#and the places i'll never ever see again
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Hey! Change of subject. I thought of an answer. To what? Your question.
Lokius + reflection for anon
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#coming out of making this set in a complete stupor of how absolutely insane their love is 😭💖#every single day i regret to inform myself 'love is a dagger' will never EVER leave my thoughts so it feels nice to give in and gif it lol#god they're both so sharp in mind AND personality which is why they've never completely fit in with anyone else around them before#and i'll never be over the way you see them struggling to figure out exactly what they're feeling because it's so completely new#but still falling into place beside each other effortlessly because of how lovely it is to finally be cared for 🥺#tysm again for such an amazing request and for giving me something to focus on that's genuinely been a highlight 💕#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs#flashing cw
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currently at That Point which occurs once every few months where one briefly begins pacing around the house teary eyed contemplating selling their own organs or becoming an online scammer or getting on anxiety meds so you can bear the risk taking required to be a hitman or so on and so forth.... why must everything so Expensive... Surely all would be healed in life if only I had one big plate of lasagna and a simple loan of $40,000 ... auoughhh....
#And then you just eventually shrug and go 'welp. nothing i can do i guess' and sad cartoon music plays as you shuffle back to your room#It's just hard with my specific physical and mental issues since it's like.. I couldn't really handle most jobs. I can't handle school. I'm#100% aromantic and asexual so I'll never get married so I can't get money that way. I have too much issues with social cues#+ too nervous temperament + too low energy to put effort into lying and having a fake relationship just for money. so on and so forth etc.#Really I should have just been born into a middle class family. Which I guess everyone says. but ESPECIALLY considering my#chronic conditions kind of hampering my ability to function 'normally' or be Independent in a regular way. I'm always going to be#in some way sort of beholden to the whims of people around me who I must depend on. so... well of course they might as well have been rich#lol like that would have been better for me of course.#AAANyway... Just thinking about another stupid fucking climate change summer... months keep going by so fast.. soon it will be so again#And it's like such SMALL things would make drastic improvements for me. Literally if I just had a place with central AC#then like 75% of my issues with summer would vanish instantly. literally. But instead it's like.. having a cheap hot apartment + only#half functional dinky window ac + my illnesses that make me heat sensitive + living in a part of the country that keeps getting hotter +#inability to leave the house much meaning I can't just go spend time in a cooler place etc. all factors which combine together to make#it just utterly miserable for MONTHS and mentally draining. And literally ALL I would need to fix that is just...#have a place with central AC that works.. (or move to a colder country/area but that also takes money. Or just not have illnesses#that make me heat sensitive. but that I can't control). etc. etc. I guess it's just the nature of the constant background frustration of#being part of The Masses under our current manifestation of unmitigated capitalism. Such minor details would make such huge#quality of life improvements and yet will remain ever out of reach. ONE little thing could change your whole life but you can't even have#that. so many 'If only' scenarios. etc. And of course obviously I am incredibly thankful just to have anywhere to live at all. food to eat#. any sort of stability whatsoever no matter how fragile it feels/is. But that still doesn't make it not frustrating occasionally to look#around and see how relatively little would have to change in order for you to be a decent percentage more comfortable and yet#how still far away even those ''small'' seeming goals are. etc. etc.#Seriously think I've been traumatized by the summer or something somehow lol like thinking about it being warm weather eventually#makes me nauseous with panic. It's just SOOO much labor. micromanaging windows and fans and blocking every ounce of light#and not being able to cook (cant even afford a single degree of temp increase due to the stove) for months and barely being able#to sleep for months and the claustrophobia of days on end crawling out of your skin because it doesnt even get cool enough at#night to offer relief so you're just always feeling trapped.. hgrhh...#It starts getting hot here sometimes in May but mostly June then lasts through October now.. thats like half the year almost.. ARghhH#anyway... If any extremely rich person reading this would like to buy me an air conditioned house in exchange for multiple years worth#of art (I will paint murals on all of your grand dining halls and make all the custom sculptures you could ever want etc) then.. hewwo :'3c
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It feels. So so so good to feel confident in my playing again.
I spent a good hour and a half yesterday working at my new bridge again (so a total of 2.5 hours of sanding) and I think I'm satisfied with it now. The sound is definitely a lot better in general, which is Wonderful!! And I put on one of my new practice mutes today, so I didn't feel quite so self conscious playing with my bow. Bc my playing both sounds better than before and wasn't as loud (due to the mute), so! Not as self conscious!!
The bow was an important thing for practicing today. Prior practices at home, I was just practicing the fingerings and plucking, but when I got to rehearsal I'd still get tripped up by the bowings. So I needed to practice the bowings for this audition video.
Playing here today... I mean I still wasn't perfect, but that's what the practice is for. But my finger agility feels like it's really coming back, nowhere Near as stiff as it was when I started out this semester, AND my bow control was actually pretty damn good!!! So even with the parts I was tripping up on, overall my sound quality was Good, and that's. Such a relief, honestly. I got so out of practice that it kinda felt *wrong* to play, bc the experience just didn't match what I'd known in the past. Too clumsy, too stiff. But after just a few weeks of consistent practice, im starting to feel like my old self again. Starting to feel like I Do have the right to call myself a violinist.
And it's a very, very good feeling.
#speculation nation#stopping playing for now bc it's starting to get a lil late. and even with the mute it's still kinda loud.#dont wanna be that asshole neighbor playing their violin at night lol#but i also got the sections to a point where im. reasonably content with them.#i can play them mostly without error. just slower than i need to play them for the video.#but im gonna practice again tomorrow to focus on speeding that up.#and then on tuesday... after rehearsal im gonna see if i can nab a practice room to film my audition video in#if theyre all full i can film the video at home. but the practice room would be easier :p#regardless. i feel like i can actually do this. i feel like i'll be able to nab a spot in one of the first few stands.#ahhhhhhh im so happy. it feels like something is slotting back into place for me.#i never stopped being a violinist but my body started forgetting. but all it took was a few weeks to wake it back up again...#GAH im gonna get emotional if i think about it too much. just a few weeks to start feeling like im getting my old skill back!!!!!#which is to say. i couldve done this all along. i just never had outside pressure to motivate me into practicing.#combined with my self consciousness at having other people hear me practice... and thus i fell out of practice.#but im not gonna let it get that bad ever again. even if i dont have an orchestra im in i will find pieces to play#play at least once a week or smth idk. i'll have to see.#i have a lot of hobbies and a lot of them end up on the back burner because of this#but violin is one of those core hobbies that are worth it to me to prioritize. and so i shall!!!!!!!
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After watching the entirety of the DLC, i'm so confused lmao.
Basically how I think it ended
#Chip Chatter#I'm not *entirely* sold on the idea that it wasn't Gregory that shut down the elevator-#but I'm also not entirely convinced that it *was* him#I think both interpretations are really fun to mess around with<3#figures- I'm a Six LN fan through and through I've defended characters for this before and I'll do it again god damn it#people just don't understand them like I do.........#Ruin spoilers#fnaf sb ruin spoilers#Fnaf ruin spoilers#fnaf spoilers#I kinda wish we'd gotten more PQ stuff since this takes place after the PQ ending- I've got SO many questions about how PQ3 ended#but hey#the story of the Pizzaplex isn't over just yet#so I guess we'll just have to wait n see where this goes<3#also god damn I gotta get better at drawing Cassie..... love her forever and ever I must draw her all the time#also no- I will never stop drawing Gregory with the stealth hoodie#I love the stealth hoodie and he deserves to wear it more#he's a stealthy little guy
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I didn't have a bad day by any means, not even a little bit, but now I'm overwhelmed and it's dark and I can feel the noose begin to tighten once again as I try desperately not to worry about things I can't control or something of the like because I can't just enjoy myself for a while and ride that high for a bit. I always have to find some way to make myself miserable
#it was unexpectedly really difficult to see people I haven't seen in a while and be civil and chatty to them#unexpected because it only started being difficult right now hours after the fact#I remember the last time I saw most of them like. a year and a half ago?#and how these people knew some of what was going on and just let me splash against the concrete#I hate them I think#I think I really really hate them#I'm tired#I'm so tired#it never ends#we all live in the same city as well so occasionally I'll just randomly see them again forever and ever and ever#I need one of these places I had a viewing with to get back to me and tell me I can have it and I need people to stop wanting money from me#it's disheartening because I really thought I was all better#but then I'm stressed because of external circumstances so I guess I can't really judge#ugh#whatever#muss ich denn sterben um zu leben
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on a scale of 1-10 how silly would it be to ask folks to pray that I find a piece of jewelery I lost. It's not particularly valuable monetarily but its very precious to me and Im afraid I lost it outside of the house. I cant find it anywhere it should be. It could be in the pocket of the either the pajama pants or outside pants I wore the last day I saw it (the 19th) or it could be buried under something in my old bedroom, or it could be at my friend's moms house or somewhere between here and there. Trying not to stress over it but its just become precious too me.
#Its just one of those shark bracelets from one of those scam ocean charity sites#But I have used it as a grounding tool to help me focus when I need to get my head on straight so its been through a lot with me#a replacement just wouldn't be the same either plus I don't want to give more money to scam charities than they already get#and writing this out is helping me calm down about it#as Im writing I realize that I tend to freak out a lot when I realize that something precious is missing and can't chill out until I find i#and thinking about it. I know exactly where that stems from#not something I ever considered before but a lot of things precious to me got burned when I was little#and at one point I repressed the memory and would search for things that got burned up for hours because I had no idea where they went#but yeah anyway Im gonna try to chill. It'll turn up Lord willing#Im just scared I lost it in my friends old house or somewhere between here and there and I'll never see it again#I do not like it when things like that disappear I do not like it at all#I just worry about all the possible places it could be lost forever in or where it could have gotten ruined#I also just have ADHD forgetfulness so I get paranoid I left it like in a walmart bathroom or something#I know I didn't but I have almost lost things that way before#Like even if it is just gone and lost forever I just want to know where it is#merkerler speaks#prayer request#bc I am spazzy about these things#need to be careful about it bc it mirror's some of my dad's OCD tendencies
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#several months ago i had a dream i was sitting with my mom and my sister came in and sat down next to me#and i was surprised but happy to see her but in the dream i couldn't figure out why i was surprised to see her#it wasn't until i woke up that I remembered she was gone and I'll never see her again#i want to go back to having dreams like that#sometime after i had a dream that she'd somehow come back to life and it was a frantic scramble to get her to my brothers place#so that he could see her before anyone else found out but i woke up before we got to his place#and just now i woke up from a dream where we were essentially having a graveside memorial thing#but she was standing next to me and I could see and hear her but no one else could#and she was moving around trying to talk to other family members- including her husband- but they just couldnt hear her#and i had no way of helping them hear her so i just felt useless#these are the most vivid dreams I've ever had and i always wake up crying#im giving myself a headache from crying and I haven't even gotten out of bed yet#kee speaks
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It might just be a lot of things. I really don't know. I don't like not having any energy after work but it staves off a lot of our thought processes but at the same time I don't love it. It's tolerable but I want to be doing something else. I wanna be in the dirt and I want to feel the earth under my feet and I want to know she's listening to me and telling me it's ok and I want to take care of her like she's taken care of me. I want to plant trees and cut back weeds and learn to identify our native plants and I just can't do any of that and make a living. It's not even a volunteer opportunity for me. I'm just some random citizen who didn't even go to school for any of it. And I'm so lonely. I'm the loneliest I've been. I love all my friends online I do. Truly and wholly but it doesn't help the fact that I have no one around me irl. And it hurts. And I'm scared. And I am so small all the time. And I just want it to change.
#elias.zip#i think. that dreamis affecting me a little more than I thought it did. it really exemplified that I feel like everyone sees me as not tryin#g to make connections in my adult life but im in a dead town with an aging population i didnt grow up in or around. i can't find public even#ts that would get me around people my age. I can't drive still to go places anyways and I struggle so fucking with the entire process anyway#s that even with the stars aligned I fuck myself over anyways. I'm too weird. too quiet. too loud. not assertive. weird. weird. weird. werid#. just some fucking crybaby.#everyone's moved on from being anxious but not me. I can't do it. i try and try and try and try and push myself out of my comfort zone but n#obody wants new friends. and my interests are too niche. and i dont fit in and nobody wants to be friends with the baby because all he does#is cry and god I've felt worse moving here than i ever did back at the old house and it feels like I'm never going to get to see what cou#ldve been I'm stuck like this!!#sometimes i really wish i could just leave. leave it all. vanlife or backpack or something and learn why i was made to live as a human. i ju#st want to go back home. I wanna see my packmates again. I'll do better this time. Please. I'm sorry
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Not to talk about MRA-lite spaces again but I'm going to need everyone to understand that in these spaces, the subtext of 'men don't get to talk about their problems' is ALWAYS 'and it is women's fault!'
#my time in the MRA-lite saltmines returns to me yet again whenever i see the transandrophobia side of tumblr#look- it's just the same stuff ok? Or maybe i'm just biased because it triggers me the fucking same no matter who is saying it#also please note i'm saying MRA-lite and not MRA- I understand that MRA usually has connotations of violence for people#MRA-lite is nothing like that it's just a load of talking about men's issues but without any of the context#the very important context that you need to place the issues into wider society and its effect on everyone and not just men#these spaces may not be violent but they are quite pointless and the conversations never ever go anywhere#and it's been the same like 5 conversations for the past 15 years and no doubt much longer but that's as far back as i go with it#every time someone discovers the 5 or so men's issue they act like they just converted to a religion or something#and bring it up in everything. I was like that too at like 21 i promise i get it! but now i look back and CRINGE#and i am a guy now! ok? I get it that a lot of people are transmasc doing this i get why! but.....#i just wish it was less of a Thing. and i genuinely find it triggering.#because i do fucking care ok? i have academic books about some of the 5 or so men's issues on my bookshelf!#because actually there are people writing these books and they do care!#i had someone a while ago saying it was 'sad' to see a trans man talk like i do on this so i explained where i'm coming from#and they never came back so i will never know if they saw my point of view and that kind of sucked#hopefully that won't happen again- i really don't like arguing with other transmasc people (i like discussions though)#anyway i'll stop rambling now
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i feel like half of my posts are just hidden from other people's dashes bc like 80% of what i post is just not seen by anyone
#and i hate feeling like im begging for attention#i hate making posts like this#its just i get. really scared. like im either doing something wrong or i just suck or im not fun#i hate feeling alone and isolated it's. one of my worst fears#and i don't know what to do in these situations#i hate feeling like i have to constantly remind people i exist at all it scares the hell out of me#but also i feel horrible and stupid for just crying about nobody liking my stupid fucking posts#i don't use any other social media this is the only place i interact with people so this is kind of all i get#and i started posting more bc i thought maybe if i just do that I'll get something#but it feels like every note i get is solely for that one popular post i have and nothing else#i dont like. need comments or reblogs just like. idk. seeing the 0 notes makes me feel invisible like i never posted#i feel like exactly 5 people ever interact with me and even then it's only on a few posts#am i doing something wrong? did i break some unspoken rule i didn't know about again? i don't know#am i just annoying#i#i just#we've been so so blurry lately and we keep begging for people to talk to us so we don't forget our system completely#because we don't keep track of this stuff without external motivation so we need to talk about ourselves to someone#we lost our only system irl bc they turned out to be a predator and now we have nobody to talk about system stuff to#i just . want a friend to talk to#i just want to talk to anyone
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been scrubbing these damn shoes w the white soles for eternity
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#WHY did i buy shoes w white soles in the 1st place anyway#and then they chafed my ankle and squeezed my lil toe after walking w them for a while#then i learned i could give them back. however. i had worn them before. hence the scrubbing#a chemistry friend told me acetone works wonders but. well. i don't have access to a chem lab so no acetone for me#i tried soap salt dishwasher soap vinegar baking powder toothpaste. they do look almost perfectly white again#but if you look at them under good light you can see that they are not factory clean#also i got the fabric wet while scrubbing and i tried blowdrying but it took too long#so now i let them airdry until tmr and then I'll return them#if i have to pay a fee for worn shoes or maybe even won't get any money back so be it. i was just too stupid#never ever will i buy shoes w white soles again. well and if i do them i will Not wear them anywhere where they can get dirty to try them#if i hadn't worn them i wouldn't have noticed the chafing and squeezing so it was good to wear them i just should've been more careful l#to not get them dirty#now im gonna go see my gp real quick bc i need a new T prescription. last i got a bottle that lasts only 1 mo in by the time it's empty#i won't be in the country to get new T so i need to refill it now. i hope i won't have to wait and that my gp understands and will actually#prescribe it
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#feel like venting a bit so don't mind me#I've been feeling so weirdly lately#like I don't know#I feel like no matter what I will never be allowed to be happy#I will always be mediocre in everything I do#I'm a bad artist and my art style is horrendous and it is not improving#people way younger than me are getting better and better and it's fucking me up#I thought by my age I would be a decent artist and I'm not#then there's this whole thing where I feel a loneliness that is just undescribable#I've been alone my whole life and I take comfort in loneliness but at the same time#idk it's hitting me harder as of late#that feeling of being the most unlovable person there is#And I just know no one will ever love me like the way I want them to#like I'm fat I'm trans I'm on the ace spectrum and I'm socially awkward#it's basically the universe giving me the biggest middle finger possible#I'm just condemned to this loneliness I'm supposed to be content with#I don't know I'm just having a lot of feelings as of late#I feel like shit and wish I never existed in the first place#so a classic huh#Wish I could see a psychiatrist and be fucking diagnosed with something#but all the psychiatrist in my city need to be called on the phone to take a new patient#and I'm terrorized of phone calls lmao#what a joooooke#anyway whatever sorry for posting this I'll go back to act like everything is fine again#I'm good at that at least#rent#negativity
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my parents are selling their house and i'm dealing with it so rationally and maturely btw. the 73 pictures i just took are completely unrelated to my fears of change and forgetting the little bits of memory that made this home
#i've never moved house before but i've been grieving this house since high school idk how to explain it#to have felt so trapped here for so long and then having it as a place i have to come back to every 3 months to the thought of one day never#? being allowed inside it again? how does anyone do anything ever in life this feels impossible but also like the smallest most trivial#thing in the world. hello.#i missed my sibling's spring break visit home bc of finals and now i'll never hurt my back watching tv with them on their bed? ever? for#fucking serious????#craning my head to make stupid faces at them through the hallway before bed. never ever? :(?#wish this horrible pattern of me missing the last chance i'll get to see someone bc of school first it was my dog and now it's my sib here#and i just. sigh.#sorry to mope on main again i'm just melancholy and this blog is my diary youre all just reading it#a post
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#periodical life updates#(<- NUMBER 3!!!) I FINISHED THE ANIMATION AND EVERYTHING FOR THAT PROJECT AND SENT IT OFF! super excited!!#it looks really cute! i tried my best and im mostly satisfied of where i landed <33#it's my little sibling's birthday today!! it's also the first official meeting of lgbt club!! (the other event was a fun lgbt mixer)#my backpack smells bad. like mildew or mold maybe? urgh its awful and gives me a headache. i might need a new one. i dont know. urghhh.#my programming homework is due today!! yike!! but other than that my personal projects with deadlines are all done!#INIQUITY NOW THAT YOU HAVE TIME ARE YOU FINALLY GONNA WORK ON YOUR SELF SHIP BLOG?? YES!! HOPEFULLY!!#truthfully i /have/ been working on it on the side. it looks decent but the colors;;; i have always been pretty sht at color picking?#i can adjust with filters but without that im like. a little not good yet lmao. gotta do some studies sometime perhaps#BUT YAY EXCITED!! ive got some rambles and doodles and a tag system and f/o info which is extremely cumbersome (affectionate)!!#also i have new fandom ocs for the latest dimension 20 campaign and im so delighted heho <33 this campaign is literally so fun.#im watching it with my sibling when its done!! OOH ALSO I FIGURED OUT HOW TO PNGTUBE AND i will likely never use it BUT COOL!!#i dont like. talk. lmao. my art streams are 1) silent 2) rare 3) only shared with my siblings. pngtuber is a little useless. but CUTE!!#i got boba tea yesterday!! sandy bought it :3 <3 and we're having pho and cheesecake later and i might plan out a little excursion today?#like i might get a treatsie. OR i'll just sit on campus as usual and get a mango smoothie and draw for a while (or work on homework.)#(lets be honest its likely the former. i might get a little back into traditional? ooh or maybe i'll practice my asl?) HEY THOUGH.#ive been thinking about making a henrey stickmn (ask)blog to practice asl? like. no plot. just henry teaching ellie and charles asl#really funny considering my Real concept of an askblog for THSC. not ace or eca; but a secret third thing (⛎) ;)#then again since when have i EVER followed through on an askblog lmao?? damb im all over the place today. we're already hitting tag limit#okay!! 3 AM!! if im going early tomorrow i gotta eep! goodnight everyone i love you!! see you tomorrow if i have the energy and time!!
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I'm also so pissed because Phu came back, accepted the job with Nan's company that Nan literally fought to help him avoid, then up and abandoned him AND his fucking job. Like Phu fucks with Nan's personal life so much that now he needs to let that bleed into Nan's professional life? Nan was doing fine. He was literally letting go and moving on with his life when Phu returned and fucked everything up again. Phu has no sense of responsibility. Not even for his own damn coffee shop. I can forgive a lot, but I cannot forgive people fucking with jobs/careers. Nan deserves to feel secure in at least one aspect of his life damn it.
#the promise#the promise the series#the promise bl#if someone came into my personal life and fucked it up i won't be happy but i'll deal#but if someone came along and fucked with my job and my career?#heads would roll#phu doesn't care abut anyone outside of himself#he hasn't thought of anyone else once during this entire show#and the only time he kind of did is when party told phu everything nan had done for him#and it would be a good idea not to be a shitty friend in return and maybe do one nice thing so nan can fucking keep his job#fuck phu and i mean this sincerely#i hope he gets a paper cut between his fingers and his fingernails#all of them#and also that everything he ever eats ever again is just ever so slightly too spicy for him#including the water he drinks#i hope he always has one mosquito bite in a random yet inconvenient place at all times#i hope phu has to watch as nan learns to live his life without him and falls in love with another man#i hope phu sees nan love a man and never forgives himself for thinking that nan would do anything but be supportive of him#for thinking nan could be the kind of person he envisioned as disgusted and homophobic#nan literally initiated a kiss that turned into them making out before phu disappeared#yeah they were drunk#but to think that nan would be disgusted after that? does phu even know the man he claims to love? to think nan could be so awful?#they made out and then phu ran away for ten years#kjsdhgkjsdhgkh i'll stop ranting now but just know i'm still mad and thinking angry thoughts about it
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I don't know, those gifs of Andrew Garfield saying how to him the most terrifying thing is certainty... they resonate with me
The way people go around so damn sure that they're right about things, frankly I think there's very few things more dangerous than not even allowing for the possibility that you're wrong
Like you've just decided that you 100% know best, and from now on any evidence to the contrary is just something to be pushed aside because it's clearly wrong. The harm you'll do isn't real because obviously you wouldn't be doing it if there was harm. You're just right. That's the end of it
No, I agree with Andrew Garfield, I'd much rather stop and reassess over and over, as many times as I need to, to make sure that I'm still doing the right thing
I'll never be anything cause it just doesn't interest me, but if I was going to join a religion I know I'd become Jewish
Thought that since I was little with all the Jewish friends I had at school, and what's more it just seems to fit me best, all the elements of questioning. Hell... it even sounds like if I said "you know, I don't really believe in god", that there's a chance the rabbi might say "funny thing, me neither" (I've heard some don't), but if not that at least "eh, that's fine, why don't you come discuss why with us"
It's just funny the number of times I've related to something someone's saying, and then you find out their Jewish and this ties into that sense of questioning things, and that interview is an example
I agree with him, nothing scarier than being 100% sure you're correct... you can do a lot of bad things once you know for a fact you're right to be doing them
#I frankly worry quite a lot seeing some people who I like very much and the things they've been saying lately#worry a lot about extremism... and you might say left or right extremism? and my answer would be... both#you just gotta pick which of the people I worry about for me to tell you which is all; you know?#good people; kind people; you have to understand that the stuff that's worrying me is them coming from a place of caring#seeing harm and cruelty in the world and wanting to do something about it#and I worry... I worry; and I don't think my words mean anything even when I try and offer a nudge with a reason behind it#but then again.. I don't know if they've ever really listened to me about anything ever to be honest... I don't know why they keep me aroun#like I believe them when they say they like me cause I trust them#but... most of the time they don't even acknowledge what I say; so...#not sure if it's a communication miss match; or not being able to think how to respond; or... what...#but... when that's the case; I mean... why would they listen to me about serious stuff if they don't about the little stuff?#very smart; very caring; just an all around wonderful person#but... some of this stuff... like sometimes I worry they'll wind up full on accelertationist#and... I feel like their understanding of geopolitics ends up being too fed by... well... other people on tumblr#like I'm sorry but... I don't think you really grasp quite who those people actually are#and maybe some rando on here... they might just perhaps be... dismissing and ignoring inconvenient and bad stuff#like oy vey; I don't want to say specifics but like... how in the world can someone as smart as you wind up with such heavy blinders on?#...I just see it too much these days; too many people; too sure they're right#some folks it's religion; they have a little too much faith and... are willing to permit a lot of pain#some folks it's social justice; where they're kinda getting a list of acceptable targets#mhh... there's just this stuff building up in bad ways and... I don't know#one of em; I'll be blunt; I like them to much to ever stop following them... not following in the the tumblr sense#following after them like a dog; they're someone I could never quit.. doesn't mean I'd agree or support it.. but I'd never break off contac#right or wrong that's just the truth of it#guess what I'm saying here is don't go some place I can't follow#...it all comes from a place of caring; but man... it's a real bad direction#...it frankly eats at me... if you look through the stuff I say you might pick up a trend of this eating at me#fuck I wish they respected anything I said#or maybe they do and it just doesn't feel like it and they never seem to acknowledge a word I say unless it's a topic they like#but I wish they'd listen to me and just... just course correct such a tiny tiny tiny amount
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