#everything worked against me
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Sometimes things go so wrong for no reason and they can't be explained or faulted but you still feel guilt and pain and grief and I think it's just another way to process the lack of control we have.
#ive been waiting a year and 2 months for my top surgery consult#and today#everything worked against me#i left early i checked traffic i double-checked the gps#and i still missed the appointment#and i was so happy driving there i was in such a great move#and then everything went wrong#and i got there and the nurse said you just have to rebook it#and the next appointment is in December#i dont know how to explain how crushing today was and i dont know how to deal with it except for just moving on#becauase there is nothing i can do#and i just want to blame myself and hurt myself and kill myself all at once#but what good would that do....#cest la vie#have a cry dust myself and get back up#i dont know anymore#i dont know why it has to be like this
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@animangacreators challenge ⟡ spring 2024
↳ WIND BREAKER
You haven't given up on others yet. And you don't need to give up. At the least I'm looking your way, Sakura. So why don't you look this way as well? If you do, I'm sure… you'll become what you want to be.
#wind breaker#wbkedit#windbreakeredit#wbk#animangahive#anime gif#*gifs#usertorichi#fyanimegifs#animangaboys#animeedit#userhanyi#userinahochi#usermoonz#userjenny#usercomfort#userkyaa#userartless#usericybtch#himawaari#user.roy#believe it or not this took 5 hours to make LMAO#not to sound like a grandma but TECHNOLOGY IS CONSPIRING AGAINST MEEEE#my laptop died haha i lost everything. so i had to resurrect an old laptop for this and u would not believe the extent to which ps fought m#also this laptop is so geriatric to the point multiple keys stopped working like#imagine navigating a laptop without the letters n m or v. every single one of those letters u see here had to be copy pasted#tech may b against me BUT MY WILLPOWER IS STRONGER.#and the result is. the most basic ass gifset of all time lmao#btw tried to go for a more muted coloring here which is different from my usual style#ANYWAYS this show is so good i genuinely did not expect to love it as much as i did. insane character writing
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noticing the days hurrying by when you're in love, my how they fly — for @pirateaangel
#masters of the air#mota#motaedit#hbowaredit#hbo war#edits#hbowardaily#ronsparky#violaobanion#olympain#userstaud#userbells#tuseririna#userfrench#john egan#callum turner#gale cleven#austin butler#requested#not what i envisioned but the scenes kept working against me#obviously a lie bc the reunion did not fix everything but#who would i be if didn't use that smile.. also blue
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The fandom god discussion is interesting, but I feel it’s sometimes hindered by an unwillingness to separate gods from mortal society, or even a sort of over-eagerness to project our own reality onto them, which simply doesn’t work. I've seen the gods referred to as rulers or tyrants demanding worship (which I kinda understand because it’s something Ludinus says in-game, though it’s funny to see fandom corners confidently repeat the inaccurate talking points of the antagonist) but more interestingly I've also seen them referred to as a higher/the highest social class, as colonizers imposing themselves on mortals, the raven queen specifically as new money. Overall these comparisons tend to talk about the gods and their actions regarding Aeor in the past and predathos/the Vanguard in the present less as if they're about saving their own lives and more as if they want to preserve their powerful position.
The gods, by their very nature, are above mortals. They cannot be compared to any mortal ruling class because they didn’t choose or strive for that power and cannot feasibly get rid of it/step down/redistribute it (nor do they actually in any sense rule; killing the raven queen, unlike killing an actual queen, will not end the 'tyranny' of death), they simply have it by virtue of being gods. Saying that’s unfair or unequal and that the gods should be killed because of it is akin to saying it’s unfair a mountain is bigger than you and demanding it be levelled, except the gods, unlike mountains, are living, feeling beings who shouldn’t have to die because some people can’t stand the idea of not always being top dog. Thing is, the gods themselves ultimately understood this power imballance and that they can't help but hurt Exandria the way humans can't help but step on bugs, and thus removed themselves from the equation by creating the divine gate. Saying this isn’t enough and that they're clinging to power is just demanding they line themselves up to be killed.
#critical role#cr3#downfall#nella talks cr#ultimately all these 'ruling class' comparisons are simply flawed and don’t work when under the slightest bit of scrutiny#gods arent rulers or tyrants bc they don’t rule and can't be deposed#they are representantations and guardians of (mostly natural) concepts#and those concepts won’t go away bc you killed the gods. death and nature and the fucking sun will still remain#they aren’t colonizers of mortals (wtf lmao) who demand they be worshiped and mortals live according to their oppressive rule#again did you watch calamity? not even before the divine gate did the gods demand worship or even respect#they were never less respected than during the age of arcanum and still they were just chilling#(until someone released the betrayers and they had to step in to stop the ultimate destruction of exandria)#technically you could argue they were colonizers against the titans but even that feels like a stretch#the titans to me feel less like people and more like representations of the chaotic and deathly side of nature#being angry they were killed sounds like being angry someone stopped a hurricane just bc the hurricane was there first#I'm sorry but that hurricane would've flattened you. it wouldn’t appreciate your support bc it isn't a person#and 'a higher social class' fucking NEW MONEY? this is just blatant projection#I'm sorry but not everything more powerful than you is a stand in for oppression#sometimes it’s a narrative stand in for nature and i promise nature isn't oppressing you
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(Small, frivolous rant incoming, apologies)
One thing I wish the Destiny fandom did more of was dabble in the utter horror this universe holds, especially when it comes to portraying the vile atrocities committed by many of the cosmic level characters.
Destiny‘s T rating holds it back so much in my opinion (but it still manages to lay down excellent foundations for horror and more mature themes!!) and I really wish there was more fan works that explored the unimaginable tragedies that occur in lore!!
When you really dwell on the scale of many of the disasters that happen in lore, it really dawns on you just how sinister and monstrous many of the larger villains are. Antagonists like Eramis are much more grounded, certainly not saints though, but some of the antagonists we have encounter are truly odious in their behaviors, even if they are deluded into thinking what they are doing is correct (like the Osmium siblings ravaging whole star systems in pursuit of the sword).
For example, it’s no secret that I LOATHE the Witness like no other. This wicked entity has me fighting bile at the mere thought of it and I truly think the way it delivers cruelty with such a sense of compassion and righteousness to be the most stomach wrenching form of being baneful. I could not think of an entitlement more deplorable than the Witness‘ and it’s existence is a travesty that has caused irreparable harm that spans EONS.
Yet, in my experience, I never see much content that taps into the horrors experienced by those touched by the Witness and its pawns, such as the Noesis and humanity during the collapse. There are INCREDIBLE artistic and written works that tap into the psychological horrors of exos and the unethical hell Clovis was putting people through, but not as many on the more cosmic horrors from what I have seen!!
This may just be a me thing and the personal reasons why I want the Witness put under a hydraulic press speaking, but I often see plenty of depictions of the Witness being uncharacteristically soft and having deeper feelings towards its disciples, but works about its vengeful rage, simple mindedness, violation of the autonomy of others, and predatory grooming are quite barren.
I wish to see just how HEINOUS it is displayed in all its turpitude and how it leaves a festering rot on everything and everyone it touches. I love the Witness because it is so evil in it‘s actions and my heart SINGS any time I see people tap into the trauma it causes, especially for characters like Rhulk or Savathûn!!
There is so much room for exploring just how vast the Destiny universe is when you decenter perpetrators in stories and focus on the incomprehensible number of victims.
Destiny genuinely has a character running around with the title „The Final God of Pain“ haunting people and refusing to permanently die, but there is only so much a T rated game can do and I feel like Destiny enjoyers can go beyond what’s in game in such creative ways!! Just thinking of the fall of Torobatl has me going „Wow, I’m actually so sick to my stomach, I need to honor Caiatl and really capture the pain of such an event!“
The latest lore on the Qugu? My chest HURTS.
Some of the hive experimentations? The hive in general? Hell is not hot enough for what the Witness lead them into.
But you know what they say, be the change you want to see in the world! Create the content you want to enjoy and promote the content you do enjoy!! I wish to dabble into the darker areas of lore, and of course, promote Witness hatred any chance I get!! Hopefully I get more time to write about these things and really value the work the Destiny writers have put into portraying such strong feelings of loss time and time again!!
And also!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read The Garden‘s Witness by Titanmaster_117 !!! ESPECIALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER, I COULD RANT ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF PROSE ALL DAY, IT GENUINELY MADE ME CRY!! PROMOTE THE CONTENT YOU ENJOY ALL DAY, EVERYDAY!!
But this is just something I’ve been thinking for some time now. This isn’t condemning anyone in the fandom or saying there is an issue, just a desire I would love to see (and hopefully fulfill if I ever get back into writing for Destiny!) If you guys have any recommendations for Destiny works that are horrific, focus on themes of loss and devastation, or hate on the Witness, feel free to mention them so other people can find them!!
Not enough Witness hate going around for my liking… this looks like a job for me.
#destiny 2#destiny#destiny the game#d2#the witness#destiny witness#destiny art#destiny fanart#destiny fanfiction#destiny eramis#eramis#nezarec destiny#nezarec#im just tagging whatever at this point#maybe it’s just me being from a group of people on the recieving end of a lot of the atrocities committed in destiny#witness haters where are you I NEED YOU#this is not to hate on anyone who makes any content in the destiny fandom btw!! I love you all so much#the destiny fandom can be so talented and creates AMAZING works#i wanna write and draw as good as some of the people in this fandom!! you guys are amazing!!!#if destiny was M and focused more on storytelling with some rpg elements I think I’d die happy#anyways make sure to blow up the witness with your mind whenever you can#i need that entity blown up into a million pieces NOW#destiny savathûn#savathûn#savathun#maybe one day I’ll write that fic from the perspective of someone who lost everything#someone who fought back against the Witness and was abused by it horribly
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For @lollytea, fanart of her fic Pages Remain!
#toh#the owl house#the owl house hunter#toh hunter#hunter wittebane#hunter noceda#toh willow#willow park#huntlow#the owl house fanart#ash art#this was going to be one or two and became five#please read the work it's amazing#there were so many parts I wanted to illustrate but this part stabbed me just that much harder than everything else#thanks for the pain lollytea#but also for real you're very skilled#if ever an anxiety demon pops up for you#with respect to the craft#treasure the sincere admiration of your readers against it#that goes for all fanfic writers#ALL#okay time for bed now it is very late for me
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*sigh* thoughts on Nintendo's botw/totk timeline shenanigans and tomfoolery?
tbh. my maybe-unpopular opinion is that the timeline is only important when a game's place on the timeline seriously informs the way their narrative progresses. the problem is that before botw we almost NEVER got games where it didn't matter. it matters for skyward sword because it's the beginning, and it matters for tp/ww/alttp (and their respective sequels) because the choices the hero of time makes explicitly inform the narrative of those games in one way or another. it matters which timeline we're in for those games because these cycles we're seeing are close enough to oot's cycle that they're still feeling the effects of his choices. botw, however, takes place at minimum 10 thousand years after oot, so its place on the timeline actually functionally means nothing. botw is completely divorced from the hero of time & his story, so what he does is a nonissue in the context of botw link and zelda's story. thus, which timeline botw happens in is a nonissue. honestly I kind of liked the idea that it happened in all of them. i think there's a cool idea of inevitability that can be played with there. but the point is that the timeline exists to enhance and fill in the lore of games that need it, and botw/totk don't really need it because the devs finally realized they could make a game without the hero of time in it.
#i really do have a love-hate relationship with this timeline#because it's FASCINATING lore. genuinely. and i think it carries over the themes of certain games REALLY well#but i also think it's indicative of a trend in loz's writing that has REALLY annoyed me for a long time#which is this intense need to cling to oot#and on a certain level i get it. that was your most successful game probably ever. and it was an AMAZING game.#and i think there's definitely some corporate profit maximization tied up in this too--oot was an insane commercial success therefore you'r#not allowed to make new games we need you to just remake oot forever and ever#and that really annoys me because it makes certain games feel disjointed at best and barely-coherent at worst.#i think the best zelda games on the market are the ones where the devs were allowed to really push what they were working with#oot. majora. botw. hell i'd even put minish cap in there#these are games that don't quite follow what was the standard zelda gameplay at their time of release. they were experimental in some way#whether that be with graphics or puzzle mechanics or open-world or the gameplay premise in its entirety. there's something NEW there#and because the devs of those games were given that level of freedom the gameplay really enforces the narrative. everything feels complete#and designed to work together. as opposed to gameplay that feels disjointed or fights against story beats. you know??#so I think that the willingness to allow botw and totk to exist independently from the timeline is good at the very least from a developmen#standpoint because it implies a willingness to. stop making shitty oot remakes and let developers do something interesting.#and yes i do very much fear that the next 20 years of zelda will be shitty BOTW remakes now#in which botw link appears and undergoes the most insane character assassination youve ever seen in your life#but im trying to be optimistic here. if botw/totk can exist outside the timeline then we may no longer be stuck in the remake death loop#and i'm taking eow as a good sign (so far) that we're out of the death loop!! because that game looks NOTHING like botw or oot.#fingers crossed!!#anyway sorry for the game dev rant but tldr timeline good except when it's bad#asks#zelda analysis
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Someone made a really well written post on chilchuck and misogyny, but its not able to be rbed so im just sharing my analysis of it here. Bc i love this topic. I love it so much.
#I sort of touched on this in one of my comics#The one where he gets weird about Bea saying she should start working instead of him#He means well but because he still does have this internal idea of woman#He ends up hurting her and his marriage#dungeon meshi#chilchuck#Dont even get me started on Marcille’s (internalized and not so internalized) racism and internalized misogyny#Or Laios and Falins whole prejudice against Other tallmen#Or Shuro’s own reductive view of women#Or Namari’s occasional bigotry towards half-foots#Or how Kabru talks down to fellow Tallmen and thinks of Kobolds as less human than other races#Or everything about Mickbell#Etc#All the characters are very human in ways that can be sort of uncomfortable#I think the most realistic part of me is that none of them mean any harm
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Robin, so confusing Superman Annual #11 / New Teen Titans #20 / RHATO #6 / Dick and Jason both in the Robin suit -- Titans (2018), S1E6 / Batman #140 / Batman #416 / New Teen Titans #31 / Battle For the Cowl #3 / RHATO Annual #1
#they worked it out on the remix (tentatively)#the 'industry' is of course the bruce wayne psychological torture industrial complex#all the ways he (consciously? subconsciously?) set them against each other from the very start.......... evil man. u will be dealt with#'other robin' 'new robin' no names just job titles. barely even people sometimes#dick and jason#webweaving#dick grayson#jason todd#robin#or should I say RobinTM#btw dick is lorde jason is charli#Dick's like... sorry if u took anything personal war is literally being waged upon me by others and also by my own self#and Jason is ofc taking everything personal and internalizing it thru his abandonment issues and inferiority complex :(
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Maedhros built up a high pain resistance from Angband; particularly to the burning sensation. Considering how low he thinks of himself, it’s likely he expected the Silmaril to burn him. He didn’t think he was redemptive, he thought I can take it.
Part of why Maedhros acts so viciously is because that’s how life treated him. I can take it if my brothers die. I can take it if I’m damned for eternity. I can take it if everybody thinks I’m a monster.
He’s proud, and he’s suffering. He won’t back down, he will succeed or be martyred.
#Alexis rants#Swear I could hear my English teacher snapping at me to avoid passive voice while writing this#I have been thinking thoughts#Something so miserable and ghastly about someone who says ‘I know this is wrong#and I don’t care’#And the anarchic part of me is saying it’s justice#because this pain has been wrought against him too#What does it matter they’re innocent? So was he#He’s miserable and he wants the valar’s attention#And in many ways he was the one who finally got them to listen. Earendil only had the Silmaril because Dior was slain. Maedhros’ plan worke#He spilled blood and ruined his soul#That part that just wants to burn everything is doing it as a cry for help: ‘see what you did to us’#It’s piteous but beautiful#Shall I go on#Maedhros#silm#the silmarillion#silmarillion#silm fandom#the silm fandom#the silm#tolkien#maitimo#maitimo nelyafinwe#russandol#war of wrath
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The Dawn's Blessing
<previous - next>
#Final Fantasy XIV#FFXIV#Final Fantasy 14#FF14#Erenville#WoL x Erenville#erenwol#X'vahl Tia#Erenvahl#koana#Wuk Lamat#alisaie leveilleur#alphinaud leveilleur#krile mayer baldesion#Dawntrail spoilers#ffxiv spoilers#Please appreciate this one#you have no idea how I was fighting for my life to get this done.#Everything was conspiring against me. OTL#also someone mentioned wanting to see more Koana#and while I didn't have anything else planned with him#I figured he'd actually work in this one quite well.
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Wanna help a poor 23 year old and her young child?
R is 23 years old and has a young child with her abusive ex, who is not kind to the child either.
R can only get her half of her kid’s time when she can drive to do pick ups and drop offs.
She works, but she has very little money left over after making rent. She has no living parents and her siblings live well below the poverty line.
She needs to raise $1877 more to get a functional used car.
R’s kiddo’s spring break starts in a week, March 24th. The kid is supposed to be with R for all of spring break, but unless R can get the funds, R’s abusive ex will have the kid the whole time and that would be really hard on both R and the child.
If not even 10% of my followers contributed one dollar each, R could get a car and parent her child again.
Please, can any financially secure adults help? If you can’t contribute, would you be willing to share around R’s gfm and/or this post?
Every penny helps.
https://gofund.me/cdae3fbf
she also has these other links:
https://venmo.com/u/justapeachycreature https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/robinseigneurie
I’ve known R since she was a baby and she’s very important to me. She’s been through a lot and has been trying her best through some very very difficult circumstances. Please, can anyone help her and her child?
#every post in my#rose#tag is about her#and yes she's using a pseudonym on some of her stuff cuz her ex SUCKS and would use this against her like he's tried to use everything else#she had to miss work today cuz she had a panic attack worrying about her kid being alone with her abusive ex that long#he's so MEAN and he isn't nice to that kid#i love R and her kid so much you have no idea how important they are to me#and that child is the center of her life
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ngl i still dont fullheartedly believe in the knight papyrus theory solely because i will never pretend to have any clue on what the hell ever goes on in that dog's brain but i do think the funniest argument people ever make against it is when they say undertale and deltarune are two totally separate entities with no overlap of important characters whatsoever. its like they got to the part in chapter two where everyone fell asleep and then closed the game
#trousled rambles#like there are good arguments to be made against papyrus being the knight but that one doesn't work when toriel is Going to be in chapter 3#and possibly undyne or napstablook too. my bets are on napstablook personally#mostly because i Do want to believe in my theory that the dark worlds could be based on ut areas starting with the ruins/Home#just because i think it would be cool :> but yeah thats all to say toby definitely changed his mind about everything being separate#as in it's a separate story and world sure but the undertale characters are definitely still gonna be important lol#deltarune#there's no way for the chapter 2 ending to be a troll like chapter 1 unless that's a straight up gas leak or something#personally i dont think there'll be a plotline in deltarune about kris murdering their mom and bff via CO poisoning but maybe thats just me#anyway if u wanna make a good argument against knight papyrus just point out that it would mean literally nothing to the kids lmao#it breaks my heart to say but like. they dont know that guy. they would just be confused if anything they dont gaf#its not actually that hard to debunk if u think of it narratively just dont be dumb/rude/wrong about it yknow#that being said if ur only debunking it to support the turtle guy instead u need to stop talking sorry . i make the rules :(
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ADHD really does put everything at equal levels of importance, huh? Like I'll have an email I need to write that'll take maybe 10 minutes, and getting that done will alleviate 6 months of stress. Then I'll notice a sock on the floor I need to put away. Then I'll get the strong conviction that it's up to me to cure cancer. And my brain will tell me that I need to do all of them at once, start and finish them all in the time span of 0 seconds, and my executive dysfunction will throw up its hands and do none of the above.
#adhd#actuallyadhd#executive dysfunction#examples were courtesy of my partner. it made me laugh so hard because i've never heard anything more accurate#i'll read stuff like ''adhd makes it difficult to prioritize things!'' and i never paid that much attention because i was like#''i can easily sort things into categories. it's just the doing them that's the issue.''#but then i realized. that the REASON doing things is an issue is because it's not happening at the conscious logical level#it's happening at a nearly-subconscious rapid fire in-the-moment response time#i've been working a lot on my adhd these past few months & have also been meditating a lot lately and it's been making my awareness more an#more broad and precise#and at this point i'm wondering if this is straight up the cause of my adhd. the brain putting absolutely everything at the same ''URGENT#URGENT URGENT'' level. since i can't do everything in the world at the same time at infinite speed and perfection#i'm thrown into ''freeze mode''. and that's also why we've learned to weaponize fear against ourself as a motivator. because it forces the#task we're trying to do into front view. makes it take priority over everything else we're scared of not doing.#we've been working on a lot of useful coping skills. haven't entirely figured out how to manage this yet but the awareness itself has#been very useful.
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Hey, you're being lied to about what fitness constitutes. If you can't work in an hour-long crossfit slog, but you can work in a five-minute walk, then that is still fitness. If you can't use your legs but you can do arm circles every now and again, that is still fitness. If you're moving around at work, that's still fitness. It can be intentional or incidental, but here's the best part: your body doesn't care if you're dedicating specific work-out times. It doesn't care if the "only" fitness it gets is your nine to five on your feet. It doesn't care, fitness is fitness is fitness. Some of us do it differently, but the end result is more or less similar.
If you can do any type of fitness safely, your body isn't going to care if you're doing it like an Olympic athlete or if you're just a casual.
#fitness#gentle reminders#i hate hate hate the idea that fitness must be done Intentionally and in a Hegemonic Way#like... fitness is whatever you make of it and whatever you do#your body isn't going to be like 'well you walked for fove minutes but you didn't do shoulder presses at the gym so it doesn't count 😊'#if you want more specific forms of fitness then SURE you might want to do more specific exercises and activities#but if your goal is overall movement for however much if your body then... you don't Need to be THAT specific#and your goals may be specific for only parts of your body and that's GREAT!#a wheelchair user may for example do more arm exercises so they can use a manual chair for instance...#...and to many people i've noticed they don't think it 'counts' because the chair user isn't using 'all' of their body...#...but it's like... using your arms in non-powered chairs can be really important so like. it's still fitness.#you don't actually have to equally focus on everything if you don't want to or can't#all this to say that fitness is Not hegemonic and you don't need to feel shame about what you do or don't do#even a tiny tiny TINY amount is significant and matters <3#this is definitely something i've gotten more passionate about since becoming a ~gym bro~#because you see just how different people are and what they want out of fitness#and it's taught me a lot more about my own disabilities and how i work with (and even against) them to find balance#this is what i love about those fitness video games too! because they're often made to be engaging and fun!#i LOVED just dance as a kid and that was fitness merging with video games (and i loved video games (still do!))#and i HIGHLY recommend people get video games like just dance or that one nintendo ring game because of these elements!#it combines the comfort of home with movement with engaging music/story/video game elements#and things like that make me believe in peace and love and care on planet earth <<3
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THE VIRMIRE SURVIVOR SURVIVORS
Spectre Ashley Williams & Spectre Kaidan Alenko "Not a lot of other people have had my back since the beginning..." Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#kaidan alenko#ashley williams#mass effect#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#this set has literally been cooking in my project files since before i started priority: mars and i finally figured out how to edit it!! 🥹#i swear i think i had at least 8-9 different drafts trying to figure out how to organize the video in the frames#i hated like every draft i had bc none of it looked like the picture i had in my head and my original plan was just not gonna work lol#but ya know if bioware and EA won't give my faves any content then i'll do it myself!#and they can tell me only one survives virmire as many times as they want and i will continue to ✨not listen✨#no one could ever make me choose between them#kaidan alenko and ashley williams you are EVERYTHING#they could NEVER make me hate you#if the world is against y'all then i am against the world
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