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Quiet inbetween [Sukuna x Reader]
Summary: Collections of quiet, cozy, intimate moments you share with Sukuna, who thinks you two won't last a year. Someone who used to live a wild, fast-paced, loud lifestyle couldn't possibly be fit for a long-term relationship. But he doesn't know that you're the one he needed this whole time.
Word Count: 3.7K words
Rating: Mostly fluff with a little spice (sexual content) at the end, but no full explicit content. Mostly T with a little M.
A/N: Happy holidays y'all. This might be my last fic posted in the year so I hope you guys transition into the new year safely. Goodness, do I love writing my A.U. version of Sukuna. So fun and flirty that he makes me blush sometimes and I control what he says. But I guess that's a good thing, right. Sadly my next fic is dealing with a not so fun topic, haha. (It's Gojo-centric, so you might know where I'm going with this) Anyways, stay safe out there and I'll see you again in 2025. Enough yapping from me, enjoy!
Normal, quiet moments tend to bring discomfort within Sukuna. Dating trouble as a teen limited his time to sit and enjoy the small pleasures of life. He was all about the grand, overwhelming, taboo pleasures that one wouldn’t dare chase but rather daydream about. Or worse, make simulation games about and live out their guilty pleasures vicariously through fictional characters. But with taboo pleasures come consequences which landed him in jail for some time.
Within the year after his release, he met you which slowly inspired him to alter his fast, vicious lifestyle. You introduced him to things he never would have found himself participating in. Things he used to tease his twin brother for being a sheep for society for. A mom-and-pop coffee shop was one of them.
“How do you drink this shit?” Sukuna sticks out his tongue. Tanned liquid trapped in your mouth almost spills. Air blows from your nose, signifying your amusement at Sukuna’s first experience with coffee.
Swallowing down the first sip of your coffee, your eyes admire Sukuna’s childlike distaste for your go-to morning beverage. “Because I order mine with cream, sugar, and caramel. You’re pretty much drinking burnt black water.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that before?”
You give him a “really?” look. “I said you should start out with the caramel Frappuccino but you said, and I quote.” You notch your voice down several pitches lower. “The hell I look like drinking that sissy shit.”
“You could have recommended me any other drink but this. This was a terrible first impression.”
“I can order you another one to make up for it.”
Sukuna pouts. “I’ll pass. I fear I’ll be disappointed again.”
“Sukuna, you just drink straight black coffee, you can’t write the whole thing off just because you had one variation of it. That’s like saying “I hate potatoes” because you ate unsalted, lukewarm fries.” Sukuna scrunches his face.
“That’s not the same.”
“Yes, it is. It’s a perfect comparison.”
“It’s two completely different scenarios. You really thought you schooled me with that, huh.”
“Shut up. I’m ordering you a new drink.”
Waiting for his redemption cup, Sukuna stares at you typing away on your laptop computer. Your hair curtains over part of your face, tempting Sukuna to reach over and fix it. Yet the messy hair curtain highlights your beauty so effortlessly, he couldn’t stop adoring your natural radiance.
The strong smell of roast occasionally makes its mark. Ranges of chatter mingle with the loud cycle of brewing and baking. Quirky, cheesy posters hang all over, providing a drowning sense of positivity and relatability. Generic chill music slithers through the atmosphere, failing to chill Sukuna’s social anxiety. Thankfully, his new drink just came to save the moment.
Taking a drink from the flat white laced with sugar and cream, he sits back to allow his brain to register. His eyebrows raise with a small smack of his mouth, giving you some hope that coffee redeemed itself on the oh so great Sukuna’s tastebuds.
“Well?” You ask impatiently.
“Not bad. Could use more sugar but it’s drinkable.” Sukuna reviews. A pleased smile killed your worry. “I’m glad you gave it a second chance. I hope we can have more coffee dates like this.”
Sukuna narrows his eyes. “This is a date?”
Your eyes roll. “No this is a job interview.”
“I’m not one for customer service but if I get to look at you all day long and the pay is good then sign me up.” You hate that something as corny as that made you blush.
“Hush Sukuna, of course this is a date. This is like our twelfth time seeing each other, I like to think all of the time we spent together so far wasn't a waste of time.”
“Ooh someone’s no-nonsense.” Sukuna smirks, large arms crossed.
You sigh, “I’m just over the hookups and the flings. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t just one-and-done me.”
“Eh, all of the one-night conquests and strictly sex ordeals were starting to get stale. You got a nice face with a body to match. You’re on no bullshit and are fun for the most part. You haven't bored me yet so I don’t mind continuing this.”
“Yet?”
“I tend to get bored with my women so I wouldn't hold hope of this lasting past a year. Just letting you know so the heartbreak will hurt a little less.”
You smirk, amused by his lack of filter. “Well, a year will be record breaking compared to my recent relationships these last few years. So bring it.”
Your polished nails navigate the grassy fields of dusty pink, natural hair oil inked on your fingertips. Your poor thighs are weighed down under his dumbbells for arms. Your other hand caress Sukuna’s right bicep, fixating on the jet black tattoos contrasting with his pale skin. He rubs your left knee as he rests against your stomach.
Sukuna releases a deep sigh, letting go of the temporary stresses of life. He’ll rather die than admit it but this is what he mostly looks forward to when he goes about his day. It took him a while to get used to you being positioned behind him, often side eyeing the first few times you two were like this.
Call it trust issues. Slam the non-medical diagnosis of PTSD resulted from a rough upbringing and life as a criminal. Or if we’re really getting psychological, throw out the fancy “internalized misanthropy” word. Re-fucking-gardless, he’s always been highly aware and on guard whenever people are in close proximity to him, ever since he was a kid.
Now, the more he allows himself to turn his brain off in your lap the easier you hear him lightly snoring within several minutes. You giggle as his resting figure emits loud snores thirty minutes in of scalp scratching and head caressing.
“Sweet dreams.” You reach down to peck warmth on his forehead.
Your wishes go unnoticed as child-like ease warps itself across face tattoos and a sharp jawline. A surprisingly dynamic clash.
Your laughter saturates the kitchen space accompanied by music from the vintage radio. Flour dressed your behemoth all over, making it the sight of the century. Sukuna frowns as he attempts to smooth the pizza dough with the rolling pin. Tears edge your eyes; the catastrophe he was causing was funnier than any standup comedy.
“Hush. You're breaking my focus.” Sukuna was struggling to knead the dough enough to be a thin foundation. It usually ends up shaping to be a deep dish or just a regular sized pizza. This was his third effort to mold the pizza, with two “epic failures” baking in the oven.
When your laughter demoted to light chuckles, you rub his arm for support. “You know I can help you shape the dough. It took me fifteen tries before making an objectively decent pizza.” Sukuna shakes his head.
“That’s because you were the one making it. It’s gonna be perfect this time.” Sukuna smooths out the dough and smirks at his “perfectly” thin pizza. You roll your eyes and walk over to gather the cheese and other toppings.
The pizza rises within the oven, gluing the toppings within the cheese. Sukuna watches it carefully from the kitchen island, like his life depended on whether this Thursday night dinner was great or not.
A marathon of T.V. commercial ramblings was bugging background noise as you tidied up. The other two pizzas sat on the cooling rack, being forgotten tasty mistakes. Flour ages his hair many decades, snowing down his chest with every tiny movement. He turns to see an unlikely troublemaker look down at him, a small hill of flour ready to be thrown from your palm. Sukuna narrows his eyes with a challenging look.
“You’re playing a dangerous game, darling.”
“Game on.” You threw it, igniting a two-man war.
The remaining time for the perfect pizza to cook filled with flour fights, spotting majority of the kitchen with white powder. The cooking timer goes off as you two lay across the table exchanging flour and zeal between prolonged smooches.
This epic fantasy was seducing your imagination during the mundane hours of the late evening. You sense Sukuna spying on you and your book from the corner of your eye. However, the clever arrangement of words trailing above your bookmark helps you ignore him.
“How do you read these things? That shit looks bigger than The Bible.” Sukuna pokes at the spine of your novel, trailing over the gold-engrained lettering.
“I don’t judge stories based on length. If it’s engaging enough then I wouldn’t mind reading three hundred-plus pages of something.”
“Where do you find the time to invest in a story that long?” Sukuna wasn’t even teasing at this point; he was genuinely curious.
“People watch 10 seasons worth of television or animes with more than 100 episodes.”
“Watching TV and reading are different no matter how much you try to make them feel the same. I can simply turn on the T.V. and watch 100 episodes of something without exerting much energy. You have to sit up, read so many words, and decipher hundreds of pages worth of story. It’s not the same.”
“True, I’ll give you that. I just find it funny that people draw the line at consuming a story through reading only because you have to put a little more effort in it.” You bounced back.
Sukuna rubbed his chin. “I remember being into poetry and haikus a lot as a teenager. But I started getting involved in other shit so I lost interest along the way.”
You snap to him, no longer being a silent witness to a passionate kissing scene. “You like poetry?”
“I suppose. I always liked how poets managed to craft thoughts so elegantly. Perfectly describing the complicated or unsaid.”
“You know the local bookstore down the street has a whole section of poetry books. What’s your favorite poets? I could buy you some of their latest work.” Your comforter became a temporary bookmark with your book lying face down.
“Hmm, I don’t really have a favorite poet. I used to buy a bunch of random poetry or haiku books and kept the ones that stuck with me. There is one writer that I really like though...”
You wait in anticipation as you witness him in thought. Simple things like racking his brain makes him a cutie. Sukuna snaps his fingers.
“Ahh, Yosa Takahama is his name. His work is usually written in Japanese but some translators re-publish them in their mother’s tongue. His work is hard to find around here though. I don’t even know how I managed to snag one of his books in the first place.”
Despite the challenge, you were determined to get it for him. “I’ll figure out a way to get you one. That way we could be reading buddies.”
“You don’t have to do all of that, doll. You’ll rip your hair out trying to find those books. I’m fine watching you ignore me in favor of a book that can knock your teeth out.” You chuckle.
During the rest of the night, you noticed the boredom on Sukuna’s face as he mindlessly consumes television. The least you can do is try to hunt down this haiku book for him. Dating him for some time, he confessed to losing touch with so many hobbies he grew up with over the last few years. You wanted to bring that inner child back to life, killed by proving to the world how tough he was.
Getting him to read something that actually interests him can be another way to embrace the innocent pleasures in life. You can tell he misses that wild delinquency some days, but you hope he doesn’t miss it enough to end this relationship over. If you can find it, hopefully it can be a building block that rebuilds his new path after leaving the old behind. Anything to help you be closer to him.
6 weeks later
Sukuna emerges from the bathroom. The odors of the food he cooked from his restaurant today were replaced with standard soap and his natural scent. Like every other night, you sat with your book, seemingly ignoring Sukuna’s lingering stare.
After dressing himself, he sinks on the mattress and attempts to lay against his pillow. His thick neck isn't met with the soft cushion but instead a hard surface in the middle area. He stares at his pillow, offended for it not providing comfort, so he lifts it up. A white hardcover book reveals.
“What’s this?” He asked, not turning to you yet. You shift from the words to your boyfriend’s confusion. “I don’t know where that came from. Maybe the book fairy paid you a visit.” You played dumb.
“You’re so corny.” He holds up the book.
“A corny girl you’ve been dating for almost a year now.”
“Quiet. I’m trying to see what this is.” Sukuna didn’t even examine the title, the pages of the book flutter until he lands on a random page. He reads aloud.
“Vindictive winter / A white, mighty rabbit looks / betrayed by the king / ...wait.” Sukuna looks at you and you copy his shocked expression.
“This is Yosa Takahama’s stuff. How did you even get this? This must have cost you a fortune.”
“It was costly and took me weeks to find a readable copy but the look on your face right now makes it worth it. I wanted you to read with me instead of being a T.V. zombie. Even if that means reading mind fuckery haikus.” You chuckle.
Sukuna grabs your waist from the side and unleashes many wet pecks around your cheek, neck, and upper chest. You giggle as you brush his hair and hug him back.
“I appreciate it.”
“No big deal.” You replicate his cool cat version of “You’re welcome.” that he usually throws at you. Sukuna smirks at the playful imitation.
The rest of the evening is spent with you two lost in your own worlds of literature. Your brains mixed imagination, broadened perspectives, and emotional intelligence from honeyed words inked against the white.
“I’m too big for this tub. You barely have any room to stretch your legs.” Sukuna commented.
He adjusted his position behind you, the bubbles shifting from his large body. Your feet rested on the tip of the tub to keep from smushing against the porcelain. You turn to him, offering a reassuring smile. He snickers at your ridiculous face mask, particularly the cucumbers concealing your eyes.
“No, you’re not. You say that every time you get in with me. You’re fine Kuna, really.”
Sukuna rests his arms around the top edges of the tub, leaning back to make himself comfortable in his slightly cramped soak. The warm water, Epsom salt, and meditation music playing from your phone kneads away the hidden tension that plagues his body from the everyday.
“Before I met you, I haven't taken a bath in almost fifteen years.” He confesses.
“That sounds so disgusting out of context.” You cringe. Sukuna chuckles.
“You know what I mean.”
“I can’t imagine going that long without a bath. Baths are way better than showers.” You admitted.
“Showers are for a quick wash. Baths are more for relaxation.”
“I shower for fifteen minutes minimum, thirty-five minutes max. I spend about three minutes just letting the hot water hit my body and think about whatever. There’s no way I can just shower for ten minutes or less.”
“Is that why you’re so smoking.” Sukuna flirted. You shake your head, “That was so corny, Kuna. C’mon you can flirt better than that.”
“You’re right. I just wanted to see your reaction.”
You two enjoy each other’s company. The heat protects you from winter and the sheet of bubbles float around and pop within. Sukuna arms lay over yours, rubbing over your wrist. Sukuna focuses on your face and develops a sense of mischief.
“Babydoll.”
“Yeah?”
“Turn around for me.”
You quirk a brow but obeyed by slowly turning his way. In a swift motion, Sukuna moves forward and bites off the cucumber sitting on your right eye. Your right vision sees Sukuna munching on your edible eye mask.
“Really, Kuna? You couldn’t resist temptation to eat that?” You scolded. You take off the other cucumber, abandoning your hopes to keep your eyelids nice and fresh. Sukuna steals the other cucumber from your hand and flings it in his mouth.
“You’re impossible to relax with sometimes.”
“Thanks for the snack.” Sukuna mumbles through chewing.
You sigh then lay against his chest and close your eyes. If he was going to interrupt your beauty routine the least he can do is be your pillow.
Sukuna big toe hugs your own after caressing your right foot. Both of your feet poke out from the thick blanket, suffering from the gentle lashes of the nippy air condition. You rest your head on his squishy but firm chest, goosebumps forming from his rough hands brushing your skin.
“We should light the fireplace.” You suggested.
Sukuna let out a lazy sigh, “What you really mean is that I should light it.”
“Yeah, you should.”
“I could but I fear I’ll turn into a popsicle.”
You giggle. “Hey, at least you’ll taste good.”
Sukuna smirks, “I already taste good. You should know out of anyone.”
You playfully shrug. “Eh, you’re alright. No fine dining though.”
“Oh really?”
“Yep.”
“How about you taste this then.”
Sukuna leans down and traps your lips in the moment. His lips were smaller than yours yet they managed to govern the heat stirring between each lingering kiss. The frigid air in the room is forgotten in your minds as you and Sukuna make out under the grey blanket. After a couple minutes of sensual touching and lip pulls, Sukuna goes for your neck.
“Well?” Sukuna lands soft bites inches under your chin.
“I was just kidding earlier but that was...”
“Better than fine dining?”
“I don’t know what’s better than fine dining but, yeah, better than that.”
Sukuna chuckles, “Glad to remind you.”
Sukuna “accidentally” lands a hard bite just above your collarbone, caging a pleasured groan within closed lips. Sukuna kisses the forming red patch, “Sorry baby, got a little greedy there.”
“I hope I give you a brain freeze.” You joked, trying to take your mind off the aching spot.
Sukuna hooks his finger around the side of your silk underwear, his other hand slowly appreciates your ass. “I’m sure it’ll be worth it.”
Your body slowly rocks on top of him, the yellow and orange from the fireplace illuminate your dips and curves. The aftershocks of your second orgasm calm down, giving you the signal to stop riding him. One hand caresses the trimmed hairs sprinkled across Sukuna’s chest. The other traces the small gold chain decorating his pecs. Sukuna squeezes the body fat from your hips then pats your left butt cheek.
You hop off and lay down on the blanket you set down for your second round. Sukuna pulls off the condom and gets up to throw it away. The contained fire warms your naked body from a distance, defending you from the army of white cold. You hum while the fire entertains you until Sukuna comes back. He’s wearing the boxers he had on earlier with the embroidered knife patterns. Where he got those kinds of boxers you may never know.
Sukuna drops the pillow he stole from the couch then sits down on the blanket. He pulls you towards him and you two lie down together. You perform his signature trait, pushing his hair back, enabling his wild look. Sukuna traces your spine, quietly admiring both how strong and weak one’s bone structure could be.
“I never thought I would enjoy silly things like sitting in front of a fireplace during winter.”
“It’s silly?”
“Not really. I guess I just associated this with Christmas activities. Christmas always seemed too cheesy to me so I associated things like this as silly holiday stuff.”
“Yeah, I get it. Sex in front of the fireplace, just silly wholesome Christmas activities.” You joked. You instantly felt Sukuna’s laughter rumble throughout his chest. After calming down he gives your arm a light pinch.
“You know what I mean.”
“I’m just happy you allowed me to bring some mellow in your life. I remember when I met you, you were always in some crazy illegal trouble. It seemed like I could barely keep up with you and your fast-paced lifestyle.”
“Yeah, it was fun for a while, I’ll admit. Even getting caught had some sort of thrill. Now that I’m pushing thirty, I just feel over it.”
You chuckle, “Not a spring chicken as you used to be.”
“Yeah. I suppose every hot shot has their limit.”
“Well, I’m proud that you’re beginning to settle down. I know your brother is too.” You rub his cheek.
“I was surprised when he offered to help me set up my fight clubhouse. He’s usually against violence and shit.”
“Maybe he thought that it would be a nice distraction from your life with crime. Even if it meant supporting you doing something he also doesn’t like. Like a lesser of two evils kind of thing.”
“I never knew someone so predictable yet unpredictable at the same time more than him.” Sukuna said. You giggle then sprawl your hands across Sukuna’s abdomen, trailing over the ridges in a playful matter. Sukuna tender gaze studies your features as he softly pulls little cushions of your skin.
“Thank you for sticking with me.”
You look up to see the wild orange shadowing his strong features. His usual too cool-for-school attitude was replaced with a loving nature only reserved for you. A nature molded by small, seemingly insignificant moments sparked by a mutual agreement of casual dating. You plant a few kisses against his jawline then lay back on his chest.
Before your eyes close for the night, you slur a few words that gets a smile out of Sukuna. “Guess you’re stuck with me now.”
#sukuna x reader#no use of y/n#ryomen sukuna#sukuna#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fanfic#fanfiction#fluff#a little spicy#quiet time#reading#jin itadori mentioned#sukuna learns that being quiet and cozy ain't so bad
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𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥: Pt 2
Part 1
𐙚 Marcus acacius x fem!reader/emperor geta x fem!reader 𐙚 18+
Summary: You are the Empress of Rome in a mundane marriage to Emperor Geta. After many months, General Acacius is back from war.
Warnings/Contains: fem reader, smut, teasing, edging, rough sex, [slight] dirty talk, unprotected sex, cheating, not proof read,
Word Count: 2k
More on my Master list! + follow & like pls
Several months had passed since you last saw General Acacius. He had been away at war, compelled by your husband's greed as he seized lands in your royal name.
Occasionally, a friendly letter would arrive, but it lacked the warmth of his presence. That time apart felt like a sorrowful chapter; in fact, you even found yourself respecting your husband more than before. He had even dismissed his other lovers. You never desired a distraction in the form of a lover because deep down, you understood that no one could match the love that the great general had given you.
Simply thinking about him warmed your skin and made your body crave the desire to please. In bed, you would stretch out, arching your back at the thought of him behind you. You slipped your fingers inside yourself and closed your eyes.
You teased yourself, gently grazing your clitoris and rubbing it. Your moans were impossible to ignore from down the hall. Geta pushed open your chamber doors to find you a sloppy mess on the bed. “[Y/n]! It is two hours past midnight. What are you doing awake?”
From your drunken state, you lifted your head. Although tired, the emperor knew when you needed his attention. Your eyes settled in his gaze, your hands on the bed like an untamed mountain lion. Nails dug into the bedding as you arched. Your makeup and hair were messy from earlier in the day; your nightwear held on by the curves of your body.
He shut the door behind him before moving closer to the bed. “Mhhh, please fuck me.” You had never asked for sex so blatantly. No, not his wife. You were busy being rather mysterious, floating about the palace with a certain distance from anything sexual. “Geta.”
Unfamiliar with this side of you, he proceeded with caution. “Y- you, uhm, you should rest.”
You pulled him into bed and lay on the pillows. “Come finger me…then fuck me.” You undid your night gown.
“[Y/n]! What has gotten into you?”
You moved away from him, closing your night gown. “I will not beg you for sex so just leave.” You mutter.
He left you in your bedroom alone. You sighed and lay over the pillows, the scent of desperation on the sheets.
The next day, you woke up late and took your time getting dressed. While you brushed your hair, a servant adjusted the ties of your dress, expertly tying them into silk bows. “Where is Geta?” You inquired sleepily. He would typically watch you get dressed or sneak a glance at least.
"The emperors are attending the soldier's banquet to honor the return of the general and his troops."
“He is back?” You hurriedly left your vanity and dashed through the palace corridors. Entering the dining room, you spotted your husband seated at the table with Caracalla, the general, and several commanders. Meanwhile, the other soldiers were likely indulging in drinks at the city hall dining hall. An open seat was beside your husband, and you took your place there.
Geta rolled his eyes with distain, “Where have you been?”
“Ahem, good morning, my Queen.” The General and his men stood and bowed in your presence.
There was a pause as you looked across the table at the General. “I- I overslept; I am sorry.” You whispered to your husband, “Please, excuse me, Gentlemen, I was caught up with tonight’s celebration.” Acacius distracted himself with a drink.
“Do not be sorry; eat.” Geta said quietly after you were served.
You were the last to leave the dining room, determined to linger a while longer, as if savoring the warmth of the space just a bit more. From one of the entrances, Acacius waited silently, his helmet held loosely between his hip and arm. He seemed to carry the weight of the world with him, looking stronger than you remembered, with deep lines etched into his face and a weariness in his eyes that spoke of countless battles fought and won—at deep costs. A frown rested on his lips, hinting at a troubled mind, as if he were grappling with thoughts too heavy to share in that moment. The once-awkward atmosphere of the dining room felt distant now, fading into a silence that deepened the tension lingering between you. “Hi.” His voice that usual respectful gruff. Nevertheless, nothing could prevent your desire-filled gaze from slithering over his body like warm honey.
You picked at the skin of your cuticles, “Hello.” You looked at your hands before him again. “A lot has happened these months.”
“I have heard.”
“I am glad you are back…and in one piece.”
He stepped into the room, “How have you been?”
A part of you longed to sabotage his efforts by admitting that you had developed feelings for Geta. It felt like a convenient excuse that might save you both from the inevitable heartache that was looming on the horizon. The idea of walking away without the weight of your true feelings dragging you down was tempting. Yet, deep inside, there was still a part of your heart that belonged irreversibly to him, no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself otherwise.
You weren't ashamed of what you felt; it was fear that consumed you. Fear of vulnerability, of the raw intensity of your emotions, and of the consequences that might arise from confessing the truth. By the time you finally mustered the courage to lift your gaze and meet the eyes of the general, you found him standing firmly before you, resolute and unwavering. In that moment, the weight of unspoken words hung heavily in the air, the tension palpable between you.
Your fingertips gripped the edge of the table, and you felt his chest against yours as you breathed deeply. You grew flustered easily when it came to him, “G- general Acacius…I would like to personally welcome you back home after ahem, your great successes overseas.”
“Thank you, Empress.” He took your delicate hand into his clutch before kissing the back of it. He leaned over you deeper until you lay against the table, supporting yourself on your elbows.
“Marcus, we cannot do this here.” You whisper to him. Your dress began to grow messy with stains as he touched your clothes, disregarding the platters of food, jellies and other delicacies. You moaned as he suckled on the skin of your neck. “My husband-“
He grabbed your waist, pulling you against him. “Your emperor has put me through hell. I have not had a woman in my hands in months.”
“Marcus!”
“I know you are craving me.” He undid the dress off your shoulders, freeing your breasts. You could not bring yourself to lie to him. You were craving him. More than a crave, it was a yearning. A yearning for perfect dick, perfect sex from a man worthy of your precious body.
You held the back of his head as he suckled on your nipple. His hand tucked beneath your dress, gently stroking your clitoris from over your undergarments. Your thighs trembled and your hips bucked to the hot feeling between your thighs.
That gentle flick of his tongue on your aerolas made your head throw back in pleasure. “Marcus! Marcus!” His fingers snuck into the side of your undergarments, gently lapping his fingers over the wetness between your labia.
He looked you in the eyes as he slipped a thick digit into your needy little opening. You nearly came from the overstimulation alone but— “No, no, hold it. Hold that in, my empress.” You whimpered in disappointment as he drew his finger out.
“Mar-“
He placed a firm hand over your mouth and continued to tease your nipples. Your chest rose and fell quickly as your back arched. You could cum from this if he kept going. However, he stopped. Your hard nipples were left exposed and so very sensitive. Again, you moaned with need; this time, pulling him back to you by the collar. “You will make me cum. I need this.”
“Well then. I will make sure you cum. More than once.” He found your opening again; this time he stretched you with two fingers. “I’ll make you cum more times than whatever ‘man’ you have been to bed with.” You nod to his words, bucking your hips with the speed of his thrusting, and soaked fingers.
As you rocked your hips, he withdrew his fingers from your, now throbbing, opening. “Marcus.” A desperate moan left your lips.
“I will have to do this *tonight* though. I have business to attend to.”
“Yes, that business is me.” You pulled him close to you with your legs around his hips.
“Unfortunately, it is not.”
“Marcus. Please.”
He cupped your face in his hand and smiled, “You are so respectful…stay this way, my empress.” Although you had more power than him throughout the empire, when he spoke so condescendingly, his speech rather degrading, you only wanted to kneel before him.
“How could you leave me right now?”
“I am not leaving you again,” he looked down on you, a smile on his lips. It was rather comforting to hear that from him. “You are going to be just fine. Get yourself cleaned up and I will come to you when I am done.”
“But how long will that take?”
He sighed and took off a chain necklace from around his neck. Solid silver pendant and chain sat in your palm. “To prove that I am not leaving, take this. I would never leave without it.” At that point, you wanted to be the necklace, the clothes on his back and the armor on the table beside you. Just anything to be on his skin.
“I trust you.”
He kissed the top of your head and dismissed himself. You slid off the table, disregarding the stains on your dress as you covered your breasts.
So soon after dinner that evening, you found yourself in bed with him.
Tears were brought to your eyes as he held your neck in a chokehold, his hips pounded against your backside. Your eyes rolled back as your breasts bounced against your own body. Sweat, and tears streamed down your face. “Shhh,” Helpless whimpers left your mouth as he held you closer, “It is ok, sweetie.” He huffed into your right ear from behind. Your legs on either side of him trembled and your fingertips did the same, holding onto his strong forearm.
You had so long ago stopped counting the number of times you orgasmed, instead, letting his cock plow your pussy with no fight.
Marcus turned you over onto your side, staying loyal to his arm on your throat. He kept your legs spread and pumped inside your cunt, reaching your g-spot from another Angle. “Marcus!” You dissolved in his arms; your strained vocal cords cried out to him for more. His necklace was around your neck and with every buck, bounced against your breasts.
“You are doing so well.” He grunted into your ear. “You sound so pretty.”
At this point, you were convinced he was put on this earth to solely fuck you. Maybe *you* were put on this earth to get fucked *by* him. Whatever the case, you were not listening to your thoughts. “Y- yes, g- general.” Was all you could muster out. There was nothing in your head. All you could hear were the sounds of his balls slapping your pussy as he grinded deeper inside of you, hitting your cervix. He was going to bruise it and have you limping for the rest of the week, but you didn’t care. Your limping would be a prize for him, one of many.
You came over his cock again for the…well, you were unsure of the count. Just lay there and relax your body. There was no point of gripping him back; your pussy was worn out by now.
“Breathe.” He whispered, slowing his pace, his fingers trailing to your clitoris. You did not have the strength to reply, you only squeezed his arms. His hands gently rubbed your soft body, helping you lay back onto him. He came deep inside of your cunt, holding you still as he caught his breath. A deep moan left his throat. “I’ll let you rest, my empress.”
More on my Master list! + follow & like pls
#pedro pascal x reader#gladiator 2#pedro pascal#marcus acacius x reader#joel miller x reader#pedro pascal smut#marcus acacius#marcus acacius x you#marcus acacius x female reader#Marcus acacius x f!reader#gladiator 2 fic#gladiator ii#gladiator 2 fanfiction#gladiator 2 fanfic#emperor geta x reader#emperor geta smut#marcus acacius smut#gladiator ll#emperor geta fanfiction#gladiator emperor geta x reader#gladiator x reader#joseph quinn x reader#joseph quinn x you#joseph quinn x y/n
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What it means to be "chosen" - burden, fate, acceptance
This is not going to be a full analysis on the whereabouts of why and how "The Chosen One" trope is being executed in the Digimon Adventure series, because frankly... The lines have pretty much been blurred throughout the different iterations. Even the question of why some children in particular were chosen has been answered differently depending on which source material and which person you'll ask - and thus, there are different interpretations out there. Whether it's because of their potential (in regards to certain attributes, the subject of friendship or in general) shall not be discussed in full, but let's say... The very first Chosen Ones were chosen out of necessity, even if chance may have been involved.
If you ask me personally, the main premise one can and should take away from all of it actually boils down to a cheesy quote from the dub version of the first Pokémon movie: "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant; it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are."
Replace "birth" and "life" with "Chosen Child status" and it fits again - regardless of what characters you apply it to. The only difference here is - that they may not refer to it as a "gift". Because this is something they all handle differently, depending on what version you look at, once more. So I wanted to make a little, very inoffical ranking on how the status is being perceived by all of them. Keep in mind that, by the end of 02, you could say that ALL of them have accepted it as a part of their lives, some more willingly than others, but the general tone is the same:
"Being chosen is nothing special and yet we all understand that there is a necessity, that we have a duty to fulfill."
After characters like Sora or Yamato had already questioned being chosen in Adventure, Ken was the first character that challenged the idea of it being a "burden created by chance".
"It could have been anyone but me, so why was I chosen, why did I have to suffer and get punished?"
This theme is being explored in similar yet different ways through the protagonists of the later movies - Meiko (and Maki), Menoa and Rui all represent tragic figures in a somewhat twisted "game of chance", used by higher forces. We know that the number of Chosen Children doubled each year - whether due to Homeostasis meddling mingled with Rui's wish shall not be subject of this post, but overall, we can say: They all received the "gift" of partnerships. However, neither of them were meant to last, due to different circumstances. Which includes Ken as well - because once corrupted or unable to fulfill a certain "duty" any longer, all these partnerships were (sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently) ripped apart.
Long story short, for the sake of the following ranking, I will include Tri onwards for completion sake - however, it's just a temporary state, because "Adventure Beyond" may fix some of these views.
Rejects it as a burden (temporarily): Sora
This one is, sadly, quite self-explanatory due to the current state of Sora being "out of the loop". She had been among those who initially (Adventure) fell into despair due to the burden of having to save the world - and while she temporarily accepted it (02), it all played into her trauma of not knowing who she was and how to define herself outside of "labels that were externally assigned to her". So yes, despite her clearly loving her partner... We shall wait and see how she will deal with this in the future.
Ambilvalent, had to get through several stages of contemplation, but overall knows it's part of who they are (still ongoing): Yamato & Taichi, Miyako & Iori
These two "groups" are here for different reasons. The entirety of the Adventure-verse spends a lot of time telling us how torn Taichi and Yamato are basically all the time - they're more than willing to save the world whenever it's required, but struggle with the "Chosen Child identity" and what it means for them as "normal people". Because as strongest fighters, they know they shoulder a lot of responsibility, for themselves, their friends and families, but also for the worlds out there. Fighting yet causing sacrifices when they themselves still have to deal with heavy childhood trauma not only causes them to clash, but also to (subconsciously) reject their duties, hence causing their partnerships to (temporarily) vanish. Which is very similar to the tragic figures talked above - which is also why they all suffer from depression, fear of abandonment and identity crises. They're perfectly aware of the duty and see it as a necessity they HAVE TOO choose for themselves in order to succeed. But the latter is a lesson they had to learn the hard way first - while also remembering how important their partners (and this kind of life) really are to them, because it's literally all there inside themselves. They just have to discover it again.
Miyako and Iori are a bit harder to decipher - they used to struggle strongly with the idea of having to make sacrifices due to their Chosen Child status and I would argue that this is still something that, if they think about it for too long, keeps them up at night. But I would still put them on the outer part of this scale - for the simple fact that they were able to integrate their partnerships into their daily lives. There may absolutely be times when they see it as a chore and annoying - but begrudgingly accept it due to the bond they share with their partners and friends.
Accepts it after coming to terms with it, transforms it positively: Hikari & Takeru, Jyou, Mimi & Ken
The viewer doesn't spend as much time with these two when it comes to how they define themselves. Hikari and Takeru, similarly to their brothers, can be assumed to be aware of their special status among the group. They're the enabling angels - and know that's why they could never quit. On the other hand, despite suffering from childhood and family-related trauma that causes them to fear darkness and separation, they seem to learn not to see it as a "burden" in itself. Unlike their siblings, they have an easier time integrating their partners into their daily lives - maybe because they hadn't been separated for as long, maybe it's because they perceive it differently due to their ages and being surrounded by people who also make it look easy. They are aware of the responsibility - and despite their strong opinions on injustice, they're still able to see the gift in it all.
Jyou, Mimi and Ken are purposefully separated from everyone, due to the fact that they were all at a point in their lives at least ONCE where they were about to quit it all for good - but eventually learned that it was something about themselves they couldn't change. Something they had to live with, if they wanted or not, even if they were ALL heavily affected by watching beloved people/mons die. Mimi loathed the idea of fighting and causing unnecessary death, Jyou repeatedly asked himself why he couldn't just live a normal life aside from outside expectations - but unlike Sora or Taichi, they actively embraced the idea that there were things only they were capable of that nobody else could. This seems to be in contrast to the idea that "being chosen is nothing special" - but these two were capable of making it work in a more casual, less spectacular way and, just like the likes of Miyako, Iori, Takeru and Hikari, were able to keep their partners as active parts of their private and/or career lives all around.
And so was Ken! Ken's journey is that of repentance, wanting to make up for what he did in the past, even if it meant sacrificing himself for that. He could easily have collapsed under that burden - if he hadn't had the right people to surround himself with, showing him that he was valuable despite his wrongdoings. And it feels like - Ken learned that lesson so thoroughly that, even though one can be sure that he still suffers from nightmares as an adult, he's also capable of helping others (just like Rui) to understand that message.
These three chose to embrace it eventually, even if there were temporary doubts.
Embraces it as part of their lives without question: Daisuke & Koushirou
I'm not saying that Daisuke WASN'T having temporary doubts of whether or not he was worthy enough to carry a digivice or even the goggles at first - but he also turned out to be the one who just "winged it" all eventually, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. For him, having a partner, being chosen, meant just that - it didn't make him any more or less special than any other person on the planet with aspirations, goals or all the various life paths. Sure, he may have been flabbergasted and in awe at first, but in the end, meeting V-mon was nothing more than getting another brother AND having the ability to be badass and doing the best he could while saving the world. Despite his mask of self-importance, who knows him also knows that he's down to earth like that and just accepts it all how it is as a side gig to getting his Ramen business going.
Koushirou may be a little bit less casual about it, but for him, being chosen isn't a burden or fate or any magically connected miracle - it is a part of his identity. Yes, he may have been just as irritated by File Island and being surrounded by weird monsters as everyone else was - but he was basically the first one who just questioned it all because he simply wanted to figure it out, NOT because it was a chore. Yes, he may look exasperated at times after having helped to support saving the world(s) countless times, but for him, that is his life. He has committed himself to researching the whereabouts of the Digital World, his tech company is primarily aimed at creating gadgets to support his friends and that serve the initial cause - and his partner is basically with him 24/7 anyway.
#my two cents#meta#digimon#digimon adventure#digimon adventure 02#digimon adventure tri#digimon adventure last evolution kizuna#digimon adventure the beginning#sora takenouchi#yamato ishida#taichi yagami#takeru takaishi#hikari yagami#miyako inoue#iori hida#jou kidou#mimi tachikawa#ken ichijouji#daisuke motomiya#koushiro izumi
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I've started playing Persona 5 Royal, my first Persona game, because it was ridiculously cheap on Steam. Back when I had GamePass, I installed it but never played past the opening, which I think is a bit weak. I'm about 20 hours in, through the first two palaces, and I'm not sure that my opinion is going to change too much, but I'm registering it now just in case (with some spoilers for the first fourth of the game):
I think having a division between the physical world and the mental world, which is physically represented, is super cool. I used it in Dark Wizard of Donkerk, and am overdue for using it in something else. Psychonauts did it too. Inside Out as well. I will always love this concept.
I don't think I like the gameplay. The last major JRPG I played was Final Fantasy VII Remake, and I thought the same there, so ... I don't know, maybe just a whole genre that I don't have that much of a taste for. It's mostly the random inventory items and pointless mob fights that I'm frowning at.
Severe lack of harmony between the battle stuff and the story. The mob fights have fuck all to do with infiltrating someone's mind. There's stupid elemental shit. The mob designs are interesting but mostly disconnected from each other and any theme.
So far, the psyche stuff has been surprisingly shallow, given that it's the main focus of the game. First palace was a gym teacher (Kamoshida) who's abusing students (physically and sexually), and sees the high school as his castle, but ... I don't know. I wanted more. We're literally walking around inside a character's mind, why is the character study so shallow? He should have layers, like an onion, each more horrible than the last. Kawakami is the other teacher we know best at the start, and there's no sense of how he views her, whether she's a sex object to him, or a non-entity, or someone he's worried about, or what, and I kept expecting that narrative beat to happen. I don't know, I think my fanfic would just radically change the entire palace concept so we get ten times the interplay between real world and mental world, and so we can turn these characters inside out and see all their gross bits.
I wish that Joker spoke more often. He's not really a blank slate protagonist, but there's very little personality there, as much as I'm trying, and that means that other characters are driving the plot and scenes and in general being more interesting than him. This is just a matter of personal preference, and a place where I definitely depart from what the average JRPG enjoyer likes.
I generally enjoy the slice-of-life elements, and to a lesser extent, the time management, though there's a part of me that's just screaming that I should be looking at a guide to maximize values. And if I do that, I'll no longer be playing the game, I'll just be watching scenes and doing inputs. I am definitely not playing this game twice, so if there's a difference in endings, or a big chunk of content I might miss, so be it.
It's relatively low on the anime shit that I hate, though there's still plenty of time for me to be disappointed. The way they're handling Ann is ... kind of not great. She was sexually harassed and then immediately after they have this whole "nude modeling" plot that's played for laughs and titillation, and it's possibly just a me problem here (avoiding spoilers for now), but "girl who was leered at and sexually pressured by her gym teacher being then jokingly pressured by her friends to do sexual stuff she's uncomfortable with" is ... not how I would write it. (The answer to "how I would write Ann" would certainly be pretty long, and I haven't finished the game yet, so maybe it gets better, or gets given more meat in the hangouts or whatever.)
There's still time, but I sort of assume that we're just never going to go into the minds of the protagonists, which is a shame. Tons of possibilities there, and I think if they were going to explore any of them, they would have done it by now. I guess I feel the palaces are underdeveloped enough that I probably wouldn't be satisfied by how they treat the protagonists anyway, but it's what I would have done. Let me see a physical manifestation of how Ryugi feels about his alcoholic father. Let me see Joker's defiance. Let me see Ann's self-image. Show me links between these characters, the differences in how they see the social web.
The frame story for the game is an interrogation by the cops, and I am not a fan. Half the time they're just yanking me out of the story I was in the middle of to signpost "hey, this guy is important". Possibly this will all payoff later in some interesting way, like halfway through the game we reach the "present" and the frame breaks. I usually like that. I've had thoughts on the interesting ways the frame story could be used, and so far they haven't used it in those ways. (Also, there's a bit of weirdness where ... I am pretty sure that I was fighting shadows and using powers outside the Metaverse? Unless the interrogation is actually taking place within the Metaverse. Unsure whether I can register a prediction on this basis, or if there are just more mechanics/wrinkles later on. So far, the interrogation taking place within someone's Palace doesn't seem like it would comport with the rules/expectations that have been set up, but there's still time. I'd prefer not being spoiled if there is a clever payoff or twist.)
This game is apparently 100 hours long, which means it's going to take me forever to finish it. I am enjoying it in spite of any quibbles above, but I'm also feeling like it's only 80% of the game that I want it to be, partly down to execution and partly down to personal preference.
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I am also a hand tool woodworker (albeit an inexperienced amateur one) and I second everything @transgalactic-woodworker said above!
there's a saying in woodworking: "it's cheaper to buy than to build." mass industrial production of furniture is always going to produce a less inexpensive end product than me in my garage wood shop, even when I'm using bullshit construction lumber from the big box store, (which I do for most of my projects because I am not made of money). I'm glad the cheap sheet goods exist -- I made a cabinet with a plywood back, which saved me some bucks -- although seeing an entire piece of furniture made of MDF makes my soul want to leave my body, especially when it's super expensive like OP pointed out.
but yes, modern furniture sucks, and in strictly construction terms it is absolutely the joinery. proper furniture joinery is beautiful and sturdy and lasts centuries, but even with power tools it is not fast, especially compared to slamming shit together with cheap metal parts.
I started doing woodworking because I was tired of cheap shitty furniture that was going to break in a few years. I am now learning to make my own, slightly more expensive shitty furniture that will (and this is the crucial difference) last my lifetime because it's made out of solid wood with proper joinery.
(I have the financial stability and space to invest in some tools and supplies, and I very much recognize that not everyone has that, but there are ways to build basic furniture that doesn't require thousands of bucks of tools or an entire room dedicated to it. I'd start with Rex Krueger on youtube if you want to get an idea of what you can do with basic tools. if there's a tool library in your area you might be able to borrow those tools rather than buy them, especially if you just want to build one or two things and not have to buy a bunch of stuff.)
These things are made of garbage and glue and they want to charge this much for them??? Seriously considering just buying some real wood and making it myself. We tolerate this chipboard crap BECAUSE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE INCREDIBLY AFFORDABLE.
#highly seconding the recommendation to grab the anarchist's tool chest too#christopher schwartz is an excellent resource for these things#and he believes strongly in building simple furniture for real people to actually use#and that it should last for several generations#anyway yeah special interest activated thank you for your time#woodworking#cheap furniture#capitalism#joinery#hand tool woodworking#trees#deforestation#long post
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Correcting the Na'vi in the "Activist Survival Guide" Masterpost
A little over a year ago I made a post correcting some of the fake Na'vi in the Avatar: an Activist Survival Guide book based on some images taken from it that I saw in another post. Since then I've gotten my hands on digital copy of the full book and therefore found even more fake Na'vi terms and sentences, and I decided to make a single massive post to fix them all.
I was originally gonna do it as a regular tumblr post, but then decided to make it a google doc instead for the sake of having more formatting options.
Here's the document, enjoy, fellow nerds.
#it was mildly cathartic lol#avatar#lì'fya leNa'vi#even if you don't want to get super in-depth with Na'vi syllable structure and stuff (which hey fair not everyone's cup of tea):#hopefully looking at these will help you get a decent general idea of what real vs. fake Na'vi looks like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#btw some of the formatting (esp. in the last section) went a little wonky after publishing the document (looked fine while editing)#but i'm gonna deal with that later cuz i've already spent several hours on this#it should automatically update once i fix it anyways
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think I need to go over my boss's head bc she had another category 5 nextdoor poster moment today
#i wasn't around but apparently she came in in a tizzy telling my coworker she wanted to call security#because she saw a student walking around in a puffy coat with lots of bags and 'he might have a gun'#and my coworker had to go he's a regular? he's in here all the time? calm the fuck down?#several of us suspect he might be housing insecure. he is also Black#an admin I was talking to re: the LAST cop calling incident let me know#that he'd briefed the cops to refer back to him if she calls them about THAT student#and I think I'm gonna have to go could you maybe extend that to a general mandate#if she calls campus security and it's not an immediate proven threat they should check with one of us#to see if our boss is just having a defcon 5 white woman crisis again
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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omgg i started following you because i loved your motogp posts and i did not expect to get emotionally attacked about my tennis fave like this. you've lit expressed everything ive felt abt tennis lately like daniil's return game has developed so well these last few years if only his shoulders were still functional he wld be soo unstoppable (i remember like last 2 year-ish when his serve suddenly went to shit and i was like wtf is going on?? but then it turned out his shoulders don' work anymore😭😭😭) ngl i did not expect him to make it to the ao finals this yr at all but then he did and i started getting hope again and then well uk what happened next... (i actually went to bed when he was up 2 sets because i alrdy had premonitions for what was abt to happen and i didnt need that experience twice 😭) anyways i finally quit watching the men's tour reguarly middle of this yr-ish because mostly because my biggest opp started winning big tournanments/slams consistently and i cld not take it anymore (part of why i got into motogp ig, i needed a new thing to fill in the hole)
also ur thing being having to be the chosen one in men's tennis is soo true but i wld argue it cld even be broadened down to being in the chosen generation... every 90s born player doomed to be seen as the weak links of the sport, both forever destined to be surpassed by those who came before and those who came after...
anyways mostly i also just wanted to thank you for writing all your super information motogp posts!! not only is ur writing style super informative/consistent, all the topics u've written abt feel super unique like i doubt i wld ever randomly stumble elsewhere. i'm not that good w/ words so idk how to fully express my appreciation, but your posts are the main reason i started delving into more past motogp races and interviews instead of just sticking to current ones which has 1000% made my experience of becoming a motogp fan more enjoyable!
🥺🥺 such a nice ask from a fellow sufferer... I actually tried to sleep in for the ao final and managed for like. maybe a set. it's so funny to have a whole fanbase quite literally begging their player not to go up two sets to love, zero hindsight needed I was HORRIFIED by that second set going his way... especially since I noticed the balance of play in the actual games had changed and meddy wasn't winning any return points anymore, just relying on an earlier break to seal that set iirc. and then I started going for increasingly desperate tactics to distract myself when the inevitable happened in the next three sets (including rewatching marc marquez: all in, it was rough man, like I get what you're saying about getting into motogp to escape because generally I too have fled to this sport whenever tennis has most been pissing me off)
and obviously that final was very trauma flashbacks to my definitive sports trauma, a match I'm STILL not over and at this rate have accepted I'll be miserable about until the day I die. but this time I couldn't even BLAME him because it was an insane effort to even get to the final, he'd done such a fantastic job given his tennis really wasn't there at the start of the tournament, he just kept figuring out ways to win... the hurkacz match where he basically ran out of fuel in the fourth, that crazy semifinal where he just refused to know when he was beaten, and then taking two sets off sinner in that final!! the resilience and the grit but also the tactical acumen, like my god when he blindsided hurkacz by radically altering his return position RIGHT AFTER doing that post-match back-and-forth with courier where he explained in detail why he favoured his regular return position. the cleverness and the bravery he showed in clutch points in that semi, something that zverev is completely incapable of (monte carlo 2023 still lives rent free lol), like the psychology of that match slapped. how he took it so sinner, completely caught him off guard by mixing up his game, and it was WORKING. really managed to change the dynamic of that match up... he lost that match first and foremost in his legs. just so cruel after everything. we had the guy who easily disposed of an admittedly rubbish djokovic in the semis on the ropes. and it still. was. not. fucking. enough. one of the best slam final runs in recent memory and it still wasn't enough!! he's already far outperformed what he SHOULD have been capable of in his career and somehow he keeps developing a game style which should have plateaued ages ago and I have so much respect for the work him and gilles have done post-2022... and he really should have more to show for it
anyway yeah I remember the serve decline in 2022, back when I was really in the weeds with analysing meddy's game. and that was also the year it felt like his legs completely deserted him. his deciding set record that year was horrific after ao, very rarely even got it that far win or lose and when he did so almost always lost (karatsev was cramping, let's not talk about the other third set win)
scorelines from the tour finals genuine miracle i did not throw myself into the sea
only one four set match post-ao and he also lost that, incidentally. and obviously that was partly because his brain was fucked, BUT I also wondered whether it was the aftereffects of the hernia operation that year affecting both the physicality and the serve. and I can't remember if he confirmed that anywhere but the theory's certainly cottoned on to help explain the serve decline, even if his endurance obviously has massively improved again. and then add in the shoulder... it's so brutal because it used to be such a key pillar to his game, like the whole magic was tied together by being able to whizz through his own service games while making his opponent's return games hellish
and like,, the thing I really admire about him is that there was a period in 2022 where it did feel like he'd been 'figured out', like there was increasingly a game plan that could be used against him. serve and volley, etc etc. but to some extent, he's managed to resist just being written off when facing elite competition BECAUSE he keeps coming up with ways to throw his opponents off-balance. what he's been doing this year, for all that it hasn't gotten him great results, has been so much fun to watch - really reminded me of his summer/autumn 2019 stretch where he'd played so much he should've constantly been at risk of keeling over of exhaustion but adapted to it by just becoming a completely different player. wawrinka uso 2019 match still goes crazyyyy, one of his most underrated performances. serve and volley in the uso 2019 final I wanna run to u. it's such a wonderfully unique game that's frankensteining all these unique parts together that all sort of shouldn't work but all sort of do, harnessed and constantly reinvented by (let's face it) the smartest top player currently in the game. and it really does piss me off that he hasn't been rewarded more. he's been the best of the rest since 2019, he's absolutely maximised his game for someone who doesn't have that stratospheric big three-level of talent and I WANT it to actually matter. but men's tennis will always see talent triumphing over guile I fear, and meddy has consistently been a victim of poor timing
and yeah, the generational aspect is true, where the entire ''''''''nextgen''''''''' cohort has essentially been doomed - partly because they just weren't good enough, but partly because they arrived at just the right time window to still be thoroughly traumatised by the big three without getting any kind of a break before the next super talents showed up. until 2022 I really did naively believe we were getting a chaos era of SOME kind until that decrepit spanish ghoul showed up in australia to trample all over my soul and give me depression, and then immediately another bloody spaniard started going at it. how can you not be a little bit bitter that alcaraz got to swan to his first slam title without having to face a single member of the big three? idk man like sometimes it really is the magic of sports that the anointed few don't just have talent on their side, they are also fantastically lucky. you see it with how the big three all secured their first slams... things just seem to work out somehow. infuriating and existentially horrifying
anyway. lol. as you can see I do always have a tennis rant in me. will always be a major part of my life, obviously something I have a far far better understanding of than any other sport, still keep up with the women's game fairly closely... where icl it helps that the players I'm most invested in have dropped off SO badly this year, partly due to injury, that I can merrily ignore their existence. plus, and this bit is crucial, I don't loathe the players who actually win things. so I'm in a happy place where I just enjoy the sport and (if anything) want Certain top players to do better than they currently are... but also don't lose any sleep over the results. like, have I been massively frustrated with iga this year? yes, but it's also not made me stare at a wall for five hours. also, it's just been a way better product than this predictable basher servebot shit from the men. women's wimbledon semi day THE best tennis day of the year, prove me wrong. they've had actual classic matches, which the men have been noticeably short on. just sort of been an odd season for the men, with djokovic shrivelling and alcaraz patchy outside of two slams and sinner doing his whole 'I'm not a cardboard cut out I'm a REAL boy' routine on his way to fifty hard court titles and everyone else irrelevant. as I've already said... it's fine. whatever. hope the sport enjoys fifty thousand alcaraz/sinner slam wins as the earth keeps turning around the sun and eventually we all turn to dust. it's fine
and seriously, thank you for everything in the ask... always happy to hear I've made someone's fan experience like. better. and that I add something a little bit different to the mix lol, also literally no compliment I like to read more than anything to do with my actual writing. because this ask was so lovely, here's my personal favourite moment as a tennis fan this year:
still think that australian open title should be restored to us
#“my biggest opp started winning big tournaments/slams consistently” REAL that bit kinda broke me#athletes who are super good and u get no real sense of why they care whether they win or lose like?? i hate u#when he said he was thinking on the flight back from ao what he should've done better in the first two sets... literally fuck off#'oh he's just introverted' iga's also introverted and she seems to take severe psychological damage every other week. as it should be#//#batsplat responds#but do have to confess: before late last year i did generally root for him against alcaraz out of a sort of enemy of my enemy impulse#remember when he used to be our pigeon </3#last time sinner was funny was when medvedev yawned while walking past him during changeover as the italian crowd went nuts#medvedev's fuck southern europe tour of late 2021 u will ALWAYS be famous#getting the french the italians AND the spaniards to boo you within like a month? last time i felt alive#he was dropping banger after banger back then... remember his 'it's easier to enjoy life when you have no brain' monologue about the french#the record books may write him off as a single slam champ but the streets will NEVER forget
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ae could do like. a fic/fic series where all the chapters and such are purposely written to be very short
y'know? like- in the writing mood? have an idea with no start or end? want to get in that mindset so you can work on other thing? make the writing equivalent of a doodle and hope it helps
#idk#as we get further into the cold months ae will get less and less motivated#and the anhedonia will kick in. and ae will become severely depressed#so writing and creations in general are going to be less and less and less common as we move ahead#that was the problem with stanuary and forduary last year y'know? the reason we didn't do them#not exactly a good time for folks with SAD#anyway. we'll be okay. but y'know maybe you folks should know that#we have half a year of struggling to get through before the tides will draw back
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Dark Era Akutagawa embroidered shirt my beloved
#More in general Dark Era Akutagawa my beloved#ryūnosuke akutagawa#bsd#bungou stray dogs#mine#q.#21/08/22#Mmh... Reconsiderations were made since I posted this#I don't think the embroidery is a characteristic of the Dark Era shirt anymore. But I still like to think it's a different one#Besides the depiction of the shirt details is quite inconsistent...#If you look at the last page of chapter 20 / volume 5 there is focus that looks wide enough you should definitely be able to see–#the embroidery‚ and yet it's perfectly plain. Then again in the following chapter there's several panels where you can see the lines...#In the end it's probably just an artistic choice lead by wanting to avoid the eye to be distracted by other details–#where the focus should be on the face#There is a sensible difference between Dark Era Akutagawa and current Akutagawa though: the way he wears Dazai's coat#In the way he wears the collar; currently it's high up while it used to be down‚ adherent to the neckline#It's cute. I love Dark Era Akutagawa. Current timeline Akutagawa could die and I wouldn't really care–#but Dark Era Akutagawa is someone I feel true emphaty towards and I wish to be happy
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going to do something very scary today, which is reply to an email from..... last june 🫠😬 it's fine!!! it's going to be fine!!! am posting this so I don't chicken out
#good idea generator#dont have a defense either im literally just like this#i WOULD have had a defense if i replied last aug or sept#it a reply to an old prof of mine who helped me with my masters app wishing me a happy grad#i put off replying to her until i knew abt grad school which ended up not being till august#and then i was a combo of annoyed embarrassed and forgetful amd i just. never replied#i probably should just take the L and ghost forever but i dont wanna#i really do like this prof and want to keep at least sporadic contact with her#strawpoll would you guys instantly hate someone who didnt reply to you for a year#for context in this scenario it also took you several months to reply in the first place but you had a good reason#whatever im going to send it!!! im not asking for anything im just saying thank you and sorry and heres what happened with the grad app
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morgan's reaction to reid revealing he's never been to new york is so funny to me. maybe it's that he says his first line:
jj speaks:
(two sidenotes: one: jj is very cute here. two: why is she sitting like that)
and then morgan keeps going:
i think it would be less funny to me if there wasn't a beat between his two lines because it gives the impression that he's just Stuck on this train of thought. if hotch hadn't stopped their silliness to remind them that they're in a crime show would he have kept going. "it's four hours in your gay little car! it's a 24 hour 34 minute bike ride! it's a 112 hour walk! what is wrong with you!"
#im sorry im not funny#derek morgan#uhhhh idk if i should tag reid or jj im mostly talking about morgan here#w/e#i got the times from google maps van ness (where i THINK reid lives???) to new york in general. i know little of american geography so thos#numbers might be totally off#complete tangent but i always get so thrown off when americans talk about states like this#like when im reminded how small the states are compared to our provinces#what do you mean it's four-ish hours to drive several(?) states over. why is your country in such little pieces#for context: from edmonton (capital city of my province) to the capital cities of the adjacent provinces (british columbia and saskatchewan#it is 14hrs 17mins and 7hrs 22mins respectively if you drive#and when i last visited bc we drove and it was eighteen-ish hours to get where we were going#not fic#criminal minds#criminal minds rewatch#criminal minds s01e17#a real rain#criminal minds 1x17
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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God. One of my little sisters is such a bitch. She's done me some genuine damage in exacerbating my already social bad anxiety. But when I have dreams where she's been hurt or killed, it's so horrible bc she's still my lil sister :-(
#its bc last night my dad had a dream she was in a car wreck. he transferred that anxiety onto me#shes such a bitch tho.just like intolerant of things she doesnt understand. and she does not understand my unwell brain#i think she likes my youngest sistsr best now. which fair bc i do too but we used to be besties. we used to explore in the woods together#and play ellos and barbies and legos and poly pockets and magnets. and now we never text eachother. its sorta sad#its not just me tho. my youngest sister and i have a 4 year gap so we weren't really interacting much when were were little bc she was too#bby to me but shes such a genuinely lovely person now. shes a special ed and preschool teacher. i asked her mom how she ended up with both#of my sisters bc my middle sister is the most like entitled person i kno. like my parents r very generous and she doesnt think for a moment#about not accepthing things from them. she thinks shes owed that amd more. its so strange#and my mom was like. thank goodness i got the youngest bc otherwise id think something was wrong with me#im prob somewhere in the middle of them. my brain is just more fucked up so like im greatful but im struggling. theres not a ton of like#really obvious mental illness in my family tho. just here and there someone should b diagnosed and get a bit of help. my uncle is the only#other one who could possibly be bipo1ar but hes also got a lot of problems: severe adhd and possibly b0rderline. so it could just b that but#my dad says when u talk to him sometimes things just doent make sense bc hes had convos in his head wuth you so he thinks u kno already#idk. its interesting tho#unrelated
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trying to do some financial math for if i move out and getting sick to my stomach
#ohhhhhhhhh god. oh christ alive.#my problem is that my discipline used to be great when i was both severely depressed/agoraphobic AND unemployed#and stopped wanting for things altogether. not the case anymore#wanting for things usually being...eating during or after work or getting a ride to go somewhere nice for a bit. whatever#i think its...DOABLE theoretically but im like. um. nervous#asked my manager for full time hours which im already kicking myself over but well if i want to get out of here#and i do so so so fucking badly#then. things have to change#struggling hard. i hate change and i hate making decisions especially ones i have yet to tell my mom about#NUMBER of things keeping me from acting quite yet but thats probably the worst is the thought of telling her#i dont know...how financially me moving out is going to work for her and my brother (who also wants to move eventually)#and i dont...i dont want to leave them here to drown#but i cant DO IT ANYMORE MAN if i dont try to get out i never will and the despair of being stuck here has done IMMENSE damage#to me over the last few weeks particularly after being able to envision a future where things are different#thinking about getting out of here gives me the energy to do things. i want to get out. i NEED to get OUT#god i really should just start making the body of the post the title and then writing the tags where the post should go#this is not how blogging works generally. embarrassing. well it probably wont change because i dont care enough
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