#and sometimes it's so incredibly painful
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I'm finally catching up on @odessa-castle's wonderful fic Nothing Like the Sun, which you should definitely read, especially if you're a Wyllstarion shipper.
Anyway, I mention this because I'm reading chapter 27 and I think I just read the most Astarion-coded sentence I've ever read in a BG3 fanfic:
"Well, if someone’s bound for the hells, anyway, is it so bad to be the one who sends them there?”
I'm just kind of stricken is all.
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion ancunín#fic rec#odessa-castle#fanfiction#not mine#i love this fic so much#it really digs into astarion and wyll's psyches#and why they are the way they are#and sometimes it's so incredibly painful#but it's so good#definitely go read it and give odessa some love
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god i want. an au where it dosn't work. where it's just arr g'raha who's woken up, and he doesn't have all these memories and all these people keep looking at him like they're mourning someone. the world has changed and time has changed and all the people he knows have changed, but he hasn't changed, he was just sleeping, just sleeping, and the world nearly ended several times and apparently he helped prevent yet another end but he has no memory of this. they want him to join the scions. he does not know these people. (he barely knows the warrior of light, now, but did he ever truly know them in the first place?) his little sister is alive and well. she looks at him like a ghost. she's changed, and she's older than him now. he acts bratty and loud and brash to cover up the fact that he does not know anything it seems, and he is tired but he was sleeping for so long, so how could he be tired?
he doesn't know these people. they seem to know him. he wonders if he'd killed someone, when it was him and not that exarch who woke up. he wonders if it should have been him who was "killed" in that way, if it is him that lives and not that man who had known and become friends with all these figures from legend. he wonders if he'll always be fated to be a historian one step back from everything, because he simply cannot be a hero.
#bound with thread | original posts#letters in verse | talking#g'raha tia#crystal exarch#hello everyone i am being Incredibly Normal about g'raha tia at -checks time- 12:02 am#you ever think about the fact that arr g'raha is basically killed/replaced when the exarch wakes up in 5.3. because i do. a lot#hi i have brainworms over this man he's SO tragic and i need to hold him gently in my hands like how you cradle a small trembling kitten#genuinely happy about his character growth and progression and happy ending and all but arr g'raha was the one who grabbed my focus#and i do miss a lot of that character sometimes yknow? post-shb g'raha isn't the same person as arr g'raha and that's intentional‚ i think‚#because he has gone through so much that we didn't see. so much trauma and pain because of the 8th umbral era and that loss he got hit with#and he's not the same person because he's *had* to change so much to keep himself and his people alive and i'm glad he's getting to#experience life to the fullest in endwalker onwards but just. i miss arr g'raha yknow#honestly the silliest thing about it is i miss his student of baldesion tattoo. was a fun little design element you know.#show us the tattoo again squeenix. give him back his red eyeshadow that he had.#give him his bow back i am begging#this has been: incomprehensible ramblings from simon at 12 at night
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sometimes you need to make a cross stitch of a niche outdated meme to feel alive and now he watches me sleep.
also if anyone wants the pattern to this for some ungodly reason then just ask and i'll post it.
#this is actually from a few years ago but i didn't have social media then so you get to see my wonderful work now#i hung him up so he can watch me sleep#i made this when i was in the worst pain of my life and it's incredibly funny in retrospect#sometimes when you have a two week long migraine you just need to focus on something really stupid#creeper eight#eighth doctor#dweu#fanart#i mean... that's generous#my art#my posts#doctor who
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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In my ideal world where people with my specific brand of autism are the majority, karaoke bars would overtake nightclubs as the primary form of entertainment. This includes using them as a way to get laid. Build sexual tension by singing a duet, cowards.
#i like drinking and dancing#but nightclubs are physically painful for me to be in#because of how incredibly loud they are#so i sometimes like to imagine an alternate world that aligns with my specific tastes#pretty sure i'm demisexual#but i might feel more attracted to people generally#if more people tried to use the power of song#it works for birds anyway right?#i think it would probably work on me
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I know i'm like 7 years late with the realization, but the first time reading the All for the game books left only chaos in my brain, which i haven't revisited since 2016.. until now!
So now rereading The raven king and knowing what will happen, the funny realization is seeing Wymack being the first one to probably guess something happening between Neil and Andrew.
When the whole "Andrew's hand under Neil's t-shirt to gain his trust, while standing in front of other ppl" scene was going on, and Wymack seeing it, and later asking Neil:
It's the "Wymack eyed him" so funny for me, bc he just realized even Neil didn't know. (I think Wymack was facepalming on the inside, thinking 'he really is that stupid'.)
And then at the beginning of The King's men, again:
("A brief, pitying glance." You love to read that! poor Neil lol, he's only confused by what Wymack means)
ajbfjdj it's almost a comedy (and a tragedy, at the same time 🥲)
#aahh rereading it feels so nostalgic#im only at the beginning of the kings men but im already postponing reading it bc i know whats gonna happen.......trauma and angst and pain#but at the same time!!! i missed them! idk why i havent reread it sooner sometime in the past years#but its a funny experience to do so even now#tfc#all for the game#andreil#wymack#neil josten#andrew minyard#i have too many screenshots mostly of andreil slowly happening before they even realize that its so painful and incredible 😭🥲#mine#aftg#the foxhole court
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I’m super glad you gave ganon actual pants in your art, every time I see his canon design I cringe because ganny….baby girl… you’re gonna get thrush wearing that (even though he might not have the right parts for thrush)
AGDKAH):&hjzjf nsASJF ??;???? KS$/8h JDLASAHAJAJASHF DH$:/KFJAKSLXSHS :?:);? ???????? I MEAN YOU;RE, NOT WRONG,
#ask#ganondorf#it took me a second to absorb this i rly do appreciate it tho#honestly i feel like i go back & forth on how i draw his outfit bc the canon one is compelling but also im like why are u wearing a leotard#over like a. skintight bodysuit#which i’m not gonna lie is actually an incredible ensemble#but then some of his in game textures make it look like he’s wearing studded leather on his shoulders/legs and the brown part is 2 pieces#so i’ll do different things sometimes but yeah anyway i rly do know your pain lol#thank you Ganondorf Thrush Anon
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tags continued from prev post.
#and all of this is true while it is ALSO true that her songs age incredibly well#even debut or random soundtrack songs or endgame#whatever song people try to put on the worst Taylor songs list NEVER QUITE BELONGS#it doesn’t feel right. and to some extent occasionally in mercurial flashes I feel the same about her BEST songwriting list#I can never rank anything of hers ever because she can write better than she has written#if anything finds her own songwriting dead it’s what her future self will be able to achieve#and I think sometimes even the public can SENSE this about her and it’s part of why people are sooooo hard on her in a brutal way#and in a way they never are with other artists. who have reached the limits of their potential#Taylor has not reached the limits —that’s the simple way of saying it#in some way she is still figuring out the artist she is going to be#and I really do think that it is going to be absolutely astonishing#because in some ways (this is going to sound crazy) she is still distracted by her success and her tour#she’s NOT but I mean. the canon hasn’t been fully set free#there are still somehow things holding her back#and we’ve watched her outstrip so much of those early confines that fame and the business of the music industry strapped around her#we’ve seen her say ‘that doesn’t apply to me’#but actually she’s going to and she needs to and I believe she WILL continue to move into rarefied air#my mom helped me give me the final piece of this feeling (and it’s just a deep gut intuition/brain chemical thing for me)#when she said one day almost in mild exasperation: maybe one day Taylor will grow into a Dolly Parton#and something CLICKED#in my brain. and I don’t agree with my mom in terms of her non-interest in Taylor (as much as it has pained me to do so)#I think she’s worth loving and paying attention to now#but that gap that exists between people who love her and people who don’t (full time haters internet trolls do not interact)#I think it’s going to close with time as her work stretches out and out and grows and changes#like I think by the end of her career we are going to have something so astonishing#and to loop it back for a second to a previous thought. I think that’s why sometimes a taylor song can sound disjointed to me. because it#will hit the Depths of the Depth for a second. it will transcend and then it will go back to merely being an excellent pop song#those flashes are everywhere in her work but I think she is going to work and hone them into being conductors of light in a more steady way#the older she gets. does this sound INSANE. idk sometimes I think it does and then sometimes I think it DOESNt. so who knows. but yeah#it’s hard to say because I know it will read as more critical of Taylor than I mean it to be. when really I mean it with so much awe
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Hiiiii! If you have a minute, look up both Phyllopteryx taeniolatus and Phycodurus eques! (Not necesseraly for a critter drawing just for looking at pretty things, because either would be a nightmare to draw probably with the shapes and colours.) But they look gorgeous none the less! I've been made aware of them by @murkyquirky and they are gorgeous! *v*
!!!! I have so many minutes to look at those bad boys!!! I LOVE sea dragons SO much aaaaa. Sea horses get all the fame but their cousins are so superior imo. Like, legit literal sea fairies 🧚♀️🐉🌿 (also, you can't tell me what to do (/j) SO! DRAWINGS BE UPON YE!)
Phyllopteryx Taelionatus aka Common Seadragon or Weedy Seadragon (ha!) & Phycodurus Eques aka Leafy Seadragon (my personal favourites)
What's funny is that, unlike bugs which are super symmetrical and rigid, these bad boys are 1000x more fun and easier to draw.
Cus I can lowkey bullshit my way with leafy-like fluid shapes, splash on a little colour and badabing badaboom, you got yourself a Leafy Boy 🌱🐉
(if i scheduled this right and if tumblr cooperates, i should have a little extra something posted after this 👀)
#thank you both for bringing these cuties to my attention#i love sea dragons so so so much#bugs are a pain in the ass to make because of their ridiculously intricate patterns and symmetry#(which is why i love making them. they force me to quiet down and really pay attention to everything)#(they're super out of my comfort zone which is sometimes super necessary. plus they are super beautiful)#(as someone who works with colours it's great content for my visual library so to speak)#these guys tho. super super fun and easy to make. very colourful. incredibly fluid. silly looking#very friend shape#anything that vaguely resembles leaves and flowers has my love tbh#anyways ignore the tags i am typing this at [not fun hours]am so who knows how it will look in the morning#seadragon#darya does art#darya answers
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in my hater era
#sophie speaks#tw vent#like. what. what???#i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin#struggling hugely#had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something#and you know. thats on me#but saying like#im NOT trying??#i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person#what???#trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset#idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this#express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time#but then they dont believe you??#trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes#like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself#i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive#im so tired#ive been suicidal for like 7 years now#my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just#it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit#cripplepunk core lmao#cripple and im going to kill you#this is just geniunely upsetting#i feel like i need a good cry#i really am so tired#i feel like i just dont want to do this#why am i paying for this? why am i doing this?#if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it
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sigh…..when you discover a new favorite author whose writing is so clearly of a niche variety judging from the average reviews coming from other readers….😓
#❣️#the pain of seeing other people not enjoying jin shisi chai’s writing as much as i have is borderline excruciating 🥲#like this author knows how to write & solve a good mystery and she will solve it good#i was so worried getting into ‘lip and sword’ + ‘in the dark’ because of these mixed reviews and then i ended up loving them??#just came out of finishing vol.1 of ‘in the dark’ and now here i am….literally sitting in the dark of my bedroom….#….wondering how i could’ve clearly enjoyed the story more than others#some readers said there had to be a fault with the translation bc of how disjointed the story read and how inconsistent and im just thinkin#you guys know this is a psychological mystery right…….? it is meant to feel disjointed sometimes#but even then i sincerely think the writing was very well done#like yeah the pacing was incredibly slow so you really have to be in the right mood for it and take your time#but that doesn’t mean it’s bad#in the dark#booklr
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if you want to volunteer at a wildlife rehab to satisfy your desire to cuddle animals then you should reconsider volunteering at a wildlife rehab
#ive met people who are like this and what it leads to on top of harming the animal and their chance of release is just being irresponsible#ive been soaking wounds on a juvie possum who was terrified and in pain and had a coworker stop to stare at the animal and coo at it because#it was ‘so cute’. i get it i get the urge i catch myself behaving irresponsibly like that sometimes but even doing that is irresponsible#if you want to cuddle animals volunteer at a shelter because doing that at a wildlife center is harmful#this is about the account i just saw who started volunteering in march of this year and stated that getting to cuddle and nurture animals#was a motivation which. if you’re rehabbing wildlife cuddling should not be happening#and then a month later they were home rehabbing baby possums and the list of things they posted themselves doing was horrendous. if we did#that where i work we’d be dismissed. i don’t know how they’re home rehabbing after a month when there’s no way a person can be certified in#that time. and it shows because the things they’ve posted themselves doing are incredibly irresponsible#wildlife rehab adventures
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// just remembered j/ill has to live without both c/live AND j/oshua. i hate this stupid baka life
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challenged myself to just like draw a comic page in a few hours and just calling it done when times up. so I guess this is a continuation to those TMNT au iteration designs I posted before! Sorry y'alls first glimpse of Splinter is her bleeding on the ground?
#Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles#TMNT#tmnt iteration#TMNT AU#Splinter tmnt#comic#ignore that the bricks change orientation i noticed that too late maybe i'll fix it later...#Girl you are BLEEDING#blood#injury#sometimes becoming a rat woman is an incredibly deadly and painful process maybe#I've been working on some dnd specific comics and art this week so only one page for this side project this week but I am still thinking#about more for this au/iteration thing!#so more to follow probably#I still wanted to post SOME art to this blog this week even tho the dnd stuff is secret for now#so more tmnt it is#oh splints i will finish ur ref sheet soon maybe
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read the scratch upd8. little too close to home
#tw vent#in tags at least#when i was reading hs like 3 ish years ago i related a lot to vriska and terezi cause i was in what i think was a really destructive#friendship qpp thing with my best friend online and a boy who liked both of us but mostly her.i was incredibly isolated irl as was my friend#and all my other online friends. i really should have seen that something bad could happen but i didnt and i got into a really deep#depression for like 3 months after but. my dearest friend girl decided to start befriending a 30 yo man and i. like an idiot. followed her#like a lovesick puppy even though all the warning bells were going off. we were in a gc with him that we texted in at all times of the day &#night and we shared selfies and dreams and our daily problems with isolation or hw or whatever. he got more and more creepy and my dearest#friend lashed out at him because she was scared while i sort of stopped talking as much because i was scared but. he still talked to me lots#in dms. he talked shit about the authority figures in our lives and isolated us from our ither online friends he made creepy picrews of me &#my friend getting married and he talked about moving in with us one day. we blocked him but sometimes he still tries to contact me. after it#blew up my friend left me and discord which is probably best and after my depression time i eventually got an irl friend or two but. i never#got over it. he did it to other people too we found out later. he always complimented me on being so sharp and talented and it was nice caus#it was really my first compliment from an adult who wasnt my family and. ig it got to my 14 yo head. anyways. the update made me cry. i had#read that it was bad and knew it would be bad for me specifically cause doc scratch always reminds me of that time in my life but. i didnt#think it would be that bad. i dont blame hs2 creators or anyone else and ig im glad i braved the storm but it was really painful to read#gonna go watch a more light hearted thing now.#if anyone sees this dw ill get over it#anyways. believe the warnings this update is very triggering and you can skip it if you want#glad i have like 5 followers rip
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I’m sorry
#483#Dialga#pokemon from memory#I’ve drawn it more since then I KNOW what it looks like#I promise#Why is there so much metal on this dino wtf#Anyway one of my favorite box legendaries#Iconic design#And THE bastard in pmd#I like how there he’s the only character to always speak in caps lock#The other legendaries do it sometimes but when you recruit them I believe it switches to normal text#Not dialga#He’s got a lot to say and must say it VERY LOUDLY#But he should be allowed to do whatever he wants after all that#Living in the dark future as some kind of animated corpse#Clinging on to what little remains of time despite it probably causing incredible pain#Normal about him
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