#and then I feel guilty because it’s not my problem why am I so upset? I’m just making everything about myself I have no reason to be crying

[pixlmonkeys]

with no exaggeration being hyper empathetic is one of the worst things to happen to me

[jewish-vents]

Goyim are wearing on my last nerve. I get the Mr. Rogers "look for the helpers" quote thrown at me regularly, people go "oh just don't watch/read/listen to them" when I mention someone being antisemitic, and act as if Jewish people who are upset are at fault for looking at something we knew would make us upset. And that's just not how this works.

I have never gone out of my way to look at something that makes me upset once in my entire life. I block people and stop using sites that upset me. I installed a Firefox extension to help filter content. I unsubscribed from every YouTuber that I used to watch who was antisemitic, installed an add-on to make them never come up in my feed, and installed an add-on to hide comments underneath videos from me. I've had to drop all my friends. I don't do anything to be visibly Jewish. I avoid any political content anywhere I see it. I have so, so many words filtered on multiple sites.

And the stuff that's allegedly my responsibility to just not watch/read/etc finds me anyway.

Try to watch YouTube? Antisemitism. Try to look at some fanart? Antisemitism. Watch the news? There it is. Searching for a D&D group? It pops up yet again. Look for some Animal Crossing design codes? Once more, with feeling. Walk to the dining hall from my dorm? Right there, in my face, yelling full volume. Go to class? The professors will make it a routine feature of lectures. Walk to the grocery store and back to get food so you can avoid the encampment? The cashiers are chatting about (((the Jews))). Search for something on Etsy for your mom's birthday? It's in the search results. Open up a website you go to for recipes because you want to cook until you feel less stressed? "Top 10 Recipes Stolen By Israelis". Buy a book at the used bookstore to read to take your mind off of things? An entire display is all anti-Israel books, right there to greet you when you walk in. Go to the thrift store to donate things you made or repaired? Your reward for this good deed is a sign in the window with the 'from the mountains to the sea' quote. Go home for a weekend to hang out with your family and naively think in a little town you wouldn't encounter antisemitism? Right-wing people drunk on conspiracy theories talk about their baseless beliefs right on the street where you can hear it through the windows.

There's this thing in psychology called DARVO. Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. And it perfectly sums up the "nice" goyim's responses. The world isn't the offender, it's you. You're not being hurt, you're the one weighing everyone down with their negativity. They never address the root issue, that being that antisemitism is rampant, they just divert their attention onto something else, something pleasant to think about.

The problem with DARVO, like other abuser tactics, is that if you use it too often, it stops being effective. 11 months in, it's over the threshold. I am no longer going to feel guilty for noticing things are messed up.

If you don't want me to notice it, then change it. The easiest way to get people to stop complaining about the state of the world is to make it even marginally less bad, just enough we can convince ourselves there's hope for the future. But goyim can't do that, because that would take effort and involve admitting they have maybe done a single thing wrong in their lives. And their whole self-confidence rests upon the lie that is abdicating themselves from responsibility for their own actions.

I used to be angry at them. Now I'm annoyed at myself for ever expecting better. Genuinely, I do not know why I ever thought they were capable of being any better than they are now. There was nothing going on to prove to me that they had the capacity to be decent to other people when it wouldn't get them public praise, and most goyim are motivated entirely by extrinsic validation from their peers.

There is no anger left. There's just disappointment. And it's not even disappointment in them, because this is the best that they can do.

.

[sunflowergraves]

Unpacking Will Solace’s Character

I’ve seen a lot of Will Solace hate since TSATS and it’s really starting to bother me. As a person that relates heavily to Will’s character, it’s upsetting to see him get bashed across the internet, especially considering we’ve never actually gotten to know his character. Personally, I feel like a lot of people are basing his character around headcanons and fanfiction (which I am guilty of) and were disappointed when he wasn’t who we saw him as. 

It doesn’t help that the only time we got to see Will’s POV it was short and through the eyes of others. He’s also not this big hero like all the characters in the PJO universe. His powers aren’t that strong, he’s not a prophecy child, and his talents are mediocre. Will is the most human demigod we’ve ever been introduced to. I can understand why his character doesn’t feel multi-dimensional compared to everyone else, but in my opinion, he was fleshed out very well. 

Yes, there are a few things I was disappointed by. I wish they talked about Will’s past more and his grief over his dead siblings. I wanted him to have his own weapon, even if it was an old bow he never used or a lyre like Apollo used in TOA. But I will always love that they changed him from the calm, collected counselor healer to an anxious, depressed, self-doubting person because it fits him so well. How could he not feel these things after losing friends and family? After being abandoned by everyone around him? Or being forced to take on the caretaker role of the entire camp because he was the only one left? 

I’m going to continue this down below, so if you don’t want major spoilers for TSATS, don’t continue reading. Also this is long as hell in case you just want to skim. 

Every time Will was mentioned in the books, it was from someone else’s POV and it was a few lines at best. 

Will has always been described as the cool, relaxed, go-with-the-flow type of guy. He was the person with a level head and knew exactly what to do. But guess what? Underneath that cool exterior was an anxiety riddled people pleaser who threw himself at every problem because that’s what he was told to do. The Apollo cabin was always the head medic team. After Lee and Michael died, Will was basically thrust into that position of power. He was trusted to take care of his younger siblings, trusted to take care of the entire camp. If he let them down, it was going to cost lives. Of course he’s going to be scared and nervous, but he can’t show that. Would you want a doctor with shaky hands and sweat running down their neck? Would you want to be taken care of by a person who doubted and second guessed themselves out in the open? 

As someone who was given a lot of responsibly and forced to grow up at a young age, I completely understand this. You want to try to make everything better for others around you, you get scared when you fuck up, and you HATE when people can’t rely on you. That’s why you will never show how scared you are to fuck up. You will never let people get inside your head because if they can’t rely on you, what good are you? Breaking out of the role that everyone else gave you because they trusted you is scary and hard. 

Nico is probably the only person who knows what Will really thinks. Will trusts Nico with his anxiety and overthinking because he’s comfortable enough around him to show that side. He knows he doesn’t have to Mr. Hero in front of Nico and that’s such a precious and important bond to make with someone. 

Will was valid for being whiny and irritated for most of the book. 

First, Will has ANXIETY. If you don’t know what it’s like to live with anxiety, count yourself lucky. It feels like your thoughts are attacking you constantly. It’s like an uphill battle between rational thought and absolute chaos. I can’t get in my car without thinking of all the ways I could die before I buckle my seatbelt. Imagine going to SuperHell for the first time in your life! Not only that, but people told Will constantly that as a child of Apollo he was basically fucked. The three strongest demigods that made it back almost went insane! Of course Will is going to be upset, irrational, irritated, and uncomfortable. 

In TOA, he voiced several times how he thought it was a bad idea and that he really didn’t like it. This is not a new thing for Will’s character at all. For him to be willing to cross a line he had made concrete shows that he loves and cares for Nico. But that shouldn’t mean he isn’t allowed to be uncomfortable. 

Second, for anyone saying he could have stayed at camp instead of going has never sacrificed their comfort for someone else. There are so many instances in my life where I went way out of my comfort zone because I knew my friends/family wanted me there. Did I complain? Hell yes. Did I still do it? Hell yes! If Will had said, “Nico, I can’t do this and I refuse to at least try,” I would have lost so much respect for his character. Instead he sucked it up, even when he was already practically dying before they got there. 

Three, Will was worried about Nico. He’s never experienced Tartarus, he’s never been to the Underworld. While Will has definitely faced his share of demons, he’s never stood in Nico’s shoes. So when his boyfriend is having vivid nightmares and hearing voices, he’s going to try and rationalize it for Nico because that’s what he has done his entire life. Will is the “healer.” He is supposed to fix things, not let them traipse off to hell like it’s a vacation spot. 

Four, this is a 15 year old. Fuck, even now at the ripe ole age of 20, I’d still be shaking in my boots terrified at the thought of going somewhere that is practically a jailhouse for the worst creatures in creation. Will has little to no experience on the field (He ran from six guards without even trying to pull out a weapon. The worst thing he’s ever said to his enemies was “anemic loser” and didn’t even want to kill Octavian. Every battle before that he had an older sibling to look up to and care for him). So yeah, I’d just be a tad bit nervous and annoying.  

Will asking Persephone how to love someone from the Underworld was honest and raw. 

This scene broke me in ways I can’t even describe because of how real it felt. If you’ve ever been in a deep and caring relationship (friendship counts) you should understand. Like Persephone said, love is something you choose and it’s complicated and messy even for people who were practically made for each other. For Will to ask how to love someone from the Underworld shows that he is actively choosing to understand and love Nico. 

I get that most people interpret Will’s lines as “How do you love someone so filled with death?” but really he’s asking how do you love someone who acts like he doesn’t want to be loved? How do you love someone that pulls away from your light no matter how desperately you try to give it them? How do you love someone who hides parts of themselves from you? 

Will is a healer, he fixes things. It’s not until this scene that Will realizes the only thing Will needs to fix is his perspective on Nico. That darkness and hurt and trauma is okay. It’s also a scene where Will realizes he doesn’t have to force down his own trauma anymore. 

Will loves Nico and it’s so obvious he scared to lose him. He thinks he’s weak and broken and incapable of helping Nico escape his trauma. His insecurities shadow him and he’s confused about how to navigate this relationship because he thinks he needs to be the leader. How can he lead if Nico won’t let him? How can he help when he doesn’t know how? Persephone’s scene was Will’s chance of finding guidance from someone who could understand exactly what he’s thinking

People in their late 40′s still can’t get relationships down. Why are we pushing unrealistic relationship ideations on a 15 year old who doesn’t even know who he is yet?

Will was not useless. 

Sorry that the relationship duo isn’t Mr. Badass and Mr. Badass 2.0. Will not being a fighter is refreshing to see because honestly I’m quite tired of seeing badass couples in every book/movie. Not everyone is strong and powerful and super awesome. Will is a nerd that likes healing people. Why isn’t that enough? 

“He’s described as having muscles,” “He’s a field/combat medic,” “He fought in the wars,” “He carries people all the time,” “He trains with the Apollo cabin.” Okay and? I was raised to work hard and protect myself. I work out and I know how to use a bow and knife. Does that mean I want to? No. 

I’d also like to point out that almost everyone in camp is described as having muscles. You kind of have to when your life motto is Try not to die or get eaten. Also they train on lava walls, jump eight foot pits, and weapons. I get a little bit of muscle going on my silly little walks, I’d be fucking jacked if I was actively training. 

Second, Will has never once been described fighting monsters/demigods. I don’t doubt that he’s had a few encounters, but the boy practically specializes in RUNNING AWAY. He’s a feral little animal that finds injured demigods and sprints them away to the medic center while occasionally bashing monster heads in. He’s strong because he needs to be, not because he wants to be. Strength also doesn’t equal battle prowess. 

Not to mention, he hates killing! He didn’t want to kill Octavian despite Octavian being the actual worst. He runs away as a distraction even though he had weapons on him. He got upset when Nico threw Sherman Yang out of the chariot in TOA. Monsters are different, but monsters are also scary. Will is terrified of demon pigeons, you really think he’s willingly gonna go one-on-one with anything bigger than his pinky? 

I’ll admit, I hated that he didn’t have a weapon in Tartarus. I thought it was really stupid and out-of-character because my anxious ass would have loaded up. Still, it was kind of funny when they described Will bashing rocks over monster’s heads during their fight with Nyx. 

My final point for this: Will was Nico’s support system and that was the point. Will knew he wasn’t going to throw hands with anyone. He went because he knew Nico needed him even when Nico told him to stay. Will was going to trek through SuperHell with the love of his life and hold his hand to remind him that he was loved. Will wanted Nico to know that he’d literally go to Hell and back for him and that’s what mattered. 

Nico didn’t ask Will to be the Hero. Nico states several times that the reason he loves Will is because he wants to heal and he’s so stubborn to find the good in everything. And that’s exactly what Will did. He offered support, care, and reminders. He was going to understand and love Nico, even through the darkest parts of his life. 

Will is one of the best support systems in a PJO couple duo. 

It makes me incredibly sad to see people call Will toxic when he gave his entire life to support Nico. I won’t deny that he complained a lot and said hurtful things and that he occasionally belittles Nico’s feelings. But Will didn’t know he was doing those things. He thought he was helping Nico navigate his PTSD. How is someone who is still emotionally developing his own character supposed to know how to take care of someone else’s? 

Will also clearly showed love and affection towards Nico. He met all his friends and was polite to them even when they looked scary. Will risked his life several times before they got to Tartarus and still insisted on continuing. Built a Minecraft house for his boyfriend and left him a KitKat bar because he knew he would feel fatigued (also Will brought KitKat bars, meaning he was already thinking of Nico’s health beforehand). He tried to be useful by scouting ahead because he felt like he was being a burden on Nico. He kissed him, called him silly nicknames, hugged him, respected his boundaries (asking to hold him instead of trying to comfort him immediately), and oh yeah, went to Tartarus when he was obviously quaking in his flipflops. 

He also helped Bob when he had no idea who/what he was, comforted Nico when he was beginning to lose hope, acknowledged his mistakes and admitted he needed to try harder, realized he didn’t need to fix Nico and that his boyfriend was perfect the way he was, and learned that Nico wasn’t going to leave him. 

Love is complicated. Love is something you choose. And Will chooses to love Nico. Also for everyone saying a year is long enough to learn/realize these problems already and have them solved, you need to take the rose tinted glasses off. I’ve been with my partner for almost four years, and I’m still learning things about our relationship. We argue, we don’t always meet eye-to-eye. Our own trauma and experiences surface and it gets difficult. But do we just call it quits and throw everything into the trash? No. We talk, we problem-solve, we come back and try to understand each other even if we don’t know how to do that. A year is nothing. A year is puppy love and excitement. It’s like your favorite movie on repeat. All the problems are ignored because you don’t want to see them yet. 

So for a pair of 15 year old's who just came to terms with their sexuality, I think that they are doing pretty damn good at this love thing. 

Anyway, that’s all I really wanted to say. Even though we’ve had Will for years, we’ve never gotten to know his true character until now. It’s raw and weird and doesn’t fit the mold of Will Solace, son of Apollo we all created him to be. You can still hate his character or whatever, I’m not going to try to change your mind. But don’t hate on everyone else who loves him and loves this book. 

[f4irys4n]

brothers best friend

jeong yunho x afab! reader

your brother wasn't too much older than you, probably around a yea

so that meant you closely grew up with him and his friendship group

and over the years.. you slowly developed a crush on yunho

honestly, you just thought it was due to the proximity: he was an attractive guy and he was nice to you, you're bound at least get a little crush on him

but over time you began to realise that it was so much more than that

you tried your best to try and hide it, to not make things awkward but as you both got older, this progressively got harder

he'd watched you grow up, there was no way he could ever like you. you were convinced he only saw you as a sister

there was one defining time where he was staying over at your house and he'd had a shower, and of course you stepped out of your room the very same moment he stepped out of the bathroom

to add to this situation.. he was shirtless, hair and chest still wet..

you swear you audibly gasped at the sight before turning back around and locking yourself into your room once again

since that day, you felt stupidly awkward around him

and of course, he noticed, and it confused him beyond belief

you'd been close since you were young, doing stupid things together and laughing around, why had you suddenly gone into hermit mode around him?

and the only thing he could think to do was to confront you about it?

you were in the kitchen one day making coffee when he came downstairs, telling your brother he was going to get a glass of water

but in reality, he just needed a moment alone with you

the second you saw him coming down the stairs, you tried to quickly rush what you were doing so you could slip away

'lets not be doing this again,' he speaks bluntly, blocking the way and stopping you from getting past him

'do what?' you fake confusion, trying to scooch past his big frame

'ignore me.. act like i'm not there,' he hums, a small pout forming on his lips 'every time i enter a room, you automatically leave.'

you didn't know how to respond to his sudden comments

you felt guilty, of course you did, but you seriously didn't know what else to do

'what have i done? have i upset you?'

'no.. of course you haven't, yunho,'

'so what's going on? we've known each other since you were 8, you've always wanted to be around me, what's changed?' he asks firmly

'it's nothing,' you mumble 'you've done nothing,' you continue, emphasising the last part of your sentence because that was the problem.. he's done nothing

yunho would sigh, slowly stepping aside to let you past, giving up trying to talk to you because it was apparent you weren't giving up

you take your chance and try to shoot off but he suddenly grabs your wrist softly

"y/n.." he whispers softly, you could hear the desperation in his voice "look at me."

you'd comply, feeling uneasy about what he was gonna say

and here comes an obvious looking romance cliché

he cups your face and kisses you

his lips were softer than clouds, and his finger tips caressed your cheek like you could break at any second

the grin on his face as he pulls away would be unforgettable

just a cheesy little grin, his cheeks red and round

"that was nice," he giggles softly

you'd actually be speechless because where did that come from ??

"that's what i hadn't done," yunho hums, pleased with himself "will you now please stop ignoring me? i've missed you,"

you'd actually be beyond baffled..

"i like you.. y/n.." he confess

instant wave of relief, am i right?

"and i hated not speaking to you, it's been the first few weeks of my life seeing you ignore me like you don't even know me when you've known me your entire life,"

you wouldn't even know what to say but sorry

what else are you supposed to say?

"don't apologise.. just admit you like me back," he chuckles

like the cheeky little fuck that he is

because unbeknown to you, yunho knew you fancied him the entire time and was just waiting for the day you finally admitted it to him

"i've waited so long for you to confess to me, but you never did, so now i've had to do it myself you little shit,"

cut to you confessing and having another cheeky little kiss

and your brother extra points if you're imagining it's another ateez boy catches you in the act and threatens to beat yunho up

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for getting upset about my mom's food waste?

so food waste is an ongoing problem we've been having for probably our whole lives. recently, i've started to realize the extent to it (i wouldn't say it's absolutely horrendous, it just feel guilty about how much we trash) and try to minimize how much we throw out.

for context, i (16m) have my chores constrained to the kitchen. i am fine with this and have volunteered for it since i have a love for cooking and own it as my responsibility. i meal plan, cook dinner, breakfast, desserts, etc., keep the fridge clean, do the dishes, and clean the counters. again, this is all to my own volition.

i have set up a system that i've discussed with my whole family (mom and two sisters) that every week my mom and i will do a shopping trip to get ingredients for the meals for that week and only that. they have all agreed and the plan works pretty well from there.

this is where i'm wondering if i'm the asshole.

my mom has this weird habit of not being able to say no to herself. i've repeatedly told her she's not allowed to buy things not on my list since it usually doesn't get used. every time i've brought it up, she agrees. and the she'll do it again.

i've gotten really frustrated with her behavior and have started to get snappy about it. the sister i am very close to has said she understands my frustrations but ultimately i cannot control my mom and she can get things she wants.

the other night my mom and i had an argument over this. i had gone through the freezer and pulled out a few things that had their expiration date either 1 or 2 years back, so i threw them out. i think it's gross to eat them since they've most likely been in there for 4-5 years (freezer items usually last 2-3 years right at purchase). my mom saw them in the trash and asked why i threw them out. i told her they were expired and she got annoyed, saying that even if they were a bit past the expiration date, they were still good. i do understand that that's sometimes the case, but this was mostly meat. i have a weird relationship with meat where if it is even slightly off (being in the freezer too long, looking weird even if it's good, having any cartilage, etc), i won't it eat because it makes me want to throw up.

i took it to my own judgement to throw it out since it hadn't been touched since we bought it anyway. she got mad and said it cost her money so we should use it anyway. i retorted that if it was so expensive, why had she forgotten about it for so long? i also thought about bringing up all the stuff she buys and throws out later, but decided to keep it to myself.

the argument ended with her washing the items off and putting them back in the freezer. i'm still mad about all the food she buys that hasn't been asked for. i do feel weird about it since she can eat whatever she wants, i'm not controlling her on that, i'm just trying to reduce food waste. so, aita?

What are these acronyms?

[cowboycherry]

☆ || pain in my teeth!

summary! // tasm! peter parker x autistic! reader who has some very prominent and unfortunate sensory issues regarding a certain super suit.

inclusions/warnings! // gender of reader is not specified. reader’s sensory issues make their teeth hurt to a point where they have to use a stimulation (in the form of a rubber straw) to make it better, peter feels guilty about it which then causes reader’s empathy sensitivity to spike, reader says i love you and peter says it back, i don’t know how to end a fluffy blurb!! <3 no use of ‘y/n’ but uses of baby, sweetheart (for reader) and pete, petey (for peter) i wrote this based on my personal experiences with autism, so it may not be something that every person experiences!

not proofread! // please let me know if there are any mistakes/things that i should work on! and my inbox is open for any requests, or just a chat!

possession! // all of my work is my own. do not copy, translate, or repost any of my writing.

word count! // 700+

enjoy my lovelies! <3

。 ♡ 。　　♡。　　♡ {peter’s version}

peter honestly wasn’t sure what had happened to get to this point.

about 3 seconds ago you were fine, basking in his spider-man awesomeness and doting on him being the “coolest and best boyfriend ever!” and now you’re making a scrunchy face and uncomfortable noises.

because of his spider senses (but actually because he is the best boyfriend ever and knows what you’re feeling before you can even comprehend it), he jumps into action. as he moves closer to hold you and ask what’s wrong, what had suddenly changed to make you upset, you hold a hand up to stop him.

he frowns slightly, “are you okay? what happened, baby?” you shake your head in response.

“i’ve never felt your suit before.”

he completely stops, confused for a moment as to why that has anything to do with this and then it clicks. the texture.

you’ve always been super irritated by textures: velvet, corduroy, silks, and many many others. while you aren’t quite sure what horrendous type of spandex fabric peter’s blue and red superhero costume was made out of, you know that it hurts. badly.

“just made my teeth hurt really bad, ‘s okay, though. ‘m okay now, pete.” you try to smile widely at him to let him know that it’s fine but you cringe and purse your lips again as you watch him as he removes the suit hurriedly, ridding the thing causing you to not touch him.

“no! i, ugh! i should’ve thought about it and let you feel the suit a little bit first before i hugged you like that, sweetheart, i’m sorry.”

you shake your head fervently, mumbling assurances that it’s fine as you begin to bite onto the silicone straw in your cup to reduce the aching of your teeth. “really it’s fine! it just… threw me off. y’know how i am, pete. but it’s better now! my teeth aren’t even hurting anymore!” they definitely were, but you can’t stand to see him feel so guilty about something that isn’t his fault.

he throws a t-shirt over his head (one that he knows you never have a problem with) and he strides towards the bed. “i still feel bad, though. ‘specially ‘cause i know you well enough to know that they’re still hurting.” he grumbles as he lays next to you, covering his face with a pillow.

you reach behind you, still chewing on your straw, to rub a hand across his stomach. “really ‘s okay, peter! i’ll be fine in a minute. just please don’t feel bad.” your voice sounds a little strained with worry and that makes him feel even worse knowing that he’s affecting your empathy sensitivity as well.

“okay. okay, it’s fine. you’re okay. can i touch you, please?” his voice is dulcet as he whispers to you. you nod, humming in relief when you feel his hands settle on your hips.

your teeth finally rid of their ache after a few more minutes, and you turn to peter with a frown on your face. “no, no baby, why that face?” he pouts, rushing his hands to cover your cheeks and try to rub the frown away.

you mimic his pout, mumbling through his palms, “oou wor ‘sposed to tae me to swang frew da cidy!”

he giggles and removes his hands, “one more time?”

you crack a little smile, still frowning slightly.

“you were supposed to take me to swing through the city, petey! and now you can’t because ‘m sensitive!” you throw yourself dramatically onto the bed with a wail.

“oh.” he pauses for a minute as he turns to face you. “well, we could… go without my suit? like to somewhere where there aren’t many people or we could go at night! or! i could just wear the mask, then you don’t have to touch the whole suit!”

your heart swells at the boy in front of you. he’s so so sweet and you know that he’d do anything for you, and you would do the same for him.

“i think that sounds really nice, peter. i love you, by the way. thanks for always putting up with me.” you snuggle into his warmth, wrapping you fingers into his hair as you kiss little pecks onto his skin.

“yeah, ‘f course, baby.” you can hear his grin through your kisses. “i love you too.”

[mulderscully]

lately i've been doing bad and i hate that. i feel like i should be happy. i have what i wanted. my own space, a full time adult job, freedom to come and go as i please. and i'm like at work trying not to cry in the bathroom, and all the disipline i taught myself last year feels like it's gone. i am so aware of how i don't have family and how little friends i have. and i'm grateful for the friends i have but i also understand why i don't have many and i wish i could be a more outgoing person. i feel like i've become mean and guarded and i hate that too. i want to be kinder. my ocd makes me do weird rituals that i hate explaining. i have pains in my stomach and chest that i can't tell are mental or physical. my eye keeps twitching. i have brain fog and keep forgetting things. i feel guilty about my problems when the world is so shitty. i barely talk to anyone irl outside of work so i'm terminally online, and feel stupidly rejected when others aren't, panic when i think i upset someone because my main social interactions happen here and i care abt it more than i should at 30. i pace the room back and forth just wishing i could call my mom in a way i haven't in all these years. i feel like i need a 3 month vacation from doing nothing. i never want to die but i can't find the point of life rn bc i've reached a goal i had for so long. idk i feel so weird everyday and i'm tired of it. i want people to comfort me but i don't want them to be aware i'm struggling. hmmm

[gmwsuperfan5467890]

Theories on the Script Leak

Recently, JLH posted a page of the script on her story. To paraphrase, Maddie and Buck were having a conversation where Buck feels guilty about hurting someone at a basketball court but at the end it implies that he felt like he did it on purpose. We know that the character Buck hurts is male because that was what the script said. Now, I will go through the character (in no particular order) and discuss the probability of them being the ‘hurt’ character. Additionally, I’ll discuss possible plots and questions that could arise from this.

1) Chimney. To be honest I don’t think it’s Chimney because if it was, Buck would feel way too guilty to talk to Maddie about it and I feel like Maddie wouldn’t be as calm if Buck admitted that he felt like he hurt Chimney on purpose. I also don’t think they’ll have a fight this season because it is Madney’s wedding and they already had a major blow-out in season 5. At most, they might have disagreements on the wedding planning but nothing major.

2) Albert. If the actor wasn’t working on other projects, it would have been a more likely option than Chimney. Maybe Buck and Albert had a fight because Buck and Natalia broke up and then Albert started dating Natalia. So Buck feels betrayed and jealous because he couldn’t be happy in a relationship with her but Albert can. Or maybe Albert has a serious, long-term girlfriend that he plans to marry and Buck feels jealous that he’s not at that place yet, even though he is older. Or Albert says something that accidentally provokes Buck. In the script it also implies that there are possibly 2 ‘hims’, the ‘him 1” who got hurt and “him 2” that is mad that Buck hurt “him 1”. So in this case, Chimney could be mad that Buck hurt Albert.

3) Also a likely option. Buck has been aggressive to Ravi before in an attempt to haze him for the job. And I could see Buck being jealous that Ravi is advancing in the job faster than he did.

4)Christopher. No way in hell is it going to be Christopher. First of all, Christopher is a child, if Buck is trying to imply that he may have hurt him on purpose then he is a major asshole. Secondly, there is no conceivable chance that Buck could ever get mad enough at Christopher where he would be extra rough or aggressive with him and if Buck does hurt Christopher, he wouldn’t even think for a second that he may have done it on purpose because that is the last thing he’d ever do.

5) Bobby. I don’t really think it’s likely because I can’t really think of a scenario where Buck would get mad enough at Bobby that he would think that he hurt him on purpose. Even when he got Interim Captain, Buck didn’t hide his disappointment from Bobby and had a asked him why he wasn’t offered the job. Buck and Bobby’s relationship has certainly been fortified last season, so I think if Buck had a problem with Bobby, he will just straight-up tell him. There will be no Lawsuit 2.0.

6) Eddie. I think it’s most probably Eddie. I am trying not to look at this through shipper goggles and keep my expectations low but there are definitely reasons that Buck could get mad enough at Eddie where he would think that he may have hurt him on purpose. Buck could be jealous that Eddie is spending more time with Marisol or whoever he is currently dating. Or Buck could be upset that there’s a new development in Eddie’s life that Eddie didn’t tell him about. Or Buck or Eddie could have both said something hurtful to each other in the heat of the moment and now things are tense between them. Or Buck and Eddie may be hiding their feelings for each other and it’s causing more tension, more aggression and more fights.

I feel like Buck would feel comfortable being rough/aggressive with Eddie because they are close and they are peers unlike him and Bobby and Christopher and I feel like Buck’s emotions are more heightened with Eddie so it would be easier for him to get in that headspace.I also think that ‘him 2’ could be Christopher. Maybe Buck feels like Christopher is mad at him because he hurt his dad.

Now I don’t think Buck actually intended to hurt the person but I think he was definitely more aggressive/rougher than usual with this person. I really hope this plot is good and that the resolution is shown.

[fxchild]

The Switch

Miles Fairchild x fem!reader

Chapter seven: So now you're back?

A note from Fxchild ! Hi hi so ya I am not dead ! My phone lit broke and I totes forgot my email for this acc but now I'm back and my writers block has never gone away so quickly ! I'm so excited for new chapters to b out soon ! In the meantime while you r waiting for chapters, if you have one shot ideas for characters Finn Wolfhard plays I would b more than happy to write those so you guys aren't waiting forever for a new chapter ! So...finally heres the well awaited chapter seven ! I hope you enjoy this <3

It's the first day of May. It's also been three months since Miles left again. I keep telling Flora that he'll be back soon but I feel my heart break every time I lie to her. I don't think he will be back until I leave for the summer and then he'll leave again when I come back. I feel so guilty..Flora doesn't have a brother that lives with her because of me. But was it all really my fault? He treats me like shit and expects me to tolerate it. Never mind. I don't give a flying fuck about him anymore. He can do whatever he wants, if something happens to him, oh boo hoo not my problem.

It was finally Friday which means I have tomorrow off and I only have to teach Flora a little today because the weather was perfect for horseback riding and I'd promise to let her out today. Today I wore a dark red top with dark grey jeans with black high top shoes. I put my hair in a half up half down clip and did minimal makeup because I was planning on recording myself for an upcoming interview I have for a summer job.

Today I planned out a written test to see Flora's knowledge on geography. I would give her a half an hour to finish up on review and two hours for the test. The test was fairly easy so it shouldn't take her more than an hour or so.

"And begin." I smiled at Flora, setting my timer on my desk which is right across from hers. She immediately begins to read and write down answers while I look over her past work to grade.

Around 45 minutes into the session we hear the front door open. Flora pays no attention to it, I assume it's Ms. Grose coming in from cutting grass or buying groceries so I ignore it and go back to reading old assignments. Around a few minutes went by when I heard footsteps coming to the room. Expecting Ms. Grose I take my feet off the desk and fix my posture without looking at the door. I pretend to be in deep thought with grading when I hear someone clear their throat and hear Flora shout,

"Miles!" She screeches and jumps from her seat running over to hug him. I immediately turn my whole body in my chair with wide eyes. His hair slightly longer and he looks a little taller. He still has the same smirk and dead eyes I saw the night he left. He had on a black coat that ran down to his knees and two bags in his hands that he must have taken when he left. He engulfs Flora into a hug and smiles down at her. I've never seen that smile before. Unlike the ones he had given me this one was warm and loving. I think I had given him that smile before but I wasn't sure. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, he looked up at me and smiled. It was genuine, his eyes brightened. I knew it was real because it wasn't that same old smirk he put on with confidence, he looked painfully awkward and his eyes kept darting between me and the wooden floor. I didn't smile back. I rose up from my seat and walked over to him.

"Flora, why don't you take Miles bags and put them in his room for him sweetheart?" I smiled down at her while patting her hair. She gladly accepts and runs off with his bags. Miles smiles at me again nodding opening his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"How you been Miles? Where'd you go this time huh? Was it fun?" I say with a sarcastic fake smile, he could tell I was mad.

"Well I-" He begins as I slap his face.

"You scared the shit out of me! Do you know how upset Flora was? She cried for almost a week, blaming herself, poor girl!" I say gritting my teeth with my eyes starting to tear up slightly.

He stared at me with pursed lips before sighing and answering. "He told me to."

I scoff and look at him dumbfounded. "He? Wh-who the hell is 'he' Miles huh? What are you schizo?" I roll my eyes annoyed

"Nobody-nothing. I just..had a dream that's all." He shakes his head staring down at the floor with shame.

"Whatever Miles." I roll my eyes and walk over to Flora's desk to pick up her finished test. "Better go find Flora. Told her she could get out of class early to go ride the horses." I say looking through her test without looking up at Miles.

"You're not gonna come?" He asks quietly, nodding his head to the side, scratching the back of his neck.

I chuckle quietly before placing the test back on the desk. "After the last time?" I walk over to him, picking a pine needle off his jacket. "No thanks." I fake smile before walking out of the room to my own. When I reach my room I fall flat onto my bed before letting out a loud sigh into my pillow. A few minutes later I look out the window. I see Flora and Miles running to the stables and shouting happily. I turn to look at my Calendar, 30 days until I leave. I got sick of sitting in my room bored and decided to go do something, anything in his boring place.

I walk into the kitchen hoping there's an apple or some food sitting out but instead of being greeted with food, it's an unbearable Ms. Grose. I smile at her but she crosses her arms and frowns at me.

"Why are you being so unpleasant towards Miles?" She grits her teeth. "What are you talking about?" I ask trying to pretend I have no clue what's going on. "Talking to him in such an arrogant tone, not accepting his offer and you still wonder why he left? You should be shamed." She spits at me coldly. My face dropped as I start to feel tears in the corners of my eyes.

I quickly ran back up to my room and slam the door. Tears start to stream down my face as I grab my backpack and start shoving stuff into my bag. By the time I zipped it up I hear the front door open again. I quickly put my shoes back on and started heading down the stairs. Walking towards the door I'm wiping my tears, Miles blocks my path.

"Woah woah! Where are you going?" He asks with a concerned look on his face, his hands falling to my shoulders. "Out." I reply while sniffling trying to push past him.

"Um okay, when are you coming back?" He lets go of me, now following me out the door. "I don't know..like..tomorrow? Sunday maybe?" I continue to walk away from him to my car. "Tell me where in case you get black out drunk again and need me to pick you up." He scoffs grabbing onto my wrist.

"You know what Miles? You won't have to worry about me anymore! I won't bother you. It's clear I make you want to leave and you hate me so I'll just leave you alone okay?! Is that what you wa-"

He cuts me off by pressing his lips against mine. It was soft and quick, like he was trying to shut me up and this was the first thing he thought of. He lets go of my wrist and stands up straight looking at me sternly. My cheeks are burning red as I attempt to say something but I can't seem to speak, like there's no air in my lungs.

I lean up against my car door for a moment staring at my feet trying to decide whether to leave or not. I finally look up at him, his head in staring at my feet too. His hands are in his pockets and he's biting his bottom lip nervously. I smile up at him.

"Hey..I'll be back in a little while. I promise I won't make you pick me up this time. Want me to grab you something?" I softly smile, hoping he won't hate me. He shakes his head no with a small smile on his face before letting me get into his car. He watches me drive off before heading back inside.

'29 days..' I whisper to myself as I head into the nearest town, smiling to myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was extremely rushed so my apologies if it wasn't as great as one of my last chapters ! I promise the next chapter will b better and have more of a plot than this one. Hope you guys liked this and r excited for the next chapter!

[ariays]

My thoughts on Rowoon leaving SF9 as someone who stans them since 2019:

Firstly, those of you who are not even a fan, who does not even follow Rowoon throughout his idol career and are here purely for the bandwagon, please kindly take a step back.

There has always been a reason why some fans knew this was coming and it's not because of the so called 'acting disease' which ya'll seem to assume. There's an unspoken reason which only true fans would know. He has been suffering from a herniated disc since 2020. Before that, he has been really involved with group activities but ever since the injury he sustained, he has not been able to fully participate due to the intense choreographies which he obviously wouldn't be able to do anymore.

Herniated disc is no joke and it doesn't just go away like any other minor injuries. Being put into acting projects is a more manageable and sustainable route for him to contribute to the company as well as his group's brand. Participating in multiple performances would just take a toll on his health because it's not just a one time performance, it's basically hours of practices and rehearsals which would be a sh*tty thing to do to yourself if you have a long ongoing back issues. His problem was so bad at one point that he couldn't even walk without the help of crutches.

It's a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation when it comes to Rowoon because when he priotises his health by not participating and doing other things to contribute instead, people get mad saying that it doesn't feel like he's part of the group then when he tries to participate like the latest comeback, people still get mad because of his dancing and bashed him for his lack of energy and passion. The man is still struggling with a herniated disc, of course he's not going to be able to dance as intensely as he used to. Unless you want him to break his back and paralyze himself in the future maybe.

To be honest, I can see why he may have felt slightly upset about the fans because of the bashing he received due to issues he has no control over. So before anyone mentions Eunwoo or Junho or whatever other actor idols out there who manages to juggle just fine, do they have any underlying health issues that could prevent them from performing choreo? Their situation is completely different so you can't really compare.

Sure, he can stick with doing the bare minimum choreo while aggravating his condition to become worse while also taking in all the bashing comments about his lack of energy for dancing but why should he? It will only make him feel guilty for bringing the group down because he would never be able to perform on par with them and he will only stick out like a sore thumb for all their upcoming performances.

So honestly, this is a right decision he made for himself as well as for his group members. Fans will just have to accept it whether they like it or not. I don't think he owes the fans any proper or detailed explanation for his decision because only real fans would know the truth from the start. If he were to state anything and reveal his vulnerabilities, it would just sound like an excuse to some people anyway so it's best that he does not mention it at all.

I expected Fantasies to be more understanding about his situation to be honest but I fully understand that the disappointment/anger felt are completely valid. I am too. I am disappointed that he's no longer SF9's Rowoon. But as a fan, I also could understand his struggles and the decision he made with him and his group members in mind. It is for the best. It's time for us to just move on and continue to support them as a group and support Rowoon on his new path as well.

If you find it difficult to support him after all this, then fine. You do you. But please don't invalidate the times where he has been nothing but an amazing member of SF9 who have contributed a lot to the group during their beginnings. Who has always been sweet, caring, and loving towards his members and fans. When they first started out, he was literally the PR of the group, going to various shows to promote the group as a rookie. When he started acting, and when he goes on shows, he would introduce himself as SF9 Rowoon while emphasizing on SF9. When he started gaining popularity and goes on shows with his group members, he would literally try to put the attention away from him and let the other members shine more because they deserve the attention as much he does. Please don't forget that Rowoon. Just as Rowoon is going on his new path, I hope that you'll erase all the negativity you might have felt and go on your own path as well.

[mingos]

*crawls out of the ground like a mole, coughing up copious amounts of dirt*

so, hello.

    i try to keep things as vague & light as possible when referencing my homelife because, honestly, the last time i brought up anything tangentially related i was essentially told “you being upset is making other people upset and ruining the fun” so being anything other than ✨chaotic positivity gremlin wilder ✨ here makes me paranoid, hence why i’ll just disappear for weeks sometimes. 

but. 

i’ve clearly been gone for a bit, will probably be gone for a bit longer, and since i’ve been getting messages from folks wanting to check in on me i wanna give a more detailed update than usual. i feel guilty for not responding directly, but for reasons i can’t get detailed on other than “the idea of having a conversation with 99.9% of people right now is terrifying” (is this what being nonverbal is, chat?) with even the .1% being a super recent development, a queue post into the void is my solution.

i won’t get that detailed, but if light references to domestic abuse, addiction, or just family issues in general are hard subjects for you - nothing past this paragraph is too pertinent anyway, so don’t worry about having to stop. all you gotta know is that some Bad Stuff with family happened, but i’m safe & i’ll be back in maybe another week or something. 

anyways. i was living out of hotels for about 3 weeks. 

more like 16-17 days if you want to get technical because 4 of those days i had an actual scheduled hotel for my twin’s wedding at the end of august - but i’ve basically been bouncing around since august 21st. the night of the 20th, i had a horrific fight with my family member and, for the first time ever, i left. don’t know if would call it brave on my part - since we were leaving for a trip anyway, this is just the first time my suitcase was already packed.

right now, i’ve been at another relative’s house since the 11th. i tried to go back on the 1st because, even after years of this, i’m apparently way too easy to convince everything is going to be fine…  but by the 2nd i was out of there again. 

currently mulling over my next move here because, as much as the common sense answer is to stay away, anybody who’s unfortunate enough to deal with this knows how complicated it is. i’m scared for this person’s safety as much as i am for my own. no one else really checks on them, and i’ve already had to deal with several medical emergencies they’ve had like bad falls & breathing problems. i don’t like leaving them alone for long because the guilt at the thought of something bad happening to them and no one knowing for possibly days or weeks eats me up.

i logically know i’ll have to get past that eventually because i can’t let my life be dictated by this incredibly toxic cycle forever or i’ll never be happy, but now isn’t the time. they also have a dog who would similarly be put at risk if something happened to them, so it’s a lot for me to worry about.

but, having said all that, we’re currently in the apology stage or i guess the negotiation stage because, after the shit that happened this time, i’m making it perfectly clear i’m not stepping foot in that house until they do something. detox, treatment, rehab, disulfiram, soberlink, therapy – something. we’re kind of running out of things for them to try at this point, but at least they used to try. they haven’t really been doing that this past year and I’m the one suffering the most because of it.

so yeah, that’s where things are at the moment. i’m mentally not doing so hot - but I’ve got my dog, and being able to sleep in a bed i’m familiar with for a change and not a hotel (I spent so much money on hotels, guys i’m cooked) is nice relief while I wait out whatever the hell is happening. talking to them over the phone again pretty much drains any of the energy I’ve got back, but it sounds like they’re starting to "get it' so hopefully they’ll start to take this seriously again because I can really only take one more year of this (if even) until I just need to accept these things aren’t my responsibility and move on.

honestly, having a close-knit group of friends/support system for the first time in years has really reminded me of that and given me the confidence to take a lot of steps to live for myself for a change, and to think about prioritizing my own happiness for once, which wasn’t the place i was in at this time last year, or the year before that, or the year before that - so I just want to say thank you again to anyone whose ever helped talk me through something or really just been nice to me at all. this is why i always remember to be kind because it can genuinely do a lot for someone going through something, because i know it has for me.

anyway uhhhhh i hope you are all doing well, and with any luck i’ll be chilling on here by the start of october. can’t miss spooky month and this insufferable pink bird’s birthday, after all.

much love.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for being upset with my mother for buying me a car?

My mother has a habit of reckless and impulsive spending, and also of quitting her jobs at the drop of a hat. We both work agency in the healthcare field and carpool to facilities together- she drives, as I do not have a license, but I pay for all of our gas and treats, whether we're working or not (drinks and snacks on the road).

(I currently rent from her).

She has never voiced a complaint. In fact, she has always said that she enjoys working with me and she doesn't mind driving me to and from work because we work the same shifts anyways.

About three weeks ago, she came home and told me she had a surprise for me. A 2003 PT Cruiser, which she put the down payment on and expects me to pay her back for. It needed a new radiator, new spark plugs, a lot of the wiring was chewed through by mice, a new fuel injector pump, and now there's an issue with the computer.

I tried to tell her no, but as I'm renting from her and she has a bit of a temper, I didn't want to cause problems in case she kicked me out again. And to be fair, I do like the car. I basically just said thatim going on vacation soon and I don't know if I want to get a vehicle and add onto my bills with such an unstable job as agency as an excuse.

Anyways, I paid for everything except the computer issue, and I haven't yet paid back the down payment. I'm several hundred in the hole, now, and need 400 more for the computer, and 500 for the down payment, plus it's 80 a week at the very least as payments for the vehicle. I just got back from a two week vacation visiting my LDR boyfriend for the first time, so I'm kind of broke as hell.

And she just quit our current contract.

I got angry with her and told her this is why I didn't want the vehicle, and also why she is in debt. I was definitely meaner than I should have been, but I feel like the things I brought up were valid. She ended up crying, and now I feel really guilty. Am I the asshole? I can provide more info than this, but this is the short of it.

What are these acronyms?

[girlwithamissingpearl]

I’m an Outlander fan. I’m also a SH fan. So why am I part of the minority in this Outlander/SH fandom?

I finally get it. I’ve had at least 5 people Dm me to say goodbye. Too toxic and mean. Each time I tried to convince them it’s not so bad, give it a chance. For the past 2 years I’ve read amazing things, posts and discussions.But last month I realized that I need a break. This fandom is my guilty pleasure. But how much pleasure is there when anon haters and trolls insert themselves into posts with comments like “I know who you are and you’re ugly” and “You’re stupid”. I realize the troll or trolls responsible aren’t exactly mental giants, but this behaviour would have been out of line when my kid was 5- from grown ass adults? Pathetic. So after a month I spent some time catching up and the one thing that really started to bug me came -from what seems like the majority in this fandom- was the insistence they really don’t care about SH or Outlander and they are just observing the “circus”. Seriously? If you regularly and consistently comment, follow, post and reblog SH’s every activity you are an active participant. You are interested. You are engaged. You are committed. You just don’t like SH. Not a prerequisite for the fandom, just don’t come at me for calling bullshit. Funny how so called “lurkers” post such specific anon posts. I read a post from a “lurker” who feels the mommies and grannies want to infantilize SH. They don’t. To be clear, I would confidently estimate at least 80% of SH fans don’t pay the comic con equivalent of the champagne room with any such thoughts. Take care of him? Absolutely. Touching, snogging or F*ucking him? Absolutely. And if you have a problem with that I’d like to introduce you to an 82 year old firecracker who will set you straight. Hey @dragonstepp!

So these “just observing don’t care” folks aren’t content just going after SH fans, they somehow feel he is not entitled to earn a living. Because he retweets posts from fans who buy his books or liquor or enjoy his show he is what exactly? Why do you care? Over a 100 celebrities have in one way or another put their name and face on tequila, vodka, gin etc. because fans purchase products endorsed by them. Thanking and acknowledging supporters is a way to build a brand. SH sells thousands of bottles. And just not to fans. Heard of Nobu? Why the outrage over the retweet’s? Like clockwork the casual “lurker’s” come together with torches and pitchforks every time he thanks a fan. Personally I’m impressed how he has been able to capitalize on his Outlander fame. Why wouldn’t he? Love him or hate him, SH is a smart guy who just happens to be really good looking.

One last thing. He’s been in the public eye over 10 years and I don’t think I’ve ever read a negative comment from his fans. Not every celebrity is so accommodating to fans. Many just say no to an autograph or selfie. Why is it so hard to believe that he just might be imperfect but still a decent man?

And if you’re thinking of coming at me as a brainless fan that SH has somehow taken advantage of/ don’t try me. And it’s not so much SH that I’m defending, but the thousands of women who consider SH a book boyfriend or fantasy man or whatever. We like him. We really like him. And we enjoy him. And why we participate in the fandom. So for the love of Ginger Jesus (sorry couldn’t resist) can someone explain why so many observers, lurkers, casual observers and haters are some of the most prolific participants in this fandom? Like him or don’t but don’t get upset if I call bullshit on your indifference.

[turtlesocksv2]

Liveblogging Dead Friend Forever Ep 7

I am SO SO SO excited for this and for PhiNon I am READY let's GO!

LMAO Phi and Non met on Thai Grindr I don't know why that's so funny to me. But they're so fucking cute oh my god. The way Non smiles when they meet face to face the first time! They're both immediately smitten. The date montage is killing me. Non feeding Phi! Pinkies Locked while walking down the street!!! I love them so much! Phi is absolutely 100% justified in murdering everyone over this little love story.

Phi's dad is kinda hot in the one second we saw of him, not gonna lie.

Them pulling a Lady Ant The Tramp on an apple is objectively hilarious but they're so cute that I'll let it pass.

Phi is so fucking in love. The matching bracelets are so cute. Something something Red String Of Fate something something. what a lovely bit of joy this opening bit has been.

Aaaaand we return to your regularly scheduled awfulness. That music really immediately brought the tone back. Remember that everything is terrible? Remember that Non might get arrested? Remember that Non eventually goes missing at best and is murdered at worst?

Ooooh! Phi's dad is a fucking cop! Real high up, too! well that makes things interesting. but lol at Phi being soooo Ride or Die that he's straight up lying to his dad that he's involved in The Crimes too just to save his boyfriend.

"But don't worry, there are no problems that I can't fix." PHI. PHI my murderous revenge seeking king. I love you. but perhaps calm your tits a little, you'll freak Non out even more than he's already freaked out. boy has Anxiety! Phi is so right to tell Non that he needs to change schools and that those aren't real friends but Non isn't ready to admit it yet.

See, Jin tries to help Non but it doesn't actually do anything. Because Jin has no spine or he wouldn't still be friends with people who bully the boy he likes. Phi actually helps Non. Get you a boyfriend like Phi, not like Jin.

Also it's so funny to see Non just not responding to Jin's heart eyes. Jin's got his hand on Non's shoulder like 😍 and Non is just blanking him. 🧍‍♂️😐 Hilarious.

Ah, i Knew that this was going to be the PhiNon Conflict: Phi is (rightfully!) upset about Non not sticking up for himself and leaving those assholes to do the movie themselves and keeping secrets, Non wants to handle his problems on his own and not have Phi sweep in every time to fix things and judge him. I'm sorry, Non, but you dicked down a latent obsessive crazy person (affectionate) and this comes with the territory. It's the Theerapanyakul coming out.

Pinky Promise! that i am 100% sure is going to be broken in like 30 seconds. I'm calling it now, i have the episode paused to write this but i am betting that the next scene transition is going to be to Hot Teacher manipulating Non.

Damn, I was wrong about that being the next scene but I FEEL IT. It's going to happen! Damn, they didn't even bring Non with them? he had to ask the villagers for help getting to the mansion? WOW.

Now Por, if this kid literally got you involved with the police for money laundering why the FUCK would you give him your credit card to go buy food for everyone? i get that you just don't want him around and want to punish him but that's just dumb.

Jin wants Fluke to also stand up for Non but that is not going to happen ever.

God Por and Top are so mean.

"It's my money, if I want something, it'll happen." "it's in my hands it must be mine, tell your dad to come sue me." fucking rich people.

Oh is this going to be the betrayal that means Jin has to die? That Jin convinced Non to stay and then Non ends up missing/dead? Jin must feel so guilty about that.

here we go, a scene with Hot Teacher. I know something's about to happen with this I can feel it. The music is making me so tense and now they're sitting on the couch together! and like, Non absolutely should be telling a teacher/adult about all this! but just not THIS teacher/adult. I do not trust him! "I see you as a brother" my ass.

AND THERE IT IS. I CALLED IT. lmao at Phi calling Non when he's leaving Hot Teacher's office. Phi's spidey sense was tingling.

aaskjfhj Phi fucking showing up to see Non and mr keng talking and he immediately clocks that it's Not Right and that mr keng wants to bone Non.

"you don't seem to trust me at all" because you're not being trustworthy! you're making bad choices! Phi is right and has never been wrong! just because he's a bit intense and overbearing with it doesn't mean he's wrong! god, Non being able to say that to Phi with a straight face when not even a half hour ago he was making out with mr keng. incredible.

I just want Phi and Non to be cute and happy and a little insane about each other and nothing bad happens ok. :(

Uh oh. Jin caught them!

Non no! don't give Tee 300k in cash to give to the boss! He's going to steal it! and then fucking Tee sets Top on Non to stalk him to figure out who gave the money.

OH huh. Hot Teacher is working with an investigative journalist to take down the mafia scammers? Oooooh, i bet that this is how Tee's uncle gets arrested. hmm. well maybe Hot Teacher Mr Keng isn't entirely terrible but he's on the thinnest fucking ice.

oh L M A F O is Jin gonna walk in on Non and Hot Teacher going at it. He already caught Non with Phi!

but OOOOOOOHHHHHH HERE WE GO. HERE is Jin's betrayal! Taking video of Non and Mr Keng getting it on and then getting drunk and POSTING IT ON TWITTER OH MY GOD. JIN NO.

and eeeeeeeveryone has seen it. oh god. Phi's seen it too oh no. i'm dying. i'm levitating in outer space.

the bracelet broke! something something red string of fate something something!!!!

oh fuuuuck. This is why Phi goes psycho revenge scheme on them. "you want me to forgive you? get lost and die." those are going to be Phi's last words to Non aren't they? aren't they? i hate it and i love it.

and next week shit is going to continue to hit the fan. i am vibrating. i need more! this is amazing!

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

Miles makes a good point, but poor Britta, this girl is getting anxiety problems worse than Neil! She's stretched so thin already.

Britta feeling like she is guilty of killing Pendragon! Baby girl, let me hug you so tight!

Also Pendragon being surprised is so funny, also it's because he is convinced he is the smartest/coniving/inportant person in any room.

Also yes they need to be allies not tools, exactly!!!

I mean I do see why Pendragon wanted the mass diablerie thing, but also I am with Johnny.

"he got the chance to be a hero and he didn't take it" so good.

Britta defending Pendragon, oh sweet girl.

I see something in him but I can't lie to you and tell you he sees you as people -> Britta this is a fucking red flag!

Then you must convince them. Damn Miles that is a tall ask!!!

Noooo NOOOOO no more breaking up the gang!

Is Miles actually becoming more human in all of this??? What is happening? You don't wanna use pendragon?? I get why Wynn gets very upset at that. Poor Wynn.

"You're drunk on him, Britta." wooof Wynn, true but still savage.

Neil trying to comfort Britta, he's such a sweet boy, even if he is a clumsy in execution.

Wynn sinking into the earth to try and escape her thoughts and feelings.

Neil coming after her though. (also Miles sending him after her again after he had stopped him first). Pressing his face and body into the grass to talk to her.

She said the places where they are 😭😭

She doesn't even want to say his name so the others won't know. 😭

Neil is doing a good job at the emotional support, I'm proud of my little anxious boy.

You know with his anxiousness and awkwardness and just einzelgangerness you would almost forget just how much Neil loves the coterie and Wynn especially.

Neil wants to use his "genie's wish" to cut Wynn's strings. 😭 That's love.

Ohh damn Wynn, 'they're playing to play a game with me, and you're one of them now.'

Joey isn't important to her 😭😭😭😭 at least she still knows it should be important.

He wants to care about the things she does until she can again. 😭

No! Not her first actual tears in this conversation at the thought of tasking Miles with caring for chaps. WOOOOF blood bonds, man. Fuck.

Miles having his eyes on the ball. Trying to convince Britta that she could try.

Wow wow, Britta please backtrack! This is not at all the direction I want this to go in. At all!

"that's an option, but it is your choice." Miles!!! Stop her!! Yes! Be more insistent that there are other ways!

Miles saying Wynn is allowed to be mad especially at him. Damn right, but also 😭.

This was a good talk between Miles and Britta. Much more equal than they usually have, the social strategists.

Uhoh! They can see who she is bloodbonded to?

Them hugging 😭

Aww look at all his badges!!! He's such a good lil ventrue!

FESTER IS ALIVE!!!! so... Now Fester and Neil can kiss, right? Just once? It would make him so happy!

Johnny, you better be careful, Wynn will bite your head off.

Lmaooo so Britta has to go tell pendragon they need a bull to go space out for a couple hours? 😂 Please let's see that conversation. That's wild.

I totally get Johnny resigning from the camarilla after this, but they all need to go. Miles needs him! They all need him. Just go full anarch dude!

Britta asking for a hug and Miles saying yes without any exasperation or unwillingness!

OH MY GOD!!! I had not recognised she had Miles's pillow to hug to her.

ANOTHER FUCKING BLOODBOND!!!!

Miles just not arguing it, as soon as Wynn says she needs it he just does it.

Also reciprocal bloodbond. 👀 What does that mean?

I do get Johnny's weird look, because Miles is not necessarily the logical one to talk to her, if you don't know her bloodbond to Miles.

Also side note I found the perfect way to describe the vibes I get of Pieterzoon (yes it is only after his death that I realise I have been writing his name wrong all this time. A fucking Dutch name and I still write it wrong!) and how pathetic he is and I wanted to share since I probably won't get another chance to: He's the kind of guy that is so eager during sex but comes after like a minute, then cries and asks if it was as good for you as it was for him, and then promptly falls asleep.

[ryuichirou]

Hey I recently read your opinion on leona, I adore leona but your analysis on his is everything me and my friends have been saying! I honestly don't think his character is there except for older fans ,since he is 20, to be attracted to. Can I ask your opinion on characters like Jamil? I personally think his hate twords kalim is misguided as it's not kalims fault that they are in the positions they are in. I also wanna know what you think of vil! I have a pretty negative look on him since he seems to be so egotistical and it's almost as if he decides what is proper or beautiful and what isn't. That just rubs me the wrong way, like it feels wrong! Oh! Call me 👾anon!

Hi, 👾Anon! Sorry for the late reply. Whenever I get asks like this one, I always end up replying like a week late, because I really want to collect my thoughts and make sure that I’ve said everything that I wanted to say… And since I love both Jamil and Vil very much and am quite passionate about talking about both of them, this is probably going to be quite a long reply lol, I hope that’s fine with you. In any case, thank you for giving me an opportunity to talk about them, I’ll do my best to reply to you properly.

First of all, I’m glad to hear that you agree with my points on Leona despite being his fan. It is unfortunate that he underdelivers as a character, because he does have potential, but oh well. I also think that you made a good point here – he does seem to be quite popular in that particular side of fandom. Not saying that this is a bad thing necessarily, just not our thing, I guess.

Alright, about Jamil.

I’ve talked about Kalim and Jamil’s relationships in this reply, so sorry if I repeat myself. I really love how difficult their situation is. In my opinion, it’s the situation when no one is really guilty, but at the same time both of them kind of are to some extent.

I agree that Jamil’s hatred towards Kalim is misguided, but at the same time think that it’s easily understandable, maybe even justified to some degree, simply because in Jamil’s eyes Kalim symbolizes the thing he actually hates – the unfair system that forced their roles on them. And Kalim is a direct beneficiary of the said system and participates in it, even though there is absolutely no malice in this fact from Kalim’s side, this is just the way he was raised, he doesn’t even fully realise how harmful this whole situation is for Jamil. This is exactly why he is so heartbroken when he finds out about Jamil’s true feelings about him and about their relationship; he’s so deeply upset by it that he completely ignores the fact that Jamil’s just betrayed him and yeeted him to the edge of the Earth. Kalim feels so guilty and so bad for Jamil, he blames his own obliviousness and his own naivety that he never noticed that. But I don’t think it would be fair to point fingers at Kalim and say “how could you not notice that? Everything is your fault”: once again, this is how he was raised.

Still, even though after that shocking revelation Kalim is eager to change their relationship with Jamil and proposes to him to stop being his servant right away, this problem won’t be fixed that easily, even if Jamil would’ve agreed to it. The system is very difficult to break: both of them are stuck in it indefinitely, and Jamil knows it. That’s why Jamil’s go-to is to aim all his bitterness and anger at Kalim, who basically owns him.

Of course, Kalim is a sweetheart. And he is definitely not the worst master a servant could have: even though he’s clumsy, naïve, a little dumb, very unreliable and spoiled, he is extremely kind and gentle, fun-loving and overall nice. Even if he lacks the understanding to fully get how severe the gap between him and Jamil is, he loves him dearly and appreciates him, as well as acknowledges all the things that Jamil does for him. And once he realises just how hurt Jamil is, he is very eager to do anything to make him feel better.

But it doesn’t change the fact that Jamil had to hide in Kalim’s shadow since they were kids, had to devote his entire life to Kalim, and had to endanger himself constantly because of Kalim. Kalim is nice and it wasn’t him who forced Jamil into this position, but Jamil’s life is still miserable because of Kalim.

Both of them have much growing up to do; they need to communicate better and to handle this problem together. It’s unfair to blame everything on Kalim, and Jamil should probably get over his grudge, because it takes him nowhere: we’ve all seen how horribly his evil plan in Chapter 4 went. But I still think his feelings are understandable. And Kalim has a lot of things he should probably reflect on as well.

I really love these two.

So yeah, about Vil… Vil, Vil, Vil. My beautiful misunderstood swan lol

Please don’t think that I’m dissing you or any other person for that matter, Anon, but I feel like a lot of people didn’t fully get Vil’s motivation and what the main theme in Chapter 5 was. It was about beauty, but it wasn’t really about any specific beauty standard one has to oblige to be a valid human being. Of course, Vil promotes beauty-care, wears make-up and high heels, but I don’t think this is the ultimate factor he judges other people by. The focus of his story is self-presentation, self-expression and art.

Vil is not only a very beautiful person who does a lot to keep himself beautiful (according to what he himself thinks he wants to look like, please note that he doesn’t really fit an appearance standard for his gender and age: he is a 18 year old boy dressing up as someone’s evil step-mother, for Pete’s sake), he is also a hard-working actor, model and dancer, and who wants to be perceived and appreciated as such, as well as being acknowledged for the amount of effort that goes into achieving that.

During Vil’s flashback scene, some comments the staff members made while discussing Vil and Neige were that Vil is just “way too beautiful and perfect to fit the role of a relatable protagonist”, not verbatim, but something along those lines. So, the problem isn’t really that Neige is prettier than Vil in any way; the problem is that Neige is perceived by others in a completely different light. While Vil is the main character (an antagonist), Vil is celebrated for his beauty and acting skills, called professional, which is a high praise, but not what Vil wants – he keeps being put inside that box that he just can’t get out of.

So Vil, who is very used to working hard to achieve his goals, does the best thing he can do: works even harder, hoping to become a star for the first time in his life. But the thing is, one can’t control the way others perceive them, and one can’t control the way their art is interpreted.

This is like the whole idea behind this chapter: the only thing you can control is whether or not you’re satisfied with your own work. Others might dismiss you even if you work hard, or they can praise you even if you’re dissatisfied with your work, or they might even choose some other person even though you think you deserve it more. Fame is fickle, the way others see you is also fickle, so you shouldn’t  look for other’s approval and shine the way you want to shine. This is Vil’s “beauty” that Rooks wants to protect so much: the way Vil loves theatre, loves performing, loves expressing himself with such passion and honesty.

And as a hard-working person and a huge perfectionist, Vil is strict both to himself and to others. Especially when he’s leading a dancing group, like, he was pretty brutal to other kids with the way he controlled their diet and schedule. But there is a combination of two things we need to keep in mind: first of all, Vil does all of this (dieting, exercising, sleeping schedule, skincare, etc) everyday anyways, so he naturally assumes that others won’t die if they stop whining for a moment and try living like him for a couple of weeks (doesn’t mean he’s right, but still, this is just the way he treats himself anyway, so he doesn’t see it as that huge of a deal); second of all, Vil wasn’t really alright during this whole preparation for the competition period. He was so focused on winning over Neige, it literally resulted in him overblotting because the stakes (and he set them himself!) were way too high and he snapped. So yeah, Vil isn’t perfect, but what I love about him is that he owned up to everything he’d done and actually took responsibility for how brutal their training was. I think the only other person to own up to his mistakes like this was, I don’t know, Riddle probably?

What I love about Vil and Epel’s conflict is how nuanced it is. I’ve said it already: Vil is definitely forcing his own ideals on Epel because he desperately wants to win and thinks that he needs Epel to do so. So yeah, he makes Epel do things he doesn’t want to do. But at the same time, Epel is in the wrong too: what kind of reasoning is “well I don’t wanna do that it’s too girly and lame”? Of course Vil would get mad at that.

This is a spoiler for Chapter 6, so ignore this part if you haven’t played/read it yet, but at a certain point we find out that Rook wasn’t initially a Pomefiore student. And before he joined Pomefiore, his hair was a mess, his skin was a mess, his nails and fingers were a mess and he wore ragged clothes, simply because he didn’t care about how he looked (even though he could’ve easily at least gotten himself some new clothes, the boy is rich). This is where one might chuckle and say “lol Vil forced him to cut his hair and start wearing makeup just so they could look good together”, but this literally isn’t what has happened?? Vil was shook to his core by his looks, of course, but he never forced him to do anything. Long story short, Vil inspired him and helped him, but it was pretty much Rook’s decision first and foremost.

So with Epel, well, these two just rubbed each other the wrong way from the first ever second of their conversation. I feel that Vil thinks he should discipline Epel because of how much conservative junk he has inside of his head. It frustrated Vil, and the way Vil acts frustrated Epel, so of course they attack each other constantly. A lot of their conflict is about their mutual disagreements and difficult relationships between them, not just “well, Vil is forcing Epel to act cute because he doesn’t like village people” or something.

Vil is demanding, and as a house-warden he wants the students from his dorm to take care of themselves, and in that sense he’s a bit of an overly-strict mom at times. Which is… I don’t know, look at it however you want, I just think it’s much deeper than just a guy who’s forcing others to wear concealer. And why is it so much worse than whatever Riddle and Azul are doing, for example? Vil’s rules make more sense and are ultimately focused on self-improvement, at least. I’m saying it as someone who’s never worn make-up, by the way, and I don’t think even Vil would force me to do so lol, but I still respect him deeply. Maybe because he is, in the first place, an artist, and when you look at him that way, it’s pretty easy to see why he is so demanding and strict.

I won’t rant about this topic though, it’s way already too long of a post (and I haven’t said all the things I wanted…), but Vil is much more open-minded than people give him credit for.

So yeah, love him lol