#and that you dont need to prove that youre worth keeping around. real friends love you just for who you are

[cozymochi]

Hello hello! Do your ocs have any partner preferences perhaps? Asking for a friend :3

Keep up the awesome work Cozy, your art always amazes me when I pass by. Also love reading your rambles, they're all so well written~

Who is this “”friend”” and what is their INTENT? - I was gonna make a “haha lab partner preference” joke, but I’ll bite…. for the lawlz.

“We're students. We should be studying, not wasting our time with such unacademic pursuits!” - Sebek Zigvolt - SSR Ace Suitor Suit Vignette: “My Beloved”

SHORT ANSWER: Nope because everyone in that series is partner-preference-phobic. LONG ANSWER: I entertain hypotheticals so follow along if you want to. Take it with a grain of salt though. Or don’t! None of this matters 💃

Emilio is too self important and doesn’t really think about potential partners at all. He’s too busy trying to assert how reliable he is and prove how incompetent everyone else around him must be as a result. BUT! If someone were to ask, he’d give them a once over and decide then and there whether or not they’d be worth his time. Weirdly enough he seems more enticed by the idea of somebody matching is self-important and ambitious energy rather than someone who can gas him up. No, no, gassing up is for peers and family. Partner must engage in a constant battle of wits and pettiness and outdoing each other. …Not much of a partnership, really, but nobody said this guy had a healthy and not-skewed idea of relationships.

Cecil does not have the self-esteem to consider serious partnerships, nor entertains the idea of pursuing either. He needs to work out his own issues first, and chances are that alone (and studying) will keep him away from that sorta stuff. THAT SAID, unlike everyone else he is not immune to pretty people who very clearly have their lives together. Outwardly, he’s into those clearly out of his league. Someone confident in their own skin (unlike him), and having that confidence practically radiating off of them is his preference… but, in that response to seeing like, a model on tv or in a magazine kind of way. Otherwise, he probably has no idea what he would actually want. It’s not happening anytime soon to begin with.

Nyoka, surprise, also does not think about partnerships. Not that it matters because in his clan all partnerships between Cobra Beastmen at his status are arranged anyway. When he’s done with school it’s only a matter of time afterwards before that has to be dealt with. So there’s no real reason to entertain preference at all. Maybe having good manners is his bare minimum expectation, but it’s hard to say. He doesn’t really care by any measure and will remain stringent in what’s expected of him. Unless somebody awakens something in him, but what’s the likeliness of that happening? There is no freak here.

🪷 Tia under cut. 🪷

Tia does not entertain hypotheticals.

🪷Romantic pursuits are not on the table for her nor a focus, she just writes it off entirely. She’s got other things going on, like figuring out why she’s even there and finding a way back home. And when she gets back home it’ll be back to business. That’s her plan, and she has tunnel vision when it comes to her future career ventures and making her dreams a reality. Don’t ask, she’ll swerve and never answer. Besides, she probably doesn’t even know what she’d look for anyway. She just dismisses it all and doesn’t allow herself to consider it.

🪷 … BUT…

🪷 …she will notice if somebody is… sturdy. So to speak.

🪷 Despite everything, she sometimes wishes she was the type to entertain frivolous thoughts like that. Given her current situation though, that might not be ideal to toy with.

OKAY BYE i dont know what knowing any of this will do for anybody

[simplyender]

wow, i've been thinking the same thing! what's to say brett doesnt still have the nostalgia max powers? i mean, it could just be that he got it out of his system, since he was essentially just tripping on a mega-chemtrail/drug-overdose, and trips dont last forever, not to mention that we saw him dispel those powers once reagan snapped him out of it.

that being said i think it would be super cool if he still had said powers in him, so if this hypothetical scenario were true, chances are:

A: he cant tap into said powers because hes repressing them, and could also potentially be repressing his memories of the nostalgia max freakout event as a whole.

or B: since it all clearly came from a place of serious emotions and pain, and the fact that he was already slipping at that point (actively deciding to drug your friends into staying in the 80s with you is not cool, bro!), he could just not be able to access them without a high amount of environmental stressors, think of it like a hulk scenario, only it takes way more than just anger to set his powers off. both reasons are not mutually exclusive btw. in fact it might outright be both of them.

Ok for those who've watched Inside Job on Netflix, did Brett ever lose his 80's powers??? Like can he just use them but never brings it up ever again? Because it's never told THAT HE LOSES THEM???

[grapesodatozier]

so close to the real thing (closer than you think)

rating: explicit

word count: 6.8k

summary: Eddie's been pining over Richie for as long as he can remember. He loves everything about Richie; especially how much Richie loves touching him. It's a little inconvenient, though. Eddie copes with his pent up sexual tension by constantly checking a porn blog he's obsessed with on tumblr. This guy has the same type of body as Richie, he talks like Richie, his name is even Richie! It makes it all too easy for Eddie to pretend it really is Richie while getting himself off to all of the blog's content.

You'll never guess what he finds out when he starts sexting this stranger named Richie from his anonymous porn blog.

tags: friends to lovers, porn with feelings, love confessions, dom/sub dynamics, bi dom top richie, gay sub bottom eddie, the most oblivious pining idiots in the world lol we love them

notes: this is one of my more ridiculous ideas but I had so much fun with it lol. also as a note you probably should not approach people on the internet the way they do in this fic, but they're just v enthusiastic and everything here is v consensual!! still tho definitely don't take this indulgent fic as a guide on how to approach real people online lmao. okay have fun!!

read on ao3 or below!!

notsfw under the cut

Eddie Kaspbrak’s friends were his entire world; time spent with them meant everything to him. But he also really valued his alone time. He’d always been the sort who needed time to just sit on a grassy hill and watch the trains go by, to catch up on comics in his room, to get lost in Netflix shows or even just his thoughts as he moseyed around his apartment—one he live in by himself, for when these moods hit. He needed time to himself to unwind. And sometimes he unwound by scrolling through some porn blogs on tumblr with his hand in his pants.

There was one blog that he was particularly fond of. There were other blogs more catered to his personal interests, namely blogs that didn’t feature women like this one did. But there was a good balance of genders represented, so Eddie figured he could just scroll past those posts. This guy was worth it. His pictures were ridiculously hot, and his dirty talk was even hotter.

Also, his name was Richie. Which Eddie refused to acknowledge as part of the draw.

It was harder to ignore tonight. He’d been out with the losers, and Richie had just been so touchy. And there was something about the way he'd been talking; his voice was lower than normal, slower in a way that made Eddie’s stomach flip. And his touches had lingered, his hand squeezing Eddie’s hip slow, then lazily brushing against his ass as he dropped it. Eddie could hardly take it. He brushed it off as Richie just being tired from work, but god, Eddie wanted it to mean more. The hardest part was hiding how much he wanted Richie to keep doing it.

There were so many things Eddie wanted Richie to do to him. He wanted Richie to touch him harder, to grab him by his hips with both hands. Richie’s hands were so big; Eddie just knew Richie could manhandle him so easily, so roughly. He wanted to know what it would feel like to have Richie’s hands all over him, grabbing at his ass and his thighs, holding his wrists down, making him feel so small. While Eddie would never admit it, huffing at every short joke Richie made, but he loved being shorter than Richie. He loved how safe he felt when Richie held him. And he was dying to know how small he would feel with Richie looming above him, or sitting in Richie’s lap, bouncing on his cock. He wanted to hear Richie talking to him in that low, slow voice, with that condescension Eddie did his best to pretend not to be affected by. He wanted Richie to whisper in his ear and call him all those pretty names he always dropped so casually, all those sweet ones and also ones that were a lot meaner. He wanted Richie to want him.

But it was easier to think about it than to ask for it. He knew Richie had way more experience than him. Well, okay, maybe not way more necessarily, but they were starting their third year of college, and he hadn’t wasted any time. Eddie, on the other hand, hadn’t done anything more than hand stuff with someone else. The guys he’d hooked up with were nice enough, and hot enough, but they just… weren’t Richie.

He supposed this guy on tumblr wasn’t Richie either, but at least he was everything else Eddie wanted. None of his hookups had been so, well, dominant, and that was this guy’s whole thing. He was dominant and a top and into guys that looked like Eddie. He even kind of talked like Richie, and he was apparently pining over his best friend, just like Eddie was. It had him completely smitten. Plus, internet-Richie’s crush had brown eyes like Eddie, and he ran track, just like Eddie did. Internet-Richie had posted once about his dick getting hard watching his friend at his track meet, and Eddie had come so hard that night, his track shorts around his ankles, imagining his Richie thinking those things about him.

Eddie was in bed now, in nothing but his boxers and one of Richie’s old shirts that had been Eddie’s for a while now. Still reeling from the way Richie had been acting that night, he logged into his porn account on his phone and scrolled through his dash for a grand total of thirty seconds before going immediately to internet-Richie’s blog. A thrill went through Eddie’s body when he saw that he had just posted. He’d written, “god my friends gonna fuckn kill me with that ass, i wanna plow him so bad” then reblogged it and added, “reminder that my asks and dms are always open if any pretty needy little subs need help getting off. please come be sluts in my messages.” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat when he saw that there was a picture, too, one of him gripping his hard cock, his boxers pulled down just enough for Eddie to see the dark hair around the base of his cock. Eddie moaned at the sight. His cock was so nice, so long and thick and pink. And fuck, his fingers. They were so long and slim, almost as nice as his-Richie’s.

Eddie scrolled a little farther down, his heart racing. There were a lot of reblogs, but some original posts here and there, things like, “what i wouldn’t do to have a pretty guy drooling all over my cock rn,” and, “in the mood to get someone dick drunk. wanna fuck a someone so hard they forget their own name.” One that made Eddie nearly choke said, “want someone i can pump my come into whenever i want, over and over again. want a sub i can keep full of my come all the fuckn time.” That post had Eddie getting out his lube.

It also had him thinking about internet-Richie’s most recent post, his post about his DMs being open.

Eddie bit his lip and thought about it. He’d sent internet-Richie some asks before from his porn blog (his blog didn’t have his name on it, just the teddy bear emoji, since he privately thought the teddy/Eddie rhyme was fun and clever, and also it was cute), and he’d seemed plenty happy enough to respond then. Still, it felt like a much bigger step to DM him, to talk to him just one on one. But the more he read his posts, the more he thought about his-Richie and how he’d touched Eddie that night, the easier it was to convince himself to shoot his shot with this stranger.

Eddie just messaged him a simple, “hi,” with a heart emoji. It was innocent enough, but his heart was still racing.

Internet-Richie responded a lot faster than Eddie was expecting. Honestly he hadn’t been expecting a response at all. But he said:

hiya cutie (; ive been hoping youd message me

Eddie flushed. He couldn’t help but hear cutie in his-Richie’s voice—especially given how often Richie used the nickname. really? he typed back.

fuck yes, ur cute little messages make me so hard. i can tell ur a pretty little thing just from the way you type

Eddie was blushing deep. Pretty little thing. That was hotter than it should’ve been. He wanted his Richie to talk to him like that, in that deep, sleepy voice.

there’s no way you can tell that from some messages :P, Eddie sent.

His heart stopped at the next messages internet-Richie sent.

oh, u dont think so?

why dont u send me some pics to prove me wrong (;

Oh my god, Eddie thought, his breath coming short. His head swam at the thought of sending this guy nudes, of showing himself off to someone who clearly wanted to see him, who would know how to take care of him and fuck him the way he liked, a guy with his crush’s fucking name and body type and hands. It had Eddie’s cock hard and leaking, and he slowly slid a finger inside of himself.

But just because the thought turned him on didn’t mean he was gonna send this stranger what he wanted so easily, even if he desperately wanted to.

you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

He fingered himself open as he waited for a response, working his way up to two fingers. It was nearly impossible to ignore his cock, but he didn’t want to come before the conversation even had a chance to start.

fuck ya i would, internet-Richie responded. Then, in a second message, whats wrong baby? you shy? ill show u mine ;)

Eddie's breath caught. God, this guy even made stupid shit sound hot, just like Eddie’s Richie. This was unreal.

i’ve seen yours, Eddie pointed out.

ya and you musta liked it if ur messaging me rn

Eddie bit his lip. ...maybe

aw thats cute sweetheart. u know i can see all the needy little tags you add when u reblog my stuff right?

Eddie blushed. He’d kind of always hoped he’d read them, but he never thought he actually did. i didn’t know you read those

oh ya, read them, jerk off to them. bit of a size queen, aren’t you? ;) it’s cute. makes me so fuckn hard when u talk abt how u want me to fill you up

Eddie whimpered out loud, sliding a third finger into himself. Fuck, he wanted that cock inside of him so bad. But right now one of his toys would have to do, once he was stretched out enough. He sped up his fingers, getting impatient. Gathering up all of his horny courage, he sent, show me.

what, no please? only good boys who use their manners get dick pics babydoll

Eddie pouted and whined to himself, making quick work of sliding his hot pink vibrator inside of himself—well, as quickly as he could without hurting himself. He moaned as it filled him up, making pleasure spread deep through his body. Slowly pumping it in and out, he reached for his phone. please, he typed, please let me see? wanna know what to picture while i fuck myself with my vibrator. He even added the wide eyed pouting emoji to really milk the whole begging thing. He knew he’d been playing a little coy, but now with the way internet-Richie was talking to him he was getting desperate.

well fuck baby since ur begging ;)

Eddie held his breath as he waited for the picture, slowly rocking his toy in and out, savoring the feeling. He wished it was Richie doing it, wished it was his cock. The lines between which Richie blurred; he wanted to get fucked by either of them, both of them.

What Eddie received when his phone lit up was not a picture, but a video. It was short, just a few seconds of Richie’s hand dragging wetly, smoothly over his cock, but it had Eddie drooling. The room was dark, so he’d used a flash, and it made the mix of what Eddie assumed was precome and spit glisten as the swollen head of Richie’s cock disappeared and reappeared from behind his fingers. Eddie must’ve played it at least five times, fucking himself a little faster, before remembering to say something back. And to take a video of his own. fuck, I want you so bad, want you to fucking ruin me, he wrote back. A part of him couldn’t believe how openly desperate he was being, but he found that he liked it; he liked the way it made him blush, he liked the way it felt to beg, to ask for what he wanted.

Richie’s response came fast: show me kitten. show me how you want me to fuck your pretty little ass.

Eddie moaned at the pet name; casual little nicknames were such a weakness for him. He was already so far gone, just picturing Richie’s cock inside of him, picturing him stroking his cock to thoughts of Eddie. The attention had his cock hard and leaking as he thrust his vibrator even deeper inside of himself, pumping it in and out a few more times before rolling over and getting on his hands and knees. It was hard to take a video from this angle, but he wanted to show off his ass and hide his face. Plus, there was something so hot about having his ass in the air and his face shoved in his pillow, looking like the perfect image of someone desperate to be fucked. He loved the way it made him feel, loved the thought of being so open for someone. For Richie.

He ended up shooting a short video as well, about ten seconds of him sliding his vibrator slowly in and out of himself, letting out soft little moans. He was pretty pleased with the way it turned out, his hole pink and smooth and wet as it stretched around his toy. The angle was a little weird, showing a lot of his room once or twice when his hand slipped a little, but overall he thought his ass looked amazing, if he did say so himself. He sent it and said, feels so good. do you want me to go faster?

As he sent it, he got settled on his back, forcing himself to go slow as he fucked himself while he waited for internet-Richie’s response. It was taking longer than before, and Eddie was getting antsy; it was so hard to drag it out, to not get ahead of himself. But whatever Richie was doing, Eddie knew it would be worth the wait. Still, he pouted as his cock ached, begging for attention.

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door.

He groaned to himself and stayed put, fucking himself even slower as he waited for whoever it was to leave. But then the knocking continued, loud and incessant and obnoxious, and Eddie knew exactly who it was. He also knew he wasn’t going to go away any time soon, which honestly made him smile and blush. Richie had terrible timing, but Eddie would never be upset to see him.

Reluctantly, he slowly slid the toy out and pulled on his shorts, leaving his shirt off. He still had a pretty obvious boner, but his horny brain did not mind the idea of Richie seeing it. So he strode lazily down the hall, shouting a performatively annoyed, “I’m coming!” Finally, he opened the door, cocking his hip to the side and giving Richie an expectant look. “Can I help you?” he asked, a small smile dancing around the corner of his lips. He had to fight off a smirk at the wide eyed look Richie gave him as he ran his eyes over Eddie’s body.

“Fuck,” he muttered lowly, his eyes trained on Eddie’s cock, which was getting even harder the more Richie stared. Eddie bit his lip and grinned a little, making doe eyes at Richie. But Richie didn’t meet his gaze—instead he brushed past Eddie, his mouth still hanging open as he made his way urgently toward Eddie’s bedroom.

“Richie?” Eddie asked, a little let down that Richie’s hands weren’t all over him right now. But hey, if he was heading to Eddie’s bedroom he figured that was at least the right direction. He closed his front door and followed Richie into his room, where he found him staring at the bright pink vibrator on the bed. As confident and horny as Eddie was feeling, that still made him blush. He was only human. Crossing his arms, he said, bashful now, “I was kind of in the middle of something.”

Richie looked over at him, his cheeks bright red under his freckles. Then he got a glimmer of that trademark shit-eating grin on his face. “Eds, you fucking slut,” he said, sounding both delighted and breathless. “You are so fucking hot.”

Eddie flushed and tried not to squirm, but he couldn’t help but press his legs together, his eyes brightening. Fuck, was this actually happening? Shit, he needed to think of something witty to say. “You gonna do anything about it?” Okay, that kinda sounded like a corny porn, but he had to give himself credit for even being able to form words just after his lifelong crush and personal wet dream had just admitted his attraction to him.

“I think I already have been,” Richie said, still grinning.

Eddie cocked an eyebrow at him. He couldn’t help but smile back. “Oh yeah? How do you figure that?”

Eddie was expecting a confession. He was expecting something along the lines of you think I don’t notice how you look at me? or did you really think those were casual touches earlier? What he was not expecting was for Richie to unlock his phone and hold it up, showing Eddie the video he had just taken, the video he’d sent to internet-Richie.

Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.

“Oh my god, that’s you?” Eddie cried in disbelief.

“You’re telling me you didn’t recognize this dick?” Richie asked, swaggering over to Eddie, clearly enjoying himself.

“How did you recognize it was me?”

Richie nodded toward the Thundercats poster on Eddie’s wall, then to the model train that sat on his dresser. “What other guy has decor like that and the ass to match?”

Eddie grinned and shook his head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Well pardon me for not being especially eloquent when I’ve just learned that the guy I’ve been masturbating to since I learned how to and been in love with for even longer has been masturbating to me too.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide, all thoughts of getting fucked leaving for a moment. “You’re in love with me?” he asked, his voice as soft as his smile.

Richie was not a bashful person, but the little laugh he let out just then was close to it. “Have been my whole life, but thanks for finally noticing.”

Eddie shook his head and stepped closer, until he had to crane his head up to meet Richie’s gaze. “I love you too.”

Richie’s eyes widened behind his thick frames. Eddie had only seen that look in Richie’s eyes a few times before, but he never wanted to lose sight of it again. He always wanted Richie to look at him like that. But then Richie was closing his eyes and leaning down. It only took Eddie a second to get with the program, drinking in the moment just a little longer before letting his own eyes fall shut as he pressed his lips against Richie’s.

It started gentle enough, if deep and passionate and intentional. But then Richie’s hands were on Eddie’s bare waist, skin against skin, and Eddie was gasping into Richie’s mouth, his hands coming up and resting against Richie’s chest. He curled his fingers into Richie’s shirt as Richie ran his tongue over Eddie’s lips, just before pulling away. He laughed at Eddie’s indignant little whine.

“Oh, you mean you don’t want me to take off my shirt right now?” he smirked as Eddie tried to pull him closer by the offending fabric. Huffing, Eddie conceded and let go long enough to let Richie pull the shirt off over his head.

“Oh,” he said softly, his voice a little, awed moan as he drank in Richie’s chest. It wasn’t like Richie had never been shirtless in front of Eddie before, but Eddie had never felt like he was allowed to really look at Richie all those times. But now he could; now he could touch. And he did, running his fingers over Richie’s smooth, warm skin, over his acne scars and blackheads and freckles. “Fuck, Richie,” he sighed before pressing his lips to Richie’s collarbones, trailing them all over Richie’s beautiful chest.

Richie gave a breathless, almost shy laugh as he stroked Eddie’s hair. “Damn, Eds, never pegged you as a tits guy.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Eddie giggled, bringing his lips back to Richie’s. They both smiled into it, getting lost for a moment as Richie’s hands slid slowly down Eddie’s sides. His hands lingered on Eddie’s hips for a moment before he slid them further down and grabbed at Eddie’s ass, making him gasp.

“Is that any way to talk to the guy who’s about to rail you ‘til you can’t walk?”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” Eddie asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Spank me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Richie smirked. He gave Eddie’s ass a playful smack, making Eddie gasp again and fall into him, needing more. Richie’s voice was dripping with adoration as he purred, “Little brat,” and pulled Eddie against him, kissing him again. Eddie went with it easily and happily parted his lips to let Richie lick into his mouth. Richie had one hand gripping Eddie’s jaw and the other on his ass, touching him in a way that exuded a command Eddie was desperate to follow. God, Eddie knew Richie had big hands, but they felt huge on him like this. It was dizzyingly hot. And the way Richie’s tongue was teasing his had Eddie’s knees going weak. His dick was throbbing in his shorts, aching to finish what he’d started, what had been interrupted. When he thought about it all—about playing with himself for Richie, about the video Richie had sent him, about all those things Richie had said about filling Eddie up—he felt himself clench down on nothing, desperate to get fucked. Desperate to feel Richie’s cock so deep inside of him.

“Richie,” he whined into the kiss, pulling on Richie’s belt loops, “please.” He pressed himself urgently against Richie and rutted shamelessly against his thigh.

“Fuck, you’re a needy little thing, aren’t you?” His voice was cocky and teasing, but there was an apparent undercurrent of wonder there as well.

Eddie shoved his face into Richie’s neck and whined, grabbing onto Richie’s wrists without even knowing what his goal was. “Richie,” he whimpered, sounding pitiful and ruined already.

“What do you want, baby?” Richie’s voice made it clear that he was enjoying seeing Eddie this wrecked, and that just made Eddie even harder. “Come on, tell me, use your words.”

Eddie squirmed as Richie held him close, but still not touching him in any relieving way. “I need you inside,” Eddie said, his voice high and soft as he squirmed in Richie’s grip. “God, please, Richie, need you to fuck me. Fuck me so hard I can’t even think. Fuck me like I’m your little toy.”

Eddie could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth, and judging by the gasp he heard Richie let out, he’d caught Richie off guard too. But if the hard bulge in his jeans that brushed up against Eddie was any indication, he was apparently just as turned on as Eddie was. Besides, Eddie knew from his blog that Richie was really into that sort of thing too—and, apparently, really into the idea of doing those things with Eddie. The realization that Richie had been saying all those filthy things about him had him grinding against him with even more fervor, kissing his neck with a heated confidence. Richie moaned, and Eddie could feel the warmth of it spreading through him. “Yeah, sweetheart? You want to feel me inside you? You think you’re ready for me?”

“Yes,” Eddie sighed, looking up at Richie with wide, desperate eyes. He shivered at the new look in Richie’s eyes, the blue nearly entirely eclipsed by how wide his pupils were. He looked hungry for Eddie; Eddie wanted to feel it. “‘M ready, Richie, please, so open for you.” He looked to the toy on his bed pointedly, but Richie only gave a deep laugh.

“Oh honey, that’s cute that you think that little thing is gonna have you ready for my cock.” Eddie’s breath caught; that toy wasn’t small. Before he could gather his scattered brain enough to react, Richie was scooping him up and tossing him on the bed, the toy falling forgotten to the floor. Richie moved Eddie onto his back, and Eddie went happily, pliantly. Richie’s fingers were cool against Eddie’s burning skin as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Eddie’s shorts, slowly dragging them over his hips and down his legs, tossing them to the floor. Eddie’s cock was dripping with precome, his chest flushed a bright red as he squirmed under Richie’s gaze. Eddie been dreaming of Richie manhandling him like this for he didn’t even know how long; he couldn’t help the way he reacted. And he especially couldn’t help the pleased little sound he made when Richie murmured, “God, you’re gorgeous, Eds.” Then Richie was grabbing him by the ankles, gently but firmly spreading Eddie’s legs, and Eddie let out the most pathetic, genuine moan he’d ever heard. “Fuck, baby, you sound pretty. You like when I spread you open?” Richie asked. He was smirking down at Eddie, but Eddie could see how flushed he was, could see the thrilled awe in his dark, hungry eyes as Eddie nodded.

“Richie, please,” Eddie whimpered. “I need you so bad.” He sat up, reaching for Richie’s belt, but Richie easily pressed him back against the mattress with a large hand on the center of his chest. The confidence in Richie’s dominance took Eddie’s breath away, and he stayed right where he was, nice and obedient, as he watched Richie get off the bed and slowly undo his belt, then his button and zipper. He took his time dragging his jeans and boxers off, enough time to let Eddie’s eyes linger on the reveal of the dark hair under Richie’s waistband. Then Richie’s cock was bouncing up against his stomach, hard and flushed and fucking long. Eddie moaned at the sight and fisted the sheets underneath him. He wanted so badly to get his mouth on Richie, to breathe him in and be nice and good for Richie on his knees. But he was also desperate to get fucked; his hole clenched down on nothing at the thought, and then it was all he could think about again. “Richie,” he repeated, whining now as he reached for him. “Stop being such a tease.”

Richie laughed as he moved easily out of Eddie’s grip and climbed on top of him. Eddie gasped softly at the sight of Richie above him, his dark curls surrounding his face, his full, pink lips pulled into the most beautiful smile Eddie had ever seen in his life. He ran his hands over Richie’s chest and sides, marveling at the fact that this was really happening. Then, his eyes flickering down, he tentatively brought his hand to Richie’s cock.

“Oh, fuck,” they said, both at the same time, making them giggle together.

“Fuck, Eds, your pretty little hand looks so cute wrapped around my cock,” Richie teased in a low, rough voice. Eddie shivered; he couldn’t tell if Richie was praising him or degrading him, but either way it made his head fuzzy.

“‘M not that little,” Eddie grumbled out of habit. But he was clearly breathless. He’d never been good at pretending not to like Richie’s compliments, however teasing.

“Aw, but you are, baby,” Richie cooed, nuzzling his nose against Eddie’s and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “You’re so cute and tiny for me. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to fit my cock inside you.”

“I can,” Eddie whined, both indignant and impatient. He bucked his hips up, but Richie held him down. He gasped when he felt the warm, soft skin of Richie’s cock press against his stomach. Looking down, he saw that Richie had his cock lying on Eddie’s stomach, showing just how deep he would be once he was inside Eddie.

“You sure about that, babydoll?” While the teasing note was still there, Richie’s voice got noticeably softer as he said, “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Eddie’s chest swelled at that. Cupping Richie’s face in his hands, he insisted, “I can take it.” Then he reached down and took Richie in his hand, glowing with pride when Richie let out a low moan. “Richie, please, I want you so bad.”

“Okay, baby,” Richie agreed, turning his head to kiss Eddie’s palm. “Fuck, I want you, too.” But he stalled. “Have you ever… like, been fucked before?”

Eddie flushed. “Well, not by someone else, but I have some toys. I’m not gonna break, Richie.” He huffed, but the way Richie was looking at him soothed any ruffled feathers.

“I’m your first?” His smile was soft, and while his eyes glittered, there was nothing teasing about his tone.

“I didn’t wanna do it with anyone else,” Eddie mumbled. He tried to look away, but Richie pulled him into a kiss.

“Fuck, I never thought you’d want me,” he chuckled. “Sorry, that was depressing, I just mean I can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner, you know?”

Eddie beamed, a small, giddy giggle dancing on his lips. “Well it’ll happen sooner if you stop talking so much.” But his smile, and all of the little kisses he planted on Richie’s freckled shoulders told Richie that Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.

“Alright, alright, sheesh, I know I’m hot but you don’t gotta rush me.” Eddie was still giggling when Richie kissed him, and he could feel that Richie was smiling too. “Where’s your lube?”

Eddie stretched his hand out and patted the bed for a moment, searching. After what was probably only four seconds but felt like an eternity, he finally found the bottle and handed it eagerly to Richie. “Oh, right,” Richie smirked, “you’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” Eddie moaned as Richie swiped his fingers over Eddie’s slick hole, pressing in just a bit. His fingers went in easily, and he pumped them slowly, drawing little, breathy moans out of Eddie. Richie’s fingers were a lot longer and thicker than his own, and they felt amazing, but they weren’t what he wanted in that moment.

“Richie, fuck me,” he whined.

“Aw, no please? Again?” Richie tsked and shook his head, curling his fingers against Eddie’s prostate, making him cry out. “I told you, sweetheart, only good boys who use their manners get fucked.”

“Please,” Eddie cried. He rocked his hips and grabbed at Richie’s shoulders, at his arms, not even sure what his goal was there other than to get Richie closer, to get his attention, to show him how desperate he was. “Please fuck me, please.” He sounded pathetic begging like this, but that just made him harder. And it made Richie’s pupils even wider as he slid his fingers out of Eddie and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Good boy,” he purred. Eddie moaned and arched into Richie’s touch, but he only gave Eddie one more kiss on his cheek before pulling back and covering his cock in lube. Eddie watched, entranced, as Richie’s hand moved smoothly over his cock, glistening and slick. Then Richie was gently spreading Eddie’s legs even further and pressing the head of his cock against Eddie’s hole.

“Yes,” Eddie whimpered brokenly, grasping at the sheets beneath him. “Richie, please.” Meeting his gaze, he said softly, “I need you.”

“I’ve got you,” Richie assured him in a voice that made Eddie feel like he was glowing. Richie took Eddie’s hand in his and entwined their fingers, using his other hand to guide his cock inside of Eddie, who gasped at the feeling. God, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe his first time was going to be with his favorite person. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting exactly what he wanted. Love flooded through him, warm and perfect, somehow both soothing and electrifying as he watched Richie’s face. Eddie’s mouth dropped as Richie pressed into him, deeper and deeper and still fucking deeper, until finally Richie let out a low moan and Eddie felt absolutely breathless. The stretch was intense, and he held onto Richie tightly as he caught his breath. “Are you alright?” Richie asked. His voice was strained, but the care and concern in it was clear. “You don’t have to take all of it if it’s too much.”

Eddie wanted to laugh at the remark or roll his eyes, but with how breathless and dizzied by pleasure he already was, he had to admit Richie had a point. “Just need a minute,” he gasped. Richie ran a soothing hand over Eddie’s skin, helping him even out his breathing and relax. The feeling of Richie’s cock twitching in anticipation inside of him had him letting out little moans as he adjusted, getting more and more used to the feeling until he felt comfortable enough to tell Richie he could move. Richie kissed him before he did, his lips soft against Eddie’s, a reassuring weight. Eddie breathed in sharply as Richie pulled back, grabbing at Richie’s shoulders.

Richie immediately stopped. “You okay, baby?” he asked, caressing Eddie’s face.

Eddie wanted to melt. Richie was always touching him, always jokingly flirting with him, but this unabashed concern and, well, love had previously been reserved for dire situations, like panic attacks or injuries. Eddie couldn’t help the dopey smile that bloomed on his face as he tilted his chin up and kissed Richie. “I’m okay,” he said breathlessly. “It’s just a little different from my vibrator.” They both gave a shaky laugh as Richie nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“Better, I hope?” he grinned.

“Can’t tell yet,” Eddie retorted. Another snarky comment was on the tip of his tongue when Richie pulled his hips further back, effectively sucking all the air—and attitude—from Eddie’s chest. And then Richie was pushing back in, and Eddie let out a moan he couldn’t have faked if he tried, relaxing back into the mattress as his eyes fell shut. It was the best thing he’d ever felt, pleasure and relief flooding through his body. They’d been building up this tension for years; Eddie had figured it would feel good to break it, but it really felt magical, like something had just clicked into place. Feeling Richie inside of him, rocking his hips carefully, feeling Richie twitch as he tried not to lose control had Eddie’s head reeling. Eddie’s eyes fluttered open, focusing on Richie above him, on how flushed his face was. When Richie met his eye, pressing in deep, Eddie let out a small, “Fuck.”

“Yeah? Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

Richie was smirking as he said it, but there was something else sparkling in his eyes. Something giddy and awed. Something that made Eddie sigh dreamily, “I love you.”

Richie’s eyes widened for a moment before he pressed his lips firmly against Eddie’s, his hands roaming over Eddie’s body like he couldn’t choose where to put them, where to touch him. “I love you so much,” he beamed, pressing a few more kisses to Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie giggled at the feeling, but then Richie’s hips moved just a little faster, pressing him in just a little deeper, and he was back to melting under Richie’s touch, clinging to him as he rocked his hips with Richie’s. “Fuck, you’re so amazing, baby, so fucking beautiful. You look so good like this, holy shit.”

Eddie smiled almost drunkenly at Richie’s ability to ramble even when blowing Eddie’s mind. “Feels so good,” he moaned, his voice breathy and just a little bit higher than normal. He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist. “Please, Richie, please.”

“Fuck, baby, wanna make you feel like this all the fucking time,” Richie groaned as he picked up the pace. Eddie whined in pleasure at the change, and that just spurred Richie to go faster, harder, until he was well and truly fucking Eddie, both of them moaning with every thrust.

“Oh my god,” Eddie cried, “ohmygodohmygodhmygod, oh fuck, Richie, please.” It felt so amazing, Richie fucking into him like this, but he needed that little bit more. His cock was throbbing desperately, achingly hard; he needed to feel Richie’s hand on him. “Richie, please,” he whimpered, “please, please touch me. I need you, I need you so bad, please, Richie.” Eddie was pouting now, grabbing aimlessly at Richie, his legs still wrapped tight around him.

“Fuck, you’re so hard for me,” Richie marveled, his voice sweet and condescending as he wrapped his hand around Eddie’s cock. Eddie nearly screamed at the contact, his back arching off the bed. Richie laughed a little, which just made Eddie even harder. The way Richie spread his precome over his cock, twisting his wrist just so as he stroked him had that familiar tension coiling in his lower stomach. “Aw, does that feel good? You gonna come on my cock, kitten?”

“Fuck, yes!” Eddie screamed. He gripped at the sheets as Richie stroked him, his voice washing over Eddie, mixing with the pleasure of Richie’s touch, of his thrusts. “Yes, yes, yes, please let me come, please, please, please.”

“That’s a good boy,” Richie purred, and Eddie could feel himself tipping over the edge at the words, at how low and affected Richie’s voice was. He groaned out, “Come on my cock like a good boy, princess,” and pure pleasure crashed over Eddie like a wave. He arched his back and cried out as he came, his moans filling the room as he squirmed under Richie, grabbed at him, at the sheets. It was fucking ethereal. He felt somehow so in tune with his body and yet so detached, like he was floating. He was barely cognizant of what Richie was saying, but when he put the sounds together and realized Richie had just said, panting, “Fuck, baby, gonna come,” Eddie felt like a live wire again.

“In me,” he said urgently. His mind was still a little too scattered for full sentences, but he knew what he wanted. God, he felt like he needed it. Like he needed to feel that connected to Richie. “Richie, come inside me, please.”

Richie apparently didn’t need to be told twice; he let out a moaned, “Oh, fuck,” before burying his face in Eddie’s neck, his breathy moans like music in Eddie’s ear. And then, as Eddie was coming down from his own high, he felt the holiest thing in the world: Richie’s cock, twitching inside of him, then his warm come filling Eddie up. It was unreal, being this close to him. Richie clutching at him as he came. It was even better than the little fantasies Eddie occasionally allowed himself. Richie was here, in his arms, pressing kisses to his neck as he caught his breath. Eddie was stroking his hair and rubbing his back as Richie nuzzled into him. Richie’s skin pressed against his skin, his legs wrapped around Richie’s waist, then falling to his sides, but still pressed to him. Still keeping him close. There wasn’t a single thought in his head that wasn’t about Richie.

Richie pulled him from his dreamy haze with light kisses pressed up his jaw, then over his cheeks. Eddie giggled at the onslaught of affection, still reeling from how fucking hot and euphoric what they had just done together had been. But he happily accepted Richie’s kisses, his heart bursting, then racing as Richie pulled back to look in his eyes. “Holy, fuck,” Richie beamed, his face flushed and blue eyes hooded from the weight of his orgasm, even as they sparkled.

“I know,” Eddie said, returning Richie’s grin as he basked in the surreality of having Richie on top of him, his dorky yet charming smile framed by lips that were red and swollen because of Eddie. His glasses were knocked askew, and Eddie instinctively reached up to fix them. With a sense of wonder, he realized that his touch was allowed to linger this time. He ran his fingers down Richie’s cheekbones, over his jaw, cupped his cheeks. “I love you,” he said. The words spilled out over his lips like he couldn’t stand not to say them. And while it made his heart race a little to say it out loud now that the adrenaline and tension was all worked through, it felt even better this time when Richie’s face softened and he nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“I love you so fucking much.” Richie’s voice rarely got that soft, that sincere; it felt like a blanket wrapping around Eddie. It felt safe, secure. It felt like a promise. And if there was anyone in the world Eddie knew he could trust, it was Richie. That feeling of everything coming together came back to Eddie as he lay there under Richie, their lips moving together, feeling light as a feather now that everything was finally out in the open.

[bloodycassian]

FIRE AND ICE PART THREE - THE END OF IT ALL

Cassian wasn't at the house when you flew back the next morning. Feyre met you in the dining room though, giving you an easy smile and offering you a cup of tea. You took it, hoping she didn't say anything about your puffy eyes. She kept it light, casual. You asked about her painting and summoning wings which she laughed and said "Both could use some work." 

Feyre was a constant that you appreciated. She was safe, and tolerable. Like how Mor was, but you felt like you could trust her more. Mor usually lost herself once a week at Ritas. You didn't want any secrets spilling out there by accident. 

"If you need me, you know I'm here." She said, tone more hushed and serious now. You could only manage a small shake of your head. You didn't have the heart to say you preferred to suffer in silence. The thought of her reaction made you smile. It put on a good enough show, she smiled back and you felt less guilty without saying anything. You made for your room, trying your best to lull the dull aching in your body from sobbing through the night. 

Azriel hadn't left your side the whole time. He didn't say anything besides shushing you when you began blaming yourself for everything falling apart. He had only given you a small wave when you took off together. He flew the opposite way, towards Illyria. You felt colder once he'd left. You didn't know why. You hoped you hadn't scared him off. 

You fell into bed with no grace, and were asleep quickly among the fluffy pillows and soft blankets. Cassian's scent lingered on the pillowed side he claimed when he slept there. You turned away from them, curling in on yourself on the opposite side.

+

Dinner with the entire inner circle the next night wasn’t going to be fun. 

You didnt talk to Cassian the entire day. You waited for your moment to strike at the dinner. And it made it all worth it just to see his face as you said what you’d been planning all night. “I’m leaving for Illyria in the morning.”

Azriel choked on his wine. Mor’s fork clattered to her plate loudly. Az's eyes were wide, and stared at you with worry. Rhys was calm, maybe a bit too much. You checked your mental shields to make sure he was kept out. They held strong.

“Seeing as I lack the proper training, I will be seeking it out at the war camps.” You then met Cassian’s wide eyes. His shocked stare made you smirk at him bitterly. 

“They will clip you.” Az’s voice was little more than a whisper. The thought of it had scared you, yes. But you figured if you were a good enough fighter for the three most powerful Illyrians in history, then you were good enough to take on the likes of Devlon. 

You said nothing to Azriel’s grim words. The tension in the room came to a head when Cassian shot out of his chair, knocking it backwards. “You will not.” He growled. Az’s shadows curled like thick smoke around him, and Rhys tensed. 

“Why shouldn’t she?” Feyre asked, eyes narrowing at Cassian. 

“She dosent know-” Cassian began dismissing.

“I know perfectly well what could happen.” You said with deadly calm. There was a long strained silence after your words. You could practically hear Cas’ teeth grind together.

“Leave us.” Cassian’s tone was an order. The room was deathly silent. He didn't break eye contact with you, just waited for the others to leave.

Mor glanced to Rhys. Feyre’s slight glare did not leave Cassian’s tensed shoulders. Rhys stood slowly, giving the group a gesture. They rose, Azriel last. Then Rhys winnowed them away. 

"If it makes you see me as strong I'll train with them."

"You'll be clipped the second you land." His words sent a thrill of terror through you.

"What do you propose instead? I will not stand by for your protecting."

"Just make this easy... please." He leaned against the table, exhausted with the fighting. "Dont go there. Even if it means.."

"If it means I can't be with you?" You interjected. The entire world seemed to still. You  stopped breathing. They seemed to echo through the dining space. The wind did not make the curtains bellow in the welcoming way they usually did. Your heart slammed in your chest, waiting for his reply.

It was a long wait. But finally - “So you’re leaving me?” He asked, voice rough.

“It seems you give me no other choice. You cant keep treating me like I’m your paper doll, Cassian.” 

The words stung more when they actually came out, instead of the reherals you’d done in your head. They made your throat go tight and your hands shake. You loved him. You knew that. He knew that. But you loved your independence from him more. 

“I just-” He held his head in his hands, his face going red. “I need you.” He sighed. 

“Then be with me!” You were reaching the end of your rope. Your ability to keep going through this with him was wearing thin. This dance of ‘I love you ‘ and ‘prove it’ was ending. You could feel it, as sure as winter was in the air. 

His shoulders shook. Then, you realized he was sobbing. You clamped down on the urge to comfort him. “If leaving you is going to keep you from going to that camp…” He regained his composure. When he finally looked at you again, his eyes were red. His voice shook, “Then at least give me a kiss goodbye.” His lips trembled as he said the words. 

The truth of the situation snapped into place. This was it. This was the only conclusion that would have been made, in the end. Your stomach twisted and flipped in all sorts of new ways. Seeing him so weak, so defeated like you’d never seen before made your mind spin. One of the strongest Illyrians ever was crying… over you. One of the best males you’d ever met was there crying… because you both knew the ending to your story together.

You couldn’t handle it anymore. The floodgates broke and you were sobbing, in his arms in an instant. 

=====================

The next week went by incredibly slowly. You remained nearly catatonic the first two days. Only getting out of bed to use the bathroom. Feyre visited, tried to talk to you. But without you answering back, she went to reading at the couch next to the side of the bed. You turned away, trying not to stare at the pillows scattered on the opposite wall. All the ones Cassian had ever touched - anything that smelled remotely of him.

==========================

Mor finally forced you from bed. Getting up was much much harder than it sounded. She prodded you into getting dressed, and eventually got you down to the city streets for some ‘quality time with the real world’.

“Cassian will-” 

“Cassian isn’t here. It’s about you right now.” She flicked hair from her face. Your mind ran wild. Wasn’t here? 

“What do you mean?” 

“Rhys took him to the continent for some boy time. Az went too. My guess is so that Cassian can’t destroy any buildings in Velaris while he’s on his bender.”

Guilt was the last nail in the coffin. You stood in the middle of the busy sidewalk, not caring that other Fae bumped into you or gave you dirty looks. “I need to apologize..” You managed through the tightness in your throat. 

“No- no no no, hey.” She took your hand and started pulling you along again. You fought away the tears that stung your eyes. They were cool when you blinked them away, the cold nip in the air numbing your face enough so you didnt feel the corners of your eyes beading with the tears. 

“We are going to have fun. You’re coming to Rita’s with me.” She shimmied her hips as you followed her down the familiar alleyway. “Is this really a good idea?” You sighed, offering the door keeper a silver coin. The male nodded and gave you a wolfish grin as you passed him by. 

 Mor paused in the doorway and eyed up the lights, the dancers on stage. “This is a perfect idea. Trust me.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You lost yourself in dancing and drinking. It felt so good to let go. Mor kept a watchful eye on you the entire night, but still had fun. She brought you drinks when you were nearly empty, keeping you fueled. 

You stumbled out close to dawn. Mor winnowed you to a nearby rooftop. You spun, your head swimming in alcohol. "Easy..." She steadied you, holding your arm tightly. You didnt know when your thoughts became your speaking voice, but she was replying to you. You blinked at her slowly, the buzz of the alcohol making you slow and sleepy. 

"This is all a mess. I love him, but Azriel just..." You ran your hands through your greasy hair. You couldnt remember the last time you'd bathed. Mor gave you a grim smile. "I know... I've had to make similar choices." She put a hand on your shoulder and squeezed slightly.

You didn't particularly want to think of her with the same male as you. Or the fact that Azriel had pined after her for so long. Or that she and Cassian definitely had a similar history. You hoped you didn't utter the words to her though. Mor was your friend.

"They are both special males. You need to make the right choice for you though." She pulled you down to the cold rooftop. You knocked your head a bit too hard on the ground, making her choke back a laugh. "It is your life that you decide. Not theirs, they will make their choices." Her hand squeezed yours reassuringly. The stars above shimmered and lulled you

You couldn't bear to speak with her pulling you apart with her words. With all the truth in the world hiding behind her eyes- buried in her soul. All the answers you knew you didn't want to know right now.

So you let yourself fall into the darkness that bordered the stars, drifting to sleep easily.

+ 

You avoided the Illyrian males as best you could when they returned. You spent most of your time either asleep in your room after drinking, sparring with Feyre or at Ritas. It was a cycle you grew very accustom to. It worked. It kept your mind off him. Off of the heartbreak.

Mor couldn't drink with you the next week. She had 'important business' in the Hewn city or something similar. So you walked to Rita's alone, sat at your usual table and watched the dancers. By your fourth drink you had joined them. You threw yourself into the delight of drink and merriment with strangers. Various hands caressed your body, the group writhed with you. A living being on the dancefloor, all moving together.

It made you feel whole again. You didn't have to think about Cassian's words, or how he thought you weak. Didnt have to think about the pain you caused him. The worries slipped away with each drink.

You were escorted to the street by a bouncer, along with a few other fae that had been a bit too rowdy. You couldn't hear what was said but it sounded something like 'go home'. You sat on the sidewalk, taking a moment for yourself.  The stars above were shrouded by a cover of fog. It would be a cold morning. You could feel it in your wings, the soft leather was raised with goosebumps. 

"I've been waiting for you." The voice was familiar, but it took you a moment to put your finger on it. Azriel. You grinned at him, wobbling when you took your eyes off the stars. His eyes seemed darker than usual, those shadows of his sluggishly crept around him. Around both of you, you realized when you felt them creep up your legs. 

"Why didn't you join me?" You slurred, shooing his tendrils of darkness off of you. They skittered back to his shoulders, wrapping over him like a coat. His face went a bit flushed at whatever they returned to him.

He held a hand out to you, offering to help you up. "Rita's isn't exactly my style." He grinned, hauling you to your feet with his scarred hands. They were remarkably soft, and warm. You hadn't expected the welcome heat from them against your chilled fingertips. 

"Then what is, shadowsinger?"

His gaze was long and full of questions. "I can show you another time. Let's get you back." He walked you to the middle of the street and took off with you gently, getting you used to flying again. He supported you the entire way, you knew you were drifting. He didn't say anything about it, just corrected and pointed to the landing when you were nearing. He landed first, and caught you when you nearly fell on your face from your rough landing. He couldn't hide the amusement. "Shut up." You shoved him slightly.

 "Do you want me to put you to bed?" He asked, not condescendingly like the words suggested. But genuinely. It made your heart stutter. You stammered - "Ah, no.. No I know where it is." You began walking that way.

"I hope so." He watched you go down the hall. Then, once he heard your door click shut (A bit too loud for normal) He took off again, into the night sky. 

[emeraldiis]

Mirrorball // I

A/N: there will be a part two!! dont worry!!

AO3 Link

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Word Count: 2.9k

Summary: Reader hides her insecurity under a guise of unwavering happiness, but Loki ends up finding out the truth. Meanwhile, Loki struggles with feeling worthy of love.

Warnings: suicidal ideation, insecurity, misunderstandings, angst

Loki wasn’t sure why you lived with the Avengers. Sure, you were one hell of a good cook, and you bartended at Tony’s numerous parties, but surely you could do that while having a place of your own. Normally, Loki wouldn’t have given a second thought to where somebody chose to reside--even if he couldn’t understand people’s willingness to be anywhere near Stark--but you were driving him insane.

When Loki had first arrived at the tower, it had been a cruel and unusual punishment. House arrest at the very place that he suffered a humiliating defeat, with the very heroes that had defeated him. Of course, not many people were very welcoming. He was permitted to roam about the tower as long as he stayed on good behavior, but that didn’t mean all residents were alright with it. 

Stark was the easiest to deal with; his jokes and quips about Loki’s unfortunate ventures to rule, well, anything stung, but the malice behind them faded with every passing day. After all, it had been a long time since New York. Banner and Wanda were another story. They treated him politely enough, but the fear behind their eyes whenever he passed by made something rotten stir in his gut. No matter how much he attempted to redeem himself, people still saw him as evil. A villain.

It seemed as if Steve and Thor were the only ones glad to have him there. The Captain’s open arms had come as a surprise, but Loki was intuitive, and very quickly realized that Steve saw him in the same light as he did the Winter Soldier, Bucky. And in a way, Loki could see the similarities. They had both done awful things--albeit under far different circumstances--and were now working on gaining the trust of the ones kind enough to give them a second chance.

So Loki found himself seeking out Bucky’s company far more often than any of his other acquaintances. It was a strange sort of companionship, but it worked; Bucky usually opted to listen instead of speak, giving Loki the opportunity to ramble on about whatever grievances he held that week. There were usually a lot, and Bucky was the only one who didn’t offer him useless advice. He simply nodded along, fixing Loki with that thousand yard stare until he had finished.

And then, of course, there was you. All smiles and playful energy, with a raunchy sense of humor and a sharp tongue. You were much smaller than him, in terms of height and stature, but he often felt dwarfed when you were in the room. You just took up so much space with that reckless attitude and need for everyone in the room to be laughing. In an odd sort of way, you reminded him of a clown. Not because you were goofy, or funny looking, no. You just...made people smile, held their attention and made it your dying goal to be there for entertainment. 

The first time Loki had seen you, he was quick to notice your easy beauty. It was rare that he found a Midgardian woman to be attractive, but he couldn’t deny that something about you just appealed to him. You weren’t a supermodel, nor were you drop-dead gorgeous in terms of Midgardian standards, but you had a very real-life grace. You didn’t look like those dolled up actresses he often saw on the television, you looked more natural, something that instantly caught Loki’s eye.

He had been reading quietly in the common room of the Stark Tower, having been forced out of his room by Thor to “at least be present, brother.” The other Avengers droned on about petty events while he attempted to tune them out. And then you stormed in, bringing a sense of excitement to the room with your very aura.

You greeted each person individually, making sure no hero was left out, until your eyes settled on him. Loki felt a heat rise in his cheeks under your intense gaze, and shifted uncomfortably. He brushed off the feeling as it simply had been a while since he had spoken to an attractive woman, not wanting to admit to himself the effect your presence had on him.

“New guy, Loki, psycho murderer,” you rattled off, still staring him down. Loki felt as if you were a cat, and he was the poor mouse that you had selected as your new plaything. “Which do you prefer?”

That caught him off guard. While he was still somewhat unfamiliar with Midgard’s social customs, he was at least sure that this was not a normal way to greet a stranger. That, and the disrespect warred with what he was used to: women on Asgard bowing to him, treating him with the dignity that a prince deserved. Despite the surprise, Loki’s aloof outer demeanor was not shaken, and he let the strangeness of it all roll off his back as he replied, “How about ‘God of Mischief?’ Or, if that is a bit too wordy, I would be open to ‘King Loki.’”

 Your eyes lit up, and Loki found himself having to fight back a smile. His unconscious reaction left him feeling confused and slightly frustrated. Why was this mortal girl sending his emotions in a whirl? Loki scrambled for some sort of reasoning that didn’t have him looking pathetic, and settled on the idea that it had been a while since he had bed a woman, and you were particularly attractive. It only made sense that his body would react in ways that he had not expected.

Lost in his head, Loki barely noticed you were speaking again. “I like this one!” You said, clearly excited that he had matched your banter with ease. “New best friend acquired.”

Once again, you had left Loki reeling. Best friend? He wasn’t sure if he had ever had one of those before, and certainly not with someone he had just met. In fact, he wasn’t entirely positive that he even wanted one. Especially in the form of some over-enthusiastic mortal. Before he could protest, you plopped yourself down next to him on the couch. It wasn’t a very big piece of furniture, so when you settled into your seat, you were only a couple inches away from touching Loki. 

He could feel the heat radiating off of your body, and once again, his heart fluttered. The urge to lean into you overwhelmed him, and Loki furrowed his eyebrows. God, had it really been that long since he had been with someone? The frustration at his stupid body for its stupid needs grew, and Loki made up his mind then and there. He would court you, then fuck you, and get over this silly little infatuation. With your earlier outburst at wanting to befriend him, Loki figured that it would be a breeze. With his silvertongue and charming good looks, he would have you squirming under him in no time. Easy.

But, of course, nothing was ever easy for Loki. You had managed to prove him quite wrong over the next few weeks. Your obliviousness to flirting was quite impressive, Loki found, despite even his most direct attempts. Every advance he made was thwarted by complete, and utter ignorance, coupled with the fact that you had probably not taken a single thing seriously in your entire life. 

Loki would compliment you, and you’d grin wolfishly and twist it to make his words sound insulting, then cackling madly. And then was the time he “joked,” about getting you into his bed, to which you burst into a fit of giggles and said, “No way! I don’t want to be the other woman to Bucky!”

Loki had recoiled in bewilderment, and decided that enough was enough. Obviously you weren’t worth the effort, considering you never actually listened to anything he said. He’d just have to find someone who was capable of holding a conversation without turning something into a joke.

But...he couldn’t deny that he was constantly having to fight back a laugh at your remarks, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that you were annoying, not funny. And even when he had abandoned his plot to seduce you, Loki found himself gravitating towards you. Truth be told, he knew how to be direct, to really get what he wanted, but every time he worked up the courage to just lean in and kiss you...something stopped him. Deep down, he knew that if you actually rejected him, then the game would be over, and something about that just seemed devastating to Loki. So he continued with cat and mouse, letting you deflect his advances time after time, because at least you weren’t actually saying no.

He’d wander in the kitchen while you were cooking, sit down to watch your favorite shows and movies, and had even taken to sitting on the roof with you late at night when neither of you could sleep. Loki couldn’t avoid it anymore. It wasn't a simple attraction that he felt, it was adoration. You, a mortal of all creatures, had captured his interest. Maybe it was your wit. Maybe it was your unshakable happiness, the ability to keep everyone’s spirits up in any situation. Maybe it was the crushing need to protect you, to protect that pure soul from the viciousness of the universe. Whatever it was, you had actually ended up as Loki’s best friend. And somewhere along the line, he had fallen in love.

You sat in the living room alone, knees curled up to your chest on the couch. The four walls of your room had felt confining, like a prison cell that kept getting smaller. Your usual place of refuge would be the roof. But you didn’t dare venture up there like this. With your luck, Loki would find you there, and you weren’t sure if you had the strength to keep up your carefree persona.

Loki had never seen you upset before, never seen you weak. No one had, if you were honest. You fought hard to keep a smile plastered on your cheeks to keep up the appearance of a girl who never faltered with her high spirits. In a way, it wasn’t entirely fake. Joking around and being joyous was your real personality, but it was also a defense mechanism. If you never took anything seriously, nothing would ever hurt. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself. The anxiety that wrecked your brain stayed constant, though, making your life a constant war with your own mind.

Your friendship with Loki was a fragile one, or at least it felt that way. You often felt as if you were walking on eggshells; every word that came out of your mouth risked driving him away. He had seemed to enjoy your wild and snarky personality when you first met him, so you didn’t dare try to be anything else. You were afraid that he would lose all interest when he discovered that you were just as fragile as all mortals were.

It was risky having your breakdown out in one of the main rooms, but the risk was better than dealing with the claustrophobia of your lonely bedroom. Besides, it wasn’t like you were going to sleep anyway. Better to just wait for daylight where you could at least feel some modicum of safety.

In your misery, you had forgotten that Loki was not an easy being to hide from. You were pretty sure that it was damn near impossible, actually. He seemed to...sense...your emotions, when you were in distress. And though you never showed it, kept that unwavering smile plastered across your face, he always appeared when you needed a friend to sit with. Tonight was no different.

Like a shadow, Loki emerged from the hallway in front of you, piercing eyes quickly landing on your curled up form in the darkness. He raised an eyebrow at you when you refused to even acknowledge him. “Dear, would you like to go up to the roof? Away from prying ears?” He offered.

You shook your head, and shrunk further into yourself when he crossed the room to sit next to you. Loki looked a little uneasy, as it was rare that you were silent. Usually, he had to fight to get a word in when you were on a tangent. Not that he minded too much. Though he liked to talk, he held a certain fondness for listening to you.

Loki tried again to engage you. “Why not? I know it’s a bit chilly tonight, but you’ve never minded that before."

It was clear that the god wasn’t going away until you gave him some kind of response, so you gritted your teeth and lied. “Sorry, bud. I just feel sick, that’s all.” You forced a laugh, but it sounded strained. “I’d rather stay close to the bathroom. I’m not sure Tony would be too excited if I puked on his roof.”

Blue eyes stared into yours, and you could literally feel Loki not believing you. Of course the God of Mischief would be able to spot a lie from a mile away. Still, he didn’t push the subject, something that you were grateful for. “Alright,” he said, leaning back into the couch. “Would you like me to sit with you?”

Fuck, you didn’t want to have to reject his company a second time, but you really needed to be alone right now. Loki seeing you have a meltdown would be the last straw, and you’d just end up throwing yourself off of the Stark Tower. No, it was better this way. “That’s okay, you get some rest. I’m not gonna keep you up for something so small.” You still hadn’t looked up, afraid that Loki would see the glimmer of tears threatening to spill out of your eyes. “Besides, you need your beauty sleep,” you tried to tease, but your voice came out flat and dull.

Loki thought for a second, then sighed. “As your king, I override your decision. I will be staying here until you’re feeling well enough to sleep.” He waited expectantly, obviously ready for you to make some bratty quip about not being one of his subjects, but it never came. You just didn’t have it in you.

Now that Loki had fully sunk down on the couch, his body was only inches from yours. You wanted so badly to lean into the heat of his side, to bury your face in the crook of his neck and let him cuddle your fears away. Instead of following your instincts, you squashed the daydream like a pesky bug. Nothing about Loki indicated that he was the cuddling type. Hell, he’d never so much as hugged you. He probably wasn’t a big fan of physical touch.

Deep breaths, you told yourself. Just keep it together until you’re on your own. That’s when you stiffened. Loki had stretched a long arm around you, and was looking at you intently to gauge your reaction.

“Is this okay? Humans are very social creatures, touch can help provide some comfort if you’re feeling ill.”

Loki’s scientific approach to the entire situation almost made you break out into laughter. Almost. Regardless, it was too hard to resist when you had such an open invitation. You scooted closer to the god and leaned against him, letting Loki hold you tight.

Before you could even try to stop yourself, you had burst into sobs. Something about being held had just broken the dam, and you were weeping uncontrollably into Loki’s shirt, sputtering out apologies all the while.

Loki shushed you and held you tighter, and you could’ve sworn that you felt an aura of possessiveness in his embrace. “It’s okay,” he murmured into your hair. “I’m here to help.”

You didn’t know how long you cried for, but when you were finally able to rein in the tears, you were horrified. Loki’s shirt was soaked with snot and tears, and your face was most definitely swollen and blotchy with red spots. And, worst of all, you had just proven to him that you were weak, and not worth his time. This was a disaster. 

Loki, hearing your sniffling come to a stop, pulled away to look at you, and bit his lip nervously before beginning to speak. “There’s something I must confess to you. Seeing you now, trusting me with your vulnerability-”

You cut him off by jumping up from your seat, knocking his arms away from you. Like hell you were going to listen to the rest of his rejection. You already knew what he was going to say. That you were weak, that he no longer wanted anything to do with you. “Listen, Loki,” you snarled, unable to mask the pain in your voice. “You don’t have to say it, I get it. I’m gonna go to bed, you don’t have to hang out with me anymore,” you said, rushing to get the words out before you died from humiliation.

Loki watched in bewilderment, his words of affection dying on his lips and you turned tail and ran out of the room. Rejected? By a mortal? He had never known such embarrassment. And you hadn’t even had the good graces to let him finish. His heart began to darken with rage and shame. Of course you ran away, of course you didn’t want to be with someone like him. No one did, he should be used to this kind of treatment by now. How foolish of him to think that you would be any different.

[sweetiejunie]

It’s Because I Love you

Summary: Soobin dug himself into a hole and needed his bestfriend to help him out

Genre: Fluff, Friends-to-lovers, Slow-burn(ish)

Word count: ~10k (oops sry)

💕 Requested 

A/n: to the anon that requested this. I’m so sorry this took me forever... haha~ I hope you liked it! And writing this actually reminded how much i like writing these. Do you guys prefer these kind of longer fics or the shorter reaction type fics?

Warnings: Some swearing

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      “Y/n i fucked up.”

      Was first line that came out of soobin’s mouth when you opened the door. It wasn’t unusual for soobin to randomly show up at your place. But you really weren’t expecting his presence today, since you knew he would be busy packing to head home for the week break. You were about to greet him but before you could say anything, he beat you to it, his sentence laced with regret and panic.        “What did you do this time?” You answered, “aren’t you supposed to be packing?”        “I- excuse you what do you mean ‘this time’?” He mocked. “Okay, whatever, we’ll get back to that and yeah, i am, but I fucked up real bad,” he repeated.        “Huh?” You took a step back so soobin could enter. “Are you alright? What happened?”       “So you know how all my cousins and sibling are in a relationship right?” Soobin continued, making his way to your couch to sit down. Resting his head back against the cushions as he groaned.       “Yeah, what about it?” Tilting your head as the conversation got more confusing by the second. You closed the door behind you before joining him.        “Well... my brother just called me and may have been bothering me about being the only one that isn’t in a relationship...” he trailed off, “and erm, i may have said i... had a girlfriend. And now my family wants met her.”        You couldn’t help but burst out laughing at his confession, “you did what? You really dug yourself into a hole this time.”        Soobin was the youngest of his family. He was always the one that chose to focus more on his grades than actually making friends. Sure, he went to parties and drank every now and then, but other than that, he rarely did anything short of the ‘perfect son’. But despite all his efforts, there was always one thing his sibling could tease him about, and that was the fact that he was 21 and has never been in a relationship. Soobin always tried to not let this bother him, but i guess today, he just snapped.        “I really did,” he sighed. “That’s why i need your help.”        “How can i possibly help you out of this, soobin?” you ridiculed, glaring at him. “You do know that you’re one of my only friends, right? Meaning, I won’t be able to find anyone to play girlfriend with you.”         “Um, actually about that... i kind of told my family that my girlfriend goes to the same school as me and studies the same major as me. I also kind of told them that she has y/e/c eyes and y/h/c hair.” He sat up, looking for a reaction from you. Instead, all he saw was your blank expression, staring back at him. “Yeah so, if you hadn’t caught on yet, i might have, sort of, just described you to my family.”         Your eyes widened at his statement, you weren’t sure what to reply. You met soobin all the way back in high school, and you’ve stayed friends ever since — 5 years, 11 months, 23 days, to be exact. Not that you were keeping count or anything. You remember the first day you approached the shy boy, the new transfer student sitting at the back alone. He was the first friend you made there. And to makes things worse, you’ve had a crush on him, but you knew better than to confess and possibly ruin the friendship.         You’ve suppressed all your feeling since then. Maybe. Probably. Okay, no. But you’ve tried. And all this talk of ‘pretend girlfriend’ did nothing but make your heart start racing again.        “Why on earth would you do that!”        “I dont know! You were the first person that came to mind! So are you okay with doing me the favour of playing the role of my girlfriend?” Soobin said with a slight pout and puppy dog eyes. A move he knew you could never refuse, “You’re free this break, right?”        His sudden confession was like a blow to your heart. The first person that came to his mind... but it’s probably just because he didnt have many female friends, right?        “Erm...” you paused. The more you thought about his proposition, the more you found yourself weighing the consequences.        “Come on y/n. Please? We already get engaged every other week at clubs for free drinks. This won’t be that much different.”        “Would your family believe it? I mean, it’s me.”        “Sure they will. And it’ll be easy to fake it since you already know me.”        You paused for another second before replying. “Hm, right. Fine. But you owe me. Do i have to bring anything?” You were helping out a friend.         A friend. Nothing more, nothing less.        “Nope, just bring enough clothes. You don’t need anything too fancy,” he stood up, leaning down to give you a quick hug. As he walked towards the door, he looked over his shoulder before leaving your apartment. “Thanks for doing this, i really owe you. I’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow after our classes, alright? See you then.”

————-————-————-————-

        After an hour, three outfit changes and completely unpacking and repacking your luggage twice, you were finally satisfied and ready to go. It was only a weeks worth of clothes in a small luggage, yet, you still found a way to overthink it. In the end, you had settled for a simple tee with jeans and a coat to keep you warm for the ride.         Already, you were beginning to regret your decision of going along with this whole ‘fake girlfriend’ act. It had nothing to do with soobin or his family. They were absolutely wonderful, his parents were kind, his siblings were fun and sweet and his baby nephew was, well, a baby. The only problem was what if your heart liked the idea of being his ‘girlfriend’ just a little bit too much?         You had met his siblings and parents a handful of times when they visited him at his apartment. They’ve always been nothing but nice to you, and now, you were going to have to lie to them. The more you thought about it, the more your mind was playing angel and devil with you. On one hand, you didn’t want to spend the weekend being dishonest and possibly screwing up the image soobin’s family had of you. But on the other, you wanted to be selfish and be able to call soobin yours, even if it were just for a few days.         You sighed quietly, sitting in your living room waiting for soobin to pick you up like he said he would. The entire day you had been unable to focus in your classes, whatever your lectures said just going right through your head. At this time on fridays, you would normally have found soobin dressed in any lounge wear he had, crashing at your place to watch whatever movie he found that week. But now, you were going to find him dressed up, ready to bring you to meet his parents. The relationship sure escalated quickly. Just as your mind started drifting further, your doorbell rang.        “U ready?” Soobin’s signature eye smile greeted you, his front bunny teeth exposed. You’ve always noticed how soobin’s appearance resembled that of a bunny, but no matter how many times you tried to tell him, he didn’t want to believe it.        “As ready as ill ever be,” you returned the smile, grabbing your luggage and locking your front door.        Well, this was it, no turning back now. Helping you with your things, soobin lead you to his car and started the journey. It was only about a 3 hour drive and a car ride proved to be a great distraction. You hadn’t been to soobins hometown before, so being able to look out the window and see the scenery was no doubt better than sneaking glances at soobin in the drivers seat. You just knew that if you saw soobin, with one hand on the steering wheel, and the other propped on the arm rest, you might have gone into cardiac arrest.        The ride was quiet for the most part, that was until soobin pulled up at a red light. “I made a playlist,” soobin flipped his phone around to show you and connect it to his car. “It’s like, if you were my real girlfriend, this would be the playlist i would share with you.”        You couldn’t help but smile when you realised how sweet soobin would be in an actual relationship. His future girlfriend is really lucky. But you had to control yourself, reminding yourself that it’s all just pretend for the week.        “I’m sure its great. You have great taste in music,” you faked a laugh. “Um... so... soobin? How exactly are we supposed to fake this? I mean, what we supposed to do? What will your family do?”        “Oh...” he started, his eyes focusing back on the road, the lights turning green again. “To be honest, i haven’t actually thought about that part yet.” Drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he thought. “Mmm, when my brother first brought his girlfriend home, my family teased him a lot, just to make fun of him and get her reaction. But they already did that with you whenever they visited me so... I’m not sure what they’ll do, honestly.”        “Oh...” That was completely unhelpful. Pulling your knees to your chest, you continued staring blankly out the window.        “Hey, don’t worry too much okay? We’ll just wing it like we do everything else. And that’s worked out for us so far, right?” Soobin chuckled, trying to comfort you. “As for what we need to do. I guess it’ll just be all that couple stuff like holding hands and hugging. And you’re already such a cuddly person, that shouldn’t be a problem for you. We got this, alright? And I’ll be with you the entire time.”        You nod a response, “yeah, we got this.”        On the outside, you tried to seem cool and composed. On the inside however, you were a mess. Sure, you and soobin already had your fair share of cuddles when he showed up for a movie night at your place. And on the days he was too lazy to go back to his dorm, you would find him whining and groaning for you to make him breakfast the next day. But now you were expected to act that way in front of his family? That was a whole new level of stress you didn’t think about when you agreed to this.         After a while more of driving, it was a little over 10pm when soobin finally pulled up alongside the curd in front of his house. The remainder of the car ride had been relatively silent, except for the playlist that soobin had made for you, and the occasional mindless singing you would start that turned into a carpool karaoke. Getting off, soobin unloaded his and your luggage and lead you to the front door.        Probably noticing your nervous state, soobin grabbed your shaking hands. “I’m right here alright?” He smiled, “it’s show time.”        With that, he rang the doorbell. And not 15 seconds later, soobin’s sister answered the door.        “Soobin!” She greeted, pulling him into a hug, “we’ve been waiting for you and- oh! Y/n! I knew it. Same major, y/e/c eyes, y/h/c hair. If it wasn’t you, i was about to kick his ass.”        “Hah, yeah, surprise?” You said, the last part sounding more like a question than a sentence.        “Aish, this boy. The previous night on the call, he just told us he’ll be bringing his girlfriend home, gave us a description but never told us who. Left us all to wonder who she was and well,” she chuckled, putting an arm around soobin’s shoulders, “if she even existed. I’m glad it’s you, the first time we met you, i already knew you two would end up together.”        “Wait, so you all took guesses on who it was?” Soobin chimed in, shooting a glare at his sister.        “Well, yea! All of us pretty much guessed y/n. Except for mom though, she’s kept quiet about it. But i guess it was just because she didn’t want to get her hopes up.”        Looking at soobins annoyed expression, you laughed. Shrugging of his sisters arm, soobin grabbed both your luggage, pushing past his sister and pulled them into the house. “Alright, alright, just let us in already, its freezing out here.”        “It’s nice to see you again y/n,” his sister said as she held the door open for you.        “Likewise.” You smiled before stepping in.        You’d never been to soobin’s house before. Sure, you’ve seen bits and pieces of it when the two of your FaceTimed over the holidays, but never in person. In the hallway where you stood, were the stairs that you presumed lead to the bedrooms. Sporadically placed were a few house plants that looked as if they had been watered quite recently.  The walls were littered with family photos, and most noticeably, soobin’s baby pictures. You smiled looking at them, taking a mental image of the cute, little baby this giant once was.        Closing the door behind you, soobins sister spoke, “you guys wait here. I think mom and dad are in the living room. I’ll go get them.”        As you saw her silhouette disappear towards one of the entries, you felt the nerves building up again, “soobin...” you tilted you head up to look at him, your face portraying nothing but worry.        “Don’t worry okay?” Taking your hand in his, gently squeezing for reassurance.“ Just follow my lead and pretend you’re in love with me. Which should be easy since I’m your favourite person,” he joked, in attempts to lighten your mood.        ‘Pretend to be in love with him’. Okay, shouldn’t be too hard, considering the fact that you actually were in love with him and spent years pretending not to be. “Yea, alright.”        Letting go of your hand, soobin walked forward to hug his parents when he saw them approaching.        “Soobin, we were starting to wonder how long more you would take,” his mom said. “How are you? How’s everything at school?”         “Everything’s fine,” he replied. Turning to you, he held out his hand for you to take. “Mom, dad, you know y/n.”        Accepting his hand, you stepped forward to greet his parents. Just hoping that your nervous trembling wasn’t too obvious to the naked eye.        “Ah of course! How could we ever forget,” his mom smiled.        “We always knew the two of you would end up together eventually. He’s always been so obvious about you,” his dad added, causing blood to rush to your cheeks, and soobin to immediately retaliate.        “Dad! Stop it. No i have not!” You looked around at him just in time to see him cross his arms and roll his eyes, cheeks pink and eyes shining. He met your eyes and looked away, but the grin on his face never faltered.        Hitting her husbands arm, soobins mom scolded, “aish, stop teasing them, they just got here. Speaking of which, have you two eaten?”        “No we havent, actually. We came right after school,” soobin answered.        “In that case, you can take yours and y/n stuff up to your room and get settled in. I’ll order some food for you. Pizza sound okay?” his mom spun soobin around, pushing him back to where your luggage laid.        “His room?” You thought out loud. Of course they were expecting you to share a room with soobin. What else could you have possibly thought.        “Of course his room,” his mom answered, “you have known each other for such a long time. And i have no doubts there are days that soobin stayed over at your apartment instead of his dorm anyway. There’s no way I’m letting you sleep on the couch.”        With that, you and soobin grabbed your things and headed up to his room. Sure, the nights soobin stayed over you have shared a bed before. But this time, it just felt different. Even though everything was still purely platonic, the element of you being in his home, pretending to be his girlfriend, was still no doubt intimidating.        “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Soobin asked rhetorically, snapping you out of your thoughts. He laughed, clearly taking the whole situation a lot lighter than you were.        Opening the door to his room, it was exactly how you pictured it when he called you. You stood at the doorway, it seemed so familiar, yet unknown at the same time. His bed in the corner of the room with a few pillows and plushies, at the other end, his desk and wardrobe filled with clothes he left behind. His walls were mainly bare, except for one that had a few old polaroids hanging loosing from the ceiling. It felt weird being there.        “Well, don’t just stand there,” soobin grabbed your luggage from you, pulling you in to the room so he could close the door behind you and crashing down on his bed. “First, let me give you the official welcome to mi casa. My family is a lot, but you already knew that. Make yourself at home.”        “Honestly, i cant believe they bought it so easily,” you let out, taking a seat next to him.        “Told you they would. My family probably loves you more than they love me.”        You laughed halfheartedly, still feeling a bit awkward about the whole thing.        “We should clean up before we head back to the wolves den for dinner. The bathroom is right down the hall to the right. You can go first, ill clear a drawer for you,” he offered.          You nod, gathering your things for the night.        This is all just pretend.

————-————-————-————-

       The shower definitely helped calm you down a bit. You loved the warmth of the water against your skin.        “It’s just for a week. Dont get used to it,” you muttered to yourself.        Getting out, you quickly dressed yourself in a tshirt and some shorts. The normal attire you wore to sleep, anything else was always just uncomfortable for you.          “You’re turn,” you announced when you entered soobins room again.        “That was quick. Here, take one of my sweaters.”        “What for?” You shot him a look, raising brow. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t stole his hoodies before, it was just the fact that he was offering it this time.       “You’re supposed to be my girlfriend, aren’t you? Girlfriends always take their boyfriend’s clothes.”        Fishing a plain, red sweater out from his wardrobe, he threw it in your direction, hitting you directly in the face and causing you to yelp a little. “Besides, you already take all my hoodies. This is no different,” he continued, eyeing you as you pulled it over your head.        As usual, soobin’s clothes were huge on you. And this sweater was no doubt oversized, even for him. “How do i look?”        You looked to him when you didn’t get a reply. But this only caused him to turn away from you quickly, mumbling something to himself before answering, “it’s my clothes, it’ll look great on everyone.”        Scrambling to gather his things, he left for his shower. You could have swore you saw him blushing when he was looking at you. But you brushed it off as your overactive imagination. You decided to swiftly blow dry your hair before laying on his bed, scrolling through your phone while waiting for him. You were hungry, practically starving, but there was no way in hell you were going to face his family again on your own. With your new status, god knows what they would do or say.        A mere 15 minutes go by before you hear the door open again. Revealing a damp haired soobin, dressed in a white tee and sweatpants. A simple look you have seen many times over the years, but one that still made your head and thoughts hazy.        “Ready to go down?” He spoke, smirking at you, almost knowingly, “I’m starving.”        “Ye- yeah,” gathering your thoughts, bringing yourself back to reality.

————-————-————-————-

       Dinner with the family wasnt all that bad. Sure, there was the occasional teasing and questions. But that was to be expected. Any parent would have been curious, right?        You let soobin take the lead on most of those. You didn’t want your cover to get blown by having any clashing answers. Once in a while you would feel soobin grab your hand under the table when he needed your help, but for the most part, they were the basic questions like “since when?” Or “who confessed first?”. The usual relationship stuff, nothing too hard. And it was a lot easier with the fact that it was you and soobin, the two friends that have mastered the art of bullshitting your way out of situations.         At the end of the day, the awkwardness ended soon after it started. With it being past midnight, Soobin’s family had long gone to bed, leaving you two alone in the dimly lit kitchen to finish up your dinner, which had quickly became supper.        “So, how was day one of being my girlfriend?” He looked over to you, munching on another piece of pizza. Even in that horrible lighting, he still managed to take your breath away. No one could possibly look good with dull, ugly, yellow kitchen lighting, but somehow, he did. The way the soft light bounced off his skin, partnered with the reflection in his eye that gave that perfect shine to them. You were sure you looked horrid next to him.        “Mmm, it’s alright i guess,” you teased, earning a pout from soobin. “You big baby. I’m just kidding,” nudging him on the shoulder, causing you both the laugh.        You didn’t know why this question surprised you as much as it did. Maybe you wanted to flip the tables, or maybe you just weren’t expecting the answer he gave. “So how was day one of having me as your pretend girlfriend?”        He thought about it for a second before facing you and speaking. “Honestly, it’s been fun. Even though we haven’t done much. But then again, i always knew you would be great girlfriend to someone one day.”        ‘Someone’. If only you could tell him how much you wanted that someone to be him. If only you had the guts to say what’s was on your mind.        “Want to play some music?” Breaking the silence, soobin picked up his phone, quickly scrolling through his playlists before stopping on one he named ‘midnight’. “It’s just some chill songs i found that i thought would be nice to listen to at night.”        The playlist started and the first song to play was ‘what falling in love feels like’.        “Oh, i love this song,” you mindlessly stated between bites.        “Really?” Soobin replied. “I never heard you listen to classical music.”        Your eyes widened slightly when you realised what you said. You didn’t just listen to classical music. You’ve also imagined what it would be like to slow dance to it.        “I never really told anyone... but i always wanted to dance with someone to this song. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit,” you trailed off, the surface of the counter suddenly becoming more interesting. The dead of night had you confessing unspoken words.        There was another second of silence. You could feel soobin’s stare on your face. He was judging you. You were sure of it. Now you were just mentally preparing yourself for a laugh-        “Let’s dance.”        “What?” You weren’t expecting that. You shot your head up, seeing his outstretched hand.        “Let’s dance,” he repeated.        You reached for his hand, but didn’t grab it. You were hesitant. Never would you have thought you’d be slow dancing with your crush — of over 3 years, in the kitchen of his childhood home — at midnight.         He held you hand, helping you to stand before twirling you into his arms. He lead your hands around his neck and his around your waist. You fell in step, letting the rhythm control your movements. Your eyes gazing into his brown, glistening ones, a soft smile on his face. It felt like a dream. Your surroundings and any other disturbances dissolved. It was just you and him. Right here, right now. You stayed like that, dancing. Everything felt just... perfect.        “You know i’d never judge you right?” He said, his eyes watching your expressions closely. “I know that’s what you were thinking earlier.”        You looked away, unable to find the right words. Soobin always had a way to read you so easily. Every once in a while he would remind you how expressive your face was. And you were certain a blush had crept to your cheeks when you heard soobin chuckle.        “You silly girl. You can tell me anything. You know that. After all, you are my best friend.”        “Right... best friend,” you offered a small smile to mask the resignation in your words.         And just like that, the song ended. Soobin let go your waist. Leaving nothing the ghostly feeling of where his hands once were and the sensation of having his body so close to yours.        “It’s nearly 1am. We should go to bed soon,” he nodded towards the clock on the stove. “You can head up first. I’ll clean up here and join you in a bit.”        You nodded. Once you were back in his room, you crashed on his bed. Regret and agony the only things left for you to feel.        Why did you agree to this. You knew it would be hard. But not this hard.        You rolled over to your side of the bed. And true to his word, soobin entered shortly after. Climbing under the covers with you, poking your side when you paid no attention to him.        You jumped, immediately facing him. “What was that for!?”        “Nothing,” he laughed. “It’s just fun to do that to you. I have a fun day planned tomorrow, so get up early. Good night y/n.”        “Good night, asshole.” You scoffed.

.

.

.

       The next morning you woke up to a post-it on your head. You tore it off and looked around the room but soobin was nowhere to be seen. You groaned, sitting up to stretch and read the note.        ‘Wake up sleepyhead. Come to the kitchen for breakfast.’        Oh, how you wished the entire night before had been a dream. But alas, it wasn’t. Pulling yourself out of bed, you cleaned yourself up and descend the stairs. The smell of fresh pancakes engulfing the entire house.        “Good morning y/n,” soobin’s dad greeted you when you entered the kitchen. “Grab a seat. Breakfast is almost done.”        “Your dad cooks?” You whispered as you pulled out the stool next to soobin.        “Mainly breakfast. But yes,” he whispered back.        Soobin’s dad placed a plate in front of each of you. 3 pancakes a piece, and more to come. “Butter or maple syrup?”        “Both,” soobin smugly answered.        “And you y/n?”        “Ill have both as well, thanks,” you smiled before facing soobin. “Where’s your mom and sister?”        “My mom went to the store. And my sister doesn’t get up till later.” Soobin grabbed the syrup his father had just put on the table and poured a generous amount. His attention was fully on his food.        You couldn’t help but grin at his childlike manner. He always loved breakfast. Or any dish that can be both sweet and savoury actually. You both enjoyed your breakfast, watching soobin’s father flip pancakes, cheering when it landed, and messing around while cooking as your morning source of entertainment.        “The pancakes are really good, mr choi,” you complimented.        “Why, thank you y/n. You always have been such well mannered,” he said. “Hopefully some of that will rub off on my son soon.”        “Hey! I am well mannered,” soobin retorted.        “Oh, really now,” you taunted, giving him a look of disbelief.        Soobin tsked, lightly pushing you over. “Okay, whatever. Anyways, hurry up. I’m going to show you around town today.”        “You two don’t come back too late now,” his father added. “And bring a coat, it’s supposed to get colder today.”        Stuffing down the remainder of his food, soobin linked your arms and dragged you out of the kitchen the moment he saw your plate empty.        “Hey! I’m not done yet, i wanted one mo-!”        “Bye dad!” Soobin interrupted, ignoring your plea.

————-————-————-————-

       “So much being well mannered.” You mocked.        “Not my fault you wanted to eat so much,” he shrugged.        Both of you strolled along the road. You weren’t sure where soobin was bringing you, other than his aforementioned ‘town’. Despite it just being the two of you, soobin still dressed nicely, in a turtleneck and scarf with a black coat to go over it.        “Wait...” you started, noticing a passing sign. “Why does that say the town is the other way?”        “Cause i changed my mind. I’m bringing you somewhere else,” he replied, shooting you one of his, oh so charming, eye smiles. “I’ll bring you to town another day.”        “This way’s to the forest,” you raised an eyebrow. “Are you planning to kill me or something? After 6 years of friendship. This is how you want to end it?” You dramatically gripped your chest and joked. “I’m sorry for whatever i did. I can change, I swear.”        Soobin rolled his eyes and guffawed. “Of course. This has been my plan all along. To befriend you then brutally murder you among the trees where no one can find your body,” he played along. “Relax, I’m no murderer. An avid liar? Maybe. But not a murderer. I just want to show you something.”         You hummed a response and continued on your way. Not long after, soobin was leading you down a path in the deserted forest. As the path reached deeper into the woods, the trees got denser.        “Erm, soobin, where are we going?” You called from behind him. “I’m really starting to question the whole murder thing.”        You’re not going to lie when you say the woods kind of crept you out. You could have sworn you felt someone behind you. But when you turned around, there wasn’t a soul. The twigs and dead leaves making a deafening crunch under your feet as the — seemingly never-ending — journey continued.        “Just trust me,” he provided a simple answer that proved to be of no help in ensuring you.       As you continued, the sound of snapping twigs got louder. You turned the corner and the sudden sound of birds fleeing their nest startled you, causing you to jump and grab soobin’s coat from the back.         “Are you really that scared?” He laughed. “Don’t worry,” he continued, turning around and reaching for your hand. Gently running his thumb over yours the rest of the way. “We’re almost there. It’s worth it, i promise.”        Having his hand in yours definitely provided some comfort. But it was also making you feel things that you shouldn’t be feeling. After another minute of walking, you finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. The horrid crunching sound had been washed out by the sound of, well, rushing water.        A waterfall.        You gasped in astonishment at the clarity of the Caribbean-blue waterfall. It was spurting over the basalt rock, spilling eel-like over the ledges. Its clamorous passage at the foot of the mountain threw up bubbles of spray. They sparkled uneasily in the beams of light that shined through the leaves of surrounding trees.        When it toppled into the ecstasy-pool, it foamed it at the bottom. The rest of the pool was as clear as cellophane, allowing you to see down into the rocky bottom. Fronds of forest-green plants waved gently in the depths. The waterfall looked like a sheet of blue velour as it swished down. Its edges were hemmed with whipped-white lines.        “Wow,” was all you managed to utter out.        “I told you it was worth it,” soobin grinned. “Come on.” He lead you closer, collapsing on the bank and letting the nougat sweet smell of flowers wash over him.        You followed suit. “How did you find this place?”        “A friend of mine showed it to me when we were kids.” He said, leaning back against his palms. “We used to hang out all the time here. The five of us. That is, until i moved away for high school.        “I wonder what they’re up to now.” He added after a slight pause.        “You don’t see them when you come back for the holidays?” You asked.        Soobin shook his head. “I don’t get to see them much anymore. I barely leave my house, y/n, you know that. Besides, they’re all busy with their own lives.”        You listened to soobin reminisce about his childhood. You would listen to soobin talk for hours if you could. His words are were like gold to you, or perhaps some elixir you’ve been waiting all your days to hear. He had nothing but good things to say. It sounded like he had a lot of fun here, in the small town he grew up in. You both sat there for a while, gawking at the waterfall when the suddenly rustling of the bushes behind you caught your attention.        “Y/n,” soobin stood up, holding you behind him as the rustling got louder. And then a figure walked through, a boy. He was wearing a brown furry jacket. His hair was a strange shade a pink, but it complimented his skin tone nicely.        “Soobin?” The boy said, folding his arms. “No way. Is that actually you? Mr choi soobin. After all these years.”          “Yeonjun?” Soobin replied, letting go of you and walking up to yeonjun. “What are you doing here?”        “I was on my way out and thought i saw you earlier entering the forest so i decided to follow you. Who else knows this place anyway?” Yeonjun laughed, swinging an arm around soobin’s shoulder.        “So you practically followed, what could have been, a complete stranger into the forest?” Soobin shot him a look. To that, yeonjun just smiled and nodded. “You never change, do you?”        “Nope,” yeonjun answered confidently. “Anyways, are you going to introduce me to the pretty lady or do i have to do that myself?” He gestured a smile towards you.        Beside him, soobin stiffened, his jaw slightly tensing before he answered. “Right... Yeonjun, y/n. We met in high school, she’s my best friend.  Y/n, yeonjun. He was one of my friends i was telling you about-”        “Yeah, until this bastard moved, changed his number and practically became a hermit that never left his house much.” Yeonjun jibed.        “Hmm, that sounds about right. The only place I’ve seen him, other than class or the library, is at my apartment binge watching shows,” you added, causing yeonjun to burst out a laugh.        “You guys are mean.” Soobin grumbled, pushing yeonjun’s arm off him.        “I have a feeling she and i are going to be great friends.” Yeonjun said matter-of-factly.        The three of you sat there, talking for what seemed like hours. Soobin and yeonjun continued to tell you about the different adventures they had together as kids with their friends, beomgyu, kai and taehyun. They recounted all the accidents that happened, all the fun moments they had together. Yeonjun eventually proceeded to tell you about all the embarrassing soobin stories he could think of, sharing jokes and making you laugh. The entire time though, soobin barely directed any conversation at you. Let alone laugh at Yeonjun’s ‘jokes’.        As your laughter died down, yeonjun spoke again. “I have to ask though, what’s she doing doing here? Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I’m just curious. Does she live around here too?”        You looked to soobin, unsure of how or what to answer.        “It’s okay, yeonjun won’t snitch,” he said. “Y/n’s pretending to be my girlfriend for the holiday.”         It hurt you every time he said it. In your head you wished so badly for it to be real. To think, by now you would have learnt that wishing only wounds the heart. And each time soobin said it out loud, it was like a punch to the gut.        “Pretending to be your-“ yeonjun cut himself off by scoffing. “What for?”        “Well....” soobin started explaining the whole situation to yeonjun. To which the only response he got out of the other boy was mockery and disbelief.        “Are you serious?!” Yeonjun exclaimed. “So you two aren’t together?”        You shook your head.        “Oh... good....” he mumbled, grinning in the process. “You have got to be kidding me. But you guys do you, i guess. My lips are sealed.        “I hate to ruin the moment but i have to go. It was nice meeting you y/n.” He tipped an imaginary hat. “It was nice to see you again too, soobin. But let know, the next time you’re back.”        “Right, ill keep that in mind.” Soobin replied.        Just as yeonjun started to walk away, he stopped and turned around once more. “Oh! Right. How long are you guys staying? I’m meeting beomgyu, tae and kai on monday at the diner. You should come,” his eyes travelled to you, “both of you.”        “We cant-“        “We would love to!” You cut soobin off, “come on soobin, you haven’t seen your friends in ages. I would be nice to say ‘hi’ again.”         Soobin stared at you for a second. Maybe it was the excitement in your face or maybe he truly did want to see his friends again. But in the end he agreed.          “Great! Ill see you two monday at 5.” Yeonjun ended, giving a small salute before leaving, for real this time.        Soobin went back to the bay, laying down on the grass, letting out a long held sigh. He stared up at the sky that was quickly becoming darker. The stars and moon announcing their arrival.        “You alright?” You asked, sitting down next to him.        “Yeah, why wouldn’t i be?” He answered, his eyes still closed.        “I don’t know. You just seemed... off just now. Like my or yeonjun’s presence bothered you.”        “It’s nothing. Im just tired.” He sighed again, sitting up. “While on the subject, we should head back. It’s getting dark.”        He stood up and started walking without another word.        Was he mad at you? No... he had no reason to be, right? Was he mad about the joke you made with yeonjun?        You quickly caught up to him and followed him out of the forest. Other than your footsteps against the concrete road and the cicadas that came out to say their daily greetings, the awkward silence followed the rest of the way.        “I’m not annoyed at you, if that’s what you’re thinking,” soobin broke the silence. The entire walk you had your focus on the ground, not noticing the stolen glances soobin took. “Stop sulking. People are going to think i kicked your puppy or something.” He chuckled, bending his waist slight to look at your face.        His face was mere inches away from yours. Memories from the previous night came flooding back. You didn’t offer a response, not trusting the words that would escape your lips in that moment. Instead just turning your face to the other side to avoid his stare. Soobin let out a light hearted laugh and continued walking.          You recalled how soobin always said you had an expressive face. He must have seen something you didn’t realise.        The sky got darker as you continued down the road. The cool winter breeze greeting the concrete and skin just the same, causing you to shiver and wrap your arms around yourself. Mentally cursing the fact that, other than your khaki coat, you didn’t think to wear more layers that morning.        Of course, this didn’t go unnoticed. “Are you cold?” Soobin asked, already shedding off his cherry red, wool scarf.        “No, it’s alright, you’ll get cold,” grabbing his hands to stop his actions.        “I’ll be fine. And we’re only about 5 minutes away,” he argued, wrapping his scarf around your neck. He took your hand, pulling you behind him the rest of the way quickly before you ‘caught a cold’.        The scarf sat snug to your skin, soft and gentle, the ends becoming a colourful flag in the wintry winds. It was still warm from where it sat before. You could smell of his cologne on it. Faint, from the day’s activities. But still prominent enough to know it’s existence.        Your hands trembled in his and you thanked the cold for that excuse. Burying your face deeper into his scarf before he could make out the slight blush that painted your cheeks.        When you reached soobin’s home again, there was a faint chattering echoing through house.        “Oh, i think my older sister’s came for a visit.”        Soobin’s older sister. The one that’s the account, married, with the baby — soobin’s nephew — and the lovely husband. You’ve only ever met them once, well that, and the occasional pictures soobin would send you of him and his nephew. Seeing soobin with babies did things to your heart thats you didn’t like. You’ve already imagined the unlikely scenario of what it would be like to have soobin as your boyfriend. You can’t go fantasising an entire family as well. But you had to admit, he would make a great dad one day.        “Soobin!” His older sister ran and hugged him. He’s always had such a close bond with his siblings. “Mom and dad told me you brought your girlfriend home this time.” She wiggled her eyebrows.        “Hey sis. And yeah, y/n. You know her,” soobin turned to you.        “Of course. The last time i saw you two I knew you’d end up together.” She cheered as if she had just won the lottery.        So, from what you’ve gathered, soobin’s entire family had always had some hopes on the two of two. You wanted to smile at that fact. But at same time, you were lying to them right now. It was a bittersweet feeling.        The remainder of the night went on rather unproductive. You had dinner with his family, chatted with them, played with the baby and that was about it. The worst part came when the family decided to watch a movie together. The movie was great, dont get me wrong. You all sat together and watched kingsman again. Even though it was the tenth time you’ve seen it, it was still yours and Soobin’s favourite.        The bad part came when you had to find a seat. The family couch say four, soobin’s mom, dad and sisters. The older’s husband took one of the arm chairs, leaving you and soobin to share the other. In other words, you ended up having to sit on his lap.        “I can just sit on the floor, its no problem,” you suggested.        “Nonsense. I won’t let you sit on the floor,” soobin rebutted, holding your waist, pulling you back onto his lap.        You swear, if it wasn’t for the dimness of the room, the redness of your face would have matched that of the fire place. Throughout the movie you found it extremely hard to pay attention. Soobin had left one of his hands to rest on your knee and the other around your back. Sure, he was probably just putting on a show for his family. But he didn’t have to do the thumb thing as well. Or gently whisper in your ear, so close that you could feel his breath against your neck.          The rest of the time you couldn’t help but fidget in your seat — which just so happened to be soobin’s lap. As interesting as the fight scene on screen was or the dramatic music playing, the only thing you could focus on was the fact that soobin’s hand had now traveled to your thigh.        And underneath you, soobin’s breathing was becoming short and uneven. He was starting to stir as well before getting up, forcing you to stand and murmuring, “I’m going to head to bed early. You guys enjoy the rest of the movie.”        Within the next beat of the soundtrack, he was dashing out of the living room and running up the stairs.        What...?        You weren’t the only one wondering that. Soobin’s family were now staring at you, his mothers brows furrowed, his sister’s head tilted quizzically. “He said he’s tired,” you blurted, face-palming in your head.        Great. You already felt out of place and this certainly wasn’t helping. You sat down on the, now vacant, chair and continued the rest of the movie with his family.        I’m sure he’s fine. You can always ask him tomorrow.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

       You woke up to an empty bed again. But this time there was no post it note or anything from soobin. So you assumed he’d be in the kitchen like before.        “Morning y/n,” it was his older sister this time.        “Morning.” You looked around. No sight of soobin. “Where’s soobin?”        “Oh he didn’t tell you? He went out for a walk around 20 minutes ago.”        Why didn’t he wait for you?        “Yeah, he didn’t. Did he say where he was going or when he’ll be back?” You asked.        To that, she just shook her head.        Oh...

       “I almost forgot,” she continued. “There was a note for you. I left it on the counter for you.”

       You picked it up, hoping to see Soobin’s name as the regards, telling you his whereabouts. Instead, the note was fairly short.

Hey y/n!

Once again i just wanted to welcome you to town. It was really nice meeting you yesterday! Maybe we could hang out some time?

(Hopefully) Your friend,

Yeonjun

       Did Soobin see it? Either way, why does it matter.        After breakfast, you decided to wait for soobin to come home. If he didn’t tell where he was going, it means he cant be gone long, right? You sat in his room, figuring it would be the only place you didnt have to face his family members.        It was only about an hour and a half of waiting and a lunch break, that you got bored. You could only scroll your phone so much before it started to get more redundant than it already was. So, checking the weather report, you got dressed and left for a walk around. You hadn’t seen much of the area yet, it wouldn’t be harmful to do some exploring. Learning your lesson from yesterday, you put on a wool sweater underneath your coat. A pair of dr marten to match.         It was a rather fine day out. You walked under the sun that warmed your skin, but the cool winds keeping the temperature cool enough. The only thing that would make this better would be if soobin were with you...        “Y/n!” You heard a familiar voice call from behind you.        You turned around and saw a familiar lock of pink hair running towards you, frantically waving his arms. He was wearing a leather jacket today. Behind him was someone else that chased after him. He had nicely styled, bleached blonde hair and was slightly short than yeonjun was.        “Oh, hi.” You greeted the two of them. “Fancy running into you again.”        “I know, right!” He agreed, a bit more enthusiastically than what you would imagine. “Why are you alone? Where’s soobin?”        “No clue. He just took off this morning. Didn’t tell me anything and i got bored of sitting around alone.”        “Maybe the pressure of a relationship getting to him,” yeonjun suggested.        “It’s fake though,” you mocked.        He just shrugged. “Doesn’t make it any less of a commitment.”        You hummed a reply. “Fair enough.”        “Anyway. If you have nothing better to do... taehyun and i,” he said, gesturing towards to boy beside him, “were just headed to the arcade in town. Care to join us?”        “Sure, I don’t see why not.”        You followed as yeonjun and taehyun lead you through the town soobin said he would bring you to. Every corner they turned, they greeted someone new. From little kids to elderly ladies and gentlemen. Small town, i guess everyone knew everyone.        Eventually, they stopped in front of a building, the arcade. The pings from the pinball machines, the bullets from the shooting games, and the ‘jackpot’ announcements, all a dead give away. From the outside, the building looked old and rundown. The paint was old and cracking as if it hadn’t been repainted in years. Even the neon signs provided to the retro aesthetic, casting a purple-red hue over everything.        You stood there, taking in the atmosphere for a second. It sure was different from any arcade you had back in the city. You glanced around, when a figure at one of the pinball machines caught your eye.        “Soobin?” You spoke out loud.        Confused, yeonjun and taehyun followed your gaze to said figure.        “What in the?” You walked up to him. the further into the arcade you went, the louder everything got. Tapping him on the shoulder, you just about had to yell to have any sort of conversation.        “Y/n?” He asked, looking at you with the same expression as culprit that had just been caught red-handed.        You scoffed playfully, crossing your arms. “So you ditched me to come play games alone?”        “Um, kind of? Not really though,” he said. His eyes darting towards the two boys that to came up behind you. “You came with taehyun and... Yeonjun?”        “Hey soob, long time no see,” taehyun added.        “I went out for a walk and ran into them,” a quick and easy reason. “You could have just told me if you wanted to come to town alone, you know? You don’t have to sneak off at the crack of dawn.”        “Nice to see you too tae. And I do want to show you around the town. It’s just,” his eyes travelled between you and yeonjun, back to you in a blink. “I just needed a break from things for a while.”        “Hm, alright,” you accepted his explanation, but something still felt weird.        “Since we’re already here, there’s no use standing around.” Yeonjun spoke. “Y/n, come play the shooting game with me!”        Before you could reply, yeonjun was already dragging you towards one of the machines. Leaving taehyun and soobin to do whatever it was they did. He handed you one of the guns available and scanned his arcade card. The entire time you could feel eyes watching you, but shook it off.        Yeonjun was pretty good at the game, you had to admit. He spent a lot of time here, you assumed. Time seemed to disappear the longer you were in the arcade. The atmosphere around you never changed. It was still as lively and colourful as when you first walked in. The bright lights and loud music blasting, disrupting your senses. But outside, the sun was quickly setting.        “Good game, y/n,” taehyun offered a handshake after you beat him at yet another game of air hockey.        You took it. “Not too shabby yourself.”        Beside you, yeonjun and soobin clapped for your victory.        “We should probably go back soon,” Soobin said, showing the clock on his phone. It was nearly 8pm. Time sure flies when you’re having fun.        You all travelled back together. Turns out yeonjun and taehyun only lived a street away from soobin.        “See you tomorrow,” taehyun and yeonjun waved goodbye as you parted ways, leaving you and soobin to go your way.        Neither of you said a thing to each other. And for reason you were having trouble thinking of a conversation starter, this hasn’t happened before. Usually you and soobin had endless things to talk about. It didn’t matter how stupid or unimaginable it was, the two of you never ran out of things to say.        “When you were a kid, did you ever pretend you were smoking in winter?” You said the first thing that came to mind, the cold air making your breath visible, helping to elaborate your question. You laughed at yourself, holding your fingers up in a peace sign, imagining a cigarette between them.        “Yeah, when i was like 7.”        Okay, ouch.        Soobin’s answer was short, providing no further conversation. You pressed your lips together, stuffing your hands in your pockets as embarrassment crept up on you. So much for never feeling judged.        The rest of the night you didn’t speak much. Every attempt you made just being shot down with one liners. Every time you showed soobin a funny video or meme, he gave little to no response. And eventually you gave up.        This continued to the following day. Sure, soobin was an introvert. You knew that. But he’s never ignored you to this extent. Was he getting sick of having you around everyday? If that was the case, he should just tell you, you’d give him all the space he needs.        You can’t lie and say you weren’t hurt by that thought. Your crush was ignoring you. That would have hurt anyone. And right now, you felt nothing more than a parasite in his home.        “Come on, we have to go meet the others,” the first words he’s said to you in hours.

      You followed quietly as soobin brought you to the diner. When you arrived, the others were already there. Yeonjun and taehyun, along with two new faces. Beomgyu and Huening Kai, you figured from previous conversations.        They sat at a semi-circle booth meant for four with two extra chairs at the end. One of which occupied by taehyun as the other three shared the banquette bench.         “Soobin! Y/n!” They waved.         Yeonjun sat at one of the ends and shifted when he spotted you enter. “Y/n, i saved you a seat next to me,” he said smugly, smirking and cocking his head to the space beside him.        You rolled your eyes at his antics, lips curling upwards. Soobin’s expression remained hard, unbothered and unimpressed even. But you didn’t question it, he’s been like that since yesterday. And frankly, you’ve gotten sick of it. Might as well spend time with someone that actually wants your attention.        You got along well with the boys. You learnt that Kai and taehyun went to the same school and beomgyu had just graduated recently. Most of the time though, was spent whispering jokes between yeonjun and yourself. And at some point of the night, he had managed to sneak an around the back of the booth. On the other side, Beomgyu and Kai snickered to each other and eventually shook hands, some bet or deal you presumed.        All of a sudden you heard one of the chairs beside you shift. The feet scratching against the tiled floor. And the next thing you knew, soobin was walking out the door, the bell ringing behind him.        “Where’s he going?” Kai asked.        “No clue,” Beomgyu answered. Taehyun just shrugged. All your attentions still on the door that had already been shut.        “Um, ill go check on him,” you announced, running out of the diner after him. Sure, you and him weren’t on good terms at the moment, but nontheless he was still your best friend, and a huge part of you still cared for him.         “Soobin, wait!” You called, but he kept walking.        “Soobin!” You tried again, chasing after him.        “Stop right there choi soobin!” You yelled, your voice echoing through the empty street. The boys silhouette stood still. But never did he turn to look at you. “Dont you dare take another step!”        Never once in five years have you ever felt intimidated by him. But with his large figure being illuminated by nothing but the dull, yellow street lights, you couldn’t say that anymore. There was silence as you gathered your thoughts, making your way towards him. You had him right in front of you. Now what? You wanted soobin back. Your soobin.        “What’s going on with you?” Your feet stopped on their own accord, right behind the tall boy. “You’ve been acting strange.”        No answer.        “Soobin, don’t ignore me!” You said again, desperation and annoyance laced in your tone.        “I don’t know what you want me to say y/n,” he sighed, trying to keep his temper from exploding.        “I want a damn explanation, soobin,” anger from the previous day slowly consuming you. “Do you know how much of an asshole you’re being? God! I try to talk to you, but it’s just like i’m talking to a god damn wall! So, you can either tell me what’s going on or I’m on the next bus home tomorrow.”        No answer. But you could tell the last part hit him hard. He couldn’t look at you. If he did, he was sure you would see the remorse and anger in his eyes. He hated that you were mad. He hated that you were yelling. But most of all he hated that he was the cause of it.       “You asked me to come play girlfriend with you and i did,” you sighed, continuing when he started walking again. “I only did because,” swallowed the lump in your throat, “you’re... you’re my best friend.”        Best friend.        “I’m your best friend... you can me anything, you know that.” You quoted his words.        “There’s some things better left unsaid,” he offered before walking away again. “I’m sorry y/n.”        “No!” You cried, stopping his tracks. “Apology not accepted.”        You could see frustration building in soobin. His hand pinching his temple, his shoulders tensed as you spoke. “You said you’d be by my side the whole time! But since the waterfall you’ve barely talked to me! You leave me in situations on my own, you’re ignoring me and you randomly take off without a word. You’re doing it right now! So, again, you can either tell me what’s going on or-“        “It’s because i love you, okay!?”        Now it was your turn to stay silent.        Soobin let out a sigh, turning to face you. “Is that what you want to hear?! I love you, y/n!” His tone got softer, “I love you so much. For as long as i can remember knowing you. It hurts when I see you with other people. Especially people that so blatantly flirt with you in front of me. You’re stunning, beautiful. Even a fool could see it. But you’re also so much more than that.        “You were the only person that bothered to come talk to me the first day of school. Others probably viewed me as the weird, loser kid that sat alone during lunch. But you didn’t. You were my first and only friend for years. Before i knew it, i had a crush on you. At first, i thought it was just a phase. But it wasn’t, y/n. And now, im so hopelessly head over heels for you.        “I know, I haven’t earned your heart. I never will. I could spend a million years worshiping you and still not earn it. You’re my best friend, i know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I know you’re mad at me. And i know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. But please... please, don’t leave me.”        He sounded raw, real in a way you’ve never heard before. When he was done, he was closely inspecting the road, afraid to look up. Chewing on his bottom lip nervously, waiting for your rejection.        “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” You asked, keeping emotion from your voice.        He shrugged and laughed. “You’re my best friend, I didn’t want to lose you.”        You let one hand slide against his cheek, resting your palm there. “You wouldn’t have.”        “Wha-“        “I love you too, you doofus.”        You felt the pull of a muscle as his lips twitched. “Really?”        “Yes. Really. For as long as i can remember.”        Soobin, your best friend — now, boyfriend — pulled you into his arms. “I love you, y/f/n. And I’m so sorry for the way I’ve been. What can i say to make you forgive me?”        “Words only mean so much. Actions speak louder, don’t you agree?”        “I do.”        He lowered his head and brushed his lips against yours.        “Am i forgiven?” He asked rhetorically.        You laugh. “Only because i love you.”        “Yes! I told you so!” You turned and saw Kai yelling and celebrating, pointing fingers at beomgyu. Taehyun and yeonjun shaking their heads in disappointment.        What a crazy group of friends they were.

.

.

.

[suite43]

(summary: starscream and bumblebee have an argument, and turn to trusted friends for some advice. or: several long and winding paragraphs about love, redemption, and what we are worth. alcohol warning.)

"Be honest with yourself," Starscream sneered. "If we hadn't been forced together, do you really think you'd give a scrap about me?"

"Why does it matter?" Bumblebee shot back.

"Because, Bumblebee, you're wrong. You think you care, you think you're in love with me, but you're not. You were forced to be around someone you hated and you had to find some way to be okay with it because you're a good little autobot and you overcompensated. You're a victim of proximity. We both are. But y'know what? You're free now, so go ahead and run along back to your life and your friends and people you actually give a shit about beyond finding the moral high ground and leave me alone."

"Unbelievable," Bumblebee muttered. "You're unbelievable! Do you know how to do anything except wallow in denial? What is your fucking problem?"

"My problem at the moment is that someone was deluded enough to think he could squeeze millions of years of monstrosity out of me by telling me he loved me."

"Primus, Starscream, if you're not interested just say so! If you're angry, if you're scared, fucking say it! But you don't ever get to tell me how I feel!" Bee was screaming up at Starscream, pain and frustration radiating from him. "I don't know where I'd be if things were different and I. Don't. Care. I like my life, Starscream. Despite everything, I'm happy with it and I'm glad you're in it! Apparently you aren't, and if that's true you can leave! You've always been free to go whenever you fucking feel like it! But you haven't! So pardon me for assuming you had something going on in that thick fucking head of yours!"

"Oh, please-"

"No! Shut up! I'm not done and for once you are going to listen to what I have to say! You try so hard to convince everyone that you've got some black heart, that all you are is violence and malice, and I know  that's not true! Whether you want to believe it or not I've seen what you're capable of! I know you, you let me know you, and I decided that I fucking love you and I'm willing to keep loving you even when you're a cruel, stubborn bastard. If you really want to leave, leave! Go! But don't run because you're afraid, or because you think I don't know what I'm getting into."

Starscream didn't say anything, just stewing. Bee tried to collect himself, mentally urging Starscream to just fucking say something.

"You don't know me."

"For fucks sake, Starscream," Bumblebee sighed and decided fuck it and gave into his impulse, pulling Starscream by his collar down into a kiss. He was frustrated and Starscream was caught off-guard, so it was messy and clumsy and awkward, but after a beat Starscream grabbed his helmet and pulled him into it harder and Bee nearly forgot he was ever angry in the first place.

It felt like a million years had passed when they finally pulled apart and Bee let his heels fall back into the ground. Starscream stared down at him, face unreadable.

"Sorry," Bee said, barely even whispering, hands settled on Starscream's chest. "I just. How do I prove to you that I mean it?"

"You can't," Starscream responded, pulling away from Bumblebee's touch. Bee just watched him go.

He sighed. Starscream would be back when he was ready. Or he wouldn't. Either way, Bee would be here.

///

"Are... Are you okay, Starscream?" Thundercracker asked, peeking out the door to the balcony.

"I'm fine."

"Um... Why are you on my roof?"

Starscream was sitting cross-legged on the roof of Thundercracker's apartment, staring off into the distance, one hand held over his mouth in thought, fingers idly tracing his lips as he couldn't drag his mind away from flittering fancies of Bumblebee and kisses and love. Thinking about dozens of late-night conversations and well-meaning gifts of cheap high grade and the way he laughs and the way he looks beautiful even when he's angry and- hm.

"You know about things, don't you, Thundercracker?"

"Most people generally agree the answer to that question is 'no', but. Maybe? What kind of things?"

"What does it feel like to be in love?"

"Oh. That kind of thing. Uh," Thundercracker climbed onto the roof awkwardly, pulling himself up next to Starscream, legs kicking where they dangled off the edge. "You know I don't really mess with all of that, right? Dating and stuff. I don't do it."

"But you know things," Starscream said. "You're better with feelings then anyone else I know."

"Not true," Thundercracker said. "You know Bumblebee!"

"That's exactly the problem, Thunders."

"Oh. Oh." Starscream could almost hear the gears turning in Thundercrackers head as he connected the dots. "Are you in love with Bumblebee?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. If I knew I would know what to do about it and I wouldn't be here asking you for romantic advice now would I?"

"I suppose."

"So then how am I supposed to know?"

"If you're in love?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I've never been in love. I don't know. But, in the movies, it's like... Usually two people kind of get stuck together in some kind of situation, y'know, they meet and they don't really like each other much at first. But then you think about them all the time. And then you keep running into them, and even when you think they're annoying, something about them is still kind of endearing. They make you happy. And then there's some big fight or misunderstanding or somebody gets scared or has to leave and it looks like nothings going to work out, but eventually they decide that they like being around each other enough that it's worth working out whatever they fought about or giving up whatever's keeping them apart, and then, happily ever after, I guess."

"Just like that, huh?"

"Only in the movies. There's no end credits in real life."

"So what happens next, then?"

"I guess just what happens with every other kind of relationship. You keep being happy and working and then fighting and deciding its worth trying again over and over until you give up or somebody dies."

"Unfortunately I don't think death is a viable reprieve for my situation."

"Oh yeah, I guess not. Sorry."

"No, it's okay. He's easier to tolerate when one of us is dead."

"I guess the question, then, should be, is he worth it to you? Are you going to get off the plane to Santa Fe or New York or Chicago and run back to him, or are you gonna go be a well-respected but no-fun businesswoman in the big city forever?"

"What?"

"Sorry, I think I got lost in the metaphor," Thundercracker laughed, a big, booming thing, clumsy and well-meaning and earnest, just like the mech it came from. "Something in there was probably good advice, though. You should ask me things more often."

"I really should," Starscream sighed, leaning over and laying his head in his trinemates lap. Thundercracker didn't stop him, and let one hand fall to rest on Starscream's midsection, just to say I'm here when you need me so Starscream can reply I know, Thank you, I'm sorry by taking that hand in his and squeezing it lightly. They watched the stars twinkle across the horizon as lazy clouds sauntered by, and Starscream started to wonder about what he was worth.

///

Bumblebee trudged into Maccadam's, his normal sunshine dampened by how just miserable and unfair everything seemed. He took his usual spot at the bar and ordered a drink, half as strong as usual so he'd have to spend twice as much money if he wanted to do something stupid, letting his thoughts brew around as he sipped.

"Hey, bigshot! How did it go?" Wheeljack slung his arm around Bee's shoulder, energetic as ever, but Bee just groaned and slammed his head into the bar.

"Terribly."

"Weelllll," Bee could practically feel Wheeljack trying not to say 'I told you so'.

"He's just. Agh!" Bee said. "He was just himself, y'know, determined to be as difficult as possible and allergic to his own happiness. And I yelled at him, which I probably shouldn't have done, and then I kissed him, which I definetly shouldn't have done, and now he's probably never going to even look at me again."

"Well, y'know what they say, fortune favours the bold and all that!" When Bee gave Wheeljack a skeptical, dont-try-to-make-me-feel-better kind of look, Wheeljack just doubled down, squeezing his shoulders. "Seriously, you shot your shot! That's all you can do, and if he didn't want you that's his loss!"

"He was scared, Wheeljack. I know him, I know that that's his fucked up defense mechanism or whatever and I knew he was gonna try to drive me away. Why did I let him drag me into that?"

"Because you care, Bee. You care a lot. You aren't the kind of person who can see somebody struggling and just leave them to it. You're like, literally incapable of not lending a hand. Especially when you love somebody."

"So then why the hell did I have to fall for the hardest to love cybertronian there is?"

"Oh, I'm sure there's been worse.I mean, Nova-"

"Not really the point."

"Oh. Because you have horrible taste?"

"That's more like it," Bee grinned. "Cheers?"

"To shit taste!" Wheeljack agreed, clinking their drinks together.

"Absolutely."

They left the bar a bit later, neither of them really drunk so much as in the zone, as Wheeljack liked to put it. It was right before you got too drunk to really do anything sensible but drunk enough that you didn't overthink things, and it was just the right level of alcohol consumption to go for a walk and talk about life.

"So, what're you gonna do then?" Wheeljack asked after the conversation had trailed off.

"About what?"

"Starscream. Y'know, I don't think he's very good for you."

"I dunno," Bee shrugged. "And i know. I know nobody thinks he's a good person but he tries, Wheeljack. He really does! He just, he's scared. All the time, I think, of everything. He doesn't trust me, or you, or anyone at all, and I hate it. I hate that he feels like he can't trust me, even after all the stuff we've been through. It makes me mad! Not even mad at him, just mad at- at- I dunno, at the universe, at the war, at Megatron, at every shitty thing that ever happened that made him feel like he needs to be afraid all the time. I want him to be safe. I want to make him feel safe. But I dunno how and he won't tell me, and how can I tell him my stuff if he won't tell me any of his, and if we never tell each other anything then it's not all that much of a relationship."

"I mean, what do you even want from someone like that? He's not got a lot to offer. I mean, he's kinda hot if you squint, I guess, but other than that?"

"I think 'kinda hot' is the understatement of the century, Wheeljack. But... I dunno, I just. Want something. I want him to be able to tell me he cares about me. I know he does. But I want him to say it. I want it to be real."

"Why? You're a good person, Bee, it's not like you don't have options."

"Because I'm happy when he's around. I feel more like myself. I feel like my life is better when he's in it. For better or for worse, he's got a perspective nobody else does, and he always comes up with things I'd never even think of. He's smart and observant and funny just as much as he's a wise-ass and a smug bastard. For every inch of him that's irritating there's another bit that's incredible. And a lot of that incredible feels like our little secret, like he only lets me see those parts of him, and I like that too. And, I dunno, I get to be angry and there's nothing wrong with it. He's never mad that I'm mad, he never tells me that getting pissed is a waste of time or energy, he just lets me be. He argues, but he doesn't try to stop me or make me be polite and friendly because he doesn't need or want me to coddle him. I like the idea of taking care of him because it's less actually taking care and more just. being there, and letting him do the rest. I share my input and he gives his, and eventually he comes to the answer on his own and I get to see him being better. He gets better because he wants to, not because I'm forcing him to."

"I guess I just don't get how Starscream becomes a better person without you dragging him into it."

"People are fundementally good, Wheeljack. Don't look at me like that! It's true! Everyone wants to be loved, and really we all want to do good so we feel worthy of being loved, but it's about opportunity. When your needs aren't met, it gets harder and harder to do good. When everyone around you treats you with cruelty, it gets harder. When everyone believes you're a monster, why even bother trying to prove them wrong? All it takes is one opportunity, one chance to do the right thing, one person to say I know you know what's right for someone to take a step in the right direction. I didn't do anything to him, I just. I tell him what I know, which is that he doesn't enjoy who he became any more than the rest of us, and I give him space to know that even when it's scary and even when he loses everything, I'm on his side. Even the worst of us can improve given the chance. I really do believe that. I mean, you were at Megatron's trial. He opened the matrix. If that guy, given the opportunity, decided to turn himself around, why can't Star?"

"Did you kiss him and then yell at him or yell at him and then kiss him?"

"What?"

"Earlier, when you said you guys fought. Was it all like 'oh im in love with you' and then you kissed and then you fought afterwards? or was it like 'oh we're fighting by the way I love you' and then you kissed?"

"Uh, neither. I told him I was in love with him and he told me I wasn't and that made me really really angry, and I'm not even sure why honestly. And then I kissed him, to uh, prove I meant it, I guess? Not my best idea."

"Maybe you're just tired of being told what to do."

"I think I just don't like other people telling me what I am. I know what I am. I'm Bumblebee!" He took a deep breath and started yelling. "I'M BUMBLEBEE! I'M ALIVE AND I'M IN LOVE! AND I KNOW WHO I AM!"

"HELL YEAH!" Wheeljack threw his arms up, just enjoying the act of making noise as they wandered back to Bee's apartment, and eventually the two of them devolved into pointless hollering and whooping, until someone somewhere through a little chunk of metal and bonked Bee right in the back of the head with a SHUT THE FUCK UP! and the two of them just started laughing, both trying to shoosh the other as they eventually made it into Bee's apartment and Wheeljack settled on the couch, barely sparing a muffled g'night buddy before passing out, leaving Bee alone to stare out the window and think about what he wanted.

///

Bee rolled out of bed the next morning to the sound of a knock at the door, rubbing at his eyes, wincing at the too-bright sunlight. He wandered past where Wheeljack was snoring on the couch, muttering a yeah, yeah, I'm coming, to the door as the knock came again, less sure of itself this time.

He wasn't really sure who he expected to be at the door. But it both was and wasn't a surprise to see Starscream standing there.

"Bumblebee." He said plainly.

"Uh, good morning," Bee responded. "What's, uh, what's up?" Ah, that felt like the lamest possible thing he could've said. Nice one, Bumblebee.

"I... I want to apologize."

"You... what?"

"I'm sorry," he muttered, hands clasped in front of him, not meeting Bee's eyes. "I. For everything. I'm sorry I'm impossible. I'm sorry I'm cruel. I'm sorry I'm petty. I'm sorry for my ego and my selfishness and for how I only drink the most expensive wines, even when you buy me the cheaper ones. I'm sorry because I know that none of this is going to go away and I'm going to have to keep apologizing over and over and it's going to get old. I'm sorry for doing every possible thing I can to drive you away and I'm sorry you're not stupid enough to fall for it because your life would be a hell of a lot easier if you would. This isn't easy. And I could stand here and apologize for hours and I still wouldn't hit everything, but, but. You're... I'm missing my train for you, okay?"

"Uh. You lost me on that last bit."

"Thundercracker's advice only comes through rom-coms, so, sorry for that too, I guess."

"It's okay. Uh. Thank you for apologizing. And I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that I'm stubborn, I'm sorry for yelling, I'm sorry that I'm touchy and pushy and too much in all the ways you aren't. I'm sorry I always have to feel like I'm winning, I'm sorry about all my moral grandstanding, I'm sorry for all the ways I make you feel like a bad person. I'm sorry for the days that I don't have the patience, and I'm sorry for the days I have too much and it makes you mad, and I'm sorry I thought I could make you love me in the way I wanted just by pulling hard enough."

"It's okay. It's... It's okay."

"Are we... are we okay?"

"Yeah. I think so. For now. And if we aren't later, then I think we can figure it out." Starscream let his hands seperate, and Bee reached out to take them in his own, intertwining their fingers.

"Okay."

"Only if you want to. I know I'm not easy."

"Neither of us are easy. But that's okay. I meant what I said. I know what I'm getting into. If you think we can figure it out, I'd like to try, at least."

"I think I can do that. I can try."

"You wanna start by kissing me properly?" Starscream's face flushed bright pink.

"That sounds as good a place to start as any."

[whattheflameo]

Lin healing the bonds with her family hc?

Ohhhhhhhhhh anon you have opened up a WHOLE can of worms I have extremely strong feelings on this topic and most of them can be summed up with Lin Beifong is the Epitome of the older sibling parent trope. RANT INCOMING

Lin choosing to forgive Suyin has almost nothing to do with Suyin’s “apology” (or lack thereof). It occurs solely because Lin actively decides to be the better person in their relationship. She decides that having her sister and her niblings in her life is worth more to her than her grudge and her hurt. Which is saying something, because damn can Lin hold a grudge.

Su isn’t going to apologize; its not in her nature at all. She genuinely doesn’t recognize the need for apologies in anything. She doesn’t give them and never expects them from others. Lin knows this and decides to move on anyway.

Su did write Lin a letter asking her to come talk. Actually, she wrote several. Lin never opened a single one, determined to keep herself from getting hurt again. Its easier, especially when Su isn’t in front of her, to convince herself she doesn’t care.

Despite everything, Lin still hopes the best of her sister. Finding out that she changed her ways after being sent away, stopped with the petty crime and actually made something of herself, built an entire city and raised a pretty great family, comes with a level of relief- even if it wasn’t her to help Su see the error of her ways, at least Su was able to do so.

Lin doesn’t trust Su as far as she could throw her, especially after Su lies to her face to send Korra after Aiwei. She doesn’t trust Su to choose her to save over literally anyone else, and to be honest she has the older sibling complex that she just doesn’t have as much faith in Su’s bending skills as her own. That’s why her “I love you,” before drawing P’li’s fire sounds so much like a goodbye.

Speaking of differences in skill level, that fight between Lin and Su? Buckle your seatbelts motherfuckers I have THOUGHTS. Yes, its one of the most badass fights in the entire series, imo, but I’m gonna be real here. Su was winning. She had Lin on the defensive almost the whole time. But Lin was also at about 40% health- run down, emotionally strained, off-kilter from acupuncture treatment (which I agree with @dont-blame-it-on-the-kids was DEFINITELY not in Lin’s best interest that doctor was 100% paid off by the red lotus), and Su is taking advantage of it. If Lin had been at 100%, even like 60%, she would have WIPED THE FLOOR with Su and Su’s dancy-ass bending style. But she still held her own, even though she was literally breaths from passing the fuck out. Did you SEE some of those hits? There’s one in particular where Su hits her in the gut with a rock mid-air that physically couldn’t not have broken several of her ribs. Su’s behavior in this fight absolutely incenses me like how dare she fucking do that I JUST

All this being said I do really love Su as a character I promise.

Su’s base character hasn’t changed, but after going through the Red Lotus and Kuvira together, Lin does recognize that she’s changed in some important ways. She’s still self-oriented, but she’s not the selfish, bratty teen she was when she scarred Lin for life.

Likewise, after seeing the permanence of Lin’s scars and spending more time with her sister, Su realizes that she’s really hurt Lin. She sees how terrible she’s been to this woman who is willing to give her own life to protect everyone around her, Su especially, and actively tries to make up for it. Like I said, she doesn’t apologize with words, but tries to prove to Lin through her actions that she is going to be there for her. And the fact that Lin’s arm flickers toward her weapons whenever Su loses her temper? Su is so disgusted with herself over it that she nearly throws up the first time she thinks about it.

They’re not best friends, but they do become close. Both of their personalities mellow out with age, and they’re more understanding of each other. Su becomes someone Lin is able to talk to about some personal things, if not the extremely deep stuff. They have wine nights and Su sometimes sleeps over if she gets too tipsy. They both act a lot younger with each other, and Su is one of the only people who can snuggle up to Lin and get away with it.

Unless one of them is actively concealing their emotions (its usually Lin), they can read each other like an open book.

Lin remembers all of Su’s favorite foods and colors and activities and songs from childhood. Su realizes that she hardly remembers any of Lin’s and has a guilty meltdown to Bataar over it. He suggests that she pay really close attention to remember them now, and Su makes it her personal mission. 

Despite having confronted her feelings of abandonment by Toph ages ago, Su can see that Lin not only feels abandoned but also feels like she’s the one who let their mother down, that the break in their relationship is her fault, not Su’s or Toph’s. She knows how glad she was to have Toph back in her life, even if inconsistently, and sees how much Lin wants their mother’s approval and marches into the swamp (and that’s saying something for Su, who isn’t exactly fond of gross swampy things) and drags Toph out to force her to some of Lin’s award ceremonies or other events, including her wedding to Kya. Lin doesn’t know it was Su’s doing.

“Mother Lin may have said she doesn’t hate you but she deserves more from you and spirits help me you are going to say the words “I am so proud of you” to her or I WILL tell Wing and Wei where to find you-”

Basically, Su’s main apology to Lin for all the years of pain and hurt she’s caused is to kick Toph’s ass into repairing at least some of their relationship. Its the most truly selfless thing she’s done in possibly her entire life, because she never tells Lin.

To be clear: NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF LIN HAD NOT ACTIVELY CHOSEN TO SET ASIDE HER PRIDE AND HURT AND FORGIVE HER SISTER. LIN WAS THE CATALYST- SU WOULD NOT HAVE PUT IN WORK TO EARN HER FORGIVENESS IF LIN HADN’T GIVEN IT TO START WITH. Su’s behavior in Zaofu was utter bullshit, it was not worthy of Lin’s forgiveness. She literally showed up and immediately drove a wedge between Lin and some of the most important people in her life, said horribly mean things to Lin, and used Lin’s illness as an advantage to beat the shit out of her. But Lin, strong, selfless, badass, incredible Lin who is so much more empathetic than anyone in that show gives her credit for, looks at all of that and forgives Su anyway. Its not unconditional, like I said the level of trust isn’t bone deep, but she does the legwork. And you know what, Lin deserves to have family that cares about her in her life. Her niblings adore her, and she eventually believes that Su is genuinely there for her. I will die on this hill.

I know this probably came across as incredibly disorganized and rambly. I’ll talk more about Lin’s relationship with the metal clan kids and/or Toph in another post because I recognize that I’ve gone down a fuckin rabbit hole but I have extremely strong opinions on Lin’s relationship with her sister.

[kithtaehyung]

OKAY, HELLO. I JUST FINISHED "FRIENDS" AND WE HAVE A LONG REVIEW COMING TF UP.

You just know it’s something he would say to anyone in your position. You can’t think you’re special.

i felt so pissed in lines like thissssss, BE POSITIVE FFS! but oof those kisses compensated it.

Roaming your eyes over his sure features, shyness quickly takes over and you become quite interested in the scratch marks in his table.

no need to notice those ok

that phone call where she lies to her friends omg!!!!! i would've started crying. lol

He gave you a key to the door that you were terrified to knock on.

that line was so powerful, i stopped functioning.

You feel a hand on your thigh before Yoongi lazily slings your leg over his, and your brain lights up at his admittance...

SO DOMESTICCCCC.

“Choke me.”

biTCH I CHOKED

Biting a corner of his lip, he warns, “Careful, baby girl.”

You chuckle as you bring your fingers to the base of his throat. “Or else what…”

YES BITCH DOM HIM.

But suddenly, he tosses his jacket onto the bed before bringing both hands forward, holding your hips and bringing you closer. “About what, doll?”

even i stopped functioning

What’s worse: knowing that it can’t ever be real with Yoongi unless something drastic changes. Which is why you can’t let yourself feel this way for much longer.

i had to calm down bc it hurt but i dONT LIKE HER THINKING LIKE THIS!

Tae is a real one, Reia too :(

I never thought her friends would be pissed at her (when she confessed), maybe a tad offended, but I'd be understanding if that ever happened to me.

Where is home lately, if he isn’t there?

MA'AM?

Well. That’s even more interesting. Your question is timid before tiptoeing out. “…Do you want to?”

“Course I do.”

akodjijfijsifhh

i was like "does whiny mean women?" like, whiny voices from women, AND THAT'S WHAT MY BRAIN INTERPRETED AND HIM NOT SHOWING UP FOR HOURS, JUST MADE ME FEEL PAINED. ANXIOUS. but tHEN HE KISSES HER TO WAKE HER UP AND TELLS HER THEY FINISHED THE WHOLE THING AND REASSURES HER I JSUTDDJAJ I CANT

When you hit the floor, you realize.

It’s almost been a year since you’ve been in this position.

You want to show Yoongi what he had been missing.

i tried my hardest not to scream

Something in you clicks.

And clicks hard.

did she realise what i think she did

Because he slips the silver necklace around your neck before taking off the heavier one, admiring the view when both of them rest against your slippery chest.

What…?

What is he doing?

This feels borderline intimate.

so uhm i banged my desk thrice

Yoongi decided to keep all of his clothes on

EEEEEEEEEEEEK

Yoongi suddenly grabs the back of your neck, holding you in place and causing your jaw to slacken.

“Whose pussy is this?”

UHM I- IIJIHF6D7 YOURS

“You wanna be a cumslut so bad? Prove it.”

PLSSSSSSSSS??????????????????????'

From the way that Yoongi claims your lips, you want to think he feels the same. It’s at least nice to keep pretending.

But you know he’s doing it to make you feel better, though it devastates you all the same.

UHM I NEED YOU TO STOP KILLING ME WITH THOSE LINES.

Just like I always do, tysm for amazing writing. It is sooo worth the while and even if I was able to finish it just today, this made my Friday better.

HELLO TEMPO I HOPE EVERYTHING WENT WELL<33 also thank you so much for reading and for this review holy shit! i was laughing at your unhinged reactions HAHAHA

as far as reader making you mad, i'm sorry! but the way i see her thoughts, it's not her being outright negative. it's her way of guarding herself and staying realistic. i mean... i would be the same with yoongi like lol

"He gave you a key to the door that you were terrified to knock on." this is one of my fave lines from 3tan6!! i'm happy you brought it up ahh! more under the cut!

and tae and reia being so supportive UGHHH i love them.. like it's normal now to just be like "oh shit yeah you do you!" so i wanted the friends to be understanding and real. we've all got our own shit to deal with, as reia says.

i'm glad they got everything resolved with the voices!! and then the spice LMAOOO UR REACTIONS ARE GOLDEN IM CRYING even the desk banging stopppp jfjlshdfl

you're amazing! you're very welcome but also thank you so so much for this! i loved reading your live commentary and i'm smiling in this cafe ahahahaha. always happy to make your days better<33

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[thirsthourdemon]

Yuu Nishinoya

I honestly feel like Yuu nishinoya doesnt get enough credit in the simping community. I understand everyone loves him as a comical relief and a great libero but I have rarely seen writers who do write about nishinoya. I get that most girls want their tall boys and that they want to be towered over but I am here to prove that Yuu Nishinoya is worth simping for.



Exhibit A: He’s a supportive friend

Yuu nishinoya is the type of person that will tell you that they will really punch you if you keep saying bad stuff about yourself. He will support you through everything you want to do as long as he knows you’re safe. Being a supportive friend also means he can be a very supportive S/O. We joke around simps a lot but let’s be real it feels really nice when someone in the crowd says you’re amazing even when everyone else isnt that interested and that is Nishinoya. He will be that boyfriend that does whatever he can for you not because he’s a simp well yes but not the point he will do it because he wants you to see him through his eyes. You see how he is with shimizu? That’s how he’ll be with you and more.



Exhibit B: He will never make fun of you for your insecurities

Out of all the people Nishinoya, korai and hinata knows how it feels to be underestimated because of how small they are. Nishinoya out of the three is the smallest one and even shoyo for a certain extent “Looked down on him”. Nishinoya will never make you feel like your appearance because what about your appearance? He saw you as the most beautiful person out there! There wasnt anything wrong with you and If you wanted to change then he’d allow you to change as long as it was your decision and not because you felt pressured. He would pick a fight with any one who insulted you because ARE THEY BLIND?! Their S/O was like a gift from the heavens! As a crow he would sure want to peck their eyes out! You were/are/will be beautiful in his eyes.



Exhibit C: Polishing skills (Supportiveness 2)

As we all know he loves showing you how amazing you are. He did it to Asahi and that man is like one of the most insecure characters I’ve seen in the show. He wont just cheer you on but he will help polish your skills. He might not look it but nishinoya is the type to learn but his way of learning is different. He doesnt get by with books however if you tell him that you’re learning how to paint or to do calligraphy? He will MOST DEFINITELY give you the time and space to do your thing. We saw that in season 1 nishinoya got bruises when he was training a certain style and I see him totally doing something like grind up ink sticks or help cover your room with newspaper so you wont get paint anywhere. He will help you polish your skill because he knows you will help him polish his by throwing a few balls or making him food. Speaking of making him food...



Exhibit D: FLEXING

He is just so...HAPPY! If you ever made this boy a boxed lunch, a lucky charm, a sign or wear his jersey to a game? He will appreciate you so much that he shouts it to the rooftops. If you gave him something like a lucky charm that he can wear? Let’s say a little bracelet or anklet? He will wear it and take care of it. He will even show you off to his friends or the whole school if he could! I dont know about you guys but I love being flexed because I like having my small ego stroked okay? Hahaha anyways nishinoya appreciates and it gives him so much strength that he gets pumped to the point it overflows sometimes. He will walk around holding your hand and even swinging it just to tell everyone that “LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL BEING! I AM WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL PERSON!”. Overall...

He be flexin you like how a kid would flex around the stars that they got that school day.









Why I love nishinoya:

I honestly love a lot of guys from haikyuu but I know that out of all of them...The most compatible with me werent the ones that I mostly simp for such as kenma or ushijima. I wouldnt be compatible with them and Im sure of it because I hate silence. I dont like it when people dont talk to me when they want something. I cant handle it because though for me I dont see any reason to I understand that some people have a really hard time at it. Nishinoya would be the most compatible because he will tell you what he wants and if he doesnt he actually will be so obvious that you dont need to hear from his lips anymore because he basically gave it away like him giving you his shirt “Just in case” he comes over even though you live like right next to him? He obviously wants you to wear it! Noya at the same time is the type of person who hypes everyone up and me being me I know I hype up everyone in my proximity. It will just be me and noya Hyping each other up because we both think the other deserves it! Being flexed. I cannot tell you enough how I melt when someone actually flexes me to their friends or their social media. Im sorry but It’s an insecurity of mine that Im not worth being shown off thats why my previous relationships never did. Oops- Anyways noya is noya. His supportive nature, his passion and his goofy personality basically screams I would go good with him HAHAHAHA

NO MORE SELF INDULGENTS 😤

[pop-culturereference]

as long as i’m reflecting you

Summary: “I can’t believe you haven’t figured it out yet. I'm you, Hawks."

@hawksweek2020 day 1: Cliché

If you’d rather read on ao3 (or if you want to read my long rant in the chapter notes): https://archiveofourown.org/works/27203351

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Pairing: Gen

Rating: G

Characters: Hawks, Dabi

Dabi towers over Hawks as he lies there, helpless, blue flame licking greedily at his face and wings. He can feel himself shriveling under the heat, but perhaps the worst part is this:

Takami Keigo.

Dabi knows his name. Dabi knew all along what Hawks was doing there, knows more than even his friends do—his name.

Hawks panics at the sound of Dabi’s boots crunching on the broken shards of his visor—He can’t die here! The battle is far from over, and he’s the only hero ready and equipped to deal with the aftermath. There’s not much Hawks can do, at this point, but he does have one option. Dabi needs time between using his quirk in order to recover. Use conversation, distract him, draw him in. In Hawks’s experience, villains never pass up a chance to gloat and throw their self-righteousness in everyone’s face. Get a villain talking about themself, and they won’t shut up. Even closed-off Dabi will likely blab his life story, thinking Hawks is about to die. It’s worth a shot.

“The only members of the League I found nothing on were you and Shigaraki. I found everyone else’s background, their families—but for you, I couldn’t even find a name. Who are you?”

Dabi sets a foot on Hawks’s back, leans his weight into it. Hawks pushes himself up with his hands as much as he can to prevent his ribs from snapping. He’s miscalculated. Dabi will keep his secrets over his ego. Hawks accepts his death even as he fights and pushes against it; he can’t die, but he’s going to, and there’s nothing he can do about it. He’s expecting Dabi to burn him to death right there, and he’s already bracing himself and gritting his teeth against the heat. He is <em>not</em> expecting Dabi to crouch down, one foot still on Hawks’s back, and whisper:

“I can’t believe you haven’t figured it out yet.” There’s a warm huff of laughter on his ear that has Hawks cringing away, then— “I’m you, Hawks.”

-----------------------------

Hawks wakes up to the horrible smell of antiseptic solution and the annoying tug of compression sleeves on his leg hair. Then, of course, the swoop of vertigo that speaks of some Pretty Heavy Anaesthesia. He tries to cough the smell out of his mouth, but is met with a sore throat—more than sore, actually. It’s like someone’s taken literal sandpaper and dragged it down his entire esophagus. He gags, tries to sit up, is hit off balance by the vertigo, and promptly throws up over the side of the bed.

He leans back against his pillows and wallows in the agony his stomach acid has raked over his poor, abused, sandpapered throat.

“Can I get you anything?” asks a nurse holding a bucket. Oh, good. He’d vomited into a bucket and not all over the hospital floor.

Hawks gestures frantically to his throat with a plea in his eyes that the nurse hopefully interprets as “water,” or “cough drop,” or even, “please just slit my throat and put me out of my misery.”

The nurse hands him both water and cough drops. Hawks’s eyes water with gratitude. Well, either that or pain. Maybe both.

“Sorry, man,” says the nurse as he reaches to adjust Hawks’s blanket. “They had to do surgery on your wings, and you had a breathing tube.”

Hawks croaks in horror. “Wings!?”

“They’ll be all right. You also had some skin grafts for the burns.”

Burns. Dabi. I’m you, Hawks.

“Phone,” he demands urgently.

With his miraculously only-slightly-singed phone in his hands, Hawks shoos the nurse away and starts tapping and typing with frenzied vigor.

His google search shows him an article spotlight on him, featuring an interview with Tokoyami, who apparently saved him. Good kid, that Tokoyami. It also shows him that there were minimal casualties and that apparently the UA students were spearheading the clean-up and rebuilding of the battleground. Okay. Okay. Good, good. All of it good. 

Now, what he <em>really</em> wants to know: Dabi.

To: VP HPSC: 

get me every pic i ever sent u of dabi highest res possible asap

also the cam footage of lov hideout

To the number he’d found on Google for the news network he saw at the raid:

Hi, this is Hawks. I saw your news logo at the fight in Reika. I was wondering if you could send me any footage you managed to get of the villains. Thank you. Here’s a selfie for proof it’s me.

To: Dabi (Villain):

hey ik its a bit of a long shot but like i would love an explanation thanks xoxo <3

He knows Dabi’s claim is ridiculous. He knows, all right? What he’s actually hoping to find is some connection to Endeavor. There’s definitely <em>something</em> familiar about Dabi, and that, paired with the fire quirk, could explain it. 

The first replies he gets are the pictures and footage from the Commission. Hawks zooms in and examines Dabi’s hair. He always knew it was dyed.The roots come in a lighter color, which would make his hair look perpetually greasy if it laid flat; but instead, it makes his spiky hair look just the slightest bit detached from his head. As he looks at the pictures, he’s surprised to realize that he was already biased toward his Endeavor explanation in his head: he was thinking Dabi’s hair was white, like the color of Todoroki Shouto’s ice side, from whoever was Endeavor’s wife. Closer scrutiny shows that it’s actually a dark blond, like Hawks’s own hair. 

That doesn’t mean anything, though.

Dabi’s aesthetically stapled under-eye bags are right in the spot where Hawks has his natural eye markings.

The one picture he managed to find of Dabi shirtless (It’s okay, Hawks reminds himself. I’m a creep with a noble cause. It was for the intel) shows that the stapled purple skin covers the part of his back where Hawks has his wings. If Dabi had wings and they were removed, purple skin grafts or whatever those were would cover up the evidence quite nicely.

And… what Hawks learned during the raid. Dabi’s weakness is his own quirk. Fire. That’s Hawks’s own biggest weakness. That’s almost too much to be a coincidence…what if…?

As he’s looking over the Commission’s images, he almost drops his phone in surprise because Dabi (Villain) texts him back. 

Every intelligent thought in his head evacuates in favor of wtfwtfwtfwtf.

It’s a selfie—a close-up of Dabi’s face, right behind a hand that’s flipping him off. It’s just the puzzle piece that he needs, because the small gleam of light catches on the telltale glint of a contact lens, and Hawks can see where the edge of the blue goes lighter where it’s not covering the colorful iris underneath—Dabi’s eyes aren’t actually blue. And, what Hawks has always thought of as edgy eyeliner looks suspiciously similar to his other eye markings.

Another quick text to: Pres HPSC, VP HPSC:

i dont have any sort of long lost twin brother right??? or like an evil clone or smth??

Almost instantly, he receives a No.

It should be a relief, but his mind’s still going haywire. Dabi…is him? He is Dabi? Dabi is Hawks? Does Hawks is Dabi who? Shut up, brain, you didn’t connect shit. It Dabi, Takami Keigo Dabi Hawks… if Hawks? Who Takami Dabi… he…   

-----------------------------

Maybe I shouldn’t try thinking when I’m high on painkillers, he thinks when he wakes up. 

As he looks around, he realizes he’s been moved to a more long-term room. Instead of curtains, it has a door, and there’s a TV and a nightstand. His phone is dead and he’s not about to call the nurse to come plug it in for him, so he switches on the TV instead, not sure how much he can trust his conclusions on the outcome of the raid if he convinced himself that he was somehow Dabi in the same 10-minute timespan.

The first thing that shows up on the news channel is a report about Hawks, and he’s greeted with the atrocious selfie he took to prove his identity to the news channel. His hair is a devastated battleground and missing completely on his burned side, he’s covered in gauze and medical tape, and his smile looks half-crazed. What was he thinking?

“Hawks is recovering in an unknown hospital, but he looks to be well. The real question is, will the Number Two Hero still be able to charm without half of his famous wind-swept hair?”

“I don’t know, Motome-san. Let’s look at some footage of the battle. I’m sure any lady—or gentleman—would be charmed by someone willing to go so far to protect them.”

Hawks rolls his eyes and scowls, but doesn’t turn off the TV. If they show his fight with Dabi—if he could get a quick glimpse of him—he could turn off the idiot switch in his brain that won’t shut up. 

Instead, what he sees is a streak of red that flies into Dabi’s hand. That’s one of his feathers. Dabi controlled one of his feathers. Dabi has control of Hawks’s Fierce Wings.

To hell with his pride! Hawks repeatedly jams the help button on the side of his bed, and a nurse arrives soon after, out of breath. Hawks feels a little bad for scaring the poor man, but he needs to charge his phone. As soon as it turns back on, he sends out the text to almost every single one of his contacts.

Hi all, this is Hawks. I’ve figured out the identity of the villain Dabi. It should help you lure him out and take him down. DABI IS ME. Text me with any questions. Go after him with fire, if you can.

Within three minutes, Hawks has rejected 7 calls. Text me with any questions, he said. Not call. He won’t be speaking with his sandpaper throat for at least the next month if he has anything to say about it. 

Someone with enough manners finally texts instead of calls. It reads: omw to kill you right now. should have finished the job last time.

Oh, shit. Did he really send that message to Dabi? 

Yeah. He did.

SOS this is not a joke, he sends to the HPSC. Dabi just texted me says he’s going to kill me right now. i’m in the hospital, can’t fight. PLEASE send someone

He answers the next call from Pres HPSC. “Can’t talk,” he rasps and tastes blood on his tongue. The president talks to him and he gives one tap for yes, two taps for no.

“Do you really want us to send someone?”

One tap.

The president sighs. “Hawks, as soon as you can speak, I expect the most thorough, detailed, in-depth report you’ve ever given in your life.”

--------------------------------

With Hawks’s warning, they capture Dabi easily enough. He shows up at the hospital directly and comes face-to-face with Endeavor, who, knowing about his weakness to fire, easily takes him down.

When Hawks visits Tartarus a month later to interrogate Dabi, he wonders how he ever missed it. Without the dye and the contacts, there’s no denying that Dabi is Hawks. He’s left wondering, though.

“Why did you text me at the hospital that you were on your way to kill me? I immediately got Endeavor there. I thought you were a little smarter than that.”

Dabi just shrugs, his newly-regenerated red feathers rustling with the movement. “Obviously not. I am you, after all.”

[iamtheempress]

Cold Blooded

A Dragon Ball Horror Fic {Part 8}

☆☆☆

The Gravity Chamber, at 500 times gravity was nothing compared to how heavy the princes heart felt. Whether he wanted to admit it or not he hurt Carlie and the fact she was UNDERSTANDING- other then alive- is nothing short of a miracle.. shes still his fiance, his mate. Vegeta was getting sloppy and keeping his mind occupied was proving to be a bigger challenge in and of itself.

"Why dont you go apologize to her already?" Bulma's voice cut through the gravity chambers speakers. Vegeta pounded his fist straight through a bot and looked to the screen on the wall. Hes quiet. "Vegeta, your so fucking dense.. shes going through trauma too. All she wants is to be comforted and if you can collect yourself and man up and speak to your *fiance* maybe you two will be stronger then ever.. just get your ass outside and see her." "Where." The prince piped up and turned off the chamber that was encased in red light. "Balcony from my room shes checking out the scenery with her new vision" she winks and turns off the display. "New vision..?" He furrows a brow and rushes out of the chamber.

He made his way to the other end of the building paying no mind to doctors and physicians who stood around scratching their heads. It seems like confusion was becoming more infectious in the walls of capsule corp then people were comfortable with..

He saw her.

Standing on the balcony with the robe that was leant to her from Bulma, he took a deep breath and made his way to the door. The wind fluttering curtains out of the building.

"Woman." He piped up, clenching his shaking fists. 

Carlie turned eyes wide and tilted her head. Shes not wearing glasses. Its a new sight for the prince and certainly for her. She was so interested in seeing him she had a look of childlike wonder. 

"Hey Vegeta, i was just about to come look for you, wanted to show you this." She pointed to her face, she was focused on him for the first time without glasses and Carlie simply loved it.. she welcomed him on the balcony and they stood side by side, Vegeta kept his place and stared at her gathering his thoughts and how to say it. 

"Carlie. You know i didn't mean to do what i did… in any way shape or form id never lay a hand on you maliciously.. what I'm saying is that-'' she cut him off with a finger to his lips silencing the bumbling prince.

"My prince doesn't stutter over his words. That tells me your sorry and that's all i need." He sighed in relief and held her arms staring into her eyes. "No more glasses i assume?" He pushes bleached blonde locks out of her face to view her new look closer. "Nope! I have 20/20 vision now! The serum perfected it completely.. should be permanent. Like it?" 

Vegeta tilted his face and hummed out a chuckle "Never mattered to me woman" he encircled his arms around her back and pulled her into a passionate hard kiss, nothing about Vegeta was soft or sweet. Let alone kissing or a rare apology. She welcomed it with a smile and running her fingers into his hair and deepening it. They were interupted by the sound of Bulma's voice. "No sex on my bed please you two." She casually asked of them making Vegeta smirk down at his woman beaming with relief. "No promises." Carlie held him close and looked at the blue haired engineer. "So i take it you both made up? Wedding still on?" "Plan never changed if im not mistaken" Vegeta grumbled and leaned back against the railing. "Good. I have food ready for everyone, Carlie go get dressed and meet us out there." She requested disrobing from the white lab coat. "Heard that. Im guessing hes not joining us again." She gulped, referring to Frieza. "No he had his fill already. Gets his food sent to his room." Bulma always had a way of making people comfortable in any bullshit situation. "Alright ill meet yall out there."

Carlie dressed in the little black dress she had as a backup in Bulmas closet. Simple and easy to slip on. Along with blue slides on so she wasn't barefoot going to the balcony. Upon closing the door she was met with the quiet halls of capsule corp she adjusted the dress and made her way down the hall only to be stopped by a familiar sight.

"Carlie!" Goku chirped coming from the direction of the lab. "Hey Goku! Long time no see. How you been?"

"Oh y’know all well and good, Vegeta told me that the serum was done so i stopped by and went into the lab to get the edible versions. Hope that’s no trouble!" He rubbed the back of his neck with a grin.

She laughed and walked in tandem with the larger saiyan to the balcony. "No no problem there. I should really come up with a name for it instead of calling it 'serum'." Goku made a thoughtful noise and tilted his head.

"Pick Me Up?" He said quite instantly. As if he already had a name for it. "Goku where the hell did you hear a phrase like that?" "Huh? Im not sure, really. Somethin i used to say with senzu beans or when I'm in a hospital bed, and believe me everyone needs a good Pick Me Up" Carlie snorted, Goku was that weird comic relief she needed in her life, some things are just too serious and then there was Goku to remind people there’s worse thing out there to be worried about then that on earth, the both of them stopped at the doorway from the balcony.

"It was strange actually, Frieza let me in the lab when i got there." Carlie raised a brow. "Really? Weird." She goes to the balcony with Goku who sees the smorgasbord of food. "Got room for one more?" "Yes Goku, we got more" Bulma says being served and points to Goku. The wait staff nods and goes back to fetch more food for the Saiyan with the biggest appetite and Carlie, who took her place beside the prince.

Something still sat heavy on her mind..

Why was Frieza in her lab?

Beneath the foundation of the corporation was Carlie’s Lab, and within that lab lay her best creation now being manufactured ten fold from enterprises, and Frieza was witnessing the young scientists' empire rise slowly. The former emperor strode around the lab and to a display with Frieza’s name scrawled across the drawn on screen. He smiled at the little things, whether it be penmanship or be it her dainty way she wrote in general there was something about her that Frieza enjoyed. Maybe it was her interest in him, maybe it was her kindness where others found reasons to hate him.

He didnt hate it. He felt the need to keep it to himself, to let it fester for his own amusement. He dipped his head forward and looked to a bag sitting erect on the floor.

Marked with the letter F. He tilted his head and picked it up, curious, he pulled out a large bottle of Merlot. “Hmm… Precious little thing remembered” He was caught off guard by the sound of someone opening the door to the lowermost part just before the labs door, he twitched upon hearing an unfamiliar voice.

He slid the wine back into the bag and placed it back to where he found it. Gliding with grace and absolute silence to the wall besides the door to listen. “Have you seen Norman anywhere?” A deep voice questioned, an older human physician.

“Havent since he sent another nude of Carlie..” “A real dime piece she is.. Too bad she still is with that weird alien.” “Ah come off it.. We have our Stache and she is none the wiser.”

Friezas fists clenched tight behind his back as he leaned against the wall, and a small knowing smile spread across his tightly lined black lips. Easy prey. He thought.

“So why are we down here, Nick?” the fat short one asked as the other fumbled with pills and some strange vial. “Easy, Bruce… were sabotaging her coffee so she can fall asleep faster, and were going to get that coding for that stimulant. Dumb bitch wouldnt know what hit her.” The door clicked open and In walked the Physicians, unbeknownst to them there untimely end would be at the hands of frieza.

At breakneck speed, Frieza apprehended both of them one by the neck with his tail and the other with his hand outstretched gripping the fat short ones neck, tight enough to hear a loud crunch before he could cry out for help.

“Tsk tsk tsk… you meddlesome little vermin were going to harm, Carlie” He lifted the one who was devising the plan into the air and tightened the appendage around his throat tighter, his fat friend gurgling almost unconscious on his own blood. His eyes flicked to the room in the back marked incinerator. Friezas devilish smile and bright vermillion eyes flickered from one physician to the other. “I do believe a swift punishment for disgusting little creatures like you are in order., wouldn't you agree, Bruce?” He walked forward with one hand anchored to his back as the door opened to him as if by will, the one being suspended in mid air was kicking and gasping, while the other was being dragged by his bottom jaw.

“This is a crude little disposal unit but it will do for now, besides trash belongs in the trash.” He tossed the fat one into the disposal pit with enough force to crack his head against the wall, the impact making a loud crunch; he gasped and twitched, spitting up blood on the ground, covered in charred remains of glass and waste.

Frieza brought the human to eye level with him and tilted his head as he stared in the face of sweet delicious fear, decadent tears and the succulent sight of sweat and blood shot eyes of the strangled doctor. 

“Those pictures better be worth your utter demise. Too bad you wont be able to touch a woman as beautiful as her,” He took hold of his arms and with minimal effort popped both of his arms off his person like a doll, the dismembered doctor went wide eyed and cried before being flung head first into the same spot his partner hit.

“Now you wont have anything to touch her with….” He grinned laying the arms one over the other in the pit before clicking the incinerator activation button, sealing the two still living doctors away in a hard glass chamber door, and licks of fire erupting from the floor like hell reaching up to grab at them both. Frieza leaned against the wall marveling at the two doctors flop around like fish out of water… screaming silently for a help that will never arrive. Only to see their executioner behind the glass window beyond walls of rising fire, like the Devil himself.

“You will thank me, Carlie.” He assured sauntering from the room only to be met with a tiny floor cleaning robot that mopped up the floor of all the blood that soaked the linoleum floor. The perfect murder, and the best little cleanup crew and no one was any the wiser.

The emperor looked over at the bottle of wine left out for him then back to the screen with all the information of his physical genetic makeup, hes thoroughly impressed and with a swipe of his hand the coding goes over to the Saiyan genetic makeup with the green wording beneath it.

Perfected.

Frieza narrows his brows and hums. A tab opens with all the reasons why it is perfected. Most of these reasons are beneficial and to aid civilization as a whole. Both alien and human alike, and shes only put forth the battle stimulant. “This benevolent little woman is more creative then I expected.. Ohoho.. Your only peaking my interest further and further Carlie.”

He goes back to his own investigation and feels like hes seen enough. He’ll inspect his findings later, but for now he is in wait. The incinerator dings indicating its disposal has ended. Frieza grins maliciously. “Too bad that was much faster than anticipated…”

☆☆☆

Authors note: Thanks for waiting, works been crazy and havent had time to really get this done fast enough.

Taglist: @gallickingun​ @gonuclear​ @dragonblobz @dragonballcollector @lilfriezatyrant @mommaofthesayianguild @lizardhipsdontlie @supremeleadershitlord @thotful-writing @trans-asshole @memevember

[ladylillianrose]

Episode 13 Thoughts/Reactions While Watching

Spoilers under the cut

Does it suck that Selin got dumped on her wedding day? Yes it does. But I'm still proud of Ferit for deciding he is worth someone who loves only him.

"Secret handcuffs between us" omg I love it! 🤣🤣🥰🥰⛓

"To be honest I cannot part from you" *swoon*😍😍

"Sometimes love isn't enough," Eda girl what are you saying? Don't be thinking like that!

I love that he doesn't want to hide their relationship from everyone. He wants to proudly show the world that he is in love with an amazing, beautiful, talented and intelligent woman.

"Let it burn, chaos is good, it will make us stronger." This is so not the same Serkan from the beginning! She has changed him so so much and I love it!

But be wary of the chaos you so willingly embrace Serkan!

Ahhh thank goodness the girls know now! And they're all so happy for her!!!

Also Melo even knowing that Sirius missing her was just Serkan's excuse is adorable and I want her to tease him about that at some point lol!

Makes me miss my girlfriends!!😭😭🥰🥰

Eda! Just tell her!!!

I love that we are seeing more of Serkan spending time in his study in casual clothes. It's a more intimate look at home, surrounded by all his space stuff.

I understand Selin wanting to start a new life and get rid if her shares, but she should have spoken to Alptekin about it, sold him and Serkan the shares. Instead she sold it to a stranger.😡😡

The Head and Shoulders spots never cease to make me giggle. 🧴🚿

Glad that Aydan is realizing Eda's worth. Knowing she intentionally treated her poorly and Eda rose above it.

Ooo Serkan not pulling his punches! He is not wrong that this is what hes been saying for months. And ouch at the bringing up his brother and the past when he was sent off. These are clearly still raw subjects and memories for him.😢😢

Oofff I feel for Aydan on that moment. So frustrated with herself that even as Alpyekin is being taken to the hospital she cant leave to go with him.😢😢

The fact that Eda can tell something is wrong from just a few words.❤❤😢😢

Also Alptekin's heart problem is hitting close to home (my dad just had 4 stints put in his heart last month, one artery was 99% blocked and another was 98% blocked, his was from genetics not diet/exercise). So I really feel for Serkan dealing with everythimg and still feeling helpless/unable to do anything.😢😢😢❤❤❤

Have I mentioned how much I love Leyla? I love that she hugged him,and even though he didn't return the hug, you know that Serkan was touched.🥰🥰🥰🥰

Gossip lines all through the office! That was quick!

Serkan asking for help from them and Leyla and Erdem being shocked lmao 🤣🤣

Oh shit I forgot that Ferit was the one to set up the whole thing with Efe. So of course he would be there/around.

I'm still on Ferit's side having broken things off. I wish he had done it earlier, even minutes before the wedding would have been better than when they were all watching. But it took him until that moment to realize what he didnt want.

Lmao Efe would drive a fancy flashy red car. And of course be the opposite style boss of Serkan. 🚘

Oh Melo, maybe you can have him, keep him away from Eda and Serkan.

Aydan making Seyfi dig up all the info on Eda. And Seyfi being all team Eda

Oooo 6 months is a long time to put up with Efe and Ferit. Poor Serkan!

Lmao Melo is on a roll today! Calling Erdem out on his dating app lies to Fifi, and telling Leyla to back off the assistant position cause its hers lol!

Shit I didnt realize Ferit's shares came directly from Alptekin/Serkan's. Damn that splits it into two teams there.

"I cant breathe here without you." And "I'll be the air for you whenever you want" ugh these two romantics.😍😍😍😍

I love that Ayfer knows enough about Aydan to check on her. And that Aydan was touched by her being the only one to do so. They'll be friends that snipe at each other by the end I'm sure.

But OMG I'm dying at Aydan spilling the beans lmfao! The two of them being hysterical together is hilarious. 🤣🤣🤣

Oooo Eda you are in so much trouble with Ayfer!

Serkan giving Eda the chance to work with Efe cause he knows that she is an admirer of his work as well as he knows how talented Eda is. That love and trust!!!

Seyfi and his love for Eda and Edser!

Also Aydans reaction to the handcuffs, priceless. 🤯🤯

Awww yay Ferit and Ceren! They both deserve someone who loves them!!

Yaass Jealous Serkan reappears! Serkan you are not subtle, Efe definitely knows something is going on  between you and Eda!🤣🤣😍😍

I love that not only was Serkan willing to talk, but then made her promise that they still would since the meeting interrupted them.

Aydan is going to smother Alptekin with her caring and attention!

A sweet romantic lunch for two in the office, Serkan you romantic robot! 🤖❤

And saying the office will find out soon enough anyway!!

And he ordered her food she loves, and that he won't eat!🥰

Omg Eda feeding him fries lmao! Fries are impossible to resist Serkan! 🍟❤

Lmfao all the doors open! He's keeping an eye on Efe and Eda!

Serkan is just so romantic with his "how are you real?" And wanting to just runaway and have it be only the two of them, three if you count Sirius! (My romantic husband has often suggested running away just us two, and the cat of course. It is always a tempting offer).

Serkan telling his parents is gold. He is so matter of fact and straight forward. Saying he wants things to happen fast.

"A womans dreams should not be limited to a man." Ayfer isnt wrong, but in Eda and Serkan's case, Serkan has been supportive of her dreams every step of the way!

Ooo Aydan and Ayfer plotting together lmao that's just trouble there. Eda and Serkan are too stubborn to be swayed by your ploys!

Lmao at Serkan saying "Even the cats run away!" With the cats loudly meowing.😹😹😹

His don't leave me grip on her hand lol. Good lord Ayfer that list lmao. He would have been doing some of it anyway just by being around. But him confirming that he will do whatever she wants him to, for Eda *swoon*❤❤

The comment about it being obvious that she's Eda's aunt lol

Poor Serkan will never get a kiss or hug with Ayfer blocking him! Ayfer you are making all of us suffer!!

Shaking Eda's hand and saying goodbye to the cats, priceless 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Awwww asking Eda to send photos of herself to him because he doesnt have them on his phone.🥰🥰🥰

"Then you are only mine," damn Serkan! 🔥🔥🔥🥵🥵🥵🥵

Ahh the old "here are all these ridiculous events that I will make you do, to prove that you couldnt hack it as a society wife," ploy.

Serkan will likely put his foot down on some of Aydan's demands, just as Eda will with some of Ayfer's demands.

Oh Erdem let's see how this plays out.

Efe I dont trust you, and Ferit stop giving him all the inside info!!

Serkan walking in holding Eda's hand! 🤖❤

Lmfao at Piril calling Engin and yelling at his voicemail that even Robot Serkan comes in holding his love's hand. I'm dying!!

Leyla telling Serkan she still wants to work for him. He may not openly demonstrate affection for his employees but he takes care of them where it counts (I've never had a boss care about me or my family like that). ❤❤❤

He's just more introverted and quiet in how he shows affection (which is what makes his love with Eda so important and different. He's going outside his comfort zone for her!)

That's 2 Leyla hugging Serkan moments!!!!🥰🥰

Piril isnt wrong about needing to do all or nothing with the project. She's blunt of course but it's the truth.

I dont think Efe is lying when he talks about Eda's talent,  but he is laying it on a bit thick. 🙄🙄

Oh Eda you are letting everyone elses talk get to you! Dont listen to them! You know Serkan supports and loves you!!

Erdem you are in for it now with Fifi!

Damn those curtains!! Also it appears to be very very windy there lmao 🌬

Why is Engin in the police station lol! (I know that Anil wasn't feeling well so they had to come up with an excuse, but the police Station really?)🤣🤣

Omg Serkan you're going to make me and Eda cry! You got a house and an office?! And talking about eating her favorite ice cream and going to the libraries (be still my heart, that's how you get me too,ice cream and libraries!).😍😍😍😍😍😍

"I cannot live without you" *swoons* 😍😍

Ummm why do I suspect that Efe is working for Eda's Grandmother? Because that didnt sound like an "okay team, come on over" call. That was a "the pieces are in place, we await your move" phone call. Eda may not want revenge,  but Grandma probably does. 🔪🔪♟♟

Oh God I cant handle Serkan crying! 😭😭😭😭

And he has to tell Eda, he cant keep this from her, and God it's tearing him up knowing that it's his family's fault her parents died.😢😢😢

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

oohohoho you just opened the deepest can of worms on the planet

-mod dave, who wrote a fucking ten mile essay

first off, addressing the second anon, no theyre all humans. h., half humans at least. cause yall know me i fucking love my humanstuck aus off my ASS

(that would be funny as hell though. a troll from space walking into a camp on earth going “I AM THE SON OF ONE OF YOUR EARTH GODS. BITCH” like... holy shit)

so first things first their parents. im gonna lay this out, the beta kids and trolls are all greek (EXCEPT sollux hes roman cause his parent has no greek equivalent), and all the alpha kids and trolls are those gods roman equivalents (,,EXCEPT dirk cause he kinda balances sollux being roman out). i havent figured out how thatd happen like 16+ times yet cause in the percy jackson books theres only ever been one instance of two siblings of the same godly descent being greek and roman respectively in HISTORY so like.. i guess th. i guess thats just not a problem in this au

anyway this gets really long so im gonna talk about the beta kids and trolls cause i havent elaborated on the alphas at all ((peep the tags if you wanna see their parents though))

johns the son of zeus, rose is the daughter of athena, dave is the son of apollo, and jade is the daughter of demeter. they were all raised in their respective states, all had to come to new york for various reasons. jades been there the longest, shes been there 9 years and shes been on a couple quests. her biggest accomplishment so far is how she protected the camp from this big vicious angry hellhound that got past the barrier. naturally the girls fluent in Dog Training, so she steps up and instead of trying to kill this thing, she reaches out and tames it as fast as she can. it ends up actually working, and ever since that day she, her cabin, and the camp have a whole bodyguard sleeping right outside the demeter cabin! hes her steed in battle and hes a Very Good Boy. and his name is becquerel

johns the newest kid at camp, he has no idea who he is or why the fuck his school got attacked or why in the hell those anemoi thuellai were so fixated on him or HOW in the hell he absorbed the lightning one threw at him and ended up fine,,, hes just a big mess right now. a big enough mess that when he got claimed by literally zeus, no one else was around, he shrugged it off as some basic magical happening, and he stayed in the hermes cabin far longer than he should have cause no one! fucking knew he got claimed! by zeus of all people! dumbass. he ends up figuring it out though. like an off-hand mention about how this “weird lightning thing appeared above my head a couple weeks ago, haha weird right?” once he figures it out he realizes “hey i might be able to fly” so he sneaks off into the woods to try it. he succeeds fairly quickly but god almighty everyones face the one day the dude just yote himself off a small cliff without warning,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

dave and rose are really tight, theyve been there roughly the same time length, and since their cabins are across from each other they just bother each other all the time. daves the resident Doctor even though he really doesnt look it cause hes got the apollo powers. apollo is the medicine god. so if you wound your stupid ass in battle daves in the ER room patching you up with his glowy hands. rose on the other hand is a very good strategist. shes one of the only athena kids ever recorded to actually have a power - telekinesis. she has no idea how she developed it, she thinks its from birth, but it freaks her out. shes training it though.

so the beta trolls, are also all human(ish). aradias hades kid. but i pulled a pjo trope on her based on one of my favorite characters (im not saying for spoilers, but if you recognize the situation, You Probably Know Who Its Based Off) and aradia died. her mom, the handmaid, had been pulling some Shady Ass Shit and ended up getting herself killed, but aradia tried saving her and ended up going down with her.

so handmaid gets sentenced to the fields of punishment in the underworld, and aradia gets sentenced to elysium, heroes paradise. shes like “no i want my mom to be okay” so they take that away from aradia and they put them both in the fields of asphodel, the neverending grey space for Not So Good But Not So Bad people. her mom becomes a shade (shadow spirit, no human resemblance), as all people do, but aradia. doesnt? and she gets dunked in the fucking river lethe and if you dont know what that does it erases your memory. so she just. comes out of the river like “hello? wgat tae fukc goin on??” but she still remembers one thing. there was an “a” in her name.

tavros is the son of hermes, hes just kinda taken on the role of backup counselor for when the actual cabin counselor is out. hes in a wheelchair, but he also has prosthetic legs for when he needs to actually stand up and fight. hes really good at it too. also catch him in winged converse cause he Owns Those and Uses Them To His Advantage. hes trying his best to keep focused on the camp, cause aradia was his childhood friend, he misses her a whole lot, she never got to camp in the first place. and to his knowledge, shes still dead.

sollux is a janus kid. thats a problem cause janus is roman, and this is a greek camp. he grew up with dave, he showed up with dave, hes been at camp as long as dave. but hes been unclaimed since he showed up so he thinks hes unwanted by whatever parent he has. he knows hes a demigod, he got through the camp barriers, so what the fuck is wrong with him? he also feels shitty cause hes shit at the greek lessons, he cant read a lick of it which literally every demigod without exception should be able to do, he cant name any gods- well, he can, but.. he gets their names mixed up. why does he keep calling poseidon “neptune”? and he has a much, much different way of natural fighting than other kids. they slice, he jabs. he wasnt taught to jab. 

karkat is an aphrodite kid with vitiligo, and to make matters worse, hes ace and on the aro spectrum. to make matters WORSE, the aphrodite kids are kinda notorious for being really shallow, really materialistic, and really mean. karkats been dubbed the “runt” of the cabin, he gets made fun of for his spots to the point where he uses make up and magic to conceal them. worst of all? hes the kid of the goddess of love, for fucks sake. being reminded that “loveless people shouldnt be able to stay in this cabin, mom must have made a mistake claiming you” is kind of.. a blow to the self esteem. long story short he hates aphrodite for claiming him, and would have rather stayed in the hermes cabin. but he eventually goes on this big quest thats vague as fuck right now but Its The Main Plot, he ends up proving to himself that hes worth something and that his siblings are wrong, and my FAVORITE LINE IN THE WHOLE THING i came up with is HIS when he deals a final blow to some big monster: “REMEMBER MY FACE THE NEXT TIME YOU REINCARNATE. MY NAME IS KARKAT VANTAS, I’M THE SON OF APHRODITE, AND LOOKS CAN KILL.”

nepeta isnt anywhere near developed as others are unfortunately, shes a daughter of ares and shes really really good at hand to hand combat. shes small but she leads groups of people in things ranging from camp volleyball games to actual literal wars. shes a tough little shit

kanaya isnt really developed either, i have yet to figure out most of her powers too actually, shes a daughter of iris, the rainbow goddess though. (blatant reference to both kanayas vampirism and. h. her. sh. es ga. gay) ONE THING SHE CAN DO THOUGH is iris message at will without water or drachmas so really shes just everyones go to cell phone and its fucking hilarious cause people just come into the cabin like “KANAYA I NEED TO TALK TO [X]” and shes like “You Better Fucking Pay Me I Am Not Your Personal Cell Phone”

terezi is the daughter of nemesis and she has this really peculiar power she hasnt really gotten the hang of yet. she has synesthesia, so while she cant see she can smell and taste the colors of her surroundings and its really helpful. sometimes though she gets messages from her mom. they dont even come as dreams half the time, they come as almost a different plane altogether. tez has the power to literally tip the scales, pretty much. and when she gets like that, she can see. shes not on earth though, shit on earth stops when shes like that. shes just kinda In Her Own Head, i guess? and in her head she holds the two scales in her hands. she is the arms of the scale. and depending on which one she lifts up, she can literally alter the fate of the battle or happening thats going on By Herself. once she chooses she just whooshes back to real life though and nothing has changed. the only downside? it takes a LOT of energy and cant be exploited for little things. her one thing on her bucket list is to tap into said powers while getting something from a vending machine so like three things will fall out but it hasnt happened yet and shes upset

vriskas a daughter of tyche, the luck goddess, come the fuck on you knew i was gonna, i havent really elaborated on her either and im upset about that. but hey now you get a break from all those fucking paragraphs

equius is a hephaestus kid, and he kinda stays in the background. hes a range fighter, he spends a lot of time in the forge, and even though its been a project looooong since forgotten, hes been excavating the tunnels under cabin nine for years. by himself. he has no idea where they lead, but dammit hes gonna find out where. he has no idea about a certain bunker in the woods though...

gamzees just there for a fucking laugh tbh hes a son of dionysus and i love that cause hes the god of wine and parties and insanity. usually gamzees just zoning out somewhere hes Not supposed to be, and hes not affected by the maenads FUCKED UP BULLSHIT that goes down the forest sometimes. also hes so fucking scared of tavroses wing shoes he tried them on once while he was high and JESUS CHRIST

eridan is the son of kymopoleia, a SUPER obscure goddess. lets just say dont fuck with eridan cause his mom is the goddess of violent sea storms,

and naturally, feferi is the daughter of poseidon. cause who the FUCK else would she be the daughter of. WHO. NAME ONE GOD

OH AND JUST CAUSE I FORGOT CALLIE AND CALIBORN ARE SATYRS IN THIS AU. CALLIE HAS PAN PIPES. and caliborn still has a gun

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-03-12

I have been told only a few things about the upd8 that just landed, over Discord by two people:

upd19 feat. 4,901,157 read it. now. note: the featuring note is accurate if in a different base than what you might be expecting

What the fuck does that even mean.

Okay Pretty good chapter.

...from another friend who VERY dislikes HS^2?  Oh shit.

I also glimpsed a post that may or may not have been about Homestuck at all at the top of my Tumblr feed for an instant that said “YES YES YES YES YES” in huge bold print.  I have no idea whether to be excited or nervous.

Okay, it’s not a Bonus update... let me comb through from an earlier page to be careful not to get a spoilerlook at the pagecount...

...huh.  That seems... like a conversation that would be up my alley, but not necessarily unique so far or worth all this crowing about.  I thought we were about to get Dirk-aliens with a full Horschestra backing... are we getting something else?

> CHAPTER 6. A Conversation Regarding Relevance

Hmmmmmmmm.  With the contrast between their reactions and this ominous buildup, there’s got to be a serious fun-twist coming.  Right?  --I’ll stop with that talk for the moment though.

space is vast. an unproductive statement, almost a tautology. [...]

Alright, that and the starry background are riffing the fuck off Star Trek.  Nice homage to Andrew’s roots.

the lives of the many are far too volatile and instinct-driven

Alt!Callie what the fuck are you doing.  This is intentional now.  You can’t play this off as “what’s a Star Trek”.

tautologies are, in general, reserved for stories. for narrative device. for finding new and inventive ways to tell an audience that which they already know.

God damnit she’s still doing it

neither of us ever able to convince the other of the righteousness of our stance. we were never meant to agree. it isn’t in our blood.

Blah blah overanalyzing classpect blah

when they scoff at my tautology ‘space is vast’, what do they really know? nothing. as far as any of them have experienced, space does not exist.

It’s still nice to see some real personality leak through on Alt!Callie.  We definitely know from her other self that she can develop quite a relatable and colorful one.  Have the years helped?

> ==>

dramantic pouse... ........

Also,

-look at that collar.  Damn, Callie, that is a collar

very few have stood and looked into the abyss, the true gulf of nothingness that spreads out around the single point of consciousness adrift in a constellation. all the combined weight of sentient endeavour would quail underneath that sheer, irresistible truth. the realization that they are so small, that the universe cares about their puny lives so very little. sitting in the glowing light of the stars this becomes even more apparent

In the official aspect quiz I never took the time to analyze, the aspects were put on a wheel where Space was a neighbor to Void, if I recall correctly.  I wonder how much those aspects engender feelings of goddamnit I’m doing it again aren’t I

...

are we out of orange juice?

Yesss let more personality Alt!Callie bleed through, more of it~

Wait, does Alt!Callie even taste through Jade?  Isn’t this remote control?  Is she vicariously drawing pleasure from Jade’s not-just-meat-or-candy mostly-human taste buds or?

> ==>

JADE: are you talking to me? JADE: because if you are i would like to remind you that i hate!! orange juice!!

OH FUCK YES!!! SHE’S IN THERE AND AWAKE!!! SHE STILL HAS AT LEAST ENOUGH AGENCY TO BE PRESENT AND ARGUE WITH CALLIE! YESSSSSS

no you don’t.

JADE: well i guess i never really had a strong opinion on it before JADE: but now i cant stand it!! JADE: its all you drink!

i like the pulp.

QUIT INADVERTANTLY FORCING SHIT ON JADE WITH NARRATIVESPEAK GIVE HER A BIT OF LEEWAY ALT!CALLIE YOU CONTROLLING--

JADE: its my body and i dont want orange juice! JADE: i hate pulp, and i didnt just make that up to spite you JADE: who wants strings in their juice?

i do.

JADE: ughhhhhhhhh

I have had friends hopefully fantasize about and/or therapeutically roleplay this exact situation with Jade breaking through and arguing with Alt!Callie’s control to make this all a fair bit more palatable but I didn’t dare to hope we’d get even THIS much

Maybe the HS^2 authors DO care about not leaving us wallowing in hopeless witness to the characters’ constant torture and existential turbosuffering!!!! :#D

i realize that jade’s situation is less than ideal from a characterization perspective, but i still politely point out that nobody likes a whiner.

Fuck you, this isn’t CALIBORN you’re trying to repress you asshole!  Leave Jade some AGENCY!!!!!  She deserves it!!

JADE: fuck you rude calliope inside my head!

YES EXACTLY

JADE: why dont you try being possessed by the spirit of some other version of a good friend of yours, and floated around a spaceship full of people you love JADE: unable to affect anything or say hello to anyone! JADE: then tell me about whiners!

i killed my brother and consumed him.

JADE: sounds like a you problem

Compromise and give her some agency finally come on compromise and give her some agency you red-text twatwaffle

i suggest to the witch that i have spent untold eons in the void between universes, waiting for the moment i would be needed to prevent the dissipation of reality as we know it. her appeals to emotion will not help her. i will remain unmoved.

Oh god damnit.

JADE: well i had to watch my boyfriend and my brother die in front of me on a tiny scaled version of a world that i shrunk for them! JADE: and then spend the next three years talking to myself, wracked with guilt that id killed them!

Oh. God. Damnit.  This had better not be where the Suicide trigger warning was coming from.  Are there going to be any characters left who DIDN’T emerge from this mess feeling suicidal?!?  (I mean if there were any understandable case it would be three years alone on the golden ship Jade but-- I mean COME ON, we have to discuss that in our FIRST GLIMPSE at her since the epilogues?!?)

> ==>

i remind the witch that my time was in the void, which is far darker and lonelier [...]

Oh fuck you don’t compare suffering as an excuse to COMPLETELY body-enslave and squash the agency of someone when you probably don’t have to.  You’re just doing what’s COMFORTABLE alt!Callie admit it.  There’s a way you could give her some leeway, I’m almost positive.

JADE: even if i had the powers of a first guardian, my brain still worked in modules of human pattern recognition! JADE: three years is a long time for a human teenager, i dont care how many of her molecules are made of a god!

(i love it when jade talks smart, that bit of the epilogues was a treat too, plz reveal more of the big brain on jade)

It seems Jade can’t see or quite understand the full import of there being a “narrative”.  Or THINKS she cant, because she still says:

JADE: your voice is impossible to read and i cant see your face

If she’s “reading” alt!Callie’s remarks, that means she’s breaking through to understand the narrative to SOME extent.  She might be one of the ones who learns to do that a little more and better in the future, especially with alt!Callie almost unintentionally training her to see it.

> ==>

Oh, good.  So A!C’s not above being considerate.  That’s a step in the right direction.

> ==>

D’aww, Jade conceding and trying to empathize like her usual self.  I appreciate it.  :)  --but Alt!Callie’s definitely in the wrong here.

JADE: but i think it is a very natural thing to be silly when you are used to being able to control your own body, but now cant

i will allow that, yes.

Thanks.  Learn some damned reason.

jade smiles. dave and karkat will always be a source of pain for her, a low ache somewhere in her center of gravity, but she is happy for them. she knows that there is really no other alternative for how to be. they chose each other over her, and they always will. they are the two people who matter to her the most in every universe, and that will not change, no matter how much she wishes it would, no matter how--

JADE: do you actually know that?

pardon me?

Oh, shit.

JADE: do you actually know that im doomed to pine over dave and karkat across every iteration of reality? JADE: like, can you actually see that? JADE: because youre a space player, like i am. JADE: i know that you are more powerful than me, but i dont think you can see other timelines any better than i can JADE: so i think you are just being dramatic JADE: for the “audience”, whatever the heck that means

i experience a moment of unease as jade looks at me. keeping her out of my thoughts is proving to be more difficult than i had first assumed it would be.

That’s a damned interesting question.  I was giving the narrative the benefit of the doubt, but given everything the Epilogues warned us about when it came to the narrators and alt!Callie’s occasional slips into her own bias, I really should have known better.

i had begun confident that i could keep her consciousness sleeping peacefully inside the shell of her body, tamed and quiescent, but she has proved to be more irascible than i initially gave her credit for.

JADE: heheh JADE: i have never been particularly tamable, and my consciousness is huge!

This might end up playing out more like my friend’s Jade-breaks-out roleplays than I initially assumed.  (What does she mean “huge consciousness” though?  Superpowered due to part-First-Guardian, like she alluded earlier in the conversation?  That never got much play before, so it’s great to see that potential realized here a bit...)

> ==>

...I’m a fucking idiot.  Of COURSE “huge consciousness” and the whole line around it was just an unsubtle double-entendre.  A small part of me actually wondered if it was and dismissed it as a clumsy reading in an instant.  How stupid am I?  Jade is the best.

If only this sort of thing worked on Cherubs.

> ==>

Yeah.  It really doesn’t.

...Alt!Callie, you are a fucking war-criminal for bottling all these double-entendres up where none of the others can appreciate them.

> ==>

JADE: you are a pretty tough crowd, evil callie JADE: but yes, i can hear most of what you are thinking to yourself JADE: it took a little while to separate it from my own thoughts, just like it did with dirk JADE: because thats what he was doing the whole time, wasnt it? JADE: controlling our thoughts JADE: making us believe things we never would, things he thought we SHOULD believe

Fucking excellent.  She’s definitely training herself on this shit.  The more people who have a harder time getting fooled by this nonsense the better.

jade knows all of this, i don’t have to tell her. she is a very bright girl, and even if she didn’t have partial access to my thoughts, she is good at compiling data and using it to fill in gaps. as she herself had rather licentiously mentioned, her brain is quite large.

C:

and all of these reasons are why i know i can count on her to be reasonable and realistic about her situation. i need a body to continue interfacing with this timeline, and her body is the only one that will do.

Dammit.  Trying to get her to logic her way back into keeping Alt!Callie in complete control.  That’s a tactic that will probably work.  :(

what about [kanaya], jade? she is a space player, it is true, but her powers are nothing compared to yours. for one, she isn’t god tier, and for two, she is dead. a living dead, but dead nonetheless.

Hm.  Are you saying she maybe has less relevance, less of an effect on her surroundings because she spent some of her “cred” on unconventional partial resurrection?  To the extent where she’d make a less influential vessel?  Hmm.

For that to even matter, you have to be planning to use Jade’s Space powers too.  Taking a far more active role in things than narrative beacon.

and a sylph’s specializations lie on a different end of the spectrum from my own. a witch is a far closer match.

!!!!!

Sounds like details of the classpect system that we don’t know will have relevance in HS^2, and we’re indeed gonna possibly get some actual new, clearer details about the system Andrew invented unlike the dearth of new info the Epilogues brought us.  That is... promising.

no, jade understands and sympathizes with my assurance that her body, and her body alone, will do for my purposes.

JADE: um...no i dont!

YES.  Jade is now officially immune to absolute command! :D :D :D

she does. after all, she would not wish this sort of state of being on anyone else, and especially not on one of her friends. jade may have undergone a lopsided number of narrative hardships in her life, but at least she is used to them. why spread that suffering to another?

What the fucking shit???  You’re using that on her?  You think it’ll WORK?!

jade understands and accepts her place in the story, which has always been to enable events to play out around her, just as it has been mine.

..........yeah Jade’s gonna bust the fuck out on the very next page, isn’t she.

What the fuck is Alt!Callie thinking, here?  Wasn’t the other Calliope the one to let us know that the Witch is one of the most active classes there is??  ...what exactly does a Witch officially do anyway, for Alt!Callie to think saying such a thing wasn’t dead wrong?  This sounds MUCH more like the sort of statement someone might make after breezing through Homestuck and confusing the old Jade (cough) for the person she grew up into.

And the fact that you’re phrasing this as a narrative command to try and make her forcibly THINK this way deserves you a smack in the non-literal depictive face.  Let’s see if you get one:

> ==>

Oh wow, no smack yet?!  That’s some restraint!

because what is a story, truly? nothing but a series of misadventures and connections, actions spurring reactions, tumbling into one another, over and over and over. with so many competing interests, clearly the story cannot account for all perspectives, for all threads? it would be laughable, childish, even selfish, to demand that they do.

in other words, not everyone will achieve a happy ending. this is a truth that jade had come to grips with a long time ago.

JADE: wait. JADE: stop. JADE: why are you saying all of this?

Ohh.  Because she still had even MORE smackworthy stuff left to say, to make the smack even SMACKIER, didn’t she.  Alt!Callie you asshole.  If this gets you kicked out of her almost entirely and jeopardizes the crew as Jade struggles to combat Dirk’s narrative influence on her OWN, then I’m fucking blaming YOU!  Do you realize how horrible it’ll be if Dirk gets to almost singlehandedly write the whole story around her and the others for the first section of HS^2 with only one or two characters aware and trying to mentally avert it??  We already TRIED that in the Epilogues!  It was awful!

jade’s body is my vessel, and it is through this realization that she will understand her true role in the story. her true relevance.

Go fuck yourself, Alt!Callie.  Read the audience a bit!

if i released my hold on her consciousness, there would be no guarantee that i would be allowed in again. therefore i cannot permit her the control of herself that she so desperately craves, and she understands that.

THAT’S your reasoning your used-to-surpressing-Caliborn ignorant--!??

JADE: wait. so...you could give me my body back, and then just hop back in when you need to?

in theory, yes.

JADE: then what the hell callie!

because i don’t trust you to cooperate when the time comes.

MotherfuckerTheMusical.mp4

(or real existing equivalent that’s just off the top of my head)

JADE: why not? JADE: i thought you said i was a reasonable girl with a huge brain!

you are, to an extent.

she is. but the truth of the matter remains that humans are capricious and emotional. and even jade herself can admit that she hasn’t been the most...committed example of her species in the last few years.

Oh my fucking god.  I know they’re trying to make this more satisfying when she actually DOES take control in a few panels, but, Alt!Callie, seriously, get more on your other self’s level!!!

> ==>

Yes, please >:O some more

moving from lover to lover, job to job, interest to interest. over the last few years jade had found herself listless, unable to settle and unwilling to commit to anything or anyone. she knows there’s nothing wrong with that on a moral level, but on a personal level she’s always believed that she could be more, could do better. be better. and now, because of this, she realizes that sacrifices must be made.

and that she, as a space player, is uniquely built for sacrifice.

JADE: yeah JADE: i guess youre right JADE: i have been such a silly little slut! JADE: hey callie

yes, jade?

JADE: oh my god, whats that!!!!

You are so fucking screwed Alt!Callie.

this space is utterly under my control. jade could control it too, if she had any access to her own powers. but with my grip around her cortex, there is no chance of that.

(Wait, there’s an extent to which this space is “real” and not imaginary?  Or does holding her space powers in check also mean keeping her imaginary space powers in check?)

Anyway, here comes the smack.  And, though Alt!Callie deserves this, I hope Dirk isn’t let in too often amidst the others as a result.

> ==>

Yup, poising to pounce...

> ==>

I thought there was a weird infinity symbol underneath them but it’s just two spotlights and a shadow cast by her head.

and here i make my first mistake.

No you made your first mistakes WAAAY earlier in this conversation.  And what you did to Jade in general.  She’s a hero/player for a reason, she doesn’t take stuff lying down forever.

but bringing her into a place where we can both physically manifest has left me, foolishly, vulnerable.

First, physically manifest?  This isn’t pure imaginationspace?  And second, she’s going to blame her polite concession to Jade for this and hold on even tighter the next time, isn’t she.  God damnit, not looking forward to that.  Alt!Callie won’t learn her lesson til the end, will she?  :(

her fingers tear at my throat, trying to find purchase. she won’t be able to kill me here, but it is certainly unpleasant, and not to mention slightly repetitive. we just saw this in the previous chapter, although this particular fight will not end as amorously as the last one did. so don’t get your hopes up.

JADE: who! JADE: are you talking to!

I really hope Jade ends up with full narrative powerOOOOOHHHH FUCK THEY COULD GO FOR THAT HUH

Dirk was able to become an Ultimate Self in his own body because it was the uniting of an irrepressible “self” that he always unbreakably represented.  The others had more trouble.

But Jade

has a BIG PART-GOD BRAIN as reinforced in the narrative repeatedly!!

Meaning that later, SHE could Ultimate Self without ANY PHYSICAL CONSEQUENCE.  :D

I was hoping Jade would end up with full narrative-dictating-and-reading power when she wants to use it, at some point, but I might’ve been aiming too low! :D :D :D

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay

Now all the playfully-horny omnipotent Jade fanfics are true, what that totally isn’t part of why I love this go ahead and admit she doesn’t deserve it

> ==>

Yesss flashy gif struggle against control!  (Though, not as elegant as one of Andrew’s might’ve been. Gotta say.)

> ==>

Blinky-eyes about to resolve normal-Jade-colored....!

> ==>

Wait, what?  I thought Jade was about to snap in and--

during the ship’s trip through space, there have been numerous experiments; modifications to the nutrition output of the various machines designed to create sustenance for the various species on board. i myself have been content with orange juice and synthetic proteins, but dave and roxy have both expressed longing for various ‘earth snacks’, and so the trials and errors began.

What the fuck?  I don’t even know where this is going if it’s punways.

Is there like a dog treat somewhere that’s gonna push her over the edge?  Where is this headed even.

> ==>

Wh...

WHa??????

the results were mixed. as roxy told us in a previous chapter, alchemized food all sort of tastes the same, although the visuals really help to bring about the flavor. and at the end of the day, isn’t it the journey that is more important than the destination? the stories you tell as you create the strangely flavored nutritional paste?

JADE: ????????????

Um??  What’s even going on.

so far, everyone’s favorite attempt has been a vaguely peanut-butter and chocolate flavored creation called "Rices'". nobody eats them really. they just sit in a bowl on the counter.

i’m not actually sure what the witch is trying to accomplish here.

Is Jade trying to humorously gross Alt!Callie out of her body with a candy she doesn’t like or?  But, “suicide threat”? Why joke--

JADE: you dont? JADE: really?

i don’t know what she is trying to accomplish, because surely she would not be doing what it appears she is trying to do. making such a meaningless threat.

JADE: meaningless? JADE: do you even know anything about the body you stole? JADE: shouldnt you have run some sort of psychic physical before you possessed it? JADE: its definitely what i would have done!

Oh SHIT.  You mean Jade has the same peanut allergy JOHN does?!?

> ==>

jade must know that i am well-aware of her family-wide peanut allergy. a story thread that has been extremely important and weighed in on in multiple parts of the narrative. how could i have forgotten such a key detail?

...yes, she totally forgot, but more than that.

I’m betting John is the ONLY one with a peanut allergy.  That Jade is USING that fact to bluff like hell.  :D

(Allergies aren’t usually inherited that way you alien!)

there is nothing remotely just or heroic about dying from self-imposed anaphylactic shock in the throes of a childish tantrum. at the most i’ll get a relaxing few minutes of sleep.

Is Alt!Callie bluffing now?  Even a resurrecting death could throw her off.

> ==>

FUCK YES JADE.

JADE: do you really want to risk it?

what are you talking about, jade? i just said--

FUCK YES JADE, BE A HUGE WITCH

(i say in the most witch-connotatively and non-classpect-related way)

JADE: i dont know, callie JADE: ive never really understood the rules that govern the death of a god tier, have you? JADE: it seems pretty arbitrary from where im standing JADE: who makes the decision whether or not something is heroic or just?

...that’s unclear. but it certainly isn’t you.

JADE: right, of course not JADE: but are you so confident that youre a good guy? JADE: are you sure that the alpha timeline WANTS you to be here?

...what.

JADE: youve done some stuff, callie JADE: im only saying you shouldnt be so quick to assume that me killing you wouldnt be just JADE: and that taking my own life to do it wouldnt be heroic

Even with JUST this one fucking situation Alt!Callie put her in, throwing off her control forever by dying would be shortsighted but HELLA JUST.  What Alt!Callie is doing to her is a crime.

Oh shit!?!?

> [S] ==>

What is this, HTML5?  *clicks play*

...for a second, I thought this was gonna launch into a huge thing with that clock ticking song from the Felt album.

Having Rose and Dirk’s colors competing here really reinforces that... Prospit vs Derse vibe that was feeding the whole this-is-the-basis-for-the-game’s-structure-and-the-birth-of-Paradox-Space theory more earlier.

> ==>

i don’t let the witch manipulate me. i refuse to falter in the face of her whispers. without my careful planning and swift action, the prince would have taken full control over this timeline. none of my friends could even begin to imagine the turmoil.

In the end, you’re ignoring what’s right and brave in this instance to instead do something EXPEDIENT, to the exclusion of trust and compassion when things COULD work out just as well without taking the worst actions -- which is textbook villainous.

> ==>

JADE: they arent your friends!! JADE: you took them from me!

Now isn’t THAT a way to put it. :D :D :D

Alt!Callie is sinning almost as badly as Dirk, here.  Viewing everyone else as characters in a story, the only way she’s ever viewed “friends”, and her as the not-so-humble narrator doing what’s best for all of them.  If she’s going to win against Dirk -- or if that victory is going to MEAN anything -- she will HAVE to realize that she needs to be different.

JADE: you keep saying that youre doing all of this for my own good, but youre just lonely! JADE: i know you are, because so am i!

Ouch.

Will Alt!Callie force her to swallow it?

JADE: you said that being a space player is all about sacrifice JADE: well

> ==>

JADE: bet

...I guess she really might have an allergy.

> ==>

Aaaand the candy drops.  A W A K E ! ! ! !

Yaaaaay Jade is BACK and we’ll get to see even more of her!!!

...please tell me on the next page she grabs the candy, noms it, and mentions she doesn’t have a peanut allergy after all.  That would be sweet.

> ==>

...

Nope, you just leave us on a sad.  Dammit, why do you gotta be all adult and showin’ us both sides in a moment of triumph, HS^2.  Shucks.

Anyway, YAY JADE!  C:

I am happy by this, if slightly too emotionally-rollercoastered by the past 24-hours to give this the full-rejoicing it deserves.  That, and worried about the openings Dirk will get because of this... joy now for potential frustration later, even if Jade tries her best to let Alt!Callie back in in-time.

See y’all next time!  And, uhm.  I guess I’ll comment on whatever other asks I promised to comment on another less-eventful day.  Keep reminding me and holding me to it though!