#and stop recommending them to me too they are not my thing
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Thinking about Omega SQQ again sigh
Okay. So warning this is a male lactation AU so if you don’t like that don’t read, nothing explicit happens tho, just a guy and his pups
I imagine when he first goes into his body everything feels like he’s in haywire, constantly on edge and ready for a fight. Once he’s gotten the hang of things he uses his cultivation to try and simmer down his hormones.
Only to realize it was his cultivation preventing hormones that was making him feel like shit all the time.
So eventually he sighs and stops doing that. The first few days are bad, cramps and sickness and a general feeling of wanting to claw everyone’s eyes out. He gets through that though.
Then his breasts start to come in.
He knew PIDW has its weirder parts of omegaverse so he knew that this would happen. At first he starts binding his chest but that hurts SO SO SO much that he collapses on like the third day (he was also doing it improperly because it’s him, yk) and gets stuffed into Qian Cao
MQF: I was not aware shixiong was an omega
SQQ: I’ve only recently decided to stop holding myself back
MQF: it is recommended that you form a small pack of your disciples to help with your instincts and… that *waving at SQQs chest.*
SQQ: *screams internally.* Okay :)
At this point after like a week of just draining himself and going insane he finally gives up. LBH has already started living in the bamboo hut so he’s kinda the best option so he sits the boy down.
SQQ: Binghe, I hope you know this isn’t going to change anything but
LBH, thinking: oh my god no please don’t kick me out
SQQ: since this master has allowed his omega side back out he’s been struggling with his urges about thinking of his disciples like pups. If it’s not an offense to your character can I take some of it out on you
LBH, internally: YES YES YES PLEASE OH GOD YES I NEED IT
LBH, externally: If that would please shizun then sure :]
So they start a twice daily thing of in the morning and night LBH goes into SQQs room and his nest and gets feed. Apparently milk is hella good for the skin and shit because after a few weeks he starts to look flawless somehow.
And SQQ really wants to see his other kids- DISCIPLES flourish like that. He extends the offer to a close few and some look like they going to cry at the honor of their teacher wanting to take care of them.
LBH is still the main drinker and always wants to huff when he has to share, but he does it none the less. His Shizun gets really cute during feeding sessions, purring and chirping at them, fixing their hair and playing with it, scratching their scalp, the whole nine yards.
So LBH repays it by feeding SQQ more, which also makes him have more milk in turn. He huffs and complains at his body’s need to produce so much, his chest wayyy too heavy in the middle of the day to be comfortable, leaking and wasting everything.
He ignored that though, even if LBH and his other pups- disciples offer to help him.
Eventually after the Abyss his body is still making big amounts of milk because that’s what it was used to. Most of the time he just gets it out himself and pours it into the grass, often now also starting his other feedings.
Everything starts to get to him and he’s decided that staying on the mountain is no good. So he sneaks out, by himself, in search of something to heal his heart.
All the peak lords and disciples are going crazy, nobody can find him and nobody knows where he could’ve gone. Eventually while LQG is talking to a random villager out in a border town of their territory he sees SQQ again, arms filled with two pudgy babies and looking ever so pleased.
SQQ: Oh! Hi Shidi
SQQ internally: OH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THE SECT
LQG: where have you been???
SQQ: sorry sorry babies are hard work I didn’t want to travel alone with them
LQG, wanting to have an aneurysm but can’t: let me just help you home
On one hand the entire sect is so relieved that SQQ didn’t die of heartbreak over losing his favorite pup or get kidnapped. On the other hand SQQ??? Where’d you’d acquire those babies?? They aren’t yours, it’s only been 6 months!!
Anyways after SQQ is safely back in the sect he doesn’t see a point in leaving. I mean! Look! Look at his pups! So cute and round! One of them has little dimples!
The other peak lords carefully go to see what was going on, YQY opening the door to the bamboo house after being told to come in and all of them are just smacked with happy omega pheromones, SQQ gently cradling them both in his arms as he rocks in a chair.
At that point all of the peak lords decide that yk, maybe it doesn’t matter how the children were acquired. They were well feed and cared for and obviously SQQ was happy again.
(He got the children from a working in the WRP, she had wanted babies and all her sisters were supportive but then she realized she didn’t like being a parent but you also can’t morally just… dispose of a child. SQQ visited there once in his depression stoop and stayed for a few days after falling in love with the kiddos. Then he just went on an adventure with his babies and got distracted by the cool world building.)
#greeniegaes#svsss#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#svsss au#svsss shen qingqiu#scum villain au#omegaverse#a/b/o dynamics#omega Shen yuan#omega Shen Qingqiu#cw male lactation#cw: male lactation#male lactation#omega#Luo Binghe#child acquisition#random child acquisition#SQQ really just saw two babies and as like DIBS
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Couldn't find any of this SO I WROTE MY OWN FOR A ONE SHOT‼️ I will write more but I thought this would be good for now‼️ I'm really sorry if this seems out of character for either of them, I've never written anything for them before. 🥲
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CW - Swearing, reference to explicit content, possible spelling errors (non reviewed)
Word Count - 2,017 words (10,995 characters)
𝑳𝒆𝒕'𝒔 𝑮𝒐 𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈!
"Wade, is there anything you need from the store?" The gruff voice of Logan Howlett grumbled from the kitchen table, reading glasses resting on his nose as he held a small notepad and pen. He'd asked Al earlier if she needed anything, that wasn't illegal substances he had no way of getting his hands on, so now it was just a matter of asking his partner, who had just gotten back from walking Mary Puppins. He tapped the closed pen on the wooden surface, peering over the ridge of the glasses Laura made him wear. Who knew it was easier to read with glasses? He'd have to get something to thank her next time she came by.
"Oh! You're going shopping! Ooh, let's see!" Wade had quite the grin on his expression, taking off the harness and leash from the ever loving Dogpool, who he totally didn't get the owner of murdered so he could take her, and he picked her up, letting her lick his face as she was coddled like a baby in his arms. "We need more dog food," he spoke as he waltzed over to Logan, his hood falling down as he did so, "and more milk. Maybe some more eggs, and a pack of XL-" before he could finish, he felt something sharp poke at his throat.
"All that's on the list, except that last one. YOU can get that on your own time." The old Canadian scoffed a bit, not exactly in the mood to entertain Wade's thoughts. But he couldn't hold back a small grin when the other Canadian whined at the threat.
"Whaaaaaat? But Honey Badger, I can't go alone. They'd look at me weird." He protested, trying to be dramatic all for the sake of being dramatic.
"Uh huh, sure bub. . ." Logan put his claws away, grabbing the napkin off the table by his empty plate to wipe the blood away as the spot between his knuckles healed quickly. "So, there's milk, eggs, toilet paper, new beddings, steak, vegetables, beer. . ." He mumbled, setting the notepad down to write a few more things that came to mind. Wade set down Mary Puppins and he leaned over Logan's shoulder to figure out what other things were added. Toothpaste, mouthwash. . .
"Oh absolutely not." Wade reached for the pen to scratch out the body spray. "No way in HELL are you gonna buy Axe. Are you TRYING to smell like a skunk? Your musk is enough to make a room full of E-Sports players sick!"
". . . The fuck is E-Sports?" Logan wasn't sure if he should be insulted, confused, or both. But he wasn't too happy about the comment either way. "Also what the fuck is wrong with Axe? It's cheap and smells fine." He scoffed a bit. "I'm not trying to spend over $100 to smell good." He took off the metal framed glasses and placed them on the collar of his T-shirt under the teal-blue flannel.
"And I'm not saying you need to spend $100 to smell good, I for one think you smell amazing. Gets the body goin'. . ." Wade gave a cheeky grin with a chuckle, looking Logan up and down for a moment before looking back at the list. "But Axe is the worst one to use. If you want something to smell decent for work, I'd recommend Old Spice at the very least. Sure, the smell names are weird as fuck, but that comes with all male hygiene products. Women get all the sweet and nice sounding scents like peach vanilla or sunset cinnamon. . . Meanwhile we get stuff like Pine Jizz or Whales Fucking or-"
"Shut the fuck up, Wade. . . . Just shut up. . ." Logan let out a groan of annoyance, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment. Wade had a grin on his face, laughing a little at how Logan told him to stop talking.
"I'm just saying, Peanut, if you get Axe then you're sleeping on the couch or out in the hallway." Wade warned, before leaning in to kiss Logan on the cheek. "I'll go get ready." He hummed, and left to the bedroom to change out of his sweatpants and hoodie.
"Yeah, yeah. . ." Logan mumbled in annoyance, putting his hand to his cheek to hide the light blush across his face. He huffed and stood up, stretching as his joints popped and cracked, from his lower back to his legs and neck. He popped his jaw a bit, before going to the coat rack to grab his brown leather jacket he got for a fairly good price last week. It was nice, not too tight but not too lose, and had some decent pockets. Perfect for carrying booze. . . Or other stuff he didn't want to pay for, maybe. He was THE Wolverine, and taxes were too expensive sometimes. Who was gonna throw him in jail if he shoplifted? No one, that's who. He adjusted the collar of the leather jacket, getting it how he wanted before stopping when he heard the bedroom door open. He looked at Wade, and stared at him almost dumbfounded. "You are NOT going out like that. . ."
"Why not, Peanut? You always like it when I dress this way." Wade teased, he wasn't serious about wearing the outfit in public, but he wanted a good reaction out of Logan. Besides, the outfit was pretty comfortable but no way in hell was he having enough confidence to show off his unicorn crop top and short-shorts. He didn't mind wearing it when he was having his great days; where he was overly confident and eager to show off his body despite the scarring. But today wasn't one of those days, especially since it was getting cooler as Autumn was coming in after what felt like eons of Summer. Wade did notice how Logan's complexion had turned a few shades of a deep red while looking, which also made Wade's cheeks turn a soft pink.
"Alright, alright, hurry up then. . ." Logan sighed softly, not even making a comment or retort to what was said because Wade was right. Logan crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for Wade but was surprised when the bedroom door closed again and he frowned. Did he say the wrong thing? Did he upset Wade? The mutant stood quietly but worriedly, his nose twitching a bit as he sniffed the air, trying to figure out if Wade was upset or not. It was hard to tell, so he stepped closer to the door. There didn't seem to be any low serotonin levels, they seemed about as normal as they could be for Wade. His nose continued twitching as he kept sniffing past the door, still trying to figure out if he upset his boyfriend or not, his ears twitching a little as well as he listened carefully. Before he could figure it out past the smell of everything else on the other side of the door, he was met once again with the face of Wade who seemed surprised at how close Logan was to the door. But that surprise soon turned to playful, mischievous grin.
"Aww, was someone worried about me?" He teased, wrapping an arm around Logan and leaning in to rub his nose against Logan's cheek. The gruff man scoffed with a growl, not out of hostility but annoyance, as he bit Wade's cheek with his big canines.
"Like hell I'd worry about you, dumbass. . ." Logan grumbled, moving away from Wade but didn't move too far so they could at least hold hands. "Let's go. . ." He sighed heavily, taking Wade's hand and going to the door to get their shoes on as Logan grabbed the keys to the apartment and put them in the pocket of his leather jacket with the notepad.
At the store, Logan had to keep holding Wade's hand so the younger wouldn't run off, who knows what that undiagnosed dork would go find and beg to have. Logan had his glasses back on as he looked down at the list in his hand. He had a specific order to get everything in, and if he had to deviate from that plan he might just lose it. Wade was very aware of his boyfriend's thoughts and methods, and honestly he didn't mind holding hands and walking with Logan, though he did stop a few times to look at something that caught his attention.
"We really gotta get you an appointment. . ." Logan mumbled as he gently tugged Wade along so they could keep shopping to get everything on the list. He headed over to the produce section, his hazel eyes gazing over the different fruits and veggies, letting go of Wade's hand for just a moment so he could find the perfect vegetables to cook for dinner. He'd started learning how to cook lately and had a nice dinner planned, so he made sure that the ingredients would be edible and not rotten inside or anything of the sort. He grabbed some potatoes, a few peppers, and for something sweet as a snack for later he grabbed some apples, a grapefruit, and a cantaloupe though it was slowly coming out of season and probably wouldn't taste as good as it does in the summer but he didn't care. He goes to check the ingredients off the list and turns to hold Wade's hand again, only to find the other Canadian had vanished. "Great. . ." Logan pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath before grabbing the shopping cart and continued with his shopping, knowing he'd find Wade eventually, tracking his scent wasn't that difficult due to the constantly dying and regenerating cells, along with the citrus-pine smell he had. His ears and nose twitched every so often as he leaned his elbows against the cart to push it, walking around and glancing around as he got cheese, milk, eggs, and some other things in the aisle, a gruff and raspy hum vibrating in his chest as he tapped his sharp nails against the metal bar of the cart while listening to the music playing through the store. It was crappy compared to what he liked, some hit pop song the youth enjoyed, but damnit was it catchy in the kind of way that it was really annoying but kinda good. He whistled a little, getting everything on the shopping list and went to the aisle full of booze before an announcement rang over the store's system.
"Logan Howlett, please come to the front. Your child is waiting." A bored teen girl sounded over, the tone of her voice a mix of boredom, with a hint that screamed she did not get paid enough to watch over someone or help. Logan raised a brow at this, confused. Laura wasn't here, was she? But then it clicked, and he groaned slightly with some annoyance. He grabbed two packs of the good beer and headed to the front, finding Wade near a desk who seemed happy and relieved once Logan arrived.
"Honey Badger! I was so worried you left without me!" Wade nearly tackled the older man the moment he could, and Logan grunted, a bit startled.
"You're the one who ran off, idiot. . ." Logan scoffed, glaring at Wade before looking down at the soft thing between them. "Wade. . . What the hell is that?" He frowned. Wade looked down, and a big grin was plastered on his face.
"Pompompurin! He'd be great to sit with Hello Kitty and Cinnamoroll!" He beamed, excited even as he held the large dog plush. Logan wanted to say no, to make him put it back, because who knows how much money that thing cost, but the longer he saw those big eyes, Logan eventually let out a groan of defeat.
"Fine. . . But you're payin' for it, bub. . ." Logan patted Wade on the shoulder, before taking him and the cart to the self checkout aisle so he could scan everything himself. Logan didn't like strangers touching stuff sometimes.
"Fine by me!" Wade grinned, watching Logan scan everything and he snorted a bit, amused by his odd yet loving boyfriend.
#seven’s nonsense#seven's drabbles#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#deadclaws#poolverine fanfiction#deadpool#wolverine#logan howlett wolverine#wade wilson deadpool#dogpool mention#xmen#deadpool 3#d&w#Deadpool & Wolverine#deadclaws fanfiction
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Miedica. 𐙚 lamine yamal x black!reader
🤍 summary. Lamine is taking you on your first date together and he teases you for how awkward you are.
🤍 warnings. just fluff and banter i fear! also y/n usage 😒😒
🤍 wc. 600+
🤍 yap! i love lamine yamal nasraoui ebana with my heart. my starboy, golden boy, and my favorite boy. i fear no one loves him like i love him no beyoncé/yeah yeah yeahs. extra special dedication to myself because lamine is the loml!!
🤍 my girls <3. @ar4ujos @halfwayhearted @hrts4havertz @iovepoem @planetpedri !!
Now playing … While We’re Young by Jhene Aiko.
Baby while we’re young, I think we should do something crazy. Like say, “fuck everyone” and just run away from the daily routine. Yeah you know what I mean.
You were terrified. This was your first date with Lamine and your first date, well… ever. You had never been asked on one by a guy in a romantic way, not that it bothered you. It was just nerve-wracking that the guy you ended up liking the most would be the one. You didn’t know what to do, how to dress, or what to expect.
This was all new to you—and unfortunately, Lamine wasn’t going to let you live it down.
You arrived at the agreed place (the local fair), looking anxiously around for him. Maybe it would have been smarter to go together, but you weren’t ready for an awkward car ride quite yet.
“Y/n!” You heard a familiar voice call out to you. That same voice that melted cooly into your ears whenever you heard it, whether it was in person or his interviews.
You turned around, face to face with Lamine. “Hi Lamine.” You smiled, hoping your fear wasn’t displayed on your face for him to see.
“You look… amazing,” he returned the smile. “Is that the bracelet I got you?” He lifted your arm so he could see it more clearly. One thing about Lamine was that he had no sense of boundaries when it came to his friends. He was just a touchy person, growing up with the trait. You loved it about him.
“Yeah, it is,” you responded, feeling your face heat up with embarrassment. You hadn’t expected him to notice, certainly not this fast. Pulling your arm back, you asked, “Ready to go inside?”
Lamine tried to cover up his frown, masking it with his same award-winning smile. “Yeah.” He grabbed your hand, leading you in.
You passed a few rides and games before your eyes landed on the cutest plush tiger. “Oh my gosh, I need that tiger.”
“Which one?” He asked, standing next to you as you both looked at the vendor. You pointed to it and he nodded firmly. “Watch me work.” He held your hand, waving you through the sea of people. It sent a jolt through your body, his constant touchyness bringing you butterflies.
“Lamine, you’re insane,” you giggled as he handed the vendor his tickets.
“Oh, I’m insane for wanting to make you happy, okay,” he sarcastically responded, a sly smirk on his face. “I’m gonna win this tiger for you, miedica.”
“Disculpe? Miedica who?” You acted fake-offended, gasping and putting your hand on your chest.
He roller his eyes jokingly saying, “Forgot Héctor was teaching you Spanish. I need to tell him to stop.”
You giggled in response, watching him as he attempted to win your tiger. He did just that, handing the plush to you once won.
“Thank you, Lamine,” you smiled, holding the tiger close to you.
“Of course, miedica.”
Telling everybody your mine, and I like it. And I really hope you don’t mind, I can’t fight it. No, you know I cannot hide it ‘cause I’m so excited that I finally decided on you.
As the date went on, you realized maybe this wasn’t so bad. Until you got to the ferris wheel.
It was going so well, but he just had to recommend the most intimate ride of them all. Okay, fine. You were going to be super calm and chill about this.
Except your heart felt like it was pounding out of your chest and you thought you were going to drown in sweat. Could you really do this? Was this going to be too much?
“Are you okay?” He broke you out of your thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking,” you responded. Half-truth, half-lie.
He nodded, grabbing your hand again and guiding you to your spot. You two were way too close together on this ferris wheel. Your shoulders were touching and you kept ‘accidentally’ brushing hands.
Lamine looked over at you and said playfully, “Hey, miedica. Are you scared of me or something? You act like this is your first date.”
You didn’t respond, just giving him a blank look.
His eyes slightly widened before saying, “Wait, it is?” When your nod gave him conformation, he continued teasingly, “I’m honored to be your first.”
“You’re saying it like it’s a kiss,” you scoffed with an eyeroll.
“Were we not going to do that?” He asked. When he saw your fear he followed up with, “Just joking. But if you’re offering…”
“Lamine!” You playfully hit him on his arm as if you were reprimanding a toddler for their wrongdoing. “I don’t know, no one’s ever asked me on a one-on-one date before.”
“Strange. So that’s why you’ve been such a scaredy cat all night.”
You glared at him saying, “Scaredy cat?”
He put his hands up as if he was surrendering. “No, I just mean whenever I grabbed your hand you’d flinch. I was starting to think you didn’t like me.”
Your face softened, a smile growing. “The problem is I like you a lot. I don’t know how to show that.”
Lamine smiled, saying, “Well, we can start with this.” He grabbed your hand, your fingers lacing inbetween his.
#sakashq#lamine yamal x black!reader#lamine yamal#football#fc barcelona#barcelona#la liga#lamine yamal fluff
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99% of Trad Pub: The goal of a good book is to use an easy to relate to character as a lens to explore profound plots and interesting experiences.
Me: The goal of a good book is to use interesting events to fully lay bare the depths of the souls of people who represent the weirdest little fuckers the world has to offer.
#there's nothing wrong with liking the first but lol could not be me#like absolutely not what i seek to write or read almost ever#and I think 99% of “debates” over good fiction come down to which camp people fall into#especially in YA where people think every book aspires to the first so if it doesn't hit that it means the author can't write#anyway don't read my stories for the first#and stop recommending them to me too they are not my thing#I am here for chaos gremlins and heartache#writing#books#fiction#author
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okay finished the first book of the fish isekai series and it is RIDICULOUSLY fun -- it's like eating candy, sweet and stupid and very hard to stop. prince jing is perfect, i adore him
#disabled tyrant's beloved pet fish#dtbpf#dtppf#li yu#mu tianchi#prince jing#shen qingqiu and li yu are having VERY different transmigration experiences...#took me three days to knock this book out i am being so literal when i said i couldn't stop reading#you guys get basically zero art because i was too engrossed going from one deranged fishy scheme to the next#i respect prince jing and his ability to roll with every new bizarre thing his pet decides to do#also the fact that the book essentially has two mute leads? very neat dynamic i love how you see them communicate with each other#genuinely stoked to pick up bk2 though i might read beware of chicken in between#just so i can tell my friend who recommended it to me that i tried it#also because if i finish bk2 just as fast and then need to WAIT for the third book i'm going to chew glass#my art
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community college is so funny because half of the teachers are like "For this class you need to use lockdown browser for all quizzes and tests. You need to buy this 70 dollar textbook, and all papers turned in must be in APA format with a title page even if they're only 500 words long. I will not accept late assignments. Also you have a minimum of 4 assignments a week." and the other half are like "you don't need proctoring for the final exam I trust you. here's a download link to a pirated copy of the textbook. as long as your writing is coherent and demonstrates an understanding of the material I literally could not care less what format you use. I can't figure out how canvas works so I'm not giving you due dates, just make sure it's turned in before the grading period ends. your only weekly assignment is a forum post with a minimum of 100 words."
#my favorite teacher so far is still the film history professor I had in my first semester.#he was very old and didn't understand how canvas worked at all and sometimes had trouble opening a video file#but simultaneously he was tech literate enough to recommend we use firefox with an ad blocker#because whenever someone missed class and was like 'where do i go to find the movie' he'd be like 'use an ad blocker and google it'#he said the school made him stop emailing links to free movie sites because people would open them on chrome with no ad block#and there'd be borderline malware on them. like this guy gave me the impression he was like. a veteran movie pirate lol.#that class had barely any assignments. like there wasn't a final exam or anything.#he just wanted us to write a paragraph or so answering a few questions about the movies we watched. it was chill.#and i also learned a lot actually. like i didn't know what a nickelodeon was before then. or the Hays Code.#the movies were genuinely good. i never thought Id be that into old black and white movies or westerns for example but they actually slapped#some of them had really mature themes and i definitely started to understand the people on this website who are like#'if the only media you consume is children's media you should maybe branch out instead of calling steven universe problematic'#because a lot of the movies we watched depicted very 'problematic' things and were able to directly address them because they are for adults#(to clarify I didn't just like kids media before then. i just mean that it introduced me to some older stuff i didn't think I'd like)#(but i ended up liking a lot. it also made me realize that movies made today are kind of shit. which i also already knew)#(but it put it more into perspective because I have more to compare it to)#im rambling now. community college is pretty swag i enjoy it. and i do get along with the teachers who have crazy requirements too lol.
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the eternal struggle of reading webcomics/manga/manh(w/u)a that i think are really good but have cringe ass titles so i can't recommend them without someone doubting my sensibilities and taste in stories
#not that my tastes are *that* good...#or do people ask me for good comics often enough for this to be a real problem#or.. people talking to me at all for this conversation to come up...#anyway please ask for some comics to read. i need someone to join me in my warrior's path#of reading things but never finishing them because either they aren't done being#written and/or translated yet..#or whatever the word for when adhd says i can't read any more because the story is *too* good and so i get paralysis trying to keep reading#to anyone curious-#i just caught up with sss-class revival hunter#and was reminded how much of a sucker i am for romance... ;_:#GUH i can't gush in the tags here... there's already too many tags#but it's soo good#here's my recommend of it for those reading the tags:#really good starting plot- read a synopsis for that i'm bad at that#there's a little dip in attention keeping between the end of the introduction phase and when he starts floor 10#but if you get past that little dip it's all up hill from there#ough i'm still thinking about it.#IT'S NOT A ROMANCE BTW. the most recent plot is romance but that's not the overarching thing#at least for what's out. idk how much what happened is going to effect the rest of the story#ok ok i need to stop talking about it because i'm getting too riled up and overpowering the melatonin i took. don't want to break my sleep#schedule over this#key's lockbox#rambling in tags#btw i don't have shame in the stuff i read regardless of their bad titles#i just wanted to use this premise to get my words out about enjoying my latest read
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murder time trio come back from killing some guy (me) and dust just pulls out a rainbow cleaning duster and starts dusting himself off. horror questions him. he says it's self care
#killer recommended it#and then it becomes a normal thing for dust to dust all of them off after murder time#monster dust gets into horror's skull and then dust has to dig around in there with his feather duster#guys cmon he cant ALWAYS be dusty it probably feels weird#who wants to be perpetually covered in the dust of those you murdered like hello#duster sales in the utmv must be crazy high with how many murderers there are#there was dust on killer's skull and dust tried to be nice and use it on his skull. and then his DT got on the duster#killer's face then became a banned space for usage because that shit fucking ruined the feathers!!!!!#each of the mtt have customized dusters. killer uses pressurized gas (the type of stuff you use on keyboards to get rid of dust)#because he'd be fucked up like that and wouldnt care if its dangerous (is it?? idk). he points it to dust and horror like its a weapon#i already said dusts. horror would have one of those really fancy feather dusters because he's sensitive or something#also horror needs only the highest quality of duster for himself. dust and killer don't get to use his shit#guys why is it not called MAD time trio. if bad time trio was using the youre gonna have a bad time quote#and mad time is a direct alternation of it...... then why not mad time trio......????#because it's too dust focused??? OKAY HELLO THE GROUP IS LITERALLY NAMED AFTER HIM. MURDER. MUUUURRRDDDERRR TIME TRIO#get the fuck outta here mad time trio is cooler. i'll still call them murder time trio because its more unique#hahaha guys ignore the last two posts i didn't even have THAT bad of a day at school#triglycercule is just dramatic as fuck and going to school triggered something inside me or something#just the ever so slightest mental spiral but we stay🔝🔝🔝#im absolutely gonna delete those posts i can NAUGHT have people seeing me fall from grace like that#like smh i was just being dramatic ngl 🙄🙄 stfu triglycercule you didn't even need to post about it!!! you just want attention#this kind of mentality is what caused me to post that and then not post for a few days. i should probably stop#i need to stop typing out my mental dialogue of angel and devil on my shoulder i always end up insulting and apologising TO MYSELF?????#triglycercule's biggest hater is....... TRIGLYCERCULE!!!! thank you thank you i know i'm glad to be up here too#voted for all of the mtt in the sexyman polls. saw they all lost. i will not be voting at all anymore#i need to rant about this in a several post i am upset#tricule hc#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans
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writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.
#tw suicide#tw suicidal ideation#tw sh#personal#puddleglum hours#tried writing poetry and the very act of trying made me desperately want to harm. i think i'll break my streak today. all the things have#been so bad today. not so much the individual things as they all stack up together. almost the worst most constant dysphoria ive ever#experienced. coincided with eating new stuff which was scary. weighed myself yesterday on dad's recommendation and found out i *believed*#id gained like more than double what i *did*. feel so disgustingly fat and heavy tho why can't i just stop eating. why is everyone#prolonging my existence. serious question. this includes myself. whats the good. im tired but not. and oh so disgusted with myself.#weak. stupid. failing. only a fool talks like this. oh but don't worry im safe. safe enough anyhow. oh look nothing's real that explains#something. but i am safe. aint me as gonna commit suicide today. don't worry about me. im ignorin my friend who's worried about me bc she#has her own struggles. im not gonna ad to them at this point. selfish enough i am already. ive been choking on disgust all day even through#my jubilation over reaching a fourteen day streak. funny i literally don't care now. gonna break it. unless i'm too coward to do otherwise.#i ought. i ought to do other things too. i don't know how long i can keep on going like this. pray for me.
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LIAR YOU TOTALLY WATCHED ONE SEQUEL!!! 😉💜
https://www.tumblr.com/wellhalesbells/736050291745652736/friendraichu-jackironsides
HAHAHAHA, I should clarify that I just mean for super hero-y ones. I mostly watch the first one and rarely watch the second (or anything after...... or remakes, lol), I think the only Marvel one I've seen in recent history is Thor: Ragnarok. Actually, the Spider-man franchise pretty much encapsulates how I interact with Marvel properties: I saw the first trilogy because it was new and exciting at the time, then they remade it too fast and I refused to pay for something I just saw, that was so recent in my memory from the release date I could still remember exact scenes from it (THERE WERE ONLY FIVE YEARS BETWEEN SPIDER-MAN 3 AND THE REBOOT - THAT IS NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR ME TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT AGAIN. HOW IS THAT ENOUGH TIME FOR ANYONE TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT AGAIN???), then I watched the first Tom Holland one (fourteen years I can vibe with) and nothing that followed because that's generally when the gimmicks and cameos start in lieu of good story-telling, or they make it dark and gritty because that's the only way to ground this superhuman, right (I assume a random white guy: "Should we fridge a lady? Yeah, we should probably fridge a lady"). The first one generally at least tries to have a soul because they have to introduce the character and make you care about them but many of the ones that follow (the few I've seen from when the MCU was just starting out and I had hope *coughs*Iron Man 2, Thor 2, etc.*coughs*) are just cash grabs that don't try because you already love this character and there they are, right there, so money please!
Meg 2 however..... EPIC, NO NOTES. It knows if I was a shark girl, I was probably a dinosaur girl and it gambled correctly. That's what you're watching this for? Have three sharks and an unnecessary (probably stupid expensive) dinosaur intro that is nearly completely irrelevant to the story but that you will also not want to live without and for an extra special bonus: oblivious husbands and their brilliant daughter. Like. You got me nailed, my dude. Will watch every subsequent sequel, no questions asked.
#i do understand that spider-man is a bullshit studio thing#and that it's a marvel property that belongs to sony and i implied everything is under the mcu umbrella#(and i honestly don't fault them for remaking it. instead i just don't understand how there was an audience for it???)#but they're all guilty of the same shit for different but also EXACTLY THE SAME reasons#they want to fleece money from me. because that's how it feels: like i'm being swindled#they're not earning my money through good content but instead through brand recognition and shared cultural touchstones#YOU CAN'T HAVE MY MONEY MOUSE#sony you can when it's miles (that is a sequel i DID watch and that DID have a soul imo) :))))#something similar (cash grabs) are pretty much the exact reason i stopped reading marvel comics too#capitalism ruins everything#for a moral everyone knows *snorts*#also generally the sequels have bigger budgets and just to quote freckle...... sometimes things that are expensive are worse#great things sometimes come from people having to work within constraints and when you aren't given any....... terrible things can happen#like bbc sherlock lolol. AHEM#basically if i watch a sequel now it has to be a character i am VERY invested in so i'm willing to be burned - deadpool or miles#or it has to break containment from people who will go see anything with a marvel sticker on it to people who..... won't#and still recommend it - like ragnarok#(i wonder if NOT going the dark gritty route and instead having a fun story with a conflict that wasn't dependent on outdoing every#other conflict that came before it in this whole universe had aNYTHING to do with its success. hrm. it's a mystery!)#normally i would answer this privately but i had to explain about the sony thing so you would know i KNEW about the sony thing and then....#tag explosion and now it has to be public and i'm sorry i went on a mouse rant. I HATE THE MONOPOLY MOUSE I JUST DO.#IT'S BAD AND IT MAKES BAD LAZY THINGS THAT KILL CREATIVITY (AND NOW ALSO FUNDS GENOCIDE SO)#!ask
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You know, I considered keeping these in my inbox, make it an aquarium, but I think it's best if I set them free Just look at how shiny they are!! Absolutely lovely little dudes, I love their coloring and frilly fins
#thank you so much for sending me these!!#they made my week tbh#goofy little fellas#Their names are really interesting too! They are also called 'Devils Hole Fish' in english#And 'Teufelskärpfling' in german which roughly translates to 'Devils finfish' in english#They are about 2 to 3 cm long which is like one or two inches I think? I have no idea about inches and all that#The individuals in this image are (as seen in the file name) male which can be seen in their blue color; in general they are silvery white#(with in general I mean outside the mating season; the female fish are silver all the time iirc)#They are endangered and only live in one place which is also where they were discovered around 1830? or 1890...or 1930? I hate numbers :(#it's one of those I'm sure#That place would be a limestone basin above a warm water source called the Devils hole (hence the name of the fish)#That water source is located 15m underneath the ground and the basin above it is about as big as a small room I'd say#People have tried to grow the population artifically but it failed which is tragic since the population in that basin is still declining#as far as I know at least; it's possible I missed something and it went back up again but last I knew there were like only... 110 of them?#This is because of a pump station located very closely to this Devil's hole (can you see I find that name is amusing?)#is stopping the water in that basin from rising; and therefore endangering the habitat of these fish#The close by Hover Damn is also responsible for this and researching this I did not expect this name to pop up#Fallout New Vegas follows me everywhere it would seem#And also! They eat diatoms which are some funky looking things as well! Algae if I remember correctly#I highly highly highly recommend looking at pictures of those#They are pretty pretty; trust me on this#Also; and feel free to ignore this; but these guys give me Mirage and V1 from Ultrakill vibes#based on the color mostly#Although really; show me anything blue and metallic and I will find a way to make it about them#Don't even get me started on color associations; I will not shut up and that is a promise#I could make one of those 5 hour breakdowns of why which shade of any color makes me think of the little idiots that occupy my mind 24/7
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It’s fun going on like, Facebook and seeing the carefully curated parts of your friends still being friends and graduating colleges and doing things you either never could or never had guts to. Like I’m proud of them and this is an old song, but sometimes it does just hurt.
#I’ve been having a WEEK of it#it’s like oh yeah I managed to keep up with these great friends and get my bachelors and have this family and job and and and#and I know it’s… fake. like they did those things but it’s not.#it’s not all sunshine for them either#but like it reminds me that Im usually too terrified to travel and that I’m technically a college dropout and have ghosted or. usually.#been ghosted BY my friends irl#I’ll be fine but it’s sad lady hours in my apartment#time to go on indeed and see them recommend more jobs I don’t want or can’t do#I get that we’re in a healthcare crisis but I’d love to stop seeing nursing applications when I’m NOT A NURSE#I have like. 0 qualifications in that field
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I kind of want to do a temperature blanket, but I don't care about the temperature, so I'm trying to think of something along the same format that's not as boring as temperature. I'm thinking maybe moon phases? I considered sunrise and sunset time, but it would require a lot of yarn and I'm not sure exactly how I would format it. Any ideas?
#i love knitting. its very calming#and i can do other things like listen to podcasts or music or watch a show while i do it#(it kills my hands because i was stupid when i first started knitting but we dont talk about that)#if you knit please don't push yourself too hard. take breaks. stretch your hands every few rows#ive made two blankets and a scarf and right now im working on a boanket for myself#the two blankets were for my best friend and my sibling. the scarf was for my girlfriend#now im working on a blanket thats just for me#because i realized i should probably stop or really limit my knitting after this#i really fucked up my hands tbh and i like using sign language and playing instruments so i dont want to make them worse#but a blanket like a temperature blanket is only one or two rows per day#its nice and limited knitting so i think i can manage that#but i dont know what to do!#i really do like the idea of moon phases because i love the moon :)#but im not sure. and id like a couple more ideas#my gf recommended tv show genres because im always watching a tv show#but rn im watching two game shows and a crime drama#maybe podcast genres? i love listening to podcasts because im alone so much at my job#and i usually dont listen to more than one at once#oh thats a cool idea#anyway lmk if you have any other ideas#love yall bye
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Just “re-pierced” (read: spent 30 minutes trying to painfully shove a dull earring through my ears) and I finally got a pair of earrings in and. Ouch 🥲
#I got a new pair that’s silver that I was going to wear since I’m the past my ears have tolerated silver well enough#(my ears were infected literally nonstop when I consistently wore earrings so I stopped)#anyways they’re too big and I couldn’t get them through my ears#so I’m wearing my gold hoops thst I don’t love because they’re too big and catch on things#and I’m trying to sleep but my ears hurt to touch#do not recommend#and to be clear I take efforts to keep my ears from being infected#when I take my earrings out they immidiately go into hydrogen peroxide#unless they’re silver which tarnished in peroxide so I just wipe them down extra well#then I wipe them off#then I dip them in alcohol before I go to put them in#and dip the ends in antibacterial cream#and use saline solution twice a day on my ears as well#but unfortunately my ears hate me and are permanently infected when I have earrings in
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⛈️ //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
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Ok I am going to do this simply because the first thing I will put here I NEED to do it and I have 0 motivation to do it even though it is EXTREMELY important
In fact, I think that's the reason why I don't want to do it... anyway
If this gets to 30 notes, I do that thing ✅️
50 notes, I call to ask if my doctor's appointment has been scheduled (I've been avoiding it for two weeks now) ✅️
100 notes, I go wash my shoes that have long needed washing and are just sitting there, existing, waiting for me to deign to wash them. ✅️
200 notes, I finish organizing my room (I organized it halfway and then left a bunch of things that still don't have a defined place) ✅️
500 notes, I use the things I have to bleach and color my hair. The only thing that has stopped me is the fear of doing it wrong or being too lazy to maintain it. ✅️
1k notes, I stop doing things that I know will trigger my chronic pain with the pure intention of confirming that the pain was indeed real (don't do this. 0 recommended) ✅️
5k notes, I try some new food without fear of wasting money by buying something I most likely won't like (my autism hates new foods) ✅️
10k notes, I wear my bi flag earrings in front of someone I wouldn't usually wear them with. I trust that they possibly wouldn't have a problem with me being bi, but I would never get up the courage to tell them anything ✔️ (I haven't, but that person was in my room next to where the earrings are. They were 0% hidden) ✅️
20k notes, wtf I have absolutely no idea. If it comes to this, ehhh... Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing here. Do I promise to be honest in therapy and stop telling them that everything is perfect even though nothing has ever been perfect? Yeah, that probably works. Please don't go this far, I don't know how to do this. Maybe I should... but... it would be awful to learn it
April 2024: I stop procrastinating editing this post with the things I've already done. I WANT THE HAIR SO MUCH BUT IT'S SO DIFFICULT
May 2024: Red hair, red hair, red hair. I'M CROWLEY, RED HAIR!!!!!
#Just my random stuff tag because I don't want to do any of this stuff#but i do want to do this stuff#fuck i really hate wanting to do things and at the same time wanting to simply... stop#fuck#jay and... jay what are you doing?
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