#and that was something karna could accept but not arjuna

[rambheem-is-real]

Karna vs the (Modern) World Pt 2

pt 1 here

Karna just wants one day. One good day.

(btw all of these stories are also on ao3!)

-

Karna focused back on the world, coming out of his midnight meditation with a sigh. It had been a few days since the drive back to Kasi, a sight that Karna didn’t think he’d ever forget. He hadn’t been able to stop the horror of seeing Mother Ganga all dried up from bleeding out into their shared consciousness, and heard Bujji grow even more worried as Bhairava of all people shed an involuntary tear. 

As they drove further into the city, the more angry and afraid Karna got. What had happened to Kasi? He saw a bustling marketplace, but recognized none of the wares. He saw people, but didn’t recognize the fashion. There were signs, but he didn’t recognize the languages other than a food sign in Tamil. And speaking of food, he didn’t see a single appetizing thing on the pictures outside the businesses. Crime, slavery, thievery, all of the sins were clearly visible just from the few minutes they spent driving through Kasi. Karna had retreated into Bhairava, unwilling to see more. 

In the days that followed, he resurfaced to explore the world quickly before disappearing again. He would taste the first bite of the shrimp noodles Bhairava ordered, take a few breaths of the polluted air, and get his fortune read by some hack and his fake bird. Although, to be fair, the man could be pulling out the sun card every time because of Karna and not just to impress Bhairava, so maybe not a hack. 

Not all of his experiences were unpleasant, however. Somehow he figured out how to use one of the numerous digital interfaces (he gave up and asked Bujji) to locate a book in Sanskrit on the Mahabharata War, as they called it now, to read over the events that happened. The text was mostly accurate, to which Karna was grateful. The text also described his death in detail, which he tried to forget about. He then went outside to hold short discussions with passersby. Karna was used to being ignored anyway, but delighted in the fact that for all of the people who didn’t know who he was, the same number of people didn’t know who Arjuna was, either. We’re both irrelevant losers now, he thought, then sobered as he realized these people didn’t know Krishna either.

He also figured out how to use Bhairava’s mental knowledge, being inside of him. Procedural memory was a beautiful thing. Karna couldn’t go too deep, without Bhairava feeling the intrusion, but he was now able to do basic things such as comprehend the different languages they spoke around here, type on the glowing blue screens, use Bhairava’s flying boots, and wield chopsticks. 

He could also choose to view Bhairava’s dreams, lingering on the edge of his reality. Karna often saw a man alternating between treating Bhairava lovingly and cursing him out for a betrayal, stuck in what looked like a jail cell. He saw a scantily clad woman that Bhairava liked to fantasize beating him up in various ways. Karna would retreat from the dreamscape to give him some privacy, but also in guilt, as the woman’s clothes (or lack of them) reminded him of another woman he had seen disrobed. 

Aside from a few memories of the Complex (which even Karna had been stunned at seeing, knowing how the people outside were living) and a few scenes made up in Bhairava’s imagination, the last figure was a faceless woman that sounded like Bujji. They bickered in Bhairava’s dreams just as much as they did in real life, but there was an undercurrent of something else as well. He tried to not think about it. 

(Karna refused to accept that Bhairava had a thing for Bujji. No. It was an artificial being, for God’s sake.)

And speaking of Bujji, Karna warily glanced around the room as he stretched his limbs. From what little he had researched, aware that the thing was probably looking at his search history, Bujji seemed to be capable of anything. She didn’t have a physical form, but that made it worse as she could be anywhere. 

Karna had learned that the hard way the other day when he had flopped onto his mat outside of the residence, wanting some fresh (or as much as he could get here, anyway) air. He had just wanted to be away from Rajan and Bujji for one night so he could gather his wits, just one night. 

At that time on the roof there weren’t many people around. Karna let out a breath of relief, then broke down, going through his entire repertoire of Sanskrit swears. It was extremely poor conduct for a member of Duryodhana’s court, but there was the problem. Duryodhana wasn’t here, and Karna had no idea how to get back to him. Aswhatthama was here, but Karna had no idea how to get to him either. He was all alone in an entirely new time. Maybe he could try escaping Bujji? Going on the run? 

“Bhairava?” the voice had come from the generator a few feet to the side of him, planted into the roof. Karna yelped in surprise. What the…? “I didn’t know you knew… all those words.”

“How are you even here?” Karna had scrambled to try to piece himself together again.

Bujji paused. “I’m… everywhere, Bhairava. I’m an AI. You know this.” Karna got the impression she was frowning. “Do you want me to.. leave?” 

Karna winced. The being sounded hurt. He didn’t want that, actually. “No, Bujji. I am just.. out of sorts right now.”

When no other words came from him, Bujji accepted that. “Ok. I’m watching over you, don’t worry. You won’t get snatched by any of your debtors up here.”

Debtors?? Snatching him up? The night was for resting, these people had no honor if they would attack him at this time. When did the rules of dueling go out of fashion? Maybe the rooftop nap was a bad idea. But Bujji did say she was going to protect him. Watching over you, his mind reminded him, which he tried to ignore. Karna had sighed and dropped into sleep, feeling stupid and lonely and homesick.

But that had proven Bujji could be anywhere. Karna hadn’t figured out her limitations yet, but it wasn’t like he could just look it up on the servers that she was also on. For all he knew, she could be watching him right now, judging his midnight meditation. Reading his heartbeat, because yes, that was a thing she was capable of apparently. Then he looked over at Bujji’s car body in the center of the room. Or rather, the lack of a body. 

He frowned. 

Bujji had said she was going to take the car for a ride a few hours ago, whatever that meant. She still wasn’t back. He got up and wandered over to the table, littered with spare parts and Bhairava’s scribbled notes. Was there a way he could figure out where she was, the same way she could somehow track him? The tools he had near him didn’t make much sense to him. 

But maybe Bhairava knew the answers. Karna sighed and gave Bhairava back control. 

***

Bhairava blinked. And then cursed. This had been happening too many times lately, waking up in a different place than what he slept to. He would think he developed a sleepwalking problem, but he didn’t think he was falling asleep during the day either, for short minutes at a time. Something else was happening, but he had no idea what.  

Bhairava remembered this all started in Shambala, when he woke up with the girl from the labs, and the freshly speared and barbequed corpse of Commander Manas a few feet behind her. Now he woke up in front of his table, feeling well rested and more peaceful than usual. 

His table. 

Which was currently missing the car in front of it. 

“Hey, Bujji?” he tried. “Where’s your body?” There was no response. “Are you mad at me? Giving me the silent treatment again?” Bujji still didn’t answer, and Bhairava tensed. Bujji was never this quiet. If she was upset at him she would let him know, be passive aggressive about it until he figured out what he did wrong. She’d never been offline at any point, connected into all of his systems. If she had a software update she’d leave a note, and Bhairava briefly searched the table for anything he had missed, maybe when he was sleepwalking, but nothing popped up. 

Had she.. left him again? Like the time she tried to escape? 

“Bujji if you wanted to leave you could’ve just told me,” Bhairava said again, shoulders drooping at the silence. It was true that he stopped Bujji from leaving years ago, but that was before everything they did together. He had hoped they were comfortable enough with each other in their partnership now, comfortable enough that Bujji would trust him not to go after her if she left. 

And he would, Bhairava thought to himself. If that’s what Bujji really wanted, even if it would tear him up inside, the loss of his one and only true friend- no one loves you everyone leaves you never change this is what’s needed for this world- he loved her enough to let her go. 

Unless… he was feeling sad for no reason and she had been taken instead? Against her will?

Bhairava buried his face in his hands. He didn’t want to freak Bujji out, and make it seem like he just wanted his car back. If she truly wanted to leave on her own, Bhairava wouldn’t go after her. But what if she was hurt? What if someone had taken her?

Bhairava tried to push back the images of Bujji’s body chained up in a garage, some guy splicing through her code and doing who knows what to her mind. 

“Arghh!” That’s it, he made up his mind. Bhairava was not a man who thought things through, and Bujji would probably yell at him for it in a few hours, but at least they would be together again. 

He would find Bujji. He would make sure she was safe and okay. And if this was what she wanted, he’d leave. If not, he’d beat the shit out of whoever dared to lay a hand on Bujji. 

Bhairava walked over to the screen and flipped on the secret tracker that he put onto Bujji’s body years ago. It had been a painstaking process to keep it a secret from Bujji herself, but it had been necessary when they were still learning to trust each other. As the years had gone by Bhairava resolved to ignore it, vowing to never use it, but these were exceptional circumstances. 

Sorry Bujji, he thought to himself. But I’m coming for you, whether you want me to or not.

-

@n0tm3g @mahi-wayy @i-exist-solely-for-the-drama @celestesinsight

[blackknight-100]

This fic is written for @ronika-writes-stuff , a very, very belated Happy Birthday to you <3

Bheema growled as they barreled through the dense undergrowth, stumbling across protruding vines. A few paces ahead, Arjuna danced in the rain, fleet and swift and beautiful.

“Angaraj!” he heard his brother call out, “do you not like the rain?”

Duryodhana exhaled noisily beside him. “Is it too much to hope he will slip and fall?”

Bheema agreed with the general sentiment; Arjuna’s antics were getting on his nerves. But damn him if he ever chose his homicidal cousin over his own brother.

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” He sent Duryodhana a scowl for good measure.

“Actually, I would like an umbrella right now, and a sedan chair, but Arjuna shutting up is an acceptable alternative.”

Bheema called him a cuss word he would never dare pronounce in Yudhisthira’s earshot. His cousin burst out laughing in response.

Karna, who had abandoned any attempts at running, marched up to them. “Wait,” he said, catching Duryodhana by the arm and flapping his hand dangerously close to Bheema’s face. “Prince Sahadeva believes there is a cave close by.”

Bheema stopped, and Duryodhana did the same, leaning against a false ashoka. “Is this belief the result of some tangible evidence or is he doing his mind-manifestation thing again?”

“Oye!” Bheema scowled, swinging his mace up his shoulder, “I’m going to bash your head in.”

Duryodhana rolled his eyes but pushed himself off and Bheema stomped ahead of the sycophant and his king. He was ready to go home.

They marched the remaining hundred paces in silence. Sahadeva and Yudhisthira were huddling under an arched stone structure that once might have been a sprawling temple but was now reduced to a glorified rocky outcrop. Dushashana crouched beside them, close to Nakula. They were shaking their heads hard, fanning out their hair and sending sprays of water everywhere.

“What is wrong with you?” Karna demanded.

“I shook out more water than Nakula,” Dushashana told him proudly.

No, you did not.” Nakula thrust his head out into the rain again and started tossing his hair. “Look at this.”

Bheema rolled his eyes then noticed Yudhisthira taking a deep breath, clearly preparing some new lecture, and cast about for something to say before he began.

“I am hungry.”

Duryodhana stared at him. Arjuna started to laugh, “Are you ever not hungry?”

Bheema, who had blurted out the first thing on his mind in an attempt to distract Yudhisthira, blushed.

Karna hurried them all into the shelter. “It’s wet and cold,” he told Dushashana when the latter tried to drench his hair again. “You are going to forget about this match in half an hour. If you get sick, you will have to lay in bed for a week.”

“Oh, come on,” Dushashana grumbled, but complied.

Yudhisthira held out a hand to Arjuna. “Are you going to get some firewood?”

Bheema watched, a little bemused, as his brother bounded over a fallen log, and turned to Sahadeva. “Where is he going to find dry wood?”

Sahadeva shrugged and smiled. “Have patience brother. He will think of something.”

Bheema curled under the shade, huddling between his brothers. They watched in companionable silence as the rain slowed gradually, the pattering growing softer. Karna and Duryodhana had their heads together, murmuring in low voices. Once in a while there came distant whoops – Arjuna was certainly enjoying his duties.

Of course, because Yudhisthira could never let things be – he turned to Duryodhana and began, “So, how is the construction of the new quarters going?”

Karna jumped and Bheema smirked.

“Oh, pretty good. My mother is going to confirm the patterns on the balustrade today, and all the options look ravishing.” Duryodhana boasted.

“Oh,” Yudhisthira blinked, but was saved from thinking up an answer by Arjuna’s return. Their brother was dragging a dead stag behind him, grinning like he had won Draupadi’s swayamvar all over again.

“Where’s the firewood?” Dushashana asked.

“I forgot,” Arjuna told them.

“You forgot?”

Arjuna shrugged. “Okay, I did not want to. This was more fun.”

Yudhisthira rolled his eyes. Karna got up, stretched, and picked up Sahadeva’s axe, swinging it in his hands.

“No matter, Arjuna,” he said tauntingly, “I am sure you can eat raw flesh like a pisacha. For the rest of us, I will get you firewood.”

“Oi!” Bheema jumped up, clenching his fists, and narrowly avoided a head-on collision with the protruding rock. “You are just jumping to go, aren’t you? This is right up your lane.”

Karna snorted. “It is,” he said, “and you need better arguments if you want to defend your brother.”

And with that last piece of gratis advice, he was gone.

Bheema opened his mouth to continue, but Yudhisthira gave him a glare so stern he was compelled to roll his eyes and settle into sullen silence.

“We should get moving,” Nakula said, after a pregnant pause.

“Where are we?” Duryodhana demanded.

“Shouldn’t you know?” Bheema asked impatiently. “This forest is in your kingdom.”

“Look here-” Duryodhana began, but Yudhisthira intervened once more.

“It’s growing dark,” he pointed out, gesturing to where the patches of sunlight on the ground grew sparser and more diffused. “Maybe we should wait for the morning. We have food and we will soon have firewood. It is going to be safer.”

“It’s going to be boring,” Dushashana complained.

Arjuna shook his head. “I promised Draupadi we would not get in trouble. I vote for morning.”

“There are more of you,” Duryodhana grouched, but he must have agreed to it because he did not fuss anymore.

They fell into pairs – Duryodhana with his brother, the twins together, Bheema with Arjuna, and Yudhisthira the odd one out – and dispersed cautiously to gather materials to make camp.

They were hauling armfuls of underbrush to make their beds when Arjuna nodded behind him into the gloom. “Here he is.”

Karna emerged from the shadow of the trees, bundles of firewood on his shoulder. He took one look at the lumped beds, Yudhisthira’s half-skinned stag and flung the bundles into an untidy heap.

“Are these edible?” he asked Sahadeva, holding out his palm. Bheema spotted a bunch of herbs and some seeds.

Nakula peered over his brother’s shoulder and nodded. “Yes. Good job.”

In a rare moment of civility Karna nodded a vague thanks to the Pandava twins and started arranging the piles to build a fire.

Then, Dushashana ruined the moment (as he was wont to) by asking aloud, “Who is cooking?”

Yudhisthira looked up and offered, “Bheema perhaps?”

Bheema bristled, not because he did not want to cook, but because Yudhisthira had not even bothered to ask him if he was willing to burn a stag for eight people.

“I can’t cook very well,” he announced. “I think someone else had better do it.”

The others stared at him.

“What?” he asked defensively.

Duryodhana shook his head in amazement. “Who are you, and what have you done to Bheema?”

“You dumb thing,” Bheema sneered, “have you finally lost your sight as well as your brain.”

Dushashana rose beside them, but Duryodhana did not even take offence. He was still gaping at him.

“I don’t think,” Nakula began, “anyone expected to see the day when you refused to cook, Bhaiyya.”

Bheema sputtered, half in annoyance and half in betrayal, “Excuse you!”

There was a pregnant pause. Dushashana ventured cautiously, “So… what now?”

Bheema buckled under the pressure of several pairs of eyes and burst out, “Why don’t you do it?”

Karna, who had also stopped whatever he was doing to observe this playing out, stood up, sighed, and ruffled his hair. “Never mind, I’ll do it.”

This declaration was greeted with considerable suspicion by the rest of the group. Even Duryodhana, who had openly supported his then-commoner friend in front of the whole empire and his royal father, now blinked dubiously at him.

“What?” Karna asked, flinging out his arms. “I do know how to cook, you know.”

“I most certainly did not know that,” Dushashana muttered.

“Are you going to poison us?” Arjuna demanded.

Yudhisthira made a shushing sound, and Karna rolled his eyes hard enough to see the back of his head.

“If I decide to kill you, Arjuna,” the King of Anga enunciated slowly, “I will make sure I do it with a bow in my hands and a bow in yours.”

“Oh… um…” Yudhisthira looked taken aback. “Can we postpone all plans of homicide for a few prahars?”

“Sure,” Arjuna and Karna spoke at once.

“Then everything is settled?”

“I don’t want to eat his food,” Bheema told them.

There was a pause. Then Karna got up, swung the stag over his shoulder and glowered at Bheema.

“You know what? Stay hungry.”

With that, he was gone.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You know,” Bheema heard Nakula say, “this wasn’t actually that bad.”

“You sound surprised,” Karna observed.

“Do I?”

Bheema turned around and tried to block out the conversation. Since he had remained firm on his decision and refused to eat, the others had ganged up on him and sent him up a tree to keep watch. He would feel betrayed by his brothers, but he was far too hungry to care.

He heard them eating, and the occasional polite compliment floated between breaks in stilted conversation.

After a while, Sahadeva called out to him, “Bhaiyya, we are done. Do you want me to keep watch now?”

“No,” Bheema called back, although he just wanted to shout, ‘go away.’ “I am not sleepy. I will call you.”

“Huh,” Sahadeva muttered. “Not hungry, not sleepy, refuses to come down from a wet branch – what has happened to you?”

Bheema did not deign to dignify that with an answer. Yudhisthira came by sometime later to inform him that Arjuna had made his bush-bed, but Bheema ignored him as well. All he wanted was food.

Gradually the sounds of the camp quietened down, and the forest came alive. Moonbeams cut through the leaves like shards of glass, and crickets chirped in the night. Bheema heard the distant howl of jackals and shivered a little. His stomach growled.

Bheema looked over to their camp. His brothers lay sprawled over in various degrees of comfort – Nakula and Sahadeva were huddled together like newborn pups, and Arjuna had his head in a rather uncomfortable position on Yudhisthira’s arm. Karna and his cousins appeared asleep as well and Bheema gathered up the courage to venture closer.

The branches creaked and shuffled their leaves as he climbed down, but no one stirred. At the edge was a heap of banana leaves, and it was there that Bheema tiptoed.

Fate was not on his side, however, and when he parted them, he was disappointed to find a morsel of meat so lonely and small that he could not bring himself to eat it.

Someone coughed. Bheema jumped a foot in the air and spun around, heart pounding.

Karna had rolled on his side, watching him with glittering eyes. “Hungry?” he asked.

“No!” Bheema felt his face flame, and lowered his voice, “No, not at all.”

Bheema’s stomach chose that very moment to growl. The other man gave him an infuriating smirk, rolled over and stood up.

“Wait here,” Karna instructed, picking his quiver and bow, maneuvering around sleeping bodies, and disappearing into the forest.

Bheema sat there compliantly, feeling rather upset and a little foolish. He wondered if he should make off with the last piece, but the thought of Karna finding it missing was worse.

There was some rustling, and Karna reappeared, holding up an arrow with a dead rabbit skewered on it. Bheema was not faint-hearted by any means, but he had to turn away from the grisly sight. “What are you doing?” he asked, as Karna added wood to the fire and settled down to skin his kill.

“This is for you.” He held up a hand to forestall his protests. “Starvation is not rebellion; you just end up being miserable.”

“I was not rebelling,” Bheema sulked.

“Sure.”

For a while they sat together in silence – not particularly comfortable, but not hostile either, which was more than what could be said of their previous interactions. Karna cleaned the flesh and seasoned it with more leaves and mounted it over the fire.

Behind them, Duryodhana stirred. “I smell food.”

“It’s not for you.” Karna told him.

“Everything you make is for me,” Duryodhana drawled. “Wake up, Sahadeva, there is more food.”

Bheema expected Karna to take offence, but the other man only smiled, sighed, and handed Bheema the rabbit.

“Might as well get some more,” he clarified in answer to his questioning glance. “Something tells me everyone will be up now.”

And so they were. That night the eight of them feasted once more – with great teasing at Bheema’s expense, until he pointed out how everyone was gorging themselves on their second meal of the night. Afterwards, they lay on their backs in twos and threes, talking quietly.

When morning came, they began their long trek back home. Bheema threw Karna a smile when no one was looking and got a reserved nod in response. Then, Duryodhana turned to Yudhisthira, who was telling them about Indraprastha, and said, “When we get back, would you care for a game of dice?”

[mahapralanya]

I have been reading the From Lostbelt manga translations and my mind got absolutely fixated on these panels from chapter 11.

This isn't the only time that cannibalism is invoked as part of the process of Arjuna Alter's ascension to godhood. He acknowledges it during his interlude:

"The battle where everything spiraled out of control. A great war in which god, man and beast were liquified into sludge. I then consumed that sludge, slurping it down as if it were soup. Forgive me, that was just a figure of speech. Truthfully, what I actually did was far worse." (Source)

Although he doesn't say it with his own words, the implication is there - that was just a figure of speech; what I actually did was far worse.

This, combined with the manga panels, made me think many thoughts.

The first thing that caught my attention was the lack of gloves; we almost never see Arjuna not wearing them, and the image of seeing his bare hands, knowing how princely and royal he is, comes as striking. This, along with the focus given on his hand gestures, makes me feel like I am witnessing something that shouldn't be seen - something intimate.

And it got more intimate when I realized that it looked like he wasn't wearing any clothes. There is nothing covering him, at least from the angle we get. It might be a stretch, but I do believe that he was naked there.

Nakedness implies intimacy, but it can be translated into other things as well; in this case, I think about vulnerability, transformation/rebirth, and returning/embracing nature.

The first one should be obvious enough - humans are pretty frail without clothes, and it is far easier to hurt yourself if there's nothing protecting you. Clothing keeps us safe from the extremes of both heat and cold, and in the context of a war, paired with armor, they exist to keep one alive.

The other two things are closely tied, although I do see them as being different enough to be listed separately.

We are all born naked - and in this moment, the key point to the lostbelt's existence, Arjuna is going through a transformation, a rebirth process. He has discarded the things that made him human and is going to grow stronger, the result different from the Arjuna that he used to be.

For this to happen, he also had to embrace his own human nature, flawed and fragile, exposing himself, offering his body and soul to the earth and gods that made him what he is, embracing his primal instincts.

Every creature needs to eat.

Cannibalism in art can have many readings, and has been used as a metaphor for many things, ranging from love, depravity, and hate. Eating something because you love it so much you want to become one with it, being overcome with desire that you must eat the other to saciate your hunger, consuming your enemies so you can absorb their strength and laugh as they are reduced to nothing more than fuel to your body.

It is usually something very violent.

While not fully shown, it is easy to imagine the process of eating an entire being with one's bare hands to be a messy ordeal. Killing by itself is already dirty and violent enough, but eating one's own kill like an animal is truly something else.

It makes me wonder about how broken Arjuna's mind was at the time, as he accepted the need to do something so extreme. Baring himself, tearing the gods apart with his own hands, taking them bite after bite, enduring the taste and the sin.

The third panel says more than enough.

He hated it.

This also reminded me of a certain piece of information delivered to us during LB4: he refused to devour and absorb Karna, even after effectively killing him with his noble phantasm.

While the story paints it as a sign of Arjuna's distastes for Karna as his rival, I never really bought into that explanation. Thinking deeper, I do believe that there were other factors that played a role in this decision.

If he truly hated Karna, I believe he would have eaten him - it would have been the ultimate demonstration of power, and to devour him after killing him in his own terms would be incredibly cathartic... In theory.

One could say he was far too removed from his humanity to care about his feelings for Karna, but we know that this isn't exactly true either; it is Karna, after all, that ends up being able to reach Arjuna's core, his humanity, which he hadn't truly lost but actually buried away, hidden deep under his skin.

I believe he spared Karna as a call for help.

Arjuna Alter's origin story is nothing more than a tragic tale, full of trauma and horrible, complicated feelings. He wants to get rid of it all, to discard and erase them away - to remake the world over and over, until there are no traces of suffering, of the things he lost, the sins he commited.

But it's impossible to erase one's own flawns; in Arjuna's mentality, that would mean erasing himself. Karna says so directly to his face, making him confront himself and do some actual self reflection after centuries of denial.

Of course, this doesn't mean that other characters wouldn't have been able to figure this out themselves and have this dialogue with him; however, having it coming from Karna hits him different. It makes him realize how far he has come, to the point that he isn't, as he directly says shortly before dying, the man he used to be.

Arjuna never wanted to become evil. He never wanted to lose his humanity. All those violent things he did, stripping himself from who he was raised to be, it was all an act of desperation.

He never wanted to lose his ties with Karna, as severing them would make his world imperfect, exposing him to the flaws that are his own feelings, the fact that he isn't as emotionally detached as he wanted to become.

Karna needed to exist to save Arjuna from himself. Karna needed to exist to become his downfall.

Arjuna Alter, unconsciously, bared himself to be devoured by Karna, as only destruction could be his salvation now.

And Karna saved Arjuna, both god and human, at the end of the world.

[lunarimpact]

...now i want to know your opinion on fgo arjuna. i know they really mishandled him, esp in the beginning, but id like to hear the thoughts of someone who's more familiar with him (hes my favorite)

Lucky you, he’s actually a character I used to despise. I used to hate how he’s the most beloved of the Gods, the boy-prince who can do no wrong, who is always just and true. He’s the hero! The good boy, the best boy, we love this boy!

But... that’s really not the case is it?

Arjuna is as complicated as everyone else in the Mahabharata, and startlingly sad. He’s not allowed, really, to be anything but the best, but he has the most painful weight upon his shoulders.

Imagine, for just a moment:

You, a boy, are born as the son of Indra, the King of the Gods, a gift to your human father, Pandu, and one of five known brothers. And you, a boy, are witness to the death of one of your mothers, her suicide, right after Pandu’s death, and you can’t even mourn that before your whole life is stolen from you, and you become the plaything of the Gods, for their dharma, for their war.

Every step you take is meant to build up hatred between you and your cousins. Is meant to make you view the world as desperately in need of a change. And you, you can be the arrow of change. Or, at least, part of it. You will be forced to flee all your years. You will face untold horrors, make stupid mistakes, and not be allowed to rest.

And the trauma just keeps building.

You will love four women to varying degrees. One of which is going to be the downfall of all of India. One is a woman who is an unknown aged naga, from probably several yugas past, and knows what is going to take place. She begets you a son and tells you to go, because that was the deal, after all. One is a prince-princess of a distant kingdom, and she’s your equal, but you can’t be happy with her. You leave. The last, your destined, almost, is Yogamaya incarnate, and she’s Krishna’s sister. His beloved sister, and your happiness already has a noose around it.

You, a young-old man, will be the tool of Vishnu, through Krishna, to slaughter your own flesh and blood. You, a young-old man, will take the life of your older-half-brother when he is weaponless, begging you to stay your hand till he can at least defend himself. You, a kshatriya, will take his head, and you have no choice.

This war is your birthright, happy birthday baby, don’t you cry.

Arjuna is traumatized. He’s depressed. He’s hurting so damn much throughout his own story, and he’s never really allowed the closure he deserves.

And, yeah, fgo’s portrayal of him isn’t great. He’s self-absorbed and an arrogant prick at first glance, and this isn’t to say he hasn’t always been these things in some capacity, and his inferiority-superiority complex is so underwhelming, but there’s something so fragile about him. Like look at how he desperately wants to appear perfect, to be your top priority. He wants to be so much, and yet it’s absolutely a mask.

He hates himself.

He’s a tool, meant to be used, and he’s aware of it. He’s his Masters tool, and he alludes to how others have used him and killed him when they didn’t need him anymore. And some part of him absolutely accepts this as truth.

He’s so wrapped up in his previous life, his previous fate, that he can no longer separate himself from Karna, funnily enough. He’s wrapped up in this idea that they are always going to kill each other, that they have no choice, while ignoring the fact that he’s already fulfilled this role.

And some part of me just wants to scream, it’s finished, it’s over Arjuna, move on! He’s already fulfilled that left over dharma, which was laid upon his shoulders by the Gods. He’s not destined to kill Karna again and again and again; it was a one and done for that lifetime. It’s over, move on.

Can we please separate the boys already?

They are not each others end all be all. And we’re not even allowed to glimpse at the respect that Arjuna and Karna had for each other, differences aside. Or how their interactions were canonly few and far between. In fact, I’m surprised it’s not Krishna who continues to haunt him, to linger in his thoughts and mind the way he used to. No, wait, that’s wrong, because it’s briefly touched upon in his second, and glorious, interlude, and will make a reappearance in -REDACTED-.

I think fgo is slowly starting to build Arjuna up into a likeable character now, who is relying more on his own merits, and not his blessings from the Gods or Krishna or his shitty fate. But they’re still treating him like a childish youth, a tsundere-chuuni-whatever the fuck. Relying pretty heavy on some likeable tropes, but not giving him the growth he deserves. Not letting us peak into the past of a great warrior with all this pain in him. Not letting us really explore all that much about him behind face value.

We’re not even allowed to talk about any of his wives, mind you. It’s brought up as a throw away comedy line between him and Rama that makes no fucking sense, when Arjuna loved all of his wives as best as he could, and they taught him so much. And that line is solely focused on Draupadi, without going into context about how it happened, that it was a mistake on all their parts, and enforced by Narada. We don’t even really get to talk about how much Arjuna loved Kunti.

Anyway, they get points for making him look like the lovechild of Arjuna and Krishna though! His design is beautiful, I won’t lie, and I love his wedding kurta.

[writer-and-artist27]

How does Vy react to getting pulled into her Servants' dreams during interludes? Has she ever been afraid? Is it something that's easy to accept or does she need a few days to process?

Hi Carim. :> Vy's reaction to being pulled into her Servants' dreams, huh...?

To be completely honest, I feel that her reaction depends on the specific Servant and the dream they're having. Off the top of my head, Arjuna's interlude for example would have her be pretty open to accepting what's going on considering what happened in the America Singularity, not to mention the entire concept of Arjuna Alter and his own history with Karna. Arjuna was my first 5-star Archer in-game, so she's comfy with him and some of the thoughts he could have. Same thing with Nightingale, as another point of reference. Even if Nightingale canonically came to my Chaldea in Part 2, her interludes just serve as another tally in the "yeah, Vy would just go with the flow in this and do her thing of trying to help her Servants" category.

On the other hand, EMIYA Alter's interlude would be a doozy that requires her to take a few days to process afterwards, because that dream itself was messed up in how it was just another Alter who wanted to kill her. The fact that FGO Canon all but spells out that the EMIYA Alter that tries to kill the player and the EMIYA Alter that assists you in putting him down in the dream are both the same entity - that's just upsetting, especially for Vy when she's close to the original EMIYA Archer. I still remember being saddened by EMIYA Alter disregarding the player's feelings in saying how they wouldn't remember the dream once they woke up, because I know Vy would. Even if it's a different Shirou, it's still Shirou, and for him to not even acknowledge his own worth in a dream basically goes against everything Vy tries to do for the people she cares about.

What really matters in this case is how close she is to the Servant and what their subconscious tosses her into.

[ginazmemeoir]

Women in the Indian Epics

This post is in response to @hindumythologyevent (i won’t be able to write tomorrow)

Ramayana and Mahabharata, while being epics centred around Hinduism, are actually integral parts of Indian culture as a whole. Everyone in India has grown up knowing about these epics, but never about the women. I would like to take this moment to make people realize THESE. EPICS. WOULD. BE . NON. EXISTANT. WITHOUT WOMEN. HECK ALL OF US WOULD BE.

1. RAMAYANA: While there’ s no shift in the status of women chronologically, there definitely is a marked changed in the social status of women in the epic geographically.

  North - 

Kaushalya : Princess of Southern Kosala (modern day Bundelkhand in India), she had proposed her marriage to Dasharath, Ram’s father, to stop the war between their kingdoms. In the epics, she is shown as “virtuous” and “sacrificing”, and is Ram’s birth mother.

Kaikeyi : Princess of Kekaya (modern day Pakistan-Afghanistan border region), she had married Dasharatha of her own accord, on her own terms. She was a powerful woman, and a powerful warrior - she had saved Dasharath’s life in a war, and consequently Dasharatha had granted her two boons. She used these boons later to banish Ram to the forest for 14 years and make her son Bharata the heir. A figure of scorn in the epic, Kaikeyi was actually an independent woman, who knew her cards.

Sumitra : She just kind of exists we don’t know much about her, except that she’s the mother of the twins Lakshmana and Shatrughna.

Sunaina : Queen of Videha (modern day Nepal), she was actually the one who ran the kingdom while her husband, Janak, looked after the “spiritual” nd “philosophical” aspects. Most people don’t even know about her.

Sita : The female protagonist, she is the Princess of Videha, and thus also called Vaidehi. In fact, there is a language in her honour called Maithili after her. She is actually quite passive in the epics, shown as yet again “virtuous” and blah blah blah. A few versions also say that she was actually Ravan’s daughter, or the reincarnation of a woman who Ravan had molested and so the woman vowed that she would be the cause of his death (mmm not so much I mean the dude was asking for it). FINALLY she does something after Ram banishes her cause people accuse her of Stockholm Syndrome WHILE SHE’S PREGNANT, and then tries to take her back once he gets to know that he’s a dad - twist, Sita has to prove she’s innocent by WALKING THROUGH FIRE AGAIN (she did it once after she escaped). So instead of doing this shitty thing again, she invoked the Earth Goddess (another legend says Sita is her daughter) and went away with her.

Manthara : Kaikeyi’s nanny, she came along with her after she married Dasharatha to take care of her children. Shown as a disfigured old hunchback, she is the one who had “instigated” Kaikeyi to banish Ram and make Bharata emperor. She’s one of the most hated characters in the Ramayana.

South - (FINALLY women don’t call their husbands ‘lord’ or ‘my king’)

Tara : The Monkey Empress, Tara was a powerful individual. After her husband Bali was killed by Rama, she ran the kingdom while her brother-in-law Sugreev whored away. Really wise, and commanded respect.

Mandodari : Daughter of the architect of Asuras Mayasur, Mandodari was another powerful woman. She was Ravan’s first wife, and is often seen speaking her opinions in the epics, reprimanding Ravan and genuinely being a boss-ass bitch, which as the epics state “was unusual”. Legend also states that Shiva had made her out of a frog (manduk in sanskrit), so that Ravan could stop pestering them.

Shurpanakha : Quite literally meaning “as sharp as nails), Shurpanakha was Ravan’s sister. Also known as Meenakshi, some hold her responsible for the annihilation of Ravan as her revenge for Ravan killing her husband. She had actually tried to seduce Ram and Lakshman while they were in the forest, but instead they pranked her, and not in the nice way (people, YOU DO NOT PRANK A DEMON PRINCESS). So when she saw Sita laughing, she thought it wa sher idea and attempted to kill her. Immediately, the “chivalrous” Lakshman ran to defend Sita and cut off “the evil temptress’” nose. So anywho Shurpanakha tells Ravan to avenge her, and later she goes to Ayodhya and spreads rumours about Sita’s affair with Ravan for revenge.

Kaikesi : Ravan’s mother, Kaikesi was the original heir to Lanka before it was given to Kuber, the dwarf lord of wealth. She later married the monk Vishravas, and had almighty children (some say this is the only reason she married him). She was the one who created Mega Ravan after the war to avenge herslef.

Sulochana : The Naga Princess, Sulochana was the daughter of the snake king Vasuki. Not much is known about her, except that she committed suicide after her husband Meghnad (Ravan’s son) was killed.

other characters : Trijata - she was Sita’s bodyguard in Lanka, and also Ravan’s  niece. She was the one who consoled Sita and protected her from the other demons.

Lankini : The guardian of Lanka, she had been defeated by Hanuman.

Urmila : Sita’s younger sister, who was married to Lakshman. Later, she fell into a coma for 14 years, till the time all three of our protagonists returned.

Surasa : The Sea Dragon, she tested Hanuman’s strength on his way to Lanka by attempting to eat him.

Simhika : The Shadow monster, who ate creatures by grabbing their shadows. She was killed by Hanuman.

2. MAHABHARATA : Ok this epic is more recognized, and also the women here are SO much more badass. The Mahabharata represents a chronological change in women’s status in Indian society.

Urvashi : Queen of the nymphs (apsaras), Urvashi had married the mortal king Pururavas on the condition that nobody will hurt her pet lamb, and that nobody except Pururavas will see her naked. So the gods killed her lamb and “opened the doors with mighty winds” and “lit the skies with lightning” when Pururavas and Urvashi were having sex, so everyone could see Urvashi naked. She then left Pururavas, who grew mad. Later, she tried to seduce Arjun (Pururavas’ descendant) and when he refused, she cursed him to become a eunuch.

Ganga : The River Goddess, she married Shantanu only on the condition that he would never question her or her actions. Then, Ganga proceeded to drown all of her and Shantanu’s children. When Shantanu finally stopped her from drowning the eighth one, it was revealed that they were actually gods cursed as humans and Ganga was only doing this so that they could go back to being gods again. Anywho, since Shantanu had technically questioned her actions, she left him and took the child. This child was Bhishma.

Satyavati : She was born when a fish ingested a king’s sperm (LONG story), and the fish gave birth to her. She was known for her beauty that rivalled the gods, and also her fish stank. she had sex with the sage Parashara and gave birth on an island to Vyasa (the Mahabharata’s author). In return, Parashara granted her the boon of irresistible scent. Later, she married Shantanu on one condition - that only her lineage would rule the throne, which forced Bhishma to take his vow of celibacy. A woman of naked ambition, she made sure that it was her blood only that ruled the throne of Hastinapur.

Amba : The princess of Kashi (modern day Varanasi in Uttar Pradesh), she and her two sisters were abducted from their marriage by Bhishma on Satyavati’s order to be married to her son Vichitravirya. Amba escaped Bhishma, but her husband refused to accept as she “was now another man’s property” (BITCH). When she asked Bhishma to marry her, he refused because of his stupid vow. So she sought revenge on him and went to the warrior sage Parashuram. Parashuram was enraged at Amba’s condition, and invited Bhishma to a duel till death. However, he realized that their duel could actually end the world and stopped it. Angry, Amba burnt herself alive and promised to be reborn as Bhishma’s death. She was reborn as the transwoman Shikhandi, Draupadi’s sibling, and ultimately killed Bhishma. (more popular versions state that she actually stood in front of Arjuna, and since Bhishma couldn’t “raise a hand on a transwoman”, Arjuna could safely kill Bhishma from behind her.

Gandhari : Princess of Gandhara (modern day Afghanistan), Gandhari’s kingdom was destroyed by Bhishma and she was married to Dhritarashtra, the blind prince. To aid her husband, she also blinded herself for life by wearing a blindfold at all times. Mother of the hundred Kauravas, she had uttered that fateful curse which caused the destruction of Krishna and his empire.

Kunti : Princess of Mathura, she was adopted by king Kuntihoja. A resourceful and sharp woman, she had received a boon to have kids by any god she wanted. Out of curiosity, she tested the boon and got the son of the Sun god, Karna. Not ready to be a teen mom, she threw the baby in a river (the baby lived). Later she married Pandu, Dhritarashtra’s younger brother, and gave birth to Yudhishthir, Bhima and Arjuna from Yama (god of death and law), Vayu (god of wind) and Indra (indian zeus) respectively. She spent her entire life protecting Pandu’s five children after his death, even burning six people alive during the Varnavat incident.

Madri : Princess of Madradesh (present day Tamil Nadu, India), she was Pandu’s second wife and gave birth to the twins Nakul and Sahadeva from the Ashvini Twins (gods of healing and knowledge, she had used Kunti’s boon). She committed suicide after Pandu’s death.

Draupadi : Princess of Panchal (modern day Uttar Pradesh, India although some people say it could also be Punjab), she was born from fire. She and her brother were created to avenge their foster father Drupad. Married to all five Pandavas, she later became Empress of Indraprastha, and encouraged her husbands to fight for their rights. Molested and disrobed after the Gambling Hall incident, she vowed to destroy the Kuru dynasty - and that she would not wash her hair until they were washed with Dushasana’s blood, the man who had disrobed her. Krishna treated her like his own sister, and today she serves as an inspiration to all women.

There are a LOT more women in the Ramayana and Mahabharata, but i would have to write another separate 500 pager for that, and honestly i have run out of brain juice right now. so i leave you with this - STAY BADASS LADIES.

[melonisopod]

#lasengle stop underselling juna challenge difficulty: impossible#youd think theyd at least make note of it in his bio like how they did w ash and his big wheel but nope. gotta devote all that space to k#my other insane theory is juna wrote his profile at 2am on a pstd-induced guilt spree which is why its#a) all about how he 'unjustly' murdered poor karnie#b) has a bunch of weird ass inconsistencies like it accidentally made him k's uncle and says duryo was like a dad to k when k was the older#im not joking about arjuna accidentally being made karna's uncle in his bio btw#it lists his dad as 'king kuru' which was like his grandpa which would have made him karnas uncle instead of his brother. his dad was pandu#i wish theyd rewrite bios tbh his is. a nightmare like why#but yeah my theory is 2am hell guilt trip he wrote while crying into his desk which is why its so biased#look if youre fighting a guy and ask to stop to fix ur tire and he says no#and you then stop and turn your back to him anyway to fuck w your tire#what the hell do you expect to happen? karna was a dipthong#'uh ik i beat up and murdered ur kid when he was in the same position w like 20 other guys but can u please give me 5 min?'#'uhhh (hey krishna what should i- (DUDE JUST SHOOT HIM TF-))'#and then no one shuts up about you shooting him ever again but conveniently they all forget about the shit he did#lmao if i were arjuna id be so tired#'yeah i was told it was my moral duty to shoot him but once i did no one ever let it go ever'#my asks#i did say this was insane. sorry 

Oh I am 100% here for this theory I love it so much.

what's that insane theory about archer juna's np?

ok. so

you know how this is titled pashupata and the game treats it as pashupata and everyone refers to it as pashupata?

i dont actually think its pashupata.

cause here's the thing: i KNOW that hindu mythology is heavily nerfed in fgo but arjuna never even used pashupata when he was alive. like not in response to ANYTHING. even when ashwatthama killed his unborn grandchild he used the brahmashirsha astra in response-that was still incredibly deadly and powerful, but it was also still LESS powerful than pashupata. this is the personal weapon of shiva and kali that he only managed to get through completing heavy penances-no one else in the mahabharata had it and in other texts iirc only rama and a sage, Vishvamitra, also possessed it.

it was easily leaps and bounds stronger than vasavi shakti, despite what fgo may say, and could literally destroy the universe if used carelessly. id honestly say if we were putting up a comparison to a fgo weapon to it ea would be the closest thing-it was basically unavoidable, unresistable, and destroyed everything in it's path. and he knew this and so didnt use it bc in the context of the wars he fought in it wouldlve been massive overkill, and he was pretty responsible all things considered with the weapons he used

but like, hes ok with letting mages potentially command him to use it against their enemies? this incredibly powerful attack gifted to him by shiva that could obliterate the universe? like ignoring the logisitics of the fact they'd probably need a boatload of mana, and that the earth has protections in place to prevent gil or whoever from going 'lol' and laser beaming it in twain, why would mr 'thanks for the wmd but i will not be using it' suddenly ok the use of it for a bunch of backstabbing self-serving mages who would sacrifice their own children for a chance at upping their magical power?? like 'oh yes zouken, i'll use pashupata to blow up that orphanage for you right away. clearly this is a good use of this holy astra bestowed upon me by the gods :)'

imo he looked at his legend, looked at the fact anyone who looked into him would know about the fact that he'd have that astra, and renamed one of his less potent attacks 'pashupata' so that when he was ordered to use it he could follow their command WHILE also not fucking. using pashupata for incredibly petty and asinine reasons. like do we really think the average mage can tell the difference between the different astras anyway? no. hes gonna do that so when they pop their command seals and yell at him to use pashupata he can be like 'of course master :)' while also not going against his principles as like. person who was given a turbo nuke and was like 'yeah theres no reason to use this against normal people' like COME ON

though tbh i do still think he has access to pashupata as an archer-like when he blew up the 18 demon pillars that. that seems more like something he might actually have used it for.

i know that this theory has no water bc every time he's referred to it there's been nothing to suggest his np wasn't pashupata, its been described and treated in his materials as pashupata, plus parvati ALSO makes note of him having it and it being pashupata. it just bugs me that they shoved it on him as his generic np and also massively undersold it when he has like 4000 other big explody attacks that couldve been slotted in just as well, and when its a legitimately interesting fact that he never used it in his lifetime.

[eclecticwordblender]

Mahabharata Highschool AU

(Part-4)

The Draupadi-Arjuna fiasco:

It was the first week of freshman year in high school. Most of the pumped up teenagers had a very recent visit from the puberty fairy. Kids were still choosing their ECAs.

It was Physical education. Most of the bright sportsmen decided to pick soccer, no one really paid much heed to basketball. The soccer feild was lively as always, so was the basement where kids who hated PE would sit and gossip while claiming to play tennis.

Drupad, the basketball coach, was disheartened, sitting alone in a corner when a chirpy freshman walked towards him.

“Umm. Morning sir, Could you tell me where to find a ball?”

He half heartedly looked towards this kid, her face glowed as though it reflected something ethereal, Drupad didn’t really care.

“Take this.”

“This has no air?”

Drupad laughed.

“So you really wanna play sports huh?”

“That’s funny because(?)”

“Well no one really wants to play basketball around here.”

“But I just saw one kid around here.”

“Must be Bheema. May I know you young lady?”

“I’m Draupadi. Freshman year.”

Draupadi started attending practices on a daily basis. Bheema started coming earlier than ever, the boy seemed smitten, why wouldn’t he, he had been, since junior school days, when no one really knew Draupadi. The boy shared his food with her everyday, one may say he was falling *in love*.

Arjuna and Krishna arrived at the practice one day, to meet their pal, Bheema. Draupadi was leaving, her long black hair, tied in a high ponytail, moving as she strutted. Arjuna developed an instant crush on this beauty who had just started becoming popular. Draupadi’s eyes found him too. She stood still, as though admiring every bit of this achingly beautiful boy.

Krishna smirked looking at those two. Arjuna seemed lost, so he asked Bheema-

“Should I do something my OTP has finally met!”

Bheema reluctantly forced a smile. He wanted to say no, to say that this will only cause chaos, but he saw Draupadi smiling, his heart sank, but wasn’t Draupadi’s happiness worth dying for too?

He nodded.

Krishna called out “Sakhi!!!”

Draupadi snapped out of her dream world. Walked towards them.

“Meet Arjuna. The guy I keep talking about. Arjuna, Draupadi, the girl I always wanted you to meet.”

Arjuna scratched the back of his head a little for despite being a ladies’ man he fumbled while conversing with Draupadi.

The bell for the morning assembly rang. The four of them rushed. Krishna, to the assembly, Arjuna and Draupadi, towards the soccer field because no one would catch them missing the assembly there, Bheema, towards the washroom.

Bheema sobbed a little. Soon he sucked it up. Decided he has to live it, for Draupadi he may be a friend but for him, she’s his whole world.

Arjuna and Draupadi sat in field, laughing. The set of kids who skipped the assembly daily staring at these newbies. They were mostly senior years, so they didn’t really care. The only other freshman present was Shishupal, *face palm*.

The next day school was a little different. A hot gossip around. Was Arjuna actually dating Draupadi!

Draupadi stormed at Arjuna upon hearing this.

“Excuse me!?!? Stop spreading these crappy stories!”

“Wait! Didn’t you do it?”

“Umm, NO!”

“Well the rumour doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?”

“I guess.”

Both of them smiled awkwardly, Arjuna pulled Draupadi closer, they kissed.

As they leaned away, twitching, still a little awkward.

“Who started the rumour then?”

They both shouted in unison- “SHISHUPAL!” Then laughed.

From a safe distance, Krishna silently giggled, he did start the rumour, but knew no one would doubt him, he’ll easily get away. “It was necessary,” he told himself and walked away.

While returning home, Krishna asked Arjuna about all the stories going around, acting as if he had no idea.

“Krishna, my eyes weren’t closed when I kissed her. What if I shouldn’t do this.”

“What crap bro! You both are soulmates made for each other stfu YOU LOVE HER SHE LOVES YOU.”

“Gee I wouldn’t say love.”

“Arjuna, bro STFU!”

Krishna called Draupadi that evening. She wouldn’t stop talking about the cutie who was her boyfriend now. She sort of had self esteem issues, despite being possibly the most beautiful girl in school, she couldn’t believe, HEARTTHROB ARJUNA WAS HER BOYFRIEND.

Soon the word spread. Teachers found out too. Ma’am Kunti couldn’t stand how someone was “Ruining” the life of her fav baby by being a “Distraction.”

She wouldn’t let Draupadi at peace. Sent her to the counsellor every single day.

Vidur was so annoyed, but only out of baseless respect for ma’am Kunti, he didn’t speak up. However, he helped Draupadi deal with that woman.

Yudhishthir, who tried v hard to become everyone’s favourite, and even thought that he was, said “If Ma’am Kunti says it she must have a point.”

Draupadi shot a look at him. He shut up. She has hated him ever since. Bheema wanted to beat this guy up, but wasn’t sure how Draupadi would feel about it. Yudhishthir would’ve had a good beating had it not been for that and the fact that Coach Drupad hadn’t become close to Dhrishtdyum yet.

Arjuna loved this extremely problematic teacher so much that he didn’t realise what Draupadi was going through. He even told her that she was the one who was overreacting, Ma’am Kunti was a goddess in human form.

Draupadi had enough. She walked up to Arjuna

“Arjuna, this isn’t working out.”

“Uh.. what do you mean?”

“We’re breaking up!”

“Umm.. well can I tell Karna that I broke up with you? I mean the guy wouldn’t leave a chance to mock me when he hears the real story.”

She rolled her eyes -

“ W h a t e v e r .”

Arjuna didn’t really seem to be impacted. It did hurt Draupadi. She didn’t shed a tear though, she accepted AND MOVED ON.

A lot of fake stories spread around about why the couple broke up. They were both bothered at first. Eventually, this made both of them immune to any rumour they’d encounter in future.

Some say coach Drupad was so annoyed by this that he privately called Krishna and told him how teachers find out everything the kids here do and HE SHOULD NEVER PLAY MATCHMAKER AGAIN!

Kunti ma’am still hates Draupadi for some reason.

Some say Draupadi got over it. Some say she still has feelings for Arjuna.

However, it doesn’t matter, they’re both still best friends, and their chemistry is so much more amazing this way. Even Subhadra isn’t insecure with them being friends.

Krishna looks at them hanging out together, while he’s with Radha after school-

“I’m telling you these two are going to end up together!”

“Krishna for the last time! THEY HAVE MOVED ON. ARJUNA IS NOT EVEN SINGLE.”

“Arjuna dating? Who?”

“Subhadra, she is like your little sister.”

“Oh. But you see.”

“Ugh! SHUT UP!”

Check out elaborate characterisation in the previous parts of the Mahabharata High School AU series at @eclecticwordblender

Tagging fandom mutuals because I need attention to matter in life- @incorrectmahabharatquotes @soniaoutloud @lemponkoira @askhindumyths @chaanv @bigheadedgirlwithbigdreams @1nsaankahanhai-bkr @supermeh-krishnafan

[raat-jaaga-paakhi]

(D)Evolution of Rukmini-Harana

This I wrote while brainstorming in the beginning of this month to centre my brain on what we know of Rukmini, so I could write her with (dis)regard to the texts. And what I found out in my Ruk-foray, was simultaneously intriguing and repelling. Tagging my Mahabharata people, if you want to go on Rukmini’s journey through the scriptures and the later kavyas (ancient fanfiction, guys) and don’t mind my snarky commentary in between as I try to be as analytical as possible (Warning: Strong Opinions and Wtf Moments!) – @avani008 @parlegee @incurablescribbler @shaonharryandpannisim @ambitiousandcunning​ @glyphenthusiast​ @mayavanavihariniharini @allegoriesinmediasres @walburgablack​ @jigyask​ @heyifinallyhaveablog @1nsaankahanhai-bkr from the top of my head. Under the cut, for this is detailed. 

Mahabharata

Rukmini-Haran legend is outlined in several places: that Sabha scene we all seem to love unanimously, Krishna-Draupadi in exile, Arjuna describing Krishna’s feats, and in Udyoga parva when Rukmi comes to help in the war. Other times, she is mentioned as mother of Pradyumna (in fact, Pradyumna’s name is mostly replaced by “son of Rukmini”). Only details being: Rukmini was meant to be Shishupala’s, Krishna came, abducted her, fought off Rukmi who had taken an oath to not return without killing him, Rukmi builds Bhojakata due to his defeat. Rukmi is mentioned a few times to have learned battlecraft from a kimpurusha Druma (whose name is often written as Drona, eliciting confusion between Dronacharya of Hastinapur), from whom he gets Indra’s bow which is said to be equal to Gandiva and Sharnga.

- BORI CE Mbh, Translated by B. Debroy.

He comes with an akshauini to Pandavas’ camp where he is welcomed warmly enough, until he opens his big mouth and says, “Dudes, if you all are afraid of the Kauravas, I can help!” Insert big, smug smile. Krishna is present, but silent. Arjuna speaks, reminding Rukmi that he sought no help from anyone at multiple times (he goes harcore here *grins*), and wouldn’t need the same now, esp. from one like him. Disappointed Rukmi goes to Duryodhana’s camp where he’s rejected for, er, being the Pandavas’ reject and for his big mouth. Yeah. He, like Balarama, remains neutral. (Interesting that it’s Balarama who kills him, later.)

- BORI CE Mbh, Trans. By B. Debroy

There is no letter, no mention of a swayamvara, no love, nothing, sticking to Mahabharata’s rather dry style, which if stripped of its mystical elements would be a cold, clean historical narrative.

Apology: I am not giving any more screenshots (except for Bhaagavat, because it has some rather nice parts), for this would become…far too long to handle for even me. I promise you can take my word for it. 

Harivamsa

Considered an “appendix” (khila) to Mahabharata, it contains the legend of Rukmini in the greatest of details. @parlegee​ would love to hear that her fic kalyanakirti, where Rukmini and Krishna have an early meeting before the letter and all, does have some solid basis. The legend in narrated in two separate parts: swayamvara and harana. Sadly, the first part doesn’t get into the BORI CE Harivamsa, but that is made understandable by Dr. Bibek Debroy, who comments the Harivamsa editing is indiscriminate and lacking in quality w.r.t. cutting down events, as compared to the precise and thoughtful editing of Mahabharata proper, at the very beginning of his translation. Thus, the omission, I guess. I am giving a rundown for this is what we will refer back to as we compare the later versions. (For reference, go to Mahabharata Resources online.) 

Swayamvara part – 

Rukmi arranges for Rukmini’s swayamvara, calling his boys and excluding Krishna (ofc), of which Krishna gets wind and arrives in class with Garuda. He is welcomed—notedly not by the king, as opposed to rules of hospitality—by his relative/father Kaisika, outside of the capital of Vidarbh in Kaisika’s own city.

Quite strangely, Kaisika and his brother Kratha offer Krishna their city; there is even some messenger fanfare with Indra.

Comment: This seems like something of an interpolation to me (it’s politically and intellectually stupid okay – why would krishna need to abduct rukmini with such pains if a part of vidarbha was already his. he could have been more politically subtle and all. it’s just horrible statesmanship­), and part of the avatar-vaad or “make Krishna a god so that we can cloak his philosophies and ideas with the veil of god’s incomprehensible lilas so that no one can hope to emulate him and his decidedly non-brahmanical approach, and so they wait for his next appearance while the world burns” propaganda. Shut up, Medha, you’re going to be killed for this. Nah, brain, I will speak my truth.

Meanwhile, Jarasandha and his cronies come to know of Krishna’s arrival, get “afraid” and there is this huge-ass, strange, contradictory conversation. Jarasandha and Sunitha (read: shishupala. yeah, boi had this other, nicer name) are primarily of the view that Krishna is gonna fight them, while Dantavakra (hm, isn’t he another of krishna’s cousins?) opposes that. Shalva and the others also expressed their ideas. The exact point of this conversation is highly inscrutable because, (not) strangely, the conversation is shrouded by them praising and glorifying their arch-enemy as the “lord of the universe” and what-not. (wut? why do you all constantly fight him if you know “who he truly is” and so on? are you masochists, guys – i am seriously concerned. your opponent is apparently vishnu yet you go on fighting him knowing you’re gonna be defeated. what’s the point? medha, stfu) I mean, a professional, grudging admiration for a fellow warrior is fine, good even, but what’s this BS?

The next part is even more laughable, which I didn’t think was possible. They hear of Krishna’s “coronation” and except Rukmi, everyone attends it, even Jarasandha. Huh? Jarasandha who laughed in Krishna’s face in Mbh, called him a coward cowherd (love alliteration) outright so many times in both Mbh and HV . . . I don’t understand any of this. Is it fear for the one person you cannot seem to properly defeat? Are you trying to keep peace, because that’s ridiculous when you have gone on offence so many times. Is it that you are “honoured” to be part of such an important moment in your arch-enemy, who also happens to be “Vishnu’s poorna avatar”?

Then comes a truly interesting part – Bhishmaka and Krishna have a talk. Bhishmaka thinks it’s better to offer Rukmini to Krishna outright and that swayamvara is a stupid thing – whether it is this particular one Rukmi has arranged, or swayamvaras in general, is kinda unclear. For the sake of Bhishmaka, I will go with the first. He apologises to Krishna for not inviting him to the swaymvara for he is helpless against his ignorant son (I guess the ignorance relates to “the true form of Lord Krishna” here) and…hm, this is both exciting and…controversial? Krishna rebukes Bhishmaka quite strongly about letting Rukmi treat him as a doormat and what-not and I would be heart-eyes for he’s technically defending Rukmini in some weird, chauvinistic manner, but . . . is he? His tone is rather peculiar, if you read it. He ends his little tirade with saying that Rukmini is Lakshmi reborn and as such, meant only for him, and technically demands to dismiss the swayamvara. And then, he just…leaves with Garuda. Form your headcanons, guys. This is just too weird.

Bhishmaka is sweet-and-obedient little devotee now and does as he is told. Interestingly, this is before the formation of Dwaraka, for it is here, after the Rukmini’s swayamvara is postponed that Jarasandh and his cronies hatch the plot to use the foreigner Kalyavana to kill Krishna. (just now you attended the boy’s coronation ceremony, usually attended by allies and friends, and praised him as lord of all…make up your minds, guys)

Also, it is here that Rukmini makes up her mind to marry Krishna. Hm, a little meeting, particularly the one you wrote, Maya Di, is extremely likely!

Harana part –

After Kalyavana’s death, Jarasandha’s failure and Dwaraka’s formation, Jarasandha decides to have Rukmini married to Shishupala, just like that. Here is also said that Rukmi had gained celestial weaponry and the Brahmastra (woah!) from Druma and Parasurama respectively. Hm, looks like he was quite the excellent warrior. It isn’t specified if Parashurama only gave him the celestial weapons or taught him as well like he did with Karna – both are different things. But hey, why do people keep going to Parasurama specifically for Brahmastra? I feel bad for the big guy. [Also, here comes this strange issue, Parasurama is, by Karna’s words as well as popular perception, supposed to not hold any sort of guru-ness towards Kshatriyas, which is why the latter had to lie in order to learn from him, considering Suta is an inferior division of the main Kshatriya varna. But that’s topic for another day, Medha.]

Okay, so it is mentioned that Rukmini and Krishna both longed for Krishna, and though there’s no dialogue, it appears that Rukmi knew of this, for the text goes on to say why Rukmi won’t accept this marriage – his enmity with Krishna due to the latter killing his friend Kamsa who also happened to be son-in-law of beloved Jarasandha etc. The text says that with Jarasandha and Shishupala, also came the allied kings Dantavakra, Paundraka, and the kings of Anga and Vanga. [This…is markedly curious. Surely by this time in the epic, Karna was crowned Angaraja? For it not to be so, Krishna would have to be much, much older than the Pandavas, chronologically speaking, which is the headcanon of a popular modern writer Ashok K. Banker. But Yudhisthir and Bhima are considered Krishna’s elders many times in Mbh. There is also this strange friend/frenemy-ship between Karna and Jarasandha as they have a kind of stalemate in a fight and Jarasandha, pleased, offers Karna a city in Anga, Malinipuri, if I remember right. Does it mean that not all of Anga was under Hastinapur’s influence? Again, Medha, to dissect another day.]

Now, “to please their aunt” (Shishupala’s mother Shrutashrava), Krishna comes with Balarama and other Vrishni heroes, all welcomed by Kaisika and Kratha. Upon seeing Rukmini in her journey to pay obeisances to Goddess Indrani, Krishna, er, cannot control himself and decides to abduct her, in consultation with Balarama and others. To note that (i) even though the text expresses both their desires to be with each other, it seems like an impromptu decision to abduct Rukmini, almost as if in lust (at least, that’s what the text makes it sound like); (ii) there’s none of that “coming alone in a hurry after getting her letter” event, as per Harivamsa. He comes quite prepared, and even consults with the other Kshatriyas before going for it.

You know the drill now: Krishna abducts Rukmini as she finishes her prayers and Balarama defeats all the guards. Krishna then puts the responsibility of the war on Yadava heroes like Balarama, Satyaki, Kritavarma, Gada, Prasena (is this that same Prasena of Syamantaka incident?) etc. and sets out for Dwaraka with Rukmini. At all this, Jarasandha and his cronies Shishupala, Dantavaktra, Paundraka, kings of Anga (again!), Vanga, Kalinga and others decide to kill Krishna in a joint attack. There are small descriptions of these following duels – Satyaki vs Jarasandha, Akrura vs Dantavakra, Viprthu vs Shishupala. Shishupala, after being attacked by Atidanta, Gavesana and Brhaddurga (who are these people, gosh) kills Virpthu’s horses and beheads Brhaddurga. Balarama kills the king of Vanga and then attacks Jarasandha. All this results in the defeat of Jarasandha and his cronies.

Hearing this, Rukmi vows before Bhishmaka and if he can’t kill Krishna and bring Rukmini back, he won’t return to the capital Kundina. Note that the next part of his vow, bringing Rukmini back, isn’t mentioned in Mbh proper. He leaves, accompanied by Kratha (that devoted guy?), Amsuman, Srutarva, Venudari and Bhishmaka’s other unnamed sons.

Rukmi sees Krishna-Rukmini standing on the banks of Narmada (aw, what are these two love-birds doing on a riverbank, that’s so romantic… Medha, stop). [Also, as I argued with someone on Quora, had it been a forcible abduction, without Rukmini’s consent in any way whatsoever, considering the letter is not in HV, they wouldn’t be standing there on a riverbank, resting and doing hell-knows-what. It’s a logical fallacy, sorry.]  

Seeing them together, he gets even more pissed and wants to kill Krishna in a dwairatha (dual chariot) fight. Cool stuff. Both archers fight. Krishna kills his charioteer and cuts off his chariot-banner. [What’s the thing with this? Why even bother? If you are making a statement then stop, we know who’s gonna win. Even if you didn’t win the fight, the texts would still claim you the winner. Medha, stop, you are supposed to love the man. Yes, the man, not the god men have created as a horrible substitute for the real thing. Why am I saying this now? This is a very normal archery feat if we see Mahabharata’s war parvas.] He defeats all the Vidarbhan warriors and kills many. Rukmi is not a doormat. He retaliates, cutting off Krishna’s banner as well (the garuda one! wow, boi), hurts both Krishna and his charioteer with his arrows. [Aw, and people say Arjuna only won his duels because of Krishna being his charioteer. Dude, look at this. I mean, these people straight out claim him to be God Incarnate and yet, they can’t completely smoothly modify a fight scene to suit their purposes – how sweet. Stfu, Medha.] Krishna then cuts Rukmi’s bow. [The Vijaya one? Surely Rukmi is not fighting such a serious fight without it. If so, wow. You just cut Indra’s prized bow – you really have a strong issue with the guy, don’t ya? Yeah, I feel you.]

Rukmi picks up another (here’s to perseverance), which Krishna again cuts off and crushes Rukmi’s chariot. Now Rukmi rushes at Krishna with a sword (gotta give, guy’s relentless) which Krishna cuts off and uses a sharp weapon called naracha on him which hurts him enough to render him senseless. The remaining soldiers run away. Rukmini’s pity aroused, she pleads for Krishna to spare her brother. Krishna lifts her up and reasures her (awww *waves shipping flag, completely ignoring the falling at his feet part*), then assures poor Rukmi of his safety (who seems to have woken up from his swoon by now, poor boy must have been so tired…why am I feeling so bad for Rukmi? I hate the guy! Btw, I can so imagine Krishna being cheeky here). He returns to Dwaraka with Rukmini, accompanied by Balarama and other Yadavas and his wedding his celebrated there.

There are no later versions of the legend in other texts that tally with the first part (swayamvara) seen in Harivamsa. There’s no love letter, no shaving hair-and-moustache. Let me tell you guys here only, for I don’t want to repeat this, there is no Madhavpur Ghed in the texts I have encountered (and they’re quite a bunch, as you’ll see).

Note: The evolution or composition of Mahabharata and Harivamsa are considered by old and modern scholars alike to have gone parallely, so the insertions of Rukmi’s details, his guru Druma, his bow Vijaya, etc. which seem to exactly match Harivamsa, may have been addded after that part of Harivamsa was written.

Vishnu Purana (about 300 BC-450 CE)

Rukmini-harana is narrated very shortly here, whereas in Harivamsa, it takes up a few chapters, being one of the most prominent parts of the text, as compared to Krishna’s marriage to his other wives. The entire swayamvara part, from Krishna’s “coronation” to the postponement of the swayamvara is missing here. From the harana part as well, Rukmi and his celestial weaponry, worship of Indrani, consultation with Balarama and other Yadavas before abduction, seeing Rukmini-Krishna along Narmada, details of the fights, aren’t present. Again, no love letter (though, even this extremely short version of a few mere verses speaks of Krishna and Rukmini’s mutual love), no shaving. However, it doesn’t deviate from the “original” in Harivamsa as well; it only clips away the details as if deeming them unnecesary in the larger context.

Matsya Purana (about 200-500 CE) mentions her among the Ashtabharya, here listed as – Rukmini, Satyabhama, Satya, Nagnajiti, Gandhari, Subhima, Shaivya, Lakshmana. [argh, we’ll talk about this later. just know for one that this is clearly not a very…right list, and not only in popular perception. jambavati isn’t mentioned; satya, nagnajiti, gandhari and lakshmana are having an identity crisis amongst themselves. basically, the text(s) is (are) only sure about rukmini and satyabhama. pardonable, for they happen to be krishna’s most famous wives. i feel so bad.]

Bhaagavat Purana (about 500-1000 CE)

Oh, yeah, this one is interesting. Unlike Vishnu Purana, Bhaagavat is all about the details. (reminds me of amitabh sir in badla every time i say this word.) There are omissions as well, for Rukmi and his celestial weaponry, Bhishmaka’s lineage, etc. are not mentioned. Let me go by points of difference only, since the main story has been explained in Harivamsa.

We get to hear the names of Rukmi’s younger brothers, only mentioned in HV – Rukmaratha, Rukmavahu, Rukmakesa, Rukmamali. We come to know Rukmini heard of Krishna from bards and decided he would be her perfect match. (Despite Bhaagavat’s devotional fervour that distracts from the main events, I love its version so much better in so many places.) Similarly, hearing of Rukmini’s knowledge and beauty, our boy pines for her. The relatives shipped Rukmini/Krishna as well, but only Rukmi seems to be against it, who arranges her marriage to Shishu. Learning of this, Rukmini sends a faithful old brahmin to Dwaraka with her message, who is received respectfully by Krishna. In her message, she…well, makes me fangirl. Interspersed between what seems to be fanatically devotional love for her “lord”, Rukmini calmly devises a straight and firm plan for him to follow, from the going to the temple of Girija (not Indrani, here) and the Rakshasa vivaha, telling him “not to worry” and all, and also adds a little…threat, in the end, that if he doesn’t do so, she will give up her life by fasting. Neat.

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

Krishna, “in love and excitement”, says that he too has been spending sleepless nights pining for Rukmini. Aw.

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

Added this to say, here’s the implicit metaphor of Jarasandha and his cronies being the kindling and Rukmini the diew generated by churning them. (Why am I thinking of Samudra-manthan?)

Here, Krishna doesn’t bring Balarama or any other Yadava hero with him, straight going to Kundina on his chariot with his charioteer Daruka and the brahmin, and apparently reaches within one night (which is realistically impossible, except if he had something like Pushpaka, which is not so here). There’s lot of description of pre-wedding things, where the only thing striking me is the phrase “Rukmini with fine teeth”. (I can just imagine her baring her teeth at Rukmi’s back, uff.) As Shishu sets out from Chedi with Jarasandha and his cronies who have developed a “stratagem” to kill Krishna, Balarama comes to know of the plot and sets out after Krishna with the Yadava heroes, moved by his affection for his bro. Exasperated elder brother, here he is.

A despairing Rukmini is informed by the brahmin of Krishna’s arrival in Kundina, she thanks him. Bhishmaka comes to know of Krishna and Balarama’s arrival, whereas in Harivamsa, it was Kaisika who welcomed them. There’s also this huge gathering of Vidarbhans to see Krishna and they decide that only he is fit for their princess. That’s so sweet. After worshipping Goddes Ambika/Girija, asking for Krishna to be her husband, Rukmini returns very slowly from the temple, her beauty so bewitching that a few kings “fall down from their horses, elephants, chariots”. Omfg! Lol. Krishna abducts her in presence of all those kings, who rebuke themselves and shower arrows upon Krishna, seeing which Rukmini laments in fear. Krishna consoles her, the Yadavas march against the kings; Jarasandha, Shishu and their friends have to flee to save their lives. No details are given, as compared to HV. Here, is a very interesting segment, where Shishu laments about having “lost” Rukmini and Jarasandha consoles him in a strangely fatalistic manner:

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

Comment: Jara actually doesn’t sound insane or just fatalistic here, imo. He sounds...manipulative af. Don’t think that was the intent of the writers (more likely it was just to forwards the idea of fate and futility as opposed to true action), but that’s what it sounds like to me. Worthy opponent for Krishna, if you ask me.

Now, there’s that drill with Rukmi and his vow, except here, he’s said to have taken an akshauhini of men. When he sees Krishna-Rukmini (no Narmada river here), he verbally insults Krishna unlike prev. versions and then attacks him.

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

(Even the abuse here is mild, compared to Mahabharata. I mean, think of the dice game, the Shishupala-vadha parva and so on! But still, Bhaagavat retains class, even as it propounds avatar-vaad, fatalism and fervent devotion.)

The description of battle here is more intense and long-drawn (compared to the main Yadava battle fought against Jarasandha and his cronies), with Krishna cutting down Rukmi’s banner, and then breaking three of his bows. Rukmi uses various kinds of weapons on Krishna – Parigha, Pattisa, Tomara, Camra, Shula, Asi, Shakti, etc. but Krishna remains steadfast in his defence. Rukmi then picks up a sword and rushes at Krishna; there’s no mention of Krishna having killed his charioteer and crushed his chariot. Krishna descends to thebsword-fight and brandishing his own, breaks Rukmi’s sword too. Now you know the drill, falling at his feet and all, our Rukmini. (Don’t roll your eyes, Medha.) Now...it’s in Bhaagavat we see the disfiguring first, Krishna deciding to give him some sort of light punishment, shaving off his moustache, beard and hair unevenly.

There’s another alteration here, that Balarama comes to see this and rebukes Krishna for humiliating a relative. Rukmini is apparently inconsolable and he offers Rukmini a patronising (if sensible philosophically in many places) discourse, starting with a more political note of “the conduct of Kshatriyas is hard and merciless where brother kills brother” and continuing with a lengthy philosophical lecture of the body and the soul, as in in tune with Mahabharata’s Gita, to a marginal extent. Rukmini attempts to calm down, and they return to Dwaraka. The marriage is well-described, with the addition of kings with intimate relations invited – from Kuru, Srinjaya, Kekeya, Kunti races and Vidarbh as well! Hm. Interesting. As is the inconsolable Rukmini, described earlier, which finds no mention in earlier (or a few later versions). Is it so hard to imagine a “difficult woman”, in Nikita Gill’s terms? Does she have to be a wilting flower, even though it breaks off from her prev. characterisation? I mean, she can sure be miffed at it, but for her to be so disconsolate that Balarama out of all people has to offer a huge-ass philosophical advice. Sigh. Basically, Bhaagavat more or less presents it attractively by way of supplying more materials to the story (the greatest and most landmark being Rukmini’s letter), even while it ignores some other details (like Narmada).

Brahmanda Purana (about 400-600 CE) doesn’t delineate the main legend, but Rukmini, the princess of Vidarbha, is mentioned as Krishna’s principal wife, along with the names of their sons and daughter.

Padma Purana (about 400-1600 CE)

Points of difference:

Brothers’ names apart from Rukmi not mentioned.

To fulfil her desire to marry her “lord”, Rukmini worships the gods from childhood itself and keeps sacred vows. Hm, yeah, go ahead.

Here, her brahmin is called the son of a purohita who is received by both Krishna and Balarama. Rukmini’s words in her message are not there anymore (a format which will be followed by every later version except the kavyas) as opposed to the beautiful plan in Bhaagavat and, they both set out for Kundina. No army of Yadava heroes accompany them.

Rukmini goes to the temple by her chariot rather than by foot, at evening, none of which is mentioned in prev. versions. After the abduction, it is Balarama who singlehandedly routs all the kings headed by Jarasandha, using his plough (Langala) and Musala (…the same weapon they use in the fratricidal war of Mausala parva, incidently; so it has some other source than that “curse” where Samva delivers this “new weapon” called musala).

There’s no mention of Rukmi’s vow.

When Rukmi attacks Krishna, he laughs and defends himself with his bow Saranga, a bow presented by Indra. Keeping with both HV and Bhaagavat, dear Krishna obligingly cuts of Rukmi’s bow, his banner, his charioteer’s head and crushes the chariot. There’s Rukmi with his sword, and Krishna with a sharp knife.

Interestingly, there’s no objection or plea or falling at his feet from Rukmini, but Krishna still doesn’t kill him, letting him go by his own free will. That doesn’t stop him from laughing and shaving the hair on his head, though. The beard and moustache are forgiven.

Despite not having taken the vow, apparently the humiliation is enough for Rukmi to built Bhojkata in Vidarbh outside of Kundina, keeping with all prev. versions.

No Madhavpur again. What’s interesting here, is that Nanda and Yashoda and other cowherds are present in the wedding in Dwaraka, unlike popular perception which says Krishna never met his adoptive parents after having left Vrindavana.

Skanda Purana (about 600-1200 CE)

It is narrated to Yudhisthir by Markandeya about the significance of some Rukmini teertha. Points of difference:

Rukmini’s mother is mentioned to be “Mahadevi”. This could also be a title, since queens were also addressed thus. Rukmini is said to be her second child, younger to Rukmi and elder to the other brothers, whose names aren’t mentioned.

At her birth, there is this prophecy about her marriage to this four-armed divine person by a bodiless voice, kinda like Kamsa’s akashvani. Sure, go on. Marry her to Krishna right as she’s born, why don’t you? It’s destiny after all. Can I add that the previous love affair between Rukmini and Krishna is also not mentioned. 

Damaghosha, king of Chedi and Shishupala’s father goes to Bhishmaka with a marriage proposal, more in accordance with a marriage as we see it now as compared to the prev. versions (where Jarasandha and Rukmi are instrumental), as also the prevalent nature of marriage of those days w.r.t. Mahabharata.

These two develop attraction to each other just prior to the abduction, in the vein of Harivamsa, but Harivamsa does speak of mutual pining long before the abduction. 

The brahmin messenger, the role or even the name of Jarasandha, Rukmi’s fierce vow – nothing finds mention.

Unlike prev. versions, Krishna and Balarama are invited by Bhishmaka to Rukmini’s marriage. No other Yadava hero is mentioned to have accompanied, similar to Padma Purana.

It brings back the river Narmada, where Rukmini and Krishna were resting and Rukmi stumbled upon them, which is only found farther back in Harivamsa.

Now, the battle with Rukmi gets interesting here. There is no archery or even swordfight; rather, Krishna takes his chakra to battle. Fearful, Rukmini asks Krishna to bless her brother with the “divine eye”. Krishna obeys, “pleased” by Rukmini. Rukmi’s ignorance taken away, he offers auspicious prayers to Krishna, who, pleased at the brother this time, blesses him and speaks “blissful words”. Rukmi happily goes back to Kundina. No Bhojkata, no insult, no killing or fighting.

Even the marriage isn’t celebrated in Dwaraka, but on the very banks of Narmada, in the presence of pious sages and other brahmins.

A long explanation of the significance of Rukmini tirtha is given in details, which we don’t find in prev. versions and which I have no energy to go over, for it isn’t significant to either the topic, or even Rukmini in general.

In a nutshell, Skanda Purana takes a decided and marked departure from the martial, the political and the more realistic, to the more mystical realms that have surrounded Krishna and his actions. Do we see a pattern here?

Brahmavaivarta Purana (about 700-1500 CE)

God, I hate this one so much. In a nutshell, guys, it goes several steps ahead of Skanda Purana and goes for a classic social marriage, as is prevalent nowadays. There’s no abduction, no Shishupala, no love, no resistance from Rukmi, no agency from either the bride or the groom. Nothing.

[Instead of Rukmini-harana, or even Rukmini-swayamvara, the headings become “Rukmini Udvaah Prastaav varnan” (description of proposal of Rukmini’s marriage) and then, “Rukmini Vivaahe Yuddham” (fight in Rukmini’s marriage). Credit where credit’s due, I learnt from an online friend about the Sanskrit titles.]

No message is sent by Rukmini, but a brahmin messenger does go with a proposal of marriage. He is sent by Bhishmaka instead of Rukmini. What’s more, the letter was addressed to Ugrasena, and it’s not Krishna, or even Balarama, who receives the proposal. It is Ugrasena, stepping into the limelight where before he had no role to play except that of a figurehead and a tortured father as per the texts.

In Kundina (described in detail for the first time, with the classic mahajanapada-style ditch around it), Krishna and Rukmini have a nice social marriage, presided over by all the elders and kings, with Bhishma, Drona, Duryodhana etc. and the Pandavas in attendance. Again, no mention of Jarasandha, but there’s a fight between Balarama and Shishupala, Dantavakra, Rukmi and Shalva, ending in a sorta mysterious, inconclusive defeat.

How interesting is it, that Brahmavaivarta is a text dedicated to, er, Radha-Krishna, an idea that didn’t exist until the Bhakti movement. So they just decide that no, such a daredevil mariage between lovers won’t do. It has to be society forcing these two together (rather than apart, as we see in Mahabharata et al), because it is Radha and Krishna whose relationship is against society, the rebellion of rebellions in the name of true love nd devotion, blah-blah. Forgive my tone, please, but I am pissed off, ‘kay?

The concerted effort to make everything in Krishna’s life, except Radha (oh, because they are the Supreme in Goloka, which is even above Kailasa and Vaikuntha, and nothing can separate them and all), socially acceptable because he’s their “God” who can do no wrong except if in “true love for Radha” (when the dude clearly rebelled against society any chance he got) is ridiculous. Esp. this! Damn, don’t make my girl into this insignificant little thing. Harivamsa and Vishnu Purana were silent about Rukmini’s letter too, but at least both mentioned clear attraction and interest between Krishna-Rukmini.

Digressing: Also, why is Krishna such a sap here, suddenly? Or why does the Radha-Krishna pairing (which originally symbolises the Jeevatma-Paramatma or devotee-god relationship,) need Krishna to chase her ceaselessly and for all his actions to lead up to her, despite him advocating being a man of action in the real world? I am sorry for being so vocal; it’s probably just my pent-up frustration from that horrible Radha-Krishna serial where this Krishna (gosh, I can’t even call him that!) finds a reason to cry every single time. I would have forgiven it had they cut off the Vishnu’s avatar perspective and kept only the lover boy part, but they keep it and they still make him a crybaby. What’s worse…at the times he should actually feel bad, he’s “calm” af, looking as if he has transcended every human emotion, and just patronises people. Such hypocrisy. Look, I have nothing against men who cry; in fact, it’s heartening to have men strong enough to embrace their emotions, esp. publicly; similarly, there is nothing wrong with suppressing them (apart from the mental health issues it generates, but we are no one to judge). But people, when you are making an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient character…keep the BS consistent at least?! (Sorry, civility.) 

Agni Purana (about 800-1100 CE) only mentions Rukmini as one of the eight principal wives.

[Devi-Bhaagavata Purana gives a brief outline sticking to what’s known. It says that in Rukmini’s swayamvara, Shishupala is specifically invited (this is the popular notion, and what I personally believed too, and still find myself going for). Krishna, with Ugrasena’s permission (not mentioned in prev. versions; as opposed to consulting with his fellow warriors in HV), takes Rukmini in Rakshasa vivaha. It also mentions that he later married Jambavati, Satya, Mitravinda, Kalindi, Nagnajiti, Bhadra, Lakshmana. (Satyabhama is not present. She seems to have been confused with Satya, whose other name is Nagnajiti, princess of Kosala.)

Kalki Purana goes for this elaborate Rukmini vrata which grants desired husband to a lady as a fruit of the vrata, where Rukmini is accorded deity status alongside Krishna, seemingly for the first time (not considering the temples dedicated to both). A woman named Sharmistha (strangely similar to Sharmistha of Yayati, Puru’s mother, who too hankered after Yayati) offers oblations to Rukmini-Krishna, saying a prayer: “O Lord, offerer of boons, accept the camphor, molasses and sandalwood with your beloved Rukmini, princess of Vidarbha. O lotus-eyed one, possesor of pitambara and four arms, supreme of gods. Please be satisfied with me and protect me with Rukmini.” It’s far longer, but this is the gist. Is this still Krishna we are speaking of? Huh, all these rituals and Krishna don’t sit well.]

I have only been able to catch hold of so many texts, and of the others, Markandeya Purana (about 250-700 CE) and Shiva Purana (about 1000-1400 CE) do not even mention Rukmini. Mudgala Purana only says Lord Krishna had 16,008 beautiful wives and washes its hands off. 

Note: Mathematician and Vedic shastra writer Baudhayana cites Rukmini/Krishna as an example of Rakshasa vivaha.

Sanskrit Literature

So after the Puranas kinda close off the (d)evolution with turning such interesting stuff to the dry social marriage w.r.t. to the parallel evolution of Radha-Krishna, where the concept of Krishna shifted completely from a socio-political persona with mild godlike touch to become a complete love god (as also the lord of the universe)… Rukmini rises again in later literature, of what, by modern standards, would be ancient fanfiction. Lol. There are loads of poetic descriptions (think Kalidasa) that embellishes the narrative – for example, the beauty of sunrise described for paragraphs onto paragraphs. (Yeah, I skimmed those. I was too interested in some Rukmini action. Will appreciate the poetry later.)

References are made to the Rukmini-haran incident in Shishupala-vadham by Magha in around 600 CE, in the 2nd canto, where Balarama, Krishna and Uddhava are in conversation, planning to kill Shishupala. (I hate this.) The entire canto is full of controversial speeches. Balarama refers to Krishna abducting Rukmini from her swayamvara and defeating Shishupala as being the latter’s prime reason for animosity, saying things like “women are the root of all enmity”.

It is referred to in Bhavabhuti’s Malati-Madhav as well, a love story between Malati and Madhav (son of a Vidarbhan minister), where in a convo between friends, a lady says something like “Purushottama Krishna accepted Rukmini, the mother of Kandarpa (Pradyumna being considered Kama’s rebirth), at her self-choice (swayamvara) ceremony”.

There is Bhagavata-Champu (don’t laugh) by Ananta Bhatta before 1500 AD and Sri-Gopala-Champu by Jiva Goswami. Both show their retellings to be derived from Bhaagavata purana (I’m so glad). In fact, in some places, like Rukmini’s letter and Balarama’s consolatory speech after Rukmi’s humiliation, the lines (as per the translated hardcopy in my home) seem to have been picked up directly from Bhaagavata. So it must be that the original Sanskrit lines were as well. The only thing that differs in Sri-Gopala-Champu is the premise of the story. Two messengers from Krishna tell the story to Nanda, Rukmini’s attributes coming up in the conversation. Radha and her fellow Gopis are mentioned as being present and eulogised. (Can no one let my girl have a moment?) But I love these few lines from the convo. The listeners speak thus (not the exact translation, but I don’t have the book rn):

“Although a girl, she is very intelligent and brave.”

“Is she a girl?” (Omfg, I laughed so much at this)

“No, never. She is a tense female elephant.” (The comparison is aimed to be praising of the confident, slow gait of an elephant in Sanskrit poetry, not in the modern way a woman might be called en elephant. Warriors and great women hav often been compared to elephants. There also seems to be an oxymoron as she is described as being tense or edgy, perhaps an allusion to being cautious…Hm, the spy headcanon, @avani008​ and @allegoriesinmediasres​? *grins excitedly* Oh, we’ll take anything, won’t we?)

“She is fearless, because she is a princess.”

Intelligent, brave, fearless, cautious…oh yeah, all my personal headcanons too.

Other Sanskrit works are as follows, to the best of my knowledge, some gathered from my grandparents and some from friends. I don’t know if their online versions are available, will have to see.

Bhaismi-Parinaya-Champu by prolific poet Ratnakheta Srinivasa Dikshita (South India) around late 16th century. also based on the Bhaagavata version. His son, renowned scholar Rajachuramani Dikshita wrote the Rukmini-Kalyana-Mahakavya (flourished in late 16th and early 17th centuries), possibly one of the most important Sanskrit works on the incident. This one, I unfortunately haven’t read, but have heard about from my late eldest grandfather. Two whole cantos take up Krishna’s mental affliction and pining in a pleasure garden of Dwaraka at the thought of his beloved Rukmini. Aw. Basically, Sanskrit poetry used to be all about elaborate descriptions and comparisons which would veer far, far away from the context, which in these times would be considered redundant and unnecessary. I agree, sort of. I would rather read about political machinations, rather than devotional poetry that distracts us from the issue at hand, thank you very much. Stfu, Medha.

We have Parvati-Rukminiya by astrologer poet Vidya Madhav in late 17th century, which narrates two marriages at a time – Shiva/Parvati and Krishna/Rukmini. Rukmini-Parinaya was written by Ram Varman of Trivancore in the middle 18th century.

Rukmini-Haranam-Mahakavyam, by Kashinatha Sharma Dvivedi, was published first in 1966 AD. (This one, my eldest grandmother straight up read to me, Bengal-ising it while she read. It was arduous, but I was old enough to bear the long hours.) Here, we find a few deviations from Bhaagavat – We find a long description of Rukmini straight up from birth to youth (yikes, that’s what I was attempting to do in my Yugantaram fic). It’s not a lot of characterisation, though – mainly dramatisation, if I remember correctly. (Unfortunately, I don’t know if we have that book any more.) The second canto has a description of Narada, who comes to Bhishmaka’s court bearing Krishna’s tales, which we don’t find in prev. versions, and who appears in the first canto of Magha’s Shishupala-vadham as well. In the third canto, Rukmini, hearing all this, falls in love and is treated by the royal physicians and offered consolation by her friends. (Here’s to one of my best-beloved lines of Hema’s Meerabai, ‘Is love an affliction, that you can cure?’) The next four cantos dramatise and stretch this love-struck Rukmini – with lovely descriptions of the moon, the seasons, the royal garden, etc. The next three cantos describe Rukmini’s marriage being fixed to Shishu by Rukmi, her sending the brahmin messenger to Krishna, a vivid description of Krishna’s beauty (as a young gal, I fell in love with that, yeah, I know, sorry) and an equally beautiful description of the dawn (which may be compared to the description of dawn in Shishupala-vadham by Magha… people are really fond of poeticising political and social issues to hide their significance behind glamour. Medha, stop). In the next canto, Krishna begins his journey to Vidarbha with obeisance to Lord Shiva, which isn’t present anywhere else. It is worth mentioning that the poet also starts his epic poem with salutations to Shiva as well, and states that he composed the entire poem with the grace of Lord Shiva. There’s a lot more descriptions, along with the deviation of Rukmini being guarded on orders of Shishupala rather than those of Rukmi, but the skeleton is all Bhaagavat. Sharma Dvivedi has been inspired heavily by Magha. It stands that his Rukmini-Haranam-Mahakavyam is the most successful rendering of the legend.

It has come to my knowledge that there are other Sanskrit literary works on these two as well but…I just don’t have the energy, sorry. There is a time and place for poetry and devotional fervour. Let me just say, with absolute relish on my side, that it is the Bhaagavat version that is preferred by our predecessors unanimously and all the Sanskrit literature is based on that. Personally, my go-to is Harivamsa and Bhaagavat as well, especially since they have the oldest layers of puranic text. I mean, just imagine, if all later retellings had been based on Brahmavaivarta rather than Bhaagavat. There would be no Rukmini-lovers at all! I mean, the first love does start from the most popular version, after all. It never fails to intrigue me, how legends undergo these modifications, and none of it is a coincidence.

Much love,

Medha

[fuwafuwamedb]

Kinktober - October 16 (Karna, Gudako)

Somnophilia (Sleeping lover Kink)

She slept so peacefully.

Her hair was splayed out across the pillow. Her eyes were closed, with thick lashes blocking his view of those eyes. The white tanktop she wore was riding up, exposing her midriff to the room. Her blankets were bunched up around her feet.

He moved quietly, closing the door to the room and heading over to her side. Even as she lay in the moonlight, drenched in the evening’s radiance, he found that she looked lonesome.

The woman was always beautiful during the day. It was true that she was quite charming when awake, but right now…

When she lay in repose, there was just something more.

He couldn’t help but to feel drawn to her side, like a moth to a flame. The feel of her presence, of what he could do if he drew close enough; it was too tempting for any saint.

And he was far from such a thing.

The crisp sheets met his fingers as he climbed onto the bed.

His lips traced along the other’s arm, loosely touching with a featherlike grace.

The woman had been near his brother.

He’d seen her lips form that soft smile that they held now. He’d seen the glowing look on her face, the arms that lay at her sides wrapping around Arjuna’s waist.

But this was not about Arjuna now.

Karna leaned in, his lips grazing lightly to the woman’s own.

What was her name? Who was she? Did she truly find fascination in this world and in the wilds of his brother’s life? Had his brother mentioned him? Spoke of the curse of the moonlight and the need for energy from others?

The woman hummed beneath him.

Those sweet arms were wrapping around his shoulders, pulling him in.

Acceptance.

Each kiss was a heady wine, luring him deeper and deeper into her delicate flavors. Her voice, humming every note of seduction, filled his ears. He could no more pull away than deny himself the pleasure of her body pressed against him.

His hands pressed lightly to her chest.

A single kiss was pressed once more to her before he found her eyes fluttering open.

“Sleep,” he breathed, casting the spell into his words. “Sleep for me, mera pyaar.”

She had no need to have to look upon him. His features were not like that of his brother and his people. There was no sun kissed by the sun, no dark locks to lose sight of amongst the mighty jungles nearby. His features were much like his curse.

Pale.

Stark.

He could be spotted in all by the sun’s own light. One eye open enough and she would know of him, the image burned in her memory. She would fall for him, should she awaken, cursed to yearn and long for his touch with every moment that her heart beat.

“You are beautiful,” his breathed to her, running his hand through her hair again, listening to the gentle sounds of her breathing.

When she awakened, he would be a good dream. The best dream.

Her mind would chalk it up to nothing more than her mind telling her that she needed a lover. She would remember every second only as a mysterious dream brought about by the sticky heat that was outside.

His hands lifted her hips, pulling the short shorts down alongside her panties. The fabrics? He threw them into the darkness, banishing them as the world had banished him.

His hands were ghostly, stroking up those lithe legs. The feel of them, the sheer bliss of that silken skin as his calloused fingers ran over them; it all paled to the feeling of her shiver. Her body trembled for him, the soft sound bringing a smile to his lips.

“Beautiful maiden,” he breathed.

He leaned down, his mouth pressing to the place he had exposed.

She was so dark there, her body glistening from the effects of his lips to her own. He pressed a kiss to that place. Two kisses. His cheek pressed to her inner thigh as he looked up towards her face.

It was pleasing her.

She stirred and she shuddered, but she did not wake. She could not wake, not when he had cast the spell of rest upon her.

His fingers stroked at her wetness, feeling those tender folds.

“…please…”

Such an angel, speaking in such a way.

“Whatever you wish,” he murmured.

His fingers spread her open for him more, his mouth pressing to her before he slipped his tongue in. Her taste, of all things, was the point of no return.

A cursed hero could only handle so much.

And there was no helping the yearning that drove straight to the core of him at tasting her body for the first time. No sweet dessert or ripe fruit could compare. His own moan rang out, his hands holding those thighs tighter as he laved at her body.

Every drop of her body’s juices would be his tonight.

He drank in the honeyed taste of her.

She was velvety, dreadfully so.

The crests of her pleasure came in wave after wave, her lips driving him to temptation again and again. He kept her coming, kept her tossing and turning underneath him. He loved the feeling, loved the sound of her voice as she cried in need.

She did need, after all.

She needed him.

The morning light was coming though.

Just through the window, Karna could see the light coming in, beginning to dream into the room.

“Good night, mera pyaar,” Karna breathed.

Those eyes were opening, but he pulled away, ghosting to the door and through its opening. His body fled to the trees, delving into the depths of the darkness.

The strength of her arousal, of her lust, would last him for days.

Perhaps weeks or more.

“Good night,” he murmured again, to the direction she had been.

If only he could have kept her.

[namelessarcher]

If request are still open, can I request some fluff with very affectionate master of Arjuna, Karna and Yan Qing? If three servants is too much for one request please chose. Also I love your writing and can't wait for new ones~ 😊

Arjuna (Sorry, I had misread this when I had typed it up the first time and thought it was for an s/o master)

He may not say it, but he loves how you just take his hand in yours without asking. It always surprises him every time, but he knows it’s you as soon as you slip your hand in his and intertwine your fingers.

He will never admit how much he likes it when you lock your arms. He loves how your hands roam around and gently squeeze or pat his arms. Your hands are much softer than his, not as calloused despite the amount of adventuring and hard work you’ve done while going to Singularities and doing your daily missions.

While Arjuna doesn’t necessarily need massages, when you offer them, he’ll let you do it, albeit he’s embarrassed when you ask him to take off some of his many layers of clothes. It’s not as though it’s because he doesn’t want you to see his scars, but rather, he doesn’t want you to think that he’s too thin, or that he isn’t muscular enough. As strong as he may be, his physique doesn’t quite show it. Though if anything, his worries are nothing more than fleeting as you are quick to praise him for his strength and abilities.

Karna

Karna is confused at first by your affectionate ways. You would pat his back whenever he did something good. You were quick to compliment him whenever he amazed or impressed you. It was a strange feeling, but it was a nice one now that he’s gotten used to it.

He truly does appreciate how you’re always attentive and caring towards him. You always seemed to know when something was on his mind and would offer some sort of support, should he need it. It’s not as though you could solve his problems for him, but you could help him get to the bottom of it if he needed advice.

Karna does appreciate how around the end of every month, you give small status reports to each Servant. And along with those small reports, you always write a handwritten note of appreciation and gratitude. It always warms his heart, and it makes him even more thankful to have a master like you.

Yan Qing

Yan Qing loves your easy going personality, and how you just shower every Servant with affection. You spend time with nearly every single one of your Servants as you get to know them better. And though your start with Yan Qing may not have been the best since he did attempt to intimidate you, he’s thankful that you were so persistent. You didn’t discriminate against him for anything that he did, and quite frankly, he’s glad that you accept him for who he is.

He does love spending time with you though. You were knowledgeable about plenty of topics, and you even had a lot of stories to recall to him about your days before Chaldea. Yan Qing was intrigued, and he just enjoyed how easy it was to get sucked into your infectiously good energy.

Although he was reserved at first, the closer the two of you got, the more open he was to casually slinging an arm over your shoulder or ruffling your hair whenever you were around. He felt at ease around you, and he knew that you felt the same judging from the genuine laughter and that pretty smile on your face.

[hopeled]

MOBILE DATING GAME -- ACCEPTING

@junaou​ SAID: Route start!

route start: “ Hm? You were looking for me? Sure, I have some time! “ route switch:  “ I had a lot of fun. Thank you for that. “

menu interface, poke A: “ W-What, I was listening, I swear! “ menu interface, poke B:  “ Need something? “ menu interface, poke (repeatedly):  “ Okay, this is funner when I do the poking-- “ menu interface, poke max ♥: “ S-Stop, that tickles..!!..okay, okay, I’m paying attentiont now!! “

completed scene, +♥:  “ It’s always nice, don’t you think? When we can spend time together....it’s easy being around you, y’know? I enjoyed this a lot and I hope you did too. “ completed scene, -♥:  “ Ah, that could have gone a lot better.....oh well. There’s always next time, right? “

gift (neutral): blinks. “ Oh, I heard about this. It’s pretty neat. “ gift (disliked):  “......I’m...sure I can find.... some use for this! “   gift (liked): “ Hey, I was telling Mash about this the other day! How did you know I wanted it? Were you eavesdropping......? I’m just kidding!! Hmmm, thank you for giving this to me. “ gift (their birthday): “ For me? You really didn’t need to,.my birthday is no big deal.....still, this is...very thoughtful of you.  I-- thanks, Arjuna. I’ll always wear it, that way we’re always together. O-Oh, that sounded kinda cheesy, huh? Hey, don’t laugh at me!“

birthday: “ It took a lot of digging to find this out-- and by digging, I mean asking Karna! And then I had to figure out how that fit into the modern calendar, but that’s besides the point. Happy Birthday, Arjuna! I made you this cupcake and, oh, the frosting is blue and blueberry flavored with little white star sprinkles! Don’t worry, you can eat those stars. And I also got you something....oh, where did I put it.....ah, here it is! I know you like the summer and the beach, so I made you a seashell bracelet. That big one there is pretty, huh? It’s a jingle shell so it jingles whenever you shake it and it shines nice in the sunlight! I, uh, wasn’t sure if it’d be too big or not.....if it is, let me know! I can adjust it....i think.... anyways, I hope you like it! “

[danaravi]

      PERFECTLY PLATONIC STARTERS       ー       ACCEPTING.

       @finalsamsara​ sent---       ❛  “How long has it been that we’ve known each other? Feels like ages.”  ❜

             ❝  ... yes. many lifetimes.  ❞ he met with those eyes, like ice awash with fire, as if searching for something buried deep within that snow. there were remnants of the man he used to know in that gaze; shards of a mirror long since shattered for the sake of his ascension, for godhood. he thought he knew those eyes once, but they had grown colder... and yet, a knowing smile gently touched karna’s features.

       he would always be arjuna; his fated rival, the warrior who ultimately felled him on the battlefiend--- and most of all, his brother.

             ❝  ... i am glad to have met you. truly.  ❞ this he could say with utmost sincerity, for no matter how many times they may clash, no matter how many deaths they may endure by the other’s hand, respect shall be given where it was due nonetheless.

[092219archive]

thinking about arjuna alter sends me onto a whole different dimension of depressed.

when i first saw him, i was really interested in the kind of character he was and the kind of character he would/could be, as most people were. it was theorized a while back that arjuna alter was “krishna,” but nobody truly knew for sure because there was no information about lostbelt 4 at the time. but now there is! about time.

but the thing is like... okay, so some really quick history about my selfshipping experience, which kind of matters and is kind of relevant to why i feel the way i do.

i started selfshipping with karna back in the summer of 2018 (around the time i watched fate/apocrypha), and discovered arjuna through karna (because they’re related and all that; a true sibling rivalry). i wasn’t super interested in arjuna but i figured since i’d be selfshipping with karna, that it would be important to see what kind of relationships he has (this is something i do with any character i plan to selfship with because honestly? i think i’m in too deep).

when i started reading the wiki, i started crying BUT FIGURATIVELY. figuratively. i was in sooo much denial because reading arjuna’s wiki page was like reading my own biography and it HUUURT. i don’t know how they did it, but they did, and it was over for me from then on.

the mood of 2018-

i was already planning out the arjuna/eren relationship halfway through the wiki page, because it was something i could easily do. two characters that have major identity crises with their given roles cope through each other, and fulfill each other’s desires — or something like that, you know? and then the normal procedure of “make a bunch of long analyses posts about the relationship and how they fit each other ~so well~, toss in some doodles, don’t forget the memes-”

but then after a while, i fell out of love. well, not necessarily, but i stopped having romantic feelings for arjuna and karna. it was actually kind of scary? and i complained about it a lot, because i was genuinely terrified/paranoid that i would lose the two of them, despite just how much they meant to me. i invested a lot of time into my selfships with the both of them, and i had a lot of emotions for the both of them. the thing is, usually, once i drop/lose feelings for a fave, they’re gone completely. for the followers who stuck around long enough, my masterlist was a lot longer when i first started this blog compared to now. anybody remember kakei shun from eyeshield 21? gertrude from farethere city?

after some time, i began to accept them more as my “favorite characters” rather than “my boyfriends whom i love very much.” i still get excited when i see nice art of them! but there wasn’t much besides that feeling of “oh! it’s them! the boys!”

but then lostbelt 4 was finally released, and new characters along with designs came out to the public. and i cried, figuratively. when i saw super⭐karna (there’s a star because everybody puts it there for whatever reason) and arjuna alter, the animation updates... i thought to myself, “oh, it’s over for me, isn’t it? i’m going back to my roots, aren’t i?” spoiler: i was.

of course, i was excited along with everybody else for lostbelt 4! but as i looked at the existing refs of arjuna alter, and thought about him a little bit, i actually got. sad? and almost cried, but literally this time. tears were forming and everything. looking at him actually made me feel guilty, for a dumb reason which i’ll get into. when i read about how killing karna just destroyed him inside, and listened to how he just had... no emotions, compared to his “original” self, i was just. depressed.

i guess it felt like i didn’t do enough for him? maybe if i actually stayed and helped him, then maybe he wouldn’t have had to undergo this change in the first place. krishna wouldn’t have gone to take the front, and arjuna would be okay.  (it’s not that visible but if you take a look at the wip part on this post, you noticed that eren’s crying because they failed kinda thing). and this is actually a STUPID thought, because it’s been speculated that he would get an alter (for a couple-ish years, i think), and when arjuna alter was first released without a name, people already suspected that it would be arjuna alter. it was apart of his story and, almost destiny as cheesy as it sounds, to get an altered version.

i can’t even interact with this man nor his story, yet i still feel guilty over the fact that i “failed” to “save” him. WHICH, is a super unreasonable thought, and i can’t go “into” his story to [anime protagonist voice] do what i must do. FOR ONE THING, i want CONTEXT for arjuna alter. i want to study his dialogue and find connections to his vanilla self, and i want to know if it was before or after the death of karna that he became “altered” this way. it’s likely that he was, but it’s also possible that the duties as a prince and his insecurities with himself became to overbearing, which allowed krishna to “take over” his body. but the “outcome/result” of arjuna alter is that: he lacks any... emotions, you could say. he’s not completely emotionless, but it’s very obvious that he’s different from arjuna who was more expressive with his emotions; just closed off and purposefully distant. arjuna alter lacks that, from what i can tell. his purpose is “kill a god, sleep, kill another god, sleep-” man, maybe he doesn’t even sleep.

god (or lack of, hehe- get it? because he kills gods?), what if he was so screwed up after the death of karna that he discarded all of his emotions away and decided that it was the gods that turned his fate into this? i think that in the culture arjuna comes from, gods play an extremely prevalent role in life and duty? if that makes sense. it was like that in the past, where gods would live with people, walk among them, and all that. (i’m talking like, babylonia, ancient egypt, etc.) and granted, it’s still like that today in some areas, but a majority of the population don’t worship gods as much. or maybe he didn’t blame the gods specifically, because arjuna’s a bit of a self-centered character, but rather his fate; his “duty” as “arjuna.”

i’m not saying that i want to prevent arjuna alter from “happening” (that’s out of my control anyways since he already exists), but it still feels like i let him fall into this void of despair. like, i didn’t do enough so he’s like this now? i struggle with this kind of stuff, okay-

MAN, i don’t even know why i made this post, i could’ve just said “hey guys i’m super emo over this man” like i did on twitter and be over with this-

[vimoktsh]

Anonymous said: Once Arjuna Alter learns how selfish your love is he will not forgive you, you know. If he finds out you want to create a Lostbelt he will try to kill you, even if he loves you

manipulative anons

--  “ you are wrong anyway. ”

  manju simply replied , a beautifully adorned white dress with a cape of silk ; long , blue hair fluttering in the gentle wind. how befitting of a god -- wasn’t it ? the look of peace on that expression seemed to say all , with a conviction of shooting the other person down without a thought. but . . . that wasn’t so , no. ( one day. ) she thinks. ( even this feeling , i won’t feel it anymore. everything , everything will be gone. ) the eyes of the night sky open , revealing the vast darkness of the universe ; a light that no longer was shining for anybody to see. a shadow that remained even at the ends of the world , forever tied down to the constellations of karma and reincarnation. this is not peace , but rather--

  “ he doesn’t love me.     even if i showed him his previous life , he would never love me.     if there is someone he loves , it is surely master. ”

  the acceptance--

  “ we are nothing more than strangers and we will remain that way forevermore.     once our memories are lost , everything else is too.        no matter how badly you wish for it . . .     you can never regain what you lost , ever again. ”

                                          --of death.

  with those gloved hands , memories are softly woven into a riverstream. no one could escape it , not even her. just like this , she was drowning in all those feelings and memories. struggling for air to breathe , yet not even bothering to reach the surface. even if there would come a time where she would lose all oxygen and the water would completely take over her being , she faced it with nothing but a smile. why ? even this pain , was dear. remembering over and over again , how she herself had failed arjuna in the first place. how such an untimely death , something she thought she had gotten used to until her heart didn’t react anymore , completely destroyed her.

  but it wasn’t all bad , was it ?

  holding her hands together in prayer , sayaka dreams of those better times. she had always found him special. perhaps , it had been love at first sight -- no matter how ignorant. the pain he felt , the mask he carried ; she knew what it was all like , because they were like two split parts of one moon. quietly watching him across the battlefield , even gently breaking her composure , to actually having pleasant conversations with him. the rest of the world disappeared. softly , so softly , how her heart beat in unison with his. how even , when he finally revealed himself , all she did . . . was fall deeper in love with him.

  at a night like this , under the stars , slow dancing with him. his smile-- god , his smile. i’d do anything-- just to see it again. i would do anything. i will do anything , if only--

                                              you could come back again.

( what am i supposed to do ? )

                                                                                               ( i didn’t want to be without you. )

( i’m so stupid. )

                                                                                                 ( no matter how much i mourn-- )

  but she saw him again. at that lostbelt , that time , at the kali yuga. she would have recognized him anywhere ; by his face , his voice , his mannerisms. even when he had become all of the gods , she knew he was still in there -- a lamplight of memories , holding on. was it fate , for them to meet again ? or was it her karma , laughing upon her again ? he had meet such a cruel fate , one she was sure was self-imposed. a perfect world , discarding his humanity he became the perfect god of it -- forever spinning the world to his whims to attain that ending he wished so desperately.

   just like her.

   they were the same.

  but a maiden’s prayers were never enough. no matter how much she pleaded , begged , screamed -- the world turned in pure crimson , the clock repeating again and again. she had to find a way to get him back. anything , anything at all !! anything to stop this ! even that goal of saving the world had dissolved into her memories , wanting only to reach him -- if only to hold his hand one more time , if only to tell him he wasn’t all alone ; reigning over such a cruel world that had betrayed him and took away everything he loved. that night in which she grew curious enough , to look into his memories and witness it all . . .

  running towards the tree of the lostbelt as the spider lilies grew among the path  , she called out to him. like a broken record , winding itself until it was all scratched. how unlucky must she have been , when she had arrived supposedly to ‘ assist ’ the eradictation of this world that threatened humanity , and she was already seeing the ending to the story of a god no one understood. it all befalled her , how she couldn’t do anything. how even if she got in the middle of the fight , pleading , this was already lost. fate had already decided.

  who are you to continue denying it ?

  a part of her wondered if , he had ever heard her speak his name with such melancholy and loss. with such disbelief , as he faded away. how the stars fall into her hands and then explode. it was engraved into her mind , playing and interwinning with the first time she had lost him ; blood spilling all over those other , beautiful memories. she remembered karna’s words ; even if no one in that world had prayed to arjuna , even if no one cared , even if no one knew -- she was here all along. a man , loved by a single god who prayed for his happiness. and it wasn’t enough --it wasn’t enough.

  the melody turns so distorted.   that sweet melody.   she raises her bow at the master , as their back is turned upon her.

  ( just shoot. ) a voice whispered into her ear.

                                 ( what could happen ? ) another voice arose.

                                              ( karna is nothing without his master , but you-- )

              ‘ --can change this whole world. ’

  but remembering his smile--

    she lowered it and simply chose to continue on with chaldea , as the spider lilies turned red under her feet. as the sun broke through the day on this universe , as she stood lost until they called out to her. this world  would fade away , and so would he ; without ever being understood. all alone , upon that heaven , completely out of reach. and to the rest of her days , she would continue that way. shut in a room , not even responding to mami’s threats or madoka’s worries. looking down upon the hands that couldn’t reach heaven.

  she hated her master.

  she hated karna.

  she hated this world.

  and yet cried , and cried.

  the summoning that should have been impossible , her shock upon seeing the fallen god-- how the master looked after him , how everything was nothing more than an illusion. shouldn’t she have been happy ? no . . . ‘ i want to go back to who i was. ’ everything she saw in chaldea then , she had already made up her resolve. she knew what to do , now all that mattered . . . was going through the process.

  she wonders what it’s like to face death as a concept of nonexistence. and knowing he would be the one to do it , she smiles all the more. for him , she will keep praying. for him , she will keep singing. even if she’s nowhere anymore , even her voice will be carried through the wind -- the prayer of a god stripped of their title , having chosen to face the nonexistence arjuna would have faced otherwise.

  even as the tears run down her face , as they are now . . .

  even as she selfishly wanted to be with him again . . .

  she will throw the knive far into the ocean , and turn into seafoam.

  “ even if i do succeed and one day he remembers , and he kills me . .      that is okay too. i will accept it. i will continue praying for his happiness.     he can hate me as much as he wants , as much as he needs. i will forgive him always.     and if he doesn’t remember . . . i hope he never does ,     so that he can always be happy with his family and everyone else . . . ”

      i will keep singing. 

      if it’s all for him ,

      i will keep singing.

[vcsavi]

 @astradar liked for a starter !

   Some may find comfort in a familiar face, but for him it was only an assault of memories, feelings unbidden. Sadness, regret, anger. Feelings churning in his stomach, things he hadn’t felt so strongly in a long time. He couldn’t help it, they were like a horrible chain reaction. A vicious, toxic cycle feeding itself.

    Karna feels words caught in his throat, like birds fluttering wildly, unable to escape. He knows nothing he could say would make this situation better. He could make few things better with his poor, weak words.

     Briefly wonders if it was his karma for them to keep meeting. Like a shadow clinging to him; their clashing was something he felt in the very marrow of his bones. The Lancer figures most would also be happy to see family but with his brother. It was complicated. Maybe deep in his heart, there was some form of pity; but he knows that’s not what Arjuna would want. His pity would be an insult. Karna pities himself too.

           “You too,” he says, crossing his arms. It’s not a question, just a simple statement. He would accept whatever was to come.