#and then didn't date until my late 20s lmao

[teddylacroix]

@jonmartinweek 2023: Day #4: Ace day!!!

Happy Asexuality Day, Jon!! Happy Asexuality Day, fellow aces!!!

International Asexuality Day: Jon-only

Day 3: Victorian times // Confessions

Day 2: Monsters // Office romance

Day 1: Scars // First day in the safehouse

[br1ghtestlight]

because today is @seemoreseymoursbay minor and one-off character day i thought that i would share some of my thoughts and analysis on lily's younger brother ernest lombard. since he is a one-off character from season three and i have thought about him more than ANYBODY else in this fandom and that's a promise lol

he's five years younger than lily and alice got pregnant w/ him after billy returned from the war and they were kinda having a honeymoon 2.0 phase since she was so happy her husband was alive and safe. he was born in 1946

lily was VERY protective of her baby brother. he got picked on a lot by the neighborhood kids bcuz he was nerdy and kinda weak/feminine but because lily was older and not afraid of ANYTHING she would stand up for him against everybody at school and in their neighborhood. very louise and gene vibes in that sense (except lily actually is older than ernest lmao)

only alice and lily (and later bob when was born) called him ernie/uncle ernie. he did NOT like being compared to the sesame street character especially when he was a teenager. HE IS NOT A MUPPET >:(

he was more nerdy and shy/sensitive and kept to himself. not many friends outside of his sister and he mostly spent his childhood reading comic books and playing by himself in his bedroom. his parents were very understanding and supportive of him since they were both pretty progressive for their time in terms of gender roles

he LOVED superhero comics when he was a kid. still a secret passion of his as an adult and he collected them

he was devastated when his older sister moved away from home especially because he was going through his angsty high school years and he really needed her. they still phoned each other and wrote letters everyday and lily would visit when she was able <3

he was gay and it was really tough for him growing up in the 1950s and 60s with homosexuality not even being legalized. his family was as supportive as could possibly be expected for the time period (they didnt disown or abuse him) and lily didn't think any different of him when he told her (but she told him to kinda keep it on the down low for his safety) fortunately he lived in new york city so there was a bit of a community for him

he had a long term boyfriend throughout the 70s and 80s but unfortunately he died from aids/hiv during the crisis :( ernest never got into another relationship after that and that's why he died single with no kids. he also lost a lot of friendships it was really hard. poor guy!!!

never got along w/ big bob as he always felt that he was too cold/unloving/didnt talk enough and that he was stealing ernest's older sister from him (they started dating when ernest was like..... 14 so that teenage angst was expected) big bob would never be good enough for lily in his mind

he moved to new jersey with his bf when they were in their late 20s to be closer to lily & bob which is where he stayed until he died

he LOVED being an uncle and thought bob was so cute and funny and reminded him so much of himself at bob's age. absolutely adored the kid. unfortunately he stopped coming around as much when lily got sick so bob doesn't have too many memories of him :(

lily's death was really hard for him and he basically stopped talking to bob and big bob entirely after she died bcuz the reminder was too painful. bob tried to stay in contact but he was also a teenager so they just kinda..... fell out of touch. they hadn't talked in years when ernest died

he was always very empathetic and understanding towards people seen as different/unwanted by society due to being gay himself so he had a lot of sympathy and always tried to support homeless people drug addicts and the mentally ill etc. our differences do not define us type guy. he volunteered a lot at the homeless shelters after he retired and that's part of why he let chet stay in his storage unit for all those years (although chet actually WAS a seasonal employee at his department store) he felt real deep love and empathy for him </3 also protested the vietnam war with his big sis. very anti-racism compared to what was expected of white people at the time

always very quiet and socially awkward. it is true that bob got a lot of his personality from big bob but he got an equal amount from ernest tbh he just never knew him well enough to realize that about himself

tina also shares a lot of traits w/ ernest and had they known each other when he was alive i think they would have gotten along really well. he would have loved her erotic friend fiction and he actually wrote his own superhero comic fanfiction before that was an actual thing that ppl had a word for

always loved drawing but never very good at it. you could find doodles ALL over his tax stubs and receipts from work

he had a brief dream of becoming a comic book artist and he read all the new peanuts and archie comics when they released. billy would always bring them home from work for him to read

when he died he left pretty much everything he owned (which was.... not very much. he definitely wasn't very financially well-off after they bought out his department store to build the mall) to bob bcuz he was basically the only family that he had that was still alive. he never knew bob had kids but he did know about linda

he died of a heart attack in his 60s and nobody even found his body for a few days. his later years were very lonely

[fuck-customers]

Pls tell me someone else has been through something similar.

TL;DR: Paid for a strangers groceries. Got asked out by him through his friend. Denied coz Idk why he did that & uh... he was deff not femme presenting so not my preference (& I still feel bad about it lmao). 🥲 #rip

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

I don't hate this customer, but I constantly wonder if anyone has had a shared experience like this so if you have, PLEASE leave it in the comments (or reblogs).

(*Shared experience as in... a stranger/customer asking you out for something you did for them while on the clock or something you showed them at work that's a work perk.)

When I was a cashier at the american grocery store "English en Español", I was in a low income area. I constantly had cis men hitting on me for no valid reason, as I'm not the socially accepted aesthetic for "attractive" (probably because it was a small town so there wasn't much selection & I live in cities so I dressed/acted differently than most? Idk. I'm a transman, pre-t & pre-surgery, but present as femme for safety reasons, espec in small towns). I often didn't notice until coworkers told me after they had left or until the man, himself, told me straight up. It was common enough that we had a signal bc apparently I suck at picking up on people hitting on me. NO ONE working that night signaled for this one, despite several of my coworkers seeing this.

So needless to say, I did NOT see this coming.

There was a guy with two girls checking out their groceries at my register. It was late at night, close to closing. When it came to the guys portion of the groceries, he split things up to afford everything. (I feel that lol.) His card declined on the last part. He was maybe $25ish(?) short (idr exact amount). He asked to take off a few things & I was like "Wait, wait." & jumped around & slid my own card & paid for his stuff. At that time (about a decade ago) my finances were mostly stable. I was doing what I could for anyone who needed it. It wasn't abnormal for me to pay for people whose groceries got declined by under $50 if I had it that month. I was stuck at a grocery store all day & people quite literally need food. It's the *least* I could do while financially stable, yknow? He wasn't someone I singled out... just someone else I managed to have the privilege of helping.

But this guy looked like he was both a) about to cry & b) incredibly embarrassed. He barely whispered thank you to me before grabbing everything & RUNNING out the door. His two friends thanked me profusely & followed him out *normally*. Lol.

I didn't have anyone else to check out coz it was almost 10pm at that point, so I was just vibing at my register. Maybe 5 whole minutes later (yes, THAT LONG) one of the girls the guy was with comes back in & runs up to my register.

I didn't say anything coz I was confused. Why is everyone running? Why does everyone have so much energy? Jeeze. 💀

She said, quickly & excitedly, "Remember the guy you just saw that you paid for his groceries?"

Me: "👁👄👁... yeah?"

Her: "Well, he wanted to know if you wanted to go out with him. Like, on a date."

Me, confused, not knowing what to say, stalling: "Uhhhhhhm."

In my mind, I'm thinking: 'Why would he want that? Because I paid for his groceries? Does he think I'm one of those dommes that gives money to their subs? Oh no. I'm a sub, not a dom! Maybe he just thinks I'm nice? Oh god, he's gonna find out I'm NOT nice if we date... but I really only like femme presenting people. How tf do I say that in a small town where I don't want that to get out? I don't know what's happening here, but-"

Me, without hesitation: "Sorry, but ...I like women?"

Her: "👁👄👁... Was that a question?"

Me: "...No?"

Her: "... 👁👄👁 ...Okay, I'll tell him. Thanks!"

Again, with the running. Running out the door. To the car. They looked about the same age as me. Early 20s. Like... where are they getting this ENERGY??? 😭

He NEVER came into the location I worked at again while I was there for 3 years lmao. The two girls did. Ik he lived in the area. This was before the time of grocery delivery. So uh... I feel awful lol.

I also feel awful because I never really say no to anyone in that context or break up with anyone. I always force *them* to say no or break up with me so that I don't have to do it. 😅 I'd never in a million years lead anyone on coz that's completely unfair, but I really just need the other person to do it & I couldn't in that situation so it still sits in the back of my mind like, "oh my god what have I done" kind of catastrophic thoughts spiraling from there. Meanwhile, he probably doesn't even remember I exist. 💀

So rip to me, I guess.

Please tell me someone else has had some kind of interaction where a stranger/customer has asked you out or tried to get with you based on something you did (or did for them) on the clock or a work perk you showed them/they saw. 😭 Pls make me feel less alone in this lmao.

Also make sure to give the follow up tea! Did you go out? Did it work? Are you married? ☕️ 🦊

When I was 19 I gave a lady a coupon for money off (I'm 50 I forget how much it was for.) and this lady tried to hook me up with her 13yo daughter. I dunno if that counts.

-Rodney

[panlight]

I know you did astrological charts and the birthdays of the Cullens a while back (btw I want to see an updated version in case your opinions changed becuz mine have lol) but I'm pondering those of Bella, Edward, and Jacob. (Also if Ren was a "normal" pregnancy what could her sign be?) I know canon has them as Virgo, Gemini, and Capricorn respectively, but I feel like at least one of those signs isn't very accurate. I'm especially conflicted about Jacob as I did research on the 12 signs but it didn't connect. Your thoughts? Any new headcanons for the main trio and/or the Cullens?

I don't really know enough about the common traits of the signs off the top of my head to say. I'm not so much an astrology girl in real life, but I think it's fun in fiction as a tool to help flesh out a character. Pick a birthday and look up the astrological traits and pick some of those for your character, etc. Or, to work backwards when the author didn't give any of the major secondary characters birthdays to try and pick one for them based on traits. That's sort of how I settled on Feb 18 for Carlisle. We knew he "recently" had a birthday when Bella visits the house in March, so his birthday would be presumably in March or the later half of February. Feb 18th puts him on the cusp of humanitarian Aquarius and compassionate Pisces so that seemed like a good fit.

I think Virgo broadly works for Bella; they're practical, useful, hardworking, can be judge-y and perfectionistic. They aren't super creative or artistic, but they get stuff done but are prone to stress for all the pressure they put on themselves.

Edward's a Gemini (Jun 20) but on the cusp with Cancer, so he could have traits of both. From one website: "Gemini-Cancer cusps are playful, sensitive, romantic, and intelligent. They're highly perceptive and are more emotional and sentimental than they outwardly seem." I mean other than maybe playful (he has his moments but overall takes everything Super Seriously) that's not a terrible surface description of our vampire Romeo.

Jacob's a Capricorn (Jan 14). In descriptions I see a lot of words like persistent and loyal, which works. Negative traits like arrogant and controlling, which could fall into his post-wolfening character shift I guess. They aren't conventionally romantic but show affection and love with smaller gestures. He's not saying Bella is his life now or his life has no meaning without her, but he gives her candy hearts and warm sodas and spends time with her when she needs his sunny presence.

If I could assign a different birthday to one of the three it would probably be Jacob. I could definitely see him as more of Leo; loyal, a natural leader, generous, charming, talkative (telling Bella the secret history like, right away). I think that might fit his original sunny personality better?

Renesmee would probably have been born in late April or early May if she had been the product of a typical human pregnancy based on some rough dates I threw into a pregnancy calculator. That would make her a Taurus (like me!). Stubborn, dependable, set in their ways, appreciates the good things in life, gentle until riled, maybe with an artistic streak. I don't think I'm a very good Taurus example (the whole hedonistic thing is not me, lmao), but maybe Nessie would have been? I see some common traits with Virgo, which might complicate the mother-daughter relationship in the future. Sometimes people who are too similar don't get along well (looking at you, Rosalie and Edward).

[valyrfia]

im only asking this to cleanse your inbox and you once said you are happy to talk about gay things if anyone wants to tell 🤧 as someone whos in her late twenties until that age i was straight or was thinking it but i just met a girl lately and she's the definition of 🥺🥺 she's so sweet and petite and thoughtful and she fucks my mind so much? I'm trying to not fall in love and tell myself im not into girls but is this how you realize youre actually gay?? shes like my bestfriends close friend so i see her often and I'm-

GAY THINGS! I LOVE GAY THINGS!

Not to be your lesbian agony aunt but I think the greatest piece of advice that was ever said to me was "straight girls don't even consider any of that from girls, at all". Straight people don't even think they could be gay, and don't imagine romance with the same sex past anything but a fleeting curious thought. I think my main piece of advice would be to listen to your body! Close your eyes and think about her, note how your body feels and if you're comfortable, think about: hugging her, holding her hand, kissing her and note how your body reacts to each of these things. You don't have to do anything about it, you can just be!

Personally, the year I realised I liked women there are three things that stick out in my mind, I'll stick them below a cut. Take what resonates with you and leave what doesn't!

Number one. I was in uni at the time we had a break in the middle of a lecture and my group of friends all sat on the stairs inside the lecture theatre chatting and a female friend hugged me from behind, in a kinda non-platonic (I was fully in her lap, my head was tipped back onto her shoulder lmao) and I fully melted and completely zoned out from the conversation. Now whenever men had hugged me like this I felt trapped and claustrophobic and I had no explanation in my head for why my body was completely not wanting to move w this random friend but barely wanted the guy I was seeing at the time touching me.

Secondly I was out with some friends and having a conversation w my best friend at the time in the bathroom when this girl we vaguely know walks in wearing a crop top and sweatpants and smiles at me. I just remember completely losing my words and blushing FURIOUSLY all over. (An even more fun fact is that this girl is in fact my now-girlfriend, this is about two years before we started dating).

Thirdly, I made this friend who was a lesbian and the first real interaction with a lesbian that I had had and I just thought she was so pretty and all I wanted to do was talk to her all the time. I didn't want other people, even our other friends talking or interacting with her without me there. We fell asleep on calls together and it got to the point that I was blowing off my boyfriend at the time to spend time with her because I felt like I was literally glowing in her presence and it was something I couldn't really fathom until one night I realised that I didn't like being best friends with this woman, I was fully on my way to being in love with her and wanted to be dating her. And that was the straw that breaks the camel's back to me realising, oh shit. I'm gay!

In hindsight was also attracted to some girls in school but hindsight is 20/20

But yes my number one piece of advice is YOUR BODY KNOWS! Listen to your body! And loving women is great! Don't be tricked into the 'oh I'm too old to discover I'm gay' trap, that's impossible, different people have different timelines! I'm rooting for you!

Also, liking women is so fun! Having crushes are fun! Have so much fun with it!

[thedo0zyslider]

July Fanfiction Schedule! This is a rough outline! These dates are subject to change, which is why a few remain vague. (Though between artfight I will try to get as much of these done early as possible ^^)

I enjoy weekly updates, I really do, but I can't maintain that sometimes with how life is figuratively smacking me around like a basketball lmao. There was a lot I wanted to get done this month that I just couldn't do (probably why next months schedule is so cramped, and I'm even being lax on myself there)

I'd like to keep updating Arranged Marrige weekly, and hopefully can! (It's planned out until around chapter 20 after all.) EAL on the other hand is a beast and I'm still not done rewatching some povs after months, so it takes longer (+ there's more hole in the outline) Those two are honestly the main reason I remade my schedule like this, since I'd already announced dates and didn't wanna feel like I have to stick to them Or Else

(Also real talk. The undiagnosed ADHD or whatever i have is making it SUPER hard to sit down and concentrate + general low mental health right now. EAL 35 is actually late because I couldn't wrangle my attention span in.)

TLDR; This serves as a rough schedule outline for July because of life changes. Arranged Marrige will most likely stay the same, while EAL is now being posted randomly. Other fanfics get done when they get done, or on the date posted in the image.

This is also gonna be added to my pinned in case anyone misses it <3 (rip old image you will be missed)

[riflebrass]

I got into a fight with my idiot friend last night. I posted a dad joke and he didn't get it so when I explained the joke I gave him some shit for it and he went off on me in a non-sexual way. I hit him up on Discord and he hit me with 40 comments in a row (I counted) in under 20 minutes.

Most of it was about how his life is changing and how he has to change as a person for the sake of this new job, but the thing that really got me was that he said it was exhausting how I'm a fucking retard all the time and he wished I could be normal for just once in my life. Had that been literally any other friend I would have taken it to heart, but this motherfucker is the LAST person to expect me to be normal.

His story isn't as long a saga as Chris-Chan but he's still got some history of being the biggest fucking idiot I know. Here's just a few of my favorites.

He fucking hates the homeless. He was homeless himself for like a year and a half. What kept him off the streets for almost all of it was a support network of friends who would offer to take him in. He would contribute absolutely nothing and refused to look for a job until he wore out his welcome then moved onto the next friend he would mooch off of. In his mind what makes him a better person than all the other homeless people is that he never had to beg for help because he always knew someone who would take him in.

He's never held down a job for longer than a month and a half because he constantly fucks up. He fucks up basic procedure. He shows up hours late because he was up all night playing video games and he overslept. He makes inappropriate comments about female co-workers right in front of them. He calls female management on their emergency phone to ask them out on a date. It's all just really dumb shit like this that keeps him from being a productive member of society.

He fucking hates socialism but has been living on every form of government assistance imaginable for the last several years because he has ADHD. He successfully lead the government to believe he is 100% incapable of being "normal" in any capacity. He demands that everyone else pull themselves up by their bootstraps and put their nose to the grindstone at a job but he earned his government handouts because his parents didn't raise him right. That's really his justification for it.

Dude once told me he is further ahead than me in life because he has his own place while I have to live with a roommate. The fact that his entire life is subsidized by the government while I'm actually contributing to society is irrelevant. He has his own place so he's the real success here.

He's the only guy I know who unironically listens to Andrew Tate.

That paints a pretty good picture of the kind of retard I'm dealing with here. I know I've got a pretty dumb and outright weird sense of humor. I know my personality can be pretty abrasive at times. I know I certainly have my own moments of dumbassery, but for this guy to say I am ALWAYS retarded and that I should just once try to be normal? Fuck him lmao.

[jewishcissiekj]

A few months ago I woke up (I wasn't sleeping) in cold sweat at night from a story idea and grabbed a paper I found and wrote on it the OC name that came to me in a vision but only now I started thinking about her more and finally fucking designed her so here's my Jedi Master OC and her three Padawans (and everything I have to say about them) if you want to see them

(mouth on the first one came out weird, ignore that) Bliz Karse she/her (Karse pronounced Kuh-rs, not sure about Bliz yet) -Ky Narec's best friend! her main story point lmao. They were partners most of their life, from the crèche to knighthood up until Ky ended up on Rattatak. -Theelin -Qui-Gon's and Ky's age - born circa 80 BBY -Lives up to TCW, probably dies in Order 66 (haven't gotten there yet) -Ky and her are really close friends and like half the temple's padawans gossip about them dating. They aren't together. -Her master is Burryaga from The High Republic! Was thinking about a Master for her and he just fit idk -She's short -Ky and her go around the galaxy as Jedi explorers. They're both aspiring Wayseekers, striving to be independent from the council and help wherever they can (this gets serious for Bliz after Ky crashed on Rattatak) -She takes her padawans everywhere so a lot of times people think they're Ky and hers' children -um idk I think she's aroace?

Padawan I - Sevo Zash They/them -Mirialan (purple!) -I drew them as a Padawan but they're like, older than Obi-Wan. -Bliz took them on not long after her knighting -They love Ky -I need to develop them more (gave them a name like an hour ago and came up with the design this afternoon, I don't know them yet) -Survives Order 66 but is killed by an inquisitor not long after

Padawan II - Nyyra Xor She/her -Falleen (green, naturally) -NOT AURRA but love me some almost bald characters with a pnytail at the top of their head and no eyebrows -I should make a timeline for Bliz but she's like, in her late 20s/early 30s by the Clone Wars -She thinks Ky is annoying but was still Bliz's Padawan when he crushed on Rattatak (that adds up, right?) so she came to miss him after a while -a big fan of annoying the fuck out of Bliz. She also doesn't like traveling as much as the others so she ended up with the worst possible master in that regard -Sevo sees her as their little sister, I feel like all 3 Padawans are kinda siblings in that way -Oldest sibling energy, doomed to be a middle child -Wants to be on the council. Dies in Order 66.

Padawan III - Arck Kyvett she/him -Tholothian (no idea how to draw their head-tendrils but I think I did a decent job) -DIES (killed by Asajj) - her main story point is dying. That's where I started, with Asajj being sent to kill Ky's childhood friend's padawan by Dooku and then Bliz came to me -Bliz took him on 2-3 years before the Clone Wars, and he died very quickly (Asajj's first Jedi kill, maybe even before the Clone Wars started) -I wanted to give all of them some sort of Padawan braid, so Arck gets beads on one of his tendrils, I think that can work -Youngest sibling energy, if she didn't die she'd also become the favorite child (Nyyra and Sevo love her dw) -The Ky in her name is the first thing Asajj hears when Bliz refers to her. Wanted to call her Ky originally but felt this would do instead

Woooo building OC lore is fun I should do it more Talked a lot about Ky but never drew him once in my life. Let's ignore that.

[chaos-and-recover]

I dunno if I am venting, asking aita, or asking advice or am I overreacting but you're probably the only person I follow who is old (I am 17 and most people I follow are around that age) so here goes. so I have this cousin who my whole family hates and has spent my whole life saying horrible things about. This cousin literally moved across the country (we are in the USA) and everyone says that she moved away because she was tired of our family calling her out on her abusive behavior. (Cont)

Okay, wow. This is a doozy. I'm gonna answer all the messages in this series probably in chunks (but in this one post) 'cause there's a lot to say here and I think it makes sense so I can interject thoughts as I go and address all the various things going on here. First off, based on this first message, I'm kind of on your cousin's side. I'd probably also move across the country if my entire family talked shit about me all the time.

I grew up hearing how she's awful, a bitch, unhygienic, house is a hoarding disaster of filth, etc, like she's not a good person. Anyway despite living so far away she's managed to come to important events like weddings and funerals. Now I notice that any time someone calls her out, like asks how smelly her house is, if she's keeping it clean, or if her friend(s?) still put up with her, she has a really nasty insult ready and it's been like that my whole life so I believe it. (Cont)

Okay so, obviously I don't know her so she might be all of those things, but does your family have examples of her shitty behaviour beyond being unhygienic and possibly a hoarder? Because those things, to me, don't match up with "she's a bitch" and "she's awful," but being a bitch might be an understandable reaction to people giving you crap about the way you live. And hoarding in particular is very often a symptom of a larger mental health issue. Asking if her friends "still put up with her" is rude as fuck too, like so far your family kind of sound like bullies.

Anyway so last year a relative got married and my cousin showed up. My cousin is in her late 30s idk exactly. So my aunt (also her aunt) points out that maybe if she hadn't been a bitch and took better care of herself she would be married. She said she was happy in her relationship life but we all immediately pointed out she wasn't in a relationship so she should stop lying. (Cont)

As someone at the tail end of their 30s who is unmarried this is a WILDLY inappropriate thing to say. There are a million reasons why someone might not be married in their 30s, not least of which is "they don't want to be." I also think it's either a generational or a cultural thing that people just don't get married in their 20s as much anymore -- generational because my parents were 20 and 24 got married but both of my siblings were in their early 30s, two of my best friends didn't get married until they were 34 and 35, respectively, and for a variety of reasons I have a ton of other friends in their 30s who are not married at all. Some people just don't get married! Some people don't get married until it makes financial sense (either actually paying for the wedding or something more practical like joint tax filing. It actually doesn't always make sense to file as a couple). But I also wonder if that's just a cultural thing because it certainly seems that getting married in your 20s is still something a lot of people do in some regions of the US and in some other cultures, so I don't know. But I do think it's no one else's fucking business why someone else isn't married (for me it's because I straight up cannot be bothered dating and do not want to alter my life and my routine to make room for another person lmao so that makes getting married a bit of a challenge). Also even if she was not in a relationship (later messages make it clear that's apparently not the case) you CAN be perfectly happy being single. Like, I am absolutely happy with my non-existent dating life and relationship status. So accusing her of lying about being happy because you think she's single is bonkers, frankly. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically make you happy, and you don't need a romantic relationship in order to be happy.

She said we clearly knew nothing about her, that she isn't messy, is happy with how she looks, and we need to stop lying about her hygiene and other things. Now I personally have never thought she smelled bad but I only see her at big events so ofc she wouldn't. Anyway the wedding had alcohol so we all got really drunk (including me, but including her also so she can't judge) and things got heated between her and my mom (Cont)

So okay. I want you to think about this. Your family says she's smelly and unhygienic but you've never observed that yourself, so why do you believe them? Maybe she does only clean up for family events, but if that's the only time you see her, do you know that's true? Do you have any reason, beyond what your family has said, to actually think she does have hygiene issues? This might also be a mental health issue, fyi. There are a ton of reasons someone might not be "clean." There are also a lot of physical conditions that might cause someone to smell "bad." And it is, frankly, not anybody's business.

As for the drinking, yeah getting sloppy drunk isn't a good look but it also happens at weddings. I'm neutral on that point, tbh.

(my mom cheated on my dad and my cousin told everybody and that's how my dad found out I'm not kid but that's a long story) anyway so she got kicked out of the wedding and took an uber to the hotel. The next day I went to the hotel and we were both hungover so maybe not in the best mood. when I talked to her she told me that our family was abusive and toxic and I pointed out it's unrealistic that everyone in the whole family except her is abusive (cont) so maybe she needs to logically look at herself and realize it's more believable that only she is lying instead of everyone except her. And she just said I should research family scapegoats. I told her that it was her fault my parents divorced and my dad doesn't pay child support and she told me to leave. Well I felt kinda bad and so a few days later when she was back home I messaged her about what she'd like for a wedding because that's what ppl talk about after a wedding. (Cont)

She's right about the family scapegoat. It's not uncommon for abusive people to target one person and not another. Like, a parent may be abusive toward one kid, but not another, and they may turn others against that one kid, cause resentment, and ruin one kid's life while their sibling(s) may think they have a great childhood. It sucks! But it's absolutely a real abuse tactic. In your family's case I think it's pretty likely everyone didn't get together and decide to be shitheads to your cousin, but it started SOMEWHERE, it sounds like SOMEONE turned everyone against her.

I will say she shouldn't have told everyone your mom had an affair, but it's straight up not her fault your parents divorced. Your parents divorced because your mom cheated. It sucks! I'm sorry you had to go through that. She should keep her mouth shut about things that aren't her business (if she knew and no one else did, telling your dad might have been acceptable depending on the circumstances/relationship, but not spreading gossip to everyone else. That's not cool).

She said a bunch of stuff and then mentioned that her wedding would be a dry wedding. I pointed out that she was being hypocritical and a bridezilla because nobody wants to go to a dry wedding AND I know she drinks PLUS she got wasted like everybody else at our most recent wedding. And she said that since it was allowed then it's not hypocritical but that as I wasn't old enough to drink then it wouldn't matter anyway. (Cont)

Getting sloppy drunk at one wedding and then having a dry wedding yourself isn't really hypocritical. There are a lot of reasons someone might have a dry wedding, from money (open bars are expensive and cash bars are kinda tacky imo) to someone involved with/at the wedding in recovery for alcohol addiction to just not wanting people to get sloppy. I do think a dry wedding is probably gonna reduce the number of people who want to go but that might also be the goal.

Now granted I did lose my temper and tell her that it wasn't like she ever had to worry about getting married anyway because nobody loved her and since it hadn't happened for her yet then she should accept it wouldn't ever. I will admit that I reacted badly to that. She then told me to go and then blocked me. Well I have two accounts (one I made before I was 13 but I said i was 21 so I could have a fb and she followed me on both)well lo and behold six months ago she announces shes engaged (cont)

Yeah that wasn't cool, honestly. But also if I had a younger cousin who said something like that I'd probably be like "yeah ok kid sure" so like she could've probably reacted better.

I message her asking for an invite and she reminds me that it's a dry wedding and I said that's ok. She says she's not sure she wants me to come based on my behavior but she'll think about it. Well I notice that nowhere on any of her social media does she talk about her fiance or boyfriend at all, except to say who she is marrying and it's her best friend, who lives where she moved. I message him (we don't follow each other) cont I'm like how long have you been dating and why haven't you said anything on social media. He says they've been together for years but they're both private people. I don't know anything about him beyond that they've been friends (dating?) for like almost 15 or more years or smth. She only ever talked about him like a friend. Which I thought was weird. But I keep that to myself. Well because she always made it to all weddings and funerals I say yes I'd like to go. (Cont)

This might also be a bit of a generational disconnect. She's roughly my age and while our generation definitely had some early forms of social media by high school, we didn't grow up on it the same way younger generations did and the concept of sharing EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME is still a little foreign to us. Either that or we did the oversharing every aspect of our lives in our teens/early 20s and are now pulling back from that. It seems like every day more and more people I know are leaving FB and other social media platforms. Years ago when I was seeing someone he went to change his relationship status to 'in a relationship' with me after like 2 dates and I had to be like "whoa hold on there bro." I hadn't even mentioned to my family that I was seeing someone (because TWO DATES). Some people just don't put all their business on social media.

So I get an invite and so i invite the whole family. We show up but she has no room for us and said she only sent out a few invites but since I got invited I told everyone where the wedding was. Her fiance was there and kinda stepped in but it never got heated or anything but he showed us cheap hotels because they just didn't have room for everyone and they weren't expecting that many people. But when I was in the house I noticed it looked clean and smelled normal. (Cont)

Okay you're young so I'll chalk this up to not knowing what goes in to planning a wedding but DON'T DO THIS. Weddings are expensive and they are also planned down to the very last detail, INCLUDING having EXACT numbers for catering. You're basically buying dinner for all your guests, and it can be expensive. If you're having a buffet-style or more casual wedding you might have extra food but in a lot of cases the caterers are preparing the meals for the people who have RSVP'd and there won't be a ton of extra food just in case. You can't just add a bunch of extra people at the last minute because there won't be enough food, and in this case, not enough space. Most wedding invites have you choose your meal when you RSVP so they make sure they have enough of each option for everyone. If your invite says +1 you can bring a guest, otherwise you don't. You DO NOT invite a bunch of random people, especially family who don't even like this person and weren't invited for a reason (why would they even want to go if they all hate her so much?)

Also, you were in her house and it was clean and didn't smell, consider why you still believe your family who say she's unhygienic.

My family is clearly angry but they're not psycho so they keep it to themselves when he drives us there. So her and fiance ask to talk with me alone at a diner and give me a talk about how I wasn't supposed to invite everyone which offended me because they're family but I have never met him so I don't want to be rude. They both say they've managed to work it out and had extra food so it was okay this time but that in case other people get married or future events I should be aware that this behavior isn't acceptable. Which yes got my hackles raised but i'm trying to be nice. Well anyway at some point she had to leave for a hair appointment and needs to go but I am not done eating so she takes an Uber and he eats until I'm done eating before taking me back to the hotel. I take the alone time to bring up like hey do you know the woman you're about to marry is abusive and toxic and that he deserves better than someone he has to remind to shower and clean up after and someone who is kind and I just blurt out that she's a hypocrite who got sloppy drunk and I'm like I don't know how often she's lied to you about what kind of person she is and that he should know how toxic she is and to his credit he listened but then he asks why do you think her family wasn't invited, because they're abusive, and then asks what my goal was in talking shit about his future wife to him as soon as she's out of earshot and asks if I talk this way about everybody who isn't in the room with me. And I point out it's more logical that she is the abusive liar, not literally everyone else except her. And then he says she's always been loving and kind, cleans a normal amount, and as far as he's been around her taken care of her hygiene and that even when he visited the home she grew up in it was clean and that he will not listen to me talk about her like that anymore. When I get back to the hotel I tell my family everything and they came uncorked and kept calling her and texting her and so they rescinded all our invitations. We all pointed out that we spent a lot of money to get there and she said that wasn't her problem and then blocked all of us. I tried to show up to the wedding but was told to either leave on my own or be escorted by the police so I left. I didn't know this but my family showed up after me and stuff went down but i dont know what because nobody will tell me. Anyway so after the wedding I tried to contact her through multiple means but i was blocked on all of them as we all were. She did post a few videos publicly for everyone to see, so I had a mutual friend who wasn't blocked but didn't attend the wedding show me the videos and the wedding was very cheap and small. But that is what she told me she wanted last year. I tried talking to her siblings but her siblings also blocked me. I tried talking to some relatives of her now husband but they didn't respond to me, and i may have lost my temper and said cruel things so they all blocked me without responding. I made a few accounts and emails contacting them again asking for evidence of her claims but nobody ever responded but I was able to send emails. (Cont)

Yeah I'm on the cousin and her fiance's side still. He sounds like a decent guy standing up for his future wife. And if he has in fact known her for 15 years, he DOES know what kind of person she is. I think it's clear you meant well in warning him about what you've heard about her your whole life, but I think you should consider that your family aren't always the good guys in every situation. Even people you love can be wrong and cruel. I think if you can go through the trouble of making additional accounts to ask her siblings for evidence of her claims (you should stop, btw. They blocked you because they don't want to discuss it, leave them be) you should also maybe ask the family you do speak to for actual evidence of her being an awful person and being filthy and smelly (which, again... nobody's business, and not a reason to be nasty to someone???).

I think, based on what I've read here, it comes down to this: your family does not like this cousin and they make no secret of it. Why on earth would she tell them anything, invite them to major events like her wedding, or be anything other than nasty to them in return???

[diancite]

I KEEP FORGETTING TO POST THESE. magical girl au refs for cynthia and diantha except they're vaguely incomplete cuz i'm lazy LMAO. diantha's design is bound to change a bit eventually but im p happy with cynthia's.

some notes about the au/fic below the cut since i keep forgetting to actually share !!!!

in this fic magical girls are treated somewhat like?? idols i guess??? idk it wasn't intentional but that's just kind of what happened. there's like. agencies that manage magical girls and give them assistance/work to do . the system's fucked though.

all kinds of supernatural stuff happens!! pokemon do not exist but magical beasts of the same origin as magical girls do! and they're. fairly similar to pokemon in many aspects

magical girls aren't the only people with magic. there's just a very specific phenomena that goes on w/ magical girls specifically. they've existed since the beginning of recorded history! (and guess who's a huge nerd about that.)

anyway. character specific notes. i'll start w diantha bc she's the "protagonist"(read: first half of the story is in her pov)

she's still an actress in this au!! she probably could've unlocked her potential as a magical girl as a teenager if she'd... just had the time to . oopsies.

she didn't. become a magical girl until the start of the story (she's. 26. that is a VERY late age to discover that in this!!!!)

dating malva. lives with her as well. how cute hope nothing happens to their relationship(smiles)

is assigned on the important task of apprehending a powerful rogue magical girl(cynthia!) who has evaded every attempt in the past four years. hmmm wonder how this will end up!!!(sorry. im giggling writing this all out)

her weapon is a rapier similar to the one diancie is seen with in the oras animated trailer i'm just not 100% satisfied w my design for it yet. lol rip

aaand cynthia. wonder what her deal is!

she's a Very experienced magical girl. she is also a mid 20s disaster who is trying to juggle school with erm. being a wanted magical girl.

she used to be in the same agency that diantha is now in, but ran away after finding out some. Very Classified information.

so many people want her gone. too bad she's almost untouchable. (there's. a Ranking system for magical girls but i don't feel like explaining it. know she's probably one of if not the most powerful one alive tho)

is trying to unravel the mystery of where magical girls actually came from. (this is part of what led her to discovering some things she shouldn't have.) however her quest for Knowledge isn't. really that important to the main plot of the fic. i may make a spinoff about it tho if i ever get to that point lmaooo

ok genuinely i cant share too much about cynthia without just spoiling all the fun surprises i have planned for the story sorry

take some shitty aggie doodles i did a while back as thanks for reading all of this <3

[destinyc1020]

By the way Hollywood is i would just b content with Kaia being in her late 20s n Austin in his late 30s bt 20 (wen they met) is just so.. young. I actually enjoy Kaias book club n she said in the last one that was told a lot that she was very "mature" n a "old soul" when she was young n i definetly get that vibe from her, i feel like she thinks shes more mature bt by her interviews she sounds like her age to me tbh (nt a bad thing though shes still seems more stable than a lot of other nepo baby models).

I did think her n JE were going to last longer, they give off the same kinda vibe imo. In his print interviews he seems pretentious/wanting to emulate old hollywood stars or Health Ledger n Kaia mentioned smthin about how an artist isnt going to sacrifice their movie for someones kid (wrong lol) cuz thats not how art is made n she wants to "make art". Just by those comments i got why they were a couple ☠️ both of them can just sound very eye rolling to put it plainly lol kaia seems a lil more geniune wen shes nt ignorant about nepotism tho lol

Im srry bt the "rent a model gf" gave me a lil chuckle lmao it def helps wen her last n current bf have been actors n she wants to b an actress now. Anytime someone mentions her its either cuz her mom or shes "_'s gf". I think shes prob going to continue to have a deal with the paps until or if her acting career takes off cuz they give her visibility in hollywood

Late 20s would be fine....shoot... even 25 would be better and just fine imo lol 😆

I've always liked the fact that Kaia had her book club, and it's smthg she's done for years. She's a VERY avid reader, so I'm not even surprised that Austin was attracted to her, coz he loves to read also! 😊 Like, I can totally understand why they clicked, cuz they actually have quite a bit in common.

While I do think that Kaia has been forced to grow up VERY quickly in the modeling world, and probably isn't a "regular person's" 21 year old, she's STILL very young (imo), and pretty naïve and out of touch.... You can tell by her interviews. The funny thing is, she doesn't even realize it yet, which is why it's so ironic.

I'm not sure of the context of what she meant by "making art", so I won't comment on that, but part of me almost feels like she's just repeating buzz words lol. At least with JE, I feel like that's who he truly is, and what he truly wants. Although they sometimes looked miserable together lol, I actually think they were better matched? They were closer in age, and seemed to have similar backgrounds.

ALL of us were more naïve at that age though, so it's not a slight towards her, it's just a reminder that she doesn't have much life experience yet. 🤷🏾‍♀️ According to Psychologists, your brain isn't even FULLY developed until your mid-late 20s!

JE grew up pretty privileged, and so did Kaia. When you've been raised around wealth your entire life like Kaia has, it's hard to know how to relate to "common folk".

Re: JE.....

I'm not even surprised he's with Olivia Jade rn lol. 😅 They've actually lasted waaaay longer than I expected, so I guess he stopped cheating on his gfs lol. 🤭

Re: Rent-a-Model-Girlfriend...

Lol I'm sorry rofl 🤣 But after dating Pete Davidson, Jacob Elordi, and now Austin Butler lol, it just seems like I'm noticing a pattern here rofl 🤣 (Hot, up-and-coming actors who are going places lol)

As far as Austin is concerned.....

I'm probably gonna ruffle some Kaustin/Kaia feathers by saying this lol, but I'll say it anyway since I'm ALWAYS 💯% honest here on my blog....

First off, I'll just say, I think Austin is actually a very nice guy, and definitely seems way more humble and in touch with reality due to his background.

But boy does he have a bad woman picker lol 😂 Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the women he's been with have been "bad women" at all (I actually didn't mind Vanessa back when they were dating pre-covid 🥴), I just think that his personality doesn't always align with who he's dating. So his choices are sometimes like, "seriously?" to me lol. Almost like, he doesn't realize that he could do better. 👀

Tbh, I've often wondered if maybe he got with Kaia because after the lengthy Vanessa rlshp and breakup, maybe he just wanted smthg more low-key, easy maintenance, a pretty girl on your arm for movie premieres and press tours so you're not asked about your ex all the time 🙄, and just someone who can be private, and not rustle feathers too much, or be overly obnoxious on social media. 👀

I could be dead wrong, but I kinda get the impression that he's more so focused on his career right now. Yes, he's been in the business for almost 20 years, but he's JUST now getting his big break, so he's a bit behind than some others who got their big breaks in their early 20s or younger. He could def date an older woman again in the future, but I don't think at this moment in his life that he's really looking for an older woman who might be wanting or pressuring marriage right now.... hence, KAIA. 👀 🤷🏾‍♀️

I actually wouldn't mind Kaia too much if she were at least 25 and came from a regular background like himself. She's private, she doesn't say anything about the rlshp, and many famous ppl need you to be that way when you're dating such a high-profile man. Maybe she took notes from Zendaya lol 🤭

Anyway, I think his focus at the moment is his career. You saw how QUICKLY those engagement rumors got squashed right lol? Rofl 🤣 😂 I'd be a little surprised if he gets engaged to Kaia anytime soon. (I could be totally wrong though)

But he is def a guy who seems to prefer stable, long-term rlshps though, so they will probably last quite a while! They might even surprise everyone and get engaged one day, but I don't see it happening tomorrow, in other words. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Honestly?? I actually think Austin would do well to just be SINGLE for 6 months lol. I know that's a TALL order for a handsome, nice guy in the industry lol, but imo I think it would do him well. He's been through a LOT. Not just his mom's death, but other things in his life as well.

Relationship-wise, he went from an 8-yr rlshp with Vanessa, to then a massive breakup, to then a rebound "situationship" with his Elvis costar Olivia, to then another rebound fling with Lily Depp lol.... like laawwwd dude rofl 🤣 😂 Can't you just be single lol? 🤣

I'll give him a slight pass though, cuz 8 years is a very long time to be with someone, and then NOT have anybody.... I always say that the longer your relationship was, the longer you rebound also. I don't even think they broke up in person face-to-face. 👀

Anyway, IF he and Kaia do breakup one day, I'll be looking to see who he gets with next, cuz if it's some young 21 year old again I'm gonna be giving him the MASSIVE side-eye.

🤨

Anyway, those are my thoughts/opinions.... you don't have to agree. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[eiseryn]

Feeling not that great lately so I took a bit of time to fill in this ship meme made by @/gibbarts for Vail x Lei! I have their ship name as Vailei (which is just me smushing their names together) but my friend has brought up Leil which is tempting just because it's fun to say... I think we'll stick with Vailei for now XD

I used some headcanons for this because NGL Vail doesn't have enough screentime in the canon campaign so I had to just fill in some blanks XD This is why he is also my OC now cuz I've made so many headcanons to fill in the blanks that he's prob a diff OC than the KP imagined XD

I realize their faces are kinda babey in this. That is because I did this in like 1 hr so it's very messy sorry. I still had a lot of fun filling this out and thinking about them <3 my OTP 🥺🥺🥺

OC lore under the cut (as per usual of course)

More explanations about how I picked this even though you didn't ask 😎

Big spoon Vail / Little spoon Lei. They could def swap though but this is their usual formation if they're spooning. Little spooning is def by Lei's request but she'll big spoon him if she wants him to feel extra comfy!

Lends clothes (Vail)/ Borrows clothes (Lei) - This is self explanatory. I already drew Lei in Vail's hoodie. She really likes to "borrow" his clothes, as in, she'll wear them until they don't smell like him anymore and then return them to him XD. I do have this funny quote thing so I headcanon he steals her fuzzy socks. I'll draw that one day :3 But I also think it would be hard for him to borrow her clothes even if they're similar heights because he has a SIZ of 65 (muscle mass) and she has a SIZ of 50 which means she's probably built like a stick XD

Pet names - Vail seems like the type of person who calls people by their name/ what they want to be called. So he would prob call Lei "Lei" which is something she even requests at the end of the campaign! (Before he called her "Doc"). Lei is definitely into pet names though! In the cyberpunk universe she probably calls him "my love" 🥺

Introversion/Extroversion - this one was kinda hard NGL. Lei is def more introverted but she isn't suuuper "Ew people" cuz she is a doctor and forced to interact with people. Because Vail likes to talk/ramble, I put him as slightly more extroverted but he didn't have enough screentime so XD I couldn't confirm this theory. He didn't seem that open to talking with Liam in the campaign but it could have been due to lack of time who knows 😔 By comparison Vail is prob more extroverted than Lei at least.

Affection through words (LEi) / Affection through actions (Vail) - Lei is both LMAO cuz her love language is physical touch. But she also expresses affection through her words! This is especially true because if she doesn't like you she won't even bother talking to you. But if she likes you, she'll say sweet things to you/compliment you AND if she really really likes you she'll be physically affectionate! Vail is def an actions person XD I mean we're talking about the guy who bought her a cat for her birthday. I think sometimes she can feel a bit sadge if he doesn't verbally validate her/ have words of affirmation for her but they work with it 🥺

Confesses first (Lei) / Waits for confession (Vail) - THIS ONE IS CANON LMAOOO. Although the first time they hung out it was him who initiated, she has to make him ask her for dinner XD and then when she said it was date he was like ayo alright XD

Bugs - I feel like they're both capable of bug squashing so I put them around the same level... now I feel like if we want to dig into catboy vail his should be reallyyy far into it but I'm not changing it for now XD maybe in an updated one sometime down the line

Drives car (Vail) / can't drive (Lei) - this is also canon XD Vail drives around bikes so he has to be a decent driver, although I didn't see DRIVE in his invested skills according to the stats the dm gave me so like 🤔🤔 Lei has the base DRIVE of like 20? So I mean she can drive. But it's not great XD I would say she's just not very confident, esp in the slums where people speed a lot. She prob felt safer in the Middle district.

can't cook (Vail) / makes dinner (Lei) - Vail prob never had a chance to learn how to cook and he says "food in the slums generally sucks" XD But Lei is a good cook. I mean she cooks drugs so she has to be good at cooking food too (COPE). I just want her to be a good cook so therefore she is.

PDA - Lei likes PDA! She wants everyone to know who her man belongs to, but I think she'd be more like into handholding and clinging to him. The other stuff she prefers to do in private :3 Although she's def up to giving him cheek kisses here and there. Vail probably doesn't particularly mind, if it makes Lei happy :)

Overprotective / Chillgoing - THIS WAS HARD. Lei is def on the overprotective side, especially when it comes to her loved ones, she gets very desperate. But I mean I would imagine Vail would be protective if she were in danger. But overall he's supposed to be a chill dude so I imagine she's just chill. Like oh you're going to Prism HQ and killing some jerks? I'll come with <- maybe something like this LOL

Relationship experience - It is canon Vail has no relationship exp (like me frfr) but Lei's had 2 relationships in the past, so she has more exp than him.

(WARNING: NSFW IMPLIED) HORNY METER: I feel like they're quite similar in levels of horniness. I think mostly Lei has to initiate because Vail is shy uwu about those types of things. But once he's in the mood and the switch has been flipped... pray for Lei LOL. He will let her have control as much as she wants but if she wants him to dom... it's over for her XD a Runner and their stamina y'know... In my headcanons, he is secretly quite horny just never had the chance to express it. He is a young man after all 😔 But he has really good self control :) His willpower is 70. Lei was not supposed to be super thirsty but she is played by me so.... y'know... some stuff happened XD

AWKWARDNESS METER: Lei isn't super super awkward but there are definitely situations where she has no idea what to do, especially to circumstances that are new to her. For example, needing to learn how to do a runner's job XD that was hard for her. In highschool she was def much more awkward but she's grown out of her shell a little. In terms of this relationship, I imagine she gets awkward because she doesn't quite believe she's in a relationship with him XD (she'd be like "really? Are you sure you want me?" and he's like "yeah we had this convo last week") Vail is pretty chill so I think he's barely awkward. I imagine he's only awkward as he's new to this whole relationship business :)

JEALOUSY METER: Vail is not supposed to get jealous so hence why there's like nothing there for him. I would say he either 1) feels secure in his relationships + trusts Lei and 2) Would want the best for her so if she finds someone that makes her happier than him, he would easily let her go. Lei though... is much more insecure than he is. It's something that I would develop for her if she lives XD in the future, because she is slowly gaining confidence in herself! :) She is a capable woman, she simply needs to realize that. But yeah she's the type to get jealous, if she sees him with women who are prettier and younger than her. But she is lucky because he doesn't

[eoieopda]

re soft asks: actually...... what if i said "all of them." how unhinged would that be (do it)

well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions..... i did this to @moni-logues last week and — uhhhh — i guess i deserve this, lmao.

buckle up, kids.

1, 2, and 3 were just answered here.

4. what flower would you like to be given?

i love, love, love, hydrangeas. idk if that yoongi drabble made that clear, lol.

5. who do you feel most you around?

my older sister and my best friend, IRL. if we're talking internet, @jihopesjoint has proven to be my actual clone in all respects, which is both spooky and incredible. we're like the lindseys lohan from the parent trap except instead of camp, it was tumblr.

6 was answered here.

7. what color brings you peace?

hmmmmmmmm. lilac or mint green. also really deep forest green.

8. tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good. 

i already tagged nicki but ope here she is again: @jihopesjoint. also YOU, @sailoryooons, @here2bbtstrash (though idk if m will see this,) @luaspersona. this is not an exhaustive list!

9. what calms you down?

i don't know if i've ever actually felt truly calm in my entire life?? but the closet i get is driving around with the windows down, listening to music, and drinking a silly little coffee.

10. what’s something you’re excited for?

well, i moved to a new state yesterday and start a new job on monday, so.... a new chapter. the previous one was v ouchie and i'm excited to put down the baggage i've been shouldering.

11. what’s your ideal date?

be honest — is this you asking me out? jk..... unless 👀 (no, i'm kidding.) i never don't want to go to a dive bar, listen to a band, be bad at pool, and laugh until my stomach hurts!!

12 was answered here.

13. what’s your comfort food?

this is so embarrassing and really snitches on my depressive habits, but lately, smuckers uncrustables have been sustaining my whole life. specifically, the strawberry ones. tell me you're struggling without telling me you're struggling!!!!

14. favorite feel-good show?

new girl and schitt's creek are always the first ones i think of when i need to turn my brain off and laugh!

15. for every emoji you get, tag someone and describe them in one word.

you didn't give me any, so i'm just gonna yeet right past this one.

16. compliment the person who sent you this number.

this is gonna sound so dumb because i don't know you in the literal, physical sense, but i'm so fucking proud of you??? i know the gauntlet you're currently going through and it warms my old, dead heart to see that you're not only surviving it, but doing (what looks to be) a really incredible job at holding onto you — your interests, your joy, your hobbies. i wasn't super successful at that. it's hard as fuck, but you're doing the damn thing.

17. fairy lights or LED lights?

HALLOWEEN LIGHTS. LIL LIGHT-UP PUMPKINS. next question.

18. do you still love stuffed animals?

yes, binch! all i have atm is a gigantic raccoon squishmallow that my sister gave me when my life exploded last year and i cling to that shit, lol.

19. most important thing in your life?

my family. my siblings, my parents, my nephews, my dog, and my best friend.

20. what do you want most in the world right now?

the first thing that came to mind is taco bell because i've been craving it for days. but uhhhhh, if we're getting existential here, i want whatever is the emotional equivalent of a deep breath.

21. if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

all you can do is love him hard and let him go.

22. what would you say to your future self?

drink water. seriously, get up and get a glass of water. right now. how are you even alive? lmao.

23. favorite piece of clothing?

an old, beat-up denim jacket that used to be my mom's! she wore it when my parents brought me over from korea, once my adoption was finalized.

24. what’s something you do to de-stress?

🏃🏻‍♀️ run, beautiful, run, yeah, you gotta run 🏃🏻‍♀️

25. what’s the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)

you could give me a pen cap that you chewed on and i'd still be like, omfg, you made this? for me?

but fr, i'm a sentimental bitch, so anything along the lines of "i saw/heard this and thought of you/this thing we did," etc.

26. what movie would you want to live in?

oooh, idk! is it weird if i say the craft, given what happens? i just really wanna be a witch with a bunch of other baddies.

27. which character would you want to be?

....from the movie in 25? or generally? because i'd want to be baby yoda, thottin' and boppin' around with pedro pascal, drinkin my lil drink, and being baby.

28 was answered here.

29. morning, afternoon or night?

morning! i'm an up-and-at-em kinda fella. love having a whole day ahead of me, love a breakfast sandwich, love a sunrise.

30. what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

bon fires, maple syrup, people singing while they cook/work/whatever, getting zooted and then over-competitive while playing egyptian rat screw, being hugged for a laughably long time.

[the-doggy-diaries]

guys little vent i am in between jobs rn i technically have one lined up but the manager will not give me a first day he is never at the store and none of the employees will give me his number they all keep saying they'll tell him and then i never hear anything. i am also having to move out of the house i live in by the end of this month (dec 2023) because all my other roommates are moving out. fucked up thing is they all had a place lined up before they even told me and they all make way more money than me, i found out very end of november too. i keep looking at places and looking into leads but everything is either way too expensive for the wage im used to (not even taking into account the fact that i dont have a job) or the roommates are not at all the demographic i would want to live with. im a 20 year old 5'2" queer afab with facial piercings i do NOT want to live with dudebros in their late 20s/30s who make three times as much as me . i cant even turn to my family they are the reason i had to move out when i wasnt ready because they had been threatening to kick me out for 6 full months before i finally found a place. my mom keeps saying i can leave my stuff at her house if i cant find a place because she doesnt want all my shit sitting in some friend-of-a-friends garage or some shit but she won't offer to let me stay over for a bit until i find a good place again. she's the reason i had to leave when i wasnt ready and didn't have a savings built up and ended up in a house where id come home to 2 of my 3 roommates doing blow in the living room. one of my roommates started bringing a felon into the house after he contacted her immediately after finishing his 6 year sentence because they were dating up until then (when she was 15 and he was 19) . he's friends with people who r in prison for murder. my other roommate constantly bringing home men 10-15 years older than her from the bar until she got a sugar daddy who she ultimately ended things with after he had a foursome with some hookers in vegas while SHE WAS THERE. and then he started sending bouquets to the house bc of course he knows where we live. but even then all that was better than living with my parents bc they were fucking insane. anyways i don't have a place to live next month LMAO and i have 800 bucks to last me til my paycheck that i have no idea when im getting seeing as i got my last paycheck from my old job one week ago today and have not worked a day since bc my new job will not schedule me . OH MY GOD AND ITS MY BOYFRIEND AND MY FIRST XMAS TKGETHER AND I CANT REALLY GET HIM ANYTHING BC I HAVE TO BE SO CAREFUL WITH MY MONEY AND ITS TEARING ME APART I LITERALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[roseriot2191]

Entry 3/Grandma Talk Seshs

instead of going to the 2nd concert venue, i ended up going to my grandma's. she needed help taking some stuff over to value village, and i offered to stop by and use my car since it has a big trunk. afterward, we just talked about stuff. she asked about my ex, and i shot the question down immediately. i just said that we weren't talking. i hated that lmao. i didn't tell anyone in my family about my ex when we were dating, and after we broke up except my grandma. im not out to anyone explicitly, but i dont hide my queerness either. it's definitely a dont ask, dont tell type of situation. anyways, we talked about my grandpa, who i live with. they got divorced 20 some years ago, but they're still good friends. while talking about her and my grandpa, i realized that i relate to a lot of their problems and stuff, but not in a way that i feel more connected and could seek reassurance in my own situation. i think the main barrier that i put up is due to our age gap. one of the topics she started with was how she had a sort of date tonight but wasn't going to go. i thought she should've but didn't try to convince her to go. she was saying that she's starting to really come to terms with her loneliness and being alone in general at 61. im glad that she's coming to terms with her situation, but as guilty and awful as it sounds, i can't let myself end up like her. she wasted so much time on raising my cousin, which i won't get into, but the way she cut people out of her life to do so. and also another thought i had is im sort of scared that i won't come to accept my own loneliness until im old and even more insignificant. lately, due to social get togethers and situations, i thought that i honestly do a lot better when im by myself, and i really do. im more focused on myself and working towards my goals. but im not truly happy by myself. so i find friends and recently tried to date. now im tired of my friends. not in a way that i'd discard them, but i feel like we just aren't good for each other now. and dating didn't go well. like my grandma said tonight "if you put me in a room with 300 people, ill always pick the one thats more damaged than i am and tear myself apart while i try so hard to help and be the best (worse) version i am for that person" and i really see how my family, my mom, my aunt, my uncles, and me. i hate that. why can't i be different and break away from this curse. this tragedy. to love people with everything and to receive nothing. to feel unlovable as a result. anyways, so basically, i know and understand that others can't complete myself, but i can't seem to complete myself either. and i just have to come to terms with it? this is just how it is? that's sucky and shitty. but im 17, so what do i know. time will be the deciding factor, i guess.

we also talked about school and moving. i cant wait to move and be on my own. but again i keep thinking about how lonely that'll feel. its whatever though. she asked if i still wanted to move to portland for school. i told her that i would just move to portland and lie about going to school. she asked why portland then? if youre going to lie about going to the school then you could lie about where you're moving to. i could. i honesty could. i would too. im suppose to move in with my 2 friends but neither of them, though they're serious about moving together, put no effort in finding jobs, saving or discussing the actual factors that go into moving together. we have about two years before we'd move so i know there plenty of time for them to figure it out but i over think everything and feel like i have less time than in actuality. again im 17 and i should know i have so much time to figure this stuff out but i really dont feel like i do.

i'll make another post again later tonight, probably, with a lighter and fun topic, hopefully. talk to you again soon.

[adayinthelifeofb]

Welcome to my life.

Hi everybody (anybody...) !

Opening this blog was a big step for me. I have been thinking of doing it for a couple of weeks now but I couldn't find the courage. I wanna introduce myself a little, even if no one ever sees this post.

Hello, I am B, 24 years old, I have two ginger cats (my baby on my profile pic). I've dealt with anxiety my entire life, I am diagnosed with BPD since I was 17, no medication, no therapy (lmao I need it). Also diagnosed with ADHD since I was like 5, unmedicated again (lmaoooo). I dealt with severe depression for an entire decade, from 2009 to 2020 (11 to 22). I got out of it (unmedicated too, listen, I said I was a mess). I dealt with alcoholism when I was 17 (2015), got sober, on my one year anniversary I used drugs for the first time and became heavily addicted to speed (early 2017). I heavily relied on it for 4 years, greatest love of my life, helped me stay alive. Got to my breaking point on February 9th 2021 and I celebrated my 2 years anniversary last month !!! Hardest thing I've ever done. Haven't popped a single pill since.

I was an anorexic during my addiction, everything turned around food consumption, calories burning. Would only eat once a week for months at a time, on and off for 4 years. When I stopped using, I started binge eating. The past two years have been uncontrollable for me. The first year, I went in a state of mind where it was better stuffing my face rather than popping a pill. I gained 100 lbs in the process, in 12 months. Not even exagerating. I gained another 20 lbs during the second year. Two weeks ago, I said enough was enough. I was at 119.5 kgs. I started doing these 2 videos on youtube, cardio for plus size people, 20 minutes. I did 7 sessions in 11 days. Let's see how it's gonna go !!

I have a boyfriend, my soulmate, the love of my life. I met him summer 2017. It has been a rocky relationship to say the least. When we met, he was more of an addict than I ever have been. We were a couple after 5 days, moved in after 3 weeks. He got clean late 2018. He has been my anchor ever since we met. He is my biggest emotional support. Every year our couple is getting stronger and stronger, every year is better than the last. I don't know how I'd survive without him in my life. He was/still is my first ever boyfriend/relationship. I've never wanted to pursue dating, until I met him, I was 19, he was 20. He was the same, never had a girlfriend either. Going through mindless, unemotional sex with unknown faces. When we met, we both knew. We were made to be together. It was hard but I would do it all over again and again and again.

I graduated high school in 2014 at 16, I never did anything else with my life. Only worked at shitty fast food jobs that made me wanna die. I went back to school last august, in Infography. Found out it wasn't my place after 3 months, pursued Secretary instead. Started February 28th. I've been doing amazing so far.

I have a very small family. It's only my mom and sister. I have a brother but he lives very far away, we didn't stay in contact. My mom lives a couple hours away from me, she has preschool twin boys and she takes care of my grampa who has dementia since christmas 2019. My sister lives in another continent with her girlfriend since 2018, we keep in touch daily but she only comes around once a year for a few weeks.

Long post, but kinda explain every aspect of my life I could possibly write about in my future posts. I actually can't wait to start talking to myself ! This post got me all excited !!