#and the occasionally thing of me saying something horrible and angsty and her screaming at me

[cherubsoda]

ofc im gonna make a playlist for ignis. never think otherwise

[weasleydream]

The girl of the 12, Grimmauld Place

Hey guys! Here is a Fred imagine!

I have to say I’m quite proud of this one, it’s a bit longer than what I’m used to but I really like it. Plus I’ve discovered I’m a sucker for Wolfstar in the role of the protective fathers and it gave me another idea. I don’t know yet if it will be a series or just very long but I can ensure you our dear Sirius and Remus will be there! (and it will be angsty but you don’t need to know it right now)

I guess I can say there’s a light mention of sex but really nothing shocking.

Anyway as usual feel free to give me feedbacks, and I hope you’ll enjoy!

Masterlist 

(gif not mine) 

The night was cold for a June night. The skin of my arm was bare but the occasional goosebumps were nothing compared to my tremors of fear. I was holding firmly my wand, in fact, I held it as if my life depended on it. Which was truer than ever. 

A few hours earlier, my life was totally normal. Well, as normal as it could be for the daughter of two members of the American part of the Order of the Phoenix obsessed with revenge. My parents were both locked in an office arranged especially for whatever concerned the former Death Eaters, probably mumbling incoherent things they were the only ones to understand, and I was in my room, staring into emptiness while daydreaming about futile things when everything had begun. I didn’t know when the Death Eaters had intruded our house, nor did I know how they had managed to do it, but I had understood something was wrong the moment my father had screamed. I had quickly grabbed my wand and made my way downstairs, having good sense enough to stay hidden despite my fear. The four men hadn’t had any difficulty to kill both my parents, and I had heard one of them shouting the others to come upstairs find me. My heartbeat had increased at an incredibly speed and I had done the first thing I had thought about: getting out by the window. With a wave of my wand, I had freed the tiny bird my parents kept in a little cage in case of emergency (“It will know where to go if something bad happens.” My father had assured me.) 

And now, I was walking at a constant speed, always glancing above my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t followed and cursing because I was unable to apparate. I had been raised like a soldier, yet my parents had never thought it would be useful for me to be able to apparate. I groaned and turned in another empty street of the neighborhood without history of the suburbs around New-York. The neighbors would gossip for sure. 

A cat ran between my legs and I jumped, ready to cast a spell. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what the bird would do, and I didn’t know what the Death Eaters would do. It was a lot of unknown. Suddenly, I heard a pretty melody. Looking up, I saw the red bird I had freed half an hour earlier. It landed on my shoulder, repeating once more its song, and vanished as quickly as it had came. Roughly three seconds later, I heard a soft pop and Remus Lupin was standing in front of me. 

Remus was the only British I knew. My parents had been close to him and his friends - the Marauders, if I remembered correctly - one of them being my mother’s half brother. It was her favourite tragic story to tell, how her beloved Peter along with James and Lily Potter had been betrayed by this awful Sirius Black. Remus was the only one who had bothered to come in America to see my parents and me, and I had seen him a few times in my life. He had always seemed quite sick and tired, but it was nothing compared to what he looked like tonight. I glanced at the sky - yes, almost the full moon. I knew about Remus’ secret, he had told me about it when I had asked him why he had scars when I was seven. I had never been afraid of him, he was the only one I could consider like a friend. 

“Y/N, what happened?” 

His voice was quiet, and he grabbed my arm. 

“My parents are dead. Death Eaters. How is it possible?” 

Remus groaned. In a few words, he managed to explain me what had happened in England the day before. It looked like the 24th of June would stay in the world’s memory as the day He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had returned. 

A few hours passed - the time for Remus to summon a Portkey and contact Albus Dumbledore with a bird like the tiny red one. I was now in front of the safest place for me, in Remus’ words. 

“Welcome to the Order Headquarters, Y/N.”

The 12, Grimmauld Place was quite a strange house. Its facade was completely run-down and the windows were dirty. I had imagined a lot of things for the Order of the Phoenix, but not this. Remus had told me about the Secret Keeper, that it was protected with strong spells, but after entering, I was pretty sure it was useless. Who would approach these giant cobwebs and this awful portrait screaming whereas I had just hit the umbrella stand? 

I followed Remus in a long corridor and he gently pushed me into a big living-room. Three persons were here, but I only recognized one: Sirius Black. I groaned and narrowed my eyes. My mother had told me a lot about him, how he was the biggest git at school, how is family was the typical pure-blood-and-proud-to-be family, how is own brother had been a Death Eater. I had learnt to hate him just because my parents did. He had massacred Peter and was the very first one to breakout from Azkaban. 

“Y/N, we have a lot to explain you.” murmured Remus. He was looking carefully at me, maybe he feared I would explode or worse - cry in front of them. ���But I guess it can wait if you want.”

“No, I want to know everything.” My voice was secure, without an ounce of sadness. It obviously surprised him. “You know I had never been really close to them.” 

Remus nodded.

“In a first time, let me introduce you to Alastor Moody,” a scary man with a magical eye nodded abruptly, “Nymphadora Tonks -”

“Just Tonks.” She had bright pink hair and smiled softly at me.

“And Sirius Black. No, he’s not a murderer.” Remus added quickly. “As I said, we have a lot to explain.” 

Long story short, Peter was the git of the story. He had betrayed James and Lily Potter, condemning them to death, before fleeing. Sirius had tried to kill him, yes, but he had failed, and the coward had faked his own death. He was the one to help He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, it was because of him he was back, and probably because of him my parents were dead. Quite ironical, wasn’t it? Then he had processed to explain what had happened during the Triwizard Tournament, and now, Remus had finished his story, and I felt four pairs of eyes on me. 

“That doesn’t explain why they have killed my parents.” I said. 

“I guess they haven’t been as discreet as they thought. Now that You-know-who is back, maybe his followers will feel free to attack everyone who’s against them.” suggested Remus. 

“Anyway, you’re safe here, Y/N.” said Sirius. I nodded and yawned. “Let me show you your room.” 

I followed him without a word. He gestured me to stay silent in the corridor, obviously not wanting to wake the portrait up. We climbed the stairs, ran into an ugly house elf and finally reached a room I could actually sleep in. 

“I guess your parents have only told you what an abominable man I am.” 

I nodded. 

“You know, Y/N, back at Hogwarts, I really liked your parents.” Sirius’ voice was strangely emotional. “I remember when they had announced they would be parents. Yes, I’ve seen you when you were just a baby. In fact, I have seen you regularly during two years, until… Their death.” His eyes darkened. “I won’t tell you I’m sorry, I know what you’re feeling. I’ve never really liked my family, you know. I’m nothing like them. I just wanted you to know it.” 

Sirius turned his heels. I decided I trusted him.

“Sirius?” He turned toward me, clearly surprised. “One day, do you think you and Remus could tell me some stories about your Hogwarts years? It seems pretty fun.”

He smiled, and for a brief moment, I saw a younger man. A man whose life hadn’t been destroyed unfairly. 

Thinking my life in England would be more entertaining than it was in America was undoubtedly a big mistake. Indeed, the next morning, I was eating some eggs when Alastor Moody arrived while muttering. It seemed to be his only way to communicate, and I was almost surprised to hear a true sentence. 

“Look at that.”

He threw a newspaper on the table in front of me. A photography occupied the front page. It showed a girl that looked vaguely like me, but her hair were longer than mine, her face was rounder and her teeth - God, it was horrible. Above the photo, a title in bold caught my eyes: Y/N Y/L/N, a dangerous murderer. Underneath that was written Reward for whoever give us her localisation. It was ridiculous. I quickly scanned the article. Killer. Muggles and children. Psychopath. 

“What the hell is that?”

Remus was behind me, his eyes fixed on the photo. 

“I think it’s the proof we were looking for.” answered Moody. In front of my interrogative look, he added: “We know for sure the Ministry is infiltrated.” 

I had spent my first week here hidden in a room, only joining the others when I was hungry or when someone dragged my downstairs. I was in the same boat as Sirius now, wanted for something I had never done and forced to stay in this horrible house. I was pretty sure I would kill someone if I heard once more the portrait of Sirius’ mother screaming me insults.

I was currently in the same room as Buckbeak, a beautiful hippogriff, when my stomach started to rumble. I decided to sneak into the kitchen, hoping I wouldn’t run into Kreacher, the ugly house elf. I tried my best to be quiet and I was on the verge of entering the kitchen when I heard my name in a conversation. 

“Sirius, have you seen Y/N today?” It was Remus. He had been really worried about me since my arrival, and he didn’t like me being alone all the time. I guessed he didn’t want to force me, maybe he thought I needed time. It wasn’t totally a lie.

“Who is Y/N?” I didn’t know the woman who had spoke. 

“The Y/L/N’s daughter.” answered Sirius. “They are dead.”

The woman gasped. 

“The poor girl! And you let her alone?”

I rolled my eyes. I didn’t need anyone to worry about me, thanks. I showed myself, passing in front of a plump woman with ginger hair. I ignored everyone, grabbed some sandwiches on the table and left without a word. I thought I could join Buck’s room without seeing anyone, and I groaned loudly when I came face to face with three boys and a girl, all of them having the same ginger hair as the woman in the kitchen. Two of them were twins. 

“Look who’s also in this fantastic house!” It was one of the twins. “Why is a cutie like you here?” 

His face when I forced my way between him and his twin without answering was priceless. I quickly gained Buckbeak’s room and enjoyed the silence. Two hours later, the door opened and Sirius sat next to me. 

“Our guests are quite offended,” he laughed. “Fred wants you to think he’s blubbering right now. If you want my opinion, he wants your attention.”

“How long are they gonna stay?”

“Until September.” 

I groaned, and Sirius chuckled. He patted my shoulder, telling me diner would be ready soon, and left. I sighed, I knew I didn’t have the choice. I left the room and came downstairs. The kitchen was way more animated than usual. The woman I had seen earlier was there, preparing something that smelled really good, along with her children. Sirius was talking with Remus and Mad-Eye Moody while Nymphadora Tonks - who wanted to be called just Tonks - was listening to a man with ginger hair - again? I caught a glimpse of the twins standing in the corner of the kitchen. It looked like they didn’t want anyone to interrupt, so I walked straight toward them. 

“I thought you were crying like a baby because of me.” 

One of the twins smirked. He was slightly smaller than his brother, and I was pretty sure he was Fred. 

“Why, love, were you worried?”

“No, darling, I just wanted to tell you that you look cute when you’re offended.”

He laughed frankly, and a sparkle appeared in his eyes. I had to admit he was quite cute when he laughed too. 

“I’m Fred, and this is George.”

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

Fred and George exchanged a surprised look. 

“Don’t ask: yes, I’m a dangerous murderer and yes, if you bother me, I’ll kill you.”

I turned the heels and sat next to Remus without hearing Fred mumbling “I like her.” 

The next day, the woman with ginger hair, Molly Weasley, came in my room and woke me up. 

“Hello dear, how did you sleep?”

“Well, thank you Mrs Weasley.” She scoffed, not wanting me to call her that. I had understood that quite well after the fiftieth time she had told me so the previous day, but what do you want, old habits die hard. 

“Sirius wanted me to tell you he needs to see you.” 

I nodded in agreement and quickly put on a jumper, it was an unusually cold morning. I followed her downstairs and ran into Fred and George. They were arguing with their father. 

“Why can’t we stay? We’re adults now!” protested George. 

“Because your mother thinks you’re still too young. Don’t argue, George, you neither, Fred, and go to your room!”

They sighed a bit too loud for it to be natural and finally left the living-room where the meeting would take place. Fred winked at me and followed his brother. When I entered the room, I came face to face with a man I had never seen before. He was wearing a black robe and had oily black hair, but what I saw first was his big crooked nose. We looked at each other a few seconds and I looked away only when Sirius coughed. He put an arm around my shoulder and dragged me away, not without glaring at the man. I couldn’t help but notice two things: first, a true hatred had arisen from the man as soon as Sirius had arrived, second, Sirius had stood straighter and lifted his chin. 

“It’s Severus Snape.” he murmured me. “A total creep.” 

“Why aren’t you besties then?” I smirked. 

“I’m afraid my hair will become like his if I stay next to him for too long.” 

I rolled my eyes. However, my smile faded when I saw how worried Remus looked. He was frowning and his grin seemed a bit too forced when he saw me. 

“Y/N, how are you?” His tone was too cheerful. Yep, something was wrong. 

“I could ask you the same question.” I eyed him suspiciously. He promptly looked away. 

I asked Sirius what was happening and he shrugged. Now that I thought about it, Molly had seemed worried too, but she was nowhere to be seen. A regular noise indicated me Mad-Eye was approaching. 

“Y/L/N, can I talk to you for a minute?” I nodded. “Soon we will send you back to America for a mission. You don’t have to know the details for now. I will talk to you about it later.”

Even if a lump was forming in my throat, I nodded once more and hurriedly headed toward the door to leave the living-room. No one followed me; the meeting had probably begun and that meant I wasn’t needed anymore. I was on the verge of running upstairs when I stop dead in my tracks. You’re going crazy my dear Y/N. An ear was floating in the air. I saw it rising, my mouth wide open, when I heard muffled voices from upstairs. Sighing and rolling my eyes - it was another of my bad habits - I dragged myself to my room. I stopped when I heard Fred’s voice. 

“Y/N has the right to stay for the meetings,” he mumbled. “I wonder why she can and not us.”

“Because her parents didn’t forbid her to.” I had never heard this voice. Maybe it was from the twins’ brother. 

“Have you seen them? Her parents?” It was a girl voice, probably their sister. 

“No, you’re right. You know what, maybe we can ask her to tell us what happens in the meetings?”

“Yes, Ron, obviously no one has told her not to tell anything.” It was George. 

“I’m sure we can make her talk.” Fred’s voice was now cheerful. “I’m sure with a little Tickling Charm -”

I decided to open the door. Clearly surprised, the four siblings turned simultaneously their heads toward me. Their mouths were slightly opened, they looked like fishes. Stupid fishes, might I add. 

“It wouldn’t work Fred, I hate tickles.”

“What a shame.” he replied. “Are you here to tell us everything you know?”

“No way.” I saw the boy who had to be Ron frowning. “I’m here to tell you to be more careful when you try to spy on the meetings. I’ve seen the ear.”

“I told you it wasn’t a good idea!” hissed the girl.

“Don’t worry, I’m the only one.” I add. I winked at Fred, quite happy to see him smile at me, and I left. 

“Wait!” 

I let the door of my room open and sat on my bed, looking curiously at Fred. He passed an hand in his hair, ruffling it a bit, and joined me. 

“You seem upset.” 

It wasn’t a question, and I didn’t deny. Of course I was upset. I didn’t want to go back to America. I hated this country and I hated the memories I had there.

“Why do you think I’m upset?”

“Your eyes seem darker, and your smile isn’t the same either.” 

It was scary, how well he could understand me. It was the very first time someone saw through my armor, and I wasn’t sure how I had to react. 

“You can trust me.” Fred added softly. 

“They want me to go back to America for a mission but…”

“You don’t want to, right?”

I nodded. Fred slowly put an arm around my shoulder and, seeing I didn’t push him away, he pulled me against him. I enjoyed this embrace and after a few moments, I put my arms around him. None of us talked or moved, we were just melting in this hug. 

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” He murmured in my ear. I sighed sadly. 

“I don’t have the choice.”

“Or you murder everyone.” His tone was playful and when I raised an eyebrow at him, he pretended to be deadly serious. “No one could force to go anywhere.”

“That means I would have to murder you too, right?” 

“You wouldn’t do that.” He seemed pretty confident. 

“And why?”

“I bet you’re a little angel behind this facade of sarcasm.”

After this day, I grew closer to the Weasley siblings, but I had something way more special with Fred. He just seemed to know me perfectly even though we knew each other for barely two weeks. Molly was lovely with me, but I wasn’t sure it was because of my friendship with her children. She acted like a mother to me, and I had to admit it was new for me. My own mother had never been particularly tender or loving with me, neither had been my father. Our interaction consisted in homeschooling and training with plenty of spells, along with the history of the Order and of course, the life of Peter Pettigrew. That was it. I had never really left the house I had grown in, and the only person other than my parents I knew back there was Remus. 

That’s why having a family as loud and joyous as the Weasley family was strange, but I couldn’t say it displeased me. The only thing bothering me in this new life was the Weasley siblings’ obsession with what happened during the meetings. I hadn’t had news about my mission yet, but I had to stay to describe the surroundings of my house and how was the American part of the Order. 

However, I never assisted to the meetings until their ends, and when I had to leave the living-room, I usually joined Fred, George, Ginny and Ron in the twins’ room. Today was no exception: Molly had hurriedly gestured me toward the door - she didn’t like at all my implication in the meetings - and I quickly climbed the stairs. When I opened the door, I immediately felt Fred’s look on me. 

“It was an important meeting today, wasn’t it?” 

“Yes, it was, and no, you won’t know anything.” 

He sighed and I mimicked him. He was cute and kind, and very funny, but he was also irritating as fuck when he wanted to. 

“Why won’t you say anything?” It was George. “We need to know.”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” I replied. “And your mother would kill me if I even told you on which chair Moody sits.” 

“We don’t care about Mum!” Ginny lost her temper. “This is too important, we need to know everything Y/N! Why can’t you understand this?”

“Why can’t you understand Molly wants to protect you?” I felt my blood boiling in my veins, not a good sign. “She loves you. You can’t blame her for loving you, you don’t have the right!” I had screamed the last words and the four ginger heads in front of me stared at me in shock. I didn’t know why, but I felt like the next article about me in the Daily Prophet would be perfectly justified. “Why do you want so badly to know?” My voice was quieter. “These people I see during the meetings, each member of the Order, everyone is threatened. You know what happened to my parents, right?” Their guilty looks gave me my answer. “As soon as the war will start, we will be on the front line, maybe all of us will die. Why would you want to be a part of this? Trust me, you should run away, not rush into the battle. At least I would know you’re normal.” 

A silence followed my last words, and I caught myself hoping they were convinced. Note to self: never think Fred can be serious if the situation isn’t immediately life-threatening. 

“We’re quite proud to say we’re not normal.” He had a big grin. 

“Idiot.” I muttered. 

He stood up and walked toward me. I knew I was supposed to be angry at him, but when he opened his arms in front of me, I couldn’t help but throw my arms around his neck. It felt too good to be here, it felt right. 

“I promise we won’t bother you with that anymore.” His voice was muffled by my hair. I heard the floorboards creaking and the door softly closing. We were alone. “Can I ask you something, Y/N?” I nodded. “Were you close to your parents?” 

“I think you know the answer.” 

He sighed, and I reluctantly looked him in the eyes. I didn’t want to see the pity I always saw in Remus’ eyes, or in Molly’s. To my surprise, it wasn’t the case. Fred had the same look in his eyes as Sirius, which I saw like a  it’s-sad-to-know-you-weren’t-close-to-them-but-I-swear-I-won’t-bother-you-to-death-with-that-and-I’ll-try-to-make-you-forget-that look. 

Our faces were only inches apart, and not really knowing why I did that, I grabbed his face and kissed him. His lips were softer than I had imagined. My hands slowly made their way to his neck and to his hair. Our lips were moving in sync and muffled groans escaped our mouths. I felt my heartbeat increasing and way too soon, I ran out of breath. We reluctantly broke the kiss, keeping our foreheads pressed against each other, and I couldn’t help but smile brightly. 

“You’re a good kisser, Fred.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, Y/N.”

I was quite happy Sirius hadn’t the same way to make me forget, it would have been awkward.

I was really comfortable with the new kind of relationship I had with Fred, but I didn’t know how to tell Remus. The guy had always acted like a father to me, even back in America where he would bring me chocolate each time he visited us. And I had a feeling he wouldn’t be overjoyed by what I had to tell him. Fred understood perfectly my state of mind, obviously not really wanting everyone to know either. We had never spoken a word about it, yet we had both kind of agreed we would hide our relationship, for a little while anyway. That resulted in us sneaking into every room of the house and snogging as long as we could, until one of us was needed and our name echoed in the corridors. 

George had been the first one to become suspicious, and he figured it out approximately two hours after our first kiss. From this point - and after a pretty convincing threat from Fred and I - he had promised not to tell everyone and to help us keeping the secret. He usually lied well and was able to cover us long enough for us to appear reasonably presentable. Unfortunately, swollen lips were difficult to hide. I guess that’s why Ginny soon understood what was happening, and Ron couldn’t stay oblivious when his sister was constantly joking about a certain leech unable to let me alone. Molly had become quite suspicious too, but the incredible thing was that Remus hadn’t any clue of what was happening. Sirius had begun teasing me the day the Weasleys had arrived, it had never really changed.

Fred and I both wanted to keep this a secret, but that didn’t prevent us from touching each other. We were always sitting next to each other during the diner, and when we couldn’t hold hands, we just made our knees or our elbows enter in contact. Fred winked at me approximately a dozen of times per day, and each second we could spend alone was used very wisely. However, a sort of tension was building itself between us. It wasn’t the bad kind of tension, it was the intimate kind. When we were alone and kissing, our hands moved more and more, and our bodies were closer and closer. I discovered a new kind of need, the one that was felt deep inside me, I needed to feel him closer to me. And I could tell that Fred was thinking exactly the same. 

I was sitting in front of my opened window. The fresh air of the night was slightly caressing my face as I was thinking about Fred. Again. God, what had he done to me? I was unable to get him out of my head. I groaned and sat on the floor, the back resting against the wall. I was simply unable to sleep, and unfortunately, the sparkle in Fred’s eyes and his soft hair weren’t the only thing preventing me from sleeping. Mad-Eye had told me, a few hours ago, that I would soon receive the details about my mission in America. I wouldn’t admit it, never - I had a reputation of murderer to preserve, after all - but I was terrified. I wanted nothing more than forget about this part of my life. It wasn’t perfect right now either, I was locked up all day in this house, but I had parental figures that loved me - Remus, Molly and even Sirius, I had friends and I had a wonderful boyfriend. It was closer to perfection that it had never been. 

I knew I wouldn’t sleep, and I decided to be a bit selfish. Fred and I almost hadn’t seen each other this day and I missed him. I got out of my room, tiptoeing to avoid this creepy house elf and I made my way to the twins’ room. They weren’t sleeping, I could hear their muffled voices. I slowly opened the door and, after the second of shock, they both smiled at me and Fred extended an arm. I sat on his lap, snuggling up with him and vaguely listening to them. 

Eventually, George yawned and announced us he would go to sleep. 

“Don’t do anything nasty while I’m here.” He winked. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll find another room for tonight.” Answered Fred. 

I smiled and grabbed his hand, leading him out. We barely heard George’s comment (“Try not to wake everyone up!”) and I was going to join my room when Fred stopped me. 

“No, love, follow me.”

We climbed the stairs and I noticed he had two pillows and blankets under his arm. We choose one of the room of the top floor and sneaked in. With a wave of his wand, Fred lighted a fire in the chimney and he put the blankets on the floor, one laid out and the others stashed next to the first one, in front of the now burning fire. Then he turned toward me and put his hands around my waist. He slowly leaned in and kissed me. 

“Are you sure you want to do it?” His voice was a whisper.

I nodded, I didn’t want anything more than to feel him against me in the most intimate way possible. We shared another kiss, and another, and we slowly undressed each other. We laid on the blanket without breaking the kiss, both naked and discovering our bodies in a new way. This night was full of love and full of trust, Fred and I weren’t just two young adults hiding and snogging, we were now two lovers. 

My head was resting against his torso, and his heartbeat slowly becoming normal again was the sweetest melody to me. We were still naked and laying on the blanket, Fred’s head resting on the pillows. His arms were around me and I was literally laying on him. A comfortable silence took place, only disturbed by the crackling sounds of the fire. A shiver ran down my spine. Fred grabbed a blanket and covered me. 

“Better?” he whispered. 

“Perfect.” 

He chuckled, and the vibration in his chest seemed to echo in mine.

“Fred, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, love.”

“Promise you won’t laugh.”

Without seeing him, I could tell he was raising an eyebrow and a smirk was on his lips. 

“I will try, but I can’t promise.”

I sighed, knowing my question would seem quite strange, but I was imagining a perfect life and I needed him to help me.

“What is it like to go to school?” 

Much to my surprise, Fred didn’t laugh. He didn’t let out a sarcastic or incredulous comment, he just tightened his grip on me and kissed my hair. 

“You’ve never been to school?”

I shook my head. He sighed sadly, probably imagining a little girl locked up in a cold house, her parents only teaching her the strict necessary, an unhappy girl only dreaming to have friends and be normal. He wasn’t really wrong. 

“Whatever we say, going to school is incredible,” he started. “especially if you go to Hogwarts. That’s where I go. You live with your friends, you can do everything with them. Eating your breakfast, playing Quidditch, sneaking into the kitchen for the parties -”

“Is it even allowed?” I laughed. 

“Well, you’re missing the point.” He chuckled. “And as cliche as it sounds, it’s the most magical way to learn. Sometimes, you miss your house and your parents, along with your siblings if they aren’t with you, but your friends in there, they are your second family. You would do anything for them, and they would do anything for you, even going to detention. And even detentions are fun if you’re with the good persons. And you can explore each corner of the school and live wonderful adventures.”

Fred stopped, obviously feeling my tears on his bare skin. He murmures apologies and stroke my hair.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I shouldn’t have -”

“No Fred, thank you. Now I can imagine my perfect life.” I murmured. 

“Am I a part of it?”

“Of course you are.”

And I fell asleep. 

The castle towers were illuminated by the sunset. The sky had taken a bright red tone, and a sweet breeze ruffled our hair. Fred was in front of me, running slow enough for me to follow and holding my hand. We were in a park, surrounded by huge trees. The air was fresher here, and the grass underneath my bare feet was soft. Some birds were still up there and singing for us. It was truly perfect. 

Suddenly Fred stopped and turned toward me. His eyes were shining, he had this sparkle that showed every time he was happy. 

“Ready for our adventure, my love?”

I opened my mouth, eager to tell him I would follow him everywhere, but it wasn’t clearly not my voice that echoed in the peaceful atmosphere of the forest. 

“What the -”

A sudden airstream made me shiver and I snuggled closer to Fred. I didn’t want to open my eyes, my dream was too beautiful. Maybe if I could go back to sleep right now -

“Good job, Mum. You might want to close the door now, no?”

I heard the door closing and I sighed in contentment. I felt myself falling asleep again when two loud sounds made me jump. The door had been slammed open and a loud gasp echoed in the room. Instinctively, I tried to get up but Fred pulled me against him.

“Don’t think you want to get up right now.” he murmured with his husky voice in my ear. 

I turned my head, ready to scold whoever had disturbed my peaceful dream when I saw him. Remus was on the threshold, his face as white as the hairs of Kreacher’s ears. I was sure mine was dark red by now, and I caught George’s look behind him, silently telling he was sorry. Finally, this little bastard pulled Remus backwards and closed the door, not without dodging the pillow I had thrown him for daring wiggling his eyebrows. 

“I’m going to die…” I murmured. 

“So am I.” answered Fred. “At least we’ll be together.”

“What a consolation.” I muttered. 

“Oi! You didn’t think that a few hours earlier.” He winked at me and grabbed my arse. 

“Not now, love, I promise in ten minutes you’ll wish you’re facing a banshee and not an angry Remus.”

Once dressed - and Fred’s giggle gone after he had seen the hickeys I had in the neck - we finally got downstairs. We entered the living-room, not really knowing what was going to follow. I wanted to tell Fred to let go of my hand, but it felt too right. I didn’t say anything. 

Remus was pacing in the room, groaning at Sirius who was laughing. They were alone in there. When he heard us, Remus looked up and Fred shifted next to me. 

“Where’s your courage, my dear Fred?” I whispered. 

“Shut up.”

I wanted to chuckle but in front of an angry werewolf it wasn’t a good idea. 

“Y/N, in the kitchen, please.”

I bolted, surprised by his tone. It wasn’t sweet but it wasn’t harsh either. I barely heard Fred groaning (“Courage my ass.”) before running face to face with Molly. She was probably as red as me, and I remembered George’s voice a bit earlier. 

“I’m sorry Mrs -”

“Molly, dear. You don’t have nothing to be sorry about.” 

She smiled and I let out a sigh of relief, one I didn’t even know I was holding. However, my smile turned into a grimace when I heard a scream in the living-room. Molly and I immediately ran behind the door and listened closely.

“I’m sorry, Professor… Mister… err…”

I chuckled, mentally promising myself I would tease Fred as soon as I could. Molly rolled her eyes. 

“She’s fragile right now!” I snorted. “She doesn’t know how to feel and you just take advantage of her situation!”

I furiously shook my head to reassure Molly, whose eyes were wide open. I was ready to barge in and calm Remus’ ass down when Fred spoke up.

“I didn’t take advantage of her Remus! She’s an adult, she can make her own decisions whether you like it or not!”

“Maybe she wanted it but how can I know you -”

“Because fell for her! I love her!” 

Fred’s voice was clear as crystal, and so was the love in it. I gasped, and realized I was feeling exactly the same. I loved him. I loved Fred Weasley. This time, I barged in the living-room, yes, but I ran toward Fred and kissed him. He gladly melted into the kiss, pulling me harder against him. We quickly interrupt, not wanting to shock poor Remus more than he already was.

“I love her, Remus, and I know what she went through. I would never, never, to that to her, I swear to you and everyone here.”

Fred’s voice was sweeter now that he didn’t feel threatened anymore. His arm was around my waist and he didn’t loosen his grip when Remus sent him a harsh look. 

“I think the boy is sincere,” softly said Sirius. “Maybe you don’t have to murder him right now.”

Remus groaned, looked at me and left in the kitchen. Catching the message, I pecked Fred’s lips - doing it in front of everyone was so strange - and I followed Remus. 

“How long has it been?” 

“Three weeks.” 

“And when did you… you know… for the first time?”

“Yesterday.”

My voice was quiet. Among everyone who was in this house, Remus was the only one I couldn’t bear to disappoint. He was like my father since I was seven, and I knew he wanted nothing more than to protect me. God, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes. What if I saw anger, and disappointment? A shaky sigh escaped my lips. 

“Hey, Y/N, look at me.”

He lifted my chin and I saw a small smile on his lips. 

“You don’t have to be sorry, I am the one owing you apologies. It’s just that… You know, I know you since you’re a baby, and I saw you growing up into a beautiful woman, and when you send this bird to me, I swore I would protect you. And I will protect you, from everything you need to be protected from, even if it’s a boy.”

“You don’t have to protect me from Fred, Remus…”

“I know that. But I hope he’s scared enough to know what will happen if he hurts you.”

“I bet his pants will remember for him.” I chuckled. 

And Remus did something he had never done before, something no one had never done before: he hugged me, and I felt the love of a father enveloping me like a protective cocoon. I even felt a tear rolling down my cheek. 

Later this day, I learnt that Mad-Eye was on his way to the 12, Grimmauld Place when Molly had been looking for me. Not finding me in my room, she had wanted to ask Fred if he had seen me, only to find out he was missing too. She had understood that we were together, and George, who had been roughly woken up by his mother, had panicked and had been unable to say anything. 

Mad-Eye wanted to explain me my mission, which happened to be less difficult than I thought: I had to go back to my former house, find an highly important file and come back. Fred had refused to let me go alone and, an hour later, we had taken a Portkey. Finding the file hadn’t lasted more than half an hour during which Fred had never let go of my hand, and we came back with the same Portkey after I had cast a spell for it to bring us back to London. 

Fred leaving for Hogwarts had kind of broken my heart, I wasn’t ready to spend moths without him, but he had promised me to send me a letter each day. He kept his promise, and while reading it, I had the impression I was with him. 

I was still locked up in this awful house, but I was with Remus and Sirius. And I loved Fred, and he loved me, and I had friends. 

My life was closer to perfection than it had never been.

[library-phantom]

Full of broken thoughts

I’ve been thinking about theories for next season of TUA and one of my favorite ideas is the siblings meeting their alternate versions in the new timeline. So, I had to make this about Klaus and think about he meeting his alternate self. But, I had to make it a little angsty and here we are! Look, I just wanted to write Klaus getting the support he deserves... As usual, English isn’t my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes. 

Summary: When the Hargreeves siblings go back to 2019 and find some different things they don't know what to do. All of them feel lost, but Klaus is feeling even worse upon seeing a different Ben and feeling his powers get too much to handle. It couldn't get worse, right? Unless seeing a confused familiar face counts as a possibility 

Or...

Klaus meets his alternate self in a different timeline...and his sister

Warnings: a little angst and mentions of the possession scene from season 2, but the ending is happy. The title is from “Hurt” by Johnny Cash.

(GIF isn’t mine)

"Dad, who the hell are these assholes?"

Those words were still echoing in his head. Ben was alive, he was standing there in front of him. But, that wasn't the same Ben. The one who would get annoyed at his behavior, his jokes...no, that Ben was gone. That was what Vanya said, right? Then, that so-called Sparrow Academy and their dad showed up and he couldn't understand what was happening. He followed his siblings out of the house while Five was talking too fast for his own good, saying how they messed up the timeline again. 

“So, they are the Umbrella Academy in this timeline?”, Luther asked while Five paced around. They finally stopped walking and were standing in an alley far from the Academy.

“I don’t know! I have no idea what is going on! If they are here, then what happened to us? Where are we? I need to think!”, sighed Five. He looked around, searching for something to write and he found an old marker next to the wall. He turned his back to the others and immediately started writing his equations in the wall of that building, occasionally talking to himself.

“Five, slow down, we need to talk about all of this and…”, Diego tried to say, but Five turned to face his siblings again, rage in his eyes.

“What the hell do you think I’m trying to do? If they are the new Academy and Dad is alive, it means there are different versions of ourselves in this parallel timeline and…”

Klaus couldn't focus on any word his brother was saying, he couldn’t stop thinking about Ben. As if it couldn’t get any worse, the voices of the ghosts were coming back again, it seems that only the sight of their Dad made him remember everything about the mausoleum. Those thoughts worked like a bait and the voices were banging in his head again. Adding to this how tired he was because of the time travel with the suitcase, he felt horrible. 

“Guys…”, he tried to say in a weak voice.

“Not now, Klaus!”, Five stopped him while turning back to his equations.

How did the voices get so loud? He needed to breath, take some time, process everything that was going on.

"Klaus, where do you think you're going? We must stay together now more than ever! We have no idea about how bad things are right now!", Five snarled at him, but Klaus didn't care. Vanya and Allison tried to stop him, but he walked away from his siblings, waving his Goodbye hand and started walking without any destination in mind.

Their voices were getting loud again, way too loud. He took some deep breaths while trying to focus and push them away, but he also thought about getting drunk or looking for one of his old dealers. Maybe he could find Old Joe around here, right? No! He wouldn't do that! A little voice inside his head was telling him he could get over this, he stayed three years sober in the 60’s, he had to keep on like that. But, the pills made everything so much easier, it wasn't like he had a reason to actually stay sober anymore. No, he was strong enough, he could do this!

The voices calling him were getting louder by each step he took, his physical state wasn't helping him keep his control now, the emotional side was even worse. 

Klaus...Klaus...Klaus…

He didn't actually realize where he was walking to, but the ghosts were so loud that he had to stop for a moment, leaning in a wall with eyes closed, his fingers on his temples, a headache starting to show. Why didn't the voices stop? Why couldn't he make it stop? He needed to calm down, he couldn't pass out now, he had to…

The door of the shop opened and hit his back and he almost fell to the ground. He was so out of himself trying to control his powers that he didn't realize he was standing in the front door of a coffee shop.

"Oh my, I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you? Are you ok?", a worried young woman said with a trembling voice. Klaus was still keeping his right hand on his temples, keeping his back to her while steading his breath.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm ok, don't worry. I didn't actually notice where I was standing", he said trying to sound as calm as possible while turning to face her. But, when he did, he saw her staring at him with a frown. 

"Wait, how are you here? I’ve just talked to you back inside right now! And, where did you get those clothes?", she asked very quickly. Then she raised her eyes to his head. "What about this hat?"

"Er, I'm sorry, I think you're mistaking me for someone else", Klaus said in a confused tone. "I don't think we ever met."

"Are you kidding me? Are you really saying you don't recognize your own sister anymore?"

His what now? Klaus only had two sisters and none of them looked like this woman. She was still studying him with a confused look and Klaus noticed she had short black hair and hazel eyes and he assumed she was a little younger than him, if only he actually remembered how old he was now…

"Look, I don't want to be rude, but I really don't know you!"

"Sure, Klaus, keep playing your games with me, pretend it's funny!"

"Wait, how do you know my name?"

"Because you're my brother, maybe? Hello, Earth to Klaus, Liz is calling! God, are you listening to anything I'm saying?"

His head was hurting more and more. Her name was Liz? Did she actually call him by his name? He couldn't think properly, but then, he vaguely remembered something Five mentioned before he walked away from his siblings. Apparently they were in a parallel timeline and there were other versions of themselves? And he was lucky enough to stumble into someone who was the sister of his parallel self? Destiny really liked to make fun of him, right?

"Listen, Liz, I think I know what's happening and I can explain", Klaus started saying. But, then, his vision became a blur and he couldn't say anything else. Without strength to keep himself standing, he fell to the ground, leaning his back on the wall of the shop again. One of the last things he could see was Liz coming closer to him, a worried look on her face.

"Who is this guy, Liz?", he heard a familiar voice say. Maybe too familiar, he thought while he blinked his eyes and saw a man next to Liz. He felt some shivers when he blinked again and wondered if he was looking at a mirror, because the man staring at him was exactly like Klaus. 

His eyelids were heavy when he opened his eyes again. Blinking a few times to adjust to the light, he saw Liz staring at him, a sense of worry over her face. Then, by her side, there was a mirror. No, not a mirror, but that was what felt like. Klaus wondered how twins usually felt while looking at someone else with the exact same appearance and he came to the conclusion that he would be very uncomfortable with this idea. If it was any consolation, his other self tried to keep some distance while looking at him with wide eyes. Besides the curlier hair pulled back in a bun and the clothes with light colors, they were a copy of each other. Oh, who was he trying to deceive? They were exactly like each other…

"Where am I? How long have I been like this?", Klaus asked trying to look around. He was sitting on a couch in a small office without any windows to let the sunlight in. A little coffee table was on the side of the couch and he noticed a glass of water. Liz nodded as if saying that he should drink that and so he did. He didn't realize how much he needed it till now, his throat was terribly dry.

"In my office, in the back of the coffee shop. You passed out and we brought you here, it’s been almost two hours. Are...are you feeling ok?", Liz said, a little hesitant. Klaus nodded before looking at his copy standing next to her.

"Why do you look exactly like me?", his other self asked, trying to not be rude. Klaus held back a laugh while sipping the water again.

"Believe me, I wish I could explain and make you believe. I hate to admit it, but Five was right after all…"

"Five? Five what?", the other Klaus furrowed his brows. Gosh, it was like looking at a reflection! 

"It's not 'what', it's 'who'", corrected Klaus. "He's my brother. Well, I'm not sure anymore if I can say he's my little brother or my older brother, time is so weird lately…"

"Wait, wait, you brother's name is Five? What do you mean?"

He wondered for a moment if he could actually talk about everything. Well, nothing could get any worse, right? 

"Oh, Liz, I wish it was that easy to explain...but, things can't get crazier than already are, so here we go…"

Klaus told them about his siblings, the Academy, the powers, the apocalypse, the time travel, the new apocalypse, the other time travel...by every word he said, the confused faces of Liz and the other Klaus only got bigger. He could almost hear Five screaming at him for saying all of that for two strangers, how dangerous that was. What if the Commission found them here? What if they tried to kill all of them again? Klaus didn't care, for some reason, he had a feeling that he could trust Liz and her brother. Even though it was weird looking at a different copy of himself.

When he finished saying everything, he just let his arms fall to the side of his body with a sigh while studying Liz's face along with her brother. 

"I...well...I don't know how to handle all of that right now", she said fumbling with her hands. Her brother, on the other side, had his eyes locked on the floor for some moments before looking at Klaus again.

"You said you have powers, right? You can see ghosts?"

"See, listen, talk to them if I'm in the mood. Apparently they can also possess me which is not cool at all", Klaus answered while remembering how bad he felt when Ben left his body. However, he didn't want to think about Ben, it was still too painful.

"That explains the pills I got from the psychiatrist", the alternate Klaus said, pulling a little tube with pills from his pocket. "The doctors never understood what was wrong with me, I lost count of how many different medicines they gave me until we got to this one. I just feel numb all the time, but this stopped the visions."

"You see them too?", Klaus said in a low voice, almost like trying to hide from the ghosts, so they wouldn't find him again.

"Yes. I feel dizzy most of the time, but that's the price I'm willing to pay for the silence in my mind."

Klaus tried to force a little smile at his alternate version, but the headache hit him again, stronger than before. He closed his eyes and covered his mouth to stop himself from screaming. His powers have been getting stronger lately, but it didn't mean he knew how to be in control all the time. 

"Klaus? Klaus, look at me", Liz said kneeling on his side. Klaus took a few breaths before turning to her while following her voice, his eyes still closed. His head was hurting so much with those voices again…"Breath, take a deep breath, focus on something else. Think about your siblings, maybe this will help."

"No, they are too loud, I can't push them away!", Klaus cried, trying to cover his ears.

"Remember them, Klaus! Remember your siblings' names, how you met each other again in the 60’s, how all of you arrived here. Focus on something!", Liz's voice seemed to be far away from him. He felt some movement on his side, his other self was getting closer to try to help him somehow.

"They will be looking for you, you'll need to go back for them", his other self told him with a calm voice.

"No, they won't", Klaus laughed, finally opening his eyes and looking at them. "They don't take me seriously, they still see me as a junkie after all this time. They just can't believe I can get sober if I want to, they probably didn't even notice how long I've been gone today and, to be honest, it wouldn't be the first time anyway! I hear these voices all the time, people calling my name and thinking I can help them, but I can't...not even the person I love believed me when I tried to save his life. My dead brother could take control of my body and nobody cared about how bad that made me feel! Now he's gone for good and nobody seems to care about it, but me!"

He didn't realize how he was screaming when he finished saying all of that, but the pain was so much that made him snap. At least, the voices stopped and his head wasn't pounding so much now. He felt sweat forming in his forehead and tears burning his eyes. That was the truth, right? His siblings didn't take him seriously, he would always be the drug addict, the weird brother, the irresponsible one. 

"Klaus? I know I can't say I understand how you're feeling now, but I want to help you somehow", the alternate Klaus said, while touching his arm. "In some weird way we are both the same person dealing with these voices in our heads. Oh, yeah, baby!", he added when Klaus gave him a frown. "If I run out of pills, I have some serious issues, just ask Liz! My little sister had some hard times with me when we were younger. But, I know I can count with her support, no matter what. And, I don't care about what is going on with you and your siblings and all this crazy shit with different timelines. As long as you're here, we want to help you in any way we can. I mean, if you want us to, of course."

Klaus looked at both of them, Liz was still kneeling on the side of the couch, a small smile showing in her face before standing up to hug him followed by her brother and Klaus let his arms hold both of them. Maybe they could be the ones to help him. Maybe that other Klaus could understand his pain and Liz would try to help him like she tried to help her brother. Could they really help him? Perhaps, that was the only way to find out.

[dontgotothenetherworld]

Could you possibly do a lydia x reader where the reader has an anger outburst and ends up just silently crying as Lydia patiently and lovingly comforts them, please?

comfort

major thank you to @why-fren for letting me bounce some ideas off of you :)

it’ll take me a while to get to the part that anon requested, so hang in there buddies.

also hang in there bc this is very angsty! way way way more angsty than i usually write!

1245 words

cw: femreader. sexual assault. violence.

you always thought of yourself as a strong person. you figured that if someone tried to do something to you, you’d be able to make them stop. you thought you’d turn the tables, that the person who was trying to make you feel powerless would feel powerless themselves. you thought you’d at least say something.

you were walking through the hallways one day. alone, because your girlfriend lydia’s class was on the opposite side of the building, and it’d be a waste of time for either of you to walk the other to class.

you had decided to go down a different hall than you normally did, because someone had released a stink bomb in the usual hallway. that’s when you saw him.

he was a perfectly average looking guy, someone who you probably wouldn’t be able to pick out in a crowd. he was walking with two of his other friends. you had never seen these guys before, and you weren’t able to place how old they looked. they could’ve been sophomores, like you, but they also could’ve been juniors, seniors, or, hell, even freshmen.

you weren’t trying to listen to their conversation, you had your earbuds in, trying to drown out all the noise in the hallway, but you did overhear them say something about snowflakes. they didn’t look like the kind of guys who would awe over natural beauties, so you began to feel uneasy.

he and his friends were walking in the opposite direction as you. as they were approaching, they were also minimizing the amount of space you had to walk in before running into a locker. he was walking closest to you.

you didn’t even register him reaching out his hand. all you knew was that this stranger’s hand was on your boob.

you didn’t slap him, he moved his hand to quickly for that. you didn’t yell at him, you were to stunned for that. and they laughed at you. the three boys laughed as they walked away.

no one did anything or said anything. the girl across the hallway who had been looking in your direction looked away. the teachers standing in front of their doors got quiet as you passed them. a few of the boys pointed you out and chuckled.

but that was it. you kept walking to world history, trying to pretend nothing had happened. 

but everything had happened.

a week later, you and lydia were having a study date at lydia’s house. you hadn’t told anyone about what happened to you in the hallway.

you explained the empirical formula to lydia again, growing frustrated that she wasn’t getting it. it’s not that hard of a concept to understand, why didn’t she understand it by now? you had explained it a million different ways!

lydia pulled up a youtube video. she was able to understand it then.

lydia finished her chemistry homework, and you worked on the math packet that your teacher said was being graded for completion tomorrow. there was fifty problems.

the two of you sat in an uncomfortable silence.

you didn’t say anything else to her for the rest of the evening. you were scared to.

when you finally finished the packet, you kissed lydia on the cheek and left.

you cried on your way home. you had been crying everyday recently, but you had usually been able to keep it in until you were safely up in your room.

but it’s fine, you just avoided your parents so they didn’t have to see you.

lydia texted you, “are you okay. you’ve seen a bit off lately.”

you softly closed your door and sighed gratefully. your fingers hovered over your keyboard. should you be honest or just keep it all in?

you tugged your shoes off and nestled yourself into bed before you began typing. you explained all the details you could remember, and how helpless you had felt ever since.

lydia, with beetlejuice over her shoulder (not that you knew that at the time), pried for more details of what the boy looked like.

she was eventually able to figure out that he was named cameron rush and he was a junior.

since you didn’t want to face time or call, lydia tried to comfort you by telling you how powerful you are, and sending you pictures of cute dogs.

that night, when you fell asleep, beetlejuice went out. the name cameron rush was enough for him to figure out where he lived.

beetlejuice creeped into the boy’s room. he was playing some multiplayer video game. the friends he had been walking with that day were on call. they heard their friend being ruthlessly pummeled. they heard the obscenities being fired at their friend. they called the police.

cameron was hurried to the hospital, as soon as the ambulance arrived. but beetlejuice had long since disappeared, and even if cameron were in a state where he could describe what the demon looked like, no one would believe him.

cameron rush suffered three broken ribs, a broken arm, a broken nose, and a severe concussion, not to mention the multiple bruises and gashes covering his body. if the police had not arrived, beetlejuice probably would’ve murdered this kid.

you were back at lydia’s house when you found out exactly what happened. plenty of kids knew about cameron’s beating at school that day, but you tried not to think much of it.

you were in the living room, mostly just wasting time, when you mentioned it to lydia. she had heard the rumors too, “i mean, you can’t say he doesn’t deserve it.”

”he nearly died, lydia! what he did was horrible, but that does not mean he deserved to be beat up!”

lydia caught beetlejuice, hovering over an armchair, looking suspicious. “beej, what do you know.”

beetlejuice fled. you and lydia chased after him, the more he ran, the deeper the pit in your stomach grew.

you knew it was him. there was no other explanation. but it couldn’t be.

lydia cornered him. “what did you do, beetlejuice?” she said menacingly.

beetlejuice looked at the ground. tears began making their way down his dirty cheeks. “i was just trying to protect my friend.” he said in a whisper. “i didn’t want him to be able to hurt y/n ever again. and i guess… i guess i got a little carried away.”

”a little carried away??? beetlejuice, cameron almost died! he nearly died because of you!” you screamed. “i was fine, i didn’t need you to save me or whatever the fuck you thought you were doing!” you began to stutter, “y-you ruined! you ruined his life! you probably ruined his life bee-beetlejuice!”

your vision blurred and icy hot tears streaked down your face. you shouted more of the same things over again at beetlejuice.

lydia tried to get you to stop. she couldn’t stand it anymore. she led you up to her room and shut the door.

you collapsed against her bed, just sobbing.

lydia picked your upper body up, and layed you in her lap. she sat, with silent tears emerging, holding you close to her. she drew circles on your arm with her finger until you calmed down.

and you took your time to calm down. you sobbed and sobbed, occasionally muttering why what beetlejuice did was wrong. you didn’t know how much time had passed, just that lydia had been there for you for all of it.

@meangirlsx @meangirlmurphy @eliza-is-confused @boredomimi @book–butterfly

[essieeeeeeeee]

For the I wish you would write a fic where... post I’ve got non angsty: Deckard or Hattie or Owen or Luke or all of them chaperone Sam’s class field trip Or angsty: Deckard comes home bruised and broken after a mission gone horribly wrong and Luke takes care of him

I’m already working on a one-shot for the second one, so here’s a little fill for the first. I had to cut it off, because it was getting way too long, so sorry if the ending seems a little stilted, lmao. Thanks for the prompt!

———————

Shaw nearly fumbles the burning hot frying pan when Sam first asks the question. He’s an international spy with reflexes that rival a cat’s, though, so instead of dropping the pan and splattering pancake batter across Hobbs’ kitchen, he pauses.

And slowly, incredulously, turns to look at the kid.

“… come again?” he asks, and Shaw can feel the way his face is twisted in a moue of disbelief. He tones the expression down just a touch, though, as Sam glances away and fiddles timidly with the pen in her hand.

“We’re supposed to go on a field trip next week. My class, I mean. To the San Diego zoo.” She scuffs her foot against the ground, eyes still firmly Not Looking at Deckard. It’d be endearing, if the subject matter wasn’t so baffling. The next part falls out of her mouth in a rush. “And I’ve never been there before, and I’ve always wanted to go, but Dad’s usually pretty busy, so we’ve never had the chance, so I was really excited about the field trip, but Mr. Brougher said there’s not enough parents signed up yet, and that if we don’t get at least three more adults to chaperone by the end of today then–then–”

Her shoulders hunch in. It’s almost painful seeing it. Shaw feels guilty just witnessing the sight.

“… then he’s gonna cancel the trip,” she finishes quietly.

Silence follows her monologue. Neither of them try to fill it–Sam, because she’s too absorbed in staring at the floor, spinning the pen round and round her little fingers in skittish habit, and Deckard because he’s too busy choking on his own tongue in surprise to say a word.

The butter from the pan decides to fill it for them, apparently, as it hiss-pops and bubbles, and splashes a few drops on his hand. Shaw cuts off his own hiss of pain from the burn of it, and turns back to the stove; the motion is half to distract from the alarming subject of conversation, and half to prevent the food from burning.

“… are those pancakes?” Sam asks behind him, shuffling closer to glance curiously at the pan. Apparently, the sight of food was a sure-fire way to tempt the kiddo out of her little bout of nervousness.

Apples and trees, Shaw thinks, the corner of his mouth ticking up somewhat before he has a chance to smooth it over.

“Pull out a plate and the syrup, and I’ll get you some before your bus gets here.”

Sam skips over to the cabinets to do as told, and Shaw takes the moment to wonder how the hell he ended up here: Hobbs’ kitchen, cooking pancakes for a child, being asked to babysit schoolchildren.

He’s a mercenary. An ex-special ops assassin. A cold-blooded, red-handed, rap-sheet-bigger-than-Luke-Hobbs’-biceps murderer.

He’s not some–some fucking nanny.

So what if he occasionally shows up at the Hobbs homestead post-mission, bruised and scraped and in need of a place to sleep and lick his wounds where he doesn’t need to keep one eye open in paranoia? If he occasionally stays a few days here and there, bickering and bitching the time away with the lawman; if from time to time he glances over Samantha’s shoulder while grabbing a glass of water from the fridge, and absently tosses out advice and corrections for her assignments. If sometimes the two of them even manage to coax Shaw to the dining table for meals, like he’s some stray cat that’s grudgingly wandered into their home. 

And so what if maybe, occasionally, when Sam is away at Hobbs’ sister’s or a friend’s home, and the house is otherwise quiet and empty–if he lets the bickering turn into something else. Lets Hobbs slam him up against a wall or a counter or the fucking dining room table, any flat sturdy surface that can take the roughousing. If, maybe, he lets Hobbs do things to him he wouldn’t otherwise permit.

So fucking what?

It’s not like any of that makes him the kid’s step-mother.

“You’re burning them,” Sam points out absentmindedly. Shaw glances down at the pan in his hand, and lo-and-behold, the flat little pastry was starting to char around the edges. He scowls, and flips the pancake onto its other side with a quick flick of his wrist.

Still looks salvageable, at least.

He stops to process that thought for a moment, and–Deckard doesn’t even like pancakes. 

Why was he making pancakes?

“Can you make one shaped like a star?” Sam asks cheerfully from her stool at the kitchen counter, scribbling in her glitter-pink notebook. “Dad’s really good at making shapes.”

And Shaw, because he wasn’t about to let Luke fucking Hobbs upstage him in anything, acquiesces. He shapes the runny batter into something that resembles a lopsided star, perhaps, if you happen to squint and spin around three times before peeking at it sideways.

Shaw stares at it for a moment. And then, briefly, glances back and forth between the pan, with it’s demented star-cake starting to brown, and the little girl next to him, still happily absorbed in her drawing. Realization builds in his chest like dread.

… Jesus Christ.

He was being domesticated.

“So, can you?”

Samantha peers up at him with big, brown, apprehensive eyes, and bites her lip as though worried about the answer. It takes Shaw a moment to remember what exactly the question had even been.

Ah. Yes. The… field trip.

No, he wants to say, blunt and brutally honest. No chance in all the realms of hell was he about to chaperone a bus full of screaming niblets. The concept was–completely barking, really. Hattie would certainly get a laugh out of it, if she had even an inkling that the idea was put out on the table.

But the kid looks half-way to hiding herself under her own hair again, and even Shaw isn’t heartless enough to ignore that. “Probably not a good idea,” he says instead, slowly, to take any bite out of it. He flips the pancake over to avoid having to look at the disappointment he just knows is on the little bit’s face at his answer. “You even ask your dad yet?”

“He said he doesn’t get home from his next trip until two days after,” she answers, and even without looking at her Shaw can still hear the dejection in her voice. He winces. God, he’s such a bastard.

Really, though, that’s all the better reason for him not to be around a group of young and impressionable children.

“You know if your dad ain’t gonna be here, I won’t be either, don’t you?” he asks, still beating around the bush. Shaw doesn’t really want to face the music and put that defeated look in her big bambi eyes.

Stall, he thinks. When was the fucking bus getting here?

“But he’s only going to be gone for a couple days! And if you watch me, then Aunt Lisa won’t have to cancel her beach trip next week. It’s perfect.”

The kid really had it planned out, didn’t she? Sneaky little bugger.

He wasn’t about to fall for it, though. And if she really thought her father, of all people, would willingly leave his nine year old daughter in the hands of Deckard Shaw, then the kid was only deluding herself.

“I don’t think it’s gonna…”

Work like that, he wants to say, but her pouting face makes him hesitate. Goddamn big brown bambi eyes, he thinks, and tries to steel himself to finish the sentence–

“Please, Uncle Deck?”

… aw, fuck.

Shaw rubs a hand across his face, and swallows down the bitter taste of defeat with as much grace as he can muster.

“Your dad ain’t gonna let me watch you, kid,” he says. Sam’s face starts to fall, but it perks back up instantly as he finishes it with, “but I can… chaperone. Your trip.”

The cheer Sam makes gets muffled into his stomach as she flings herself at him, and Shaw catches her in alarm. He’s not quite sure what to do with his hands as the nine year old wraps her own arms around his waist in a hug that was tighter than he’d expect from someone her size.

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you–” she babbles delightedly. Deckard decides patting her head is probably safe enough, and does so awkwardly until she lets go, humming, and dances back to her seat.

The next few minutes pass in a blur of serving the kid breakfast, with a background chatter of Sam rambling about a social studies project that was due in two weeks. Shaw can’t really say he’s paying much attention, though; the cringing dread welling up in him was too distracting.

By the time Sam grabs her bookbag and darts in to steal another quick hug before rushing off for the bus that was idling out front of the house, Shaw’s regretting every decision that ever lead him to Luke Hobbs’ doorstep.

A chaperone. For a fourth grade field trip.

It may have only been seven thirty in the morning, but Christ, he really needed some alcohol.

[thelastranger]

Au where Ferris kills Halt, Caitlyn becomes a ranger, and Sean can see ghosts

This is my take on it, but @rangerpippin had a SPECTACULAR take on the idea in the discord so check that out if you haven't already

(It sounds angsty but it is wholesome, I promise)

Au where Ferris manages to kill Halt in the river, but Halt comes back as a ghost and haunts Ferris. Ferris is the only one who can see and hear Halt (that they know of). Halt can't interact with the world but he can talk and float around. He really wishes he could move things, but he'll work with what he's got.

In this universe, Caitlyn fears for her life and flees to Araluen with the help of her boyfriend, Michael. She and Michael meet Crowley and the three of them hit it off instantly. Caitlyn and Pauline become best friends. Caitlyn at first feels bittersweet about being friends with Crowley because he's exactly the type of person who Halt would get along famously with.

Ferris never tried to kill Caitlyn but she felt threatened by him and she couldn't stand to be in the palace with him.

While Caitlyn didn't do as much training as her brothers in the royal court yard, she was expertly trained in archery and had more freedom to sneak around in the woods. Ferris and Halt were trained in swordplay.

As she and Michael are fleeing, they meet Pritchard who helps them across the ocean and teaches Caitlyn everything she needs to know. Michael watches in awe and practices his sword fighting. He hopes that someone will hire him as a knight in Araluen. What he doesn't know is that he will become one of the most respected knights in Araluen and help teach the next generation of knights, including a young ward from Redmont.

Ferris killed Halt before he could start training with Pritchard. A month and a half later, Caitlyn leaves. Ferris doesn't send out large search parties to find her but Halt searches tirelessly, trying to find Caitlyn or even a hint of where she went. This is hindered by the fact he can't really go to many places.

Ghost powers develop slowly and they gain more powers over time. So Halt is initially only able to be around Ferris, but as the years go by he can move throughout the castle, Dun Kilty, Clonmel, and Hibernia. It’s only after a decade that Halt tries to cross the ocean to Araluen.

Halt doesn't appear as a ghost immediately. He spends a few days in the dark and sees some visions, the best including a red headed man laughing with a stunning blonde woman, his friend Michael with the red haired man and someone who looked like... Caitlyn shooting arrows against horrible bear monsters. He’s not sure what to make of these scenes. More importantly, Halt meets a kindly old man before Halt realizes he's a ghost. Halt thinks that he is still alive. They chat and Halt is comforted. As they part, the man expresses his regret that he never got to teach Halt. At this moment Halt realizes that he didn't ask the man his name and the man smiles in a bittersweet way and says "Pritchard." Pritchard isn't a ghost but he's always been able to seem certain ghosts and sort of guide them. Halt realizes that he is a ghost and decides to haunt Ferris.

Ghost Halt generally bugs Ferris and drags him all while commenting on his murderous tendencies and how he doesn't have anyone to support him in the family. Ferris gets so upset during meetings but sometimes Halt genuinely has good ideas so Ferris starts to begrudgingly listen to Halt occasionally. Halt also tries to pull a bunch of prank but it stinks that he can't move anything.

Halt finds it darkly funny that Ferris killed him to become king but Halt is still making decisions.

Eventually the brothers get fed up with each other and they have a screaming match that dissolves into an actual conversation. This is the first real conversation the brothers have had without copious amounts of insults. Ferris deeply regrets his actions and Halt kind of forgives him. To a certain extent though. His brother did kill him after all.

Some people low key think Ferris is crazy after this because he sometimes would be caught talking to the air. Halt finds it hilarious.

Early on in his rule, there was an attempt to get Ferris off the throne. Halt finds out about it and tells Ferris who stops it. When Ferris asks why Halt stopped it, Halt goes "You're the only person who talks to me dummy. And despite the fact that you murdered me, I don't mind it." It may be short and brusque but it's the nicest thing someone's told Ferris in a while and it marks a real turning point in the brothers relationship.

Years go by and Halt still can't interact with anyone besides Ferris and he's never tried to leave the general bounds of Clonmel. Caitlyn never contacts Ferris and both brothers want to know where she is because they are curious and Ferris wants to apologize to her and Michael. They have no idea they have a nephew.

Halt leaves Clonmel for the first time and drifts across the ocean much faster than he expected. Something is drawing him to Araluen. He lands in a part of Araluen, about a few days ride from Redmont, where Crowley just happens to be visiting. Halt recognizes Crowley as the red headed man from his visions. He also feels a connection to the man. He follows Crowley and eventually ends up finding Caitlyn and her family. Caitlyn and Michael can't see him but it seems like Caitlyn's son, Sean, can. Halt is shocked to find out that he has a nephew and saddened that he will never get to meet him. But Sean can see him.

Ghost Halt visits when Sean is 8 and Sean sees a man who kind of looks like his mother in the cabin and he figures that the man is there for the fabled ranger Caitlyn. Caitlyn isn't home right now and Michael is in the house and the man seems kind of overwhelmed with emotion. The strange man doesn't wait for Sean's mama but instead tells Sean to tell his mom to visit her brother in Clonmel. There were things that needed to be said. Halt sees Caitlyn coming back to the house, laughing with Gilan, and knows he has to leave before Sean asks why he isn’t talking to his mother. Halt bids Sean goodbye and floats away when he isn’t looking. Watching from a tree, Halt sees his sister and misses her deeply.

Sean tells Caitlyn this and she is shocked. She hasn't told anyone that she had a brother. Michael knows and that's it. Sean didn't even know he had an uncle. She's suspicious and even more so when Sean says the man kind of looked like her. Caitlyn thinks Ferris is tracking her down and she has no intention of talking to him ever again. She warns Sean not to talk to strangers and tries to put the incident behind her.

Ferris and Halt are disappointed when Caitlyn doesn't come to Clonmel and so a year or two later, Halt goes back to visit.

Sean is feeling conflicted about the new apprentice because Will is cool but he also spends a lot of time with their family and Sean isn't sure if he likes that or not. Halt talks to him about it and Sean feels better.

Ferris and Halt really want Caitlyn to visit them and to bring Sean so Ferris tries to subtly get Araluen to send a ranger or a knight with diplomatic ties to Clonmel. He hopes that Caitlyn wouldn't disobey a royal order. He greatly misjudged Caitlyn's character.

It's the first, but not the last, time Caitlyn has a shouting match with King Duncan. He knows she is from Hibernia but she refuses to go back. In the end, after much fighting and compromises, Michael ends up going back. Caitlyn has a lot of conditions like he has to grow a beard and dye his hair and play up his Araluen accent. He honestly looks ridiculous. She's pretty sure that Ferris wouldn't remember her boyfriend from over a decade ago. And normally, she would be right. But thanks to Halt, Ferris knows who Michael is.

Ferris really wants to befriend Michael enough to get him to bring Sean and Caitlyn over or possibly slip Michael a note to take to Caitlyn, but Halt cautions against it.

Ferris gives Michael a note anyway and Caitlyn finds it. She sees that it's from Ferris and she is about to burn it when she sees a phrase that Halt only said to her. Ferris had no idea what it was. This gives her pause but not enough that she doesn't burn the note.

Ferris and Halt keep trying for several more years. Halt at this point has slightly grown into his ghostly powers or whatever they really are and can move certain objects like an inch at a time. Halt also keeps visiting Sean who has grown into a fine young man who is very interested in the diplomatic arts much to the chagrin of his mother and father. They support him anyway. Plus, he has his father's last name so there's that added protection. He seems like any other Araluen citizens except for there's a twinge of Hibernian in his words.

All four of them ride into Dun Kilty and Sean presents his diplomatic papers and Caitlyn is emanating anger. They go to the throne room and find it devoid of people except for King Ferris. He looks at them and smiles... until Caitlyn comes up and give him a punch to the face. She's tired of hiding and all the constant attempts at futile contact. She wants peace and for Ferris to stop being such an idiot. She honestly hadn't expected him to last so long in power.

Ferris accepts the punch, a bit confused because he assumed that Caitlyn was ready to talk. She really isn't and he starts babbling about how he was so sorry and how he has changed and how Halt had forgiven him until he realizes that there are other people in the room and that Caitlyn is so confused.

Ferris clears his throat and asks if they could clear the room. Caitlyn refuses and says something like so you can kill me without any witnesses? Ferris winces but he kinda deserved that one. "Whatever you have to say can be said to these men as well. By the way, Sean is your nephew you scumbag." Caitlyn figured that Ferris would be a little more shocked but he seems to take it in stride.

Sean, by the way, is freaking out because the mysterious man who visited frequently over the years who called himself Arratay is right there on the throne (Halt isn't in the room yet) but King Ferris, who is apparently his uncle, could not have been the man.

Ferris starts to tell everyone about how Halt is a ghost and Caitlyn scoffs and tries to leave until the door to the throne room opens an inch and Sean sees his old friend walk in, looking exactly like King Ferris. The door scares everyone, but Caitlyn is not convinced. She thinks it's a trick.

Ferris explains the best he can and Sean to the surprise of everyone also jumps in with an explanation. Caitlyn is still skeptical until Halt pushes a piece of paper to Sean and tells him to write down what he says. Halt tells Caitlyn everything that happened and tells her the last words they ever spoke to each other, something Sean would never know.

Caitlyn bursts into tears and scans the room. She swears she can feel Halt when he goes to hug her. Ferris apologizes for killing Halt and forcing her away and she forgives him (but fully reserves the right to roast him mercilessly)

Will and Horace are flabbergasted that there was so much drama with the O'Carrick family and the fact that Sean and apparently Ferris can see ghosts.

Ferris can really only see Halt and for that he is grateful. He doesn't think he could deal with more than one ghost haunting him and roasting him over his fashion choices. That's one of the few things he and Halt don't agree on. Sean, on the other hand, is different. Sean can see Halt clearly and can sometimes see other ghosts fairly clearly but he doesn't know that they are ghosts and often they don't either.

Caitlyn does fall sick with turberculosis several years before meeting up with Ferris for the first time in decades and it almost kills her. Luckily, thanks to the work of Malcolm and several other healers, she was able to pull through. Michael is still hyper concerned whenever she gets so as much as a cold.

Caitlyn in this universe is fiercely protective of herself and her family. She would like to leave almost every part of her past behind except for when she tells Sean about the beauty of Hibernia and his smile lights up his face. Unlike Halt, Caitlyn never snuck into Clonmel to check up on things. She wants to put everything about Hibernia (except for Halt) in a tiny portion of her brain where she never has to think about Ferris again. Caitlyn is very blunt and tells things like it is. She suffers no fools and has a bit of a temper. Almost too competent.

Michael is the milder of the pair. Which, compared to Caitlyn, is not saying much. Despite this, Michael is normally a very mild mannered man who is down for an adventure at any time just as much as he is willing to stay home and rest. Close friends with Sir Rodney and Baron Arald, Michael is first a very willing student at Battleschool and then an enthusiastic teacher. Super devoted to Caitlyn. He is surprisingly petty, but will deny it to his last breath. If Ferris gets a lot of mail that just so happens to insult him in lots of different languages, well, Michael has no idea about that. (His apprentices at battle school are more than willing to write down the worst insults they know in all their languages for their kind instructor)

For the first year or so, Ferris is a horrible king and person. He starts to feel very guilty for killing Halt and for driving Caitlyn away. Halt’s constant comments on these topics help drive these feelings and Ferris changes. He isn’t well loved but people agree that there have been worse kings than him and he does a fair job all things considered. By the time Caitlyn comes back to Clonmel, it’s been twenty five years and he’s been trying to get in touch with her for seventeen years. Ferris just wants reconciliation with his sister and to give Halt some closure. Ferris steadily ignored Halt for the first month since Halt hadn’t gotten a hold of talking yet and Ferris did not tell Caitlyn about how he was seeing Halt’s ghost constantly.

Halt is still the sarcastic, witty, and grumpy man we all know and love. He’s just not a ranger and is a ghost. Halt sticks around Ferris to both roast him constantly (this is a recurring theme) and to guide him because honestly, Ferris needed some guidance. Really wants Caitlyn to come back so he can actually talk to her and for Ferris to get over everything. He wishes that he could live his own life but he makes do with what he has. Pesters Ferris to go into the woods more during the first few years so he can be in nature more.

Sean: Caitlyn and Michael’s son, five years younger than Will. Sean was raised by both a ranger and a knight so while he has a very strict moral code and a strong sense of ethics, he’s willing to break just about any rule or code in order to do good. One of the reasons he became a diplomat (and studied intensively with the couriers) was he wanted to feel more connected to Hibernia where both of his parents are from, but rarely talk about. Preferring to talk things out, Sean can still pack a punch and swing a sword. He's the future king of Clonmel. Feels a connection to Halt even though he doesn't know who he really is. Full time diplomat, part time ghost whisperer.

Caitlyn trains Will and Gilan. The pair lived with the O'Carrick-Reid family. Sean takes the last name Reid and his middle name is O’Carrick. Caitlyn will occasionally give Alyss tips on diplomacy and Alyss is always curious about how the Hibernian ranger knows so much about diplomacy concerning royalty.

Pauline definitely knows about the O’Carrick secret.

(I thought it was only fair that Caitlyn got to be a ranger too in an au)

[b-rainlet]

You made me ship Lunya T.T but as a Allison stan this kind made me ship her with Diego... headcanon about the neglected couples? :O

Tbh, there are a lot of ship possibilities that could be seen as neglected couples since there are 7 main people who could be thrust into about 21 ship dynamics - not counting poly ships and not counting ships that aren’t sibling ships - like Klave or Vanya/Helen or even still incest stuff like Gracexthe sibs.

So you see, endless possibilities but there are only about 4 ships who are really popular? Klave, Kliego, Fiveya...maybe Horrance? And even then, most Horrance or Fiveya shippers still see their ship as a rarepair because compared to Klave or Kliego it more or less is.

Which may have to do with the fact that if you’re an anti but wanna ship something you have pretty limited options, so Klave it is.

So you probably want some Allison/Diego hcs but I’m gonna do a little more because Allison is less popular in general so her ships are not that often talked about.

I’ll leave out Alluther because I did some OTP asks about them, but y’all know I ship them because it’s the sweet story of childhood sweethearts meeting again and falling in love all over again and it’s just...*sighs dreamily* lots of possibilities.

Allison/Diego: A fun ship! At first you’d probably say: ‘We have a pretty much functional adult with a child and a guy who eats raw eggs to seem edgy’ so it’s easy to fall into a Hermione/Ron relationship interpretation where you have a dumbass and someone done with their shit - and I can see it being like that occasionally but not always!

When I think about them I mostly think about teasing. They totally do some competitive shit just because they wanna best each other but where that same dynamic could quickly turn into arguments for Luego I can see it staying mostly light-hearted with Allison/Diego.

(Quick question, do they have a ship name? Asking for tagging purposes).

And Allison would take none of Diego’s shit. Oh, Diego has one of his mood swings and tries to be an emo boy and pull that ‘I don’t need anyone shit’? Boy, Allison is a single mother who’s been through a divorce already, she doesn’t have time for your angst.

Lmao, Allison being like: “We’ll sit down and talk about our feelings now” after a fight and Diego complains the whole time but sits down like a good boy.

Also, Allison would do the vigilante thing from time to time because she may pretend to be an adult and above that kinda stuff but it’s fun and they definitely argue over who took out more people.

Give me that power couple pls.

Allison/Klaus: One of my favourite ships! Can be real whole-hearted or angsty depending on the angle you take.

Like, Allison who keeps busting Klaus out of prison with her status and her rumours and who pays for his rehab stay every single time, at first still telling him that she’s gonna fix him with that Hollywood ‘You can do it’ attitude - slowly getting more and more annoyed by her no-good brother, feeling like a babysitter - maybe even refusing to keep indulging his brother, to keep giving him money he’s only gonna use on drugs anyway.

And Klaus who despises Allison’s glamour lifestyle, her polished image and her nuclear family - we could even throw some biphobia in there because Klaus remembers their talks about how pretty girls are but Allison pretends that never happened because it wouldn’t do her career much good. (Just like being seen with her junkie brother, “isn’t that why we can’t meet anywhere that isn’t a back alley? Why you can’t talk to me without sunglasses and a hat? Why you keep your voice down even when I scream at you?”)

Plus, some added angst: Patrick telling Allison to just drop her brother already, he’s just gonna self-destruct and take her with him and that creates tension between the two of them, could even be one of the many reasons for their divorce.

And just like that, Allison loses all of it. And Klaus is there with a cheap bottle of Tequila, already high and grinning at her: “Welcome at the bottom, sister dearest!”

*insert the 30k story about the two of them slowly learning to understand each other and finally being able to heal - with the help from the other but also because they wanna change for themselves. I vote for added bed sharing and sleepovers and them doing each other’s nails but also them fucking once and not talking about it because they were both really hurt and not really thinking when it happened but it staying in the back of their minds until they realize that they could actually work together*

This got angstier than it was supposed to be, sorry! I love them, I swear!

Allison/Five: Probably the least popular one out of all the Allison ships!

I have to admit that I don’t think about Five ships much? Which probably has to do with the whole child body thing but I’m not opposed to ships involving them! (Especially when they’re enby, y’all know my brand).

Allison/Five would be that kinda snob couple who knows they are superior to you and they’re not above showing you. Lots of quibs, lots of sarcasm.

But also probably one of the more mature ones? I can see Allison being unsure at first because Five is- no, looks like a kid and who knows when that will get fixed? And maybe it’s because she’s a Mum but sometimes she just treats them like a child and Five hates it.

(Five probably has to do a lot of courting before Allison considers a relationship. Which is bullshit. They both know there’s tension there, why the fuck is Allison drawing back from that? Just because Five’s trapped in this body? Does Allison think they want that?)

Five aggressively flirting while Allison to herself is like: ‘Hoe, don’t do it.’ but eventually giving in.

And of course, depending on your take of Five’s body, things are gonna be weird. Like, a popular hc is to have Five in a 20ish body but even then, just imagine the headlines.

Allison Hargreeves, world star, dating a guy 10 years younger!!! Is she getting over her divorce with a boy toy?

(Not to mention the pseudo-incest part).

They’d get a lot of shit I’d say.

And Five would be furious about that. How dare they imply that their relationship with Allison is just some fling? They’ll show them. So they make a game out of proving the paparazzi wrong. Makes it their mission to treat Allison as right as possible.

(Also I have feelings about the whole Five - Claire - Allison thing. I mean, just Five mentioning wanting to meet Claire? Knowing her name? I am soft).

And I know I am rambling a little but whether you think Patrick was/is a nice guy or not (I personally think he is), I can see Allison being so obsessed with seeming flawless and having the picture perfect family - as opposed to her own family - that she felt like she could never really be herself? Like she had to hide a lot of her more ‘ugly’ sides to be desirable.

And Five doesn’t care about that shit. Five also doesn’t care about courtesy. Five will jump into her room at the beginning of their relationship, watch her scramble around to try and change into something nicer than her pajamas and apologize for her messy hair and her pimples- “I just woke up, I didn’t have time to put on my make up, can’t you come back later Five?”

And Five’s like: “You look like someone who just woke up. Your hair is sweaty and you have a pretty big pimple on your nose. Also, your morning breath is horrible. Can we cuddle now?”

(Five is the first partner Allison burps in front of. It’s pretty freeing).

Five on the other hand has someone they can be insecure in front of. Where they don’t have to pretend they know all the answers. Be dismissive with. (They’re trying to let all of their siblings in but it’s a process, okay?)

I’m sorry, I’ll stop now but I gave myself feelings.

Allison/Ben: This feels like an easier couple. Like, more normal, lmao. Just a couple of adopted sibs falling in love the old-fashioned way - after one of them gets brought back to live and they survive a near apocalypse their sister caused.

I like to spin some tale of being in love as kids (like with Alluther) but for me the two of them really work better as just being friends as kids and then once Ben comes back, Allison realizes how much she missed him and she’s like “What is this???? Am I....crushing on him??” (imagine the Beauty and the Beast song where they realise they like each other while playing in the snow).

Just...some good and nice slowburn. Maybe some added angst with Ben thinking Allison is confusing her relieve of him being alive with being in love or believes she’s looking for a rebound after her divorce.

Or maybe he believes he’s just touch-starved and that’s why he clings to Allison?

(Imagine the two of them chilling at the mansion together, just picking up where they left off, pretending to still be kids. Allison all excitedly showing Ben what he’s missed during all those years and what he only gets to experience now - let’s be honest this mostly boils down to Allison making him eat a bunch of stuff, not even waiting until he takes a bite himself but just putting it in his mouth because she wants to see whether he likes it).

(I hc that Allison can’t cook for shit but Ben has no real frame of reference unless you count blurry memories of what food used to taste like so it’s heaven to him and Allison is giddy).

They’re just cute, okay?

Allison/Vanya: ANGST. GAY ANGST. I mean, the guilt over what happened, Allison feeling like it’s her fault and treating Vanya all nice but Vanya stilll flinches everytime she sees the angry red scar across Allison’s throat. Plus, if Allison still can’t speak and will never speak again and Vanya tries her hardest to learn ASL with her so she doesn’t have to write down everything all the time.

Young Allison/Vanya with Vanya realising she’s queer and sneaking glances at Allison and immediately feeling guilty because she shouldn’t be looking, it’s wrong and dirty and Allison will hate her and-

Whereas she is completely missing the way Allison is looking back.

Also this ship can easily turn toxic with either of them - or both - getting overbearing after all that happened. And tbh, that’s just as exciting to write/think about.

That’s all I got for now but you’re welcome to talk more Allison/Allison ships with me!

[starsandsupernovae]

Too Late part II

okay so here it is part 2/3 of the angsty superfamily fic thing. part one is here and you can read on my AO3 here

Warnings: This is angst. Pure angst. 

Steve paced back and forth desperately, wanting to punch something, wanting to yell, wanting to get some news, wanting to see his son, wanting his husband to be there with him. The rest of his team was there as well, the rest of his family. They had been here an hour now, an hour since the fight, an hour since Peter had fallen, screaming, and then terribly, horribly silent on the ground. He hadn’t been there but he could picture it, every second of it. He should have been there, should have been fighting with him, but it was just supposed to be a tiny no-name villain, it was never supposed to have happened like this. He should’ve been there, he realized. If he had been there this wouldn’t have happened.

“I should have been there,” he muttered under his breath. Of course, in a room full of people with enhanced senses everything he said was heard. Bucky got up from where he had been sitting with Natasha, approaching him gently.

“Steve?”

Steve turned his face to Bucky a tortured expression painted on it.

“I should have been there, Buck. I could have prevented this. I should have been there.”

“It’s not your fault, Steve. Okay? Peter’ll be fine.” Bucky spoke comfortingly, hoping upon hope that he wasn’t lying. “Tony’s going to come, and the two of you are going to take Peter home, and you’ll all be fine.

“But what if he isn’t? What if this time he’s not okay? What if this time he doesn’t wake up?”

Bucky stood at a loss for words, what could he say? More empty assurances? It felt wrong to stand there making promises he couldn’t keep.

“What if Tony doesn’t come in time? What if Tony arrives and it’s too late?” Steve increased his pace as walked back and forth, before stopping abruptly, jerking to a halt, as the doctor came out to see him.

“Captain Rogers.”

“Doctor?”

“We’ve finished operating.”

“Is he-?”

“He’s alive now, but in critical condition. We’re not sure how long he has left.”

“Can I see him?”

The doctor nodded. “Only immediate family. Follow me.”

Steve followed him immediately walking down the halls towards Peter’s room.

“Captain..” the doctor seemed hesitant to speak.

“Yes?”

“Is your husband…Will he be coming?”

“He’s on his way,” Steve answered tightly, dreading the doctor’s next words.

“I’d, uh, just, um, I’d tell him to hurry.”

——————————

“Mr. Stark?” the attendant asked gently. “You can call now.”

It took Tony only a second to have his starkpad out and calling Steve. He picked up within another minute and Tony was able to see him against the background of the hospital room.

“Steve.” He choked the name out.

“Tony,” Steve responded, clinging to his own name like a lifeline.

“Are you with him?”

Tony saw Steve look away from his phone down onto what must have been the bed in front of him.

“Yeah. They said he’ll probably wake up soon. If. If he wakes up.”

“Can I see him?”

Steve moved his phone so the camera was facing the bed. Tony took in the image of his son, pale, eyes closed, hooked up to so many machines, looking so small, and hurt, and wanted to reach out and hug him, wanted to be there with him.

As he watched, Peter’s eyes fluttered open and he spoke woozily, looking up at Steve.

“Dad?”

“Peter. Peter, hi. I’m here.” Steve answered, gently taking his hand.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I tried to stop him, but-”  Peter broke off trying to cough, struggling to draw air into his lungs.

“It’s okay. You did well. You did so well, Peter.”

Peter smiled a little, wincing at the movement.

“Is Papa here?”

And Tony wanted to cry, wanted to teleport over there, but he was stuck 10 hours and a million miles away.

“I’m on my way.” he forced his voice to remain as calm as possible. “I’m coming for you, alright? Just hang on. I’m coming.”

Peter’s face furrowed in almost childlike confusion.

“Can you come now? I want you here now. Please?”

“I’m coming as soon as I possibly can. It’s going to take me a while but I’m flying to you as fast as possible and I’m gonna be there.”

Peter nodded the tiniest bit, the movement sending pain shooting down his body and his fathers watched helplessly as his heartbeat shot up and he struggled to breathe.

“It hurts.” the sound, a pitiful moan slipped out of his mouth. “It hurts so much.”

Steve propped the phone up, rushing to get a doctor or a nurse who could administer some form of painkiller, leaving Tony to watch helplessly as a tear slipped out of Peter’s eye and down the side of his face.

“I know, sweetie, and we’re going to get you something to stop it hurting, okay? It’s going to stop hurting.”

“Papa,” Peter mumbled, half delirious from both the drugs and pain racing through his body. “I’m scared. I want you to come here, I don’t want to be alone.”

“I am, Peter. I am coming for you. I’m so sorry I’m not there now.”

“But you’ll be here soon?” and there was so much hope and want in Peter’s voice now.

“As soon as I can. It might be a little bit of a while, but I’m going to be there with you.”

He saw Steve coming back in with a nurse, moving in and out of the scope of the camera, in and out of Tony’s line of vision.

Peter smiled the tiniest bit.

“You’re going to fly home for me?”

“Yeah, kid. I’m gonna fly home for you.”

“Like for science. Remember?” Peter was even more incomprehensible now, his words slurring further as whatever extra painkillers he had been given took effect. “You flew home for me.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Tony replied.

“You were in Russia. I thought you were gonna miss it. And then-“

And then just as Peter was about to walk away from his own poster board with Steve to go see all the others the doors had opened, and he had entered, straight from the airport.

“Papa? I thought you were away!”

“You think I’d miss your science fair for some business meeting?” Tony smiled, ruffling his hair. “I flew home for you.”

“Your father wouldn’t have missed that for the world.” Steve had sat back down next to Peter and was gently holding his hand. “Remember when you showed him your project? He was so proud he forgot to be mad you were sneaking into his workshop to make it.”

“And you tried to be upset.” Peter smiled a tiny bit more, looking now at Steve. “And you were told me I wasn’t allowed in there and I should know that. But you kept asking me how I did it. And then Papa tried to tell DUM-E that I wasn’t allowed in.”

“He doesn’t listen to me, that bot.” Tony answered, trying to keep him talking. “He never did and he loves you too much to ever not try and help you with something. Remember that time you wanted to paint your room? And he decided to help?”

Peter tried to laugh and his fathers watched as he struggled to gasp and writhed with the pain the movement brought.

“Yeah.” he breathed out when he could. He squeezed Steve’s hand and the movement tore through Steve, the weakness of his son’s grip, normally strong enough to bend steel and now it was an effort to merely twitch his fingers hard enough to produce the slightest pressure.

“I’m tired.” Peter stared up at him, his wide brown eyes reaching Steve’s pleading for something, for respite from the pain, from the hurt and confusion that he was infused with. “If I go to sleep will you stay with me? Don’t leave me, okay? Stay here?”

Steve nodded, trying to remember how to speak, how to fight past the lump in his throat.

“Yeah. I’m right here. Not going anywhere, Pete, alright? You can sleep and I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Peter turned his face to the phone where Tony was watching him, trying desperately to keep his face free of the pain he was feeling, trying to be strong for his son.

“Don’t hang up? Stay also?” Words were evidently a struggle and Tony nodded before he had even finished.

“I’m not going anywhere but closer to you. I’m not going to hang up on you. Just rest okay? Rest so that you can wake up stronger.”

Peter’s eyes drooped closed then, his breathing still irregular but somehow smoothing just a little.

Steve turned to the phone.

“Tony-”

“I know.”

And it was evident on his face that he did, Tony’s face was a mirror of Steve’s own, the same pain and fear etched in now that Peter could no longer see them. Steve wanted nothing more then to reach out to him, to pull Tony close so they could support each other and fall onto each other as they always had. But now, at this moment, when they needed each other most, he was so far away.

“Who can I speak to?” Tony asked, grasping at whatever he could, the prospect of being able to help even across the world. “Let me speak to one of the doctors.”

Steve darted right out again to get one of the nurses asking who they could speak to. As usual, the Stark-Rogers name helped and Tony found himself talking to a doctor who was trying to tell him the impossible: that there was nothing more to do. Because there had to be something, there was always something, he couldn’t just sit her doing nothing. He spoke to various professionals for the next few hours always keeping a small video window open to the room where his son lay, his life draining away as his chest lifted and fell ever so slightly, his skin paler than snow. Steve remained in the room, occasionally speaking to Peter in his sleep.

“You’re going to be okay, Peter.” He grasped the hand he held ever so slightly tighter as he spoke. “You’re so strong, you just need to hold on for us. Hold on for your fathers. We need you, Peter. Your father and I love you so so much, and we need you with us.” Steve faltered, again words failing him. When he spoke again it was in whisper, “Please stay with us.”

Peter’s eyes opened again several hours later, gasping as he tried to register where he was. Steve could see the moment it all hit him, the moment the realization of where he was, of who was there and who was not, struck him.

“Dad? Is Papa here yet?”

Tony spoke before Steve had to answer, voice emanating from the tablet Steve had managed to get.

“Not yet. But I’m coming, alright? Just a few more hours and then I’ll be with you, Peter. Just wait a couple more hours, can you do that for me? Wait a few more hours and I’ll be there.”

“Are you- are you missing the important meeting?” And oh god, Peter actually looked concerned for him now, even as he struggled to ask the question. But that was Peter, always putting everyone before himself, caring for others papercuts before his own wounds.

“I’m not missing anything more important.” Tony reassured him. “There’s nothing in the world I could be missing that’s more important than speaking with you right now.”

Steve spoke up then as Peter sank down into his pillow, looking satisfied with Tony’s answer.

“The rest of the team is waiting outside. Do you want to speak with any of them?”

Peter nodded slowly.

“Yeah.”

Two minutes later the room was full, all the other avengers as well as Pepper having flooded in.

“Hey, Spider-kid.” Bucky spoke first. “How’re you holding up?”

“Been better.” Peter answered, attempting humor. He tried to speak again but broke off into a coughing fit. Steve leaned in closer to try and hear what he was trying to say.

“Dad? Can I speak with Nat? Alone?”

A wave of unease swirled over Steve at the question, but he trusted her and nodded.

“Natasha. He wants to speak with you.”

He motioned for the others to step outside.

After the door was closed Natasha walked to the seat Steve had vacated and sat.

“Hi, Peter.”

“Nat? Will you answer me truthfully?”

She stared at him, knowing the question that was coming deliberating for a long moment.

“Yes.” She said at last.

“Dad keeps telling me I’ll be okay. Will I?”

Natasha sat still. It was clear why he had chosen her now, why he had chosen the avenger who would know the value of the truth even if it was hard, even if it was the wrong truth, the one no one wanted to hear.

“The doctor’s think it’s possible. But…”

“They’re not hopeful.” Peter finished for her. “It’s okay. I thought so. It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, Peter.”

“No. No sorry. It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. Will you help people remember that? Please make sure they know that it’s no one’s fault.”

Natasha nodded silently.

“And you need to stay okay? Dad, and Papa, they’re going to need you, and you can’t leave them now. Not on some extended mission, not to go track down someone far away where no one can contact you. Please don’t leave them after I’m gone.”

“This isn’t certain.” Natasha said. “There’s still chances of recovery, there may be other options…”

“I know. But just-” he was interrupted by another coughing fit. “Just in case. Make sure everyone stays also? Bucky, and Bruce, don’t let Thor fly off to Asgard. And my fathers, you all stay with them, okay? Don’t leave them alone unless they need to be and you need to be there for them.

Natasha nodded again.

“Thank you.” Peter breathed, smiling just the tiniest bit.

Natasha left for a moment before the team came back in Steve coming to Peter’s side.

“Papa’s nearly here.” Steve told him as he brought the tablet into his view.

“I’m really close to New York.” Tony spoke. “I’m going to have to hang up while I land but then I’ll call you right back, alright? And then I’ll be there with you.”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Peter. To infinity and back.”

Peter smiled at Tony and for some reason a chill ran through him then as he viewed him on the screen, face suddenly peaceful.

“I love you too, Papa. I love you so much.”

Tony’s screen went dark then as they began the descent and all he had to focus on was that image of Peter, smiling up at him as he told him he loved him, his face pale and ashy, but his eyes bright, a strange peace over his face and a sense of fear began to grow as the plane landed. By the time he was able to open his tablet again, half an hour later, the fear was full force rushing through his head pounding against his brain.

He turned it on, pressing Steve’s contact with a growing sense of dread mixing with his fear.

Pepper picked it up. He stared at her face on the screen for a full minute, neither of them speaking. He felt a presence behind him and turned to see Rhodey, who had apparently come to pick him up. He stared at him then, daring him to deliver the news.

“I’m so sorry, Tony.” Rhodey told him and every word was trying to penetrate the fog surrounding Tony but no, this was wrong, how could this be, he just spoke to him, he was just there, he was going to see him, he was going to fly home to him and be with him.

Rhodey held out his arms to him and Tony collapsed into them dropping the tablet onto the ground the realization hitting him hard.

“I was too late.”

[killianmesmalls]

On Route to the Bottom

I was going to post this as an angsty chapter to Tethering, but it’s going to be, I think, too sad/angsty for that story and too long to be one chapter. Likely eventually non-canon compliant, but for now how I imagine things to have gone. 

Chapter: 1/3

Warnings: EXTREME angst and sadness, plus the mention of the loss of a pet

Synopsis: “The night she disappeared, I was on route to the bottom of a bottle.” Hook and Alice have a terrible fight which sends Hook looking for comfort in the familiar arms of rum. A few hours away couldn’t hurt, could they?

Sixteen years. She had been held for sixteen long, occasionally wonderful, but wholly claustrophobic years. Her father had attempted to help when the tower around her became too stifling, but there was no helping the constant pressing in of the walls around her. Every day they seemed to inch in a little more, suffocating any life she had once felt.

Her father could usually breathe in some life back into the prison they called home. Today was different. Today she felt different. A loss of something, or at the very least a diminishing of it. Hope, she realized. 

Sixteen years of her father reading books as she studied languages, mathematics, geography across all worlds. Sixteen years of her aging, graying hero meeting with any enchantress or wizard he got wind of as she memorized constellations, learned to sword fight, and practiced tricks she knew she’d never get to play outside of her tower. He tried everything he could to find a counter-spell for what kept her trapped, and still nothing worked.

It was getting to be too much. Too much of being lonely in spite of all the attention her father tried to give her. Too much of him trying to become friends with the locals, for him to persuade those who didn’t sneer at him to bring their children to visit his Alice, only for them to sing songs at the base of her prison to torment her.

Alice, Alice, in the sky Alice, Alice, up so high Does she smell? Does she cry? Why’s she there? I wonder why

Stupid children and their stupid bloody rhymes. It wasn’t even clever. If I threw some blasted eggs at their faces from up here, that would be clever, she thought.

After that, he had spent dozens of gold pieces to have wizard with a sliver of mercy to make the villagers forget about them, to cast protection charms around their home and the surrounding lands. Alice had cried all night after that, and all her papa could do was hold her and tell her he knew children could be cruel. She didn’t ask how deeply personally he knew this, and he didn’t feel the need to tell her.

So, now when he came home with more hope than she could stomach, she was tempted to lash out. Often, when he knew her sharp words or sarcastic remarks were from a place of deep, understandable frustration, he was stern but gentle. In other times, when the summer heat mixed with cabin fever, her teenage hormones, and his pining for the sea, it spelled trouble. Raised voices weren’t something either of them had been used to—him since she was born, her in her life. Yet, these days they found themselves moving closer to shouting at one another when her dwindling hope began to resent his lack of help. When his sense of failure began to take a toll on his nerves.

And then, in a horrible, misting evening, everything went into a spiraling hell. Mary Ann, her beloved rabbit, took her last peaceful breaths in her arms, and something inside Alice broke.

“Love, I—“ her father started, and the gentleness of his voice set her on edge. Everything was wrong. Everything, everything, everything.

“I hate you,” she whispered.

“What?” He let it out in a soft, startled breath. Every inch of her screamed to take it back. She needed to apologize, to say it was her incredible grief that made her say the first horrible thing that came to mind. But her pain was too much, and she had no one in sixteen years to take anything out on but him. And he was so steady. Such a pillar of kindness, of strength and survival. Something told her he would get through this and all will be well. She just needed to let it out somehow or she’d explode.

And so, she did.

Her feet stamped hard on the floor as she rose up, for once towering over her kneeling father. She saw he had been preparing to comfort her, to collect her in his arms. Something in her found this laughable. Something else found it enraging. Small pieces, terrible pieces, but they were loud enough to quell the rest of her begging to be taken into his embrace.

“I said I hate you!” she burst. He reeled back as if struck, and her booted feet carried her forward. “I hate it here! I hate everything about this place! I HATE IT AND I HATE YOU! WHY CAN’T YOU HELP ME?! WHY?”

Killian looked at his little girl, his raging Alice, and found he couldn’t breathe. All the fear of every second of her life came swimming toward him. It was his fault she was here. It was his fault he wasn’t good enough or strong enough to get her out. Killian Jones was a survivor, but he was a terrible excuse for a savior.

“Alice…”

“No. No! I want to be left alone. It’s what you want, right? Keeping me up here alone?! KEEPING ME HERE! I bet you like it, don’t you? Me safe and away from EVERYONE!”

What am I saying? part of her screamed, her thoughts running wild. A nagging in the back of her mind knew he wasn’t the one she was angry with. Not by a long shot. But her mother wasn’t there. No one else was there. And now Mary Ann, her treasure and companion, wasn’t here either. Only he was. Her strong pillar, her hero. And she needed so desperately to be angry with someone. He would forgive her, she knew.

Before he could take a breath to whisper another word, she screamed again, “LEAVE ME ALONE!” before storming to her room, leaving her broken father with the remains of her only friend. Immediately, she collapsed against her door, sinking to the hardwood floor and sobbing all she had into her knees.

Killian Jones, formerly fierce pirate captain, couldn’t help but listen to the deep, retching sobs of his beloved daughter. As she broke to pieces in the next room, he felt himself shattering. If she needed him away, he would grant her wish. Not forever—not even for the night, but for now. He could give her peace for now as he struggled to find his own.

[101112thegamechanger]

Sooooo little update...

Let’s skip ahead six and a half years. Honestly, I forgot I started this. And like usual, I didn’t fallow through. But, hey, what can ya do? Try again in a half dozen years I guess.

So much has happened since that day. Relationships. Jobs. Homes. Life... I was lucky enough to find love (a couple times actually) and was lucky enough to learn from it. I also found pain (more than a couple times unfortunately) but was lucky enough to learn from it as well. I learned that love can be toxic. It can feel amazing while feeling horrible. I learned that someone you love hurts you more than you can ever imagine. And that sometimes walking away is worth the pain. I learned to feel vulnerable. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned when to fight for myself.

I learned.

I grew.

I became an adult. Almost overnight. I also learned that I was capable of hurting the people I love most too. More than they ever thought possible. I learned that there are some things you can’t fix. And even though time has dulled the pain, it’s still there. I see it in my family. They don’t know but I still see it. Every time I cough or have a cold I see fear. They hide it but I can still see it. (Okay Mom really isn’t that subtle but still) I spent a lot of time hating myself for the pain I gave them but I also see what that pain has become. I never doubted my family loved me. Not even in my angsty teenage years. But I never realized HOW MUCH they truly love me. They have been a rock that made this journey possible. They were like a motel 6. Always there. And always leaving a light of for me. I really truly don’t know where I’d be without them. Definitely not where I am today. My relationship with them is stronger than ever. I waited a month to ensure I was on meds and things were going in the right direction before letting them in on the situation. It was partially aselfish and partially preparing myself to take care of them. There was so much I needed to learn and I was supposed to be the knowledgeable one because I was part of the group most affected by this disease. I knew they would be going into this blind and I needed to have the knowledge to make them feel secure. I tried but failed at that. I hurt them. Mom cried. Dad screamed. My sister threw up. Oddly enough not the reactions I was expecting. I expected silence from Dad, rage from Sister and shock from Mom. I came in unprepared but we ended up okay. For a few days. Then we lost my cousin unexpectedly in a car accident. The reality of the situation hit home drastically. I wasn’t close to him and honestly wasn’t expecting to cry at his funeral but it hit me hard that day. Not about my own mortality but about how it affects everyone else. I saw his brothers sobbing. Strong men crying like babies. I saw my sister break down. Something I’ve NEVER seen in my life. And I thought she was crying for him. He was only two weeks older than her and I thought it hit her hard. Until his brothers put him into the hearse. She looked at me and smacked me. We got back to the truck and all I remember was her sobbing and saying “What the fuck did you do?!” I’m sitting here crying because I can never forgive myself for making one of the strongest people I know break down. I knew she cared. It took my Dad coming to a Doctors appointment with me to help him get through things. My Dr gave him results. Gave him information. Gave him proof that I was getting healthier. We’ve never been closer than we are now. I honestly feel that this truly changed us for the better. And then there’s Mom, she’s Mom. I stayed away for a long time. I feel I hurt her most and that killed me. She was the one I was scared to tell. And the one I was scared to face. I couldn’t help but see the hurt every time I looked at her. I realize now that hiding wasn’t the answer but at the time I just couldn’t face her. Things have changed. I feel normal with her. It feels like when I was a kid! I call her to tell her about my day. I call her when I need help. I call her occasionally just to say thank you. (That one normally gets an immediate “what’s wrong?!” But I expect that) I feel like it went back to the old days. I know she worries and always will, but I’m sending her every breakthrough article I read. Every happy and healthy story I find. And keep her away from anything involving the AIDS crisis I can. It’s funny, the one biggest consistent thing in our relationship is we protect each other...

Speaking of where I am today... I’m laying in my tub. Happy. Healthy. And in one of the best emotional places I’ve ever been. I’ve been undetectable since May of 2013 and have no plan of changing that. It’s funny how when I was young I never saw myself older than 30. Like that was the end for me. And now I see myself as 110 telling my grandchildren about how when it snows it’s actually the man on the hill carving ice sculptures with his scissor hands... oh wait... that’s Winona Ryder... but I think I’ll have the same shitty age makeup! Anywho, I see myself being around for a while. I have a fiancé that I love and loves me back. That accepts me and challenges me. That makes me feel amazing. And that took a long time to find. It’s ironic that I met him a week after my 3rd HIV-iversary. He never batted an eye about my status and has always accepted it. That’s what makes him so special to me. I never doubted that.

The one thing that really hasn’t changed since that day is that I’m still not scared. And still here to stay!

And that’s my update. See ya in another half dozen years!

[shinichirosbabymama]

Elliot x Reader - Betrayal

A/N: SO I haven’t posted in a while but I’ve decided to try something new. This was extremely difficult to write as it goes against my principles on a number of things so don’t expect to find yourself in agreement with the reader. But basically she betrays Elliot. This fic is also extremely sad and angsty but as always enjoy! xo

You hated hacking. You hated it with every fibre of your being.

Prior to meeting Elliot Alderson, you didn’t know very much about hacking. You knew it was becoming an increasingly popular way to expose corrupt activities that were happening in the world so with a distinct sense of naivety you supported it.

However, it wasn’t hacking that had enthralled you – it was Elliot who had done that. He’d entered your life timidly but with a mind bursting with ideas. Ideas that you used to murmur to one another in the dark, shielded from the assumptions of the outside world. You wanted to change the world – with him. But not like this.

Darting around the streets of New York with Elliot and his entourage had been, at first, exhilarating. You felt as though you were a foot soldier – one of the people actually doing something.

But as you marched on with the plan – with Elliot’s big, convoluted idea of starting over – you realised you were rapidly losing your comrades.

Men and women who used to bring down digital dynasties from their bedrooms evaporated rapidly. They were taken without a word – presumably by the FBI. Elliot went undetected, he said it was because he was the best but you thought he was just lucky.

The seed of doubt in your mind started sprouting in the immediate aftermath of 5/9. Everyone was free now but they didn’t seem very free as they hid inside their apartments, eyes occasionally peering through tightly closed blinds. The ATMs ran out fast and the streets filled up with litter. On more than one occasion you saw a brawl break out at the food bank but it wasn’t bankers or their cronies or any of the other people you saw as the enemy – just mothers trying to feed their hungry kids.

Elliot had escaped the initial shockwave and was nowhere to be seen. By the time he returned, in his usual confusion, you were numbed to everything.

‘What happened?’ He mumbled to you one afternoon, stood next to you as you stared out of the window onto the street.

‘The hack happened Elliot. Your hack.’ Your words were full of venom as stalked away from him.

The hours you spent sprawled out attempting sleep on Elliot’s sofa (you’d long vacated his bed) gave your thoughts time to dash back and forth between moral and immoral, resist and conform, one and zero.

Of course, the horrible conditions you’d witnessed on the streets had existed long before the hack, at the hands of the people running this country no less. Yet nobody’s situation seemed improved now. It reminded you of Icarus and you worried that fsociety’s wings had already melted. How nonsensical was it of you all to believe you could unstitch society without consequence. Safely deliver the ruins into the hands of the people. People were not to be trusted.

The situation escalated as did Elliot – or Mr Robot – you weren’t quite sure anymore. You remained catatonic. The damage had been done and an irreversible wound opened.

The moment that came for you to act was unexpected. If you were being honest to yourself, your breaking point came at the exact moment Cisco’s head exploded in that diner which left you picking bits of his brain matter out of your clothes for days after since you couldn’t afford to get rid of them. You didn’t care who had done it – Cisco was already dead and blaming people wouldn’t bring him back. This wasn’t code that could be written or permissions that could be changed. And as a result you spilt your guts to the FBI, a sickening relief washing over you as the words flowed freely.

Dominique, the agent who had been following you all for months, was extremely warm to you after she’d received the haul of information. You didn’t return her attitude but her smile still reached her eyes as he leaned forward, arms flat against the table as though she might reach out to brush yours. You were glad that she didn’t – if someone touched you right now you would scream.

‘Y/N I understand this hasn’t been easy for you but you’ve been incredibly brave. It might not feel like it now but you have done the right thing.’

Your eyes avoided hers as you stared at the cup half-filled with lukewarm coffee in front of you. Dominique was either the worst or the best FBI agent ever as she ignored almost all social graces, carrying on her speech completely unabashed by your frosty audience.

‘I also understand that Mr Alderson – Elliot – is very important to you. Your story has been corroborated with the other evidence that we’ve gathered and it checks out completely. As a result, I am going to allow you to return to yours and Elliot’s residence tonight on the condition that we seize all electronic devices. An agent will be stationed outside to stop either of you disappearing but nobody will enter. How do you feel about that?’

All you could do was offer a small nod in acknowledgement as the tell-tale bitterness in your mouth informed you that you would almost definitely vomit if you tried to speak.

Dominique – Dom as she preferred to be called and which you refused to call her –  gave you a tight-lipped smile and directed her head towards the recorder on the table.

‘Miss Y/L/N has indicated her approval of this offer non-verbally. Y/N can you please confirm that you understand what will happen following your meeting with Mr Alderson. As in – he will be brought into custody for questioning.’

‘I understand.’ You rasped in response, still thirsty even though Dominique had provided you with coffee throughout the interview.

After another two hours of staring at the grey walls of the holding cell you were being escorted to Elliot’s apartment. He would know what was happening by now as each electronic device he owned was wrenched out of his grasp by the authorities. You didn’t know what to expect - you weren’t scared of Elliot but not knowing terrified you.

‘Don’t let him leave, we’ll be watching.’ One of the men in the car told you curtly before you stepped out. All you could offer in response was a stiff nod as you opened the door, bile rising in your throat which you had to swallow down.

You let yourself into the apartment using your key after a few tries due to your shaking hands. The first thing you spotted was Elliot pacing, his hands moving erratically as he spoke.

‘Stop say that I’m not going to fucking –‘

Elliot paused, turning to face you with a look of fear and genuine confusion on his face.

‘Elliot…’ You began, your dry throat trying to find the words. ‘Who are you talking to?’

‘What?’ Elliot snapped quickly in reply, starting towards you so quickly you nearly stepped all the way out of the apartment. You were afraid of him for the first time. Elliot noticed your movement and stopped short, hurt crossing his features.

‘He keeps telling me to do all these things.’ Elliot hissed in a whisper to you. You look over his shoulder but saw nothing and Elliot clenched his jaw in agitation.

‘I don’t understand-‘

‘-You told them everything then?’

The previous conversation was now forgotten as he cut you off, his brow set deep as he stared at you. You nearly bailed right there – you wanted to get back in the car that was waiting outside but you couldn’t. You had to say this.

‘Elliot I had to. I couldn’t go on like this.’ You wished that the words didn’t sound so weak coming from your lips but you were flailing desperately despite the many hours you’d spent pouring over your various explanations.

‘You never had to do anything. Way to go kill the dream.’ His voice sounded monotone and you briefly wondered if it really was Elliot you were speaking to right now. His response triggered a flash of anger which made its way up from your throat.

‘What dream?’ You spat but it sounded more like a sneer. ‘This is fucked but you won’t stop.’

‘Forgive me for actually doing something. I can see that you’re happier being sedated.’ Elliot replies were far too fast for your liking and you could do little more than bristle in response.

‘You love me so how sedated can I really be?’

‘You think I would ever buy into such a ridiculous concept? You think because we fucked each other exclusively numerous time we’re in love? I thought you were intelligent Y/N.’

His words cut you like a knife. This was the Elliot you’d watched destroy a man at steel mountain. You remember listening in horror from the van as he had methodically broke the man piece by piece in front of him. He was strategizing now, aiming to hit you where it hurt most.

‘Fuck you.’ For a few seconds these were the only words spoken from you. You needed a way to release the build of emotions inside of you somehow and that seemed to do the trick. Elliot’s expression didn’t change as his eyes continued to bore into you – the mask he was wearing was rock solid.

‘You’re not a hero Elliot, or a god, or martyr. People are suffering now because of your project. You’re nothing more than a – than a – troll.’

Elliot reached forward and took you by the elbow. For a second you thought he really was about to strike you – something that you’d never even entertained the idea of him doing. Instead he brought his lips close to your ear as his fingers dug painfully into your arm. You wanted to struggle but you stubbornly refused.

‘He told me to kill you. He said it was the easiest way to make things right.’ Elliot’s voice was barely above a whisper sounding unusually smooth in your ear as he spoke without his usual fizzle of anxious energy. ‘But it wasn’t love that stopped me. It was pity. So remember that.’

Your face flushed as you wrenched your arm away from him. The motion seemed to shock Elliot as his eyes went wide and his gaze turned to look at the hand that had grabbed you.

‘Y/N…’ He began – and there was the anxiety in his voice that you guiltily craved.

You made your way out of the apartment swiftly, not quick enough to miss the ‘Wait…I’m sorry!’ of Elliot’s voice drifting down the stairwell. You didn’t stop sprinting until you were back inside the car, one of the agents turning to give you nothing less than a murderous look.

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing?’

‘Just drive just fucking drive.’ You snapped, the emotion in your voice twisting angrily around the words.

The agents took a moment to look at one another, trying to read each other’s thoughts until one finally pulled out a walkie talkie.

‘Please send a unit to apprehend Mr Alderson at his residence. We are taking Miss Y/L/N back into custody.’

As the car pulled away from the apartment – away from Elliot – you tried to pinpoint the moment where you knew the two of you were doomed. But it never came. Visions of his ridiculous half smile, his eyes creasing in amusement filled your memory and you struggled to squash them down. You had betrayed him but at what cost?