#and that’s because nobody fucking teaches me!!!!
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thebluestbluewords · 2 days ago
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swimming lessons
"You're not serious." Mal says, laughing. Her feet are solidly on her towel, nowhere near the water. "I'm not swimming." 
Ben flicks a handful of water at her anyway. He's been swimming since he was a kid. He knows just how far he can splash without hitting someone. "You don't want to learn how to swim?" 
"Uh, no." she jerks her feet further back. "Nobody really knows how to swim, some people can just fake it for a while before they fuck up and drown." 
"I know how to swim." Ben says, kicking his feet in demonstration. He's good at swimming. He's got this. "I could teach you." 
"You think you know how. It's only a matter of time until you get too cocky, and then you'll be the next body we have to fish out of the water." 
"You're wearing a swimsuit."
Mal looks down at herself. She's wearing an emerald green bikini top, a mesh sort-of-shirt over it with more zippers than looks entirely practical for something that's ostensibly swimwear, and a pair of her own cut off shorts. Her bare midriff and thighs are incandescently pale in the sunlight.  
"Evie made it." she says, as though that's all the explanation required. Knowing the two of them, it nearly is. Evie makes the clothes, and then the other three wear them. It's like a weird sort of isle mating ritual, as far as Ben can tell. He's been honored with an Evie's original leather jacket himself, and it certainly feels like there's a weight to the leather, and to their eyes on him, when he wears it. 
"Jay's in the water," Ben points out instead. "He hasn't drowned yet." 
Mal scoffs. "Jay's one of the morons who thinks he can swim, and also, his feet are on the ground." 
"The last time I asked him to jump in the enchanted lake with me, he made up an excuse about needing to wash his horse." Ben says slowly. It's not that he's doubting the story, exactly... 
Mal laughs. "The horse is named Denial. Or maybe Distraction. Next time he'll tell you he forgot his homework." 
"Jay doesn't do his--" Ben starts to say, before his brain catches up. "Oh. I get it. Why wouldn't he just tell me he can't swim?" 
Mal shrugs. "It's not exactly something we learned on the isle. Just one more way we stick out, and you know how much he cares about fitting in sometimes." 
Ben knows. 
He tries not to think about it, mostly. How much the VKs hide when they try to fit in. They don't do it around him very much anymore, and Mal hardly ever tries at all, but the others all hide pieces of themselves whenever they want to blend in with their classmates. Evie hides how brilliant she is, like playing dumb will make her more desirable. Carlos hides his tools like he's afraid they're going to be stolen from him. Jay smiles and jokes and says that he's not lying, that this is just who he is, like he just happens to be exactly the sort of friendly that Auradon eats right up, but Ben's seen how he acts when there's nobody around to impress. 
It's not a big leap to assume that his assurances that he can swim and he's just not in the mood right now are another lie. 
He flicks another handful of water at Mal's feet. "Do you really not want to learn? I could teach you." 
"I really don't want to risk my life, no. Besides, I'm watching from out here. I have an important job to do." 
"And that is?" 
She grins, and swoops a hand through the air like she's gathering a cobweb with a duster. "Magic." Her fingers glow green, poison-apple bright and shimmering just like the lake water in the sunlight. She points a finger at Jay, in the water up to his knees and leaning down to splash a handful at Carlos.  "Give me power, no more steps, lift him from these watery depths." 
Mal lifts her hand, and Jay's feet fly out from under him. 
Only they don't. 
Jay's feet go flying, but it's because the rest of him is flying too, just a few inches above the surface of the water. He's reclining, easy as anything, like he's being held by an invisible hand. 
"Hey!" 
Mal waves her free hand at her second-in-command, without shifting the shining green one, which, now that Ben's looking, is cradled in a similar position to the unseen one that Jay is cradled in.  "Hay is for horses, babe! Get more specific!" 
"Put me down so I can splash the nerds!" Jay shouts. "I was gonna sneak attack!" 
"And now you're not!" Evie chirps. She looks as gorgeous as ever in her swim clothes, which are a little red skirt with a ruffle, a red top that shows off the smooth golden span of her chest, and a giant sun hat. 
"I'm not the one keeping you here!" Mal shouts back. "If you wanna swim so bad you can get off the spell!" 
Jay rolls over until he's on the edge of whatever invisible force is keeping him up, feet dangling down to just brush the water."My spell now. Dump me off." 
Mal grins so wide that the pointed fey teeth behind her human ones show. "If that's what you want." 
"WAIT--" 
She flips her hand. 
Jay hits the water with a splash. 
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personallbest · 6 months ago
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so the girl who doesn’t even prebus / bus her tables is allowed to skip being a trainee because she was already a server at a different location (THAT SHE GOT FIRED FROM!!!) but I’m not allowed to be a server because I’m “not ready yet”
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banefort · 2 months ago
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im gonna be reallly annoying here for a second grrm shouldve added so much more linguistic diversity to westeros. especially the north and ESPECIALLY north of the wall. also there's no way daenerys's mothertongue would be high valyrian. thank you.
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evafhernee · 10 months ago
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I love love love that the ccs will be forced to use the translator in order to communicate with the new ccs joining qsmp because that’s what it’s there for!!!!! it’s a translator!!! use it to translate, even if both of you are able to speak the same language!
I don’t see enough people use the translator, especially when the ccs are both able to speak (usually) english, and it’s still great that they can speak easier if they speak the same language, but the language barrier is one of the causes for the creation of the qsmp! Let the language barrier be a barrier in the first place, and let the translator do the work it was meant to do!
Let people who physically can’t speak the same language interact! It’s part of what makes qsmp qsmp, and even though it has impacted hugely just from adding people who generally create content and talk in different languages, I do think it somewhat lacks in the people speaking different languages category, because while that is true, it is also somewhat untrue in that all of the ccs can speak one of the same language (usually english), even if they’re not a natural at it!
Now, that’s not a bad thing at all! But, it does blur the speaking different languages problem that was meant to occur in qsmp. They speak different languages! Let them speak whatever language they want and let the translator do the work! Again, that is what it is there for! It is a translator! (I’m looking at you twitter)
And even if it takes a million repeats of the same sentence for someone to finally get what another person is trying to say, a hundred fuck-ups of the translation or a thousand language barrier/cultural miscommunications, again, qsmp was made for this to happen! It was made so people who come from different backgrounds and are usually unable to interact because of cultural/language barriers can interact, whether it start out negative or positive!
And I trust them (the ccs and fans) to communicate if controversy/confusion happens culturally and language-wise, and (hopefully) for the fans to not turn anything minor** into a huge drama, so I am extremely excited to see the ccs be forced into using the translator!
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blue-eli · 1 year ago
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Ink October day ten: Dichotomy
A division into two contrasting things or parts.
The phase of the moon, Mercury, or Venus when half of the disk is illuminated.
Branching characterized by successive forking into two approximately equal divisions.
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unnonexistence · 24 days ago
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they should invent an applying for jobs that doesnt make you feel like this
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queencvbra · 26 days ago
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I am. So so scared about that they're doing with Tory this season lol.
#⚡ ooc. ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞#the thing is I do like a good corruption arc but she has already made so much progress and EARNED her face turn yknow?#it took her three whole seasons of changing and wanting to be a better person to get there. *that* didn't come out of nowhere.#and it wasn't just an act of necessity to get rid of silver and kim that is tory being who she is instead of this front of forced toughness#my mixed feelings mostly come from how absolutely convoluted some things are around her return to kreese#like for one I will say they did pick the only circumstance in which I could see breaking her enough to go back (her mom d*ing)#that is literally the ONLY thing that could have worked and been believable for me to put her in that headspace#where she's so desperate just to make sense of the world again that she's susceptible to kreese's influence again#I don't have a problem with THAT aspect. I like how that was done in the vacuum of things and that part is what works for me.#what I don't like is everything happening *around* that situation and there being some glaring things that have to be overlooked#to make it happen exactly as it did#for starters it makes no fucking sense to me at all that no one went to physically check on Tory when she ghosted everyone#and then NOBODY checked on her after that fight when something was clearly wrong with her???? absolutely not.#the only explanation that would make sense for me is that she ran away and went where no one could find her#but the show didn't give us anything like that. they just skipped time so they could have her turn be more shocking.#and I hated that so so so much#also the other major plothole for me is tory willingly working with kim again#kim is to her what silver is to daniel so I don't think even under this extreme mental duress that she would go back#bc kim literally traumatized her#she would go back to kreese yeah. I could believe that. but there is no way she wants to be around kim *at all*#that would be like having daniel forgive silver and go back to him just because he teaches good karate#I have feelings and obvs I'm gonna wait and see how this plays out but I'm genuinely worried#especially after seeing some stuff in the trailers / released screencaps that have me concerned about where they're taking it#which I won't talk about in this post bc potential spoilers but uh. I definitely have strong feelings about a couple of things.
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variousqueerthings · 3 months ago
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started just telling job'n'benefits related stuff that i'm disabled. used to tiptoe around it and talk about how certain work-spaces "might" be a bit much, because I get too tired and overwhelmed (because they kept saying I should go work in hotels, hotels!!!!), and they'd give me some of this odd modern "oh we just need a good change of attitude, believe in yourself" nonsense that's really just repackaged "stop being a lazy cashdrain" rhetoric.
so now I tell them straight: if I work for 4 hours on one day in a stressful environment, then I will need the whole of that day to prepare for it and the whole of next day to recover because I will be too exhausted, so I will have lost out on two days for four hours of work and then I make them agree with me that that isn't sustainable for a good deal of employment (the simplest version ofc, I know it varies depending on how supportive the environment is, how many breaks I can take, how interesting the work is etc. but they don't need all of that. they don't get it, so I don't tell them).
it's not going to change anything in their systems, because they're all only tuned in to two kinds of work (high physical continuous effort or calling a million people on the phone per day to get yelled at by), but it's at least a little victory watching the job people do a double-take on that piece of information. yeah I'm not just tired like everyone else. I am measurably too tired to do the work you're trying to push on me. now what? nothing? cool, good talk. until in two weeks when we will have the exact same talk.
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possuminabathtub · 7 months ago
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I don’t know how to smile.
Not properly at least. I always smile too wide, show too many teeth, my eyes close too much and my cheeks crease and wrinkle. A big smile means joy, right? Until it turns garish
Imagine being told that, Imagine knowing that you can’t smile properly, because you hold too much joy, too much excitement, showing too many teeth and too much too much too much, always just a little bit too much
But nobody will teach you how to smile
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rubenesque-as-fuck · 1 year ago
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The painting I've been working on for way too long has started to look like shit and all I want to do is punch it to death and then burn the remains
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fragglerockopinions · 5 months ago
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#This shouldn't be a surprise but seriously no one actually cares about my survival yes I've asked for help why would I get help#I'm functionally nocturnal and I keep staying up for like 48 hours and then sleeping for a day and I never know where I am#Or what day it is or if it's morning or night#Normal humans eat three meals a day and snacks right I think I maybe eat a snack every other day#I just don't feel hunger and my body hurts and cooking is so much effort I don't have#Weed used to help me be able to eat easily but now everything is just so hard and no food in house n cant go to store bc of ptsd too scary#I keep telling people when they ask that I am doing badly and need help but they as always just tell me to go to the store and buy food#Because it should be easy for a normal person!!! That would be such helpful and kind advice if I were normal#But I am not I am severely sick and traumatized and driving hurts so bad and stores give me panic attacks#Seriously if literally nobody cares about my struggling why not just be euthanized at this point?#This problem is so inconvenient to everyone and I have done all I can to convince people that I'm worth the inconvenience but :(#If I were worth talking to or visiting or helping people would have done that and I would be fine but I am not and that's okay#I genuinely don't mind being a husk at all#I'm just weirdly sad about it right now maybe because I think I feel hungry but genuinely I can't tell thanks autism#I also haven't been able to do my t shot in like three or four weeks I keep trying but I literally can't get the needle in :((#I imagine less testosterone in my system also makes me tired and lose my appetite#I'm so fucked up and nobody cares that I start my day at 8pm and am active and reply to emails and shit at 4am#Why would anyone notice that first of all but still. I would notice.#When even strangers are struggling I notice and I will do anything for anyone but it's selfish upon selfish to expect it back I understand#I keep looking for arfid and ed affirmations to help me but I can't find anything good#Genuinely . what the fuck#Just fucking need to be someone's dog feed me walk me put me in a cage teach me how to be better and treat me like I don't know shit#Because I don't I'm so stupid I can't even feed myself I'm dying please help me
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lago-morpha · 1 year ago
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what happened to all the shit you can buy in the duolingo store
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this is all I can buy now... I have over 4k gems but sure I'll double 50. why not.
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justanotherfanartist · 9 months ago
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#back on my super personal posting bs#last basketball game for the band tonight#augh and misery but at least it’s at Cool Big Semi Circle. Two hour drive at least tho. sigh.#if u from my state you know what I mean. actually wtv it’s obvious idfk Tacoma Dome moment lmaooo#man. last thing of band for the whole year kinda sucks ngl#our band is fucked don’t get me wrong but a part of me still loves it with a lot less cynicism than most of my friends n other band kids do#part of me is like yeah there’s stuff that sucks. but also this is where I’m meant to be and I’m having a good time#the reality is that our director sucks our band sucks nobody practices and we don’t really play well#but in my head#I’m doing well#i practice. a lot. because I like it#All my friends are here#I’m doing what my dad did in Highschool and being like him makes me really happy#which is especially why I’m switching to drumline next year to hopefully be on snare#I’m actually gonna kill myself if I get cymbals i fucking HATE cymbals I will fight my Director on this actually so hard#cus I don’t know shit about percussion#but my dad is a drummer and so is one of my senior friends who is sticking around after they graduate this year#and they’ve both agreed to teach me over the summer#so I’m gonna go fucking crazy hard into practicing so I can do percussion ensemble next year and do drumline too#I’m literally gonna dig in my trenches and fight tooth and nail to get what I want#and I’ve never really done that before#It really feels like I’m determined to prove myself worth of being a snare#not cymbals#not bass#snare#I feel like I was kind of always meant for this; I’ve just been putting it off yknow?#I’m the child of two divorced music majors#my dad is a drummer who was in band his whole life#he loves it. he loves it so much.#my parents moved to New York to chase their dreams and become musicians
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thethingything · 8 months ago
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local man discovers he's gotten into the habit of using DBT techniques without actually being taught them because at some point he realised that the things we get the urge to do when we have strong emotions often aren't healthy and that he doesn't like how he feels afterwards so he started noticing when that was happening and going "fuck that shit" and doing the opposite instead
#personal#thoughts#Lucy post#talking to 🍬 about various stuff we do because of our social anxiety and what are probably undiagnosed BPD symptoms#and we realised he's gotten himself into the habit of paying attention to how his emotions affect his judgement#and trying to take a step back when he's experiencing an emotion that he knows gives us the urge to do stuff that's not healthy for us#and he said he felt bad about having those emotions and urges to do unhealthy stuff#at which point I was like ''okay but you're choosing not to act on that and to take a step back and do something healthier instead#which is what actually matters here and is also something that takes a hell of a lot of self-awareness and self-control''#this is shit they teach you in therapy that's difficult specifically because you're going against your brain's instincts for a situation#and we were never taught how to do it so you've just fucking taught yourself to do it instead#without actually knowing it's a specific technique that has a name#I was aware of it but had never actually looked at the instructions properly because when I stumbled across it#it was at a point where being told to go against what my emotions made me want to do felt invalidating and upsetting#I've literally just pieced together that ''oh right that's what that is and how it's supposed to work#and how it's meant to feel when you do it right''#anyway all this is to say that I keep being impressed with the amount of progress 🍬's made on learning healthy coping mechanisms#including things I could never seem to get the hang of when I was fronting more and handling more stuff#and I'm really proud of him and 🦋 and everyone else who's been handling stuff within the system and keeping things running#but also nobody in here seems to realise how much progress they've made with anything until someone else points it out#I just realised I should tag this as#happy posting#because I'm talking about stuff that's going well and where we've actually made a lot of progress
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nexus-nebulae · 1 year ago
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i. hate feeling like im so starved for social interaction that I'm forgetting how to speak to anyone at all. but because im forgetting how to speak im too scared to reach out to literally anyone
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kingflups · 9 months ago
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I've been stuck thinking about when I asked my mom to teach me to play the guitar lately. It's a bit of a bummer
My mom plays guitar. Has ever since she was little. My grandfather was quite the musician and taught her how to play. He went dancing all the time with my grandmother, sang in bands, loved live music and was super supportive of music in general. Or so I'm told. I didn't see my extended family often. One time he found a crazy cheap trumpet at an auction and gave it to me because I played the trombone and he thought I'd like it (I did, even if the thing was in too bad of shape to really play) My mom was the same way. In theory.
I asked my mom all the time to teach me guitar, and each time she blew it off or told me later until I physically sat her down one day, put a guitar in her hand and grabbed one of her spares. And she just. refused to teach me.
She taught me one chord, one she said didn't know the name of because she taught herself. I could read her notes. That wasn't true. And then she left me in the room for what must have been an hour, alone, after explaining all of the guitar to me for maybe a minute. I knew she didn't show me anything, not really. I was in music classes at the time; I played trombone and sang in choir. This was the one thing I kept asking my mom because she loved music and I wanted to be able to play it with her, and she didn't even spare me a minute
I don't know. She plays professionally now. Quit her job and now she plays at local venues, typically for older folks. I don't know if she's hyping up how big of venues- I moved far away from home as soon as I could. But I know she's making money.
Sometimes she asks if I'll come sing with her
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