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beatsboy · 3 months ago

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7.28.24 / day 35 of romanticizing my life until i love myself again

it’s almost 2am, i woke up about an hour ago from a 5 hour “nap” after going to a queer day market to support my friend selling their art, and it was really cute and i was honestly super social as i have not had that much social interaction lately (getting used to living alone and having to actively go out and seek social interaction has changed my capacity when i do have it so much, like crazy not feeling drained every time i leave the house because i’ve already been like 5 people’s father/therapist/cleaner/etc before getting to the place i’m going to be supportive/present for someone else) but god damn it was so f u c k i n g hot and tbh i’m very proud of myself for making it as long as i did i only made it thanks to the ice cream vender who put my ice pack necklace (shoutout to my mom who has these for menopause and told me about them) in her cooler so it could get cold again and the lemonade vender who gave me a giant cup of ice to hold against various parts of my body to stay cool af and i got to talk about the music video, and future music videos, the more we talk about this stuff, the more motivated i feel to work on music i want to get to the part where i get to be the thing i’ve been building mostly in my brain for so long

originally, we were going for summer release, and then everything got all fucked up with my roommate situation and moving but i think it was meant to happen this way; this project is better suited for the fall, regardless, and clearly brat has taken over this summer in terms of music, on all levels, especially in the hyperpop scene there are still brat parties going on in la, smaller artists are still reaping the benefits of this album (though not getting much credit, as per usual) love seeing the dare dj a petal supply remix of a brat song and getting all the credit, it’s fine we can continue letting cis white dudes get the credit for queer artists, it’s fine i was literally at a brat market today, where everyone had brat merchandise it’s hard for any other music to break through the brat noise in pop/hyperpop right now, not to mention, boypop is kind of fucking freaky, so i do think sept/oct release would be good for the theme

i rewatch the assembly of the first minute or so of footage and literally cannot believe that that is me these are the movements i practice in the shower, in the corner, in my room, when no one’s looking, movements, expressions, i rarely actually see and the thing is, when i do see, i often shrink from them when i tried to practice performing like this in front of a mirror, i always lost it, the authenticity of it, the commitment, giving fully into the performance, the character, the self that’s the only way, in my opinion, to perform, because any level of restraint pulls you back to reality, that i am just a human, an insecure boy, going through puberty for the second time in his life of 27 years, afraid that he hasn’t done enough in his short time on this earth and wishes he’d taken a life-altering journey to a faraway planet where pop music was the harbinger of liberation instead of a stint in rehab and a coke addiction

anyway, market was fun, although so so hot, and after not going out all weekend, especially after thinking i was going to go to the rave on friday night and not, i really needed some socialization, with friends, and new people, and really needed some real time spent out of my apartment i got a really cute trucker hat that says “gay son” that i’m obsessed with and a really beautiful zine made by a trans guy about his gender journey (originally to raise money for his top surgery, which he had evidently already had, as he was standing there, fearlessly, with his shirt off) i honestly didn’t want to spend another $10 (i literally still have to make my rent in the next 3 days but telling myself i got this) but i think i just feel this intense awe when i see other trans guys post op shirtless, so free in a way i cannot imagine being so, naturally, i was blinded and overcome with this feeling, so i paid the $10 for the zine, and of course i do not regret it at all another vender had a kitten cafe with two 2 week old kittens inside (pictured) because they were too young to be left alone and while i was worried about them and the heat, they were quite cute

after being at the market for over 4 hours, af and i came back to my place, where i made us greek wraps with ground turkey and homemade tzatziki and cucumbers after we walked to h mart to get fresh tortillas i showed them the latest version of “boypop” which is so close i can taste the final mix (and am a bit mad i didn’t work on it today, but it’s fine, i was exhausted) they noticed the automation, the changes i’ve been making, i feel like i’ve actually been moving forward in my work this past week instead of just hyperfixating and going in circles, which is a danger i face in the finishing phase it’s hard to let go of a project, to let it be done i still listen to “king” and think of different harmonies i could record now with my current voice and i can sing whatever i want live, but the recording is done, the mix is done, there are no more changes to be made

i think, in the same way that i love people for their potential, and not always for who they are right now, i see a song as it’s potential, which is why i can imagine so much more than what is actually in front of me, and translate that symphony in my head into the daw, and i also why it’s so hard to let go, to stop, to step away from the infinity of changes and evolutions each project could still face sometimes it feels like i could just work on something forever and as i learn new things it will keep getting better and better, but at some point, i just have to let go

when i was a kid, my dad told me that an artist’s first album is always the best because it’s the cumulation of only their best works at the time, but then they just have to keep creating and they slowly get worse and worse i don’t know why i let this stick with me, more insidious influence from my father on a career i hadn’t even chosen when i knew him, it was just some dumb musing from a middle-aged man making himself feel smart by making a comment about maroon fucking 5

his birthday was 2 weeks ago i wonder if it makes him sad, on his birthday, at the age of 66, knowing he’s grown to be the kind of man who would offer back his relationship to his child, who has grown to hate him more than he hates himself, at a price, who has grown to be a man who can put a price tag on anything, even his love and support knowing he is one of the only people left in this planet, soon including even TSA agents and the DMV, to call me that name to wonder if i will ever come back, if i will ever call, if i will ever reach out, if i will ever show up and say i’m sorry dad you were right all along i got off the path and i sold my body and i want to go back to my normal life with a check for $5000, crying, and return to his control (i won’t) he tells my brother that it’s on me, ball’s in my court, if i want to come back that’s all i have to do, say sorry and pay the fine my terms have always been more simple, which i have communicated let’s talk, with a therapist present you two (parents) schedule (since they have crazy schedules) and i will be flexible (even though i too have crazy schedule) “he said he’s willing” my mother claimed, but it never came to fruition, of course not i blocked his number at first, i had to he wouldn’t stop calling, threatening me, telling me i’d made my mother sick with my behavior (becoming financially independent after realizing i was being financially/emotionally abused) i responded to his emails for a while, but they got worse, so i stopped then, his dad died, and i unblocked him just to call and give my condolences i left him unblocked after that. he could have called any time he wanted, but he didn’t i would know if he’d even tried

i wonder if my dad, too, ever sat alone in his first solo apartment journaling about his thoughts and reflecting on the ways his actions impacted other people mostly i hope not, because i don’t want to know if he did good things before he went bad, i want his fate to feel impossible for me to come to i already know that he read the tao te ching and the four agreements, things i’ve read as a young adult, that have brought me peace, that have taught me ways to move through the world, that don’t make sense when i think of him, and it makes me uneasy i don’t want to envision him being a morally good person and suddenly turning it makes me fear that i could still face the turn, when i want to believe that i have avoided it, that i am not capable of becoming a man like That

but, in truth, we are all capable of becoming like that, of selling out to some idea worse than what we believe in because it’s easy, because what we’re doing now is hard, because the rat race is tiring on the ground because our bodies are tired because maybe our fathers were right and the world’s a hard place and maybe i won’t because i know he wasn’t right, he never was, he was a professional bully who practiced on his wife and children but it is in every decision we make, daily, hourly, minute by minute, that determines who we are, and in ever decision, we can make the turn, we can cave and be cruel, we can give in and take the easy route, knowing that each of those decisions pulls us closer to That which we fear becoming the evil you fear lies as much in buying all your furniture on amazon as it does saying something cruel to someone who doesn’t deserve it just because you’ve had a stressful morning as much as the goodness you chase lives in being friendly to the coffee employee who’s taking forever on your drink when you’re late because it’s not their fault and their morning is just as important as yours as much as it lives in buying from local artists every decision determines how you move through the world, connecting each step and choice like a river, that is where you find where you’ll end up, which ocean you end up submerged in, which fish you will find yourself swimming into the dark night with and i crave free, calm waters for when i my end

#7.29.24 #day 35 #everything is romantic #deardiary #online diary #photo journal #online journal

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chenziee · 1 year ago

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If I change the whole world (I can protect you)

Written for the Growing Pains anthology! It's a digital and completely free zine and you can download the whole thing here! Check it out, it came out so good ;__; Full of little traumatised OP babies!

I am so grateful I got write Uta & Luffy for this <3 I love her and I love them and in this essay, I will--

[ Read on AO3 ]

—————

“U-T-A! U-T-A! U-T-A!”

The crowds cheered, their deafening voices echoing in the backstage and shaking the whole room. The music hadn't even started and yet, the vibrations were already resonating through Uta’s body, making her heartbeat speed up as she listened to the excitement just outside.

Soon, she would be standing on the stage, facing all those people, seeing them directly for the first time; it was exciting… yet terrifying at the same time. It had been so long since she had performed in front of so many people.

Eleven years? Twelve? She wasn’t even sure anymore.

But now, she would get to do so as much as she wanted to—as much as her fans wanted her to. She loved them enough to push herself beyond her limits. To protect them, to help them escape this rotten world for just a moment longer.

—————

Uta loved Dawn Island. Out of all the temporary bases the Red Hair Pirates have made over the years, this one was definitely her favourite. It was calm, the shore was pretty, the Foosha Village was almost picturesque with its windmills and Mt. Corvo behind it, and she loved the kind tavern owner Makino. Surprisingly, the villagers were unexpectedly welcoming of the big bad pirates as well, throwing parties for them after every raid they made—to be fair, it was probably in part thanks to Shanks always giving them a part of the treasure ‘because he’s nice like that’.

Uta preferred to call it bribery but as long as it allowed them to stay there in peace, she supposed the name didn’t really matter.

The only bad part was—

“Shanks!! Let me join your crew!!”

—this brat.

“Luffy, how many times do we have to tell you no?” Uta asked, not even bothering to suppress the annoyance in her tone.

Luffy paused where he was tugging at Shanks’ arm to try and get him to pay attention; instead, he slowly turned to look at Uta. “As if I’d listen to a kid like you!” he announced, then stuck his tongue out at her.

Uta took a deep breath, counting to five before she hissed, “I don’t want to be called a kid by a baby.”

“You’re just two years older than me!” Luffy cried. Then, finally, he let go of Shanks’ arm to jump down to the floor and stride over to stand next to Uta.

Or below her, considering how tall the bar stool she was sitting on was compared to his short, child’s body.

“Yes. And that’s exactly why you are more of a baby than me,” Uta noted, her lips curling into a smirk as she looked down at Luffy. “And why you’ve lost to me 347 times.”

Luffy puffed up. “I’m the one who beat you 347 times!! Even though you keep cheating!”

“I’m a pirate. There’s no such thing as cheating.” Uta shrugged and this time, it was her turn to grin as she raised both her hands up to her face, wiggling her fingers at Luffy. “There he goes! Sore loser.”

“Uta~,” Luffy whined, glaring at her with a huge pout on his lips.

“Uta, Luffy. Don’t fight,” Makino tried to placate them but to no avail.

Luffy put one hand on his hip, pointing at Uta with the other. “Fine! I challenge you to a match!”

“So you can lose again? Sure,” Uta said casually before she easily jumped off her stool. “What are the rules?”

Luffy crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes as he hummed, his face twisting into a deep frown as he thought hard. Uta could swear there was steam rising from his head and she had to bite her cheek to keep herself from giggling at the sight.

Finally, Luffy’s eyes snapped open and his face split into a wide smile. “We’ll have a singing contest!”

Uta blinked. Did he really just—

“Is that a joke?!” Uta cried with wide eyes, staring at Luffy as if he just spoke the words that would bring down the sun upon them and destroy the world.

Actually, he might as well have.

“Shanks, did you let him drink your sake?! Or did he go insane all by himself?!” Uta accused, pointing at Luffy while she turned to her captain to demand answers.

Shanks, however, only laughed. “I can’t wait! Dibs on first row seats!”

“Hey, boss! No fair!” Roux called from the back of the tavern.

Uta clicked her tongue. “You really want him to burst your eardrums from up close?” she scoffed before turning back to Luffy. He was still standing there, positively beaming at her with a proud look in his eyes and Uta sighed. “You do realise I'm the Red Hair Pirates’ musician, right?” she asked, just to make sure Luffy didn’t hit his head and lose his memory or… something. Because this was nothing short of stupid, even for him.

“Yeah!” The idiot nodded with that annoying bright grin. “Are you scared, Uta?”

“Excuse me?” Uta’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re on, you brat.”

Taking that as a cue, the Red Hair Pirates got up as one, clearing the tavern of chairs and tables to create Uta’s very own stage. Allowing her to spread her wings, to make her stage into whatever she wished. To show everyone her world, painting the floor, walls, and ceiling with her words, building props with musical notes—creating a world for herself… and for everyone she loved.

And Uta… sang.

She sang, the words flowing out of her mouth, her chest, her heart. She sang, letting the music envelop her, to dance around her as she commanded. She sang, guiding everyone around her to join her in her world. The stage was hers and she was the stage; they were one, always would be, and she hoped that one day, she could lead everyone to this place, to show them how beautiful the world inside her songs could be.

She sang until she felt the exhaustion pulling on her and her eyelids started feeling heavy. She wanted to go on but since this was a contest… a little taste was enough to show how superior she was to—it wasn’t even enough to call Luffy an amateur. A joke, more like.

As the last note faded out and the song came to a close, Uta closed her eyes momentarily, taking a deep breath before she looked around herself to take in the faces of everyone who had watched her performance. A wide smile pulled on her lips at the sight of everyone’s dazed expressions turning into ones of excitement as they cheered loudly, a round of applause soon erupting around the tavern.

Uta giggled to herself, spreading her arms wide as she spinned around before bowing to everyone deeply.

However, the calls for an encore were cut short when Luffy jumped up, his fists raised up in the air, and he called, “My turn now!!”

Rolling her eyes, Uta backed away from the centre of the tavern to make room for the boy who was already running over to take her place, undescribable excitement in his impossibly bright grin. He took the stage and inhaled deeply.

“The islands~ in the south~ are warm~”

“Oh god,” Uta let out immediately, at the same time as her hands flew up to cover her ears and protect her from the horribly off-key screeching.

“Heads all a-swoon-swoon~”

“Make him stop!” she cried desperately.

Unfortunately, he didn’t stop as the other Red Hair Pirates simply laughed and clapped, some even slapping their knees in a fit of hysterics. Uta had no idea how they could find this… atrocity funny but she sure as hell wasn’t going to stay to try and understand it.

“They’re all fools~!”

Hands still on her ears, she bolted out of her chair and out of the tavern, running far enough to get out of earshot—and even then, she could do nothing but drop to her knees, her hands never falling to her sides; she just continued clutching at her head in a vain attempt to get rid of the dreadful echo ringing in her brain.

It was only minutes later that a large, comforting hand came to rest on her shoulder and Benn Beckman’s deep, soothing voice asked, “You okay?”

“No,” Uta replied, her fingers curling in to grab onto her two-coloured hair.

“I suppose Luffy won in a way, huh?” Benn said, barely suppressed laughter in his voice.

Uta only groaned and gripped her hair tighter.

—————

“Uta, come on! You’re gonna get lost!” Luffy called triumphantly as he charged forward, sprinting through the forest behind Foosha Village.

“Excuse me?!” Uta cried. How dare this brat suggest she’d get lost?

Gritting her teeth, Uta picked up speed. It didn't take her long to catch up to Luffy; she threw a smirk at him as she overtook him, taking his place in the lead. “Right back at you! See if you can catch me before I get to the cliff!”

“Loser has to tell everyone the winner is a better pirate!” Luffy announced.

“Sounds good to me!” Uta agreed, a new wave of determination coursing through her veins.

As she weaved her way through the trees, she stopped paying attention to her surroundings. She simply focused on her goal and on her feet, dancing over the roots and rocks as to avoid tripping and giving Luffy an advantage. She felt light, almost as if she was flying, the swishing of the wind around her headphones only enhancing the impression. A grin was pulling on her lips and she almost startled; was she… actually having fun? With Luffy?

“Uta!!”

At the alarmed shout of her name, Uta’s eyes snapped up from the ground only for her to come face to face with a man—a tall, muscular man, dirty and ugly, but carrying more weapons than any of the Red Hair Pirates ever did. Because none of them are weak enough to need ten guns and twenty knives, her mind readily supplied… but that didn’t change the fact she was 9 years old, unarmed beyond her voice with no one but Luffy to help her and she wasn’t stupid enough to think they stood a chance.

She froze, her heartbeat speeding up as her eyes went wide while she stared at the man, who she could only assume was a mountain bandit. He was staring back at her without moving—obviously just as surprised to run into two little kids as they were to run into him—and Uta prayed he would let them leave without a fuss. After all, they had nothing but their clothes on them, there was nothing to gain.

But of course, Luffy, the idiot, had to go and throw that chance out the window himself. “What do you want, bandit?!” he shouted at the man in a shaky voice. “Leave Uta alone or I’ll beat you up!!”

If Uta wasn’t so scared, she’d have groaned and face-palmed but as it was she could barely just force herself out of her stupor to move. She gulped loudly before she took a deep breath—and bolted, crossing the small distance that separated her from Luffy to catch his wrist in a vice grip.

“Run!!” she yelled while she yanked on his arm.

They didn’t make it further than a few paces before they noticed something charging at them and Uta threw herself to the side, dragging Luffy with her; just in time to avoid being run into the ground by two… children?

“Sabo, hurry up or the hag will catch us!” a boy’s voice shouted impatiently.

“I know,” another boy replied just as he slid on the ground right by Uta, missing her by apparently carefully calculated inches. “Wait, Ace! Bandit ahead!”

“Oh, you two—! I’m taking you to boss Higuma for what you did last time!” the bandit Uta and Luffy had been running from growled as he pulled one of his larger guns from behind his belt, taking aim.

And then, Uta could only watch with wide eyes as the two boys—neither much older than herself—exchanged a single glance before they moved in perfect sync, using the pipes in their hands to knock the giant man to the ground, rendering him unconscious and swiping a few knives on their way. They made it seem so easy that Uta felt like her jaw had hit the floor. She would have expected no less from her family but two young boys like this… It was almost enchanting.

“Out of the way, asshole,” the dark-haired one muttered before he took off again.

On the other hand, the blond stopped for a moment, a confident, easy smile on his lips as he glanced at the bandit… then at Luffy and Uta.

Before either of them could say or do anything, an angry female voice carried over to them. “Ace!! Get back here you shitty little brat!!”

Somehow, the boy’s smile only widened. “See ya!” he called… and then he was gone, leaving Uta to wonder to whom exactly the words were addressed.

Uta and Luffy sat there in stunned silence for a few more minutes as they gathered themselves enough to finally run away before the bandit woke up and decided he’d take his anger out on them.

By the time they made it to the shore, neither Uta nor Luffy remembered there was a race—nevermind what they were racing over. They were just glad to be out of the forest, gasping for breath, laughter on their lips from the relief that washed over them as soon as the sea came into view.

“I could have beat him too,” Luffy said defiantly after a long while of them simply lying on the grass.

Uta rolled her eyes. “Sure you could.”

“Just you watch! One day, I will be the strongest thing on this island—no, in this sea!” Luffy announced, and Uta could basically hear the pout on his lips.

With a small huff, Uta’s lips curled into a crooked smile. “And what then, Mr Strongest?”

Luffy hummed. “Then I'll become a pirate and leave this island and become the strongest!”

“Weren’t you trying to leave with us?” Uta asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, that’s what I was saying,” Luffy announced as if it were obvious and Uta…

Uta couldn’t fight back the laugh that bubbled out of her chest.

This brat just cowered and almost cried in the face of one bandit and he was already talking about becoming the strongest in the East Blue before the Red Hair Pirates left? How cute… and hilarious. How long did he think that was going to take? A week? A month? It wasn’t like they were going to stick around for ten years or more.

Suddenly, Uta stopped laughing.

They were going to leave this island for good soon, weren’t they? She should be happy about finally being rid of Luffy… But somehow…

She couldn’t even remember what life was like without his annoying laughter and stupid bright grins and cries of ‘Shanks! Lemme onto the ship!! I wanna be a pirate!!’

…actually, how did she even for a second think she was going to miss him?

“You really are a kid,” Uta said instead of voicing her thoughts.

“Hey!” Luffy cried immediately, rising on his elbows to glare down at Uta, who only stared back at him impassively until Luffy’s face twisted in frustration over her lack of reaction and he threw himself back to the ground next to her. “What about you? Don’t you want to beat all the stupid bandits up?”

“I’m a musician,” Uta replied simply. “I will use my voice, not violence like a stupid monkey.”

“Okay but is your voice going to protect you or the people you love when someone comes at you with a gun?” Luffy asked with genuine confusion.

Uta laughed, the sound a happy chime around them. She could almost see the musical notes dancing in the air. “Music is my power. I can bring a new genesis with my voice and I don’t need any help. No bandits can stand up to me.”

“And yet you ran away screaming,” Luffy piped up.

“Hey!”

—————

Uta smiled at the memory; it had been so many years and yet, she could still see the scene as if it were yesterday. She wondered—where was Luffy now? Was he still on Dawn Island? She would bet he really was the strongest one there by now.

She shook her head, trying to get rid of her thoughts. It wouldn’t do to get nostalgic now. She had a job to do, songs to sing, fans to meet. A world to change. She couldn’t get lost in the memories of her carefree childhood and long for the simpler, easier times when she had not a single worry in the world.

Taking a deep breath, Uta closed her eyes, ignoring the painful pang next to her heart.

Luffy, are you watching? Though it doesn’t really matter. Not anymore.

With a final, slow exhale, Uta opened her eyes and took a step forward, one last whisper lingering in the backstage before her singing voice drowned it out.

“A new genesis is the future.”

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professorcinnamonroll · 2 years ago

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So.... it’s been a while

Hello, So it’s been a really long hot minute huh? Well from Twitter losing it’s marbles and just missing the formatting and userbase of tumblr, I decided it was time to come back. I made a few posts regarding the zines I was in, but I have many things to share : ) Let’s start from the beginning TL;DR: I moved to twitter when I hopped onto the Spamton train, but by doing that I went through a mental health journey that resulted in creating OCs and an entire universe with new friends. The long story is under the cut. To those who don’t want to know the details, Thank you for being so patient and still following me. I love and miss you all and I want to get back to posting content here : )

So back in Nov/Dec of 2021, I got into a new fandom. For most of 2020 and 2021, I was going through a massive artistic slump. Sure I had fandom spikes here and there with the likes of Smile for Me, RE8, and The Walten Files, but nothing hit me in the core like DR and Spamton did. It took me back to a time when I really got hardcore into fandom content in 2015 with Gravity Falls and Stanchez. Spamton was essentially the Stan type that I had been looking for and really made art for again. And really he was more at home on Twitter than Tumblr, so I shifted my focus there. Then came the inspiration. I was over come with so many ideas that I was able to think up more original ideas for myself. It all started with a tweet. I made a tweet wanting a more mature retelling of Beauty and the Beast where the main character was a single parent and the Beast wasn’t a beautiful, but unkind prince, but a magical human who earned his way into being cursed by holding on to his toxic traits instead of growing. This took up a huge space of my creativity and to this day I am still building ideas for them and the world they belong to. Lou Flores and Marv Gillespie will be posted here eventually don’t you worry : 3 Now for the personal life. So this entire pandemic it was mostly me at home and only going to work. I never saw friends nor family. However, there has been some amazing news this year and late last year. I finally met my boyfriend @laser-rabbit!! We have met up a few times actually and he just left after visiting me. As well as we are now part of a polycule : 3 We introduced another lovely person into our lives and they have sparked my creativity in ways I didn’t think were possible. Their name on tumblr is @harvest-honeymoon and they are so talented, please go check out their stuff <3 So yeah the point is twitter is becoming ever more a trashfire, I miss everyone, and I want to bring my OC and new fandom content back to here where the journey started. I hope to see you guys again very soon. Love you <3

#update #back to tumblr #mehwin speaks

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their-destinys-writer · 2 years ago

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I posted 122 times in 2022

That's 103 more posts than 2021!

17 posts created (14%)

105 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@buggachat

@frostedpuffs

@zoe-oneesama

@carpisuns

@overworkedunderwhelmed

I tagged 110 of my posts in 2022

Only 10% of my posts had no tags

#miraculous ladybug - 49 posts

#ml - 22 posts

#bakery enemies au - 14 posts

#marichat - 13 posts

#writing - 11 posts

#ml spoilers - 9 posts

#fanfic - 8 posts

#scarlet lady au - 7 posts

#adrinette - 7 posts

#miraculous - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 94 characters

#i hate been so busy that i had to get through the entire work day to finally watch the episode

My Top Posts in 2022:

Exaltation literally revived me. I am literally sitting in front of my computer, furiously writing. I’ll be damned if I don’t have at least 90% of this chapter done!

18 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

“Yes!” Ladybug punched the air. “We still have ten minutes left!”

Chat Noir landed behind her, barely catching his breath.

“We missed a whole block back there,” he panted.

“We did?”

“Uuugh, we need to go back.” Chat Noir threw his head back as he said it. “I don’t wanna.”

“Wait!” Ladybug had grabbed his tail, right as he had turned around to take a running jump.

Chat Noir looked over his shoulder, giving her a stare that sent goosebumps down her spine. She bit her lip, trying to think of a justification for her decision, but couldn’t find one.

“Let’s stay,” Ladybug resolved to say. The truth was easier anyway. “I don’t care right now. Paris will survive one night we don’t do a full sweep of the city. I wanna rest. With you.”

Chapter 6 of Rattled is up. Check out my contribution for the @mlbigbang, updated every Saturday.

20 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

I have so many questions about the trailer. Like, is Master Fu DEAD? Did she just find the earrings on the FLOOR? Why does the yoyo have a mind of its own? How does it fly? Did they just break a centuries old window?

25 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

You are the Music in Me: Lukanette Fan Zine

We can finally share our pieces! The Lukanette Fan Zine has finally been shipped and we are allowed to share our pieces. I had the honor to write a story in art collaboration with the awesome @edendaphne, who made gorgeous artwork depicting a scene from it. Show her some love! And thank you to the team behind @youarethemusicinme-lukanette for letting me be a part of it. Enjoy some Lukanette goodness!

Wedding Magic

No one said seeing Luka in a well-tailored tux would make life—and a confession—so much harder than it already was. But alas, there Marinette was, doing her best to not drool on her own sparkly Maid of Honor dress. Just as she let out another wistful sigh, said man tucked a stray hair behind his ear.

Oh yeah, because the handsome suit wasn’t enough, he also had his hair slicked back. For the first time in his life, according to Juleka.

The sigh turned into a noise more akin to a whimper. When did Luka become so handsome? How long had she been away for? How long had she been fantasizing with confessing her feelings for him, that he suddenly seemed ten times more attractive?

“You’re doing it again,” a voice sang next to her.

“I can’t help it,” Marinette whined, turning to Rose. “I’ve never seen him like this before. He looks so good. And the way he’s laughing…” Her eyes turned soft. “I’ve never seen him so happy.”

“He better be,” Rose laughed. “He would be a terrible Best Man if he wasn’t happy for his own sister.”

“That would make him a terrible brother,” Marinette agreed, gaze still locked on those irresistible silky strands that made her want to brush her fingers through it.

“Marinetteeee,” Rose sang again.

The lovestruck woman whimpered once more. “I need a distraction. Yup, that’s what I need.”

Marinette pushed her way through the crowd until finding a waiter carrying glasses of wine. She grabbed one and made a round around the room, stopping to chit-chat with several old classmates.

But in less than ten minutes, she was already back merely three meters away from the Best Man. She watched for a moment, as Luka laughed at something Mylène had said. Marinette let out a resigned sigh, ready to give up and leave it for another time. Yet, just as she was turning, Mylène left her spot, leaving Luka on his own.

This was it. It was the perfect moment. Marinette stood straight, squaring her shoulders, chin up high. A deep breath filled her lungs, giving her the needed confidence to take large strides to him.

“Luka, I—”

Marinette slipped on the skirt of a table, tripping her enough to spill some of her wine on the very man she was calling. Her eyes almost shot out of her eyes, as the shirt and vest of the gorgeous suit became tainted in plum.

“Marinette, are you okay?” Luka asked, his hands holding her elbows.

“Your suit,” she breathed.

“My suit is fine,” he insisted, attempting to catch her gaze, which was focused on his chest. “I’m more worried about you. Do you need anything?”

“I-I…” Marinette sighed in resignation, all confidence gone. “I’m fine. Let me help you with that.”

She lightly pulled on his arm to lead him to the doors next to the bar, into the kitchen. Once inside, Marinette sought out the first aid kit her parents always took to events they catered. Something they had learned to do after one too many accidents that ended with several scrapes on Marinette’s knees.

“I’m not hurt,” Luka said, brows furrowed.

“It’s for the shirt,” Marinette clarified. “I can mix this with dish soap to clean it up.”

She took out a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, along with a teacup, a spoon, and the soap. As she did a small chemistry experiment, her eyes remained focused, refusing to look at the object of her current embarrassment.

“Marinette,” Luka said quietly, lightly touching the hand that was furiously mixing the ingredients, making it stop. “I know I never ask you to tell me what’s wrong, but I can’t help but feel this is about me.”

Her lips pressed together. How is he always so perceptive, she thought. Shoulders slumping, Marinette let go of the spoon.

“I was gonna talk to you about something. But I lost my nerve,” she admitted. “And now I can’t find it again.” The hand that was on the spoon moved to pick up a cloth napkin instead, and dip it in the mixture. “This should help with the shirt.”

When Marinette was about to start scrubbing away the stain, Luka’s hand was back on hers, this time with more strength. As she looked up, she was startled to see how close he was. So close, she could make out the light pink color on his cheeks.

“You know you can trust me with anything, right?” he said, with a husky voice she had never heard come from him.

See the full post

249 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You know what the craziest part of Elation is? Suddenly, a whole lot of the people I have been following for years, who had moved on to other fandoms, suddenly just showed back up. Screaming Marichat at the top of their lungs.

265 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #anybody else notice how I barely started being active again this year?#also I'm surprised I posted that much writing #here's to a more active year in 2023

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undeniablyares · 5 months ago

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•°Sorry if this message sounds rude for a min, but when will the next fanfic for Demon Days? I'm not trying to rush you but I'm wondering when the next fic will be. I love your 1st and 2nd work of Demon Days, and I hope to see more of those pairs in your future fics of Demon Days°•

Oh, it's okay to wonder and check in like this! I promise I'm not put off with your ask or feel pressured to write. It's alright, and I'm very happy to hear that you enjoyed the first two stories in the series. I'm proud of what I've written and mapped out so far with regards to everything, but there is a bit of negative history behind the first fic in the series that often makes me hesitant to keep working on it.

While it was originally my idea and I had been mapping and planning things out with all the different pairings, plot, and demon depictions of the Hashira, I invited someone else to write part of that first chapter with me, and we've since had a falling out. Though I wrote most of the first story and all of the second one on my own, sometimes my emotions get in the way of letting me peacefully continue writing this one. Don't worry, though. I'm stubborn as hell, and like I said, it was my idea originally and I had tons of plot mapped out for this one. I'm not about to let anyone else dissuade me from telling my stories, so I'm definitely planning to continue the story once I'm feeling up to it.

I'm fairly certain I'm going to rework and rewrite the parts of that first story that I let my ex write before just so I can feel better about continuing the story on my own, since he's removed himself as a creator. Once the first story rewrite is finished, I'll continue with the third story. Next up was supposed to be demon Sanemi on Kokushibo, with a little bit of AkaRen sprinkled in there, I just wish I had a more solid timeline of when that's coming for you. I'm currently putting all my effort into finishing my piece for the upcoming Kizuki Zine, but after that, I may tidy up some shorter WIPs and then get back into Demon Days. I think it's been a long enough break.

Thank you again for the kind words, support, and ask, my friend. I promise I'll do my best to make the next chapter as interesting and sexy to read as the first two. <3

#demon slayer fanfic #smut #fanfic #kny fanfic #wip updates #ask ares #ao3 writer #fanfiction

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eirasummersart · 9 months ago

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hello :D i come with asks from different ask games that you reblogged hehe always late sowwy. these are for you! i'll send some for your oc's in 2 other asks (sowwy x2 for the spam). || valentines day: preference, blush || weirdly specific artist ask game: 3, 4, 14, 28 and 30

Hello, An! Thanks for the asks! I'll get to answering the others after this one! Now let's go for these answering as myself hahah

I'll add the links before the answers related to it start, since they're from 2 different ones!

Valentine's days ask.

preference: sexuality? what’s your ‘type’? Well, for the people who don't know yet, I'm aroace hahah I've always just been ??? about irl romance xD As for my type, can't say about irl preferences, since see above. But my types in media are usually kind/nice in some way (gap moe works well with me in this sense, with cold/grumpy who is actually sweet. But also just plain old kind and sweet). And also prince/ss-ish elegant and pretty I also like. But I feel like my type is all over the place sometimes hahah Ah, and I don't really care about their gender tbh.

blush: what could someone do this valentine’s to make you feel special?

Eh, not sure. I never did anything for Valentine's Day in a romantic context. I guess showing their appreciation and having a sweet gesture towards me would be enough? Just knowing they care and view me in a special way. I don't need anything fancy, really ahah I'm a simple person(?) (in this sense XD)

These two are strangely much more embarrassing to talk about than the earlier ask saklfhsakl

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game.

What ideas come from when you were little

Not sure if it means past projects that survived to this day, or just general motifs/parts of my artstyle that have made it to my present. If it's about past projects… none really, all my past OCs and stories have died some way or another 😔 My oldest OC right now, Diana, I plan to use in my new project as a supporting character, so maybe her! As for my style and such, I think the "I wanna draw pretty girls, with pretty hair and pretty outfits" of my childhood never left hahah Those are still my fav, and easiest, thing to draw~

4. Fav character/subject that’s a bitch to draw Well, there's a few like this? Idk, Ruggie and Sebek fall in this category for sure 🤔 Malleus too. And then, some of my other favs that are "manlier" from other media as well, like Xander from FE:Fates. I can't think of more like that rn, but I am working hard(?) to be able to draw muscles and manly so I can have the best of both worlds 💪😔 hahah

14. Any favorite motifs This is a bit broad for drawing 🤔 But I'd say some stuff for mine would be: pastel/soft colours, really blended shadding borders, flowy fabric with lots of details, frills, etc. and cute things. Also, I love drawing blushes, so adorable!

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

No zines, but I've joined oc x canon week and a couple Twisted Wonderland October events in the past (not the same both times so asklhfaslk). I also participated in a fem!twst collab in the past! And I'm active right now in the twst-charity project, does this count here?

What piece of yours do you think is underrated

TBH, any full rendered art that takes me a few days or even weeks. Those usually are the one with less interactions/appreciation �� (Still sad about my Epel Harveston drawing XD. Or how my van Zieks polished art got less interactions than the Susato one, which was doodle-ish with colour 😭) I mean, they're not perfect, but I put so much effort in those arts 😔 Forever sad about this topic.

---

That's all for these! I hope it was midly entertaining at least hahaha Thanks again for the ask <3

#Yuki Answers #tsundereition #Ask Meme Answer #Actually Yuki Answering #not OCs

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festiveferret · 3 years ago

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Wipdate!

Okay, it’s been a really long time since the last one, again. I’m always like “no way it’s been that long,” then the list of updates is 4 million fics long. Big womp.

Posted:

Spark(y)s Fly - Dog trainer Steve and single dad Tony. Black and Blue - Bad BF Brock with Steve as Tony’s PA Comfortable - Post-CAWS, Stony h/c Ex-traordinary Christmas - Getting back together ft. shitty bf Ty Instant Reaction - Steve and Tony meet and have instant chemistry Doorway - Homeless omega!Steve and helpful Alpha!Tony Malware- My first 616 fic! Punch Line - HS AU shitty ex-bf Ty (are you sensing a recent theme?) Breaking the Law of Attraction - Tony loves Steve’s mind, Steve loves Tony’s might. (collab with @ashes0909) Cat's Out of the Bag - Cat sitter!Tony AU, w/ID Porn Can't Write One Song (That's Not About You) - Band AU, so much pining Fresh Water - Stuckony love confessions Hoodie Thief - Steve finds something else when looking for his hoodie Post-It (Winteriron) - Office AU love confessions Part of Your World - Mermaid!Tony, smol!Steve In Recovery - ABO, arranged marriage + PTSD service dog Known - OFMD Episode 8 bed sharing Dalliance - OFMD Fuck buddies to lovers Sugar on Top - Shitty ex-Ty, Baker!Steve, Grad student!Tony Still Fine - OFMD Old scars h/c + first kiss

Updating:

A Good Thing - Comic collab with Askafroa - Alpha!Tony and Omega!Therapist!Steve Yet I Will Try the Last - Truck Stop Hooker AU with hooker!Steve and flashy billionaire, Tony Stark. Up to chapter four! Held Remix - A rewrite of Held with Tony as the sub and Steve as the Dom. Up to chapter twenty-nine. (Planning to dive in again in the new year!)

Beta Queue:

Do Not Reply - I keep bumping this beta in favour of other things but at some point I’m just going to have to put it next in the queue for @ashes0909 and make it actually happen lol

Wips:

1) You may have noticed that Our Flag Means Death has barnacled onto me in the best way possible. Fear not! I’m still writing Stony (and other MCU ships) but it’s fun being in something new and wild and chaotic and I’m probably going to be posting a fair amount of OFMD in the next little while as well. I have a bunch of ideas and WIPS for the show, so if you’re into that, stick around, there’s more to come!

2) I have been opening and closing an Ults AU where Tony is dying of brain cancer and Steve is a security specialist/bodyguard who ends up living with him for like a billion years and I’ve reopened it once again. Let’s see if I can ever finish it.

3) Still working on my sexy collab!

4) I’m in the WH Big Bang so woohoo! Gotta write that bad boy. I have an idea and like a quarter of it written.

5) I’m in some zines, one of which is due on a really short timeline, so gotta crank something out for that.

6) Backburner includes the Twilight AU and Yet I Will Try, which I really need to update at least once this year 😬

I’ve got a wee break between renovating season and gardening season, so hoping to do a lot of writing in the next two months. I’m co-running the @reforgedzine for Bucky/Tony and there’s still a few days left to apply so if you’re in to Winteriron, please do!

Thanks as always for reading! <3

#wipdate #wiplist #ferret life

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luminecho · 3 years ago

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Hello Echo, question. Do you still have Four brainrot? Follow up question. Do you have any songs that you associate with Four? Thanks bestie <3

Answer 1: Steel, I ALWAYS have Four brainrot <3

Answer 2: I am literally SO FUCKING GLAD you asked, you have no idea how excited I got seeing this holy shit. HELL YEAH I do!! Take a few songs from my playlist

If I include more than 3 Sleeping At Last, Of Monsters And Men, or The Oh Hellos songs on any given playlist or list of songs you may be entitled to financial compensatio-- *looks at this list* oh whoops

1) Crystals - Of Monsters And Men - this might as well be Four’s theme song for all I associate it with him. It’s so good. So so so good.

2) Call Them Brothers - Regina Spektor - Obligatory Call Them Brothers mention. This is not original at all I've seen so many other people talk about this song with Four and-- yeah they're right this song is about Four JKHEHBFDEKF.

3) Bad Blood - Sleeping At Last - I'm biased. If you know me then expect way too many SAL songs from me in any list of songs ever because I will never shut up about SAL and they have a lot of songs I like. So there's 4 SAL songs on this list, deal with it jhkwewjkwjkfh. Anyway Bad Blood gives me so many Four feels. 11/10

3) Soap - The Oh Hellos - THIS SONNGG. Ouugghh. I could probably dissect this song if I wanted to go over every little thing in it that makes me think of Four & why but I already exhausted my song infodumping capacity on the last song on this list so perhaps some other time HDEGJDDEKF. Just. The vibes AND the lyrics. Mannn

4) Forgive Me Friend - Smith & Thell - I have both the original and the acoustic version saved to my Four playlist because I really like both versions hwdfjefke but. There's so many ways this song could be interpreted w/ Four and tbh I'm just gonna leave it up to everyone else because every time I listen to it I think of something else lol.

5) Meteor Shower - Cavetown - I don't have much to say about this one other than thinking about this song gives me a LOT of emotions jhqkdhwbefjk. Just,,, it has a lot of self-acceptance vibes to me when I listen to it in this context and I think I'm drawing those comfort vibes from the melody? Idk but they're there for me lol

6) Glitter & Gold - Barns Courtney - Someone did a mini AMV to this song w/ Four a while back for the LU zine and I've associated the song with him ever since hwdkjgefhkfev. I like the vibes. Reminds me of the forge.

7) Lakehouse - Of Monsters And Men - Idk what it is about this song. It has a mix of homesickness feels and storytelling feels and something about that makes me think of Four. Also there's a line about breaking trust in here somewhere heehee hoohoo Vio go brr.

8) I Dare You - Bea Miller - my brain can't decide if I actually like this song or not for some reason buuuut it has big Four vibes regardless lmao. Mostly in the lyrics. Definitely in the lyrics

9) No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine - based more off the vibes of the song than the lyrics. i don't really have an explanation for this one, it's just always given me Four vibes for no reason hdwkjfgeh. Shadow too. I have it one both playlists

10) I Have Made Mistakes - The Oh Hellos - probably self-indulgent but this one has the self-acceptance and self-forgiveness vibes than go hand and hand with Four as a character so <3

11) From The Ground Up - Sleeping At Last - something about the line "in an effort to remember what being mended feels like" shakes me to my core. Am I allowed to slap the "self-acceptance" label on this song and call it a day? Cause,,, yeah the self love in this song. Ough. Also the themes of growth and being somewhere that's truly home.

12) Overture III / Awake - Sleeping At Last - Bestie this one's so self-indulgent. This song is pretty new and when I tell you that I latched onto it the DAY I first heard it FTHDGHWJKEFG. I connect so deeply with this song and I can and will project every emotion I experience ever onto Four which means he gets this song too. <3 Also it once again has themes of self-acceptance

13) September 15, 2017: Cassini - The Grand Finale - Sleeping At Last - OH MY GOD *VIBRATES INTO THE FIFTH DIMENSION*

Alright alright alright. Listen. This song is entirely instrumental. So why do I associate it with Four, you may ask?

WELLLLLLLL.

First of all, happy anniversary to the event this song was written about! Or-- well, it was the anniversary when this ask was sent djwhfkhjdewjhke. I took a while to answer it. BUT still. Happy anniversary!

Second of all, strap in cause I’m about to infodump the hell out of this song on my way to explaining my reasoning behind why I associate it with Four. It might seem irrelevant at first but trust me, I’ll get there.

(All the stuff I mention here is all explained in a much better fashion by the artist behind Sleeping At Last on his podcast episode about the song here. I'd absolutely recommend giving it a listen if you're interested!)

Cassini was written about a satellite with the same name that was built with the intention of exploring Saturn. On September 15, 2017, its journey was complete and its course was set to crash into Saturn in a brilliant grand finale. Hence the name of the song.

This song is a medley of four of Sleeping At Last’s songs, written as a mirror of the exact flight path of the Cassini satellite. (SAL has songs about each of the 9 planets + our moon.)

The song starts and ends with Saturn. The beginning is a chorus singing the tune of SAL's "Saturn" and the ending is that the song on the "Astronomy, Vol. 1" album leads straight into SAL’s "Saturn" to symbolize Cassini crashing into the planet. Cool, right?

After the opening the song crescendos with SAL’s "Earth" to represent Cassini’s launch. Cassini passed by Venus twice in its flight, so the part of the song immediately after that is from SAL's "Venus". The next part of the song (and ofc the next part of Cassini’s flight) is Jupiter! It’s very faint and distant since Cassini only passed by the planet. Aaand then finally it reaches Saturn.

Now what does any of this have to do with Four?

Welllllll, it's all a bit of a stretch but LET ME HAVE THIS hdgjhkjdwef.

I mentioned that Cassini is a medley of 4 different SAL songs.

Venus could easily be associated with Red! It’s a love song and love of course comes from the heart and all that. But it’s also a song that reflects wonder and awe and I feel like that’s a very Red feeling.

Jupiter is a song I associate a lot with Green, not only because of the song itself but also because of the planet and Green’s wind element. Jupiter is well-known for its storms! So it seems fitting for Green. Jupiter is one of the songs I have on my separate playlist for Green too. It has vibes of instinct and wanting to make things count and make a difference which I feel like fits him.

I feel like Saturn and Earth are interchangeable with Blue and Vio. I’d probably tentatively assign Blue to Earth and Vio to Saturn for now despite Earth being Vio’s element and me generally associating that song with him a lot more than Blue anyway. Saturn is a song about loss and trying to move on and I think Vio encompasses that feeling and experience. It’s very melancholy and slower-paced too, which fits Vio more. Whereas Earth is a very powerful, somewhat explosive song (which fits Blue’s vibe) about ignorance and possibly arrogance. ALSO if you go with Blue as Earth then it works even nicer because Earth and Venus are woven together very closely in Cassini. Which could represent how Blue & Red are both the "heart" of Four compared to Vio's mind and Green's instinct.

And ALL of these songs are packed into Cassini into a convenient little medley. Four songs blending seamlessly into one another creating a whole song that makes me want to throw my hands in the air and weep.

And how perfect that the day Steel sent this ask is coincidentally the anniversary of the day the song is about. jhkqdwfgehf. It was meant to be :>

#i didn't proofread this post so please excuse any typos lmao #I also have extensive playlists for each of the colors + shadow but this is four as an individual #if anyone would care to hear the songs i associate with them or any other lu character BY ALL MEANS please send an ask i love doing this #SORRY THIS IS SO LONG LOL I REALLY WENT OFF #IM SORRY IM JUST VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT MUSIC ALRIGHT #JKHGYDWYHSUWD #//#answered echoes #muffinbuttonfan #echoing songs #<- just in case i ever post more playlist stuff there's a tag for that now #four leaf clovers & iridescent steel #lu #linkeduniverse #lu four

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thewritewolf · 3 years ago

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20 Questions: Writer Edition

Thank you for the tag, @botherkupo!

How many works do you have on AO3?

50 works!

What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,001,897 words! That last chapter of True Sight finally pushed me over the one million mark! :D

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Well, all my fics thus for have been for Miraculous Ladybug, but I’ve done crossovers with four other fandoms - Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse, Dungeons and Dragons, Chouette!, and Harry Potter.

I’ve also got plans for fics in other fandoms - specifically Fallout, Five Night’s At Freddy’s, and Breath of the Wild.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Cat Crossing - which continues to baffle and surprise me

2. Multiple Second Chances - my Snekmouse fic!

3. Four TImes (and the Lucky One) - the start of my favorite Lucky One series

4. Rekindle - my favorite marichat story that I’ve written, very happy to see it get the attention it has

5. Inseparable - Ladynoir July fic, wrote it ages ago

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yup! I respond to all the comments I can, excluding ones that are responses to other comments. Just to let people know I’ve read them, more often than not.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

That’s a hard question to answer, in all honesty. I write only happy endings for the most part, but I suppose In Due Time had the angstiest since it was a two-part series.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Lots of competition on that one. I’m going to say... Adrien Agreste and the Long Delayed Proposal

Do you write crossovers? If yes, what’s the craziest thing you’ve written?

Yup! I’ve done five crossovers, with fandoms that I mentioned above. The craziest one was Adrien, Agreste No Longer, which was a crossover with Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse. It was just... insane, but fun and fluffy.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Very, very rarely. It was pretty insane rambling, though, so it doesn’t bother me all that much.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I have tried, but it is all unpublished and will remain that way. I still need lots of practice before I’d even consider it lol

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

As far as I’m aware, no. I’m not that popular a writer 😂

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, as far as I know, I haven’t.

Have you ever co-written a fic?

...No? I did do a collab once, but that was more ‘I write a fic, and then provide art for it’. Which I’ve also done a couple times for zines. But co-writing? No.

What’s your all time favourite ship?

Love square! Adrienette specifically. Although I do also like Zelink

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Well as for fics I’ve only got one right now that’s a WIP and that is DEFINITELY getting finished December. If we include series, then Lucky One I might not finish simply because I can always add new life events for the heroes to tackle to it.

What’s your writing strengths?

Dialogue and action scenes are what I’ve gotten the most praise for. That and world building, although that comes up less in fanfics.

What’s your writing weaknesses?

Character design is a big one. I find it a lot more difficult to make new characters compared to making worlds and societies. Descriptions for things that I don’t have a reference for is another big one - looking back, a lot of my suit designs for Two for Two are... not so great 😬

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I avoid it when possible, only adding it in when it actually contributes something to the story, but generally I find that it detracts more than it adds. Especially if you don’t speak the language.

As an example, there is a point in True Sight where a Japanese character shows up and I wanted them to say a single line in Japanese as part of a joke, but I was talked out of it since it would’ve been tedious to get the actual line correct, for little pay off.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Miraculous Ladybug! Although I suppose I’ve written stuff for D&D since I’ve been a dungeon master for years. 🤔 I don’t think that counts though since its for my own original world.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Probably True Sight! It taught me more than any other fic, and since it was my first one that I’ve updated for years, it also acts as like a tree ring of growth for me as a writer over the last three or four years.

#things I'm tagged in #tag games

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ispyspookymansion · 2 years ago

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hi again koraa~ (◠‿◠)

so, i've never researched alchemy before, or ever learned what it really was. all i've ever known is stuff from pop culture & video games and just had this idea in my head of like, fiery chemical reactions and impossible magical creations, stuff like that. ive never known what it was really about or what they strived for. and i never really thought about how it could be relevant or relatable to me and my life experiences, which i think is why i never really looked into it.

then you posted abt your zine and it sparked my interest, and having read it now im so fascinated by how the ideas of both/and and striving to transcend binaries with alchemy are so reflective of transness. it's just so cool!! like! ok so there's this super cool chemical reaction called "the pharaoh's serpent" where you ignite some mercury II thiocyanate and it shoots up and puffs out into this massive golden snake-looking thing, rising up out out of a tiny pile of powder in a seemingly impossible, magical way. it's beautiful, and i thought about it while reading the zine, especially in the parts about parthenogenetic snakes and creation. because the act of challenging binaries and cishetero norms is like the igniting spark, and who we discover ourselves to be, who we actively create from ourselves, is like the towering beautiful serpent, rising up like a work of art. it really is transcendental.

but yeah!! i loved the whole thing. getting even just a peek into the alchemical world and what it's all about has just made me so much more interested to learning more. i had no idea how ahead of their time alchemists really were, how beautiful it is that they saw divinity in the transcendence of binaries. it truly is fascinating, and i just wanna thank you for putting your thoughts on it into a little zine and making it so accessible & interesting to people with basically no knowledge going into it 😅😌

anywhoo i just wanted to share some of my thoughts about it with you 😊 thank you for introducing me to alchemy in such a fun little way ! :)

awwwww omg im so so happy to hear that!!! i took a course this semester on it and really felt the same way, the both/and sentiment is relevant to a lot of things (like thinking of things you both dont want to do and have to, for example) but to me the relationship between alchemy and gender was what was most striking on a personal level. i’m so glad i could share that with you, all of what youre saying is so totally relevant and beautiful :-)))) thank you for messaging me to let me know you liked it and for being interested in the first place!!!! <3

#MWAH #castielapologist #kora.txt #asks

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punkpoemprose · 4 years ago

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December 15th- A Convenient Arrangement Part 7

Universe: Canonverse Arranged Marriage AU Rating:T Length: 4309 Words A/N: Anna gets to let it all out. This is the Anna and Elsa conflict that I wish they could have included in the movies, because as wonderful and kind and forgiving as Anna is, everyone has a breaking point. I thought this was going to be 10 chapters. It’s looking closer to 13-15 I think, but we’ll see how much I can squeeze in going forward. I have 4 days to write 10 more fics, and I work two of them... and I have a zine yo put together...we’ll see how this goes!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6]

She’d woken in his arms when sunlight flooded through the cabin’s front windows, warming her face and informing her that it was time rise once again. She’d kept her eyes closed despite it, pretending that she was still asleep. She just wanted to listen to his breathing and the beating of his heart for a little longer. She just wanted to be close and know that his holding her so tight was purposeful because she knew that he was awake and was trying to not wake her.

I’m not a good person.

The thought was not self-deprecating so much as it was chiding as she laid in bed with him for another half hour at least, feeling the rise and fall of his chest beneath her and trying not to flush when his hands would move across her back or tuck away a stray hair. It felt strange, but wonderful to be cared for.

She knew that she shouldn’t have pretended to be asleep, but she could never remember waking up and feeling quite so safe as she did in his arms. Moments of tenderness like that was not something she was used to and so she’d allowed herself to indulge in it, and he hadn’t commented even though she suspected that he knew after a short time that she was awake.

They’d had a light breakfast, and he’d helped her redress herself in the soft morning light. She thought that she may remember the deft way he’d adjusted her corset lacing for the rest of her life. He’d asked her if she’d needed help, and while she didn’t really, she’d consented because it was easier with help, and because she was curious about whether he could manage it with only her spoken instructions. She’d felt warm when he’d expertly tugged and tied, explaining sheepishly that he was used to ropework and that he hoped he hadn’t hurt her.

She knew now, after their night alone, that he’d never hurt her. At least not on purpose.

He’d never hurt her the way Hans had.

The quiet morning had continued on the wagon ride back to Arendelle. They hadn’t spoken of anything of consequence since the night before, occasionally breaking the silence with a comment about their surroundings or the weather, but otherwise enjoying the easy silence that no longer felt uncomfortable between them. They would have plenty of time to talk, but they both had seemed to enjoy the lack of questions and heavy conversations for a while.

The calm had ended after they reentered the castle gates, at least for her. She wasn’t certain about how things went for him because they’d been separated too quickly for her tastes.

He’d gone to care for Sven, not entrusting the sweet reindeer with a groom was something that Anna understood now. Sven was as much his family as the trolls were, as she hoped she was. Kristoff felt a duty to care for the creature himself.

Anna, however, had been quickly corralled into her sister’s office, where the day quickly became anything but quiet.

“What were you thinking?” Elsa said, her voice high and the anxiety not at all hidden.

Anna thought that the temperature in the room was maybe ten degrees lower than it was in the hallway just outside the closed door. Her chest felt tight at the realization, and her headache from the night before, when her memories had been returned to her seemed to resurge slightly, a dull hum of discomfort behind her eyes. She clenched her jaw and tried to focus on something else, the wall, the window, anything but her angry sister.

“I left you a note,” she said after a moment’s thought, “I was thinking I was spending some time with my husband.”

Elsa wasn’t calmed by this though. She shook her head and scoffed, giving Anna a look of annoyance, or maybe disappointment that burned through her, like she was being given a forcible internal frost burn from the coolness, even as she tried to look away from it.

“Did you not learn anything from Hans?”

Her hands balled into fists at her side. It wasn’t a question. It was an attack. This wasn’t a meeting, it was an interrogation.

And Anna wasn’t going to back down from it.

“Have you learned anything about what happens when you try to control my life?”

It was a snipe, but she wasn’t about to let Elsa judge her, Queen or not, for trying to get to know the husband that she had forced her into marrying. Elsa had all the power in deciding how they were to handle the fallout after everything with Hans, and instead of trying to find another way to calm the populace, she’d consented to a royal wedding. She’d asked Anna if she was comfortable with it as an afterthought, after the wheels were already in motion, and while she’d seemingly felt bad about the whole thing, it still wasn’t lost on Anna that her sister had once told her that she couldn’t marry someone she just met, and then all but forced her to do the very same.

“Or do you get to blindly pass judgement because you have a crown now?”

Anna saw the ice forming on the windowpanes behind her sister’s desk. The summer scene of gardens and green grass behind her suddenly covered with thick ice marring the sightline. Anna had been looking out to the stables out of the corner of her eye, taking comfort in knowing that Kristoff wasn’t far off. It probably wasn’t a good sign that she felt more comfortable with him than her own sister already. Really though, despite being a stranger, he was giving her a chance to know him. Elsa hadn’t afforded her the same chance, making her all the more the stranger.

“This isn’t about me,” Elsa hissed, “This is about your reckless behavior. You should have taken a guard with you. He could have…”

He could have killed you.

She might have entertained the thought before the trip. In fact, she had, but as reckless as it may have seemed to others to trust him, she knew that she had nothing to fear from him. He’d never meant her harm of any kind, not from the very start.

He wasn’t a man of manners or class or breeding. He was a simple ice harvester, and he’d helped her stand strong at their wedding, he’d not forced himself on her on their wedding night, he’d given her so much of himself, and he’d been nothing but gentle with her.

It wasn’t a long play. It was a kindness. It was something like love.

She thinks he could have killed me.

It was laughable, but she wasn’t laughing. She was raging inside, her heart pounding, and her head aching from the tension in her jaw.

“You could have!” Anna shouted in return, “And I should thank you by the way for your restraint, given that I just recently found out that you apparently almost killed me once before too. Why didn’t you tell me before Elsa? Was it just one more thing you didn’t think I could handle?”

Elsa’s brow furrowed, the fire was still in her eyes, but it was mixed with confusion.

“I take it a troll visited you last night to let you know where I was. Well, I had a lovely time with them, and apparently, I knew about you and the ice and everything until I was five and mother and father had them take the memories from me. I understand why, but what I don’t understand is why you never told me. You knew Elsa, and you never told me about it, or about what you could do. The person who put me in the most danger here is you!”

The room continued to cool, the ice on the windows grew thicker and Anna could see from the angry set of her sister’s jaw that she had struck a nerve.

“So yes, I took a chance to leave and spend some time with my husband. Last I checked I’m not a prisoner, and neither is Kristoff so we decided to leave, you know, enjoy life outside of these walls for a little bit given I haven’t been outside them in thirteen years. Maybe if you were that concerned about him I don’t know, potentially wanting to kill me, you wouldn’t have let the council force a wedding.”

“That’s enough!”

Anna saw the flakes in the air. She knew her sister was at her breaking point, but she couldn’t help but keep pushing. Elsa had gone straight for her most vulnerable point as soon as she’d entered her office, and Anna wasn’t going to take it without dishing it back out.

“Is it?”

She stomped across the wooden floor that was quickly accumulating ice and snow from her sister’s inability to hold on, getting into her face. It was probably a bad idea, but she couldn’t help it. She’d rather get it all out now than keep holding it in. She wasn’t going to spend the next thirteen years of her life knocking on her sister’s door begging for her attention, she was going to take it whether Elsa liked it or not.

“Because I don’t think it is. I don’t think this is enough, because I’ve got news for you. You’re talking to me like I’m a child, and I’m not. I know because I spent every day of my childhood watching days and months and years pass alone, wanting nothing more than someone to spend the time with. I might have made a mistake, but right now the score isn’t anywhere near even Elsa, and I’m not going to take this from you. Kristoff isn’t Hans and if you compare them one more time so help me…”

It happened in a flash, the room went from icy cold, snowy, crusted with ice, to bright white, and then, back to normal.

Elsa fell apart, crumbling as she started crying, in front of Anna.

I’m a horrible sister.

No. This was necessary.

It hurts to hurt someone you love.

She shouldn’t have pushed so hard, was her first thought. Then, shortly after, as she lowered herself to the floor and wrapped her arms around her crying sister, the ice Queen of Arendelle that she’d reduced to tears, she realized that it needed to happen. Even if it hurt them both, she needed to let it out. If she hadn’t it would have eaten her alive.

“It’s okay,” she said, letting her sister cry into her shoulder for the second time in as many weeks.

“I’m not angry anymore, I just needed to get it out,” she said, holding her tight as Elsa started to shake in her arms, hyperventilating as she cried.

“I’ve been so mad for so long, and it took getting my memories back to figure out why… Elsa I know that it wasn’t your choice when we were kids, but I’ve been alone almost my whole life and Kristoff…”

“I’m so sorry.”

It was a wet, nervous sound when she spoke, filling the space as Anna searched for the words to describe exactly how she felt about her husband. It surprised Anna to hear her sister apologize, assuming that she’d want her to leave as soon as she found a voice to tell her to get out. It was what she’d come to expect of Elsa, even when she was being contrite, that she never wanted Anna to stay with her for very long.

“I knew you were lonely. I knew you needed me, but I was too afraid of myself to let you in. If I’d just talked to you more… if we’d just left the castle, maybe you would have never…”

“I know,” she said, stopping her before she could bring up the situation with Hans, “Just… I need you to start trusting me. You haven’t even talked to me since the wedding. You’ve never even had a conversation with Kristoff. You can’t just assume the worst of him.”

She was doing the best she could to keep her voice low, soft, and reassuring. Despite the frustration she had and still felt toward the crying woman in her arms, she also loved her sister dearly. She was all the family she had.

Except now you have Kristoff too.

She wished that her sister could have seen the way he’d held her when she was fighting through her headache, or the way that he took her hand and gave her signals and avenues to express her discomfort or fear. She wished that she could see the way he sometimes looked at her like she was something precious. Maybe then she’d have been less worried. Maybe then she’d understand.

“I didn’t want to,” Elsa sniffled, “At least I didn’t mean to think that about him right away. But I didn’t know when you were coming back and there were no guards with you, and then there was a troll in my office. Anna I didn’t know what to think.”

It took her almost a full minute to get the whole thing out, the sniffling and choked up tone of her voice making it difficult for her to speak and be understood.

“Think that I learned my lesson and that I’m safe with my husband. I wouldn’t have left alone with him if I didn’t trust him. It’s not like before, I’m not blind.”

“But he’s a stranger.”

“Not to me. We’ve been together for a short time, but he’s no stranger to me. He’s a…”

He’s a man I’m falling in love with.

“He’s becoming a dear friend. I think you’d like him Elsa. He’s got a good heart.”

***

When Kristoff had finished removing Sven’s tack, he’d brushed the reindeer. The he’d fed him, sat with him for a short time, and mostly waited for Anna to return. After what felt like an hour, he forced himself up from the hay bale he’d seated himself on and left Sven’s quiet company for the castle. He’d hoped that Anna would have returned after speaking to her sister, but he supposed that even though she’d told him they didn’t have any duties as a couple for the week, she might very well be too busy to spend time with him now that they were back at the castle.

He’d done his best to keep his head high despite feeling foolish walking through the halls. He’d pretended that he wasn’t lost and snuck Anna’s map from his pocket surreptitiously, running his fingers over it to find his way back to his room.

On his way he’d even managed to ask a maid if she would be able to have a lunch sent up to his room. It felt like something that he shouldn’t have asked, feeling no more royal or entitled as he had before leaving, but also wanting not to return to the kitchens himself. There had been something about being in the space that had made him feel even more like he hadn’t belonged.

Maybe it was because you were beneath even the potato peeler last week

He was in his room now, changing his shirt into one of the clean ones he’d grabbed from his cabin, along with most of the rest of his belongings that fit into one small bag. He heard the knock, and shouted that it was open, knowing it was probably his lunch, but hoping that it was Anna.

“Sir, my apologies, but I believe I encouraged you to get to know Anna better this week,” Kai said as he entered the room, shutting the door behind him, “Not kidnap her to the mountains leaving nothing but a note behind. The Queen was in hysterics… which I should inform you, you do have dinner with her tonight.”

“Dinner with the Queen?”

“As arranged with your wife I believe. She’ll also be in attendance I believe.”

He cursed under his breath, catching a both amused and disapproving look from Kai as he did so. He thought that the heavyset old butler might get along well with his father. He often made the same face.

“I should inform you that you shouldn’t curse in response when invited to dinner with a Queen, but I suppose you already know that. I’ve been in the service of the young Queen for many years, and I believe she trusts me, so I hope it is not a breach of that trust when I say that last I saw her she was not particularly pleased with you.”

“Of course not,” he said, feeling underdressed in the comfortable shirt.

Feeling underdressed next to the butler probably isn’t a good sign for me.

“Don’t mistake me sir,” he added, “I think that it has everything to do with her worries for her sister. If you assuage those I think that she would be perfectly happy to meet your acquaintance.”

Kristoff huffed. He did feel bad for taking Anna away from the castle. He knew that his Uncle had spoken with the Queen, but if he’d thought a bit more about the way he and Anna had gone away beforehand, he probably would have been able to avoid this whole situation. He didn’t want people to have to worry about Anna when he was with her. Least of all her sister.

Her sister who could have me executed if she wants.

“How would I manage that?”

Kai set a tray he’d been carrying atop a table in the middle of the room. Kristoff couldn’t help but think that the man might be doing more for him than he was strictly tasked with insofar as his level of interest in his getting into the Queen’s good graces. He told himself that it was probably because he wanted to see Anna happy and safe given the many years he spent looking after the sisters.

He was happy to have someone to help him regardless. He didn’t think he would be capable of navigating the rules and manners required to not blunder through the rest of his life in the castle without it.

“Well to start,” he replied, “We’ll need to find you something proper to wear to dinner. You have a tailors appointment tomorrow morning, but we’ll have to make do until we sort that out.”

Kristoff couldn’t help but feel like he should be insulted, or at least a bit peeved over the man’s words, but he couldn’t manage it. All he could think of was holding Anna while she was pretending to be asleep that morning and doing anything to see her smile. Doing anything to make her sister believe that he’d meant no harm in taking her to the mountains so that he’d not be under scrutiny every time he spent time alone with his wife.

***

Anna had taken it upon herself to arrange the whole thing. She felt a little bad about the amount of time that it was taking to set her schedule for the week and speak with the kitchen staff about what she wanted for the dinner she was arranging in hopes that her sister would be comforted by meeting her husband in a more significant way than watching their wedding. At least she hoped that the meeting would allow the two to come to some sort of understanding.

I only have two people. If they could just get along that would be ideal.

With all the running she’d been doing she hadn’t had a chance to return to Kristoff. She’d heard that Kai had brought lunch to his room, and after that she assumed that they were busy. Kai was her sister’s most trusted advisor, even though his official position was castle steward, Elsa trusted him with aiding her in crucial decisions beyond its walls. That Kristoff had his council just went to show that there was hope, and that at least someone else was invested in making things work.

She spent the rest of the afternoon deciding what to wear and receiving and writing thank you letters for wedding gifts that had been pouring in from merchants and allied nations. Most of whom had already been in town for Elsa’s coronation and who had not had the time to select a well thought out gift after the rush of events the small country had experienced.

She’d waited until just shortly before the dinner was to start to walk through the halls and to the dining room, finding neither Kristoff nor her sister on the way.

“My apologies your majesty. I hope you understand I’ve never needed to inform anyone of my travel plans in the past, and it was not my intentions to worry anyone by taking Princess Anna into the mountains with me. In the future should we decide to go anywhere together I’ll ensure that you are informed directly.”

Anna recognized the voice of the man standing in the hall outside the dining room. The man addressing the queen, but so neatly dressed she barely recognized him as her husband. He looked much like he had on their wedding day. Clean shaven with his hair slicked back. The clothes he wore were simple, but they’d been pressed and someone had taken the time to tie a cravat around his neck.

Kai no doubt.

That man has been wearing cravats for years, in style or not.

They hadn’t noticed her coming down the hall, or at least she didn’t think that they had given that neither made any sign of noticing her approach.

“You must understand,” Elsa said back, seeming in much better shape than she had been hours earlier, “With everything that happened with Hans I worry about her. I’m sure you’re a good man, but you can’t fault me for being cautious.”

He gave her a strange look and Anna’s heart started to pound. She hadn’t spoken with him about Hans. Being in the mountains for the whole debacle, she’d suspected he hadn’t known all the details, and for now she wanted it kept that way. Her feet felt frozen below her though, as Kristoff responded in confusion.

“I’m not really sure I know the details,” he said quietly, “I’m sure if I did I would have thought twice about taking her away from the castle alone. No one has told me much of it, even if it was the reason for our wedding.”

Elsa shook her head, looking anxious, but then recovered.

She took a deep breath and Anna wanted to run down the hall, to speak up, to tell her that it was something that she and Kristoff would discuss later, when she was ready.

“Hans…He tried to kill us both.”

***

He noticed her after her sister spoke. She looked white as a ghost at the end of the hall, and he understood why. Her sister hadn’t exactly been vague when it came to telling him why she’d been worried about him taking her into the mountains.

Hans. The foreign prince. He’d tried to kill his wife and her sister.

He’d thought that maybe the real reason for the wedding had just been that Elsa had lost control of her powers and that to build confidence in her ability to rule a royal wedding was planned to comfort the masses. He supposed now that it was just part of it, that the real reason was more complex, and that it all came down to the man that Anna had known before him.

He wasn’t sure of how to react. All he knew was that Anna’s eyes were on him and that she looked upset. Crossing the hall to her was instinct, as was giving her his hand, offering it to her open and outstretched.

She walked forward instead, into his chest, and into his arms as he wrapped them around her. She had every right to be upset, as did her sister he supposed as he felt even greater regret for taking Anna away without warning. So he did what he thought was best, what Anna was showing him was best. He held her close.

Elsa cleared her throat after a moment.

“I think…”

Kristoff turned his head, not releasing Anna to look at her sister. She was staring at them, her cheeks flushed and an almost smile on her lips.

I think she might understand now.

“I think dinner is ready. I’ll just go ahead… Anna… Kristoff, whenever you’re ready. I think we have a lot to discuss.”

When the dining room door closed behind her, leaving them alone in the hall, he turned his full attention back to Anna, holding her tight, leaning his head down low, and pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“It’s alright,” he said, because that was all he could think to say. “It’s all going to be alright.”

“Who made you wear a cravat?” she asked, quiet with her face against his chest.

“Kai.”

She made a soft sound, almost like a laugh but not quite.

“I thought maybe. Can I take it off for you? You look uncomfortable.”

He nodded, and she stepped back a bit out of his arms, giving him room to duck down for her.

Her small fingers slid along the collar of his shirt, loosening the knots of the offending cloth and then, unexpectedly, running her fingers through his hair, mussing it a bit before pulling the cravat away and allowing him to stand back up again at his full height.

“There,” she whispered, taking his hand with the cloth between their palms, “You look like you again.”

The color had returned to her face and he smiled at her. She liked him as he was, and that was a comfort.

Now to convince her sister.

#kristannaadvent2020 #A Convenient Arrangement #kristanna #Arranged Marriage AU #Frozen Fanfiction

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