#but not really I love her but for anyone who takes this as hate and has that tag hidden

[unequivocallyreid]

Why Didn’t You Tell Me?

it has been SO long... i was suffering from serious writers block but it think i'm finally out of it :)

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

summary: Spencer Reid used to be your best friend, but things changed. How long can you pretend that you don't love him before it ruins you?

warnings: angst! (with a happy ending), smut (unprotected piv), character loss, mention of Maeve, very sad Spencer, mental health struggles, light choking, fighting, slight praise kink

wc: 8.8k 🤗

i’m very proud of this one! i hope you love it!

Every morning when you wake up, you feel a familiar and creeping sort of dread in the pit of your stomach.

Don’t get the wrong idea; you love your job. You love helping people and stopping horrible people from ruining any more lives, but the creeping feeling and desire to get out is always in the corner of your mind. Anyone working in this field would tell you that. There’s no absolute separation between you and the victims and their families. You take all of them home with you, and you just have to learn how to deal with that and not let it eat at you.

It doesn’t help that it’s an isolating job as well. The last time you were in a serious relationship was in college. Now, every date you have ends in disappointment. Not only do you lack interest in most of the men and women, but it couldn’t go anywhere even if you did. 75% of your time is spent in the office, on a jet, or hundreds of miles away from your home.

All of this contributes to the feeling, but the worst part of your job is Dr. Spencer Reid.

He’s secretive and dismissive and just about the most attractive person you’d ever seen. You honestly don’t know what is worse: his constant physical presence in your life or the fact that you can’t stop thinking about him no matter what you do. You’ve tried to get over it; you’ve buried yourself in work, lamented to your friends, and gone out on dates (all with guys that looked vaguely similar), but nothing has worked. All his worst traits grate your nerves and light you up at the same time.

The worst part of it all is that it wasn’t always like this. When you first joined the BAU nearly two years ago, you and Spencer got along well. You were friends, he talked to you about his life, he understood you, and you really severely fell for him. He became your best friend.

Everything changed around six months ago. Spencer started to develop migraines, and as those developed, he started distancing himself from you. He became snippy and closed off, he started hiding things from you, and he stopped talking to you about life outside of Quantico. It was like overnight, you became nothing to him, and you really didn’t understand. Everyone else on the team got the same old Spencer, but you went from his right-hand man to someone he only spoke to when it was necessary.

Maybe he didn’t deserve to be vilified. You know, realistically, he can and should be able to decide who he wants to be close to, but working with a man who unknowingly broke your heart was close to the hardest thing you’d ever done. So, you decided hating him was easier. The real emotions you feel toward him sit somewhere inside you, but they have been covered by manufactured distaste. Addressing the actual feeling would hurt too bad, so you pretend to hate the things you used to love.

Nothing, however, could have prepared you for the last case you worked on: helping Spencer save a girl he met about six months ago, a girl he loved. You tried to stay collected, you said nothing when Spencer assisted when he shouldn’t have, and goddamn, did you do everything in your power to find that girl. Maeve. She was perfect for Spencer, and you saw that immediately. Everyone did. The sight of him sobbing in front of her body is one that will never leave your mind.

Now, two weeks later, no one has heard from Reid. The only indication that he hasn’t abandoned his life altogether is the absence of the gift baskets on his doorstep that Pen leaves daily.

Nearly everyone has been to his apartment, but they are met with a closed door and have yet to receive a response. Everyone but you.

Penelope is the first to bring up your lack of appearance at the end of a long day of paperwork.

“Y/n, please, you just have to try. No one is getting anything from him.”

“I really don’t think my presence would do any good,” you pause for a moment, trying to collect the thoughts running through your head like a freight train. “Me and him haven’t been close in a long time, Pen.”

Before you can continue, she cuts in, “Everyone has tried, Y/n. Hell, I’ve even considered tracking down Gideon, and I really, really do not want to do that.”

She pauses for a moment before looking up at you with a pout on her face, “Please, Y/n, for me. I can’t bear the thought of him in there all alone, just wasting away in grief.”

For someone who claims not to be a profiler, Penelope knew exactly what to say to get you to agree. She’s the only person in your life who you told about how you felt, though you’re sure everyone else (aside from Spencer) knew: you’re shit at keeping secrets.

“Okay, okay, I’ll try.”

She nearly bursts with excitement, “Thank God-“

You cut her off before she can finish, “But I’m telling you, I’m not the person he wants to hear from right now. Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Yes, yes. I just want him to know we all want him to be okay.”

Before you can hurry out of the office to follow Pen’s instructions, she stops you and hands you a basket full of assorted snacks and fruits.

“Make sure he eats!”

The walk up to Spencer’s apartment is a hard one to take. The smell of his building hits you as soon as you step into the lobby. From there, everything rushes back at once. Memories of nights you spent watching reruns of Doctor Who or listening to him prattle off about whatever he last read assault you with every step. As you slowly make your way up, you start to question why you agreed to do this in the first place.

You feel a lot toward Reid. More than you should and less than you could. But all that care and feelings that are so close to love aren’t enough to make you forget why you’ve been trying to hate him for so long. He deserted you without an explanation and cut you off without a warning. You spent weeks (three months) crying over him like a love-struck teen. So, as much as you want to hold him and comfort him, you know it’ll hurt you to do so. Penelope sent you, with the whole team’s approval, you’re sure, to try to patch up a broken heart he got loving someone else. There’s a sickness in your gut, but it’s not enough to stop you from rapping your knuckles against his door.

“Spencer? It’s Y/n.”

There’s no response.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now, but I want to make sure you’re alright. Can you tell me you’re alright?”

Again, nothing.

You know he’s there. Despite your lack of communication, you know Spencer well enough to know that he would never leave his life behind entirely. That being said, your next few attempts at garnering a response are unsuccessful.

You decide to try one final time before just leaving the basket alone on his doorstep and texting Pen it was a bust.

“There’s a lot I don’t know about you now, and I won’t pretend to know what you’re feeling.”

You don’t exactly know where this is headed, but you continue on regardless.

“I know you’re in there, and I know you can hear me, and I know you’re hurting. You shouldn’t- I don’t want you to be alone right now, Spence. You can either unlock your door, or I can pick it, but I’m coming in one way or the other. You know I will.”

You wouldn’t, actually. It’s a last-ditch effort, and it’s met with the same silence you’ve heard on the other side for the past ten minutes. You’re about to turn to head back down the stairs when you hear the very faint sound of a deadbolt turning.

There’s no other sound or movement, and for a moment, you think you might’ve imagined the sound, but you try the handle anyway. It turns, and the door slides open. You take a step in.

“Spencer,” you call out to him.

You don’t see him at first in the mess of his apartment, but when you do, you feel a crack form in your heart.

Beyond the clutter of his entryway, you see his back on the couch. His frame looks smaller than you’ve ever seen it, and you can see his legs curled into his chest. You set down the gift basket by a collection of others on the entry table and walk over to him. Slowly, like you’re trying not to spook a lost dog, you creep in front of him.

His head is down, and his gaze stays trained on his knees.

You reach out your hand and lay it over his. He flinches but doesn’t pull away.

“Spence, I’m so glad you opened the door.”

You didn’t plan out what you would say, but ‘sorry’ feels redundant and useless.

You go on, “I’m here. I- I don’t know what to do or say, and I’m sorry that I don’t. I can get someone else for you. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.”

You wait for him to say he wants Penelope or JJ, but it doesn’t come. Nothing comes. You start to move to get up, figuring you could clean up a bit and try to make him something to eat, then go, but he grasps your arm before you can.

He looks up at you, and his eyes hit you right in the gut. They’re bloodshot and sunken but still beautiful.

“Stay. Please. I just- I need to know I’m not dreaming. I keep thinking I’m dreaming.”

His voice is croaky from disuse and breaks at the end, but it’s so heartbreakingly earnest that you feel your breath catch. You move from your crouch and sit beside him on the couch; your hand is still in his.

You stay like that for a long time. His breathing is shakey and uneven, and every so often, his body shakes with what you can only assume are sobs. You stay pressed to his side the whole time, thumb rubbing back and forth over his hand.

Eventually, you speak again, “I’m gonna get you some food, Spence. You should eat.”

He says nothing back, but he does loosen his grip. You push yourself up from the coach with a promise you’ll be as fast as possible.

His kitchen is nearly empty, and you hope he’s been eating from the baskets. Still, you find enough to make noodles and butter, and you figure the carbs should help his energy some.

You return with the bowl. Spencer hasn’t moved, but his head follows you as you walk back over to him.

“It’s not fine dining.”

He studied you for a second, and you catch a glimpse of the old him in his eye.

“You did the same thing when I was sick on a case a year ago.”

You smile at his recollection.

“It helped you then.”

The rest of the night is spent mostly in silence. Occasionally, you tell him something to try to remind him that you’re there and that you won’t leave as long as he wants you there. Eventually, you get up from the couch again.

“Spencer, it’s too late to still be awake.”

He nods and still says nothing, but he is far more receptive than before. You reach your hand out to him to help him up from the couch, and he takes it.

He leads you to his room at a slow pace. His head stays down as you both take a seat on his bed, hands still interlocked. Being in his bedroom is odd for you. You’ve been to his apartment quite a few times before he disappeared from your life, but you never breached this space. It’s all very him. Almost surprisingly cozy, with books scattered around nearly everywhere there’s space.

You take in the moment for a beat before saying, “I’m gonna head home, Spencer, but please call me if you need anything at all. I’ll come back tomorrow.”

This makes his head snap up, and his eyes lock with yours.

“Please stay.”

That’s all he says, but every part of him is pleading with you. It’s not a good idea, and you know it. You’re the only person he’s seen in days, you aren’t close anymore, and you don’t particularly want to sleep on a couch tonight.

“Spencer, I don’t want to sleep in your living room tonight. I’ll come back.”

He pauses for a moment, “You can stay here with me. I don’t want to be alone.”

Your heart cracks again. There was a time when this was all you wanted. It’s still, deep down, all you want, just not like this. You know he doesn’t really want you there and he’s not himself. But you aren’t strong enough to say no, so you don’t.

He gets you clothes to wear, and you change in his bathroom. You come out and find him in his bed, laying with his back to you. You have no fucking idea what you’re doing, but you get into bed next to him anyways. There are a thousand thoughts racing through your head, but the prevailing one is how badly you want to touch him, to hold him, to make him forget, just for the night. You stay still, though, confined to the edge of the bed and start to count to drown out the noise.

Though, you can’t drown out his voice, saying, “Can- Could you hold me? I think that everything feels better when you touch me.”

Another crack. By the end of this, you know Spencer Reid is going to break your heart all over again.

~

When you wake up the next morning, Spencer is still asleep. You sneak out of his room and call Hotch. When he answers, you tell him Spencer has let you in, and you ask for time off to try to help. You can tell from his voice that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but he grants you it anyway.

Much of your day is spent like the night before. You stay next to Spencer, and you cook for him after leaving to pick up clothes and groceries. Then, you get him to shower and wash his hair. He sleeps with his head in your lap, and you feel like a fucking idiot at first, but as long as it’s helping him in some way, you let it happen.

That’s the thing: you don’t really know how to help him. You know he isn’t the type to talk about something until he is entirely ready, so all you can do is add something domestic and bright to his life while he grieves. It’s all you can think about in the moments of silence. Hell, you even read to him to try and get your mind off of it, but it barely helps.

The night is the same. You change in different rooms and slip into his bed at different times. You feel dirty for imagining what it would be like if the circumstances were different: if he wanted you like you have wanted him for the past two years. You hold him against you, and you pray for sign that you should be there.

The sign comes the following morning when Derek calls you.

“Y/n…”

You can hear his teasing tone over the phone.

“Hi, Derek.”

“What are you doing, mamas?”

You sigh, “What do you mean?”

You’re playing coy. You know he’s wondering why you’re at Spencer’s house, picking up the pieces, but you won’t be the one to bring it up.

“Why’d you ask Hotch for the week off, Y/n?”

Another sigh, “You know why, Derek. I just, I want to help him.”

“I know you do, Y/n, I know.”

He pauses for a moment, and you let the moment fill with silence.

“I know you care about him. We all care about him. But who is taking care of you?”

“I am. I can take care of him, and I can take care of me.”

“I know you can, but I don’t want you to get hurt, Y/n. Don’t let this be something that hurts you.”

“It won’t. I- You have to- Fuck, I’ll be fine. He’s not fine. I don’t care about me or any feelings that may get hurt right now. I’ll be fine.”

There’s another bear of silence, “Okay, Y/n. Just know you’re allowed to tap out.”

You try to think of anything else to say, but nothing comes, so you say your goodbyes.

You won’t need to tap out. You can take care of him and be good to him and ignore the other feelings you have. You can be good.

The call does make you think it’s time to push, to try harder, to help him get better. So, you approach him that day before bed, before he tucks himself into your arms and falls into a fretful sleep.

“Spencer?”

He takes a moment and then responds, “Yes?”

“You have to talk about it. I think that you need to talk about it. It doesn’t have to be to me but to someone.”

He’s quiet for a long time, and your breath is caught in your throat, waiting for him to say anything.

“I- I don’t want to,” his voice cracks while he says it.

“Spence, you can’t come back if you don’t. You can’t move forward if you don’t.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

A ringing echos in your ears.

“You don’t mean that. She- she would want you to keep going.”

Wrong thing to say.

“You don’t know anything about what she would want.”

He’s seething now, below the surface, but smoke has started to plume from his ears. Still, you don’t stop.

“Spencer, everyone knows that. No one would want you to put your life on hold.”

He speaks his next line through his teeth, “You don’t know anything, Y/n.”

You’ve never heard him sound so angry.

“Spencer-“

“No, just stop. You don’t know her. You don’t know me half as well as you think you do. You don’t know anything. I don’t even know why you’re here. I don’t want you here. You can't be what I need.”

The ringing in your ears is louder.

“Spencer, please. Just-“

“No!” His voice is raised now, bordering on a yell, “I don’t want you here. I want you out, Y/n.”

This has to be what shell shock feels like. The ringing, the tingle in your limbs, and the heat in your face. You don’t know how you are moving, but you are.

His voice is echoing in your head, or maybe he’s still talking, but you can’t tell either way. The only thing you can focus on is how Spencer sounded like he hates you and that Morgan was right about the hurt.

~

You spend the next day trying desperately to shut down the noise in your head. It doesn’t work. The day after is the same. And the days following that. You ignore calls when they come, you ignore the texts, but you can’t stop looking at your phone for a message from the man who fills your thoughts.

Spencer doesn’t call, obviously, and you have to sit with a pit in your stomach while you beg yourself to just get the fuck over it. Two years of reckoning with the severity of your love, months of watching him live happily without you, and it’s the three days you spent trying to help him feel incrementally better that floor you.

You feel like a dumb teenage girl with so much love and nothing to do with it. On top of everything, you feel selfish. Spencer lost the love of his life forever, and you’re nursing the worst heartbreak of your life because a boy will never want you and never has. Still, you send out prayers for him over and over. You hope you’ll see him in the BAU again, even if his eyes glaze over you. Hell, even if they look at you with hate the way they did two days ago. You just want him to function. You want him to be good and eventually be happy. You try to go to bed with soothing thoughts, but you end up with a mantra of his name.

You wake to your alarm and dress for work before you realize you aren’t actually supposed to go back yet. You never set a date to return. You wanted to be open as long as Spencer needed you. You’re supposed to be with him. You’re supposed to be helping and not tapping out. But you aren’t.

You have no reason not to return to the bullpen, so you do. You walk in and feel eyes on you. You wait for Morgan to call out to you, but he doesn’t, so you follow the feeling.

Your breath catches in your throat; it’s Spencer. He’s sitting at his desk, paperwork spread out, and he doesn’t look away from your gaze; he just holds it. His face is unreadable, and yours is definitely not, so you look away first. You don’t look up again until you reach Hotch’s office. You knock and hear him call out to come in.

“I’m back if that’s okay.”

He looks up at you, and you want to cry. You know he can read you. He has always been the best at it.

“Are you okay with that, Y/l/n?”

You lock eyes with him, “Yes, sir.”

It’s no use; he knows your tells and you aren’t being honest.

“Alright, conference room in five.”

Whatever he sees in your face, he ignores and takes you at your word, but there’s a warning in his tone. He knows when to let things go and when to push. More than that, though, he knows you’d never let something like this affect your work.

~

The first case back is in Maryland, and the one after is in Austin, and the next is in Philadelphia with The Replicator. The job takes you all over the country, and the cases blend together. You don’t speak to Spencer through all of it. You’re never partnered, never work together, you sit on opposite ends of the jet. You don’t even speak at Strauss’ funeral. It’s radio silent, and everyone notices it, but no one brings it up.

In that time, you allow yourself to slip away slightly. You don’t go out with the team, you see Pen at nearly half frequency, and basically, the only time you speak is on cases. It’s stupid and melodramatic, but you call it healing. Derek tries to reason with you, JJ sticks to you a bit more than usual, and Penelope calls you virtually whenever she can, but their efforts are mostly in vain. This is your way of protecting yourself. You feel like you have to isolate in order to improve, and you know, given time, you will come back to yourself.

Penelope’s insistence that you go to her Day of the Dead celebration breaks your distance.

“Y/n, please come. I know you aren’t going out, but you have to. I know you have people to honor, and I need you there.”

You sigh, “Whose going, Pen?”

“The team, which you are a part of, so you must be there.”

“I don’t think I can do that. I promise you I will celebrate with you. I’ll help you set up, just please don’t make me go.”

Penelope pauses, but the glint in her eye keys you into the fact that she is not interested in giving up.

“We miss you, Y/n. Everyone loves you and misses you. You’ve been living this stupid, isolated life, and it’s time for you to come back. You are not this person. I refuse to believe it. You’re coming, and that’s final.”

Maybe you don’t have the energy to argue, or maybe you know she’s right, but you agree to go.

~

The thought of seeing him makes your heart race, and the clock you keep glancing at makes it worse. Just a few more hours before you're trapped in a confined space (Pen’s beautiful home) with a man you haven’t spoken to in weeks.

You busy yourself with preparing. Lights are hung, food is made, and you make a trip to the store while Pen sets up her remembrance table. When everything is said and done, you can’t help but feel this is the most beautiful thing you’ve been a part of in a long time.

The first knock comes at 7:30 exactly, and it’s Hotch and Rossi. They are followed closely by Blake, then Derek and JJ. By 7:00, the atmosphere is light and loving, and you feel a bit of your anxiety let up as the minutes go by without Reid. But, eventually, the knock comes, of course it does, and you move into a corner as Spencer walks in. You feel a shift in energy, though you doubt it’s palpable for anyone else. Rossi is the first to make his way over to you, and his presence comforts you nearly immediately.

“How you doing, kid?” His voice is soft like he’s speaking to a scared rabbit.

“I’m better,” you say, and it’s about as honest as you can get. As much as you’d like to think he knows nothing about what’s gone on, you’re smarter than that. He’s the best profiler on the team, and he’s always known when someone was off with you. Even so, you are better than you were, even if you aren’t quite good, and you know he believes you.

There’s some idle conversation between you before he asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not tonight. I don’t know when, but I will. Eventually, I will.”

It’s good enough for him, and you move on easily, which surprises you.

Right before Pen gathers you all to present your photos, he says, “Sometimes we think we’ve seen the whole picture, but we miss a big part. People do things because they don’t want to be hurt, but those things hurt them more. Just, be open.”

You don’t quite understand what he means, but you hope you will.

Penelope presents the first picture, which shows her parents. JJ honors her sister, Derek, his dad, Hotch Haley, and Rossi, Hernandez; then it’s your turn. You place down a photo of your best friend. You hadn’t talked much about her, but you think of her daily. She passed a few years before you joined the BAU.

“I was lucky to have someone that hurt that much to lose.”

That’s all you say, but it’s enough for you, and it would be enough for her.

Spencer is last. He places down a picture of Tesla and a picture of Maeve. Your heart is heavy for everyone.

The night dwindles from there. Hotch and Rossi say their goodbyes, and Rossi gives you a knowing look as he leaves. You just smile. You stay for a few minutes after, but eventually, you move to leave as well.

You make it down Garcia’s porch before you feel a hand grab your arm. You turn, and it’s Spencer’s face you see.

“Would you- Do you think you could come over? Do you think we could talk?”

~

The feeling you have walking up to Spencer's apartment is similar to what you felt the last time. You’re incredibly anxious, but at least you know you’ll be let in this time.

The drive over was silent. Spencer had taken the metro to Penelope’s, so he rode with you. It wasn’t necessarily awkward. There was just an understanding that the car wasn’t the place to begin your conversation.

Now, as Spencer unlocked his door, it’s one of those rare moments you felt starved for words, and you know it’s because you’re scared you’ll say the wrong thing and face the same reaction that you did the last time you were in his home.

He leads you to his living room and motions for you to sit, and you do. The two of you are on opposite ends of his couch while you wait for him to say something.

His first words are airy and light, “Thank you for letting me talk to you.”

You look at him but remain silent, waiting for him to go on. All you can think about is why he wants to speak to you at all. The last time you spoke, he made it incredibly clear he did not want you in his life or around him at all.

Before you can think about it more and let your anger and sadness build, he speaks again, “I feel really stupid right now. I kind of feel stupid whenever I’m around you recently.”

He pauses momentarily before going on, “I’m so, so sorry, Y/n. About the last time we spoke. I’ve been thinking about it pretty constantly for the past few weeks.”

You open your mouth, unsure of what exactly to say, but you can’t get there before he’s off again.

“I’m not sure how to talk to you anymore. I don’t think I’ve known how to for a long time. I just, I need you to know how sorry I am for speaking to you like that.”

He takes a shakey breath but keeps going, “That wasn’t me, and that isn’t how I feel. I’m just unbelievably sorry, Y/n.”

He stops there, and you work to collect your thoughts.

“I know. A part of me knows, at least, that you didn’t mean it. I just wanted to be there for you, and hearing that made me- I just- I think it made me hate myself for wanting to be there.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m unbelievably sorry.”

“You didn’t talk to me for months, Spencer. I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why you let me in in the first place. I thought you hated me.”

He’s silent for a long minute.

“I never hated you, Y/n. I just stopped knowing how to act around you, and then I met Maeve. I fell so deep into it that I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I- And I just started to feel like you didn’t want me to speak to you, so I didn’t. But, when you came here, after everything, I guess I just felt like you were the only person who would get it. You never, no one on the team ever treated me or talked to me how you did. I just wanted that.”

Tears had begun to well in your eyes now. A part of you gets what he means, at least about letting you in, but the other part is so confused as to why he stopped being comfortable around you.

“I don’t understand, Spencer. Why did you stop knowing how to be around me?”

There’s desperation in your voice that makes you sound like a stranger to yourself. Maybe you’re a stranger to everyone right now.

“I uh, I don’t really know.”

“That's not fair, Spence.”

You’re crying now. Just a little bit, but you can feel the wetness on your cheeks. You can see that you are by the look on his face. He looks broken, and you know it's a reflection of your own image.

You wipe your face, “Thank you for apologizing, Spencer. I just, there are parts of this all that I don’t understand, and if you can't explain them to me, I don’t think I ever will.”

“Y/n-,” he calls out your name like a prayer.

“It’s okay, Spence. You don’t have to say anything more. We talked, and things will go back to how they were eventually.”

“I’m so sorry, Y/n.”

You smile sadly as you get up to leave.

“I am, too, for what it's worth. For whatever I did to make things change in the first place.”

You leave it at that, and it takes everything in you not to look back as you leave his apartment.

~

Things do get easier after that. Not completely. You still love him, and it hurts, but it helps to know he doesn’t hate you. He talks to you some, cordial things, and you do the same. You're sure your teammates still sense something is off, but this works for you. Right now, it works. Getting over him, not loving him anymore, is going to take work, but eventually, you know that you won’t hurt anymore.

Shortly after you and him talked, you started going back out with your friends. Spencer joined periodically, but that was normal. Bars were never really his scene.

Tonight, everyone gathers at your local pub. Your last case was particularly grueling, and you all need a way to blow off some steam. It's fun, and you feel good, even with Spencer sitting across from you. You feel proud of yourself for getting to this point.

JJ and Penelope feed you drinks to try and get you to dance, and you let them. Tonight feels as good of a night as any to ‘get back out there’ as Pen says. So, you do. You dance with them, and you ward off the other cops and agents around you who try to pull you away from your group. You aren’t interested in that. Right now, you're just having an appropriate amount of fun for a woman 15 feet from her boss.

Time goes by quickly, and by the time you get back to the table, you, Derek, Penelope, and JJ remain. He tells you that Hotch, Rossi, Reid, and Alex left a few minutes before. The conversation between you flows for a while, up until the drinks loosen Penelope up enough to bring up what you were pretty sure the team designated a no-no topic.

“Y/n, you have to talk about it.”

You’re still laughing as something Derek said when you reply, “What?”

“You know what. You and Boy-Genius. What on Earth happened? You went from ice-cold to semi-friendly. None of us saw it coming.”

“Babygirl-,” Derek tries to stop her, but you cut him off.

“No, it’s okay. I have to talk about it at some point, and I think right now is the only time I’ll be tipsy enough to let you get it out of me.”

You're still laughing slightly, but the pit that's lived in your stomach for the past few months starts to rear its head.

“After your Day of the Dead party, he asked to talk to me. I went to his place, and he apologized. I don’t really understand what he said or what he meant, but I can’t be sad about him forever.”

Pen perks up a bit at that, “I knew that party would bring good things!”

You giggle a bit at her outburst, but then JJ asks, “What did he say?”

The faces around you all tune in at that. You know they don’t see this as gossip. They care about you both too much to trivialize it like that.

“He just said that he stopped knowing how to act around me, and he didn’t know why, but then he met Maeve, and I guess it didn’t matter so much after that. He was my best friend, and then he was nothing.”

JJ shares a glance with Derek and then speaks, “Oh, Y/n.”

“What?”

After a beat, Derek says, “He didn’t just not know how to act around you.”

Now you're confused, “What do you mean? I talked to him, that's what he said. He didn’t know why. I mean, he knows everything and didn’t know why he didn’t want to be around me anymore. How fucking stupid is that.”

You laugh again, but it does come off as genuine in the slightest.

“Y/n, he probably doesn’t really know why. At least not fully. For someone as smart as he is, the kid can be really stupid.”

“Stop being cryptic.”

Derek sighs but goes on, “Pretty girl, pretty boy was in love with you. Probably still is. He just didn’t think you’d ever feel the same.”

“No. That's not true.”

You look at the others around you, but their faces are serious.

“He loved Maeve. He loves Maeve. That, that doesn’t make any sense.”

It's JJ’s turn to talk now.

“He definitely did love Maeve, no one is denying that, but we all saw how he was around you. His whole relationship with her was safe. He couldn’t be hurt by her rejection every day because he had no way of seeing her. With you, he could.”

Your mind is moving a mile a minute, “Did he tell you guys this?”

Penelope puts her hand over yours and says, “He didn’t have to, love. We all say the way he looked at you and acted around you. The way he talked about you. That boy was head over heels.”

“Guys, I appreciate whatever you’re trying to do, but this isn’t real. Spencer doesn’t- this is not real.”

“Y/n, pause. Think about the way he acted around you, the things he said. Think about how Reid is.”

You hear what Derek said, but it all sounds faint like someone stuffed your ears with cotton while you weren't paying attention. All you can focus on are the different scenes running through your head, the scenes of your life with Spencer in it. How he memorized your coffee order and brought it for you every day, how he never shied away from your touch despite his aversion to contact, how he consistently went out of his way to protect you on the field. At his house after everything, the way he clung to you and wanted to be held. How he said in his own words, “You can't be what I need”; not “you aren’t,” but “you can’t.”

Your whole world is crashing down in this bar, and you can’t do anything to stop it.

“Y/n?”

JJ’s voice snaps you out of your spiral.

“Just go talk to him.”

You nod mutely, and you get up.

~

Everything in the last ten months of your life has led you to the exact spot you were when everything blew up in the first place: Spencer’s door.

This time, you aren't too worried about him not letting you in. If anything, it's the opposite. Him opening this door could open a hundred others, and you don’t quite know if you are ready for any of them. You sit there and sit there and sit there, trying to work up the courage to knock, though you aren’t sure it's there to begin with. Right as you're about to walk away and decide you’ll come back another day, his door swings open.

“Y/n?”

His face is lit up with shock, and you notice his hand that is not on the door is holding his pistol.

“What are you doing here?”

You don’t answer, “Why did you open the door?”

He sets his piece down on the entry table before responding, “I heard footsteps in the hall and saw they stopped here. I was anxious. 50.3% of home invasions happen between 8:00 pm and 7:00 am.” He cuts himself off there, “Y/n, why are you here?”

You didn’t pay attention to anything he said. All you could think about was the way his lips were moving and the way his eyes locked onto yours as he talked.

“Do you love me?”

That is not what you wanted to say.

His lips fall open as he takes in a sharp breath, “What?”

“Or I guess did you love me? Before everything? Because Derek and JJ and Pen, they all said that you loved me, and now I can’t think about anything else, Spencer.”

He doesn’t speak, but you don't really give him a chance to.

“I just, I know I sound crazy right now, but I feel fucking crazy. I keep going over everything in my head, and I have been, for the past year I have been, but now it’s all different. It's all different because they said that you loved me, but you didn’t think I’d feel the same way.”

Here, you do pause, but he still doesn’t say anything, so you go on before you can stop yourself.

“Because if that's true, Spencer, it's just- I did. I do. And if it's not, then please just tell me so I can stop feeling this way.”

He sounds resigned when he says, “Y/n,” and you feel like you know what that means.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I'm doing this. You don’t have to say anything. Actually, please don’t say anything. I don't think I can hear it. Just pretend I never-”

He cuts off your ramble, “Y/n, stop.”

You draw your eyes from the floor, look up at him, and find something in his gaze you have never seen before. He doesn’t say anything, just stares at you, and it takes everything you have not to look away. His hand raises to cup your jaw, and your skin lights on fire. Before you can process what he’s doing, you feel his lips press against yours, and something clicks. At first, his touch is light, like he’s giving you the chance to pull away. But, when he grasps that you won’t, he presses himself to you harder, and all you can think about is how nothing has ever felt so right.

His lips move against yours, and you don’t know how you're managing to reciprocate because it feels like everything in your body has gone fuzzy. The kiss is by no means long, but it feels like it lasts forever, and by the time he pulls away, you’re breathless.

His forehead stays connected to yours, and he whispers, “I do, Y/n, love you. I have.”

You don’t feel the tears on your cheeks until he’s wiping them away.

“Oh, Y/n.”

“Did you know? That you did? Is that why…”

You trail off, hoping he’ll pick up on what you're asking, and he does.

“I didn’t at first, or I didn’t realize I was falling in love with you until it happened. I got scared, so I ran. I just never thought that you could feel the same or that I was hurting you. I didn’t realize that. I just thought I was doing what was best for us. I felt guilty for being in love with my best friend.”

“And Maeve?”

“I loved Maeve. I’ll always have love for her. I was trying to move on, and I thought I could eventually be with her and be around you without it hurting. I wish I would have told you this before.”

“You’re telling me now. That's enough.”

This time, it's you who pushes your lips to meet his. Your arms snake around his neck, and his fall to your waist. You follow when he pulls you into his apartment and closes the door. There is still pain on both sides, but you can feel it dissipating as you cling to each other. You’re just two broken people who have finally found a way to each other.

This kiss is different, hungrier. Neither of you pulls away for longer than a few seconds as you navigate your way from his entryway to his couch. Every touch is desperate like you're searching for something you never knew existed until now. His hands pull you closer and closer until he's pulling you on top of him, and each of your legs rests on opposite sides of his hips.

Your lips break from his for a moment, “What do you want, Spence?”

His reply is instant, “You.”

From there, things move faster. Your hands unbutton his shirt and push it from his shoulders while he undoes your pants. There are moments of awkwardness that come with exploring another for the first time, but it feels good. His hands trace over your hips and push further until you're left on top of him in only your underwear and bra. He takes you in like you are something to be marveled at, and you know your eyes reflect the same adoration.

You raise yourself off of him and work to get him in the same state of undress as you, and when you position yourself on top of him, you feel his length press against your center. The two thin layers of fabric do little to hinder the intensity as you rock into him. He lets out quiet moans at the action as his lips trace down your neck and over your collarbone.

His breath ghosts over you and makes you shiver when he asks, “Can I touch you?”

“Please.”

His hand moves between the two of you, and his fingers find your clit easily, rubbing circles over the fabric of your panties. You pant his name against his lips at the action. You feel like your whole body is lit up, and under any other circumstance, you'd feel embarrassed at how worked up you are, but you can’t seem to care.

After a few moments, he lifts you up and carries you to his bedroom. From there, he positions you below him on the bed, removing your remaining clothes in the same motion. The new setup lets you grip him, and he feels big in your hand. His fingers resume their previous assault before dipping down into you. You cry out at the feeling of him inside you, slowly pushing in and out, finding a spot that makes your legs start to shake. He’s relentless in his pursuit and all you can muster up the energy to say is his name.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/n.”

It's somewhere between a whimper and a whisper, but the sound of his voice causes you to clench around his fingers.

He picks up on this, of course he does, and quickens his pace as he coos at you.

“So pretty like this. I’m so lucky.”

You’re embarrassingly close already, so when he moves his thumb over your clit to rub circles as he fucks into you with his fingers, you come undone almost instantly with a warning and cry of his name. He works you through your orgasm, all while whispering praise in your ear. Once you come down from your high, you start to push his boxers down his legs, but he stops you before you can fully.

“We don’t have to do anything more, Y/n. I liked just making you feel good.”

“I want more. I want to feel you if you want that too.”

“Of course I do. I just don’t want you to regret anything.”

“I couldn’t regret this, Spencer. I love you. I want all of you.”

It's the first time you’ve actually said those three words to him, and it feels so fucking good to say.

“I love you, too. God, so much.”

With that, he positions himself back on top of you, running his fingers over your slit gently before gripping himself.

“Do you have a condom?”

“I might somewhere, but I have an IUD, and I’m clean. I can try to find one if you’re more comfortable with that?”

“IUDs have a failure rate of around .05% and are largely considered the most effective form of birth control, so uh, as long as you're okay with it, I am.”

You smile to yourself at his statistic but nod, “I want to feel you, Spencer.”

He returns your smile before rubbing his length over your entrance a few times and slowly pushing himself into you just slightly. He teases you, or maybe himself, for a moment before fully entering you. You push your hips up to meet his, and feeling him in his entirety makes your jaw fall open. He’s big, and you feel unbelievably full.

He waits a moment for you to adjust before he starts to develop a rhythm. His hands are everywhere, but his eyes are focused solely on your face like he doesn’t want to miss a moment of your reaction to him inside of you. To be fair, you are probably putting on a good show. Every movement he makes hits you in exactly the right spot, and you don’t think you could be louder if you tried. You can feel the leg he’s not holding up against his shoulder shake against the bed. Your first orgasm has made way for your second to be incredibly close.

“Spencer, please.”

You’re crying out, desperate for a little more to push you over the edge.

“What do you need, baby?” His voice is tight like he’s not far himself, and it sounds better than anything you’ve ever heard.

“Harder. Please, harder.”

He takes your direction immediately, rubbing circles on your clit with one hand while he thrusts into you with a bruising force. He’s fucking you like he wants you to remember the feeling long after he stops, and you know that you will. Everything about it is overwhelming: his smell, his pace, his eyes. You are covered in him, and he is covered in you.

After a moment, the hand he had on your stomach trails up to grasp lightly at your throat, and you fall into feeling. You can’t warn him that you're about to come before you do. The feeling is white hot. Bigger than your first, and the fact that you're coming on him sends you into overdrive. You can feel his hips falter for a moment, but you're lost in a daze, crying out his name.

He pumps into you a few more times before he follows suit. He pulls out, and you feel stripes of his come paint your cunt and lower stomach as he finishes with a moan of your name.

He falls next to you on the bed, and it takes you both a few moments to collect yourselves and catch your breath.

Once you do, the only thing you can think to say is, “I love you.”

It feels like those are the only words circling around in your head at the moment. Some mixture of his name and that declaration. While you know you each said it before, that your profession was the exigence of the sex you just had, it feels uniquely vulnerable to say now. It’s like the moment you just had together could have changed things or made him realize that he doesn’t actually love you after all.

That shoe doesn’t drop, though. Instead, you hear the three words echoed back to you by a man who, 6 hours ago, you thought would never, ever say them.

You turn to face him, and the love on his face feels like it could knock you out. He’s looking at you and smiling in a way you haven't seen in a long time.

“Will you let me clean you up?”

You know that part of the reason he’s asking has something to do with the likelihood of bacteria growth or something like that, but you think it's mainly that he wants to take care of you. Him wetting a rag and running it over you feels intimate in a different way, in an excruciatingly gentle way. Personal in a way that makes you feel like nothing between you could ever be wrong again, and maybe that's naive to think, but you feel hopeful regardless.

Once he finishes, he takes his space back next to you in the bed. This time, he pulls you into his arms, and it's different than it was all those months ago. This time, you know that he won’t push you away and that you won't hurt yourself by being next to him. This time, you just tuck yourself into him, and you let him whisper sweet nothings into your ear as you begin to drift off. This time, it feels like peace.

~

The following day, you wake up to Spencer still next to you, looking incredibly soft in the early morning light. You search for a moment to find your phone in the piles of clothes and are greeted with a text from Pen.

How did it go????

You smile before turning your phone off and climbing back into bed next to the man you love. It couldn’t have gone better.

-

all done! yay!!!

i hope you guys love it!! i’m not 100% happy with the ending but i’ve been writing this for so long and just needed to be done.

this is my first time writing angst on here and my longest fic, so PLEASE tell me what you think! all (nice) feedback is welcome and i love to hear from you guys!! :)

[aurumalatus]

𝐩𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬!𝐚𝐮 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝟏

pairing. kinich x fem!reader

genre/warnings. pixelprincess!au (princess!reader x knight!kinich), reposted for formatting lol

summary. a series of random headcanons from the universe! part 1 of many because i have lots of thoughts about these two

author's note. feel free to come scream about some more headcanons with me <3 enjoy!

𝐩𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬!𝐚𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

kinich and the princess have known about each other for a long time, but it’s only recently that they’ve really talked a lot and become close (since kinich became your guard)

kinich is a bit more open in this universe because although he grew up an orphan, he was recruited into the guard earlier and taken care of by his fellow trainees and the castle staff. he’s still pretty serious and deadpan at his core but he has a bit of silly in him too 

the maids especially used to dote on him a lot. they would coo about how beautiful his eyes are and sneak him cakes and sweets from the kitchen

kinich and the princess actually had one key interaction when they were children that she doesn’t remember

the princess came down with a bad illness and had to stay in her room for about a week. kinich was assigned guard right outside her room, but she never saw him. still, they used to talk a lot during that week through her door, and she never quite figured out who her temporary friend was.

princess used to be *very* spoiled and she knows this. kinich is one of the only people who knocks her down a peg, and he also taught her how to do a lot of practical things (i.e. cleaning, cooking, weaving) 

kinich takes his shirt off by grabbing the back of his collar and pulling it over his head (idk if i’m describing this well, but the image in my head is INSANE). 

once they actually get together, kinich is the type to kiss the princess’s tears away when she cries (i’m going to scream)

kinich secretly has always known he loved the princess in some capacity, maybe since the day he was inducted as her guard (he looked up into her eyes, knelt before her, and felt something burst in his chest). he doesn’t feel like he deserves her love in return and feels so committed to his duty that he won’t do anything about it.

kinich isn’t afraid of dying, but he’s afraid of leaving the princess alone. it’s the reason why he insists on teaching her so many practical things like fighting—he doesn’t trust anyone else to protect her like he can.

there’s a yearly tournament among the guards (and any citizens that want to enter) that is held to win the royals’ favor. kinich is required to participate due to his position, but he tries a lot harder than he lets on—something about letting another guard win kind of irritates him. he wins your ribbon as a prize, a sign of your personal favor, and keeps it on him at all times. he claims it’s just to prove that you owe him.

kinich is a TERROR in the capital marketplace. sellers love him and hate him—he’s fair, but he barters like HELL. you, on the other hand, are any easy target. you will pay pretty much any price they name, and this irritates kinich greatly.

kinich is in charge of training newer recruits to the guard, and older members will warn them not to mention the princess in front of him. last time someone said something disrespectful about her, kinich had them running laps until the sun came up.

most mornings, kinich trains at sunrise. the princess will come out to join him sometimes, either to just lay down in the grass and talk, or to bring out a picnic

many princesses from other nations are attracted to kinich, but he does not return the sentiment—whenever one tries to talk to him, he acts extremely dry and boring on purpose until they lose interest.

kinich has a lot of piercings, but they're not always optimal to fight in—on days when he expects a battle, he wears a pair of studs that the princess gifted him

the castle maids have a running bet on how long it will take you and kinich to get married. sometimes they try to push it along by telling kinich you're looking for him when you aren't, just to pull the two of you together. the pot is over one million Mora, and at some point, the queen joins as well.

[s1ckh1mb0]

———————————————————————

“Bitch where the fuck are you!”

“Shit, at home. I’m not coming out, I told y’all that already.”

“What? Bitch stop playing. For real, where are you at?”

You looked at your phone dumbfounded for a moment before bringing the phone back to your ear.

“What are you talking about? I’m home. Like I said. I’m not coming out, I told y’all I don’t be drinking and shit like that no more. I got kids to worry about.”

“You’re a fucking weirdo you know that? You got with that man and all of a sudden you wanna pretend like you got your shit together. You are just like the rest of us. When you decide to quit being an uppity bitch let us know.”

You all but jumped through your phone before you heard her hang up. This was why you wiener hang out with them. They always hated when people were successful. Anything good that happened to you they just find some way to make it seem like you were trying to come off as better than them.

When you graduated from school, whenever you got your hair done, whenever you did something good at school work, they just hated it. The worst was when you got with Bruce. They were just spiteful. Bruce was a good man. A man that many wanted, but he was the one that you got.

“Those bitches are weird man, almost forty and all they wanna do is club and shit. Like be for real. And then wanna get mad at me for not wanting to go out and be messy. Weird ass hoes.”

Bruce was listening to you talk about the girls who constantly blew your phone up asking to go out and get drunk. His hands massaging your freshly done feet. He was never really the biggest fan of anyone honestly, but those girls especially. Loud and obnoxious, always doing nothing but gossiping.

They had nothing going for them and he could easily see that. That’s the reason he told you to distance your self. Those aren’t the people you needed to be around. He was doing his best to provide you a soft life when he wasn’t busy, no way in hell were some random bitches about to ruin that for you.

“You might as well block their number. No need to keep in contact anymore.”

You were frustrated but knew he was right. You would have to. You recentered yourself and your life to be the new person that your happiness allowed. You just needed to get rid of the last few things that were ruining your energy.

“You’re right. I’m happy, I don’t need that bitterness in our life.”

Bruce let out a hearty chuckle and wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. A comfortable silence as his hands roamed your body. Just taking in every dip and curve. It was like art to him.

“I’m hungry.”

You and Bruce turned around only to faced with your little toddler stepson, Damian. The small four year old made his way to you, pushing his father’s hands away from you before plopping on to your lap like nothing. This was nothing new, you were his favorite parent. You moved your phone off your lap as you took the small boy into your arms.

“It’s two in the morning Damian, you’re supposed to be sleep.”

“Hungry.”

Bruce rolled his eyes at the boy and watched as you walked off with him to get him a snack before putting him back to bed. He took the time to go on your phone and block every single one of the girls. No way in his was someone about to ruin the love of his life’s happiness.

[fruitbasketball]

I feel like you’re one of the only people I can bring this up to who’s not super on one side or the other about CC. They asked her about when Nai got her in the eye which to anyone with a brain was unintentional and she said as so and that it was just a basketball game. Even with that people were in the comments saying she was more mature than Nai and how she was taking the high rode etc. Now I still think it’s at the point where CC needs to speak up because a lot of these fans are vile. I do wonder if there’s sometimes that dilemma of damned if you do damned if you don’t. Do you think now that’s if the offseason she’ll actually say something?

i feel like i want to re-clarify my opinions on cc before i continue on this

if y’all think i’m indifferent towards her, it’s because i avoid talking about her. which really sucks from the standpoint of “i love talking about basketball and she’s played some good ass basketball this season”

but from the standpoint of i am a woc and her fans are sending death threats to some of my favorite players? calling them racial slurs? i do not fuck with her as a person, and i don’t respect her as a public figure. not even a little bit.

and to the people who say that she can’t control the actions of the masses: she wouldn’t fucking know because she hasn’t fucking tried

when the league SHE PLAYS FOR has put out an official statement because it’s gotten that bad and we haven’t gotten one from her - and i’m not talking about some manufactured, off handed comment in a presser - it says a lot. a LOT.

it sucks that i have to avoid talking about her bc 1. she’s been doing some cool shit and 2. i just wish she wasn’t a shitty person! i think it sucks so bad that the energy and support she brings to the league are tainted because her fans are fucking racist.

but to answer your question: i don’t think she’s gonna do shit. she got sm hate for liking a taylor swift post, she’s not boutta come out and tell her fans they can’t be racist. in my opinion, she owes a personal and public apology to dijonai, to at, to her own fucking teammates. but she’s not gonna do any of that.

and if she does, it’s too little, too late.

[idrawstuffidk]

Oh ace, oh sweetheart I am so so sorry

Ace reminds me so much of myself from middle school and high school, the anger, the feeling of isolation, the paranoia that everyone is out to get you

It hurts so so badly to feel that way. It’s why Ace was so so important to me. It’s why I loved him so much, because I saw him for who he was, someone who was deeply hurting and lonely and afraid, and he was.

Everyone pushed him to do what he did. Everyone. The only person who didn’t was Levi. Everyone hated him, but the people I blame the most for what Ace did are Veronika, Nico, and Hu.

Hu was so antagonistic towards Ace, so defensive of Nico and so delusional and I hate her so much

Veronika served to scare him further and further and say that he would be the next to die

And Nico, of course, proved her right. They tried to murder him.

What happened to Ace here, no wonder Teruko broke down a bit. It’s exactly what happened to her in the first trial, save for the fact she didn’t kill anyone. They were both almost murdered. They were both traumatized by it, they were both distrusted and hated by everyone during the trial. It’s why she must have wanted him to fight back so much. I hope she comments on that, I hope she thinks about it, I hope she feels something when Ace dies and I hope she is honest about it. I hope he reminds alive in the narrative like Xander and Min, I hope he and Arei both do.

I love Ace, now even more than ever. I cried so hard, I love him. He didn’t deserve this. That being said, I wonder what Teruko’s plan was. She said that the person to kill next would’ve the one who should carry out her plan, since it’s so high risk. I wonder what she will ask Ace to do, I wonder if he will do it.

I want a mini episode for him, I love the artwork of ace, though I do not like the closing argument ending artwork of him, not a fan, he could have looked so much better than that. I love his new sprites too. I love everything about him, really. I think he is one of my all time favourite characters, and he’s going on my “closest to kinning iv’e ever been list” right next to Nikei.

And with all that being said, thank you for reading my ranting and feelings about Ace and why I love him so so so much. And to give an update on how my OC Elenora would be doing: she’s sobbing hysterically. I’ll need to post more about her to make you understand why she is so heart broken

And on that note, I’m going to be writing a fanfiction where Elenora saved Ace because I think she could, it just takes some clever timing. It’s ok, Ace is alive and well with my lovely OC in my happy little universe.

[drenched-in-sunlight]

"Marika becomes the sum of all the Fromsoft girlies" is nice but you forgot Nashandra who actually has parallels with Marika! Recommending to check it out, she's cool!

let’s get this out of the way now… I love DS2, I think the vibe and gameplay is immaculate and I’ll defend it as a whimsical and enjoyable videogame experience till the end of time.

But my god, I hate how they handle female characters in that one 💀

In fact, I don’t like how they handle female characters in DS franchise in general. It got a bit better in Bloodborne and Sekiro and especially AC6, but overall ever since I started playing Fromsoft game in 2020, my main gripe with them is they only have 2 tropes to shoehorn their female character into: helpless victim of a system that would mangle and exploit them OR serious sword lady. And if I’m being real, it’s the main gripe I have with Elden Ring base game too?

I didn’t discuss it on tumblr because back then I were still trying to keep this blog art-focused, but when the game came out in 2022, I did express my concern on twitter that I found the female characters cast… strangely lacking. Because I went into the game expecting Ema-level of writing (literally Sekiro’s Ema is one of the best female characters Fromsoft has ever written to this day I could and have talked ppl’s ears off about her. And I’m glad she on her own is very different from Marika. That means they could at least write 2 more types of female characters now the bar is on the floor but I’ll take it and cherish what I have), but it felt like they got reset back to DS franchise with ER base game.

(This has an added layer of me being a girl born, raised and lived in a Sinosphere country that is entrenched in Confucius values just like Japan, so yes I do understand and experience firsthand the underlying culture values that shapes their writing. Hell, I live and study postgraduate in Japan for 2 years too).

But we are going off track, this is about DS2. Now, my problem with DS2 is, see, with 1 or 3, the female characters either have very little agency or no agency at all. And it just…. be like that. The male characters are somewhat the same, so it really doesn’t bother me that much. The cool, unique, not sexualized design is enough. But 2?

2 has a lot of female characters…. who either play no role in the world setting or sinister figures that charm men and bring ruins to kingdoms? What?

(Before anyone says “but Lucatiel—” Lucatiel is the beacon of light in that game, yes, but at the same time her purpose centering around her brother is… also a problem I have with the way they handle Malenia’s story. My Fromsoft experience has lore to it as well jfc)

Like, it’s just ??? to me half of those women have no agency or backstory whatsoever apart from being the Dark’s daughters that would bring doom everywhere they go??? You can say everything wrong in DS2 world is their fault and I actually wouldn’t have much to argue. Actually, it’s interesting you bring up Nashandra because I do think Nashandra has parallel in Elden Ring. But not to Marika.

Nanaya.

That’s who reminds me of Nashandra in Elden Ring. Literally the mysterious, lowkey nefarious lady and her old man husband with questionable dynamic DS2 trope 🧍‍♀️ you can actually see that in their name too.

If I have to pick a character in DS franchise specifically to make parallel to Marika, it’ll always be Gwynevere. Because I honestly think it’s amazing they took a character that has the least amount of agency they’ve ever created, and turned the core concept of her (warmth, healing spells, sunlight, mother, daughter, queen, faith) into another character with actual good writing.

That’s why I didn’t include Nashandra in my previous post. Not because I don’t know about her. It’s because I know.

[andreal831]

I’m the same person who asked the question about Datherine and I wanted to ask similar one about Stelena: Do you think they could’ve worked out if l Damon weren’t in like, in the picture?

Hi! Welcome back <3

When I used to watch TVDU, I loved Stelena. As I've gotten older, I see how problematic the whole thing is. But they still kind of get me because of nostalgia.

I really do think they would have worked if not for Damon. Elena's attraction to Damon always felt forced to me. She was so caught up in the whirlwind romance of Stefan and then they settled into this very calm, happy place. Even with all of the chaos around them, they found peace in each other. Elena and Stefan were so happy in their relationship, the show had to force them apart physically to wedge Damon in there. They even had to use the sirebond to force Damon in the way more.

The only thing I felt was truly unhealthy in their relationship was the age gap. Even him originally wanting to get to know her to see if she was Katherine didn't totally bother me because of how he felt about Katherine. Damon seeing her and thinking she was Katherine made him think he was seeing his first love. Stefan hated Katherine when he saw Elena. He didn't pursue it out of some lost love. He fell for Elena as her own person.

Now granted, Elena was in high school and those relationships usually don't last, but this is a show about vampires and magical babies, so I think we can suspend reality on that.

I love Steroline, but feel like Caroline didn't necessarily want the same things as Stefan. They just kind of forced motherhood on her. She wanted a career and to travel. She would have loved to go off with Tyler and discover the world. Just like Damon didn't have similar wants to Elena. Wanting the same things in life is very important in a relationship. Compromising will only cause both of them to be unhappy no matter how much they love each other.

An important aspect I really liked about Stelena and felt would make them last is how much respect they had for each other. Stefan would always let Elena make her own choices, even if he didn't agree. And Elena was always there to fight for him. I know some people don't like how he handled the transition, but that's usually from people who just wanted Delena to happen. Elena never wanted to harm anyone and never wanted to be a vampire. Stefan understood that and tried to help her live with what she was. They both just wanted the best for each other.

Stefan helped Elena find joy in life again. Season 1 Stelena was so happy. They would have found this happiness again if Damon and Klaus stopped interfering. The visions they saw from the Travelers felt really organic to me. They both wanted the same things. They wanted family and humanity. Stefan taking the cure made more sense than Damon. Damon loved being a vampire and Stefan hated it, plus had trouble controlling it. I could very easily see them settling in Mystic Falls. Her being a doctor and Stefan going to school to discover what he wanted from his life. They would have had kids and would have created a loving home.

Thanks for the ask!

[skyfallscotland]

I’m very curious about your (make him worse) thoughts - if you could shape onyx storm however you wanted to, what would you have happen in it? Specifically to Xaden and Violet (and XadenandViolet)? ☺️

I just think seeing Xaden as venin but not tortured by it in a woe-is-me situation would be so much fun! I think it would be very on brand for him to be wild with power and still be one-track-mind in love with Violet Sorrengail. Will being venin really change the man? We don't know enough to say, yet! I mean Jack was already a psycho, he's hardly evidence of power corrupting. What if a bunch of farmers only became venin a thousand years ago to defend themselves because dragon kept eating their sheep? You don't know their side of the story! 😂

I'm personally a bit disappointed Rebecca's editor convinced her to change it so Xaden turned at the end of Iron Flame and not Violet, because I think first-person perspective of veninism would be super interesting too! This also all sets us up for a classic narrative I'm not sure I'm down for.

Personally I'm just hoping whatever she goes for isn't too cliché. My feelings are that we might be headed for a book where Xaden tries to fight against it and ultimately fails, ends up hurting Violet or someone she loves (I think one of two characters is about to meet an untimely end and I'm not telling you who yet) and then takes off to 'protect her' from himself. Next book we'll be in a game of cat and mouse while Violet finds a cure, at the end of the book we'll cure Xaden (I have thoughts on what that will be too) and then we'll roll on into the big battle/war (book five).

So that's what I think will happen and I think it's kinda formulaic and boring. I'll be happy if it's anything else. Not that I won't enjoy that if that's how she rolls with it, I just wish for more, you know? Every time she says "I wanted to do x originally but my editor said—" I die a little inside because her instincts are GOOD, y'all.

As for what I'd do, well...can't tell you yet. I have a little series, I don't know if you've heard of it, it's called Basgiath: Remi's Version and I'd hate to spoil it for anyone 😉

[jaeyunwon]

TRY AND RUN. chapter 1

pairing: yandere! sunghoon x fem!reader

synopsis: everyone saw you and your husband, sunghoon, as the perfect couple. But there's just something very wrong about him and you're not gonna stop till you find out.

or

you suffer from paraplegia (paralyzed from the hips till down), you find out that your husband is more than what he says he is.

w.c: 3.8k+

warnings: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, smut, (mdni), fluff, mention of killing someone, drinking, stalking?, hoon and reader are very much in love and it shows.

a/n: honestly this has been in my drafts for too long but I've been busy with clg I'm sorry for the wait. btw for the story to make sense, since she's paralyzed it'll only be her legs not her hips and yk.. and it's just a fictional story so of course not everything is real especially in how I'm writing the readers condition (pls don't come at me-)

try and run masterlist

smut warning under cut!!

warnings: smut, (mdni), mention of sex, nipple sucking, mention of masturbating in the shower, pussy slapping, dirty talk, edging, fingering, marking, possessive sunghoon, my first time writing smut!!! 18+ mdni

☆

The light of the morning sun seeped through the kitchen windows, as the sound of eggs sizzling in the pan can be heard throughout the kitchen walls, once you turned off the stove and put the eggs and bacon in plates you were about to turn around with your wheelchair but was abruptly stopped when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

your head quickly turns around since you heard no noise of anyone being awake other than you. But your worries faded as soon as you saw the face of your husband, sunghoon, standing before you.

giving him a small smile sigh "you almost scared me to death.” he giggled at your reply giving you a kiss on your check “I'm sorry darling, didn't mean to.”

He helped you set up the breakfast on the table and you both sat down to eat, “so, what do you want to do today?” He started which made you look up from your plate, swallowing before replying “don't you have work today?”

“I can take some time off just for you.” he smirked as he took a bite of his breakfast, “really? Then maybe we can go to the beach! The weather seems lovely today.” He smiled at your enthusiasm.

“Anything for my pretty girl.” it's not that sunghoon doesn't take you out, in fact he tries to take you out every week but he's been very busy lately that you both have spent the whole week at home whenever he comes back from work.

You both went back to eating in silence, it wasn't awkward. It could never be awkward when you're with sunghoon.

When you were both done you were about to take the plates and put them in the sink but sunghoon beat you to that “I'll do the dishes, you should've woke me up to help you with breakfast too.”

“You looked so peaceful while sleeping I couldn't bring myself to wake you up.” You chuckled remembering how you were admiring how he looked while sleeping. “you're too nice, why can't you just leave these things for me, I hate making you do anything when I'm available.”

Sunghoon said while moving towards you, holding your chin up to make you look at him, as your eyes met his you almost felt like you were at a loss of words, his beauty was unbelievable.

And you can't believe it's all yours to admire, you sometimes wonder how you and sunghoon even ended up together. He could do so much better than someone who can't even walk on their legs, and with his looks you're sure he can get any woman out there.

Even though your husband made sure to always tell you how much your legs were beautiful it still was your biggest insecurity. Was he even content with the life he's living right now, stuck with someone who's a liability—

Before you could go on with the negative thoughts, you felt sunghoon's lips right on yours pulling you back into reality, you threw your arms around his neck pulling him closer to you as you lost yourself in his soft lips.

And before it can escalate into anything sunghoon pulled away slowly from you, the kiss wasn't long, it was short but sweet enough to make your heart feel like it stopped.

“What were you thinking about, pretty.” He said while his hand slid up to rub your cheeks “nothing..” you mumbled as you smiled softly at him

He started kissing your neck as his soft yet strong hands made their way to palm your breasts “nothing, really?” looking up at you as his hands palmed your breasts through your shirt “hoon..” you whispered as the touch surprised you, feeling the blood rush in your body.

His hands slowly went under your shirt, trying to remove your bra as he cupped your breasts in his big palms, you arched your back a bit whining at the sudden coldness of his hands on your nipples.

He pulled back and removed your shirt quickly while his lips immediately made their way to your breasts, as he licked and sucked on your nipples, trying to give both your bossoms the same attention while his hands kept going down until they reached your thighs.

He left your nipple with a pop coming from his mouth after feeling satisfied and started sucking on your neck again, trying to leave his marks as much as he could. sunghoon has always been the clingy and touchy type, a minute doesn't go by where he doesn't at least have one of his hands on you.

You quickly held his hands as you tried squirming away “stay still.”

“hoon, not now. it's too early” you whined, removing his hands away from you “it's never too early to want to eat you out.” You felt him smirk against your neck as you hit him jokingly on his head “oh god, don't say stuff like that so early in the morning.” You sighed as you heared him chuckle.

“Well someone needs to help me with this problem.” He brought your hands near his already hard boner, you rolled your eyes at him before replying in a non amused tone “the shower exists.”

“Come on, you're not gonna let me jerk off when you're right here, are you?” the option of strangling him right now didn't feel like such a bad idea right now “sunghoon! I said don't say stuff like that in the morning.”

You heard him laugh before he helped you with your shirt and then he made his way to the counter, turning on the kettle to make you chamomile tea as he started washing the dishes.

Once he was done with the dishes, you drank your tea and took all the medicines you needed for the day, sunghoon took you back to the room to get ready.

Once you got to the room, he stole a kiss before you felt his arms behind your back and knees, as he carried you to the bathroom.

You took a shower while he did whatever it was while waiting for you to finish, this has always been your morning routine. You got out of the shower while he got you some undergarments “what would you like to wear today?” he said while searching in your closet.

Once he found the dress he was looking for he turned back just to find you in your bra and panties already “how about this dress, it would look perfect on you.” It was a summer dress, it was blue in color and had tiny flowers scattered at the end. The dress reaches till your knees which seems perfect with the warm weather outside.

Sunghoon always had a good fashion sense and you never judged his taste in clothes. As he helped you put on the dress, he left you alone to go get ready as you started brushing your hair and putting on a bit of makeup.

Once you both were done he helped you get down the stairs through the stair climber, and you both made your way to the front door, ready to go to the car while sunghoon went back to get his car keys from the bedroom. You and sunghoon lived a bit far away from the city, there isn't a neighborhood around you other than the elderly couple and their dog which they live right on the other side of your house.

They're sweet when they want to be but they're also very rude, especially their German shepherd dog which you're very scared of as you once saw him chase a cat and in the end rip it in half.

you tried not getting near him but, The Kangs, your neighbors, seem to let him lose in the morning and maybe he likes hanging around your house because every morning he is there, almost like he's waiting for you to come out just to see the terrified look on your face.

You've tried talking to the kangs about it but it's only useless when you see him the next morning right outside, and that's exactly the same exact thing you're looking at right now. The German shepherd is right outside your door, staring at you with his blood shot eyes like he's trying to tell you to run before he rips you to pieces.

as you started going backwards using your wheelchair,you felt like screaming but you knew this would only make things worse. You kept going back until you felt your wheelchair bump into something, or more like someone. You looked behind you just to see your husband standing there, glaring at the dog.

He didn't waste a second before he took one of the many umbrellas next to the door, and started threatening the dog, as you saw the dog run away you finally let out the breath you didn't know you were holding. You felt sunghoon's hand engulf yours as he got down on his knees “are you okay, love? You're shaking.” You looked at your hands just to see your hands shaking a bit.

“Yeah I'm fine, you know how it goes with that dog around.” You said as you smiled at sunghoon to make him less worried, “you know I can always threaten the neighbors into getting rid of their dog, if they can't tame him then they might as well just get rid of him. He's been getting on my nerves lately.”

“thank you.. but no it's just a dog, I need to get over my fear of him anyways.”

“I'll make sure to talk to them again about keeping the dog away from our house.”

“Thank you hoon. Really, I appreciate it.”

He smiled at your reply as he began to make his way to the car, he helped you get in and then made his way to the driver seat, and you both set off to the beach.

You felt the sun caress your skin, it wasn't too hot but also not too cold, the weather was perfect for a walk especially with the sight of the beach around.

At the end of your walk sunghoon suddenly stops walking as you saw him roll the hem of his pants and take his socks off, once he looked at you, you tilted your head to the side looking confused but he only smiled at you before he lifted you up bridal style and started walking towards the water.

“hey! What are you doing!” he giggled at your confusion before he felt the water engulf his feet, he dipped you down, your hand reaching for the water, feeling the temperature of it. It was warm and calming against your hand.

You felt the wind breeze at both your figures as you smiled, watching the sun set, you felt relaxed.

“Wanna go back home now?” he asked, as you nodded. He started walking back while giving you small kisses on your face, moments like these made you feel like everything was okay, that there was nothing wrong. He made you feel special, like everyone in the world doesn't exist and it's only him and you.

“I'm so lucky to have you.” He would always make sure you know that you're the blessing in his life, not like it's the other way around. And you wished, hoped, and prayed that in every life, sunghoon would be there, with you.

But you should've known earlier, that all of this… was too good to be true.

sunghoon came out of the car while making his way into the private club, the lights of the club reflecting into him as he made his way to the VIP section, he kept walking until he stopped In front of a table with two guys occupying it.

“Did you finish what I asked you to do?”

“Yup and we left the body as it is, just like you asked.” Jay, sunghoon's workmate, said as he saw sunghoon smile a bit before taking a seat “He was very annoying though, I hate it when they scream and beg a lot.” Heeseung, sunghoon's other workmate, added with a roll in his eyes.

“He should've kept his eyes in check then, checking out my wife when I was right next to her and thinking he would get away with it.” He laughed before he continued “it won't be long before his body is found by the police, you didn't leave anything behind, right?” He relaxed into his seat as he took a sip from the drink that was ordered before he showed up.

“Don't worry, we've taken care of everything.” Heeseung said while taking the shot in front of him and chugging it down feeling it go down his throat finally letting loose.

Sunghoon didn't like lying to you, but there were some things that were better kept as a secret than you having to know, for example, his whole life. You didn't need to know that he worked under an organization, you only knew that he has a normal job, working for a normal company, as a normal office worker.

You didn't need to know that the food you're eating, the clothes you're wearing, the house bills, everything that's getting paid for is from money gotten from killing people as a job.

You just finished making dinner, washing the dishes you used as you waited for sunghoon to get back from work.

wiping your wet hands on the towel you suddenly felt someone's hands on your shoulders as you yelped and turned your head around just to see it was your husband.

You let out a sigh, feeling like you almost got a heart attack. Sunghoon was always slow footed when he got home, you smiled at him before you saw a bouquet of roses in front of you.

Your smile grows even more “thank you, you didn't have to.”

He was about to respond before you quickly pulled him closer to your lips, giving him a kiss to show your gratitude, and he reciprocated your eager kiss. But you pull back before it can turn into anything more, remembering that sunghoon must be hungry.

You both ate your dinner while sunghoon was telling you what he did through the day and you told him about your little activities while you were home alone before you decided to cook dinner.

You were too engrossed looking at the computer to notice your husband coming in with a mug of chamomile tea, he makes it for you every morning and every night “for you.” He said as he set the cup down on the desk, “thank you, hoonie.” He smiled before replying “what are you working on?”

“Nothing, just the usual editing you know.” you took a sip, humming at the taste and giving sunghoon a thumbs up.

Even though your legs weren't functioning, which meant the line of jobs you can choose from is sufficient, you decided to do a job that didn't need you to get out of your home. You usually edit people's writing, it isn't much but it's still something and you were very happy with it.

“Don't you think it's time to go to bed?” He said a chuckle following “I will! After I finish this.” Sunghoon frowned a bit trying to make you change your mind and get to bed earlier.

“How about finishing it tomorrow and spending the rest of the night with me… in bed..” you rolled your eyes knowing exactly what he's trying to say, you couldn't reply as you felt him pulling your body closer to his and smashing his lips into yours, his tongue clashing against yours, hands exploring your body as yours stayed on his chest, gripping his shirt tightly trying to keep up with the kiss.

His large hands stopped at your ass palming it through your clothes before he suddenly held you up, not breaking the heated kiss and making his way to the bed, he placed you down gently on the soft mattress before pulling away slowly from you.

his forehead right against yours as he stared into your eyes, “kiss me again, please.” You breathed, growing impatient already, and sunghoon didn't hesitate before pulling you closer to him again, feeling the soft muscle against his as you both needily kiss each other.

Your hands travel through his hair trying to pull him closer than he already is, as sunghoon's hands stay on your ass squeezing the soft blush, he quickly took off the nightgown you're wearing, while his lips trail down to your chin, leaving love bites on your neck and chest as you whimpered.

“hoon, don't leave too many marks. I can't cover all of them.” he chuckled “I don't regret leaving them on your body this morning, everyone needs to know that you're mine.”

You felt the possessiveness radiating off his whole body, “you're so possessive” you rolled your eyes “I'm just stating the truth, you're mine.”

“Am I really?”

He raised a brow, are you testing him right now? His big hands quickly removed the lace panties you had on, just for him, throwing it somewhere as his hand palmed your soaked pussy, letting out a small gasp at the sudden feeling.

“Don't test me, you know you're mine. No matter how many times you disagree, I'll be here to remind you who you belong to.”

you felt a shiver run through your body, his fingers stroking your outer lips, spreading your wetness around, and without a warning two of his fingers entered you, diving in too deep, stretching you out.

You arch your back, as you cry out for him, your thighs trembling, and your hands holding on tightly to the mattress. The sound of your soaked juices can be heard in the quiet room, feeling the tight knot in your stomach starting to form, ready to break any second, before you felt nothing.

You whined, his fingers leaving your tight hole as they traveled to his mouth for a taste “fuck you taste amazing, I'm so lucky to be the only one who gets to taste you, to see you like this, and to get to fuck you. No other man will ever be able to satisfy you like I do, right darling?”

Squirming, his words almost making your orgasm come back, he gets impatient when he gets no response from you, giving a small slap to your cunt as you cry out at the impact.

“I need words princess.” he breathed out almost cumming in his pants at the fucked out look you have on your face, panting as your chest is heaving up and down.

He gives another slap to your cunt, you try to squirm away from him, blinking away the tears pricking at the corner of your eyes, which failed by the way, “yes! oh fuck only you hoon, I need only you please!”

Sunghoon groaned before his hands started working on his sweatpants, removing his pants and boxer all in one go, he quickly aligns himself to your hole, teasing your folds hearing you whine before he slowly entered the tip in.

His mouth making its way to your nipples to ease the pain, sunghoon was big, very big, no matter how many times he stretched you out it'll always feel like the first time.

He tugs at your bosoms, while fully entering your tight hole, he starts to thrust in at a slow pace as you arch your back, feeling the pain of the stretch but at the same time pleasure is making you lose your mind.

Once the pain subsided you couldn't hold back “hoonie please, faster!” and faster he went, tucking your legs up till they almost reach your shoulders.

This position probably hurts but you didn't really feel anything in your legs other than the pleasure coursing through your body.

He left your nipples with a pop as his thrusts slowed down a bit “you like it when I fuck you like this, pretty? Tell me how much you like it.” his hand went down to play with your clit.

Nothing comes out of you other than a whine, feeling frustrated that your orgasm has been delayed again. You felt his thrusts completely stop, holding your chin to face him as he groaned.

“I need words baby, or you won't get to cum tonight.” You can feel the tears going down your face, too annoyed and stimulated to be able to talk. You managed to get a word or two out, feeling like you will break any second now if you do speak.

“Yes, please! I- I need more, please.” He grinned hearing how your voice is shaking almost like he's trying to make fun of you. “What my pretty doll wants, she'll get.” He said as he thrusted his cock fully in, holding tightly to the bed covers that your knuckles are turning white from the tight grip, screaming at his big cock being inside you.

The feeling of his tip touching your cervix is making you crazy, his fast thrusts are making you lose your mind, the feeling of your orgasm coming back “I'm gonna— fuck cum, I'm gonna cum oh fuck”.

His pace went faster and the need to cum with you at the same time as he groaned “yeah baby, cum for me. Make a mess in my cock and milk me dry.” He said in between heavy breaths, and once he gave you the green light, the knot in your stomach finally snapped.

He kept going helping you throughout your orgasm as he filled you up, groaning while holding you tight. You both sat in silence. The only sound in the room was the sound of the heavy breaths and sighs you both let out, still in the heat of the moment.

When sunghoon recovered, he looked straight into your eyes before muttering “I love you.” he rolled off to his side of the bed bringing you closer to his body.

You smiled at his words, the sunghoon you saw a min ago is not the same sunghoon you're seeing now. And it always surprises you with how much he can change when he's in bed.

“I love you too hoonie, always and forever.”

You didn't hear a response as you felt sunghoon's chest go up and down and soft sound of his snores, he's sound asleep, you closed the small lamp beside your bed, ready to go to sleep.

Once you closed your eyes, trying to get to the land of dreams, you felt a white light blind your eyes, like some kind of camera flash, you opened your eyes confused on what that was, but also too tired to investigate where it came from.

You found nothing in the dark, and were about to close your eyes again before you saw the white light coming from the window. your neighbors house? But the light seemed very close to the window to be from the neighbors house. And Before you could press on the matter any longer you felt yourself succumb to the tiredness.

taglist (if your name is in red then I'm sorry I couldn't tag you.) : @eastleighsblog @laylasbunbunny @lovingvoidgoatee @roslayy @hveanlyanqelic @starfallia @hoonlov @tasnim10 @hyuckies18 @yangjungwonnie @whateverhoon @lakoya @yunhoswrldddd @haechonly @anonant @nshmrarki @woniefull @hoonics @thedreamofalifetime @alienqbrain @chokichips @senascoop @peaceout97 @wonenonly @chubbypeach2111 @babygirllllthings @wonniehunny

jaeyunwon 2024 © all rights reserved

[littlenahsstuff]

Way I request a Rio x reader x Agatha where while they hate each other, Rio and Agatha both adore reader? And reader trues their best to make them be at least somewhat nice to each other while they're around

Down the Right Path

Warnings: not proofread. You are Sharon’s replacement. I had only watched the first to episodes when I started writing this. Ignore the plot holes.

Word count: ~2.9k

The witches road was a dark place. The leaves beneath your feet may have been soft but the cold and misty air bit into them. Overall you were scared, but part of you couldn’t wait for the reward. You may have been a young witch, but you knew of the roads powers. Not long after you entered a witch named Rio joined you. You could not deny both her and Agatha were totally smoking but they seemed to have a weird tension. You could only notice it briefly before you were consumed with worries of the path ahead.

“Hello replacement,” Rio purrs into your ear. You startle. “Relax, I don’t bite too much.” You give her an awkward smile.

“It’s okay, um… my names Y/n, by the way. I’m a newer witch if you couldn’t tell. It’s Rio, right?” You question, falling behind the group slightly. Rio gives you a grin.

“Lovely name, baby witch. Yes, I’m Rio. Did you know Agatha before this, you seemed to be sticking to her like glue before I arrived?” Her grin sticks but the question is said with underlying bite. You glance up ahead to where Agatha grumpily walks fast.

“Yes,” you sigh ,”Back when Wanda was hexing everyone I happened to get swept up in it. Funnily enough I was her wife. Even though it wasn’t real it stings that she knew the whole time it was a spell and didn’t help. After she forgot everyone and became a mean detective she didn’t remember me so I didn’t see her much.” You admit.

“Wow such a sad backstory. I guess that makes you another one of her ex-wives. Even if it was fake,” Rio says with an airy laugh.

Your brows furrow, “She was actually married at one point, who got the real deal?” Rio bites her lip and wiggles her eyebrow.

“Looking at her. Welcome to the ex-wives club hot stuff-“ Rio is interrupted by Agatha’s angry beckon for her.

“See you later babe,” Rio finishes with a wink and teleports up to Agatha. You stay wide eyed in the back.

“You called?” She questions with a huff.

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing with Y/n but leave your no good mitts off of her. She’s too good for you and you know that.” Agatha scolds, keeping her voice low and eyes ahead. Rio laughs.

“Oh come on, you of all people appreciate a little corruption now and then. Besides she already told me you weren’t interested in her herself. As far as I’m concerned she’s free game and a delicious way to get at you Aggie” she responds. Agatha fumes.

“Oh so you’re playing dirty now, got it,” Agatha glances back at you and you smile, making her heart beat a little uncomfortably fast. Rio’s eyes light up.

“No way, you really do care. This is going to be so fun!” She gasps. Agatha groans.

“Whatever, I’ve got places to be.”

***

The coven decided to set up camp, much to Agatha’s dismay. Agatha lit a fire for light and everyone sat around it. You sat on a log immediately followed by Rio to your left and Agatha to your right.

“So baby witch, you’re an earth witch too, what a coincidence. Seems like Wanda knew Agatha had a type,” Rio whispers in your ear, but loud enough Agatha could hear it. You feel your face heat up.

“I guess, yeah,” you laugh awkwardly, staring a little too intently at the ground. Agatha looks behind you at Rio with a death glare. Rio responds with a smile and slowly puts an arm around you.

“We have so much in common already. Tell me baby witch, you seeing anyone? It’s been three years after all.” Rio’s question takes you off guard and you look at her.

“Um, no.”

“Well what a shame.” She pauses and her eyes light up, “A pretty girl like you ought to have someone. Something… real.” Her voice sent shivers down your spine. You couldn’t for the life of you figure out if she was genuinely flirting with you or planning something else. You stand up quickly.

“I- I’m gonna go get more kindling for the fire,” you rush out before speeding away.

Still at the campfire, Rio cackles and Agatha clears her throat. Grabbing Rio by the collar and pulling her up to stand.

“You’re coming with me,” she grits out, tugging Rio harshly to the opposite direction you went.

Once alone she lets her temper burn much like the fire at the site.

“You miserable bitch, why are you going after her like that?!” Agatha hurls, her arms flailing.

“Well… hmmm. Maybe because it’s so delicious. And at first it was just to get back at you… but, and I can’t deny this, she’s a pretty thing. You never did like sharing your toys, but you mistreated this one and now she needs a new home,” Rio’s eyes light up as she watches every angry twitch on Agatha’s face. Agatha puts her foot down.

“I know I did, but that doesn’t mean you can too-“

Rios eyes widen, “Now now, who said I would mistreat her? No no no. I want her terribly. I want someone a little more malleable. Someone I don’t have to worry will trade me for silly magic tricks.” She takes turns her back to Agatha.

“Don’t you turn your back on me! You’re such a child Rio. Don’t act like you weren’t gallivanting naked with young witches in the woods while we were still together!” Agatha groans in frustration as Rio walks away, “Hey, come back here!” Rio gives yet another cackle.

“You’re still invited to the wedding!” She calls back.

Agatha, disposed of her magic still, is forced to run to catch up. Just as she’s about to jump and tackle Rio, the other witch teleports back. Agatha is left huffing on the forest floor, spitting a stray leaf out.

***

Once enough time has passed, it never really was morning on the road, everyone continues the trek. Once again you find yourself at the back of the group, trailing behind everyone else. Everyone else but Rio and Agatha of course. The both of them cling to you like urchins. They aren’t actually touching you, but they’re a breath away each.

“So…” Agatha clears her throat, “haven’t been able to talk to you much since… you know. How have you been?” She hates that Rio had to be here too while this happens but it’s better to her to clear the awkward tension between you and her asap.

You sigh slightly, “not bad, um… how’s Señor Scratchy? I miss him.” Agatha gives you a soft smile despite the pang in her chest.

“Alive and well, still my little trouble bunny. I think he got it from you,” she says, tilting her head back and forth. You giggle and roll your eyes.

“Nope, all you. He’s your familiar after all. I’m glad he’s well. I’ll have to give him a treat if I see him again.” You offer it, an underlying sadness to your tone. Agatha picks it up immediately. You missed her too but would never admit it, after all you were the entranced one while you two were together.

“When. You’ll see him again…” she corrects, making you smile softly. The sight brings hope and warmth to Agatha’s chest. She looks at you, but she’s distracted by Rios maniacal face behind your head. Sensing it’s her turn to speak Rio seizes it.

“So… Y/n, you like animals? I happen to be able to turn into many, that’s my earth witch specialty right there,” Rio says cheerily. Her grin displays her pearly whites. You turn to her, making Agatha’s heart clench.

Your eyes light up, “really, wow. I personally work with herbs and plants more but that’s incredible. I do love animals, what kinds?” Agatha internally groans at having lost your attention so marvelously.

Rio beams with pride, “All kinds, but crows and wolves I’m particularly fond of.”

You ooh, “I love birds a lot.” You add, “maybe you could show me sometime?” Rio grabs your hand, making Agatha bristle, her hair practically standing up in outrage.

“Of course beautiful, it’s a date.” Your stomach does flips at the thought but you try not to read too far in it.

“Sure,” you chirp.

***

After another day of exhausting walking camp is set up again. Agatha cannot truly remember how long the trip was originally, but it seems about right. Much to Agatha’s surprise, you ask her to talk alone with you. Rio wants to join but she knows it would affect her chances with you.

You take a deep breath. This area of the road seems darker, but the magic lull does not cease.

“Agatha, may I ask you a question?” You start. She’s suspicious but nods. “If Rio was the one on your list, why did you bring me?” She shuffles, exhaling.

She knew she would have to tell you eventually… “well, I know there’s no excuse for allowing you to be in so much pain in Westview, but I felt awful. And Rio can be more manipulative than me. Don’t trust her too much. I know I couldn’t. But… I know you can’t trust me either. You’re a bright witch Y/n. As much as it kills me to admit it I truly am sorry. For what it’s worth I was having so much fun with you that I forgot you weren’t completely there.”

Her admittance was spur of the moment, but it made her feel better nonetheless. That may have been the first time she apologized in a very very long time. To her surprise you smile at her.

“That means a lot actually. And I kinda left you there for three years, so… I guess it’s safe to say you paid the price. Even?” You say, Agatha can’t honestly believe her luck tonight. She’s starting to think that genuine apologies are some sort of witch craft too.

“Thanks. Even.” She states, but she notices the frown on your face. You glance in the directions of the camp.

“Hey,” your brows furrow, “what do you mean I can’t trust Rio?” Agatha internally squeals at her luck.

“Well, Rio has been known to flaunt around the pilgrimage if you know what I mean. It’s half of the reason we broke it off,” she switches to a mumble, “the other half was me.” Your eyes widen.

“Oh…”

“Besides she’s using you to get back at me.” Agatha says too nonchalantly. Your eyes widen even more.

“What?” Your tone is angry. You kick yourself for getting too hopeful. Of course, they love each other still. How could you not realize. You’re just a stupid pawn. Again! “Oh…” you say dejected. Agatha was expecting to enjoy watching your relationship with Rio burn, but her stomach develops a pit.

“Well, hey now… I mean she was, b-but-“ Agatha would rather die than admit to you that it could be real.

“Let’s just go, we have a big day tomorrow. Just try not to fight each other too much.” It’s safe to say Agatha was in deeper shit now.

***

The journey continues and both Rio and Agatha have noticed you avoiding them the best you could.

“What did you tell her,” Rio grits and Agatha sighs.

She responds with, “the truth,” reluctantly. “That you were talking to her to get back at me.”

“Well did you tell her just that or the whole truth. Did you tell her of our feelings cause right now she’s all emo like the teenager,” Rio objects, her hands grabbing Agatha’s shoulders.

“I may have omitted that part yes,” she says unashamed (she was very shamed).

“Oh my god you don’t change do you! You always were so cryptic. It’s one of the reasons I love you but-“

“Love present tense?” Agatha interrupts. She’s internally freaking out a bit but she plays it off with a smirk and a teasing tone. “Oh that’s so sweet hun. Couldn’t get enough, could you.” Rio groans and rolls her eyes.

“Oh baby- one can hate and love,” Rio smirks.

Agatha’s about to give another witty reply when a scream breaks out in the distance. They know it’s you. They break into a run… well Agatha does. Rio teleports.

You’re on your elbows trying to get away from some sort of invisible force they can’t see. What they can see is an ugly gash on your arm.

Rio immediately calls upon some vines and they thrash around. Blindly hitting something

Agatha grabs a big stick and tosses it at the creature. She holds her breath, internally freaking out. She feels so helpless, the full effects of her being without magic getting to her. Thankfully the creature lets out a yelp.

You back up more, the invisible beast swipes at you again. Alice sends a protective shield over you, giving you enough time to get away. Right as the beast is (presumably) stunned, Rio stabs a sharp root right through it.

Everything stills. Agatha kicks it carefully and there isn’t a reaction.

Now that the coast is clear both Agatha and Rio focus back on you. Lilia is holding you. The gash doesn’t look too deep but you don’t look good. You feel the cold of the road run deep through your bones.

“Oh shit,” Agatha murmurs, kneeling down.

“Jen, tell me you can find something to help her. There’s mushrooms and roots up the wazoo!” Rio stresses, her arms flailing. Jen’s eyes search the ground for any herbs or mushrooms. As if the road felt like it’s done enough, Jen spots a cure.

“Agatha, Rio, I need two rocks, preferably one pretty big and one small without dirt on it,” she says, frantically de rooting the herbs. Rio looks around and spots a rock. She frantically tosses it to Agatha who barely catches it.

“Did you just throw a rock at me!” Agatha yells. She brings the rock to Jenn. Lilia had already given her the small one.

Rio runs her fingers through her hair. “Relax bitch, you just need to work on your hand-eye coordination!” She sneers. The volume makes you wince.

“Guys- if I die please don’t let your loud-ass bickering be the last thing I hear,” you speak weakly. Jen grinds the roots and herb into a paste, using the dew of a leaf to bind it. Agatha and Rio shut up, both a little embarrassed.

“I mean seriously you both still love each other.,” you add, hissing. Jen is applying the paste to the gash. It’s chilly, but healing. It’s magic of course so the healing process quickens. Jen smiles at her work. Both let out huffs and give one another a begrudgingly hopeful look.

“No,” Rio speaks, “We just both have our eye on the same thing.” You scoff, able to sit up.

You argue, “Are you kidding, I see the way you sneak glances at one another when the other doesn’t know they’re looking. The same thing is each other.” They mull over your response but Agatha sighs and looks down.

“Perhaps that is true…” she starts, “But Rio is right too, we both want you.” Your eyes widen.

“No, you’re using me. I just want you two to get along.” You rebut. You feel as if it would be too good to be true, but you did see that you were being used. You stand and wince. “The witches road is dangerous, it’s best to get these feelings out now when we may never be able to later.”

Rio crosses her arms defensively. “No, we really do like you, each other is debatable but you my dear are the poisoned apple of our eye.” You actually give a giggle.

“I’m flattered I suppose… but Rio, that’s the cheesiest thing you’ve said to me in the time I’ve known you.” Your laugh makes Rio want to escape, but she can’t resist the fact that it completed her in a sense.

“It was,” Agatha adds, “and yes you’re part of this.” She gives you a pointed look. You smile.

“So you both mean it? No witches tricks?” You double check. if you’re about to achieve your life long dream you better make sure you’re not getting punked.

“Yes,” they sigh, exasperated and in unison. You embrace them both, putting them eye to eye between your arms.

“Well thankfully I’m still here…” you turn to Jen, “thanks to you Jen. Glad I was able to grow those herbs in time.” There’s a certain pride in your voice.

“That was you?” Agatha says surprised. You nod.

“What can I say I’m an earth witch.” You curtesy goofily.

“All I can say is that I’m glad they’ll stop the bickering now,” Lilia adds. “You lovebirds have fun with all that messed up shit.”

“You mean Agatha?” Rio chuckles.

Agatha’s eyes widen, “Why you-“

“LADIES!” you but in. “Stop that. You like each other, remember that before I force you to hold hands the rest of the way.”

“Fine” they both huff. You smile. They’re a handful, but they’re now your handful.

[elliewick-47]

So I’ve been thinking after the trailer. If you think about the game, we meet Abby and don’t see her again until half the game is over. I’m assuming the show will be set up similarly despite some of the clips we’ve seen. It’s believable for almost anyone of any size to beat someone to death who is seemingly made defenseless. ( i.e like Ellie killing David). So Kaitlyn’s size wouldn’t really matter as much in that scene. That being said, when Abby wins the fight w Ellie in the theater, she only wins because of her sheer size and muscle. Ellie literally has all of her weapons and Abby has none. This leads me to think they are going to HAVE to do something w Kaitlyn’s stature whether it’s prosthetics…CGI (i hope not). But it’s very likely they could also be saving that scene and the rest of Abby’s story for season 3. Which would give Kaitlyn time to bulk a bit?

I also don’t want this to be taken as body shaming or a reason for people to hate on Kaitlyn. I think she’s an amazing actress. But, I also don’t like the idea of the erasure of someone w Abby’s body type out of something so mainstream. Not only that, Abby’s body is essential to her character. And Not in the way same way people complain about Ellie or Dina’s (show) looks. After her dad’s death she literally spends so much time working out, planning her revenge, that she can’t even love someone properly. She’s made herself into a literal tank capable of taking down Joel on her own if she had to. Tommy says a guy describes her as “built like an ox”. And when we see her again in Santa Barbara the striking difference between her once ox like build to the emaciated person we saw hanging on the pillars….. that scene will not have the same impact. Also, it’s just like why go out of your way to design Abby’s body like that and integrate its representation into her story if it’s not relevant? I don’t (can’t) think they would do some crazy shit like that.

So here’s to our buff muscle mommy queen and hoping she’s repped in season 3. Long may she reign 🐺

[girlcrushart]

I was admittedly disappointed when Chappell decided not to endorse Kamala. And a lot of people are, and they're being vocal and honestly nasty about it. I do think it's of paramount importance that she win, because if the other guy gets in, then a lot of the things Chappell is passionate about (from drag to basic human rights for the LGBTQ+ community) are in serious jeopardy. And, as a Canadian, who can't vote in this election, but who's life will unquestionably be effected by who becomes the next President, I get upset when people don't take the right they've been given seriously. That's where the hate that Chappell has received is confusing and obnoxious, because even tho her motivations are really obvious to me, people really seem to have missed the boat on this one. Right away, people accused her of "both-siding" it, when she said that there are bad people on both sides. That's not both-siding it, you guys. That's when you say there are very fine people on both sides and one side is Nazis. That's not what she was saying. Honestly, there ARE bad people on both sides. People also accused her of doing it because she didn't want to lose fans, or upset her family or whatever... those people are also confused. You really think Chappell has a lot of red-hat-wearing fans? You really think she cares at all about that? She had to clarify today that she is not voting for Trump, and while she didn't say who she was voting for she def kinda implied that she's basically not happy with either choice for some real reasons. Chappell has made it very clear in the past that she is unhappy with her government's position and involvement on what's happening in Gaza and that they are complicit in aiding and supporting a genocide. That's what she means by bad people. Genocide is bad, you guys. She doesn't want to enthusiastically support and endorse people who, while they may fight for things that are important to her that she believes in, are also contributing to something she believes to be inexcusable. And I think she's brave for sticking to that. For me, personally, I'd prefer it if she endorsed Kamala and helped ensure she ends up in charge—that would be best for me. But Chappell has already made it very clear that she's not gonna just do things because other people expect her to because she's a celebrity and there are unwritten rules that need to be followed. She's challenging so many of those rules (and I applaud and love her for it), and in this case, for her personally, she didn't feel like she could officially endorse anyone and she has perfectly reasonable reasons for doing that. I'm sad, I wish she'd do otherwise, but my admiration for her has only increased because she's clearly a deep thinker who does not make decisions lightly and is sticking to her values and beliefs. Today's girlcrushart guardian is Chappell Roan.

[spywhitney]

How I sleep knowing I'll never trust anyone that hates Sydney but worships Richie:

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

the more photos of Sophie T I see the more I understand why she’s so beloved in the fandom. she’s just a whole fucking mood. like

first one she’s completely dead pan doing a perfect thumbs up

second one she’s doing an exaggerated stereotypical Italian hand gesture

and in the third one she’s just fully stanced up with her fucking coffee. what an icon.

[slutdge]

Not to get deep here or anything but i really think i dont want to have a relationship with my sister anymore and ive been reflecting on that a lot. like sure she didnt abuse me or really do anything to directly traumatize me, but she voted against me having human rights because im queer, as well as voting for a party that wants to harm first nations people despite both of us being first nations i just.... i dont think i can forgive her for that. weve had laughs and good times together but i find myself unable to forgive her for her politics. i wouldn't tolerate bigotry from anyone else, i shouldnt tolerate it from someone just cause theyre family.

[torybrennan]

show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw