follow) and the mom is like genuinely in need of help. also im not doxing her, she literally had thousands of followers and her following grows daily.

last year was her first year celebrating passover, and the fundie snark reddit forum was seething bc of the way she was behaving.

first of all, she said in her instagram post that there was "no right way to celebrate passover," and that there was "no book telling you how to do it." which, like, there LITERALLY is. it's called the haggadah. not that fucking hard to google. but i digress, this woman shouldn't even be allowed on the fucking internet she needs literal fucking help

then, she had the nerve to celebrate it POTLUCK style. like with a whole bunch of people from her home church, serving fucking lays potato chips and shit like this. literally nothing she served was kosher in any way

OH, OH, and she literally made the WHOLE thing about jesus

she said that passover is celebrating jesus as the sacrificial lamb

i-

i just-

i literally added this entire fucking egregious display of 1). clear appropriation of a sacred jewish holiday and 2). stupidity to my 35 page google doc on things that make me actively lose faith in the jesus fandom (i grew up christian and still tenuously consider myself christian---i was catholic). i'm literally not joking. i have a very organized google doc of things that i think the church really needs to fucking address bc i'm so tired of christians doing shit like this

anyway, so the reason i'm talking about it all this year is because she's celebrating it again this year (as a lot of fundies are in place of easter since easter is a "pagan" holiday and these people want nothing to do with paganism. the passover seder is in the bible and this family only celebrates biblical feasts) and she made a post recently that just

why

why

why

here are a few of my personal 'favorite' quotes (when i say favorite, i mean i fucking hate everything about it, just to be clear):

"every year, jews condemn us for celebrating passover. they say it is 'their' holiday and 'christians' are taking it from them." bc it IS theirs, and you ARE actively participating in appropriating it. full stop.

"i don't understand this mindset. is the bible not for all people? are we not all created by god?" i-

"this command was for the israelites to pass down from generation to generation to remember how Yahuah delivered and saved them from egypt. it is to tell their children about the goodness of god. yet it also says that if a foreigner is living among them that they must celebrate as well. so if we are simply only following the old testament, as they do, it is still acceptable for 'foreigners' to choose to celebrate the holidays of god."

it gets worse

"we celebrate it today as christians with even greater meaning though. christ is our passover lamb. and our celebrations will not be intermingled with jewish traditions and customs but rather simple biblical intruction. and jesus said that there is no longer jew or gentile, male or female. we are all children of god (those that call upon the lord and trust christ as our savior) unified by christ."

words can't not express how angry this woman makes me

AND THE FACT THAT HER FOLLOWERS ON IG EAT THIS SHIT UPPPPPPPPPPP

let me just go ahead and make this clear as fucking day: these bastardized versions of Passover are inherently antisemitic. literally all you have to do is know how to fucking read to see that everything about her reasoning is disgusting, hateful, and violent. she literally just said that Jews aren't even supposed to exist because Jesus said that everyone is unified by Christ, so everyone is supposed to be christian. and then she spent a good chunk of the post complaining about being rejected by people for celebrating Passover

UM MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING AN ENTIRE FUCKING CUNT ABOUT IT?

Jewish people are real people. They have real, honest, sacred traditions that have MEANING both historically and religiously. They are not playing pretend, they are not out to reject christian beliefs, they are not doing any of the nasty shit you think they are because of your nasty antisemetic beliefs about how jewish people behave and feel. They're literally honoring their religious beliefs, and begging you to just not do what you're doing. It's not that fucking hard to just respect other people.

At this point, i really really understand gatekeeping. i hope the people rejecting you spit on your nasty, unwashed, three-day eyeliner wearing, greasy once a month washed haired, drop-shipped boutique 'Alexa, homeschool the kids' t-shirt wearing bitch ass self. i literally hope that jesus himself looks at you after you die and goes, "no fucking way am i letting you in. are you fucking serious? what the hell was that?" i'm just so angry--like what the fuck is wrong with you? you are the furthest fucking thing from christ-like, i'll tell you that. you are a narcissitic bitch who knows DAMN FUCKING WELL that you are appropriating a fucking sacred event, and i know that because you've deleted every comment made by a jewish person on your stupid little "we love you more" t-shirt post about being rejected by others for this. it's not our holiday. it's not your holiday. you are a violent, nasty, godless piece of shit who will fight long and hard for a holiday that DOES NOT FUCKING BELONG TO YOU but won't take your fucking children to the doctor when they have broken fucking bones unless it's bothering you in some way, and even then you just fucking pray over them and pretend they're healed after.

FIND HELP.

If you want to experience a real passover seder, literally just do the work and find a jewish community willing to invite you (good fucking luck after this fucking mess tho, at this point just look it up on youtube honestly bc if i were jewish i wouldn't let you near my community with a 500 ft pole), and experience it not just correctly but respectfully. like are you fucking serious? you really want to sit there and fucking pretend that jesus would have WANTED that? that's literally hilarious of you to think considering 1). jesus was a jew himself 2). he literally flipped tables and shit when he saw the church fucking using sacred grounds for gambling and consumerism, you don't think he's going to be flipping tables at your little potluck when he sees you doing essentially the same thing to another group of people? jesus espoused love, and this is literally the exact opposite of that.

this literally infuriates me so much. and i hate that this woman and others like her are teaching their beautiful kids that this is okay, and acting like jewish communities who are hurt by this clear act of violence against their religion ARE JUST LIKE OVERREACTING OR SOMETHING? oh my god, it's on sight if i ever fucking catch some bullshit like this coming out of someone's mouth. i'm not joking. i'll lose it.

if you don't like easter, literally just say that and eat your bland boiled food, ok? go and pray or something and call it a day. but don't steal something that isn't yours, act like it is, and then get upset when everyone is like hey that's pretty fucked up of you, maybe don't do that?

anyway, if anyone ever wants to read my google doc on things that make me lose faith in Christianity lmk lol

[kyaramaya]

I was gonna post this on Reddit but idk where I'd post it to but I'm kinda drunk rn and was invited to a party (invited to a hangout actually by a friend of my mom's and my mom brought me since I'm on island) but I kept being told I was making a scene (bc my mom drank my drink after I was only supposed to be cut off after that one!!) Bc she drank it but I took a v important phone call from my best friend and it was gone when I got back and I was like wtf and she was like stop making a scene it's not ur party and the lady throwing the party is getting pissed off and so like. The message I got was shut the fuck up ur not welcome and we don't want u here and u just need to sit quietly until we all want to leave.

But I really liked being there and talking to ppl bc they had a lot of body mods and I am gonna get more soon but I kept being told I was too loud and taking attention away from the party thrower (there were only 9 ppl there and 2 left early for 7 total by the end of the night) and like. Wtf. Why even bring me. Like u know we're drinking and don't want to be on my phone all night I'd rather socialize bc these ppl I'm around r cool af.

And just the "stop being loud" "you're annoying the person throwing the party" fucking fuck me I guess take me home then. I just feel like total shot like I don't belong like I don't have a place anywhere and like when I take up space it's unwanted so why did u even bring me.

Like Can I just exist. Can I just enjoy where I am and who I'm with. Why do I always have to be reminded that I'm a burden and inconveniencing ppl. I'm trying to gwt better but it's so fucking hard when I'm told to shut up and be quiet and be small and other ppl don't like how I am. Fuck this. Fuck everything.

I just want to be happy and I want people to not HATE how I act when I'm just ME! is that so hard to ask? Sure I'm kinda drunk maybe I'm loud but should I just shut the fuck up? Should I stop taking up space bc of that? Fuck me I feel like shit. I just want to feel better and loved and it's so hard when I am told explicitly my worst fears that im fucking up everyones good time. Fuck me I'm shit I guess.

I know I'll be fine and I take care of myself as best I can but god. I'm trying so hard and maybe I shouldn't go out with strangers if this is what happens. I was having a great time but I guess I was running it for the host. Fuck me. Fuck me entirely I guess

[tiffgeorgina]

what did you think of the new episode???

OH LORD i had a lotttt of thoughts on this episode, understandably. CONTENT WARNING FOR DISCUSSIONS OF SUICIDE AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF THIS POST (it’s a long paragraph). also obviously spoiler warning for 2x08.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

please reach out to somebody if you’re feeling distressed after this episode, or if you or a loved one is considering self harm or suicide. im always here if you need somebody to vent or talk to. i love you all and i would be devastated if anything happened to any of you. 

anyways, episode discussion below:

-first of all, the corgina scene at the very beginning was PRICELESS. tiff and corkie had it DOWN until tiff lost her cool. i was DYING. casey wilson invented the word “fuck.”

-marcus/dawn and connie/mo double date. this whole scene had me CACKLING. marcus being such a comrade was not at all what i expected. the three-on-one connie smackdown i could not BREATHE. also includes classic moments such as “we’re doing black shit right now keith” and regina stealing every scene she’s in. also WOMEN xosha roquemore (connie) in dark lipstick is the best part of s2 prove me wrong

-also kind of out of order but dawn calling mo her best friend did not sit right... like in my soul. it’s like inherently wrong. so STRANGE to hear her say that.

-but connie sucks at being subtle lmfao dawn was not having any of that 

-“i can’t vote. im a felon” just out of nowhere GOD. and the fact that that’s the first time dawn’s learning that mo went to prison is fucked up. i’ve never seen a woman want a man to shut up so badly, and i’ve never been so glad that said man did not shut up lmfao

-tiff and blair’s apartment looks so good yes god!! also this season keeps referencing blair’s parents and it’s kind of putting me on edge. especially since next episode is “blair [being] forced to revisit his past.” on another note, andrew’s voice in this scene is SO FUNNY. you can tell he’s a voice actor i think

-also like we knew blair was into older men but now we like know lmfao. the richard gere jokes had LAYERS these writers outsold

-ok blair&tiff’s relationship... yikes. i cannot tell what the writers want their relationship to be. are they unhealthy and toxic and bad to each other? or are they platonic soulmates and life partners? make up your MIND, showtime.

-DON’T INFANTILIZE THE CUP BYE KJDFHGDFKJ

-first blarris scene was TENSE. acting good

-the confirmation that roger has kids... i mean i suspected it from the moment tuc’s character was announced in september but it makes the ending so much more painful. i KNOW that’s the only reason why they pushed the fact that the harrises are parents in this episode, bc it was never confirmed earlier.

-i hate how funny michael hitchcock is. im trying to hate newell but im laughing. why are his lines so funny who wrote this. 

-the sound design in this episode was a lot to take in. the music was intense asf and it stays intense throughout the whole ep

-keith cracking onto blair and trying to reconcile with him bc he’s feeling empathetic but blair shutting him down... can’t say keith doesn’t deserve it but i would’ve loved to have seen keith and blair just talk about being closeted and having affairs and shit.

-THE TRUMP CHILDREN LMFAOOOO they all look so smug the casting was great this ep

-mo shit talking connie TO HER FACE bc he knows connie can’t give up the act... fucking priceless i love to see it acab

-dawnroe physical contact hhhhh can you tell im rewatching this ep as i type this

-the wording on the “you’re with the FBI?” line is so perfect. bc it makes it totally sound like dawn’s onto mo and connie when really she’s just like “you’re siding with the FBI bitch?” highkey genius line

-posted this too early by accident oops. im still editing im not done yet lmfao

-MARCUS MO AND DAWN SAID ACAB FUCK YES

-ROGER GRABBING BLAIR’S HAND I AM ASCENDING. i knew about the hand holding scene there but i didn’t think roger would initiate it <3

-roger nearly kissing blair :’/

-LORD the trump children are little shits god

-daddy says it makes me look hot. you mean cute? ...no.

-oh GOD not this blarris scene. i like to believe that a gay person generally wouldn’t threaten to out another gay person on principle, but blair has shown how shitty of a person he's become all season. i hate it and it’s still ooc but i’ve seen worse on this show tbh.

-roger’s got a point, if he supports his campaign fund manager right off the bat, he’ll look like a total fraud and his career will be over. the fact that blair barely gives a shit really speaks to what his character has become. “fuck them” what a classic line

-ANDREW’S ACTING!!! his voice when he says “you use me” ugh i felt that in my chest. plus roger looking away after he says that... i mean god this cast is so talented

-blair snapping god. he’s got a point, he and roger have been dysfunctional asf all season. doesn’t justify threatening to out somebody AT ALL but finally hearing some emotion out of blair, a little bit of anger and frustration, it’s refreshing.

-does “who are you, blair?” count as a parallel to “who are you, pfaff?” from 1x01?

-blair outing roger to newell... yikes. again ooc and bad. blair’s a shitty guy but we’ve seen him have empathy before, even in s2. why would they make him do this i don’t get it.

-keith finding out about lenny is good. maybe something will finally come of this arc?

-parallel to 2x02 with blair mentioning his mom’s phrase, cool. probably gearing us up for more references to his parents next ep, culminating in a flashback to his childhood in 2x10.

-this scene where the trump kids are destroying everything is classic. you can genuinely tell that everybody there was having so much fun shooting that. idk, it’s nice.

-trump reveal HA what a great end to that scene

-keith coming by and fucking everything up... i mean i guess everybody KNOWS now. dawn/marcus is over (good) and dawn is probably right pissed at mo rn. but hey, fuck em all resurgence!!! ive been waiting for it and now it’s here!

-im scared, what’s connie gonna do? fuck cops

-“that’s a long way to go just to get a dig in” “it was a stretch but-” see what happens when you’re a narc? you lose your wit :/ sad! nice exit line from connie tho

-CW SUICIDE MENTION. ok time to talk about what definitely needs to be talked about. god this has had my chest hurting all day yesterday. i knew blarris would be outed eventually bc sho likes to milk every plot point for every bit of drama they can get out of it, but i did not expect roger to take his life. and blair finding him is just devastating. i said this on twt, but the fact that somebody could be so overwhelmed with internalized homophobia that being outed could cause them to commit suicide is so incredibly and deeply sad to me. i’ve been crying for a while over that fact. 

im just. im really sad. i’ve connected so much with these characters over the past two-ish years and this is such a devastating turn of events. i have no words. it isn’t bad writing or ooc by any means, it’s just so extremely and incredibly sad. there are probably thousands of people who have been in roger’s exact position before, and the realism really hits me hard. i can’t put into words how overwhelming sad this makes me. 

also pretty upset that this came as a COMPLETE shock to me and all my friends. we all watched on the sho streaming service, which did not have the “viewer discretion advised” card before the ep. the premier did, but the episode on the app did not. i really REALLY wish they had added that before i had seen the episode so i could prepare myself, even if just slightly. also wish they had added a suicide hotline number at the end. 

seeing blair grieve his loss is going to hurt but it’s probably going to give us closure too. i think about this show all the time, and now thinking about it makes me so overwhelmingly sad. i sound dramatic but this show has been with me for so long. not being able to see much of blair’s reaction beside the initial shock has been haunting me. im so scared for what the future episodes are going to bring.

thank you for reading, i love you all <3

[wincore]

IT GETS BETTER WHEN I QUIT (╥_╥) until then i’ll just try my best 2 survive

“are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men” yes 100% that’s exactly what i am saying. U GETTING 2D MEN BRAINROT... >>>>> ill seriously be waiting for the day 😌😌 atsumu is incredibly irritating u will love him. im going to manifest hq tiktok edits showing up in ur fyp JDJWJSJJ

OMGG i never watched coffee&vanilla but now i know not to so thank u LOL i can’t handle watching cringey dramas!! IM SO EXCITED FOR S2 TOO!! i’m not even a horror fan generally but the storyline was so different and mysterious i was hooked!! should i read the manga?? :o how diff would u say it was from the netflix adaptation?

NOO ME TOO!! watching a whole series takes so much brain power and attention 😭😭 esp when starting something new, sometimes i just don’t have the energy to learn abt new characters/a new world

I LOVE THE PREVIEW IM SO SO EXCITED!! “she wins mostly dw” WHEW!! we cannot have jaehyun winning this we can agree on 😫. LMFAOO WHEN I SAW DONGMIN I WAS LIKE :oooo No way.... no way.. that would hurt so bad for me 🙄🙄 perfect man is ur soulmate and u wont even end up together... goodbye.. (ok jaehyun u r ok as well i guess)

YES I REREAD 19K HDJWJJD IT WAS A POST-FINALS TREAT & U ARE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR!!!! also now im rlly curious abt what runway-taeyong’s yn will be like?!? esp in comparison to runway yn!!! give me crumbs pls

“i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3” STOPPPQJDJ ME TOO??? i think e2l with mark is impossible truly... it just doesnt make sense

“i love this characterization of him!!” IM SO GLAD LOL I WASNT SURE ABT MY WORDING!! sicheng rlly is perfect for these kinds of roles & im PUMPED for ceo sicheng for this very reason 👀👀

U HAD ME AT THEME SONG SINCERITY IS SCARY WTFFF!! “i don’t think i’m cut out to write that” i respect ur decision BUT im sure u are capable!!!! when u feel ready i will b here waiting bc i am in luv with just the vaguest concept of this piece! “so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting” LMFAOOO NOT EVEN JK I AGREE... its disorienting to see him written as intense/broody when most of the time he’s just kinda has one main mode which is 🙂

YESSS FIC WISE BC OF U!!! im in the same boat abt it not working irl, i think if i had beef with a man i would just never interact with them ever again.... no man is worth the time... we are not gonna beef it out we will just cease to know each other. BUT YES BOTH TROPES WORK BETTER IN FIC LMFAO i love the #pining #hurt/comfort #angsttofluff HSJWJSJ

YESS THATS WHY UR VAMP FIC WAS SO REFRESHING!! BC IT WAS DIFFERENT!! if we simply stop pretending bites r enjoyable i think we can begin 2 reverse the damage that media has done to vampire aus

omg that’s a lot of things to do!! PLS MAKE SURE TO GET ENOUGH REST & EAT WELL TOO!! take care of yourself 🤍🤍🤍

- tata

i just started watching jujutsu kaisen and i might just ruin my life for 2d men once again <3 i feel like i wil have a whirlwind obsessive phase like my 15 year old self again goodbye (also. pls. this atsumu character is appealing to me way too much for someone with god level standards for irl men. every time a 2d man is annoying i go 😍💍👰💒 loml) ALSO OK WTF HOW DID YOU PREDICT THAT I’VE BEEN GETTING A LOT OF HQ TIKTOKS IN MY FYP LATELY LIKE I SCROLLED THROUGH 8 CONSECUTIVE ONES 😭😭😭 TATA DID YOU HIJACK MY FYP

sdjgdjs i’ve only ever watched cringe dramas if the man is good looking (but like only clips in this case) or i need to make fun of it with my friends . i like to indulge in horror when i’m anxious bc it somehow makes it better like 😭 at least i have it better than THOSE guys lmfao <3 but also i don’t like heavy gore ahaha. 

some parts of the aib live action i liked WAY better especially bc the actors did so incredibly well portraying the characters (and the 7 of hearts game... bye i took so long coming to terms with it it’s WAY more emotional in the live) and i liked the first game (different in the manga) way more in the live. as for the manga i HATE the ending but also the manga introduces side characters and their stories and i really like that about it! the whole tunnel distance game was actually a side story in the manga and i kind of don’t like them centering the plot too much around arisu (but .. also.. it’s yamazaki kento... and i like that man too much for my dignity..) and also.... i don’t like how they left niragi and aguni’s status undisclosed like that??? like [LIGHT MANGA SPOILERS] they play a very key role in the manga so ?!?! i just hope s2 turns out well netflix i am begging u

ANDSDHSKDJDSL PLS I AM SO SORRY but dongmin is in love with another woman 😔 maybe in some other life. jaehyun is out there being a himbo though so choose carefully what you wish for 🤩 every time jaehyun wins i got mad at myself like no way pilsbury dough boy is winning against miss i know everything

SDHSJD so far lookbook-yn is way more confident and assertive than runway-yn but more in a.. himbo-like way LOL if that makes sense. runway-yn was kind of self conscious and fueled by passion and the need to stand out in their field of work but this yn is more comedic i think lol!! she’s kind of critical and clever in her own way but also she will confidently tell u the wrong directions to the nearest grocery store if u ask bc she thought she knew </3

SDFJGDSJ IT LITERALLY STARTED AS ME DAYDREAMING TO SINCERITY IS SCARY <3 i don’t even have a title yet 🤧 i feel like im favouring this bread man too much but it’s fun to characterize him so <33 i would love for him to be heartbroken and bitter for once 😌 “most of the time he’s just kinda has one main mode which is 🙂” that emoji TOOK ME OUT DSJKDHSD it’s literally him??

men r literally never worth the time </3 either be a lovable himbo or go away 😐 WAIT BC OF ME??? IM STILSLDSHDSKHKDSLJDS ily ❣🌼🌙

why would they make bites to be some sort of sensual thing like literally any other animal biting us for blood would be either horrifying (demon) or just annoying (mosquitoes)

you take care of yourself too!!!!!! hope your job loosens a bit on you and you excel in academics enough to not worry about it 😌 eat well sleep well ily ❤

[toziers]

can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts. 

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention. 

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable  with “notsfw” and “bill hader”. 

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs. 

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves. 

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over. 

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the “fhg” tag. 

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti. 

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself. 

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog). 

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine. 

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts. 

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again. 

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content. 

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning. 

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves. 

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree). 

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen. 

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that 

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19. 

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in). 

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry. 

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has. 

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink. 

[fuck-customers]

LET'S GO LADIES

It's been a fucken minute but I've got stories to tell. This is gonna be a long fucking post so warning

Tdlr; we're severely understaffed I'm overworked and my supervisor is a incompetent condescending asshole. Also there's a lunch goblin

It's your pizza made fast manager turned to factory worker in case anyone remembers(prolly not I didn't post too much)

So things were pretty good at the factory job for a while, course there were complaints but what job doesn't have one? But then we start losing people, either they quit or got fired or was a temp and got let go. And as we're losing people we're getting into the time of year where we're getting way more busy and it's only going to grow until the end of the year.

So a brief explanation of how my department works; We pack labels for customers all over the country and out, and there are short run packers and long run packers. Short run handles the smaller orders and go by how many orders they do in a day. Long run handles big ass orders and go by how many boxes. Long run only needs about 4 ppl whereas short run generally needs at minimum 4 to operate smoothly. As of this week (9/9-9/13) short run has two packers including myself. Now my department also ships the orders as well, we put the orders on a belt and it goes to a computer where you activate and ship the order. I am one of 2 people who know how to ship as well so guess what I have to do? That's right, ship AND pack back and forth. And sometimes I have to do other things as well so I'm essentially doing the job of 3 people by myself. If that wasn't bad enough my supervisor is a complete and utter fool. He's been here over a year and officially a supe since January and he STILL has no idea what he's doing or how this department works. Shit I've only been here since March but I know more than him at this point! He doesn't understand how to keep the shift going smoothly and the other supes have been taking our team lead so that he can learn more but all that's doing is stressing us out because he doesn't listen and he goes too our lead anyway bc again he doesn't know anything!

And then there's his attitude. Idk if he truly thinks he's better than us but that is the definite feeling I get from him when he speaks to us. And GOD FORBID you stop working to take a breather or chat real quick or fucking just PAUSE(I do this when I'm figuring out what box to use) he's ON YOUR CASE about it. He loves to do this loud ass clap and shout "LET'S GO LADIES" every. Fucking. Night. Sometimes multiple times a night. It's getting to the point I either need to bring it up with management or im going to snap at him and lose my job.

We also have a lunch goblin.

There's this woman that works in warehouse. She's from the temp agency and she's been here about two months or so. Everyday without fail she will ask someone who is leaving on break to get her food as well. Which, fine, you don't have a car that's understandable but... you're a grown ass adult. You can MAKE food. Don't give the excuse I'm broke bitch we're all broke! But also, be fucking polite! Don't get in my face asking if I'm going out somewhere and getting pissed when I say no. She will hound anyone who is offering food too and there's no thank you or anything.

Yesterday(9/11) I got taco bell with two of my friends and not even getting in the door of the place she sees us and goes "well damn if I'd known y'all were going to taco bell i could have had some lunch!" And this upstairs bitch beside her says. "Oh, they never ask.."

EXCUSE ME?! What's my name bitch?! Do you know it? Cause I don't know yours! I don't know anything about you, why the fuck would I ask a complete stranger if they want food?! Am I supposed to go through the entire factory asking everyone if they want food, am I an errand boy, is that part of my job description? NO! YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO MY TIME. You don't get to act like IM the bad guy because I didn't get you, a STRANGER, fucking food! Are you fucking kidding me?!

This is getting too long so I'll end with this; I don't hate the work, it's honestly fine and I love the friends I've made working here. But if something doesn't fucking change or if i don't get into a different department I will lose my shit. Quit treating your employees like emotionless robots and give me a FUCKING raise

[talesfromacrip]

a h hhhhh:

tired of writing .feel like no ones even bothered to read it. I’m not gonna try and explain again about what’s going on with me. It’s all there and if there’s something after, then maybe I’ll talk about it.

fucking tired of this shit..

dreams are still the same, some aren’t but the hell am I gonna do about that?,

nights are still long and lonely which isn’t fun. I sleep almost halfw of my day away and do fucking nothing much. even if I say I am, I’m disassociating at times. which is difficult to say bc instant mood killer imo.

parents keep setting me off like a firework at times.

stressed with this political climate bc of these idiots

other miscellaneous events I’m too tired to even write out..

like,,what the fuck else do I say?? that already hasn’t been said ?

-

ohhhh, that I’m feeling suicidal again? no urges at all to drink.. but to die??how? Idk, I’m not quite sure but the feeling to just, log off the server is there. to disappear. no pain. just, leave and not have people deal with my shit it seems

lovely thing for people to know, ya know. especially now :’))

-

that I’m gonna die a lonely fuck with nothing to offer besides, I don’t really know tbh.. art, talking?? what else even is there? my money I get? which is ‘soooo much’ my ass.. mm

people really think I’m just this, sexless being now I guess as well. especially with my sexuality and the way I act.. I’m not and it pisses me off.. maybe if y’all read my pieces, you’d know why I’m like this. ._. 

-

that idk if my parents will be here any longer and that I’ll end up all by my fucking self?? my dad keeps bringing up his medical issues and hearing his words, makes me terrified for the future .for myself and my mom..

I can feel it though and I hate this feeling.. I know it’s true though in some way.

I don’t want to be put with anyone in either of my parents families.. or a home.

I don’t want toxicity anymore in my life.. I don’t even know if anyone will even deal with me thiugh and take care bc I’m such a big ass burden

im so lost on this 

-

thay I’m tired of the fighting, yelling and all this abled shit??

-

that my baggy asss eyes are tired of seeing my body at times? I don’t want to look at myself anymore some days when I pass by the stupid mirror. when I try.. a wave overcomes me. I don’t cry. I just glare and judge intensely for a second and then go on. I think of others comments, the positive ones that is, to work on mental sticky notes. reminding me but sometimes they fall. I pick em up when I can

must I go on ???????

———

I hope that I don’t come across as rude when I tell people that it’s alright if they don’t help me.. I’m such a fucking burden at times and some have more, important matters to attend to.. why help me? ._.

like,, I know people want to help.. but how?? If you do,I know I’m gonna snap at you like with my parents at times. back out or just, not accept it..

it’s not bc of how it’s being done either  but how I just shouldn’t even be receiving it in the first place.

I love help.. don’t get me wrong but I’ve gotten so much. I feel any more and I’ll get yelled at. which, I don’t want. other need it more, the help. don’t want people wasting their energy on someone with barely any and has to fake it at times :’))

-

I can’t even hold a proper conversation it seems bc I’m so, boring.. especially with this fucking cursed ass pain I get occasionally. ruins my mood and makes me an even bigger ass..

I wish I could hold one and not be so nervous. some I can but it’s a facade at times. I know no one is really thinking that yet my brains blares it.

I’m,suffering. I hate using that word but I feel like that.

not gonna let others down bc of it. some slips through but ‘yikes, sis’ as the kids say.

———

I hate how everything that’s so wholesome and genuine I see, I can barely even do. I especially hate how I imagine it with someone who deserves better. like, much fucking better.. ._.

I hate how heavy my heart feels when I’m in this, mood. every day.

I feel so lost at times

-

wish I could tell them how I feel.

how everyday my heart aches almost every moment we converse.

the pain reminding me how real this feeling is and how much I don’t want it to go away..

if only I can be so brave as before and others who have spoken such words. instead I’ll just ruin things as always which I tend to do at times it seems ._.

-

of course the ables get their attention, affection and whatnot from them..

how I envy them so much. especially when your told it happens as well.. like, thanks a lot for telling me events I’ll never be able to experience

I’ll never be good enough for that and if I am.. doesn’t feel like it at times. no matter what ido. don’t blame them thiugh..

-

I hope that whenever I post something regarding my personal feelings and all.. that is, regarding who I love and whatnot; that no one associates them with ‘s’. ._. I don’t have to say their name either. real or not, disgusting as it is but hopefully you understand.

all the art and whatnot, ughhhhhh.. it’s not them.. it’s someone else entirely and I’m just a coward as always .watching from the sidelines as time eats my heart away

hopefully no one thinks that.. feel like some do. annoys the shit out of me. not gonna ask but I hope it stops when it can...

like I said, it’s about someone else entirely 

who is much nicer and just, way better than anyone.. even ‘them’ as I preached before but they weren’t. never was. that was a lie to hide what was going on. this time, its not

-

how I wish I could hold them in my arms.. to just burry my face in their chest and hear their warm heart beat confirming that they are real. here. on the same planet as me. same time, place..but I can’t

how I wish I could move my hands up to praise them and gently bestow a kiss upon their delicate cheeks, forehead.. body.. but I can’t

how I wish to hold their hands gently.. the same hands that have helped me in the most low of times. creative, strong. I can’t..

can’t do anything of the sort, only imagine which makes my heart ache even more.. do you know how hard it is to imagine yourself disabled doing activities? N O, you don’t. when I do,it makes me cry bc it’s abled still. something I thought I was gonna be again.. I fuckingf hate it

how petrified I am to even speak these thoughts out loud to you.. I could before but that was a, different time. how I miss it but don’t bc a part of that,wasn’t me.

bit difficult to explain

———

that’s literally all I have for now.. the rest is the same. minor changes here.. s u r e. working on it thiugh ,,best I can

[ssweeneys]

i’m having a REALLY bad day

or really past couple of weeks where work is concerned and i just wanna vent bc you know sometimes people out there in the working world understand ya know???

its long, beware. idek if i’ll keep this up its more so for me to just let it out.

so like i’m an office admin for a company (we’ll leave it nameless for protection purposes) and like i supervise receptionists for my office so i’m kinda an office manager but not technically? if that makes sense.

anyway. people these days just don’t want to fucking work like EVER and like to start jobs and then up and vanish to collect that unemployment which to me is really just dumb since there are rules to it in every state and nine times out of ten you’re making like 60% of what your normal paycheck would be and thats surely not enough to live on, so like ??? i don’t get it.

there’s been a constant rotation of receptionists come and go over the last couple of months and two girls who work for me have stepped in on numerous occasions. one lady is in her 60s and doesn’t know anything about computers and is kind of dense?? to say the least. nothing against old ladies. i actually find a majority of them cute or hilarious bc they say what they think and dont give a f*ck who it offends and sometimes that blunt honesty is refreshing and you just need it in a world where people bullshit you 24/7 to further themselves for selfish gain and yaddy yada

anyways.. over recent weeks she’s become more and more intolerable to deal with. i ask her to do things and she gives me attitude and its like the simplest of things.. like email this person, make sure you let this person know they got a package, etc, etc. she can’t do even the most basic of tasks without screwing up. her attitude is just atrocious.

and due to people coming and going i’ve had to alter our schedule a lot. recently, one girl requested off so i adjusted the older lady’s hours (lets call her--carla) mind you carla only works 1 day a week and i’ve been super generous in giving her the entire week of christmas off so -- yeah.

anyways the girl who requested off (we’ll call her nicole) told me she didnt need those days off anymore and so i fixed the schedule one more time to her original days/hours.

now, i print off the schedule every time a change is made and whoever is at the reception desk i tell them to let the other girls know and post it right by the computer they sit at every day so theres no excuse for anyone to say i didnt make them aware. well carla is not the brightest bulb as we already established and she doesnt pay attention so we pretty much have to coddle her apparently and make sure she understands (although its pointless bc she doesnt no matter how hard you try to explain something to her) ANYWAYS she comes in on nicoles day when she wasnt supposed to anymore bc the schedule was fixed, posted, etc. and she gets mad when i ask her why shes there. and yes, i understand that the rotation has fucked us all over and up in so many ways. she is not the only victim here. this has been stressing me out left and right and to no end for MONTHSSSSS. so like i get it? i’m sympathetic to that. i understand the confusion and frustration, i’m right there with them.

HOWEVER, because she’s annoyed/mad/whatever she gives me attitude all day yesterday and is flagrantly disrespectful. i’m her supervisor, regardless is someone upsets you, act professional.

but she doesn’t. we know that. or at least I DO. anyhow.. she’s mad. she’s pissed off right? she’s got an attitude. she sees the new schedule, she brings it to me in my office and asks if its the correct one for tomorrow WHICH SHE IS ON!!! let me make that clear. she was on. she asks if its correct, i’m in the middle of composing an email so i take a moment to respond ‘yes’ she huffs, storms off and goes “you know what? nevermind” i’m like.... okay?? i brush it off. i’ve been brushing off her poor attitude all damn day and i dont say A THING. BC I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND. IM SYMPATHETIC TO THAT. we all have bad days. we all get a little frustrated sometimes. we’re human, yeah?

yeah. right. ok.

so then like... carla is working the morning shift for nicole. both carla and nicole showed up. carla pitched a fit bc she came in and was already there and didnt want to go home so nicole was so sweet about it and said thats okay, she can work i understand. bc even though nicole is like half her age, she’s MATURE.

at this point i dont even understand why carla is so upset? she got to stay. she got the hours. she’ll be making the money. all is good right? WRONG.

when the next girl comes in for the afternoon shift, i over hear carla telling her about the mishap that happened that morning (yesterday) and my office is literally maybe 6-7 feet from the front desk so i can hear EVERYTHING that goes on. i mean this is my job. i’m pretty much in charge of making sure the office is running, our employees are happy, etc.

so yeah i over hear carla telling this girl that and i quote “yeah nicole came in this morning and the schedule was switched around and i stayed because i was already here. (then something unintelligible I cant make out bc her voice lowers) you know, it really pisses me off that this keeps happening.”

SHE SAID THIS. TO A NEW GIRL. MAKING ME, NICOLE, EVERYONE LOOK BAD EVEN THOUGH SHE GOT WHAT SHE WANTED, NICOLE APOLOGIZED, I APOLOGIZED FOR THE MISHAP, IVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR THIS LADY TO PACIFY HER OR WORK WITH HER OR COMPENSATE HER.

so its so infuriating, disrespectful and really downright disgusting for her to trash me, my name, etc to someone. but you know what? I DONT SAY ANYTHING. I dont cause a scene. I go about my business and let it roll off my shoulders bc at this point I know if I say anything its just going to turn ugly and I’m in a professional setting. Sometimes its better to bite your tongue, hold your head up high and move the fuck on about your business.

NOW... oh now, we’re on today. carla is scheduled to work. she came into my office, confirmed it, she was FULLY AWARE OF THIS.

so nicole calls her 5 mins before shes scheduled to clock in and is politely like hey you on your way? and carla is like oh no i don’t work today.

BITCH! THE FUcK YOU MEAN????? WE CONFIRMED THIS LITERALLY!!!!!!!!

omg i cannot at this point i really cannot

but lets proceed... so carla. she’s like yeah i dont come in, tells nicole to check with me. nicole comes to me, i smh and just sigh and am like ok i’m sorry can you please call her back and tell her shes supposed to be here and if theres any issues, transfer the call to me. so nicole calls her, they’re talking, carla is being a cunt (sorry at this point you are) and so i talk to her and shes like you know, this is so frustrating i came in there i asked you if i was supposed to work and you said no (the other girl she trash talked to idk who to name her) and IM LIKE SITTING THERE GOING ????? WHEN????? TO MYSELF BC WE JUST HAD THIS CONVERSATION

MY PATIENCE IS SO THIN, ITS NON EXISTENT AT THIS POINT IM OVER IT

IM TIRED

IM SO FUCKING TIRED AND SICK OF HAVING TO PICK UP THE SLACK AND DO EVERYTHING MY FUCKING SELF BC NO ONE CAN COME TO WORK, DO THEIR JOB AND GO HOME.

can i just make a point too that we make $12 an hour here. sometimes we are LITERALLY SO BORED we have nothing to do. we can read books or watch netflix if no one is around or i even have time to rp at times. so like THIS IS THE EASIEST JOB IN THE WORLD A FUCKING MONKEY could do it.

all you do is answer phones and transfer calls or send an email

its LITERALLY. THAT. FUCKING. SIMPLE????

so like i just dont get it

but back to the point... carla is arguing with me, basically saying my communication sucks, i’m unprofessional (which is laughable but ok) etc...

and i just cant hold it in anymore?? and i’m like well carla, i’m sorry you feel that way and i understand where you’re coming from but i don’t appreciate that you were disrespectful yesterday, you told (new girl) that you were pissed off about what happened and proceeded to talk about me in a really unsatisfactory way.

and she WANTED TO TRY AND SAY THAT THIS WAS A DEFAMATION TO HER CHARACTER. WHEN SHE FUCKING SAID IT!!!!!!!!!!! i mean you can’t but if you were to ask anyone i know i have freakishly good hearing and it gets on my family’s nerves all the time bc i need quiet when writing and i have to beg them to turn their tvs down low just so i can concentrate.

I FUcKIng HEARD THESE EXACT WORDS COME OUT OF HER MOUTH!!!! and she wants to sit here and say that i’m defaming her character.

NO BITCH. Im repeating what I fucking heard you say!!!

why would i make that up? why??? how does that benefit me in any way??? what does that do for me???? NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! i’m not benefitting from anything here.

in addition when talking to her on the phone i bring up the fact that she brought the schedule to me (the correct one which SHE IS ON) and asked me to verify if it was correct. but then proceeds to say in the same breath (contradicting herself) that she’s going off the old one????? like okay????? but you’re wrong?? SHE EVEN SAYS ITS AN OVERSIGHT ON HER CHARACTER, SHE ALREADY MADE PLANS YADDY YADA, SHE CANT COME IN TODAY

moral of the story is... she’s dumb. she’s a fucking cunt. and i hate people who try to spin things and victim blame and tell you you’re defaming their character when you call them out on something real they actually said because they’re scared little pussies and can’t just admit its what they fucking said.

yo i’d have a lot more respect for you if you just admit it. i’m not even mad??? i dont give a fuck what you think or feel about me. when i leave here every day i dont come home and cry about work or how people feel about me there.

work me is different from real me. I. DO. NOT. FUCKING. CARE. work people do not know me on a real level only a professional one. i am here to do a job, to make money, to pay bills, to LIVE. i am not here to fret over the opinions of people who do not follow me home, who do not know the real me. WHO. DO. NOT. FUCKING. MATTER.

POINT FUCKING BLANK.

THANK YOU AND GOODBYE

like seriously?? GOD FUCK! i’m so angry.

if you read all of this, like thanks for letting me vent to a total stranger lmao you’re a real one, may you be blessed today and always.

onto that note... i gotta get back to work. (lmfao fucking irony at its finest)

[eternaldipshit]

alright i’m fuckin PISSED

i just made this blog yesterday to maybe possibly post a homestuck fic i’m working on but now i’m going to use it to scream into the utter fucking gaping void of the homestuck fandom bc none of my friends are actively in it right now and god dammit i am UPSET

fact: i got a lotta feelings for the striders. they are my shit. i adore them. ok? so that’s an established fact now ok good cool moving on 

fact: when game over was released, i quit the homestuck fandom. that shit broke me. even if it wasn’t the “alpha” timeline or w/e it still fucking happened and it upset my delicate fucking sensibilities and hearing carne vale STILL triggers some sort of visceral feeling of panic and straight-up fuckin MISERY in me and i wish i was fucking kidding but i just put it on now to test it and ugh ugh gughgsh

fact: i started rereading homestuck this month from the beginning and reigniting my love for it. game over still fucked me up, but i powered through it and 5 years fuckin late i finished a harrowing emotional rollercoaster that i’d started like 7 years ago and was just... DEEPLY fucking unsatisfied with the ending which is why i started writing aforementioned fic in the first place but that is not relevant rn this is a whole different rant ok

fact: i wrote like 20k words for this fic in the span of like 3 days it was sick as fuck

fact: the epilogues are dumb as fuck and i despise them 

and that’s the meat of it really. fuck the epilogues. 

i haven’t finished them yet, but i just. ugh. UGH. words escape me. partially bc im a shit wordsmith but also bc *SPOILERS* i just got to dirk’s funeral scene and just fuckin. gave the fuck up. 

i never liked the original homestuck ending to begin with, but i never expected that the epilogues would be so fucking... bleak. it’s like reading a shitty fanfic except all the fun is sucked out of it bc technically all the shit you’re reading is canon and that makes it all seem drab and unfunny and just kinda depressing 

especially in the i guess ‘doomed’ timeline where dirk kills himself 

idk if it hit me hard bc of the flippant treatment of suicide or if it’s just bc i love dirk so much as a character but it just hurt in so many different fucking ways

it doesn’t help that the epilogues paint dirk as a straight up fucking sociopath

and i can see why that would make sense, really. his expanding godhood powers played into his pre-existing sociopathic tendencies in the worst way possible but

it’s just

not what i want to imagine from a fucking epilogue

call me soft and an idealist but i like my happy endings god dammit and fuck FUCK FUCK the epilogues. i want to try to finish them but it’s just. fucking difficult. 

i think the suicide was the last straw for me and now that i think about it it’s definitely bc of my own suicidal ideation and this is exactly why i avoided that stupid fucking show about the girl killing herself no matter how many times it was recommended to me bc i consume media to distract myself from my problems not have them blared in my face in neon lights 

i also fucking hate how dirk’s character morphed from a manipulative as hell genius who constantly struggled with his own morality to this kind of puppeteer who is flagrantly detached from his peers and seems to hold no real attachment to any of them it’s just

it’s shitty

and i was so excited for it bc i thought it would grant me more insight into dirk’s and dave’s characters, considering the fic i’m writing is strider-centric and it just completely took the wind out of my sails instead bc this is not what i pictured for dirk at all 

i mean i’m not a fucking idiot. i know he’s an asshole and an ‘ends justify the means’ guy and definitely manipulative and controlling but this is also the guy that cut off his own head to save all of his friends and tried his best to comfort dave when he was having a breakdown despite his own supposed lack of empathy

and i want so badly to continue my fic like i never read this but i can’t ignore it bc it’s fucking CANON. and i know my biffle would be like ‘fuck canon’ but i can’t fuck canon ok it’s the reason these characters exist in the first place. i might rewrite the whole ending but i wanted to stay as true to canon characterization as poss and now i just. can’t. 

the real kicker is that i was willing to look past the reveal that he was the narrator the whole time, controlling the lives of all the characters even if it literally gave me goosebumps bc it put that whole ‘jake keeps thinking about dirk while jane kisses him’ thing into a new disturbingly unromantic light but i ignored that too. i switched to the other path for a bit and i knew from the minute it switched to the scene where dirk’s hands are shaking and he calls jane i KNEW he would kill himself but i convinced myself otherwise and surprise surprise got my ass handed to me on a silver platter for it

but i cannot i CANNOT believe he would do that to dave. i flat-out refuse. i flat-out fucking refuse to believe that dirk could be so cruel as to leave them all behind in such a crass fashion and how DARE he do that to dave how fucking dare he doomed timeline or not that dude’s been through enough shit like come the fuck ON and decapitating himself??? that’s not poetic fucking justice that is just straight up cruel af and i know these are all fictional chars and this whole scenario is fictional but it is SO UPSETTING TO ME bc that is the EXACT thing you think about before a suicide attempt you think about what it would do to your loved ones and i absolutely irrefutably fucking REJECT the idea that dirk is so far-gone in his godhood puppet game that it wouldn’t even cross his fucking mind and it is just so much worse to me that dave is the one who found the body and i know dirk isn’t a ‘good’ guy but ugh UGH it’s like they just threw out his whole fucking conversation with dave where it’s obvious that he tries to be a better person even tho he knows he’s an asshole and it’s just.

fucking upsetting. 

i hate hate hate what they’ve done to dirk’s character in this it’s like they took all the struggle and all the growth from the adventure and all the nuances and just boiled it down to make a caricature of the person he used to be, emphasizing the negatives so that the epilogues could have this weird fucking quasi-villain dictating everyone’s lives 

why do these epilogues even exist

no one is going to read this but i am just so full of righteous indignation that i needed to get it off my chest. i was so hyped to be back into homestuck again, so excited to see what more it had to offer and this just. ruined all that joy for me. and now i’m afraid i’m just going to fall right back out of it again. 

what the fuck is the opposite of a redemption arc bc that is exactly what the fuck happened here. 

anyway tl;dr i love returning to a fandom i haven’t touched in 5 years and finding out one of my fav chars just got narratively butchered yeah i’m fine it’s cool