#and telling the people who could change something will result in worse treatment of ALL FIVE PEOPLE ON BOARD

[treevore]

been seeing a lot lot lot of people talking about the toxic masculinity of mouthwashing and while i do see it, i think a lot of these takes really skim over the implied threat of collective punishment by pony express should there be problems among the crew

[petertingle-yipyip]

WISH YOU WERE SOBER - MIGUEL O’HARA

Pairing: Platonic Miguel x Young Reader (father/daughter dynamic)

Word Count: 2,651

Summary: (Request) hi!! i have a platonic req for miguel x chaotic teen reader who has a bad relationship with her dad, just a man who lost his daughter and a girl who never had a proper father.. what could go wrong..(im a slut for found family)

Getting bit by a spider is less than ideal to begin with. But when you were bitten by a highly experimental spider that came from the labs your dad worked at, it was arguably worse. And then, when said spider bite results in you sticking to walls and being able to shoot webs from your wrists, it all becomes terrifying.

——————————

“Dad… Something’s not right.” You try to tell him while your notebook is stuck to your open hand. You shake it, only to hear the crumple and flap of papers hitting together. “Please.”

“Mhmm, mhmm.” He nods with his back to you, refusing to turn in his desk chair. “Yes, go ahead, kiddo.”

“Dad?”

“It’s fine, Y/N. Go wherever.”

“I’m not… I’m scared! Please!”

“Enough.” He says firmly, a hand hits the desk and you hear the slosh of liquid in a glass bottle. “Go.”

“You’re drinking?” 

“It’s not your business. Go.”

——————————

A few years later and nothing changed. He hadn’t even noticed that you were never home at night. Your bruises and bloody lips never got acknowledged. Winces and groans as you walked around were unheard. He had constantly drank himself into stupors, rivaling the depth of a coma at one point.

Your heart constantly ached for the relationship you two had when you were younger, before your mother left. Her treatment stopped helping and she died in the hospital, a place you and your father could never go back to. After that, he told you he’d rather drive to Jersey for a hospital than ever walk back into Metro General.

As your relationship crumbled, so did your faith in people. If your father, the man who you owed half your genetics to and the man who raised you, couldn’t put his own child’s needs ahead of his own despair, how could anyone truly love one unconditionally?

“Hey!” A familiar voice called behind you as you were sitting on your rooftop. “It’s my favorite spider kid!”

It was your father’s birthday and - of course, he was passed out in a puddle of whiskey in the kitchen. You had turned him on his side and propped him against the cabinet to ensure he didn’t choke on his own vomit before you suited up and just… sat. Chin resting on knees pulled up to your chest, arms wrapped around and fingers locked together. Mask pushed up to your hairline as the cold night breeze blew through. You were too absorbed in your thoughts to realize your spider sense had been going off.

“Peter B.” You smiled quickly as you turned and saw the bright orange of the portal. “Shit. Did I miss an assignment?” You turned your wrist and saw nothing on your watch screen.

“No… Just knew what day it was.”

“Oh..”

“C’mon. Let’s get out of here.”

You hummed slightly and let him pull you to your feet. Mayday offered you a grabby hand gesture that made you smile and she took that as approval so she shot a web to your chest and pulled herself into your arms. You laughed as you followed Peter, his daughter in your arms and babbling nonsense.

You two walked into the familiar HQ building, greeting various spider people on the way before Hobie and Pav replaced him. You huffed a sigh when you realized that it wasn’t just a coincidence that the entirety of your gang was taking turns walking with you.

They were keeping an eye on you.

You slipped away during Pav’s dramatic retelling of his latest date with Gayatri. He was gesturing wildly with his arms when you sidestepped and dropped down a few levels, catching yourself on the ledge and pulling yourself to sit underneath. After a few moments of sitting alone, you headed to the training center.

It didn’t take long for Hobie to find you there.

“I don’t need a babysitter.” You snapped.

“Right..” He nodded carefully, moving behind the heavy bag you were lightly punching. He held it in place and leaned around it to offer you a questioning expression. “That’s why you bailed on Pav, eh? Y’know he was crushed.”

“I’ll apologize later. Just leave it alone, Hob.”

“Squashed.” He shrugged and leaned away. He gave the bag a small shake and tapped it, telling you to keep hitting it. “But I gotta say, Y/N/N, it’s not hard to see you’re angry.”

“Oh I wonder why.” You said sarcastically as your fists began to make contact again.”

“If it’s about your pops, maybe you should-“

“I should what? Talk to him? You can’t talk to a man two thirds in on a bottle of whiskey. Help him? Like he helped me when my mom died, right? Because that’s what we do, right?”

Every sentence led to your fists hitting harder and harder, more direct contact that stung the skin.

“He doesn’t care about me. He abandoned me when I needed him… He’s probably a canon event for me anyway so the sooner he’s gone the better.”

“You don’t wanna be alone, Y/N.” Hobie offered gently.

Though the gentle tone only scraped your nerves and your fist went through the leather of the punching bag with enough force to push Hobie back.

“Says a lot about the person I’m becoming.” You shrugged and pulled your hand out.

The sand inside began spilling out and you sighed when the faint glow of the familiar AI appeared in front of you.

“Hello, Lyla.” You grumbled and kicked at the growing sand pile.

“Heart rate elevated. Adrenaline and cortisol are spiking and you busted a punching bag… I’m getting Miguel.” She said simply.

“Don’t get Miguel.” You groaned.

“I’m getting Miguel.”

“Lyla!”

“He’s expecting you.”

“Why would you-“

“Because you need to-“

“Why is everyone telling me what I need?” You shouted, throwing an arm to the side which swatted through the projection. 

She appeared again at your shoulder with glasses disheveled.

“Case and point.” She nodded. “Go and talk to him. Now.”

“I hate it here sometimes.” You muttered and dropped to the floor, back to the door while you drew with a finger in the still growing sand pile.

As annoying as it could be at HQ, anything was better than home.

You were in the process of drawing your spider logo when you saw his looming shadow. You ignored him up until he sat next to you and you pulled your knees to your chest.

“She’s gonna come back.” Peter said gently and you felt Mayday’s hand patting your arm to a beat only she understood. “C’mon, kid. Say something.”

“Nothing to say.” You grumbled and shot webs at the ceiling so you could get away from the conversation attempt.

You slowly made your way to Miguel’s workspace. Your watch beeped as you went, probably messages from Lyla telling you to move your ass or one of your friends trying to check on you. You ignored the sounds and kept walking along the ceiling, hardly registering the directional change when you started walking on his wall.

“Siéntete.” He said simply as he pointed to the chair beside him without facing you.

“How’d you know it was me?” You asked simply.

“I’ve been tracking your watch. Sit.”

“I’m fine here, thanks.”

“I wasn’t asking, Y/N.”

“I don’t want to-“

Your complaint was cut short by the bright red webbing that looped around your torso. You cursed quietly as he yanked you to the platform and pushed you into the seat.

“Wasn’t so hard.” He smirked before he crossed his arms and leaned against the table behind him. “What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing.” You huffed.

“You put a hole in the heaviest bag today and you swatted through Lyla.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Mhmm, right.” He nodded absently before sliding a video clip to present between you two. “So what’s this?”

…so the sooner he’s gone, the better.

“I’m just angry.” You shrugged. “What does it matter?”

“Hmm. And this?” He slid a secondary video underneath.

It was you, rolling your dad over and placing two bottles of water by his head. You picked up the tipped cup and cleaned up the spilled liquor. You tucked a small folded note under the bottles, stating a quick and simple happy birthday with a quick heart.

“You’ve been watching me?”

“Someone was worried about you. I had a quick survey done of you in your universe.”

“Who was worried? Peter B? Is that why he showed up for me earlier?”

“Pavitr.” He corrected. “And you walked away from his date night story.”

“I didn’t-“ You groaned and threw your head back. “It had nothing to do with him!”

“It felt very personal to him.”

“Look, whatever kind of intervention this is, I don’t need it or want it. Forgive me for having my mother’s kind heart.”

“Okay.”

The webbing around your torso disappeared and he cleared the video clips away. You frowned slightly when he gestured for you to go.

“That’s it?” Your brows furrowed and you kept the disappointment out of your voice.

“That’s it.” He shrugged. “You won’t listen to anyone trying to help and I can see exactly what’s going on and what you need. But what do I know, hmm?”

“Right… I’m just gonna..” You stood slowly and moved to the edge of the platform, freezing at his next sentence.

“When I was with Gabriella…” He said softly, so kindly you almost didn’t hear it.

But the mention of her name froze you in your tracks. He hardly ever talked about his daughter. Why would he tell you anything about such a sensitive subject? You figured you should listen.

“I made sure to know everything I could about her.. That’s what dads do, right? I knew what she liked and what she didn’t. I learned her friends’ names and faces. I even learned how to make these silly little paper origami animals…”

“Why are you telling me this?” You asked weakly. You almost felt awkward hearing such a sweet sentiment coming from your usually angry boss.

“Because it’s part of what you’re missing..”

That sentence made you turn to face him.

“You want a male authority figure that can tell you he knows that you like cheerios for breakfast, but if you don’t have any, you’ll toast half a bagel and put peanut butter.. Sometimes you’ll get a green apple with it.. You want to hear someone acknowledge that you get caffeine headaches but can’t drink more than a Cola in a day. The one time you tried an energy drink, your senses kicked up to a forty and you could hear colors for four hours.

“You used to play sports before you got bit but after, the contact from the ball irritated your skin so bad you had to quit. You told your team that you had developed a health condition and overworking your kidneys could kill you.

“The logo of your suit is the vague shape of the spider that bit you, which was a common California house spider. Usually they’re not a problem but thanks to Oscorp, it was a lot more aggressive than it should’ve been…. You use clips in your hair because a hair tie makes it too tight. And you sharpie’d those words on the inside of your sleeve because you couldn’t stop thinking of them when you made your suit.”

“I don’t like cheerios.” You said quietly.

“I’m sorry.” He rolled his eyes with a small smile. “Honey nut cheerios.”

“And I didn’t just quit because of that..”

“Cause you got a job.” Miguel continued. “Under the table, cash only, for a graveyard shift at an all night diner.”

“Did you know my brother and sister moved out? My younger brother moved in with either his girlfriend or his friends because he couldn’t be around my dad. And my older sister, I don’t even know where she is… They might not even be in New York anymore. But I still make sure they don’t have to get the call to ID my father’s body.”

“But you want him dead to pass your canon?”

“Well yeah, I…” You sighed and threw your hands to the side. “No.. I don’t know. It’s not easy to live in that apartment anymore.”

“I know… But you’re still here. You still have your suit and your abilities and you help people.”

“Couldn’t help my mom.” You shrugged. “Couldn’t help my siblings. Can’t help my dad… What kind of a spider person am I if I can’t even help the people I care about most?”

“Makes you human.”

“Why do you know all that anyway?” You asked instead, allowing his gentle tone soften some of the sharpness in your chest. “What does my story matter in the whole arachno-whatever?”

“Every spider’s story matters here.”

You hummed in acknowledgment and swallowed the taste of disappointment on your tongue.

“Aren’t people like.. predisposed to addiction based on genetics?” You changed the subject.

“Sometimes, why?”

“So I'll end up like him, most likely.”

“Y/N..”

“Can you fix it?”

“What?” His eyes went wide.

“You’re a geneticist, right? You can run my genes and figure out where the problem is. You can fix it.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“Or.. him. You can fix my dad!”

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not?” You groaned. 

“Because he’ll be dead by the end of the night!” He snapped and you felt your body run cold while regret crossed his features.

“What?” You spoke, barely above a whisper. “What do you- How- How do you know?”

He sighed to himself and rubbed his temple before he spoke slowly, putting extra caution into his word selection.

“When you told Hobie about it tonight, I had Lyla run the algorithm for your canon… His liver has been on the brink for a couple days and it looks like tonight’s the night it finally gives out.”

“Can I save him?” You asked tightly, eyes locked to the floor as the tears burned behind your eyes. “If I go home now and call the ambulance, can I?”

“You tell me how great the ambulance response in your neighborhood is.” He deadpanned and you sighed heavily, knowing he was right.

“I still wanna go home.”

“You shouldn’t be alone.”

“He shouldn’t die alone.”

“You can’t change it… I’m sorry.”

“Why are you so invested?” You looked up at him with a newfound anger burning behind your eyes, ignoring the tears falling down your cheeks. “What the hell does my life matter to you?”

“Because..” He sighed before he knelt in front of you. “I see so much of Gabriella in you, arañita.. And I can see you’re hurting.”

Your bottom lip quivered and the tears welled in your eyes. You hadn’t even realized that you wanted someone to notice things like your pain. You just wanted someone to pay attention to you and not feel like you were a background character in your own home, to feel like you were alone in the one place you were supposed to be safest.

“I’m just-“ You began, though your voice broke. “I’m so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.”

“I know, mija.” He nodded. “But remember this.”

He turned your forearm so you’d see the words in your own sloppy, tiny handwriting.

“Keep your head up and don’t lose twice.” He read the words before he put hands on your shoulders. “You’re so strong, Y/N.”

“I’ll end up like him.” You said bitterly but your immediate sniffle iced any venom in your tone. “I’ll end up a pathetic loser that passes out in the kitchen… I’ll abandon the people that need me when they need me the most. I-“

He shook his head and pulled you in for a tight hug, cutting off what would’ve been the most self-degrading sentence you could’ve mustered.

“I won’t let that happen, mija.”

[hxhhasmysoul]

HOT TAKE : I dont understand why Chrollo is so damn popular. He is so boring to me. So yes, they have a fucked up childhood, yes he cares about his members, and yes he has identity crisis or something but still, he is so freaking boring. Maybe I just dont understand how he is one of the most complex villains to ever exist and how he is so deep etc etc.

Same with kurapika. I dont understand why its an unpopular opinion that he is a bad friend when it is evidently shown in the manga . Also his situation is very black and white. Its boring. Nothing much changed from him tbh.

Sorry it took me so long to answer your ask but you came to the right blog with these questions, you’ll find my understanding and support.

I also don’t get Chrollo’s popularity at all. Especially prior to the recent chapters.

I agree with you that he’s boring. His whole persona feels very fake, very rehearsed, like he practised edginess in front of the mirror. His words to Kurapika that other Spiders won’t try to save him felt to me so fake, especially how everything in that conversation was him trying to yank Kurapika’s chain (sorry for a bad pun XD). 

Even his mourning of Uvo feels like a performance. Like sure, I’m not denying he’s sad at that moment but he’s still very much in control of himself and performs the requiem. Even gets himself a captive audience to take a little edge off how shallow and silly his behaviour is. We see him truly affected after Hisoka kills Shalnark and Korotopi. After Chrollo fails to kill Hisoka despite pulling every dirty trick he could and his friends lose their lives as a direct result because he left them powerless. Before that we don’t even see him grieve Pakunoda. 

It all makes sense of course. Chrollo is a theatre kid as we learned recently. He really just took that theatre shit and made it his personality.

And that's boring because he’s a bad actor. He can trick a sheltered teenager, he can provoke an already unstable victim of his crimes. His little cult worships him. But people who look at him from the outside and have life experience like Zeno instantly see through him. 

Even Killua comments on how Chrollo just produces words with his mouth and they mean nothing. It’s such an amazing fourth wall break because it’s Togashi literally pointing at Chrollo and telling the audience this man is full of nothing but hot air. The way Chrollo speaks often feels like he read some deep sounding line in a book and he’s repeating it to wow the audience.

It is all very cult leader charm, you need to be primed for it to affect you properly. For me it’s boring and grating at times. Especially when we see him contrasted with almost all the other characters in the York New arc. We see the vivid connections the spiders have among them, how their levels of connection differ, how they have different attitudes to one another. It’s full of life and personality. And Chrollo there above them, always remaining above the fray, always performing his persona… he’s just such a nothing burger compared to that. 

Because there’s no pizzazz in his performance, no sprezzatura. It’s just fakedeep edgy boi acting like a throwaway cult leader while performatively denying he’s one… 

Chrollo’s kinda cutesy backstory doesn’t really make me care more about him. It just kind of highlights how fake he feels as an adult.

Why do fans like him? My uncharitable and biased guess is that they consider him hot and they like the edgy bad boi performance and just pour their desires of what they want Chrollo to be into that that vacuous husk.

As to Kurapika. Yeah, Kurapika is a bad friend and I have written it down here, I don’t have much to add to it.

Apart from that Togashi muddying the waters on the Kurta genocide makes things worse. It makes his whole narrative treatment of the genocide topic even worse than it’s been so far.

It may turn out that the Kurta did something horrible. And then the Phantom Troupe fans will use that as an excuse to whitewash the Spiders, even if one horrible act by a member or members of a group will never justify a genocide because nothing ever will. 

Even if it turns out that the Kurta did nothing to horrible, the seed of doubt is already there and the door to speculation whether their genocide was justified has been opened. 

And it also allows Phantom Troupe fans to skirt all the other murder that their favs have committed.

[akindplace]

Hi, you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, or if you don't feel up to it, that's ok. But I'd like to hear the advice of someone who actually lives with a chronic illness. My brother, who I love deeply and care for daily, is really struggling. He's in a lot of pain and life is unendurable to him. He says he's too weak to go outside, or to do anything that could maybe bring him a little bit of joy. He's angry and isolates and doesn't want to live anymore. I don't know how to reach him or show him that I care, he says I will never understand what is like to live with a chronic illness and therefore nothing that I say is useful because it's ignorant and uninformed. I've been reading about what to say and what not to say to someone who's chronically ill and I do my best to avoid harmful phrases. But he's truly so so pessimistic and in a very very dark place. All his doctors said his current state and quality of life could improve but he needs to show up for appointments and follow the treatments, but he's tired of diets and medication not working and going through painful tests and procedures and not seeing results. He's given up, on himself, his health, life. He just stays in his room, angry and resentful, and wants to die. I don't know what to do. I feel so powerless. Do you know what's the best way to help someone in this situation? He also refuses to go to therapy, despite admitting he's depressed. Ok, thanks for reading. Hope you're having a nice day, thank you for your blog <3

You seem to be in a really, really tough spot, it’s hard to watch someone you love suffer without being able to change what’s causing their suffering. It seems he is coming from a place of a lot of pain, emotional pain caused by the physical pain. Pain can often make us bitter and say things that we don’t really mean, pain makes us feel so overwhelmed and sometimes we snap even when we don’t mean to. It is exhausting, and he probably is and that’s also making his mood even worse. Being sick all the time really sucks and makes us put a lot of pressure on, but it’s also awful to watch someone hurt. It’s hard because going to the doctors can feel like opening a wound that needs to be dressed but only given a bandaid, it involves exams, and doctors might often act like it’s really simple to make things better when it really isn’t. I wonder if making a deal of sorts with him would help, like saying that he doesn’t need to commit to more intensive treatments or intrusive exams if he doesn’t want to because they’re awful but start off with the smaller things that could help, like taking medication or taking him out for a short period of time so he can be out in the sun and enjoy himself a little, or watching a movie he likes or playing a game so he is reminded that life can be joyful even if he is sick. Or encouraging him to get treatment that if he doesn’t like doing a certain treatment that it’s fine if he doesn’t want to continue but he should try.

Often times it makes us really uncomfortable because a lot of energy goes into getting to a clinic, chatting with personal there, explaining to the doctor what is going on (and sometimes they just don’t listen), it puts people with illnesses in a really vulnerable position and it sucks cause you get home exhausted and you need to rest a lot to recover and then by the time you’re a little better it’s time to go out again to repeat. Often times starting out with medication that helps with the pain/symptoms is already a huge step. I know it’s hard to watch him in pain and feel like maybe you can’t make him get treatments but encouraging him to take it in really slow baby steps to get help instead of doing something big that might make him even more exhausted might help out a lot. Telling him you’re in his side, that you’re there for him, those words of support really, really help, because being sick just makes us feel so vulnerable, and often the eternal cycle of going to the doctors might make a person feel so small, so it’s always great to do things that take his mind away from his illness even if just for a second. Having a blog helps me with things like that, trying to take a short walk also helps, reading, watching a comedy movie. Sometimes it’s better to take a break from all the appointments instead of forcing it because if he pushes it might make his health worse and the treatments might not have good result if he forces himself too much. Often we do push ourselves a lot more than we should, as if we could make up for being sick.

I’m not 100% sure what I’m saying is helpful but sometimes encouraging him in a very gentle way to do the smallest thing that can improve his health like eating regularly and taking medication in the right hours and cheering him if he decides to get one of the treatments and supporting him if he decides it’s just not being worth it after trying can be really beneficial. And doing things that don’t remind him of his illness can really help with his depression, because frankly being sick all the time can be so devastating, so hobbies that are easy to do for someone with an illness can be really helpful, things that don’t involve a lot of effort so it won’t tire him more or make his symptoms worse.

Trying to be communicative also helps because it’s comforting to know someone is there for them, it can be really hard to ask for help, especially when someone is feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. I think it’s great that you are working on that, on finding ways to speak to him, to understand his perspective and it’s wonderful that he has someone who cares for him and is willing to help. I hope what I said helps a little, I think you’re in a tough spot and it must be hard to want to help but not be able to completely take away his pain. I really, really hope things improve and that he feels a little better soon, and that you also remember to take care of yourself because you also need caring for, especially when you’re probably under a lot of stress trying to help him. I’m here. I hope things change for the better soon, and that you’ll both feel better. I’m cheering for you two. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[bungone]

you know what fuck it i make enough rant posts on this page already, what's one more

here's my personal experiences with UHC:

when I was about 11 years old I was having a lot of trouble with running and jumping and other activities I was expected to do a lot as an 11 year old. It got really bad at one point and my mom took me to my pediatrician who told me "yeah that's a specialist thing" and referred me to one.

our insurance (UHC) wouldn't cover it because I didn't have a diagnosis that would warrant it. even to 12 year old me this was really fucking stupid because how was i supposed to get a diagnosis if they wouldn't pay for my trip to the doctor to get a diagnosis?

Anyway, we did end up going (my parents had to pay out of pocket) and I got informed that there's an extra bone in my foot!! this was horrifying news!!

potential treatment includes:

surgery (expensive and not covered by UHC)

physical therapy (indefinitely, not guaranteed to change anything, expensive, and also not covered by insurance)

taking an ibuprofen daily for a week and then not for a week and then doing it again for a week, and not, and so on so forth, again indefinitely (cheap, i guess? nothing really for insurance to cover but the solution is effectively "fuck you deal w it"???)

anyway it's not something that can get better with time because there's a whole fucking bone there that shouldn't be so i've been dealing with that since. UHC won't cover anything for it because some days i'm okay! and then other days i try to stand up and crumple to the floor but that's not important because some days im okay! fuck you, UHC. i want to be able to run around n shit.

then there's the cost of blood tests which they won't cover because again, i don't have a diagnosis to warrant a blood test, even thought the reason i need the test is for the diagnosis, still stupid.

and also medication! i'm so happy it's covered by UHC (apparently a lot of other insurance providers wouldn't) but the copay on these!! is fucking insane!! tell me why the meds that keep me stable and functioning are like 50$ a month when they're "fully covered"!! that is not full coverage you are covering part of it!! why am i paying for something you're apparently covering the entirety of!! what the fuck!!

now none of this is really anywhere close to "that bad" compared to what other people have gone and continue to go through. I can't imagine knowing you or a loved one has a limited time to live and they could survive if insurance covered life saving treatment. It sounds genuinely awful.

but either way that's me, uh, fuck you UHC, my foot gets worse every year and has directly resulted in a bunch of other injuries that have permanent effects that only make my life more difficult. all could have been solved when I was like 11 but you said no :D!! least you could do is cover the cost of all the tape i go through and the cane. but no because your bottom line or whatever.

[dizautonomia]

So, I have to explain the magics system before I can really get into the lore with Arthur and his righthand, Vincent. The two I'll explain first because Arthur is the direct main threat to the main character!!

In NRFTI there are naturally manifesting power sets, its incredibly rare and usually does not usually have overt physical features pointing to who has the magics. But, very very rarely - a person will have an obvious feature, and it is always the eyes. An unnatural color in the eyes, because thats the "core" of the magic.

Arthur was raised in a family dedicated to finding and understanding the source of those unnatural power sets, having never seen anyone with overt magical features. Arthur himself has magic, as did his father, and his, you get the point - but ONLY Arthur has any sort of 'tell' for this fact. A golden ring around his pupils, something his dad had never seen before - so he inserted his own son as a testing subject. Raised his son to believe himself a God, due to his eyes. Arthur was only a teenager when he was moved into the position of a subject, and treated as a deity. His father poking and prodding at him, worshipping him, etcetera. Eventually, another worker in the facility got word of a teenage boy who had been born with bright violet eyes, so the Dodona family moved quick and managed to get legal custody of that boy and his twin brother - even though the brother had brown eyes. Arthurs family treated these boys like nothing more than objects, like a research book, very very different to Arthurs treatment - though his treatment was like 80% because he was the leaders son. Arthur had actually become friends with the purple eyed boy, Vincent, as the facility had named him. Arthur attempted to argue and get his friend better treatment, but was mostly unsuccessful in this, and it resulted in his own treatment getting worse and bordering violent.

One day, when both teens were being prepped for a surgery (to see if the inner body of a magics user was different to a normal human) Arthur called the procedure stupid. Suggesting that the root of the magics was obvious an right in front of them, the only features that actually changed. The eyes. So, the nurses dropped the idea for surgery, and called in the leader to test if that was correct - feeling a little bewildered that he had not thought of that yet. Soon enough, with multiple experiments done on multiple subjects eyes, they confirmed that to be the "core". And even discovered that they could drain magic from people, and inject it into others to see if they are a magic holder - because it would spark the eyes into becoming an unnatural color.

Arthur was quickly promoted to the leadership position of the facility on his eighteenth birthday due to his findings and his position as the figure of worship. His first act as leader was removing Vincent from testing, and making him second in command.

Vincents first act in a position of power was creating the very first Entertainment Branch, S.ENT - thus marking the decent from a highly corrupt and dangerous government medical facility into an organization of multiple other types of torture as well. Recruiting many others, and starting up multiple other types of experiments and branches. From sewing animal parts onto children with 'fusion based magics', to starting F.ENT and cults that all have fundamentally different or conflicting rules and beliefs specifically because Arthur found it amusing to watch his subjects argue, to discovering that there is a type of magic that has no assigned eye color at all - one anyone could have, and not know. Universe Creation.

Ohohohooho…

[jpbradley]

JP aten't ded [pancreatitis update]

So for those who don't know me; in 2022 I almost died of pancreatitis, it was a bad time. I was put in a coma and was saved by the hard work of the doctors, nurses and support staff of the NHS. I spent 4 1/2 months in hospital relearning how to walk and eat and over the past year have had a bunch of cool complications from that event.

We never really found out the cause and since then pancreatitis has continued to loom over me. Every time I eat and feel anything unexpected in my abdomen I am hypervigilant that my pancreatitis is returning and that I'll be hospitalised again.

Last week that fear became a reality. That also might end up being a good thing.

My experience of pancreatitis begins with back pain. I'm pushing 40 by this point and back pain is hardly uncommon for people my age, but this is constant, cannot be relieved by changing position and ultimately feels like a knife being driven into a tight knot in the back. This persists until it becomes impossible to sleep through the discomfort.

This is the symptom that woke me up last week. In the middle of the night I felt it combined with a stabbing pain in my abdomen, followed by vomiting; and remembered with terrible clarity the weeks of that pain I endured before my first admission. I woke my wife and, terrified, resolved to go to A&E.

At the hospital we went through the standard gamut of blood tests which confirmed that something was going on, and I sat in urgent treatment waiting for a bed to free up. The NHS is an institution under resourced by a government that seeks to destroy it and replace it with medical insurance that would force most working class people into debt so crushing they could never escape it.

As such the wait is long, and I spend a good chunk of it on the floor in a side room because every other position is worse. They don't have an answer for what I have yet (spoilers; it's pancreatitis) and so they can't prescribe pain relief. So I wait. My wife waits with me and I have to look up at her stricken face as she looks down at me powerless to do anything to help.

Being ill sucks and the toll it takes on the people who love you is terrible.

Eventually I have a CT scan (abdominal pelvis with contrast for you radiology fans out there) and a while later am moved into a cubicle where a doctor finally administers IV morphine. The feeling is fuzzy, the relief immediate. My abdomen still hurts a lot, the muscles strained from the vomiting, but the tension I had been unable to release from my body flows out of me and I fall asleep.

At one point I wake up and my wife is asleep in the chair beside me with her head laid by my side on the gurney. I feel grateful and guilty for putting her through this.

From there I eventually get moved to a surgical unit. It's here that we learn that after over a year of speculation we finally have a root cause for my pancreatitis; gall stones. Getting in early and not waiting until my condition for worse means we caught the gallbladder in the act. Motherf-

Sometimes the gallbladder produces stones and sometimes those stones interact with the pancreatic duct, causing the pancreas to decide the world is ending and move all of it's stocks into burning the gaff down. Their own gaff, where they fucking live. It is a dumb and anxious organ. I can relate.

The result was that a few days ago I had a very sexy cholecystectomy. As you can guess that's them taking the gallbladder out, in this case via keyhole surgery which has left me very tender but massively reduced my time to discharge from hospital. The doctor on ward rounds gave me the option of discharge the following day before he went away and spoke with his consultant who said; "Have you seen his history? Not a fucking chance, tell him he's staying" (I assume).

So is that it? Gallbladder gone and pancreatitis no more? Well- Maybe.

Pancreatitis isn't well understood. Gallstones are indicated and the most likely cause of pancreatitis in me. Other causes could be alcohol; which some doctors love to bring up as their pet theory, or cholesterol. Studies are ongoing into pancreatitis (my medical records are part of one of them) to understand the causes and also the varied survival rates among severe pancreatitis sufferers. So with that said there is a possibility it could return and despite everything I have to be constantly vigilant to make sure I am ready if it does.

Which brings us to the last thing I want to talk about, which is living with pancreatitis.

On the grand scale of things my living adjustment for pancreatitis is quite tolerable; I have to take synthetic pancreatin with every meal which allows my body to process things like fat and complex carbohydrates. I also no longer have a gall bladder, this means my body doesn't have a reserve of bile which is used to break down fat as it passes into the large intestine. As such for the next few weeks I need to be on a low fat diet and slowly introduce fats to build up a tolerance.

More difficult for me is the uncertainty around my body. I've never lived a particularly healthy life but before my illness I at least felt like I understood it. Where it hurt, what was wrong, how to know how to communicate that. These days my stomach gurgles and I find myself performing an itinerary of everything I've eaten to see if there's something in there that might cause me to suddenly collapse.

The uncertainty is draining but the vigilance I feel is worth it, and if there's one thing to take away from all of this it's; if you can please don't wait until it's unbearable to get help, please go early if you can and if it's nothing at least rule it out.

If you read all of this; thank you! I really appreciate it.

I just needed to get it out somewhere and because resources can be a little difficult to find/confusing about pancreatitis please feel free to ask if you have any questions and I will answer as best I can about my experience with the illness.

[plrplanet]

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[percontaion-points]

EATROD chapter 5

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Click here for the rest of the series!

Chapter 5

“These men come from Aerwyna, the land of dragons.”

All of the wolves being like “Wait, dragons exist? What the fuck? Why didn’t anybody tell us this?”

–somebody who actually read the previous books

Kieran didn't take me back upstairs, but led me back to a black Jeep. His face looked angry; red splotches dotted across his cheeks and neck. I felt a little bit bad about tricking Kieran; he’d been good to me. As good as I imagined it was possible. I just hoped he wouldn’t get in trouble.

The guy is literally compliant in holding you prisoner. Don’t feel sorry for him for a nanosecond. 

"Why are you so loyal to him? What has he done for you to make you so fucking loyal?" 

Kieran put his hand on the door and it clicked and whirred, scanning his hand. I tried again. “Look, I’m sorry.” 

He stilled. “I’m sorry that we tricked you. But we had to do it. I had to save Easton. You would’ve done the same thing.” 

His eyes met mine; they were cold. “Actually, I wouldn’t.” 

A chill passed over me. “Well, tell me then. Tell me why you’re so loyal to him. It has to be something. Something strong enough for you to be okay with all this shit that he does to other people. You're a good person. I can tell. And yet, you don't blink at all this."

The dude is loyal to the monster that is Elias, yet if Elias was on fire, Kieran wouldn’t piss on him to put him out. Got it. 

"He saved my sister. She had cancer, and she needed expensive treatments. Then she needed surgery. He paid for it all. He sent me to college. Got me out of the fucking ghetto that I lived in." He stepped closer, his face was so close to mine I could feel his breath. "He gave me everything. Took me away from my piece of shit dad that beat me every day. So, yes." He spread his arms out, indicating this whole world that Elias had going on. "All this stuff, it means nothing to me. Where I come from, it's a lot worse. And he saved me and my sister. So, yes. I can stand by and watch all this because without him, I'd be nothing."

So you jumped from one monster to the next. I really understand your priorities here, buddy. 

Simply because you’ve “seen worse” somehow means that it’s okay to sit by and watch as a man orders prisoners to fight to the death. 

Had James taken the fall for us bringing Easton back to life? Had Elias tortured him because of us?

[...]

He’d betrayed us, helped take us prisoner. Taken away my necklace. Stood by while they collared us like dogs. And yet… He’d saved us? 

Again, don’t feel too sorry for James. You and Easton were put into that impossible position because of James’s actions. 

“Get out of the shower, Elizabeth. Towel yourself off. Then go to the bedroom and wait for me on the bed.”

Chapter 5 summary: Guards take Liz upstairs to Elias, where he orders that she showers and changes. When she’s with him again, he begins the show… except as I said, it was already pretty well established that most of the world doesn’t know that dragon shifters exist anymore, so Elias trying to egg on the crowd kind of fails in that regard. 

Hunter beats the shit out of Easton, as the boys had previously agreed upon. James starts to do a spell, and then begs Elias to let Liz go down and say her goodbye to Easton. Down on the field, James tells her that she has about 20 seconds with the freeze-time spell he put over Easton seconds before he died-died, and how he’s trying to negate the power of the collar. He puts the necklace into her hand, and she brings Easton back to life. 

Obviously, this results in a lot of anger on everybody else’s part. Liz is taken back to the house by Kieran, who basically admits that he’s no better than Elias. (I said what I said about all of that.) Liz is then locked into a room, which she tears apart in search of literally anything she can use. Either a weapon to hurt Elias, or something she can use to communicate with the outside world. The only thing she finds is a drawer full of sex items. 

She wakes up in a different room, next to James. James is all beat up, but he’s healing as she watches him. She randomly decides that she wants to fuck him, despite the fact that she thought about how he’d fucking betrayed everybody not even a page earlier. They then start to go at it, which makes me so angry. 

[beetolbugs]

POINTING AND ADDING ON BECAUSE I WANT TO SAY SHIT IVE BEEN KEEPING MY GODDAMN MOUTH SHUT FOR THREE YEARS

continuously long post baby ALSO moots look away shh

uhh tw // grooming and manipulation i suppose

I don't usually go "ooo I am so popular" because I think thats bullshit but at this rate genuinely if you were around Jon's content pre-2020 you would've seen me around.

I was involved in the community, and behind the scenes. I was in his build crew in 2018 (right before it disintegrated, a direct result of HIS TREATMENT), I was his thumbnail artist AND on his team AGAIN through 2020, up until around October when I was having personal troubles and needed to step back. I worked for him, I worked with some of the people he worked with, hell I was one of the few who tried to vouch and encourage him getting into Origins as an excuse to do something new and expand his audience. I did body acting, building, skin-making, character design, thumbnails, his channel art, his stream overlay, his emotes. We'd hung out on servers, on calls, I'd seen plans for things he wanted to do and hadn't gotten the chance yet. You could say he was friends with a good portion of us, though nowadays if you asked he'd tell you none of us were.

So listen to me, just a little, when I tell you that we don't like him for a reason and that we can't talk about all of those reasons. It isn't our place to speak. We can only say that the way that others, especially close, reacted? It was justified. It's in reason.

The shit that happened in 2020 had been brewing for years. I'm not surprised it happened. What surprises me (and what originally made many of us distance from Jon to begin with) is how it was handled.

It's a situation from 2017. It sucks in both cases, Ashlie's technically worse. What wasn't acknowledged is how Ash stepped back from it. What isn't acknowledged is how Ash handled it in private first, back then. She stopped it and stepped away, and went to therapy for it afterwards, if I remember right.

What isn't acknowledged is how Jon probably could've gotten off if he hadn't not only handled it so horribly initially, but that he tried pressing charges and going as far as trying to send a Cease and Desist. And doxxed himself in the process, which was so incredibly stupid.

What people don't like to acknowledge is how Ashlie went on a long break to go to therapy again and waited for an okay from her therapist first before coming back. Jon didn't hesitate to wait and if you have been paying attention to his music, it's all written about the people he knew and his bitterness over it. His stories reflect it too.

What people ALSO like to skip over is that everyone who stood by Jon originally, all left after February. Only him. And I think that should stand, to the public, that something changed, and there has to be a reason. You do not lose your entire friend group like that without a reason. Take it as a sign, something is up. We didn't initially know the reasoning, but if you feel like you know these people at all then you know they wouldn't just do that without it being serious. Have fun with that.

He's said shit to not just me, but my friends, that at the time would be brushed off as a joke. But looking back? Its a little goddamn weird for someone who's 21 to be saying to a group of 15-17 year olds. The way he's acted to each of us was really fucking weird. Compliments you wouldn't say to someone five years younger than you. Especially with how things turned out, what we know personally, we found it EXTRA suspicious.

Don't get me started on how he would exploit people and manipulate them to get what he wants. Nor how little he'd ever credit the people who helped him. In the entire time I worked for him I don't believe I was ever credited beyond One shoutout in a discord while I streamed, and a shoutout on a stream that was deleted. Neither was anyone else. People who helped him with builds, skins, scripts, credit was minimal if nonexistent. Not even starting on whether or not those things would be scrapped without a word or warning. His older crew was especially subject to this, Davis running the future one had helped minimize it.

I could say plenty about his content, how I thought of it previously and what I think now. Plenty more on the shit I know alone, from people past and present from his community. I could say so much about my own personal thoughts about him. I could tell you how I wanted him to take time and figure himself out and get better. I can tell you its been three years and he still acts the same even on surface level and everything I hear about him personally, nowadays, sounds like he's just gotten worse. I can tell you that Ash grew a lot more, and that I'm proud of her.

I don't want to hear SHIT about people comparing them and saying she was worse. It was bad. She KNEW it was bad WELL before the callout, and Jon made excuses every step of the way. He still does now. She made efforts to change and better herself as a person, and he continued to joke about becoming an alcoholic after all his friends left him and didn't bother to apologize. She never did it again, and Jon has continued his behavior. Tell me again about how that's someone you want to look up to.

Hi gang

I see were talking about Jonathan Piss ass ToiletJon again

And as someone who was fucking THERE, WORKING FOR HIM WHEN EVERYTHING DROPPED

Oh my FUCKING GOD AM I SO PISSED OFF.

Welcome to my rant/vent

Mutuals look away Im sorry

Tw// for grooming and manipulation. General gross things in that area

Also Jinbop.

First of all Ashlie and Jon did was gross, but where Jon failed at literally everything Ashlie succeeded.

When the news dropped of what happened in 2017 Jon made a fucking video of him crying like a little man child, and then pressed charges (also doxxed himself like an idiot) WHICH IS INSANE BEHAVIOR. Even in his written respone he was only making excuses.

At that time I was in very close connection with him, I was on his build team, I played multiple games with him. He would come into vc and hang out with us for several hours, you could consider us friend maybe! I wouldnt.

But I was at the very least in a lot of personal servers.

So when things dropped I knew almost all of the behind the scenes BULLSHIT that was happening. How everyone waited for it to blow over and stuck by him. (I got kicked out of servers too cause people knew i was against him but I was still told everything by friends who were still in there)

Then February happened. And so much more, much worse things got exposed. From only his end. I won't mention who was involved, out of privacy reasons and because I dont want to drag them into this. But holy shit dude everyone left him after that. It was over, his gross behavior with minors (included me now that i think about, sir why are you calling me and my friends cute we are 15-) His awful and manipulative behavior with people he finds useful, how he treats his teams

. He never credited anything, I made his goddamn Dimensions s2 designs, Eddie made the skins. Only Eddie was mentioned, once on a stream.

Eddie also made designs and skins for Rosethorn, and got credited in video no less.

Its not that hard and yet!

The main point is

He was still acting in 2020, the incident was in 2017. And he was acting like this, in late 2020. Into 2021.

I wanted him to get better. I really did, I had been hyperfixated on this group of people for years it hurt a lot.

But its been almost three years and he infact has stayed the same!

He is a grown ass man acting like a toddler on a public twitter account, what makes this man some one to respect in any sort of way.

Theres so much more shit I know about this man, that I can't fucking say because of the people involved not giving me permission too. And I respect that. Thats their story to tell.

Now ashlie on the other hand.

Ashlie made a concise apology and owned up to her actions, shit she made sure not to happen again. She went to fucking therapy, she broke off that relationship first and has made so much effort to distance herself from that and apologize everyday of her life.

She went to therapy after breaking things off, and she went again after the callout just to double fucking check she wasnt a horrible person.

She initially handled everything that happened in 2017 in private, like youre supposed to do. Not have a public twitter meltdown. And in late 2020 still handled mostly everything privately. She wrote out a full explanation and apology that is still very visible on her yt channel, not her twt her full 100k subscriber yt channel

I THINK, THATS GROWTH and she should be respected for that. She's actively changed as a person from the 20yr that made mistakes

And what's crazy is that Max and Ross still make youtube videos with her.

Max and Ross, YKNOW. The people who made sure fucking Jinbop got arrested and stomp Sky's name into the fucking ground for the shit that Sky did. I 100% trust those two to make a decision about a person in their circle when theyre doing some FUCKED SHIT.

IN FACT, THEY DID DROP ASHLIE WHEN THE ALLEGATIONS CAME OUT. SHE WAS IMMEDIATELY KICKED OUT OF EVERYTHING INVOLVING THEM

And they came back. They came back and started making new things and videos with her, Ross is an active participant in almost all of her videos.

I think that speaks wonders about her.

Don't drag her name through the ground I respect that woman and all of her endeavors in the future, she has more than made up for the fact.

Jon is still an awful person, and I dont think he will ever change. He's had more than ample time to and acts like whinny child on Twitter. Actively tries to pull nostalgia bait on his dying yt channel and mocks his ex "friends'" work. I want him gone from the youtube sphere and to get an actual life.

[bylertruther]

thinking out loud here, but i'm still not over just how much will has been able to grow into himself even despite all of the outside forces in his life trying to prevent that.

in a pre-season one flashback, we see will wanting to go to a baseball game with lonnie even if he doesn't actually like the sport, because he wants to spend time with his father. he's hesitant to say anything negative about lonnie trying to force him to like "normal" boyish things and doesn't stick up for his own interests. jonathan then encourages him to like what he likes regardless of what anyone thinks and tells him that he especially shouldn't be listening to lonnie who we know has abused will for being gay. it ends with will saying that he genuinely does like the clash, being given jonathan's mixtape, and happily headbanging along to the beat. it's a step in the right direction and i feel that it, and the way that will is so unapologetically will and thus surrounds himself with all that he loves, proves that his brother's support worked. will knows that he can like what he likes, that he doesn't have to conform to other people's beliefs of what he "should" like, and that there are people who will support him and his interests.

in season two, we see that will is struggling now with the last part of this ordeal: other people's lack of support in him and his interests. will continues to be a nerdy artsy little dweeb, but he's struggling with feeling like an outcast. it's worse now because of the whole upside down stuff: now, instead of just being a fairy or a nerd, he's mostly zombie boy. at school he continues to get bullied and his friends and family's support has changed. instead of being comforting, it's now smothering. they treat him like a baby, like he could shatter at any moment, and that makes him feel like a freak. that's what upsets him. he doesn't want to change himself, he wants to change how people view and treat him. he doesn't resent who or what he is, he resents how others treat him as a result of it. it isn't "why am i this way?" it's "why do you all have to treat me like that? why must you make me feel bad for something that isn't bad? why don't you believe in me or see me?" and it's that treatment which leads him to calling himself a freak--something we haven't seen or heard him do before, and this is because now he feels like he has no one (except for mike) that sees him for who he was and still is. and again, jonathan offers will support. he reassures will that he isn't anything Bad, that he's cool and his Otherness is what makes him even better and cooler. that conforming is bad, because when did anyone "normal" ever accomplish anything? he manages to somehow find a silver lining in will's feelings of being excluded/other / changes his perspective on it and makes him feel better. he also then takes what will said to heart by giving him more space to be independent and letting him go trick or treating on his own; aka, he quits treating will differently and treats him as he would treat anyone else, which means the world to will because that's what he wants: equal treatment. it isn't his otherness that makes him feel like a freak, but the way that people treat him that does.

in season three, will is undeterred in his efforts to get the party to play games like they used to. he trudges on even when they keep saying no and sets up his game anyway. he dresses up for it, plays music for it, and really throws himself into being the dm, trying his best to immerse them all in this and have fun for once without caring to be "cool" or "grown up". will is treated as being childish for this, but he's really not. he doesn't give a fuck about being cool or what he should or shouldn't be doing at his age, as if games have an age limit and you're supposed to suddenly drop all of your interests for more boring things when you become a teenager. he continues to be himself unapologetically until his best friends make a joke out of him and his efforts. at the end of the season we see will donate his dnd books, but he isn't throwing this away forever or ashamed of it. he just has no intention of joining another party and so he won't need them in the meantime and wants to give them to someone who'll actually use them. he even tells mike as much by saying he'll just borrow his stuff if they still want to play. we're reminded of how he hasn't given up on dnd in season four, too, which shows him painting their party and telling mike about them playing games for the rest of their lives (something that mike tried to use against him in their fight, which again... will didn’t shrink away from. he said yes, yes i do want that, and left mike to sit in his shame for it). he hasn't given up on his interests, he's just done trying to beg them to partake in them with him.

and thennnn in season four we undoubtedly see will being even more open and more himself, even if it presents differently than we've seen it before. he picks alan turing for his hero presentation that he has to give in front of the entire class. he spends so much time on a secret "for his crush bc he's been acting weird" painting that's for mike and literally puts a cute heart on his shield lol. he's been acting weird and different to the point where el picks up on it and thinks he has a crush and so does jonathan when he actually spends sober time with him later on. this is the first time that anyone has clocked will on screen, which means he's been acting differently/more openly than he has before and it's obvious to those that observe him and know him. he clearly wants to tell mike about his feelings, but is too scared and doesn't want to hurt him or his sister. (and this was told to us by the duffers.) he's dropping domers on mike time after time in each and every heart to heart, many of which are secretly alluding to his sexuality or his feelings for him. he sings neverending story without caring. he tells mike they could all commit fraud in vegas so that they never have to work and could just play games for the rest of their lives. he literally confesses his love for mike and pours his heart out while gifting him the painting but then slaps el's name on it because he needs to get it out but doesn't want to hurt his friendship with mike. and then when jonathan confronts him in the kitchen he tells will what he's always told him year after year: that he will always be there, will always support him, will always love him, and that there isn't and never has been anything about will that could change his love for him. and will knows what jonathan is talking about here. it's no longer about sports or being babied. he knows that jonathan is talking about his feelings for mike/his sexuality. and he doesn't shy away from it or deny it. he accepts jonathan's love and says he'll always be there for him, too. he lets jonathan see him and the relief of that fucking breaks him because for once he has someone to help shoulder the burden of keeping it a secret, even if just for a moment.

like... i just don't have the words to describe how much i love will. will, who could very easily internalize the hate that people have had for him his entire life, but doesn't. will, who could very easily believe that his otherness, whether it be trauma or sexuality related, is something that makes him Bad, but doesn't. instead he feels better for it when he's with those that know and love him, who don't treat him any differently than anyone else. will, who is strengthened by love. will, who has been hurt and refuses to hurt others. will, who has been through so much more than he ever deserved, but has come out stronger because of it.

i just... i love him! so much! so, so, so much! his story is heartbreaking, but so inspiring, too, and it'll continue to turn around next season when he sees that he's surrounded by people who love him more than anything and don't think any differently of him for any reason, no matter what; when he realizes and truly believes that he is and always has been their equal, and that there's nothing that could ever change that.

[weirdsht]

warning: a long ranting character analysis ahead. its a character analysis but i put my own personal experience in it hence why a rant. also my vocabulary sucks and i might use wrong words im sorry in advance difuhgopeihpgerty

not sure if this is because i'm a humanities student or its just i can relate because of what i realized while trying to find out about myself but i have some 2cents about Cale's personality.

everything happened late to Cale and that has a big impact on his beliefs and values

it was too late when he met the Soos and became freinds with them. it was too late when that grandma doted on him.

because from what i learned its hard to undo your mindset specially when it has been built up since you were young

consciously or unconsciously

from since he was young cale probably unconsciously concluded that he isn't worth that much and that things could always be worse than this

thats why as long as his alive that's good enough for him. even if his barely on the edge of living with his plate in shambles

like even though Jung Soo and Soo Hyuk and other people he has met later on showed him and tried to teach him that what his doing isnt okay. that he should have higher standards and not just settle for "at least i'm alive". they can't really reset years of accumulated mindset

basically what im saying is its nearly impossible to undo trauma guys

specially with what he went through during his childhood since childhoods always have a great affect in our lives

it doesn't matter if the treatment change or the one inflicting it is gone, once you get used to thinking like that it's hard to turn back y'know

idk how to explain so i'll give a personal example instead

my mom is an overachiever and is very intelligent, and as her child she also expect me to be the same or even surpass her, she's also someone who has a lot of trust issues specially in relationships

imagine that mixing and being projected lol

so for years its just her grilling me to do better. saying that i'm lazy and not putting enough effort on my studies because i can't maintain being a honor student, not realizing the fact fact that maybe, just maybe it's just that i'm not as smart as her. even her standards are crazy high, just passing isn't enough heck a passing grade is a fail for her (asian mom's amiright)

and that also became detrimental to my social life because she's always comparing. she also keeps engraving that they don't really care for me and such and u know the typical manipulation

but nowadays she's calmed downed a bit. she's more open about me having friends and she isn't as strict about me being an honorable student

did that change anything? not really lmaoo

because in the back of my mind i'm thinking that if i dont do well she's gonna have an outburst again, or if i tell her about my friends she's going to say all sorts of things again and i don't want to lonely again. and so the result is me being constantly on guard and her wondering why im hostile

i hope that explains how it greatly affect things

you bring those thoughts and beliefs with you even when you grow up. even when things get better. whether you realize it or not

its really just something you can't get rid of honestly

and that's what i think happened to cale

unknowingly getting the share of White Star's curse made him lose everything he loves and care for

his parents dying

his uncle abusing him

him getting abandoned

just the world falling in ruin

all those things probably made him unintentionally come to the conclusion that he isn't really worth much, and view things that other people would consider necessity, the basic necessities, a luxury

i'd like to believe that maybe he was slowly getting rid of that toxic mindset when he was with the Soos

then boom

they dead now

and so since that's what happened the one time he let his guard down his walls built up even more and his coping mechanisms got worse than they originally were

so probably thats why he acts the way he does when he finally became Cale

that's why this lovable mfer is so guarded, oblivious and so annoyingly dense

i just want for him to break out of it honestly. it wouldn't even matter to me if he realizes it or not. tbh him not realizing it is probably better. just accept the love being given to you damnit

and i thank you, thank you for coming to my ted talk HAHAHAHAHAHHASDGIUUSTPGW

[ruby-whistler]

Why c!Dream should (and probably will be) redeemed

Hi! I’m bad with intros. You’ve read the title, so, let’s start with the definitions.

In this essay, we are considering the popularized definition of “redemption” instead of the classical one, which is, as per the Oxford Dictionary, “the act of saving or state of being saved from the power of evil; the act of redeeming.” That’s not however the way the word is used in fandom and media.

/dsmp /rp

The definition of redemption I’ll be working with in this essay is not forgiveness by the people who c!Dream has hurt, nor is it removing himself entirely from his past actions, but moreso the decision to change for the better and abandon destructive mindsets for himself and others.

A “redemption” in a narrative sense would be circumstances and a character arc that would allow that kind of healing and betterment.

I’d like to start this off by the fact that being “irredeemable”, in this sense, also doesn’t exist; redemption is a thing of conditions and choice, not of being allowed by someone else. You can’t gatekeep healing from people who seek it, just to be clear, and that even goes for people who have done terrible things.

Since I understand there is a lot of concern for c!Dream’s past actions, here is a post from people who are much more fit than me to speak on the matter, about the way in which they see a possible c!Dream redemption arc.

Another disclaimer, I am not going to be considering c!Dream only from the perspective of c!Tommy in this essay. c!Dream appears in other people’s perspectives and he himself has his own, unseen perspective. As a character, he is an individual person in his own right rather than just the antagonist of c!Tommy’s story, and so I do not have much concern for their narratives intertwining too much should this writing choice occur.

I’d also like to note that redemption is, in this sense, always a positive thing for everyone involved - someone who’s been prone to doing bad things in the past deciding not to do them anymore and try to change, or just simply heal enough to consider it, isn’t going to have a long-term negative effect in any of the characters, but rather the other way around. Healing is an unlimited resource, and the victims do not have to heal first for the person who hurt them to consider being better.

Here’s a well-written thread on Twitter that elaborates a bit to finish off this point, and let’s move on to actually talking about redemption in the context of the Dream SMP, and c!Dream specifically.

Why a c!Dream redemption arc is not only a good writing choice, but in this case the only good writing choice;

c!Dream, as we all know, has been subject to mental and physical abuse to the point of straight up torture by both c!Sam and c!Quackity (to different extents). He has been in indescribable amounts of suffering for the past 74 days at the time this essay will be published. That is six and something times the duration of the entire exile arc in canon.

Whatever the interpretation of his words in prison is, what is undeniable is first of all the fact his mental stability is absolutely crushed at this point, second that no human being could possibly ever deserve to undergo this, and third, his stay in the prison is showing off his humanity and making him out to be sympathetic.

Now, consider this; how would it feel if c!Tommy died at the end of the exile arc? Empty, there would be no catharsis to such an end, especially because of all of the hurt he’d gone through. Objectively, a bad writing choice.

Let’s compare, narratively of course, this situation to the prison arc. Even though I would never say one of them is “better” or “worse” than the other, since both are terrible and undeserved, c!Dream’s current state checks off all of the boxes that would make his death unsatisfying in the storyline; even if people want him gone, there would still be the dissatisfaction at the current build-up and why they even did it in the first place (it really wasn’t necessary to anyone else’s story to make him out as a victim, and yet they did) if they were planning to kill him off anyways. And since the prison arc is naturally meant to induce sympathy, even from an angst perspective it would simply not make sense within the themes and writing of the plot.

So, c!Dream can’t die, and he also can’t stay in the prison forever - the build-up must lead to something, which is logically a breakout. Great… what now?

Well, the Dream SMP prides itself in accurate representation of trauma and mental instability, specifically cc!Tommy and cc!Dream who have pulled it off incredibly during the exile arc.

Now, undoubtedly, after the prison, c!Dream is going to be just terribly traumatized- considering the writers�� past creative decisions, would it make sense for him to play the role of a dangerous, heartless villain in other people’s stories, while completely ignoring the logical fallout of what he’s been through?

In my mind, no. The most possible result is that cc!Dream is going to rightfully portray someone who’s been hurt so much he is broken, scared and tortured into submissions over months of agony and slowly stripping away of his agency, his dignity, his humanity. And that is… not going to be pretty, nor is he going to be in any way the same as before.

After everything, I’d be surprised if he can properly look at shears without shaking. That’s not villain behaviour, that’s the behaviour of someone who needs help.

Which leads me to another point, which is relatability. Believe me or not, there are people out there who heavily relate to c!Dream because they have been through things that allow them to see themselves in the character - abandonment, mental illness, etc. - or who have had destructive mindsets they have struggled to let go of in the past.

To them, as well as to the viewer, redeeming c!Dream could actually be a very good example, showcasing that anyone who has done bad things or has been hurt in the past can learn that it is possible to be better, to move on, to not be stuck in a loop but to actively seek help and then use that support to find the path to healing.

Making c!Dream a better person, who in a way, wins over his past, over his trauma, over the hurt he’s caused, and manages to actually get better… is inspiring, in a sense. It shows that you can abandon unhealthy mindsets, you can find a support group of people who care about you, you can make your life better simply by deciding to be better and then sticking to that, no matter how difficult the process.

This is why I believe that redeeming c!Dream would not be bad writing, but quite the opposite, and that the prison arc is an obvious set-up. Alright, but how does that work with the character? How could someone so widely hated mentally improve in such a seemingly violent and terrible environment? Would it even make sense within the context of c!Dream’s character so far? Well,

Why c!Dream has the capacity for healing and the Dream SMP the ability to provide it;

First of all, let’s remind ourselves that through c!Dream’s entire spiral he wasn’t ever directly given a chance to change. He was regarded as someone to defeat in order to accomplish a happy ending, or as someone who needed to be removed in order to achieve power on the SMP. Ever since the 16th, which is when the corruption of the character is the most obvious, there have been no attempts to reach out or to help him. I do not blame the characters for this - I am simply pointing out that since it has never happened before, we do not know how he would respond, and that, after everything he’s been through, any bit of kindness or compassion towards him will be a new concept he will have to learn to deal with somehow.

This point is especially driven home by the fact that both c!Quackity and c!Sam would often tell him he is a monster who deserves nothing but to suffer, and that what he’s going through is never going to amount to all the hurt he’s caused - basically removing any possibility for ever getting better (because by this logic, he doesn’t deserve support, and he doesn’t deserve to get better) from his line of sight.

He also hasn’t had a support system since shortly after the 16th, when his friends left him over c!George’s dethronement and made no effort to mend their relationship afterwards. c!Dream isn’t used to having allies and people on his side, but to being hated; again, wouldn’t that mean positive reinforcement could very well be all he needs to make the choice?

His bad mindsets - attachments are weakness, ends always justify the means, people will consider you a bad person no matter what you do - have been continuously proven right by his environment, even in prison. Any kind of subversion, plus an explanation as to why they are wrong, could be of great help to c!Dream.

Just another disclaimer; I do not believe c!Dream would change thanks to the treatment in prison, but rather despite it. His mental stability is non-existent at that point, and in order to get better he needs genuine emotional support from the people around him as well as to heal before he can redeem himself.

Alright, but… c!Dream has hurt a lot of people. Who would be fit to help him?

Let’s start off with the worst option and why it’s impossible the writers would even attempt this; c!Tommy.

c!Tommy has no responsibility to help or ever forgive c!Dream - not to say he could. The two, as it is, would drag each other down instead of helping in any capacity, and only make matters worse. The two of them shouldn’t even interact in the best case scenario - the best thing for both of them would be if they got enough healing and support individually that they could live around each other and not get their trauma or toxic habits triggered when interacting for whatever purpose of the plot.

So, if not c!Tommy (and c!Tubbo neither by extension), who could redeem c!Dream?

Well, he can’t do it on his own for sure. Being in nature with animals is nice, but further isolation from other people would merely help with the prison trauma, not with the state of his tendencies when interacting with others. He, once again, needs positive reinforcement from other people for him to heal properly.

There are two main options for this in my mind, and then there’s a few individuals he could also find comfort in, including people from both groups or those unaligned.

1) Kinoko Kingdom

From the people of this new country, c!Dream has never negatively interacted with c!Karl before, he has never hurt c!George and he hasn’t directly harmed c!Sapnap. Although the relationship with his old friend group could be difficult to rekindle, none of them have grudges against him that are too personal, and they have been canonically close friends since the beginning of the SMP, so it would be very much possible to rebuild burnt bridges. They’d be familiar, and with the addition of c!Karl they could be a good source of comfort for c!Dream after he either breaks out or is released from prison - just gotta convince c!Sapnap not to kill him first.

2) The Syndicate

From the Syndicate, c!Dream has never directly interacted with c!Nikki, and from what I know of her character she never seemed to be very affected by his actions - even doing his work for him when he was planning to burn down the L’Mantree. c!Techno is an ally who doesn’t have anything against him, and as for c!Ranboo, here is why I believe c!Dream being in the Syndicate could be positively influential on his character arc as well;

c!Ranboo and c!Philza have had a conversation about change, during which c!Ranboo made it clear he thinks everyone can change except for c!Dream; who, in his mind, is “too deep down the rabbit hole”. c!Philza replied that he thinks anyone can change if given enough time.

… you see what I’m getting at?

c!Dream has been implied to be an ally to c!Ranboo’s enderwalk state (or the state when he has access to his full memory), and hence would most likely not behave negatively towards him at all. While it might make it more difficult for c!Ranboo to deal with his own issues, it might also give him more motivation to get to the bottom of it as well, especially since he now has access to the person who, presumably, started this all. While this is going on, c!Dream would show himself in a much different light than c!Ranboo sees himin, which could lead to confusion, realization of the flaws in his own logic, and hence, positive character development.

Here’s a great post about why c!Techno as a character could be a great asset in c!Dream’s healing process & redemption, and why there is not much need to worry about him not knowing or finding out about c!Dream’s actions.

Of Kinoko Kingdom and the Syndicate, as far as I know, neither c!Tommy nor c!Tubbo have ever been directly involved with these groups, nor are they planning to.

Another important point to make is that, while c!Tommy needs to be kept away from c!Dream in order to heal properly, the same goes for c!Quackity and c!Sam in c!Dream’s case. While c!Quackity has high chances to interact with either Kinoko Kingdom or the Syndicate in the future, there’s an even higher chance, in that situation, that c!Dream would be offered protection, which is also important; there is no healing from trauma without the knowledge of safety, to some degree.

So, this was an essay as to why I think c!Dream’s recovery and redemption (one needs to come before the other, naturally) is not only extremely possible but also could be pulled off well and have a positive impact on both the characters, and the audience.

[love-kazin]

Mixed Feelings

Genre: friends-to-lovers, smut.

Pairing: Jang Wooyoung x Reader (female) x Lee Junho.

Warnings: a little bit angst in the beggining but it’ll pass soon, a lot of dirty talk.

Word count: 3.778.

REQUESTED.

You came to a conclusion about your feelings and also how to avoid it. It wasn’t your best idea, and gladly they changed your mind. 

-x-

"Taec just told me you're talking normally with him, so why aren't you answering any of my texts or calls?" and "Did I do something wrong? Or is it something I said? It's been almost a month since I heard about you from yourself..." were the first messages you saw after grabbing your phone to turn off the alarm at that cold morning. It was actually ironic how the weather seemed to match perfectly your feelings. Those messages weren't helping, not even a little bit. And Taecyeon was the one who could ease your pain, being the only person whom you shared your little secret. Which was why you had a meeting with him to get some lunch that day.

"So, how's your heart?" "Unfortunately, the same. I don't know what to do. But seeing you brights my feelings a little bit." "I'm touched. But seriously, you should just tell them. I mean, it's not like they're gonna turn their backs from you." "How could you know?" "I've been friends with them for more than a decade, so I guess I'm safe to say this. Plus, you're friends with us for at least the five last years, so we could never judge you or step out of your life. Specially both of them." "What do you mean, 'specially them'?" You stopped your fork that was tossing aside the piece of meat on your plate. The possibility of talking with Wooyoung and Junho that you liked them both and they tossing you to the side just like you were doing with that juicy meat caused you some nausea.  "If I may add this, to burst you some courage, I know Wooyoung has a little crush on you." "What?" "Seems like you have some positive effect on his life, which makes him ramble about you every time after you meet. About Junho, I can't affirm anything, but he also seems very fond of you." "That's crazy. I couldn't be lucky enough to have these two men liking me just how I like them." "You may find out, but you have to talk to them. They keep coming after me to discover things about your daily life since you cut them off. You don't want them to do this with you, so I don't think what you're doing is fair." "You're right." "You bet I am. Now, while you think about it, eat a little. The meat is perfectly tender." Nodding, you started to eat a bit as your mind went to a crazy place where those two guys liked you back. This couldn't happen. It'd be a total mess. But what was the difference between how you were all dealing with each other now? In the worst case scenario, they wouldn't like you and you'd probably step out of their lives a little, to soothe your heart. It was better to rip off the bandage once for all. "I'm sorry for the absence. I'm dealing with some stuff. Can you come over friday night? I wanna talk to you in person." As soon as you sended the text for Junho and Wooyoung, your phone was ringing like crazy. You just turned it off and shrugged when Taec looked at you arching his eyebrows. "I invited them over at friday. I hope we can talk through this." "I know you will, but I still wish you a good luck." Smiling, you finish your lunch just in time to go back to work. Taecyeon drove you off since it was on his way and you thanked him once again for all he has done and he just chuckled. "C'mon, how couldn't I help my favorite people?" He was truly the best friend in the whole world, and left after motioning for you to answer the - probably - 5th call after the invitation you made for those men. Sighing, you pick up the black phone almost lost inside that filled purse. It was Junho. "Why are you ghosting me? If you have something to deal, I can help you with it, and you know that! Do you know how worried I got? I was in another country and couldn't come to you, but it was the first thing I tried to do when I came back, but you weren't anywhere to be found. Then, Taec told me you didn't wanted to see me. Taecyeon, not you! You couldn't even tell me this? Seriously, after all these years?"  He was angry. His voice was kinda aggressive, just how you knew it would be. And you also thought that you deserved that treatment. Junho was right in every word he pronounced, but your heart still felt hurt. It made your heart ache because behind those words, you knew he was suffering too. It was the first time ever you have cut him off of your life in all those years. You got so caught up in your feelings that didn't even noticed when you started crying, and the tone in Junho's voice changed immediately.  "Wait, don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm just really preoccupied with you, I didn't mean to sound so rude. You know how I am. Please, stop crying. I can't deal with this if I'm not close enough to hold you." "Junho..."  He sighed.  "I'm not waiting until friday. I'm coming over tonight. We need to talk." "But... That's not only our business." "I know you cut Wooyoung off too. What did we do?" "It's not that, you didn't do anything wrong." "I'll bring him with me so we can all deal with this as soon as possible. Is that okay?" "Yes..." "Ok. I need to go now. But please, the only thing I ask from you is to not cut me off again. Not like this. If I do something, talk to me. Or even if I don't, but you feel something that put you some doubts, just talk to me." "Ok. I will. I'm so sorry. Seriously. I don't even know how I can start to apologize because of this." "You can tell me tonight why this even happened in the first place. Alright?" "Yeah... I'll wait for you." As soon as the call finished, you hurried to the bathroom to fix your make up before going back to the office, but didn't result as great since you looked paled and bothered, even with all that concealer in your face. "Hey, who's that guy from before? Are you dating?" Looking at your colleague with a expression that screamed 'what?', she saw your red eyes and how you were still sniffing. "Oh, did you guys break up? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to touch in a sensible topic." "Oh, no, is not that. We weren't dating. We're just friends, really." "So why are you crying? I know you're not feeling so good lately, so I'm a little concerned. I never saw you look like this." "You don't need to bother, I'm just dealing with some stuff." "Wanna talk?" "It's a little weird topic, so it's better if I don't talk about it." "Well, if you feel like it, I'm here, ok?" "Thank you." You were so anxious about finally confessing and not knowing the reaction you'd get that the day passed quickly enough to make you even more nervous. Soon the clock was hitting the 5PM and you were heading home.  "I wish you good luck with your stuff!" The girl from before said when the elevator opened to the parking lot in the building. Thanking her once again, you got on the car and on the whole way, your mind was working on what to say to Wooyoung and Junho. What would be their reactions? And what was that about they having feelings for you? Nothing was making sense. And these questions stayed on your mind until the door bell ring loudly on the apartment just after you finished showering, but those guys behind the door didn't gave you any time to dress before. "Jeez, I was on the shower!" "Oh, sorry..." They looked like they never saw a woman in a towel before, turning their heads to the side. "Come in, I'm gonna put on some clothes." Wooyoung and Junho were sitting on the couch, looking apprehensive when you came back dressed comfy and serving some beers.  "So, are we gonna talk?" "Oh, straight to the point." "You didn't answered me in almost this whole month, come on. What's happening?"

Wooyoung looked really desperate, which only made you feel worse.  "I'm sorry I put you guys through this, but the thing is I've been dealing with something that I don't want to, and I don't know how to break the news for you." "Are you dating? That's why you don't wanna talk to us anymore? Did the guy told you to back off from us? Because if he did it, I need to talk to him." "He can't tell you what to do! Who the hell does he think he is?" "Wait, no. I'm not dating anyone." "Oh. But do you want to? Because I know a guy." Junho only looked in disbelief at Wooyoung. "Well, If I can say this, yes. But that's not up to me anymore. Not at this point." "What point?" "Ok, let's do this. The reason why I've been distant is because... I mistook what I feel. I thought it was only a deep friendship, but it's not." "What do you mean? Do you like someone?" "I do, yes." That answer hit them hard. Wooyoung felt like his heart was being crushed, while Junho started to think that what he felt could never work well.  "And that's why you stopped talking to us? That doesn't make any sense." "Well, it does for me, since I don't know how to deal with this. I mean, how could I tell to two of my closest friends that I like them?" Junho choked on his drink, being the first one to understand the situation. Wooyoung looked lost. "What are you talking about?" "I'm talking about that I like you both. I really do. And I tried to not to, but that doesn't seem to work. I thought the best I could do was staying away, since you both couldn't like me as well. And everything would be a total mess if other people found out. But Taec told me that if I don't want you both cutting me off of your life, then I shouldn't be doing this to the both of you. So here I am, confessing the reason behind the mess I made." "Are you serious?" Nodding, you finished you beer while they tried to process what you just said.  "But what do you mean by us couldn't be liking you as well?" "Ahn, I... There's no way you'd be liking me. Like, not the both of you. Not at the same time. That would be crazy." "Well, but that could happen." "How?" They looked at each other before finally breaking if off for you. "I know I'm kinda slow for a few things, but I couldn't not notice how Junho look at you, because it's the same way I look at you." "How do you guys look at me?" "Like you're the missing piece of the puzzle that's our lives." "Wait, what?" The burn in your cheeks could be felt, so you were probably looking like a tomato that moment. "We both like you. I don't know what kind of spell you put on us, but it worked well. This almost feels like magic, because it's too crazy. Even more knowing it's mutual." "Yeah. And we talked, you know. We've been friends for such a long time, so we should know how to work this out. But I wasn't prepared to you returning these feelings." "We also tried to talk to you, but since you ghosted us, it was hard. It's not something I wanted to say on the phone. Now I'm kinda lost." "We didn't think that you'd like us both, and to not break anyone's heart, we should just talk about it and move on. But how do we do this now?" "One thing is the both of us having feelings for you without any real chance of being mutual. Another thing totally different is you actually having feelings for us. At the same time. It'd be unfair to choose just one." "So are you saying we should all just forget about it and move on?" "I'm actually thinking how we all could make this work. Not breaking hearts, just healing them." "What do you have in mind?" "Well, you know, it's a new century, people are more open minded to try new stuff. Couldn't we try some arrangement?" "Like, sharing me?" "When you put it like that, sounds kinda weird. Why would we share you if we could have you entirely at the same time?" Then it hit you. The three of you, together, at the same time and in every way.  "But how could we know if this works well for us?" "Trying. Come here." Junho got up from the couch and offered you his hand to take you out of the floor. Then he held you in his toned arms, like you were so precious that could break at anytime but loose enough to not do it. His eyes focused on your lips while Wooyoung's breath hit your neck. The both of them were so close that made you intoxicated but as soon as their lips found your mouth and neck, you forgot everything but them. The feeling of being kissed by the two guys you liked the most at the same time was crazy, something you couldn't describe, but it made your body burn wanting more. More of that, more of them.  "I guess this is gonna be very good for us." "Then let me kiss you to verify this." Chuckling, you turned your back to Junho, feeling his hands attaching at your waist immediately, while his mouth traveled through your shoulders and neck. You didn't had time to think about how good that felt, because Wooyoung made your senses get lost in his sweet kiss. You felt dizzy with those two men changing all your perspective of intimacy. They only kissed you but you felt more connected to them than to anyone in your life. So the urge to feel more like that started to be build up inside of you. "We'll only go further if you agree with it." "Now that I'm finally able to be with you both, I'm afraid if I let this chance pass, it won't happen again." "I think I can speak for the both of us that if you want us, then we'll be with you." "I do. I really do." "So it's sealed, honey." "We're your men." Hearing that made your knees weak, but luckily they were holding you tight.  "Then make me your woman." Junho took that as a challenge to turn that night into the best one you have ever lived, and Wooyoung didn't thought twice before kissing you again. Your hands went to Wooyoung's chest, feeling him breathing heavier as the kiss got more heated, and just when you broke the kiss to regain some air, Junho sinked his teeth on your skin, making you feel like you would combust at anytime and moaning at the sensation.  "Should we take this to the bedroom?" "Please." Wooyoung was the first one to sit on the bed, calling you with his lips already plump, and you went like he had you laced around his finger. You made his lap your seat, kissing and biting his neck, while he slowly opened the buttons of his shirt, making easy for you to just slide the fabric to the sides while your lips tasted his smooth skin, until Junho's hand got entangled in your hair to make you look at him. His already naked chest was almost calling your lips, and you couldn't help but moan when he pressed his mouth roughly on yours while Wooyoung made you grind on his hardening cock. In no time your shirt was flying across the room, and at the same speed, Wooyoung's mouth was attached to one of your boobs.  "You look so pretty like this." You could only show Junho a little smirk because he didn't gave you enough time to even think about an answer - his fingers traveling around your body. Kissing Junho was kinda hard because the only thing your mouth wanted to do was moan how good that felt, but it became worse when you felt his hand slipping through your shorts and circling your pulsing clit, making you roll your hips to get a better friction. Wooyoung cut the teasing to get rid of the clothes on his way and Junho got the chance to lay down and call you to take off his jeans. His dick was hard against the black fabric of the boxer, and your desire to taste him only got bigger. You started to kiss his body but didn't got to tease too much - his hand on your hair directing your lips for a better use. Taking off his underwear, you left little kisses on his cock, licking and circling the tip with your tongue to adjust better in your watering mouth. His shaky moans were getting you even more wet, which Wooyoung seemed to  enjoy a lot. You could feel Wooyoung's boner poking your ass, since you were on all fours, and rolling your hips on it was one of the best decisions because he sounded so pretty getting lost on you. He couldn't wait much longer so his fingers went to your pussy to prepare you for him. "You're so wet. Is it all for us?" You could only moan in response, since your mouth was pretty busy working on Junho. "Then let's have some fun, honey." His fingers spread the wetness on your folds, not taking too long before inserting one inside you, but it wasn't enough and you wanted more. His fingers were long and touched you just right. Plus, with the way Junho was grunting under you, it wouldn't take long for your legs started to tremble. Your body was aching for more of them, and you needed to let them know. "Please, just fuck me already." "Hm, should I? What do you think, Junho?" "She's doing good, so maybe you should give it to her. Are you gonna be a good girl and spread your legs for Wooyoung, sweetheart?" "Yes, let me be good for you, Wooyoung." Your legs opened up a little more, giving him all access to your dripping pussy, but he suddenly got up from the bed and you looked at him with a puzzled expression, until you saw a package of condom on his hand. "Hurry up and take me, Wooyoung." "You're so needy for me, aren't you?" You could only moan as you were feeling his covered dick slip inside of you, making you squirm and grab Junho's thighs to regain some composure. "Looking at you, taking him so good. Are you gonna be a good girl for me too?" You almost felt embarassed because Wooyoung was going in such a good rhythm that you kinda forgot Junho also needed a release. "I want to feel you coming undone on my mouth." He left some curses under his breath while your mouth went down on his shaft, taking almost all of him at once. You felt the tip of his cock on your throath and gagged a little, taking him out of your mouth with a plop sound to regain some breath and dive in to pleasure him once again. "Take it easy, baby. Don't need to be so eager, I'm gonna be here the whole night for you." The sweet sound of his voice full of malice almost made you smile, if you weren't trying to work him up very nicely. Your right hand went to cup his balls, making him moan your name and you could swear it was the prettiest sound you have ever heard. Along with Wooyoung picking up his pace, you felt like you were in heaven. "You keep clenching on me, it feels so good." "Look at you, baby, being a good girl for us. Hm, take it all, honey. You look so pretty getting fucked." Junho's dirty talk was making you tremble. You felt your knees get weak at every filthy word that escaped through his lips, and the smirk on his face was only helping to make you reach higher and higher. "You like that dirty talk, don't you, love? Are you gonna cum on my dick? Do you want it?" You felt Wooyoung's tender voice reaching your ears while his hand went to work on your clit, making the pleasure almost unberable and you moan against Junho's twitching cock. Everything felt so good, none of you would last long at that time. Applying some pressure, you sucked Junho a little harder, making him squirm under you. "I'm so close, baby. Don't stop. Let me fill up your pretty mouth." He rolled his hips almost making you gag again, but you got a little used to it, so it only helped to reach more of him, making him gasp and call you name repeatedly as he came hard. You swallowed everything before letting go of him, focusing on Wooyoung and your pleasure at once. His hips snapped so right against yours and his fingers worked like magic on your clit, you were almost seeing stars. "Wooyoung, I'm gonna cum." "That's it, love, cum around me." You could feel his thrusts getting sloppier, your legs trembling and your walls squeezing Wooyoung's dick inside of you, while he estimulated your clit and Junho looked at you with shiny eyes, and it was too much to handle. You came undone around his shaft, moaning loud and getting breathless. Wooyoung didn't last much longer since you were holding him so nicely inside of you. You didn't want him to let go, but he made up for it pampering you with kisses while Junho looked for a towel to clean all of you. You never felt so loved before. "Do you feel good?" "Absolutely. Do you guys too?" Junho hummed positively, laying down and putting you on his embrace, and Wooyoung hugged you from behind. "Never felt better. I'm glad you accepted us." "I'm the happiest for being yours." "Ten more minutes and we're gonna make you even happier, baby." Oh, this is going to be a very good relationship. 

[extremelyblackandwhite]

scrubs - 4.

pairing: doctor!sebastian stan x biomedical scientist!reader

warnings: angst, swearing

< previous chapter

    - So ... - Miriam rolled her chair near Y/N’s, a little smirk on her lips as she finally caught her without any trainees surrounding her and without any particular tasks. She was merely looking at the printed reports from everyone in the laboratory, double checking and adding some notes as well as writing her suggested course of treatment if necessary for any doctors who chose to took her advice. - How is he?

     - Miriam, the last thing I am going to talk to you about is my sex life. 

     - Yeah, because you never really had one but now it is interesting. Come on, is he soft or is he aiming to be the doctor version of Christian Grey?

     - He’s a nuisance, that’s what he is. - she pushed her glasses back on, returning to her paperwork but Miriam was keen on not letting that happen.

     - What’s his place like? Is it a bachelor pad?

     - Listen to me, I am tired, I am slightly hangover and sore in all the right places. Now do with that what you will and let me go back to my work. - she pushed Miriam chair with her foot, sending the office chair rolling away from her. 

The day was mostly non eventful. She dragged herself through sleep and headaches, supervising over the newbies and even running some tests herself, at least those which didn’t made her more nauseous than she already was. Turns out the whole of New York decided to have infections as of late as it seemed only her department was being swallowed with samples after samples and more samples. Luckily for her, only 5% per cent of them required her to write down a very polite email calling the upstair staff incompetent due to changing names and even genders. How hard was it to insert the numbers into a computer and print a right label? Apparently too hard. 

As she finished filling out the error filled paperwork and signing some portfolios for training biomedical scientists, the laboratory manager entered her department. He was a man in his 60s, mostly business related and if the rumours were to be believed, only became a biomedical scientist so he could eventually manage something. Y/N deeply disliked him, the moment she started training back when he held the position she held now, he only called her sweetheart and constantly made snide remarks about how the medical industry was starting to be overtaken by women. Yet again, he was still her superior and as such she had to answer to him.

    - Miss Y/L/N. - she grimaced. Great, he came her to talk to her. - Where are Dr. Stan’s sample results?

    - Which ones?

    - You know which ones. The ones which should’ve been delivered yesterday, sweetheart.

    - They were labelled wrong. If I had gone with it, the hospital would be open to all sorts of liabilities. 

    - Now, sweetheart ... - he put her hand on her shoulder. - I would love it if I didn’t get the chief of medicine complaining to me each day about his doctors getting his test requests denied by my staff. I do not care if you and Dr. Stan slept together, I don’t care who you take to bed, I do care about having people complain to me about you. 

    - My personal life has nothing to do with my professional life, sir. 

    - Those results better be delivered today.

She saw red as the man left, and looking to her right she saw the file containing the precious results. Normally she wouldn’t push cases in front of the others but this, oh this was an important. She grabbed the file and headed towards the staircase, not even bothering to wait for the lift. Y/N made a beeline towards the reception where most of the nurses were.

    - Do you know where Dr. Stan is? 

    - Looking for seconds? - Y/N ignored the harsh remark and merely took it upon herself to find the man who’d better be off dead. She made it to the locker area where most of the make shift bedrooms were. If she was correct, and she was, Dr. Stan would probably be sleeping in one of those bedrooms.

She made through them with a thunderstorm rage, walking from room to room despite the warning from the nurse. Normally she’d let healthcare staff sleep, the shifts were unforgivable and sometimes you just needed a quick nap for 30 minutes so you wouldn’t go inside. Dr. Stan, however, was no longer deserving of said nap and instead of waking him up by screaming in his hear, she merely let all the heavy files fall on top of his face. He woke up in a frenzy, looking side to side before looking at his pager. 

   - Here are your results, Doctor. - she gave him a passive aggressive smile.

   - Thanks?

   - Next time you want your results on time maybe label the samples right. I mean, why go through all the trouble of sleeping with me and then telling it to my laboratory manager so you can get your results? It’s easier to fucking know how to use a laptop.

   - What?

   - Fuck off, Sebastian. - she turned around to point her finger at him. - Why don’t you just go and page the whole team about you sleeping with me?

   - Y/N, wait up ...

   - If you need anything from the laboratory talk to Miriam. Don’t you dare ever speak to me ever again.  

She was severely disappointed in him, hurt even, and for the first time she had to hold herself together not to start crying in the hospital wings. She always thought he at least respected her as a professional but clearly he did not. Everyone was commenting about it and she could even hear some remarks thrown her way, poking fun of her attitude and even asking if she came back for more and she found it harder and harder not to break down crying. As the lift doors closed, she cleaned the tears that had start to pool up on her eyes. She munched on her lip, hand in front of her mouth as she tried to pull herself together. It’s only gossip, it’ll be okay and she’ll be damned if she let anyone bring her down. She wouldn’t be the first woman to have a night stand and definitely not the last.

She walked in the laboratory with the goal of continuing to do what made her happy and that was run some tests herself. Sure her new position was good and it gave good pay but it was mostly training graduates and do some paperwork as well as look for mistakes. Hadn’t it been for her, this hospital would’ve gotten sued a thousand times. 

    - Stop being in a fowl mood.

    - Leave me alone, Miriam. 

    - Since you’re already ready to kill, Elizabeth has been on break for 30 minutes longer.

     - Seriously? Why didn’t you do anything? 

     - You’re the supervisor of the microbiology department, I am merely your best friend. - she rolled her chair by her side. - Besides I want to go on my dinner break, please.

She rolled her eyes at this comment, getting up once again to go upstairs. It was almost a mechanical move and for the first time, the detail oriented scientist was as distracted as one could be with everything but details in her mind. Maybe had she not been distracted, she would’ve noticed the sheen in the stairs. Unluckily for her, she only noticed it once her head thumped against the stairs, almost as if her head had hit a trampoline surface. She grimaced, pushing herself on her hand to feel her ankle gave up on her whenever she tried to get up.

     - Are you okay? - Miriam checked, poking her head out the laboratory only to see her on the stairs. - Y/N, it is not the time to be dramatic or to be sleeping, I’m hungry.

    - I can’t get up. - she grumbled, sitting down to massage her ankle. Miriam jumped from the laboratory, walking up to her. - My ankle hurts and my head is pounding. 

    - Oh okay, hum ... hold yourself on me, we’ll get the nurses to check on you. You’re fine, right? You’re fine.

    - Yeah ... - she grimaced once again as she got up, arm over Miriam’s shoulder as he led her to the lift. First she sleeps with the Doctor who is intent on burying her reputation, then the whole hospital gets to know about her drunken one night stand and then she falls on the stairs. It just can’t get any worse, can it? Well, of course it can. 

    - What happened there? - Dr. Stan perked up from behind the desk where he and some nurses were looking at the files. 

    - None of your business. 

    - Y/N fell and hit her head, also her ankle hurts. - so much for none of your business. 

    - Sounds like my business. - he walked up to the two women but Y/N merely rolled her eyes. - Come on, I’ll check it.

    - I’d rather be run over by a car.

    - Great. - Miriam interrupted Y/N before she decided to walk back to the laboratory even with a painful ankle.

Great. It can get any worse. 

taglist: @rebekahdawkins​

[thelazyhermits]

Y’all I just thought of an awesome TABF AU. I’ll talk about it underneath the cut.

So, y’all remember what I told y’all about Fortune’s past before getting involved with the underworld? Aka her parents died and none of her relatives wanted her cause they thought she was cursed for predicting her parents’ deaths which led to her cousin selling her to pay off a debt?

Well, I just had a fun thought which led to this AU. Instead of ending up with a cousin who sells her off to the underworld, Fortune ends up with a nice elderly lady, who’s a relative of hers, who doesn’t think it’s fair how everyone else in the family has been treating Fortune. She doesn’t have any kids of her own and isn’t married, so she takes Fortune in after her parents die in hopes of providing a good home for her.

Here’s the kicker. The relative lives in the same neighborhood as Midoriya and Bakugou.

Yes, that’s right, folks. I’m talking about a childhood friends AU cause what could be better than that?

Since Fortune is three/almost four when her parents die, Midoriya and Bakugou are just babies at the time she moves in with her relative. Because of that age gap, she doesn’t really hang out with them at first even when they get older.

Plus, she’s the type of kid who keeps to herself due to her parents’ deaths which she blames herself for. Since she sees herself as cursed, she thinks it’s better not to get too close to anyone.

That all changes when she first sees Bakugou and his friends picking on Midoriya. Before she even realizes what she’s doing, she’s running over toward the boys and gets in between them to protect Midoriya.

Bakguou’s friends immediately start backing off cause this is a girl they’re dealing with, an older girl at that. Bakugou, however, stands his ground cause he doesn’t back down from any challenge.

Bakugou recognizes Fortune as the weird girl in the neighborhood who doesn’t have any friends and is rumored to be cursed. Being the brat that he is, he brings that up, thinking she’ll back down once he does.

Surprisingly enough, Fortune doesn’t. While his cruel words hurt, they also make her surprisingly irritated.

It’s because he’s the first person to be so openly rude to her. All the other people would just talk about her behind her back, so she’s not used to guys like Bakugou.

In the end, Bakugou’s words have the opposite effect than he intended since they cause all the negative emotions Fortune has been suppressing to finally overflow. She finally hits her breaking point.

As a result, the two end up butting heads which eventually leads to them brawling. Even though Fortune has never been prone to violence up until this point, she’s fighting as hard as she can cause she’s stubborn as hell and does not want to lose to this kid.

Surprisingly enough, despite her inexperience, Fortune doesn’t do a half bad job at fighting. She’s able to hold her own pretty decently, which is a first when it comes to people going up against Bakugou since he’s used to beating anyone who challenges him.

Eventually, Midoriya is able to break up the fight when he points out how late it has gotten and how Bakugou’s mom will coming looking for him soon, which Bakugou obviously wants to avoid.

As a result, no clear winner is decided, which Bakugou is obviously displeased about.

That’s why he’s quick to say he’ll be coming back for a rematch the next time he sees Fortune. After that, he leaves the playground on his own since his friends ran off when the brawl started out of fear of getting in trouble for messing with an older girl.

The only ones left are Fortune and Midoriya who both ask each other at the same time if the other is alright, much to their surprise.

Thankfully, Fortune isn’t too bad off, but Midoriya still wants her to come home with him so she can get her scrapes treated.

Fortune is surprised that he’s showing so much concern on her behalf considering he must know who she is. After all, this isn’t the first time the two have seen each other due to the neighborhood being small.

Midoriya tells her that he doesn’t think she’s cursed or a bad person. There’s no way she could be when she was kind enough to defend him. He thinks she’s amazing for standing up to Bakugou the way she did.

He’s the first person other than the relative who took her in to ever say that to Fortune, so she’s incredibly moved by his words and quick acceptance of her.

Even though his words won’t change what happened in the past, they do give her some hope for the future.

Ever since that day, Fortune and Midoriya have been good friends who support each other through thick and thin. You can hardly find one without the other outside of school due to how close they’ve become.

Since she’s older, Midoriya using “nee-chan” at the end of her name, which Fortune finds absolutely adorable. She loves to dote on him like he’s her real little brother.

Another figure that’s often seen around those two is Bakugou because he’s always challenging Fortune to rematches, which she always accepts.

At first, Fortune and Bakugou can’t stand each other, but as time passes, that changes as they start to learn more about each other.

Thanks to Fortune, Bakugou learns early on how his treatment of Midoriya is unacceptable and puts an end to the bullying once Fortune gets through that thick skull of his and helps him get through all those negative feelings of his.

Brawling is still the norm for them, but there’s never any animosity involved. They’re just two stubborn individuals who hate to lose and want to keep getting stronger so the other won’t get ahead of them.

So, they’re friends but won’t openly admit it. They’re quick to butt heads but will just as easily throw down with anyone messing with the other.

Over the next few years, those three become quite close, which leads to Fortune eventually telling the boys about what happened to her parents.

Naturally, neither of them think she’s to blame for what happened, and they’re both upset that so many of her relatives treated her like a curse.

Their acceptance means the world to her and helps her to finally put those doubts she’s been harboring behind her so she can finally move forward with her life.

After that, the three become closer than ever, which is why the boys take it so hard when things eventually go south.

When she’s ten years old, Fortune gets kidnapped by a man related to the underworld who saw her one day brawling with Bakugou. He thought she’d be perfect for cage fighting and would be a real hit with the crowd.

The reason he decided to target her instead of Bakugou is because, according to his research, the only person who would bother looking for her is her old relative who really can’t do much.

Naturally, he was wrong.

When Midoriya and Bakugou find out that Fortune has vanished, they tear through the town looking for her, ignoring all the adults who tell them to leave this matter to the police and heroes.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard and long they look, the boys never find her.

However, Midoriya and Bakugou both refuse to give up. Instead, they swear to find Fortune one day which is why they become even more determined to become heroes.

Another side effect of that day is that the boys become protective of each other since you never know when something else might happen. Bakugou especially becomes overprotective since Midoriya is Quirkless and nowhere near as good at fighting as him or Fortune.

Despite Midoriya’s Quirklessness, Bakugou doesn’t ridicule his dream of becoming a hero. He just tells Midoriya that he’ll have to play things smart if he really wants to become a hero ergo Midoriya will need a plan and will need to train like crazy, which is exactly what they both do.

During the next nine years, while the boys are training to become heroes, Fortune is in the underworld forced to fight as The Prophet like in TABF canon. Unlike in TABF canon, Fortune often tries to escape the underworld because she knows she has people who are waiting for her back home, but unfortunately, all her escape attempts are foiled.

To make matters worse, she learns thanks to her Quirk that her relative who took her in dies a year after her kidnapping. Her grief was just too much for her old heart.

In the end, the only thing that keeps Fortune going during those long, hard years is the visions she gets of Midoriya and Bakugou. When she sees how they haven’t given up on finding her, it makes her want to keep fighting, so that she can one day see them again.

Thankfully, things finally turn around when Fortune confronts Tokumei about the USJ attack which leads to him sending her to UA and erasing her memories. Fortunately, the memories of her visions related to Midoriya and Bakugou don’t get erased, so she remembers who they are.

Although, she doesn’t remember what happened to her or how exactly she came to know them. She just knows that they’re important to her and that they’ve been looking for her.

That’s why after it’s decided that Fortune will be Aizawa’s TA she asks if a meeting could be held with Midoriya and Bakugou before class starts on her first day as a TA since she has a feeling they’ll recognize her as soon as they see her which would cause a big scene if their reunion happens when she walks into the classroom.

Since this is a chance to get more information on her, Aizawa and Nedzu agree to her request. Thankfully, Midoriya and Bakugou get to school early that day, so there’s no issue with getting them to come to the principal’s office before homeroom.

Bakugou is suspicious about the whole situation while Midoriya is worried that they did something wrong since why else would they be summoned to the principal’s office?

Once the boys are brought into Nedzu’s office, Nedzu explains how someone had wanted to see them before classes begin. This prompts Fortune to move out of the chair she had been sitting in which kept her hidden from view since the chair was facing Nedzu’s desk with its back to the door.

As expected, Midoriya and Bakugou are shocked when they see Fortune. They recognize who she is immediately.

Once the shock wears off, Midoriya promptly bursts into tears and rushes forward to hug Fortune. She’s quick to return the hug since she’s just as happy to see him.

Meanwhile, Bakugou is checking her over to make sure she’s real and really alright as he demands answers for what the hell is going on.

This leads to the adults explaining what happened the previous day and Fortune’s memory loss. Naturally, neither of the boys are happy about this information, Bakugou especially.

Unfortunately, the boys aren’t able to provide a lot of useful information about Fortune since all they know about are the years they spent with her.

When Nedzu asks if there are any relatives that they can contact on Fortune’s behalf, Bakugou quickly tells him that he and Midoriya are the closest thing she has to family and to not bother looking for anyone else.

As a result, Fortune’s overall situation doesn’t change. She still ends up temporarily staying with Aizawa, even though Bakugou and Midoriya do try to convince Aizawa to let her come home with them since their homes have guest rooms she can use.

Aizawa vetoes the idea since the lack of information on Fortune’s past worries him, and he thinks it would be safer if she remained where he could keep a close eye on her. Although, he’s not as suspcious of her now that he has more information about her situation. 

Bakugou is naturally not very pleased about this because he takes this to mean that he’s considered not strong enough to keep an eye on her. However, he thankfully doesn’t try to argue with Aizawa about the matter.

Once that’s settled, Aizawa asks the boys to treat Fortune like they would a regular teacher since otherwise that would earn a lot of questions from the other kids. The boys agree since they don’t want to cause trouble for Fortune.

So, they treat her much like they do in TABF canon. Although, they’re obviously more comfortable around her and closer to her due to their shared childhood.

For the most part, things from that point on happen like they do in TABF canon just with some changes here and there to account for Midoriya’s & Bakugou’s improved relationship and their relationship with Fortune.

Naturally, Midoriya and Bakugou are even more protective of Fortune in this AU than they are in TABF canon. They’ve lost her once, and they have no intention to allow that to happen again.

Unfortunately for them, things won’t be easy for them.