#and that they're glad i am happy
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as usual, interactions with my family (benign and in fact only the bare minimum of an interaction) have caused me to have Complex Feelings.
my grandpa's got cancer. this isn't news, it's just a fact and has been a fact since 2016. Pancreatic cancer that has metastasized outside of his pancreas (specifically in his lungs - it's damn lucky it's slow growing and he's a contrarian by nature). He is no longer doing chemotherapy about it, but he's part of a very small percentage of people who survive more than 6 years with it. so. You know. there's that.
He's doing well, all things considered. Again, it's slow growing cancer, he's somehow lucked out with it. I'll know we're close to the end when he stops wanting to get out in his boat and go fishing. Or stops working on the boat in general. I'm very fortunate to have known all of my grandparents for my whole life so far - even if some of them ended up being major bigots apparently. oh well, when you've got 6 you're allowed a couple duds.
My grandpa and grandma are trying very hard to love me. They've adjusted to the name once i mentioned "hey, literally no one i am still talking to calls me my old name anymore, i know i said it was okay to use in the transition stage but i honestly forget to answer to it, would you mind?" and then they immediately went for the change. they still struggle with my pronouns but like. grandpa's got cancer, i'm not going to fuss at him for using she or her for me (especially during a season where like. i am more girl right now, whether i like it or not lol. it's...complicated). I'll correct grandma later down the line if I gotta but like.
they both just assume i'm one of those Strange Lesbians and like, i'm not not one of those, it's just not what i told them when i came out. so like. it's complicated.
I... cannot get over how much they were emphasizing how happy i sound now. Grandma even mentioned it in her note in the card i got sent for my birthday. I mean it's true, i am very happy up here. I'm happier than i ever have been, in fact. I have never been this well off mentally before.
it sucks a little that they like. didn't understand how very deeply unhappy i was before now. that they have to hear it now, how very different i am when i am excited and enthusiastic and looking forward to an actual future for once.
it sucks a lot that i don't feel comfortable sharing more with them, that i don't feel like i can reach out and request comfort or assurance from them. It sucks a lot that they're not the only ones that I feel like this about in my biofamily.
I didn't know I didn't trust any of them until i found people I do trust. until i found people i know i can rely on when things are bad even if only to be in the bad with me so i'm not alone.
the birthday call and card were both somewhat of a response to my update email - one so that grandma could double check to make sure the address would receive mail so i would get my card, and two so that we could catch up a little.
We didn't discuss my health issues at all. the questions i had about our family's medical history, I didn't get any of that information from them. I could have asked. Should have. Forgot. Could probably call them back and bring it up but...
well. Grandpa's got cancer. I don't want him worrying about my heart. or my bones. or my pain. he doesn't know me that well, after all. it would be an unnecessary burden to him. Especially since all of that information was in my email, and they never actually confirmed they got it, outside of me reminding them that the address was in the email - and then the card got to me.
so they got the email. they have it. they have chosen not to respond with any useful information. Just like my aunt on that side. just like my sister.
just like my mom would have, if i'd sent it to her.
at least i know she comes by it honest.
like. bright sides: money for my birthday hell yeah that's a lot of money to buy weed with (i will likely end up using it for bills mainly, but. still). grandpa's still doing okay (desperate to get back out on the water with his fishin pole) and like. i think we're all in a place mentally where we're just. accepting of the inevitable. which like, not fun, but of the pre-grief options, i'll take it. Grandma sounds like she's doing alright and it's getting warm out so she's going to be able to garden which will help her feel even better probably. i don't have to cut off yet another section of my biofamily at this point, which is always a nice thing to not have to do (i won't lie...they are on thin ice, i'm just... delaying things because, well. grandpa's got cancer. wouldn't you?)
i...am allowed to not deal with people who stress me out and make me anxious, even if their genetics did contribute to my existence (and especially if they didn't) but... well. grandpa's got cancer. and he's always been a bit of a dick. he's actually mellowed out a lot, and well. they stress me out but it's... very different from my mom (their daughter). so. they get to be on the same boat as my aunt (their other daughter) and my sister. i won't do it yet, but. well. i might do in the future. it depends on them.
i hope i don't gotta carve out more of my biofamily in order to have peace. i'd like to keep some blood connection to that side of the family in my circle. i just might need to cast a wider net and involve people i really don't know all that well into it. no time like the present to start building new relationshps with folks, right?
anyway i'll go back to trying hard not to focus on the background planning for what i'm going to have to be ready for when funerals start happening.
#heads up i talk about my grandpa's cancer dx from 8 years ago and the way my brain has been dealing with that for that same time period#i'm cool about it but like i know it's a sensative thing for others so just be aware#also as usual a cw for my family being mentioned in general#i'm glad they know i'm happy now and they know what that sounds like#and that they're glad i am happy#are the important things i guess
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In case you missed - GREAT Neopets News!
I didn't see anybody talking about the news here, so I thought that I could share a summary.
The Neopets Team announced today that they're under new management. They're no longer affiliated with Jumpstart (which announced their closure back in June) or their parent company NetDragon.
In their blog post in the official Neopets Medium page, they confirm that they are now an independent company:
(Dominc Law, worked for NetDragon and was an old school Neopets player. He put together a team to work on saving the brand.)
Also in that blog post the team talks about how they are well aware of the problems the site has been through in the last decade, they acknowledge the lack of resources which resulted in the Neopets website being left broken.
Going ahead, they are going to focus on community requests, such as speeding up the process of Flash Games conversion, clearing up the page conversion backlog, bug fixes, mobile compatibility issues and improving customer support.
Most importantly, in my opinion, they clear up that they WILL NOT go forward with any Metaverse bullshit, and will instead work on creating a game that feels like Neopets:
At this point, they have secured $4M in funding from various (unnamed) investors with additional funding from the management buyout. For the first time in forever, it looks like TNT has the resources they need to move the brand forward. In the blog post, they mention they have already hired developers and artists to work on the fixes the site needs.
From what it looks like, the game will be a mobile social life-simulation, parallel to the current website. We don’t have to worry that neopets.com will be replaced by a mobile app.
As of now, they have announced:
A brand new plot, scheduled for early 2024
A 2 million(!) NeoCash giveaway
More transparency with monthly updates from the team, scheduled AMAs
Neopets will be under the control of a new, unified entity: World of Neopia, Inc - the website will remain the same (neopets.com)
A Brand Ambassador Program
No longer going forward with NFT/Metaverse stuff
At the end, they published a FAQ with some answers that I found to be good and very interesting:
You can read the entire blog post here.
Or watch the YouTube announcement (which is way shorter):
youtube
#neopets#putting my journo degree to a good use i think#i am in no way affiliated with TNT or jumpstart or netdragon etc#i'm just really really happy#things look bright for once and i'd like to share the news#i know some people might be skeptical but i'd like to be optimistic for once and trust the team#most of them nowadays are old players if i'm not mistaken#i don't think they like to see the website in shambles as it was#also really goddamn glad they're moving away from crypto shit#i appreciate the transparency#also be nice to me i'm shy#Youtube#i admit i got a little lazy by the end#nostalgia#y2k nostalgia#kidcore#will these tags even show up
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Besties give me a diplomatic phrasing to communicate "if I leave for the evening and tell you roughly when I'll be back and text 20 minutes before I'm home on your request, please be done having screaming sex by the time I'm home"
#this is the third time i've walked in and like#ok to be fair i said before they got married that i wouldn't be uncomfortable if they're not uncomfy with me hearing#but i feel like that's a fair boundary to change#esp given. the screaming#i just need the words to say that a) minimize awkwardness#b) avoid the implication that i'm trying to curtail their sex life#i'm happy for them to have sex! that isn't audible from the front porch!!!#i guess the other part that feels weird is the whole point of spending nights away is so they can be comfortable having sex#without me around#which is a huge drain on my energy and sleep and time management and heck even gas budget#but if they're totally fine having sex when i'm out of the house for an hour as on book club night?#and if they wait til i'm on my way home after being gone for 4 hours?#why am i doing that??#i'm SORRY i'm talking so much about my roommates having sex#it's very present in my life#just be glad you follow me now and not 6 years ago when i lived with julie and she picked up trevis on tinder#and had him over across the hall from poor little fresh out of evangelical college me#(yes trevis. pronounced like crevice. or trellis.)
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end of the year again - a poem about reaching another year and the feelings that come with it a.k.a toby is having emotions about the year again
#void writings#poem#poetry#original poem#i. i am having many emotions. sad about those i've lost but at the same time they're gone now aren't they. no use crying over it.#glad for who i have now. glad for who stayed and who came and what i've got now because it's a good thing to have at all#i hope. i hope the people who left are okay and safe. happy. i loved them and they left and that's fine. love doesn't have to last forever#i just wish it would last forever.
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Episode 3 of Dead Boy Detectives is the best one yet. The murder is absolutely brutal, but it's tightly plotted and has so many great character moments throughout.
This is the most attached to Charles I've felt so far. He's currently furthest down my list of favourites out of the main cast, but his performance was really moving this episode. I also loved how it highlighted his relationships both with Crystal and Edwin, and the jealousy that Edwin feels there. Interesting that that jealousy seems to go both ways, too, with Charles being the last to leave Edwin and Monty alone at the end.
Edwin and Charles are unlikely friends in a lot of ways, but I do buy it, especially when he occasionally makes Edwin smile. Here, Edwin is confronted with the fact that he actually doesn't know many of the deeper parts of Charles' life, and that he maybe hasn't shared all of his own. Really nicely done.
Edwin's sexuality crisis continues to be really compelling. I actually adore his dynamic with Monty. I know he's literally a plant by Esther, but their tiny interactions so far have so much chemistry. I also have Thoughts on why Edwin is more open to him than the Cat King, and it's the plausible deniability of it all. The Cat King was extremely upfront about what he wanted from Edwin, and Edwin could not quite bring himself to admit he even understood what that was. Whereas with Monty he's able to retreat behind his protests that "he is a boy and I am a boy, if anything he just enjoys ghosts".
Also! Crsytal and Edwin are becoming friends!!! Crystal's my second favourite character and I'm so happy they're warming up to each other. Edwin is such a spiky character but I love him and want everyone else to love him. On that note, him being understanding to Niko about her trauma also made me very happy. Edwin is not budging as my favourite character!
Small things:
Esther continues to have the best, most over the top performance. Perfect, no notes.
Niko yaoi enjoyer and general weirdo, I love her so much <3
#dead boy detectives#the case of the devlin house#edwin paine#oh no I'm gaining a new blorbo#he's just my type too: repressed and/or uptight gay#if only all my repressed uptight gay blorbos from different media could become friends#I am getting more and more into this show and I'm so glad#because I spent most of the first episode being really annoyed I didn't like it more#I still wish they'd done a better job in episode 1 but it's so good now! I'm completely hooked!#I'm enjoying going through it at a measured rate rather than bingeing it all in one night#also crystal's preeeetty#still hard for me to remember they're supposed to be teenagers lol#let them be adults! it's not like they're at school!#dbd#mine#dbd mine#reactions#edwin#I love when my reaction posts are me explaining my thoughts eloquently in detail#in stark contrast to my actual bearing#just know that re: all of the Edwin bits I am actually squealing and happy flapping
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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cw/tw. gif(s), child neglect, depiction of starvation & frostbite, suicidal thoughts
꧁
𝐆𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝐀𝐜𝐭 𝐈𝐈
Candour of Light and Shadows
Quest Started
I still think
Some people were born a shadow.
"ーHappy birthday, sweetheart!"
"Thanks, mama!"
"May Lady Tsaritsa bless my little snowflake so he grows up big and healthy... And may She protect you from all dangers and surround you with love and happiness!"
"..... Mama, what about-"
"Hold on, darling."
Every year, instead of burning candles, I burn the memories of you.
Every year, instead of huddling in front of a warm fireplace, I relive the memories of the icy grave you call home.
Every year....
I wonder.
Why didn't you just di̴̖̊ë̷̻͙́̒̿̆ that day?
Why did the gods pity you when your own blood couldn't care less?
Why you? Why me? Why us?
I dare not defy the fate bestowed upon me. This is the role we were bestowed with. The second option. The second best. The supporting role.
The shadow.
....
But maybe....
........
Just... maybe.
.............
Maybe all this time, I've been tricking myself, thinking I was undeserving. Of the spotlight. Of the warm fireplace. Of..... a home.
“....”
“Wha....?”
“Happy birthday, Cov!!”
“My my, did we catch you off-guard so much you were about to unsheathe your sword?”
“Ah... I'm..... sorry.......”
“It's fine, it's fine. More importantly, do you like chocolate cakes? I had no idea what kind of cake you'd like but since you love hot chocolate and cookies, I thought you'd like themー”
“......”
“Cov?”
“...........”
“Thank you.”
Maybe one day, I'll be able to feel truly worthy of this.
......
I guess…. Just for today, I can be the light.
𝐆𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝐀𝐜𝐭 𝐈𝐈 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞
Candour of Light and Shadows
Quest Completed
[ To be continued(?) ]
#rin's adopted children: coviello#rin's queue is serving tea#happy birthday my child my baby my traumatized pookie with trust issues#i somehow managed to finish this an hour before their birthday here#and i already said it on their last story quest but#it still baffles me that they're well liked. i love them (/p) dearly and i'm glad people find them interesting enough-#-to care about. idk. it just. i don't think i'll ever not feel awed about this#thank you always for the love and support to this character#more of them coming soon. maybe. mayhaps even more than them. maybe they'll get a brother and a sister soon#ps. i am swamped with stuff and has no energy right now. please know i'm not ignoring asks and messages but i'm just directing-#-the little energy i have to more important/urgent things. i'll be fine. will be back soon. hopefully.
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First Kanaphan Puitrakul as Alan Anantachai in Midnight Series: Moonlight Chicken (2023)
Mr. Gaipa. I just changed my phone number. Can I please have your chat ID? / Yes? / In case the headquarter asks for more documents. You can just take a photo and send it to me. / Ah, of course.
#moonlight chicken#midnight series#alan anantachai#first kanaphan#*gifs#those smiles! he's so embarrassing (affectionate)#why did i think this was not the first time gaipa came to the bank after the funeral#what happened in those earlier visits that made alan smiles so brightly like this#but i am just so glad this happened after both alan and wen cleaned their mess#*that said if they're happy then i'm happy*
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wahoo i decided i am going 2 actually do cliquetober this year after a solid couple of years of meaning to - figured i'd post day one, albeit a bit late, while i catch up on day two!
cliquetober '24 day one - corazón
"but for goodness' sake, do the years seem
way too short for my soul, corazón"
#cliquetober#clique art#twenty one pilots#just some fun things:#so of course we've got the heart for corazón#and the yellow daisy petals#and note the black painted hands#i actually got the shape they're in from the overcompensate mv#also incorporated clancy's psychokinesis thingy#yippee#it feels nice to actually get back 2 makin stuff and feeling motivated#genuinely so glad 4 clancy tour & clancy in general for getting me back into this headspace#stoked 2 post day two and everything else and have some fun with this#pilotsposting#art stuff#tyler joseph#clancy#also i never really do anything in this style so while it's not perfect i'm very happy with it & am glad 2 have dipped into newish territor#may have 2 do more of this kinda stuff so i can improve a lil#HELP ME i just now went back to edit these tags because i. just noticed the banner (slight chance i was going for stole) ....#makes the dangerous bend symbol#this was entirely a happy accident oh i am chuckling
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opening the group chat for the first time today and there's like 200 new messages because everyone's Going Through It today it seems but one of my friends dropped 'I'm separating from [terrible boyfriend she's been living with for like eight years] for real this time, I just moved a bunch of stuff to my parents' and I'm losing my mind because y'all the subject changed almost immediately HEY HI EVERYBODY ELSE SHUT THE FUCK UP I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT???
#'I moved my stuff and my dog' can't leave the pup behind! 'I had to last winter and it was a big reason I wound up going back' HELLO--#was he holding your fucking dog over your head. I will kill the man?????#I DIDN'T KNOW SHE'S TRIED TO LEAVE HIM BEFORE??#I'm-- so-- okay listen. admittedly I am of course simply nosy. of course I am.#but also I have never liked david Ever. justin and I were LITERALLY talking DAYS ago about Worrying About Her being stuck with him#because she moved TO CALIFORNIA with him and he was being a piece of shit then and she had NOBODY out there#and now they're in denver and like. it's his house it's his money etc etc it's a really... logistically difficult situation#but at least she's made some friends in denver and convinced her parents to move out there so she's not COMPLETELY unsupported#like she was in CA#my point is: I'm nosey but I'm also INVESTED. I fucking hate this guy darling I've wanted you to leave him this entire goddamn time#she's talked *a little* about problems with him before but also we've been around him before and he's just generally awful#and it's. like. I'm so so so fucking glad you're moving in with your parents but also. genuinely are you OKAY--#MAN AND ALSO. EVEN IF IT WASN'T 'I HATE THIS GUY AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THE BREAKING POINT WAS--'#THIS IS A SERIOUS LONGTERM RELATIONSHIP? IT ENDING IS A BIG DEAL REGARDLESS?? WHY DID WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT SO FAST HELLO#.... actually I've identified the source of my Wanting More Details#which is: hey babe are you in a phase of this where hearing about how much he fucking sucks shit would be upsetting or affirming.#because I wanna tell you how fucking happy I am that you're leaving him. because he's a piece of shit and you deserve better than that.#ARE YOU IN AN EMOTIONAL SPACE TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I AM SCOOPING YOU INTO MY ARMS LIKE THE CAT SAMURAI MEME.#AND THREATENING THIS MAN WITH A SWORD. BECAUSE HE'S TERRIBLE. CAN I GET A VIBE CHECK THERE. SHOULD I WAIT--
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i'm sorry i'm not being fun enough on my personal blog which is the only place on the internet i get to just be a person and not have to be professional because it's the only place my colleagues and employers don't follow me but also i'm not sorry because sometimes being grumpy is part of being human and i'm so goddamn tired of having to perform perfection on the internet
#personal#like. yeah. on a good day i would have given a longer and more thoughtful response to the arthuriana ask#but also sometimes you hit a point where you're like. i've said this. i've written this post. it's in the tag already#i don't know what more people want from me that i haven't already given. i can't keep writing the same essays again#i'm not mad at the asker but i also can't do Free Academia On Demand at all times you know?#particularly when arthuriana isn't even my area of research specialism#i am pretty much always happy to answer ulster cycle asks because i always learn something from researching the answers#(or i already know the answers so they're very easy)#but stuff outside of that just feels like work after a while and sometimes i do not have the spoons#i am very glad of cicelythereaper's response. i recommend reading that one.#i'm sorry i couldn't be the one to give it on this occasion but lads. i am so fucking tired#i have so many jobs i have so many chronic illnesses i am so behind on everything in my life
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#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED#I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn#so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and#I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀#how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but#SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad#I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for#herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean#I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to#I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore#I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit#is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia?#and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD#I don't have severe pain (yet).#I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it#so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive#I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!!#I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!
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"careful, or i'll quote that"
#adamandi#was going to be normal but then this scene popped into my head and played on loop and like#guys this scene just makes me Miserable. they're so friends now they're so happy and funny and then later in the show#she manipulates him and he tries to kill her and like. my god beatrix vincent friendship. omg.#im so. it kills me. i realise these arent the most accurate character styles but i Had to get it out. oh my god. literally the other day i#i was like ''oh haha im not going to directly draw scenes from the show im going to be Thinky and Extra'' but no actually sometimes the#the scenes from the show just hit. this line the delivery the Situations it kills me. im so hnnghghf about them#something also maybe about rewatching media knowing the whole plot and the extra Tragedy it all brings also. like to know the ending will#break your heart (but be also some sort of stunning catharsis) and to watch it all!!! again!!!! aaagh.#fun facts about the first time i watched adamandi proper after looking through the tumblrs and half-spoiling it for myself.. i went in with#the strangest assumptions of portia dies/ vincent makes a virus that kills the other nominees instead of actually stabby stabby and the#new invented biological thing would make him the winner a-la frankenstein style //. quincy cuts off his hand????? i am not sure where any#of these came from T-T but im glad i was wrong on literally every count.#miscellaneous brainrots from re-watching.. in the very very start i think vincent is wearing a mask in word to the wise?? like it was probs#a covid safety thing but it makes me go teehee for some reason. like the whole infectious thing was foreshadowed LMAO (approx 35 seconds in#also the balloons. and the admin. and the balloons. the way it's horrific and the balloons gently rain down#and you can see them bounce in the stunned silence. ooo that little detail. what a moment.#also at this point? i have been noticing the little inconsistencies in actions btwn shots but a) they're not seeable unless you're looking#Closely like i was for specific moments as references.. and b) it makes u think about the inconsistency of theatre as a medium and how nth#is ever delivered the same two ways which is really just !!!! to me. smth smth so so many ways to intepret characters and how everything is#always in flux every single cycle. theatre medium my beloved.#last side note from now: i am so abnormal about the marmorius society members who were phaethon nominees in their own right and instead#perished helping ambrose with HIS project. like. that is some sort of love there isn't it? like???? yes they're all bullies and awful but.#i've been reaching tag limit really quickly with all the recent posts. rambles i guess. so so many thoughts. well actual tags now i guess!#vincent aurelius lin#beatrix valeria campbell
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hhhhh oh my goodness, your art is so cute and soft- And I love your theories and rambles in the tags, it’s fun to read! Have a nice day! 💙
Thanks so much! 💕 Wishing you a nice day as well!
#DDoodles#Doodles#I'm glad you enjoy! :D I always get happy when I hear people read and like my tags hehe <3#I enjoy writing them :D They're some of my favourites!#Such a nice way of getting Thoughts Out - sometimes I'm not sure if it's the drawing or writing that I want to do more haha#Drawing as a means to an end to have a visual to write about! Writing to fill in the gaps of visual expression!#I like having visual examples of expression hehe - like my reply-doodles! These! :D#I am happy! Visually and verbally! Thank you! :D#It is fun to create all the way around <3 I like doing so in reply also haha#It's a bit funny actually - there'll be a digital doodle of myself coming up in the queue soon#Featuring this same outfit! It's gotten to be my favourite lately haha#Drawn on very different days! I drew the one that will post later weeks ago! How silly#It was my first digital doodle of this year but you get to see this one first! Pffft
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I miss serving someone 😩😩😩😩
#Cooking and cleaning and organizing and meal prepping and reassuring them and feeding their pet and making sure they're eating the right#nutrients and making sure they're taking their medications and sucking their dick when they are sad and sucking their dick when they're#happy and oh my god#Like I am glad that I'm single and working on myself and my mental health but I can't wait to be someone's service sub/babygirl again#lol#service sub
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1.04 // 3.07
#i love them#their scenes this season were just THE best#i am glad the writers focused more on their relationship#anyway i am going to cry now bye#all creatures great and small#acgas 2020#all creatures great and small 2020#siegfried farnon#samuel west#tristan farnon#callum woodhouse#they're a family of huggers now#audrey will be so happy and proud of them#🥹#series 3
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