#also im mobile so im not rereading if there are egregious mistakes no there arent<3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[bylertruther]

thinking out loud here, but i'm still not over just how much will has been able to grow into himself even despite all of the outside forces in his life trying to prevent that.

in a pre-season one flashback, we see will wanting to go to a baseball game with lonnie even if he doesn't actually like the sport, because he wants to spend time with his father. he's hesitant to say anything negative about lonnie trying to force him to like "normal" boyish things and doesn't stick up for his own interests. jonathan then encourages him to like what he likes regardless of what anyone thinks and tells him that he especially shouldn't be listening to lonnie who we know has abused will for being gay. it ends with will saying that he genuinely does like the clash, being given jonathan's mixtape, and happily headbanging along to the beat. it's a step in the right direction and i feel that it, and the way that will is so unapologetically will and thus surrounds himself with all that he loves, proves that his brother's support worked. will knows that he can like what he likes, that he doesn't have to conform to other people's beliefs of what he "should" like, and that there are people who will support him and his interests.

in season two, we see that will is struggling now with the last part of this ordeal: other people's lack of support in him and his interests. will continues to be a nerdy artsy little dweeb, but he's struggling with feeling like an outcast. it's worse now because of the whole upside down stuff: now, instead of just being a fairy or a nerd, he's mostly zombie boy. at school he continues to get bullied and his friends and family's support has changed. instead of being comforting, it's now smothering. they treat him like a baby, like he could shatter at any moment, and that makes him feel like a freak. that's what upsets him. he doesn't want to change himself, he wants to change how people view and treat him. he doesn't resent who or what he is, he resents how others treat him as a result of it. it isn't "why am i this way?" it's "why do you all have to treat me like that? why must you make me feel bad for something that isn't bad? why don't you believe in me or see me?" and it's that treatment which leads him to calling himself a freak--something we haven't seen or heard him do before, and this is because now he feels like he has no one (except for mike) that sees him for who he was and still is. and again, jonathan offers will support. he reassures will that he isn't anything Bad, that he's cool and his Otherness is what makes him even better and cooler. that conforming is bad, because when did anyone "normal" ever accomplish anything? he manages to somehow find a silver lining in will's feelings of being excluded/other / changes his perspective on it and makes him feel better. he also then takes what will said to heart by giving him more space to be independent and letting him go trick or treating on his own; aka, he quits treating will differently and treats him as he would treat anyone else, which means the world to will because that's what he wants: equal treatment. it isn't his otherness that makes him feel like a freak, but the way that people treat him that does.

in season three, will is undeterred in his efforts to get the party to play games like they used to. he trudges on even when they keep saying no and sets up his game anyway. he dresses up for it, plays music for it, and really throws himself into being the dm, trying his best to immerse them all in this and have fun for once without caring to be "cool" or "grown up". will is treated as being childish for this, but he's really not. he doesn't give a fuck about being cool or what he should or shouldn't be doing at his age, as if games have an age limit and you're supposed to suddenly drop all of your interests for more boring things when you become a teenager. he continues to be himself unapologetically until his best friends make a joke out of him and his efforts. at the end of the season we see will donate his dnd books, but he isn't throwing this away forever or ashamed of it. he just has no intention of joining another party and so he won't need them in the meantime and wants to give them to someone who'll actually use them. he even tells mike as much by saying he'll just borrow his stuff if they still want to play. we're reminded of how he hasn't given up on dnd in season four, too, which shows him painting their party and telling mike about them playing games for the rest of their lives (something that mike tried to use against him in their fight, which again... will didn’t shrink away from. he said yes, yes i do want that, and left mike to sit in his shame for it). he hasn't given up on his interests, he's just done trying to beg them to partake in them with him.

and thennnn in season four we undoubtedly see will being even more open and more himself, even if it presents differently than we've seen it before. he picks alan turing for his hero presentation that he has to give in front of the entire class. he spends so much time on a secret "for his crush bc he's been acting weird" painting that's for mike and literally puts a cute heart on his shield lol. he's been acting weird and different to the point where el picks up on it and thinks he has a crush and so does jonathan when he actually spends sober time with him later on. this is the first time that anyone has clocked will on screen, which means he's been acting differently/more openly than he has before and it's obvious to those that observe him and know him. he clearly wants to tell mike about his feelings, but is too scared and doesn't want to hurt him or his sister. (and this was told to us by the duffers.) he's dropping domers on mike time after time in each and every heart to heart, many of which are secretly alluding to his sexuality or his feelings for him. he sings neverending story without caring. he tells mike they could all commit fraud in vegas so that they never have to work and could just play games for the rest of their lives. he literally confesses his love for mike and pours his heart out while gifting him the painting but then slaps el's name on it because he needs to get it out but doesn't want to hurt his friendship with mike. and then when jonathan confronts him in the kitchen he tells will what he's always told him year after year: that he will always be there, will always support him, will always love him, and that there isn't and never has been anything about will that could change his love for him. and will knows what jonathan is talking about here. it's no longer about sports or being babied. he knows that jonathan is talking about his feelings for mike/his sexuality. and he doesn't shy away from it or deny it. he accepts jonathan's love and says he'll always be there for him, too. he lets jonathan see him and the relief of that fucking breaks him because for once he has someone to help shoulder the burden of keeping it a secret, even if just for a moment.

like... i just don't have the words to describe how much i love will. will, who could very easily internalize the hate that people have had for him his entire life, but doesn't. will, who could very easily believe that his otherness, whether it be trauma or sexuality related, is something that makes him Bad, but doesn't. instead he feels better for it when he's with those that know and love him, who don't treat him any differently than anyone else. will, who is strengthened by love. will, who has been hurt and refuses to hurt others. will, who has been through so much more than he ever deserved, but has come out stronger because of it.

i just... i love him! so much! so, so, so much! his story is heartbreaking, but so inspiring, too, and it'll continue to turn around next season when he sees that he's surrounded by people who love him more than anything and don't think any differently of him for any reason, no matter what; when he realizes and truly believes that he is and always has been their equal, and that there's nothing that could ever change that.