#and then be like “huh? shouldnt there be more?”
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It's so bizarre to go to @flyingtacoturtle11 's blog and see that her last post was the same one she posted like four days ago and realize that maybe all people aren't quite as online as you
#its like ill get a notif thag she posted something#go click it like the post yadada#go to her blog and see that tbe most recent post besides this one was so long ago (two days)#and then be like “huh? shouldnt there be more?”
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most inconsequential, borderline inadmissible piece of evidence for "scc Know Things similarly to seam/the secret bosses" theory. them repping their own Real Life merchandise
was looking at my shirt thinking 'its funny to me that sweet and capn are Just purple and gold but kk had to be like 'idc if it throws off the color scheme I Want To Be Green'. then i thought 'well he doesn't actually know about the shirt bc it's a piece of real life merchandi-' And Then I Remembered The Newsletter Art.
#i love them. they make me ill. etc#deltarune#scc#i feel like they Know Things and are just Kinda Unbothered abt it. oh another universe huh. both video games huh. can you show us the osts#i would like to make a bwtter more comprehensive post on this theory bc realized they have the some of the ost to hand post-game#atleast 1/3 are songs they Werent Around For and shouldnt reasonably have bc theyre Not Diagetic
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not saying the holocaust wasn't bad. but i need people to understand that it wasn't the only genocide that happened in the same period of world history. not because i want you to pay less attention to holocaust but because i need you to ask why it's the only one we ever talk about. it wasn't the longest occured massacre of a marginalized group, it wasn't the most gruesome, it wasn't the one with the most casualties, it wasn't the first and it wasn't the last one. i need people to think about why we didn't pay much attention to all the other holocausts after WWII that happened simultaniously and were just as horrible. it says so much about media, the news we are fed, and that our empathy is BOUGHT by the same people that keep funding genocides all over the world.
#i didn't grow up in the west-#-so everytime i watch a movie where the characters comically try to avoid saying the word 'nazi' because it's so offensive i'm like.... huh#how are you as an american suggest that being a nazi is the most evil thing a human can be but describe america as the land of the brave?#for many people hitler is the face of evildoing but every single european leader at the time engaged in similar activities#and this is not to say we shouldnt condemn nazis or whatever. god no#i get a lot of asks (some very rude by the way) from people who think i'm an antisemite because i'm... muslim?#dunno how yall think that makes sense but no. i learned about the holocaust from my very muslim mother.#who then gavw me anne frank's diary to read#holocaust has always been a topic we talked about at home. it had a lot tell about the western world#but we didn't have the same 'dont speak of it or you'll get cancelled' type of mindset#i believe that's because it wasn't the only genocide we learned and talked about#it holds so much weight in the western world because you think it's this very out of the blue thing that happened only once in history.#that tells even more about the western world#thoughts#freepalestine#free palestine#free congo#free sudan#free uyghurs#boycott israel
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#ok dude if my boss tries asking me one more time if im pregnant im gonna start throwing hands#i should have thrown hands the first goddamn time#i called in sick ONE day bc i had a terrible cold and she somehow took that as i must be not feeling well bc im pregnant????#ive never talked about having kids i dont want kids i am not pregnant and its NONE OF HER BUSINESS#shes insane#and then she asked me another day if i planned on having kids and i said no and she was like oh well theyre going to have to#let in more immigrants to make up for the kids you dont have#like?????? huh?#i said ok let em sounds great#and then she said well u better hope there will be robots to take care of u when ur older#as if her piece of shit son is gonna take care of her#and i said if the only reason to have kids is to make them take care of u when ur old then thats a terrible reason and im not doing it#she didnt like either of my answers and shut up real quick#and left it alone but then today she walks in the door and in front of the whole room asks again if im pregnant#like WHAT???? ur my boss u shouldnt be nagging me abt this shit#esp in light of. recent events#but just WTF???#im so done#rant#life with shannon#does anybody else have this fucking problem????
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losing my mind so bad rn i wanna do things i literally cannot say on other platforms bc i will get banned or something.
#ghost talk#broke my self harm streak#wanted to do worse tbh but didnt#but god the thoughts dont leave huh#and my mother oh gods#why cant she leave me alone?#everything is so much worse when she gets involved even sligjtly#slightly*#but goddamn i just got back from ✨vacation✨#i shouldnt be feeling like i want to slit my wrists and overdose yk#and yet here i am#and with nobody to talk to because whats therapy?#friends? yea i guess i have them. but they dont talk to me and. actually bringing this shit up is a whole other thing that i cant do#i dont trust my siblings because theyre snitches at best. so. its really just me and. whatever i can stand to say to my partner#before my stomach bubbles over and i feel to sick to continue the conversation#you know?#i could say so much more but i'll spare the tags the details#just. been a bad couple of days i guess#mental health? who's that?#sigh
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daniel has genuinely never been more hateful to me than now saying that shit abt the simply lovely thing. and u have to keep in mind he lost mclaren a p3 and p4 respectively in the championship 2 years in a row
#maybe u dont know max as well as lando does have u thought abt that#almost like max ALWAYS names lando as his best friend on the grid. wheres danny boy in all this <3 nowhere near huh#anyways daniel shouldnt be allowed to comment on lando OR max he got decimated by both. more decisively by lando tho#like oh i wonder why daniel thinks max holds resentment over lando. almost like YOU are still pressed
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i think mei fan should get to speak cantonese
#no reason for this other than i want her to#michiru after mei fan gets off the phone with her family: you shouldnt yell at your parents like that :(#mei fan: huh?? what??? it was a normal conversation???#listen i just want more canto characters#revue starlight#moon.txt
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people will go all "just be yourself and love yourself! :)" and then go "if you don't act the way i want, you gotta reprogram your entire way of thinking then reach into the very core of who you are and what makes you you, discard it, and replace it with this better, friendlier, more empathetic version that's coincidentally far more convenient for me to deal with than any other possible compromise we can make that you can do for me but doesn't stretch your mind to nothing but thin bands of what you'd consider 'You' :))))))"
#mine.txt#just thinking about all those 'think positively!' and 'romanticize your life!' posts#like on one hand i can see their merit cause self-hatred though instinctual is ultimately detrimental to your mental health#but on the other hand...some of them (a lot of them) are really just unashamedly asking other people to completely change themselves huh#all in the guise of ''positive thinking'' ''self-love'' and ''betterment'' no less#i suppose i shouldnt be surprised considering most people can barely grasp the concept of someone who Genuinely has muted emotions#as a natural state instead of a depressive symptom#not to mention the human quality of escalating things#so ofc tumblr which seems to currently be in its mental health recovery phase would naturally lean in so hard towards ''radical happiness''#but man sometimes i really do just wanna shake the person from behind the screen and say#'no! dont you understand! this is just how i am! stop implying that everybody who doesnt feel joy at simply waking up is a miserable hag!'#sometimes they dont even imply it they just straight up say it 💀#im honestly fine (as in idc) with seeing them but they remind me so much of those toxic positivity bitches that sell you random hoaxes#and tell you that youre ''ruining their vibes'' when youre not just beaming like the sun every waking second#well idc most of the time that is#sometimes they just trigger my szpd (and my dpd weirdly enough)#with the szpd obviously i dont like being told what to do and what to feel and having some rando assume things about me#but with the dpd its like#oh i must be doing something wrong ofc this stranger on the internet knows more about emotions and feelings than me#cause im a dumbass who doesnt Feel things therefore i must do what they say even to my own detriment#this mainly applies to those guilt-trippy ones so ive learned to steer clear of them#possibly even block the op
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I SHOULD HAVE GONE INTO RADIOOOOOOOO
#the only benefit of art school is MY FRIENDS!!! maybe i would be better at art now if i hadnt gone bc i could have kept it as a hobby...#but i do love everything i have learned. i really do. unfortunately i think more than anything i am just bad at existing and doing things#i used to be able to do things. in high school. existing i still wasnt good at doing that there either. but at least i did things on my own#and at the time felt i was good at them. now im just bad at existing and doing things and do nothing worthwhile that i love anymore#oh it sucks to have this realization every other day. to just know you are very bad at what you wanted to do so badly. and just feel like#all you can do is give up on it. i know i shouldnt. but it's very hard not to want to. when you see everyone else around you getting better#and still doing art on their own time. and you see your own stuff and realize you have gotten worse. dont progress. and cant even do it as#hobby anymore. when you see how far behind you are from everyone else and see how your work has lost confidence it just sucks badly. yknow#i wish my brain worked better desperately bc i do think that is part of it. but im just lazy. and bad at this. and have no drive for anythi#im not very good at any of this overall. and it makes me sad. im the only thing in my way of what i want but i dont know how to move forwar#oh well. one day something better will come my way if im lucky. if i do better. one day i'll do better. i hope. i really really hope.#static.soundz#vent.txt#SORRY i got whiney and self pitying in my tags even though i said i wouldnt well unfortunately I Am Not Strong and need to make posts#bc this is my diary where i say everything ever good and bad beneficial and detrimental bc what else should i be doing with this blog huh
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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group
#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever#im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point#and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn#selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too#we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right#get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure#what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye#AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care#she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us#what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not#taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg#just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg#why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend#and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic#and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc#but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever#if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die#sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP#id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh#post#nickpost#will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1#i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it#sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh#nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone#living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh#adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway#its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her#bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships
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last night i was poking around in my mouth as u do and i reached back where i had always felt this hard thing w my tongue for awhile now but was like ah maybe it's just like. my gums being inflamed in the back or smthn BUT,, no i poked that thing with my fingernail n it is a tooth that is a whole ass wisdom tooth
#NO WONDER... MY JAW IS IN PAIN ALMOST ALL THE TIME.... HUH..#i wonder if that period where i literally couldnt move my jaw from the pain for like a week was when it was emerging#otherwise the pain is like not awful. not bad enough it's noticeable u know im used to it i have so many aches n pains in my body naturally#like my entire head has a constant ache. if u touch my cheekbones ill drop my head like a cat into ur hand dude it is .#it's like the most relieving ache . like u have just lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. and it's been that way since i was a kid#i think i googled if thats what it was before n they were like no if it were your wisdom tooth youd know :) it would hurt u so bad#which i despise btw because this means nothing to me BHJAH.... like they said the same thing when i broke my foot the nurse that did intake#i was a kid & she was like dont worry if it were broken youd know and you wouldnt have walked in here on it ... fellas . it was broken#& i could never see anything when i looked in the mirror#but it's just because it's slightly covered by like swollen gums back there which i always thought was just because i chewed too hard#but.#no i guess it;s because something was erupting like an alien#i used my lil pokey tool to squish em out of the way and i can see it#it's so weird just having a tooth u know u shouldnt#like i . i want to just grab it i want to just hold it in my hand#why does it have to be so securely in place whihc is something i wouldnt never say for my other teeth HJBA#i am not going 2 have it removed any time soon im .#i have wanted to go to the dentist my whole life but i am too scared#esp w the damage from my ed and depression im so embarrassed#i honestly want to though#there is nothing that would make me feel more like an actual person then to just. get a cleaning#get my maintenance done LMAO#i do my best at home but u kno#i use an electric spinning toothbrush i floss i use mouthwash i do it all 2 try n handle what damage there already is#but it still would do wonders for my mental health and oral health#apparently partial impactions which is what i have can be really bad n get infected so . aha...h. 👍:).. ..h.
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do any other autistic trans ppl have this experience when getting on hrt where ur like..... trans-ness and ur autistic hatred of change are at war with each other a little bit? bc IM having that rn and its an experience for sure!!
obviously my body and stuff starts changing on hrt and when it started becoming more noticable there was that part of my brain that haaaaates when things change that just went "HEY NOW WHATS GOING ON HERE?????? NO NO NO!!!! WE CANT BE HAVING THIS!!! CHANGE???. IN MY HOME???? NUH UH!!! NO WAY!!!! PACK IT UP BUDDY"
which was unexpected. cause yknow i expected to be pretty excited seeing changes! even small ones!! (And i am! esp since i had to increase my dosage bc my og one wasnt doing much) but i forgot abt the part of my brain that freaks out whenever anything changes. silly me!!
#trans#autism#transgender#idk how to tag things i fucking never do sjdbxbbf#but anyways OBVIOUSLY its something i will get over!#bc clearly the decision to go on hrt was one i like thought abt a lot#yknow it was an informed decision i weighed my options on and decided i really wanted#yadda yadda etc etc i shouldnt have to explain thay hopefully#but just like any other change my brain freaks out abt#i will simply just have to give it time to adjust and things will calm down#it is just an added part of my own personal transition journey as an autistic transmasc i suppose!#im not like upset or distressed in any way to be clear its just like thoughts im noticing#and going HUH wasnt expecting that! about#like im overall just vibing#but fr we can chill abt being stinky and having more upper lip hair i prommy brain <3
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🪼. .
#ignore ignore im just talking dont worry about me scroll away#but for me#i think worse than feeling ugly is feeling genuinely stupid#i mean feeling ugly is also not feeling very nice right now of course#but still#i feel like i have to try like 40% harder than other people just to understand certain things#i shouldnt have to retake several classes more than once it's wasteful and foolish and proves i am not meant to be here#im glad i realized now at least i shouldnt go to medical school it would kill me#it's not even just school conversations with people are lost on me so often i feel like i cant keep up with people#and i joke about it with friends and family that i'm a little slow and can't manage a lot of adult responsibilities#but this is really what i think makes me feel unlovable and useless#i feel like i have to constantly fake being smarter than i am#and its silly but i think about how im so attracted to men and characters that are super smart and sharp and i feed into my silly fantasies#and then realize they wouldnt ever give me another glance after more than an hour of conversation#i try really hard but it always seems to fall short idk#gosh my period is always just pulling up my deepest and most painful insecurities before she makes her appearance huh ghjfhkl😭#lord i need to go to sleep i bet when i wake up ill have forgotten ever typing this and feel completely fine 💗
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people headcanoning a character as aro literally does nothing to you. it is a Headcanon. it will not affect anything in your life. it changes nothing we're just fandoming same as you are. youre still free to ship away and it wont affect canon either because do you know how few canonically aro characters we have. shut the fuck up honestly
#why are you feeling attacked what is this doing to you huh#huhhhhh#hm#we have NOTHING i think we're allowed to have headcanons at least like everyone else does#its not all stereotypes im just. grrrr#neurodivergency and aspec go hand in hand. most people hc your faves as both. including me as i am also autism aspec.#just bc a character is cold and hced as aro doesnt automatically mean its a stereotype. if someone allo only hcs 'unfeeling' chars as aro#thats just somewhere to educate#you cannot tell aro people how they should and shouldnt be#with something that is LITERALLY JUST PERSONAL OPINIONS AT THAT#we are allowed to feel upset if a character who seemed like they wouldnt get forced into romanfe#does#just. stop. im annoyed#we are queer too your gay hc is also just a hc nothign is threatening anyone it has no effect#but interpreting characters that way can feel validating and be a way to explore yourself too yk#idk how to word this better im tired. in more ways than one
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ok . i think i need to stop reblogging mean posts now
#none as of recently but ive been catching myself more like.#oh the tone of this particular post is actually. pretty passive aggressive isnt it.. for something that shouldnt b a big deal?#its okay to be annoyed by something but some people take that feeling and make it everyone elses personal problem#which. if i've ever encouraged that by rbing i Dont wanna do anymore#.docx#huh. this one was long in the tags
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why do the secret walls in quake bleed when you hit them.
#quake#pikspeak#like from a game dev perspective it makes sense#they want to add some visual effect to let you know that hitting the wall has done something#so they just go yeah lets change the impact particle effect#and what particle effect do they have on hand? the blood particles of course. gotta reuse assets to save memory.#so they just slap that on there and whaddya know! the games design theme is already lovecraftian nightmare so why shouldnt the walls bleed?#it fits perfectly!#but like from a story perspective?#ranger punches a seemingly random wall and it *bleeds.* and before he can figure out how the heck to respond to that#the wall shifts and writhes and curls away from his fist and conveniently reveals a hidden passage#the wall bleeds and is alive and feels pain so that it crawls away from him to keep from being injured more#was it always a secret door? was it replaced with a living wall when quake invaded?#or was the hallway just an ordinary hallway and quake placed the blood-filled wall there to hide it?#and what exactly is going on in rangers head to make him think 'hm yes i should swing my axe at every single wall in case it Bleeds :)'#huh maybe im going to write a short fic later about that.
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