#and that I’m manipulating the situation to make my pain seem worse than it is

[necrxticstardust]

Is it a normal, totally not OCD thing to get stuck in a thought loop where you’re worried abt something you’re doing is abusive, and you try to rationalize that that potentially abusive thing is something you’d have to be intentionally choosing to do, and the fact that you aren’t intentionally doing that thing means you aren’t abusive. But then in trying to prove you aren’t abusive, it means you’re gaslighting and manipulating the situation and ARE abusive because trying to prove you aren’t abusive is something an abuser would do so you try to reiterate that you aren’t trying to be abusive and you aren’t doing things intentionally to be abusive and you aren’t manipulating the situation bc that requires you to be aware of and intentionally manipulating but then. That just proves you’re abusive because you’re trying to convince yourself you’re not abusive and that’s something an abuser would do. And that loop just goes on for infinity?

[cornflowersisblue]

Hi, I'm curious about your headcanons for Mr. Gap please please

Hello~ You got me thinking! I decided to make it in an iceberg format. It will start with cute headcanons, then dive into the darker, sad, or anxious ones. ✦ . 　⁺ 　 The Surface ⁺ New language: If Mr Gap picked up some human words, they’d definitely be swear words. And he’d easily find situations to use them. ⁺ I’m in your bed: He doesn’t have a concept of many things, like not fully understanding that he can cause pain (bites worse than Mr Chopped, be careful) or even what personal space is (try teaching him to knock first).

⁺ Give me that: He’s super into random little things from our world. Like, who else would sit there flipping through magazines, right? So of course he’d want to grab something cool for his collection. Personal items are probably a lot safer than, you know, body parts.

The Icy Current ⁺ Solitude: He likes it when you talk to him. But he’s usually ignored, so he acts this way to get attention. And he really doesn’t like it when you spend too much time with other. Jealousy? He won’t admit it, but he’ll do something to put a stop to it. ⁺ Am I good?: Mr Gap definitely has a praise kink. He absolutely loves it when you tell him he’s good. It’s important for him to prove he’s better than everyone else. ⁺ Obsessive Attachment: He was incredibly bored, but with you, life feels fun. Of course, he doesn’t want to lose that. Dark Waters ⁺Just Like Others: He watches others and listens to them. He mimics their behavior. It’s quite possible that he started asking "Are you okay?" after noticing others doing it and seeing the positive reaction it gets. ⁺ Everything has a price: Mr Gap doesn’t like doing things, especially not for free. That’s why he always asks for something in return, like a heart or hair. But in the scene with Mr Scarletella, he steps out of his role as an observer because he can’t let him take you. ⁺ His Plan: Mr Gap seems to manipulate events around you invisibly, ensuring you stay close to him and free from any distractions. It all appears coincidental, but it’s clearly anything but. The Depths ⁺ Why a Heart?: Mr Gap probably doesn’t feel good without his own body. That’s why, when he asks for human body parts, it’s like he’s trying to fill that emptiness. ⁺ It will be my way: Mr Gap has an ability to move through space. What’s interesting is that he can bring the MC back from one world to another. Time is probably not under his control, but he can literally take them anywhere he wants. This is a powerful skill. ⁺ Immortality: He claims he cannot be killed. Even though //spoiler// we can kill several key characters with our own hands. ✦ . 　⁺ Something like this, most of it is based on dialogues I’ve read, and I feel like it’s quite accurate.

[ashleyh713fanfics]

Dazai X Odasaku's Sister Ch17 and Ch18

Double Upload:

Chapter 17: Here To Save The Princess"

Chapter 18: Friends With A Freak Like You"

Summary: Dazai, Chuuya, and Odasaku's little sister find themselves in the worst possible situation, kidnapped by a group out to take down the infamous port mafia. They get the idea to use Dazai's girlfriend for leverage to make him squirm but perhaps that wasn't the the smartest option after all.

Warnings: pm!sixteen year old dazai, pm!sixteen year old chuuya, forced kiss, death, murder, suicide mentions, violence, manipulation on both sides, odasaku death mentions, dazai being a simp and a clingy baby boy, poor chuuya is lost, confused and tormented from all angles for most of this. chuuya is a meanie but it's for a purpose.

(This is chapter seventeen and eighteen of my fanfic "Timeless" which is now on A03. I'll link the master list below so you can get the full story. Asagao's ability is to stop time for up to six seconds.)e

Master List Here

A03 Here

Work Count: 15k total

Chapter 17:

Well this day was getting worse and worse. 

And that was because the ginger mafioso was probably in the worst position he could possibly be in at the moment. Sure, he was no stranger to attempted kidnappings and blackmail but this was something else entirely. 

There were a few things that Chuuya took note of the moment he woke up. The first was the pounding headache in the back of his temple from where that mafia bastard struck him upside the head, the second was the fact that his hands were cuffed and useless hanging above him because of the annoying ability suppressors he’d been forced to put on and the third was dingy disgusting cell he found himself in, the area clearly underground and out of sight. 

But all of that didn’t compare to the numb feeling of his muscles, the boy unable to move even an inch of his limbs in order to curse to himself internally. Shit, they drugged him also, didn’t they? That’s why he couldn’t feel anything right now, why his head was still swimming with groggy resolve.

Well that was a smart move on his captives part though, considering that even without his gravity manipulation Chuuya was still a force of physical strength. Seemed like they accounted for that as well. These idiots must’ve been planning this for a while then. 

But that just meant that getting out of here was going to be more of a pain in the ass than he first thought it would be. Just great. Of course it wasn’t gonna be easy. When is it ever? 

First things first, he had to find Dazai and get out of here. 

Suppressing another groan, his ears then perked up in order to glance to his left and find Dazai’s girlfriend in the same exact position, her head lulling with a moan of pain in order to push against her now restrained hands with confusion. 

And almost immediately, Chuuya felt his heart sink into his chest. Damn it, that’s right. This girl had gotten stuck in the crossfire as well, taken as leverage for the executive to squirm. No, this was bad. She was probably so scared right now. 

Listening to her slowly grow lucid, the boy then watched her start to blink back to reality before turning her head with a soft breathy whisper. “C-Chuuya..?” 

If he had use of his muscles he would’ve nodded, but because he didn’t Chuuya settled for a vocal response, coaxing her as gently as possible. “Hey yeah, it’s me. I’m right here. It’s gonna be okay, alright? I’m gonna get you out of here I promise. Nothings gonna happen to you, okay?” 

And he meant that, because even if that selfish mackerel didn’t protect her, he knew he had to. She didn’t belong here after all, this poor girl just got dragged into the darkness without a word. That meant it was his responsibility to pull her back into the light before it was too late. 

It didn’t matter if he couldn't’ move his limbs right now, he’d find a way. He’d get her out of here even if it was the last thing he did. 

Yet just as he thought that, the basement door seemed to swing open revealing a kid around their age, his eyes hungry and wild as he glanced at the ginger haired boy with intent. Wait, he knew this guy, Chuuya had seen him in the hallways of the port once or twice.

Ah shit, what was his name again? He couldn’t even remember. 

 He was a low level errant dog for the organization and now a part of the mafioso’s that had stepped out of line. What a stupid idiot, didn’t he know he’d hang for this kind of betrayal? 

The kid didn’t bat an eye though, simply stopping in front of his chained colleague before crossing his arms with amusement. “The great gravity manipulator, oh how hard he falls. Looks like Mori put his trust in the wrong people after all.” 

Chuuya only scoffed in response, not feeling very intimated. “Jealous bastard, looks like the boss was right, demoting you to an insignificant little nobody. Screwing him over, you just signed your own death wish.”

Humming back in response, the captive then leaned down to Chuuya’s eye level before ramming his fists into the boy’s stomach, causing him to gasp out in surprise as the kid laughed at his misery. “No, I don't think I did, considering I just got my hands on two of the most powerful and valuable pieces the port mafia has to offer.” 

The kid then clawed his fingers into Chuuya’s scalp in order to make the ginger look straight at him. “You see, once I get you and Dazai to spill Mori’s dirty little secrets and follow me instead, I’ll have more than just my freedom, I’ll have the world and not even Mori will be able to stand in our way.” 

Follow him instead? What a stupid idiot. This guy didn’t just want to break free from his lowly position, he wanted to succeed the boss as the leader of the port mafia. Such naive thinking, he really was a kid, wanting more than what was physically possible. 

So much so, Chuuya only laughed at his pathetic attempts. “Yeah? And you do know that Dazai doesn’t follow rules very well, right? Not even the boss can tie him down so good luck trying to get me and him to do jack shit.” 

And he hoped that would be enough to make this pathetic whiny kid rethink his plans but it only caused his shit eating grin to grow tenfold before letting go of Chuuya’s scalp in order to hook his fingers around the restraints holding his hands together. “Oh, but don’t you see that it’s already been proven? We have a secret weapon, after all. One that even got the fearsome Nakahara Chuuya to disarm himself willingly.”

Feeling his eyes hollow at the implication of the kid’s words, he then watched his captor slowly step away in order to turn towards the shaking and clearly fearful girl to his left. “Such power you have, a pretty little thing like you. I almost feel bad that you got caught up in all of this.” 

He then leaned down towards her in order to tap her cheek with his finger condescendingly as she tried to lean away. “I mean, my men wanted to drug you as well but that’s not the way to treat a lady, now is it? You should be thanking me for being so gentle.” 

Chuuya wanted to be sick though, watching this slimy worm touch her like that. He didn’t care if this guy was the same age as them, she was too nice of a person to be treated that awfully. And saying that she should be thanking him for his abuse? 

Fuck that, this kid was dead.  “Don’t you fucking dare, you bastard! Get away from her!” 

But with no use of his body, the ginger found it difficult to act on his threat, and his captor knew that as well, using the opportunity to roughly latch onto her cheeks and force her to look up at him with cocky resolve. 

Then, she spoke, her voice laced with so much confusion and terror that he made Chuuya’s heart break right in half.  “I-I don’t understand..what’s going on..?” 

The traitor then twisted his lips upwards before pouting them out in the most degrading way possible to make her seem stupid. “Aww poor baby, let me explain it to you in simple terms. Your boyfriend has a lot of enemies and since they can’t get to him, you're the next best thing.”

Her response was barely a whisper. “W-What..?” 

Turning his head to the side in a mocking manner, the kid then dug his nails into her cheeks a little rougher, feeling her head jerk at the sudden pain before leaning closer until she could feel his breath on her face. “Still too complex for you? I’ll dumb it down some more. We are using you to hurt him, doll.” 

He then watched her lips push together for a millisecond, almost like she was trying to hold some sort of response before finally releasing them. “H-Hurt, why me?” 

And because her display was just absolutely pathetic, the traitor let go of his hold in order to slimy run his finger across the reddened spots on her skin with a condescending hum. “Because you are the demon prodigy’s precious girlfriend, that’s why. Your sweet innocent little demeanor is just begging to be corrupted for anyone’s personal gain. What an idiot Dazai is, attaching himself to such a scared little rabbit, cocky that he’ll protect you even though he’s already failed so miserably.” 

He wondered why a man like Dazai would ever pick someone as weak as her to be his beloved treasure. Because from the looks of it, the girl was nothing special. Hell, he had even heard that she had even ran straight into the line of fire the moment she found out the guy was kidnapped. 

It was almost as if the idiot wanted to get taken hostage by acting so foolishly

What a stupid response, she didn’t stand a chance in this world, did she? 

Chuckling to himself, the kid then reached his other hand into his pocket, pulling out a switchblade and holding the knife close to her throat with psychotic glee. “I wonder what kind of expression he’ll make if I bring him a finger or an earlobe of his precious little lover? Surely he’ll be more complacent in my plans to take down Mori then, don’t you think, doll?” 

Once again, her head jerked against his hand, causing the traitor to laugh in order to push the side of his blade even closer to her neck, leaving a thin line of blood in its place and compelling her to still. 

And a second later she did, Asagao no longer fighting his hold for fear of getting her throat cut open completely. Huh, she could take orders well. What a good little doll she was. 

Yet that’s when he heard her voice again, the tone slightly more confident from her previous remarks, almost like she couldn’t help the change. “B-But hypothetically what if that Mori guy finds out about all of this? If he sees that Osamu is getting blackmailed then he won’t give him any more secrets, right?”

Her question was strangely intelligent, more so than any of the other pathetic responses she had been giving. 

So much so, the kid decided to mock her for it. “What a surprisingly diligent question for a stupid little civilian. Yes, that’s true but Mori will never find out about this conversation today so he’ll be none the wiser.” 

Shrugging his shoulders carelessly, the boy hummed. “The only ones that know about my plan are you, Chuuya and Dazai and by the end of today all of you will either be disposed of or on my side so it doesn’t matter. Nothing is getting out today. I’ve made sure of it.” 

Asagao then took in his words for a moment before replying shortly. “And what if that doesn't work? What if taking me doesn’t change anything and Osamu still doesn’t listen like Chuuya says he won’t?” 

The kid only turned his head though, like the answer was simple. “Then we’ll just kill you.” 

And that seemed to be enough for Chuuya, the boy shouting from across the room in order to break his threat immediately. “Like hell! Don’t listen to him, Asa. I won’t let anyone lay a hand on you.” 

The traitor only snorted in reply though, glancing back towards the pathetically bound ginger haired boy next to him. “Says the boy that’s completely incapacitated. Face it, Chuuya. You can’t do shit. Here, I’ll show you.” 

Leaning back down towards Asa’s eye level, the kid then reached forward in order to wrap his fingers around the large circular framed glasses that hid her expression. “Come on, doll. Let’s see those pretty tears I know you’re hiding, hmm?”

He then slowly pulled off the metal objects, a shit eating grin on his face as he waited with bated breath to see just how distraught and terrified his little hostage was. Based on her body language and response thus far it was sure to be a sight. 

Asagao immediately protested as well, trying to shift her head away with a pathetic whimper. “N-No..don’t..” 

And from the angle he was at and the drugs in his system, the ginger couldn’t see Asagao’s face, unable to turn his head in any capacity except for his wild and anxious eyes.

But even still, he could see enough as the gross bastard's fingers finally fully pulled off her glasses with a victorious chuckle despite his own threats. “I said don’t touch..!’

Yet that’s when Chuuya watched the traitor’s smile quickly fizzle away and physically flinch, reeling backwards a couple steps with wide eyes, like he was gazing at some kind of ghost or demon. “W-What the hell..” 

It was so surprising then that the kid tripped over his own feet, falling straight on his ass in order to stare hollowly at the girl before him. But what the hell was this guy seeing that was so scary? Nothing about Asagao had been scary to Chuuya. 

What could’ve possibly gained such a reaction?

But for the traitor, he couldn’t seem to look away, locked onto the hollow and dead eyes staring right through his soul, void of life, void of care. They swallowed him whole without a second thought, leaving him to drown in her own scrutiny. 

He had never seen that kind of look from anyone before. She wasn’t crying or scared at all. In fact, her eyes held no reaction whatsoever to his rough treatment, almost like it didn’t shake her in any kind of way, like nothing could shake her in any kind of way. 

Finally gaining the courage to crawl closer, the kid then reached out a shaky hand in order to pull her face closer with quiet inspection. “What an ugly beast you turned out to be. No wonder why Dazai chose you, only a demon could love a face like that.”  

His words were cruel, causing Chuuya to yell out another obscenity but the traitor hardly cared, watching as his insults did nothing to the hollow expression in her eyes, the words simply fizzling away the minute they reached her ears. 

This girl, was she even human?

Feeling a chill creep up his spine from the reaction, the kid then quickly pushed his hand up in order to cover her haunted iris’ and shove her head into the prison wall behind him with an anxious yet amused chuckle of insanity. 

What was he getting so worked up about? She was just a defenseless princess, helpless at his mercy. So what if she had scary eyes, it didn’t change the fact that he had the upper hand here, and he needed to prove that.

Because of that, the traitor sought for his power back, glancing down towards her quivering lips in order to lean closer to her ear with a breathy whisper of depravity. “But when I do this you aren’t so bad. Perhaps I should see what the executive sees in you, hmm? My, how furious he’ll be to learn that I tasted his lover like this.”

Then before Asa could speak, the kid forced his lips onto hers, shoving her further into the prison wall as Chuuya’s eyes grew livid with complete and absolute rage. That shitty traitorous bastard, just what was he doing?!

His voice bounced off the wall in an instant, forcing his body to move through the drugs to no avail as the tone turned hoarse and yet lethally dangerous. “Stop it, you bastard!! You’re so fucking dead, you hear me?! I’m gonna kill you!!” 

The traitor didn’t listen though, his palm pushing further into her blinded eyes in order to press his body closer to hers and lay claim to the one thing the demon prodigy had taken for his own. 

That’s right. He’d soil her lips, corrupt her with his touch, control her consent and then that executive would regret ever denying his orders. 

Finally pulling back a second later, he then licked his lips in a disgusting manner before removing his hands from her eyes in order to forcibly pull the bow from her hair as the wild auburn strands cascaded across her face in order to cover her expression. 

Then he playfully spun her glasses around on his fingers in order to slip them back into his pocket with a smirk. “Now that’s taken care of, I’m gonna go pay your boyfriend a visit and show him these. You better pray that he cares enough to keep you alive, doll. Or else things won’t be ending well for you.” 

Laughing to himself, the traitor then turned around in order to ascend the steps behind him and slam the door loudly before Chuuya immediately turned towards the silent girl to his left in order to shake his head with invisible pain. 

He wanted to speak to her, to tell her that everything was going to be alright but things were looking grim. He was sure that Dazai wouldn’t care about her life which meant that if he didn’t get out of here soon, things would be over for her. 

Shit, he didn’t want any of this to happen, especially to her. She was so sweet and kind to him back in that cafe, she didn’t deserve to deal with Dazai’s bullshit and now look at what happened. 

She was utterly destroyed because of the selfish desires of a demon.

------- 

Strolling melodically through the abandoned building that was now his makeshift compound, the traitor threw open the double doors in front of him in order to come face to face with the demon prodigy himself.

He looked absolutely unbothered, chained to a metal chair in the very center of the room with nothing else around it. And even though he was just as helpless as Asagao and Chuuya, it certainly didn’t feel like it. 

That was the problem with Dazai, he always seemed to have the upper hand, when in fact it was the kid that held all the power. “Ready to talk yet, executive?” 

Dazai only lifted his head absentmindedly though, absolutely calm and collected. “Nah, I don’t think I wanna..sorry..” 

He wasn’t sorry though, that much was evident from the cocky ass grin on his face. Well, then let’s see how he reacts to this. “Then maybe this will change your mind.” 

Throwing the circular glasses onto the floor in front of him, the kid then watched as Dazai’s smile slowly fell in order to stare at the ominous objects in a tense silence. 

Yes, this was it. He knew that girl was his weak point. Now he could control the great demon in whatever way he wanted. Mori was a goner. 

Yet that’s when the mafioso simply snorted at the glasses in order to laugh rather hysterically under his breath, almost like he had just seen the funniest thing known to man. 

Already growing furious from his reaction, the traitor shouted back. “What are you laughing about? Don’t you get it? I have your girl! She’s chained up and at my mercy right now along with your orange haired partner!” 

Once again though, the demon laughed even harder. “At your mercy? You really think that, huh? You and Chuuya are the same kind of stupid it seems..” 

Almost immediately, the kid felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment for his lackluster reaction. Why was he acting like that? Didn’t he understand the situation he was in at all? “S-Stupid!? I’m serious, I’ll hurt her if you don’t comply with my demands!” 

Finally getting his unruly giggles under control, the executive then narrowed his unbandaged eye in cold resolve at the traitor before simply shrugging his shoulders. “Okay, go ahead and try it.” 

Okay ahead and try it? That’s all he had to say? What the hell, what a horribly lukewarm response. This was Dazai’s girlfriend he was talking about. He should’ve been spiraling in a blind rage or begging for her release, right? 

So why was he instead coaxing him to go through with his threat? Was Chuuya right, did he truly not care about the bound auburn haired civilian he had been hanging off of all day? 

Feeling at a loss with the boy, his captor couldn’t help but stutter. “W-What? What does that mean? You really don’t care about her? That innocent stupid girl, you’ll really let her die like that?”  

The air was silent then, watching as Dazai simply took in his words before his lips curved upwards into a wince of a smile almost like he couldn’t help it. “As if she’d allow someone like you to pull the trigger.”

And there was a surprising amount of emotions behind that smile, ones that the traitor noticed but couldn’t decipher whatsoever. They felt bitter, like an unruly regret mixed with jealousy and yet soft like a hidden promise all at the same time. 

So much so, the look caused the kid to finally lose his temper and point a finger at the clearly calm mafioso. “Enough! I’ll bring the girl in here myself and then you’ll see just how serious I am. Let’s see how defiant you are when I force you to watch her bleed firsthand.” 

And he hoped that would be enough to make him crack, to shatter the carefully crafted expression that was painted on his face. He had to react to that, right? Anyone would falter when face to face with their crying and screaming lover. 

Yet that’s when Dazai simply hummed under his breath in order to turn his head towards the side with precise precision. “Oh, I wouldn’t suggest that if I were you..” 

Finally, now they were getting somewhere. At last Dazai was threatening him now. That showed that he cared in some kind of capacity. 

Twisting his lips into a lethal smirk, the traitor then leaned forward into the mafioso’s face, knowing he got under his skin. “Why, because you’ll make me regret it?” 

Although the demon then narrowed his eyes in response before pushing his lips together a sing-song tone, kicking his bound feet absentmindedly under the chair. “Wronggg, it's not me you have to worry about.” 

The response mocked him in the worst possible way, causing the kid’s anger to spike even more. What the hell did that mean? What could be more fearsome than the demon prodigy? Surely nothing. 

Shaking his head absentmindedly, the kid then brushed the comment off before turning around in order to speak as he left. “If you’re talking about Chuuya, he's been incapacitated along with the girl. No one is going to save her.” 

Yet the moment he disappeared, Dazai lifted his head up to the ceiling, a cruel and waiting smile upon his lips as he thought about the utter destruction that would be on that guy’s face when he found out the truth.  

Of course he wasn’t talking about Chuuya. 

“You're speaking as if she needs saving.” 

------

Chuuya’s sad pitiful eyes continued to stare at Asagao in pure silence as her head continued to lull down towards the ground just like how that bastard left her. 

He concluded that she must’ve been in some kind of shock, being forcibly kissed like that, it definitely hurt her immensely, so much so that he cursed Dazai’s name by the second. 

Yet that’s when he heard a pathetic little sniffle sound from her lips, causing Chuuya’s eyes to ring his alarm in order to force his groggy and sluggish head to turn even a millimeter closer to her direction. 

No, he couldn’t just sit here, he had to help her somehow. “H-Hey, it’s okay, don’t cry. You gotta keep your head up, yeah? You’re gonna get out of here I promise, then I’ll make that sorry bastard pay for touching you. I promise.” 

Even still, it didn’t stop her shaky breaths. In fact, his words just seemed to make everything worse, the girl crying a little bit louder than before, much to Chuuya’s panic. “S-Shit, no no it’s okay. I’m sorry, I’m not good at this, I’ve never had to console anyone before. Just tell me what to say, alright? Tell me whatever you need and I’ll do it. Anything, just stop cryin like that, please..” 

A second later he heard her speak, just barely above a whisper. “A-Anything?” 

Forcing his head to nod back immediately, Chuuya shouted. “Yes! I swear, you just gotta say it.” 

And he meant that with his entire heart. Anything to make her wipe that utterly hopeless aura that was around her. Anything to stop the corruption that was so clearly taking place. Hell, if she asked him to cut off his own arm he probably would’ve done it right then and there. 

Anything to bring that stupid goofy smile back onto her face. 

The air was silent then, Chuuya waiting with baited breath for her next words only to be caught off guard completely. “T-Then..can I call you Chu Chu..?” 

And to be honest, the arm decapitation example he just used seemed a lot more bearable than her actual request. She had to be kidding, right? Out of everything she could’ve possibly said, it had to be that. “H-Huh?” 

She must have sensed his displeasure though, the girl’s voice immediately shrinking back into herself as he watched her shake her head dismissively. “S-Sorry, it’s dumb. Forget it.” 

It was dumb, the stupidest thing in the entire world but although he recognized that, her sad and depressing response was enough to get him to speak without thinking. “N-No no it’s okay. You can, you can call me that.” 

But once it was said, it couldn’t be taken back, Chuuya watching Asa’s head perk up just slightly in hopeful resolve. “R-Really? You promise you won’t take it back?”

Ah hell, she really wanted this didn’t she? Was this seriously the only way she’d stop being so depressed and keep going? Because of that, Chuuya felt his throat sound in groaning defeat. 

What’s the worst that could happen, right? He wasn’t even sure if this girl was going to make it out of here alive tonight. If this is all he could do for her then so be it. 

Closing his eyes for a moment, the mafioso then opened them before replying begrudgingly. “Yeah yeah, I promise. You gotta stop crying though.”

Yet, the moment those words left his lips, Chuuya then watched as her sad and quiet sniffles seemed to evaporate into the air, almost like they never existed in the first place. “Okay!” 

Wait what? 

Feeling immediately whiplashed with confusion, the boy tried to process the reaction to no avail. Hold on, there was that feeling again, the one that gave him an unpleasant sense of deja vu. 

The one he always felt when talking to Dazai. “Huh?” 

Just then, the door slammed open again, shattering his suspicions and redirecting his attention to a group of about a dozen men as they surrounded both him and Asagao wordlessly. “H-Hey, what the hell are you doing?!” 

The men simply didn’t answer, their hands unhooking the long chains from both of their restraints before both of them were pulled up and roughly shoved towards the door. 

And soon enough the two found themselves in a large room, surrounded by other port mafia traitors as Chuuya furiously found the tied bandaged bastard in the very center, still being bound by a chair. 

There that stupid mackerel was, and if he didn’t die today then Chuuya promised that he’d be dead in another way for leaving his poor sacred girlfriend all alone tonight. 

A loud snap was overheard then, causing the men to immediately shove both the gravity manipulator and Dazai’s girlfriend on their knees before the soft click of a gun was pressed to their temples in silent wait. 

Feeling his breath sharply gasp at the sight, Chuuya immediately called out to the seemingly calm mafioso. “You better get her out of this or so help me, Dazai!” 

Dazai then pretended to think for a second before shaking his head once, enraging his partner even more. “Mmm no, I don’t think I will.” 

Gasping at the complete disregard for his own girlfriend’s safety, the boy felt like he was going to be sick with fury. After the utter hell Asagao had gone through tonight because of Dazai's own reckless actions, he still wasn’t going to save her? 

And though he should’ve expected the behavior, that didn’t make it any less awful. He thought that just maybe, there was a sliver of a chance that things were going to be different this time, that the demon would be able to see the utter helplessness in her eyes and finally give a shit for once. 

But here he was just like all the times before, destroying anything that didn’t bring him value, killing this girl with his own words right in front of her eyes. It was cruel, he was so cruel for this. 

So much so, Chuuya couldn’t take it anymore. “W-What?! You piece of shit, take that back! She’s your girlfriend and you put her in danger! Take responsibility for something in your damn life for once, will you?!” 

His yelling did nothing to shake him though, Dazai simply turning his head with absolute disinterest before the traitorous kid cut him off, sick of the melodrama that was happening around him. “That’s enough out of you. Now, Dazai. What do you say? Will you choose my offer or will you watch your precious little girlfriend die in front of your eyes? Which will it be?” 

Then as if to prove his threat, his captor snapped his fingers once more as the safety disappeared from the gun holding Asagao hostage before she seemingly shuttered. 

Poor girl, she couldn’t even look up at them to see Dazai’s betrayal. Oh how those words must’ve hurt her deeply to not even have the strength to lift her sorry head. 

Yet that’s when Dazai’s words turned into something different, something more condescending than before. “I choose the third option.” 

Feeling himself pause, the kid frowned. “Third option? But there is no third option..” 

His response only seemed to spark amusement though, coating Dazai’s entire face in order for him to narrow his eyes once more in a mocking reply. “Not that you know of, but it’s always been there. Isn’t that right, my loyal hound?” 

Chuuya only groaned in response though. Now was not the time for that stupid degrading nickname. He didn’t even know what the hell he was talking about. “Dazai, I told you to stop calling me that!” 

Dazai then closed his eyes, a calculating smile appearing on his lips before opening them with pure sick delight, almost like he had been waiting a long time to say his next words.

And when he did, everyone in the room could feel the power they held. “Oh Chuuya, this time I wasn’t talking about you.” 

Then the demon prodigy shifted his gaze from his idiot partner to the quiet and pensive girl beside him in order to speak his command loudly. “Sic ’em’.” 

Almost instantly, the air around the entire space dropped, shifting like a curse before hearing the seemingly docile and traumatized civilian’s lips start to sound in a sick twisted giggle, almost like she couldn’t hold in her excitement anymore. 

Then everyone watched as the beast from hell itself lifted her up head with a bloodthirsty and terrifying grin, shaking the very foundations of the room. “Finally! I’ve been waiting all day to play around with you. Let’s hope you make it worth my while.” 

Chuuya then blinked in utter shock before somehow finding that the situation had changed in an instant, watching as Asagao seemingly switched places with the man holding her at gunpoint. 

No, now she was on top of him, pressing her foot into his back, his stolen gun hovering above the back of his head as the man was cuffed and chained with the restraints that she had been in a millisecond before. 

Hold on, what was going on?! Had Chuuya just imagined that? He thought for sure that she was one being held captive. How did things change around so quickly? He didn’t even see her move at all. Did she move at all? 

And most importantly why was she holding that gun like a trained professional? 

She was just a civilian, right?

The men around her seemed to be unable to process the scene as well, their weapons immediately drawn in order for Asa’s excitement to spiral tenfold at the smell of a fight. “Well then, who’s first?”

Gritting his teeth, the leader of the group then pointed his finger out to the crazed woman before shouting roughly. “Get her!” 

Then all at once, every single thug raced towards her all at once, causing Asagao’s fingers to shake with that all too familiar adrenaline she loved to drown herself in. “Oh, I’m gonna enjoy this...” 

And Chuuya could feel the shift immediately, the lingering and lethal aura around her entire body as she practically shivered with growing anticipation for the oncoming threat. 

Almost like she was daring them to live up the challenge of pleasing her insatiable appetite.

Yet before they could reach her, the girl seemingly disappeared from beside the ginger haired boy, the thugs gasping in order to feel a hand on their shoulder, tapping them condescending from behind. “Looking for someone?” 

The armed man then turned around only for their gun to point at the intruder before finding absolutely no one there. Hold on, they could’ve sworn they heard a voice. 

Blinking once again, Chuuya then found a flash of turquoise, the fluffy princess skirt swaying in silent wait as she stood in front of him with her back turned and arms outstretched. “Come on, give me a real fight! Show me what you got!” 

She was taunting them, mocking them to attack her to which they complied, the men quickly turning back around in order to give her what she asked for, much to her very obvious excitement. 

Yet the moment one of them swung their arms across, Asagao was gone, appearing by his side in order to dodge his measly hit like it meant absolutely nothing to her.

And try as they may, none of the lowly thugs could even touch her, the girl moving too fast in and out of reality for them to even comprehend where she was before hitting thin air instead. 

It was like she was doing it on purpose also, purposely slipping just out of reach in order to toy with the newest pieces she had acquired for her sick little game. 

Yet with each miss the men seemed to grow more and more furious, their senses heightened before finally landing a powerful and painful blow to her stomach. Finally, now she would be sorry and pay for her games. 

Although that’s when they heard Asagao simply laugh, holding the pained area with even more unriddled adrenaline and sick delight. “Now that’s what I’m talking about! Ah, you’re making me wanna show off now!” 

Chuuya then watched in stunned horror as the men around him suddenly started screaming as bleeding bullet wounds appeared like some sort of sick curse, shooting through their arms, legs and other non fatal patches of skin in order for them to crumble with breathless panic. 

What the hell was going on? What kind of ability was this? Was this seriously Asagao? No, it couldn’t be. He couldn’t believe it. This was like an invisible bloodbath, the bullets in the girl's gun causing mass casualty in a mere second.  

Then his thoughts were brought back in order to see the man next to him seemingly clutch onto his chest in agony as the arm holding the gun to the ginger's head snapped unnaturally in the wrong direction, causing him to drop the weapon in an instant. 

Not knowing what to say, Chuuya then wordlessly stared as Asagao appeared beside him, her face unseen and body moving behind him as the boy couldn’t help but question absolutely everything. 

A million thoughts ran through his mind but only one seemed to break through the silence, causing his lips to waver with uncertainty. “H-How?” 

He needed to know, more than anything else. How did she do this? How had she managed to take down so many enemies in the span of seconds. It had to be an ability of some kind. But what was it?  

Yet that’s when he felt her fingers brush against the restraints behind his back, touching the skin silently before Chuuya gasped at the world around him. 

Suddenly, everything was still, like someone had just hit pause on the entire fight. 

The thugs that had been running towards them seemed petrified in place, their arms outstretched like statues or strange stagnant art pieces. Hold on, was this her ability? Was this how she was able to move so quickly and hurt all those people with ease? 

Feeling her fingers fiddle with the cuffs behind him, Chuuya then sharply drew in a breath before the metal restraints fell towards the ground and the world to reanimate with just as much noise and shouting as it had been a few seconds before. 

Suddenly things started to make more sense. Her ability stopped time, didn’t it? He had gotten it wrong, she wasn’t moving too fast for him to comprehend, she was simply taking advantage of the suspended moments in order to seem invisible. 

The very thought made Chuuya shiver unexpectedly. What a scary power that was, being able to manipulate the world around her while everyone else stood clueless. And was this just showing off? The thought was absolutely terrifying to think about, how she could bring down such a large group of men without a single touch. 

Just who in the hell was this woman?

Dazai on the other hand just stared wordlessly at the carnage, the screams and shouts of pain deaf inside his ears as he watched Odasaku’s sister take down one measly thug after another. 

He knew she was powerful but this was the first time he had seen the extent of her ability up close. When they spared together she was fast sure, but she was never this fast, the girl always opting to hold back in order not to seriously injure him on accident.

But right now there were no boundaries, her opponents didn’t have the same mercy that he was given, and now he was seeing her for the very first time, in all her hellhound glory. 

The meticulous shots, the absolute carnage she could conjure from seemingly nothing, it was all on display right before his very eyes. 

And he loved every minute of it. 

Sure, to most the scene would’ve been alarming, sending even the most daring people away immediately. But not Dazai. To him the blood and the gruesome sight only enhanced a part of her that he found absolutely enthralling. 

Blinking once in pride, Dazai then paused in order find Asagao standing in front of him, someone else’s blood on her turquoise princess dress, a stolen loaded gun hanging by her side and an unruly mane of red fiery auburn falling around her face as she stared at him with that very familiar dead hollow gaze that captured him time and time again. 

The sight caused a breath to lodge in his throat without permission. 

God, she was so different than anything he had ever seen before, commanding his attention and drawing him in without a single word. 

Sure, she had always been pretty. He wasn’t blind. For someone as experienced as he was with intimacy even Dazai could decipher when someone was pleasing to the eye. 

It was never about that though. His relationships were merely an indifference of appearance, an uneven scale to what they could offer him. Beauty was a shallow thing, doing nothing for the boy rather than one night of indulgence before he quickly got bored. 

He just never cared about appearance in the kind of way that other normal boys did. It simply wasn’t a factor in the equation for him. 

Personal gain was what mattered most which meant that the boy had no desire in things that wouldn’t end with that result. 

He never sought after giving gifts or special treatment with frivolous promises that he knew he couldn’t ever keep.

Which was why it was so strange that he had changed his self made rule the day he walked by that hauntingly alluring teal and turquoise dress hanging in the window by the port mafia base. 

It was almost like he couldn’t help it, his eyes immediately drawn to the fabric and losing himself in the color that he knew so well. 

And he tried to ignore it, by god did he try, but it seemed that whenever he tried to leave he always seemed to find himself back at that store window. 

Not only that, wandering thoughts haunted him wherever he went, imagining how the brightly colored hue would look against her skin and fitted around her curves over and over like on repeat.

Then before he could even comprehend what he was doing, the item was in between his fingers inside a frilly pink bag, clashing against his broody and black style almost immediately. 

She didn’t seem to mind his moment of weakness though. On the contrary, Asagao was overjoyed by the dress, spinning around with it against her chest in a happy little circle when she received it. 

But when she asked him why he had done such a thing, even he couldn’t give himself an answer. 

Those thoughts kept him occupied most of the day, his eyes staring at her with silent conjecture while sitting in that cafe. 

At the time, he just didn’t understand what coaxed him into doing such a thing, into breaking the very clearly placed rules that he had set for himself. 

Yes she looked good when she first tried it on, fitting the idealistic clean and expected air of normality. Not a hair was out of place, each wrinkle carefully pressed and tuned to orderly demure. 

But staring at her right now, Dazai realized that it was so much more than that. 

Because what he was looking at now couldn’t be described, not in anything that Dazai could perceive in his own fucked up mind but there were words, fractured syllables and sentences that still broke through the silence.

A rarity, a one of a kind wonder, a gem of absolute unique brilliance. It wasn’t something that just anyone could understand the value of. 

Suddenly, everything started to make sense, his lips falling open with careful realization.

That put together version of her was nice but this was the version that made everything inside him flatter and malfunction. 

Everything about her now was wild, unkempt and messy, insanity mixing with sensibility, and Dazai couldn’t get enough of it. 

She was absolutely radiant, the blood on her dress and the cold lifeless look in her eyes causing him to sharply breathe in a light headed air. 

Those foolish idiots that overlooked her all those years just didn’t get it. They took one look at her and claimed her as unfinished. They only saw and labeled her as unworthy, as a faulty result.. 

But in this moment, Dazai only saw perfection. 

And he was damn glad that he had broken those rules and bought her that dress. 

So much so, his dazed expression couldn’t help but soften at the sight, his lips speaking out without permission. “Stunning..”

Almost instantly though, the boy seemed to catch himself, screwing his lips shut with embarrassment before feeling slightly more self continuous then before. What was that, why did that slip out so suddenly?

He didn’t mean for that to happen.

Yet that’s when Asagao simply smiled, her lips mimicking his gentle expression before reaching her hand out of him. “There you are, Osamu. I missed you.”

Feeling his heart tumble inside his chest at her words, Dazai then watched her use her ability to disappear before he felt the chains around his arms and chest start to loosen all at once. “Now sit still, I’m here to save the princess.”

A second later, he felt movement return to his muscles before he rubbed the marks on his wrists silently. Sure, he could’ve gotten out of this way sooner but having Asagao help him was so much better than him doing it himself. 

So, instead he acted dumb and let her be his knight in shining armor. 

Then once he was standing Asa gave him a sideways glance in order to hear about a dozen more men enter the large empty space before sliding the stolen pistol she had acquired into his palm. “Here. Now let’s have some fun. What do you say?”

And both Asagao and Dazai knew the lure of such a thing was far too appealing to be ignored, the demon prodigy simply smiling with acknowledgment in order to take the weapon gladly. 

Before finally turning back to her with a look filled with lingering adrenaline and absolute adoration. 

“You know I could never resist such a tempting offer. Especially from you, love.”

-------

Forcing his tired and woozy legs to function onto his knees, Chuuya huffed out a struggling breath from the other side of the room in order to join the fight now that he had his ability back. 

Before snapping his head back up at the sound of gunfire once more. 

But this time what he found wasn’t just Asagao but rather Dazai as well, working in tandem just like he had witnessed back at the karaoke bar earlier today, their steps concise and hypervigilant as they raised their fists and weapons towards the group of traitors. 

And though he hated even thinking about it, Chuuya couldn’t help but be awed at the sight just like he was during their silly little performances. There was just something about it, the way they both narrowly avoided their hits by a mere millisecond, predicting and adapting in real time before his very eyes. 

Hell, even Chuuya knew he was never this in tune with his own partner. It was almost as if the two rehearsed this shit or something considering it was so flawless. 

Grumbling at the implication, the ginger then activated his ability in order for the rest of the men around them to seemingly collapse under the suffocating weight of their own gravity, rendering the threat gone before those two freaks could finish picking them off. 

Dazai then perked his head up before whistling back loudly to the fuming dog. “Finally you do something useful. I was starting to think you were just gonna make us do all the work.” 

Rolling his eyes, the boy grumbled back. Did he not just see that he had been drugged, chained and beaten up until now? “Shut up, you damn mackerel. This was all your fault in the first place.”

The executive then opened his mouth to speak again only for the so-called “leader” of the traitors to do so for him, his eyes howling at the absolute desecration and bloody carnage around him before speaking distantly. “I don’t understand. What happened?”

His men, his following, they were all gone except for him. And it was all because of that woman, the one that he had foolishly painted as an innocent civilian. 

Dazai then lifted his hand up casually, stepping around one of the unconscious bodies with ease. “I can answer that question. You see, I knew from the extent of our scheduled meeting that you had plans for an uprising against the port mafia, so I decided to have a little fun with it.” 

The words were lost in his ears though. “A little fun..?” 

Nodding once, the demon then extended his hand out to the blood covered female beside him before smiling maliciously. “But I knew that you’d never be dumb enough to target me directly. Enemies find weakness after all, and nothing is more weak than that of a defenseless lover, right?” 

Asagao then smirked before putting her wrists together to mimic the chains that were once around her. “Tell me, was I a good enough target for you to kidnap?” 

And although the traitor was certainly taken back by their words, Chuuya was the one that felt his mouth drop open with a brain numbing malfunction. No, it couldn’t be. 

He had criticized Dazai all day for putting his girlfriend in danger, for flaunting her in public and in the eyes of enemies without a care in the world. But all of that dismissal, it was on purpose, it was to make her the target all along. 

Everything began to make sense now. Their place in front of that large bay window overlooked the crowded streets, the way Dazai clung to her like a desperate lover and showed extreme pda for everyone to see. 

It was because he knew that these guys were watching, and the two of them were just giving them the show they wanted to see. 

What shady little freaks. They knew that they would end up here all along, didn’t they? All this time, the two of them had planned all of this to take down the port mafia traitors without them knowing. 

 That bastard's reaction, the one that Chuuya had been fuming over, it wasn’t based on disinterest. It was based on calculation. 

That’s why he didn’t jump at the chance to save her. Chuuya thought he was just being cruel but perhaps that wasn’t the case at all. Perhaps he had counted on her from the very start. 

 Could it really all have been an act all this time? The cruelty, the discard, was it all lies or just an over exaggerated version of the truth? 

The ginger didn’t know the answer but what he did know was that by trusting Asagao to go this far, Dazai was already far out of his usual character.  Suggesting that perhaps the affection for this girl ran deeper than even Dazai seemed to realize. 

The kid then stuttered back, unable to grasp onto the slipping power that he once had by the second before countering.  “I-I doesn’t matter. No one will believe that I turned into a traitor. My men are loyal to me. Even if you kill me you have no proof of what happened here today.” 

Yeah, that’s right. His friends had been sworn to secrecy. Even torture wouldn’t reveal his true intentions to cause harm to the port mafia. 

Yet that's when Asagao simply turned her head in question. “Oh, you mean proof like this?” 

Lifting her hand up, the girl then ran a couple fingers across the wild auburn strands before pulling out a small tiny bobby pin in order to push the button of the side as a very familiar voice filled the air. 

His voice. 

“You see, once I get you and Dazai to spill Mori’s dirty little secrets and follow me instead, I’ll have more than just my freedom, I’ll have the world and not even Mori will be able to stand in our way.” 

And just like that, his entire regime crumbled before his very eyes, the hands by his side turning so white from rage that he couldn’t slow it. This bitch, she was recording him this whole time, coaxing him into revealing his plan. 

It was over, everything was over. It didn’t matter if he got away today, he was a dead man either way. “Y-You..what..” 

Asagao then turned her head to the side, her lips protruding in a mocking fashion before reveling in his downfall. “Aww poor baby, still too complex? Let me dumb it down for you some more. You’ve been played, doll.” 

Those words, they were the same ones he had taunted her with and yet now they slapped right back into his face, making his entire body redden with embarrassment. How dare she treat him like an idiot and condescend him like that. 

He was supposed to be the one with the power. Not her. 

Dazai then laughed cynically at the dumbfounded face of his enemy before wrapping his bandaged arms around Asa’s waist in order to speak plainly. “All of you are so stupid, undermining her like nothing when my girl is way more capable than any of you will ever be.” 

The way he spoke those words, they were so prideful and laced with admiration, two things that no one in the room thought a demon was capable of except the girl beside him. 

And the second he said it, Asagao felt her eyes widen a fraction of an inch before a flustered blush crept into her cheeks without permission

His girl. 

He just called her his girl . 

 Osamu had never done that before. 

Yet that seems to be the last straw for the faltering villain, Dazai’s words causing the kid to scream with fury, his hand reaching outwards as red lethal strings started to seep from his fingertips in order to face the unbothered girl across from him. 

How dare Dazai’s girlfriend make him look like a fool. She was going to regret that more than anything. “Y-You deceiving bitch! You ruined everything! I’m gonna kill you!” 

Chuuya’s eyes immediately widened anxiety, the red glow of his ability threatening to seep out before he watched Dazai simply step in front of her the girl, shielding her from the hit as the bandaged boy’s ability nullified the attack the second it threatened to touch him.

 Faltering a single step back, the kid then physically flitch as Asagao’s smile dropped at the attempt on Osamu before his blood run cold.  The traitor then felt his ribs crying in pain as both his legs snapped without warning, bringing him down to his knees before crumbling towards the cement floor with a scream filled with so much agony and ear shattering torture. “F-Fuck, you broke my legs?!”

Snapping his head up in fury, the kid then froze as Asagao’s hollow and lifeless stare met his shaky one, her finger cocking the pistol in her hands in silent wait. 

  She then turned her gun slightly before speaking. “I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, I can do much worse. Wanna see?” 

Placing her finger immediately over the trigger, the traitor gasped in horror as she took the shot, his eyes squeezing shut with a pathetic little scream. 

This was it, it was over. No, he didn’t wanna die! Please no, anything but that. He was still a kid! 

Yet that’s when he heard the bullets from the chamber clatter onto the floor with a careful cling, like she had emptied them before pulling the trigger. But how?

 It must have been her ability that changed his fate at the last second. That was the only explanation. 

Narrowing her cold eyes, Asa then lowered her hand down, disarming herself with a hiss. “But, I refuse to go back to that, especially for someone as insignificant and ugly as you.” 

She spoke them like a mantra, like they weighed more than her life itself, so much so the kid felt his lips quiver out a breath of relief. 

The calm was short lived though, the kid watching as Asa’s nose then scrunched with disgust as her hand began to shake on the gun by her side. 

 It was almost as if she was holding herself back from breaking that promise, the emptiness in her eyes revealing only murder and destruction. 

 And Asagao, she could feel it. The adrenaline, the training she had been given as a child sounded in her head, begging her to finish the job as she has been conditioned to do. 

But even so, she withheld, the girl allowing a crazed chuckle to seep from her lips instead to release some of her insanity. “And you’re damn lucky I’m not an assassin anymore otherwise every single shot I just delivered would’ve been fatal. Let that sink in, will you? How easily I could’ve ended every single one of your lives with a snap of my fingers.” 

At the sound of her words, Chuuya’s gaze then shifted towards the multitude of unconscious and bleeding bodies around them, the warehouse looking more like a graveyard more than a building now. 

Was she serious? Every single shot, every place she hit was deliberate? That was absolutely crazy. 

Then again, it made sense. No one could blindly shoot and miss someone’s vitals every single time like that. Even a shitty wielder would’ve gotten lucky at least once. 

How absolutely terrifying, to know that this girl could’ve killed everyone in the room if she really wanted to. Hell, the fact that she held back honestly felt scarier than just getting the job done. 

Because now there was the lingering dread hanging in the air, signifying that they were one breath away from an absolute bloodbath. 

Sucking in a heavy breath, Asa then purposely stepped on his broken leg, causing her captor to cry out before smiling sweetly. “Now that you understand, I’m gonna explain it to you in simple terms, Kay? Don’t mess with my boyfriend again, or else you’re really gonna piss me off, and trust me. You don’t wanna do that.”

Almost immediately the kid nodded back, the pain of the pressure on his shattered bone creating black spots in his eyes.

Oh god, Dazai was right. He was the least scary thing in the room right now. That demon was nothing in comparison to the psychotic unpredictability of Asagao. 

That reaction seemed to be enough for her though, finally allowing the pressure to disperse before putting the pistol by her side. “Great, glad we could come to an understanding.”

Closing her eyes, Asa then turned around with a lazy shrug of her shoulders, speaking mostly to herself. “But don’t think you’re completely off the hook yet. I mean, I still have no idea what to do with you but you gotta pay for some things.”

She then paused for a moment before touching her bottom lip with a small pout of disappointment. “That was my first kiss too..”

Suddenly, all the air seemed to get pushed out of her lungs as Asagao felt a rough hand grab onto her forearm, pulling her backward and into a very familiar patch of black fabric. 

Widening her eyes, Dazai’s arms then pressed her face against his chest before swiping the gun by her side in order to immediately shoot the traitor without a second thought. 

Killing him instantly. 

And not only that, he kept on shooting, each bang erupting more final than the last as each bullet pierced the corpse of the boy over and over again. 

 It was only when the soft click resounded that his finger lifted from the trigger in order for Asa to finally pry herself away from his hold in order to look at the dead body silently. 

Shifting her gaze upward, Asa then paused, noticing the absolute murder in her boyfriend’s eyes, the iris’ still trained to the body like he was in some sort of dark loop. 

She had never seen that kind of look from him before in the year she had known him. Was this the true form of the infamous demon prodigy she had heard so much about? 

There was something else there as well. An anger, a wrath she couldn’t quite reach. So dead and yet so emotional at the same time, drowning silently in a torment unknown to her. 

This was the first time he’d killed in front of her and thought she wasn’t traumatized in any way, the girl was certainly surprised. 

Huh, that guy must’ve said something he really hated. 

Humming to herself in silent thought, Asa then crouched down beside the body before poking his chest with her finger absentmindedly. “Well, that solves that problem I guess.”

And now that the enemy was eradicated, Chuuya’s mind seemed to have more time to process whatever the hell just happened

Sure, seeing Dazai kill that guy was disturbing but it wasn’t anything new. Besides, that wasn’t what he focused on the most. That bastard had it coming anyways. 

But what did bother him was the absolute personality shift he had just seen from the seemingly sweet and innocent Asagao. 

No, there was something odd about all this, and it was more than just her ability or her animistic fighting style. 

Determined to get his answer, Chuuya then stomped up to the occupied girl, the back of her auburn hair appearing across his vision. “You two better tell me what the hell is going on right now! You’re telling me all of that shit was an act?!”

 Slowly standing up from the sound of his voice, Asagao only chuckled at his desperation, finding it absolutely hysterical.  “Come on, Chu Chu. It was all in good fun.”

Fun? Yeah right, she called getting drugged, chained and beaten fun? Maybe for a psychopath or something but certainly not for him. 

 Just then, his throat began to groan at the sound of that god awful nickname again. “Don’t call me that.” 

 Putting her hands on her hips, Asa only hummed. “But you said I could.”

And yes, that was true but he only said that in a desperate attempt to raise her spirits. Why in the hell would he ever let her continue that, especially after Dazai came up with such an annoying plan and dragged him into it. 

Grumbling all at once, the ginger frowned’ “Yeah well, I take it back.”

Although that’s when he heard her chuckle even more, the sound resounded through the space before finally turning around to face him.  “Oh silly Chu Chu, did you forget already?”

Yet nothing could’ve prepared him for what he found when she finally locked eyes with him fully for the very first time, a sick twisted grin present of her lips as she finished mockingly. 

Almost as if to say “ I won” in silent victory.  “You promised me that you wouldn’t, remember?”

Feeling all the blood drain from his face, Chuuya took in the words slowly before shivering at the cold dead look in her eyes. 

It was a look that was so sickeningly familiar, one he had only ever seen on only one other person in his entire life. 

A person he hated more than anyone else in the entire world. 

And now it was staring back at him, stunning him to complete silence. Hold on, wait. 

That didn’t mean..

Then all at once, the realization crashed into him without warning. The reason why Dazai kept her around, the reason why he was always filled with an unpleasant deja vu every time he was around her..

Shaking his dead in denial, Chuuya shoved the thought away, wanting anything then to believe that it’s true. No, anything but that. “Oh fuck no..”

Taking a shaky step backwards Asa then turned her head in confusion only for the ginger to point a shaky finger from Dazai to her and finally connect the dots.

No, it couldn’t be. Please let it be a lie. “There’s two of you..you’re like him..”

And the cocky grin from Asa gave him all the confirmation he needed to know. 

His worst nightmare had come true.

She wasn't a civilian, she was just as bad as Dazai. 

------

Chapter 18:

To say that Chuuya was unprepared for this night was a massive understatement. In fact, it was the biggest understatement of his entire life. 

Because staring him directly in the face was the sickest joke in the entire universe, one that the ginger didn’t think would have been possible until now. 

If there was one thing that was absolutely certain to him, it was that he hated Dazai. More than anything else on the planet, more than his entire body even allowed, he despised every single thing that even had the hint of him blended in. 

Everything associated made his skin crawl on command, like a fight or flight response he couldn’t control no matter how hard he tried.  

It was all that bastard’s fault for making him that way though. Poor boy had been mentally tortured, been stuck on the wrong side of his sick games and had been dragged through the rigger so many times that he had been conditioned to feel his skin crawl at the mere mention of the bandaged demon. 

But as much as Chuuya loathed him, there was a single solitary idea that made him feel the tiniest better. Sure, it wasn’t much but it still gave him some kind of delusional hope sometimes. 

And that was the fact that there was only one of him. 

Yes, the guy was messed up in the head but he was also unique, so much so that Chuuya found solace in the idea that there could be no else in the world that could match how evil and despicable he was.  

He had found hints, pieces of the demon, sure, but never a full copy of the devil and Chuuya truly believed that such a thing couldn’t have been possible. 

No one could match him in that kind of way, enough to bring the same kind of furious rage and disgust that always seemed to harbor inside of him whenever Dazai was mentioned. 

Yet all of that wishful thinking had been shattered tonight, the ginger staring fearfully at the bouncing and giddy auburn haired devil before him, staring directly into his soul as a familiar case of deja vu slammed into him without permission. 

Only then did he realize that he had been wrong this entire time. 

Almost instantly, he felt his throat forcibly close up without permission in order for his hands to turn numb as blinding white rage to course into him, taking over each one of his senses like a plague.

No, it couldn’t be. Her eyes, he had seen them a million times before, staring him right in the face, laughing at him, making fun of him, taunting him over and over again. Just like that bastard , just like the man he hated more than anything else..

This girl, this whole time she had given him that same feeling, the one that he thought was impossible to copy, the one that he wholeheartedly believed couldn’t be duplicated in any captivity. 

She was just like Dazai. 

It was so hard to believe, so hard to comprehend from the seemingly innocent civilian he had met only twice and if someone told him that before tonight he would’ve laughed at them. 

But all of this, every single thing that happened today was a set up, a fucking joke that he got dragged into without his consent. He had been played, manipulated without even knowing it by these two sick fucks. 

And that last sentence of hers, the cocky ass tone of her voice had sealed the deal like a slap in the face. 

She had pretended to be in distress just so he would agree to her stupid fucking nickname, even made him promise to keep it forever cause she knew he’d wanna take it back when he found out. 

What a manipulative little brat, and from the creepy way she was eying him, it was obvious that she knew that as well, a victorious shit eating grin still plastered on her lips as it felt like she was mocking him wordlessly. 

Okay, but seriously, what the fuck was up with her eyes? No sane person looked like that. They were so cold and empty, almost like they lacked a soul or any signs of life. 

They kinda freaked him out, and that was saying a lot because Chuuya had seen millions of fucked up things in his life. 

But the way she looked at him, it made his skin crawl in a new and unexplainable way. 

God damn it, she was a psychopath just like that bandaged wearing freak and he didn’t even see it.  “There’s two of you..you’re like him..”

Watching her take a step closer to him, Chuuya instinctively took one back, still unsure how to process the new information as Asa clapped her hands excitedly. “I know! Isn’t it great?” 

Then he watched Asa simply turn around before lifting her hands straight up in order to press them against Dazai’s palms with a happy squeak. “Ah! That was so much fun, Samu! Thanks for setting all this up. I’m all energized now!’ 

The bandaged boy then shifted his fingers around in order to clasp them around her hands and pull her closer with a mimicking smile of his own. “Anything for you, my darling. It was certainly a treat for me also, getting to see that big scary hellhound side of yours. Now if only those fingers of yours would wrap around my throat next. Then I'd truly be able to die happy!” 

Asa only laughed though, pulling one of her hands away in order to ruffle his messy brown locks with a shake of her head. “Oh Samu, you’re so silly. You know if I did that then it would be a very painful way to go.” 

Dazai shook his head in response, using his free hand to reach around to the back of her waist in order to pull her even closer with a hum of satisfaction. “Nothing could be painful when I have a beautiful woman like you next to me, love.”

Asa didn’t react though, the girl clearly comfortable in his possessive hold before tilting her head slightly to the side. “Oh by the way, I’ve been meaning to ask. Chuuya said that you were cheating on me at karaoke. What did you two talk about?” 

Waving the idea away, Dazai groaned at the memory. “Oh, it was nothing. I just asked her to commit double suicide with me.” 

His words only caused her to nod though, answering casually. “Ah, and how did it go?” 

Flopping his head dramatically on her shoulder, Dazai cried pathetically into the open space. “She turned me down. Alas! Another dead end, I had a good feeling about her too. Whatever will I do now, Asa-chan?” 

Asagao’s expression then softened before placing a hand on his fluffy hair in order to tousle it with reassurance. “It’s okay, Samu. You just gotta stay positive and keep trying. You never know, the next person you ask might say yes.” 

Pouting his lips, Osamu whined back. “But staying positive is hard..” 

The auburn haired girl then smiled to herself before shifting her hand to the back of his head in order to cradle in against her shoulder with a gentle hum. “Then I’ll just have to do it for you.” 

And sure, the bastard’s pickup lines were disgusting but his words seemed to unlock something within Chuuya, his numb and weightless fingers squeezing together until his knuckles turned white with a frantic shout. “Great? How could you say that it’s great? This is my worst fucking nightmare!”

Why in the hell was she so calm about this, couldn’t she read the room? She had knowingly screwed him over and she was still just smiling there with an idiot with those dead ass eyes.

In fact, it was strange. She sounded happy and her lips clearly reflected the same but her eyes still didn’t change, almost like they were unable to. But did that mean that her emotions were fake all this time, just like her acting tonight? 

Hell, he really didn’t know anything about this girl, did he? 

Was all this innocent and kind shit just an act also? Because from the way nothing reached her soulless eyes it currently seemed like it. 

And listening to her and Dazai’s sick conversation, it just made his realization even more real. The way they just talked dying and suicide like it was nothing. The way she casually brushed off the mackerel’s cheating habits and didn’t even flinch. 

What the hell was wrong with these two freaks?! 

The girl then dropped her hands, the smile falling from her lips in order for it to turn to Chuuya with confusion before she spoke calmly. “Sorry Chuuya but I don’t understand your reaction. You said that I could call you Ch Chu once I get your permission, right? I did ask you and you said yes. What’s so wrong with that?”

Didn’t understand his reaction? Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. Now he knew that she was screwing with him. How could anyone not understand the shit she put him through tonight? 

Even Dazai was always self aware of the torture he implemented so he knew she was the same. “Are you serious!? What’s wrong is that I thought you were in distress and you took advantage of the situation like a shitty ass person!”

He didn’t even know why he was explaining this, it was obvious. Of course he’d be pissed over Asa purposely manipulating him while he was in a vulnerable state to get what she wanted. 

Yet he was taken back when Asagao’s brow twisted down in silent thought, almost like she hadn’t made that connection in her brain before turning back to Chuuya with a frown. “I did? But how else was I supposed to do it?”

Feeling himself pause, Chuuya’s eye began to twitch in response. This couldn’t be real, right? She was still messing with him, she had to be. 

Why in the hell was she speaking so innocently and asking such stupid questions when she was the one that came up with the plan to trick him? It was common sense to not turn to manipulation like she had. Did she really not understand that? 

Not believing a word out of her mouth, Chuuya scoffed. “Literally any other way! Is your brain broken or something? Normal people don’t turn to manipulation when they want something!” 

He then watched her soak in his response before putting a finger to her lips in silent thought, almost like his words were genuinely mind breaking ones that she hadn't had before this moment. 

And it looked so real, the way she contemplated the words with clear curiosity, so much so that even Chuuya questioned her act. 

If she was still faking then she was pretty damn good at it because right now it actually looked like she was struggling to understand what he was saying. 

After a moment, Asagao finally dropped her finger before nodding mostly to herself, almost like she was taking an invisible note. “Hmm I see. I guess I did it wrong then.”

Chuuya’s mouth then dropped open with disbelief. She was just figuring that out? No, this had to be an act, no one was that dumb. “You think?! That should be obvious. You seriously can’t be that dense, right?” 

Looking up to meet him again, Asagao, then reached a hand to the back of her neck before giving an awkward uncomfortable chuckle under her breath. “Ahh well..” 

Yet before she could finish, a pair of bandaged arms slung around her shoulder, causing her to stumble back in order for Dazai to rest his head on her shoulder casually.  “Now Chibi, don’t be rude. You’re her birthday present after all. Try to be a little less stupid, will you?”

And though the insult was not lost on him, the first part of his sentence stuck out more than the second, another warning bell flashing inside his mind.  “Excuse me? What the hell does that mean?”

Asagao then brightened up immediately, bouncing on her heels as she spoke. “Oh yeah! Samu set all this up so we could meet again. He knew how much I wanted to see you, so for my birthday..” 

Nodding once, Dazai finished plainly.“...I lent my dog out for a playdate.” 

Almost immediately, Chuuya grumbled at the stupid degrading name, his anger growing by the second. 

Asa didn’t see anything wrong with his statement though, her dead eyes staring straight through Chuuya’s soul with sick delight. “Yeah! And it was the best present ever! I figured out your relationship with Osamu the first time we met and ever since then I’ve been just itching to see his dog in action! And boy, did you not disappoint!”  

All at once, Asa’s fingers then slid up to his bandaged arms before gripping the gauzed wrist silently in order to give in a tiny squeeze. “Honestly, this whole day has been amazing. Getting to fight and screw over those traitors all in one night? Ah, you really know how to treat a girl, Osamu. I’ll tell you that.” 

Dazai simply responded by pushing the arms around her even tighter, his head still frozen on her shoulder before his lips dropped down into a darker expression, nuzzling himself further into her neck to hide the sight. 

Not everything had gone to plan after all. 

There was a miscalculation on Dazai’s part, one that he still wanted to skin someone alive for at this very moment. But the last thing he desired was to ruin her night with his lethal and twisted thoughts. Especially when she looked so happy right now. 

So instead, Dazai kept them to himself, his cold gaze shifting over to the mutilated body just a couple feet away from them as he counted the bullet holes in the traitor's skin. Not enough. He deserved a million more. 

Yet the pair were finally brought back from their two different realities when Chuuya lifted up a hand in their direction, his voice loud and angry for what they were implying. “Hold on a damn minute, I am not some kind of thing you can just lend out whenever the fuck you feel like it!” 

Dazai was thankful for his outburst though, giving him something else to focus on besides the deadly ideas in the back of his mind. Making fun of the slug always seemed to bring him back to earth, given that it was his favorite pastime. 

And right now was no expectation, the boy purposely saying the words that would infuriate him the most. “Oh but you are, I just don’t understand why anyone would want you. But my darling was adamant on seeing your short, stupid, ugly face again so who was I to argue?” 

Almost immediately, the dog did as intended, Chuuya’s face turning red with fury, as he took a challenging step closer to the couple with intent. Oh yeah, he was definitely snapping. Took a lot longer this time, perhaps that’s because he still didn’t know what to make of Asa yet. Stupid slug. 

Chuuya on the other head was livid, his entire body shaking with rage as that same disgusting feeling of hatred coursed through him like a curse. Just what the fuck was this guys problem, calling him ugly and short?! He’d make him eat those words, just you wait!

Yet that’s when Asagao simply stepped away from Dazai, her brow turning down in a disapproving frown for a way things were playing out.  “Aww come on, Samu. That’s not very nice..”

It sounded like she was scolding him and for a second Chuuya thought he saw her humanity. He had painted her as a copy of Dazai but perhaps that wasn’t the case. Maybe she had some good in her after all. 

Yet that’s when Asa simply pointed to the ginger before finishing plainly. “It’s not Chu Chu’s fault that he’s short.” 

And just like that, any good natured thing he had thought for her flew out the window. 

Short, she called him short. That’s it, that’s fucking it. 

God damn it, she was making fun of him also, wasn’t she? Calling him short, indirectly not pointing out the stupid or ugly comment on purpose so that it was implied as truth, what a shady horrible girl picking out his insecurities like that.  

Both of them were insufferable, the two feeding off one another’s energies and throwing it back in his face. Chuuya was sick of it. He didn’t want to hear it anymore. One Dazai was bad enough, but two? No, that’s where he drew the line. 

Shaking his head in order to quell his anger, Chuuya scoffed. “Unbelievable..” 

Then the boy turned around before leaving the scene as fast as possible. He may be stuck with that bastard but that didn’t mean he had to stick around just to be tortured by another sick twisted demon. 

Yet just before he reached his escape, he felt a hand tug on his sleeve, stopping him immediately. “Hey, wait a second..”

Grumbling immediately, Chuuya shook off the touch like poison, sharply turning around to find that Asagao had followed him to the exit. Oh you’ve got to be kidding me, hadn’t she done enough? Why couldn’t he get rid of her?  

Not saying anything for the fear of exploding, the boy then watched as her soulless stare cut through heart with a cold chill in order for her to smile in his direction. “I was just wondering if you’d wanna be friends with me?” 

Excuse me? 

No, he must’ve heard that wrong because there was so way this girl had just asked that. The very same girl that had manipulated him and made him look like an idiot was now asking to be his friend? Yeah right, what a joke. 

Feeling his eyes twitch once more, Chuuya gave an empty laugh. “Are you kidding me?” 

Asa only frowned though, that same confused and perplexing look on her face in order to tilt her head slightly. “No..I don’t think so..?” 

Her response only caused the ginger to laugh even harder though, his fingers running through his hair with an air of disbelief for what he was hearing. “You’re seriously asking me that after all of this...”

It was ridiculous, what she was asking from him was outrageous. Even Dazai never went this far in his mocking. Why couldn’t she see that? Or was she still playing some kind of trick on him even now? She wanted to watch him squirm, didn’t she? 

He then watched her fingers move towards the ends of her bloodied skirt with a nervous laugh to cover his bitter one. “Listen, Chuuya, I..uhh how do I put this.. I’m not great with things like this so you’re gonna have to be a bit more clear with what you’re saying.” 

The idea caused that fragile string of control to finally snap in the back of his head as the familiar hot blinding white covered his vision before turning back to the girl with a hiss. “You want me to be clear? Fine.”

Feeling the weight of his steps, Chuuya then stomped straight up to the haunting soulless eyes that had been hunting him all night before shouting back with so much unruly hate that it made his lips spit out the fiery words all at once. 

Every single feeling over the last year, every grievance towards people like Dazai shot out like a gunshot, the target misdirecting towards the girl the moment she showed the same disgusting traits he always hated. 

He was sick of being tortured, of being a dog, of being a puppet for someone else’s pleasure. The two of them had treated him like an idiot and he was sick of it, wanting nothing more than to scream his rejection for everything they stood for. 

And scream he did, his chest heaving with a bomb of absolute fury. “Why would I ever want to be friends with a freak like you?”

And he thought for sure that she would’ve just fired back like nothing, like she had done for this entire night, like Dazai usually did when he insulted him. Chuuya expected an equally degrading comment or response, something that would prove his words like nothing. 

But what he didn’t expect was for the seemingly confident and unhinged girl to physically flitch at his words, taking a step back as the ever permanent smile she always wore slipped from her lips. “O-Oh..” 

Wait, what kind of response was that? Why wasn’t she yelling at him back? 

But for Asa, it was physically impossible to do so, her words caught inside her throat as she felt herself choke on them all at once. Suddenly it was hard to see, to hear, to feel anything but the words Chuuya had given her. 

Freak. 

Suddenly, she was back as a child, hearing those very same insults and whispering all around her, telling her to disappear, telling her that she didn’t belong in their world. Of course, how could she have forgotten? That’s what everyone said, of course Chuuya was the same. 

Grimacing at the thought, Asa then looked up to the ginger haired boy only to find the previous adrenaline instantly sucked out of her body, leaving the harsh reality of her world and her eyes. 

This thing that the hellhound organization made her into, it forced her to see the ugliest parts of a human soul without her consent, forcing her to stare into the darkest and deepest pits of hell like some kind of cruel torture. 

Yes, she had used her full vision up until now without it bothering her, but that was because when she was fighting her brain could replace those images with something to her advantage. She used her defect to aid in figuring out her enemies moves, distracting herself from the true purpose of her monstrous ability. 

But it never did last, and the true curse always seemed to rear its ugly head the moment everything stilled, when the calm took over the chaos. 

In those moments, the world gave her nothing else to focus on but the physical actions and underlying emotions that laid beneath the surface. The ones she had tried hard to ignore but simply couldn’t anymore. 

And right now without her glasses, she was subjected to it all.

Her mind spiraled, focusing on every tiny thing that Chuuya had shown her. The angle of his frown, the cold and distant look in his haunting blue eyes, the veins popping from his skin, the closed off stance of his body, they flashed through her in an instant, like a camera flashing a million different photos in her face at the same time. 

It was overstimulating, overwhelming, and over amplified, leaving Asagao breathless and absolutely unprepared for the onslaught of damning information. 

She could see everything. His disappointment, his disgust, his hatred. Hatred for Dazai, hatred for her. 

Oh god, his hatred. It was so much, it was obvious. He hated her. Well of course he did, She was a freak, he called her a freak. She was a freak, obviously. Why else would people be saying that if it wasn’t the truth? 

And perhaps his rage wasn’t all directed towards her, somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that. Dazai played a part in it as well but none of that mattered when she couldn’t tell the difference anymore. 

She couldn’t see where the lines were divided and where the misdirection started or ended. 

No, all she could see was the invisible bullet of his own uncontrollable rage.

Feeling her breath start to cave in on itself, Asa gasped for air, struggling for the words. Ah, she was ruining it, she needed to say something, anything to get that ugly look from his face. She couldn’t take that look. It was tearing her apart by the second. 

Feeling her voice crack of her words, Asa then nodded her head absentmindedly as her hands fiddled around her body with no purpose. “Y-Yeah, no. That’s makes sense. Of course that’s what you’d say. That’s the most logical answer. Sorry, I just..got carried away..I guess..yeah..umm..” 

The piercing spectators of his eyes only brought her words to the standstill though, her senses overloaded with only his rejection and disgust, so much so that it started to consume her all at once, the words of her peers still slamming in the back of her head as a reminder of what she was. 

Freak. Scary. Annoying. Defect. Disgusting. Monster. 

Shaking her head to rid herself of the suffocating sight, she tried to look away, her hands frantically searching her pockets for something to quell the hurt. “A-Ah, sorry..I just...my glasses..I’ll put them back on…I know they’re here..sorry..let me just..” 

Yet the fabric on the inside of her pocket only bought her an empty reality. Shit shit shit, where were they? She didn’t want to see anymore. She didn’t want those horrible blue judgmental iris’ to haunt her anymore. 

Let her live in ignorance, let her never truly see just how much of a goddamn monster she really was. 

Because the more she looked, the more that positive view of the world started to become tainted, only seeing the absolute worst that life had to offer. How could she find the good when all she perceived right now was only bad? Chuuya’s face only showed the bad. 

And she couldn’t look away, she couldn't get it out of her head. Oh god, please stop! It hurts. I don’t want to see anymore. Someone please..

Chuuya watched in stunned silence though, the faltering and unraveling girl causing him to stare with concern before reaching a hand out with mutter. “Come on..stop playing around. You aren’t gonna fool me this time. Using the same old tricks again..” 

And truly, the boy wanted to believe it was a joke, simply because that’s what he had seen through the entire night. She played the victim and pretended to cry at least three times tonight so why would this be any different? 

Hell, the girl was probably doing this on purpose just to make him cave about her stupid friend question. But this time he was stronger than that. He wouldn’t fall for it again.  

His words only made her act even more erratic though, a choked laugh stuck inside her throat as she continued to search for something in her pockets. “S-Sorry...yeah of course you'd be bothered by this..I’ll fix it..I promise..I just have to..cover the ugly…just let me..” 

Feeling a warning bell ring in the back of his mind, Chuuya then dropped his smug ass attitude before taking a step forward with cautious confusion. This was an act, right? Just like the ones before. She was faking it, right? 

But if that was the case then why did it look like the girl was on the edge of a panic attack right now? Would she really take things that far for something so stupid. 

Reaching his hand out once more, Chuuya spoke. “Hey..” 

Yet before he could reach her, a pair of hands appeared out from behind Asagao in order to press his palms towards her eyes, covering the sight before forcing her to fall backwards into his chest with a soft mutter. “Now now Asa-chan. That’s enough. Give those pretty eyes of yours a rest.” 

And just like that, the noise inside her head and the vivid images fizzled away into nothing. Her prayers had been answered, she didn’t have to see anymore. 

Osamu had just saved her from an unspeakable destruction. 

Relaxing against his body in an instant, she let out a shaky breath. “O-Osam..” 

Dazai only cut her off though, pushing her head farther back in order to whisper in her ear gently. “Shh, I know. It’s okay, love.” 

Feeling her lips close into a tiny whimper, Asagao forced herself to stay silent. It didn’t matter if he didn’t go into detail, she knew exactly what Osamu was trying to say with just those small seemingly insignificant words. 

He knew. He understood what had just taken place. Maybe but not fully, in fact she doubted he completely grasped just how bad her eyes had dragged her away considering she only told him a vague explanation a year ago. 

But to some extent he figured out the self destruction that her conditioned mind had conjured up, he had realized the shackles that she was confined to and gave her the one thing she couldn’t give to herself. 

Then she felt a familiar cool metal object slide into her palm before gasping in recognition. Her glasses, he found them for her. Thank god. Now she could be normal again. 

Just then, her hidden face flashed with realization for her previous question.

 Perhaps he knew because they shared similar circumstances. If Osamu’s bandages were stripped unwillingly then he would’ve been the same. She had seen it firsthand after all, the very first time she tried to take away his security unknowingly. 

The physical crutches they relied on, both of them knew it too well, enough to wordlessly recognize the utter desolation that waited when they strayed from their comfort.  

And Asagao was thankful for it, for not having to voice such weak thoughts out loud. Osamu just understood, he always did, just like she always tried to do for him, he mirrored it tonight. 

Chuuya on the other hand was at a loss for words, his hand reeling back in confusion. “That was a joke, right? Either way, it still isn't’ gonna work. I’m still not going to agree to be friends with her.”

Because although he was slightly shaken up from the sight, Chuuya still couldn’t believe that her display was real. How could he? I mean, this was the same girl that just fooled an entire section of the port mafia just so that they could discredit her as weak, that tricked the ginger into staying around tonight by making him feel guilty about her birthday. 

Hell, this was the same girl that didn’t bat an eye when that traitorous bastard forcibly kissed her before going on a bloody rampage in order to torture the guy’s men one by one. 

So it didn’t make sense that a simple rejection of his friendship was enough to crumble the seemingly unbreakable auburn haired devil. That meant she had to be faking it again. Nothing else was logical except that. 

I mean, come on. She was the one that had screwed him over in the first place, her and that bandaged prick Dazai. He had a right to be pissed about it. It wasn’t the end of the world. 

She was a copy of Dazai after all, she should’ve been able to handle a couple of harsh words after single handedly disposing of an army, right?

Yet the ginger haired boy paused when his Dazai’s eyes darkened, something lethal in the corners of his vision as he glared back. “That’s fine, she doesn’t need you anyway.” 

And call him crazy but Chuuya felt a chill course through his spine at that. But he couldn’t be serious right? There was no way that Dazai Osamu, the least caring man in the universe, was being protective of this girl. It went against everything he ever knew about the boy. 

But the way his partner was staring at him right now was nothing short of murderous, just like a hundreds of times he saw it reflected in their enemies eyes. Could it be, did Dazai actually care about her, more than just an act? 

Although that's when Asagao reached her hand up before tapping the hands that were covering her eyes in order for Dazai to reluctantly let go only for her to quickly slap her glasses back on her face with a sigh. “Osamu, don’t blame him. It was my fault. I got carried away.” 

She then took a long silent breath before turning back to Chuuya with a sad smile. “Sorry about all of this. I promise I won’t bother you ever again.”

Then the girl simply bowed her head with respect before walking away from the two boys, stepping over the unconscious corpses as she walked in order to stay true to her promise. 

And fuck, he hated it but Chuuya felt really shitty for some damn reason. 

Which was ridiculous because he had no reason to. But the sad pathetic way she spoke to him caught him off guard, more than he would ever admit. 

Just what was that crazy girl doing to him?! Why was he feeling bad all of a sudden? He was just standing up for himself and calling her out on her lies. What was so wrong about that? 

But if that was the case, why did he now want to run back up to her and apologize? 

Damn it, this night was messing with him way too much. 

Turning around to watch her go, he then glanced to the side only to find that Dazai was doing the same thing, his unbandaged eye narrowed with silent thought as Chuuya spoke his thoughts. “I know why you’re with her now.” 

Although the executive didn’t move his gaze, simply staring forward with a hum. “Do tell.” 

Balling his hands to his sides, Chuuya answered roughly. “You’re trying to recruit her to the port mafia, just like you did with me when we met.” 

At first the boy didn’t know what kind of use Asagao could’ve provided to the selfish and self serving executive but after seeing her fight it could only be one thing. He wanted her power, he wanted her ability and Dazai was using this sham of a relationship to reel her into the mafia. 

Just like what he did to Chuuya all those years ago, he was manipulating her into seeing no other option but the port mafia so she’ll have no choice but to join. 

And yeah it was fucked up but the ginger couldn’t deny that Asagao would fit well in the place like that. In fact, he was sure she’d thrive in that kind of darkness if given the chance. Picking her to be his subordinate, it wasn’t a terrible move logically speaking. 

That didn’t make it right but Chuuya could understand it at least. 

His words seemed to stir something in Dazai though, the boy’s lips twitching with amusement and yet also disdain. “If she was anyone else then you’d be right. But the last place I will allow her to be is in the port mafia.” 

Widening his eyes in shock, the ginger frowned. What the hell did that mean? If she was anyone else? If he knew her potential then why hadn’t he jumped at the chance yet? What was holding him back from sinking his claws into her and never letting go? 

There was something he was missing here. “Why, because you don’t want her there?”

Dazai gave a low bitter laugh at that, knowing damn well that wasn’t the truth. In fact, if she hadn’t been given the safety net of being his best friend’s sister then Asagao would’ve been dragged into the mafia a year ago. He wasn’t that good of a man yet, after all. 

That's right, if she hadn't been connected to Odasaku then Dazai knew he would’ve only seen her ability first, her use to him just like Chuuya had accused him of. But lucky for Asagao, it wasn’t that simple. 

Testing the words on his tongue, Dazai decided to utter the truth, the words a binding contract of his promise to his only friend. “It’s not about what I want.” 

Chuuya could hardly understand though, the unfinished puzzle of information looking more confusing by the minute.

 Dazai had just implied that he did want Asagao by him in the mafia, but something was holding him back, but what could it be? Who had that kind of power to subdue the devil himself from such a tempting offering of power?

So much so, the boy couldn’t help to push further. “What the hell does that mean? That doesn’t sound like you at all. You've never been one to listen to someone else’s wants. You’re a selfish bastard who only thinks for himself.” 

Shoving his hands into his pants pockets, Dazai then took in his words silently, the meaning tossing around in his defective little head before finally closing his eyes with reality.

 If he truly was a changed man then he would’ve let Asagao go by now. He would’ve run away from her or hurt her so badly that she would never look his way again. But unfortunately for both of them that wasn’t the case. 

He couldn’t live without her anymore, not if he wanted to keep that desolate feeling of grief away. He had indulged himself too heavily to ever give her the mercy of release. He needed her like he needed to breathe. He needed her security and her safety to get him through the day, he needed her like a vice. 

And perhaps that in itself proved Chuuya’s words wrong. 

Because yes he was listening to Odasaku, but that didn’t fully protect Oda’s sister from his greed. Nothing ever could. Someday he would fly too close to the sun and get burned.

It was only a matter of time. 

Pushing his feet forward to walk past Chuuya, Dazai’s eyes then lingered back to the spot where Asagao had disappeared before moving down towards the mutilated body of the traitor that he had shot, a dark gleam flashing through his veins.

Those hideous lips, those disgusting hands, they were on her . 

They kissed her.  

Then the mafia executive leaned down, picking up a discarded gun off the floor before turning the object in his fingers with silent conjecture as his thoughts fell back into that familiar pit of hell, recalling two words that rang against his skull over and over again during their entire conversation. 

Not enough. 

Chuuya then watched wordlessly as the demon turned around immediately, shooting all of the stolen rounds into the corpse of the traitor, the dead body twitching with each lethal bullet. 

And Dazai didn’t stop until the gun was empty, the click of the chamber sounding through the space in order for the mafioso to glare before throwing the discarded object away.    

Feeling the blood begin to coat his solid black shoes, tainting him further, Dazai then finally turned back to Chuuya, the dark shadows of the warehouse overtaking the demon with silent ominous warning. 

“Who says I’m not still selfish?” 

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(Guys, I think Dazai is little pissed about that kiss. Just a hunch though.)

(Next Chapter is gonna be a good one, and it has to do with that kiss. Hehe)

[boredmezzosoprano]

In defence of Catherine Earnshaw

I just wanted to take this time to talk about the heroine of my all time favourite book Wuthering Heights. She is often described as "selfish" by a lot of readers and yes this is true, but there are reasons for why she acts the way she does. It bothers me how much quicker people are to defend Heathcliff than her when if you ask me, Heathcliff has done worse things than her i.e manipulating and abusing Isabella Linton, abusing his own sickly son, abusing Hareton and robbing him of his inheritance, manipulating Catherine Linton into marrying his son and then robbing her of her inheritance and kidnapping her so she couldn’t be with her dying father and then there’s the little matter of him being the last person to see Hindley before he mysteriously dies (admittedly Hindley was an a$$hole, but still). Don’t think I’m unsympathetic to Heathcliff’s own pain and suffering - I am, it’s just that you cannot judge Cathy harshly while whitewashing Heathcliff’s character🤷🏼‍♀️ Anyway the points I want people to keep in mind are thus:

Like Heathcliff, nobody ever really raised Cathy as her parents both died when she was a child (and even then she wasn’t the favourite of either of them) and Hindley and Nelly couldn’t have been less bothered. Even though the Linton's tried to tame her spirit and mould her into "a lady" it makes sense that her default mode will always be that of a feral child.

People often accuse her of being a gold digger and yes she did plan on marrying Edgar for his money in the hopes of using that money to get Heathcliff out from under Hindley's tyranny, it should be remembered that Cathy really did love Edgar too just not as much as Heathcliff. Also how was she to know that Heathcliff was able to make his own fortune? Given that he never reveals how he made his money and nobody ever finds out how could she have known. It’s speculated that he became a highwayman i.e a glorified thief, most people would choose to avoid living such a precarious lifestyle if given the choice and its hard to blame for not wanting to live a vagabond existence, even Heathcliff admits that he "struggled". As a woman living in the 1700s the only honourable way she could make any kind of life for herself was by getting married!

When she marries Edgar she had no idea where Heathcliff was and when or if he was ever coming back and her choices were limited to marrying into a family who treat you well or stay in your own chaotic and miserable household with your violent drunk if a brother and a maid who’s made it clear she hates you and does not see you as worth her time. So yeah…

Catherine seems to suffer from some sort of disease that’s only ever described as "brain fever". Some readers have described it as encephalitis and others have called it epilepsy. In any case anytime she’s aggravated or upset in anyway she becomes violently ill and this ultimately kills her. With that in mind it becomes understandable that she would actively avoid anything that would cause her any distress as it could (and did) kill her!

There were moments in the book where Cathy with her mood swings came across to me as being bipolar or at least having some kind of personality disorder. Nelly describes her as "having seasons of gloom" during her marriage and she self harms a couple of times in the book. She also threatens to kill herself if it would get a reaction! She seems to place her own sense of value on the men in her life which shows a fundamental lack of self esteem. As someone with BPD these things all hit home for me very deeply, but unlike Cathy I have the freedom to back away from situations that trigger me (well most of the time) and access to medications that even my moods.

While it was undeniably harsh of Cathy to humiliate Isabella by revealing her feelings for Heathcliff with both of them in the room but at the same time she wasn’t wrong to try to snap Isabella out of this naive fantasy. Isabella is a character I care about deeply but it’s obvious that she was in way over her head when it came to Heathcliff! Cathy knew better than anyone that he hated Isabella and would only hurt her. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Poor Isabella does ultimately learn too late that Cathy was right. Even Nelly has to begrudgingly agree with Cathy on this one.

Speaking of Nelly, it should be remembered that everything we learn about Cathy as well as many other characters, we learn only from Nelly who it is clear is quite biased against the characters whose story she is telling. Because she can’t relate to the intense emotions of the other characters she tends to assume that it must be because there’s something wrong with them. It’s entirely possible that Nelly made Cathy out to be far worse than she actually was. It has to be said that Nelly is a character that I tend to back and forth on…

Anyway that’s my take on Catherine Earnshaw. If you disagree that’s fine but please no rude comments cuz we’re all adults and we can agree to disagree😉

[colourstreakgryffin]

Hello! I don't know if your requests are still open. If they're open, can I request a Yandere Shinobu Kochou vs Yandere Giyuu Tomioka headcannons? Romantic please!

Yes! My requests are open! And of course, love. I apologise for taking so long!!

Yandere! Romantic! KNY Hashira Scenarios: Kocho Shinobu Vs Tomioka Giyuu

You’re the new Hashira with a unique Breathing Style and a unique katana, you’re entire image is fascinating

And Shinobu, being the kind but professional person she is. She decides she’ll help get you accustom and teach you the ways

At first, she was simply friendly and working to keep up for her facade but overtime, she falls for you and it’s hard for her to keep her cool

Like with Yandere Obanai Vs Yandere Mitsuri, Shinobu’s Yandere traits don’t begin coming through until after she finds out about your attempts to befriend Giyuu

To you, you wanted to make more friends and the only Hashira that seemed suitable to you was Giyuu

Giyuu, on the other hand, is quiet and ignores you… but at the same time. He becomes attached to the routine of you finding him and talking about random things Talking about how nice your new friend Shinobu is

Giyuu falls for you fast since you’re so kind and welcoming. So genuinely compassionate, you care about him and such treatment ignites his lifeless heart

As mentioned in the Yandere Giyuu post, eventually, the Water Hashira drops the whole ‘I need to stay away because I’m a danger’ mentality and opens up to you all at once

The Insect Hashira becomes beyond jealous. Why do you like Tomioka? He’s a anti-social freak. You should only be talking to her! She watches from the sidelines fuming as you laugh encouragingly at Giyuu’s joke attempt

Giyuu’s Yandere self doesn’t come through until his crush on you is cemented and he knows about Shinobu’s feelings for you. That takes a lot longer but on the first glance, Giyuu knew he needed you apart of his life

Both of them have converted to their Yandere selves in very little time and are very passive-aggressively fighting over you ALWAYS. Just like with Obanai vs Mitsuri

As mentioned in both the Giyuu and the Shinobu Yandere posts. Shinobu hides her Yandere traits but can be scarily harsh, Giyuu doesn’t see a reason why to hide himself but is extremely loving

They both follow you around like lost puppies, and being away from you for missions is killing them both. They just want you to be with them all the time and it doesn’t matter what must be sacrificed to get that

Giyuu wants your attention onto him as you’re talking to Shinobu so he hugs your waist and glares death lasers at her

Shinobu struggles intently to keep herself composed when in this situation. She wants more than anything to kill Giyuu so you’ll be hers but your happiness would be in jeopardy

Her delusion won’t let her admit that Giyuu makes you happy. She sees it as brainwashing. JShe views him as nothing but a serious threat, no longer a fellow Hashira and Giyuu has a mutual view

Just because they both want you happy doesn’t mean they’ll give up and stop. Even if you ask for the war to stop. They’ll keep fighting and fighting over you until the other finally runs away

Shinobu is a chronic manipulator(so much worse than Obanai). She uses emotions to attempt to twist your point of view, she’ll do her best to make you detest Giyuu

But Giyuu will retaliate against her nonsense and express himself to you. His love, his appreciation so you won’t listen to Shinobu

Shinobu, in her Yandere self, is a sneaky trickster that uses poisons whilst you’re recovering from battle-made injuries to keep you at her Estate

And Giyuu can see right through it and knows exactly what she’s doing. He has confronted her several times to stop it.Making you feel pain grinds Giyuu’s gears into pure uncontrollable rage

Nobody hurts his love on his watch and Giyuu will make her surely pay for her vile actions

“Kocho. Why is Dokusha still sick? She has been in that bed for five weeks”

“Her flu is quite severe, Tomioka-san. Maybe, if you left her alone for once, she would recover quicker”

“Or maybe if you stopped poisoning her, she’d be able to eat without vomiting her guts out!”

Whatever you want is whatever you get. Shinobu and Giyuu are racing each other to give you your requests first, like slaves at your hand and foot. If doing it will make you more into them, they’ll do anything

Shinobu has attempted to attack Giyuu more than once, when she found Giyuu holding a unconscious you in his arms. It almost turned into another bad Hashira fight as Giyuu blocked her stab to keep you from getting hurt again

Giyuu being as over-overprotective as he is. Defends you so much that it’s suffocating, from general people to Shinobu herself. He won’t try convince you that Shinobu is dangerous but he’ll pull you away from her

You don’t really want to believe your two best friends are literally insane over winning your love and fighting hysterically. You just want them to get along but their delusion-fucked heads won’t listen nor compromise

Cry in front of them and they’ll just start blaming each other and demanding they get away from you. It’s impossible for anything of you to not be turned into a fight

“Tomioka-san. No offence but could you please leave at this very moment, can’t you see that Dokusha is upset?”

“I need to go away? You’re the one who’s scaring her. How about you get lost, Kocho. Dokusha needs comfort”

Giyuu visits your Estate with the most luxurious gifts he could find, to spend time with you as Shinobu is stalking you two closeby so she can swoop in. She is better than some lousy like Giyuu

You can’t confide to the other Hashira. They won’t listen to you as the two in question hide away their hateful aggression for each other and pretend to be normal

Be careful. Giyuu and Shinobu are equally clingy and possessive, and they both hold you as tight as possible. Hard and tight enough to make you feel like a juice packet being squeezed

Giyuu and Shinobu’s deranged obsession with you and bloody deadly rival with each other becomes a problem only you can deal with

And the way to end it all is to chose one. But choosing one still has that danger. The one left behind will spend the rest of his/her life trying to kill the one you chose

“Dokusha… may I come in? I have that kimono you’ve been wanting for months… O-oh? Yeah, it’s expensive but that doesn’t matter. You wanted it so I got it, you deserve it. Is… is Kocho here? Better not be, she needs to just stay away”

“Hello, hello! What are you doing, Dokusha? Watching the butterflies? You like them? Such colonies regularly migrate here, thanks to our tended gardens. If you don’t like it though, I’ll get rid of— oh, you do like them? Wonderful. May I ask, is Tomioka with you? I would rather we spend time together alone”

I hope this is good! Please feel free to give suggestions, my asks are open! ❤️

[bihansthot]

Question, how comes everyone forgets all the good Bi-Han has done as soon as his death is mentioned? Hanzo has killed people, repeatedly over and over again, due to his vengeance but nobody outright calls him evil.

Bi-Han’s backstory is incredibly tragic once you think about it, but its not nearly as focused on when referring to his character. Hanzo’s tragedy is his character while Bi-Han’s tragedy is more of a “fun fact” category.

I just don’t understand why people think Bi-Han is so evil and irredeemable. Even in the intros for MK1, yes he was being arrogant and rude but that doesnt mean he’s irredeemable? Asshole ≠ Evil. But if you check the comments everyones like “theres the evilness, cant wait for noob saibot”, as if Bi-Han has 0 positive traits.

And also, how come people ignore what Scorpion did because Bi-Han was a “evil” person. He was hardly evil and he was on the path to redemption, just like Scorpion not too long ago. Scorpion killed Bi-Han brutally over a crime he did not commit, thats wrong no matter how much you try and break your back to excuse. Yes he promised to protect Kuai Liang as payment, but barely anybody addresses it in the games.

Even this quote from the intro dialogues

Noob: I was killed unjustly

Raiden: and for that, Raiden lost my trust

Noob: that is not justice.

You can TELL that Noob is still pissed at his death and at everyone for suddenly having amnesia over it.

All of this! ALL OF THIS!! No one ever talks about Scorpion being a cold blooded assassin too but like spoilers the Shirai Ryu are not the good guys. They’re assassins just like the Lin Kuei. Just because Hanzo had a wife and child does not mean he was a good man just like being a dick doesn’t man Bi-Han a bad man. He’s had an unimaginable life full of pain, suffering, gore and death from a very, very young age how can you not expect him to be a bit of a prick? It’s most likely his defense mechanism for dealing with all the horror he’s seen in his life. They’re two sides of the same coin. I don’t know people who think Bi-Han is evil rub me the wrong way tbh and I assume the majority of them have never played or watched a play through of MKM: SZ, which I really encourage everyone to do at some point. Is he kind of dumb and easy to manipulate? Yes. Is he evil? No. If he was evil he wouldn’t have gone after the amulet to stop Shinnok, he also wouldn’t have been worried about his soul when Raiden mentions it corrupted. Bi-Han literally saves Earthrealm from Shinnok and some how he’s the bad guy?? Whereas Scorpion never saves anyone and he’s a good guy?? Make it make sense. Please note I’m not trying to shit on Hanzo I’m just pointing out that he has done really bad shit too but he’s not held accountable for it.

Another thing I think we need to point out is Scorpion’s inability to control his rage always leads to a bad situation. Quan Chi manipulates him, he kills Bi-Han, boom now he has Noob hunting down his ass. Gets revenge on Quan Chi, now everyone who was a revenant has no chance to become human again, he dooms so many kharacters to live as mindless servants, but please tell me about him being your precious sunflower who’s never done anything wrong. ….I’m sorry that was kind of mean.

All I’m trying to get at is that it’s not fair that Bi-Han is labeled as evil just because he’s an arrogant douche. Scorpion has done just as bad of shit if not worse things than Bi-Han has so if you’re going to insist Bi-Han is evil then you have to admit Scorpion is too.

Again please don’t take this as me hating on or dragging Scorpion, that’s not my intention, it’s just to show that no matter how kind they seem an assassin is still an assassin and does horrible things.

Also Noob being salty is totally justified and I’d be salty AF too.

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

This might seem like a pretty out of the blue question but, how do you feel about characters that, due to trauma or a bad past, act very aggressive and/or distant to hide their fear of being hurt again?

I'm asking because, in addition to characters from series like Black Butler (Ciel), Vanitas no Carte (Vanitas) and TWST, a lot of people tend to ignore their pain just to focus on how bad of a person they are/were.

I was reading a Chinese manhua I borrowed from my friend at her place, and the main female is a girl who acts aggressive and has a short temper but it turns out that she's trapped in an unhealthy and abusive relationship with a man who's obsessed with trying to bring back his dead wife. Why is it abusive? The man makes her wear a pendant that he monitors her with, uses emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation, gaslighting, threats of r*pe and murder to control the girl's life and keep her as his bodyguard for fuck knows how long. All the while, he sleeps with and steals the souls of several people, convinced that his wife would forgive him for his infidelity (?) and cruelty.

According to my friend, a lot of people who read the manhua dislike the girl because, aside from her temper and bluntness, she slapped the main protagonist for trying to help her (he said "I'm here to help you. Stop acting like this." which triggered some bad memories. He meant no harm, mind you.) even after learning of her relationship with the man, saying stuff like "She's a powerful mage, isn't she? She'll be fine." or "She shouldn't have slapped him. This is her karma for acting bitchy."

So as someone with severe trauma and a lot of fucking issues, there is SO MUCH to unpack here if I get into detail so lemme put this here

Ok, so I don’t mean this to offend/upset anyone, and let me say, everyone responds to trauma differently, the brain isn’t programmed to handle lifelong trauma which can lead to acting out or doing odd things as trauma affects the mental state of an individual

Trauma actually is proven to mentally age children people far faster as it forces them to ‘grow’ faster (ex: Ciel, Jamil, Riddle) which can have a huge impact on their life (almost never good)

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If you act aggressive as an adult and hurt people, it doesn’t matter the trauma, you don’t have an excuse to hurt others physically or mentally, you are an adult, how you acts is on YOU. I’m told I’m overly nice (especially for someon whose literally died briefly and was physically/mentally abused for my entire child hood)

In childhood acting out with violence is common especially when uncomfortable or scared is normal and expected as they have no controlling their emotions.

Adults are different, irl im distant for dozens of reasons but I don’t take it out on people, and yes I’ve verbally gotten aggressive when accidentally (or intentionally) triggered by someone but I have a brain so I know to fucking apologize since trauma doesn’t excuse such inappropriate behavior.

For instance, I have trauma that some of characters above have, and less than others but I HATE seeing people use it to excuse shitty behavior (Twst is a HUGE example of this)

People react differently to trauma, that’s normal but once your an adult, do know you are responsible for your own decisions, for what YOU do. For instance, that woman from a manhua (idk what that is/ hadn’t read) has no right to physically slap another individual (especially one openigly stating they are tryna help) she could have fucking said ‘no’ or ‘go away’ or WALKED AWAY. Honestly she’s just making me dislike her based on that (like what was the trigger? I obviously don’t know the situation but it just seems like she wanted to take out frustrations on him)

I’ve been r*ped, beaten/abused, neglected, etc. for 23 YEARS NOW (OBVIOUSLY NOT FIR EVERY SECOND BUT STILL). How many people have I hit because of it? 0 (minus the ‘trigger’ I had while I was defending myself once but it did nothing, actually made things worse) how many people have I yelled at? A fuck ton. How many did I apologize to? Almost all of them.

I don’t give a shit when you yell at people in an argument but know this, you’re trauma doesn’t excuse what you say and due, it’s a fucking burden you’re stuck with , that has no upside. Yelling/attacking people is turning you into the monster and making others miserable and guess fucking what? OTHER PEOPLE CAN HAVE TRAUMA. What if you just fucking lashed out at someone more broken than you? You feel good now?

Lashing out isn’t a good option, she didn’t deserve what happened to her, but she has no excuse for harming the hero AT ALL, trauma isn’t an excuse to attack others to help yourself, yes when scared you want to fight but, APOLOGIZE... What, did she think hurting him would stop everyone who will and has ever existed from asking her the same thing? What if that hero has trauma and had a breakdown? Is that still ‘ok’ for her to do? No not unless it’s her abuser.

Like with that girl, aside from being resurrected and a husband, I’ve been through all the trauma she has since I was a young child (actually a lil more since there’s a LOT I’ve been through she hasn’t but I’m younger). And I’ve felt with it, so many time since then and I have breakdown often. I’ve had people who remind me of my abusive father whose almost killed me more times than I can count and I have literally permanent injuries from.

It’s ok to hurt but it’s not ok to hurt others(without concent), I know I sound like a broken record but it’s important to remember to an extent you can control your trauma, get therapy or have someone you trust who you can talk to about your feels.

Basically it’s ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’ that will cause more issues and fix nothing

If someone slapped me for ASKING if they were ok, I’d fucking panic and cry, running the fuck away and avoid that person till I fucking die. Like. You hurt me for asking if you were ok. That’s not ok under any circumstances what the fuck? I’d rather die in a ditch than talk to you…at least the ditch won’t hurt me.

It’s just, so BAD to hurt someone over a circumstance like that, unless he racked her to the ground or smn that physical violence is uncalled for completely.

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[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

3:16 am pt 24 April 2023 Monday

No one likes a spoiled b*txh. I he burned my stomach a minute ago. I’m tired of living and being in a world where god never wanted me nor never understood me. 3:18 am pt. A man can never understand a woman nor have sympathy or empathy for her. Not even god. 3:19 am pt

3:27!am pt incubus said he’s detached. He doesn’t like it when I’m happy. Ever. Since I was born. It seems. Maybe he made me like this so I would know him. That he is the one who is unnecessarily critical. 3:29 am pt maybe I learned it from him.

3:29 am pt acid throat pain. He is always calling Blake Shelton names. Calling everyone idiot. 3:30 am pt

3:31 he likes to fake people out. Call them friend then kill them and name albums after them. 3:31 am pt

3:32 am pt probably pretended to be in love with Jane, then project his own feelings on to her, blame her name an album after her.

3:34 am pt I will never feel safe around people again. I’m scarrred for life. 3:34 am pt

3:35 am pt it’s probably their favorite past time gas light make people crazy and then blame the people they abused.

3:39 am pt He’s trying to trick me and manipulate me. Trying to change history and my feelings. I never did anything to my sister like almost kill her. It was a very thin cardboard Barbie box and I was 8 or 9 years old. I think I always used very non-lethal things. Yet he did stuff that could have been lethal (definition ?) to me. Light plastic toy ball. Yet he used nearly lethal force on me again. I was always the one who got it a million times worse than I dealt. I fear what he would do next to me. Bcz he always wants to put me in a harmful situation for “karma.” 3:46 am pt. He is making me feel like I want to commit suicide Bcz he hates me that much. He tricked me. It’s not fair. (Near Right ankle pain 3:48)

3:50 am pt I wonder how many people they let live nice lives beautiful perfect bodies no pain , and how many are always miserable. Bcz they don’t want most people happy? 3:51 am pt. My sisters were ok it I’m the sacrificial lamb so I’m not ok. And I seem to never be allowed to be accepted according to Jesus Christ songs. Always rejected. Trampled like a rose. 3:54 am pt cruelty originates from Merlin (incubus offspring). 3:54 am pt mistakes and karma, same. 3:55 am pt I was rarely naturally happy. I always had to fake it so I would not be abandoned by mom. 3:56 am pt.

3:58 am pt I think incubus lies to himself about everything Bcz he has the power to make straight men gay. So he can make me into anything he wants to fit his agenda. 3:59 am pt

4 am pt tummy ache cramps again and hot stomach 😖😭

402 am pt he’s a wicked man. He never loved anyone. 4:93 acid throat pain 4:03 he’s too good at faking love? He did it to me. Cruel the way he hurts me. I feel like I was always in pain. 4:04 am pt I bet earth will always be hell.4:95 4:94 4:05 am pt

4:96 4:06 am pt at least I tried to become more honest. Bcz I wanted better relationships. I can’t even breathe most the time. He thought it was sooooo funny to make stroh and maryka say stuff about about hotness and he said body absurd and I didn’t realize it and I was working so hard for social causes b4 I realized it. He doesn’t care. He likes dangerous stuff every where. He prefers it. But he tricked me. Again. Truck m what? Probably his plan for my death. Trick me again and again and again and again again again again again again again again slave driver. 4:12 am pt he and the nicks are in a key club cult. He’s yelling no! 4:13 am pt he they love child rape they probably gang rape 11 year olds together Bcz they are in key club cult together. They probably did it with incubus magic in Vegas together. 4:15 am pt so sinister. If they allowed dugard and Ramsey then it’s probably Bcz that’s what they like. Bcz how would they know unless they tried it first? You kill me, incubus, everyone will assume that you like it. 4:17 am pt Bcz that’s why I’m the designated Jesus Christ to renew the apocalypse the way of life for the last 2000 years to repeat again. 4:18 am or am I going to badger you about it over and over again. 4:19 am pt and so everyone will see how shameless you are. 4:19 am pt

4:38 am pt when my bones 🦴🧠 and brain die it means god is a criminal. And a child rapist. He is not fighting to end this crime. He is supporting it to keep it alive. He is not trying to reduce human suffering, he is human suffering = key club cult. Harder to breathe. 4:40 am pt he is practicing his art of inflicting pain on me. It seems like everyday of my life. Getting worse. Like the earth and its people. You’d think in 70000 years of human existence we would have evolved already to not be rapists? Child rapists? In 2000 additional years? Seems to have actually become an expert in inflicting suffering instead of curing it and maybe inventing weird laws to create weird crimes. 4:43 am pt. People are very sophisticated. Many inventions. Yet we can’t have a pain free utopia for everyone. 4:44 am pt. Perhaps in our evolution we have de evolved. Unevolved. 4:44 am pt

10:58 am pt I don’t believe I deserve this punishment. You would relate if you were me. 11:01 am pt I was tricked! All my life living oblivious. 11:02 am pt

5:20 pmpt

6:10 pmpt if Scott knew like a psychic (Bcz he’s king David? Servo?) and he saw the cars on the side of the freeway in the near distance and he saw the body of avalos still alive, this would probably count as premeditated murder alike to premeditated rape of Shannon Ruth by Nick carter. If we are all addicted robots then I guess god incubus only defends those he told to do so verbally. Which is why I am losing my bones and then there will be others like myself, more sacrificial lamb/cow, to appease men and the economy. Incubus doesn’t mind child rape... Bcz he justified it. 6:16 pmpt 6:17 pmpt hot butt cheek right

6:18 pmpt acid head brain pain right left hips bone hot brain 6:19 pmpt Scott once took me to a road with a forest I think on the side of the road and it was very dark. I could barely see him but I saw a lot of stars. He is not afraid I guess. Incubus doesn’t mind torturing children with rape. 6:22 pmpt

6:23 pmpt I think he only had me born to be a slave. I am probably like a special bone bank to him. 6:24 pmpt

Clea 11:13 pmpt unfortunately, police are probably part of government Bcz they are supposed to enforce the law I guess? 11:14 pmpt if the police are part of s*x trafficking of minors then the government might be guilty of it, too. 11:15 pmpt I feel like this statement could get me killed. 11:16 pmpt

12:41 am pt it’s ion the Bible that the devil owns this world, the dragon. But I don’t know. Demon angels are clearly the devil but he did it anyway. Garrido. Already was a s*x offender. Men will excuse themselves all the time but they will come up with any reason to get rid of a woman. 12:43 am pt. It’s hard I guess when he says he’s god. Then he goes and gets the dragon tattoo on his leg. The left leg. Left hand = true. If he talks to you clearly directly saying he’s god, does that mean you are “true”? 12:47 am pt

I remember now that the bathroom smelled completely filled with marijuana only in the bathroom. I think there was an opening in the upstairs neighbor’s bathroom and it filtered into our bathroom. I think the neighbor was smoking it in their apartment. So some of the smells was probably coming from upstairs somehow. 12:49 am pt in year 2022. 12:50 am pt

1 am pt but he likes to mislead so maybe it’s not something I can believe in anymore. 1:01 am pt I don’t know what to believe anymore. He makes me feel like trash and then trashed me. 1:02 am pt. I feel that I have been treated as trash since I was a kid, probably started with my moms annoyance of me when I was a baby or a toddler or when I was 4 years old. But she told me a story once that makes me think it started when I was a baby. And when my mom came to the United States with me in her belly she said it was raining as if it was an omen of my fate. 1:04 am pt I feel that Scott played me dirty. And maybe he prejudged me. I don’t know why. Maybe it was a misunderstanding, Bcz we were operating on different beliefs. 1:06 am pt. I didn’t learn and I didn’t have the confidence to date the way Q believed in dating, which was probably the same as what Scott believed Bcz I think cumulatively we probably didn’t spend more than 3 months together = 2007 summer and summer of 2010 combined. He was already claiming “fell for an unethical whore” when he never told me he loved me. I really don’t remember that except the (cramps 😞😖😭) night in 2010 probably the last time we had dinner together before July 4th? Fuzzy memory. And he had sorta forced me into the back seat 💺 saying he wanted to make love 💗 and then July 4th happened and that was the last time I saw him I think 💭. Only that one time I remembered him using the word Love 💗 but not ever saying he fell in love 😻. Otherwise I think the word was absent most/99.99% of conversations. 1:12 am pt 1:13 am pt so I think 💭 he only dated me Bcz he had a secret mission/agenda to make himself look good and get rid of me. Probably to give himself a reason to go after teens. 1:14 am pt

[the-lone-witch-and-secret-room]

Camila Noceda and Flawed Parenting

A perspective by a flawed person with loving but extremely flawed parents

I’m genuinely baffled at some people’s hostile reaction towards Camila. Like… do any of you have flawless parents that always know the best solution instantly, make no mistakes and never get emotional?

My parents are great. They’re super supportive and I love them very, very much. Overall I think I got very lucky in the parents department.

But god, they are far from flawless. I still live at home, and despite all the good, there’s moments when I can’t take my dad anymore. He’s the kind of dad that stayed up until two am to help me with homework when I was in school, and he does so, so many things to make sure I’m happy. I know that. But despite all of this, I have told my mom in emotional moments before that I’m not sure if I can keep living with him, because for all his good sides, he has a couple of fatal flaws that sometimes make him unbearable.

My mom listens to me and is very open to being educated on certain topics, but she has her flaws, too. She hates when I fight with my dad, and gets so torn up about it that I’ve once apologized to my dad out of fear of her getting into a car crash otherwise. She’s very vocal about certain flaws of mine, and sometimes uses the things she does for me as leverage against me when she gets very emotional.

And both of my parents pay a lot more attention to my brother because he needs it more, because he’s more of a “problem child” while I “seem so capable” even when I’m not.

And guess what? I’m not a perfect child. I make mistakes sometimes, some of them pretty severe. Just like Luz, I’m the kind of person that struggles to communicate certain issues of mine to her parents. I’m stubborn, and when I get emotional, I say very hurtful things sometimes. So do they.

And this has nothing to do with my parents being horrible or abusive. They’re neither of those things.

The takeaway from this should not be that my entire family is made up of terrible people, but that we’re all flawed in our own ways, despite loving each other and trying our best. There’s things about my parents I wish I could change, and there are things about me that my parents wish they could change. And to an extent, that’s perfectly normal.

In our strengths and flaws and frustration with each other, we’re all human.

Specific, spoiler-y Camila and Luz things under the cut since this got very long.

We have no indication that Camila has a pattern of emotionally manipulating Luz. Her “emotional manipulation” as I’ve seen some people put it, is people for some reason thinking that the second you become an adult, you’re suddenly perfect and can no longer make mistakes, lest you’ll be dubbed horrible and abusive.

The whole concept is absurd to me. There is no perfect way to parent. There simply isn’t. Of course, there’s some genuinely abusive patterns that are horrible and inexcusable. But out of the parenting styles that aren’t, which one works depends on a number of factors, one of which absolutely includes that every child is different and has different needs. Camila is an amazing parent for Vee, giving the kid everything she’s ever longed for. She’s not an ideal parent for Luz. And that’s because Luz and Vee have fundamentally different needs.

Likewise, Luz is a pretty great child for Eda, but not a perfect fit for Camila. Luz relates to Eda a lot more than she relates to her mom, and that’s why the two of them have an easier time understanding each other. Both of these mother-child relationships exist, and one is not more doomed to fail than the other, but I think you’ll agree that the better you understand someone and where they’re coming from, the easier it is to communicate, pick up on certain signs, etc.

As mom and daughter, Camila and Luz are both flawed and have issues seeing the other’s perspective because of how different they are. And we should simultaneously acknowledge both of their roles in the issue and give both of them the space to learn and grow past those issues.

Luz struggles to communicate her problems. She doesn’t want to burden people in the demon realm, and it’s a given that this started out as not wanting to burden her mom. So she keeps quiet about her issues. Camila tries hard but can’t read her daughter’s mind, so there’s only so much she can do to understand and help the way Luz needs her to. Hell, Eda, who Luz is a lot more open with than her mom, struggles to help her, because Luz doesn’t tell her what’s wrong. I don’t see anyone calling Eda a terrible mom for that.

Camila tries her best, but she struggles to understand her daughter because of this, and because of how fundamentally different they are. She loves Luz’s creativity, we actively see her supporting it in the new episode—she keeps the weird stuff Luz made because she thinks Luz will regret throwing it away, and even plays along in what she assumes to be some elaborate role play because “she’s glad Luz kept her creativity even though it’s not made things easy for her at school”. But at the beginning of the show, said creativity got out of hand and people got hurt. Luz could’ve gotten hurt. So of course Camila had to interfere. I love Luz dearly, but she thought it was okay to bring snakes to school and set off fireworks inside a school building. Creativity is great. Doing reckless stuff that causes people to get hurt is not.

In sending Luz to camp, Camila tried to have someone else fix her issue because she didn’t know how to help Luz. That was a mistake, and a bad one at that, but she’s realizing that. She looks disheartened when Vee tries to throw out Luz’s stuff, because she never meant to change her daughter or take that part of her away. She just thought Luz needed a reality check—which, for the record, is something the narrative actually agrees with.

Luz spends her time in the demon realm getting reality check after reality check, realizing that even her ideal fantasy world where she has everything she always wanted doesn’t mean she’s free of consequences. She goes overboard constantly, causing:

-Eda to be forced to fly into a trap because Luz is chasing a fantasy (Witches before Wizards)

-Eda to almost be branded by her sister because Luz doesn’t think through why Eda doesn’t use magic to publicly announce her presence constantly (Once Upon a Swap)

-Eda and the twins to get kidnapped by a Slitherbeast because Luz stole Amity’s wand (Adventures in the Elements)

-Her friends to get hurt when she goes overboard trying to help Willow (Wing it like Witches)

-Eda to be captured and almost petrified because Luz thought she could just steal from the Emperor with no consequences in an attempt to help (Agony of a Witch)

I’m like 90% sure these aren’t even all. None of those make her a terrible person, for the record, but as all humans are, she is flawed and makes bad choices. She learns from these experiences and matures, just like her mom had hoped she would at camp. She’s also made friends there, which was another thing Camila wanted for her daughter.

You’ll probably realize that a lot of Luz’s behaviors I mentioned follow one of two patterns: 1. Luz’s idealized fantasy world causing problems, when she walks around with rose tinted glasses and gets people in trouble in the process because she hasn’t thought about the consequences, and 2. Luz trying to help someone she loves, but instead making things worse in the progress. The issue with this one is often that she doesn’t communicate her ideas/listen to the people she’s trying to help—like when Willow and Gus said they’ve had enough of Grudgby, or how she never actually talks to Eda about the healing hat idea before doing something reckless.

…does the latter one sound familiar to you at all? No? Because it’s the exact same thing that Camila did.

Some of the things Luz does are reckless and actively endanger others and herself, and that’s something that I think we need to acknowledge before judging Camila. As Luz’s mom, it’s Camila’s job to interfere in those situations. That she made a mistake while trying to protect Luz doesn’t make her a terrible person, especially as, again, the narrative proves her right to an extent.

I’m not saying her making Luz promise to come back and stay isn’t something that hurt Luz—it absolutely is. But it was born out of desperation. She’s emotional and in shock. She’s so full of pain and regret. She just wants her fourteen year old daughter home safe, and there’s nothing abusive or even morally ambiguous about that.

From Luz’s perspective, what she says is absolutely heartbreaking, but from Camila’s, it’s perfectly reasonable. I doubt Camila has the full picture, but even if she does, she’s had a full fifteen seconds to process that her daughter has not only been lying to her for months, but chose to leave her, and is in the demon realm of all places. Of course she’d be emotional and upset about that! Who wouldn’t? Camila isn’t a robot. If she’d been calm about this I’d be way more concerned, honestly.

My parents don’t get mad that easily, but if I would lie to them for weeks on end, they’d be pissed off too, not even taking the running away from home part into account. That’s a normal thing. People don’t like being lied to. Camila is absolutely devastated in that moment because she’s scared that Luz left because she hates her, when Luz actively states that her leaving wasn’t about her mom—which is another thing we should really be acknowledging.

Abusive parents suck and abuse should obviously never be apologized or trivialized, but saying something hurtful in the heat of the moment isn’t the same thing as being an abusive parent. My parents have done this. I’ve done this. And yes, those things can be emotionally manipulative, but there’s a huge difference in whether that’s a habit or a person speaking out of hurt and desperation in a very specific context. I doubt there’s anyone on the entire planet that hasn’t had a bad moment where they’ve said something like this because they were hurting. People lash out when they hurt, and they beg for reassurance when they’re scared. That’s something we all do.

The whole mindset of “all parents have to be perfect and can never get upset or make any mistakes” is harmful as hell, and honestly also very unrealistic. No parent is perfect, and especially people like me who have a relationship with their parents that’s very good overall should know that.

Once you have a child, parenting is a non-stop learning process, every day for the rest of your life. Taking away that room to grow and expecting perfection isn’t helping anyone, especially not struggling single parents.

And I see Camila as someone who is very willing to learn, because at the end of the day, all she wants is for Luz to be happy. Let’s give her some time to wrap her head around this whole situation. Let’s see what she says once she sees for herself how happy Luz is in that world, may it be via the videos eventually coming through or Camila visiting and meeting Luz’s found family, her friends and her girlfriend.

Ultimately, I don’t think Camila will force Luz to stay at home, but we have to give her some time. She wants what’s best for Luz, and she’s gonna need some convincing that a dangerous magical world is what’s best. I feel like that’s very normal considering the circumstances.

Her and Luz need to work on their communication on both ends, they both have things to learn, but I’m certain they’ll manage to fix their relationship in the long run.

If the bunk bed is any indication, I think Vee is gonna stay in the human realm permanently while Luz sleeps at home but keeps attending Hexside in the daytime. That feels like a solution that keeps everyone happy, and allows Luz to spend time with all the people she loves. I can’t see her being forced to choose at the end.

As a closing statement: Eda isn’t an ideal mom, Amity isn’t an ideal friend or girlfriend and neither is Luz, Lilith isn’t an ideal sister… but that’s because no one is ever an ideal anything. Being flawed is a big part of being human. Everyone has different facets to their personality. Their flaws are what makes them such great, relatable, believable characters.

And I feel the same way about Camila. She’s an extremely believable character that reminds me of my own parents, flawed but very loving nonetheless.

(Also honestly, I think it’s pretty telling that some of you guys immediately bash the black single mom that’s obviously trying her hardest while giving the benefit of the doubt to Alador, who has been portrayed as neglecting and threatened his six year old daughter on screen. This was already a thing before we knew much about either of them, and I’m disappointed but unfortunately not very surprised that it still is.)

[aquamarinescarlet]

Don’t give up just yet

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Word count: ~3.6k

Warnings: two curse word (I think), brief mentions of sex and cheating, angst (bare in mind these warnings don’t apply the way you think they do, you’ll have to read to understand)

Summary: The classic soulmate AU, sentences written on each other’s wrists, but with a twist.

Author’s note: This was basically an excuse for me to reinvent the soulmate AU with the wrist tattoos thing. It’s sorta angsty, but I just thought the ending was too funny. Just experimenting here, tell me what you think.

PSA: Dividers are the count down till the day: black is reader focused, red is wanda focused, gold/yellow is also reader focused, but I thought it deserved a little spark.

“You should call her, y’know.”

“Why would I do that? She made her point very clear.”

“It’s her wedding day, Y/N,” Mia reasoned, “and this fight was months ago, you have to get over it.”

You rolled your eyes at her insistence. This discussion has been happening every day for the past two weeks.

“I didn’t do anything wrong, why am I the one who should get over it?” You emphasized.

“He is her soulmate, and she is your sister, the least you could do is pretend.”

“Ugh,” you let out a guttural scream, “I can’t do this anymore Mia, I stand by what I said. That man is an asshole and this soulmate thing is stupid. I don’t trust him, no matter what the words on both their wrists say, and I’m not gonna watch her go down with this and not do anything about it.”

Mia didn’t respond, she knew she’d reached your last nerve. You watched as the woman left your office, sending a last sympathetic glance your way before walking into the hall. 

Mia was right in some points, and you knew that. She was right about it being your sister’s wedding day and that you should be there to support her. She was wrong about you needing to be the one to apologize though. The way people manipulated their lives to fit this whole twisted Soulmate Theory made your blood boil.

The Soulmate Theory was quite simple: everyone was born with a sentence written on their wrists, popular belief is that those are the first words your soulmate will say to you. It was cute, and it worked most of the time, not for your sister though. Or at least you thought so.

Oli's soulmate was Isaac. They had met three years ago and eventually started dating. Oli was a firm believer of the Soulmate Theory and had never dated anyone before, so it was all new and exciting.

You started noticing the patterns roughly one year after they started dating. He was controlling her, discreetly, barely noticeable, but it was there. 

First with clothes, Oli had made it a habit to always ask for his opinions on her clothing, and he would tell her he hated something, regardless of her telling him over and over again she had liked it. You made little comments here and there about his actions, mostly jokes but with some truth behind, she didn’t notice.

Second was friends, Isaac would always want to meet Oli’s friends, and if she went out with one he didn’t know he would make her feel guilty. You started giving more serious warnings, pointing out what he was doing more clearly, she didn’t care and called you crazy.

Third was her feelings, he had his mind set on what her role should be in his life. He praised Oli endlessly when she cooked or cleaned. Other than that, he didn’t care, didn’t pay attention to her stories, didn’t appreciate her paintings and drawings… 

It got to the point where she wouldn’t want to paint anymore, when she was telling a story it would be without her usual excitement. Her smile no longer reached her eyes, she was constantly tired. 

You confronted her about it, several times, but it was of no use. You’d point out the facts and she’d retort with ‘he is my soulmate, the universe bound us together, he wouldn’t do this to me!’

Three months ago was the last time you two talked. She told you he asked her hand. She knew you would be against it, she tried to ease you into the idea of her being with Isaac for the rest of her life. You weren’t having any of it. 

After hours of screaming, arguing and loads of tears, she told you not to come to the wedding, and you said you wouldn’t. 

It’s now four days from the date and you’re not going as long as he’s the one she’s marrying.

You stared at the words on your own wrist. ‘It’s you’. That sentence haunted you for years. What a stupid set of words for your soulmate to say.

As a kid you adored the Soulmate Theory, you paid meticulous attention to the first words you’d exchange with anyone, you made new friends nearly every day in hopes of hearing those words, but they never came.

Until they came. At first it was exhilarating, but the ones you said didn’t match the ones on the person’s wrist. You were extremely disappointed. And then you heard them again, and again, and again… It became almost routine. Every single person you met would say ‘it’s you’ or some variation of it. 

You being who you are certainly didn’t help. During college you had started a tech company and now it had grown to be one of the biggest and most important in the field. The new inventions did win you several prizes and a lot of money. You were also stupid famous, being the young brilliant CEO and all. 

Ever since, you gave up on looking for your soulmate. It seemed counter productive to get yourself all worked up just for it not to happen every single day. You made your peace with it, although a small part of you just wanted to meet said person.

The situation with Isaac and Oli helped. Seeing that it could end up hurting you made it easier to not fixate on finding your soulmate. Nonetheless, the desire was there; hidden, pushed to the back of your mind, but still there.

You just wished your sister could see it too, that the Soulmate Theory is not the solution to all her problems. 

“Relax Steve, it’s all taken care of.” 

“What about the flowers? Did you book the buffet? Did you check with the band? And the decorations? I saw some people didn’t RSVP yet, should I redo the seating charts?” Steve rambled on as Wanda just laughed.

“The flower problem is solved, the buffet confirmed, so did the band, the wedding planner is working on the decorations and redoing the whole seating chart seems… unnecessary, they still have three days to confirm their presence.” She reassured the man who was more stressed than her about the whole situation.

“Okay, sorry, I just want to make sure everything is perfect.” He huffed, taking a seat on the couch. 

“It’s going to be perfect, don’t worry.” She couldn’t help the weirdness that surged upon uttering those words.

“How are you so calm?” Wanda just shrugged, not really sure how to answer. 

Steve took a deep breath and gazed at the red head, offering her a smile. 

“I’m going to sleep, all this wedding stuff has been stressing me all day.” 

“Okay,” Steve made his way to his bedroom but she called him before he reached the hallway, “thanks for the help Rogers.” 

“No worries.” He shot a last smile before disappearing. 

Wanda found herself alone in the living room, the silence only making her thoughts scream louder.

She would be married in three days. It seemed unbelievable. After losing her parents, being experimented on at Hydra, fighting along Ultron, losing her brother and becoming an Avenger, she never thought she would have time to fall in love.

Yet, here she is. Although the feeling wasn’t quite what she thought it would be. It wasn’t exciting, or nerve racking. She felt no different than any other day of her life. Steve seemed like the one who was getting married, not her. 

Vision is sweet and caring, she feels so happy around him. Then what is causing all these doubts to haunt her?

She knows what it is, she just doesn’t want to admit it.

Those words. Those stupid words painted forever on her wrist. ‘Don’t do this’. Ever since joining the Avengers she started using several bracelets to hide them, but they still burned on her skin every single day.

She’d heard of the Soulmate Theory at a very young age. Her parents had explained how those were the first words she’d hear from the love of her life. She would spend hours daydreaming all sorts of scenarios in which someone would say those words to her and they’d fall in love.

After her parent’s death, that stopped being her priority. At the Hydra base she’d only see her brother and a couple dozen different Hydra soldiers, too old and mean for a soulmate. 

Gaining powers was a game changer. She was older then. Stronger. They finally allowed her and Pietro to leave the base and create chaos in Hydra’s name. “Do good” in Hydra’s name. She believed she was doing the right thing. She truly did. 

Hearing her first ‘Don’t do this’ made her question everything. It came from a little kid nonetheless. A scared little kid. It must’ve been a mistake, she thought at the time. But that mistake happened, again, and again, and again… 

When she joined the Avengers her eyes were opened to all the pain and terror she had caused. All the people she hurt. Then it dawned on her, what if one of those ‘Don’t do this’ came from her soulmate? What if she had hurt them, or worse, killed them?

The idea terrified her. So she hid those words on her wrist. A reminder of the evil she’s done and the love she’ll never have. She promised herself to never look for her soulmate, she already caused them enough pain, they didn’t deserve to get tangled in the mess that was her life.

And then Vision was created. Him and Wanda got along greatly. He made her happy. They fell in love, or at least that’s what Wanda told herself, that she fell in love with him. It was possible, there’s no rule on the Soulmate Theory that says you can only fall in love with your soulmate. Plus, Vision is not human, so he doesn’t have words written on his wrist, he doesn’t have a predestined soulmate, technically he doesn’t even have an actual soul for this sort of thing. They could be each other’s soulmate. A loophole on this stupid theory.

Why didn’t it feel like that though? Why was she questioning it so much? And why now? Three days before her wedding?

She took off the bracelets and stared at the ink, brushing her fingers lightly over it. She loved Vision, she affirmed to herself. She wants to marry him. This is what she wants. And she believes in these words, for a while. Long enough for her to fall asleep, turning off her brain from overthinking the situation too much.

Work has had you occupied all week. With back to back meetings and loads of paperwork to fill out, you’ve barely had time to think of anything else.

But now it seems like everything is done and you have more free time than you’d like. 

You left the office early, not having much to do there anymore, and, instead of spending all afternoon home alone, you decided to go out for some coffee.

You were sitting on your usual table in the small coffee shop close to your place. It was calm, quiet and homely, a nice contrast between the places you frequent. The warm cup on your hands did nothing to distract you though.

The book you’d brought was long forgotten on the table as you glanced at your phone every few seconds. It’s two days till the wedding and, even though you tried not to think about it, you hoped your sister would text you saying she broke it off. It was unlikely, but wishing she could get some sense knocked into her wouldn’t kill.

You were so focused on your thoughts that you didn’t notice a woman glancing at you until you caught her trying to call your attention.

“It’s you!” She said, astonished, pointing to the cover of a magazine showing a picture of you.

Recognizing that issue as being a rather old one, you just nodded and offered the woman a friendly smile. She took that as an opportunity to approach you.

“Hi. Sorry,” she sounded excited and also nervous for bothering you, “I just wanted to say what an inspiration you are to women all around, to me especially. I’ve been opening my own business and seeing what you do has been such an encouragement to me. So, thank you!” 

You were surprised by how nice she was. You’d expected her to ask you to invest in her business or something, like everyone who approaches you does, but she didn’t and it was a nice change of pace for once.

“What kind of business are you opening?” You asked. Listen to her talk would be a good distraction, plus, you could use the company.

“Oh, no, that’s ok,” she said, “I don’t want to bother you any further.”

“Please,” you urged, “I have the rest of my day off and I could use someone to talk to. Unless you’re busy, then I wouldn’t want to be a burden to you.” You laughed to ease the woman’s nerves.

“Sure?” You nodded and gestured to the empty seat across from you. 

She accepted it and you spent at least an hour talking before she had to leave. It was a pleasant conversation, she praised your work but didn’t refrain from giving some interesting criticism on your business. The topic of an investment or a partnership never even came up. 

It got your sister out of your mind for a while, although it didn’t last long.

Laying on your bed, your eyes fought to stay open, your mind swirling with all possible scenarios regarding Oli. She would be miserable if she went through with this, and you couldn’t do anything about it.

You love your sister, you care so much about her, but she refuses to listen to your warnings. You could swallow your pride and go to the wedding. You could try and support her. But that would just make an accomplice to her stupidity and you’re not going to just stand there and pretend that that’s ok.

You thought about texting her, way too many times. But your relationship is already rocky as it is, the least you could do is hope she gets some clarity on her own.

One day till the wedding. She’s 24 hours away from the happiest day of her life. Why is it, then, that Wanda doesn’t feel as happy as she should be. 

She didn’t have to fake a smile, she was happy, but that smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

None of the others seemed to notice it. They just thought it was the nervousness of having everything set so the day could run smoothly. Vision even brought up the possibility of her having cold feet about it, but she denied it thoroughly, assuring him she wanted this.

And she does. She wants to get married, have kids and build up a family of her own. She wants it all. 

It still seemed weird though. Like something was off. 

“Steve just called,” Nat interrupted her thoughts, walking back into the room, “everything is set, prepped and organized for tomorrow.”

“Let’s try on the dress then.” Carol urged the girl to put on the piece of clothing for the millionth time.

It did her justice. Slim at the top and flowy at the bottom, accentuating all her curves perfectly. It wasn’t big and puffy but light and delicate. She smiled at her own reflection as the other women crammed around her to take a look.

“You look beautiful.” Pepper said in awe. 

“She does, doesn’t she.” Laura agreed, even though she’s the one that helped her choose it.

Wanda didn’t say anything, just smiling and appreciating her own image, excitement growing on her chest from wearing it in front of everyone the next day.

The girls spent hours planning how they would do her hair and makeup. There were so many ideas, disagreements and arguments that Wanda was completely drained by the end of the day. She was happy though, to see her friends being there for her, eager to help and make sure everything was perfect.

It was nice to have people around since she lost so much throughout the years.

After the women were gone and she found herself alone, Wanda’s thoughts from the beginning of the day came back, hitting her like a train.

Was she really more excited about wearing a dress than about getting married? Was this a sign of her actually getting cold feet? 

She shrugged them away, affirming to herself these are just stupid uncertanties people always get before their wedding day. At least that’s what happens in movies, so nothing to worry about... right?

Thankfully your work slump had subsided as now a gigantic pile of papers sat on your table. Some contracts had to be restructured and a set of stores had to be chosen to distribute your newest technology. 

You thrived in that scenario, with countless reports and 2D drawings of the prototypes scattered about the room. Your mind was going a thousand miles a minute, seemingly unaware of the events that would take place later that day.

That peace, however, was short lived. Your brain short circuited for a second when you checked what had caused your phone to buzz.

Two voicemails. 

From none other than Isaac. 

It was right then that it dawned on you: Oli was marrying that asshole today. In only a couple of hours actually.

Before listening to the messages you started to record your phone screen, maybe he would try to threaten you or something and you could use that to convince Oli to break things off with him. It wouldn’t kill to be precautious.

The first one was sweet, although it almost made you gag, it was sent with good intentions. Isaac was asking you to go easy on Oli, regardless of your feelings towards him, you should be supportive of her and her decisions. Too pretentious for your liking, but sent with good intentions nonetheless.

The second one started awfully weird. Some muffled sounds, things you couldn’t quite make out. Until you heard a loud moan, your eyes going wide as you pushed your phone away from your face. Isn’t it technically ‘bad luck’ to see the bride on the wedding day? You didn’t have time to dwell on those thoughts as the voice on the phone started to moan each other’s names. The woman didn’t sound anything like Oli, because it wasn’t Oli. Isaac was cheating on your sister? And on their wedding day!?

Oh you weren’t about to just let that go. You stopped the recording, thanking your intuition, and quickly ringed Oli.

It rang once… twice… three times… and then voicemail. You tried at least four more times until you figured she just didn’t want to talk to you.

“Marie can you come in here please?” You called your secretary.

A few seconds later she popped her head inside your office.

“How can I help?”

“Can I use your phone!?” You sounded more exasperated than you wished.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to call your sister today?” Damn, that woman knows you too well. You sighed loudly.

“Please… I just…” You trailed off, sounding desperate this time around.

Thankfully Marie gave in and lent you her phone. You typed Oli’s number and rang it, several times, she didn’t pick up once. You were starting to get truly desperate now.

“Do you have the address?” You handed Marie her phone back.

“Here.” She handed you a piece of paper from her pocket. 

It was on the other side of the city, at least a one hour drive. You quickly grabbed your coat, purse and phone, rushing out of the office, only being stopped by a hand wrapping around your wrist.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” You gave her a reassuring smile and a quick nod before making your way to your car. Marie has been working with you since the beginning, she always knew when you were up to nothing good. She also knew that when you set your mind to something, there was no stopping you.

The drive was excruciating. You kept making stupid mistakes and taking wrong turns. Everything seemed to work against you, being it: accidents, red lights, slow drivers, pedestrians. Even the birds chirping around were pissing you off.

You finally reached the venue and stopped the car messily in the front entrance. You quickly ran up the stairs, and almost tripped and fell when you heard the officiant was already performing the ceremony.

You reached the doors and yanked them open, hopefully interrupting the wedding before it was too late.

“Don’t do this!” You screamed at the top of your lungs, nearly breathless. 

The guests all turned towards you, surprised. So did the couple on the podium.

Except those people weren’t Oli and Isaac. You recognized them, Vision and Scarlet Witch, or at least that’s the names they went for on television. You’ve seen them before, doing business with Stark had its perks, but had never been introduced.

You could’ve felt bad, but your stomach was a turmoil of faith and nausea. You were either really early or really late to stop Oli.

“Sorry,” you said, trying to catch your breath, “wrong wedding, carry on.” You turned around to leave, but not before noticing the bride glancing at her own wrist.

You didn’t get the chance to take a single step out the door before her voice filled the silence that had settled.

“It’s you.” You stopped dead on your tracks. Your wrist burning slightly, not the kind of pain to cause discomfort, just enough to be noticeable.

Those words. 

Her looking at her wrist.

Your’s burning now.

You turned back around, earning all kinds of confused glances from the guests. Your eyes fell on the woman, a smirk plastered on your lips.

“Seems like this isn’t the wrong wedding after all.”

[ayamari-no-goshi]

To Join the Whispers (12)

AO3 

There’s artwork now!!

Jason’s ghost form by @elle-mrly: Line sketch and Colored version

Scenes from chapter 11 from @impyssadobsessions: 1 and 2

Fandoms: Danny Phantom (DP) / DC universe

Summary:  THIS   IS A CROSSOVER. A contact for the Batfamily passed along a rumor that  the League of  Assassins were investigating a small city called Amity  Park.The old man and Tim managed to find evidence of unusual  paranormal  activity in the town. While they weren’t entirely certain it  wasn’t  just infested with metas, the locals believed the entities that   haunted, for lack of a  better word, the town were actual ghosts. If  there was one thing Ra’s al Ghul didn’t need to get his grubby hands on,  it was ghosts.That’s probably why Jason was doing this. He had the  unfortunate luck to experience both death and resurrection in a way he’d  never recommend to anyone else.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, and questionable mental health

Parings: none

Notes: originally uploaded to AO3. Cross-posted to tumblr. Jason Todd-centric

Jason’s head was pounding as he came to, and his arms felt like someone tied lead weights to them. Groaning slightly, he sat up and glanced around. He was back in the hotel room and on one of the beds. He didn’t remember going to bed. Was he just that tired? Or had he passed out? Judging by the fact his red vest was on the same chair as his mask, it was probably the latter. Great.

But what happened before that? His last memory was making sure Danny was safe… Shit! Was the kid okay?

Bolting upright, he ended up hissing in pain as his arm throbbed. A quick glance told him someone must have given him first aid as the place where the Fentons grazed him was bandaged. That must have been worse than he thought it was if it was still bothering him like that.

“I don’t think Batman wants you to get up yet.” Glancing over, he found Danny in his human form sitting on the other bed. His smile seemed forced, and he wouldn’t look up. “The others filled me in. Thanks for, uh, helping me and not hurting my parents.”

He nodded. “Are you okay? Whatever Plasmius hit you with…”

“It’s fine,” Danny cut him off as he rubbed the back of his neck. “He’s done the same thing before. Guess he just put more power behind it this time. But see,” he transformed into Phantom, “I’m all good. I have a few bruises, sure, but that’s a lot better than I normally get from fights.”

“Do you hear yourself?” Jason swung his legs over the edge of the bed to more comfortably face the teen. Everything hurt.

Danny shrunk back a little as he returned to his human form. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine.” He pushed his bangs back before bringing both of his hands to rest on his legs. “That shock triggered a freeze response, a traumatic response, in you. You were completely unresponsive. What if the G.I.W., or God forbid, your parents managed to do something similar?”

“But it wasn’t them. It was Vlad, and as fruit loop-y as he is, he’s not going to kill me.”

“Danny,” Jason sighed before continuing, “look… you know I got murdered as a teen. I thought with all the training I had I’d be able to get out of any situation, and even if I couldn’t, Batman would swoop in at the last second. I was a hero, and heroes always win.” He gripped his hands as he continued. “When you fight the same people again and again with the same result, you can start to forget how dangerous they really are.”

“I’ll fully admit I let myself fall into a trap, that I didn’t realize I got manipulated until it was too late. And in those final moments, I knew no one was coming. I knew I was going to die alone.” He glanced at Danny as he let himself have a small pause to make sure he kept his emotions under control. The kid’s eyes had widened, and his complexion paled. “So many of us get wrapped up in the chance to play hero that we forget the dangers. Even if we have a mentor, sometimes we still end up as cannon fodder for a crusade that was never ours.”

That was one of the reasons he couldn’t get rid of some of the resentment he had towards Bruce. Even after losing a Robin, he still took on and trained more kids for the role. No matter how talented, kids shouldn’t be on the front line. They shouldn’t be fighting criminals and risking their lives. And for some fucking reason, he couldn’t get Bruce to either acknowledge or understand it. But those were thoughts for later.

As an uneasy silence began to fall between them, there was a knock before the door opened to reveal Bruce, still in costume. They momentarily stared at each other before the others, led by Dick, brushed passed him and into the room. Although Damian elected to stay near the door, the others came over to poke and prod at him. No one seemed to be wearing the Deflectors as he wasn’t getting shocked, but it still didn’t mean he liked it.

Cussing, he ended up standing in an attempt to better fed them off. What was their deal anyways? He was fine, or at least he was pretty sure he was fine. Did something in his appearance change from whatever Vlad did to him? He better not have more white hair.

All thoughts and everyone else’s actions screeched to a halt when his arm accidentally went through Cass’ chest. He stared in dawning horror that he could feel the sensation of her heart beating and the motions of the lungs and surrounding muscle as she breathed. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. What was he supposed to do? He needed to remove it, but what if he accidentally damaged her heart or lungs? What if he got stuck? What would that do?

“Panicking will make it worse.” Danny’s voice was soft and sullen as he came over and gently touched his arm. Just like when the kid made them both invisible at Vlad’s mansion, he could feel Danny’s energy wash over the intangible limb. Seconds later, he had them safely separated. Cass tentatively checked the area for a moment before giving a reassuring smile. It didn’t make him feel better.

Bruce cleared his throat, getting everyone’s attention. He wanted to talk so that meant everyone needed to pick a spot and stop fussing. Danny frowned in confusion at the sudden change, so Jason gestured for him to have a seat.

Once that was settled, he decided to sit on the floor using the bed he woke up on as a back rest. Well, that was what he planned on doing. It was like it wasn’t even there as he fell backwards. He blinked a few times in confusion as he realized he was staring at the underside of the bed. He had fallen through it. What even was his life at this point? “I can’t wait ‘til this shit stops.”

“Are you okay?” Duke questioned as feminine laughter could be heard throughout the room. Sounded like Stephanie. Bruce must have set up communications.

“Oh yeah, I just love counting the ungodly number of dust bunnies under beds.” After pulling himself out from under the bed, he once again tried to lean against it. This time it worked. “Guess that’s how I got under there yesterday.” He glanced at Dick. “That means you’re off the hook, this time.”

“That’s happened to me more times than I can count,” Danny admitted while trying to suppress a smile. “It was really bad in the month following my accident, and me panicking every time didn’t help. I don’t have a clue how I managed hide all my slip ups from my parents or my classmates.”

“Anyways, what was that about?” Jason asked he eyed his siblings as he rubbed his chest. That weird, concentrated feeling of the Pit was still there. “Is something glowing again?”

“I knew you were dense, Todd, but this level of unawares is almost impressive.” Damian gave an arrogant smirk, impressed with his own insult.

Bruce frowned at the brat before focusing his attention on Jason. “What do you remember from last night?”

“Let’s see, Plasmius decided to play puppeteer in ballroom.” He glanced at Danny. “Did Glowstick tell you guys what he said?”

“Yeah,” Babs affirmed with an irritated huff. “We’re already working on how to upgrade our systems so that doesn’t happen again. We have one of the most, if not most, secure computers in the world, and a ghost can bypass everything just by possessing it. It’s frustrating.”

“It also paints the data Vlad had on various heroes and criminals in a new light,” Tim added as he typed on his wrist computer. “We thought he’d gathered that on his own. So, now we’re trying to see if there are any independent systems where he might have stored more information as well as prepping for any potential fallout.”

Jason nodded before giving a quick summary of the events after getting out of the ballroom and up to when he set Danny on the bed. When he mentioned the pod, he couldn’t repress a shiver. That thing was going to haunt his dreams for a while. “I don’t think there’s anything else. Am I missing something?”

“Did Plasmius tell you what he was trying to do to you?” Bruce pressed.

Jason could tell something the old man was hiding something, and it made him uneasy. “He was unhappy about my lack of ghostliness and thought I might have an incomplete or inactive core. He wanted to fix that.” He could still feel echoes of the burning pain across his skin from being submerged in Pit water again.

Danny seemed to wince on his behalf. “Well, on the bright side, Vlad didn’t try duplicating his own accident on you. That involved cola contamination, a blast to the face with a proto-portal, and ecto-acne.”

“What the fuck, Glowstick?” he asked after a moment of stunned silence.

The kid shrugged. “Ectoplasm can do a lot of weird things to normal people and objects. I already told you my parents managed to bring food to life with it on accident when they modified the microwave and oven. I think they finally learned not to use it on turkeys and chicken after the multiple times they’ve tried taking over the house, but my dad did somehow befriended the franken-wiennies. They’re now part of the home security.”

“You know, just when I think I can’t be surprised anymore…” Dick murmured while he ran his hands over his face. Tim nodded in agreement.

“I probably shouldn’t ask, but what did they do with the undead food? You didn’t eat them, did you?” It looked like Stephanie scooted closer to the screen as she waited for the answer.

“My parents did. Jazz and I ordered take out.”

Everyone, including Bruce, showed or vocalized some sort of disgust. But if Maddie and Jack really would eat stuff like that, then maybe they really did have some form of ectoplasmic contamination. Funny, he never would have thought food would be the potential cause.

“Back to the matter at hand,” Bruce eyes wept around the room before focusing on Jason, “you’re not aware of anything abnormal?”

“Did you forget I got stuck in a table? That’s pretty abnormal, if you ask me.”

Stephanie openly snickered. “Did he really? Oracle, you’ve got to show me the video of that!”

“Spoiler.”

“Alright, alright.” Some of Steph’s excitement vanished at Bruce’s admonishment. “I can watch it later.”

“B, I really don’t think he knows,” Tim stretched his arms as he spoke. “It’s probably best to show him the footage.”

Now on edge, Jason took the laptop Dick handed him while their siblings and Danny crowded around him. The screen was split between the four feeds from when they were fighting Plasmius. Babs must have hit play on her end as the recordings started. Everything seemed normal. So why…?

When Plasmius shocked Danny, that’s where things changed. The visual feed from his equipment went out while the other three momentarily glitched. When the three feeds corrected, he noticed he looked different. The red parts of his costume appeared blue, and his boots and knee pads looked off. At first, he thought it was part of the glitch, but no one else looked different.

He glanced down at his shirt. His symbol was definitely red, and he distinctly remembered when he looked at his vest earlier, it was also still red. A growing sense of dread filled the pit of his stomach as Babs changed it to just Cass’ feed when they were escaping.

In the dark, it almost appeared as if he was glowing faintly. It had to be from him carrying Danny, but as the feed was switched to Dick’s, he realized it was slightly different than the kid’s. He also noted the injury on his arm and how it wasn’t bleeding. Instead, it was oozing an unnatural green substance.

The feed once again changed to when Tim watched him put Danny on the bed. When he pulled down his hood, white hair with a black streak was now visible, and when the mask was removed, glowing green eyes could be briefly seen before the feed glitched again. When the distortion cleared, his unconscious form could be seen looking as normal as always.

No… No. No. NO! Fuck no! It couldn’t be. It was supposed to be temporary! Things were supposed to go back to normal.

This was Plasmius’ fault. He knew. He saw. That’s why he said he got something he wanted. That fucker did this to him.

The Pit churned uneasily in response to his inner turmoil. With a jolt, he realized why it felt more concentrated than before. That… that was his core. What did that mean? Did it replace his heart? No, he could still feel that pounding in his chest. That was one good thing, he guessed.

But what was this going to mean for him? Having unstable abilities made anyone a liability, but there was also Bruce to contend with. Things still weren’t great between them, and there was a very real possibility he could get blamed for crimes he had nothing to do with. While he knew he brought that lack of trust on himself, he was trying to stay on the lighter side of gray, but Bruce’s paranoia could get the better of him at times. Then there was the temptation it’d bring. He might have to leave Gotham for a long time, maybe even permanently.

Then there was the planning. They’d have to figure out what to do if someone else found out and gained control of him to hurt the others. Should he hide it from Roy and Kori? It’d probably be safer, but at the same time, if he didn’t and it was used against him to hurt them…

His world was falling apart. Wait, no, he was actually starting to fall through the floor. There was a flutter of confusion as someone grabbed the computer off him before at least two people hoisted him up by the arms. Breaking out of their grips, he found his siblings staring at him with concern or pity or amusement. He didn’t know at this point. He just needed to leave.

“I’m… I’m going to go smoke.” Not caring he was technically still in uniform, he brushed past Bruce, who didn’t try to stop him. He grabbed the jacket he knew had his cigarettes and headed towards the roof.

…

“Did the old man send you?” Jason questioned as he lit another cigarette. He’d already gone through five of them as he sat and tried to quiet his chaotic mind.

“No, I decided to come on my own.” Danny sounded like he was sitting on top of stairwell. “I think the others aren’t sure what to do.”

“That’d be a first.” Technically, that was a lie, but they were all pros at improvising until something worked in their favor.

Unlike their previous rooftop conversation, the silence wasn’t comforting. Maybe it was because, while he never openly voiced it, the kid was hoping for a similar outcome, even if it wasn’t what Jason wanted. It wasn’t like anyone else really understood his reality, save for Plasmius. Just thinking about that bastard made the Pit whisper, stirring thoughts of punishment and revenge. No, he wasn’t going down that road. Not right now anyways.

Eventually, he couldn’t deal with it anymore and put out his cigarette. “This isn’t going to go away, is it?”

“No, it won’t.” There was a hesitant pause before Danny quietly added. “And I know from experience trying to go back to normal turns out badly.”

“Of fucking course.” He stared up at the sky and sighed. “Just when things were finally getting better, karma or whatever decides to punch me in the gut. Wait…What?” Did Danny say what he thought he said? “You tried…?”

The teen didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he slid off the roof of the stairwell and sat next to him. “Yeah. I was brought up being told that ghosts are malicious and evil. That they’d do anything to hurt the living.” His gaze was distant. “My parents used to joke that if something ever happened to me or Jazz and we came back as ghosts, that they’d make sure to destroy us before we had a chance to hurt anyone. I think they thought it was comforting.”

“That’s pretty messed up.”

“I guess. It was just part of life growing up, but then the accident happened.” Danny momentarily gripped his jeans, probably due to the memory. “I was terrified. Suddenly, I had all these powers and no way to control them. I didn’t even know if I was still alive or just pretending to be. And according to my parents, I was supposed to be evil. I think some part of me took responsibility for the others ghosts just to prove I wasn’t evil.”

The kid leaned back and stared upwards. “Sam and Tucker were there when it happened. If… if it wasn’t for them, I might have gone crazy. There were times I even debated letting my parents know so they could fix me. Even though I’m pretty sure now they would have accepted me, the ‘what ifs’ stopped me. Hearing your parents talk about dissecting you isn’t exactly comforting. Besides, it’s just been easier to keep them in the dark.”

“My friends tried to do their best to get me to think positively about the situation. I mean, who doesn’t dream about being a superhero when they’re little at least once? But they didn’t understand how hard it was. Between trying to hide my powers and the sleepless nights trying to stop the ghosts coming from the Portal, I was struggling. I just wanted everything to go back to normal, and only worry about normal teenage things and work my butt off in school so I could get into NASA and become an astronaut…” He sighed before continuing. “My parents once invented something that could separate ectoplasm from almost anything. I tried that, but it didn’t go well. It split me into two incomplete bodies.”

When he grimaced at the mental image, Danny backtracked. “Oh! No, no, no! According to Sam and Tucker, we looked okay, but it wasn’t exactly a perfect split between human and ghost, and our personalities were all screwed up. My memories from that are really fuzzy so I can’t really explain it better, but I’m pretty sure the mostly human me rode a vacuum cleaner at one point. I should ask Tucker about that. If anyone has video of it, it’s him.”

“You know… I think something like that once happened to Big Blue…” Jason was pretty sure he’d previously read through files referencing a red and blue Superman. “But Bats and the others have dealt with alternative universes, so I’m not completely sure if that happened to ours or a different one.”

“Big blue?”

“Oh, Superman. You wouldn’t think it, but him and Bats are friends.”

Danny’s mouth dropped open as his eyes widened in shock. After a moment, he seemed to realize he was staring. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. Batman is a member of the Justice League, and you and the others have probably met a bunch of other heroes. I’ve always wanted to meet Martian Manhunter. I mean, he’s from Mars! How cool is that?”

Despite himself, Jason chuckled as Danny launched into an explanation of what fascinated him about space. It was nice to see some of the wariness he carried behind his eyes and smile momentarily melt away. He really had been forced into a situation he shouldn’t have been. Maybe he could hint to Bruce to introduce the kid to J’onn. Their abilities had some similarities after all.

Oh, that applied to him now too. Fuck. He was going to have to figure out how this whole thing worked. And knowing Bruce, he was going to do everything in his power to keep him in the manor until he wasn’t a danger to himself or the others due to an accidental slip up, especially with what happened earlier.

“Huh? Sorry, I got distracted.” He hadn’t realized he got lost in his thoughts until Danny waved a hand in front of his face.

“It’s cool. Things are probably really weird for you right now.” A troubled expression crossed his face. “I was talking about how things were at first and how I wanted to have things go back to normal… For a while, I tried to ignore everything. That backfired.”

“What do you mean?”

“For us, our human side gives extra energy to our cores, and if it’s not used, you might find yourself unintentionally sinking through furniture or having an invisible arm for hours. It sucks.” Danny raised his hand and formed a small crystal in it.

“That’s ice, right? Saw you use it against Plasmius.”

“Yep, but I can make more than ice.” He mischievously grinned as a snowball formed in his hand. “Catch!”

Jason barely had enough time to prevent it from hitting his face, but that didn’t stop some of the snow from getting in his hair or on his clothes. “At least I know who to bring with me the next time some decides I need to join a snowball fight.”

“Nice, right?” Danny’s smile faded again. “This is probably the power that gives me the most trouble. If I don’t use or practice with it a couple times a week, I risk freezing myself solid.”

“Are you telling me your powers could kill you?” This kid was going to turn more of his hair white. That was an extremely important bit of information to know.

“Maybe?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, I don’t really know if I can properly die or not. It’s not really something I’ve wanted to test. But, from talking to Frostbite and some of the other ghosts who have been around a while, it’s really only an issue for stronger ghosts with elemental cores. You don’t currently have one, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

“Don’t currently have one…” Jason repeated as he ran his hands over his face. “Glowstick, I can barely wrap my mind around having a normal one or whatever. I don’t need to think about it changing or whatever down the line right now.”

“You know, if you’re going to continue calling me that, I need to give you a nickname too, at least one better than Skunkhead.” Danny tapped his foot for a moment. “Hmm… maybe Antares or Naos.”

“What are you calling me?” He wasn’t familiar with either word, but neither sounded like an insult. He was going to have to remember to look those up later.

“Don’t worry about.” Danny stood and stretched his back. A few pops could be heard. Once he was done, he turned and grinned. “How about we go flying? It’ll help take your mind off things, and there’s nothing quite like it. What do you say?”

====

Notes:

Fun Danny did ride a vacuum around his room in Splitting Images. No clue why I remember that.

So, Superman Red and Superman Blue are a thing - same person split into 2. First appeared in a 'what if' type story in 1963 (Superman #162). The most famous version is from 1998 where it's a one shot. The 90s were a weird time in comics. Also don't know if this is still canon either. DC did say that all stories are relevant again, but might only exist as alternative memories...? Trying to figure this out gives me a headache, and I know it's just going to change again in a year or two.

Antares and Naos are the names of stars. Antares is a red star in Scorpio, and the name means 'opponent to Ares(Mars)'. Naos is a blue star that's part of the constellation Puppis which is one of three constellations that represent the ship Argo that was used by Jason and the Argonauts.

[yanderemommabean]

Could you do another yandere all smite purge one please?

“This is not a test “ Echoed through the empty streets as the final safety doors slammed shut, leaving poor souls who were too late in the open and in the vicious line of sight for those looking to hunt. “Your government is announcing the commencement of the lovesick purge. All participants must obey the rules given and indoctrinated-” the message drones on, turning to muffled booms as you rush through the alleyways and stomp through the puddles in your way.

God you hated this time of year. You were never prepared for it, never ready to handle the horrified screams and gunshots going off until morning rise. Praying never brought the sun up any faster but hey, it passed the time. This year you just wanted to hide away in your room like last time and blare music through your headphones, hiding in a cupboard or maybe that hallway closet. Last time it was kinda cozy.

You have to actually get home first, but why wouldn’t you? You knew your shortcuts, your danger zones, and how to fight dirty incase someone picked a fight. You’d like to think you could handle yourself.

You slide into another alley and catch your breath, watching as three people rush past and argue over where to go and what to do. You didn’t bother getting involved or helping, it was every man for himself and kindness could very well get you killed. You wait to see what happens to the three, and when nothing but silence follows, you try not to think about the outcome.

Cracking your neck, you take a breath and begin to run again, having just a few more blocks to “safety”. That being a building thats very easy to bust into and a door that could be broken by just a breath. But it was home, and home is where we subconsciously think no harm will come.

A large hand on your shoulder stops you dead in your tracks, yanking you back into the darkness of the alley. You begin to fight, kicking and biting while trying to escape the grip of your possible killer, your fists making little to no impact with every blow.

Well that’s embarrassing. You thought you were stronger than that.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I’m not gonna hurt you” the voice pacifies, a deep chuckle following as the male forces your arms behind your back. You recognized that voice, hearing it speak on the news and on social media constantly.

Not in a heroic manner, not in some savior like way. This man was the tormentor everyone feared. This was the infamous villain All Smite. The man who can kill without remorse and destroy with a smile on his face, has you in his grip for god knows what.

“Silent now? I pegged you as a screamer” he joked, watching you roll your eyes at the innuendo. “I don’t exactly know what to say. I know begging won’t do shit” you admit with a nervous swallow, trying to avoid pissing him off and making the situation worse. Panicking wouldn’t help, no matter how good of an idea your brain made it seem.

The bulking blond laughs, and presses his head against the nape of your neck as he tightens your bonds. “This is why I love you. You’re so calm and calculating yet shy and timid. Cute and sexy. Just my type”. Wait, wait, just his type? Wasn’t he tying you up to like, throw you in a river or something? Break your bones and take your money? No! No there’s no way in hell this man is your yandere! You weren’t even given a warning letter!

Then again you suppose he’s a villain, why would he go by the rules? You not knowing gave him a larger advantage on catching you. You shiver feeling his large hands roam over you, as if checking for weapons and hidden items, but also a cheap way to cop a feel. “P-Pervert” you bit out, knowing that no matter what you said, what you did, you’d only lose and be his entertainment. He loved it when his victims begged and sobbed.

You wouldn’t give him that satisfaction.

All Smite gently lifts you, cradling you as he begins walking down the street with bravado. Dude always has to put on a show. “You’re just going to kill me after this aren’t you? Hurt me, bruise me up, and slit my neck?” you asked bitterly, accepting your fate a bit faster than mentally healthy. Unless of course you were dead on the inside like the author.

All smite gave you an odd look. Brows furrowed in what you dare call concern, as if you were the one acting odd and dangerous. “I don’t think you fully grasp what’s occurring. You’re mine. Captured. My lover to be unless you escape the next purge. Bonded to me and me bonded to you”.

Yeah...ok you’re kidnapped. That should be sinking in, this shouldn’t be so casual, this shouldn't be so calm as it is. You just don't feel a fight in you. Almost like...like you wanted this to happen. Like you wanted to be caught and give up. You should be fighting more than this, tied up or not, but instead you’re empty and waiting for a fantasy that isn’t to come.

The villain gently brushes your hair away from your face, and sighs lovingly “You’ve been hurting for so long. You’ve been abandoned by those who are supposed to protect you, been cut by those who say they love you. You’re tired”.

“Shut up” you spit “You don’t know shit! You’re just playing mind games”.

He only gives a hum in response, opening the door to his hideout while you try to ignore the fact he hit some nerves. “I’ve watched you for a while, you know?” he plops you down on his couch, watching your eyes avert his gaze as he continues. “I’ve seen the hurt those people gave you. The condescending tones over your achievements, the scolding you when you finally come out of your shell, the audacity to belittle you when you’re doing your best and trying to survive and they only sit on their asses”.

You glare with tears in your eyes, spitting out bitterly “What’s your fucking point? What you-you wanna break me down and start from there?! See how deep those fucking scars go? Want me to tell you how they used to beat me-”

He hushes you softly, making you choke back a sob as he just holds your head in his large hands, wiping away your angry tears. “I want to be here for you. Help you heal yourself and show you that I can be the only person you need. A strong person like you deserves to be spoiled and worshipped. “ he kisses the top of your head, holding you as you shudder out more confused tears. Relief and grief, pain and soothing, it was so odd.

Could you really trust him? He’s probably just manipulating you for some sick game of his! “L-Like I can trust a single word from that snake like mouth” you meekly comment, fists clenching in their bindings as All Smite just continues to stroke your hair. “You can’t. Not yet. But I plan to prove that you can trust me, and plan to show you how devoted I am to you and our love”.

You squint in disbelief once again “I’m not in love with you”.

A wicked grin spreads on his face as he steals a quick kiss “You will be”

-Mommabean

[nastybuckybarnes]

Deep End  -  Five

Pairing: Dark!Steve Rogers X Reader

Summary: He’s back. After all your best efforts at getting away, he’s found you again. And this time, he’s not letting you go so easily. He’s determined to do whatever it takes to get you to be his. Forever.

Warnings: Dark Themes, Language, Angst, Manipulation, Injuries, 

Word Count: 3.2K

A/n: here we are, folks. What if I ended it like this lol that would be kinda gangsta of me LMAO

Deep End Masterlist

THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

~*~

You push open the front door with a heavy sigh, setting the paper grocery bags down on the counter then resting a hand on your growing belly.

There’s a tiny flutter under your hand and you can’t help yourself from smiling.

The smile vanishes, however, when a hand grabs at your shoulder and forces you to turn around.

“Where the Hell were you?” Steve’s angry voice demands.

You look up at him in shock and confusion, looking over at the groceries.

“I-I just went to the store.”

He shakes his head, grabbing your face with one hand and stepping closer. You take a step back with each one he takes towards you, and soon enough he’s got you pinned against the wall.

His grip on your face tightens and you wince, fear overwhelming your body, making your heart race.

“Bucky said he saw you talking to someone. A man. Who was he?”

You shake your head, tears welling up in your eyes.

“H-He was just asking me about my pregnancy. When I'm due, if I know what I’m having.”

It’s nothing but the truth.

“I give you freedom and this is what you do? You go and flirt with other guys? You’re my property. Don’t forget that.”

Your tears fall down your cheeks and into his hand, but he doesn't let go. Even as your chest heaves and sobs bubble out of you, he stays glaring at you.

“Please, Steve, stop. Y-You’re hurting me!”

His jaw flexes and he slowly lets go, only to cage you against the wall, slamming his fist against it in the process.  

Your heart hammers in your chest, terror gripping you and freezing you in place as you remember what he did to Nat and her baby.

“I-I came home, didn’t I? I could’ve asked for help! Could’ve said something, but I didn’t. I’m here, again, even though I could’ve run away. I’m here. You have me! You have me.”

You slide down the wall, knees drawn up to your chest as you sob, the reality of your words and the fear doing a number on your emotions.

Steve’s anger slowly melts away, replaced with concern as he sees nothing but terror on your face.

“I-I didn’t mean to yell, honey. It’s okay, shh, come here.”

You don’t fight him as he pulls you into his arms and brings you upstairs into your bedroom, sitting you gently on the bed and pushing your hair away from your face.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, sweetheart I just... You gotta understand how nervous it makes me when you leave the house like that.”

You sniffle then slowly look up at him, your eyes bloodshot and tear-filled.

“Then why give me the freedom to leave?”

Your voice cracks and it makes his heart hurt.

“I... I want to trust you. That’s why.”

You take a few deep breaths, your eyes focused on your trembling hands as your heart starts to slow back to its normal rhythm.

“Ever since that night when Nat and Buck came over you’ve... you’ve been off. I’m worried about you, honey. I just wanna make sure that everything’s okay.”

He wants to know what Nat told you. What she said to have you acting like this.

Your eyes meet his, wet and full of fear as you whisper three words.

“Is it true?”

He has an idea what you’re referring to, and his heart picks up speed.

“Did...did you do it?”

He swallows hard and avoids your eyes, but that’s answer enough.

Some strange mixture of a gasp and a sob bubbles out of you, and you bring your hands up to cover your face as your shoulders start shaking again.

“I didn’t... I guess I did.” You sniffle and look up at him through your tears.

“If you want me to trust you... if you ever want any hope at having some semblance of normalcy, you’re gonna need to elaborate. I’m trying to play your little game but I just... I’m scared you’re gonna kill my baby too. That you’re gonna hurt Sarah.”

He shakes his head immediately, grabbing your hands and holding them softly in his.

“I would never hurt Sarah, or our new baby, okay? Natasha... she was becoming a liability. That being said, I didn’t go into it with the intention of hurting her baby but... I knew it could be a consequence.”

You wait for him to continue, your heart pounding loudly in your ears.

“When you burned the book... that wasn’t the only copy. Fury made sure there was at least one more, in case we ever needed it. Had his own group working on it, creating a new version of it. Natasha became a test subject long before I met you. Before I... took you.”

He drops his eyes and huffs out a sigh.

“We didn’t need to wipe her memory, we just... needed a way to make her more complacent. To make her realize that she can’t go off on her own and keep secrets like that. Especially when they involve you.”

Your chest heaves as you glare at him, your anger growing by the second.

“Did you kill her baby?”

The words are harsh like the crack of a whip, and he has to stop himself from flinching.

“It wasn’t my intention... but it was worth it.”

You choke on another sob, yanking your hands out of his grip.

“I didn’t know what the tea would do to her baby. It was just a mild sedative so we could get her to the facility and do the procedure. Get her to tell us where you were, where Sarah was. But then she... she started bleeding. I didn’t... I thought maybe it was just a side effect but then the doctors told us... (Y/n), you’ve gotta believe me. You need to know that I didn’t mean to...” he trails off and shakes his head, thinking about the niece or nephew that he could’ve had.

The son or daughter that he stripped Bucky of. The pain he inflicted upon Natasha. But he has you, so in the end, it was worth it.

You slowly look up at him, shaking your head.

“Why? You’ve done nothing but lie to me and hurt me. Why should I believe a word you’re saying?”

He swallows hard, reaching for your hand again only for you to yank it away once more.

“You want the truth? Fine. You’re not the first person that we’ve... taken. And I doubt you’ll be the last. Bucky... he had someone. Someone to help him control the soldier. But she turned out to be worse than him. We had to terminate her because she became a liability.”

He looks down at his hands, remembering how innocent she seemed. And then she snapped. Tried killing Nat and Bucky. Turned the redhead against them until Fury stepped in.

“Nat didn’t... agree with what we did. So we changed her mind.”

Your brows draw together in confusion.

He can’t mean... can he?

As if sensing your confusion, he elaborates.

“We didn’t do exactly the same procedure. But it... its function was the same. We needed her to forget certain things. To be our friend again while still remembering other things about the situation. And it worked. All I wanted to do this time was open her up to us again. Tell me where you and Sarah were. I never meant to hurt her baby.”

You shake your head furiously, tears dripping down your cheeks. “You’re a murderer. A disgusting monster. I hate you.” Your words are venomous and acidic, and Steve almost flinches at them, shaking his head.

“That’s not true, (Y/n). I love you.”

You laugh, the sound manic and for a moment Steve’s concerned.

“This isn’t love, Steve, this is obsession! It’s unhealthy! You’ve got me trapped here against my will! Y-You’ve hurt me and raped me and now I’m supposed to pretend everything’s okay? I’m supposed to play the good little housewife while you go around kidnapping and killing women? Killing other people’s children?! No!”

You stand up and try to move past him but he grabs hold of your forearm, rising to his feet with you.

“You’re not going anywhere.” His eyes are fiery as he glares at you, but you’re not nearly as afraid as you once were. No. You’re just angry.

You glare at him, rage burning through your body as you yank free from his grip and walk out of the room.

“You leave this house and I won’t hesitate to drag your ass right back!” He shouts.

But you don’t plan on leaving.

Oh no.

Why does he deserve his happy ending so much more than everyone else?

You turn to face him once you reach the top of the stairs, your heart in your throat at what you’re about to do. The damage it could cause.

At least it’ll get your point across.

“Why do you deserve a baby so much more than Natasha?” He furrows his brows, trying to figure out what your next move is going to be.

“I’ve given my life over and over for this stupid pathetic world. I’ve sacrificed my happiness time and time again. Do I not deserve something good?”

You take a deep breath and shrug.

“Maybe you do. But not like this.”

With that, you turn around and let yourself fall down the stairs.

Steve tries to grab you, he really does, but he’s just not fast enough.

He watches you fall, tumble down the stairs then lay still at the bottom, and for a moment all he can do is stare.

Memories fill his mind. Of you falling down the stairs. Then bleeding. So much blood. And your baby... gone.

He nearly falls down the stairs himself in his haste to get to you, two fingers pressing first to your pulse, then his hand is pressed against your belly, trying desperately to feel for the fluttering kicks you told him about.

It takes a minute, maybe two, and then he feels a small press against his hand.

He lets out a breath of relief then grabs his phone, calling the doctor.

~*~

When the doctor assures him that both you and the baby are okay, he’s relieved. But that only lasts for a moment before anger takes hold, powerful and persistent.

You can feel the anger rolling off of him when you wake up, and for a moment you’re afraid.

But hopefully, you got your point across.

He doesn’t deserve another baby. Not if that’s what he wants. He’s a terrible human being. And bringing a baby into the world with him as the father should be a crime.

“Where’s Sarah?” You ask, hoping to keep him as calm as possible.

“She’s having a sleepover with Morgan over at Tony and Pepper’s.”

You nod, your stomach dropping as you realize you’re alone in the house with him and he’s beyond pissed off.

Your mind races back to all the times he’s punished you in the past, and you almost throw up with the anxiety coursing through your veins.

“You ever do anything like that again and I swear I’ll make you regret it. I won’t kill you, no. My baby needs his mommy, but I’ll make you hurt. You’re lucky I’m not doing anything to you now.”

You swallow hard and look away from him in disgust, only for him to grab your jaw and force you to look at him.

“You need to stop acting out like this. I told you what happened to the last asset who became a liability. Fury shot her point-blank. A clean shot between her pretty eyes. Then he left her to bleed out on the bedroom floor while he fixed Nat’s memory. S’why she’s even still here and with Bucky. If she remembered what he did to that poor girl... she’d have killed him herself by now. But he needs to outlet to keep the soldier at bay. And he deserves her. Deserves some happiness in his fucked up life.”

You shake your head, disagreeing strongly with every word he’s spoken.

They're monsters. Natasha less so. A victim, like you, maybe. But the two soldiers? Monsters. Monsters who don’t deserve any happiness. They deserve nothing but a slow painful death and an eternity in the fiery pits of Hell.

“I told you, (Y/n), I didn’t mean to hurt her baby. If I’d wanted to, I’d be rubbing it in her face more. Showing off your pregnancy more. And if you think I’m gonna hurt our baby, you’re wrong. I would never hurt my babies. It kills me that you think I’d ever do something like that.”

“Can you blame me? You’ve already killed at least one baby.”

A muscle in his jaw ticks and you regret your words.

“You know what? I think you really need a reminder of your place, sweetheart. You’re mine. Maybe not my wife, yet, but soon enough. Until then, you need to know that you belong to me.”

His grip on your face is painful, but you don’t make a single sound.

No, he’s not going to win.

He doesn’t want to hurt the baby or cause unnecessary strain, so he can’t have you on your stomach like he usually would.

So he makes the most of you lying on your back.

He grabs your wrists and binds them above your head, hooking them to the ring on the headboard despite your struggles.

“Steve, no! Please! I-I... Don’t hurt me, please!”

He cocks his head to the side, watching you wriggle and strain.

“You’re mine, (Y/n). You belong to me. There’s no one in this entire world who’ll help you. You’re my property. It’s time you realized that.”

A sick smile spreads across his face as he remembers what made you obedient last time.

“You know, I think I know exactly what you need.”

He climbs off the bed and drops to his knees, rooting under it until he finds his special black box.

You wriggle away furiously, trying to break free before he can hurt you, but deep down you know it’s all for not.

You squeeze your eyes shut as he sits back down on the bed, worming his way between your thighs and flipping your dress up over your extended stomach.

“Please don't,” you whimper uselessly.

He strokes your inner thighs gently, then leans down to spit on your centre.

You flinch away, tears leaking from your eyes as you realize what he’s going to do.

“Please don’t,” you repeat, only to be silenced by him pushing something far too big inside of you.

You cry out, your back arching and sending shoots of pain up to your scalp. The added weight of your baby makes everything ten times more painful, and you can't stop yourself from sobbing as he forces every last inch of the thick dildo into your unprepared cunt.

It burns. Fire spreads from between your legs up your spine and the tears don’t stop.

“Stop! Please! I’ll be good!” He knows you won’t. Or, he just doesn't believe you. You want the pain to stop but you’re not actually willing to change your behaviour for it. Not yet. But you will.

When the dildo is finally fully inside you, he climbs off the bed and shoves the box back underneath it. He adjusts his pants then walks to the door, pausing to look at your trembling figure on the bed.

Your shoulders shake with sobs, and he feels pride swell inside of him.

Good. Now you’ll finally learn.

“You’re gonna stay here until you learn your place. I don’t care how long it takes. When you’re ready to apologize and be a good girl, then we’ll talk. But until then...” He shuts off the light and pulls the door closed behind him, leaving you alone, in pain, and in the dark.

Memories of the last time this happened stab at your brain, and you quickly start hyperventilating.

What’s worse than that, though, is the tiny voice in your head telling you to get off your back. That it’s not good for the baby if you stay like this.

But no matter how much you scream or cry for him, Steve doesn’t come to the door once.

~*~

He leaves you there for hours, or maybe days. It’s so hard to tell.

The room is soundproof, so no one can hear your cries and you can’t hear anything outside.

Even if people could hear you, it doesn’t really matter now.

You’ve been on your back for so long that you’re starting to get dizzy.

During your first pregnancy, you learned only that it’s bad for the baby to sleep on your back. You didn’t think you’d be feeling the effects of it, too.

But here you are, covered in a thin sheen of sweat, mind spinning and lungs struggling to pull in enough air to satisfy you.

It must’ve been several hours ago that Steve left if you’re feeling such strong effects of it. You’re not sure what the technical term is, but you know that you probably don’t have much time left. Your baby has even less.

Your heart aches. Each beat makes sadness bloom in your soul and you can’t stop it.

New tears fall down your cheeks, and all you want is to reach down and caress your belly, apologize to the life growing inside of you.

Apologize for hurting them, for who their father is. For the life you’re bringing them into.

Nobody deserves that.

But now... now you might not have to worry.

Every passing second sends the walls around you spinning faster and faster and faster until all you can do is let your eyes fall closed.

Sleeping will probably make it better anyway, right?

As the darkness creeps up, seeps into your limbs and chases the pain away, you pray.

You’ve never really prayed much before, but you do today.

You send a prayer to any and all Gods, the old ones and the new, and you ask for forgiveness.

You pray for the safety of your unborn child, and for that of Sarah.

A deep part of your brain knows that you may never open your eyes, and you want your daughter to know that you love her. That she means the world to you and you’ll do all that you can to protect her.

Thinking about Sarah brings a wave of strength seemingly out of nowhere, and for a moment you wonder if the Gods heard you. If this is them sending their aid.

You take a few deep breaths, building up as much strength as you can, and try your luck one last time.

“I’m sorry.”

Your voice isn’t nearly as loud as it should be, and the room is so thickly padded that there’s no way he can hear you.

Hopelessness floods your body and you fall into it.

Your sorrow distracts you from the darkness until it takes hold of you and pulls you down, away from the world of pain that you’ve been trapped in.

And you feel peace.

[huntingpeople-savingsam]

Euphoria

It’s obviously never a competition when it comes to trauma and living through horrible experiences. But there is a point where you have to take a step back and recognize the differences and how some things are just not fucking comparable.

This is not an anti post for C*ssie but I will tag it as such because it’s a criticism which some people take as hating or being an anti of the character. The only character in this situation I’m honestly truly an anti of is motherfucking N*te J*cobs.

But I’m so beyond tired of seeing people defending C*ssie’s actions because of her trauma and how N*te is a manipulative fuck but they attack, belittle, and write off Rue’s ongoing trauma and addiction. Both girls have had terrible past experiences and are currently both going through a lot, and while it’s not a competition for who has it worse because both are obviously struggling, there is an ENORMOUS difference.

Rue has been treating her friends and loved ones badly and lashing out because she is struggling with addiction and that is something that takes over every aspect of your life, that is not an exaggeration. It’s not an excuse, it’s the literal reason for how badly she’s been treating her loved ones. Of course it’s horrible to her loved ones too! But as we continue to see, Rue is remorseful and she doesn’t want to be doing this to the people around her. Opioid addiction is a horrible horrible disease that puts you through so much physical pain that you would do anything to make it stop or to push away anyone who might stop you from getting what you need. It’s horrible and I’m not saying Rue hasn’t hurt people, but this is something that has reached a point that its out of her control.

Now C*ssie is in a situation where she has a history of seeking validation and affection from men because of how terribly her father was. This was exacerbated by her becoming pregnant in S1 and fantasizing about carrying out the pregnancy but ultimately not and then not being supported by the father while she goes through something that’s difficult and painful to go through even when you know it’s the right thing to do.

But the difference here is that I know she’s in a situation where she has made herself believe that N*te was horrible to Maddy but that he actually loves her so it will be different. And she has been doing everything to be with him, cutting herself off from everyone around her. And while N*te is a manipulative fuck and she desperately needs the affection and attention he seems like he’ll give to her, it is not something she will go through literal withdrawal and potential death without.

Is it a horribly difficult and complicated situation for her? Yes! Does she deserve the love and support of those around her to get through her desperate need for love and validation? Yes! But is she still accountable for knowing that she was hurting Maddy and for throwing Rue’s addiction in her face to deflect? YES.

Both girls are struggling immensely this season and need support. But Rue doing what drug addiction forces you to do, and then showing remorse and knowing how she’s been hurting others is a lot different than C*ssie convincing herself that she’s done nothing wrong.

My hope for the end of this season is that C*ssie breaks free from this sack of shit, owns up to her part in hurting Maddy and Rue, and gets support in learning to love herself and be less dependent on male validation. And I hope that Rue is able to get clean but again, that is a constant battle for the rest of her life, it gets easier sometimes and harder other times.

But I’m tired of seeing people trash Rue and call her a dr*g add*ct in such a derogatory way. It’s a disease and it goes along with the problems she’s had with her mental health since she was a child. Writing off someone struggling with addiction is about as vile as it gets. Of course I want C*ssie to get the love and help she deserves too but I’m tired of people saying she has it so much worse than Rue because that’s just a blatant disregard or just ignorance on the horrible beast of addiction.

[rose2jam]

Why It Was Practically Inevitable That Severus Snape Would Join A Cult, an essay by Rose Jam

So, let’s talk about Cults. Disclaimer: This is just information I’ve gathered over the years from my personal fascination with religious cults.  I’m in no way an expert or a psychologist or whatever.  This is just my personal understanding from the research I’ve done.

A cult is started when a wildly charismatic Leader feels like they have a purpose, a higher calling, or a mission to be fulfilled (or they could also just be an egomaniac). Maybe they really do feel like what makes them special comes directly from a higher power, be that God, or the Heir of Slytherin, but either way, this person has a pathological need to be worshiped, and they need followers in order to do that.  

So, how does one obtain Followers easily? By finding the misunderstood misfits of society, and promising them something.  The people who feel like no one else understands them, or their ideologies.  But this Leader?  This Leader GETS IT, MAN! The Leader understands them perfectly, vindicates them, and makes them promises along the way.  Like, if they stick with the Leader, then not only will they finally be understood, but they themselves will also be revered.  That they will rise above all of the others who have put them down for so long, and will come out on top as a superior being.  

Any of this sounding familiar?

Charles Manson preyed on young people in the middle of the hippie movement, mostly women, who were feeling lost, lonely, and in need of guidance, or in terms of the men he recruited, seeking power over others.  Not all of these people were poor or helpless; some of them came from middle class, or even rich homes and families.  Yes, some of them came from broken homes, but all of them felt “broken” themselves, in some way. So Manson used their desires to have a family to draw them in.  He then used LSD and other drugs to keep them under his control, and he created a manipulative environment where the members of his “family” felt they could never leave him, and if they didn’t follow his commands, something horrible would happen to them.  I’m not going to go into full detail on the Manson Family Murders, but if you’re personally interested, check out the Podcast “Cults” on Spotify.

So back to basics, this Leader draws in Followers with flowery promises of community, power, family, or whatever.  But once the Leader has that following, the terror will begin.  Cult Leaders are usually master manipulators, and have completely brainwashed their followers into believing the “us vs them” mentality, that the outside world is evil, that the outside world will only harm them, that the outside world would never understand what they’re doing on the inside.  And that the Leader is the only one who knows the truth, so they better stick with him.  Or maybe the Leader has gaslit his followers so completely, that they become dependent on him for everything, to the point where they don’t know how they would possibly function without the Leader.  Or, the Leader has created an environment that’s so hostile, that Followers are too afraid of what might happen to them if they tried to leave, or didn’t do what the Leader commanded.  Typically, it’s a combination of all of the above.  Destructive cults will either hurt others outside of their circle (The Manson Family, Sect of Nacozari), harm themselves (Heaven’s Gate, The Ant Hill Kids), or both (The People’s Temple, Aum Sinrikyo).  

Now that I’ve laid this foundation, I’m going to tell you why it was practically inevitable that Severus Snape would join a cult.

Snape’s childhood ultimately laid the foundation for the mental state he would be in when he decided to join the Death Eaters.  He grew up in an abusive household, where his father, the muggle, had his magical wife so thoroughly whipped, that she couldn’t (or chose not to) use magic to defend herself, or her son (1).  Eileen had obviously told Severus about magic, about Hogwarts, about what a wonderful place it was, and what a wonderful gift magic could be.  Severus also watched as Tobias beat the magic out of her.  (I know it’s debated whether Tobias actually physically abused his family, but he certainly verbally/mentally/emotionally abused them, so the term “beat” could be used figuratively as well).  I don’t think it’s unreasonable to believe that Severus developed an extreme hatred of muggles with “burn the witch” mentalities from a very young age because of this.

Enter Lily, perhaps the only other magical person in his life besides his mother up to this point. He sees her using magic out in the open, perhaps recklessly, for fun, and he sees an opportunity to make a friend (and, admittedly, to be smarter than someone about something for a while). He was so eager to tell her all about magic, because getting to learn magic, and go to Hogwarts, has possibly been the only thing keeping him going in his young life.  And now he’s made a friend, a real friend who doesn’t think he’s weird because he’s magical.  Unlike Petunia, yet another muggle who makes fun of him for being weird (2). And Lily actually seems to like him back.  For a kid who probably hasn’t received a lot of affection in his life, this is monumental.  This friendship is everything.  Why wouldn’t he love her?

So the time finally comes to go to Hogwarts.  Severus gets to escape his abusive household, and finally has an opportunity to embrace magic for the first time in his life.  But almost immediately, he’s met with a hic-up.  Specifically, James Potter and Sirius Black.  So Severus is no longer facing abuse exclusively from muggles who think he’s weird, but now he’s also getting it from other magical people who think he’s weird (3).  And this started on the fucking TRAIN before he even GOT to Hogwarts. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t sour a kids dream right off the fucking bat.  And then, when he finally gets there, he’s separated from his only friend, by being sorted into different houses (4).  What a way for a life-long dream to be thoroughly dashed in less than 24 hours.

Let’s look at Snape’s Hogwarts experience.  He’s a good student, and he pours himself into learning as much magic as possible, and at being the best he can possibly be, probably motivated by a desire to be better than what his Father thinks possible.  During this time, he is regularly bullied and abused by the Marauders. Sometime before his 5th year, the Incident at the Shrieking Shack took place.  It definitely sucks to have been so thoroughly fucking duped, and put into a life-threatening situation involving a goddamn werewolf (5).  But perhaps even worse than that, the salt in the wound, was that no one fucking did anything about it (6).  He saw Sirius and James and Remus get out of that situation without facing any sort of proper punishment (as in, they all still stayed at the school as opposed to being expelled like they DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE BEEN (At least Sirius should have been)). Dumbledore was looking out for the Marauders, but no one was looking out for Severus.  On top of that, Severus isn’t allowed to TELL anyone about it, not even Lily.  So, he goes through what was possibly one of the most traumatic experiences of his life, and he can’t even tell anyone that it happened.

So, what sort of support system does Severus have during all this?  He has Lily, sure (who literally told him he should be GRATEFUL to James, one of his abusers).  But, what he really has, is Slytherin House (7). I’ll say it plainly: Severus was sorted into a house that was already full of existing cult members.  McGonagall says in Sorcerer’s Stone that “Your house will be like your family” (she at least says it in the movies, I’m too lazy to get up and reference my books rn lol).  So, Severus’ family, his support system, for 10 months out of every year, is a house that is already full to the brim with pureblood elitists with prejudiced ideals, who would absolutely vindicate Severus in his dislike for muggles.  As a kid first getting sorted into the house, it’s obviously not unreasonable to become friends with the people you’re literally living with.  His dorm mates became his family.  So, when his dorm mates started to become Death Eaters… This is headcanon, I fully admit, but like, fuck, Severus didn’t have a lot of friends, and was probably already drifting apart from Lily.  Do you really think he was going to tell the people he had to live with every single day, not to mention the only people that had been supporting him for years, to go fuck themselves for using Dark Magic?  Especially when he was probably feeling like he was on the verge of thinking that their rhetoric made some sense?

On to Snape’s Worst Memory (8).  At this point, he’s spent 5 years in Slytherin House, with fellow students who casually throw around the M word.  He gets attacked by James and Sirius, he’s practically defenseless, and then the girl who he’d considered his closest friend for so long… has to force herself not to smile when he’s thrown upside down and exposed to everyone on the grounds.  Sure, she was trying to defend him at first, but she also fucking nearly smiled at his humiliation, his pain, his abuse.  So he hurls the one word that he knows is going to cut the deepest, that will hopefully hurt her as badly as she has hurt him. And it works.

Severus had been beaten down his entire life.  By Muggles and Magic Folk alike.  And finally, he’s betrayed by Lily, his last lifeline to the light.  He betrayed her as well, of course.  But he did try to show remorse.  And she doesn’t forgive him (9), which was her prerogative, of course.  

So.  Who does he have left?

I’ve placed little (numbers) throughout my writing here.  Each of those numbers denote the specific events that led Severus to becoming an angry young man, who hates muggles, hates (some) magic folk, and resulted in him feeling weak, helpless, and desperate.  For what?  For power, for a family, for a community.  For a world where he is no longer the weird one.  For a world where he’s respected, strong.  For the world he thought he was going to be a part of, when he arrived at Hogwarts in his first year.

And it just so happens that this is the exact world that Voldemort is (allegedly) trying to create.

Severus Snape was angry, and vulnerable, and as such, he was practically the poster child for the type of person who would be susceptible to falling for a cult.  Maybe he was recruited by his friends in Slytherin House.  Maybe he was recruited directly.  Either way, charismatic Tom Riddle came along, understood how he felt, where he was coming from, told him he deserved better, and offered him all of the things he never had in his life.  And being at rock bottom, being the lowest of the low, to Severus it must have seemed like a miracle of an opportunity, or perhaps, like the only chance he had left.

Now, let me be extremely clear; everything I’ve written is not trying to EXCUSE Severus Snape for his actions.  There is always a point where personal responsibility must come into play.  Except for children born into cults or victims of kidnapping, nearly every person who has ever joined a cult has made the personal decision to join it. I’m just trying to express how unbelievably easy it is, for a Cult Leader to find people with damaged lives and low self-worth, to suck them in with promises of a fulfilling life and grandeur, and for those people to be easily swept up and brainwashed into believing that what they are doing is right.  (Or that what they are doing is required, because the alternative is more horrifying.)  

The type of people who joined the Death Eaters are the same type of people who joined Heaven’s Gate, or The People’s Temple, or yes, The Manson Family.  Now, I’m just going to say, from my own personal point of view, I do not vilify anyone who’s ever joined a destructive cult.  On the contrary, I feel sorry for them.  Because most people who join a cult, don’t necessarily do it signing up for the… end result of what happened to them.  Some of them totally do, like Heaven’s Gate. Most of them knew that the end result was going to be the “evacuation of their earthly vessel”.  But the people who joined the Manson Family, for instance, did not initially join it KNOWING how it was going to end.  They were part of the family long before Manson even came up with Helter Skelter, and by the time the Tate-LaBianca Murders took place, they were already too far gone to go against it.

I highly recommend anyone who’s interested in a humanizing view of former cult members, to read the essay “Leslie Van Houten: A Friendship” by John Waters. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/leslie-van-houten-a-frien_b_246953

Or, at the very least, listen to this 7 minute NPR interview with John Waters about the essay https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111585116

It’s the story of how notorious film maker John Waters, became friends with former Manson Girl, Leslie Van Houten, and about how she broke away from the cult after her conviction, how she’s spent the last 51 years of her life recovering from the psychotic influence of a maniac who’d promised her the world, and how even though she was convicted to life WITH a possibility of parole, it’s never been granted to her, despite the fact that she has done literally everything possible to try and atone for her crimes.

Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart.  I’m pretty much the only person I know who feels sorry for Leslie Van Houten and other cult members who were brainwashed, abused, and manipulated into doing a lot of the horrible things they’ve done.  But there are people in the world, who have committed FAR more heinous crimes than the Manson Family murders, and who are far less repentant than Leslie, but because those crimes weren’t as notorious, they get to walk free.

Addendum: When I first posted this, I had a few people point out to me that they had always associated Voldemort and the Death Eaters with Hitler and Nazi Germany.  This is a perfectly fair point, but one that I personally don’t jive with, and the reason is simply the numbers.   There were literally millions of people in the Nazi party during WW2.   Death Eaters don’t even reach triple digits, as far as I’m aware.  As I hinted at in this essay, I consider Voldemort and the Death Eaters to be MUCH closer to Charles Manson and the Manson Family.  The Manson Family 100% had Nazi ideology, of course. "Helter Skelter” was Charles Manson’s prediction that there was going to be a massive race war; one that the Whites were going to lose, and that he and his Pure White family would emerge from it in order to rule over the remaining Blacks.  Kinda... sounds like a Death Eater thing, huh?

Sorry.  Back to Snape.  There is a lot we don’t know about Severus’ actual time as a Death Eater. I think it can be reasonably assumed he’s never actually killed anyone before Dumbledore (In Prince’s Tale, Severus questions if his soul would be safe from killing Dumbledore, and Dumbledore implies that his soul would not be damaged by helping an old man avoid pain and humiliation.  This leads me to believe that Severus never committed any soul-damaging murders before this).  Beyond being a sneaky spy and delivering the prophecy to Voldemort, his time as a Death Eater is all up for conjecture.  

Severus does make one important deviation from the typical cult member mold, however.  In the end, he manages to break away from the cult.  The scales fall from his eyes.  In a figurative sense, the LSD has worn off.  What made him sober up, was the threat to his last lifeline to the light. The one good fucking thing he’d ever had in his miserable life.  He was brought back by genuine love.  Ya know, the ENTIRE MESSAGE OF THE HP SERIES. And not only did he leave the cult, but he then spent the rest of his life actively attempting to destroy it, and atone for the mistakes he’s made, in an effort to bring back the world he’d been excited for, as an 11-year-old kid, so full of hope.

[diaphragmjellyfish]

You Just Wait

gif is from @twilightofficial​

A/N: The hardest part of writing a fic is honestly choosing the love interest XD I have so many fictional boyfriends it’s hard to choose just one. I have noticed a significant lack of Jared Cameron content and he’s super adorable so here it is! Also, I left the concept a little bit more vague so more people can relate to it. It doesn’t specifically say vaginismus, it’s more of a general “sex doesn’t normally go well for me” type thing. 

Bottomless, covered in chocolate sauce, walking through the woods, phone dead, in the middle of August on a weekday. How did you end up here? Jared Cameron. Your boyfriend. He had roped you in to an elaborate prank on Paul that hadn’t exactly gone as planned. Needless to say, you were desperate for a shower and a nap. A hot meal wouldn’t hurt. And you were beyond irritated, not even looking Jared’s way as he walked next to you in a similar state. 

“Babe, if you let me carry you, we’ll get home way faster,” he whined.

You didn’t respond, only walking with more frustration around the roots and fallen trees. It was growing dark, just about twilight, and you knew you wouldn’t be reaching either of your houses at this rate. You were miles into the forest. But your pride kept you from accepting Jared’s wolfy-back ride, because he tended to make lots of jokes about being between your legs and you riding him and blah blah blah, and you honestly might punch him right now if he did that. 

So you just kept ignoring him, arms folded tightly against your chest because, yes, it was August, but this was also the Washington coast. It got pretty chilly no matter what time of year it was. 

“I can see you shivering from here,” he pleaded, almost sounding in pain at the thought of you being uncomfortable. “It’s only gonna get colder. Let me help you.”

You ignored him. 

“C’mooonnnnnn,” he cried. His preferred way of cracking your silence was usually by annoying you out of it, and it was working. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon c’m-”

“Jared, I swear to God!” 

“Aha! She speaks!” he laughed. 

“”Only to tell you to be quiet, or I’ll-”

“Or you’ll what?” he cut you off. “I’m way stronger than you!” He was teasing you into talking to him. Even if it was in the form of arguing. Damn, he always got you to crack. You stopped walking, turning to face him, arms still held tightly around yourself. You couldn’t resist a good bicker, and Jared knew that. He would get the sass to come out, and then once you got tired, he’d apologize and you’d be made up within half an hour. That’s what always happened. And you couldn’t exactly stay mad at those big brown puppy eyes for long. 

“Physically, maybe,” you chided, “but I’m definitely way smarter than you.”

He stepped closer to you, a playful smirk on his face. “What, are you gonna read me to death or something?”

“I’m gonna strategize a huge plan, manipulate you, and leave you here in the forest by yourself. That’s what I’m gonna do,” you sassed. He never took arguments to heart, which is one thing you loved about him. He knew how grumpy you could get and would let you vent, and then make you forget all about the problem. 

“Oh, okay, yeah sure,” he giggled, hands going up in defense. “I’m just saying that in this situation, there is no way you come out on top. You run, I catch you. You hide, I sniff you out,” he teased. This made you crack an almost imperceptible smile, but one he noticed nonetheless. “And if you did somehow manage to get away from me, you’d freeze to death in an hour flat.” The cold breeze that caused you to shiver more violently could not have had worse timing. Obviously, Jared noticed, and his face dropped. He approached you slowly, silently asking if you were still mad enough to not let him touch you. When you didn’t step back or stop him, he wrapped both his arms around you and brought you into a huge bear hug. You sighed at his warmth, wrapping your arms tightly around his torso. He’d given you his hoodie hours ago, and was left in only a pair of shorts, though he didn’t seem to notice. Damn him and his werewolf heat. 

You still shivered in his arms, but his feverish temperature was a relief to your aching bones. 

“See? Could’ve been warm hours ago,” he teased once again, noting your clinginess. 

“Shut up. I’m still mad,” you mumbled into his neck. He laughed softly to himself, rubbing his hands up and down your body to create more heat. After a few minutes, you were starting to struggle to keep your eyes open. It had to be close to 2 in the morning, and you’d been walking for what felt like hours. Jared could have easily run home and let you brood alone, but he stuck with you no matter how long you went without speaking to him. 

“Sleepy?” he murmured into your hair. You just nodded softly, and didn’t protest as he bent down, one hand going behind your knees and the other staying around your back. He picked you up with ease and started walking through the woods once more with an “Okay Princess, I got you.” His stride never faltered, easily avoiding tripping over roots or slipping on rain-soaked moss. He must have been walking for about 30 minutes, never so much as breathing hard or shifting you in his grip. You didn’t sleep, but welcomed the rest he allowed you. Your eyes were closed, head resting on his shoulder when you felt him stop. You looked up, and in the distance, maybe 50 yards away, you saw a small building. 

“Hunter’s cabin, I’m guessing. No one’s home,” Jared stated, anticipating your questions. 

“Think there’ll be blankets?” you wondered, tired, yet still playful. 

“What, am I not enough for you?” he feigned mock hurt as you giggled at his unshakeable good attitude. Without another word, he began walking towards the small cabin, which was about the size of an average bedroom. When you reached the door, he set you down gently, holding his hands close to your waist while you found your footing, and then wrapping an arm over your shoulders to keep you warm. 

“I’m assuming it’s locked,” you sighed, disappointed. 

“Babe, no door is locked when you have super strength. Honestly, I thought you’d have more faith in me by now,” he smiled brightly. 

“You can’t just go around kicking random people’s doors in!” you scolded. 

“Okay, first of all, I can tell by the smell that no one’s been here in years. Second of all, how would anyone know it was us that broke in and not, like, a deer? And third of all, I’d say this counts as an emergency,” he sassed right back at you. You looked at him in annoyance, too tired and cold to actually care. 

After a long sigh, you muttered “fine.” 

He immediately turned to the door, not letting you so much as inhale before he slammed his foot into the space next to the knob, the door all but flying off its hinges. The whole scene caused deafening noise that interrupted the silence of the trees. 

“Jesus!” you called out in surprise, a hand shooting up to your pounding heart. You look around, though knowing no one was around for miles. Jared only turned to look at you, a cheeky smile adorning his face, and said,

“See? Told ya.” 

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t help the loving and admiring energy that overcame you. Jared really was one in a million, and you were lucky to be by his side. He could be in the worst situation in the world and still find something to laugh about. 

He motioned for you to go in first, ever the gentleman. Walking through the door, the first thing you noticed was the dust. The entire inside of the cabin was covered in a thick layer of it. There was a small, rickety couch with cushions so worn they had holes in them throughout. And the fabric… my God. It looked like something from the 60’s, an obnoxious floral that had faded over time, and now just looked flat out stained. There was a flimsy throw blanket over the back of the couch, a cooler in the corner of the room that was covered in dirt, and on the opposite wall, a fireplace! No wood, no matches, but it was there. The floor was scattered with bullet shells, receipts, and decayed leaves. It was obvious no one had been in here for at least 3 or 4 years. 

“Okay, I can work with this,” Jared said. You really were jealous of his optimism. But, as disgusting as this place was, it beat the frigid breeze of outside, and had a place where you could rest your heads. You walked over to the couch, grabbing the blanket and beating the dust off of it. It was really only meant for one person, but you guys were okay with getting close. It would do. 

Jared walked over to the opposite corner where the cooler sat by the fireplace and opened the lid, peeking inside. 

“Just water,” he said, sounding almost disappointed. 

“Were you really gonna eat whatever was in there?” you spoke incredulously. 

“Babe, I’m starving. You have no idea how close I am to licking that chocolate sauce off of you,” he voiced. You had almost forgotten about the sticky sauce that covered both of your clothes. That prank really was a disaster. You looked down, face heating at the thought of Jared’s mouth on you like that, and turned to the fireplace where he stood. He was looking on the mantle, oblivious to the effect his comment had on you, and exclaimed “Aha!” before reaching up to grab something. “A lighter. We’re saved! Well, you are,” he laughed looking over at your shivering form once more. “Stay here and get comfy. I’m gonna go get some wood.” 

You tried your best, sitting on the edge of the couch and immediately feeling a spring poking you in the butt. The couch really was tiny. You guys were gonna have to bundle up close to fit. The thought excited you. Sure, you and Jared had always been comfortable touching and holding each other, but there were certain areas of your relationship you had yet to explore. More… intimate areas. It was your fault mostly. To make a long story short, you’ve just never enjoyed sex. You found yourself not able to get aroused, which made things painful. Sure, you wanted to. You’d thought about it a ton. But in the moment, your head was so full of thoughts of ‘What if he thinks I’m ugly? What if I smell? Am I doing this right? Is he having a good time? Am I taking too long?’ that you just stopped trying. And obviously you wanted to have sex with Jared, but you were worried he’d be disappointed. By the time he got back, just a few minutes later, you had brought your knees up to your chest, holding your legs close in an effort to preserve warmth. 

“Doing okay Sweetheart?” he asked gently. You gave a small smile and nodded in response. He plopped the logs in his arms down into the fireplace, scavenging the floor for receipts, dried leaves, anything that would catch fire. He dumped these into the fireplace and lit them, the fire catching within seconds. He walked over to the other side of the room where the couch was before bending down, grabbing the bottom lip of it, and pulling it (and you) across the floor, one-handed, and closer to the fire. “Better?” You had always been in awe of his strength. Let’s be honest, it was just plain sexy. Again, you just nodded your head, staring at him in adoration. 

He sat beside you on the couch, throwing an arm over your shoulders again, and leaning back, taking you with him. You cuddled into his side, watching the fire. 

“Ya know, if you take away the shitty couch and sticky clothes and add a few more blankets, this would actually be pretty nice,” he finally spoke. 

You laughed softly, replying, “It would. The couch isn’t even awful, but these clothes are really ruining the mood for me.” 

“Well why don’t you get out of ‘em, hot stuff?” he joked. You knew he wasn’t serious because you guys haven’t gotten that far yet, but something, maybe the exhaustion or the way he kept challenging you today, made you want to actually do it. Before you could lose your nerve, you reached down, pulling off the hoodie and shirt in one go and tossing them onto the floor. You relaxed back into his arms in just a bra, acting like nothing had happened. He was frozen beside you. Maybe it was mean, but you wanted to tease him a little. He’d put you through a lot today, so you wanted to mess with him a tiny bit. So, coolly, you brought a hand onto his thigh and began running it up and down, going higher and higher with each pass. He was still frozen, so you gave a light squeeze, and heard him inhale sharply, though he tried to hide it. 

“I thought you were tired,” he commented.

“Guess I’m not anymore,” you responded, turning to face him boldly. He immediately leaned in to kiss you, softly as always. You reciprocated, bringing your other hand up to cup his face. His arm that was around your shoulders slipped down around your waist, pulling you in further. Jared had always been gentle when kissing you, so you knew you’d have to make the first move to deepen it. Which is exactly what you did. Running your hand up his head and grabbing his hair, you pulled him towards you even more and traced your tongue across his bottom lip. He responded by matching your energy, tongue slipping out to caress yours before bringing your bottom lip between his teeth and nibbling softly. You guys had never kissed like this before. You felt a bead of warmth pool in your abdomen, something you’d never felt with a guy before. Sure, you’d been turned on while watching certain videos or reading certain fanfiction by yourself, but you’d never actually experienced it with someone before. It was exciting. Maybe it was the knowledge that you could stop things at any time and he wouldn’t be upset, or maybe it was how in love with you he really was, but you didn’t feel nervous or worried. You felt comfortable. 

Taking things a step further, you swung your leg over both of his, moving to straddle his lap. 

He pulled away slightly at this, making you ask, “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong,” he responded, “I just don’t wanna make you do anything you don’t wanna do.”

You smiled, “I’m not doing anything I don’t wanna do. Are you?” 

“Are you seriously asking me that question right now?” He laughed, making you giggle along. 

You leaned back in for another kiss, when he stopped you again. “What exactly… are we doing, though?” You knew what he was silently asking. Are we about to go all the way? And you didn’t know yet. This had started out as playful teasing, but now you were beginning to think that maybe you did want to try something. With Jared. He was it for you, the one you wanted to spend forever with. If you couldn’t trust him, you couldn’t trust anyone. And he’d taken such good care of you these last few hours, keeping you warm, making sure you were storming off in the right direction, that you knew he’d appreciate you in a more intimate sense. 

“I- I kind of would like to try… some stuff,” you answered. 

He looked at you, eyes wide, before answering, “What kind of stuff? I mean, I will do literally anything you ask me to do and you know that, but I didn’t really prepare for this. Like, I don’t… have what we need.” Oh, a condom. What a responsible boy. 

“I’m on the pill,” you replied a little too quickly before looking down and fiddling with your hands. “If you want to.” 

“Y/N, I would be absolutely fucking honored,” he breathed, before cupping your face and pulling you into the most heated kiss yet. Your tongues danced, hands wandering. Yours, across his muscled chest and abdomen, and his, down your waist and around to cup your pantsless ass, squeezing firmly. It felt nice. He handled you in a way that was gentle and painless, but still dominant and firm. And it made the heat in your belly grow. You continued kissing for several minutes, your hands moving up his neck and eventually landing in his hair once more, and his remaining on your ass and waist. You softly sucked at his lower lip, nibbling slightly, and it made him let out a low growl and pull your hips forward onto his, where you felt something hard push against you. You knew what it was, and it didn’t scare you like it normally would. You did, however, feel your damp underwear. Shit, that’s never happened before. You were normally bone dry at this point. You let out a soft sigh, grinding your hips onto him once more. 

He softened his kisses slightly, bringing a hand around to your stomach and running his knuckles lightly across your lower abdomen. 

“Can I?” He questioned delicately. 

“Yes,” you replied almost immediately. He brought his hand under the waistband of your underwear, when you said, “Wait,” and he stopped. “Just one thing. I kind of… have never been able to do this without it hurting a lot, so maybe you could just try to be gentle?” 

“Oh, baby, you’ve been in pain before? I’m so sorry,” he whispered genuinely. 

“It’s okay, I just…” It was now or never. He should know. “Normally I’m super nervous about everything, so I can’t really… get into it, and when girls aren’t into it it’s kind of… dry? And that makes it kind of hurt really bad.” You faded out at the end, feeling embarrassed. He brought his hand out of your underwear and up to your chin, tilting your face up to look him in the eye, looking concerned. “But I’m into this, I mean, right now. I’m excited. I just thought I should warn you,” you awkwardly laughed at the end. 

“You promise? Because you know that if you want to stop we will, and I would never be upset or pressure or anything like that,” he spoke sweetly, making your heart flutter. And you did know that, which is why you felt comfortable. Every other time, you felt that if you went past a certain point, you couldn’t say stop. Couldn’t call it off without making whatever guy you were with super mad and then… who knows what would happen. But when Jared spoke those words, you believed him. 

“I promise. And I know you’ll stop. But I don’t want you to.” 

With this, he scanned your face one more time for any signs of hesitation, and when he found none, brought you down into another heated kiss. You felt his hand trail from your chin down to your breasts, skimming over your bra, down your stomach and once again to the waistband of your underwear. Only this time he didn’t go under. He stayed on top of the fabric and brought his hand down between your legs, index finger brushing lightly against your core. You barely felt it, and began to worry that you’d once again feel numb. Oftentimes, when guys would touch you or go down on you, you felt nothing. It was like you were broken or something. And you started to become concerned that tonight would be no different. 

But he brought his finger down again, repeating the same movement, only with significantly more pressure this time, and it had you release an involuntary sigh. And instead of removing his finger like he had the first time, he kept it over your clit, drawing firm circles. 

Your mouth dropped open in a silent moan, Jared staring intently at your face. 

“Oh, wow,” you finally breathed. 

“Good?” he asked cockily, wearing a large smirk. He repeated the movement again, drawing a line from your core to your clit, stopping to rub circles. 

“Mmm hmm,” you sighed. He leaned in once more to meet you with the sloppiest, dirtiest kiss you two had shared yet, and it only made you grind your center into his hand. He repeated the action several times over, and you were a writhing mess in minutes. 

He brought a finger under your waistband once more, stretching the elastic out before letting it snap lightly against your skin. “Let’s take these off, hmm?” You’d never stood up so fast in your life, practically ripping the panties off of you, taking your bra off with it. Jared stood up to remove his shorts, but stopped to stare. 

“What?” you questioned shyly, moving to cover up.

“You’re literally the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” 

The boy quite literally had heart eyes for you. 

“Oh,” you responded meekly, cheeks heating up. When you kept looking back at him, he seemed to snap back into the moment and hurriedly ripped off his shorts and underwear, sitting back on the couch and opening his arms for you. You moved to straddle his hips the same way as before, and he brought his arms around to embrace you as you shared another heated kiss. One of his hands moved up to cup your breast, thumb rolling over your nipple as if you were made of glass. Jared pulled his mouth off of yours and trailed his lips down the side of your face, to your jaw, and down onto your neck, suckling lightly and leaving wet kisses. You tilted your head to the side to give him better access, and brought one of your hands down between you two to grasp him. He shuddered, only grabbing your hips and bringing you impossibly closer. His other hand trailed down to your center once more, going straight to your core and gathering the slight wetness there before bringing his finger up to your clit and circling. With your underwear out of the way, you felt almost lightheaded at his touch. You never knew how girls could cum during sex before, because you never seemed to feel much at all unless it was pain, but with how aroused you were right now and Jared’s movements, you thought for the first time that you may actually be able to finish. People do say that 90% of sex is mental, and you guessed this is what they meant. The more into it you are, the more physical sensation you actually feel. Groundbreaking. 

“Can I finger you?” he murmured huskily into your neck. 

You tensed slightly at this, but trusted him. If you said stop, he would. “Ok, just go slow.”

“Of course,” he responded before placing a sweet kiss on your shoulder and bringing his index finger back to your core, swirling around the entrance a few times. You took a few deep breaths to relax your muscles, and he looked at you, wordlessly asking, Ready? You nodded, and he slipped his finger in, just to the first knuckle, and held it still while he brought his thumb to your clit and continued rubbing. When he noticed you visibly relax, he slipped his finger in further to the second knuckle, stopping for a few seconds, and then all the way. He kept it here again, giving you time to adjust or tell him to stop, all the while keeping you stimulated with his thumb. It felt really good. Well, you didn’t exactly feel his finger at all, which was better than pain, and his thumb was making you crazy. Your breathing was labored at this point, eyebrows furrowed as you held onto his shoulders, nails digging in and sure to leave scratches. He pressed the finger inside of you onto your front wall suddenly, massaging the ridges firmly, and you let out a moan. Your first real moan ever. And damn did it get Jared excited. He continued this motion again and again, building in intensity and pressure slowly. When he felt how wet you had become, he pulled his finger back out to the first knuckle, and added his middle finger next to it, sliding them both back in slowly so as not to hurt you. Your eyes widened at the stretch, but it didn’t hurt. It felt amazing. 

“Oh, fuck,” you whispered to yourself, before moaning once more as his fingers began the ‘come-hither’ motion once more. 

“Am I hurting you?” he asked, concerned at your cursing. 

“No, feels so good,” you moaned, and he smiled at this, increasing the pressure even more. Your eyes screwed shut, hips stuttering over his hand, letting him finger fuck you for several more minutes as you began to feel a tightening in your stomach. He brought his thumb off of your clit finally, adjusting his hand for a better angle and bringing his other hand off of your waist and up to his mouth, licking his thumb and bringing that down to your clit, resuming the tight circles. You could hear how wet you were, feeling too good to be embarrassed. The heat in your stomach was building, spreading. You felt your legs begin to shake, muscles begin to tighten around his fingers, and your eyes screwed shut as you opened your mouth in a silent scream and came. The waves of pleasure washed over you for a long time, Jared slowing his movements down so as not to overstimulate you. When you finally opened your eyes again, you were panting, legs feeling like Jello. Jared was staring at you with a look of absolute awe on his face, mouth agape and dick rock hard, red, and leaking precum. He was more turned on than he had ever been from actual sex before, and it was only from watching you. 

“Fuck, baby that was so hot,” he all but moaned. 

You reached down to grasp him, panting a “your turn.” 

He grabbed both your wrists, stopping you. “Nuh uh, this is about you. Lie the fuck down.”

You gasped, his dominant tone turning you on despite your recent climax. You both knew that if you were even slightly uncomfortable, things would stop immediately. But it was fun for both of you to let him be a little aggressive. You did as told, lying long ways across the couch cushions, Jared moving to kneel between your legs, moving your knees softly apart so he could look at all of you. You didn’t feel insecure being exposed like this. You felt excited. 

“Are you absolutely sure you wanna do this?” he questioned. 

“I have never been more sure, Jared baby, I want to,” you pleaded. This was enough for him, so he brought his dick down to line up with your entrance, rubbing the tip up and down a few times to collect your wetness. He was worried that there wouldn’t be enough lubricant, so he brought a hand up to his mouth and spit, rubbing the saliva on his cock. 

“You just wait ‘til we get some real lube and a real fucking bed, Princess. You won’t be able to walk for days.” You shuddered at the thought of this, and of the sensation of his dick rubbing around your clit and back down to your entrance. He pushed in slightly, letting the tip in before pausing and checking your face for any signs of pain. When he found none, he pushed in slightly more, and more. He was being extremely slow, and you appreciated it. Guys normally would just shove themselves inside, not giving you any time to adjust before pounding away. But Jared was careful, despite how turned on you knew he was. He still had your best interest in mind. Within a couple of minutes, he was fully seated inside of you, staying still until you told him to move. He brought his face down to give you a sweet kiss, waiting for you to give him the signal. 

After a few seconds, you didn’t feel any sort of stinging or pain, so you nodded, saying “Just start slow.” 

“Of course,” he replied genuinely. He pulled his hips back just a few inches, before slowly grinding them back into yours. You closed your eyes, focusing on keeping your muscles loose and relaxed as he continues this movement a few more times. The next time he pushed in, he ground his hips further into yours, hitting the deepest parts of you. This had you release a gasp, eyes opening to meet his. “Okay?” he questioned. 

“Yes.” 

He did this several more times, letting you get used to the feeling of him being so deep inside of you, before your hips began to grind back into his. It felt really good. When he noticed this, he began pulling his hips back more, pushing back in slightly faster, and this had you moaning. You threw your head back, back arched, just enjoying the sensations. Your hands were grasping at his shoulders, definitely leaving scratch marks. 

“Oh my God,” you whispered. 

“You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he responded, planting sloppy kisses to your neck and collar bone. “Baby, I’m not gonna last much longer.” 

You smiled at this, glad he was enjoying it as much as you were. “Go ahead, cum for me,” you spoke, and your words had him right on the edge. He pulled out of you quickly, hand fisting his cock as he stared at your sweaty, writhing body below him. He came hard, spilling onto your stomach as he growled out, the sound making your toes curl, almost animalistic. You both remained in this position as you came down, breaths labored and eyes barely open. He stood up fully off of the couch and reached for the flimsy blanket on the floor, using it to wipe off your stomach. He threw it into the corner of the room and lay down next to you on the couch, gathering you up into his arms to cuddle. 

“Did you have a good time?” he asked almost nervously after a few minutes. 

“Nah, kinda sucked,” you teased, and he let out a playful laugh, lightly shoving you away before pulling you back and planting a kiss on your temple. 

A pause. “For real though,” he prodded, beginning to panic slightly. 

You burst out laughing. “Of course I had a good time, Jared. Best i’ve ever had, if I’m being honest.” 

“Ok good,” he sighed, relieved but trying not to show that you actually had him nervous for a second. 

Another pause. “Did… did you have a good time?” you questioned back at him. 

He seemed almost offended at the question, bringing a hand up to cup your face so that your eyes met his. “Y/N, this was the best night of my entire life. That was perfect. You are perfect. And I’m glad you trusted me enough to do that with you.” 

You felt your eyes sting slightly, emotions running wild. You considered yourself the luckiest girl in the world to be with Jared Cameron. Not only was he totally gorgeous, but kind, hilarious, and great in bed. 

In an effort to switch the tone back to a more playful one, you replied, “Yeah, well I was promised some more fun involving real lube and a real bed so…” 

He tugged you further into him, wrapping his arms around you in a way that made you think he might never let go. He laughed, and said “Oh, you just wait.”