#and that was the push i needed to actually get one LOL

[erosastro]

Your future spouse/partner: Pick a pile Tarot reading

*************

Pile one - Amethyst

Who are they?

This seems like someone who likes to be in control. There’s certain structure and order to things that they like to maintain and anything that happens that they didn’t anticipate they tend to panic but they also don’t like to show it. This need for control and power and staying stuck in a very masculine energy is from a need to work on their self-esteem. I think deep down they know they don’t “fit in” which is what makes them overcompensate in other areas of their life. They could mirror your energy a lot as well. Deep down they’re emotional beings and all they need is love and comfort, though again they might not say it out loud. they’re sensitive too but cover it up with a hard exterior. They may not like to show their emotions easily to others. They’re probably very creative and intelligent as well, though they may be hesitant to take any risks. They also value their solo time or are in desperate need for it. They probably have a lot to unleash creatively and may be working on it. Their feminine energy is begging to be released, to create some sort of balance and again they may be working on that right now. They’re very protective over people they love and might share a very close relationship with their mother or a maternal figure in their lives. In a relationship they’re receptive and nurturing and there’s a quiet tenderness to them that draws people in.

* Capricorn, Pisces and Virgo or Taurus might be significant placements

What the relationship will be like?

I think that this person might be used to surface level relationships because they’re so scared of opening up but with you there’s a sense of familiarity and it forces them the reckon with their old ways of thinking and communicating and overall how they go about their relationships. There might be some time for them to open up and share their feelings candidly with you but once they do, the flow of communication between you two will be loving and understanding. You’ll slowly bring them out of their shell. You’ll bring about a sense of balance in their lives and they probably will be able to show a lot more of their creative and sensitive side to you eventually because of the trust that’s been built between you two. They might initially want something casual or not that serious at first but because of the connection they feel with you, they’re going to be forced to face things they’ve been pushing away for a long time. It’s very tender and sweet between you two and your love language might be words of affirmation or acts of service

Pile two - Rose Quartz

Who are they?

They’re hard workers and very loyal but there’s a playful and passionate side to them as well. They’re the type of person that everyone is happy to be around and there’s a sense of childlike wonder to them that makes them intriguing. They could lowkey be players but they are very loyal once they’re in a relationship. They love to have fun and they could also be weird in an endearing way. I heard “match my freak” lol. They could be sensitive to other people’s energies and they don’t like seeing or making other people upset. They’re unconventional in a lot of ways. They’re intelligent and open minded though they could be moody sometimes. Especially if they get burnt out from work. They don’t get pissed off easily but once they do … they could be quite harsh with their words especially. The energy is delightful and quirky. They could be geeky as well.

* Gemini, Aries, Sagittarius and Libra energy coming through strongly.

What the relationship will be like?

Okay firstly words of affirmation might be a bit love language between the two of you. They value you. They could put you on a bit of a pedestal actually, lol. They’re very thoughtful as well and I heard that things are easy between you two right off the bat. Like conversations flow easily and banter. They’re soooo loving. Like they love to express their love to you and they find you hella attractive. They may think you’re out of their league. I’m picturing Leonard and penny from big bang theory. That might be a show you both love as well. You love to make each other laugh and the intimacy between you is otherworldly. They notice the small things about you and you both value each other. They may the first ones to say “I love you”

Pile three - opalite

Who are they?

They’re fiercely loyal and protective and they’ve been through a lot in the past. Lots of heartbreak that may have caused a sense of insecurity within them. But they love like no other. They’re protective and trustworthy and are big on building trust in a relationship first, no matter what kind of relationship it is. I sense that they might be spiritual as well.hard to grasp too much about them so they might be mysterious too. Their souls are beautiful and they might have gone through a major spiritual transformation or awakening recently. They might be working on healing their heart chakra due to the trauma from previous relationships that they’ve faced. But I get such a strong energy from them either way. Like when they love someone they love HARD.

*Leo energy is super strong in this reading as well as Libra and Gemini

What the relationship is like?

There’s so much of Leo energy here id be surprised if they didn’t have Leo placements of fifth house placements. This relationship is sooo supportive. You guys are each others biggest cheerleaders. I said “aww” so many times for this part of the reading. You make each other super happy and you’re both willing to work hard on the relationship. Like there’s mutual effort here and understanding. You might have manifested this person into your life. I heard “long time coming”. You may already feel this persons energy strongly. You have a way of helping each other through any anxieties or doubts easily. For some of you** there could be babies that come in very early and the relationship might move quite quickly. But it’s because there’s like no doubt about each at all. You both know you’re each others person right off the bat.

Pile four - Aquamarine

Who are they?

They’re very blunt lol. But they have a way with words. They’re extremely charming and intelligent. And they value family a lot. They’re highly intuitive too. They’re very self assured and they’re loyal too, to everyone they love. They’re very direct to people about how they feel and they may come across strange to some. But there’s still something super intriguing about them because their energy is very high vibrational. They might not like beating around the bush and are good at observing others. I feel like it would be hard to lie to this person too. Like they immediately pick up that you’re speaking shit lol. They’re very spiritual and creative. They could be big on being very healthy and like fitness freaks too. They’re the types to love studying even if they don’t always need it. They love learning about new things all the time and the way to their heart is probably through their minds first. They could have psychic abilities as well and can be hypersensitive. They’re very sure about what they want in their lives too.

Strong Gemini, Aquarius, Libra and Leo

What is the relationship like?

Pile four this might be your divine counterpart. The energy is very strong and this relationship is extremely important in your lives. They might have taken a while to come into your life and vice versa but patience is virtue! And trust me it’ll be worth it. They feel very lucky to have you in their life. They love you so unconditionally and you guys get a long like a house on fire. There’s beautiful energy flow between you two and you’re very supportive of each other. You accept each other wholeheartedly and I hear that it’s not something you’re used to. You might have been in very difficult relationships before. You two have a lot in common and can relate to each other in a lot of different ways. They expose you to new ways of loving and spirituality and sexuality. It might be scary to go into this relationship heart first but something about them makes both of you embrace the unfamiliar. Beautiful energy again. Air signs coming through strongly again.

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | ten.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 5.1k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, the dots are being connected!! soooo many run-ins and slip-ups 😭, alcohol consumption and intoxication, someone gets a lil too aggressive with oc, confrontation, some pushing / getting in each other’s faces lol, someone actually catches san x oc—OOP, namjoon is stressed, jongho too actually lmao, lots of assumptions, sorry if i missed anything!!

"So, how was it?" Jiung asks, walking alongside of you as the two of you slowly walk over to the Gates Biology Building, where Yunho's class was being held. You sip on your cup of coffee, dragging your feet while you look ahead to the building in view.

"What, the conference?" Jiung nods. "It was okay! Nothing too fancy."

"You didn't see any other people there?"

"Not really, no. I think this was a relatively smaller conference compared to the others."

"Did you get to talk to Professor Choi much?" He looks down at his feet, wondering if you'd open up about anything that could potentially give him clues. But, you resort to a simple—

"Nope." Jiung is looking at your necklace now. "Just said hi in passing." You avoid eye contact.

"I see." He tries to read your body language but it isn't giving him anything. He's just not sure why you're keeping it so vague and brief, though. That's unusual. Plus, the fact that you can barely maintain eye contact with him. "That's a nice necklace, by the way. Is it new?" He points at it.

"Mhm. I got it down there." You touch the necklace with a small smile.

"It's cute. It suits you."

"That's what the lady told us—" You catch yourself. "Me, too. I mean." Jiung furrows his brows.

"Us?"

"The other shoppers around." You quickly throw out just as you get to the front of the Gates Biology Building. "Thanks for walking me." You playfully ruffle his hair and he chuckles.

"Mmyeah. See you later for the happy hour event?" You nod.

"Have a good rest of your day." You wave him off as you walk backwards and head into the lobby. He stands there for a second, waiting until you fully disappear into the elevator and off to the classroom, turning on his heel while replaying the conversation in his head.

You don't feel the same to him, and he knows it's because you're hiding something. You weren't always great at lying or keeping up with a façade because that just wasn't you. For you to be doing it means there's something tied to it that means a lot to you, something you're trying to protect, and Jiung is now convinced that something is Professor Choi.

It's only a matter of time until he finds out one way or another, and he's not sure how to feel about it. It could either go badly or end up worse; he's afraid you'll end up hurt at the end of it, and he's afraid everything you've worked for will be taken away from you so, so quickly.

Meanwhile, when you drag yourself into the classroom, you're startled by the sight of Yunho on his laptop, sitting at the table in front of the classroom.

"Oh, hey!" He says, typing away. "Hope you don't mind me joining in for journal club today." You shrug with a small chuckle, setting your things off to the side while Yunho comfortably sits back in the chair. Your eyes quickly skim his get-up for today, which is pretty casual: dark jeans, a long sleeve top and chucks. He doesn't say much while you're getting things ready on the projector, typing away on his phone in between scanning your figure. He's trying to see if anything looks or feels off with you, and so far, it doesn't.

San is careful as can be, he supposes.

"It is your class, Professor Jeong." He smiles a bit and nods.

"So, how was your weekend?" You yawn into your arm and shrug. 

"It was okay. I came back from a trip. Felt too short."

"Mm." Yunho hums. "Where'd you go, if you don't mind me asking?" He's eyeing your features as you sift through your notes.

"Just drove out a few hours with my mom." You avoid eye contact as you go through today's paper and prepare some discussion points for class.

"Oh." Yunho nods. "That sounds nice." His eyes land on your necklace and it looks too familiar— which is probably because he almost bought that same necklace for Iseul on Hiro this past weekend.

Maybe San isn't all that careful cause he swears he sees the faint hickey at the base of your neck from this angle. The longsleeve top you're wearing covers it for the most part, if you're paying attention.

"What about you?" You look at him and see that his eyes have landed on your necklace before they move up to meet your eyes.

"I was actually at Hiro for a couple of things, then went to the BAS conference for a bit." Your heart drops and suddenly, the room feels incredibly hot. You completely avoid eye contact with him now, sifting through your notes to finalize the discussion points for today. "I thought I saw you there with San."

"No?" Is all you manage to say, but it's enough for Yunho to catch onto everything.

"You weren't?" You look at him, and his expression is blank. All you can do is pretend to play it off and shake your head, hoping he'd let it go.

"Not me." Your response is barely above a whisper, and all Yunho can do is let out a breath. He knows.

"Y/N." His expression switches and you can see the concern on his face. "Can I ask—"

"Morning Professor Jeong and Y/N!" A student comes in and plops into his usual seat, followed by another student, and another. 

Thank god.

"Sorry, you were saying?" You look at him cluelessly, making him shake his head in response.

"Nothing. I'll let you take it from here." He gives you a small smile, eyes now glued onto the students ahead. You give them a few minutes, waiting for the stragglers to trickle in and get settled before you call their attention to the front and begin today's journal club paper discussion.

Yunho, for the most part, keeps to himself during class, chiming in when he wants to clarify a point or to encourage the class to bring more discussion to the table. Yunho thinks you're a great TA, and he sees that the students are comfortable with you. He hates that he's so conflicted because of many things: one, he's not sure entirely about the situation. Two, his gut feeling makes him feel sure but he doesn't know how to approach it. Three, he knows you're an incredibly bright and smart person— you'd get along with anyone and truly, he hasn't had any issues with you despite his last minute requests for classes or assignments.

Four, maybe he just needs to let this go and stop meddling.

Five, you would've known what you were getting into right?

But, he's reminded otherwise when class wraps up an hour and 15 minutes later— a brutal reminder otherwise. He sees you packing up and getting your things together, clinging onto your phone just as you grab your bag and sling it over your shoulder. As you turn on your heel, you almost collide straight into Iseul.

You look at her, and she looks at you.

Her eyes glaze over your features, landing on your neck, that necklace.

"Excuse—" You try to brush past her, but she gives you a small smile and steps in your way.

"Hi Y/N, how's class with Yunho been?" You look at her because you have never spoken a word to her, nor did you have a reason to. But, out of respect [especially on campus], you give her a faint smile before responding.

"Good." You simply respond as she nods.

"And how's your rotation with San? Sure he's been treating you well?" She tilts her head to the side, almost like she's mocking you. Almost like the answer is written all over your face, your neck; her eyes are there again and you can't help but tug up and adjust your top more.

"Very." 

"That's good to hear, I expected as much. He's pretty good about building relationships with his lab members." She gives you a small smirk before stepping aside, slowly making her way to Yunho behind you. He stands there, hand slipped into his pocket while he cocks his brow at her. You don't even take another moment to look at them, instead quickly walking out of the room to text San and make your way over to your next class of the day.

you: san.

san: uh oh. lol what did i do? 😅

you: no it's not that. ☹️

san: what is it, baby? do you wanna come into my office in a bit? i'm wrapping up at the faculty meeting.

you: no, it's okay. i just finished class with yunho and i think he knows. well, him and iseul.

san: what, why do you say that?

san: not like i care about what they have to say or whatever.

you: san, you should. 🫤

san: alright, i'm sorry. you're right. but what did they say, baby? do you wanna wait until i see you later?

you: yunho just said he thought he saw us at the BAS conference, but i know he did. his tone and look said so. he was just trying to get it out of me. and iseul.. i don't know. it was just weird.

san: we'll talk about this later tonight then, okay? it'll be okay. don't worry about them.

you: okay. 🥺 are you going to the happy hour thing?

san: wasn't planning on it but i know namjoon's text is gonna come sooner or later. going with your friends?

you: mhm. i'll see you later tonight if you don't go?

san: soooo long. wanna pop into my office in a bit? 

you: sannie. lol i'm headed to my next class then i'm going to meet up with jiung and them afterwards.

san: for 2 seconds. 😭

You playfully roll your eyes and smile as you text back, already walking over to class.

you: you're still wrapping up at the faculty meeting and i'm headed to class. i don't think we'll have 2 seconds, professor choi.

san: booooooo.

you: see you later. 😙

san: ☹️ mean.

You giggle to yourself, tucking your phone into your pocket as you head to class; forgetting the tense, awkward moments that just occurred between Yunho and Iseul.

"Why'd you have to do that, hm?" Yunho asks her, grabbing his bag from the floor before walking alongside of her.

"Was just trying to see how she'd react. I'm sure she didn't tell you anything about her trip?"

"No. Said she went away with her mom for the weekend, so." Iseul chuckles.

"Of course. Someone I know said they definitely saw San leaving with her at the conference. Kinda makes sense now, doesn't it?" She looks up at him. "Y/N folded when I mentioned him, her body language completely changed."

"Iseul." Yunho looks at her. "What are you trying to do here? All I was gonna do was ask her, not interrogate or attack her."

"I'm trying to get you to do the right thing. They're dating, Yunho. It's obvious. I saw the way she tugged on her top, too. I'm sorry but she's not slick." He sighs.

"I don't know, I don't wanna start this whole thing. What if it isn't even that serious, or what if we're completely wrong—"

"Everything about this is serious regardless of what angle you look at it. It's wrong." She says. "You don't have to talk to San, but I will. They need to know." He sighs heavily, no longer knowing how to respond to her about the whole issue.

You meet up with your friends outside in the middle of the Harvey Center courtyard, where all the activities are set up appropriately for the happy hour event taking place. They've got cornhole competitions set up on the lawn nearby, another station to decorate university tumblers, and another for quick but fun board games. They've got a bunch of pizza boxes sitting out on tables, beer and canned wine next to it. You and your friends help yourself to a few slices before grabbing your drinks of choice for the night. They've got string lights to add to the atmosphere, the evening being clear but chilly.

"Finally! We relax all together again!" Felix says, tapping his can against yours before you all drink and start to indulge in tonight's happy hour festivities. 

"Our baby's finally here, too!" Eunchae squeezes you, hugging you tightly and making you laugh as she clings onto your arm.

"I know, Y/N. You've been so MIA." Felix looks at you with his usual puppy eyes, bottom lip slightly poking out. "What's been going on?"

"I've been busy with the lab, honestly. Trying to put in as much work as I can before the rotation ends."

"It's like you're practically living there." Felix jokes.

"How come you haven't been working with Sunwoo, though? He said you've been on your own schedule and stuff." Jiung asks.

"We're just focusing on different aspects right now. Plus, I've been trying to help Belle out as much as I can, too."

"Okay but, make time for us, too. Live your life!" Eunchae preaches. "You're here with us now, so let's enjoy it." So, you do. You do exactly that with your friends and a bunch of other people who swung by from different departments. Today's happy hour event is the liveliest you've ever seen it— tons of friends and people swarming from different departments and areas just to take a break from everything and mingle.

You and your friends hang out with familiar and new faces, all of you sitting around and drinking while one half played games and the others talked about school, work. Life. San and his friends join eventually, talking to a few students as they hang around amongst themselves. You giggle to yourself seeing San put on a face cause it's obvious he's not entirely in the mood. But, he's here. So, are his friends; Professor Kim being the social butterfly out of them all, per usual.

"So, Y/N. Tell me about the stuff you've been doing in Professor Choi's lab. I heard you've been up to some crazy stuff from Sunwoo and Belle." Hae-jin, a postdoc in another lab, pulls his chair closer to yours and looks you in the eye. At first, the conversation is fun, it's lively. You're in good spirits conversing with the guy, laughing and poking fun at campus life and being a grad student vs. postdoc.

But, Hae-jin keeps drinking.

And he keeps drinking.

Then his true intentions start coming out and you're no longer having a good time talking to the guy.

A few people are drunk enough to start a fun little dance floor in the middle of the courtyard while the speakers blast music, Eunchae, Felix and Jiung also grabbing you to join them as you sing along to the song. You facetime call Jurin while she's away, letting her know much you miss her. The call ends after 5 minutes, Jurin sadly waving while she heads off to dinner with her parents for their anniversary celebration.

"I'm gonna grab some water." You tuck your phone in your pocket, heading straight to the water table nearby.

"I was looking for you, cute stuff!" Hae-jin throws his arm around you and you can smell the alcohol lingering on his breath. "Wanna dance?"

"No, I'm good, Hae-jin." You shrug him off and take another sip of water before tossing your cup. San is already on high alert from where he's standing— his attention nowhere on Namjoon, Jongho or Zara right now even though he's trying his hardest to keep it together.

The fuck was this guy doing?

"What, why? It's just for fun? Let's just go and hang out." He throws his arm around you again, this time bringing you flush to his body. You try to press off his chest, but he's strong and it isn't an easy fight.

"Hae-jin, stop—"

"What's wrong?" Luckily, Eunchae is already on her way over to save you, sensing your distress signal from afar.

"Hey, stop." Eunchae senses the way you stiffen and quickly become uncomfortable. "Leave her alone." Eunchae pushes Hae-jin back roughly. "You're drunk, dude. She said no."

"Aw come on, bestie trying to get in the way? I just thought we could have a dance. We were connecting, Y/N. Were we not?"

"Hae-jin, stop—No." His hand comes to your waist again. But, before Eunchae can even jump in, another familiar voice does:

"She said no." San steps in the middle, hand lightly pressed against his chest to create some distance. "Sure you understand what that means, right?" San's tone is laced with anger, but he's wearing a cocky smirk to cover it up. He's fuming and you know it.

"Professor Choi." You quietly say behind him with Eunchae still next to you, but he doesn't respond to it.

"San." Christopher is trying to hold him back by the shoulder, doing his best to reel him back in. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you. You do understand what no means, right?" San asks again, his voice louder as he shrugs off Chris.

"Wow, relax. I didn't think I was coming off that disrespectful. She seemed interested so I was only playing her game—" San steps forward and your heart drops to your ass because what the fuck does he think he's doing right now?

"Kinda looked like you were forcing yourself on her, though." San cocks his head to the side. "Dunno if that really counts as her being interested." 

"San. Bring it back." Chris repeats. "The hell do you think you're doing right now?" He mutters lowly.

"San." You help by calling for him again, causing Hae-jin to knit his brows in confusion [along with Eunchae and Chris]. His eyes dart from you, to San, back to you, before responding.

"And how does it make any better that you're getting all worked up over her, Professor? Care to fill us in—"Hae-jin smirks a bit, causing San to push him back by the chest aggressively. But, before Hae-jin can even react properly, he's interrupted.

"San!" It's not just your voice calling out for him; it's Jongho's, it's Namjoon's, it's Christopher's. Namjoon is quick to step in between, creating distance between Hae-jin and San, giving San a very, very stern look once he dismisses Hae-jin to the side. You faintly hear Namjoon tell him to leave if he still plans to stir trouble, in which his friend tugs him to the side and apologizes on his behalf before they leave the event all together. You watch as Namjoon, Chris and Jongho move San to the opposite end, San's eyes wandering to you as if Namjoon isn't in front of him trying to get to the bottom of things.

"The hell just happened? Are you guys okay?" Felix asks as him and Jiung come over after playing a competitive game of cornhole with another duo of grad students.

"Bro, Hae-jin was getting all handsy and wouldn't take no for answer." Eunchae rolls her eyes, keeping you by her side and brushing your hair back. "Fucking creep. I wish Professor Choi actually decked his ass."

"I saw him getting in the middle." Felix adds. 

"What's that about?" Jiung looks at you, but you don't really respond. You know he's not asking about Hae-jin. You know he's asking about San in particular.

"He deserved it, that's what. Being a whole dumbass with no boundaries. Learn how to control yourself, asshole!" She yells, hoping Hae-jin hears it even though him and his friends are all further away.

"I'm gonna head to the bathroom."

"Want me to come?" Eunchae asks and you shake your head.

"I'm good. Promise. Just needa break the seal again and take a little breather." Eunchae smiles a bit before squeezing and letting go of your hand. 

On the other hand, Namjoon and Jongho finally find a better spot to speak with San at. Chris is honestly confused about the whole situation, being that he's never seen San outwardly act out that way even throughout his bad days. Jongho, on the other hand, knows exactly why and he knew it from the moment Hae-jin started drinking more and getting close to you.

Maybe he should've helped calm him down. He knew San's attention was on you and no one else.

"San." Namjoon calls him again to bring his attention back to him. "I know damn well— what the hell are you doing putting your hands on a postdoc like that at a campus event?"

"He was getting disrespectful, I know you saw that."

"I did, but you could've handled it with a lot more grace, San. This isn't the time nor place to get worked up like that. You don't get into fights on campus as a professor."

"I'm sorry."

"Was that really all that triggered it? Is there something else going on?" San looks at the floor and shakes his head, jaw ticking as he tries to calm himself down.

"No sir. I shouldn't have reacted that way." Namjoon doesn't believe it one bit, but he won't add more fuel to the fire right now.

"I don't think he'll go crying to the dean so consider yourself lucky. Please don't pull that shit again around these students. Promise me. You've got enough to deal with as is." San sighs heavily and nods.

"You're right, I'm sorry, Joon." Namjoon just gives him a small nod before letting out a breath and walking off to the side.

"Are you okay? I've never seen you that angry." Chris asks, confused about why San reacted the way he did.

"Yeah." 

"Excuse us." Jongho says as he lightly pushes him by the shoulder, a little irritated at how incredibly stupid he's being. "Bro." He adds when he gets him alone. "What did I tell you?"

"He was putting his hands on her! I wasn't gonna let him disrespect her."

"Because she's your girlfriend?" Pause. 

"That's besides the point, Jongho. He wasn't taking no for an answer and was forcing himself onto her."

"You could've just asked him to leave. He would have listened if you had just approached it properly." San doesn't listen, though. Instead, he clicks his teeth and whips out his phone to text you because he doesn't see you anywhere. "San. Don't." Jongho warns him, trying to keep the peace and the suspicion down. "Can't you just talk to her later? Shit will not help your case if someone sees you two. Think about this."

san: baby, where are you? 

you: i'm going to the bathroom.

san: can you meet me behind the building, near the first, back west wing door?

you: is that a good idea?

san: really quickly. please.

you: i'll be there in a sec.

"Be right back." He looks at Jongho before walking into the building and out to the back door near the bathrooms. 

"San." Jongho calls for him again before clicking his teeth. This dude was gonna stress him the fuck out, no doubt.

"Jongho?" Namjoon looks at him and all he can do is shrug. 

"I really don't know what to tell you." Jongho and Namjoon's eyes travel around to see if everyone is still looking at the scene. "Whatever it is, it isn't my story to tell, Joon."

"Is everything okay?" Zara cuts in, concerned about San. She also witnessed the entire thing go down and unfortunately, it's just another reminder, another confirmation, of your relationship with him. It still aches her heart, even though a tiny part of her is selfishly holding onto hope that they'd work out in the end.

Not you two.

"Yeah, should be." Namjoon gives her a small smile. "Don't worry about it. He's just having an off night." Iseul and Yunho are quietly observing from the opposite end of the courtyard, still mid-discussion with other colleagues. They do try to bring their attention back to the discussion and away from San thankfully; however, Yunho knows Iseul definitely won't let it go at this point.

After you head to the bathroom, you wash your hands and fix your hair a bit, hands slightly shaking from the entire encounter. You take a few deep breaths before heading out towards the back door of the west wing, which is only a few steps away from the bathroom area on the first floor. As soon as you step outside, San is there with his hands in his pockets. He immediately pulls you in for a hug, one that you don't reciprocate, especially because you're on campus. You gently push him back and shake your head, bottom lip slightly poking out in a pout.

"Baby—"

"Not here." You softly say. There's a small pause before you let out a sigh and address the elephant in the room. "San, you didn't have to do that."

"Well, the hell was I supposed to do? Let him touch you without your consent? He was making you uncomfortable, Y/N. Over my dead fuckin' body—"

"Can't you think for a second? You're on campus!"

"I don't get why you're upset with me for just trying to protect you."

"There were better ways to do it."

"Angel." He says in defeat. "I'm sorry. I'm not gonna sit back and let someone disrespect you like that. Namjoon will be fine—"

"It's not even that, it's everyone else—"

"So be it! For all I fucking care." 

"San, stop saying that." 

"No, why? Are you really upset with me?" He cuts in and asks, almost caging you in while he looks at you softly. It's taking everything in you to not just kiss him right here, right now. Wrap your arms around him, tell him to forget every little fucking thing because all that matters is you and him; on that us against the world type shit—

"Y/N?" You turn when you hear the door pop open and another figure is in your peripherals. Jiung is there, confused about the two of you being together. 

In the back.

San's face, body, in close proximity to yours.

Both of your expressions are telling.

"What're you doing? I thought you were going to the bathroom?" San steps back, attention shifting towards his feet. 

"I'll talk to you later." Is all he says before brushing past you and Jiung, back to Jongho in the main courtyard.

"Jiung." You come towards him. "You didn't have to come looking for me." You brush past him to head back to the courtyard, and Jiung can't help but keep his eyes on San for a second longer before he's coming after you and grabbing your wrist.

Fuck, San thinks. This whole night is so fucked up. He doesn't even know if you're mad at him or not.

He doesn't know what this means.

"Y/N, don't you think we should talk?"

"About what?"

"Stop." He swings you around to face him. "That's enough. What the hell is going on with you and Professor Choi?"

"Jiung—"

"I know you haven't been telling the truth, so please stop. Be honest with me, that's all I ask." You sigh shakily, bottom lip trembling as you fiddle with your fingers. Jiung knew, and tonight probably solidified everything he had questioned, felt, assumed. There was no getting away from it, not from Jiung. 

"We've been seeing each other." His eyes widen in surprise.

"So, Sunwoo wasn't lying when he said he didn't see you during the NAS conference." You feel the tears pricking at your lids as you shake your head. "You were with him." He lets out a breath. "Who else knows?"

"No one else. Please don't mention it to them cause I'm not ready to do that talk with them yet." He doesn't even answer, but the next question throws you so off-guard you don't even know how to properly react.

"D-did Professor Choi force you into this? Is he making you do stuff in order to secure your spot in his lab? Y/N, if he's—" You step back and look at him disbelief.

"W-what? That's the first thing you thought of?" Now, it's his turn to look at you in disbelief because how is he supposed to know? He sees the surface level of it and obviously, everything about it is wrong.

"He's a professor, Y/N. Not just any, but yours. Your rotation PI."

"I know it seems wrong, but that's not what it is at all."

"Seems wrong? It is." He flatly says. "This could literally fuck up everything for the both of you. Did you not think about that?"

"I'm not stupid, Jiung. I knew what I was getting into." You back up. "And why would you think of him that way? He'd never do that."

"How am I supposed to know? I know him as a professor—"

"Well, he would never do that."

"I'm sorry? I'm just worried and am making sure you're okay as your friend."

"I told you it was fine. It's not like that and we both agreed on this."

"Okay?" Jiung retorts, hurt by the defensive tone you have.

"I'm just gonna say bye to everyone and head back."

"I can walk—"

"It's fine."

"Why are you hella angry with me?" Jiung stops you again. "You can't actually be angry at me for caring about you."

"I don't need you to do that, Jiung. And I don't need you to start assuming all this shit about me and Professor Choi. You don't know him, and you obviously don't know me if you think I'm someone who could be forced around like that."

"That was not even my point, I was just—"

"Whatever." You say, brushing him off as you walk towards your friends and start gathering your things.

"You're leaving!?" Eunchae pouts. "Fucking Hae-jin and his kill-joy ass!"

"I'm just tired, is all. You stay and have fun, okay?"

"You sure? I can walk you—"

"Please. I promise. Have fun." You reassure her before saying your goodbyes to the rest of the group and walking off. 

"Is she okay? Did something happen between her and Professor Choi?" Felix cocks up a brow. "Is there something going on?"

"Nah." Jiung says, plopping down onto a chair. It's easy to see he's defeated, and it's easy to pick up on the mood change. Eunchae and Felix quietly sit around, sipping on the last bits of their drinks before setting the cans aside and scrolling through social media to talk about random things—

Just to let the weirdness pass.

On the other hand, San can see you from where he's standing and he feels his stomach drop. He doesn't wanna see you walk alone, he doesn't wanna be this way with you, he doesn't want Jiung to get upset or make things worse for you.

He doesn't know what to do.

"Maybe we should head out." Jongho chimes in, watching San text away.

"In a sec."

san: y/n, don't walk alone. where are your friends?

you: staying behind.

san: you want me to pick you up?

you: no. i think i should stay home.

san: baby, we need to talk about this.

you: and it won't be tonight. i think we both just need to step back and take a breather, okay? too many things happened and i just need to be in my own space.

san: did you and jiung fight?

you: i'll talk to you later.

san: baby, come on.

Because it's true— this was getting sloppier and even though you could care less, you needed to think. Do better. Be better about this with San.

Though, you're scared and you know it's about to unravel quick. Tonight definitely didn't help that case whatsoever.

You just needed a moment away from everyone.

—read 10.5 here

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thechaotictheoryy @vixensss @santineez @nopension @domfikeluva @in-somnias-world @my-atiny-kookie-rkive @mountiiny @naoristerling @onmymymyway @thecutiepieme

[memestrider2]

40k Nsfw Alphabet: Jago Sevetarion x F! Reader

By popular demand, here is a nsfw alphabet for everyone's favourite Night Lord captain. Please enjoy!

Minors dni. Smutty goodness under the cut

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

When it comes to aftercare, Jago goes on quite the character arc throughout his relationship with you. In the beginning l, he sees it as a waste of time. He doesn't understand how or why it is important, and when you first ask him for it, his knee-jerk reaction is to scoff at you.

However, Jago is not as closed minded and you or he thinks. See, Jago loves you. What he feels for you is unlike anything he's ever felt for any baseline human he's ever encountered, including those he's had as slaves or serfs. As such, your wants and needs actually carry weight for him. Not only does he find that he can't brush them off; he doesn't want to. And so, one night, after you two have had your way with each other, as you go to stand to clean yourself up Jago quite literally pushes you back down and orders, "Stay. Let me, this time."

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Your neck. More specifically, the hollow of your throat, where your neck connects to your collarbones. He loves pressing his hand there to feel your racing pulse. To nibble and nip at your skin. Strong enough to sting a little, but never enough to break your skin.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Jago is messy. He loves the sight of his seed plastered all over you. But it's no double standard: he loves the reverse as well; having his fingers, lips and chin slick with your arousal.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Jesus Joseph and Mary. You wanna know Jago Sevetarion's dirty secret? Really???

Honestly, nothing I write could do such a thing justice. So, I'm gonna leave it as reader's choice: think of the dirtiest possible secret a man like Jago could have, multiply the dirtiness by Pi squared, and you'll have it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Jago is experienced in sex; he's taken consorts and concubines before. But he's not experienced in making love, if you catch my drift. In the kind of sex that satisfies his soul just as much as his body. That means that, for him, the first time he share a bed with you feels like losing his virginity for the first time all over again.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I genuinely don't see Jago have one position he prefers over the rest. So long as he's either balls deep inside you or going down on you, he's happy.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Jago tends more towards humourous, but not overly so. Sex is a fun thing for him and he's going to express that with a few quips or jokes, but he's not goofy nor is he gonna take the mick. Also, when it comes to expressing how he feels about you, he is always deadly DEADLY serious.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Scruffy, to put it simply. That said, though, as part of your "taming" him (lol), he might give himself a trim and a groom for your benefit.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

This goes about the same as A, except with way WAY more angst and emotional turmoil on Jago's part. At first, he understands intimacy as a concept, but he is against it, seeing it as a form of weakness. But as his feelings for you deepen into love, he's forced to not only confront the fact that, if he wants to keep you, he is going to have to be intimate, but the fact that he's craving being intimate with you, too. This transitional period is gonna be rough: Jago is feeling confused and threatened, and as such he may be liable to lash out at you (verbally, never physically, remember Jago would never hurt you). But with a bit of time (and a firm, yet supportive hand from you) he'll get himself it together. Once that happens, Jago becomes an almost entirely different man. He cultivates this gentle, genuine and loving version of himself that only you ever get to see. He will hold you, cuddle you, ravish you with kisses. He lift you on top of him and embrace you around the waist while one hand rests upon your head, letting you be lulled to sleep by the twin beating of his hearts.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Jago sees it as a necessary evil needed to keep himself sane. Honestly, when he feels the need to satisfy himself, he'd rather just seek you out. Every time. No matter where he is or what he's doing. Because nothing compares to you. Not just your body, but... Well but you. But of course, sometimes he's deployed somewhere away from the flagship and away from you. And other times, you are not feeling up to sex. So, Jago makes do.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Controversial take, and not necessarily a kink, but I could see Jago being into playing the role of a sub during sex. Once he accepts the truth of the love he feels for you, once he trusts both you and himself enough, he may want try giving into those feelings totally. Be totally and utterly vulnerable. Life as a Night Lord doesn't allow him to be, and until you he's never had anyone he's felt safe or comfortable enough to be anything less than a terrifying warrior around.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Jago doesn't have a favourite place to do the do. Bed, couch, the dirty ass floor, he doesn't care. He does quite like it when there's a wall he can pin you against, though. Again, though, where that wall is, he doesn't care.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Brattiness, sass and defiance from you. He loves seeing fire in your eyes. Loves it when you "struggle" against him, when you try to "fight him off."

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything that causes you genuine harm or distress. Brattiness and play fighting is one thing, but if you are genuinely feeling unsafe or frightened, or if there is the chance that you might get hurt, it turns Jago off faster than anything.

Also, sharing. After being with you, he doesn't ever want to sleep with anyone else. No one else could ever satisfy him, and you're the only one he trusts to see him vulnerable, too.

And omg Lord forbid someone else tries to lay hands on you, especially one of his brothers. Possessiveness is part of this, but mostly it is protectiveness. The only person Jago trusts to take care of you during sex is Jago.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.).

He's got no preference between giving and receiving, but when it comes to giving, he's got a lot of skill. He's also very... shall we say aggressive? Let's just say when he's going down on you there's a damned good chance you're gonna finish fast, be overstimulated and be aching the next morning.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and rough is Jago's automatic go-to; he's a predator by nature, and it's hard to let that go. But, as he grows more comfortable with intimacy and romance, he becomes better at, and comes to enjoy, taking sex slower and more sensually.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.).

Jago is totally down for quickies. Especially right before or right after missions. He won't even take his armour off: just the cod piece and helmet.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Absolutely! Oh my Emperor, absolutely. So long as it's nothing involving anything from section N, Jago is 100% game.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Jago has super human, space marine stamina. That said though, it takes some time for him to figure out how to actually make use of that stamina rather than burning himself out in the first couple rounds.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Jago doesn't own toys, and it is a point of pride for him that you don't, either. Why would you? You've got Sevetar himself as your lover.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Jago is absolutely a tease, but only when you two are alone. If you are both in the presence of his brothers, then he won't feel it is safe to partake in such playfulness. If you are both in the presence of mortals, such as the flagship's crew or his serfs, then he will feel the need to maintain the image of the inhuman, nightmare-fuel astartes warrior.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Jago is not a shy man; he makes a loud of noise. Grunts, growls, roars, and everything else in between.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves it when you finger his neural ports. They're like tiny erogenous zones scattered all across his body. The ones on his back are his favourites: when he's on top and you're beneath him, it drives him nuts when you claw your finger nails into the ports that run down his spine and are embedded into his traps.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Beneath his endless layers of battle and surgical scars, Jago has the body of a lean, well-built Astartes. Below the belt, he's big and girthy, even for a space marine.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

During day-to-day, Jago has an above-average sex drive, but not extremely so. If he has been away for you for an extended period of time, say while deployed on a mission, for the next few weeks following that his sex drive will be way WAY up as he tries to make up for lost time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Jago isn't much of a sleeper normally, and that doesn't change after sex. Through sheer attrition you will always fall asleep before him, if he even falls asleep at all.

@yanagikou @solspina @yurihasurunbara @wolf-feathers12 @sinistermojo @beckyninja @moodymisty

[why-am-i-so-bad-at-being-good]

The narrative Grian drives in his episodes is actually INSANE because he frequently makes himself appear guilty and a team killer as rightly said but I'm willing to die on the hill that Grian is nothing but loyal till given reason to be otherwise. (Personal opinion, ofc)

Third life doesn't even need any explanation for this. There was no option other than for him to kill Scar or to die. Grian might be loyal, but he isn't the type to give up the win either.

Last life had Grian kill Mumbo and Jimmy but yep, both tried killing him, Jimmy punching Grian onto a primed trapdoor (if I remember correctly) and Mumbo trying to blow up Grian using an end crystal. They were red names, so as Grian always said, all previous alliances were void to him, so killing them didn't feel like an act of disloyalty.

Now double life is such a delicious series fr. You see Grian cheating on Scar with BigB, a clear act of disloyalty. But Scar isn't absolutely innocent either. All through the series, prior to Grian giving BigB the cookies, Scar was never onboard the ideas of them being soulmates, outrightly asking if it was necessary for them to base together, never listening to Grian even when repeatedly told. Basically, Scar never spoke Grian's language, and Grian decided that he needed a better ally who would be more useful than Scar. And who better to ally with than the player who gave Grian steak while Scar was taking huge chunks of damage?

As for Grian killing BigB... After BigB turns red, Grian is unsure of their alliance, which is further confirmed when BigB asks for things from Grian and Grian has to accept it to ensure that he isn't killed by BigB instead. (Also Grian technically wasn't expecting to get a kill from the dripstone which was evident from his exclamation and he hadn't taken into account that BigB would die if Ren was killed but that's another story)

Limited life had Grian pair up with Jimmy and Joel. Other than the accidental button push and the ladder incident, Grian had no direct hand in killing his teammates. None of the previous kills were acts out of malicious intent, and he even offered Joel to kill him AFTER Joel had already killed him once for time. And only after both of them died did he change alliances and become a nosy neighbor.

Secret life Grian was mostly alone till he found Etho and Cleo, and he was most definitely loyal to them till the end. He fought alongside Cleo, devising the Nether Portal escape, making the TNT trap and making it a manual one to ensure that the trap actually worked, while putting himself in danger's way. What a madlad. That's loyalty right there.

Wild life had Grian pair up with Mumbo and Skizz, and my god, from Mumbo's pov Grian looked like the shadiest teammate ever, running off whenever he got the chance. But in fact it was the absolute opposite. Grian helped in securing the enchanter, setting up the tnt trap for skizz which killed him and Mumbo, making the tower to help his friends get kills, sometimes using insider knowledge to help them too.

He also allies with Scar, giving him the mace in exchange for allyship (something which he didn't have to do, but he did because he hates dirty kills) and actually followed through it till the end.

When Mumbo dies, his grief is immeasurable. He extends the water below the tower, improves the tnt trap on the tower. None of this is enough however to keep Skizz alive and he falls to his death. Here, Grian immediately turns to Martyn to ask if he would ally with him, and this was just a funny bit between them (which Grian later addresses and apologizes to Skizz for, lol)

And finally, Grian's alliance with Gem and Joel was rock solid. It was the whole server against them, and Grian helped Joel with his teleporting powers (Joel didn't need help but Grian didn't know that lmao) and even helped eliminate some of Joel's foes. In the final fight between the two, it's the same as Third life. Grian wasn't going to go down without a fight, so he absolutely tried to win. (He isn't Scott, after all.) But before that, he was loyal to the end.

All in all, TLDR is that Grian is a loyal teammate who simply takes on the blame for a lot of things very silently and very easily and does not retaliate because he himself absolutely believes that he is guilty of it when he's mostly not. (Unreliable narrator fr)

Thinking about how Grian is seen as the prime example of a "team killer" and "traitor" in the series.

Grian kills Scar in a 1v1 and it's the beginning of a pattern of 'disloyalty' (didn't scar kill pearl in much the same way seasons later?)

Grian kills Mumbo and Jimmy and it's a betrayal (they weren't even allies at this point, of course, and those two repeatedly tried to trap him first)

Grian kills BigB as collateral in a trap against Ren without thinking about it (of course, players have certainly killed allies more directly. the season before featured multiple full on betrayals from desperate boogeymen.)

Grian's allies both die, and it's his fault for not giving them more time (what is it etho said before killing his ally directly for time? "i wish you were better at the game"?)

Grian's allies die, and it's his fault, for having a bad plan, or for mis-stepping, or for not being there (him and everyone else, maybe)

Mumbo walks right into a bomb, Skizz stands exposed on a ledge for twenty minutes, it's Grian's fault for building the tower they died in (etho shoots scott. tango kills bdubs.)

Every season Grian "causes" the ultimate death of his team, or at least, he's said to. And every season other players do the same. Do worse. But Grian is still disloyal, flighty, dangerous. A traitor. A team killer. Not just to the fans, but often to himself as well. That's fascinating to me.

[reignpage]

hi reign!!! loved today’s posts! and I did peep the “more perv! Choso” 👀🤩

question, how would the jerk men *in Eden au not canon* react to reader faking an orgasm?

have I asked this before or do I think about it so much but it feels like it does? 😭 if I have, please ignore this reign!

much love! 💕💕

ps: who’s your bts bias??? 👀👀👀

Yes yes I have it saved in my drafts and I’m just wondering if it’s too weird in a not good way and more funny instead of sexy lol

Gojo:

Would devastate him omg he’d actually die like he’d pull out and crawl up in a corner, rocking himself back and forth butt naked

Imagine fumbling a goth princess baddie

If she’s not in a mood, he visibly relaxes, lying on the floor dick pointing up and smiles at her gummy and toothy, says that’s perfectly fine and he’s actually really hungry

If she’s playing a prank, he becomes playfully competitive, resuming the sex and challenging her to not cum as he does everything he can to make her do so

Geto:

Concerned and guilty

Maybe he pushed too hard, hurt her accidentally or something and she felt the need to end it sooner to placate him

He’ll pause the scene, get her some water, and they’ll talk about it, reassure her that he never needs to fake anything with him

If she’s just not in a mood, then he reminds her of the rules, that she has the power to stop whenever she wants

If she’s playing a prank, she gets punished, maybe with some edging, that this way she won’t be able to fake an orgasm because she can’t have one

Choso:

Confused to the max. That wasn’t her usual body movements, her moans sounded exaggerated, she didn’t clench down like usual.

He’ll stop mid stroke and ask what’s wrong, if he hurt her or did something wrong

Maybe gets a little sad and ashamed if the thinks he failed

If it’s because she isn’t in the mood, then he’ll smile and kiss her, tells her it’s okay and they can watch a movie or go paint something to relax

If it’s a prank, he pouts, gets moody with her and she has to coax him back with a reward like he gets to do whatever he wants or something

Toji:

‘The fuck?’ 🤨

Interrogates her on why she’s faking shit. Do she think he’s stupid? That he wouldn’t notice? Fuck’s all the acting for?

If it’s cause she can’t, then he’ll roll his eyes playfully, tickling her and says shoulda just said so ma, coulda watched a fucking movie or something

If it’s a prank, she gets punished with more orgasms than one person could possibly stomach in one night

‘Wanna play games, yeah? Here. Ya. Fucking. Go.’

Nanami:

Concerned

Sighs and pauses, asks her what’s wrong, why she felt the need to life, why she didn’t feel she could express her feelings to him

If it’s because she just can’t get off or she’s not in the mood, he’ll stop no matter how hard he still is, and get tucked into bed, prioritising her wellbeing before anything else

If it’s a prank, he sighs again and tells her off for stressing him out. Then they continue

Sukuna:

Doesn’t give a fuck. Knowing reader, it’s another game of hers, to make him feel like he can’t pleasure her, and well he knows he can, so he ignores her games and just takes what he needs, forcing a real orgasm out of her eventually, one way or another

If reader is genuinely not in a mood, then he’d never have a chance to lay a hand on her anyways. All she has to do is fix him a look and then he’s grumbling and sorting it out himself

If reader is indeed playing a game, then she’s in for a rough time just as she had intended the whole time

[witchygagirlwrites]

Broken Bonds-Part 22

Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader, Jay Halstead x Reader

Jay finds out what happened between you and Mouse. You have to figure out your footing moving forward and what to do next.

Warnings: mentions of cheating, sexual acts, cursing

A/N: yall trust me it does actually end happy lol

Jay called you a little after five to see if you and Addy wanted to go out for supper. You were currently sitting on the floor with her, playing with her toys. You watched her for a second before saying “I’m not really feeling up to going out but if you want to take her you know you’re always welcomed to” he was quiet for a moment before saying “It’s not a big deal sweetheart, maybe tomorrow if you’re up to it. Do you need anything?” 

You rolled your bottom lip between your teeth as your fingers found the dog tags hanging from your neck, a wave of guilt washing over you as memories of Mouse’s hands on your body the night before hit you. You didn’t regret it, you would never regret any moment spent in his arms but the reality was you cheated on Jay. Right or wrong, that was the reality and your only hope was to keep him from finding out until after Mouse was in Georgia so maybe you could contain the situation slightly.

“No, I’m good” you replied after a moment and he let out a breath “Ok, give Addy a kiss for me” then hung up. You stared at the phone for a moment before laying it down next to you. You picked it back up and reread the text Mouse had sent you just an hour before I love you, just wanted to remind you of that you felt tears spring to your eyes. What were the chances of Jay not figuring it out? Hell three days ago you’d told him you loved him then you spent friday night in Mouse’s arms.

Addy reached for your leg so you sat the phone down, completely forgetting both men in favor of your baby girl. You scooped her up with a smile. “Hey baby” she made a ma sound and picked at the chain of the dog tags around your neck.You laughed and ran a hand over her curls. “Let’s go out, just me and you” you needed to clear your head and concentrate on what mattered which was her. She smiled, drooling a little and you felt your heart flip. She was the one who had your whole heart. You would figure out the rest tomorrow. Tonight you just wanted her.

Sunday morning your wakeup was when your phone went off with a text from Stella Can we get breakfast? You ran a hand down your face, cutting your eyes at the alarm clock to see it was a little before eight. Yeah, something up? You pushed your blanket off and swung your legs out of the bed before she texted back No, I just want updates and to know if I’m gonna need to intervene with anything up until thursday

You laughed lightly and texted back My hero. We’ll meet you in forty ma’am you tossed your phone down on the bed and decided to get yourself dressed before waking Addy up. 

You picked a pair of cutoffs with a thin shirt and your favorite sneakers. It was still pretty freaking hot most days. You turned in front of the mirror, the dog tag chain apparent because you’d yet to take them off besides when you showered. 

___________________

You were headed out of the door towards your jeep when your phone started chiming with texts. Considering she was on your hip along with your purse and her diaper bag you couldn’t check them until you got her loaded into her seat and you were around and buckled. 

You clicked on the first message which was from Mouse Have a good day I love you  you smiled and sent back I love you too

You clicked the next message and your smile dropped, your heart twisting because it was from Jay Sweetheart, we need to talk. Call me when you can you stared at that text and for the first time in a long time you took the coward's way out and dropped your phone into your purse. You couldn’t face him. Fuck, what were you supposed to do? You loved Mouse. You were happy to have him home and have the chance but you had to rip Jay’s heart out to do so and that man had been nothing but perfect to you. 

You blinked back tears and started your engine. Stella, you needed Stella.

_______________

You sat across from Stella, Addy in her arms as she listened to you. “So you stayed with him friday night?” you nodded “I ended up going to his room about eight thirty? I got home about seven thirty” she let out a low whistle “So you two had a reunion” 

You felt your face warm at her tone. “I mean, Stel, if it was Kelly and you had another chance to be in his arms..wouldn’t you take it?” she nodded “Of course. Sweetie, I know how in love you and Greg have always been. That man has never fallen out of love with you even when you were about to explode with Addy, knowing she belonged to his best friend he still worshiped the ground you walked on. That’s all I ask for” “But?” you asked and she shook her head “No but. You know me, I have your back on anything and everything. Me and Kelly are having dinner with Greg tomorrow night”

You raised an eyebrow and she smiled “I want to make sure he’s in earnest about this. I don’t want you getting hurt again. He has your heart and I just want to be certain you have his” you nodded “Being in his arms again, it felt like being home” she reached across the table and squeezed your hand gently “Then I support you” you dropped your gaze to your hands “But now I have to tell Jay that I cheated on him”

When she didn’t say anything you slowly raised your eyes to see she was playing with Addy’s hair with one hand and watching you with the other “I can be there? I can be waiting in the wings, I can keep her that night. Whatever you need” “Thank you Stel. I swear I never meant to fuck my life up this much” she shook her head “Bite your tongue woman.You’re my little sister. I’ll do anything you need me to. As for you fucking your life up?  I can’t blame those two idiots for being head over heels for you, you’re amazing”

You laughed lightly “I don’t feel amazing. Plus if they end up hating each other how do I make things work for her?” she shrugged “You always have me and Kelly” you smiled “I know. Now let's eat, if you’re off today we can take her to the zoo as long as intelligence doesn’t get called in”

She shrugged one shoulder “What if we called Jay to come? That way you’re not freezing him out but I’m there as a buffer so it’s nothing weird and maybe it’ll keep things from blowing up until thursday” you nodded “Ok” 

You pulled your phone out and texted Jay Me and Stella are taking Addy to the zoo in about an hour. You wanna go? It didn’t take him long to text back Sure. I’ll meet you three there

_______________

You stood with Stella next to your jeep. Addy was in her stroller. You spotted Jay’s truck pull into the lot and she slipped her arm into yours “You’re shaking honeybee. Calm down” you shot her a smile “Thank you” she nodded “Of course”

He parked a few places down from you then climbed out. He was wearing the same thing he’d worn on the fourth of july. His pendant dangling loosely. You smiled when he met your eyes “Hey” he smiled “Hey” then he turned his attention to Addy, squatting in front of her stroller to grab her hand “Hey baby” she started babbling the moment she heard him and reaching for him.

He cut his eyes up at you “Can we ditch the stroller? I can carry her through here” you shrugged “Sure” he unbuckled her and picked her up, a genuine smile slipping onto his face when she grabbed a tiny handful of his shirt. That baby had always owned his heart. Stella shot you a look as you opened the back of your jeep to return the stroller. 

He waited for you to get the stroller squared away then looked at Addy, tickling her stomach “Tell mommy and aunt Stella to come on. We’re gonna go see some lions, yeah” you shook your head “She doesn’t just have to see the predators Jay” Stella laughed “She is a product of the two of you though”

You laughed “Well damn Stel,thanks for that rousing endorsement” Jay raised his hand and for a second you thought he was going to reach for yours but he pointed towards the gate “Well let’s go see what she likes and settle the debate once and for all”

________________

The three of you spent about three hours wandering around the zoo until Addy fell asleep on Jay’s shoulder. When you noticed you made your way back to your jeep and he eased her down into her seat and buckled her in. 

Stella stood back, watching the two of you closely. “Sweetheart, can we talk?” he asked and you nodded “Yeah, about what?” his eyes flickered from your eyes down your face a little then back up “Just about some things. Doesn’t have to be today. Just in the next few days” “Ok” you replied and he nodded then leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your temple “I love you” 

He walked away without waiting for a response. Stella walked up next to you and looked at his retreating back “Does he already know?” you shook your head “I don’t think so” “I think he may suspect something” she replied and you felt your stomach knot.

_______________________

When you got home that night after Addy was in bed you sat down in the living room and hit Mouse’s number in your phone. He answered on the second ring. “Hey” you smiled just hearing his voice “Hey” 

“What’s wrong?” he asked and you cursed the fact that he knew you so damn well that just hearing one damn word he could pick out your mood. “So much” He was quiet for a moment before saying “Is this where you say you regret it?” you felt your heart crumple at how broken he sounded. “Never, Greg I meant it. You’re the love of my life. The one made for me” you could hear him take a breath before he asked “Then why do I hear a but in your voice?”

You took a deep breath “I fucked up again. I made love to you which was amazing and god I missed it so much and I love you so much but I didn’t break things off with Jay” “Oh baby” he cooed and you felt tears spring to your eyes at how gentle he was talking to you. Why the hell did they both have to take such gentle approaches with you?

“I want to see you” you whispered. “Just tell me when and where. I’ll make it happen” he replied and you smiled “I have to meet Jay for drop off at the daycare in the morning but then I have like a thirty minute period before I have to be in”

“I’ll see you then baby” he replied and a smile slipped onto your face “I love you Greg” “I love you too” 

You pulled into the daycare parking lot and parked next to Jay’s truck. He got out and was already unbuckling Addy by the time you were around the jeep to his side. You watched as he smiled down at her “Hey baby girl. Daddy missed you” you felt more guilt hit you because since wednesday of the previous week he’d gone from spending most nights with her to only seeing her one night.

“You know she can stay with you more if you want Jay” you offered as the two of you walked towards the door of the daycare. He nodded “I know. I also know you have nightmares and like looking in on her to calm down from them” you felt a smile barely slip onto your face. 

_______________

After you walked out from signing Addy in you headed for your jeep but Jay stopped you with one hand on your wrist “Can we talk?” you nervously twisted your ring “I gotta stop somewhere on the way to work” he nodded “Ok, later?” “Later” you replied with a smile, trying to ignore how sad his eyes looked.

____________

You and Mouse had grabbed a coffee and were now walking by the waterfront.You just needed a breather and to be near him. His hand was dangling loosely between the two of you so you grabbed it, squeezing gently and saw a smile slip onto his face “What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?” he asked, cutting his eyes at you.

You smiled, stopping to push his hair out of his face “For one, I’m so gonna miss your hair when it has to get cut” he grinned at your touch “I can always grow it back out for you baby” you laughed lightly “I’ve missed hearing you call me that” “I’ve missed calling you that” he replied, his hands going to your waist to pull you closer to him. You braced your hands on his chest and smiled up at him as he said “Talk to me, really”

You took a deep breath “I’ve got to tell him Greg. I was with him up until you got home. That morning I woke up in the bed with him and told him I loved him” you could tell that hurt him but he swallowed the emotion the moment he showed it “What do you want here baby?”

You picked at the collar of his t-shirt “You. I never stopped loving you for one minute. He knew that even when I told him I’d fallen for him I let him know I hadn’t fallen out of love with you and probably never would. He accepted it. I just..I never wanted to hurt him either. Jay has been such a good man to me, in every way. He is the best father to Adeline and I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want to lose that bond because I do love him Greg just not like I love you”

He nodded slowly, eyes not meeting yours “Are you gonna keep sleeping with him too?” “What?” you let your shock bleed into your voice as his eyes flew back to yours “Greg, do you think so little of me?” he shook his head “Baby I didn’t mean it like that…hell you could tell me you planned to and it wouldn’t change anything on my end..I belong to you..well and thoroughly” he touched the chain around your neck “You have my heart entirely, anyone else’s body just wouldn't’ feel right under me. If you wanted him, so be it”

“I want you, the only reason I’m letting you leave Chicago is because you’ve gotta go to training” you teased, pulling him into a kiss. He smiled against your lips “I love you so damn much” “I love you too” you replied once you leaned back. He took a deep breath “Your sister and her husband are interrogating me tonight” you grimaced “Sorry?”

He shrugged “Isn’t the first time Stella has promised to kill me” you laughed “See? That’s why I love you. You don’t even blink in the eye of my sister’s wrath” he winked at you “Oh baby believe me I just have a good poker face. She gets scary over you” You shook your head “Sorry?” he shrugged “I’ll be ok. Are you gonna be ok? If this with Jay is too much right now we can cool it until I get back. Baby you know I’m not going to want anyone else. I’ll come home to you then we’ll handle it”

You shook your head “I think he already knows so it’s a little too late. I’mjust so sick of hurting everyone no matter what I do” he slipped his arms around you to pull you against his chest “It’s ok sweetheart” you shook your head “It’s really not. You and Jay both should hate me”

He pulled back to look you in the eye and gave you one of those smiles you loved “We never did listen to what we should do anyways” you shook your head and looked at the time “I gotta get to work” he nodded “Yes ma’am. I’ll see you later”

 “Come on, show me something” you whispered, trying to get a hit on the partial the camera had picked up from a crime scene. Jay walked into the room behind you “Got anything?” you shook your head “Not yet” 

He came to stand next to you, staring at the screen. You felt one of his hands on the back of the chair, thumb gracing your back right where the dog tag chain was. “Can I come over tonight? I wanna see Addy and we can talk” you knew there was no more avoiding it so you nodded “Ok”

He nodded “Ok” about that time a ding chimed through the room and your eyes lit up “I think we got something”

“I’ll get everyone down to roll up” he offered with a nod.

______________

You stood between Kevin and Jay, waiting for Voight to call it. “Hit it” rang over the coms. “CHICAGO PD” rang out from every direction as doors were kicked in. One woman came running out swinging a bat. Jay ducked, grabbing the bat with one hand. You instinctively ducked under his arm that held the bat and punched her in the side to force her to drop the bat.

When it clattered to the floor she tried to swing with her other hand to hit him so you spun, catching her with an elbow to the face. She went down so you pulled your cuffs and flipped her to her stomach “Don’t know what your original charge would’ve been sweetheart but you just earned assault on an officer” you cut your eyes up at Jay “You good?” he nodded “She didn’t get a chance to lay a hand on me” 

Kevin winked at you “Go ahead lil mama” before moving further into the house. You passed her to a uniform before joining the rest of the unit.

______________

Once the final arrests were made everyone headed back to the precinct to start paperwork and final interviews. You wanted to handle the bitch that tried to ping Jay with a freaking bat but Hank called it a conflict of interest and passed it to Hailey leaving you a five ten drug dealer named Barney.

It didn’t take long to break Barney so you finished the report on him and began to help anyone else that needed it. You were at your desk when Jay walked through the bullpen. He stopped just in front of your desk “Thank you” you raised an eyebrow “For what?” he motioned towards the holding cells so you shrugged “A woman tried to hurt you Jay. Kind of my job to get you home to Addy” 

He smiled slightly “Was pretty smooth moves, gotta admit” you grinned “Yeah, it’s one a couple rangers taught me from training with them in the gym once upon a time” he laughed “They may be assholes but at least they did something right by making sure you can protect yourself” he tapped your desk then walked off.

Stella had already snuck you a photo of Mouse and Kelly at dinner and from the looks of it those two were getting along well enough. You knew she was laying the law down and Kelly would never repeat anything that he heard, that man worshiped your sister. You adored him simply for that.

When your phone rang around seven you knew it was Jay. He’d timed it so Addy would have about half an hour, forty five minutes until bed. “Hello?” you answered and he said “I’m outside” “You have a key” you reminded and he let out a breath “Didn’t know if I should use it”

You walked over and opened the door. He stood on your top step with a small smile “Hi” “Hi” you greeted and stepped to the side to let him in.

You watched him walk over to Addy’s playpen and pick her up. “She hasn’t had a bath or anything if you want to do bedtime routine” he nodded without looking at you “Will you grab me a diaper and pjs?” “Of course” you replied so he headed to the bathroom with her in his arms.

__________________

You didn’t want to intrude on Jay and Addy’s time so you stood at the door of her room watching as he put her down to sleep, tracing patterns on her stomach like he used to when she was tiny. Your heart ached seeing it. A part of you wished you would have forgotten how you felt for Mouse, would’ve fully been able to commit to Jay because fuck he was a good man. You didn’t want to hurt him, you didn’t want to lose him. You couldn’t exactly have them both either.

Once she was fully out he cut his eyes up at you and smiled before walking out of her room, pulling the door almost closed behind him. You stepped back to let him out, his chest brushing against yours. You looked up at him and for a moment the two of you just stood there staring at each other before you broke your eyes away first “You want some water or something? I think there’s some soda too”

He shook his head “No, I’m ok. Can we just sit and talk?” you nodded, not wanting to face what was coming. You suddenly wished you were wearing anything other than the t-shirt and sleep shorts you’d put on after your shower. You did at least have the presence of mind to leave Mouse’s dogtags on the table next to your bed to not rub them directly in his face.

________________

You walked over to the couch, curling one leg under you to turn to face him. He sat down next to you and bought one hand up to gently grip your face “You’re so damn beautiful sweetheart” “Jay” you whispered, feeling tears spring to your eyes. He leaned forward to brush a featherlight kiss against your lips and you felt your tears start to fall as he pulled back from you “Baby I know” 

“How?” you asked and he tapped your neck gently “I saw the chain when I dropped Addy off. I know what that means, add in how your voice sounded..didn’t take much to figure it out” 

“I didn’t mean for it to happen Jay..I really didn’t” you whispered, afraid that if you raised your voice you would completely break. He nodded “I know..I know you’re not the type of woman to set out to cheat” you dropped your gaze down to your hands and heard him shift on the couch before he gripped your chin again “Do you know how it feels knowing that all this time…I was in love with you..and I was just a placeholder?”

You turned your head slightly to press a kiss to his hand “You weren’t a placeholder Jay. You’re an amazing man. You’re the best father Addy could ever have, you never left my side when I was pregnant. You’re my best friend. I truly do love you” “And yet he wasn’t even back two full days before he had you in bed” he whispered, thumb tracing the side of your face as he held you in place. 

“I never lied to you that I still loved him” you defended and he nodded, eyes searching yours “No,you didn’t. I guess I should’ve just listened more with my heart than my ear” you were crying in earnest by then “Jay I don’t want to lose you. Addy needs you..I need you”

He nodded “Baby I’d never leave our daughter in a million years and I promised you I would never leave you and I won’t but it’s gonna take me a little while…I thought this was it..that you loved me as much as I loved you” you saw tears start to form in his eyes and felt your heart crumple “Jay..” he leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips which you returned before he pulled away “I love you Y/N and I always will. You gave me the best thing that could ever happen to me. I will be here at your side whenever you need me but it is hurting like hell to know I can no longer touch you or hold you like I want to. He’s the love of your life and you’re the love of mine so I don’t know where that leaves us”

You hadn’t realized how hard you were crying until he pulled you against his chest “It’s ok baby, it’s ok” you shook your head and shoved against his chest “Please stop being nice to me!” he shook his head “No”

You felt yourself crying harder “Neither of you should want me. I’ve been horrible to you both. I hurt him time and again and now I’m hurting you..I’m fucking poison” “No, you’re not. Baby you’re human. You’re gonna make mistakes. You’re gonna hurt people, you can’t save everyone, no matter how much you think you should be able to take care of everyone”

You shook your head, climbing off the couch and wrapping both arms around yourself “Can you leave Jay? Please. This has nothing to do with him. I wouldn’t want to be around him either” he stood up and took a tentative step towards you “Sweetheart..”

You shook your head “Please” he nodded “Ok. I’ll see you in the morning for drop off?” You nodded “I’ll see you in the morning”

_______________

You managed to hold it together until Jay closed the door behind himself then you slid down it and the sobs started to wrack your body. What did you have that you could offer your baby girl when you couldn’t even go a week without inflicting damage on the two men you claimed to love?

Mouse didn’t know who was knocking on his hotel room door at two in the morning. He figured it was another drunk that had the wrong room. That had occurred twice already. He had not expected Jay to be standing at his doorway. “Do I need to duck here or what?” he asked and Jay shook his head “No, we need to talk”

Mouse stepped back so Jay could walk into the room “Come on in”

Part 23

@desimarie12

@allisonargent144

@nevaehstreater18

[moonshine-nightlight]

2025 Writing Plans

With this being the third such yearly plan post, i think its officially a tradition lol. my standard disclaimer is this is my high level plan right now, subject to change and likely overly optimistic, but still worthwhile to make and try to layout. posting about writing plans gets me excited for the new year.

here's what i'm thinking:

Nothing's Wrong With Dale: Borrowing some of my plan from last year, i need to finish my own edit of Dale, hire an editor, commission cover art, and then self-publish. I'd love to get all that done in time for december publishing, but given how long everything was taking last year, i'd settle for just pushing it over to editors by the end of the year.

Short Stories: I want to finish off Courtship Confusion and Free Piano: Haunted this year, along with at least one other new story, but i am not trying to predict what that might be lol. maybe one that's been on my shelf for a while,maybe the one i started a couple days ago, maybe a new idea I havn't even had yet, like Voluntary Sacrifice. Nothing's gonna get posted until May at the earliest.

Novella(s): I'd like to kick off work self-publishing two other Novellas: a combo naga novella (Finally Woken and Selfish) and Sacrifice. No idea how far I can get between my edits and revisions, scrounging up the money to pay for editor/publishing/cover art, and pulling together some sort of timeline for all that, but I want to get it all going so i have more self-published work out there (it'd b really cool to go to a con or something in 2026 and have a set of books to promo and not just 2 lol - not to get too ahead of myself).

Series: I want to make Sacrifice the first novella in a 6 book series, each focusing on a different deity returning to the temple with the final book about all of them coming together against a common enemy, likely focusing back on the MC from Sacrifice. I have some note sand outlines for the different stories (although they all need better titles). Currently, I was considering them being a published exclusive, but I might still post abridged version on here, especially as I work through my ideas. So for 2025, in addition to getting Sacrifice further on it's own publish journey, i want to complete all the outlines and notes, solidify the characters, etc - everything i need to start writing these stories.

Longer stories: I still want to work on planning them out and making a decision on one to start posting next, like with Dale, but I don't think that actually posting anything longer like that will happen in 2025 (see everything else i want to do above lol). Still, getting organized is important and i'm looking forward to fleshing them all out and knowing which one i'll be diving into next.

So lots of stuff i want to get into and multiple things I want to try to finish off lol Definitely overly ambitious, but its getting me excited to get to writing.

As always, my day job is extremely busy January - April and this year is no exception so new stories until that time passes.

Feel free to send in any asks about upcoming/current stories! I'm looking forward to all the exciting writing and publishing to come in 2025!

[nicoleanell]

HE STAYS SILLY.

Nah the thing is, my boring Doylist interpretation of it is more about what it signals to the audience than whatever his motivation was. It's something that throws Louis off balance and upsets him to the point of almost being an overreaction, but it is very Louis that he'd react that way because he's so sensitive and insecure about his relative lack of talent. And Armand - heavily impied if not outright confirmed to be the one who did it - casually and insistently lies that he didn't do it.

And for all that people make jokes/serious comments overusing the term 'gaslighting' (even from the official accounts at this point!) IMO probably the only moment we see of actual gaslighting in its literal meaning the entire season is when Armand later suggests he did it himself and doesn't remember, rolls a nat one ("EXCUSE me?") and immediately backpedals from it lol.

It's a fracture! It's a crack in their facade of being perfectly trusting and comfortable and lovey together! Louis is *feeling* controlled and manipulated and pushing back.

But the why of it is kind of a mystery to me too. I think the one option is Armand intended to make him look kind of crazy or embarass him, but even that is the kind of three-dimensional-chess move that people keep ascribing to Armand that just doesn't match how much he was floundering on the show. To me I think what Louis said about Armand thinking he needs to be "coddled, hyped up" is the more well-meaning version of it... that if Armand's gonna try to control the narrative and present a specific curated version of their story for Mr. Molloy's book that he may or may not get to write, that story will say that Louis was a Good Photographer. Maybe the only goal is Daniel believes they're his without comment and Louis is oblivious to it. Maybe the stretch goal is Louis believes they were his.

Okay, buy like...what WAS the point of the Fred Stein photos mixed in with Louis'? What was Armand's goal there?

[moonsidesong]

finally ordered myself an external dvd/cd drive for my laptop yeah baby

[sysig]

Softly, slowly, I want to love you anyway (Patreon)

[okartichoke]

i lost 2 tennis balls so right now i only have 2 :((((

[sieglinde-freud]

oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng

[hypermascbishounen]

There's a deep irony in Berserk being so admired by people who really really hate what Berserk is about on an emotional level, but especially when writers want to take influence from it. Because Berserk is very strong thematically, and someone who can't acknowledge subtext is going to whiff on emulating anything good.

[blueskittlesart]

profs will set the due date for the final as april 24 and then STILL NOT HAVE THE FUCKING ASSIGNMENT UP TO SUBMIT THE PAPER BY 11PM ON APRIL TWENTY FUCKING THIRD

[lavellane]

do i make ashara more devoted to mythal post trespasser or do i alienate her from the evanuris entirely. is she immune to propaganda by virtue of how badly solas damaged her ability to believe in anything or is she especially vulnerable to it now bc she still WANTS to believe in anything. is she sporting subtle mythal details in her costume design or is she not

[icewindandboringhorror]

Everytime I face a new character limit on a website that didn't have them before/used to have really long ones... AUGHHhhh the modern social media world was not made for people like me (lovers of details, rambling, elaboration, thorough explanation, and nuance)