#and the fact that someones putting in the effort! fuck!
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the first time drew saw actress!reader.
𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚 ────୨ৎ──── when drew was forced by madelyn to come watch this new show with her and the rest of the cast he didn’t expect to have his heart captured by the mesmerising woman on the screen.
𝜗𝜚 pairing: actress!reader x drew starkey
author’s note: this takes place in 2023 during the filming of obx 4 which is when game of thrones started airing in my timeline also actress!reader is anywhere between 19-22 years old.
drew was sprawled across the couch in his hotel room, aimlessly scrolling. after a long day of filming under the hot and heavy sun of morocco, he had no intention of doing anything that required effort. his plan was to simply scroll until his eyes got heavy and he knocked out, but knowing his insomnia that wouldn’t be until the early hours of the morning.
glancing at the time displayed on his phone ten pm it read, he let out a heavy sigh, though his body ached with exhaustion, his mind would not shut off. but before he could put down his phone and try to force himself to sleep, a knock sounded on the door “yeah?”
“drew! its maddie.”
“maddie?” he spoke softly, what’s she doing up at this time. usually she was asleep the moment she got back to the hotel. “come in, its open.”
she came tumbling through the door, coming to a stop in front of the couch where he laid. drew couldn’t help but chuckle as he watched her. “what’s up?”
“drew! you gotta come watch this new show with us!” her hands were placed on her hips as she looked down at him.
drew sighed, a noise of exhaustion. “i can’t be fucked getting up, cline.” her face scrunched up, ready to dispute him.
“drew you have to! the last episode of season one just came out and i watched the first episode when it aired and it was so good that i stopped watching so that we could binge it all when the season finished!”
recognition sparked on his face. “wait is this game of thrones? i remember you saying how good the first episode was, like two months ago.”
madelyn’s face grew excited at the fact that he remembered. “yeah! please please, you have to come watch it, jd, bailey, chase, laci, rudy and austin are already in my room waiting.”
drew mulled over the idea for a moment. either he could rot in his room until his call time tomorrow or hang out with his friends and possibly watch a good show, if maddie’s high praise was anything to go by.
“yeah, alright let’s go.” he stood up from the couch, stretching his arms and grabbing his phone to follow maddie, who was already halfway out the door, unable to wait any longer.
when they arrived at her room, the first episode was already lined up on the screen, the hbo logo blaring in the dark room. drew greeted everyone and then took a seat on the spare love seat by the window. “you guys get forced too?” he questioned.
“yup.” jd breathed out. “nah i’ve been wanting to watch this, i remember hearing about it when they started filming, it’s supposed to be like super graphic and vulgar.” madison commented. “shit, really? i know nothing about this show, other than the fact that cline can’t shut up about it.” austin added. chuckles sounded across the room, and madelyn yelled from the kitchen where the popcorn she was making turned in the microwave. “y’all are about to thank me!”
drew simply sat in silence, with the amount maddie was praising this show, his skepticism grew, no way this show was that good. someone pressed play as soon as madelyn was seated, he didn’t see who. the intro song of the show blasted through the room and drew settled back into his seat.
“yo, pass me the popcorn?” chase rolled up the back and chucked it across the room from where he was sat, drew caught it with ease.
he couldn’t lie, the show was good, fifteen minutes in and he was hooked. and just when he thought that it couldn’t get better, you came on the screen.
“holy fuck who is that?” jd’s voice rang out, but drew felt as though his voice came from somewhere far away. he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. “she’s beautiful right?” madelyn sighed out. mummers of agreement sounded from the people sitting in the room. “her name’s y/n y/l/n.”
“y/n” drew repeated to himself softly, almost as he was testing the feel of your name in his mouth. rolling the syllables on his tongue, in that moment he decided that no other word would ever compare to the way your name felt on his lips.
dressed in a flowing dress with daring cuts exposing your seemingly soft skin, he wondered what would it feel like if he ran his palms along the smooth expansion. your hair sliver, long and loose to play visenya targaryen, the last targaryen, the daughter of rhaegar targaryen and elia martell. drew felt as though no one had ever looked more stunning in the history of the world.
“drew? you all good man?” someone asked, he didn’t know who, he couldn’t hear or think of anything beyond you and the performance you were giving. “i think starkey’s got a crush.” rudy sang out, and the rest laughed. but drew couldn’t care less, too busy watching you.
they watched two more episodes and as the third episode came to an end drew finally broke out of his trance. while the rest occasionally made comments during the show drew could not tear himself away from the screen, afraid that if he looked away he would miss you.
“i gotta hand it to you, cline, i’m hooked. that shit was amazing!” carlacia grinned. “i fucking told you guys!” she retorted back. “but aside from that, starkey? what did you think?” she smirked at him.
“yeah, that was good.” drew’s body tingling “that’s it? just good? you don’t wanna talk about the moon eyes you were making every time visenya came on screen?” drew cheeks tinged pink. “yeah, she’s pretty.” “aye, shot your shot man, she’s so fine.” madison teased.
as drew made his way back to his room he looked at the time, two am, damn he didn’t even realise time had passed that quick. sliding into his bed after taking a quick shower, he couldn’t help himself but run a quick search of you on google. “fuck.” the soft curse slipping from his lips, just when he thought you couldn’t get hotter, he saw pictures of you, not in costume, naturally a brunette, he was so fucked. fuck it, he quickly searched up your name on instagram.
you were laying in bed scrolling through instagram when a notification popped up.
drewstarkey started following you. follow back?
first one, do you like it? if you do i’ll keep writing. reblogs and comments are welcome and appreciated.
#drew starkey#drew starkey smut#drew starkey x actress!reader#drew starkey x you#drew starkey fic#drew starkey fluff#drew starkey fanfiction#drew starkey imagine#drew starkey x reader#rafe cameron#outer banks#rafe cameron smut#rafe fanfiction#rafe obx#rafe outer banks#rafe smut#rafe x reader
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Sunshine
Description: just an idea I had. Might make it a series. Might not. Reader’s callsign is “Ray”. TW - Reader is depressed and has been through some shit.
Not decided who I’m going to make the main love interest, if anyone at all. Hell, not even decided if it’s worth continuing. Hit me up with ideas if you like what you read…
The rain hammers against the living room window. The window of your shitty, little rented flat in a dodgy, shitty area. It was cheap though. And it was a roof -albeit a temperamental, leaky one - over your head.
It was your decision, after all. You could still be slaving away as a soldier. Giving your all, with no reward. What had you even been fighting for, anyway? Oh yeah! Arrogant men wanting to play a game of chess with your life. Nah. You’d choose your shit flat and shit job, thanks.
The bottle of cheap wine looks real nice right about now, what with the rain not letting up. But you hadn’t done a food shop for two weeks, and you’d used your last packet of instant noodles last night. Shit.
Your jacket is still damp from this morning, you notice, feeling regretful for not hanging it up over the radiator as you zip it up. It’s not as if you allow yourself the expense of using the central heating anyway. You tuck the stray bits of hair, that were poking out, underneath the hood and brace yourself.
“Once more into the void” you tut lamely to yourself, before stepping into the rain, on the hunt for dinner. ‘Goin’ fuckin’ mad, talking to myself now’ you roll your eyes at the voice in your head, sick to the back teeth of your failing life.
The familiar, chipped door of the local corner shop jingles as you enter. You stamp the wet off of your boots on the dirty mat at the door, not that it made a jot of difference to the trail of wet you left in your wake.
“Hello you!” Ravi, the (overly) cheery, elderly shopkeeper shouts. I nod, sending a tight lipped smile in response to his greeting. “This rain, eh! It’s pouring down! Madness out there!” his accented voice says chattily, as you try to disappear behind a shelving unit stacked with tinned soups.
“Yeah, mad” you grit out, monotonously.
“Chatty as always, eh?” - “yep” good god, please stop talking to me! Not in the mood..
You grab two tins of soup, and three 29p noodle packets and head back to the counter to pay. Ravi scans your selection through and looks up at you with a raised eyebrow, awaiting something else. You sigh. “The norm, Ravi, if you will” you say. “Thought you might have quit! Bad vice to have, a young thing like you..”
You choose to ignore that comment, as he slides the packet of cigarettes over the counter. “£16.49”. You pull the slightly soggy twenty from your pocket and hand it over and he quickly counts your change and you’re on your way, the ding of the shop door sounding your departure.
The rain has somehow worsened, so you decide to run the mile and a half back to your flat, pissed off that you’d had to put any effort in, whatsoever. You’ve kept your fitness levels up since your military days. You huff a laugh at your own expense. Knew the morning jogs before work were worth while.. you think to yourself.
Work. Fuck. You’d not finished until 5am this morning, hence the wet jacket. Drunkards had crawled in after winning the football match, refusing to leave until gone 3am, and leaving a shit tonne of mess behind that needed cleaned up. You got decent tips though. Tips that your landlord would snatch off of you thanks to the fact that you were a month behind on rent payments. Easy come easy go, you thought to yourself, as you jog back to the flat.
You get back in record time but halt abruptly when you reach the door. The rain has, by this point, soaked completely through your jacket, but something else has caught your attention. The door handle (which lost its spring a while ago) is slanted down. Someone has visited while you’ve been gone.
“Fuck” you whisper to yourself, before quietly shoving the pack of cigs down your bra to try and keep them dry, and gently stacking the tins and packs of noodles into your post box, for safe keeping, while you investigate..
On second thoughts..
You grab one tin, and carry it as a weapon. Just in case, right? Old habits die hard…
You step in, silently, and notice the wet footprints leading to the kitchen. They weren’t even trying to be subtle, what the actual fuck?!
Slinking towards the kitchen, acting every bit the trained operative that you once were, you round the corner, ready to beat the intruder to ever lasting shit with your soup can, when your eyes meet something - or someone, for that matter - that draws the breathe from your lungs.
“Get out” you all but growl.
The intruder huffs a confident laugh.
“You’ve not changed much, apparently.. a ‘hello’ would be polite, Ray” the figure, with their back turned, lounging on your one remaining wooden chair, that you use to hang your washing on to dry, teases.
“I don’t go by Ray anymore. Now, get out” you spit, marching back to the door to grab your remaining tin of soup and packs of noodles, no longer threatened by the unknown, but instead, utterly pissed off at the fact they’re wasting your time.. You return to the kitchen, intruder still unmoved, and slam the tins down on the counter to try and convey the fact that they weren’t welcome..
“You’ve got about 10 seconds..” you warn.
“Until…?”
“Until I call your superior..”
“He knows I’m here..”
“I’ll call his superior, then” I threaten.
“You’ll call Kate? T’was her decision to send me..”
“Look, Lieutenant. I don’t give a single, steaming shit about whatever it is that you’ve gotten yourselves caught up in, this time. And if you think I want to be involved, you’re heavily mistaken. And it’s laughable that Kate chose you to try and retrieve me.. didn’t even think to send Gaz…? The only one of you wankers that I actually, borderline, tolerated?” You laugh bitterly.
“I really mean it, Ghost. Get out.” you practically spit his callsign, wanting him to understand that you really weren’t considering his, yet unspoken, offer.
“We’d have sent Gaz…” he pauses “but he’s broken. So I’ll have to do…”
Your stomach drops at that and Ghost almost almost sees the break in your facade.
*18 months earlier*
You’d gone through your entire military career with Gaz by your side. You’d class Gim has a friend, even though you were detached and fairly closed off. He was always determined to bring down your walls.
The pair of you were eventually split up when he was headhunted for the formidable taskforce, the 141. You didn’t see him for months, maybe even over a year, until your unit, which you labelled as ‘the Donkeys’, because they were all so shit, crossed paths with the 141 in Russia.
You, and Shepherd, you came to find out, who had been acting as the temporary commanding officer, visiting from America on a joint op, were the only survivors, not that Gaz knew.
The 141 didn’t stick around to check how us Donkeys got on. Just left us behind to do the grunt work, while they, along with Shepherd, moved on. Yeah. Still a bit bitter about that…
Mission accomplished, in their eyes. Necessary losses and all that.. the Donkeys were just collateral for them.. you included.
You returned to base, under your own steam, injured and forced to practically hitchhike back from Russia. When you limped back through the base security, flashing the dented dog tags, confirming that you were, in fact one of them, you were hailed a miracle.
Laswell called within the hour of your miraculous return and wanted to promote you to Lieutenant of your new unit, of strangers, that you’d yet to even meet. Hell, you were even ready for active duty, with your injuries. You decided that it was all for show. Or out of pity… you guessed that, seeing as the rest of the donkeys, and the existing Lieutenant, had been killed, they needed a replacement.
The day of the ceremony rolled around a couple of weeks after, the big names in the SAS, in their fancy suits covered in silverware and ribbons, turned up, to ramble on about what important work you’d all been doing and rewarding medals to hundreds of other soldiers. It was all bullshit.
When it was your turn to receive your medal of distinguished bravery, and to solidify your promotion to the rank of Lieutenant, you stepped up to the stage slowly, and glanced around at the huge crowd, dressed in their formal uniforms, and caught eyes with them. The 141. Gaz was smiling at you, sending a thumbs up your way, mouthing ‘proud of you!’ toward the stage.
You furrowed your brow, thoughts running rampant in your head. Proud of what, exactly? Proud that my entire unit were wiped from existence? Proud that, for some reason, I came back to base?
You froze on the stage. You don’t know for how long. You just remember gulping, trying to make your inner voice shut the fuck up.
Autopilot took over for a few seconds, and you step forward again, towards the important guy, holding the medals and sashes. “Y/n y/l/n. I present to you…” all you hear is your name, and then his muffled voice.
You take one final glance around the ceremony, and take the Lieutenant badge from the silver tray, earning a few gasps from shocked spectators.
“Fuck your promotion. I quit”
And you left the stage, head held high, and walk away. Away from the SAS. Away from the chess game of life. Away from the danger and greed of those in charge. You were done. Even the donkeys didn’t deserve their fate. They were someone’s child. Someone’s parent. Someone’s brother. And they were gone. Without a second glance. But they were oh so thankful for their service, right?
Bullshit.
Canon fodder. That’s all you were sent in for that day.
Pawns to be banished from the board for the next step of the game. Bigger picture. Greater good. All that grandiose bullshit.
You remembered rushing to your old room at the barracks and hastily packing whatever you had left. Hoping you’d be gone before someone detained you. Surely what you’d done was some sort of illegal, right?
What you didn’t expect was for Gaz and his Captain to come knocking on your door.
“Y/n? You in there..?”
“Piss off, Garrick” you snapped in reply.
“Soldier, open the door” the Captain’s, you’d assumed, rough voice commanded.
“Sorry Cap” you popped the P, immaturely, “no can do, don’t take orders anymore, remember? I quit..”
There was one heavy crash at the door, followed by some splintering sounds of wood, and then the Captain, followed by a sheepish looking Gaz, invited themselves into your room.
“Ray, is it? You don’t need to do this... You’re a valuable asset. You have so much to offer. I’ve read your file. You show a lot of promise. Garrick, here, backs that up. Says you and he came through the ranks together, said that you were the only one who could beat him in your year. Is that true?”
You kept your back to the men, continuing to blatantly ignore them and stuff your belongings into bags.
“You don’t have to rush, Ray. I have my other two men blocking the hallway”.
You remember furrowing your brow at that, not that he could see. Why was he protecting you? Why was he being… nice… about it?
“All due respect, Captain, but I’m out. Done. Finished. Yeah? Understood? I’d love to think up some more words to try and get through to you, but I need to get off base asap, before I’m detained. Hell, they’ll probably decide that what I just did is some sort of war crime. Now.. if you’ll excuse me..” you said, pushing past the men and out of the door.
“Ray!” Gaz shouted.
“Here, at least take this..” he presented his wallet.
“Help you find somewhere, yeah?”
You recall being caught off guard at his offer before nodding, sending a tight lipped smile his way.
“Thank you”
*now*
That was the last interaction you’d had with Kyle Garrick. Probably the last act of kindness thrust upon you since, hell, since you can remember...
And now his Lieutenant is in your shitty little flat, that Gaz’s money helped pay the deposit for, telling you that he is hurt.
You’re snapped out of your thoughts by the scraping of the chair against the wooden floor, and the massive Lieutenant, skull covered face and all, standing from said chair, his head practically touching the ceiling light.
“I’ll pass on your regards to Gaz” he grumbles, heading to the door. “Enjoy your soup, Ray.”
You wait until his back is turned and he is out of earshot, before gulping and scratching your damp hair. I hope Gaz is ok.. I - I wonder why they’ve came to me..? What the hell has happened..
More thoughts run through your head, and the squeak of the springless door handle jolts you again. Christ, hasn’t he gone yet..? He’s taking his time..
“Good bye, Ray. Trackers in the wallet. If you want to disappear again” Ghost speaks quietly, as if to himself, before stepping out into the curtain of rain.
Your eyes flash back and forth, furrowed brow. That slimy little prick, they’ve known where I was this entire time.. probably kept an eye on me.. what the actual fuck..
You rush to the door, opening it and seeing the Lieutenants broad figure stalking away into the darkness, the splashing of his steps the only thing you can hear over the pounding rain hitting the street.
“How hurt is he...” I shout into the darkness.
You don’t see, but Ghost smirks under his balaclava, before turning to face you.
“He’s not taking visitors, Ray. Let’s leave it at that..”
Cunt. Fucking bastard. He knows what he’s doing. Dangling a piece of string in front of a cat..
You growl.
“Arghh! FINE. Fuckin’. Fuckin’ FINE. You win. You happy? You fucking win, Lieutenant. Give me 5 minutes..”
He smirks again, and this time you swear you can see the smugness shine through his eyes. It won’t take you long to pack anyway. Not like you’ve unpacked in the 18 months you’ve been here.
You rush back into the flat and grab the two loaded rucksacks, untouched since you left base for the, what you thought would be, final time. You grab the door handle, and rush back to grab your tins of soup and noodles. Oh - and the wine!
What? It’s a waste not to use them..
You join Ghost back on the street.
“Welcome back, Ray..” the Lieutenant says in a cocky voice.
“Don’t call me that” you snap, bitterly.
“Need to have a name, woman. You’re the newest member of taskforce 141…”
“Piss off…” is all you can muster for the time being.
You wrap your soaked jacket, tighter around your body, and pray that the cigarettes in your bra are still dry.
You’re gonna need them…
#john mctavish x reader#john price x reader#john soap mactavish#simon riley x reader#task force x reader#kyle garrick x reader#kyle gaz garrick#tf 141#141 x reader#call of duty#cod x reader#cod mw2#cod mw3#cod oc#fic rec#my fic
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Mingyu- Seventeen.....Dark Side Tarot Reading
As a Person
When I first tapped into his energy, I saw a scene of him having a complete tantrum. Screaming; yelling; pulling at his hair; just completely raging out. I also heard him say "fuck him! Fuck them! Fuck all of this shit!"
This makes me think that at a certain level of him being pissed off (which i do think takes alot for him to go this far), he can turn into a person that stops giving af about any and everybody. I don't exactly think he seeks revenge, but I do think he ends up wanting to take his anger out on someone or something. And he doesn't exactly care who/what it is. It's like getting so mad that you see red. This type of uncontrollable rage in Mingyu can be very destructive and just simply not healthy
He can be the kind of person to want success and money by taking shortcuts or not hustling as hard as others to get it. It's giving vibes of a person that would attach himself to nepo babies, socialites, and other well well off folk to get ahead. But I also see that in his blind attraction to just being in the presence of wealth, he could befriend scammers, criminals and people that lowkey get their money in more nefarious ways, while on the surface things look more legit. (This is an odd example but I'm getting reminded of how, in the past, corrupt South korean presidents would take bribes and gifts from big conglomerates like Samsung in exchange for tax cuts etc....). I can see Mingyu being this way if he falls too deep into chasing after the bag and keeping up with the Jones. His lesson in life will likely be "everything that glitters ain't gold."
To add onto this. He could possibly even get his friends to participate in these more sketchy business dealings( like promoting shady companies to fans) . Even resorting to peer pressure or guilt tripping if they were more hesitant to get involved.
Mingyu may weaponize his ignorance alot. I can see that in his love life, he could purposefully remain ignorant about things so that he doesn't have to put too much effort into a lover/partner. For an example, he could be dating someone and not know things like their birthday, important anniversaries etc.... so when these events arrive and he "forgets", he could just claim ignorance and be forgiven. "You know I love you hun, I didn't mean to forget, I just had a lot going on".🥺
Very manipulative person, knows how to touch at a person's heartstrings and weasel his way out of trouble.
Dark Things In love:
He enjoys the chase. Like a true aries man, he loves the chase. He loves the idea of wanting a person who doesn't want him. The dark side to this is.....Mingyu likes the fact that even when he becomes fixed on a person, their not the only one. He's like, " Yeah, I'm showering you with all of these gifts, love and attention, but I could be doing this to a million other women."
Mingyu likes arrogance in his partners as well (think Regina George) to the point of being kind of a bitch and low-key a bully. He likes that catty and bratty attitude, wants a partner that demands things of him (like commitment or loyalty), and doesn't concede easily. The only dark thing I'm seeing from this is that wanting this type of partner could lead to his connections turning into full out battlegrounds. Both parties are very stubborn, hotheaded, and in the mindset of "I'm right, you're wrong". He's gonna get what he asks for tryna wife up a Regina George.
Big Spender by Smiler and Lana del Rey is a song that fits this reading's energy
#kpop readings#kpop#kpop tarot#tarot reading#seventeen#mingyu tarot#mingyu seventeen#seventeen mingyu#mingyu#aries sun#seventeen tarot#spotify#Spotify
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I saw your twt about holding back on telling stories with serious and deep tones and it reminded me of an issue I had a while back. Im a south park fan and I loved reading deep analysis of the characters. and south park being south park, people dont take it seriously and think its just funny so it doesnt deserve deep analysis like other forms of media. I always came across comments saying "its not that deep" or "doing all of that for south park" and I used to hate that so much because why are you commenting that under the authors post? In media there is like a "spectrum" of how deep you are in it as a fan, and it doesn't make you less of a fan if you like to binge watch the show when you feel like it because its funny. Someone who makes fan fiction and psychoanalyses the characters doesnt make them a better fan than you. I hate "it's not deep" because it is that deep to me, I enjoy it, but it dismisses critical thinking and discourages deep discussions about our interests. I want to learn more about the turning point for eric cartman and the friendship dynamics between the main 4. I want to read psychoanalysis of the characters and understand why they do the things they do. I loved reading fan fics with an author that understood how the characters work and put them in situations while making it believable. Whether the content was deep and serious or lighthearted and silly. I don't see those as cringe at all. What I see as cringe is trying to downplay someones time and effort. you dont care for it. cool, just dont make it our problem.
I believe in recent years, this cringe and its not that deep mentality is linked to media literacy/reading comprehension issues. On top of the fact, that fandoms right now has been "normalized", so alot of mean and rude kids and adults are in this space not having a mature and respectful conversation and discussions, as well as zero fandom etiquette. (I understand the past wasnt this magical respectful place but this behaviour has increased compared to past years).
Please don't worry about making deep content, its super fun and there will be fans of what you write/draw that will definitely be into it.
GOSH anon you are absolutely right. cringe culture has done some serious damage to people's creativity and freedom of expression. doing things in earnest is now cringe to so many people (specifically that 18-21 age where they think they're better than everyone else and everything is cringe to them, image is everything) and they actually give you shit for it?? it's crazy. the most harmless thing in the world. whenever my hey arnold comics would leave my target audience on instagram i would get the meanest comments for no fucking reason, because i was taking hey arnold "seriously" (nevermind that hey arnold is probably the nicktoon with the most emotional depth and moments besides ginger but i digress) but hey at least i'm not the one losing my marbles over some random cartoon comic on the internet.
i think rudeness in general has been too normalized not just in fandom, but in social media in general. it's sad. the only thing you can do about it is be kind as much as you can to counterbalance it. i'd like to think that rubs off on people just like how being rude rubbed off on them.
i said that thing about holding back because i'm admittedly too hard on myself sometimes. no one is calling me cringe or making fun of me for what i do, thankfully, people have been super cool and supportive. and it means a lot to me because i'm very earnest about everything i create, even when i try to hold back. i literally cannot help being myself. it's all i know how to do. i'm just glad i was able to grow a platform where i'm free to be openly passionate about the things i like, talk about them and why i like them, the little things that i find fascinating, the emotions they make me feel, all of that shit is awesome and i wish more people did that.
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it is impossible for me to explain shit about my stories because these are things i ramble to myself several days in a row rehashing the same topics, but man. jalen and zayvia gay.
#story blogging#zayvias so fucking bad at social stuff and jalen doesnt put in a huge amount of effort#but they start bonding with zayvia goes okay. i need to be a part of the crew. how do i do this... chores.#they decide they're gonna do tasks and whatnot. make themselves useful#and this almost instantly endears them to Jalen who had to keep doing the fucking chores most of the time#because his like. hypochondria i guess. makes them put a lot of effort into things being neat and tidy and clean#and the fact that someones putting in the effort! fuck!#plus zayvia pretty quickly picks up that jalen hates doing dishes and starts volunteering first#but the chore they actually start talking over is laundry. let me elaborate#so zayvia has to do laundry super regularly bc they dont own a whole lot. and they start asking for others clothes#to make a full load right. which jalen appreciates but initially declines#and zayvia does stop asking him until they come up and ask if he has a sewing kit#because they've offered to fix a seam on gideon's shirt and he said that jalen probably had a kit#and jalens like? oh you sew? and theyre like yeah! but i mustve left my kit in my apartment so can i borrow yours#and jalens like yknow what. yeah. you just gotta wipe down the needles afterwards. and zayvia goes :) sure!#its just cute shit. i love them. this whole story started bc of these gays
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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Thinking about geto because I want to pour milk on him and throw him against the wall. Imo his beliefs are inconsistent and self serving (which makes sense because he developed said beliefs at age 16/17 while his mental health was at an all time low). Because while he seems to have the primary motive of "only sorcerers = no curses" taking into account how he treats Maki, who has no cursed energy, it shows that the "no curses" thing isnt the main focus- bc while he decided on tbe "forced evolution" thing, theoretically he should not be Opposed to ppl w heavenly restriction bc. They still fuckin. Don't contribute to curses from what I can tell. Also heavenly restriction is pretty obviously something that is punished by uh. Is it just the Zenin's who have it. Anyway they hated Maki and they Hated Toji so he clearly isn't standing for "oppressed sorcerers" bc if so Maki should be like. The kind of person he wants to help more, as someone who would be oppressed by ppl who aren't sorcerers as well as the powerful clans.
Anyway. While getting rid of curses is for sure part of his motivation, as well as helping sorcerers (see Nanako and Mimiko) id honestly argue that his main problem that lead to him spiraling was. How do I put this. Being knocked off a pedestal
Because he was one of 3 people given the ranking of "Special Grade", and he and satoru are grouped as "the strongest". And consider that satoru comes from a powerful clan and literally has some weird omniscience and invincibility shit going on so that's a whole fucking. That's gotta be a wild ego boost, especially for someone who comes from a family of ppl who aren't sorcerers. Like you spend all this time being a fuckin weirdo and then someone finds you and it turns out you're actually incredibly special and strong, given the same rank as a fucking God Child? You're gonna have some wild self perceptions after that
Anyway then you get to watch your invincible friend get stabbed, watch the girl you became friends with and feel shitty about kinda ruining the life of get shot, and get your whole shit rocked by some guy who can't even use the magic power bullshit you have. (Though he's got a whole physical thing going on because of the trade off)
Also writing all of this out actually makes me understand the Cult Leader progression more, like besides the fact they killed ur friend and you want em dead. You're probably struggling with your ego (especially since your weird God like friend got a whole power boost from the situation) so you create a fucking eugenicist cult where you can consistently prove your superiority to yourself (surrounding yourself with people who will agree with everything you say).
Anyway in a similar vein I wholely believe in "a loving father is not inherently a good father" Suguru + Nanako & Mimiko dynamic
Final thought is roughly I feel like looking at Suguru thru the lense of "this character had a level of privilege that they felt they truly deserved, and after experiencing events that are genuinely traumatic and horrific for any person, they develop reactionary beliefs to try and regain a sense of superiority and control" rather than "oppressed minority who killed oppressors and wants to do eugenics"
#Eugenics TW#cult TW#ask to tag#Suguru when I catch you#Anyway this was me thinking Abt the fact that Toji ISNT a normal human. He just can't use jujutsu. He's like supernaturally powerful anyway#So Geto's whole shit is like. Pretty misdirected. Though also personal thought is I don't think His parents were good (and he's projecting#That onto every other person who's not a sorcerer) mostly cause like. Going straight to murdering your parents is not really expected#Progression in eugenics id think? Bc if you posit urself as the ''superior'' person theoretically ur parents should also b part of that#Bc genetics or whatever. Idk how genetic sorcery shit is but even tho his parents Weren't sorcerers usually ppl would make excuses I think#So. Basically I feel like he probably did not have a great relationship w them. Not that that makes him any better more just like. Thinking#Through what's happening in his head...why the fuck did he decide on a different last name for that woman. WTF is wrong with him#I am suguru's number 1 LOVER and his number 1 HATER. I'm suffering bc none of the fanfic makes him enough of a bitch#It's really fucking something bc like. Looking at him as someone who's had similar thought progressions and is unlearning the kind of toxic#Black/white extremist thinking he has going on. It's cathartic in a way to deconstruct that and be able to analyze my own thoughts as well#But then no one is putting in the effort to actually engage with his ideas and the flaws in them (INCLUDING THE AUTHOR.)#Anyway most people when they have a crisis and reach an extremely bad mental health situation would join a cult rather than take over a cul#But suguru is different. That's why I love him and also why I'm going to break his ribs.#Diversity win this autistic trans guy fucking sucks so bad you want him dead#I need to tag these damn posts w something but I'm too lazyyyu
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not someone commenting on tams to tell me to update taob. what if you fucked off forever
#the actual nerve of some people like it's bad enough getting those kinds of comments ON taob#bc obviously any comment along the lines of 'im literally begging you to update' is gonna piss the fuck out of a writer#BUT TO DO IT ON A DIFFERENT FUCKING FIC????? HAVE A HORRIBLE DAY#and the fact these people not only dont think they're doing anything wrong but think they're COMPLIMENTING ME#'i love your writing so much please update taob' IS NOT A FUCKING COMPLIMENT. LET ALONE ON A FIC THAT HAS NO RELEVANCE TO TAOB#WITH NO MENTION OF TAMS IN THE COMMENT EITHER. NO 'I REALLY LIKE THIS FIC. UPDATE TAOB' not that that would make it okay#but the utter audacity of it all is jarring. how are you gonna clearly have read tams and felt the need to comment#just to have NOTHING to say about it and tell me to update a different fic. actually fuck off#ending the comment with 'okay i love you' do you now. do you really. well it's unrequited babe. fuck off#you people make me mad sometimes istg#'hella why are you always so negative about taob's popularity' when i get something good out of it i'll let you know#edit: they left that comment on ch1 of tams which actually implies they didn't even read it which is somehow. worse#like they've clearly just clicked on it with no regard for the passion and effort i put into it seeing as it's a WHOLE SEPERATE FIC#and considered only that i might give the comment more attention if it was on tams not taob. what the actual fuck is the thought process#in what WORLD is someone taking that as a compliment. in what world am i gonna go 'omg writing it rn just for you bestie 🥺'#actually fuming about this idk why this one has got to me so much the utter CHEEK of it all has really knocked me sideways lmaooo
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“grrrr i hate when people give objects ears and tail its so cringe” STFUUUUUUUU🗣️🗣️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥
#worf opens their big mouth#‘im ok with paws and tail but tails are too much!’ STFU 💪💪💪💪#object shows#osc#and oh the worst offender ‘these edits are so terrible its like theyre made by literal 12 year olds’ im gonna shock you w this information#but a majority of object show fans are in fact. young#children. perchance. children having fun. perhaps#this is more a phenomenon on tiktok tbh tumblr is like THE (number2) furry site so i doubt#that has much of a presence here#but tbh i do not want to put effort in a wholeass slideshow for a tiktok opinion text is easier#// delete later#also i feel like witj edits like those its like it is Not that serious.#if you dont like them you can block it there is literally Nothing wrong with it#you stole someones art and bashed it. imagine if that was you man!!!#*with oops#fucking RANTED in the tags OPS#*OOPS
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#little rant sorry guys 🙏🙏🙏 (I lied it’s a very long rant) you’ve been warned ⛔️⚠️⚠️⚠️xx#I’m mad at everyone but mostly myself because I know it’s my fault#it’s just the fact that I’m annoying. It’s why everyone treats me this way#and some of them I don’t even think they notice the way they treat me. Because I’m such a second thought to them#and even people who are supposed to be my “best friends” don’t give a shit about me half the time#more than half actually#and it just makes me sooo ughhhhhhgg#cause what am I even living for at this point#and it just pisses me off. And at the end of the day I get treated like shit and blame on it myself and still love them#I just want to be wanted. And like actually wanted not fake wanted.#I want to be thought of I want to be invited I wanna get told that someone loves me#I want to not fear that I’ll be completely forgotten (already am)#I want to be a first option. I want to be loved. I want someone to return the effort I put into every fucking relationship#because I actually get nothing in return. In fact I get the opposite in return I get to be treated like I don’t exist by the people I love#just. what the fuck. I hate life#and I hate myself so fucking much ughhh#okay sorry if you read that whole thing mwah 🙏❤��
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I wish I wasn't shown this because it's even more fucking annoying than her first response
Meeru is absolutely backtracking and no I don't believe she's trying to be self critical for a second.
I quite literally explained to Meeru in my first response to her that Panda's behaviour is genuinely abusive and dangerous (for example, causing someone to relapse in their eating disorder). I even provided Meeru with a WHOLE LIST of the things Panda did which includes blatant racism, suicide baiting, victim blaming, and inappropriate behavior infront of and towards minors.
I then went on a provided Meeru with FOUR screenshots of Panda's behavior, one of the screenshots showing her saying that she wants Manchurians to be genocided. I then pointed out that Meeru's interest in Siberians and Northern Asians is purely orientalist because she has built her blog off of the back of Northern Asian and Siberian cultures, but when being told that her friend Panda is racist against Northern Asians and was even provided a screenshot as evidence for this, she STILL went on to call it "boring cancel culture".
In the first response I also said how MULTIPLE people tried to talk to Panda privately, and she did not listen. Her behaviour is not only dangerous but we have found out that Panda has been trying to control the narrative about what happened to people throughout the fandom and telling them absolute lies about what happened, concealing the extent of her abuse and bad behaviour and outright orchestrating a hate campaign against @/miyuecakes by not only spreading lies about her with 0 evidence throughout the fandom, but by sending her posse to harass her on tumblr.
How did Meeru respond upon being given a list of the things Panda did with four screenshots of ACTUAL evidence?
"Don't blame me for not reading all 80 pages!"
"My family is struggling!"
"I care about Siberians!"
"Why did this come out around Christmas!"
She's now backtracking saying that I can't blame her for not reading all 80 pages when
1) No one fucking forced her to release that post before reading the whole document and it's quite stupid of her to release that post despite apparently not reading it
2) Even if she didn't read the whole document? I provided her with screenshots of Panda's behavior and a list of the things she's done to hurt people.
Despite this, Meeru STILL called it purely cancel culture and dismissed the evidence I gave her!
Stop backtracking!
This post is backtracking central. Oh. So NOW you agree that Panda's behavior was harmful even though I literally told you what she did and gave you evidence in my response to you?
"Why are things being handled in public" bestie I don't think I need to keep explaining to you that multiple people have tried to talk to Panda about her dangerous behavior privately but she didn't listen. She shows 0 desire to change and IMMEDIATELY went to make other friends to lie to about the whole ordeal after she left. This post is a WARNING to people to avoid her.
When I said you were orientalist , I said it was because you were given literal evidence of Panda being racist to Northern Asians , yet you decided to carry on with the narrative that this is cancel culture and that we're overreacting. I didn't say jackshit about Putin girly. If you treat racism against Northern Asians like it's just a newspaper article for you to reblog rather than an actual material reality, and dismiss racism against a Northern Asian just because your friend did it, your so called interest in their cultures means nothing!
Meeru is now blaming ME for why she couldn't read the whole document because she was too busy "defending herself" against my "insults"😂 You lie almost as often Panda does. Again, no one forced you to post that post before finishing the whole document! Don't speak on shit you don't know about !
I have the right to insult someone who stands by an abuser and shits on the victims for speaking out! Thanks !
#Meerudraws#Backtracking is insane !#Potaxiepower#My refs#Also lol @ calling what Panda did to us “drama”#0 fucking empathy from Panda's posse why am I not surprised !#I'm aware that meeru has said she's donated to like the free Buryatia movement or an organisation that is similar#Ok.who fucking cares so have I??#That has nothing to do with the fact that you are completely unwilling to condemn racism against Northern Asians when your friend does it#How can you look at the screenshot I provided you with that showed Panda saying she wanted Manchurians to be genocided#And have the gall to brush it off as just boring cancel culture#Your grand gestures don't mean shit if you aren't willing to condemn your own friend for hating Northern Asians !#Performative as all hell#Just like most of your posts on your account about Northern Asians#I'm not rich I just put more effort into my research and for someone who claims to be obsessed with N Asia#Ur posts are lacking#Why is it that when people are called out for horrible behaviour or condoning horrible behaviour#It's always “BUT I'M POOR! BUT I'M STRUGGLING! BUT I'M THIS ! BUT I'M THAT”#YOU BEING POOR OR YOUR FAMILY SITUATION HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU BRUSHING OFF A RACIST ABUSERS BEHAVIOUR
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i’m fr gonna lose my mind :)
#been a minute since i’ve ranted in the tags on here hi hello#so i have this friend who is driving me absolutely insane#we’ve been friends for about a year or so and when we first met we clicked right away and got super close and hung out all the time#we met at work but neither of us works there anymore and it feels like our whole friendship is falling apart now that we don’t#i literally have not seen her in person once since the last time we worked together (march)#and even before that we didn’t hang out outside of work since december of last year#and i have grown very used to having friends that just do not put the same amount of effort as me into our friendships and it’s sucks#so i was starting to make my peace with the fact that we just weren’t really friends anymore#but then a few months ago she started texting me asking me to hang out all the time and she seemed way more like her old self#and immediately i got sucked back in and was all excited to see her again and have her back in my life fully#but she completely flaked on me three times in a row (not even cancelling our plans but waiting until the next day to give me an excuse)#which like i said i’m unfortunately used to but she literally was the one who invited ME to hang out every time#like why are you initiating plans with me and then ignoring my calls and texts when it comes time to actually hang out#then a few weeks ago she texted me again saying we should go to a concert together bc we hadn’t in a long time#and there happens to be a concert i’ve been wanting to go to on the 31st but had no one to go with#she said she was totally in and really excited and i bought the tickets a couple days later and texted her to tell her i had#got zero response for almost a week and then she texted me yesterday saying we should hang out this week#so i said yeah let’s do it but also this concert is literally in 2 days are you still coming with me#and no response! again! so now i have 2 days to try and find someone else who can go last minute bc it seems unlikely that she will#and i’m just so fucking confused bc why do YOU keep reaching out to ME just to flake out at the last minute every single time#like at this point it feels like she’s doing it on purpose just to see if i’ll keep tolerating her bullshit#and part of me wants to just cut her off bc she’s been a terrible friend to me for months at this point#but i can’t bring myself to do it bc i miss her so much anyway and when our friendship was good it was really fucking good#like i considered this girl one of my best friends and now it feels like she’s just playing games with me bc she’s bored#which sucks extra bc last year she was there for me when literally none of my long time friends were#like it’s bad enough that it seems like our friendship was conditional on us being coworkers#but it hurts more and more every time she reappears in my life just to ghost me again like genuinely why would you do that#so i’m really upset and pissed off rn and i have no idea wtf to do about the concert bc idk anyone else who likes the artist enough to go#vent#lj.txt
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when a former collaborator keeps stealing julia bit by bit til she's claimed the entire narrative for her own y'all will be able to vouch julia has been on here for a few months now right like that she was extant before whatever this person cobbles together bc holy shit im livid--
#unfortunately not a bit or a hypothetical. she stole a REALLY MAJOR PIECE of julia narrative and is touting it as her own.#and given her current trajectory of doing that w small parts i'm battened down for her to try and pull the rug out from under me with julia#it's part of why i've been so absent tbh bc it's actively fucking w me that i put years of work into this character and#someone i called a friend for a decade is just taking all my work and effort and making it her own after the fact.#it makes my tummy hurt i'm just very stressed by this esp. as julia is a character i've considered actually using in a project post-rework.#out of stories#vent //#drama //
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It's all me it's aaaaalll me it's all people all the way down you know my best influence my strongest influence comes when I don't mind not receiving credit and my second strongest influence comes when I'm not afraid but the problem is that I'm always terrified and most of all, I'm starving.
#And it's by design#And I'm always thinking about how if I could just get my bloody foot in the door I could get better#I could get so much better#but I'm not gonna get my foot in the door#there is no fucking door to try propping open with my foot so I can reach the whole#everything I've come across resembling The Door I Need has been manned by someone that already decided to help someonelse#Someone who didn't even work out#I try not to think about the fact that my mother spent years and thousands of dollars on helping her niece only for her to return to her#abuser in brasil with her kids and wind up homeless of her own volition. she had a new life made.#my mum helped Her instead of setting me up for life and it was literally all for naught#those kids are no doubt developing DID because they are almost the exact same position I was#meanwhile I had to run away from home and run away three more times and barely scrape by and barely scrape by and barely scrape by#like I'm so glad the little girl got to have a princess bedroom for??? idk how long it was#like a year????? only for it to be taken from her anyway???#I just wish I'd received the diligence she gave those kids#she put more effort in to their bedrooms than she did me when I was young lmfao#and for what. and for what. and for what. and for what.#Showing them how to make stuff too#Is it because they spoke portugese? is it because I wasn't brasilian enough for you? isn't that literally your fault though?#You were the only brasilian in my life and you were my godamned mother how could it not be your fault that I wasn't brasilian enough how#could you shun me for that lmfao
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i have literally nowhere else to put this i apologise for the spam. the absolute best thing to come out of s3 trent is without a doubt the fucking earnestness... like in s1-2 he always came across as a very self-assured kind of guy, who knew how he came off (ie: intimidating) and enjoyed it. but seeing that paired with him being silly + completely relaxing in certain company??? pulling ridiculous faces at vodka + scrunching up his nose when he smiles @ colin + making the most ABSURD 'i really wanna say something right now but i feel like im interrupting' noises ive ever heard in my fucking LIFE??? its like. he is cool as shit and he is self assured AND he can make dumb fucking sherlock holmes jokes and dance ridiculously. its like!!!! he's lame but he's also not bc he's exactly as confident in being lame as he is being cool. do u see the vision. he has killed the part of him that cringes!!!! its just.. that unshakeable self confidence that u see in his fucking swaggers into frame includes all of himself + his different moods and eccentricities and that's just so based to me idk. unironically live ur best life wear the loudest combination of prints and patterns and primary colours uve ever seen in ur life while espousing the virtues of extended museum hours!!! contain multitudes! get silly with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ted lasso spoilers#combined with james lance's hc abt trent's past its just. like!!#the growth from 'i can't be what you want me to be so im going to be Better than them + tear them down'#-> 'i know my reputation so im going to lean into that + be ruthless + intimidating' ->#'actually fuck this? fuck this! im just gonna be me and if anyone has a problem w then L To Them I'm Actually Living'#also this is just my hcs at this point but like. i do think ted helped a lot w the latter part of this process in so much as. ted embodied#someone who was Visibly weak + vulnerable and had no armour/no sense of self preservation#(the opposite of trent's persona) and made no effort to change anything abt himself to prevent attack. obviously ted has a lot of social +#class advantages that make that less risky for him than it would be for others but like. u get the drift#and i THINK. seeing how without that armour/facade ted was able to be rlly direct + earnest w connecting w ppl#like asking an interviewer 'what do u love?' and rlly genuinely wanting to know the answer#and bc TRENT was specifically in the position of 'i could fucking destroy u rn and u wouldn't put up a fight'#that kind of. shifted his perspective a bit? like. damn what would that say abt me if i wrote a hit piece on this guy rn#i disagree VERY strongly w the idea that trent's more positive character development moments happened ONLY bc of ted (i don't think that's#true for anyone in the show tbh) BUT i think ted's presence at a pivotal point in his life was what helped him confront the fact that#at this stage in his life all his intellectual armour was doing was making him into someone Mean rather than just incisive#like. 'is this a fucking joke' is not cutting journalism. u get me??#and arguably that's a fine and even safe choice to make when ur younger and have no support/reputation backing u up#but after decades? its like man wtf are we doign here if were literally just living preventatively#smth smth i hope i am not just a tumblr blog to u but a blog who is inventing the brain chemistry of a sitcom side character#w each new episode they watch. trent crimm is my best friend irl i know he would have scorching hot takes abt each new season of survivor#and would earnestly heckle the jury and final 3 alike
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gatekeeping weirdness now? yall have the energy for this? silly goose behavior(derogatory and dismissive) for sure
#toy txt post#ive seen 2 posts today im not interacting with#one was less bad but still#the other one was hilariously bad#im vagueing it#it was like wah! fucking POSERS are PRETENDING to be weird by ACTIVELY pursuing interests and hobbies that make someone considered weird!#and having dyed hair! bluh! always with the dyed hair hate like really. its not For you but die mad i guess.#anyway if youre that concerned about other ppl actively pursuing hobbies that get them labelled weird (for i guess. the purpose. of being#percieved as weird? whether or not they enjoy the hobby? fascinating behavior if so. pretty weird even id s-*gunshot*#anyway if youre that concerned about that vs like idk....whatever 'organically' weird ppl are. in contrast to that. i gotta say#im no expert but that does sound like maybe you are in fact the poser bro. also this is so fucking funny and stupid god#first of all. pretending to be weird by displaying interests in weird hobbies and fashion even tho deep down im a normal fucking square and#i just hate these weird hobbies and aesthetics so much but like listen i Gotta. for the Weirdness Clout(tm). definitely a thing that#meaningfully exists and makes a ton of sense to measure someone against#dont you know youre only a true weirdo if you dont have any interest in looking like a freak and putting effort into your weird freak#aesthetic. what insane fucking discourse.#like first of all dumbass this shit is made up. normal isnt real it doesnt exist. normal people are fucking weird. weirdness is normal#weirdness is also a construct that is defined in opposition to the unachievable normalcy. many ppl are for the most part 'normal'#with little regular quirks and then there are every so often weird freaks who are very much outside of normal#and thats generally fine although society generally does punish those who do not strive for normalcy. you are supposed to try to appear#normal at all costs or you are punished. etc. its late i just got home from work im not getting into this more#tldw(too long didnt write): yall gotta chill you got your head way too far up your own ass if you are legitimately concerned about#'normal' people 'pretending' to be weird. thats not a problem its fine calm down holy fuck.#also. also. to the less bad one:#'you cant all have been weird little girls' are you accounting for the selection bias of this website targeting the deomgraphic of ppl#who were weird little girls? chill. its the weird little kids grown up to be weird little adults website and youre shocked? really?
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