#and the fact that people at the bar thing told Ace that the child of the pirate king shouldn't live made that issue tenfold

[mooneln0ne]

Don't I deserve to live too?

[mdscarlett]

INTRODUCING 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐊𝐄𝐘 𝐃. 𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓. . .

‎ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ WANTED ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ DEAD OR ALIVE

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐊𝐄𝐘 𝐃. 𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ $500.000.000

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ author’s note at the end+picrew

★ NAME: Monkey D. Scarlett (Scar)

— also known as: Scarlett the Witch, Scar-Scar, the Wicked Witch of the Sea, War Goddess Athena, the Ancient Weapon Mars

★ BIRTHDAY: October 31st (Scorpio | current age: 22)

— “The incarnation of Mars will be born on a dark, cold, eerie night in the Grand Line. It will be a full moon then, and the sea will be stilled as the Earth welcomes her spirit back; The World is not prepared her return.”

★ FAMILIAL RELATIONSHIPS: KNOWN (6)

— Monkey D. Alia (mother/status: deceased), Monkey D. Garp (grandfather/status: alive ), Monkey D. Dragon (uncle/status: alive), Monkey D. Luffy (cousin/status: alive), Portgas D. Ace (sworn sibling/status: deceased), Sabo (sworn sibling/status: alive)

★ AFFILIATIONS: PAST & PRESENT

— Revolutionary Army Cabin Girl/Apprentice (former), Loguetown Marine Base Commodore (former), Straw Hat Quartermaster (current)

★ MENTORS:

SASAKI MEI — having been a trained kunoichi serving the Kozuki clan on the island of Wano, Mei found herself escaping right before the death of Sukiyaki and joining hands with Dragon. thanks to this, she also gained the cutest apprentice and so much more in regards of exploring. She’d write to her friends back home, telling them how fun her travels are, not minding the fact they’d never reply. A master of Ryou, she’d teach scar as much as possible, in a way a child should learn — as something she’d look forward to.

mentored scar when she was between the ages five and eight, and again between ages twenty and twenty-two.

during the time that the straw hat pirates were separated, Scar had randomly felt her presence on an island in the Grand Line, after sailing with Akagami for a while. she tells shanks that she will be leaving him and gives him and the crew her thanks, not without mentioning that they might see each other in the future. with a smile and many hugs, they see the girl off with a bright, hopeful gleam in their eye.

she meets her former teacher in a bar, a nostalgic feeling clawing at her chest alongside excitement. Mei matches these feelings, catching up with Scar with a big grin on her face. her cute apprentice has really grown into an incredible and dangerous woman.

Scar explains her situation — marineford, Kuma, her crew — and although Mei is a wanted criminal on a personal quest of hers, she immediately offers to mentor her. it’ll actually be beneficial to the both of them, the lonely feeling was slowly getting to her, so this was an act of fate. she’s sure Dragon wouldn’t mind, and neither would the ghost of the samurai that’s recently reached out to her.

MONKEY D. GARP — after Dragon had contacted him about custody of Scar, he immediately agreed: this was his deceased daughter’s child. he respected his daughter’s dying wish for Scar to be under Dragon’s watch, knowing that his son would eventually cause trouble and ask for his help. he was determined that she’d stay on Foosha Village forever for her safety, and so he taught her the basics to surviving.

“mentored” Scar when she was between the ages eight and seventeen.

when Dragon had told Scar that she would be under her grandpa’s care, she didn’t ask questions. if her uncle was sending her away from these people she trusted — family, at that — he must be sending her to someone else trustworthy and loving as them, right?

wrong. as Garp dragged Luffy into the wilderness to train him, she stayed home and studied. she respected her elders too much to ignore his strict rules, and decided to play him at his own game.

while he was under the impression that she was at home reading books World-Government approved, she was really snooping through his work desk and reading things that weren’t meant for the public, especially for a child who had been raised by revolutionaries.

on a regular occurrence — whether Garp was aware or not — she would follow the two and watch Luffy from afar. she learned Garp’s fighting skills and engraved his moves in her brain, and snuck away at night while the others were sleeping to practice: she wasn’t sure why she felt the need to be stronger, but after a few years with the Revolutionary Army and finding out what the World Government is really like, she thought it’d help her anyway.

through Garp’s harsh love, laziness and naïvety, he did teach her how to survive. but in the end, she had learned way more than what he had to offer.

AKAGAMI NO SHANKS — during his trip to marineford, he senses a strong presence in the middle of the ocean. utterly confused by this sudden presence, he peaks over the ship’s edge and is met with a familiar face he’s only seen in the World’s Economic Journal. her presence isn’t threatening at all. instead, it’s too vulnerable for a girl who’s currently swimming in the middle of a dangerous sea, during a dangerous time; the tears streaming down her face alerting him instead.

he’s read many articles of Scarlett the Witch, but to have finally met her in person makes him question who she really is. he’s amazed with not only her physical fighting abilities, but also her strong aura that seems to follow her around. he notices that she’s unaware of it, and is also confused, considering she was known for her amazing haki control.

after ten long minutes of soothing Scar’s sobs down, she allows herself to spill everything: what was happening on Marineford in the current moment, Luffy’s arrival, and how she was able to sneak away unharmed. he noticed she didn’t mention why and how she was there in the first place, but he didn’t want to pry. instead, he reassured her that the war would end soon, and allowed her to take cover and rest under deck in the meantime.

he feels his heart clench as he realizes just how much Scar resembled her.

Scar would wake up to heartbreaking news and some from her baby cousin — begging shanks to atleast allow her to voyage with him until she feels comfortable on her own again, promising a temporary alliance, knowing that eventually she’ll have an opportunity to become stronger.

Akagami was suddenly breathless as a familiar face flashed through his mind.

it took a lot of courage for her to ask Shanks how to master her newfound conqueror’s haki, and he gladly took her under his wing. although it was a temporary mentorship, he was glad to be helping the new gen of pirates that would run the world — even if it meant he was one step closer to being too late.

★ STRENGTHS:

OBSERVATION HAKI — unlocked at age five, mastered at age eight.

— allowed scar to gain speed, a developed a deep and powerful intuition, and emotional intelligence/strength. she’s grateful for this, as it helped her understand and learn more about the world she lives in; allowing her to survive.

ARMAMENT HAKI — unlocked at age seven, mastered at age thirteen.

— was a bit harder for her to grasp since dragon wouldn’t let her engage in physical combat, but over the years she’d watch other users and take note. she gained physical stamina and strength pushing herself to learn more. (against Ace, she had won 45/50 of their “battles”).

CONQUEROR’S HAKI — unlocked at age twenty, mastered a few months after.

— the quickest of her to master, simply because she had already held a strong sense of will. shanks demonstrated how he’s able to use it to his advantage and manage it, and it was a shock to them both how bright scarlett’s aura was. she only uses this type of haki as a last resort or as an instinct (ex. when luffy tries stealing her food).

PHYSICAL COMBAT — a somewhat trained kunoichi, marine and definitely a pirate.

— although the two men in her early life told her no when it came to any sort of physical altercation, she still had eyes and haki to help her learn. Mei could never say no to her precious junior, secretly showing Scar “basic” kunoichi skills — claiming that everyone knew how to do those exact moves (which they didn’t, but the others never snitched because they were terrified of her). Scar vividly remembers Mei promising to take her to Wano and properly teach her, but sadly, the time hasn’t came yet.

— while in the Marines, she remembered all the information she had obtained thanks to Garp’s negligence. It allowed the transition to be easier on her, and unfortunately, that came with the consequence of becoming a commodore on Loguetown Marine Base. she knew she was strong — both physically and intellectually — but she never imagined her gaining a position of power she didn’t want. despite the mask she put on every morning, she let her grandfather take pride in her name during her time as an officer, because soon he would absolutely despise her (but she’s still family).

— before finding herself in Loguetown, Scar had nothing; only a boat filled with basic necessities (thanks Makino!) and her will to live, yet she was confident enough to know she’ll be alright wherever the currents lead her. she often found herself befriending villagers of the islands she visited; they offered her money, food, clothes, and a place to stay until her next move. though, it happened only after she’d scare away pirates who were terrorizing them. it was easy to defeat pirates in the East Blue, her proficiency in haki made her nearly ten times stronger than them, yet she lacked in combat. she’d learn from her opponents, always thanking them with a wink and smile, strutting away as they passed out in the grassy fields she found them in.

author’s note: hiiii everyone! this is my lovely scar-scar :3 i’ve spent the last few months trying to find myself again and something i really liked about myself is how creative i can get. i read one piece (i thought back to a time where i was really into jjk & aot, and how it was such a happy time and keypoint in my life) & with every chapter i always just had fun little scenarios.

i’m in a healing period right now, but i feel so good. i love being able to have the free will to create and it brings me so much joy. i’m not sure if this is weird but after getting to the Water Seven/Enie’s Lobby arcs, i couldn’t help but see myself in miss Nico Robin. don’t wanna get deep but yeah <33 i figured i’d get back into reading/writing fan-fiction as a hobby, because it allows me to feed my creative side.

but what’s a world without sharing fun little bits and pieces of myself? Scar is very self inspired, and to me it’s like writing my own story in my own way. and i’m having so much fun! allowing myself to be a main character :3

the next post i’ll make about scarlett will be about her weaknesses, her relationships, and probably fun little random facts about her. if you guys ever want to ask about her, please send them through!! i love being inspired <3

if you’re coming from a drabble from my main sideblog (@luffysinterlude) this is inspired with bits and pieces of my earlier oc Cupid, but Athena and Scarlett, in my head are the same person. i might switch up sometimes and write in a reader’s perspective (especially for fluff and comfort scenes) because i feel like we all need a lil light in our lives :p

[sssrha]

transcription of slides under the cut:

[SLIDE 1] the vibes ao3’s top 9 mdzs ships give me (a really stupid thing i made on a lazy saturday)

[SLIDE 2] wangxian: the wholesome canon relationship (with a hint of spice)

ok maybe calling the union between a demonic cultivator and a secret sex fiend “wholesome” isnt exactly accurate…but that’s where the “hint of spice” comes in

other than that tho? i remember seeing a meme somewhere about wangxian and sangcheng and wangxian was described as “domestic gays with a house and a white picket fence and two kids” and honestly? yes 

not that they cant be freaky. id say their particular brand of freakiness is vaguely surrealist suburban horror. make of that what you will

[SLIDE 3] xicheng: either its “pair the spares” or just about trauma

their dynamic is 500% “karen/enabling husband” but like in a good way

objectively the best-dressed couple you will ever meet. like seriously why are you even trying? theyve got you beat

jc would own a flower shop and punch you in the face for saying a single bad thing about his flowers. lxc would own a tattoo parlor and hand you a lollipop and tell you how proud he is of you for not crying while he gave you a tattoo

they dont strike me as a “every evening we relax and watch the sunset” type of relationship B U T every other week they go stargazing with a detailed map of the night sky

[SLIDE 4] xiyao: either a) the angst of betraying/being betrayed or b) the angst of killing/being killed

high society gays. they would both unironically wear tuxedos to a mcdonalds. lxc would see it as a fun couples thing and jgy would do it to assert his dominance

i swear they would be among the smiliest of the major couples. only one of them would give you a happy smile

dont mess with them. no like dont mess with any of the couples but so far jgy is the first one who would make your life living hell and keep you around long enough to suffer the consequences

[SLIDE 5] sangcheng: being simultaneously over- and underestimated

i saw a meme about sangcheng and wangxian where sangcheng was described as something along the lines of “wine aunt and vodka uncle” and honestly? yes

they’re both human disasters. nhs would have various splotches of color on his clothes and you cant tell if it was intentional or if theyre actually stains. jc is very neat and organized but will have a mental breakdown at the slightest inconvenience

sometimes they just sit down across from each other and. cry. its how they bond

idk why it popped into my head but they’re both ace Because I Said So

[SLIDE 6] xuexiao: cute domesticity but also murder

i refuse to believe that xy is anything but unhinged in every universe. whether or not thats a good thing is up to you

xy could and would murder you in your sleep and not feel bad about it until xxc told him off. even then he might still decide it was worth it

xxc doesnt exactly know about The Murder Stuff(TM) but he knows some shit is off but he trusts xy enough to not comment on it

they would meet and hook up in a bar and mutually decide that they may as well stay together for the rest of their lives the next morning

[SLIDE 7] xuanli: the token straights (but also? theyre really cute???)

i did not expect them to be as cute as they were but here i am

anyway jyl has jzxuan wrapped around her little finger and shes just too nice to use that to her advantage

if jyl asked jzxuan for some chocolate jzxuan would just buy her the entire hershey company and forget to give her an actual chocolate bar and jyl is too sweet to actually say anything about it

they would definitely have like 20 children. theyd fucking love being parents. the moment having another child became dangerous theyd start adopting left and right. theyre rich they can afford it and their hearts are big enough for all their kids so why would they not?

[SLIDE 8] songxiao: childhood friends to lovers AND perfect power couple

i know they have more nuance than this but i cant help but think of them as The Perfect Couple(TM)

not shipping-wise!! i mean like. theyre both law-abiding citizens. their house looks like a model house. theyre dressed super neat and handsomely. they both know cpr and first aid and one of them is a lawyer and the other is an award winning writer. idk who is who but yk.

they are who people call to deal with problems instead of the police and they delight in that fact. that is what i mean by them being The Perfect Couple(TM)

[SLIDE 9] chengxian: disasters through and through

uhh i am going to be spending the entirety of this slide ignoring the fact that i personally consider them siblings

they would live in a dingy studio apartment in the heart of a city and theyd both never be home

theyre both super fucking rich but theyd never have any money on hand so dont be surprised if they just starve out on the street one day because theyre just that stupid

they collectively have the self esteem of rotting cabbage but theyre keeping themselves and each other alive purely out of spite and sheer force of will

[SLIDES 10] nielan: childhood friends to lovers AND himbo power couple

psst heres a secret: neither of them are actually himbos

H O W E V E R they both 500% pretend they are. they intentionally act as stupid as possible just for the fun of it

the best part is when they stop acting stupid when something important happens. crouching-moron-hidden-badass at its finest

also the older brother energy is overflowing. it does not matter who you are or how old you are. if you meet them then youre going to walk away with two new big brothers

[SLIDES 11] the end (unless i gather the willpower to make a part 2)

[luvdsc]

too hot! hot damn!

what do you get when you mix red and blue together?

pairing :: lee taeyong x reader genre :: fluff / boyfriend au word count :: 2,121 words warnings :: a tiny paragraph about making out playlist :: cherry kisses (chungha) ⋆ daft pretty boys (bad suns) ⋆ hands on me (taeyeon) ⋆ crash my car (coin) ⋆ shy (hunny) author’s note :: to the insanely talented goddess who wrote the first nct fic i ever read nearly 3 years ago and still love to this day!!! i didn’t think i’d ever get to be friends with one of my favoritest writers on here, but here we are :’) ily els @taeyongtime​ ♡ 

“It’s hot.”

You’re draped across the old, yet still very plush couch, the kitschy pattern spread across it now fondly regarded as one of the things that transforms this dingy little place from a shoebox apartment into home. The thin spaghetti strap of your faded tie-dyed tank top from your old sorority days hangs limply off of your shoulder, threatening to fall even more when you slump over to the left. The simple drawstring shorts you have on barely cover your legs, but you contemplate tossing them off still because it’s just. So. Damn. Hot.

“It’s hot!” you whine even louder, throwing your arms up in the air before letting them flop down onto the cushions dramatically. The nearby open window only blows in a measly little breeze that does nothing except dry the sweat on your skin for a few glorious seconds before it reappears like a stubborn stain. Your boyfriend only raises an eyebrow at you from his spot on the floor, sprawled out in front of said window and using one of his Nylon magazines as a makeshift fan.

Taeyong agrees, flapping the glossy pages in front of his face desperately. “It’s too hot.”

Two days consisting of barely surviving the power outage creeps into a third, the prospect of having AC again anytime soon becoming extremely bleak. The transformer had completely blown out, and the electric company finally sent out a crew to fix it earlier this morning. The estimated restoration was initially set to noon, but it was pushed back until 3 p.m., then 6 p.m., then 10 p.m., then 5 a.m., and now the big black bolded letters spelling out “undetermined” mocks you from the screen of your phone that's already set to the lowest brightness setting to conserve battery.

To make it worse, your city was suffering a heat wave, temperatures spiking to 105 degrees Fahrenheit every single day and simmering down to 80 during the night before climbing the thermostat again. The raging thunderstorm that plagued last night only resulted in unexpected humidity, making your clothes stick to you like a second skin.

“Make it less hot,” you moan, blowing air upwards towards your forehead in an attempt to cool down in the slightest way possible.

“I can’t control the weather, babe, but I can get you a popsicle?” Taeyong sluggishly pushes himself into a sitting position to face you. The shiny magazine in his hand still flounders around until he gives up on it and tosses it aside.

You turn your head, cheek pressing into the couch cushion, as you squint at him. “We don’t have any left. We took all our food from the fridge to Doyoung’s place. I can’t believe that bastard has a gigantic generator and is flourishing in his stupid air conditioned apartment and making frozen sangrias, while his best friends are about to die from heatstroke.”

You had sent back a rather crass Snapchat back to Doyoung after he sent one earlier of his perfect, Instagram story worthy, iced alcoholic beverage. It’s honestly a miracle that he didn’t toss your beloved brown sugar boba ice cream bars out onto his pristine balcony with picture perfect potted plants to perish. That man can still hold onto a grudge even after he’s on his deathbed and descending into the fiery pits.

Taeyong stands up and slowly ambles towards the refrigerator. “I saved two popsicles in the freezer. I figured it’d stay cold enough and not melt if we ate them soon.”

“Oh my god, that’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.” You struggle to push yourself up into a sitting position before finally being able to, watching your boyfriend open the freezer and pull out the last two saving graces.

“Do you want blue raspberry or cherry?”

He holds out the two icy sweets in front of you, one in each hand. You already know that he secretly wants the red one; it’s been his favorite ever since he was five and tried his very first one from the ice cream truck that still comes around his parents’ neighborhood. But you also know that he always lets you choose first and wouldn’t complain if you take that one.

You reach out and pluck the blue one from his grasp, and he smiles happily, eyes crinkling in the corners as he eagerly unwraps the cherry flavored one and shoves it in his mouth, tossing the wrapper into the nearby wicker trash basket.

He drops down onto the empty space next to you, reclining back and slouching in his seat. The two of you sit there peacefully, side by side and enjoying the cold snacks, until he wordlessly slides over, pressing the side of his arm and leg against yours.

“Move back,” you complain, shoving him over to his original position. “It’s hot, and you’re making it worse.”

“So are you calling me hot?” Taeyong wriggles his eyebrows at you before taking a bite of his popsicle, much to your horror. He moves closer to you again for the sole sake of annoying you.

“First off, I’m calling you sweaty. Secondly, did you just bite your ice cream?” You throw him a dirty look before moving over and turning to sit with your back against the arm rest, throwing your legs over his lap.

Taeyong slightly pouts at you, munching on yet another chunk of his popsicle and ignoring the way you wrinkle your nose in disdain. “What’s wrong with that? It’s melting, and I don’t want it to drip and get my hand all sticky.”

You can’t believe that you just discovered your boyfriend is a psychopath. He’s going to the same circle of hell as people who pour milk in before cereal and those who hate mint chocolate chip ice cream once he leaves this earth (He can even say hi to Doyoung as he descends to eternal damnation).

“Why didn’t you say anything about this before we started dating?” You are absolutely appalled. Horrified. Disgusted. This is the biggest relationship deal breaker you have ever come across.

“Next, you’re gonna say you hate me because I don’t like pineapple on pizza,” he says as his free hand settles on the top of your thigh, gently tapping rhythmically against it absentmindedly.

“Oh my god, you absolute heathen.” You really thought Taeyong was the perfect man of your dreams, but you unfortunately realize belatedly that even he has flaws. Some inexcusable ones, in fact. 

In the midst of your lamenting, you fail to notice melting sugar slowly trickling down until it leaves a sticky mess all over your hand. Desperately, you toss the empty popsicle stick into the nearby waste basket before licking off the remnants of your icy blue treat from your fingers.

“See? It melted all over you. I told you so,” Taeyong childishly sticks out his tongue as he waves his clean hand and empty popsicle stick around as if to emphasize his point.

“Your tongue’s red,” you say, chuckling slightly, and his eyes widen at this newfound revelation.

“Wait, stick out your tongue,” he demands as he throws away the wooden stick, and you comply with his request. He grins, delighted. “Yours is blue!”

He sticks out his tongue again, almost going cross eyed as he tries to catch a glimpse of his own. At that, your eyes zero in on his cherry stained lips, and an ingenious idea pops up in your mind as the sudden urge to kiss your boyfriend silly makes itself very known.

“Hey, wanna play a game, Yongie?” you ask slyly, and his attention immediately turns to you at the word “game,” interest piqued and eyes fixated on you.

“What kind of game?” he inquires cautiously, taking note of the mischievous glimmer in your eyes. You look like you’re up to no good, and your boyfriend wouldn’t be surprised if you have something up your metaphorical sleeve (Because nobody sane enough would be wearing something with sleeves in this weather from hell. In fact, you’re 66.6% percent certain that those fiery pits are probably cooler compared to here).

“Too hot.”

“Yes, it is,” he acknowledges, shaking his head in agreement, and you laugh, fanning yourself with your hands. “No, silly, I meant the game.” 

“It’s called ‘too hot’?” He raises an eyebrow at you, and you confirm, nodding your head. The expression of skepticism on his face says it all, so you throw in your bargaining chip.

“I hid a chocolate bar in the freezer’s ice chest. The winner can have it.”

His doe eyes immediately light up at the mention of his favorite sweet, and he grabs your hand, squeezing it tightly. “Okay, how do I play?”

“We kiss,” you start, and he’s already pulling you towards him enthusiastically, causing soft laughter to bubble up from your throat, before you swat his hands away. “Hey, hey, hey, I wasn’t done explaining it yet! There’s no touching allowed.”

“That’s no fun,” Taeyong whines, lips jutting out into a tiny pout that you want to kiss away already. “You said this is a game. Games are supposed to be fun.”

“But you’re getting kisses, and it’s already hot so it’s better this way,” you coax, and he relents with a drawn out sigh, and you quietly cheer. “Okay, ready?”

Taeyong gives you a tiny nod, and you grin before leaning in, eyes fluttering close. You gently place your lips against his, and he holds still. But then, a few seconds later, you feel his fingers barely grazing your cheek, and you immediately pull away with a frown.

“Baby, I told you that you can’t touch!”

“That rule is dumb,” he complains, crossing his arms over his chest like a petulant child. You frown at him, pouting until he gives in again because it’s you and he’d cross oceans and climb mountains for you.

“Okay, let’s try again,” he grumbles, glowering as he absentmindedly cards his hand through his hair, and you positively beam at him, and the sulking expression on his face softens almost instantly.

“What if we do baby steps first?” You pull your legs up onto the couch, sitting up on your knees and facing him. He fully turns to look at you, head cocked to one side.

“What do you mean?”

You lean forward and peck his cheek before moving back to your original position. “Like that. Now your turn.”

A lightbulb goes off in his head, and Taeyong leans forward and gingerly places a kiss on your forehead with an endearing smile. You inch forward and kiss his other cheek. He plants a tiny kiss to the tip of your nose, and you lean in to delicately leave a kiss on the corner of his mouth. He presses a kiss to the corner of your lips, and you do the same to the opposite side, much to his utter frustration.

This time, Taeyong chases after you when you pull away. You let out a noise of surprise as he gently tugs you forward, crashing his lips against yours and muffling your laughter, and you find yourself straddling your boyfriend. Your hands wind up tangled in his hair, while his arms lock around your waist and hold you close, game be damned.

You can taste a faint trace of cherry, causing the corners of your mouth to curl into the minutest hint of a smile before you press your mouth against his more firmly as he kisses you back eagerly until you both run out of air, pulling away breathlessly with identical smiles.

“You lost,” you tease, poking his cheek with your finger as your other hand curls around his shirt. He makes a face at you, his hands still resting on your waist, and you find that you don’t mind the warmth of them against your skin even in this ruthlessly blazing weather.

“But you’ll share the chocolate, right?” he mumbles, face still flushed and lips redder than before. He traces soft patterns against your hip as you tilt your head to the side, faking your hesitation.

“Hmm, I don’t know, should I? I won fair and square.”

He sticks his tongue out at you. “Meanie.” 

You laugh, sliding off his lap and onto the empty seat next to him (albeit a little unwillingly, but it’s still hot as hell unfortunately, and conserving body heat together isn’t helping at all). Your boyfriend frowns, mostly because you’re no longer sitting in his lap, but partly because he doesn’t understand why you’re laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

Your grin widens, eyes sparkling like you know something he doesn’t (because you do). “Baby, your tongue’s purple.”

Taeyong turns a shade brighter than his favorite popsicle flavor.

[evienyx]

Hey so uh, sorry that this is kinda a personal question and unrelated to what you usually post but you seem really nice and I was wondering how you figured out that you were ace? I’ve been struggling with this myself for a while now, and was just wondering if you had any advice or something. Please don’t feel obligated to respond or anything, I totally get that this is kinda a weird question and might make you uncomfy, so sorry about that in advance. Thanks!

Well, I’m going to start off by saying that everyone is different. You won’t figure it out the same way I figured it out, just like how I didn’t figure it out the same way any of my friends did. That’s all right. Take all the time that you need.

Additionally, I only really figured this out for myself in the last few years, and one day something may happen that I identify with a different sexuality and that’s also okay. This is not a ‘one-and-done’ kinda thing. It’s all right. This is your thing. Yours.

For me, it was around my freshman year of high school that I started realizing that I had never really gotten to that phase where I started obsessing over anyone. Now, in middle school, even though that was the time when a lot of people around me really started going hard into the dating thing, I never did. I skipped a year in school, though, so it would make sense for me to be about a year or so later than everyone else hopping on the hype train of teenhood, but halfway through my first year of high school, it was still pretty mute.

People around me would joke constantly, say things like “Oh, well, once she gets her first crush, everything will change.” I remember distinctly my cousin asking me if I had a crush on anyone, and then me saying no, and then my grandma patting me on the cheek and saying “You just haven’t found the right boy yet.”

So, for most of freshman year, I sort of just accepted what people around me said, that I was a “late-bloomer” and I would one day fall for someone hard and everything would make sense. 

When the end of freshman year came around, I was quite sure that I was just another straight girl, who would get the whole ‘attraction thing’ soon enough. 

As the months went on, though, I realized a few things.

1. Whatever thing was meant to change, didn’t come to fruition.

2. I was perfectly fine and open to dating someone, but I didn’t care about what they looked like. When friends and cousins and the like would show pictures of actors and talk about how hot the actor was, I’d agree, but almost completely on a baseline objective level.

and 3. I was completely uninterested in the idea of sex. I didn’t seek it out, or care about it. It was barely even spared a thought in my mind.

I started thinking that there might be something wrong with me, or that maybe I had felt sexual attraction toward someone, and I just hadn’t noticed. But the further into the year I got, the more I came to recognize the fact that that was not the case. 

I recall on one specific wet day in the late winter of that year, I was walking my dog on the one day the temperatures were slightly decent, and I was just scrolling through the internet aimlessly when I noticed something that caught my eye. It was a post (which I cannot find) of around two dozen pride flags, each with a name and description of the sexaulity or gender identity it represented.

That day, walking the dog through slush that got melting snow stuck to his paws and mud clinging to my boots, as the temperature prepared to drop below freezing for another week, I learned, for the first time, what Asexuality was.

I had seen the flag before, of course, and heard the term ‘ace,’ but I had never looked into it, thought about it. I didn’t think much of it at that moment, either. I just filed it away and moved on to exhale sharply through my nose at whatever ‘Stonks’ meme came up on my feed next.

Quite a while (as in, literal years) passed, though, and I found myself thinking about the idea of ‘Asexuality’ that I had heard about more and more. 

The one thing that really held me back was the fact that I was fine with the concept of having sex with someone, though I was only really interested in doing it for the experience/intimacy, and possibly in the future to have a child, and I thought to myself, “I can’t be Asexual if I want to have a kid. That’s not how it works.”

Surprisingly (or maybe not surprisingly at all), there was one thing that really did it for me in the end, and that was when Muffin ( @muffinlance ) announced on Tumblr (in a post I cannot find) that she was going to be having a baby.

An asexual (married too, so take that grandma!), having a baby. While still being asexual.

I looked into it, discovered the idea of someone being Asexual Sex-Positive, Sex-Neutral, or Sex-Negative. I found out, truly, about the idea of being Demisexual, or Gray Axsexual. The idea of an Asexuality Spectrum was opened up to me, and I realized suddenly that all of my worries, everything that had been holding me back, didn’t matter. 

My Tumblr bio shortly after changed from ‘she/her’ to ‘she/her, ace’ and it was one of the best feelings in the entire world. I don’t quite think I’ll ever be able to describe to someone who never went through the experience of finally feeling like your belong, if only for that one moment.

(also, currently, I’m of the opinion that I am either Biromantic or Panromantic. I’m leaning more towards bi, but I’m completely open still. I also have still not dated a single person ever, so who knows. That’s not what this is about, just thought I’d mention it)

You should take all the time you need, find what fits you. It’s weird to hear, and it’s hard to do, but I’m quite sure that once you find it, you’ll know it.

Last holiday season, while at a gathering with the more intensely religious and traditional side of my family, a cousin of mine sang “I Kissed a Boy,” by Adele, but changed the lyrics to “I Kissed a Girl,” so as not to appear ‘gay’ in any way, shape, or form. 

I noticed a different cousin of mine looking a bit upset while he sang the song, and so I talked to her alone afterward to see if they were all right, and after just a few minutes of speaking about nothing in particular, he came out to me in a hallway at a holiday party when no one else but me was around. And, in return, I did the same and came out to them.

He was the first family member I ever came out to, and that was the first time I truly told someone my sexuality. I told them I was asexual, and they accepted it and we hugged and it was one of the more exhilarating moments of my entire life.

So, in the end, how did I figure out I was ace?

I just sort of did. I feel I could have done more research earlier than I did, but that’s all right. It all worked out. I figured it out, and I promise you will, too. And if you get it wrong a few times before you get it right? That’s perfectly okay, too.

Anyway, one more additional personal thought about something I noticed that I think is kinda weird:

Muffin and her actions and stuff are so weirdly tied to such random core parts of my life. I published the first chapter of Fractures because I was encouraged and inspired when I saw her own stories. I finally figured out my sexuality and felt like I belonged, like one of those flags was mine, because of her. It’s just a bit crazy to me. Thanks, I guess, Muffin.

All right, that’s about it. I hope this helps, at least a bit. 

I wish you the best, anon, in figuring out who you are. You can take as long as you need or want, you don’t need to stick to a choice. This is your identity. This is yours. Not a single person gets a choice in the matter besides you. Good luck, and remember, you’ve always got me in your corner. If anyone ever gives you shit about this kinda thing, send ‘em my way. I did Tae Kwon Do for two-and-a-half years, and I’m also constantly fueled by spite and Twix bars. We’re all here for you. 

That goes for anyone. Don’t be afraid to embrace who you are. I’m proud of you, we’re all proud of you. This is who you are. Enjoy it.

[whirlybirdwhat]

Prompt: ASL give Dadan a father's day card. (She threatens to kill them but she keeps the card)

hehehehe this is late BUT HERE WE GOOOOOO

bear hag tiger bandit dad mom

read on ao3 here

“Hey guys.” Ace started out of nowhere, as he and his brothers laid down, staring at the sky from their usual cliffside spot. “What even… is Dadan.”

A beat of quiet.

“A hag!” Luffy said delightedly, giggling as he rolled over to stare at Ace. “An ugly one! Or even a bear! Oh she’s a bear-hag! A bear-hag-tiger-bandit!” He then gasped dramatically, stars in his eyes. “DO YOU THINK SHE CAN HAVE CLAWS! AND FANGS!”

“No! Idiot!” Sabo thumped Luffy on the head without even moving from his position on his back. “Dadan isn’t a bear. Or a tiger. She is a hag though.” He nodded, as if he had made an excellent, proper point.

Ace groaned at his brothers. “No! I mean what even is she to like… us. Not anybody else.”

“What do you mean?” Sabo rolled over as well to look at Ace, who was staunchly refusing to look at anyone else and whose face was turning a brilliant shade of red.

“I mean… like she kinda watches over us right? Does that make her kinda like a parent?”

Sabo cocked his head to the side, thinking. “I mean… maybe? She does give us food and medicine sometimes.”

“NO! THAT’S NOT DADAN! THAT’S –“ Luffy was quickly cut off by a hit to the head from Sabo.

“The Mystery Doctor isn’t real, Luffy, its just Dadan in a shitty mustache.”

Luffy looked to the side disgruntled. “Hmph.”

“GUYS! Focus!” Ace finally rolled over to face his brothers, so now they were finally all looking at each other. “What is Dadan? A Parent? A Mom?”

“I never had a mom before! Or a dad! Is Dadan a dad? Or a mom?” Luffy chattered, jumping on the possibility.

“Neither have I. That’s why I’m wondering.” Ace ignored the latter half of Luffy’s comment. Sometimes it was better to allow him to ramble than to try to make sense of it all. “Sabo you had parents right? What were they like?”

“Shitty.”

“Well, duh. No shit. What else?” Ace prompted, Luffy finally having quieted about Dadan being a tiger-bear-dad-mom beside him, and both staring attentively at Sabo.

(Because, well. They were children who never really had a home beside each other. Dadan was the closest thing Ace ever got, Luffy never had more than spare moments when the bar wasn’t busy, and both never knew anyone that could have been called dad, or mom, or anything of the sort – no one who stayed that is.

Ace hated his dad, and loved his mom (and hated himself, for all that he did,) and Luffy simply didn’t think he had any parents to feel anything about.

Still, Ace wondered, and things that his brothers wondered about, Luffy wondered about.)

Sabo placed his hand on his chin as if to think better. “Well. If we’re figuring out what Dadan was closest to, my mom was kind of like… Eh. She just cared about appearances and looking pretty and shit like that.”

Luffy and Ace nodded as one. “That’s not Dadan.” Dadan might wear make-up and beads, but she was a mountain bandit who was never really seen by people other than her clan or her victims. She didn’t really care about stuff like that. Even if she did get pissed when they stole the lipstick she kept hidden in her back closet for war paint.

“And she cared about other kids more than me, and didn’t really bother me until I did something she or someone else didn’t like.”

“Definitely not Dadan.” Luffy and Ace nodded again. Dadan didn’t have any other kids and yelled at them all the time. (Though, that may be because they never did anything they were supposed to do. What did she expect? Chores were boring! )

“What about your dad? What was he like?” Ace prompted, tossing out the idea of ‘mom.’

“Shitty. He always yelled at me and called me names. He was mean about it though. Dadan just looks like she’s about to cry.” Sabo finished, still thinking hard. “I mean… my parents aren’t what everyone else says parents are like though? At least for the kids in Edge Town.”

“Yeah… dads are supposed to protect you right? And be big and strong? And leaders?” Ace questioned, bitterness tracing into his voice.

“And moms are suppose to like take care of you and bring you stuff! Like the Mystery Doc-“

“THAT’S JUST DADAN!” Both Ace and Sabo this time hit Luffy’s head, cutting him off.

“She just comes to check on us, then trips up all our traps! It’s not a Mystery Doctor! Just! Dadan!” Ace spit out.

Luffy whined as the three of them quieted, thinking over everything that they had just said.

Then, Sabo spoke the words that would seal Dadan’s fate.

“If Dadan is kind of like a dad…” She protected them, or tried to in her own way, and was the leader of the Dadan bandits. “And kind of like a mom…” She was the Mystery Doctor, as Luffy called it, and checked up on them while cursing them out in all sorts of nasty ways. “Then… is she a mom and a dad? Is that how that works?”

“Well. We only have one of her. She can be both.” Ace decided. Jungle life left no room for society to state who could or could not be what and… well…

Besides. Maybe mom’s were the protectors sometimes and the leaders, and maybe dads were the caretakers. Ace was pretty sure that could happen. Did happen. Roles were stupid anyway. Just do whatever the fuck you wanted. That’s how Ace and his brothers lived, anyway, how everyone should live.

But…

“Why were you really asking Ace?”

Sabo knew him too well.

“Some of the kids in Edgetown were talking about how they were getting their dads’ shit for Father’s Day or something.”

And Ace wanted to know if he should be making something for anyone (or just wallow in the hatred he had for his dad.)

If he had anyone to make something for.

Luffy doesn’t even question why Ace was lurking around Edgetown kids without them, and sits up with stars in his eyes.

“WE NEED TO MAKE A CARD FOR –“

“SHUT UP!!”  Twin fist slammed into a rubber head as Ace and Sabo cut Luffy’s idea off.

“HEY!”

Or maybe…

“Maybe he has a point.” Sabo hummed, thoughtfully, as they had all settled into the ground.

“What?”

“Maybe we should make a card for Dadan.” Sabo rolled out of the way of Ace’s fist. “No! Think about it! We get to tell her thank you for all the shit she tries to do for us and maybe she’ll stop yelling at us so often!”

Luffy and Ace looked at him as if he were an idiot.

Sabo felt vaguely insulted.

“It’d be super funny to see her face when we give it to her too.”

Luffy and Ace looked at him as if he were a genius.

Now, there was only one question left.

“How the fuck do you make a card anyway?”

-

Dadan woke up peacefully that morning, which was an immediate cause for her to reach for her knife under the bed and spring into action.

She never woke up peacefully anymore. Not since those three brats had taken to crashing the hut in the morning. Either something was wrong, or those brats were playing with her.

She was going to get more gray hairs than Garp at this rate.

Fuck.

Quickly, she scanned her room for any oddities, any thing that would tip her off to whatever the fuck was going on this morning.

Dresser. Mirror. Weapons. Window. Card. Window. Wall. Wea- Wait.

Card?

Dadan stepped closer to the piece of folder thick paper, lying on her dresser, and peered at it closely.

Hapy Father’s Day! It read, in the misspelt handwriting of a child who had previously learned to write well then gave up. It was in black ink, fancy looking, with a smear along the exclamation point and drifting off into the side.

Around it was jungle trees in crayon and something that might have passed as Dadan, if not for the lack of face, and the only visual characteristics being orange curls and red beads and sharp teeth and a angry look.

Curious.

Wait.

SHE WAS A WOMAN!

Damn BRATS!

She ignored the tears at the edge of her eyes and opened the card, knife set to the side.

Dear Dadan, the same handwriting as the front said, this time in dark blue, thickly pressed crayon. Hapy Father’s day. Thank you for taking care of us. Beside the note was a scribbled jolly roger, an S surrounded by crossbones as its signature. Besides that was another scribbly orange blob, this time marginally closer to looking like a person.

Beneath that, on the same page, was careful red print, again in crayon. The words were spaced out, as were the letters, as if the writer didn’t particularly know how many letters were in the word and was waiting for someone to tell them. It read Shitty Old Hag. Thank you for taking care of me. You are stupid but you are strong sometimes. Happy Fathers Day. – Ace

Besides that was some suspicious wet spots, hastily wiped away.  Dadan dabbed her own eyes as to not add to them.

Ace’s artistry skills were slightly better than Sabo’s at least. His version of her was most definitely a person, apparently sitting atop of a bear. She laughed at that, a little.

Her eyes skimmed to the next page, where a monstrosity of black and orange was red was scribbled out. She was vaguely sure it was human. Vaguely. It might have been a bear.

The yellow crayon writing had been outlined in careful strokes by someone clearly not the original writer. DADAN, it seemed to screech, YOU ARE THE BEST BEAR HAG TIGER BANDIT MOM DAD. MOUNTAIN BANDITS SUCK BUT YOUR COOL. – FUTUR KING OF THE PIRATES

Then, on the opposite side of the drawing, in bright orange, LUFFY.

These stupid, stupid kids.

Dadan wasn’t crying. She wasn’t.

Oh how she loved these kids.

She turned the card around one last time, to the message on the back.

This handwriting, graceful and in black ink, was one she recognized. Makino.

Dear Dadan,

I hope this gift doesn’t insult you too bad, the boys were so excited to do it that I just had to help them with supplies! They really do love you, even if they don’t quite grasp the difference between mom and dad. They told me they just decided you could be both. Isn’t that great?

Thank you for being there for our boys Dadan! Happy Father’s Day.

-Makino

Okay. Maybe Dadan was crying right now.

Oh, she hated the fact that she loved these boys.

“Shishishi!”

“Luffy! Shut up!”

THUNK!

Oh, she was going to kill them.

Dadan turned to the window where a top hat, a straw hat, and a quite obvious head of black hair was peeking out over the window sill.

“BOYS!” She raged, setting the card down with care before running to the window.

“RUN!” Came the terrified call, followed by laughter and joy as three boys sprinted away into the woods.

Dadan debated following them, before deciding she would rather they not see her teary-eyed face.

Ah.

She might not be the best parent, but she did alright at least. Enough to get a card on a holiday.

Dadan loved her boys.

She really did.

[loserholland]

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐲

Pairing ➺ Spencer Reid x SSA!Reader

Warning ➺ None really, just flashbacks to episodes from season 7 

Word Count ➺  6,408

Summary ➺  When the Reader needs a date to her sister’s wedding, Spencer volunteers to be her date.

A/N ➺ Please enjoy! Maybe I’ll do a part two, who knows! But the bold text are the readers thoughts (:

✿ 𝓟𝓮𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 ✿ - @loveyathreethousand @taronxfiction @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine@spideyyypeter @lou-la-lou @babebenhardy @rivervixenbaby @acklesholland@zabdisamor @keepingupwiththehollands @sweet666pea @sspider-parker@jackiehollanderr @caro0512 @thewinchesterchronicles @cporter003@kisses-holland @spideysnugget @cryszus @sunflowerharrystyles@peterunderoos @jessybellsworld @spider-mendes @ohbabycal​ 

@nerdgirljen​ 

@iloveyou3000morgan @random-things-i-love

*The strike through your name just means I couldn’t tag you, please message me if anything*

☞  Masterlist  ☜

“Shots!” 

Garcia shouted as she placed a the tray onto the table of the booth, it had been one hell of a long week and they finally had a free night. And with a free night meant head to the local bar make it one hell of a night.

Everyone reached for a shot glass whereas Reid raised his glass of Arnold Palmer.

The bar was slightly packed, mostly by FBI agents, the sound of music plus the amount of chatter in the club brought a smile to everyone’s faces. It’s been a while since they had gone to the bar as a team.

The booth was filled with laughter, the team had been talking about anything and everything, passing around jokes about one another.

Originally it was supposed to be a girls night, but the boys had begged that they allow we allow them to join. Well Rossi and Morgan were the ones who pleaded and insisted on dragging Reid and Hotch along.

(Y/N) felt her phone vibrate causing her to bring it out of her pocket wondering who was texting her at this time.

𝘚𝘰 𝘸𝘩𝘰’𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦?

She groaned loudly reaching for another shot placing her phone face down on the table. Morgan raised his brows lightly noticing her sudden mood change.

“What’s up with you (Y/L/N)?”

(Y/N) leaned back into the booth drawing out a long sigh before answering “Nothing, my sister was just asking who’s my date to her wedding which is next week.” 

Rossi chuckled lightly before asking, “Who’s the lucky fellow?”

Yeah that’s the thing

There was no lucky fellow.

“Funny story..”

The team had just gotten back from Atlantic city. It was one of those cases where Hotch had given the team a long weekend off.

(Y/N) sighed lightly opening the door to her apartment kicking her boots off as she entered and locking the door behind her. Shrugging her coat off and placing it on the coat rack, she walked over to the kitchen placing the stacks of mail she had gotten before coming upstairs. 

After one hell of a week, she opened a new bottle of red wine and poured it into a glass before heading into her room for a nice hot bath.Once she was done relaxing she headed back into the kitchen, sorting through her mail till she stumbled upon a wedding invitation.

𝗝𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝘂𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗱𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗳 𝗥𝘆𝗮𝗻 𝗔𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗲𝘁 (𝗬/𝗟/𝗡)

“𝘋𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘱𝘵𝘴”

“𝘙𝘦𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴”

“Are you bringing a date?” (Y/N) mumbled to herself as she read the options to check off, of course only Scarlet would want to include that.

Not, number attending but are you bringing a date. Letting out a deep sigh her eyes gaze over to the pictures scattered over the fridge. (Y/N) was the second oldest of four siblings. She was the one out of four siblings to not be:

One- Married

Two-Soon to be married

and Three

Recently engaged.

Without thinking, she grabbed a pen and checked off to where we are now.

Morgan bursted into a fit of laugher before saying in between breathes “So, what I’m hearing is you don’t have a date?”

She glared at Morgan sticking her tongue out at him like a five year old child. It was already bad enough that every time she goes home to visit her family will ask: “Found anyone special?”

“Yeah, I don’t.”

It was a simple mistake, and well that simple mistake left her with no date. The last thing she wanted was to text her sister, “I actually have no date lmao.” because if that were to happen bridezilla would make quite the show. And she’d also never hear the end of that. Now, she has a week to find a date. That can’t be that hard right? Just who?

Morgan could barley catch his breath, (Y/N) kicked his ankle in annoyance “It’s not funny Derek! All I hear from my aunts are, oh you’ll find someone sweetie or you’re getting order you’ll find someone soon enough!” she leaned her head against the wall continuing to glare at Morgan.

“I could be your date.” Spencer spoke up trying to ease the tension that filled the booth.

Emily used her foot to nudge (Y/N) leg, she glared at the woman sitting across from her who wore an amused smile. (Y/N) glanced over at Penelope and JJ who also had the same expression on their face.

His brows furrowed, he didn’t see anything wrong with what he offered so- why was everyone staring?

“What? I-It was a suggestion.. that’s all.” His nose crinkled as he spoke pressing his lips into a thin line focusing his attention to the table in front of him.

Spencer may have an IQ of 187, and (Y/N) may be the youngest and second smartest of the team. These two are blind. Literally blind. It was quite obvious that boy wonder and miss.young and beautiful (well said from the one and only Penelope Garcia) have feelings for one another. 

If there was someone who can talk Spencer down, to get him to bring his walls down, it was (Y/N). Just a few months ago when everyone found out that Emily was in fact alive and not dead, everyone was happy that she was alive but that also came with being questioned by the Senate Committee for our retaliatory action.

But before Emily had came back everyone was dealing with her death differently.

There are five stages of grief:

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

With those five stages, everyone deals with their emotions differently. (Y/N) and Garcia did as much as they could to honor Emily’s name. Whereas Morgan felt guilty, telling himself he if he were there a second early he could’ve saved her. Spencer took it the hardest, he had gone to JJ’s house crying for almost 10 weeks.

Now with Emily back, the team felt back to normal. Well, some what back to normal. We had been called to Oklahoma, and it wouldn’t be a lie to say Spencer was not Spencer adding into the conversation or throwing in "Did you know.. facts”

He was quiet, distant.

“It’s too late alright!”

“Reid?” Emily spoke only watching as walked away.

(Y/N) looked at Hotch before saying “I’ll go talk to him.” giving her a nod of approval she grabbed one of the car keys and headed out towards Spencer.

Running out she watched as he continued to walk away, “Spencer!” she shouted yet no response.

“Spencer Walter Reid!”

Nothing

“Reid!”

The nearly 6’1 genius continued to walk away ignoring your calls. 

“Hey loverboy! I am talking to you! You know I don’t like being ignored!”

Spencer stopped in his tracks throwing his head back lightly “I don’t want to talk.” he spoke without turning around.

The heels of her boots clicked against the sidewalk once she was next to him she linked her arm with his pulling him towards one of the SUVS.

“Who said I wanted to talk? What if I wanted to get some coffee.”

Luckily there was a coffee shop that was a few blocks down the road, the car ride was silent- comfortable silence. (Y/N) never pushed Spencer to talk, she waited patiently for him to bring it up on his own.

In which, he did.

“I cried.. for ten weeks (Y/N).. ten weeks back to back.”

His voice barley above a whisper.

(Y/N) brought her right hand forward taking ahold of his left giving him a reassuring squeeze.

“Spencer, Hotch and JJ kept Emily safe. The less people knew that Emily was alive, the better because Doyle was still out there. If he found out Emily was still alive, he would’ve gone after not only Emily but the rest of the team as well. Trust me, it’s odd to have Emily back I mean we ‘buried’ her for christ sakes. But she’s here, with us again. Not six feet. under. I can’t speak for JJ but, I know she never meant to intentionally hurt your feelings or make you feel vulnerable. We were bound to find out sooner or later Spence.”

Truth be told, (Y/N) hated seeing Spencer sad and angry. Something she never saw all that often but knew him being sad made her feel sad.

They had spent an hour an a half in the coffee shop, now they were walking back into the station. Slowly Spencer had opened up more, she let him go uninterrupted allowing him to speak as she listened.

“Thank you by the way.”

(Y/N) smiled nudging him with her elbow, “Anytime loverboy.”

-

"Look at pretty boy go!” Morgan chuckled raising his enclosed fist towards Spencer who awkwardly fist bumped him back. She watched as he pursed his lip his gaze fixed on his drink avoiding eye contact with the rest of the team and especially (Y/N).

Hotch sighed lightly glancing at his phone before giving Rossi a nod, “I better get going, I don’t want Jessica to stay too late. Have a nice weekend guys, I don’t want to see any of you at the office.” 

It was just fifteen minutes past eleven and everyone was ready to head home and call it a night. Stepping out of the nearly now packed bar greeted by the cool air of Washington D.C. They had bid their goodbyes and headed to their cars. 

All she could think about was what Spencer had said, “I could be your date.” I mean, there is no problem with him being her date right? Beside the fact that you have a huge fat third grade crush on boy genius. 

Once she got home she kicked off her boots padding over to the kitchen for a glass of water placing her belongings on her couch. A loud ding echoed throughout her apartment, it may be her sister again wondering who her date is.

Grabbing her phone out of her purse the notification flashed across the screen:

A message from Scarlet. Swiping her thumb across the screen unlocking her phone to read the message.

𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰? 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘰'𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦?

𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦?

𝘊𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸.

𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘰𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘢𝘥 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘢𝘵 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘭?

𝘏𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘰?

𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥, 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦.

𝘗𝘴, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘢𝘩 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘦!

“Love you too whore.” (Y/N) mumbled placing her phone onto the coffee table walking away to her room to get changed. Another loud ding caught her attention, “I thought she was going to sleep?” (Y/N) thought to herself.

Instead it was a message from Emily.

𝘚𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘦𝘴! 𝘛𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦!!

Plopping herself onto her couch running her fingers through her hair.

He’s awake right? I mean it’s only twelve-fifteen? She held her phone in her hand tapping it lightly against her thigh contemplating whether or not to call him. 

“Just call him.” she mumbled to herself

Her family didn’t have any problems with Spencer. The one thing she’ll never forget is when he had told you father "The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss." The look on your fathers face was priceless.

Besides that her family had no problems with Spencer. They just describe him as being bit awkward and rambles on about well anything. It’s almost been four years since she joined the BAU. She was lucky enough to join at the age of twenty-three. And she’s been with them ever since.

When (Y/N) first joined the team Jason Gideon had just recently retired and David Rossi had returned voluntarily. You know that new kid feeling? New school, fresh faces, no friends? Yeah, that was the was her current feeling.

(Y/N) had barley gotten any sleep the night before. She felt anxious, tossing and turning the almost the entire night only to get about three hours of sleep. She had gotten up thirty minutes before her alarm, and had gotten there thirty minutes early.

Now she was currently sitting in SSA Aaron Hotchner’s office. You’ve heard many amazing things about his team, they are truly one of the best. Brushing her hands against her skirt for what felt like the hundredth time.

Pull yourself together, there’s nothing to be worried about.

“Agent (Y/L/N), would you like to meet the team?” Hotch spoke, (Y/N) turned her attention to the door giving him a nod of approval. Standing from her seat she followed him into the conference room.

“You’ll be fine.”

(Y/N) chuckled lightly, “Sorry, I’m just extremely nervous.” he smiled lightly opening the door to the conference room, the only person she knew was David Rossi, the BAU wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Gideon and Rossi.

“SSA (Y/L/N), this is SSA-”

“David Rossi, I’ve read your books and they are magnificent.” Rossi chuckled lightly sticking his hand out for her to shake in which (Y/N) gladly shook. She had just met one of the greatest profilers of all time.

(Y/N) looked up at Hotch before quickly apologizing “This is SSA Prentiss.” The beautiful raven haired woman smiled “Emily, nice to meet you.” moving to the man standing next to her “SSA Morgan.” he smiled shaking her hand “Derek.”

“(Y/N).” she replied.

“Our Communications Liaison Jennifer Jareau.”

“You can call me JJ.”

“Our tech analysis Penelope Garcia.”

Finally, the last person whom she had grown closes too.

“And Doctor Spencer Reid.”

That was your team. And they were more welcoming than you thought they would be, they were your second family. If you guys weren’t on a case, you’d be at the bar raking up Rossi’s tab. You were able to talk to them about almost anything, if you needed time off Hotch understood.

The first year she had worked with the team, they were very welcoming. Hotch had partnered you with Spencer most of the time, either you two would check out the M.E or stay back at the police department. It was safe to say it was a bit awkward at first when you were partnered with Spencer. But, she wouldn’t have wanted to be partnered with anyone else.

“Hello?”

Shit! He’s awake. Wait, when did I call him up?

“(Y/N)?”

Say something, he knows you’re on the other end of the line.

“Are you okay?’

Are you having a stroke right now? Say something!

“H-hi, sorry to bother you so late.”

It was fifteen minutes to one, did it really take me almost thirty minutes to call him?

“It’s fine, just getting a little bit of reading in. Did you need something?”

She bit the bottom of her lip getting up from her seat on her couch, just say it! Tell him you’d love to have him as a date.

“If your offer still stands.. I’d love to have you be my date.” she paced around her living room. Please say yes, this would be totally awkward if you said no but- you did offer to be my date?

Spencer smiled widely “Yes! I-I mean of course, I mean- I’d love to accompany you.” though (Y/N) couldn’t see him she knew he had his hand covered over his eyes mentally curing at himself.

“Great! I’ll text you the details tomorrow? Thank you again Spencer, I appreciate it.” 

“Y-yeah cool cool, um good night, sleep tight.. don’t let the bed bugs bite.” 

He could be such a dork sometimes. A cute dork. Rambling on until someone says something or he’d catch himself and apologize. Usually the team would exchange looks but, you’d sit there listening intently. It’s amazing that someone so young has already three PhD’s and as the genius said himself “I just keep getting PhD’s”

“Good night loverboy.”

Spencer had his nicknames, from Pretty boy, boy wonder, kid, doc etc.

Loverboy however, kinda just slipped. They had been working a case and Spencer was deep in his thoughts, she had been trying to get his attention for the last five minutes. When she had said it, he cheeks were painted a deep shade of red. Ever since then, the nickname just stuck.

(Y/N) tossed her phone onto the couch squealing loudly, surely enough she knew one of her neighbors would file a complaint against her but she didn’t care. All she cared about was the fact that Spencer Reid was her wedding date, and she couldn’t be more excited.

-

The entertainment capital of the world

Sin city

Fabulous Las Vegas.

Home to Spencer and (Y/N), the two were going to be staying with her parents since they live the closes to the venue. The drive to her parents house meant passing by her high school, and without a doubt she knew Spencer would have something to say.

“Isn’t that your old high school?” 

She glanced at Spencer for a short moment before answering, “Yup, class of 2003.”

About a month ago the team had gone to Boise,Idaho where a serial killer is murdering the survivors of a high school massacre that took place exactly ten years earlier. Hotch had sent (Y/N) and Spencer to examine the crime scene. 

“The unsub has to be tied to the school somehow. Maybe a current student, alumni, or a family member who lost someone?” (Y/N) mumbled as she scanned the crime scene 

“It could be a Slade groupie celebrating his hero. He taped nails to the exterior of the bomb. Specifically to rip open flesh-” Spencer spoke turning his head slightly to see (Y/N) examining the various pieces of nails.

“That’s a Slade detail of Slade’s the unsub copied.”

“Except he tricked Givens into blowing himself up.A groupie probably wouldn’t show that much self-control.” (Y/N) pointed out her eyes looked from the ground to the ceiling.

“But someone with an ax to grind against the principal would. Maybe he’s a surrogate for the tormenters in high school he can’t punish...” he examined the photos he held in his hands, “who were yours?”

(Y/N) chuckled reaching forward to touch the piece of nail in the wall, “I don’t even remember.” she mumbled.

Spencer raised his brow in confusion, “You don’t even remember?” his voice filled with disbelief. He stepped forward still stuck on the subject, “Wait, were you one of the mean girls?”

She turned around in surprise her eyes widened at his question, “What? No!” Okay maybe there were some people she was a bit rude to. That only being her  younger brother who was a freshmen when she was a senior.

“Track star with a full ride scholarship to UNR and was accepted by many universities, one of the valedictorians of her class, and the student body president? That not only screams popular but you could’ve been one of the mean girls!”

(Y/N) gasped loudly walking past Spencer to get to the other side of the room, “Could’ve been, I was actually one of the nice popular girls! I was even friends with guys like you!” 

“Guys like me? I'll have you know that my social standing increased once I started winning at basketball.“ now that was hard to believe.

“Spencer Reid playing basketball no way.” (Y/N) snickered causing Spencer to press his lips into a thin line, “Okay, I coached basketball. I broke down the opposing team's shooting strategy.” Now that sound more like Spencer.

“Is that why Morgan kicked you out of the pool last week?“ Rossi held a BBQ last Sunday, inviting the entire team over and Spencer and Derek were going at it in the pool bickering with one another.

“Yeah. Took him three rounds to realize I was hustling him.”

(Y/N) pulled into the driveway shifting the gear into park, she turned slightly to face Spencer.��“Spence.” she whispered, he turned his head in confusion. Spencer had met her family, but he was about to meet MORE of them. As much as she loved them to death, they could be a little too much.

“First off, I wanna say thank you so much for being my date. Second, my family.. they are loud and can get very.. touchy? If you feel uncomfortable in any given moment please tell me because I don’t want you to think you made a mistake by coming.” He gave her a warm smile, placing his hand over her’s.

“(Y/N/N)!” a voice shouted causing (Y/N) to jump slightly pulling her attention away from Spencer. Her mother smiled happily, she was beyond excited to hear that (Y/N) was bringing Spencer as her date. The two exited the car retrieving their luggage from the trunk. 

“Hey mom!” (Y/N) shouted as she closed the trunk watching as Spencer waved hello to her mother.

“Hi Mrs.(Y/L/N).” 

“Oh Spencer! How have you been? Come in get settled Steven and I are treating you two to dinner tonight!” She watched as her mother followed Spencer into the house, it would be an understatement if I said my mom loved Spencer.

I mean who wouldn’t?

Later that night when they had gone out to dinner they just so happened to run into one of her family members that every so gladly invited themselves to dinner. 

And the immediate question was, “So (Y/N), who’s this?” that lead to a somewhat awkward dinner. You know how everyone has that one favorite cousin? Then there was that one cousin that was a tattle-tale and much of a show off? That was the cousin that was at dinner tonight. 

“This is Doctor. Spencer Reid, he’s my partner. I-I mean the partner on my team, a-

“So what I’m hearing is you’re single?” Gwen questioned causing (Y/N) to gasp lightly watching as Spencer shifted in his seat “Um- well yeah but-” his voice had gone up a couple octaves. Drawing his hand away from the table watching as Gwen’s cheeks tinted a deep red.

“Gwen quit it, you’re making him uncomfortable!” (Y/N) snapped annoyed with her cousin’s behavior. This was the last thing she wanted Spencer to feel, uncomfortable. She didn’t want Spencer to think he made a mistake, before she could say anymore he glanced at her for a second before whispering “It’s okay.” If only she could strangle Gwen right here, right now. The table was filled with awkward silence, (Y/N) mother chuckled lightly before quickly changing the subject “So, who’s ready for tomorrow?”

-

The only thing (Y/N) always looked forward to was the reception. Her least favorite part was the ceremony where most of her family members would be asking her one too many questions. She had spent half of her morning mentally preparing herself for what’s to come today. What she was not prepared for was the suit Spencer had worn, well the velvet suit jacket to be exact. It had matched perfectly with the red dress she had worn.

Spencer sat with (Y/N) siblings watching as she chased around her niece and nephews, “I’m gonna get you!” she shouted causing her niece to squeal loudly running father away from her aunt. (Y/N) had always gotten along with kids, they’d easily adjust to her. When they had cases dealing with kids, it would either be Spencer, JJ, or (Y/N) to be the ones to talk to them.

“Remind me, the next time Garcia tries to get me to go to a shoe sale I need to say no.” (Y/N) spoke in between breaths settling next to Spencer, Wonderful tonight began to play bringing almost everyone to the dance floor. She took ahold of his hand dragging him up from his seat, “Spence we need to join them!” 

The sound of his heart beat was music to her ears, beating softly. The feeling of being so close to him, left butterflies in her stomach. It felt so, domestic? It’s not an everyday thing to dance with Spencer Reid.

“Do you see yourself having kids some day?”

(Y/N) pulled her head away from his chest looking up at him with a raised brow. That was a bit out of the blue.

“Just the way you interact with your niece and nephews, you’re good with kids. i’ve noticed that when we work on cases dealing with kids. you’re patient with them.” Spencer glanced down at her, she looks so beautiful.

(Y/N) sighed lightly before answering, “Yeah, ideally... I want to have kids by the time I’m thirty and well, I have three more years to make that happen.”

Spencer hummed at her response allowing (Y/N) to continue.

“My parents... they had told my siblings and I that I would be the first to have kids, and well-“

Her eyes gaze over to her older sister whom was the first to have kids, her beautiful niece and nephew. Seated at the same table her brother whom was recently engaged and his fiancée awaiting their first child.

And now her younger sister wouldn’t be too far behind.

“I’m not a profiler, but aren’t those two completely oblivious about their feelings for one another?” Isabelle commented watching as her sister dance with her date.

“That’s what I was thinking the entire time! The FBI should hire us, we’re good!” Cole exaggerated lifting his hand for Isabelle to high-five.

(Y/N) turned her attention away from her siblings back to look at Spencer. If only she could hear her siblings conversation.

“I’m gonna be the last to get married.” she said with a light chuckle.

There was no one to blame, i mean at this point she was married to her job and she knew the pros and cons. But there’s still time for her, time to find someone, to have kids.

“What about you doc? Do you want little geniuses?”

Spencer sighed lightly moving his right hand that was resting on her waist taking ahold of her left, spinning her around.

He held her hand for a moment swaying the two from side to side, “Of course, as much as I love being a godfather.. I wanna have kids of my own. An entire soccer team as one may say.”

That was something the two had in common, being a godparent. (Y/N) loved spoiling her goddaughter, even before she was asked to be the godmother.

(Y/N) giggled at his response, any woman would be lucky enough to have a child with Spencer. He’d make a wonderful father, he’d be ever so patient with his little boy or girl.

“Well your future wife is in for it.”

He felt a slight tug on his suit jacket, he looked down to see (Y/N) niece Lyrical, “I wanna dance.” the four year old said moreover demanded.

(Y/N) gasped lightly before letting go of Spencer’s right hand and moved to wrap her arms around him.

“No he’s mine.” she joked sticking her tug out at the four year old.

If he was standing in front of a mirror right now, he’d be as red as a tomato.

“No! My boyfriend!” Lyrical huffed wrapping her chubby arms around her chest with a pout. That was something Lyrical basically established during prior visits.

Whenever they’d have cases in Vegas the night before they leave the team goes to hangout with (Y/N) family. Her second family meeting her well family

(Y/N) drew back her arms from him as she looked between Spencer and her niece, “So- who’s it gonna be loverboy?”

Spencer hummed at her question before picking up Lyrical causing her to giggle lightly wrapping her arms around his neck swaying from side to side.

She held onto him, her fingers slightly tugged at the back of his hair. (Y/N) smiled, the warm fuzzy feeling she felt earlier was back again.

If Spencer’s first born child is a girl, she’d have him wrapped around her fingers before she was born.

She walked up to her niece peppering kisses onto her chubby cheeks earning a burst of laughter, the song changed into a more upbeat rhythm causing almost everyone to come to the dance floor.

“So, who was going to tell me they were dating?” Scarlet questioned, walking over to sit at the same table her siblings were seated. Isabelle snorted reaching for the glass of water in front of her.

“Why would we? They aren’t dating.. yet.” Cole answered sarcastically earning a slap to the back of his head. He glared at his younger sister, “I answered your question why did you have to hit me!” Scarlet shrugged lightly taking a sip from her champagne glass.

(Y/N) looked over to her siblings, who were bickering as usual.

“I’m gonna go sit for a bit.” Spencer nodded watching as she walked back to sit with her siblings before turning his attention back to the four year old.

“Woah Lyrical stole your date.” Cole snickered causing (Y/N) to roll her eyes playfully, “I know, better watch out she’s gonna have boys waiting on her beck and call.” The table rose with laughter, as they moved onto a different topic.

It felt like old times, sitting around with her siblings as they talked about childhood memories and embarrassing moments. She needed to come home more often instead of having them fly out to only spend a day or two.

Her eyes gazed over to Spencer and her niece who were stilling dancing, that warm fuzzy feeling. It’s unexplainable. She couldn’t help but imagine, what if. What if her and Spencer do end up together? Oh would their daughter be his princess. He would do anything for her. Whoever get’s to be the future Mrs.Reid would be the luckiest women in the world, his kids would be blessed with such a wonderful dad.

Scarlet looked over to her older sister who was too deep in thought as she watched her date dance with their niece. She couldn’t help but notice the smile that tugged at (Y/N) lips.

“So does that mean you’re next?”

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, her train of thought coming to a screeching halt. Next?

“For?” (Y/N) questioned back, unsure of what Scarlet was trying to lead on.

“You and that handsome Doctor Reid.”

(Y/N) eyes widened causing her to shake her head from left to right, “What? No no, we’re just friends.” she tried to suppress the smile that dared to paint over her lips.

Her siblings look between each other before bursting into a fit of laughter, “Sure keep telling yourself that.” Cole spoke in between his laughter.

Y/N rolled her eyes crossing her arms over her chest before responding “Hey! We’re just friends.” 

Cole leaned back into his chair raising a brow at her, “So, you’re telling us you don’t have any feelings for him? Zero, nada, zilch?” she glared at Cole kicking his ankle lightly. He winced at the sudden action reaching down to sooth his ankle.

“I don’t have feelings for him.”

Isabelle rose her brow at her younger sister, “You’re doing that thing.” If there was one thing she was bad at it would be lying. You’d think for a profiler she’d be better at lying and would be able to keep a poker face.

“What thing?”

Scarlet sighed loudly, “(Y/N) you may be a profiler but, we’re your siblings we know when you’re lying.” That only caused (Y/N) to scoff loudly and shake her head at her siblings.

Why are they attacking me right now?

“You cross your arms over your chest and you smile, A LOT it’s kinda no it IS creepy. Plus you get defensive, like very defensive.” Cole pointed out only for the rest of her siblings to agree.

Let’s forget what I said early about visiting more often. They can continue flying out to D.C.

(Y/N) got up from her seat slipping her heels back on causing Cole to flinch slightly, growing up the only boy meant dealing (Y/N) scared him. A lot.

 “I wasn’t going to hit you ass clown!”

Maybe, just maybe she was spending a bit too much time with Rossi.

 “I’m gonna go for a little walk.” 

The three siblings looked between each other. If there was something she knew all too well of doing it was avoiding her feelings. Not opening up to others, building walls high enough so no one can look over and see what she’s feelings or thinking. 

“Don’t close yourself off! Say what needs to be said!”

It felt like deja vu. 

Emily had told her the exact same thing a few days ago.

"Oh my sweet angel face (Y/N)! You and boy wonder are blind!” Penelope slurred as she attempted to place her glasses on (Y/N) face. JJ couldn’t help but laugh at Garcia’s actions.

“My vision is 20/20 as a matter of fact!” (Y/N) answered earning another laugh from Emily, “Pen is right you know? Don’t close yourself off! Say what needs to be-”

“Hey, you missed the bouquet toss.”

(Y/N) blinked a few times before looking up to see Spencer.

“Did you know the tossing the bouquet is a tradition that stems from England. Women used to try to rip pieces of the bride's dress and flowers in order to obtain some of her good luck. Today the bouquet is tossed to single women with the belief that whoever catches it will be the next to marry.”

This was one of the many things she loved about Spencer. The amount of knowledge he holds in that huge brain of his. Usually the team isn’t much of a fan when he rambles on but, you loved it. The way he uses his hands to explain what he was thinking, or how he basically has an answer for well everything.

“Who caught the bouquet?”

He chuckled lightly taking a seat next to her, “Well Scarlet kinda threw it at me and said you know what to do. But your mom made her redo it, got a laugh out of everyone though.”

“Pretty sure you’re suppose to catch the garter.” (Y/N) giggled turning her head slightly to look up at Spencer who was laughing along with her. There was a sudden cool breeze causing her to wrap her arms around her chest.

“I knew I should’ve brought my jacket.”

Spencer shrugged off his dress jacket draping it over her shoulders. It was ever so slightly bigger on her she slipped her arms through the sleeves

“Thank you... and another thank you for being my date. I really hat- dislike attending weddings.”

“Did you know the first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 B-“

Her eyes fell towards the ground in front of her. Fixated on the shoes he was currently using.

The converse she had bought him for his 30th birthday, well belated 30th birthday. Not only was he using the converse she bought him but the mismatching socks as well. The team had been called to San Francisco to investigate a possible Zodiac Killer copycat. There was something up with Spencer however, he was quieter than usual. 

But it was only because he had doubts on why he’s in the FBI, questioning that he should be doing something more in his life with the amount of knowledge he had accumulated over the years. The team didn’t even realize they had missed his 30th birthday, and (Y/N) felt so bad for it. She was the one to always bring in the birthday boy or gal their favorite donuts and a cup of coffee. 

When the team had gotten back to Quantico she had stopped by to get him a new pair of converse and of course mis-matched socks.

“How did I not notice you’re using the shoes and socks I gifted you?”

His brows furrowed,“Is something wrong (Y/N)?”

(Y/N) sighed ignoring his question “I read that a crush only last four months. But if it last longer you are considered to be in love. is that true?”

“Actually, many people often mistake crushes and infatuation with love. The initial feelings of crush and falling in love are very similar. The rush of euphoria happens in both cases. The butterflies, and the feelings of pure joy at the sight of them happens in both cases. It’s easy to see how the two are mistaken for love because the feelings are so intense, but there is a difference. Crushes and infatuation go hand in hand, and are very similar-

He paused for a second catching his breath before continuing, “-a crush is defined as a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone inappropriate or unattainable. Infatuation is defined as an intense but short lived passion or admiration for someone or something.

Involuntarily she rest her head against his shoulder, “What about love?” she questioned. You glanced up for a second watching as his tongue swiped across his bottom lip.

“Love is truly seeing and accepting their object of affection. It’s an intense feeling of deep affection. to be patient and understanding, love is forgiving. It desires a deep connection. When we truly love someone, we see their flaws, and we accept them. there are thoughts of a future together, and realistic expectations of ea-“

JJ sighed, “Just tell him say I love you. Not as a friend. But I love you, on a deeper connection. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I’m in love with you.” her eyes fluttered shut, her heart was pounding in her ears, she felt Spencer tense at what she had just said. Oh god did I make a mistake?

She pulled her head away from his shoulder, tell him why just tell him.

“You’re the most sweetest, yet awkward guy I know. Not only are you sweet, you’re also so smart. I love to hear you ramble on about, honestly anything. You’re so caring, and kind. It hurts me when you beat yourself up, I just want to hug you and tell you why you’re wrong and tell you that I love-” 

Spencer placed his hands on her cheeks pulling her into a slow passionate kiss, everything happened so quickly it took her a moment to process what was happening. Wrapping her arms around his neck pulling him deeper into the kiss, the feeling was so surreal.

He pulled away slowly his hands still on her cheeks as he rest his forehead against hers, “I love you too.” he spoke as he stared into her (Y/E/C). (Y/N) smiled from ear to ear, stealing another kiss from Spencer.

“Finally!” a voice spoke startling the two. (Y/N) peeked over Spencer’s shoulder to see Cole standing there with well the rest of her siblings, oh yeah she was never going to hear the end of this. 

[lightningclaw288]

Starry Night

Warning: Alcohol use, mentions of Alcohol, Characters are age up, mentions of cheating/assumption of cheating, Characters are aged up

Pairing: Akaashi x fem reader

Jealous reader, shy reader?,insecure reader? 

Meanings: (f/d) means favorite drink in this case your favorite type of beer, alcohol and that stuff. (f/n) means friend name.

Word count: 2,341

(y/n) Pov

I was nervous. “Hey, Keiji how do I look?” My boyfriend looked at me with a small smile. 

“Perfect. Now come down love. We're just going to meet my friends.” He replied softly.  

“But what if they don’t like me?” I mumbled softly. Akaashi chuckled. 

“(y/n) look at me. You’ve already met most of them.” He did have a point. 

“Alright. I’m ready, let's go.” I replied. We intertwined our hands as we walked out the door. The cool breeze rushed to great us. We walked quietly to the car.  

“Hey (y/n)?” I hummed. “In your dreams do you ever think of us like. You know.” A light blush forming on Keiji’s face. Cute I thought. 

“Think of us like what Keiji?” I asked. Now a full visible blush on his face. Can this man get any cuter than he already is? “Think of us getting married and having kids?” He mumbled. I looked at my boyfriend of 6 years. I blush now forming on my cheeks. How was I supposed to answer this question? I really wanted to scream YES. But If I said yes he could think I’m creepy. If I said no then he may think I don’t love him or I don’t want to settle down with him.  “Y-you don’t have to answer the question if you don’t want” He quickly added. “Yes.” My boyfriend looked at me confused. I continued. “ I do dream of us getting married and having kids” I mumbled.  He sighed softly and continued to drive. 

Time Skip

“Just relax babe and if you need something or want to go home come find me.” I chuckled softly.  “Keiji I’ll be fine. I’m a big girl. Now go have fun.” I chuckled.  Keiji chuckled as he intertwined his hand with mine as we walked into the club. 

When we walked into the club I immediately saw Yukie and Koari by a corner of the bar. There was a table for 3 in the corner.  ( do bars have tables? Idk never been to one. If there isn’t one then plz pretend)Keiji noticed them too and gave a soft nod. I walked up to them as Keiji walked up to his former teammates.  

“Yo (y/n), hhhow arrrre youuu?”. Yukie slurred.

“Hey Koari, I’m good. How many bottles have you had?” I asked, chuckling. 

“That’s her first,” Koari answered. 

“How have you two been?” I asked. 

“We’re doing pretty good.” 

“Have you done the “thing” yet?” I asked. Koari blushed. 

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” She replied.  (Also for this story the “thing” isn’t sex . I’m srry to disappoint you all but it’s not sex. And yes for this story Koari and Yukie are dating because why not. I don’t ship them but I thought it would fit the story).

“Whatsss the “thing”?” Yukie asked. 

“Something,” Koari answered. “Say (y/n)-san did Akaashi do the  “thing”to you?” I flushed. 

“N-no why? I m-mean it might happen-n soon. Idk” I replied.  As I started to nervously play with my hands/fingers. Koari laughed. At my response.

“Hmm I guess Akaashi would have  done it by now conjuring the fact you’ve been dating since college.  Anyway want a drink, I’m going to get one?”.  

“Sure, why not. Can you get (f/d)”/”No thanks, I don’t drink” I replied ( I wanted to add a different thing for people who don’t drink because not everyone does) 

Koari ordered and came back with two (f/d)s.  “ Thanks”. I said as I got my drink from her. I took a sip. “So-” 

“HEY HEY HEY LOOK WHO’S HERE”. A man-child yelled. He had black and white hair that was spikey( I have no idea how to explain  Bokuto’s hair help me and don’t hate me plz). I face palmed. I was going to continue my sentence when I heard a familiar chuckle. I looked to my left as I found to my shock the Akaashi Keiji chuckling in public. I smiled. Guess he was starting to show his emotion a little bit freely in public. I turned around to 

face Koari and Yukie. 

“Who’s that?” I asked. 

Koari answered “That’s Bokuto Koutarou.  He was the ace for our team in Akaashi’s second year.“

“Him and Akaashiiii were reallyy close too. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were dating back then” Yukie added on.  I just nodded. Something started to bother me. A tiny voice just a what if. What if they did date back then? What if Keiji still loves Bokuto-san. What if I’m not good enough for him?

“Hey (y/n), everything ok?” Koari asked worriedly. I nodded. 

“I’m fine.” I replied. I chugged down my drink. I wanted to have fun today and I told Keiji I didn’t need him to worry about me.  I decided to drink away my worries. ( I’m sorry if you don’t drink alcohol I’m going to keep this part. (f/d) normally means favorite drink. I have no idea what a bar sells other than they have alcohol so choose something else I guess).“Hey Yukie, want to see who can drink the most?”. There was no way I was going to win but it would be fine. 

“OI I’m not going to be the only one that isn’t sober and has to keep an eye on you guys.” Koari replied. 

“Then join us.” Yukie and I replied in sync. 

“But then who will keep an eye on the guys and you two?”. She replied. 

“The sky,” Yukie replied. Her lover face pamed.

“Soo are you going to join us or not? I mean we could only drink 3 cups and call it quits.” I said, smirking.  Yukie joined me “ Orr we could drink 3 bottles and call it quits.” Koari put her hands up. Surdering. 

“Fine. Just one cup tho.” She replied. We all laughed. 

“I’ll go get it (f/d).” Yukie called.  

Mini time skip

We all got a cup and poured a  (f/d) in it. 

“3”

“2”

“1”

“Go”

We all started chugging out drinks. Koari stopped after 8 cups. I went to 12 . Which means Yukie won. We ended up finishing the 3 bottles we got. I volunteered to go get some more. It was probably the most fun I’ve had since  my last date with Keiji. 

He had been busy for the past two to three months.  He come home late and went to work early. He’s been acting strangely too. It wasn’t anything big but it did worry me at times. I shook my head. Think positive. 

I was walking through the crowd when I saw Keiji with ex-teammates talking and having fun. Something that stuck out to me was Bokuto had his hands on his thighs. It’s fine. Keiji said Bokuto could be really touchy and doesn't have the concept of person space. I  continued on my way to the bar.  I bumped into someone. I fell to the ground. Baka watch where you're going. I got up and brushed my dress. I got and bowed. “Gomen (sorry).” I replied.  The guy who bumped into was a good looking man around 2 years older than me. Keiji was definitely better. I must have won the boyfriend lottery. So I thought. 

”tch watch where you're going.” He replied. He looked me up and down. I rubbed my arm nervously. “Say how about we get a drink you and me? I mean you did bump into me.” 

“No thanks I have somewhere to go.” I replied briskly and walked away. He grabbed my arm. “I don’t take a no for an answer.” He replied. I tugged my hand out of his grasp. “Leave me alone.” I replied. I was a bit surprised that he let me go easily. Then I saw him talk to someone familiar. Then the guy walked up to me. I quickly recognized him. 

“(f/n)?” I asked. 

“Yo, (y/n). What are you doing here?” he asked. 

“I’m here with my boyfriend and his friends.” I replied “What about you?”   I asked.

“Me and my friends come here often. Also sorry about my friend he’s um a little I guess edgy might be the word.” We laughed. My phone lit up. There was a text from Yukie.

Where are you??

I sighted. “Hey (f/n) I gtg I told my friends I’d grab drinks and be back.” He nodded. I was about to walk away. 

“Hey (f/y) do you maybe want to meet up later? L-like a date or something?”. (f/n) was kind and sweet but he wasn’t Akaashi. And Akaashi is the only man I want to be with. “Sorry (f/n) I have a boyfriend, we could still meet up tho.”I offered. 

“Yeah that seems nice” He replied. “ You might also want to go get those drinks”.I nodded and  walked  to the bar. I felt bad for (f/n) but I didn’t love him. I ordered and paid for  3 more (f/d).  

 I was walking back when I saw something I didn’t want to see. After everything. There was my boyfriend of 6 years kissing his best friend and his ex-teammate Bokuto Koutarou. I dropped the drinks by accident. I just wanted to get out of there and drink more with Yukie and Koari. Talk to Keiji about it tomorrow. The drink hit the ground with a loud bang. 

The two broke the kiss. Akaashi eyes found mine. The first thing his  eyes were the first part of him so show any  emotion.  First fear then worry. He was about to call my name and reached for my hand.  I ran out of the club. I’ll come and clean the mess later. 

I ran. I didn’t know where I was going, I just let my feet carry me. When I  stopped running after some time. I took out my phone and messaged Yukie  an Kaori about what happened. Then I turned my phone off. I just wanted to be alone now. I knew the beach. It’s where Keiji and I went during the summer. I whipped my eyes. It didn’t help. The tears come on after another.

 I felt numb. Wasn’t I enough? Did he not love me? Did I do something wrong? Is it how I look? How I eat? The way I sleep? Do I take up to much of the blanket? What is it? What did I do wrong? I laid on the sand. The only I could hear was the waves and crickets.”It’s starry night isn’t it?Just look at the stars, they are always there at night if you look for them. No matter if anyone can see them or not there. And when you can see them there they are shiny , bright and beautiful.” That’s what my dad would have said. I just looked up at them. I’ll pack my stuff and stay with my parents tomorrow. Till I can get an apartment in Tokyo.

 I heard footsteps. I turned to see my boyfriend. Tears streaming down his pretty  face. He was breathing heavily. He must have chased after me when I ran out. “(y/n) I-” I cut him off. 

“Shouldn't you be at the party with him, with your friends?” I asked. He sat down and tried to hug me. I slapped his hand away. He looked like a kicked puppy. I hated it. I didn’t want to hurt him. Be strong. I told myself to be strong. 

“(y/n) please let me explain.” I looked at him, waiting. “It was an accident. This guy shoved me on to  him. I swear I didn’t mean to kiss him and you come right after. Y-you saw us kiss. I got scared. Please don’t leave-” I interrupted him. I felt like an idiot. I kissed him. It was a nice gentle kiss. It ended too soon for my liking. Why do we need air?

I looked him in the eye “I’m sorry  I shouldn’t have assumed you cheated. I love you” I whispered. He smiled and hugged me.” Come one let’s go back everyone going to be worried. Plus I need to clean up the mess and I need to apologize so Bokuto-san.” I chuckled. I allied on his chest. “5 minutes that’s it” I replied. He smirked. 

“sure.” 

“That can wait.” Keiji replied.We sat there in silence.After ten or more minutes. We heard more footsteps. I turned around to see the rest of keiji’s ex-teammates. “(Y/N)-SANNN DON’t BREAK UP WITH AGGKAAASHI HE LOVES YOU!” Bokuto-san screamed.I chuckled. 

“Don’t worry, Bokuto-san we’re not breaking up, Keiji explained everything. Also I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed you two were together.” I replied. 

“That’s ok (y/n)-san. Know can we get more drinks??” Bokuto-san asked. Everyone laughed. 

“You guys go ahead, we'll join you in a minute” Keiji called.

Mini time skip 

Keiji  got up. “Come (y/n) it’s been 20 minutes since we said we’d come.” He replied. I chuckled. He offered me his hand and I took it.  I brushed the sand of my dress. “One last thing before we go.” He got down on one knee and took out a box from his pocket. 

“(Y/n) we’ve been dating for 6 years. You mean everything to me. You’ve been through the ups and downs in my life. So will you be willing to spend the rest of your life with me? Will you marry me (y/f) (l/n)?” 

Extra:

“Keiji did the “thing” FINALLY.” Keep ur head down Koari we can’t see. 

“Did she say yes?”. “Yes Bokuto she said yes.” “Akaashi’s swinging her around. And know their kissing.” “move Kohna I want to see”. “Outch.” 

Author note:

Yo how is everyone? I know I haven’t been able to update a lot and I’m sorry about that. I normally don’t write stuff because the don’t normally do well. I had this idea and wanted to put it in paper. Anyway I hope you enjoyed it if you read this far 😂. I didn’t have a certain age I wanted the characters to be but they could be sometime time from second year of collage to young adult if anyone wanted to know. Anyway have a great day/night.

-Lightning

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 18

Chapters: 18/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17]

They cook, they feed him, they chat away about inane things. Their presence soothes Martin and their voices fill him with the warmth sucked away by his unexpected encounter.

Gerry helps him make tea after dinner, and they all sit at the table together, even the cats sleeping nearby, cuddled up into one big, grey and black fluff ball.

"I think," Martin begins, voice croaky, "That I would like to tell you now."

"We're ready to listen if you're ready to tell us." Jon offers softly. Gerry reaches over to take one of his hands, turning it over to kiss the palm sweetly.

Martin talks, voice quiet and even.

"In the beginning, it was just a normal relationship. Except for the fact that he was almost twenty years older than me, and about a million times richer. I didn't know that at first, of course. He was just a middle-aged man I met in a gay bar, who didn't seem to mind that I was trans. I felt secure in our relationship, if not exactly nurtured or adored. I had never felt very secure before, and it seemed like enough, you know?

"He took me out, brought me a few things in the beginning. He was very dominant, sexually, but I was a lot less sure of my own preferences back then and I thought it was fine. He never even blinked at my trashy flat or cheap clothes, and I didn't even realise just how much money he had for a long time. Maybe I just can't really comprehend that much money, even now.

"When I was twenty-two, my mother died, and…" He huffs out a shaky, emotional laugh. "Well, I was a real mess. I lost my job, and almost my flat. Peter started paying for things, my rent, clothes, meals. He said that I needed somewhere to live and had to eat and look presentable, and it was his pleasure to provide those things for me. It made me feel a bit gross, but I struggled to find another job, and so I accepted it."

Martin hesitates here, before continuing. "The problem started when I wasn't interested in sex one night."

"He forced you?" Gerry interrupts to ask dangerously, threat explicit in his quiet words. His eyes seem to glow faintly in the growing dark of the room, as the sun sets. He wishes, more than ever, that he had helped Jon kick the shit out of Peter Lukas, instead of stopping him.

Martin sighs, eyes pressed tight closed for a second. "Not exactly. He simply pointed out that he paid for me to exist. So I made myself interested."

Gerry's hands tighten into fists and he moves them under the table where Martin can't see them anymore. Jon suddenly looks very pale. They share a look, neither able to see much difference between 'forcing' and what sounds a lot like financial abuse to them.

Martin pulls his legs up to his chest, curling around them as he goes on. "Our relationship became a lot more transactional after that night. I disengaged whatever feelings I had left for him and simply drew all my emotions down deep into myself. I wasn't ashamed to be getting paid for sex, but I felt like I had lost my own consent in the matter. Peter honestly seemed like he had gotten exactly what he wanted. Money was nothing to him, and he had someone to take out on his arm or shag whenever he wanted, without the work of a real relationship, or the complications of unfortunate attachments.

"So, if I needed something, I told him. He set a date, took me out, fucked me. He gave me however much I needed."

Martin shrugs, looking down at his hands. "I honestly hated it. Not because of the prostitution itself, sex has always been very nurturing for me, and I sometimes caught the idea that it was only another way to care for people, and being paid for that is perfectly fine, if you're doing it for the right reasons. The real issue was Peter himself. He had this way of making me feel… bereft and hollow, even before the money came into it."

A few tears track down his face, although his face remains rather blank, in a numb way. It's only as he admits the next words that his voice breaks and the heartbreak works its way out again.

"I was very foolish. Looking back, I can see that I was still a child in a lot of ways. I put myself into a situation that damaged me, but I accept the consequences of those actions, both then and now. I- I-"

"Martin," Jon whispers, warm love clear in his voice. It's nothing but an offer of support, one that he desperately needs right now.

He presses his eyes shut, forcing away the stutter and the lump of tears. "I knew I wasn't going to be able to get out of it, even if I got a crap, minimum wage job that I was qualified for. So I started applying for any work that was available. I made every application exactly what they wanted, and I hoped for the best. When Elias offered me the job at Magnus, I took it happily. Since then I found out that Peter knows him, and probably arranged the job for me, but at the time I had no idea. Looking back, I know that it's a miracle that I got out of it at all. Peter could have chosen to make my life a living hell. Instead, he accepted the several firm rejections I offered him.

"He promised me that we weren't done, that I would be back, but he left me alone. I was done. I moved on with my life, even if I had to lie to do it." Martin sighs, shakes out his shoulders, the most difficult part over now.

"I had always planned to be open about it with my next relationships, but they were so fleeting that it never even came up. By the time I fell for Jon, it had become a secret, one I was loathed to dig up for a relationship I was convinced wouldn't last. I thought to myself, 'Why ruin something that makes me happy?' I assumed it would fall apart anyway, and it was easier to allow it to be in the past.

"But I am sorry. I'm sorry that I never told you. I'm sorry you had to find out from him. I'm sorry that we've been together for more than a year and we basically live together, and I've put you in this position. I love you both, very very much."

"When did you eventually decide that our relationship was going to last?" Jon queries, genuine curiosity in his voice.

There's a beat of hazy silence at the abrupt change in tone and topic.

"Oh, ah-" Martin stumbles over his words, unsure how blatantly honest to be. He chooses the real truth, no matter how unfortunate. "The day that I got Luna was the first time I really accepted that you both loved me."

Jon simply raises an eyebrow, completely unconcerned. "What about you, Gerry?"

"With you," Gerry responds easily, "at the hospital in Morden, when I was so panicked that I couldn't decide if I wanted to kill you or handcuff us together for the rest of our lives. With Martin-"

He breaks off with a laugh, colouring slightly. "It was the day we dyed my hair purple."

"The first time we had sex?" Martin asks, surprised at such a hedonistic answer.

He laughs again, more confidently this time. "No, actually, although that was spectacular. It was afterwards, when you braided my hair for the first time. That was the first time anyone had ever braided my hair. It made me feel so… So honoured. Like I was the most precious thing to you."

"Gerry, you are the most precious thing to me. You both are." Martin whispers, tears creeping back into his voice.

"Good, because the feeling is mutual, and we desperately need you around to keep us in line," Jon tells him, voice unusually firm and confident.

"What about you?" Martin remembers to ask him, at risk of floating away in his post confession haze. "When did you know?"

"With Gerry, it was when we were teenagers. I kissed him for the first time, and he laughed at me. I just knew he was my soulmate." Jon rolls his eyes at this, but his voice is full of blatant affection. "With you, Martin, it was- Well, to be quite honest with you, there was no one special moment. It was a million tiny moments, all of them special and perfect to me. Every cup of tea, every frown while you were writing poetry, glasses pushed haphazardly up into your lovely hair. The easy, glorious look on your face the day you met Gerry for the first time, as if you weren't even capable of not falling in love with him, just as I hadn't been. It was especially the days that I would come out of the library and find you waiting for me after work. This weight of total surety would fill my chest and leave me gasping, needing you."

Jon sighs, his own eyes a little bright. "I suppose it was really the night you kissed me in the rain, and every soft moment since then has only affirmed the way I knew you were it for me."

Jon smiles at Martin so beatifically that he forgets to breathe for a moment.

"We love you too, Martin," Gerry tells him, reaching out to grasp a hand. Jon takes the other. "And we wouldn't want you any other way."

***

The next morning, Martin wakes to find Jon eyeing his phone intently. Gerry is asleep on his other side, and he feels warmly cocooned between them. Gentle cloudy light fills the space, encouraging the comfortable cozy atmosphere of their bed.

"What's wrong, love?" Martin asks sleepily, snuggling into his side.

"I got-" Jon pauses, utterly flummoxed. "I got paid a bonus."

"What?" Equally perplexed, Martin takes his phone, squinting as he tries to read the screen.

The banking app is open, and there is indeed a deposit there, Jon's normal salary amount, but on completely the wrong date.

In the purpose box, it simply reads 'Entertainment Value'.

"You don't think," Jon starts, hesitant, "that Elias paid me…"

"For hitting Peter Lukas?" Martin finishes, "His own husband."

They blink at each other, bewildered.

"Does that seem… slightly cursed, to you?" Jon whispers as if Elias might hear him. Even worse if Elias could hear them, and would probably enjoy being accused of having a cursed relationship.

"Yes, completely cursed. What is up with those two?" Martin looks as if he's smelled something bad.

"We absolutely cannot spend this money, right?" Jon asks. "Lest we are cursed with their relationship dysfunction."

"Correct," Martin responds firmly, shuddering. "Can we donate it to the animal shelter?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea." Jon's relief at this resolution is palpable.

He does it straight away, as if even having the money in his bank account might ruin their lives.

They let out a simultaneous sigh as the transfer goes through.

"That is wild," Martin mutters as he snuggles back down.

Jon tosses his phone away, no longer interested in it. Instead, he wraps his arms around Martin, burying his nose in his lover's hair. It smells of bergamot and tea leaves and the ocean in winter, just like Martin himself, and Jon luxuriates in the moment.

"I love you, Martin K. Blackwood." He whispers into the soft air.

"Even if I don't actually have a middle name?" Martin whispers back.

"Especially because of that." Jon chuckles.

They lay together, the gentle moments of the morning flowing around them. Later, they get up and shower together. They drink tea in front of the big windows in the living space. Martin reads a book from Gerry's shelves, his own books still packed, and Jon wanders off to play his piano where it is randomly set up, right in the middle of Gerry's typical painting area.

Gerry himself appears downstairs, still sleepy and bleary-eyed. He curls up with his head in Martin's lap, listening to Jon fill the flat with gentle music.

It's the soft sort of moment that each of them had been wishing for all their lives, full of love, and family, and a home of their very own.

[ateezmakemeweep]

could you please do a mafia reaction of finding out that the girl they have a crush on is leading a mafia? thank you!

❥ kim hongjoong

hongjoong knew the second he met you that you were strong, watching as you elbowed a guy right in the face who tried to grab you outside the sleazy looking bar. it’s what first drew him to you, what made him approach you later that night and confess that even though you scared the shit out of him, he liked you. 

you couldn’t help but laugh at him, throwing a smirk his way as you wrote your number on a piece of paper and stuck it in the pocket of his shirt. date number one turned in to date number four and when you so casually mentioned what you do for work, his eyes nearly bulged out of his head. 

“are-are you even allowed to tell me that?” he stuttered, a melodic laugh leaving your mouth that scared him as much as it intrigued him; drew him in like he just knew he was more than willing to allow you to ruin him if that’s what you wanted to do.

“something tells me you’re not gonna tell anyone.” your foot ran along the expanse of his leg, swirling your tongue around the straw as you watched an amused, almost proud smile cross his face. 

❥ park seonghwa

“i don’t like it, y/n.” 

the second seonghwa found out you were leading a mafia, the change in him was immediate. he was overprotective by normal standards, just in day to day life whether it be making sure you were wearing your seatbelt or texting him when you got home safely at night. 

but this. knowing you were out in the world fighting and conniving and meeting with dangerous people? he couldn’t stand it. he said he would never let you out of his sight again, that he’d accompany you on any and all missions to ensure your safety; and even when you told him the wasn’t necessary, the stubborn boy shook his head and narrowed his eyes at you. 

you thought it was cute that he thought he had a say in the matter, though, pushing him backward until his knees hit the back of the chair. he looked up at you with a wide eyed expression, his adams apple bobbing as you straddled his lap and ran your finger over his lips. 

“well you better start to,” you whispered in his ear, your breath fanning across his skin as you arch your back and press yourself against him. “because you don’t really have a choice, do you?”

❥ jeong yunho

“i’m telling you, she’s into some crazy shit,” mingi tells him, the two giant boys watching you from the car. you had went in to pick up the chicken order, $100 in hand as you fearlessly walked in the store. 

“what are you talking about?” yunho asked, shaking his head at his friend’s nonsense. he knows he’s had a crush on you for weeks, insisting that while you’re pretty and nice there's also something… mysterious about you. the way you carry yourself and always look so constantly on edge. like you’re about ready to-

“what the fuck!” 

mingi and yunho jump out of the car when they see the commotion through the windows, a man probably taller than them jumping away from you and over the seat of a table. but you’re quick to grab him by the back of the shirt and flip him over your shoulder, his back on the floor as your boot-covered foot press down on his neck. 

they walk in and hear you on the phone, your voice commanding that the target was found and to get here immediately. your eyes widen when you see the two boys staring at you, a small smile replacing your face before you casually hold up the bag of chicken. 

“i got it!” you smile, your sing song voice such a horrifying contrast to the way your high heel is digging into a man’s neck. 

❥ kang yeosang

you and yeosang couldn’t be more different, even down to the way you like your coffee and what ice cream flavors you like. you’d been drawn to him because he was shy and withdrawn and he admired you because you were confident and outgoing. it took him two weeks just to to gain the courage to smile at you, every time he caught your gaze looking away in embarrassment. 

“i think i should probably tell you what i do,” you told him one night, your legs sprawled out across his lap as you toy with his fingers. 

he didn’t even understand it at first, his head cocked to the side as he nodded his head in confusion. but it wasn’t until he saw you in action that he really understood, your body hunched over the desk as you screamed into the phone about a particular job. his eyes widened when he sees you tuck a gun in the back of your tight jeans, wondering where the hell the weapon had even came from. 

“what the- y/n, where did you get-”

“i’ll be back in a bit,” you tell him, walking over and pressing up on your toes to peck his lips. it was the first time you kissed him and he couldn’t even dwell on that fact, all too distracted and concerned by the way you sauntered out of the room with a determined, powerful stride. 

❥ choi san

he was always curious about the girl he’d see in the gym, your figure small and face kind but the way you worked out and lifted the bar above your head impressive. he tried not to stare, hating to be that creepy guy in the gym but not being able to help but admire your stamina and work ethic. 

but it was when he saw you through the glass at a kickboxing class that he knew he had to talk to, almost as petrified as he was impressed because you really look like you could beat the shit out of someone. 

“i was honestly scared of you,” san told you a few months later over coffee, your head thrown back in laughter as you smirk at him. “good,” you tell him with a sweet, teasing smile. “you should be.”

he had laughed and took your words as a joke, his heart fluttering the more you talk and laugh with him. but then a few weeks later when he found out you were in fact someone to be scared of, something so sweet and pretty wrapped up in mafia business, as a leader no less, he almost couldn’t believe it. 

“you…weren’t kidding,” he stuttered out, “i should be scared of you.” but you couldn’t help but smile up at the sweet boy you’ve come to really like after these past few months, wrapping your arms around his neck as you cock your head to the side at him.

“only if you fuck with me.”

❥ song mingi

you hadn’t met for him to find out this way. you wanted to ease him in to it, knowing that even though your friend turned crush was big and looming and looked threatening, he was anything but; at a first glance, you thought he’d be a great addition to your team. but then you saw just how much he cuddled into people, how he couldn’t even watch a scary movie or go through a cheesy haunted house without screaming. 

so seeing you outside your house, two bloodied men at your feet with a knife steady in your hand, you thought for sure he was gonna pass out. 

“y/n….y/n, what the…did you do that…i-“

“mingi, it’s okay,” you tell him softly, like you’re talking to a child who just walked in on there favorite animal who got ripped up by the family dog. “they were bad people. i had to do this.” 

he watches you with slight fear in his eyes, watching as you bend down and use the man’s shirt to wipe the blood off the knife. the sight only makes him ready to vomit, in disbelief that you, the girl who giggles with him under the blanket as your cold feet tangle, are so callously using a dead men’s shirt to clean off his own blood. 

“what? don’t tell me you’re scared of me now.”

❥ jung wooyoung

you had done countless things to get wooyoung to shut his mouth in the months you’ve known him. covering his ace with your hand, offering to pay him $5 to not talk through one single thirty minute episode, bribing him with food and dessert and anything edible in the house really.

but when he found out from another loud mouthed friend of his that you were the leader of a mafia, you’d never seen the boy so quiet. he didn’t necessarily look scared or upset, just…curious. 

“so you like…kill people?” 

you chuckle at the question, walking over to him and plopping down on his lap the way you’ve done many times before. “bad people. people who deserve it.” he hums thoughtfully a your answer, his arms circling around your hips hesitantly as he takes in this information. 

“and sometimes,” he hears you say suddenly, puling his shirt down and smirking against his ear. “people who never know when to shut their mouth. but they’re only in excruciating pain for a few weeks, i would never kill them.”

he moves his head back to look at you, not being able to tell if the teasing in your eyes and voice is a complete joke or not; so he thinks that maybe, the next time you ask him to stay quiet during your show, he’ll find that the television is extremely interesting and warrants all of his attention.

❥ choi jongho

the boy didn’t know who he worked for. 

he just knew they were powerful, extremely cunning and someone no one wanted to mess with. but he saw you come out of the vip office several times as he stood guard outside, greeting each other with soft smiles before you eventually started to talk. 

it was small talk really, just about weekend plans and the weather and coworkers but it was enough for him to grow a tiny crush on you. he wondered what your purpose here was, looking far too sweet and unassuming to be associated with this shady place. 

“you better be careful,” one of his co-workers said. he had been watching you and jongho grow closer each week, his happy smile and kind, round eyes softening every single time he saw you. 

“what do you mean?”

and when the man started to laugh, jongho became even more confused. be careful of you? of forming a crush on a coworker? of mixing business and pleasure?

“you really don’t know who that is?” the man asked, both of their heads craning over to you on the phone, a sadistic smirk on your face as you roll your eyes at whoever’s talking on the phone. “her crazy ass is probably putting a hit out right now, she’s the leader of this shit.”

jongho nearly fell on his ass at this information, your eyes meeting his and eyebrows raising up. “surprised?” you mouth, the boy’s eyes widening and heart racing because he did not expect that. 

[volvolts]

trying again. im gonna talk about my ocs. its pretty long and kinda incoherent idk

first start with robin

idk how to make the picture smaller so im sorry

- her name is robin wright and she’s 17

BACKSTORY

- her mom is a cyberneticist and her dad is a neurosurgeon. they do research on cyborg’s disease and have a company that makes prosthetics. they’re really rich because if it

- robin also had a twin brother named ronan (she’s the younger twin btw). he died when they were 15 because he had a rare case of cyborg’s disease in the brain. his death was so traumatizing for her that she doesn’t remember the months surrounding his death. she doesn’t even remember the funeral

- after ronan’s death, robin’s parents put her into isolation for two years. they pulled her out of her classes and activities and she barely got human interactions during this time

- eventually she had enough and begged to be allowed out which they do--as long as she has a bodyguard with her at all times. the problem? robin had a hard time getting along with most of them. in fact, ryuji is kind of a last resort. if she doesn’t get on well with him, she’ll most likely be isolated until further notice

random facts

- she’s really smart, a natural genius you could say. she was on her third year in college before she was pulled from it (she’s studying to be a neurosurgeon like her father). she’s one of those organized highlighter/color coded note takers too

- robin is a very compassionate person and is compelled to help others as much as she can. 

- stubborn and determined, she’ll pursue nearly everything and won’t back down until she has answers. sometimes she doesn’t know when to stop and accidentally oversteps her boundaries. it’s not because she’s needlessly nosy but because she wants to know the whole story before she can help them

- she has a overactive imagination and would end up thinking up outlandish ideas to fill in the blanks of things she doesn’t know

- robin is one of those people who’s polite and reserved if she doesn’t know you but will talk your ear off when she’s comfortable with you

- she closer with her father, which is why she’s studying the same subject that he works in

- both of her parents are incredibly successful and she’s expected to do something similar so she has a lot on her shoulders

- she hasn’t worked a day in her life but she has unusually strong endurance and stamina

- she has a dog! he’s a golden retriever and his name is beck. he’s an old dog and she loves him very much 

next is ryuji

- his name is ryuji lor and he’s 22

- he also goes by “ryder” (technically he’s supposed to go by that throughout most of my half-baked story because he never told anyone is real name but that’s beside the point)

- he’s a quarter japanese and three quarters se asian (not really sure what kind yet but im thinking somewhere within the vietnam/laos area)

BACKSTORY 

- a bit of TW: FAMILY ABUSE in this passage so skip if it bothers you:  his mom got pregnant with him while she was in college and because her boyfriend bailed on her and stress of the pregnancy and burnout she dropped out and went back to her family. she was seen as “the good one” of the family and was expected to get a good job to get her family out of poverty however when she came back they were incredibly bitter that she “failed” and would verbally and emotionally put her down. They also blamed ryuji because if he wasn’t born then she wouldn’t have dropped out and he was often ostracized because of it. 

- fortunately he and his mom left when he turned 5. they lived in a small apartment and had to get lots of help from neighbors and friends to make ends meet (mostly to babysit ryuji while his mom worked). ryuji vowed to get smart and get a good job to give his mother the life she deserves (and partly because he feels a part of her really does hate him and he wants to make it up to her somehow because if he doesn’t, was he just a parasite like what his aunts and uncles said?)

- when he turned 10, his mom got married and how he has two moms. they’re hard on him but it’s from a place of love so he tries his best to be a good son by studying and staying out of trouble

- at 17, ryuji has a bit of hope ahead of him. he has a part time job, good grades, and maybe a scholarship if he could qualify. suddenly he’s diagnosed with cyborg’s disease in his eyes and arm. they can’t afford either of his surgeries, let alone one. and that’s not going into the prosthetics and rehab afterwards. at night when they think he’s asleep, ryuji hears his moms arguing about how they’ll be able to afford any of it and what they’ll have to do to pay for it. 

- he can’t take it anymore. he runs away

- he ends up in a city he doesn’t recognize and is just allowing himself to die but he gets saved by irving, a back alley repair doctor. he gets prosthetics thanks to her but is now in a massive debt so he works as her assistant and also finds other jobs on the side to repay it

- his backstory is getting really long so things happen in ryuji’s attempt to make money and he ends up also working with ace, who leads an organized crime group, as a handler whose job is to fight/intimidate/kill whoever. 

- a sudden coincidence also ends up working as robin’s bodyguard which starts everything. honestly he’s didn’t want to do this job at first but robin’s parents are willing to pay a good amount of money and it allows him to have time away from his jobs with ace

random facts

- he’s left hand but learned to be ambidextrous, however he’ll usually default to his left hand

- he wore glasses when he was younger (near sighted; it was super bad but he didn’t like it)

- he’s afraid of dogs. it’s not a full on phobia but they make him uneasy because of a childhood thing. (he’s more of a cat person and maybe pets a few stray cats that come across his house every once in a while)

- he doesn’t like people staring at him. he feels self-conscious because of the scar on his face and the shadowed bags under his eyes and people staring at him don’t help

- ryuji is really good with prosthetics repair and can go into in-depth discussions about the mechanics of it all; he actually really enjoys working on it and actually helped design his own arm

- he’s really smart but he had to work really hard to get there and because he never finished his education, he doesn’t really think he is either

- ryuji tries to give off a “i don’t care about anyone” bravado to try and distance himself from everything. but he really cares. like a lot. the few people he has in his life right now, he’s ride or die for them

- ryuji works himself to death to ignore his problems. he’s afraid if he stops moving, he’ll buckle under the pressure and stop forever

- he has a knife hidden in his prosthetic forearm which he will use if he feels threatened. (it’s probably a stiletto knife or something idk yet)

- ryuji is an early riser; waking up at 9 am feels like sleeping in to him. he’s not even that much of a morning person, its mostly out of habit

then there’s castor

- his name is castor oda and he’s 24

- he’s japanese

BACKSTORY

- he lived in a really strict and controlling family who owned a business where he had his entire life planned out for him up to who he was going to marry. he’s always been angry about it because he has older siblings who will take over the company and it’s clear that more of a control and image thing than anything else

- when he went to college, it was his first time actually be away from his family and became friends with a guy named ben. 

- ben helped castor when his family kicked him out at 19 and gave him a place to stay until he could get back on his feet

- castor loved ben like a brother and is forever grateful for him

- ben mysteriously disappeared when they were 21 and everyone is pretty sure he’s dead but no one knows why

- castor wants to find closure on what happened because he’s definitely sure there’s something shady going on and he’s going to find out what.

- he’s an information broker, occasionally crossing paths with ace to relay and gather info but for the most part, castor has been working alone

- when he’s not doing that though, he works as a barista at a coffee shop

random facts

- he has cyborg’s disease in his right arm and when he lived with his family, he was deeply self-conscious about it

- he hasn’t spoken to his parents since they kicked him out but he still talks to his siblings sometimes; he’s the youngest child with two older sisters

- he always had an inkling that ben had romantic feelings for him, which was unrequited, and castor always felt a little guilty that he never reciprocated or that they never got to talk about it

- castor always wears his red scarf no matter the occasion or weather; he has more scarves but he just likes the red one the best

- people think he’s like calm and collected but in reality he’s an impulsive, emotional driven idiot just like the rest of us

- however he is the master of the polite business smile because of his strict upbringing

- he’s a rather disorganized person

next is irving

- her name is ellie irving and she’s 35

- she’s half black, half white

BACKSTORY 

- i don’t have that much solidified for her backstory yet so it might change fyi

- irving had been doing cybernetic research back in college but someone plagiarized her work and submitted their paper before she came forward

- because the paper was published before she published hers, SHE was initially hit with backlash of plagiarism

- eventually they try to sort it out but in the end, while she proved she didn’t plagiarize the other, she couldn’t prove that she came up with the research first and they just terminated the both her and the plagiarist

- she was barred from going into higher cybernetics research and honestly she’s still a bit bitter about it

- she went into prosthetics repair instead but still struggled to find work because of her alleged reputation, which many still believed she stole another’s work

- eventually she manages to open up a shop that specializes in prosthetic repairs and replacements

random facts

- she’s really harsh and aloof, however she cares in her own way

- honestly irving doesn’t believe herself to be a good person due to how she feels she let herself to bitterly sulk in her anger for so long

- she smokes a bit but she’s trying to cut back lately

- irving won’t pry if you come to her with a broken arm and you need help; she’ll fix you up and leave it at that and allow you to come to her yourself

- she’s incredibly observant and can tell if your lying with just a glance

- she doesn’t know that ryuji works for ace; she’s concerned when he seems more tired than usual but she doesn’t know how to pry

last one cuz im tired

his name is ace (i don’t have a last name for him) and he’s 32

- he owns an organized crime ring; im thinking he’s connected to something bigger and possibly something with the black market

- not much is known about him but he’s a charismatic man and has the intimidation factor 

- he flips his demeanor a lot. one minute he’s jovial and kind then the next he’ll give you thinly veil threats. he mostly does it to keep people on their toes so it’s a power thing

- begrudgingly he’s the closest thing to a father figure ryuji is gonna get

- also the jacket ryuji always wears? it’s a gift from ace

and that’s all i got so far! i have a lot more ocs but i don’t have have a lot of backstory for them yet. let me know what you think of these guys and feel free to ask questions!

[captcas]

Screwed (A Destiel AU)

Screwed by capthamm (Part 1 of 2)

Dean inherits the old family inn and has to move home to fix it up for selling. When the work proves to be too much, he enlists in the town's only contractor's help– his neighbor, Castiel. Dean is short on time, stuck in a hometown riddled with old flames, and falling for the man who lives next door. He's screwed.

notes: I'm halfway through season 7 and missing Mr. Castiel on my screen so this poured out. I'm almost finished but here is part one. My first ever attempt in the Supernatural fan fiction world... please be kind. Thank to my lovely beta, Luke <3 (@bawley_bug) read on ao3

At this point, Dean’s left thumb had been hit by the hammer more than any of the nails and he was regretting every single choice he ever made that led him to this exact moment.

Why the fuck did he think he was cut out for restoring an inn? Not just any inn– the inn. The one John ran before he got too old and retired, eventually– well let’s just say Dean isn’t here out of any sort of living guilt.

Dean’s not sure why he’s here.

If he breaks it down, it’s because he received a letter in the mail exactly two months after the passing of his father detailing how Lawrence would have no choice but to tear down the old inn unless someone from his family claimed it.

Sam’s not going to leave his law practice and the life he built for Jess and the twins, out in California.

Dean’s the only one left.

So, taking things extremely literally, he’s here because a bunch of lawyers told him he needed to be.

Another slam into his thumb jolts his train of thought off its tracks and convinces him to pack it up for the night. He snaps the tools back into his massive toolkit and stands back to look at the old built-in shelves he decided would probably be the easiest to tackle on his own. Nodding at the good-enough outcome, he turns to scan the rest of the main floor.

Maybe the built-ins are the only thing he’s going to be able to do alone.

Dean doesn’t like the thought of teamwork– especially not with the grumpy prick who lives next door. His neighbor stopped by the day Dean arrived because apparently it was John’s dying wish that their neighbor offer his services when his estranged son eventually showed up to fix the inn. (Leave it to his father to leave Dean feeling inadequate from the great beyond.)

“No, thank you.” “Excuse me?” “You offered, I’m declining. Debt, paid.”   "As you wish, Winchester.”   Even wrapped in the neighbor’s deep lumbering voice, Dean winces at his last name– it feels just as constricting as it did when he thought he’d be stuck in this town forever, “Dean.” “Whatever.”

Dean thought that’d be the last he’d see of the guy until he marched away and slammed the door just across the small garden. That house used to be for whatever innkeeper his parents had hired, but when the inn closed they rented it out to whichever soul felt like a one bedroom one bathroom home was enough to live in.

Apparently that was this asshole.

They’ve seen each other three more times since then, but never long enough to even exchange names. Dean isn’t sure why he’s keeping track– each time just as unpleasant as the first. Sure, Dean could’ve been friendlier, but warning bells rattled through him every time the neighbor’s stormy eyes met his. Dean may have sworn off unnecessary human interaction for the foreseeable future, but he’s not blind and his neighbor isn’t hard to look at.

But his life has no room for attractive neighbors with an attitude problem.

Convincing himself there must be someone else in this town who knows their way around a fixer upper, Dean heads to the Roadhouse for dinner and hopefully the name of someone else to help him get the inn fixed up enough to sell.

Walking through the front door of the restaurant-meets-dive-bar, the familiar smell hits him like a breath of fresh air. He can’t believe he held out for almost a week before eating here. The Roadhouse is one of the few places left in the town left untouched by rotten memories and painful nostalgia. Nothing but good ever happens once he crosses this threshold and it’s that fact that allows him to relax for the first time since moving back to Lawrence.

He starts to order his usual and Jo winks signaling she remembers even after all these years– Dean can’t believe she runs this on her own now. Jo always swore she’d get out of this town, break the chains of her mother’s legacy, but nevertheless here she is– here they both are.

Jo looks happy, maybe even at home– Dean? Not so much.

The plate drops in front of him and Dean catches his old friend lingering a bit. He looks up and says thank you and that was all it took to spark some small town gossip from Jo. While he didn’t come back to rekindle any old relationships– friendly or otherwise– Dean doesn’t mind her company and before he knows it he’s laughing and taking his last bite of burger. The conversation starts to die and Dean remembers why he came to town in the first place, “Oh! Jo, I meant to ask. I’m fixing up the old inn and I need help. Do you have the number of someone who–”

“Of course, Dean! Chuck retired, but Castiel took over, after Gabriel ran off to Thailand.” Dean raises his eyebrow and Jo laughs, “ That’s a story for another meal. Here,” she hands over a napkin with a number scrawled across it, “Castiel is the best in town and will fix up that inn in no time.”

Castiel.  

Dean racks his brain for any recollection of someone named Castiel from their childhood but the name doesn’t ring a bell— and a name like that definitely would ring a bell. He supposes people must move to Lawrence, just like any town, and resigns it to someone new since he left.

He can’t expect everything to stay the same while he spent the last 15 years trying to change in every way imaginable.

Thanking his friend for the help, Dean pays and heads home for the night. Finally having the name of someone to help has lifted a huge weight off his chest. He sighs as he crawls onto the old mattress in the first floor suite, thankful it’s dark enough that he can’t nitpick all that needs to be done. The sooner he can get the inn fixed up, the sooner he can sell it and go back to Sioux Falls and the life he chose rather than the one his parents forced on him.

Maybe it was the comfort of the Roadhouse or the knowledge that this process will move twice as fast with a little help, but Dean sleeps better that night than he has in years. When he wakes with the sun, he feels energized and ready to continue his work on his family’s property.

He decides to start with disassembling the kitchen cabinets and it doesn’t take long for him to find a rhythm in his work— four screws and a trip to the pile, four screws, trip to the pile. Lost in the easy monotony, Dean forgets his decision to call for help until late into the morning. Hoping to catch the contractor before lunch, he brushes the dust from his hands and digs in his pocket for the napkin Jo had written on last night.

He’s not sure why he feels so anxious as he waits for the man on the other end of the line to pick up, but he supposes it rests on the fact that this man only knows Dean by the reputation he left town with— John’s other son.

Sam was always the golden child— pretty blonde cheerleaders and a full-ride to Stanford are not even an exaggeration when it comes to his younger brother.

Dean, on the other hand, was always rough around the edges, emotional, and different — let’s just say he’d go for the cheerleader or the quarterback.

As soon as Dean was shoved out of the closet— his dad walking in on him and Benny not leaving very much up for debate— John shut him out completely. Dean brushed it off as his dad’s way of fighting every piece of homophobia he was raised with, but the fact is: it was more likely he was disgusted by his own son.

But that was ages ago and, from what Sam’s told him, John died swearing his love for both his boys.

Not that Sam would tell Dean otherwise.

“Hello?” A gruff voice breaks him out of his daze and he’s startled back to the present day.

“Uh, hi. Yeah, uh, is this Castiel?” It’s the first time Dean’s said the name aloud and he can’t help but notice how easily it rolls off his tongue.  

“This is. How can I help you?” The man is all business, clearly not as affected by Dean’s use of his name as Dean was.

“Oh yeah, uh, I got your name from Jo at the Roadhouse? My name is Dean Winchester and I’m fixing up the old Winchester Inn and I’m realizing the job may be too massive to handle on my own.” Dean winces at his blatant request for help, never one to ask outright for assistance, but as he looks at the pile of kitchen cabinets which need to be sanded, painted, and rehung, he knows he can’t do this alone. He realizes the man on the other end of the line hasn’t said anything when he continues, “Uh, that is if you have the bandwidth for that…”

Another pause before the man, Castiel, speaks again, “I can be right over.”

Dean didn’t really know how to respond, he was expecting to bargain for payment or at least for a delay in starting the project. He’s not used to this immediate willingness to help a complete stranger. He’s about to stumble through a response when he realizes Castiel is no longer on the other end of the phone. He shrugs, and sets it on the counter as there’s a knock on the door.

Shit. The only way Castiel could’ve gotten here that fast is if he’s...  

Dean opens the door to the man he’s now seen a mere four times despite his permanent residence on Dean’s property. His neighbor— Castiel— looks different today. The usual softness that accompanies the man overtaken by strong arms, an AC/DC t-shirt, and a tool belt placed perfectly on his hips.

Whoa, Dean.  

“Uh, hi?” Dean isn’t sure how one goes about re-introducing themselves to apparently the only help in town after being an ass before. But he’s here and Dean introduced himself on the phone and he still came.

“Hello.” The man– Castiel– greets Dean so matter of factly as he glances around Dean quizzically, presumably taking in the whole of the inn. Dean is a little taken aback by this whole interaction and the way it’s entirely different than any they’ve shared previously. Castiel’s eyes meet Dean’s and Dean can’t help but notice a hint of playfulness before Castiel speaks again, “So you do need help?”

Dean rolls his eyes and Castiel laughs sending a shockwave through Dean he hasn’t felt in ages. He promptly ignores it before motioning towards the foyer and inviting his new contractor inside. They don’t exchange any pleasantries, but rather head right to work. Castiel asks questions about everything from the crown molding and stair railing to Dean’s plan for the half shattered French doors.

The man is thorough and he knows his stuff.

Maybe teamwork with him won’t be so bad.

They finish their walk through and Dean is relieved to hear that Castiel agrees the upstairs mostly needs some fresh paint. John left some money to fix up the inn, but not enough for a total overhaul. After working through the budget, they decide it’ll be more cost effective if it retains its original charm.

“Well, Dean, I like what we’ve got here and I think we can make something out of this.” Castiel slouches into one of the bar stools near the kitchen island as he surveys the room one more time. Dean does his best not to notice the sweat slowly making its way down Castiel’s collar bone and beneath the collar of his t-shirt, and the way he says Dean, and his implication that this is theirs . Dean hasn’t shared anything for most of his adult life– mostly because he hasn’t had anyone worth sharing something with.

But this inn feels like it’s meant to be shared, and Dean can’t seem to find any reason not to do so with Castiel.

“I’m glad you think so. I suppose we should discuss payment…” Dean trails off as Castiel’s gaze becomes confused.

“I don’t intend on charging you a dime, Dean.” Castiel’s matter of fact smile returns and Dean can’t ignore the way his gut flutters.

He’s not a nun, Dean’s been attracted to people for as long as he can remember being alive. From Lucy Jones in kindergarten to a myriad of characters in his adult life, he’s always been a people person loaded with an innate attraction for the kind of itches you scratch and forget ever existed.

Castiel is beginning to feel like an itch he’d like to scratch.

But that’d ruin everything, especially Dean’s plan to sell the inn for as much as humanly possible and then get the hell outta dodge.

“I appreciate that, but I have to give you something…” Castiel waves Dean off and he realizes arguing would be useless. “Thanks.”

Castiel nods before taking time to study Dean until it almost feels awkward. Dean is typically the one doing the studying, and he feels naked under this man’s gaze. They remain in a silence delicately balanced between comfortable and awkward until Castiel speaks again, “Well, best I get back to my place. I will see you tomorrow morning, Dean.”

As Castiel stands, he adjusts the toolbelt around his waist and Dean forces himself to look away, not willing to tempt himself with the flash of skin exposed during the adjustment. The contractor must notice because he smirks slightly before nodding his head in goodbye. If he didn’t know better, Dean would swear Castiel walks a bit closer to him than is necessary. He shakes it off before heading to the bathroom to shower off the grime of the day before checking in with Sam, Jess, and the kids.

. . .

They work surprisingly well together.

His new partner is a quiet but sturdy presence throughout the day– rarely chatting about more than the weather or whatever task needs to be done– but on occasion Dean will learn a bit more about him. He’s started to compile a list of Cas’s likes and dislikes– for example, Cas likes that Dean gave him a nickname.

“Hey, Cas, can you hand me the socket wrench?”   "Cas?” “Uh, yeah, short for Castiel. You got too many syllables, man.”

Cas nodded and moved on with the task, but Dean can’t help but notice the small smirk everytime he has to call Cas by name. Cas also smiles whenever a screw goes in without a fight and when the first raindrop of an impending storm hits his forehead.

Dean likes it when Cas smiles. (Apparently Dean’s compiled a list for that, too.)

He’s tried to largely ignore the growing attraction for the man he’s working with for more than eight hours a day, but it gets more difficult with each glance to make sure the other is still in one piece and every accidental touch of hands when they pass off a tool.

At least Dean tells himself it’s accidental.

He hadn’t gotten enough out of Cas to even know if he “plays for that team,” as Sam likes to say. Dean is almost positive John wouldn’t have encouraged the two work together if Cas is gay, but there are moments that give him more hope that he deserves.

“Dean!” Cas’s steady voice startles him from the monotony of painting kitchen cabinets and his overflowing thoughts.

He puts down the paintbrush and walks over to the fireplace where Cas is supposed to be sanding down the mantle, “Yeah, Cas, what is it?” There’s that smile– sometimes Dean wonders if he uses his nickname for Cas just to get a glimpse of it.

“I’m hungry and I’m out of sand paper.” Cas looks up from the stool he’s been sitting on for hours with a hint of puppy dog eyes. Dean isn’t exactly paying Cas so he could definitely come and go as he pleases, but they tend to stick to a similar schedule everyday. Checking his watch, Dean sees it is lunchtime and agrees to head into town for a sandwich.

“I should probably get cleaned up a bit…” Cas trails off as he surveys his dusty jeans and sweat drenched t-shirt. Without trying to, Dean gets lost in the unfairly attractive mess of it all for a moment too long. He looks up to speak again and Cas is smirking almost knowingly.

Shit.

“Yeah, sure. You can use the shower here if you want but no promise there’s any hot water.” Dean scratches behind his ear nervously. This wasn’t any sort of purposeful invitation, but he can’t help but feel a wad of want fall into his stomach. Cas simply nods his thanks before heading into the main floor bathroom with a change of clothes he brought “just in case”. Dean laughed when Cas told him that he’s always that prepared and cited the fact that Cas only lives thirty steps away from the inn. He simply shrugged and said “You never know” and that was the end of that. Dean supposes Cas was right and the change of clothes had come in handy.

Though, not exactly how Dean thought they would.

As he hears the shower turn on, Dean goes back to painting kitchen cabinets in hopes of distracting himself from the very attractive, very naked man that is showering in the next room. It works for a while but eventually the knowledge feels stifling and Dean decides to clean up quickly and wait for Cas on the porch.

“What’re you waiting out here for?” Cas walks outside, resting his arm on the doorframe to only accentuate his bicep muscles. Dean knows if he looks at what is probably disheveled and wet hair from the shower it’ll take every piece of willpower he has not to jump the guy right then and there.

“Let’s go.” He leads Cas to his car without looking in his direction or answering his question. As Dean walks around the back of the impala he sees Cas smirk again.

Bastard.

They take the short drive into town before stopping at the hardware store. Dean needs to pick up some new screws so he can finish the cabinets and Cas needs some more sand paper so they decide to split up and grab what they need. Cas cuts right, beelining for the aisle like he lives here– now that Dean thinks about it, Cas probably does come here a lot– and Dean wanders to the left looking for the screw aisle.

He ends up finding them along with a confused pre-teen boy comparing screw sizes to an outlet cover. Dean laughs to himself before offering his help, “Anything I can help with?”

The boy turns to Dean, startled at first, but then relaxing when he doesn’t sense any immediate threat, “Yeah, that’d be great. My mom sent me in here twenty minutes ago, but I don’t know anything about this stuff.”

Dean laughs, “Well, your Dad should’ve taught you screw shopping at the very least.”

“How could he do that when he doesn’t know I exist?” The kid says it so matter of factly, Dean isn’t even sure he heard him correctly. He scans him for signs of distress, but whatever therapy he’s getting must’ve worked because the kid goes back to comparing screws without missing a beat.

“Fair enough. Here, you’ll want these ones,” Dean grabs a four pack of the screws the kid is looking for and hands it to him. “Then you’ll have extras in case you need to replace another one.”  

“Awesome, thanks! My names–”

“Ben? What’s taking you–” Dean winces, he’d know that voice anywhere and the fact she paused means… “Dean?! What are you doing talking to… what’s going on here?”

“Mom!”

“Lisa…”

Ben (apparently) and Dean speak at the same time, both turning towards the woman Dean hasn’t thought about in years. They were something– more than something– for about a year, but John’s pressure pushed Dean out of town and Lisa refused to leave Lawrence... so now they're here, awkwardly looking at each other in a hardware store.

“Lisa, look, I can explain–”

“Dean, I found the sandpaper and I also grabbed some extra paint for that wall in the living–” Dean’s cut off as Cas rounds the corner looking down at the sandpaper packaging and clearly missing all the fun in aisle nine, “Oh. Hi!”

Then Cas waves , an adorable wave that if Dean wasn’t so goddamn turned around probably would’ve sent him spiraling. Dean facepalms to hide his smile and proceeds to rub his calloused hands through his hair trying to decide what to say next. But Ben must be oblivious to the absolute shit storm happening a foot above his current height because he chooses this moment to chime in, “I was confused about which screws to get and Dean offered to help, Mom. That’s all. And look,” Ben holds up the package Dean handed him what feels like an eternity ago, “Got ‘em!”

That kid just saved Dean’s ass.

Lisa still looks a little stunned to see Dean– his return had seemingly not reached the far ends of the town gossip chain quite yet– but then she glances back towards Cas… and then back to Dean.

He’s about to correct her when she surprises him with a hug.

They didn’t exactly end on bad terms, but he probably could’ve been nicer when he told her he was leaving.

Hence why the hug catches him off guard, as does what she quietly whispers in his ear, “I’m glad you found someone that makes you smile like that again.”

Dean can't even formulate a correction before Lisa’s telling Ben to thank Dean for his help and the pair is heading down the other end of the aisle. He turns towards Cas who is staring intensely at a speck on the floor by his feet, but seems to be smiling all the same.

Maybe Dean isn’t wrong about him.

They check out and head back to the Impala in silence. It isn’t until they get home after swinging through the drive thru that Dean even realizes he forgot to grab the screws.

[niall-the-churchboy]

The Better One ~ Louis Tomlinson x reader

In which Louis leave Y/n for her sister

Warnings: Kinda angsty

Word Count: 1.8K

Y/n had always been the overlooked sister, I mean, she could understand why, being the smallest of three girls made it hard to stand out. 

Her sisters were beyond unique and with extreme beauties, they were talented and intelligent and more than she could dream of ever being. And then, there was little Y/n, the one who always had to think twice before giving her opinion because she feared it would be wrong; the one who at the dinner table no one would hear what she had to say, sometimes even interrupting her mid-sentence; the one who everyone thought her suggestion on something was not reliable or useful. She wouldn’t dare to complain though, she had grew up with a silver spoon granted at her, and she was well aware of how privileged she was. 

However it didn’t take away the pain, and she felt guilty for that, what right did she have to complain when people all around the world didn’t have to eat? Or a comfy place to live in? So whenever someone --her friends even-- joked about her being the failure of the family she laughed along them and made it look as if it was funny. She knew they didn’t actually mean it --she was sweet and people loved being around her-- but it still hurt. 

She didn’t complain about her beauty, it was just a standard given by society, and she was happy with being ‘average’, but it killed her whenever someone would meet any of her two sisters and instantly comment on how beautiful they were. And their intelligence, Y/n could swear they knew almost everything, always had bright A’s and B’s without even trying. Unfortunately it wasn't her case, she had to study for weeks to ace an exam, try to memorise and understand the logic of every detail in every book. She knew she wasn’t the smartest --not that she was dumb either-- but comparing herself to her sisters made her mad. Was it too hard to give her a brain too?

She believes her mother noticed this repetitive comparison, maybe the countless of times her mother had overheard Y/n encouraging herself to keep on studying because her sisters would have had great marks, or the amount of times she had cached her own daughter glancing on the mirror, examining her nose or lips or face. 

“What are you doing?”, her mother had once asked when she found Y/n comparing her report card to her sisters’ ones. “Nothing! I’m sorry”, she apologised.

Apologise. She would always apologise for the tiniest of errors. “Y/n, it’s okay. It’s no big deal, you don’t need to apologise”, her mom would asure her but it just didn't sit right. 

Her parents were happy and eager when Y/n announced she would bring home her boyfriend for the holidays. In her short twenty-four years of life she had never had a boyfriend or a special someone, something that had also been different from her sisters’ teenage years. They where even more surprised when they found out it was no other than Louis Tomlinson himself. 

Louis and Y/n had met in an interview, she was asking him question about his new album like the professional reporter she was when all of a sudden he asked her out. 

“I’m sorry, I believe I didn’t hear you correctly”, she said brushing her hair behind her ear. Louis laughed, that charming laugh that would cause dimples in his cheeks and Y/n couldn't contain her blushing. My god! Why was she so dumb and awkward?!

“I asked if you would like to go out sometime, maybe go to a coffee place or to a bar...”, he asked again waiting for her to answer with a positive response. Y/n glanced at her coworkers who were filming them and the she looked back at Louis, “me? You want to go on a date with me?” Poor Y/n, she couldn’t believe it herself someone would invite her out, let alone a celebrity, she believed this was a twisted joke her mind was playing on her. 

“Yes. If you don’t want to I totally understand”, Louis was quick to answer. So she said yes, and she pinched herself during the whole date just to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

It was difficult for Y/n to open up, someone was suddenly asking for her opinions in certain things and questioning about her day, but Louis knew what he was getting himself into and truly believed she was worth it. It took Y/n a whole year and a half to bring Louis home, she was scared of him meeting her sisters and suddenly realising how little she had to offer. Obviously she would never tell him this and always excused herself saying they were very far away from her hometown.

The day would eventually come, and now there they were, standing at the door of her childhood house with a grip on their suitcases and tight coats against the cold December winter. “Y/n!”, Avery, the second child, greeted them with a christmas hat and a warm hug towards her little sister before welcoming them in. 

“Avery, this is Louis. Louis, this is Avery”, she said with a sweet smile as they shook hands. “Y/n, is that you, sweetheart?”, the cheerful voice of her mother reached her and Y/n felt herself grow happier, soon enough her mother was coming out of the living room with an eager look on her face. “Is this handsome man Louis?”, she continued to ask after hugging tightly her younger daughter. 

Louis liked being here, they didn’t seem to treat him like a celebrity and that made him feel normal for once, he wrapped his arms around Y/n’s waist as they sat on the dinner table that was already waiting for them with a big turkey. The table held all new faces for him, Y/n’s father who smiled proudly when asked who had cooked; Avery and her Husband, Chris, who was a Lawyer; and Y/n’s mother. 

“Where is Tessa?”, Y/n asked when everyone began serving themselves food. “Oh, Tessa wasn't feeling well. I believe she's asleep”, her mother answered her and Y/n ordered herself to remain happy even though she had a sad feeling forming on her chest. 

Tessa and Y/n didn't have the brightest of relationships, Tessa had always been somewhat mean towards Y/n and the younger sibling had never know why. When she was eight she came to the conclusion that her sister hated her, Y/n tried everything to become part of Tessa’s white list but the task seemed impossible. So she kept her head down low and sinked in the words her sister would tell her because she clearly had done something wrong and she had to pay the price of it. 

“Oh...”, Y/n made a pregnant pause, a year had gone by since she last saw her sister, why would Tessa prolong their reunion even further?, “I’ll be sure to go say hi to her when we finish eating.”

“That won’t be needed”, all eyes fell on the women who walked down the stairs with sturdy long legs, hair curled perfectly and her face completely clean even though she didn't have a single drop of make up on. Y/n felt Louis hand fall from her waist. 

“Tessa, is so nice to see you again”, Y/n stood up from her chair and went to greet her sister. “Good to see you too, Y/n”, the older one answered looking at her right in the eye. “Em, sorry, this is Louis”, Y/n continued to present her boyfriend after a quick hug. 

“Nice to meet you, Louis.”

-----

Their connection was almost instant and Y/n hated herself for it. Tessa had recently divorced and Louis seemed like the perfect distraction. However, Louis grew interested in his girlfriend’s sister. They both had the same age, so it instantly gave them more similarities; they liked football, a sport Y/n never really understood; and a special chemistry between them that Y/n had never experienced ever in her life. 

Y/n became more impatient for the two weeks to end so she and Louis could go back home and escape her sister’s seductive stares. But Y/n knew, she knew her time was running out when Louis barely spent time with her and began replacing her with Tessa. Both Avery and her mother attempted to keep Y/n occupied with other things, but the reality was that no one knew what to do. 

She was taking the garbage out when she spot them, it took her almost five seconds to realise that it was in fact his boyfriend kissing his sister, that’s when she knew it was over. Her stupid, little to offer self had lost again, this time however, the only person who actually listened to her. So she went back inside and told herself that she should leave because who was she to ruin their love? She wanted them to be happy, and if they needed each other to achieve that she would have to move from their way, even if it hurt her in the process. 

The sun had already set and it was snowing when she told Louis. She had asked him to go outside to talk for a little while and he had agreed with an irritated look on his face.

“I bought an airplane ticket to leave at dawn”, was the first thing she said. 

“What? Why would you do that?”, Louis asked as anger began stirring in his insides, they didn't leave until three more days and christmas was still to arrive! Y/n cupped her hands together as she tried not to cry, she wasn't allowed to cry. 

“I only bought one, for me. You should stay here with Tessa and my family, I don’t want to damage things for you”, she explained sighing. It was hard to let go. 

Louis knew instantly what she was talking about, she knew. Maybe they hadn't been as careful as they thought, but he wasn't sorry --probably just a little that he had broke Y/n on the process, but he knew she would get over it--, he wanted Tessa, he loved Tessa. 

“I’m really sorry, Louis”, Y/n said. What was she apologising for? Oh well, she had forgot. “I won’t ruin things anymore. I’ll leave and grab my things back at home, it will be like I was never even there, I promise.” She felt angry at herself for letting tears spill from her eyes, “I’m sorry. I’ll leave now, thanks for everything Louis.”

Indeed she left, with barely an explanation towards her family and a shuttered heart. Don’t they say goodbyes are the hardest? And Y/n knows that what comes always goes.

--------------

I feel sad for Y/n and mad at both Tessa and Louis! I think she deserves a better ending, what do you guys think? 

Part 2 is here

[thebluenebula]

This just an idea I had for a Batfam story. Batman takes in a new child after they lose everything. I don't have any idea where this story will go or if I'll continue it for long.

Masterlist

Day 2

Day 3

A New Bat Pt1

I stepped out of the limo and looked on at the huge mansion looming over me. "Holy shit."

"Indeed Miss Ashleigh." Alfred had gotten out if the car and was now standing beside me. "You head inside now and I'll grab your bags."

"Let me help you Alfred."

"Nonsense. Master Bruce is waiting for you inside. It's best you go see him immediately."

I nodded to him and walked up to the door. It seemed so much larger now that I was in front of it. I knocked gently on in it. Within a minute the huge door swung open and behind it stood Bruce Wayne.

"Welcome to Wayne Manor, Ashleigh."

I looked in awe at the huge entrance hall.

"Ahsleigh. I'm glad that you are here. I tried to make sure most of the children are out today. I imagine meeting them all at once would be overwhelming."

"Exactly how many people live here?" I asked.

Bruce shrugged and laughed a little. "Honestly I'm not sure. It varies from day to day. At any one time there's usually at least eight people here."

"Jeez."

A voice chimed in from behind. "I couldn't have said it better myself."

I turned to see Alfred walking in the door carrying my bags. "Let me help you with those."

"No need Miss Ashleigh. I see no reason in bringing these any further until you have picked a room."

I turned back to Bruce. "I get to pick a room?"

"Well there's quite a few unused room in the manor. I'll get Dick to show you around and you can choose any of the unused rooms."

"Shall I retrieve Master Grayson?" Alfred asked.

"If you wouldn't mind Alfred." Bruce turned back to me. "Dick is my eldest and between us, he has more common sense then most of my other children."

A moment later Dick appeared out of one of the doors. "Alfred said you're ready for me to show the new kid around." He turned to look at me. " And there she is. Nice to meet you, I'm Dick Grayson."

"The names Ashleigh."

"Well Ashleigh, I'll show you around the place." He motioned for me to follow him.

Bruce placed a hand on my shoulder. "You go with Dick and Alfred will prepare dinner. Any allergies or general dislikes he should know about?"

I shook my head. "No none."

Bruce nodded and I took off after Dick.

"B's happy to take you in. Despite the fact he has like a dozen kids he's still not all that good at this parenting thing but he tries. I mean really how bad could he be. I turned out alright.

Dick showed me around the first floor. It had all the practical everyday rooms you would expect in a house. Kitchen, dining room, living room, etc. We chatted as we went through the rooms. Little fun facts about the manor. When it was built, what extensions had been added, etc. He even told me about himself. How he ended up in Bruce's care. He seemed like a nice guy. I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy it here.

"The second floor is mostly like hobby rooms." Dick said as we climbed the stairs to the next floor. "You got any hobbies?"

"I like to draw."

"Well theres a drawing room, a painting room, a music room, a gym, and a room for just about every other hobby you could have."

"Every hobby?"

"Every." Dick put a lot of emphasis on the word.

"Archery?"

"There's a range in the garden.

"Metalwork?"

"There's equipment for that down in the basement, along with woodworking equipment and the sorts."

"How about a shooting range?"

"There's one down in the cave. Jason kept at B until he had one installed."

The idea of Red Hood bugging Batman until he gave in paints a beautiful image in my head.

Dick pointed to a piece of paper hung on the wall. "Steph insisted on putting these maps around on this floor. There's one in almost every hall. She kept getting lost looking for Cass everytime she took up a new hobby."

I examined the map for a moment. "That's a lot of different rooms.""Yeah, it's B's way of showing interest in what were up to. Any time someone mentions an interest in something he has a room renovated to suit that hobby or interest."

"That sounds awesome." I was slightly in awe.

Dick smirked. "Yeah, one of the many perks of being adopted by a billionaire. Babs once complained about the price of cinema tickets, a week later we had an indoor cinema."

"Guess I should just complain a lot." I joked.

Dick laughed. "Anyway I don't think I need to show you around this floor. The maps should be enough direction. Steph works hard to keep them updated." Dick started up the stairs to the third floor. "This floor is all the bedrooms."

Suddenly a shape jumped down from the floor above and landed in from of me. I jumped back and lost my footing. I land back on the second floor. I opened my eyes to see Dick and the shape, a cat, a fuckin cat running down the stairs to me.

"Are you okay Ashleigh?"

I got to my feet. "I'm fine, just a little bruised." I glared at the cat.

"That is Alfred the Cat. He's a bit mischievous."

I watched the cat run off. "Yeah I think I got that. Any other pets I should know about?"

"Well we have two dogs, Ace and Titus, and Batcow."

"Is Batcow a mix between-"

"No, she's just a cow."

"Okay. Yeah a cow bat hybrid would be ridiculous."

"Well should we tour the next level?" Dick gestured up the stairs.

"Sure."

This time we reached the top of the stairs uninterrupted.

"I can't really show you inside the rooms, cause you know invasion of privacy and all that, but I can show you where my room is if you need me, and I'll show you the empty ones."

We walked down a couple of hallways and then stopped outside a door. Dick pushed the door open. "This is my room."

I looked inside. A large double bed against one wall. Gym equipment in the corner but other than that is was pretty ordinary, A dresses and a wardrobe. A big Tv and one one wall a large poster of The Flying Graysons. "It's nice.

"Thank you. Most of my personal belongs are in my apartment in Bludhaven so it's a little bland here. Theres plenty of empty rooms on this floor but I figure you probably want one with a window."

"That'd be nice"

We spent the next twenty minutes or so going through rooms I could choose but to me they all had the same problem. They were two big. I didn't own a lot of stuff. At least I didn't bring a lot of stuff here with me and the last thing I wanted was to be in a big empty room. Eventually we came to a smaller room. I took one step in side and it felt warm. Welcoming even. I turned to Dick. "What about this one?"

"You sure this ones okay? It's a lot smaller than some of the other ones."

"Yeah, its enough room for me." I smiled at him.

"Okay then. Remember you can always change to another one later if this one doesn't suit. I'll have Alfred bring your stuff after dinner."

"I'll bring them up. I'm sure Alfred is busy enough."

Dick smirked. "I think Alfred will like you. Dinners probably nearly ready. You can chill here for a while or wonder around. Just come down to the dining room soon. If you can remeber where it is."

I giggled. "Im sure I'll find it."

He left and I just stood there. Thinking. A month ago my life was completely different but after today everything changes. I smiled out the window. It overlooked the huge back garden. Honestly if I was just passing by the outside I'd assume this place was a hotel. I guess I should go down for dinner. Today is the beginning of a new life.A few flights of stairs and a couple wrong turns later I was in the dining room. The huge table was empty bar Dick sitting near the top.

I sat down across from him. He looked over to me. "Dinner might be another couple of minutes." Looked around to make sure no one else was in the room. "Apparently B tried to help Alfred. Which always ends in disaster."

"Not always." Bruce's voice chimed in from the other side of the room.

Dick flinched at the sound of the voice. "Piece of advice. If you ever talk bad of B, he usually pops up behind you."

Bruce laughed a little and took his seat at the head of the table. "Alfred is just finishing up the meal and will be joining us soon. I hope you enjoy spaghetti bolognese Ashleigh."

"One of my favourites."

"Trust me." Dick chimed in. "Alfred is the best cook in the world."

"While it may not be quite as good as Master Dick says it is most certainly above average." Alfred said as he walked into the room carrying a tray.

"Humble as ever Alfred." Bruce smiled.

"Of course Sir."Alfred set the tray down on the table and began to head back out of the room.

"Won't you be joining us Alfred?" Bruce asked.

Alfred stopped and turned to us. "Of course Sir." He took a seat next to Dick.

"So Ashleigh, have you chosen a room yet?" Bruce asked as he ate.

I had a mouth full of food. Typical. Silence for a second as I swallowed it. "Yes, it's one at the back. It looks over the garden. It lovely out there."

"She actually picked one of the smallest rooms." Dick pointed out.

"Huh." Bruce seemed intrigued. " I don't think anyone has deliberately picked a small room before." He then points to Alfred. "The garden is for the most part Alfred's work."

"It's a nice way to keep myself busy on my days off." Alfred commented.

Dick looked over to me. "Saturday and Sunday are Alfred's days off. Though he does usually still cook those days."

"Yes. Cooking is another thing I find to be relaxing." Alfred then glared over at Dick. "And if I didn't this manor would have burnt to the ground years ago.

"We're not that bad Alfred."

"Shall I tell Miss Ashleigh about the time-"

"No."

"Or perhaps-"

"No Alfred, that's quite alright." Dick turned to me. "Okay so maybe there's a reason most of us are banned from the kitchen.

I giggled and from the head of the table table Bruce let out a small chuckle."

Both Alfred and Dick stared at Bruce for a moment before they began to chuckle themselves. The rest of the dinner went by with lots of chatting and laughing.

"Alfred, delicious as always." Dick complimented the food as he took the last of it up in his fork.

"Thank you Master Dick." Alfred stood up from the table and gathered all the empty plates. "Now if you dont mind, I must tend to the dishes."

Dick stood up. "I'll help you Alfred. You should give Ashleigh a heads up about tommorow B."

Bruce nodded to him as the two left the room.

I looked to Bruce slightly concerned. "What happens tommorow?"

"Nothing serious. Dick just meant all the people that'll be around."

"Oh, how many people?"

Bruce shrugged. "Honestly I'm not sure. As I said it varies. Probably at least four, but it could be like ten. My guess is quite a few. Once they know theres a new person in the house im guessing most of them will come around for a while hoping to meet you."

"Oh." I was slightly worried at the thought of meeting so many people.

"I've warned them not to swarm you. My guess is they'll 'bump' into you across the day. Probably in groups of one or two."

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"I'd warn you about each of them individually but i think its best you learn about them each yourself. Also ever door in this manor can be locked. If you need some time alone."

I nodded and stood up from the table. "Thank you. I should probably head to bed early after the flight. Jetlag and what not.Goodnight. If you need anything dont be afraid to ask."

"Of course. Goodnight."

I walked back to the entrance and grabbed my bags. I went up to my room, only taking one wrong turn this time. It took awhile to fall asleep but eventually it came to me.

I sat up. I was sweating. It was still dark outside. I stood up and threw on my clothes from yesterday. "It was just a dream, just a dream." I took a moment to settle my self. "Now where was that bathroom Dick showed?"

A couple of minutes of aimless wandering later and I found it. After I had emptied my bladder and washed the sweat off my face I headed back to my room. I approached the door when I saw two men walk out of my room. "Dick?"

"There you are." Dick walked over to me. "We just got back from patrol figured I'd check in on you."

I looked him up and down. He was still wearing his Nightwing costume. "Are you expecting something to happen to me?"

"No. Its just wanted to check in on you."

The figure behind him joined in. "He's very motherly kid. Best get used to it."

As my eyes adjusted to the darkness I noticed the other figure was holding a helmet.

Dick pointed to him. "This is Jason or just Jay. Jay this is Ashleigh."

"Nice to meet you."

"Likewise." Jay turned to Dick. "Im gonna go get some shut eye. You can put the kid back to bed." He walked by by me and into one of the rooms.

"Jay's like that with everyone." Dick assured me. "You'll get use to it. The rest of the gang came in a while ago, they were asking about you."

"Oh."

"They're excited to meet you." He patted my shoulder. "Im going to get some rest my self. You know where I am if you need me."

I nodded and headed back to my room. I managed to fall back to sleep for awhile.

[zosin-ya]

You got...

@elliemehl​

[Your whole match up is under the cut.]

Why you match...

You getting along with literally anyone, and Ace being the charming man he is, this matches up perfectly. As shy as you could be sometimes, Ace breaks the ice easily with you, causing a harmonic conversation. Fairness is something he values a bunch, and he adores that fact that you speak out about it. It shows courage and strength in his eyes, to have the guts to voice your opinion about some unjustice. Not something everyone has, but for sure something the flame likes. Even when you’re being self critical, Ace is the right man to bring you back to reality and tell you, to not be so harsh on yourself. He won’t sugar coat anything, however he’s a great support for your weaknesses. As well as you would be to his. Ace has this insecurity of being unlovable and not being enough for you or others. You being empathetic will help him greatly and make him feel better. That’s exactly what he needs in a relationship. 

Pre relationship: Let’s say the first time he noticed you was when you voiced your opinion about injustice. The way you handled the situation was so mature and calm. It sparked his interest and soon you found this freckle face trying to talk to you. He’s quite talkative and charming by nature. It starts with some usual smalltalk, before you two share your love for the beauty of the sea in an intense conversation. At some point he noticed, that you were quite skill in arts. Creative people always had his interest. Ace was quite creative himself, but not really crafty. His creativity went into his style of fighting and planning things out with new ideas. But he wanted to try something else. At some point he asked you, if you could show him how to draw. He’s surely not the best and struggles quite a bit. However just spending time with you like this, and additionally learning a new skill was worth the struggle. 

Post relationship: Due to him being part of an infamous crew, it will be hard to spend time with him. He wasn’t quite comofrtable to take you with him and dragging you into the whole danger of being a pirate. However, he’d visit you whenever he could and write you tons of letters. I can tell you that his man loves you dearly and shows it everytime he sees you again. The fact that he struggled quite a bit to comit to a romantic relationship, says a lot. Now he had you and you were his biggest treassure. Every letter you would recieve would be filled with words of affection and care. Sometimes, he’d add a few drawings he made snd sent them to you as a personal gift. To your surprise he got better and better. Ace always kept a few of your pieces in his room, with a few photos you two took together. He loves the memories with you and harbos every second of it. He even keeps a picture of you two together in his pocket, just to remind himself that someone out there love and cares for him. He’s quite the romantic thats for sure. 

Issue you could have: The fact that you’re together with Rogers son is already a huge risk. Before you commited to him, he told you about it and made sure you were okay with it. The government didnt just hunt him down for him being a pirate, but also for his blood. Ace is well aware how his mother had to hide just because she was pregnant with Rogers child, and he feard this could happen to you  if they figured out you had connection to the firefist. Ace tries to keep the relationship a secret, and you surely have the protection of the Whitebeards. This was a request from Ace to his captain. He couldn’t lose you just because of his blood, but he couldn’t protect you all the time either. 

who you would get along with:

This might be a surprise, but Smoker likes anyone who speaks out for injustice. Same with Ace, he thinks it takes some guts to say it out loud and deal with peoples opinions. And he knows how important it is, to point any sort of discrimination out. If no one does it, injustice continues which he’d rather avoid. Additionally, your cozy style fits his pretty well. Smoker is someone who likes it rather comfortable, may it be in his office or at home. This also counts for any leassure activity. He’d prefer a comfortable movie night or just a chat at a bar over something loud and energetic. 

and...

At some point Ace will introduce you to his close friends, which will include the Strawhats. The sniper will engage into talks with you a bit hesitantly. He’s quite shy as well but still very friendly. The fact that you have a passion for art sparks his interest. Ussop loves to draw and craft, and might ask you to help him out with some designs. The patient you have is quiet helpful for this, and he very much enjoys your company. He’s quite the movie nerd himself, and will watch some horror movies with you just to brag. Let me tell you though, he’s pretty scared of them. But overall, a very cozy friendship. 

[luluwquidprocrow]

love was made for me and you (and you)

originally posted: february 15th, 2019

word count: 22,821 words

rated: teen

beatrice baudelaire/bertrand baudelaire/lemony snicket, beatrice baudelaire/lemony snicket, beatrice baudelaire/bertrand baudelaire

violet baudelaire, klaus baudelaire, beatrice baudelaire, lemony snicket, bertrand baudelaire, kit snicket, the duchess of winnipeg, dewey denouement, olivia caliban, beatrice snicket

alternate universe – modern setting, alternate universe – everybody lives/nobody dies, alternate universe – parent trap fusion, family, romantic comedy, humor, with occasional required sad undertones, screenplay/script format, less of a fic and more of an outline but one hell of an outline, with enthusiastic swearing by yours truly, referenced but very background kit/dewey and duchess/olivia

Summary:

[so beatrice is nicholas, lemony is elizabeth, violet is annie, klaus is hallie, bertrand is the absolute worst at being meredith because he is a Genuinely Nice Person so honestly he’s really not meredith at all, and those parallels are all a little loose anyway because i moved places and conversations and character roles and basically everything around, everyone is just a mess. where is vfd????? i sure don't know.]

Notes:

back in march 2018, the good the iconic the legendary the CLASSIC ace attorney parent trap au came back on my dash and I decided to rewatch the parent trap a few days later, and as I was watching it, I thought, ‘i wonder how that would work with asoue, and lemony and beatrice, and of course with them getting together with bertrand,’ because I will of course ship the three of them together in any fic I can, but I told myself ‘girl, you cannot write this fic. you have too many other fics to write, you canNOT write this fic.’

I then told myself, ‘well, yeah, okay, but that doesn’t mean I can’t outline it.’

and then the outline spun wildly out of control, to the point where i was never going to write it as a full actual fic because it wasn't going to work like that anymore, but also to the point where it had a life of its own and was in my opinion somehow still worth reading like an actual fic. this is over 20k of a lemonberry ice parent trap au half-fic/half-outline/half-weird-script/wonderful mess of conversations and headcanons, and I genuinely hope my weirdly detailed ramblings (and unapologetic swearing) bring people as much unbridled joy as they bring me. I wrote this with the intention to have fun, and I hope!! you have fun too!!!

I think you can get through this with a working knowledge of the parent trap movie (1998 version) but a thorough knowledge is also very good

title obviously corrupted from love by nat king cole

.

lemony and beatrice, young and definitely foolish and definitely in love but totally not thinking this through, marry (fairly soon after college) and beatrice has twins, violet and klaus (violet is two minutes older, their birthday in this splits the difference between (what I personally image to be) their canon birthdays, so that’s, what, january 8th or something???? first I had it as the 3rd but nick and liz marry in the movie on january 8th and I was like ‘well that’s not too big a change to make in the name of a good reference’).

not long after, their marriage dissolves (for, well, pretty much canon reasons???? I mean like with less accusations of arson and criminal activity. lemony has Radical Commitment Issues and beatrice is Impulsive and Angry and Not Taking Anyone’s Shit and honestly how they made it through marriage and having kids with all those problems completely in tact and never doing anything about them is anyone’s guess, love is Occasionally Not Cool), they divorce, and lemony takes violet and beatrice takes klaus.

they both leave The City which I have always imagined as new york even though i’ve never spent a second there in my life, but anyway, beatrice does go to california (she likes the weather, but she does not end up in sanfran (danhan’s hometown) – the part of me simultaneously obsessed with a different fandom is screaming santa barbara!!!! but no i’m going to stick with the movie and say although she’s not in a vineyard she is in napa), the idea of lemony just being in england as like, a concept, and especially with a broken heart, is hilarious to me

kit: do I have to confiscate your copy of keats?

kit: do I?

kit: do I, lemony??????

beatrice raises klaus with the help of the duchess of winnipeg (and ramona’s delightfully sentimental and frankly adorable wife, olivia caliban, I will sail this ship single-handedly I guess) (what is ramona doing in california????? OH MAN DO I FINALLY GET TO BUST OUT THIS LINE I TOOK OUT OF THE BAYBEA FIC

ramona: have you seen winnipeg lately???

ramona: there’s not much for me to duchess over.

actually it’s probably that ramona’s mother is still alive in this (otherwise what would be the POINT of everybody lives/nobody dies modern au???? fucking fight me) and she takes care of winnipeg and ramona was like ‘…...canada’s not doing it for me’ and her mother was like ‘canada doesn’t do it much for anyone, dear.’ and ramona skedaddled to california with olivia, which worked out because they have banging careers as artists out in california.) (ramona paints (she likes watercolors and pastels), olivia actually writes historical fiction lesbian romance novels (where everyone also lives!!! she writes an on point jazz age novel only everyone lives and it’s great) (why historical fiction??? olivia is a sucker for romance and loves big sweeping romance epics….and ramona) (are her books just. period piece self-inserts with her and ramona??? well why the FUCK not), they are both………..really too good for this world.) (anyway bea has zero (0) family with which to raise klaus so ramona and olivia offer to help her out. out of the goodness of their hearts and long-standing friendship, not because they have any experience raising a child. they do not. have any experience.)

and lemony raises violet with the help of his sister. kit and dewey get together earlier, and have their daughter earlier (violet’s….five or six when she’s born?), and name her (obvs not beatrice) bernadette (I have Specific Reasons for naming her bernadette, however that is in my giant list of bernadette headcanons, which is a whole other Thing). beatrice is an actress (klaus can’t act for shit, sorry), lemony is a writer (violet doesn’t have a poetic bone in her body, sorry). (but violet can act and klaus is pretty good at putting words together.)

ELEVEN YEARS AGO BY, or, well, eleven and a half, I guess, eleven and a half delightful years filled with the following –

-lemony and beatrice fervently denying they ever married each other and trying to forget the other even exists, what do you mean you have photographic evidence, we were definitely not married

-ramona’s mother briefly going to california to tell three grown women how to change a diaper

-klaus, age one and a half, crawling up the staircase in their house all by himself to get to the library, beatrice promptly dies out of sheer terror

(true event. I did that.)

-violet getting ahold of a wrench at the same age and fixing one of the loose bars in her crib

(not a true event. I did not do that.)

-dewey and jacques, trying to fix the curtains in violet’s room, immediately and silently agreeing to never tell lemony they were The Worst Uncles In Existence for five seconds for accidentally dropping the wrench in violet’s crib

-beatrice training herself not to do a double-take every time she sees klaus with a book because he looks fleetingly like lemony, just for that second

-lemony lulling violet to sleep with a variety of accordion songs, violet’s favorite is his rendition of what he says is ‘a song about spending a day on the beach’ but is actually why I cry by the magnetic fields (particularly danhan’s rendition of it with ben gibbard.)

-hey I never said they were successful at forgetting each other, especially when the kids were kids

-a truly harrowing number of children’s birthday parties

-kit snicket, who firmly kept her maiden name, going through what she called ‘The Chillest Pregnancy In Existence, Look At Me, I’m Completely Fucking Calm’ in the middle of labor

-klaus going through a period where he only read poetry, which caused bea and ramona and olivia to speak in rhyme for a week

-violet insisting she could fix the toaster and promptly not fixing the toaster because nothing was wrong with the toaster (it just wasn’t plugged in.)

-beatrice appearing in a number of plays, klaus being enchanted when she’s in les mis and reading the book but, in fact, only finding the outrageously long sewer chapter interesting

-violet trying to write a poem for lemony for father’s day and rhyming ‘orange’ with ‘mortgage’

that summer, they both wind up sending violet and klaus to the same summer camp excursion, because what sort of comedy would this be without the wildest coincidence ever, honestly

kit drops violet off at the camp a la martin – will lemony get on a plane?? that is a resounding No (also he would have just cried the whole time. the whole time. the. whole. time.)

however lemony is the one who does the ‘fruits, vegetables’ thing, only before violet leaves, and he gives her a million hugs and honestly doesn’t want her to go to camp oh my god, it’s only because violet tells him he’s sort of squishing her that he stops hugging her, lemony is???? like the most concerned parent of all time

kit, meanwhile….

kit: I was going to give you a new dart set but I was informed that they would not let you through customs.

violet: uncle dewey told you, didn’t he.

kit: I married a real killjoy, violet.

I honestly cannot think of a scene for klaus to parallel hallie meeting glasses and tie dye girl while getting her duffel bag. I thought of putting the quagmires in this but I think that’s…...pushing the identical envelope a little here (would’ve been worth it though for the brief note I used to have here that was just isadora shouting ‘HOW DID THEY TAKE SO LONG TO REALIZE THEY WERE RELATED THEY LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE’)

i’m sure they hang out with like-minded people before running into each other, it’s a good camp and they literally never talk to those other characters again anyway, which is, a real shame

we can all at least rest assured that klaus gets to camp in once piece regardless and doesn’t have a conversation about darts and airport customs, anyway beatrice, ramona, and olivia each smuggle a deck of cards into his suitcase as a surprise and he has three card decks and impresses all the other kids in his cabin with a giant architecturally sound house of cards made to resemble thoreau’s cabin at walden pond

hey annie and hallie are both allergic to strawberries and KLAUS AND VIOLET ARE ALLERGIC TO PEPPERMINTS

before they meet there’s probably a moment like with marva sr and the strawberries (I just had a horrifying thought that JEROME is the camp counselor (esme is nowhere in this. olaf is nowhere in this.) and that’s…………..awful, but, as I was writing the following scene, you know who I wrote him more like?????? arthur fucking poe, what did I just fucking do, honestly poe is a WORSE choice but…...well

mr. poe: we have peppermint brownies today!

[I just saw someone on the food network make peppermint cheesecake brownies and I want them so bad]

klaus: oh, i’m allergic

mr. poe: oh, well, please live

mr. poe: I cannot perform cpr

klaus: …………………………………………………………….shouldn’t you maybe –

mr. poe: for your own personal safety and especially my own i’m going to have to ask you to step away from the brownies

[violet shows up on mr poe’s other side]

violet: oh! peppermint, i’m allergic

mr. poe: another – didn’t I just see you? how did your hair get longer that fast? that’s not an allergic reaction, is it?

violet: ……………………………………………………………...i don’t think that’s –

mr. poe: i’m going to eat this entire brownie pan to save lives, but also because I want these brownies

he came out more like show!poe instead of book!poe but, I do not care, no one cares about mr. poe.

SO, violet and klaus eventually do meet and have practically zero immediate animosity, also through fencing!!! lemony and bea are both canonically badass fencers but I stand by what I said in fight me, that lemony is the better fencer, and violet wins. klaus concedes his loss to a talented fencer. they take off their masks and are like WHOA WE LOOK REASONABLY SIMILAR

violet: I don’t know, I think your eyes might be little farther apart than mine.

klaus: oh, don’t worry, i’ll probably grow into them. it can take some time before people really grow into their faces.

however this does get them talking and they find out they have so much in common! they’re like, ‘you like books and only have one super weird parent??? what a coincidence!’

then they find out they both play cards. (this stays, cause poker games are gold and I am reasonably sure watching the parent trap so much as a kid was what instilled this love of ‘hilarious poker games’ in me because I used to jam them into my fanfics all the time.) (also explains why I only know two poker hands….)

they hold an (amicable!) poker game that night with all the campers, and they do like a round robin tournament sort of thing and swap tips all night until it’s just the two of them facing each other, and klaus wins. (lemony is Pretty Good at cards and definitely taught violet BUT you’re damn right bea taught her kid how to count cards. not that klaus wins through cheating, he also has a natural talent and bea’s impeccable poker face. klaus also hangs out with ramona, who has repeatedly kicked lemony’s ass at cards as well.)

since they still have to wind up in the isolation cabin (because how else are they going to secretly plan swapping identities with NO GODDAMN COUNSELOR noticing???), CARMELITA is at camp and busts them for the poker game. she got eliminated pretty early in the game and camped out outside the cabin the rest of the kids were in waiting until someone won and then got mr. poe.

mr poe: gambling is not for children! unless of course you have a verified accountant or, perhaps, an established banker who wanted to embark on a personal journey and decided to run a camp for small children but has always wanted to go back and manage money again because, you know, even after the two scandals, I was good at – but we don’t have time for this, violet, klaus, it’s very irresponsible to try and get adults going on a tangent to avoid your responsibilities.

violet and klaus: but we didn’t –

mr poe: i’m afraid that I have no other choice but to send you to the isolation cabin.

carmelita: cakesniffers in the isolation cabin!!! CAKESNIFFERS IN THE ISOLATION CABIN!!!!

oh……..that was painful.

AT LEAST THE CABIN IS LIKE A NICE GOOD CABIN AND NOT the orphan shack, also like how far into the woods is the isolation cabin???? do the marvas really just leave kids out there?????? come on, marvas…..

and so our heroes get stuck in a windy lil cabin out in the woods.

what do they do when they hang out there, since they have Zero Animosity???? talk about books. read books. klaus does sketches of various local leaves. violet rewires the lamps so they don’t flicker and rigs up the windows so they don’t bang open in the middle of the night. the only thing they argue about is how to make toast, which isn’t even IN the cabin (unless violet makes something into a toaster), whatever

does klaus have a stuffed animal like cuppy???? damn straight he does. because why the hell not. (some boys play with dolls? SOME BOYS HAVE STUFFED ANIMALS)

i’m being really basic here but it’s a teddy bear BUT bea made lil wire glasses for it because klaus got glasses when he was real little so she thought he’d feel better if his favorite stuffed animal also had glasses (bea wears glasses but she HATES wearing them although I think after klaus gets glasses she tries to wear them more because bea is supportive as hell) (she needs new glasses though like they’re still these big thick black frames from her goth phase and she hates them but she hates the idea of an eye doctor appointment more) (bold of me to assume bea has ever honestly stopped having a goth phase, though…)

oh gosh what is the bear’s name

what’s something like super nerdy but cute for a small book-loving child to have named a bear

oh no, he names it kenneth. bea reads baby klaus the wind in the willows and he names his bear kenneth and this is so cute. I can’t fucking handle this, oh my god

honestly I am one of those people who thinks oreos w/ peanut butter would be pretty disgusting. (I mean, without the cream in the middle, sure, that probably tastes good, but like, with the cream and the peanut butter???? no) their snack of choice is………….hey isn’t there a snack in penultimate peril at the picnic it’s mentioned they like

or is just because I have that particular book within three feet of me, i’m gonna check

okay, it does mention that klaus likes custard eclairs, violet makes a smoked fish sandwich and wants to try the chocolate spread. maybe they just like oreos, sans peanut butter. I like oreos. (also, you can’t stash eclairs in a suitcase.

olivia, staring at a series of freshly-baked custard eclairs and a collection of tupperware containers: ….do you think I made too much??

ramona: olivia, he’s – he’s just going to summer camp.)

ANYWAY, how do they realize they’re siblings???? like???? how do

do they have half pictures in this??????? I think that’s honestly going to be the easiest way

like, of course lemony and beatrice would have a wedding picture, and they are both absolutely extra and dramatic enough to have each other’s half

it probably is still a ‘sitting at a table, staring lovingly at each other’ sort of thing, lemony in a white suit and beatrice in a suitably extravagant but actually still somehow very low-key for her wedding dress (there’s a lot of tulle though, like………..layers of tulle………………………..), their color scheme flower-wise was red and white roses because like, what fucking else would they pick at that time (they are only JUST convinced by like, jacques, probably, to do red/white instead of red/black, beatrice personally wanted purple/black)

kit gave violet the picture of beatrice, because while she hasn’t spoken to beatrice since her brother’s divorce, she does think lemony and bea could stand to talk to each other

(although I headcanon kit as the kind of person to firmly forget about past romances and put them behind her THROUGH ANY MEANS NECESSARY this is not strict asoue canon, and she always liked beatrice, anyway. lemony and bea breaking up isn’t like kit and olaf breaking up, which, i’m not even gonna try and touch in this)

klaus found the picture of lemony when he was reading through anna karenina (beatrice forgot she put it in there when she let klaus read it) and figured immediately that it had to be his father, and he kept it (maybe he showed it to ramona, who was like, ‘yep, that was your father. goodness, I forgot how awful his hair looked back then.’)

they’re probably reading some book about geography (klaus is into geography at the time)

klaus: my mother says that for my birthday next year, she’ll take me on a trip to see the famous hinterlands sunset.

violet: my father’s shown me pictures, but he agrees that it’s a lot prettier in person, but he’s also not one for planes.

klaus: well, I don’t believe hinterlands are technically confined to one geographical area, i’m sure there’s more than just in california – here, i’m sure there must be more information in the index.

violet: when’s your birthday, klaus?

klaus: january 8th.

violet: !!!! that’s my birthday!

klaus: !!! that is an extraordinary coincidence.

I never said these kids were smart.

klaus: violet, what’s your father like?

violet: he’s kind of quiet, but he’s very kind. oh, I have a picture of him – well, sort of –

she pulls out from one of her own books a picture of lemony, from behind, sitting at his desk at his typewriter, absolutely no recognizable features present whatsoever

violet: he didn’t know aunt kit was taking the picture, otherwise he would’ve turned around.

violet: actually, even then he probably wouldn’t have? he insists he’s not very photogenic.

violet: what about your father?

klaus: i’ve never met him. he’s – my mother doesn’t talk about him much, but I got the impression that they divorced shortly after I was born.

violet: oh, gosh. i’m sorry, klaus.

violet: ….sometimes I think I get that impression too, about my parents.

klaus: i’m sorry too, violet.

and if this were a snicket novel, insert soft, gentle explanation about divorce and commiseration and finding kindred spirits in your friends and how sometimes love does not work out and the affects we don’t realize it has on the children who watch it happen or see the aftermath and are left with the gnawing wonder of what went wrong and how violet and klaus each wonder, a little, what the cause was, and it can be very lonely, at the end of the day, to know that even if you have one parent who loves you very much, there is someone out there who may not love you at all, and never got the chance to know you to love you, and an even deeper part of you that wonders – no matter how young you were – were you the cause of it?

violet: oh, but I – I have a picture of my mother, my aunt kit gave it to me – I have it in my suitcase

violet: /gets up to get the picture

klaus: I, I have a picture of my father, too, in fact I think it’s stuck in this book somewhere in the back, I didn’t want to forget it

and

as violet goes to sit back down with the picture of her mother, the half-picture of beatrice from her wedding day, klaus pulls out from the index the half-picture of lemony from his wedding day

and they are

STUNNED

to realize

this is, of course, the exact same picture.

there’s a lot of hugging and crying.

so they realize they’re siblings!!! and then decide try to figure out what the hell even happened with their parents, because now that they know they’re fucking related and still somehow wound up meeting each other they realize that there has to be some incredibly detailed story behind the reasoning for their parents splitting up and now they have not just proof but an actual opportunity to find out and maybe, just maybe, get their parents back together in the process!!! it worked once!!! it could work again, why not!!!!!

AND SO THEY DECIDE TO SWAP PLACES. (contrary to hallie having the idea, it occurs to them at the same time.)

meanwhile

for the past, say, YEAR, or so, bea has been seeing bertrand, a friend from her childhood (just narrowly managing to keep it from klaus BECAUSE it will involve A Conversation About Lemony and Commitment and Marriage and Things Not Working Out and Falling In Love With Someone Else and look bea is good at a lot of things but it’s a really heavy subject for her that even after eleven years she hasn’t quite figured out how to parse, so she’s really been putting off trying to explain all of that to klaus, in a case of her vastly underestimating her son [bea you see all the books he reads…….talk to your son]), and things are going well between them and they love each other a lot and!!! they decide to get married.

how do they meet up again??? bertrand winds up going to one of her plays completely on accident. he’s been on the other side of the country for years and years and he happens to go to napa and hears about this play happening and he’s like ‘well that sounds really neat!’ because bertrand had a short-lived theater career in high school and doesn’t act all that much anymore but appreciates a good play! who doesn’t appreciate a good play??

(bertrand played lieutenant frank cioffi in his senior year production of curtains to rave local newspaper reviews. bea, meanwhile, gave a stunning performance as carmen bernstein [esme wanted to be carmen so fucking bad and she’s never forgotten that bea got the role instead, and that would not even factor into this au even if esme WAS in this au] [esme was, instead, jessica cranshaw (if it was a small school she maybe doubled as bambi), ramona was niki harris, olivia played johnny harmon, olaf was…...daryl grady……..which pains me to write cause the guy I had a crush on in high school played daryl, josephine and ike played georgia hendricks and aaron fox, jacquelyn and gustav were head of stage crew, lemony supported them all from the audience – unless lemony was sasha????!!!!!!!! okay lemony was totally sasha.]) (wow I got unnecessarily invested in their high school drama club.) (IS THEODORA THE DRAMA ADVISOR?????? oh my god. oh my god she’d be so bad at it but so good. i’m dying.

theodora: snicket you need to FLOURISH your baton with MUCH MORE GUSTO

lemony: I am going to flourish this baton right up your –

bertrand: HE’S DECIDED AGAINST IT THANK YOU MISS MARKSON)

(hey you ever write a parallel that’s so good you hate it????? olivia is johnny. olaf is daryl.)

(I usually headcanon bertrand as two years older than bea and lemony but for the purposes of this au they’re all the same age – however bertrand joined drama club first, and I picture lemony as more of a band kid than a drama kid, they probably just pull him in for curtains.

was lemony drum major???? I want to say ‘hell no’ but I also want to say ‘most cryptic drum major ever, lead the most bizarre championship performance in the school’s history, somehow still won’) (I wonder what song it was to???? that right there is where my secondhand band knowledge conks out.) (but if I HAD to supply ‘bizarre, cryptic song for championships’ I would probably pick like, david lynch’s dark night of the soul or something, idk.) (but like, listen to it and just imagine it with marching band instruments……….i kind of like it. i’m kind of digging it.)

ANYWAY BERTRAND LOVES SEEING PLAYS and he goes to see it and he has NO IDEA bea is even in it and he’s like SUPER THROWN to see her but also???? really excited! it’s been eleven years!!! he can talk to her!!!! he finds her after the play and bea immediately drops whatever she was holding and is just like???? absolutely breathless to see him again (it’s been ELEVEN YEARS, cats. oh god no it’s been more like FIFTEEN YEARS since bertrand has seen bea cause they haven’t spoken since high school oh no that hurts even MORE). a giantass hug is involved. bea spins bertrand around. they make plans to see each other later. then they start hanging out, and they like, reconcile from their weird high school fallout and have a really neat relationship)

(so

the high school fallout

lemony and bea and bertrand were all delightful friends since they were kids (well, lemony and bea were, bertrand moved to town and joined their class when they were freshman in high school). they all had stupid crushes on each other, uggg. there was. an incident. at the end of their school escapades that resulted in a falling out with bertrand (maybe they had an idea of how they all felt and just couldn’t or weren’t ready to figure it out and it sort of. drove a wedge between them. not on purpose, it was just the way it happened to work out, with teenage emotions and refusing to talk about things and uncertainty. lemony+bea and bertrand went their separate ways after graduation, lemony and bea married right out of college, bertrand does his own thing, life goes on.) (maybe there was like some prom drama about who was gonna take who and who asked who first or something (at my junior prom, I was ready to kill the guy I asked who turned me down for that very reason). I mean that’s legit???? prom drama is incredibly legit. why is there so much drama at prom??????)

(honestly after going back and writing the production of curtains and remembering the (specifically romance-related) drama I witnessed happening among the drama club at my high school (I wasn’t in drama but I had a startling number of friends who were) i’m surprised they had the drama at prom and not in the middle of drama club, but i’m still going to stand by ‘prom drama.’)

(and I feel like it was prom drama of the type that’s like, low-key there and A Thing people think about but no one talks about or addresses so the whole night is real awkward and you worry something is gonna break out at any second but nothing does but you’re still obsessively on your toes about it. like, that simultaneously high-strung just-there high school romance drama angst that’s just this ever-present layer coloring everything that people say and do, hyped up specifically because it’s PROM. they probably all danced with each other and the dances were all cut short because of Feelings and Awkwardness and no one knew what to do, the whole damn night.)

and like, bertrand, going off to college and a little heartbroken but unwilling to try and do anything about it, is upset, but bertrand is also bertrand ‘sweetest man alive’ baudelaire, and honestly he wants them to be happy (bertrand is……..very non-confrontational……….and it is honestly his downfall, he likes to have fun and be nice and kind, and to acknowledge scary things is to actually deal with them and that scares bertrand so much, he buries a lot of things – so do bea and lemony, and in fact all of vfd, but in very different ways. bertrand has achieved a sort of Chill™ that bea and lemony just do not have) so he just goes on with his life, he does date other people but nothing ends in marriage, he becomes a librarian in maine and is actually only in california originally for a few months to help manage some of the collections at local libraries. then he runs into bea and he doesn’t like INTEND for a romance to happen (and neither does bea, which I also firmly stand behind for their canon romance too), he still planned to leave at the end of the few months, but it happens and bertrand feels a lot more secure in himself and his feelings about people than he did in high school and they really do love each other, a lot

oh he went to college for library science!!!! obviously lemony majored in lit and bea majored in theater and music)

(OH NO WAS BERTRAND AT THE WEDDING?????? oh no bertrand was not at the wedding. I mean he’s certainly invited but bertrand ‘sweetest man alive’ baudelaire is also bertrand ‘vaguely heartbroken, does not want to interfere, can actually honestly only take so much’ baudelaire and he says that he’ll be unable to make it. sigh. I want to say he sends a sweet wedding gift or even just flowers but man that makes me so sad to think about lemony and bea getting that on/around their wedding day and THEM being sad and i’m too sad now, bertrand does not send a gift. (he’s torn up about not sending a gift for some time. years later, walking through an antique shop, he is struck with the ‘Years Later But Still Feels Like It Just Happened And Oh Shit Why Did I Do That’ brand of Lingering Awful Anxiety™ about all that.)

HE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT THE DIVORCE until he meets up with bea and she tells him.

bertrand: so how’s lemony????

beatrice: ahahhahahhahahhahhahahhahhahhahhahhahahaaaa!!!!!!

beatrice: ahahaha

beatrice: ahaha.

beatrice: …….oh you genuinely do not know oh shit i’m sorry

(I wanted so badly to put in my ‘bertrand and olivia were good cute friends and actually are penpals and like lemony and ramona’s ongoing card game they have an ongoing checkers game’ headcanon but it just. won’t. fit. in. here. cause why wouldn’t olivia have told him about the divorce???? I mean it’s bea’s thing to tell, NOT olivia’s, but to occasionally write to bertrand for YEARS and never mention she and ramona live with bea?????? I think that’s a little much.)

(does bertrand ever try and convince bea to reconcile with lemony???? I feel like at this point in his life he WOULD but bea would have very early on and very firmly vetoed that. and bertrand wouldn’t necessarily be happy about it but respects her wishes. not because he wants bea all to himself. but because bertrand is also quite frankly still. a little nervous re: navigating relationships. like he’s for sure A LOT BETTER at it now but like!!!! especially with lemony like bertrand is TERRIFIED of seeing lemony again. he really is. I think he thinks lemony blames him for stuff even though lemony does not. and I don’t want it to seem like bertrand’s……….just sort of swooping in and taking bea and not letting her talk to lemony????? cause it’s not that, it’s not that at all

they do really love each other

and just because bertrand’s grown as a person doesn’t mean he’s PERFECT

and bea certainly Does Not want to talk to lemony

it’s just, nick never mentions to meredith that hallie’s a twin and meredith HATES hallie and annie anyway, but bertrand does not hate kids and I just wonder, has bea told him about violet???????? like why wouldn’t she????????

so I mean yeah they probably have talked about it, and probably still came to the same conclusion, bea Does Not want to talk to lemony either, just, not right now, and yeah bertrand isn’t delighted about it but he’s like ‘alright, okay.’ because he still understands her reasoning and for all his talk he really doesn’t want to talk to lemony either

but it’s, I think it’s a thing, in the back of their minds, a worry that hits them sometimes, have they done something wrong, trying to forget)

(and this is why planning takes so much time because I always have so many stupid questions about characters)

(when bea and lemony were young and in college and extraordinarily drunk they would come up with new titles for bertrand, because they forgot they were trying not to talk about him

beatrice: bertrand ‘best hair this side of the mississippi’ baudelaire

lemony: bertrand ‘smooth hands’ baudelaire

beatrice: bertrand –

beatrice: wait do you mean like, his legit hands or like what he DOES with his hands

lemony, trying very hard not to think about Doing Things with Hands: ……..both

lemony: I definitely mean both

beatrice: good, I agree

beatrice: bertrand ‘i WILL dance the charleston and no one will stop me and I do not care’ baudelaire

lemony: bertrand ‘softest reading voice’ baudelaire

lemony: no no, wait, bertrand ‘BEST reading voice’ baudelaire, remember when he read ee cummings

beatrice: bertrand ‘i read lord of the flies and cried at the end’ baudelaire

lemony: oh bea are you complimenting him or being mean

beatrice: lemony I read lord of the flies and threw it out the fucking window when that kid killed piggy

beatrice: that was a compliment)

(ee cummings is because I have a scene in another fic where bertrand reads ‘maggie and milly and molly and may’ to beatrice and lemony and gosh…..i hope I get to use it at some point, it was a beautiful scene)

(they probably stop talking about bertrand like, sophomore year of college, idk, it just gets too hard and they become really miserable drunk nineteen-year-olds about it, and that’s not cool) (AT LEAST THEY HAVE THE WHEREWITHAL TO DO THAT)

ANYWAY, back to violet and klaus, who are still at camp and have decided to switch places!

ultimately, violet (like hallie) is supposed to find out how bea and lemony got together, and klaus (like annie) is supposed to find out why they broke up

violet cuts her hair (she’s a little bummed because she likes her hair but at least it won’t get in her way when inventing) and pierces klaus’s ears (klaus is so UP FOR THIS he’s very excited, also he keeps himself calm during it by telling violet the history of ear piercing) (these kids are either canonically very good at rationalizing or it’s just me radically projecting again…..or both), klaus practices wandering around without glasses (he bumps into EVERYTHING), violet practices how to fucking wear glasses and not die (she falls over EVERYTHING), of course violet already has an appreciation for books but she has to get the definition thing down (and growing up with lemony ‘a phrase which here means’ snicket left her with a pretty unorthodox idea of word meanings sometimes

klaus: so an optimist is someone who sees a positive side in any situation, like –

violet: say, if their arm was bit off by an alligator, a pessimist would say, “ahh! my arm!” and an optimist would say, “well, this isn’t too bad, no one will wonder if i’m right or left handed now.”

klaus: ……….what sort of person is our father

violet: he’s very specific about words.)

klaus has to figure out?????? how to invent on the fly????? (he’s seen beatrice macgyver a million things together but he’s still not sure how she does it) and the two of them teach each other about their lives, beatrice and lemony, ramona and olivia and kit and dewey and bernadette

violet: bernadette is really delightful, but you need to watch out for her

klaus: well, she is six years old –

violet: no, I mean, she can appear at a moment’s notice, and I don’t know who taught her how to pick locks, because I certainly didn’t and father can’t pick locks, but she can do it in under seven seconds.

(jacques taught her how to pick locks (he also taught violet). I don’t know where vfd fits into all this or if it even does in this fanfic but like, just try and tell me these guys don’t still act like absurd spies in any universe anyway.) (also I think lockpicking is, in general, a handy life skill, even if you aren’t living the absurd spy life.)

klaus: mother is, um

klaus: a little embarrassing

violet: how so?

klaus: she once scaled a ten foot wall because I forgot my lunch.

(ramona: hey so why did becoming a parent rob you of your top-notch secrecy skills?

[not necessarily, though, I mean, she does a great job scaling the ten-foot wall in complete secrecy. bea just, has a lot of love for her son, and is VERY OBVIOUS ABOUT IT, is the thing]

beatrice: ramona have you SEEN my son

beatrice: I will take a BULLET for him

beatrice: preferably in a non-critical area so we can hang out afterwards.

beatrice: but if I have to embarrass the shit out of him to make sure he eats, I WILL)

violet: father is the same way, a little. he keeps crying on the first day of school and I don’t have the heart to break it to him that I might be too old for that.

klaus: mother calls encouraging phrases from the car, which I think she does to prevent me from walking into school too fast.

violet: you know, they really sound like they were made for each other.

(lemony and bea, like, separately, are such legit disaster parents and I love them, they love their kids so damn much.)

the last day of camp comes, and it is time for them to officially swap places – violet goes to beatrice, klaus goes to lemony!

klaus recites book themes to himself the whole plane ride to england to keep himself calm because he’s trying not to think about how worried and excited he is!!! he’s going to meet his father for the first time!! truth be told, he knows pretty much nothing about lemony, even after talking to violet!!! IT’S A LOT FOR ANY KID TO TAKE IN, to suddenly think ‘yeah this was a good plan – oh fuck’

anyway, he meets kit at the airport, because kit is there to pick up violet. (kit and violet do not have a secret handshake. they have, of course, dart-throwing contests. of course that doesn’t make sense in an airport, but whatever. that’s their thing.)

why does kit pick klaus up at the airport instead of lemony??? I mean kit is in martin’s role but she’s NOT martin, you know, she’s lemony’s sister and definitely does not wait on him, but she does drop violet off at camp anyway, although in the movie that’s to prevent elizabeth (and nick) from showing up until the kids switch for Maximum Emotional Impact, but like lemony is obviously not THAT fucking busy he can’t pick up his own daughter

I had the thought that like kit is maybe his manager (on the side, otherwise she has….god some other job)??? does that work for a writer???? i’m a writer and I don’t even know. whatever. and kit maybe scheduled a reading that day by accident months in advance and couldn’t change it, or it runs long, so she has to get violet (klaus) from the airport

(moxie is still his editor, only she lives way out of town and they send angry emails to each other all the time about his work)

also ties in with hallie’s scene where she looks at elizabeth’s vanity and says she’s super cool about the wedding dresses cause I love that scene a LOT and I want klaus to think his stupid dad’s cool!!!

kit: violet, I am all for the beginning of your teenage rebellion with this new hairstyle but I should inform you that your father may just die.

klaus: you think he won’t like it??

[read: YOU THINK HE WON’T LIKE ME]

kit: he’ll probably come around to it. he’s still at his reading, do you want to surprise him?

klaus: !!!!!!

klaus: yes!

the reading is huge. I have no damn idea what lemony writes in this au, definitely not danhan’s stuff cause it’s not his vibe, but he still writes the picture books (although there are YEARS between them irl he wrote the composer is dead and the dark for bernadette before she became, in her words, Too Old For That Sort of Thing although she still secretly really likes them and reads the dark every night before she goes to bed. bernadette, in contrast to babybea, is fucking terrified of the dark but tries to like rationalize it out by thinking through the science of light or something, and then by just rereading the dark), oh he probably like, okay so he can’t just write asoue but he probably writes some other great children’s book series with the same sort of writing style and moral discussion, and the picture books

and violet told klaus he wrote stuff and bea like…..knows he does and refuses to talk about it but reads ramona’s copies in the middle of the night (and then has to stop doing that cause it bums her out too much), but klaus has no idea about it or how good it is and he’s so impressed, sitting at the back of this giant giant theater, and klaus loves books, he loves them with all his heart, and to sit there and see his father, for the first time in his whole life, doing something that klaus thinks is so incredibly cool

klaus: wow.

okay, so, the damn relief and happiness on lemony’s face when he sees kit and klaus

has he been imagining terrible airplane accidents for the past week? weeks? MONTHS??? yes he has.

he sees them once he gets offstage and immediately runs at this child (or, at least, definitely fastwalks.) and sweeps klaus up into this giant giant hug

klaus is!!! overwhelmed by the amount of sheer unadulterated love in this hug oh no i’m crying

putting aside that he’s pretending to be violet, this is the first time he gets a hug from his father and even if lemony thinks he’s violet klaus is still the one getting the hug and it’s just, a lot, man, it’s a lot, that scene in the movie where elizabeth hugs hallie is exactly the vibe right here god it’s so fucking sweet

lemony: oh, goodness – what happened to your hair?

klaus: I – I cut it. do you –

lemony is in the process of remembering that scissors and haircuts exist, he’s a little blindsided here

lemony: no, no – haircuts are things that happen, at one time or another, to all of us.

lemony: i’m just so happy that you’re back.

he just. hugs klaus again. god I can’t handle how much lemony loves his kids. klaus is really emotional and I’M really emotional I have to move on

on the ride home (kit is still driving)

lemony: so how was it at camp?

klaus: /frantically thinking of how he’s going to pull off something violet would say now that he’s HERE and has to act like her and decides to just be honest and hope it comes out okay

klaus: I had a lot of fun; the outdoors are incredibly pulchritudinous.

lemony: /thoroughly convinced that the outdoors has finally instilled violet with a greater poetic sense

I NEVER SAID THEIR PARENTS WERE SMART EITHER

do you know how wild the plot of this movie really is, when you get down to it, parents not recognizing their kids wtf have I done

violet can act pretty passably as klaus, but klaus, even employing beatrice’s acting techniques, just can’t act. but the one who finds him out is bernadette, like half an hour after he gets home.

[you can tell what scenes originally started this outline because they’re actually written like scenes, this was one of them]

[bernadette stares at klaus with wide, curious eyes over the top of her book. “you’re not violet,” she says.

the bottom of klaus’s stomach drops clear out. “what?”

“violet doesn’t squint when she’s confused,” bernadette says. “she frowns and puts her hair up. and it’s something she’s used to doing, so even if her hair was cut, she’d still reach for a ribbon, out of habit. you’re klaus. shouldn’t you have glasses? mother says aunt beatrice wore glasses.”

“how – how did you know about me?”

bernadette rolls her eyes. “i know everything,” she says loftily, for a six year old. “i can read, after all.”]

bernadette is the best kid. so I love babybea so much but babybea in canon is like…..still very on point but very quiet about it, because she’s grown up with really so little interaction with people????? she’s like a really subdued kid because she’s had to be so independent and do so many things herself. and she’s got her firm, almost unshakable optimism. so bernadette is still very quick and clever but a LOT more precocious about it and pretty boisterous for six years old and just. even more like kit than babybea is. her optimism is a little more…..sharp in this. I don’t think she understands embarrassment, as a thing that people experience, because she sure doesn’t. she’s just like, ‘well why don’t you just try again??????’ and it’s so great to see that inherent commitment to existence in a six year old

(an important sidenote from my bernadette headcanon list, though, is that she really does just read everything. she reads cereal boxes and magazines and reports and all the papers on lemony’s desk and really just absolutely anything she can get her hands on, and she’s easily bored so she goes looking for stuff sometimes and she’s good at putting things together, so that’s how she knows about klaus.)

[“i’m not gonna tell anybody,” she says. “i wanna see what happens. uncle lemony’s kind of lonely, you know? and aunt beatrice – when they talk about her – always sounded really nice.”]

bernadette makes it her MISSION to help klaus act more like violet and cover for him as much as she can

bernadette: you need to walk different

bernadette: and hold yourself a little taller

bernadette: here, keep this wrench in your pocket, violet likes wrenches

bernadette: and this ribbon!!! she didn’t give you any????

bernadette: oh, make sure you stare off into the distance while eating and think about machines or something

klaus: how do you notice all these things???

bernadette: ?????? doesn’t everybody?????? she’s your sister, you two didn’t follow each other around to try and pin down how you act????

klaus: …..do you do that, bernadette

bernadette: regularly. I can impersonate anyone’s footsteps. except my mother’s, because I think she keeps wearing different shoes on purpose. i’ll show you sometime.

so, armed with This Random Wrench and a lot of acting details that he can’t process very well, klaus HANGS OUT WITH LEMONY

so klaus spends a lot of time in the library in lemony’s house (which also doubles as lemony’s office, it’s big enough that he and violet can take separate corners and know each other’s there but not run into each other if they don’t want to (especially good for klaus pretending to be violet because no one has to see him TOTALLY FAIL AT INVENTING)), and it has so many books and klaus is so thrilled

klaus has to try and bring up bea and find out how they met, only, DISCREETLY

[gosh this one is a lot harder without “so doesn’t designing all those wedding dresses make you think about getting married again?”, especially because the truly spectacular “f word” line doesn’t make sense with lemony but what can you do]

he probably goes up to lemony while lemony’s at his desk because klaus figures, the easiest way could be to relate to something on the desk

AS purposeful narrative coincidence LUCK WOULD HAVE IT lemony is looking for something in his desk and you know lemony keeps the most inconsequential things and has accidentally dug out his plaque for ‘one semester of cheerleader participation’

klaus, immediately thrown by this news: you were a cheerleader?

lemony: mm? oh, my, I forgot about that.

he smiles at the plaque and dusts it off and my heart is m e l t i n g

lemony: yes, in high school. I wasn’t the only boy on the team, as a matter of fact. a – a friend of mine did it with me.

klaus: why were you on the cheerleading squad?

lemony, trapped in this conversation now: well – your mother was on the soccer team. I was not what you would call athletically inclined at the time, so I joined to support her.

klaus: !!!!!!!

klaus: my – my mother?

this was a fact he did not know about beatrice, as a matter of fact

lemony, realizing that children are going to be curious about their parents and, well, okay, it’s been eleven years, I probably won’t see beatrice again (ahahahahaha.), and my child deserves to know: yes. she was very good at soccer, among other talents, although she didn’t last very long in her soccer career.

klaus: why not?

[if this man was PAYING ATTENTION he would have noticed for sure that klaus is much more straightforward than violet.]

lemony, remembering that time beatrice launched herself across the soccer field and accidentally tackled the assistant coach and dragged him through the mud: she and the coach disagreed on some of the physical aspects of the game.

klaus, dying to hear what lemony’s going to say: what was she like?

lemony, immediately remembering the details of their divorce but also a series of Shenanigans from their school days that he should never repeat to anyone, then resolving to be kind about it: very charming and resourceful.

lemony: she had a great deal of verve.

lemony: I see a lot of it in you.

klaus is touched, I’M touched, god fucking dammit

klaus resolves to leave it there and decides to dig around lemony’s desk later for other things about bea and lemony when lemony isn’t looking

which he promptly does, that night.

klaus sees his typewriter and pictures of kit and jacques and there’s probably one of ramona (in a drawer) (sorry, ramona.) and in a secret compartment in the desk is a pic of bea (maybe one of bertrand too?) (definitely one of bertrand too) and some letters from bea (klaus recognizes her handwriting)

(watch it be something like, some stupid candygram she sent him for valentine’s day that says dear lemony, [the content of this candygram has been censored by the school administration] love bea!!!!!) (bea gets detention for a week for the content of the candygram.) (the second candygram gets through but it’s only because bea writes it so thoroughly in code that the school administration, at a passing glance, cannot see how raunchy it is. but also very heartfelt. it is genuinely heartfelt.) (so of course he has some from bertrand too. because bertrand sent everyone a candygram. they’re all so friendly but so sweet and so cute and bertrand’s just breaking my heart in this whole fic I love him so much) (they’re stuff like, i’m so happy we’re friends! happy valentine’s day! i made sure this candygram doesn’t have anything that will conflict with your peanut allergy! like some fucking NERD and i’m SOBBING) (because you know bertrand was on student council and helped with the candygrams, bea and lemony were definitely not on student council)

(bea: what gets me is that they still sent it!! they censored my loving sonnet about your ass but they still sent it!!!!!!

bertrand: I guess nothing stops true love?

lemony: or, nothing stops beatrice mariner. [you’d have to kill me before I conceded to ‘beatrice kornbluth.’ anyway one of kornbluth’s pen names was mariner so that’s my compromise.])

klaus thinks the candygrams are so fucking embarrassing and also had no idea his mother was capable of such language but then again, no, she is, but he also thinks they’re charming and evidence that lemony still has feelings for beatrice, if he kept them!!

he’s, intrigued, a little concerned, but not very worried about this mysterious picture of a strange man and his own candygrams, although klaus concedes they too are very sweet.

MEANWHILE, back in california

bea is so so so so so excited to pick up klaus (not knowing it’s violet) from the airport, like she manages to sit still for most of the wait but in the last half hour she just sort of bounces around the airport and buys a series of irritating, tasteless teas (“fuck this tea is so bland yes i’m ordering another one, ramona, don’t judge me”) and reads the same newspaper over and over again and when the flight comes in she’s ECSTATIC, MY GIRL IS BOUNCING ALL OVER THE PLACE

she’s the kind of like……...vaguely silly but a little (a lot) overprotective (?) parent

like beatrice is the one SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS WHEN SHE SEES HER KID CAUSE SHE’S SO THRILLED, she’s just very vocal about how much she loves….

[I actually rewrote some of bea in this (or, changed the amount of capitals I had her using) because, like, bea is delightful and charming and very smooth but she’s also got such passion for life, she loves to be delighted and she loves to laugh, and she’s so smooth and sarcastic but like!!!! I love beatrice when she’s having a good time, but I got worried that she was leaning too silly in this which. irritated me.

like, in canon I feel like she is incredibly mischievous but once she gets married and has kids, she’s still very on point and loves her kids very openly but she becomes a lot more straight-laced because she’s so intent to protect them, so much so that I think she loses a little of that mischievousness. but considering the fluctuating capacity of vfd vibes in this au, I think she is a little more…….loose in this. the other thing about bea is that her veneer of perfection is her best acting job of all time, and divorcing lemony and being a single mother and raising klaus puts a big dent in that and makes her even more determined to try and wring as much joy out of life as she can without letting people know how much she has to deal with]

violet, upon getting off the plane and seeing beatrice: oh.

beatrice: look at youuuuuuuuuu LOOK AT YOU!!! you’ve got everything??? all your limbs???? nothing broken????

she says all this while like running straight at violet and patting her down and then giving her the biggest hug of all time. violet is engulfed in this hug and!!! she thought her father gave tight hugs but this is something else

I think lemony puts a lot of warmth in his hugs but beatrice puts this endless amount of joy, along with love, into her hugs, and violet’s life up until this point has been very low-key and surrounded by adults who excel at deadpanning their dialogue so this is!!! very strange but very exciting!!! because violet herself also has this very bright enthusiasm that other people in her family don’t have the same way she does so as much as it’s so different to meet beatrice it’s really cool!!!!!

[for the record, bertrand’s hugs exude safety]

re: pierced ears

beatrice: oh, ramona and olivia are gonna be real upset.

beatrice: they definitely wanted to be involved in your first rebellious teenager act.

beatrice: then again, so did I??

violet: doesn’t that defeat the purpose of a rebellious act?

beatrice, going in for a side-hug: …...i missed that snark so much

does beatrice have a dog???? she’s really not a dog person. neither are ramona and olivia (dogs scare olivia. in fact, most things scare olivia. the toaster scares olivia. she’s so nervous and I love her.) (it’s less of a josephine fear and more of a ‘please leave me alone!!!’ sort of startled fear, is how I see it)

if there is a pet, ramona and olivia have a cat that olivia named annabelle, and she’s a sweet, all-white cat who loves cuddles. she does not even care that violet isn’t klaus. she’s just like, ‘this person has arms!! this person can cuddle.’ annabelle is the best, most chill cat. (although I headcanon that bea is allergic to cats – but that was just cause I was allergic to cats, and now that i’m not allergic to cats????? GUESS IT’S FREE REIN NOW) (anyway the cat is still ramona and olivia’s.)

so bea has to introduce klaus (violet!) to bertrand, and, oh, bea

she really has been putting this conversation off for quite some time, and she decides to just, go for it, as she’s driving violet home

beatrice: klaus, there’s, there’s someone i’d like you to meet

violet: who?

beatrice: an old friend of mine. we’ve been talking recently, and he means a great deal to me, and if you don’t like him, then that’ll be it, but – I really want him to be a part of our lives, klaus. I know it’s a big change, but I’d like you to give him a chance.

violet is REALLY, REALLY THROWN HERE because she and klaus are supposed to get their parents back together!!! this isn’t supposed to happen!!! this is supposed to be a happy ending without this NEW CHALLENGER (UNACCEPTED!!!!), how is she supposed to ask about lemony now???????

violet: oh, um

violet: well, I would like to meet him

she resolves to be HARD AND UNCOMPROMISING when she meets bertrand, but, well, then she meets bertrand fucking baudelaire. bertrand ‘sweetest man alive’ baudelaire. bertrand ‘just desperately wants to make a good impression on his fiance’s son’ baudelaire. god I love him. what a guy.

especially because bertrand really does just want to make a good impression, and he knows klaus is into geography right now so he brings this absolutely impressive atlas as a gift

not as an attempt to bribe klaus into liking him, but to show that he’s supportive of his interests!!!!

bertrand, sweetest man alive, shaking violet’s hand: i’m so excited to finally meet you!!

violet, blindsided by the sweetest man alive: oh, thank – thank you. it’s very nice to meet you too.

bertrand: I heard you were into geography, so I brought this atlas for you! I hope it’s alright.

violet, holding the biggest, heaviest atlas she’s ever seen in her life: oh. that’s very kind of you.

they spend some time looking through it because it has so many cool details

he stays for a while and then bows out gracefully because he cares so much, hello i’m dying, and then beatrice asks violet what she thought

violet: I –

violet: I liked him a lot.

beatrice: are you sure? because I swear, it’s fine, klaus, if you’re uncomfortable, it’s absolutely okay, it’s –

violet: no no! it’s fine!

[read: IT’S NOT FINE]

violet: I have this….atlas, now.

beatrice: you could kill a man with that.

violet: probably! I probably could.

beatrice: ….so it’s okay?

violet: ….it’s okay, mother.

[read: IT’S NOT OKAY BUT WHAT ELSE CAN SHE SAY HERE] [hey you know when you take out how much of an awful person meredith is you are left with a lot less humor in this situation.]

beatrice: I don’t know what I did to deserve a child like you, klaus.

cue good, squishy hug.

[personally I cannot fathom marrying someone else and having twins and raising one of them and not trying to have a relationship with your other child because you didn’t want to work things out with first spouse, but I never said I myself was smart either, in what I chose to write (I NEVER SAID I TOOK THE EASY WAY OUT)

anyway, I do think when bea says that, she thinks about it for a second

that (as far as she knows) this is klaus, she’s known him his whole life, and she had so little time with violet and maybe she would be sweet and clever too and she doesn’t know

she doesn’t know!!!!!!!

and it tears her apart for a split second that she doesn’t have everything and before she can let it eat her alive she shoves it down and forgets about it like she does with everything else and just, moves on] [time is a scary thing – if this much time has passed, what can you do? do they care? is it easier to do nothing or does that hurt more? does it even matter when both parents know their kids don’t know about their sibling or their other parent (or as far as they know at this moment)??? does that possibly make it even a little easier????] [anyway.]

because of bertrand – or, not necessarily bertrand, but more, ‘wedding shenanigans,’ but also, yeah, bertrand – violet also spends comparatively little time with beatrice

she wants to dislike him on principle, but can’t because he’s just???? so nice!!!! he talks seriously to her about her parents and about her (well, klaus) and really wants to get to know her (well, klaus) violet is begrudgingly impressed. violet thinks klaus would be really impressed too. but she’s real worried about what means for lemony and beatrice

especially since they did this not only to get their parents back together but to spend time with the opposite parent, like!!! violet has spent practically zero (0) time with bea to get to know her!!!!

so she holds off for a little bit and just genuinely hopes bertrand will somehow be less nice

this is hard, when bertrand helps bea make dinner ever night (klaus was VERY EXPLICIT that beatrice allows NO ONE in the kitchen when she’s cooking so there’s that) and he talks so damn OPENLY to violet about being a presence in her life

bertrand: klaus, I hope you don’t think i’m intruding in your life.

violet: I understand where you’re coming from when you say that but remarriage is in fact a part of life that occurs with some frequency.

[not only death and taxes, but haircuts and remarriage….]

violet: mother said you were an old friend, though?

bertrand: yes, we went to school together.

violet: if you don’t think it’s too rude of a question

violet: you strike me as the type of person who would have had a high school sweetheart and I am perhaps a little concerned that you didn’t marry my mother earlier.

inside, violet is cringing but it’s a very klaus line.

bertrand: !

bertrand: oh, well, we didn’t date each other in high school.

violet: ! you didn’t?

bertrand: no, there was –

bertrand has been. avoiding these feelings for some time. but he’s so struck by them that he has NO poker face in this situation

bertrand: – it just didn’t work out at the time, that’s all.

but fuck violet is absolutely stunned by that look on his face

she’s never seen someone look so heartbroken before and she is, concerned, but that’s mostly ignored in favor of the sheer stress of the situation

and violet does actually get kind of angry!! about bertrand being such a good person!! she starts to get really frustrated!!! like I picture this happening over, maybe a week

she hates that she can’t tie her hair back and her thoughts are all jumbled and that she has to wear glasses and she misses her dad and she loves beatrice a lot but NOTHING IS WORKING OUT LIKE SHE WANTED IT TO

and she has to wear klaus’s glasses and keeps taking them off when she’s sure no one’s looking to rub her eyes man I want to give this kid a hug

but she also wants to make her mom happy!!! fuck this is a mess

violet: he’s been – a lot kinder than I thought he would be.

beatrice: yeah, he has that effect on people.

beatrice: when we were in high school, we called him “bertrand ‘sweetest man alive’ baudelaire.”

beatrice is viscerally reminded of Being Drunk In College and tries to shrug it off

however, violet, growing up with two detail-oriented snickets, does not miss a single thing

violet: we?

beatrice: oh, you know – nicknames, nicknames stick, klaus, everybody calls everybody things!!

violet: it just sounded as if you were….

violet: /casts around for the correct grammatical term, she’s committed, but comes up with nothing because hell even I don’t know, apologies to my grammar professor from college

violet: ….using ‘we’ to mean just you and someone else and not necessarily lots of people.

beatrice is actually vaguely suspicious to hear Less Technical Grammar but chalks it up to the situation

beatrice: well, I mean, we had friends, of course – ramona and olivia!! that’s!! that’s who i’m talking about!! that’s all!!

violet remembers that ramona gave klaus his half of the wedding picture, and klaus told her what ramona said, that ramona didn’t like lemony’s hair at the time, and violet’s done the math, she knows how old lemony and bea are and that she and klaus were born not long after they left college, and with this sudden but persistent reluctance to talk about An Additional Person from high school from both bea and bertrand, violet is terribly suspicious that there could, in fact, be much more to this than she initially thought

beatrice: don’t forget, we start looking at hotels for wedding reception venues this week, okay?

violet: okay.

so, that night, violet, now alerted to the possibility that there could be a connection between bertrand and her father, and also DESPERATELY HOPING THERE IS ANYWAY BECAUSE THAT WOULD CAUSE HER SO MUCH LESS STRESS, goes digging

she grew up with bernadette for the past six years (and has also seen lemony create giant information webs to map out books), VIOLET KNOWS HOW TO GET INFORMATION AND PUT IT TOGETHER

she starts looking for yearbooks – they all went to the same school, for years, they have to be somewhere, but violet can’t find anything in the library, or ramona’s studio, or olivia’s office, or beatrice’s hiding place (the kitchen), and then looks through their desks for papers or plaques or photographs or anything that could give her a hint (nope)

if there is one thing she’s learned from bernadette, but also her father, it’s that the best place to hide something is usually in plain sight, which leads violet back to the library, pulling out boring-looking books to see if anything is stored behind them or in them (still nope)

this leads to violet CLIMBING THE BOOKCASES to reach the top shelf because adults are taller than her and put things on high shelves

and lo and behold, there it is, the senior year yearbook.

violet has a HEART-STOPPING MOMENT in the downward climb (which she’s doing one-handed anyway) where she almost steps on annabelle who she hadn’t realized was sleeping on a shelf and violet is TERRIFIED but annabelle, chillest cat in the world™, just yawns at her and picks a different shelf

annabelle is no sammy.

so, curled up in a library chair, violet finds not only pictures of beatrice and bertrand and lemony in the yearbook, but also a giant section of papers that fold out from the back cover where apparently lemony had more than the average length of a yearbook comment to say to her

violet, vaguely skimming this hardcore romantic comment, incredibly used to her father’s verbosity: yes that sounds about right.

and she finds a (significantly smaller but still lengthy and painfully heartfelt) signature from bertrand nearby, that definitely reads as a guy in love

but she’s still not sure how they feel about each other now, like a few yearbook signatures are no indication of how a person feels over eleven years later, so she’s still nervous about this and decides to sleep on it

this takes the whole night, violet is exhausted in the morning

now re: chessy unpacking hallie’s (annie’s) suitcase in the movie, it’s not that ramona did the same, but when doing the laundry earlier she did notice this weird amount of ribbons stuck in the lint filter/in pockets/pant legs/sleeves

and she barely even thinks anything of it at first and asks olivia and olivia has no clue and she’s not asking beatrice because beatrice has so much on her mind and ramona’s like ‘….hmmm,’ and goes to talk to klaus (violet)

ramona: hey klaus, I keep finding ribbons everywhere and I just wondered –

violet, in the process of running her hand through her hair cause she’s tired and processing a lot and misses being able to tie it: /JUMPS

violet: oh

violet: bookmarks, i’ve been using them as bookmarks

[actually violet has a million ribbons because lemony never wanted her to be without one, and it was so natural for violet to bring them with her she just legit forgot she wasn’t supposed to have them, like hallie with cuppy]

ramona, vaguely concerned: ….yeah, your mother used to do that

ramona: anything wrong with your hair?

violet: oh, no, not at all!

ramona: everything….going okay?

violet: yes, absolutely!

[the thing about violet acting as klaus though is that she can get like his speech patterns down but her own natural cheeriness still shows through in the places where klaus is in general quieter]

this is gonna get discussed right after this but ramona knows violet ties her hair up to focus because lemony told her in a letter, years ago

so ramona frowns and walks over to her and ties her bangs back with one of the ribbons, and violet just so visibly relaxes

ramona, incredibly emotional: oh

ramona: violet?

violet: ….yes.

ramona: so I can’t necessarily abide by breaking up a marriage but HECK YEAH i’m down for helping you reunite them. beatrice got me in the divorce and it’s very irritating just writing to lemony, which he actually hasn’t done for a while, now that I think about it.

violet: why don’t you just visit him? i’m sure he’d love to see you.

ramona: he makes me send the letters to a post office box. I do not know that man’s address.

violet: ……...that sounds about right.

(bea still does not find out until the hotel shenanigans, though.)

(I love ‘beatrice got me in the divorce’ like that’s fucking hilarious, cause I picture ramona as lemony and bea’s best friend so when they aren’t together it’s like…...well, what happens to ramona???? WHO DOES RAMONA HANG OUT WITH?? WHO GETS CUSTODY OF RAMONA)

(but also like, wtf lemony and ramona write to each other and bea never finds out???? I mean ramona was their best friend so like yes I think they do keep in contact but then does ramona never tell lemony about klaus????? and for them to write to each other and ramona to get these letters and BEA IS IN THE SAME HOUSE??????? I can’t tell if this is just angsty or poor thinking through on my part

but like ramona has to know for the reveal scene here to work out right, otherwise she’d never guess specifically violet

unless I rewrite the scene, but? nope. i’m committed to this ribbon reveal. I like it a lot. fuck it.

THIS WAS WHY I TOOK OUT BERTRAND AND OLIVIA AS CUTE PEN PALS auuuuuggggggg

I don’t know I mean. it is weird and stretching this (already shenanigans-filled) fic a little but. I don’t think it’s the WORST illogical thing I can stick in here. and they are friends, they can write to each other, just, yeah, probably not a lot and they actually probably don’t talk about the kids a lot, cause then lemony would know about both kids and since r wouldn’t tell bea she was writing to lemony bea wouldn’t know anything at all about violet and THAT’S what’s not good (although r telling lemony about klaus is cute i’m gonna have to nix it here. no can do.), so yeah r probs never brings up klaus and lemony rarely brings up violet, he probably only mentions the ribbon thing back when she was really really young because of how much it reminded him of bea and lemony was One Sad Man in his twenties trying to cope with the emotional reality of raising a child that reminded him of his wife and needed to tell someone

that is a lot of weight on ramona though and she doesn’t say anything but lemony apologizes for bringing it up in the next letter anyway and actually after that they probably talk a lot less cause it’s hard on both of them)

(writing is hard! writing is hard.)

ramona: so what’s your plan now?

violet: first, I have to make a phone call.

VIOLET CALLS KLAUS, keeping in mind the concept of time zones a little bit better than hallie and annie

violet: so, it turns out that mother is engaged????

klaus: engaged????? to who?????

violet: this man named bertrand, and, honestly, klaus, he’s such a nice person, he brought me, well he brought you, an atlas –

klaus: oh. that is very nice.

violet: it’s the sort of atlas you could probably use to incapacitate a reasonably-sized adult.

klaus: wow.

violet: and mother said that apparently she knew him when she was younger, and they get along so well, but –

klaus, remembering the picture he found with the extra candygrams: wait

klaus: is he sort of tall, and thin, and blonde

klaus: and sort of, idly optimistic

violet: yes! although I would say more….calmly steadfast

klaus: hmmm

klaus, trying to describe bertrand’s facial expression in this picture: disarmingly kind?

violet: humorously honest?

klaus: I think father has a picture of him in his desk!

violet: !!!!

[myth: confirmed!]

klaus: and some notes from high school from mother and him!

violet: !!! klaus, based on some other things i’ve found, I think all of them might have had feelings for each other.

klaus: !! that makes a considerable amount of sense here. if they all still do, that could make this much easier.

violet: but we won’t know for sure unless –

bernadette: who are you two talking about???

klaus: BERNADETTE

violet: bernadette, are you on the extension again

bernadette: well why wouldn’t I be?

bernadette: it sounds like you guys are talking about bertrand.

violet: how do you know who bertrand is?

bernadette: dad talks about him all the time???

bernadette: well, not when uncle lemony’s around

bernadette: he sent dad that book of poetry that mom immediately burned

bernadette: the elephant guy?

violet: …….oh, now that you mention it! that’s right!

klaus: wait why did your mother burn the book

violet: aunt kit has very little patience for certain poetry.

klaus: she doesn’t like john godfrey saxe??

violet: it’s a big deal, it’s best not to get into it.

violet: look, I think what we need to do is get everyone together and sort this all out.

violet: we’re scouting hotels this week for the reception, you can come here and meet up with us at one of them!

MEANWHILE, kit finds bernadette on the extension, for an honestly longer than usual length of time (bernadette does eavesdrop regularly), and also klaus on the phone in general (and violet rarely uses the phone, like, as a phone. usually she’s taking the phone apart), and really, nothing gets past kit fucking snicket. (you know kit denouement does have a great fucking ring to it, but as I said before, just try and tell me she didn’t insist on keeping her maiden name when she got married.)

so she goes and finds klaus and hears the end of the above conversation and is like ‘oh shit, they totally switched on lemony and bea, what badass kids’

[what if she tries to corner bernadette first

kit: bernadette, I didn’t know you knew anyone to call on the phone.

bernadette, without missing a fucking beat: I called the international operator to ask about time zones, but she caught me up in a conversation about soap operas and whether or not their use of sudden death is considered theatrically cathartic or not.

bernadette: I told her it happens way too often for it to be cathartic.

kit is too impressed to counter her. kit loves her daughter so fucking much.]

so then she sort of shows up in klaus’s doorway when he goes to leave the room after the phone call, arms crossed over her chest

kit: is there something you’d like to talk about?

kit can be outrageously intimidating but kit is also, actually, a pretty good parent

kit, significantly more gently: just between you and me, klaus.

klaus: …..maybe.

kit: come on, let’s go for a walk. you can tell me all about it.

klaus: it’s a long story.

kit: well, good, I like long stories.

klaus: are you going to tell father?

kit: don’t you think you should tell him?

klaus: do you think he’ll be upset?

kit: oh, not at all. more with himself than you, anyway. once, violet was responsible for wiping out the electricity of the whole city, and he gave her two slices of cake for dessert and said he should’ve bought more books on electrical wiring.

lemony is appropriately concerned and horrified and thrilled to see his son, like, oh my god, but the moment is taken over by the urgency of the situation because klaus says he has something to tell all of them that cannot wait

[forgive me for not writing that one out.]

klaus: so it seems like mother is getting married

lemony: oh

lemony: well

lemony: like haircuts, marriage – marriage comes to all of us, at some point –

klaus: to bertrand?

kit, lemony, and dewey: /STUNNED, DEAD SILENCE

kit: oh my.

dewey: what are the odds?

lemony: I think I can die now. I believe i’m ready.

bernadette: why don’t you just go see them and work this all out???

lemony: bernadette, I don’t know if life works like that.

bernadette: uncle lemony, you’re going to ruin all my bright-eyed optimism.

dewey: sometimes I think I didn’t have anything to do with you at all, bernadette. I think you just sprang, fully-formed, from your mother’s head.

kit: don’t be vulgar, dewey. ….thank you, though.

kit: but really I don’t see any other way to sort this out than by going to see beatrice and bertrand.

[this was one of the very first conversations I wrote for this and I am still very attached to it, even though I find dewey so hard to write, I haven’t yet figured out how I think he functions with these guys, especially kit, which I should maybe have done sooner but, what can you do.]

[also I feel like it just makes more sense in this for them to KNOW bea is engaged]

[I’m putting this in here because honestly……….in the movie once elizabeth realizes the switch she does not spend nearly enough time hugging hallie constantly or getting to know her, I get that seeing your ex-husband for the first time in eleven years is A Lot but YOUR DAUGHTER WHO YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IN ELEVEN YEARS AS WELL IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE] [also makes up for not writing klaus revealing himself as klaus, i’m so sorry.]

lemony: klaus?

klaus: ?

lemony: I – please don’t think that I didn’t love you. because I do, and I have thought about you every second of every day, I promise you. and there are many things that I should have done as your father, and many things that I cannot make up to you, but I want you to know that whatever happens with this, I have always loved you. and I am sorry.

so i’ve always pictured that klaus (besides looking reasonably like bea anyway, in any universe) gets angry like she does, and bea gets that sort of like, quiet cool hatred that turns into full-blown shouting really quickly and she will pull no punches and just fucking give it to you!!!!! and klaus has some sort of version of that and like look I put a lot of thought into ‘adult problems fucking over small children as those adults fervently avoid those problems’ when I wrote babybea so like

man, of course klaus can be angry at his parents for like???? never trying to work things out???? this is the first time in almost ten years he’s seen his father and his sister and he has an aunt and an uncle (and another uncle he hasn’t even seen!) and a cousin he never knew about because of lemony and bea being stubborn and stupid and recklessly young!!!!! I think violet is honestly less mad about it (well, she gets a little mad about it later on, but like, being raised by lemony, she has this weird way of trying to rationalize things while feeling really guilty about it, but that’s scenes away from right here – or she just? maybe internalizes it more.) but klaus is like, he’s not totally angry but like, as himself, face to face with lemony, lemony talking to him like a parent and about klaus and not about bea or violet or shenanigans or anything, like, yeah, he’s a little angry that it’s just….taken this long and that lemony and bea are so stupid

klaus is an angry crier. and an angry hugger. so that’s what he does.

like it’s hard to suddenly have a relationship with a family member whose never….been that to you before or made themselves available like that or just generally been there at all, and as much as I want them all having a good time, bea and lemony have some shit to work out with their kids

THEY HAVE A GOOD HUG, IS THE POINT

and I want to say that like they spend some time together after this and…….yeah they probs do it’s just gonna be weird re: the previous paragraph so…….maybe they just sit around and read and occasionally point things out to each other, that sounds chill and legit, doesn’t ask a lot of either of them

SO, that brings us to, later that night, when lemony can Officially Panic

kit: so

kit: you seem a little tense, brother mine.

lemony: I am NOT going to break up a marriage between two loving people who care about each other and happen to have incredibly pleasant facial features and are two people I myself still care about a great deal despite not having seen either of them for a lengthy amount of time

lemony: we’re only going to switch the children back, and I will talk to beatrice, about something, and I don’t have to say anything at all to bertrand, and that’s going to be it. that’s all. nothing beyond that.

kit: that would be a more powerful statement if you weren’t packing every single fancy tie you own.

lemony: really.

lemony: we’re not going to think any more into this.

lemony: that’s all we’re going to do.

lemony: which tie should I wear?

kit: well, definitely don’t pick one of the ones you’re strangling in a death grip.

(hey, where is jacques in this??????????? wish I knew)

(he’s probably regularly out of town, maybe he happens to call home and bernadette is the one to pick up the phone and she’s like “we’re going to see aunt beatrice, I think we’ll be back in a week or something?” and then immediately hangs up because dewey calls her for something, and jacques is left, miles and miles away, standing in a phone booth and wondering if, perhaps, he should maybe visit his siblings more often so they don’t go tearing off to california

jacques: kit what the hell is going on

kit: what, didn’t bernadette tell you?

lemony: ask him what tie I should wear

kit: we’re embarking on the adventure of a lifetime, jacques, it’s your own fault that you decided to go out of town this weekend, I really don’t know what to tell you

lemony: ask him what tie I should wear

kit: /sighs

kit: what tie should your brother wear

jacques: the one with the single blue stripe, it brings out his eyes, what are you two doing

kit: really, jacques, you need to pay more attention

kit: lemony, he says the one with the blue stripe

lemony: oh, good. tell him he’s a lifesaver.

kit: lemony says you’re a lifesaver, although I have yet to see real proof of this, however I will consider changing my mind if you happen to bring me a souvenir. please remember that I could use a new set of nice, engraved fountain pens. also our plane is leaving soon and we need to pack, so bye, loser

jacques: ………………….

jacques: what did I do to deserve this)

(jacques, in any universe, is eternally pained by his siblings)

this being a rehearsal dinner brings it very close to, you know, an actual wedding date, and the thing is, I have planned a completely different wedding-related fic, weddings are EXPENSIVE AND, YOU KNOW, TIME-CONSUMING, PLANNED IN ADVANCE, ALL THAT SHIT

but the whole reason there’s a wedding in the parent trap in general is because, if meredith and nick are just dating, there’s no commitment, marriage means COMMITMENT and A TIME CONSTRAINT and meredith wants his fucking money

so yeah bea and bertrand ARE engaged and planning to get married and plans have happened but the idea of this being so close to the rehearsal dinner makes me sad about all those ‘yeah i’m gonna have to cancel’ phone calls someone is gonna have to make, which is, well, pretty silly, but still, I Hate feeling uncomfortable esp when reading things like that (or even just, thinking of them in advance)

and that is why they are scouting hotels for the reception. (don’t ask me where the denouement is. I do not know.)

so bea + co get to the hotel first, and the only people who know lemony + co will be there are violet and ramona

ramona, hanging back to talk to violet while bea and bertrand and olivia (she has a good eye for decorating.) go ahead: do you know what you’re going to do?

violet: well, I thought maybe we would just

violet: all bump into each other?

violet: and go from there??

ramona thinks that’s an exceptionally courageous take on this and that, yep that girl sure is bea’s daughter

[yeah bea still has NO IDEA ANY OF THIS IS HAPPENING ramona is A+ at keeping secrets

meanwhile, sometime later-

olivia: you didn’t tell me?????

ramona: olivia, I love you dearly but you can’t keep a secret to save your life

[oh, yikes, re: legit asoue canon]

olivia: ……..okay, you have a point.]

it is at this moment that lemony + co arrive, and bertrand, who had backtracked for a moment because he realized he dropped a pen, immediately runs into dewey, who had stopped near the door to examine the hotel brochures and ambiance in more detail (you can take the boy out of the hotel but you can’t take the hotel out of the boy)

[based on penultimate peril, I always thought bertrand and dewey were very good friends and had bonded over absurd poetry, and, of course, based on kit burning the poetry book, are still in contact – there’s much less of a sense of forced distance between bertrand and dewey, because dewey’s just lemony’s brother-in-law and bertrand was friends with dewey first so they’re still good friends but like most adults they have a hard time committing to keeping in contact regularly especially with the distance and haven’t physically seen each other for some time]

so they bump into each other –

bertrand: dewey!!

bertrand: it’s been ages, what are you doing here, how are you!!!

[dewey denouement, much in the way that olivia caliban can’t keep a fucking secret, cannot fucking lie.]

dewey: oh, um

dewey: you know

dewey: hotel conference!!

dewey: kit wanted to travel!!!!

dewey: we’re traveling FOR a hotel conference!!!

dewey: WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE CURTAINS, BERTRAND

bertrand: ……..dewey, you’ve never been very good at lying.

dewey: no, no I really haven’t.

dewey: forgive me for everything, bertrand.

bertrand: you might have to be a little more specific.

beatrice: bertrand, have you – dewey??

dewey: oh no

beatrice, remembering dewey and kit are married, suddenly battling sheer terror the likes of which she has never experienced: how….how are you

dewey: I could be better. I could definitely be better.

beatrice: is kit here?

bertrand: I believe they’re here to look at the curtains.

dewey: we’re definitely here to look at curtains.

beatrice: ….they don’t have curtains in england

dewey, grasping at straws: not….like these….?

MEANWHILE back at the ranch, lemony backtracks outside because he dropped a pen, narrowly missing three adults awkwardly talking about curtains

olivia: beatrice, we’ll be late for the wine tasting if we don’t go soon.

beatrice: oh – well, dewey, it was….nice to see you

dewey: please, go enjoy your wine.

bertrand: /waves good-bye!!!!

klaus and bernadette, hiding behind a nearby ficus, because bernadette thinks fast and has her own specific idea about how this should go and it doesn’t involve her relatives meeting again because of her father talking about curtains: wow.

violet: /narrowly avoids getting swept up into the wine tasting, darts for the elevator to try and locate klaus + co

MEANWHILE back at the ranch, upstairs, in their hotel room

lemony: why did I think I could do this

lemony: how do I approach a couple here to scout locations for a wedding reception?

kit: ….you approach them

dewey: don’t talk about curtains, maybe.

lemony: i’m not – dewey, what do curtains have to do with this?

dewey: trust me, just don’t talk about them.

there is a knock at the door. lemony has seen death. this is it, for him.

anyway, it’s violet.

klaus: violet!

violet: klaus!

awkward sibling hug sincere sibling hug!!

violet: klaus, please take your glasses back.

klaus: oh, thank you. my spare pair just doesn’t feel the same as these.

lemony: violet!

now, seeing the two of them together, he can absolutely tell the difference between them. ain’t that just the way.

lemony hugs his daughter like she’s going to disappear right out of his arms and then hugs klaus for good measure and he has to try and ignore the true roller coaster of emotions that puts him through and then tries to look very stern.

lemony: i’m not disappointed in the two of you but I cannot believe you switched on your mother and me. that was very….

lemony is not good at being angry at his children, he has no real concept of it.

lemony: ….clever. it was very clever.

violet and klaus are very proud but find it in themselves to try and look a little chagrined. they don’t do it very well.

violet: father, you really need to talk to mother.

klaus: and bertrand.

lemony: both of you know about bertrand??

klaus: you and mother are very transparent about him.

MEANWHILE back at the ranch, at the wine tasting

ramona: what do you think?

beatrice and bertrand, equally lost in thought about the presence of dewey, the implied presence of kit, and the possibility of the presence of lemony: hm??

bertrand: oh, yes

beatrice: wine

beatrice: /downs entire glass

beatrice: /sets down glass

beatrice: not that one.

bertrand, who has been holding the same glass for the past twenty minutes and has no idea which wine that even was: definitely not.

MEANWHILE back. at. the. ranch.

lemony’s children have such boundless courage (I have hurt myself so many times while writing this fanfic with the occasional too-on-point line and this in particular wounds me these kids are so strong and so important and won’t take no for an answer compared to their parents and get the chance to get their parents to FIX THINGS and oh no i’m gonna cry) and have dragged him downstairs to the lobby, with the INTENTION of having him run into bea and bertrand

lemony: this is not going to work out –

violet: nonsense!

klaus: it’s going to work perfectly.

meanwhile, bea and bertrand leave the wine tasting

bertrand: ….did we come to a conclusion, about the wine?

beatrice: no, I don’t think so.

bertrand stops by the bathroom to wash his hands for something to do as he’s consumed with thoughts (not about wine), beatrice is in a daze as she goes through the lobby, violet notices her but sees she’s not with bertrand and decides she has to stall

violet, rushing over, purposely trying to block beatrice’s view with varying success: mother, how was the wine tasting?

beatrice: oh, it was –

did you remember violet gave klaus his glasses back?

beatrice: klaus, what happened to your –

and, well.

beatrice looks at her so hard and processes kit and dewey being here and then it fucking hits her like (forgive me. forgive me so hard.) a harpoon to the chest

beatrice: ….violet?

violet: yes.

beatrice: but – how –

klaus, appearing next to her: it’s a truly fascinating chain of events we’d like to tell you, but –

hey! beatrice is stunned and horrified! and grabs her daughter into a hug, knowing now that it’s her daughter and has been this whole time and!!!! she feels so awful with herself for not noticing but is also trying to not make a big deal out of it and startle violet by sobbing uncontrollably on her shoulder but beatrice is simultaneously devastated and filled with so much love and she’s for sure going to break apart now

beatrice: and klaus –

she’s hugging them both now, it’s very good.

beatrice, in tears: you two are lucky you’re so cute

violet: mother, there’s someone we’d very much like you to talk to.

beatrice knows somewhere in the back of her mind that it’s lemony but is also not even thinking of lemony because, her children

klaus: /tries to wave lemony over

lemony: /trying and failing to hide behind a ficus, have you seen a ficus, have you seen lemony

violet: /ALSO WAVING

beatrice can’t miss that for the world.

beatrice, while turning around: what are you two –

imagine, if you will, lemony snicket trying to hide behind a potted ficus that hits about mid-chest.

also imagine, if you will, two people who divorced over eleven years ago, still have too many feelings about each other, split up their children for their stupidity, have been trying to avoid the knowledge that both of them are there for the past hour, and are now confronted with the reality of their lives right in front of them

…….besides the ficus.

lemony, stepping out from behind the ficus: hello, bea.

this is a headcanon i’ve long held, since I first started writing asoue fanfic, but, bertrand and lemony say ‘bea’ differently, especially in canon, like particularly in canon, so it’s like less so here but lemony still says her name with so much love, and bertrand says it with love too but lemony has known beatrice for so so long and here they are after years apart and here he is saying her name again, and he never ever ever expected to say it like that again, he never even DREAMED of saying it to her again, but it’s real

beatrice: lemony snicket.

violet: as nice as this is for us –

klaus: – we’re going to allow you three the time you need to discuss assorted events.

at this moment (of course), bertrand reemerges.

bertrand: bea, I –

he sees violet and klaus rushing off, looking delighted, and bea and lemony standing there still trying to process words, and then there’s bertrand, frantically thinking ‘abort mission, ABORT MISSION’

because. the way they turn and look at him, in tandem, like they did all the time in high school, immediately makes bertrand feel like they’re there, back in high school, back at prom, here’s the two absolute loves of his life standing in front of him and bertrand is filled with delight but also fear because, here it is, they all have to deal with it now

(all of them are thinking that, the three of them, standing there, there is not a single trace of jealously but instead there is so much love and regret and it’s, heart-wrenching)

and here is where he loses all his Chill™.

bertrand: you know what, i’m gonna – go –

bertrand: /trips over a chair

lemony: oh –

beatrice: bertrand!

bertrand: totally fine, still alive, i’m – they have such a nice gift shop, you know, i’m – i’ll be there

bertrand: /high-tails it practically out of existence

beatrice and lemony: ….

lemony: he – he still has a very nice running form.

beatrice: yeah, I think so.

lemony: well, bea

lemony: or does everyone call you beatrice now?

beatrice: no, no, bea – bea is fine. bertrand still calls me bea.

[beatrice starts to laugh. “it’s – man, it’s funny, isn’t it?”

lemony smiles at her. “what is?”

“i’m going to marry your high school crush,” beatrice giggles, “who’s still – still in love with you.” she stops. “you know, that’s actually really not as funny as it sounded in my head,” she says, frowning.]

they have dinner!!! and talk. about. stuff. do violet and klaus recreate the night lemony and bea met or the wedding or something????? idk honestly. like at least they didn’t get married UPON MEETING I MEAN LIKE COME ON (although somehow that is very them, but, come on, this backstory is good and solid and I love characters that grow)

maybe they just pool their allowances and give their parents a banging night out (which is pretty much just. dinner.)

beatrice: I see that cut on your forehead healed up nice

lemony: yes, anna karenina left very little lasting damage –

both: – except to anna karenina.

they pause, and then just, fucking burst out laughing, this is a horrible old joke for them that they made up when they were in school because anna karenina was the biggest book either of them owned (neither of them were particularly interested in war and peace) but was somehow sort of light and if you dropped it it really didn’t do much damage, which they thought was funny re: the size of the book and the subject matter

beatrice throws it at lemony during the fight that ends with their divorce and it’s the first time it actually hurts something

lemony: so, how is bertrand

lemony: I don’t think i’ve seen him since – well, since before the twins were born.

beatrice: oh, he’s – he’s doing really, really well. he’s a librarian, and – we keep joking about how many more books klaus and I will be able to read. lemony, he’s got the magazine editions of hammett –

lemony: w h a t

lemony: does he even have the –

beatrice: yep. he has the unfinished story. i’ve seen it.

lemony: I knew I liked that man for a reason

THERE IS SUCH A WEIGHTY PAUSE.

lemony: that is, hammett, obviously. I mean, the continental op is one of the quintessential fictional detectives, and hammett’s novels –

beatrice: you did like him, didn’t you

beatrice: when we were in school, you looked at him the same way you looked at me.

lemony: oh, no

lemony: I looked at you with a rapt adoration and I looked at bertrand like he was a puzzle I couldn’t solve. I have that on good authority from my sister.

beatrice: oh, right, right.

lemony: ….but I did, didn’t I. I did like him very much.

lemony: I don’t think anyone disliked him.

beatrice: that wasn’t quite what I asked, lemony.

lemony: ….what do you want me to say, bea? that I saw him there, with you, and couldn’t even find it in me to be jealous because the sight of you two together made me so unbelievably happy that I forgot how to breathe? that I – that I wondered, for a moment, if, twelve years later, we could – if I –

lemony: ….i don’t believe this conversation is supposed to be about bertrand.

beatrice: …….no, I – I suppose not.

lemony: that day, when you asked me to leave –

beatrice: you mean when I shouted at you to leave.

lemony: I was trying to be kind.

beatrice: lemony, I for sure shouted at you.

lemony: no, bea, I – I thought things would be better if I left. if you didn’t have to put up with me, because you clearly didn’t want to. and I didn’t make it easy for you, back then. there were many things I overlooked about both of us, things I hid from both of us, things I should have talked about with you. and I didn’t.

beatrice: ….oh.

lemony: I thought that loving the person that I wanted you to be was enough for the person that I wanted to be. obviously, it wasn’t, because you asked me to leave and I left. I never even looked back.

beatrice: ….lemony, I don’t think anything would’ve been enough for either of us. I asked a lot of you, too. I didn’t want you to see anything bad about me, and you didn’t, but the longer we were like that, the more I just – the more I really hated you for it. you just saw what you wanted to. and, well, what I wanted you to. I think I kind of hated me, too.

beatrice: sometimes, I think, what would’ve happened if we’d stayed together and I don’t know if I like that either. not that it was – okay, what we did. because it wasn’t. and we might’ve changed or we might’ve fucked up even worse, I don’t know, and i’ll never know.

beatrice: but lemony, seeing her now, I regret every single second I haven’t spent with her because of it.

lemony: I know.

beatrice, who’s a little angry cause she hates when lemony says that to her and her temper gets away from her: do you?

lemony, who’s just regretting all his life choices and knows he fully deserves beatrice’s ire: ….i’ve missed so much of his life.

beatrice, voice breaking: ….yeah.

man, these are some really miserable parents.

beatrice: we should – I don’t know, you know, what we’re gonna do, with – us – but we should – they, they should see each other. we can’t do that to them again.

lemony: I agree.

beatrice: you know, we have some pretty clever kids. I would never – okay, maybe, but I don’t know – have had the balls to switch places with someone on the other side of the world.

lemony: we do, don’t we?

lemony: I know we didn’t do a great deal right, but, maybe we did, with them.

beatrice: ….yeah, maybe we did.

beatrice: not every day two people have kids like ours.

lemony: …….can I be honest with you, bea?

beatrice: …okay.

lemony: i’m glad they switched places. i’m – i’m glad I got to see you. and bertrand. and you.

beatrice: i’m glad you came, lemony.

[all these conversations starring two people steadfastly trying to avoid that they are still in love with each other but also trying to really acknowledging they have Real Problems, brought to you by one (1) woman struggling to get two characters to talk about their problems but also the idea of introducing a third person into their already rocky relationship, don’t mind me just casually dying over here, this was harder than I thought]

beatrice, feeling the weight of this conversation and knowing they done fucked up in the past but also desperately wishing she and lemony could go back to where they were before only better and just trying to figure out where they’re gonna go from here, girl’s doing her best here, and you know what, so am i: so, um

beatrice: fuck, marry, kill

beatrice: continental op, nick charles, sam spade.

lemony, going through incredibly similar emotions: ….

lemony: do you want me to give my virtue to one man and then marry another

beatrice: why do you always take this game so literally

beatrie: I am banging nick charles, but I am marrying the continental op for job stability, and I am killing sam spade where he stands

lemony: bea, no, you can’t just kill sam spade like that

lemony: how about, I take the continental op to dinner, I have a pleasant night with nick charles –

beatrice: I like that we’d both fuck william powell.

lemony: we’ve both seen william powell. no one wouldn’t.

lemony: but sam spade, though, I don’t think it’s so clear cut as all that –

they’ve really!! grown a lot!! they’re really trying to talk this out!!! a little, at least!!! be adults!!!! talk like they didn’t eleven years ago!!!!!! they’re so stupid and they’re trying so hard!!!! my kids………….

this is definitely not the only conversation they’re gonna have about this, like it’s Good that they’ve said this but there’s. a lot more they need to talk about and will probably talk about, just not right now

anyway, LATER –

the continuing saga of two people Not Talking and then Talking About Certain Things and then Inadvertently Talking About The Things They Didn’t Want To And Not Quite Realizing It

lemony: at the hotel

lemony: you, ah, said something about bertrand

beatrice: !!!!

beatrice: ooo, we are talking about him, hmm?

lemony: bea.

beatrice: fine, fine. yes, that he’s still in love with you.

lemony: is he really?

beatrice: I think he is.

beatrice: you still didn’t really answer me before, when I asked if you still felt the same about him.

lemony: ….does it matter, if you’re going to marry him?

beatrice: of course it matters! i’m not – i’m not marrying bertrand to, prove a point or anything, or – say I like him better than you, I – i’m marrying him because I, I love him, but I don’t – that’s not all there is to this.

beatrice: I mean, we didn’t get divorced because of bertrand, that was all on us, but – seeing both of you, sometimes I feel like – maybe – we – maybe we could’ve made it work. not if we had bertrand, but with him. now.

beatrice: and, and that’s a lot, to ask you – I know – it’s a lot to ask both of us, especially after everything, but – do you?

lemony: ….bea.

beatrice: lemony.

lemony: ….i feel that, in the interest of the past eleven years, we should perhaps talk to him before I make a concrete decision about that personal feeling.

beatrice: well, that’s – that’s a wise choice.

they are, quiet, for a while

it’s a lot to think about, you know?? there’s a lot to this

lemony: …….but I think I do.

beatrice: you think you do?

lemony: I think I do.

beatrice: I think I do, too.

there is a little more silence because they’re like ‘!!!!! well that’s SOMETHING REALLY BIG TO THINK ABOUT’ especially because they haven’t like totally committed back to a relationship with each other and there is!! still!!! so!! much!!!! but, they’re thinking about it now, and they’re, sort of floaty-happy because it’s like, wow, wow, this is a possibility, they can

maybe

push it, a little, and see what happens, maybe maybe

lemony: well, you should, you are marrying him.

beatrice: shhh, you are ruining the rhythm.

lemony: I think –

beatrice: you think?

lemony: it’s been known to happen.

beatrice: mmm, I don’t think so

[it’s hard to tell because there’s generally very little concept of outside action/feelings when getting down scenes this way but these few lines are supposed to be v cute and soft and just the tiniest bit flirty]

lemony: trust me, I have had many a thought.

beatrice: well, I think –

lemony: you think, now, do you

beatrice: I do indeed, lemony snicket.

[god. lemony wants to kiss her so fucking bad. beatrice wants to keep teasing him until he does kiss her. they’re very close. he just. smooths her hair behind her ear and takes a step back.]

lemony: I think we should talk to bertrand.

beatrice: yeah. we should. we should probably do that.

MEANWHILE.

I want bertrand to bond with these kids with all my heart so that’s what fucking happens while bea and lemony are dealing with their problems

they play a rousing game of scrabble. it’s usually a game I give the snicket siblings because of their vicious playing styles (which is just based on me and my brother playing scrabble) BUT I love scrabble a lot and I think it’s super cute if bertrand hangs out with violet and klaus and they play board games, it’s distressingly endearing to me, violet trying to sneak in names of inventors on the board and klaus being insistent on following the rules of the game and bertrand trying to come up with a sufficient compromise

bertrand: okay, so, last names are allowed, but only if you can also include the first initial, initialisms by themselves are not allowed, and foreign words and phrases are on a case-by-case basis, providing I can translate it and you’re not trying to put down something inappropriate.

klaus: what about scientific names?? can I put down binomial nomenclature

violet: hey how do you spell binomial

klaus: b-i-n-o-m-i-a-l

violet: oh, how neat.

violet: /puts it down on the scrabble board

klaus: ….

violet: :)

bertrand: it looks like you can put down binomial nomenclature.

bertrand: but yes, I will allow actual nomenclature, klaus.

klaus is deathly quiet for the next few turns until he manages to put down nomenclature. (which I think is achievable, with enough luck.)

klaus: actual. nomenclature.

violet: so that’s how it’s gonna be, huh

bertrand: okay, references to previous conversations are no longer allowed, let’s try this again

eventually they stop playing the damn game and come up with their own wildly specific set of rules for playing scrabble, and bea and lemony come back to a lot of paper and a lot of scrabble tiles and violet and klaus sitting on either side of bertrand on the couch, helping him write this rule list

and bea and lemony want to comment about how they’re not even playing scrabble, but watching bertrand interact with their kids and be so soft and patient with them is the most distressingly heartwarming thing they’ve seen in a long time

they both have the immediate thought of ‘holy fuck I wanna kiss that man,’ which is followed by ‘holy f u c k maybe a relationship between all of us could work’

lemony: bertrand.

bertrand: ?

lemony: could we talk?

there is no camping trip! instead we got NEARBY HOTEL SHENANIGANS and THREE PEOPLE ON A DATE AT A LOCAL FAIR, TRYING TO FEEL THINGS OUT

imagine your average carnival-fair sort of thing with Rides and Games and Absurd Amounts of Cotton Candy and That Super Salty But Still Real Good Popcorn

bertrand and lemony arrive first and bea specifically gets there late so bertrand and lemony can actually talk, because honestly this is the only time I can see in all this that these two would be able to talk to each other uninterrupted

and they all know they’re there for the weirdest date ever but bertrand still feels the need to clear the air

bertrand: lemony, I don’t want you to think that I was waiting your marriage out or anything, I didn’t even know you two weren’t together until last year, and I didn’t even intend to see bea, it just happened on accident –

lemony: bertrand, it’s fine.

lemony: beatrice and I aren’t married anymore, you don’t have to explain anything.

bertrand: ….sometimes I feel like i’ve wanted to explain everything to you, for the past fifteen years.

[bertrand ‘breaking my fucking heart again’ baudelaire…….]

bertrand: that’s – silly, isn’t it.

lemony: no. I don’t think so.

bertrand: I never got the chance to say it. well, actually I don’t think I ever let myself say it, because I had plenty of chances! especially at prom, I could’ve changed everything! but you and bea were so – I wanted you two more than anything else in the whole entire world, but I didn’t want to hurt you two or what we had. I think I did, though.

bertrand: and, and I really shouldn’t blame myself or anyone for these stupid mistakes that happened when we were just kids, because we were just kids!

bertrand: I mean, we’re right here, right now, and i’m – i’m really looking forward to this, lemony.

[lemony, much like me, is momentarily dazzled by how fucking genuine bertrand is]

lemony: so am I.

lemony: ….i kept those candygrams you sent me when we were all in high school because they were remarkably sweet and I treasure them dearly

bertrand: !!

lemony is so nervous and I love him and you know when you get nervous and you just sort of spill weird secrets to people, especially when it’s the person you like???? that’s that

they look at each other for a moment and then start laughing and it’s the kind that starts kind of soft and then they’re just rampantly giggling and being dorks and I love them both so damn much okay

and because they haven’t regularly seen each other in you know fifteen years they spend some time. talking about their lives. there’s a lot of things they don’t know about each other!

lemony and bertrand like make a vague show of trying to win bea some prize and they suck and they stand to the side and talk while bea wins herself a prize and she runs back over to them and just looks so proud of herself, winning this…….thing (it’s very much “i don’t know if it’s a duck or a panda, but I want one.”)

lemony: is it a…….hmmm

bertrand: ….those are cat ears, right

beatrice: what, no, they’re wolf ears

lemony: it has webbed feet, though

bertrand: it’s a platypus! oh, no, not with all those feathers.

lemony: it could easily be a duck, I suppose

beatrice: BUT THE EARS

bertrand: a penguin!

lemony: a grackle

bertrand: a goose!

beatrice: THE E A R S

lemony and bertrand share an obnoxious amount of cotton candy, and honestly it’s the date they all should’ve had in high school, a date that would’ve changed everything, and man, they’re having so much fun and maybe they could do this, lemony has never been so happy and bertrand is just this ball of delight and, it’s really beautiful, and beatrice is for sure thinking that and she’s having such a good time and she’s so happy

but then

she thinks, what if it DIDN’T change everything, what if they all got together in high school and tried to make it work and really fucked each other over, would they have been able to do it?? what really would’ve happened??? and they’re adults now, they’re better people but they have so much more to think about, there is so much more at stake now and beatrice is fucking terrified about what could happen, all of a sudden

and she’s been terrified for years about all the terrible things that could happen to klaus or her or ramona and olivia and even their stupid cat and she’s still trying to hide it so well and she does, she’s happy and creates such a good life for her son but she is so scared and she can’t keep running from it anymore by being impulsive or silly or shouting all the time, she has to face the reality of the situation that she really has to think this one through, what all three of them are going to do about this

she and lemony still have so many problems, and they both know that, they all know that!!! they aren’t going to solve them right away!!! and with bertrand there, maybe it’ll be harder!! maybe it won’t be easier!!! not that bertrand immediately makes things easier, in any universe!!! but especially here!!! you know!!! what if they don’t talk about anything because he’s there??? what if they avoid talking about everything so much in trying to be happy that they irreparably fuck them all over??? it’s been so long since all three of them were together, what if they can’t do this!! what if their kids don’t like them together, what if none of them can get along??? suddenly there are a lot more variables to this, and seeing it happen, bea is struck by everything they’re going to have to fix and all the ways it could go wrong and it’s not good

beatrice: …..what are we doing?

beatrice: and – and what if it doesn’t work out, this time?? what if we all try this and we can’t do it??

bertrand: do you think that little of yourself?

beatrice: no.

beatrice: i’m thinking about, what if I break my kid’s hearts, even worse than I already have? I can’t do that, not to them.

and, they get it. they love each other so much but this story isn’t about just the three of them anymore.

bertrand and bea decide not to get married. and even though they all know they still love each other, lemony and bea have violet and klaus to think of, so they all decide it would be for the best to go their separate ways.

violet and klaus are not happy, by any means. they are not happy to pack up all their stuff and know that nothing is going to work out, and it hurts, a lot, man

klaus, picking up his books: I really respect our parents and their chosen additional life partner but don’t you think they can be a little…..

violet, jamming her toolkit into a suitcase: stupid?

klaus: I was going to say stubborn

klaus: but stupid works too.

so they all say good-bye :( lemony, violet, kit and dewey and bernadette go home. (bernadette’s real upset no one got back together. she hides it well but she just sort of crams herself into her seat on the plane on the trip home and is just super bummed. I love this lil kid.) (I fondly remember when this outline was nowhere near over 20k and was just a short little thing and bernadette’s scenes just monopolized it….)

the thing I love about bea raising klaus is that, and I also feel this for canon too, klaus gets so so much of bea’s anger and short temper

like violet is a lot more calmer in the take no shit category but klaus will, like his mother, flip a table

klaus: mother, that was the most foolish thing you’ve ever done and you know it

beatrice: !

beatrice: don’t you – don’t you use that tone with me, klaus

beatrice: I am your mother

klaus: and you’re just going to let my father and my sister walk away from us???

beatrice: I – it’s more complicated than that!

klaus: how??

beatrice: klaus, would you want me to risk this, everything we have, on the off chance that your father and I could maybe sort out our differences?

klaus: you didn’t seem to have that many differences!

beatrice: there’s a lot of things you don’t know, klaus!

klaus: then tell me! you’re the one who’s always telling me I can do anything, and I just think it seems pretty rich of you to decide that that doesn’t apply to you, or that I don’t get to know everything about the people who are supposed to be my family!

klaus has a point, here, and beatrice realizes that, so she decides IN THAT INSTANT that, okay. fine. it’s time to do something about this and she can do something about this.

SO SHE GOES TO BERTRAND

bertrand: bea, what –

beatrice: I can’t ��� look, I can’t do this to my kids either, okay, I can’t keep them apart anymore, what – why did I think that was such a good idea in the first place??? so I wouldn’t see lemony?? so I wouldn’t work things out between us, because we were fucking kids when we were together and, and I sacrificed my relationship with my daughter because I was so petty and selfish, and i’m doing it again, bertrand!! i’m letting myself do it again after everything we all talked about because i’m so fucking scared but I – I can’t do this to myself, you know? I want – I want things to work out this time. with all of us. I want to make it work and i’m going to make it work and i’m going to go get my daughter and lemony, and I want you to come with us, if you want to come with us.

klaus, leaning out of the car window and shouting at beatrice and bertrand, who are standing on the steps of bertrand’s place: if I may interject, the plane we intend to catch does leave in half an hour, so you two should maybe hurry up a little

klaus: not to ruin your moment or anything!

bertrand, desperately: I want things to work out, bea, I do. but what if you were right and we can’t –

beatrice: i’m right about a lot of things, bertrand baudelaire, and i’m right about this.

bertrand, nodding and trying not to smile too much: ….okay. okay.

MEANWHILE

violet: ….are you mad at me?

lemony: what – violet, I could never be mad at you.

violet: but I – I went behind your back, and I tricked both of you, and I wasn’t even thinking about what you wanted, it – it was just what I wanted, and that wasn’t okay, I shouldn’t have interfered with you and mother at all, I feel so awful –

lemony: none of what happened was your fault, violet. not at all. it was mine. i’m sorry that I kept so much from you. it was incredibly unfair to you, and to klaus. I should have told you a long time ago.

violet: I never got to ask before, but why did you and mother get divorced?

lemony: ….we were very young, and very impulsive. and, also, incredibly scared. that’s not a good combination when you’re trying to make a life with someone.

violet: you two seemed to get along a little better, now.

lemony: well, eleven years is a lot of time. you get older, and you realize the mistakes you made in your youth could’ve been dealt with a lot more easily than you previously thought. you realize you were….

violet: stubborn?

lemony: stupid.

violet: what made it not work out, this time?

lemony: you also realize there are more important things to think about than yourself and what you want.

violet: !

violet: father, I didn’t want you to –

lemony: it wasn’t your call to make, violet.

violet: but it was yours about whether or not I get to see my brother? you were only thinking about what you wanted, too!

lemony: ….

violet: ….that was rude of me, i’m sorry.

lemony: no – don’t apologize, violet. please.

violet, still very angry but also just sad and concerned about how lemony has, in the intervening time between these two conversations, said very little: I thought bertrand was nice.

lemony: bertrand – bertrand is very nice.

so they get back home.

lemony: what would you like for dinner?

violet: I don’t think i’m all that hungry, father.

lemony: no, neither am I.

and lemony just sort of, wanders into the library with his hands in his pockets, because he’s somehow more miserable than he’s been in quite some time, and he’s expecting to just sit around and stare at his typewriter and not get anything done for the rest of the night or really for the foreseeable future, and the library is filled with so many books and so much stuff but it feels so empty to him now, and lemony himself feels empty and horrible about everything and he just stares at the floor without really seeing anything at all

AND THEN

klaus, sitting in one of the library chairs: father, did you know that the concorde gets you here in half the time?

[I just kept the line. I thought long and hard and could not for the life of me think of any other jazzy lil line.] [although yes sadly the concorde no longer exists]

[hey, if lemony and violet are here, and kit and dewey and bernadette were with them on the plane, who’s driving the bus who let bea and bertrand in the house???? cause in the movie it’s gotta be the grandfather

jacques, who had stopped at lemony’s house hoping that he could catch them before the flight but obviously not catching them, who stayed to water the plants: /exiting the house

beatrice, careening out of a taxi: JACQUES HOLD THE DOOR

jacques: !!!! beatrice?? what are you –

bertrand: we’ll have to tell you later, there’s no time!

jacques: bertrand????

klaus really only has time to wave.

all three of them: /BOLT PAST JACQUES INTO THE HOUSE AND SLAM THE DOOR SHUT, leaving jacques out there in the street

jacques: ……….]

anyway

lemony, STUNNED: klaus?

violet, dashing into the room because she heard her brother: klaus!

klaus: ideally we would’ve figured this out before you left, but when you did, we were not completely happy about it.

lemony, still trying to collect himself: you –

and there’s bea and bertrand, standing there, real as anything! really there!! in his library!!

and lemony walks towards them, because this isn’t a matter of, chasing anyone, it’s all of them coming together like this

beatrice: this is gonna work. the three of us, this is gonna work.

beatrice: what do you think?

and the thing. about lemony. is that what he wants more than anything else in this whole fucking world. is a family. particularly in canon, being separated from (reasonably dead) parents and growing apart from his siblings and losing those connections to people, he so desperately wants something that’s his and his own and that he can keep stable by himself

and I think he still feels that way even in whatever fucking world of an au this is, and of course he wants to be with bea and bertrand and to have klaus and violet because he loves them but he is also massively craving that stability of having his own family and like really having it this time, not fucking it up because he’s young and stupid and just as impulsive as bea

THE POINT IS THIS IS A LOT FOR HIM, OKAY, THIS MEANS SO MUCH, to get this!! second chance at all the things he totally fucked up before, PLUS the loves of his life!!!!

and like!!! there’s bertrand. there’s bertrand!!! standing there and reaching out to take lemony’s hand and lemony takes bea’s and bea takes bertrand’s other one and. the road they had to take to get here wasn’t. the best. all the time. they all made mistakes. some. worse than others. and this isn’t the end, right here, there’s still gonna be things they have to work out. and it’s gonna be okay because there’s beatrice and bertrand and lemony. they’re in the same room and no one’s scared.

lemony: yes.

beatrice: yes???

bertrand: yes?

lemony: yes.

there’s a lot of good hugging, people are kissed, comments are made about chapstick flavors, lots of laughter, violet and klaus are tearing up and thrilled beyond belief, everything is beautiful!!!!!

klaus: I can’t believe –

violet: – we actually did it!

and, of course, beatrice was right. about everything.

the following amount of time is filled with –

-lots of arguments.

-mostly between bea and lemony.

-although bertrand has his fair share of arguments with both of them.

-violet and klaus don’t speak to each other for two weeks under the pretense of disagreeing about a book’s theme but really because they’re not sure how to act around each other now that they’re both there, they’ve lived their whole lives as only children and this is what they wanted but it’s also something they didn’t think about having to adjust to

-there’s also this immediate reluctance to listen to anything bea and lemony tell them because they have to get used to parents now, too

-parents who aren’t currently super functioning as parents

-there’s a lot of second-guessing people’s intentions

-why did you say that?? the hell does that eyebrow mean???? you picked that song for a REASON and fuck you for that!!!! you don’t trust me to drive, do you???? I KNOW HOW TO MAKE A SANDWICH FOR MY CHILD THANK YOU VERY MUCH

-that sort of thing.

-in varying shades of seriousness.

-i know it sounds mostly like just bea screaming there but trust me the sentiment is shared by all of them in various ways and actions

-they don’t do it in front of violet and klaus though

-NO ONE KNOWS WHERE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO LIVE NOW, do they stay in england or all go to california??? do they go somewhere else???????? what even (I don’t even know)

-(they probably do stay in england though. that’s what I was picturing while writing this.)

-violet and klaus do adjust to no longer being only children and realizing they have someone their age to rely on now who understands them

-they make blanket forts where violet designs these stands that will hold books up and periodically turn the page so they can lay on their backs and read and not worry about moving

-klaus reads up on inventors so he and violet can talk about them

-they argue with bea and lemony a little about weird things because violet and klaus are trying to figure out where they are with their parents now and how they’re supposed to act and bea and lemony are trying to figure out how to coordinate parenting while wanting to kill each other

-they institute family game night and try to best each other in cards or scrabble because they can handle that

-bertrand, of course, is in a very awkward position at this time

-like he’s around but he can’t take sides because that’s Weird and he’s not that kind of person anyway, and he wants to be there but he doesn’t quite know as what

-like, he was gonna marry bea!! and now he’s not. and he loves lemony!!! but he can’t do anything about it because bea and lemony have problems to work out!!! and bertrand loves both of them!! and they love him!!! they know they do!! he knows they do!!!!! but everything is very uncomfortable!!!

-like, bertrand needs to be on equal footing in this relationship too!

-he hangs out with dewey a lot and they become Poetry Buds again

-he participates in family game night

-bea and lemony are worried that bertrand is only going to see himself as like a peacemaker between them when he isn’t because he never has been and realizing that bertrand is a huge official permanent part of their lives now is a big thing for them

-hi, my name’s lulu and writing the navigation of relationships is hard!!!! it’s so fucking hard

-the three of them watch movies wednesday nights – bertrand picks the movies and he picks these really sweet romantic ones (cause that’s just the kind of movies he likes!!!) and it’s unbearably great

-they mean to watch the thin man movies (the ones with nick charles aka william powell aka the guy lemony and bea would both fuck if they had had the opportunity) over a series of weeks but wind up marathoning all six of them one night (and it takes all night)

-none of them can function the next day

-bertrand: I get it. i’d do it with nick charles, too.

-beatrice sings herself hoarse during a play rehearsal and can’t talk for a week

-she can’t sleep one night and lemony finds her in the kitchen and makes them both tea and they salute each other with the mugs

-bertrand takes up writing limericks and leaves them around the house and lemony finds one in the shower and slips from laughing so hard

-bertrand, in the hospital: I could’ve killed you with poetry

lemony: I mean, all things considered, it’s not the worst way to go. it’s better than next to a pile of books I was meaning to read, which I always thought to be much more likely. slipping in the shower because of a charming limerick about shoes? it’s not all that bad.

bertrand: I don’t know whether to take the compliment or be worried about how you’ve considered how you’re likely to die. please don’t die.

-beatrice shows up at the hospital and throws the stuffed animal from carnival night at lemony

lemony: oh, you didn’t have to give me your….ah….

bertrand: ….moose? have we guessed moose?

beatrice: the ears……….

-things get, better

-they take turns picking up the kids from school

-some kid: gee violet how come your mom lets you have two dads

violet: just lucky, I guess

-lemony helps beatrice rehearse her lines and they straight-up make out for an hour instead

-lemony and bertrand make dessert once a week and routinely end up covered in flour

-there is a household debate on ‘what species is the stuffed animal’ and ‘what are we going to name it,’ moderated by kit

-violet puts on a one-woman play that she and klaus wrote about hedy lamarr for her school’s talent show and receives a standing ovation

-lemony and bea and bertrand are in the front row and beatrice is full-on sobbing during the standing ovation

-they get bertrand a new record player for his birthday and all three of them dance to his records the whole night

-yes they ARE all falling in love with each other all over again it is very important to me that they’re all on the same page when they do that

-violet and klaus make bertrand a ‘best additional parent’ mug because they don’t quite know what to call him (they haven’t figured it out yet), like violet makes him a fucking mug in her glassblowing class (you ever seen someone glassblow a mug??? it’s great.) and klaus does this beautiful calligraphy label for it

-bertrand cries immediately, for the next hour of his life, and just carries it around because he doesn’t know where to put it

-beatrice: aww, that was so sweet of you two, to make – does that say ‘additional parent’

lemony: I believe it says ‘additional parent.’

violet: we did also consider ‘greatest poet’ but that had less of the feeling we wanted.

klaus: we do realize that ‘best’ is truly an unquantifiable concept, because there’s no one out there ranking parents, but we thought it was the most fitting.

it’s after that that they all decide to get married.

later on, sunny is born!! and she’s very upset she missed out on all these shenanigans.

[jacques comes back to find so many people in his brother’s house.

kit: well jacques, you really should be home more

lemony: yes, find a nice person

lemony: …...or two

kit: settle down, stop looking so surprised.

lemony: kit your daughter just leapt off the bookshelf and tackled my husband

kit: and am I surprised? no.]

[also jacques does not buy his sister a nice new set of engraved fountain pens.

kit: so did you get me a souvenir or not, jacques

jacques: souvenir? I thought you said

kit: JACQUES WE ARE ADULTS DON’T YOU DARE BEETHOVEN ME

jacques: edward lear

jacques: here’s this book of delightful nonsense poetry.

kit: how could you]

[while bea is pregnant with sunny –

bertrand: what about sunny?

lemony: bertrand baudelaire.

lemony: you come into my house.

lemony: you marry my wife.

beatrice, across the room: I married both of you???

lemony: and you have the audacity.

lemony: to suggest we name our daughter after our high school drama teacher.

bertrand: okay but your reaction isn’t necessarily a no]