#and then a lot of Chris lashing out and screaming and fighting him at every turn until he just gave up. all but left her to fend for herself

[purposefully-lost]

The task of devising a personality for Alex's dad that isn't just Long-gone/Offscreen Deadbeat fhdhDNDZ

[wolftraps]

Do you have more Shay in human school stuff?

So, technically this does include stuff with Shay in human school. Mostly though it’s Del&Shay... yeah. Also, as always, this got longer than intended. Uhh, warning for mild homo/transphobia.

Del knows fear. It’s not that there was anything in his life to cause that fear. It’s just that for as long as he can remember, there’s been a sense of wrongness in his life that he couldn’t identify. And without a source for that feeling, something to point to and say “That. That’s what’s wrong. That’s what scares me.” he’d just become afraid of everything.

Fight or flight, people say. That’s how humans respond to fear. Instinct. Even at six, when his dad says that instinct is broken in Del, Del thinks that’s dumb. People react to fear in all kinds of ways, and there are all kinds of fear that they react to differently. It’s not an either or. 

We fear things because we don’t understand them, Del’s mum says. Like sharks. Or wolves. We see sharp teeth and we think “danger” because we don’t understand that the creature behind those teeth doesn’t mean us any harm. Fear is a misunderstanding. Del spends a lot of his childhood trying to understand everything, so maybe he can stop being scared. But understanding that the water isn’t trying to hurt you doesn’t make anyone less afraid of drowning.

It’s his cousin, Nel (short for Nelson, but Del always liked that, Del and Nel), eighteen and rebellious, that ends up helping the most. He takes Del out to the cinema and they meet his boyfriend there. Del likes Gavin, but his aunt and uncle don’t- something about “bad influences”- so they can only meet up other places. It’s after the film, as they’re walking out, that a couple guys seem to have an issue with how Nel and his boyfriend are holding hands. They say things Del knows are supposed to be mean, but Nel doesn’t get mad or scared. There’s no fight or flight. He just sighs and asks Gavin in a quiet voice to get the manager.

While he’s gone, Nel says nothing. Not until one starts getting in his face, yelling at him to say something. Then Nel sticks the hand that isn’t holding Del’s in his pocket and leans back almost casually.

“You hungry?” he asks. The guy just… stops.

“What?”

“We were planning to get something to eat. You can join us if you want.”

He doesn’t want, but he and his friends walk away without a fuss when the manager comes.

Later, Del asks in awe how Nel did it. Wasn’t he scared? How was he so brave? Nel laughs, but it isn’t a happy laugh.

“It’s not ‘bout ‘brave,’” he says. “It’s about compliance.” Del doesn’t know what that means. “Fear’s a really messed up sort of power when it’s done on purpose. And it’s just a bad warning sign when it’s not. Lashing out won’t help no one, and running away’s not gonna work forever. So instead you gotta be contrary. Figure out what that fear wants you to do, and then don’t.

“Those dicks wanted me to fight, so they could keep thinking I’m wrong; the enemy. So I offered to be friends. Ma, pops, they’re afraid of Gavin. They’re afraid he’s gonna get me in trouble ‘cause he doesn’t understand that I can’t get away with the same things he can. I can’t buy my way out of my mistakes. They make this a real unfriendly place to be ‘cause they want him to be as scared as they are. But running away won’t help, no matter how much their fear wants him to. We’re still gonna love each other. So instead of running away and breaking my heart, he stays and takes care of me. He learns the world how I see it, so instead of pulling me into fear by accident, he can protect me from it on purpose.

“Look, cuz, there’s a lot in this world to be scared of. You just gotta figure out what’s behind it and get good at arguing. Fear says ‘there’s something hiding in the dark,’ you say ‘then why can’t I hear it?’ It says ‘you’re running out of air,’ you say ‘if light can get in, so can air.’ It says ‘they’re going to attack you,’ you say ‘not if I distract them first.’ It says ‘you can’t do it,’ you say ‘watch me.’

“But most important, and I need you to listen to me here, kay? You listening?” Del nods with all the gravity an eight-year-old can muster. “You remember nothing else, you remember this: Fear tells you ‘you should be ashamed of what you are,’ you say ‘I should only be ashamed of what I do.’ If you not hurting nobody, you got nothing to be ashamed of.”

It doesn’t always work, of course. When Fear says ‘you’re going to get hurt,’ you can’t just say ‘no, I won’t.’ You have to ask ‘will it be worth it?’ But it helps.

So when Del is eleven and a new kid comes to school, Fear yells ‘Danger.’ and Del looks at the distance everyone has put between them and this serious-looking kid with eyes like storm clouds, and at the extra sweets his mum had packed, and he thinks back ‘Yeah, but dangerous to who?’

-

It’s not always easy being Shay’s friend. It’s pretty hard sometimes actually. And there’s a fear that Del recognizes from his aunt and uncle. He’s afraid that one of these days, he’s going to get in trouble because Shay doesn’t understand that they’re different.

Shay is… Shay is a wildfire. A whirlwind. Shay is something that sweeps you up with a force beyond your comprehension, and if you’re not careful, you’re going to break or burn before it passes. 

Del had thought them serious at first, and they are sometimes, but he wouldn’t describe them that way. Passionate, maybe. Restless, definitely. Impulsive, unfortunately. Terrifying, yes. But serious, no. And wrong, never. All Del’s life, something has been wrong, and he fears both what it is and that he’ll never figure it out, but he thinks ‘I’ve lived just fine so far without knowing, and at least it’s not Shay.’

Even when Shay gets stressed over History class and their teacher’s house floods. Even when bullies repeatedly trip and break their noses. Even when Mrs. Patrick sends Shay to the headmaster with mutters about expulsion and a strong wind sends a rock hurtling through her window. When they break up with Lisa and it storms for a week. When Chris calls their parents freaks and the ground shakes. When they’re in one of their moods and a teacher snatches their fidget tool from their hands, only to drop it with a cry of pain as the smell of burnt flesh fills the room. Through it all, Del knows that whatever is wrong in their life, it isn’t Shay.

That doesn’t make it easier when Shay is annoyed and he feels like he stepped on a Lego every time he tries to talk to them about it. Or when they’re excited and the wind near them is so strong it’s hard to breathe. Or when they’re upset and Del has to walk all the way to the Blackwood Institute in 40C heat because a series of accidents have slowed transit. Or when they take up freerunning and they laugh at Del’s worry every time they take a fall that would send anyone else to A&E. Or when Shay realizes how these things affect Del and they get that stricken look and avoid him for a week.

It doesn’t make it easier when Shay acknowledges none of this.

They never lie about it- Shay’s a terrible liar- but they talk around it or laugh it off. And it’s the only time Del ever sees anything like fear in their eyes, so he doesn’t push it.

‘You’re going to get hurt,’ Fear says, time and time again.

With Shay holding his hand as he tells his family he’s gay. With Shay threatening to burn down the stage if he doesn’t get the part. With Shay staying up late to tutor him in math. With Shay offering to unleash their parents on the teacher who calls him stupid. With Shay backstage, very carefully learning how to apply make-up because Del’s hands are shaking too hard from nerves. With Shay laughing and laughing as he cringes over their puns. With Shay always, always stepping in between him and the dark. Del replies, ‘Yeah, but it’s worth it.’

-

Shay had sworn they’d be there opening night of Del’s first lead performance. They were going out of town for a while, but they’d sworn they’d be back for it. The wrongness has been getting worse and worse, and the only time it seems to get better is when Del’s on stage, but that doesn’t matter if it’s just replaced by the wrongness of Shay not being there. They’re supposed to talk tonight. High on Del’s success, they’re supposed to talk and Shay is supposed to help figure this out and then maybe, hopefully, they’ll talk about their thing too. But they can’t do that if Shay isn’t there.

They aren’t there before the play. They aren’t there after. They don’t respond to any messages. They don’t answer any calls. Over and over people come up with congratulations. With praise. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because Shay isn’t there. The cast goes out for the afterparty, but they all give up on talking to Del quickly, and it doesn’t matter.

At 3AM, unable to sleep, Del resorts to messaging Shay’s dad, asking if they’re okay, breath held until lungs scream in an attempt to beat back the panic.

‘Something is wrong,’ Fear says. ‘So what?’ Del asks.

‘Shay is hurt/dead/wrong,’ Fear says. ‘Even if they are, they’ll recover,’ Del says back. ‘Shay always recovers.’

‘You’re going to get hurt,’ Fear says. ‘It’s worth it for Shay,’ Del snaps.

Mr. Blackwood messages back “They will be.” and “I promise they’ll call as soon as we get them back.” As if that isn’t utterly terrifying. It’s okay. It’s okay, that’s just how Shay’s dad is. They’ve always said he never realizes he’s being creepy until someone tells him.

‘There’s no air,’ Fear says. And Del’s eyes are hard to force open, but open they do. ‘If the light can get in, so can the air,’ Del replies.

Del messages Mr. Blackwood “When?”

“Soon,” he says.

“Can I wait with you?”

“Of course.”

Del doesn’t have to ask where. Shay’s dad is always at the Institute. The doors are locked, but someone is always there. It’s not the night guard but Mr. Blackwood’s cat that opens the door, though, somehow, and leads Del down to the archives.

‘You’re being watched,’ Fear says. ‘I really don’t care,’ Del replies.

The office door is open. Mr. Blackwood stands when Del walks in. He’s not big on touch, Del knows. Or eye contact. But he puts his hands on Del’s arms and looks in Del’s eyes when he says, “They’re going to be alright, Miss Jackson.” and doesn’t seem to mind when Del throws her arms around him and sobs into his shoulder, because something just turned right in the world and it doesn’t matter because Shay’s still missing.

“Jon?” someone asks from behind her. Martin. Del can’t bear to look up.

“We’re alright, Martin,” Jon says, rubbing a hand over Del’s back.

“Right… I’ll make us some tea.”

Martin gives better hugs than Jon, so it’s him Del is sitting with on the couch half an hour later, talking about her options and one of the Institute therapists who can help if she wants to think about transitioning, and it’s all a bit overwhelming honestly, but it’s a good distraction until the sound of a door creaking open has them all falling silent. There’s a door that shouldn’t be there. Sasha comes through first, inhuman hands depositing a man’s head on Jon’s desk. The rest of his body seems to be draped over Ms. Tonner’s shoulder. Her eyes flash in the light and her teeth seem a bit too sharp through her grimace. And Del really couldn’t give a shit about any of that, because there’s Shay, smiling an exhausted smile, and it’s actually kind of nice how warm they are when she hugs them, even if it would worry Del on anyone else.

“Oh shit,” they say after a second. “The play.”

“It’s fine,” Del assures them, wiping away her tears. “Wasn’t my best performance anyway.”

“Fuck that,” Shay says. “I bet you were perfect.”

“So,” Shay says later as Del lays in their bed beside them, struggling to keep her eyes open. “You’re a girl.”

“So,” Del says through a yawn, “you’re a monster.”

“Yeah, but you knew that even when you thought I was human.” They laugh as Del fails to blindly smack their arm. There’s a long moment of silence, and Del is almost asleep when they finally say, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she asks. “Being a monster? Or not telling me?”

“Both?”

“Hey.” Del waits until Shay finally looks over at her. “Never be ashamed of what you are. Only what you do.”

“Then I’m sorry for lying.”

Del laughs. “You never lied. You’re a terrible liar. I would’ve pulled it from you way before now if you’d lied.”

“Still.”

“Apology accepted. Now shut up and get some sleep.”

“You know I don’t actually need to sleep?”

Del forces her eyes open one last time, just so she can roll them. “Well I do, so you might as well get some anyway.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, arsehole.”

‘You’re going to get hurt,’ Fear says. ‘Fuck off,’ Del replies.

-

Her parents don’t take it well. Being gay, they can understand. For some reason, being trans is harder. They try, she’ll give them that. They do try. It’s still uncomfortable being home, though. Instead, she spends more time with Shay, who doesn’t care. With Shay’s family, who just knew. At some point, even Ms. Tonner tells her, “You can call me Daisy, Del,” and they let her blame the hormones when she cries.

When Chris laughs at her, the floor below him mysteriously crumbles into a sinkhole. When she gets denied the first female role she auditions for, lightning hits the theater and the play has to be delayed for repairs.

“You really shouldn’t have done that,” she tells Shay.

“Freak accident,” they lie, terribly.

When the Dark reaches out for her, it touches Shay and burns. When the walls start closing in and she can’t breathe, Shay crumbles them and all Del feels is a breeze.

‘You’re going to get hurt,’ Fear says.

‘It’s worth it,’ Del replies. And when a terrified man starts raving at Shay as they’re trying to show him out of the Institute, Del doesn’t hesitate to get between them and shut him down with a harsh order to leave. He still doesn’t go of his own volition, but he’s taken back enough for the spider on his neck to get a solid hold.

Martin goes to all her plays. Jon helps her apply to uni. Sasha runs lines with her. Basira reads all her books to help her study. Daisy shows her how to pin someone twice her size. Shay grins.

It’s worth it. 

But the summer after they graduate, Shay meets Willa. 

Del won’t deny being a bit jealous, but that isn’t why she doesn’t like Willa. It’s because Willa would never tell Shay “You shouldn’t have done that,” even if she was secretly pleased. Willa would never step between Shay and an angry man to keep Shay from doing something they’d regret. Willa wouldn’t do anything she could to pull Shay back when they got too close to the edge. Willa is fuel to the fire, and the problem isn’t even that.

The problem is, she makes Shay forget they don’t like fire, and they love her for it.

“I’m worried,” Del says. “I’m afraid. Shay, you’re going to get hurt.”

“No, I won’t,” Shay says. But that’s wrong. That’s not how you respond to the fear of pain. They smile at her, and it hurts. It hurts. “You’re wrong about her. It’s going to be fine.”

But it isn’t.

‘You’re going to get hurt,’ Fear says. ‘It’s worth it,’ Del replies. Will always reply. It’s worth it for Shay. Now and forever.

But.

‘They’re going to destroy themself,’ Fear says. ‘And there will be nothing you can do but watch.’

And that. That’s not. Nothing is worth that. But what else can she do? She can’t keep them safe from themself.

As long as Shay never told her they were a monster, they’d thought, then maybe to her they weren’t. They were wrong, of course. Shay isn’t a monster to her even now. Shay is her best friend, her family, and nothing less.

‘You can’t help them,’ Fear says, and Del says ‘I know.’

She goes to Jon before she leaves.

“I can’t stay,” she tells him. “I can’t watch them walk into this knowing there’s nothing I can do.”

“I understand,” he says, sad but honest. “We’ll still be here. You aren’t leaving them alone.” And she knows. That’s the only reason she can do this.

“Just… I don’t know what I’m going to do without them.” Jon’s still terrible at hugs, but he tries, and he still doesn’t care when she sobs into his shoulder. “They’re going to make it through this, right?”

“They will. I know this is hard, but we understand.”

“You can still call us, you know,” Daisy says from behind her. “We won’t say anything. You don’t have to be alone either.”

“Are you joking?” she laughs. “You’re all terrible liars.”

“Okay, call Martin, then.”

“No. No, I- I think I need to try, at least. And, you know, if sometimes it feels like I’m being watched… I won’t mind.”

“Good girl,” Daisy says, and makes Del lean down so she can kiss her forehead. “If you try to lose our numbers—”

“Martin will just add them back in, I know.”

“Good. Come on, think you still have some things at ours. You’re staying the night. We’ll take you to the station tomorrow.”

“You’re going to get hurt,” she tells Shay just before boarding the train that will take her to university. To the next chapter of her life. Without them. “I hope someday you can show up to one of my plays and tell me it’s worth it. But until then, I can’t bear to sit here and just let it happen. I love you. So much. But until you can say, with absolute certainty, that this is worth what you’ll lose… please don’t contact me.”

‘Well done,’ Fear says. ‘You got yourself hurt.’

‘If it makes them reconsider,’ Del replies, ‘just enough that they survive… then it’s worth it.’

‘You’ll never see them again,’ Fear says.

“Yes, I will,” Del states, because anything else is unthinkable. Yes, she will.

[justsmilestuffhappens]

Anonymous Prompt Queue 2.0

Listed in order of receiving them

*Thoughts / Details in a Reblog

1

Prompt: Eddie's parents are once again berating Eddie and pressuring him to yet again come back to Texas. Eddie's mom is particularly cutting with her words, and then Eddie's mom and Dad feel this frigid, menacing presence behind them. They turn to see Buck staring at them with the coldest eyes and looking angry in a way the NO ONE has ever seen him get. He towers over Ramon and Elena and when he speaks, it is a single word "Apologize." Color Eddie a bit scared and a lot turned on. 

2

Prompt: Sweet but smutty. Eddie gets insanely jealous of Abby being anywhere near Buck, even though she has a fiancé. After the train wreck, Eddie shows up at Buck's place and basically stakes his claim, making passionate love to Buck and biting his neck hard and way above the collar for everyone to see. When Buck does go to have a goodbye talk with Abby, Buck doesn't hide that he has someone too. They part with peace and smiles looking forward to the rest of their lives. 

3

Prompt: After the lawsuit Buck is all alone and all his attempts to get the team to see his side fail miserably. One night while trying to sleep, there is someone standing at the foot of Buck's bed. The intruder is suddenly on Buck, trying to strangle him. Buck ends up playing dead and when the guy lets go, Buck unleashes his own rage and beats his attacker to a pulp. Battered and bleeding, Buck calls Eddie who is furious until he gets that something is very wrong. Everyone comes running fast. 

4

Prompt: Elena and Ramon visit and maybe once again try to convince Eddie to come back to Texas, when Buck shows up and Eddie's parents can't help but be charmed. He is just so good with both Chris and Eddie. They are intrigued by him. They get more than they bargain for when Buck is tending to Chris and Chris asks Buck about his parents and Buck reveals that his parents actually starved him, even when he did nothing wrong. Cue Eddie's parents getting protective over Buck and apologizing to Eddie

5

Prompt: Maddie is heavily pregnant and she and Buck have lunch. They are heading back to Buck's car when this psychotic looking woman suddenly ambushes them demanding Maddie's baby because her own child died. The lady pulls out a taser and actually shoots it at Maddie, but Buck gets in the way. Maddie is stunned when Buck doesn't even flinch and proceeds to knock the psycho out cold. Help arrives, Buck is only concerned with Maddie and the baby, and chaos erupts when the firefam finds out. 

6

Prompt: Post-lawsuit Eddie wins a fight but his rage isn't budging. With Chris at Abuela's Eddie shows up at Buck's place. Buck is actually in no mood and tries to close the door when Eddie forces his way in and starts unloading on him. Buck is hurt to his core but instead of breaking, Buck snaps and verbally decimates Eddie in turn. Their tempers boil over and they are on each other, punching, kicking, almost bone-breaking which becomes bruising kisses, harsh bites, and cathartic lovemaking.   

7

Prompt: Eddie is mad at Buck over the lawsuit, they get trapped in a collapsed building with the air running out. Eddie stubbornly holds onto his anger but Buck comes up with the 'perfect' solution. He pulls a knife and prepares to use it on himself, like a stab to the heart or his jugular. Eddie freaks out and wrestles the knife away just as help finally arrives. Buck goes home expecting to be alone when Eddie barges in. Life affirming lovemaking happens, then Eddie takes Buck home to Chris

8

Prompt: Buck decides to try new things so as to to feel so lonely when the rest of the team bails on him. One such new experience is going to a Hollywood visual effects class where he volunteers to get made up to look severely injured or even dead. Pictures are taken and somehow a fee get accidentally sent to the team. By the time Buck gets home everyone is there frantic to see him and make sure he’s ok. Eddie is furious and of course he lashes out but Buck isn’t going to stand for it this time

9

Prompt: the murder hornet got me thinking of Buck shielding Chris at the park and getting stung badly. Carla calls 911 and Eddie and everyone rushes to Buck’s side. He’s thrashing in so much agony the doctors are having a hard time treating him. Buck literally begs Bobby or Maddie to KILL him. Horrified Eddie grabs him and kisses him hard, distracting Buck enough to get safely sedated. Cue the emotional turbulence and angst! 

10

Dialogue prompt: Upset Buck: I am not exhausting. I am not your husband and even though I would have loved being that, now I honestly don't think I should even want to be, not after what you've said, how awful you made me feel, and the fact that not once did you think to apologize for hurting me like you that. What you said to me that day at the grocery store has tainted how I see myself and every action I take. I give you my all Edmundo, but what do I really get in return from you? 

11

Dialogue Prompt: If Buckley was so wrong, how come he won his lawsuit? This department doesn't shell out millions of dollars to just anyone. You know, him refusing to take the money saved all of you from a world of hurt. Internal Affairs already have you all in its sights for some of the other crap you've all pulled. Had he taken the money, it would have been the keys to your little kingdom. We've been informed of how you and your team have been treating Buckley and it stops right this second.

12

Prompt: Buck's closure with Abby going different. Instead Abby and her fiancé show up at the station to thank Buck. It is like rubbing salt in a wound without them actually meaning to. Quietly furious and jealous Eddie materializes next to Buck. Buck is a bit taken aback when Eddie actually wraps his arm around him. Ironically Chris and Carla show up and both go running. Abby sees that Buck has a family of his own. Eddie of course gives Abby this silent, scathing look and the team does too.  

13

Prompt: Buck and Eddie somehow fall into water and Buck is trapped behind debris. Eddie is pulling at the stuff trying reach Buck. Buck reaches through a space in the debris and pulled Eddie in for a kiss before he shoves Eddie away and more debris falls between them. Eddie swims up to the surface and starts screaming in despair. Buck stays calm and somehow finds a way out. He pops up further away from everyone and has to walk back to the initial scene. He shows up like Eddie does in 3.15.  

As of the afternoon on May 19th

*I'll reblog this again with my first thoughts on them since it'll take time and this is already long

*side note a lot of these are gonna be altered either to lighten them up because I see them going down different or they've been done before and I'm adding my own spin

[leahxx129]

Tragedy of Butterflies (Peter Quill x Reader)

Hi there. Quick personal note: it appears that the personal thing I’m struggling with at the moment will go on for around another month, but I have lots of story ideas and will try to write & post some. 

As for the story... I feel like that Chris Pratt is the most underrated Chris from all the MCU Chrises, so I wanted to show a little love for him & one of his more famous character.

Summary: As a result of the Snap, Peter Quill dies in your arms and your heart shatters to pieces since you’ve been secretly in love with him for quite a while now. What happens 5 years later when everyone is brought back to the battle field, including some very unexpected people? 

Warnings: cursing 

Word count: 1.630-ish

You have no idea how much time has passed since the wizards brought everyone to the field and the guy with the shield commenced the battle against Thanos, but you’re pretty sure about one thing - within the next couple of minutes you’re going to suffer an excruciating death.

The creature knocked you over in a blink of an eye, you never even saw it coming, and both of your machetes flew out of reach. You can brush one’s handle with your fingertips but it’s still a far stretch... You desperately try to take in a few punches, but the damn thing is clawing at you with a foaming mouth, wanting to tear your throat out like a freaking otherworldly Cujo, so the majority of your energy is invested in self-defense. Even through the beast’s grumble you can hear the battle screams and death rattle of warriors trying their best to defeat the other army and fail at it.

Your arms are getting numb and a strange mixture of calmness and serenity dazes your mind. Maybe death wouldn’t be the worst-case scenario. You’re tired and you’ve certainly done your fair share over the years… Then his face flashes before your eyes and you relinquish every single thought of surrender in an instant.

He always demanded everyone to call him Star-Lord, but to friends he was Quill and to you, only Peter. You can’t just go down like this, you owe putting up a real fight to him. That’s the least you could do since you were unable to save him the first time you all faced Thanos…

You’ve known Peter since you were a little girl. You happened to be in the hospital when his mom died and followed him outside just to accidentally be snatched by Yondu as well...

He was nothing but a silly boy to you for a very long time – he would pull your hair, try to frighten you by telling ghost stories or play mean pranks on you... Then one day you suddenly realized he became so much more, and the mere fact that you had no clue how it happened scared the crap out of you.

Naturally, this escaped his notice, so every time he obtained a new notch in his belt, you died a little inside and swore an oath that you’d never be one of his conquests. An oath you broke not long after having sworn it... You fell so miserably in love with the man that you let yourself turn into his occasional bed warmer because even a relationship like that was more than nothing. At least that’s what you made yourself believe to help you sleep at night...

His lips felt incredibly soft as he peppered your neck with featherlight kisses in the dark.

His fingertips almost made you catch on fire when they traced your skin under the covers.

And the way he whispered sweet nothings into your ears when nobody else was around brought you to the verge of losing your goddamn mind every single time.

You found him completely and utterly intoxicating. Peter was addictive like a drug. And you lived for the high.

For a short period of time it looked like as if he was beginning to return your feelings, but then Gamora showed up and shattered every illusion to a thousand pieces. You couldn’t blame her - it’s not like she demanded Peter to shower her with his attention. But you couldn’t blame Peter, either, because Gamora was close to perfection… so, all you did was blaming yourself and pretending to be happy for the slyest thief in the galaxy day after day.

Truth be told, every night when you closed your eyes you imagined how it would feel like if the Zehoberei woman just simply got out of the picture, but with God as your witness, you never wished for her departure to be this way. When Thanos revealed on the Titan that he’d murdered her, the confession broke Peter and seeing him like that broke you.

Then came the Snap.

Peter pulverized in your arms and you would have given everything in the entire galaxy to trade your life for his. Later on, you joined Rocket and you’ve been by his side ever since as he appeared to be the only one to share your grief and understand your pain, but more importantly, he was the only other remaining member of the guardians and being close to him reminded you of better times.

Your fingers inch a bit closer to the machete’s handle but when you try to flick it in your direction the only thing you manage to do is just push it farther away.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” you yell as a generous amount of the monster’s saliva lands on your neck a second later. “Could this situation get any worse?”

The answer comes right away when the thing overpowers you and you feel a set of razor-sharp teeth sink into your shoulder. The scream ripping from your lungs makes your own blood run cold. You close your eyes and await the next – and probably the last - lash out but it never comes. Instead, you hear a gun shot and the beast collapses onto you. Realizing that you’re still alive and kicking, you push it off and freeze at the sight of your savior. He’s standing far away, face not visible, but you could recognize that stance anywhere.

“Peter?!” you scream his name and hope he heard it through all the turmoil.

The stranger touches the side of his mask to reveal the face you haven’t seen in the past five years but dreamt of every single night.

Not minding the shoulder wound you jump to your feet and start limping towards him, picking up the pace when you see him do the same. Within a couple of seconds, the distance is closed, and you fall into his arms, tears streaming down your face. The familiar minty scent invades your nostrils and you can feel his stubble tickle your face. It’s him. It’s really him. You hug him even tighter.

“Peter…” you lean away a few inches to be able to look into his eyes but before you can say anything, he crashes his lips onto yours, leaving you completely dumbfounded. You kiss him back, nevertheless.

“What was that for?” you ask after breaking apart, shielding your genuine curiosity with a small smile.

“I love you.” He breathes against your lips, panting heavily.

Your eyes widen.

“Okay, I must have a little monster saliva clogging my ears because what I heard was that you love me and that cannot be the real reason.”

He lets out a chuckle.

“I don’t know about the saliva sweetheart, but you heard me right.”

You eye him suspiciously.

“I don’t get it.”

His signature lopsided smile appears on his face, but his gaze radiates sadness. You remind him of what his mom used to tell him about the tragedy of butterflies. Their wings are exquisitely beautiful and yet they can’t see them, just as you can’t see your own beauty and worth.

“I’ve loved you for quite a while now, Y/N.” he caresses your cheek with his thumb. “When we became friends…uhm… with benefits… I-I thought it was better than nothing, so I went along. But deep inside I knew it was not enough for me. And I couldn’t imagine a galaxy where someone like you would seriously be interested in someone like me. So, when Gamora showed up I decided to move on and try to develop a healthy relationship with somebody else… so much for that, huh?”

“Oh, Peter…” you begin but he hushes you.

“Ssshh, okay, just let me finish please.” He takes a deep breath, obviously struggling to hold back tears. “I cared for her. I really did. But when I woke up in that strange place, do you know who’s name I was screaming for hours? Yours. I loved her but I’m in love with you. Promise you’ll never leave me, please.”

You open your mouth to respond but a series of gunshots rip through the air missing your head just by inches and one of Thanos’ mutant soldiers collapses behind your back.

“I’m really glad you two idiots have finally figured your shit out but we’re on a battlefield right now and I can’t keep on saving your asses while you’re having a heart-to-heart!”

Nebula’s familiar voice provides an explanation for the shots but when you both turn to her direction, she’s not alone. You can feel a knot form in your stomach.

“Gamora?” Peter asks incredulously.

“Who’s this guy?” the person in question turns to Nebula with a clueless facial expression.

“He was hitting on you in an attempt to forget how desperately in love he was with the girl he’s holding right now.”

Gamora’s eyebrows fly up.

“Wow… and the me in this dimension didn’t see through the situation? No wonder she’s dead.”

“This dimension? What’s going on? Is she from a different one?” you find your voice and address the question to Nebula.

“We don’t have time for this. I’ll tell everything after this is over... you know, on the off chance we survive...” She flashes a mechanic smile and disappears with her sister.

Peter is still staring at the place where they stood just seconds ago. You gently put your palm on the side of his face and make him look you in the eyes.

“I promise!” you vow and kiss him hungrily.

There are two things you’re hoping for at the moment - you want to survive this battle more than anything so you could be with Peter and you also pray that Gamora’s return won’t affect a single thing.

[elcorhamletlive]

(not putting this under the cut because i want people to read it, but warning for MAJOR ENDGAME spoilers)

i’m doing my best to stay away from endgame discourse, but boy oh boy, the fact that fandom (especially the st0ny and the stu///cky fandons) has taken steve’s ending not as “oh, the writers gave this character an ending i do not enjoy” but as “this character sucks and is horrible/evil/a psycho” is... both the least surprising and most frustrating thing i’ve experienced in fandom.

because i just... i don’t know. how much more steve has to do? he stands there and takes it as tony snaps at him (and look tony’s been through A LOT at this point, i’m not gonna be upset at him for lashing out in such a situation, god knows the poor man needed it; but, yes, while he was saying a bunch of stuff that’s fair, he also said a ton of completely unfair things, such as acting as if ultron was a great idea and acting as if steve wasn’t there for him because he didn’t want to, and not because, you know, TONY DIDN’T CALL HIM); then, after they fail to retrieve the stones, he tries to move on, dedicates his life to helping others. he’s doing terribly in those five years - the team is all scattered around, he mostly can’t talk to anyone except nat (who’s also in a terrible emotional state), he lost all his closest friends in the world and his instinct is still to help, to sit down and listen to other people’s problems and tell them he’s proud of them when they’re making small progress. when scott comes back, he goes to tony once, understands his refusal and doesn’t push it - later, when tony comes back, steve even asks if he’s sure about giving him the shield, gives him one more change to back out and close off to him if he wants to.

then later in the movie tony asks him if he trusts him, steve says yes. he doesn’t get to see his best friend’s body or even grieve her properly - he just sits down and cries in silence, suffers in silence (as he’s done through his entire life), and then stands up ready to keep going, because he must. 

then during the final battle he wields mjolnir - thor screams “i knew it” which proves to us steve could have done it all along and just choose to not lift at the party in aou because he knew it would hurt thor’s feelings - he fights thanos with all he has, his shield is destroyed, and then when his friends come back he gets to say “avengers assemble” one time and fight, again, with all he has.

then he gets the task of going back with the infinity stones. and i’m not a fan of that ending, i’m really not, but the movie goes OUT OF ITS WAY to explain that he can’t change the future, he’s creating an entirely new timeline, he can’t stop the bucky we know from being tortured or the shield we know from getting infiltrated by hydra or anything of the sort. he knows that to his friends he’ll only be gone for five seconds, he knows they won’t miss him or need him in the meantime, so he gives himself this one thing and chooses to live a happy life with the woman he loves. 

and like. you don’t need to love this ending! i don’t! there are plotholes and many questionably things about it and it’s totally fine to be upset at them and point them out. i’m just left wondering why every time other characters do things fandom doesn’t agree with, the blame is on the writing; but when steve does it, the blame is on him, and fandom hurries to tear him down and bash him as much as they can for failing to be the version they carefully crafted of him through fanfiction and shitty meta (the version that’s nothing but a caregiver to hold bucky or tony and tell them how great they are and how much he failed them). 

and it’s just GLARING to me how every character gets to receive a little bit of empathy, a moment of reflection to think about their struggles and their own feelings, but somehow steve doesn’t, and everything he does must always be interpreted in the worst light possible and discussed as such. 

i don’t agree with the way the directors choose to finish steve’s arc, but they took a comic character that a lot of people didn’t know/care about and crafted this amazing character that became such a beloved icon for an entire generation. chris evans starred this movies and consolidated himself as one of the best superheroes’ performances of all time, on par with reeves’ superman. and instead of being grateful, or, god, even being bitter while affording him the slightest bit of respect, fandom tears him down for every. single. little. reason. and again, i get why people are angry, i get why people are upset, but the way people decide to direct this anger to bash this character and all he represents is just so incredibly telling and so upsetting.

tl;dr: steve rogers was a gift to the mcu, but, boy, the mcu fandom does not deserve steve rogers. 

[spaceiplier]

SPACEIPLIER: Moments

There was a sickening CRACK as Kathryn’s fist landed into the face of the guard. He stumbled back, clutching a broken and bleeding nose as Kathryn snarled at the small crowd gathered around her. More guards were running in. Amy was somewhere in that crowd, but pushed back and hidden as the other prisoners cheered and hurled insults.

There was a thought at the back of her mind. The thought that this wouldn’t change anything. This was her reality now. She should shut up. She should lie down and take it, because when she didn’t this is where it ended up. Bloody and full of screaming hate.

She wouldn’t take it.

She couldn’t just back down.

Every day, and every hour, she would keep fighting. Her goals were hazy, and every idea would only lead to most suffering, but she was tired. Kathryn was too tired and too angry to just take it.

So, with a snarl, she bared her fangs at the guards in a grin of hate, and lashed out again.

.

.

Watch the guards.

Count their steps.

Time the days.

Schedule the food.

Learn everything.

Amy’s finger tapped her thigh. Her eyes carefully watching the guard walk past her cell. They hadn’t noticed her. They would, but not yet. They hadn’t noticed that the lines on the walls weren’t days, but her notes in code. They hadn’t noticed the way she watched everything. How every question was pointed. They would notice eventually.

For now, Amy counted.

She learned.

Kathryn was a good distraction. Her anger, pulling eyes away from her plans. Amy felt bad that all her pain was an advantage, but Kathryn agreed. Escaping was more important. Fighting out of this was more important. They couldn’t stop. Not now.

So Amy planned, and Amy watched.

She owed it to him to not give up.

.

.

“This isn’t fair!”

Those words, shouted at the top of his lungs. Those words, burning his tongue the moment they touched it. Three words that summed up every event from the past few months. Wade couldn’t hold them back. Not when his commander sneered at the memory of a friend long gone.

Not when the commander told him to shut up and forget him.

“This isn’t fair!” Wade shouted, drawing every eye towards him. “This isn’t right, and it isn’t fair. Mark was a hero, and… and…”

“And what?” The commander – shorter than him by several feet – somehow leered down his nose at him.

“And what happened wasn’t fair.”

“Nobody gives a damn about fair,” the commander laughed, the other GAAP and GLE officers echoing that laughter. “But that attitude could use a dampener. Guard duty. Next two months, Barnes. Report to the GAAP Central Prison.”

Wade gathered his things and left.

It wasn’t fair.

None of this was fair.

.

.

They never let him out for long. Just long enough to eat, and to talk with Ethan. Tyler was considered extremely dangerous. Didn’t matter that he hadn’t tried to fight back since that night. He’d smashed a big enough hole in the wall that nobody wanted him in a cell with thinner walls, much less bars.

So he was alone.

Not that he would have been much better outside the cell. The only person he talked to was Ethan, and Ethan barely talked. The meal times were spent in silence. The recreational times spent shortly speaking before Ethan wandered off.

They were both alone, but at least they were alone in this together.

Tyler watched as Ethan left once again. Hands shoved in his jumper pockets, head ducked to avoid attention. He hated seeing him so quiet. He hated seeing what had happened to them set in.

But they were alone.

And there was nowhere to run.

.

.

The new guard was familiar, but Ethan couldn’t place him.

Balding head, dark eyes, and a kind but weary smile for everyone. He was so familiar. Who was he? Ethan knew he knew. He knew that he could just remember if he wanted. The information was there. The wonders of being an android, everything he learned was there forever. Every detail.

But for some reason, Ethan found himself walking towards the guard.

“Who are you?”

The guard jumped. Startled at Ethan’s sudden words. He looked down at him, smiling with confusion. “I’m sorry?”

“I know you. I know I know you. Who are you?”

“I’m Wade. Wade Barnes.”

The words clicked, and Ethan took a step back. Mark’s friend. The one from school. The one he’d left behind, but often talked fondly of. The childhood friend who had encouraged him to follow his dreams. The one Mark jokingly insulted, but loved as a brother.

“You were Mark’s friend.”

Wade’s eyes darkened. “Yes. I was.”

“Oh,” Ethan took another step back. “Yeah, cause he was a traitor.”

“No… no, not because of that. It’s just… he’s gone now,” Wade said. “I miss him.”

“Me too.”

Wade looked up, meeting his eyes with new interest. “You knew him?”

“Yeah. I was part of his crew.”

“Tell me about him.”

Ethan’s eyes flickered. “What?”

“Tell me about him,” Wade said. His hands fidgeted with each other. “I regret not reaching out. Not getting to know who he became after the academy. I regret not staying friends. If it’s alright… I want to know who he was. Not who the GAAP says he was.”

Ethan smiled. “Okay.”

And so he did. Talking for hours, until he was forced to go back to his room. Talking and talking about all his memories. All the stupid things Mark did. Talking about their adventures, and their failures. Every day on the Barrel. Every story he remembered, and he remembered everything.

“Can we do this again tomorrow?” Ethan asked as the sirens signaled for him to back. To go get shut off and die for the night.

“Of course,” Wade said. “My route will take me on the other side of the lot, but I’ll be here.”

“Cool,” Ethan smiled.

For once, he didn’t feel so scared of the next day.

.

.

86 attempts.

It was about to become 87. Jack picked up his handheld welder. The same modal as the one he’d given Amy. It fit in his hand with the same comfort as a gun. His weapon that he’d use against those that had hurt him. Those that had hurt them all.

86 attempts at breaking into that prison again. 86 attempts at bringing them home.

It didn’t matter what happened to him. Not this metal leg, not the new scars appearing with every attempt, and not the bags building under his eyes. It didn’t matter.

Because he’d try until the end of time if it meant he’d fix this.

86 times was nothing.

Not when he had so much more time.

.

.

“Why don’t we help them?”

“Because, my dear friend, Chris; we’re not supposed to.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“It means, this isn’t finished. These players still have parts to play. Helping them would be silly. They have to fight. They have to struggle, and bleed, and cry, and die. Without the struggle, this would be boring. We can’t help when this is finally getting interesting.”

“You’re talking about this like it’s a story. This is real.”

“What is reality but a story?”

“Now you’re just being weird.”

“I suppose so.”

“Do you think they’ll win?”

“Who will win?”

“The good guys.”

“And who are the good guys?”

“Shut up, Peej. The people in jail.”

“Oh, them. Well I suppose so. Maybe not a win they want. Maybe not a win they expected. But it shall be a win for somebody.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

“Hah… you are right.”

“I hope they win.”

“So do I.”

“Don’t you know what the ending will be, though?”

“I am still allowed to hope.”

“I guess. You weirdo.”

“This is all weird. I should be no different.”

[the-cookie-of-doom]

“Poor Scott was inspired to commit suicide because he had to save everyone but was GUILTED out of it by Stiles instead”

“Poor Scott was inspired to commit suicide because he had to save everyone but was guilted out of it by Stiles instead”

https://princeescaluswords.tumblr.com/post/615021898044243968/a-little-controversial-question-if-the-show#notes

@taylorswiflt: A little controversial question… If the show ever made Scott go dark/evil/make a terrible but necessary decision, how would you want it to happen in a way that would make sense.

@princeescaluswords:

I think we already saw how it would happen in Ouroboros (5x08) with Scott’s violation of Corey’s mind.

Make no mistake, in this scene, Scott betrayed everything he had stood for from Season 1 in a desperate act to save Liam and Hayden. I love this scene, because it laid out that the very things that could push Scott into darkness were also the very source of his strength: his friends, his pack, his family.

Look at the relationships involved in that scene. His father-figure, Deaton, had vanished. The sheriff, who used him as free labor, had arrested his girlfriend for murder. His mother had mouthed some bullshit about ‘I can’t tell you not to be a hero’ and then turned around and demanded he be a hero. Liam had basically made him swear a promise to do anything to protect a girl Liam had started having feelings for a literal week before. That’s on top of the responsibility Scott felt for Liam as beta. Meanwhile, Stiles and Lydia were pulling away, leaving him unsupported. He’s suffering from asthma. Fandom likes to paint Scott as oblivious, but even Scott knew he was losing, and people were dying because Scott wasn’t perfect. In his own words: “I know something’s coming. And all I can think about is how good am I going to be if I can’t even breathe?“

Every single season, Scott had been pushed by the people he cared about to be a super-hero so they didn’t have to be. In Season 1, Stiles literally tortured Scott and then had him beaten by seniors because he’s pissed off, yet then turned around and said “Look, you have something, Scott. Okay? Whether you want it or not, you can do things that nobody else can do. So that means you don’t have a choice anymore. It means you have to do something.” In Season 2, his own mother didn’t talk to him for a week out of horror for his new state, and then when she finally did talk to him like a person, she says “If you can do something to help, then you do it. You have to.”

In Season 3, Scott literally was inspired to commit suicide because he couldn’t take the pressure of having to save everyone. Allison tries to tell him that Derek wasn’t his fault, but he doesn’t believe her, because no one before had ever acted like that was true. Instead, he’s guilted out of suicide by having Stiles insist on dying with him. It was touching, but Stiles’ action didn’t address the underlying problem. By this point, Scott had clearly equated his self worth with being a hero.

Scott was never convinced that it was okay for him to fail as the True Alpha, a power he never asked for and didn’t want. Derek basically crowned him Protector of Beacon Hills and then fucked off to South America. His heart literally stopped and his mother told him that same night “You’ll get them back. You have to.” His best-friend screamed at him “Where were you?” when he had been lying dead. That same mother whispers from her possible death bed “Don’t run. You fight.” The sad part of this is, I could go on with more examples of people equating Scott’s personal value with his lycanthropic status.

No pressure there. /sarcasm

The only three people to ever tell Scott that he doesn’t have to save everyone were Alan Deaton, Chris Argent, and fucking Theo Raeken. Alan Deaton was the only person on the show (leaving romance out of it) to value Scott without preconditions, to like Scott for Scott and not what his powers could accomplish. He’s the one who cautioned Scott about taking on burdens he might not be able to handle. Chris Argent is the only person to treat Scott like he didn’t have to be personally responsible for winning all the time and was willing to put his money where his mouth was by flying from France not to just to help but to also take responsibility.

Look at how Theo in 5A and 5B gets under Scott’s skin. He was the only person to recognize the amount of pressure Scott’s so-called friends and family had put him under. From “You guys do this a lot, don’t you… Get involved.” in A Novel Approach (5x05) to “Just let it happen. Let it go. Let everything go.” in Apotheosis (5x20) Theo recognized that his pack’s requirement that Scott be the hero they needed – without regard for the fact that Scott was just a kid like them – was Scott’s weak spot. And Theo used that, big time.

This all added up, and it never stopped. In the freaking series finale, Scott was confronted by his greatest fear, which wasn’t that he’d die before he went to college or that he’d be perpetually locked in a battle with the supernatural and never have control over his own life, it was that he would fail to protect his friends and family.

You want to imagine a scenario that would drive Scott McCall to the dark side? Take a teenage boy, turn him into a werewolf, and then teach him, repeatedly, that the only way people can love him is if he becomes a flawless paragon of heroism. If he screws up, a person he loves will die in his arms. If he screws up again, another person he loves will be locked away in the desert, maybe forever. If he tries to explain why he failed, sneer at his petty excuse, “You’ll heal.” Make it clear to him that if he doesn’t win all the time, he’s a monster. Then have him lose – welcome to the dark side.

It could have easily gone that way. Imagine what would have happened, if instead of “being lucky this time” as the Sheriff put it, Melissa, Lydia, Mason, Chris, and Rafael had died when Gabe shot up the McCall house in Werewolves of London (6x17). Malia too wrapped up in Peter’s bullshit. Inexplicably, Deaton hadn’t even talked to Scott during 6B. Liam – Angry Wolf – would have held Scott back? We were very close to the scenario you were talking about, right on the screen.

~*~*~

Scott/Posey Stans do really enjoy painting Scott McCall as a whiny crybaby who’s neglected and mistreated by his ungrateful friends because they refuse to recognize how ‘better’ or ‘superior’ he is, don’t they? It’s never Scott’s fault, it’s always someone else’s – doesn’t matter if canon directly contradicts each and every single one of their self-insert power fantasies and delusions

Here’s an example: “I think we already saw how it would happen in Ouroboros (5x08) with Scott’s violation of Corey’s mind. Make no mistake, in this scene, Scott betrayed everything he had stood for from Season 1 in a desperate act to save Liam and Hayden. I love this scene because it laid out that the very things that could push Scott into darkness were also the very source of his strength: his friends, his pack, his family”

Pew tries to justify Scott’s disgusting violation of Corey by painting it as a selfless, heroic act, and claims that Scott did it to save Liam and Hayden. But canon explicitly shows us that Scott lashed out at Corey (“You’ll heal!”) to make himself feel better about using Hayden as bait against the dread doctors without her explicit consent, and that Hayden (Liam’s girlfriend) was literally DYING because of him. So no, what Scott did to Corey in Teen Wolf Season 5A was neither selfless nor heroic: it’s just abuse.

The most hilarious thing though is that any Teen Wolf fan who watched the actual show can easily dismantle every single lie Pew spews in this post – and on his blog in general – with canon receipts

Especially that delusional “Stiles and Lydia were pulling away, leaving Scott unsupported”, “Every single season Scott had been pushed by the people he cared about to be a super-hero so they didn’t have to be”, “Scott literally was inspired to commit suicide because he couldn’t take the pressure of having to save everyone. Instead, he’s guilted out of suicide by having Stiles insist on dying with him”, “Scott was never convinced that it was okay for him to fail as the True Alpha, a power he never asked for and didn’t want. Derek basically crowned him Protector of Beacon Hills and then fucked off to South America”, AND “Theo recognized that his pack’s requirement that Scott be the hero they needed was Scott’s weak spot” garbage

-

COOKIE

I’m sorry but. Scott was inspired to commit suicide because he couldn’t take the pressure? 

No. Full stop. 

Scott, BOYD, and ETHAN(? was it the other one?) tried to commit themselves because they were magically compelled to. It had nothing to do with Scott’s supposed “self-lessness”. And I’m sorry, but only PEW would take Stiles risking his own human life to save Scott, whom he loved like a brother, as a fucking guilt trip. I am more convinced than ever that this bitter old man has never had a friend in his life. 

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Ohana: Part 4

Pairings: Negan x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, fluff

Word Count: 3,483

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After fourteen hours, two slight meltdowns, and learning how to do an amputation on the fly through a text book, you managed to get Chris stable and patched up and get a salve on Mark’s burns. You limped down to your bed room just before dawn, fighting your tears with every step. Your whole body ached as you pushed open your bedroom door as quietly as possible but you hesitated just in the door way.

“Have you been here all night?” You asked Negan as you stepped the rest of the way into your room and closed the door behind you. He looked up from the book he was reading on your bed and nodded as he took off his black rimmed glasses.

“Well I had to learn about Ohana.” He said as he gestured to your TV with his glasses with a chuckle. “And magic carpet rides.” You huffed a laugh as you hobbled over to your dresser and grabbed a clean shirt on your way to the far side of the bed.

“She loves Lilo and Stitch.” You told him as you flopped down on the bed with a giant yawn. “I think she can quote that movie by now. Can you hand me that jar and the tube of lotion from my table?”

“How has she seen it so many times? Here, I got it.” You looked up at him and didn’t even try to fight as he peeled the sleeve off your leg and tossed it on the bed by his knees. You weakly pointed to the areas that needed the Icy Hot and leaned back against your headboard.

“Millions. I was one of those wack job, dooms-day preppers after I came home from Iraq. Built an underground bunker in my back yard, had enough food and water for me and my sister’s family, had solar panels in the back and a rain collection system… would’a lasted the four of us at least a year and a half.” You shook your head as you sat up a bit and pulled off your old shirt. “That’s the reason I got Brenna. I was babysitting when the final announcement went out; that Atlanta was shutting down and the military was stepping in. I knew that meant nothing good. So I packed up everything I could grab from my house, called and left messages with Sarah, and headed to the bunker with Brenna.” Tears welled in your eyes as Negan’s strong fingers worked magic on your sore stump.

“Brenna and I were down there for four years, five months, and 11 days before we ran out of food. And since I was unable to get any sort of radio station to come through and the news still wasn’t back up, I slipped into survival mode. I packed up some clothes and anything else I could carry, grabbed my motorcycle from my garage and stole my neighbors side car and hit the road with a four year old. I had no fucking idea what I was expecting but it damn sure wasn’t what I saw. Figured it would be like an apocalypse where everyone was just gone.” You rolled your head toward him on the headboard and shook your head.

“If I had known how bad it was I would have never left that bunker. I would have left Brenna in there and figured out a way to grow crops or searched my neighbors houses for food or figured out something down there to survive. I was fucking blindsided when we left my neighborhood but I just kept going. I showed no fear so my child would be strong and I just kept moving. I planned on trying to get back to my house but shit just kept happening. 

I was finally in a place that heading back seemed like it was finally a possibility. I had found those seeds you got in a gardening store and I knew I had planters in my garage but then my leg broke. My back up was always shitty so I figured I’d get to the prosthetics office to get the one I was supposed to get before the fall but then I found you. And this is the safest I’ve felt since I was in my bunker. And words could never be enough to thank you for that.” Negan smiled as he leaned back beside you with a small smile.

“It was my fucking pleasure, baby girl.” You both looked over at Brenna, who had herself curled into Negan’s other side on your pillow, when she stirred in her sleep. When she didn’t wake up, you yawned and stood up awkwardly to take off your dry blood covered jean shorts. “Does she know?” You looked up at him through your lashes, noticing that he was purposely being respectful and looking away from you at Brenna.

“No. She doesn’t.” You hopped once to get yourself closer to the bed and climbed onto the queen sized bed under your blankets with a big yawn. “She was only a couple months old when we went into the bunker and when Sarah never showed up… well I just took the easy way out on that one. She knows I had a sister but not that she was her birth mom.” He nodded as he pulled up his knees and got under the blankets beside you so you had more blanket as you laid down on Brenna’s pillow. “And now… I don’t know what I’d tell her.”

“If you want help figuring it out, I can help you.” A smile spread across your face as you subconsciously scooted closer to Negan’s warmth.

“Look at you. You said an entire sentence without saying fuck.” He chuckled as he grabbed his glasses.

“Shut the fuck up.” You let out a hummed laugh as you made yourself comfortable.

“Wake me up in an hour so I can check on the dumbass.”

“Sure thing, doc. Sweet dreams.” With a hum in response, you shifted so your forehead was just brushing Negan’s hip and passed out.

——

“Alright Mark. You’re all set for right now.” You said as you taped the last piece of gauze into place. You sat back and looked at him with tired eyes and a weak smile. “Now, consider this your breakfast change. I need you to come down to see me after every meal until I say other wise. Don’t touch your face and do your best to keep the bandage clean so you don’t get an infection. It could go straight to your brain and that’s just… not what we want.” Mark chuckled and nodded at you as you handed him a small cup with one Tylenol with Codeine and a regular Tylenol. “Try not to sleep on it, too. You could pull off the new skin trying to form and we don’t want that either. And if you have questions or need anything, come find me, OK?” He nodded his head as he got up off the exam table.

“Thanks a lot, doc.” You nodded at him once as you grabbed your tablet to update his chart and document the medications you gave him and treatment you used so he could pay for them with his points. You made a side note on a piece of paper to give to Negan before setting both aside to finally check on Chris. He was still asleep when you came back from your nap and you hoped for his sake, he stayed like that as you changed his bandages.

“Jesus, kid. You had one fucking job, man.” You mumbled as you carefully pulled off the tape and gauze. You set them both aside and turned your back for only a moment before all hell broke loose.

“My arm. What happened to my arm!” Chris screamed as you spun on your chair back toward him. Panic filled your soul as the kid started thrashing in pain.

“Hey whoa! Chris, calm down for me!” You screamed as you jumped to your feet… well, your left foot at least. “Hey stop!”

“My arm!” He screamed as he bashed the stump against the bedrail, easily ripping the stitches out like a knife through warm butter. Blood started gushing from his ripped open arteries, spraying you and the room with every beat of his heart. You scrambled to grab something, anything to use as a tourniquet but you couldn’t do that and stop Chris from thrashing at the same time.

“I need help in here!” You screamed as the heart rate monitor you had taken from the cancer hospital went wild above your head. You screamed, wondering why the hell his arteries and veins hadn’t curled into themselves for self preservation when the heart rate monitor flat lined.

“No! Kid, stay with me!” You screamed as you hopped one step over to start CPR but your foot slipped in the pool of blood on the floor. You hit the floor with a loud grunt and you instantly scrambled to try to get back up again. “Chris! Chris! Stay with me!” You screamed as you watched the pale limb sputter to just a drip. You swore loudly and punched the metal side of the hospital bed as all the fight to save the kid left you. You knew that even with a blood bank that you didn’t have, there was no chance for this kid to come back.

“Damn you kid!” You burst into tears and leaned your back against the exam table. You ran your hands through your blood soaked hair and sighed as you looked back up at the kid on your bed. Your eyes started to slip out of focus as you tried to figure out just how you could have gone about this differently and that was exactly how Negan and Brenna found you when they came to get you for breakfast forty-five minutes later.

“Mommy! We have apples…” You slowly glanced up just in time to see Negan yank your daughter backwards and pick her up.

“Hey, I need you to sit out here and wait for me, princess. I gotta talk to mommy.” You couldn’t hear Brenna’s response as you looked back at Chris’ pale body. “What the fuck happened?” You looked back at Negan and shook your head as he closed and locked the door behind him.

“He panicked. Negan, I tried but he wouldn’t stop thrashing and I slipped…” You burst into tears and Negan walked across the room to the bed as he pulled out his knife.

“You gotta get the damn brain.” He said as he plunged the blade into the boy’s skull. “They’ll fucking turn otherwise.” You nodded at him as he came over and pulled you into his arms. 

“I’m sorry!” You sobbed as he held your face into his shoulder and ran his fingers through your hair.

“Hey, no. You did exactly what you were fucking supposed to. That’s his mother fucking fault.” You nodded weakly and exhaustion finally started to kick in as the adrenalin wore off. You looked over at the sound of his crackling walkie. “Simon, I need you in the clinic immediately. Bring Frankie or Sherry with you.”

“I must of cut it at an angle.” You said to yourself as you looked at Chris’ lifeless body. “They should have rolled…” You shook your head as you pulled yourself out of Negan’s arms and went to wipe your tears away only to smear blood across your cheek. Negan huffed as he pulled off his ever present red scarf and used it to wipe off your face.

“Don’t you fucking dare blame yourself, baby girl. That kid knew the fucking risks and he fucking knew you were helping him. You did everything you fucking should have.” You nodded as someone knocked on the door. “Let me get Brenna settled then we’ll get you in the fucking shower so Simon’s boys can get this place cleaned the fuck up. You look like you were in a damn horror movie.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mommy? Why’s it still raining?” Brenna asked as she stood on your desk chair so she could look out the small window in your room a little over two months after you had gotten to the Sanctuary. You glanced up from the general surgery book you were currently studying and shrugged your shoulders.

“Because the clouds have a lot of rain in them, sweetheart. That rain has to go somewhere, doesn’t it?” You smiled at her little huff as she rested her chin on her folded arms on the window sill.

“Why can’t it go somewhere else?” She grumbled as she watched the rain beat against the windows in the grey afternoon sky. You laughed and looked back at your book to do your best to memorize how to do an appendectomy just in case. You were only able to see for a few more seconds before a large flash of lightening illuminated the room and caused the lights in your room to shut off.

“Brenna stay still! Don’t move! Don’t wiggle, I’m coming!” You shouted as you threw your book on the bed next to you. You grabbed your prosthetic and threw it on with no sleeve as Brenna started to cry because of the fear in your voice. You could barely see in the darkened room as you stood up from the bed and took a step toward the door only to get plowed over as someone rushed into the room.

“Fuck! Sorry…” Negan said as you landed hard on your hip on the thankfully carpeted floor.

“Get Brenna. She’s on a chair by the window.” Your daughter whined for him through her tears as he carefully meandered around the obstacles of books and clothes on the floor that Brenna always threw all over the place no matter how many times you picked them up.

“Come here, princess. I gotcha.” You pulled off your prosthetic so you could put the sleeve on first when your room was illuminated by the light of a flashlight.

“What the hell happened?” You asked as Simon came in to help Negan get you up off the floor.

“Lightning hit the fucking solar panels. We were heading to check out the fucking damage and we heard you yell.” You sighed and nodded as the two men helped you jump over to the bed.

“Bad- word- ‘egan.” Brenna sniffled as she climbed out of Negan’s arms and into yours.

“Yea, sorry princess. That’s a bad word.” You saw Simon give Negan a sideways glance as the latter stood up straight. “Stay on the bed. I’ll grab the lantern from the clinic. So far its just this part of the building and there aren’t much of us over here.” You nodded at him and cradled Brenna close as he snatched the flashlight from Simon and the clinic keys from the bedside table. As you ran your fingers through your baby girl’s hair, you could hear Negan’s rushed footsteps mingled in with the storm raging outside. You carefully scooted back on the bed to lean against the headboard as Negan came back in with the bright, battery powered back up lantern from the clinic.

“Let me know what happens with the panels?” You asked as he set the lantern down on the bedside table. He nodded as he leaned down and gently kissed Brenna’s forehead.

“You got it. Just stay still for me.” You nodded at him as he turned on his heel and gestured for Simon to follow him. 

——

You were sitting by the window, watching the rain pound against the glass since you couldn’t see much of anything else in the dark, night sky including the stars. You had forgotten how peaceful storms could be and as you sat there, you had to actually think about the last time you had seen a storm like this. It had to have been at least five years. A gentle knocking on your door caused you to turn in your chair.

“It’s open.” You said loud enough for whoever was seeking entrance to hear but not loud enough to wake up Brenna. You smiled as Negan stuck his head in the door and looked for you on the bed with a flashlight. “Window.” He smirked as he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

“Thought I told your ass to stay on the fucking bed.” You nodded at him as you leaned your arm on the window frame.

“I wanted to watch the rain.” He nodded as he turned on the lantern on the table and shut off the flashlight. “It’s so peaceful, don’t you… hey, what are you going?” He smirked again as he pulled out a small pile of sleep clothes from under your bed. 

“Brenna and I have fucking slumber parties when you’re at fucking work. Shut up.” You giggled as you turned around to look out the window so he had some privacy to change out of his soaking wet clothes.

“So what happened with the solar panels?” You inquired as you watched a small bolt of lightening light up the sky. You heard your guest sigh as he tossed his wet clothes toward your bathroom.

“We lost fucking two of them. Fried to shit. But two out of fucking thirty ain’t that fucking bad.” You startled a bit as he came over and gently touched your right thigh to get your attention. “Get up.” You nodded as you got up and he took the chair. “We spent the rest of the fucking day covering that shit up with fucking tarps.” You whistled as he put his hands on your hips and pulled you back down onto his thighs. “It’s just another fucking pain in the ass for me to have to move people around to give them power…”

“You know we can get more solar panels, right?” You asked as you situated yourself comfortably on his lap so you were looking out the window. “I have eight of them at my old house in the garage. I doubt they were something that got raided in the past year.”

“Well fuck me, sweetheart. You continue to became the most valuable person in this fucking place.” You smiled and leaned into his chest as he put his hand on your hip. The two of you sat and watched the rain for a few minutes before you huffed a laugh.

“Do you know this is the first time you’re having a real sleep over with me, too.” You felt Negan’s chuckle against your shoulder as he wrapped his other arm around your middle and laced his fingers together on your hip.

“I like your fucking company. So much more enlightening than the time I spend with my fucking wives. Plus, Brenna calls me the fucking King. And my fucking ego loves that shit.” You couldn’t help put giggle as you poked his stomach and laid your head on his shoulder.

“Let the record show I am absolutely not joining you and your sister wives, thank you.” You could almost hear his eyes roll as he tightened his arms around you.

“I honestly wouldn’t fucking want you too. Those bitches are with me because of what I can fucking give them. You spend time with me because you actually fucking want to. Big fucking difference.” You nodded against his shoulder as you both watched a flash of lightening streak across the sky. You both jumped a bit as a loud clap of thunder rattled the windows violently.

“Mommy!” You pulled yourself from Negan’s arms and he instantly lifted you up and carried you over to the bed.

“Hey, it’s OK, sweetheart.” You soothed as you got into bed and pulled Brenna into your arms. “Did the thunder scare you?” She nodded against your chest as Negan got into bed behind her.

“You know what my mom used to tell me?” He asked as he pulled up the blankets over the three of you. Brenna shook her head as she rolled onto her back and looked over at him. He smiled down at her as he propped his head up on his hand. “She told me that the reason we had thunder was because the angels in heaven were bowling. So, when you get really, really scared, just remember that your Aunt Sarah and Uncle Mike are up in heaven bowling, OK?” She nodded as she gripped the blanket tight and held it up to her chin. Negan smirked and reached out to boop her nose as you tucked her Stitch stuffed animal beside her. 

“How ‘bout Negan and I stay here all night to protect you?” You asked as you laid down on the pillow next to her. 

“Like Ohana?” You glanced up at Negan, who didn’t hesitate with his nod.

“Yea, princess. Like Ohana.”

Part 5

[not-sebastian-stan]

Sebastian Stan Imagine- My king Part 1/?

A/N: I have been really into the Royal AU lately so I made this! Hope you enjoy!

Summary: Y/n is KIng Chris’s personal servant. and at his latest party he gives her away to kind Sebastian, given that his new bride can do the tasks Y/N did. That night Y/n moves to Kind Sebastian’s castle.

The smell of freshly made bread lingers around the kitchen. Mixed with different kinds of spices and some kind of burnt food that you can’t recognize. You would think that it would be a horrible smell, yet it is delicious. It screams the word party with every letter, at least in the castle. Someone pushes a plate of stuffed eggs in your hands and tells you to “ move your ass and serve it out “. So that’s what you do. You try to walk with the straightens spine you can as you open the doors to the ballroom. It’s packed with people. Different kinds of people. Kings, Queens, Lords, and some servants how are trying there best to serve out the food without letting to food fall or being pushed over. 

You take a deep breath as you walk into the group of people. You hold the plate high, but not too high. Just at a height was people can grab the food but not push the plate out of your hands. Your ears try to pick up as much gossip as possible. There doesn’t happen a lot in the castle. But when there is something going on, the news spreads like a fire. “ Hey Y/N! “ a familiar voice says. You turn around to see King Chris, the king that you are working for, waving at you to come over. You quickly walk towards him. 

King Chris lays a hand on the shoulder of a man standing next to him. Someone how you know to be King Sebastian. He comes over a lot, so he became known to you. “ Sebastian meet Y/N. “ He says. The brunet man nods at you as you quickly bow. “ She has been my personal servant for years!” Chris says, making the -ea in years extra long. “ Maby you would like to have her, I don’t need her anymore. “. Even though you don’t know Chris that well it still hurts. To hear him talk about you like your some kind of pet that he can give to someone else when he is bored of it.

Sebastian nods. “ I guess I’ll take her. My old servant past away during a labour, “ he says with a big smile. How can he smile about something like that? “ Great! You can take her with you tonight.”. Chris turns to you again. “ Pack your stuff. “. You nod as you walk away. A strong hand, you guess that it would be Sebastian because is much larger and softer than Chris’ hand, grabs your wrist and turns you around. It was Sebastian’s indeed. He grabs an egg off your plate and gives you a quick smile as he puts it in his mouth. You bow again before you walk away to pack your stuff. 

----

You stand at the front door, saying goodbye to everyone. You have lived in the castle your whole life. You were even born there. And the leave it and everyone in it was very hard for you. But as a servant, you had no choice. When a king tells you to do something, you do it. Easy as that. Yet now you wish that you had put up a fight. But your good morals told you not to. That and you knew that your parents would be disappointed if you were disobedient. So you what you did is ask kind Sebastian if you could have an extra five minutes to say your good-byes. Him being the kind person, he allows you to do it. You gif the last servant, Lisa, a hug. You smile at all 35 of them as you make your way over to King Sebastian’s carriage. He helps you to get in it by giving you his hands since he is already in it. You smile as you sit down in front of him. You lay your bag on the floor. It isn’t a big one. Mostly because you don’t have that many clothes, but also because you simply don’t have enough money to buy a bigger bag.

“ So your Y/N? “ the king asks. You look up from the floor at his eyes for a second before nodding. You hear him push out a breath, something that most people accompany with a smile. But you don’t dare to look up to see if you are correct. “ How long have you been working for Chris? “ he asks as the carriage starts to move. Within seconds you are moving fast. Probably because it’s late and everyone just wants to sleep. “ For my whole life, my king, I was born in his castle. “. He nods. Through you lashes, you can see his hair bouncing with the movement. “ COuld you please look up? “ he asks. This takes you back a little. “ I-I just like to see someone’s face when I talk to them, “ he explains. Quickly you look up at him. He looks different know. Around his friends, he looks like a thought yet funny guy. But now he looks like the kind of guy that would own five horses just because he likes how fluffy they are. Or the kind of guy that would eat cake for breakfast because he can share it with everyone.

“ So, I guess that you’re my personal servant now. Right? “ he asks. You nod as you say “ Yes, my king. “. Just when you thought his smile couldn’t get any bigger it did. It’s like he said “ no “ to physics and expanded his smile even tho it wasn’t possible. He leans a bit closer to you, resting his elbows on his knees. “ What are you good at? “ he asks. You try to think of everything you can do. “ Ehm...Well, I can read, write, cook, clean, knit, sew and I can care for animals and children, “ you say. “ That sure is a lot. I can’t even come out of my bed in the morning. “. You giggle softly, something that Sebastian likes. 

Chris didn’t just give you to him, no. He wouldn’t give his best servant away just because he got a bride now. No, he did it because Sebastian seemed to like you. Even if he didn’t like you romanticly, he clicked with you. The conversations that you two had in Cris’s castle made that very clear. And Chris wanted his friend to have someone to talk to. Sebastian gets locked up in his head very easily, so he wanted to give him a friend to talk to. And now he had one. A very kind one.

Permanent taglist: @thecrazyoneshavetakenover

[incorrect-bom]

*peeks inside trenchcoat* yes some headcanons would be nice

*rubs my grubby hands together* Hoooooooo boy you sure? Because I have a lot of feelings about my son James Nicholas Church!! :

He’s a baseball player okay

And damn does he look good in the tight uniform, swinging the bat so every muscle in body clenches and ripples obviously under the skin tight clothes, his sweaty fringe falling in his firm focused eyes, 

AND THIS BOY CAN RUN JESUS

This boy got thicc thighs I’m telling you they’re like softest pillows Chris can confirm 

Didn’t really know his sexuality for a while because he never really thought about it but then found some more obscure terms online and saw polysexual and decided he liked it 

Mostly because then he wasn’t limiting himself to just two but he still didn’t know if he was attracted to all genders he just knows he likes Chris

A HUGE dog person 

Has really messy dark hair that never settles into one place he just kinda shoves it out the way when it gets in his face 

His glasses are ‘fashionable’ I guess? Sort of thick black frames that outline his dark eyes nicely and make his dark lashes look darker

Someone once complimented him on his glasses and he blushed for the rest of the day what a cutie

Definitely, gives his teacher presents on the last day of school because he’s the sweetest peach

Helps old people across the road

Doesn’t know how to react to flirting just kinda stares while blushing and opening and closing his mouth

His favourite non-Mormon uniform outfit is to wear some jeans and a plaid shirt rolled to the elbow over the top of a t-shirt 

He has freckles across his nose that only multiply from the Uganda sun, matching the ones on his back and over his shoulders

Doesn’t bruise easily so Chris has to try extra hard to give hickeys

Favourite flavour ice-cream is Rocky Road

SALTY POPCORN AND HE WILL FIGHT YOU ABOUT IT

Fiddles with his glasses and drags his hand through his hair when he’s nervous

Has a really toothy smile but stares at the floor when he does because he gets shy about it

His laugh is adorable - it’s hearty and he throws his head back, giggling as it fades, rubbing his pink cheeks

V E R Y tall about 6′ 4″, a few inches taller than Kevin which really pisses him off  so he’s a bit lanky even if he joined baseball to try and build a bit of muscle

Has deepish voice that is extremely gravelly in the morning 

Favourite breakfast meal is a bowl of Frosties with a glass of orange juice and a stolen half of Chris’ cookie dough poptarts

Smells like green apples because of his shampoo

Has really nice hands they’re a little coarse from baseball but they’re large and thin so slip between your fingers very smoothly (even if they’re usually cold) 

THESE NEXT ONES ARE SAD

He flinches a lot when people touch him without warning, a lingering result of his abusive upbringing 

Tends to throw himself into his baseball as a coping mechanism like how Chris found him at 3am in a batting cage furious hitting balls, with tears dripping down his face

Hates to swear and flinches the most in the beginning when they started to because it reminded him of what his father would scream at his mother

Has commitment issues and a lot of insecurity about relationships as well as a reluctant towards the existence of true healthy love due to the only relationship he’d been exposed to was severely unhealthy 

When he was 3 months into his Uganda mission he got a call from his mom to tell him his dog had died and he cried for two days 

Got teased a bit at school because he didn’t watch football as it reminded him of the origins of his dad’s anger

Doesn’t have as many panic attacks as he once did, only a few a years, which he was getting better at bouncing back from, even though they were terrifying and caused a constant nagging of dread for when he could have his next one 

After Kevin, James is the most doubtful of God’s existence, even if it wasn’t too much, but why would He place his mother in such a violent and scary position if he was all loving?

Cries when he’s being yelled at which cause some teasing from his peers whenever he was told off in school 

When Elder McKinley chides him for the first time his voice raising a little no doubt from the stress he was feeling from trying to get at least ONE baptism, he bursts into tears because he looks up to Connor so much 

Connor immediately stops and hugs him tightly, before quickly dismissing him and James was thankful he didn’t ask

Chris is mostly used to James crying in his sleep, and he just brushes his fringe from his forehead, heart breaking as he listens to the small whimpers calling out for his mother - but James had told him a long time ago not to wake him as they only happen for a few short moments

In conclusion, I love my boy James and he deserves the world 

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Rewards of Losing:  Chapter 11

Mizael brought his breakfast over to the tiny counter that served him to eat on, paging through the local news updates. So far, no new disappearances had been announced. He’d kept a closer watch on those the last day or so. He couldn’t be certain if that meant Marufuji – Ryou – was involved or not. It wasn’t exactly something he could ask the man himself, after all.

But at least no one else had vanished. That was for the best.

In the back of his thoughts there still floated the memory of walking through the Night Garden with Ryou. As pleasant as it had been, there was still a vague sense of something being off. As if Ryou wasn’t telling him everything that he could or should.

A thump on the balcony brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to see Kei there. He blinked; he hadn’t expected the Healer Cat to turn up.

“Good morning,” he greeted, starting to get up. It would be rude not to offer breakfast, even for an uninvited guest.

Kei shook his head. “I’m not hungry. I’m angry.”

Mizael froze in place. “What happened?” It had to be something with Ryou. What had Kei found out?

The Cat stalked closer, tail lashing, claws clicking on the floor. “We have a Firestarter who is an utter idiot.” He all but spat the words out. “And we have a great deal to prepare for in a very short amount of time.”

Breakfast seemed very unimportant all of a sudden. “What happened? What’s going on?”

What he heard wasn’t at all what he’d expected. An oncoming invasion – with scant two days before it would happen. Ryou not only knew about it all along but complicit in making it happen.

The more he heard, the more he wanted to scream in rage and then call every dragon in his deck to defend the city. He managed to fight his rage back, if only when Jinlong rested an insubstantial hand on his shoulder.

Peace. We won’t survive this without thinking rationally, hatchling.

Mizael didn’t want to think rationally. He wanted to find Ryou and do unspecified things out of sheer rage. But he fought his temper back. That could be done later.

“So what can we do?” He paced back and forth. “Is there anything that we can do?”

Kei heaved his shoulders. “That I don’t know. I knew that I had to tell you. Did you want to try to talk to Ryou?” His whiskers twitched. “Though I can’t say for certain if he’ll be there long enough to be talked to. The message required that all of the agents return to Fusion.”

Mizael frowned. “I think I should.” He knew from what Kei said that Ryou hadn’t listened – that at best he’d hesitated if only briefly. But he refused to just cut off contact. There was something more to Ryou than just a mindless order-taker, subservient agent of Fusion. Mizael wanted to see more o that strong, proud Firestarter that he’d spent such a pleasant evening with.

How can he do this? There had been mentions of a strict school and a hint that he did things. Mizael thought at first that perhaps Ryou was involved in underground dueling. There was plenty of that in Heartland, even though most people tried to pretend that it didn’t happen.

He headed to get his proper clothes on, still racking over what had happened and what might happen. None of this made sense and there had to be something more that he could do.

Chris. Everyone else. Mizael came to a halt and started to turn around. From here he didn’t have a good view of his living room but Kei would have said something if he were going to leave. He hoped.

“Can we tell other people? The best duelists that I know. They might be able to help.” That could be something. Any little bit that could get them ready before it started.

“I really wouldn’t advise it.”

That wasn’t Kei.

Mizael stalked back into the main room, still clad only in his pajama bottoms, every one of his plants waving in the reflected field of his anger. Yuuri stood there, one hand on his hip, smiling that innocent and wicked smile. His eyes flicked up and down Mizael, the corners of his mouth twitching upward, but he said nothing else.

“You’re not invited here.” Mizael declared. Oddly enough, he couldn’t see Kei anywhere. Had the Cat left before Yuuri appeared?

He would figure that out later. Right now, Jinlong assumed his dragon form, peering closer at Yuuri and deeply sniffing.

He’s not entirely human, Jinlong reported. I don’t know what he is. Tread carefully.

That didn’t matter to Mizael right now. Instead, he stalked closer. “What do you want here?”

“As I told you, it wouldn’t be wise to tell anyone else our little secret.” Yuuri twirled a tiny something in between his fingers. Mizael drew in a sharp breath of rage as he realized what it was.

The wisteria vine that he’d given Ryou.

“Why do you have that?”

“This?” Yuuri held it up, dangling between two fingers. “My Firestarter gave it to me. Said he didn’t want to keep it.” He smiled. “He’s such a good, loyal Firestarter. Not just to me, but to the Professor.” He closed his fingers over the vine, a pulse of power lashing outward. When he opened his fingers, the vine fell into pale gray dust, all of the life energy drained to the point it no longer existed. “Now, I believe that we had a duel scheduled for this weekend.”

Every plant in the room waved and whispered as Mizael's rage stoked higher and higher. “Do you think that I’m going to duel you now?”

Yuuri laughed. “No, not now. I have some matters to take care of. But I will be ready for you this weekend and you’re going to be there. You see, our Professor is perfectly willing for you to join us. I personally think you’d be better off as mulch in my garden, and even that’s too good for you, but what the Professor wants he gets. So here are the stakes: we will duel on Saturday. If you win, then I’ll insist to the Professor that you either escaped me or fell in the invasion. When I win, you’ll come back with me to Fusion.”

Mizael didn’t think that he could believe a word he was hearing. “What makes you think I’ll agree to that?”

“Because you don’t really have any choices. If you try to run off and babble to other people, then I’ll simply card everyone you tell before the invasion even begins.” Yuuri toyed with something that Mizael belatedly realized was a duel disk. Just not one he’d ever seen the likes of before… “And if you try to skip out on our duel, then there are other actions I can take. Did you know that Marufuji enjoys experiencing pain?” He raised his eyes to stare at Mizael, an unholy shimmer of excitement there. “And I enjoy delivering it. It’s part of what makes us such a good match.”

Mizael’s stomach lurched back and forth at those words. It didn’t matter if Ryou would enjoy it or not but the fact Yuuri would inflict pain and have so much fun doing so? That he couldn’t bear. He pressed his lips together.

“Why are you doing this?”

Yuuri’s smirk sickened Mizael. “Don’t expect the usual party line of “because this is what the Professor wants” from me. My reasons are different.” He leaned forward. “I just told you I like hurting people. That’s all the reason that I need.” He raised one hand in a mocking gesture of farewell. “I will see you this weekend. Do behave yourself until then. I’d hate to have to hurt Marufuji.” He tittered. “Well, I wouldn’t.”

He touched a finger to his duel disk and in a flash of light vanished. Mizael spat out a few words that seasoned swearers might have wanted to take notes on, then stalked in to finish getting dressed. Bad enough Yuuri had been there, worse that Mizael hadn’t even had his pants on yet.

“I can still tell them,” Kei murmured. Mizael turned to see the Cat standing in the doorway to his room. No use to ask where he’d come from. He was, after all, a Cat.

“He’d just use that as an excuse. Not that he needs one. But he’d do it anyway, and claim that we’re responsible for it. He’d be wrong but he would do it anyway.”

Kei’s claws flexed. “If he’s going to do it anyway -”

“It’s not like that. If he does it because we tried to warn people, he hurts Ryou because of what we did. I’m not going to give him that reason.” He knew very well that Yuuri would do what he wanted to do regardless. The Healer just gave that impression. “But if he does it on his own – that is on his own. Don’t give him excuses or reasons.”

He knew the logic was shaky. But he also knew that his options were limited. When it came to certain things he had limits – such as the potential torment of someone that he had the faintest hints of caring about. Even if Ryou truly cared nothing at all for him...

The Healer Cat regarded him for a few moments before he turned to the balcony and leaped out. Mizael tried not to smile too much. That was exactly what he’d hoped Kei would do.

Now he just had to wait for two days – two days until the end of the world.

Even if he couldn’t warn people, he could make plans of his own. And so he did.

One quick stop in Fusion, then Yuuri hopped back over to XYZ, taking the time only to input the co-ordinates to land back in Marufuji’s apartment. He smiled at the sight of the Firestarter, seated bound and gagged on his couch, seething. The flames in Marufuji’s eyes only flared stronger when Yuuri strolled over.

“I’m back,” he sang, settling down next to him. “You don’t have to worry about that other Healer anymore. Not that you were, of course. Were you?”

He didn’t care what answer Marufuji gave. He lounged a bit, foot resting against Marufuji’s leg. All around him wrapped long vines spreading out from the flytrap he’d brought over before. Under normal circumstances it wouldn’t have been enough to trap a Firestarter of Marufuji’s caliber. But with Yuuri having been the one to grow it, that changed the rules. So did the Firedamp that he’d shot the man up with hours earlier.

“He’ll keep his mouth shut now. He knows what I’ll do to you if he doesn’t.” Yuuri chuckled. “Not that you’d care if I did hurt you, would you? You like that. I know.”

And he did know. There were many rumors about Marufuji’s secret tastes, especially when it came to dueling. The way that he savored pain – so delicious. So appealing to Yuuri. He’d spoken the flat truth to the blond Healer. He enjoyed inflicting pain. Marufuji enjoyed experiencing pain. The most perfect of matches. At least to some degrees.

He looked forward to the chance to test out that other Firestarter, the one from this world. Would this Kurosaki Shun also enjoy pain? He might not need two Firestarters, but the thought of having two possessions that could deal with all of his twisted impulses appealed to him. No one had ever offered Yuuri heaven on a plate to this degree.

“It’s almost time. We’ll be ready when it comes.” Yuuri tapped one finger in thought. “Now, we don’t need to stay here until then. In fact, it would be better if we packed up and went back home. We wouldn’t want any unwanted visitors coming by, now would we?” He turned his attention to Ryou, a very satisfied smile playing over his lips. “I know I wouldn’t. This shouldn’t take long. There’s really nothing from here you need to take except your proper deck and duel disk.”

He regarded Ryou thoughtfully. The vines tightened at a glance from him and Ryou hissed as best he could. Which wasn’t that much, given one thick vine tucked neatly between his jaws. Yuuri quite loved being able to do this. So much easier than needing to take ropes or chains with one.

“If I come across that Cat, I have permission to card it. And I’m going to card that Healer as well. Regardless of what happens in the duel. Not that I expect him to win.” Yuuri laughed softly, tracing one finger down the side of Ryou’s face. “Nor do you, do you?” He allowed the vines to loosen just enough so that Ryou could express his opinion. Which was, of course, exactly what Yuuri wanted from him.

He made sure that Marufuji had his proper duel disk on him, then slipped one arm around his Firestarter.

“You don’t have to worry about your precious memories just yet. I’ll wait until after the war is done to wipe you and remake you the way that I want you. So when – or if – we bond, you’ll be extremely willing and eagerS.”

Yuuri rested one finger against his lips. “And I’ll tell you a secret – I have something I want you to do after that’s taken care of.” He leaned in closer and whispered. “We’re going to kill the Professor. And won’t that be a lot of fun?”

Kei hadn’t been in Heartland City for more than a few days. He’d been drawn by the sensation that any Healer or Healer Cat developed when they knew their potential Firestarter was in the area. While that wasn’t much of a drawback, since Fire Cats and Healer Cats were welcome anywhere and could get what they needed easily enough, it meant that he didn’t know nearly as many people as he could have.

Which meant when it came to warning people, all he had to go on were the ones that he’d heard Mizael speak of, and a few that he had seen in the magazines. He didn’t bother with them very often, since he preferred to identify by scent more than anything else, bu he was a Healer Cat. He had other options.

Yuuri hadn’t noticed him, or hadn’t cared if he had. Under most circumstances that would have annoyed Kei to no end. Cats should never be ignored. But now that gave him the option that Mizael didn’t have.

If he’s going to hurt Ryou no matter what, then it doesn’t matter what we do or don’t do. Sometimes Kei didn’t understand humans. Right now, he didn’t need to.

He raced inside the Night Garden and pitched to a halt near to a copse of bushes. There were a few people walking here and there, but none them held familiar scents. He focused his attention instead on the bushes in front of him and reached outward.

My friends. I need your help.

The bushes, grasses, flowers, and trees all twitched towards him, attention sharpening as he focused.

Foes are coming. Spread the word to all who can understand you. All of those who fight with cards especially.

There were ways to fight without cards, but strength had to be met with strength, and while he still didn’t know all the details of what was going on, Kei knew that ordinary defenses would not work. Cards would do the fighting here – though not for a moment did he expect any of those who came against them to fight fairly.

We have little time. Be as ready as you all can be. Fight back against those who would harm our world and our people.

His tail lashed. All of the life around him stirred, grass and trees and flowers and bushes murmuring amongst themselves. If the idea had been their own, then the news would have spread very slowly. Plants did not think in the same way that humans or Cats did. Mobile life needed to be fast. Life that grew where it was did not.

But with every moment, he could see others stopping and turning to the nearest tree or bush, looking more and more worried. Some of them hurried along out of the Garden, and he could hear worried whispers marking what they could do and if they should warn other people.

“Excuse me.” A quiet voice spoke and Kei turned to see a tall Healer behind him. A Healer and a Firestarter, in point of fact. Both of them had pale hair, but the Healer’s shone like silver, while the Firestarter's was more the color of ash. “You’re the one who sent that warning message, aren’t you?”

Kei nodded, claws flexing. “We have until Saturday. At best.” He hoped that this Healer wouldn’t try to ask more questions than were necessary right now, not when they could be home getting ready for what was to come.

“What exactly is going on? Where is the attack going to come from?” The Firestarter wanted to know. There was the tension of a warrior in every word that he spoke – he was perhaps not a stranger to combat.

“They come from another world,” Kei told them, not allowing himself to relax. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever relax. He had his own preparations to make and couldn’t stay here much longer. “They are duelists. Their goal is to crush this world and perhaps more – I can’t be certain.”

Ryou hadn’t been able to tell him as much as he would have liked. Most of what he would have babbled would likely have been about how amazing their goals were and not the practical points Kei wanted to know.

The two glanced at one another, then back to Kei. “Thank you,” the Healer said. “Does this have something to do with Mizael and that Firestarter he claims to not be attracted to?” Kei did not miss the amusement in his eyes there.

“Yes. Marufuji Ryou is an agent of Fusion, sent here to dispose of as many of the professional duelists as possible, to keep the conquest from being resisted.” Kei twitched his tail again. He wanted to say that he still didn’t think Ryou was a bad person, just misguided and in some ways confused. But now wasn’t the time.

Again the two exchanged glances and the Firestarter spoke up. “Is Mizael all right?”

Kei definitely scented worry there. This person knew Mizael? He breathed in and could detect a whiff of a familiar scent. He’d caught this aroma before, probably in Mizael’s apartment. A person to trust, then.

“When last I saw him, yes.” His claws dug into the ground. “I have to go and speak to the other Cats of Heartland.”

The silver haired one nodded, gesturing. “You do what you can. So will Durbe and I.”

Kei nodded, then hurried along, heading for the nearest nest for Healer Cats and Fire Cats. They all had a great deal of work to do.

To Be Continued

Notes: We’re almost to the invasion! And things are not good for Ryou.

[onemoremiraclefandoms-blog]

Comfort in Hell - Chapter Eight

“Havoc, you and Al head for the Elric's apartment. Ed is no doubt going to head there sooner or later. I want you both to stay there and keep the place secure. Falman and Breda, I want you to head south, check for signs of him but don't ask around, we don't know who's after him. Kain, set up a secure line from here that you can use to contact the Elrics' home. Ed may head back here or to the apartment but we need a way of getting in contact with each other.” Roy ordered, looking around his men as they all accepted their orders without question. He then turned to Hughes. “Maes I need you to stay here. The last thing we need is panic. Hawkeye, you're with me. We're heading North. Anyone that finds him, take him home to Al and then contact Maes and Kain. Understood?” He asked, nodding when his team confirmed their acceptance of his orders.

Roy then moved from the side room he'd pulled them all into, moving over to the table where Elizabeth sat with Chris. He kissed her hand as he grabbed his jacket. “I need to run, I apologise. Madame, we'll catch up soon. I trust Elizabeth will be welcome with you?” He asked, flashing his aunt a small smirk.

“Of course. She's one of my girls after all.” Chris Mustang said with a chuckle. She flashed Roy a serious look. “You be careful out there. They may not be after you, but you're still at risk.” Roy gave his foster mother a nod and then turned to leave, Hawkeye easily falling into pace with him as they moved to the door.

“Are you alright, sir?” Riza questioned as they left the building, continuing only when Roy flashed her a confused look as they made their way down the marble steps of the building and headed towards the gates. “You were rather shaken when you came back in. I don't believe that was just from Edward's temper. You and he have argued enough over the years that him shouting wouldn't effect you.”

Roy laughed slightly, shaking his head. He sometimes forgot how sharp Riza was. She picked up on little things like this but kept a lot of it to herself. “I'm fine, Lieutenant.” Roy said simply, sighing at Riza's noise of disbelieve. “Edward just... made a confession that threw me slightly.” He muttered at last, frowning up at the night sky as thunder roared through the air.

“Would that confession be that he cares for you in a less platonic manner than you had assumed he did?” Riza asked and Roy didn't miss her smug smirk at his frown. “He tries to hide it, sir. But he looks at you as though you were something precious when he thinks that nobody can see him. In much the same way that you look at him when you think that nobody can see you.” She said to him, smiling slightly as she followed him into a side street. “I don't need to remind you of the risks, sir.”

“The risks won't matter if we don't find him.” Roy muttered. He knew the risks of any personal relationship he and Edward even considered. The only thing on his mind at that moment though, was to find Ed and throttle him for leaving in a temper despite all the risks.

Edward shoved his hands into his pockets, muttering under his breath. There'd be no working with Mustang after this. He hadn't meant to make such a confession, but he'd been angry at Roy and angry at the fact that he wanted him so badly, and that he couldn't have what he craved for so much. He hated how Roy had shown up with a date, especially one as gorgeous as that Elizabeth. His chances of working his way into Roy's personal life were slim at best, but with woman like that hanging from his every word then how the hell was he meant to be able to get into Roy's life and heart.

Edward stopped in the alleyway with a groan, rubbing his head. This was such a mess. He wouldn't be able to bluff his way out of that confession and he just had to hope that Roy wouldn't mention it, but in his experience, Mustang was a bastard that took great pleasure in driving him mad. He wouldn't leave this. It could be used to make him squirm and Ed didn't think that Mustang would leave it.

Edward was torn from his thoughts when he was slammed face first into the wall of the building to his left. He grunted in pain, feeling the small stones of the wall tearing his skin and leaving scrapes along his face. His flesh arm was grabbed roughly and twisted behind his back forcefully. He tried to struggle, to fight his way out of the situation, but he was trapped. Whoever held him was strong and bigger than him and despite his strength and alchemy, he was helpless.

Alphonse struggled to steady his hands long enough to unlock the door. He was hoping against every doubt that lay in his gut that Edward was in the house, but he couldn't think of any reason that Ed would lock the door if he was in. Edward rarely locked the door, but perhaps he understood that it was safer for him to lock the door. Finally, Al had managed to calm himself enough to unlock the door. He opened the door, stepping inside, well aware of Havoc's presence at his side. The moment that they were off the streets, Havoc removed his gun from its holster and shut the apartment's front door. Alphonse frowned at the action, but let Havoc move first, checking each room for any threat before moving onto the next room.

In hindsight, Al knew that it was smart. If he'd been alone he would have went running through the house screaming Ed's name and hoping that he replied, but if there was an enemy in the house – someone after Ed that was able to lockpick then he would have ran straight into their path. The military knew that he was the youngest Elric and anyone that knew the Elrics knew that Edward would stop at nothing to protect his brother, even if that meant putting himself at risk.

Havoc finished checking the last room for a threat and let out a sigh. There was no threat in the apartment, but there was also no Ed. There was nobody but Al and Jean in the Elric's home. Al sighed, glancing at the front foor. Where was Ed? Should he go out and look for him?

“Its best to stay here, Al.” Havoc said softly, putting his gun away. Al sighed and nodded. He was right. Ed would come back here at the end of the day. He had to. The others would find him and bring him here and everything would be fine, or Ed would just stroll in the door of his own accord, having taken a less direct route home. It didn't stop Al worrying though.

“What do they want from him?” Al asked, looking back at Havoc.

“I don't know Al.” Havoc mumbled, moving to sit on the couch. “Mustang won't tell anybody, I'm not even sure that he knows what they want. All I've heard is that they've been asking questions about his alchemy. About how he's so skilled, and how he can perform it without one of those circles.”

Al sat down next to Havoc and sighed again. So somebody was hunting his brother, and they didn't have any idea who was in charge, or what they wanted from him. It couldn't be that they just wanted him dead, surely. If that was the case then they'd have just attacked Ed and tried to kill him instead of taking the General and torturing him to try and get information. What the hell did they want from Ed?

Maes sat in the large room with Kain, watching him work on the phone and the cables that surrounded him. He didn't like to just sit around and wait for news. Edward was like a son to him, and he hated how Ed had found out about the fact that someone was after him. He should have known that he would have reacted badly, but he didn't expect him to just disappear. Hughes had instantly went to Roy when Ed had moved outside, explaining to him that the eldest Elric knew that someone was hunting him and Roy had went to talk to him. When Roy had come back in, Maes knew that something had happened, and he knew that it wasn't just the fact that Ed had ran off. Something had been said or done and he wanted to know what it was.

Roy had been shaken, that was obvious to him, and it made Maes curious as to what had happened. He had a thought that Edward had perhaps admitted to feelings for Roy, feelings that he saw written all over the pair of them, but he couldn't think of why Edward would confess to such a thing if his anger about not being told about the men that were hunting him.

“Done.” Kain said, handing the phone out to Maes. “Its a secure line now. We should be able to contact Alphonse and see if Edward is there.” He said, letting Maes take the phone an dial in the familiar number of the Elric's apartment. After a few rings, Al's voice answered. He sounded weary but even that couldn't hide the hope in his voice. Ed wasn't at home then.

“Alphonse. Its Hughes. Edward isn't in the apartment?” He asked, hearing Al's ever so slight sigh. He glanced at the clock on the wall when Al confirmed that Ed wasn't at home. It was getting late. Ed had ran off an hour ago and he should have been home by now.

“I'm sure that he's fine, Al. Stay there. He'll come home. I'll let you know if anything changes.” Hughes told the teen before hanging up and rubbing his head. Where the hell would Edward go if he wasn't heading home?

Ed slammed his automail foot back, dragging his boot down his attacker's shin and smirking at the groan of pain he received and the slightly loosened hold on his arm. His victory was short lived though because his head was slammed into the wall and before long there was a fist pulling at his braid, pulling his head back roughly. Blood dripped into Ed's lashes from a cut on his forehead and he tried to blink it free, desperately trying to think of a way out of his current situation.

“There's such fire in you.” A rough male voice said quietly. Ed glanced towards the opening of the alley, glaring at the man that had shown up. His attacker tightened his hold and Ed could only assume that he was working with the other man. He recognised the new comer. He was a general in central, and he'd always hated Edward. Of course he'd be involved in the attacks and search for him. He didn't know who the other man was, as he'd stayed behind him the entire time, but the general moved closer with a smirk that was far too predatory for Edward's liking and Edward had to fight the urge to flinch closer to the man that held him. Neither were his friend, but at least the stranger seemed to have a less personal vendetta against him.

A rough calloused thumb rubbed across his brow, smearing the blood across skin but it at least kept if from his eye. Ed just glared at the man which only received a chuckle. “Such fire, such defiance.” The general mumbled again, trailing his gaze down Ed's body. “No wonder he likes to have you kept so close. It sickened me when you were younger, but now I can see the appeal.” He flicked his tongue out to wet his dry lips and let his gaze roam Edward's body before it lingered just below his belt.

“I have no idea what you're on about.” Edward snarled, but that was a lie. He knew exactly what General Dalton was talking about.

Edward tensed up with a hand brushed his cheek. The touch was almost loving except for the roughness to it and the sneer on the man's face. “You know exactly what I'm on about, you little slut.” Lips were on Edward's before he could reply or lash out. The fist in his hair forced him to keep his head still and let the man kiss him. Dalton pushed his body in closers to Edward, who instinctively pulled back but only ended up being forced into body of the man that held him. Dalton closed the gap and Ed struggled to stay calm when he felt the arousal of the two older men as Dalton's erection was pressed into Edward's thigh and the hand had moved from his hair to stroke down his body.

Fingers dipped beneath the waistband of his trousers and Ed had to force himself to breathe through the panic that threatened him. He had to focus. He needed to get out of this. Both men were distracted, he had to act. His automail arm was free and he punched Dalton hard in the gut, winding him and forcing him back a few steps as he gasped and doubled over. Ed then brought his knee up, slamming it into the man's face and then turning to the other man. He didn't recognise the soldier but then he didn't have to. He slammed his fist into the man's face, shattering his nose and spraying blood across his glove. He spat on the ground by Dalton, still tasting the man on his lips.

The general wasn't down for long and he lunged for Ed, taking him by surprise and tackling him to the ground. Edward let out a gasp when his head slammed against the ground. His vision blurred around the edges and he felt the nausea rise in the back of his throat. He didn't react in time to stop the punch that connected with his face. He didn't really feel the punch, but he was soon aware of the taste of blood that filled his mouth. Distantly he mused about how the taste of blood was better than the taste of Dalton against his lips, but the thought didn't last long as Ed was lost to the darkness that claimed his mind. When he woke up it was to the sound of a gun shot and he frowned in confusion. He rolled onto his side, trying to figure out where he was and what was going on, when he was faced with the corpse of the soldier that had held him and suddenly the memories rushed back to him. He didn't know where Dalton was, ran off he supposed, but why? The general had everything that he'd wanted within his grasp, why would he just pass that up?

Ed pushed onto his knees, forcing back the bile in his throat and spitting blood as he heard someone call out his name. He frowned and glanced towards the entrance of the alley towards the sound. Had Roy came after him? Or perhaps it was Al?

Roy heard the gunshot and instantly started running towards it – hoping that Edward wasn't on the receiving end of that bullet. Hawkeye was just a step behind him. She had drawn her gun and followed him, but she didn't miss General Dalton run into a side street further down the road. With a frown, she ignored it for the moment – it was more important to find the bullet's victim before chasing a bad feeling. Riza followed Roy into an alley and almost collided with his back when he stopped dead. She moved around him, raising her gun and then freezing. Ed knelt on the wet ground, breathing heavily by the dead body. The soldier was a major that she didn't recognise, but that didn't make his death any less distressing. Riza looked at Edward then, holstering her gun. He looked awful. His hair was falling out its braid and blood was smeared across his face and into his hair in splatters. There was a nasty looking cut on his forehead and a number of small scrapes littered his skin. The worst bit of how he looked was the fear. She was used to Edward looking so strong. He rarely looked this scared and that unsettled her as she cast a glance back out of the alley. Dalton had left here in a run. She'd heard the vile way he spoke about Edward and it left her feeling sick in that moment.

Roy moved to the blonde, stripping off his coat and draping it around Edward's shoulders as thunder tore through the air and rain started to fall again. The coat being placed on his shoulders seemed to tear Edward out of a daze and he glanced at them, realising that they were there for the first time. He didn't speak, he just reached up and gripped the sides of the coat and turned to look at the body again.

“Sir.” Riza started, waiting until Roy had turned to her. “We just passed a phone box. I'll call someone to see to the soldier. Be on your guard and use your gun if either of you are attacked since its raining now.” She said, waiting for Roy's nod before she left the alley.

Mustang turned to Edward with a frown. “What happened, Ed?” He asked softly, but Edward just shook his head and stood up. When he stumbled, Roy shot up to grab him, stopping him from collapsing. “Are you hurt? Fullmetal, answer me!” Roy snapped, his concern for the Elric over-riding any tact about his obvious fear.

“Smacked my head on the ground.” Edward mumbled, looking back at the corpse. “He grabbed me, took me by surprise. He's one of Dalton's.” He muttered.

“One of Dalton's? How do you know?”

“He was here.” Ed said quietly, refusing to look at Roy. The thought made Roy feel sick. He knew the crap that the general spoke, and with Edward in danger he had no doubt now that bastard would be involved. Roy was in the middle of thinking about how to ask if Dalton had done anything when Edward moved away from his reach and rubbed a hand roughly across his lips.

“He kissed you?” Roy asked hesitantly. He didn't want the answer. He could already feel the rage boiling to the surface at the very thought that someone would assault Edward like that. The blonde nodded, keeping his eyes on the body but Roy didn't miss the look of shame that shot across the younger man's face. It made him feel sick. Roy took Edward's jaw in his hands gently. “Don't you dare blame yourself or feel ashamed of this. This is not your fault Edward and that bastard will pay of this.” Roy snapped, and something in his voice made Edward meet his eye.

“Why are you here?” The young alchemist muttered, pulling away again. “Look, what I said before. Let's just ignore it, okay? It was stupid. I was just angry.” He muttered and Roy couldn't help but smirk at the blush that crept across the teen's face. “What are you laughing at?” He snapped.

Roy chuckled again and then moved closer to Ed, hesitantly reaching out to brush a stray strand of hair from his face, looking down at him with a small smile. “We don't have to talk about it, Edward, but you can't take it back.”

“Why the hell can't I?” Ed snapped, slapping Roy's hand away and then glancing at his wrist when Roy grabbed it gently. He frowned and looked back at Roy – who was more than happy to see that the fear had faded and was rapidly being replaced with confused anger.

“Because I need it to be true, Ed. Do you have any idea the effect that you have on people? Or does your own disregard for yourself make you utterly blind to it?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Roy smirked slightly and then cupped Ed's face before kissing him. It was hesitant. He was scared that Ed would reject him despite his previous words, and being kissed was perhaps the last thing that he wanted after what Dalton had done. Roy was just pulling away when Ed moved closer, deepening the kiss. An automail hand wrapped itself into his shirt and pulled him closer while a flesh arm wound around his waist. When Roy gripped Edward's hips and flicked his tongue against the teen's lips, begging for access, he was rewarded with a needy groan from the blonde. Roy brushed his tongue along Ed's just as the shorter alchemist pushed his body closer to Roy's. The sound of someone clearing their throat barely reached Roy's consciousness, but it got through and he reluctantly pulled away from Edward, glancing over his shoulder just as the blonde dropped his gaze.

[honeyb33baby]

I had a mental break down

In December 2018, our kitchen stovetop burst into flames. The cats hid under the couch, Chris fell to the floor three times, and all I could do was scream myself raw.

We made it with minimal injuries, and are still questioning how and why we survived.

In January we were renting a room in the basement of an eccentric man. Chris was becoming withdrawn, and was in pain constantly, we'd find out that his gall bladder would need to be removed in an emergency surgery later that month. We weren't intimate, wouldn't talk to each other, just smoke and try to sleep.

My body was in pain, I was spent emotionally and mentally was barely hanging on. And then it didn't.

It started with us trying to figure out the next step. From Utah to Texas, when where how, neither of us were employed, running out of money, and our apartment management, Nathan Freidsrickburg of EGate apartments, was demanding rent for January and February, the remainder of our lease, while finding and paying for alternate housing while they did repairs.

We'd lost most of our belongings, everything we had fit easily in my car.

We'd been fighting on if Chris would stay in Utah, to heal find a job save money. I knew that my mental health was not good, that I was on the edge of a serious break.

And it happened. My mind snapped while I was hanging out with a friend. I could feel myself wanting to leave my body, separate myself from the pain. My leg started seizing and I couldn't breathe.

I went to an emergency care center with a resident nurse who was the worst, most condescending ass hole. They charged me over $500 for a sedative and muscle relaxers. I wasn't taken seriously and it added to my pain.

The doctor told Chris that I had over heated my brain to the point of a heat stroke.

I slept all the time. I had to keep myself quiet, not over work myself, get overheated. I was so fragile, I felt brokenness that was terrifying. I was comatous while trying to keep everyone thinking I was ok.

We get to Texas. And I'm still broken, I know I am and I knew I was not ok. But me and Chris starting fighting a lot. And I couldn't stop. Conversation was stilted and rare. Nights would be spent lying completely still, to not wake each other up.

And I broke again.

3 panic attacks in three days. I didn't sleep in those three days and I could feel myself burning. I locked myself in the closet, screamed at Chris and my mom, I was manic and angry. I was lashing out and latching onto anything that would help me stay afloat.

I should have been hospitalized.

I saw a doctor who is taking me seriously. She listened while I told her every thing that was hurting and that wanted help. I was honest with my mother for the first time, cried in front of her for the first time. I confronted my abusers.

I hurt people. Some I didn't mean to, and I have no idea how to fix that. Others, it honestly felt good to recognize that hurt, even if they wouldn't.

I have no idea what I'm doing. What I'm going to do.

Even though Chris saw me shrieking, slamming doors, wailing, pacing, he could see the mania and pain in my eyes and even though it scared him, scared him so much, he's still here.

We make dinner together, for each other. We clean together because I Hate doing the dishes. So we work together. He's helping me figure out my mental health, I try to help with his health. We're a team.

We're hurting, still. Bruises need time, and neither of us really know how to rely on another person, or how to really love someone as their most weak human self.

It's been hard.

♥️

But we're here