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megsmulti · 3 years ago

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Day 2: “If we don’t get out of here-” “We will!”

First off, before I begin, I just want to give a special thank you to @fighterkimburgess for introducing me to this rare, but beautiful, ship. I know you’re going through some things right now, so I hope this puts a smile on your face!

This takes place around s3 of Med, around the time when Sarah Reese’s father comes to Chicago.

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Sarah Reese was not having a good day. Or week as far as she was concerned. Her father came back into town and at first, she was elated to see him, but now that she found out that he’s supposedly a psychopath, how was she supposed to feel about all of this?

She had a patient waiting up in the psych ward, so she decided to take the elevator because she was almost late and she didn’t want to keep them waiting any longer. However, someone else wanted to take the elevator as well.

“Dr. Reese,” Connor said.

“Dr. Rhodes,” Sarah replied.

“How are things with your dad going?” He was the doctor that was working on the man’s heart after all, so it never hurt to check in.

“Oh, same ol, same ol.” A ding sound was heard and the elevator opened. Connor let Sarah go first, being ever the gentleman. There was no one else coming, so it looks like it will be just the two of them heading up to where they needed to go.

The elevator was working fine and dandy for about a minute or so until it started moving frantically and the lights were flickering all over the place, jerking both of them around.

“Whoa!”

“What the hell?” Connor muttered. The elevator suddenly stopped. “Great, just great!” He slammed his hand on one side. “Of course, on the day I have a huge surgery planned!” The lights came back on.

“I’m sorry, Connor.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” He looked up at the ceiling. “Looks like it’s just the two of us for a while.” Sarah nodded. Boy, did the day just get longer.

-------------------------------------------------

About half an hour passed since Connor and Sarah got trapped in the elevator. They tried everything, including pressing buttons on the panel, (yes, they did call the fire department without a phone signal) to finding weird and obscure ways out. Obviously, they were unsuccessful.

“I swear to god, if we don’t get out of here-” Connor said, patience running way past thin now.

“We will!” Sarah replied. Neither one of them could blame the other for being on edge. Their patients were probably worried sick and it’s all because a damn elevator decided to be stubborn.

Connor leaned on the side wall and sat down. He figured if he was gonna be stuck inside this thing for a while, he might as well rest while doing so.

“Sarah, I’m sorry I’m springing all of my anger onto you.” She didn’t seem worried about it in the slightest. “It’s just that every time a surgery of mine gets canceled for some reason, Dr. Bekker ends up gloating about hers when she gets done with the patient she was working on.” Sarah just looked at him, seeing if he’ll say more. “I’m just tired of it. Tired of needing to prove myself to be validated. I’ve already had enough of that throughout my life as it is.”

“I understand.” Connor looked up. “What you’re going through.” He was confused. “I lied earlier when you asked me how things with my dad were going.”

“Well, how are they going?”

Sarah sighed. Looks like it was her turn to confide in him. “Not that great. Apparently, Dr. Charles received a package that contained newspaper clippings of women that went missing. My dad taught in those exact same cities on the exact same days of those incidents.” Connor widened his eyes, not liking where this was going. “Come to find out he murdered them.” She was in tears at this point and he wasn’t sure what to do. “I didn’t know about all of this until a few days after he got the package.”

“God, Sarah. No one deserves to go through that.” Sarah swears she’s heard that message a million times before. She knew Connor meant well, but that sentence gets old real fast. “How do you feel about all of this?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know. I don’t know whether to be angry at my dad for killing innocent women and being some kind of deranged lunatic or whether to be mad at Dr. Charles for keeping something this important from me for so long.”

“Just go with your gut.” Connor’s really piling on the wisdom today, isn’t he? “Go with your gut and see where it takes you.” He added on a light smile at the end of his spiel.

“I’m also worried that I’ll end up a psychopath.”

“Sarah, if I know anything about you, it’s that you are super loyal to your patients. I know damn well that you didn’t stop until you got a diagnosis on Robin when she was sick. You were the only person I trusted to be her psychiatrist because I know you would shoot me straight and not give me pity like everyone else would’ve.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You’re also willing to step up to the plate and help out when needed, even if the patient isn’t yours. That’s the kind of person you are and I am so happy and grateful to be friends with that person.” Connor full well knew what was going on inside Sarah’s head. He was telling her that she won’t end up like her father. It’s the same message that he’s been trying to tell himself for years.

“Thanks, Connor. I know you weren’t planning on being a therapist to a psychiatrist of all people, but I needed that.” He laughed. Leave it to Connor Rhodes to make you feel better even when he’s not in the best of moods himself.

Both of them heard a noise outside the elevator. Tools were being inserted inside and a lieutenant was barking orders at his crew. CFD must have showed up and they weren’t paying attention. Within minutes, the door to the elevator opened and they were able to get out. Everyone in the ED crowded around, worried about their friends.

Connor & Sarah might not have been super close, but it took the two of them being stuck in an elevator to feel like more than that. Not more than platonic, but closer than ever before. Their friendship is not going to be taken for granted again, that’s for sure.

#one chicago #chicago med #sarah reese #connor rhodes #rheese #rheese fanfic #this is not dr bekker bashing i love her #ocweek2021 #megan’s fics

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primrose-path-of-dalliance · 4 years ago

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@trueblue-escapist this one got long! :) (edit: now on ao3)

It was by sheer fortune that the message arrived while he was dining at Beau and Yasha's home.

They were trying some of the latter's experimental recipes. Fortunately Yasha had progressed very well in the last several months; this was now the fourth meal Caleb had been over for since Beau declared her love's attempts at Empire foods to be reliably nonpoisonous.

He was comfortable, speculating with Beau over her recent visit to Shattengrod. So when Jester began speaking in his head, he almost dropped his fork.

With strained panting—"Caleb, we need some help."

Caleb’s thoughts immediately went to static. He held up a hand as her voice continued, eyes wide, and both Beau and Yasha fell quiet with concern.

"There’s a lot of fishy people and I have, um. One diamond. We’re on the ship. Hope you aren’t busy—"

Abrupt cut-off. No continuation. He shot a look across the table to the other two, and they seemed to instantly read the tension on his face for what it was. They darted from their seats as he replied, "I am with Beau and Yasha. Hang in there, please. We’re coming."

"Sword?" called Yasha from another room.

"Sword. Beau," Caleb shouted, his adrenaline spiking with every second they were still here, "diamonds?"

"One," came her terse response. "I got it."

He stood up. The chair legs screeched against Beau and Yasha’s nice hardwood. Dug a hand through his hair and pulled half of it out of the tie.

Next he slapped his hands together. A strand of amber formed from his pinched thumbs and middle fingers as he drew them apart. Gods, his trembling hands shook the arcane thread. Ten seconds since Jester’s message.

"Essek," Caleb said to the thread, which vibrated with each word. "If you aren’t busy and have the spells. Retrieve Caduceus if you could and bring him to the Nein Heroez. It’s urgent. And diamonds," he added hastily. The thread dissipated.

Yasha and Beau emerged together from the hall with weapons in hand as the reply came: "I will contact Caduceus, then, and keep you updated. Hopefully I can be of aid. Stay safe, Caleb."

Caleb closed his eyes for a single breath and tried to absorb Essek’s soft, controlled caution.

They were coming. They would be okay.

Without needing to look, he held his hands to Yasha and Beau. "Uk’otoa is being an exceptional nuisance."

Beau scowled and said, "I fucking told Fjord to do something with that ball"—and they were off.

***

Jester woke up to what felt like a giant spike piercing through her head, or maybe a handaxe being sunk into her skull—but if it kept going forever instead of happening in an instant. Her stomach felt like a tiny pool of boiling acid that the ship kept rocking back and forth.

She moaned, curling up harder and pressing the heels of her hands to her temples. It didn’t really help, but the pulsing pain eased a little over some time.

"Arty?" she eventually managed.

"I’m so sorry, my dear," murmured his low voice by her ear. "I came as quickly as I could."

"It’s okay. Water?"

She felt a small weasel tongue lick her cheek, then retreat.

After about a minute of measured, careful breathing through the migraine, Jester heard a door crack open and winced from the brighter light now shining in from the hallway.

"Sorry," whispered a familiar voice, and Jester might have started crying at the sound of his Zemnian accent if she wasn’t already teary-eyed from pain.

The door closed, dimming the room again to its singular lantern.

She did her best to uncurl as Caleb set down a bowl and cup on the small table nearby and brought over a chair to her bedside. He reached for his neck, too, and a crimson weasel slipped into his hands.

"Thanks," she said as he returned Sprinkle to her shoulder.

"Of course. Would you like help sitting up?"

"Please."

She had to rest her head on Caleb’s shoulder for a minute when sitting up gave her a rush of a dizzy spell. His hand had rubbed up and down her arm. He smelled like sweat and fish guts and leather.

Eventually Jester had her back against the wall and the cup of water in her hands as she took a careful sip.

"Everyone’s alright," began Caleb, voice still hushed in consideration of her headache. "We took care of them all shortly after you went down, and Fjord was able to heal you a little bit. Essek arrived with Caduceus not long after."

"That’s good."

She closed her eyes and sipped more water. The warm weight of Sprinkle was draped around her neck.

Gods. Jester loved her friends so much.

"Where is everyone? Where’s Fjord?" she asked.

"Out on the deck cleaning up and figuring out what to do next," came the wry response. "Beau gave Fjord a piece of her mind about that orb. Caduceus suggested to try hiding it in the Happy Fun Ball."

"Aw, man. That’s a really good idea."

"Ja. So we are figuring out who will take it in there and where to put it."

She nodded sluggishly, eyes still closed.

"I’m sorry," said Caleb after a long moment. "Do you want to sleep?"

"No. I'm just tired."

That last word came out with a bit more... a bit more than Jester had intended to say it with. She chewed the inside of her cheek and took a sip of water.

She could feel Caleb's gaze on her. "Is it something you would like to talk about?"

The headache continued to pulse in her temples. She stared down into her cup, at the water sloshing side to side from the rocking of the ship. "If you guys are going to Yussa's later, I want to come with. It’s been a while since I’ve seen Mama."

"Of course."

Jester breathed in and out and continued, "It's been a year and I think I'm sick of sailing."

"Ah."

"I mean, there's been so many cool things. The Lucidian Ocean is huge. One time we saw a sea horse that was big enough to ride on. And the port cities we've visited have all been beautiful. But most of the time it's just this boat. And less Arty. And Uk'otoa attacking us for the cloven crystal. I can't even prank people whenever I get bored because it's all the same people, and it's way less fun to keep pranking the same people over and over again."

Caleb made a considering noise. She sipped water, chewing the inside of her cheek some more.

Slowly he asked, "Are you... thinking of staying with your mother for a while?"

"Maybe."

Peaceful silence. They listened to the sounds of wood creaking and the ocean undulating. Jester felt the shittiness of her body continue to ease, and she set down the water to take a sniff at the bowl instead. Some stew, still warm.

As she had a cautious taste, Caleb said, "Hey."

She brought down the bowl and looked at him.

"Would you like to see something cool?"

"Of course I would like to see something cool, Caleb."

His smile as she sat up with anticipation and set down the bowl was very welcome—and a pretty cool sight already. But she watched him pull out a piece of wool and rub it between two fingers, and all of a sudden there was a cat in his lap and another cat on his shoulders.

Jester gasped, hands flying to her face. "Are those your cats?"

The smile on his face only got bigger and warmer as he looked down at the illusory one in his lap cleaning its brown-and-white face. "Yes. This one is Gretel, she is still somewhat a kitten. The other one is Mac, which is short for mackerel because he was eating one from a rubbish heap when I found him."

"Oh my god, Caleb, that’s so adorable." She beamed and leaned in to wiggle her fingers at illusion-Gretel, cooing without caring that it wasn’t the real cat.

He rubbed the wool in his hand and illusion-Gretel began to purr loudly.

She could feel the dimples in her cheeks from grinning. "I love them."

"They will both be very glad to hear that and will eagerly exploit your love to make you spoil them."

"Well, of course I’ll spoil them, they’re so perfect."

Caleb’s smile eased into something soft. "Would you like to meet them in person, then? Before you return to the Nein Heroez?"

The excitement welling up inside Jester faltered.

Oh, right.

She twisted her fingers together, fixing her gaze on the blood crusted in the space between them and beneath her nails. "Um. Yeah, I would love to, Caleb. But probably I'm not going to come back here."

No response except a careful inhale.

She picked at a bloodied crease in her palm and continued, "Fjord and I talked a couple weeks ago. It wasn't like an argument or anything, don't worry! We're one hundred and ten per cent still best friends who love each other and everything, you know? But he loves being captain of the Nein Heroez and doesn't really plan on stopping anytime soon. Or doing anything else. And I want to do more. The world's so big, and there's like a dozen other planes I could see, Arty promised he'd show me around the Feywild—"

Caleb's long-fingered hand placed itself on top of her fidgeting ones, and Jester's rambling mouth fell silent. The illusory cats were gone.

"It's fine, Jester," he said. She looked up at his furrowed brow and crooked smile. "I understand."

Deep breath in and out. Jester returned a similar smile. "Yeah."

Seeming reassured, he leaned back in his chair and seemed to look off elsewhere, his brow still furrowed in thought.

In the lull, she took up the bowl of stew again with more relish. The weight of the news she'd been ignoring had lifted from her shoulders, and with it some of her worries. She hadn't known how people would react. The more reasonable voice in her mind figured that everyone would take the relationship change with ease, reminding her of Yasha's advice in Eiselcross a year ago. The louder, more anxious voice had stressed over whether any of them might judge her for being a bad girlfriend.

Apropos of nothing, gaze still a little distant, Caleb said, "Essek and I are in a relationship."

Halfway through a sip of the stew, Jester's mouth fell open. "Really?"

His lips twitched at the squeal in her voice. "Ja."

She smiled, said, "Aw, I'm happy for you two," and returned to her stew to try and stamp down the sudden, strange sense of instability overtaking her. Like her heart found itself stuck in the second between missing the next step down the stairs and falling.

"Thank you. I am telling you this, though, because Essek and I have had... somewhat of a similar conversation." His eyes flickered to meet her startled gaze briefly, and she saw a bittersweet wryness in them. "Neither of us expect the other to be, well. Committed. My whole self, more or less, is dedicated to my home. I want to make it a better place. Essek has very different goals in mind for his future. We love each other, but between my life and his constant vagrancy, it would be unfair to expect us to stay the same. And, you know. I don't have as much time as he does, anyway."

Jester had the bowl of stew in her lap now, unable to stop staring at Caleb. He finally seemed to notice her attention and awkwardly fixed his eyes on a spot of the wall somewhere to her right and up.

In her chest, time started again. Jester's heart safely found the next step instead of taking a tumble down the stairs.

"Thank you, Caleb," she said softly.

He returned to looking at her properly, and the renewed warmth in his expression helped resettle Jester's sense of the world even further. "I'm sure your mother could be much more reassuring."

"Maybe, but it's you."

Caleb went a little pink. The flush was still visible to Jester's eyes in the dim room. Thank the gods that the warmth in her own cheeks would be much harder for him to notice.

That was enough conversation for her at the moment. She shoved the bowl of stew back against her mouth.

(send me a brief widojest prompt!)

#cr #cr fanfiction #widojest #caleb widogast #jester lavorre #the mighty nein #mentions of shad*wg*st and f/j #prim writes #prim post #trueblue-escapist #readmore

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theholycakehole · 4 years ago

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Impulsive Decisions || Dream x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Pairing: Dream x GN! Reader

Warnings: None! Well its my first Dream fic and it hasn’t really been edited so maybe that should be a warning lol but mostly just fluff :) Also use of irl names, idk how Dream feels about that so please let me know if I should change it! :)

A/N: Heyyyy... Long time so see! Um... so here’s a dream fic! I am done my first year of uni now so if yall wanna start up some requests I can try and do that again? Probably will mostly be along the lines of the Dream SMP or maybe even other streamers since that’s what I’ve been interested in lately. My requests have never really closed, I’ve just been inactive, but I’ll try to start writing again!

It was a long night of shifting between games with friends and discord conversations. I combed my hair back as my eyes grew tired as the screen shifted to a victory for the imposters. I sighed leaning back in my chair seconds before I got the last kill of the game, earning Karl and me the win.

“Wow…” Rae spoke up as everyone began to unmute.

“S/N??” Sykkuno piped up from his side of the call. I let out a little tired laugh as I returned to the main lobby.

“I think that was LG for me guys,” I spoke out hearing a few pleas against it. “Sorry, I’ve been streaming for like…” I trailed off checking the time, 12:30, “6 hours now? I’m ready for bed, honestly.”

“I should probably do the same,” Dream spoke up, him being in the same timezone as me.

“You guys really should leave the east coast, PST is where it’s at.” Corpse mumbled as I opened back up my stream chat.

“I know, I know, but I can’t get myself to leave my hometown.” I laughed out as I skimmed over my chat reading the goodnight wishes and the thanks for streaming messages.

“Well, I live on the east coast and I’m fine to stay up.” Karl joked as I let out a yawn.

“Does anyone have any fills?” Toast asked. “If not we might have to end it here.”

“Toast aren’t you in the same time zone as me right now?” I asked out. “Go to bed.”

“I don’t need sleep, S/N.” He commented back.

“Ok fair.” I chuckled as my little character ran around the lobby before going to the computer and messing around with the skins and hats.

“Sorry guys, I think all my fills are done for the night.” Corpse explained to the lobby.

“Its no worries we can always play another time!” Rae reassured everyone. “Well, goodnight everyone!”

“Goodnight!” Everyone chimed before signing out of the call.

I muted myself and ended my stream, forgetting to leave the call. I thanked the donos and read chat, making tired comments. I answered a few questions I managed to catch in the chat before ending the stream. As I was about to leave discord I saw that Dream’s little icon was still in the call with me.

“Lurking much?” I joked as I unmuted my mic.

“I thought you were going to bed?” He remarked with a small laugh.

“Eventually, I just couldn’t use my brain anymore after that last game.”

“I don’t blame you, you played well, y/n.” Using my real name rather than my stream name clarified that he wasn’t streaming either. “If you’re not too tired, we can stay on the call if you want?”

“I’m down, honestly, I’m just winding down before bed.” I mentioned as I checked my phone, opening a few social media apps to catch up on what I missed since starting my stream.

“So, y/n when do you plan on visiting? Sap and I are still waiting for you to come down.” He questioned, causing me to look up from my phone, closing it before setting the device back down on my desk. His camera obviously was not on but I found my attention on his discord profile picture.

“Soon, Clay.” I laughed leaning back in my chair and tucking my legs up to my chest.

“You said that last time.” He laughed a little more tired this time.

“Flights can be expensive, especially so last minute.” I made an excuse as I looked over to my second monitor and found myself googling flights.

“I literally told you I’ll pay for your flight to Florida, y/n.” He teased as I hummed in response, my attention mostly on the travel website I was looking at.

“I’m a big girl Dreamwastaken, I can pay for my own flight.” I chuckled before closing the website.

“Y/n your classes are done now, you have all the time in the world, leave Canada and come visit, please?” I smiled at his question before letting out a yawn.

“Fuck it.”

“Wait really?” Clay piped up, shocked and excitement evident in his voice.

“You made a really convincing argument. When do you want me to visit?” I asked before re-opening the tab and looking at prices.

“Right now.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now.”

“Thats not happening Clay.” I laughed before finding a date and hovering over the purchase button. “How about the weekend? It gives me time to pack and get some things sorted.”

“Yes! Perfect! This is so exciting y/n!” He smiled, his voice raising a little bit which caused me to laugh. We sorted out the details and eventually booked the tickets and talked about how excited we were for me to come to Florida.

I’ve known Dream for a couple of years now, mostly through streaming with friends. Obviously, I knew of him before because of the Dream SMP and how popular it got. But through the years we have grown close, this even confused fans. Shipping was natural and happened quite frequently, which we ignored in the beginning, but as time passed feelings began to grow. We never talked about it but the flirting and the comments we’d share both on stream and off-stream just felt so right.

We were both faceless content creators, and being this close was quite strange as we have never met or let alone seen each other in person. As I packed my clothes a couple of days later I felt the nerves settle in. I shook off the panic of what if he doesn’t like me or think I’m attractive enough. But it was hard to shake.

I found myself jittery as the plane began to descend. I peered out the window looking at the ground as it grew closer and closer. The nerves grew more and more intense as I knew Dream was the closest he’s been to me since we first met. I felt myself smiling through the panic as I reached to grab my backpack under the seat in front of me.

When we finally were able to disembark the plane I quickly texted Clay that I was here and told him that I was wearing a f/c hoodie so they could find me. I tried to find the baggage claim as I followed the people who were on the same flight as me. My phone buzzed in my pocket telling me that Clay responded.

‘Sap and I just pulled in, see you soon!’

I smiled at his text message and the nerves went crazy, but a huge smile was on my face at the same time. I opened Twitter and quickly started a new tweet to show my audience that I was on, in fact, a last-minute trip. I attached a picture I snuck as I disembarked the plane and made a quick caption before posting and pocketing my phone.

My phone began to buzz from notifications as I plugged in my earbuds and played my music while I tried to locate myself through the airport. As I finally found the baggage claim I stood by one of the conveyor belts and scanned over the luggage trying to find my own. A couple of minutes passed before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I quickly turned around, pulling out my earbuds to see the face of one of my streamer friends.

“Y/n?”

“Sapnap!” I smiled before pulling him in for a hug.

“Hey, how was the flight?” He asked as we pulled apart and stood waiting for my luggage.

“Long enough, I’m just excited I’m here now.” I smiled as I pocketed my phone after wrapping the wires from my earbuds around it.

“Trust me, so are we.” He smiled in return. I saw my suitcase and quickly went to grab it, Sapnap helping me as well. “Clay is in the car, we were struggling to find a parking spot so he pulled up and is waiting for us.” He informed me as he took my suitcase and helped me wheel it out. “He’s nervous.” He mentioned as we grew closer to the doors.

“Trust me, so am I. Other than people in my everyday life, you two are the first to see me in person, or even my face.” I said as I fidgetted with the strings of my hoodie.

“You’re in good hands, y/n, try not to worry.” He smiled softly at me.

We exited through the doors to see a vehicle parked up to the curb. I felt the nerves build up in my stomach as a head of ashy blonde hair exit the car door. A smile found its way onto my face as my eyes lit up. As the man walked around the car he stopped in his tracks and replicated the same, bright smile, green eyes lighting up. I stopped everything and bolted forward pulling Clay into a tight hug.

“You’re finally here.” He muttered into my h/c hair, pulling me in tighter.

“I’m finally here.” I smiled into his green sweatshirt, feeling at ease.

#dreamwastaken #dream x reader #dream mcyt #mcyt x reader #dreamwastaken x reader #mcyt #dream smp #dream x y/n #clay x reader

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httpswwwtbhkcom · 4 years ago

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I Finally Get to See You Again

[Oneshot/Imagine]

Pairing: Norman x Reader

[@httpswwwtbhkcom’s masterlist]

Summary: After Norman was shipped, you were devastated. You had grown a liking to the said boy. You and the others were having a hard time accepting Norman ‘died’. While in the naked eye, Isabella thought all of you weren’t planning to escape. The night before Ray’s shipment, half of your siblings escaped, leaving the younger ones with Isabella. It was difficult finding William Minerva and his shelter. Along the way of your journey, you found new friends that you could call family and the person you thought you lost.

Warning: Manga spoilers, some wrong grammars, some changes, mentions of death, Angst, happy ending,

Genre: Angst, Fluff, timeskip Norman, other timeskip characters, younger Norman and other characters,

Keys:

Y/n- your name,

A/n: If your asking, I’m still in hiatus. This had just popped into my mind when I was reading the manga.

This was longer than expected...

Reader: Neutral

Colored by: ???

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

You and Norman had a mutual liking to each other. It was obvious except for the both of you. The whole family kept teasing both of you when your both in your separate ways. You don’t have the smarts of the trio but your grades is as almost as high as them.

You always play with your siblings when your allowed to go outside. You were a great hider and seeker, your determination never goes unnoticed by the white haired boy.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

After Conny left the house, she left her stuffed animal. You, Emma, and Norman decided that you three would give this to her before she left.

You three tried on finding Conny at the gates of the orphanage. You three first noticed a truck. Emma called for her, telling her that she had forgotten her Little bunny.

You were curious on what’s inside the truck which was covered with a curtain. Curious, you moved it and stumbled back in horror. Norman and Emma immediately rushed to you and also saw Conny with a flower sticking out her chest.

You were going to cry until you three had heard footsteps. In a flash, you three hid under the truck and decided to eavesdrop. You decided on trying to see who they are and what they look like. You almost screamed once more when you saw them. Luckily, Norman covered your mouth before you could scream.

You, Emma, and Norman escaped in time before you three got caught. Once you three were in a safe distance. You were on your knees and cried. Emma did the same and hugged you. Norman looked horrified and sad as well at the image of your dear sister now dead. Discovering her corpse is what leads to the three of you to discover the orphanage's true nature.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

[Timeskip to Norman’s shipment]

You, Ray and Emma had tried to convince Norman to escape or at least to pretend he escaped. But he didn’t listen and accepted his fate. You and Emma were with the others while Ray was at the staircase. You tried to stop him from leaving but Norman only pushed you away and scolded you. It was noticeable that he was also hurt on leaving his family he had grown up with. It was more painful to him to leave his first crush, you were what made him determined on escaping Grace Field.

You sobbed as Norman cupped you cheeks, making you look at him. He kissed your forehead and told you it was going to be fine. The statement only made you cry more. “It’s time to go” Isabella told him, smiling. Norman nodded and gave her a small forced smile. He looked at you one more time before letting go. “Yeah.”. He stood up, leaving you alone crying.

You didn’t watch him leave, since it only pains you more.

After they have left, your siblings tried to comfort you. “Norman.... Norman..” You kept repeating his name. You were broken. You and Norman were so close, feeling someone close leave your life pains you.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

A few days had passed you stopped playing with the other children. They told you that he will be fine and that he would give us letters and tell us about the outside world. But you knew the truth, their words won’t heal you as much as before, but their attempts made you slightly smile and nod. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Isabella smiled as she looked you and Emma who was surrounded by other kids. She had thought she have finally stopped you all from escaping.

The thought of Ray’s shipment soon after Norman’s made you panic. Emma has been trying her best to escape for the family to escape with her. She wasn’t entirely hiding it to you. You didn’t know her plan, but you hoped that it works.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

You and the others (Except for the younger siblings) were now running through the huge forest. Trying not to run into demons. “Luckily we have that guide with us. It’s such a huge help.” You muttered. Emma nodded, smiling. After being underground and leaving safely, you were relieved.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

[Skipping to when they found the B06-32 Shelter made by William Minerva since I forgot what happened before that]

“We’re here! B06-32.” Emma exclaimed, looking at the information from the pen. “But there’s nothing here...” Someone murmured. “What can we do? This is really... B06-32.” Emma commented.

“What does it mean?” “There’s nothing here!” “No sigh of any kind... Nothing at all...” All the hope gathered from them disappeared. ‘As smart as William Minerva. He wouldn’t show the shelter from the naked eye.. So that means it’s probably hiding here somewhere..’ You thought. “So, can you see anyone in the area? Any humans?” Ray asked. “I think there’s no one...” Nat answered.

“So Minerva isn’t here after all?!” “But why?!” They cried. You tried to reassure them that it’s somewhere in B06-32 hiding somewhere. ‘We came all the way here... For nothing? What to do...’ The others who didn’t hear you wondered.

“LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIREEE!!!” The younger siblings exclaimed, making everyone flinch at the sudden loudness. “He said he would be here!!” “He told us to come visit!!” “AND WE CAME AAALL THE WAY!!” They shouted. You didn’t stop them, instead, waiting for them to tire out. Once they stopped, “Feel better now?” Ray asked, crossing his arms. “Yeah!” They exclaimed, panting.

“Then calm down and listen.” Ray said, gathering the attention of the others. “If Minerva is the one going back and forth between the worlds... Then he won’t always be on the demons’ side.” Ray added.

“And even if the demons usually avoid these deserted areas... Imagine if humans just stood around like sitting ducks, or if they left obvious signs... They wouldn’t last long, right?” You continued. Ray nodded at your explanation. “Emma, the pen.” Emma handed Ray the pen. “Yesterday, I found out about the next part. The contents of the pen go on after what we had seen.”

“And what did the next part show?” Gilda questioned. “Nothing at all.” Ray answered. “To be more precise, nothing I could see.” You sighed in relief at the second statement. You almost thought you and your family will be stuck here forever.

“What do you mean?” Emma asked. “I couldn’t access the rest of the data. I’m sure I put in the right answer, but even then... No matter how many times I tried, I could only see as far as Minerva’s message from before. Norman too, couldn’t access the data in that house. I think that’s because... The pen will only show the next part once you bring it to a certain location.”

“You mean...” “Exactly, here in B06-32.”

Once you all cracked the code. It showed a map. “It worked!!” The young ones exclaimed. “But... What’s this..?”

“It’s a map... There’s an underground entrance! As expected.” You answered. “It’s around that area! Go look for it!” When the map showed ‘Welcome’ and ‘Unlocked’, the ground began shaking. “Ray! Look! Something’s happening!” Emma exclaimed in panic and alarm. ‘Here it is...’ You murmured to yourself.

Ray opened the trapdoor revealing a ladder and the underground shelter.

“It was really here after all...” “He wasn’t lying!” They exclaimed, making you smile and giggle slightly. Once your feet was on the shelter floor, you walked with the others to see rooms with numbers. ‘102,103...’ You counted the numbers placed at the door.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Once you saw the man. You immediately thought ‘His... His manners are just terrible!!’ You grimaced completely shocked. You looked at your siblings to see the same expression you have.

“Are you Minerva?” Emma asked, in a serious tone. “Nope.” The man answered. “Too bad for you, kids. I’m not William Minerva.” He continued. “Then please call him. We came all the way here in order to meet Minerva.” Ray told him. “He ain’t here. What a shame, huh? No Minerva’s around here at all.”

‘What’s the meaning of this?’ You wondered, in a shocked face. ‘So Minerva was really a dirty liar...!?’ “Calm down.” Ray reassured. “Clearly you know of Minerva, too. We need more information. Where is he right now?” Ray asked sternly. “No idea, Man!”

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” Ray interrogated. “Who am I?! I’m your senior.” He showed a pen same as the one Emma, you, Norman and Ray found. “It’s the same pen...” Alicia muttered. “Senior?”

“Yup. Well, not from Grace Field, at any rate.” He showed his mark which was on his abdomen. “I come from a plantation called Glory Bell. I escaped it 13 years ago... With my colleagues. And thanks to this pen.”

“Same as us...” “He’s like us...” They muttered in relief, and shock. “That’s right. I’m just the same as you. Ended up here while searching for Minerva.” ‘Human beings like us... Living outside the walls!!’ You wondered. “How-ever...” The word made your smile you had falter. “When I finally reached the place for real, Minerva wasn’t around. I waited for him a hella long time, ended up living here, and no trace of the man. No way around it, Man’s a dirty liar.”

“Though, I gotta say I’m grateful for this shelter, y’know?” He added. “Everything’s provided for. Hurrah for my man Minerva!!”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Here you are now, standing beside Gilda. Seeing that Emma had a gun pointed to her head made you heartbroken. ‘Will she die? Please no..’ You silently pleaded as tears threatened to fall. “Hand it over. Your pen, kids. Fork it already. I’ll be keeping it so that y’all with never step in here again. I don’t wanna anyone weighing me down. Sorry, but you guys will have to leave.”

“Well then, gimme your pen and get the hell away from my face. Otherwise, every single one of you is gonna die right here and now.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

[Timeskip to when B06-32 was exploded and Andrew pointed the gun to Alicia]

“IDIOTS! DAMN IDIOTS! I’M THE ONE WHO IS ALIVE! HEAVEN IS ON MY SIDE! AHAHHAHAHAAHAHA!” Andrew laughed maniacally. Emma shot his joints. Andrew ran to Dominic and shouted “I’LL TRAMPLE HIM TO DEATH

DIEEEE!!! YOU PIGS! YOU ARE BEINGS MEANT TO BE EATEN!” His loud tone in his voice attracted a stray demon. The demon opened it’s mouth and began eating Andrew. Andrew shouted in pain. You were scared but you exclaimed. “Now’s our chance, Run!!!” You shouted, running to the opposite direction of where the demon is and back to the previous place all of you were in.

“No way... Even Yuugo and Lucas...” “They’re dead...?”

“It was an honorable end for them... Protecting all of us until their last breath...” Oliver mourned. The others did as well. “Uuu...” You looked at Gillian, who was in the verge of crying. “UWAHHHHH!!!!” She broke down. The others looked at her, who was also in the verge of crying. Soon after, everyone broke down.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Ray shot an owl. “This is it.” Ray said, showing the owl. “This is... An owl?” Nigel was confused. You looked closely and said “No, look closely. That’s a camera.” You pointed to the owl’s eyes. The others gasped. “How do that guy know where this place was? How were they able to weave their way through the blind spots of the cameras at the shelter? This would be the answer to those.” Ray explained.

“This thing pointed out the position of our cameras and informed them of where the place we escaped to was at?” Pepe asked. “Most likely. I should have noticed this quicker. When I think about it, this thing had been getting closer and closer and following us...!” Ray cursed to himself for his mistake. “This place is no good either. We need to leave it behind immediately.” He added.

“Oliver.” Emma called. “Yeah.” Oliver nodded. He showed the note to the others. “Everyone.” He called out. “Lucas received one last phone call.” Relief washed over everyone. “Mister Minerva could still be alive...?”

“No, we can’t know that for sure.” “It could also be conceivably be one of the ‘supporters’ that are still living...” “An ally...!”

“It hurts...! I’m so frustrated...! Do we really not have a life where we can just rest once...!”

“No, we don’t. So in order to get back, that’s why we’re fighting. Before these two months are over, we’ll definitely change the world.” Emma reassured. “We can do it. We will do it!! For Yuugo and Lucas!” She exclaimed. “So to that end, we should go! As long as there’s hope, we can make it anywhere and everywhere. Let’s go with everybody! To the place that’s calling out to us!”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

??? POV: (If you have read the manga chapter, you would know who it is. If not, I feel sorry lol.... Sorry)

“That broadcast. I hope it reached the shelter.” He said. “Yes, it had to have.” A figure told him.

“Let’s get started, James.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Your POV:

“7-3-5. 9-4-1. 10-10-7. 13-11-2. 21-8-4. 150-6-3.” “These numbers...” “It’s the same as before.” “Correct! It’s the code based on Minerva’s fantasy book.”

“Page 7, 3rd line, 5th word... ‘Go’. Page 9, 4th line, 1st word. ‘To’.” Emma murmured, concentrated on the code. “Oh yeah, I remember it now! We did that when we first found the shelter!!” The kid exclaimed.

“Now we put all the words together, and...” “What’s a Jaw of the Lion?” “How do you ‘Go’ there?” “Ah! I saw that on the maps, back in the shelter! When we were looking for the temple and the golden waters!”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

You were surprised and happy when you saw the younger ones’ abilities for over the years. You were always with Emma and Ray that you can’t always be with them.

“We can handle this trip, no problem! We all learned from Yuugo and Lucas!!”

“Everyone, Stay here! We’ll be back!” You shouted when you heard a noise from a demon nearby. “Y/n! Now!!” Ray commanded. “Roger!”

‘This feeling... It’s demons. There are demons around.’ You murmured when you ran with Ray and Emma. When the three of you were finally in the source, you looked in surprise as you saw 2 people. ‘Huh?! People?!?!’.

‘Who are they? Why are they here?’ You overthought, you were interrupted by Emma. “We need to save them!” She shouted. You took your arrow and began aiming for the demon’s eye. Once the demons’ were dead, Ray threatened “Don’t move.” While aiming at the guy. “Who are you, and what are you doing here?” Ray interrogated.

Unexpectedly, one boy turned around and went to his knees and bowing his head low on the ground. “THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!” He shouted. You looked at him shocked. “I WAS SO SCARED-!! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE DEAD BY NOW, I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE EATEN~!! THE GUNS THAT WE HAD BROUGHT WITH US, AND EVEN THE CLOTHES THAT WE HAD ON US WERE EATEN!!” He explained in a loud voice. “REALLY, THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!” He clinged to your arms (Since you were the closest) and thanked you. “OI, YOU IDIOT, GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF THEM!! TO DO SUCH A THING TO THE PEOPLE WHO SAVED OUR LIVES!!” The other shouted. Then something struck them.

You looked at them sheepishly, curious. “HUMANS!?” They backed away in shock. “THAT’S WAY TOO LATE! AFTER SUCH A LONG TIME?!” Ray and Don had both the same expressions. You giggled. “WE’RE SO SORRY! WE’VE BEEN RUDE TO YOU AGAIN!” Two of them apologized once more. “Ayy...! You’re voices are too loud!” “The enemy will notice us.” Both Don and Ray scolded. “So, Who are you? What are you doing here?” Emma asked.

“Right. My name is Jin. And this is Hayato.” Jin pointed to Hayato who has a bandana. “I can’t tell you all the details, but... We are working under a certain person to achieve a goal... And because of that...” While Jin was explaning, Hayato noticed the mark on your neck. “AAAAHHHHHHH!!!” Hayato shouted. “We told you that you need to stay quiet!!!” Don whisper-shouted. “Jin!! There people. NO WAY! They’re the Grace Field escapees!!”

“We’ve been searching for all of you. Under William Minervas’ orders!!!” They explaned. “Mister Minerva?!” You looked at them in disbelief.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Earlier, Hayato and Jin (Mostly Hayato) have been talking about William Minerva (Aka their boss). Everyone was shocked and impressed at William Minerva’s doings of saving many children.

“Your Boss, Minerva told you to search for us?”

“Yes! Did you receive the broadcast? After that, knowing that the shelter was going to be attacked, the boss sent us to scout for you... The boss was heart broken. He conveyed to me that he want to help you out and needs your power as well.” Jin answered. “Mister Minerva...” They murmured happily. “We heard the broadcast, and right now we’re headed to that place he told us about.” Oliver commented.

“Then all is well! By all means, let us guide you there. To our hideaway!! Our base has food, as well as places where you can rest. And that’s not all. We also have medicine and treatment facilities. It’s ideal for treating anybody that’s injured. Let us take you as soon as possible.”

“That hideout.” Hayato and Jin looked at you confused. “It hasn’t been found out by other demons or the Ratri clan, Has it? Even though you’ve destroyed several farms already...”

“Up until this point, we haven’t been attacked by the enemy.”

“Hey Jin, About how far from here is your hideaway?” Ray questioned.

“Uhhm, and what about the ‘Neck of the Giraffe’? Is it near there?”

“You mean ‘the lion’s jaw’?”

“No. That rock is just the halfway point. From there, the hideaway is about a 2 day walk. The exact location is unknown to all but a select few within our group.”

“Sorry for doubting you. I’d like to ask you for some information.” Ray said.

“But is it okay? Taking outsiders like us directly to your hideout.” Anna asked. “Of course! It’s what the boss wanted us to do. And because you are all our saviors!”

“Thank you.” Emma and Hayato shooked hands. “I look forward to working with you.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Emma, Anna, Ray and Hayato went to one of the enemy’s base since Cristy’s condition is unexpectedly changing.

Once they went back, you noticed that there was another person with them. You smiled as Cristy’s medicine was working.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Two days later...

You looked at the trees in surprise. “I can’t believe these trees!” ‘It’s a forest!” “But way bigger than all the others we’ve seen!”

“Is the hideout in there?” Oliver asked. Jin nodded. “Yes! We’ve almost arrived.” You were excited and nervous to finally find their boss and other children like you. “I’ll go ahead first to tell the boss about you folks! Jin, Zazie, show the way to our friends and keep ‘em safe!” Hayato said before he ran faster than a normal human speed. Everyone except for the said two was surprised at Hayato’s incredible speed.

“Here it is. This is our hideout.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Jin showed all of you the places and you looked at all of them in awe. ‘They all have smiles on their faces.’ You thought, smiling yourself.

“Welcome!” “Whoa! The fugitives are here, Dude!” “Nice to meet you!” “Welcome!” The kids greeted. ‘This is the paradise that Minerva built...’.

The other kids gave all of you sweets, which you thanked for. Hayato came back and said “The boss wants to meet the leader!” Oliver nodded to Emma and she nodded back. “I’ll be back soon!” Emma waved. You all waved back and talked to the other kids.

You are lying if your not curious what Minerva looks like.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Emma showed ‘William Minerva’ the family. “This is our family now!” She happily exclaimed. “It’s gotten quite large. What a great family!” You know that voice...

“Hu.. Huh?! What do you mean?” “Wait what?? Minerva was...” “You’re alive!? The real thing?!” Everyone started to tear up. You weren’t looking for a short while, interested in the books. Once you heard them talking, you looked at them confused. “That kid is from Emma’s pictures..” “Eh?... But that kid was.” “22194, 22194.” Adam repeated. Of course! You remember that number!.

“NORMAN!!!” The kids shouted. “I’m so happy. You’re alive!! You’re alive!!!”

You looked at the trio happily hugging each other. It made your heart melt. “Where’s Y/n..?” He asked, hoping to see you in the big crowd of his family. The others who were blocking your figure moved for him to see you. You looked at him with tears in your eyes. “I missed you Norman!!” You broke down and tackled him.

Tears also started to fall in his eyes. He hugged you tightly and both of you were in the position for a few seconds. People looked at both of you knowingly that you both deeply care for each other. “I’m so glad you’re alive..!”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Norman gave all of you of where your home is. And the four of you played chess and many more. You rested your head on Norman’s shoulder, Emma was beside you resting her head on your shoulder, Ray rested his head on the bed and Norman’s other shoulder,and Norman was resting his head on your head, holding your hand.

Norman hoped he could confess to you one day. And he knows he will. He just hopes it will be sooner than later.

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

E/n: I kinda got lazy with this. So please bear with me.

#norman #norman x reader #norman x y/n #norman imagine #norman oneshot #yakusoku no neverland #yakusoku no neverland x reader #yakusoku no neverland x y/n #yakusoku no neverland imagine #yakusoku no neverland oneshot #the promised neverland #the promised neverland x reader #the promised neverland x y/n #the promised neverland oneshot #the promised neverland imagine #x reader

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lafleaurie · 3 years ago

Text

the locket

author’s note: HEY this isn’t going to be divided up into chapters but it will be REALLY long so I’ll divide it up into different parts in one post so you can take a break in case you need one and pick up where you left off (that idea was taken from someone I follow but I can’t remember who it was so if you’re reading this and you’ve done that, all credits go to you!) also my history of world war II is VERY VERY limited, I am almost 25 and haven’t been in high school for like maybe 6-7 years and I’ve forgotten everything they taught us soooo please forgive me if I got any history wrong, movie or real life. also I know Erskine dies after he’s helped Steve but we’re gonna pretend he dies after he helps y/n

warnings: mentions of torture, death

this is a collab with @smuttybucky with the help of @barnesand, I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

He had no idea, and now, he never would.

You had known Steve since you guys were children. Steve was like your brother. You’d always known him to be patriotic, courageous, always doing the right thing. You had an immense amount of love for him, but you knew how he always got himself in fights. You were always there for him after them, patching him up and making sure he was okay. He was really grateful for everything you did for him.

You both were inseparable growing up, you being there for him after he had gotten almost beaten to death multiple times, him being there for you when you got your heart broken. Like that one time you got stood up on your date and he was supposed to have shown up an hour ago before that, but Steve was there to put a smile on your face and make you feel better.

So when he mentioned he had a friend for you, one that you would probably like, you weren’t too keen on agreeing to meet him. After all, you really liked this guy who was telling you sweet nothings, and even having you agree to go on a date he didn’t even show up to. Steve was adamant about it though, and wouldn’t stop bugging you about it. He begged you to at least hang out with them both at the bar for a couple minutes and if you didn’t like him or you weren’t comfortable, you could go home. It took a lot of begging, but finally, you agreed to it. And, boy, was Steve happy. He was ecstatic even, because now, his two best friends were finally going to meet. You weren’t giving your hopes up though, as your heart had been broken far too many times.

That night, you put on a pretty yet conservative dress that was red and adorned with flowers all over it. Nothing too fancy, but you felt pretty in it. You let the curls in your hair fall out and let it fall to the side, putting on some lipstick and decided you looked good enough.

You walked yourself to the bar where Steve and his friend were, walking in, taking in the scent of liquor and the music that was playing, noticing some drunk men already singing along. Steve spotted you right away.

“Y/n! Over here!” You turned to where you heard your name and smiled when you saw Steve, leaned up against the bar with another man beside him which you assumed was his friend he had begged you to meet. You gave Steve a small hug, greeting him with a big smile as he did the same.

“Y/n, I’d like you to meet my friend, James,” Steve motioned over to the man standing beside him, putting his hand his shoulder. James looked at Steve and smiled as he did so, bringing his look to you and looking you up and down, before looking back up at your eyes, giving you a sweet smile.

“You can just call me Bucky,” he stuck his hand out for you to shake, and you looked at it for a second before reaching yours out too, shaking it gently.

“Y/n. Nice to meet you, Bucky,” you said quietly, staring at him for a second and admiring his features, noticing how handsome he looked. When he looked at you and noticed you staring, you looked away quickly, standing in between the two men as you leaned against the bar, enjoying the company of them both.

That night, you and Bucky got along beautifully. He made you laugh all night, telling you cheesy jokes, giving you small compliments here and there, it was almost like Steve was invisible. Which he didn’t mind, he knew how badly you needed someone like him but he also noticed how Bucky was looking at you all night. Like you were the sun. Like you were what he needed. And you were doing the same. He had never seen the both of you act like that before in the entire years he’d known you two.

You and Bucky were inseparable after that. If either of you weren’t working, you were spending time with each other. Of course, Steve was usually always there, he was an important person to you both. Not only was a good friend to the both of you, but he was the reason the both of you knew each other. He was the reason you guys were slowly but surely falling for each other.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

PART 2

You and Steve were hanging out one day while Bucky was spending time with some family, and he was talking about enlisting in the army again. Something he always talked about, and you never got tired of hearing.

“Steve...can I ask you something?” you were hesitant to ask at first, because you were afraid of what his reaction would be but it came out of your mouth anyway.

“Sure you can,” Steve gave you a reassuring smile as he looked up at you while you two were walking along the sidewalk downtown. You thought for a second, wanting to word your question carefully. You kept your eyes fixated on your feet as you both walked, your hands crossed over your chest.

“Do you think...if a woman wanted to join the army...she could?” you regretted the words right as they came out of your mouth as you looked up at him. He kept his eyes on the ground as you both walked, his hands in his pockets.

“What, you mean like holding a gun and everything?” he chuckled softly at the thought of his best friend holding a gun, the woman he always saw as someone so kind and generous. He couldn’t see her killing a fly. You laughed along with him at his words, shaking your head.

“No, no, definitely not. I was thinking...maybe a nurse?” You cringed physically because you weren’t sure how well that would work but you did have a medical background so you’d probably do pretty well. Steve paused for a second before finally speaking, shrugging as he spoke.

“I don’t see why not,” he kept his eyes on his feet as he walked and then looked at you, his hands still in his pockets. “I think you’d be great at that.”

You smiled at his kind words and nodded gently, because that alone had you making up your mind instantly. You went with Steve as he enlisted, expecting him to be rejected right away. They had asked you a few questions as you signed up to be a nurse, and they immediately took you in. You were to be set off tomorrow morning with the 107th. You were ecstatic, and you couldn’t wait to tell Bucky. You weren’t sure about Steve though, whether he had been rejected or they actually took him. You didn’t see him when you left the building. You had to go home and get ready though, so you couldn’t waste your time waiting for him that night.

You and Bucky had plans to attend the Stark EXPO that night and you were beaming with excitement. He was set to pick you up at 8 o’clock on the dot, and boy, was he right on time. You giggled to yourself as you saw his car pull up, grabbing your purse and practically running straight out the door. He was already of his car when you ran outside, holding the car door open for you. You ran up to him and wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek with a huge smile on your face. He wrapped his arms around your waist, chuckling at the affection he was receiving.

The both of you held hands the whole way to the EXPO, both of you radiating excitement and love for each other. He told you about his day, and you told him about his. He told you about how he was drafted into the army and he was being shipped out tomorrow morning for the 107th. Your jaw dropped.

“Bucky, I’m shipped out tomorrow morning for the 107th! I’m a nurse for the men!” You were glowing, and he turned to you with surprise on his face. The both of you rambled on about how now, they were able to watch each other and make sure the other was safe. You were both just bursting from excitement, and you reached over to him as you kissed him on the cheek while he was driving, a chuckle leaving his lips.

You both arrived at the EXPO, him opening the door for you as he grabbed your hand, guiding you out of the car. You held onto his bicep as he gripped your hand in his, walking to the building. You could tell Bucky was excited for this and you knew how much he loved technology. You loved when Bucky was this excited, it made your heart explode with adoration and love.

He gripped your hand in his as he lead through the crowd, everyone smiling as they danced and held their drinks in their hand, mingling with everyone around them. He held onto your hand tightly as you finally arrived at the bar with him, leaning up against as he ordered drinks for the both of you. He kissed your cheek while the both of you were waiting, and you leaned into his chest as you felt nothing but pure bliss in that moment.

“You know, I got something for you.” You turned to him as he spoke, a smile lighting up your face at those words.

“And what did you give me, sergeant?” you giggled as you spoke, straightening his color on his war uniform, leaning against his body once again. He dug into his pocket for something, and out came a little box. He brought it up to your hands, and you looked up at him as you took it from him. You smiled as lifted the box lid, and your jaw dropped as you gasped.

Inside was a beautiful necklace with a heart shaped jewel attached to the chain, but you noticed the heart shaped beauty could be opened. You looked up at him and he gave you a small smile in adoration, encouraging you to open it, which is exactly what you did. Inside was a picture of him in his uniform, smiling softly for the cameraman that took his picture. You covered your mouth as you gasped lightly, holding it in your other hand.

“Bucky, I- This is...this is breathtaking,” you had no words. You didn’t know what to say, it was more beautiful than you could have ever imagined. He smiled widely at you as he softly took the necklace from you, telling you to turn around so you could put it on. And you did, lifting up your hair so he could latch it on, and it fit perfectly around your neck. Almost like it was made for you. You turned around once you knew it was latched on, facing him, and instantly planting a long, meaningful kiss on his lips. A smile etched onto his lips and soon yours, too, as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I love you,” he whispered, almost too quietly. You weren’t sure if you had even heard that correctly or if you were just imagining things. You leaned back from his body and looked at him in the eyes, surprise on your face. “I love you, y/n. With everything in me.”

You kept your eyes fixated on his beautiful blue ones, tears threatening to escape your eyes as you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. A smile slowly made it’s way on your face as you giggled, kissing him with such passion and love, the whole world disappeared, it was just you and him in that moment. You had never felt so much love for someone before, and you were sure he was the one.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

PART 3

The next morning, you were shipped out and ready to help the men who needed your help, and you were ready to do your part for the war. Things were quiet for awhile and you hadn’t really seen Bucky yet, but you knew he was safe. You kept the necklace he gave you wrapped around your neck as the locket was close to your heart. A reminder of how much he loved you.

It came all at once.

The Germans started bombing the American’s tent and their landscape, and no one had any time to react. It startled you awake and you heard men screaming from beyond the treeline in German. You were praying Bucky was okay, and something told you that he was, for now. You scrambled out of your cot, running around the medical tent, trying to get all your equipment ready.

You were helping soldier after soldier after soldier, and you were constantly whipping your head around at the other nurses to try and see if Bucky was hurt but you didn’t see him anywhere. Was he even here? If he wasn’t how long had he been gone?

“Lieutenant! Lieutenant...” one of the men came running up to the lieutenant, out of breath and clearly scared out of his mind. You stopped what you were doing as you didn’t have a patient currently, trying your hardest to hear what the man had to say without being caught. “Lieutenant, most of the men in the 107th have been killed or captured. We have to move.”

You gasped at the man’s words, instantly clutching the necklace in your hand. You backed away from your hiding spot, tears pooling up around your eyes, your breathing picking up and you could feel yourself panic. This is it, you thought. He’s dead and now I’m a goner, too.

You started running back to the medical tent but you were blown back into the ground with a big thud. Your whole body hurt. You coughed as dirt and smoke filled your lungs, and you could feel liquid starting to form on the skin on your chest and stomach, your breathing suddenly becoming harder to manage. You lay there in the ground, accepting death but still trying to fight it at the same time. You saw a man hover above you as he tried to speak to you but all you could hear was a loud ringing in both ears, unable to listen to a word the man said. More men gathered around you as they picked you up and you tried to speak, but the minute you tried to open your mouth, your eyes got heavy. You blacked out, and that was all you remembered that night.

You woke up in a hospital, but not any hospital where you lived. You wondered if what happened on the battlefield was all just a dream, if you’d see Bucky sitting right next to your hospital bed, waiting for you to wake up...but you looked over and saw no one. You knew this was real.

Panic started to rise in your throat, breathing becoming more and more difficult. You tried to get up but moving was painful. You groaned and laid back in the bed, nurses came running in, trying to calm you down. You were crying and screaming and trying to break free and they were about to sedate you, but a man came in, interrupting them.

“No, don’t! Don’t sedate her. I want her to know what we’ve done,” the man spoke, and you noticed he had a German accent. You looked at him, blinking a few times as your breathing was heavy, nurses slowly letting go of your arms as they looked at him too. “Give us a minute.”

The nurses complied and slowly walked out, hesitant at first but eventually made their way out of the room. You took deep breaths as you carefully watched the man, making his way towards you. You kept your guard up with how anxious you were, how scared you were.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Miss y/l/n. You can relax,” he stopped when he was a few inches from your bed, raising his hands in a surrender motion. Your guard was still up though, and you kept your eyes on him the whole time he was speaking.

“You took quite a hit last night, y/n. Didn’t you?” you didn’t know how to answer, mostly because most of what happened last night was a blur. All you remembered was being bombed unexpectedly and that was it. As if he read your mind, he spoke back up, “Do you remember what happened?”

You didn’t answer right away as you tried really hard to rack your brain for any more memories of what happened but nothing came back up. You kept trying but still nothing came up. You slowly shook your head no as you kept your guard up. The man sighed, as he sat in the chair next to you, holding his hands together.

“Miss y/l/n, let me introduce myself first.” He looked up at you before pausing for a second, taking a deep breath. “My name is doctor Abraham Erskine. I am a scientist that works for the American Government.”

“What do you want?” wasted no time asking the most important question, keeping your eyes on him, watching him carefully, your hands in your lap, nervousness still bursting through you. He shrugged at your reply, being nonchalant with his answer.

“I do not want anything. I am here to help you,” he replied, giving you a friendly smile. You couldn’t be sure if that made you feel better or creeped out, but you were still keeping your guard up.

“You see, y/n, last night, when the bombing happened, you were injured so badly, you were on the verge of death. In fact, the doctors declared you dead last night at around 2 o’clock in the morning. Your chest and stomach were so torn apart, you wouldn’t have made it anyway.” He got up from his seat and you removed your eyes from him, a blank stare on your face as your head raced with thoughts. I died?

He started walking around your room, up to a window, looking out as he continued to explain, “I saved your life, y/n. You see, I created this...serum that has been experimented with, I knew it was ready. I just needed someone to try it on. You were the perfect candidate. And now...here you are, alive, all healed up and...” he paused, and you looked up at him. You weren’t so nervous anymore...but you still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

“And?” He looked at you, taking another deep breath as he walked closer to your bed.

“Let’s just say now you have special...abilities,” he explained, almost cautiously. You kept your eyes on him as you swallowed, furrowing your eyebrows together.

“What kind of abilities?” you just wanted a straight answer, and he wasn’t giving you one. You felt frustrated at this point, holding your breath at his reply.

“Why don’t you take a look at that wound of yours?” he asked, and at first, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of doing what he says, but you were curious. You hurt on the inside, yes, but...on the surface level, you didn’t feel a thing. You slowly peeled your eyes away from him and lifted up your shirt, and your were dumbfounded. Confused. Your ran your fingers over your practically healed skin, not believing what you were seeing. You dropped your shirt back down, still in disbelief.

“Your healing abilities are quite resourceful, Miss y/l/n. You not only heal yourself, but others, too,” the doctor put his hands behind as his back as he looked at you expectantly, but you were still reeling from the fact that your wounds were fully healed. How was that even possible? It wasn’t, right?

“You could change the war, y/n. You could change the world,” he said, giving you another friendly smile as he slowly made his way to his seat where his suitcase was, grabbed it, his hat and walked out. You laid there in your hospital bed, your mind still racing from all the information you’ve just gathered. You raised both of your hands up and stared at them, amazed and shocked at what new abilities you possessed now. You had to find out how to work it, how to use it properly.

Luckily for you, the doctor was in contact with you the next day. He was waiting for you outside your apartment after you had been released from the hospital, and he was ready to teach you about your new abilities. He took you to his lab, where he was able to properly show you how to use them. It took some time, a couple days, but you got the hang of it pretty soon. You even got to test it out on a couple people. The wounds you healed didn’t heal all the way, just enough to where there was no more blood, and no more pain, but you still used it to the best of your abilities.

Eventually, you were shipped back out for the war, ready to help the soldiers in need. You kept your eyes open for Bucky, but you never did see him. Clutching the necklace he gave you every so often, you worked diligently and effortlessly, healing soldier after soldier, and everyone around you was so grateful for your work and your dedication.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

PART 4

It wasn’t long before America had finally won the war, all because of Steve, or as they knew him, Captain America. You were hoping to find Steve and thank him for everything he did for his country to save those he loved and cared about, but you had heard what had happened to him, and it broke your heart. You lost your best friend and you had this sick feeling in your stomach that Bucky was gone, too. You tried to hold onto hope, you really did, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible happened to him.

Peggy found you after the war was over and you guys chatted for a bit to pass the time. She had heard what Erskine had done for you, and congratulated you on your new abilities. She told you about SHIELD, how she helped Steve on important missions like taking down HYDRA. You listened to her tell you stories about him, and you honestly had no idea he had liked her so much. You liked her too, and you decided that if Steve was here today, they would be the perfect couple. You were dreading the answer to this question, but you needed to know if he was okay, just so you could stop yourself from thinking about it too much.

And when you did, you instantly regretted it. You broke down at her answer. Since you didn’t know Peggy all that well, you thanked her for everything she did, gave her a hug, and headed home. You cried the whole way, but when you got inside your house, it came out all at once. You sobbed, you screamed, you laid on the floor and begged for it to not be true. You never once let go of the beautiful locket he had given you, never took it off.

You struggled a lot for the next couple days. Not really leaving your house. Your family was worried for you, they hadn’t seen you in days. They would come by and check on you sometimes but you just put on a brave face and told them you were fine. You didn’t really want to talk to anyone about it, and rightfully so, because you had just lost the love of your life. The person you knew you were going to marry. Your heart ached and there wasn’t a day that went by where you didn’t think about him and end up falling apart all over again.

Weeks, months passed by and it got easier. You worked your way up along with Howard Stark, working under him once he founded Stark Industries. You were his assistant, working closely with him as he paved the way for weapons technology. Working made it easy to not think about Bucky so much, you would work late nights so as not to be alone at home with your thoughts. It got to the point where you could successfully think about him and not completely fall apart.

Well, almost.

Years passed. Everyone around you aged, but not you. You knew this, given your healing abilities, and you wished you could keep all your friends and family around you young but unfortunately, that wasn’t how it worked. Thankfully, they knew of what had happened to you and why you weren’t aging so no one asked too many questions as to why they were 90 years old and you were still looking 30.

Howard eventually got married, and you were ecstatic for him. You were there for him and his beautiful bride at the wedding, supporting them both as you were still helping him out even outside of the office. And Maria was a wonderful, extremely nice woman. You were so happy for them both. Peggy was even there at the wedding too, and she was even aging beautifully. You were really happy to be around the people you looked up to, but you really wished Steve was there with you, and Peggy agreed, with a sad look on her face.

You wished Bucky was there the most, though.

Not long after that, Howard and Maria soon had a son, named Tony. You watched Tony grow up into a bright and smart man, following directly into his father’s footsteps, which wasn’t surprising. Tony was a gifted man, and you knew exactly where he got it from. He was a close friend of yours and when you knew he was of age to understand, you told him of your abilities, which he thought was astounding. He asked many questions to which, you tried to answer properly but some of them you just didn’t know the answer to. You wished doctor Erskine was still here today, the man who made you who you were today.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK SO FAR OK BYE

#james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #james buchanan bucky barnes #james barnes #james buchanan barnes #40s bucky #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x reader #marvel universe #marvel #mcu #bucky barnes fanfiction #steve rogers #bff!steve rogers #winter soldier bucky #captain america #the first avenger #marvel mcu

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 3 years ago

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Can you imagine losing interest in BTS and their music ever? I've seen it's a hot topic on Twitter, how some fans just lost connection and how others put it as "exiting the magic shop". I don't understand. I spent my teens listening to the Beatles, Incubus and now that I'm 30's I still love them. I suppose it could happen but I just dont like it when people say they lost interest bec BTS has already healed them. Like, you can heal and listen to them at the same time right? Your thoughts guys?

First of all, thank you for this ask because this is such an interesting topic.

Secondly, I'm fairly sure this whole thing about "being healed from BTS", as in stopping being ARMY/stanning BTS was started by "ex-ARMYs" (or people cosplaying as such) on either twt or t*kt*k (or both) as a way to feed into the narrative of how you can only possibly like Bangtan while you're "sick" but eventually you get "healed" and move on to other artists, specifically other K-Pop groups. It's also occasionally used by people who stopped "stanning" BTS to make themselves look better in the eyes of kpoppies (or suck up to them) and to get hit twts. A quick twt search showed me a twt where someone spoke about how now that they've "left the Magic Shop" they're able to "love other people" and have found themselves in (Other Group’s fandom name)-land. As in Bangtan healed them so now they can listen to/stan “better” groups.

Do I think there are also genuine people among them who credit BTS for helping them heal before moving on? Probably, but I find the phrasing and way of thinking rather weird and also something that plays into the stereotype that liking a "boy band" is just a phase that you grow out of and then move on to "real music".

Are there people who genuinely "lost" whatever connection they felt or interested they had in BTS? Probably, though sometimes I feel like people misinterpret twts where people talk about leaving ARMY twt/their sns stan accounts as them stopping being a fan which is false. Being a fan of a musician is more than just posting on your stan account, right? There are plenty of people who are ARMY yet don't engage in fandom sns.

Now circling over to your question about if we/I can imagine basically falling out of love with an artist (BTS) and, well, personally I think it depends on certain factors. Just like you in my early teens I used to listen to a band called HIM, a little later to a band called Placebo, and to this day, if someone asks me who my favorite rock band is, I still name both of them without hesitation despite not actively listening to them anymore the way I do with Bangtan, as example. Yet it doesn't change the fact that I still love their music and check out what Placebo are up to from time to time.

I think there are certain bands and artists whose music simply does something for us, this specific something that makes us connect to them in a deeper sense, in one that makes their music and artistry stick with us even far down the line when we might not listen to them daily anymore, might not check their sns every day anymore, or even at all. At this point I'm pretty sure BTS are exactly that for me as well. I can imagine that perhaps one day I might not be as invested (invested in the sense of having a stan account and blogging about them) anymore as I am now, because that's natural, but I doubt I'll ever go as far as saying "I've lost interested" or "been healed from being ARMY" or whatever else some say.

So, when I said it depends on different factors if you'll ever fall out of love/loose interest, what did I mean by that? I think a major deciding factor is why you became ARMY/a fan in the first place and what it is that keeps you interested in them.

More below the cut:

If you became a fan because you’re into shipping and your main focus is your ship and nothing else, honestly, I doubt you’ll stick around all that long. And I say that as a vminnie and namjinist myself. I imagine, if the only thing about Bangtan I would care about would be those two pairings and I would spend all my time hunting for clues and looking at gifs/pictures and discussing them and nothing else, their music only being of interest to me if I could make it about my ship? I’ll be honest, I would probably lose interest in less than a year because you can’t possibly remain invested in two people, their lives, “relationship clues” and ship fights with others for years without basically getting tired of it.

Also when I say just focusing on a ship, I literally mean just the ship aspect, not even the artistry those two people have, like their music etc, but just the bond they have and nothing else. And yes, there definitely are people like this. I’ve seen Xkookers only care about (insert song here) because they thought it was about their ship but once they realized it isn’t, they never brought up the song again, and never spoke about the song itself at all. And I don’t want to just point my finger at them, there are also people who ship other pairings who act this way as well, definitely.

At the end of the day, eventually you’ll have analyzed all there was to be analyzed, discussed every aspect and detail, seen every moment and taken it apart, and will have had every fight you could have, and then...what? There’s only so much “content” and “entertainment” you can get out of someone else’s life and bond and that’ll only be able to keep you interested for so long...and then what?

But if you got interested in Bangtan due to their music first and that is your primary focus while them as people is more of a nice “extra”, that’s “sustainable”, for a lack of better words. They release lots of music every year, have a huge discography along with side/solo projects, their lyrics are so layered and you can find so much in them, immerse yourself in their artistry. Their music can become your companion, basically. There are so many ARMY that have songs and albums that mean the world to them, that helped them heal or love themselves, that they keep coming back to, that engage in discussions about their music, old and new, and who find boundless joy in all of it while also adoring the members themselves.

If you got into them for their personalities while thinking their music is just okay, an all right extra, but you love their bonds and shows like RUN or Bon Voyage, I could imagine that being some kind of middle group but then again, why stan musicians whose music you only find okay? Would you be a fan of an actor whose personality you like but find the movies they are in and their acting ability mediocre/okay?

I’ve been around for a long time and the way I think that’s possible, and why I think I will remain ARMY for years to come as well, is because I genuinely love their music, love spending time listening to it, reading about it, talking to others about it, but also because I adore the members, their personalities and who they are, their bonds, their variety show type content and vlives, and I adore vmin and namjin. While I love talking about vmin/namjin, if I had to just focus on that (as in the ‘ship’ aspect of their bonds) all the time, I’d get exhausted and/or reach a point where everything that could be said would be said, but because I also spend a lot of time with OT7 content and in non-shipper ARMY spaces, with their music, their other content, reading their interviews and everything else, it’s a “sustainable” way to be ARMY. And I’ve seen and spoken to other ARMYs who have been around far longer than me, some even having been around since the very beginning, even before their debut, and that's how they’ve remained ARMY since, because it was this package deal that they fall in love with, the fact that they spend their time engaging in different fandom discussions and activities, instead of hyper focusing on a certain part of it exclusively, like shipping.

Of course, if you fell in love with the package deal in your twenties while in a dark place but then reached your thirties and, with the help of their music (side note: while Namjoon (inspired by Seokjin) told us to use BTS to be happy, don’t put the “responsibility” of healing you/helping you heal solely on an artist, since that’s not fair or healthy, rather if you really need help/assistance/someone to talk to, please reach out to someone, friends or family, or a professional if you can) and other (outside) factors, reached a better place and don’t feel as connected to them anymore as you did before, it’s possible you might “unstan”, but that doesn’t have to mean you’ll move away from their music completely, that you’ll make a clean cut and never look back. Especially if they helped you, chances are they will always remain with you one way or another for a long time. At the same time, I guess it’s only natural that sometimes our interests and tastes change and the band you used to love might just not “do it” anymore for you. It’s human. There are bands I used to love as teen but don’t care about anymore nowadays because their music isn’t my taste anymore, I don’t connect with it the way I used to etc. Does something like that make you a fake fan? No, it just, well, makes you human. Though, like I said, at this point I don’t foresee that happening for me with Bangtan and there are a lot, and I mean a lot, of others who will tell you the same thing. We’re in this Bangtan sh*t for life, purple blooded. Even Namjoon joked about how once you get into Bangtan there is no exit anymore. Or that no jammer joke about how once you JimIN you never JimOut.

Lastly there’s also a whole conversation to be had of what will happen once the members start enlisting, or once the daily content turns into monthly, bi-monthly, every half year and eventually only sporadicly spread out throughout the year, when their music will be all that we’ll get instead of music + additional content like sns posts or RUN. What will happen when that day comes? Shippers and those interested in their personalities will stop “being fed” and eventually their interest will dwindle away. Those who need to constantly be engaged with and fed to remain interested will likely dwindle away and move on to other content/musicians that’ll keep them fed with new things on a regular. And those who are into their music, or the package deal, they’ll likely still be fans, still love their music and come back and be active when new releases come, still occasionally return to content like watching concerts or old RUN episodes, but even they won’t stick around the same way we all do right now. This isn’t to say that when that day comes we’ll find out who “the real fans are”, because the question of what a real fan is, is a whole other discussion to be had, but rather it’ll be a natural, normal part of fandom, of a musicians career, of a human cycle.

Take AC/DC as example, after so many decades they still have fans that show up when they release a new album, but I doubt those fans have active stan accounts and engage in daily fandom stuff the way you do with a constantly active/present artist like BTS etc. And I can imagine that’ll be Bangtan and ARMY much later down the line as well.

To sum it all up, I don’t think there is a black or white answer, merely a gray one.

#BTS #discussion on loving an artist #answered ask #bangtan sonyeondan

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canvas-the-florist · 3 years ago

Text

Not Very Realistic

Ships: platonic prinxiety, platonic logince,

Warnings: Car accident, injuries, PTSD, swearing, food mention,

Summary: Roman considers his feelings about his car accident. This is basically a vent fic about a car accident I was just in, I’m okay, but that does mean it will be extremely full of angst and if that’s not your thing I wouldn’t recommend this specific story. AO3 Link

Word Count: 2.5K

There’s something weird about trauma that Roman just didn’t understand. He knew that logically, that the car had crashed, but he wasn’t a very logical person. Even looking at the wreckage in full, talking about what happened to his family, part of him still refused to believe that none of it had happened. Despite looking at the cuts showing blood on his hands were right there as evidence. None of this felt real, but it was. How does he deal with that?

Roman ran his hands through his hair. It had been a few hours. His arm had gotten washed up. He was completely fine, except for a few bruises around his fingers. But was he fine? Roman had stopped crying a while ago and mostly just felt denial. Thoughts in the back of his mind were whispering ‘you wouldn’t crash a car, you wouldn’t make that kind of mistake’ and ‘you didn’t even break a bone, car accidents are worse than that.’ They were silenced when Roman breathed in, almost believing he smelt the smoke. Everything should have been fine, but he had gone and messed it up. He didn’t want to, he genuinely thought that things were going to be okay.

But they weren’t, and they aren’t.

It had been a few hours since the accident. Roman felt like he should be more phased. A car accident was an extremely traumatic event that he had experienced that same day! And all he could think about was the fact he couldn’t remember what it felt like. Roman knew what happened before; He was trying to make a turn on a green light and didn’t see the other car. And he also knew what happened after; calling Patton in a panic because he made a mistake he forgot that can just happen to anyone. Roman remembered the police officers and his family rushing to him, asking him what had happened, only for him to choke out that he didn’t know. He laid back on his bed, looking up at the ceiling. Realistically, he had been extremely lucky and he knew that. Car related accidents kill so many people every day. And he just spent one afternoon watching his car getting towed before going home without saying anything.

Logan said that it wasn’t productive to think about how past events could’ve better played out. But, Roman wasn’t a logical person. He couldn’t help but imagine it. Replaying how he reacted. He could’ve been looking better, he could’ve registered how the fucking rules of the road work. Hell, he could’ve been quieter instead complaining about whatever song Virgil was playing on bluetooth. He rolled over to the side that was less hurt and took a breath.

Virgil. He bit the inside of his cheek. This entire event wasn’t okay, and was absolutely Roman’s fault. Virgil shouldn’t have been stuck with the consequences of someone else’s actions. Roman’s thoughts helpfully reminded him that he had been in an accident, something that his brain decided to forget to process once more. Roman felt so incredibly guilty for all the pain he put everyone in. He knew that he was hurt too, but did that matter? It was all his fault, anyways.

The door creaked open and Roman heard someone clear their throat. Roman looked up to see the other victim of the car accident. Virgil seemed tired and awkward in the doorway. “Logan made food. Said eating and drinking water can help with the effects of everything.”

“Okay,” The way his voice croaked out the word sounded like Roman’s mouth forgot how to form words and he hadn’t had water for a decade. He cringed at the sound of it. Roman started to say something, an apology maybe? But Virgil started closing the door. So he whispered another sentence. “I’ll be right out.”

Time and time throughout the day Roman could go from joking about what had happened, to feeling bad about it, to almost completely forgetting about it entirely. He felt weirdly guilty about his own emotions about it. Like he wasn’t reacting necessarily as he should. Roman couldn’t even tell how he felt about it all, he was just tired. Too much had happened and his body was tired of experiencing all these things. So it wasn’t, not properly anyway.

By the time the sun had set, Roman was sitting outside, watching the clouds go by, not really putting any effort into thinking. And still his mind was bombarding him with fear, pain, and guilt. So much guilt to the person in the other car, and to Virgil, who had to experience it with him. Mostly he felt guilty to everyone around him for having to deal with it because he was too busy being sorry that he couldn’t move or breathe. He wasn’t crying anymore, and his breathing was fine. But it didn’t feel like that. Should he be in more pain? Is that something that he deserves? If you’re going to wreck a car, why go for the simplest way to do it? Car crashes feel like a very dramatic experience so why does Roman feel underwhelmed?

Everything was too much or too little for his brain and Roman wasn’t sure how to handle it. He held himself with his arms, wondering why this had to happen. If he hadn’t been overly ambitious for once, this wouldn’t have happened. Right?

“How are you feeling, Roman?” Logan asked him. Roman had almost completely forgotten that he was there. Roman blinked and gave a huge smile.

“Well, specs, can’t say that I planned for any of this to happen.” Roman shrugged, his smile dropping as he looked down. His arms loosened up. Logan nodded, like he wanted Roman to open up about everything. Or maybe just to show that he was listening. “I was so sure that I wasn’t going to get hurt. Which isn’t true and I know that. Everyone can get hurt, I was caught up in some sort of main protagonist complex that I didn’t even realize that my mistakes matter. I fucked up and I don’t know if I can move on. My brain isn’t even letting me confirm that it happened, despite me knowing that it did. I blinked and the car was full of smoke.”

Roman laughed bitterly, and Logan furrowed his eyebrows in concern, but didn’t say anything. “I didn’t even register what had happened until Virgil told me to get out of the car. I truly don’t believe that I would’ve moved without him. Which is pathetic. I caused that accident but Virgil had to take charge of the situation because my brain wasn’t able to process it. And now I don’t know how I’m going to react to having to drive again! What if I fuck up and this time it’s even worse? None of this feels okay but I don’t know what to do…”

“Do you want advice?” Logan asked, calmly.

He decided to nod, focusing on trying not to cry instead of speaking.

“Alright. I believe that some of your thinking is similar to the cognitive distortion called ‘catastrophic thinking’. Catastrophic thinking is when after a person experiences a traumatic event starts reacting to every possible danger at the same level of the event they experienced. This is because it takes away the thinking that you’re constantly safe and not going to get hurt, so your brain is trying to make you feel safer by taking your ability to EVER get put into danger, which is not something that you can avoid.” Logan took a breath and stopped to make sure that Roman was still following. He was looking down at his fiddling hands, repopping his fingers repetitively. “You’re going to have to slowly break through this habit of thinking by giving yourself alternatives that aren’t just ‘safe’ or ‘dangerous’ because that is not how the world functions.”

Roman nodded, mostly to himself while Logan was talking. “Okay.” His voice was smaller than he wanted it to be but he was too tired to attempt to change that. Roman stood up shakily, not from the accident, but from his own fear enveloping his head. “Thanks Logan, I mean that, I really appreciate this. I’m going to try going to bed now.”

“Of course, Roman.” Logan responded, as Roman opened the backdoor back to the inside. He made no attempt to move, just watching his friend walk away from his sight. “I am here for you whenever you need me.”

As the door closed, Roman could see that the sky had gone dark as the sun disappeared.

Virgil had apparently decided to check on Roman one last time before going to bed. If him walking in after knocking a few times meant anything that is. Roman made eye contact with Virgil, wondering if that was going to be the end of their friendship. He would completely understand if it was, seeing as how badly everything had gone. Roman took a deep breath and got ready for any chastising that could occur.

“Princey?” He tensed up, waiting for Virgil to finish. “Are you okay? Today was… a lot.”

Oh, huh. “I mean, not really, but that doesn’t matter as much. How are you feeling? It wasn’t your fault that the whole thing happened. I’m so sorry.”

“Dude, I know you’re sorry.” Virgil stated, sitting on the bed next to Roman. “I didn’t ask about that. I know you didn’t mean to crash a car, that isn’t your thing. And the question was kind of a formality anyways. I just wanted to know if you were open to talking about it.”

Roman groaned. “All I’ve DONE today is talk about it. It’s the only thing in my head and my brain is still trying to convince me that it didn’t happen.” He fell backwards onto the bed, while Virgil watched him without a readable expression. “It’s all so much but also just… Just not. Y’know?”

“Yes,” Virgil said plainly. “I do know. Believe it or not, I was there. And I don’t blame you, man. You made a mistake. One that might traumatize us, but I’m not going to hold that against you. We’re both equally messed up here.”

The two laughed, and Virgil laid down next to Roman. Roman took a breath, something he wasn’t able to do when talking to the police. While looking at the ceiling he decided to think out loud. “Can you believe how many people honked at us when we got out of the car? I mean I know it was in the middle of an intersection but also the car was like half destroyed. The audacity is unreal.” He vaguely remembered hearing some of those cars stop to call 911, and the words of what they said echoing in his mind.

Virgil rolled his eyes dramatically. “I know. Two cars, one on the sidewalk and the other in the road after the car crash, how dare we be focused on other things than what everyone else needs to get done? I’m actually surprised how well we held it together for a while, before we both started crying on the concrete, at least.”

The room stayed silent for a while, both of them still processing what happened to them. Roman was tired of every moment of silence being interrupted with thoughts of the accident. He remembered yelling out as soon as he saw the other car and it was too late. One moment they were going to go shopping, and the next he blinked to see the airbags and smoke coming from everywhere. When Patton, Logan, and Remus arrived he was sobbing apologies into their shoulders, wanting to believe that none of this was real. It certainly didn’t feel like it. Roman wiped off the tears that were starting to form and looked at Virgil.

“How do we move on from this? This is just… So much.” Roman asked. Virgil had been in a few car accidents as a child, some better and some worse. Still traumatic.

“Well,” He started. “It took a while, and I mostly associated the fear of being in a car to the exact situation I was in. Like an icy road or something. But this just… happened. And there’s nothing we can do to change that. We… I don’t know what we’ll do, but we can figure it out.”

Roman tried not to look discontented. “That’s not exactly as well thought out as I would like, I kind of just want to move on. How can I focus on the future when every other thought is reminding me that we could have died?! We could have killed that person and our future and their future would have been ruined. I should’ve waited, I should’ve looked, I should’ve-!” He sat up, and Virgil soon followed. Roman wasn’t crying but he looked like he was about to. Virgil held his arm and he fell limp onto the side of his friend. “I just wish it didn’t happen at all.”

“No one wanted it to happen,” Virgil muttered. “It just did, and we have to accept that.”

“I don’t want to,” Roman complained weakly. “None of this is fair.”

There was no arguing that, and both of them knew it. Time kept passing by while the two considered everything. The topic could get distracted or happy, but eventually it would lead back to the car wreck. Evidently, it was going to be on their minds for a long time. Roman didn’t exactly enjoy the fact he couldn’t automatically move on, but tried to take what everyone had else said to heart. It was okay to acknowledge that the accident sucked without letting it control him, however long that took. Virgil left the room to sleep and suggested aggressively that Roman should do the same. He didn’t even notice that it was late until it was pointed out to him.

Lights were turned out, and Roman curled up in a fetal position under his blankets. He still felt kind of sore, more so than he did a few hours earlier. That also wasn’t fair, but whatever. Roman was supposed to be accepting things, so he could start healing. He moved around to try and get comfortable with little success.

Trauma was weird to Roman. One moment everything was fine until it wasn’t. One moment you could be having an entire mental breakdown over a small mistake with big consequences, and the next you’re under the covers like nothing had happened. But all of this was normal, and he was allowed to be like this. Allowed to react to the events that occurred. It would take a long time, and maybe that was okay too.

Taglist: @ghost-in-haunting @logan-sanders-enthusiast @imjustvibingyaknow @hailcap85 @brilliant-and-a-bit-mad

#car accident #food mention #sanders sides #roman sanders #roman centric #sanders sides fanfiction #emile writes #fake shitpost #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sander #remus sanders #police mention #ao3 #not very realistic

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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 4 years ago

Note

So, this may sound weird, since I don't ship ZK, but I think the reason some dislike EIP is because they realize it was the first part of a busted enemies-to-lovers arc. EIP was part one, where Zuko and Katara see how others see them, and it weirds them out. Yet, Zuko insisted on sitting next to Katara and Katara pushes Aang away, suggesting there might be something there that they don't want to acknowledge. (1/3)

The first part of the finale was Part 2, where June reiterates the "Hey you're with your gf again!" Zuko and Katara deny it, but there likely should have been an undercurrent of 'Why do people think we're together? Do we act like it? Should we be? S/he is kind of cute.' During this time, Zuko defers to Katara and despite Toph likely being more helpful, asks Katara to be the one to take down Azula with him. (2/3)

Last part of the finale should have been the money shot, Zuko taking lightning for Katara, and in a parallel to CoD, Katara healing him. Dante Basco is right in that there probably should have been a kiss at that moment and the end scene of the gang at the Jasmine Dragon with Zuko and Katara shyly proclaiming their interest in each other. (3/4, sorry I have one more)

Again, ZK is not my ship, but EIP seemed to set up a ZK endgame that jumped the tracks at the end. By all the "rules" of a good narrative, Zuko and Katara should have ended up together, otherwise EIP should never have been countenanced or storyboarded. Full disclosure that I'm not a huge Kataang fan either, but Kataang was done a disservice by having EIP exist. It either should not have ever gotten written, or the ZK enemies-to-lovers arc should have been concluded. (end)

Disclaimer: I don’t care if someone ships Zvtara. Never have, never will. If the takeaway you (the general you, not anon specifically lol) get from this post is that Zvtara is “bad,” then I’m going to assume you didn’t actually read anything I wrote, because that is the farthest thing from my point here. Also, this post is strictly my personal response to these asks. I don’t expect everyone to read this and be like “YEAH” lmao. I am sure some people have different opinions, and that is a-okay!

In short, I think we will have to agree to disagree, anon.

Do some people consider EIP the beginning of a busted enemies-to-lovers arc? Of course they do, they’re “rabid zkers” who wear Zvtara shipping goggles 24/7 lmao. EIP couldn’t have been the beginning of an E-L arc because such an arc was never in the cards for them in the first place! Katara forgave Zuko in the previous episode. Trying to cram a romantic relationship into five episodes after months of hatred between Zuko and Katara would have been awful writing (and thus probably would have been a decision mercilessly criticized until the end of time, lmao). So it’s honestly better that Zvtara gets to spread its wings in fanon instead (much less pressure)! Also, realistically speaking, Katara and Zuko probably still had so many issues to work through in their friendship. Like yes, she forgave him and recognized he was trying to do better, but that doesn’t erase what Zuko has done to her and her friends. There is still plenty of forward progress they need to make before romance can even be considered between them. If that makes sense?

Also, let’s be real: EIP and bit with June afterwards were 100% ship bait. Just an attempt to add to the “drama” of who Katara would end up. A technique only effective while it was airing, for the record, because if you watch the show straight through, it becomes glaringly obvious that Zuko and Katara’s relationship - while gorgeous - was always meant to stay strictly platonic within the canon timeline.

Anyways. I’ll try to break down your ask one piece at a time!

“Zuko and Katara see how others see them, and it weirds them out”

Yes, they are definitely weirded out! The transcript says, “Zuko and Katara inch away from each other, slightly uncomfortable.” Which is just a longer way of describing that they were weirded out by the depiction of their relationship in EIP, lol. However, the play is not how others see them. The play is the Fire Nation’s imperialist propaganda, meant to demean the entire Gaang. I talk about in specifics how the entire Gaang is belittled here, but this is the key stuff I noted about Zuko and Katara:

it’s important to situate that and more importantly situate eip zuko and katara’s relationship within the context of the show. the fire nation is an imperialist country. the southern water tribe has suffered heavily beneath them. we know from “the headband” that fire nation individuals are fed pro-imperialistic propaganda from birth; that combined with zuko and azula’s degrading comment of “peasant” towards katara demonstrate very clearly how the fire nation views every other nation - put simply, they are superior and everyone else is inferior. that attitude is therefore reflected in the eip play:

- katara, an indigenous woman, is highly sexualized and portrayed as overly dramatic and tearful, because the fire nation objectifies women not of their own people and views them as less intelligent and less emotionally stable

- she is thus paired as having a “romance” with zuko in eip because naturally, via fire nation logic, zuko would be able to “score” an “easy” woman of one of the water tribes

- furthermore, the eip “romance” between zuko and katara emphasizes zuko’s position as a traitor to the fire nation; the implication is that as a traitor, he’d only be able to achieve a relationship with a “lesser” woman, e.g. a woman not of the fire nation

That is not how other people truly view Zuko and Katara’s relationship. That is how the Fire Nation depicts their relationship in order to degrade and dehumanize Zuko and Katara. To misinterpret that as “evidence” that Zuko and Katara should have been together romantically is… disturbing, in my opinion. (I really try to stay far away from zkers who use EIP as “proof” of supposed Zvtara interest in each other like honey that is imperialist propaganda please don’t 😭).

If you want to talk about how other people actually view Zuko and Katara’s relationship, look at the Gaang, who were around them most of all! They never tease the possibility of romance between their friends. Why? Because within canon, there wasn’t one. Simple!

“Zuko insisted on sitting next to Katara”

Nope! This is all the transcript says: “Zuko [Removing his hood.] Just sit next to me. What’s the big deal?” He doesn’t even mention Katara! Zuko is literally just like I’m already sitting. Why do I need to move? lmfao. It’s no thoughts head empty for our favorite firebender 😂

“Katara pushes Aang away”

I’m assuming this about the kiss, which I’m going to make a post about in the future because I am TIRED of the tomfoolery. Anyways, I’ll keep this brief - yes, she does push him away. She does not deny that she likes him. For Katara, the issue is the timing: “This isn’t the right time.” Both Katara and Aang know they like each other, plain and simple (which is why Aang doesn’t ask if he returns her feelings - he asks if they’d be together, because he knows their feelings are mutual). Katara pushes Aang away because, as she says, they’re in the middle of a war. She’s already seen Aang die once. He might die again. She doesn’t want that, of course, but it’s a reality Katara is forced to consider.

Anyways, her decision has nothing to do with Zuko. Lol.

“June reiterates the ‘Hey you’re with your gf again!’ Zuko and Katara deny it, but there likely should have been an undercurrent of ‘Why do people think we're together? Do we act like it? Should we be? S/he is kind of cute.’”

June’s assumption - especially because it is a repeat of a gag from earlier in the series, when it is incredibly concerning to assume a Fire Nation citizen would be with someone of the Water Tribes because of the war and its consequences - is comic relief. Not even good comic relief, lmao, because of the horrific implications I just mentioned that come with it, but it’s supposed to be comedy. There was no need of any “Zvtara” undercurrents there because a) Katara and Zuko had never expressed romantic interest in each other in the past, b) it wouldn’t track with the show’s narrative of Katara as Zuko’s surrogate sibling because of her position as Azula’s primary foil, and c) it just doesn’t make sense in general. Katara likes Aang. Zuko likes Mai. There was never a love triangle there, plain and simple. Fandom invented it.

And again, if you want to talk about how people actually see Zuko and Katara, don’t look at June, who has never had a proper conversation with either of them. As I said, the Gaang is a much better example, since they’re with the two 24/7. If they never tease Zuko and Katara about romance, why should we trust this random lady who doesn’t even know them?

“During this time, Zuko defers to Katara and despite Toph likely being more helpful, asks Katara to be the one to take down Azula with him.”

As I mentioned, Katara is Azula’s primary foil, so from a literary perspective she absolutely needed to be the one to take her down. Zuko needed to face Azula, but taking her down - again, from a literary pov - was always meant to be the end of Katara’s journey (she was the only person besides Aang who was ever a match for Azula, after all, as we see in CoD). Also, how would Toph be more helpful?? Not saying you’re wrong, btw, I just don’t understand what you mean. If I was Zuko, I also would have brought the waterbender that I’d already witnessed almost take down my sister already 😂. But even if Toph would have been more helpful, sometimes practicality must be sacrificed for a fulfilling narrative arc, lol!

“Last part of the finale should have been the money shot, Zuko taking lightning for Katara, and in a parallel to CoD, Katara healing him.”

Honestly, anon, this part of your ask baffles me 😂 I totally understand why rabid zkers might make this argument, but taking into account the rest of the show… It just doesn’t make sense? It’s been talked about a hundred times, but Zuko taking lightning out of romantic interest would ruin his redemption arc, regardless of if it was Katara or Aang or Sokka or anyone in the Gaang that he was taking it for, so that should be the end of discussion, full stop. I’ve talked about this issue here and here before, and someone else does a great job breaking it down in this post, too. But seriously. Zuko having romantic interest for anyone in the Gaang would ruin!! His!! Entire!! Arc!! I hate when people don’t understand that 😭 Zuko had to learn selflessness, to learn how to put others before himself, and to unlearn the imperialist rhetoric he’d been indoctrinated with from birth. Romantic interest during canon for Katara, Sokka, Aang, whomever, I don’t care, completely disregards all of his growth of breaking away from the Fire Nation. Plain and simple.

“Dante Basco is right in that there probably should have been a kiss at that moment and the end scene of the gang at the Jasmine Dragon with Zuko and Katara shyly proclaiming their interest in each other.”

I learned in a discord I’m in that Dante Basco apparently hadn’t seen the whole show until this year lmao. He didn’t know what energybending was nor did he know A:TLA ended with a Kataang kiss. Take that with a grain of salt, of course (you can watch the livestream this is revealed in here, and it was also mentioned in the recent StageIt A:TLA reunion), but I think it’s safe to conclude Dante Basco can be treated like any other Zvtara shipper. He likes the ship, which is totally cool, but he is not one of the writers, so his opinion meant naught in constructing the canon narrative.

ANYWAYS. My point is why would Zuko and Katara proclaim interest in each other if such interest would have to be crammed into five measly episodes?? Especially when four of those episodes were the finale?? That is awful writing, of course the A:TLA writers wouldn’t do that, lmao! They’d built up Kataang and Maiko already. Why scrap it and needlessly rush a romance from an excellent - and, important to note, a newly established - platonic bond? Nah.

“EIP seemed to set up a ZK endgame that jumped the tracks at the end. By all the ‘rules’ of a good narrative, Zuko and Katara should have ended up together”

Nope. Idk what rules people have been teaching you, anon, but they were lying!! You deserve better than people who would lie to you like that 😤. But yeah, narratively speaking, Katara and Zuko getting together would have made no sense. It would have undermined Zuko’s and Katara’s arcs, it would have completely disregarded Katara’s established feelings for Aang and Zuko’s for Mai, and again, it would have been totally rushed. Who wants that?? Normal people don’t, lmao. This might be hard to believe considering I occasionally rag about BNF zkers, but I actually have several friends who are Zvtara shippers! They agree that canon Zvtara would have made no sense, and that it’s better to play out a potential Zvtara dynamic in post-A:TLA fanon. I swear, it is only the rabid shippers who think Zvtara should have been canon, and trust me when I say no one should want to associate with them, lmao.

(And again, as I touched upon earlier, Zuko and Katara’s canon narrative relationship was surrogate siblings because of Katara’s position as Azula’s primary foil. The show wrapped their arc up perfectly! With a lovely bow and all. So no complaints from me!)

“otherwise EIP should never have been countenanced or storyboarded. Full disclosure that I’m not a huge Kataang fan either, but Kataang was done a disservice by having EIP exist”

What EIP did right:

- accurate (and horrifying) depiction of pro-imperialist propaganda

- recap of previous seasons

- a lesson on consent (Aang kisses Katara, it is depicted as wrong, and Aang reacts appropriately by admonishing himself and by giving Katara space afterwards. like, people call Aang an incel/entitled/whatever, BUT HE HAD THE PERFECT REACTION?? he literally backed off and never pressured her again. i would have killed for the guy who kept getting in my personal space during my junior year to have backed off when i told him to. spoiler alert: he didn’t)

- hit some good humor beats

What EIP did poorly:

- honestly it’s not very interesting just based on watching it (deconstructing it as propaganda gives it better depth), but that’s to be expected from filler

- stupid shipping drama

- not having an additional conversation/explicit apology between Aang and Katara

HOWEVER. This final point is actually very subjective. For one, A:TLA has a clear trend of not showing apologies on screen. Ex.: Katara doesn’t apologize to Sokka for what she said about their mother, Zuko doesn’t apologize for anything he did to the Gaang, Song, or really anyone (closest we get is “Hello, Zuko here” lmao), Ty Lee and Mai don’t apologize for putting the Kyoshi warriors in jail, etc. etc. So while an explicit apology would have been great, the lack of one admittedly tracks with the show’s pre-established standards. And two, while I of course would love a conversation between Aang and Katara (that’s literally MORE KATAANG. why would I refuse 😂), it isn’t… necessary, to be frank. Aang’s mistake is treated as such - kissing Katara was wrong and he should never have done that. Like I said, Aang acknowledges this error and gives Katara space afterwards. Thus, it is Katara who chooses to be with him when the war is over. She respects the time he gave her to come to a conclusion, and the choice she makes is that she loves him despite his poorly-timed kiss (I mean, she forgave Zuko for being complicit in Aang’s death. Katara is clearly a very forgiving person!). So like,, it gets to a point where if someone doesn’t recognize that, they’re probably the kind of weirdo who labels anything they don’t understand in a story as a plothole, lmao.

All of this is to say that EIP wasn’t a disservice to Kataang. It certainly could have been better, of course, and the kiss was obviously only put in to hype up drama (“will they, won’t they” blah blah blah), but overall it handled consent well for a kid’s show.

“It either should not have ever gotten written, or the ZK enemies-to-lovers arc should have been concluded.”

On the whole, EIP is absolutely an unnecessary episode, yeah. It was just a recap before the finale. The only important thing is its accurate depiction of pro-imperialist propaganda, but most people’s minds don’t immediately go to that, I’ll admit lmao 😂. And as I’ve already said, there was no Zvtara E-L arc - fandom completely made that up. Which is totally fine! That’s the point of transformative works. But they are still fanon. Plain and simple.

TL;DR - Zvtara was never in the cards for A:TLA. I wish rabid zkers would stop pretending it was and have fun in the sandbox like the rest of us 😭

And for the record, anon, you absolutely, 100% do not have to be convinced by any of this! It’s just my own, personal thoughts on the whole dealio. No worries either way!! 💛

#emphasis on my use of rabid zker. if you know you don't fall into that category then it's obviously not about you lol #(general you. not anon specifically)#amy answers #anon #amy analyzes

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thatblondeperson · 4 years ago

Note

If you’re going to retcon a character’s sexuality, especially if it interferes with the long-running love interest of said character, at least have the balls to show their changing relationship. If DC “officially” makes Tim bi or gay, I’m not going to care because they literally threw Stephanie away to make it happen. It won’t be expanding or developing his character, it’ll just be wasteful.

Here's the thing, I do agree with a lot of what's being said here but I also disagree with a few points.

I don't necessarily think that this is a retcon first and foremost. If Tim is bi, it doesn't at all negate his past attraction to women, nor any potential future attraction. Him discovering an attraction to men is just a new character development and not a retcon.

If Tim is gay, that's still not a retcon unless they completely dismiss any of his relationships with female characters. If those are negated and treated as if they shouldn't have happened, that's a retcon. But many real people experience sexual fluidity before they really discover who they are. I've had friends who considered themselves straight, then bi, then gay and it's not something that negates their previous preferences. Sexuality for some is a journey, and yes...Tim is fictional and this doesn't have the same implications as real world attraction, BUT, sexuality can have grey areas and that's OK.

I am waiting for the next issue to see if the breakup is explored and I hope it will be. I'm VERY upset that Steph is seemingly being cast aside right now. I'm holding out, but if they don't properly air out the breakup then that's going to piss me off to no end. I fully agree that mlm representation delivered on the back of misogyny is an issue that really needs to stop happening. Women don't need to suffer for mlm gain. I don't necessarily have to see them together in canon. It's NICE to have new content of them, but I joined this fandom when she didn't even exist so I am a patient person with a lot of love for old comics. But together or separate, Tim and Steph have a story that deserves to be told. She's one of the most important people in his life and I'm tired of DC trying to pretend that that's not the case every few years. She MATTERS. Fucking hell, she matters so hard.

I don't agree that any representation is wasteful. Tim is such an important and well known character and so many people, kids and adults alike, have related to him for years. This is a HUGE step that could change a lot for big name comics. Tim isn't just some side character that they're calling LGBT+, he's not a "5 seconds of screentime" Disney gay. He's a MAIN character. One who's had his own series, a 20 year one at that, one who is frequently featured in Batman comics alongside other titles, and one who is a household name for well read comic fans. This is big, and this is IMPORTANT. It will not be a waste for readers everywhere to see themselves represented by a comic frontrunner.

I understand people who will want to continue to ship TimSteph if Tim comes out as gay. A part of me will always want to as well and I may still do do in private but I likely will not create new public content for them. It just seems disrespectful. I'll have to gauge the general audience response over whatever comes next this year and idk...but a part of me would feel insanely wrong ignoring a canon gay character and making them straight for my own entertainment. Mind you, I could still consider him bi but it's just such a tricky situation and I'm having a very hard time dealing with it rn. This is all very selfish for me of course because yes, it's just because I don't want my sole artistic muses to be taken from me before I've finished all my WIPs. We shall see, anon. I want my ship to stay intact, but I'm also an adult and I will take my defeat like a champ if I have to.

#timsteph #tim drake #stephanie brown #personal #ask tbp

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volturialice · 4 years ago

Text

me: i’m not gonna write any more of the drugged!human alice au

also me:

it has a title now too I guess. posting in a huge rush because I was supposed to be out the door ten minutes ago, so it’s even more unbeta’ed than usual. oh well

2,180 words

warnings: drugs, discussion of date rape, vomiting

rating: T

pairings: jalice

part 1 here

perihelion 2/?

It’s hard to tell visions from dreams. Sometimes, Alice doesn’t know which is which until a vision is coming true right in front of her, and then it’s like, okay, too late to do anything about this now. It means all of her dreams are high stakes—any nightmare could become a life-ruining disaster, any good dream could be made or unmade real by some hidden catalyst she doesn’t know about. She’s pretty sure she almost bombed the PSAT because she didn’t wear the blue top she had on in the dream where she scored a 189.

But her inability to tell the difference was never that big of a deal until Forks—until she started dreaming about the Cullens, and Jasper specifically. She wishes she could tell which of the Jasper dreams are real. They’re just so…well, horny. If Alice knew they were visions, and not her subconscious making a complete, desperate idiot of itself, she could be less embarrassed about the whole thing.

Tonight she dreams of Jasper and Rosalie in a room with green walls and shiny wood floors. They’re different in the dream, somehow—more still. Rosalie doesn’t sit. Jasper doesn’t blink.

Between them, an open doorway gapes into darkness. Just visible in the room beyond is the silhouette of a prone figure on a bed, unmoving. They watch it for an uncomfortable amount of time before Rosalie speaks.

“If she were any other human, I would have hunted you for sport, you know.”

“I know,” says Jasper, sounding impossibly old and tired.

“I would be off absolutely wrecking your shit right now, and then I would take care of the liability, because that’s how it works in this family. But she’s…this.” Rosalie grimaces, gesturing to the figure on the bed. “And why was it you told us you were following her, again? To ‘ensure her silence?’ Right,” she scoffs, evidently too disgusted with Jasper to keep looking at him.

“She hasn’t said anything. She won’t.”

“No, she won’t, because you’ll stop her at all costs, will you?”

Jasper’s face doesn’t betray the slightest twitch, but his eyes harden almost imperceptibly. “Not that way.”

Rosalie whirls back around. “You were supposed to be the one person I could count on to do what’s necessary! And now you’re telling me you won’t? Listen to yourself!”

Jasper throws up his hands. “Why are you here, then, Rose? Why are you helping her?”

“I’m helping you, you jackass! I know you all think I’m this narcissistic bitch, but I’m not…not inhumane, okay?” Rosalie levels a contemptuous glance at him, then looks away. “I don’t want some girl to be date-raped, however dangerous she is. And I’m not about to sit by and watch you make a complete mess of things.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I think that ship may have sailed,” grumbles Jasper.

“I’ll say. I drive up and she’s going on about how you’re stalking her and claiming you’re dating? She should have been killed the moment she figured out what we were, but instead you’re following her around protecting her because of some bizarre psychic connection she claims you have? Make it make sense, Jasper.”

“Edward confirmed her ability is real.”

“Great, so she’s a bigger freak than us. That makes it all ok,” snaps Rosalie, dripping with sarcasm. “Wonderful to know your abysmal taste in women hasn’t altered after all these years.”

Jasper ignores both the jab and the implication. “Earlier you made it sound like you were on her side.”

“I just think you ought to admit what’s really going on here. You won’t let us kill her—fine. It’s utterly irresponsible and stupid, but I can accept that. But it’s not like we can allow her to keep existing out there as a human, knowing what she knows.”

Jasper barks out a humorless, incredulous laugh. “Are you advocating that we should have Carlisle change her? You, Rosalie Hale, want to ‘take away her humanity?’”

Rosalie shrugs. “I’m not saying she wouldn’t be better off dead. But she’s not a very good human, is she? I gather she’s not exactly thriving. They have to pump her full of drugs just to keep her functional, and her human peers still think she’s insane. Be realistic. Her life was over the moment she learned the truth about us.”

Jasper’s only response is a slow shake of his head, like he still can’t believe what he’s hearing.

Rosalie’s eyes narrow. “Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about changing her. Don’t tell me it wasn’t your first thought, when you realized you didn’t want her dead. I may not be the mind reader in the family, but I know that’s a lie.”

It takes Jasper a beat too long to answer. “Of course I’ve thought about it.”

“Not enough, apparently. Right now, we’re in as much danger as she is. If she were one of us…well, her life is already ruined anyway. At least then we’d have her oh-so-special ability on our side. Surely you can see the strategic advantage,” Rosalie rebukes. “Better Carlisle changes her than the Volturi. Has it occurred to you that if they ever find out she exists, the decision will be taken right out of your hands?”

“It’s not in my hands.”

Rosalie rolls her eyes again. “Hers, then.”

He sighs. “The possibility did occur to me.”

“You think she wants to learn Italian and live in a sewer? Eat tourists?”

“I have no idea what she wants.”

Rosalie laughs. “Right, because she’s playing it so close to the vest. She called you a simp. Do you know what that means?”

“We’re not talking about this.”

“Funny how you never want to confide in anyone, yet here we are.”

Jasper’s look says that isn’t what’s going on here, but he doesn’t respond. They settle back into tense silence.

“What are you going to do about the man? The one who drugged her?” asks Rosalie after a while.

“Eliminate him. Quietly.”

Rosalie nods. “Carlisle won’t like it.”

“He doesn’t have to.”

“Can you actually do it, though? Without slipping?”

Jasper doesn’t answer, which is an answer in itself.

“I could do it.” Rosalie’s voice is quiet.

“It’s not your problem.”

“Exactly,” Rosalie insists. “It wouldn’t be a problem for me. If you slip…well, we may not have to move, but you won’t be able to come back to school for months. Going to trust the rest of us to babysit your human?”

“I won’t slip,” says Jasper, but for the first time, he sounds uncertain.

Alice’s dream chooses this moment to blur and shift. Jasper and Rosalie melt away, voices distorting until they’re drowned out by other voices, other sounds and images that crowd in and pull at her, like being tossed around in a rough ocean. They come one after another, too fast to make sense of them—muddy tires, a burst of cut-off music, a slow, dark ooze crawling over pavement, an echoing splash. Familiar red eyes, looking down at her.

Then Alice is awake, and the eyes looking down at her are black. Wait, no. There are no eyes looking down at her. It must have been part of the dream.

She’s lying on something soft—a bed. Above her is a white ceiling. Her head throbs with a confused, cotton-y ache, and her mouth tastes disgusting.

What the hell happened? Alice isn’t great at piecing together chronological sequences at the best of times. She remembers being in Port Angeles…splitting up with Bella in order to meet her friends from the art show at a bar, and then…people talking, her legs sticking to the green leather barstool. The lights getting blurry around the edges, the cool, slippery feel of condensation from the glass in her hand, and…oh. Oh, shit. Jasper.

Jasper had been there. The last thing she can recall is Jasper approaching, his face twisted in rage so murderous that she’d thought, huh, I guess he really is a vampire.

She rolls over and—speak of the devil—there he is, standing kind of a weird distance away, halfway between the bed and the door. He looks far less murderous than she remembers.

“Good morning,” she croaks, struggling into a sitting position. “Um. Where the hell am I?”

“Port Townsend,” says Jasper, which means absolutely nothing to her. She’s only been in Forks a few months—is she seriously supposed to know Washington geography?

To Alice’s immense relief, she’s still fully clothed. She does a surreptitious check to make sure her boobs aren’t falling out of her shirt, and when she looks back up there’s a glass of water in front of her face. She takes it and chugs the whole thing down in a few gulps. Why does she feel so hungover? She had only had, like, two drinks last night. Certainly not enough to make her black out and forget the whole evening. No, this big, empty gap in her memory feels more like when they used to drug her at the hospital. In fact, it feels exactly like that.

Jasper takes the empty glass from her and hands her another full one. He’s still watching her in a way that makes her want to squirm and fidget. Why had he been so angry last night?

She chugs the second glass of water while her sluggish brain tries to add it all up. Angry Jasper plus no memory plus waking up in a bed in a strange place, equals…yikes. Maybe she shouldn’t be drinking whatever he hands her.

“Uh,” she taps her fingers against the empty glass, “why do I feel like I’ve been roofied?”

“Because you were. Here,” says Jasper, handing her something else. Her own phone, somehow fully charged. One new voicemail, from…herself.

Future Alice, this is Past Alice. You’re probably pretty freaked out right now, but it’s okay! Jasper didn’t drug you. I repeat, Jasper did not drug you. Be nice to Rosalie; she’s there to help. Now put the phone down, you’re about to hurl. Bye!

Alice has just enough time to think, Rosalie? before a violent wave of nausea hits and she’s throwing up into the waste bin that appears in front of her face. “Ugh,” says the person holding it, and sure enough, there’s Rosalie.

There’s something extra humiliating about throwing up in front of two vampires, one of whom she kind of has a thing with and the other of whom is his super-hot sister who hates her. Thankfully, her stomach was empty except for the two glasses of water.

Rosalie blurs out of the room—damn, she’s fast—and reappears without the waste bin. It’s weird being on the bed while Rosalie and Jasper are standing, so Alice gets to her feet, already feeling way better. “Whose house is this?” she asks.

“Mine,” says Rosalie, practically shooting laser beams of resentment from her eyes.

“You wouldn’t let us take you home or to the hospital,” explains Jasper. “This is Rosalie and Emmett’s beach cottage.”

“Cottage” seems like the wrong word for this place, now that Alice gets a look at it. It has eight- or nine-foot ceilings and the view out the window—a vast, gray body of water that might be the ocean or some kind of bay—looks like a default computer desktop.

“Oh. So, then…someone else drugged me last night?” She tries to remember who she was talking to before Jasper came over, but she’d talked to so many people at the bar that they all kind of blur together in her head.

Jasper nods.

“Like we’d ever need to drug you,” says Rosalie. Oh, right. Vampires.

“So you just…watched me sleep?”

“Yeah, it was riveting. I had no idea snoring like a lawnmower was a side effect of rohypnol.”

So Alice was supposed to be nice to Rosalie, huh? Easier said than fucking done.

Something pushes at the back of her mind—Rosalie and Jasper watching her sleep. She, Alice, had watched them watching her sleep—from outside her own body. A vision, then, and not a dream.

She tries to remember the rest of it on the drive back to Forks, staring out the back window of Rosalie’s BMW like a kid with the two vampires up front. There had been something else in the vision, something besides the disjointed set of images. Jasper and Rosalie had talked about her, about whether or not she should be a vampire. She sneaks a glance at Jasper in the car mirror, at his downcast, shadowed eyes. Had he ever actually said whether he wanted Alice to be a vampire or not?

His eyes snap up to meet hers in the mirror, so suddenly she almost jumps. Alice looks away, guilty for no real reason. The vision, think about the vision.

There had been something else in it: a plan. They were going to…something. Something about slipping, something Rosalie thought she could do better than Jasper…

Right. They were going to kill someone.

rosalie @ human bella: noooo don’t become a vampire you’re so fertile aha

rosalie @ human alice: yeah nobody’s impregnating this little gremlin. bite away

#twilight fanfiction #jalice #jasper hale #alice cullen #rosalie hale #fic: mine #drugs //#date rape mention //#vomiting //#perihelion tag

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tendousthoughts · 4 years ago

Text

Different Type of Love

Y/N or Ship(s): Y/N (Y/N x Kageyama)

Genre: Angst with a fluff ending

Warning(s): Foul language (cursing)

Summary: He gets too personal with his attacks, and I guess I’m just too emotional but I don’t know who wouldn’t be hurt. I get it I am a fucking idiot, to much of a crybaby. I get that I’m not what you want.

A/N: I am not a Kageyama lover, but I can imagine him just getting so mad at me to the point he says something he will regret. This is a huge angst. Serotonin by girl in red is stuck in my head lmao plz help. Please feel free to reblog! Sorry for the grammatical and spelling errors!

Welcome Back

He walks in and his anger is radiating off of him.

“Hey baby I-” He walked right past you. Like you were invisible to him. Without even a word.

I wonder what happened ~ y/n

You take a breath and follow after. Finding him in the room you guys share changing into some comfier clothes. As he finishes and sits on the bed playing with his phone, you slowly walk up sitting next to him. He moves a bit farther from you and you take the queue to move back a bit.

“Y/n, what do you need?” He spoke with annoyance.

“Uh,” You sit there dumbfounded. It was the first time in months that he had called you that. “Are you free for dinner?”

“Maybe. Can you leave me alone now?” He spoke not even sparing you a glance.

“Ya um talk to you later I guess,” you grab your stuff heading to the spare bedroom feeling like shit already. Not having any idea what had got him so annoyed.

Did I do something? Why is he so annoyed? ~ y/n

You cuddle up in the bed wearing his jacket. It smelled just like him, for some weird reason it just made you more uncomfortable. Maybe because it was just a remembrance of how you're just an annoyance to the real person. That you had to go to his things for comfort, not even him could deal with you. You took it off, placing it on the desk next to the bed. You grab your phone and headphones next to it. You plopped them in and tried to relax. He didn’t even say anything mean. It was just the tone, hurt, if that made sense.

You wake up to a presence around you. Turning around you see Kageyama behind you. He has his arms wrapped around you and his face in his hair. You smile a bit. So maybe it wasn’t you, maybe you were at the wrong place in the wrong time. You smile softly as you feel so warm and comfy your blushing. Then you wake up, for real this time. The bed is empty. Just that jacket, and you.

Dinner

You walk into the room he was in. There he was sleeping, like there wasn’t a care in the world. It was five. You had set up a date at six, but he just looked tired. So you decide not to wake him. You smile softly getting ready. Grabbing your keys, you call up Tsukishima, your ex. You don’t know why, but you just want to check up on him. You guys are still close.

Ring...

“Hey y/n? What’s up?” He states.

“Just wondering if you and Yams want to go for dinner, on me?” You state, hopeful.

“Uh, let me see,” Tsukishima got quiet for a second before returning, “Ya that seems fine send me the location we will be there soon.”

“Oh ya of course!” You smile with excitement. “Thanks..” your voice kinda dies from the excitement.

“You good?” He knows you too well, just like an older brother.

“Kinda, just Kags got kinda annoyed today about something and he doesn’t wanna talk. But, it is all good see you soon!” You smile getting in the car and buckle up.

“Ya. Don’t let him get to you, you're better than that. Bye see you soon,” he chuckles and he hangs up. You sent the location, putting your phone in silent, and went to the restaurant.

You talk to the worker and they switch it to three people. Five minutes later they arrive and you are shown to your seats. “Yamaguchi you’re looking really nice you got to send me that skin care routine,” you laugh a bit.

“Ya I will for sure, it really helped me.” He smiles a bit. Grabbing one of the menus, “You don’t have to pay I’m fine paying.” He smiles a bit.

“Oh um you sure I want to pay,” you smile.

“Oh, I guess you can then but if you don’t feel comfortable with it tell me okay?” He smiles. Tsukishima is lucky he ended up with such a nice guy.

“Ya of course,” you look over at Tsukishima. He is looking through the menu.

He looks up a bit, “thank you for dinner, and inviting us otherwise we would still be in our house basically doing nothing.”

“It is nothing, I just wanted some company and you guys are always fun to hangout with,” you whisper softly looking at the menu. If Kageyama wasn’t so busy maybe you could be with him right now.

You guys order, then get the food, eat, make jokes and just hang out. You feel needed something you haven’t felt in a while, being with Kageyama.

“So Yamaguchi, how is Tsukishima treating you? I’ll beat him up if he is treating you anything worse then as if you are a king!” You joke.

“No need he is treating me perfectly, how about Kageyama?” He is looking at you with a smile.

“Okay I guess,” you mumble trying to avoid the conversation you mention ice cream, you don’t want this to end, you don’t want to have to go home.

“Oh ya that will be on us though!” Yamaguchi smiles softly.

“Okay I guess, you guys pick the place and I will pay up in the front,” you walk up and a good looking male is at the register.

“Um, can I please pay for the dinner now?” You smile softly.

“Sure, um by any chance can I get your phone number?” He smiles a bit as he rings up the price. You blush, not thinking you automatically say no.

“He’s cute,” Yamaguchi chuckles as he sees you blushing.

“Yams..” Tsukishima mumbles softly.

“Oh but my Tsuki is the cutest isn’t he?” Yamaguchi smiles at Tsukishima’s blush.

You smile, getting ice cream with them and then heading back.

Wishes

Here we go, brace yourself ~ y/n

As you unlock the door there he is as soon as you walk in. You have your headphones ready, you can’t handle screaming today.

“Where the hell have you been?” Kageyama takes note of your outfit.

You do what he did to you this morning, walk right past him.

“HEY! I AM TALKING TO YOU!” He follows. You start to change and get into comfy clothes then head to the spare room not ready for his bull shit.

“AYE STUPID,” He screams clearly pissed and you can’t tell why. He did the same thing and now he wants to be annoyed. “FUCKING IDIOT OVER HERE! CAN YOU STOP BEING SO IMMATURE. JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU WENT!” You stay silent. “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, I WISH I GOT A BETTER PARTNER!”

“What?” You mutter out playing with your phone.

“What do you mean what?” He looks at you with pure disgust.

“What do you want from me?” You mutter, “J-just leave me then” you voice cracks as tears flood your eyes. “You come home and you're pissed for god knows what reason then you take it out on me. YOU tell me to leave you alone and I do. I was hungry, so I asked some people if they wanted to go for dinner. UNLIKE YOU they actually want my company,” you can’t even look at him. “You push me away and when I do the same thing to you, I messed up huh? YOU asked for space. FUCKING 50 calls! YOU called me 50 times! YOU asked for space!”

It finally hit him how much he has been hurting you. He runs up to you and just doesn’t know what to do. “I didn’t me-”

“You think I don’t think you didn’t mean to? I know you, unlike how you don’t know anything about me. You always like to pretend to be the best boyfriend when anyone is around. Whenever I need you, that just switches.” You can’t help the words spilling out. “I feel so lonely...”

He looks at you and tears are slipping. “Y/n, I really love you please I am sorry. Please don’t break up with me. I am sorry. Today was tough and I shouldn’t have done that. I know, I suck I know but please... I will be better.” You look at him, he looks like a mess. “I was worried, got up and you weren’t there. Then you weren’t answering and I thought you left and then I saw you all dressed up when you came home and I just flipped out. I shouldn’t have.” He began to panic and you could tell. He began breathing heavy. This only happened one other time, he was having a panic attack and it seemed like he might have had one earlier due to what he was saying. “It’s hard to breath.”

“Babe..” You pulled him to the bed and held him tight. “It is going to be okay, take a deep breath with me on the count of three, one, two three, breath,” you repeat till he is calm.

He is still crying holding on to you tight just repeating, “I’m sorry” uncontrollably. You hold him till he falls asleep. Maybe he wasn’t the best but he does truly love you it seems. Maybe he is just bad at showing it. You could work with that. No. You guys could work with that.

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years ago

Note

I am a hard Taekook shipper but recently Jikook have been melting my heart by being so cute and cudly and loving. I understand and i am sorry for so mhch hate from Taekookers but trust me Taekookers are a bit shaken right now. I cannot disclose my name here but i would like to say if Jikook is real or they decide to come out which i higly doubt then i am 100% in support and also ur page helped me open my eyes and see a diff sude of shipping which is needed alot more. I am Loving Love ryt now.

C'est la vie!

So sorry for the late response love. You've always been on my mind.

I get not every Taekooker is wild and rabid just as not every Joker is sane and fake woke. Lol.

I mean I'm still holding on to my grudge against your people for storming my business pages and leaving shit reviews on my books- and laughing about it? What was that? Damn. Had to change my author name and everything and I've since been publishing under an alias- let me tell you, it's no fun at all.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have called y'all's ship dead- but honestly it dead, it dried up like a drop of sweat on a dessert. What can I say? People just don't want the truth, lol- had these angry thirteen year olds and fake woke Jokers coming for my ass and my business ass on the flamingo app. Chilee. Your people don't want to be civil. Sigh.

Some people just have no sense of personal responsibility and when they get called out for it they slap you with the whole, 'no one asked you to put yourself and your business out there' - this creepy behavior and mental adroitness is not far from rapists blaming girls for wearing short shorts and mini skirts or thieves blaming people for not putting up a fence and shit to protect their property. It's fucked up.

And don't get me started on what they do to Jimin or JK... or even Tae- not to make you feel bad or anything. It's just my people suck, your people suck, we all suck square- don't apologize for it unless you plan on doing something to change it?

As for Taekook, yea I don't think there is anything wrong with shipping them. They have a beautiful bond, they are both visuals and both funny as hell. If you won't ship them I will. Lol.

Just know the reason you are shipping them? If you are shipping them because you genuinely believe they are a couple too then you need to stop shipping them and start supporting them?

And once you start supporting them then I think you'd sooner realize there isn't anything there to support in the first place. Lol.

I support Jikook because I believe with my full chest they are real and are closeted- emphasis on closeted. And for the record, they are the only queer couples in BTS.

Tae lost his queer card when he accidentally outed Jimin on that radio show. 'I think he likes men' yea, straight up het behavior. Lack of homo sensitivity.

Did you see JK's reaction when JM was asked to spill tea on their pervy behaviors behind cams? My butt quivered. Chilee, I thought he was gone out JK too. Damn.

I think the word real and closeted have come loose and cheap on these streets these days. I don't think most of these shippers when they throw it around fully understand the term or realise what it means and what it takes. If they did, they wouldn't randomly be labeling every ship as 'real' within the fandom.

If you believe Taekook is real and that they are equally hiding their sexuality as well as their relationship within the group, then you should understand how severe and traumatizing this fact is and would be for them as gay men?

The thing is, they are not just hiding parts of themselves and their identity for the sake of their careers or military or whatever if they are real, they are lying to millions, millions of people at a time about who they really are by keeping their identity a secret. Secrets are lies honey, however way we want to see it.

If they are real then they are concealing their true identity away from not just their families and friends- if they haven't come out to them, but acquaintances from work, businesses who wouldn't work with them otherwise, brands, sponsors, Heads of states, their fans....

It's one thing for a heterosexual to keep their heterosexual relationship a secret, it's another for a queer person to keep their queerness and or queer relationship a secret.

A lie as heavy as this is bound to take a toll on them, no matter how good they are at hiding it. A secret gets heavy before it gets easy. Not to sell you on anything but do you see any such secret taking a toll on Taekook? Because I see it taking a toll on Jikook.

Do you believe Taekook are closeted? Because I believe Jikook are.

Being closeted means they have to carry the guilt of knowing that each time they pander to heteronormative roles in variety shows or interviews, or imply by omissions that they are straight, or make generalizing statements about their sexuality to avoid addressing their sexuality directly or give it away, that they are lying to people and spewing half truths- seven years in a roll.

Being closeted is not a joke. It's heavy. I think you need to grasp this before you claim it for anyone.

People like to throw the 'closeted' phrase around willy nilly but fail to comprehend its weight and complexity and consequences especially for people that they believe are actually queer.

It's not easy lying to people about who you are. Unless you are a pathological liar and a psychopath, it's like drowning each day you wake up. You die a little each time. Your sexuality is a huge part of your identity and when you deny it for so long by lying and suppressing it, it's like shutting out a peice of yourself and silencing your own voice. The more you push it aside the louder it screams and the harder it fights to come out.

It's a state of constant internal struggle. You wake up everyday contemplating whether to risk the perfect life you've spent years building just so you can turn off the guilt that comes with keeping a secret of this nature.

And each time you get better at omitting or generalizing and evading questions that hint at your truth, the more you hate yourself and the more guilt you feel. This guilt can become a driving force that pushes you to make risky moves and take impulsive actions such as 'borderline outing your relationship'- does that sound like Taekook to you?

If you are not driven by the love you feel for your partner, you are driven by the guilt and neither is a great place to be if you are queer.

You lie everyday, you get caught up in the lies and soon you start believing in the web of lies you've woven around yourself such that you don't even recognize who you are or why you are, anymore. As such, you are constantly searching for yourself, to reconcile the bits you've hidden away and perhaps forgotten, and you keep exploring your identity because you are unsettled- honey, that sounds more like Jikook than Taekook to me but c'est la vie.

Being closeted is not about moments that get cut by editors, or less interactions, or being seperated or seated further apart from eachother. These are just ship street parlance. Being closeted is an attitudinal, internal attribute rather than external manipulations or influences- it's a science. Lol

Coming out may be risky for any of these boys if they are real, but I promise you hiding is much harder for them.

And so When I look at Taekook, and I see how beautiful they are yet I don't in God's honest truth see them 'dealing' with any or all of these struggles Jikook deal with or have dealt with at one point, in my opinion- forget the homophobia, the wanting to come out, the low key microaggressions they deal with even within the group- 'the Jk never stops crying,' 'the real men don't do this and that talk' talk, the toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia traits JK and Jimin used to exhibit in their early days talking about 'real men don't twerk,' 'real men don't wear rings on their pinky'- all the times Jimin have had to defend his masculinity or even femininity, or stand up for Kook's within the group. 'Men, men, men. What is men?'

Jikook are the only two within the group that in my opinion have struggled most with their identity, with embracing aspects of themselves; you hear them complain about 'living a lie' 'tired of hiding, lying' and all these are themes consistent with closet behavior that they've both explored in one way or the other and even as of 2020 they are still dealing with or 'exploring' their identities perhaps as a means to reconcile their true selves? I'm really struggling with this post because I don't wanna get salesy on your ass. Lol.

Don't get me wrong, Tae struggles and deals with issues too- mostly with loneliness, lowkey depression in my opinion, lowkey bullying- sometimes, lol and he often expresses a desire to find someone and be happy and yet 'his supporters' don't recognize that...

You can wait till Jikook come out officially as queer, if they ever chose to, to support them- Or you can choose to support them and love them now because that's what they need in order to officially come out as and when they choose to? Ok I'm being salesy. Lmho. I'll stop. Don't mind me. But think about it.

Ship whatever ship you want but support Jikook. It's all I'm asking. And by support, I mean don't exhibit any anti homosexual attitude towards them- deadass. You and I gone fight, square up toe to toe, if you do. Lol.

People don't need to be afraid of Jikook. They just need to treat them as human beings and not reduce them to a mere ship. They are a ship too yes, but they are more than that if you ask me.

You sound nice. I love you. I'm glad you enjoy my posts. Merry Christmas and cheers to our ships.

Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

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makeste · 5 years ago

Text

literally just a giant post of Bakugou faces.

today, 4/20 (actually it is very much still only 4/19 over here, but to heck with it, we’re getting an early start dammit), is Bakugou Katsuki’s birthday. and as someone who loves Bakugou and who also hasn’t found much worth rejoicing about in April 2020 in general, it’s important to me to celebrate the shit out of this day. but these are strange times and I am le tired, and so what my tired brain ended up arriving at was “just do a post about how much you love his stupid face.”

so these are my favorite Bakugou faces. I stopped after Kacchan vs. Deku because this post was already like 100k words (slight exaggeration) with like 40,000 faces (slight), and because this already took forever and the next 130-something chapters were only going to have about one fifth as many good faces compared to the first 120, even though there are some good ones there still to be sure. but anyway, so there are no spoilers here.

happy birthday Kacchan, and happy birthday to Kacchan’s angsty side profile with his hair covering his eyes.

why I like it: he scured.

lol but seriously. because up until this point he’s just been a complete asshole. even after he gets grabbed by sludgeman, he’s all “AS IF I’D LET THIS MUDMAN TAKE MY BODY FOR HIMSELF”, and he’s all feral-looking, and at first you’re like “eh he’ll be fine.” but then along comes this panel to serve as our narrator saying “he was not fine.” because he really is not. and on the page before this too, you can see how tired and desperate his struggles are starting to get. and absolutely no one is trying to help him. and he’s fighting, he’s straining, but he can’t. fucking. breathe.

and then this panel. and he’s just a kid. he looks so very, very young here, like this is the youngest he looks throughout the entire series except for in his flashbacks, and it’s because all the pride and bluster and anger are stripped away and he’s just a boy underneath it and he’s scared. “you looked like you needed saving.” exactly. exactly. and for Katsuki to actually ask for help is so rare. so you know that when he does ask (and he absolutely was begging for someone to come help him even though he couldn’t vocalize it. credit to Horikoshi for conveying all of that emotion in a single panel), he really, really needs it. thankfully there was one person watching who finally snapped himself out of that “a hero’s bound to come along soon” mindset that had everyone else gripped, and realized that he needed to be that hero.

why I like it: because he’s humiliated and fairly shaken up and also the most handsome he’s looked up until this point, but most of all he’s just chewing his lip and being all “god fucking dammit did fucking Deku really just save me, fuck my life, why is the universe fucking dumb.” like even after this hugely traumatizing experience, he’s incredibly resilient to the point where after he calms down, his lingering emotions are mainly just “smdh this is a new level of irritated even for me.” he is so brave and thickheaded and tough and absurdly, ridiculously petty jesus christ.

why I like it: like the old man said. his face just screams “I’m a rotten thief.”

there’s so much personality in this one expression. and then it’s juxtaposed against proto!Katsuki who I really desperately just want to punch in the face. just. my son my be a dick, but by god he’s an honest dick.

why I like it: baby?? cute baby??? mine?? my baby?!?

he’s just like. “I got it all figured out. gosh I’m so good at life.” that is the face of a child who has never encountered a single difficulty in his very young existence. everything is easy and he expects to be good at everything and he always is and he’s so, so pleased with himself. with a kid that little you really don’t want to go and shatter their dreams just yet, but maybe someone should have taken him down just a peg or two before it all got out of hand. alas. he was so cute that nobody wanted to and I can’t even blame them because he’s just that fucking cute, though.

why I like it: this is a very underrated panel which I think most people probably don’t even recall. it’s from chapter 11 just after he loses to Deku and Iida, and specifically right after Momo just completely lays into him and explains in vivid detail exactly how stupid every single one of his decisions was lmao. and it’s like he’s just had his eyes opened. he talks about her speech later, too, so it clearly had an impact.

there is no pride here at all. initially when I was reading this, I thought he was still shell-shocked. but looking back at it, and knowing what I do now about his unexpected willingness to accept criticism (something I certainly wouldn’t have expected during my first readthrough of this chapter), I think this is also a genuine “!” face as he realizes that she’s completely fucking right. YOU DONE GOOFED SON. but it’s okay because he learned from it!

also look how big his eyes are. when they get all wide like that. it’s so rare that I have to appreciate each and every time it happens. also he has no right to have such thick eyelashes. goddammit.

why I like it: because he’s strongest at his moment of weakness! because he’s upset but he learned from it! because he is such a strikingly human character with such complex emotions and there’s such a lovely mix of them on display here and that shit is my weakness! because this is when I signed the adoption papers (well, had them finalized after I initially obtained them after the “you looked like you needed saving” face in chapter 1, at least)!! because he always cries in front of Deku and doesn’t get embarrassed, but then he does get embarrassed if anyone else shows up! because his emotions around Deku are so raw and out of control! because the intensity of them is as compelling as it is confusing! but mostly because someone showing fierce determination while simultaneously showing intense vulnerability is basically the cheat code to unlocking my heart, and also the best thing anyone can ever draw in a shounen manga. thank you I’ll take infinity of them.

why I like it: because half of 1-A saw this face and instantly thought “fuck that’s hot” and then went “!! oh fuck me” but it was too late! that’s right kids. even knowing firsthand what a trashpile he can be, you’re still not immune to his charms. that confidence, though.

why I like it: the face of a boy who has just realized that holy shit, there are other people in his class. nothing gets past him. his reflexes are too fast.

why I like it: the slow motion (this is such a cool moment even if it’s at his expense lol), and the fact that this is such a weird and totally unique expression, and yet he somehow almost manages to make it look good. actually he does make it look good, let’s be real. of course, this was back when Horikoshi had more time to roll up his sleeves and really get into the art. look at all that shading goddamn.

why I like it: he cares!! he has feelings!! he has concern about someone other than him omfg whaaaaaat.

he’s so unsettled by what he just heard about Todoroki. the guy who was so strong and cool turned out to have an absolutely horrifying shounen protagonist past that he never let on about. honestly this scene is one of the reasons why I’m so strongly in favor of not interpreting Katsuki’s parents as abusive; because I just really like the character arc of him actually having a pretty good childhood, all things considered, but still having all these problems. because sometimes people actually do have everything going for them and yet they still screw up, because people are only human and sometimes you can fuck up (or be fucked up) even on easy mode! and if that happens it doesn’t mean you’re any more to blame, or more worthy of derision or scorn, or that you already had your chance so screw you, or any of that! anyway so that’s just such an interesting and relatively rare thing to explore and so I like it.

anyway. so just, the idea of him thinking of Todoroki as someone who had it made all his life, only to realize that’s not actually the case at all and that he’s actually the privileged one in comparison, just makes for a really great character-building moment. it’s a really big wake up call for him, especially given that he’s so often just wrapped up in himself and his own concerns still at this stage of the game. and it’s a moment that has a lasting impact on him and that he doesn’t forget, and it helps contribute to him starting to learn more empathy.

why I like it: my child is rabid please help.

but he’s so happy to have Ochako prove to be such an unexpectedly worthwhile opponent. she was sneaky and she nearly got him and he only just made it out by the skin of his teeth and fuck yes, that was awesome. he was really ready to throw down some more with her and it was gonna be the highlight of his fucking day. I just love seeing him acknowledge other people’s strength, because we know the value he places on being strong. so that’s a ton of respect from him, and Ochako fucking earned it, and this is just a great moment.

why I like it: just casually spittin facts and launching ships. nothing to see here move along.

why I like it: for everyone reblogging that one scene of shoujou!Bakugou from the anime over and over again, I just want to remind you all that as great as that scene is, we shouldn’t forget that in the manga he can be effortlessly handsome without even trying.

why I like it: as I said above.

why I like it: another one of the infamous “haah!?” faces. whenever he does these that one raised-eyebrow eye always goes so wide, and even though he’s trying to look like a pissed off thug it always makes him look surprisingly young instead.

also I’m not crazy for seriously wondering if Horikoshi’s art peaked all the way back in the sports festival arc though, right?? you honestly can’t find a bad panel even if you specifically go out and look for them.

why I like it: babyyyy.

I still don’t get how anyone could watch this scene and not get that he was way more upset than he was actually angry. he looks like he’s about to cry honestly.

why I like it: MY PRECIOUS SON’S ANGELIC SLEEPING FACE. all tuckered out. he’s had a hard day.

but seriously when you smooth out all of the >:O it is amazing how young he actually looks though. this one panel is shaded in such a way that you can see that he still has baby fat in his cheeks!! he’s just a little boy! HE IS A LITTLE CHILD LIKE THE REST OF THEM AND YOU MADE HIM PARTICIPATE IN THESE HUNGER GAMES AND HE KICKED ASS AND THEN GOT SAD AND YOU MADE HIM SLEEP AND CHAINED HIM TO A POST WHEN HE WOKE UP ANGRY AND TRYING TO BITE PEOPLE. anyways what a whirlwind of events huh.

why I like it: this child is literally trembling. he has been shaken to his very core. also for real though how did Jeanist even do that. anyways great internship or greatest internship.

why I like it: this is from chapter 60, right after he basically declares war on Deku and says he’ll crush him during final exams. then he turns around and is just like AND LET’S NOT FORGET THIS ASSHOLE HERE!!! and his eyes are practically bulging out and Todoroki just has his trademark “!!!” totally blank stare. this panel fully kills me guys.

why I like it: how was he THE CUTEST CHILD WHO EVER LIVED?? look at his little fists?! I can’t even deal with this???

why I like it: I actually like this one even more than the more iconic “the strongest heroes always win in the end” panel right below it, because in this panel you can more clearly see that he was crying quite a lot (he was only six!!), but it seems to me that it was more because of the unfairness of it than because he was hurt. even though he was hurt. but these jerks bumped into him and then acted like it was his fault, and it was two against one and he was much younger than them and IT’S JUST ROUGH YOU GUYS! LIFE IS HARD WHEN YOU’RE SIX! but he’s a little tough guy though so he scrubs the tears away in this very clumsy and boyish fashion because HE WON ANYWAY SO TAKE THAT! he is so little but already so determined.

why I like it: his eyes are just so intense all the time. even when it’s not an intense moment at all. also the dot shading here is so cool.

why I like it: okay so technically it’s the back of his head and not his face. but I feel like the fact that Kacchan was twitching and flinching and shaking too doesn’t get enough attention in this scene. he and Todo were both wigging out here and I love it. during the third light novel he also gets freaked out by the whole Disney Channel “we were telling a ghost story but now it seems like the story has come to life” plot that goes on at one point, just fyi. Kacchan is absolutely that kid who will refuse to watch scary movies just because “they’re dumb” and definitely NOT because he is scared, how fucking dare you sir.

why I like it: because this is the first of many scenes in this arc and the next arc in which he is freaking out but doing an excellent job of covering it up with his natural ferocity. he and Shouto have just come across one of their classmates’ arms lying in the middle of the path being chewed on by a villain in a straitjacket. his first reaction is to ask Shouto which of their classmates had been out on the path in front of them. he has immediately put two and two together, and he is immediately ready to throw hands with this dude, rules or no rules. but you can see the shading over his eyes though, and I think that -- along with the sweat visible on his face -- is a huge indicator of how horrifying this actually is to him.

why I like it: because this blank “processing...” expression that he sometimes gets when a lot of people are talking at once and he’s not really sure but he is pretty sure that he doesn’t like where this is heading, is my favorite.

why I like it: because even now it’s still ambiguous just what exactly was the prevailing emotion in these eyes and this expression, and the prevailing sentiment behind the “stay back.” I happen to think it was fear! not the same overwhelming, helpless fear as the 14-year-old who was caught up in the sludge, but a very on-edge, controlled-panic fear of a 16-year-old who’s trying to remain in control because he’s a hero in training now. and I think the “stay back” is the “stay back” of a boy who knows the look in that other boy’s eyes, and knows that it’s no use this time. it’s not protective, and it’s not hostile or defensive either. it’s just... resigned. don’t do it, Deku. that could have been the last thing he ever said to him, and it was measured and brave even through his fear and I love him so much.

why I like it: this is one which has to be viewed in juxtaposition with the panel immediately above it lol. Tomura looks like he could literally stare a man to death with those crazy eyes, and Kacchan is comparison just looks so ridiculously young and small and out of his league. but he doesn’t crack. but his eyes are super wide and even the shadows underneath them are stressed almost to their breaking point. like I’m screwed I’m screwed I’m so goddamn fucking screwed oh shit. my baby, guh. this was such a fucking scary experience though for real??

why I like it: same deal as above lol. this whole situation just keeps getting worse and worse, and here he’s just probing for more information while simultaneously trying to buy himself more time to think of a miracle plan. there really isn’t much chance of him getting out of here unscathed at this point (or at least there wouldn’t have been if the heroes hadn’t shown up), but I don’t think he’s letting himself think about that yet. but I’m sure it’s there at the back of his mind all the same.

why I like it: this is my favorite Bakugou face ever. SO MANY EMOTIONS. All Might came to save him! his hero!! he beat the bad guys (or so they think for that brief moment anyway) and it’s all okay now! he was alone but now he’s not anymore and All Might is there! and he is relieved, and he actually lets his guard down to show it for just a split second! his lip is trembling! I don’t think he even realizes for a moment, and then he does, and he immediately goes all tough guy again and the moment is gone! but while it’s there! it’s so much! I have never so badly wanted to hug a fictional character in my life.

why I like it: don’t you think this person could one day inspire thousands of others. do you see this courage in those eyes. the way he pushes past fear and panic and fatigue. don’t think, don’t doubt. just win.

why I like it: by now you have probably detected a pattern of me liking all of the Kamino faces because he was going through so many emotions that for once the walls just couldn’t keep up. he always looks so much younger when he’s not making >: faces. everything just smooths out. I also like that Horikoshi never makes his expressions symmetrical; he almost always has one eye wider than the other, eyebrows doing different things, stuff like that.

also this is when he sees All Might’s true form for the first time, and you can just see it hit him like a punch to the gut. All Might weakened; All Might weakened because of him; All Might might lose (!?!); All Might might die???? Katsuki’s entire world is falling apart in an instant, and in this moment he’s just a little boy.

why I like it: it beginsss. the angstening.

he’s not even resisting the hand guiding him. none of his usual unruliness or general aura of barely-checked rage. he just looks tired. and completely lost in his own thoughts. which as we now know were not good. I cannot fucking believe we had to wait another 25 chapters after this to finally get this kid a damn hug.

why I like it: because Bakugou Mitsuki is fulfilling my (and dating sim!Momo’s) lifelong dream of ruffling Bakugou Katsuki’s (spiky yet fluffy!!) hair. and all he can do is just chew his lip and halfheartedly glare at her all “mooooooOOOOmmm.” he doesn’t even really look pissed off here (because it’s hard to be mad when someone is talking about how worried they were about you and how relieved they are that you’re safe now, especially when that someone is your mom who isn’t normally the type to be so open about this kind of stuff at all), just begrudgingly grumpy. and I swear to god his bottom lip is made of fucking rubber the way he moves it around, just look at it.

why I like it: those eyelashes though!?!? [grabs Katsuki by the shoulders and shakes him roughly] WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO PRETTY.

why I like it: this is right after he found out he flunked the license exam, and you can see how upset he is. obviously we now know that shortly thereafter he went and had a complete meltdown. and buddy if you keep grinding your teeth like that, your dentist is also going to have a meltdown.

and yet again Horikoshi manages to strike this uncanny balance between making him look pissed off and making him look like he’s trying very, very hard not to cry. he just failed, again. it’s like the whole world is screaming at him over and over again that he’s not hero material at all.

why I like it: because he drags Deku out to the middle of nowhere and is all “I know you have All Might’s power and we’re gonna fight”, and Deku protests, and you expect Kacchan’s reaction to be just about anything other than what it actually is. this is as close to pleading as Katsuki is ever going to get. he may not be drowning in sludge but he is still desperate.

why I like it: this may be the best Katsuki that Horikoshi has ever drawn.

why I like it: super ultra mega unpopular opinion: I like this panel even more than THE PANEL!! that follows shortly after it. I am a sucker for when Horikoshi does this thing where he shows Katsuki’s face from a side profile, and his eyes are covered by his hair so you can’t see his full expression, but you know it is something vulnerable because he only ever does this when Katsuki is trying to hide his vulnerability. I could make a whole separate post just about these hair-covering-eyes faces lol. but out of all of them this is my absolute favorite. I can hear Okamoto’s voice acting in my head just looking at it.

why I like it: because it is THE PANEL. he finally broke completely; he let the walls fall away; he couldn’t hide it any longer. he’s so unbelievably torn up about this; he hates himself for it and feels like a failure; he’s lost and doesn’t have the faintest idea how to find his path again. he ended the Symbol of Peace. he was weak and wrong, and Deku was strong and right, and he can’t even hate Deku for it anymore, he just wants to understand what it is that he keeps doing wrong, why it is that he keeps failing.

why I like it: it’s, uuuuuh, angst.

lol it’s funny because at the beginning of the series, it was always Deku who was always crying at the drop of a hat. and to be fair this is still true. but Katsuki also cries way more than I would ever expect a rival character in a shounen manga to cry. and specifically he has cried every single time he’s had a dramatic and overly emotional altercation like this with Deku (and that’s three separate times now). is it because he’s always felt like he has less to hide around Deku? or because his Deku Emotions are so much more intense and volatile than his other emotions? at any rate, whatever it is, if this happens one more time (and I guarantee you it will too because A Certain Someone still hasn’t officially made an apology yet) he will officially lose all authority to ever call Deku out for being a crybaby again. meanwhile poor All Might will just be beside himself. I’m sorry dude, both of your children are just like this, you just gotta deal with it and accept their feelings.

why I like it: HE FINALLY GOT HIS HUG, BLESS.

and more hair covering his eyes! and chewing of the lip! and his head is bowed so much here, he fully allowed himself to be pulled into this hug and to accept this gesture of comfort for once in his life, just for a moment! after everything he was feeling, everything he was beating himself up over, All Might comes and tells him it’s not your fault. and there’s still so much guilt there, but he needs to hear this so badly that he accepts it all the same. meanwhile he is also CRYING AGAIN!? because this was the chapter where Horikoshi said “I am going to put all of the angst and cathartic conflict resolution into a single fight and it’s going to be the best thing ever” and it really was. do you even understand how much I love this. do you??

why I like it: OH GOSH I FORGOT ABOUT THIS, THIS IS MY OTHER FAVORITE KATSUKI HAIR-COVERING-EYES PANEL.

oh no. he’s ruffling his own spiky fluffy hair. he’s tired and he’s beat up (and whose fault is that lmao) and he’s learning all kinds of new things about himself today. he’s got basically nothing left in the tank, but for the first time in ages he has his path laid out in front of him again and he knows the way to start moving forward. he has been absolved of his guilt, the guilt which was eating a hole away inside of him. and all of a sudden he realizes -- it occurs to him -- hey, All Might finally admitted it, he really did give his power to Deku. but it’s still a secret though, isn’t it? it’s important, isn’t it? and so he tells them, hey, look, I get it, I won’t say anything, you don’t have to worry. it’s partially gratitude -- he owes so much to All Might and it’s ridiculous, that’s a fucking debt right there, and this is the least and only thing he can offer right now in return -- and it’s partially just... the right thing to do. like, common sense. honorable and shit. and it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything. but just, let them know.

I love his side profile so much and I love his hair and his ear and the scuffs on his face and his beaten up hand and his hunched up shoulders and him being soft and trying not to show how soft he’s being and he is precious.

BONUS:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HANDS IN POCKETS GRUMPY TRIANGLE EYES ROVING FERAL HOG SON, I LOVE YOU.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki #makeste reads bnha #HEAVEN #MUST BE MISSIN' AN ANGEL #MISSIN' ONE ANGELLLL CHILDDDD #[camera pans over to the feral toddler digging through trash while I sigh in fondness]#bnha meta #bakugou meta

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