#and that line just sounds better now with more Lana in there

[hopeofitalll]

okay tbh snow on the beach ft more Lana >>> original it just feels more correct

[luvdsc]

barbie girl.

if life is plastic (and therefore, nonbiodegradable), then it’s so not fantastic. honestly, who came up with that? regina george really should’ve googled about the new plastics economy.

or alternatively, pretty girls rule the world, and you find out that he’s (not) all that.

pairing :: na jaemin x reader genre :: comedy, fluff, angst ⋮ makeover + college au word count :: 24,618 words warnings :: body issues, body image, weight mentions, insecurities, beauty is a social construct, [spoiler] did something bad, people being literal scum, so much gaslighting that you can start a wildfire and j*ke gyll*nh*al should take notes, “if a man talks shit then i owe him nothing” playlist :: pretty boys (romi) ⋆ you can’t sit with us (sunmi) ⋆ i just wanna know (katherine li) ⋆ lie to girls (sabrina carpenter) ⋆ look what you made me do (taylor swift) ⋆ leftover feelings (regina song) ⋆ number one girl (rosé) + extended playlist here. author’s note :: she’s all that is one of my most favorite rom coms ever, but i’ve always been ///: at the whole makeover idea and decided to write my own version !! the idols mentioned in this fic are just characters, and how i portray them in this fic do not reflect how i actually view them or their irl personas. as always, much love to miss lana and miss moon for being my biggest cheerleaders ᥫ᭡ ↳ part of the 𝔯𝔢𝔭𝔲𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 collaboration series.

i. hiya, barbie! hi, ken!

Na Jaemin does not know that you exist.

Good looking, charismatic, and popular — it’s his world, and you’re just living in it. Or something like that. You’re decently smart, somewhat funny, and not pretty enough to stand out, but not exactly hideous according to societal standards (source: those beauty quizzes in Seventeen magazine that you used to be obsessed with when you were thirteen and in desperate need of flirting tips). If he was the main lead, you’d probably be Extra #6, maybe Extra #2 on a good day.

By your calculations, the two of you should never cross paths, like two parallel lines. Wait, scratch that, you would probably never be aligned with anything that has to do with this guy. You saw him standing outside of the door of your shared accounting classroom during your fall semester, and he spent twenty five minutes editing his picture for Instagram and ended up late for the lecture. And he probably already spent even more time selecting the final photo to edit before you arrived to class and noticed him. Absolute idiot. Absolute handsome idiot, but idiot nonetheless. A grade A himbo with a grade C in financial accounting. 

Okay, so scrap the parallel lines theory, maybe skew lines are a better way of explaining it. Yeah, that seems about right, the two of you are from completely different dimensions, never meant to interact or run parallel with each other. And once again, by this logic, your paths should never cross.

“Y/N!”

You stand corrected.

Na Jaemin does know that you exist.

You suddenly remember that there was that one small group presentation in that very same aforementioned accounting class, and you were assigned to the same group as Jaemin. Armed with this rediscovered memory, you are going to revise your earlier response and say that the correct descriptor for your relationship is perpendicular lines. That sounds right. Final answer. You’re locking it in.

Your paths should have only intersected once, the two of you should be going in different directions, and even though you’re in another class with him again for spring semester this year (since all freshmen with a business major has to take the same Gen. Ed. classes), not once have the two of you had a proper conversation with each other (He asked you to pass a note one time, but that barely counts). Jaemin should have forgotten you by now, and you should be continuing on with your side character life that you’re very much content with.

So then why on earth is he shouting your name like you’re old friends and causing what feels like every person within a one mile radius to stare at you?

He’s unknowingly giving you your main character moment, and you very quickly realize that you do not feel like the Y/N in any one of those Gojo fanfics you read religiously at three in the morning when you should really be studying or sleeping.

Instead, you feel like a bug watching its impending doom as a Doc Marten boot starts to descend at an alarming speed and you can’t even try to scuttle out of the way to avoid it. Frozen in your spot, you can only watch as your university’s it boy skids to a stop in front of you after running across the grass and flashing you his million dollar smile. “Hey, Y/N, right? We have ECON 13 together.”

Starstruck, your mind to mouth filter is completely shot, and all you manage to let out is a very uncool “Uh huh.”

He laughs a little breathlessly, and you feel like all the oxygen has been knocked out of your lungs, too. Sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, Jaemin tilts his head to the side slightly, the sunlight catching his profile perfectly, and your breath hitches in your throat once more.

“I know this is gonna sound really, uh, forward since we barely know each other and all, but—”

You’re barely listening to him, your heart pounding in your chest and the blood rushing to your ears. It’s pretty embarrassing to see how a mere stranger with a pretty face can affect you this much. You really thought you had a much stronger willpower than this, but it’s so goddamn unfair how this boy standing in front of you has the most perfectly sculpted face you’ve ever seen. Plus, his eyelashes? Why the hell do boys always get the prettiest, thickest, and darkest lashes? 

Meanwhile, you’re out here struggling to force your perpetually straight, stubby lashes into a curl that ends up lasting only a couple hours, even when you use waterproof mascara. You still end up with flat lashes and you have to feverishly scrub your eyes to remove the blasted makeup and lose a few cherished lashes in the process.

“—with me?” Jaemin finishes, and you belatedly realize that you did not catch a single word that he said, too caught up in your inner monologue and too busy ogling. However, your heart flutters in your chest when you catch the last part of his question. Not to be too presumptuous, but it sounds like he’s asking you out. Why else would anyone randomly stop you like this and talk to you for this long? You’re positively giddy at this revelation. This is your moment, the one you’ve been waiting for your whole life, like Rapunzel waiting in her tower for the one to come and save her from her horribly mundane, repetitive life.

“Oh! Um… yes?” It’s a 50/50 chance between yes or no, and you hope that’s the correct answer he’s looking for. 

Jaemin’s face immediately brightens, and he turns his smile up another kilowatt, nearly blinding you. You grin back at him, squinting a little. This must be how Icarus felt when he flew towards the sun. 

“Oh shit, really? You’re really agreeing to tutor me? Hyuck—you know, our class’s peer TA—said I was a hopeless cause, and I would need way more one on one lessons outside of his hours and all that if I wanted to pass. And yeah, I know I could probably bitch at him until he caves since we’re kind of friends, but he would also hold this over my head, but he said you had the highest score on last week’s practice midterm, so I thought, ‘hey, why not shoot my shot?’” He directs another smile your way, pausing for a quick breath. Your mind is racing a mile a minute, and his smile isn’t helping whatsoever as your heart decides to join in this race as well until it sinks when you finally process his words.

“Wait, Donghyuck said that about me?” you manage to get out, a little dazed, and Jaemin confirms before eagerly continuing on with his chatter, but all you can do is stupidly nod as the word “TUTOR” spins around and around in your mind in bold, italicized, underlined mocking red letters in Times New Roman font, size 12, double spaced, MLA format, the whole shebang.

Of course, he only wants a tutor. What made you think that a boy like him would look twice at a girl like you? The only other time a guy has ever expressed interest in you is to share homework answers for Calculus back in 10th grade (For the record, all of his answers were completely wrong, but Sungchan was a cute distraction. Actually, the two of you became very good friends once you very quickly got over the fact that you were firmly placed in the friendzone. He’s even dating one of your best friends now).

“Anyways, can I have your number? I can text you to match our schedules and figure out the times to meet up for the next couple of weeks before our next midterm.” You remain wide eyed, gazing at him like a deer caught in the headlights and still attempting to fully understand everything that has just happened.

Jaemin looks at you expectantly, his hand outstretched towards you with his phone tucked between his fingers. The device dangles there for an additional ten seconds that probably isn’t socially acceptable. Grab the phone, you scream at yourself silently, but your body doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. You blink slowly once. Then twice.

“Or, I can just… uh, type in your number if you tell me,” Jaemin says awkwardly, his smile wilting slightly as he shifts from one foot to the other under your unwavering gaze and slowly retracting his hand. Finally, you come to your senses as you quickly spring into action and snatch the phone from him, tapping in your digits and adding in your name and shared class before saving your contact.

“Here,” you mutter, returning his phone, and he gives you a relieved grin. You clutch onto the strap of your backpack a little tighter, cursing the way your heart skips a beat. “I should be free most weekday afternoons since I prefer to take all morning classes, but let me know when you’re free and we can work something out.”

“Awesome! Thank you so much, Y/N, you’re a life saver.” Jaemin beams at you, touching your shoulder briefly and you feel that very same place on your body erupt in flames as your face heats up in a similar manner. “I’ll text you tonight, yeah?”

You can only numbly nod, subconsciously raising your hand and waving at him, and Jaemin chuckles, flashing his pearly whites at you again, before he saunters off and blends into a group of other equally pretty and popular students, a few of whom look over at you with vague interest before turning their attention back to the boy who just joined them.

What have you gotten yourself into?

ii. you want to go for a ride?

“I’m getting sus vibes from him.”

Flicking her long dark hair over her shoulder, Lana takes a long sip of her wintermelon milk tea with honey pearls, a spitting image of that one infamous Starbucks meme of your school’s alumni, Hyungwon (His picture can still be found floating through discord chats, and you’re ninety percent sure your school used it in one of their recruitment brochures at one point). She’s sprawled out on the beanbag in the corner of your shared apartment’s living room, her HP laptop covered in sailor moon stickers balanced across her thighs (She swears HP is the best laptop brand, but you don’t trust electronics advice from anyone who can’t even use a toaster properly).

“Have you even spoken to Jaemin? How exactly are you getting sus vibes from him?” Moon jumps in, glancing over the top of her MacBook as she takes a quick break from her latest coding project regarding polynomials, matrices, and a bunch of other math terminology you rather not think about. You left all that arithmetic jargon back in high school after you got a 5 on both AP calculus exams and got to skip all required math classes for your accounting major (Sungchan wasn’t so lucky).

“He’s a fratboy finance major.” Lana rolls her eyes.

“Point taken, but weren’t you into that senior, Jaehyun? He’s one of them. You called him your soulmate,” you interject, and she splutters for a few seconds before putting her hand up in protest.

“Listen, I was going through a perpetual mental breakdown at the beginning of this semester. It doesn’t count. You try being a pharmacy major. Thank god I switched out to English. My mental state was compromised, and I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“What do you mean not thinking straight? Lana, you literally chose the straightest, most heterosexual man out there.” Moon jibes, closing her laptop now with an air of conceding defeat. You have to give her props for trying to work on some assignments, but you already knew no one was going to get any work done tonight. It’s a Thursday night anyway, which means you have until Tuesday to get all the homework assigned today done. You can always work on them on Monday night and inevitably curse yourself for not getting it done earlier when you end up pulling an all nighter and show up to your 8 a.m. international marketing tactics class with raccoon eyes. 

“This is bullying, and we are on an anti-bullying campus,” Lana complains, giving the two of you the stink eye before leaning over and lightly shoving the snoozing boy sprawled across the floor next to her. “Wake up, Yang. Moon and Y/N gang up on me when you’re not awake to absorb all our gentle bullying.”

The boy in question sits upright, bleary eyes and the drying ink from his notes now decorating his cheek, a lasting reminder of the makeshift pillow for his impromptu nap. Yawning, he stretches his arms, rubbing his face and making an even bigger mess of smears. “What’d I miss?”

“We were just discussing Lana‘s tragic crush on Jaehyun last year,” you say, and she makes a strangled noise next to you. “Were you up late sewing again?”

“Yes,” Yangyang grumbles, “You would think Kaneki would be so easy to cosplay since he wears all black, but the mask is taking forever to make.”

“Can’t one of your sugar daddies buy one for you?”

“What sugar daddies? If I had one, I wouldn’t be stuck in here trying to balance equations,” he moans, crumpling up another sheet filled up with scribbles and his latest attempts at answering the second to last problem for organic chemistry.

“My bad, I thought you would have some from your cosplay account.” Moon shrugs, rummaging through her large soccer mom purse for a snack and triumphantly pulling out a box of green tea Hello Pandas. “You have like 100k followers on there.”

“My audience demographic is weebs.” Yangyang deadpans. “How many weebs do you know who are rich enough to send five thousand dollars every week to a struggling college student?”

“Wait, we’re going off topic right now. What do you know about Jaemin, Yang?” Lana cuts in, and Moon nods in agreement (You try not to look too interested, but fail miserably, no doubt).

“Jaemin Na? I’ve never talked to him personally, but there’s always stories about him and his friends. Jeno is on the baseball team and notorious for his body count. He’s the one that takes up like 30% of our university’s anonymous confessions Twitter account. This is his insta, but he’s not really active on social media.” Yangyang passes his phone around for the three of you to see Jeno’s Instagram. There’s a whopping total of fourteen posts, and every picture of him with someone of the opposite sex features a different girl. Instant red flag.

“Lia is pretty big on Tik Tok,” Yangyang continues, grabbing his phone to pull up her account to show all of you. “She’s pretty and is actually really good at singing, but she's basically trying to be the next Addison Rae. Jimin models, and she’s going by Karina nowadays. I heard she tried to trademark that name or something. She posts dancing Tik Toks. She and Yeonjun collab a lot. He walks for New York fashion week and has a Tik Tok for dancing, too. I’m like 70% sure they’re only dating to boost their views. Somi is the most popular one out of them. She’s the blonde one. She’s pretty talented and I heard she signed onto the same company as the Blackpink House. She’s even done a makeup video with Vogue recently.”

“And Jaemin has a pretty large social following. He takes decent pictures, and that’s what he insists his insta is for, but let’s be real, the majority of his followers are there for his face. You should see his TikTok. He literally just recorded himself looking at the camera and put some generic caption, and he racked up like seven hundred thousand likes,” Yangyang grumbles, pulling up his account to show you all the video in question. “Like literally, what the hell is this? I have to put in so many hours making my outfits and editing my videos and all he does is smile and paste ‘Don’t have a valentine again… hope this will change soon’ on top, and the preteens are foaming at the mouth.”

“Wow, jumpscare warning next time you show me him please.” Lana wrinkles her nose at the repeating offensive clip. Yangyang merely shoves his phone even closer to her in response, and she flips him off.

“Hey, you’re the one who asked about him. Why are you suddenly interested in him? Is this your Jaehyun 2.0 phase starting up?” Yangyang grins, and Lana flicks his forehead in retaliation.

“Shut up, when are you guys gonna let that die? Besides, it’s Y/N who’s interested, not me,” Lana retorts, and immediately, the spotlight is back on you. You cough awkwardly, feeling a bit uncomfortable with all the attention.

“Uh, he just asked if I would tutor him…”

“And you said yes?” Yangyang sounds scandalized and utterly betrayed. “Why would you willingly fraternize with the enemy like that?”

“What enemy? I didn’t even know he knew I existed until this very recent development occurred.” 

“Influencers like him are instant enemies to me, and as my friend, he’s your enemy by association. I can't believe you’re helping the competition,” Yangyang sniffs.

You don’t have the guts to tell them all that the only reason you accepted his tutor proposal is because you got ahead of yourself and despite all the odds and signs, thought Jaemin was asking you out. You know your friends won’t make fun of you (too badly), but that is completely humiliating, and you will be taking that to the grave.

“It’s just tutoring, don’t be so dramatic,” you scoff, making a face at him. “He texted me yesterday, and we’re meeting up at the library later today, and I reserved a private study room for two hours.”

“Oooh, so it’s a study date?” Moon teases, and your cheeks betray you with the amount of heat now emanating off of them.

“Shut up, it’s literally just tutoring. We’re going over supply and demand curves.” 

“No, back up, he texted you yesterday and you didn’t tell us about him until today?” Lana interjects, holding up her hand and putting on a faux offended expression. “What kind of friend are you? We’re supposed to tell each other every nitty gritty detail about our love lives! Like Sungchan texts Moon good morning texts at eight in the morning, and by 8:30 a.m., we’re already getting a play by play about it in the group chat!”

Moon turns pink and opens her mouth before deciding against it and quietly shuts it. Yangyang silently laughs next to Lana, his shoulders shaking (You decide that you shouldn’t tell them Jaemin actually asked you in person to tutor him three days ago or else, Lana will chew you out even more).

You protest, flailing your arms around slightly in exasperation. “There’s literally zero development in my love life! I have nothing going on in it, and I can guarantee you that he does not see me in that light whatsoever.”

“Yeah, okay, sure.” Lana looks wholly unconvinced, and your two friends look back and forth between the two of you like two kids watching their divorced parents fight. “So… Do you need help picking out an outfit for tomorrow?”

“… Yeah.”

iii. sure, ken. jump in!

“Hey, Y/N!” 

Jaemin loudly whispers a little breathlessly as he drops his bag onto the table and slumps into the chair next to yours, his chest heaving slightly. Startled, you jerk up in your chair, heart skipping a beat when you realize he’s here. You were supposed to be in a private study room, but there was a group of boys already in there, and as the most non-confrontational person to walk this earth, you decided to cut your losses and take a table nearby.

“Did you wait long? I got caught up outside the library when Somi stopped me and completely forgot,” he says apologetically, pulling out his textbooks, and you shake your head, giving him a shy smile.

“No, it’s alright. I was already here anyway, and I got some extra studying done.” You gesture towards the papers and notebooks strewn across the table’s surface, covered in your notes from today’s classes. “Should we start with today’s lesson? How much did you understand in class today?”

“Maybe the first five minutes of it only.”

You pause, glancing over at him. “Professor Hwang was ten minutes late to class.”

“Exactly.” Jaemin nods, and you stifle a laugh. He grins at you. “I don’t think you realize how much of a hopeless cause I am when you agreed to tutor me.”

“We can start from the beginning then. You have four weeks until the midterm, and we can go through every lesson we’ve had so far. I’ll make up a study schedule if you give me yours. And if you continue to go to Donghyuck’s tutoring hours too, you should hopefully be able to catch up and do well on the midterm.”

Jaemin wordlessly pulls up his class schedule on his phone, and you plug them into a Google calendar that you quickly share to his email. “So, I color coded your classes in green, and my classes are in pink. Do you have any other things that we need to work around?”

He peers over at your screen, scanning the contents. “I have my weekly frat meetings on Tuesday nights and mandatory events on other nights.”

“Alright, you can put them in and we’ll figure out meeting times,” you say, pushing your laptop towards him and he starts to add in his extracurricular activities.

 “Party from 8 pm to 1 am?” you read skeptically, your eyes scanning over the event he tacked in under this week’s Friday.

“Yeah, can’t miss it,” Jaemin says, typing in more events and making sure to color code them in blue. “Don’t you have things to do on Friday night too?”

“Uh, maybe grab a poke bowl from the dining hall to go and watch another Banana Fish episode,” you say awkwardly, fiddling with the small Gojo keychain you have attached to your pouch.

Jaemin stops, looking over at you. “You watch Banana Fish?”

Your cheeks grow warm. “… Yeah, why?” 

His eyes light up and he asks eagerly, “Did you see the latest episode? When Golzine leaves Arthur in charge?”

The two of you continue discussing the plot as he finishes up adding in his schedule for the next four weeks, finally nudging the laptop back towards you. “Do you need to add in your stuff too?”

“Mm no, it’s fine. I already put in my classes, and I’m not in any clubs or sororities,” you answer, making sure to input Donghyuck’s tutoring hours as well before scanning over the calendar and pinpointing areas where he’s free for at least one to two hours. “Okay, should we start with meeting three times a week?”

“Huh, you memorized Hyuck’s hours?” Jaemin notes, giving you a sly smile as he moves closer to look at the schedule.

“Huh? No, don’t you always know your professors’ and TAs’ office hours?” you ask, looking up and are immediately startled after underestimating the proximity between you and the beautiful boy next to you. 

“No, I’m not a nerd,” he snorts lightly, and you laugh awkwardly, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction and put a little more distance between the two of you before you go into cardiac arrest, “Right, yeah, well, anyway—”

“You were also interested when I said Hyuck mentioned you before,” Jaemin says suddenly, sitting up straight before a wide grin spreads across his face as he loudly exclaims, “You totally have a crush on him!”

“Quiet down!” You immediately shush him, the tips of your ears burning as everyone within a 40 feet radius in the library is now staring at the two of you. You’ve never received this much attention before, and you very quickly realize that you absolutely hate it. You loudly whisper-protest, stumbling over your words in a panic, “I—I don’t have a crush on him!”

“Oh, come on, your face is getting hot and you’re stuttering. You do too like him,” Jaemin laughs softly, propping his elbow onto the table and resting his chin on the palm of his hand as he gives you a once over. “I could totally make you into his type.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask hotly, cheeks burning even more when you feel his eyes graze over your figure.

“Oh, it’ll be so much fun. We can go to the mall and pick out some cute clothes for you, and then swing by the hair shop. You’re definitely using the wrong conditioner and shampoo,” Jaemin continues, eying your hair for a quick second.

“Wait, wait, we’re just here for tutoring, what are you even talking about?” You ask, bewildered before grasping a stray strand of your hair between your fingers. “And what do you mean I’m using the wrong shampoo?”

“And conditioner,” Jaemin pipes up, picking up his phone to search up some better brands he would recommend. “What have you been using? 2 in 1 Head and Shoulders?”

“No,” you huff softly, your ears growing even warmer at the accusation. “I just use whatever my mom buys in bulk at Costco.”

“Okay, well, you should use this instead,” Jaemin says, showing his phone screen to you, and your eyes widen slightly when you note the price tag.

“I cannot be forking over nearly seventy dollars on shampoo and conditioner,” you say incredulously, pushing his phone back towards him and waving your hand dismissively. “And there’s no way I’m going to spend even more money on new clothes.”

“Okay, fine, I think I have some unopened bottles from sponsored deals that I can give to you,” Jaemin sighs, opening up his text messages to find his friends’ group chat. “Or my friends would have some good ones, too. Maybe we can get you some of their free clothes from sponsorships, too.”

“You guys just get free clothes?” 

“Yeah,” he shrugs, glancing over at you. “On second thought, Karina and Lia aren’t the same size as you, so you won’t fit them. We can just order some basic pieces online or something for starters.”

“We—We aren’t doing this,” you loudly whisper back to him, hyper aware of the other students around you who keep glancing over at Jaemin. “Let’s just focus on making this schedule and helping you pass your midterm.”

“Oh, please, doll, it’d be fun. Just think of it as a payment for your tutoring,” Jaemin persuades you, scooting closer to you and pressing his thigh against yours lightly. Your breath hitches in your throat at the pet name and his touch. You’ve never been this close to any boy before, let alone one as attractive as Jaemin.

“You’ll look so pretty, I know the perfect outfits to make for you. And I can teach you how to get Hyuck’s attention, too,” he continues, nudging you lightly, and you’re still dazed, unable to get over the fact that he’s impossibly close to you, close enough for you to count the pretty lashes framing his even prettier eyes. You wonder what it’s like to be that beautiful, what it’s like to have people falling at your feet, what it’s like to mesmerize everyone the second you walk into a room.

Honestly, if Jaemin asked you to jump, your only response would be “how high.”

“If I agree to this, will you finally pay attention?” you sigh, and Jaemin instantly brightens up, nodding and giving you another one of those smiles that makes your stomach flip flop. Your Achilles’ heel is one very persistent boy who goes by the name of Na Jaemin, and he has hit you with a direct bullseye.

“Yes, I’ll be a model student, doll.”

You hesitate for a split second before relenting. “Okay, fine, deal.”

iv. i’m a barbie girl in the barbie world.

Jaemin is easy on the eyes, but currently proving to be very difficult for your nerves during your fourth tutoring session. Your wardrobe has increased in style and size by now, and you’re dressed in a pretty lilac top that wraps around you and accentuates your curves and hides what needs to be hidden perfectly. Your jeans may dig a little more than you’d like into your stomach, but it’s your fault that you chose to wear your photo jeans instead of your sitting jeans. Also, your hair has never looked better, all thanks to the boy seated next to you.

“No, when there is a low supply, there’s a high demand. They directly affect each other,” you try to re-explain to the boy next to you, drawing out the line graph once again. He stares down at the familiar graph before looking at the written practice problem in front of him. Professors must have an insane amount of patience, you silently think to yourself. 

You sigh. “Let’s put it this way. You and Jeno want to buy the same shirt, but there’s only one left in the right size. So that’s two people who are demanding the one shirt. And the store only has one shirt in its supply. So how would you describe this situation?”

“Oh.” The look of realization flashes across Jaemin’s face as your example easily snaps the puzzle pieces into place for him. “There’s a high demand and low supply. Too many people want the shirt, but there’s not enough shirts.”

“Yes, you got it!” You cheer quietly, mindful of your location at one of the library’s tables. “Now try reading through the practice problems and draw the appropriate supply and demand graphs for each one.”

 “And when I’m done with this, we can take a break, and I’ll teach you how to do makeup. My friends will help,” Jaemin says idly as he reads through the first problem again. 

Your stomach lurches slightly at that, and you hesitate. “Your friends?”

“Yeah, you know, Jeno, Karina, Lia, and Yeonjun. Somi, too, but she’s been busy. I can teach you basic skincare and makeup, but the girls will have to help you with the rest,” he says casually, scrawling down his first answer and the corresponding graph.

You swallow hard, your voice croaking slightly before you hastily clear it. “Are you sure? Do you think they’ll like me?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, doll. You’re like a puppy, and everyone likes those,” Jaemin mumbles idly, eyebrows furrowing as he rereads the second problem.

“A puppy?” You don’t know whether to be offended or not yet.

Oh, you know, just that you’re cute and all,” Jaemin laughs lightly, starting to write down his next answer, and your heart nearly stops in your chest. You force yourself to breathe regularly again.

“Oh, I see,” you start to answer coolly, but stuttering on the last word, internally cursing your tongue at the last stumble. You try to sit calmly and relax for the rest of the tutoring session as Jaemin slowly makes his way through the practice packet, but the knot in your stomach continues to tangle even more, growing ever bigger. Maybe you should just tell Jaemin that lunch didn’t agree with you and cut this meetup short. 

But that means less time spent with Jaemin. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Jaemin is nice, so his friends should be as well, you reason with yourself. There’s no need to be nervous. Even if they’re all incredibly beautiful, hot people with the most unapproachable aura you have ever encountered.

Like honestly, how is someone like Karina even real? Her face could start a modern day equivalent of the Trojan War. She is literally the face blueprint for every main female character you play in your otome games.

Turns out, Karina is even more gorgeous up close. Ridiculously close with the way she’s inches from your face as she swipes on some blush on the apples of your cheeks. You never thought you’d see the resident it girl here for you, standing in the middle of your dorm room, let alone have an actual conversation with her that extended beyond a polite hello when she stops by for Giselle. It’s already been 45 minutes, and your nerves still haven’t calmed down.

“You just need to apply a little bit here and here on both your cheeks,” she instructs you, pointing towards your cheekbones and carefully applying the rosy powder to the same areas. She pauses in the application momentarily so that you can type out a few notes into your phone covering her directions. “You can go heavier if you want the cute sunburn, Sabrina Carpenter look, but if you do too much, you’ll end up looking like my ex.”

“What?” You’re startled, glancing over at her and nearly getting blinded once again by her lethal face card. She laughs lightly, giving you a slight smile. “A clown.” 

“Oh, got it,” you chuckle, albeit nervously, shooting her a quick smile. “I’ll make sure to not do that.”

“Relax, it’s easy. Just a bit of makeup here and there, and you’ll be fine. All I do is some mascara, falsies, and a good lippie when I’m lazy, and I’m out the door in ten minutes,” Lia jumps in, holding several different tubes of lip tints.

“Are you sure? That’s really it?” You ask hesitantly, glancing over the various makeup products strewn over your desk. It looks a lot more complicated than what she had just described.

“Well, maybe you might need a bit more, like concealer and foundation. And some bronzer and heavy contouring. But just stick to the skincare routine and it’ll help lessen it,” Karina sighs, dabbing some highlighter to the tip of your nose before seeing the uncertain look in your eyes, adding hastily, “But it’s so worth it, trust. You’ll look so pretty, and it comes with so many perks. Girl math is knowing you can go out with no money and just your face card.”

“Hey, you’re friends with Yangyang?” Lia pipes up, noticing the photo strip you have pinned on your corkboard, nestled between the various Mystic Messenger Seven fanart and Zorro art prints.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I am. You know him?” You answer, and she nods before leaning in and evenly applying a thin layer of periwinkle tint on your lips. “Yeah, we’re in the same German class. Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?”

Well, you definitely can’t tell her about the raging heart on he has for his best friend, but it’s not like he really is seeing anyone either. You do vaguely remember Yangyang saying Lia was pretty and talented during his quick 5 minute minute class to Jaemin and his friends, so it’s not like he hates her either.

“No, he’s not,” you answer, hoping you made the right choice, and Lia’s face visibly brightens. “Oh, really? That’s great.”

“Okay, we’re done.” Karina announces, stepping back and holding up a mirror for you. “Not bad, right?”

“Oh, wow,” you suck in a breath, nearly gasping in surprise as you peer at the glass. You almost don’t recognize yourself. The contouring lifts up your face, slimming it down, and the blush gives you a pretty pink hue that makes you look sun kissed. Your lower lashes have nearly doubled in length with the mascara, giving you a pretty babydoll look. Karina had perfectly applied a set of falsies for you, framing your eyes delicately, and the shimmery eyeshadow and soft winged eyeliner accentuates your eyes even more. Your lips are the prettiest shade of pink, tinted and glossy.

You can’t believe it is your own reflection staring back at you.

“Now put this outfit on,” Lia says with a knowing smile, placing a shopping bag in your lap. “Jaemin picked it out.”

“Oh, really? Alright,” you manage to mumble out, dazed and still admiring yourself in the hand mirror. Karina laughs softly, nudging Lia before moving towards your door. “We have to get to a sorority meeting now, but I hope you like it, doll. And make sure to practice.”

“I love it,” you say breathlessly, grazing your fingertips against the cool glass, still in disbelief. “And I definitely will practice.”

“Mm, good, text us if you need any help! And send progress pics! We want to see how it’s going,” Lia answers, waving over her shoulder before the two of them exit your dorm. Sitting there alone, you stare at your reflection for a little longer, admiring yourself. You feel so pretty. 

You finally remember the paper bag on your lap, and you immediately dig into it, pulling out a flowy floral sundress. It’s beautiful, and you quickly tug off your jeans and tshirt before going to your drawers to dig around for the appropriate bra for the dress. You manage to find it, snapping on the bra around yourself from the front before twisting it until the clasp is against your back. You hastily push your arms through the straps, tugging on either side until it’s on perfectly. You suck in a quick breath, internally preparing yourself for the battle with the next piece of clothing, a.k.a. your worst enemy: spandex. You’ve familiarized yourself with the awkward jig you have to do around your dorm until you’ve wriggled into the tight elastic enough so that it sits in the correct spot and sucks in all the right places.

At last, you won the war, but you feel sweaty now, flopping back onto your bed for a quick break. You flap your hands in front of your face, thanking whoever decided to invent setting spray. You grab your deodorant spray and douse yourself in a heavy dose of it before picking up the sundress and slipping it over your head. To your great relief, it slides on perfectly, and you quickly shuffle over to the full length mirror hanging on the back of your door. You straighten out the dress and quickly pat down any strand of hair knocked askew from your latest struggles before giving a smile to the mirror.

Dare you say it? You look pretty.

You’ve never looked this pretty before.

You happily take out the dainty gold heart necklace you had carefully tucked into your top desk drawer, struggling for a few seconds before you manage to clasp it around your neck. You quickly pull the pendant towards the front before slipping on the strappy sandals you left next to your desk. You grab the cute purse you bought last week, now packed with the perfect essentials, and give yourself one last once over.

You have nowhere to go, but you decide to take a walk to the dining hall. After all, you’re dressed up so nicely, makeup done so perfectly, you can’t waste it on another night stuffing your face with hot Cheetos and rewatching the first season of Haikyuu!!. Opening your door, you step out and nearly run into someone. 

“Oh, finally, you’re done, doll. I thought you died in there or some…”

His eyes widening in utter shock, his next word dies on the tip of his tongue when Jaemin sees you standing in front of him. His mouth falls open slightly before he quickly closes it to swallow harshly, his throat running dry. He’s never seen you like this before, never imagined that you’d be this pretty. He inhales sharply, stiffening slightly as his eyes rake over your figure, seeing how the dress perfectly accentuates your figure, and settles on your face.

“Jaemin? What are you doing here?” Your eyes widen slightly before your cheeks grow warm when you notice his stunned reaction.

“Um,” he croaks out, voice cracking before he quickly swallows again, silently cursing when puberty decides to make a belated appearance. “Lia texted me that you were done, so I wanted to see how it went. You look… wow.”

Your cheeks heat up even further, and you laugh a little nervously, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “R-really? It’s not too much?”

“No!” He immediately blurts out before his cheeks flush carmine. “I—I mean, you look really good. You should dress like this more often.”

You can’t stop the smile spreading across your face, and Jaemin’s heart flip flops in his chest. “Really? Thank you, I will then.”

“Of course, really. I picked the dress myself after all,” He tries to joke before hastily clearing his throat. “Do you have somewhere to be?”

“Oh, no, I don’t. I was just going to go to the dining hall and grab some food,” you answer awkwardly, shifting your purse over your shoulder slightly and tightening your fingers around its strap.

“Let me take you out for dinner.” Jaemin blurts out, a little high pitched, mentally facepalming at how he sounds. “I mean, we can go over some of the harder problems in that packet since I probably need more studying anyway, and I’ll teach you a couple more dating tricks.”

“Sure, okay, that sounds good.” You give him a wider beam, and Jaemin feels his heart beat a little faster. Maybe you don’t need that much teaching from him after all. Seems like you’re a quick learner.

v. life is plastic, it’s fantastic!

“The only thing you’re fucking is stupid.”

“Shut the hell up, Yeonjun. At least I’m not sticking my dick in crazy.”

You watch the light argument going on between Jeno and Yeonjun in amusement. You and Jaemin had just finished your ninth tutoring session two hours ago, and you think he’s getting on track to actually scoring a decent grade for the next midterm. You were initially going to head towards Lana and Moon’s dorm for your weekly anime show marathon, but Jaemin insisted that you stop by the Alpha Sigma Psi house for a small party. Giselle and Karina are both part of that house, so you figured it couldn’t hurt to make a quick appearance. Good thing you spent some time touching up your makeup before today’s tutoring session.

“Hey, doll! Join the photo,” Jaemin calls out to you, gesturing you towards the area he and the rest of his friends are standing. You see another really pretty girl—Minjeong, was it?—standing on the side, holding up a phone and preparing to take the picture.

“Oh, no, it’s okay, I can just take the photo instead,” you laugh awkwardly, extending your hand out towards Minjeong, but Jeno gently nudges you forward, “No way, you never take pics with us. Just one, come on, Y/N.”

“Yeah, join us!” Jaemin says brightly, tugging you towards him and you stumble slightly, falling forward into his chest. You quickly catch yourself, hands suddenly pressed against his chest, and the blood rushes to your face.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” you start to babble, trying to push yourself away before Jaemin quickly wraps his arm around your waist. “Nope, you’re staying here, it’s just a few pics, please, doll?”

“I—I mean, I don’t really—”

You start to say before Minjeong’s voice cuts through the air. “Okay, I’m taking it in five seconds now. So get ready and pose or be ready to live with the consequences on Insta forever.” 

Everyone immediately shuffles around, and you’re squeezed even tighter against Jaemin, and you just know that he can feel your heart pounding rapidly against his chest.

“Smile, doll,” Jaemin laughs gently, squeezing your hip lightly and you inhale sharply at that, your heart rate spiking and increasing exponentially. You muster up a few shaky smiles as the flash starts to go off.

After a few more pictures, you manage to untangle yourself from the group and hurriedly go towards Minjeong. “I can take the pictures, you should join in.”

She immediately brightens up at that, giving you a kilowatt smile as she hands you the phone and slips into your original position in between Jaemin and Karina. “Oh, thanks, Y/N.”

You wait a few moments for everyone to get readjusted before you begin to snap some photos, having already mastered this from the previous hang outs you’ve joined and knowing how to take the best angles for everyone, including all the 0.5 zoom out ones. After taking some additional group and solo photos for the girls, you’re finally free of your duties. Your eyes widen when you check the time on your phone, and you hurriedly make your way over to Jaemin.

“Hey, I need to get going now. I have to get to Lana and Moon’s dorm, so I’ll see you later,” you say quickly, already beginning to brush past him as the realization sets in that it’s been over an hour when you told your friends that you would only be fifteen minutes late.

“Wait, what? Hey, hold on, doll.” Jaemin reaches out to you, but you slip past him, calling over your shoulder. “Sorry, I’m late!”

He strides over, soon matching your pace as you speed walk back to the freshman dormitories. “Can’t you slow down a little bit? It’s not like you all haven’t seen these episodes before, plus we watched a few of them together after our last tutoring session.”

“Yeah, but I’m over an hour late,” you stress, slightly frazzled now as you hurriedly type out an apology to send to the group chat.

“Just breathe, okay? You’ll be fine. They’re your friends. They should understand,” Jaemin reassures you, grabbing your hand and you freeze slightly. He notices your stop and teases lightly, “I said slow down, not stop. What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing,” you stammer out a little too quickly, your heart thumping wildly in your chest. He’s holding your hand. Na Jaemin is hand in hand with you, fingers intertwined. You almost want to pinch yourself to see if you’re dreaming.

“Well, alright then, come on, let me walk you back,” Jaemin laughs before tugging you along. “You can help me pick out which pictures to post on Insta along the way, too, yeah?”

“Oh, sure,” you say breathlessly, your heart rate quickening to an embarrassing speed when he squeezes your hand gently, and you nesrly trip over your own feet.

“Perfect, so what about this one?” He holds up his phone to show you the picture you had taken for the group earlier, and you falter slightly. Why are you feeling a little disappointed with his choice?

Jaemin notices your hesitation and says a little softly, “I know you’re a private person. So I thought you’d prefer if I posted the group photo you took. You always take the best pictures for me, too. You know my good side the best. And it’d be weird if Hyuck saw, too, right? But did you want the other photo? I mean, if you really want it, I can..?”

“No!” You hurriedly say to reassure him, squeezing his hand lightly. “No, you’re right. I don’t want my picture out there. And um, yeah, that definitely wouldn’t be good if Hyuck saw.”

Jaemin gives you a relieved smile. “Yeah, exactly. You’re not upset, right, doll? We still have that fun pic of us and our homemade pizzas from earlier that I posted on my finsta. I didn’t know making pizzas would be that easy.”

“Of course not, don’t worry about it,” you laugh softly, continuing to walk back to the freshman dormitories, and Jaemin swings your joined hands between the two of you freely.

“Mm, I’m getting free cooking and tutoring lessons in exchange for dating tips. Two for the price of one is quite the good deal for me, right?” Jaemin teases lightly, and you let out another laugh.

“You’re right, it is. You better step up your game then.”

“Oh, just you wait, you’ll get dating tips and a boyfriend, so we’ll be even,” Jaemin chuckles softly, squeezing your hand, and the butterflies erupt in your stomach once again, and you muster up the courage to say something a little more teasing.

“Is that a guarantee?”

“Well, you have a demand, and I must supply, right?”

“…I don’t think that’s how it quite goes, Jaemin. Maybe you need a few more tutoring sessions.”

“All I hear is that you want to spend more time with me,” Jaemin laughs, giving you the prettiest smile, and your cheeks warm up even more, heart stuttering in your chest. Speechless, you let him continue on, his chattering filling the air as you listen with quiet content, your hand securely tucked in his for the remainder of the walk back.

vi. you can brush my hair.

Jaemin sits on the edge of his chair across from you at the table in the dorm common area, anxiously tapping his fingers against the flat surface. You are down to the last page of the mock exam packet, carefully going over his work with a red pen. You made minimal marks on the papers, a stark contrast to the very first practice exam he had worked on near the start of your tutoring. At that point in time, he didn’t even get to the end of the exam.

“Amazing.”

You say in awe, scanning through the last problem Jaemin had completed before tallying up his final score and calculating his results. “I can’t believe it. You got an 87.”

“No fucking way,” Jaemin is wide eyed, staring at you in disbelief, and you give him a wide smile, sliding the packet over to him, so that he can look over the exam and notes you’ve written for the problems he missed. 

“Yes fucking way.”

“Holy shit, this is insane,” Jaemin breathes out, carefully reading through each page, and to his utter amazement, he understands every note and explanation you had added next to each incorrect question. He looks up at you, beaming, “I really got a B+?”

“You did,” you confirm, smiling back at him. “And who knows? It might become an A if the exam gets curved.”

“Oh my god, I owe you my life,” Jaemin chuckles, staring down at the graded exam in front of him, still in disbelief. “Seriously, doll, thank you so much.”

“Oh, of course, anytime,” you laugh sheepishly, twisting the rings adorning your fingers around nervously before averting your attention elsewhere, standing up to go towards the adjacent communal kitchen and carrying your filled tote bag with you. “A—Anyway, I brought some things to celebrate a job well done so far.”

“And how did you know I would’ve done well? What if I completely bombed that exam?” Jaemin teases you, standing up and following after you.

“I don’t know, I guess I just believed in you,” you stutter out, cheeks warming up as you set down your tote bag on the counter, unable to look him in the eyes, and he freezes, mulling over your words silently.

You believe in him? Someone who’s a hopeless cause? He honestly didn’t even believe in himself, he thinks to himself, his chest constricting uncomfortably, a foreign feeling making its entrance known to him, constricting around his heart. He inhales sharply, shoving it away with an easy going smile. “Is that so? Well, thanks, Y/N. And what are we doing now?”

“Making pancakes,” you answer, busying yourself with pulling out the ingredients from your tote bag. “You need to be well fed before the midterm. Your brain needs food. And the class is at 8 am, and neither of us are not morning people, so this is as good as it’s gonna get.”

“Pancakes?” Jaemin echoes after you, glancing at the various items strewn across the counter’s surface. “Does it really take this many ingredients? Isn’t it just the box mix and water?”

“That’s the short cut way. We’re making pancakes from scratch,” you laugh softly, taking out a mixing bowl and whisk along with the measuring cups and spoons. 

“But why? It’s so much easier the other way.” Jaemin whines softly, and you chuckle lightly. “Trust me, it’s worth the effort.”

You hand the one cup measuring utensil and bowl to Jaemin and nudge him towards the flour. “Help me measure out two cups of flour.”

“Alright,” he sighs, opening the bag of flour and carefully scooping out the first cup, scraping off any excess before dumping it into the bowl before repeating the process. “What next?”

“Four tablespoons of sugar,��� you answer, handing him the sugar and appropriate measuring utensil before working on measuring four teaspoons of baking powder and a quarter of a teaspoon of baking soda. You pour those to the mixing bowl as Jaemin quietly measures the sugar and adds it in as well before waiting for your next instructions. You quickly drop in half of a teaspoon of salt before pushing the bowl towards him. “Now whisk this together gently, please.”

Jaemin busies himself with combining the dry ingredients as you take out half a stick of butter from the fridge (The one labeled with your name, of course. You’re no food thief, unlike someone who’s been stealing other people’s leftover takeout). You microwave it to get four tablespoons of melted butter before making your way to Jaemin’s side.

“Okay, now make a well in the center of it,” you say, and Jaemin clumsily makes an indent in the dry mixture before looking towards you for approval.

“Perfect, now add in two teaspoons of vanilla extract and crack the egg into it there,” you instruct him, and he obediently follows your directions. You measure out one and three quarters cups of milk and add it to the well before also pouring in the melted butter.

“Do I just whisk it together now?” Jaemin asks, picking up the whisk again, and you nod.

“Yes, mix it all together. It’s fine if there’s a few lumps, but it should be smooth overall.” Your eyes trail over his face, and you stifle a small laugh. “You got a little something on your cheek.”

“What?” Jaemin looks up, pausing in his whisking and you can’t help but giggle, staring at the flour dusting his cheek. “There’s flour on your face.”

“Oh, really? Can you wipe it off for me?” Jaemin laughs softly, attempting to brush at it with his shoulder but failing to reach that high.

“Oh, s-sure,” you stammer slightly, your hand quivering slightly as you outstretch your fingers and gingerly brush your fingertips against the apple of his cheek. His sun kissed skin is warm beneath your fingertips, and your breath hitches in your throat before you gently wipe away the remaining residue. You can feel his gaze searing into your face, but you refuse to look him directly in the eyes.

“There, all done,” you murmur, hastily pulling away and taking a step back. Jaemin lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in. He clears his throat, setting down the bowl. “I think this is all done, too.”

“Oh, great, that’s great,” you say, immediately focusing on the bowl before carrying it with you towards the stove, turning it on. “Let’s set this to medium-low heat. And I’ll add some butter to the pan, so the pancake won’t stick.”

Jaemin hands you the leftover butter and pan for you to set onto the stove. You use the spatula to move around a pat of butter, coating the pan nicely. Once the stove is ready and the butter starts to sizzle slightly, you pour a quarter cup of the batter onto the pan, expertly flicking your wrist to rotate the pan and cause the batter to form a perfect circle. You pull out a small container of blueberries, sprinkling some of them on top.

“Woah.” Jaemin watches you, impressed. “Teach me how to do that.”

“This? It’s easy,” you laugh softly, checking on the pancake until its underside is golden and small bubbles start to form on the top. You quickly move the pan, flipping the pancake onto its other side. “You can try making the next one.”

“Yeah? Will you wrap your arms around me and give me the one on one experience?” Jaemin jokes lightheartedly, and you nearly choke. “I mean—I don’t think that's completely necessary.”

“Relax, doll, I’m just kidding,” he laughs softly, nudging you gently, and you let out an awkward laugh. “Oh, totally. Just a joke.”

Once the pancake is golden on both sides, you carefully slide it onto a plate Jaemin pulled out from one of the cabinets. Your heart rate finally returns to its normal state, and you manage to say calmly, “Maple syrup and whipped cream are in the fridge.” 

Jaemin takes out the aforementioned toppings, generously slathering on some butter before pouring the syrup and spraying whipped cream onto the pancake. He cuts out a small piece and quickly spears it onto his fork before taking the bite, nearly moaning in delight at the first taste.

“Holy crap, this is so fucking good.”

“My secret recipe,” you say proudly as you start to pour the batter for a second pancake, evenly spreading it on the pan. “Was it worth the effort?”

“Yes.” Jaemin swallows, almost immediately going for another bite before he gazes at you, giving you a genuine smile, and your heart rate again increases to an alarming speed.

“Definitely worth it.”

vii. undress me everywhere.

You finish the midterm in forty five minutes, being the first one to turn in your completed exam. This  means you finished twenty minutes before the class ends and consequently, either failed it spectucularly or knocked it out of the park. You really hope it’s the latter.

Despite being rather preoccupied with other matters a.k.a. your suddenly thriving social life, you managed to cram in some studying here and there because your mother would absolutely kill you if you lost your provost scholarship. Gifted kid burnout? Who’s that? You never heard of her before (Just kidding, you’ve had plenty of breakdowns and cry fests over calculating bond values and stock prices).

Now outside of the classroom in one of the open study alcoves, you drop your Longchamp bag on the empty chair next to you before tugging at the back of your jean skirt before carefully sitting down. You make sure to readjust your bra straps, tucking them under the ruched fabric of your white shirt. Tapping your fingers against the scratched surface of the table, you briefly admire the shimmery gold ombré manicure adorning your nails that Jaemin had chosen last week. You pull out a compact from the inner side pocket of your purse, carefully checking your makeup to ensure it is still in pristine condition before quickly swiping in another layer of your Buxom plumping lip gloss in the best shade: fir royale.

The flurry of text messages pinging across your screen quickly catches your attention, and you tuck your mirror and tube of lip gloss away before scrolling through them, letting out a quiet scoff at Karina’s latest melodramatic outburst in the clout chasers group chat:

[ 11:46 a.m. ] karebear ✨: guys, gals, and yuckjun

[ 11:46 a.m. ] choi YJ 🦊: what tf ??? why are you calling me out

[ 11:46 a.m. ] karebear ✨: shut up or else I won’t make out with you anymore

[ 11:46 a.m. ] choi YJ 🦊: 🤐

[ 11:46 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: are you that touch starved bro

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: anyway as i was saying

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: this skank in my marketing class has been copying my outfits and posting them on her insta and she has like 10k followers now

[ 11:47 a.m. ] princess lia 👑: time to tear a bitch apart

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: like look at this shit

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: sent {10 images.jpeg}

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: my followers are gonna rip her apart

[ 11:47 a.m. ] karebear ✨: she’s downgrading my brand

[ 11:47 a.m. ] princess lia 👑: dw girl i’ll do a response video so my followers will see too

[ 11:48 a.m. ] princess lia 👑: she can’t get away with this

[ 11:48 a.m. ] karebear ✨: loved a message

[ 11:48 a.m. ] somi amor 💋: idk… they’re similar styles but that’s what popular rn

[ 11:48 a.m. ] karebear ✨: it’s gonna be song jia 2.0 watergate

[ 11:49 a.m. ] karebear ✨: just say you’re broke and go

[ 11:49 a.m. ] karebear ✨: if she’s gonna plagiarize me, she better do it right like bffr walmart version 

[ 11:49 a.m. ] somi amor 💋: you have proof they’re fake? 

[ 11:49 a.m. ] karebear ✨: i mean fake bitch fake bags right

[ 11:49 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: idk she’s kinda hot

[ 11:49 a.m. ] karebear ✨: shut up jen be like your hairline and fall back

[ 11:49 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: HELLO ?! back me up yeonjun

[ 11:50 a.m. ] choi YJ 🦊: um

[ 11:50 a.m. ] choi YJ 🦊: 🤐

[ 11:51 a.m. ] choi YJ 🦊: if you wanna be fucking stupid then knock yourself out

[ 11:51 a.m. ] karebear ✨: loved a message

[ 11:51 a.m. ] karebear ✨: hey my place tonight jun 🥰

[ 11:51 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: are you gonna listen to your own advice yj

[ 11:51 a.m. ] karebear ✨: excuse me ????

[ 11:51 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: 🤐🤐🤐

[ 11:51 a.m. ] jenaur 🤺: proverbs 26:11

“Hey, doll, what’s so funny?” 

Jaemin appears next to you, and you let out a startled squeak, jumping in your seat, and he laughs, quickly placing his hands on your shoulders to steady you. You look at him wide eyed for a few seconds, his question not yet registering in your mind, and he waits patiently for your answer.

“Oh!” Your eyes light up, and he smiles at the endearing sight. “Just Karina ranting about something and Yeonjun being whipped.”

“Ah, so the usual?” He reaches for your bag, slinging it over his shoulder, and you stand up, pulling your skirt down once more to ensure you’re covered. The two of you start to make your way out of the Langley Hall. 

“Yep. How was the midterm for you?”

He brightens up, opening the door for you and you thank him. “It wasn’t too bad at all! I actually understood like 90% of the questions and for the others, I was able to narrow down the answers between two choices, so 50/50 chance, fingers crossed I picked the right one.”

You beam when you hear that, and he returns the smile, eyes crinkling in the corners, and you pretend to wipe away faux tears. “I feel like a proud mom.”

“I think my mom actually will be proud,” he says, eyes scanning the cars parked on the nearby street before finding his. He grabs your hand, tugging you along. “C’mon, we gotta go celebrate that our misery is over until finals week. Plus, we gotta prep you when you talk to Hyuck.”

“Wait, what?” You abruptly stop short, and he nearly loses his grip on your hand. “When am I talking to him?”

“This Saturday. You’re coming with me to the Nu Chi party, right?”

“Since when? I don’t go to parties,” you protest, “They’re too loud and noisy, and beer is gross and—”

“You went to the Alpha Sigma one a few weeks ago though?” Jaemin interrupts, and you shake your head. “That was a small party though. This one is the party of the semester. What if I embarrassed myself in front of the entire school?”

“Parties are the prime time for meeting people and getting to know them because alcohol makes everyone friendlier and people don’t stay within their friend groups,” Jaemin interrupts. “Do you really believe that you’ll get him to like you by, I don’t know, one day, your eyes will meet across the classroom, and he’ll fall madly in love with you? This isn’t one of your fanfics, Y/N.”

“Shut up,” you grumble, letting go of his hand on purpose, and he frowns, bottom lip jutting out in a pout before reaching out for your hand again. You swiftly dodge him, and he whines, quickly snatching your hand up and lacing your and his fingers together.

“I hope this isn’t how you’ll treat him on your date. Thank god we’re doing a trial run right now.”

“A trial run?” you echo him, and he nods, flashing you that favorite smile of his that never fails to make you weak in the knees.

“Well, we have to make sure your first date goes perfectly so there will be a second, right? Practice makes perfect,” he says matter-of-factly, and you nod slowly in agreement. The logic makes sense somehow. 

“Okay, so where would you pick for a first date?”

“Maybe a cute cafe? Oh, there’s that one place: Cloudy with a Chance of Boba!” You brighten up, thinking about that boba shop’s menu you spent a good half hour scrolling through on Yelp last night.

“Mm, the most popular place right now is that ramen place on the end of Maisie Street. It’d probably be best to go there,” he muses, tugging you along via your intertwined hands. You nearly stumble in your heeled sandals but swiftly catch yourself.

“O-oh, okay, so are we going there now?”

“Nah, let’s do the ice cream place next door to it. Not really feeling noodles at the moment.” He stops to look over his shoulder at you, and you run into his back, causing him to let go before quickly reaching out and grabbing your arms to steady you. “Woah, be careful.”

“Sorry.” You’re flustered, your cheeks now growing hotter than a furnace. Jaemin reaches forward, his finger carefully swiping at the smudged lip gloss on the corner of your lip. “Where’s your lip gloss? You should reapply this.”

Eyes widening, he then shifts and peers behind him, craning his neck to the side in all attempts to look at the back of his shirt. “There’s not a mark on my shirt, right?” 

You quickly rub off any shimmery residue. “It’s fine, your shirt is dark blue, so you can’t see it anymore.” 

“Oh, good. Wait, where’s your lip gloss?” You fish through your bag, pulling out the tube and handing it to Jaemin. He uncaps it, giving you the lower half of the gloss before gently grasping your chin with one hand. He leans forward and tilts your head towards him, his eyes focused on your lips. The butterflies in your stomach erupt in an instant. You try so hard to stand still, fidgeting with one of the rings on your finger behind your back. 

Jaemin’s face is so close to yours that you can count every single long dark eyelash that frames his pretty eyes. His lips are the prettiest shade of carmine, and you wonder what it’s like to be Aphrodite’s favorite child. How lucky you are to already be basking in the attention of her favorite; imagine how much luckier he is to be her favorite.

The beautiful boy in front of you carefully applies the gloss for you, fully concentrating on coating your lips with a pretty sheen once again. When he glances up, he’s almost blown away by the way you’re looking at him. 

You look stunning, pretty as a picture in VOGUE magazine. Not quite the cover page, but you’re nearly there. A swell of pride runs through his veins, like an artist admiring his latest masterpiece on show in MOMA.

“Anyway,” he clears his throat, handing back to you the lip gloss. “Let’s go. We’re almost there.”

“Alright.” You follow behind him like a lost puppy, and he reaches back to grab your hand and interlace your fingers. Your heart nearly skips a beat as your cheeks grow warmer once again, and for a split second, you wonder if he feels the same way.

“We’re here,” Jaemin announces, letting go of your hand to open the shop’s door, the bell above it jingling faintly as he gestures for you to go inside.

You enter the pretty shop, marveling the clean and simple interior with circular white tables and matching garden iron chairs surrounding each one. There’s bright greenery and plants decorating the edges of the shop, and the wall is covered in mismatched frames of paintings and pictures in various sizes and colors. The cheeky neon sign displayed near the front read, “It’s not gonna lick itself!”, and you laugh softly when you see it. The display of different colorful ice creams at the front are absolutely enticing, and you’re already struggling to decide which two flavors to pick.

You finally decide on a Vietnamese coffee and honeycomb swirl, accepting it from the cashier before you start to pull out your wallet. Before you can even pull out your card, Jaemin taps his phone against the screen, paying for both yours and his.

“Never pay on the first date,” he chides you lightly, picking up his ice cream. “Always let the guy pay for the first date.”

“Oh, but shouldn’t we at least split it?” You ask sheepishly, walking towards a table near the back that he gestures towards. He follows behind you, picking up some spoons and napkins.

“If the guy is so broke that he can’t pay $7 for your ice cream, then he shouldn’t be out dating anyway. He should be getting a job,” Jaemin retorts, tugging your chair out for you before sitting across from you and handing you a spoon and napkin. “Don’t you watch that Shera lady? Sprinkle, sprinkle and all that jazz. Maybe you can split for the future dates, but if the guy has any basic decency, he would pay for the first one.”

“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind,” you sigh, taking a hefty scoop of your ice cream and having the first bite. It’s delicious, and you make a mental note to buy a pint and bring back to your dorm to share with Giselle later.

The two of you continue to discuss various appropriate topics to broach on a first date (“Hey Jaemin, you like cheese? My favorite’s Gouda.” “… Please do not ask that.”). You quickly jot down bullet points in your Notes app, your fingers flying over the screen as Jaemin instructs you on good conversational starters and body language.

“So you just need to touch him on his upper forearm and then pull away. Stroke his ego and say he’s funny or some shit like that. At least you don’t have to force yourself to laugh with him though because Hyuck is naturally funny anyway. And he’s good at keeping up the conversation and a people person, so it won’t be awkward even for your first date,” Jaemin continues as you nod, rapidly typing what he says.

“And at the end of the date, touch his shoulder again, glance down at his lips for a brief second before making eye contact. If he’s bold enough, he’ll go for the first kiss. But then just immediately smile and say you had a great time before he can lean in. After that, he won’t stop thinking about that moment, and it’ll drive him crazy, and he’ll be texting you for a second date within the next day.”

“Mm, okay, I think I got it,” you mumble absentmindedly, engrossed in writing down the last few bullet points and Jaemin leans over to take a closer look at your phone, his eyes flitting over the screen.

“So for the last point, do I have to deny the first kiss then? Smile and walk away before he leans in and…” 

You start to ask until you look up, and your breath hitches in your throat at the close proximity, your and his noses almost brushing. Jaemin is so pretty, even prettier when you can count the few freckles dotting his face, can clearly see the mesmerizing golden flecks dotting his irises, can admire the way his lips look so soft and curve into the picture perfect smile. Your heart thumps wildly, nearly falling onto the floor along with your jaw when you glance up from staring at his lips and see that he’s already looking back at you with the softest expression on his face.

“You don’t have to,” Jaemin murmurs, and your heart stutters in your chest as he moves in closer, his lashes brushing against your cheek, and suddenly, his lips are pressed against yours. They’re pink and soft and slot perfectly against yours in a way that has your heart skipping beats and stomach doing cartwheels.

Eyes widening, you freeze up, letting out a quiet squeak of surprise, before he pulls away, giving you an amused smile. The lingering warmth on your lips makes your cheeks heat up, and you have to break eye contact, stammering over your words as you gently graze your fingers over your lips in wonderment.

Jaemin laughs softly as he leans back in his chair. “We’ll have to work on this too then. You’re kissing like it’s a Park Shinhye kdrama.”

You’re still dazed, cheeks growing even warmer as you avoid his gaze, fiddling with the loose thread on the hem of your skirt. “That was my first kiss.”

Jaemin pauses at the realization, his cheeks flushing slightly before he clears his throat, giving you a half smile and a light chuckle, “Oh, really? That’s cute, doll. Well, I’ll teach you some tips, so you’ll be better at it by the time you ask Hyuck out. At least you got a decent first kiss, right? No big deal.”

“Yeah, no big deal,” you echo softly, your heart still racing at breakneck speed. You pretend to focus on the remnants of your ice cream in the bottom of your paper cup, fingers gripping around the container tightly.

Jaemin was right.

You don’t think you’ll be able to stop thinking about this moment anytime soon.

viii. come on, barbie, let’s go party!

“Are you sure you wanna do this?”

Moon asks worriedly, helping you with your makeup as you sit, perched on the edge of your bed. She uncaps your eyeliner as Lana fusses with your shirt, smoothing out any of the wrinkles. “Actually, I can’t do it. You do it, Yang. You’re an expert at this.”

“Alright, give it to me.” Yangyang comes over, grabbing the eyeliner and expertly draws on the wing above your right eye. “Years of cosplay have finally come in handy. Although, I still can’t believe you’re putting in all this effort for Jaemin.”

“I need to look pretty. He usually does my makeup for me, but he’s busy right now,” you mumble, twisting the ring around your finger anxiously. “It’s my first time going to a party. I can’t embarrass him when he’s a ten.”

“Yeah, in rupees,” Yangyang scoffs, and Lana frowns at you, stopping in her tracks. “Don't talk about yourself like that. You’re already pretty, and if anything, you should be embarrassed to be seen with that slime ball. I can’t believe he doesn’t even have the decency to pick you up. Why are you the one going to his place?”

“He has some frat meeting right now,” you answer, glancing down at your newly manicured nails. The pearl color shimmers under the light, and you can’t help but admire it even more. You wish they were a little shorter, but they really do look quite pretty.

“What meeting? We’re in the same frat. Also, hold still,” Yangyang huffs, holding your chin as he draws on the left wing over your eye. “We need them to look like twins, not cousins twice removed.”

“I don’t know, he just said there was some meeting,” you mumble, holding perfectly still until he finally finishes. “Maybe it was a one on one meeting or something, who knows?”

“I still think he’s shady,” Lana grumbles, and Moon nods as well. “Yeah, like the first kiss thing?”

“It’s no big deal,” you wave your hand dismissively, hopping off of your bed and taking a look at yourself in your mirror. “Better to get it over with, right? I mean, imagine being this old and not having your first kiss yet.”

“Is that what he said to you?” Moon huffs, affronted, and you shift in your place uncomfortably. “No, of course not. It’s just—everyone gets their first kiss when they’re like fourteen or fifteen, right?”

“That’s not the point,” Lana says indignantly, tucking your hair behind your ear carefully. “You wanted it to be special, didn’t you? It just feels like… he took something away from you.”

“He didn’t. I wanted this,” you answer loudly, ignoring the way your stomach flip flops as you try not to think back to that moment. He kissed you, he really does like you back, he might have not said it out loud, but he knows how much it means to you (Wouldn’t he?).

“Okay, as long as you’re happy,” Moon gives in, and she and Lana exchange a worried look that goes unnoticed by you. But what can they do? They can continue to try convincing you, but it will never work when it falls on deaf ears. 

“I am,” you insist, avoiding your friends’ gazes and staring at yourself back in the mirror. Moon attempts to lift the mood again, offering you a tentative smile in the reflection. “This whole thing is like a whole emotional rollercoaster, and Yangyang is definitely not tall enough to ride.”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m literally almost six foot tall,” Yangyang shoots back, and you laugh, relaxing once more as you watch your friends start to bicker again.

“Listen, you can’t be delusional and short. Pick a struggle.” Moon counters, and Lana agrees, handing you your phone to tuck into your pocket. “She’s right. You carry yourself with the confidence of a much taller man.”

You smile fondly as the bickering between your friends continues. You miss them, you realize with a jolting pang of regret, you haven’t been hanging out with them as often as you used to. In fact, the majority of your weeks are spent with Jaemin and his friends.

It’s your first cold dose of reality, and you’re hit with a startling truth. You haven’t been a very good friend lately.

—

Lana drove you to the Nu Chi Theta house, and you felt like a kindergartener being dropped for her first day of school. Your face feels hot as a wave of embarrassment rushes over you as you notice the amount of glances you receive from the insanely pretty girls and boys already on the front lawn and streaming out from the front door. You quickly exit the vehicle, hurriedly waving good bye over your shoulder before making your way into the house, almost tripping over the raised walkway.

You wander around the house, searching for Jaemin and quickly sidestepping a through the couples and other students dancing around, nearly getting bowled over by someone you recognize from your school’s football team. He gives you a quick once over before offering a half apology, eyes set on another girl on the other side of the room. You take a deep breath before pushing your way into the next room, finally spotting Jaemin with his friends, minus Jeno and Somi, by the staircase and letting out a sigh of relief.

“Hey,” you say breathlessly, squeezing through two couples busily making out in the doorway and wincing slightly when you jostle both of them, causing them to give you dirty looks before resuming their activities. 

“Oh, hi, Y/N!” Karina says brightly, giving you a perfect smile and reaching over to squeeze your arm gently. “We didn’t think you’d make it.”

“My first frat party? Of course, I wouldn’t miss it,” you laugh, tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear nervously before fiddling with the hem of your shirt. Jaemin gives you a small smile, and you return it with a slightly shaky one, your eyes flickering towards the fading pink, glossy lip mark staining the collar of his shirt. The color is much too dark to be Jaemin’s, and your stomach churns slightly.

“You look so pretty, Y/N, I love the confidence,” Lia chimes in, gently pinching the fabric of your skirt between her manicured fingers. “I love this, you’ll have to let me borrow it sometime.”

“Oh, of course! You can borrow it anytime,” you agree quickly, flashing her a slightly forced smile before glancing over at Jaemin again, unsure what to do.

“Where do you shop?” Yeonjun asks, glancing over at your outfit. “The shirt is nice, too.”

“Oh my god, yes, we have to go shopping together sometime, and you’ll have to show me all the good places,” Karina cuts in, nudging you gently before letting out a sigh, looking over at Lia. “God, I’ve been feeling so fat lately, like freshman twenty might be getting to me.”

“No, same, I’ve been extending my gym sessions and doing Pilates,” Lia huffs softly, and you remain silent, switching your weight around on each foot, glancing over at Jaemin helplessly.

“I need another drink. You coming, Y/N?” Jaemin finally speaks up before brushing past Yeonjun, and you hurriedly follow behind him, careful not to fall behind or get swept away. He quickly pushes through to the kitchen, finding a spot next to the counter covered in various bottles of cheap alcohol and stacks of red solo cups dispersed in between.

“You want one?” Jaemin asks, extending a shot of vodka he just poured out towards you, and you shake your head before he gives a wry smile. “You sure? It’ll help with the nerves. You were shaking back there.”

Your cheeks grow warm. “You noticed?”

“Everybody noticed,” he snorted, handing you the cup, and you wince slightly before holding your nose and downing it in one go. “Give me another then.”

“Atta girl,” Jaemin hands you another shot and you take that one just as quickly, making a face that causes him to smile subconsciously. As he pours himself a cup of beer, he spots Donghyuck by the pool out back, and a knot settles in his stomach uncomfortably. He almost doesn’t want to tell you, and he doesn’t know why. It’s just because he worked so hard to make you look this good, and his loudmouth friend gets to reap all the benefits, he tells himself, taking a swig of his drink, Donghyuck doesn’t know how lucky he is.

Ignoring all the stop signs and whistles going off in his head, he gestures towards Donghyuck outside, clenching the red cup in his hand a little tighter than normal. “There’s your chance. Gotta do it before the alcohol wears off.”

“Oh, um, actually, I wanted to talk to you,” you stammer out, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear again (It’s one of your habits when you’re nervous, and he thinks it might be his favorite). He pushes down the growing knot in his stomach.

“We’ll talk later, yeah? You can’t miss this,” Jaemin insists before nudging you in the direction of the pool outside despite your soft protests.

“W-wait, I  jus—” you say desperately, but Jaemin merely waves you off before disappearing back into the party inside. You let out a sigh, shoulders sagging slightly. You wouldn’t want to disappoint him after all the effort he put in these past four weeks.

You’ll tell him later.

—

“Oh? Where’s your little Barbie doll, Jaemin?” Karina simpers as she lazily taps her pretty manicured nails against the half filled red solo cup in her other hand when Jaemin returns to his original spot. “Have you gotten bored of playing with her yet?”

“It’s not like that,” Jaemin answers hotly, “She’s… fun. She makes me laugh.”

“How? By looking at her?” Yeonjun snorts, chugging his own cup before crinkling it in his fist. Jaemin wants to throw up. “We thought you just did this because you’ve been having a dry spell and were bored. Where is she anyway?

 “She’s talking to Hyuck right now,” Jaemin mumbles meekly, shoulders slightly hunched over as he stares into the depths of his own solo cup.

“Really? I mean, is she even his type?” Lia asks skeptically, straightening up in her spot to see if she can spot you or Donghyuck anywhere. “If anything, I thought her friend—the pretty English major one—would be his type. How is she anyone’s type?”

“Hey, he turned her from a four to a solid eight. She might even go up half a point once you introduce her to an exercise and diet plan.” Karina says offhandedly, raising her cup towards him in mock salute before taking a sip.

“Yeah, how are you going to do that? It’s not like you can even sugarcoat it for her because then she’d eat it too,” Yeonjun throws out with a smirk, and Jaemin feels sick to his stomach, the nauseating feeling growing exponentially and gnawing at him as his friend continues, “I mean she’s probably already on the seafood diet because she sees any food and just eats it. How can you even stand her, Jae? The way she just follows you around like a puppy. Isn’t it annoying?”

“God, I know, the way she basically chases after us like a lap dog is so pathetic. At least she takes good insta pics for us though, so she’s somewhat useful. But we had that one really good group photo at that last party, and she totally ruined the picture. You can’t even crop her out because she had to stand next to you, Jae,” Lia complains, rolling her eyes, and Karina laughs, taking out her phone and scrolling through her photos.

“Oh my god, I know  the exact photo you’re talking about. It’s this one, right? She practically threw herself into your arms,” She flashes her screen towards the group, and Jaemin wants to shrink and crawl into a hole somewhere and die. Was it the best photo of you? No. Was it the worst? Maybe close to it. You’re standing sideways and still taking up more space in the photo than the others, and the flash photography did not do any favors for you. You stand out even worse than Will Smith in the sunflower costume meme. He cringes inwardly, noting the way your skirt had rolled up and you’re smiling a little too widely. He makes a mental note to help you practice  better, more flattering poses later on.

“You know that famous baby hippo? Moo Deng? I think we found her twin from the future,” Yeonjun barks out a laugh, reaching over and zooming in on you as Karina smirks before putting away her phone. Lia giggles and glances over at Jaemin, scrutinizing his reaction before a sly expression makes an appearance on her face, saying coyly, “You have a crush on her, don’t you?”

Jaemin flushes, embarrassment coating his cheeks, and he immediately snaps, “Shut up, I might be lonely, but I’m not despera—”

“Oh, Y/N!” Lia says loudly, effectively cutting Jaemin short. “How did it go? Are you and Hyuck gonna be the new couple on campus?”

Immediately, his heart drops even further to his stomach, and Jaemin whirls around to see you standing a few feet away. Did Lia know you were there?  How long were you standing there? Did you hear them? Did you hear every horrible thing they said about you?

“Oh, Donghyuck said he wasn’t interested, but he was nice about it,” you say, offering a vague smile in Jaemin’s direction, and he nearly breathes a sigh of relief as his heart starts to slow back down to its normal rate. A part of him is glad that Donghyuck rejected you, and he nearly misses what you say next, too caught up in this unfamiliar feeling.

“I think I’m going to head back to my dorm. I’m a little tired. Thank you for inviting me.”

With that, you turn away and walk off, but something still doesn’t feel right to Jaemin. It’s a split second decision but for once, he puts his heart over his mind and chases after you, ignoring the increasing whispers from his friends and their eyes searing into his back.

ix. raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by na jaemin.

Jaemin is right on your heels the entire time you walk back to your dorm. All he receives is stony silence from you that he fills with babbling nonsense, asking you what’s wrong to no avail. When you finally enter your dorm, you turn to him at last, and he perks up. However, the two words that come out of your mouth have him deflating faster than Yangyang’s ego when Alice called him a shitty kisser with too much saliva (“You’re supposed to make me wet down there, not up here. Honestly, dude, if I wanted to drown myself, I would’ve jumped into the ocean.”).

“We’re done.”

You decide to bite the bullet.

After freeing your feet from their pointy death contraptions, you peel off each layer of clothing one by one, unzipping the mini skirt and kicking it away before tugging at the spandex, unleashing the breath you’ve been holding in since 8 a.m. to fit into it. There’s still indents marking the dips in your waist and your thighs, a lasting reminder that stays like an embarrassing stain. You fling that abhorrent piece of elastic elsewhere, and it falls near the end of your bed, out of sight behind the pile of textbooks you haven’t touched for the past three days.

“Hold on, what are you talking about? We made so much progress. You wanted to do this,” Jaemin protests, following after you and picking up the discarded garments you threw haphazardly. He waves around the skirt like a white flag. “You wanted to be in the popular crowd, and you got it. You’re this close to dating Hyuck. Yeah, he might’ve said no now, but we’ll come up with a new plan—You can bounce back from this! Why are you quitting now?”

Removing the off-the-shoulder pink top that restricts your arm movement, you quickly slip on an oversized sweater before reaching back and unhooking the strapless bra whose underwire has been digging into your ribs for so many hours, a sigh of relief escaping between your teeth. You toss it onto your chair without another care in the world, and it lands next to the shirt in a heap.

“Because this isn’t me. This isn’t what I like.”

“Of course, it is. This is still you: just new and improved,” he insists, frantically attempting to hand you your discarded shirt and pleather skirt. You ignore them, opting to pull out and put on your favorite pair of stretched out gym shorts from middle school that you had shoved in the back of your closet to make room for all the flashy clothing Jaemin picked out for you. “We’re having fun. You’re popular and pretty now. You’re almost dating Donghyuck. You have everything that everyone wants. You’re the girl the boys want to be with, the girl all the other girls want to be.”

You shake your head, reaching for the packet of makeup wipes near your sink. “It’s not what I want.”

Jaemin scoffs, “Don’t be ridiculous. What are you talking about? This is what you asked me to do.”

You throw him a scathing glare, and he takes a step back. “God, Jaemin, for once in your life, take off the stupid rose colored heart shades, and you’ll finally see all the red flags around you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jaemin asks defensively. He thought everything was going according to plan; he’s going to pass macroeconomics, and you got to talk to Donghyuck and are this close to scoring a date with him. People notice you wherever you go, the two of you receive compliments, his friends like you, everyone likes you.

“I have to pretend to like things I hate and hate the things I like. I have to do things a certain way, act a certain way, pretend this is all effortless. I don’t know if people are being genuine or pretending like I am. I hate this—this fake version of me.” You spit the words out like fuel to a fire, and you stand there in all your blazing glory, ugly uniform shorts and all.

“My thighs keep chafing. My feet have blisters everyday from these boots. This foundation makes me break out even more, and I can’t type up my notes in class or write fast enough because of these nails, and my grades almost took a plunge. I’m basically freezing my tits off out there in a shirt I don’t like. The lashes make my eyes itch, and this skirt is so short that I have to keep pulling it down every five seconds before I end up flashing someone.”

You don’t recognize the girl in your mirror anymore. You pluck off the falsies lining your eyes, scrubbing furiously at the layers of expensive brand name makeup covering your skin.  You wipe off every inch of it until your bare face stares back at you, slightly puffy, blemishes, faded acne scars and all. You feel like you can breathe a little better now.

“Did you really think it’s easy being one of us? Do you think people will notice you if you show up in sweats with Cheetos stains?” Jaemin stares at you incredulously. “This is how it is. I don’t get why you’re throwing it all away like this.”

“And yet, you were all for it when I threw away everything before.”

“Because you asked for it! You asked me to—to make you into someone Donghyuck would date!”

“You don’t get it.” You whirl around on your heels to face him instead of the mirror, and the anger and intensity laced in your voice nearly blows him away. “I like myself the way I am. I never hated myself. I may be insecure about how I look sometimes, but who isn’t? Yeah, I like wearing cherry lip gloss and mascara sometimes. It’s fun trying out new hairstyles and clothes and learning to do better makeup. I like getting dressed up for special occasions. I like doing these things on my own terms. But this? What I’m doing to myself right now? This isn’t the same. Am I supposed to keep up this charade for the rest of my life? If I do eventually go out with Donghyuck, am I gonna have to keep lying to him? To everyone? I want people to like me for me. To actually know me.”

“If this is how you feel, then why would you keep doing this?! If you hate it so much, then why?” He’s frustrated, carding his fingers through his hair as he can’t wrap his mind around the fact that you’re angry over this. You look gorgeous, so what’s the problem?

“Because I liked spending time with you!” you burst out, “I never liked Donghyuck—I liked you. I wanted it to be you. It was fun at first, I did like it at first, but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep pretending to be someone I’m not. I can’t be friends with someone who’s ashamed of me.”

There’s a jolt in his heart when he hears your confession, but the second jolt comes quickly afterwards at your last words. Denial is the first stage of grief, and he pales at your final declaration. “What are you talking about? This whole thing is so that Dongh—”

“Oh, please. You can drop the act. This isn’t about Donghyuck anymore. This is about you being too embarrassed to be seen with someone who doesn’t fit your aesthetics.” You air quote the last word for emphasis, and his jaw tightens at that. “You’d rather drop dead than go out with a four like me, right?” You smile sardonically at him. “I may be a four on a seafood diet, but my ears work perfectly fine, Jaemin.”

You heard it all, and Jaemin feels like he is going to throw up. All he can do is scramble and grasp for the last remaining straws, protesting vehemently, “I wasn’t the one who said any of that!”

You laugh humorlessly, “Is that supposed to make it better? You’re better than them because you didn’t say it out loud? You didn’t deny it or defend me either, so what’s your point? 

His mouth goes dry, and he opens and shuts it several times. Swallowing harshly, he barely manages to croak out a weak reply. “That’s— I didn’t mean—I only really thought that before I knew you.”

“And that’s just it, isn’t it? You already judged me before you even knew me based on how I look. Even now, you still judge me.” He starts to open his mouth again, but you merely shrug as if you’ve accepted this for all your life, and he closes it meekly, shifting from one foot to the other uncomfortably, unable to meet your eyes

“That’s okay. I’m used to it. That’s how it is for people like me. I know I’m not someone people fall head over heels for immediately. I’m the one who reaches out to people first. Guys don’t fall over at my feet, wanting to carry my books to class for me. The pretty girls ask me to take their Insta pictures for them. I don’t get free drinks at the bar or invited to all the parties. I’ve never been asked out by a total stranger, and no one writes their number on my cup of coffee,” you say matter-of-factly, a resigned smile on your face, and it has him curling into himself internally, his conscience slowly eating away at him.

“And you know what?” you continue, “That's life. That’s okay because I’m happy with who I am. I like who I am. If I have to give myself up to get Donghyuck or you to like me, then he’s—you—are not the one. I shouldn’t change who I am for a boy—or anyone for that matter.”

“That’s not—We were doing this for you. You wanted… you wanted this makeover. You wanted this.” He’s desperately clutching onto the end of the rope, and you’re holding the scissors to cut it off. You show him another half smile, one that doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

“It stopped being about me. It started being about what you wanted, what you liked, what you wanted me to be. I was your charity case, your little Barbie doll.”

You tilt your head to the side, studying the boy in front of you and he silently squirms under your scrutiny. “Tell me one thing, and be honest. Did you even know I existed before Donghyuck mentioned me as a tutoring option? Before you needed me for a grade booster? Would you have liked me then?”

Would you have liked me then? Your question echoes in his mind, and Jaemin freezes, dropping the clothes in his hands. You know. You know he likes you, and the embarrassment creeps up on him in the form of carmine dusting his ears and cheeks, like spilled wine on white linen.

“There are over one hundred students in the class,” he objects. “Sorry for not fighting my way through all of them to find you and have a crush on you sooner.”

Jaemin seems to not realize that he just confirmed his feelings for you aloud, and perhaps, if he had told you this a few weeks ago, you would have been ecstatic and called up Lana and Moon the second he was out of earshot. But this is now, and you’ve grown exponentially since then.

You give him a wistful smile, and as the dread piles up in the pit of his stomach, he knows this is the start of his downfall (or perhaps, he’s already been falling this entire time). He slipped from the pedestal already long ago, and it’s only a matter of time before he hits rock bottom. The higher the pedestal, the harder the fall from grace.

“I sat in front of you diagonally. You asked me to pass notes to my friend. You know, the girl who sat next to me? Alice? The one you asked out and went on a few dates with at the beginning of the semester?” You state the facts calmly, and his eyes widen at that. “It’s okay. But you must’ve remembered that we were in the same group for a presentation last semester, right?”

Jaemin stays silent, and you have your answer. It’s one you’ve known deep down in your heart all this time, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt any less. After all, someone can announce they’re going to punch you, you can even see the strike coming to your gut, but simply knowing doesn’t do anything to ease the painful aftermath.

You chuckle humorlessly, fingers uncurling and recurling into fists as your nails press moon shaped crescents into your palms before you look him straight in the eyes. “I don’t fit into your cookie cutter life or match your rose colored Instagram filters. I don’t have the perfect model figure or the perfect face. I don’t look like the girl of your dreams, and I know that it just fucking kills you inside that you fell in love with me.”

Jaemin flinches, curling in on himself when he finally meets your gaze and finally sees the absolute hell fires of fury and repugnance ablaze in your eyes. You know that he loves you, and he’s ashamed that you’re right. You’re absolutely right.

Why is he so afraid of loving you?

He loves how smart you are, how witty you are, how funny you are, how genuine you are, how you understand every obscure Haikyuu!! reference he makes, how you laugh at his jokes, how you dm him the funniest memes on Instagram, how you wear your purple scrunchie around your wrist during every exam for good luck and how you let him borrow it too. He loves how you treat him as more than just a pretty face, how you actually listen to him and make him feel like what he says matters, how you make him feel different—special—like he doesn’t have to compete with all the other Barbies and Kens out there. He’s much too vain, much too superficial, much too selfish, much too proud to admit it out loud, but he’s in love with you, and yet, he can’t bring himself to love every single part of you.

And the truth of that matter is the ugliest of all.

But there are standards that he has to uphold, why can’t you understand this? He lowered his standards for you, and you still couldn’t meet them. You have the personality already, you are this close to being the ideal girl, and well, you both have to make changes. It’s the prince and princess who live happily ever after, not the prince and the pauper, or god forbid, the ogre (No offense, Shrek). This is real life, and society has unspoken rules. He sacrificed so much for you, he put his reputation on the line, so why couldn’t you do this for him? After all, love always has some sacrifices.

Right?

But when Jaemin looks at you now, there’s everything, but love staring back at him. You look at him like he’s a repulsive piece of chewed gum stubbornly stuck to the bottom of your Steve Madden heel. It strikes a nerve and completely eats him to the core, but he pulls himself upright because nobody talks to him like that, nobody looks at him like that, certainly not someone like you. He invented you, he made you into the next Princess Mia, the next Cady Heron, the next Serena van der Woodsen, and this is how you show your gratitude?

“Oh, you’ve got to be shitting me. You act like I’m the first person to judge first based on looks. Everyone does it. Am I supposed to strike up a conversation with every girl on the off chance she’s everything I want? Do you think anyone would fall for you immediately when you looked like that?  The saying is ‘love at first sight’, unless you’re one to believe in the whole ‘love is blind’ idea, which you clearly do,” Jaemin snaps, sneering as he eyes you up and down. His heart and mind are screaming, crying, begging for him to stop, but his pride dropkicks him headfirst into the hole he dug for himself, raging for him to get the upper hand again.

“How is it my fault for not knowing you’re the whole package when the wrapping doesn’t match the contents?”

The unfiltered words slip out of his mouth, and he immediately regrets it, closing his eyes, but it’s too late. He sees the instant look of devastation that appears on your face, and it hits him like a boxer’s punch to the chest. He starts to backtrack to no avail. You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

“I am never going to be enough for you, am I?” you whisper, your breaths stuttering in your chest as your initial sarcasm turns into quiet truths now that eat away at him. “I’m either too much or too little. There’s always going to be something you’ll want to change, something you want to fix.”

“Y/N… I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. It was an accident. I just—”

Jaemin can’t continue on, his voice trailing off as he doesn’t know what to say. He wants to keep apologizing, he’ll do anything it takes to take back what he just said, but the damage has already been dealt. He’s always known he’s an asshole, sure, but this is beyond anything he’s ever said or done in the past. He just secured the seat of honor in Dante's ninth circle of hell, and there’s no return ticket.

“You just what? You thought it would be okay to say anything to my face just because it’s not up to your standards?”

Jaemin’s face pales. “N-no, I—this isn’t how it's supposed to go, I just—It just slipped out, can we start over?” 

A public rejection from any boy or girl would hurt infinitely less than the words Jaemin spat in your face. The things that his friends said before within earshot? You could take it because you couldn’t care less about them at the end of the day. But this? This was coming from someone you trusted, someone you care about, someone you lov—No, you don’t even want to think about that.

Jaemin never loved you. He never even liked you. The harsh reality slaps you like a cold shower in the middle of a winter night, and you want to curl up into a ball under your covers and cry until you fall asleep.

And yet, you will not let him humiliate you any longer. The spell has been broken. Cinderella is back to her rags, and her Prince Charming is nowhere to be found. She’s stuck as a toad that’ll never change. Eyes watering, you inhale sharply, laughing quietly in disbelief before you straighten up and your face hardens.

“Are you actually listening to yourself? You think we can start over? You treat people like they’re disposable, like they’re nothing, and once they don’t match with your theme of the week, you toss them even faster than the time it takes for you to choose an outfit.” Your chest is heaving, and the tears threaten to fall, but you push on, swallowing the lump in your throat. He reaches out for you, and you take a step back, shaking your head.

“You can’t hurt people and expect them to just let it go. I get it, I know I’m not the thinnest, or the nicest, or the funniest, or the smartest, or the prettiest. I know that I’m hard to love. I get it, Jaemin. I’ve always known that.”

You choke on the last sentence, swallowing hard to stifle the hiccup that bubbles up in your throat. “But that doesn’t give you the right to treat me like shit.”

Rapidly blinking back your tears, you march over to your door and throw it open with such force that the doorknob could have left a dent in the wall. You don’t want to cry, you’ve always been an angry crier, and you desperately want the tears to stop. You refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry and hearing your confession. He doesn’t deserve any of that. Jaemin doesn’t deserve your tears, and he certainly doesn’t deserve your love.

“Get out.”

Jaemin stares at you, mouth agape like a fish on land. You gesture heatedly towards the outside, choking slightly. “What are you waiting for? I said get out.”

“Y/N, I—”

“Am I a joke to you?” you quietly ask, and his eyes widen.

“No! No, Y/N, you’re not, I jus—”

A single tear manages to escape despite your best, frustrated efforts, and Jaemin instinctively reaches out for you. You swat his hand away, angrily swiping away the stray droplet with the sleeve of your sweater. His heart wrenches in his chest as his hand dangles limply by his side. You’re crying because of him. He caused that, and he feels like the biggest piece of shit in the world.

You refuse to let any more fall, glaring at him through the unshed tears and entirely disgusted with the boy standing in front of you. “Don’t touch me. I’m not crying for you. I’m crying because I’m so angry I wasted all my time on someone who never cared about me.”

That’s not true—I love you, he wants to say, but his mouth refuses to form the words because his pride won’t loosen its grip on his heart. He loves you, he’s in love with you, why can’t you see that?

You steel yourself, taking one shaky breath before looking pointedly at the door and repeating yourself, “Get out. Leave me alone.”

Numbly, he makes his way over to the door, ears ringing. You glower at him, the intensity searing and digging into the side of his face. When he stands outside of your dorm, he struggles to turn around and face you helplessly. Your eyes soften for a moment, and it shoves the dagger deeper into his chest when he recognizes that look. It’s the same look he wore when he first saw you, and the shame that emerges nearly chokes him. The mixture of pity and disappointment painted across your face revolts him entirely, and he feels like he’s going to vomit. Jaemin is utterly humiliated.

Your gaze intensifies once more when you stand up to your full height, stare unwavering and chin raised up. Gripping the doorframe tightly, you drive the final words into his heart like a stake.

“I am too good for you, Jaemin, and I will never love someone like you. I deserve better.”

And for a split second, you almost convinced yourself when you said that.

You shut the door in his face.

Jaemin calls your name through the door several times, desperation ringing clear in his tone, but it falls on deaf ears. Apologies are a fool’s best friend, and you’d be a fool yourself to believe them. Holding your breath, you wait until you hear his footsteps echo down the hallway, until the solitude greets you like an old friend. And at last, you drop the facade and let yourself cry. Back pressed against the door and head bowed, you finally let go until all the tears are gone and you’re gasping for breath, the quiet hiccups and sobs bursting forth and breaking the silence in the same way he broke your heart over and over again.

You love him.

There’s no one to blame, but yourself. In the end, it’s all your fault that you were in this mess. How can you be so stupid? You can put lipstick on a pig, but it would still be a pig. Built up insecurities will bubble up to the surface no matter how much mascara and blush you apply. The warning signs were all there in flashing technicolor, but they were all tied up with shiny ribbons and deceiving perfect smiles. They lit up your usual drab life of blacks, whites, and grays, and you were blinded by the glitz and glamor— blinded by him. It is hard to see the red flags and stop signs through the rose colored Instagram filters. You trusted him and gave him your heart when you should’ve known it’d end like this. 

You got greedy and tried to steal the spotlight, and you received it, front and center. You are the joke. You are the punchline, the comedic relief, the center stage of a slapstick comedy show. This is what you get for going off script.

Because you love him.

You were supposed to continue to delude yourself into thinking that you don’t want to find love, that you enjoy being on your own, that you enjoy being single, that you are perfectly content with never experiencing romance instead of facing the cold harsh reality head on: no one sees you as desirable or dateable. And when your friends tell you that you’re not missing out on anything with dating, you were supposed to nod and agree, when secretly, you desperately wish you can experience that for yourself instead of living vicariously through your friends’ love lives or the 3 a.m. scrollings through cheesy romance fanfiction on Tumblr. You’re been fine all these years, haven’t you? You were doing so well living on your own.

But you love him.

It’ll come when you least expect it, that’s what they tell you every time, but what are you to do when you can’t help but expect it your whole life? What are you to do when you so desperately want to know what it feels like to be loved in that way? God, when is it going to be your turn? When is it your turn to daydream about someone and know that they’re daydreaming about you too? When is it your turn to have someone walk you home? When is it your turn to hold hands with someone? When is it your turn to feel the giddy butterflies and experience a good night kiss? When is it your turn to be kissed in the rain? When is it your turn to experience the romance you can only dream about?

How much longer will you have to be patient? How much longer do you have to wait, living in denial over the soul crushing reality of it all? How many more stars do you need to wish upon until you learn to accept the painstaking truth? You weren’t meant to be loved in this lifetime.

God, you love him.

It’s embarrassing when it shouldn’t be. You just want to be touched by hands that care, loved by a heart that beats for you, desired by someone who thinks you are enough. It’s the way you would give up ten years of your life in a heartbeat to experience being the prettiest girl in the room just once and have people look at you. The overwhelming shame washes over you when you never had your first kiss until now with a boy who never cared about you, never went on a date before, never had a boyfriend before, and you have to lie and say it’s by choice when it’s not. It’s not. You have so much love to give, you have so much space in your life to share, you have so much time to spend with that special someone, but the grains of the hourglass are spent waiting and longing for a stranger who will never come. 

The thought of it all just makes you sick. It makes you sick that you wish so terribly that someone would just look in your direction for once. For once, you want to be looked at in that way like all the female protagonists experience in the movies. And you know your value shouldn’t be based on desire and objectification, you absolutely know it, but it still hurts when you go out with your friends and you’re the one dancing alone or sitting back and watching the purses. You’re the one standing there by yourself, while every single one of your pretty friends is being approached by someone. It still hurts so fucking bad when you try to put yourself out there, but guys have already moved past you or don’t even acknowledge your existence simply because of your face or a number on a scale. And when he came into your life and gave you one measly ounce of attention, you ran with it when you should have run away. It’s absolutely exhausting, leaving you out of breath and on the verge of throwing up, to chase after someone who never even looked at you, to chase after their attention, praying to god that they’ll one day make you feel like you are worth it, that you’ll finally feel some sort of value.

Forget ever being loved, you weren’t even wanted.

There is no such thing as happily ever after’s for the extras. Girls like you don’t get to star in love stories. Why did you ever think it would end differently?

You love him.

And he ruined you. Even worse, you let him.

You wish you never met Na Jaemin.

x. i can’t go out tonight. *fake coughs* i’m sick.

You would like to give a formal apology to Bella Swan for not understanding why she was so depressed over Edward leaving her for six months and making fun of her. In your defense, you were like nine years old when the movie came out, and you were more interested in Barbies back then (Plus, you were Team Jacob because you wanted a pet dog at the time).

You didn’t even go through a break up, but it sure as hell feels like one.

You probably would continue to wallow in your misery for weeks, clutching onto the only two men you could ever trust in your entire life: Ben and Jerry’s while watching every iconic 90s and early 2000s rom-coms on repeat if it weren’t for your best friends. But enough is enough, and you get that you shouldn’t be spending weeks crying over a boy who hasn’t even spent one second thinking about you. It’s just hard to take that first step back up again when you feel like you tripped and fell all the way down to rock bottom.

And so, you finally let your friends into your shared dorm room, and you definitely do not miss the poorly disguised look of disgust and shock when they see the giant mess on your side of the room (You’re very grateful that Giselle has been staying at her boyfriend’s place for weeks now). It’s an intervention at this point—one that you desperately need, and you know it.

“Okay, give it to me straight,” you sniffle, still wrapped up in your comforter like a giant burrito and clutching onto the ice cream carton like a lifeline. You know that your friends will just rip it off like a bandage, and you have mentally prepared yourself for it. Your voice comes out wobbly still from the tears, and you hate it. “I know I was stupid for letting a guy walk all over me like that. I know if any of you were in this situation, I’d tell you that you’re better than that and to get over him, but it’s just so hard to do it.”

“He who shall not be named is a scumbag, and I’m gonna kill him the next time I see him,” Lana states, pursing her lips together. “I hope he has a bad hair day every single day because I know he’d be screaming, crying, throwing up if he could never get a perfect selfie ever again.”

You choke back a sob, giving her a watery smile. “That would destroy him.”

“Good. Fuck him. Metaphorically, not literally. Why should you care if you are the girl of his dreams or not? Be the girl of your dreams. You’re gorgeous, smart, and funny and he’s just some guy who still doesn’t know how to use the correct ‘your’ in an Instagram caption.”

You can write down a thousand and one reasons why he was the most horrendous, most awful, most vile person to ever grace your life. But at the end of the day, why does it matter? What good would it do? You still love him, and that’s the worst pill to swallow.

“I just—I’m having a hard time believing that.”

“Y/N, if you believed that Jaemin wasn’t a shitbag for the past four weeks and all the time before that in his life, then you can believe in yourself right now for two minutes and listen to me,” Lana says firmly, clutching onto your shoulders and forcing you to look her in the eye as she continues on, “Remember the Barbie movie? He’s just Ken. Ken doesn’t have a good day unless Barbie looks at him.”

“Yeah, like channel your inner Gina Linetti. Listen to Chelsea Peretti. ‘Men used to hunt.’ What’s Jaemin doing? He’s pushing twenty and doing aegyo on camera,” Moon chimes in, and Lana nods furiously in agreement before elbowing Yangyang in his rib not-so-subtly. “Contribute to the conversation, Yang.”

“Hold on, I’m thinking,” Yangyang says, pausing in the middle of your room and placing his hands on his hips.

“Oh congrats, I didn’t know you could do that. But stop because you’re not good at it at all,” Moon says, completely ignoring the dirty look he throws at her immediately. The little exchange brings a small smile to your face and it feels nice to laugh. You’ve forgotten how to do that. You miss your friends. You’re grateful for them for not giving up on you when you already have.

“Come on, let’s go see ‘Crazy Rich Asians.’ It’ll be fun. We can watch Lana fangirl over seeing her favorite actor,” Moon encourages you, and Yangyang nods in agreement. “Yeah, she picked a better man after the Jaehyun fiasco.”

“Oh my god, let it go. I didn’t like him that much,” Lana huffs softly, grabbing one of your spare pillows and launching it square into his face in retaliation, and he lets out out a high pitched shriek that makes you giggle.

“Weren’t you gonna go see it with your best friend, Yang?” You ask, glancing over at him and he shakes his head, a slightly sour expression on his face. “Nah, she’s going with Dejun already.”

“So unfortunately, we’re stuck with him now,” Moon says solemnly as Yangyang immediately throws her a dirty look. The look on his face makes you laugh, and it makes you feel a little better and your heart a little lighter.

You shouldn’t have to beg someone to love you; the right person will never make you beg. The right person would never chip away at you, erasing different parts of you, until you fit their picture perfect mold, until there’s nothing left of you. You would never have to call your friends at 4 am, drunk and crying for their validation, praying to whatever higher being is up there for them to take you back. Your friends have never looked at the scars and freckles dotting your skin and suddenly deemed you as unlovable. Your best friend wouldn’t call you fat and point out every single one of your insecurities. You are not unlovable because you decided to eat a third taco or decided to not wear makeup today or didn’t shave your legs. You may fight with your parents and siblings, but never once have you felt unloved by them. Never once did you have to get on your knees and plead for them to love you back.

You know you are worthy of love because your friends and family make it look so easy. They have shown you what love is really like time and time again. You’ve been a shitty friend these past few months, prioritizing a boy over the ones who really matter. They’ve been so patient with you this entire time, and with an open heart, you realize that it is time you finally start properly loving them and yourself too.

You are loved.

xi. that’s so not fetch!

Jaemin slinks out of the lecture hall, noting the dirty looks your friends have sent him from the other side of the room. He’s been standing outside of the classroom before the session starts for the past few weeks in hopes of catching you, looking like a complete creep (and definitely feeling like one).  But what’s he to do when you wouldn’t return any of his texts or calls? It’s humiliating, and he feels smaller than an ant under a microscope.

He pretends to leave class early, staking out in the bathroom across from the classroom. Counting down the minutes, he sees the first wave of students pouring out from the classrooms and finally spots you. His heart jumps to his throat, and his hands begin to grow clammy.

You’re back to wearing your loose jeans and basic t-shirts, your favorite purple scrunchie wrapped around your wrist and an old Jansport backpack slung over your shoulder, decorated with pins of all those familiar characters from his favorite anime. Your face is bare, aside from tinted lip balm, and you’re smiling. You’re laughing at something your friend next to you says, and with a sinking heart, Jaemin realizes that perhaps maybe you are pretty in the slightest way.

He finds himself taking one step towards you, then another, maneuvering around the other students rushing to leave. He’s getting closer and closer, if he called out your name, you would hear him. But you wouldn’t stop for him this time. He knows that.

Jaemin is getting closer, just a few more steps until he can just stretch his hand out and tap your shoulder, and his heart is pounding so hard in his chest until a pretty manicured hand grabs his upper arm lightly.

“Jaemin? What are you doing here?” 

He pauses, turning around and seeing Somi staring back at him in surprise as she continues, “I thought you don’t have any classes at this time.”

“Yeah, I—” he hesitates, glancing over at your retreating figure and Somi follows his gaze, her eyes softening as she lets go of his arm.

“Oh, were you waiting for her? Sorry about that,” she apologizes, pulling away and he shakes his head, shrinking back. Maybe it was for the better that you got away. It’s probably a sign from the universe telling him to let it go.

“No, it’s okay. She doesn’t want to talk to me anyway,” Jaemin admits at last, starting to slink off, and Somi furrows her eyebrows, a puzzled expression gracing her face as she hurries slightly to catch up with him, matching his pace. He exits the building, crushing the graded economics midterm with a red 89 circled at the top in his fist and shoving it haphazardly into the side pocket of his backpack usually reserved for his water bottle.

“What are you talking about? The two of you are practically glued at the hip. She adores you,” she laughs softly, tilting her head slightly as she glances over at him. He ignores her look, continuing on his way off of campus and towards his safe haven: a small dog friendly boba shop snug in between a bookstore and a 24 hour laundromat he frequents more often than he likes to admit.

 “I honestly thought you’d ask her out at some point.”

Jaemin winces at that, her light response rubbing salt into his open wounds, stitches torn and bleeding, and he spits out the next words defensively, his pride rearing its ugly head again. “No way. I never liked her like that. She’s not my type at all. Have you seen her?”

“What is wrong with you?” Somi frowns at him, stopping in her tracks, and he halts, unable to look at her and throwing out a dismissive “What?” In her direction.

“Why are you talking about her like that? I thought you liked her,” she answers, staring at him in disbelief, and he curls his fingers into fists, gripping tightly as a multitude of conflicting emotions war inside of him. He starts to walk again, barely glancing over at Somi.

“She was just my tutor. I passed my midterm, so I don’t need to be around her anymore.” He responds weakly, uncurling and recurling his fingers into fists as he desperately tries to stay calm.

It was so much easier to pretend around his other friends. Aside from Jeno, they always took his words at face value, never one to pry. And Jeno would never push him, knowing that he would eventually come to him at his own pace. But Somi? He’s forgotten about how she can be after she’s been so busy with her schedule, missing out from the majority of hang outs for her social work and events, and their class schedules never overlapped. She can spot a lie a mile away. She actually cares. In a way, she reminds him of you, and he can’t bear to meet her gaze anymore.

“She’s your friend,” Somi retorts, following him into the boba shop, briefly stopping to pet the adorable Samoyed wagging its tail near the entrance. “You spent more time with her than any of us, except maybe Jeno. And you weren’t just studying in the library. I’ve seen her on your finsta and close friend stories.”

“Okay, and now she’s not. She’s not my friend anymore,” Jaemin answers sharply, punching his order into the self service machine. “It happens. People stop being friends. So back off, Somi.”

“Jeez, what is your problem?” she snaps back, following him towards the back, settling on a pillow in one of the comfortable nooks converted into a small seating area across from him. “I caught you following Y/N, and now you say you’re not friends?”

Jaemin hesitates, fiddling with one of the decorative pillows in his lap. “We got into an argument.”

“Yeah, but friends fight. You can apologize, right?”

Jaemin is silent.

Somi stares at him, and he wants to curl into himself. It’s the very same look you gave him before you shut the door in his face, and he feels the bile in his throat already. Her voice is quiet. “Jaemin, what did you do?”

“I—,” he whispers, breaking off and clenching his fists. He is already replaying that moment in his head, seeing the look of utter devastation on your face, and he wants to run away. The ugly truth is front and center, and he is unable to ignore it any longer.

 “I fucked up, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?” Jaemin bursts out, burying his face in his hands and unable to face his friend. He closes his eyes, sucking in a deep breath. “I said some shitty things to her, some really fucked up stuff.”

“Like fucked up as in messy drunk thoughts or fucked up, fucked up?” Somi says softly, hesitantly, as if she doesn’t want to believe her friend is the worst of the worst. Jaemin’s heart sinks even lower than rock bottom as he continues to hang his head low.

“I…” Jaemin’s voice is less than a whisper as he finally confesses the horrible truth to someone for the first time. His voice cracks as he recalls every single disgusting thing and insecurity he flung back into your face.

“I said that it would be stupid for her to believe in love at first sight, that she wasn’t up to my standards, that it’s her fault, that I was ashamed of her, ashamed that I even liked her because of the way she looked.”

The silence is deafening, and Jaemin feels the same wave of humiliation wash over him as it did on that very night. Somi is speechless, and he can’t bear to look at her, one hundred percent knowing that there would be a raw look of utter disgust and horror on her face because that is the exact way he would look at himself. He sits there in silence as the guilt and shame pile up even higher; he is past the point of wallowing in self pity, already drowning and gasping for breath.

“Jaemin… she was your friend,” she murmurs, gazing at him, mouth agape as the shock finally settles in, and he flinches slightly at the past tense. “She actually cared about you. She made you happy.”

“I know,” he says softly.

“She was the best thing that ever happened to you.” Somi continues quietly.

Jaemin sucks in a sharp breath, biting his bottom lip. “I know.”

“Then why?”

Because I was stupid, he thinks silently, Because I am a coward. Because she embarrassed me. She made me feel small. She made me feel insignificant. She made me look at myself in the mirror, and for the first time in my life, I absolutely hated what I saw staring back at me.

“I don’t know,” Jaemin whispers, staring down at his lap in resignation and unable to swallow the truth.

He knows.

xii. you can’t sit with us.

You continue to avoid Jaemin in Macroeconomics, choosing to slip into class at the very last minute. You see him waiting in front of the classroom every session for the past three weeks, searching for you, but you opt to go to the professor’s office hours every time before class and end up walking with her to class as she answers your questions about the assigned readings and problems. Alice saves you a seat in the front row, and you never told her but you’re grateful when you realize she must have asked her other friends to sit around the two of you, effectively barricading Jaemin from any attempt at sitting next to you. Finals week comes and goes with  the winter break following suit, and you think he has finally given up on any attempt at reaching you.

But life has an unfortunate penchant for bringing up things—or people—you wish to forget when you least expect it. It was supposed to be an ordinary Thursday four weeks into the spring semester, and you’re exiting your last class of the day, tucking your laptop into the cute tote bag you bought from the New York Strands bookstore as you walk across campus.

“Y/N.” Jaemin appears in front of you, and suddenly, all the air in your lungs seem to have been sucked out. It’s almost embarrassing how two months of self progress can be toppled over as easily as a house of cards. Your brain says to hate him, but one glance at him still has you weak in the knees. You take a deep breath, counting to three before walking around and ignoring him entirely.

“Please, can we just talk for five minutes? I’m sorry.” He desperately reaches out for you, and you can see some people starting to take note of the two of you, their gazes on your back.

“Leave me alone, Jaemin.” You continue to walk away, hiking up the strap of your bag higher over your shoulder, desperately trying to quell the stupid colony of butterflies in your stomach that have laid dormant for so long. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Please, just five minutes—three minutes—and I’ll leave you alone forever. Listen to me,” he says in a quiet tone. It was an order, a request, and a plea all at once.

You pause, scrutinizing him for a few moments before grabbing his arm and dragging him away from prying eyes. You stop on the secluded side of the building underneath the magnolia trees before dropping his hand. “You have two minutes. Talk.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“Good to know you’re self aware. You’re finally experiencing some character growth.”

Jaemin grimaces at your stony expression. “Okay, that was deserved. I truly am sorry, Y/N. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have lashed out at you, and I’m an asshole who took advantage of you. You do deserve better. You deserve someone better than me. But I want to be that person. You make me a better person.”

You stay quiet, and Jaemin fidgets around. “Is that… is that okay? I know it’s selfish of me, but—”

“You’re right, that is selfish of you.”

Jaemin falls silent at that, face flushing before he speaks up meekly, “Can’t we start over? Try again?”

In that moment, you truly pity the boy in front of you. The lost expression on his face tells it all as he desperately clutches onto whatever lifeline you’re willing to toss out. But he’s causing you to drown, and you need to cut the cord and put yourself first for once. Maybe you can change him. But you can’t do this to yourself again.

You take a deep breath and pinch yourself, reminding yourself that this is the same boy who broke your heart because it wasn’t pretty enough for him. “There is no trying again. You never tried, and I’m done trying for you. Jaemin, you don’t love me. You’ve never felt that way towards me.”

“Yes, I have! I do! I really do,” he protests, and you shake your head, taking a step back. He starts to take one step forward towards you and hesitates, staying in his original spot. Your gaze is cold, and he finds himself wishing that you would look at him in the way you used to.

“You love the idea of me: the one you built up in your head,” you say, tone growing quiet. “But I’m nothing like her. To some degree, I think I might be the first genuine connection you ever made with a girl. You liked the way I felt about you and how I acted for you. I changed everything about myself for you, I would’ve followed you anywhere, I would’ve done anything for you, and you took advantage of that. You took advantage of the fact that I love you.”

You may not truly know what love is, but you know it’s something he never gave you. It stings, knowing that even after all of this, you still secretly, desperately long for the type of love you know will always be out of your reach. A part of you wants to believe him, but this time, you listen to your mind instead of your heart.

Jaemin’s head shoots up at your confession, eyes widening in belated realization, and you curl your lips inward, biting your lower lip. You love him. You love him, he now knows, and to your surprise, it didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. Three steps forward and two steps back is still one step in the right direction.

“One day, you’re gonna find someone who’s finally enough for you—someone who’s worth making pancakes for,” you say wistfully, pausing for a minute before gathering the courage to continue.

“And you’re gonna fall in love with them. Like really love them. You’re gonna love them so much that you’ll try your hardest to be enough for them. You’re gonna try so fucking hard to be the one they want, the one they love, that you’ll do anything for them. You’ll even change yourself for better—or for worse.” You grip the strap of your tote bag even tighter, a dull pang in your heart making its appearance, and Jaemin winces, lowering his eyes as the regret and guilt pools into his stomach.

“But sometimes, it won’t be enough. It’s not going to be enough,” you continue, swallowing hard. “And it’ll never be enough for them. You’re willing to move heaven and earth for them, but they won’t notice. Or maybe they don’t even care. No matter how hard you try to love them, it won’t matter unless they want you. Unless they choose you.  And it’ll hurt like hell. It’ll hurt every single time you see them, every time you hear them, every time you think of them.”

Your voice softens, shaking slightly as you take in a wavering breath before pushing forward. “And when it hurts, you’re going to think of me. You’re going to remember me because that’s when you’ll understand what it feels like. That’s when you’ll know how I felt. How it feels to not be enough. How it feels to have your heart ripped to shreds by someone you care about—someone you love.”

His heart drops, and you give him a wistful smile before it quickly disappears, and your expression schools into one of indifference. You continue to walk forward confidently, brushing past his frozen figure. You see your friends waiting for you on the other side of the lawn, and you look over your shoulder at Jaemin one last time, taking a deep breath and steeling yourself.

“And you know what? I hope to fucking god it hurts you as much as you hurt me.”

The world continues to spin, you keep moving forward, and he remains rooted in his spot, unable to look away from you. There are so many Barbies and Kens out there, so many more Na Jaemins who will come into your life and sweep you off your feet, and you’ll make them feel special and more than a pretty face, he belatedly realizes, he’s disposable and so easily replaceable, but there’s only ever going to be one you. 

As he watches you walk away, Jaemin thinks he is starting to understand.

EPILOGUE.

Life likes to play cruel jokes, and the senior year gives you the most hilarious one of all in the form of your final capstone project. Last you heard about Jaemin, he had switched his major to pre med (which was ironic to you since that field would require him to care about other people, which he clearly proved to be incapable of). However, your university decided to implement a cross collaboration between the various schools, and it’s just your luck that you find yourself paired up with Jaemin. Giving him a tight smile as you take a seat across from him in the library room he reserved, you take out your laptop.

Jaemin had asked earlier if you wanted to request a new assigned partner, but you highly doubt any professor would switch up a pairing on account of one person being guilty of being the greatest asshole to ever exist (Plus, you’ll come across many guys like him in your field of work, so you might as well start building up your tolerance now).

It is the final time you will meet up with him before the big presentation, and the two of you work together in silence, only breaking it to discuss the project topic. It is neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, settled somewhere in between—kind of like a purgatory for relationships. You’ve stopped thinking about him a while ago already, but seeing someone who once was a part of your life always brings back memories, whether wanted or not.

“I met someone.”

Jaemin breaks the ice, unable to hold it back any longer. He feels like he’s going to explode if he doesn't get this off of his chest. There is a slight pause in your writing before you resume, but he knows you are listening.

“I met her after… after our…” He trails off. He doesn’t know what to call it—what the two of you had. An almost relationship. “… After us.”

You continue to write, taking note of several points to be discussed based on your slide. He puts down his pen, clasping his hands together as he fiddles with one of the rings wrapped around his fingers.

“I made her blueberry pancakes.”

You sharply inhale for a brief millisecond before you jot down another bullet point. One, two, three, four, five bullet points until you can breathe normally again. You’re twenty two years old, but you suddenly feel like you’re eighteen again. You sometimes loathed your younger self, but because of her, you learned so many things (Forgiveness is one of them).

“I don’t know what else to do, except keep making her pancakes.” Jaemin sits there idly for a few moments, entirely unaware of your inner turmoil, before he laughs derisively, “She’s in love with my best friend. She never told me, but I can just tell.”

There’s another pause from him. Staring down at his notebook, he swallows hard, the lump in his throat never fully going away. His voice cracks as he whispers out his question:

“Does it ever stop hurting?”

Your pen stops moving across the paper, dropping to the side. There’s a black scribble from where it fell. You still continue to look at the index card, focusing on the college ruled lines until they become a mosaic blur of blue, black, and white.

“Eventually.”

Your tone is impassive, and his head snaps up at your reply. You pick up the pen again. You don’t look at him, but you know he’s staring at you, an unrecognizable expression in his eyes.

Perhaps, it would have been different if you had met the present day him back then instead. Perhaps, it would’ve worked out. Maybe he would have made another girl fall in love with him, broke her heart, and come out unscathed. Or maybe he would still be the same as his past self if he hadn’t met you. It’s the butterfly effect; you don’t know what would have happened, but you don’t care. Not anymore.

By now, you have mourned him for longer than you have loved him.

“Y/N, you were never hard to love. I was bad at loving. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

And this time, you know he truly means it—that Jaemin truly understands. It is good that he has learned and tried to become a better person. You just wish it didn’t have to come at the expense of you.

Your first love teaches you what love isn’t.

The threads holding the pieces of your heart together these past three years have always been so fragile. Just one tug at the heart strings, and everything unravels so easily, like grains of sand slipping through your fingers. You’ve nearly forgotten what heartbreak feels like, the old wounds opening up for a long forgotten friend that you had prayed you would never meet again.

You discover that it hurts even more the second time around.

“I wish I fell in love with you back then.”

His tone is forlorn, a silent resolution wrapped in happenstance. You continue to write down more notes for your part of the presentation, the soft scritches of your pen against paper almost masking your quiet response, and Jaemin nearly misses it.

“So did I.”

[xo-cori]

it’s all a game to me anyway

pairing: abby anderson x fem!reader

summary: pining after athletes is never a good idea. that is, unless you’re good at getting your way.

warnings: smut (MDNI), hockey!abby, reader is lowkey a womanizer, choking, the knee thing™, thigh riding, power dynamic switcharoo, no aftercare but in a hot way

a/n: inspired by “music to watch boys to” by mother lana 🙏 if you’re a buff girl named abby anderson who plays hockey pls hit my line immediately. also read pt 2 here!!

“How’d you get in here?”

In any other scenario, her tone would’ve offended you. At least, you would’ve pretended it did. But this is a very special case; you’ve got Abby exactly where you want her, only because you know she feels the same.

It all started a few months ago during your first week of college. You’d developed a reputation around the school pretty quickly– you tend to pick girls up for a night just to leave them in the dust. It’s fulfilling, until it isn’t. Until you move onto the next, getting better and better at pretending you’d fallen head over heels just to take someone to bed. Now, just starting your second semester, you’d climbed up the social hierarchy pretty quickly, and you’ve been eyeing somebody in specific. After playing your tricks with half of her teammates, of course.

You stand in the empty locker room with her as she packs her bag. You can tell she’s fresh out of the shower and had just finished getting changed. You wonder if you could’ve sped this up by walking in a bit earlier.

“I snuck in,” you shrug. “Just noticed you never came out with your team– I wanted to say how sorry I am that you guys lost. You’re the captain, right? You could spread the message.”

Her eyes meet yours and she’s obviously unimpressed. “I could, but I won’t.” She quips.

You tilt your head. “How come?”

“Well, you’re… acquainted with most of them. Tell them yourself.” She says, setting her bag down on one of the benches so that she can face you. Her dirty blonde hair is still damp and, now that you think about it, this is the first time you’ve seen it out of that signature braid she always wears– and you’ve seen a lot of her.

It’s become a habit to show up to every game, every practice, intently watching her command her team and skate around on that ice like her life depends on it. You don’t know how hockey works. You honestly couldn’t care less, but you have more than enough reason to watch it, and you have your music to keep you company.

“Someone’s jealous.” You observe, taking a long step towards her.

Surprisingly, she doesn’t make any attempt to create some distance. She just raises her eyebrows at you. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me? You think I’m jealous?”

“Sounds like it.” You wrestle with a smile, not wanting to blow your one chance at this by pissing her off too much.

“Oh, really? And what’s there to be jealous of?” Abby questions, even if she has a pretty good idea what the answer will be.

“The winning team,” you take another step, “and… y’know, the fact that half of your team has had a turn with me. Not you, though. Not yet.”

The way her jaw tenses up makes your chest swell with pride. “Not yet?” She repeats. “You think I want a turn?”

“If you didn’t, you wouldn’t look at me the way you do. You like it when I watch you all practice, because you know I’m just watching you.” You tell her.

Abby knows there’s no way to argue with that, no matter how much she’d like to. She looks for you in the bleachers and, when she finds you, subconsciously makes a point of holding that eye contact. You always have both of your headphones in. You’re always looking her up and down, licking your lips like she’s nothing but a freshly prepared meal to you. Honestly, it makes her confidence skyrocket. She’s secure in her capabilities, but a little boost never hurt.

“Athletes like being watched. That’s kinda the whole point,” she replies, “doesn’t make you special.”

“But I am special.” Another step forward. At this point, you have to tilt your head up to keep eye contact. “I’ve gotta be. You know what I want, but you’ve never told your coach to make me fuck off.”

That’s true, too, Abby thinks. She’d never admit it, though. “Maybe I should.” She says.

“You won’t.” You grin. “Not until you get your turn, at least.”

She’s the one to take the next step forward. You can feel her breath fan across your face. She doesn’t trust her voice to speak; her hard exterior slowly crumbling under the heat of your gaze.

So, she grabs you by the throat and leans down to catch your lips between hers.

You gasp, shocked that she’d be the one to take the initiative. You weren’t even sure if she liked girls, and here she was, already shoving her tongue past your lips, which you happily accepted. Her chest presses to yours as she backs you up against one of the lockers. You opt to ignore how hard your head hit the metal, given how preoccupied you are by the way she grabs both of your wrists in her other hand and holds them above your head.

Then, she pulls back to look at you. You aren’t the one in control and you know it. Oddly enough, you kind of like it.

“Is this what you wanted?” Abby rasps, shoving her knee between your thighs and pressing up right where you needed her, causing you to let out a pleased sigh.

“Yeah,” you nod, “just didn’t think you’d be so easy.”

She finds it ironic that you of all people would call her easy, but she decides not to linger on it. Instead, she slightly tightens her grip around your throat, reveling in the way she only needs one hand to make your breath stutter. The lack of air gives you a head-rush and you find yourself grinding down onto her thigh. Normally, you wouldn’t let yourself be reduced to a submissive mess, but you’d been pining after her for months. You’d do whatever it takes to get her head between your legs.

Abby kisses you once more, totally ignoring the way your hands struggle against her grip only because you kiss her back with a fervor she’s never felt.

“Look at you,” she murmurs, “fucking yourself on my leg like a dog.”

You whine at the lack of her lips on yours. “I want you so bad, Abby– been waiting for this forever.” You admit, which is just another ego boost for her.

She lets go of your wrists and pulls your arms to wrap around her shoulders. “Go ahead, then. Make yourself cum like this.”

You’re taken aback by the demand. Is that even possible? Hell, just to impress her, you’ll make it possible.

You slowly get yourself into a rhythm, rolling your hips into hers, thighs trembling as you hold yourself up simply by her shoulders. Her muscles flex beneath your hands and it only makes you moan louder. Your head falls back against the locker once more, giving Abby an opening to dive into your neck. She kisses, licks, bites any skin available to her, leaving little marks and bruises in her path. Something for her to gawk at later when you show up to practice (because she knows you will). Her hands hold you by your waist, fingertips digging into your flesh so hard that it hurts.

It only takes another two minutes until you feel your climax boiling somewhere deep inside of you. Your legs are just barely working anymore and your hips move with an untamed rhythm, shamelessly seeking any pleasure you can get. “I’m close,” you whimper, “please, please let me–”

Before you can finish your plea, she’s grabbing onto your hips and holding you still. You groan in frustration, balling your hands into fists and whacking them against her chest. “You fucking bitch!” You whine, only made angrier by the shit-eating grin on her face (plus the way she isn’t phased at all by your punches).

“Sorry,” Abby says, moving in so close to your face that your noses are nearly touching, “just needed to vent all this frustration. You know, since I lost the big game and all.”

She presses another kiss to your lips, and you reach up to grab hold of her hair, trying to deepen it as much as possible. She doesn’t struggle at all to pull away, though. You’ve never loved and hated someone’s muscles so much.

“Let me make it better.” You breathe, trying to move one of your hands down between her legs but she quickly grabs it to restrain you. “Please, I’ll– I promise, I’ll make you forget about that stupid game.”

“That’s not a very tempting offer,” Abby sighs dramatically just to get a rise out of you, “don’t wanna be sore for practice tomorrow.”

You scrunch your nose in thought. Is that an invitation? It has to be. She knows you’ll be there regardless. You stare deep into her eyes with a fury, but this only seems to amuse her.

She lets go of your hips and steps away from you. “See you then.”

You remain pressed up against the locker, lips kiss-bitten and legs shaky. You don’t even want to think about what your neck looks like. Abby grabs her bag from the bench and doesn’t even spare you another glance before walking out of the same door you came in through.

Fuck this, you think. Two can play at that game.

[masonmtxo]

Anytime you need me - Rewrite

Summary: Mason gets a call to pick his girlfriend up from the club

Words: 3k ish

Note: this is a rewrite of my first ever fic! It’s doubled in length and has been changed slightly so hopefully it’s a bit better than the original! As always, feedback is appreciated 🩷

Mason awoke with a start at the sound of his phone continuously buzzing on his bedside table. Rolling over and reaching to grab it, the time 2:06 am flashed up on the screen.

Squinting at the bright light, he flicked his messages open, clicking on your name as numerous notifications filtered down the screen.

He smiled to himself, rolling his eyes at your blatant drunkenness but pleasantly surprised that the messages were entirely coherent, half expecting you to have blown his phone up with nonsense. He slowly sat up and stretched as he clicked the call icon beside your name, eyes still too full of sleep to attempt texting you back.

You picked up on the first ring, some rustling coming down the line before he heard you speak, “Maseyyy, hiiii baby!” Your voice was slurred, a faint thumping from the bass of the club's music could be heard in the background but not so loud he couldn't hear you. Mason frowned slightly, assuming you couldn't have been inside the venue if the music was so distant.

It wasn't often you rang Mason in the middle of the night to pick you up from a night out, when you went out for drinks with friends it would usually end at a much more civilized hour, Mason more often than not acting as your taxi. But on the rare occasion you were out beyond midnight, you would avoid disturbing Mason at all costs, not wanting to wake him up when he had a match or training the following day. You had always promised to ring him in an emergency though, so his heart jumped at the thought of you potentially being unsafe.

"Hi pretty girl, are you okay?” He tried to keep his voice level as his anxiety spiked.

“Yeah baby I’m okay,” your wobbly voice echoed into his ear, “I was wondering if you could pick me up? Lana has found a random bloke so isn’t going home now. I was gonna get a taxi home because I can’t stay at hers like planned but since you're off tomorrow I figured you'd get mad if I did.”

“Yeah of course, I'm just getting ready to come and get you now,” he couldn't help but feel irritation swell in his chest and the thought of your friend abandoning you but was relieved that you had asked, “Where are you?"

He stood from the bed, walking to the chair stood in the corner of your bedroom and yanked on his hoodie and joggers that he had thrown on it a few hours prior.

“outsideeee", you giggled down the line after a pause and another rustle in the background.

He sighed deeply, coming to the quick realisation that you weren't as sober as your messages had led him to believe, "I know that baby, what club are you at?"

In between drunken giggles you revealed the name of the club that you had ended up in that night, quietly whispering down the line that it smelt like sweaty feet in there and that was why you had taken it upon yourself to wait outside.

Furrowing his eyebrows at your response he quickly grabbed his keys from the dresser and jogged down the stairs, "Wait, are you on your own?"

"Noooo, there's a man being sick next to the lamppost and I think his friend is asleep on the floor right by my feet!" You giggled, resulting in another deep sigh from your boyfriend.

"Y/n how many times have I told you not to wander off on your own?” He grumbled out as he slid into his car, his half asleep body shivering from the cold.

The call dropped for a second as he started his engine, connecting through his car causing him to wince as your voice echoed through his speakers.

"I'm not on my own baby, I just told you, I'm with new friends!"

Mason couldn’t help but laugh at your cheer before quickly remembering his drunk girlfriend was standing outside a sketchy club, "Two random drunk men do not count as friends love, where’s Lana?”

“I told you Mase, she left with a man just now!”

“You didn't say she had already left!” He chastised, “just she wasn't going back to hers.”

Mason couldn't help but feel his anger grow towards your friend, pissed off she had ditched you in favour of hooking up with a stranger from the club. Lana was a nice girl, but Mason had seen straight through her from day dot and was forever reminding you Lana’s friendship was only there until a man came on the scene. He never anticipated she would be one to desert you on a night out when you had plans to stay at hers, otherwise he would have stayed awake and kept tabs on you.

Mason sighed yet again, “please go and wait inside until I get there baby, I'll be 10 minutes.”

“It’s okay Mase, I’ll stay with my friends!” You smiled as the man on the floor beside you began to stir.

Mason could hear the man muttering in the background of the call, panic growing by the second. He didn't mean to sound so sharp, but knew it would be the only way to get you to pay attention through your drunken haze, “Get back inside. Now, Y/N."

Mason pulled off the driveway and began his drive through the quiet streets of Surrey as you mumbled down the line in protest but followed his instructions, the music now coming through the line louder and clearer than before, "Good girl, I'm hanging up now you're inside. Just wait there, I'm only round the corner."

Mason pressed his foot to the accelerator a bit harder, praying silently there were no police cars roaming the streets as he sped to your location.

A few minutes later the club came into sight and Mason pulled up in an empty space across the street. The two men he presumed you had been standing beside were still outside on the pavement, though two more men, who he suspected were bouncers, had now joined them.

Mason looked up from his phone to see your dress-clad figure stumble from the front entrance, rolling down his window to give you a wave as he spotted you scanning the road in front of you in search of his car.

Your face broke into a grin as you spotted him, quickly darting across the empty street to his car, but not before throwing a "Bye guys!" to the two partially unconscious men you had 'befriended'.

You reached his car, leaning in through the drivers window, pouting your lips to ask for a kiss which Mason granted, pressing his lips to yours in a quick peck.

"Hi baby, I missed you", you giggled into his neck as you leaned further into the car and cuddled into his warm body.

Mason reached up to stroke your hair back, gently lifting your head so he could see your face, "missed you too pretty, did you have a good night?" He asked.

You grinned back at him, slowly nodding your head and letting out a dragged out "Yesss, the best!"

"Good, now get in the car please before someone sees and thinks I'm soliciting you", he teased, aware you weren't in the nicest area and having a half dressed woman hanging through his car window down a dark street may have looked a bit suspicious to onlookers. He leaned across the car to open the passenger side door ready for you as you let out an offended gasp.

"Hey! I'm not a prostitute! I'm your girlfriend!" You laughed, lightly smacking his chest before stumbling around to the passenger side.

He hummed in response as you slid into your seat, throwing your bag at your feet with a tired sigh. He leaned across to plug your belt in after watching you struggle, giving you another quick kiss before starting his engine and pulling away.

He spent the entirety of the short drive home quietly chuckling in response to your drunken ramblings, animatedly giving him a play by play of your night's adventures.

"And then, as I was waiting to order my drink, this guy came over and I think he might've been flirting with me, Mase!" You gasped, "he offered to buy me a drink and he kept looking at my boobs, which I thought was pretty rude. But anyway, I told him I wasn't interested and 5 minutes later he was necking on with some other girl on the dance floor so I really don't think he was that interested either!"

Mason couldn't help but burst out laughing, reaching his hand across the center console to grasp your hand in his, giving your fingers a light squeeze.

“Why are you laughing at me?” You frowned, head tilted in confusion, “That is not very nice. I haven't said anything funny.”

His lips trembled as he tried to contain his chuckles, pulling your hand up to place a kiss to it in apology, “sorry baby, you're right. Did you have a good time apart from that?”

“Yesss!” You nodded animatedly, “I had to make new friends though as Lana was sitting at the bar with this bloke most of the night.”

Mason sighed in response, reminding himself in the morning to speak to you about being careful around your so-called friend. He would never tell you what you could or couldn't do, but he couldn't help but itch at the thought of you going out with just her again. His brain was in overdrive imagining the position you may have been in if he wasn't there to come and pick you up.

“I’m glad you had fun baby girl,” he kissed the back of your hand once again, holding it against his lips for a moment as he focused on the road ahead.

He looked across at you as he pulled onto the drive, innocently staring up at him with a soft smile making his heart clench at how much he adored you. Mason turned and pressed a kiss to your softly pouted lips, pecking you one, two, three times before turning to climb out the car and walk round to the passenger side to help you out. You'd made it as far as unplugging your seatbelt as he pulled the door open, reaching down to grab your clutch and heels that you had slipped off during the journey before scooping you up from the seat and carrying you bridal style up the driveway.

"Thank you for coming to get me," you whispered into his neck as he carried you to the front door, glancing back to check the car had locked as he placed you carefully on the doorstep.

"Anytime baby" he breathed against the side of your head as he unlocked the door.

The house was dark as you made your way in, the both of you heading straight for the stairs to take you up to your bedroom, fatigue setting in as the warmth of your house consumed you. You took the stairs slowly, Mason’s large hands wrapped around your waist to guide you from behind. You leant heavily into Mason's grip as he guided you through the bedroom door and directed you into your ensuite.

"C'mon baby, sit up on the counter,” he instructed, turning you and lightly lifting you from the hips until you were settled in front of him beside the sink.

He reached into the draw to his right, pulling out some wipes and gently beginning to wash away your makeup, softly tugging the false lashes from your lids as he stood between your thighs.

You stared up at him as he worked away, brows furrowed in concentration as he attempted to wipe away every trace of makeup on your skin.

You hadn't even realised your eyes were fluttering shut until the fingers that were cupping your jaw tapped lightly against your skin, "don't fall asleep on me just yet, pretty girl, you'll be annoyed if you wake up in the morning with makeup on."

You grumbled in response, eyes shutting completely as you felt your head beginning to spin, tiredness settling deep in your bones. You heard the click of a lid, flinching slightly as Mason wiped a cold blob of what you assumed was moisturizer onto your forehead, his gentle fingers massaging the cream into your skin making you sigh in contentment.

Reaching across behind you, fumbling around until you located your toothbrush and the tooth paste, eyes too blearly to properly see what you were doing. You squinted slightly as you squirted a blob onto the head of the brush, quickly wetting it and shoving it into your mouth.

"Good try babe,” Mason paused, a chuckle leaving his mouth, “but that's my brush.”

Glancing down to the toothbrush in your hand, you shrugged, continuing to scrub your teeth as he shook his head, muttering under his breath that he would just get another one tomorrow. You rolled your eyes, figuring he had shared enough of your germs throughout the years to be that concerned but settled down when he flashed you a cheeky smile.

Carefully unwrapping your legs from his waist, he ducked out of the bathroom, returning moments later with your pajamas in his hand.

“Spit,” he murmured after stepping back between your parted thighs.

Leaning to the side, you spat the tooth paste from your mouth as instructed and turned back to look up at your boyfriend who wiped the excess foam from the corner of your mouth with his thumb.

Holding onto your hips, he gently slid you down from the counter and settled you on your feet, lifting your dress and slowly pulling it over your head. He worked in silence, unclipping your bra and sliding your knickers down your legs, quickly slipping his old t-shirt over your head before helping you step into your sleep shorts.

Once you were suitably dressed for bed and make-up free, he pressed another kiss to your lips and nodded his head towards the toilet, "go for a wee quick, otherwise you'll have us both awake again in an hour.”

You nodded in response, doing as you were told as Mason busied himself filling you a glass of water to take to bed and clearing away the used make up wipes. With a sideway glance, daring you to make a comment, he grabbed his toothbrush and gave his own teeth a quick refresh.

Flushing the toilet and shimmying your shorts back up, you joined him at the sink, knocking your hip into his as you washed your hands. He smiled with a shake of his head, watching as you skipped past him back into your bedroom and dove head first into the pile of sheets that had been left unmade from his previously disturbed slumber.

You sat up and watched him as he placed the glass of water on your nightstand, pulling your phone from your discarded clutch and plugged it in to charge. It was small actions like that that made your heart leap with affection for your boyfriend, knowing you would always be looked after and doted on as if it was second nature to him.

Mason stood back after helping you under the duvet, walking around to his side of the bed. Your eyes locked onto his bare body as you watched him pull his jumper over his head, admiring the way his back muscles moved under his soft skin. There was something so sexy to you about the way he undressed himself, roughly grabbing the collar of his top and seamlessly pulling it over his head, a sight that had you brain running away with itself as you thought back to all the times he had done that same action before having his way with you. The sight made you shiver and your skin heat, your alcohol fuelled hormones making your head spin.

Mason kept his back to you as he dropped his joggers over his narrow hips, sitting down on the edge of the bed to yank them off before settling in beside you, reaching to turn his bedside lamp off and engulfing the room in darkness.

You groaned in protest that the show had ended, rolling onto his chest as he laid back, gently scratching your nails across the light smattering of hair. He moaned in contentment at the feeling, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head and wrapping his arms around you to pin you against his chest.

"I love you," you whispered into the dark, tucking your head into his neck, hooking your leg over his hips to cuddle into him impossibly closer.

"I love you too baby," Mason hummed, rolling himself into you so your bodies were pressed against each other, lips finding yours in the dark for a loving kiss. His lips molded against yours with ease, the kiss slow and gentle, Mason eventually pulling away to let out a tired yawn.

“We better get some sleep,” he sighed, settling into the pillow, nose brushing against yours as you had decided to share his for the night, not wanting to part from his embrace.

“Night Masey,” you whispered, pecking his lips one more time for good measure, “thank you for looking after me.”

"Always."

[lunajay33]

The One🤎

Summary: You were in the line up and Negan took a liking towards you taking you back to the sanctuary, he wants you as another wife but you’re different (age gap)

Pairing: Negan Smith x f!reader

•Masterlist•

You were sitting in the line up next to Carl, you were the second youngest of the group but for some reason you weren’t scared even though you were surrounded by men with guns and a man swinging around a bat

“Well now look at you, quite the beauty”

“Perv” the group looked at you like you were insane to talk to him like that after what he just did to Abraham

He kneeled in front of you smirking, it made your heart thump it was strange a feeling you’ve never really felt before

“Got a mouth on her too, I like it, how old?”

“22” you said with less sass this time

“Hmmmm I was thinking of killing another one of you but I think I’ll take you home instead” he laughed as he motioned to a man to move you to Negans truck

“You better not touch her” Michonne stated with no fear

“Don’t worry darling, I’ll take real good care of her………..let’s go boys!” Everyone got in there trucks, Negan hoping in the drivers seat just you and him, you looked out to window to those left in the line up watching you with fear, fear for you and what might happen

The truck rolled out of the dirt road until the group was was no longer in sight, leaving you to the silence of the truck, only the sound of Negan tapping on the steering wheel

“Do you have any music in this truck at least” you groaned hating the silence, never was one for it

He laughed pointing to the glove box

“Something should be in there darling”

Rummaging through the few cds that were in the glove box you found a Lana Del Rey CD making you laugh from shock

“Didn’t take you for a Lana man” you said as you slid the CD into the stereo skipping to White Mustang sitting back sighing in relief having missed this song

“What can I say, it’s enticing music, really gets the ladies in the mood”

“Oh really, and how many “ladies” do you get in the mood?” You asked in disbelief a little jealous as well even though you barely knew this man

“I have some wives, you might be the next”

“Well I don’t know what they’re like but if you want me as your wife it’s not going to be that easy and I won’t compete for a man” you didn’t know where this confidence came from but he made you feel a type of way

Negan showed you around the compound finally showing you where you’d be staying

“And this is your room, the other wives are all in the surrounding rooms, mines the one right at the end, if you ever need something”

“You live pretty lavishly up here, why do you need to steal from other communities” you groaned as you sat on the bed

“It’s the way I run things Angel get use to it, I’ll let you settle there will be a man on the outside of the door so you don’t try to escape” he said with that devilish smirk before he left closing the door behind him

You sighed laying back on the bed, in one day things changed so much, Maggie got sick something obviously wrong with the baby, caught by the saviours, Negan finishing off Abraham and now you were taken away from the people you loved, but maybe it was for the best maybe if he hadn’t taken you he might have killed more, if it meant they could live you could put up with whatever was going to happen here

The days went by, it had to have been a week and you haven’t left the room, the man at your door brought you food ever so often but you only ever had a little and picked at it, you felt like a prisoner, you thought since Negan took a liking to you that maybe he’d be around more

It was late in the middle of the night and the man at the door was long gone, you opened the door and the hall was silent, tiptoeing down the hall to the last room Negan said was his, you raised your hand to knock but decided to just go on in, turn the nob and opening slowly, peaking in to see him fast asleep on his huge bed the moon shining in through the windows

You walked to his side of the bed and poked his arm, no movement, you pushed him a bit harder but he only groaned

“Negan?” You whispered finally waking him up, he sat up in bed obviously still a bit out of it

“Angel what’re you doing here so late?” Suddenly this felt like an embarrassingly bad decision but it didn’t change how you were feeling

“I’m……I’m lonely”

You were ready for his quick wit or a horny remark but he just moved over and raised the blankets

“Well come on” you slide in next to him, the woodsy cherry cologne he wore surrounded you calming your nerves, you both laid down face to face

“None of the other wives have ever willingly come to my room” he said

“Why didn’t you come to mine? It’s been a week”

“I don’t know, guess you seem different than the others didn’t wanna blow my chances” this new side of him was a lot more comforting to be around

“Oh so you think you have a chance” you said letting out a sarcastic laugh

“You’re the one that came to my bed” he smirked

“I guess you could have a chance here but o don’t wanna be just another wife Negan” you said before sleep overcame you and you were out

You woke up the next morning to an empty bed except for a piece of paper where Negan was, you opened it a little nervous

“I’m out figuring some things out, I left you some new clothes on the edge of the bed, breakfast is on the desk, get your rest Angel”

Angel, that word sent a thrill through you, you looked to the end of the bed seeing a ivory lacy dress with a pair of worn cowgirl type boots and it fit perfectly, looking at the desk to see strawberries and pancakes, starving you ate the whole thing, tempted to lick the plate

The day went on and it was getting boring, you found a CD player and another Lana del Rey disc, playing Blue Jeans, you walked around the room checking out what he’s collected, a lot of CDs from nickelback to Lana to Alice in chains, a huge range of music, his closet was full of plaid and plain tshirts, you took a brown plaid and threw it on over your dress seeming to match perfectly and his cologne still lingered making your heart thump like the first time you talked

“Looking pretty gorgeous Angel, I see the clothes sit perfect” you heard from behind you making you jump and spin around seeing him leaning against the door frame

“Sorry I was a little cold and I just wanted to wear one” you said feeling embarrased

“Well I think you should wear my clothes more often” he smirked as he took your hand and led you to sit on the bed

“What did you do today? I thought you’d be here when I woke up”

“Your words got to me last night, I know we’ve barely known eachother but…..it’s been a long time since someone’s made me feel this way”

“How do I make you feel?” You asked sitting closer

“Oh I think you know Angel, cause I think you feel the same way, you get a thrill around me, your heart thumps when you’re close to me, I want that more than some meaningless hookups…….thats why let the other wives go, broke everything off, I wanna see where this can go just you and me” he said squeezing your hand

“Really you did that for me?”

“I want a chance Angel, if you’re up for it”

“I’m all yours Negan, but you have to leave Alexandria alone, they’re still my family……please”

“Whatever you want Angel, just want you happy”

He pushed your hair back behind your ear tracing his fingers down you checks to your jaw, butterflies going crazy in your stomach

“I might be a little inexperienced compared to you, I don’t wanna get your hopes up” he laughed before realizing you were serious

“Oh you’re serious, how have you never been with someone, you’re so sexy”

“Well you know the world ended and I never really found the person or the time to bang one out”

“Don’t worry baby, I got you, show you a real good time, when you’re ready”

[weepingtalecowboy]

Wars got tuned lol

Usually Tune never says anything to Wars during Hyrule warriors (because timeline and everything)

But what if Tune was just thinking that he can win his older bro over without telling him they once were brothers

Because Warriors managed it as well so he would figure it out too he will just be affectionate and shit (Warriors was doing the same so he obviously has to prove that he can do it better)

So when Wars met Tune

Tune was just acting like they already knew each other for years and then proceeded to wipe the floor with Cia

(he overheard time and Warriors talking about her and now that he is in on the conflict he ain't letting her into a 30 mile radius of Wars if he can beat her beforehand)

So Wars pushed him away in the beginning out of anxiety because his only other stalker was Cia and he knows how that turned out (an entire war)

That convinced tune to try harder because he ain't losing to baby time at being the best younger sibling

So Wars had to deal with Tune giving him fairy food (which made wars question how and why he has the exact same measurements of HIS own personal fairy food recipe )

Creepily hovering next to his window with his face pressed against it and awkwardly attempting at making conversation with him (Tune was busy fighting Lana for this spot lol he EARNED the right to protect his brother from her likes)

Break into Wars apartment and then raid the fridge like he lives there yet leaving when asked because he respects the other’s privacy (considering how much he breaks in he might as well be no matter how often Wars changes the locks )

And asking if he can be friends with him at every single opportunity

Wars was NOT enjoying Tune's company at all (Tune was hearth broken lol)

But because Tune was reliable and unsettlingly ready to DIE for him when necessary and loyal to an undesirable degree (like Lana but more effective)

He would just have to accept that he is friends with a lunatic who has a very bad habit of asking him if he can join him in his fucking bed (Wind wants comfort he really doesn’t realize that he sounds like an absolute maniac)

But accepting Tune is a force that can’t be stopped gives him a few advantages

For example Lana is afraid of Tune so if he stays close to the maybe serious criminal then she will stay in line

That applies to every single person in Hyrule who has a crush on him

At first he thought that Tune also has a crush on him but Tune quickly corrected him because in his words “that is fucking disgusting you are so disgusting ew,… ewwww”

So because it is not a creepy crush he really has no idea what that guy's deal is

Because what else is there that would explain why the other wants to go kill somebody for him just because

But at some point he decides that the pros of having someone crazy that asks very intrusive questions but respects decisions like NOT getting to stay at his place

Are better then the cons of having no crazy friend to scare away undesired other crazy people

So Tune forcefully got to make friendship bracelets with wars

Wars pointing at Tune : sometimes you need a crazy friend to scare away other crazy people

Tune not explaining shit to him : We are friends finally :3

Wars : how the fuck are you still in my apartment !?,”,!? I changed the locks twenty times already!

Tune : ;) friendship

During linked universe Warriors had the biggest realization of history because why the fuck was Wind so bad at keeping their relationship from the future (past..it’s complicated) a secret

He obviously was much much better at it (.. he isn’t Wind just has no sense of boundaries and doesn’t care if a random guy is offering him a scarf in his sadness so warriors is correct in his books)

Time is disappointing in every single aspect of their life but learned from his own adventures that telling those idiots that they are idiots doesn’t diminish their idiocy

[milliesfishes]

Hi sweetest girl in town, Millie! Can you by chance write something angsty for Alex? I love the best best friends to lovers trope before they are officially together, like in pwmov after they hooked up and felt really hurt and heartbroken. But they actually both loved each other!! Or love an “unrequited” love confession and just all the feels. Have a lovely night!

꣑ৎ౨ৎOcean Blvd꣑ৎ౨ৎ

[fem reader] contains: angst pairing: alex nilsen x fem reader summary: you and alex hook up on vacation author’s note: I very much hope this is good Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

From this angle you could see your pale pink bra where it had been unceremoniously tossed the ground. Alex's fingers were nimble, and the swiftness of the removal had only made your heart beat faster.

Inches away was your top, further your shorts. Your panties were closest to the bed. His clothes were discarded at equal intervals, lying beside your things like a couple's picture. Close to the entrance of the motel room were both of your shoes, one of his lying sole up atop your sandal.

The sheet was cool around your chest where you had pulled it up once he'd gotten off of you, suddenly self-conscious despite what you'd just done. His hand was resting palm down by your hip, elbow on the mattress, thumb stroking your side lazily. You weren't sure if he was looking at you. A part of you hoped he was.

Turning your head to the side revealed that he was staring at the ceiling, his chest not rising and falling as quickly as it had a few minutes ago. Alex's hair was a mess from your fingers running through it, and you suspected your own was along the same lines.

When he shifted, your eyes fell away, focusing on the edge of the pillow under your head. Your hair was cushioned under your ear, ends splayed out toward him. Silence like suffocating smoke was filling the air, pierced only by the sounds of doors opening and closing outside, keys jingling cheerfully as their owners' flip flops thumped their heels.

Just minutes ago you'd been breathing his name, his lips ghosting your neck, hands gripping your waist so hard you wouldn't be surprised if there were bruises later. And now it was quiet. And you hated it.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. It was just another annual vacation with your best friend, the one you loved and trusted more than anybody else in the world. This trip to a sunny coastal town in southern California was supposed to be an escape from your problems, not a place to create new ones. But the tension had been thick, connecting both of you like an iron bar.

Today especially had been bordering the precipice. The two of you had walked, shoulders bumping, through the less-than-busy streets with grass and daisies growing between the sidewalk cracks. Ice cream from your cones dripping onto your fingers, you'd hardly stopped giggling the whole morning, playing a game of I Spy with the quirky things you spotted.

"Me," Alex had said, unwrapping a finger from around his ice cream to point at a stone figurine of a cat wearing a frog hat.

You nudged him with one elbow, chasing a droplet running down your cone with your tongue. "I think you'd wear it better."

"Of course I would, I'm adorable."

This continued until you stopped at a low stone wall close to the beach, sitting and resting your feet. You'd popped the pointed end of the cone into your mouth and set your bag down, stretching and tilting your head, gasping when you nearly fell backwards. Quicker than lightning, Alex reached out to steady you, forgetting that what was left of his ice cream was still in that hand.

When the cold of it smeared your side, you instantly knew what it was. As he pulled you in closer to him, away from where you would have fallen into a bed of sea grass, you could see the realization on his face. You braced a hand on his chest, laughter bubbling from your lips. "Is your hand sticky now?"

"Yeah." He cracked a smile upon seeing that you were unbothered, fingers starting to lift from your side.

You stopped him, grabbing his arm. "Keep it there. It'll hide the stain until we get back to our room."

Alex didn't argue, reaching down to pick up your bag and sling it over his shoulder. The two of you carefully stood up, walking side by side as you crossed the street. He adjusted his fingers where they laid a few times, and you felt electric just from that. Feelings were poking through your bubble without breaking it, swirling around inside you like fairy dust. The quiet that settled between you was comfortable.

It was the stark opposite of now.

You felt dread land like a lead ball in your stomach as he turned on his side to face you, hand reaching out to brush yours. "Are you-?"

"I'm gonna go to the pool!" Plastering a smile to your face, you stood up, ignoring the flush in your cheeks when you remembered you still weren't wearing anything. Pushing through it, you ignored the slight tremble of your knees in favor of finding your suitcase on the ground and pulling out a bikini. It was the only one that wasn't drying over the edge of the bathtub, but also the most revealing one. Not helpful.

Alex sat up, not bothering to cover himself. You averted your eyes, tugging on your bottoms and beginning to tie the back. He cleared his throat once. "You're...okay, I..." You looked up, and he scratched the back of his neck.

"I'll meet you down there," you offered, brushing your hair behind your ear as a distraction and adjusting your top over your breasts. Cramming your sunglasses on your head, you met his eyes again, saw the confusion swimming in them.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Uh...yeah. Maybe."

You felt a stab of guilt. "Okay." Taking your bag stuffed with sunscreen, a towel, and a book, you padded to the door, only stopping to pick up your shorts from the clothing trail and pull them on. Slipping your feet into your sandals, you slithered out the door like a snake, feeling like one too.

All the way to the pool, your eyes stung with tears, his tone echoing in your head. Depositing your bag on the chair next to you, an automatic habit in case he came down, you drew your knees to your chest, squeezing your eyes shut. There were a million feelings blooming in your chest and they were all foreign.

That scared you.

He'd been a constant in your life forever, truly the one person you could depend on, trust. And you might have just ruined it. The thought brought forth a tear from your eye, and you just let it fall. Nobody else was at the pool, the temporary residents of the motel likely off to town for the evening.

You felt like a fisherman trying to reel in a whale. The sparks you'd always felt with Alex weren't candlelight anymore, they were a fire, and it was consuming you. For so long you'd fought it, hidden away and told yourself you were only imagining it. But the truth was rearing its ugly head, even now causing you to close your eyes as if that would make it disappear.

You couldn't love him. He was your best friend. You couldn't.

Reaching for your book, you opened it to a random page, trying to veer your attentions away from something you desperately wanted to avoid right now. Your vision was blurry, and you could hardly make out the words before you. They may as well have been in Greek.

Everything in your brain had dissipated save for seconds-long memories like a montage of what had happened. Unlocking the door. Pulling off your shirt, laughing at something he said. Going quiet when he saw you topless. Pulling you in. Lips finding yours.

"You're beautiful."

His hands skimmed the line of your panties, thumbs hooking on the edges.

You were bare before him.

So was he. He was beautiful too.

The worst part of all of it was how right it had felt. Your bodies fit like they were made to be pressed together, swelling and flattening in all the right places. His touch ruined every sensation in the world, and you wanted to feel his hands on you over and over, like rolling waves on the tide. Late at night when you were too tired to deny anything about yourself you had wondered...thoughts wandering...how would it feel to touch him that way? To kiss him?

Alex kissed like he'd been craving you, his lips practically devouring yours. He knew just where to touch you, as if you'd done this every day for years. Even though you'd been able to feel how much he wanted you, he'd kept you on his lap, legs on either side of his thighs as he kissed you long and slow and sweet.

Now you knew. But you'd likely paid the price with the person you loved most in the world.

It was sunset. The colors were streaking the sky, some heavenly being's creation to ease mortals into the night. You would have snapped a picture if you hadn't left your phone back in the motel room.

Alex hadn't appeared once since you'd come down, and ever minute without him made you feel worse. This was the longest you'd been apart since the trip had begun, including the plane ride. You always drove to the airport together since it was so far from Linfield, splitting the parking for one car. His head always found your shoulder on the plane ride, your hand clasped with his because he often grew anxious at takeoff.

Already you were mourning the loss of these memories, ones you thought would repeat themselves over and over. This could very well be your last trip together. All because you couldn't rein in your emotions after seeing how he'd looked at you when you were only wearing a bra.

It was a sour ache because he was such a fixture in your life. Alex inhabited every part of you, had worked himself into so many details of your life. He took up a good fifty percent of the pictures in your phone. You'd shopped for all your furniture together when you got your own apartment, and he helped you put it together. So many of the little trinkets in your room were things he'd gotten for you, and even the bikini you were wearing had undergone his approval before you hit purchase. Not that it mattered- whenever you sent him pictures of things, he told you you'd look good in them.

Alex Nilsen's essence was draped over every aspect of you, tangled into your mind and firmly set like a mold around your heart. It was a wonder something like this hadn't happened sooner. A part of you wished it had, because then this wouldn't hurt as much. The other part was happy you got to have every moment with him.

Tears sprung to your eyes again, but you clenched your jaw, not wanting to cry anymore. This is stupid. You haven't even talked to him, one part of your mind insisted. You buried your face in your hands, trying to keep your breathing steady. Working yourself into a panic attack wouldn't help anybody. No, you just ran away at the scene before he could get a word in.

"Hey." You looked up, a strand of hair escaping your sunglasses headband and falling into your eyes. There he was, standing in front of you in his swimsuit and short sleeved shirt unbuttoned. The one you'd sent him a picture of as a joke because it had tiny mermaids dotted all over it, but he'd ended up buying.

Both your phones were held in one hand, and he set them down by your beach bag, sitting at the edge of the chair. "Are you alright?"

Your fingers flew to the ends of your hair, twisting them. "Yeah."

Alex gave a half-smile, his eyes never leaving your face. "Me too."

He understands. You let go of a breath, and finally met his gaze. "I'm sorry I left like that."

A single nod. "I get it." He held out a hand into the space between your chairs, and you met him halfway, clasping his fingers. Even his touch comforted you, easing the sharp feeling that had been cutting slowly at your being for the past while. "I took a walk. Had some time to think about...everything."

You cast your eyes to the ground. "We don't have to play any games. If you want to forget it ever happened..."

"No." When you looked back up at him, he looked surprised. Squeezing your hand, he asked, "Is that what you want?"

"I..." you were speechless. "I just thought..."

"Why did you hook up with me if you just wanted to forget about it?" Alex's words hit you like a punch to the stomach. He let go of your hand, and you felt tears rise to your eyes all over again.

"I didn't...I don't..." you were grasping, trying to find your words. "Alex..." Taking in a shuddering breath, you felt panic begin to constrain you. As you recognized the signs, you turned away, pressing a hand flat to your chest.

He touched your shoulder. "Hey. It's okay...you're okay-" You felt a weight on your chair as he sat beside you, fingers rubbing your skin. "C'mere." You didn't resist, turning into him and hiding your face in his chest. Alex's hand pressed lightly on your back, and you were too tense for his warm touch to cause anything but comfort.

You were flushed with humiliation- in all the time you'd known him you needed less than one hand to count how many times you'd cried in front of him. He let his chin rest on the top of your head, fully engulfing you in him.

"I don't want to forget any part of you," you breathed, voice hitching. One of your cheeks was pressed to his chest, half to skin and half to his shirt, one button digging into your face. He ran his hand up your back once.

His hand was at your lower back, two fingers lingering at the waistband of your shorts, the others splayed out on your skin. Now the sky was a brilliant orange, lighting the sun's glowing path as it sunk into the earth, lighting the day of somebody else. You watched it fall over his shoulder, legs half tangled over his thigh. The sunset shadows were thrown behind you, your silhouettes intertwined in a perfect shape that imprinted on your heart.

Alex waited for you to pull back first, keeping his hands at your waist, just in case. You met his eyes. "I don't want to forget you."

His shoulders slumped, and he removed a hand from your waist to cup your cheek. Rubbing your cheekbone gently, he murmured, "I don't want to forget you either."

You shifted, half-sitting on his lap now, and he touched your thigh, tracing your kneecap with his other hand. "Look...you know me. I wouldn't hook up if there wasn't...if I didn't feel something."

There it was. That scary, indescribable sensation in your chest, that fluttered your heart like a pair of butterfly's wings. Your instinct was to shrink away, but the way he was looking at you nearly sent stars shooting just so you could wish on them.

Reaching for his hand on your knee, you squeezed it. If there had ever been anything you struggled with, it was expressing yourself in words. But he deserved to know. "I feel it too."

Alex's face brightened like a light had gone off inside him, and your heart ached. He was so eager to love you. Exhaling softly, you looked away, focusing on the fringe of your beach towel. "I just don't want to ruin anything."

"Ruin anything?" He turned your cheek so you'd look at him. "How would that ruin anything?"

"Because I love you and I don't want to lose you," you pleaded, hand finding his wrist. "If we do this and it doesn't work out, I don't want us to become strangers. I don't want to see you in a room someday and know everything about you and not be able to talk to you."

It was clear the instant realization dawned on him. Your lower lip trembled just slightly, and you squeezed your eyes shut, a single tear dropping to your thigh. Alex pulled you into him again, smoothing a hand down your hair. You wished he could iron this out the same way.

"We don't have to go there yet." His voice was quiet, subdued. Drawing back to look at you, he tucked a stray strand behind your ear, adjusting the strap of your bikini top. "Just...know that I love you. In every possible way."

The sky was golden as you leaned into him, his arm around your shoulders. You watched the sun fall into the sea, stars beginning to dot the sky like an entity threw a handful of glitter over the dark canvas.

You wrapped your arms around his torso, the salt air hazy around the space. "I love you too."

He pressed his lips to your temple.

Maybe everything would be okay.

[couldawouldashoulda50]

Never Been Kissed - Part Three - Matthew Knies

Below is part three of my entry for @cellythefloshie's birthday BINGO, featuring Matthew Knies. Again, my 5 tropes (Virginity, Age Gap, Secret Lovers, Meet Cute, Pining) are spread across the 3 parts.

In case you missed it - linking Part One and Two

Warnings/Notes - general smut (p in v), allusions to smut (both m and f oral), swearing. For anyone who read the first two parts, I did adjust the OC's age slightly. I hadn't received any feedback, but after some more research to get a grasp of overall public opinion on age differences in dating, I did change Lana's age slightly.

Celly - I hope you had the most amazing birthday....you are truly one of my favourite writers on here so it makes me happy to try and do something for you. I hope you have enjoyed this journey with Matthew Knies -- I have really enjoyed writing him.

Word Count - 6.7k

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With the promise of their lunchtime rendezvous solidified, the pair went off in their separate directions—Lana heading into the office and Matthew to his condo and then to the gym.

Lana's casual attire—flowy linen pants and a t-shirt—was a clear signal that she did not plan to remain in the office for long. When Ainsley walked in and saw Lana's outfit, with her hair swept up in a loose bun, she knew something was up.

Ainsley approached Lana's office and softly knocked on her door. "Lana… are you okay?"

Lana noticed the concern on her assistant's face and tried to sound reassuring as she fibbed. "I'm fine, but something's not agreeing with me. Since it's slow today, I think I'll take the rest of the day off and deal with this at home."

"Is it like food poisoning or something?"

Lana wanted to tie up the line of questioning quickly and just get the hell out of there. "No—but let's just say my stomach isn't thanking me for the hot dog I had at the ball game yesterday."

"You ate a hot dog? Were you drunk or something? You never eat stuff like that…"

"Yeah, well, now I remember why." Lana rubbed her stomach for extra effect as Ainsley winced in a show of sympathy. "Anyway, call me if there are any issues. Looks like it might be a slow week anyway with the long weekend coming up. A nice relaxed week would be nice before the craziness of September hits."

Ainsley nodded and wished Lana well, telling her to go home and rest before the forecasted downpour begins. Lana felt a twinge of guilt for being untruthful to her assistant, but in this case, the less Ainsley knew, the better. Besides, Lana was aware that Ainsley had veered off the path of truth and accuracy on more than a few occasions.

Although it wasn't because of the hot dog, drinks, or anything else she had eaten the day before, Lana's stomach felt like it was turned upside down. Nervous energy swirled within her as she returned home with a few grocery items and one box of condoms that she painstakingly selected. After seeing so many brands, sizes, sensations, and everything else under the sun in the family planning section of the store, in a panicked state, she called Jason. Lana decided calling her brother would be awkward, and other friends might pry too much, so Jason became her unlikely condom consultant—a role he embraced with surprising enthusiasm.

Lana guesstimated that Matthew might return by about 11:30, so she had time for some personal care. With underarms, bikini line, and legs as smooth as silk, she slathered her favorite lotion from her neck all the way to her polished toes.

She dressed in a simple white t-shirt and loose-fitting pants and went about assembling fresh flatbread pizzas, salad, and some sweet but healthy options for dessert. Lana had no clue what hockey players ate while training, so she was forced to wing it to the best of her ability.

Meanwhile, across the city, Matthew smirked and shook his head as he evaded questions about his recent whereabouts from a few of his teammates, as he quickly packed up to leave the gym. Joe wasn't among those who kept pestering Matthew to come out with them after their session, but being one of his closest friends, he knew something was up with his buddy.

As Matthew smiled and bee-lined it to the door, giving a rather hurried wave to those around him, Joe quickly gathered his things, grabbed his bag, and bolted after him.

"Matty—hold up a sec…" Joe hollered as he ran to catch up to Matthew at the door. With a few long strides, Joe was next to him walking out into the parking lot. Joe chuckled at the determined expression on his good pal's face. "Hot date? Where're you heading off to in such a rush?"

Matthew decided to stretch and manipulate the truth as best as he could. Lying wasn't his forte. "I have an appointment with the realtor—just some things to, uh, you know… finish up—I guess…," his voice trailing off.

"How about we go out to that ping-pong bar tonight—y'know, get some of the boys and get some challenges going?"

Distracted by the rumble of thunder in the distance, Matthew fidgeted, shifting his backpack from one shoulder to the other. "Uh—yeah, maybe… I'm not sure just yet… let me do what I planned to do and I'll let you know after I get a nap in."

Given his recent mood shifts and the fact he'd been a bit of a ghost for the past couple of weeks, Joe had all but expected Matthew to decline. "Yeah? OK… yeah, man… sounds good… shoot me a text then and we'll figure it out."

Matthew hurriedly threw his bag in the backseat of his vehicle, quickly blurted a "I'll message ya later" towards Joe, and promptly sped off, leaving his good friend even more puzzled than before.

As Matthew eased along Dundas Street West, he thought solely about Lana. He knew he might be too young to even have this notion, but he had never known a woman like her. He scoffed at himself, acknowledging how much of a cliché it was to even think the thought. Falling for a bona fide woman—a stunning, successful, electrifying woman—is what Matthew realized he craved. Girls his age were fun, vibrant, and awesome to hang out with, but the influx of women who'd emerged this past season had provided Matthew with a clearer picture of what he didn't want.

Matthew realized he was licking his lips incessantly as the nervousness began to build when he turned onto Lana's street. Drops of rain began to spatter onto his windshield, filling him with anticipation of the hours ahead. Unless something drastic had changed, he would be making love to Lana sooner rather than later, and this time, he was prepared.

Using the garage pass Lana provided him with that morning, he parked his vehicle beside Lana's in the underground lot and used the elevator that stopped directly in her place. Lana knew he had arrived even before the elevator doors had opened, having spotted him on the security monitor in her kitchen. How the sight of him walking across the lot to the elevators felt bizarrely familiar, Lana would never know. It felt as though he was meant to be there all along.

Matthew's face lit up as Lana came to greet him. She was about to ask him how everything went, but Matthew's mouth was already on hers, muffling her words. She couldn't help but smile and chuckle into his kiss before Matthew's kiss became a little more hungry and his grip around her more needful. She closed her eyes and offered everything she had within her to him.

Matthew began to walk them upstairs to her bedroom, but the sight of the prepared lunch stopped him in his tracks.

He looked at Lana bashfully. "Oh—man, everything looks incredible—sorry, I didn't mean to just come in hot like that… I just couldn't help it. We can eat—I don't want anything to spoil."

With a newfound confidence, Lana spoke as she kissed him. "None of it's gone into the oven yet—so… it can wait… if you had something else in mind…," Lana said softly between kisses, followed by a wink.

That's all the invitation Matthew needed. Within minutes, the two found themselves naked in bed, hands and mouths exploring in tandem, drawing out the most erotic sounds from each other.

The now torrential downpour added a glorious backdrop of white noise which accompanied the sweet, suggestive murmurs spoken against each other's warm flesh.

The condom conversation eventually occurred, and they couldn't stop laughing when they discovered the new bounty of latex sheaths that each had brought.

Lana was ready for Matthew, but nervousness continued to twist in her stomach. She bit her lip and tried to catch her breath as she watched Matthew carefully roll the condom down his firmly erect shaft. Like the day before, she fixated on every detail of his cock, and she felt a greater need for him blossom within her.

Matthew's hips pressed against hers as he leaned over and kissed her deeply. She raked her fingers through the longer strands of hair towards the base of his neck before her palms descended across his shoulders and along the ridges of his back muscles.

Lana spoke near his ear. "I think I'm ready, Matthew. Can we try now?"

Matthew nestled his face in the crook of her neck and responded "Yes" while softly kissing along her throat.

He positioned his cock at her entrance, rubbing the tip through her inner pussy lips. Slowly, he guided the head of his cock into her entrance as he gently pushed the full tip inside of her.

Matthew was careful and studied Lana's expressions and movements after she encouraged him to keep going deeper. She moaned and gripped his rock-hard forearms as he gently pumped his hips, allowing more of his shaft to slide inside her.

Matthew's full length was inside of Lana. Their gaze trailed from each other down to watch his cock enter and stroke her inner walls. Matthew noticed Lana start to relax as her initial discomfort began to dissipate. Her eyes fluttered closed, her mouth fell open, and her head lolled to the side as her hands roamed along all of his well-sculpted muscle groups. He gently worked his thumb around her clit, using the same technique that had brought her such bliss the night before. Steadily, Matthew continued his fluid motions, gliding in and out while he carefully caressed her highly sensitive bud, only stopping to wet his thumb, tasting her on his tongue.

Try as he might to prolong it, Matthew was getting close. He threw his head back, grunting loudly as he pumped Lana a little more quickly. When he heard her moan his name, he stretched out on top of her while her hands grasped onto his ass. Lana cried out and held onto Matthew's body as he tried to maintain his rhythm, but she just felt so good. Matthew gasped out that he was going to cum and gripped the pillow on either side of her head, flexing his muscles as his body spasmed and twitched with his release.

He remained on top of and inside Lana for a moment, breathing heavily, knowing how incredible he felt but unsure about Lana. But when their eyes connected, they shared a moment that was full of awe and amazement as their rapid breathing slowed.

For Lana, she had no expectations of what her first time would be like. She knew there would be discomfort and it wasn't going to look like the glorified Hollywood sex scenes she had seen in movies. But Matthew made losing her virginity feel natural, beautiful, and more enjoyable with his attentiveness and care.

The rain continued steadily into the early afternoon, but the dreariness outside was a perfect recipe for some relaxation, which Lana realized she had been lacking. Barely clothed, the two brought the flatbread creations back to bed and only stayed upright long enough to eat and drink. They kissed, chatted, and laughed while their hands feathered over each other's bodies. As they lay together, she learned about some of Matthew's physical scars, and he learned about the more emotional ones from Lana's childhood.

Eventually, Matthew enveloped Lana in his arms and held her tightly as he settled in for a nap. To Lana, a midday nap was unheard of; however, not long after Matthew's rumbling snores filled the room, Lana's eyes grew heavy, and she nodded off to sleep as well.

She awoke hours later to Matthew's mouth kissing her shoulder and his arm reaching over her to grab his phone. She smiled, hearing him groan and yawn beside her. She could hear him swiping and tapping the screen as she remained still with her back facing him.

Lana stirred slightly to signal she was awake. The typing on the screen ceased, and Matthew promptly set his cell aside. His hands then roamed her body, fondling everything within reach.

"Do you have anything going tonight? Or is it okay if I hang out here? I hope you're not sick of me yet," Matthew said.

She visualized his smile, one she found so disarming that she'd immediately cancel her plans, if she had any.

Lana kissed along Matthew's arm. "No, I have no plans… if you would like to, I would love to have you stay." She shifted her body, turning to face him. "So, you have nothing going on? I thought you boys would be constantly out on the town during this last stretch of summer," Lana said with a grin as she ran the back of her fingers down his cheek.

Matthew had just sent a message to Joe cancelling their potential plans for that evening. He knew he had begun to raise some questions in Joe's mind—questions that he would need to address at some point. But how could he when he really had no idea himself about what he and Lana were—or weren't?

"My buddy—Joe Woll—not sure if you know him?"

Lana nodded her head that she did.

"We had talked about getting together tonight with some of the guys that are in town now. But I just cancelled—I sort of wanted to stay here… hang out some more with you." Matthew seemed a little sheepish, now that he actually heard how the words sounded out loud.

Lana's brows furrowed with Matthew's admission. "Matthew—I hope you didn't feel like you had to stay… I know you have a life too—I'm not looking to get in the way of that."

"I know… I'm just not ready to leave this little space that we're in right now." Matthew's voice trailed off and then he chuckled. "I really like being with you and I want to do so much more of this… like, the last couple of days—getting to know so much more about you—I just—fuck—I think you're amazing…." Matthew's cheeks flushed at his confession, uncertain of whether Lana felt an ounce of what he had been feeling. "I hate asking this but, do you feel the same about me? Sort of like—do you have a picture of what we are… or could be? Maybe I shouldn't even be asking this…."

Lana looked up at Matthew, her expression warm and soft and full of affection for him. It boggled her mind that the soon-to-be 22-year-old would ever consider a relationship with someone well beyond his years.

"I'd like to continue this—whatever 'this' is... spending time together. I'm not sure of the proper label. Dating? Seeing each other?" Lana nestled closer to Matthew's chest, her fingers tracing patterns on his skin. She paused, then added softly, "But there's something I can't quite grasp."

Matthew shifted to get a better view of her face. He hadn't anticipated Lana's question and had to bite his tongue, allowing her to finish before he spoke.

"Why me? I'm not meaning to sound like I'm putting myself down, but I have tried to consider a few angles—you've got this incredible career ahead of you. You could have your pick of women—women more your age. Young women—models, athletes, whomever—that you can start your young lives together," Lana paused, gathering her thoughts. "I'm just… worried… I have lived my twenties. I'm in a whole other decade than you. And please don't get me wrong, when we're together, I rarely think about our age gap. You're so mature, intelligent, articulate, thoughtful..." She punctuated each compliment with a soft kiss on his chest. Then, worry clouded her face. "But don't you ever worry—if we were to start a relationship—that your family, your friends might feel I'm too old for you? You might even feel that way at some point down the road. I've seen all sorts of relationships with athletes, but this—this with me and you is something entirely different—"

Matthew interjected, shaking his head. "God—no. I know there's still so much we have to figure out about each other, but this being different is exactly what I want. I know I might seem too eager with wanting to spend as much time with you as I can—maybe I come across as immature... but it's because ever since we met, I never want our conversations—our time together—to end. It's like the biggest no-brainer I've ever had. So no—I don't think about whether there's a difference in age… I don't feel anything like that. I just can't ignore how great I feel when we're together."

Lana listened closely to Matthew's words, trying to uncover any red flags in how he viewed her. This didn't appear to be a ruse or him looking for a mother-figure, or anything else of that nature.

"Lana—look, I've been on the other side of things with my past girlfriends, even more than once—when everything becomes an argument, when even the simplest things seem hard, and being around them feels like a chore or an obligation. Fuck, I wasn't even looking to start dating—meeting you took me out at the knees and every single time we were together… you just—you brought out the best of me—and I think I did that for you too. So... if you're willing to give me a shot, I'm all in."

Lana's mind, once again, instinctively drifted into her natural mode of calculating risk. She could certainly see risks with Matthew, not just solely from his age, but questioning whether it was emotion or logic driving his feelings for her. She was in her own struggle between using logic or emotion, which was proving easier said than done.

But as Lana ran her hands down his broad chest, she agreed with him in her mind. He brought out the lighter parts of her personality, and she liked it. "I'd like to try. Take things day by day… spend what time we can with each other. I'm not looking to rush anything, and until we're both comfortable, I would prefer to keep this totally private. Does that sound okay?"

Matthew thought for a moment, reminding himself he had to be patient—this was her first relationship and she was understandably cautious. Matthew lifted her chin and kissed her gently while saying "Absolutely."

The rain subsided just before dinnertime. The two hadn't ventured much beyond the bedroom, and Lana fully and completely reveled in their lazy day together. Matthew's mouth explored more of Lana, and she, in turn, fueled by her fascination and internal drive, gave him her very first blow job. She thoroughly enjoyed the act, but it was the praise she received which made her positively giddy inside.

In Lana's mind, there could never be a comparison for the day she just spent with Matthew. He eased her comfortably into a whirlwind of changes and new experiences. Nothing felt overwhelming. It all just felt exactly as it should be.

In the days leading up to the Friday before Labor Day, Lana and Matthew managed to deftly arrange their respective schedules to maximize their newly sacred alone time. Knowing that Lana would remain up north for two weeks from Labor Day, Matthew pulled out all the stops, with romantic gestures and all-out wooing her before she departed for Muskoka Friday morning.

First, the bouquet of 11 long-stemmed white roses and 11 chocolate-dipped strawberries that arrived the following day. Ainsley delivered the gifts to Lana's office just as she exited the conference room, bidding farewell to her new client. Lana stifled a smile when she saw Ainsley's puzzled expression. She knew her assistant was bursting at the seams to ask the million questions she surely had bouncing in her mind. Lana glided over to her desk, marveling at the perfectly formed rosebuds, blushing as she removed the sealed envelope attached to one of the stems, and another on the box of strawberries.

"LANA—oh my god, it's killing me… who sent you roses and strawberries? Please… I won't tell anyone… please—are you seeing someone?"

Ainsley did not know about Lana's personal history. Although Lana had a good relationship with her assistant, it was after careful observation once Ainsley was hired that Lana saw Ainsley might be a touch too comfortable in sharing the private matters of others.

Lana fibbed. "Just a thank-you from Aryne Tavares for helping Matthew. I'm just going to call her now—I'll stop by your desk afterwards so we can go over some things while I'm away."

Ainsley recognized Lana wasn't eager to dive into a personal chat and quietly closed her office door, stopping to gossip with another sales rep in the break room.

Lana double-checked the door was closed before she opened the first envelope. The card read:

"11 is my new favorite number."

Lana wasn't sure of the reference right away, but it soon dawned on her. Their difference in age.

She chuckled and shook her head, grinning widely as she opened the second envelope.

"Better than beet juice. You can share these at the office—there will be more later."

Lana pressed the card against her heart. There will be more later echoed in her mind.

And there was more.

After Lana sent Matthew a quick thank-you note, they swiftly made plans to meet as soon as she arrived home from the office.

Just as Lana returned home, Matthew arrived at her door with two more bouquets of 11 long-stem roses—one red bouquet and one yellow, as he wasn't sure which color she liked the most.

Matthew also brought a second box of strawberries, dipped in rich Belgian chocolate, which had a dual purpose.

The strawberries, which were later placed on Lana's bare torso, would serve as edible foreplay.

After the delectable appetizer, the sustenance it provided fueled the pair for a marathon in bed. The freedom of knowing they wanted to try for a future together proved to be a powerful aphrodisiac.

Night had fallen, and Lana lay across her bed, breathless. Her skin still rosy and flushed, covered in a light sheen of sweat as she watched Matthew return from the bathroom. He crawled onto the bed, placing kisses over her naked body as she lazily ran her hands through his hair and down his back.

Lana mused that she could get used to this.

___

The Saturday of the Labor Day weekend was picture perfect. Bright and sunny skies, with every shade of blue on display in every direction. Lake Rosseau was still for the moment, the surface of the water would rival the smoothest glass.

Lana and Andrew's shared lakefront home was already buzzing with activity. Their Labor Day shindig was one of the area's most popular get-togethers, as the brother-sister duo were known for their warmth, hospitality, and delicious offerings from local food and drink venues. Lana and Andrew had long ago decided to take turns organizing the annual event. After Lana threw one of their most revered parties the previous year, Andrew and Jason were determined to outdo her this time. This friendly sibling rivalry to host the better get-together likely made their end-of-summer event one of the most sought-after invitations around Port Carling.

Andrew spotted Lana stealing a few moments alone on the south-facing deck of a sitting area. He handed her an espresso, which she hadn't asked for but deeply appreciated.

"Just got a message from Aryne Tavares," Andrew said. "She already RSVP'd for her and John, but it sounds like they have a few guests staying at their cottage. She wondered if we could accommodate some extra mouths to feed. What do you think?" Andrew maintained a straight face until he saw Lana trying not to smile, as she quickly guessed who one of the "extra mouths" might be.

"Drew, this is all yours," she replied, feigning innocence. "If your numbers say yes, then there's your answer."

"Aryne mentioned one of their guest's names is Matthew Knies. Ring any bells?" Andrew teased.

"You're such a donkey sometimes, Drew. Total jackass." Lana scoffed and bumped against him.

"I actually cannot wait to meet him. See the guy that's lifted all of that shit off your shoulders that our mother laid on you. Did you know he was up for the weekend?"

"He messaged me that he was staying with John and a few teammates for the weekend. Said he hoped that he could stop by for a bit."

“Well, once we’re all cleaned up here after the party, Jason and I are going on a little road trip, so your two weeks alone will be starting tomorrow. Although, the alone thing…maybe not so much anymore, eh?”

Lana chuckled and shrugged her shoulders.

“Sound carries like crazy up here but the glass doors are sound proof - I recommend keeping them closed if you and Matthew are - you know…”

“Jesus Andrew - will you stop?” Lana laughed.

“I forgot to mention - well done too….Jason and I were watching some press conferences… he sure looks like he’s got stamina. Built like a brick shithouse, as they say….”

“Fuck - I’m outta here…you’re too much…”

Lana stood up but stopped to wrap her arms around her brother. “I love you, Drew.”

“Love you to sis. I’m happy for you. Jason and I both are.”

—

Matthew spotted Lana first. Her naturally wavy hair flitted in the breeze with the ends brushing the small of her back. She absolutely took his breath away. She looked happy, relaxed, and incredibly beautiful as the light wind off the lake swept her hair to the side.

The man Lana was speaking to was no less beautiful, and Matthew had to get his bearings and calm his mind before he approached her. It was difficult not to react to the knot in his stomach given how close Lana seemed to be with the unknown man, who appeared athletic, tanned, and pretty much perfect.

Aryne, John, Joe Woll and Fraser Minten (otherwise knowns as Mints), signaled to Matthew that they were heading to get a drink and waved for him to join them. When Matthew indicated he’d be there in a minute, barely taking his eyes off Lana, Joe - in a flash - pieced it together of why his good friend had been so distant since he first started his search for a new place to live.

Joe watched from afar as Lana sensed a presence behind her. She turned around to see Matthew's face, and her own lit up, with bashful adoring smile. Lana approached Matthew and introduced him to the man she had been standing with.

"Matthew Knies—this is Jason Morin, my brother's partner. Jason, this is Matthew."

Jason shook Matthew's hand. "Great to meet you. I'm a really big fan of yours - and the team. Hoping for an amazing season ahead for you guys."

Matthew’s eyes widened once he realized he had misinterpreted the situation. “Oh - Jason - wow, awesome to meet you too. Yeah, it’s going to be an exciting season I think.”

The three chatted for a few minutes before Aryne, John, and the rest of their group made their way over to greet them. Hugs and handshakes and introductions were made and the group fell into mostly a comfortable exchange.

Eventually Lana ushered Aryne back into the grand main cottage - Aryne had her eye on some fixtures and dressings throughout the main room and Lana was glad to give her the details of the designer.

John and Fraser wanted to go explore the massive boathouse and the multi-dock/deck system, leaving Matthew and Joe with their Corona beers. They did a quick cheers and silently surveyed the southern view from the main deck at the back of the cottage.

Joe broke the silence but didn’t turn his head from the view. “Amazing spot.”

“Sure is.”

Joe smirked knowingly. He could tell Matthew was aware that Joe's keen "spidey senses" had picked up on something.

“Lana seems nice. Oh - right - she’s the one that helped you find your new place?”

Matthew fought against wanting to smile. “Yep.”

Joe bided his time and took another sip from his bottle. “Yep. Seems really nice.”

Matthew tried to fight it off but he broke in to a laugh. “Fuck dude - just ask what you want to ask or say what you want to say man - might as well get it over with.”

Joe teased his buddy. “You better work on not cracking under pressure like that - jeez, I was barely egging you on…”

Matthew rolled his eyes and scoffed. “So? What do you wanna know?”

Joe shrugged. “Anything you’re willing to divulge….”

“Well….. Lana and I are seeing each other.” Matthew exhaled deeply without even realizing he’d been holding his breath.

Joe’s eyes smiled for his friend. “Good for you, man - that’s great…”

Matthew nodded and looked around at the groups of party goers that had congregated near the bar. “She wants to keep it private - she’s worried that my family and friends are going to think she’s too old for me.”

“Ahhh - yeah, I get it.” Joe knew Matthew’s family would just want him to be happy but he certainly saw Lana’s point. “How old is she?”

“32. So just over 10 years difference.”

“Shit, that’s not bad at all. You’re 22 next month so yeah, ten years isn’t bad.”

"But… Jesus, Joe. Fuck, I couldn't help it. I swear, she took me out at the knees — first time I saw her, I was standing in her office behind John worrying I was about to pop an awkward boner."

Joe laughed, nearly choking on his gulp of beer.

"I couldn't have cared less about viewing the condos — I probably could've gotten everything decided in the first couple of hours, but I acted all indecisive for weeks, just to see her again. Man — she's just such an amazing person. She really is."

Aryne's voice behind Joe startled him and Matthew. "Is John still down at the boathouse?"

Matthew peered around a few groups of people and pointed John out to Aryne.

"Lana — I'll be back in a sec…," Aryne called over her shoulder as Lana approached Matthew and Joe.

“How are you guys doing? Do you need anything at all?” Lana said as she assessed the remaining beer in each of their bottles. She pointed out so additional food stations that had just been set up and rhymed off the varieties of cuisines, if they were hungry of course.

Joe smiled widely and chatted with Lana briefly before excusing himself, leaving Matthew and her alone together.

Barely moving his lips and pretending to look around, Matthew spoke under his breath to Lana how gorgeous she looked. Blushing, Lana did the same.

She paused for a moment and then asked if Joe knew about them. Matthew glanced downward and then apologetically looked into her eyes. Matthew explained that Joe had guessed - and that Joe was also exceptionally smart and seem to notice….well, everything.

Lana’s soft voice soothed Matthew’s mild panic, telling him it was ok that Joe knew. Her brother and Jason knew so it really was only fair.

Matthew had a sudden need to be alone with Lana and he leaned in towards her. “Think I could get a private tour of the inside?”

Lana’s eyes were directed towards a local power couple as she smiled and waved at them, but her mind was solely on Matthew. “Mmmm…I can give you a tour a little later - I have something else in mind. There’s a main staircase inside - follow it upstairs and I'll meet you up there in about 5 minutes, okay?”

Matthew chuckled and jokingly looked over his shoulder, then back to Lana. “Yes ma’am.”

__

Long after Matthew left with the Tavares’ Saturday evening, and once Andrew and Jason had departed on their scheduled road trip the following day, Loren was alone. She traipsed around from room to room absorbing the tranquility of the house, and the bright a breathtaking scenery outside. She always loved this time of year, and there was an odd satisfaction with taking time off when it felt most were venturing back to the work week and school grind after their summer breaks.

Lana changed into her typical work out attire, and headed down to the lake where her one-person scull awaited her on shore. Lana loved her solo rowing trips, especially on a day where the lake was as quiet as it was.

She rowed the lightweight boat along the shoreline at an impressive speed, concentrating on her tempo, proper posture and breathing. She was far off in her own world inside her mind, and barely glanced at the million dollar lake houses with their enormous floating docks and monster ski boats and jet-skis tied to each one.

After an hour-long trip around the lake, she approached her own dock and spotted a tall figure standing by the swim ladder. She stopped rowing to shield her eyes from the sun to get a better look— unintentionally rocking the boat and squealing a little when she realized it was Matthew.

As fast as she could, she hopped into the water and dragged the boat onto the sandy part of the shore, and ran up towards the gangplank where Matthew was climbing down to meet her.

Lana wrapped her arms around Matthew. “I am so happy you’re here but - I thought you had planned to go back to the city yesterday?” She was still puffing - partly from rowing but mostly from Matthew surprising her.

“Sorry - I hated being sneaky but yeah, I really wanted to surprise you. Worried me a little when I showed up and I couldn’t find you. I came out here and kept seeing a flash of something - it was the sun reflecting off your oars. You’re such a badass out there….”

They strolled up the path and chatted animatedly about the hours that passed when they were apart. They entered the main cottage through the large glass doors just off the kitchen.

Matthew was still in awe of Lana’s lake front setup and as they talked, he would meander off, poking his head in and out of rooms with a “not too shabby” expression on his face.

Lana beamed, looking at Matthew as he approached her, backing her up against the countertop by the kitchen sink. He slowly pressed his mouth onto hers and asked if he could interrupt her "quiet time" and stay for a few days. He would need to make his way back into the city at some point that week, but it was Joe who encouraged him to take the chance, come back to Lana's, and spend time with her before training camp got fully underway.

Lana wrapped her arms tightly around Matthew’s neck, her kiss full of need and desire for him. She was elated that he came back, otherwise, the thought had crossed her mind to leave the cottage, surprise him at his condo door - like they do in so many rom-coms - probably drenched from rain, too.

Every moment that followed, a sense of peace washed over Matthew and Lana, which neither had even known they needed. They simply wanted to be together. Whether they were exploring the beautiful towns nearby, sunning themselves on the dock (Matthew couldn't believe what a rocket Lana was in her bikini), or enjoying dinner for two on the boat as they cruised the lake — anything that allowed them to be near one another.

If their shared sense of peace was a surprise to them, their appetite for each other was not. At the party, after they stole away into Lana's bathroom for a few minutes (in reality it was more like 30), Lana channeled her newly discovered sexuality. Behind the locked door, Lana stripped down to her strapless bra and lace panties, and promptly palmed Matthew's cock through his pants. It wasn't much longer before Lana had her hand over her mouth, stifling her cries of bliss while Matthew kneeled in front of her, her one leg draped over his shoulder as he dined on her.

A "Car Ride" soon took on a completely different meaning after their road trips would extend past sunset. Lana was surprised to find a number of secluded spots to climb onto Matthew's cock and experience heaven — sometimes more than once.

For Matthew, picnics in bed had become a fast favorite. The amount of teasing that they unlocked with various edibles was positively sinful. If things got too sticky or messy, well then a joint shower, and everything that entails, would need to be had.

It was Lana's appetite for Matthew that brought her back to the city early, well before her two-week break had concluded. After Matthew had left their bubble to go back to Toronto to buckle down with training, Lana tried to push past the longing that had settled in deep for Matthew. She knew how to be alone—she had always been comfortable with her own company. But she missed him, plain and simple. As Matthew drove home after a morning skate, he scrambled to press "read" on his dashboard after a text from Lana appeared.

"Good morning, Matty. Would you be around for dinner tonight, or sometime soon? Just arrived home. Was missing someone terribly."

Matthew called Lana immediately.

"You're back?! God—that's really—wow… really good news. I was missing someone pretty badly too." Matthew heard Lana giggle and he felt his heart could burst with happiness.

"So, I was wondering if I could take the someone I was missing terribly out on a date tonight? That is, if he's available?" Lana asked hopefully.

Matthew was positively moony. "Does he have to wait that long—or can you maybe fit him in before tonight? Like, maybe now, if not sooner?"

Lana's smile could be heard in her voice. "I can. I'll meet you at yours in the next half-second."

Matthew's cock twitched at Lana's suggestive tone, and he let out a little groan. "See you soon then."

The afternoon was mostly spent horizontal—limbs intertwined and lips connected to each other in every way possible.

They slowly peeled themselves off each other, enjoyed a long and lazy shower, and got ready for their date. Matthew peppered her with questions as to where they were going, and Lana simply answered, "To dinner… and then I guess we'll see after that."

The only other hint she gave Matthew was that she was taking him to her favorite restaurant.

From a window seat atop the ManuLife Centre, 51 floors up, Lana gazed out at one of the most stunning sunsets she'd ever seen—a breathtaking display of reds, oranges, and purples. It felt as if the universe itself was sharing a knowing wink with her. She had gotten her wish - and what a redemption this was from the last time she sat in this restaurant.

The only thing that surpassed the outside view was the man she sat across from. His magnetic charm, disarming looks, with a genuinely kind heart.

Matthew Knies had been well worth the wait.

[just-jordie-things]

omg you’re back?! and you’re doing prompts?! this feels like christmas!!

can you do 28 with inumaki?? but also maybe if you’re listening to something nice 25, i’d like to know what song inspires the drabble (:

25: Kiss Inspired By A Song (stargirl interlude - lana del rey) 28: First Kiss ___

you don’t know why you think to ask such a personal question, especially to someone who can’t express his answer very easily- not that it’s his fault- but the thought creeps in your mind like a parasite and you just know it won’t go away until you have his answer.

“have you ever kissed anyone?”

at first toge thinks you’re only asking this question to distract him, because his focus shifts away from crossing the finish line on rainbow road, his thumb stilling on the joystick of the pink remote and his eyes are on yours.  simultaneously, you’re passing his character and claiming first place for yourself, a victorious smile on your face, until you see his perplexed gaze.

in your brief silence, you catch the change in song on your shared playlist.  you can’t help but nod your head along as your current favorite melody begins.

he’s raising a brow at you, the slight frown on his face making you realize your suspicious timing.

“that wasn’t on purpose!” 

you try to explain yourself, but toge’s not sure he believes you.  you had to have known such a sudden and personal question was going to throw him off his game.  you and toge certainly spent a lot of time together, often playing mariokart or smash bros, but even outside of your free time you were a duo.  he was your favorite person to train with- maki was too rough and that made her a better match for panda, and yuuta barely even went to this school anymore- and you seemed quite comfortable with his odd way of communicating.

still, as close of friends as you were, you’d never really talked about these sorts of things with one another.

“okay, i’m sorry,” you apologize when his gaze remains unrelentingly upset.  “i wasn’t trying to distract you.  i just got curious” 

the first question on his mind is the obvious, why? what had gone on in your head to make you wonder such a thing? did you assume he had? but his thoughts derail quick as a more pressing question pops up.

have you ever kissed anyone?

you’d never really talked about any romantic interests before- neither of you had, hence his initial surprise with your question- so toge wasn’t sure he could safely assume you had kissed anyone.  that said, you were a pretty girl with a warm personality, if you wanted a kiss from someone, he was certain you would have gotten it by now.  

and now he wondered what kind of person you would look for to be potentially kissed by.

surely he’s blushing in front of you now with how off track his thought process had become, and he wishes he’d worn his uniform instead of the tee shirt and sweats he sported because at least then he’d have a collar to hide behind.

“so… have you?” you ask, impatient to know the answer, and you sound like it too.

you have toge absolutely bewildered by your anticipation for his response.  what impression had he made to make you think he could have kissed anyone? it was sort of hard to get to that step when you couldn’t even talk, after all.

“bonito flakes”

his voice is quiet as he shakes his head for good measure.

“really?” you ask in surprise.

his brows are furrowed as he tilts his head you, silently asking what you’re trying to imply, before his cryptic words question you.

“mustard leaf?”

“i dunno,” you shrug, setting your controller down now that your game had finished.  “i guess i just wondered.  you’ve never talked about it before” 

toge laughs, and it comes out more like a scoff.  you understand him somehow.  he’s amused that you thought about such a thing.  but then he’s smiling at you, quirking an eyebrow as he seems to shoot the question back at you.

“what?” you feign misunderstanding, even though you both know perfectly well that you know exactly what he’s asking.

it’s obvious in the way your cheeks turn pink and you pick up your controller again so your fingers can fiddle with it.  despite being sat on opposite ends of the bed- with toge leaning against the headboard and you at the foot of the mattress- his bed suddenly feels small.  the whole room suddenly feels small.

you’re anxious, you both realize.  although toge finds more interest in it than you do.

“mustard leaf?” he questions you and you curse yourself for getting to know him so well that you understand he’s repeating your question back to you with those two words.

when you turn to look away toge scrambles to straighten his posture, suddenly very invested in your answer.  he’s grinning excitedly, his eyes wide with amusement.

“salmon cod roe!” he demands through bubbling laughter, and despite your embarrassment, you give in, because he’s just so adorably curious, and he’s your friend, right? he wouldn’t judge you, would he?”

“no!” you cry out, covering your face as you fall back onto the bed.  

you kick your feet in the air in childish frustration.  your face is burning from the admission, but you suppose you brought it on yourself, seeing as you asked him first.

toge’s laughter is silenced as he watches you throw your arms to your sides and let out a huff.  he gives you a comforting smile.

“salmon” he tries to communicate to you that it’s okay, that he doesn’t judge you, but you frown back at him.

“don’t you think it’s a little embarrassing?” you ask, your eyes staying on him to gauge his honest reaction.  “or down right humiliating?” you mutter bitterly.

“bonito flakes” he mutters back in mock offense, but you seem to ignore him.

“it’s not like i haven’t tried,” you say to the ceiling, and it leaves a bitter feeling in toge’s chest.  “but the options aren’t exactly… numerous,” you mumble the last part.  “i think if i asked, maki would kiss me,” you think aloud, before turning your head to look at toge again.  “but i’m too scared to ask,” you whisper, as if she could hear you from her dorm across the hall.

toge chuckles at your wide eyes, and smiles at you again.  your worry about something so silly was funny to him.  you’d clearly had this on your mind for a while to consider kissing one of your friends- the scariest one of your friends, too.

he reaches behind him to grab the little whiteboard on his night stand, uncapping the magnetic dry erase marker so he could scribble on it.

why maki?

you shrug back after reading it, folding your hands over your stomach.

“figured she’d kill me if i asked yuuta.  figured you’d say no” you reply.

he blinks back at you, but you’re turning to look at the ceiling again, humming along as your song comes to an end, so you don’t see the way your answer stuns him.

of course he wouldn’t say no! is his initial thought, but the way it crosses his mind so loud and certain has his heart stuttering in his chest.  did he want to kiss you? he’d never really thought about it before, he’d never really thought of it as an option.  your friendship meant a lot to him, more than he could express, whiteboard or not, he couldn’t do anything to jeopardize it.  but of course if you asked him, he’d say yes.  he’s certain of it.

in the name of being a good friend, of course…

“mustard leaf?”

you hum curiously back at him, tilting your face his way again to watch as he scrawled across the board again.  the marker squeaks softly as he tries to write as quickly as he can while still keeping his handwriting legible.

when he lifts the board for you to read, your eyes follow each letter slowly, carefully.

why do you think i’d say no?

the insinuation behind the question has you opening and closing your mouth a few times, struggling to find the words.  you’re beginning to fluster, and toge can see it in the way your fingers tangle and untangle themselves where they rest over your stomach.

“i- i don’t know,” you stammer, your eyes landing on his only briefly before you grow too shy to hold his stare.  “figured you’d think it was a dumb thing to worry about,” you say, and there’s some truth to your words.

the rest of the truth would have been admitting that kissing toge had been on your mind for some time now.  a long time.

“but i just- i just want to get it out of the way, you know?” you sigh, your eyes falling shut.  “that way, in the future, when there’s someone i- i really want to kiss…” you grow quiet as you realize you’re really only embarrassing yourself further.  you sigh again.  “i just don’t want to be humiliated by kissing someone badly” 

it’s quiet for a minute, long enough that you peek over at toge, just to make sure he was still there.  he nods at you in understanding.  maybe he didn’t share this anxiety, he didn’t feel any sort of rush to get his first kiss out of the way, but kissing someone wasn’t exactly on his realistic bucket list.

your song ends, and soon the familiar echoed strumming of guitar makes it’s way to your ears with delight by you- another one of your favorites.  lana del rey’s angelic voice follows shortly after.

he holds your stare for a moment before deciding to take a leap of faith, and then he’s writing on his board again.  you keep your focus on him this time, watching the way he bites his lip as he writes, and how he re-reads his words a few times before he finally presents the board to you again.

if you want to ask, i’ll say yes.

as soon as you finish reading it, your eyes shoot back up to his, quickly trying to make sure he wasn’t joking, that he wasn’t going to burst out into laughter and tease you for jumping on the first offer of a kiss you could get.

when you find that he’s smiling at you, so kindly you could just melt, you sit up right away.

“really?” you mumble out, just to be sure he’s not pulling your leg.

toge wipes the board clean before scribbling on it again.  you move quickly to peek over at it while he doodles two stick figures with their faces pressed together and a big MUAH written above them.  you giggle at the cute drawing, and he beams at you.

he caps the marker and sticks the magnet to the board before setting it aside, giving you his full attention.

you’re right across from him now, and you move your legs to get more comfortable, sitting criss cross.  the exhale you let out is a little shaky, but you give him a hopeful look.

“promise not to tell anyone if it’s bad?” you ask him quietly.

toge wants to laugh, because there’s not a chance that your plump looking lips could ever bestow a bad kiss, but he doesn’t.  he wants you to feel perfectly comfortable.

“salmon” he says with an affirmative nod.

you nod back, eyes flickering between his apprehensively, before falling to his lips.

you’d looked at toge’s mouth many times before.  it was easy to get distracted by the markings, sure, but they were a good cover for you to let your mind wander to curiosities you had- such as if his soft lips felt as soft as they looked.

“tuna” he tells you, raising his hand to cover your eyes.  you chuckle nervously, but follow the command and let your eyes fall shut.

toge can’t help but admire you for just a moment.  he feels an excitement bubble up in his chest at the prospect of kissing you.  his heart was suddenly beating very fast, and he had to bite back a smile as his eyes wandered your pretty face.

what kind of good deed did he do in a past life to earn such luck in getting to kiss someone so perfect? 

maybe he was a little too ready to kiss you.

his fingers touched the underside of your jawline delicately.  the action was so new and intimate he nervously watched your calm expression, praying you wouldn’t flinch.  you didn’t.  the corner of your lips tilted into the smallest of smiles, and as he slid the rest of his hand against the rest of your jaw, you tilted your chin up, bringing your face just the slightest bit more towards his.

he followed the movement, his nose brushing against yours carefully, and he found his own eyes falling shut on their own accord, a soft sigh escaping his lips as a wave of exhilaration washes over him.

when you don’t instantly feel his lips on yours, you prod your nose against his in a small, gentle movement.  he smirks at the action, intrigued by your impatience, and he wonders if you’d meant to do it or if your anticipation was getting the better of you.

but he doesn’t spend any more time stalling, and leans in the rest of the way to connect your lips.

you’re a little slow to react, stunned by the new sensation.  but it only takes a few seconds of getting used to the feeling of having someone else’s mouth on yours for you to fall into it, naturally, and you kiss him as if you’d kissed him a thousand times before.

he feels your hands tremble as you rest them against his arms, the pads of your fingers barely pressing into his skin.  your lips move over his curiously, enjoying the velvety sensation of his soft mouth.  it was even softer than you could have imagined, you thought in a cloudy daze.

the gentle but alluring beat of the song seems to synchronize with the fast paced beating of your heart, and the distant cooing of lana’s harmonizing has you feeling all the more six feet off the ground.

but i love it, i love it, starboy… 

when you do part, it takes a moment for your eyes to flutter open.  your mouth is still parted, and you find yourself fixing your gaze on toge’s lips, as though amazed by them, before your eyes peer up at his.  an amused smile stretches over your face, your eyes positively twinkling at him.

he knows he should probably move back a little further, you’re still inches apart and his hand is still on your face, but toge stays put, just to bask in the warm feeling for a little longer.

you’re not rushing to move away, either.

“is it always gonna feel like that?” you whisper, your dazzling smile demanding all of his attention.

he could tell you that sure, it could if you wanted to.  but he decides that you don’t need to go finding that out for yourself, that if you want it to always feel like that, then you’ll just have to stick to kissing him whenever it is you so please.

so with a cocky smile and bright eyes, he shakes his head at you.  and when he pulls you in for another kiss, your eyes flutter shut and you meet him halfway with a newfound eagerness for kissing your best friend. ___

a/n: i adore this song and just thought it'd be the best to makeout to yaknow? hope you enjoyed <3

xoxo ~ jordie

[loveahvi]

"Brooklyn Baby" || CS55

A𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡: 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑜𝑠 𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑧 𝑥 𝑏𝑖𝑘𝑒𝑟 𝑔𝑓 , 𝑛𝑜 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑟 𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑑, 𝑥 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟, 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑡

W𝑜𝑟𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡: 𝑠𝑖𝑥 ℎ𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑖𝑥𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑛

You hadn't wanted to get into a relationship after your last relationship, much less with a man like Carlos Sainz. He was everything you didn't want. Famous, cocky and annoyingly smart, everything you had promised not to want. But when your friend asked you to help out at the track on your day off from your boring nine-to-five, doing something you hated, you figured why not. What he failed to mention was that you would be racing against an accomplished formula one driver. It eventually led to you handing the spanish driver his arse. Which made him intrigued in you for some goddamn reason. You hated to admit it, but you had unwillingly fallen in love with him somewhere around the 2nd month of your relationship. You had hidden it away from the media the best you could.

It wasn't that hard to do. You were practically a nobody in the racing world. At least you had been since your devastating pull out of Moto3 Junior after sponsorship deals fell through, and your funding had run dry. Now, it was just something you did on the weekends, and he was racing cars every weekend in different countries. So, hiding it from the public had been easy enough until he let it accidentally slip out during a live interview. The media had already gone crazy trying to figure it out. That was until Twitter found he followed you on instagram. Speculation had started, and immediately, the content you made regarding your love for motorcycles were over run by comments about him. 

As ritual, being on a three week break, he was back in Spain at the track you rode almost weekly. He wanted to finally make your relationship public after 5 months together and thought the idea of doing it how it all started was romantic. You had realized over the 6 months you had known the young spaniard that he was the romantic type. You tried your best to fulfill that need for him, but you weren't the romance type. Hell, you had never been the relationship type, yet your relationship with Carlos had somehow lasted longer than any others from your past. 

You were suiting up your riding jacket when he and the producer of the video walked in and asked if you were ready to start racing. You smiled, putting on your helmet. Once on the track, you had shown him his arse yet again, and afterward, "for the video," he asked you to explain your racing lines and through process. You had done so while he stood close, examining the map of the track as you spoke, over your shoulder. 

Once explained, you both hopped on the bikes yet again for another round of practice, qualifying, and a race rematch. He had done better and challenged you more than before. But none the less, you still won by an impressive gap.

While everyone packed up for the day, you sat on your motorbike listening to your liked songs on spotify. A song you knew from Lana Del Rey started and it gave you an Idea. You called Carlos over and explained your idea to him. 

You then opened Tiktok and found the sound before opening the camera. Carlos put his black fireproofed arm around your shoulders as you pressed play. You recorded until the sound was over, showing you in your helmet and your eyes, as you winked. There was nothing but Carlos seen but his arm.  You showed it to him, and he smiled as he watched. 

The lyrics were catchy, and you thought fitting for your relationship because, yes, Carlos may have been cool, but not as cool as you. 

𝑎/𝑛: 𝐼 𝑠𝑎𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑝𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑜𝑠 𝑜𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑝𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑡 ℎ𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑢𝑙𝑡, 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑚𝑦 𝑡𝑢𝑚𝑏𝑙𝑟 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑗𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑒𝑦!! 𝐼'𝑑 𝑎𝑙𝑠𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑔𝑢𝑦𝑠 𝑠𝑒𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑠, 𝑎𝑠 𝐼'𝑑 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢♡

[wayfayrr]

Don't worry I understand that you needed a break so don't worry I gotcha!

Disclaimer this can be different from the original as I haven't met him or there wasn't much information about him to find!

Slowly I see my red threads from my stories XD. Sry, I got distracted here is the Hero of Souls as Reader, obviously. Thanks to @zelda-the-sacred-realm for giving crazy ideas.

Their title is Hero of Souls, which is practically the Hero of Warriors in their world.

They are a Brave Spirit. Their nickname is "Souls".

They can summon souls to their aid and fight with them. They also can raise the morals of the troops. They see impure hearts of traitors and are a walking lie-detector.

They have girlfriends, which surprisingly are Cia and Lana. Yes, they managed that somehow.

They get flustered very easily but are also a very duty-bound person.

You can say the cheesiest pick up line and they EXPLODE red. As Cia kissed them the first time they got knocked out cold out of embarrassment.

They can't flirt to save their life! But their are the best and most considerate partner someone can wish for.

They are a serious person but have the friendliest smile.

They love to read and love strategy books the most.

Their favourite is lemon cheesecake.

They died at the age of 24. They saved a knight only to be stabbed in the back by him, literally.

But not only Cia and Lana got revenge but them too.

As a Spirit they fulfilled their last order, eliminate every traitor of the knights. And they did, every single one of them was killed by their sword, Cia's rod or Lana's book.

They respected Child!Time and Wind with utmost respect as they were children and fought in war with them. Meeting Time again was a surprise for them, especially the adult version of him. But they still show him the same amount of respect then before.

They are so polite you would think, they are from the royal family!

Warriors would be so confused. They may look like him and went through the same shit as him, but they act SO differently!! They even got together with Lana AND Cia, just what the hell!? But Cia shows her genuine love for them, same with Lana and that's what matters. No woman goes near them, good choice.

The Chain doesn't care.

Legend will say on multiple occasions and every time when Warriors is near, that he likes Reader more and they are the better Wars.

But they are very modest and keep insisting that even they have flaws. The Chain doesn't want to hear it.

Their flaw is that they are a trouble magnet. They went on a barren field with nothing and turned it into a warzone against monsters.

They are able to tell the two Cias apart. (Their's and Warriors' Cia)

They tell the Chain about Corruption and what it does to a spirit.

They also got the task to give the fallen soldiers peace.

Their Song is "Zelda Rap" from None like Joshua ft. FabvL, GoblinsFromMars, Starby.

How they met.

Legend's PoV:

We walked around Warriors' Hyrule. We travelled around the once battlefield and saw monsters coming our way. We prepared ourselves for a fight but we heard someone behind us.

„Soldiers, Rise and Fight with me!“ We looked back and saw an army of soldiers but they glowed bluish. We saw a person dressed like Warriors with the same shitty scarf. They raised their sword and pointed towards the monsters and it's blades glowed blue like the soldiers. „Attack and let's defend our home and it's people!“

The soldiers ran past and through us! Their captain stepped towards us and smiled friendly at us before looking straight to their men.

„Don't let the monsters break through! Our families and friends count on us to protect them!!“ They shined more brightly before stepping towards us and nodded their head.

„Please go and hide, now it's our turn to defend our home. You just step back and let us knights handle it.“ they sounded calm before marching into the battlefield and participating in the fight. They seem very experienced in battling and swordfight. They barked orders at their men and fought themself against monsters. We wanted to help but Time shook his head and looked at the knights who fought in our stead. After the battle the men stood in front of their captain in a row and I now understood why Time didn't want us to participate, none of the soldiers had seeable eyes only their captain who walked up and down and talked to their army with their hands behind their back.

„Today we may not have killed Ganondorf, but we fought back his armies which try to take over Hyrule! We did a good job today, my men. We should be proud being able to protect our loved ones from any harm. I'm glad being your captain!“ They stopped and looked at their army with their hand on their forehead for a salute and the men followed. We heard the army talk for the first time, except for their warcries.

„Thank you, Captain!“ They looked all so stiff and their Captain talked again.

„You are dismissed!“ they gave their hand down to end the salute and the army followed suit.

„Yes, Captain!“ and with that they disappeared into thin air and the captain turned around and smiled in a polite manner.

„Please be careful. I didn't die, so that others throw their lifes away.“ we jumped away a bit as they said that they died.

„How did you die?“ asked Warriors and they looked solemn to us.

„Got stabbed in the back, literally. Traitors are some pieces of work. And sorry that I startled you, it's probably the first time encountering a spirit with the ability to fight.“ They bowed down and Time began to talk.

„Why did you stop us from fighting? We are very capable if defending ourselves.“

„Good sir, I don't question your ability to defend yourselves, but the fact is that you are mortals and can die. I, a spirit, can not. I had to step down as a captain and knight after my death, but that doesn't mean that I don't try to defend my home. My era is over but I already met the new hero and I'm sure he is capable of protecting our home like I did.“ our all attention was directed towards them.

„What's the name of the hero and your's. Maybe I know you.“ asked Warriors and the questioned person slightly bowed down with their left hand onto their chest.

„You may call me "Souls" that's what the new hero called me and the new Hero hasn't a title yet as he still is traveling to save it, so he mostly is called "Link".“

„Great a hero without a title!“ I blurted out.

„But we could help him on his journey.“ said the Old Man.

„Link, is in good hand and doesn't need any extra help. He has the Legendary Spirits by his side and he knows that he always can summon me if he needs extra help.“

„Legendary Spirits?“

„Yes, of course. The Legendary Spirit of Worlds, of Time, of Wind, of Twilight, of Wild and the Legendary Spirit of Sky. My predecessors are good people even if Time isn't showing it.“

„Wait wait wait wait! Your predecessors!? Who the hell are you!?“ I called out to him and they giggled as they bowed down again the same as before.

„Sorry, I should've introduced me properly. I'm Reader and I'm the Hero of Souls and the Brave Spirit of Souls. I died a long time ago.“

„What happened to the asshole which killed you?“ said Wind and they widen their eyes as they heard his voice even widened even more upon seeing him.

„The Hero of Wind! Long time no see! How is Tetra and your crew?“ they kneeled down and Wind dashed towards them even if he didn't know who this person was.

„They are doing great! And we had so many adventures!“

„That's great to hear, maybe you can tell me someday what happened but right now my time is up.“ They dissolved before us into air but they still ruffled Wind's hair.

„I'm proud of the hero you've become, Hero of Wind.“ with that they were gone.

We all looked at each other, confused. How do they know Wind and why did they dissolve!? We didn't know, they were a spirit on bought time.

And that's how they met. They learned bit by bit, that Reader is from another world and practically Warriors. But they weren't fine with the fact that Reader has not one but two girlfriends! Yandere Chain wasn't happy at all. But they felt satisfied by hearing that Cia put their killer to hell and back and still does to this date. But Yandere Warriors will have the time of his life. Reader gets flustered very easily and even Cia is abusing this fact. So he gets them red all the time when Reader is visible. Wild asks about their favourite and it's recipe. Just to make it when they are participating their dinner. Legend loves to see them read somewhere in peace. It has a calming effect on him to see Reader leaning or sitting somewhere and read about strategies. He even kisses their cheek sometimes so they lose focus and turn bright red. After that he sits beside them and reads with them. He even tells stories about his Hyrule and time. Wind is very clingy about them. They teach him things that he needs to know as an adult and are useful in fights. But they always tell him how proud they are and act like a older sibling seeing his younger brother following their footsteps. Four tries to look at their sword and maintain it but it fells through his hand, but they gladly tell him all about it. But he becames overprotective after hearing about that they can corrupted, because that means Dink can take them away from the group, from Him! Yandere Time kinda basks in their trust and attention he gets from them. Souls respected Time as a child already but as an adult they see him as a superior and follow orders when given. Twilight is near them to protect and save them when Dink tries something. But he uses his accent to get them to blush fairly often. Well, they blush every time when he calls them "Darlin'" that's the whole time. Sky and Hyrule on the other hand love that Reader like to spend time with them. Reader is a calm person and likes to read in peace when free, which isn't often but Sky and Hyrule give them the feeling that they can just put their captain's cap down and be themself. But they listen more to problems then to tell their own and as someone who is in a relationship, they get asked about all sorts of things. Wind asks about how he should get Tetra to like him back, while the others ask about how they get the person they love to notice them. But they are impressed by Reader's resolution for protecting their home, even if they get corrupted in the process and how well they are able to ride a horse even as a ghost.

THE MENACE IS OUT

@trippygalaxy come over 'ere

Also I can really see wars feeling really protective over souls!reader like really, seeing as its also reflects on him how they died. that could have been him. which is going to shake him to his very core.

also the fact that they're a spirit? going to really mess with the yan chain because reader could really leave them at any time. really everything about this reader clashes with a yan chain. they HAVE partners, they aren't bound to the chain, they are already DEAD. it's going to be hell keeping them at their side.

I wonder if the chain could find a way to tie their spirit into a vessel, or someway to prevent the corruption? it might be something that they have to look into so that they don't loose themselves (and if it gives them a way to keep their lover closer then who'll say no?)

Cia and lana are the biggest obstacles for certain though. there's got to be some way to get rid of them right? right??

the way that they expect to know wind and well mask/time too it's heartbreaking seeing as they're from a different timeline and simply can't remember ;-; (I know they can in this drabble but it'd hurt even more if they couldn't)

[sullustangin]

Fluffy February Day 12 -- Argument

SWTOR

Time: 32 ATC//shortly after Fluffy February Day 1

Pairing: Theron Shan/Smuggler, but this is more of a family fluff piece.

~~

“That is your worst argument yet for not telling them yet.”  Lana Beniko aimed her criticism at herself, in the dim reflection of her shuttle’s viewport. 

“Of course Satele Shan will tell them when she meets the baby!” was the latest stupid idea Lana had about trying to break the news about Dyominia, the last addition to Theron and Eva’s family.  Now they were in transit to Satele’s last known residence….

And Lana was trying to beat them there in a bloody MK-II shuttle that might fall apart, trying to do the silly feat of catching up to Virtue’s Thief. 

Because –

Because she’d dawdled about telling Eva that her child was a freak.  Because she’d tried to spare Theron the idea that he could have been a Jedi, but the genes just didn’t express themselves.

Because little Argo was just like his father and mother, and his baby sister was absolutely not.

And he’d wanted to be like Lana when he grew up.  And she knew he never would be.

…Lana had felt that child’s power when she was just a few hours old, swaddled in Lana’s arms while her mother finally caught a break to get a shower.  And now Dyo was eight weeks old, and much like Argo, Eva insisted the girl needed to get on the hyperlanes or else she’d be a terrestrial forever. 

Eva had been the one who wanted a hospital birth, but once her children had passed all the relevant tests and gotten their vaccinations, she was keen to set them loose on the galaxy.  An itinerant childhood hadn’t done her any harm and had left her with an open mind.

Nor had it been a bad thing for Theron.  Up until the end, his childhood had been a grand adventure in helping the galaxy in small ways.  It gave him unique perspective – a unique sense of compassion, even for criminals and Imperials.

Which is why the three of them were the closest of friends…

And Lana was now wearing a groove in the floor of the MK-II shuttle as it rattled.  She’d maxed out everything now, even curtailing life support and interior lighting to try to get that extra bit of power, trying to catch up to the Thief. 

A blip on the sensors, and Lana nearly crashed into the dashboard, setting commands for it to keep pace with her tracking target.  She immediately opened comms.  “Lana to Virtue’s Thief, please come in.”

There was a brief crackle as Eva picked up the line from somewhere on the ship.  “Hi, Lana.  Everything ok?”

Then Lana realized how bad it must have looked for her to be here and tearing her shuttle to pieces in the process –

“Um, we might want to have the conversation on the Thief.  Out of hyperspace.  Sensors are saying Lana’s ship isn’t doing so hot.” Theron sounded both worried and utterly confounded at the same time.  “What are you doing here?”

“Is Odessen still in one piece?” Eva asked. 

“Yes, this is  -- well, I’ve made it a personal thing,” Lana admitted.

“Lana, we’ve talked about internalizing things,” Eva lectured her.  “There are better ways of saying ‘I love you’ than going on a suicide mission.”  There was then a very loud AHEM as fabric shifted over the comm – Theron had moved past Eva and down the hallway. 

“Preparing for boarding,” Theron called back to his wife.

“Dropping out of hyperspace.  That’s gonna wake the kids.

Lana suddenly had a vivid memory of her parents teasing her, at the supper table, about how when she was small and they drove the speeder around their city block on Dromund Kaas until they ran out of fuel or she fell asleep. 

She let her eyes close as she smiled, and by touch, she pressed the button that permitted the Captain of Virtue’s Thief to initialize docking procedures.

~~

Eva greeted Lana with her arms crossed as the Sith came through the door.  A tiny figure with a blanket over his shoulders seemed to be more asleep than awake, leaning against Eva’s leg. 

Then “AUNT LANA!” came the joyous recognition, and the four-year-old launched himself right at her.    

Lana easily caught him.  “You should be asleep.”

“I woke up when the ship stopped.  Not ‘sposed to happen.”  Argo turned to his mother, and Eva gave him a nod.  Argo then returned his attention to Lana.  “Why are you here?”

Lana opened her mouth to answer, but Theron stepped through the door quietly.  He had the same question, but there was a world of difference between the curiosity of a child and the scrutiny of a former SIS agent and now the spymaster of Odessen. 

Lana briefly and mentally gave herself a pep talk about why this was the right thing.  “Before … Satele told you… I wanted to.”

Theron tilted his head, his face a crafted blank but his eyes already heading toward that intense gold.  “About what?”

Eva had always been sharp.  “This a Force thing?  Sensing something in the galaxy?  Something change since we launched?”

Lana shook her head.  “No, I’ve been a coward.  Procrastinated.  Let my feelings get in the way.” 

Theron and Eva then exchanged a look, and then Lana almost wilted under the intensity from both Technoplague and the Voidhound. 

But Lana wasn’t weak now.  “Dyo is very special.” 

The parents froze, as they realized –

“I know!” Argo cheerily replied to Aunt Lana.  “She’s always been special and she gets more special every day!” 

Lana let her teeth catch on her bottom lip for a moment.  “Argo, I believe she can do things that most people in the galaxy can’t.”

“I know!” he insisted.  “She’s doing them right now.  She woke up when the ship stopped too.” Tucking his blanket into his nightshirt collar, Argo scampered down the hallway, makeshift cape flapping behind him.

Theron, Eva, and Lana followed, in that order, around the curved hall of the ship to the crew quarters, which had been converted into a rather large nursery for both children. 

And what they saw made Lana’s breath stop, for a moment, and her eyes didn’t go to the baby in her cradle.

They went to the toys and nightlights that spun slowly around the nursery, held aloft and high in the air. 

Lana heard Dyo giggle.  The first smile had come right before they’d left Odessen.  This… was a giant extension of that. 

Theron’s hand went over his heart, and Eva immediately grabbed his other hand.  “Steady on.” 

He nodded, but Lana could see the myriad of emotions parading across his face. 

Eva gently took Argo's hand into hers. “And she does this every night?”

“Yup!”

Eva paused, eyes going back to the mobile above their heads.  “She does it when she’s happy?”

Argo considered the question for a moment, then nodded.  “They drop if she cries.”

“I’ve been wondering why this place turned into a minefield after lights out,” Theron joked, weakly. 

Lana finally pushed her opinion on the situation out there.  “I have absolute faith you can handle it –”

“Oh, we’ll handle it,” Theron said.  “I just don’t how much of the galaxy will be left standing, between her and her brother, who’s known the whole time…?” He dangled the question and a look down at his son.

“Yup, whole time!” 

“Of course he did.  He isn’t a narc.”

“Eva.”

“What?”

Oh, this was going to be interesting.

And Lana wasn’t going to miss a second of it.   

~~

@fluffyfebruary

[because-she-goes]

warm

warnings: drinking, fashion references, swearing, yeehaw! matty’s hands, a sprinkle of doom and almost no dialogue. Enjoy!

Matty’s rugged hand reached out to Thea as she took a final, long sip of her admittedly quite shitty gin and tonic. They had gone out to a different bar that evening, Matty grumbling about how he could just make her drinks at home and they'd be worlds better than whatever the young trainee bartender could whip up. She giggled at this and pleaded with him to get dressed and put on his nicest pair of boots - preferably ones without mud stains. He agreed to go under one condition, that he pick her outfit for this particular outing.

The outing in question? A line dancing night with a live band and $5 drinks. To be honest, nothing sounded better to Thea than cheap alcohol and loud music and Matty’s large hands on her hips after the week she’s had at work. Khaite had pulled out of a spread about how higher end, quite luxurious designers were now entering the denim game. This left Thea scrambling as she had to track down new jeans to feature in her piece and ones that would especially photograph well. Her and her team had ended up landing on Bottega Venetta’s denim printed leather pants and how seemingly from a distance, they are jeans up until you are able to touch and feel them. The likes of Kate Moss and Kendall Jenner had been seen wearing them. It was a wonderful innovation and far more worthy of the magazine space than the regular khaite jeans. A trick on the eyes, like Matty.

When they had met, Thea assumed Matty would be your typical Texan cowboy who was stiff and tight lipped and totally disinterested in anything that went against the usual machismo that came with that title. As the weeks progressed, she had learned that Matty was very interested in her job and what she did for a living and her world, additionally he was a phenomenal dancer and a breathtaking guitar player. After work sometimes, he would play her a lullaby on his acoustic or they’d dance around half-drunk in her kitchen to everything from Buddy Holly to Bruce Springsteen.

He was an enigma, just as she was.

Since knowing each other, Thea had become fond of Matty’s little surprises. Always keeping her guessing. He was a hidden gem, a diamond in the rough. Externally, he was the typical Texan guy… imagine Ennis from Brokeback Mountain, completely disinterested in dealing with his own emotions and confronting them. However, the few times Thea had caught Matty singing softly late at night while strumming away it was like she had an MRI of his heart, able to see every nook and cranny of him, every last thing he held dear. He was unexpectedly tender.

Even now as he held her while they danced to the sounds of bluegrass, the fabric of her soft, feminine, embroidered pink dress crinkled under his calloused hands. It was frilly, it was delicate, it was vintage Valentino - all things Thea loved. It swung around just above her knees as Matty swayed and moved behind her. It was his favorite dress of hers, that was another thing Thea had learned… Matty loved vintage shopping and finding clothes that seemed from another time. He loved an old beat up pair of Levis that fit him perfectly and he especially found joy in finding flannel shirts from the 80s. They had made a deal to pick out the other’s outfit and Thea had really done some of her finest work. A perfectly worn white tee shirt, dark navy straight leg Levis 501s, a silver and brown chunky western belt and a beautiful gray Prada sweater. Perfectly Matty. Her cowboy.

It was as she took in her surroundings and fully drank in the moment that she felt his warm breath hit the shell of her ear. It ghosted over her skin, the smell of his Tom Ford cologne filling the air around the two, she immediately felt heady and warm. Drunk on the feeling of him and no longer on the shitty fucking drink. Her feet stumbled a bit as they continued trying to keep up with the group line dancing around them. Music drowning out his voice and yet she still heard him clear as a bell…

“Be my baby… Thea, be mine.”

“Happily, my love.” Fuck it, into her doom she went - head full of dreams and optimism. Head full of him. What a fool.

[mrhowells]

Smallville 5x04

LOISSS MY WIFE IS BACK!!!!

Shut up Clark no one was hoping she'd stay in Europe longer, you just can't deal with her greatness

"Actually, I just ran into Mrs. Kent at the Talon and right out of nowhere, she asked if I'd like to move back into the farm😇". "Yeah right." "...😇" "...Really?"

AHJKHSJS PLS THE FACE JOURNEY

Lois: 1 - Clark: 0

See that's why we need Lois, it immediately turns into a comedy and Clark gets more personality.

LOIS BIKINIJFKSFJAKJK

BRO. HOLD ON. Was the AC actor on b99 as young Scully?? PLS that would be so funny.

the prettiest girl I've ever seeeen🎶 from the cover of a magazineeee🎶

like????????

she's still insulting the guy who saved her I LOVE HER SO MUCH THAT'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE OKAY

and the Lana/Lois scraps I liveeee (but also, why didn't we get more, where is the humanity?)

"He can swim faster than I can." HEHEHEHEEHEE😈

Professor Milton Fine? I don't think so

He really just compared Lex to Hitler, BRO💀💀

Same Clark, same

"I got a buck." "Yeah? You should use it to get some fashion sense."

lmaoooo

LOIS STAHP I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THIS

It's actually beautiful, you can see her come up with her next burn in real time

"You know, this, uh, whole orange and green thing you got going? Looks like Flipper threw up."

Gooodd I'm in love with her

SHE CALLED HIM FISH STICK I'M-

"You were turning blue." "It's a good color on me."

LOIS STOPPPPPP I NEED TO BREATHE😭😭

THE WAY HE'S LOOKING AT HER? DUDE SAMEEEE

no because they actually have great chemistry

wdym German philosophy is easy DO YOU KNOW THE TORTURE I WENT THROUGH IN HIGH SCHOOL??? DO YOU??

stop why am I shipping Lois and AC they're so cute together😭

HELP

Lois if he falls into the water, shouldn't you jump in after him??💀

I really feel like they made the change in Lex too abrupt which is kind of a bummer because they had a great setup for it after Lionel tried to kill him at the end of season 3.

"You really don't listen, do you?" "No, I try not to, I find it distracting."

AGAIN, I LOVE LOIS AND THEY'RE CUTEEEEE

some of his pickup lines are really cringy though💀

not me getting invested when I know this isn't going anywhere😭

"LOIS??!?!?"

perfect timing Clark

Clark: 🧍😠

"Lois is all over this guy. And all we know him is that he can swim faster than I can."

jsdkdjHkas HE NEEDS TO GET A GRIP BECAUSE WHY DOES HE SOUND ANGRY AND NOT CONCERNED😭💀

I can't

Chloe: listing perfectly normal things about AC like him being on a swim team

Clark: Does he have a criminal record?😠

"I don't know what it is about this guy but I get a bad feeling."

Mmmhhhmmmm okay yeah...

CLARK DON'T EMBARRASS YOURSELF PLS

Even Lana is so done with his shit I'm crying

"Do you really believe that or is that just a pickup line for the girls?" "Clark!!!!"

RIGHT IN FRONT OF LANA LIKE-

you can't make this up😭

PLSSSSSS

Okay Lois he would totally attack AC because he's jealous (and he kinda did💀) but he wouldn't straight up invent lies about him, come on.

OOOOh is this actually the first time we hear the nickname boy scout? (I don't have the best memory so I'm not sure😅)

not AC calling Lex "bro"💀💀

"One day of college and he's already an activist."

PLSSSSS

Again, I think they could've set up this plot a bit better wrt Lex's reasons for selling that weapon despite the damage that it causes.

I'm sorry but this is kind of funny

OK NOW I'M FULL ON LAUGHING

WHAT IS THISSSS😭😭

"Are you okay?" "WET AND READY BRO."

SHDAJKFHDHGWAUIFGQM W H A T ???

WET

AND

READY

????????

I JUST FELL OUT OF MY BED WHO IS THE LEGEND RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PIECE OF DIALOGUE I MUST KNOW😭

"Well, you didn't tell him about my pitchfork, did you?" "I defended you."

*brief pause from the comedy of it all to feel PAIN*

the way AC says "bro" takes me outttt

"Maybe we should start up a junior lifeguard association or something."

STOOP THAT'S WHAT BART SAID TOO (not the lifeguard part but you know what I mean)

This just in, JLA stands for Junior Lifeguard Association💀

STAY SUPER BRAH (I'll stop making fun of AC now I prommy)

noooooo Lois😭😭😭

welp, I shipped it while it lasted

(I'm still tagging this post as clois though because we all know who the OTP is😌😌)

"I was just trying to look out for you." If you say so👀

not to be repetitive but...

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW GOOD SHE LOOKS IN THIS LIGHTING????

"I've known a lot of guys who want to own the world. I haven't met very many who actually want to save it. How am I ever gonna meet someone like that again?"

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP FALLING TO MY KNEES DO YOU GUYS EVEN UNDERSTAND????

That, exactly that is the reason she loves Clark (or will eventually, whatever) I'M GOING INSANEEEE THEY WROTE HER SO WELL😭

"Lois, I promise, some day... you'll meet someone even more special."

this episode was everything I needed and more

[blueberry-ovaries]

PLAYLIST - HIRAETH

A playlist for Hiraeth - or the songs i listen to when writing :)

I also imagine the audio where it’s like “i’m not a violent dog i don’t know why i bite”, if you wanted to feel more sad, imagine that :D (Isle of the dogs, audios are so sad)

HIRAETH - Winnie’s personal playlist

I Bet On Losing Dogs - Mitski

‘Tell your baby that I’m your baby - I bet on losing dogs - I know they’re losing and i’ll pay for my place’

Waiting Room - Phoebe Bridges

‘Know it’s for the better - Know it’s for the better - Know it’s for the better’

‘If you were a waiting room i would never see a doctor - I would sit there with my first aid kit and bleed’

Not Strong Enough - Boy Genius

‘Always an angel never a god - Always an angel never a god’

Chemtrails Over The Country Club - Lana Del Ray

‘You’re in the wind, I’m in the water - Nobody’s son, Nobody’s daughter’

The Archer - Taylor Swift

‘Can you see right through me - They see right through me - They see right through me’

Matilda - Harry Styles

‘Nothing about the way you were treated ever seemed especially alarming ‘til now- So you tie up your hair like it’s no big deal - You can let it go - You can throw a party full of everyone you know’

You’re On Your Own Kid - Taylor Swift

‘Just to learn my dreams aren’t rare - You’re on your own kid - You always have been’

‘My friends from home don’t know what to say - I looked around in a blood-soaked gown - And I saw something they can’t take away’

Cigarette Daydream - Cage the Elephant

‘You were only Seventeen - So sweet with a mean streak - nearly brought me to my knees’

Seven Nation Army - The White Stripes

‘I’m gonna serve it to you - And that ain’t what you want to hear - But that’s what i’ll do’

Angel of Small Death and the Codine Scene - Hozier

‘With her sweetened breath - And her tongue so mean - She’s the angel of small death and the cosine scene - With her stare blonde hair - Her arms hard and lean’

Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Ray

‘Will you still love me when i’m no longer young and beautiful - Will you still love me when i’ve got nothing but my aching soul - I know you will, I know you will’

The Fruits - Paris Paloma

‘For if i’m going down - I guess i’ll take you with me - Screaming birds sound an awful lot like singing’

Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine

‘So you better run - Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father - Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers’

‘Leave all your love and your longing behind - You can’t carry it with you if you want to survive’

Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

‘When everything feels like the movies - Yeah, you bleed just to know your alive - And i don’t want the world to see me - ‘Cause i don’t think that they’d understand’

I’ll Make a Man Out of You - Donny Osmund (Mulan)

‘Did they send me daughters - When i asked for sons? - You’re the saddest bunch I ever met - But you can bet before we’re through - Mister, i’ll make a man out of you’

Fine Line - Harry Styles

“We’ll be a fine line - We’ll be a fine line - We’ll be alright - We’ll be alright’

Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer

‘Don’t know if you love me or you want me dead - Push me away, push me away - Then beg me to stay, beg me to stay’

‘Fight so dirty but your love’s so sweet - Talk so pretty but your hearts got teeth’

Kiwi - Harry Styles

‘She worked her way through a cheap back of cigarettes- Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect’

Sign of the Times - Harry Styles

‘We never learn we’ve been here before - Why are we always stuck and running from - The bullets? The bullets?’

Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus

‘But she doesn’t know who I am - And she doesn’t give a damn about me - Cause i’m just a teenage dirt bag baby’

Can’t Help Falling in Love - Elvis Presley

‘Wise men say “Only fools rush in” - But I can’t help falling in love with you - Shall I stay? - Would it be a sin? - If i can’t help, falling in love with you’

Devil in Disguise - Elvis Presley

‘You look like an angel - Walk like an angel - Talk like an angel - But i got wise - You’re the devil in disguise’

Everlong - Foo Fighters

‘I’m over my head - Out of my head she sang - And I wonder, when I sing along with you - If everything could ever feel this way forever’

I’m Still Standing - Elton John

‘I’m still standing better than I ever did - Looking like a true survivor - Feeling like a little kid - And I’m still standing after all this time’

History of Man - Maisie Peters

‘He stole our youth and promised heaven - The men start wars yet Troy hates Helen - Women’s hearts are lethal weapons - Did you hold mine and feel threatened?’

Work Song - Hozier

‘When my time comes around - Lay me gently on the cold dark earth - No grave can hold my body down - I’ll crawl home to her’

Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

‘’Cause who am I, if not exploited - And i’m so sick of 17 - Where’s my fucking teenage dream?’

‘And I wished people liked me more - All I did was try my best - This the kind of thanks I get? - unrelentlessly upset’

Francesca - Hozier

‘My life was a storm since I was born - How could I fear any hurricane? - If someone asked me at the end - I’d tell them “put me back in it”’

Soldier, Poet, King - The Oh Hellos

‘There will come a soldier - Who carries a mighty sword - He will tear your city down - Oh lei - Oh lai - oh lord’

Honour to us all - Lea Salonga (mulan soundtrack)

‘Help me not to make a fool of me - And not uproot my family tree - Keep my father standing tall’

Reflection - Lea Salonga (mulan soundtrack)

‘Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? - Why is my reflection someone I don’t know? - Somehow, I cannot hide who I am, though i’ve tried’

Don’t Blame Me - Taylor Swift

‘They say, she’s gone too far this time - Don’t blame me, love made me crazy’

Boys Will Be Bugs - Cavetown

‘I eat sticks and rocks and mud - I don’t care about the government - And i really need a hug - I feel stupid, ugly - Pretend it doesn’t bother me’

‘I’m not very strong but - I’ll fuck you up if you’re mean to bugs’

Two Birds - Regina Spektor

‘Two birds on a wire - one says come on - And the other says i’m tired’

‘Two birds of a feather - Say that they’re always - Gonna stay together - But one’s never goin’ to let go of that wire’

Paper Rings - Taylor Swift

‘I like shiny things but i’d marry you with paper rings’

End Game - Taylor Swift

‘Big reputation, big reputation - Oh, you and me got big reputations - Ah, and you heard about me - Oh, I got some big enemies’

Seventeen Going Under - Sam Fender

‘I was far too scared to hit him - But i’d hit him in a heartbeat now - That’s the thing with anger - It begs to stick around’

Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes) - Edison Lighthouse

‘She talks kinda lazy - And people say she’s crazy - And her life’s a mystery - Oh, but live grows where my Rosemary goes’

I Love You So Much- The Walters

‘I’m gonna pack my things and leave you behind - This feeling’s old and I know that i’ve made up my mind - I hope you feel what i felt when you shattered me soul’

‘So, please let me go - But I love you so (please let me go) - I love you so (please let me go)

TAG LIST:

@malarkgirlypop @mads-weasley @footprintsinthesxnd @bucky32557038ww2 @grumpy-liebgott @executethyself35 @fxxiva

[sinatra-in-solitude]

time for another tracklist edit… this time

Midnights

1. Anti-Hero ft. Bleachers

2. You’re On Your Own, Kid

3. Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

4. Maroon

5. Bejeweled

6. The Great War

7. Sweet Nothing

8. Bigger Than The Whole Sky

9. High Infidelity

10. Midnight Rain

11. Snow On The Beach ft. Lana Del Rey

12. Dear Reader

Midnights: After Dark

14. Question…?

15. Paris

16. Vigilante Shit ft. Billie Eilish & Ice Spice

17. Karma

18. Glitch

19. Lavender Haze ft. Carly Rae Jepsen

20. Labyrinth ft. Labrinth

21. Mastermind

22. You’re Losing Me (Bonus Track)

23. Hits Different (Bonus Track)

~

I structured this in a way that is central to the overarching narrative of Midnights: examining sleepless nights through her career.

Anti-Hero would be a great opener as she recontextualizes herself and her music. She perceives herself as an ‘underdog’ when she debuted so this also represents her first era.

You’re Own Your Own Kid is a fitting track that could symbolize her ‘Fearless’ era: turning 18, becoming more famous, and a foreshadowing of what’s to come. It was also supposed to be Track 3 but the next song is probably more personal to her….

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve is a retrospective song about a young woman dating a man who’s much older than her… coincidently, she had a similar relationship experience in the ‘Speak Now’ era.

Maroon is ‘Red’ but ‘matured’. She was no longer 22. (She was 32 at the time of Midnight’s release). All those years changed her… for better or worse.

Bejeweled is how some would describe her ‘1989’ era. A reminisce about the past. That she still got it. She is dazzling. She was everywhere. She had everything… until 2016 happened.

The Great War is a more ‘stripped-back’ and melancholic take on the ‘reputation’ era. It was a fight she had to endure that will ultimately shape her future.

Sweet Nothing is a softer take on ‘Lover’. After feuds and drama, she just wants lay down with her loved ones.

Bigger Than The Whole Sky represents ‘folklore’ in a way that she talks about the past and of the people and things she had lost. It’s part of her healing process.

High Infidelity might pertain to her fears of cheating and losing the love of her life (another foreshadowing?) which fits the darker/moodier tone of ‘evermore’.

Midnight Rain kind of encapsulates her newest era and sound for this album. Long into the night, she starts to feel drowsy, feeling tired of thinking about ‘what ifs’ and the like.

Snow on the Beach (needed that re-record) and sits between the darkest hour and the upcoming morning. It is gentle and almost feels like a lullaby to wake you up.

Dear Reader is a perfect epilogue to this story. It talks about introspection and maturity. It’s helpful advice mixed with self-deprecation. A fitting end for a night of no sleep.

For the Deluxe (After Dark), I thought to reverse the order.

Question…? deserves to be the first track as it feels like you’re drunk but you’re actually just sleep-deprived.

Paris is bright and bubbly and is perfectly ‘Lover’.

Vigilante Shit is what everyone thought about ‘reputation’ at a surface level. I put Ice Spice (and Billie Eilish) here because they fit in this song more than the next track.

A supposed ‘lost record’, Karma is redone as a way for Taylor to reclaim the ‘snake’ narrative that she was put through in the past.

Glitch is in a weird spot (along with another song further down the line) but it represents a combination of ‘1989’ and ‘Red’.

Lavender Haze is a reference to the color of ‘Speak Now’. Also, I was debating on whether or not CRJ should be here or ‘Paris’ but I chose this song for it to be some sort of ‘penultimate’.

Labyrinth is the other song I implied in Glitch. While they might seem interchangeable, this leads into the next song more smoothly in a narrative sense/context. (It also kinda represents ‘Fearless’ in a way [being lost in the music industry].)

Mastermind closes out this whole album (and era as a whole). It recontextualizes Labyrinth as a maze/contraption that she set up and as well as her habit of putting ‘easter eggs’ on her songs and marketing (almost like she planned her life out in the beginning…).

Finally the last 2 songs are relegated to Bonus Tracks as they were released far into the era. I flipped the order (Hits Different came first before You’re Losing Me) so that it ends on a higher note/tone.

that’s all and thanks for reading ✨