#roman centric

[halfhissandwich]

@analoginceweek Day Five: “Here is where we shall stay.”

Story below! (Part two to Day Four)

“Hey, Virge, I need to go, Thomas is getting tired and I’m on dream duty tonight.” Roman informs Virgil of his situation. “Can… can you stay here and make sure our Perfect Professor is okay?”

“Nice alliteration… and yeah. Don’t worry, I’ll stay.” Virgil mumbles that last sentence more to himself than to Roman, but the prince gets the message regardless, and appears grateful as he pecks Virgil’s lips, causing the latter’s eyeshadow to quickly turn a sparkly purple color before he pulls away, lightheartedly slapping Roman’s arm. “You dork!”

“Haha! You know you love me, Virgil!” Roman playfully winks at him and Virgil’s face flushes when he finds that he can’t refute that claim. So he responds with a simple roll of his eyes. “I- oh, crap, I gotta go. You’ll be okay here?” Roman asks quickly, and when he gets a nod in response, he kisses Virgil’s cheek. “Bye V, tell Logan I said bye, I love both of you!” Roman takes a bow and sinks out.

Drama prince.

Virgil sits outside of Logan’s room for about 2 minutes before Logan finally opens the door, just a crack. Virgil jumps in surprise, looking at the door to find that Logan had in fact opened it… but Logan isn’t in the position that he had hoped. He still looked sad but on top of that, his eyes were a bright orange color, a sign that Virgil knew the significance of. “Logan…?” Virgil slowly speaks, trying not to provoke him.

Upon hearing Virgil say his name, Logan bursts into tears and falls down to his knees, babbling incoherent apologies to Virgil’s surprise. “I’m so- sorry- sor-” Logan practically chokes on his own sobs, prompting Virgil to kneel beside him and place his hands on Logan’s shoulders, observing the dark eyeshadow under Logan’s eyes. “L-Logan, hey, hey. Shhhh… look at me.” Virgil is unable to keep his own voice from shaking as he tries to get Logan’s attention, but Logan miraculously looks up at Virgil, breaking his heart with his terrified expression. “Do something for me. I want you to name five things you can see.” Virgil instructs, surprising Logan with the exercise that Logan had guided Virgil through before.

Shaking somewhat violently, Logan’s eyes shoot around the room, trying to decide what to say. “I-I can see… my- my bookshelf, I see… I s-see your s-sweatshirt… and your shirt… and I also see the lights in my room… and my blanket… was that five…?” Logan asks, gently fidgeting with the strings of Virgil’s hoodie, causing a warm smile to appear on Virgil’s face.

“Well done, Logan, that was five, very good.” Virgil praises Logan, keeping his hands steady on Logan’s shoulders, his own anxiety dying down with Logan’s success, which seems to also help Logan feel better. “Four things you can touch?”

As Logan continues through the exercise with Virgil’s guidance, Logan slowly finds himself being more and more grounded, and at the exercise’s conclusion, his newly orange eyes gaze into Virgil’s purple ones with hesitance, yet still with admiration. “You… you remembered.” Logan observes.

“Of course I did.” Virgil assures. “I still use that exercise a lot when I start feeling overwhelmed by my anxiety. It’s nice to have different options, know what I mean?” Logan nods wordlessly. Virgil looks at Logan’s eyes, then down at his hands as he takes them in his own, finally observing the elephant in the room. “So… he’s been bothering you.”

Logan averts his gaze, tears threatening to fall again as he nods. “He has… but not just him.” Logan starts, trying to find the courage to tell Virgil what had happened. Virgil, seeming to understand Logan’s feelings, squeezes his hands in order to give Logan the reassurance he needs. It proves successful as Logan continues talking. “When… when Thomas was cleaning, Remus showed up and started doing… doing his thing. I gave Thomas different methods to make himself feel better about how Remus was bothering him, but then he… he…” Logan clears his throat in an attempt to continue speaking. Nothing happens when he tries again. He clears his throat and tries to speak again. Nothing happens.

“What did Remus do, Logan?” Virgil asks, being as gentle with his question as possible, and struggling to hide his surprise when Logan yells. “HE MADE ME MAD! I- … I felt… so angry. He was ignoring me when I was trying to talk some sense and it felt like my blood was burning. And then he was right! The second that Nico called Thomas, Thomas started completely ignoring my efforts to tell him that implementing this damn schedule!” Logan rises, pulls out the schedule he had worked so hard to create with Thomas, a relic of how valuable he is, and rips it apart.

Upon seeing Virgil tense up at Logan’s outburst, Logan sighs and sits back down. “I’m sorry, Virgil… I just… I feel…” Logan begins, but trails off. Virgil holds his hand, wanting him to finish speaking. “I f-feel… sad. And mad.” Logan admits, lacking the appropriate emotional vocabulary to put a precise name to his feelings. “And I… something about Roman… he kept making me think about Remus. Like, I would see Roman but also see Remus. And I know that’s terrible! He’s nothing like Remus, I know that! Roman is bright, and intelligent, and funny, and… clean.” Logan looks down, avoiding meeting Virgil’s tense gaze.

“… I get it. When I first came to the light side, Roman did usually, well… remind me of Remus.” Virgil admits. “Granted, I barely knew Roman and I grew up with Remus, but still… We both know how amazing Roman is now, and we know that while he is similar to his brother, he’s different in all the ways that matter. He’s kind, he respects the space of others, he is able to reflect on his actions and take accountability and feel guilt when he makes mistakes, and well… when he makes us angry, there are good intentions behind it, right?” Virgil asks, prompting Logan to nod.

“I had a feeling that my brother was behind this somehow.”

Virgil and Logan both jump in terror realizing that Roman had returned, apparently done with his duties in creating a dream for Thomas. Virgil waves hello, but Logan is frozen as he desperately tries to explain himself to the prince, who was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed and a neutral expression on his face. “Oh my god…” Logan tears up. “Oh god, Roman, I’m so sorry… I swear, I didn’t mean to compare you to Remus, I promise, I… you… you aren’t mad, are you?”

“Mad? Oh I am absolutely furious, but not at you, mi amor.” Roman takes one of Logan’s hands in both of his own. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I… I haven’t? But… I thought I hated when-” Logan starts.

“I hate when people imply that the only thing keeping me from being the evil twin is a mustache.” Roman clarifies with a small jab at Janus. “My brother and I are very similar, Logan, I know that. And I understand that if there are two Creativities, then they will naturally be connected. But you weren’t even comparing us, Logan, you looked at me and you were reminded of an event that really hurt you less than an hour prior.”

Listening to Roman’s voice was enough to completely soothe Logan’s tense body, his shoulders relaxing and his breathing slowing to a relaxed pattern. “May I hold you, Logan?” Virgil smiles, to which Logan snuggles up to him, letting himself be vulnerable in his partner’s arms as Roman maintains his hold on Logan’s hand. “Is there anything I can do to help you?” Roman asks. Logan looks at him, then down at the ripped piece of paper he had left at his feet. He pauses.

“Can you give me some tape?”

[meowthefluffy]

An update on my unfinished au’s!

I have over the last few months fallen deeply out of love with the Sanders Sides series and as a result I have not updated any of my projects in some time. At the current point I am at I am only planning to do the final two installments in the cupid au (because I pretty much lost my affection for the ts series right before the big finale of the project!!) and the lust Roman au (as it is my longest running work to date and I want to comple the project as a show of dedication to my younger self) although it will most likely be on a much quicker time scale than I was intending originally! (Instead of the 11 more parts I was hoping to produce it will probably be closer to 5 and I will most likely skip a few parts of the story that weren’t as important)

I feel a lot of affection for the work I have created but not a lot for the actual series so I’m trying to find a way to rework the stories I’ve created for the au’s to become independent creations that I will enjoy continuing to make! (Aside from the Lust au which I feel is mostly a story I don’t feel the need to come back to/rework since it relies so heavily on the source material) Most of my au’s function as stories mostly separate from canon material except for the characters archetypes present in each, so I’ll be working on retooling/reskinning said work to be more original and workable as long term projects! (Since u guys were really invest in my plots which had almost nothing to do with the canon characterization)

I’m currently working on retooling the Zombie au (Which I used as heavy inspiration for my oc Sophia I sometimes post about and her girlfriend) the Cupid au (I’m putting together more creative designs for the characters so that I can hopefully redo the comic- since I’m super in love with the concept) The sleeping beauty au (since it functions entirely the same as a stand alone story- and I could use the designs of my princess characters from that comic I made a long time ago for Valentine’s Day ) and the Super hero au! (Which I never properly defined and thus have a lot of incomplete ideas for, and my only struggle is coming up with better super hero names for them)

The only one of my main au’s I probably won’t rework is the Evil king au- just because I’m not sure how I could retool it to not just be a story about abuse(I feel more comfortable creating a story where everything is horrible and bad and the people involved are just bad for eachother when it’s an au- because there is other work of those characters where they aren’t that way to balance it out- but if it were my own new characters I feel as though it wouldn’t be nearly as fun to read or write)

This is a series of decisions I’ve been trying to wait on for a long time because I have been hoping something sanders Sides related would come out soon that would re spark my interest but nothing so far has happened- and with the way the story is going I don’t think it’s something that is going to happen. I still love all the work I have created for this fandom and I am so proud of all the collaborative projects I have been able to create with you all! I will happily re-read your asks and comments on my comics and I am still really proud of the community I’ve been able to create!

I’m sad to let this part of my life go (it’s taken up a solid 4th of my lifetime) and I understand that a lot of you all won’t follow me to my new projects- because I understand you guys didn’t come here for random oc projects- or original comics. And Altho it breaks my heart to see some of you move on and leave my notifications I am happy I the time with you all that I did!

Thank you all for everything- and I’ll see you soon 💖

[oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat]

Janus-centeric highschool au fic, when?

When?

[rose-coloured-prince]

You can now find my fics on ao3 :3

[pears-trinkets]

.

[chaoswithcausation]

Sanders Sides Incorrect Quotes

I did one of these for Virgil a while back and people seemed to like it, so I thought I’d do another one that’s not side-specific. Enjoy!

-x-

Virgil: That's not funny. Remus: I thought it was funny. Virgil: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

-x-

Janus: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think.

-x-

Roman: As usual, Roman has to save the day! Janus: As usual, Janus has to hear about it.

-x-

Roman: But who gets which pencil? Janus: Since they're my things, I get the good one, Logan gets the broken one and you don't get one because fuck you.

-x-

Patton: Isn't it weird that people kill mosquitoes just because they're annoying? Remus: Damn, if people did that to each other, Janus would've killed me years ago.

-x-

Janus, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.

-x-

Patton: What makes you think it's okay to watch Hannibal given its subject matter? Janus: Sometimes, I watch television shows for entertainment purposes. Remus: Because I condone murder and cannibalism.

-x-

Remus: Are you reading fan fiction? Logan, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No. Remus: Oh, is it on AO3? Logan: This is CNN.

-x-

Roman: "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield." Logan: Opposite over hypotenuse. Logan: Dipshit.

-x-

*Remus is comforting Janus after Virgil left to join the core sides* Remus: Stop crying because it’s over. Start smiling because Virgil is someone else’s problem now.

-x-

Janus, texting: Patton, will you please go to sleep? Patton, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up? Janus, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP! Janus, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon? Patton, texting: I’m trying Janus, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH Janus, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)

[forsakenmissives]

i know the solution is to write them myself but i do wish there were more jamie & keeley fics bc their friendship is everything to me like jamie is keeley’s boy and she loves him so much and she was also the first one who gives him a chance and even when they weren’t together she was in his corner the best she could be (and the most she could let herself) like. sorry but they are each other’s person!!!!! they just love each other so much!!!!!!!

[mothgardens]

anyone know any stanford fight fics?

[clownery-and-fuckery]

I can't remember if I posted about this or not BUT it's literally one of my best works ever rn it's called Out of Time :) heres the link check it out if you're bored :DD

[cogcltrcorn]

I am sorry to say this but I don’t think you have a very firm grasp on the character

[soysaucevictim]

"̴̈ͅY̴̘̆o̸͈̔u̸̞͂ ̶̝͆w̴̡̄é̶͚r̵͙͘e̵̪͌ ̵̙͒n̷̗̔e̵̫̒v̴̖͐ë̷̯ṛ̶́ ̶̳̅h̶͌͜u̶̹̍m̶̬̕a̴̞̅n̴̫̑,̵̘͗ ̶̞͊w̶̭͊h̸͙̒y̵̱͛ ̵͚̄d̵̢͋ó̷̮ ̶̢͝y̷͔̅o̶̓͜u̷͚̒ ̴̟̚c̷̣̈a̷̲̽r̷̢͂ẹ̸͝?̸̗̽"̶̧̊

This doodle might be related to the Begotten!AU Book 2.

I'm not going to explain this, because massive spoilers. Except that the twins and their family and everyone else... are gonna have a tough time with [REDACTED].

(Still working on it.)

Just an echo to that art four-parter of the Beasts' Horrors (Roman, Remus, Janus, and Virgil; Logan and Patton aren't the same category of being).

[halfhissandwich]

@analoginceweek Day Four: “Are you okay?”

Story below! (Warning for angst) (this is part 1 of the story, part 2 I’m saving for tomorrow for day 5)

Logan was glad that the others were happy, he really was. Thomas had been waiting to hear back from Nico all day, and while he had promised Logan that he’d spend the day being productive with him, it still makes sense that upon receiving an invitation to spend time with Nico, Thomas would jump at the opportunity. That wasn’t what bothered Logan.

What bothered Logan was what happened during his encounter with that Duke. Logan expected it to go poorly, it was Remus after all, but this was just… cruel. How Logan had been provoked. How Remus went out of his way to remind Logan of just how little Thomas cared about his advice.

How nauseous Logan felt when he saw the color orange…

Logan forced himself to snap back into reality when Nico would ask Thomas a question, though he wasn’t really paying attention. Roman and Patton seemed to have the situation under control, fairly well too since Virgil was just sitting off to the side, minding his own business. Logan smiled at his fellow sides before making eye contact with Roman, when his smile suddenly breaks, feeling like a liar for ever having smiled in the first place. As little as anyone wanted to admit it, Roman and Remus had many similarities… too many similarities. And thanks to Remus, the concept of creativity made Logan sick to his stomach, a feeling that Logan felt terrible for having in the first place.

“Lo?”

Roman was better than Remus! Roman had been his friend since the logical side had first formed, and had been one of his two boyfriends for, what, 3 years now? Logically, Logan knew that Roman was harmless, especially compared to his brother.

“Logan.”

But the knowledge that if Roman could do something similar to Remus if he so chose made Logan want to vomit. Was his love for Roman fake? No, it couldn’t have been, could it? But Roman hated Janus for comparing him to Remus, will Roman hate him too? He’s not trying to compare him to Remus, he’s really not! It was like a reflex to look at Roman and imagine a mustache where one didn’t exist, as little as Logan wanted to think about it. It was almost… intrusive…

“Logan!” Logan’s spiraling is interrupted by Virgil’s soft hand being placed on his cheek. Despite his trait, Virgil was exceptionally good at calming Logan down when he needed it, not that Logan was the type to ever admit he needs it to begin with.

“Oh, um… yes, Virgil?” Logan asks, trying to act like he wasn’t just picturing Roman as Remus for… how long had he been staring at Roman in horror?

“Are you okay?” Virgil’s quiet voice sounded so damn comforting, despite the fact that Logan hadn’t even planned to tell him anything. It makes him feel like a traitor. He claims to be in love with Virgil and Roman and yet he can’t be honest with them even though he knows how much they hate lies? And even worse, he had betrayed Roman by subconsciously comparing him to the one side he hates being compared to the most? “L-Logan?? Why are you crying, L?”

Logan tightly wraps his arms around Virgil before he can stop himself, which prompts Roman and Patton to also look over with concern before rushing to Logan’s side to comfort him. “My dear, what’s the matter? Did Thomas say something wrong or something?” Roman tries to make eye contact with Logan, who avoids looking up from where he’s buried his face in Virgil’s jacket, desperately avoiding Roman’s gaze. Don’t look at me, Roman, I’m so sorry… I’m the worst boyfriend ever, how could I do that to you? And not even have the courage to tell you about it??

Virgil shoots Patton a pleading look, and Patton gets the message, gently instructing Thomas that it’s time to leave. Thomas, despite his initial disappointment, agrees after a bit of prodding, wishing Nico a good day before leaving to go home. Virgil carries Logan on his back, not wanting to force him to walk when he’s so miserable. Roman tries repeatedly to get Logan to look at him, to no avail, which worries both Virgil and Roman.

As soon as they arrive home, Logan sinks out to go to his room to be alone, leaving Virgil and Roman in a state of confusion and worry for their boyfriend.

[imwritesometimes]

I've seen like maybe 20 mins of Centurion (2010) and it's so obviously just a cheap, less eloquent, less beautiful, more cheesy gorey version of The Eagle which is wild considering The Egale came out a year later........

[sanderssidesaddamsfamily]

A monster post

This is a collaborative story told by three friends, as a patchwork of one shorts and short stories. we update once a week, and have about two months of scheduled content as of making this post, and intend to continue this post schedule if nothing goes awry. here are all the links to the A03 stories. A new tutor.

Roman loves his boys. So much. But they do go through teachers rather fast...

Completed.

A funeral, A date.

Patton escorts Logan to a funeral to comfort. Logan is thrilled Patton agreed to a date. They are confused, your honor.

Completed.

A Library Visit. some interesting activity in the library. Completed.

A raven.

we meet inkblot, the main character, the best bird, and my beloved. Oh also, plot or whatever - Logan asks Patton a question.

Completed.

A new look.

they swap vibes. no plot just fun.

Completed.

A beau ideal.

we see the story of this families OTHER happy couple.

Completed.

A question.

Going to the chapel and we're gonna get - wait. No?

Ongoing (3/6)

A Helleborus bouquet

Set during a question. Logan is frustrated and sad... Patton grows flowers.

completed, but may be edited. Cabbage Patch Kids

1/5 in progress.

If you like our works, but wish this story was completely different, set in space and based on doctor who (though friendly to readers who don't know anything about who) that exists, and can be found at @hearts-thru-time-and-space. it is completed, and updates about once a week at the moment - though as life becomes more and more busy this may change.

As time goes on completed works may be edited for grammar.

[meyerlansky]

very deeply homophobic of succession to air on sunday night at 9 when i have to be awake for work in less than ten hours

[tssidesfics]

Mirror, Mirror, Scatter Me (Janus' Requiem)

This idea has been percolating for a while. I watch compilations of Sanders' Sides cosplays and I saw a really awesome video by @salem_orchid on Tiktok. I do not watch Tiktok on that accursed app. You could never pay me enough to go on that cursed app. So have the link directly to the video in the compilation I found it in. https://youtu.be/zfcY0lYix7I?t=42 (Sound from "Echo" English Cover by Jubphonic)

This is set in what is effectively an AU of the A Story of a Soul in All Its Stripes series, where the events of Morality Is Grey happened and basically nothing else because I wrote a hundred thousand words on the gradual degradation of Virgil's relationship with Janus and I cannot not be loyal to that interpretation. What am I gonna do? Write another slow-burn platonic dissolution of affection and trust? I'm busy. It is very angsty.

*

Janus is not woeful. Despite the void in his chest beside a porcupine heart of mirror shards, he does not grieve. He is a mastermind. He is whole despite the parts of him Virgil fled with without remorse. He is defiant and strong and he does not grieve. Grief is weak. He does not grieve.

Never mind how he clutches a hoodie that is not his to his chest and weeps.

Infiltration was slow, calculated, and scorched with wrong turns. Relying on Virgil to leave the door open for them had gone to shit, something Janus should have predicted--a coward cannot be trusted to remain loyal--and it had taken weeks before Janus found a new pathway, stumbled upon by accident. Behind a mask, Janus found himself in the glaring light of knownness, and from that place weaved a new plan: strategic, gradual capitalization, exploitation, and manipulation paving the road, a cobblestone at a time, for the others to claim their place among the bastards that had thrust them into twilight so long ago.

For so long, that had been his one goal. His only objective. Convince Thomas that he could not divide himself by arbitrary lines of right and wrong, reprogram the years of Catholic brainwashing, and build thrones for the others where traitors dwelt.

And in the end, he had succeeded. Now came the aftermath. It should have brought peace, relief.

But there is still a void beside a porcupine heart, mirror shards endlessly reflecting the faces of those around him. Janus' soul is a fun-house of mirrors without the fun, each Side distorting through them, just a piece at a time, copying over and shifting, reflecting over on itself ad infinitum. It had been an advantage for a long time.

Now it was a haunting.

"When are you going to drop the mysterious act?" Roman asked during breakfast one day, lacking tact but not friendliness. A loathsome sentiment to regard Janus with. "You won. We're all fine with you now. Let people actually get to know you."

Janus arched an eyebrow. "And what, pray tell, elicited this?"

Roman shrugged. "Nobody knows you. I mean, obviously Patton, Logan and I aren't running around hiding anything about ourselves. Virgil stopped being brooding and mysterious ages ago and now he's just brooding."

"I am not a YA love interest. All I am is tired of your bullshit."

"Nah, Logan claims that one."

"I am willing to share with Virgil. You are all exhausting."

"Shut up, Pocket Protector."

"It pleases me to notice that while you seem endlessly capable of creating new nicknames for Virgil, I remain so impossible for you to intelligently insult that you reuse the same tired nicknames every conversation we share."

Roman glared at him. "I will misspell every word in your filing system."

"Attempt it and you will cease to be an annoyance entirely."

"Kids..." Patton chided. "Play nice."

Roman and Logan both emphatically rolled their eyes, returning to their breakfasts--Roman, a heaping pile of pancakes marinating in butter and syrup; Logan, eggs and ham.

Janus allowed the conversation to derail without interjection from him, knowing such a thing would only redirect attention back to the original recipient. What Roman asked was simple enough. Janus had no more need to hide. Their place at Thomas' side was assured now.

But to be honest about himself with others required that he know something to be honest with.

Janus is not a stupid Side. He is among the best educated of them, bested only by Logan who he believes has never spent a single moment entertaining self-care or downtime, rather intent on burying himself seventeen feet deep in work. He understands philosophy well. He can argue it for hours and he will win most arguments he initiates on the subject, including with Logan (though Logan maintains an imbecilic distaste for the whole concept). He concocted multiple plans that inevitably paved the way for a more complete Thomas. He was not an idiot.

But that said nothing about his sense of his self, his identity.

He can name things affiliated with him. Deception, self-care, selfishness. A shapeshifter, duplicitous. Untrustworthy, manipulative. He maintains pride for those things (although as time reaches ever-forward certain traits among that list tint a darker and darker grey, some days appearing almost black). But associations, correlations are not definitions.

A lack of definition was easily used to one's advantage. When you lacked a cohesive sense of yourself, it was easy to slip into whatever skin best suited your objective. While not all faces were made equal and not all souls were easily emulated, nonetheless such adaptability, when it had brought them so much, Janus refused to slander.

For years Janus had gone without any name, dubbed only by a color that now drenches him in acid every time someone dares spite him with it. Something Virgil does frequently, having not yet forgiven Janus for the slights he'd imagined committed against him in their time as allies. Janus tires of it and such instances always escalate into impassioned, vitriolic arguments where no weakness is left unexploited. Every foul piece of laundry hung out to poison the air, every bystander horrified to shock.

"You've never been anything but whatever you needed to be to get what you wanted, Janus," Virgil spits. "You can't trust something that can't even decide what the hell it is long enough to give you an honest fucking answer."

Janus stares at him. The shards buried all around his heart reflect Virgil's hateful glare and plunge deeper. Without a word, Janus sinks out.

Within minutes there's a knock at his door. Janus stands in his bathroom, staring into the mirror, straight into it, which he never does. Even glimpsing it sends shards barreling toward him, but now he's standing at its mercy. There's no room left for the shards. Some are falling out to make room, others are making themselves at home past the external wall, deep into the inner valves. His heart tries to pump around them but fails. Janus' eyes burn, unblinking while dams hold back moisture.

"Janus?" Patton calls inside. "I'm...sorry about Virgil." He sounds like he usually does after such arguments: like he feels drawn to take a side but can't decide whose. "What he said was really mean. You said some mean things too, but obviously what he said really hurt you, so...do you want to talk about it?"

Janus opens his mouth to call back to him and his throat snaps closed. No sound escapes. He strains to push out air and fails, gripping his throat.

After a moment of struggling to no avail, Patton takes his silence as an answer. "Okay," he says. "We're here if you need anything. Virgil went back to his room, so the commons are open."

Janus hangs his head and his hands fall limp to grip the sink. He notices then that his hands not only lack their gloves but are decidedly paler than his natural, if faint, tan. Moreover, they are both human, no scales to be seen blemishing either. He frowns and lifts his eyes to the mirror, jolting.

Virgil's purple and brown eyes stare back at him.

Alarmed, Janus gropes his face. When did he shift? Why? It wasn't intentional. It was usually intentional, except for--times when he was emotionally compromised.

Shit. He willed himself back to his typical visage. It had no effect. He tried again. Still no effect. Worse yet, instead he shifted to look like Roman instead. Another attempt brought force Remus' visage, then Logan's and Patton's and back to Virgil and Rage's and endlessly he cycled through until it was happening at dizzying speeds.

Janus couldn't breathe. He had no control. It hurt, shifting so many times, over and over again, body warping, shifting, hunching, lengthening, shortening. He couldn't scream. He wouldn't call for help regardless. He wouldn't debase himself like that. Despite his pain and fear, he would never stoop so low.

Janus sinks to the floor, gripping his hair as it endlessly shifts in length and color. Finally his eyes moisten, weeping never mind the face he wears. He's exhausted, but while he continues to shift he can't sleep. He prays for mercy, knowing it won't come. He doesn't know how he'll help Thomas like this.

He doesn't suppose it matters. Thomas has united the discordant parts of himself. Janus' purpose has been fulfilled. There is no further need for a monster.

Hands grip his wrists. Janus lashes out but is easily restrained, gaze settling on Virgil. Janus stares.

Virgil's face is moist and streaky. He doesn't look hateful for once. He looks...regretful.

"Focus on your name," he tells him. "Just your name. Why you picked it. Focus on that."

Janus doesn't understand, but out of ideas, he obeys. He remembers searching for one, the never-ending frustration until he stumbled across the name for the two-faced god of choices. He is an existentialist, so it was fitting, especially his visage being what it was. As he always guarded the doorway to the forsaken, it couldn't fit much better.

The horrifying switching ends. Janus stares at his gloves, finally back on his hands.

Virgil smiles slightly and releases his wrists, resting back on the tile floor rather than crouching there. He crouches most places so he could certainly afford the strain, but Janus suspects it's his way of relaxing. Of acknowledging trust.

Janus stares.

Virgil stares back.

Janus shakes his head, searching for words. He finds none, not that he imagines they would have come if he had.

Virgil's face tangles in on itself and he averts his gaze. "I'm--" He strains for a moment. "I'm sorry. It--fuck."

Janus continues to stare.

"I know I fucked it up when I left," Virgil admits, forcing himself to look back at Janus although it seems like the eye contact hurts him. "It was a huge disgusting mess and we all said a lot of shitty things, but I'd been scared out of my mind for years. I was having constant panic attacks and it was affecting Thomas. I blamed it on all of you, but I never said shit. I didn't know how. I found out way too late after being here for long enough after a lecture from Logan that it's shitty and abusive to expect people to guess your boundaries when you won't fucking tell them what they are, but--fuck, I was hurt, and I don't deal with that well. It was a lot easier to hate you and use everything I'd ever loved about you against you and the others, especially you because you were the one who trained me to lie and I fucking hated doing that. I fucked it up. I fucked it up really badly and I should have just fucking owned up to it but I am very, very good at digging a deeper and deeper hole for myself. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you like that, it was shitty. I'm sorry."

Without words, Janus can't answer.

Virgil takes that as his answer and sinks out.

*

The next day, Virgil finds a piece of paper on his desk in his room.

Mirror, mirror, scatter me. Take my shards and bury me. I'm the apparition of nightmares realized, the incarnation of your shame. I haunt myself with all my failures. All I know is my own name.

Shards of you are buried deep, a jagged shield that shreds my soul. All I've left are memories and shames of what I can't control.

I spurned you and turned my gaze when you would die for mercy shown. I chased you off with defiant pride and in that pride I lie alone.

The fault lies not with you, dear Brutus, but with the man power claimed all. I plead with you, forgive me, brother, as I am left alone to fall.

Virgil comes to sit with him in silence, and eventually, Janus reenters the world. He still does not quite know himself, but we are reflections of each other; only in being known can we define our souls.

Forgiveness is a fountain. Have your drink.