#and the doctor just. fucking. TRYING to keep her safe and explain that to her

[gotyouanyway]

i’m 1/3 through the bodysnatchers and i’m finally starting to warm up to it.. idc much about the plot but the intrigue is getting intriguing and i really like what’s going on between the doctor and sam with him trying to protect her at every turn and her pushing back against it so hard

[brunchable]

We Can’t Be Friends || Doctor Strange x F!Reader.

Genre: Angst(?) || Song MV inspired

Pairings: Stephen Strange x F!Reader

Word Count: 5.2K

Quick Summary: Your relationship with Stephen Strange has been strained to the breaking point by his constant absences and mystical duties. Despite Stephen's attempts to mend your fractured bond, you decide to seek a more permanent solution.

A/N: Lisssteeen, this is not proof read lol. I haven't written in a while, I am feeling rusty so please be forgiving hehe. Every nice interactions are most valued <3

Stephen had been gone for a month for the third time, with no word, no warnings. You had spent countless nights worrying, wondering if he was safe, if he would ever return. And now, as the sparkle of the portal opened and caught your attention, Stephen stepped out, looking weary and worn from his latest mission.

You were waiting for him in the living room, feeling a mixture of anger and frustration, yet your expressions show otherwise. You had been rehearsing what you would say, but now that he was here, the words felt heavy on your tongue.

“You're back. Where in the seven hells have you been this time?” You began, your voice firm but calm, you had that motherly tone when a teen returns home from sneaking out.

“Seven hells pretty much sums it up… can we do this later? I just got back,” Stephen chuckled, rubbing his temples, the tone of your voice grating and adding up to his headache, “I’m exhausted.”

“No, I think we should address this, now,” You insisted, pointing to the ground for emphasis.

Stephen sighed, sensing the confrontation he so wanted to avoid. “Alright, I’m listening.”

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. “Stephen, you’ve been gone for a month. No warnings, no pass the message from Wong. . . What is going on?”

“Y/N, you know what my responsibilities are. The world needs me. I can’t just ignore that,” Stephen said defensively.

“A heads up would be nice. Like how you were before. It feels like I’m nothing more than a distraction to you,” You shot back, your eyes narrowing.

Stephen’s expression hardened with irritation. “You knew what you were getting into from the start. My work–my duty is important. Do I need to explain myself every single time?”

“Why are you so defensive? Is it wrong of me to at least know where you are? So I don't worry all the time? At least still show me that I matter to you. Right now, it feels like you and your missions are all that matter,” you replied, rolling your eyes. 

“This is ridiculous, Y/N. Clea and I are working to protect this world. It’s not like I’m off on a vacation. I’m trying to keep everyone safe, including you.”

It was impossible to overlook the single name that slipped from Stephen's lips. The air seemed to thicken even more with tension. Your face transformed dramatically; what had been a mask of frustration quickly crumbled, replaced by a deep, probing suspicion. Your eyes narrowed, searching Stephen's face for any hint of deceit, and your heart pounded in your chest, echoing the name that now hung heavily between you. 

“Who’s Clea?” you asked, making sure to stress the name you didn't want to say, your voice tinged of disdain.

“Fuck,” Stephen muttered under his breath. A wave of regret washed over him as he realized he should have told you who he was teaming up with sooner. He wondered why he had left out such an important detail, knowing it would have made a difference in your reaction. . . or make it worse?

“Clea is from the dark dimension, I have caused an incursion in reality and I had to go with her and fix it, okay?” Stephen explained it for what it is. . . to him at least.

“So, you were with her every time you vanished without a trace?” you replied, your voice dripping with sarcasm and a barely concealed resentment that felt like a knife twist in your chest.

“Like I said, I had to fix the incursion I caused,” he responded, his tone distant, as if the gravity of his words could shield him from the emotional storm brewing between you.

You stared at him, not caring what he even meant by 'incursion'. Your mind was a whirlwind, fixated on the crushing weight of this new revelation, which felt like an earthquake shattering the foundation of everything you thought you knew. 

The man who once made you feel safe and cherished now stood before you, a stranger entwined in secrets and sacrifices you couldn't begin to fathom.

Stephen ran a hand through his hair, clearly exasperated. “I don’t have time for this. If you can’t understand that my work is important, then maybe we do need to rethink this relationship.”

You were stunned into silence for a moment, the weight of his words hitting you like a physical blow. Your throat stings badly as you fight to prevent any tears from falling. “So, that’s it? You’re willing to throw everything away because I worry about you?”

“I’m not throwing anything away, Y/N. All I do is try to save the world. If you can’t see that, then maybe we need to reconsider,” Stephen replied coldly.

“Okay. . .so you find a new partner in crime and the first thing you could think of is to ‘reconsider’,” You nodded, a little laugh might've escaped from you and it triggered something in Stephen.

“Do you hear yourself? You’re acting like I’m choosing Clea over you. This isn’t some petty love triangle, Y/N. This is about life and death, about the safety of the entire world!” Stephen’s voice was now raised.

“Oh my god! Enough about saving the world already! You belong to the world! Alright, I get it! But don't expect me to be nonchalant when you've spent your time ‘saving the world’ with her. Meanwhile I rot in my apartment worried sick if you're even still alive because I only want to belong to you.” Your voice was sharp, cutting through the air, firmly jabbing his chest with your finger

Stephen clenched his fist tightly, the knuckles turning white, as he took a deliberate step closer. His presence loomed over you, casting a shadow that seemed to amplify the tension in the air, “You think it’s easy for me? You think I don’t miss you? I have responsibilities that go beyond us—" 

“If you're thinking I am asking you to abandon your responsibilities, I am not. I didn’t think you’d understand me.” You replied, striving to maintain your composure under his unwavering presence and the intense gaze fixated on your face.

Stephen shook his head, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. “I never hid what my life was about, but you knew what signed up for when you said yes to me.”

“I did but I didn't sign up to be treated like an afterthought,” Y/N said, your voice softening slightly but still firm.

Stephen sighed and was silent for a moment, “So, what then? What do you want me to do? It is so hard to find balance with all this shit happening around us.”

“I don't know. . . whatever I may want, it'll be impossible for you to do,” You said, your voice resigned as you crossed your arms, a gesture of both self-protection and defiance.

Stephen’s eyes narrowed. “And what’s your solution? To just walk away?”

“That was your suggestion first, wasn't it?” You responded, a low, mirthless chuckle escaping your lips. 

Stephen looked down, his silence speaking volumes. The decision crystallized in your mind. You turned away, grabbed your keys from the table, and headed toward the door, needing to cool off and get your head straight. The sound of the door closing behind you echoed through the Sanctum, a final punctuation to your heated exchange.

× × × × ×

You gripped the steering wheel tightly as you drove through the darkened streets of New York City. The familiar hum of the engine and the blur of passing lights did little to calm your racing heart. Your eyes were red from preventing a single tear to shed, but the tears came after being alone, blurring your vision and forcing you to blink them away repeatedly.

Your mind was a whirlwind of emotions—anger, sadness, confusion, and a deep, aching sense of betrayal. The argument with Stephen played on a relentless loop in your head, each word echoing with painful clarity.

"Maybe we do need to rethink this relationship."

"Maybe we shouldn’t be together."

You shook your head, trying to dispel the hurtful words, but they clung to you like a stubborn shadow. How did it come to this? How did your love, once so vibrant and full of promise, deteriorated into something so cold and distant?

Your thoughts drifted to the early days of your relationship. The way Stephen's eyes would light up when he saw you, the warmth of his touch, the way both of you would laugh and talk for hours about everything and nothing. You remembered the adventures you shared, the quiet moments of intimacy, and the feeling of safety and love that enveloped you whenever you were with him.

But those memories felt like they belonged to another life, another couple. Now, Stephen was always preoccupied, always focused on his missions with Clea. You couldn’t shake the feeling of being an afterthought, a secondary priority in his life. The loneliness you felt was suffocating, and tonight’s argument had only confirmed your deepest fears.

You pulled over to a quiet spot by the Hudson River, the soft glow of the city lights reflecting off the water. You turned off the engine and sat there in silence, the sound of your own breathing loud in the stillness of the night. 

You leaned your head back against the seat and closed your eyes, taking a deep, shuddering breath. You felt a crushing weight on your chest, the sense of impending loss almost too much to bear. You loved Stephen with all your heart, but you couldn’t keep living like this—constantly feeling like you were competing for his attention, always coming second to his duties as a sorcerer.

A part of you understood the importance of Stephen's work. You admired his dedication, his unwavering commitment to protecting the world from mystical threats. But at the same time, you couldn’t ignore your own needs, your own desire for a partner who was present, who made you feel valued and loved.

The idea asking Wong to use the Runes of Kof-Kol had come to you in a moment of clarity during your drive. It was a drastic measure, but it felt like the only way to save yourself from the inevitable heartbreak of this deteriorating relationship. If you both forgot each other, if you became strangers once more, maybe then you could find peace.

You opened your eyes and gazed out at the river, the dark waters flowing steadily under the moonlit sky. You felt a strange sense of calm wash over you as you made your decision. It wouldn’t be easy, and it would hurt like hell, but it was the only way you could move forward without the constant pain of their fractured love.

As you started the car and drove back towards the Sanctum, you knew what you had to do, and you hoped that in forgetting, you could both find a way to heal. The city lights blurred once more as fresh tears welled up in your eyes, but this time, they were tears of acceptance. You were ready to let go, ready to find yourself again, even if it meant losing the man you had loved with all your heart.

× × × ×

After driving aimlessly for hours, you finally pull up in front of the Sanctum Sanctorum. The building looms before you, its ancient architecture shrouded in an almost foreboding silence. You sit in the car for a few moments, gathering your strength, knowing the decision you have made is final. The city is quieter now, the hustle and bustle having died down to a gentle hum in the background.

You take a deep breath and step out of the car, your legs feeling like lead. You walk up to the front door and pause for a moment, your hand resting on the cold brass handle. Memories of happier times flash before your eyes—moments of laughter, love, and a bond that once felt unbreakable. But those memories are now overshadowed by the reality of your fractured relationship.

Pushing the door open, you step inside. The familiar scent of incense and ancient books fills your nostrils, but instead of comfort, it brings a pang of sadness. The Sanctum feels emptier than ever, a reflection of the void that has grown between you and Stephen.

As you walk into the living room, you see Stephen sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looks up as you enter, his eyes filled with the weariness which mirrors your own.

“Y/N, you're back,” Stephen says softly, standing up. “I was worried about you.”

You nod, your face devoid of emotion. “I needed some time to think.”

Stephen takes a few careful steps, “I know I haven’t been around much. And I know tonight's argument was... I didn’t handle it well. I’m sorry for that.”

You feel a flicker of acknowledgment at his words, you look into his eyes, the eyes you once found so much solace in, and feel a deep sense of finality, “I need to see Wong,” you say, your voice steady and cold, “Is he here?”

Stephen steps closer, his gaze searching your face for any hint of what you might be feeling. “Are you okay now? About earlier. . .”

“I'm fine, Stephen. Really,” you say with a forced smile. “I just need to speak to Wong.”

“Wong? Sure, I'll summon him for you.” Stephen's eyes narrow slightly, sensing something is off. He didn’t think he’d get out of trouble that easily.

A few moments later, Wong enters the room, his expression pondering about what you might need him for. “Y/N, Stephen said you wanted to speak with me. What’s going on?”

You took a deep breath and glanced at Stephen who remained curious about why you needed Wong.

“Are we able to chat somewhere private?” You asked, your eyes flickering towards Stephen which Wong took notice of.

Wong turned his head towards Stephen and then you, “Of course. Follow me.” He headed towards the door to Kamar-Taj. 

He led you to the empty library, ensuring no one else was around, and gestured for you to sit across the table from him.

“How can I help?” He asked.

“I hope this isn't too much to ask. . . but can you please cast the Runes of Kof-Kol on me?” 

Wong's expression shifts to one of alarm. “The Runes of Kof-Kol? Those spells are dangerous, Y/N. What could possibly make you consider using them?”

You explained the situation, trying your best to keep your voice from breaking, “Stephen and I... we’re not working anymore. It’s too painful. I need to forget him. I want to move on quickly. I don't want to spend months wallowing in heartbreak.”

Wong listens quietly, his expression softening with understanding. “I see. But you know the risks, don’t you? The Runes of Kof-Kol only erases memories, not feelings.”

“I know,” you say firmly.

Wong nods slowly, his gaze thoughtful. “I understand your pain, Y/N. But this is a decision that cannot be undone. I urge you to think about it very carefully. Take some time to reflect on whether this is truly what you want.”

You shake your head, your decision unwavering. “I've already thought about it, Wong. I’ve thought about nothing else. This is what needs to be done.”

Wong sighs, his expression resigned yet compassionate. “Still, I urge you to give it a few more days. I suggest you stay here at Kamar-Taj. Meditate, reflect, and if you still feel the same, we will discuss it again.”

You nod slowly, appreciating his concern. “Alright. I’ll stay and think about it.”

× × × × ×

After you left the library, Wong stood silently, his thoughts troubled by your request. He knew the depth of the pain you were feeling, but the Runes of Kof-Kol were not to be taken lightly. As he pondered the situation, he sensed a presence lingering near the bookshelves. Turning his head slightly, he caught sight of Stephen, partially hidden in the shadows, clearly eavesdropping.

“Strange,” Wong called out, his tone firm but not unkind. “You can come out. I know you've been listening.”

Stephen stepped out, a mixture of guilt and concern etched on his face. “I didn't mean to intrude. I just… needed to know what she was thinking.”

Wong crossed his arms, looking at Stephen with a mixture of disappointment and empathy. “You heard what she said. She's feeling hurt. . . more than I think you realize.”

Stephen sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. “I know. I know I've been neglecting her, but my responsibilities... the missions... They demand so much of me. I never wanted her to feel like this.”

Wong nodded, his expression softening slightly. “Your duties are important, Stephen. But so are your personal relationships. Y/N came to you because she believed in you, trusted you. But right now, she feels like she's lost in your shadow.”

Stephen's eyes glistened with unshed tears, a rare display of vulnerability. “I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her, but I also can't abandon my duties.”

Wong walked over to Stephen, placing a hand on his shoulder. “The balance between your responsibilities and personal life is delicate, but not impossible to achieve. You need to make her feel valued and prioritize your time better. She asked about the Runes of Kof-Kol, so she's considering erasing her memories of you. Right now, though, she needs space to think.”

Stephen's breath hitched, the gravity of Wong's words hitting him hard. “She wants to forget me completely.”

Wong nodded solemnly. “She believes it's the only way to move on from the pain. I advised her to stay here for a few days, to meditate and reflect before making such a drastic decision.”

“I can't let her do this. I need to talk to her, to make her understand that I can change, that I can be better.” Stephen closed his eyes, the weight of the situation pressing down on him. He was about to walk away to find you but Wong stopped him.

“Right now, she needs time. Barging in and trying to convince her otherwise might only push her further away. Give her the space she asked for. If she decides to go through with it, we'll deal with it then. But for now, respect her wishes.” Wong shook his head gently.

Stephen glanced in your direction with a sigh, shrugged off Wong's hand, and returned to the New York Sanctum. That night, sleep eluded him despite his restless tossing and turning. No position felt comfortable, not when your scent lingered on his pillowcases.

Anxiety ate him up, twisting his stomach into knots as he replayed the argument repeatedly in his mind. Each harsh word and dismissive gesture haunted him, intensifying his regret.

He had always prided himself on his composure and control, but now he felt them slipping away. The weight of his mistakes pressed heavily on his chest, making it difficult to breathe.

“I should have been more understanding, I should have put myself in her shoes,” he thought, his mind consumed by remorse.

The thought of your hurt expression cut him deeply, more than any physical pain he had ever endured. He realized how much he valued your presence, your support, and the warmth you brought into his life. The fear of losing you was a constant ache, gnawing at the edges of his consciousness.

He was ashamed of how he had dismissed your feelings, how he had let his pride overshadow the love and respect he had for you.

Desperation clawed at him as he searched for a way to make things right, to prove that he could be the partner you deserved. In the silence of the night, he vowed to himself that he would do better, that he would learn from his mistakes and show you how much you meant to him. That is if it’s not too late.

× × × × ×

Two days later, the peaceful atmosphere of Kamar-Taj had failed to ease the unrest in your heart. Despite your attempts at meditation and introspection, the serenity of the surroundings could not calm the storm of emotions within you. Your resolve remains the same. You knew what needed to be done, and it was time to inform Wong of your decision.

You found Wong in the courtyard, meticulously tending to a small garden. The scent of blooming flowers mixed with the crisp mountain air, creating a serene environment that contrasted sharply with your inner conflict.

“Wong,” you called softly, approaching him.

Wong looked up from his work, his expression calm but observant. “Y/N, have you made your decision?”

You nodded, taking a deep breath. “I have. I still want to use the Runes of Kof-Kol.”

Wong sighed, setting aside his tools. “I was hoping you might reconsider, but I respect your decision. . .” he trailed off, noticing Stephen walk towards you, “Give me a moment? I'll back.”

As Wong turned to leave, Stephen entered the courtyard with his presence of authority. He had been waiting for this moment, fully aware that your decision was imminent.

With careful, deliberate steps, he approached you. The air was thick with unspoken emotions, and each passing second felt like an eternity as he stood there gathering the right words to say.

“Y/N,” Stephen began, his voice calm but carrying a hint of vulnerability, his eyes intensely scanning your face for any hint of doubt or hesitation. “Is this truly what you want?”

You jumped slightly, startled by his sudden appearance behind you. “Stephen,” you exclaimed, “What are you doing here?”

“I came to—I just wanted to apologize... that it has led to this. I was wrong…” Stephen began, but his voice seemed to fade into the background as you stared at his face intently, trying to memorize every detail.

As Stephen spoke, the reality of the moment hit you hard. You felt an overwhelming need to imprint his features in your memory: the way his brow furrowed with concern, the earnestness in his eyes, and the subtle lines that hinted at the weight he carried.

Time seemed to slow down, and every second stretched into an eternity. You noticed the slight quiver of his lips, the way his hair framed his face, and even the small scar on his cheek that you had always found endearing.

Your heart ached with the knowledge that this might be the last time you saw him like this, so close and vulnerable. Each detail became precious, a fragment of a moment you desperately wanted to hold onto.

The intensity of your emotions made it hard to breathe, and you felt a lump forming in your throat. Even though Stephen's voice was a distant echo, the look in his eyes told you everything—you were both struggling with the same pain, the pain of letting this story die. 

“. . . I love you, Y/N—but if this will save you from the hurt I’ve caused you then so be it. I will cast the spell on you.”

You were taken aback, surprise flickering across your face. “You would do that?”

Stephen stepped closer, his eyes earnest. “Yes. If this is what it takes for you to find peace, then I’ll do it.”

Stephen leads you back in the New York Sanctum, heading towards the ritual chamber in the Undercroft. Each step you took echoed with the weight of what was about to happen. Stephen’s mind was a whirlwind of memories and emotions.

He glanced at you walking beside him, your face a mask of calm determination. Opposite to the storm he knew must be raging inside you. He wished he could reach out, take your hand, and pull you back from the edge of this irreversible decision. But he knew he had no right to, not after everything.

As you descended the final set of steps into the Undercroft, Stephen’s heart ached with regret. He had always prided himself on his ability to solve problems, to find solutions where others saw only obstacles. But here, in this most personal of battles, he had failed. He had failed to protect what mattered most.

Every step felt heavier than the last. Stephen’s mind raced with unspoken words, a torrent of emotions he struggled to contain.

He remembered the early days of your relationship, the way your laughter had filled the Sanctum with warmth, the quiet moments of understanding, and shared dreams. Those memories now felt like shards of glass, cutting into him with each step he took.

He glanced at you again, your determined stride a painful reminder of the distance that had grown between you. He wanted to tell you how much he loved you, how sorry he was for every time he had put his duties before you, for every missed moment, every broken promise. But he knew that words would not change the course you had set for yourself. Actions had spoken louder, and they had driven you to this point.

You reached the entrance to the ritual chamber, Stephen paused, taking a deep breath. The room beyond was prepared, the symbols drawn, the components ready. It was a place of power, of ancient magic, but today it felt like a tomb for the love you had shared.

“Y/N,” Stephen began, his voice soft but heavy with regret. “I want you to know that this isn’t easy for me. I never wanted to hurt you. If I could turn back time and make different choices, I would. But I respect your decision. I hope you find the peace you’re looking for.”

You looked at him with eyes glistening of unshed tears, “Thank you, Stephen. . . I hope you find happiness, I really do.”

With that, you stepped into the center of the circle, and Stephen moved to the edge, his heart pounding in his chest. He began to chant the incantation, his voice strong and unwavering despite the storm of emotions inside him. The symbols around you began to glow, the magic swirling in the air like a tangible presence. You felt a strange sensation, a mix of warmth and cold as the spell took hold.

As Stephen chanted, your mind drifted to the memories you were about to lose. The first time you met flashed vividly in your mind—the way Stephen had looked at you with those piercing blue eyes that seemed to see right through you. You remembered feeling an instant connection, a spark that ignited something deep within you. You had been fascinated by his intellect, his confidence, and the way he carried himself with such purpose.

The mornings you woke up wrapped in each other’s arms, sunlight streaming through the curtains, casting a warm glow on your intertwined bodies. The way he would brush a strand of hair from your face and kiss your forehead, making you feel like the most cherished person in the world. You remembered the laughter, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, the sound of his voice when he whispered sweet nothings into your ear.

As the incantation reached its peak, a bright light enveloped you, and you felt a sudden rush of memories and emotions being pulled away. The love, the pain, the shared moments—all of it faded into a distant, forgotten dream. Your vision blurred, the light intensifying until it was all-consuming.

Then, everything went dark. You felt your knees give way, the world tilting as you lost consciousness. The last thing you heard was Stephen’s voice, calling your name out of concern as you slipped into oblivion.

When you finally stirred, you found yourself lying on the familiar softness of your own bed, the morning light filtering through the curtains. The familiar hum of the city outside your window grounded you, your arms reaching on the other side of the bed and it was empty. You shook it off, chuckling to yourself.

You sat up slowly, looking around your apartment. Everything was in its place—the books on the shelf, the photos on the wall—now mostly of you by yourself, the cozy blanket draped over the armchair. Nothing out of the ordinary and yet you feel disorientated.

You made yourself a cup of tea, the warm liquid offering a small comfort. As you sipped it, you stared out of the window at the bustling city below. The people, the cars, the rhythm of daily life—it all seemed so normal, so unremarkable. Yet, there was an inexplicable void within you, a sadness that lingered just beneath the surface but you try not to dwell on it.

Days turned into weeks, and while the feeling of emptiness persisted, you found ways to move on. You immersed yourself in work, reconnected with old friends, and took up new hobbies. Slowly, you began to carve out a new life for yourself, one that was no longer defined by the shadows of forgotten memories.

× × × × ×

Stephen sat alone in the Sanctum Sanctorum's library, the flickering candlelight casting long shadows on the ancient tomes that lined the walls. The room, once a place of solace and knowledge, now felt suffocatingly empty. He absentmindedly traced the spine of a book he had read countless times, but the words blurred together, unable to hold his attention. His mind was elsewhere, lost in thoughts of you.

He stood up and walked to the window, looking out over the city. The lights twinkled in the distance, a stark contrast to the darkness he felt inside. He remembered how you used to stand there with him, your hand in his, both of you silently watching the world below. Those moments had been a rare reprieve from his responsibilities, a time when he could just be Stephen, not the Master of the New York Sanctum.

The silence of the Sanctum was interrupted only by the distant hum of the city's nightlife, but it felt louder than ever. Every corner of the room seemed to echo with memories of you—the laughter you shared, the quiet conversations late into the night, the way you used to tease him about his incessant need to organize his magical artifacts. Now, those echoes were all he had left, but he guesses that he at least deserved to go through this heartbreak alone.

Wong quietly stood with him, the silence heavy between them. After a moment, he cleared his throat, “Keeping yourself busy?”

Stephen nodded, his response short and clipped. “Yep.”

“She did brighten up the place, didn't she?” Wong glanced around the room, taking in the emptiness that seemed more pronounced now. 

Stephen's eyes followed Wong's gaze, a hint of a sad smile touching his lips. “Yep.”

Wong shifted slightly, turning his head to look at Stephen with curiosity and concern. "So, what's next for you?"

Stephen sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly as he contemplated the question. The thought of waiting was both a comfort and a torment, a reminder of what he had lost and what he still yearned for.

“I don't know... Wait for her, I guess. Wait until our paths cross again, wait until she loves me again.”

TAGS: @goldencherriess @strangeions @sobeautifullyobsessed

[isuckatwritingsobenice]

hi, could you mayhaps, possibly, do a vox x sick reader? Genderneatral or fem is fine! Like- how would he take care of the reader and what not? Feel free to not do this request, please remember to take breaks and drink water! ^^

A/N: After watching the first four episodes, I have a growing love for Vox, but I’ll always be team Alastor. Regardless, I love this idea with him. I don’t write for Vox often so I hope this was okay!!

Warnings: mentions of death, violence and drugs

Navigation!! // Masterlist!!

Sickness and Health

Vox is a very caring lover. That being said, he also hates dealing with you when you’re sick. Don’t get him wrong, of course he wants you to get better. But managing the other V’s and also having to control the city’s technology and news segments, he’s a bit stressed

Regardless, he makes sure you’re taken care of before he runs off to do his errands

He has the best nurses hell can offer, gives them strict orders to not leave your side and to give you whatever you want

He’ll check in a lot, despite saying he had ‘free time’ to check up on you

“So you have free time every thirty minutes.”

“Pft, it hasn’t been thirty minutes.”

He’ll interrupt your scrolling through whatever social media app you’re on just to talk to you

“Can you fucking believe Val? Piece of shit, trying to ruin our image for one of his whores.” Vox complains, and you just snicker, nose stuffy.

“Well he is your colleague, shouldn’t you have more control over that?” You tease. Vox rolls his eyes and side eyes you from his chair.

“You’re lucky you’re sick or I would’ve given you a shitty reply.” He scoffs, and you just snicker before hanging up.

When he comes back from work he’ll have the staff stand while he asks you how each of them did throughout the day, and if one fails to meet his expectations, or you had to wait a little too long to get some tea you wanted, they’re getting shot right then and there

“I can’t keep them around if they don’t do well enough doll.” Vox explains if you ever get upset with him for it. He never kills off a staff member you like, like your personal nurse, Barbra. She’s so sweet and you always have nothing but good things to say about her, so she’s the longest nurse you’ve ever had.

If he ever feels like you’re too sick to be treated by your regular staff, he calls the best of the best doctors and sits with you all day while they examine and test you. Like if you get a really bad fever, and it just is too out of control.

Vox will never to go Val for medication for you. Val is extremely jealous of you, and Vox doesn’t trust him to not give you the wrong drug on purpose.

“I could always help them feel better you know~” Val would say if he ever heard Vox stressed about your health

“Yeah fucking right.” Vox would say back. Val would just scoff and throw his glass at a wall.

“I’ll kill their whole god damn family!”

It’s safe to say you keep your distance from Val…

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Another hear me out: ii is sick and iii and gf reader (ves and ivy are busy idk dun ask me) head out to get meds and stuff for our poor boy but they get surprised by a huge storm and long story short iii offered her his coat like the gentleman he is and as they return ii sees his precious sweet little gf drenched and in another mans coat 👁️👁️✨

Grumpy sick boy

“Hey, are you busy?”, you had managed to slip out into the kitchen after bickering with ii for the past twenty minutes. His coughs rang through the apartment. “Not really what’s up”, iii voice fills your ears. “Dragged him to the doctors finally”, you sigh, “he has an infection that needs antibiotics”. “Shit”, you can hear him moving around in his apartment. “Yeah and I don’t have a way to get there”, you say quietly feeling so silly even bringing it up. Knowing that you could drive it’s just that stupid fear of doing it that paralyzed you every time. “I’ll be at yours in 15, I’ll get you there”, iii reassures you. “You sure?”, you ask once more just in case. “Yeah, my man is sick, got to make sure you both are okay”, you hear the sound of keys jingle and the weight instantly drops from your shoulders. “You’re the best”, you mutter before hanging up.

A grumpy ii is staring at you both from the sofa where he had been trying to prove that he wasn’t half as sick as he was. “You look like a Victorian child dying”, iii snorted waiting for you to pick up everything that you needed. “Fuck you”, ii grunted coughing into his fist. “You wouldn’t have enough energy for that little guy”, iii snorted, making you shake your head. ii flipped him off. “You try to sleep”, you brush your fingers over ii’s damp forehead, concern written all over your face, “we won’t take long”, squeezing your boyfriend’s hand you quickly stand up. You’re almost out the door when ii’s voice rings through the hallway. “iii”, his tone is serious and iii instantly turns towards him, “You get her home safely man”. He just gives ii a knowing smile, “Precious cargo, trust me I’m aware”.

ii was genuinely a calm man. On paper. If you squint… but once the rain started twenty minutes after you two had left he had dragged himself up from the sofa and towards the window. He trusted you both and iii was the best driver out of all of them but it still didn’t ease his nerves. Not until he saw the familiar car pulling up. Turning towards the door immediately. His stomach dropped slightly at the sound of you both laughing in the hallway. But nothing prepared him for the blow of seeing you two drenched, the white dress you had on clinging to your skin. He could see your underwear from where he was standing. And the jacket. The jacket iii had was now clinging to your skin.

“Jesus you look fucking batshit crazy”, iii chuckled. Making you turn towards the hallway. “ii, you need to be in bed, darling”, you shook your head, kicking your shoes off. But his eyes were burning holes in iii’s face. “we got caught in the rain”, he explained. “I can fucking tell”, ii crossed his arms over his chest. The sight of your rosy cheeks, hair sticking to your face, the fucking dress… it was driving him insane. “We had a bit of a nip situation…”, “If you finish that sentence…”, ii grunted. “Darling, he was being a gentleman, and saved me from flashing the whole street”, you said softly. “Go change please”, he turned to you, pleading eyes looking at you. “And you, never even think about her… anything”, ii pointed a warning finger at iii. “Mate, I adore your girl but trust me all I care about is keeping you both alive”, iii snorted. You moved to take off his jacket but iii quickly stopped you, “Keep it on in case I see that black thong and then…”, “iii”, ii whisper shouted making you chuckle as you shook your head. “Very nice, thong, yn darling”, he blows you a kiss, before moving for the door. “I will stab you with a drumstick you dick”, ii hissed pulling you behind him. “Drive save, silly goose”, you waved iii off, cackling. “Don’t encourage him”, ii whined, “You need to learn to pick your battles”, you tapped his chest, “Off to bed you go”, “hold up are you on his fucking side here?”, ii grunts, sinking into the sofa frowning making you let out yet another laugh as you pulled his medicine onto the counter.

[bteezxyewriter12]

How I See You/ 2

Pairing- Yoongi x Named Reader

Word count- 5.3k

Includes- Angst, marking, fingering, oral, pussy eating, cum swallowing, missionary sex, love making, squirting, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @seokwoosmole @meowmeowminnie @realisticnotes @effielumiere @svnbangtansworld @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @marvelfamily3000

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝BTS Masterlist 📝Yoongi Masterlist

Two days later

Yoongi POV

Standing in front of her apartment door, I breathe in then ring the bell, hoping she won't slam the door in my face when she sees it's me

She should

I let her get hurt, I let Mia scream at her, say those things to her, threaten her

I didn't check to see if she was ok

I know she was bleeding but I didn't do anything but hold Mia back

I let her get in her car and drive away, not knowing if she was in any condition to drive

I'm a horrible person

So if she tells me to fuck off, I deserve it

The lock turning takes me out of my thoughts and I hold my breath, so scared

The door opens and she's there, looking at me in bewilderment

"Yoongi?", she asks, sticking her head out and looking in the hallway, "Is uh...is Mia here?"

I shake my head, whispering, "No Jo"

I'm trying hard not to break down as I look at her

Her left eye is black and blue and she has a huge bandage on her right temple

This is my fault

She was hurt because of me

Because I just left her that night we were together, because I avoided her calls, her texts

If I just answered her she wouldn't have come to my house and she wouldn't be hurt

"Uh Yoongi? What...uh...do you need something?"

"Can I come in?", I ask

Hesitation fills her face, "I uh...I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want Mia coming after me. I'm not really able to fight right now"

I shake my head, "I'm not with Mia anymore"

"Huh?"

"I broke up with Mia. She'll never hurt you again. I swear"

She blinks, "You broke up...why?"

"I..I can explain. Can I come in?", I ask again

"Uh, yeah, ok", she nods, stepping back, letting me in

She closes the door then I follow her to the couch where it looks like she was laying with the blankets and pillows

She sits, turning the TV off as I sit next to her

"Vegging on the couch?", I ask

"Oh yeah", she nods, "I wasn't feeling too good after Mia...I went to the doctor. He told me I had a mild concussion and I should rest for a few days"

"A concussion?", I gasp

She was hurt worse than I thought

"Just a baby one. It's not a big deal. I'm fine. Just need to take Tylenol for the headache, keep the lights dim", she says, looking anywhere but at me, "And I get a few days off of work so that's always a plus"

"I'm sorry", I whisper, hating myself for letting her get hurt

She's my best friend, I've always kept her safe and I failed her

"It's not your fault Yoongi"

"Yes-"

"No, it's really not. You couldn't have known that Mia would hit me. Or that I'd fall down the stairs. You didn't even know I was coming", she insists, "It's not your fault and I don't blame you so don't blame yourself"

"I don't think I can not blame myself", I tell her

"Well...stop it", she says

"I'll try"

She nods, an awkward silence that was never between us before rising

"So uh....you broke up with Mia?", she asks

"Yes"

"Why?"

"She hurt you Jo. She hit you, she yelled at you, called you horrible names", I say in surprise, "She threatened you to keep you away from me"

She couldn't think I would stay with someone like that

With someone who hurt her?

"Yeah but...you...you didn't say anything", she says quietly, "You didn't tell her to stop or argue with her. I assumed you.... agreed with her"

I look at her, horrified that she thinks I would actually agree with her staying away from me

"No Jo! Of course I didn't agree with her!", I say adamantly, "Everything was happening so fast and I was trying to make sure she couldn't get around me to get to you. When I turned around, you were running away"

She shakes her head, "Ok but that's something that you could of forgiven her for. After all you did cheat on her, she was hurt and she just reacted. I can say I wouldn't have flown off the handle either"

"You would never hit someone", I point out

She shrugs, "I'm not a fighter"

Yeah she is, just not in the physical way

"So that's it? You didn't even talk to her about what she did? You didn't try to make it work?"

I take a breath, psyching myself up to tell her the real reason why I broke up with Mia

"Jo, what happened with Mia...her hitting you...that was just the last reason I broke up with her", I tell her, "The truth is when you came to my house, I had already broken up with her. That day"

"Wait what? Really?"

I nod, "About an hour before you showed up, I told her about me and you. That we slept together. And that it wasn't working out with me and her, that I didn't want to be with her and we should break up. She was screaming at me for forty five minutes when you came"

She looks at me so confused, "Uh ok. I still don't get it though. Why were you breaking up with her at all? You didn't tell her you cheated on her all this time so why tell her at all? And from what she was yelling at me, it seems like she was going to forgive you and stay with you"

She was but I didn't want that

It was over a long time ago with Mia

Her flirting was getting to me and I tolerated it for as long as I could

She convinced me that she was as good as I would ever get, it was just flirting and if I complained about it she would do it more

That's not what a relationship should be

And that night with my best friend opened my eyes

"She would have forgiven me, if I wanted to stay with her"

"So why didn't you?", she asks

Facing her, her beautiful dark brown eyes lock on mine and I lean forward, pressing my lips to hers

Fire races in every nerve in my body, the world falling away until it's just her

Just like it did the first time I kissed her

She kisses me back for a second before pulling away, shock in her eyes

"I broke up with her because I want you", I confess, "I love you"

Her eyes widen as her mouth parts slightly in surprise, "What?"

"I...I don't know Jo, it's like that one night just opened my eyes", I tell her, "I had...been feeling....jealous, I guess, of the guys you went out with. And the day Hongjoong came to the bar with us? I was so annoyed he was there. I was infuriated every time I thought about you sleeping with him that night because I knew you were going to. I didn't even care that Mia was flirting with him"

"I...what?", she says, her mouth hanging open and it's so fucking cute

A cute little fish

"I convinced myself I was angry about you sleeping with him because he was your ex and I didn't want him to hurt you"

"That...wasn't the reason?"

I shake my head, "No. After we...I knew it was because I had feelings for you. Because I'm in love with you"

She gapes at me, "But you stayed away from me for over a month! You ignored all my calls, all my texts. I thought you wanted to end our friendship"

I shake my head, "I...I was scared ok? That night with you....it was the best night I ever had. The things you said about me...the way I just wanted you the entire time...the way you wanted me, it freaked me out. I didn't know if you really felt anything for me and I wasn't sure if I should take the risk to see if you did. I didn't want to mess up our friendship. The entire time I was away from you, I was trying to figure out what to do"

"I...I had no idea. I thought you regretted it", she says softly

"Never. I never did. I was just-"

"Freaking out?", she says, smiling softly

I nod, "Yeah. But I missed you so much, I just wanted to be near you and I couldn't deny it or try to talk myself out of it anymore. I called Mia to come over and I broke up with her. You coming over that day was pure fucking coincidence"

I couldn't believe it when the door opened and she was there

I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me

Until Mia hit her and I saw her fall

Then I realized that she was really there and I had to keep Mia from hurting her more

"I knew you were hurt Jo and I wanted to come here right away but I was worried you blamed me. I didn't know if you wanted to see me or not, so I decided to give you a few days", I explain, "But I'm going crazy without you. I was so stupid, so blind, I didn't see that my perfect girl was right in front of my face"

"Perfect?", she whispers, blushing

I nod, "Perfect. You're perfect Jo. Everything I could ever want in a girl and so much more. More than I deserve"

She shakes her head, "You deserve everything Yoongi. You're worth everything and anything. I told you that"

I nod

She did

That and so many more things I didn't think anyone saw in me

But she does

Taking her hand, I hold on tightly, "Jo, if you let me, I swear I will never let you get hurt again. I swear I will protect you. I swear I'll show you everyday how much I love you. How much I want you. How much you mean to me. Because you mean everything to me"

She smiles softly, tilting her head as she looks at me, teasing me, "Yeah I think I can let you do that"

A huge smile bursts on my face as I realize she said yes

She's mine

"I love you Yoongi", she says, those words sending my heart into overdrive, "I always have and I promise I'll show you how much you mean to me too. You're the only one I ever wanted"

"You have me jagi", I assure her, "All of me"

Pulling her to me, I kiss her again, happiness taking over as electricity runs up my spine

Her arms move around my neck and it feels like I'm home

Getting her in my lap, I stand up to make my way to her room

Her lips leave mine, pressing kisses into my neck, right into the spots that feel fucking amazing

I make it to her room, getting us on the bed

We fumble with our clothes, pulling them off and tossing them all over the room

I don't care what is ripped, where it lands as long as it's off her

When we're both naked, I sit up, looking down at her in awe

She is so fucking gorgeous and I don't know how I didn't see it before

How I was so fucking blind

Not only is her face stunning, her body is gorgeous and her personality is perfect

She's perfect

I run my hands on her body, my fingers tracing the sternum tattoo she has

When I first saw her naked last time, I had no idea she had tattoos too

She has none that are visible but under her clothes she has a lot

Her sternum, her ribs, her stomach, her thighs, her back

So many vibrant colors, so many lines for me to trace and kiss

And I will do that but right now I just want to be with her

She's mine now, I have so much time to study each tattoo she has

"You're so beautiful", I tell her, lifting my eyes to hers

Her cheeks redden as she looks at me shyly

I've never seen her look shy before and I fucking love it

Leaning over her, I kiss her soft sweet lips, a soft sigh coming from her

Smiling against her lips, I kiss her, then move my lips to her neck

"Yoongi", she moans when I kiss a spot in the crook of her neck, "Don't stop"

I kiss that spot, licking her skin then sucking slightly before letting go

"No, please more"

"It'll leave hickies", I tell her

Not that I would mind covering her in hickies but I don't know if she's want that

"Leave them", she says, surprising me, "Want them. Please"

I just nod, going back to sucking on her skin

I slide my hand down her body slowly, feeling her skin tremble

I like that a lot

Moving my lips to a different spot on her neck, I suck again as my hand moves to her pussy, feeling how wet she is

My god, she's soaked

"So wet for me baby", I murmur, leaving another hickie a few centimeters away from the last one, "I make you like this?"

She nods, whimpering, "Yes. Always Yoongi. It was always you. Always you"

I'm so happy to hear that and also so surprised that I didn't see her feelings for so long

Such an idiot

I could of had her all this time

I could of been happy all this time

But now I will be

Better late than never

"I love you", I whisper into her skin, now leaving hickies across her collarbone

"I love you Yoongi", she moans

God, I can never get enough of hearing that

Kissing further down her chest, I suck on her skin as I slowly push two fingers in her cunt

I feel her pussy suck my fingers in, clenching so tightly, a loud moan coming from those gorgeous lips

Kissing and sucking on the skin of her boob, I move my fingers, pulling them out then shoving them back in

"Yoongi!", she cries, her body shivering as I start finger fucking her pretty cunt

Her pussy waters my hand, making a loud wet sound as she takes my fingers

I move my thumb to her clit, rubbing quickly as I bite down on her boob

She cries out in pleasure, her hand snaking into my hair and tugging hard

Burying my fingers inside, I press hard on her spot, her body arching and shaking, calling my name loudly

"There Yoongi! Please!"

"Of course jagi. Anything for my baby"

Massaging her spot, I play with her clit at the same time, moving my mouth around her nipple and sucking softly

Her hips move, meeting my fingers, making them slide in deeper and hitting her spot with every wet thrust

Her little clit throbs under my thumb and I can't fucking wait to have it in my mouth

I've been craving her since the last time, desperately wanting to taste her again

Switching to her other nipple, I play and nibble on it, adding another finger, her hole stretching to make room

"Good girl", I murmur when she moans and her cunt clenches around my fingers so hard, "Gonna clench like that around my cock?"

"Yes!", she cries, her body shaking as she cums, squirting all over my hand, "Yes, yes, yes, Yoongi!"

I keep moving my hand through her orgasm until she finishes

Letting go of her nipple, I lift my head, satisfaction in her gaze

She lifts her head, her mouth against mine in a hot kiss, her tongue already down my throat

And I answer in kind, my tongue against hers

She holds me close to her, her fingers bunching in my hair and I can feel how much she wants me

Like I can touch her desire for me

It's something I haven't felt from anyone in a long time and I'm so grateful I'm feeling it from her

From the girl I love

Pulling gently away, I smile, kiss her cheek, then starting from her neck, I slowly lick down her body

"Fuck, Yoongi", she murmurs, her skin trembling under my tongue, her sweat tasting so good

I reach her open legs and immediately lick along her pussy so softly it's like I'm not even touching her

Her thighs quiver around my head as I run the tip of my tongue in barely there licks

"Yoongi", she whimpers, goosebumps rising on her thighs under my hands

I move my tongue along her slit, the tip opening her swollen pussy lips, tasting her juice

So good

Dropping my tongue down, I circle her hole, feeling her pussy try to pull my tongue in

Giving in, I sink my tongue inside her, moaning as she clenches hard around me, her juice rushing into my mouth

I swallow, pulling my tongue out, then moving back in slowly, feeling her cunt throb

Each pulse is going straight to my incredibly hard cock

Swiping my tongue up, I lick her clit, a loud moan escaping her, her hand plunging in my hair, holding my head on her

I get the hint and lavish her throbbing clit with lick after lick

Her hips move, grinding her pussy against my face, soaking me so much it's running down my neck

And I just revel in it, sliding my tongue down and burying my face in her pussy

"Yoongi", she cries, her back arching as I continue to pleasure her

I could literally stay in between her legs for hours

And now that she's mine I can

"Baby", I murmur, rubbing the tip of my tongue against her clit again, "Wanna taste your cream"

"Fuck", she whimpers

"Please jagi", I ask, sucking on her clit, feeling it throb against my lips, sending pleasure down my spine, "Want you to cum in my mouth"

Speeding up my mouth, I tug on her bump harder and faster, her entire body shaking on the bed

She's close and I'm so excited

Giving her a long suck, she screams my name, her hips snapping in my face as she cums

I immediately drop my tongue down, into her hole, feeling her pussy cum all over it

I moan loudly, the pulses feeling so fucking good, her sweet sweet cream filling my mouth and I swallow eagerly

"So good jagi", I moan, between swallows, "So fucking good"

When she finishes, I continue to lick her cunt, making sure I get every last drop

Then I press kiss after kiss up her body, her skin jumping against my lips

Getting to her lips, I kiss her, moving on top of her, her legs wrapping around me

I sink my aching cock into her pussy, moaning from the relief I feel, her cunt opening slightly for me to slide in then latching on tightly

"Oh god", I whimper against her lips, "So good. Fuck so good"

The pleasure of just getting inside her is intense, just washing over every inch of my body

Sitting up, I open her legs wide and watch her cunt take my cock, her tiny hole splitting open so wide as I bottom out

"Fuck, Yoongi", she whimpers

"Feels good?", I ask, my breathing increasing

"Yes, fuck yes, so good", she cries

"Fuck, you don't know how much I wanted to see this pussy wrapped around my cock again", I murmur, loving how good we look together, "How much I wanted to be back inside you. Feel your kisses, your arms around me, your skin against mine. You were all I thought about this entire time we were apart"

"You were all I thought about too Yoongi. I just wanted you. I always wanted you"

Now I know

I had no idea before but now I know

And I'm completely hers

"I'm yours now jagi", I assure her, "You can have me anytime you want. I promise"

"You can have me too naekkeo", she whispers, a huge smile bursting on my face from the pet name

"I want you now jagi", I tell her

"I want you now too Yoongi"

I nod, pushing her legs to her chest, I pull my cock out of her warm pussy, then burying back inside in one shot

That one move snaps something inside me and I start moving fast and hard

She screams my name, her pussy so pretty on my cock

Her swollen pussy lips petaling open, her little clit throbbing, her cunt soaking me thoroughly

Her clenching around my cock is so tight, the bliss increasing with each thrust into her

I'm sweating so much and I push my hair back off my face

I swear I've never been as sweaty during sex as I've been with her

She just unleashes something in me, a desire for her that I've never felt before

I need her

I need to be with her

I ram my cock deep into her, making sure I hit her spot, listening to her yell for me to go harder

Which I do

The sound of our skin hitting each other gets louder the faster I move, her cunt creaming my cock like a fountain with each hit to her spot

Just coat after coat of pretty cream, a thick ring of it forming around the base of my dick

Such a fucking pretty sight that I know I'm going to want to keep seeing again and again

Everyday

"Your pussy looks so pretty creaming my cock like this", I murmur, watching her hole strain around my thick base

"Yoongi", she cries

God, her screams of my name are so fucking beautiful

I'm not used to having my name screamed

Ever

Mia never did it

And the first time Joanne screamed my name when she came, I was floored

But then she did it again

And again

And I will do anything to hear that

To hear her scream, whimper, whine, whisper my name

During sex and outside of sex

Just hearing her say my name, in her gorgeous voice, fuck I love it

I crave it

Her body arches and move my arm around her, holding her against me, ploughing her into the bed

Her eyes are watery, some tears falling down her face as she looks at me with completely fucked out eyes

I smirk, increasing my movements, feeling her cunt strangle my cock

"Cum for me jagi", I tell her, pounding her tiny pussy, splitting her on my dick, "Want to feel you fall apart on my cock again"

She whimpers, her fingers twisting in the sheets so hard, her body quaking with each thrust

"God baby, I crave it", I egg her on, "The whole month I just wanted to feel you cum all over my cock. Squeeze my dick so tightly as you throb and completely soak me"

"Oh god, baby", she moans, so close

"Can you give it to me?", I ask, "Please, give it to me"

I want it right now

Burying deep into her, her body squirms as she cums, her pussy clamping and choking on my cock

"Yoongi!", she screams, her pussy gushing cream, utter pleasure hitting me hard

I choke back a yell, pushing back my orgasm and just feel the intense pleasure

I can't, it feels too fucking good

I feel her hands grabbing at my arms and I let go of her legs

She pulls me down on top of her, her lips crashing against mine, kissing me desperately

Her hips start moving, grinding on my cock, her small hands on my back, clinging onto me

I meet her small thrusts, slipping in deeper, loving the way she takes my cock so easily

Her hands slide slowly up and down my back as we move together, her fingers leaving a trail of fire in every single molecule of my body

I run my hand up her body, her skin trembling under each of my fingertips

I move my kisses to her neck, loving the soft moans coming from her

Lifting my head, I watch her in pleasure, watching the way her body shakes for me, the light sheen of sweat on her body, her hair wet with it

She's so fucking beautiful, so ethereal, like an angel

She is

My angel

"So beautiful", I tell her, her eyes moving to mine, "You're so beautiful Jo. My beautiful jagi"

She smiles her gorgeous smile, my heart racing, the breath leaving my lungs

"I love you Yoongi"

"I love you Joanne. So fucking much"

She nods, "So much naekkeo"

She kisses me passionately, her hands moving around my neck, her fingers burying in my hair

As I kiss her, I move up a little, my arm sliding around her, pulling her up with me, keeping her right against me, skin against skin, my lips and tongue locked onto hers

I slam my other hand on the bed, holding us up as I roll my hips slowly, burying my cock inside her again and again

I can feel every inch of her pussy open for me, feel every drop of cream on my cock, feel every suck of my cock as she tugs me inside, every spasm

I feel every move her fingers make in my hair, every press of her lips, her tongue against mine, every bead of sweat mixing with mine

All my senses are tuned into her

After a few more strokes, she orgasms, her pussy fluttering around my dick, utterly wetting me

"Yoongi", she whimpers, leaning her forehead against mine, her breath against my lips

I let the ecstacy run over me and I bury inside her, my cock throbbing as I release in her pussy

"Joanne", I whimper, the pleasure so fucking phenomenal, I can't stop the shaking my body is doing, "Jagi, fuck, so good"

"Mmm so good", she confirms, then presses a soft kiss to my lips

I kiss her back as I finish, just wanting her lips, her body against mine

Pulling out, we lay down, cuddling into each other, kissing as if we're never going to stop

And the best part?

We don't

--------------------------------

One month later

J POV

"I'll get the drinks naekkeo", I tell him

"You sure? I can do it", he says

"Oh stop baby", I say, leaning over and kissing his cheek, "I'll be right back"

"Ok jagi", he grins at me

Kissing his soft lips again, I get up and make my way to the bar

Yoongi and I decided to go out tonight, to the same bar we came to with Hongjoong and Mia

This place had bad memories with Mia's flirting and Yoongi's jealousy of Hongjoong and we decided to come here together to make happier memories

It's working as we're having a really good time

Just hanging out in a booth, sipping drinks, snacking and being together

I get to the bar and order our drinks

Yoongi and I have gone from best friends to boyfriend and girlfriend seamlessly

After all we're basically doing the same things we've done before except now we're together all the time and we've added kisses, cuddles and hand holding

And sex

Lots and lots of sex

I'm watching the bartender make Yoongi's drink when I hear, "Hey", next to me

I turn to find the man who was flirting with Mia next to me

Jae

Grinning a stupid goofy smile

I roll my eyes, then look away from him

"I know you", he says, "You're the girl who told me to fuck off when I was flirting with that girl who had a boyfriend"

"Uh-huh", I snap

"For the record, I didn't know she had a boyfriend"

"Uh-huh"

This bartender needs to hurry up

"So-"

"No thanks", I answer

"Uh what?"

"Whatever you're going to say the answer is no. So you can go"

"Oh playing hard to get huh?", he smirks

He actually smirks and it takes everything in me not to smack him

I don't need a lawsuit

"No-"

"Let me buy you a drink and I'm sure I can change your mind"

Ok, now I'm done

"Do you see that man over there", I ask him, pointing to Yoongi, who's glaring at Jae

"The guy with all the tattoos?"

"Yeah him"

"I see him. So what?", Jae says

"That man is going to kick your ass after I finish doing it first"

Jae raises his eyebrows in shock, "Excuse me?"

"That's my boyfriend and he will not hesitate to kick the shit out of you so I suggest you fuck right off"

He scowls, "You don't have to be such a jerk"

I scoff, "You should learn to take a fucking hint. Or you know, listen when a girl tells you to fuck off. Otherwise you'll get your ass handed to you"

"Wow, tell that guy my condolences for having you as a girlfriend", he snaps

"Yeah yeah, fuck off already"

He scowls, then walks to the other side of the bar

The bartender hands me my drinks and I take them back to her table

"Who was that?", Yoongi asks quietly as I hand him his drink

"Some loser who wouldn't take no for an answer until I told him my boyfriend was going to kick his ass"

His eyes widen in surprise but then he chuckles, "You didn't"

"Oh I did naekkeo. You saw me pointing you out and I told him you'd kick the shit out for him. After I was done doing that too"

"Of course jagi", he laughs

His arm moves around me and I lean against him, so happy to be in his arms

"You know I'd do it", he says softly as I take a sip of my drink

"Hmm? Do what?", I ask, looking at him to find his eyes already on me

"I'd fight anyone for you jagi", he tells me, "Anyone who tries to take you from me.... I'd kick their ass with no questions asked"

"You don't have to worry about that baby", I assure him, "I would never choose anyone over you"

"I know jagi but if someone tried....I just...I can't lose you. I never did anything when it was Mia and that's because I didn't feel anything for her like I do for you. You....I love you more than anything in this world. You're my everything Jo and I will fight anyone who tries to hurt you or tries to take you"

I smile, happy that he loves me as much as I love him

"I understand baby", I tell him, "And just know, I'd do the same. Any girl who tries to take you...I'm gonna knock them out"

He laughs, "Ok baby. But you don't have to worry about that either. I don't care about any other girls. I only want you"

"That's good", I smile

He smiles his gorgeous smile, my heart pounding faster

He's so fucking hot, anything he does turns me on

Like right now he's just sipping his drink and I want him

Making up for lost time I guess

"C'mon naekkeo", I whisper in his ear, running my fingers in his soft hair, "Finish your drink so we can go home and I can fuck you"

His eyes widen, he downs his drink and smirks, "Done"

I giggle, "Oh baby boy wants to be ridden huh?"

"You have no idea", he murmurs, "Get up now"

"Yes sir", I smirk, standing and taking his hand

He gets up and ushers me out of the bar and to the car

Once we're in the car, he takes my hand, laces our fingers and starts driving home

[xdirtyxlittlexgirl]

Hurting & Healing

Pairing: Henry Cavill X Reader

Summary: You get into a terrible accident while Henry's away on shoot

Warning: Super angsty, fluff, mentions of death

Henry finally got a five minute break from his shoot and decided to finally give you a call. He had missed you terribly for the past two months as he was away shooting, and you both got very little time together between shoots. He had requested the director to take some time off so he can finally be with you again and his wish was granted, and he was excited yet relieved to know that he will be seeing you again in a few days. He sat in his chair, sipping his coffee trying to call you but your phone went to voicemail. This was unusual. You had a habit of always picking up his calls in a few seconds. Henry's heart was racing as he tried calling you again and again, but your phone was repeatedly going straight to the voicemail. He couldn't shake off the feeling of unease that was now gnawing on him.

He was about to call you once more when the director called him back to resume the shoot. Reluctantly, he made his way back, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of you. Safe to say he was worried at this point. He decided to ask his managers to try and connect with you while he was working. "Please just keep trying. My mind is thinking things, and I am not feeling good about this. I need to speak with her as soon as possible. You get it? Please." He said sternly to one of his managers, finally making his way back to the set.

But as the shoot went on, his anxiety grew by every ticking second, and he couldn't focus on anything except you. He was on edge and snapping at everyone around him in frustration. He had a temper problem, and it aggravated when he was worried and helpless. He was in the middle of the scene which he was already finding very hard to focus on, when he heard the director say cut. His managers interrupted the shoot and asked him to come to the vanity van. Henry could sense their unease, and his temper flared further. "What's going on? Why the hell are you guys not telling me?" he snapped.

Finally, one of his managers sighed and reluctantly handed him the phone, making him almost snatch it out of the others hand, which displayed a picture of you, bruised and battered laying in a hospital bed. Henry's heart sank. "She got in an accident this morning, and is now being treated in the City hospital. We have called and requested to have the best team of doctors work on her case..." His mind went blank as he kept staring at the pictures and his manager's voice faded in the background replacing it with pure silence.

Tears welled up in his eyes as he struggled to process what he was seeing. After a few good minutes he was pulled from his thoughts as he looked red eyed at his managers. "What the hell happened? Why didn't anyone tell me this before? Fuck!" he yelled punching the wall next to him in pure frustration as he bruised his hands. His managers were shaken and scared seeing him like this. One of them calmly explained that the hospital staff tried to reach them, but didn't have any relevant contacts. It wasn't until one of the nurses recognised her and contacted them. They explained that they had arranged for a charter flight to take him to her immediately.

Henry couldn't believe what was happening. He had never felt this helpless in his life. You were his world, and seeing you like this tore him apart. He felt like he had failed you. He wanted to be around you. He knew how much you were missing him. He was now blaming himself for your situation. "Fuck! I wish I was there with her sooner! I wish I was there with her to protect her. It was my fucking job. It is all my fucking fault. Fuck!" He said through gritted teeth as he again punched his hand this time in the car door creating an evident dent. His managers were doing everything to calm him down, but it was all in vain.

Trembling with fear and anguish, Henry packed his bags and rushed to the airport. The flight felt like an eternity, and his mind was consumed with thoughts of you. He couldn't bear the thought of losing you, and he couldn't help but think the worst, which pained him even more. He sat in the plane, his mind in a haze. The world around him seemed distorted, like a funhouse mirror that distorted and twisted everything into a grotesque caricature. He couldn't believe that you were just fine last night, all smiling and beautiful, and now you laid in a hospital bed, bruised and broken, while he had been away. You meant everything to him, and the thought of losing you was making him lose his sanity. He didn't know he loved you this much, that every second felt like eternity knowing he could lose you.

He closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths, but his chest felt tight, and the air seemed to escape him. He could feel his temper rising, his frustration mounting with every passing moment. He pounded his fists on the armrest, feeling a surge of anger that he couldn't control. "Why did this have to happen?" he muttered to himself. "Why her? Why now?" The plane hit turbulence, and Henry jolted in his seat, the sudden movement breaking through his thoughts. He looked around, his eyes falling on the bottle and glass that lay on the table in front of him. Without thinking, he reached out and knocked them off the table, the sound of shattering glass filling the cabin. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down, but it was no use. The anger was still there, simmering just below the surface, threatening to boil over at any moment.

The flight attendant approached him, concerned etched on her face. "Sir, is everything okay?" she asked softly. He shook his head, unable to speak, and the flight attendant nodded sympathetically before walking away. He was afraid. Terribly scared to lose you. The words by his managers from before, finally echoed in his head. They mentioned you were in a critical condition, although they followed it up with a lot of hope, he couldn't shake away the sight of you, which made his fear grow stronger.

"God, please let her be okay," he whispered, tears streaming down his face. "I can't bear to see her like this." Finally his anger started to leave his body, replacing it with intense pain, guilt, fear, and hurt. He was alone with his thoughts, trapped in a prison of his own making. He couldn't escape the pain, no matter how hard he tried. He felt like he was drowning, suffocating under the weight of his own emotions, and the only way out of it, was to finally see you.

"I love you, princess" he whispered, the words barely audible over the roar of the plane's engines. "Please be okay." He said looking at the wallpaper of the two of you on his mobile, his throat tightening and choking with pain.

As the plane landed, Henry's heart was beating out of his chest. He could feel his anxiety and stress levels skyrocketing. His managers were already arranging for a safe passage through the airport, but as they stepped outside, a mob of fans surrounded him, all clamoring for his attention.

"Mr. Cavill, can we have a picture with you?"

"Please sign me an autograph, Henry!"

Henry tried to sign a few of them off politely, begging them to let him leave, but as he pushed through the crowd, he heard a fan talking about you. "I'm not (y/n), but I deserve some attention too!" His frustration boiled over, and he turned around, scolding her almost tearing up talking about you. "She's in the hospital fighting for her life, and all you care about is a damn autograph? Get some perspective woman!" Finally, he broke free from the crowd and drove towards the hospital. His heart sank as he saw the sign "Intensive Care Unit" in bold letters. He asked the receptionist for your whereabouts, and the receptionist recognized him immediately.

"Oh my god, you're Henry Cavill! I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you at first. Follow me, Mr Cavill, I'll take you to her doctor." As they entered the doctor's cabin, Henry could feel his frustration, pain, and rage building up inside of him. The doctor gave him a somber look and spoke in a serious tone. "Mr. Cavill, I'm sorry to say that (y/n) has suffered severe head trauma, and the chances of her recovery are low. She is at a high risk of amnesia or worse, of slipping into coma. We are doing everything we can to keep her stable, but we need to prepare you for the worst." Henry felt like his world was crumbling around him. The doctor's words were like a punch in the gut, and he felt his eyes welling up with tears. He couldn't bear the thought of losing you, losing the whole of his heart.

"Please, doctor, do everything in your power to save her. I can't lose her. I just can't." He spoke between tears trying to get the words out of his throat, although they came barely over a whisper. The doctor gave him a sympathetic look, knowing that there was only so much they could do. He was shattered into a million pieces, and he felt like he was drowning in his own pain and despair. All he could do was hold onto hope and pray for a miracle.

He sat in the waiting area, his eyes glued to the door of the ICU room. His mind is racing, and he can feel his heart pounding in his chest. He has been waiting there for hours, hoping and praying that the doctors will give him some good news. Finally, the door opens, and the doctor steps out. Henry stands up, his fear plastered on his face as he approaches the doctor. "How is she?" he asks, his voice trembling with emotion.

The doctor takes a deep breath and looks Henry in the eye. "She's stable," he says. "But she still hasn't regained consciousness. We're doing everything we can, but the next few hours are critical." He nods, he felt his heart sinking. He felt like he's been hit by a truck. He can't believe that this was happening. He's never felt so powerless in his life. All he can do is sit and wait and hope. He was finally here, but he still couldn't do anything to fix you, to save you, to protect you...

He had begged the doctor to let him see her but he refused. The doctor explained how they're still treating your wounds and he will be able to see you later today. He nodded and patiently, yet impatiently waited outside the ICU. Hours pass, and finally, the doctor comes back to him. "Although she's still unconscious, we have shifted her to a room, and you can go see her now." he says. His heart leaps into his throat as he follows the doctor into the room. He sees you lying there, pale and still, hooked up to all sorts of machines. His heart breaks at the sight.

He takes her hand in his, feeling the coldness of your skin. Tears well up in his eyes once again, as he leans down to whisper in your ear. "Baby girl, I'm here," he says, his voice cracking. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there. Please, come back to me. I need you." He said, finally breaking into a sob that he had been holding for hours.

He sits by your side, holding your hand and talking to you, telling you all the things he's been holding back for so long. He tells you how much he loves you, how he can't imagine his life without you, how he'll do anything to make you better. He tells you all the things he's sorry for, all the things he wishes he could have done differently. His trying his best to make you feel his presence and bring you to life again. He needed you to speak back to him. As he talks, tears roll down his cheeks, and he can feel the pain and sorrow inside him grow. He's never felt so vulnerable in his life, and he knows that if you won't make it, he'll never be the same again. He tries to shake these negative thoughts and for now, all he can do is hope and pray and be by your side, holding your hand.

Hours passed as he didn't realise and fell asleep, curled up in a chair beside your bed, holding your hand tightly. He was exhausted, emotionally drained, and his body ached from sitting in the same position for so long, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to be there for you, to be the first thing you see when you wake up. As the night passed, he was into a deep slumber, but he was quickly awoken by a faint voice calling his name. He jerked upright, his heart pounding in his chest, as looked at you in shock. Yoy were awake.

"Baby?" he said, his voice choked with emotion. "Oh my God, you're awake. Are you okay? How do you feel?" He asked everything without a breath. He then immediately rang the bell to call the nurses and the doctor. "How is she now?" He asked impatiently to the doctor. "She's surprisingly much better Mr Cavill, looks like you were what she needed to heal." The doctor said finally leaving the two of you alone.

"How are you feeling princess? You scared me so much. I'm so glad you're okay. Fuck." He said with tears running down his face as he held her hand right continuously kissing your hand. You smiled weakly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I feel...okay. A little sore. But I'm glad to see you. I thought I'd never see you again" His eyes filled with tears as he leaned in and lifted you gently into his arms, holding you close to him. "Oh, baby don't say that. I would never let anything happen to you." he said, his voice cracking. "I'm so sorry. I should have been here. I should have been there to protect you. I can't believe this happened." You stroked his cheek and smiled reassuringly. "It's not your fault, Henry. It was an accident. I'm just glad you're here now." He just held you like his life depended on it. You could feel how scared he was and how he was holding onto you like a little baby. You ran your hand gently through his hair and you can already feel yourself healing. He was your medicine. He was your relief. You couldn't imagine you were holding him after almost two months and now you didn't want to let go.

Henry took a deep breath and kissed your lips, feeling overwhelmed with relief and love. "I was so scared," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't know what to do. I thought I was going to lose you." Your eyes filled with tears as you looked up at him. "You're not going to lose me," she said, your voice soft but firm. "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I love you, Henry and you're stuck with me." You said giggling a little through your tears. His heart swelled with love and emotion as he looked down at you. "I love you so much more my princess. God I love you so much more..." he said, his voice thick with emotion. For a few moments, you just held each other, lost in your love and relief. You can feel how his heart has now picked a softer pace. He needed you as much as you needed him.

Later, he pulled back a little, looking at you with concern. "What happened?" he asked. "How did this happen?" You knew you were gonna get in trouble if you answered this. You just smiled weakly but he asked again as you sighed. "I remember losing control of the car...and then hitting the tree. After that, everything is a blur. But I'm okay now and so much better with you here." You said trying to glaze everything with hope and happiness, in hopes that he won't get mad at you. He hated your age old secondhand car and had strictly asked you to take the new ones he has parked up for you. He even offered to drive his Aston Martin around. But you loved this car, it was the first thing you bought with your own money. Although he was right, this car had served you enough, and now just something you should be keeping for sentimental value.

He looked at you with narrowed eyes. "How many times have I asked you to stay away from this junk? What if I had lost you today? Hun?" He snapped. He was now angry but you expected this. He was worried for you and he was right, this car almost took your life today. "I'm sorry Henry. I won't do it again" You say politely pulling him in a hug as he immediately melts down and nuzzles his head in your hair. "I know baby, I'm sorry to get mad at you, but I almost thought I lost you today. I was so scared, and I have told you so many times to dump that car. I just.. I wanted to save your from exactly this." He said softly now gently rubbing your back and kissing your head and shoulders. "I'm so sorry baby, I promise I won't do it again. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I love you." You say stroking his cheek and leaning in to kiss him.

You were kissing him after two months and it felt like tasting heaven. He was your medicine. His words, his touch, his kisses, everything healed you. He healed you and you wanted nothing more. Henry smiled through the kiss and hugged you tightly, feeling like the luckiest man in the world. "I love you too, my princess," he said. "I love you more than anything. And I'm never going to let anything happen to you again."

____

A/N: Please send in your fic requests! Asks Open!

[oniraki]

Broken into fractures

Pairing : Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

TW : Mental health, Psych ward, mentions of : self harm, suicide wishes/attempts , severe trauma (both Simon and reader), dark themes , angst, hurt/comfort , swearing , nicotine and psychiatric medication/sedation use - maybe too much tagging but it's better safe than sorry I guess?

AN : inspired by all the fantastic artists and writers here I gathered the courage to try and write something up myself. Hope I don't mess shit up .. please have patience with me for I really don't know what I am doing right now (and English is not my first language..)

"you're in time out Mr.Riley.." his psychiatrist says in a hushed tone, making Simon's head throb painfully. He does not like that bawbag of a man with his silly round glasses and his pathetic attempts to comb his hair in a way, that would hide his growing baldness. Simon tries to focus on Doc.Hershal's words but instead his eyes are glued to a coffee stain on the man's button down.

"Mr.Riley do you even pay attention?" A grunt is the only response that so called doctor gets out of him. The man sighs. "You hurt another patient, Mr.Riley.." he tries again and Simon chuckles hoarsely. "I'm well aware of that. He had it coming for some time .." - "You broke his nose." The doctor states more urgently, observing Simon's features as far as possible, since half of his face is hidden behind a black scarf.

"Fucking hell..should've broken his neck instead." Dr.Hershal shakes his head. "We have talked about this plenty of times, didn't we, Mr.Riley? This is no healthy way of coping with your feelings. This is unacceptable behavior above all of it. Every patient has a right to be here, to heal and to be safe while doing so"

Simon could feel his blood boil, hear it rushing through his whole body. Safety? He was talking about safety after all, that happened earlier that day? "Where was her right of safety when that fucker had his hands all over her...?!" The psychiatrist nods "I have heard about the incident. But that does not justify your aggressive behavior. That was something to be dealt with by the hospitals staff, Mr.Riley."

Incident. The nurses should've handled this. "And still nobody showed up fast enough to put her out of her misery, for fucks sake!"

His heart was beating way too fast, his bruised hands shaking in his lap. Knuckles cut open from that other man's broken teeth. He felt no shame, no regret. He'd do it all over again. Do anything to keep you safe, to protect you from harm. Even if it ment that he had to be locked up here longer than he had anticipated.

He'd do it for you.

Anything..

_______

The light was nearly blinding you as you crossed the threshold of the door, leading to the cage on the hospitals rooftop. You've never been entitled to garden privileges, going out alone and wandering around the paths between old trees and decorative bushes. You couldn't be trusted, the nurses always explained with that sorry, kinda pittying smile on their faces. You'd be a danger to yourself, they'd argue. Couldn't risk you hurting yourself, fulfilling your death wish..

The cage was just a sorry excuse of a garden. An area with fake grass and plants, some benches, secured by a Chain-link fence.. but it was your only escape from the sterile and sad gray walls of the ward, crushing you between them until you couldn't breathe. Closing you in, never letting you go. The flickering of the neon lights, the squeaking of the linoleum floor. Cold,blood sucking fingers that had a hold of you. Everything designed to torture and torment you furthermore.

The only way for you to leave that place was in a body bag. That much you were sure of.

"Hey scare-bear.." you whispered as you let yourself slump down on the fake grass next to Simon. He didn't even flinch or look at you at your sudden intrusion of his space. Not even when your head was leaning against his biceps. No words or sounds left his lips as he fetched a cigarette out of the box, lighting it up on the one he was smoking and then offering it to you. You stayed in comfortable silence for a smoke or two. Simon could feel the tension leaving his body, how his shoulders relaxed more and more with every passing minute. You were here. With him. Not in the observation room with that big window, directly connected to the nurses office. Not sedated and fixated. Not alone.. never alone, as long as he could impede it.

You sneaked your arm around his, your hand engulfing his with featherlight touches. The nurses patched him up properly after his emergency session with Hershal.

"'m sorry, love." You could feel the vibration of Simon's voice. Calming and soothing as a lullaby. He still didn't look at you, instead he kept his gaze on the sundown, throwing another cigarette butt off of the roof. "nothing to be sorry for, Si. It's my fault they relieved you of all of your privileges.." you murmured kinda dejected, petting his hand ever so lovingly.

Simon huffed, shaking his head eagerly, nearly making his hood fall down. "I'd trade every fucking, meaningless privelege if that's what it takes to keep you safe. Stop acting like it was your fault. You didn't ask him to touch you.. should've killed that bastard the second he tried to get close to you the first time."

Your movements stilled for a long moment until you released a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"they all told you to stay away from me, didn't they...?" Your voice was merely anything above a whisper. Simon only grunted in response. "As if that's ever going to happen. Nothing can stop me from being near you, little gremlin."

"but what, if they're right, scare-bear?" You ask, now avoiding his gaze that lingers on your face. "What if.. I'm no good for you? Making your condition worse..?" You thought intensely about it for the last couple of weeks. Simon used to make progress, used to get better.. at least until you came along. Certainly it hast to be your fault. "Is that what they believe or what you believe?" He snapped at you, hating himself for the harshness in his voice immediately.

You heard the night nurses whisper about you and Simon. About you being a liability to him. Stopping his progress, pulling him down into your dark abyss.

Your mind began spiraling again.

"I need words, love. Talk to me.. don't shut me out. Not again.." he demanded softly, freeing his arm out of your grasp. He'd leave you, right ? Because he realized how much of a burden you were.

But instead of getting up and leaving he placed his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him gently, as if he might break you.

But by now your thoughts and emotions were cutting too deep, pulling you into a kind of headspace where'd you go nonverbal ..

Burden. Threat. Liability. Rotten heart and soul inside a useless, broken body. Not good enough. Not loveable.

Why can't you finally die?

" 'm here, lovie. I got you." He whispered into the crown of your head. "It's okay not to be okay right now. We'll get through it, together."

Oh how you just wanted to believe him..

[tinydefector]

Hi Tiny! (First time I’ve asked to this blog, or any blog in general) Not really a request, feel free to not acknowledge this, these are simply some thoughts inspired by the Human effects series that I wanted to share with you!

For one, human doctors who are passionate about how the human body works finding cybertronian forums and trying to communicate info on how human bodies work like

- start of dialogue -

Ilovecatssupreme: no @/jewelsmoneygoldgalore(or whatever swindles username would be) that is NOT how the human body works!!

Don’t try (insert sex act here), you would KILL them!

And @/revuppowerup humans do NOT HAVE CLOACAS!! Guys please we aren’t birds we have two seperate holes

[insert fun fact about human anatomy that would probably scare the shit out of a cybertronian here]

- end of dialogue -

I just think it’d be hillarious to see a human doctor who is appalled going “guys, that’s not how that works!! It works like this-“ and proceeds to explain the human body and our parts

On a similar note, thought / scenario; a human doctor part of Y/n’s crew possibly being interested in learning more about cybertronian biology but not wanting to come off rude or overly personal with questions, especially with the cultural differences between the species they may not wanna ask things that come off weird or creepy, would possibly get along with brainstorm over wanting to know for research purposes!!

Another thought that comes to mind, cybertronians finding human forums with human monster fuckers goin: yeah sure I’d bang a cybertronian, some of their ambassadors are hot / Optimus prime kinda hot

It just seems funny, like I just imagine some people from different parts of the world like; “how do cybertronians flirt? I got this person who buys my supplies and i wanna get them to pay more” (swindle vs their supplier who can seduce who for more profit first/j I jest i jest)

But I think it’d be neat to see cybertronians figuring out that a portion of humanity is definitely interested and wants to know how to get with them safely(optional)

Also just me saying this, Nadia, mentioned on ‘Chaos on board’ is so far one of my favorite original(?) characters in the human effects series, I definitely wanna find out where her attempts at getting free drinks from swerve go

Either way loving the series so far! I can’t wait to see where it goes next, wether or not it continues considered,

Remember to take care of yourself, take breaks, the usual! <33

Oh the chaos that would insure. Both medical personnel from both sides having to sit down with their crew or people and go. " Please do not fuck/frag the cybertronian /human, we do not have the knowledge or resources to know if it's safe"

But also watching the scientists and medics working together to see what is actually possible and viable. Have to run fluid tests and samples to see if it's possible for a safe relationship between a human and cybertronian. But also the sheer shock when both sides find out that their 'equipment' is very similar.

And oh, the forums, there are so many. So are simple as just polls of 'would you frag a human?. Yes or no' then there's the secret polls shared between friends groups with a list of mech or human's to see who everyone seems to have a thing for.

It eventually leads to anonymous role play groups over fantasy, fanfiction sites, informational sites, and even rare hook up sites. Sharing information over their species. And God forbid when the hook up sites get around on both sides.

But can you imagine any medical staff getting a call for help and showing up to someone quarters to find a human and bot stuck together. Medics being baffled, shocked, impressed, horrified, and disappointed.

I'm planning on keeping human effects as the small series I've got going but if you guys want another spin off on it heading more in the horny direction I'm happy to make another. Probably call it Sites unknown or something like that.

Slowly working on the next part of human effects and I'm glad you guys like the crew had alot of fun writing them, and I might do a little spin off fic of Nadia and Swerve in the future in people really want it.

[saintyveningstar]

Mama! Abby Anderson headcannons!

No. 2

Part 2 of Mom! Abby Headcannons !

No. 1

❄️The biggest issue her kids have is maintaining eye contact while holding a conversation, and she has to remind them at every turn — they got it from her, as she used to be incredibly shy as a kid

❄️Abby has to remind her kids (and sometimes Ellie) to keep their dirty boots outside if they're not going to clean them right away

❄️(In my AU) Abby's son Absalem is usually called Abby or Abby junior, not only because of his name but also because of the traits of her that he emits

❄️She does not tolerate her kids drinking, smoking, or doing drugs of any kind - her family is prone to asthma and other serious conditions that affect the breathing or heart - also, she just doesn't want it going on, plain and simple

❄️"Don't let me find out, alright hun?"

❄️"Do not make me turn this fucking car around, you hear me?!"

❄️shes fair but also strict so if she planned on beating your ass she's gonna definitely do it

❄️"move your hand, ah-ah." She'll snap while delivering a spanking. "We're not doing that, move your hand before I get real mad."

❄️she doesn't tolerate fighting or talking back to the teacher, none of that and will get you together very quickly if she catches wind something like that has happened

❄️her children don't really have problems with grades (because they're her kids, duh) so when grades drop she knows something is the matter

❄️has to open bottles, cans, and jars for literally everyone

❄️teaches consent rules very early on and enforces that consent rules are applicable to everything and everyone

- (her teaching them) "Just like when you knock and ask someone if you may come in, you always ask someone if you're allowed to touch their body or enter their personal space." She explains, "Never assume, it's better to be safe than sorry. People should do the same for you, and if they're not you call me or come to me and you tell me immediately, do I make myself clear?"

❄️If she knows her kid hasn't been eating enough due to stress or a possible eating disorder she will put more food on the plate, or bring them more snacks during the day, sticking around for a conversation to watch them eat it then leave - wether it's noticed or not, they'll never talk about it

❄️plays hockey with them when they have free time

❄️gossips with them about doctors and nurses at the hospital she works at trying to turn it into Greys anatomy part 2

❄️God bless whatever other kid that tries to court her kid

-- she'll open the door and just give them the death glare (she was warned to be normal and welcoming) "Miss-Missus Anderson, Hi. Uh-Uh I'm here for your daughter Judah. I-Is that okay?"

Her eyebrow will cock, "hm." Then she'll turn, "Jude, honey! Your date is here!" Then she'll turn back. "Hurt my daughter, and I’ll—.... Hi, hun! Have a great time." Abby whispered, but her shovel talk is interrupted by her daughter appearing, but she definitely gives the date the eyes one last time before closing the door.

[xspeter]

could you do ethan landry x reader with prompt 16 and 6?? like super fluffy and it can take place wherever within the storyline <3 love you lots

#sappyprompts

𝐈 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒: 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧’𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

is it weird that your boyfriend hasn’t kissed you once after six months of dating? possibly.

is it weird that you’re thinking about this right after you’ve been stabbed? definitely.

you groan as the paramedics pull you onto the gurney, tara holding your hand as they load you into the van. ghost face had just attacked your group in the apartment you share with sam and the other girls, anika and quinn had been killed.

“tara,” you rasp, “is ethan here yet?”

she bites her lip and shakes her head, she opens her mouth to speak but she’s interrupted by the man of the hour.

“oh my god, y/n? shit, are- are you okay?” ethan stutters, reaching out to you. before he can though, chad pushes him against the side of the ambulance.

“where the fuck were you, man?” he asks, holding ethan up by the collar of his shirt.

ethan’s eyes bulge as he scrambles to respond. “i- i was at econ, man! seriously you can ask anyone there!” he cries.

chad doesn’t budge, his brown eyes searching ethan’s face. for what, you’re not sure.

“chad, he’s not lying.” you say, wincing as the paramedics put pressure on your wound.

“if you guys are done arguing, we really need to get her to the hospital.” the female paramedic growls, and chad releases ethan and walks away dramatically.

ethan rubs his neck and then climbs into the van with you, tara leaving with little to no hesitation.

the paramedics close the door and ethan grabs your hand as the truck begins to move, and you start to feel lightheaded.

“hey, don’t fall asleep, okay? josh, can you hurry it up a bit!” the paramedic yells. it’s starting to get hard to keep your eyes open, and they begin to fall slowly.

“we’re losing her!” the paramedics say, but it sounds muffled.

“what- what do you mean?” ethan’s eyebrows furrow as his grip on your hand tightens. the paramedic doesn’t spare him a glance.

when you arrive at the hospital, you’re rushed into surgery. none of the doctors answer any of ethan’s questions, instead opting to say, “we’ll let you know soon.”

ethan hadn’t meant for you to get stabbed, honestly. but you were just so damn selfless, throwing yourself in front of sam when he went to stab her.

as soon as the knife made contact with your skin he wanted to pull back, but it was too late. you stumbled back, falling on top of sam with groan.

“you bastard!” sam cried, attempting to throw a pair of scissors at him, which he dodged easily.

when your group started to climb the ladder, he was thankful they let you go first. he purposefully pretended he was struggling e to get the door open as you fled, and once you were safe and sound on the other side, he started to really try and open the door.

is it possible his love for you could ruin his family’s plan? yes.

does he care? no.

ethan’s not sure how long he waits there, he just know by the time they finish, it’s already night.

“family of y/n l/n?”

ethan’s ears perk up and he stands, the doctor nods at him.

“she’s awake and asking for you.” he says, gesturing with his head for ethan to follow him. ethan does so with no complaints.

“she’s still a bit disoriented off of the drugs we gave her, but she’s able to communicate fine.” he explains and ethan nods as they enter the room.

the doctor nods and closes the door, allowing the both of you privacy.

ethan stares at you for a moment, and then he walks besides you and grabs your hand.

“god, don’t scare me like that-“

“why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

ethan’s eyes widen and his mouth hangs open in shock, he laughs awkwardly.

“um, wha- ha, what’re you talking about?” he stammers and you roll your eyes.

“why. haven’t. you. kissed. me. yet?” you ask.

ethan guffaws, “i don’t…”

“is it because you don’t love me?”

he inhales sharply at that, his mouth forming a smile and he laughs.

he fucking laughs.

“you- you think i don’t love you?” he asks.

you scoff, “well, it’s just kinda weird, y’know? everyone kisses by at least the two month mark and we’ve been dating for six months, ethan. and the most we’ve done is hug or hold hands! it’s just… it makes me feel like you don’t find me attractive, or something..”

ethan’s eyebrows furrow as he shakes his head, “no, no. don’t even think that! you- you are the most attractive person i have ever seen. i guess i just- i never really thought about it.” he says, “i’ve never.. i’ve never loved someone as much as i love you, and i guess i just wanted to take things at your pace, y’know?” he rambles, scratching the back of his neck and staring at the ground.

your heart flutters at that, and if there weren’t wires stuck inside you, you’d pull him to you and kiss him silly.

“well, i’m not sure i can wait any longer.” you mumble.

ethan smiles at that, he leans down to you, his fingers brushing your cheek.

your lips brush, as if he’s asking ‘are you sure?’.

you quickly grab his face and kiss him hard. he smiles into the kiss, and it’s this exact moment that helps you realize, that no matter what he does, you’ll always love him.

no matter what.

my bf is a little psycho but that’s ok !!

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Finding character motivations for everything Talia Al Ghul does and says in Lost Days

People say she was manipulating Jason to be more violent but like... was she?? Why would she be doing that??? She spends years trying to heal him for Bruce and then tries to make him more violent towards Bruce because... ????????

I've read Lost Days a fair few times and it never felt like she was being cruel or manipulative and this has confused the fuck out of me for a long time. Since I'm going to be writing her into my Jason centric fic pretty soon, I figured it would be good to go back to Lost Days and really focus in on her and her character motivations.

This is a post because I do my best thinking through the act of writing essays, and figured someone out there might also be interested.

tl;dr In the text as written Talia does her level best to guide Jason to become a Hero again out of genuine compassion. It is her explicit goal to make Jason less vengeful, less violent, and more like the hero he was before he died. She is not predatory towards him, and the only times she works in ways that could be damaging to him are when she feels her own safety is threatened by him. Talia is depicted as a good but flawed person shaped by the trauma Ra's and the League has put her through.

So yeah, wildly over detailed analysis of everything Talia does and says during Lost Days under the cut:

Scene one: Ra's and Talia yelling dramatically on a lawn right after Talia uses a Lazarus Pit on Jason.

Her stated justification for doing so is "I did--what--needed to be done" (em dashes for choking). Considering she risked a LOT to do this, I figure she's probably telling the truth. She believed this was necessary.

Then we flash back to her first learning about Jason's death. She posits that his death will essentially break Bruce.

In the panels directly after this she's shown looking at a picture of Jason and Bruce, face in hands, clearly upset. Probably primarily for Bruce, but like idk she's an empathic human I feel like it's safe to say she's upset for the kid who died too, especially since the picture centers Jason prominently, with focus/close-up panels on both Bruce and Jason, with Jason's scanning first.

Then we have the sequence of her learning that Jason is still alive, through her agents who have been instructed to keep a very close eye on Bruce.

Her first big decision is to bring him to her Father. She doesn't make any attempt to hide him, so it's either a good idea to her or a necessary one. Ra's obviously wants to figure out how he managed to cheat death, and it seems likely to me, given that she's loyal to him, that she'd also want to do so. She doesn't seem to want him dead, even if she's at odds with him pretty much the whole time to one degree or another.

Then we get her investigating Jason's ressurection and the doctor she's got telling her about his brain damage and the Doc claims he's not getting better

We're just gonna breeze on passed that autistic affect weirdness...

She disagrees.

This is the third time now that Talia has had faith in the humanity and emotional capacity of people the rest of the League write off as being capable of nothing but violence. Considering she's been right the other times it stands to reason that she's right about this too. It also says a lot about her character that this is something she's repeatedly done.

She attempts to prove he's getting better by slapping Jason across the face, declaring, "He never fights back when it's me! Explain that! Never when it's me!"

This strongly suggests that she must treat him differently than the rest of the league, specifically that she treats him with more kindness and more attention. He recognizes her as someone safe, who he doesn't need to fight.

This is further backed up by the next page

Ra's then decides that all this has been a complete waste of time and demands that Jason be put out to pasture so he can't distract Talia from her work for the League.

During this argument Ra's posits that she thinks handing over a healed Jason would make Bruce love her, but that doesn't seem to be the case. I think Ra's is misreading her, in exactly the same way all of the League has been misreading everyone all issue: he's failing to understand that people are capable of actual love and compassion. He's interpreting her acts of kindness and love as something manipulative and selfish. Maybe that's something she believes or hopes for on some level, but it's obviously not her "real" motive here like Ra's thinks.

This is what makes her decide that it's necessary to make one last attempt to heal him, and get him out somewhere safer than with the League. It's a desperate last ditch attempt, but she's a competent motherfucker.

The rest of the issue is narrated as a letter Talia sends off with him in the bag of supplies she gives him. In it she says that she had other reasons for attempting to save him.

So, at the end of issue #1 we have three clear motives for why she healed Jason:

To heal Jason is to heal Bruce.

She has a basic sense of decency and wants to help a murdered kid recover. Jason healing is its own reward.

She wants to find out how Jason "survived" so that her Father might be able to replicate that for himself.

Healing Jason might bring her emotionally closer to Bruce.

ALL of these are based in love, and thus could qualify for what she meant in those last few lines of her letter. However, I think I want to emphasis that she almost certainly has to be including love for Jason himself, not just for what Jason represents to Bruce, though Bruce is still a huge focus for her.

And she didn't tell Bruce because Ra's might kill Jason. He doesn't want Batman to know he's alive, ever, and may very well kill Jason to keep that secret.

ON TO ISSUE #2

This is where it gets a lot harder to figure out why she's doing things.

Talia's first act is to refuse to tell Ra's where Jason is. Her second revealed act is that while tossing Jason into the ocean to help him escape she says this:

"Do not seek him out. You remain unavenged."

Third thing she does is check up on her loyal agents who tell her "We know where he's going You're not going to like it." This is immediately followed by the reveal that Jason is going to Gotham.

So uhhhh... Why doesn't Talia want him to go to Bruce now? Also, why does Talia think that being unavenged would mean Jason going to Bruce was a bad idea? Like how is the unavenged bit not a complete nonsequitor?

Cause the thing is, we the audience know what Jason is like in the future, Lost Days was written after UtRH, but Talia doesn't know Jason's personality, she's only met him while he was incapable of communication, so what reason does she have to assume this would impact him like this?

Hypothesis one: She knew about Felipe, thinks he killed him, and thus counts him as a killer of abusers, someone who would want revenge.

Seems pretty unlikely. There's absolutely nothing in the text to support this, it's completely made up conjecture. Also, she doesn't seem to think Jason is the type of person to do revenge all that harshly in later panels.

Hypothesis two: She's counting on the temporary adrenaline-rage-pain boost from the Pit to convince him to be mad about the whole unavenged thing.

Why tho? Like, for realsies, there's no reason for her to try to do this? If this is a plan to keep him away from Bruce, it's a dumb one, like why would that be her choice of strategy?? Also the letter contradicts this.

Hypothesis three: She believes it was wrong of Bruce not to avenge him, or at least thinks that most people would be incredibly angry to find they weren't avenged

Baring her just being fucking precognitive and knowing the future for no good reason, this seems like the most likely cause. Growing up in the League hasn't exactly given her a view of how healthy people handle their anger, and violent retaliation is a nigh daily obstacle for her to navigate. It means she told him that because she thought it was important and she probably always intended to tell him whenever he healed enough to understand it.

Hypothesis four: She assumed him finding out was inevitable, and wanted to do that in a controlled manner... uhhh... and the best controlled manner avaliable was... while flinging him off a cliff??? Instead of in the letter?????

Not buying this one.

We see Jason try to kill Bruce and then get him explaining himself to Talia.

That's... that's not how sociopathic works I'm pretty sure... whateves...

Talia seems to have believed there would have been a fight about the Joker, but not that Jason would have actually tried to kill him. Or at least not that Jason would have tried to really, truly kill him in such a cold, calculated way once all forms of Laz juice were out of his system.

So again, why the fuck was she preventing him and Bruce from meeting?! Would the Dark Knight not have survived a fist fight with an angry sixteen year old??

I don't get it. That's uhhhh- that doesn't make any sense to me. I guess she was just wary of how bad the confrontation might get, but not fully expecting this kind of rage? Maybe she was acting much more confident of her decisions in front of her father and was really worried about this outcome? I dunno, and that's all the evidence we've got!

And now we have a new problem! Why does Talia agree to help him?

She believes she's released a curse into this world. She believes that she has kickstarted a nasty cycle of violence spiral. She doesn't want to see Bruce hurt or killed by his kid.

So the only conclusion left is that she thinks she can better mitigate the damage by helping and misdirecting than she can by actually confronting Jason. Considering who she interacts with, that seems perfectly reasonable.

ON TO ISSUE #3

We get some proper answers here hopefully

Our previous idea about why she was helping him was correct, this is an attempt to keep him less violent, steer him towards other things, and let his desire for revenge fizzle or find a different target.

She's not giving him over to Bruce because Bruce would never forgive her for having kept Jason from him... And also Jason will fucking kill Bruce.

Make special note here of the idea that sex is why she isn't beating the crap out of this guy. Put a pin in that. It'll be important later.

Back down at the murder ranch, Jason finishes killing his teacher and then explains himself

I believe she's genuinely happy about this, because it is actually a step in the direction she wants him to take. He went from being completely obsessed with just killing the father who didn't avenge him, to saving a bunch of kids and delaying his own revenge goals to do it. The tin man IS growing a heart. Her plan is, miraculously, kinda working!

ON TO ISSUE #4

Further proof that her plan is working: Jason leaves Rip, the mercenary driver, alive. He's developing standards for who he is and isn't willing to kill, and those standards are evolving because he is being pushed outside his conflict with Bruce.

His treatment of the bomber's connection with the mob is further proof of this.

That little smile and her gently nudging him towards the idea that he's picking "old habits" back up is very telling. She's guiding him back to the path of actually being a Hero. I think this is meant to imply that Talia is deliberately throwing scumbags towards him to not only distract him, but also to remind him of the heroism he did before he died and give him new purpose beyond mere violence towards Bruce.

And again, her plan is working! He's doing hero stuff!

Aaaaand now we have another curveball. Why show him Tim?

Again, him finding out about this was probably inevitable. He seems more chill, the dark circles under his eyes are gone, I think she's hoping that while in the middle of a new investigation Jason will be in as good a place as she can find to tell him about this.

It's better than mid cliff dive, if nothing else.

Now, to head this off at the pass, because I've seen people assert this in other posts before: this is definitively, absolutely, 100% guaranteed, NOT WHEN TITANS TOWER HAPPENS. He hasn't even come up with using the red hood as a persona when she shows him this picture, so even if he let the extremely time sensitive bombing plot go for a day or two worth of private jetting to beat up the new guy, there's no way in HELL Tim would be able to recognize the Red Hood as Jason. Heck, Tim wouldn't even be with that set of Titans yet, the fucking HUSH plotline hasn't even happened yet!! Okay moving on...

ON TO ISSUE #5

Talia isn't in this one

Jason acts as a Hero. Tim man definitely has a heart.

I really like this plotline tbh, it's just great.

He kills all but one of the Russian mobsters that come to kill him and then he runs out of ammo on the last, and that guy offers up the Joker's location in exchange for his life.

This is when the Tin Man relapses.

ON TO ISSUE #6

CONTENT WARNING FOR DISCUSSION OF CONSENT ISSUES

He hunts the Joker down and fails to kill him. I want to emphasis here, that failing to kill the Joker is a failure to adhere to the morals that Jason has established for himself, and a failure to keep being an anti-hero the way Talia was encouraging him to be.

This is not him being a good guy. This is him getting worse again. This is him failing to care about the world and things other than his own revenge.

Once again he explains himself to Talia, and reveals that he's known for a while now that she's been stalling him.

And then they fuck, and Jason wakes up alone.

So what just happened and why?

First of all I think the fact he KNEW he was being stalled combined with his heroism prior to the Joker being brought up strongly implies that Talia's plan would have kept working and that Jason would have kept letting it work, drawing him more and more into just being an anti-hero. He has a heart, he has morals, but his rage for Bruce and the Joker eclipses those morals pretty completely. Talia's plan was always to guide him away from revenge and it might have worked if he hadn't run out of ammo at the wrong time.

Secondly, Talia has just been given a bunch of reasons to feel threatened. Her plot was revealed, and Jason no longer has reason to believe that she isn't an obstacle to his goals.

Considering the sheer amount of violence that Talia regularly narrowly escapes only through manipulation and leveraging men's emotions, it seems pretty reasonable to me that she'd assume she needed to do both those things in order to protect herself.

She tells Jason about Ra's death, claiming that she's angry with Bruce for that. I don't know if this is the truth, but it would serve this purpose either way. She's giving him reasons to believe she's still on his side. Then she gets emotional leverage on him by sleeping with him. Take that pin out of the fact that she didn't beat that other guy for talking out of turn to her because she was fucking him. Then she escapes while he's asleep and only contacts him again from afar.

She does both of these things because she is afraid that a freshly refocused on vengeance Jason will hurt or kill her if she doesn't. After all, she herself is a killer. Jason might just decide it's her turn to join his other teachers.

The scene of them sleeping together isn't framed as traumatic for Jason; he seems to be perfectly willing.

There two very important questions that need answered before we cast judgments though: Is Jason still a minor when this happens? How old is Talia in comparison to Jason?

The only indication of timeline that we have is that it takes place JUST prior to Hush, as the story ends with Jason meeting Tomas Elliot. According to the Batman Chronology Project, Tim should be 16 during the events of Hush. We know Jason is about two years older than Tim, making him 18 during this scene.

According to Dennis O'Neil "I’m pretty sure that Talia is still a young woman – young by our standards, not just her father’s." According to some random fucker on an ancient comicvine forum going by the handle "brock4618", O'Neil said in a different interview that she was 18 when Bruce kissed her and is about Dick's age, not Bruce's age. I can't find O'Neil saying that, but it does line up with the quote we know is real.

So this was a case of an extremely traumatized 18 year old boy agreeing to sleep with a woman in her twenties after he accidentally made her feel that she needed to use sex and emotional manipulation to protect herself from his possible violent retaliation.

This is still a deeply unpleasant situation, but it's so much better than the initial impression that I got!

CONCLUSIONS TIME

Talia healed Jason because

She's a kind and loving person, and was especially kind and loving when she was younger. She wants to help Bruce, she wants to help Jason, and she wants to help her father. She did it for love.

Talia kept Jason's existence a secret from Bruce because

Her father demanded she keep it a secret, then she was afraid Bruce would hate her for it, and by the time she ought to be warning Bruce about Jason, well he was a scary motherfucker and she was in too deep.

Is Talia portrayed as a sexually predatory monster?

No. A woman using sex to escape violence is not predatory; I will fucking fight you. That whole scenario was bad, but acting like she's evil for this doesn't pan out unless you disagree with some of the facts of the case. It also really doesn't feel like Winick intended for the audience to assume this was predatory. Jason never seems uncomfortable with the fact it happened, and he even gives Jason a bit of beard scruff to help convey that he's older now. (it uh... it didn't work. Because I thought Talia was like 52 at minimum. Also just the timeline. But that was the intent I feel)

Is Talia attempting to make Jason more vengeful?

No. Exact opposite actually, every lie and manipulation is in service of preventing him from going on his vengeance quest, guiding him to be a better person, and protecting herself and others.

As a side note: I haven't touched the potential misogyny or racism angles, because that's simply beyond the scope of this analysis. I don't have the time, energy, or resources to dig into this myself, you'll have to find a different post for that angle, sorry.

So... yeah. That's my findings, I hope at least one other person finds this useful!

[littlenahsstuff]

Liar

Amanda Young x Reader

Warnings: blood, gore, angst, betrayal, choking, sad with a happy ending, slow, mentions of character death, self harm, blades, anxiety, longer fic, pov shifts kinda, also it’s mainly Amanda’s pov just cuz

Summary: you find out Amanda is a serial killer the hard way, by falling into a trap she made. You survive but does your relationship?

A/n: suggestions are welcome as long as they’re nice, also not proofread

Amanda missed another one of your dates because of her job, which, you don’t know anything about. You were hoping she was just some high level agent if you were being honest. It would explain the natural muscles and bad-assery that was your girlfriend. That’s also why she keeps getting cuts and bruises you tell yourself.

You at least knew that they weren’t from self harm, they were too scattered to be from that and you can somehow tell when Amanda hides self harm scars. It’s like a sixth sense, telling when she’s in danger.

You got the feeling more than you’d like too, but it was a little different when it was caused by Amanda herself. She seems more satisfied with herself sadly.

You just want your precious girl to be happy and safe, even if it’s only been a couple of months she’s your entire world. It just kinda happened but at this point in your life Amanda was the only person you talked to other than the occasional phone call from an old friend once a year. You were just floating right now with Amanda being your rock to tie you down and you, hers.

You convinced her to go on anxiety medication. Well, she refused to get a prescription (she can’t go to the doctors after Dr. Gordon) so she kinda shares your prescription both well aware that’s not a good idea but it does seem to help her and you would do anything for her.

The downside is you aren’t taking your prescribed amount and your next appointment to try and up the dosage, so one pill does the trick for both of you when you split it in half, is months away. You yourself are falling, you can feel it. You keep telling yourself that you gotta just wait it out and take it one day at a time for Amanda.

Right now you’re driving home from work in the rainy city. Your apartment is not Amanda’s yet but what little free time she has away from work is spent there so it might as well be.

A particular bolt of lightning hits a little too close for your liking and the booming thunder after it chills you to your bone. You don’t feel so good.

You try to just focus on what’s ahead while steadying your breathing. Traffic is light on the outskirts of the city, the small complex is right on the town line in a small patch of woods next to one of the parks.

You hate outside dark, outside dark is open and anything could surround you on all sides. You run up to your floor and flick on the lights but to no avail the darkness still remains. Your stomach is tight as a knot at this point, really wishing the owner allowed candles or that you had remembered to buy more batteries for the flashlight.

You grumbled to yourself, thinking you should just go to bed early. So feeling your way through the pitch black apartment, you stumbled a total of three times and now have a stubbed toe. It was a great fucking night that’s for sure.

Your bed offered little to no relief on your aching post-work back but the exhaustion was taking over rapidly. You shuffled a little to get comfy but then heard a creak of a floorboard.

“Hello?” You called out. Nobody answers, why would they. “Mands is that you? Come on you know how scared I get babes. Not the time to do this shit,” no response and yet another creak. You were still though, it couldn’t have been the bed which never makes much sound anyways. You sat up now and try to train your eyes to the darkness, no moonlight was there to help.

You frantically open the drawer to your dresser and procure a weapon Mandy gifted you for protection, boy were you great full now. You couldn’t tell where the thing or person was so you waved it about hoping it would get them.

Your eyes started to adjust and you saw a figure in the corner, once it realized you could see it, it lunged forward at you, sticking you with what you assume was an anesthetic by the lightheaded feeling making it hard for you to push them off. Your screams were muffled with a hand, you tried to bite them but it felt like you were swimming in syrup. Eventually everything just stopped as you lulled backwards.

The figure swooped you over their shoulder and took you out of your apartment, stuffing you in the trunk of a car pulled of to the back of the building.

Amanda’s POV:

She really did feel awful that she had to cancel another date, she knew that whenever she did you just stayed at work later in hopes to distract yourself. She knew you understood but if you knew what was really happening she’s not sure the understanding would still apply.

John called her in with a special request, no details were given about this person and she wasn’t even the one to kidnap them. All she had to do was come up with a new trap. She thought it was like a test to see if her engineering skills have gotten better as well as her “moral” compass. John always was better at tinkering than her and John had found out about her previous unwinnable games so this was most likely just a checkin to see if she would deter again from the purpose.

She blames herself, if she didn’t get all trigger happy with the traps she wouldn’t be missing another date night. She triple-checked to make sure this game was beatable but not too easy, John doesn’t like it when they are too hard orrrr to easy. It was a comfortable in between but definitely still very much challenging. Whoever plays it would have to give up a lot of blood to live if they aren’t careful. It was a solo game, that’s all that was required for this one.

She really hoped that this would be done quick. So while the trap might have been beatable, the timer was set to go off probably fifteen minutes before it should. Good luck to whoever plays this, she hopes they’re pretty bad or else the guilt will eat at her for the rest of the month. Sometimes John picked stupid targets that didn’t do anything bad necessarily as much as he believes it with his “solid” ideals. Maybe after John dies she can hand everything over to mark and move far away from this hell city with you. As much as she wants to, she needs to take care of John for the time being. He’s practically her father at this point.

With the trap finally finished she hands it over to Mark who’s been oddly quiet in the corner. He had a smug expression nobody liked, he was up to something.

“Hope you didn’t make this one unbeatable,” he laughs. He never cared if they were or not before so she’s a little put off, assuming he’s just teasing her for her screw up with John.

“Yeah, yeah,” she mutters and turns around to pick up her stuff. She just wants to get home to you so bad.

“Hold up,” Mark stops her, “John wants you to watch live with him. She groans in response.

“Fine let’s get this over with,” and with that they leave.

It was the same old set up, a rusty building. She definitely didn’t like the idea of having to get a tetnus shot. She hates needles, preferring to sedate people using chloroform or with blunt force to the back of the head.

She split ways with mark, her going to the observing room where John was already.

“Hello Amanda,” he croaked smugly.

“What is with you and Mark, you guys act like you just got the president?”

“They certainly are important but no, they are not the president. I can’t wait to see your work on them, I’m sure after our talk this trap will be exemplary?” He tilts his head upwards. She awkwardly laughs, his questioning gaze makes her slightly uncomfortable.

“Should be,” she mutters.

“Well then let’s begin.” She turns on the cameras to see marks back covering the kidnapped. She yawns but when he moves away it cuts off with a choke. She really hopes her eyes are deceiving her, she still can’t see much of the face but everything else looks exactly like what you were wearing this morning. They really need better cameras but money is tight in the Jigsaw business.

“So, I didn’t ask before but what’s the name of this one?” She starts to panic, please don’t say your name, please.

“I thought you’d recognize Y/n?”

Everything shatters, she doesn’t know what you could have possibly done to deserve this so she assumes it’s her fault for going against orders.

“John please, you and I both know she doesn’t deserve this. She isn’t cruel I would know she tells me everything, I put a tracker on her all she does is go to work!” She’s pleading for your life right now.

“I know, this is for you though. Even if she has done nothing she lacks the understanding you and I have of our message. The only way to understand is through this method. If she doesn’t make it out than she’s not worth it anyways, she didn’t fight hard enough for you.” His explanation makes sense but what happens when you don’t. She already knows you’d fight for her as hard as you could, she doesn’t need proof of that. And honestly she was content on hiding this part of her life from you forever.

Oh god, you must have been so scared, your about to be terrified when you wake up. She’s torn, she could get you and risk everything, Mark would kill both of you anyways and John might let it happen too. She has to painfully wait it out.

“I can see your worried, rightfully so, this is good. I promise. We do good for the world, and I’m doing good for you.” She wants to strangle him but she just breaks down sobbing. She sees you moving on the monitor in the corner of her eye and her breath hitches; you’re awake.

Mark had left the room and made no attempt at sticking around. He probably went home like the two of you should have.

She didn’t want to watch but she needed to see how you progressed. There was a collar on you’re neck that squeeze a millimeter tighter every five minutes, which originally would have killed you in an hour but she adjusted it so it gave you forty-five minutes. It’s incredible how cruel life can be. She threatened somebody’s life more just to get to you but now she might not get to you because it’s you who might die.

There was no audio but she could see all of the panic by the way you tensed, she would hate herself forever. You were not completely an idiot, thankfully. You checked all around you immediately and then found an envelope eventually in your pocket. The next thing you found was the tape recorder taped on the underside of an old table.

She had no idea what it said or how helpful the hints would be. She always debriefed John on how to disable the traps because his favorite thing was to record those tapes, so she let him. Her stomach jolted when she remembered your device cut into your neck as well. It wouldn’t draw blood until the thirty minute mark but blood loss was an added motivator to get the player to hurry up. She could tell you wanted to throw up when you heard something specific on the tape. Most likely that you would need to mutilate yourself more to find the key hidden inside your body. She had no idea where mark put it but she did know that your entire body had to be cut so you wouldn’t be able to tell exactly where it was put in your body just by looking.

You were then most likely searching for something sharp to preform the painful process of self-mutilation. She knew that the key would be put somewhere easily accessible at least given the time limit. You found a knife behind a pipe and you stared at it.

You hesitated, now what not the time for contemplation, Y/n.

She saw you sit on the ground and feel around for any foreign objects under your skin, when you paused and then continued to feel a specific spot right over your heart she went whiter than she had been.

“I didn’t tell him to put it there,” John muttered. He wasn’t worried for you but maybe a little for Amanda’s sanity. He thought she would be handling this better, he had to remind himself that this was in her best interests. He needed to make sure you were perfect for his little girl.

She just stared blankly at the screen. It had been 25 minutes already, you had just enough time to gauge the key out but you were looking worse for wear and had to be very careful with the cutting. You now had your shirt off and we’re biting down on it as the blade sliced your skin where the cut already was. You were shaking, barely managing to get the key.

By the time you got it out it was only 2 minutes left which you used to unlock the death collar. You threw it with whatever might you had left to the other side of the room.

When the timer was finally up the collar snapped tightly together. You where bleeding everywhere, but still stood back up to greet Billy the Puppet as he wheeled in to the now open door. Again she had no idea what he was saying to you but you looked right at the camera and ran out the door. She could hear your footsteps come closer to her room.

You burst in with a newfound strength and yelled as well as you could with a sliced neck,

“Amanda are you okay, oh my god I was- are you hurt? Oh-“ you stopped and looked around her, John was still there but what really confused you was that she looked not only completely fine, but that there were monitors with the room you were just in on them.

“Before you go allow me to explain,” John spoke up, “you my dear have been chosen to help revive humanity. What that was, was a test. You passed and now appreciate life. Amanda here did not know about you, however, she did make the trap. If you join us then, you too, can spread an appreciation for life.” Your eye twitched and you looked back and forth and back and forth and then collapsed.

Amanda ran to catch you, this was from blood loss and probably you finding out she was a serial killer as well as working with the man who now not only gave her trauma but you too.

You knew how fucked up that ordeal made her, you know how badly her nightmares still are. What you didn’t know was that even though she’s mentioned feeling more alive and slightly grateful that she herself would become the thing that she feared.

“She passed. I’m gonna patch her up, she just needs time,” Amanda sniffled, tears finally poured down her face. You were still here, she would never let you go again. She dragged you out of there and back to her room where all her medical supplies were, and she started to patch you up, kissing each stitch despite it getting her bloody too.

When she was done she laid you to rest and started to come up with things to say to beg you to stay when you inevitably break up with her. She doesn’t know if she can let you go but she realizes it’s ultimately your decision. She’s already hurt you so much.

Twenty minutes go by when you awake to Amanda holding your hand. Your eyes aren’t open but you desperately wish that none of that was real. The aching and stinging pain coursing through you was a dead giveaway that this was real. You peeled your eyes open to a greatfully dim room, Amanda’s room.

“Your awake,” she states.

“Were you gonna tell me if the Jigsaw killer didn’t put me in that situation?” You asked. She didn’t want to lie anymore

“No… but I wanted to forget about it myself. I just wanted to spread the message until John- the Jigsaw Killer died. I was gonna runaway with you so we could live happily. I would never miss a date night again and yeah, you wouldn’t have known about that but I couldn’t lose you. I never wanted this at all, I just didn’t want you to leave me. I will never ever hurt you again. I technically owe John my life and in the process of repaying him he treated me like a daughter more than anyone before. I know you know I’m sick but it’s so much worse than that, I care about you both so much. I would have gotten you out of there but the man who put you in there, Mark, would have killed you anyways. I know I am a sick person, I will never pay enough for this but please don’t leave me, please! You are the only thing that makes me feel normal and sane. You can leave when your better if you must. But if you are willing, we can work together, the idea is insane but you and I are proof that it works. I want to live life again and live it with you please.”

You look at her and your eyes gloss over, you have no idea what the hell to do but as much as you hate it she’s all you’ve got too. Everything is screaming at you to just run away to the hospital and get their asses arrested. Everything.

Except your heart.

You fought to live for her, you could have waited for death rather than living through this trauma but you fought to see her again and when that puppet told you she was here you had the exact same look of horror still plastered on Amanda’s face. He’s right and you know it, you want to live more. Maybe you’re more fucked up than originally thought.

“Okay” you say

She tilts her head afraid to ask you to continue so you do for her.

“I can’t leave you, but I don’t want to be a part of this idea for awhile,” you wince, “I need time to think that over but I know that after everything I still just wanna be held by you. I’ll stay…” you pause, “I don’t forgive you right now but if you ever lie to me again I will leave faster than that stupid puppet can wheel into a room. I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose, but it’s going to take a bit till I can trust you again.”

She finally lets go of a breath she’s been holding in since she met you. You’re gonna stay with her even though you know everything and went through it.

You’re staying.

“Yes, now come on into the bed I’ve had an insanely long day.”

“Anything for you”, she replies, kissing you softer than ever before.

[missmarveledsblog]

I'll show you different ( joel miller x reader ) part 7

summary : she ready , she ready to finally stand up to the man that made her life hell only to find her grandfather is in a car wreck it doesn't take her long to figure out who it was and along with meeting two new friends the pen state protection while for once in her life she get her wish will she see her loved ones again ?

warning : mention of domestic violence in the past in the whole series , car crashes , intentional car crash , kidnapping

previous part

She wanted him  to  see her ,  to see his face show him she wasn’t scared   infact she  was ready to fight back especially as she watched the tow truck that was carrying the only thing she could actually say was hers . something she paid for the moment she was divorced yes her friends help her but it was her only hers.  He broke it , wrecked in a bid to scare her only it was the opposite she was pissed , sick of being frightened .   sitting in the car as joel drove and tommy was talking away about the new show he was watching some zombie thing on hbo  she barely heard him , eyes locked on the passing town til they got to the site she barely spoke when she got out o the truck heading straight to the office ignoring her grandfathers greeting.

 “ what’s wrong with her” he asked perplexed a rarity to ever see her actually pissed only time he ever seen her angry was when he didn’t take the medication doctor gave him . 

“ asshole trashed her car” tommy scoffed already wanting to get the prick himself , knowing he was so close and still slipped by . 

“ yeah she been like a bull since “ joel nodded  none of the three were exactly in the best moods . it was a theme of the day  as she stormed and stomped around the office getting annoyed at the little things that just weren’t going the way she wanted . then the mechanic called making her sick to  her stomach ask did she know there was a dead animal in her glove box and that sherif was by.  Of course the coward would kill something defenceless she  didn’t ask what animal it was she had to stop him explaining the  details . he was escalating almost a warning she was next but she was going to get him first . 

They all sat in the cell honestly surprise never in ten years did he  ask for anything , not even  a smoke . each owed him something big , each saved from more time or penalties , some even owed him their life as they stood wondering what it could be that would be a cause to meet . 

“ henry man you gonna tell us why were here” a man spoke soft chuckle trying to ease the tension . 

“ well i’ll cut to the chase man says he’s my little girls husband , prick something about him says she back here which isn’t good  , what ever or whoever he is scared her enough to come back to this place and i  wanna do right thing , i wanna be the man i should of all those years i want her protected , i want him gone” he looked at each man watching them nod. 

“ done , maybe we can get her to come visit too “ his cell mate  ray nodded. 

“ nah she ain’t gonna do that i hurt that girl too many time to count but  now while i got the chance might not be the right way but sure as hell the way its going” he scoffed pulling the pieces of paper handing it over .  she was standing in her grandparent garden only time his lawyer wasn’t a useless fuck . 

“ she’s beautiful , we will make sure she safe” ray stood as they others did the same all men who done wrong and wanting to make amend fix their errors and some did get that connection back  even if she never saw him again henry didn’t care he was ready to face his maker , face the gates of hell with smile on his face if he could just do the one right thing for her. 

Driving home never felt good , he wanted to be their for her , keep her safe and even though he knew joel and tommy would do that . john just wanted to do what was right for his granddaughter , he wanted the best life for her . that girl was given a life that would make the devil himself shudder at and it wasn’t letting up .  Seeing her becoming happy for first and it was wiped away like all those time she was taken home as child , how she begged him and his wife to keep her and yet he thought each time would be different till he got the call he feared the one that no parent should face.  The night his daughter life was taken , his granddaughter nowhere to be found til years later he received a letter she was happy and in new york . then she returned it was like looking at his daughter broken on his doorstep only this time the story was different. She was breaking the cycle , killing a past repeating and yet it was to no avail . he felt sick to his stomach he wanted to turn the car the road empty til a car in his rearview mirror approaching and approaching fast . he moved it would follow , to point he began speeding more and more locked in a chase .  his heart sending a shooting pain the ticker letting him know this was all too much but he knew peach needed  him more threw gritted teeth he kept push , speeding to get out of the chase he found himself in . yet it wasn’t happening , his heart and his fight fading  the other car clipping his own  over and over the wheel was trying to keep the car still. His fight strong but the stranger was stronger as the car began to spin smashing in it wake as david smirked watching the path of destruction in his wake. 

“ oh my little wife i will get you and everyone that gets in my way “ he sped off looking at the carnage in the rearview mirror. 

  Tommy felt like it was coming the part where she would get pissed almost snarling at the people in town as she got the stuff for dinner .  he seen them moment he walked into the store following her doing bad job on it til he got her to get something grabbing the two mens ares and hauling their asses to other side . 

“ why you following my friend and don’t lie or ill smash your faces of the hot sauce” he looked between the two. 

“ we’re protecting her , protection detail from the boys upstate” one spat out as the other groaned .

“ your here from her dad … for protection not her ex “ he looked between the two .

“ no but you know what he looks like because we wanna talk to him” the man continued. 

“ why is her dad doing this ?” tommy mused to himself . 

“ he and our boss want to right the wrong offer protection for women in shitty situation from monsters” the man explained. 

“ her father killed her mother” tommy deadpanned. 

“ he regrets it  so he wants to protect his kid” . 

“ he also used  to beat” 

“ look we aint going on the past he wants her safe and scumbag david  sorted so we are here” the other man finally spoke up . 

The sound of glass smashing sent all three men running almost pushing each other out of the way . 

“ miss you ok” a woman called as stood frozen phone to her ear , her face contort in a flurry of pissed and saddness , 

“ tommy we need to get to the hospital … who are they ? .. it doesn’t matter” she said pulling him out only to see the truck clamped and man driving off. 

“You  drive? “ she asked the men . 

“ yeah cars around corner come on peach “ the man said as she followed wondering how he knew that and who were this men . 

“ what’s going on ?” one of the men spoke up . 

“ my grandfather he was found car wreck was all the sherif said but something tells me it not an accident sorry but who are you too “ she asked getting in the car. 

“ mike and this is freddy “ he smiled almost like a big teddy bear . 

“ your dad sent them to protect you “ tommy admitted. 

“ tell my dad to fuck off  but i need the ride … please “ she looked between the men wondering what else life was going to throw at her .  this was something she would saw even on the cards of happening and now she was wondering what was in the letter  or was this a rouse in the fact to get her to talk at some parole hearing either way it needed to be pushed to the back of her mind . what was the forefront of her mind was her grandfather literally she had just gotten him back in her life   and it was now a possibility of being alone , that he would be taken from her. She barely was listening to the men that squabbled about being too close . 

She ran into the  desk ready to ask where he was as the sheriff was able to call her , he looked tired  and his face was something she was too familiar with . she remember the night he told her that her mother was gone something no one in town knew that night when he was a deputy how he let her run , let her make the life for herself she deserved . 

“ he’s in bad way but they have him stable .. who are they ?” he asked looking to see men he’s definitely seen before . 

“ friends .. i think what happened “ she asked panting having a feeling her ex husband had something to do with it that was for sure. 

“ he was rammed from the footage and the state of his vehicle it was like someones intent of to do damage” . 

“ david .. david was intent he’s trying to make me come to him “ she mused as she stood outside the room looking in to the real damage that was cause the one person that alway tried to make her safe , the one  who fought and no one believed  . the one who held  her when she cried to stay  before she was pulled away . one who risked his life to keep her safe even now and he was hurt by just being her family a man who done nothing but good a victim because of her , because of a man who just couldn’t get over being told no .    this needed to end and it need to end with her  no one else was going to get hurt  she promised that in that moment it was going to be the last time . 

She sat her head on tommy lap when joel showed up  the red puffy eyes and dried tears as tommy own face wasn’t too different . 

“Shit is he? “ joel asked . 

“ nah he’s  stable for now but it’s not looking good man “ he sniffled trying not to disturb her. 

“ i’ll kill the bastard” he growled . 

“ actually that our job .. he safe” a voice called as joel turned seeing two men standing with coffee . 

“ yeah my brother  joel this is  mike and freddy  penstate protection “ he mused taking the coffee. 

“ as in joel “ mike nodded to peach as tommy nodded. “ hey man nice to meet you “ he smiled widely. 

“ prison guards? “ joel asked . 

“ we know some” freddy sat on the chair .  

“ would you like some coffee” mike asked. 

“ joel ?” her voice croaked . 

“ yeah its me peach darling i’m here” he crouched the pure pain in her eyes made him want to search the bastard out himself put end to all this and yet her hand holding his told him that could wait . she needed him and hell if she needed him to burn the world he would  in that moment he would do anything . 

“ hey guys wanna go get food “ tommy stood fixing himself nodded to the door as freddy took the hint and pulled a clueless mike out . 

“Come here” he said pulling her into his arms listening to the sobs that  came it wasn’t first time she was like this position crying in joel’s arms .  she felt safe around him , felt safe enough to be so vulnerable  . it was something she didn’t do usually people never saw the tears locked behind the facade of being strong , nothing was happening , her own mask of sorts and not many saw the side one where she was able to cry so freely .  she stayed there like it was last time and it could be , see once she saw the chance she was going to get out and she was going to face the monster that haunted and hunted her down . she couldn’t let him hurt joel , tommy or the girls because he was petty enough to do so . her eyes looking up at the glass  she willed her body not to tense not to show signs of what she saw the very monster staring down at her , seething seeing her in the arms of another .  

“ hey joel  watch him for me i need to go toilet one that has a dispenser” she shyly said hating how good she was at lying as she slipped her phone into her pocket . walking out the door and heading off in the direction of the toilet completely before diverting  . she could feel his step coming , she almost felt his  breathe on the back of her neck . 

“ you know not to run baby i’ll always find you “ he smirked pulling her to the stairwell just as tommy and the men came around the corner completely caught in a conversation of the show he was watching . 

part 8

taglist : @harriedandharassed @missladym1981

[the-ace-with-spades]

Ranting here because I'm feeling things and just need to get it out before tomorrow

I definitely feel less safe in Poland in general than in the UK. The medical staff at the eye doctor ended up being amazing but there were some snide remarks and side-eyeing from different people that doesn't make me feel great. People in the UK definitely mind their business more and even if they don't approve of me being trans/visibly queer, I don't feel physically unsafe

On the other hand, my nan definitely has beginnings of dementia and memory issues. Her misgendering me is like 90% memory issues and have been explaining to her the situation again and again every day. I do not know how to bring it up with anyone from the family here and don't think they will acknowledge it because they hate me so much but she needs to be monitored for deterioration and have an assessment with a neurologist because this can spiral easily. I just feel powerless really

Also my mum wants me to come to my parents house for dinner and I really don't want to. Like she's pulled through and helped me getting around in the country when shit got tough for a min but also she is not really fully accepting (she still calls me her daughter etc etc) and my dad is going to be there and he is beyond not accepting, he is fucking toxic and I don't want to talk to him, I've just dealt with all the bad feelings he's given me in the years prior to some extent and now this

Another bit is that my sib is definitely drifting away and very self-centred at times and lost a lot of the empathy I tried to build in them and now it almost feels like me being here and being trans and trying to keep the rest of my bio family intact is an inconvenience for them. I literally feel like I'm the only one trying to keep this relationship afloat and I just don't know what to do about it

[ilguna]

☼ home (Johanna Mason) ☼

summary; you don't have to worry anymore. you're safe, and so is she.

warnings; swearing, death mention.

wc; 1.4k

–

The train doors open with a gentle gush of air, revealing your home to you. The sun is particularly bright today, the warmth washing over your skin. You’re met with the sight of a bustling train station, and green trees stretching into the blue sky. 

Johanna’s the first to step onto the train station, taking in a deep breath through her nose. You can see her close her eyes, as she holds the scent of pine trees for a long moment, basking in the fact that you’ve made it. You’re back in District Seven, after a long year.

She lets the breath out through her lips, and then turns to you with her hand outstretched for yours. You intertwine your fingers, squeezing tightly as you walk to join her side. Together, the two of you go down the cement steps, taking your first step onto District Seven soil.

It’s not perfect by any means, there’s still burnt down buildings and rubble. Volunteers are driving around carts, some are stocked with food, which they’re dropping off in busy parts of the district. Others have greenery, more flowers, more trees, spreading seeds in the barren parts, trying to bring back the color it once had.

There’s a few people that greet you as you come in. You try to say hello to as many people as possible, even starting conversations, but Johanna keeps pulling you along, refusing to let go of your hand. You wave goodbye, and promise that you’ll come back and visit. You’re going to be here for a while.

You don’t blame Johanna for not slowing down. She doesn’t want to talk to any of these people. No matter how many times you demanded for them to keep the two of you out of the news, regardless of people asking for updates—they never listened. It’s the same for Peeta, and Annie, and Katniss. 

Everyone who's been affected by Snow is the hottest topic. You thought that once this war ended, you’d never have to deal with the spotlight ever again. You don’t want people asking about how you are. You just want them to leave you alone.

If you’re feeling like this, you can’t imagine what Johanna’s been bottling inside of her since Katniss shot that arrow at Coin. The way she brushed off the interrogation about what you two might’ve known, because the government officials that had been temporarily elected thought that she was close friends with Katniss, when that wasn’t the case.

Johanna tolerated Katniss. 

She hasn’t said a word about the incident, when normally, she’d be talking your ear off about it. How stupid they are for coming at her, how stupid Katniss is for killing Coin, how much she wishes she could’ve been the one to kill Coin and Snow. How much she would’ve paid to see the rebels’ faces when their head leader was killed.

You don’t know what’s happening with her, and it’s beginning to worry you. You’re starting to think about contacting that doctor that’s been treating Katniss. If he thinks he can help, then you’re going to want it.

You know Johanna’s been through a lot. For fuck’s sake, you know better than what anyone else does. She told you what happened in the Training Center, what they did to her. She told you the various things they did to Peeta to destroy him mentally. The worst part was they kept lying to her. They convinced her you were somewhere in that building, and everytime she held back, you got beat for it.

It explained that look on her face when you came running into the District Thirteen hospital. She was coming off the sedative that they were given to ensure a quiet escape without any complications. Her face lit up, and then she was so confused on how you were okay. Where were the cuts and bruises? How were you standing in front of her just fine?

What should’ve been a happy reunion turned into an interrogation as she tried to figure out the truth. She wasn’t kind about it by any means, she got a little aggressive, grabbing at your arms hard enough to leave bruises. The conversation was cut short minutes later when Peeta strangled Katniss. And with the way Johanna was reacting with you, she was whisked away to make sure she was okay. 

The only person that got to have their happy reunion was Finnick.

Johanna still feels guilty for the bruise. You’re glad that it healed quickly, because now you spend most of your time convincing her that there wasn’t a bruise at all. You don’t know what she’s talking about.

Victor’s Village is miraculously still standing when you come up to it. There’s a few letters missing from the sign, probably because of the storm that ripped through here a few weeks ago. It’s as if mother nature knew something wasn’t right, having her people fight each other. She took all of her tears out here. You two were told that it caused a flood.

Your houses were untouched, though. The neighborhood is built to be able to filter out the water. This had to be the nicest place in the district at any given time, in case pictures were to be taken.

It’s a ghost town, walking through the street, knowing that you two are the only surviving victors from here. Blight died in the arena. As for the others, they died trying to get out of here, or they were killed by their own people surrounding them. It’s a tragedy. You can’t imagine having that many people turn on you.

Johanna leads you straight to her house. You follow her up the steps, letting go of her hand when she reaches for the doorknob. You’re about to say that it might be locked, when she swings the front door wide open. Leave it to her to have her door unlocked for months. 

She disappears inside, not waiting for you. You stop at the top, turning around to see the dead plants, the dry fountain. You can’t wait for it to come back alive again. You just need to bring it up to the volunteers. If you’re going to be expected to live here, it needs to be restored to how it was before the Quarter Quell. The greenery is what made Victor’s Village home.

You go through the door after that, shutting it behind you. Johanna’s already sitting on her couch, staring at the television. You’re fairly surprised that her house wasn’t raided, considering the television sets can be pawned for lots of money. You guess that there was no point in doing it.

She doesn’t turn it on, doesn’t even move when you take a seat next to her. To think you sat here and watched Snow announce the Quell. The way you and Johanna numbly sat here, afraid of the months to come, and the aftermath of the Games. You two agreed that whoever got chosen would go inside, and there would be no fight to volunteer over each other.

“That’s it, isn’t it?” Johanna breathes, voice quiet. “We’re done.”

You smile, “Just me and you from now on.”

She nods, eyes panning down to her hands. You watch as her face twists, bottom lip trembling. You’re wrapping your arms around her when the first tear slides down her cheek. She grips onto you tightly, letting out a sob.

You close your eyes, tilting your head back to resist the tears that want to join her. Now that you know there won’t be another tragedy, that it’s just you two here for the rest of your lives if you want it. You’re safe. You’re safe from the terror that’s been following you for your entire life.

The tears are hot on your cheeks, you breathe out shakily.

“They’re gone.” She cries, sniffing hard. “All of them. What are we going to do?”

“Honor them.” You press your cheek to the top of her head, where her hair has begun to grow back, soft and healthy. “We’re here for them, so we’ll live for them. We never have to worry again, Johanna.”

“I know.” 

[goodluckclove]

On the Autonomy of Character (Or: How I Fucked Up and am Now Fucked)

Hi! It's me. It's Clove Gardener, the writer who was diagnosed as schizoaffective at age 12 but 15 years later was informed that they would've likely been entirely neurodivergent if not for the severe C-PTSD that those doctors in their childhood missed at the time. Oops. Turns out I just have a big imagination, and that's going to come across strong in what I have to talk about today.

I'm a big proponent of character autonomy in writing - always have been, always will be. I don't outline more than a loose conception of what I'd like to happen, but as I say that I know there's a chance that i might not. Because what I hold highest in my work is my sense of character, which often results in my characters being the ones that get to control what actually happens.

I hear a lot of writers allude to this in posts on here, but they don't go into detail. I'm going to try and explain what that means to me in an attempt to make the process make more sense to writers who prefer a bit more control and structure.

(edit: this is a ramble be warned)

For the most part it's not too obtrusive. I'll use my novel Blind Trust (E-Book available now, paperback hopefully coming out next week) as an example. There's a point in writing it that Edgar, our befuddled initial narrator, learned some information that would really come as as a shock to his love interest Scott.

Well, okay, I mused as I wrote it, he would want this to be a secret. I'll have to navigate that.

Counter to that thought, Edgar ended up telling Scott immediately. Literally, as soon as the two of them were alone. Because by then, even though I knew it would make more thematic sense, I had enough of a grasp on Edgar's character to know that he would not be able to keep this to himself.

That's usually what it looks like. Small ripples that change the current, but ultimately keep the boat riding easily. Then, a solid 100k into the sequel Migration Patterns (Also I just realized I hit 100k yay me), my cast made the biggest executive decision of the story so far.

Let me explain. Where I'm at right now, Katy Delaney and her brother are in Nebraska, and they have to drive a few states over to Oregon. The problem is that Katy is currently having her brother's house patrolled constantly by guards from Stillrush Outreach Center, the closest witch town. This includes three birthrights, one of which being Fern, a deaf ex-Navy Seal.

So that was my problem. These guards are tasked specifically to keep Katy safe, meaning they aren't going to want her to fuck off for no good reason. She needed to escape, right? That's what I thought. That's what Katy and her brother thought too. So after some brainstorming with my wife I ended up devising a ploy for them to fake a fire that would allow them to escape in the following chaos.

Here's the thing, though - and this really centers on the fact that Fern is causing me a lot more trouble than I expected for a character that was meant to be a one-off escort. The plan was to make enough smoke in a trash can fire to trigger the alarm and call a truck - but of course the guards would see it too.

Two Academic witches don't pose too much of an inconvenience - they're rule followers, they know to wait for authority. Even the two less-experienced birthrights would wait for orders before trying anything. Fern, though. Jesus Christ. Fern had years of training and an immense knight's complex, so before the firetruck even had a chance to get there they burst through the front window in case she needed to be rescued.

I didn't plan for this, but it made sense. Birthrights aren't typically bad people - they aren't all perfect, but birthright magic is typically used in the name of either social services or community good. So if someone needs help, a birthright helps - it's just a part of the culture. It definitely clashed with my plans to have Katy escape and get on the road.

And it also immediately made Katy feel like a total asshole, because of course it did. She typically gets itchy and uncomfortable around shows of heroism and goodness, even though at her core he is very much a good person. So now Clove, the writer wants Katy to book it and go on a fun road trip with her brother. But Katy Delaney sees someone who got hurt trying to save her from a danger that she made up, and she immediately thinks "well fuck, now i have to help".

So she helps Fern out of the house, and once they get themselves patched up and Katy meekly explains the weird prank and the situation it was trying to solve (Trying to keep the spoilers at a minimum), Fern is silent for a long time. Then they make a very simple conclusion.

I'm coming with you, they say.

Now Clove, the writer, the one who brought these people into existence, is like "NO. I DID NOT PLAN FOR THIS. I HAVE TO WRITE TWO MORE BOOKS AND YOU WERE NOT GOING TO BE IN THEM, FERN. WHERE DO YOU GO NOW? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO OREGON?"

But Katy feels guilty. Katy feels tired. Katy's very disorientated by how much she's suddenly feeling.

"I DO NOT THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT IN BLUEROSE, FERN," Clove, the writer, tries to insist. "I DON'T THINK THE PEOPLE IN BLUEROSE WILL LIKE THAT YOU HAVE A GUN AND KNOW HOW TO USE IT, FERN."

But Fern feels obligated to Katy. Maybe she reminds them of someone they used to know. Someone that they failed in the past and refuse to fail again.

"I DID NOT PLAN FOR GUN-TOUTING WITCHES TO BE THIS BIG A PLOT ELEMENT IN MY COMFORT-CORE ASEXUAL FANTASY SERIES, FERN," Clove wails inside their head.

It's too late, though. Clove is weaker than Fern and as much of a bleeding-heart as Katy insists she isn't. Katy agrees, and now I have two and a half books that now must at least make reference to an ex-military witch who's quick with a gun and canonically loves ska.

I don't have an inspirational ending for this. I truly don't. I'm gonna do it, because I know it's what the characters would do, and shoving them in a mold that does not fit just to appease my false sense of ego would turn storytelling into masturbation.

So yeah, guys. Fern is here. They don't have a first or a last name or any real appearance other than tall and I think tattooed, but fuck it. Fuck it. Whatever, guys. You win.