#ok its 7am i need to sleep omg

[deadcrybabysmut]

took two tabs of acid 12 hours ago and im still reeling. today has been a chaotic rollercoaster of laughter, tears, and anger—so much fucking anger.

i don't know how I would have managed to make it through the day if it weren't for the two people who understand me and see me and resonate with me the most. they grounded me. especially when i couldn't handle my trip going south when their shitty mom came home and fucked up the vibe.

anyway i wanna sort of get out what happened tonight in this post so i can essentially look back on it later 🤸🏽‍♀️

also, every one of our seven cats avoided me like the plague while tripping and that made me so fucking sad, until i realized i was probably freaking them out lmao which is understandable and if I were them I'd have told me to go fuck myself too tbh

ok so when i initially took the tabs, i was already twenty minutes into watching I Am a Hero which I lowkey was expecting to be horrific—boy was I fucking WRONG 🤡🤡🤡 this movie was too fucking funny FOR WHAT?

—had me crying about what I would do if the only foods available during the apocalypse were all the ones I hated (i would simply die bc ain't no way im eating eggs or pork or seafood like what kind of shit is that?? 😵🤮🤮) THEN I started thinking about the mfs who would get bit and not say anything! like BITCH HELLO????? WHY MUST WE SUFFER BC YOU WERE THE WEAK LIIINK???!! but then I was like lol same 🤭 bc fuck you lucky mfs. yeah, im butthurt and y'all ain't gon know until it's too late oop 💁🏽

there was also some weird "i shouldn't be a creep bc she's a high schooler and it's a crime" type moment which led to me giggling about how Hideo really almost became a meal for copping a feel??? idk shit was funny in the moment really and hearing HOW the girl got bit before all that, made it so much funnier (spoiler: it was by some stupid baby lol what a loser. to get turned by someone with six baby teeth lmfaoo couldn't be me. anyway...)

there's only one zombie I have to talk about—THAT FUCKING ATHLETIC ONE. bitch ain't no way mans was training that entire time for that fucking hard, and no one put it together???!?! I saw dude's caved in head and how he would THROW HIMSELF onto his head FOR FUN and I just KNEW we needed to keep an eye on that mf. he killed that shit tbh 🤣🤣

anyway by the end of the movie i had already cried twice about having to eat eggs if zombies were running rampant lmao and i damn near had a stroke laughing at ol girl becoming half a zombie bc of the six baby teeth that scraped the back of her neck. LIKE????? idk. fortunately, 10/10 recommend watching on acid / would do again! maybe! 👉🏼👉🏼

*just gonna throw in here that we started watching Robin Hood Men in Tights immediately after this, and if you've seen that movie, you KNOW that shit was hilarious! throw in an acid trip and it's a fucking masterpiece 💀 unfortunately we didn't get through it all because shitty mom showed up and pissed everyone off bc she refused to eat anything all day and decided it would be everyone's problem! we made her food, she didn't eat it. her husband bought her food, she didn't eat it. instead, she cried about feeling nauseous, picked a fight with her husband over nothing, then told us she was leaving to her mom's house. 😐😐 After reassuring me they were ok, I made my siblings go to bed and spent two hours talking myself down I was so fucking livid. I'm still very much wide awake and functional, but I really don't want to be soo I'm going to force myself to crash I guess???

[thelakeuknowinurnearbypark]

Ok i should accept that my life is fucked because i cannot i have consecutive sleeping hours

context: 3 days ago was daylight saving or the other way around ( im trying to say we lost 2am-3am ) and in real life i thought i stayed up for an extra hour and forced myself to sleep but i remembered when i woke up

dream: i woke up to my current bed and saw my phone shows 7am and i thought i had ~1.5 hours more before i need to actually wake up and i slept again. I woke the second time to see its 7:28 ( the time i set my daily alarm ) and woke up the third time to see it's 7:43. The next time i check it's 9:43 and i assume this is because of the context i mentioned earlier

I woke up immediately to get ready and everything but next time i checked it's already 9:5x. I rushed downstairs but the streets was hong kong not sydney (help) i queued at the minibus stop and saw my friend's dad who also lived at the same district as my family ( both hk and syd ) he was asking about the minibus routes and i offered to help

I could have taken any bus stop route (omg i just realised this is probably why it's because it's the same situ in both places) anyways i got on the most expensive route and used OPAL CARD?? girl im in hk and somehow my school card ( unlimited transport ) still fucking works so yay

nevertheless im still late at this point and i had a vivid image of looking into the mall the bus route passes by. When i got off the bus it is already 10:5x so i walked in dreadfully

and then i woke up and was actually late to the thing i needed to go today (but only by 5 mins) because no fucking buses

list of intersting dreams ive had since 2024 started

jan: on a date with my primary classmates who i have not seen in years and we were in a restaurant and then we were on star ferry and went to a stadium to watch a sports match??? (i rmb she was one of those people whom i realize i may be a bit attracted to when i dwell on my past)

feb: the same nightmare I've had since i was 16 -- being chased by a bunch of celebrities and i kept on tripping n falling onto weird surface and at the end I'll just gain the ability of flying ??? (this dream always comes back i have no idea why)

mar: i got a nose job and people i met are keep on trying to sabotage my nose for some reason (and i was sitting next to many famous Asian models who are often accused of having done plastic surgery) ??? was having a fever tho so probably even more stuff dont make sense

mar 2: I WAS DESTORYING 12 YOs IN SEPHORA???

april has been nothing much because im totally sick for so long and i cant remember shit

why am i sucking off my friend in public on 420 at midnight

by the end of april i have lost my sense of time

may 1: i was watching birds in the countryside with my family and my friends came too??

may 2: couldn't sleep for 2 hours and went into the xmen universe

[nanasarea]

Huang Renjun as your bff

Genre: crack fluff

Pairing: Renjun x reader

Prompt: Renjun being your crackhead bestie

Word count: 865

Jaemin / Jisung / Renjun / Haechan / Chenle / Jeno

ok so my leo ass needs this chaotic aries in my life so

so you two have been online friends for a while now

it started when you saw his art blog

so you messaged him to praise his work

and he immediately was like

this is my new fave person yes compliment me bitch

and you did 

you hyped him up so much

him being cocky af abt it to the other dreamies

“I’m sorry, the best artist of this century can not do the dishes, I am royalty.” 

Jeno being mad that he has to do the dishes AGAIN

“if I ever meet y/n, I shall scold them for feeding your ego”

anyway, you two interact a lot after that

he asks about your opinion on his recent drawings

and you’re like

oMg mY MuTuAl Is So TaLeNtEd wAt

and he gets shy 

you end up talking everyday

he makes sure to reply as fast as he can 

and gets scolded by Jeno for texting you during practice

one day, you tell him you really wanna meet up irl

and he goes into panic mode

he’s not ready

he’s no where near ready

he’s getting hit by Jeno for disturbing his sleep with his panicking

“Renjun, it’s 4am and our schedule starts at 7am, go to SLEEP.”

“But, like, if we meet, what will I wea-”

*cue him being hit by Jeno’s pillow*

so the day arrives

he’s so nervous that he makes Jeno go with him

cue Jeno cursing at him 

“LET ME SLEEP FOR ONCE”

“but it’s y/n!” 

so he makes Jeno film the first time you meet

bc he thinks its gonna be cute af

which it was

“I’m wearing a yellow hoodie, wby?”

“I’m the one in the red hoodie.” 

after 3 minutes of searching, 

he runs up to you and you notice him running

so you run too

and then you hug

you may have been deprived of oxygen for a while

but it’s not like you cared

after meeting, you go to the cafe near your meeting stop

where Jeno spills the coffee tea

and Renjun is embarrassed af

“y/n wasn’t suppose to know that!” 

so you end up swapping stories w Jeno 

for blackmail material

with Renjun in the middle like

help me

anygay

you hang out a lot after that

you come to their dorms

dance practices

shows

everything

when they’re jobless not preparing for anything, 

you’re at their dorm, 

watching buzzfeed unsolved together

and drawing

sleepovers 

it’s 3am and you’re talking about aliens

and Jeno comes into the room and throws pillows at you too

“I need my 23 hour beauty sleep!” 

“Try 24.” -RJ

Jeno being ready to whoop his ass

so you start whispering 

and then you end up falling asleep mid-conversation

Jeno wakes you up way before you intended to wake up

bc he petty

and then you end up making breakfast w him

which is most likely just cereal bc you’re both tired

sometimes you’re lucky and Jaemin offers to cook

“What if you get SM to get me and you a show like buzzfeed unsolved?” “Only if I’m Ryan” “bc you’re short?”

rip y/n

headlocks you

you call him short on a daily basis

and he just headlocks you

“as if the dreamies don’t tease me enough”

geurae naegen neoppuniYAAAAA!

so much choking

you’re convinced it’s his kink

but also you have to save the other dreamies from dying

bc they do not let Renjun live

but neither do you so

getting matching Moomin sweaters

speaking of Moomin, 

you end up watching Moomin every morning when you have a sleepover

both in your pajamas

eating cereal

chillin on the couch

watching Moomin 

so wholesome

the type of friend to call u at 2am 

to tell you that the moon is a solar powered nightlight

he treats you to hot pot a lot

not bc he wants to treat you

but bc he wants hot pot

and doesn’t want to eat alone

(but he lowkey wants to treat you but don’t tell him you know that, he will deny it)

ends up teaching you chinese (if you don’t already know lmao)

you end up learning quite quickly due to him being a really good teacher

so when chenle talks shit abt someone

to Renjun

in chinese

you’re like oooo tea 

cue him introducing you to his hyungs

especially the WayV hyungs (and YangYang lol)

chaotic

that’s the only way to explain it

ok so witch renjun ahead bc @hotlinehyuck​​ made me soft for renjun being fascinated by magick and yeah

he ends up taking you to these shops

which are basically small witch shops

Witchcraft 101

he makes you a small sleep bag with lavender and selenite 

bc you mentioned you couldn’t sleep well lately

he ends up making sigils for you

and putting them everywhere for you

without you knowing 

bc he doesn’t want you knowing thinking he’s soft for you

he’s the type of friend your mom ends up liking more than you

sorry not sorry

you brought him over for dinner and now he’s invited everywhere

long story short, Renjun is your conspiracy theory, moomin drawing, chaotic best friend who loves you to death (but he’s a tsundere abt it)

If I had one wish, it would be to watch Buzzfeed Unsolved w Renjun while drawing....Renjun, pls be my best friend, I’ll buy you Moomin merch 

anygay, I hope you enjoyed it and thank you so much for reading!

[cyoza]

joy

I’m slightly late with this one but I wasn’t feeling very Christmassy but I spent yday with my whole family and it got me in the mood and its still technically december

I kinda just mimicked the relationship I have with my siblings and applied it to the gang. In this everyone’s alive and not so traumatised bc let’s face it we deserve a little positivity during the holidays

from the december @dickkorysource prompt of joy

happy belated crimbo lads! I hope you all had/are having great holidays!

Update: I edited it because I completely forgot Rose omg I'm so sorry there are so many people and I am very tired and still slightly hungover from christmas please forgive me 

-

‘Wake up, lovebirds! It’s Christmas baby!’

The last thing Dick wanted to hear first thing at 7am on Christmas morning was Jason’s obnoxious voice followed by loud thumps at the door. Thankfully however, soon enough his quiet pitter patter of footsteps were disappearing down the hallway. Those early training sessions that accustomed them to early mornings felt like a mistake right then. Especially considering the dull ache that pulsated at his temples; the several ghosts of the beers he’d had the previous night haunting him severely.

He let out disdainful groan, rolling over to his side and was immediately met with Kory’s sleepy smile. The calmness that settled over him was jarring and unsettling as he gazed at her. Even so early in the morning and jostled from unconsciousness, she still affected him like no one else ever had.

‘Good morning.’ Her voice was husky and low with sleep and so, so spellbinding.

But there were a minimum of three teens waiting for them in the living room. So, instead he greeted her with a soft ‘ ‘Mornin’ ’

‘Merry Christmas.’ Her smile widened, lackadaisical and laced with drowsiness.

She looked so content and adorable that he couldn’t help himself and the next thing he knew he had his lips pressed against hers, swallowing the surprised gasp she let out. But then she melted into him, threading her fingers through his hair and sending sparks of warmth all over his skin. But Dick reminded himself that there were people waiting for them and he pulled away from her, lifting his hand to cup her cheek, wanting to keep the contact he craved.

‘Merry Christmas. Are you ready for today?’ He asked, to which Kory let out a humorous snort.

‘It’s only Christmas Day, Dick, it’s not like we’re going to war or anything.’

‘Trust me, after spending the entire day with Jason and Gar together, you’ll feel like you did.’

Kory’s laughter burst out of her in a short, loud chortle prompting a wide smile from Dick. He didn’t think there was a time that he loved her more than when she was carefree and untroubled - just allowed to be herself. He leaned forward to capture her lips yet again but this time kept it short and sweet before he shuffled to the side of the bed and got up to make his way to the shower.

He threw a glance back at Kory to find her scrutinising him with an impish glint in her eye. Again the corners of his mouth lifted as he turned to face her, leaning on the doorframe of the bathroom.

‘Why’re you looking at me like that?’ He questioned, knowing exactly why she was looking at him like that.

‘Oh, just thinking about how much water we would save if we showered together. Save the planet and all that.’ She elaborated, sitting up onto her elbows.

‘Oh right,’ He feigned shock and folded his arms. ‘Well then, I guess for the good of the planet we have to don’t we?’

Kory chuckled loudly as she flew out of bed and past him into the bathroom, getting rid of her button up pyjama top along the way.

-

Dick emerged from his room to find Christmas music blaring from the stereo in the kitchen, Dawn, Rachel and Donna singing along as they prepared what appeared to be a feast of breakfast foods - eggs, bacon, hash browns, sausages, a selection of fruits; anything that was considered acceptable for breakfast was littered across the kitchen island and dining table.

‘Wow, you guys went all out didn’t you.’ He remarked.

‘Hell yeah, it’s Christmas man. When else would we get the chance to go all out.’ The reply didn’t come from either of the women but from Jason who sat next Conner and Gar  who were playing some car game on the tv. Hank, who was also sat next to them rolled his eyes at him before continuing faffing about with something on his mobile.

‘Um excuse me, there’s no we here except for us three. You guys just played video games all morning so I don’t wanna hear about this collective ‘we’ ok?’ Rachel said drably.

‘Hey, I helped!’ Gar protested, dropping his controller to the side.

‘I don’t know if I would call chopping fruit for 10 minutes entirely the same but it’s definitely more than Jason so I’ll thank you for that.’ She retorted, flipping a pancake.

‘Listen, no one here wants me to help with any kind of cooking for all our sakes, alright?’ Jason defended himself sliding down the sofa and throwing his arms behind his head.

‘Where’s Rose?’ Dick asked, glancing around the room for the silver haired girl. 

‘She’s still asleep.’ Hank replied, rolling his eyes again. 

‘Yeah, well I still need the sleep, I’m a growing girl. Unlike you, old man.’ Rose retorted as she shuffled into the living room to flop herself onto the sofa next to Conner. As much as she protested it when Kory picked it out, she still managed to wear the Home Alone themed Christmas jumper that Kory had picked out and matching fuzzy socks; obviously not wanting to ruin things for everyone else.  

‘I’m not old! At most I’m a cool uncle you little brat.’

Dick watched as they continued bickering, a small smile danced on his lips as he felt his heart grow warm with fondness. It was rare to see them just acting like teenagers, arguing over something so trivial and stupid without being plagued with life threatening problems. His smile only broadened when a pair of arms slide across his sides and wrap around his waist, his body coming alive with the action. He spun around and was taken aback immediately, laughter threatening to bubble its way out.

Everyone was wearing some variation of Christmas jumper, by request of Kory herself, who quote unquote wanted to make the day ‘as Christmassy as possible’ but nothing could have prepared Dick for her own Christmas outfit. She wore an oversized green jumper, a shade that complimented her eyes but in the middle of the jumper was a Christmas tree flashing bright with lights and dotted with giant baubles that seemed to have every one of their faces stuck to each of the baubles, paired with a metallic gold mini skirt and stripy red and white tights.

‘Kory, what the hell are you wearing?’ He asked incredulously.

‘D’ya like it?’ She pulled it down and the baubles jingled as she did. ‘I bought it and then Gar helped me modify it.’ She looked up at him with a giant grin that was impossible not to return.

‘Babe, it looks ridiculous.’ He stated, finally letting out a small giggle.

‘I happen to think you look great, Kory.’ Donna called from her place in the kitchen.

‘Thank you, Donna. At least someone appreciates my hard work.’ She huffed, crossing her arms as best she could over the baubles.

‘Yeah, Dick why’re you hating on Kory’s awesome jumper.’ Rachel added, stirring the pot even further.

‘Hey, no ganging up on me on Christmas! I never said it looked bad, just ridiculous.’ He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him. ‘Ridiculously adorable.’ He professed before pecking her on the lips.

‘Ughhhh, gross you two. Get a room.’ Jason groaned but was immediately quieted by the orange Dick grabbed from the bowl on the side table and threw at him, inducing a laugh from everyone in the room.

‘What do you guys need help with?’ Kory questioned before detangling herself from Dick’s arm.

Donna began to give her instructions on what to do as she replaced Dawn in the kitchen who came to stand next to Dick, leaning her hip to bump into his.

‘You okay?’ She enquired. ‘I remember how tough Christmas is for you.’

‘Sure, I’m okay. How could I not be?’ He answered.

‘Good, I’m glad. I just wanted to make sure, you know?’

‘No need, I’m good. I’ve got everyone I need in this room; safe and happy. It’s impossible to be miserable.’ He declared honestly. ‘Plus Bruce is coming later after he ties up some business in Gotham, so the whole family will be here.’

He meant it slightly sarcastically but on some fundamental level he knew these people really were his family. Lost souls who floated aimlessly until they gravitated towards each other, who would then on be forever stuck in each other’s orbit. He thought it the thought would terrify him, another family he could potentially lose but no. Instead he was filled with such joy and love that he thought he would combust with it.

They were his family now, no matter what happened.

[monohart]

stardust. (idol!au)

ft. huang renjun, failure and a secret relationship.

i’m back after a long break, haha. this was an old writing that had been sitting up in my drafts for a while... happy 2019! please spend this year showing more love to renjun. :)

thank you, and enjoy!

when you were cut from the line up for sm’s new group renjun was 100 times more devastated then u were

u were like hey rj cmon don’t worry i’ll be fine??? i’m sure i can audition for another company or smth?? or wait for the next unit debut??

u even jokingly said maybe u could debut in an nct unit but he couldn’t bring himself to smile

and your chest :(( hurt :(( from seeing him so hurt ;;;

ofc for as long as you remember y’all had been talking about both debuting under sm at the same time so y’all could be chasing your dreams and not be too far away from each other

but that plan failed when renjun debuted first with nct dream and had his schedule Packed w nct promotions and concerts and stuff

he and the other nct guys would sometimes let u sit behind the camera in vlives

this one time omg

(( ok so refer to this for a visual :) ))

u sat behind the camera in the chenle jaemin renjun react to baby don’t stop vlive

even though u were hella scared to be kicked out chenle was like HEY DW I’LL FIGHT ANYONE WHO THINKS YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE THERE OKAY

so u snuck out of your practice session slightly earlier to watch them

renjun was so excited u were there but obvs he had to keep it together for the live

then!! lolololol rip your manager found out u snuck out of practice and found u in the room and pulled u out of the room

(u kno that moment when they all looked behind the camera and then turned down the music.. yeah issa bc ur crazy manager almoST ruined the mood)

manager scolded u outside the room for a good few minutes and then told u to get yourself together

and u stood outside the room for a bit longer after manager left

and u were literally about to leave but then guess who u ran into!!!

chittaphon knew about u and rj since the day he met u and him both

it was kinda funny really bc u and rj stood rly awkwardly next to each other at this company event a few years ago and y’all were standing around the other dreamies and some other trainees and suddenly renjun’s hand brushed the side of your leg and u glance at him and he smiles at u and u look away smiling

AND chittaphon, who happens to be taking a nice long sip of his soda SEES THIS and spits his soda out

accidentally sprays soda onto jeffery’s back

but yeah thats another story

anyway!!!!

ten sees u sulking outside the door and peers in and sees renjun and hears bds

u know that smile smirk ten does when he knows whats Up™.

yeah he does that and be like

“eyy why don’t u go in???”

then u give him a breakdown of what happened with skipping practice and being caught by the manager

and hes like :o

but chittaphon is chittaphon so he grabs you by the wrist and pulls you back into the practice room and hides you in a corner just out of view

and then he sneaks onto them!!

then jaemin... quick-eyed, lovely doe-eyed jaemin... sees u hiding and nudges renjun ever so slightly

he sees u and before he gets flustered ten’s all over him asking how the mv was and flustered rj tries to keep his cool while showering chittaphon w compliments

and u know how ten looks at him like That :^)

and jaemin keeps peeking over their shoulders

yeah :))

OK I SPENT TOO LONG DESCRIBING THIS

but anyway, on that night u were cut from the line up

after the news got to him he sits down and was just like

:(

because he knew how much debuting meant to u and

and... YOUR DREAMS TO BE TOGETHER :(( debuting together and always being close to each other

and u mentioned before that if u dont debut in the next five years u prolly would quit the entertainment industry

maybe go back to school and study some or idk work in a less chaotic industry

in that moment he remembered what u said and was a little heartbroken too

he tried to find you in your usual practice room but u weren’t there and he shouldn’t be loitering around so he gave up and let you have some space

bet u he sulked all the way home

you had travelled back to your dorm because u needed some time alone oof

it took u a good few hours to deal with the news and when u were ready to talk about it again, it was like 3am but u still gave his mobile a call

he picked up on the second ring and said to meet him outside your dorm in a few mins and y’all can go take a walk or smth for some fresh air

so u guys go to the park for a nice quiet walk in the dead of night hhh

u had so many things to say but mostly u were worried with your relationship w him and how y’all were supposed to balance that out given his priorities with nct and you as... just a trainee...

u didnt have to explain anything or other bc he suddenly goes

“what if we went public with our relationship?”

u look up at his face that was hidden behind a mask and his glasses

u deadass thought he was kidding but his that look in his eyes were like hella serious

“just think about it for a second. maybe we don’t have to bring it to the fans, but at least let the company know”

and u were like no way they’ll just do anything to keep yall apart

he didnt answer after that and not too long later yall started heading back to your dorm

it was almost 5am and the streets were still dark and renjun had an arm around your waist and you leant against him and yall walked slowly bc honestly u guys haven’t slept a wink and its been a Really Long day

your dorm was a street away from his

actually he stops about a street or two away from your dorm bc another idol group also lived in the same building as u and there were always sasaengs and people w cameras outside your dorm

u were a trainee so it didnt bother u but renjun was renjun :,)

plus he actually wanted sum privacy so he could kiss u.. so...

hsaksdnd

there was a narrow alley just around the back of the apartment block next to yours

u would never go there alone kasdnj it was scary at any time of the day

tbh

u wouldn’t go even if someone was there with u

maybe it was the heat of the moment or u were just so down that day

it didn’t rly bother u when renjun gently backed u up against the wall and hugged u n took off his mask n buried his face in the crook of ur neck

and that immediately put a smile on your face ur like baby wyd its 5am

hes looks at u like :(( and says “i miss u” in a quiet quiet voice & in his mother tongue

u knew what it meant and hearing him say it in chinese made you uwu to mars

then he showers u with like tiny tiny butterfly kisses and he wraps his arms around u to make u feel safe and warm

which u do!!

he holds u up too when ur knees buckle a bit but then just continues kissing u hehehe

its all sweet and innocent but his kisses last just a tiny bit longer each time, as if hes scared that you’d run away

after he finishes kissing u he meets your eyes and u literally watch his orbs go all soft and he hides his face in your neck again while u mutter about how much of a big baby he is

the goodnight was!!!

the hardest thing y’all had to do omg

he literally didnt want to let u go

and when he did and when u started walking toward ur building u kept looking back, wanting him to head off but he didnt and stood there waiting for u to go in

and u didnt want to go in without knowing he was on his way home and was safe on the walk back wdf it was almost 6am

then when u were almost at the door u saw he hadn’t moved an inch

so u run back to him

he was still standing at the spot where y’all parted - which was a few streets down and out of sight

he scolds u for running back out but he smiles when doing so and u snap his mask back onto his face and kisses him over the mask like 200 times and u couldnt see but hes like dying from the giggles

anyway eventually y’all go home :,) it just took forever :,)

the next day u head to the building in the afternoon to catch up on some sleep

u were a bit guilty to find out renjun went back to work at 7am which meant he practically didnt get any sleep

y’all brush shoulders in the cafeteria but he was walking w hyuck and his manager so u couldn’t stop and chat

tho u couldn’t help but notice his manager steal a glance at u when u walked by and he had this really weird smile on his lips

made u go like huh.,, maybe he recognises me from the many Brief encounters yall had before

anyway u were doing some vocal and keyboard practice later in the afternoon when the door to the private training suite opened and two loud boys stumbled in

made u rly surprised bc u never expected it to be them??

it was taeyong and winwin??

they were both looking at u like :))) as if they did something great :))

taeyong introduces himself formally but you’re like ,, um u know we’ve met before at this function and hes like OH,,, sorry

anyway they were there to tell u how renjun couldn’t shut up about u since he went back to the dorm last night and now all of nct knows about everything to know about u and him (if they hadn’t already)

you’re just like .,, oof what embarrassing stuff did he say

they’re like NO ALL NICE STUFF,, a bit cringey at times

but !! nct wanted to help u

so earlier today

johnny and jaehyun spoke to their managers and night night producers and asked if they could hire a third radio dj - yknow someone who also speaks english and is really nice and entertaining and funny and cool like u are!!

that idea is now In The Talks

winwin brought up a variety thing china line and their managers had been thinking about for a while and also asked if they could consider u

nct managers be like ok so who actually is this trainee and why are all 18 boys obsessively asking to include her in nct activities

later that day when u see renjun again he was just heading off but he came around your practice room to see u before he left

thankfully u were the only one left at practice as the others were away busy preparing for their debut or smth :,)

u didnt hear him come in bc u were sitting in the middle of the room on the floor scrolling replying to week old texts oop hehe

renjun sneaks up behind u and hugs u from behind and kisses your cheek

he got a bit scared when u didn’t respond as explosively as he thought... for a second he thought he got the wrong person poor bean he was so nervous hhh

you chuck your phone aside and tackle him and he falls onto his back and yall kinda lay there on the ground for a bit

and you told him about taeyong and winwin visiting u and he just smiles

“you inspire me.”

“me? inspire you? you’re huang freakin’ renjun, and i, of all people, inspire you?”

“yeah”

“don’t understand u sometimes”

he turns his head to look at u and u turn to look at him and he kinda just admires you for a while then reach over and touches your cheek

it wasnt even a sweet caress or anything he literally just

touched

your cheek

“renjun what the heck”

then he laughs and u laugh and u snuggle against him and for the first time that week both of u feel completely at ease bc even though the dream u guys shared at the beginning was completely shattered,

y’all would still find a way around it

and knowing so many people around u still supported u guys meant so much

especially to renjun bc u were his everything and he’d do anything for u

and i mean it!!!

[ohmisskate]

Personal Rant

Omg its been a fucking week. Wednesday my roommate's dogs got into a fight again twice in a matter of 2 hours. (The same dog that attacked my dog a month ago. She is a sweet dog but really needs a single dog home.) So the second fight was bad and while trying to break them up she got bit in the hand. So we spent the entire night in between the dog ER and the human ER. She ended up rehoming the dog with her ex boyfriend not a happy time. Super emotional and understandably so. Then my parents flew in Thursday to visit it's been a non stop shit show. The roommate goes to the hand surgeon Tuesday to see what's up in the mean time it's my sister and I working 7am to 4pm in the coffee truck and today I broke. I was legit sobbing in the back of the truck just completely exhausted. And then an hour ago my roommate had a seizure 😫 uhg one more day one more day to get threw.

It's really fun being your own boss but its also hard work. And I can't be too sad because business is good...like really good. All I know is I'm sad I haven't had time to read updates and comment like I usually do. I miss sleep. I'm glad tomorrow is going to be rainny and we will close early and have a day off on Monday to spend with my parents and relax. Ok end of my venting I'm just tired I guess I should try and catch some sleep before 5am rolls around 🙄

[reidsconverse]

i fell over in the doctor's office today and they were all looking at me (i'm that person w the mobility disability) and i came home and cried in the shower lmao and then i got new glasses so it was kind of a meh day hbu?

omg im so sorry! i hope youre ok and that it didnt hurt!! honestly people need to mind their own business, idk if its just me but if i cant help them i just look away because it seem rude to stare and make someone more uncomfortable!! and omg cute!!! what kind of glasses??? this reminded me I should probably wear mine haha 💛 my day was ok i stayed up all night ln to do my exam and then slept all day and now its 7am and i cant sleep 😭

[alukaforyou]

U WILL NOT BELIEVE--

OK SO GET THIS

theres this one fic i found a while ago, beautifully written, 30+ chs of angsty goodness, SLOW BURN they dont even kiss until ch 19 (so there is a plot!!) man, BIG LOV for that fic but uhh i havent looked at it in like a few years, and i randomly had the urge to see it again yesterday at like 3/4am BUT guess what it was deleted i was so sad i thought i would never see it again BUT NOO i actually found some guy on reddit who ran a code for 18 MONTHS basically archiving the entirety of ff dot net (i was so shook this man living in 3027, doing GODS WORK) so i spent like 3 hrs downloading a 6.5gb zip file of ALL THE NARUTO FICS ON FF DOT NET AT THE POINT OF THE ARCHIVING i dont actually kno if this is slow or not my internet / computer is like uhhhh so well, it took 3 hrs

so its 7am im here unzipping this mf file and i have to stop like every 2% it uncompresses so i can look through the list looking for THE ONE™ and deleting everything else cuz i didnt want to fucc up my computer / use mad storage keeping like 354064106847086460510 naruto fics??? so it takes a few minutes every time i move like 10,000 .txt files to the recycling and another few mins to empty the trash can, dan is my computer slow, i did some MAJOR reading while waiting, i got like 126 pages further into 1q84 (good book but super weird uh) 

but anywhooo its like 8am i got no sleep, the zip file is ~20% unzipped yet i dont see it and im high key paranoid cuz WAT IF ITS NOT HERE anxiété killing me as i uncompress, pause, scan list, trash, empty trash, repeat, my grandma wakes up and is like bihh wtf u still up im like ya, its around 8 30 i make heart shaped onigiri while i wait trying to chill tf out, also did i mention i had cake also because STRESS

the file is 25% unzipped yet no sign of the fic im looking for im getting hella nervous, unzipping another 5%, scanning the list, and BAM I SEE IT OMG GOD IS REAL ITS THERE I ONLY HAD TO UNZIP 30% ITS HERE AAAAA

its 9am my heart is at peace i can read about my otp once again im so shook i cant believe that worked out for me wtf wtf moral of the story? never give up that is my ninja way dont let ur dreams be dreams OR dont be a dumb bihh (i never learn sigh kms) and BACK UP FICS BEFOREHAND WHILE THEYRE THERE FOR GODS SAKE

i’d like to thank not only god but also jesus also MAJOR shout out to nerdguy1138 on reddit he really saving lives out here

btw if anybody needs the ff archive here is the thread

[little-misters]

Get to know me tag!

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

Thanks @henmi for tagging me!! ^^

THE LAST:
1. Drink: coffee
2. Phone call: my dad 
3. Text message: friends 
4. Song you listened to: it’s not right for you - the script 
5. Time you cried: hmmm when I watched Wonder Woman daaaamn I’m weak.

HAVE YOU:
6. Dated someone twice: nope
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: no
8. Been cheated on: no 
9. Lost someone special: yes 
10. Been depressed: no
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: almost. Which makes it worse because it was so uncomfortable

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
12-14: red, black, green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: yes 
16. Fallen out of love: yes
17. Laughed until you cried: yes 
18. Found out someone was talking about you: not directly but I know 
19. Met someone who changed you: yes. In a good way I guess 
20. Found out who your friends are: yes 
21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no

GENERAL:
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I have too many fb friends and too little ones in real life oops
23. Do you have any pets: no (I really want a dog though) 
24. Do you want to change your name: no I love my name 
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I had Korean food with a bunch of friends and my flat mate it was amazeballs 
26. What time did you wake up: 7am omg I died 
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping because jet lagged 
28. Name something you can’t wait for: the Book of Mormon musical omg it sounds amazing 
29. When was the last time you saw your mom: I’m with her now 
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my weight (I know it sounds superficial but I am really insecure about it and i hate myself for thinking this way as well) 
31. What are you listening right now: nothing 
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: surprisingly no 
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: people who are constantly complaining around me omg they need to go 
34. Most visited Website: twitter

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME
35. Mole/s: one near my eye 
36. Mark/s: I have a birthmark on my right leg 
37. Childhood dream: I rmb wanting to be a doctor at age 7 because I watched some drama and doctors were cool af 
38. Haircolor: light brown 
39. Long or short hair: long
40. Do you have a crush on someone: currently no 
41. What do you like about yourself: I get along easily with most people I meet 42. Piercings: 2 on both ears 
43. Bloodtype: AB+
44. Nickname: bean/beanie/Chick
45. Relationship status: single (lol my non existent dating life cries) 
46. Zodiac: Taurus 
47. Pronouns: she/her
48. Favorite TV Show: I have a lot but currently I’m addicted to Lucifer. Other favs include grey’s anatomy, Brooklyn 99, Friends, the crown. 
49. Tattoos: nope 
50. Right or left hand: lefty 
51. Surgery: does removing wisdom tooth count? 
52. Hair dyed in different color: yes. All the times different shades of brown and my natural hair colour is brown lol I’m boring 
53. Sport: played basketball for nearly a decade. Do a little of other sports and there’s really a lot to name. Love playing sports. 
55. Vacation: I’m currently on vacation in Europe but my fav country so far is still Taiwan 
56. Pair of trainers: I own so many pairs I can’t count omg

MORE GENERAL:
57. Eating: I’m not picky but I love pasta, anything cheesy or spicy or if it’s just not tofu. 
58. Drinking: wine, baileys, Irish cream yum 
59. I’m about to: sleep 
61. Waiting for: KNK TO COME TO MY COUNTRY AND FOR THEM TO WIN THEIR FIRST WIN BCUZ THEY DESERVE IT 
62. Want: too many things to list 
63. Get married: that would be lovely if I can get myself a bf first pls 
64. Career: haven’t reach that stage of thinking about a career I just want to get my degree

WHICH IS BETTER
65. Hugs or kisses: hugs 
66. Lips or eyes: eyes 
67. Shorter or taller: taller 
68. Older or younger: I want to be younger and I want an older guy hmmmm 
70. Nice arms or nice stomach: nice stomach so I can wear a bikini and be happy with myself 
71. Sensitive or loud: It is very tiring to walk on thin ice around sensitive ppl so loud I guess 
72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 
73. Troublemaker or hesitant: if I have to choose, troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER:
74. Kissed a stranger: no 
75. Drank hard liquor: yes 
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no 
77. Turned someone down: yes 
78. Sex in the first date: no 79. Broken someone’s heart: yes and I feel soooooo bad 
80. Had your heart broken: yes 
81. Been arrested: no 
82. Cried when someone died: yes 
83. Fallen for a friend: sadly yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
84. Yourself: oh no 
85. Miracles: yes 
86. Love at first sight: no 
87. Santa Claus: no
88. Kiss in the first date: yes 89. Angels: eh nope

OTHER:
90. Current best friends name: Xinyi x2, Yong ting 
91. Eyecolor: brown 
92. Favorite movie: currently its Wonder Woman

I’m really tired rn my eyes are closing so I won’t be tagging ppl!! Tag yourself if you wanna go ahead and do it. This has been fun wheeee (clearly not in the right state of mind ok bye)

[frenchibi]

Tagged~

Ok, hold on to your hats people because this is going to be a long-ass post. I have been told my cuts don’t work on mobile (?? TUMBLR PLS) so if this doesn’t work I sincerely apologize in advance for a lot of scrolling :’) Alright so I was tagged... like 6 times I think? And I’m just going to answer them all in here xD

Also I’m gonna tag a bunch of people and you can just... decide which ones you want to do, do several, do all of them, do none at all - whatever you prefer xD @cheatos @chxngsey @fairylights101writes @cheetahleopard @snowflakers @notinvidia @anyadisee @tallihoo @lalikaa @seijouho @astersandstuffs @phea-chan @owlkaashi-keiji @heirxx @thehibiscusthief @screamingnitrogenchallenge @fandang1

...alright, let the oversharing begin :’)

1. Tagged by @grand-king-toru (thank you, and you’re tagged in all the other ones too, obviously!!) and @queeniwaizumi (your tag was a little different but basically all your questions were in this one too so I didn’t do it separately FORGIVE ME TAT - and ofc you’re tagged too!!)

Favourite place: My apartment, or on top of a mountain, or in my car, or at my mom’s house, or in a Café in the center of my city where I can sketch people Relationship status: Single Favourite colour: Phtalo blue and magenta Pets: I have allergies :’) Last song I listened to: We Know The Way from Moana Favourite tv show: If we’re talking anime, it’s Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (by a MILE). As for non-anime shows, I’m currently enjoying A Series of Unfortunate Events very much (those books were my childhood & I’m so pumped for this series you have no idea) First Fandom: Harry Potter probably, first anime fandom was Inuyasha Hobbies: writing, drawing, singing, skiing, driving my siblings places (being the oldest is GreatTM), currently trying to learn to play the guitar Books I’m currently reading: Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn (and 50 others I started in Better Days™ when I had more time for reading) Favourite book: Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, The Chaos Walking trilogy by Patrick Ness, Harry Potter by JKR, Howl’s Moving Castle by Dianne Wynne Jones, Die Stadt der Träumenden Bücher by Walter Moers Worst thing you’ve ever eaten/tasted: Milk that had gone off. It’s gross. Living alone is hard, please don’t make the mistakes I did.

2. Tagged by @seidou-chan (thank you, you’re also obviously tagged in all the others as well~)

Name: call me French :D Nickname: French, Frenchie Gender: female Sign: Pisces Height: 155cm Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Hogwarts house: Gryffindor/Ravenclaw Favourite colour: (see above) xD Favourite animal: Dolphins, Turtles, Owls Time right now: 1:15pm Average hours of sleep: Ideally 8, currently 3, I probably need to see a doctor about this Cat or dog person: Allergies :’) (tbh I love both ok) Favourite fictional character from Harry Potter: Ginny Weasley (, Sirius Black, Molly Weasley, Hermione Granger, Bellatrix Lestrange) Number of blankets you sleep with: One Favourite singer or band: currently Of Monsters and Men Dream trip: Cities! I love sightseeing :D Also Skiing, always skiing. Dream job: Musical singer/actress When was this blog created: 20..13? Started out as a Supernatural blog xD When did your blog reach its peak: Still climbing hopefully What made you decide to make a tumblr: blame @notinvidia

3. Tagged by @marleeb (ty friend, we haven’t talked much yet so sorry for the spam of information here xD Feel free to do whichever of these tags interests you :D)

5 things you’ll find in my bag: Notebooks (at least 3) Assorted pens Allergy medication My wallet Haikyuu keychains :D

(see also this post)

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom: An enormous bookshelf (ca 1,5k books, 850 mangas) Assorted recording devices & equipment A large easel and all sorts of art supplies (acrylics, aquarelles, watercolors, pastels, colored pencils, crayons, markers, modeling paste, ink, soapstone) The door to my kitchen xD My workspace w/ computers and legal dictionaries ^^

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in life: Publish a novel Raise children Own a house with a private library and a large conservatory full of plants Perform on a large stage (did that, was amazing, love to do it again) Become a translator (lol I had no idea what i was signing up for)

5 things that make me happy: Singing (is the ultimate joy of my life) and performing w/ my choir Getting feedback for my writing (makes me ecstatic ngl) and exchanging ideas with people My brilliant, lovely, multi-facetted family My warm, patient and understanding friends Being able to create, and share my ideas to people who care about them :D 5 things I’m currently into: Moana (it has consumed my life and my life is infinitely better for it) Haikyuu (and the wonderful people I’ve met through it) My original stories (which I cannot wait to work on more) A Series of Unfortunate Events (the netflix series is so great and it really lives up to the books in my opinion??) Wasting time on tumblr and ignoring the BA-thesis that I need to be writing (and my work because why be responsible)

5 things on my to-do list: *cringes* my thesis My invoices & VAT returns Get someone to help me change a lightbulb (this is not a joke, I’m short) Finish writing two letters to friends that I’m working on :D (though this one I’m looking forward to) Finish writing the 60+ fics I’ve started and work on my original projects too :’)

(what a boring to-do list is2g)

5 things people may not know about me: I OVERSHARE ALL THE TIME (you knew that) I’m a legal translator (German/English) and I work freelance I am allergic to EVERYTHING I…really love…girls… I speak 4 languages (and a fifth one barely) :D

4. Tagged by @ghost--fox (this was a while back and I’m sorry for being so slow ;-; THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME!!! I did your other tag too, below this one :D - obviously you’re tagged in any of the above if you feel like it xD)

Rules: Put your music on “Shuffle” List the first 10 songs Tag 10 people

1. Avicii – Hey Brother 2. Nothing’s Carved In Stone – Spirit Inspiration (Zetsuen no Tempest Opening) 3. Suzanne Vega – The Queen and the Soldier (I’m gonna base an AU on this just you wait) 4. The Cab - Endlessly 5. Blue Stahli – Anti You 6. Ramin Karimloo – Show Me Light (Have I yelled about how much I love him? I love him!!) 7. All Time Low – Cinderblock Garden 8. Genesis – Follow You Follow Me (I have no regrets, love me some 80s Phil Collins) 9. Ayumi Hamazaki – Dearest (Inuyasha Ending) 10. Nightmare – Sekai Wo (Death Note Opening)

5. Tagged again by @ghost--fox :D THANK YOU!!

A - Age: 21 soon xD B - Biggest fear: not making a difference C - Current time: 2:08pm (this took long omg) D - Drink you last had: I actually bought a fresh coconut and drank it :0 (my allergies are like “uhm girl that was a bad choice” but tbh it was worth it) E - Every day starts with: Removing my retainer and taking my allergy meds F - Favorite song: Empire by Of Monsters and Men and Invincible by Hedley G - Ghosts, are they real: Idk fam H - Hometown: Munich I - In love with: being inspired & motivated?? it’s the BEST?? J - Jealous of: healthy people K - Killed someone: couldn’t even if I wanted to L - Last time you cried: Out of frustration in December M - Middle name: Johanna (after my grandmother) N - Number of siblings: 4 (3 + an older step-sister I see twice a year) O - One wish: Stop using religion as an excuse for hate crimes P - Person you last called/texted: My dad/my friend Nina respectively Q - Questions you’re always asked: Can you chill? / Can you drive me to [place]? / How’s it going with your thesis? - pls But also: Are you doing okay? / Do you need me to listen? / Sing with me? – YES THANK YOU R - Reasons to smile: Fanfiction and fanart exists. Hot chocolate, tea and fluffy blankets. Music, Art, Books, Stories. Stars & the sky. Brilliant people are making brilliant things every day. A small act of kindness from you to a stranger can make all the difference. S - Song last sang: The Lasset uns nicht zerteilen chorus from Bach’s Johannespassion in my singing lesson (in preparation for our next choir concert), and then assorted Hamilton songs on my drive home xD T - Time you woke up: 7am U - Underwear color: dark blue V- Vacation destination: Cities w/ lots of art & culture :D W - Worst habit: biting my fingernails & cuticles I HATE MYSELF X - X-rays you’ve had: lots for my teeth (wrecked a tooth and used to have braces also), one for my knee after a hiking accident Y - Your favorite food: lasagna (w/ meat or spinach honestly I like both a lot) Z - Zodiac sign: Pisces

...and lastly, 6. Tagged by  @missellaineous (this is also super old I apologize but I liked your questions so :D - feel free to do any of the other tags if you want xD)

1. What can’t you sleep without? My phone. Literally I use it as an alarm clock xD 2. What are your favorite kind of socks? :0 I like big fluffy warm ones – and also I like skiing socks because they fit really tightly and they’re also super warm xD 3. What’s your favorite snack/meal/drink? Atm I am very weak for cookies (I have… phases. At one point I ate so many gummy bears that now I just cannot), my favorite food is lasagna and my favorite drink is water or tea (no milk, no sugar, I dislike sweet drinks except if it’s hot chocolate xD) 4. What’s your favorite kind of weather? …do you know the artist Yuumei? A lot of her pictures have spectacular skies that are like… the sun breaking through dark clouds after a storm? That. That’s my favorite weather. It’s so… motivational and  hopeful? Idk, but I love it. 5. What do you like to listen to/do to relax and feel better when you’re upset? I love the songs from musicals because they’re great to sing along to and singing always improves my mood :D I have endless love for Les Mis, Phantom of the Opera and Hamilton atm. Also what always helps me is, in my mom’s words, to “talk to someone who doesn’t hate you”. Because I tend to hate on myself a lot when I’m upset (for not being better, happier, healthier, enough) and it helps to talk to my friends, who objectively don’t think I’m as awful as I tend to think I am ^^ And they’re all really kind and understanding (and/or blunt when I need someone to tell me to snap out of it). 6. What’s your favorite store to shop at? HOO BOY ok I love bookstores (because duh, books) and lately I’ve also been loving Muji a lot? xD Also we have an art supply chain here in Germany that has GREAT STUFF and I always go overboard xD 7. What color do you wear the most? Black probably, but that’s because most of my pants/leggings are black. Other than that I own a lot of blue and also a lot of red, esp. dresses :D 8. What’s your favorite (video/board/social/party) game to play? That’s hard?? I don’t play a lot of video games but I absolutely adored Undertale. Funnily enough we play card & board games a lot when we meet with my old friends from school, but tbh I don’t have a favorite. I recently learned how to play Skat, which is really enjoyable? (Google tells me apparently that’s mainly a German thing, ok.) And, eh, I’m not a big fan of parties & party games ^^ 9. Any guilty pleasures? When I have time, I watch objectively bad or cliché anime and write commentary xD Also I spend way too much time playing The Sims if I’m totally honest... and scrolling through my dash. Damn. 10. If you could go anywhere (in real life or in fiction), where would it be? Or fiction??? HOGWARTS?!?! Teach me all the magic pls?! …ok but for real though I would love to visit some of my online friends :’)

Alright that’s it, thank you all again and sorry I’m slow and this is a huge post full of way too much information, I’m gonna let myself out now

[alxxkim]

December 2

I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together.  It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again.  I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise.  I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am.  I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay.  The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him.  I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it.  I wish I realized how unhappy John was.  But there’s nothing I could’ve done.  And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better.  Maybe I need to take the next semester off.  Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am.  But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed.  He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA  And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to  smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that. 

i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see.  I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to.  Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba 

i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work

i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think.  fucking kill me. i just want to have free time

[theweetravellingfamily]

Day 19

I set the alarm for 5.30 as we need to get our pre-paid minibus to the airport at 7. I wake up bleary eyed and look at my phone. 6 missed calls, what the hell? See a message that our cab is here… at 5.35am. FUCK. I ring the number and start explaining that our flight isn’t until 9.25am and we only need to be picked up at 7am. The conversion went something like this me: “NOOOOO, OUR FLIGHT ISNT UNTIL 9.25… NO 9.25… WE DON’T NEED YOU YET”. “yes, I here, you come”. This went around and around for about 5 minutes before Jords goes out to the street to see the guy. Ever the problem solver. He agrees to wait till 6.30 so I politely tell everyone to hurry the fuck up. I didn’t actually read the email… so this is all my fault. Sorry guys. We get into the cab, all a little worse for wear and keen for coffee. Get to airport and inevitably it starts. Everyone is grumpy, intolerant and everyone is fantastic at sarcasm and back handed comments. We all split up to get coffee, nicotine hits and my last hit of Pain au chocolat (chocolate croissants). The check in was quite easy and everyone is very happy with the fact that we have kids so we get priority boarding. You should see the look on the airline workers faces when they call up parents with kids and our whole entourage head up.. We are half the plane.

The flight is nearly empty as is our tolerance so we are all happy to move and have seats to ourselves. We land in sunny Malaga and thank the heavens for the 5 days of relaxing that lay ahead of us. Between the boys toilet issues (meaning we always have to find toilets and run off in every direction) the 4 year old hating life (I do feel sorry for her – next time we will go somewhere with other kids or make sure there is a kids club of some sort) and the ticking time bomb baby, airports have become our nemesis. We did however conquer this one with style and head straight out to our waiting cab driver. Another shocked cab driver. Poor bastards, they earn their money with us.

Get to our apartment – RIGHT ON THE BEACH and can’t check in for an hour. No worries – there is a little pub/tapas bar 2 doors down, hooray! Once we can check in I take the kids and Sarra to the apartment for a nap. Boys come back an hour and half later half cut and loud. We are enjoying ourselves and we have NO PLANS… hooray! We head to the beach for a swim and relax. It is frigging hot, like 36, I forgot what heat was like and my little girls are red faced and sweaty. They love a dip in the ocean. Head to bed.. Baby sleeps till 12pm for her first sleep. OMG.. hooray. I should have known. You know those mums who are cool calm and collected when their kids are sick?? The ones who just spring to and get shit done, cleaning up vomit and making everything better? This is not me. The baby woke up and wouldn't be put down. Laying on me she kept shuddering and moving. Then vomited all over me and our bed. Then her temperature spikes and I go into overdrive of food poisoning, swallowing sea water, measles.... fuck. Husband has no tolerance for my craziness and tells me to try and get some Panadol into her and I break down crying while I google what the emergency number is in Spain. Seriously. I'm ok when they have a cold but when they are vomiting I am a mess. I take her back to bed after she dry reaches in the kitchen sink and I get some panadol and hydralyte into her. She perks up and starts trying to lay on dad and point at him (her new thing is pointing and saying 'there'. He's not having it- he has been up sick himself. Poor daddy. Finally get her back to sleep and I can relax. She seemed fine all day the next day but not keen on naps and took me forever to get her bed the next night. Is it a virus? Is she teething? Is her ear playing up again? Who knows? Think I might have a beer (only one of course- breast feeding drinking at its best).

[survivormyanmar-blog]

Ep. #12 - “Get Over Yourselves and Play The Damn Game” - Ashley

Immunity was posted and it was Back and Forth which involves cutting your fellow tribe mates in order to advance.  Sam and Ting Ting were both targeted early in the challenge and Ashley went on to win Immunity.  After Immunity, Ashley approached her alliance of Amanda and Tommy to vote off Sam with the help of Leah.  Little did she know that Tommy was not actually with them and was working both sides and went to Ting Ting and Sam to vote off Leah.  The three of them were able to convince Linus to work with them to get majority and took out Leah in a 4-3 vote as they thought Leah, Amanda, and Ashley were a tight threesome.  With that, Linus was the only fan remaining.

do these people know nothing about subtlety? at least I won't go on that immunity run like jay said.

So Jay is finally freaking gone. About time. I even got Linus in on the vote somehow. So that is pretty sweet. I am going to try and look into that relationship more because I definitely think something is there. I still have my idol. I was really contemplating using it but at the last second I decided to have some hope for once in my goddamn life. And look where we ended up! I am still alive!

Well I won immunity! This is a really nice feeling. I am guaranteed a spot in the f6. AND I STILL HAVE AN IDOL. I am screaming rn. Like on cloud nine. This shit is great. Hopefully next tribal isn't as freaking frustrating, which of course it shouldn't be; Jay is gone ;) Maybe targeting Sam? Maybe even Ting Ting. Cuz after looking at her moves with our last challenge, she definitely targeted Amanda and I, even before we were ahead of the rest of them, sooo I don't exactly know her business but I sure as hell am gunna get all up in it.  

YAY IT WORKED! JAY IS OUT! So now I just really have to rely on Ting Ting and Sam voting with me from here on out. I also have a pretty unique relationship with Linus and an alliance chat with Amanda/Ashley from the Christian vote. So this round I would ideally want out Leah because she's kind of a goat and if she doesn't go soon everyone will want to go to the end with her. Also out of everyone left in the game I feel she is the least likely to talk game with me.  Lastly, long term people will want to go to the end with Leah and nobody will be willing to take her out in a few tribals from now so they'll continuously not target her and that can be fatal to my game. Also Amanda is a much bigger target to keep in the game and keeping Amanda in will keep Linus more likely to vote with Ting Ting, Sam, and I which will work to our benefit.   My plan for this vote is to talk with Ting Ting and Sam and keep us all together but by doing that we have to keep the secret bond between Sam/I's bond to Ting Ting a secret from everyone else so none of us go and have a majority on the numbers come Final 5. So Ting Ting and I put in a plan that we can get Linus to vote with us by me approaching Linus and myself saying we need to break up the fearsome3some of Ashley/Amanda/Leah. I think this plan has a good chance of working out tbh. Leah going this tribal would be fantastic. If this plan works out Final 6 is Ashley/Amanda/Ting Ting/Sam/Linus/Myself. I would ideally want Ashley out next because she has won 3 individual immunities, has better ties with people than Amanda (especially Linus which is the most concerning), and her smart strategic plays, and social bonds. If we are able to pull of a blindside on her next it'd be great. We'd need myself, Ting Ting, Linus, or Sam to win immunity though. If that plan works out Final 5 is Amanda/Ting Ting/Sam/Linus/Myself would be left and ideally we want Linus to still be against Amanda. We'd need myself, Sam, or Ting Ting to win immunity. Then I think this would be the perfect time to get Amanda to vote for Linus and Linus to vote for Amanda, and cause a 3-2 vote with Linus getting the majority of the votes because he's less of a jury threat than Amanda and way better at comps and I think he can totally rock that Final Immunity if he can get there, if it's a Final 3. If that plan works out the ideal Final 4 is Amanda/Ting Ting/Sam/Myself. This way if we look at the jury Amanda has Steffen, Christian, Leah, Ashley, and possibly Jay which I think Ting Ting and Sam will be able to see by that point and consider Amanda a major jury threat and would win in any Final 3 scenario with us 3 remaining which would give us the reason to give her the boot. We'd just need for Sam, Ting Ting, or Myself to win immunity and cause a 3-1 vote with Amanda leaving which I think is possible. Final 3 I'd ideally want to be sitting next to Sam and Ting Ting whether that it's Final Tribal or the last tribal before a Final 2 because I feel I've made good connections with both of them and been so close to both through out the entire game. If it's a Final Tribal I feel I have an okay shot at winning next to them. Honestly, just getting to the end will make me relieved. For now I just need to continue on my bonds and plans and make sure people don't go after me, turn up the comp skill, and make my way to the end.  

Okay so I am immune and we have tribal in 4 hours AND NO ONE HAS SAID A THING. At the point I am just throwing out Sam's name cuz I think it is about time for him to go. I know I probably couldn't beat him in the end and therefore I kinda want him gone. I am taking a leadership role in this vote and I think I will hate myself in the future for it but shit needs to get done. It is like no one has the balls to say anything so they don't hurt anyone's feelings. Like come on. Suck my dick, get over yourselves and play the damn game. Also omg I think I am starting to like Leah because she is fucking insane like me and we are essentially the same human.

Trevor: *Sends confessionals link to tribe chat* Haven't gotten any!!! Me: Bish I literally just sent one.

*lowkey don't care about this tribal cause I know the 7th place chat is lit and I would be content going there lmfao*

Ashley and Tommy like to laugh at me for sleeping too much when they wanna strategize. ITS NOT MY FAULT THEY WAKE UP AT LIKE 7AM I'm basically nocturnal I cant help it. At this point they should call me Sleeping Beauty and call it a day

Okay y'all this Sam vote has been too easy, I am feeling a little sketched but I am immune soooooo. I just don't want someone close to me to leave. I don't quite trust Ting Ting 100% because she targeted Amanda and I in the last challenge, and then Amanda mostly. So I am a little confused as to why. Linus might be close to Sam so we might have just risked Sam finding out. From what people are saying, it seems like the vote would be a 6-1. But is Fucking Sam plays an idol whoever he chooses will be screwed. So I am thinking someone might have to throw out a vote on someone like Ting Ting or Leah just to be safe. But I just have to find someone willing.

okay so ting ting told me that ashley is pushing for my name which doesn't surprise me. she has immunity so she's probably trying to call some big shots. i'm working on linus to try to get him, myself, tommy, and ting ting to vote for leah. if all works and there's no idols, i'll be in the final 6 for the first time ever! but anything can happen, so i'm going to keep doing all the work i can.

"No one mourns the Wicked! No one cries they won't return. No one lays a lily on their grave." -Wicked (2003 musical) So Jay is gone :( . I'm kind of torn on how to feel about this. Sure she was shady as hell to most people in the game and a huge flipper, but like, she was always honest with me about where her head was at. Now on one hand my closest ally is out the door, but on the other I think multiple groups are seeing me as a possible extra number for them. In the Challenge Ashley teamed up with me  (She made deals with other people too, but at least I think that means Im not at the top of her hitlist) and she also somewhat tried to revive the "The only goddamn trustworthy people left chat". On the other side I have Tommy who I talked to for over an hour with yesterday in a skype call who wants me to side with him. Right now my play is Im trying to solidify a final 2 deal with Ting possibly. I know shes lied to some people, so Im hoping the trust isn't misplaced on my part, but I think I can play it up like with Jay gone I'm just going to become her extra vote. As it stands I think this round Im siding with Tommy and Sam, and hopefully Ting votes with us. Ashley's saying she hasnt heard anything about the vote at all, which is usually a red flag, but with her you never know since she's said that to me every round until like 2 hours before the vote :/ . I really do feel like there could be a f3 deal with her, Amanda and Leah so I want to get to strike while the iron is hot. The biggest problem with going against them though is that it seems like Tommy, Sam and Ting would most want to target Leah. Getting Leah out is kind of a mixed bag for my game. In one sense, Im pretty sure shes been going for me for a while, and if I make the end I can say that I was the fan who did what none of the others could. Thats also the problem with it though. If I become the last fan standing (Get it, like the famous saying last man standing but with an f instead of an m, Im so funny) then maybe others don't want to take me to the end so much since it possibly increases my shot at the end. On top of that, Leah is clearly been the least influential player so even with her wanting me out there hasn't been a vote cast against me since the Steffen boot.

Alright first, alliances and such: Ok it just makes me laugh so much that no one knows how close Tommy and I are in this game. Like omg. We literally swap info daily about the going ons. Like he's close with Ashley and Amanda and I got Linus it's great. Also Linus is nice and he's in a good strategic position for the remainder of the game. Like if he swaps, then boom there goes a vote. Sam is cool. He's really good at comps so he'll probably get immunity for like the rest of the game if he makes it through this vote. Leah is chill, I definitely think she's more focused on BB which is cool. Ashley and Amanda like don't trust me which i'm like fine whatever. Next, this vote: So basically Tommy, Sam, Linus (hopefully), and I are going for Leah this round because there's that Ashley, Amanda, Leah like final three alliance going on that needs to break up before final 6. Like strategically having three people in the game that are really close is bad because that's basically a majority right there going into f6. Ashley thinks that it's gonna be a 6-1 on Sam and he's leaving but... ;). Anyways, my only goal is to get to f5 to figure out what that legacy advantage is (shoutout to Steffen). Hopefully i can make it there. 2 more tribals. Also the cave can go to hell along with the hosts because they are evil people.

ashley actually thinks imma vote for amanda i cannot wait to SHAKE her geez if this all works it's gonna be amazeballs.

my heart my heart my heart that was so awesome. so awesome. i just i omg that was amazing amazing. ashley left that chat so fast!

yikes ashley like you were pushing for me to leave why am i supposed to tell you things