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symphonyofsilence · 2 years ago

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does Jin Guangyao play a villainous role in Wei WuXian’s story? yes. but is he also the Narrative’s special boy? also, yes.

I don’t remember the post, but the fact that Wei Wuxian, and by extinction, the narrative sympathizes with Jin Guangyao has already been brought up. He draws a comparison between himself and JGY when the crowd suddenly turns against JGY in Lotus Pier and wants WWX to deal with him, and again when the other Sect Leaders led by Sect leader Yao assume that the Guanyin statue is made to resemble JGY himself ‘cause he’s a narcissist, and when people are saying nasty things about JGY in a tavern after his death.

but another way in which the narrative sympathizes with JGY is that every time JGY is shown doing a shitty thing, it’s immediately followed by him being shown in a situation in which he is a victim, or has done something good.

he paralyzes Qin Su after she finds out some horrible truths about him and hides her in the creepy room where WWX finds JGY’s sworn brother’s head? A chapter or an episode after that we see him being trash-talked and cast out by other Nie soldiers when they’re drinking the water he brought, while he’s doing thrice the work they’re doing. we see him cleaning the battlefields and helping the commoners after battles, we see him voluntarily do the work of the servants as a deputy general when they lack staff, and pour people tea, while they rudely clean their cups when they take it from his hands (which NMJ does nothing about), we see him loyally arguing with LXC that he can't leave NMJ for his father’s sect after all NMJ has done for him, and learn that he has saved LXC. CQL shows him in his Meng Yao Era more. We see him repeatedly receive scorn when all he gives others is curtsey and smiles, we see beforehand the Nie Captain be an absolute bitch to him so I'm sure nobody in the audience regretted his loss, but even then we immediately get that jumping in front of NMJ and taking a stab to the chest to save him, and the teary banishment scene that cancels the "guy is now officially a scheming murderer" out.

He's being a bitch to NMJ in the Nightless City? He kills Wen Ruohan & turns out that he has been bravely spying for the Sunshot campaign all this time and they owe him their victory. But even then, he apologizes to NMJ, kneels down, and surrenders himself.

He's protecting Xue Yang? You have him explaining to NMJ why he can't go against his father's wishes, and how he's scared of everything and everyone because he was never given the luxury of safety, status & power, so he can practice that power freely. In the end, NMJ offends his mother and kicks him down the stairs (which he's well aware is a trauma for JGY). Which honor-bound ancient man wouldn't have killed the man who disrespected his mother and kicked him down the stairs? What would have NMJ done had this been done to him? But even then, in the book, the narrative does even more to make JGY sympathetic, LXC comes to NMJ to calm him down, and he says that JGY's in a difficult situation right now. His stepmother beats him & his father doesn't listen to anything he says anymore. Otherwise, he wouldn't have talked back to NMJ. & after that, NMJ's qi deviation happens when he drops eaves on this conversation between LXC & JGY:

I mean if you've tried to murder him thrice, shoved him down the stairs, & called him a whoreson, taken any opportunity to scold him, & you don't like it when he talks back to you, at least let him talk behind your back. He's not even lying or being disrespectful or anything.

He retaliates against WWX & LWJ’s attack by showing WWX as a villain and the way he has killed NMJ comes to light? a few chapters later WWX is surprised that JGY hasn’t visited LXC to demand a search but to tell him that he has prevented everyone from searching the CR and thinks it’s best if LXC, whenever it’s convenient for him opens the doors of the CR so JGY can get this search over with and shut the other sects up. And reassures him that he won’t let LWJ’s reputation be tarnished in any way. (At the stairs of Jinlintai, JGY knew fully well that LWJ was doing what he was doing because he was in love with WWX, as we learn at the Guanyin temple, but he loudly suggested that LWJ is being deceived in front of the crowd to save LXC's brother reputation.) The Donghua even has a wartime flashback from a young Meng Yao saving LXC, feeding him, hiding him, washing his clothes, getting beaten up by the Wen soldiers to keep LXC safe, and even then bringing back food for him with a smile.

He takes everyone hostage, twice (his hostages are children the first time) and is at the peak of his villain moment? You have the whole Guanyin temple thing happening. (which, personally for me, was what really elevated him from an interesting character to my poor little mew mew in my eyes.)

When JGY kneels down, WWX feels uncomfortable. He feels embarrassed on his behalf:

the same effect of inducing pity & sympathy for him is achieved in the show by somber music swelling in this scene, reaction shots, slow-mo, and a wide-shot of everyone in the temple as JGY kneels down to make him look especially small, while almost 2/3 of the shot is of the candles of the Guyanin temple. in the exposition scene when LXC kneels down to hear JGY out, the statue of Guanyin is between them. THE LOCATION OF ALL OF JGY TRAGIC EXPOSITIONS IS A GYANYIN TEMPLE! The temple of the bodhisattva of mercy who is considered to be the physical embodiment of compassion!

And the sympathetic reaction shots when he talks about JGS continue throughout the scene.

then we learn that he had to marry Qin Su because she was already pregnant and he didn’t want QS & JRS to have his and his mother’s fate and that the reason they had to rush things through like this and conceive a child was that JGS might have further caused problems for their marriage because he really disliked his son. and that if a political fall-out happened between Jin & the Qin clan, JGY would get the burn of it. (still a shitty act, but you can’t help but understand where he’s coming from & pity him), he goes on about his father kicking him down the stairs of Jinlintai on his birthday while celebrating JZX’s birthday, we learn about his childhood in the brothel, about JGS saying that he could save Meng Shi but he didn’t ‘cause she would be too much trouble, and that their son wasn’t worth mentioning, we see JGY & SMS deep connection, the show gives us some very good Xiao Shushu & A-Ling moments, & even though it’s been always clear & is especially clear during the whole Guanyin temple scene, we see truly see the depth of love, respect, and loyalty JGY has toward LXC.

We see him in the Villainous Friends chapter telling Xue Yang that he can vandalize people's shops and restaurants for no reason, only under the condition that he doesn't wear the Jin uniform. But it's immediately followed by the mention of the bruise on his head given to him by his stepmother because she can't vent her anger on her cheating husband, who JGY has to retrieve from brothels every night to ensure his safe stay in Jinlintai for another day. We see him massacre the He sect, and right after that, he goes to retrieve his father from the brothel and hears those awful things and you can't help but sympathize with him.

Because what is really important is that you understand Jin Guangyao. There are about 14 chapters in the book and 4 episodes in the show of JGY explaining himself while crying on the floor because it's less about "Jiggy eVIL" & more about look what the society who turned his back on him & his mother when they needed their help, and sneered at them when they tried to improve their situation, and never forgave JGY for being born has done to this man to make him do such horrendous deeds. (And his sword's name is Hensheng. Meaning "hate to be born". They made him never forgive himself for being born either.)

So by saying that X & Y has happened to JGY, and so what he does is for self-preservation, nobody's JUSTIFYING his genocides, & nobody's denying that JGY had a choice in everything he did. Even if his other option was to accept his place, sit down, shut up, and suffer in silence, NOT murdering a whole sect that includes children by doing experiments on them is the better option. The point is that it's not the point. JGY's atrocities are only means in the story to tell the cautionary tale of a classist, cruel society. The things that JGY has gone through cannot be erased from the conversations because "JGY EvIl. Periodt." The Narrative doesn't want the reader to do that! It's specifically structured to put the reason JGY's got to this point on the forefront every time he does a crime. The fight with NMJ's fierce corpse ends as quickly as it begins. The Climax of the story is mostly JGY's monologues. 14 chapters of monologues cannot be dismissed as JGY gaslighting LXC & shedding crocodile tears.

in a story that has Wei WuXian as a protagonist, and literally starts with the monster the society has made of him through rumors and has this theme going on through the rest of the story, especially with JC, and baseless accusations are the first thing that happens when JGY's secrets are out in the Lotus Pier, and then ends with society making a monster out of JGY after his death through rumors when Sect Leader Yao speculates that the statue's face is modeled after JGY himself (which WWX especially comments on), and in the tavern when people made such crude remarks that even those who were participating in the conversation felt uncomfortable, I think it's clear what and who the real villain is.

MXTX could have written people talking about literally any real atrocity that JGY has done, but instead, they talk about what he hasn’t done and read the worst out of his every action in life.

And actually, with everything that JGY has been through, he’s not even the worst case that could come out of his situation. He did have good intentions. For all his genocides, unlike Xue Yang, he didn't actually want to see the world burn. He did help the innocent common folk. He helped them during the sunshot campaign, and with the watchtowers, he fought against systematic corruption, and he treated everyone with respect. He rescued LXC and QS. We don’t know how many others he has personally saved. It's that the means he had to use to have the power to help the poor was incredibly dirty because he was playing an unfair game that was especially designed against him. (I'm not saying helping the poor was his only objective when he tried to gain his father's approval and a secure place in Jinlintai for himself. Though it's sad that he had to fight for these things at all.) The best he could honorably do was be NMJ's deputy general, which didn't save him from being bullied and people cleaning the cups they took from his hands. He knew that if he tried to help the innocent without having the political power to do that, he would end up like WWX. But what he didn’t know was that he would end up like that if he, unlike WWX, played by the rules of the game and compromised his morals anyway. There was no winning for people like them.

Dismissing the good that JGY has done, the real desire he had for helping the poor, and what he’s been through cheapens the character, cheapening JGY’s character to a one-dimensional Marvel villain, and dismissing the commentary that he represents on society as a whole is a disservice to the story. And that’s a crime cause the story is great.

his fall from grace, the heinous acts he had to commit to find himself the slightest bits of safety, security, and respect wouldn’t be that much of a tragedy if he didn’t want to be good and do good for people.

Then there is JGY's death and the framing of it. Here is a wonderful analysis by @sapphicdalliances of why his death wasn't justice and that was the point, how he died because of an act he didn't commit, and here are great analysis by @thatswhatsushesaid & @crithir about how his death is described as a gut-wrenching horrible scene framed through his horrified nephew & ward's eyes, both in the book and in the show, how it didn't bring the Nie brothers any closure either, and how through the lenses of LXC and JL, and by JC’s & WWX’s reaction we see his death as a tragedy.

His death is because of a dishonorable trick. His last act in life, pushing LXC away is an act of love and of forgiveness. In the CQL before that, he pushes Jin Ling out of danger, too.

As said in the aforementioned posts, after it, we don't see a victorious Nie Huaisang or Wei WuXian. In fact, neither of them is victorious.

WWX, and by extension, the narrative blames NHS for his scheming & risking innocent lives. WWX is especially appalled by NHS' treatment of Meng Shi's body. He points out that JGY, being a big liar with a considerable criminal record, will be forever accused of lying, no matter what. While he immediately after brings JGY's last genuine act toward LXC as proof that JGY couldn't have been lying.

In the CQL, he straight-up calls NHS the devil with the coldest tone he's ever had towards NHS.

NHS for his part doesn't seem victorious either.

Dare I say he even looks like despite years of scheming he was not ready for it when JGY pushes Shuoyue deeper inside his own chest. (Who would he be acting for at that moment? Nobody's looking at him. And he’s sweating!)

And I think there's a "no, he didn't" in his last "I don't know." To LXC (at least in the show) when he's insistently asked whether JGY was going to attack LXC or not and he insistently answers "I don't know". It's a confirmation without confirmation.

And then in, IMHO, one of the most beautiful and nuanced scenes, NHS finds A-Yao's hat, in the book, he bends down, picks it up, and quietly goes away (and that's the last we see of Nie Huaisang), in the show he wipes off the dust on it, and his hand finally gets bloodied, literally & metaphorically despite trying his best to not do his dirty work himself. And we get a flashback of A-Yao's childhood that I always assumed we're seeing through NHS because maybe JGY had told him that story. Not only does the order of the scene, combined with NHS' deep in thought look seem like it but also NHS cleans JGY's hat when in that memory A-Yao's mom tells him that he needs to take good care of his hat.

And that scene is especially beautiful because the show went out of its way to show their close relationship pre-time skip. And we see NHS keep A-Yao's principal by cleaning his hat when JGY himself is too dead to do that. Even when the reason for his death is NHS himself. And by NHS getting his hands bloodied while cleaning the hat, and staring at it with a deep, nuanced look, that combination of care & hatred is shown in that scene.

I think he feels empty. He's spent years after years planning this thing. It was his only drive. Now it's over. And it wasn't a grand, victorious moment. It just...happened. and it was something that needed to happen, in his eyes.

And he did love his san-ge for a long, long time before the betrayal came to light for him. And then he hated him for a long, long time. But at that moment with JGY's bloodied hat in his hand? I think that's the moment when love and hatred have both run their passionate course and they've finally reached each other in the middle and collided and ran out of strength and intensity and separate, clear meaning and they just take their exhausted leave together, leaving only a trace behind.

And most prominently we see a devastated LXC and JL. We see Jin Ling's flashback of when his Xiao Shushu gave him his spiritual puppy. We see him being the only one who could cheer JL up when he was down for days.

We see JL choosing to keep loving him despite everything.

His loss is felt and the memory of his good deeds keeps coming back in JL's narrative:

The Narrative doesn't just sympathize with him. The Narrative mourns him.

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darkluminosity · 12 days ago

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Writemas Day 9: Is It Killing You Like It's Killing Me? (1140 words)

Hi!

So I was looking back through previous Writemas posts/prompts (intro to the challenge here) and I was so eager to incorporate some songs into them, creating a song challenge of sorts alongside that challenge. (Because I'm a little crazy like that.)

This piece was inspired by the song “Story of Us” by Taylor Swift.

I heard this song while driving home a few days ago, and an idea popped in my head. I wanted to write a short Euluc piece with some awkwardness (like in the song). It might have some rough spots but oh well, I just wanted to get this random idea out there 😆

I can see Diluc and Eula both being too prideful and stubborn, which ends up hurting them both a bit and complicating things as they continue to not talk to each other. 🥲 (Poor Kaeya, stuck in the middle. I’m not sorry.)

Prompts used:

He watched her speak to the others, he watched her spare him nothing, not a single glance, and still he watched, even as his knuckles turned white by his sides.

The vicious bite of regret

Enjoy! (And I haven't posted this on AO3 yet, wondering if I should. 🤔)

=====

Diluc sighed to himself behind the bar counter as he polished the glasses.

He snuck glances at one group of patrons who were happily chatting and laughing at the far corner of the busy tavern. He couldn't make out anything that was said, nor could he read lips, but the only one on his mind was the light-blue haired woman, the Spindrift Knight from the Lawrence clan…

His brother was at the table as well, with his naturally mischievous smile becoming a little too wide for Diluc’s comfort. It bothered him to no end that he, of all people, was spending time with her.

“Do you want to take their order?” Charles asked, interrupting his thoughts. When the redhead didn't respond and tried to feign an uncaring demeanor, the head bartender nudged him on the shoulder. “C’mon. You should go and talk to them.”

He hesitated, but Charles kept insisting.

“Alright…” He awkwardly stepped out from the counter and headed toward the table.

Kaeya, who was facing in his direction, made a subtle gesture to the others that he was approaching. By the time Diluc was close enough to hear anything, he noticed that the table was substantially quieter.

“Just wanted to check in… does anyone want to order anything else?”

Rosaria and Amber shook their heads. Venti smiled and said something along the lines of paying with a poem, to which the bartender explained (once again) that songs were not a form of payment at Angel’s Share.

“You’re welcome to try your hand at the Cat’s Tail, though I’m fairly certain they follow the same policy,” he quipped.

“No way,” the bard replied with a sigh. “Besides, I’m allergic to cats.”

“Fair enough. I take it you’ll be closing your tab then?” Venti chuckled in reply and made a comment to the others about paying some of them with a song if they would pay for another drink. No one said a word, but everyone started to exchange glances and laugh, as though there was an inside joke between them.

Diluc shrugged and eyed his brother.

“Another Death After Noon, please,” Kaeya said with a smile. They both looked over at Eula, who was sitting next to him. She glanced back at Kaeya and shook her head.

“That’ll be all,” his brother confirmed.

Heading back to the counter, Diluc went to make the Death After Noon and a few other drink requests from the other patrons. His thoughts washed over him, drowning him in a personal cocktail of different emotions– pain, regret, sadness… and anger.

The anger, a mixture of frustration and jealousy, was a new one. He could hear the laughter and singing coming from the table again as he crafted the drinks. Even amidst the busy tavern and having his back to them, he could recognize their laughter, especially his brother’s… and hers.

Turning back to face them, he watched her speak to the others, he watched her spare him nothing, not a single glance. And still he watched, even as his knuckles turned white by his sides.

=====

Eula leaned against the wall near the front door of the tavern, trying her best not to look awkward. She crossed her arms and busied herself with her nails.

“Were you waiting long?” Kaeya asked. She shook her head. “C’mon,” he opened the door and they headed inside together.

The tavern was quite warm, a welcome respite from the brisk winter air outside. Seeing the redhead she had been trying to avoid at the bar counter, she opted to take the table furthest from there.

Dammit, she panicked in her head. What is he doing here, working today?

As they sat down, Kaeya asked what she wanted. Shrugging at first, she eventually told him to surprise her. He headed toward the counter, leaving her alone again. She began to feel that familiar anxiety creep in.

Eula could see the brothers’ interaction in her peripheral, which seemed more forced than usual. She snuck quick glances to notice the tired look in his crimson eyes, and the way his lips pursed into a fine line upon seeing his brother. After a few moments, she decided to take interest in the rest of the tavern, lest he realize she was watching him.

Even so, Eula couldn't stop thinking about him.

Kaeya sighed a few minutes later, returning with two Death After Noons.

“Don't worry about him,” he said before she could open her mouth. He slid the glass over to her.

“I- wasn't,” she insisted. The look on his face told her he wasn't convinced.

“You're not very good at lying, you know that?” He laughed. Eula made a serious face, but it eventually slipped and she giggled, covering her mouth to hide her smile. She couldn't help it– his laughter was too contagious.

Kaeya’s right. I can't really hide how I feel. But I wonder if Diluc knows… if it's killing him like it's killing me…

“Ahem… good evening, Venti. Rosaria.” The two exchanged pleasantries with the pair, eventually sitting down with their drinks as they began to talk among themselves. She tried to ignore the fact that she felt the bartender’s eyes on her, watching her every move. Her pride wouldn't even allow her to satisfy her curiosity. Archons forbid if they made eye contact… she would die from shame if he caught her looking at him.

Then, as Kaeya said he was quickly approaching, her heart raced, anxiety mounting. Not knowing what to do, fumbling to find the words, getting her thoughts in order–

She did… nothing.

Her heart sunk to a new low as Diluc walked back to the counter. She knew she should have said something to him, but her pride had gotten in the way again. She knew she had made things awkward by letting Kaeya speak for her. But she didn't know how to let down her walls anymore. Her heart was too frail– she couldn't trust that it wouldn't be broken if she allowed him in again. Even an inch. And she didn't want to do it in front of the others.

Even though she had hoped for a change, it seemed so unlikely, given the cold silence that ran between them, in his stuffy tavern of all places.

Are things ever going to get better?

Why can't I just let my pride down…

Why can’t he?

She crossed her arms and attempted to listen, occasionally laughing with the others. Ironically, she felt like crying and running away more than anything. But she dared not– she would die with her pride defending her. Acting as though she could care less, as though he wasn't there, as though thoughts of him never crossed her mind since that day…

Inside, she was trapped, a prisoner to that same pride.

Please, she prayed. Save me from this…

#writemas #original post #genshin diluc #genshin eula #euluc #diluc x eula #genshin kaeya #venti amber and rosaria are there too but minor characters #genshin fanfic #writeblr #fanfic #fanfiction #diluc #kaeya #eula #writing challenge #music inspired #inspired by a taylor swift song

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its-jaytothemee · 10 months ago

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Tonight...And Every Night - Chapter 4

Pairing: Astarion x Tav, Halsin x Tav; Astarion and Tav POVs

Word count: 1,653; Chapter 4, Astarion POV

Rating: Mature

Read on AO3

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Summary: Tav fails to convince Astarion to reject the Rite of Profane Ascension and refuses to help him complete it. He leaves her and the party, but regrets his choices later. Angsty and fluffy, POVs from both Astarion and Tav.

Tags: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Spawn!Astarion, Angst w/ Happy Ending

Author's Note: This was inspired by my playthrough where I somehow failed all of the persuasion checks for Astarion after the Cazador fight, leaving me obviously devastated. First three chapters will come together, then hopefully one or two at a time after that!

Astarion slowly shuffled his way across the streets of Baldur’s Gate. The sun was setting across Grey Harbor, bathing everything in a soft warm light. He didn’t really know where he was going, he just kept taking step after step until he found himself in front of the Elfsong Tavern. He only had a few gold coins on him, the rest was of course in Tav’s pack. He figured a good stiff drink was as good a use for his little remaining gold than anything at this point.

‘You couldn’t have even tried to loot the bastard’s palace before you left, idiot?’ He chastised himself again.

The tavern was crowded, as usual. He found a small table in the corner and pulled the hood of his cloak over his head as he sat down. His nervous eyes darted around the tavern, intensely aware that he no longer had any backup if he ran into trouble. A chipper voice startled him nearly out of his chair.

“Hey there, traveler! Can I get you a drink?”

Astarion looked over to see a friendly, familiar tiefling. She gasped when she saw his face. Lakrissa started looking around the tavern, obviously looking for his companions…his former companions.

“Astarion! It is Astarion right?”

“Yes, that would be me.” He answered flatly.

“I do hope you don’t take this the wrong way but you look awful.” She set her empty serving tray on the end of the table.

“I’ve had worse.” He grumbled. She gave an uncomfortable laugh in response.

“Where are your friends? Should I clear a bigger table for you?” She smiled at him sweetly.

“No that won’t be necessary.” He heard the involuntary crack in his voice and felt the tears welling in his eyes again. Lakrissa studied him for a moment and then placed her hand over his and gave it a soft squeeze.

“I think you could use a drink, my friend.” She smiled at him and disappeared back into the bustle of the tavern. He blinked away the tears threatening to run down his face.

Eventually Lakrissa returned with a wine glass and sat it in front of him. She also returned with another tiefling.

“Well, well. If it isn’t one of the heroes come to save Baldur’s Gate.” Alfira’s sing song voice teased as she sat across from him. Lakrissa turned to walk away, giving a quick wink to her partner in crime.

“Oh yes, hello bard.” Astarion managed to mumble out to her as he took a large drink of the wine in front of him. It was the perfect level of sweetness, Lakrissa had a good eye for wines.

“Where’s the rest of your merry band?” She asked innocently. He felt anger and embarrassment and despair rising in his throat threatening to choke him.

“Change of plans, darling. Looks like they’ll have to save this city from the Absolute without me.” He took another large drink of his wine. When he sat the glass back on the table, he saw Alfira studying him intently.

“Would you like to talk about it?” She asked after a moment.

“Not even a little.” He replied, keeping his tone ice cold.

“Alright, my apologies for bothering you then. It’s obvious you’d rather be alone right now.” She started to stand up from her seat.

Alone. A spike of panic ripped through his chest at the word.

“Wait…” He started. Alfira stopped just a couple of inches off of her chair. “I…I’m sorry. It’s just been a long day. Please…sit.”

She smiled and sat back down in her chair. Astarion shifted uncomfortably. He wasn’t really one for small talk. She absentmindedly plucked at the strings of her lute, quietly humming along with the notes ringing from them. Alfira was the one to finally break the silence between them.

“You know, I had really lost all hope before I met you and your friends.” She was still softly strumming her lute. “I remember when I first saw you and your companions stroll through the gates of the Emerald Grove, covered in goblin blood and desperately seeking a healer.”

“Yes, yes. A real group of knights in shining armor.” He said with an eye roll. He picked up the glass in front of him and gently swirled the dark liquid around.

“To a group of scared, displaced, and battered refugees? Yes. That’s exactly what you were.” She stopped playing her lute and stared Astarion down over his glass of wine. He looked away, ashamed of himself all over again. He would have never agreed to help the grove, that was almost all Tav. Sure, everyone else agreed they could stop and help those in need, but she was the one who insisted on it.

“Well my dear, I hate to be the one to ruin your fantasy, but I had nothing to do with that.” He drank the rest of his wine down in one large gulp, stinging his throat. He looked back to Alfira who was giving him a puzzled look. Giving an exaggerated sigh, he continued.

“If I was alone, I would have walked right by that grove. I would have let you all be slaughtered by goblins. Hells! I probably would have joined the goblins if I thought it would have saved my own arse.” The confession felt oddly satisfying to him.

“But you weren’t alone. And you did keep us from being slaughtered by goblins.” She countered.

“No,” he insisted, “I didn’t. That was all Tav.” Saying her name caused the pain in his chest to return, nearly knocking the wind out of him. Alfira seemed to catch the break in his voice over her name.

“Ah…” She smiled, “So this is about her.” Her voice started to take on a bit of a teasing tone, but he shot her a warning look that stopped her from continuing.

“So why did you stay then?” She said after a moment.

“Excuse me?” He didn’t even try to hide his confusion.

“Why did you stay with her if you didn’t agree with her choices? If you didn’t agree with her leadership? You could have left. You could have stayed safe in your camp, you could have hid from the fights. You didn’t.” She had set her lute to the side, folding her hands in front of her on the table.

“What do you suggest I should have done? Wandered off alone in the wilderness? To fend for myself? With a fucking mind flayer tadpole in my head?” He realized he was starting to raise his voice, and it probably wasn’t the best idea to announce his condition to the entire tavern. No one nearby seemed to notice his little outburst.

Alfira studied him for a moment before answering, her brows furrowed.

“Yes.”

Astarion could only blink in response. Before he could speak again, Lakrissa arrived with another glass of wine, and he immediately took another large swig.

“There were countless opportunities for you to leave, Astarion. You could have parted ways with everyone the moment you reached the city. You could have cowered with the rest of us at the Last Light Inn, waiting to be rescued. You didn’t.”

“Like I said…all Tav.” He countered. “Not to mention I needed protection from the aforementioned tadpole, and she carries the artefact that allows that.”

“So why leave now? You’ve followed her into nightmares most would never recover from. You’ve helped people against your better judgment all because she simply asked you to. Why?”

He knew the answer of course. Because he would do anything to gain Tav’s approval. He would do anything to see her smile, to hear her laugh, to feel her touch…but he also knew that he didn’t deserve her.

“So?” She prodded, her sweet face seemed to see straight through him.

“I…” Astarion stammered.

“She loves you, Astarion. It’s horribly obvious.” Alfira said with a smile. “The way she looks at you? There’s no doubt about it.”

“You don’t understand…” he started, “I hurt her. Badly.” Astarion looked away, shame welling up inside of him again.

“Did you try apologizing?” Alfira asked.

“Not exactly.” His stomach lurched, but for some reason he felt compelled to tell Alfira everything. Every gory detail of his past, his treatment of Tav and his other companions, everything. He suddenly felt suspicious.

“Did you charm me, bard?” He asked, slightly defensive. She just chuckled in response.

“The guilty mind sees tricks everywhere. Unfortunately, my bardic capabilities start and stop with music. No magic here.” She held up her hands innocently in front of her face. Astarion relaxed slightly.

“I…ran away.” He admitted. And with that, he couldn’t hold back any longer. He tearfully recounted the events of the day. How he betrayed the trust of Tav and his companions. He told her of the awful things he said to them. She was hanging on his every word. He told her about his relationship with Tav, how he meant to manipulate her into protecting him but ended up falling for her, hard. He told her how he felt about Tav, how she made him feel safe and seen. He briefly told her of his miserable life with Cazador.

Alfira sat back in her chair after he finished his tale, thinking on his words.

“Wow,” she said quietly, “it seems our hero is even more incredible than I thought.”

“That she is.” He responded, staring into his glass of wine.

Alfira grabbed his free hand with both of hers, bringing his attention back to her.

“Listen, we’ve both been to the literal hells and back. We’ve seen horrors beyond comprehension and come out the other side alive, odds be damned. If you have found someone that makes all of that suffering worth it…” She looked away briefly to glance back at Lakrissa who was cleaning up a spilled tankard of ale. “What the fuck are you doing here drinking alone?”

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 astarion #astarion x tav #halsin x tav #astarion fanfic #bg3 headcanons #bg3 brainrot #astarion ancunin #bg3 angst #bg3 fluff #Can't stop writing about these dummies

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tobythewise · 2 months ago

Note

Hello, happy DADWC! May I prompt, for Anders/Dorian or Inquisitor/Dorian: “Hey, so about—” “I suddenly have memory loss and don’t remember who you are.”

Thank you so much for this prompt!! <3 Written for @dadrunkwriting

Content: Elf Mage Inquisitor named Silas (Listen I know it's close to Solas but I named him BEFORE I knew there was a Solas don't judge me LOL) Inky/Dorian, getting together, Shipper Iron Bull

Silas stands outside the tavern, shaking his hands and doing his best to give himself a pep talk. He can do this. He can totally do this!

Yesterday he arrived back at Skyhold with Dorian. It felt like a dark cloud followed them back after confronting Dorian’s father. Silas has learned so much and even just thinking about that man and what he wanted to do to Dorian leaves his fist clenching until his knuckles turn white.

Dorian is capable in his own right and doesn’t need Silas’ protection but there’s still a part of him that wants to do just that.

Since the moment they met, there was a static energy between them. Their banter was easy and flirtatious. Talking with Dorian has always been fun, but Silas never had any expectations. Sure, Dorian flirted with everyone but that didn’t necessarily mean he’d interested in men.

Except he is. Exclusively.

They haven’t talked since getting back. Dorian doesn’t really like being vulnerable, Silas has picked up on that so he didn’t want to push. But now? Now he wants to shoot his shot.

Maybe now isn’t the best time. Maybe he should give Dorian time.

No, if he doesn’t at least tell Dorian he’s interested he’ll regret it. The end of the world is waiting for them around every fucking corner and if he doesn’t put his heart on the line now, he know he’ll always find an excuse not to. He doesn’t want to put his entire life on hold to be some holy symbol he doesn’t even believe in. Silas is an elf for Creator’s sake!

Rubbing at his eyes, he straightens his shoulders and steps into the tavern. There’s a chance that nothing even comes from this but Silas refuses to live in regret. He’s going to put his heart on the line so there’s nothing unspoken between them.

It’s not hard to find Dorian. He’s sitting at the bar, swirling a glass of wine in his hand. The Iron Bull is sat beside him and for a moment, Silas is overcome with jealousy. It swirls in his belly, leaving a bitter taste against his tongue.

That feeling drifts away quickly as The Iron Bull meets his eyes, nodding to him and standing up. “Nice to see ya, boss,” he says, patting Silas’ shoulder as he walks away.

Dorian looks up, his face softening ever so slightly when he meets Silas’ eyes. Just as quickly as the look was there, his face closes off, putting up a wall between them.

That’s the last thing Silas wants.

He orders himself an ale before turning towards Dorian fully. “Hey,” he starts to say, “so about--”

Dorian cuts him off. “I suddenly have memory loss! I have no idea who you are!”

“Shall I sound the alarm that a blood mage is running loose in Skyhold? Stealing incredibly specific memories?”

Dorian deflates but Silas still catches the slight twitch of his lips. “I supposed that would only cause a scene and as much as I enjoy being the center of attention, that type of attention would most likely get me into trouble.”

Silas nods. “And not the fun kind.” They each take a drink from their glasses. Silas’ heart is in his throat but he pushes words out anyway, needing to get them out. “I know we joke and play, but I’d like to say something? If that’s alright?”

“You’re the Herald of Andraste,” Dorian says, turning to look at me. “You don’t need my permission to simply speak.”

“I supposed not, but if you told me you didn’t want to talk about this, I’d respect your wishes.”

“I appreciate that,” he says softly. Leaning his elbow on the bar, Dorian turns fully towards Silas. “Go ahead, I’d like to hear what you have to say.”

“I have feelings,” Silas blurts out. It feels so good to finally say the words, like a blockage that’s finally loose and the water can flow freely.

“Okay,” Dorian says slowly. “Feelings about?”

“You. Obviously.”

“Obviously, he says.” Dorian smiles, shaking his head in amusement. “Nothing about you is obvious. I suppose I wouldn’t have you any other way.” He looks at his wine, swirling it in his glass before taking another sip.

Silas wants to say more, to express how thankful he is that Dorian joined him on this wild ride to save the world. He wants Dorian to know the extent of his feelings. He wants him to know this isn’t a phase or a way to pass the time. But he can tell that Dorian is working up the nerve to say something and he doesn’t want to take that away from him, so he patiently waits.

“Back home,” Dorian says softly without looking up, “I never dreamed of love, not truly. I was prepared to be in a loveless marriage with trysts on the side to keep myself sated. Men couldn’t love other men, not the way I desired. But with you--” Dorian clears his throat. “You make me want things.”

“That’s okay. I want things too, Dorian. And I want them with you.”

Dorian’s ringed fingers find his face and Silas leans into the touch. Soft lips touch his own and Silas closes his eyes, savoring the sensation. Everything going on in the tavern slowly falls away, leaving just the two of them, sharing a first kiss. This is everything Silas had hoped it would be while being so much more.

This is the reason he fights. This is the reason he continues to be a symbol despite feeling like just a person. This is the reason he’ll do whatever it takes to save the world because not only do the two of them deserve this feeling, but so does everyone else.

“Dorian,” he breathes out, his lips just barely brushing against Dorian.

A big hand slaps his shoulder and by the noise of surprise from Dorian, the same just happened to him. They pull apart with wide eyes, finding The Iron Bull between them.

“It’s about damn time,” he bellows out with a hearty laugh. “Drinks are on me to celebrate!”

The tips of Silas’ ears are bright red but it’s worth it to see the smile on Dorian’s face.

#tobywrites #da drunk writing circle #inky/dorian #dorian/inquisitor #fanfic

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sixpennydame · 2 years ago

Text

The Better Man | Chapter 4

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Masterlist

Warnings: some light smut and sexual touching

Read in AO3 here

Suggested Music:

The birds outside rouse you from your deep sleep and the early morning sunlight from the window hits your skin, as you open your eyes and see your husband sleeping peacefully next to you. The last three days with Lars have been the most decadent you’ve ever experienced. You’ve made love countless times and haven’t even bothered to put clothes on except to make food, take baths, or start a fire. But now the short honeymoon is over and Lars has to go back to Levi Squad to prepare for an expedition at the end of the month.

Levi…

You’d tried not to think about him too much since you told Lars that you wanted to marry him. You figured that as long as you two didn’t have to interact, you could put him out of your mind. But when you saw him at the wedding reception, it threw you off guard, especially as he pulled you in for that embrace. You knew this would be the last time you’d ever feel him so close, so you couldn’t help but close your eyes as his lips lightly pressed to your cheek. You hope he hadn’t noticed how flustered it made you. And it didn’t help that you could feel Levi’s icy gaze on you as you danced with Lars; in fact, you probably drank a little more than you should have, just to get him off your mind.

But you don’t regret your decision. After your confrontation with Lars, you’d come to realize that this man sleeping beside you truly loved you and that he was here, now, willing to take you as you are. But still, your heart was split in two.

Lars was like the sun: bright and radiant. His joy spread to those around him and made you feel alive.

Levi was shadow: dark and cool. His soothing reach was limited to just a few, but it enveloped you, made you feel safe.

You decided it was better to live in the sunlight than to chase a shadow.

_____

It’s lively in the tavern tonight, as you fill the mugs with beer and hand them over to customers. In the almost two years since you’ve been above ground, you’ve drifted from town to town and job to job. You’d stop anywhere with penitentiaries to inquire about Levi, Farlan, or Isabelle, but no one had heard of them. It was as if they had disappeared completely, or had never existed at all. The last few months you’ve lived in Jinae, a small town in the southern district of Wall Rose, mostly inhabited by miners, as there was a large ice burst stone mine located here. Months of fruitless searching left you tired and defeated, and Jinae was as good a place as any to settle down for a while.

You could always find a job in pubs or taverns: you had experience, and barkeepers rarely turn down a pretty face. When patrons became too flirty or rowdy, you dealt with them swiftly and surely, never afraid to throw someone out or throw a punch if needed. Levi had taught you how to take care of yourself.

You take some pints over to a table of Survey Corpsmen. With the recent fall of Wall Maria, a training camp had been created just outside of town next to a large forest, and several recruits ended up in the tavern on their off-nights. As you set the pints down, one of the men smiles at you. “Thank you,” he says warmly.

You throw out a quick, “You’re welcome,” as you walk briskly away.

Later, that same man walks up to the bar and orders another round. “You can put it on my tab.”

“You got it.” You grab a few mugs. “Name?”

“Lars. What’s yours?”

“What’s it to you?”

He puts up his hands in surrender. “Just trying to make conversation.”

You put the pints down in front of him and give him an annoyed look. “I’m busy.”

“Y/N! Two gin and tonics for table five,” the bartender says as he passes the drinks to you.

Lars repeats your name, his hazel eyes sparkling. “That’s a nice name. Unique..” he grabs the drinks. “It’s nice to meet you,” he says with a smile and a wink.

Lars became a regular to the tavern after that, always attempting to make conversation with you. You’d try to ignore him, but he was persistent. You could even hear his friends tease him about it.

Not that he was a bad guy. He was friendly, courteous, and handsome, and you could tell that his comrades - even other regulars - liked and respected him. It was as if there was light always shining around him; everyone was attracted to it.

Why would someone like that be interested in you? Maybe he was talking to you because of a dare, or the thrill of the challenge. Either way, you weren’t taking the bait.

He walks up to you as you were closing one evening. “Look..I know you could probably care less about me, but let me take you out some time. I’d like to get to know you more.”

You look at him, exasperated, and sigh. “Look, Lars..you seem nice, but I’m not really looking for a relationship.”

He runs his hand through his light brown hair. “I get it. But all I ask is one date. If you can’t stand me after that, just say so and I’ll never bother you again.”

You look at him, your head cocked to one side. He puts his hands in prayer in front of his face and smirks. “Just one chance.”

You sigh and lean on your broom. “Fine..if it’ll get you to leave me alone.”

“Yes!” he pumps his fist and smiles the biggest smile. “You won’t regret it, Y/N.”

“We’ll see,” you say, as a smile creeps across your face.

_____

You smile as you take a finger and run it along Lars’ profile. It tickles him a little and he scrunches up his nose. You laugh as you turn around to get out of bed, but you feel a strong arm pull you down.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Lars growls, kissing your shoulder as he pulls you into his chest.

You turn around and hold him close as you start kissing his soft, full lips. His body is always so warm and you cuddle into his arms. “Well I was going to make breakfast, but let’s just stay here instead.”

“Believe me, there is nothing I would rather do,” he kisses the top of your head, “but Captain Levi will have my head if I don’t show up today. I’m lucky he agreed to let me have these days off.”

“It would have been even nicer if he’d given you the whole week off,” you complain, watching Lars get out of bed and put on his uniform.

Fit and muscular, Lars has the body type typical of those who are successful Survey Corps members. However, he’s taller and broader; a much more athletic build than the others in his squad. But what really sets him apart are his rugged good looks: brown hair lightly bleached by the sun from the hours spent outside, hazel eyes speckled with flecks of green, and olive skin. His features look more suited to be an actor or performer than a soldier, which you often teased him about. He’d reply that he can’t sing or act, and since he had no other useful talents, he became a soldier. This always made you roll your eyes, because he could have been a hundred other things.

In fact, you wish he was anything other than a Survey Corpsman.

As he gets dressed, you can’t help but appreciate his perfect body. His shoulders flex as he pulls on his shirt and you start feeling turned on.

You push the bed covers off of you and lie on the bed, full naked and exposed. Lars turns around to gaze at your form, fumbling to finish buttoning up his shirt.

“So you’re choosing your Captain over me, eh?” You tease, opening your legs just a tad. “And you’ll be gone for so long…” your fingers begin to touch your clit, “I guess I’ll just have to find ways to amuse myself..”

Lars scrunches his eyes closed. “Shit…you’re going to be the death of me,” he says as he moves toward the bed and unbuttons his pants, his cock already hard.

A smirk forms across your face as Lars positions himself on top of you, shirt half buttoned and pants thrown across the room. “Aren’t you going to be late?” You coo as you begin to stroke his cock.

Lars smiles. He loves it when you tease him. “A few minutes probably won’t hurt…”

“Then we better make it worth it,” you pull him into you.

_____

Levi Squad stands uncomfortably in the main training field when they see Lars running toward them, still buckling the chest strap of his ODM gear. Breathless, he stops in front of Levi and salutes.

“You're late,” Levi says in an eerily calm voice. Everyone can feel the anger emanating off of him.

Lars stands as still as stone in front of Levi. “Yes sir!”

“Were you taking a shit?”

“No sir!” I have no excuse, sir!”

“I see..” Levi faces the squad. “Everyone, start running laps.”

Their shoulders drop. Eld speaks up, “With our ODM gear on, Captain?”

“Did I tell you to take it off? Now get moving.”

The squad starts running, single file, then Eld catches up to Lars. “You just had to be late, huh?” he teases. Lars winces. “How’s married life?”

“Best three days of my life so far,” Lars says enthusiastically, amid the clacking noises of his ODM gear, “I’m a lucky man.”

They run past Levi and Lars notices his bandaged hand. “What happened to the Captain?”

“He said a glass broke when he was doing dishes a few days ago. If anyone was gonna hurt himself because he was cleaning too intensely, it’d be the Captain,” Eld laughs.

“Less talking, more running!” Levi exhorts.

_____

Levi’s Squad arrives to dinner in the cantine later than the other divisions, tired, sweaty, and sore. The others look on as they limp to their table with their food in hand.

“I know I’ve been gone for a few days, but it feels like the Captain’s training is more…painful…than usual”, Lars remarks, his body aching all over.

Otto nods his head. “They definitely are. He’s been in a bad mood all week, and it feels like he might be taking something out on us.”

“Come on, fellas, he wouldn’t do that. He’s just getting us ready for the expedition in two weeks. We’re the Special Operations Squad - we’ve gotta be set to a higher standard,” Eld interjects, always the more level-headed one of the group.

“You’re right, Eld, there’s got to be a reason for why he’s pushing us so hard,” Lars says between bites of his food, “but after four days off from training I feel like a cadet again. My body hasn’t hurt this badly in a while.”

“Are you sure that’s from today’s training, or from your other….activities,” Gunther teases.

“What other activities?” Jakob asks, the youngest member of Levi Squad. Eld hits him on the back of the head.

Gunther stands on the bench, his mug in hand. “Everyone! I’d like to raise a toast to the newlywed, Lars. Let’s hope he saves enough energy from his..um, ‘domestic duties’ to slay some titans in two weeks,” he raises his mug. “To Lars!”

“To Lars!” The other Corps members raise their mugs and cheer. All except Levi, who looks on, pushing around the food on his plate.

He walks past his squad. “We’re on cleaning duty tonight. Eld, Jakob - you have the kitchen. Otto and Gunther, bathrooms.” He looks at Lars. “Lars, you’ve got stables.”

Lars winces. “By myself?” Levi’s head snaps back at him. “Sir.”

“What? You’re tired?”

“No sir!”

“Then I suggest you get on it.”

As Levi walks away, he hears the others tease Lars, but not one complaint comes from his mouth as he walks to the stables. His positivity really is admirable.

Admirable, if Levi didn’t feel so much resentment toward him.

These last three days, he’d tried so hard to push you out of his thoughts, but in the loneliness of the night, his mind would wonder what it must feel like to be your husband, to make love to you as a married couple. Did you enjoy it? Did he make you call out his name? Did he do the things Levi used to do to you?

Just over a week ago you were moaning his name, digging your fingernails into his back, asking for his touch. That feels like an eternity now. You haven’t been his for years, but now you are truly someone else’s.

This was what he wanted, right? For someone good and capable to take care of you. Someone to give you the stability he never could.

But he never thought you’d find that in someone from the Survey Corps. A Corpsman's life is short and unpredictable; it’s wreckless to want a spouse, much less a family. It’s one of the reasons Levi let you go.

And it’s the reason Levi has decided he wants Lars out of the Corps. For your sake, he needs him to stay alive.

_____

Over the next few days, Levi is relentless on the squad, and especially on Lars.

First, it was giving him extra duties: cleaning, filing, organizing; besides the 5 hours minimum of sleep time officers were required to give their squads, Lars was constantly being worked. Levi wanted to wear him down and frustrate him to the point that he would ask to be reassigned, or better yet leave the Survey Corps, but he knew that was a long-shot.

And Lars took every extra assignment without complaint.

Next, he pushed Lars in training exercises, finding every little thing wrong that he could:

“Oi, Lars! You’re coming up too shallow in your initial cuts.”

“Lars! Your aim on the grapple hooks is shitty. Have you forgotten everything I taught you?”

“Are you an idiot, Lars? Any first-year cadet could make that landing. Run through the course again.”

By the end of the week, even other squads were beginning to notice how harshly Levi was training them. Hange eventually mentions it to Levi during a particularly grueling afternoon practice.

“Levi, I don’t want to tell you how to train your squad~”

“Then don’t,” Levi interrupts.

“~but they’re going to break if you push them too hard.”

Levi looks at Hange. “Maybe you’re ok with your squad members going up against a titan unprepared, but I’m not. I’d advise you to worry about your own people.”

“Gosh, you’ve been grumpier than usual lately,” Hange changes their tone, “is everything ok?”

Levi brushes them off. “I’m fine. Now..I have work to do.”

The squad gathers around Levi as he makes his way to the training grounds.

“You’re all getting faster at direction changes, but remember that a split second hesitation could put your head in a titan’s mouth. Eld, Gunther, good job with working together on the final dummy. Jakob, use your small size to allow the gear to propel you faster and higher. Lars..”

Everyone looks at Lars; they know what’s coming.

“You took the cut when you should have let Otto go in for the kill. That was reckless, and a move like that outside the walls will get yourself killed.”

“I disagree, sir,” Lars responds, with conviction in his voice. “I’m stronger than Otto, so I knew I could get a deeper cut. Like you said, hesitation will get us killed.”

Levi scowls and everyone else holds their breath. Lars has never spoken up against Levi’s critiques.

“Are you saying I don’t know what I’m talking about?”

“No sir, but you’ve taught us to know our capabilities and use them to their fullest. I knew I was the most capable, so I went in for the kill. I think I made the right choice.”

“So you’re willing to make a more reckless choice to save a friend, even if it costs you your life?”

“Yes, if that’s what it takes.”

“As a married man now, you should know how stupid that sounds. You want to make her a widow already?”

“She knows the risks I take and why I chose to be in the Survey Corps, and I think she loves and supports me no matter what.”

The rest of the squad watches as the two men stare each other down until Levi finally looks away. “Then I suppose that’s your choice,” he concedes, to the shock of everyone. “That’s all for today. Lars and Otto, you’re in charge of cleaning ODM gear and taking inventory in the store room tonight. You can bring the supply order form to me later. Dismissed.”

The group walks away from Levi and toward the barracks. “Did Lars…just win an argument against the Captain?” Gunther says, puzzled.

“Let’s just be happy we’re getting the rest of the afternoon off. I’m not sure how much more I could have taken today,” Jakob adds.

Lars walks with his comrades silently. He thought he noticed a quick flash of concern in Levi’s eyes when he mentioned you loving him. Or maybe he just imagined it.

_____

Erwin is working at his desk later that evening when there’s a knock at the door.

“It’s me,” comes a familiar voice.

“Come in, Levi,” Erwin says, his eyes not leaving what he’s reading. “I’m just finishing up your report. It sounds like your squad is making great progress. They just might be the key to a more successful expedition.”

“That’s what I came to talk to you about. I’d like to dismiss Lars from my squad.”

“Oh?” Erwin leans forward, “and why is that?”

“I don’t think his talents work with the rest of the group. Actually, he’d be better suited for The Garrison, so I'm requesting his reassignment starting from next week.”

“Levi, didn’t you hand-pick him yourself? And according to your previous reports, Lars has been a key player in group cohesion and leadership.”

“I know, he has, but it’s not working. Don’t you trust my judgment?”

“I do, but I also know that we are desperate for members. And I’ve watched Lars in training exercises. He’s bold, quick-witted, and most importantly, he’s fiercely loyal to the cause. To lose him would be to lose a valuable asset to the Corps, and we can’t afford that.”

Erwin hands the report to Levi. “Your request is denied. You’re an excellent instructor and leader, Levi. I’m sure you’ll learn how to best utilize Lars.”

Levi walks out and down to the hall to his office. He hates to admit it, but Lars is an important member of the squad. His skill surpasses many veterans in the Corps, and Levi has had to really dig this week to find things wrong with his use of ODM gear and titan slaying.

He knows he’s being unreasonable by asking for Lars’ reassignment. But how else can he protect you from getting hurt?

Then a voice inside his head reminds him: you’re not his to protect and he needs to let you go.

Almost as if on cue, there’s a knock at the door and Levi opens it to find Lars standing there.

“Captain, I have the supply order for you to look over,” he says, handing him the list.

“Thank you.” Levi takes the paper and looks it over, before signing his name at the bottom. “Lars, there’s something else I’d like to discuss with you,” he sits back in his chair. “The way I pushed you this week was…extreme. The fact is, you’re an excellent and capable corpsman. I see a lot of potential in you; but it’d be a waste of talent if someone like you got killed out there because I didn’t do my job preparing you.”

“I understand, sir. You’re just doing what needs to be done, and we’re better soldiers for it. I’m fully dedicated to this cause, Captain.”

A little too blindly dedicated, Levi thinks to himself, but his heart is in the right place. “And you mentioned earlier that your wife…is ok with all this?” Levi tries to act as if he barely knows you. “Are you fully dedicated to her as well?”

“Absolutely. I joined the Corps before I met her, but she’s my motivation for fighting. I want to do everything I can to protect her and our future family,” he says with determination in his eyes.

Family. The word hits Levi like an arrow through the heart. There were times when you and he talked of family. The hope of a future..

“That’s admirable. But it doesn’t mean a damn thing if you aren’t prepared for everything that’s out there,” Levi’s eyes reflect the same determination. “You do whatever it takes to stay alive for that future family of yours.”

Lars smiles. “I will, sir!”

_____

“Why don’t you ever cum inside me?” You ask Levi once after a long night of making love, your naked bodies sweaty and splayed across the small bed you both share.

Levi looks at you, surprised. “You want to have a kid in this shitty place? You’re insane.”

“Ok, yes, that’s a terrible idea,” you move closer to him on the bed, “but don’t you ever want a family?”

“Maybe…someday. But let’s get out of here first.” He puts his arm around you.

There’s silence as you both lay in each other’s arms. Levi wonders if there will ever be a time when you two will escape this wretched place. And with their shitty way of being raised, he worries if you’d even be good parents.

But he knows he loves you, more than he ever knew he could love. You have his whole heart, but maybe there’s room for a baby there too..

Meanwhile, you daydream about carrying Levi’s child, the fullness of it. You hope that they have Levi’s eyes and your temperament.

But not yet. Levi’s right, you both have to get out of here first. “We’re gonna make it above ground someday, Levi.”

Levi smiles, then kisses the top of your head. “Yeah. We will.”

_____

The following week flies by with more intense training and preparations for the expedition. When it’s time to depart, the Survey Corps rides into Trost, where you’re waiting at the gate.

Lars gets off his horse and you wrap your arms around him.

“If all goes well, we’ll be back in two weeks. I love you,” he says as he kisses you.

Levi looks down from his horse and sees the embrace. He watches you close your eyes when Lars kisses you deeply. He should turn away, but he can’t. He wants to see your face, even if it’s with another man and it makes his heart ache.

“You come back to me, Lars. I’ll be waiting for you.” He pulls you into his arms again and you see Levi looking down at you. “Be safe,” you say, as your eyes quickly flit upward to meet his. He looks away.

As Lars mounts his horse, you walk up to Levi. “You too, Captain. Be safe, and protect each other out there.”

He knows what you’re saying. You’re asking him to look out for Lars. He will do that regardless because Lars is his squad member, but when he sees your eyes, full of hope and trust, he knows he’d do anything to keep you happy. You wrap your shawl around you a little tighter and Levi sees the simple gold band on your left hand. He clears his throat and nods, then rides to the front with the other squad leaders.

The bells begin to ring throughout town and the horses paw at the ground as the large gate slowly raises. This is Lars’ first expedition, and although he looks calm and collected, you know he must be nervous.The tolling bells bring more people to see the group, some cheering, others with their arms crossed in silent judgment.

Erwin turns his horse to face the group. “A year ago, Wall Maria fell and humanity was reminded that as long as there are titans beyond the wall, we will never be free. Now is the time to take back our lands and forge a new road to freedom!” He rides to the front of the vanguard. “The 30th expedition of the Survey Corps now begins. Soldiers: forward!”

The ground shakes as the horses run down the cobblestone street leading through the gate and out of Trost. Lars looks at you once more and then he’s gone with the rest. The gate closes behind them.

_____

Two weeks later, the Survey Corps returns to much less fanfare. There are no tolling bells; only the rumbling of the large gate opening signals their arrival. A neighbor tells you of their return and you run as fast as you can to meet them, but you’re not prepared for what you see:

Scores of men and women injured in one way or another, some with missing limbs or bandaged heads, others being held up by other, less injured comrades. You don’t know the exact number, but there can’t be more than half of the Corps returning. Wagons start rolling through carrying piles of bodies and body parts. It’s a horrific sight.

You look through the crowd to find Lars, but don’t see him and as the last of the Corps comes through the gate, you start to panic. Then you remember that you did get there late, and that he might already be at the rallying point in the center of town. You run to the city square, your heart racing, and then you see him.

Lars is helping another injured soldier out of a wagon when he sees you walking towards him. Noticing his bandaged head, you stop short of running into his arms, for fear of hurting him.

“Y/N..” he says weakly. You put a gentle hand on his bandaged face.

“Lars..are you ok? Are you hurt badly?”

“I’m fine, it’s just a scratch really. I’m alive,” he seems in a bit of a daze, but he cups your cheek and smiles at you. “I’m alive.”

Then his face becomes serious. “But we lost Jakob. He was so young. Only fifteen..”

“Oh Lars,” is all you can think to say.

“And Otto lost his leg. He was my partner. If I had just gotten there sooner, I..”

“Stop that,” you put his face in your hands to look at you, “it’s not your fault.”

“Yeah…yeah..” he looks away. “I need to help with the injured before we head back to Headquarters. I’ll come home after that.”

“Ok.” You hug him tightly. “I love you.”

You feel his arm move around your waist. “I love you too, Y/N. So much.” Then he turns and walks away.

Before you have a chance to leave, you feel someone walk up behind you.

“Now do you understand, Y/N? Death is an expectation for Survey Corps members. Someday, it’ll come for me…and Lars. This is the kind of life I wanted you to avoid.” Levi’s voice sounds so tired, you almost didn’t recognize it.

A single tear falls down your cheek as you turn to face him. “Death comes for us all, Levi. None of us can avoid it, so we might as well surround ourselves with the people we love while we can.”

For a moment, his eyes soften. Levi wants to wipe the tear from your face so badly, but he knows it’s not right to touch you. She’s not yours to protect, he tells himself.

“If we have an early winter as predicted, this will be the final expedition for the year.”

He moves closer to you, his tone serious. “And if you truly love him, you’ll take the next month to convince Lars to leave the Corps and get far away from this place. Go create that happy family you’ve always wanted,” he turns to leave, then pauses, “that I couldn’t give you.”

He leaves you, standing in the city square you were married in just one month ago; the joy of that moment now replaced with sadness and despair.

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inscrutable-shadow · 1 year ago

Text

only then i am human (only then i am clean) - part one

contains: mild horniness, homoerotic blood drinking, minor nausea (no vomiting), swearing, gore, a disgusting amount of gay pining, whumptober 2023 days 11, 20, and 30 (animal trap, "you will regret touching them," bridal carry)

summary: The Culling War is over, and Thanatos is not the same.

Mariano doesn't have a same to go back to.

Bastian just hopes that he won't have to kill Thanatos when the vampire's ravenous hunger finally takes over.

It's been far too long since Thanatos has had a good meal, after all, and he loves getting himself in hot water.

beginning notes: whoo-wee! i started this as a whumptober fill, and it still is that, but it’s also so, so much more than that now. four times the size and now part of a series i hope to continue in the coming months. so many thanks to @crash-bump-bring-the-whump for letting me borrow his characters, fill his dms with screaming and gay shenanigans at all hours, and for betaing! i have so much more planned for our boys after this so stay tuned :)

also available on ao3! even though i've broken the fic into two, this section is 7.3k words so you might enjoy it more there. (plus you get the ending a day early)

Thanatos was rather surprised at how much fun he was having. When Madame Nocta had initially shown him his redistricting papers, he’d had to step out of the room to stop the choking panic from clawing at his insides. The image of his old life, of returning to his job and his apartment and his lover after so long away, had been the only thing keeping him going for so long that the idea of changing that image made him sick. “It’ll be quiet,” she’d assured him. “No one will know what you are. You can relax, recover. It will be good for you.” Thanatos hadn’t believed her, but now, as the damp wind ruffled his hair and sent ripples over the nearby lake, he was forced to admit this world was rather quaint.

He could almost convince himself it was just like home, at least, before the “engine of progress” had compressed every ounce of magic from the land. The countryside was littered with small villages of wood and stone instead of towering metropoles of metal and glass. The air held none of the heavy odour of burning oil; if anything, it crackled and pulsed with magic in the way the ancient forests had when the fae still inhabited them. If it weren’t for the various ruins that evoked to those in the know the aura of an advanced society, he would have believed it was the ninth century again. Wandering from place to place, offering his eyes, his voice, and his stories to anyone who could use him in exchange for a few coins, and flirting with people in taverns, it was quite akin to the way he’d lived before he’d met the Archfey. One could almost call it idyllic.

“Hey, Thanatos! There you are,” a voice called from behind him, and he turned to see Bastian pushing through the market crowd toward him. “Thought I’d lost you for a bit. Crowd too much for you?”

There was one major difference between this world and his own, and here was a prime example of it: one could tell just by looking that Bastian was a dragon. If the prismatic hair and the horns weren’t a dead giveaway, the shimmering scales certainly were. He wasn’t the only one, either. A vampire blended right in among the varying peoples of this world, and Thanatos didn’t even bother to wear the glasses that obscured his eye color and slitted pupils anymore. He still became rather on edge in the market crowds, but even that he was doing much better with than he had a month ago. He’d been able to drift from stall to stall with the crowd for almost an hour before he’d felt claustrophobic.

Thanatos nodded acknowledgement of Bastian’s presence and alighted from the fencepost. “I just needed some air. Find everything you wanted?” If he recalled correctly, they were supposed to be replenishing supplies after an unfortunate encounter with a river (that had not at all been Thanatos’s fault).

Bastian only shrugged. “He’s the one shopping. Weather’s turning. Ought to get back together with Mariano and head out before it gets too bright for you.”

The sun here burned much brighter than Thanatos was used to, and even cloudy days pricked uncomfortably at his skin. The locals had been kind to him, though, and no one had hesitated to offer him shelter or clothing or food that he inevitably had to refuse. The hat that he was wearing and had reinforced with a layer of Shadow had been forced upon him by a kindly old woman who had noticed his discomfort while he was carrying her shopping for her on a not-so-cloudy afternoon. She couldn’t have known that his refusal to put a square millimetre of exposed skin in direct sunlight was an aversion to screaming immolation and subsequent death, but she’d pushed her hat onto his head anyway, and called him a sweet young man who needed to take better care of himself. That sort of behaviour had by far been the norm, and for that, he was grateful.

“That little basket all you’re getting?” Bastian asked, edging a hand under the fabric cover, but pulling it back when Thanatos swatted at it.

“The two of you have been very kind. I thought that perhaps I could repay the favour by taking care of dinner for tonight.” It had been a long while since he’d had to cook anything, but he still remembered some of the things his mother had taught him, oh so long ago, and he felt the need to provide something other than diverting conversation for once.

Bastian walked ahead of him in the crowd, forging a less constricted path for Thanatos to follow as the pair threaded their way back to the meeting point. “You don’t even eat. How’re you gonna know if it’s any good?”

“I’ll just have to have you taste for me.”

“Sure thing.” The dragon grinned in that toothy way of his, and Thanatos allowed himself a small one in return.

He’d come out to the two of them during the second week. Not about his taste for men: the reality of that oozed from his pores and was apparent in every movement. The wistful stares he threw at every young man who looked even a bit like the Archfey left little room for doubt. About his taste for blood. Thanatos had violated Clandestine Accord and clued two mortals in on the fact that he was a vampire. It hadn’t phased them at all. There were very few things that could rattle Mariano, and Bastian was a dragon. A vampire wasn’t a threat, and so he didn’t care. Thanatos had felt silly for even being slightly anxious about it. The way they looked at each other, talked to each other, to him, he just knew. They’d felt safe. Thanatos hadn’t felt safe in decades. Not since the Culling War.

Twenty-five years of paranoia had turned an easygoing, charismatic Thanatos into a nervous wreck of a man who jumped at every shadow. He’d heard Tenebrus and the Council talking about him: the psychological effects of his job had made him nearly useless at it, and they were planning to replace him. The war had ended before they had the chance, but still. He knew he wasn’t the same man his Archfey had fallen in love with. That thought alone made him want to shatter into a thousand porcelain fragments, but living here had started to fill in the jagged gouges the war had left on his soul. The people were kinder, didn’t treat him like a monster even when they couldn’t know he was one. (Not like home. On Earth Four, even the slightest deviation from the norm had put him at risk of discovery.) He wasn’t constantly on the defensive anymore.

The crowd opened up a bit, and he could now see slightly further ahead. Ah, there was Mariano. His dark hair rose up above most of the bobbing heads of the market-goers, and the soft lines of his face were broken slightly by a brow furrowed in concentration. Comparing products, perhaps? He’s rather particular about the supplies. He was still deep in discussion with a shopkeeper, though from the amount he was carrying, it seemed as if he must be nearly done with his shopping. “I’ll be right back, found something I want to pick up,” Bastian leaned down to whisper in his ear, melting into the crowd again before Thanatos could even respond. He felt a bit nervous in the crowd by himself, but he could see Mariano, at least, and the hat would probably make him easy enough to find again. He found a quiet spot between two stalls, where he was offered a seat and an apple by an old woman selling fruit. With a smile, he accepted the former, but of course not the latter.

The market had been set up in the hollow shell of some ancient building, and most of the shops on this side of the square were peddling foodstuffs of some kind, set up on the raised ground on either side of the makeshift thoroughfare created by the terrain. This particular ruin gave Thanatos the nagging sensation that he was late to catch a train. He supposed it’d be a long time before he saw another train, given his reassignment. It would have been strange to go back to his Earth after a quarter-century of war, anyhow, let alone live in the cottage without the Archfey. He wasn’t even sure he knew how to fit himself back into a fast-paced mortal society now that he’d had the fear of other people forcibly drilled into him. There hadn’t been a moment in the last decade or so when he hadn’t been acutely wary of other vampires out to give him a glowing recommendation to the nearest Reaper. Relax, Than. There aren’t any other vampires in this area, he reminded himself. He had a hundred miles of clearance before he encroached on anyone else’s hunting grounds. Anyone who wanted to mess with him would have Mariano to contend with, anyhow. No one had got through him yet.

“Do you like it?”

“Hm?”

The laugh was like birdsong, and it came from a girl, about nineteen, behind the fruit stand, helping the old woman set out more goods. “You were staring, mister. Do you like the hairpin? My mother made it for me.” Like most of the denizens here, her skin was a deep ochre, with matching eyes that held a mischievous smile and an effortless charm.

He had been staring; he realised. The pin was an array of jasmine-like blooms on a fastening of ebony and amethyst. It looked like something the Archfey would have worn, not in the early days of their relationship when they’d been doing the courtship dance of fey prince and vampire, no, this was something ae would have worn to a coffeehouse date or to the cinema, a coy reminder of the power that lurked behind the mortal disguise. Thanatos summoned up a smile and gave a wry chuckle, hoping his expression didn’t seem tortured. “You remind me of someone, that’s all.” Oh. It was easier than he’d expected to become the charming vampire once again. Maybe he really was getting better.

The girl returned his smile. “Someone you like?” She turned away a little, then met his eyes again.

“Someone I love.”

The grief must have shown through in his eyes for a moment, because the girl’s smile turned sad. “What happened to them?”

He hesitated, deciding how much of his pain was worth pouring out to a stranger. “Gone. Said they would return, but, well. I’ve had to move, and I fear we may never be reunited.” His gaze drifted away toward the shifting clouds. Bastian was right. The weather would clear up soon.

“Take it then,” she said, and his brow furrowed as his eyes returned to look at her. She took his hand in hers and pressed the pin into it. “My mother made it as a good-luck charm. Maybe it will bring the two of you back together.”

Why would she give something like that to a stranger? Part of him wondered if it might be some sort of trap, but he pushed the thought away. Humans weren’t like vampires. Every gesture of goodwill wasn’t a secret power play with them. Sometimes they did these things on a whim, or even out of kindness. It was a foolish thing for her to do, though, so he demurred. “Oh, miss, I couldn’t possibly take such a precious heirloom—”

“Surely you won’t refuse a gift,” she countered, and the expression of mischief on her face melted the last of the ice in his heart. Maybe things truly were looking up.

Thanatos bowed. “Then I shall graciously accept. However,” he added, setting his basket down for a moment, “allow me to return the favour. A charm for a charm. My partner gave this to me a long time ago. It, too, is good luck. May it bring you winds of fortune.” He removed the earring from his right ear, a dangle shaped vaguely like a wreath. In truth, it was a ritual sigil, one of the Archfey’s smallest and subtlest protection blessings. Woven directly from aer magic into metal, he’d worn it for almost two hundred years, and he credited his continued existence a significant amount to the Archfey’s protection rather than any qualities he himself possessed. For a moment, he questioned why he would give away something so precious on a whim, but the girl’s gift had struck a chord with him, made him feel as if the dark days might be over. That was worth the loss of the charm.

The young woman accepted the earring and worked into her own ear, and the two of them shared a smile, and a laugh, and a blush. One couldn’t fault Thanatos for finding comfort in the sweet moment, but of course, the universe saw fit to punish him for allowing himself to relax. “The fuck you think you’re doing, dipshit?” a gruff voice called from behind him. And here we go.

He went for his usual disarming smile. “Ah, you must be the boyfriend.”

“Fiancé,” the young lady corrected mildly. Of course he was.

The fiancé in question wasted no time in invading Thanatos’s personal space. “You gotta be stupid to chat up another man’s girl like that.” He folded his arms, probably trying to look intimidating. It was sort of working.

Thanatos’s eyebrows raised. “If that’s what you think flirting looks like, my condolences to your lady-love. I was nothing more than cordial. Aren’t you just the strapping young man though,” he purred. “I cannot fault the lady’s taste.” Now that was flirting. The tried-and-true Thanatos method of getting out of this sort of tight spot was to play up his flamboyance until their discomfort outweighed their indignation. “Baffle them with his bullshit,” as it were. It usually worked long enough for him to work out some method of escape.

“Leave it, Javier. He’s not bothering me. We were just talking,” the girl said, annoyed.

Javier was not dissuaded. “I don’t want random guys feeling like they can talk to you, Violetta. And that didn’t look like talking.”

Thanatos saw this as a chance to cut back in. “I assure you, I have no interest in absconding with your sweetheart. My intentions with her were purely platonic, for my tastes lie elsewhere, if you take my meaning.”

From the way Javier picked him up by his collar, Thanatos got the idea that he might not have understood some of those words. “Are you saying you don’t think she’s pretty? Take it back right now!”

Oh, by the celestial river… Annoyance ignited in Thanatos’s chest, and he was firing back before he could think about it. “I didn’t say she wasn’t pretty, you oaf. I said I was fucking gay! By the Divines, humans grow ever more stupid. I’m married too, if it matters—”

“Is there a problem here?” Oh, thank fuck. Mariano, his knight in shining armour once again. Part of him orchestrated these scenarios intentionally just to have a chance to see the mage work. Bastian was hanging back, presumably to watch the show. He gave Thanatos a little wave and a grin and appeared to have found himself some sort of drink. Typical Bastian.

Javier looked Mariano up and down. Tall and broad, the dark-skinned mage certainly carried his share of scars, from the clearly deliberate burns on his arms to the blade-mark under his jawline. Thanatos thought it added charm to the soft lines of Mariano’s face, especially when he smiled, which was often if Thanatos had anything to do with it. He was not smiling now. Mariano’s default expression was blank, unreadable, which combined with the silver-white pact rings around his dark irises and his subtle but not-insignificant musculature lent him quite the imposing air. Even behind the dark-rimmed glasses, it was clear that Mariano was not a man to be trifled with.

Undeterred, likely due to a lack of basic survival instinct, Javier pressed on. “Sure is. Your friend here’s about to eat shit for fucking with my girl. Unless you’d like to eat it for him?” Now, that was borderline suicidal. If he hadn’t known Mariano as well as he did, Thanatos would have expected a bloodbath.

Mariano looked up at Thanatos, still dangling in the air with an expression that read “I’m sorry, please save me again.” He didn’t speak, just removed his casting dagger from his belt, held it up, and ignited the blade, his war mage’s magic shooting up through the hilt and heating the metal until it glowed. A single eyebrow shifted, challenging Javier to try him.

“You really don’t want to fight him,” Thanatos supplied, helpfully.

Javier looked as if he might try it anyway, but Violetta read the situation correctly. Smart girl. “Let’s just go, Javier. I’m fine, it’s not worth it!” she implored, pulling on his arm.

A moment’s hesitation, then the brute relented. “Whatever,” he spat, and threw Thanatos down. The vampire sat down hard in the dirt, hat askew, but that was better than having his neck wrung on what had otherwise been a fairly pleasant afternoon. His basket was down here too, fortunately undamaged. “Let’s go, Violetta.” Javier stalked off, pushing through the crowd.

Thanatos let out a heavy sigh of relief. He took the hand Mariano stretched down toward him and allowed himself to be helped to his feet. “You okay?” Mariano asked, observing his slanted hat and open collar. Thanatos felt the heat rising in his face.

He cleared his throat. “Quite all right, thanks to you, once again. Just in time, too.” He had to stop doing this. As entertaining as it was to be rescued time and time again, the risk to his person was too high. Mariano might save him, but not necessarily before he was seriously damaged.

“You have to stop doing this, I’m not always going to show up right when you need me, you know.” Mariano picked up the basket from the ground and handed it to Thanatos, who suddenly thought he might repeat the whole procedure again tomorrow.

“Oh, but you do it so well! The spectacle, the cinema! You play quite the dashing hero,” he enthused, attempting to distract from how hot he suddenly felt under his silk shirt.

Mariano looked away, probably looking for his dragon in the crowd. It was difficult to tell with Mariano, but Thanatos got the idea he might have said something wrong. Fortunately for him, Bastian returned, amused as usual. “Thought you were going to teach him a lesson. Too bad you let him get away.”

“Wasn’t worth it.” Mariano shrugged. “He was just a blowhard, and I’m sure Than started it, anyway.” He accepted his bag back from Bastian and instinctively sorted through it, as was his habit.

“I’m sure I resent that remark!” Thanatos spluttered, but before he could really get going with his retort, Violetta pushed her way back through the crowd toward them.

“I’m sorry about him. You didn’t deserve that. I should go, but here, take this. For your friend with the pretty eyes.” She pressed a meat bun into his hand and vanished again.

Thanatos blinked in momentary confusion, then held the pastry out to Mariano, who also seemed confused. “Me?”

“I think it’s relatively clear she didn’t mean Bastian. No offense meant, of course.”

Bastian grinned. “None taken. Eat it, Mariano, looks good. If you won’t, I will.”

“But your eyes-” Mariano began, meaning Thanatos’s crimson ones rather than Bastian’s white-silver.

“Oh? Taken your fancy, have they?” It came out more flirtatious than he’d intended, he was having trouble shaking off the performance. “Alluring as they may be, I already have a gift from the lady, and I can’t eat it anyhow. Take the bread and the compliment, mortal mage.” One would have to be blind to fail to acknowledge that Mariano was attractive, in Thanatos’s opinion, but Mariano didn’t seem to process it the same way.

“I- okay.” He didn’t seem convinced, but he always looked like that.

Better to just distract him, then. “Good show, Mariano. Another innocent man rescued, another reward earned. Let’s move on before I am reduced to ash, eh?” That was something he was actually worried about, not just a diversionary tactic. The clouds were moving uncomfortably quickly, hurried on by the wind.

“Wouldn’t want to have to scoop him up off of the ground. That’d take ages,” Bastian joked. Mariano laughed, and all was right with the world again.

As Bastian had predicted, the sky was nearly clear when the sun finally slipped below the horizon. The particular corner of the glade where they had built the fire was sufficiently shaded for Thanatos not to have to focus on protecting himself from the light. Not that he had much else to do than leaf through his well-worn copy of Theogonia, which had managed to survive the war tucked into a corner of his briefcase. He didn’t need to read the pages anymore, so many times had he been over these same words in the two thousand years since this particular edition had been published, but turning the leaves and skimming the familiar passages was of comfort to him, a habit he’d developed to unwind after a long day. The woods were quiet except for the soft chirping of insects and the scrape of Mariano’s knife against the whetstone.

“Is it done yet?” This was the fourth time Bastian had asked in the last hour. Thanatos didn’t blame him. The tantalising aroma of slow-cooked meat rising from the stew pot filled the air and stimulated the appetite. His sense of smell had shifted since becoming a vampire, but if one thing had remained the same, the scent still took him back to his childhood, helping his mother by the stove.

“Not quite.” Thanatos gave the pot a stir and tested the meat with the spoon. “About ten more minutes.”

Bastian groaned. “That’s what you said ten minutes ago.”

“No, ten minutes ago I said twenty minutes.”

“Fifteen,” said Mariano, inspecting the blade’s edge in the firelight.

“Hm?” It was the first time Mariano had spoken in an hour or so. Thanatos hadn’t even known he was listening.

The scraping resumed. “You said fifteen minutes. Ten minutes ago.”

“Did I?” Thanatos couldn’t recall, but if Mariano thought so, it must be true.

“Yeah.” There was a beat of silence, and then the rustle of a page and the scrape of the whetstone.

The pot simmered happily despite Bastian’s impatient scrutiny. “Can’t we just eat it now?”

Mariano laughed. “I’m sure it’ll be worth the wait, Bastian. We can’t all eat raw meat, you know. Though maybe next time pick something that doesn’t take as long, Than.”

Thanatos gave a snort of mock-indignation. “Genius cannot be rushed, mortal mage. This is an heirloom recipe passed down to me by my mother.” They’d had servants to cook for them, of course. A magistrate’s wife would never have been expected to do that sort of thing, but Thanatos’s mother had loved every part of the process from selecting ingredients to serving. She’d taught him to cut vegetables and to know when meat was tender. It was incredibly rare for him to need to use those skills, but his hands knew what to do. In a way, it was as if his mother was still alive.

True to his estimate, the stew was ready in about ten minutes. Bastian would have been happy to eat the meat before it was cooked, and if Thanatos was careful, he could sip at the tomato base without making himself ill, but it was Mariano’s opinion that mattered.

Fortunately, the mage’s first spoonful earned a smile. “It’s good!”

Thanatos sighed with relief. “I’m glad you find it so. It’s been quite a few years since I’ve had the occasion to cook, you understand.”

“It doesn’t show. It’s just too bad you can’t taste it,” Mariano said, attacking another spoonful. That dispelled the last of Thanatos’s worries that he was just saying it to be nice. Even if that would have been out of character for someone so straightforward, the apprehension was habitual.

“Oh, I remember it well enough. Enjoy it in my stead.”

“Doesn’t it make you hungry, watching other people eat?” Bastian mused, though most of his attention was caught up in finding more bits of tender meat to fish out of the stew, which Thanatos took as a victory.

He shrugged. “Mortal food is, at best, unappetizing to me at this point. My senses of taste and smell are so altered that it doesn’t register to my mind as consumable.” He was hungry, though, he realised. It had been three days since he’d eaten last: though he’d gone out yesterday and the day before, he’d been unlucky and had found no one else wandering the wilds.

House Iuventae contracts rarely came with non-sapient sustenance clauses. The Shadow could tell the difference, and if Thanatos tried to cheat, it would punish him for it with days of nausea and cramps. It was for that reason that he preferred to eat every other day if he could. A human could survive a litre of blood loss much more easily than two or three. It looked as if he’d actually have to kill today if he didn’t want to lose control of himself later, though. He’d made peace with the concept millennia ago — or so he told himself, but drinking only prepared blood during the war had brought back a vague discomfort. Prudence told him to avoid specific details when discussing it with the others, regardless. He didn’t want to know what they’d truly think of him.

Oblivious to Thanatos’s introspection, Bastian had come up with a theory of his own. “But if you dried it out or whatever, made it into flour, couldn’t you make, say, blood bread or some shit like that?”

“Well, yes, actually. House Nocta does extensive research on alternative ways to prepare blood. Whether it’s edible depends on one’s specific contract. I have a special provision that allows me to consume most liquids, but anything solid makes me ill, blood-based or otherwise.” He didn’t regret it. He was happy to never taste cake again in exchange for still being able to drink wine. The stew he was sipping at was still rather flavourless, though.

“It’s so interesting that your people have found different ways to work with your condition,” said Mariano.

Was it? Thanatos had never thought so. “Necessity is the mother of invention. But enough about vampires. Shall I read you out a story tonight?”

This got Bastian’s attention. “Do the one with the king and the wild man. I like that one.”

“Ah, yes, the epic of Gilgamesh.” He didn’t have a copy of that one in his carpetbag, but he could do the first hour or so from memory, and pick up the book from the Archfey’s later if he needed it. (If he could bear it. The sight of the empty house had made him feel hollow the last time he’d been.) He shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and when next he opened them, his voice had changed to that of the orator. “This is one of the oldest stories in the world, about two thousand years older than me, even. Translated from the tablets of an ancient civilization, large segments of the story are missing, but what we do have tells the story of a mighty king and his quest to discover the secret of immortality. Let me tell you of a man who had seen everything, whom the god Anu had granted all knowledge, who had seen secrets and hidden things, even from the time before the Flood.”

As usual, his audience was rapt, caught up by his words and taken to a time five millennia in the past, when giants walked the earth. He’d go hunting later in the evening, once the magic of ancient fable faded to that of the sandman’s sleep.

Thanatos leaned against a tree and tied his hair up into a low ponytail. He’d left his travelling jacket back at the camp as well, leaving him in just his silk shirt, tie, and trousers. The less restricted his movement was, the better, and it had the benefit of making him look younger and less careworn. He hated this, really. When he talked and laughed with Mariano and Bastian, he could pretend that he was perfectly ordinary, still fully human, but when he hunted, it was clear that he was anything but. He wasn’t even an ambush predator like Tenebrus or most other hunting vampires, the sharpening of his senses and the way his night vision flattened everything into shades of grey save for outlines of delicious scarlet around everything with a heartbeat was of little use to him. All it did was remind him how little humanity was left in him.

In his element, Thanatos was a honey trap, an attractive, confident, charismatic man whom others would gladly follow into a dark alley for a tryst — with perhaps a little hypnotic encouragement. It fit his personality quite well, and he’d been able to carve a niche out for himself in both vampiric society and back on Earth Four. He was the very picture of a Iuventus, a man of words taken with alcohol and sex and other pleasures of the flesh. Or at least he had been. Before everything. He wanted very badly to return to feeling like that man. (If he thought about it too hard, he’d realise that luring people into the night to be devoured was also rather monstrous, so he didn’t.)

Right now, his priority was to return to the village and civilization. He was still getting back into the rhythm of pursuing prey, hunting instead of being hunted. It felt good to be out at night instead of having to worry about the sun surprising him. He decided to just try to enjoy the sense of freedom. Moving at a vampire’s speed, the wind singing through his hair, the moonlight lightly caressing his skin. All the horrors of the war: the daily grind of waking up, infiltrating a location, and running away that made him feel as if the dust and grime of the road soaked into his soul. That was all behind him now. He was an ordinary vampire now, without obligations or debts, free to eat and sleep and do whatever else his heart desired.

He really should have learned his lesson from earlier in the day. Stay on your toes, don’t stop to enjoy things. Don’t dare believe you’re out of the woods. You developed that paranoia for a reason. It was his own fault he was now lying on his back on the forest floor, his ankle held fast by a metal cord. One moment, he’d been darting through the trees trying to cover distance, and the next his head had hit a tree root and sent stars exploding behind his eyes. How long had he been unconscious? Ten seconds or ten minutes?

The impact alone might have killed a mortal, but Thanatos was merely concussed. Confusedly, he tried to pull his ankle free, and only succeeded in tightening the cable around the unfortunate limb. He would leave this part out whenever he told the story afterward, but in truth, he panicked. The idea of being trapped again, being captured again, was too much for him. His nails scrabbled for purchase in the soft loam, fighting to take him somewhere, anywhere that wasn’t here. His vision tinted red, his own too-loud heartbeat overwhelming his heightened senses. It felt as if it were another person who was thrashing and kicking, desperately trying to get away and only tightening the wire until it cut down to the bone.

He flinched at the snap of a branch, close, too close. “Well, well. Look what I got here. You ain’t a cougar, are you, buddy?” The voice was rough and belonged to a banjo-string sort of man now crouching three metres away.

This should have been his salvation. If Thanatos had been in his right mind, he would have turned on the charm and begged this man for help. But no. He’d been hungry too long; his Shadow was too close to the surface, converting his stress response from fawn to flight. He didn’t even know what small indication he must have picked up on, or perhaps he truly was the animal for which the trap had been originally purposed — but before he knew it, he’d drawn back toward the tree, hissing and baring his fangs.

The man only grinned. “Who-wee, ain’t you a feisty one? Hold on, red eyes, dark hair… You’re the fucker Javier was tellin’ us about, tryin’ to muscle up on his girl. Oh, he’s gonna love this. What kind of freak are you, anyway, with teeth like that?” Oh, fucking fantastic. They’d set him up on a world where people didn’t believe in vampires, and here he was screwing it up. “Eh, doesn’t matter. Wait ’til I get Javier and the guys. It’s gonna be a riot! Not like you have much of a choice but to sit, though, huh?” The man laughed cruelly and wandered off.

Alone again. Thanatos was used to how this sort of thing went by now. The hunter would come back with a group of men, and they would kick Thanatos around until they were tired of him, and then they would probably “kill” him and dump his body somewhere. He’d wait until they left and drag himself off to lick his wounds. It would be tolerable. He would just have to endure.

Mariano was pacing again. Bastian watched him for a few minutes, hoping he would come back to bed, but eventually gave up. “Something on your mind?”

“Than’s not back yet.” Bastian had to admit that was strange. Thanatos had never been gone for over four hours before. He’d usually slip away an hour or two after dusk and return just after midnight, blood-drunk and stifling hiccups. He should have been back three hours ago.

“You want to go after him?” Mariano nodded. Bastian had already got to his feet. He knew Mariano well enough by now to know he couldn’t just stand by. “It’s a lot of ground to cover. What if we don’t find him?”

“He probably went back to the village. We can start that way and fan out if we need to. It’s all well and good if he comes back on his own, but if he’s in trouble…” Mariano trailed off, his pensive gaze wandering toward the forest and taking his feet with it.

Bastian doused the fire and moved to catch up. “I’m sure he just fell asleep somewhere,” he commented, but knew as soon as the words were spoken that they were false. Than didn’t sleep anywhere he didn’t feel safe, and definitely not by accident. When they’d first met, the two of them had spent three days in a stalemate waiting for the other to fall asleep first. It had become clear by then that Thanatos wasn’t even slightly a threat, but Bastian had had to be the one to give up on the whole thing. Than hadn’t seemed like he could, even if he’d wanted to. Even utter exhaustion couldn’t convince his body to rest if it wasn’t safe.

No, it was much more likely that he’d managed to get himself into a situation he couldn’t get himself out of. At this point, it happened so often that Bastian wondered if Thanatos did it on purpose just to enjoy the privilege of having Mariano rescue him. Not that he could blame him. Mariano took on the “knight in shining armour” role quite handsomely, all shining blade and “put him down” and “let him go.” If the mage didn’t have such a tendency to hurt himself while taking care of others, it might have been worth trying himself, but he’d seen what lengths Mariano would push himself to in order to save him. If the idiot got himself killed, it’d be much less fun.

Tracking Thanatos wasn’t difficult. The vampire didn’t have any particular abilities that lent themselves to obscure a trail. He’d been moving quickly, but not particularly quietly. They heard the commotion up ahead before they saw it: a group of about ten people, talking and yelling and throwing spears, rocks, and crossbow bolts, all centred on a tree at the edge of the clearing. The place looked like a war zone. Broken branches littered the forest floor, some splashed with dark red. Black liquid pooled in some places and flowed in others, streaming down from holes in the surrounding trees that looked like they’d been punctured with incredible force. A mass of dark hair and torn fabric, stained with blood, lay at the foot of the central tree. The same black liquid guttered weakly into a half-dome in an attempt to stop more projectiles, but couldn’t hold its shape and joined the rest of the dark splatters on the ground. Surely that wasn’t…?

Another rock bounced off of the figure’s shoulder, leaving behind a line of red that spilled down the pale skin exposed by his ruined sleeve. He shifted and some of the hair fell to the side, revealing a single scarlet eye, darting from side to side, searching for an escape. The leader of the pack, recognizable as the brute from earlier in the day, hurled another stone that struck the wounded creature across the temple. A yelp of pain rang out, but then the shape was silent.

“I think I finally got him!” Javier exclaimed. “How much do you think they’ll pay for his head?”

Mariano had already come to his conclusion. “Leave him.” Despite the lack of exclamation point, his voice was clear and cold and had an impressive volume that carried it well enough to make the rabble stop what they were doing.

Javier turned to see who had spoken. “You again? Seems like you really want trouble. Why do you care so much about this monster, anyway? All it wanted was the steal our people away in the night. I did this town a favour by exterminating it.”

“You’ll regret laying hands on him.” A statement of fact, not a threat. Mariano never threatened.

Javier snorted. “I don’t think so. Maybe I should take care of you, too, for protecting that thing. Boys!” At his command, the scattered hunters left off taking potshots at Thanatos and aimed their weapons at the new threat.

Bastian loved watching this part. Mariano fought like a wild thing, with a magic that was hungry, ruthlessly efficient and utterly without mercy. In some ways, one could say he fought like a dragon. Bastian couldn’t afford to be distracted watching his mage work, though. Rescuing Thanatos was more important, and so he refocused, his new objective heavily discouraging any of Javier’s goons from running to his aid.

Mariano let out a deep breath and put his magic away. The smell of charred flesh rose over the scent of the forest at night — more of which was Bastian’s work than his, if he was honest. “We’re all clear now, Than. Are you all right?” The figure by the tree made no sound, and Bastian threw Mariano an inquisitive glance. He elected to approach, wanting to see if that last rock had knocked the vampire unconscious.

Unconscious he was not, and the speed at which he withdrew toward the perceived safety of the tree surprised even Mariano. The curtain of his hair obscured his face, and it was a bit unsettling the way the glowing red eyes watched Mariano through the tangle, pupils narrowed into slits with none of the good humour or charm he was used to seeing in them. If the vampire weren’t wearing Thanatos’s clothes — or, rather, what was left of them — he’d almost believe it wasn’t Than he was watching at all. Thanatos’s eyes showed no recognition, only wary apprehension, as if he were waiting for Mariano to reveal threatening intent. Was he too far gone to realize who they were?

Mariano continued to approach, slowly, giving Thanatos time to track his movements. “You’re safe now,” he murmured. “It’s just me. It’s Mariano, you know me. Bastian’s here too. Let him see you, Bastian.” Bastian approached as he was told, but Thanatos backed away, which pulled taut a thin wire around his ankle. The metal had cut into his flesh to the point that white bone was visible amidst the mess of pink and red. “That hurts a lot, doesn’t it? Let us help you. We’ll get that off of you and get you somewhere we can treat it, okay?” He could only hope that their potions would work on a vampire. It didn’t look at all treatable otherwise.

Thanatos remained silent. That was the weirdest thing about it. The Thanatos Mariano knew rarely stopped talking: his presence was a constant stream of words about everything and nothing, almost as if he were afraid to stop. Right about now, he would usually apologise profusely for needing to be rescued at all and be on the verge of composing an epic ballad about their combat prowess, maybe a little worse for wear but trying hard not to show it. As Mariano approached, all he could hear were the harsh exhales forcing themselves through the vampire’s nose. That it wasn’t broken was a miracle, considering the state of the rest of his face. Thanatos did a good job of not looking like a corpse most days, but the bruising mottling his cheeks and over his eyes appeared distinctly post-mortem. Tear tracks, long dried, were visible under the blood and dirt. And yet, through it all, he looked not fearful exactly, but… vigilant. Distrustful. He hadn’t given up at all. He was just waiting to see what else he would have to endure.

Mariano tried again. “Thanatos? Bastian’s gonna get that cord off of you, okay? And then you can just come to me. We’ll take you somewhere safe.” Thanatos still didn’t seem to hear, but Bastian’s approach certainly got his attention, eliciting a growl from deep within the vampire’s chest.

“Doesn’t seem like he wants our help,” Bastian murmured, slowing, but not stopping.

“He’s just afraid.” This was a sound like a cornered animal, not like a predator, ready to fight if he had to, but wanting to avoid it. “We can’t just leave him like this. He’ll understand once the wire’s gone.” At least, he probably would. “It’s okay, Than. Come to me, you’ll be safe. You trust me, right?” Mariano could only hope Thanatos did. It certainly seemed like it, given how quickly he’d started to account for the mage in his plans. Would that trust be able to cut through whatever was going on with him?

The growl became louder as the distance between Bastian and Thanatos closed, and escalated into a hiss when he got close enough to touch the wire. It was Mariano’s turn to fill the air with words, anything to distract Thanatos long enough for Bastian to do his thing. If Than tried to run again, he’d probably make everything worse. “Eyes on me, Than, that’s it. I know you’re scared. He won’t hurt you. We’re friends. You know that. You remember us. We’re going to get you out of here, and then we’ll make your leg stop hurting.” Mariano extended a hand toward his injured friend, proving that he held no weapon and no ill intent. It was up to Thanatos to believe him, if he even could right now.

Everything happened at once. A rush of dragon fire, the twang of metal parting from metal. Thanatos lunged toward Mariano at lightning speed, covering the distance between them before Bastian could even shout a warning. White-hot pain, a burst of warm blood, wet, lips, tongue, breath, a dull thud, blackness.

part 2 up tomorrow!

taglist: @athenswrites, @albatris, @thethistlegirlwrites

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warpedlegacywrites · 11 months ago

Note

Happy Friday! For some Theresa/Cullen Battle Couple Fluff, "Night Out"? (Maybe how they wind down after getting jumped in hightown on a date night?)

Happy @dadrunkwriting! I had a fair bit of fun with this prompt. I would have liked to include more of the alley fight itself, but my brain can't wrap itself around combat writing tonight lol.

Theresa rests her hand on her hip and huffs at an errant curl that falls across her eyes, surveying the damage. “All things considered,” she says, “it actually turned out to be quite a nice night.” Cullen stares at her, somewhat incredulous. Though he shouldn’t be surprised. After six years, he should really see things like this coming. Even so, he feels compelled to once again be the voice of reason, futile though it is. “Our first night out without Ellie in months had to start late because Rosie forgot she was watching her, our favorite tavern is closed thanks to a petty feud with a rival barkeep, I’m pretty sure the meat we were served at the pub we did end up eating at was raw, and on top of that, we get mugged on our way home.” He gestures down at the several unconscious figures splayed across the alley before the two of them. “Well, they certainly tried.” Theresa’s mouth tilts with a smug smirk, eyes alight with adrenaline in the moonlight. “And I’ve already told you – that meat wasn’t raw, it was medium-rare. It’s how it’s supposed to be cooked.”

One of the figures stirs, and lets out a pained groan, probably deeply regretting his return to consciousness. A broken nose will make someone regret a lot of things.

“I refuse to believe that we’re supposed to give ourselves food poisoning for the sake of flavor.” Cullen steps up to the would-be mugger, tilting his face up to him using the toe of his boot. He waits until the man’s eyes slowly blink open before he speaks down to him. “I take it you and your companions have learned your lesson?”

The poor sod tries to nod, but his chin is trapped by Cullen’s boot. Cullen releases him and lets him gather his compatriots while he goes to stand next to Tess.

“Must you always point out only the negative?” she asks with a musical tone, smirk still firmly in place.

“Oh, please do point out what positive might be gleaned from tonight’s disaster?”

Anyone else might assume her to be completely nonchalant about the bruised glares pointed her way. Cullen knows it for a mask – behind that careless air, there’s a glint of calculation in her eyes, and the glint of steel about her flashing teeth. She’s watching them all quite carefully. When they launch their secondary attack, foolishly presuming her guard down, they don’t even notice the rising scent of ozone in the alley, or the spark of electricity in her palm.

Not that it would have done them much good if they had – there’s nowhere to dodge her chain lightning in this narrow space. Cullen manages to flatten his hands over his ears to block out the worst of the deafening strike, but it’s a near thing. The muggers, having finally learned their lesson, turn tail and run – those who can. The rest are dragged or carried out between them.

“We got to work out our aggression,” she answers, making a show of blowing at the tendrils of smoke arising from her fingers. Cullen watches her mouth as she does, the soft petals of her lips perked into a rounded shape designed to tantalize him. “And we still got to have a night out, just the two of us.”

She looks up, catching him watching her, blinking in surprise. Another mask – he doesn’t believe for a moment she wasn’t doing that deliberately and solely for his benefit.

“In fact,” she continues, her voice dropping to a register that never fails to stir that primal response in his core. “The night doesn’t have to end here.”

Cullen’s heart jumps within his breast at the thought of taking her right here, right now, in this filthy and now blood-stained alley. However, common decency maintains its hold on him, and he forms a much better plan.

“I know a place not far from here that will rent us a room by the hour,” he says, holding up a finger at her arched eyebrow. “But you have to promise not to ask how I know.”

“Well, now I want to ask even more.”

He chuckles and rubs at his neck. He walked right into that one. “It’s not what you’re thinking,” he says, somewhat sheepishly. “There’s an inn I used to frequent, but it’s because I would always play chess with the old barkeep when business was slow.”

“That’s very sweet of you – though I’m not sure why you’d be embarrassed about it?”

“Well… it’s not the sort of place you’d expect to see anyone young enough to still be working,” he admits reluctantly. “I didn’t exactly have many options for companionship among the other templars, and that old biddy was just about the only person who could beat me at the game as often as Mia… until you, that is.”

Theresa’s eyes glisten with fondness as she cups his face. “I’d love to meet her.”

“Let’s hope you don’t,” he laughs. “If she’s the one working the bar, we’ll never make it up to the room! She’ll insist on a match then and there.”

#my writing #dadwc prompts #battle couple #fluff #cullen rutherford #theresa trevelyan #cullen x theresa #cullen x trevelyan #established relationship #parents getting the rare night out #except it's cullen and theresa #so of course it's not normal

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idemida · 5 months ago

Text

The Commander’s Darling | Chapter 7

Reposted from AO3

~ Summary:

You are a poor young woman working in a tavern around some sketchy people and Erwin gets you out of a bad situation. He is immediately drawn to you and has to have you around, so he comes up with an excuse that he needs a secretary. Of course you say yes! After all, you need the job and shelter, and he is the only man you have felt you can trust in a long time.

You fall in love and lust for each other, but who knows who will give in first.

This is going to be more of a slow-burn, with little connection to the actual plot of the series, although it does take place in-universe. Some characters will be used for plot-points very different from the actual series.

~ Word Count: 5,077

~ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Reader

~ Tags: slowburn; loveatfirstsight; lustatfirstsight; jealousy; pining

The conversation with Miche really affected you. After the distraction with the gun affair, it was a reminder of the worries to come.

You tossed and turned under the covers, your mind attacking you with different unwanted scenarios. Perhaps, Erwin will return from the expedition, but Hange won’t, and your recent memories of her will be all that remain, the accusations, the suspicions. Then there was the fear that Erwin will not come back. You were ashamed to admit that the thought of that felt far worse. You tried to convince yourself it was not because you were interested in him as a man. After all, he was so admirable, surely losing him would be a great loss for humanity, and you were part of humanity. Yes, that is why you were so worried. You admired him. It also helped that he did a lot for you. It was ridiculous to think you could be interested in him as man, especially because you did not know him. You had known him for such a short amount of time. Only three weeks. Just a short amount of time, that cannot indicate anything. You could never commit to a man in such a precarious position anyway. You were a sensible girl, you could never fall for a guy like that. You just admired him for his devotion to his cause and for the fact that he was willing to help you when you needed it. His looks are a separate matter, you thought, just because you think he is handsome does not mean you are attracted to him.

Then other negative thoughts flooded your mind. You realised everyone you met recently could easily never return, and they might die before you fully managed to make amends and show gratitude for everything they had done for you. You did not want them to die without fully clearing the air around your intentions and loyalty. Not that you could accept them dying in any other circumstance, but it felt more painful to think about how this could end up being an unfinished chapter of your life.

You somehow managed to fall asleep, but as you woke up you immediately found your heart thumping harshly against your chest. As much as you were worried, you felt like you had no right to be if the others were the ones who would be exposed to danger. You decided it was time to ignore any feelings you had on the matter and get ready to take on the day. You wanted to be as useful as possible. You also wanted to be as beautiful as possible, so you spent longer than usual on your appearance.

You went into the office with a smile on your face. You figured, the friendlier you were, the more likely Erwin was to not regret his decision about hiring you and keeping you after everything that happened. He was sat at his desk and as he looked up to welcome you, you noticed he had piles of papers around him.

‘Good morning!’ You chirped

‘Good morning, Y/n.’ He said, but his tone was far more neutral than yours. Not seeing your happiness reflected on his face chipped away at your enthusiasm

‘Is everything alright?’

‘Yes, I just had a lot more work open up.’

‘Well, I thought since you changed the route, I would find you happier than usual.’ You said ‘What can I do to help you with the work?’

‘Oh, this isn’t something you-’ The he stopped ‘How do you know I changed the route already? Hange really is fast.’ He chuckled

‘Oh no. Miche told me last night.’

He had no reaction to that, just a neutral nod. You stood in place awkwardly, holding your elbow as you stopped yourself from crossing your arms. The mood in the room was not as fresh and sweet as it was yesterday when you ate together. Since the atmosphere was so awkward, you felt the need to add something more.

‘We saw each other outside randomly and I asked him why he looks so happy.’

‘Yes, that’s a good question. I’m curious why he took the changes to mean we will be safer out there.’

You shrugged, still standing around awkwardly.

‘Let me think if there’s anything for you to do.’

‘But-’ You began and he looked up ‘I think Hange also thought the changes mean the same thing.’

‘Well, there are no secure routes. I don’t know why they think that.’ He scratched his stubble ‘I believe the changes don’t make much of a difference.’

You looked around as he read through something silently.

‘Then…’ You began ‘Why did you change the route?’

He looked up at you, silent. His eyes were difficult to read, on the inside he was full of apprehension, but on the outside, he seemed neutral, if not, negative. To you, it seemed, he was moody for no reason.

‘Because…’ His eyes darted downwards for an instant and when he looked back at you, all you could see was professional coldness ‘The truth is, at this stage, I don’t think you would be capable of understanding, and I do not have time to explain right at this moment. In short, we have not been down this route in a while and I want to see if there have been changes in the environment, titan presence and so on. Y/n, please do not get your hopes up we’ll return.’

You nodded, looking down. You were curious why his words seemed so much harsher than yesterday. It seemed like he woke up angry.

‘Please, come behind the desk, so I can explain how you can help.’

You did as he asked and looked over his shoulder. He asked you to look at the renewal dates for multiple contracts and to report back with a summary in a few minutes. As you took the papers from him, you felt one of the sheets cut the side of your index finger. You involuntarily gasped and flinched. He looked up at your face in confusion, only to see you sucking on the side of your finger. His eyes widened when you looked back at him. As soon as you made eye contact, you pulled your hand away from your lips.

‘I’m so sorry, that was so childish, but I got a papercut.’ You laughed and he gave you a slight acknowledging smile

‘I promise if there was somebody else in here, I would have acted professional. I won’t embarrass you. Well, not any further than I have already.’ It didn’t exactly help to remind him there was nobody else in the room right now. He wondered if your words meant you could tell what he was thinking. Then he realised you meant all the things that had happened in the past because your face seemed too innocent for any other comment.

‘Will you be fine enough to get me breakfast after?’ He decided he wanted you to leave him alone for a bit ‘Of course, feel free to get something for yourself.’ He pulled out some money from the inside pocket of his uniform and passed it to your non-injured hand. However, you noticed, this time he seemed careful not to touch you.

‘Yes, of course!’ You said, trying to fake some enthusiasm ‘Same as yesterday?’

‘Yes.’ He replied and you took the stack of paper, left it in your office and ran off to the shop to get the food

It took you around half an hour to get the breakfast and tea to him, and when you entered, Miche, Levi and Hange were inside the room. You greeted them all with a polite smile and walked behind the desk. There was so much paper on the desk, you did not want to risk placing it on there. He started clearing the piles away and putting them on the floor.

‘Man, it sure must be nice having someone bring you food whenever you want.’ Miche joked around and Erwin scoffed.

It seemed like Hange was looking to make eye contact with you to get some acknowledgement or friendliness. You obliged, although you felt awkward around the people in the room. Levi was his usual neutral self, barely following you with his eyes.

‘Do you need anything else?’ You turned to Erwin

‘I’ll call on you later.’ He said and you walked out

An hour later, as you waited to be called upon, Hange came into your office to see you.

‘How are you feeling?’ She asked and you wondered why. Perhaps, it was obvious to everyone Erwin was colder than usual. Or maybe he was finally putting you to work and being less nice.

‘I don’t know.’ You said ‘I am surprised by Erwin’s mood today. I thought since everyone else is happy, he will be too.’

‘Who’s happy?’

‘Miche. I told him Miche told me about the change of route last night and he seemed to think it was wrong to see the mission as safer.’

‘Well, Miche is the second strongest after Levi. It’s kind of expected he’ll survive.’ Hange said

‘What about you?’

‘I’m sure I’ll get lucky.’ She smiled, but you had a feeling she was just being humble ‘Anyway, I came here to ask you if you want to join us next week when we go up the wall. We usually do an inspection of what’s directly outside Wall Maria before we leave.’

You nodded instinctively. I guess she didn’t want to admit Erwin had put her up to the task.

‘I’d love to see what’s outside the wall. Yes.’ You smiled and she smiled back.

Later in the day, at lunch, you skipped the line and joined Miche and Levi at the table. You were so glad Miche was there, so you had someone approachable to speak to. You greeted them both and Levi only nodded politely. You still worried he might suspect you as Hange did.

‘How are you doing?’ Miche asked and you nodded

‘I’m good. How are you?’ You mostly looked at Levi ‘How are you feeling about the changes to the route?’

‘Can’t find a fuck to give, if I’m honest.’ Levi said curtly ‘I think most people are happy about it. I’m pretty neutral.’

It made sense, since he was humanity’s strongest, you thought.

‘It seems Erwin doesn’t like it. Although, the decision was his.’ You admitted

Levi smirked.

‘I think there were outside influences.’ He said and Miche raised his eyebrows, hiding a smile.

Then, Levi drawled on, not even looking at you directly: ‘Erwin likes creating more work for himself and acting angry about it. I’m sure he’s going to use this change as a reason to keep you in the office with him. There’s just so much work to do.’

You didn’t really understand why Miche was chuckling.

‘Well, yes, I guess that’s true.’ You said, at which Miche almost burst into laughter

‘What’s so funny?’ You asked and Miche shrugged ‘Is this about what happened yesterday?’ Levi looked at you confused ‘I know I did not apologise to you, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry about the gun, but I swear I’m clean.’

Levi nodded. ‘Don’t you worry about that. It’s not about that.’

‘Then what’s it about?’

Hange joined the table at this moment and the topic of conversation changed. Her presence only contributed more awkwardness. If it wasn’t for Miche, you might have died from embarrassment, but he made the conversation easier. The weird thing was, Erwin didn’t join you for lunch.

‘Y/n, I would suggest you get a tray for Erwin and deliver it to him.’ Levi advised and you nodded. ‘If he’s really busy, he forgets to eat.’

‘Oh Levi,’ Hange feigned a swoon ‘You’re too sweet.’ Levi scoffed at this and Miche chuckled. It reminded you of the earlier lunches you had with them. You were hoping that soon enough all lunches will go somewhat like they did in the past. Hopefully, with Erwin there too. Actually, you realised, first you had to hope they will come back.

You did as Levi advised. You got a tray and readied yourself to go into the office and have your enthusiasm curbed once again. You couldn’t knock on the door, so you announced yourself tentatively through the door. Erwin opened it after a few seconds of you waiting and took the tray from your hands. You were surprised by that, since you expected he would let you come in and set it on the desk.

‘Thank you, Y/n.’ He nodded, but even if he was neutral, his neutrality seemed cold to you

‘Is everything alright?’

‘Yes, why?’

‘You seem a bit…’ You paused ‘Have I done something wrong?’ You watched him place the tray on one of the cupboards on the side of the room ‘Last night, I thought you were happy with me, despite everything.’

‘I was.’ He said ‘I’m not unhappy. This isn’t about you.’

He lied. This was definitely about you. Last night, he impulsively decided to change the route to a ‘safer’ more familiar one, although there was no guarantee. He knew nobody could guarantee his return, but he was doing everything he could to ensure it. It made him irritated, angry even, that you were the reason for this. You had been in his life for three weeks and already managed to deviate his plans and his goals. He was sure everybody could tell, and he knew that for this reason people would doubt him. It was a prerequisite that the Commander of the Survey Corps has to be ready to give up his life at any given moment. If he allowed himself to get infatuated further…

He realised that over the past three weeks he was not himself, acting just as out of character as you were when you shot with that gun in the tavern. He had hired a person he did not need, and put that person above his responsibilities and goals. He could not imagine how bad things were going to get in the future if he continued. There was a part of him that felt like he was out of control. All of those years of missed chances, deprivations and discipline were catching up to him and fuelling his attraction to you. Perhaps, he thought, the best course of action would be to push you away somewhat and help you find another job.

‘Well, alright. I’m assuming you are not joining us for dinner?’

He paused for a moment.

‘No.’

But he turned to look at you as he could still feel you were worrying about something.

‘What is it?’

‘Nothing.’

‘No, what is it?’

‘I feel like after what happened…’ You began ‘Your presence at the table would give me more legitimacy.’

‘Right.’ He nodded ‘I’ll see what I can do. Now, I have some more things to attend to.’

Erwin did join the dinner table and sat opposite you. He seemed tired and irritated, but at least he was there.

‘What’s wrong, grump?’ Hange greeted him

‘Nothing. Why would you think there’s something wrong?’ He answered

All of you got the hint to not press him further. You all began to eat and it seemed like Erwin’s presence added tension. Miche seemed to be cautious about making jokes and because of everything that happened between you two, Hange found it difficult to look you in the eyes. Suddenly Levi turned to you.

‘Y/n, what would you like us to bring you from the outside world as a gift?’

You smiled wide involuntarily at the gesture. You were not expecting him to ask something so sweet. Everyone at the table looked at you, Erwin with a fake neutral expression.

‘Perhaps, a titan head.’ You said, earning Miche’s surprised laughter immediately. Hange and Erwin seemed shocked. All Levi did was widen his eyes slightly, but you could tell he was shocked too.

‘Titans disintegrate after they’re dead, so there will be no head to bring.’ Erwin explained, his face slightly pink from surprise.

‘We could bring a live titan though. For experiments.’ Hange turned to him and he raised an eyebrow

‘I think we are not ready for that just yet.’ He replied

‘I was hoping you would give a more humble answer.’ Levi said ‘Like a pebble, or some grass.’

You started laughing.

‘But Erwin said the outside world is the same as within the walls, so the grass and stones would not be very special.’

Erwin found himself irritated again because hearing his name from your lips excited him. Especially saying it when you smiled like this, all embarrassed.

‘I also feel like you guys would prank me and bring me something from inside the walls and lie.’

‘Grass it is, then.’ Levi said bluntly

You smiled again and heat rose to your cheeks. Erwin was once again unpleasantly surprised that the smile you directed at Levi bothered him.

‘I’m obviously just hoping you guys will come back.’ You made sure to look at Hange as you said that because you did not have the bravery to look at Erwin

Suddenly Erwin found himself strategizing if he could bring a titan in, as some sort of trophy for you to be impressed by. Naturally, with these thoughts in mind, his irritation with himself only increased.

Then, the days progressed normally. You did your work to the best of your ability, counting down the days until the expedition with dread in your heart. You rarely spoke of anything other than work with Erwin and his attitude towards you never went back to the warmth he used to show you before. He was mostly neutral towards you, but since you were used to him being warmer, it felt cold. He did join you guys at the cafeteria sometimes, but in the week leading up to the expedition, Hange, Levi and Miche ate and spent most of their time with their squads in training.

You started going to Hange’s department more, focussing on Moblit and the others during conversation to avoid the awkwardness you still sometimes felt around her. She told you that none of them know about the gun incident, so you felt fine around them. Although they made your days easier, you felt bad that you wanted to avoid getting attached to them just in case something happens to them.

You avoided talking about the expedition in any sentimental way, beyond logistics, contracts and the like. You tried to avoid upsetting people as much as possible and there was a part of you that thought Erwin’s coldness came from his fear of his potential death. You had no idea what he was like before expeditions, so that was a possibility in your mind.

On the day when you were going to go to Wall Maria, you shared your theory with Hange as you walked together to the cart that would bring you to the wall.

‘Oh no,’ She said with a slight smile ‘Erwin is not afraid of death at all. In my opinion, he is the most driven Commander the Survey Corps has had.’

Hange’s squad was going to share the cart with you while Erwin rode ahead on a horse.

Hange seemed to be bubbling up with excitement, which you could not believe because you could never imagine having positive emotions the day before an expedition. She was able to crack jokes and laugh, as if nothing seemed to bother her. Her behaviour almost made it feel irrational to be worrying for her sake. However, you realised from looking at the quivering faces of some of her squad members that this attitude was more beneficial.

Being on a cart made things less awkward since you were not stuck in an enclosed space with people, needing to make conversation. You could look around freely, feel the breeze and bask in the brightness of the sun. Although it was autumn, and there was a chill in the air, the weather that day was nice. Any silence was filled by the sound of the people on the streets, birds and wind, and that felt much more comfortable than your trip with Levi and Erwin in the carriage. Although, it did feel and look strange to be the only ununiformed person on the cart.

Later, you reached the bottom of the wall, and got off from the cart onto the grass. You searched for Erwin and as you found him, you realised he was already looking at you. The corners of his lips lifted in a slight smile, and he got off the horse to pull his gaze away. You then looked at the lift that was going to bring you up, realising it was not what you imagined. You started to question if it was truly possible for something so simple to not be blown away by a strong wind. There was no strong wind that day, but since you were ignorant of the details, you began to wonder if the breeze would result in stronger wind above and simply blow you away. Did you even have the capacity to keep yourself safe as these trained soldiers did?

‘I guess it’s time.’ Hange pushed you gently towards the platform by placing a hand on your back ‘Erwin, Rashad, Harold and I will come up with you. It’s going to be so much fun, I cannot wait to see your reaction.’

‘Do you think there are titans just outside the wall?’ You asked, your nervousness becoming more visible

‘Well, that’s what we’re here for. To check in advance.’ Erwin said as he approached you

‘I guess what I mean is…’ You rubbed your hands to deal with the tension ‘Do you often encounter them during these inspections?’

‘Honestly, yes.’ Moblit replied ‘But they’re not tall enough to reach the edge of the wall.’

You nodded and tried your best to look appreciative instead of full of dread as you were. Then you stepped on the platform and the rest followed. As soon as it was lifted off the ground you began to have regrets. The wires it relied on did not keep it perfectly fixed in place and that was a detail you had not anticipated. It did not feel sturdy at all, the closest thing you could compare it to was when you had gotten on a boat as a child and felt it roll from side to side as you moved around on it.

At least, the fact that the others spoke to each other normally, gave you some peace of mind.

As the platform began to scale up the wall and the houses that were once level with you became smaller, you found yourself feeling fascinated, but also frozen by a feeling of dread. You were not sure how or why, but your body started reacting in ways you did not expect. You felt trapped on that platform. Your breaths became shorter and shorter. You struggled looking beyond your feet, because the view of the small houses behind the lightly swinging platform was nauseating.

Your face had changed colour, and Erwin noticed you struggled to engage in conversation with them.

‘Y/n?’ Erwin asked gently ‘Are you alright?’

You did not look up from your feet. Your lips quivered as you thought about your response. They went out of their way to bring you here and do something nice. Something unforgettable that most people you knew couldn’t dream of. Yet, you were too scared. The platform stopped in place. You looked to one side and saw the edge of the wall. As you realised you reached the top, you glanced to the other side for a mere second and you felt your stomach sink at how high you were. Erwin noticed your hands shaking, while Hange was still blabbering on.

‘I don’t know how to tell you this.’ You continued looking down at your feet and swallowed the panicked lump in tour throat ‘I don’t think I can move.’

‘What? Why?’ Hange approached you

‘I’m…’ You lifted your hand from your hip and everyone saw how shaky you were ‘I think I’m afraid of heights.’ The hand was shaking so strongly, all it did was make you even more worried because you had never reacted to anything in this way before. Suddenly, Erwin’s hand enveloped yours and the shock of the gesture made you stop shaking immediately. You looked up at him and this was the warmest he had been in the past week and a half. His eyes were so kind, so gentle. For a fraction of a second he let himself rub the back of your hand. It was so soft, he thought, it made him want to see how soft you were everywhere. As he saw you struggle to breathe, he squeezed your hand and took you towards the edge of the wall

‘No.’ You halted ‘I honestly don’t think I can make that step across.’

‘It’s alright.’ He said ‘Just hold onto me as you do it.’ He pulled you but you shook your head, closing your eyes ‘Y/n, this is so safe, we even use these lifts for horses.’

The sudden mention of horses made you laugh and he used this as an opportunity to give your back a gentle push.

‘Come on.’ He said, smiling ‘I guess I’ll have to pick you up and bring you there.’

Upon hearing that, you remembered there were other people behind you. You decided to be brave, even if you felt like it was impossible. You stepped onto the wall first and he followed you, still holding your hand. You breathed out in relief, as you finally felt solid ground under your feet. He let go of your hand and immediately walked towards the other edge of the wall to inspect, which was something you could not dare to do yet.

‘I cannot believe it.’ Erwin turned back, facing the rest of the group as they stepped onto the wall ‘There are no titans in sight.’

The rest seemed to react in bewilderment at the statement, which showed you this was unusual. You tried not to let it, but it gave you a level of certainty they will all come back alive from this.

The platform then went down another time for the rest of the squad to come up. You looked at Erwin and you could see through his eyes he was beckoning you to approach the other side.

You took two small steps towards him, smiling in embarrassment. Then, you could not hide your awe.

The outside world was so beautiful, so green and lush. The greenery spanned as far the eye could see. The horizon had small hills in the distance and big leafy trees scattered across the grassy fields, which were already starting to change colours to orange and yellow in some places. The sky was cloudless, so the bright blue against the green overwhelmed the eyes with a natural beauty that you were not used to. You spent your entire life living in your run down neighbourhood and you rarely saw the countryside, so such natural scenery was rare for you and took your breath away. However, you noticed it seems to thrive better than what lies within the walls, and you wondered if the brightness of the sun that day was not adding an illuminating filter, making things look more beautiful than they were.

‘It’s so beautiful.’ You said a bit too quietly, and Erwin realised you were mostly saying it to yourself ‘I’m so glad you showed it to me.’ You turned to Erwin and you felt overwhelmed a second time. The way the light of the sun cast light upon him, made him look almost angelic. His eyes shone with a glimmer that made the blue seem almost supernatural, reflecting the blue background around him. You stared at him a little too long and you did not realise that he was looking at you, feeling the exact same way.

The lack of titans gave Erwin a reckless sense of confidence, he lost any sense of awkwardness or cautiousness.

‘Since you think it’s so beautiful, what would you like as a gift from the outside world?’

‘Oh,’ You laughed awkwardly, looking down at the edge of the wall, which caused you to take a step back ‘Nothing. I just hope you come back alive. I would never ask anything of you.’

‘But I want to bring you something.’

You looked up at his eyes and he seemed so determined, you realised you could not get away with humbly rejecting his offer.

‘Have you ever seen flowers on any of your expeditions?’ You asked and instantly regretted it. It was too obvious and too romantic. Too on the nose. But all he did was smile ‘Or some nice leaves from a tree. I was thinking, I could press them inside a book and keep as a memory forever.’

His smile widened. ‘Honestly, I’ve never noticed wild flowers. Although, I must admit I’ve never looked and during expeditions, there are a thousand other things to occupy the mind. I won’t promise anything, but I will try.’

You looked around and noticed that the Hange squad had distanced themselves from you slightly. You started to wonder if you were lucky that you could share this private moment together or if they had gifted it to you intentionally, since she said she wanted to see your reaction.

‘I’m sorry.’ You said ‘I know I told you I won’t embarrass you again, but I had no way of knowing I’m afraid of heights.’

‘Oh, I was not embarrassed at all.’ He replied, still smiling and the sun was only making his blush more obvious ‘Plus, it’s not like you’re a scout. This is not part of your job description.’

‘By the way, do you need me to do anything before tomorrow?’

‘Honestly, all of the work is done. You can rest for today and tonight.’

You nodded, looking down at the outside world again, noticing your heartbeat speed up.

‘Perhaps, you want me to get you some special type of food or something to help your nerves before you leave?’ You asked ‘I assume the night before is difficult.’

‘Honestly, for me, the night before is as any other.’ He said and although it was mostly true, he knew that tonight will not be the same.

#erwin x reader #ao3 #attack on titan #erwin smith

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alerstheworst · 9 months ago

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Yes this is a vox machina self insert thanks for noticing! Enjoy

Think vines of flowering greenery grew across every outlying wall of the tavern. White, yellow, and pink flowers shimmered in the sunlight of the setting sun, wafting the sweet dents of honey and jasmine. Light, playful music could be heard just inside, only slightly too quiet for them to hear the words of the song but the tune made them smile despite themselves. The sign read “Honeysuckle Song”.

This certainly was not the scene that Vox Machina frequented. Usually, the promise of the strongest booze is what lead them from one place to another. But today, these flowers had charmed them.

“Are we sure about this place?” Grog groaned, “It doesn’t even look like they have ale here!”

“I’m with the big guy,” Scanlan joined, “I feel like walking in here will ruin my street cred.”

“Oh come one guys, you always get to pick the places we go. It’s my turn and I like it here! Keyleth interjected.

“I’m with Kiki,” Vax said with a nod of his head.

“Big shock there,” Vex grumbled under her breath. Percy muffled a chuckle at the sight of her glowering.

With an eye roll in his sister's direction, Vax declared, “Whatever. I’m going inside.” And despite the unhappiness of a few, the group followed suit with little disagreement.

The sight that greeted them on the inside was even stranger than that of the outside. The bar was made of living branches of vines and trees encouraged to grow in the fashion of a counter. Along it were dozens of little flowers and countless leaves. The stools seemed to be made similarly. The room had a few tables, mostly empty at the moment save for a halting couple in the corner enjoying what seemed to be tea and a sweet of some kind. Turning the wall accords from the bar, they noted how this wall was covered in a green, dense moss from floor to ceiling.

“This is a Keyleth place for sure,” Vax mumbled as he stumbled towards the bar. He looked over to what seemed to be a small stage that had a band with a lute player, a flutist, and a lovely human girl smiling a song in a language he didn’t recognize. He was tempted to hum the tune regardless.

“Why hello there!” Greeted a woman at the bar. She was shorter, almost enough to be mistaken as a dwarf. But she was human, with shoulder-length blond curly hair that framed her round face and dark green eyes. She seemed quite young to Vax.

“Hello,” Vax replied with a half-smile as he sat on one of the stools, “What in the world is this place if you don’t mind my asking.”

“That’s a very fair question,” She giggled, smiling brightly as Vax as she wiped her hands on the apron she was wearing, “This is my tavern! It might look a little different,” she said gesturing at the counter, “and we might serve a few more teas and pasties than most other places, but a tavern nonetheless.”

“Your tavern?” Vax questioned giving her a look up and down clearly pondering her age.

“Yes, let me introduce myself. I am Lily, the owner of this lovely place. And the baker as you can see from the mess all over me,” Lily answered, waving her hand to the mess of flour and chocolate on her apron.

“Vax,” he said, putting his hand out for a handshake, which she happily returned, “and those idiots,” he pointed behind himself to where the rest of Vox had piled themselves onto one of the tables in the tavern and were currently heckling the band, “ are my friends. Hope you don’t mind us being a bit rowdy.”

“Lovely to meet you Vax! And I’m happy for the energy in here, it can be a bit deery in here when we are slow so I appreciate it.” Lily grinned, her eyes shining.

“Hope you don’t end up regretting that,” he chuckled.

“Me too! So, what can I get for you guys?” Lily asked, quirking her head to the side.

“Those folks will probably want ale, but I think I’d rather have whatever you recommend,” Vax replied resting his head on his hand, looking up at her through his eyelashes.

“Okay! But I don’t promise that it’ll be your taste,” she winked at him already turning to fulfill his request.

“That just fine,” he sighed, closing his eyes a bit, listening to the music. The tune settled into his bones, relieving him of some of the pressure on his mind and body. He strangely felt, at ease sitting here quietly in the care of this song and this woman.

“This place is awesome!” Keyleth exclaimed as she came and sat at the bar with him, “however made this place did a crazy great job! Like a plant mad scientist.”

“I don’t know why, but I think she’d be flattered if you told her that,” vax replied looking over at the red-headed Druid.

“Aye, are you talking about me?” Alise said as she returned with a steaming mug for vax.

“Only good things, I promise,” he promised looking down at his cup. A fresh and sweet scent lingered.

“Better be! This is my favorite tea blend. It’s lavender blueberry tea with honey and lemon. Give it a try,” Lily explained pushing the mug closer to him.

“That sounds yummy!” Keyleth grinned looking towards Lily.

“And you are?” Lily asked, turning her attention towards the redhead.

“Keyleth! And you? Are you the owner?” Keyleth answered, pulling her hair over her shoulder and messing with it. Vax picked up the mug and gave it a long sniff before taking a sip. It was sweet and fresh and tasted like sunlight and summer.

“I’m Lily! And yes, I’m the owner.”

“I totally love what you have done with the place, including all these plants is really cool, it’s like being outside, but inside!” Keyleth chittered.

“Thank you! By the way, you are really beautiful! Your hair is so pretty and I got to say freckles are one of my favorite features!” Lily smiled giving Keyleth a wink. “Now I need to grab some drinks for your friends, but I will be right back okay love?” Lily finished before disappearing again to finish her task.

“I’m gonna go hide now,” Keyleth squeaked getting up.

“It was just a compliment, Kiki. No need to get all embarrassed.” Vax ensured her.

“Let a super pretty girl compliment you and see how well you take it!” She said running away, presumably to hide from the owner of the business.

“Yeah, whatever,” he mumbled as he sank back into his mug. Vax was not a tea drinker most of the time, it reminded him too much of syghorn, of his father. But this tea had no taste of the bigotry of that place, it tasted of love and freedom. He looked up as Lily appeared once more, carrying a large tray covered with full mugs, and headed towards the group. He watched as she placed the cups in front of his friends, smiling and greeting them in a cheery manner. He couldn’t hear everything that was said, but he did catch them joking to her that she didn’t seem old enough to own anything. She chuckled and said something that made them all look quite surprised, presumably her age.

Lily seemed to be as much part of the tavern as the wall of moss, she swayed to the music as she talked and her clothes were that of fresh greens and smiley pinks. She had put herself into her business, the place seemed be an extension of herself. Vax thought about this, about this woman with the comforting air, as she pranced back over to her bar.

“What happened to your friend?” Lily greeted as she made her way back, “I wanted to talk to her. Not all the time I we see such a lovely lady here.”

“I think you freaked her out. She’s not one for compliments.” Vax smiled softly to himself, running his finger around the rim of his now empty mug.

“Is that right? I wonder how she makes it through the day!” Lily thought out loud, “But I guess you’ll do, my edgy little friend.”

“Well I’m not too bad I think, though I know Keyleth is a bit prettier,” he replied looking up at Lily. She was leaned down on the counter now, giving him her full attention. It took him aback for a moment.

“As I was joking! Trust me, I like the pretty boys like you. You’re just my type,” she grinned giving him a wink.

“Now don’t get my hopes up!” Vax coughed, leaning back on his stool away from her. He was nervous having her so close so suddenly. Keyleth was right about being complimented.

“Wow! Can no one in your group handle some light flirting?” Lily chuckled, folding her arms taking in Vax’s embarrassed look.

“If you’re looking for that, literally anyone else in the group would have worked. You chose the awkward ones to chat up,” Vax settled, shaking off his shock.

“You guys came up to me! I guess I just attract the weird ones,” she jested.

“Hey! Where did all that affection go?” Vax smirked, running his hand through the roots of his long dark hair.

“Oh? Can you handle it now, love?” Lily purred. Vax turned red and looked down at his cup. “That’s what I thought! How’s that tea for you?”

“Lovely. I’ve never had anything like it, do you make it?” Vax answered, blinking hard.

“I sure do! It’s all pretty typical, but the lemon juice makes it special I think,” she rattled on.

They chatted like that, her embarrassing him while he made jokes, for hours until the moon had risen high in the sky. His party decided to stay here the night, before returning to their journey to the next major town the next morning. But truly Vax hardly noticed these choices being made. All he noticed was the way Lily’s real laugh was full and loud, and that her eyelashes were thick and lovely. For years he’d felt the tension from his life building in his joints, along his spine, making him sit up a little too straight. But this evening he felt himself slump, he sat comfortably and felt the easy he hadn’t felt since childhood wash over him.

When he woke up the next morning to hear of his party’s plans to leave that moment, he couldn’t help but feel a part of himself clinging to this place. But still, they went. The last he saw of her before they exited, was her behind the bar give him a bittersweet smile with a nod.

“Bye,” she mouthed. He took that moment, and tucked in into his pocket to think about later. To think about it now was a little too much.

Don’t be too sad, brother!” Vex sang as she slung a arm around his shoulder as they started to walk towards the nearest large tree, “We can always come back when we have some free time. Never took you for a tea drinker though.”

“I didn’t either, but I think I’ve come around to it,” Vax replied giving his sister a small smile as they were transported via plants onward to their query.

Lily found herself thinking after that man made of shadows and sadness. She daydreamed of running her hands through his hair as he told her about his adventures and his friends. At night she wondered if he was a cuddler or if he rather not be touched. She found herself thinking about so many ridiculous things, thoughts she’d never had before, wishes she couldn’t fathom, all in regards to Vax. She was confused and lovestruck and crestfallen because she’d probably never see him again. Lily felt stupid for the first time in her life. Weeks passed just like this.

#dnd #dnd character #vox machina #vax'ildan #oc x canon #self ship #self insert #tlovm #critical role #fanfic

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slytherinsweety · 10 months ago

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Disclaimer: Image is AI generated and I do not take credit for it.

Here is the second chapter, can also be read down below.

Chapter 2: And All of the Noise I Hear Inside

Entering through the double doors of the tavern, Sebastian guided her to the bar to be greeted by Sirona.

“Well look who just walked through my doors…It’s been a long while since I’d seen the two of you here together.” Sirona said with a sly smile.

Ella dipped her head to hide her grin. She and Sebastian had become regulars on the weekends when they weren’t studying for the OWL’s. Often spending time near the fireplace at the end of the tavern with a butter beer in hand.

“Your spot’s available just over there and I will be right over with some drinks and the special of the day.” Sirona pointed to the table off to the corner near the fireplace.

Sebastian had still not let go of her hand and continued to traverse to the back with Ella in tow. He gently released her hand and deposited her in her usual chair in the corner that was tucked against the wall and sat next to her keeping the main doors in his line of sight. As they waited for their drinks and food, Sebastian inquired how the shop was doing and about the customers she gets.

“It’s still a relatively new shop, so I still don’t get that many customers throughout the day. Oh, but just yesterday I had this mother and daughter come in looking for a gift for her husband. She said her husband worked at Gringotts as a curse breaker and she wanted to know if I had any special clothing items that could help with protection. So, I sold her this pair of gloves that could offer added protection against dark wizards. Her daughter, on the other hand, would not stop playing with the feathers in the window. I was afraid she was going to end up breaking them. You know if any of the feathers start to-”

Ella continued her story as she glanced over at Sebastian who was staring at her with a fond smile. He was listening diligently to her story as Sirona came to the table to deposit the butterbeers in front of them. She hadn’t even noticed the drink in front of her as she was animatedly going over her interaction with the mother and daughter.

Sebastian could see the reflection of the fire in her eyes as she discussed the various customers that stopped by over the last two weeks since the year ended and occasionally took a sip from his butter beer.

He hadn’t seen her get so invested in telling a story since she brought up several of her adventures that she had over the year when they spent time in her vivariums. Though, he had a sneaking suspicion that she hadn’t told him about every adventure she had. It had become a goal of his to learn about most of them, if not all of them. While he could never regret spending the time that he did looking for a cure for Anne, he did wish sometimes that he would have tagged along with Ella whenever she left the castle, if just to have a respite from the hopelessness he sometimes felt when trying to find the solution to the curse.

After the catacomb and nearly getting sent to Azkaban, he realized he had to be smarter. He also realized that he had to stop relying on Ominis to get him out of every mess he’d get himself and Ella into. It wasn’t like he ignored the fact that she was with him for nearly every lead he had. But he realized at some point, if they were to get caught, it wouldn’t just be him that would have to face the consequences. It would be her as well. He should have realized that when Solomon threatened to go to the Headmaster on both of them if he had inkling they were using dark magic.

Sebastian didn’t really know what he was thinking last year. He got so caught up in the idea of finding a cure for Anne, that he just assumed Ella would be willing to go to the same lengths as he would for it. And each time she was right there with him.

Never mind the fact that she was dealing with her own crisis and had actual enemies gunning for her to do who knows what to her. And even so, she still found time to help him and each time he took advantage of the fact she would come as soon as she received an owl from him.

He took her for granted.

It wasn’t until he felt the dungeons shaking and she was nowhere to be found that he realized just how easily he could lose her. He knew for a fact that those Keepers weren’t telling her everything. Making her go through trials, only to give her a slither of the information she needed to put the pieces together on her own rather than to just simply tell her. Her life was literally on the line, and they couldn’t find it in themselves to tell her what she may need to know until it was already too late, and their precious Repository was in jeopardy.

After hearing it was goblins that had attacked the school and finally getting word of her whereabouts, he ran as fast as he could to the infirmary. Sebastian was afraid of what he would find when he got there.

He was terrified he would find her clutching her stomach and learning she was cursed just like his sister was. It played on a loop in his mind until he could finally get to her. Part of him thought it would have been his luck.

To lose her as he lost everyone else.

He was elated to find that wasn’t the case. When he found her, she was just sleeping after consuming a calming draught. She only had a few bumps and bruises to show for the fight.

However, once he heard that Fig didn’t make it. A cold sweat came over him realizing just how close he had come to losing her. Watching over her, he had vowed to himself he would never let anything else happen to her and he would stand in the way of anything were it to come for her. After losing his sister and Ominis’ trust, he couldn’t lose the one person who had believed in him wholly and completely.

Ella was the one he had shown the darkest parts of himself to, and she had not run away screaming afterwards. He hadn’t lied to her that day when he showed her the Undercroft and told her he hadn’t shown Ominis and Anne every spell he’d learned of. Yet, he felt that he could show her and that he could trust her.

It was why he felt that he could show her the unforgivable spells. Though…he sometimes couldn’t tell if she was open to learning about it because she shared the same curiosity that he had for dark arts or if she just didn’t realize how dark the spells were and just wanted to learn as much as she could about magic.

He thought the latter was the reason why she was so open to learning those spells and he would sometimes feel guilty that he was probably taking advantage of the fact that she was new to magic. But Sebastian also knew a part of him just wanted her to know those spells for when she would be faced with going up against those who sought to hurt her. He knew they wouldn’t fight fair.

So, he thought, why should she?

Admittedly, that was a small part of him that believed he did it for her protection.

A large part of him that he wouldn’t admit to out loud, liked to think she was lured to the darkness just as much as he was. This was something he would never tell her and after what they both went through. He was content with having her never touch the dark arts again.

If it came down to using it to protect her and the ones he cared about though? He would use it again and he had no problem with being the villain if it saved them.

Sebastian shook the thoughts away as he took another sip of his drink and a bite of the shepherd’s pie that Sirona placed in front of them as Ella continued sharing her story. He focused his attention on the witch beside him who was mentioning a particular humorous story about a customer complaining of cursed socks causing them to uncontrollably dance.

“-and he said he would never go back Mr. Hill and that it was utterly embarrassing that he couldn’t stop dancing in the common room.”

“Okay, now I’m a little worried Mr. Hill might come for you for poaching his customers.”

“It’s not my fault my shop has the best of both worlds and Mr. Hill would stop losing customers if he stopped selling them clothes that only halfway do what they are supposed to. At least my items are crafted with the appropriate protections! What protection with having dancing socks do against a dark wizard?”

He laughed fully knowing she wasn’t at all wrong about the way Mr. Hill went about making a quick galleon.

“It’s not like he’d be much of an opponent if he were to say anything negative about it. I also believe he happens to be amused at having the competition.”

Sebastian smiled, realizing she was probably right. While almost unbearably proud, Mr. Hill probably still doesn’t see her shop as much of a competitor against his.

“Too right love. Either way, let me know if he does have anything to say about it.” She loved his protective nature, he showed that often enough to her that she was becoming rather use it. It still, however, caused her to feel the fluttering in her stomach again which was only amplified when he’d call her ‘love’.

“Oh? And just what will you do about it?” She leaned closer to him with narrowed eyes and her lips tilted upwards. It made him pause. The green of her eyes sparkling from the fire light behind him almost made them appear to glow. He always though her eyes were pretty, especially paired with her pale blond hair.

“Well, I’d…I’d have something to say about it, I’m sure. I will not allow anyone to say anything to disparage your shop.” Or you, he thought.

He stumbled on his words, not having a clue where he was taking this or having expected her to call him out on it.

Sebastian took another sip of his drink which was almost gone. He looked back over to her to find her tilting her head at him, probably trying to decipher what was going on in his mind. The same way that he was always doing with her. Ella placed her hand on his.

“Seb, are you okay? You look worlds away.”

The look of concern on her face couldn’t prevent his face from flushing at her shortened use of his name. Even though she’s called him that numerous times, he still quite liked hearing it come from her lips.

“I was quite surprised this morning when I didn’t have a owl at my shop door with a letter from you.”

He waved her off. “Like I said earlier, I decided rather short notice to visit you instead of a letter correspondence.”

“Sebastian, I know that’s not all there is to it. We were planning to meet up this weekend.”

Sebastian sighed. He knew she wouldn’t let it go. It was, at times irritating that she could tell when he was trying to deflect. He thought flustering her and inviting her for dinner would dissuade her from looking closer.

“Yesterday I finished going through the house and cleaning it. I was…startled at how it made it look like no time had passed…I was just waiting for Anne to pop up to force me to braid her hair as mum and dad were researching in the cellar…”

He paused.

“…Only no one was there. Not my parents and not my sister…I couldn’t stand being there alone a moment longer.”

Ella swallowed and took a deep breath that Sebastian had matched. She watched as his head was bent staring down to his plate. Neither felt like they had much of an appetite anymore.

Sebastian cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring the mood down...either way, I knew what would make me feel better and I just knew I had to see you. You always have an interesting story to tell.”

She smiled sadly and took that as her cue to change the subject.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I spent disguised as Professor Black?”

Sebastian choked on his butterbeer that Sirona refilled for them.

“What?! When was this and why I have not heard of it?”

Ella laughed as she continued to tell him what she and Fig had done to complete the third trial. The trial itself had been daunting and one she didn’t like to ponder too often on.

Sebastian was floored to hear the shenanigans she had gotten up to.

“I swear, Garreth was so close to relieving himself, thinking he was being that closely watched by the headmaster.” Laughing so hard, she was clutching her stomach remembering it.

“Serves him right! He constantly took advantage of you. I would have paid to have seen him piss himself.”

“Sebastian! He’s not that bad.” She admonished.

He scoffed. “He tried to get you to steal for him right after he introduced himself to you. And did he ever let you try the so-called ‘Fizzing Whizz-beer’? No. Weasley was just trying to get you to do his bidding because you were new, and he thought you could get away with it. It also didn’t hurt that you’re gorgeous as well.”

She rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything to disprove his statements of Garreth’s actions. All while feeling her face get warm at his compliment. Ella chose not to say anything.

“I still would have loved to have been there. Why didn’t you tell me? You had time to mess with Ominis.”

“Oh please, I knew from the very start I had to avoid you. I saw you when I was making my way out of the DADA tower. If I had gone up to you, the whole thing would have fallen apart. You would have seen through it immediately and I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face around you.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows tilted upwards at her last statement.

“Oh really? And why is that?”

“Well, we…tell each other everything and…and it really does not matter anyhow. I only had an hour with the Polyjuice potion, and I had a job to do.”

And with that she took a bite of her food, hoping that would be the end of it. As she swallowed, she felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Remembering that she wasn’t being quite truthful at saying they tell each other everything. There was a rather large piece of information she was withholding from him. Several large pieces of information, if she was being truthful with herself. But there was one shred of information that only had to do with him.

She placed her fork down and took a deep breath to look over at him. Sebastian was finishing his meal and he seemed happy to be there with her. It had been a while since she uncovered the secret, and it was getting harder and harder to keep it to herself. Ultimately, he deserved to know.

“Sebastian. When you’re finished, would you mind walking me back to the shop? There’s something that I need to tell you.”

He glanced at her with a nervous smile.

“Of course, darling. I was planning to anyways for my charge and you know you can tell me anything.”

She smiled softly.

On the way back from the Broomsticks, Sebastian had grabbed her hand and wrapped it around his arm just like he had before. It was officially nighttime, and all the lanterns were lit casting a warm glow to reflect on the cobblestone path.

They had been silent the entire walk back, both were feeling anxious but for very different reasons. Ella was beyond nervous at telling him the information she had gathered about Solomon and Anne’s curse. Whereas Sebastian was thinking perhaps whatever she had to tell him may lead to a shift in their relationship dynamic. His nervousness was attributed to the excitement he felt at the prospect.

Over the last year he would find any reason to send an owl to her once she agreed to help him search for a cure for Anne and even before that he was intrigued by her. From hearing of her daring encounter with a dragon to seeing her walk into the Great Hall after the headmaster to be sorted into his house. There was something about her that made him pause. Of course, he dismissed it as he had other more pressing tasks at hand. Which was why he was so caught off guard when she came up to him in the common room the first day.

He was ready to dismiss whoever came up to him, only then to look up to the very person everyone was talking about. The fire casting a warm glow making her appear ethereal. He shook his head and continued to introduce himself to her. When he saw she was interested in the spells that weren’t taught at Hogwarts, he knew there was something more to her. Sebastian found himself correct in this notion when she beat him in their duel that very day and with a borrowed wand no less.

His interest in her was solidified when she came to him needing assistance in sneaking into the restricted section. Not only was she a kindred spirit, but also a woman after his own heart whether she realized it or not.

However, while he was interested in furthering their acquaintance, he couldn’t allow himself to deviate from his goal of curing his sister. So…he had to put those feelings in a box for the time being.

Focus on Anne.

And he did, which only led him down a path he only had himself to blame for taking. What was worse was that he grabbed Ella by the hand to join him on that path and the further he went down it with her, the harder it was for him to get them to step off it. He was so sure it was going to lead to a cure.

And Ella was the only one who believed in him.

Everyone else knew better.

He’s already admitted to himself it got out of hand. Though he can’t say he entirely regrets what happened with Solomon. Solomon wouldn’t be dead if some part of him didn’t want him gone. The killing curse wouldn’t have worked otherwise.

The ironic part of it all, now that Solomon was dead, he’s finally stopped looking into a cure in the Dark Arts. For the moment, that is. He hasn’t given up his search for a cure, not by a long shot. He may revisit the idea of Anne’s cure in the Dark Arts in the future if he doesn’t find it elsewhere first.

For now, he’s focusing on the witch who stole his attention at the start of last year. And just maybe he will allow himself to open that box he stuffed his feelings in a little more now after everything has settled. Sebastian couldn’t quite stuff those feelings in the box completely anyhow as much as he tried.

Once inside, he watched Ella dismiss Penny and tell her she was closing the shop for the day. And with a pop, Penny made herself scarce. Ella looked back at him with a nervous smile, which Sebastian couldn’t help but reciprocate.

“So, what was it that you wanted to tell me now that we are truly alone?” He tapped his knuckles on the counter after Ella walked behind it.

Ella didn’t know how he would respond to what she wanted to tell him. From her previous interactions with him any time she had to tell him something he disagreed with, he didn’t always handle it well.

Case in point, Lodgok. Sebastian did not deal with it positively when she told him she was working with a goblin. She knew he may be bothered by the fact, but she didn’t expect he would let it get in the way of finding answers or for him call her ignorant. Ella was far from ignorant, but she realized she may have been naive to just how large of a grudge Sebastian could hold. She understood his reasoning, she did. But she couldn’t find it in herself to generalize an entire species.

She took a deep breath and looked down at the counter. Ella knew how deep the hurt lie for Sebastian when it came to Solomon and Anne.

“I should have told you this sooner, I know that. At first it was just an inkling, a hunch. Then…it started piling up. The further I remembered the interactions, the more it started to click into place…something wasn’t right. I had to be completely sure before I brought this to you though.”

His eyebrows furrowed. He was becoming increasingly worried as she continued to ramble. So far this was not going where he thought it was going to go. He walked around the counter and took her arms in his hands to have her face him.

“Ella, you’re spiraling. Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay. You can tell me.”

With one hand, he lifted her chin so he could take a closer look at her expression while his other was rubbing circles on her arm. Sebastian watched as she tried to collect herself.

“It has to do with Solomon.” she said quietly.

Sebastian straightened.

“You can tell me.”

“Solomon was…he was…” she took a breath. “He was keeping Anne sick, sicker, then she actually was…”

He blinked several times and even felt his heart start stop for a moment. Confused by what she was saying, Sebastian let go of her.

“W-what are you talking about?”

“I didn’t realize it at first, and I think he was counting on the fact that I was young and new to magic. When you first brought me to Feldcroft to meet Anne. After you left the cottage, I spoke with her. She was apologizing for the outburst that happened and had made a throw away comment at how Solomon usually provides her with a potion to help ease the pain that he crafts himself.”

“There wasn’t a potion she was taking for the pain.”

Ella bent down to grab a box that was under the counter and began grabbing a piece of paper.

“I didn’t think much of it at the time and thought you knew. One day I visited Anne and Solomon was at the table brewing a potion. Anne was tired and she retired to take a nap. Before she did so, she said he was brewing her potion. As I was leaving, I saw the potion blow back up in his face.”

Sebastian shook his head as tried to make sense of it. He realized what she was trying to say without saying it and he said it aloud.

“Healing potions, even ones for pain, never have an explosive reaction. The ingredients themselves aren’t volatile enough to cause that reaction.”

Ella nodded her head.

“It wasn’t until one day in potions class after the catacomb, when Sharp was going over the various healing potions that I found out that little tidbit. I even asked Garreth if he knew of any potions that could blow back in one’s face that could be used for easing pain, and he didn’t know of any…But he did know of quite a few…poisons that could.”

“That doesn’t make any sense Ella.”

“I know it didn’t and I needed proof. So I went back to the cottage and looked through the brewing table to see if I could find the ingredients list. Solomon didn’t leave it out in the open, but I… eventually found it.”

She grabbed the piece of paper that was in the box and handed it to Sebastian. His eyes widened as he surveyed the piece of paper in his hands.

It was his uncle’s handwriting.

“I knew I couldn’t go to Sharp with it since he would be suspicious of me having that, so I went directly to Pippin…who confirmed it…it wasn’t a potion for healing purposes.”

“That doesn't mean this was the potion he was giving to Anne.”

He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Ella tried to humor him.

“That could be the case…but then why did he have it to begin with? Pippin said the person who ingests the potion would be subjected to excruciating stomach pain and become physically drained…that sounds familiar doesn’t it?”

Sebastian started pacing. Nothing made sense.

“You, yourself said that at the beginning of her curse, she wasn’t doing that bad and didn’t even have to leave Hogwarts.”

That was true. Anne was fatigued in the beginning, which she continued to be but there was no pain like that at first. It wasn’t until after Yuletide that she had to leave. They had just come back to school when the pain started.

After they visited Feldcroft.

“This was just a theory still though. But then I started to think over all my interactions with Solomon and remembered the first time meeting him. You were barely through the door before he started on you. The shrivelfig…it can’t cure a curse.”

He paused, it felt like ice coursing through his veins. Sebastain knew that.

It was never to cure Anne’s curse. It was only to help with the pain. He had spent weeks growing it and immediately after showing Anne his hard work, Solomon disintegrated it.

“There was no need for him to shout at you for giving it to her and destroying it in front of you.”

Sebastian continued that train of thought. He was replaying that moment back in his head and started pacing in front of her.

“Solomon was an Auror. He would have had the basic knowledge to what ingredients were used for healing and easing pain…He would have known I didn’t bring it to cure her curse…unless-”

“It was a distraction.”

Ella paused, letting that sink in.

“He blamed you for Anne’s outburst of pain. You left immediately afterwards. Anne even confirmed that the outbursts happen at random. It wasn’t anything you did that caused it.”

He froze at the realization.

“But Solomon was quick place the blame on me.”

“And anytime you visited…he would disagree with you, start a fight. I thought it was odd at first. But Anne and Ominis both told me this was how your relationship with him was always like…but it was worse after she was cursed, wasn’t it?”

Sebastian nodded absently. He couldn’t seem to get his eyes to focus.

“My working theory was that he didn’t want you looking too closely in case you started to realize something wasn’t right.”

Sebastian felt nauseous. It couldn’t be right. It couldn’t possibly be right…But then why did it fit?

Solomon loved Anne. He didn’t like Sebastian. That was a universal truth he knew. But Solomon did try to take care of them in his own way. At least that was what he always tried to tell himself.

“Why would he have done this? What would have been his motive?”

“I don’t know…”

“How could you not tell me this sooner?”

He shook his head and looked at her in disbelief. Without waiting for her reply, he left her standing in her shop. She watched as he stormed out. Through the large store window, she saw him use the floo.

Ella didn’t stop him.

This was the part she was dreading. She knew it was coming however it didn’t stop her from tearing up. But she couldn’t keep it from him any longer. It felt like she was withholding information that he should know. She knew there might be a possibility that it wouldn’t help Sebastian any, but she also knew there was a chance that it could help with his search for his sister’s cure.

Even if it was the smallest chance, she thought it was her right to tell him. So, she swallowed her nerves and told him something that he deserved to know…even if it hurt to hear…even if he blamed her for not telling him.

She just hoped she made the right decision and didn’t wait too long to tell him. Ella also hoped she didn’t lose Sebastian from keeping this from him for so long.

As always please let me know what you think.

#hogwarts legacy fanfiction #Hogwarts Legacy #sebastian x mc #sebastian sallow #anne sallow #ominis gaunt #sebastian sallow x reader #sebastian x player character

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waltwhitmansbeard · 2 years ago

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go on, claim my heart: chapter seven

see my masterpost for what came before this. inspired by @romeoandjulietyouwish's medieval au.

Scanlan Shorthalt is a man of adventure. Of course, to him, adventure can be found while singing bawdy tunes for pennies in taverns and whorehouses across the continent or surreptitiously swiping coin purses from the pockets of rich men whose wives he'd later bed, but adventure, like beauty or musical talent, is a matter of taste. In his personal tastes, adventure has little to do with the danger or heroism he so often waxes lyrical about in his performances, although he's never been allergic to creative liberties. No, Scanlan goes on his fantastical, uproarious, lascivious, ridiculous escapades for one reason only: the stories.

This story, the one in which he currently finds himself at the juicy part of the rising action, did not begin the way Scanlan would have predicted. Just yesterday morning, he had awoken in one of his favorite places, Pike Trickfoot's bed, only to see the radiant gnome to whom he finds himself entirely besotted throwing clothes on, which is one of his least favorite sights. She filled him in on the terrible thing that had occurred in the night, and on her upcoming sojourn to the city-state of Whitestone to retrieve the stolen child. As incredibly sexy as Pike's easy bravery was, he felt this foreign, uncomfortable tug in his chest, which, after dismissing the initial fear of his years of drinking to excess catching up to him, he identified as worry. The thought that she might not come back, that her final words might fall on someone else's ears, that his arcane talents might not be there to keep her around—Scanlan has rarely been so moved to act.

Which is how he has ended up here, on the back of a horse, clinging more tightly to Pike's waist that is strictly necessary, listening to a story he knows will make a truly captivating tragic poem some day.

"I was a boy when the Briarwoods came to Whitestone," Lord Percival says. Scanlan tries not to let his grudge toward the Master of Development for not allowing him to incorporate his incredible weapon into some of his court acts distract him from the narration. "It was but a month before my ninth birthday. Julius had promised to take me hunting for the first time to mark the occasion."

The troupe is traveling at a fast trot, trying to make quick time while not tiring out the horses, so the sound of hooves is not too great to eclipse the pain in his voice. Captain Vex'ahlia reaches over to squeeze his arm briefly—oh, the worst kept secret in Zephrah playing out before his very eyes.

"They were kind, at first. From what I recall, they were requesting access to some area beneath our castle. I couldn't tell you why. My father denied them, and that night...that night they went on a rampage."

Princess Keyleth does not seem surprised by Lord Percival's words, though she does brush tears away. The others, however, look just as horrified as Scanlan feels. He has a sickening feeling he knows where this story is going.

"My sister Cassandra was three at the time. The youngest of us. She awoke at the sound of the commotion and ran to my room." He falls silent for a few moments. "We found our sisters' bodies as we ran for help. I managed to pull Cass around a corner just before she could see Lord Briarwood sink his teeth into Oliver's neck. I don't remember how we escaped the castle, but I do remember saying to her, 'We made it, Cass,' just before a strange bolt of sickly green light flashed out of nowhere." Lord Percival's jaw is clenched so tightly, Scanlan worries he'll crack a tooth. "My baby sister died in my arms. I could not mourn her. I had to run."

Even with the noise of their travel, there is an uneasy silence among the group. Scanlan is a master at finding the levity in all manner of dark moments, but this...this is beyond even him. He is simultaneously regretful of and thankful for his impulsive decision to join Pike on this journey to the scene of such a slaughter.

"Percy..." Vax (Vax'ildan? The Champion? Is he some kind of prince now? Scanlan has yet to figure out what's going on there) seems to be chewing over his words before he says them. "That is...gruesome. I am sorry that such a calamity befell your family." There's a clear but hanging in the air that he does not want to say aloud.

Lord Percival does it for him. "But you want to know why they took Vilya, all these years later."

"Yes."

"I wish I knew. If I had known that those villains posed even the smallest threat to your daughter, believe me, I would have intervened. The fact of it is, I had let myself believe that the Briarwoods were part of my past, something that could no longer affect my life." He swallows thickly. "I apologize for the error."

"Percy." Princess Keyleth, who had been placed at the center of the group for her protection, urges her horse forward to ride alongside Lord Percival. "As...distraught as I am, I do hope you know that I do not lay the blame for any of this at your feet. Your suffering did not cause ours."

Lord Percival lays a hand on her shoulder. "I ran from Whitestone a scared child, but I return a man intent on avenging my family and felling these devils once and for all. I will not know peace until they are dead and your child is safe in your arms."

"Great," Grog deadpans. "How do we kill 'em?"

All eyes turn to Vax, who looks back, surprised. "Why would you all assume I knew?"

"You're the assassin," Scanlan points out. "This is...what you do, is it not?"

"I do not have any experience in assassinating vampires."

"There's also your connection to the Raven Queen," Pike adds. "I mean, if the Briarwoods are steeped in the necromantic arts, surely she would be interested in bringing them to their knees."

At that, wide-eyed realization flashes on Vax's face. He pulls his horse to a dead stop, and Grog, who had been trotting behind him, nearly collides his own horse into him. Everyone else must pull around to not get too far ahead, and Princess Keyleth asks, "Vax? What is it?"

"She warned me."

"Who?" Captain Vex'ahlia asks.

"The Matron. Months ago, before Vilya was born."

Scanlan watches the princess's eyes flash dangerously. "What do you mean she warned you?"

"I thought you were both going to die," he explains, his tone edged with a pleading for understanding. "She came to me in a dream, told me...told me that death and undeath were coming for my family. I was so sure..." He drifts off for a moment, then continues. "But then you were alright, both of you, and we had a child, and I..." His voice falls to a whisper. "I thought the danger had passed."

Scanlan finds a sudden interest in a nearby tree branch, and he sees Pike and Grog doing the same, eager to be looking anywhere but at the princess, who, after a long, agonizing silence, snaps her horse's reins and tears off down the road. Vax groans out, "Kiki...," but before he can follow, Captain Vex'ahlia cuts in front of his mount with her own.

"Let me, brother." Without waiting for permission, she chases the distraught princess down, leaving the rest of the party to look awkwardly at each other.

Lord Percival trots over to Vax and pats his shoulder sympathetically. "Come. We should keep moving." At that, the remainder of the party resumes its previous clip. Scanlan, not having to focus on steering the horse, watches Vax closely, sees the abject misery in his every line. He realizes now that he's stepped into a much stickier quagmire than he had originally anticipated, and though he does still worry for both his life and Pike's, he is ultimately glad he's joined this little troupe; all of this will make an excellent story some day.

#a bit shorter than usual but i thought our bard deserved his moment #critical role #critical role fic #cr fic #vaxleth #vaxleth fic #vaxleth au #vox machina #vox machina fic #vox machina au #tlovm #tlovm fic #my fair lady #go on claim my heart #my fic

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convexicalcrow · 2 years ago

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All The Fkn Lore Drops From Mythical J. Sausage's Empires Stream on Feb 4, 2023

And I mean, ALL OF THEM.

(source: Sausage's Empires livestream 4/2/23)

(commentary is in parentheses)

No time stamps bc this took long enough as it is and my hands would not forgive me if I did anything more. There are some approximate time markers I chucked in as I went but nothing specific.

Also this is Very Long, there are like 3.5k words of notes I took while watching this. I mostly focused on the lore stuff, but there's also a bit of extraneous commentary as well and some suggestive quotes I had to include. But yeah. Mostly it is lore, which says a lot lol.

we (the audience) are the watchers (from Evo lore) watching Sausage

he can see us, bc he can see everything (like Dr Strange apparently idk shit about Marvel stuff tho frfr) and he can communicate with us

he's had these powers for millenia but he's now unlocked them bc he's woken from his watcher slumber. bc the rift gave him his memories back from every life he's ever lived.

he literally said Sir Carlos is dead, everyone's dead, but he's not going over old/dead lore.

(please remember him saying Sir Carlos is dead, bc he gives us some Sir Carlos lore later on that contradicts this)

promises to put signs up for everyone who becomes a member (he will live to regret this at the end of the stream lol)

(sausage after dark needs to happen plz sausage i need the fwimmy fanfics bc ofc he ships fwhimmy lmao)

lore trees! done with magic. based on the Tree of Whimsy. Mini Trees of Whimsy.

suggests stealing the Tree of Whimsy from Bdubs like a normal person lol

he will worship Sun God Bdubs and communicate with him one day

there's Something in the Cathedral that's lore-related that he can't show us (may be in the ep that's coming out today?)

if he goes back in time, he can see The General

gotta shake Sunny's hand when you greet him

Bubbles and Athena have been fighting for two days; she stole Bubble's food lol. Athena guards Sunny.

Eddie always wants to go visit Oli, but Oli's never around, and it's dangerous in the Olipelago.

Eddie's getting Thicccc, been working out a lot lately.

Eddie's going to the Olipelago for two weeks for a holiday. That's Canon lol.

rip Diedre the Dodo ;_; (literally NO ONE spelt her name properly bc Ren's accent is a hot mess. XD)

makes a point of telling Sgorby that he's gonna start making out with everyone on the hardcore server now

he technically knows about the Wither Rose Alliance now. But he's not supposed to tell ppl that he knows, bc it might fuck with things. Black Collar Bubbles told him not to tell ppl. Could rip spacetime.

normal things he does in Sanctuary: he's just walking around, doing some farming, checking the visitor centre, that kind of thing.

leatherworker shop for Maria??

Maria's single and looking for love in all the wrong places.

Just looking for a good time, not to get locked down with anyone. Bunnies are party people.

Carlos has been living in the tavern, hasn't had his trades locked in.

Came in on a boat a while back and been living in the tavern ever since.

Could it be Sir Carlos? Maybe, maybe not.

OG Sir Carlos is long gone in this world.

Hermes is home-schooled, so they don't really need a public school system.

Hermes is the only child in Sanctuary. All the other children are in other realms/elsewhere/not in Sanctuary.

Technically Sunny is a child, 2 wks old, but they're an AI system so. Smarter than everyone in this world.

Technically did you see Sir Carlos die? In lore and in canon? Did you ever see him die at the end of the season? The last thing we saw of him was that he had to leave suddenly. We didn't see him go. He had to leave, go off on an adventure, he couldn't say, had to go somewhere specific. Sir Carlos is cursed, turned into a chicken by some other being. Legendary knight who's been around for a very long time. Is he immortal? Not immortal, but very powerful. Has been known to shapeshift. Technically he could be somewhere in the background. Maybe he came from an adventure somewhere, just showed up. Not as a knight anymore. But maybe, just maybe, be might have found us again, he says, looking at Carlos the villager. Came on boats, both time. Funny that. Sir Carlos of Mythland usually comes on a boat at a dock. From time to time. Whenever he's needed. So yeah. Strange.

(3 hours isn't a long stream, Sausage, not when you watch Cub's speedrunning vods lmao)

Can Sir Carlos dimension jump? He's a special being- er, person. Gods love your boy, and superpowered beings too. They gravitate to him. It's nbd.

We will see more of Sir Carlos later. Sausage has Plans.

Keralis and Bdubs were the first tutorial/series he watched, and he got to kiss them both in lore and in canon

jimmy villain arc fanfic tiem!

jimmy is a toy backstory, then the villain arc.

(i'm only 43 mins in btw lolololol)

jimmy's villain arc, chapter one, by mythical j. sausage:

jimmy's a toy and everyone knows it except jimmy. then he has a realisation. why is my skin so hard? oh, i'm made of wood! D: looks back as a shot fires, and out comes a demon, was it xornoth? No! a western demon, dressed all in black. I cursed you boy, and now you can see. Everyone sees it, open your eyes, boy. I did it, you're gonna do nothing about it. You're right! I was blinded this whole time! Demon disappeared, laughing his whole time. Hit by lightning, the wood starts burning! He starts melting and turns into a pile of ash! The demon comes back. He waves his hands in the air and the ash spews up into the air, all jimmy ashes, and it creates Jimmy from the ground up, but now he's made of ash. Eyes are dead. Yeeehaaaa motherfucker! Cursing up a storm now, and goes around killing everyone. Can fly into the sky like an ash tornado. Demon tells him to murder all the empires. So he goes, and the tornado goes out the door of the saloon. Shoots a gun, has two six shooters now. Goes all the way to Stratos, to kill Joel. His first victim. Jimmy goes to Stratos, straight into the heart of the god's realm, to take out Joel, for all the time he called him a toy, even though he was right. Passes the statue of Saint Peril and donkey Jeremy. Jimmy's cussing all over the place, no longer PG. More lighting! Joel's clapping his cheeks! Just practicing lol. Sausage wasn't around, he was resting under a tree in Sanctuary. Look, it's the stupid little toy! Jimmy's cursing and shooting Joel in the face several times. Empties his guns. Joel's dead. Has just killed a god. Jimmy laughs. Bullets were made with some kind of evil juice that enabled him to kill a god. Then Hermes shoots into the sky! Looks down at evil Jimmy! He's mad! You killed my father! D: You're gonna die now, little man! Jimmy looks up at Hermes flapping his little wings on his feet. Always wanted to kill you! But Hermes doesn't let him finish and shoots him in the eye with lightning and Jimmy explodes into ash. The demon appears and is like, you can't do that! but Hermes kills him too. He's crying now, going down to daddy Joel. Not today, Daddy, and kissed him on the forehead, and Joel came back to life. What happened? The toy's dead, no need to worry about him anymore. Oh, cool! Starts clapping his cheeks again lol. The End. (this is paraphrased in places but that's the gist of it)

it's fanfic not canon, jimmy's a good man.

Empires!Sausage would write his own fanfiction about his friends. It's Canon.

yassify that demon! he says about the western demon he created lol.

(i will Not document the slander happening rn frfr)

(ya boi is procrastinating real hard on the tree clearing ngl)

next fanfic is what evil sausage was doing while he was away

is it gonna be headcanon or lore? who knows?

(one hour in and we have started cutting trees)

(we're tree-clearing for a Lore Build)

("the bush is more important than the sapling")

(he loves False's lore as well <3)

evil sausage can't be the good twin.

s2 Sausage is Extra Good now. s1 Sausage had Issues, did some bad stuff. Mix of good and bad. But this version of him has zero evilness. Nothing bad now. Goodest of the good boys. It's bc Gem in s1 took every bit of corruption and badness in him. There's nothing left. He jokes around, but there's no evil intent. The Other Sausage has all of Sausage's evilness.

you do need a little bit of both though. Being completely good can mess things up in the future. Too much of a good thing can be bad, he says, so keep that in mind. (<_<)

there's no canon on the hardcore server, just killing everyone at the end lol.

"Oh no my chests are gone!" he says as he enters his storage room, before they appear a moment later. "That's lore!" (right, ofc it is)

("This is my one and only junk drawer, don't tell Pearlescent Moon")

Blood sheep are long since gone, and can't come back. They're gone. Been thousands of years since they were last seen. Might be elsewhere but he won't be investigating.

are blood sheep extinct? technically he hasn't seen them in a very long time, but he's also very far away from where mythland would have been so maybe they're around there? but no one's seen them for generations. they're not around here.

all blood sheep are red sheep but not all red sheep are blood sheep - he's talked with all the red sheep he's found around Sanctuary and they're just regular sheep.

The Mythland Song! D: It's apparently now the dimension warping song. He has to warp dimensions every time it comes up now. >_>

(he has sound effects and everything >_>)

(I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING SAUSAGE)

(1h 20min in for those keeping check of the time)

Bubbles told him not to do this, but he's here now so.

"I got warped back, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine…"

We're just in another realm.

Can't get into the summoning circle tho. >_>

There are blood sheep around.

About an hour before the End Times.

Xornoth could be around, bc he was around at this time, but doesn't know where he is.

Going to look for Bubbles now.

Just minding his own business when he met Xornoth for the first time.

Thinking of warping the blacksmith into Sanctuary bc he needs an autosmelter. It's where he first met Xornoth as well. >_>

Going to see The General. :D

(Bubbles is the ultimate being but forget he said that >_>)

Blood Sheep Lore! After they rained down on Mythland! What caused them to rain down? 1) he sent Evil Sausage into that pocket dimension, an exact copy of this world. It was other blood sheep from that world too, and Evil Sausage destroyed Mythland in that world, including the blood sheep, for absolutely no purpose. They're happy to be sacrificed for a greater purpose. But if there's no greater purpose to their sacrifice, they get angry. That's why they got upset with Sausage. 2) the salmon/cod explosion ALSO caused it, and that triggered the big explosion of blood sheep to rain down on them. They became cannibalistic. Ate everything and everyone out in these realms. General was eaten alive. Villagers dead. Every animal, person, being got eaten by blood sheep as revenge for what Sausage did. Went on for many, many years. He can never save the people in Mythland. He couldn't change it. Ate everything in sight until the only thing left was blood sheep.

He's gone downstairs after seeing House Horse. There are blood sheep down here too. and he looks at the cells and he's like, …wait. am I in the wrong… Mythland? D: is this where-…? wait. no is this where evil me… did he rebuild-? D: i have to leave now. leaves immediately bc that [the bars of the left hand cell I am assuming] were open last time.

we're fine, we're back.

In denial about it being That Mythland. It was probably regular Mythland right? And he wasn't there that long. It's fine. He's fine. It wasn't where Evil Me was. Just coincidence that thing was sealed up.

evil sausage def isn't hanging around looking for a way to get back, trying to cling onto me and find his way back here (or words to that effect, ya boi mumbled that a bit ngl)

(tangent about the mcytblr sexyman polls bc ofc)

(scar is a very sexy man, and sausage is 100% right and he should say it)

(ftr i still kinda don't really get the tumblr sexyman concept even though i have tried to understand it but you do you tumblr <3 i am just enjoying the chaos and the fun and the polls lol)

someone tells sausage that shelby's got a lil skulk thing going on and he's rightfully a lil concerned about that

promising something special with lore in the next ep, very good lore.

is the story over now the crossover's done? well, that was like the mid-season finale for that ep with the crossovers, bringing that arc to a close. Still a lot of stories left to tell. A lot of things and unanswered questions from lore which will be coming back before the end. Pages and pages of written stuff that he's been planning, and we're not even close to getting to that spot. Don't worry, there's a lot to come. Wanted the Pearl thing to feel very special. All the unanswered stuff will be answered before the end. No end date yet. There's story things to get to, and things that are gonna build on that, so there's no end date yet. Things gonna ramp up very soon and a lot of crazy things are gonna happen.

Sausage the matchmaker, pretty much everyone he matches up works out

before all things said and done, The Chart is gonna be a billboard. Gonna get with every new person lol, add all kinds of weird things to the chart. Out of spite, but also out of fun. (i think it was out of fun, it was hard to catch that word)

("wood daddy chopping wood and slandering people in the chat room")

("at least you put it in the back and not in the front")

evil sausage: what is he doing now? is the title of the next fanfic lol

(lowkey appreciating the lack of lore in this part of the stream bc my hands needed a break lol)

invisible axolotls? D: D: D:

the song playing rn is the one where he met Pearl from the crossover and it wasn't Santa Perla and he needed consoling. But he remembers her now.

Pearl's holding her godly powers back so she can be a normal person for once.

if e2!Sausage was an animal, he'd be a lion. like mufasa. he likes tragic characters (yeah I had noticed Sausage lol) big giant mane, furry chest, etc.

wood-chopping sausage with a lil fur on his chest.

(irl sausage would pick a lion as well.)

"look, that's magic! there's a lore with that" - sausage about a floating vine

there's a cat that's been hanging around ever since he settled in Sanctuary and that cat may be important to the story. (it's an ocelot)

ppl are reporting on jimmy stealing the dragon egg on the hardcore server, and he's like, i'm on Empires I can't go over there and kill him now!

("oh my mouth hole got moistened")

(I am not writing out your fanfics Sausage. Except for summarising them for this post)

the song from Afterlife where Vampire Scott killed Angel Sausage. He came back as the evil wither man. But in order to do that, he had to have the blood sucked from him.

who buried Angel Sausage? Was it Scott? bc he felt bad for killing him? Maybe Oli. Probably Oli. Or Scott. Let's say it was Oli bc it makes sense in lore. After he killed him, he came back to finish the job and suck him dry, and then Oli buried him in the grave. Then he came back as an evil wither man.

then Oli came back and sang him a song while Sausage shot himself into the sun

will it be real lore or fanfiction for evil sausage? we'll have to find out

technically, you know how this area [Sanctuary] is Latin-inspired? For all the ppl who watched Afterlife, what was the first angel Sausage build style? It was Spanish-inspired. A Spanish hacienda. How odd that he would have picked that build style to start out his life as angel Sausage. Hinting that that is the style he wanted to do after coming back from the Afterlife and Pearl sent him down. And what is the first style he did after coming back from the Afterlife? Spanish. Latin. Columbian. Lorelorelorelorelore.

from the beginning he wanted Afterlife to be connected to Empires s2 and his afterlife after s1.

"we've had a lot of lore drops today" looks at my 2.8k words of lore notes that isn't even finished yet yeah just a lil bit o.o

(and now Sausage's new ep has gone up, and I will Not watch it until I'm done with this stream)

(~30 mins to go)

("Oh it's 5am for you? I'm sorry. Have you tried not living in the weirdest time zone?" cries in GMT+8, the Worst time zone ;_; this was not about my time zone I don't think bc I don't have chat on when watching yt streams/vods bc it moves too fast but I felt that so hard)

evil sausage lore/fanfic tiem!

is this actual lore or am i telling you now a fanfiction about evil sausage in another realm? will i say if it's real or not? we'll see what happens.

this is called 'the story of evil sausage a.k.a sausage supreme a.k.a the bratwurst man a.ka. that boi thicc but he evil a.k.a who hurt you?'

back when he was sent back to another realm. he's pure evil. upset. angry over time. after swallowing xornoth and getting all the power that he possessed, he became stronger. still trapped in a pocket dimension. he went to every empire in search of clues to find a way out. days passed, months passed, years passed. his powers only grew as he found many old tomes in old libraries. he needed an outlet to use those powers. blood sheep were still around. but blood sheep weren't the only night creatures out at that time. other creatures too from other realms. every one he found he devoured to get stronger. back then, every single life was sucked away, never to be seen again.

(cue Oli gatecrashing)

the evil bratwurst man couldn't hold it in any longer.

(oli has muted a tab with the stream open and doesn't realise it for a hot minute)

"I'm doing fanfiction lore of my evil self!"

the evil version of me actually did escape one time. how did he do it? he did it by accident. he decided to sacrifice himself like sausage did through the summoning circle. why? bc he couldn't take it anymore. he was done being all alone in a pocket universe and wanted to end his life. so he did it in the summoning circle. where did he end up? in the council with the other bubbles. they didn't know what was happening, freaked out, what's he doing here in the spirit realm? every other bubbles wanted to banish him. but one wanted to give him another chance. so she sent him somewhere else. he left that pocket universe. was it the grey collared bubbles? maybe it was. well, if you're going to let him loose, you have to watch him. so that's why whenever you see him, you also see her. could this be lore? could this be real? or could this be fanfiction? whenever we travelled to see him, all of mythland wasn't destroyed. why would that specific mythland we saw in perfect condition? also wonders what's stopping him from sacrificing himself again and travelling here? idk what is stopping him. is it the bubbles? is he only trapped in that dimension? he's no longer in the pocket universe. the man is on his own. only that bubbles is there to stop him. if anything were to happen to that bubbles, who knows where he could go? she's the meanest bubbles. she's the bubbles that likes to hurt ppl. if something ever happened to that bubbles, or if sausage went there and they joined together, there's many ways he could escape, but he's in his own timeline in mythland. apparently one that there's no one there to stop him. probably why we saw Wither Rose Alliance heads in the dark tower bc maybe he murdered everyone. Is this real lore and canon? Or is this fanfiction? who knows? could be either one! :D

how could be still be alive after 1000 years?

what if he's not in the future, but it's still just the past for him?

never said his timeline matches his own.

can only travel to dimensions he knows.

time has passed but not that long.

if evil sausage joined with sausage would he become his ultimate self? who knows?

some nice juicy lore, or was it fanfiction? :D?

sausage refusing to clarify whether this is lore or not, which makes me feel like It's Definitely Lore bc he was Very Clear about clarifying the fanfic earlier.

(well done, 3.5k words of lore notes, ty sausage DX)

(sausage just wants to eat his bagel and ppl keep becoming members lmao)

And we're done.

collapses

goes to watch Sausage's new ep and then go to bed

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