#and then actively chose to date him

[canichangemyblogname]

I want it to be clear that the supposed “inevitability” of a ship is what often strips m/m fanfiction ships of queerness. (Things like, it’s “bound” to happen, it’s “end game,” it’s “gonna” happen, [but after, of course, the women are out of the way; this can only happen if there are no women])

In the minds of many straight people, especially heteropessimists, and a heterosexist society, there is an inevitability to relationships. Men and women “inevitably” end up together unless circumstances prevent or compel otherwise. This is considered “natural,” “self-evident,” and the “norm” (this is also a feature of compulsory heterosexuality).

For many in the 911 fandom, Buck and Eddie seem to get together because they’ve run out of girlfriends, as they’ve all been fridged, or because their friendship would “naturally” lead to this “end-stage.”

(I want to note: Men who are into men don’t choose to date a man because there are no women available [like fridging the girlfriends]; they date men because they like men and there are men they like available. I know there’s this weird hetero trope that men aren’t picky & they’ll date whomever, so I need to correct the record: men don’t date just anyone they come across. A man’s not going to be into someone b/c that person’s simply there or convenient. Men do choose to date the people they do because they are attracted to them in some way.)

It is not “inevitable” that Buck will “take it slow” (“do it right,” in his mind) and eventually marry a long-term, serious, monogamous girlfriend. It is also no more “inevitable” that he will start fucking his best friend. And it was certainly not narratively inevitable that he would end up with Tommy as he has.

Queer people make the active decision to live as their authentic selves. They will themselves to reject heteronormative tropes and live in a way that says, “No, your norms are not inevitable or natural or self-evident; I will live differently and love differently in a way you will never see as socially valid.” This is part of why queerness is political.

And this is why I think the Buck & Tommy storyline has been pretty lovely so far. Buck goes out of his way to try and get to know Tommy and then tells him to his face that he likes him and wants to spend time with him. Those are conscious decisions. And after they kiss? He agrees to a date. He makes the active decision to go on a date with a man; to pursue this feeling he has. In that moment, he decided that he will live his life, he will be himself and pursue what feels right for him, and in the process he will reject norms forced upon him like comphet. So, I really hope that this season continues to reveal to the audience what Buck finds attractive in men and in Tommy, specifically, as it already has a little (he likes Tommy’s dimples, for example) and as he comes into his sexuality.

Hot take? A show with queer people in it from the beginning was never queerbaiting and— very literally and technically— never could. In the first episode, a gay man comes out to his family. And he doesn’t stop being gay after that; it’s a major plot point and part of his character going forward. You’ve had a married lesbian couple from the jump who are proud and unapologetic about their love for each other. The story has also portrayed several queer couples and stories in episodic plots, including featuring queer weddings.

Buck didn’t suddenly “become” bi. Queerness is not when straight people “turn” queer. He has been attracted to men the entire time; he has always been bi. Understanding yourself and your sexuality as a queer person is often so difficult under heteronormativity. Sometimes, it takes time.

Hell— Buck checking a guy out some time in season 3 or getting flustered by the idea he might like a guy, etc, etc, are not even examples “queerbaiting,” nevermind how the show already features queer stories.

I genuinely think some of y’all are just mad that he’s not sucking face with the man you want him to, and are being weirdly homophobic about it. “Buck kissing this man is kinda off-putting, lmao.” “Buck and his bf’s relationship is awkward. IDK, but it weirds me out.” “There’s something so cringe about Buck’s relationship—” “Who dates someone they haven’t been friends with for years first? It’s kinda creepy…” “I think their relationship is a weird mess. It’s not as meaningful as a slow burn.”

Life isn’t fanfiction and fanfiction tropes don’t make good writing. Most relationships start out with a “hey, I’m interested in you, let’s get to know each other.” You’re just transparently uncomfortable with two men expressing that interest in each other outside the arbitrary rules you’ve established to make a mlm relationship “legitimate” or “meaningful.”

[Fanfiction] tropes— from “there’s only one bed” to “we’re forced together, but fall in love anyway”— are responses to the sex-negativity and purity culture norms forced upon gender and sexual minorities. They provide a workaround for these norms but never a direct challenge. It’s like the Family Guy episode “Prick Up Your Ears,” where conservative Christian abstinence-only sex education leads to kids having ear sex. Ear sex is the workaround to the abstinence and purity rules they’d been taught, not the challenge. We still have stringent rules around who can touch whom and under what circumstances. Tropes reflect this. So, a trope like “there’s only one bed” provides the characters with a justification for their intimacy without directly challenging why it is taboo.

You’ve convinced yourself that shipping— and thus the tropes it employs— is more subversive than actual representation, and the people caught in the crossfire are actual queer people.

Also— for the love of fuck— stop comparing every mlm relationship to RW&RB.

[blossoms-phan]

rewatching dil gets spooky and it’s sooo comforting and nostalgic ugh I’ve been rewatching all the spooky gaming and baking videos but just old sims party hosting is so fun

[parfaitblogs]

hard times ❀ s. reid x reader

in which spencer reid doesn’t follow through one time, and you really hate that he has a psychology degree.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: hurt/comfort tags: daddy issues. shoutout to the girls with inconsistent fathers this ones for you. established relationship. readers mentioned wearing makeup, a dress and heels. rational bf!spencer reid fuck i would hate a profiler bf. word count: 1.8k a/n: not a trauma dump fic not a vent fic do not read into this fic at all don't even start to speculate on my life and where these emotions came from they're all fake made up not real make pretend. no photos no aesthetics just me, a tumblr account, and a dream for this baddie.

In all your months of dating Spencer Reid, he had never forgotten anything. Not a date, not a work event. Or, at least, he's never forgotten to call. Even when you had been so busy one week you could barely spare him more than a ten minute phone call a day, he remembered what was going on in your life enough to be there for you. 

A false blanket of security draped over your relationship, is what it is now. 

A blanket he seemingly had no trouble ripping off you a random Friday evening, throwing it in a fire and watching it — and your trust in him — burn into dust. 

Perhaps a tad dramatic for what was happening, but you were always one for theatrics when it came to your emotions. Usually, he welcomed it. He was (abashedly) similar, after all.

Not that he was even here to welcome it. 

You'd looked pretty. You'd felt pretty. Past tense, for your shoes were strewn somewhere across the floor after throwing them in frustration, and your makeup was ruined after unwelcome tears had streamed down your face an hour ago. You had been ready for a dinner date you and Spencer had scheduled in only three days ago — penciled in, for you never knew what his work schedule was going to end up being.

You're not sure how long you sat in that one spot on the couch, mind going through every single possible scenario that could've happened between the text he sent you that morning saying he was excited to go out tonight, and the lack of his appearance this evening. 

The logical conclusion is that he got too busy, and he forgot. But Spencer Reid's whole thing is that he doesn't forget. Oftentimes he considers it a curse. You never really agreed with him. Until now, it seemed. 

The less than logical, emotionally driven conclusion, is that he actively chose to stay at work to avoid coming home because he didn't want to see you. Or he didn't actually want to go to dinner, and he didn't know how to tell you. Or his team offered to go out and he'd rather hang out with them instead of you. 

Really, the reasons are endless, and any rational conclusion was lost on you. Mind swallowing you whole as you continued to stare off into space, visibly shaking and head beginning to pound from the crying.

A glance at the clock told you it was near midnight by the time you heard the door handle rattle and twist open, tired, puffy eyes blinking to adjust to the light filtering in from the apartment hallway. 

"Hey. Why're you out here? It's late. I thought you'd already be in bed," Spencer rambles absentmindedly, voice so disconnected from you it only made the ache in your chest worse. As he flicks the light on and assesses the state of the apartment, he asks, "What're your shoes doing on the floor?"

You blink a few times. Was he pretending to be dumb on purpose? 

You stand on cramped legs, stretching them for the first time since you'd sat unknowingly on the couch nearly six hours ago, dress bunching around your waist. You didn't bother to fix it. 

Like a switch, he clicks, his bag sliding off his shoulder and falling to the floor with a thud, realisation settling into his features. 

"Our date. Oh, God, I'm so sorry, angel."

"Yeah. I'm sure," you croak, voice hoarse as you pick up your shoes pathetically in front of him, the heels clacking together as you walk towards your bedroom door. 

He calls your name, and after you make no effort to return to him, you hear his feet against the wooden flooring, carrying himself to you.

You're in the ensuite, beginning to take makeup off you probably should've removed four hours ago. It was stupid hope you held on to, anyways. 

"You're upset. I know. It was awful of me to forget our date," he stands in the doorway, staring at you through the mirror. Even indirectly, you can't make eye contact with him. 

"You forgot," you repeat back to him, almost dumbfounded. "You forgot?"

"Forgot isn't... the best word," his fingers dig into his eyes for a split second, and you watch him think. "I got caught up at work. We had a case, then we didn't have a case, then we did, so we started looking into it, and time just... escaped. From all of us."

"Time just escaped."

Your parroting wasn't doing much to further the conversation, and you watch as Spencer averts his gaze to the floor to take a deep breath, before his eyes land back on you again.

"It isn't the best reason, I know. But it's the truth," he says. 

"Uh-huh," you mumble, discarding your cotton pads stained with your makeup into the trash. 

"Can you stop being evasive?" he catches your wrist before you can return to the sink. "Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" you ask, almost earnestly. "It's okay that you forgot, Spencer. I won't take it personally at all, and things between us are just dandy!"

"I want to know what you're actually feeling," he replies, voice flat with his irritation, before he forces himself to soften it. "I can't reassure you if all I know is that you're angry."

"Hurt. Forgotten. Disregarded. Disliked. Irritated we're doing this in our fucking bathroom."

At that, he leads you into the bedroom, turning the ensuite light off. "Forgotten and disregarded are synonyms, so I'm assuming that's what you feel the most."

"You're the psyche expert," you mumble, bitterly.

"I'm not trying to be your psyche expert," he quips, and your heart sinks. "Why're you feeling forgotten?"

You stare at him, dumbfounded, for a beat. "Because my boyfriend quite literally forgot about me?"

"I didn't forget about you—"

"—No, you're right. You just forgot about the date that you literally fucking texted me about this morning!" you snap, voice rising in a way that makes you cringe. Yet, you can't stop it. "You! Spencer Reid! Forgot!"

"Don't yell at me, please," he takes a step towards you; you take a step back. 

"Why did you forget? Did you choose to? Are you pretending that you forgot about it all to save your ass?"

"No," he pinches the bridge of his nose. "I didn't. I told you what happened. You're choosing not to believe me."

"How am I meant to believe that? It's a shit excuse—"

"—It's the truth—"

"—God, you can lie, Spencer! Men lie!" 

He goes silent, as do you. You become trapped in an uncomfortably intense staring contest with him, as you watch his brain slowly tick over and decipher what you were saying, and come up with a response. Yours, however, splits open with your own self hatred. Disdain for what you had just said to him.

"Okay," he exhales, very slowly. "I'm going to tell you what I think, and you can tell me how right I am."

"You're going to profile me?"

He pauses. "I'm sure it'll come off that way. I'm not trying to," when you don't protest again, he continues. "I think you're less upset about the fact that I didn't come home for a date, and more about the fact that I didn't message you about it. I've not shown up for dates before. I've always contacted you prior to let you know. And I've promised I would always contact you if something came up that interfered with our plans. Ultimately, I said I would do something, and I didn't follow through. That is on me, and I'm sorry. What isn't on me, is how you're reacting. Which is childish, honey. You're acting like a petulant child, and I don't mean that as an insult, because I'm almost certain I know why."

Your silence is his cue to continue, but he pauses to collect his thoughts. Your lower lip is beginning to wobble, and he feels awful.

"You know how our childhoods affect us," he says, and the second what he's about to say to you clicks in your brain, your teeth clamp over your lip, and your eyes drop to the ground. "Reactions from parents to things we do, things others do, things they do, all builds up in our subconscious. Having a parent who didn't show up for you time and time again, built up in your subconscious. So yes, you're reacting to me not following through with something childishly. I will not take that back. But that reaction is not your fault. It's in response to a trigger, and the person in control of that emotional response is not adult you. It's the little girl who got let down by her father. I won't ever hold that against you."

Your sniffle breaks the deafening silence that follows his tangent. You allow him to envelop you into a hug, at which you break down into a fit of sobs akin to the ones from earlier. 

"I hate you," you stutter out in between sobs, voice muffled by his chest. 

"You can't say that while hugging me," he counters. It was true, as your hands had wrapped around his waist just seconds ago.

"I hate you," you repeat, punctuating your words with a poke to his back. 

"I love you," he replies, instead. His fingers thread through your hair as he cradles your head with his other hand. "I'm sorry I didn't contact you about being busy."

You swallow the lodged sob in your throat with a hiccup. "I'm sorry I acted like a petulant child. And I'm sorry that my dad sucks."

"I'm sorry your dad sucks too," you feel him kiss the top of your head. "Have you eaten?"

"Mm-mm," you shake your head, and he pulls back, hands slipping down to your cheeks, catching the tears. 

"Do you want to eat?"

"The restaurant we were going to is closed," you mumble.

"Maybe. But the Thai place isn't."

"I'm pretty sure it is," you counter, and his eyebrows furrow. "It's past midnight now."

His face falls, he waits a beat, before his hand drops to your own, and he's tugging you towards the door of the bedroom. "Okay. Fine. Well, the Spencer Reid Kitchen is never closed."

"I asked for pasta last night and you said the kitchen was closed."

"You asked at three in the morning," he deadpans, as you make yourself comfortable on one of the stools. 

"The Spencer Reid Kitchen is never closed," you mock his voice from earlier.

"The Spencer Reid Kitchen rules are made by Spencer Reid."

"The rules should be lenient of Spencer Reid's girlfriend."

"Do you want pasta or not?"

"Yes," you quickly say with a firm nod. "Sorry."

He spends the first hour of that Saturday making you pasta; and making up the missed date.

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡

[cherry-hulu]

— Sex or chocolate?

Synopsis: Mingyu kissing your pain away.

Warnings: Stepbro!KMG x stepsis!reader, aphrodisiac chocolates (yk the ones that can be bought online), extremely sheltered and innocent reader, READER IS 20, age gap, oral (f receiving), dubious consent, reader is a virgin. don't like = don't read.

A/N: Fantasies are fantasies. Sexual activities must only occur between two consenting partners of legal age and of legal relation.

It all started with chocolates. You pulling all nighters to review during exam week wasn't anything new for your family, especially for Mingyu who would catch your butt sticking out of the fridge in the middle of the night as you look for something to snack on. The urge to slap your cheeks was strong especially because of how jiggly it was, but he couldn't risk your mom walking in on it by chance.

Having been raised by a mother who's been betrayed by many men, you grew up to be extremely sheltered not knowing a clue about anything sexual. The only sex education you knew were the ones taught in school. You knew nothing of sex positions, kinks, and even why the number 69 was so funny to teenage boys. Not that you weren't smart, you were top of your class, you knew everything about anything— except for sex.

Mingyu found out about this pretty quickly when he and his friends were cracking dirty jokes one after the other, boisterous laughs filling the room, and you just sat there with your head tilted sideways, eyebrows furrowed, confused on what was so funny for them to become like hyenas.

Your mom and his dad had been dating for a little over a year before reaching marriage. You had not met each other prior to their engagement, with Mingyu occupied with his work and you with college. Nonetheless, you knew of their relationship and didn't mind it.

Your mother trusted you with Mingyu, always having him babysit you whenever they were away and busy with their own selves. And you trusted Mingyu, he was your brother after all. Albeit not by blood, but still your family.

Mingyu was always so kind and considerate to you, always giving into your request and providing you with what you wanted. At first you feared that he would be cold to you because of the age gap between the two of you and also due to his stern demeanor, but the truth is that he was just a giant cuddly teady bear.

He would always buy you snacks for your exams, specifically chocolates because it was your favourite. You've have a thing for tasting new things, so the ones he would buy for you would be different each time. You chose a bar on a whim, excited for what flavours it brings.

They tasted good most of the time, but the one you chose this time was special.. and weird. It only had three squares of chocolate inside each one cut in half diagonally, and upon lifting the chocolate, an illustration of an.. eggplant.. was etched behind the chocolate.

All three boxes were different, one had an eggplant, the other had water..? And the last one had peaches. You gasp as you saw the illustration of the fruit. One of your most favorite fruits were peaches, you haven't had one in a while because your mom claims that 'you eat them too quickly' and that 'too much of it will not be good.'

Curious to what the flavor might be, you quickly unwrap it from it's plastic and at the whole lot of it's diagonal cut only leaving the other half in case anyone might want a try.

As you chew the chocolate, you tilt your head in confusion, it tasted just like any other chocolate and there was no hint of peaches on it. You were tempted to take the other half to give it a second try, but your alarm was already ringing letting you know your break was done.

Quickly putting the chocolate back in the fridge, you rush back upstairs to continue your session. Not even a few minutes back in to your lesson, you were starting to feel squimish and hot. You could feel a wet patch forming on your panties as you hear it squelch every time you rub your thights together.

It seemed like it was the only way to relieve the ache. Starting to become bothered and concerned, you rush to Mingyu's home office and knock on the door. You were staying over at his house for the meantime while your parents were on vacation.

Mingyu opens the door, he was wearing his specs, a black shirt that hugged his body perfectly, and gray sweatpants. "Gyu.. I don't feel good.. I feel like I'm going to get sick.." You whimper with a pout on your lips.

Mingyu looks at you concerned and pulls you into a hug, resting your face on his chest. "Oh baby.. where does it hurt? How bad is it?" He asks.

"Down there.. it's really uncomfortable.." You whisper looking down on the floor giving into his hug. A sly dirty smirk etches on Mingyu's face as you spoke. He didn't bought those for you, it was supposed to be for him and his fubu to try. But he was not at all complaining.

Mingyu was a sick and fucked up man. He knew that, he was aware of that. He tries to be as lawful as possible, but it was ludicrous when it comes to you. You were the girl of his fantasies. Sweet, cute, innocent. Everything he'd ever dream of. And now he had you. He was a man of opportunities, when he sees it, he takes it and he always almost never regrets it.

Which brings you to now: you laying on your back on his bed, legs spread apart, with him in the middle as he rubs over your skimpy shorts. "Hurts here baby?" He asks ever so sweetly.

You moan in relief nodding yes as he messages your mound. "Mhm.. 'dunno why.." you whisper looking at him, a helpless look on your face.

"Don't worry, I can help, just trust me okay?" Mingyu says, a kind smile on his face. Only if you knew. "Okay. I trust you Gyu." You smile back at him.

"Gonna strip you baby m'kay? It'll help relieve the heat." He mutters as he roams his hands on your waist before taking your pretty tank top off. You never wear bras around the house, your top being the only thing to serve as a barrier for your boobs.

He rubs all over your nipples, pinching and picking on it making you cry out and clench around nothing. It hurts but it feels so good. It was all foreign to you. You had never known of anything like this.

And Mingyu relishes in that. Loves the fact that he gets to do this first, that nobody has ever seen you like this. "Shh.. it's okay, it'll feel so much more better as we go on I promise, just trust me. How about a kiss hm?" He says hushing you from your sounds.

You nod looking at him with glassy eyes. Kisses are normal in your family, your mom and stepdad always kissing you on the cheeks or head, same goes for Mingyu, but you also give him some on the lips, just as he tells you. Because that's his love language apparently.

He leans down on you engaging in a sweet kiss, your hands reaching to wrap around his neck as you make out with him. You love doing this. It was like a reward. Apparently it's called making out because it makes up for everything.

Which is why you would make out with each other all the time as a reward for your achievements in school. Or when you guys would fight, you'd crawl on him and kiss him, sometimes it was harsh and aggressive but most of the time it was just sweet and calm.

Mingyu leans his clothed heavy dick to rest on your mounds, resting it's length between your slit. Another thing that you always do whenever the other was angry or hungry because it was similar to a hotdog sandwich which was his favourite. It helps him calm down whenever he was frustrated for work or when he was hungry but too lazy to grab some food.

It felt good and the words came from your brother whom your mother trusted so much, so you didn't complain. His hands move from your hand down to your shorts as he pulls them down revealing your pretty pink panties who are almost sheer because of how wet it was.

He pulls away from the kiss, mouth going down on your neck slowly down to your boobs giving them love and kisses. Another thing he taught you because according to him: every part of our body should be showered with love.

The aches were getting worse but it was starting to feel good, not painful anymore. Mingyu keeps on kissing down on you until he reaches your panties. "So wet baby.. 'm so proud of you." He says praising you like an achievement.

"P.. proud of me?" You question as he leaves feathery kisses on your clothed cunt making it even wetter than before. "Yes baby, this is a good thing, it helps relieve stress. You deserve this after working so hard." Mingyu answers.

You nod in response to his reassurance. You should do this more often for him to be more proud of you. Using his teeth, he takes your panties down finally coming face to face with your bare pussy.

His mouth waters at the sight, pink and very clearly wet. Extremely wet. "Gonna make out with your pussy now baby, giving it the love it deserves." Mingyu whispers before immediately diving in leaving you no chance of question before you start to moan.

It felt so good. Something you'd never felt before. You love your brother so much, he was just always so kind and loving to you. Always knowing how to make you feel better.

Using his two fingers to spread your folds, his mouth goes harder on sucking and licking your clit, putting you at his mercy. By this point your back was arching off his bed, hands gripping the sheets, eyes closed, mouth constantly moaning.

"Yeah? Feels good doesn't it?" Mingyu whispers, pulling off from your cunt before circling his index finger on your cunt, toying with your clit. All you could let out was a gasp as he spits on your pussy before diving back in.

"So good Gyu," You whimper and whine while he devours you. Slowly, you feel a foreign feeling build up in your stomach. It felt like a knot was forming inside of you waiting for it's release. You heave deep breaths as you feel it coming. "Gyu.. stop.. i need to— pee. I need to pee!" You speak to him with a strained voice.

Mingyu does nothing but smirk as he looks at you, mouth still going like crazy. He pins your legs down to the bed, forcing you open, making you unable to move. "Go on." Mingyu says.

Unable to stop yourself, you let go at the tone, cream coming out of your hole and smily clear substance covers your pussy. Mingyu bathes in this, shoving his face deeper in you aggressively sucking and licking you clean until you're whole body is shaking without control.

He leaves a kiss on your cunt before finally pulling away to admire his work. You were completely dazed and fucked up in all ways. He hadn't even put his dick on you and he'd already turned you into this.

He trails feathery kisses all over your body as leans down on you, starting from your thighs up all the eay to your forehead, and finally your mouth. "You okay princess?" He asks, voice soft.

You only nod your head, voice strainrd from all the moaning you did. Mingyu chuckles deep above you before bending his head down to your neck. He starts off with small kisses before moving to tiny nibbles.

You open your eyes in shock, lifting your shoulders up and giggling slightly getting tickled by his mouth before gasping as he starts to suck. He continues to do all three in consecutive making you moan. It feels so good.

His hands wrap around the unoccupied side of your neck rubbing it with his thumb as he leaves hickeys on the other. The thought of another guy in his position suddenly comes to mind and he feared that if he didn't took action, he might lose his cool and do things to you that you still weren't ready for.

Mingyu leaves a few more kisses on your neck before moving back to run his thumb on it. His full hand finally wraps around your neck, lifting your face up to look at him. "If anybody else but me tries to do this to you, you say no and turn your back on them m'kay?" He says wigh a pout on his lips.

You nod, a smile forming on your face. "Okay!" You say before Mingyu leans down down to meet his lips with yours, pulling away with a smile on his face.

Oh the things he'd do to you, and for you.

[ !!Separate FICTION and FANTASY from REALITY!! ]

[sunniepoo]

I NEED more of the obx/reader love islane PLEEK 😭😭😭 jj next pls pls pls

love island!jj

jj is an og boy through and through, i have no clue why but something about him screams being in the original line up. the public love him from the moment he comes on, from his looks to his personality he already becomes a bit of a fan favourite

i feel like you would also be in the original line up however you wouldn’t be coupled together, i think it’d be a situation where the public chooses who should go together and honestly he’s gutted. his eyeballs nearly popped out when he saw you and in his head he’s praying that the public chose you to be with him but to his dismay it was not the case

but that doesn’t stop either of you, it was easy to fall for him with his jokey, playful manor but still that masculine presence that follows him - i think the moment where the two of you’d click is when your playing a game around the fire pit and you mention something about the ocean or surfing and it just clicks for him that he needs to get you in his bed as soon as possible

i think it’s only a matter of time before he’s pulling you for chats and slowly flirting his way into your heart, during one of the first recouplings he picks you and honestly that’s only the beginning for the two of you, it’s really sweet and romantic from there on and you become a public favourite quite quickly (sort of like lana and ron s9)

the main major stump between the two of you is when bombshells come in and neither of you have communicated well about that situation so when you see him cracking on with another girl that’s not you, it genuinely shatters your heart into a million

i feel like we see this in obx and i can see it translate into this very well is jj’s fear of intimacy and closeness, for him he could care less about the bombshell but it’s the idea that you and him have been getting so close it’s causing him to freak out and that’s how he finds himself flirting with someone’s name he can barely remember

and before he can even explain himself or even talk to you, everyone’s gathering around the fire pit and he’s being chosen leaving you single - he couldn’t hate himself more in that moment because the idea of you going home genuinely makes him want to leave with you but production comes through and you’re being sent on a date ( really pulling a mimii on this one s11)

following that it’s just a bit of back and forth of arguing and getting back at each other before he sits you down and just breaks, he starts pouring his heart out and you start to realise that whatever anger you have is not worth it

not to say it doesn’t cause a stump in your relationship but your connection with him is stronger than the anger you have. truly once you guys get over that it’s so so sweet and heartwarming

you’d 100% be the very loud, active couple like everyone else is complaining at how your going at it and he genuinely has no shame and doesn’t care - he’s eating you out under those covers with no shame

you guys going to the hideaway would go so viral just cause of how fucked out you look after (lowk like in love island usa when kenny and jaNa came out) hair is a mess and everyone is making memes about how he gives it good

casa amour is such a realisation for him at how much he needs you to keep his mood up because for the first time he is just so out of it and it’s solely because he misses you - the casa recoupling is so cute because you literally run to him and he’s looking at you so in love

like i said casa is such a realisation for him that it doesn’t take long for him to make you his girlfriend and drop the l bomb and if people though you were loud before, god were they not prepared

people have been rooting for you since like day one, when they saw his face when you’d strutted in so it was a very clear and obvious win, and all hell breaks loose when you announce your first kid a couple years later and all you can think is how this started from a silly show you went on for fun

[angeliteria]

𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓.

pairings — fem reader and eddie munson.

summary — you and eddie are childhood best friends, and you've always trusted him. your love for him was innocent — his love for you was the complete opposite.

warning tags — adult language and semi-graphic violence. dark!eddie munson. unhealthy obsessive and possessive behavior. eddie like worships reader, reader lowkey is into it. term “y/n” is used once (had to be sorry). the smut for the nasties; unprotected activities, f!ngering, oral (reader receiving), choking, degradation, overstim, eddie getting mean with his d!ck. there is aftercare <3

Eddie Munson was your best friend. You and him grew up together, homing in the same trailer park, and guardians being friends.

You were glad to have him in your life. He was always there, willing to tend to any of your needs, and would do anything for you.

You found it sweet.

But Eddie would kill for you. He knew you took all his gestures into an innocent, sweet manner, and he was okay with that — but he was in love with you.

A love that wasn't so gentle and safe. He was obsessed, and was repulsed to the idea of anyone else taking you from him.

No one knew you in all the ways he did.

There wasn't a right match for you, except for him. He patiently waited for you to understand that he was suitable for you, but as time went on, and you got with more guys, it became thinned out.

Eddie would give you a bit more time to accept the truth that he was the man you needed.

"Hey, Eds?" You asked, noticing he was zoned out. The chatter of Hawkins cafeteria couldn't even pull him away from his thoughts. Your sweet voice was the only thing that could.

"What's up?" Eddie asked, picking at the raisins in his lunch pale. "You okay?"

"Do you think there's something wrong with me?" You asked, a mere frowning playing on your lips.

"No, why?" Eddie was confused, his attention falling entirely on you. "Did someone say something to you?"

"No— well, I don't know," you mumbled, rubbing your temple. "You know how I have been talking to Brandon Smith for a while now?"

Eddie nodded, tuned in and listened carefully. "Yeah, one of Jason's other lap dogs."

You sighed, rolling your eyes. "Well, I thought things were good between us. We just went on a third date last Friday, and then, I found out he's taking Annie to the Winter Formal."

"What?" Eddie muttered.

"Yeah! It doesn't make sense to me either," you continued, pursing your lips. "I mean, we never clarified we were exclusive, but I thought we were getting somewhere."

Eddie's blood boiled, and fumed. His hands rolled up, tightening into fists, and had skilled at not showing you his visible anger. "There's nothing wrong with you," Eddie reassured, giving you a gentle smile. "Brandon is a cracked up fuck, anyway. No good for you."

"Yeah, maybe you're right," you chuckled lightly, and Eddie hummed, patting your shoulder. "It's just shitty. He seemed really genuine."

"You'll find someone good," he said, handing you his bag of trail mix. "You're a sweet girl, and for Brandon to do that is a douchebag move. You don't need that, okay?"

You flashed a soft smile at Eddie, nodding and began to eat the trail mix.

Eddie's friends came to sit at the table, but were the only ones to notice his dull, blank expression. They had a poor feeling it had to do with you, yet chose not to question, and simply eat their lunches.

You were too distracted in your conversation with Dustin to notice what was going on, and what ran through Eddie's head.

Brandon Smith was the only person in the locker room after his last period at Gym had ended. He was putting on his shirt, his hair damped and messy as he just gotten out of the shower.

A pair of footsteps creeped up the locker room, near him, and he raised a brow. Not particularly scared, but worried, he peeked behind the lockers, and didn't see a single person.

He shook it off, assuming it was a student who forgot their bag.

"Hey, Brandon!" Eddie exclaimed as he popped up on the opposite side of him, smiling. Brandon shrieked, earning a chuckle out of Munson. "Did I scare you?"

"What the fuck, freak?" Brandon snapped, zipping up his Gym bag. "What the fuck are you doing in here?"

"Here to chat," Eddie answered. "That's all."

"Chat?" Brandon nearly barked a laugh, rolling his eyes. "What makes you think I would want to talk?"

"Oh, but you're fine with chatting with me when you're fuckin' fiending!" Eddie said, clear and loud enough for any remaining people in the locker room to hear.

Brandon glared at him. "That's a different scenario."

"Not really," Eddie muttered, stuffing his hands into his own pockets, his hand grasping onto the switchblade that sat within the right one.

Brandon sighed, realizing he wouldn't be able to leave until Eddie got his words across. "Okay, what do you want?" He asked, leaning against the lockers, Eddie only standing a few inches away in front of him. "I got places to be."

"Tell me what happened with Y/N," Eddie said, monotone and blunt in a blink.

"What? Why?" Brandon wondered. "You're wanting to talk about her?"

Eddie hummed. "Answer the question."

"Well, man," Brandon sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "She gave it up too easily, and got too many damn problems. She's a trailer park whore, and I didn't need that."

Eddie's head spun, and the light around him was slowly sinking into nothingness. "Gave it up?"

"Ya'know, her body, her pussy," Brandon clarified, finding it humorous. "She has no self respect, and that's pathetic."

Another word didn't come out of his mouth as Eddie grabbed him, and tossed him to the ground. Eddie's vision was a blur and his mind was clogged, but could understand the punches he was throwing into Brandon's face.

The rings on Eddie's fingers doubled the aggression and assault.

He swore he cracked his cheekbone, and caused a concussion, but didn't care. He didn't care if he killed him in this very locker room, because all that mattered is that he would stay away from you for good. That he would never talk about you in a derogatory way ever again.

Eddie needed to make sure of that – he had to.

"Fuck you!" He screamed as his fist collided into Brandon's left eye, and could hear him gasping, crying, and wanting to fight back, but Eddie's weight held him down. "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!"

Eddie breathed heavily, one of his punches breaking Brandon's nose, an audible snap coming into his ears. He got up, hovering over the sobbing, vulnerable male.

He wanted to laugh — one of Hawkin's best basketball players, who was intimidating yet charming, and broader and stronger than Eddie, was now curled up in a ball, bleeding out of his face.

Eddie struck his ribcage with a hard kick, and Brandon groaned, pleading for mercy. "Fucking pussy," he mocked, tossing another strike of his foot to his side. "You deserve this. You deserve worse than this."

"I—I'm sorry!" Brandon sobbed, gasping heavier, trying to engulf oxygen into his bruising lungs. "Please."

Eddie crotched down, gripping a chunk of his hair, brought his head up and forced eye contact. "You're not sorry. You just make sure to never speak to her, or I will kill you next time." He released Brandon's hair from his grasp, his head thudding on the tile floors.

Eddie's every step had a bounce to it as he walked out of the locker room.

You were laying on your stomach on your bed, flipping through magazines as music faintly played in your bedroom. You carelessly eyed new styles, humming to yourself.

A knock planted softly at your door, and you peeked up, seeing your aunt. She smiled small, a cigarette dangling between her lips. "Chrissy Cunningham is on the phone," she exhaled a blow, "asking for you."

"Did she say why?" You wondered.

"No, but she sounds shaken up," your aunt continued, and you nodded, getting up from your bed, strolling to the kitchen where the landline hanged out at.

You picked up the phone, bringing it up to your ear. "Hey, Chris. What's up?"

"Brandon is in the hospital," Chrissy said, and your heart sank. She was sniffling, overly worried and in panic. "It's so bad."

You paused. "W—What happened? Why is he in the hospital?"

"Jason and the guys found him in the locker room," Chrissy's voice began to shutter. "He was beaten, really bad. Nose broken, ribcages fractured, nearly blind in his left eye — it's so gory."

"What? W—Who... What? This doesn't make sense," you said, unease and confused. "Did he say who?"

"No, he won't make a confession," Chrissy answered, sighing heavily. "Either way, he can barely talk, or make any sort of comprehension. He has a severe concussion."

You went quiet for a moment, trying to gather up pieces in your head, making a puzzle in your head.

Brandon did have enemies, but it was mostly outcasts, and the smartest kids in school — the opposite clique of him, and Jason's friends. But, those enemies were not capable of any harm, nor would attempt any. If they did, they'd get it worse.

Nothing had happened to him until today when you told—

"Chrissy, I have to go," you muttered, hanging up the line. You ran into your bedroom, grabbing your shoes, and slipping them. Your hands were shaking, your heart thumping and pounding in your eardrums, bile burning your throat.

It was just a thought, a consideration, and you knew Eddie would never hurt anyone.

He was too kind, and gentle.

You stalked out of your trailer, finding your aunt watering the front lawn with a new cigarette in her mouth. "You going to Eds?" She asked, and you hummed. "Okay, be safe."

You continued your stalking to Eddie's uncle's trailer, stomping up onto the porch, and pounded your fist against the door. "Edward Munson!" You shouted, banging persistently on the door. "I know you're in there, I can smell fresh pot!"

After a few more harsher hits, the door opened up, revealing a contented, shirtless Eddie, and had a joint in his mouth. "Well, if it isn't my favorite person," he joked, and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the door frame.

Red, bruising spots were visible on his knuckles. He wasn't even trying to make them discreet.

You brushed past him as you welcomed yourself into his trailer, and he closed the door behind the both of you, his eyes falling into yours.

You stood in the middle of his living room, making a safe distance between the two of you. "Are you responsible for Brandon?" You questioned, and Eddie chuckled, flashing a toothy smile. "I don't have time for your shit, Eddie!"

"Oh, excuse me, sweetheart," Eddie snickered, burning his joint out onto the ashtray that sat on the living's room coffee table. "I knew you'd figure it out."

You scoffed. "So, you did?"

"I may have swung a punch or two at him," Eddie said, grabbing a cheap beer from the fridge. "Nothing too bad."

"He is in the hospital, Eds! He has a severe concussion, fractured bones!" You shouted, irritated at Eddie's amusement. "What the fuck did you do?"

"He called you a trailer park whore," he stated, walking to his bedroom as you trailed behind him. "Saying how you spread your legs easily for him, and that you were just bad for his bullshit reputation."

"He said that?" You asked, Eddie sitting on the edge of his bed, and you stood in front of him.

"He laughed at you. He was practically mocking you," he emphasized, scoffing harshly. "I took care of it. I handled it for you."

"But you didn't need to, Eddie!" You panicked, shaking your head in utter disbelief. "If he comes clean, you'll be arrested. You'll go to jail."

"I really don't care," Eddie said, grinning. "You think this is my first time doing this shit for you?"

You fell silent, suddenly lost in what he was saying.

He got up from his bed, only needing to take a few, close inches towards you. He looked down at you as you stared up at him. "Aidan Walter, Michael Dallas, Kyle Thorne, Richard Fields, Brandon Smith — they all had the same thing to say about you. They degraded you proudly, and you think you deserve that?'

Your mouth opened, but your words croaked in your throat. Nothing came out, shock falling over you. "I... I don't know."

"Every time you came crying to me about a guy who did you wrong, I handled it. This isn't my first time, and they know they can't turn me in," Eddie explained, and you raised a brow. "They're drug addicts. They know if I sneak a word to their coach to drug test them, they're fucked."

"But they could turn you in for being a drug dealer," you retorted, and a faux pout dangled on Eddie's lips. "They have privilege, you don't."

He settled his beer down on his cluttered dresser, turning his attention away from you. "If that's the case, why haven't the others said anything?" Eddie questioned. "You haven't asked me why I did it — that's surprising."

"You did it because you want revenge? Because you were trying to be a good friend?"

"Revenge, yes. I'd beat those fuckers with no hesistation," Eddie agreed, shrugging lazily as he went back to sitting on his bed. "But, I did it because you don't deserve to be talked about like that. I did it because I would do absolutely anything for you — I'd fucking rip apart this filthy world for you."

You took a step back, a brutal realization striking you.

"Are you in love with me?" You asked, so simply, but with so much fear behind your words.

He hummed. "There's my smart girl."

You were oblivious — gullible — to Eddie's generosity, and kindness. A more crucial role behind every word, every action, every thought that came out of him. You didn't know how to comprehend anything, your mind fogged, and mute.

You should've been feeling sick to your stomach, nausea and terror was meant to consume and claim you entirely. A person who had received the news that their best friend beat — and nearly murdered — men who have hurt you, would run away, and shut them out forever.

You didn't do that. You were paralyzed in your spot, only hesitate to make eye contact with Eddie, and could feel his eyes boring into you.

What he did was unsettling and wrong, but your heart couldn't help to ache to what he did.

"You hate me now?" Eddie asked, and you inhaled sharply, peeking at him. You shifted over towards him, bringing him into an embrace, his head resting on your stomach as your hands rested on the back of his head.

"No, no," you mumbled, looking down at him. "But you could end up in jail because of this, Eddie. You have to understand that."

Eddie inhaled your perfume, his mind ransacking with complexed thoughts. He was glad you appreciated his devoted duty, but hated that you were worried about his well being.

He only cared that you would be safe.

"I'll be okay, doll," he muttered, practically smashing his face into your stomach.

You fiddled with his hair, not knowing what was to happen next. He was in love, and obsessed with you — that's not easy news to take in.

You let him out of your embrace, crouching down and stared up at him. "I can protect myself, and... I'm sorry you had to hear those things from Brandon."

Eddie took your face into his hands, his thumbs softly caressing your cheeks, and you could feel yourself melting into his touch.

A delicate touch that held so much violence behind it.

He could do immense damage to another human, but never to you. You were the peace in his chaotic world. You were serene, in contrast to his mayhem. You knew there was always a darkness that consumed him, but you granted such light to it, that he'd forget he even held it in him.

Eddie wanted to hold you close, skin absorbing into one another's, and have you forever. He wanted to tear you apart, but then mend you back together.

The silence that fell into the air was tight, and suffocating.

This man had been your best friend for years, and there was never any unbearable tension until now. In this very moment, where his eyes drowned into yours, and his lips quivered for the taste of yours.

"Can I kiss you?" Eddie cut the silence, his face cautiously inching into yours. "Please?"

A simple kiss, that could change the course of everything. But you wanted it — you wanted Eddie to kiss you. You had never craved such a risk until now.

You nodded. "You can kiss me, Eds."

He didn't let another second pass as his lips smothered yours, and his hands shifted to your waist, drawing you onto his lap. You propped yourself comfortably onto him, his hands snaking around your body, needing you close and secured.

You could taste pot on his lips, your cherry gloss mixing into it. His hands slipped under the sides of your shirt, yet went nowhere near your bra. His thumbs and hands grazed your soft, loving skin, and thought he must've been dreaming — he had yearned for this. For years.

Your own hands brushed his toned body, trickling down to the waistband of his sweats. You let your fingers curl around them, but wait there.

Eddie moved his face back, his taste disappearing from yours, and he grinned at your swollen lips. "Look at you," he mocked, admiring the desperation on your face. "You have no idea how long I've waited for you, sweetheart."

Your heartstrings tugged at his words, and the tips of your index and middle finger carefully touched his lips, eyes focused on this movement. "Do you really love me?" You softly asked. "Why do you love me?"

"You're the purity to this corrupted world," Eddie began, and you blinked up at him, and his gaze locked with yours immediately. "Your beauty is uncompared, and unbearable – it makes me a madman. Look what I've done for you; you have me in your power, and you don't even know it."

Eddie Munson is in love with me, you thought to yourself. He is in love with me, and I've been so blind to it.

The only man who'd ever wanted you for you. The only man who you didn't need to give your body to, to feel self-worth and loved. You could see in his eyes he meant what he said — that he swore his life on it. And if he were to ever hurt you, he would want death.

He would rather die, than to live with the knowledge that he dimmed your lightness, and damaged you.

"Please kiss me," you pleaded, wanting his love to soak and burn into your skin. "Kiss me, do what you want to me. But Eddie, do not leave me."

Eddie frowned. "I'd die without you."

You nodded, and your lips fell back onto his, bodies pressing against one another. His hands pulled you over and down onto his bed, your body trapped underneath his. "Are you sure you want this?" He asked hastily in between a kiss. "Do you?"

"Yes, I do," you breathed. "I want this."

Eddie kissed your cheek, leaning back, and shifted himself down in between your legs. You propped yourself up on your elbows, watching him take off your shoes, and then make his way to the waistband of your sweatpants.

He hooked his fingers under the hem of your bottoms and panties, looking up at you with another look of reassurance.

"I trust you," you said, and he pulled off both pieces of clothing, disposing them to a pile of his clothes on the ground.

Eddie parted your legs, laying himself on his stomach, and you could feel his hot breath blowing against your cunt. You relaxed your body, and Eddie's mouth attached itself to your area, earning a soft moan out of you.

You perked your head up, seeing the sight of him gladly eating you out. He wrapped his arms around your thighs, his strong hold locking them in place, and practically buried himself in between them. He moaned to the sweet taste of you, the vibrations buzzing against your sensitive hood.

His tongue ran up and down your slits, his lips plumped and stuck on your cunt. Your head fell back as your noises and breath grew louder, your mouth falling open the second he pushed two fingers into you, working them at a gentle, yet rapid pace.

Eddie was probably the only guy who knew how to properly eat you out, and you didn't have to fake an orgasm with.

"Fuck, fuck," you breathed. "Just like that, baby. Holy fuck."

His fingers were slamming into you, and his mouth separated from your cunt, his lips plumped and covered with your wetness. "Come here, sweet girl," he said as he hovered back over you. "Taste how good you are."

He placed his lips back onto yours, his fingers still violently pumping into you. Uncontrollable, lewd noises elicited out of you, being able to make out his grin pressing against your lips as he brought himself back from your mouth.

"So good for me, sweetheart," he praised,and adjusted himself back onto his stomach, hoisting your thighs over his shoulders. He hooked his mouth onto your cunt, devouring you once more, and you could feel a sweet scorch in the pit of your stomach.

It was too embarrassing and easy for you to cum this earlier than usual. You tried to ignore the hot sensation, focusing on the rhythm Eddie's tongue and mouth made on your cunt, and fucking good it felt.

Eddie had himself deep into your cunt, grateful to even pleasure you this well. All he wanted was to make you feel good.

The fire in your stomach ran to your thighs, and it became torturous to shut out. "Gonna cum," you warned, your voice shuddering. "Keep going, Eds. You're doing so good."

Eddie abided, never letting himself get a second of air as your thighs trembled on his shoulders. "Oh fuck!" You gasped, riding your orgasm out onto his fingers, and he let them fall out of you shortly after. His tongue lapped up your climax, his mouth sucking gently on your cunt.

Your chest heaved, and a fulfilled Eddie detached his mouth from your area, his mouth glistening with your juices. You peeked at him, chuckling and grinning at the sight of him.

"I'm not done with you yet," he said, his hand gripping your forearm, and you suddenly adjusted back on his lap. You whimpered as he used other hand to hold your jaw, having a firm grasp on it, and forcing you to pay attention to him.

"What now?" You asked.

Eddie placed his coated fingers on your bottom lip. "Suck."

You obliged, taking his fingers into your mouth. Eddie looked at you in pure awe, a cocky grin playing on his lips, and kissed the side of your head. Few seconds later, his fingers slide out of your mouth with a pop, and the knuckles of his hand caress your cheek so lovingly.

There was a flip in Eddie's eyes, and body language. He craved more of you, more of your body and desperation. He wanted your tears, screams, and sweat. He needed to see you plead under him, until you all you could think of was him senselessly fucking you.

For this, it was a danger. You were encouraging his obsession, and you couldn't tell if that was okay. It was flattering he hurt people for you, all because he wanted to defend you at every cost — like it was his soul purpose on Earth.

You weren't exactly opposed to his devotion to you, only in fright of how bad it could get.

It wasn't like you hadn't had your own moments when it came to Eddie and other girls. There were a few who had eyes on him, and always dumbly flirted with him — even in front of your bare eyes. You would always think you were being crazy for being jealous, especially when you got angry when Eddie would jokingly tease back at those girls.

You didn't want to share the attention he gave to you.

This was a bad idea. The worst idea to ever exist. But it didn't matter anymore — you and him were the perfect match. Maybe your need for him was always there, but you were too busy with others to notice it.

Those other guys didn't compare to Eddie Munson — none of them. And they would never commit their life to you.

Eddie had finally freed your jaw from his hand, but withheld staring at one another. "I know that look in your eye," he said, inhaling sharply. "You've finally come to your senses. I've been waiting for you to make that realization."

"How long?" You wondered.

"Forever," he answered, and planted his hands under your shirt, letting them carelessly rest there. "Even if you didn't, I still would've handled every guy who fucked you over. I would do it until it caught up to me."

You sighed. "It just might. Brandon will blab."

"Then promise to bail me?" He asked, and you snickered, rolling your eyes.

"My aunt is going to have a rage if you get arrested," you joked, and his grin turned into a small smile. "Let's not worry about that right now, please. I just want you, I want this."

Eddie titled his head to the side, his smile fading. "Be more clear, sweet girl."

You turned coy, your body tensing as his hands gave your torso a squeeze. You decided not to speak, your lips laying on his, and he let your body rut against him. "You're going to drive me more insane," he mumbled, and you hummed. "Come on, doll. Ride me."

You didn't hesitate for a moment, breaking the kiss, and you drew off your top and bra, letting them drop to Eddie's floor.

"Fuck," Eddie breathed, taking a second to memorize your body, and how he just knew it was made for him. "Fuck, you're perfect, doll."

You smiled, and looked over to Eddie's nightstand, finding condoms to lay there. "I'm not your first fuck?" You asked, a hint of bitter in your tone as you snagged an individual wrapper.

"I deserved to have my own fun, don't you think?" Eddie retorted, dragging off his sweats and boxers, dropping them on the floor. He merely sat closer to the middle of his bed, seizing the condom from your hold, and you glared at him. "Don't be so jealous, doll. You're my only girl, promise."

"Were they a good fuck?" You asked, and Eddie snorted while rolling the condom onto his dick.

"And I thought I was too possessive," he mocked, and braced his hands onto your hips, his nails digging into your skin. You were about to protest until Eddie's cock shoved into you, and you gasped at the sudden contact. "Maybe I'll fuck you out."

Your breath hitched in your throat as you and Eddie worked together, your hips rolling and his cock hastily thrusting into you. "Fffucckk, oh my god," you babbled, squeezing your eyes shut, and overwhelmed at Eddie's size.

"You take me so well," Eddie praised, another faux frown on his lips, and grabbed your face. "Look at me when I'm fucking you."

You obeyed as best as you could, cursing and moaning breathlessly. It felt like he was splitting you open, claiming your body entirely, and making you memorize the scynorichize of his cock pounding into your soaking cunt.

"I'm going to fucking damage you," he assured, his hand squeezing your cheeks, and felt as if his nails were drilling into them. "Tear you right apart."

"Yeah?" You taunted, able to pass a giggle through your shuddering breathing. "You're going to hurt me? You're too soft for me to do that, Eds."

He stopped all movements for a moment, and his hand made a switch, sending a hit across your left cheek. It turned your head and neck entirely, feeling his handprint drowning into your skin.

You only laughed. "Slapping me? Some of the guys did the same thing," you said, looking back at Eddie, and wanted to punish him with your words. "I think it was Brandon who would pull my hair and call me his filthy slut."

Eddie snapped. He took your form back under him, your body flattened into his mattress as he hovered over you, his hand furiously grasping your throat. "And you took it like a slut too. Didn't you, silly girl?"

You smiled. "Maybe," you breathed out, able to feel his nails clawing into the sides of your neck. "Maybe I fucking loved every second of it."

"Oh, I'm sure," Eddie muttered, his cock stuffing your cunt again. "But I'm going to make sure you can only think of me forever."

He kept his hand on your throat, and pushed his cock rough into you as you swore he was nearly reaching into your stomach. Your eyes watered, breath hallowed and weak with your pleads for him coming out hoarse and rough, putting one of your hands on his wrist.

"No, you don't get to touch me," Eddie said, pushing off your hand with his free one. "You don't deserve to touch me, silly girl."

You huffed. "Why not?"

"Cause you let all those idiots touch you," Eddie taunted, mocking despair on his face. "And I should just leave you hot and bothered after what you said, but I didn't – so be grateful."

Your lungs engulfed immense amounts of oxygen when Eddie's pulled his hand back, moaning out his name like it was a prayer. He grinned, staying hovered over you, and let his cock sinking deeper and harder into you, watching you fall apart slowly to it.

Sweaty, hot skin smacked throughout Eddie's bedroom, being sure that the whole neighborhood could hear you whining and crying for more of him.

"You sound so pretty for me, doll," he moaned, grinning. He positioned himself back, in a near-sitting style as he tossed your legs over his shoulders and snaked his arms around your waist, continuing to push himself into you.

"Oh shit— ffucckk, Eddie, Eddie," you moaned mindlessly. You were locked in his hold, your body squirming and twitching. Your fingers gripped at his bedsheets, your mind being rotten with the focus of his dick, and how good it felt pounding into you, basically stuffing your cunt.

"Don't you dare fucking cum," Eddie forewarned, chuckling breathily. "Just be a good girl, and take my dick, babydoll. Just take me."

You nodded, knowing there was another climax making its build in your stomach, but refused to pay any mind to it. "You fuck me so good, Eds," you whimpered, eyes rolling back. "Need more of you, please."

"You have me, sweetheart," Eddie promised, pressing his hand on your stomach for additional torture. "But don't try to sweet talk me just so you can cum."

"Just once, please," you cried, resting your hand on top of his hand. "Please, I'll be so good for you."

"Are you not being good for me right now, hm?" He wondered, the ball of his palm sinking further into your belly. "What a pathetic girl you are, trying to get whatever you want."

You hissed and groaned. "Please, please. I c—can't."

"Is my poor girl going to cry?" He taunted, holding back a laugh. "If you cum right now, then you'll have to keep doing so until I think you're done."

"Y—yeah, please!" You agreed mindlessly, chewing harshly onto your lower lip.

He hummed, and tapped the side of your thigh as a sign. Your body nearly melted into his mattress, your orgasm pushing out of you, and you could see a flash of stars in your vision. "Oh fucking hell!" You screamed, your body twitching seconds later.

Eddie pushed your legs off of his shoulders, letting himself fall out of you, and was already rotating you around onto your stomach. "We're not done, sweet girl," he said, planting a gentle kiss to your cheek before his arms were looped around your limp form, bringing your ass close to him.

You were barely to collect any thoughts, groaning the moment Eddie was back in you. He worked at a slow, steady peace in you as he used his strength to hold you up and close, stifling a chuckle in his throat.

"You said you were going to be good for me," Eddie reminded, his fingers clawing and curling into your hair, forcing the majority of your body to be picked up and brought against his. "Is this all you can really take, hm? Made me think you were better than this."

You grinned, sweat beading on your forehead and body. Your face was close enough to his as you glanced up at him, trying to correct your breathing. "You made me think you were gonna fuck me better than the others," you said lazily. "But it's about the same."

"Yeah?" Eddie rolled his hips forward, snapping a single sharp and deep thrust into you, and all at once, he began to violently pound into you. He made sure to keep you close to him as yours and his moaned mixed, and echoed throughout his bedroom.

Your eyes fell to the back of your head, grasping onto Eddie's arms and could feel your body growing more frail within every thrust that pushed into you. You were entirely trapped in his hold – not that you were complaining, it felt nice.

"That's my good girl," he praised, passing a kiss to the side of your head. "You take my cock so well."

You hummed, nodding, and could only hear him breathily chuckle to your obedience. He let his right hand creep up between the valley of your breasts, and it wrapped itself around your throat, using it as an extra leverage to hammer himself deeper into you.

"You seem to be liking my cock a lot," Eddie teased as your noises shuddered, and tears pricked at the corner of your eyes from the overwhelming exhilaration and pleasure. "Just wanted to be fucked and treated like a whore. All you had to do was ask, sweetness."

"Ffucckk you— ahh!" You cried the second the head of his cock started to continuously strike at your orgasm. "Oh shit, ffuucckk! Right there!"

Eddie orgasm was rising, keeping you locked and tight on him as he allowed himself to be audible, letting you know how good you were making him feel. "Fuck, sweetheart, I'm gonna cum," he panted, giving you another sweet kiss to your cheek. "Cum with me, yeah? I want my girl to cum with me."

Your next climax had surfaced into the depths of your belly as you could feel Eddie's arms and body begin to tremble. "W—Wait!" You breathed, swallowing thickly. "I want you to cum in me."

"What?" Eddie chuckled, stopping himself entirely. "Repeat that for me."

"Oh, you heard me, Munson," you said, and he grinned. "And yes, I'm sure."

Eddie granted you that exact wish, letting himself out of you for a mere second and tossed his condom carelessly on his bedroom floor before taking his cock back into you. He looped his arms back around your form, tugging you back towards him as he perfectly fucked himself into you, and you bounced back onto his cock.

It didn't take long for both highs to come back to the surface, your head falling back and landing on his shoulder, and he smirked, brushing strands of hair out of your face. "Be a good whore, and cum," his breath was ragged and uneven, feeling it skim past your cheek. "Don't wanna disappoint me, hm?"

"N—no," you rasped, exhaustion slowly falling onto you but gathered enough energy to keep you going.

"Cum with me, honey," Eddie said, a hint of shudder playing in his words. You nodded, your high immediately crashing out of your body as your body jerked and nearly fell out of Eddie's grasp, but he had enough strength to hold you in his embrace.

He wasn't far behind you, his orgasm hitting its final peak, and rushing out of him, into you. He pushed softer and slower thrusts into you as he rode out his orgasm. Eventually, all his motions came to a stop, and his arms unhooked from your body, watching you collapse onto his mattress, and he fell out of you.

You took your time to recover your proper breathing pattern and energy, laying flat on your stomach, and you could feel sweat stick and drip around your body.

Eddie rested next to you, not caring that you were both drenched in sweat desire, and brought you next to him, letting you rest in his arms. Your head was on top of his chest, listening to his heartbeat as he was also trying to catch his breath.

"So that was," you tried to speak, your throat scratchy and hoarse. "Oh fuck."

He stifled a laugh, smiling in pure pride. "We need to clean up, doll."

"I would so gladly get up," you began, sighing warily, "only if you didn't fuck me numb and raw."

"Don't complain," Eddie said, getting himself up, and easily dragged you up off the bed, over his shoulder. "We are getting cleaned up, and then find something to do after."

"Like what?" You wondered, being placed on top of his bathroom sink as he started up a warm bath. "You're not worried Brandon might say something?"

Eddie shrugged. "Not really, no."

"Why not?" You asked. "He has all the privileges and status, you don't."

"Are we really discussing this again?" Eddie asked, moving back over to you while the water ran. "I'm going to be fine. Just let me take care of you, doll."

Your gaze softened as you could see pure admiration and care in his eyes for you. You nodded, chewing onto your lower lip. He pinched your chin, giving your nose a sweet peck, and walked back to the bath to stop the water.

Eddie helped you into the bath, setting you down into it, and the water soaked your body. You moaned to the feeling of it and relaxed into it.

"Feel good?" Eddie smiled, sitting in front of you, and you hummed in response.

You brought your legs up to your chest, hugging them, and rested your cheek on it, looking at Eddie with a small smile playing on your lips.

He noticed. "Yes, sweetheart?"

"Nothin'. Just love you, Eds," you said. You had told each other 'I love you' on many occasions, but this time, it had a different meaning behind it. "Always have, always will."

"I love you too, sweet girl," Eddie responded, bringing himself closer to you, and kissed your forehead before pressing his against yours. "Always have, always will."

[foldingfittedsheets]

Here’s a story about the time I almost lost my virginity. This is of course a social construct and by a broader understanding had already been lost years earlier at a sleepover with my best friend. But I digress.

I was dating a boy in high school. I shall call him Drama Boy. DB was big into theater, he made home movies and did stage performances at his high school.

Now. I must make this notation here, because the ending to this story will be savage otherwise, but DB put entirely too much of his mental well-being on my shoulders. He was often depressed and it was my job to constantly be helping him to regulate that.

The night our story took place we had been dating for eight months. During those months had been a ludicrous amount of making out and groping, even one lusty fumble that almost ended in penetration I vetoed on the grounds of not having a condom. It’s worth noting the first time we made out I felt physically sick to my stomach but I assumed that was normal.

But our parents didn’t give us much opportunity to really do anything like we imagined real sex to be. Until he came over for a movie night and my parents left on a date.

Scandalous, some might say, of my parents to leave us unchaperoned. But my parents were very blasé about sexual topics. They knew I was well educated and careful. Their leaving was possibly a gift of privacy rather than carelessness.

So when DB arrived for our movie night, we both knew This Was The Night. The night we’d lose our virginity.

We were both nervous and excited. The weight of societal pressure blanketed both of us, convincing us that this was the most momentous night of sex either of us could ever have.

DB chose a wretched movie. We sat through the first part dutifully before we started making out sloppy style. As I’d said previously, we’d done plenty of making out and hand stuff. Which is why I noticed that DB did not seem to be as… rigid as he had on other occasions.

A kinder more mature lens has softened my perspective. He was so nervous. But at the time I was a bit offended that I wasn’t arousing enough to have him standing at full mast. Still, we forged ahead.

I sat patiently while he tried to unhook my bra, boredly watching the terrible movie in the background as he soldiered manfully toward defeating the two clasps containing the bounty of my bosom while insisting he didn’t need my help. It took about five minutes.

That out of the way we made out some more. Then DB pulled out his pièce de résistance. A condom. This was a big get for him. His family, unlike mine, were horribly conservative and of the opinion that marriage was worth waiting for. So his opportunity to secure this vital piece of equipment had been slim.

In fact, it had been so slim, that what he pulled out was an:

Unlubricated

Glow in the dark

Novelty condom

From a vending machine

At the bowling alley.

I wasn’t terribly enthused about any of those qualifiers, but I held my tongue.

Then came the worst part. DB couldn’t admit that the stress of performance had unmanned him. He continued to pretend his wobbly erection could facilitate the rigorous activity of putting on a condom. He attempted to force the dry clinging rubber down his dick as it softened like pudding under his fumbling hands.

I butted in and made with more kissing, certain that seeing me naked had been such a let down that he was going limp because of me. Surely the sight of my boobies should have been enough! Because they weren’t, I was convinced he wasn’t really into this deflowering at all.

It didn’t help that my enthusiasm for this activity was fueled purely by teen hormones rather than actual sexual attraction. Perhaps he felt the same. It was one thing to watch his penis with clinical curiosity but another to think that my young boobs didn’t excite the same lust I felt toward boobs.

Nevertheless. The condom was more or less on. With momentous energy he tried to jam our anatomy together and rolled a critical failure. His penis lost all rigidity and oozed away from insertion.

Panicking and embarrassed he exclaimed, “I think I put this on wrong!”

To my horror he began trying to remove the condom and put it back on the other way. Health instructors of ages past screamed in my head that the condom had now been stretched and unrolled.

Trying to jam it back on was certainly not safe, especially given the slackness of the anatomy in question. It would certainly tear- if he could even get it back on.

I broke out in a sweat watching him attempt the magic trick of convincing a flaccid penis that it really wanted to get better acquainted with a desiccated rubber tube prison.

“I just remembered!” I exclaimed.

He looked up at me, wretched with despair.

“I promised my parents I wouldn’t have sex tonight. I just remembered! Sorry!”

This could go down in history as one of the most bold faced and terrible lies ever told, a blatant falsehood on par with declaring the sky was green. But his face broke out in a terrible relief.

He disposed of the abused condom and I resecured my bra and we resumed watching the horrible movie, both of us relieved in our own way to set down the burden of Losing Virginity.

The next day I broke up with him.

This remains to this day one of the most savage things I’ve ever done, breaking up with someone the night after impotence.

But remember, dear reader! It wasn’t just the sex! His depression had already worn away my patience and our communication. The foibles of the night before had just illuminated the gaps where we couldn’t talk to each other properly. I was constantly comforting him over something, shoring up his brain chemistry with my relentless positivity.

I’d like to say that’s all it was, and look more charitably on my young self. But truthfully my tender pride had also been badly stung that I wasn’t worth rising to the occasion for. Comforting him over this latest mishap when my feelings were hurt was more than I could swallow.

DB took the breakup very poorly. About two weeks later he lost his virginity with the new girl he was dating. He called me to brag, sniffing through the airwaves for hints that he’d hurt me back.

When I congratulated him with utter sincerity and not a whiff of jealousy he was furious.

We stopped speaking for years, except on our mutual birthday when we’d wish each other a cordial “Happy birthday.”

He messaged me out of the blue one day years later to catch up. He was working in food service now. Was it true I was a lesbian? Yes, I assured him, that was true. He thought that was pretty cool.

Then he told me about this bisexual girl he worked with who was interested in a threesome. Did I want to have a threesome with him and his bisexual coworker?

The audacity. I couldn’t believe it. My mind filled with savage retorts like, if you understand I’m a lesbian why do you think I’d want you to be part of that? Why wouldn’t I just sleep with her without you?

But I remembered the utterly ruthless way I’d dumped him and as penance I swallowed all of the things I wanted to say and instead politely told him I was seeing someone, but thanks for the offer.

And that was it. He’d managed to shoot his shot not once, not twice, but three times, and never managed a home run. He struck out that last time, and we never spoke again.

[warpedpuppeteer]

It's interesting how Buck's love interests are all written in a way that ends because of the reason they meet/happen in the first place and then of course, we have Eddie.

Abby, who changes Buck's view of a healthy relationship but then turns around and ghosts him, making him wait for months on end and letting him realize she's not coming back on his own.

Ali, who meets Buck during a dangerous situation in his line of work and then leaves him for how dangerous his work is.

Taylor, who lashes out at Buck for using her as a fake date and saying she thought she could trust Buck to be a friend who then ends up using him for her career and chose to put his friends in danger.

Natalia, who's there to help him embrace and deal with his temporary death but it leads to their break up because of the constant talk surrounding death when Buck's not comfortable with it.

We can't confirm for Tommy till it ends but it's important to note how he offers to get Buck into his interests like flying and muay thai yet doesn't show effort with Buck's interests like dressing up according to the bachelor party theme despite Buck being stressed about it. And we also have the fact that the entire reason they got together was due to Buck's jealousy for Eddie which he then claims to be was for Tommy. Makes me think they are either going to end because of differing interests OR because of the jealousy issue popping up again.

Funnily enough, every scene above has an Eddie parallel:

Eddie co-parents with Buck and not only does this not stop after a dangerous event but Eddie also has Buck down as a legal guardian (healthy relationship - Abby).

Eddie is in the same dangerous line of work and they have each other's backs. This happens right off the bat too.(dangerous job - Ali).

The Lawsuit era and The Dispatch era - both where they "betray" each other but manage to work through it (betrayal/lie - Taylor).

Eddie doesn't pressure Buck to talk about his temporary death until Buck's ready and is more focused about him living than in his death (death doula - Natalia).

Eddie who has different interests than Buck (poker, basketball and UFC/MMA) but also manages to show interest and actively takes part in whatever Buck comes up with; he suggests their outfit for the themed party AND ends up staying there for Buck even when others leave (different hobbies & showing interest/taking part - Tommy).

Absolutely fascinating when you start noticing that Buck's relationships keep failing for one reason or another and then we have him and Eddie who face the same sort of situations but they still come out of it stronger together.

It's clear that there's a reason Buck is able to overcome anything when it comes to Eddie (that conversation with Maddie about being there for each other even at their worst 👀) and we've already established that everything Eddie looks for in a partner is already something he has found in Buck. So really, all that's left is for them to realize that hey, the one I'm looking for is right in front of me! 🤷🏽

And yes, it's been said to death (hah) but you don't find it son you make it. And Buck and Eddie have already made it.

[tunafruitt]

--> ||❝ The Creator has a.. LOVER?! ❞

SAGAU || Warnings: fluff, gender neutral reader

[ The people of Teyvat find out their grace has been romantically involved with someone for a while now.. what do they think about it? ]

Character(s): NEUVILLETTE, ZHONGLI

-> [ NEUVILLETTE ]

“Oh, the Iudex of Fontaine is the creator’s chosen suitor? Okay.. He’s a qualified and accomplished man. I can see why the creator chose someone like him.”

With the one and only hydro dragon sovereign stuck to your side at all times, it was no surprise to anyone that the two of you had gotten close. But the creator falling in love with him?? That’s different.

Of course, the people of Teyvat had all wished to have a chance with you. And of course, everyone knew it was impossible… but hope is a good thing right? They knew the day would come though, just not so soon..

When the people found out that the Creator had someone they loved more than the usual “I love all of Teyvat equally and platonically.” EVERYONE WENT CRAZY. What do you mean the creator has a LOVER? What do you mean they’ve probably kissed. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS THE IUDEX OF FONTAINE????

Nevertheless, no one was actually disappointed. They had heard you talk about him through the screen even before you descended to Teyvat. They were glad you were happy… I guess (though they wish it was with them.) Fontaine obviously took pride in having the creator spend a lot of their time residing there, even more pride in the fact that you were romantically involved with a citizen of Fontaine.

─━━ ꯭  ───ׂ─ִ─  ͜͡✿͜͡  ─ִ──ׂ──  ꯭  ━━ִ─

Neuvillette wasn’t quite sure how to react to all of the publicity the news had gotten. Every time the two of you go out together he feels the stares coming from the people around you. The stares weren’t the usual stares he got when he was doing a court trial.. they felt new to him. He was glad that he was at least able to say more affectionate words to you out in public though!

“Monsieur Neuvillette! I’ve heard the recent news.. haha.. so, how’s it being with the Creator? Bet you feel real lucky, huh.“

“I would consider myself lucky to be with Y/N. I feel that no amount of love give—“

“Y/N???? I-I MEAN— YOU’RE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH YOUR GRACE?!”

“I am. Now, if I may continue…”

When he’s not actively working and someone asks him about you, he could yap about you for HOURS. So much to the point people avoid bringing you up even in non-professional events. He’s literally lovestruck. Heart eyes when he looks at you and everything. (everyone’s secretly side-eyeing him… out of jealousy.)

-> [ ZHONGLI ]

“Hm.. The Wangsheng Funeral Consultant..? He is quite a handsome man, but is that all? Of course we respect him! It’s just that.. I expected the Creator’s suitor to be an Archon or something. But if that’s what the creator wants, we should respect their choice right?”

The people of Liyue had begun to put the pieces together. No wonder you were always visiting the Funeral Parlor.. wait, were the times that the both of you were spotted together at Iron Tongue Tian’s Stall listening to the telling of old stories.. DATES?? How could they have only just now realized…

Well, now that the news is out at least you can comfortably hold his hand outside of the Parlor! Not everyone is completely happy with this though.. Who might that be? The other archons of course! They all took pride in being among some of the closest beings in Teyvat to you, but now that they weren’t all equally close to you, feelings of jealousy began to rise.

Zhongli secretly felt smug about that though. I mean, of course anyone would. Being the Creator’s lover is probably the biggest flex in all of Teyvat!! Only certain people are able to even be close to the Creator, not to mention TOUCH them. (which are the playable characters.) Oh, and doing affectionate things like lovers do WITH THE CREATOR?? The things people would do to be in Zhongli’s place.

─━━ ꯭  ───ׂ─ִ─  ͜͡✿͜͡  ─ִ──ׂ──  ꯭  ━━ִ─

You and Zhongli were taking a walk in the city of Liyue as you always do. There was a cool breeze and the orange lights coming from the food stalls gave the atmosphere a comfortable, warm feeling. You looked back at Zhongli who had already been staring at you. He’s about to put his arms around you when out of nowhere—

“Your Grace! Fancy seeing you here.. ehe. Are you here for the Lantern Rite? Oh! You should come to the Windblume Festival again! We’ll make sure to make it extraaa special, just for you. Speaking of special— There’s a new wine back in Mondstadt made specially from the freshest dandelio—“

“Hello, Venti.”

“Oh. Hello Mr. Zhongli. Are you busy right now? If not, the Funeral Parlor is calling for you. You should probably go.”

“The Funeral Parlor is closed today, Venti.”

lmao archons actively trying to get you to spend time with them instead of Zhongli. (They can’t stand to see you hugging, holding hands, and doing all kinds of sappy activities with him)

AGHHH SECOND WRITING EVER!! Had fun ^_^ might do a part 2 with Itto and Xiao (or other characters) feel free to leave recommendations for any other characters!! Likes nd reblogs are much appreciated ^_^

[avelera]

(Meta) The Tragedy of Working for "The Family Business" in Arcane

I recently wrote some meta about how one contributor to Jayce's suicide attempt in Arcane 1.02 was the realization that his only obvious path forward in life after his humiliating trial and expulsion from the Academy was to go into the family business of the Talis hammer factory, and how he chose death over that because such a life would represent a spiritual death of the soul for him, a fate literally worse than death.

That got me thinking about how we have several characters in Arcane who are fighting against working for "the family business" that is, living up to the expectations and desires of their parents. My immediate temptation is to say that Arcane takes the pretty firm stance that it's better to pursue your own dreams but then I stopped myself because no, it's much more nuanced than that.

I'm exploring this as someone whose family also has a family business that I didn't join, who had dreams of artistic pursuits that my family actively discouraged, so this is a very personal topic for me that I feel I can lend some insight to.

Whether or not it's the right thing to "join the family business" and live up to the expectations of the older generation is an active and complex dialogue that goes on within Arcane.

So let's go through the characters and how they reflect on this theme:

Jayce Talis: Just because he's top of mind for me. I believe it's heavily implied that Jayce's dream was to pursue magic and Hextech. Losing access to Hextech and having no choice but to join the family business was a fate worse than death for him, he actively chose suicide instead. And I believe we have hints that Ximena and his late father wanted that for him (see the childhood picture of Jayce and his father, with Jayce proudly holding up the hammer is father almost certainly helped him forge).

But we have some nuance to the discussion of "Was it the right thing?" for him to go into Hextech instead, since it's basically a curse that brought ruin and near-destruction to the world. That said, when Hextech succeeded, all the voices that wanted Jayce to join the family business were silenced and all supported Hextech enthusiastically, including his mother. So while their encouragement of him joining the family business instead of working on his dream might have averted many tragedies, it's not why anyone except Heimerdinger wanted him to do it.

Caitlyn Kiramman: This isn't subtext, this is text. Caitlyn wanted to be a detective, her mother wanted her to be a politician and is clearly uncomfortable even as far back as the shooting competition that Caitlyn wins that her daughter is so adept at shooting instead of diplomacy.

Caitlyn's dictator arc is even directly tied to the creators as a phase of her trying to live up to what her mother would have wanted (including dating nice "girl next door" Maddie instead of undercity dweller and ex-con Vi that both her parents seemed to actively dislike). Caitlyn while mourning her mother keenly feels all the disagreements they once had over her choices in life, and falls to her lowest point spiritually, morally, emotionally, etc. when trying to live up to her image of what her mother wanted for her.

Vi coming back into her life literally gives her the courage to break away from this horrible place where she's found herself, becoming this person she doesn't want to be. Because it's all well and good to say everyone should forge their own path, but it's almost impossible to do without someone who also believes in you and the version of you that you want to be.

Mel Medarda: Insofar as Mel is a tragic tale, which I believe she is, her tragedy is as a child of privilege who never breaks away to pursue her own dreams. I think the tragedies of privilege often, understandably, get overlooked in discussions of fiction but Mel plays out that tragedy writ large. And I don't just mean this from the perspective of the "poor little rich girl" I mean being from privilege can become its own cage. It can dampen ambition, lock one into self-doubt that you can make it on your own without the benefits that privilege gave, it can lead to incredible self-doubt and constant self-measuring against the previous generation because of what they left for you to inherit and to live up to.

Mel is not happy when she returns to Noxus as the new Head of House Medarda. She got everything she wanted in S1, to be recognized by her family and to ascend as a Medarda after her banishment, and nothing she needed. What could Mel have accomplished if she wasn't trying to be a Medarda, or now with or without the magic her mother literally instilled in her veins as a birthright? She may never know. Mel could have been an artist, a spy, an inventor, a diplomat, she showed incredibly aptitude at all these skills but in the end, she just works for the family business.

But Mel doesn't have anyone, not Jayce, not Elora, not her family, to believe in her vision for herself at the end. Instead, she has become the family business.

Jinx: Jinx in S1 is constantly hemmed in and restricted by Silco's desire for her to take over the family business, to help build his weapons, to help him create Zaun. Stupid joke that it is, Sevika confronts her with the fact that she could assume the family business of raising Zaun from the ashes in S2, exactly as Silco wanted. It's one of the more complex instances of "Would it be better if she did, or if she didn't?"

I think the show comes down on, no, it's better for Jinx to go off an live her own life. Sevika, for whom this isn't the family business, is the better steward of Zaun's future going forward. She did the work. She's done the thinking. She's stood by the cause through thick and thin. She believes in it. It's Sevika who should be on the Council.

It's also interesting to contrast Jinx with alternate universe Powder, who also feels trapped by family expectations. Who is constantly reminded she could be doing more. Ironically, that Powder seems to want to join the family business and live behind the bar, but it is clear that it's stifling her true potential, and her loving fathers Vander and Silco in a happier world try to point that out to her.

But it takes Ekko from the main universe believing in her for her to begin to forge her own path.

Viktor: Viktor has no family business to live up to. At most, we have a bit of word of god meta that his parents helped smuggle him into the Academy when they recognize his potential. We have a little bit of Singed/Dr. Revek as a father figure which could represent a family business and if so, it's a tragedy for Viktor when he gives in and decides to "join the family business" and go along with Singed's view of the world.

That said, Viktor's lack of connections, patronage, or family is what helps him inspire Jayce and save his life. Viktor's lack of family business to join is why he had to forge his own path. He points this out to Jayce, who is clearly inspired while at his lowest point. Jayce realizes as a result of this conversation that others have done more than him with less, that his life isn't over because he lost his privileges. That all he really needs is himself or, rather, himself and just one person who believes in him. It's no understatement to say that from that point on, Jayce has given this new life, this like Viktor gave back to him, to Viktor and their shared dream. Viktor is all the family he needs now.

And, likewise, Jayce is the vote of confidence that Viktor needs to break free of his own tragic spiral, one encouraged and egged on by Singed and his expectations. It takes Jayce believing in the better version of Viktor to pull him back to become the person he wanted to be again, in a time paradox loop that is still making me insane.

TL;DR So really, if I must say that Arcane has a thesis, it's that you're better of pursuing your own path but it's difficult, nearly impossible to do, without at least one other person who believes in you.

[obxcc]

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ kitty!reader was a good friend. of course she’d show up when sarah texted her begging to show up to the beach. especially when she said kie was being a bitch.

warnings . . . 18+ male masturbation , profanity , ex!jj , butthead!kie for the plot i love my girl more than life , drinking

it had been far too long for jj to still have to pull out his phone and open your instagram just to get off every once in awhile. but there was this one post you still had up from years ago when you were still together. jj had taken it when you two were having a beach day. the red bikini that left nothing to the imagination. the activities he knew you got up to that night. god , it would get him to finish like nothing else.

he did feel bad about it every time! a little guilty. your words swirling around his head each time he nutted all over himself and his phone. you don’t act like you care about me , baby , and you ditch me for your friends all of the time , or even you’re not good at loving me.

yeah… nothing like a post nut clarity to make jj feel impossibly worse. so instead of dealing with the reality of his sticky situation , he just cleaned up and went to bed. the pogues had a big day tomorrow. there was this volleyball competition at the beach that john b signed the guys up for.

actually , scratch that. waking up and opening his phone to still see your picture pulled up is worse. he cleared his search history and swiped out of the app before getting ready and heading downstairs.

everything was going swimmingly at the tournament until you showed up. until you showed up in that fucking bikini. jj hadn’t seen you in maybe two years , and when he does you were wearing that.

he didn’t even know you were coming.

he didn’t know sarah had texted you sending for backup earlier in the day. SOS KIE STILL HATES ME. SEND BACK UP PLEASE. SOS SOS. and you weren’t doing anything but lounging around the condo , so of course you’d head out and help your best friend. you’d drop everything if you needed to. especially when sarah mentioned kie.

the three of you had all been friends at one point. you had been good friends with kie individually. you dated one of her best friends. but after her and sarah got into a huge fight your junior year , everything blew up. you were forced to pick sides , and you chose sarah , which only caused problems between you and jj. it was a shit storm inside of a shit storm when everything happened.

now here sarah was , falling for john b routledge. you hated to admit that it sort of made sense. you knew them both , and there was ways they just clicked. so as soon as you found out kie was making the process of falling in love hard for sarah , you were on the way.

you got dressed in a swimsuit , tied a wrap around your hips and set off for the beach. not before grabbing a bottle of tequila on the way out the door. maybe getting drunk out of her mind would help kie loosen the fuck up.

when you arrived to the beach , there weren’t too many people there. the game was paused , two teams huddled up on their respective sides of the sand court. so when you walked up to the game , bottle clinking in your purse , everyone looked.

“hiya , boys,” you batted your lashes , making eye contact with jj before the teams broke up to get back to the game.

it was like he was frozen in place , flashed back to a time just a few years ago you’d been with him on this very beach in a swimsuit so similar he could easily mix them up. “hey— uh , what are you doing here? didn’t know you liked volleyball,” he stammered , stepping closer to you as he eyed the way you fit your swimsuit.

your eyebrows scrunched up as your hand came between you. “why are you standing so close to me?” you asked him , shuffling back in the sand but jj was more focused on the ring that wrapped around your finger. a ring he gave you on your eighteenth birthday.

“i’m not—“

“jayj! get your head out of your ass!”

you knew who was yelling at jj from the sidelines before you even looked. he darted away , jumping back into the game as you made your way over to sarah with a big grin. “look at you , sexy mama!” you greeted her , kissing her cheek.

“did you sneak alcohol into this event?” sarah giggled , wrapping her arm around your waist as she heard the glass bottle hitting other items in your purse.

“well , i wasn’t about to deal with kie sober , and i thought maybe it’d help lighten her mood a bit,” you shrugged.

“i don’t know,” the blonde sighed , stopping before you got too close to kie’s spot on the bleachers, “she’s like really mean now.”

you took a glance at the girl , seeing she looked the exact same as she did the last time you saw her— ocean salted hair with a hippie-esque outfit , and rolled your eyes. “sarah,” you began , putting your hands on her shoulders, “we’re not gonna let some bitch from high school flush you out , okay? we’re the bitches from high school.”

it wasn’t much of a pep talk , but it worked enough to get sarah moving up the stairs to sit down next to kie again.

“as if one of you wasn’t enough,” kie spoke , not bothering to force a smile onto her lips.

“yeah , you know you used to be one of us , right?” you replied , pulling the tequila from your purse and unscrewing it, “what?” you questioned kie and her furrowed brows as you took a gulp, “did you think the three of us could hang out sober?”

you held the bottle out , wiggling it to entice her more. “whatever,” she rolled her eyes as she grabbed the bottle and took a swig.

she passes it to sarah expectantly , causing the blonde to jump before mouthing ‘thank you’ your way and taking a drink of her own. “how ‘bout we play a game?” she suggested , giving you another turn with the liquor.

“a game?” kie repeated , tearing her eyes from the actual game in front of you.

“yeah , like we take a shot every time the boys score?” you added on , taking one already with a shrug as the ball lands on the other side of the court.

“mmm , no. that was a fluke. they’re not actually good,” sarah chuckled, “maybe every time the other team scores?”

you both look at kie , waiting for her response. “what the hell , why not?” she rolled her eyes , reaching into your purse to pluck out a solo cup she saw, “fill me up , skank.”

“oh! better than a poser!” you remarked , not surprised by her outward nastiness , before tilting the bottle and pouring her plenty liquor, “here , babe,” you muttered , filling the second cup and handing it to sarah.

soon enough the game ended with your ex boyfriend and his friends winning. it was a long game though , giving you , kie , and sarah plenty of opportunities to get drunk. the bottle only held a dribble of tequila left in the bottom after you ditched the solo cups all together.

“hey , you girls look like you’re having fun… together?” john b spoke , gladly catching sarah when she flung her happy drunk self into his arms. he kissed her , squeezing at her waist before bringing her feet back to the sand. “y’guys drunk?” he chuckled , looking at you the most suspiciously.

“it got kiara to be nice to sarah for more than ten minutes , so i’ll say it was a good idea , john b,” you remarked , tossing the bottle back into your purse all while ignoring the heat of jj’s gaze.

but of course , he wasn’t going to not say something. as you stood from the hot metal bleachers and readied yourself to order an uber , you wobbled. jj’s hand shot out , gripping your elbow to not let you fall.

“yeah… i don’t think you should be driving,” he admitted , shooing john b away. kie left the moment cleo and pope joined them , so when the brunette dragged his girlfriend off to the twinkie , it was just you.

“i’m fine,” you grumbled , pulling your arm from him and walking away. you rolled your eyes at the sound of footsteps behind you. “my uber’s like five minutes away,” you announced loud enough for the blonde to hear.

jj caught up with you , grabbing your shoulders and turning. “why won’t you talk to me?” he asked , eyes darting away when he realized that his voice sounded far more hurt than he wanted it to.

“because i dumped you.”

ouch. no shit.

“okay , yeah… but i thought we’d at least be applicable?” jj shrugged , letting his hands fall from you as his eyes fell to your chest.

“amicable and my eyes are up here,” you scoffed , hand reaching to push his chin up, “besides me not tearing into you about how awful you were to me every time i see you is amicable enough,” you added , hating that you could remember everything about your relationship so clearly.

you hadn’t seen jj in so long , and having him in front of you— really in front of you just reminded you of how much you used to miss him. sure , you liked to get on his ass about the bad stuff , but there was so much good. you recalled how much fun you had with jj , like nothing else but you and him matter. you’d ride around the island on his bike and go fishing and surfing and everything else you hadn’t done in years.

you hadn’t let yourself think about it all that much. it hurt , so you pushed it down , and now? jj’s shirtless torso was reminding you of everything you’d shoved down in the worst ways. just looking at him flashed you back into your bedroom.

late nights when jj would sneak into your room through your bedroom window when your parents were home before absolutely plowing into you.

“who’s eyes are wandering now?” jj chuckled , noticing the dazed look in your eyes.

you were caught off guard , not realizing yourself that you’d been staring. “will you drive me home?” you asked , eyes flicking up to jj’s. you knew this was stupid. you knew the moment the words left your lips.

but you missed him.

“thought you didn’t like me. treated ya bad and shit?” jj replied , already decided that he was going to drive you before you asked. but two could play cat and mouse. you’d done it before.

you sighed , looking down at your nails. “wasn’t all bad…” you whispered , reaching out to his hands before looking at the ring that adorned one of them. “y’still wear this?”

“you wear mine,” he shrugged, “nicest thing anyone’s ever gotten me. wasn’t gonna throw it out just cuz you dumped me.” he thought about it. thought about launching the silver ring into the ocean so many times , but it was the last thing of yours he had.

“i miss you sometimes,” you admitted , intertwining your fingers, “miss us.” the last bit was whispered , and jj nearly missed it as he was helping you into your passenger seat.

and as he rounded the front of the car , he definitely knew he wanted to get back together with you. he missed ‘us’ too.

[koolaidoverwriting]

Dating HCs for Toby, Cody and EJ x a plus size female reader? NSFW and SFW 🫡

PLUS SIZE DATING HEADCANONS

CHARACTERS: Ticci Toby, X-Virus, Eyeless Jack, AFAB Reader

This was pretty fun. I had some trouble with Cody's part. I don't think about him often... My bad...

CW: Explicit Sexual Content, Overall Fluffy Fun, Positive Body Talk, Nothing Graphic But There's Biting

NSFW UNDER CUT! MINORS DNI!

TICCI TOBY

SFW:

Fiiirst of all: Toby loves your body. He's not the type to judge anyone by their frame. He thinks you're absolutely gorgeous because you're his. God forbid you feel insecure because you'll get drowned in kisses and love bites. If you have stretch marks? Toby thinks they're so fucking cool. Like a tiger's stripes.

Toby squishes your round cheeks, telling you just how much he adores you. He snuggles up against you while he yaps on about his day. The way he stumbles over his words and speeds from topic to topic makes you chuckle.

He especially likes laying on your stomach and chest. Toby could rest on top of you for hours. There's nothing better than coming home to warm cuddles after a tiring mission. And nothing better than waking up to the sight of your pretty face.

Toby would ask for a piggyback ride. Literally whenever he can. He loves playing with your hair while you carry him around. Maybe he'll try to give you one, too.

But... Toby's weak and would probably end up breaking a wrist. It's okay. It was worth it to see your reaction when he lifted you up.

NSFW:

You can't have thick thighs and not expect Toby to go in between them. Toby is a total sucker for thighs. He'll kiss up your thighs, leave small hickeys, and squish them as much as he can.

Toby fucking loves when you crush his head while he's eating you out. Suffocating in his favourite person ever? Fuck yeah. There's something so attractive about you squirming and heaving while he pleasures you.

He also adores your breasts. They're breathtaking. He thinks they look really good in tight and revealing clothing. Toby takes every opportunity to fondle your tits. Or better yet, suck on them. You're watching a movie together? Oh, he's definitely going to play with your tits while you watch the movie.

Toby prefers fucking you from the back. That way he gets a good view of your ass and he gets to grope your breasts. Toby gives you plenty of compliments. Whispering how much he loves your body, calling you sweet names, all while he abuses your sensitive pussy.

Aftercare with Toby means you two will cuddle until Toby starts craving food. From there, you'll either head to the kitchen or open up Doordash. Either way, Toby's indecision makes for lighthearted banter over what to eat.

X-VIRUS

SFW:

A general rule for dating Cody, you have to get over any and all dislike toward rats. Cody has a bunch of rats, both as his pets and test subjects.

Cody thinks your chub is perfect for him. He doesn't care about anyone's appearance, so why would he care about yours? He's honestly still not over the fact you chose to date him. Plus, what's better than extra plush to knead when he's stressed?

As a workaholic, Cody rarely sleeps in his bed. He's normally asleep at his desk with his lab-coat still on. You find yourself carrying him to bed more often than not. But it's fine. Because when he blinks awake and softly mumbles your name, it's the cutest thing in the world.

When you do get to sleep with Cody, expect for him to wrap his arms around you and bury his face into your chest. He hums against your skin, noting how nice you smell, or how warm you feel.

He likes sitting on your lap and squishing your fat while he thinks about future experiments. Subconscious fidgeting. 

NSFW:

My version of Cody isn't the most sexuality active. He still thinks you're hot and would love to fuck you over his desk, but he has a looooot of work to do... So he isn't regularly thinking about sex.

Anyway, speaking of fucking you over his desk — he can and will do that. Cody bends you over, fucking into you with a careless rhythm. He gropes your thighs, your ass, your hips. All the soft flesh he can get his hands on.

He clearly prefers handsy stuff over penetration. Cody would love to feel you all over. He notes down your reaction for every little thing, figuring out what gets you most excited. Your breasts and belly are the funnest to play with. You may catch him squeezing your breasts as a stress reliever sometimes.

Cody typically hates surprises, but you giving him an impromptu blowjob underneath the table? Absolutely (just watch out for the rats). He could not avoid looking down at your beautiful face sucking him off — how your cheeks hollow and your face gets flushed a pretty pink.

With aftercare, Cody will offer you water and a kiss on the forehead. He'll either stay with you for a few minutes or go straight back to working. It depends on the situation... But if you ask him politely to stay, he might stay cuddling you.

EYELESS JACK

SFW:

Oh, Jack could care less about your body shape. He likes what's on the inside, not what's on the outside (this is a pun). Your body looks so fucking edible. He just wants to leave little bitemarks all over you.

Jack cares about you dearly. You're sick? Rest assured, he's going to be by your side, cuddling up with you because he can't get sick himself. You're hungry? He'll make you an entire feast of all your favourite foods, and some kidneys for himself. You're sad? Jack will try everything in his power to cheer you up. His monotone voice doesn't mean he doesn't love you any less. Trust him.

Whenever you cuddle together, you will have to put the AC or fan on max. Jack's body temperature is always hot. The warmth would be far too suffocating without something to cool it down.

Showers with Jack are nice for that reason. Your bodies can be pressed up against each other in a cool, intimate shower.

His love languages are quality time and gift giving. Expect him to hug you out of nowhere or bring you a random organ, similar to how a cat brings back dead birds.

NSFW:

Jack is a hefty guy. Muscular, tall, and can lift you up like you're made of stuffing. He uses his strength during sex. He knows how to handle you; he can fuck you standing up, fuck you on the bed, against the wall — anywhere you want.

But that doesn't mean he isn't soft with you. He cares about your body and wants you to be pleasured nicely. Jack tries not to hurt you with his claws, or bruise your cervix with his absolute monster of a cock.

You may get some dark bruises on your body though. Jack loooves biting. He also likes when you bite him as well. So if you're into that, go for it. Jack will be delighted.

Jack can eat you out real good. Consequently, you squeeze his head with your thighs, moaning out with pleasure. Your hands grip the sheets as he thrusts his tongues in and out of your cunt. Jack thinks your reaction is just adorable. To him, it's the best part of giving you head.

You can definitely ride his face, too. Who the fuck cares if he can hardly breathe? He certainly doesn't. Jack will happily lick up all your juices. He has three tongues for a reason.

!!! for some reason the images are glitched to me... huh. weird. well. i hope this was good! i've never written an x reader for cody before. fun little experiment... :3

[heartfullofleeches]

[18+, Top/Dom Reader. Male/Amab Darling, they/them pronouns used for personal preference]

Femboy Cheerleader Darling dragging their jock bf to the mall- Normally, he'd just hand Darling money and lets his sweetheart go off on their own, but on this day darling decided they needed a little company. How could he refuse when Darling propositioned the idea of him tagging along as a cute date? Walk around for a bit, grab some lunch- Knowing how easy it was for Darling to get side tracked, their boyfriend knew the afternoon wouldn't be as linear as they implied- He only went to big spaces like the mall when he knew what he needed, but since it was time wasted with his future spouse he'd cherish every second.

Darling is so happy he agreed- The additional company meant more freedom for their hands when the bags started piling up. Hands they could use to properly thank their generous boyfriend who does so much to make them smile. It's starts off with Darling massaging the side of his thigh while they're in line to grab a smoothie. He loved whenever they tended to his aching muscles after practice. They've been walking for some time now so he's probably feeling some tension down there, the poor guy.

Their hands paw at his waist as the crowds grow denser. There's so many people around Darling might get lost if they don't hold onto him. With strangers squeezing and pushing past them to get by, Darling has no choice but to cling on to their big, strong boyfriend tighter - cock pressed to his meaty ass from the lining of their favorite skirt. It's not like anyone notices but him, face hot as he balances all of Darling's purchases on his arms.

Things only escalated from there as the couple find themselves alone in an elevator - Darling's face now smushed against their boyfriend's large pecs as they check his heart rate. With all that commotion outside it has be through the roof- Darling isn't entirely wrong when they come to that conclusion.

Darling has a big surprise for their lover when they teach their final destination- If it's still in stock that is. Something that cute is bound to have a lot of eyes. The most adorable sundress which hung off the wearer's shoulders and complimented their figure. Darling had picked up other items on their trip, but this is what they came to the mall for. There was another reason they chose this store to end things off on. They'd heard through the grapevine vine how understaffed this store in particular was and how they had no cameras in the changing roos. Perfect for thief....and other activities.

Jock Yan stumbles out of the changing room short of breath and drenched in his own sweat - amongst other fluids. It's a miracle he was able to keep quiet. Darling had to reward him in the best way they knew how, but perhaps they should have gone a bit easier on him until they got home. Their boyfriend was always a little sore after they were through playing with him. Darling pays for the dress they still have on - carrying their man back down to the food court where they treat him to some ice cream with their own pocket money as if it were just another normal date.

-

Smaller Dom Femboy Reader, my love- I wanna do a full length version of this someday, but I got two horn-knee fics coming this week so come back at a later date....

Unless.....👉👈

[ink-stainedkiss]

Nerd Gojo Headcannons

A/N: I’m so sorry for my lack of activeness. please forgive me🙏🙏 I’ve had so much stuff with school and yesterday was my birthday so my schedule has been packed. I wanted to give you guys something small for now so my accounts not collecting dust, but i promise more will be coming in days prior!! Love you all!💕

Nerd!Gojo who is still completely shocked you chose him out of everyone on campus. Gojo was a known geek, someone who got excited about the latest comic and his grades never fell below an A+. Well lucky for him, you found the fact he was so nerdy to be extremely cute.

Nerd!Gojo who loves planning adorable dates with you, but it’s never commonplace. He will set up picnics right in front of a beautiful lake, taking you to a pottery class and giggling at how dumb your ‘masterpieces’ look, or simply creating a candlelight dinner in your apartment.

Nerd!Gojo who adores you and he makes it extremely known. For someone so shy when the two of you first met, he definitely has warmed up to you. Before, he was too scared to even stand next to you because he was afraid he would slip up and embarrass himself, but now he never leaves your side. You can’t exit the same room with him without giving him a long kiss goodbye, even if you're just grabbing ice from the hallway. Hugs, kisses, handholding, cuddles, you name it, Gojo loves it.

Nerd!Gojo who isn’t the best at taking care of himself. He often stays up late to finish homework or a project that could easily be done the next day, but unfortunately he’s a try hard and will force himself to stay awake until it’s done. Before you, he relied on energy drinks to keep him up and when all of the work was done, he would sleep the weekend away, barely leaving his dorm. Even now, you have to scold him for his unhealthy studying habits.

You were peacefully chatting with your friends, going on about the tests and assignments being piled on top of each other. As you spoke, your group’s eyes shift behind you, but you couldn’t turn before two lanky arms were sliding around your waist. Soft lips gently landed on your exposed neck and in your peripheral vision you saw a puff of white hair. Of course it was Gojo. Your friends did not hold back their cheeky looks, some of them turning and looking off in another direction while muffaling their giggles.

Blush rose to your cheeks instantly and you heard your boyfriend speak up,”Hi Baby.” He’s obviously tired, his voice groggier than normal, but he still has the energy to cover you in his love. You shift your body to face him, cupping his cheek, and you get a good look at his face. Like you expected, he looks on the brink of passing out. His usually bright eyes were a bit dimmer and there were vague shadows coating his under eyes. His own hand reached up and held the one of his face, turning his head to plant tiny kisses to your palm.

“Have you been sleeping?” Gojo sees the disappointed frown on your face, because you already knew the answer. He sighed, leaning into your touch,”Maybe.” The short response was enough to finalize your question. It didn’t help that he had shut his eyes and was practically sleeping against your palm. Turning to your friends, you excused yourself, dragging a half-asleep Gojo on your side the entire time you left.

Nerd!Gojo who knows he should listen to your stern lectures on why he needs to stop doing all nighters, but even if he felt like shit after, without fail the two of you would cuddle on his bed and take a long cat nap. You were never as tired as Gojo, so most of the time you would be awake, reading, or scrolling on your phone, while Gojo slept soundly on your lap.

Nerd!Gojo who may or may not do your homework if you leave it out. He tells himself he shouldn’t, since you tell him it’s not his responsibility to do your own work, but he can’t help it. You’re his girlfriend after all and it would be mean of Gojo to not fill out the first half of the paper and maybe the back half if he has time. (He does it regardless)

Nerd!Gojo who nearly cries when you get him a figurine of his favorite superhero character. He constantly gushes about how cool they are and doesn’t notice how you aren’t even listening to the topic, just focusing on how his eyes light up with pure joy. You have adapted to Gojo’s interest, never denying a trip to the movies with him to see a new action film he has been freaking out about. Holidays are like Gojo’s heaven because you always end up getting him another item for his very large collection. Each time you are smothered in kisses then dragged to his room to watch him rearrange his overcrowded stock.

Nerd!Gojo who is so thankful for you and some nights, wakes up to watch you sleep calmly. His fingers rake over your face and images of your future together flash in his head.

[battlekidx2]

“Do you like girls?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you like boys?”

“I don’t know. I think I like TV shows.”

I remember when I was in middle school all the other girls were talking about the guys they liked and I said I didn’t like anyone. I just wanted to do my own thing.

I didn’t really get why I would want to date anyone. I understood friendship, companionship— having someone to share my interests and mutually info dump to sounded cool— but I struggled to understand the appeal of spending every day and every night with someone else. Of holding hands and going on dates. 

This led to a lot of homophobic bullying and a few of them would act disgusted that I might be into them. Constantly acting like I was looking at their boobs and sexualizing them (I never made eye contact with anyone and would frequently look at the wall or space out while looking in their general direction). Or make a big show of not being interested and many other things.

I didn’t get this either. I didn’t know why I would be interested in any of them. They treated me poorly and I thought attraction was something people made up and simply just claimed to feel towards other people.

Just like I never understood celebrity crushes. You don’t know the person so how could you possibly know you liked them? And I never understood how people “chose” who they dated. Did they just choose whoever they liked hanging out with the most?

But any time I voiced this it was always met with worse and worse reactions. It led to isolation among peers and my family. My parents made it pretty clear I wasn’t who they wanted me to be. That I wasn’t normal.

I soon learned to fake it. Pretend I understood it.

The idea of not being attracted to anyone seemed like a foreign idea to most people I met. Even when I branched out and moved away, I met a few people in the lgbt community who couldn’t grasp it either and reacted poorly and it made me feel stupid. Like maybe I wasn’t just screwed up to people who fit in the neat little box society wants you to fit in, but to everyone else as well.

Maybe I was wrong. If it’s an impossibility even in this community that champions diversity and acceptance then can that really be my reality?

I kept trying to force it. To date, but every time I did I always felt that same skin crawling discomfort and it always petered out. It didn’t matter who it was or what gender. It always felt wrong. It was suffocating.

I don’t think there’s a movie that better portrays that all consuming, suffocating stagnation of feeling so out of place– knowing you’re out of place compared to those around you– and in response forcing yourself to fit what other people expect of you than I Saw the TV Glow.

Whenever I think back to growing up or whenever I return home that same feeling this movie is centered around always drenches my experiences.

And even now it’s hard to put into words when I talk to other people what I’ve felt when it comes to this aspect of my life.

That comment from Owen about knowing there’s nothing there when talking about romance and attraction, but being too afraid to look and knowing that his parents know something is wrong with him hit harder than any other scene from a movie I’ve watched this year.

It’s that absence of something that is at the heart of asexuality that makes me always question what I choose to identify as when I have to explain it to someone. Because for the most part my explanation boils down to (in broad oversimplified terms): I’ve never felt attraction, I’m more interested in watching a Spider-Man movie than I’ve ever been into even just the idea of dating, every time I’ve attempted to date it’s been uncomfortable and I’ve actively dodged anything beyond friendship while in the “relationship”.

And when I try to voice that to another person it always feels like those experiences don’t hold water. That’s describing the absence of something. There’s no real proof of the identity.

With being bi or gay or lesbian there’s something you can I don’t know—point to?— that can help you know your identity.

And that’s the fact that you’ve experienced attraction towards one or more people of one or more genders.

It’s defined not by the lack of something but the presence of an experience.

And so every time I try and explain it I end up feeling stupid. Like I just haven’t tried hard enough to find someone compatible. That I need to get back into the proverbial saddle and try again. I always in some way feel ashamed and backtrack as a result.

This is in no way to say that it’s harder or easier to be one identity or the another. Everyone’s experiences are different and everyone experiences are valid. This is just a struggle I’ve found that’s unique to asexuality that many people I’ve talked to have also experienced.

I haven’t felt that part of my experience be seen in media until I saw this movie. Maybe I’m latching onto what I can get or maybe that was an intrinsic part of the movie. That’s not important. What’s important is that it’s something I felt seen in even if it was literally just one scene.

This is my really long winded and roundabout way of saying that I really think this movie is going to stick with me much longer than any other thing I’ve seen this year.

Things can be hard to put into words and as a result I tend to keep things inside. I’m fairly certain I’m ace but it might turn out I’m on a different romantic spectrum then I thought or I fall somewhere different than I thought on the ace spectrum. I don’t know what I’ll discover in the future.

I’m likely not going to express my label out loud to anyone but a select few. I still can’t express this particular label out loud to many people. My family is definitely never going to hear it. A friend or two might.

It’s something I struggle with on a regular basis. I’m fine with identifying with the label in my head—in a lot of ways it makes me feel comfortable and happy— but any time I try to voice it the words die in my throat and I can’t help but feel ashamed. It’s easier to just tell people I don’t want to date right now. That there are all these factors in the way (finances, time, jobs, etc) than it is to try and explain what I’ve just rambled about above.

I know many people have felt and understood that experience and I hope people know they’re valid. You can express your identity with your full chest, shout it from the rooftops and let people know, or you can keep it to yourself, identifying as your label solely in your head. Both experiences are valid. And if your label changes at some point in your life that doesn’t make what you chose to identify as at this point any less valid too. People are always learning and growing. You can gain a new understanding of yourself as time move forward.

Sorry for the way too long ramble. This movie made me feel things.

[risuola]

IV — EPIPHANY // Sukuna thought nothing can break him. He's powerful, he has influence and means to always come on top – or at least that's what he thought, because now he realized that he's nohing but weak.

contents: angst, blood, usage of weapon, reader discretion is advised — 2,6k words

a/n: in this part i wanted to give you a little insight into Sukuna's persona. show the menace in him, show the threat and how he is when he's not influenced by weakness that is our precious y/n (aka when he's not confused as hell by what's happening in his heart). i rewrote this part four times before i was finally somewhat satisfied with it.

ᴅᴇᴀᴅʟʏ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ | masterlist

You are safe with me.

Sukuna thought about the words with hilarity. The sentence so simple and kind, it felt foreign to realize that his own mouth allowed it out of his system. An odd sort of disdain washed over himself and he found it laughable that throughout his entire career of blood and murder, what made his blood pressure raise up was a lie he told you. A strangely comic amalgamation of letters and syllables that each time he thought of them made him more angry and more amused.

You were safe, technically, or maybe that’s what he wished to believe when he replayed the events of one very unlucky Sunday evening in his memory. It began lovely, too lovely in fact, but he chose to actively ignore the oddity of it – he came to terms with how easily you were able to render his senses useless whenever you came into the field of his view wearing something as pretty as the dress you picked for the date that day. It was in a shade of pink that you deemed similar to the color of his hair, a dusty rose, you called it, and Sukuna wasn’t sure exactly how much truth was that, but he couldn’t care less about it when you looked so drop dead gorgeous. When he watched you walking next to him through the crowded alleys in the park nearby your apartment building, he couldn’t help but notice only you in the mass of people around him. He felt like a teenager in a way, with his heartbeat drumming against his ribcage with pace similar of this after sprinting for long time. You were capable of triggering reactions in his body that he thought were long gone with the days of his youth but he was fine with it. As long as he could witness your beauty, he was fine with everything.

Sukuna laughed gravelly as the sequence of memories played in his mind – the dark sound of his voice causing two police officers outside the bars of his cell to tremble. Oh, how much he hated you and your stupidly breathtaking face for whatever the hell you did to him. If he could, he would tell you what he thinks of it right now and if not careful enough, he might tell you a little too much. Confess maybe. Yeah, he might do that someday. And maybe move out somewhere where you’d truly be safe. Where he wouldn’t feel like a fucking idiot for saying words that are so damn obviously a lie.

Moving out felt like a good idea. In couple of years, when he’s done ruling the criminal forces, he could take you out of Japan, somewhere far away and protect you from any harm. He’d take you somewhere warm, where he could shamelessly admire the way your skin tone looks under the golden rays of sun and the way your eyes shine and glisten like the most expensive and rare gemstones. The thought of you brought a wide smile to his face, as the picture spread in front of his closed eyelids. In the cold of his cell, he could almost feel the burning touch of your fingers tracing the shapes of his body.

* * *

Sixteen days.

It’s been over two weeks since you last saw Sukuna and it was getting harder and harder to go about your days. You missed him. You missed his face, his strong arms that manhandled you around despite your playful taps and tugs. You missed the huskiness of his voice, the low purrs he made in the morning whenever he’d nuzzle his nose against your temple inhaling the scent of your skin that he swore he was addicted to. And above all, you were worried and restless, and scared.

Whenever you closed your eyes, your mind was flooded with memories of the Sunday date you went on with Ryomen. He picked you up and handed you a little bag filled with your favorite mochi – the ones stuffed with fresh strawberries and whipped cream, a delicacy made in only one place in Tokyo and you remember how your heart swelled with warmth and love when you realized he had driven to that shop on the other side of the city just to get you few pieces of sweets. He was wearing his usual, black dress pants and a leather belt, perfectly polished boots and a dark grey sweater that made him look both casual and dangerous, with the tattoos around his wrists exposed under the rolled-up sleeves and his sharp features, that somehow whenever were turned towards you seemed a little bit softer.

You felt like a princess next to him, you felt loved and protected with his large hand enveloping your smaller one in his warm embrace. It was perfect. It was perfect until–

You didn’t exactly pick up what happened and how it happened. Even now as you think of it, you can’t truly recall how that tale-like evening turned into a mess that led you to lose your sleep every night that followed. It was a flash. One second you were leaning into Sukuna’s palm, greedy to steal his warmth and love and next one you were pushed tightly against his chest behind a bench. His hand, that was embracing you with as much delicacy as one would use to touch a doll made of porcelain was suddenly pressed harshly to the side of your head, covering your ear. Someone was shooting, Ryomen was shooting. You felt the impact of each bullet being extracted from his weapon. Each one of the subtle shakes of his muscular body reverberated throughout your smaller frame. You heard guns, despite his effort to protect your eardrums, but the loud explosive sound mixed with screams of people around was loud and clear in your head. An echo of danger and violence that you witnessed firsthand even though the man that held you did everything he could to protect you from the event.

You remember vividly the moment Sukuna groaned and cussed lowly. It followed a soft tremble of his large body and at first you didn’t realize what happened, but then you felt the unexpected wet warmth on one of your hands. “It’s fine, don’t worry,” he was telling you over and over again as your eyes began to water at the realization that one of your palms was covered in blood. His blood.

“It’s just a scratch,” he was lying to you, but you didn’t know it was a lie until you saw him later. The magazine in his gun was empty sooner than you thought it will be and the foreign shooting continued. It seemed like there were few attackers, but you couldn’t tell where all of it was coming from. All you remember was that you stayed hidden in the large body of your lover for the entire time until the police sirens broke the scene.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered to him, doing everything in your power to hold back sobs, as he kept you close to himself. You knew that police couldn’t be good for him and if not for you, he would most likely run away somehow, but he stayed there, behind the bench, holding you tightly and making sure not a single bullet could land on your fragile body.

He didn’t look mad, not even annoyed, when he was telling you what to do next and how to act in the face of what was to come, and even though you had the hardest time registering it through the immense fear you felt regarding his future, you were nodding. He was calm, and you thought that he stayed calm for you because the scene of shooting was enough of a distress for you already. And then, you saw him in handcuffs, with his hands shackled behind his back, guided towards the police car. Cops that were responsible for escorting him looked almost funny next to his towering frame and if he only wanted, he would quite easily throw those officers away. But he didn’t. And he didn’t do it to save you.

You remember the last time you saw him he sent you a smile, more so a smirk, when one of those cops harshly pushed his head down, making sure he got into the car. Few moments later, he was gone and you were left with the mess of the crime scene and the burden of a witness.

Later, you were informed by one of his pawns that it’s not gonna take long, but you knew that things were serious because few days slowly turned into a week and then two weeks and he still was in jail. And you couldn’t go visit him because he said so. You stayed in his house, safe and sound in the bed you always shared with him, except now you were alone and cold. You missed him. And you were worried.

It killed you inside to think Sukuna might face charges. A life sentence, most likely. There was only so much that you knew about his criminal past and you were sure that he kept many secrets from you, that he wanted to save you from the heavy burden of his misdeeds and cruelty. You knew how dangerous his lifestyle was, how dark was the path he chose to fallow and you knew that even someone as strong as him couldn’t escape the jurisdiction forever. But why now?

You couldn’t shake off the devastating feeling of emptiness whenever you wandered between the luxurious interiors of his mansion. It felt like you couldn’t stop worrying, day in and day out you were thinking if he was alright. Was he properly fed? He told you that he won’t contact you while in jail to protect you, but all you wished for was just to hear his voice. You were worried about the way authorities treat criminals of his sort. What will they do to him? The mere thought of torture or interrogation filled you with dread and anxiety. You never felt so alone and helpless.

* * *

It took too long.

In fact, detention took much longer than Sukuna anticipated but time behind the bars was nothing but an entertainment for him. It was amusing, it allowed him to let loose. Surrounded by an air of sadistic satisfaction he didn’t get to experience in years, he played game of pushing and pulling, a game of power. Despite being enclosed and surrounded by dozens of officers and guards, Sukuna had a sense of control over his situation, and it amused him. He was enjoying the misery that he caused others, relished in the fact that he was feared and hated. It made him almost giddy. There was a twinkle in his eye and a playful grin on his lips, he relished the experience.

“I’ve got few questions to you.”

He smirked, sitting smug and relaxed. For the nth time he was questioned; a futile attempt of getting information out of him, yet another display of the illusionary power that authorities thought they had but lacked severely. It made Ryomen laugh out loud each time he sat against a new face, it pleased him, he loved the feeling of having the interrogator’s full attention. Detectives that tried to enforce the law onto him looked tough, each one of them, until they dropped their weight onto the metal chair in the interrogation room. The heaviness of the sinister aura was unnerving to anyone who dared to approach and the criminal enjoyed breaking them one by one.

“Do you?” Sukuna spoke, his voice low and menacing, but bearing a thrill of amusement and excitement. The heavy chains that grounded his frame clinked as he moved just slightly and the shiver that went down the spine of the man in front of him did not escape his watchful eye. “Afraid?”

“Hardly,” a tone of false confidence responded to the question and Ryomen chuckled. To him, this was a game, and he was winning. He found joy in annoying the interrogator, knowing that he couldn’t get anything out of him. It was stimulating, it was fun. It was a game of cat and mouse. It felt euphoric to answer the questions, knowing that his words were confusing, that he was able to mess with the man’s head, make him question his own judgement.

Years and years of being on the top of mafia managed to clear his memory of being vulnerable and the caricature of it that he was now experiencing served for a nice refresher. He felt excitement to play with the law and as he sat there, restrained by metal bounds, he realized why he became a criminal in the first place. The constant chase of thrill and power was what made him who he was.

As the detective sat there, intimidated more and more with each passing second, Sukuna watched the disaster unraveling with a dark glint in his eyes. He enjoyed every moment of the tension and knew that chills were running down the spine of his current opponent. He was imposing, savoring the fear and the exquisite feeling of danger that surrounded him. It was intoxicating, it made him feel alive. He played with the interrogator as if the predator would play with its pray, he stared at him with a small grin of pure evil.

“You’ve been stubborn this whole time,” the officer said, clearing his throat and straightening his spine to make himself appear bigger but to Ryomen, he was merely a source of amusement. The criminal stayed relaxed and leaned forward, slowly closing the distance between his own face of death and the eyes of the person in front of him.

“Was I stubborn?” He questioned, his tone low and menacing and his lips stretched slowly, baring the teeth. “You’ve got me all chained up and still, you can’t get your job done?”

“You’re chained up because of the potential threat you might pose.”

Sukuna laughed. A raspy and low chuckle came from his throat; a dark omen that hung heavy in the air as if signifying the upcoming danger. It was cold and malicious, an ominous showcase of his real persona, of someone who has no compassion and knows no mercy. He felt a twisted sense of satisfaction at the sight of sweat running down the face of the man in front of him. He exuded an aura of fear, leaving everyone in the room unsettled.

“If I only wanted to, I could rip out your throat with my bare teeth.” Ryomen’s voice was low, it was quiet and nearly whisper like but the message it carried was more than enough to freeze the blood inside the veins of the interrogator.

“I assume you’re familiar with the idea of good cop bad cop method,” the man spoke again after a moment of dread. He cleared his throat once more, squared up his jaw.

“And which one are you?”

“Oh, I’m neither, but allow me to show you something,” interrogator reached to the inside pocket of his coat, pulling out a phone with his sweaty palms and pressing down few buttons.

The moment Sukuna looked down on the screen, his expression changed. A ghost of anger washed over his features as he took in the picture. Suddenly, he felt a wave of burning hot filling his veins and reaching his face; a dizzying sensation of dread and rage and then he realized that the power he wielded was nothing. With his eyes fixed on the little phone and his jaw clenched, shaken by the rush of adrenaline and with his knuckles white, Sukuna Ryomen experienced acknowledgement. An epiphany of sorts. The illusion of might and influence burst like a bubble made of soap and slowly he realized that he’s nothing but–

“Seeing something familiar?”

–weak.

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