#and that is his own pain

[thedragonagelesbian]

Guilt, hate, secret, and skin :)

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

oc asks: not so nice edition

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

Any time someone else gets hurt on his watch, he's going to feel responsible for it and feel guilty about it. For DA2 Cyrus, big moments include Carver and Leandra's deaths, Bethany being taken to the Circle, and the entirety of The Last Straw and its fallout.

BG3 Cyrus doesn't shoulder as much of that just because he hasn't had any close interpersonal relationships since leaving Baldur's Gate (or, in the case of Ranger Cyrus, since killing [redacted] and leaving Iriaebor). He still feels a little bad about leaving Baldur's Gate in the first place instead of staying after the orphanage burned down, but it's been decades at this point, and he's been able to mostly put that to rest.

The real moment of guilt for pallybarb Cyrus comes with breaking his oath-- he feels so awful for letting everyone down, for falling short of his expectations for himself, and for taking time for himself to process and deal with that instead of swallowing it down to focus on stopping the Absolute. He doesn't want to face that guilt because he doesn't want to face any of it.

Similarly, Shadow Sorc Cyrus feels guilty any time his Came Back Wrong weirdness takes up any time or space that could've been better spent trying to get the tadpoles out of their skulls.

Ranger Cyrus is the only one of them who has any legitimate reason to feel guilty, specifically for the harm he perpetuated as [redacted]'s right hand. And he does, but he already came to terms with that culpability, accepted that that guilt wouldn't do any good for anyone without action, and for a time worked to redress it.

hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

Any version of Cyrus is going to hate people who use power to hurt others and the institutions that they represent-- whether that's the templars and the Chantry in DA2 or Gortash and the Steel Watchers in BG3. Injustice, exploitation, cruelty, and, of course, hurting people he cares about are easy ways to light the fire of his righteous and violent fury.

He also hates feeling powerless, specifically powerless to take care of others. This relates obviously to the sense of guilt that this inspires. His Whole Thing is protection, and he doesn't understand himself as having much value or identity beyond that, so when that protection fails or is insufficient, he can get quite angry about it.

Adjacently, depending on the timeline, he really hates being lied to with the intention of manipulating him and taking advantage of his giving and trusting nature. This is the case for DA2 Cyrus from Act 3 onward and for Ranger Cyrus.

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

That he hurts. That he's tired. That he has doubts.

skin: How comfortable is your OC in their skin? Do they grapple with anything that lives inside them—a beast, a curse, a failure, a monster? How do they face the smallest, weakest, most horrible version of themself? Are they able to acknowledge it at all?

He Isn't. The intensity of his alienation of his body varies from version to version, stemming from understanding himself first and foremost as a tool for saving others, from being unable to separate himself from his armor and his titles.

I don't know if you count oathbreaking as a curse, but if you do, all versions of him are cursed! Pallybarb Cyrus is filled with divine absence and silence, Ranger Cyrus lost at least a century of his lifespan in a life transference spell that aged and weathered him, Shadow Sorc Cyrus Came Back Wrong, and DA2 Cyrus is so cursed in such weird noncanonical ways that I just call it the Problems for ease of reference.

As you might imagine, Cyrus struggles a lot to acknowledge his weakest self, as he struggles to acknowledge any self. Any version of him will come to rely on friends, loved ones, and partners to help him with that process-- to be able to hold onto him when he can't hold onto himself and help ground him in the world through physical intimacy.

[ingravinoveritas]

"We've all got to be fighting that fight every day."

Happy Pride, everyone...

[hinamie]

I don't want to regret the way I lived

[seventeendeer]

ppl are too quick to point to laios' disability as the reason his friends think he's a freak sometimes. so many instances of laios getting yelled at are, in my eyes, a case of "this guy had to emotionally mature very early in order to be there for his little sister" combined with "much older friends who never had to learn to manage their own emotions to the same degree"

a lot of the time he's right about needing to be more direct/deal with things in a way that may seem scary/needing to put your gut reaction aside. he tries not to make his friends uncomfortable and he puts up with a lot because he's trying to keep the peace, but he also pushes the others out of their comfort zones purposefully to try to get them to think more constructively. everyone else in the party is prone to acting on their gut instincts and avoiding uncomfortable situations even when facing them head-on is very much necessary. part of what makes laios such a great leader is the fact that he knows from experience how to put his own feelings aside to help someone else grow.

yes, he does make a lot of social blunders by accident and he does struggle to connect with others, but not all of his positive influence on others is accidental or "despite" making people uncomfortable. a lot of the time, I think it's clear he knows exactly what he's doing and he's trying to help the people around him process emotions in a healthy way as they all go through some truly harrowing shit. all the main characters support each other as well as they can with their unique emotional skillsets. laios' skillset just happens to be "gently talk child into eating her vegetables"

[mobius-m-mobius]

#obsessed with their priorities

[blasphemousclaw]

he doesn’t like to talk about it

[chiyana]

this is the stupidest crossover possible but I want Tim to make House his doctor

yes that House

why? He needs someone who is very good, will not give up or send Tim out to a different specialist just because his medical condition is difficult, will not be overly concerned about the danger Tim puts himself in, and will lie on Tim's medical records AND to Batman/Bruce Wayne/all of the Bats without hesitation or fear.

House is and will do all of those things without hesitation. He has no shame, no boundaries, he WILL get into a public fight with Bruce Wayne if it means keeping that man out of his patient's (and House's) business. He will help Tim lie to and gaslight the rest of his family without hesitation.

in exchange, Tim is his favorite patient. Not because they get along, necessarily, Tim is a know-it-all little shit and they constantly bicker and House hates how practically every facet of Tim's existence is a lie (and Tim thinks House is a smug know-it-all jackass who is needlessly cruel and callous bc he thinks the world owes him and never delivers just bc he's in pain, news flash a lot of people are in pain and manage not to be assholes) BUT, 1, Tim brings him really interesting cases and problems, and 2, Tim NEVER lies to House about his medical conditions or what he was doing when they happened.

He lies about literally almost everything else under the sun TO everyone else, but he is 100% completely upfront and honest about his medical history and what is going on with him with House.

admittedly it takes a while for House to realize Tim ISN'T lying to him because some of the shit he says is completely insane ("the vigilante thing is pretty obvious but what do you MEAN you got the Apocalypse virus TWICE, AND SURVIVED, AS A FOURTEEN-FIFTEEN YEAR OLD")

but once he realizes Tim doesn't ever lie to him, he becomes House's favorite patient because at least TIM gives him all of the data he needs as best he's able the moment he asks. At least House doesn't have to waste his time following up on bogus information or figuring out the truth, he can just get right into the meat of the medical issue at hand.

also it's so fun to lie directly to Batman's face, know the man knows, and know he can't do anything about it

[greenlaut]

bitter tea & oranges

sequel -> tea & dates

[justaz]

lol arthur realizes with the other knights after watching merlin flirt and being hit with a wave of deja vu: holy shit you asked me out

merlin and the rest of the knights around a campfire after leaving a village bc lancelot and leon somehow started a brawl in the tavern: ???

arthur points at merlin: after valiant! you asked me to buy you a drink! you were asking me out!

merlin is busy cooking dinner and confused out of his fucking mind: what???…..valiant….oh the knight with the snakes.

gwaine who was slightly tipsy now stone cold sober and sitting up straight against a tree: wait. explain. what do you mean merlin asked you out??

arthur snaps his fingers as he recalls the memory: i apologized for sacking you and you said that if i bought you a drink we’d be even.

merlin now remembering how he had stumbled into camelot, picked a fight with a pigheaded bully which quickly turned homoerotic and flirtatious, and continued their teasing-flirting for days before merlin shot his shot and asked the prince out only to be rejected: oh yeah, i forgot i did that…..wait, you mean you didnt realize what i was asking?

arthur: no?? we argued everyday, how was i supposed to realize you were asking me out??

merlin now abandoning the dinner and staring across the camp at arthur while the rest of the knights watch their back and forth like a game of tennis: to you we were arguing, to me that was very much flirting. i thought you were flirting back so i decided to ask you. then you rejected me

arthur, mentally beating his past self up for fucking up their chance: i didn’t reject you!!! i just didn’t realize what you were asking me. how was i meant to? we fought every chance we got

leon, nudging elyan, glee and excitement riling through him: its happening!!! its finally happening!!! seven long, grueling years is finally paying off!!!

merlin, realizing the misunderstanding and acknowledging the fact that he wasn’t rejected, his flirtations just weren’t noticed - realizing he still has a chance: oh…oh i see. arthur, my dear, our fights were extremely flirtatious. need i remind you of what you said? “do you know how to walk on your knees? would you like me to teach you?” or “i could take you apart with one blow”

arthur, mental capabilities at an all time low: m…my dear….?????????

merlin grinning devilishly as he realizes that his flirtatious persona he had hidden away after falling head over heels for arthur can make a come back: that is what i called you. should i call you something else? say…mine?

percival gags in elyan’s ear: cheesy

elyan hides a laugh: at least they’re finally getting somewhere. better than the hopeless pining

arthur, flushed from head to toe: ah uh no um im uh

merlin thoroughly enjoying himself: oh come now, your majesty. use your words.

[whichcouldmeanothing]

“fangs lungs ankles” – Adrianne Lenker

[s0dabeach]

was possessed by the need to draw something related to @jellynut's bill still au it's such a cool au and I'm not normal whenever he posts art of it

also did kind of a comic:

[mimiscappinisideblog]

Me throughout 2020-2021-2022-2023:

Me the moment AO3 has been down for more than ten hours:

[vor-leser]

im kind of struggling with picking colors for my poseidon design, ill probably do a more proper one but look at him!!!

[hinamie]

so just know, I'm healing / even though it don't feel like it

insp

[tea-cat-arts]

Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

[dr-zeddy]