#and that’s why individual assignments>>>>>

[zkaus]

Why do people love Armand?

For me, it's because he's an fascinating and unusual character. He's a heady mix of sympathetic, horrifying, pitiful and intoxicating. His sense of self/identity is both tumultuous and brittle, and his motivations, seemingly hypocritical, are destructive and yet desperately seeking of love.

Armand's entire existence has been lived on unstable ground. He's only ever known power dynamics and highly conditional forms of love. Everyone that commodified or objectified him, carved away pieces of his sense of self until there was nothing left. They abused, shattered and re-molded him. Again and again. And those who didn't commodify his body, used him in other ways (eg. to enforce their extremist dogma).

Armand was never given the chance to develop a true sense of self, and the resulting desperation he feels is bitterly plaintive, sorrowful and yet incredibly damaging to others. His perceived reality is one of impending cruelty, loss of autonomy, and inevitable abuse or abandonment. Where his identity is defined as either the dogmatic leader encumbered by rules he must enforce, or to be ruled over by another.

"If I’m not with him, I’m nothing.”

He's terrified of being alone, unmoored from another, because he doesn't know who he is without them. So Armand claws for affection and direction from those he perceives as a possible Master. Seemingly willingly relinquishing his leadership role... While still defensively scheming to retain power, and desperately clinging to the security of his own manipulations. While trying to shape an identity around the roles others (willingly and unwilling) create for him, but...

Who is Armand really?

Who is he apart from the roles others have assigned to him? It's a fascinating question.

From parents who sold him, to cruel sailors using his body for their pleasure, brothel owners further abusing him, to being purchased by a predator. A Master who gave him to others to abuse yet again, who cultivated undeserved adoration and dependency. A child's innocence, so destroyed, his entire identity shattered. Again and again. The slave child, the prostitute, the adoring apprentice, the cult leader, the Maîtré, the companion of Louis? Who is he as an individual?

“Who am I, Louis? Am I my history I have endured? Am I the job I do not want? I do not know anymore. No one has painted me in over 400 years.”

He doesn't know. And that terrifies him.

I can't help but feel that if only someone, anyone had actually loved him (had taught him how love should be) he might have had a chance, might have become a better person.

Instead, he became a man scared and brutalized, now brutalizing others. Forced into enacting laws and beliefs which were not his own, forced into filth and worship of satan, in the service of an uncaring god. And when that was taken away, his cult shattered, his identity shattered. He fell back to the role of dogmatic leader.

Arun > Amadeo > Armand > Maître > ?

I've read the books, so I know that version of him very well. But the show version is even more complex in many ways, he has different layers to his story, and psychological nuances to unpack. And so many questions and possible directions for his character...

Who will he become now he has turned Daniel? What are his true reasons for first sacrificing, then saving Louis? What role did he play in the destruction of the Coven? How is Daniel so special to him that he would break his 500 year old vow? What does he want from Daniel now? Do they have a history together beyond San Francisco? How far will he go? Can he ever love anyone without maiming them? Physically and/or psychologically? What does love mean for him now that he has turned Daniel? Etc etc...

That's why he's so fascinating!!

[wlwcatalogue]

A Gay Girl's Guide to Takarazuka

L to R: Sagiri Seina, Ouki Kaname, Amami Yuuki, Asumi Rio, Wao Youka, Asaji Saki, Shiraki Ayaka

If you’re queer and into theatre or Japanese media, chances are that you will have heard of all-female theatre company Takarazuka Revue… but it’s also equally likely that you won’t have checked out anything of theirs. For those who are curious but were intimidated by its over 100 years of history, or who just want a quick primer to ease in, click below!

1. Why get into Takarazuka?

L to R: Rei Makoto in Tiara Azul (2024), Yuzuka Rei

For those into androgynous women

As you probably already know, Takarazuka's big selling point is that it's an all-female theatre company where the male characters are played by women. The actresses are expected to continue presenting that way off-stage, which in practice means a lot of handsome women with short hair in binders and men's clothing... Why that might appeal to people who are into androgynous women (or GNC/enby folks) is pretty obvious.

Reality Check:

Sadly, after "graduation" (i.e. leaving Takarazuka), nearly all such actresses will transition into feminine presentation and take on female roles. It's similar to the "lesbian glasshouse" idea in Class S yuri, but for gender non-conformity. That said, there are some notable counter-examples: Shion Yuu and Nanami Hiroki have basically refused to change their presentation after graduating (the latter still frequently plays male characters in both anime and stage productions), and things are more relaxed lower down the rungs too.

L to R: Wao Youka & Hanafusa Mari, Sagiri Seina & Sakihi Miyu

For those into butch/femme pairs

Just as roughly half of Takarazuka's actresses specialise in male roles (otokoyaku/男役), there is another half specialising in female roles (musumeyaku/娘役). On top of that, Takarazuka is split into five different troupes, and for any given production, the male lead and female lead are automatically assigned to that troupe's "top star" (leading otokoyaku) and "top musumeyaku" (leading musumeyaku) - the "top combi".

Unlike leading pairs in other theatrical traditions, the "top combi" concept extends to them being marketed as a pair in interviews, magazine features, TV programmes, etc. Just watch the mini TV special where Sagiri Seina and Sakihi Miyu visit Tokyo Skytree and Sumida Aquarium-- it's basically a date, and is described as such by the commentating TV announcer. Likewise, Wao Youka and Hanafusa Mari were interviewed about being a "golden combi" by women's magazine Fujin Kouron (though to be fair this was after they had, improbably, managed to win a Kikuta Kazuo Theatre Award - an award for individuals - jointly, for their "splendid performance as a combi" in 2004's Boxman).

Taken to its extreme, there have been cases where the Japanese public have been convinced that a top combi was dating, as with the immensely popular 1980's pair Daichi Mao and Kuroki Hitomi... It's no wonder that the actresses themselves frequently describe it as being like an arranged marriage.

Separately, due to certain reasons, it's practically part of the job description for top musumeyaku to adore their top star partners. This, in theory, inadvertently creates a safe space for any top musumeyaku who could be gay for their stage partners... Just to illustrate, during her graduation speech, Hinami Fuu repeatedly referred to her feelings for her top star partner Hokushou Kairi as koi (恋), a word specifically denoting romantic love, and nobody blinked an eye.

Reality Check:

Due to conservative attitudes in both Japan and Takarazuka itself, most actresses go on to marry men, including many of those named above. Vanishingly few are publically out, though former otokoyaku Higashi Koyuki (stage name Aura Maki) is a queer activist and was one half of the first same-sex couple to be married in Japan, and another former otokoyaku, Misuzu Aki, has been living with her female partner in Europe for years. Just, well, don't forget that being married to a man isn't necessarily evidence of heterosexuality.

L to R: Asumi Rio in The Poe Clan (2018), Sagiri Seina in Rurouni Kenshin (2016)

For lovers of anime and manga

Takarazuka is probably best-known as the inspiration behind Revolutionary Girl Utena, Revue Starlight, Kageki Shoujo, and Sailor Moon’s Haruka and Michiru, but did you know that it also inspired seminal works featuring androgynous female leads such as Princess Knight? If you enjoy “prince-type” characters in yuri, you’ve got them to thank

Apart from inspiring anime and manga, Takarazuka also does quite a few animanga adaptations itself! Most famous are their Rose of Versailles musicals, but other popular adaptations include Ace Attorney, Rurouni Kenshin, Lupin III, Boys Over Flowers, and Hagio Moto’s bishounen vampire vehicle The Poe Clan. They’re also doing a Castlevania musical this year!

Wao Youka & Hanafusa Mari in Phantom (2004)

For the theatre nerds

Female Phantom of the Opera, duh

Jokes aside, Takarazuka’s unique position in the theatre world can't be overstated. As a rule, all-female productions are either smaller-scale, one-offs dependent on the work, or part of a theatrical tradition completely separate to Western-style plays or musicals (hello, Chinese Yue opera). Takarazuka is the exception: it offers productions comparable in size and scale (and budget) to the largest West End and Broadway musicals - it just so happens that it's all-female.

If the all-female aspect doesn’t excite you then why are you here, then let me emphasise again: Takarazuka is totally worth checking out as a production company in its own right. It is very much a part of the broader Japanese musical industry, and one of its powerhouses at that. Just take a look at some of these clips from past productions (all around 5 mins or less):

(a) Maeda Keiji - a musical loosely inspired by real-life samurai Maeda Keiji; features an uncannily convincing horse performed by two people in costume which needs to be seen to be believed (b) Ephemeral Love - a period piece about the doomed love between Prince Rudolph of the Hapsburgs and his lover Marie Vetsera (c) The Man Who Never Sleeps - a biographical musical about Napoleon Bonaparte (d) Casino Royale - an adaptation of the 2006 James Bond movie of the same name (e) BADDY - an off-the-wall sci-fi comedy featuring loads of velvet suits, silly shellfish outfits, and queerness.

Wao Youka and Hanafusa Mari in Dracula (2011)

2. Random Queer-ish Trivia

It's pretty common for former otokoyaku to be cast in WLW roles: Sena Jun headlined the 2018 Japanese production of Fun Home, Otozuki Kei cameoed as a lesbian escort in 2022 LGBTQ-themed J-drama Kojinsa Arimasu, and Seto Kazuya played the owner of a lesbian bar in 2024 yuri J-drama Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko. (Incidentally, Sal Jiang, the original creator of Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko, has mentioned being a fan of Sena Jun when she was younger)

Otokoyaku are sometimes mistaken for men, with amusing results: Yuzuka Rei was thought to be a “host” by a passer-by while talking to her fans, and Houshou Dai has mentioned being hit on by a woman before. But the prize goes to Todoroki Yuu, who like many women once had to rebuff unwanted advances from a man—except in her case, he thought that she was a guy

Before entering Takarazuka, Sou Kazuho – eventual Snow Troupe top star – went to a co-ed school and had long hair. To her confusion, this didn’t stop her classmates from asking her to play a male character (possibly the male lead, IIRC) in the school play. They saw her as an otokoyaku even before she did!

Continuing with the high school theme, former Cosmos Troupe top star Wao Youka has boasted about how in her high school days, she received more Valentine’s chocolates than her brother, and in fact second-most out of her year. Important note: she went to a girls’ school

Speaking of Wao Youka, her 2011 Dracula (see photo above) - from @cryoverkiltmilk's “Cunt Dykecula” post - wasn't actually a Takarazuka production! Since Wao was acquainted with and later married its composer Frank Wildhorn, some assume he was the one to cast her, and that Hanafusa Mari was brought in due to being her old stage partner. But Wildhorn had wanted Wao to play the female lead. It was she who insisted on Dracula. And Hanafusa wasn't just a third party... she had been Wao's manager since 2007, having retired from the stage after graduating and only just returned with 2010's Dietrich. (She played Edith Piaf, legendary chanson singer and “very good friend” of bisexual icon Marlene Dietrich, played by Wao.) Dracula was the swan song for their partnership, with Hanafusa going on to conquer the Japanese musical industry as she had Takarazuka-- but it marked the first, and so far only, time a top combi performed as romantic partners after graduating.

On a separate note, renowned queer photographer Leslie Kee has been responsible for taking the cover portraits for Takarazuka's offical monthly publication Kageki (歌劇) since 2010. You should definitely check out his ongoing "Out in Asia" project – he's taken literally thousands of photos of out queer people in Japan, Singapore, and Taiwan in a bid to raise visibility

Lastly, in November 2015, Takarazuka City became the first Japanese city outside of Tokyo to announce its support for same-sex partnerships… though this may of course be a total coincidence.

Flower Troupe in Takarazuka Fantasia (2015 Taiwan tour)

3. Where to Start?

Nearly all Takarazuka shows since the 1990's are available on DVD (earlier ones are on VHS), and these recordings are very well done - they have great video and audio quality, are well-edited, and use a large number of camera angles

They do livestreams and live broadcasts of performances as well! You can watch a livestream from your mobile or PC by spoofing your location. For a more communal experience, if you're in Japan, Taiwan, or Hong Kong, you can catch live broadcasts of Grand Theatre performances at a local cinema

VODs of selected productions are available on various platforms, including Amazon Japan, though this still requires location spoofing. If you're actually living in Japan, you can also consider subscribing to Takarazuka's official TV channel (yes, that's a thing) Sky Stage - they do a lot of reruns of past performances

With that done, here are several recommendations if none of the productions mentioned throughout the post caught your eye!

(a) Elisabeth - Michael Kunze and Sylvester Levay's musical about Empress Elisabeth ("Sisi") of Austria and the fall of the Hapsburg Empire, featuring an (inevitably very sexy) personification of Death and fantastic music. Takarazuka has done many, many productions of this, so just search them and pick whichever looks most appealing - but you won't go wrong with the 2014 Flower Troupe production, which has a very strong cast and a more refined version of the staging

(b) Phantom - Arthur Kopit and Maury Yeston's adaptation of Phantom of the Opera. Though obviously not the ALW version, the music is actually pretty great and Takarazuka goes all-out on the costumes and stage magic. All the productions are wonderful, but my favourite is the original 2004 version (which is also the one which went viral on Tumblr before - thanks, @wheel-of-fish!)

(c) Rose of Versailles - no list would be complete without Takarazuka's representative work, buuut I wouldn't necessarily recommend starting here if you're looking for a typical musical experience. There are loads of productions to choose from - note that these are split between a version focused on protagonist Oscar, and another focused on Marie Antoinette and her lover Fersen - but the 1991 Moon Troupe production is my personal pick

(d) Casanova - a light-hearted romp in which Casanova is reimagined as a charming playboy who falls for the feminist-minded daughter of Venice's mayor... only, she doesn't know his real identity. The very catchy music was commissioned from Dove Attia, the producer behind French musicals Mozart, l'opera Rock and 1789: Les Amants de la Bastille. Check out the performance digest here!

(e) Shinjuu: Koi no Yamatoji - Takarazuka puts Chikamatsu Monzaemon's tale of the doomed love between a commoner and a courtesan to a classic rock score (see this clip!). An Edo-era work that doesn't just focus on samurai and nobility, this romantic tragedy offers a grounded look at the social pressures of the time. (Though if you do want to watch something focusing on Japanese nobility, I highly recommend Takarazuka original and guaranteed tearjerker Hoshiai Hitoyo.) There are quite a few productions of this, but I've only watched the 2014 Snow Troupe one, which was very good.

Thanks so much for reading! Please feel free to DM me or send an ask if you have any questions~ I definitely want to do a follow-up post on musumeyaku, and maybe delve into Wao and Hanafusa's history (it's messy, but fascinating)... but we'll see!

[roaringroa]

hate doing in class assignments with random ppl cause they never fucking properly read the question like yes i agree what you’re saying is right BUT IT’S NOT WHAT IS BEING ASKED!!!! READ IT AGAIN!!!!

[martianmeerkat]

I'm going to respond to this only because I didn't even see it earlier. 1) we were both having the discussion, and I had posted the comments before realizing you had added another comment asking to move to reblogs. That was poor timing and had I seen it sooner I would've moved it sooner, however I had not seen it and therefore I apologize.

Another thing, I dont state Dany as the breaker of chains and mother of dragons as a political thing. I stated it with the intention of showing that she is strong and capable without being a martially trained warrior. Which is something that would be appreciated, formal education or not. I had hoped that's how it would be interpreted, but it seems that was not the case. My apologies for not being more clear.

I said this in the comments but it must've gotten lost somewhere or maybe it's another thing I wasn't clear on and therefore got muddled. I do not see Dany as a helpmate for Jon. I'm not particularly invested in the two of them being endgame of any sorts. As for Dany herself her character is extremely complex and contradictory to itself in a lot of ways that make sense for her character and all of the suffering she goes through. In no way am I trying to diminish everything she's gone through. I was unclear on that and therefore that is my fault.

On the sexist part, a few things. 1) I did not make any statement suggesting that men could not be covertly or overtly sexist, nor any statement that it was okay for them to do so. Apologies for not being clear on that. 2) I do not appreciate the "you are a drop in the pool of humanity" as it implies my own experiences are invalid, but that's fine, pop off. It's not about me anyways, I only mentioned it as an attempt to discuss that there is more than one way to be sexist, but I was not clear about that and therefore that point is moot. 3) I made no attempt to claim women are more sexist than men, though I can understand how that can come across from the way I worded things, and for that I apologize. Sexism is a struggle regardless of where the source comes from. 4) I have long been struggling of diving deep into the primary source of sexism and why it exists, and frankly it gets even more difficult and disheartening the deeper I go. It's hard to get through, but it is an effort years in the making. I do apologize for failing to get my scattered thoughts across in a more clear and structured manner that would be eligible for others to understand. 5) Whether you take this as disingenuous is up to you, that is your right to interpret this as you wish. I'm not going to make excuses for my words and actions, I will only apologize as I can tell this is troubling you, and for that, I am sorry.

For clarification because in the reblog this was continued, I will explain more along my thought process as best I can, but it is not necessary for you to read, and I will not judge you if you wish to stop reading here.

I referenced the world in which Jon lives as being sexist in order to try and address the fact that he would have been raised with sexist ideals, and as such that would cloud his judgement going forward. The way I see it, and have had experience with such in the real world, is that there is intentional sexism, and sexism by affiliation. When it is intentional, it is done with the express intent to cause harm, belittle, claim superiority over, manipulate, or otherwise use someone on basis of their gender/assigned sex. It is done with the express knowledge that what is being done is painful but willing to go through it anyways out of dislike for the individual whether on a personal basis or on virtue of being a part of a group one dislikes. Sexism by affiliation on the other hand is done without intention and without the knowledge that what is being done is causing harm. It needs to be addressed all the same, yes, because there is still harm done, but if anything can be used as a learning opportunity rather than an end all be all. If, after an attempt to educate, the behavior continues, then it is intentional and by all means, have at thee. If, after learning, the individual changes and the behavior does not continue, I see it as a byproduct of the world we live in and not a reflection of the individual's character. I, personally, am of the belief that it is better to give people the room to grow than to live in a world where a mistake made out of ignorance should color the rest of their life. I failed in getting this across, both in my discussion of Jon and Dany's character as well as my words to you directly. So I apologize for that as well.

The discussion very quickly got off course from the point that irritated me the most about Anon's post and I failed to keep my emotions in check and reread the comment before making it. In all actually, I can see the point Anon was initially making, and in part I can agree with some of what Anon was saying. There is a part of me that can't help but feel like there was a gross oversimplification of Dany's wants due to her conflicting desires as her story progresses, but for the sake of the initial point I will simply let that be. I do think the mention of the politics surrounding both Dany and Jon are necessary in critical discussions about their character, not because I view them as pawns in a game, but because a lot can be said about a person in how they respond to difficult challenges, and as such we learn about both characters via their political situations and not just their inner monologue. Which to me is important in understanding them as individuals, but I can understand if that's not how other people see it. I didn't really do a good job explaining that. Not that I made much of an attempt on that front regardless. I also think that the moral complications of both of their situations add a certain depth that is not mentioned much, often glossed over either in an attempt to ignore it or in an attempt to throw a label on them that doesn't quite fit when looked at the context as a whole. The situation with Gilly was not done because she was a woman or out of the belief that women were lesser and thus is not done out of sexism it was because of the lives in danger and a chance at preventing more to be lost. There are definitely elements of sexism present, because it does take place at the nights watch, a place where Gilly cannot remain for her own safety, which is definitely a consequence of a sexist society. But that is not a fault of Jon's. It is far from a good situation, and by no means does it make the choice good, but a choice had to be made regardless. Just as there are situations in Dany's chapters where she has made choices that if circumstances were different, would not have been a choice she made. Elements of the same forces she is fighting that are present in her own actions. But that doesn't make her the oppressor by default of having previously benefited from aspects of the oppressive system.

I feel like I'm probably just making this worse by responding at all, but I took my meds between when this discussion was started and when this response was made. That by no means excuses any of my actions or any offense that was made, but I do sincerely mean it when I say there was no intention to dismiss you personally or cause you any personal grief and that if I have done so, I am sorry. I think a personal trigger was hit and was taken out on you, which is by no means your fault and you do not have to apologize for defending your point. I hope you have a good night (or whatever time of day it is for you)

Jon Snow’s misogyny toward feminine women who brush their hair and wait for knights to rescue them vs. Daenerys being feminine and wanting a man to carry her off is another clear indication of how incompatible Jon is for her:

In her dream they had been man and wife, simple folk who lived a simple life in a tall stone house with a red door. — ADWD, Daenerys II

Starlight and seafoam, Dany thought, a wisp of silk that leaves my left breast bare for Daario’s delight. Oh, and flowers for my hair. —Daenerys IV, ADWD

In my Seven Kingdoms, knights go on quests to prove themselves worthy of the maiden that they love. — ADWD, Daenerys IV

How beautiful, the queen tried to tell herself, but inside her was some foolish little girl who could not help but look about for Daario. If he loved you, he would come and carry you off at swordpoint, as Rhaegar carried off his northern girl, the girl in her insisted, but the queen knew that was folly. — ADWD, Daenerys VII

Another proof that Snowstorm shippers just see Daenerys as a self insert and don’t really know, like, or enjoy her character. Daenerys is NOT a warrior woman. She’s never had the privilege of being militarily or martially trained or given weapons to duel with. She likes brushing her hair and keeping it clean and bathing, things Jon seems to take issue with women doing.

Daenerys is willowy and tiny in stature as well, not hardened and tall. Yet more proof she isn’t Jon’s type and is exactly the type of feminine woman Jon reviles and is repeatedly derisive and misogynistic toward in his POV.

And I hate Jon’s line because Daenerys is a vulnerable and young orphan girl who suffered severe abuse from her brother. She wants to be rescued and protected. I don’t care about what Jon wants, except when it conflicts with what Daenerys wants.

This is an actually pretty good point to consider. Has there actually been some evidence that Jon would "make an exception" towards Dany or otherwise value ttis aspect to her for jonerys/snowstorm fans?

[sysig]

Coding woes (Patreon)

[softavasilva]

I NEED TO BE SET FREE OF ALL THESE FUCKASS GROUP PROJECTS

[fuwaprince]

When somebody only uses my chosen name while putting me down, it kind of makes me wish I didn't have a name at all.

And when somebody only uses my pronouns when they try to coerce me into something, then switch back to they/them when talking about me to anybody else, it kind of makes me uncomfortable af.

I sincerely do not enjoy being labeled or referred to. Being referred to is such a negative experience for me irl.

Yet not giving people a set of name/pronouns when they ask automatically seems to make them think you're secretly a serial killer trying to cover up something?????? Or like you're untrustworthy and must be hiding because you're a Bad Person instead of just not wanting to label yourself.

Can I just please not be forced to label myself for everybody else's comfort?

I feel like that information is so personally intimate anyways like unless you know me and we're close, why do you even care? I don't think it's necessary for the first stages of getting to know somebody even though in this culture we've normalized it to be that way.

Plus if I don't give you a name then I have the opportunity to earn one. Give me a name that you think I deserve and let it be what you honor me by instead! How about that? It's probably the only way I'll be comfortably perceived since some people will change my labels as they see fit regardless. Just call me what you like, I feel like my name/pronouns have been corrupted as is

[un-pearable]

illadvisedly been reading LU fic again and boy has the fic scene only gotten weirder about the leader thing

[textualviolence]

well. i DO know how joan of arc felt.

[kindred-spirit-93]

woah my turn! hilal would be one of these, absolutely no in between:

she'd have citations and do it so seriously even annabeth would have to do some research of her own, nico loses his shit, will is actually considering calling his aunt artemis, and jason straight up confirms

this took me like an entire hour. no regrets. moon memes bc i ran out of space:

btw the word Hilal in Arabic means crescent moon hence the joke :)

if loser demigods had access to google slides me thinks

but also i ran out of ideas so idk if i should do more

(if yall have ideas pls give it)

[crazyassluka]

that's why I fucking hate group assignment. If things doesn't make sense, why nobody's listen?

[acid-ixx]

You mention in the first story that the Batfam finally realizes where we are because jon showed Damian our picture while calling us his parent- so I was wondering about how Damian reacted to that? Like did he realize we’d left at that point or did he just get hit in the face with that info?

— related post !

reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated

a/n: y'all i have clogged nose and i hate it LMAO. anyways, i'm gonna write smth about this soon but damian's character for both the series again & again and this series is genuinely one of the more complicated to write because of how he's raised but it really goes like this—

"jon... what do you mean? that's my—"

he cuts himself off before he could continue running his mouth off. damian ignores the slight raise of jon's eyebrow, his thoughts running a mile every second.

his parent? no, never once in his life has damian considered you his parent, pushing you away whenever you try to bond with him. whatever gifts you gave him, no matter how small, or big, expensive, or inexpensive they are, he always makes a show of ripping them away right in front of you.

he told you himself. you are not his parent, never will be his parent, you'll never replace talia's standing, and there will never be a time where damian will see you as one. dick, jason, tim, literally anyone can consider you as theirs, but damian is a product of two genetically perfect individuals— you are imperfect, and it's not your business to coddle him just because you are merely married to his father in paper.

no matter how much you softly gaze at him with loving eyes, invite him with welcoming arms, praise his passion for drawing; all you'll do is weaken him and damian hates feeling weak, hates how you tempt him into melting into a puddle. that automatically makes you a burden in his book.

he hates you, and he should've been glad you disappeared off of the face of the manor.

yet the record stands still: why are you with jon? why do you hold him like he is the world in the picture? what does he mean by "sorry, damian, but me and my parents are gonna go to the carnival later!"? you, as in, bruce's spouse? why are you with them, of all people?

... why does jon get to have fun, with you? and he doesn't...?

and yet he couldn't reply to him, not when his friend babbles on for longer about his... parent. about how you, make him feel so complete. that you'll be the one helping him with his science fare project, how you two spent the night yesterday building a volcano, how you treat him with ice cream every time he achieves a good enough grade for a subject, how you, you, you always spoil jon, always comfort him, read him bedtime stories, matched bracelets, sung karaoke together, played board games with each other, picked him up from school, help him with assignments—

the more jon goes on, the more damian wants to rip his hair out. he doesn't know, doesn't know why he's suddenly pissed. is it because jon can never shut up, or because he couldn't shut up about you? about how perfect you are apparently? how you're the ideal parent he never once bat an eye on? the domestic life jon seems to brag about, it's something damian secretly wanted, and it's all ripped away from him.

it makes damian wonder, would you have done the same for him?

he knows it in himself, that if he hadn't pushed you away, he might've been in jon's place.

[sysig]

What’s Bun-Bun’s signature colour? (Patreon)

[barbiefaeg]

I think something a lot of cis ppl don’t realize is like. And I’m not saying this applies to all trans ppl but in my experience. I have experienced specific trauma that mainly cis women have experienced and so, when I look for guidance in how to heal from that trauma from generalized sources they will almost entirely only mention “women” having experienced said trauma. And thus two things. 1. It’s not that big of a deal but I feel I constantly have to remind myself I’m allowed to seek this guidance and heal even though the text isn’t technically directed toward me, a trans man. 2. It kinda sucks feeling like you relate to something and then consistently being reminded by the text that it’s directed at a demographic you feel very uncomfortable being grouped into 3. Sometimes the guidance doesn’t help! Some times integral to the guidance is something about celebrating womanhood… like even painful or traumatic experiences I’ve had and need to heal from are identical to many cis women’s experiences. I’m not a woman. And celebrating anything perceived as my “womanhood” would be very painful for me.

[terven--godess]

The feminist movement highlights how men weaponize safety concerns to maintain control over women. Even when women take precautions for their own security, many men respond with dismissiveness or threats, reinforcing women's vulnerability. This behavior is part of a larger pattern of undermining women's independence and reinforcing male dominance by making women feel powerless, even in situations where they've taken measures to protect themselves. I'm aiming for the legal protections of the prostitute but a crackdown on johns and pimps. I want prostitutes (and other 'sex workers' of course but I am focusing on prostitutes) to be able to seek aid, go to the police, and get other forms of help without fear of being arrested or fined. I want johns to be scared to even walk near a prostitute. I want pimps to face a minimum of 10 years in prison if not more. On one hand, we are told to express ourselves, to open up, yet the moment we do, our feelings are met with skepticism, even ridicule. "Who hurt you?" they ask, not out of care but as if our pain is something to be dismissed. Men, in particular, seem almost repelled by the vulnerability they claim to want. There s an underlying reason for this pattern, but the question remains: why? ne stark example is how some individuals seem to reject the societal pressures that come with their assigned gender by adopting identities that ostensibly offer more freedom, but ultimately lead back to the same structural biases they hoped to escape. A similar point of cognitive dissonance can be found in the ways men continue to undermine women s contributions to society. The tired argument that men are responsible for most major scientific discoveries conveniently ignores the historical context in which women were denied access to education, intellectual pursuits, and professional recognition.

^^^ reminder that peanut butter think stuff like this is ok. Lets just sonic the hedgehog until we reach the S.S. Bootleg. Why does everything have to be so weird with you? i dont prit anymore i whooperchia. Just because you can sag doesnt mean you should bwip. Nothings ever gwobbly enough when Wario tries to vop at the grand glub glub ga-lub. If I had a MLT for every time MIM tried to blomp, Id own The deep and scary hole.Things arent as wacky as they seem, especially in the doop hole.

[teaboot]

Growing up, how was your relationship with the fundamentals of conscious existence?

My earliest memory of what I would call self-awareness occurred spontaneously in the middle of my fourth birthday party, where I suddenly became alert to my existence as a separate entity surrounded by other conscious beings.

This presented to me as not dissimilar to simply being brushed along the flow of a river- experiencing life as a serious of flashbang moments and instants and sensations, like meditating to music until the individual notes break into sounds that follow no rhythm and are only noise- no past or future, only now- and then suddenly finding yourself holding a paddle in the belly of a boat with no idea what to do next.

I remember running to the body that felt safest, who I did not recognize as anything else, and asking it who all the strangers around us were. The person that I learned was my mother told me they were my aunties and uncles, and I was being silly because I KNEW them, and why was I so shy all of a sudden?

Learning to articulate myself after that instant, I remember, was immensely frustrating. Learning your first language, as I remember it, is wuite a bit like how Ive been told recovering from brain damage feels like.

YOU know what you mean. YOU know what you're saying. But there are holes where you reach for something you know MUST be there and find nothing, and must find a way to communicate using only what you have at hand. Except there are always faces looking at you, talking down to you, asking you to do tricks for them to prove you really are a real human person.

I loved art, and I'm very good at it, but GETTING good at it was the worst. I'm told I started with scribbles at six months or so, before I could walk, and at three and four I remember being immensely frustrated that I could see in my head exactly what I wanted to produce, and I didn't know how to PRODUCE it.

And simple shit, like drawing shapes and circles, developing fine motor skills. You FULLY UNDERSTAND THE ASSIGNMENT, but your hands are soft and wobbly and don't cooperate. Getting your mouth and body to obey your directions is hellish, especially when all the appliances and furniture and installations around you are built for someone easily triple your size.

Chairs are hard to sit in when you're small and cant touch the ground. Your legs dangle and you cant scoot closer to the table, and the backrest is so far back you cant use it for support, and the table comes up past your chest so your chin is amost in your plate and your dumb clumsy hands cant hold a big spoon or fork in a way that feels natural or elegant so you end up smearing shit EVERYWHERE and getting yapped at for having your elbows on the counter.

Reading people was interesting. Most people are condescending and plastic when you're small, and you can tell when they're being saccharine and fake, but you're told the polite thing is to believe what they say and be polite back. I used to try using big sentences on purpose just to het them to leave me alone. "What a pretty girl! Can you say Hello?" was the most common ask I can recall. Id answer with the floweriest thing I could think of, usually, "I'm very well, thank you for asking, how are you?", because people only ask you interesting questions after you do well enough on their tests to prove you're people.

Being small was very tiring, and very frustrating, and becoming aware of myself in my own head probably made everything a lot worse overall.

No regrets, though. From what I can recall, life is far more enjoyable when you're aware of it occurring. Time can't slow down until you know it's there, I think

Being a baby full of instincts felt like living as a live grenade. Being a child was far harder, but more Full. More Human. A LOT more like adulthood than infancy, and I was very determined to remember that.

If any of that makes sense