#and start going out with ted who STOPPED DATING HER IN THE FIRST PLACE because they have different feelings about long term relationships.

[natbplease]

hatred and contempt and wrath and malice is stored in the last five minutes of how i met your mother

[gibsongirled]

i’m obsessed with girl dad!schlatt 🤭 can we have a fic where they’re high school sweethearts (reader with a normal job out of the spotlight) and she joins the podcast for the first time and schlatt introduces her to everyone as his wife as she’s never been in a video/mentioned before

would love their daughter making an appearance—maybe either hearing her on the baby monitor or smth and schlatt goes to take care of her

love your writing 🫶 i can’t wait to read anything new you post

ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU !!

description: some say that high school sweethearts don't last, you and Schlatt proved them wrong.

a/n: this was such a cute req !! (the title's the same as the song by the moldy peaches :3)

People have said that high school sweethearts would not make it past high school, and some of them were right. But you and Schlatt were the exception. Hah, suck on that, other ex high school sweethearts.

The two of you met during your sophomore year, having shared the same History class. Schlatt sat in the row behind you and occasionally, the two of you would exchange glances and go on with your day, because high schoolers are awkward like that. You started seeing him more when one of your friends started dating one of his friends, causing you to get to know him through mutual friends.

And eventually, the two of you got closer. A lot closer. You sat on the bleachers at his baseball games, stayed up late with him while he edited his videos, and was his date to prom. That night under the poorly decorated stars in the gym while the DJ played the weirdest tracks you’ve ever heard was one of your core memories. And then the two of you started dating and no one was surprised. You two made it way too obvious how much you liked each other.

When Schlatt started doing Youtube full time, you said that you wanted to be kept out of the spotlight and he agreed with you. He kept his real life and online life separate- only letting the closest friends know that he was dating someone. Of course, those same close friends were invited to the small ‘friends and family only’ wedding you two had a few years later. Another core memory that he has framed and placed on his setup that’s out of view from the camera.

Schlatt went on hiatus when you were pregnant with your daughter. He had scheduled his already made videos to upload at a certain time and was completely offline from the internet after that, being by your side 24/7. The hiatus continued on for a few months after your daughter was born and then the internet started speculating where he disappeared to, because this was far from his usual sparse uploads.

Your late night talks had delved into how to continue streaming without revealing you and the baby. And you decided to fill his viewers in on your existence. He was definitely shocked, but ultimately it’s your decision and that was final.

“Schlatt, who’s with you today?” Ted asked on the latest Chuckle Sandwich episode, waving at you through the camera. “Audio listeners - love you to death - Schlatt has a woman with him.” Of course, Ted knew who you were- having been invited to your small wedding years prior. He was just playing it up for the camera.

You waved back at Ted, smiling as Schlatt grabbed his mic and talked into it. “My wife.”

“Your wife?” Tucker asked incredulously and Schlatt nodded, smiling widely as he pulled you into his side. “My wife! Say hi, toots.”

“Hi, Ted, Tucker.” You beamed, feeling anxiety and excitement mix into one intense feeling. You heard the baby monitor suddenly crackle to life with a loud cry, and you sighed softly, removing your headphones and began to get up when Schlatt stopped you, getting up himself. “I’ll get her. You sit tight, babe.” He whispered to you and made a hand motion to the camera to continue the session without him. You slid the headphones back on, keeping one ear open to listen to what was happening on the monitor.

The three of you continued on making random conversations about all sorts of stuff until Schlatt came back. He kissed you on the top of your head and sat back down beside you.

“How is she?” You asked, looking at him.

“She’s good, just needed a bottle.”

“Ah, okay.”

That small conversation between the two of you was left unedited and Twitter was on fire when the episode came out, because not only was he married, he also had a baby! The two of you were trending for a good while, and you are well loved by his viewers.

You were so glad the two of you gave it a chance back in high school, and you couldn’t think of anyone else to share this life with. Schlatt was your soulmate and you were his.

[moviecritc]

✦ ˚ : · LAST FIRST DATE ⋆ DAVID MALUKAS 🦢

pairing ☆ david malukas x fem! reader

summary ☆ where after an awful date, david helps you to fell better

warnings ☆ fluff

masterlist | letterboxd

❛ can't you see that i'm the one who understands you❜

"Are you at your apartment?" Y/N asked, with the phone pressed to her cheek.

"Of course, but weren't you on a date?" David questioned, as if he wasn't thrilled by the idea that it had gone badly and that he was the first one Y/N called.

"Exactly, I was," Y/N let out a long sigh while looking for a taxi. "Can I come over to your place?"

"Yeah, sure. Do you want me to come get you?" David grimaced, maybe that was too much.

"Don't worry, I'm already in a taxi," Y/N flashed a smile, the first one all night. "I'll be there in ten minutes."

During those minutes, the only thing Y/N thought about was how stupid it had been to go on that date. It was a horrible attempt to forget her feelings for David, which didn't work at all because, besides the fact that the guy was unpleasant, the first thing Y/N did after that was call David.

David, for his part, took out a bottle of white wine, Y/N's favorite, and therefore his as well. And he ordered some trays of sushi to share with his best friend.

Y/N knocked on his door, and David opened it immediately. She looked stunning, so much that David took a millisecond to observe her before letting her in. Y/N noticed, she noticed all the little details David had about her, but she convinced herself he was just being kind.

"Hi," Y/N said, in a faint voice.

"How are you?" David asked with a sweet look. "I took some wine out of the fridge and ordered sushi because I figured you hadn't eaten anything."

"You figured right, we didn't even get to order bread," Y/N laughed a little, to feel less bad.

They sat on the kitchen counter as they always did, and the sushi arrived a few minutes later.

"So, what happened on the date?" David asked.

Y/N ran her hands over her face. "It was horrible, Dave. Terrible." She took a piece of sushi and popped it into her mouth. "He arrived late, kept me waiting for fifteen minutes. And when he showed up, he asked why I was so dressed up and started a speech about how he hated makeup."

David let out a sigh. "Is he an idiot?"

"Plus, he wore the ugliest pants I've ever seen," she added, and David's grimace of disgust deepened. "When his Ted Talk was over, I left, but now I regret not answering him back."

David looked at her with tenderness and a slight smile on his lips. "Y/N, I want you to know that you are an amazing girl. Really. You are smart, funny, passionate, and, above all, you have a huge heart. Anyone who can't see that is just an idiot."

Y/N felt a warm feeling in her chest at David's words. "And you? Do you see it, Dave?"

Y/N lowered her gaze, biting her lip a little shyly. David paused, looking directly into her eyes.

David moved a little closer, his voice low and soft. "I've been seeing it since we met, Y/N."

They looked at each other as if time had stopped. The tension between them became palpable, the whole room completely silent. David raised a hand and gently caressed Y/N's cheek, slowly moving closer until their lips met in a tender kiss. Y/N followed immediately, deepening it as she moved closer to him. Their lips fit perfectly, and when they parted, they both missed the taste of each other, even though it had only been a few seconds.

Y/N licked her lips while David straightened up a bit, their breaths slightly heavy.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this," Y/N whispered, with a shy smile.

He let out a soft chuckle.

"Oh, believe me, I know," David replied, looking at her as if it was the first time.

[marvelling-at-marvel-blog]

The thing about S1 Jamie that I think is interesting is I think on rewatch there is some insight as to why Jamie went so hard on the bullying of Sam. (Not gonna be defending Jamie's treatment of Sam just looking into maybe why). Because out of all of the things Jamie did is season one. The one that seems hardest to understand or really forgive is his treatment of Sam. The first time around, you couldn't understand it. Sam is legitimately the kindest man in existence. (I know as a stroyteller it was the easiest way to really get us to dislike Jamie and really make us more understanding of Roy's treatment of Jamie which to be frank is not great and understand Ted's fruatrations with him) and Sam just keeps trying with Jamie.

But know I think it far to say thay S1 Jamie was jealous of Sam and his easy going, happy, postive nature. I dont think he was aware of it though.

Season 1 Jamie is so interesting because on paper, he had everything he thought he wanted. But I dint think he was overally happy. But yeah it seemed to be all his way

1. He played for the team he grew up supporting and dreamed of playing for. I imagine his first time stepping on that fiels in that uniform would have been monumental. Sure, maybe he wasn't a starter, but he got some minutes and the unspken agreement that in a few years, he would be a star.

2. I imagine he was initially disappointed to be loaned out, but then he learns he is being loaned to Richmond. Yeah they suck, but he gets to play a full 90 minutes, is basically going to be the best player, kick most of thier goals and he gets to be team mates with Roy Kent (he dreamed of playing against him one day, with him is a dream come true, I really think pre show Jamie would have been so excited to play with Roy Kent and was so disappointed in how it turned out). Plus, it has the added advantage of getting him away from his dad. And once his done his loan, he can come back to Manchester. This is his chance to get away from it for a while and be the star

3. He meets and gets to date Keely Jones who his always had a crush on. Dhe is literally a dream girl for him

So he should be happy right. His got everything he wanted, but it's not going the way he expected because.....

1. Roy Kent hates him (in my mind Roy was standoffish from the start, heres come this whizkid who was everything he used to be and slowly losing. I think Jamie came in at 100% and immediatley put Roy on the back foot). Jamie tries with Roy but the more it doesnt work the more Jamie goes OK, if I cant make him like me I will show him I am better than him. Hence the beginning of that relationship.

2. Yeah his away from his dad and his killing it at Richmond, scoring their goals, winning them matches but it only seems to be winning over half the team (he can't see yet his attitude is what is stopping the other guys from liking him). And the team still isn't doing great even with him. Plus he may be away from his Dad but his relationship with his mum feels like it in a werid place which sucks cause she is his favourite person ever.

3. And Keeley seems to be where its going right but sometimes it feels like his a bit of a project for her. And I think he has heard people (like Roy) question why she is with him.

And let's face it, he is still likely hearing from his dad when he doesn't perform up to his standards.

And then heres Sam. Who (at this point in time) isn't playing well, isn't scoring goals, not massively contributing to thier wins and yet he seems so genuinely happy all the time and everyone loves him, Roy Kent seems to like him and is friendly with him, complimenting him (which he has never done to Jamie). Sam is so open and kind he has probably talked about his dad in the locker room, and his relationship with his family seems perfect and that must gnaw at Jamie because all he ever wanted is to make his dad proud and his pretty sure he will never achieve it because the man is a d***k who is impossoble to please, yet Jamie never stops trying and things are werid with his mum which he hates. But all he hears when its brought up from Sam is how great his family is.

Then along comes the new gaffer who Jamie can't even understand why he is coaching, but he also seems to love Sam and wants him to be the decoy so Sam can kick the goal. Even though Jamie knows if he kicks it, it will go in.

Now we all know the reason Sam is liked is because he is an amazing, kind hearted, dedicated person, but I think S1 Jamie is so jealous and does not even know it.

Because S1 Jamie is still living with the notion that being the best in the most important thing ( thank you James Tartt Sr) so to Jamie he is out here busting his ass at training to be the best, scoring all the goals yet Sam seems to be the one who is living what he thought his dream time at Richmond was going to be. And I know I mention it but I think it is a big thing for Jamie, the harder he tries the more Roy seems to despise him, and take enjoyment in his embarrassment.

And S1 Jamie in all maturity handles his jealously by trying to make Sam feel as bad as he is feeling. Which Jamie, baby. That's kindergarten mentality. And poor Sam actually thinks Jamie is a great player and would love to learn from him in the beginning and isnt having a great time either.

But yeah. I dont think Jamie ever disliked Sam. I think he was insanly jealous of him all the time and didn't know how to handle that or even admit it himself.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Apologies for my rambles.

[witchthewriter]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐉𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐭'𝐬 𝐬/𝐨 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ gender neutral, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!    

a/n: I’m on that goddamn Ted Lasso train binches. Please don’t let me be the only one that is in love with ... everyone. Also - this is the ONLY team I will ever care about. 

Warnings: sWEARINGS hehe, mentions of family abuse, childhood trauma

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ      

ESTP

Slytherin

Chaotic Neutral

The Hanged Man

Leo Sun, Pisces Moon, Gemini Rising

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿  

・Was he a prick when you first knew him? Fuck yes. But did he grow and become a better man? HELL FUCKING YES.

・You knew Jamie from your school years, he was always the prick, the jock who would tease anyone just so no one would see the hurt he endured

・You used to stand up to him all the time - putting him in his place

・The funny thing was, that later in your life, your brother was chosen for the Richmond team

・And you were forced to go to every game by your mother, and see your former bully play on the same team as your brother 

・It was such a weird situation, and yet you tried to make the best of it. 

・Somehow you became incredibly close friends with Keeley. She saw you trying to find the locker room, to wish your brother good luck. And you became fast friends. 

・Your relationship with Keeley became really important, and once you found out about her and Jamie (after they split up), you were shocked.

  “But, but you’re so - you!” 

“What are you talkin’ about?” 

   “You’re so ... gorgeous, and funny and open-minded...the complete opposite of Jamie!” 

・She just shook her head with a sad smile, “there’s a lot about him that people don’t see. Or understand.” 

・Keeley actually became one of your biggest shippers

・It was a slowburn romance. A lot of stolen glances, baseless insults and light-hearted complaining about the other. 

・Everyone could see it but the two of you

・And you both denied your feelings over and over and over again

・Even Coach Lasso could see it, and it wasn’t until Roy told Jamie to stop being suck a twat, that Jamie realised his feelings 

・Keeley gave her blessing, because you’d never go breach your friendship over a guy 

・When you started going out, Jamie did everything he could to impress you - take you on the most expensive dates to restaurants; one of his ideas was to take you to Disneyland but Keeley said ... that was overdoing it a bit. (She said maybe after a year of dating you’d be comfortable with that idea)

・You were hesitant with the relationship because you didn’t want an immature partner. But although he can be childish at times, he really developed as a person. 

・He’s accountable for his actions - and actually went and apologised to everyone he bullied at school

・You made him watch the Prince of Egypt and he response throughout was “woahh babe, babe what-” “um...why aren’t more people talking about this?” 

・And he basically cried throughout the movie, especially at the end. And then he asked what happens to them after they escape and you’re like ... “babe c’mon. It’s - they’ve literally written...”

・Calls you “babe,” “sexy,” “sweetcheeks” 

・Actually really likes the show Outlander, like ... a lot. To the point that he binge watched it and wanted to dress up as Jamie Fraser for Halloween

・You go to all his games (I mean...your brother is on the same team, so really two birds one stone, right?)

・He always spots you in the crowd (easily done - you sit where Rebecca, Keeley and Higgins do) and when he does, he blows you a kiss. It’s always good luck when you catch it and place it on your heart 

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔    

”I love you, wholeheartedly.” x “You shouldn’t, I don’t deserve it.”

Tough on the Outside, Soft on the Inside  x The Top 

Malewife x Girl/Guy/Theyboss

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆  

Enemies to Lovers 

Second-Chance At Love

Late Love Realisation

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈:    

Supersoaker by Kings of Leon

[emptyheadwriting]

Snow Dogs-Enid Sinclair x Reader

Authors Note-Just a quick little story for my first post that focuses on Enid because this scene popped into my head and I felt compelled to write it out before it left my head.

Word Count:918

Warnings:N/A

——

The idea had made its way into you brain a few weeks before on one of the few nights Enid would have plans with Wednesday instead of with you.

You put Snow Dogs on in the background as you caught up on your homework, it was a favorite movie of your childhood but you hadn’t seen it in so long that some details were fuzzy and it felt like the right time to watch what used to be your comfort film.

When you finally closed your textbook and started to pay attention to the movie, you watched as Ted bite Demon’s ear to get him to calm down and listen to him, and a shit eating grin spread across your lips. You were determined to try it on Enid whenever the right moment arose.

You had to wait awhile for it which was surprising. Enid was usually filled with chaotically good energy, it was one of the many reasons you were drawn to her in the first place. It was as if she could sense you had something in mind for her because she would stop herself mid ramble instead of going on nonsensical tangents that you would sit and listen to with a smile on your face and eyes full of adoration for the way she cared so much about just about anything.

But as you knew it would, the moment finally came, the night before Valentine’s Day. The two of you were laying face to face in your bed, enjoying each others presence when you noticed the slightly anxious shake in her movements.

You tilted your head with a small frown, “is everything okay love?” You asked as your hand brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear.

All the resolve she had collapsed at your soft tone and gentle touch, and she reached into her pocket, pulling out a rectangular black box.

“I wanted to give this to you tomorrow but I can’t stop thinking about like what if you don’t like it you know?”, her fingers tightened around the box as she felt your hand going down to meet hers.

“And if you don’t like it that’s fine I mean I understand we’ve only been together for five months two weeks three days twenty one hours and a few minutes but who’s counting” she said with a nervous laugh, eyes looking anywhere but into yours as they were before you had asked.

“but this is like a big thing atleast I think it is, maybe you won’t even think it’s that big of a deal and that I’m freaking out for no reason, but I don’t wanna mess this up because I really really like you and one day I want to have a cute little family with you” she rambled on her voice wavering with nerves.

This was perfect timing you said in your head as you leaned in and kissed her cheek before trailing upwards and nibbling on her ear lobe, you heard her next sentence die in her mouth, and you pulled away with a smile, “there’s no way that actually worked” you laughed.

Enid looked at you with confusion on her features, awaiting an explanation. “Have you ever seen snow dogs?” You asked receiving a shake of the head no.

“Well in the movie, this guy has never worked with dogs before right, and his dogs don’t ever really listen to him so people keep telling him to bite the dogs ear for it to listen and he finally does it and the dog stops growling at him and listens to him, and when I watched it the other for the first time since I started dating you I wanted to try it to see if it worked” you explained with a lopsided smile.

Enid blushed deeply and averted her gaze, “I really hate that it did work” she said smacking her hand against your chest with a small laugh. “Open the present before I get nervous and you have to bite my ear again” she said as she finally pushed the box into your hand and released the death grip she had on it.

You brought it up to eye level and opened it, inside was a handmade bracelet of colorful gem stones, the two sides joined together by a heart with an E in the middle.

“I love it” you said sincerely, feeling the heat rush to your cheeks, as you rolled your finger over the heart. “This is beautiful Enid, now everyone will know I’m yours huh, as if they had any doubts” you teased before slipping it onto your wrist and moving the box out of the way so you could lean in and kiss her lips softly with a whispered thank you.

Enid was buzzing with excitement as she crawled over to your side, laying her body weight onto yours entirely humming at the way the steady drum of your heart calmed the rapid beating of her own and the rich pools of love that flowed within your eyes reflected within her own.

“So when we do have this cute little family of ours, would you be having puppies or human babies I’m not all knowing about werewolves yet?” You said with a playful smirk to break the comfortable silence.

You definitely deserved the scoff, slap and roll of the eyes you received, but it was all worth it to feel her body shake with laughter and feel her lips against your cheek afterwards.

[alphawolfice1989]

Robin should have ended up with barney instead of ted

loverink

Robin should have ended up with Barney, or Don. Robin needs to be with someone who won't pressure her into any feminine ideals, admires her independence, and doesn't want kids. I also think these are the two breakups we see Robin the most emotional over.

I will also note here that I think the show failed Robin, in that we are repeatedly shown what Ted and Barney want more often than what Robin wants. And just because she's not comfortable expressing all the emotions, doesn't mean she doesn't have them.

Honestly Don and Barney have a bit in common. Don started out on her show as an unprofessional jerk who undermined her hard work. When he finally got his crap together was when the two of them worked as a couple. At the end, not only did he take the job in Chicago, but he didn't invite her to move with him which is pretty telling, sadly.

We see Robin and Barney as friends first, and although we do see Robin's disdain of his womanizing ways, we also see them genuinely enjoy each other's company. Early on we see them exchange a sort of mutual respect and admiration for each other in a lot of their scenes.

With Ted & Robin they are almost consistently on different pages and have different desires from their relationship. With Barney & Robin, I feel like we see them step into sync as they grow as people and get to know each other.

I feel like we are shown more in the aftermath of B&R vs T&R. Throughout the following seasons we see Barney shooting longing glances at Robin. We learn Robin cried after the breakup and Barney was unaware. Robin, who doesn't like feelings, expresses to Barney how hard it is to see him set up this perfect date when he didn't do that for her. And so he gives her the perfect date - to go on with Don. We see so more vulnerable moments with both Barney and Robin compared to Ted and Robin, imo. Comparatively, for several seasons we see nothing from Ted towards Robin until Victoria returns and voices her opinion onscreen. Only after that do we see Ted's feelings again.

When Ted tells Robin that he loves her, can get past her disinterest and inability to have kids, she eventually that she just doesn't love him. When Barney is in relationships with Nora and Patrice, we see Robin get jealous and emotional. Full on sobbing, drinking under a desk.

In the final season we see Robin talk about the locket and how Ted goes big for her by getting it back. I'm so frustrated by the writers here. Because there are so many times and ways that Barney has gone big for Robin, but it didn't serve the narrative they wanted.

In the context of the show, literally the DAY before the wedding Barney had given Robin a huge Canada themed rehearsal dinner because he knew how much that place and her family meant to her.

The single biggest omission was that Barney stopped Robin from being deported. He is the reason that Robin is still in their day to day lives, it's because he found her a job. Because he loved her.

I don't believe that Ted in the show would have been happy without kids. I think he would have made passive aggressive comments for a long time and the couple would eventually split. I do believe that Barney could be happy without kids.

After their breakup, Ted always felt like her safety pick. He was the guy who always loved her more than she loved him. He wasn't the guy she actually wanted to be with. He wasn't the guy she missed or sent longing glances to.

https://www.reddit.com/r/HIMYM/comments/126of3s/who_do_you_think_barneyrobinted_should_have_ended/

[kingluffy5]

Playing Detectives Pt 4 (Wednesday x Male Reader)

Y/N and Wednesday learned of a potential new lead in their case in the form of Jericho’s founder Joseph Crackstone, meanwhile Wednesday’s latest stunt puts her on thin ice and when they learn that the monster is actually human Y/N and Wednesday start considering who they can trust.

I already have enough on my plate to deal with as it is with the prophecy only getting more confusing as a four hundred year old pilgrim who discriminated against out casts and tried to kill Wends’ ancestor is now seemingly involved, as well as the monster being a human, now I have to consider who I can trust outside of Wends anyone is a suspect, and of course Xavier just about proving that the Rowan we saw was a doppelgänger. But I also have to deal with possibly one of the worst things about this place, the Rave’n, one of our many school dances. I used to get asked a decent amount but I think they gave up trying, that or no one wanted to go with me after the scar on my eye took up part of my face. I would ask Wednesday to go as friends but our time would be much better spent focusing on the case.

Another thing on our plate is that Ajax stood Enid up on their date, I had to stop Wends from shooting him with a nail gun. I asked him about it and it turns out he stoned himself and missed the date, I suggested he tell Enid but he was too embarrassed, and I won’t tell her because it isn’t my place to.

At the moment however I should focus as me and Wednesday are sneaking into the morgue to inspect a dead body, we got word that the homeless guy we found in the old meeting house had been brutally murdered. Me and Wends slide in under the door as Thing sticks bubblegum onto the camera.

“Find the files on the monsters other victims and make copies, don’t pout, your scalpel skills are questionable.” She tells Thing as we go to find the body.

“Remember on my thirteenth birthday when Uncle Fester got me that cadaver, you sliced right through that man’s carotid.”

We check various containers and make occasional comments.

“Magnificent hematoma.”

Eventually we find the one, Wednesday starts recording her findings as we check the bodies injuries and Thing makes copies.

We see that the body’s left foot is missing when Thing starts telling us people are coming, we shut the container and hide in some empty ones.

The Sheriff and Mortician talk for a minute before the Sheriff leaves, the Mortician then opens the container with Wednesday in it but believes her to be a dead body and then leaves.

Thing opens our containers but Wednesday requests five more minutes inside.

— — —

Me and Wends are hanging out in her dorm putting our findings on a board.

“When I suggested giving your side of the room a makeover I did not have Ted Bundy’s Pinterest in mind.” Enid says.

“Still not as creepy as your stuffed unicorn collection.” Wednesday replies.

“Is this why you snuck out last night?”

“We may have made an unsanctioned trip to the morgue to copy the files of the monster’s victims.”

“Okay, there are so many levels of ew in that statement I don’t know where to begin.”

“We need to get inside its head, discover any patterns or anomalies, we’ve already made a big discovery, turns out all of the monsters victims have had body parts surgically removed, the first one a kidney, the second one a finger.” Wednesday says while handing Enid pictures.

“Wednesday, I don’t feel-”

“Third a gall bladder, and the bearded man from the meeting house two toes, do you understand what this means? These models aren’t mindless, he’s collecting trophies like a seasoned serial killer. It’s impressive, actually.” Wednesday says as we turn around and see that Enid has fainted. We turn back to Thing and request that he fetch the smelling salts again.

— — —

We are in Thornihill’s class now, I’m dozing off as I sit next to Gwen, I get excited when I hear Thornhill bring up something about sexual trickery but get disappointed when I realize she’s just talking about plants.

Bianca makes some joke about the Rave’n which causes Thornhill to solidify herself as my favorite teacher by revealing that because of the dance she isn’t going to assign homework.

Xavier talks to Wednesday about the dance but she says something about sticking needles in her eyes, we then both notice the scratches on his neck.

We look to each other and silently agree to follow him.

— — —

We follow him to his art studio and hide behind some trees.

“We need to do this, Xavier didn’t get those scratches from fencing, he’s hiding something.”

We walk into the studio and see several pictures of the monster looking like they’re staring right at us.

“I suppose every artist needs a muse.”

“A muse is a pretty girl or a bowl of fruit, this is just creepy.” I say

“Xavier you just said that much more interesting.” Wednesday said as she grabbed some pictures.

We head out but Xavier spots Wednesday, I duck behind the shed to avoid being seen.

“Wednesday.”

“Xavier, hello.”

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing, I just saw you come out this way, what is this place?”

“It’s kind of my private art studio, I cleared it out and fixed it up so Weems lets me use it.”

“How very entrepreneurial, I would love to see inside. Why don’t you give me a tour?”

“Not right now, it’s a total mess.”

“I shadowed a crime scene photographer last summer, I’m not easily fazed.” I feel like she wouldn’t easily be fazed even if she didn’t shadow ad crime scene photographer.

“Maybe another time, why were you looking for me?”

“I wanted to go over Ms. Thornhill’s homework assignment.” Damn it Wends Thornhill didn’t give out homework, now he’s going to realize that we think he’s the monster.

“She didn’t give us homework, remember?” Shit, shit, shit shit. “Why are you really out here?” Double shit. “Is this about a certain dance that makes you want to poke needles into your eyes, perhaps?” Well, that was lucky. “I’m all ears.”

“Are you really going to make me ask?” Wednesday said. Wait what?

“Oh, absolutely.” Why this cocky, why would Wends actually go with him, I thought she hated the idea of dances just like me.

What then followed was a near half minute of Wednesday trying to ask Xavier to the dance before finally managing to spit it out. I don’t know why but when she finally asked and Xavier said yes it felt like my stomach dropped and everything just stopped for a second, why would I be disappointed about Wends going to the dance with X-, oh shit, I see what’s happening, I am starting to like Wednesday romantically, well shit, this sucks, we’re partners and good friends, being a couple would just ruin all of that.

— — —

While it’s clear that Wednesday is only going with Xavier to get info and check to see whether or not he is our monster, it still honestly feels sucky. And now I have to deal with therapy.

“I do actually have something I want to talk about today.” I say when I sit down.

Dr. Kinbott looked shocked by this and immediately grabbed her notebook. “Really, ok, what is it?” She asked.

“There’s this girl I like who I’m really close to, and I just realized I like her as more than friends, and there’s a dance coming up and she’s going with someone else and I know she’s not interested in him she’s just going for other reasons but I still feel shitty about it, I also don’t want to ruin our friendship by asking her out, and would I be a bad friend if I don’t feel happy if she was happy with someone else?” I ramble.

“That’s a lot to unpack, let’s start with this girl, is it Wednesday?” I normally would say no but the shocked face I give her manages to reveal the truth. “I see you two walking around a lot, you would be cute together, why do you feel like your friendship would be ruined by asking her out, or why do you think she would say no?”

“Well we just work so well as friends and partners, and I know that she would say no because she is this pretty, cool, smart, girl who seems to have guys throwing themselves at her, I don’t want to be selfish by putting my desires before our friendship.”

“It isn’t selfish to put your own happiness first every now and again.” She says trying to support me.

“Why would she go out with me, she’s perfect, and I’m broken.” I say putting my hand over my scarred eye as I smile at Dr. Kinbott.

“What do you mean by broken? Is it your scar? How did you get it?”

“Under normal circumstances I would never tell you this, but stuff has been feeling shitty recently and … I guess I finally need to let some stuff out to someone who doesn’t share my last name. I had another brother once, my parents first kid, he had bipolar, some days we were best friends doing everything together, others he hated me and stayed in his room all day, one time during dinner, on one of his bad days, I was joking and being loud and it was annoying him, so he grabbed his steak knife and cut at my eye, my parents rushed me to the hospital and not long after that he put a shotgun in his mouth.” I confess, telling the story for the first time since it happened.

I start to break down and the doc comforted me, handing me some tissues and saying it’s alright while all I said was either it’s my fault or that I’m broken. God I miss Arthur, so much.

— — —

After that I walked around Jericho before running into Wednesday.

“Where are you coming from?” She asked.

“Therapy.” I answer. “You?”

“Enid wanted to take me dress shopping but I managed to get out of it, now come on let’s go see the Sheriff.”

We then walked over to the Sheriff’s office and showed him the pictures we found in Xavier’s studio.

“We both know there is a monster out there, if we’re going to stop it, I think it’s time we put our differences aside and work together.”

“And this is your stake for me to deal you two in.” He then takes out any other picture and compares them. “I’m sorry, you gotta do better than that, you got some nice detail though.”

“We didn’t draw it.” I inform him.

“I need to know who did.” He says.

“Unless we’re exchanging intel I’m not at liberty to say.”

“Why would I share information on an ongoing murder investigation with a couple of high school kids?” He asks.

“Because we go to Nevermore and you don’t, don’t you want some eyes and ears behind those ivy covered walls?”

“Listen, Velma and Shaggy, why don’t you and the Scooby gang stick to your homework and leave the investigating to the professionals.” He says before getting a phone call, personally I feel like I would be Scooby but alright. “What?” He starts to talk on the line before calling us back.

“Let me see that sketch again, the person who drew this, that your suspect? When you bring me some concrete evidence maybe we’ll talk.”

We then finally leave the office but we end up running into Tyler.

“Don’t wanna ask what trouble you’re in now.”

“Nothing we can’t handle, your father’s in particularly frustrating form today, avoid.”

“Welcome to my world, you guys have the Rave’N this weekend right? It was all the buzz at the Weathervane today.”

“I must be the only one not obsessed with this stupid dance.” Wends says.

“So you’re not going?” He asks

“Actually, I was forced to ask someone as an act of self preservation.” I died a little inside when she said this, liking someone is so annoying.

“Sure that happens, I guess. So who is it?”

“Xavier.”

“Got it, hope you two have fun.”

“I’m not sure why you’re upset.”

“That’s kind of the problem, I mean call me crazy Wednesday but you keep giving me these signals.” I’m sorry what signals, occasional conversation is signals for this guy.

“It’s not my fault I can’t interpret your emotional Morse code.”

“Then let me spell it out, I thought we liked each other, but then you pull something like this and I have no idea where I stand, am I in the more than friend zone or just a pawn in some game you’re playing?” Well at least when I like a girl, I don’t blame her for not liking me back.

“I’m just dealing with a lot right now, I need to prioritize.”

“Thanks for cleaning that up, I guess, give me a call if I ever move up your to do list.” Tyler says before walking off.

“Not one word.” Wednesday says to me and Thing.

— — —

Wednesday and I moved our murder board into the beekeeping shed, with Eugene’s permission and Enid’s insistence.

“No worries. Mi colmena es us colmena. I assume this is the creature that’s been rampaging in the woods”

“You told him?” Wednesday glared at me.

“We told your roommate.” I said deadpan staring at the board.

“Mr. Fits banned me from bug hunting until further notice. Speaking of monsters with sharp claws can you give this to your roommate, put in a good word for me?” He asked Wends. “I hear she’s still sans date for the Rave’N.”

“Eugene.”

“I know the chances of her asking me are next to zero, but I don’t care. I’ll keep putting myself out there until Enid finally sees me.” God I need this kid’s confidence.

“And if she never was.”

“She will, I’m playing the long game, my moms say people will appreciate me when I’m older, I know they’re just trying to make me feel better, but-”

“Listen people like us, we’re original thinkers, intrepid outliers in this vast cesspool of adolescence. We don’t need these inane rites of passage to validate who we are, Y/N?”

“Most of the people going are self absorbed shit bags anyway.” I chime in.

“Exactly.”

“So you’re not going to the Rave’N either?” He asks us.

“I’m not.” I say.

“Actually, I am, with Xavier”

“I see.”

“It’s not like I like Xavier, I just have ulterior motives, sketches are the closest thing me and Y/N have to a lead to try and stop this thing.”

“That circle, I think I know where that is.” Eugene tells us.

“Show us.”

We walk through the woods for a few minutes before coming across a cave that looks like the circles in one of Xavier’s drawings.’

“You think it’s in there?” He asks us/

“Only one way to find out.”

We walk up to the entrance.

“I’m not a huge fan of enclosed spaces, I’m claustrophobic.”

“If you hear me screaming bloody murder there’s a good chance I’m just enjoying myself.”

We then walk into the cave and look around with our flashlights, we find deer bones and find some shackles attached to the wall with scratch marks around them and a claw jammed into the rocks.

— — —

Me and Wednesday go into Xaviers studio to find something to match for DNA to present to the Sheriff.

After we grab something Xavier walks in.

“The hell you doing he asks us?”

“How do you know what the monster looks like? Or all these just self portraits.”

“What, you think it’s me? I saved your life.”

“So did the monster. Or was that you the night Rowan was killed?”

“You are so out of line right now.”

“We’re just trying to uncover the truth, and your art seems to have a recurring motif.”

“Yeah, this creature’s been haunting my dreams for the past couple of weeks, I try to block it out, but I can’t so I just come in here and paint it, when I was painting this one the claws reached out of the canvas and took a swipe at me, that’s how I got these scratches”

“I thought you were able to control your ability.”

“Not when it comes to this thing.”

“Maybe it’s just your guilty conscience.”

“I told you I’m not the monster, okay?”

Wednesday then takes out the drawing of the cave.

“So you just happened to draw pictures of it down to the location of its lair in the woods? Those are some pretty vivid dreams.”

“You were in there before, when I caught you, that’s the only reason you asked me to the Rave’N isn’t it? To try and cover, you are unbelievable.”

“It’s nothing personal.”

“It never is with you is it? I mean, do you even care about anyone or anything at all, Wednesday? Get out! Both of you out!”

We do as he requests and leave to go to the Sheriff’s.

— — —

We hand the Sheriff our DNA samples.

“That’s the claw of the monster and that’s a dried blood sample from a potential suspect, he used it to dab scratches on his neck, run the DNA test and see if they match.”

“I’m sorry, do I work for you?”

“You asked for concrete evidence, that’s it”

“Where’d you get this? And who’s the suspect?”

“Run the test first then I’ll explain everything.”

“I’m not playing games.”

“Neither are we Sheriff.”

“Bernice, bring me a DNA authorization form please.”

— — —

Me and Wednesday were now back at Nevermore, we saw Eugene sulking by the fountain.

“Why so glum?” She asked him.

“Saw Enid at lunch, asked if she got my honey.”

“It’s not like I didn’t warn you, since none of us have a date to the dance-”

“We should all go together!” Eugene said enthusiastically.

“What? No, I was going to suggest we stake out the cave and identify the monster, whoever it may be.”

We then looked over at Xavier before walking off.

“Don’t worry man, someday you will get a girl who genuinely loves everything about you.” I comfort him.

— — —

Me and Eugene spent the better part of the afternoon getting ready, I was bringing minimal supplies, flashlights, some snacks if we get hungry, and I snuck one of my swords from my forgery with some runic engravings on it for extra measure just to be safe, the runes give it some ice powers and stuff, also some walkie talkies.

We began to head downstairs to meet Wends and head out.

“You excited buddy? Your first stake out.” I ask him.

“Yeah, I also just wanted to say thanks, if it wasn’t for you and Wednesday I wouldn’t really have any friends so it means a lot to me you guys are including me.”

“When you’re an outcast amongst outcasts it’s probably smart to stick together.”

“Yeah, not many others here love bees as much as us.”

“Also I have a massive pile of manga in my closet.” I confess. “The only ones who know are now you and Thing.”

“What?” He laughs.

“Tell anyone and I’ll kill you and hide your body in one of the hives.” I threaten also laughing.

We keep walking until we see Wends, in a dress, with Tyler, shit.

“Wednesday, what’s going on?” Eugene asks her. “What happened to staking out the cave?”

“Don’t worry we get it, we’ll check it out ourselves.” I say turning to head out.

“No, it’s too dangerous, stand down.” She tells us. “We’ll go together tomorrow night, understood?”

“Come on Wends, this our first real lead in a while. I’ll watch out for him.” I offer, she should go and have fun, even if it isn’t with me.

“You especially shouldn’t go.” She tells me almost as if it was a warning.

“Come on, here.” I hand her one of the radios from my bag. “We can be in contact at all times, if things gets hairy we’ll call.”

“Fine if you must go, you will remain by your radios at all times, and at the first sign of danger, run.” She tells us sternly

“Yes ma’am.” I say jokingly.

With that we part ways, Wednesday to the Rave’N with Tyler, me to the cave with Eugene. But, if there is one thing I know about Wednesday is that she always looks forward to the next thing, she never looks back, so why did I notice her looking back at me when we left.

— — —

We’ve been here for half an hour by this point, I always loved the vibe of the woods at night, the bugs chirping, owls hooting, the moonlight shrouded by the clouds. It just feels peaceful. Eugene talks in his voice recorder about how there has been no movement but he did here a type of bug he liked so that’s nice.

“Hey man put that thing away for a second will you?” I ask.

“Sure what is it?”

“What I’m about to tell you never gets out, you will tell no one, not Enid, not Thing, nobody.”

“Not even Wednesday?”

“Especially not Wends.”

“This feels a bit more serious than a giant manga collection.” He jokes.

“Yeah it is, I may or may not have been developing romantic feelings for a certain goth girl in our beekeeping club.”

“First we’re called the Nevermore Hummers, but wait, you seriously have a crush on Wednesday?”

“Yeah.” I confess.

“Well why didn’t you ask her to the dance?”

“I don’t know? First she was going with Xavier, then we were staking out this cave, and now she’s there with Tyler.”

“I can’t believe she bailed on us for the dance.”

“Don’t blame Wends, she’s been focusing on the case a lot, she deserves to have fun.” I defend her.

“But you’ve been focusing on it just as much, you should be able to go as well.”

“Yeah, I guess, but it wouldn’t feel the same not being there with her, at least when she was going with Xavier I knew she didn’t have feelings for him, but with Tyler it’s different, she’s choosing to be there with him right now.”

We then wait around a couple more hours before we hear a car pull up to the cave and someone gets out. They walk over to the cave before throwing in a Molotov cocktail. After throwing it in they shine their flashlight directly at us and run away as fast as we can.

We run for a few minutes before hiding behind some trees. We stop to catch our breath but we start to hear the monster snarling and we continue our run.

In the distance I can hear Wends shouting our names, either that or I’m just hallucinating. Before I know it Eugene trips over and loses his glasses, I turn to try and run back but the monster gets to him before I do. He slash my sword at it a few times before it runs off.

“Eugene, wake up kid, it’s gone, you’re alright.” I try to say to him. Before I know it I’m hyperventilating, my vision’s getting blurry, and everything is feeling numb, I don’t even notice it until Wednesday shakes me and yells my name.

“Y/N”

That starts to take me out of it as I notice her hand on mine and her terrifying yet somewhat comforting stare into my soul.

Thornhill runs in and yells. “Is he’s alive!”

[rebelrobin86]

6. Fantasy & 7. Under The Sea

6. Fantasy (Nancy)

(Disney's Little Mermaid - Ronance AU)

Nancy as a mermaid, was fascinated with the idea of living on land. Ever since she found an abandoned ship with human items, like a fork she used as a hairbrush.

Nancy fondly remembered seeing a beautiful human she saw on their boat.

Nancy panicked when the ship crashed ashore, seeing her crush lying on the sand. Nancy gently woke them up with a kiss.

Nancy and Robin smiled at each other, Nancy wanted to introduce herself, but was interrupted by Steve calling Robin to come back. Robin apologetically ran off.

Nancy thought Robin was a weird runner, then tried to imagine what running on legs would feel like.

Nancy wished for nothing more than to see this human again and be human like them. She went to the one place her father King Triton Ted Wheeler told her never to go, to see the sea witch Vecna. Nancy felt she had to be rebellious, because she was so passionate in her fantasy.

Nancy begged Vecna for legs and a chance to see Robin again. Vecna agreed on the condition, she sacrificed her voice. She wasn't happy to sign the contract, but felt she had no other choice.

When Nancy got up to the land, she settled quite quickly into her legs, as she ran and danced on the sand.

She stopped when she saw Robin, Nancy went to her, they both felt the instant connection they felt before. Robin wanted to communicate with Nancy but noticed she couldn't speak. When realising Nancy had no where else to go, Robin offered for Nancy to stay with them.

In Robin's home. Robin taught Nancy sign language so they could communicate with each other. They both were so happy and went on little dates, explored the local market and went out on Robin's boat.

Nancy fell more in love with Robin and could tell Robin felt the same, they kissed on the boat and Robin asked Nancy to marry her. Nancy said yes, they couldn't wait to host a party to celebrate the engagement.

Robin's family were unsure of Nancy at first, however warmed up to her, as they just wanted to see Robin happy as she clearly was.

Vecna disguised himself as Robin's ex Chrissy, to sabotage the engagement and distract Robin.

However Nancy and Robin both saw through the disguise, since the looks didn't match the personality. Vecna focused only on Chrissy's looks, failing to show her sweet, fun and friendly side.

Nancy and Robin fought Vecna alongside Steve, as Vecna then transformed into a giant sea witch with huge tentacles. Luckily Robin had a weapon trunk, with guns and flamethrowers.

When they defeated Vecna, Nancy was granted her voice back. Nancy was so happy to have her voice back, she started singing to Robin. It made Nancy so happy, when Robin said it was the most beautiful voice she ever heard.

Nancy and Robin were permanently given legs and human abilities. What they soon found out later, was they were both gifted with a surprise of a mermaid tail, only when they were touching water.

Nancy was finally part of Robin's world, she realised life could be just as magic on land as under the sea, so Robin then again kissed the girl. Nancy and Robin couldn't be happier.

7. Under The Sea (Robin)

(Continuing on from Disney's Little Mermaid AU)

Robin was so excited seeing their mermaid tails for the first time, especially since hers was newly granted. Nancy's was a pretty purple and Robin's was a sunshine yellow.

Robin remembered the first time they went out swimming with Nancy, she was so nervous but Nancy held her hand as they dove in and swam under the sea.

They saw so many fascinating sea creatures up close. Robin even told Nancy she dreamt of being a mermaid when they were younger, but she hadn't ever thought it would really happen, until after she met Nancy.

Nancy introduced Robin to her underwater friends, including her younger brother and sister, Mike and Holly who were both little flounder fishes.

All of Mike's friends were sea creatures, including a crab called Dustin. Robin laughed when Nancy told her story about Dustin with Mike, Will and Lucas singing a song, to convince Nancy to stay under the sea.

Everyone agreed they were happier Nancy met Robin, including Nancy's parents. King Triton Ted Wheeler was reluctant to admit it, but everyone could see he was happy for Nancy, while appreciating the treasures from the human world they'd bring back to the sea.

After Robin and Nancy swam back up to shore, they agreed no matter how busy, they have mermaid time weekly. Whether it's to spend time with Nancy's underwater friends and family, or to have alone time as mermaids. Robin was really happy with their new mermaid life with Nancy.

[smblmn]

Ten Random Lines

I was tagged by @lizzie-bennetdarcy, thanks lovely! 😘💖 Rules: pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the midpoint, pick a line (or three), and share it! Then tag 10 people. 

(I only have 8 published works on ao3 at the moment and one of those is the collection of drabbles, so I'm putting one of those drabbles here.)

On the Outside Looking Through: David’s anger rises again, this man can’t be real. “Oh, and you expect me, what, to accept? After your amazing speech listing all the reasons I’ll never be on Patrick Brewer’s level? You insult me and my family and you assume I’ll come running into your arms just because you’re Canada’s most eligible Bachelor? Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

I want to go home: Now that he’s finally said it, David can’t stop telling Patrick that he loves him. He whispers the words in his ear as they’re exiting the building and Patrick pauses –as he always does– beside the portrait and smiles sadly at the happy family that no longer can hold one another. He writes the words with his lips all over Patrick’s body later in bed.

Breathe again: A man kissed me last night. A man I’m undoubtedly attracted to. A man I can see myself falling in love with.

In the eyes of the beholder: “In her defense, I may have started babbling about how incredibly beautiful the guy was and how I had never seen anyone like him before and how anyone else paled in comparison and how maybe I was gay and that’s why nothing really seemed to work with girls…”

'Til we're running from it: Rachel watches silently as Ted takes a blood sample and touches the puppy in different places to see how she reacts. Just the water seems to have had a miraculous effect on the dog, who looks more responsive and is even wagging her little tail a little bit. She looks so small and indefensive that Rachel feels her anger spiking. “How can anyone abandon someone like that?” she blurts out way harsher than intended and only when her voice comes a little bit broken, she realizes she’s crying. “Sorry, you must think I'm crazy,” she adds. 

Right in the doorway: Coming out to Rachel once he was sure about it was easy. It was made even easier by the fact that she had first row tickets to what she described as ‘the Patrick Brewer can’t be normal around his coworker show’. It’s probably an exaggeration, but then again, Patrick has never been so happy to go to work before in his whole life, so… maybe Rachel has a point.

The Great Canadian Baking Baker Show (Off): “It’s Mom’s recipe,” he says, beaming with affection.  “Can I marry her?” “No,” Patrick smiles. He's still extremely focused, competently drawing something with a piping bag. Another check in the list of turn-ons David wasn't aware he had until he met Patrick. He stops working for a moment and looks at David teasingly before throwing his final blow, “but I’m available.”

Collection of Drabbles: Convenience/Eerie: “It's almost eerie, this silence.” Mrs. Rose says, making Patrick realize he hasn't even turned on the music in the store, too busy wallowing in self-pity. Her piercing blue eyes study Patrick, urging him to explain. “I need you to know that I never meant to use David, I wasn’t dating him out of convenience–” “I witnessed you bestowing your heart to him in this very place.” Patrick tries not to cry, but a tear escapes anyway. “He’ll return to you, dear. He’d be a fool not to.” If he does, Patrick will make sure to treasure David Rose forever.

I'm not tagging anyone because I think everyone has already done this, but if you haven't, feel free to play! 💖

[rachelkaser]

Stay Golden Sunday: Brotherly Love

Dorothy (to Blanche’s dismay) begins a relationship with Stan’s younger brother. Rose tries to find the source of her insomnia.

Picture It...

Blanche comes home, upset at discovering a man she’d been dating has been lying about his profession. Rose stumbles in the kitchen in her pajamas and almost leaves for work still wearing them -- she hasn’t been able to sleep for the last three nights. She declines warm milk and pills to sleep. Sophia goes to answer the doorbell -- it’s Stan, who’s visiting with his little brother, Ted. The other Girls enter and Dorothy is overjoyed to see Ted. Stan, not so much.

DOROTHY: Ted, what a surprise! *hugs him* STAN: What about me, baby? DOROTHY: Go hug a landmine.

Stan introduces Ted to Rose and Blanche, and Blanche perks up when she hears Ted is a successful neurosurgeon and into real estate (who still worships Stan for some reason) and is also divorced. She almost immediately starts putting the moves on Ted, wedging herself between him and Dorothy. She asks him out, which he accepts rather meekly. Dorothy is both angry at and embarrassed for Blanche.

Later that night, Blanche invites Ted in for a nightcap after their date, and he doesn’t really respond to her aggressive flirting. Rose interrupts, walking into the living room as she still can’t sleep. Blanche shoos her out and climbs into Ted’s lap when Sophia next interrupts, coming into the living room to watch TV. Ted pushes Blanche off and tells her he’s going to leave. Outside the front door, he meets Dorothy coming back from parent-teacher meetings. Ted says he didn’t really enjoy his date with Blanche and asks Dorothy to go out for a drink with him.

SOPHIA: Don’t mind me. The Best of Carson is coming on. BLANCHE: In here? SOPHIA: No, Blanche, in Hollywood. But they pipe through these little wires and it comes out here.

The next morning, Rose comes in, still unrested. Sophia attempts to help her by giving her “Sicilian Sominex” -- meaning a glass of milk accompanied with a saucepan to the dome. Blanche enters and stops her. Stan lets himself in through the backdoor, looking for Ted. Blanche admits, embarrassed, that Ted isn’t here and left the night before. Stan says he never made it home, and is going to go look for him. When he opens the front door, he finds Ted and Dorothy making out on the porch.

Furious, Stan grabs Ted and storms out. Blanche storms herself into the kitchen with Dorothy following. Dorothy tries to explain that she went out with Ted because he wasn’t interested in Blanche, which only makes Blanche more upset that Ted chose Dorothy over her. They snipe at each other for a few moments, until Blanche leaves yet again. Seeing Dorothy upset, Rose tells her to drink a special kind of tea she drinks before bed -- Dorothy takes one look at the label and notices it’s chockful of caffeine. All Rose has to do is stop drinking it and she’ll be able to sleep.

DOROTHY: Rose, have you been drinking much of this? ROSE: Only at night when I can’t sleep. DOROTHY: Honey, this is loaded with caffeine. ROSE: But we need caffeine, especially women our age. Or our bones will get brittle and we’ll walk all stooped over. DOROTHY: That’s calcium, Rose. Calcium, not caffeine. This is what has been keeping you awake. ROSE: You mean, if I stop drinking that, I can sleep? DOROTHY: You may even blink again.

Sometime later, Dorothy and Ted are dancing at a nice restaurant, and reminisce about their youth. Ted confesses he used to have a crush on Dorothy back in the day, and tells Dorothy he now has something important to ask her. Suddenly Stan interrupts and asks to cut in, which Ted allows. Dorothy is not happy. Stan tells her that he suspects that Ted is going to ask Dorothy to marry him because he’s bought tickets to the place he married his first wife. Dorothy tells him to butt out and walks away.

Back at the table, Stan confronts Ted about his Acapulco trip, which Ted confirms he made. Dorothy is flattered, but Stan immediately begins knocking her down to Ted. Ted defends Dorothy, until Stan accuses him of wanting to marry Dorothy to follow in his (Stan’s) footsteps. Ted suddenly reveals he doesn’t intend to marry Dorothy. When Stan specifically asks about his getaway, Ted says he met a stewardess on the flight to Florida and intends to ask Dorothy to babysit her two children during the Acapulco trip.

Dorothy, stunned, asks why Ted went out with her, and Ted doesn’t answer. Dorothy decides to leave, promising to keep some kind of secret of Ted’s. As she’s departing, she takes the maître d’s microphone and announces to the room at large that Ted is impotent. Later that night, Blanche enters Rose’s room. Rose is out like a light, but Blanche desperately tries to ask for advice on how to apologize to Dorothy for being so nasty to her.

Dorothy enters, and Blanche hides behind the drapes. Dorothy tells the still-snoozing Rose about Ted and how she wants to make up with Blanche. Blanche immediately emerges and they make up. Sophia enters, having perfected a sleeping potion for Rose. She’s dismayed that Rose is already asleep, as it would have worked. Dorothy takes a sip of the potion and immediately falls onto Rose’s bed. Sophia runs out, ecstatic, and Dorothy stands back up, making Blanche laugh. But as she turns to say good night to Rose, Dorothy passes out for real.

“Right, and the Godfather made all his money selling olive oil.”

If there were any episode of this show where the hilarious B-plot shores up the failings of the A-plot, it would be this one. The whole love triangle story with Blanche and Dorothy over a man who proves to not be worth it is a repeat of better episodes, and it’s starting to get old. However, Rose’s story about sudden onset insomnia, which ends with her so deeply asleep she can’t even recognize her best friends, is much more entertaining -- especially once Sophia gets involved.

DOROTHY: How was your date with Blanche? TED: Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but when I was dating, the man used to make all the moves. DOROTHY: How many men have you dated?

The new character this episode is Stan’s heretofore-unmentioned (and never to be mentioned again) little brother. Dorothy already seems stuck on him as soon as he arrives. Personally, I could never get involved with an ex’s relative, especially not someone related to my husband of 38 years. It would weird me the hell out. Not that anyone comes out of this episode smelling like a rose, except . . . well, Rose.

Actually, let’s go over the B-plot first, if only because it’ll take the shortest amount of time. Poor Rose doesn’t realize her soothing tea blend is caffeinated, and it causes her to lose four nights of sleep. Betty White’s talents at physical comedy are out in full swing, as Rose spends most of the episode stumbling around in a sleepy daze, her eyes glazed over. Even her final moments of the episode, where neither love nor friendship can rouse her from her doze, are just amazing displays of her comedic timing.

BLANCHE: You know that “attorney” I’ve been dating? I caught him handling melons at the A&P. DOROTHY: And I take it they weren’t yours?

While Sophia’s attempts to administer a percussive sleep aid to Rose would seem to indicate violence, the end of the episode shows she most likely was genuinely trying to help (albeit Rose’s rambling St. Olaf stories were probably irritating her anyway). She even invents a genuine sleeping potion, even if its effects take a few seconds longer to work than she anticipates. And, as always, she plays a fantastic foil to the A-plot, disrupting Blanche’s date with Ted and passive-aggressively reprimanding Dorothy on going out with Ted.

Speaking of which, this episode really doesn’t show Blanche or Dorothy in the best light. They’re once again fighting over a man, and it’s always these conflicts that bring out the nasty sides of them both. In this case, Blanche implies that no man could possibly find Dorothy attractive, especially in comparison to her; while Dorothy says Blanche has no business impugning anyone’s sexual character with her history. See the carnage here:

That said, while the source of the conflict is a repeat, the Girls are more quotable in this episode than ever before. Sophia and Rose are quotable anyway, between Sophia’s sleep aids and Rose telling not one, but two St. Olaf Stories. But Blanche and Dorothy are no slouches either. I’m not in love with the primary conflict, but I do enjoy seeing Dorothy and Blanche, the two strongest and most fiery Girls, do battle with each other. And it all ends well, as they agree to forgive and forget -- especially because, as it turns out, Ted is not even remotely worth their time.

From the very beginning of the episode, Ted looks up to and praises Stan no matter how much the Girls treat him like a loser. At first it seems they’re setting up a dynamic where Ted, a rich and successful doctor, is the Abel to Stan’s sleazy Cain, especially given how little he responds to Blanche’s advances. But at the end we see that the two are no different in how they treat women in general and Dorothy in particular. Whether that’s all Stan’s influence or simply Ted being just as scummy as his brother, I’m not sure.

STAN: The last time he went to Acapulco, he got married. DOROTHY: So? The last time I went to Coney Island, I got pregnant. What’s your point?

That said, I think Ted and Dorothy’s relationship sets a new record on this show for how quickly it goes from beginning to presumption of a marriage proposal. It says something about Ted that he takes all his romantic conquests to the very same hotel and location where he married his first wife, but I still question why Stan jumped from that to him asking Dorothy to marry him after literally only a few days of being even remotely romantically entangled.

Oh, and one last bit of trivia: The studio move, which resulted in the set of Rose’s bedroom being redesigned, pays off here in a narrative and comedic sense. The redesign adds floor-to-ceiling drapes to the back wall, where there was previously just a wall, and Blanche hides behind them during the final scene as she listens to Dorothy lament their harsh words to each other. Thus we get the immortal line:

DOROTHY: What is this, Hamlet?

Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰🍰 (four slices of cheesecake out of five)

Favorite part of the episode:

Sicilian Sominex. ‘Nuff said.

[drakkywolf]

What was Roy made for?

Batshit crazy take of the day: What Was I Made For by Billie Eilish fits Roy so good

Under the cut my deranged deep dive on the lyrics

I used to float, now I just fall down

Very easy but strong start, about his past as a star, fast and unstoppable but now he's hurt, brought down by his knee and his age

I used to know, but I'm not sure now

Again the contrast between his years as a "little bitch primadonna" with how unsure of his future and his place in the world he is in s1

What I was made for, What was I made for?

Still the struggle to understand who he is besides football, was he made just to kick a ball? Will there be anything for him, of him when he can't anymore?

Takin' a drive, I was an ideal

Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real

Just something you paid for

What was I made for?

This can be all tackled together because it's the same issue. He used to be a talent, a prodigy, Roy Kent is the best player in any team he's ever been. But does Roy Kent really exist? Was he just made by the ones who bought him? Sunderland literally bought him and made him a real player, then the other clubs. He struggles to find who he is underneath the football legend everyone knows

'Cause I, 'cause I I don't know how to feel

But I wanna try

Literally his struggle with his emotions through all of the 3 seasons! He doesn't know how to preocess his emotions as well as he should because of the way he was raised.

He knows he's always angry and prone to violence but he wants more. He wants to do better and he worries that he's infecting Phoebe with the worst of himself because he's very self aware of his lacks. But he still tries!!!!! He never stops loving his family, he's there for them!!! And he tries with Keeley too! He builds a relationship with her even if then he leaves, he still tried so hard!!!!

I don't know how to feel

But someday, I might

Someday, I might

The hope that is still in him!!! He keeps trying to get better and even if he's not now someday he might be, we see this to the literal last second with him going to Dr. Sharon!!!!

When did it end?

All the enjoyment

Again with the end of career feels. When did football become a struggle? When did it become a constant pain in his knee and short breath? He almost knows the date, the game he cites to Ted as the one in which he first realised he couldn't keep up. But still he didn't just let go and retire because football is not only all his life but his passion, his big love that for a while got tainted by pain. But his love for the sport still prevailed in the end, bringing him back as a coach

I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend

It's not what he's made for

This can be seen as Roy in all of his relationships. He loves and cares with all his heart but he doesn't share his struggles. It takes so much for him to just admit to Keeley that he's struggling. He helps his sister with Phoebe but we don't see her, a doctor, around when he's hurt and recovering. He keeps everything bottled up deep inside and lets it out only in small outbrusts.

What was I made for?

What was he made for?

Then the chorus again

Think I forgot how to be happy

Something I'm not, but something I can be

Something I wait for

Something I'm made for

Something I'm made for

This is the part i prefer because this is a melancholic song but it's also deeply hopeful and i see Roy like that too.

He carries with him all this hurt, this huge sadness that has roots in his botched childhood, filled with loss and loneliness. Pretty much started to work at 9 and never got to stop, never could really imagine to stop.

He had to earn his place in Sunderland, then prove himself in the Premier, then establish himself in Chelsea and then as the National Captain.

Took so much responsibility on himself to build his life, his career and then it was all taken from him by his own body, his own choices. For so long he forgot how to be happy, but it comes back.

We see it when he brings Isaac to his old neighbourhood and tells him to just play and have fun. He knows how easy it is to lose it, getting crushed by pressure and responsibilities and hurt.

But there we see that Roy too is getting his happiness back. When he says to the pundits that he misses every moment it's true, it kills him to not be able to be on the pitch anymore.

But staying away is worse, he finally knows he can still be a part of the game even if not directly on the field, and in a way that he likes too, unlike the pundit gig.

Roy's story in the three seasons is one of struggles and pain and loss. But it's also about new beginnings and hope and a love so deep it can't be stopped.

He's still trying to find his happiness and ultimately he will, because, like everyone, it's what he's made for.

(Thanks to @elloras for always listening to my rants and for a bit of beta)

[and-justice-for-zoisite]

𝑀𝒶𝓇𝓈𝒽𝓂𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑜𝓌𝓈  𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒮𝓁𝓊𝓈𝒽𝒾𝑒𝓈 (Ted “Theodore” Logan x Reader)

Official Masterlist

Summary: You’ve been ditched at the prom by a ginormous jerk, and Bill urges his best friend to go and comfort you, since his best friend, Ted, has had a crush on you since “forever” and this was his chance to win your heart. 

Prompt: 

                                              "𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒶 𝒹𝒶𝓉𝑒?"

~~~~~~~~~~~

God, you were beyond a mess at that point. You had managed to sob your beforehand perfect makeup off your pretty little face, and your beautiful baby blue prom dress was soaked at the collar in your tears. The tears, by now, had stopped, the only signs of them having been there in the first place being the fact that your cheeks and eyes were puffy and red, and still covered in a layer of salty gloss. But why on earth were you sitting on the gym bleachers under an ever changing disco light, recovering from a breakdown while everyone else at the prom was having a great time?

You had been asked to the prom by one of the cutest guys in your grade, a guy that went by the name of Jeremiah Jones. You were so excited that you didn’t notice the insincerity in his voice, and went along with it blindly. But now that it was prom night, he gave you one dance before breaking it to you that this was a big joke, and then he left with one of the more popular girls and was now dancing with her. Everything in your chest ached, and even though you seemed to be apart of the popular kids, maybe you were just a loser to them all along, maybe you were never one of them. Maybe the joke didn’t just start at Jeremiah asking you to the prom, maybe it had started when they recruited you as one of their own. 

You really felt like shit, especially since you had to let go of genuine friends just to be accepted into their clique. Those genuine friends? Bill S Preston Esquire, and Ted “Theodore” Logan. They were lovely boys, and you’d known them since first grade. They knew how to make you laugh, and make you feel loved...especially Ted. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t have somewhat of a crush on the boy, you guys kissed in fifth grade because of a truth or dare game, and even though the two of you drifted apart, those feelings were still there in your subconscious. 

But you didn’t think you were getting either of them back any time soon, you figured you’d be lonely for a while...

~~~

“Dude! Look!” Bill urged the boy who was currently pouring fruit punch into a cup.

Ted quickly turned, but didn’t know what Bill was pointing at. “What?” He asked. “It’s (Y/n). She’s lookin’ super bummed out man, now’s your chance!” the blonde encouraged. “My chance for what?” Ted asked, oblivious to what he was talking about. “You’ve only had a crush on her since, like, forever dude! Chances are her date ditched her. So go talk to her!” 

Ted finally saw you. I mean, he had seen you at the start of the night, and he was beyond jealous of Jeremiah Jones. You looked so beautiful, and it wasn’t fair that that jerk got to take you to prom instead of him, but then again, he didn’t feel like he was good enough for you. The reason it took him so long to spot you was because he didn’t think he’d find you sitting on the bleachers, alone. But when he saw you, he felt a mix of concern for the fact that you looked sad, and hope, considering you were alone. 

He almost leaped at the opportunity, but then he felt doubt overcome him as he turned to Bill.

“What do I say?” He asked, the blonde rolling his eyes as he began pushing his best friend toward you. “Just say what you feel man, make it up, I don’t know,” Bill said, finally having pushed Ted far enough before he retreated to watch from afar.

Ted was almost standing near you as he look back at his best friend, the blonde giving him a thumbs up before the taller boy sighed and approached you. You hadn’t noticed him until he sat beside you, to which you looked up at him.

“Hi (Y/n),” he greeted shyly, yourself smiling as you quickly wiped the tears from your face and sniffled your composure back. “Hey Theodore, how are you?” You asked in a groggy yet friendly voice, trying to hide the fact that you’d just been sobbing like a baby just moments ago. “I’m pretty good. What about you?”

When he asked that, you almost felt yourself crumble. But you managed to stay okay as you forced a smile and responded.

“To be completely honest, I’m feeling pretty cruddy. Jeremiah ditched me and my whole friend group just kicked me out of the circle. They were never my real friends anyways, I don’t know why I became friends with them in the first place.”

Ted sat there in slight shock for a moment. How could someone as pretty as you be ditched at the prom? 

“...Bogus...” He whispered before turning himself to face you side on, “I’m real sorry that happened to you.” “No, it’s okay...it’s my fault. I guess I just...got far too caught up in all the attention and popularity that I...lost light of who my real friends are,” you mumbled as you turned to Ted properly, your still glassy eyes meeting his chocolate brown ones. 

He felt his gut twist slightly when you made eye contact with him. Ted could barely believe he was even having a conversation with you at this point. Your eyes had almost sucked him in to the point he’d never be able to come back out again, and without thinking he sputtered out a small sentence.

“Do you wanna get out of here?”

You were surprised at the question. Had he forgotten about the way you treated him? Like you yourself had forgotten him? You were shocked for a moment, but then you remembered the awful night you’d had, and how you wanted more than anything to be anywhere but in that gym. 

“Sure...where to?” you asked, the boy only taking your hand as he began leading you out. “Just c’mon,” he rushed you, to which you asked no more questions and simply followed him out of the gym. 

You couldn’t ignore how warm his big hand felt wrapped around yours, especially in contrast to the icy air which bit at your sides and any exposed skin. It was comforting to be away from all of that, and back with Ted again. Hearing his voice and seeing his goofy smile was something you missed dearly. You had no idea why you’d left him and Bill, but you were just happy to be with him now.

It was only a few minutes before you’d arrived at the local gas station, to which Ted sat you down on the curb and began pulling his coat off.

“Wait out here,” he instructed, placing his coat around your smaller figure, “anyone tries to kidnap you, scream.”

You giggled as you pulled the coat around you tightly and watched as he went into the station, though you didn’t bother to watch exactly what it was he was doing. 

Within a few minutes, Ted came back outside with two slushies and a bag of marshmallows filling his hands. Carefully, he took a seat beside you on the curb and handed you a slushy, placing the bag of marshmallows in between you.

“This is where I go when I’m feeling bummed,” he explained, putting his slushy down next to him and opening the bag of marshmallows, “and this is my comfort food. They make for a most excellent feast.” “Oh, Ted,” you gushed, feeling your eyes well with tears a little, “you’re so sweet, I don’t deserve you.” “Hey now, what you didn’t deserve was being ditched by that jerk Jeremiah,” he objected as he shoved a few marshmallows into his mouth, “but then again, I’m not much of an upgrade.” “Oh, hush you,” you giggled, having found it hard to make out his words through the marshmallows in his mouth which muffled him, “you’re a million times better than anyone in that gym.” He gulped down the marshmallows as his face flushed red, scratching the back of his neck.

“Y-you think so?” he stuttered, yourself giggling as you looked up at him. “I know so.”

There was a short silence that followed, one that sat between being awkward and peaceful. You looked down at the concrete below, feeling your cheeks sting as you drew your knees together.

“Is this...a date, Ted?” 

The boy looked toward you, though he found you weren’t looking back. And with all the confidence he could build, he spoke again.

“...I-if you want it to be.”

You brought the straw of your slushy up to your lips, noting that it was raspberry, very much red in colour. Your eyes wondered over to Ted’s slushy which was blue, and mischief ignited in your heart.

“You wanna make purple?” you asked, though Ted only tilted his head in confusion. “Huh?”

Without warning, you grabbed the collar of his shirt and you kissed him.

~

[sofoulandfairaday]

The ultimate How I Met Your Mother Finale rant

I know this has been done before, and I know I'm several years late to the party, but I don't care, so IN THIS ESSAY I WILL tell you about why this finale takes the spot as the second-worst finale in TV show history (because Game of Thrones is still, to this day, unbeatable, and it will probably stay like that forever). 

But first, a little context: I've just finished binge-watching HIMYM. This binge has been going on for three days straight (my final exam of the semester is in a week and I should be studying, so the fact that the last few days were a partial waste of time makes me so mad). Second thing: I already knew how it would end, and yes, kids, it does ruin the show for you. It ruins the show so much it makes your blood boil when you rewatch certain scenes, but I will get to that. 

You might want to make yourself a drink because this is a complete list of all the reasons why HIMYM's finale sucks - I'm warning you, it's gonna be looong.

It completely invalidates the entirety of season 9

This is one of the complaints people most often have with this series, and I have to agree. It would have been so much better if the last two episodes never existed, and they just showed Barney and Robin dancing at the reception after walking out of the chapel, Ted noticing Tracy and then the platform scene. "And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother". Cut scene. Honestly, I don't get the hate people give to season 9, barring the last 2/3 episodes, especially since season 8 was so much worse (except for a few honourable mentions, like The Robin). S8 was slower, less funny, and less deep, and while the authors took a risk by making s9 happen in the span of a weekend it paid off: they took their time introducing the character of the Mother to the gang and fleshing her out. They make sure to highlight all the little ways in which Ted and Tracy are perfect for each other, and even tie up loose ends, like with the Slapsgiving episode, that was a filler but it wasn't boring to watch (although it may be problematic for different reasons, I'm not Chinese, so I can't say for sure if it's cultural appropriation or just the authors making fun of a particular movie genre). 

Some episodes were arguably great: "Daisy" was amazing, and that whole fight between Marshall and Lily was so realistic and well thought out, "Sunrise" was extremely important for Ted's character development, same goes for Tracy and "How Your Mother Met Me", "Bedtime stories" was impressive, "Rally" was incredibly funny and proved once again what a beautiful character Barney Stinson is, so much so that even Robin never has doubts that he (the guy with the biggest commitment issues on the planet) will bail on her before the wedding, and says to Ted that "he always comes back". Daphne's character is super funny and the right amount of annoying, the shenanigans of the gang are well thought out and all of the characters (not just Barney) complete their arc in this season. The last two/three episodes butcher that.

Marshall and Lily

Marshall and Lily, arguably the world's most solid couple, are the only thing this God-awful finale gets right, especially Marshall, who is my second-favourite character, that finally gets everything he deserves. But what about Lily? They never mention her career after Italy, and I refuse to believe she goes back to being a kindergarten teacher as if her year in Rome meant nothing. I also refuse to think she becomes nothing but a political wife, the equivalent of Zoey, but without saving the world. We know she has three kids, but her postpartum depression is never really talked about much and they definitely had the screentime to delve into it. 

Barney

 Where do I even begin? Barney Stinson is, without a doubt, the best character in this series, the glue of the whole gang. I think the message they were trying to give is that, since his trauma stemmed from the absence of a father figure in his life, he could only truly heal by becoming a father as well. People also say that n°31 had to stay just a number, because who could match up with Barney Stinson? First of all, I call BULSHIT on that last point, because Robin wasn't the only girl Barney could have ended up marrying. I used to think that too, but it's just not true: that is the equivalent of saying that Barney was incapable to truly love a woman and commit to her, even after all the development he got, and that he only got one shot at love in life, and that's it. This goes against the point the showrunners try to make by having Ted and Robin end up together AND by having Tracy get with Ted in the first place: "it's never too late, you always have another chance at love, etc." And, let's face it, Barney and Robin are legendary, but Barney and Nora (hell, even Barney and Quinn!) were pretty good together too. 

Second of all, if they wanted to give Barney a kid, they could have easily done that, before Barney married Robin. Barney's "redemption" starts when he gets with Robin the first time, hell maybe even when we meet James for the first time: Nora, Quinn, finding out who his father is, the episode dedicated to the lies his mum told him/finding James' father, him getting to know his own dad, etc... those are all steps along the way. The s9 episode where Barney accepts the relationship between Loretta and the reverend proves how far he's come. So why not give him a daughter BEFORE he proposes to Robin? Have him cheat on Nora/Quinn with n°31, giving him a relapse, and having him get closer to Robin while struggling to be a dad to Ellie. That would have been great. 

Or, you know, don't give him children. What's the point of burning the Playbook if you're going to have him write the second edition? What's the point of having him do a complete 180 in the last few scenes and acting like having a kid is the only thing that makes him change? What's the point of doing that when the show spends entire episodes berating Marshall and Lily for "changing too much" when they have a kid?

Also, Barney is the "challenge accepted" guy. He loves his wife so much, he spent years wanting her, and then he gives up because there is no WiFi in his hotel. How does that make any sense at all? This is Barney Stinson, the "I will fly out to San Francisco and buy Lily a plane ticket", the "I will steal every girl from my best friend just to save him for Lily", the guy that wrote the Playbook (it takes effort to pull those plays off), the guy that planned for weeks his proposal, the guy that waited years to get back at the man who stole his first girlfriend, the guy that makes every night legendary... are you telling me that that guy becomes the equivalent of a bored housewife instead of living his best life while travelling the world? Come on. They don't even try to make it believable.

Ted

While watching seasons 7 and 8, I felt that Ted was becoming the worst character on the show: he was boring, depressed, basically had no good storylines, the whole thing with Victoria was pointless and inconclusive (and the whole "stop being in love with Robin" was completely out of character for her), but whatever, we could have accepted that because it passed the message that two people could be good together, without being soulmates - which, by the way, renders the TedxRobin ship pointless, because they were right for each other, but Ted and Tracy were soulmates. Him being hung up on Robin in the latter seasons is almost pathetic, and the thing he does with the locket is insane, not romantic - BUT I will say this: it can be seen in two ways, depending on who's watching. I personally like the two as friends, so I see the whole thing as a "Dahmer" situation, but I get the people who see it as a "Dobler" one and see what he did as a grand romantic gesture. 

The problem, though, is that the whole TedxRobin ship gets pretty old, pretty fast: it's an annoying on-and-off thing, that should have ended with the locket. Because, yes, Ted was in a dark moment, yes, he was probably depressed, yes, he thought Robin was his only shot at happiness, but he changes during season nine! He spends entire episodes letting go of Robin, including the one where she transforms into a balloon and flies away. Ted is the good guy, ultimately. He is the guy that is genuinely happy for his best friends. In one of the deleted scenes from the finale, he meets Robin years later and says that he's so happy with Tracy he never thought about Robin in that way anymore. All of that gets thrown in the trash. Why do that? To use a Harry Potter metaphor, Ted is Severus Snape, while Barney is James Potter: the former loved the girl of his dreams with all his heart, even to the point of creepiness, but they weren't meant to be together. 

Robin

This, along with the next point, is the worst of all: Robin is the worst character of the entire finale. Her relationship with Ted in season 2 is wonderful, and I say that as a full-on Barney/Robin shipper. There was never a problem in their relationship, apparently, but they then break up because they have an "expiration date" and ultimately want different things in life. Except that Ted is not her soulmate. The only times when Robin wants Ted are the times where (1) she can't have him because he's either trying to move on or (2) the times where it's convenient, for example when they become roommates again and they solve their disputes again. Around that time, we see perfectly that Ted had moved on and that the person getting hurt was Barney. It's one thing to see Ted and Robin in the finale as two people picking up where they had left off after they dated. But this is not the case. 

In season 7, we have the exchange that should have put an end to any and all TedxRobin drama, and that completely invalidates whatever the writers wrote after that about the two of them: Ted declares his love - "I think you know how you feel about me now. I don't think time's gonna change that. Just tell me: do you love me?" To which she answers "No". And Ted also says later to Marshall, that he's "happy because he can finally move on". 

What a load of crap. 

Getting over someone is hard, believe me, I would know. And, oftentimes, it doesn't happen until we find someone else to love (and from the moment he meets Tracy, there is no one else for Ted). But by giving Ted feelings for Robin after this moment, it takes away from the beauty of it- because it's one of the most heartbreaking feelings in the world when you declare your love to someone and they don't love you back. Ted and Robin were both honest at that moment, and it was the last genuinely good exchange between them. After that, during season 8 they try to show us Ted trying to get over her (and failing) and in season 9 Ted getting over her completely. This is also weirdly paced because at the beginning of s8 both are in happy relationships with other people and there's no jealousy (which is good, because at least they weren't toxic) and they seem just friends (when Robin leaves Nick to go see him in the middle of the night, she implies that she would do it for any of her friends), but after Ted breaks up with Veronica because of Robin everything is weirdly coated in this sort of tension between the two: first Ted loves her, but she doesn't, so when he helps her by taking her to Barney's proposal ("which means my best bro in the world has given me his blessing"). 

And, by the way, every time they try to paint Ted as the guy that comes through for Robin after this moment, they dumb down Barney's character. And still fail to make Ted a better guy than him (see: the carousel in Central Park). 

Yes, Robin and Ted have some chemistry, but it is nothing compared to what Robin and Barney have. Every time Robin is jealous of Barney, it doesn't seem like a stupid whim, just because some other child is playing with her toys (except, perhaps, during The Robin). Robin and Barney's relationship would need a whole other post, and the next time I rewatch the series I will write down all the things that make them perfect for each other, but, to me, the biggest difference between the two relationships is this: in season 6, when she's not dating either one of them, Ted accuses Robin of never making him feel needed while they were together, whereas Barney praises her for it. Those are elective affinities: that's what Barney and Robin have, and what Tracy and Ted have. 

Barney and Robin have more or less the same arc: they both get over their fear of commitment and they do that with each other. Time and time again, we are told that if they're ever going to settle down, it would only be with the other. The first time they break up is honestly so stupid, and even when they are broken up, they are the best of friends, which also makes Robin's behaviour in the finale look so stupid. The way the two of them fit together is unparalleled, both in a romantic and a platonic way. 

Think about it: Robin makes Barney a better man, while she makes Ted a worse one. 

Also, the whole point that there are different seasons in life for everything gets thrown out the window: apparently, Ted and Robin (that were a couple that ultimately worked in their young twenties) are the same people in their forties.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that the two final episodes butcher Robin's arc as well: episode 23 starts with Lily saying "I want this girl to be in our lives" and we know Robin never made other friends outside of the gang, because she didn't need to, and now she walks away from everything because of fucking Ted?? This is saying "hey, Robin was only in the group for Ted, who brought her in, and now she leaves because he's not her puppy anymore". Robin was the one that was eternally indecisive between Ted and Barney and you're telling me that three years and many many life experiences later, she's still not sure? 

The point of her story is learning how to get over her fear of commitment, learning how to be there for her friends (there's an entire episode dedicated to that, and it's the one where Lily's pregnant and we meet Robin's ex-best friend in Canada), and how to balance her job and her life. Also, the way her character is treated is un-feminist and un-progressive: she becomes Ted's consolation prize. She is passive throughout s9. She cannot, ultimately, win the modern-day struggle most women have and balance out career and love life, so her true life, her "happy chapter" begins after she has already accomplished everything she wanted to and she's free for Ted. She doesn't even go back to him, she just the prize the main character wanted for all his life and only got in the end because his wife died (ONE SCENE, people, ONE SCENE!). Also, this makes Tracy the "broodmare" that gives him the kids he wanted, and his "happy family" experience before he goes to be with his one true love. 

The mother

This. This makes me so mad. One whole season spent on building up Tracy's character, just for it to go to waste. It would have been so easy to screw her up, but she is hands down the best thing about s9. She's the perfect woman for Ted and the episode shot through her perspective is the sweetest. By the end, I liked her more than Robin and Lily. She was the perfect addition to their group, she fit together with them in a perfect way, and they show us the biggest moment of her and Ted's life... for what? To have her die in a few sentences? And I don't care if they shot a funeral scene, I don't care if the finale was supposed to be 40 minutes long, because, in the end, it wasn't. The scene where Ted meets her is the second most beautiful one (after Barney's proposal to Robin) and the climax of the whole show, but they ruin her... and for what? The chemistry Ted has with her, he has with no one. The joy she brings him, the way she understands him, is unlike any other. I am sure that one of the reasons they killed her off was the shock value and I hate it. 

I cannot stress this enough: Tracy makes Ted a better person. When he's with Robin, Ted is "the nice guy" in the most selfish and narcissistic version of the trope. When he's with Tracy, love comes easy to Ted. Also, the scenes between the two of them are arguably the best Ted scenes of the show.

The kids' reactions (ugh)

It's not really what they say- it's the way they say it. The end of HIMYM was not supposed to be funny, even though the show is a sitcom. It was supposed to be bittersweet and beautiful, because it's the end of an era, and the writers must have known that. So, Ted finishes telling his story, reveals to the audience that their now-beloved Tracy is dead, and the reaction is: "No, ahah, you totally have the hots for Aunt Robin" (their words, not mine). Like, what the actual fuck? I cringed when Penny said that. It's tasteless and not fun at all. Even if it has been six years... It's still your fucking mum, show a little bit of sadness at the thought of her. 

The reason the show ended this way

What makes me especially mad is that I know for a fact that the reason they went with this ending is that it was the original one, always intended for the show, from season 2 onwards. And, if you watch it right after s2, it makes sense. But if you consider the eight years that passed and the massive character development, then no, it's not the best possible one. So many things hadn't been decided yet back in s2, especially about Barney, Ted, and Robin, and I hate that they didn't dare to scrap their work. This ending probably had sentimental meaning to the writers, but authors have to do what's best for their characters, not themselves. It's like with GoT, in a way: I think that the authors were all too aware of the impact of HIMYM and didn't believe that their finale would live up to the expectations... which compelled them to make the worst decision possible?? Every single character is OOC during the episode. Oh, and Marshall and Lily moving in the last episode is a ripoff from Friends (or maybe a tribute? Idk). Anyway, I believe that the authors were too attached to their sentimental version of "what should have been" and didn't give the characters the endings they truly deserved.

"Life works this way" // "Life only moves forward"

Some people say that the show is realistic because that's how life works. But I call super-BS on that. That might be true, and yes, people do get sick and die (Max, Marshall's dad...) and life does go on. But then, you don't frame it the way they did. It's just bad storytelling if you do it like that. And the problem is not the structure of season 9, because the characters develop in that season. The problem isn't even the mother's death. The problem is Ted ending up with Robin because that's not life moving forward for him, that's him, doing the same thing he did in 2005, 25 (twenty-fucking-five) years before! 

In conclusion, this finale is incoherent and inconclusive, and not satisfying at all. The only character that gets a good ending is Marshall: why is that? What makes his ending great? It's the fact that his character arc is respected and he finally gets what he's been working towards for more than ten years.

[no-psi-nan]

Thank you so much for the asks, they literally give me life. Love having an excuse to go off about my faves!!

Now like, I'm a big multi-shipper and I think Saiki could easily be paired up with most of his friends, or with Satou, or be fully aroace. There's plenty of great discussions to be had there.

BUT in canon, Aiura's predictions are never wrong. That means that she and Saiki are at minimum platonic soulmates. The hill I'll die on is that Aiura and Saiki are besties for life and I will now elaborate some of my top reasons why:

Saiki canonically admits, in his tsundere way, that going out for dessert with Aiura is better than going alone. As much as he tries to pretend this isn't the case at first, he enjoys her company.

Side note: on the first "date" at Café Mami, Aiura asks Saiki for a bite of coffee jelly and he naturally refuses. I maintain that if she had waited for her tricked out coffee jelly to arrive and offered him a bite, his coffee-jelly-simp ass would have 100% taken it lmfao.

I don't think it's recognized enough that Saiki is nosy as hell and wants to know the latest gossip so bad. He was ALL EARS when Kuboyasu and Kaido were trying to figure out if Hairo was gay, immediately started following Kuboyasu to find out who sent him that love letter, and has way too much interest in Chiyo's love life way after she stopped being interested in him.

You cannot tell me he wouldn't start gossiping with Aiura at the tiniest opening. He only doesn't gossip with other people because he doesn't actually talk to his other friends for 99% of canon lmao. And there is really something so satisfying about gossiping with your bestie. AND Aiura is literally the best person ever to gossip with because SHE CAN CONFIRM!!! Like, they can speculate about the relationship between X and Y as much as they like, and she can literally just turn to her crystal ball and be like "yeah actually they went on a date last Tuesday and they've got plans for Saturday but their compatibility is only like 14% lmao". This would appeal SO MUCH to Saiki's intrinsic need to know everything that is going on around him at all times.

They TRUST EACH OTHER! There's no way they wouldn't seek out each other for advice on tricky matters. While Saiki might have 50 billion magical powers, he's not exactly a people person like Aiura and could probably use her help when figuring out how to deal with people. Plus, he knows her heart is in the right place and she sees stuff from a different perspective, which can be really helpful. Not to mention her powers! And Aiura would certainly seek out Saiki's advice, especially for power-related issues. I can specifically see them talking about the long-term effects and ethics of Mind Control and the societal impacts... Much to discuss lol.

Saiki canonically enjoys karaoke and does an awful lot of funky dancing in the anime openings and endings. He might not want to go to the club, but he and Aiura definitely do karaoke and probably dance in there too lmao.

While Saiki might have issues later on with keeping up with his friends (like, calling them regularly and hanging out after they're not all in school together), there's no way Aiura would let him fall out of touch. She knows how he is, and she really seems like the kind of girl who stays in touch with all of the friends she's ever had, at least a little bit!

Okay I should probably stop here cuz this post is long enough but in conclusion Aiura & Saiki being besties is so important no matter what Saiki does romantically, thank you for coming to my TED talk lmao.

[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x7 Thoughts

“Headspace” is a very apt name for this episode, in which we learned almost no new information about the characters in Ted Lasso but learned a great deal about the way many characters’ brains work.

Most of the episodes this season have been so full of new information (if you wanna know something about how my brain works, the critique that early s2 episodes lack conflict does not compute), so full of dramatic irony (Sam and Rebecca don’t realize they’re messaging each other on Bantr! Rebecca’s voicemail to Ted doesn’t actually indicate that she spent a significant portion of time panicking and looking for him!), and misunderstandings that it was really nice to spend a bit over thirty minutes on an episode with very easily mappable plotlines.

Ted and Sharon and Therapy

Ordinarily in my little recaps I talk about the characters as real people making their own decisions, because every character on this show feels very real. But I have to take a minute to just, like, celebrate the acting in these scenes. Sarah Niles and Jason Sudeikis brought the perfect energy to each of their three scenes in Dr. Sharon’s office.

The drinking bird toy! The way he switches from nodding along with it to shaking his head no while the bird continues to shake its head yes, just like Ted shook his head no while saying yes, they should hire a sports psychologist! The way he finally stills the bird in the final therapy scene in the episode...but performatively throws the tissue box.

(Someone is going to need those tissues, Ted. It might be you.)

I also LOVE that this is the first time we see Sharon in an extended scene that takes place in a session. We’ve seen her rapport with the players, we’ve seen the results, and we’ve seen the things she does to make someone feel comfortable at the start of a session, and that’s all the information WE need to know to feel confident in her excellence as a psychologist. But because Ted hasn’t been able to fully appreciate those things, it’s so fitting that his sessions are a time for us to learn more about Sharon’s approach along with him.

It’s just...such good acting. The way she tells him he doesn’t need to worry. The kind of charming (but not performatively charming, just...charming) smile on his face when he claims he knows he doesn’t need to worry. And the way his voice changes a little as the conversations progress—deeper, less controlled, with some very genuine Midwestern “ma’am”s.

Sam and Rebecca and Awkwardness

Sam and Rebecca were so awkward when talking to each other in the hallway! If I had been in that hallway I would have been physically unable to stop myself from doing something even more awkward and diverting to make it stop. (I say this as someone who is neither disgusted by or delighted by the direction of the Bantr storyline. This is a good story about two good people who are in very different places in their lives existing in both a manufactured connection and the real, and very different, connection they have when they aren’t glued to their phones. This story is supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable.)

I did like the parallels of their friends sort of urging them on/coaching them through the inherent panic of the three dots that appear and disappear—a source of panic whether you’re the one creating the dots on the other screen or watching them and feeling at their mercy.

I like that in this episode both Ted and Rebecca are loudly broadcasting “I AM NOT IN THE RIGHT HEADSPACE FOR A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP”—Ted with his rueful awareness that Michelle would be upset if she heard him still referring to her as his wife, Rebecca with her insistence that relationships are doomed and awful even though she’s talking to two people (Keeley and Higgins) in committed relationships.

Roy and Keeley and Space

This plot was a really wonderful...counterpoint? complement? to the places both Ted and Rebecca are in as Ted starts to come to terms with the fact that he’s going to have to deal with his past and the losses he’s suffered (including the loss of his marriage) and as Rebecca questions whether she’s really going to embark on the next phase of a relationship with someone whose identity she does not know.

Because Ted and Rebecca are stuck apart, it was great to see Keeley struggle with needing space from Roy without worrying for a second about whether or not this challenge was a threat to their relationship. (Keeley and Roy aren’t used to long haul relationships, so they both see it as a threat, but the audience doesn’t have to.)

There was so much going on in that boot room. I love the coexisting realities there—Rebecca and Keeley and Higgins treating the boot room as their personal room for secret smoking, but as the crowd grows all these other unspoken dynamics emerge (it’s been two days since the panic attack and this is the first time we see Ted and Rebecca in the same room and there’s no evidence that they’ve talked about what happened with the panic attack or Rebecca’s parents or any of the big stuff).

Everything about Keeley’s plotline this episode reminded me of how Ted and Keeley are so similar (and, to a lesser extent, Rebecca and Roy are so similar). Rebecca and Roy both tend to write things off (Rebecca is so certain any relationship she has will be doomed, but it’s just because of how hurt she already is; Roy wanted to convince himself he was happier as a pundit than as a coach, but it’s just because he was scared of how much he wanted to be back on on the pitch), only able to deal with things when a safe person like Ted or Keeley sort of startles growth out of them. (We talk a lot about how Rebecca should be in therapy, but Roy should too.) And Ted and Keeley! Everything’s great, everything’s sunny, but look at how Keeley stands on her couch and screams in sadness and anger when she blows up at Roy and he leaves.

This time, things work out between Roy and Keeley because he figures out what Keeley was trying to communicate and respects what she needs, but in the future she’s going to have to figure out how to articulate herself more clearly. (And so will Ted...not only in therapy with Sharon, but as everything with the other coaches and the team and Will and basically everyone in his life come to light.)

Nate and Beard and Twitter-Insecurity-Rage

Ahhhhhhhhh.

This plotline made me feel almost as nervous for Ted (the things he doesn’t know) and Beard (the things he knows) as it did for Nate and Colin and Will and everyone.

At first I was really bothered by the repetition of Nate checking Twitter. We know! He’s on Twitter a lot now that he’s semi-famous! He’s obsessed! But then it occurred to me that it’s extremely perfect that Nate checking Twitter becomes this silent refrain building him up or tearing him down based on the latest 280-character compliment or take-down. Because this is how the internet works! You get obsessed with something on it and then check it a million times per day until you feel sick. It could be a dating app, or a trending story, or almost anything. If you check it often enough, the internet won’t even have anything truly new for you...it just feels like it does. So the repetition of Nate scrolling Twitter wasn’t meant to deliver us new information, but rather to mimic the old information coming through again and again.

I feel so deeply for Nate, who’s brilliant about football but unfit to coach because the power dynamics of coaching are a totally foreign concept to someone like him, who relies entirely on external inputs to take his actions. Ted and Beard and Roy all go and learn things and bring them back to the pitch, but none of them have had the capacity to teach Nate how to do this. Even Nate’s private thoughts, which he wrote down during s1, only come to light when Ted prompts him. And when your external inputs are coming from social media and an unappreciative father and a hyper-awareness of insult after years spent on the receiving end of bullying...it’s very dangerous. Maybe even literally physically dangerous.

I also feel so deeply for everyone who interacts with Nate right now, particularly Will.

Some Bonus but Never Extraneous Trent Crimm

Trent in the pub made me NERVOUS. Seeing him in this new place where Ted goes to wind down, almost coaching Ted through lying to him about having had food poisoning?! When they both clearly know that isn’t what happened?!?

It felt very fitting that this uncomfortable yet kind-of-mercifully-executed lie takes place towards the end of an episode full of such positive and negative growth for the characters. Such movement. It felt all wrong (in a good way), like covering something new and smooth and precious with spackle because maybe you actually wanna paint something else after all even though it won’t serve you in the long run to do it. To paraphrase Dr. Sharon, the truth will set you free but first it will piss you off, and Ted’s conversation with Trent is a reminder of all the layers there are to cut through on the way to the truth.

If Apple TV could simply release 2x8 - 2x12 this week, I would bargain with something crazy and miserable like giving up caffeine until October 8, the air date for the season finale. I continue to love this season and to feel the serenity of watching excellent actors execute on excellent scripts...but we’re getting to the point where the momentum’s built up and is heading to ever-scarier places, and I neeeeeeeeeed to knoooooooow.