#and that for almost 2 weeks I had been off of the cancellation list and no one had warned me

[belethlegwen]

The Stranding - Chp 73 - Hidden Duality

I was in emergency for 8 hours last night and never got seen by a Doctor, so have a chapter before I go get myself some more sleep to catch up <3

By the time 2am rolled around it had been over an hour and a half since the last person had been called in to be seen, and we had noticed that only the triage nurse and the registration nurse were still there. My province has a wildly concerning lack of Doctors and healthcare professionals right now, and I couldn't wait another 4-5 hours for the next shift change, so we left and went to bed out of it. Hoping I can stave off the worst of the discomfort with over-the-counter medicine until I see my family Doctor on Monday.

Meanwhile, the gang is experiencing some shifts in dynamics that none of them find particularly comfortable as they assess the wreckage of the Swift Landslide. I hope you all enjoy!

Much love and be kind to yourselves <3

~ Belle

[qkopi]

LINK UP (2)

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pairings: prowler! miles x fem! reader

cw: cheating, profanity, TOXIC milo, VERY suggestive (atp it’s light smut🤷🏻‍♀️)

summary: three weeks. you have been meeting up with milo behind miles’ back for three weeks. miles was bound to find out one way, right?

a/n: u guys r gonna hate me @ the end but i’m sorry i had to do it😭🙏🏽 dw i’m like halfway finished i stg and for the ppl who wants to be in my tag list, i’m sorry i js can’t ts takes way too long i can’t🙅🏻‍♀️

pt 1 <- pt 2 -> pt 3

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“miles but-“

“sorry mi vida, just give me a few minutes okay? i’ll be back before you know it!” miles cut you off as he rushed out of the apartment, leaving you disappointed that your date with him was canceled once again.

you wanted to spend the whole day with miles but it looks like you were now going to spend it with milo.

“well..” milo grinned as he walked over to you.

“looks like we’ve got the place to ourselves, huh?” he had a triumphant look in his eyes, and he couldn’t help but show a condescending smile as he spoke.

“milo, stop. im not in the mood.” you sighed, turning away to not face him as you rubbed your temples.

he raised an eyebrow, coming to a stop a few inches behind you, his right knee bumping one of your left’s. he set a hand on your shoulder, grinning at you.

“something goin on, ma?” milo asked in his signature drawl, a small smirk breaking through his facade of apathy.

the last few days, you had been thinking about ending the affair between you and milo. you felt bad for meeting up with him behind miles’ back, but you couldn’t help it, being with milo felt so good that you seemed to forget everything.

but then, the guilt started to eat you up, feeling horrible to miles as he didn’t know anything that has been happening. you were planning to confront milo tonight after spending the day with miles but looks like time had other plans for you.

“you know damn well what’s going on.” you spat out, still not sparing him a glance.

it went on for 3 weeks, almost a month, this affair with milo had to stop before it could lead to more trouble.

milo let his hand fall to his lap, his smile growing as he moved up to you side, his arms wrapping around your waist loosely and his chin resting on your shoulder.

“how did you come to this conclusion?” he teased, chuckling under his breath before kissing your cheek.

“stop.. stop..” you tried to push him off, knowing his affection were your weaknesses, but it only made his grip around you tighter.

he smirked, a few gentle nibbles to your ear earning a grunt out of you.

“nah, im comfortable.” he chuckled, gently nipping at a portion of your earlobe.

“but do tell me more about what’s up.” milo teased, his smirk broadening as your protests were cut off by his playful affection.

“y-you..” you tried to focus on what you were going to say to him but his kisses distracting you.

“me, and?” he whispered into your ear, a small chuckle escaping him as he kissed your cheek again. milo could feel your body shiver at the sensation, his free hand running up your spine.

“and…? speak up, mami.” you couldn’t speak, even if you wanted to, you melted onto his touch as your mind became hazy from his affection.

a chuckle left him as he could hear your breathing grow heavy. it made his smirk grow wider.

“still nothing? aw….” milo teased in your ear, his voice a low whisper as he landed a soft kiss on your cheek once more

he pulled back enough to look down on her, letting her take in a deep breath before speaking again.

“how about now…?”

“w-what? why did you stop?” you asked with confusion contorting up in your face.

“i never stop for long.” he said.

“now are you gonna talk to me, mami, or should I shut you up and keep going?” milo teased, his smirk growing wider.

“keep going..” you mumbled, lowering your head in embarrassment. damn it, this boy knew how to get to me and now, i couldn’t confront him anymore!

milo chuckled, his hands squeezing more at your waist, keeping you tight against him as he laid another kiss on your ear, cheek and, neck, letting you soak in the feeling of his kisses.

“now, tell me about why you’re upset.” he whispered into your ear, the smell of his cologne bringing a faint sense of security to you, his warm breathe heating the side of your head.

“because..” you couldn’t continue talking as you felt his lips on your neck, kissing the one spot that he knows that makes you go feral.

milo chuckled into your ear, his lips finding the soft flesh of your throat and nibbling at it gently as he ran a hand through your hair.

“you’re so cute when you’re flustered.” he teased, pulling back and giving you a gentle smile as his hand returned to your waist.

“go on..”

“you..” you tried to hold onto something as you felt his euphoric touching all over your body.

“me, what?” milo chuckled, nibbling at your earlobe again.

“you can’t keep me guessing forever, mami.” he said, his hands wrapping around your waist again as his mouth stayed near your ear. his hand cupped your chin and slowly pivoted you to face his gaze.

“come on, say it.” milo teased, pulling away with a smirk. his hand ran from your chin to the side of your face, tilting your head so you can see his smirk.

“what’s bugging you?” he gave you a chance to talk.

“we can’t keep doing this, milo.” you finally managed to let him know.

“i can’t keep doing this.” you said sternly, trying to seem serious.

milo froze for a moment, his eyes widening just a little before he broke into a smile.

“you’re still on about that?” he teased, his eyes twinkling playfully as he looked over your face.

“c’mon, mami. doesn’t my affection make it feel worth it?” he teased, his hand running over her cheek.

“yes but..” you began to melt in his touch again.

“no, no! stop.” you softly smacked his hand away, not wanting to fall for his tricks again. you look away from him, sensing that he may distract you to confront him again.

milo didn’t flinch when you smacked his hand away, a smirk gracing his face. a small chuckle left him as one of his hands wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer.

“that never works, mami.” he said, his breath leaving his mouth warm on your skin as he placed a soft kiss on your shoulder.

“you’ll talk eventually…”

“it’s been almost a month, milo.. i can’t keep doing this to miles..” you said, feeling his chest press against your back as he hugged you from behind.

a small chuckle left him as he kissed your neck again, the feeling of his lips against your skin, making you gasp. his free hand squeezed at your waist gently, caressing you while his other held your hip.

“come on, y/n.. what miles doesn’t know won’t hurt him..” he teased, leaning in near your ear and placing another soft kiss in the center of your ear before stepping back.

“milo.. he’s your brother, for gods sake..” milo only smirked, leaning further in.

“yeah, he’s my brother but..” *he chuckled, his hand on your hip squeezing a bit. he looked into your eyes playfully as he kissed your cheek.

“i liked you first.” he teased as he kissed at the other cheek.

“but i’m his girlfriend..” you mumbled under your breath, feeling disappointed at milo and you.

“dont worry, mami.” milo kissed her once more, pulling back.

“besides, if you didn’t like what we have, you would’ve stopped meeting up with me.” his smirk broadened.

“but you didn’t. you know why?” he teased, his voice dropping low, a teasing grin on his face.

“cause you like it..”

“i… i don’t.” you glared at him, trying to appear as if you hated this.

“you sure bout that, ma?” milo smirked as he moved closer towards you. he pressed up against you a little bit more with his hands trailing down your body, caressing you sensually.

“cause if you really didn’t like this shit, then you would’ve stopped from the very beginning.”

your breath hitched, knowing that milo was fully right about what he said, but before you could deny and protest, he had kissed you to shut you up.

milo’s lips were soft and passionate, his body pressing against yours tightly. he didn’t give you a chance to escape as he kissed you deeply and passionately. his hands were slowly trailing down your body as the feeling of his touch made you weak in the knees. you couldn’t resist him, and he knew it. with his touch, he would make you forget about everything else…

milo smirked in the kiss when he felt your arms snaked up to his neck, pulling him even closer. he continued to kiss you passionately, clearly taking advantage of your weakness, but you didn’t care, you were lost in the moment of the kiss. his lips were soft and tender against yours, and you couldn’t help but savor every bite of it. he took it to another level, deepening the kiss and making it more intense.

he was making sure that you forgot about everything else, and focused only on him…

milo then took your legs, wrapping them around his waist as he carried you to his bedroom as the both of you continued making out. he placed you on the bed, and he was already on top of you, kissing you passionately. his lips were gentle yet firm, as they pressed up against yours. he wasn’t going to stop until he had you completely under his control.

the two of you slowly pulled away to catch your breaths as both you and milo looked into each other’s eyes.

milo looked at you intently, as he brushed his fingers through your hair. his eyes had a knowing look in them, as if he could see right through you. he began to nibble on your neck. his hands were already on your blouse, unbuttoning it slowly.

before milo could even get to the 2nd button, milo’s door had suddenly opened, making both you and milo stop.

“milo, have you seen y/n-“ miles immediately stopped as he saw the scene unfold in front of him.

“what the hell..” miles was in disbelief.

™︎ qkopi | tumblr

[iced-coffee-jesus]

9-1-1: Viewership ratings, and how it stacks up to other shows and networks

I've seen some discussion about 9-1-1's ratings falling and people dooming about viewership numbers, and I need y'all to understand that while 9-1-1 is getting viewership numbers in the 4-5 million range per episode, other ABC shows like Grey's Anatomy are only pulling in a little over 2 million this season; before that they were pulling in roughly 3 million for the past several seasons. The Rookie pulled in viewership numbers in the 2-3 million range last season, and has been renewed. Their new show Doctor Odyssey had their highest number for their first episode, 4.23, and last week's episode pulled only 2.78 million viewers.

Now let's compare to some other new/popular shows on other networks. The Young Sheldon spin-off on CBS had it's season premiere and had 6.56 million viewers; I'll be interested to see where their numbers continue to go. Law and Order: SVU on NBC had viewership numbers all consistently in the 4-5 million range last season, and this season that just started airing is pulling in over 3 million viewers per episode.

All this to say, viewership numbers across the board are not what they used to be. Across multiple networks, new and beloved shows, almost nothing is pulling in viewership over 5 million an episode. This is obviously not an exhaustive list, but I think these are some shows that are a good comparison due to being procedures or new. Obviously no show goes on forever, but I certainly don't think 9-1-1 is in danger of being cancelled on ABC with how some of their other shows are performing. All in all, 4-5 million viewers is pretty good numbers for TV. Our numbers aren't even really on the low end as far as network TV goes right now.

I say it with love, but relaaaaaaax <3

EDIT: Everyone re-blogging this and reminding us that 9-1-1 is also competing directly with Thursday Night football, I see you, also very important to note!

[cherrynwinesk]

HII HRU :33 I saw your little Quackity oneshot and LOVED how you narrated it, I wanted to ask if you could write one about a male!s/o (or fem, if you want) x Quackity, male!s/o It's a singer and sings "Once more to see you - Mitski", dedicating indirectly it to Quackity who is watching him among the people with VIP tickets and his fans notice :'3, thx very much!!

🍒: Hii! I'm fine, what about u? Your request has been very cute!

Lights off ~ Quackity

pt.2 here

Story g: sfw/soft

Language: English/Inglés

⚠️: None (?)

CC's: Quackity

Reader g: Male reader

📝: All the content is fictitious and an attempt is made to adapt the PUBLIC personality of the cc's, that is, the personality that is shown in front of cameras, I do not know the true personality and any resemblance to reality is mere coincidence.

🍒: Hello, writing requests are always open, if you want something in particular, ask without fear. I clarify that English is not my main language, I apologize for any error and accept corrections to improve the quality of the content

Master List

The VIP ticket had arrived at Quackity's email, his cell phone vibrated showing the email notification and he immediately opened it, it had taken a while to arrive by the way.

A few weeks ago you had released dates for a tour of the country through Twitter, being part of a small band but with loyal fans, the tickets were sold out.

"The tickets sold out very quickly, I did not get a ticket for your presentation in Los Angeles"

"I'll send you a ticket, leave it to me, I got you"

Quackity and you had been friends for a short time, almost less than two years maybe, you were introduced by Glaive, he being a mutual friend.

The concert in Los Angeles was the last of the tour, appearing in a small auditorium. The team arrived early to prepare the stage, connect cables here and there, countless sound checks and check that everything was in order. Your phone vibrated with a message, it was Quackity

"I will arrive a little bit late"

"A guard will be waiting for you outside'"

The show hadn't started yet and this guy was running late, typical of him, and it wasn't a bother, you knew he was a busy man and you were so grateful that he canceled some plans to come see you sing.

At 8 pm, the auditorium opened its doors giving way to the fans, half an hour later, the concert began. Playing some recent songs and some old ones, interacting with the public.

You felt nervous, but not exactly because of the show, the audience or the fact of making a mistake when singing and playing the guitar at the same time, you had already gone through all this in several cities, it was something normal for you. What made you uncomfortable was that the person who made your stomach tickle was not yet in the VIP area.

As your songs were being played, the nerves to see him again and the fear that he had something else to do combined, you didn't even know which of the two situations made you more nervous.

You had exchanged messages with Quackity many times, he always sent the first message, complimenting your music every time you updated Spotify with a new song, you even got to see him talk about your songs on some of his streams, recommending you.

At no time did you realize that you were feeling those typical butterflies in your stomach every time you saw a message from him, not constant, but the blood rose to your head when you looked at his notifications.

You never really realized it, until one day you caught yourself thinking about Quackity while writing a new song.

You stopped the show to drink some water and clear your throat when the audience started to scream again, you could see the security guard coming down the hall and behind him, a head with a black hat. Your heart started pounding and your stomach warmed.

"Guys, Quackity is here"

You spoke into the microphone, trying to hide your nerves and let him know that you were happy to see him arrive, he reached his place in the VIP area and from there he greeted you with his big smile and a wave of his hand.

You felt your cheeks burn, and the immense need to smile without control, but you had to continue with the concert. A couple more songs, cheering the crowd up with a few jokes, nearing the end of the show, the last song that would be played was the song you caught yourself thinking about Quackity on. A cover more than anything, and that you decided to add only for the presentation of Los Angeles

"For this song I need the lights off"

"Once more to see you" by Mitski had crossed your mind so many times when you knew that Quackity would be present, you had a long time without seeing him face to face.

"But with everyone watching us, our every move

We do have reputations

We keep it secret

Won't let them have it"

Present in front of so many people, feeling like you were naked in front of everyone cause of what you were doing, singing to him like there was something between you.

Did you even know what his current sexuality was, did Quackity like men? Would you have a chance? Wasn't this very selfish of you? Thinking only of your feelings, not knowing what Quackity thinks of you. Would Quackity be able to tarnish his reputation?

"Then I wouldn't have to scream your name

Atop of every roof in the city of my heart

If I could see you

Once more to see you"

Looking in his direction, Quackity was just looking at you, not moving from his place, attentive to you, as if he could sense that this is directed at him.

Quackity was only thinking about how beautiful you sang, admiring the tone of your voice, paying attention to the lyrics of the song and deciphering the reason why you only presented this cover today.

You finished the show, the audience was starting to leave, and you walked up to Quackity to say hello, hugging each other for the long time they hadn't seen each other.

"The concert was very nice"

Over the next few days, fan-taken videos circulated all over Twitter, especially the one of your performance of "Once more to see you."

'he sang it for Quackity' 'he was looking at Quackity while he sang' 'y/n is in love with Quackity' 'Quackity didn't take his nap to go see y/n'

Thousands of similar comments circulated along with the videos, initially scaring you for being so obvious and making someone uncomfortable with your impulses, but then you just thought Quackity would take this as a fan joke. You didn't talk about it, you just left it as a joke and that was it.

At night you got a text, it was Quackity again;

"I just want to know if everything that is circulating on the internet is true..."

[chellerbelles]

Rogue & Gambit Fanworks Week 2024

Day 7: Reunion & Power/Role Swap or No Powers AU

The race is on! Can I finished this story in time? Or will my daily posting streak be broken? Dun dun dunnnnn!

I only have one more chapter left to write, although it's possible that it might get split into 2. Only one way to find out!

The Reunion prompt is on my "One-shots" list. I had ideas, but nothing of substance, which was a tad frustrating. However, the scene between Elder Rogue & Elder Gambit in chapter 2 could work for a twisted version of a reunion.

Below the cut is the Power Swap prompt.

Swapped universe

Rogue sat in the garden of the Xavier estate, staring at nothing in particular, her mind a million miles away. She knew it was only a matter of time before Mystique came looking for her, and she just didn’t know what she was going to say to her. She only knew she didn’t want to go back. The things that the Brotherhood did were wearing her down, nagging at her conscience, and making her feel like she was just a store of C4 to her colleagues.

So caught up in her own thoughts, she almost didn’t notice the moment when Gambit sat down next to her. She didn’t turn her head, but her eyes did flicker to the customary black gloves he always wore. She bet he had the softest hands.

“How’d it go?” she asked.

“I just got the most amazing news,” Gambit said, his voice matching his words. “The wedding has been cancelled.”

Rogue jerked her head up and caught his gaze. There was no mistaking the delight in them.

“Cancelled?” she asked. “Guild war?”

Gambit shook his head. “They’ve been working on a contingency plan, just in case I didn’t get control by the deadline. They’ve decided that the contingency plan is a better plan than the wedding, so they’re going to move forward with that.”

“That’s incredible. Why didn’t they do that in the first place?”

He shrugged. “Didn’t occur to them? At this point, I don’t care. I’m just relieved the pressure is finally off.” He gave a huge sigh.

“Yeah, I bet you are,” Rogue replied, and slid across the bench to close the gap. “Plus, it’s nice to know you’re officially back on the market, sugar.”

Gambit paused and looked down at the total lack of a gap between them. “Chere, haven’t I absorbed you enough already?”

“Oh, probably. But I think I wouldn’t mind finding some more creative ways to be absorbed. We don’t always have to be fighting, you know.”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he said, pulling away from her. “I didn’t even know when you’d wake up from that last coma.”

“I’m not saying we have to start on the first date. A lady wants to be wooed first.”

“Chere—”

“I expect the gentleman wanted to be wooed too.”

[saiilorstars]

Ch. 30: The Rogue BAU

[Story Masterlist] // [Aitana’s Masterlist]

Fandom: Criminal Minds // Pairing: Spencer Reid x OFC

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag​​​​​ @arrthurpendragon​​​​​ @anotherunreadblog​​​​​ @maaaaarveeeeel​​​​​ @stareyedplanet​​​​​ @averyhotchner​​​​​​ @foxesandmagic @kmc1989 @midmourn​​​​​​

If you’d like to be a part of Aitana’s taglist, please let me know!

Also available on Fanfic ○ Ao3 ○ Wattpad

Aitana knew when she was being kept out of a loop. Being the youngest and with 2 brothers gave her a lot of experience. Growing up, Mateo and Angel always had little secret games that she wasn't included in for whatever stupid reason they had. But, she supposed that now it gave her an upper hand for these types of situations. She knew the signs perfectly.

Penelope was extra dodgy in the coming weeks. Lunches were cancelled suddenly and with a stammering ramble of an excuse. For Penelope's own sake, Aitana didn't push very much. Penelope didn't tend to keep secrets for fun. It was usually more out of need and because it wasn't her own.

Penelope Garcia was the worst at keeping secrets so whoever had trusted her with the secret in the first place had to know that no matter what, she wouldn't tell which meant that person had to be extremely close to her. They had to know her completely. That left Aitana with a very small list of suspects. She truly doubted Hotch and Rossi would entrust her with something big and personal knowing that she would eventually crack. That left Morgan, Spencer and JJ. Morgan was a little harder to be around with so she paid extra close attention to both Spencer and JJ whenever she came over to JJ's house for a study session. Neither really acted out of the ordinary.

"Hey, if you guys don't get a case, maybe we can do a little get together on Sunday?" She oh-so-casually suggested one evening after another successful tutoring session.

JJ was coming back to the table with a fresh round of coffee for the trio. "That sounds great. What are we thinking? Morning, evening?"

"How about lunch?" Aitana offered. That was right in the middle of the day. If they had Sunday off, they would be able to come unless they had some secret things to do. "We can have lunch at Angel's restaurant. Big discount for sure."

JJ agreed with a hum. "I like it! Spence?"

"Sounds good to me too," Spencer nodded. "A little reunion."

Aitana took notice of how easily the pair gave into the offer. She was very close to letting her suspicions go but she would need to wait until Sunday to be really sure. "Great, tell the others please. I would love to see them."

The plans were set that very night. Come Sunday, Aitana showed up at the restaurant near noon. Angel had already reserved them a large table to accommodate the entire team. Little by little, they started showing up.

Penelope was front and center, making herself known by complimenting practically every part of the restaurant. "It's just so lively and colorful!" she giggled.

Aitana chuckled. It was hard to believe that this was the woman who was holding a big secret. "I don't like to brag but I did help decorate."

"Right," Penelope said, her smile faltering slightly, "You and your—"

"Hey, hey," Morgan was the second to arrive, all smiles and full of hugs. "Been a while, Sprinkles."

"Yeah, I know," Aitana agreed. "You guys haven't fallen apart right?"

"Oh you know, not yet," Morgan said, pulling out seats for both her and Penelope. "But we are a little short-handed at the BAU. JJ still has to leave every once in a while for her classes."

"She's almost done though, that's what I heard," Aitana remarked. "I talk to her a little more."

Before Morgan could no doubt act dramatically offended, JJ herself and Spencer walked into the restaurant. They easily found the table and came to give hugs and greetings, including Spencer.

"I love this place," JJ said, still gazing about when she took a seat next to Morgan.

"Is that a mural?" Spencer noted the old style mural painted on the wall to their right. It had several people drawn in a ranch-like landscape, both men and women wearing traditional Mexican clothing.

Aitana nodded. "Yeah, Angel found professionals to do it. Thought it would give it a homey effect. I told him I would gladly draw a couple figures myself but apparently I wasn't talented enough with my stick figures."

"You know, Mexican muralism is a big predecessor of today's common art. The idea that anybody could create art on a simple wall of a public place helped liberate art from elitism and the art market's clutches. The murals were free to be seen by anyone!"

"Glad to have you around, Spencer," Aitana chuckled, patting his shoulder. She wanted to be funny and it went right over his head. At least she learned something new out of it. "It's good to have you guys all around again. Missed you all. It's hard staying in contact when you're all over the map."

"And because you're studying your little head off!" Penelope bopped the top of Aitana's head. "JJ's told me all the study sessions you've been having at her place."

"Yeah, and I will find a way to make up for that," Aitana promised JJ who merely waved a hand at it.

"Please, half the time it's Spencer doing all the talking," she said. "Actually, it's most of the time. Not surprising I'd be outdone by the genius."

Spencer smiled sheepishly, but a part of him wanted to wipe the curious glance off Morgan's face.

"So...you're doing the study sessions then, Pretty Boy?" He asked, gracing the group with what promised to be a wide teasing smirk.

"More like he's helping a hopeless case," Aitana stepped in without even knowing it. "I feel bad most of the time for wasting his time."

"Oh I'm sure he doesn't mind," Morgan remarked, barely holding it together when Spencer threw him a hard glare.

"Still," Aitana said, smiling lightly, "I'll feel better when I can manage on my own."

As much as Spencer didn't want to fuel more of Morgan's teasing, he couldn't let Aitana walk around with the idea that she was being a bother to him. He liked their study sessions, whether or not JJ was always present. The sole reason he was at JJ's in the first place was to cry his eyes out and Aitana, without even knowing it, had been helping him ease through his emotions of Emily's passing. He looked forward to meeting her sometimes, especially when it was unexpected.

"I'll always help if I can," he told Aitana, reassuring her with a friendly smile.

"Which means every time," JJ said, though whether it was to help solidify his intelligence or to simply aid Morgan in his teasing was unclear for Spencer.

"Oh, there's Rossi!" Aitana exclaimed when the older man walked in.

"Well hello," he greeted the group, "Fancy meeting you all here. Aitana." She received a special hug from him. "How are you?"

"Good, thanks for coming," she said, motioning him to the empty seats between JJ and Spencer. "Guessing Hotch is still out in Pakistan?"

"You would be right," Rossi pointed. "But of course he sends his hellos."

"So you guys really are shorthanded," Aitana said, truly realizing it at that moment. She was gone, Hotch was gone, Seaver was gone, Emily gone…

"Strauss is breathing down my neck thanks to Hotch's temporary leave," Rossi said, already perusing the menu in front of him. "What kind of wine do you guys have and which one is the strongest?"

Aitana snickered along with the others. "You know, Strauss kinda scares me. Last time we met she warned me my position was temporary. And she did get what she wanted in the end."

"She's kicking herself for it, I promise you," Rossi said, giving Aitana a meaningful look. "Don't think I won't talk you up if this keeps going."

Aitana flushed. "Well, nice to know I've been missed. So, what's been going on at the BAU then? When I say it's been hard to get in contact with some of you, I really mean it."

"We've just had some tough cases," Penelope was the first and by the far quickest to respond. Subtle was never her thing.

"Aren't they always tough?"

"Lately, every case...feels tough…" Morgan said, eyes focusing way too hard on the menu.

Aitana watched them as casually as possible. It was actually funny how hard they were trying to be casual. It was foolproof to anyone who wasn't a profiler and even though Aitana wasn't working as one, she still had the talent of one. "You guys are understaffed. Sorry about that."

"Nah, it's not your fault," Morgan flashed her a smile over the menu. "Just like Seaver, you felt like you had to do something important."

"Yeah, but, now you guys seem to be at your wits end with all the extra work. And if you say that the cases seem even worse than before than..."

"They're not," Spencer was quick to say. "We're just...taking some time to get used to our new dynamic."

Aitana silently looked between him and Morgan. The former was too casual and Morgan just seemed tensed the more the conversation progressed. "I mean...I can help," she started to say, "I'm not working so—"

"We're good, we're all good, sweets!" Penelope exclaimed. "You just focus on your schoolwork! We're all so proud of you for making the big decision!"

Aitana smiled at all the encouraging faces of her friends. "Thanks. It, um, hasn't been that easy, I'll be honest...though I guess some of you guys already know that. Sorry to JJ and Spencer."

"All good," JJ promised her. "I don't mind and I know Spencer doesn't mind helping either."

"I don't," agreed Spencer. "Besides, I spend a lot of time at JJ's place anyways. Might as well be more useful."

"You always are," chuckled Aitana. "Half the quizzes I've taken so far have been easy because of your help. I'm telling you that you need to have a service fee." She looked at the rest of the team with an incredulous face. "He does it all for free! He would make a fortune with a side hustle of tutoring."

Spencer couldn't help the flush on his face as she went on about him. It wasn't very often that someone complimented him without adding in a joke somewhere in-between. Sure most of the jokes weren't made with bad intentions but it was nice hearing one person be able to appreciate his talents without having to make fun of him for it.

He didn't mind at all helping Aitana out. She didn't realize it but she provided another means of distraction. He spent a lot of time at JJ's when they weren't working. He did whatever he could to help around and be as useful as possible. He wanted to feel happy again, not the kind of person who was in mourning all the time. JJ saw it and so she tended to treat him like a fragile thing. Aitana, bless her heart, wasn't anywhere near the BAU right now so she didn't know what was going on. She treated him like she normally would. She laughed with him, made him laugh too. Her schoolwork was the perfect distraction for him. He got the opportunity to teach and along the way spent time with someone really great.

~ 0 ~

It would be a couple more months until Aitana had concrete evidence that the team's secret actually existed. With the busy days between schoolwork and, surprisingly, dance classes she couldn't keep her eyes on the team as much as she would've wanted. After the dinner she had with them, she came to the conclusion that Penelope definitely knew something was going on and the only reason she hadn't told anyone was because the secret wasn't hers to tell. Morgan had to have told her at some point. It made absolute sense. Penelope would never tell a secret if it meant a lot to Morgan.

It was during one of her dance classes where Aitana discovered that she had a lot of missed calls from none other than Erin Strauss. She couldn't possibly answer or return any calls during class so that just made the remainder of the hour feel agonizingly long. She hadn't really spoken to Strauss since she quit the FBI and, truthfully, she was still wary of Strauss altogether.

"What's the matter, Aitana? You're usually focused." Her new partner, Diego, remarked after failing to make a synchronized turn. Aitana had come in too slowly.

"How would you know that?" she joked as they retook their positions. "You've only known me for 4 months."

Diego pushed his shaggy blonde hair from his forehead and smiled at Aitana. "I've heard loads of you from the others." They both glanced in their mutual friends' way. Layla, Franco, Valeria and Alex had gone through a lot of trouble setting them up for the class. "They swear you're the expert."

Aitana snorted. "I don't know about 'expert'..."

"Anything wrong?"

"I'm not sure, I have to wait for another twenty minutes," Aitana said after sparing a glance at the clock hanging on the wall.

She tried her best to focus on the dances and the teacher's advice but her mind kept wandering to Strauss and the BAU. What on earth could Strauss want her for? She was the one who gave her the ultimatum in the first place.

Maybe they're in trouble, Aitana thought for the next 20 minutes. She couldn't see the class ending any sooner. As soon as they were let go, she dashed to get changed and get the hell out of the studio.

She dialed Strauss back and to her surprise, the woman answered on the second ring. "Serrano?"

"Y-yes, this is her," Aitana made her way to her car parked outside the studio. "Is there something—"

"Report yourself to the BAU immediately if you still value the relationships you made with the team." Strauss gave no other clue as to what was happening before hanging up.

Aitana blinked at her phone, eyes wide in shock and possible fear. What the hell was that about?

She may have committed a few speeding violations after that, but she was in Quantico in record time. Dressed absolutely out of regulations, and with hair that couldn't possibly be more unruly, she entered the FBI building. She didn't even pay attention to the visitor's badge burning her chest, this time nothing mattered until she saw that everyone was okay.

Strauss was waiting in her office when Aitana arrived. "Close the door," she prompted the brunette.

Aitana did as told and walked further inside, albeit cautiously. "I don't understand why you would call me out of all people. Has something happened to the others?" Those left, anyways. "Are they alright?"

Strauss' face remained stoic, making it impossible for Aitana to deduce what the hell she could've been called for. Or maybe your profiling skills are out of practice right now, she chastised herself. No, it was the fact that it was about her friends that made it hard to keep focused. It was true what they said: never work a case that was too close to home.

"You could say they're in danger, alright," Strauss finally spoke but even then Aitana was holding her breath for fear of what was coming. "Not in physical danger, although that is part of the reason they are where they are now."

"I don't understand," Aitana said, "What...where are they now?"

"Hotchner and his entire team have been, until further notice, suspended."

Aitana's eyes widened slightly. "Hotch is back?" She was way behind on news. Then again, neither JJ nor Spencer mentioned anything of the sort.

Strauss, however, was studying the brunette, trying to decide whether or not Aitana was being honest. "Nobody mentioned anything?" she asked in the end, preferring to do it face to face.

"Mention what?"

"What they were doing for the past 6 months? Or what they did only a few days ago?"

"I...I don't understand, what did they do?" Aitana slowly slid into the open chair across Strauss.

Strauss' eyes looked Aitana over one more time, finally deciding. "You might not believe it, but you leaving the BAU was the best choice you could've made for yourself."

Aitana's eyebrows furrowed. That was a stark change in subjects. "Oh, well, kudos to me, I guess?"

Strauss smiled slightly. "Because I know for a fact that you are the only one out of the entire BAU team who wasn't an accomplice in the illegal manhunt for Ian Doyle, as well as his death."

Aitana's mouth could have hit the ground at that moment. "Excuse me?" Strauss gave a nod of her head, confirming that, yes, she really did just say that. "What do you...they...he's dead?"

"Very," Strauss said. "And your ex-team is responsible for it. They're currently facing possible expulsion from the FBI. I don't honestly know whether or not they'll make it out, clean free."

Aitana leaned against her chair, hand coming to rest over her chest. "I can't believe it. Nobody told me anything. I...I just saw them — well, I saw Spencer and JJ two days ago. They didn't tell me anything." For a moment, she felt a strike of anger. How could they not tell her something like this?

"Clearly," Strauss remarked. Aitana met the woman's eyes. "But, like I said, your timely departure from the BAU saved you. Because I have no doubt that you would've taken part in this fiasco."

Aitana chewed on the inside of her cheek. Yeah, she would've definitely helped to find Doyle. Which is why she was sure she was slightly angry with them for keeping it from her.

"Especially if Emily Prentiss was alive and practically helped lead the whole thing."

Aitana froze altogether. For a moment, she thought her ears had gone all weird on her. "Hold on — what!? Did you just say—?"

Strauss nodded. "Yes. Emily Prentiss is alive. She was put in an emergency specialized witness protection. She's alive and well, and also facing charges…"

Aitana had no idea what kind of noise she had let out but Strauss didn't make a comment about it. "She's...she's ali…" She couldn't string her words together. Even her mind was going too fast to think of anything coherently. All the tears, the funeral, the mourning —it wasn't real. "She's been alive this whole time..." she whispered. For some reason, her thoughts went to Spencer who seemed, in her opinion, to have taken Emily's death worse than everyone else. How had he felt when he learned the truth?

"Miss Serrano, given the circumstances, you can understand the BAU hasn't functioned in the past week. The cases are piling in what used to be your old office. For the time being, I myself am overseeing the team's upcoming hearing. I don't have the time, nor the skills as I learned in the past, to go through these cases."

Aitana nodded, so far she understood.

"Agent Rossi has spoken very highly of you these past months, and despite his terrible conduct in this manhunt, I do value his opinions on people. That, plus knowing that you are the only member who remained abstinent of the situation, makes it easier for me to offer you a position within the BAU."

Aitana's eyes widened to the brim. "You're wha—"

"This time, however, the position would be as a profiler. You will dabble in the liaison duties until the team is either reinstated and Hotchner can take over, or until I find new candidates to make up a new team."

"New team!?" Aitana exclaimed incredulously. "What do you mean 'new team'? You can't make a 'new' team! They're—"

"If the team is indeed fired, I will need to search for new employees," Strauss said sternly. "I would like to have at least one familiar face on board."

"I won't want to work with a whole new team," Aitana said too quickly for Strauss' patience.

"Serrano, you won't always expect to work with the same people, especially in the FBI. You know that!"

"Yes, but what I meant to say is this team, if they're disbanded, it wouldn't be fair. What they did, whatever they did, it was no doubt to help Emily. If they're fired, it would be unjust. How could I agree to work knowing that?"

"Because this is exactly what you were going back to school for, wasn't it?" Strauss remarked. "Given what I know of the team, they wouldn't be happy knowing you gave up a position you wanted so badly that you quit to go back to school for it."

Aitana scrunched her face. "Okay, maybe—"

"Serrano, like me, I know they would want somebody who knows the place working it until they get back."

"If they get back," Aitana reminded her.

"Either way, I need someone to work now," Strauss tapped a finger on her desk. "Profiler. Liaison. You'll have a mighty time getting through the files."

"And when the directors make their decision?"

"We can work it out, then," Strauss said, "Though the profiling position is permanent, if you're interested. We are severely short on staff."

Aitana drew in a breath to calm her nerves. She was sure her blood pressure was off the charts right now. There was way too much new information to process and she could feel her emotions getting in the way. She was astonished with the way the team kept this whole thing under wraps, even from her. But she was also over the moon to find out that Emily wasn't gone. She was still here — somewhere — breathing. And, she admitted only to herself, she was very happy to know that Ian Doyle wasn't breathing anymore. May God forgive her but that man deserved it.

"Serrano? I'm waiting," Strauss said.

"I'm going to school," Aitana said, sounding like she was just remembering that detail. It had only been the biggest thing going on in her life right now. Her eyes met Strauss. "I'm not quitting school," she warned.

"Yes, I kn—"

"I'm not stopping, which means that I am going to need, on occasion, time off to complete assignments and attend my hybrid classes." Strauss nodded but she failed to see that Aitana was not done. "It's a two year program, crash course, and when I graduate, because I will graduate, I want to officially put my papers for the original job I had here."

Strauss lifted an eyebrow at her, fairly bemused. "You want the split position? Permanently? That's double the tasks."

"I know, but I want it. Before coming to the BAU, I didn't know where I was going to fit. I had the profiling classes to back me up but I never really got to work it, you know? Now I know that I was born to do both. And that's what I want. That's my condition to work here again."

Strauss levelled Aitana's look with her own, evaluating the brunette until somebody was to crack. It was not Aitana.

"Alright," Strauss said in the end, never knowing that Aitana released her breath, "For now, I can only officially grant you the profiler's position and salary. You can work the liaison until the team's future is situated but afterwards, you will not be paid for it therefore you don't need to work it. Is that clear?"

Aitana gave an affirmative nod. Her lips curled into a big smile. "Yes."

"Very well. Welcome back to the BAU, Agent Serrano."

~ 0 ~

For a few days, Aitana kept to herself. She didn't even tell her family she was working in the FBI again and she certainly didn't tell the team either. She was angry. Once she allowed herself to admit it freely, she felt more capable of seeing them again. She had received a few texts from JJ asking if she was coming over like she usually did to have study sessions with Spencer. Ironically enough, Spencer had not messaged her at all. Once Aitana visited JJ, she found out why.

"He's angry at you for lying to us," Aitana let out a breath at the kitchen table. "Well, I can't say I blame him."

JJ lowered her head in shame. "I know," she sighed. "But I really couldn't say anything to anyone. It was for Emily's safety."

"We could have helped," Aitana said, unknowingly sounding like Morgan who had told JJ the same thing. "We would've done everything to keep her safe, even if it meant putting her on a plane to go a thousand miles from her."

"I know," JJ said again. "But we didn't do it. I can't change it and truthfully even if I wanted to, my bosses wouldn't have let it. They didn't even let Hotch do it and he's unit chief. Aitana, please, I'm sorry."

Aitana shook her head. "I'm still pissed," she muttered, "But I'm glad to know that Emily is alive. Strauss said that she's part of this whole manhunt thing too."

"She was, it's...it was complicated," JJ said. "We're all in the doghouse and I don't even technically work for the BAU again. Go figure."

"What'd you expect? A slap on the wrist?" Aitana raised an eyebrow at the woman. "This is serious. Strauss offered me a position again in the BAU because of how screwed you guys are. She's looking for replacements just in case you all do get fired."

JJ nodded. They had been warned about that on the day they were suspended. "We know."

"The cases are piling up," Aitana continued. "My office — your office — looks like an avalanche of files is about to come crashing down. You all need to make this right and come back. I told Strauss I wasn't going to stick around if the team didn't come back."

JJ half smiled at the gesture. She was sure it would make the others smile too. "You should work there if you want to, Aitana. Don't leave just because of our mistakes."

"But they weren't mistakes," Aitana sighed, "They weren't, no matter how screwed you guys are. Ian Doyle was a terrible man and if he was going to hurt others...then you guys did what you had to. I just don't appreciate having been kept out of it. I would have helped."

"I'm sorry," JJ reiterated.

Aitana thought the woman had suffered enough and assured her that it was going to be fine. "So," she looked back into the living room from her seat, "I take it Spencer hasn't been around anymore?"

"Mm..." JJ swayed her head, "He is currently not talking to me. In fact, he's currently hating my guts."

"He's angry," Aitana said with a light shrug of her shoulders, "He was having the worst time getting past it and now he finds out that—"

"His best friend was lying to his face," JJ let her head hang back. "I know. I'm horrible."

"You're not, JJ."

"He thinks that I am and that hurts. I've tried calling him, texting him, I even tried visiting him and he just shuts me out. I don't know what to do."

Aitana sympathized with JJ and for that reason she offered to try and talk to Spencer for her. At the end of the day, what JJ said was true. The choice had not been hers to keep Emily's secret. Her hands were tied.

"You don't have to do that, Aitana," JJ said, but Aitana was adamant to at least try.

So, the next day, Aitana did what she could and went over to Spencer's place. She knocked on the door several times but nobody answered.

"Spencer, it's me, open up!" she decided to call before knocking again. A few minutes passed by and she heard the shuffling of feet on the other side. She stepped back just as the door opened. "Hi!" She raised a pink box in her hand. "Breakfast?"

A short while later, she and Spencer were sitting on the couch together sharing a pink box of donuts.

"You did not have to come all the way over here, Aitana," Spencer said, barely side-glancing her. He couldn't really look at her at the moment and it was out of guilt and embarrassment.

"I had to," Aitana shrugged. "You canceled our study sessions."

"I'm so—"

"Chill, Spencer, it's a joke." Because Aitana knew that on a good day Spencer didn't understand sarcasm very well which meant that right now it was an even worse time to go for it. "I wanted to know how you were doing."

"You know," Spencer realized. He bowed his head.

"I got an interesting call from Strauss who, by the way, has offered me a position at the BAU again while the team is, um, suspended." Aitana flashed a him a smile. "Naturally, I had to find out from the source. I spoke to JJ."

At the mention of her name, Spencer took an even bigger bite of his donut. Aitana watched him try to chew his way through it.

"Spencer, you know it wasn't her fault, right?" she said gently. "Her hands were literally tied."

Spencer swallowed with a strain. "I'd rather not talk about her, if that's okay," he muttered. He wiped the corners of his mouth with one of the napkins from the box. "I think I owe you an apology instead."

"Me?" Aitana chuckled. "Thanks but I don't think I need one. I would rather you go see JJ—"

"No," Spencer said adamantly. "I don't want to see her."

"Spencer—"

"I would rather help you out with your work because I know that I just dropped it without even a warning—"

"No, Spencer, wait—" Aitana failed to sit him back down on the couch.

"I actually found a book that you might like..." He had gone to his bedroom. "It was published in 1936 but I think it's still pretty relevant in today's world..."

Aitana stood up from the couch and dusted off the donut crumbs from her blouse. "That's very nice of you but I believe we were talking about you and—"

But Spencer had come back with a book in his hand and a genuine smile that didn't let Aitana finish. "Here," he offered the book to her.

Aitana made sure her hands were clean by wiping them on her jeans. She didn't want to leave any kind of donut fingerprint on it. "Alright, let's see it..."

'How to Win Friends & Influence People' was written on the cover.

"Mm..." Aitana raised an eyebrow at Spencer, "Are you trying to tell me something here?"

For the first time in days, Spencer chuckled. "No, no, I swear...I...it's a good book for communication."

"If you say so," Aitana opened the book for a quick skim of the pages. "Well, thank you for this. I promise I'll take care of it and return it in tip-top condition."

"It's yours," Spencer told her, something that she didn't quite accept at first.

"You used your money on this, I can't just take—"

"Take it," Spencer reiterated. "Look at it as an apology for blowing you off these days."

"Spencer, I'm not mad at you," Aitana said, lowering the book to the coffee table. "I get it. I get it because I was angry too in the beginning. But trust me, you do not need to buy me books — or anything else for that matter — to get on my good side."

It seemed like Spencer was going to say something but someone knocked on the door. It didn't look like Spencer had any intention of opening, much less see who it was, until they heard Morgan's voice on the other side. Even then, Spencer was reluctant to answer right-away.

"I can do it," Aitana offered, inadvertently pushing him to go to the door.

When he opened up, Morgan walked right in. "It's about time you answered. What, you w—" He stopped at the sight of Aitana in the middle of the living room. "Well, hello there, Sprinkles. Been a while."

Aitana sheepishly smiled at him. "Guess so. How's suspension treating you?"

Morgan raised a brow at her. "Oh, so you're informed." His eyes shifted towards Spencer.

"It was Strauss," Aitana said. "I know everything which is why I'm here, checking up on you guys."

"Oh, so you were going to make house visits today?" Morgan eyed the pink box on the couch and recognized it immediately. "Ah, are we all getting donuts today, then?"

Aitana rolled her eyes playfully. "Take one, Morgan. But it's not a treat," she warned as he happily went for the box. "You and everyone else are in deep trouble for all this shit."

"Well, if I get donuts, I'll be just fine." Morgan took the time to flash a specific smirk at Spencer. The latter flushed and thanked God that Aitana had gone to grab the book off the coffee table.

"Lay low, will you?" she said to both. She came by the couch to grab her purse. "Meanwhile, I will read this book and get it back to you, Spencer, soon. Promise."

"Take your time," he said, "And thanks for stopping by. I'm happy to help you study again too."

"Uuh, you know what? Why don't we leave that for when you're feeling 110% again, hm?"

"I'm fine, I sw—"

"Nope," Aitana wagged a finger at him. "Can't have you running around if you're not working at full capacity. I mean, I know that even on your 60%, you're still gonna be working better than me at my 100% but that's beside the point." She smiled at him. "Laugh, Dr. Reid, that was another joke." She chuckled to herself and headed for the door, bidding goodbye.

Morgan simply waited to finish his donut before he started commenting on what he thought he saw. Spencer would have rather he stayed away like the rest of the team.

[verfound]

FIC: Coffee Shop Soundtrack: 8/11 (MLB; Luka)

Notes: Hey, uh��wasn’t Luka supposed to be off this Saturday…?

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7

Coffee Shop Soundtrack

Chapter Eight: That Saturday He (Almost) Blew It

Time can get weird when something upsets your routine, and Luka’s routine had been upset for a while now.  Injuring his hands and being told he needed to take a day or two off work didn’t help things.  Neither did not being able to hold his guitar and play during band practice (or play at all), though as their drummer had had a family emergency and the bassist had come down with the flu the lead had cancelled their weekly practice anyway.  With his hands messed up, he couldn’t even commit to his standing slot at open mic night, so even though he was allowed to work Friday (“Just the register, Couffaine, and I want you gloved at all times!”) he didn’t linger after to play or watch the other acts.

(Which was a shame, Elise would tell him later: Baby Bob Ross had returned, and he’d played two renditions of “Wonderwall” this time.

“Your hands better be better by next Friday,” Elise grumbled as he laughed.  “I’m going to kill that kid if he shows up three weeks in a row with the same song.  With that song.”

He couldn’t really blame her.  As much as he loved music, he’d kill anyone who’s entire set list was three different arrangements of “Wonderwall”, too.)

[davekat-sucks]

Something fascinating I realized is that it has been almost 3 weeks since the last Beyond Canon update! If I can recall, the previous mini-update was on August 23rd, a Friday. From where I am tomorrow will be September 13th, 3 weeks!

So I now speculate this large gap of time (longer than the 2 week waiting period) may be for various reasons, and because I don’t follow James Roach on Twitter.

In my speculation, I will order my ideas from most likely to least likely, with the first reason being most probable, and the last reason being more a fanstasy than reality.

So Beyond Canon’s update has been delayed probably because:

1. James Roach had to attend to personal business with family or his individual life, which you should prioritize over a webcomic.

2. The last Vriska VN updates will come out in a bundle, and the planned release date is the 1 year anniversary of the comic’s return, 10/8/24

3. The team is taking a break from work stress and is using their vacation days to do fall stuff like pick apples from an orchard.

4. Members of James’s team have been moved to the Hiveswap development team by request from Whatpumpkin to the HICU and James is hiring new members for writing and art.

5. The comic is going on a long Hiatus again, similar to when the old Beyond Canon team packed up their stuff and had the comic in stasis for 2 years and 9 months. It’s likely no one would try to pick up the comic where it left off a second time, considering even the fandom’s favorite music producer and competent guy James Roach could run the comic for an even shorter period of time than the much less beloved and much more volatile old team. Thus, Homestuck: Beyond Canon would be soft cancelled.

Remembering how there was a job listing for Act 3 as well, I wouldn't be surprised that James Roach was involved with that process as well to recruit new team members. I can definitely see the last Vriska VN update be on the anniversary BC/HS2 started. There are only two sections left for Vriska redemption arc. If they aren't ending it off with some epic flash video, then that means the final update will fall on October 8th. The polls on Patreon show though they won't update the story that quickly after finishing Act 1, they will still make illustrations/art pieces for the Patreon supporters. So the Patreon won't exactly be closed by the time they take their break. There is also the fact that the Karkat plushie on Makeship, the official campaign will be released on September 16th. So if things Patreon funds can't help for Beyond Canon or Hiveswap Act 3, then this is the safety net to rely on.

[elizabethplaid]

a fair number of notes - june 19th, 2024

-- Good counseling session today. Relayed some of the theories and conversations I've had with my dad and phone-friend. She noted that I expressed a lot less guilt than I used to, in previous years, regarding these "down swings".

-- Dad picked up Rx meds and a Dunkin drink for me. Came home right before counseling started, so I took comfort in my frozen drink.

-- Dad also installed the AC window unit in my bedroom. It was 93F today, so it's been very handy. The hottest it's been otherwise lately were a couple days of 84F.

-- After a post-counseling nap, we went to the grocery store. First time driving the "new" car, aside from just backing up in the driveway. It feels good, spacious; thin seat belt is unnerving.

-- --- Snagged some of my sparkling water and novelty sodas. Our main goal was our usual 2L sodas and a cucumber for pasta salad tonight. Ugh, just realized I forgot to get ice cream.

-- --- Dad messed with the AC controls, within 2 miles of driving home. I didn't say anything to stop him, because I thought we'd be home really quick. Nah, fuckin' distracting. Had to move the vents off me really really quick. I can't remember our exact words, but he apologized for being distracting. I said something to the effect of, "When I'm feeling this bad, pushing myself like this, everything is a distraction."

-- --- Really, I thought I felt okay until the air flow changed. When it did, I realized how thin a grip I had on things. But I had been confident and handled a lot of stimuli very well. And I'm still in good spirits!

-- For this excursion, I felt happy enough to throw on my jewelry, jeans, and one of my new bras. It fits well for the band, but the cups are small and squish me flat. Not bad for a lounging bra, especially for $10. It's comfy enough.

-- --- It's been almost 2 weeks, but I haven't cut off the tags from my new clothe yet. Need to do that and throw them in a load of cold laundry. Need to do laundry in general.

-- --- My goal is to do a bunch of little cleaning chores, bit by bit. Just clean the sink in one visit; clean something else in the next, etc. I'm tempted to make a list, to better organize my thoughts. But I'm already nibbling at things, so... I don't really -need- to make a list.

=========

-- Phone friend is fighting really bad allergies. They work outdoors, and the pollen provoked a really strong migraine. We've already discussed cautions of heat versus meds, staying hydrated, trying to stave off migraines. They've switched to new eye drops, and it seems to be helping.

-- --- Feeling sick and fatigued, we had to cut our last call short, and they skipped some of the morning/evening greetings. They worried about seeming too distant lately, and I'm like...

Really, I've been caught up in my own head, with all my sensory overload stuff. I'm chilling with my own vibes, feeling fine by myself. Never even occurred to me that things could be interpreted as us being a bit distant.

My reaction also reminded me of the apple juice story from Hannibal Buress. "... so caught up in the euphoria...," forgetting the practical reasoning.

I replied, explaining that we're good. I understand when life (and fatigue!) get in the way. I mean, I wanted to cancel this week's call, because my brain isn't good with speaking out loud. (I could hear myself talking in circles, repeating myself last week, because I space-out mid-sentence.)

=====

Anyway, thanks for sticking around reading all these notes. And if you didn't, if you just clicked "like" because you like me, that's fine too.

I started writing these notes for a few specific people, back when I was really depressed and withdrawn. Now, I write them to help me remember what I've been up to lately. As always, I really appreciate your support, friends.

[pbandjesse]

I can't believe this week is over already. It was so wildly busy and so incredibly full. I feel happy but also so tired. But also so so so excited that we get the day off tomorrow! They canceled camp kick off! Incredible. I am thrilled.

Especially with how busy I was today. I slept fine but not the best. I woke up when James was leaving and I just remember having the biggest smile seeing them. And then immediately fell back asleep until 740.

When I got up I felt a little crazy. I made the bed and got dressed and would decide to wash my hair tonight.

I gave Sweetp a kiss. Checked in the tanks. And was off.

I had a good drive to hunt valley. And it was another good conversation! This time about homes and living in Baltimore. How we came into money for the house. How lucky we have been and privileged to have the help. Plus James getting hit by a truck. We have been lucky in a lot of ways.

Once we got to camp I was overwhelmed. There was still so much to do. I went up to arts to go over all the other programs and made lists of what needed to be collected. I was getting more and more worried. After an hour I texted Heather to ask for help.

She would send me three girls and they were wonderful. I gave them the lists and sent them off to find things. Rocks and paint and identification cards. Pitri dishes and compasses and almost everything I needed. I was just so happy to have them doing that. Because then I could go to the office to work on printing all the examples and guides.

It was a lot of work though. I had to edit so many things so they didn't say "Indian". Just out of date terminology. But things were getting done.

I handed off the prints to get laminated. I appreciate the people who helped with that so much. They wouldn't get everything laminated but they did get everything in the sleeves and I would finish the laminating later on.

I went back to art and did some more organizing of supplies and materials. I can ot wait until our boxes are in so things can be actually organized. But it's something.

I would come back to the office and Callie said we could take the camp truck and go get the deck furniture her parents were giving to camp, and then go to a deli she likes. Excellent.

While we were waiting for the truck to be available I continued my printing tasks. But it didn't take long for us to be able to head off.

It was fun taking the truck. I used to drive a truck and it was fun. It took about a half hour to get out there and it was fun talking with Callie and being silly and the sky was beautiful. It was such a nice little drive.

When we got to her parents' I got to meet her mom a bit more formally. I've said hi before but this was a real introduction. I also got to meet their very sweet dog. Who is a very nervous baby but I liked her apple shaped head.

It would take us a bit to get all of the furniture into the back of the truck. First problem was that there was a second hitch in the middle of the bed that we didn't know about. But I'm very smart and I was able to figure out how to take it out and later on would be able to tell Laney over the phone how to put it back in and I was very proud of myself.

Then it was just a lot of figuring out how to Tetris all of the things into the back of the truck. There were eight chairs and two tables. And I think we did a great job. It was a lot of teamwork and effort. Callie was in the back of the truck while me and her mom were handing her things and trying to help figure out how things should go together. And it was just I think a really good time. We only had four bungee cords but we made it work and everything was pretty secure.

We would do a 2 minute drive down the road to the deli / grocery store. And that was like our test run to see if the things were all going to fall out and they seemed pretty good besides a little bit of rattling from one of the tables. So after I got out of the truck to help Callie park because the truck is very big. We went and got some food.

. It was nicer than growls and kind of reminded me of the grocery store I used to go to in Minneapolis that was really nice. And she would get I think she said chicken salad. And I got a grilled cheese. I also will pick up edamame for later and a cannoli flavored chocolate bar to share with James. We had to wait a pretty long time but honestly food was really good and I think it was worth it in the end.

We had about a half an hour drive back to camp. The new girl who's teaching EAC was at camp and she wanted to know if we can meet up and I told her I would be available in the office in one half hour. And then I just enjoyed my drive with Kelly. We shared Western fries and worried about the table sliding around and possibly breaking the back window. But we did a really good job and so it was not a problem in the end.

Right before we got back to camp I called Elizabeth to make sure that we were good to take the stuff directly to the pool. And we were so we pulled up and I walked to the office to grab the boys so they could help her bring them in and I could go eat my sandwich and wait for Corrina to come find me.

She would come about 10 minutes later which was totally fine. Gave me enough time to eat my sandwich. And then we sat down and went over and just kind of talked through things that might be a problem and figured out some solutions and some alternatives. And I think she's going to do a really good job. There are quite a few times that she's going to be gone this summer but she's not the first one that's done that so I'm not that worried about it. As long as we have someone to cover and whatever project she picks for that week not being too difficult for them to handle.

I would spend the rest of the afternoon finishing the lamination. Tony helped me punch holes in the corner so that we could binder ring them and then Alexis daughter Josephine helped me put the hand talk flashcards into alphabetical order. And that took a really long time. And I appreciate how hard she works because that was not a super fun task. But it got done and then we labeled them with numbers so that we cannot have them fall out of order again and it will not take as long to put back together. But that was like an hour long task.

A whole bunch of materials for the hands on History and some of the other program projects had come and some people had taken the boxes after arts and crafts so I was like sweet I'm going to go up there and unpack them. But some very thoughtful but misguided counselors had unpacked everything already. Each one of those boxes had been labeled for which program they were going to and now I didn't know what program they were for. So I was a little frazzled. So once I was able to get a couple people to come inside and help me we sorted everything out and then I had them carry it to the different locations. I would follow along to the Adirondacks so that I could put things in the correct piles for the boxes for when the boxes come. And it was a little stressful and it was a little sweaty but we handled it and it was all good.

I was ready to go though. I was hot and I was tired. And I went to the office to check in with Heather because she made a comment about next week with me being with the camp all in for the whole time. I thought I was only leading programs not acting as a counselor so I was very surprised. And she was like yeah you're probably right so I'm just going to be jumping in a few times to leave programs not be there from 9:00 to 2:00. So I'll actually have time to continue finishing setting up all the programs. And I hopefully will be able to pull away a couple other people to help me because I still feel slightly overwhelmed by all of it.

I headed out of there and I had a much shorter drive home than yesterday. I would arrive back here at 5:30 and I was thrilled to see James and our dear friend Brooks sitting at the kitchen island.

James and Brooks are going to a baseball game tonight and meeting up with some of our other friends. And it was just really nice to have people over. Brooke's let me braid his hair and he was very surprised that I was able to braid it with just one hair tie. He grew his hair out in the last year or so and he still learning how to do things with his hair so I think he was surprised I was able to make him a very pretty Elsa braid with only one hair tie and not a bunch of barrettes and clips and things. He's learning he's trying. I thought he looked really nice with the braid. And he would leave the house for the baseball game with James with the braids still in.

Once they left I would set myself up outside on the porch swing. Cost per use I'm going to make this swing so worth it in the end. I love the swing. It gives me the same nice feeling that my hammock does but it's more structured so I'm not as squeezed. And I laid out there with my book and my edamame and I had an excellent evening. I had brought crab cake out to soak in a bowl for a bit and then put him in his outdoor enclosure. And I have some plans for how I'm going to build out the bigger outdoor enclosure once we have a fence. And just kind of thought about that and enjoyed sweet peace company and I was out there for a really long time. Couple hours. Just hanging out and enjoying being in my backyard that I own. I was getting eaten alive by mosquitoes and that is something I'm going to have to figure out going forward. But I really love our little space and I'm just really happy that it's coming together so well.

As the sun started to set I brought crab cake inside and put him in his enclosure. I changed out the water in there and he started burying himself as he does. And I would sit outside and write the first half of this post until sweet pea walked himself in and then I came in to close the door. And now I'm running a bath and I'm going to soak and wash my hair and wait for my husband to come home.

It has been a really nice week but man was it a lot. I am so excited to not have to go anywhere tomorrow. My plan is to do nothing. I am going to hopefully have some projects left to do here and work on some art things. Pack my little bag for next week because I'm going to be sleeping over at camp all 5 days. And then on Sunday I'm going to go visit my parents and I'm really excited about that. And I just think that this is going to be a beautiful summer and I'm really excited. And I'm really excited to continue to share my stories with you. I hope you guys all have a great night and you sleep well. Until next time. Good night

[whereare-myglasses]

⚠️CONTENT WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE AND SEXUAL ASSUALT⚠️

I'm posting this on here because I'm honestly not to sure where else I can talk about it without someone I know irl seeing this.

I recently graduated from a trade program called Job Corps. Basically, you're provided food, clothes, housing, and basic medical care and in return you learn a trade of your choosing. It's made out to be a wonderful opportunity and experience should you choose to do the program. While in some cases it can be, many folks don't have that great experience we're told we'll have.

It's been a few weeks since I graduated amd returned home and I've noticed things that have changed about myself since starting at the program.

1. I can't eat as much as I used to. My center rarely served anything actually edible at meals and when they did, you weren't given quite enough because they needed enough food for everyone to have at least one serving. If they served something at lunch that people barely got, they served it again at dinner to get rid of it. So it wasn't uncommon for us to wait until we're completely done with trade for the day before eating an adequate meal (which we would have to buy ourselves when we visited the nearest Walmart once every 2 weeks. It was a 2 hour round trip and 80% of the center would go. So you had limited space for what you buy). I lost almost 20 pounds in my first 2 months there and I'm STILL not back at the weight I was before starting.

2. I can't trust anyone to do anything they're supposed to. We had COUNTLESS maintenance problems at my center that would go ignored for MONTHS at a time solely because the maintenance crew did not want to do their jobs. In late January of this year, we had a snow and ice storm that had trade canceled for almost 2 weeks. Before and during that time, none of the buildings on my center had ANY heating during the single digit weather. The first couple days, we didn't mind. We spent all day outside playing in the snow anyway. But the temperatures kept dropping both inside and outside and nothing was really being done. We had one or two space heaters per dorm (6 dorms averaging 20-30 people each) that we just had to huddle around during the day. Also in that time, my dorm had an industrial sink that we couldn't use (even though it was required for our daily chores) because a pipe had rusted off completely. We had been putting in maintenance request forms since SEPTEMBER about the leaking sink (keep in mind, this is late January still) and maintenance claimed they didn't even KNOW about it until I personally dragged one of them to look at it while they were working on our heat. At some point, we bypassed the staff request forms altogether and wrote out 2 lists (one staff copy and one student copy) of everything in our dorm that was broken that maintenance needed to fix and made the head of maintenance sign and date both lists so that we all knew they saw what was needed.

3. I no longer feel like I can speak to a person of authority with trust, or at all. There's a HUGE problem with communication across ALL job corps centers in the nation. At my center, we struggled daily to get any information from staff on just about everything. Staff could barely even communicate with each other, but expected us to constantly be on top of things when there we times we didn't even know what we were supposed to be on top of. Rules would change and half the time, you didn't know of a rule change until you or someone you knew got in trouble for breaking said rule. It wasn't uncommon for staff to ask students where a certain staff member was, only for the students to not even realize that staff member was supposed to be in the area. Even without the problem of staff not communicating, there was still the problem of staff not caring. There was a student that started in late November while I was there (I was his fucking mentor) who sexually assaulted about 4 or 5 other male students. There were COUNTLESS written statements (from students) about him bullying others and at least one of his SA victims tried to address it with staff directly, but nothing was done until it was almost too late. Saturday morning in late February, one of his SA victims expressed thoughts of suicide because of what he had gone through. Staff didn't reach out to the student to intervene until Sunday evening when the student tried to take is own life. The next day, staff held an optional meeting with students to express our concerns about the situation and every single time we tried to say something, we were shot down. The meeting ended abruptly when all of the students who attended stormed out and me saying, "All this situation and thus meeting has taught us is that we can't trust staff enough to come forward about anything." I was mentoring again that week and I remember taking some of my new kids in my arms and holding them while they cried because of the situation.

4. I don't really feel like an actual person anymore, just another number. As with all things government, the bottom line always comes first. Staff were overworked and underpaid, buildings were rundown, opportunities to go off center were dwindling down to just going to Walmart once every 2 weeks (my center was around 120ish students and located inside of a national park, it was at least an hour drive to go anywhere), but the center director still did everything possible to fill every single bed to get money that wouldn't even go toward the students. The center director was always saying how she cared about the students but always stonewalled attempts to make things better for us. Job Corps held a national essay contest for its 60th anniversary and I did it cause why not? No harm done if I don't win. Well, I did win. I got first place in my region and was one of the 6 winners across the 100+ centers in the country. I read my essay in an online National office meeting and felt like I was put on a pedestal by my center director. Which I found out I really was being put on a pedestal, as I was the very first person in the 40 something years my center has been open and active to win an award like this. My name and center was put on a flyers for every job corps center to see along with the other 5 winners. And while I am proud of myself for my achievement, I can't help but feel like it wasn't really worth it for me. It just seemed like my win was only to make my center look better.

There's other shit but I'm tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Since starting at jobcorps, I'm angrier, I'm sadder, I'm less trusting and more judgemental, and I'm scared to do what they've trained me for and enter the workforce because what if it's just like my experience there?

[lyonfreddie]

this is completely self-serving but behold, a chronological list of everything that’s gone wrong in my life in just the past 2.5 weeks:

5/24: almost missed my flight home from canada

5/25: goes back to work and finds out the moms for liberty transphobic bookbanning hate group booked my museum/workplace for an event at the end of june and staff are signing a petition to cancel the event. the contract for the event was signed in DECEMBER and we just found out about it NOW. LMAO

5/26: incompetent coworker made a huge mistake in gift entry over a month ago and i just uncover it now and have to fix it (because he sure as shit won’t)

5/28: succession series finale

5/30: emergency town hall meeting @ work where many lgbtq+/poc employees share emotional, tearful personal testimony with our ceo (who says he’s listening) to cancel the moms for liberty event

5/31: renewed a museum membership for war criminal karl rove

6/1: ceo announces in the allstaff meeting that we are NOT going to cancel the moms for liberty event. staff are openly weeping. one staff member quits on the spot. ceo twists our mission statement to serve his own batshit narrative and clearly doesn’t give two shits about lgbtq+ staff. full-body breakdown number 1.

6/2: goes to an ice cream shop for a nice milkshake to cheer myself up and a random dude wordlessly steals it from the counter right in front of my face on the hottest day of the year so far like are you fucking serious

6/3: has to work a midday event and pretend i’m proud of where i work. then i decide to drive home to pet my puppies only to find someone stole my headlights and side mirrors and broke one of my car’s windows???? i had to call the police and file my first police report. full-body breakdown number 2.

6/4: car gets towed. i go home with my parents.

6/5: i take the day off work and stay home to pet my dogs. news stories start to break about the event at the museum, people start calling wanting to cancel their memberships and sever ties with the museum. i get the voicemails on my phone.

6/6: we get talking points for phone calls/feedback and they are complete dogshit. i realize i am in a position where i’m perfectly capable of doxxing our entire board of directors. SPLC designates the moms for liberty as a certified extremist group, which would have helped immensely on june 1st, but fucking whatever. have to work ANOTHER event, this one in the evening, and pretend again like i’m happy to work at the museum.

6/7: horrendous wildfire smoke, but i go into the office because i have to print and mail 120 memberships and don’t want to do any amount of work for a ceo who fucking sucks and also i’m getting like 5 calls an hour from people telling us to cancel the event and i agree with them 100% but cannot say that!!!!

6/8: staff are openly sobbing in the office because all of our diversify living history partners are (rightfully) boycotting the museum for this decision. everyone’s jobs are 10x harder. support networks that staff have spent 6 YEARS building up with vulnerable communities in the region evaporate overnight. our crowning special exhibit on a free black man from philadelphia who fought in the rev war and used his war experience to inform his later fight for abolition & voting rights now looks completely hypocritical. because of ONE MAN’S DECISION.

6/9: work anxiety finally hits and i’m sick to my stomach all day. i get to wfh at least. there’s a board meeting, but it’s virtual, and they’re all rich people who live on another fucking planet, so they have no idea how absolutely abysmal morale is. a protest is held on the plaza outside at 6pm.

6/10: i have a daytrip planned with friends that i have been looking forward to all week. one might say it was all that was getting me through the week. i call an uber to take me to the train station with time to spare. the uber gets stuck behind a fucking trash truck and i have to cancel the uber and on my friends because i’ve missed the train completely. bawling on my bedroom floor before 9am. my dad calls and i try to explain to him why moms for liberty are filth and he doesn’t believe me. full-body breakdowns numbers 3 and 4 and 5!

the funniest thing is literally all of these things are outside of my control. so like.  why do i even try. lol

[hydrus]

Version 524

windows

zip

exe

macOS

app

linux

tar.gz

I had a good week working on bug fixes, quality of life, and more timestamps.

full changelog

timestamps

I've added timestamps to the sidecars system. You can import/export any timestamp the file has, so it is now possible to migrate various times (particularly archive and imported) from one client to another. I still need to add some more things to sidecars, e.g. inbox status and ratings, but we are almost at the point where we can do complete client-to-client transfers of all the major metadata. I have plans to make this ultimate goal simple with templated one-click jobs and no need to repeat the file import--just a raw JSON file metadata import/export.

Also, in the duplicate system, file modified dates can now be merged, and by default they will--for 'this file is better', then an earlier timestamp on the worse file will be applied to the better file, and for 'they are the same', both files will get the earlier of the two. If you don't want this to happen, check your duplicate merge options and set 'make no changes'.

Also in duplicates, if you have URLs set to merge, then any associated domain timestamps with those URLs will be earliest-merged too.

Lastly, the program can broadly support pre-1970 timestamps now. 1970-01-01 is a special date in computing, and supporting times before it can be tricky, but I've fudged some general support. It is a bit of a meme, but maybe it'll be neat to apply '1503' to old paintings. The code I was working with says it is good back to 1 AD, but it seems like it can actually go further, ha ha. Anyway, have fun, and let me know if it fails. I know that the '1,504 years 2 months ago' strings are a little inaccurate--it turns out I haven't been counting leap-year days in those calculations, and it shows on the longer durations.

other highlights

Export Folders now have popups while they work. You can turn them off for regular runs, but now Import and Export Folders force-show their working popups when you manually start them from the file menu. These popups have stop buttons, so you can cancel Export Folders mid-job now too. Also, I removed the stupid and confusing 'paused' vs 'run regularly?' duality. Export Folders now just have 'run regularly?'.

I added some special predicate labels, 'system:ratio is square/portrait/landscape', for =/taller/wider than 1:1. They are in the quick-select list for system:dimensions too.

next week

I pushed it too hard this week and exhausted myself. Thankfully, next week is due to be code cleanup, so I'll try and take it easy and just dive into some simple refactoring work and do some small jobs here and there.

[seeklovenet]

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[redactedlily]

*sigh*

today has been a bit of a bumpy one. not like super bumpy, but like sorta bumpy.

i had therapy today, and i really like my therapist, she's nice and all, but i'm not the biggest fan of the way our sessions go. i'm used to coming in and just kind of talking with my last therapist, but she starts us off with this "mindfulness meditation" video (not my thing) and she has me do these little assignments and tasks? which i can see working for someone else, but it kinda feels like a chore to me. plus, i was on a spiel about some issues and concerns im having about my new job and (now i dont think she realized) but she kinda cut me off and had me write out something about gender identity. i realize that sounds unrelated but lemme kinda detail it better

i was listing some issues i was having at work (for context its a daycare and my first job at one, im not good at it yet but im trying) and i was in a bit about how all my coworkers come from very different lives than i do, and sometimes it feels like a hurdle (im 19, alt, trans, etc. and most of my coworkers are middle-aged cis women like moms and also kinda intimidating and stand-offish)

i was saying that since they all seem to come from similar backgrounds and have more in common, while my life and experiences dont quite match if that makes sense. i feel like an outsider kind of. anyways, i was talking about how im worried how they perceive me as trans-ish. i usually describe myself as trans-ish because of the fact i chose to use genderqueer to identify, but i present more-so as trans mtf, if that makes sense.

she stopped me to have me take 10 minutes to write out a thing about my identity in detail so she could kind of get a better idea i think? it also could have been for my sake, but i know whats going on already, for several years actually, so i really dont need it written down for my sake?

anyways, i did that and then she asked me to keep a journal over the next week about how i feel around others thru this kinda trans-ish lens (when i go out and about to the store, a resturant, etc.). i understand where she is coming from but i dont think i need that. its not really something im that concerned about in my day to day, its mainly just applicable to my job right now

plus after that we ended the session only a half an hour in? like we started at 2, and we ended at 2:30. i thought i was getting a full hour? huh? plus i didn't get to talk about the other stuff i wanted to cover, like my social problems im having and like 3 other things i cant remember as i type this (but i knew it then i swear)

anyways that was a whole thing. i have another session next week same time. im gonna maybe see if i cant get the sessions to run the way i want? part of me wants to just cancel and find someone else cause im afraid to say anything negative, but part of me is like "well im paying you to listen to me, so A-lets do what i want, and B-ill be taking my full hour, or at least until 50-55 minutes"

i talked to my mom a bit about it before she left (she went to hang with her friend) and she said i should bring it up to her next time. this also brings me to my next bit, which is mainly centric on my behavior in general

im generally unhappy with my personality and behavior to be honest. it would take me like 12 pages to explain in paragraphs, so imma use a bulleted list, except with dashes, cause dashes are cooler

-i wish i was more timid and introverted rather that my more boisterous and ambiverted self

-i worry im not considerate of other peoples feelings as much as i should be

-i worry i go on the defensive too much

-i worry i take/ask for more than i give/offer

-i worry im not pulling my weight enough

-i dont feel i try hard enough to succeed in almost any aspect

-i think ive become less patient and quicker to anger in recent years

-i worry im not mature/ready/in a good enough state to work in child care

-i spend way too much time pointlessly scrolling on youtube or tiktok, but its hard to stop because i get bad fomo about current meme trends (cringe)

-i dont think i really see the big picture as often as i should

-i feel i have too many negative behaviors that need correcting and i just dont realize it

thats just a start i think. lately i just feel so swamped. ive been broke for way too long, and thats causing me issues like nobodys business. i really have been craving a fresh start for so so long and it feels like everytime i think its just within my grasp it gets yanked away. some new obstacle or setback comes up and suddenly its all over.

like the other day, my brakes failed and i got into an accident (no one was hurt, virtually no damage) because there was air in the brake line. now im gonna have to pay to get the lines drained and refilled, plus get the leak fixed that caused it, plus replace a fucked up tire that i just noticed, and fix the wheel bearing thats been fucking with my ABS for like 8 months. so i either need to save up money for that or let my grandparents pay for it (and then try and pay them back if they'll even let me)

really, honestly, i want to take my truck, pack it up with some essentials, and just, start driving. pick a direction and keep going. but i cant even do that cause my truck is out of commission until god knows when, and like a million other obstacles on top of that.

it really just feels like, once everything starts looking up, i get kicked in the balls

[kryptonitejelly]

Flyboy (Part 6) | Jake Seresin x Reader  Top Gun: Maverick - Jake Seresin x Reader  Genre: romance; fluff; angst; best friends to lovers Warnings: tw: food / eating (one mention of the phrase “you are eating too little”); general hangman being hangman; sexual tension; general cursing; will contain mentions of a break up / previous relationship; general use of pet names; fem!reader; pining; general naval / flying inaccuracies; geographical inaccuracies. Length: Mini-series, chaptered - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Epilogue

Summary: Jake gets called back to TOPGUN the same time you’ve been granted a sabbatical from work. He invites you, his purely platonic best friend of years, to live with him for 6 months and you accept. Just two best friends kicking it back for 6 months in San Diego, Fightertown USA, right?

A/N: Well, Part 6 is here……. I don’t know what to say; but I teared writing this at some point, and I am insanely nervous (Idk why) about posting this, so please let me know your thoughts? We still have the Epilogue, so this baby is not done. I have blurbs / one shots / Flyboy asks that will follow - I’m not sure if the taglist wants to be tagged in the blurbs / one shots that are original (i.e. not asks), please let me know?

As usual, THANK YOU ALL <3 for loving Flyboy, I LIVE for your comments, tags, reblogs, and it has been an utmost pleasure reading them. KISSING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

Flyboy | Mini-Series Masterlist (If you haven’t already seen them - blurbs and asks (one-shots coming soon) are also listed on the Flyboy masterlist!)

Flyboy - Part 6

PART 5 <<

Approximately 6.4k words

“Sooo,” the sound of Phoenix’s voice catches you off guard, and you jump as you straighten up from the bend you had been in, in your attempt to reach towards the back of Penny’s fridge to grab four bottles of beer, spinning around to face her.

“I didn’t even hear you come in.” You say, and she smiles, almost too sweetly as she helps you shut the fridge grabbing two of the beer bottles you had wedged between the fingers of one hand from you.

“You and Hangman,” she says pointedly, staring intently at you.

“What about it?” You question, trying to be as casual as possible, while you pull open one of Penny’s drawers, searching for a bottle opener.

“Is something going on,” she leans against the counter of the kitchen, forcing you to look directly at her. Truth to be told, you and Jake had hid it pretty well. Perhaps not to Penny, Mav, or any other third party who saw you both together, but to the clueless bunch of Naval Aviators who, despite being the few to spend the most time with you both, had not made much of it.

The physical tells were something they hadn’t made much of to begin with, a sure result of having seen Jake flirt his way through too many women and situations over the years. However, the near fight at The Hard Deck where they had seen him at his most protective ever, pure, white hot rage radiating off him - only for you to dispel it so easily, coupled with the subtle, but sure shifts in Jake’s demeanour, had started to arouse suspicion.

“I’ve never seen him like this before,” she continues.

In all the years since she had known Jake, Phoenix had never seen him this way - more at ease, more open, happier. It wasn’t to say that his personality with the rest of them had changed drastically, Jake Seresin, was still very much Hangman, boisterous, confident, cocky (particularly in the air), always ready for a challenge, to show and tell that he was better than you, and to say whatever the hell he wanted, but he was also different, somehow happier, with the undercurrent of an unobvious calm and peace to him that they could just feel. It was unnerving to say the least, because it wasn’t something they had seen before, were used to, or had ever known Jake to be.

Bob had noticed it first, the Monday after the week Jake had cancelled fried chicken Friday, after days of sharp but silent observation. It had resulted in Bob telling Phoenix, who then told Rooster, who had went on to relay the message collectively to Coyote, Payback and Fanboy. A group decision was made one afternoon by way of a show of open hands or fists, resulting in Phoenix being the chosen messenger to broad the subject with you.

The difference in Jake had managed to be both outwardly noticeable, and yet not, all at the same time. On the surface, Jake was still Jake, swagger in his step when he walked around TOPGUIN, extolling his own virtues, taking little joking digs at all of them when he could, particularly when they were in the air - “C’mon Rooster, thought the chicken finally learnt to fly.” / “Trace, what does the baby on board in your backseat see?” / “Try to keep up Trace.” / “Aaand, the Relic is off the ground, that ladies and gentleman is called a Pete Mitchell” / “Payback? You mean the thing you can’t dish?” - but come dinner, when they had trooped back home and to you, Jake was somehow different.

The comments were still there - “Sorry boys and girls, I know it must be tough trying to match up to me.” / “Like how Trace and her baby on board fumbled today.” / “Thought Bradshaw was trying to hatch some eggs with the amount of time he was nesting.” / “Garcia and Fitch are always just taking it.” - but at the same time, Jake’s smile was wider, genuinely hitting his eyes and making his greens sparkle; his laugh louder, natural with nothing held back; his body language more open, any tension that he held during the day seemingly having melted away.

More importantly, as they had all come to notice, Jake never left you behind - whether it was purposefully falling behind everyone to bring up the rear just so he could fall in step with you; watching you out of the peripherals of his eyes the moment you left his side at The Hard Deck, right up to the moment you returned just to make sure that you weren’t waylaid by unwanted attention; or even the simplest act of making sure your order never got lost among the barrage of orders of the group; or that you were never cut out, lost or disengaged in the conversation when it dragged on to more Navy-orientated topics which you weren’t as familiar with.

Sure, Pheonix and Bob had caught sight of you and Jake running around the compound one Saturday afternoon, with him sprinting ahead in the last stretch in absolute glee, you yelling at him while trying to catch up, leaving you, quite literally, behind and in his dust - but even then, they had seen with his own eyes, Jake Seresin standing at the finish point, eyes fixed solely on you, waiting for you to meet him, as you yelled and protested your way to the end.

You pull the bottle opener out from the drawer, popping open the caps of the bottles in her hands, and then in yours, before dropping it back, and pushing the drawer shut with a hip. You beckon to Phoenix to exit back out into Penny’s backyard with you to rejoin the group and she follows, her question still hanging in between you both.

You step back out into Penny’s backyard, the cool evening air hitting your skin, your eyes meeting briefly with Jake’s as he looks up in the middle of his conversation with Rooster.

“You’ve only seen Hangman before,” you finally say, you both still out of earshot from the group, before you take a few steps towards the table, “now you get to see Jake.”

She opens her mouth to push her question again, determined to draw out a clear answer or confession from you, only for Jake’s voice to cut in above the chatter, making Rooster turn his neck to glance at the both of you as you return.

“Trace, you got that dog with a bone look on your face,” he starts, “do I have to take you out for harassing my girl?” Jake’s voice is loud enough that it carries across the table, pausing the chatter among the group for a second.

You feel your face heat as you hand a beer bottle off to Bob who receives it with a “thanks”, as he exchanges a look with Fanboy who is seated across the rectangle shaped table, before you settle back into the chair flanked by Jake, and Coyote who is waggling an eyebrow at Payback.

You see a smug, triumphant grin on Phoenix’s face, her question finally answered, as she hands one of the bottles to Rooster before sliding back into her seat beside him.

“Finally,” Penny breaks the moment of silence, throwing up her hands at the confirmation of what she knew, but had been waiting for, for the longest time, Amelia grinning wildly beside her.

“Hear, hear.” Mav raises his beer, to which Bob also does, and the group follows, cheers erupting from Penny’s backyard.

The attention makes you groan, and you hide your face in your hands, turning your body into Jake’s. You had talked about it after the other night at The Hard Deck, and had decided that it was time for the rest to know, directly from you both. You can hear the rumble of his own laughter in his chest, Jake clearly unfazed and not the slightest bit embarrassed at the attention, as he snakes an arm around your shoulders, securing you against him. It only makes the cheers louder, with Coyote sending a loud wolf whistle your way.

-

“Uncle Jake!” The roar of a little voice greets you both as you step through the doors and into the lobby of the hotel. You see a small blonde head sprinting at top speed towards you both, barrelling itself into Jake’s arms which had opened just in time to catch him.

“All this excitement just for me?” Jake exclaims back as he swings his nephew, Kyle, around in the air, before squeezing him tightly against his chest, only for the little boy to squirm in delight.

You see Emma, Jake’s older sister approach, her husband, Liam, and toddler Layla, approach.

“Full attire, really, Jake?” She scoffs taking in Jake’s uniform, but clearly teasing, as she takes reaches out to hug you hello, before coming to a stand in front of her brother.

“Not all of us are on vacation,” Jake shoots back as he sets Kyle down on his feet, before the siblings embrace each other, “some of us still have to work.”

“You only wear it for the looks you get,” Emma retorts with a snort, but being well aware that he had just come from work, as Jake and Liam thump each other on the back in a hug, before Liam reaches out to hug you hello as well.

“Well you gotta agree, I look good.” Jake smirks, not missing a beat, while bending to pick Layla off the ground, hoisting her in an arm and tickling her belly, the toddler shrieking with glee. “Can’t deprive the world of all this now, can we?” He coos the question at Layla who only giggles, patting her uncle’s cheek with her hand.

“I don’t know how you put up with him,” she looks at you as you ruffle Kyle’s hair in a hello, the boy beaming up at you, before slipping his hand into yours, tugging you around in a circle in his excitement.

“None of us do,” the familiar voice of grandma Doris interjects as she and Grace Seresin née Walton, walk into view.

“She’s too sweet to be putting up with your brother,” Grace chimes in, with a glance to her son, who just shrugs, a lazy, self-assured smirk plastered to his face.

Emma tugs Kyle out of your hands, for grandma Doris and Grace to greet you with hugs of their own, before they move onto Jake, who embraces them each with an arm, Layla still nestled happily in his other, her head resting between the crook of his neck, thumb now in her mouth.

“Thank you,” Emma grabs your hands in an exaggerated fashion, clutching them dramatically as she throws a look to Jake, “for putting up with my brother’s clown ass.”

The words coming out from Emma, a grown woman, with perfectly coiffed hair, and designer clothes and shoes that cut a stylish figure, makes you burst out in laughter.

“Just doing my bit of charity for the world.” You manage to say, before grandma Doris links an arm with yours, pulling you towards the door of the lobby, a signal for the rest to follow.

“I’ll cut him out of my will and put you in,” she tells you in a loud stage whisper. You don’t turn back, but if you did, you would have seen Jake grinning broadly, a fond look in his eyes, his niece still cuddled up against him, as he takes in the sight of you and his grandmother walking arm in arm.

-

“You know,” you turn to face Emma at the sound of her voice, clearly directed at you, “he cares about you.”

You both are seated at the end of a table, in the corner of the hotel lobby’, watching as the other members of your party are crowded around the massive cake display case to a side, Layla in her Grace’s arms, and Kyle in Jake’s, Liam and grandma Doris flanking them, as the children attempt to decide which sweet treat to pick.

“I know,” you say, small smile on your lips, as you focus on Jake, before looking back at her.

You and Jake had been mindful of yourselves around the Seresins, not because it would have been an issue, but because you had insisted on not wanting to overshadow their time together with Jake. He had tried to convince you that there wouldn’t have been any overshadowing involved, but you had, with a little help of your hands and mouth, had managed to capture his undivided attention, and be extremely persuasive, to which Jake relented. You weren’t sure if Emma knew, or suspected at the very least. You had always known her to be astute.

“He would probably kill me if I told you this,” she begins, as she leans back in her seat, folding her hands in her lap, “but slightly over three years ago, when you had told him about Dan, that guy you were seeing, he was noticeably…” she pauses, searching for the right words to use, “worked up.”

“I didn’t know,” you start, as you find your gaze wandering back to Jake who is now squatting beside Kyle, both blondes peering into the bottom layer of the display case. “He never said.”

“We were both home during that period,” she recalls, “and staying with grandma, and I found him in the gym abusing a punching bag. His knuckles were raw, eyes like a man crazed.”

She pauses, as you look back to her before continuing.

“I had Kyle with me, he was still just a toddler at that point, and it took him crying for Jake to stop. He told me, quite angrily I might add, that Dan wasn’t good enough for you”, she says as she unfolds her hands from her lap to reach out to squeeze your forearm, “and you deserved so much more.”

She meets your gaze, squeezing your forearm gently again, before adding after a moment of consideration, “I think he meant himself.”

Her words make your jaw slacken, your lips part slightly, as you remember Jake’s words in the car from the other day when he had only said “less so” since you had started seeing Dan.

“My brother can be a dick to a lot of people,” she starts again, a rueful shake of her head, “but not to you, never to you. He’ll never hurt you.” Emma says as she offers you a final smile, as you hear the voices of the group returning to the table.

“We got chocolate and a red velvet,” Jake says, as he slides back into the chair beside you, Kyle clamouring from his lap into yours. He finds you looking at him curiously, a strange expression on his face and he tilts his head to a side, asking silently if you are ok, before darting his gaze to Emma who immediately turns her attention to Liam.

You nod, with a slight tilt of your ahead, signalling that you are fine before you turn your attention back to Kyle who is describing to you, in vivid detail the chocolate cake that he chose.

-

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with?” Jake asks you for the tenth time since you had both left the house, “you’re already in the car.”

“I don’t,” you shake your head as you watch him glance out the side mirror, checking for cars, before he makes the turn. “You should spend some time alone with them before they go back.”

It had been a Seresin filled week, with you spending almost all of your time with grandma Doris, Grace, Emma, Liam, Kyle and Layla during the days, with Jake joining the group only in the evening once he had managed to get out of work. He had however, managed to spend an entire full day with the group yesterday, a Saturday, which largely comprise of him and Liam, chasing Kyle and Layla around the beach, while you, Emma, Doris and Grace watched on, chatting idly.

Emma and her family had left earlier in the morning, but his mother and grandmother who had booked themselves into a later flight, scheduled only for the late afternoon, had asked Jake to meet them for breakfast.

Jake opens his mouth to say something as he glances at you, and you shake your head again, pre-empting his response, your tone firm.

“No Jake, they deserve your undivided attention.” You knew you were always welcome with the Seresins, but you had wanted to give grandmother Doris, Grace and Jake the time they deserved together. You hadn’t made mention of it to Jake, but had gathered from their previous trip to see you in New York (sans Jake), that they missed Jake more than they cared to let on. It wasn’t easy having a grandson and son far from you; what more one that was a Naval Aviator who could be deployed for 6 months, to an undisclosed location at the drop of a hat. You had missed Jake yourself, worried about him during his stints of deployment over the years, even if were both already separated by state, so it was easy for you to empathise.

The seriousness to your voice makes him shut his mouth, choosing instead to reach across the center console and place a hand on your thigh, fingers squeezing lightly in understanding.

“Do you want me to wait for you?” You ask, and Jake shakes his head no.

He had sent his truck off to the workshop, only to have it grounded for a couple of days. You had tried to strong arm him into taking your car, seeing that he was due back to TOPGUN for an afternoon of flights, despite having been able to wrangle a few hours off to spend with his mother and grandmother before they left, but Jake Seresin, if anything, was a stubborn man, who had refused, not wanting to leave you inconvenienced. You had both reached a comprise, being that he would drop himself off to meet the Seresins, and grandma Doris would get her car to drop Jake back at TOPGUN before she left. It wasn’t the smartest solution, but it was the most he would budge on it.

He pulls up kerbside, in front of the hotel his grandmother and mother were staying in and shifts the car into park. You both exit, and Jake waits for you beside the door of the driver’s side, holding the door open, while you step in and up into the seat and buckle yourself in.

“See you later?” He asks, a rhetoric question, but you nod anyway and he kisses you swiftly on the corner of your lips before shutting the door on you and jogging over to the kerb. You duck your head to peer out of the window on the passenger’s side and he winks at you. You press a kiss to your fingers, blowing it at him, and it earns you a wide smile, the sides of his eyes crinkling. You let yourself take it in, Jake smiling, with his hair combed back, uniform hugging him in the right places, before you lift a hand in a wave and drive off, thinking to yourself, god was he handsome.

-

“You’re eating too little.” Grandma Doris asks, eyeing the bowl of yogurt, and granola in front of her grandson.

“Don’t want to be throwing up mid flight.” He explains before popping the spoon into his mouth. “I’ll have more for dinner.”

She hums in acknowledgement, settling back into her chair, while taking a sip from her tea cup, eyes studying her grandson.

“So,” she starts casually, almost too casually for her, and it makes Jake drop his spoon as he leans back to take her in, “were you planning on keeping your poor grandmother in the dark forever?”

Jake knows what she is referring to, but opts for raising brow, waiting for her to elaborate.

“That you both finally became more than just friends.” Grandma Doris stretches out the word finally, and Jake raises his glass to his lips, but his smile is barely covered.

“What gave it away?” He asks, after taking a gulp of water and setting his glass down.

“You did be blind not to know,” Grace scoffs, taking a sip of coffee. You both had hid it well, but a mother always knew her son.

The relationship you and Jake had, was something that had always been special - he was more himself around you, more the Jake that Grace had knew, loved and known from the first day she had held him in her arms, and you, well, you somehow managed to tolerate him, during the good and the bad, accepting him for both his good and bad; but this time, this was different.

Grace had always seen a glimpse of something more in her son’s eyes when he looked to you, only when he knew that you weren’t watching, but this time - she had seen it in his eyes, when he had looked directly at you, and had seen you meet his gaze with the exact same look, of equal intensity in your eyes. She had seen the quiet, content, smile that flickered briefly across both your features, and she just knew.

Her suspicions had been confirmed the night before when Grace’s own mother had nudged her and motioned out the window of the hotel lobby, both of them watching, just in time to catch you run a finger over the the sunburn blooming along the bridge of Jake’s nose, laughing about something they couldn’t hear, to which Jake only reached out to pull you towards him, your face colliding with his chest, body shaking with laughter as he planted his lips on the top of your hair, while saying something that caused your shoulders to shake even more.

“Weeks,” he says vaguely, not bothering to count the detailed specifics, not because Jake didn’t care, but because he didn’t need to with you - not when he was sure you were his forever. He had expressed outrightly that you were his girl - because even when you hadn’t been, you had somehow, always been his in one way or another - and Jake hadn’t asked you explicitly, the question of “will you be my girlfriend?”, but it hadn’t mattered to either of you; the question seemingly unimportant and trivial, when you both already just knew.

Grandma Doris observes grandson from her perch across the table, the light in his eyes that she had always saw when he looked at you had finally come to the front, and it was dazzling. She places down her teacup, fingers of her right hand working to slide the ring she had the fourth finger of her right hand off. It was the simplest of the rings which adorned her fingers, a plain band, holding a single jewel, with the words “timeless” scratched onto the inside of the band, the engraving now dulled from years of wear, but still visible. She places it on the table in front of Jake, who looks down at it, and up again at his grandmother in surprise. He had never seen her take it off since he could remember.

“Give it to her,” she says simply, the implication behind her words clear - marry her. To anyone else, it might have been strange, but grandma Doris understood, it was Jake and you - she had watched quietly, as you both danced around each other for years. “There isn’t any reason to wait when you’ve already known something your whole life.” She say simply.

Jake picks up the ring, flipping it in his fingers, running the pad of his thumb over the engraving on the inner band, before reaching into the shirt of his uniform, tugging out the chain with his dog tags, before undoing it and stringing the ring on.

-

“Well, this is me,” Jake bends down and kisses Grace’s cheek while engulfing her in a hug.

“Come back home soon,” Grace orders and Jake raises a hand to his head to giver her a mini salute.

“Yes M’am.”

“Everyone misses you,” his grandmother says as Jake bends in turn to hug her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Your grandfather and father miss you.” His mother says, and Jake meets her gaze in understanding with a small tip of his chin.

Jake stands back, with a last wave, watching as his mother and grandmother enter the car, before the driver shuts the door.

-

Tash: Your man is an idiot.

You swipe open the message from Phoenix to come face to face with a picture of Jake and Rooster’s side view, each man decked out in their flight suit, sunglasses on their face, middle fingers flipped up at each other. It makes you roll your eyes as you shoot back a text.

Is Bradley an idiot as well?

She replies almost instantly.

Tash: The biggest.

You grin, shooting back a reply.

Lies. By the way, do you know what time you’ll be done? My idiot needs a pick up.

Tash: Come now, I’ll get Mav to abuse his “power” and sign you in.

-

“I’m not betting those 200 push ups today,” Fanboy’s voice crackles over the comms as the three planes, him and Payback, Mav and Jake push through the air. It was the last scheduled flight of the day, not entirely necessary because there weren’t any trainees scheduled into the slot, but it hadn’t stopped the four men from jumping into the plans to run the same training simulation of the day. Mav’s time old favourite, dogfighting - two against one.

It earns a laugh from Mav, and Jake snorts.

“C’mon boys, wussing out?” Jake drawls over his comms as he levels his jet with Fanboy and Payback, grinning out the window towards the two. It earns him double middle fingers from the duo.

“I’m not letting you hang us out to dry, Hangman.” Payback says disgruntled. It was undeniable that Jake had proven himself to be a team player from the uranium mission, but it didn’t change the fact that Hangman, being Hangman, still enjoyed blazing his own trail, particularly during simulations such as this where a run was just a run, and nothing was at stake. He would have them eating his dust whenever he could.

“How about a beer instead boys?” Mav asks, grinning lazily out of the window of his jet.

“I could live with that,” Payback jumps and latches onto the lower stakes, before clarifying the safety of his own wallet, “just among us four.”

“Game on,” Jake hooks his mask to his face.

-

True to her word, and you are not entirely sure how, Phoenix gets you signed into TOPGUN, meeting you at the guard house, and jumping into your car, directing you onward. She ends up leading you towards the control room, which she informs you, is filled with themselves and the trainee group today due to the afternoon long simulation flights they had been running. She scans her pass against the electronic lock and holds open the door for you while gesturing you in. You slip into the control room ducking your way past a few trainees, to come to a stand beside Hondo, who is flanked on his other side by Rooster and Bob.

“What did I miss?” Pheonix asks, and Hondo points towards the screen.

“They just bet Mav a round of beers if they beat him.”

“Do we all benefit?” Phoenix asks, hopefully.

“Payback made it very clear that it’s just between them.” Hondo grins, and it earns a dismissive snort from Phoenix

You can’t see the Naval Aviators up in the air, apart from the diagrams of little jets beeping on the radar alongside a counter, and a whole host of numbers you don’t understand; but you can hear them over the speakers in the control room, the sounds of breathing, and chatter.

“Where is he?” Payback asks.

“I can’t see him,” Fanboy.

“Probably hiding beneath us,” you hear Jake, “old man never changes his tactics.” He says, a jab at Mav, and the tone of his voice, makes you shake your head slightly; even you knew, to someone who didn’t know any better or who wasn’t used to him, Jake could very well rub people he didn’t know well the wrong way with his words.

You hear a set of three yells and curses, as Mav’s diagram reappears on radar, a set of numbers alongside the screen rapidly jumping as Mav angles his jet to shoot up between the other two.

“And yet, this old man’s tactics work every time.”

It earns a fist pump from Hondo, and you lean over towards the older man.

“Does he truly do that every time?”

“Works like a charm,” Hondo says, leaning back over to you simultaneously, headset still nestled in his ear, with a nod of his head.

“And they don’t learn?” You ask in slight disbelief at the fact that some of the best Naval Aviators in the country would fall for the same trick more than once.

“Kids,” Hondo laughs with a shrug and a waggle of his brows, and it makes you laugh out loud as you think back to a scene where you had been sitting with the lot, after dinner, watching them argue over which superhero, as portrayed in the movies, would come out on top, because you couldn’t agree more.

-

Jake hears it, clear as day, as he rights his jet, holding back on the acceleration into the planned tactic he was going to go into, even though it was just a soft crackle over the background his comms. He thought he had been dreaming that he had heard your voice, until the point he heard your laugh - he would recognise that laugh anywhere - your laugh.

“Babe?” He says into his comms, and it has Payback and Fanboy looking at each other within the confines of their plane, Mav looking out of the window from above, down towards Jake’s jet, the men all holding in the air, surprised at the sudden call from Jake. All heads in the control room swivel towards you.

Hondo slips the headset off his ear and passes it to you, nodding for you to take it, and you do, slipping it onto your own ear, taking a step forward, closer to the screen even though you can’t see him.

“Jake?” You say, your eyes focused on the mini green outline of his jet on the screen, his call sign flickering beside it.

“Yeah babe?” Jake says again, louder, more sure this time, his face breaking into a wide grin beneath his mask. In that moment, Jake feels like he is at the top of the world, despite having just been spun around in the air by the force of Mav’s jet - he is seated in a jet high above the ground, doing something he had willingly devoted his life to, with your voice in his ear at real-time, knowing that you were watching him.

“Give him hell.” You say, and you hear a roaring laugh of response through the headset in your ear, loud, open, unadulterated, genuine, every note of it being entirely Jake. It is familiar to you, but the heads moving back and forth in the room, eyes coated in surprise, tells you that it isn’t for everyone.

“For you darlin? Anything.”

It earns a whoop from Coyote who is standing to the right of the control room. Jake, who is up in the air grips his center stick, wide grin still on his face. He can feel the ring, dangling from the chain beside his dog tags, a cool circle pressed against his chest. He takes a deep breath.

“Alright boys, hope you’re ready, because Hangman’s coming.”

-

“Tone!” It is a span of mere minutes, where you hear a mix of shouts, grunts and yells coming from the four men in the air, before you hear a loud prolonged beeping sound, and Jake’s voice crackle over the comms, shouting out the single word with a whoop. It earns wide eyes from around the room, and approving nod from Hondo who is behind you, a “yes” from Coyote and a clap from Bob.

“Fucking Hangman,” is what you hear Rooster murmur from behind, clearly impressed.

“Well I’ll be damned.” Tash mumbles as she walks up to you, before clapping her hand on your shoulder. She knew Jake was good, heck - everyone knew, despite having only been selected as Dagger Spare for the uranium mission, he was the only one among them (not counting Mav) who had a count of two confirmed air combat kills, but to get tone on Mav, something none of them had yet to be able to achieve - now that, was impressive.

“Can we get her in the room everytime he flies?” You hear Cyclone mumble to Warlock from his position in the centre of the room, arms still crossed over his chest, eyes fixed on the green on screen.

It makes you smile.

-

You make your way down along with the rest of the group, the only civilian amongst the group of Naval Aviators, hanging to a side with Coyote, Bob, Rooster and Phoenix as the jets grind to a slow stop and into a park. You can hear the chatter of the trainees, standing around as you watch while the top of Jake’s jet pops open, before he hoists himself out of the seat, stepping onto the wing to hop down onto the ground.

Jake yanks his helmet off his head, and you see him, grinning widely, from ear to ear, his hair sticking up, a sheen of sweat across his forehead, in his element, euphoria unmatched. It’s infectious and you feel your face break out into a matching grin, as Jake begins striding directly to you, helmet in his hand. He moves like a man with a mission, focused entirely on you, and the smattering of trainees move to a side as he approaches, it being clear that he has no intention to stop for anyone in his way.

You see him unzip the top of his flight suit, and reach beneath the black shirt he has on underneath, fingers pulling his dog tags out before he tugs them over his head.

“Jake?” He is three steps away from you, and the group behind you has involuntarily taken a step back, not sure of where this is going, allowing you both your space, and then, it happens.

Jake drops his helmet to the ground, the object rolling an inch away before it settles on his side. You are forced to look down as Jake drops a knee to the ground. He leans his elbow on his other knee, which is bended, propped up by a boot that is pressed flat to the ground, and raises his hand towards you, fingers holding out a ring, still hanging from the chain of his dog tags, with a single jewel as the centrepiece towards you. You recognised the ring at once, having seen it as a permanent fixture on grandma Doris’ finger.

“Jake what are yo-” You start to say, but he cuts you off, answering your question at the same time.

“Marry me.” He says, a statement, not quite an ask as his eyes search yours, a smile, genuine, excited, earnest on his face. “Marry me, because I don’t want to have to spend another day not being able to call you mine.”

It’s a big ask, after only weeks, you both jumping the step where he had even asked you (officially) to be his girlfriend, but this was Jake, the man you knew better than anyone else; the man who you understood, and who understood you, without having to even use words; the man who you would do anything for, and who would do anything for you; the man you had spent the past few weeks finally getting it right with; the man you would say yes to in a heartbeat.

You search his face, his eyes now fixed on you, watching as you take it in, take him in. Jake has never been so goddamn sure of anything in his life. He had been sure the moment his grandmother had slipped the ring onto the table; sure from the moment he had kissed you at Annie’s wedding; sure from the moment he had asked you to come out to San Diego for 6 months; perhaps even sure from way before; but hearing your voice over comms, just your voice, pulling together his focus, grounding him, both literally and figuratively propelling him to greater heights, made him realise that he had already taken too goddamn long to do this, and that he would be a fool to wait even a second longer.

“I’m already yours.” You breathe out, pushing out the breath of air you hadn’t even been aware you were holding. It is enough for him, and Jake reaches forward to tug your hand towards him before he slips the ring on. It fits your finger like a glove, his dog tags still dangling from the other end of the chain still attached to the ring, like a part of him to you. He stands, holding your hand in his, pulling you close so that your body is flush against his. Jake smells of jet fuel, sweat and soap. He reaches up with his other hand, to cup your jaw in his palm, a thumb running over your cheekbone.

“Jake?” You say, softly, as he leans in an inch.

“Yeah.” It makes him stop, face slightly apart from yours, but so close that you can feel the tip of his nose brushing against yours, and the warmth of his breath on your skin.

“I love you.” You say out loud for the first time, and you see the wide smile break across his face as he presses his lips to yours. You love him, you’ve loved him, just as he love and has loved you.

“I know baby.” Is what Jake says first against your lips, in true Jake Seresin fashion and you can still feel his smile, as he finally says, “I love you too.”

You hear the thunderous sound of cheers in the background, the loudest coming from the group of Naval Aviators you had come to know and love. A plane flies past, roaring overhead in the sky, and you kiss Jake back, one of your hands still gripping his, the other on the back of his head, feeling the damp roots of sweat in his hair, pulling him into you. You feel like your heart is soaring, your flyboy in your arms.

>> EPILOGUE

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