#and the next appointment is in December

[vivalamusaine]

Sometimes things go so wrong for no reason and they can't be explained or faulted but you still feel guilt and pain and grief and I think it's just another way to process the lack of control we have.

[cw-ianthe]

has it really been only one week since my last therapy session. feels like it's been a month

[coridallasmultipass]

Halloween costume hint:

(The stitch marker and the word that describes this colour-pattern of yarn [or fabric] are 2 more hints.)

[honey-skulls]

Huge vent

Yesterday was the welcome thing for the beginning of the school year, only from 15h to 16h30. Still managed to end up late. Nothing to do either, just sit there and listen to the explanation of how the year is gonna go. Still came back home EXHAUSTED

First day of school and I'm already an hour late

They also said that if we come late, the teachers aren't gonna let us in

So now I'm just frozen, sitting on my chair after finally managing to prepare, with no idea on if i waste the little energy i have going to school in the heat only to not be let in

But they also said they'd do that last year, and they never did. So maybe they're not doing it again and I'm just wasting time when they would let me in

I don't know and that's the problem

And even if i can, the mental image of everyone in class turning to stare at me and judge while i enter in the middle of the class, because i spent more than half of last year being hours late if not straight up missing "for no reason" is too much (because this country has dog shit psychology knowledge that has been studied to be around 50 years late, and they know nothing about invisible disabilities. Not like I'd ever even tell them. This class sucks in all minorities fronts)

But also I'm literally already thousands of euros in debt for this damn school and every class i miss is money wasted

I don't know what to do

[roaringroa]

they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end

[deadlifts-and-deadlines]

Last Wednesday I went to the rheumatologist. Turns out my blood work was negative for lupus, but they forgot to call and tell me that 🫠 But that explains why I still have joint pain. Anyway, we both agreed that while I still have pain, it is pain is improving, and she was about to release me from regular appointments, just told me to call if I have severe pain come back. But she did ask me to run down to the lab before I left and give two vials of blood so she could test me for RA, just to make sure we had ruled out everything. So I did, even though neither of us thought anything would come of it.

She called me back one day later to tell me that my blood tested high for rheumatoid factor and high CCP. So, very positive for rheumatoid arthritis. Now we have to change my biologic (GI switched me from Humira to Stelara in April bc Stelara only targets the intestines and at the time, we thought the joint pain was a Humira side effect, then a lupus symptom) and I get to juggle two specialists and autoimmune diseases for the foreseeable future.

I took a couple days to be sad and mad, but I feel okay now. Even though this feels like a few steps back, it is still progress. I’m just so sick of the cyclical nature of all this, the try something new and then and wait for half a year to see if the effects of it give me any new issues or if my body develops any new diseases or if it actually helps me. I think I’m saddest because I thought things were finally going to stabilize and be normal for awhile. I know they will eventually, I’m just sick of the process.

[heartual]

finally set up my doctor’s appointment

[mosspapi]

Oh fuck. Today marks 6 whole years since The Bullshit started. I mean. It'd Started well before then but that's when it officially started yknow. And what cosmic irony is it that a whole new bullshit that's basically just a worse version of the original bullshit is starting now too

[areyoudoingthis]

Hi Alex, I am sorry your mother is refusing to listen to you. I know there's nothing I can do to help, but I just wanted to reach out and reassure you that what your asking from them shouldn't be this big of a struggle for them, and it's shameful they can't find it in their hearts to show you basic respect and compassion. I can understand why blocking them may seem like too much, but you're not asking too much from them, either... 🩷 I hope the remainder of 2023 is kind to you. Be well.

thank you 🩷🩷. it does help to hear it from someone else. it's still unfortunately very easy for me to get caught up in the guilt tripping, no matter how many times I tell myself that asking someone to call you by your name is the most basic thing you can do. thank you for taking the time to send this 🩷🩷

[sparklehoard]

I finally went and bought good winter tires!!!

[alexsyndrome]

the insurance card for my car finally came in the mail and I’m going back to the DMV to register her on Friday :))))) then making plans to get her inspected and if all goes well I’ll be driving to my therapy appointment next week swkskfnjaisjfjrkwk!!!!! 😻😻😻😻

[born-to-lose]

Aggressively promoting the bar where I work on all my social media

[cluster-b-culture-is]

you never posted what i sent in about stigma and doctors and healing. it was kinda long but i feel rejected.

There are currently 110 asks in the ask box and I have (and have had for a little while) very little energy due to personal events in my life, which makes it difficult to draw up the spoons to manage the blog as I otherwise would. The queue is also (currently) at 8 posts per day and is 87 posts long as of right now. Some of those asks are from late December of 2022.

A lot of those asks are still there because they're in large paragraphs, which we struggle to read through and often save for later in favor of adding shorter asks which we can (more) easily read to the queue where possible to keep it running. (note this is not us saying to never send large paragraphs, this is us saying that the longer the ask, the longer it may take for us to be able to queue it up)

It's also possible that it was never received. There have been many occasions where an ask has reportedly been sent, but we never received it.

If an ask is sent but not posted, or if an ask was sent during late December or January and was never posted, there is a very high chance that it's not because we have anything personal against the ask/er or because we didn't like it; rather, the most likely reason is that we simply A) have not had the energy, B) weren't able to read it at the time it was sent because long paragraphs, or C) never received it in the first place because Tumblr is a webbed site.

[revelations-mp3]

Just feeling really unsettled wish I could Get an earlier therapy appt they’re all so spaced out and idk if I should just hope she gets cancelations or if this just isn’t the therapist for me. But I feel like I need more regular appointments im struggling <3

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

today i saw so many instagram stories of people going to the public health manifestation 😭. maybe there is hope after all

[tenrose]

In one month I had two doctors appointments and they both cancelled the day of the appointment.