#and their relationship esp before the main plot

[cheshiresense]

How could you pull off AiIchi??? This shocks me because you said once that you can't see them as anything but platonic. How would a relationship between them even work in your eyes? I'm intrigued. (my favourite ship is Koyonagi/Ichigo by the way, your OCs are just... impeccable. But I would forever and always read any ship you write.)

Tbf I said that back when I hadn't tried my hand at writing Aizen yet as anything more than the villain, cuz before that, Aizen basically only served as the major antagonist in every one of my Bleach fics lol. Also I think TYBW had just come out/I hadn't really looked that deeply into the plot, so I def couldn't see AiIchi working, romantically or platonically. The main reason I grew more interested in their dynamic was because of the character development Kubo gave Aizen in TYBW.

Like look at this beautiful scene:

I just feel like Aizen was both more human and a little humbled by the time TYBW rolled around, and it was Ichigo who changed his perspective. It's not like he's suddenly a good guy or anything, but I could see him and Ichigo slowly connecting with each other. And when it comes down to it, those two actually aren't so different.

And after I did get into TYBW, I wrote the Ichigo & Aizen TBTP time travel AU, and they are platonic there, and then I wrote the UraIchi + potential future UraIchiAi fic, so now I can probably swing it if the fic happens to develop that way.

But like I said for this AU, Aizen would need his future memories for it to be an AiIchi end game, esp since this is an AU where they had an extended Quincy War so they would've had like eight extra years fighting together. They weren't friends by the end of it but they had something of an understanding at least. As it is, I'm still not sure whether I want to make him an ally or just have Ichigo and Starrk kill him off. Like on one hand, he would be really useful against Yhwach, basically the three of them would be the major powerhouses in that conflict, but at the same time, idk how to get from current Point A to future Point B without the whole memories thing.

[mihamihoku]

/cw dead animal

I- well, long time no see huh

Soo, I kinda went aside from the fandom and watching DetCo for months and switched my attention to the uni stuff and my own OCs, so there probably won't be much activity here aside from the reblogs for some time <:") Sorry about that

But I still wanted to show a bit of things I had in my files that I didn't get to finish or. Well. I'm honestly not sure if I ever get to finish them at all. This sketch back from autumn 2022 is one of those. I still really love this idea and how the composition turned out etc, that's why I wanted to show it to ya even if I never get to finish it <:)

I liked exploring dynamic between Gin and Shiho/Haibara, and in my animal/anthro AU I had an idea of like, Gin kinda seeing her as a pest after her betrayal of BO + like a hunt object. Not like literally seeing her as a rat, but acting and relate to her as that <D More like a metaphor I think

[saintobio]

sincerely yours. (10)

↳ gojou satoru/reader

when a twist of fate led their marriage to the path of a quintessential tragic romance, two past lovers go through another series of experiences on love, heartbreak, identity, illness, and trauma along the road to a happily ever after. 

genre. heavy angst, amnesia, modern au, 18+ 

tags/warnings. depression, intoxication, trauma, implied suicide attempt, toxic relationships,

notes. important announcement ! as you all know, this series has always had an extensive approach into detailing the events in its side stories (ie. sera x sukuna x naoya, yuuji x megumi, maki x yuuta x miwa, etc), but while writing the chapters, the word count and the plot building had become too exhausting for me to produce consistently, esp with the amount of scenes and side stories i was introducing to the story, so i've decided it's best for me to stick to the main characters, reader & gojo, and will only add side stories as necessary. this really hurts me knowing that i can't achieve the level of comprehensive writing and world building that i did for sincerely not, but i really want to finish sy as soon as possible and removing a chunk of side stories would be some of the things that'd help me achieve that 😭 i hope you guys understand. hopefully i'll figure out a way to write those side stories instead of completely abandoning them mid-way in this series. but as always, thanks for ur continued support <3

series masterlist -> episode eleven

“It’s a little weird.”

What was supposed to be her bed time had turned into a moment of reflection for Sera who, instead of being fast asleep at this time of the night, had unconsciously brought herself inside Sukuna’s home office to join the up-and-coming tech mogul in his late-night programming. 

She wore her silk pajamas, pacing back and forth in her boyfriend’s office as her mind flew back to the recent encounter she had with her ex-boyfriend. Who knew that Satoru’s kid would look just like a carbon copy of him? No, actually, the question should be: who knew it would be a different woman by his side acting as the mother of his child? Sera had to laugh at herself, shaking her head as she realized how truly and undeniably ridiculous her ex was. It was clear that day that he wasn’t really as loyal of a partner as he claimed himself to be. 

Did he really just go through all those crazy things with you, only to look like a whore-hopping fool now? 

If he was bound to end up with someone else other than you, then why did he have to make Sera’s life miserable in the first place? 

She may have done terrible things before as a selfish and materialistic lover of his, but that wouldn’t change the fact that Satoru also contributed to her role as the side-piece in his marital relationship. He allowed her to cling to him like a mistress. Being his side-piece wasn’t even something that she had forced upon him. It was his promise, an idea that he planted on Sera’s head, saying that she would need to stay by his side and that he would marry her guaranteed that he had already secured the merger and divorced you. He swore like a fool that he would divorce you. But guess what? The jerk ended up falling in love with his wife and suddenly had no use of Sera. Suddenly, he was such a good husband who couldn’t be more loyal. Suddenly, he was a lovestruck man who had always been in love with his childhood friend. If he had downright dumped Sera the moment his engagement was announced, if he had not been prideful and ambitious since the beginning of his marriage, he probably would have had better luck at having that healthy relationship he yearned from you. 

But how come the blame of being the third-party was all on Sera when her only mistake then was loving the person who promised her all the good things in life? 

Now, you see, this was all just bitterness brewing at the back of her head. She knew what she did was still wrong and that she wasn’t innocent. Sera swore to herself that she would never look back on those awful days ever again, but seeing how Satoru was running around freely with a different woman just reminded Sera of his days as a spiteful, two-timing man. Somehow, it felt like he had changed and yet didn’t at all. 

Ha ha ha. How ridiculous was that? 

“What’s funny?” asked Sukuna, her present boyfriend and thankfully so. He was Sera’s blessing, because she never would have thought that a man like him could still exist in a world full of Satoru’s and Naoya’s. “You look cute smiling to yourself, though.”

“I know,” she responded to the compliment, shifting to settle herself on his lap, though his attention remained fixed on his laptop screen. “It's just strange to me,” she continued, her voice thoughtful, “how Gojou appears his usual self, yet there's something off about him.”

The question clouded Sukuna’s eyes in confusion, tilting his head to the side as he tried to comprehend her description. “You mean dude got uglier?”

I wish, Sera thought. “No, he’s… he’s different. The vibes are different. For a second, he even looked like he was dissociating the whole time he was with that girl,” she said, referring to Satoru’s new girl as though she was your cheap alternative, “But then again, why is he with her in the first place if he looks absent-minded the whole time, you know what I mean?” 

“Was he like that with you before?” 

“At times, but it’s not like the way he’s acting right now… I don’t know, I can’t explain it. The energy is off. That’s just not how he acts when he’s really, really into someone.”

To be honest, Sukuna didn’t give a damn about Satoru Gojou’s life and any normal boyfriend wouldn’t really like hearing their girlfriend talking about another man, especially her ex at that, but he knew Sera found joy in old money gossip and he was aware of the demoralizing past she has had by associating herself with them. Sukuna was acting all engaged in their conversation because he wanted to make her feel heard and that he shared her simple joys in life. Besides, it was through her that he learned so many inside scoops about the people that ran the country’s biggest conglomerates. It was like watching one heck of a messy episode of Dynasty. 

“Didn’t he get into a car accident?” he recalled, remembering the headlines on the news that day, “Then, we saw him at the expo and he couldn’t really remember you. The guy’s probably got his head all messed up.” 

Sera was bitter at the time thinking that Satoru was toying with her when he asked who she was, when the truth was, he was actually diagnosed with amnesia. It was such a shock to her, truthfully, because having amnesia felt like something you would only see on a movie’s screen. Well, in that case, she could also say karma’s a bitch. The director might be onto something here.

“He’s probably not mentally fine, but still…” she thought carefully and played the scene in her head again. What was it about the Gojou that she saw the other day that was different? “He just has a different vibe to him that it feels uncomfortable. It’s like he’s rude, but not so rude? He doesn’t have much of a personality anymore. Like a complete stranger.”

“Maybe it’s the new girl rubbing off on him.” Sukuna was back to typing on his laptop as he said that. Frankly, he was just saying anything at this point. 

Sera shook her head in response. “Well, I don’t know about that girl he’s seeing and I don’t really care, but it’s common knowledge to the filthy rich that she’s Y/N’s best friend. That’s why I recognized her right away, and that’s why it disgusted me,” she pressed on, “Tell me, would you—and be honest about this—would you fuck your best friend’s ex?” 

The humor on her boyfriend’s face came right as she asked that. “Babe, you fucked a married man. It’s worse than fucking somebody’s ex.” 

“Shut up.” Rolling her eyes, she got up from his lap and sighed, but Sukuna wasted no time in pulling her back onto his lap. His chuckle was mingling with the gentle kiss he had planted on her cheek, unaware that his actions made Sera’s heart flutter. “Forget it. I shouldn’t even be talking about Satoru with you.”

The man stretched his arms and finally closed his laptop, patting Sera’s thigh afterwards. “On that note, I do have another ‘dude from your past’ that I gotta meet tomorrow.” 

Her reaction alone was a response for him. “Naoya?” she protested, face contorting with disgust. “What for? I told you not to take on that project.”

“Yeah, I considered it, and you know, the partnership could really benefit CleaveTech,” Sukuna reasoned, leaning back as he outlined the situation to her from a business standpoint. Given her own background working for the Gojou Group before, he expected her to grasp the significance of this partnership and set aside any personal grievances or emotional attachments. “The Zen'in Group is a major client. It’s all pros and no cons here.”

“The contra is the guy you’re gonna work with,” she highlighted with a hint of annoyance rising from her throat, “Naoya is nothing but an opportunistic motherfucker. Mind you, he’s a stupid elitist, too.” 

He held back a laugh, not even threatened by a man who had a terrible history with his girlfriend. “Nah, I’ll deal with him. Just trust me on this.” 

As much as Sera wanted to object, she knew Sukuna had a point and that she really shouldn’t hinder his company from being partnered with such a large conglomerate. She just didn’t like the thought of her boyfriend being around a man who manipulated and humiliated her to the point where she had been blacklisted by multiple companies, leaving her to resort to being somewhat of a prostitute just to make ends meet. 

The world was harsh for the not-so-rich, and all Sera wanted was to give those upper class people a taste of their own medicine. But seeing as her desire for revenge would clash with her boyfriend’s chance at company growth, she had to set aside her personal grudge and support him on this one.  

Still, there was nothing wrong with being curious. “Is there any other reason you agreed to this partnership?”

Sukuna smirked as if he expected that question from her. “Blame it on my little brother, he’s been bugging me ‘bout it.”

“Yuuji?” Sera asked, clearly confused. 

To which her boyfriend quickly answered, “Yeah. He said it’ll give him an opportunity to work with his best friend. You know that kid, Fushiguro, right?” 

Ahh. Toji’s kid aka the heir to the Zen’in business empire. Sera had met Megumi before, and while that other brat Mai used to be unreasonably rude to her, the younger boy was always civil and respectful at least. He never even once treated Sera like dirt when she was spending time with Naoya at their mansion. Perhaps their upbringing really differed because he was raised by Toji and the other Zen’ins were raised by demons. 

Nevertheless, with a connection now established between Sukuna and Naoya through Yuuji and Megumi, Sera couldn’t help but feel that her peaceful days as a nouveau riche were about to become far more intriguing. Depending on the cards she would choose to play, they could even turn into a living nightmare. 

— —

You weren’t exactly abandoning your company; you were merely taking a break, a necessary pause given your current mental state after the whole break-up with Toji and the Osaka thing. Your mind was just too overwhelmingly occupied to even properly function. Each day, mustering the energy to show up at Hearte's head office became increasingly challenging, especially when faced with individuals who relied on you for major decisions and creative direction. 

To make matters worse, Akemi’s sudden resignation hit hard.

You received her decision by a simple letter, a mere piece of paper, without even having the guts and decency to meet with you in person. Was she scared? Or was this her way of rubbing salt on the wound, shoving it in your face that she was now taking things to the next level with your ex-husband? 

She did cite in her resignation letter that her reason for resigning from the role was due to conflict of interest. You wanted to laugh when you read that part. No, you wanted to choke in your fit of laughter after reading through her asinine reasons. She could have been upfront and mentioned that the so-called ‘conflict’ was the very man her best friend had previously married. 

Obviously, everyone in the office felt sad knowing that a core member of the company left without at least a 30-day notice, but they were all also aware that her resignation was due to personal albeit controversial reasons. Did Akemi not care about her image at all? The same colleagues she had trained, managed, and collaborated with would now likely gossip about her behind her back. She would become a hot topic of disrespect among the people that once heavily respected her. Did she also not care about the company you two created together anymore? This was the same company you two had passionately dreamed of during your late-night conversations on a New York rooftop. She was the one who wanted to build a fashion house together with you.

Yet, it seemed she was willing to throw it all away for a man already entangled in complicated familial dynamics. Her immediate resignation and refusal to speak to you in person just further confirmed it to you that Akemi was willing to forsake your friendship by choosing a man who already had a child with someone else. 

Since she chose that path, you couldn’t help but interpret Akemi’s actions as a deliberate slight against your friendship. It seemed clear that she no longer viewed you as a friend and was essentially cutting ties with you. Otherwise, why would she take such a step? Akemi wasn’t the type to be vindictive; she likely believed she was sparing you further pain by severing your connection. However, regardless of her intentions, her actions felt deeply disrespectful and hurtful.

If this was what she wanted, then kudos to her and her unbelievable confidence to choose a man like Satoru Gojou. Besides, it didn’t even take you a week to find another replacement. Your family connections were powerful after all. You readily had a pool of potential candidates for the role of the Head of Sales, Retail, and Merchandising—all from prestigious backgrounds and unparalleled expertise. While the competition was tough, you selected the person you deemed was the most qualified to be your second-in-command. This was someone you had esteemed since college, a person who excelled in both business acumen and creative vision.

Yuki Tsukumo. She was influential in every sense, and you trusted that she would be able to manage the high pressure environment of a start-up fashion house and transform it into an iconic brand, a household name that would one day rival Chanel and Miu Miu. 

You may have succeeded in replacing Akemi. You may have shown her that her position in the workforce was easily replaceable, but her role as your friend still left a lingering, repugnant mark that proved far more difficult to erase. This underlying sentiment could explain the unreasonable anger festering in your heart—a visceral reaction born from feelings of backstabbing betrayal. 

It was hard enough for you to travel all the way to Osaka with a broken heart, but it became much more agonizing to watch your own son run up to Akemi like she was his mother. It was a goddamn slap to your face, indeed, to see that your ex-husband had already chosen a woman to have his happy, little family with. That he wanted to be a good man and be everything you wished for in a husband for her. 

As they say, nothing hurts more than building a man for another woman. 

And honestly? You cried so much on the way home that you became numb. Now, you were just trying to get over it. You were trying to bury the searing pain in order to forget the betrayal you felt. It was all too much for a person to handle and it wasn’t like you hadn’t gone through the same old shit before. Wasn’t it worse before with Satoru actually cheating and all? He technically wasn’t crossing any lines here, so it shouldn’t hurt you. It shouldn’t. You had been here before. If you had managed to get through such an awful time as his previous wife, his relationship with Akemi shouldn’t be too hard to accept. No, you weren’t trying to lowball your pain, but it was better to be an optimist in this situation than be a suicidal, self-destructive person. You had a business to run and a child to raise. You had to be strong. 

Or at least, that was what you told yourself. That was what you had been telling yourself over and over, each time you got up from bed forcing yourself to have a false positive mindset. In fact, that was also why you had to take this extended break because you had to have your peace of mind. You had to have some form of release to remember why you needed to stay alive and keep yourself going.

Not just for Sachiro’s sake, but also for your own. 

Your safe haven for now was at the horse ranch, where the tranquility of riding and the beauty of nature provided the perfect ambiance for reflection. How long has it been since your last visit to Willow? Your father had been joking that you shouldn’t be leaving a beautiful, white Friesian horse unattended for years, especially not for the expensive price he paid her for. True enough, because the moment you saw the mare again, you almost forgot how majestic she was for her breed. Willow was a completely docile and graceful horse, so alike to you in many ways. However, one thing that was unlike you, was that she lived in peace, existing solely for herself and not for anyone else.

If only you could be like her. 

As you reached out to stroke your rare-breed horse, a new and unfamiliar stallion in the stable caught your eye. To think of it, your family shared this equestrian estate with the Gojou family. This realization meant that the strikingly elegant and tall gray horse in the adjacent stall belonged to none other than Satoru.

“It’s a Thoroughbred,” the equine caretaker informed while guiding your horse out of the stable, “Mr. Satoru got him recently and named him Six.” 

A gray Thoroughbred, renowned as the most expensive horse breeds out there. It could fetch a price as high as $70 million, and of course, Satoru was the perfect owner for such a prestigious horse. The stallion embodied his essence completely—its color, its build, its rarity. On the other hand, you couldn’t help but find his naming convention by number a bit odd. His previous black stallion was named Eight. This time around, it was Six. Couldn’t he be more imaginative?

“He’s beautiful,” you mumbled, nonetheless, in awe with the regality of the horse. 

“He’s a good boy, too,” added the enthusiastic horsekeeper in a thick country accent, “Mr. Satoru was here yesterday and played polo while riding him. They were perfectly in sync even if it was his first time riding him.”

Of course, he would play polo. That was one of his favorite recreational sports. The burning question at hand was, who was with him during his visit? Because if the caretaker mentioned Akemi, you would certainly lose it. This was your private space with him. This estate was a place that none of his other women had access to, not even Sera. This was a location filled with memories from your childhood. For him to bring another woman here would be crossing the damn line. 

“Did he bring anyone with him?” you asked, trying to sound casual as you dusted off your boots. 

The caretaker denied. “No, he was alone. He just came to play polo and check the horses he recently bought.” 

Oh… “He bought more than one?” 

Did he seriously get Akemi her own horse? Your heart was racing at the thought, but the caretaker led you to the stable near the exit to show you the other horse than your ex-husband had purchased. It was a brown Shetland pony. 

“He got a fully trained Shetland for your son,” the horsekeeper proudly declared, showcasing the pony as if he had been instructed to do so in anticipation of your visit. It was obvious that Gojou had already briefed him on introducing Sachiro’s new pony to you because he knew you would be asking about it. “His name is Elmo. He is kid-safe and very friendly.”

Frankly, you wanted to sigh in relief, but at the same time, it warmed your heart to know that Satoru got his son his own horse at such a young age. You could already sense him planning to make Sachiro take equestrian classes when he gets older, and probably join him on his horseback riding sessions, too. You could imagine just how perfect it would be to see the father and son bonding here, racing together, playing polo together… yet it would not be you who would be watching them on the side.  

This future he was setting up with his son would be an experience he would share with Akemi. 

There was no you in that vision anymore. 

The caretaker likely questioned your sanity when he noticed the bitter smile on your face as you mounted your mare. He might have even doubted whether you were sane enough to ride alone, without a guide, particularly through the woods since Willow had not been ridden for some time now. However, you had done it countless times before and were quite familiar with the trail, and so you dismissed his offer to lead you and assured him confidently that you knew your way back.

You needed this solitude. You craved this moment of peace, alone with your thoughts and surrounded by nature, to reflect on the ceaseless torture of your life. It was just never-ending, squeezing every drop of happiness out of your system to make sure that you would only live to suffer. You really thought you had your happy ending with someone else? You actually believed you had found the perfect man to be your actual husband? 

Well, unfortunately for you, Toji was not the one. 

At first, your mind flew to Toji as you went on to the trail, allowing the mare to continue trotting as you held the reins to control her. You remembered Toji’s text that morning, asking you for the hundredth time if he could meet with you. He likely wanted to apologize in person, but you doubted he would change his mind and take back the things he said. Because they were true. He could never fill the void left by his deceased wife by being with another empty soul. It was painfully, unmistakably true. You were better off dead if that was the case, because even if you did end up marrying him, you would never be regarded as the person he loved the most. After all, your role in this world seemed to always be the second option. You were never the first in other people’s books. Not with your ex-husband. Not even with your family, especially with Gen around. You were meant to be a bystander, watching others live their perfect lives while you were forced to be in your misery. Someone like Toji would not have a guaranteed blissful marriage with you and you had to spare him from that. You had to draw the line and step back from this charade that you were playing with him, knowing that you were never the right person to be with him, so at some point, you had to accept his drunken words. They came from a place of truth, and that truth would set the both of you free. 

Even it hurt. Even if it fucking hurt to hear his words. You couldn’t deny them. 

You could easily forgive him, but his words might take a while for you to forget because even thinking about it now was bringing a wave of pain into your chest. You didn’t even notice that you were losing control on Willow’s reins by the time you entered further into the woods, bouncing on the saddle as you galloped along the challenging path. With the speed you were riding right now, inexperienced riders would certainly find it unsafe and scary. But for you? It was just what you needed. The breeze of fresh air, the thrill of riding alone, the peaceful sound of nature—you could die there and be at your happiest. 

Maybe that was where you had to be; to disappear and leave them all behind. Wouldn’t that be best for everyone? If you were to vanish, they could finally be free. Your presence, even from the beginning, was a burden for everyone—for your dad, Gen, Satoru, Toji, and even Akemi. The people you trusted the most would be the same people who would secretly celebrate your demise. So, what else was hindering you from taking matters into your own hands and ending it all yourself?

“Giddy up!” 

Was it Sachiro? Definitely. But now he had his father, and he was likely starting to see Akemi as a mother figure as well. Your role as his beloved mama could be easily replaced if you were to leave him now. It wouldn’t hurt him as much that way. Three years with Sachiro seemed sufficient enough, and he was at an age where he could grow up alongside his father. In this short span, he would have lasting memories with you, yet not enough to deeply grieve your absence. He was a young child, surrounded by people who would offer the whole world to him. At least, for that, you were eternally grateful. It brought you comfort knowing that your son would have support after you were gone, and that he would find a mother figure in Akemi. Given the brief time he spent with you and the rest of his life with her as his stepmother, Sachiro would likely come to love and accept Akemi as his own mother. This was the best outcome you could hope for.

My child, my son, my baby… please don’t get mad at mommy. 

Tears were gushing out of your eyes and you hadn’t even realized it until they started blurring your vision. You were far too lost in your own thoughts, unaware that you were now in an unfamiliar and seemingly dangerous part of the trail. The path was getting a little bit too steep and poor Willow was clearly stressed at your inconsiderate handling. There were multiple obstacles on your rocky terrain and you weren’t as steady and controlled as you wanted to be because the horse wasn’t comfortable navigating such a difficult path with the pace you were forcing her to.  

“Ah!” 

Your attempt to balance was interrupted by Willow’s loud neigh, signaling her distress before she bolted into a full rampage. She was sprinting at an estimated speed of 20 miles per hour. Not even a skilled rider like Satoru himself would be cantering that fast on unfamiliar terrain and an unfit horse. But you, you clearly had a death wish, because instead of fearing for your own life, you were far more concerned at the thought of how dreamy Satoru and Akemi’s wedding would look like after your demise. They would definitely make Sachiro their ringbearer. Suguru would be the best man. Shoko, the maid of honor. People on the internet would praise them for being an attractive couple. They would anticipate their beautiful kids together, living in the same mansion he bought as a gift to you. He would kiss her good night, tell her loves her, and offer the whole world to her. They would exchange vows and promise themselves a lifelong commitment to be by each other’s side through sickness and in health, and only in death would they part. 

“Willow!” 

You let out a shriek as the reins slipped from your grasp, causing you to tumble off the saddle and crash onto the ground. The impact was first felt in your elbow, and a sharp, searing pain then radiated through your body. There you lay, sprawled on the dirt, helplessly watching Willow galloping out of control up the mountain, and then tragically plummeting off a cliff.

“Nooo! Willow, no!”

Utter hysteria overtook you. You sobbed uncontrollably, unable to determine which pain was more agonizing—the clearly broken elbow, the loss of the horse you had inadvertently led to its death, or the heart-wrenching reality of Satoru starting a family with someone else.

You were pathetic. You were such a pathetic excuse of a human being and this was why you deserve hell. 

“Willow!” 

Toji couldn’t love you. Your own son didn’t want to be around you. Satoru had gotten over you. And now, you drove a poor innocent horse to its demise because of your recklessness! 

You were crying hysterically as you held your pained elbow, crawling by the cliff’s edge as you screamed for your horse’s name, but in the end, there was nothing you could do. You could only apologize to poor Willow for having such an irresponsible owner, and now she was dead because of you. 16 years of her life, she was able to live in peace until you came and ruined it all for her. It should have been you. You were the one who should have jumped off a cliff. You should atone for your sins and follow her, but you were too weak, far to overcome by the excruciating pain on your hip and your broken elbow to move or do anything at all. 

That was, until your mind had completely shut down, leaving you as a mere body to be discarded alone in the darkness of the woods. You hoped that no one else would find you soon. 

— —

“A-Angina?” Satoru’s eyes went wide. His whole world stopped before him.

“Yes. She was diagnosed with stable angina,” Dr. Mori confirmed, much to your husband’s horror. “But there is another factor that requires her to have more rest. You need to take good care of your wife, Mr. Gojou. Her body needs a lot of nutrients so she can carry safely.”

He could barely process the whole thing in his head because the news kept coming one after another, leaving him in a befuddled state with a flood of unanswered questions running through his mind. “What do you mean…?”

“Your wife is seven weeks pregnant.”

��

…

“Y/N?”

“Y/N!”

“Are you out of your mind?!” 

You could barely pry your eyes open, but when you finally managed to, you were met with the concerned expression on Gen’s face. The harsh glare of fluorescent lights and the antiseptic scent confirmed to you that you were in the ER, likely an hour or two after the incident in the woods. The memory of the trail quickly flooded your thoughts, and a pang of sorrow gripped your heart as you recalled Willow's final moments before she fell off the cliff. The poor horse had lost her life, while the one responsible for her tragic death remained alive, save for the bandage wrapped around your arm.

“Why did you ride into the woods alone?” Gen persisted with her barrage of questions, standing by your bed as you attempted to sit up. “Are you suicidal or what? Riding your horse in a dangerous trail like that—”

“You know what, maybe I should have just died back there!” you snapped, wincing from the pain in your elbow. Her choice of words struck a nerve in you. “Maybe I’d prefer that over sitting here, listening to your sanctimonious lecture like you're so perfect yourself! How obnoxious.”

“Then, maybe you shouldn’t be riding so recklessly and causing alarm to everyone else!” 

“Did I literally ask you to come save me?!” 

The atmosphere around you two just became even more uninviting, with discomfiting silence seeping through as you and Gen were engaged in a sharp glaring contest. Your father stood behind her, clearing his throat to cut the tension. 

“That’s enough, Gen.” Your dad placed a hand on her shoulder, and although she wanted to protest, she knew better not to keep stirring the pot after receiving his strict gaze. “Let’s just be thankful your sister is safe. There’s no need to be so overwhelming.” 

You rolled your eyes, drawing in a deep breath before you looked away from them. None of them would ever understand your pain unless they were in your position. They didn’t carry the same baggage as you, so they would never fully comprehend the weight of your suffering. You had already dealt with similar pain on your own before and that was why you didn’t need any of them to come to your aid, meddling with your life like they knew exactly what you were going through. “Just leave me alone, you guys. I wanna rest.”

Since when did your relationship with your sister start to get rough? It wasn’t really like this before, but ever since she started to become too overprotective over you and your choices in life, particularly choices linked to Satoru, Gen had started to become insufferable in your eyes. She was acting too much like a mother; controlling your decisions, lecturing you about your personal relationships, being too involved with your private life. There, ever since that, you started to distance yourself from her, and she didn’t like that. Her stubbornness wouldn’t allow her to cease acting like this mature, picture perfect big sister to you. 

With that said, Gen would have normally gotten annoyed when you asked them to leave you alone, but this time around, she seemed to have reflected on her insensitivity a lot better with your father around. “I’m sorry, okay?” she said, her tone still tinged with stubbornness, “I just got worried. I don’t know what’s gotten into you to put yourself in danger like that, but… please, Y/N. If you’re going through something, you can always speak to us. Dad and I, we’re here for you.” 

To be fair, if you had to put yourself in their shoes, it really would have been alarming to know that your sister almost died. This wasn’t the first time you were at death’s door either, so they were probably scared shitless when they were informed of your situation. Your absolutely reckless situation. You didn’t mean to cause a scene, neither did you intend to bother them on their already busy schedules. You just had so many things in your mind while you were horseback riding, too engulfed by your own sorrow that you didn’t realize the repercussions after the incident had already taken place. 

“I’m sorry, too.” Your voice softened with humility. “I didn’t mean to worry you guys. It was just really an accident.” 

Of course, Gen suspected it was more than just an accident. Your dad did, too. It was obvious on their forlorn faces that they were worried for your mental and emotional well-being, but none of them dared address the elephant in the room. It seemed they didn’t need to, anyway, since one of the many reasons that contributed to your earlier breakdown took a peek from behind the curtains, clearing his throat and sending you a look of sympathy. 

“Y/N?” Toji looked at your father and your sister for approval before stepping further inside your space in the ER. “Can I talk to you?” 

There was no escaping Toji’s presence anymore. No more hiding, no more avoiding. You knew you had to have this talk with him no matter how many times you ignored his flood of texts and calls. While this may have struck as an opportune moment for him to speak to you in person, facing the painful truth of your situation weighed heavily on you. Besides, hadn’t the irony presented itself right there? If Satoru were the one trying to speak to you, even if he was the father of your child, Gen would have been quick to lash out at him. Yet with Toji, even with the general knowledge of what had transpired between you two, your sister still showed no hostility towards him, allowing him to approach you freely and without interference.

But then again, Toji was far from being a cheating, manipulative scumbag who not only caused you suffering but also sought to selfishly acquire your family’s company. Therefore, he wasn’t considered a threat. 

Alright, then. Since Toji genuinely wasn’t a threat to your current emotional state, you agreed to talk with him. It was the first time you had seen the not-so-confident side of Toji Zen’in. He was typically a man of virtue, often holding his chin high, offering the best advice, and having insightful perspectives on life. However, it seemed you had shattered that confidence in him. You could sense his cautiousness around you as he stood by your side in the ER, assisting you with your needs, and eventually agreeing to your request to walk you to the rooftop garden.

“I don’t really think there’s anything else we should talk about.” It was you who first broke the silence, staring at the cityscape while sitting on a wheelchair. The calm breeze allowed your mind to seize the moment with a peaceful mind. “I already heard what you had to say.” 

Toji found it better to kneel down in front of you to meet your eyes as he spoke to you in a sincere and earnest voice. “Y/N, I was drunk when I said all that shit back there. I didn’t mean them. I didn’t mean to hurt you with my callous words, and I feel awful that you had to hear them from me. You trusted me. You sought comfort from me. I wasn’t thinking like a normal person when those things came out of my mouth.” 

“That doesn’t mean they weren’t true,” you replied with quiet resignation. It was the acceptance in your face that seemed to have caused Toji’s heartbroken gaze. “It’s okay, Toji. I think, when you said all those things, it actually made me realize some aspects of our relationship that had to be addressed. It made me more self-aware and it opened my eyes on the bigger picture.” You touched his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze as you mustered the courage to speak your next words. “It’s for the best that we part ways. It’s not fair to me to become a placeholder for your wife the same way it isn’t fair to you to have to deal with my ex-husband always being present in my life. Our unresolved feelings won’t really be resolved by being together.”

“Y/N…” Toji’s voice hinted at his vulnerable emotions, though he restrained himself from showing it fully. And you didn’t miss the apologetic look he had presented to you. “Despite all that, I hope you know that I’d been true to you. I do love you and will always love you. I’ll always be someone you can rely on, someone you can seek comfort from, someone you can turn to when you need help…” 

Damn it. Why did he have to make it sound like an actual break up? Now, it tugged at your heartstrings and hit you in a place it shouldn’t have. You weren’t good at these things and it certainly was your first time dealing with such a mature and mutual separation, but wasn’t that a good thing? No further drama was to happen, leaving a stark comparison to your separation with Satoru. While this one didn’t hurt as much, it still brought a hollow feeling in your chest. 

“Same for me,” you agreed, displaying a weak smile. “You’ll always have a spot in my heart, Toji. I’ll always be grateful that I met you.” 

Sometimes, two people didn’t need to be together to love each other. Friendships could still thrive between ex-lovers, and that was why closure was so important. It not only closed a certain chapter of your life in a healthy way, but also allowed you to heal and open yourselves to a new beginning without any bitterness left behind. 

It shouldn’t be considered bad to remain friends with an ex. It also shouldn’t be bad to give a parting kiss from said ex, right? 

You weren’t the one who initiated it, after all. It was Toji’s hand that gently stroked your cheek. It was him, who leaned forward and pressed his lips onto yours. It wasn’t forceful, but neither was it passionate. It was simply a tender kiss of goodbye, feeling the warmth of each other’s lips for one last time before you two would transition from being lovers to friends. What you didn’t understand from this supposedly bittersweet moment was the faint tears that somehow managed to escape your eyes, perhaps because you knew that once Toji left, you would be alone again. 

You had no one by your side to love you, cherish you, choose you, and offer their entire world for you. You were meant to live this cruel world all by yourself. 

As he pulled away, he pressed his forehead against yours. “Please learn to love yourself before anyone else, Y/N. It’s what you need and what you deserve.” 

That night, while you were getting your MRI, your mind kept flying to the possibilities of a future without having anyone by your side. Any normal person would tell you to focus on loving yourself first, as Toji did recently, focusing on what matters most, and ridding yourself of the toxic things that hinder you from moving forward with your life. Things weren’t as easy as they sounded. Besides, it was different being on the receiving end of the said advice. How could you do those things when the primary cause of your pain was someone whose life would always be linked to yours forever? 

Based on the result of your MRI scans, your doctor recommended that you undergo elbow arthroscopy. It was just a minimally invasive procedure compared to open surgeries, but considering how much of an overthinker your dad was when it came to your health, he insisted on your confinement at the hospital until you had been completely cleared of any other issues. He really placed a big deal on your condition and emphasized to the doctors that they make sure nothing was missed. It could have been worse; you could have had a broken hip or a fractured leg, but at least you only had a dislocated elbow. Nothing that couldn’t be easily corrected by surgery and physical therapy. 

The decision was for you to stay there for two days, and on your first night, a crying Sachiro ran inside your private room because his ‘mama has a boo boo’. Gen said he was picked up from daycare and dropped off at the hospital because the poor kid was looking for you. She didn’t mention who dropped your son off to you, but you could tell it was Satoru. You could sense it by the glances she exchanged with Ian after you asked how Sachiro came to the hospital. 

So, in that case, Satoru must have found out about your little incident and didn’t care enough to see you. Did he not even have an ounce of care anymore? Or was it Gen who stopped him from seeing you? 

“Did you ask him to leave?” you confronted Gen in a mellow voice, rubbing Sachiro’s back as he snuggled into you on the hospital bed. 

Your sister knew exactly which man you were referring to, and she denied having done such. “No, I didn’t even talk to him. He took Sachi here and left.” 

You didn’t know why you looked at Ian to confirm the truth of his wife’s words, but hurt yourself upon seeing his bowed head. It was an apologetic expression that did signify your ex-husband’s blatant act of ignoring you. To hear about your near-death experience and simply leave without even checking on you should be your wake-up call. He didn’t care anymore. No, why should he care? He had Akemi. His only responsibility with you was to be a supportive father to your son. 

Why did the pain in your heart feel far more agonizing than the discomfort on your dislocated elbow?

If anything, you wanted to ask for the strongest anesthetic they could offer to numb your pain. You were desperate to have anything even if they had to put you into an eternal sleep. That would have been much easier to deal with than feeling disregarded by a person you supposedly had moved on from. Satoru did nothing wrong here. It was you who had that expectation, only to disappoint yourself when things didn’t happen as you imagined. 

And just when you thought things would get better as long as you ignore your torturous thoughts, it didn’t help that being in the hospital kept giving you flashbacks of the time you were in this exact room, hearing Satoru crying helplessly from outside and begging for you not to terminate his child. What comes around certainly goes back around. Or worse. 

Such depressive thoughts had you occupied throughout your stay there, and your unusual placidness alarmed the nurses instead of being assured that you were doing well. You heard your doctors telling your father and sister to always keep a close eye on you as the incident may not seem serious, but the trauma would undoubtedly be present somewhere and somehow. Were they aware? Of your intrusive thoughts of wanting to hurt yourself? 

The elbow arthroscopy was successful and by the second day, you were free to go home. You were placed on certain medications to help with the swelling and the pain, and while you were walking around the hospital with a listless mind, you happened to pass by the Obstetrics and Gynecology Department. What a deja vu it was, remembering the time you had seen Satoru there waiting outside for Sera. Back then, it was one of the climactic events in your life that led to a domino effect on the downfall of your marriage. Not that you were reminiscing, but it did remind you that Shoko was probably there in her consultation room and it would be nice to talk to a friend who had witnessed the wild history of your marriage. 

You asked Gen to wait for you in the car while you headed to Ieiri’s consultation room, assuring your visibly worried sister that everything was fine and that you wouldn’t take too long. You had to give Gen some slack, because despite the strains in your relationship as sisters, she was still always there for you. At the end of the day, she was family. 

Shoko, on the other hand, was the next closest thing you had for a sister. She welcomed you inside her room in a very worried embrace, telling you that if she had known about the incident, she would have gone straight to your hospital room on your first day, but you told her not to worry about it and understood that being in the medical field already had her schedule tight. 

“Well, I guess it’s perfect that you’re here, too.” Shoko smiled warmly, sitting behind her desk. She had exciting news to offer, it seemed. “I just wanna say that… of course, I’ll still be sending you a formal invitation and everything. I actually have a few gifts along with it.” 

You shared her enthusiasm. “Hmm… is it what I think it is?” 

The wedding. The most eventful day of her life would be arriving soon and you were the first one to hear it. 

“Yes!” she answered, with the utmost joy coruscating from her eyes. “I want you to be my maid-of-honor, Y/N. I’d be extremely happy if you could make it. I know you just got into an accident, but it won’t be until two months, so—”

“Hey, it’s okay.” You eased her worries by chuckling. “I’m completely fine, of course I’ll be there. I can’t miss it.” 

Shoko was grateful to hear your answer, relieved even, because by asking you to be her maid-of-honor, you should already understand who Suguru’s best man would be. That was a touchy subject for you and she was keenly aware of it, but you didn’t want her to worry. You didn’t want your relationship with your ex-husband to have a negative impact on the relationship of all the other people surrounding the both of you. It was already bad enough that Shoko and Suguru almost called off their engagement after they fought over their morals as you and Satoru’s friends, and you were glad that they somehow made things work. They somehow set aside their disagreements and ultimately chose their love over anything else. 

Their love was beautiful, and while that wasn’t something you could easily have, it was something you deeply admired. 

“Where are you guys planning to hold your wedding?” you asked, steering the conversation away from any mention of your ex-husband. “Here or overseas?” 

She delighted you with her answer, sounding as if this was the perfect wedding she had always dreamed of. “It’s an intimate wedding on the lakeside. Suguru chose the location, actually, since he wanted our wedding to have the view of Mount Fuji.” 

“That’s perfect,” you said with wide eyes. “Lake Kawaguchiko?” 

“Yep. That’s exactly where it’d be.” She smiled with her eyes. “You know this resort… Hoshinoya Fuji? We already booked the place, and we have a luxury cabin for friends and families to stay at.” 

You had been there before, but you were too young to remember. All you knew was that it was a high-end resort that had the best panoramic views of Lake Kawaguchiko and Mount Fuji. The hotel owner was also a close friend of the Gojou family, so that was probably why they were able to rent the entire place for the wedding, especially at a peak season for tourists. 

Since the fall season was arriving, you could only imagine the stunning views of the autumn foliage there. It offered the perfect weather, too. It wouldn’t be as hot as summer, nor as freezing as winter. Surely, it would be nice to do some nature walks and stargazing, maybe ride a boat or bathe in a hot spring. You looked forward to it, except for the fact that your ex-husband would also be there. 

And just what a perfect timing it was, because as Shoko sorted through her patients' medical records above her desk, a file slipped from the pile, revealing the name of your very friend, Akemi. 

“Oh,” Shoko murmured apologetically as she retrieved the record, not wanting to ruin the mood of your conversation. “She, uh, came by a few days ago... with Gojou.”

You didn’t need to ask. You didn’t need to hear any further detail. Akemi’s visit likely revolved around her desire to conceive, as she wouldn’t have visited Shoko otherwise. Why? If it were simply to monitor her polycystic ovary, why did she choose Shoko instead of her own gynecologist? Thinking of how your ex-husband and best friend were attempting to start a family together left your heart shattered in unimaginable pieces, stirring up painful memories of your pathetic marriage with Satoru and reopening old wounds you thought had already healed from. Wasn’t it ironic that a couple of years ago, you were crying over the same situation with Sera? 

You couldn’t stand this feeling anymore. You thought you had already freed yourself from the pain of loving him, yet here you were suffering from the same heartbreak over and over and over again. Tears threatened to spill, but you held them back, the ache in your chest too raw to confront just yet. 

“It’s funny.” Although you displayed an outward smile, the sadness in your voice reflected your otherwise inward thoughts. You didn’t know why you said that. You were just too… too emotional. Almost like you couldn’t breathe. “He was never this passionate with me. They seem so in love.” 

Ieiri’s eyes carried sisterly concern in them. “Y/N, it’s not really what you think.” 

Was it? You weren’t sure what to feel anymore. You certainly weren't there to hear it anymore, either. Satoru chose her, just like what you wanted for him to do. Just like what you asked him to do. He had moved on, he had found someone who would love him for who he was, he had chosen the woman he would share the rest of his future with. Call yourself ridiculous for even feeling hurt about it, because you had no right to be and you definitely chose this. Either you own up to it, or you cry about it for the rest of your life. 

Both choices had no happy endings. 

— —

When Satoru learned about your incident in the woods, he thought he was going to lose his mind. 

Was it out of love that he swiftly left the office in the middle of a meeting just to get to where you were? 

He still had to pick up Sachiro from daycare, and he felt bad telling his son on the way to the hospital that his mother was hurt. It actually gave Satoru a hard time explaining to the 3-year old that they had to go to the hospital because his mommy was there and that she had an unfortunate encounter while riding a horse. 

“Dada, is… is mama okay?” Sachiro pouted with wide, tearful eyes as he clung to his father’s hand. “Sachi wants to go to mama!” 

“She’ll be okay, Sachi.” Gojou carried his son and soothed him as they went inside the hospital, searching for you. “Mommy’s strong, remember?” 

Was it out of love that he wanted to be the person that brought your son to you when you most needed him? 

According to the nurse, your room was on the seventh floor, but when he got there, your room was empty. It was Ian who told him that you went up the rooftop garden to get some fresh air, insisting that if Satoru wanted to go and talk to you, that it was best to leave Sachiro with them. 

And so he did. He ran hastily, almost out of breath, until he reached the rooftop, scanning every face within the vicinity until his tired blue eyes finally landed on you. 

Satoru laughed in disbelief. He scoffed bitterly, with each breath full of disgust. The tips of his fingers felt cold, while his breathing grew thin and ragged. He could feel his stomach clenching at the humiliation of seeing you engaged in an intimate make-out session with Toji Zen’in. 

How sickeningly sweet. 

At that point, he was laughing at his own expense, ignoring the elderly lady who looked at him like he was a crazy person. He stood there frozen for a few minutes, watching you kiss another man before it finally woke him up from reality. 

It was out of love that he let you go. 

You see? This was where his attachment to you would lead him. It was pure and unreasonable selfishness, but he would gain nothing at all from even seeing you. He didn’t need to care for you at all, no. You had Toji. You seemed to be goddamn happy with your life with Toji. And what a romantic fucking moment that was, too. 

Satoru couldn’t think straight when he hurriedly left the hospital and got inside his car. He desperately wanted to forget the painful image of you locking lips with somebody else. How? How would he? Fuck! He was mad, mad at himself for choosing to come to your aid like he still had any role in your life. He was disgusted at himself for ignoring Akemi’s calls after promising her a movie date after work. He couldn’t believe he had her waiting all by herself in that cinema, waiting for him to come while he was stupidly running around the hospital to see his ex-wife. 

You chose Toji, then you better be happy. Satoru hoped you were happy, and that wish came from a place of genuineness. He genuinely hoped the best for you. Because for him, it was time to fully let go and stop himself from trying to be the superhero whenever you were in danger. You weren’t his wife anymore. 

So, was it out of love that he headed straight to Akemi’s apartment that night with a bouquet of red roses? 

She didn’t know what happened nor was she given the full detail as to why he unintentionally stood her up on their date night. He had just briefly explained that he had to drop Sachiro off to you at a hospital because you got into a small accident. Akemi, being your friend, got immediately worried upon hearing the situation and asked if Satoru was able to check on you. 

He said no. He said Toji was there. He said he left as soon as dropped Sachiro off. 

And in an effort to apologize for not paying attention to the current woman in his life, Satoru pulled Akemi in a tight embrace. He held her in her arms, drunk from the sweet and citrusy notes of her perfume, before pulling away to kiss her. He kissed her with the same passion as you did with Toji. Perhaps even more, even better. He completely devoured her lips, with a hand on her cheek and the other on her waist. The taste of her tongue was sweet like strawberries, while her lips were red like cherries. 

This woman was all he needed. 

But was this love? He didn’t know. It was too soon to tell, too early to answer, too hasty to even consider. 

— —

The current situation you were in reminded you of your younger self after your mother had died. It was the same before; you never left the house, often locking yourself in your room, shutting yourself off from the world, and drowning yourself with the pain and loneliness of losing somebody important. 

Sure, no one really died for you to be acting this way right now, but the feeling was still the same. Was this really a comeuppance to all of your wrongdoings before? But just how terrible were you of a person to be hit by this unbelievable truckload of sorrow? You might as well spur on the physical pains of your angina again if this torment continued. Otherwise, how else do you avoid it? 

You were being a terrible mother, too. You were too engrossed by your own misery that you couldn’t even properly take care of Sachiro. He didn’t deserve to have an incompetent and irresponsible mother like you. He deserves someone better, someone like Akemi, who not only has all the motherly traits a woman should have, but also the physical and mental capacity of being a true, strong woman. 

Sachiro was bound to have that, anyway. Now that his father was planning his lifelong journey with another woman, and now that he was trying to build a happy family with her, you were no longer needed in the picture. There was no need for you. 

How many more times would you tell that you have accepted it? 

Because, god be damned, you knew you couldn’t. You knew you were lying to yourself when you said everything was fine, lying to Satoru when you told him you didn’t need him in your life anymore, lying to Toji for telling him that you wanted to marry him, lying to Akemi that you didn’t care if she was seeing your ex-husband, and lying to Sachiro when you promised to him that you would never leave his side. You were a liar. A terrible liar. A pitiful, terrible liar. 

How would you tell the universe that you couldn’t take it anymore? That, for once, you wanted to be showered by happiness and all the good things in life? 

Sera was right. Not everyone could have it all. There were people of lesser fortune who weren’t blessed to live a lavish life like you, yet still work hard to achieve what they want. Why couldn't you achieve your own happiness without blaming it on the universe? If this was simply a lesson, then weren’t you the top student at this rate? 

God. God, help me. You really didn’t know how to deal with this life anymore. You weren’t sure how to proceed. You couldn’t rely on anything other than the bottle of alcohol on your hand—what was once full was now half empty after you took another swig. This was your second bottle already, wasn’t it? Or third? 

You got up from the floor and failed to walk in a straight line as you made your way towards the balcony. Your steps were unsteady, wavering like a leaf caught in a gentle breeze. With each attempt to move forward, your body swayed from side to side, struggling to maintain balance. You almost lost grip of the bottle you were holding. No, it did, in fact, slip from your hand and ended up crashing into the floor. Shards of glass lay across the ground, ready to pierce the soles of your feet to mirror the same physical pain your heart was experiencing. 

“Stop,” you muttered under your breath, begging for your chest to stop hurting. But it only worsened, and your antidote to that was to wash it down with even more liquor. No matter how expensive it was, you didn’t even like the taste of alcohol. You hated the sting on your throat whenever you drank it. You despised the bitterness it left on your tongue. However, it did great at numbing your emotions. 

It just felt wrong in many ways that you were seeing Satoru’s face whenever you closed your eyes. You could see his smile, his loving eyes, his beautiful lips. You missed his embrace, his kiss, his touch. You missed hearing his I love you’s. Him. You missed him. You yearned for him. Three goddamn years, and you were still undeniably in love with him. 

“Satoru…” you cried, sitting on the floor. Each breath made it harder and harder for you to catch as tears continued to stream down your face. You were tired of pretending, denying that you no longer had feelings for him when you knew deep down that you would always choose him. “S-Satoru… come back to me, please.”

Was it him coming inside your room? Or was it your vision making a fool out of you? 

“Baby, what are you doing?” Satoru’s expression was engulfed in immense worry as he knelt down and reached out to you, touching your cheek and looking at your eyes somberly. “Don’t do this yourself, Y/N.” 

Your head hung low, your gaze unfocused and glazed, as you fought to keep your eyes on the path ahead. You had to reach him. You wanted to touch him, hug him. And despite your best efforts, your movements were disjointed and erratic, betraying the effects of the alcohol coursing through your veins.

“Y/N, that’s enough.” Gen had to use force just to be able to snatch the bottle away from you, forcing you to wake up to the reality where Satoru no longer existed to be there for you. It was her who came rushing inside your room in the middle of the night. The bottle of liquor was now spilled all over the floor. The same could be described with your emotions. “Get it together. You haven’t been acting like yourself lately!”

You couldn’t, even if you wanted to. You were in delirium after having dealt with all the terrible things the world had thrown at you. If you couldn’t drown yourself in alcohol, how else would you have been able to numb the pain? How else would you have been able to… forget? 

As much as your sister tried to hide the obvious sympathy in her voice, even your drunken mind could recognize it. “We all know you’re going down the depression lane again, but never to this extent.” Her voice cracked in the middle of her sentence, cradling you into her arms as a tear fell down her face. The Gen who would usually lecture you, was now holding you in her arms as her only baby sister. “Stop this, Y/N, please. Don’t ruin your life the second time. I-It’s hurting me. It’s hurting Dad. Do you… do you realize what Sachiro’s gonna think of you when he sees you like this?” 

“Gen…” Muffled sobs unwillingly came out of you, leaving you with such excruciating pain in the chest, so much so that it didn’t even feel like you had done surgery to fix your (quite literally) broken heart.  “I w-want him back,” you continued to cry, “I want my husband back. I want to be with h-him, Gen.” 

“Y/N.”

“Where’s S-Satoru…? D-Did he leave? Please take me to him—”

“Y/N, listen to me.” She gently cupped your cheeks, forcing you to look at her pained eyes. “You’re intoxicated. He was never here, and he’d never come for you. You have to let it go.” 

“But—”

“He’s not good for you. He never will be.”

— —

It had been two weeks since Satoru last heard about you. Miwa was the one who updated him that you had already returned to your family’s mansion, letting him know that you were okay and that you were recovering well. Frankly, Satoru was starting to get annoyed at the fact that his secretary was still giving him updates about you. What did he care? He wasn’t your husband anymore. 

Besides, Toji was probably visiting you every day, so why did he have to worry about you? If there was anyone he should be worried about, it was Akemi. She had been experiencing terrible pelvic cramps lately, which needed to be given serious attention, but you would never see her being dramatic about it. The only thing she needed was for Gojou to accompany her visits to the OB-GYN, and even then, she never showered herself in self-pity. She carried herself like an independent woman, and that was exactly what Satoru needed in his life right now. 

He had a son to raise. He had a company to run. It wasn’t the perfect time to commit himself to someone lawfully. Heck, he didn’t even believe in marriage anymore. He realized that two people could still love each other without getting married. As long as Akemi didn’t pressure him about such things, he was fine with having her around. She didn’t ask for anything much, anyway. 

As for you, well… 

“What are you planning with that mansion you gifted Y/N?” asked Nanami, seated on the couch inside Satoru’s office, casually reading a newspaper. “Do you even remember that?” 

He certainly did. “What about it?” he questioned, idly toying with a pen on his desk. “It’s her property now. She can sell it if she wants.”

Better yet, you should let Sachiro inherit the property someday. His son was already set for a life of privilege having wealthy parents on both sides, but wouldn’t the mansion be a substantial addition to his assets in the future? Satoru couldn’t help but envision the kind of man his son would grow up into. He hoped Sachiro would not inherit his father's immaturity and pettiness but would embody the kindness and altruism of his mother. From a business perspective, however, Satoru planned to groom his son to be a leader, as he was the sole heir to the Gojou Group. Additionally, he would also inherit half of Creston and the entirety of Hearte. No wonder Sachiro was recently listed as the wealthiest kid by Forbes Japan. He even beat Megumi Zen’in from the list even though the teenager was the heir of the Zen’in business empire. 

These were the thoughts that should consume Satoru—the future, not the past. His kid, not you. And he was right about doing so, because when he came home to his penthouse, he was told that he had a visitor. 

A visitor on a Wednesday afternoon? 

Your brother-in-law, the esteemed prosecutor who sent his evil stepmother to jail, appeared on his front door, carrying Sachiro in his arms. It was hard to tell what type of emotions were visible on the man’s face, but he definitely didn’t bring any good news. 

“Ian?” Satoru promptly made way for the man to come in, ushering him into the penthouse and allowing him to set Sachiro down. The young boy was quick to dart off to his playroom, leaving the two men in an uncomfortable silence. “What’s going on? Weekends are usually my schedule with Sachi.” 

Ian cleared his throat, a hand on his pocket. “Do you mind looking after Sachiro for the time being?” 

By saying ‘for the time being’, it seemed like Ian wanted to actually say ‘until further notice.’ But that confused Satoru even more, because what was happening for the man to come here and ask him to let Sachiro stay beyond the agreed schedule with his father? He couldn’t read through Ian’s expression and it was making him uneasy. 

“I can, but… why so suddenly?” Gojou asked, glancing at his oblivious son. 

“It’s Y/N’s idea, Gen doesn’t know about it.” Ian released an awkward chuckle. “You know how my wife is.” 

Gen would absolutely hate it, Satoru was aware for sure. Though the questions lingered in his mind. “Why would Y/N want Sachi to stay with me? Where’s she?” 

Was it him or was Ian having a hard time explaining the situation? It felt like he was walking on eggshells, deciding between what had to be said and what shouldn’t. He was careful with his words when he spoke again, “Y/N flew to Monaco this morning and will be back when she’s ready. She says Sachiro should spend all of his time with you while she’s gone.” 

Monaco? Why would you be there?

Confusion bathed Satoru’s eyes. “Is it for a fashion event or something?” 

“No, she’s just…” Ian struggled heavily. “Well, to sum it up, she has to go there to sort some things out. It’s a personal thing, but she really needs this time for herself and we think it’s the best for her right now. I don’t know how long she’s gonna stay there or when she’ll be back, but I hope you understand what I’m trying to say here.”

No, he didn’t. Satoru found it difficult to fathom his ex-brother-in-law’s words, seeing as he had no general idea of what was truly going on. But if you were flying to Monaco, surely Toji wouldn’t allow you to go there all by yourself? 

Ahh. It made sense now. I see what’s happening here. 

Satoru’s lips curled into sarcasm. You would be vacationing with the love of your life. Is that what it was? Planning your halted wedding? Choosing wedding gowns? Looking for venues? There was no way you would be flying to Monaco alone, especially without Sachiro around when you two had been inseparable since his birth. 

“What kinda mother is she?” Satoru muttered in disgust, unaware that Ian had overheard him. But Ian had heard loud and clear. How could you leave your son behind like this? Couldn’t you face your ex-husband to discuss it, instead of just dropping Sachiro off as if he were some unwanted toy?

“Hold it right there,” Ian interjected, becoming defensive at the accusation. “You have no idea what she’s going through.”

How would he know? No one was telling him shit. No one was giving him details, so did they expect him to understand things and accept them as they were? Did they do the same thing to Satoru when he was at the verge of losing his sanity asking everyone for forgiveness over and over? 

“I've never taken sides between you two, Satoru, you know that,” Ian continued, trying to maintain a calm demeanor and speak with clear judgment, “But one thing I’m not gonna let you do is call Y/N a bad mother.”

Satoru’s chest tightened at Ian's words, a mixture of guilt and frustration bubbling up inside him. He knew he shouldn’t have spoken out of turn, but the pain and resentment were too raw to contain. It felt like you were abandoning him and your child, like you were off to a new chapter in your life again, and leaving everything behind. Perhaps this was his trauma from the New York thing crawling back at him, but it definitely reminded him of the day you had abandoned him. For three fucking years. How long would it take you to return now? 

Why do you keep doing this? He was sick of it. You kept running away instead of talking to him. He gets it, people change, circumstances change, but couldn’t you at least have the decency to talk to him about it? Was it wrong for him to wish you’d handled this differently? To wish that you’d talked to him, involved him in the decision-making process, instead of just making this unilateral decision and leaving him to pick up the pieces? 

Satoru took a moment, collecting his thoughts before continuing. “It’s fine, I’ll take care of Sachi,” he reassured, “I’ll take some time off work and have ‘Kemi help me out.” 

He looked back at Ian, his eyes pleading for further details, for answers, for some semblance of clarity in the midst of this emotional turmoil.

Yet none of it was given. 

And so, would it still be wrong to assume that he could now completely forget about you? That this opportunity to be with Sachiro would allow him a chance to share it with someone else? If you spent three years of your life playing house in New York with Toji, would it still be unfair for Satoru to do the same with Akemi? 

[usomads]

Finisher // Roman Reigns x Reader (Pin Me Pt. 2)

Author’s Note -> Hiiii everyone! So many of you requested a part two to Pin Me, which again thank you so much for all the love on the first part. I honestly didn’t think of making it multiple parts when I first wrote this, but here we are and here it is lol! Happy reading!

Plot -> After pinning the Smackdown Women’s Champion in your mixed tag-team match with Roman Reigns, you gained popularity and with that your first singles title opportunity. You’ve never been more nervous for anything in your life, so your Tribal Chief helps ease your nerves before your match…

Pairings -> Roman Reigns x Fem!Reader (Y/N)

Warnings -> Cursing, Oral Sex (Fem!Receiving), Fingering, Gagging, Implied Smut, Not Proofread, MDNI

Word Count -> 3.0k

(time skip to the first Smackdown episode after Saturday Night’s Main Event)

“I’ve been your Smackdown Women’s Champion for nearly five months now, and since becoming your champion I have proved that I am the irresistible force and nobody can take this title from me. Not Bayley, not Naomi, not Tiffany, and esp-” Nia’s promo was cut short by your entrance music hitting, the crowd rising to their feet and popping loudly for your theme. Since pinning Nia at Saturday Night’s Main Event, you had taken the WWE Universe by storm; your social media following went up, more and more people were recognizing you in public, you had gotten exactly the recognition you wanted all along- and it was all thanks to Roman Reigns.

Since last Saturday and your “celebration” post-match, you’ve grown closer to Joe. You were getting to know each other better, spending more time together, and what you initially thought was a one-time thing in the heat of the moment was clearly not. Joe got his hands on you every chance he could, it didn’t matter where or when, if he wanted you he was going to have you. And who were you to turn down your Tribal Chief? 

Now, you two hadn’t defined your “relationship” just yet but you both were perfectly fine with the way things were at the moment- taking things slow and really getting to know each other (among other things) before making anything official. You were doing pretty well for yourself; you were gaining more traction than before and you had a fine ass man to go home to- you had zero complaints with how your life and career were going at the moment.

You emerged from backstage, microphone in hand, as the crowd roared at your entrance. You signaled for production to cut your music, walking confidently to the ring as you spoke. “Now, Nia, I know damn well you didn’t come in the ring to talk all this mess about ‘no one can beat me’ after last week… did you hit your head too hard during our match or something because I,” you paused, signaling to the crowd filling the arena, “as well as the entire WWE universe remember very clearly that I pinned you last week at Main Event.” The crowd cheered in response, boosting your already high confidence as you smirked at Nia. “If you’re soooo confident you can beat me one-on-one, then do it. Put your title on the line next week and let’s see how much of a ‘force’ you really are.”

“Oh, Y/N…” Nia mocked you, “it’s so adorable that you think you’re a threat to me and my title. That win you got last week, pinning me? Was pure luck.” Nia stepped to you, with little distance between you too as she glared down at you, “But unlike you, at least I don’t have to sleep with anyone to get my main event spots, I work hard for what I have. Do that first, then come talk to me.” That wasn’t in the fucking script, is she serious right now? Oh, if she wants to improv, best believe I can too. You swung without thinking twice, using the microphone in your hand to hit her on the side of the head. It was time for a fight. 

You and Nia took turns trying to go at each other, both of you countering the other until she blindsided you out of nowhere with a hit that made you see double for a second. You knew you were done after that, feeling blood trickle from a cut on your head created by her. She continued to attack you while you were down, the crowd booing with every hit she delivered. After your body had slumped in the center of the ring she grabbed you by your hair and pulled you up, showing your beaten and bloody face to the crowd and cameras. “This isn’t fantasy, Y/N, stop playing pretend with Roman and go back to catering where you fucking belong.” She threw your head back onto the mat and exited the ring as security and medical personnel rushed to the ring. You dragged your fatigued body out of the ring and backstage, refusing treatment from medical despite their protests. You walked into the locker room Joe and you now shared, while Joe was screaming at someone on the phone.

“Nick, are you fucking kidding me? There’s gotta be some form of punish- I don’t give a shit what the higher ups thought about it, she could’ve seriously injured Y/N, I-,” Joe paused, turning around and seeing you enter the locker room, “I gotta go. This conversation isn’t over.” Joe hung up on the GM and rushed over to you. “Baby, are you okay? Did she hurt you? Have you gotten looked at by-”

“No, Joe, and I’m not going to. Just please, drop it. I’m over it.”

“Well, I’m not. Why the fuck would she even say something like that? How would she have known about us?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know, Joe! Now leave it alone, seriously, I’m not in the goddamn mood.” You went silent, thinking about what you were going to do about Nia. You needed to do something different, something she would never see coming. Your priorities shifted completely after that segment, you now no longer wanted just the title. Your biggest priority, maybe even more than wanting the belt, was to beat the shit outta Nia Jax, no matter what it took.

“Babe, c’mon, you need to sit down. You’re gonna stress yourself into a heart attack if you don’t quit pacing around the room like that,” Joe was currently attempting to calm you down, you had been completely fine this past week you were training and promoting the match, but now that the show had officially started your overwhelming amount of confidence had completely vanished.

“Easy for you to say, title matches are second nature to you. Muscle memory. I  have never competed for a title before, I have every right to be freaking the fuck out right now, Joe,” you sighed. “It feels like everything just did a 180 degree turn, like I have so many eyes on me now and they all want me to beat Nia’s ass, and I just don’t know if I-”

“Hey, none of that. Y/N, look at me,” you slowly brought your head up to meet his eyes, the same ones that completely captivated your being just a couple weeks ago. “Whatever you’re about to say, don’t. That crowd out there knows exactly what you’re capable of, you know what you’re capable of, and I know what you’re capable of. I believe in you, baby, and if you can’t find it in you to believe in yourself then I’ll believe enough for the both of us. You got this, Y/N, I know you do.” Your heart melted at his words, the soothing and reassuring tone in his voice providing you some much needed comfort. 

“You still nervous, baby?” You nodded your head, looking down at your lap as he scooted closer to you on the couch. “I think I have an idea on how we can fix that. Do you trust me?”

“A-always, Joe.”

“Good girl.” He lifts your chin with his finger and passionately presses his lips to yours, resting his palm on the side of your face as you moan into the kiss. Your stomach flutters at his soft demeanor, feeling some of your nerves dissipate as his lips caress yours. He lays you down on the couch, hovering over you as he deepens the kiss. Breathless, he pulls away, leaning his forehead against yours and looking lovingly into your eyes. “You still feelin’ nervous, baby?”

“Y-yeah,” you breathed out, “a little less, but still pretty nervous.”

“I guess I’ll have to keep going then, don’t I?” His lips find their way back to yours, resting there for a moment before trailing along your jawbone and down your neck, leaving a few wet kisses at the base of your throat before continuing his path downward. Your breathing had picked up, and you were now looking down at him as his lips left a trail down your abdomen.

“A-are you sure we should… now? I mean, I have my match later and I-”

“Shhh, I promise I’ll be quick. Just wanna take care of you, help my baby out,” he muttered against your hip bone as he teased the lining of your ring gear you had been wearing. You sighed contently, leaning your head back against the arm of the couch and allowing yourself to relax into his touch. His fingers interlock in the lining of your bottoms as he looks up for you, asking for permission to remove them. You lift your hips off the couch, allowing him to slowly drag the material down your legs and throw them to the side. He snakes both hands up your legs, kneading the soft flesh of your thighs before splitting them apart and exposing you to him. Your body was so reactive to him- Joe loved how goosebumps would scatter across your skin at the brush of his lips or how your eyes would flutter closed and your eyebrows would scrunch together with just his touch, but most of all, he loved how how wet he made you without doing a thing to you. 

“Fuck, ma, always so ready for me,” you moaned loudly and bucked your hips, desperate for any sort of friction, “you gon’ have to be quiet for me, don’t want nobody to hear us, right baby?” You nodded and bit your lip, trying to hold in your cries and his fingers danced up the smooth skin of your inner thighs and through your folds, leaning down to make his face level with your core and presses a soft kiss on your clit before wrapping his lips around the swollen bud, nipping and sucking while he continues to drag his fingers along your slit before pushing a finger inside. His thrusts are slow, putting his focus on his mouth as he eats you with a burning intensity. His tongue works itself in ways that set your body on fire, the scruff of his beard along with it only adding to the sensation he’s giving you. The lip you’re biting to keep quiet is nearly drawing blood. You want to cry out, you want to moan his praises loud enough for the crowd inside the arena to hear, but you know you can’t so you continue to restrain yourself despite wanting to do the complete opposite.

He replaces his fingers with his tongue now, pumping it inside of you and using one to pin your hips down and the other to draw slow circles into your clit. This time you can’t help yourself; your clit is so sensitive that the second his fingers brushed it, you were done for. He pauses for a moment to remove his t-shirt he was wearing and you whine from the loss of contact, watching as he morphs the cotton material into a ball and hands it over to you, bringing his hand back down to your clit. “Bite down on this, since you can’t keep yourself quiet, I’ll make you.” You hesitate for a moment and look down at him, his features darkening and giving you a sly smirk before nodding his head. You bring the material to your lips before biting down on it, your senses being completely filled by Joe. He goes back to eating you as you moan into the cloth, the material successfully muffling your cries. Joe’s movements become more and more desperate, moving his tongue and fingers faster as he can sense you’re close. You can’t stop your moans now, saliva drooling from the corner of your mouth as you feel yourself getting closer to your release. Your legs begin to shake and Joe, noticing you were close, dives his head deeper into your pussy, trapping you with his mouth. Your eyes squeeze shut as you inhale, breathing in his scent and cologne you were using as a gag, triggering your own orgasm. You came on his tongue hard, shaking and moaning into the fabric of his shirt as he laps up your juices like an animal deprived of water. You even your breathing and throw his shirt back at him, the both of you laughing as he crawls on top of you.

“Oh, you wanna throw things at me do you? I might just have to teach you a le-”

Joe was interrupted by someone knocking on the door to his locker room. “Excuse me, Ms. Y/N? It’s almost time for your match, we need to head to Gorilla to finalize some things real quick.” You both sigh, him getting off of you as you put your bottoms back on in a rush. You make a run for the door to hurry and get to your position, but he grabs your arm to stop you. “You still feeling nervous?” You smiled at him and shook your head, going to thank him but getting cut off. “Good luck out there, baby. I’ll be waiting for you in Gorilla for you to show me that new title,” he kisses your cheek and you blush.

“Thank you, Joe, for everything. I mean it, I wouldn’t be doing this without you.” He gives you a soft smile and ushers you out the door, as you prepare yourself for possibly the biggest match of your entire career.

“Ughhh,” you groaned as Nia dragged you from the center of the ring to the corner, preparing to give you an Annihilator and win this match. From the jump Nia had punished you, much to the crowd’s distaste. It seemed like everybody in the arena had been behind you and you felt it, right up until the bell rang and she started throwing heavy combinations your way. You managed to sneak in a couple pieces of offense but none were convincing enough to give you any sort of edge. Nia got on the ropes, and performed the move. She remained seated on you, trying to get the pin. 1… 2… kick out. You pushed her off of you and sat on your heels, gripping your side. Jesus, my fuckin’ ribs. 

Finally to your feet, you unload on Nia as she laid on the ground. Kicks, punches, springboard moves, you threw the whole arsenal but each pin attempt gave a 1 or 2 count, and never close calls. You knew deep down you were going to have to do something completely insane to get this win, so you start stringing things together to get it done. You start by giving her a drop kick to send her to the outside, following her out, then throwing her into the steel steps. You dragged her by the hair to the announce table, laying her on it as you ran to the ring and climbed to the top rope. You made sure everyone near the table had cleared before crossing your heart and doing a senton, landing on Nia as the table and collapsing along with it. You could tell that Nia was nearly to the breaking point, so you mustered all the energy and strength you could to drag her back into the ring and climbed to the top rope once more. You hit your finisher, but wasn’t satisfied. You wanted no doubts, so you climbed up and hit it again, straddling her shoulders and hooking your arms around her legs. The arena was so loud you could barely hear the ref’s count. 1… 2… 3… ‘Here is your winner, and the NEW… WWE Women’s Champion… Y/N!’

You couldn’t even process what had just happened, all you wanted to do was get the hell out of that ring so you snatched the title from the ref and escaped. You slowed down when you made it to the stage, clutching the title in your arms and looking down at it with tears brimming your eyes. Your knees felt weak, and your heart was beating out of your chest. You did it. You triumphantly raised the title in the air, tears starting to fall as you smiled and took the moment in. After the cameras had cut and you had taken a few pictures with fans, you walked backstage only to be greeted with cheers. You made your way to everyone, getting pictures, hugs, and everything else in between before locking eyes with the man you wanted to see ever since your hand was raised. Joe. You practically ran to him, jumping into his arms and wrapping yours around his neck, hugging him tightly. He spun you around and smiled from ear to ear. 

“I’m so fuckin’ proud of you, baby. You had a helluva match out there, I knew you had it in you,” he kissed you sweetly right there, not caring who was watching as you grinned widely. “Now, let’s get you home,” he winked at you, setting you down before whispering low in your ear.

“We’ve got some more celebrating to do tonight.”

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

stans are actually very funny bc they often time talk themselves into the weirdest corners.

the whole point of criticizing acosf and its handling of nesta's character is to prove the point that sjm...doesn't like nesta as a character. that's is literally THE point - that sjm often abandons her moral themes (abuse, trauma, assault, etc.,) for character's deemed as undesirable or villainous to a capacity - and its through the handling of those 'vilified' (i.e. main character opposed - not even villianous) that we can gauge the extent to which sjm actually believes the ideals of her story. like - it is alarming that the only tolerable, empathetic parts of the a court of silver flames were the moments you could tell where ripped straight from sjm's own life (the hiking, training, mind-stilling etc.,). any actual characteristics about nesta weren't explored...like at all. her relationship with feyre and elain, with her mother, her trauma from her sexual assault, her conflicted relationship with her grandmother, her life before the cabin, her life during the cabin. in 800 pages - i still don't know mama archeron's name. what was life like in the cabin? what did nesta do all day? what was the dynamic? what was going on between elain and nesta?i don't know anything about her and nesta, we don't know anything about nesta's human life, her conversation with clare bedor, her relationship with clare beddor, moments with her dad - not even touching moments with him (and part of this story is her finding love for her dad). mind you we read 800+ pages and we learned absolutely nothing about her.

we essentially read sjm's emotional journey in one part, and a taming of the shrew narrative in another. i think the only way sjm had genuine interest in exploring nesta's story is through essentially self-inserting herself and avoiding the actual plot-points she set up in the first three books. like did nesta have childhood friends? if losing the wealth so drastically affected her life wouldn't she reminisce about it a lot? would she yearn for her mother? who were her childhood friends, how did she function at court?

and the whole point of saying alll of that is to argue the misuse of these topics - serious discussions abuse are only reserved for certain situation, and others its completely undermined in a way that only reinforces the negative ideals to begin with. (i.e. nesta needs to abused bc..." "the intervention was harsh but" - pair that with discussion around what feyre needed in acomaf - and it makes much more sense).

nesta antis often jump between the fact that nesta is so favored that sjm nerfed feysand to 'redeem her' and arguing that sjm secretly does everything in her power to embarrass and secretly laugh at people who like nesta's character. (1) we've gotta pick one or the other (2) in my humble opinion - sjm would have always given feyre a pregnancy plot like this regardless of whether this was nesta's book or elain. its literally so sjm. im shocked people are surprised she pulled the pregnancy as she did.

as with the tamlin discussion we had under this post - i think the story undermines its discussion of abuse with feyre/tam by essentially insinuating that tamlin (when placed in the same victimized position as feyre) should have sucked it up and braved out his abuse with amarantha (and the same with rhysand as well - esp with the deliberate foil of rhysand's 'willingness' v. tamlin's unwillingness). and when we start to have a real conversation ultilizing our own irl analysis and standards we really see how harmful and rather sisyphean the conversation becomes. instead of engaging with these topics earnestly, they only engage in them to prove a point - which is how the issue began in the first place. the whole issue with rhysand isn't the fact that he engages with harmful, potentially villainous positions. no - its that the book wants to prove that tamlin is wrong by justifying rhysand's actions. so even though rhysand and tamlin almost always have the same written and expressed intentions in their abuse of feyre, the book flocks to justify one, and eschews the other. and thats why we get so much reactionary critcism of rhys that is surface: people only admit the problems because they know antis will, not because they actually believe their are issues in the story.

and perhaps im still speaking into a void here but i can tell there's tension between pro stans wanting to have these serious conversations but understanding they can only really introspect so far until the conversation begin to prod at the validity of the topics being brought forth. so stans have to jump between invalidating the romantasy genre ("its just faeries") and treating this book as a serious topic (cue: "sjm put a hotline in the back of the book"). this is also the exact reason why the racism conversations stall (i.e. why inherent superiority is always passively emphasized - despite cc1 + 2 centering human oppresion there is no human in the ensemble cast. despite the fact that illyrian women are the most oppressed - rhys has no illyrian women - or reg illyrians (not his brothers) in his inner circle. aelin 'sacrificing' her human body).

[arcadianmoonshadowjedi]

Callum & Viren: Are they similar? Is Callum on the same path as Viren? - Star Wars Analogies

I know there have been posts made before in the Dragon Prince fandom comparing characters from tdp to Star Wars characters, esp Callum to Anakin/Vader as someone who will eventually get corrupted/turn to the dark side and become a potential apprentice to Aaravos, as well as Rayllum to Anidala in terms of Callum being seen as being bound to doom the world for Rayla.

I wanted to share a different perspective of mine as to which characters/relationship dynamics (outside of romantic ones included) from tdp I believe compare the most to which Star Wars characters as a massive fan of both sagas myself.

The number one character from Star Wars that I see Callum being most similar to is Luke Skywalker, whereas a character I think is the best comparison to Anakin/Vader, especially after watching Season 6 of the Dragon Prince, would be none other than Viren himself. While I do know for a fact that the tdp characters aren’t carbon copies of the SW characters I’m comparing them to, I still think that their overall arcs are quite matching.

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Starting with Callum and Luke, on the surface, both are the hero who prevails and saves everyone & the whole world/galaxy from doom, but on a deeper level, they both struggle with a dark side inside of them & temptations to give in to it. And before I continue, I wanted to emphasize that I DO NOT see Callum as someone who’s morally dubious, as there are several instances in canon which prove otherwise, specifically his immense guilt over using dark magic and his fear of becoming corrupted and consumed by darkness in S6 (his nightmare at the beginning of episode 3 perfectly illustrates this), the latter of which is a challenge we also see Luke dealing with in The Empire Strikes Back.

Throughout the Original trilogy, mainly in ESB & Return of the Jedi, we see so many “hints” and “indicators” that Luke might turn to the dark side, who unlike Callum, actually shares many personality traits with his father such as his impatience and recklessness. We see Yoda fear that he might follow in his father’s footsteps before reluctantly training him, we see Vader and eventually Palpatine try to lure Luke to the dark side, even pointing out that they could sense his anger which is a major precursor for that. But in the end, despite all of those temptations, despite all of his anger and eventual fear & rage for his sister’s safety, he ultimately resisted and refused to join the sith.

Along with seeing many protagonists who may be put in similar situations or even in some cases share some similarities with the main/major antagonist, such as Harry and Voldemort being another example of this, this is why I am a firm believer that Callum will be tested in Season 7, he may be faced with temptations to use dark magic again perhaps as a quick means to defeat Aaravos or potentially save Rayla if it gets to that, or even Aaravos trying to bribe him to join him, but in the end he will ultimately resist, since dark magic, as stated several times before, is merely a shortcut that leads to much bigger long term harm (which I don’t think there would be enough time to even flesh this out in the final season of the Mystery of Aaravos arc). As we’ve seen Callum reject succumbing to his dark side after he used dark magic for the first time, and seeing him willingly do the purification ritual to rid himself of his darkness/corruption in his soul, I do believe that Callum has the power to reject dark magic once and for all and do the right thing (this does not necessarily mean he would sacrifice Rayla if the plot does get to that, but I do think he would find a third option aside from dark magic to save her, like he did back in S3 when he cast the mage wing spell to save her). After all, a major theme in the Dragon Prince is breaking cycles and not repeating previous mistakes, so what would be the point in having those themes or specifically Harrow’s letter in the first place, or better yet have the whole “destiny’s a book you write yourself” line be brought up multiple times if Callum’s just fated keep repeating past mistakes over and over again?

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Now onto my next analogy: Viren & Anakin/Vader, the characters who I genuinely saw as those whose corruption & downfalls may have started out of desperation to save a loved one from dying, but ultimately grew into greed and hunger for power.

I could go on about the complexities of Anakin’s character, specifically the ones that got fleshed out even more in the Clone Wars and how there are multiple factors that led to his turn to the dark side, but that’s not the whole point of this post. I know that there are some differing factors between both Viren and Anakin in terms of their dark sides/stories, but ultimately the last straw that led to their corruption was the fact that they were both terrified of losing an important loved one and both were completely unwilling to let that happen, whatever the price they had to pay. We also see them seek some sort of counsel/beg for help, like when Anakin vaguely told Yoda about his visions and fears, and Viren telling Kpp’Ar about Soren’s condition and needing the staff, ultimately both Anakin and Viren were told that there wasn’t really anything that could be done and they both needed to learn to let go. However neither of them were having that, so we somewhat see them both resort to another counsel, both very different but leading to same outcome. Anakin starts to open up more to Palpatine, who in turn manipulates him and convinces him that he has his “solution.” While Viren on the other hand, may have offered advice to Harrow to “do what he must” over his own dilemma, he in turn used that same advice but in a more twisted, corrupted manner. So then, both Anakin and Viren resort to darker approaches to solve their own problems and completely give in to their own darknesses.

I won’t go into deep detail about what they each did, since you can just rewatch these scenes in Revenge of the Sith and Episode 6 of TDP for that, but now I wanted to talk about how despite having the desire to save their loved ones, they ultimately caused massive harm to them. Anakin desperately did whatever he could to save Padme, but in the end, when he thought she betrayed him, he force-choked her then afterwards, she was shattered and heartbroken over his downfall that it led to her death, the very thing that Anakin tried so hard to prevent. While Viren on the other hand may have succeeded in healing and saving Soren, he grew to treat him coldly and abusively to the point where he completely damaged & even destroyed his relationship with his very son that he corrupted himself completely to save in the first place.

Even though I primarily focused on the similarities between Viren saving Soren & Anakin trying to save Padme, I also wanted to point out how similar the impacts were on Lissa and Padme as well, namely how they were both horrified when they saw what became of their husbands.

Sadly both of them ended up getting assaulted by their corrupted husbands, which then led up to the destruction of their families. And ultimately both Viren and Anakin continued on their dark paths and grew more ruthless, evil, and corrupted until they finally reached their eventual redemptions (I know not everyone thinks that Viren got redeemed but I do believe that his redemption arc was him accepting that he’s done far too much and accepting the consequences for his actions).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So far these are the thoughts that I have on which Dragon Prince characters/relationships I think compare best to which Star Wars ones. And I know that Claudia would also be a good comparison to Anakin since she too struggles a lot with loss and refuses to let go, but at the same time, I see her still being in Anakin’s early villain phase during Revenge of the Sith, not yet having reached the Vader levels that we see during the Original Trilogy era. The way I see Vader & Viren relationships with Luke and Callum’s characters, it’s that the former two represent what the latter two fear of becoming if they do not overcome their dark sides.

But to answer my questions in the header, I do not think that Callum is bound to be on the same path as Viren or that he will let himself be consumed by darkness. Season 6 dealt with his overall guilt over using dark magic, his fear of being consumed by it/being used as by Aaravos, and ultimately his choice to purify himself of his darkness and understanding the consequences of doing dark magic again beforehand. Just as many protagonists get put through the wringer in their final battles, but ultimately persevere and do the right thing, I do believe that Callum will win and not fall victim to his temptations once again.

That’s all I have folks! Thanks for reading this far if you have! And an important friendly reminder (as mentioned already in my bio) if you have differing opinions and would like to disagree and discuss, please be sure to do so respectfully. Otherwise scroll by or I’ll be more than glad to press that block button! 😊🙌🏽

(Screenshot+caption of Lissa scene by @stuck-in-jelly)

[buddiesmutslut]

Okay, so I want Buddie to get together before Chris comes home, right? So, they get Chris, spend a few days getting everyone settled back into the swing of things, and then either 1) they don't get a chance to tell him, or 2) they do, and it doesn't go great (which I feel like is something that's going to happen regardless, I need Christopher to be an angsty teen with abandonment issues in 4k)

BUT

Before they can sit down again and figure everything out, they get a call for another wildfire or a crossover or whatever that requires them to leave town for a little bit.

Obviously, Eddie can't go, because he just got Christopher back home and he really doesn't want to leave him again, even temporarily, but Buck has to go because people need help.

Cue Buck & Eddie spending time apart for the first time since they got together, sleeping in different beds hundreds of miles away from the other, and both spiraling a little bit. Eddie because he's worried that Buck is finally getting some time away from him and the mess that he was in Chris' absence and is worried that he doesn't want to keep wading through Eddie's problems,

And Buck because Chris is back now, and what if Eddie doesn't need him anymore? What if he was just a stand-in or a placeholder for Chris, but now his son is back and Eddie is on his own two feet again and what if he doesn't need Buck anymore, and if he doesn't need him, then why would he keep him around?

Extra points if telling Chris doesn't go well so they're trying to figure that out and cell service is spotty and they don't know what the other is thinking because they're so far away and if they were closer, they would just be together and solve the problem, but they're not so they're relying on delayed messages and downed phone lines and a game of phone tag.

And then, obviously, Buck gets home, and they realize they were spiraling over nothing because they've been building a life together for far longer than the few months they've been kissing, and Buck sits and talks with Christopher, and everything is fine.

AND THEN I NEED TIM TO LEAVE THEIR RELATIONSHIP ALONE. No breakups like in a lot of other main couples (Chenford, Booth & Brennan, I'm looking at you guys.) no! None of that! They've suffered enough, give them plot lines without breaking them up.

Give them better arcs with their parents, BRING US EDDIE'S GODDAMN SISTERS and the drama I K N O W is hiding there. Give us Buck focusing on his career (and also maybe slip in an official ADHD diagnosis, what, who said that?) Give us them talking about raising another kid, kill off an obscure family member and a stroll down memory lane (I absolutely do not mean Isabel Diaz, you keep your filthy paws OFF Eddie's abuela, bitches. I love her so so so so much lol).

Give them character arcs that have nothing to do with them possibly breaking up. They deserve storyline's that are more than just about their love interest. Literally, Buck's coming out wasn't even about him, it was all about Tommy and I'm so sick of it. Buck and Eddie are interesting characters! They are M A I N characters, give them better storylines. (Esp Eddie bc genuinely, wtf have you all done to my boy??)

[floralcyanide]

neil with a gf who's obsessed with music (esp physical media) just as much he is with films ... :)

Neil Lewis Headcanons

Neil Lewis x Reader

masterlist

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ʀᴇᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀs ᴏɴ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ, ᴀᴏ3, ᴡᴀᴛᴛᴘᴀᴅ, ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴇʙsɪᴛᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ɪɴ ᴀɪ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟɪɢᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ᴛᴏ sᴇʟʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

✺ did someone say vinyl? it’s your absolute favorite thing in the world. the way it crackles when it’s an older press and the cool things that are inscribed in the inner part of the record also pique your interest. you actually met your boyfriend Neil at a music store.

✺ you were going through the CD section when he caught your eye. there’s a movie section of the record store too- filled with VHS tapes and discs. he stood out as someone who had never been in there before. you would know because you come in twice every week.

✺ you offered assistance to him, scaring him nearly to death. Neil jumped out of his skin when you touched his shoulder gently. “looking for anything specific?” “not really, just looking for now.” “what kind of movies do you like?” and little did you know your question would cause you to sit and talk to Neil for two hours in the sitting area of the store.

✺ Neil is a stickler for physical tapes and discs. he fears the day that video stores become obsolete. you’re just like him but in a musical sense- anything vinyl, cassette, or disc was your forte. and you too fear the day those medias aren’t able to be bought anymore.

✺ you visit Neil’s video store and immediately fall in love with it. the posters and decor make it seem homey and loved.

✺ you and Neil become fast friends and bond over physical media. you make Neil listen to your favorite albums while he makes you watch his favorite films. it’s a win-win type of relationship that blossoms over time.

✺ you never thought you could love someone as you love music but then Neil came into your life. Neil never thought he’d love anyone as much as he loves movies, but he was wrong. you both love each other and each other’s interests as if they were your own.

✺ one day you have your earbuds in and are listening to your iPod Nano while on the couch of Neil’s video store. he put on a cheesy romance movie, which you didn’t mind, even though it wasn’t either of your tastes. you rip out your earbuds and pay attention to the plot of the movie. you coo at the male main character finally proposing to his best friend. “that’s adorable. I can’t wait for that someday.” when Neil, who is beside you, doesn’t answer, you glance over at him. he is beaming at you with a ring pop in his hands. “marry me?” you laugh, “yes. I’ll marry you Neil.” “I’m serious! I don’t have enough for an actual ring right now but please imagine this watermelon ring pop as the real thing.” “you’re kidding. Neil.” you nearly start crying when you slide the candy ring on your finger.

taglist:

@sstar-ggirl @ldklollord @thecherrycocktail @dunklerkeks1611 @hllywdwhre @ecstaticforus @faelvz @ceruleanrainblues @yongi-lee @juuuvis @Keigoshousewife @jakeotters

[allyriadayne]

yeah i'm gonna need a full breakdown of the deleted rhaenyra and jace scene

LET'S GO THEN

there are SO many things i want to say about it. it's literally been my white whale since it was announced as a cut scene. i was hopping one of the scenes op talked about with jace was that i'm sooo happy it was. my main reasons were that 1) it's a jace/rhaenyra scene and those are always juicy and 2) jacegon reasons. i'll be using text from the original post here btw.

under the cut for more jace, rhaenyra, jace AND rhaenyra and some jace and aegon <3

"Daemon fights like an unrelenting tempest with little regard for his well-being [...] Daemon hungers for war, and he'll have it one way or another"

I love that the scene begins with daemon fighting other knights and in a sort of frenzy. he's obviously expressing his grief over viserys and visenya both, and how angry he is about the situation. i think it's such a great contrast with how rhaenyra and jace are presented in comparison. jace finds rhaenyra in "deep contemplation" as she watches over daemon. it's such a great element in their dynamic because as much as rhaenyra doesn't want war, she's as angry and as grief-stricken as daemon, but cannot express herself in the same way for fear of losing her image in front of the other lords. daemon has always been her outspoken twin, he's her sword and shield and like a dragon he's expressing what she cannot. it really is so good how they represent one half of a whole. delicious.

then jace comes to her and says

"Daemon wants to fight for us."

SO interesting that earlier in the episode we have jace and daemon in explicit opposition. daemon wants to act, jace is heeding rhaenyra's orders of not doing anything except by her command. daemon obviously doesn't respect him because he's a man who respects actions and jace is still a boy without experience neither political or in a war. i'm in the camp that while jace also doesn't respect daemon nor wants or likes him as a stepfather/father figure, he accepts him as part of the family and implicitly feels safe in his presence. he is his siblings' father, the man who raised (loosely! daemon is still daemon <3) joffrey when harwin and laenor died. he's known him for six years and seen him every day.

this scene is also after daemon threatens the KG in front of jace with caraxes so i think a minimum of respect for daemon's war knowledge made jace trust the he would do anything for rhaenyra and her children. /he wants to fight for us/.

"I wonder. Will you?"

"will you?" SO delicious because while jace will heed her commands to stop daemon from plotting, he does NOT agree with her approach! very very interesting. makes sense when he says "send us" when all rhaenyra wants is to keep her children safe. obviously direct parallel to ep 2:

"I will always fight for my family... but this is not as simple as one of the other"

rhaenyra is understandably reticent to enter war full on. her first experience with it has her losing a baby. and added to this is that just /the day before/ she's spent and more or less amenable afternoon with both family. it's not easy when it's not what viserys would want and what could possibly be his last wish.

it's also about alicent of course. it's not easy to give the order to kill or imprison the woman you considered your best friend and who probably is one of the few people with whom rhaenyra had a deep relationship in her life.

"It could not be simpler. If you accept Aegon's terms, you will forfeit my life. And Luke's and Joff's."

another crash between them! as much as they are a lot alike, they butts head more often than not, esp when jace doesn't agree how rhaenyra is handling an issue like harwin's funeral and now the war. but in all this, he still supports and respects her because he very pointedly questions her in private, both in driftmark and in here. when he was younger, he could've confronted her in public out in the yard, but to me jace learned very early or assumed to himself that he could be (and is!) her mother's most steadfast ally as her heir and young prince and that meant playing the politics game, and in this case to question her in private rather than in public where he could undermine her.

it also comes from the very public humiliation the kids, and jace as the eldest and most cognizant of the situation, have faced by their peers. he knows the power of rumors and whispering, what it does first hand and would not and does not want rhaenyra to face them too, or at least not from something he could've avoided. in this scene he is acting like one of her loyal lords, advising her to take one way or the other. acting like the prince he is.

it is also very interesting that he mention's "aegon's terms" when it's very obvious the terms came from alicent, maybe he doesn't know the full extend of the conversation on the bridge. in any case, it's clear aegon's on his mind. in early 2023 all we knew of the scene was that jace said "we shouldn't trust the usurper". jace wants to know what is to be done about him because he knows how aegon is, how long aegon holds grudges and his negative attitude (indifferent more like) to renew their old bonds (ouch!). esp after last night's dinner where aegon couldn't wait to bother him and join aemond in the antagonism to jace's immense dislike.

he thinks that if aegon had the chance he would kill them because they represent a risk to him claim. i personally don't think aegon would, but it's a real risk that jace is aware and that rhaenyra doesn't seen to grasp.

"Rhaenyra looks at him quizzically." "If you do not claim the throne, we will be taken hostage, or sent to the wall, or put to the sword. I do not know which fate will await us, but I do know they will call us "bastards" first."

the first line kills me because out of context it makes rhaenyra look naive but i think it does make sense for the rhaenyra we see in the bridge. what i said earlier, she's still reeling from the alicent from the diner /the night before/. the alicent that proclaimed her a good queen and begged her to stay with her. it's difficult! but i think it shows very well how complicated her feelings are in this.

this is also the point were jace and rhaenyra start having two different conversations: rhaenyra is still absent, "deep in contemplation", while jace is pushing and pushing. he wants answers, he wants to act! he doesn't care about alicent the queen who always sneered at him and called for luke's eye, he wants to ask about the boy from his childhood (girl, the parallels) who betrayed him so many times. and he's right! i think he's trying to soften the blow, this is the second time he's said he and his velaryon brothers will forfeit their life if they lose, if rhaenyra fails to act. this talk is also driven by self preservation and it's why he's siding with daemon this time. it kills me that rhaenyra has comforted luke all ep 10 but because jace is presenting himself as an equal in this conversation, not as her son, he doesn't get any kind of comfort. he's clearly thinking of death. and he's sixteen. and his mother doesn't know how to comfort him.

in this case, it's jace wanting rhaenyra to see him beyond of what he presents. beyond the perfect prince who's pushed through earth-shattering revelations about his identity. he wants her to see him and answer for once.

"but I do know they will call us "bastards" first". this jace knows with certainty. they might kill him or they might sent him to the wall, but they will call him a bastard as they do it. this is one of jace's touchiest points and weaknesses. every time he's called that he's flipped, due to under processed anger issues (hii harwin) and the repression he's going through to Just Not Think About It. i think it took a lot from jace to say this to rhaenyra's face. the first time it's when he confronts rhaenyra after harwin leaves and you see it's something he has thought about for some time

and later when they are in driftmark where the passions are high

note that he doesn't yell the word. he whispers it to her. he knows the power of it and how angry rhaenyra would become, it's a key word there. and one here too. in the cut scene he's trying to get... let's say a rise out of rhaenyra. to make her understand what will mean for them to get captured. to me it's so visceral because i don't think jace had ever consciously said or thought himself in such after driftmark and after aegon's betrayal. and i don't think that is how he framed it for luke when he told him about their parentage either. even in the audition for child luke, jace's lines frame the issue differently: "I think he thinks we don't belong here [...] we don't look like Targaryens. You must have noticed".

"Alicent gave her word that you would be treated kindly."

they are NOT having the same conversation!

"The word of an usurper means little and less."

either aegon or alicent, jace doesn't trust their word. the king and queen are one power in paper, but i bet jace is thinking about this too

his words means little and less to jace, he who was a victim and at the same time someone who enabled most of aegon's bullying behaviors. he knows him best. but jace also knows that aegon wouldn't bother with lies either. he was trying to unite the family during dinner, but time has shown him he shouldn't have bothered to carve himself to be someone aegon liked anymore. from the same audition video jace says: "so let us be good sons and please those who love us so they may forget what we lack". aegon will never forget! and even if jace or aegon want to break from this, they must play their part because they are too far along.

"In the yard below, Daemon can be heard SHOUTING for a fallen knight to get up and to come at him again. He prowls the fighting ground like a tiger protecting his den. He calls them out, taunting them -- a cruel avenger."

once again daemon as the externalization of their anger! "like a tiger protecting his den"!

"Jace and Rhaenyra reach stalemate; the conversation ends in silence."

my favorite part! this conversation could've never reached anywhere with these too. the issue is too thorny and they are too alike to want to see the other completely. jace is too angry and rhaenyra is too detached.

all in all, i wish they had kept the scene. it furthers rhaenyra and jace's relationship and gives a little bit more of characterization to jace and his relationship with aegon. loved seeing jace oppose rhaenyra and at the same time support her and take the lead when it's needed.

thanks for asking!

gifs mine, screencaps mine. script from the link above.

[artemx746]

What are your thoughts on canon Percabeth?

Hmm, in more recent years canon Percy and Annabeth have gotten on my nerves both as individual characters and as a pairing.

It's probably obvious if you follow me that I did not like Wrath, there's a lot about it that just made me so frustrated but this is not about my opinions on the book but more on it's characterisation. There are people a lot more knowledgeable than me on how both Percy and Annabeth's characters have fallen in their time but I can summarise my own thoughts on them. (I could probably give some thoughts on Grover but that would mean I'd need to reread wottg which... no)

I actually really liked pjato percabeth, as a lot of people did, they were hardly my favourite ship or even my favourite characters but I could truthfully say they were well written as both characters and felt like a natural pairing. And then Hoo came along. I think the main reasons I have for disliking Percabeth in these books would be that they also suffer from the whole 'too many characters, not enough time' thing and also, they're constantly put on this pedestal of being a "Perfect romance" and it just gets so irritating that it gets hard to enjoy them.

Probably not too unpopular opinion (idk I haven't seen anyone else with it but I also don't stray beyond the ta fandom most days): I don't like Percabeth going to Tartarus. Nico? Yes I fw that, but having a whole book where the A plot is percabeth in Tartarus just feels weird. Personally, I think that trying to describe 'indescribable horror' makes them a lot less horrific. Again, not too sure if this is just a personal gripe but I don't see Tartarus as that much of a bad place anymore (esp. after tsats).

There are hoo-era books that do percabeth well, ie. demigods and magicians because they're allowed to be separate characters and work well as a team. Y'know, like how a good relationship is written.

Cotg and Wottg (plus that 1 scene in tsats) all suffer from dumbing down Percy and not giving Annabeth enough time separate from him. The closest we get to Annabeth alone time is the first book of mcga where she's in 2 scenes. In SotD she's there with Percy (sidenote: I don't like how they were written in sotd, bad vibes there I can't really describe it). Dumbing down Percy has a whole lot of problems but it also just loses one of the things I really like about pjato percabeth. Ta server can attest I've lamented about this before but one of my favourite scenes in pjo is the one in SoM where Annabeth fails to spell Cyclops and Percy realised that beneath all her pride Annabeth is still a disabled kid like him. Percy has always been very smart and having him lose that means he loses one of the parts of his character that makes him interesting.

Another interesting thing is that I have read all the main books, there are still some side stories I've yet to read mostly the ghostwritten ones, and I don't like percabeth that much but my friend has only read up to about half of moa if that and he is pretty neutral on percabeth but my other friend who has onky read pjo? She really likes percabeth. It's one of those things that I'd never expect to show how much the writing of them he devolved so quickly

This is getting very long oopsies but my opinion on percabeth depends on the era they are in and if that era is post-hoo chances are I will not like them

[orngbanana]

ooo fengs ask you wanna talk about the fengs so bad oo

yes tumblr user possessable anything for you tumblr user possessable

these are so scrambled my god

the fengs, the fengs, i love the fengs an unhealthy amount, you give me any kind of codependent relationship in media and i'll gobble it up but codependent siblings just hit different esp twins

nuwa, nuwa, nuwa, poor, fucked up nuwa, as a younger sibling myself i relate to the feeling of not wanting to let go of your older sibling in any circumstance but MAN does she take it all the way

you could say that keeping your brother’s corpse “alive” and animated is an unhealthy way to deal with grief but omg who cares omg who careeersss?? (nuwa does)

as long as he's still with her nothing else matters, after all, he's still moving, even if it's wrong and his body isn't holding itself up right, he's still talking, even if it's barely discernible or hard for others to hear it; with those two things in mind he's basically all well and healthy! right?

i desperately want to know more about their life and thoughts before the main plot, we can get glimpses of it–the whole theater and opera love they had, nuwa has her feet binded so she cant walk at all, either hovering on that seat she has or sitting on fuxi’s lap; maybe he carried her most of the time before she got the former

we can assume nuwa’s a spoiled person, comes with being rich as all fuck, but with her feet being Like That i don't think she wasn't a victim of the beauty standards that we know of and whenever we see her in both of their memories she's not doing much but sitting and enjoying any moment she has with her brother, not doing any clan duties apart from organizing banquets so maybe she wasn't planned to have a busy future at all

she relies on fuxi for most of her decisions, she looks up to him a big amount, and in turn fuxi coddles her maybe a bit TOO much, telling her to not mind the diseased civilians they encounter–it's not their fault that they got sick and it's certainly not nuwa’s or his fault that it happened, so she can look away and not think about it, he'll make sure her worries are as minimal as possible

but wow what happens when he becomes one of the diseased? will she look away from that too? fuxi was basically as good as gone by the time they arrived in New Kunlun, so what was left for nuwa then? i don't think she was well versed in politics, so how would she lead without her brother? luckily she won't have to think about that either–eigong’s here to save the day!!

so her brother’s all well and dandy now and they can go back to their usual dynamic, yippee!!

i wonder if fuxi could actually form words even in his state, it's said he grunted out sounds but nuwa seemed to understand him just fine; that is if his talking isn't just one of her many delusions she leans onto so she doesn't have to acknowledge that he's rotting

with that said i have a lot of fuxi thoughts even if his actual self isn't seen much, he was raised to be his clan’s leader and loved theater, his profile said he was frivolous but responsible and i'm dying thinking about if his frivolous side is the one he showed nuwa the most, if he could be as relaxed as possible whenever he was with her and dutiful and stern when it came to his duties

obviously he was the more aware one of the situation with the virus and all and he still chose to shield her from that instead of bringing her attention to it so they could work on it together; it's clear that their relationship wasn't built on equality even if they loved e/o deeply–i could even self-indulgently compare it to an overprotective parent and their child who they think isn't qualified to deal with or think too much about the horrors around them so they simply drive their attention away from those things to keep their innocence in tact

and yet i still don't think he was as codependent with her as she was with him, maybe because he was so sure of her safety and well-being that he didn't feel like he had to crowd her with his presence, she has everything she could ever want in life, right? as long as she doesn't focus on the problems surrounding them and instead on the pleasures then he can be at ease

i will def ramble more later but im tired rn

[youryurigoddess]

Case study and analysis of the 1992 Good Omens movie screenplay (“the shitscript”) in light of the ongoing WGA strike

As one could suspect, the topic of the 1992 Good Omens movie screenplay and its infamy has recently emerged from the depths of the fandom. In light of the ongoing WGA strike it’d be good to properly address this issue, starting with Neil Gaiman’s own recollection written in 2004:

It’s basically the same old story — of brilliant creative workers struggling under the pressure of detached studio executives and being legally forced to mutilate their work again and again for no artistic or economic reason — we’ve heard before in many different contexts.

If you’re reading this and somehow still wondering why writers are fighting for their rights at the moment, their job security hasn’t changed much since then. Please follow the WGA, SAG-AFTRA, and other unions’ official channels for detailed information and ways to help the cause.

Anyway, it took over a decade and an enormous effort to print the screenplay in a limited edition of 552 copies. It can’t be distributed otherwise due to IP law, but some fans shared its fragments online and heavily criticized them, dubbing the 1992 source material #shitscript

There’s been obviously a lot of controversies over the changes in the plot and the relationship between the main characters. And rightfully so — the number of iterations has created something very different from the beloved book and the award-winning show we can all enjoy today.

It’s… objectively not good. Wouldn’t be considered a hit back then and certainly not by today’s standards. I don’t think I would watch it in any other way than through channel surfing. However, it’s not a monstrosity some people believe it to be and not a case of low effort.

Let’s start with the world building: the setting wasn’t changed to the US. It’s still very much based in the UK, mostly London and Tadfield, although the latter lies now by the sea and seems much more ominous. Interestingly, the British Museum becomes a prominent location as well.

The main character and the designated hero is not surprisingly Crowley, this time in his 90s anti-hero glory. If you haven’t watched many movies of this era, esp. dark fantasy, this trope involves middle-age disenchantment, cynicism, as well as hefty doses of sarcasm and brooding.

90s anti-heroes are a dark, grim, and unnecessarily violent embodiment of power fantasy, matching the destructive ideology of that time. Combined with uber-masculinity and performative strength over weaker characters, nowadays they naturally evoke more cringe or worry than awe.

1992 iteration of Crowley is basically in his Furfur era. Deeply unhappy and stuck in a dead end job, all he talks about is how he hates Earth and his assignment here, considering a transfer to Alpha Centauri as his one and only possibility of career advancement. Or life, really.

The talking part is important here, because he clearly compensates by insulting everything and everyone. He hates on the whole planet at length only to confess that he’d rather stay here with Aziraphale due to “no good restaurants”, “no decent bottle of wine” in Alpha Centauri.

Yes, he’s verbally abusive in his automatic response to stress. But doesn’t hate Aziraphale. In one particular scene he calls Azi stupid twice only to assure him that they are friends and to offer to solve the problem when he sees that his words were taken seriously and hurt him.

Crowley refers to him as “my angel” and “my dear Aziraphale”, agrees to Aziraphale’s suggestion of sharing a room, praises the angel as a “miracle worker around the home”, drinks the tea he makes for him, and generally proves to be much softer towards him than he wants to admit.

Aziraphale, on the contrary, wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s the one engineering ways to spend more time together, following Crowley around, checking up on him (including miracling himself into his apartment and office when no one answers the door), offering help right away.

He’s successfully calming Crowley down through his anxiety attacks, overcomes his dislike of heights (!) for Crowley, directly challenges him and even breaks rules only to make Crowley stay with him. Crowley seems to be his main motivation in this movie, not the saving the world.

1992 Aziraphale also has the most badass scene in the whole Good Omens multiverse to date, taking a 180 degree turn from the typical guardian angel we all know and love to the real angel of wrath protecting Crowley from harm in his true form.

But there’s no Their Side in this universe. The only semblance of that concept appears in the context of Anathema not representing either of their respective bosses, but humanity. “That’s the trouble with the humans. They’re on their own side.”

This Crowley appears not as much on Hell’s side as under Satan’s heel. He’s scared of him and subservient, and needs Aziraphale to prevent his escape as a pretext to do what is right. He lets the angel stop him by pretending that he doesn’t even see him cheating during their duel.

By finally standing up to his toxic boss (Satan is like Gabriel during the body-swapped trial, suave and cruel) and leaving Hell’s side to do good, Crowley takes an emancipated and employee-focused stance instead of fighting for his relationship with Aziraphale like shown in S1.

Which is a shame, but matches the overall tone of the screenplay and the times it was written in. The concept of free will, while simplified in a true Hollywood-style to issues like mind control and fear, is still crucial to this interpretation of the Good Omens original plot.

Especially the character of Anathema is seen fighting both of these things. There’s no Agnes Nutter with her prophecies here, only a 21-year-old witch and her will to thwart the ultimate evil versus her fear of doing it at a cost of one boy’s life, versus Satan’s brainwashing.

Madame Tracy appears slightly redesigned as a new character as well, but isn’t 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 for the most part. She’s been enjoying her youth way too much to see how fast it was fleeting, and this sudden realization left her in shock from which she denies to come back.

Unfortunately she’s also the one who took in baby Adam and now stays under his care. The level of his parentification is unnerving, much like his bullying and loneliness. He struggles to be loved and ask for love, which becomes his main quest beyond, y’know, the apocalypse thing.

Don’t worry, despite everything all ends well just like in the book. The family of two gets a chance to start again on much healthier terms and Anathema to live for herself for the first time in years. Our heroes get back in their car, Crowley tempting Aziraphale with an apple.

All in all, this whole post is a very long reminder for Amazon Prime to #PayYourWriters, #PayYourActors, and #RenewGoodOmens! The strike is still ongoing and crucial for any new content for this and many other fandoms #GiveMeS3orGiveMeDeath

[literaticat]

Hi Jenn. Can I ask you some info about “cozy” mysteries? I’m part of a writers group and recently shared some details about the plot of my novel and others in the group keep throwing around this term in relation to my book. Thing is I’m not sure if what I’ve written is a cozy mystery. I mean, it sort of is but also not. It’s a murder mystery and it’s set in a cozy UK village but it’s also kind of dark, with themes dealing with grief and thriller elements. I’m also querying UK agents to start with before I query US ones and while it looks like the term is maybe international I’m also wondering if it’s more US than UK? My comps are Agatha Christie, esp her Poirot novels which I see some saying online are cozy and others saying aren’t cozy, plus modern authors like Graham Norton and Tom Hindle. I know I can ask some of this in my group but I’m embarrassed to as I don’t know if I’ve written a cozy or not or given it’s kind of darker, if I’ve just written a murder mystery. I know this isn’t your area but if you could help me I’d really appreciate it, thank you.

With the caveats that I don't rep adult mysteries, I don't really read adult mysteries, I don't know anything about the market for adult mysteries in the US *or* the UK, nor what terminology is in use for the UK since I am not in the UK? Uh. Sure.

In my opinion, there are four main attributes for a proper cozy.

A cozy mystery must:

Feature an amateur sleuth. In other words -- the main character's JOB is not to solve crimes -- they are not a cop or P.I. or FBI agent or forensic pathologist or whatever. They may be a reporter or a novelist or a little old lady who happens to have a passion for puzzles -- they may be a kooky barista or bookstore owner or chef or something totally not-crime related!

Have a charming setting. By that I mean, warm, cute, safe-feeling -- say, a village/hamlet/vicarage called Button-on-Twee with a delightfully quirky cast of characters. The kind of place you want to take a weekend vacation to. (Not all villages/small towns are like that. Plenty of REAL small towns are in fact impoverished and bleak -- that wouldn't be the case in a cozy small town). It doesn't HAVE to be a village, it could be something like a hotel, vacation resort, or on a large yacht or something -- as long as it's charming/lovely. If it is set in a city, it would be like a pocket-neighborhood within a city. Like, maybe there's a darling B&B and a brownstone full of chatty neighbors and pets on a street that has a kindly greengrocer and a bookstore etc -- and we stay in that little corner of town, far away from skyscrapers and dangerous bits. It would be much harder, IMO, for a cozy to be set on like, a remote and isolated desert planet or farm in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors or something -- those things are not cozy!

Be "clean" -- ie, no explicit sex or grisly violence on page. Obvs there may be romance/relationships, love/kissing, etc if you want, but it will be closed-door, ie, the actual uh... graphic bonking stuff may be implied but will not be shown. Obvs there may be murders, but think, like, the level of violence on Murder She Wrote -- MAYBE we see an assailant whack somebody on the head or something like that -- but when bodies are shown, they are rather discreetly presented, or are discovered off-screen. They aren't showing twisted bodies or guts and gore and maggots in eyes and whatnot, yanno?

Be comforting and satisfying. Like, idk, it's just a vibe. Though there may be murder and light mayhem and delving into some of the darker parts of the human psyche (after all, MURDER, hello!) -- and the reader may certainly experience SUSPENSE (how will our hero get out of this jam?!) -- they will not experience TERROR. The reader knows they are in good hands and that the problems will be satisfyingly resolved and the main character will be OK at the end. They should come away from the book feeling satisfied, with a smile, not upset or stressed out.

If your book ticks ALL of those boxes, you can deffo call it a cozy.

If it ticks 3/4, like, it's sorta borderline 4, as long as the vibe is still comforting, it still could potentially be a cozy, but at the end of the day: If you don't think it's cozy, that's fine. Just... don't call it cozy then! Call it a mystery and then describe it and put the comps and let people come to their own conclusions.

(FWIW, Miss Marple is an amateur sleuth whose books are mostly set in a small town or vacation destinations -- Hercule Poirot is a former cop and professional detective whose books are set all over the map, literally. So by my definition, Poirot books are not cozies. Marple books might be -- but I haven't read them, so IDK about the vibe!)

[bunnakit]

hellooo i love reading your opinions but im too shy to ask you this off anon so here it is. I’m like you enjoying the sign and loved the direction of the recent ep so I don’t really understand the divisive reactions on tumblr esp since twitter seems to always heap praise on the show. what are your thoughts on how phaya tharn’s relationship has been paced? and how do you think it may be concluded? I saw some people on here being disheartened and expecting a sad ending but I don’t really see that to be the case and I for one have loved their r/s pacing and also the mythology (my main gripe would be some of the way the cases were handled). but what’s your opinion on that and why people here are more divisive about the show? (While all opinions are valid some of the criticism almost feels nitpicky but I would love to hear your thoughts on this!)

QUICK NOTE- ANON SENT THIS BEFORE THIS SATURDAY'S EPISODE, SO THIS ABOUT EPS 1-8 hello love!! sorry it took me a bit to put together my thoughts and feel like my brain was put together and, well, i still haven't accomplished that but i didn't want to leave you on read any longer. also you're ALWAYS welcome to DM me here or discord or wherever! but i totally get being too shy lol despite how i am on the dash i am also very shy

so, i can kind of understand where people are coming from in that there wasn't a lot of courting between phaya and tharn which may make it seem like their relationship was fast tracked. idk, i'm not entirely sure what other people's thoughts are on it, i've kind of just been scrolling past posts that have complained or seemed like they didn't like it. i welcome everyone's opinions but i don't always want to read all of them (and i expect people not to read mine if it's not for them.)

i think it's important to keep in mind that courtship can look different for everyone and while they didn't go on dates, didn't overtly flirt, etc. they've been performing a delicate dance between each other and flirting very much in their own ways (from the hat tugs, the sparring, the attitude.) sometimes flirting is being obnoxious, getting on someone's nerves simply because you know how. half the time my husband flirts with me is my driving me fucking crazy because he's the only person in the world that knows exactly what makes me tick.

i think it also helps to keep in mind the fantasy element here; that wansarut and sakuna live inside tharn and phaya and are drawn towards each other and i think sometimes tharn and phaya's own feelings and attraction have to play catch up. i think some elements of their dynamic were very much both tharn not wanting to get close because of his fears but also not fully realizing the depths of his feelings because they seemingly came out of nowhere (wansarut.)

overall, i've really enjoyed the pacing, enjoyed how they've fallen together through various circumstances, how we've seen tharn's resistance dwindle until he finally had to let himself have the object of his desire. i also think it's a very adult relationship, it's really not all that messy or complicated once you remove the fantasy elements. sometimes desire comes first and love comes later. sometimes things begin physical and end in love.

there is no set roadmap for romance or relationships and to pigeon hole BL couples into a set pattern is a little silly in my opinion. their journey just looks a little different, it doesn't mean they aren't in love. we also have to keep in mind that there's so much going on in this show plot wise that to focus more on romance and courtship would steal time away from other elements that are already struggling to get addressed.

"but doesnt that mean the show is trying to do too much?"

sure, but i'd rather a show strive to do too much than do too little. i love to see the ambition and the passion behind it and even if things aren't concluded perfectly there's so much the sign has done right (addressing that men are also victims of sexual assault, constantly reminding us that tharn - while smaller and seemingly more 'effeminate' - is still every bit as strong and capable as phaya, the continuous reminders that they are a switch partnership, showing us that sex can be goofy and funny with khem and thongtai, etc.) i'd much rather all of this than to watch a show that made me feel nothing at the end of the day and the show has done SO much to educate foreigners on Thai culture. (the copaganda could go tho, we all know i'm an ACAB bitch so i DO have to wear blinders during those scenes lmao)

sorry- i got a wee bit off track. ANYWAY how would i like to see it concluded?

i'm a little torn because there are so many ways i'd be happy. i'd be happy if they finally rid themselves of chalothorn forever and were finally able to be together in peace. (i think everyone's ideal ending)

i'd be happy with a timeline where phaya dies to protect tharn in a reverse parallel of their first life, with a renewed promise.

i'd be happy if they died together and began the cycle once again.

two of these i recognize are HELLA unpopular opinions, but there's really not much this show could do to make me unhappy as long as they stick to the story and the narrative foils they've put in place. i think the only thing i would be unhappy with is if something felt like it came out of left field.

thank you SO much for this ask. i was so flattered i read it out loud to my husband the other day. i'm always SO open to asks like this and really find it so sweet that anyone out there values my opinion at all, i'm just a silly little guy

[louiseleblancdiggory]

i’ll try to say this the best and nicest way possible, but i think one of the main causes for so many of the discussions in the acotar fandom today is that people have consumed so much fast media that they have forgotten how to differentiate it from books that don’t fall within that category.

don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with fast media— books that are a sit down, read easy, get up. but the thing is that, for that model to work, authors need to make sure that the readers are not leaving the book unsatisfied. if the reader finds too many plot holes, or if they are left with more questions than they had before when it’s clear that the author doesn’t plan on expanding them in the future, they are frustrated. and so those books won’t sell. the solution is, obviously, to “spoon-feed” the reader with the information. scenes can be analyzed by themselves because the author always makes sure to include explanations for what would otherwise be unspoken. surprises are these dramatic turns, because often there is no in depth foreshadowing. what is is either said or explicitly thought, and so the reader knows it all. 

again, nothing wrong with it!! there are multiple books that i love that would fall into this category. however..... i feel like some people are having an increasingly harder time separating the expectations you have when going into a fast media book versus a book that is part of a series that has been slowly building up for years. when observing a series such as a court of thorns and roses, you are not supposed to know everything about everyone— the lack of certain knowledges regarding certain characters (esp. mor or elain) is not a “plot hole” or “lazy writing”. you are simply not supposed to know it yet!!! i think that people expect all nuances to be talked about or solved as soon as they are presented, when that is just not the point of a series. for example, of course you don’t know much about elain?? she was written in an incredibly vague manner on purpose throughout the series. of course she hasn’t dealt with her seer powers or rejected the mating bond because what sense would it make for her to do that in a book that isn’t her own?? people just have to learn to wait

i think another impact is that, as i said before, in certain books, scenes can be interpreted in a vaccuum. in series such as acotar, doing so will only create a wrong interpretation of characters because their personality has been both spoken and unspokenly built throughout the books. for example, analyzing the extra bonus chapter from azriel’s point of view within a vaccuum would create the image of a character that is completely different than the image that would be created if you took in consideration his character construction in past books (especially the parts that are not outwardly said but still very clear). analyzing rhys’s character in acosf without considering the construction of nesta and rhys’s relationship would obviously create a character that is completely different from the one we have seen in past books.

yall can’t wait. yall can’t let things marinate anymore because you need all the answers now, and so you assume that the author has already given you the answers. this only causes for wrong interpretations!!

[besttropeveershowdown]

The Most Annoying Trope Showdown: Round 2, Poll 5

All Just a Dream

The reveal that a certain plotline was all a dream.

Propaganda:

It immediately kills all stakes, breaks audience immersion, and basically makes the case 'you should never have been invested in that plotline'. An incredibly unsatisfying ending.

It's just so lazy and makes everything pointless! What changed? Everyone is exactly the same as before the story. Not to mention that's not how dreams work, unless you immediately write it down you're gonna forget the vast majority of the dream really quick, if you even remember it at all. And dreams are messy and don't make sense, they jump from location to location and don't follow a coherent plot. If a character is dreaming, it should be very obvious because they're so different from reality.

Babies Ever After

Ending trope in which to show a couple is happy, it timeskips to them with children

Propaganda:

Trope voted most likely to be approved by the leader of the Mormon church. The most banal seeping of patriarchal standards into otherwise benign media. No matter what the characters have achieved, no matter what their lives have been like, getting married and reproducing must mean they're happy and their lives are fulfilled, right? Please don't ask about their friends or careers. Extra points for when the characters in question have never expressed a fondness for children or a desire for a family, which is often.

To be fair, my main ire is when it happens to like ALl of the cast but also like. Can we not equate having babies with something you need to be happy. That's already a mindset pushed way too damn much on women irl and I don't fucking want it in my fiction. Let me at least imagine some of my faves also woudl be happy without kids.

It's twee. It's aggressively heteronormative. And it invites terrible sequels about the next generation learning the exact same lessons their parents did but less interesting.

not always the worst but it can be annoying esp on a grand scale that everyone's happy ending is only the happiest with some babies

It's cowardice. It's getting scared of your own story and running back to the safe and easy option of nuclear families. Plus as someone who always knew I didn't want to be pregnant, seeing so many stories end this way just never sat right with me, also because I'm gay and these are almost always done by pairing off characters in neat straight relationships. I'm also going to acknowledge that a lot of my favourite media is fantasy/supernatural stuff, so it feels more ridiculous when it's set in a different world