#and sometimes it happens twice on the same album

[outerspace-iiinnerspace]

sometimes you listen to a fantastic song and you're like wow that was so cool so you look it up to see if its based on anything and theres commentary by the musician like 'yeah that's based off a novel i never finished writing' and you're like well on the one hand i would have loved to read that but at least we got this jam out of it

[sheerioswifties]

Okay I- I saw the post from Claire that uh kinda confirms theories that BTTWS may be about a close friend having a m*scarriage and it all makes sense and Claire even quotes it and my heart HURTS for her I mean I've been there both ways too I've also been the friend up all night while someone very close to me went through it and also a very premature birth it's all gutwrenching (and side note I almost wanted to warn my friend not to listen to BTTWS bc it's heartbreaking but the more I listen to it the more I see how actually perfectly and beautifully Taylor put it which I can go on about in another post but) I just- it- it's still bothering me- that she uses the phrase "could've been, would've been, should've been..." as part of the chorus of that song, a very specific phrase, and then she literally used that phrase as the TITLE of her J**** M**** song (do we have a calcium harvest like name for that asshole yet?)... but so like- she never does ANYTHING like that unintentionally. That's too much of a coincidence for those songs not to be somehow connected and it is BOTHERING me it's legitimately kept me up at midnight pondering what is going on it just. It bothers me. I love Taylor. I love Claire. So much pain and heartache I just sgstfisostsotsotsost

[writingforstraykids]

I owe you a kiss

Pairing: Minho x Chan x fem!reader / Minchan x fem!reader

Word Count: 4344

Summary: As the upcoming comeback gets closer, Chan starts isolating himself from you and Minho, getting overwhelmed. He can't quite deal with feeling so much and nothing at all at the same time and takes it out on the two of you. Minho and you try to help your husband out.

Warnings/Tags: angst, fluff, argument, chan feels numbish, fear of flying, domestic married life, emotional hurt/comfort, angsty!chan, soft!min

A/N: I don't know where that came from, but enjoy me fabricating 4k of angst and domestic bullshit in like half an hour😭🥹

PART TWO

My mind is complicated Find it hard to rearrange it But I'll have to find a way somehow Overreacting lately Find it hard to say I'm sorry Still - Niall Horan

You gently knock at the doorframe to your bedroom to avoid startling your husband and step inside. “You have everything you need, darling?”

Minho's currently packing his suitcase for his trip lasting a week. He looks up, gently blowing his hair from his eyes. “I think so, yes,” he flashes you a warm smile. After checking everything once more, he nods and throws the suitcase closed. "Where's our Channie love?" he asks, pulling the zipper closed and fidgeting with the lock. 

"Working," Chan gives back from next door. 

"Of course you are," he says more to himself, making you giggle. Over the past few days, Chan grew very quiet, burying himself in work and avoiding you for most of the time. It happened sometimes before a busy schedule, and Minho had learned to deal with the fact that Chan needed this to recharge. Minho, Chan and you had been dating for four years before tying the knot five years ago. He knows the two of you inside out by now after almost a decade. Minho strolls into Chan's working area and rests his hands on his shoulders. "Hey, there." 

"Hey," Chan gives back, not looking up from his screen and staying seated at his desk. 

"You're hungry? I can order something," he tells him, gently running his hand through his hair. 

"Stop that," Chan grumbles and tilts his head away from him. 

"Okay, sorry," Minho nods calmly and pulls his hands back. For a moment, the sound of Chan's fingers hitting the keyboard is all that can be heard. "So?" he asks, his patience starting to wear thin. 

"I'll keep working," he shakes his head. 

"Chan," Minho says firmly. "I'm leaving after that, and it would be nice to have lunch with my wife and my husband." 

"Fucks sake, you're annoying," Chan sighs and waves him off. "I'll be there in a moment." 

"Thank you," Minho rolls his eyes and makes his way downstairs. "Someone's in a mood," he grumbles as he leans against the kitchen island beside you. 

“Don’t take it to heart, you know he gets sometimes,” you say soothingly, rubbing his shoulder. “What are we getting?”

“Whatever you want, honey,” he winks at you and lets you scroll through the options. “I don’t get him. It’s still a month until the album drops, and we have pretty much everything sorted out. Sure, I have to come up with two more dances, but that’s my issue, isn’t it?” he asks.

“You know Chan makes everything his responsibility,” you tell him and hand him back his phone. “He’ll calm down again; I’ll see what I can do.”

Minho sighs softly and orders the food, still seeming a little pissed off. Usually, Chan knows how much Minho needs a stable environment before a flight. He's scared of flying enough as it is, but especially when he's caught up in his thoughts. So it confuses you a little that he doesn’t seem to pay much attention to that today.

You call out for him twice as your food arrives until Chan finally joins you downstairs. 

Chan's staring into the distance, pushing his food around on his plate and staying quiet as Minho and you keep on talking. 

"Tastes good?" Minho asks after a while and gently nudges Chan beneath the table. 

"Yeah, I guess," he shrugs and ignores the frown Minho gives him. 

"How's work going, Channie?" you try your luck. 

"Great," he simply says, shoving some food into his mouth, clearly signaling he doesn't want to talk right now. 

"Good," Minho nods and sighs softly. "I'm a little nervous." 

"Why?" he gives back, almost a little routined.

"I hate flying, as you know," he groans frustratedly. 

"You did fine before," Chan shrugs and takes a sip from his drink. "It's just a flight." 

"Yeah, that's the point, isn't it?" Minho asks, starting to get a little irritated. 

"Don't be a baby, you'll manage," he says, and Minho stares at him, unable to come up with a proper answer. 

"Thanks, very helpful," he presses out, gripping his glass tighter as his hand starts to shake. He has no time for a mental breakdown right now. 

“Channie,” you sigh softly, deciding to step in. The last thing you want is Minho to leave like that.

Looking up, Chan sees the confusion and anxiety clouding Minho's eyes. "Sorry, Min, you're not a baby," he says, not very convincingly, but it seems to be better than nothing to Minho. 

Minho glances at his watch and clears his throat. "I'll go and grab my stuff," he announces. 

Chan rolls his eyes once he's gone and braces his head on his hand, staring out of the window. He wonders how the hell he'll be able to finish everything he has to do in so little time.

“Channie, angel?” you ask gently, and he hums in response. “At least try and be nice? He’s gone for a week after.” 

“You two are fucking exhausting,” he groans, and you raise your eyebrows, ready to answer as Minho comes back downstairs. 

You get up to collect the trash and decide to continue this talk later.

"I'll see you in a week then," Minho says gently, and Chan hums, agreeing. "You'll be okay?" 

"Sure," he nods and stares into the distance. 

Minho takes his hand and tries to meet his eyes. "Love?" he asks, and Chan very slowly turns to him. "You know you can call if you get overwhelmed or need help with anything." 

"Mhm," he hums and pulls his hand from his hold. 

"Okay," he chews on his lower lip for a moment. "Well, I'll be leaving then."

"Okay," he nods. 

"Can I at least get a kiss?" Minho asks quietly, and his heart sinks as Chan frowns. 

"No," he simply says. 

"No?" Minho echoes quietly, subconsciously taking a step back. 

"Don't feel like it," he shrugs and glances at his watch. 

"You don't feel like…wow, okay," he nods, trying to swallow down the sudden sickness spreading through him. "Did I do something wrong?" he asks timidly. Maybe this wasn't just Chan pulling back, but he had done something to upset him. 

“No, you didn’t, Min,” you say firmly, staring at him irritated.

Chan turns to look at him properly for the first time today. Minho's heart sinks at the carelessness in them. "Right now, you're keeping me from working. I have stuff to do, mate."

"Mate?" Minho presses out, taking a few steps back. "Alright, I'll see you in a week, bestie. Seriously, fuck you," he snaps and grabs his keys. 

"Minho, come on," Chan groans, rolling his eyes at him. "Stop overreacting." 

Minho fidgets with his wedding ring before slamming it on the table. "Know what that is?" 

"You're being serious right now?" Chan raises his eyebrows at him mockingly. 

"That stupid little thing means we're husbands, idiot. I've been by your side for nine years now; I think you can start using appropriate terms, Chan hyung." Minho says firmly, and for a moment, he considers leaving the ring here. But then he remembers he has a public image to maintain, and showing up without one of his wedding rings would raise questions. Also, deep down, it feels wrong already to only wear yours. 

"You're being ridiculous," Chan says and gets up, pushing past him. 

"No, I'm hurt. There's a difference, Chan," he tells him, grabbing his suitcase. "But fine, I'll leave like that. I'll see you in a week then." 

"Fucking great," Chan nods, walking upstairs and not looking back. 

Minho watches him, stunned, before finally leaving the house and slamming the door closed. 

You stand still for a moment, trying to process what has just happened. "You had one job, Chan! Be nice!" you shout upstairs. 

"Fuck you too!" he shouts back and slams his door closed. 

"You two are fucking ridiculous sometimes," you curse and search for your keys. 

Minho gets into his car and stays there for a few minutes, trying to calm down. Secretly, he hoped Chan would join him and make things right before leaving. But he doesn't. The door to his car opens, and you lean down to look at him, raising your eyebrows in amusement. “Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he groans and gets out quickly.

You giggle softly as he rushes over to you and pulls you into a tight hug. “Well, goodbye then, darling,” you tease him lovingly.

“I’m sorry, he pissed me off,” he groans, stifling his laughter in your shoulder.

“I know he did,” you laugh and soothingly pat his back. “Give him time to sulk; he’ll start missing you in two days top. He always does.”

“You’ll be okay?” Minho asks, pulling back and looking at you caringly. 

“I’ll be fine. It’s Channie,” you giggle, and Minho snorts. “Deep down, he just needs a cuddle and acts tough so we won’t notice how stressed he is.”

“You handle this way better than I do, even though I’ve known him longer,” he laughs, rolling his eyes at himself.

“I just have a little more patience for his bullshit,” you giggle and check your phone. “You should leave before you miss your flight.”

“Ugh, fine,” he groans. 

“You’ll do great, my darling,” you assure him. “Call me when you land?”

“You know I will,” he promises, lovingly kissing you goodbye. “I love you, honey.”

“I love you too, Minnie darling,” you smile.

-

Minho has been gone for four days when he gets a call. To his surprise, it's Chan's number popping up on his screen only minutes before a fashion event. Minho searches for a quiet corner and takes the call. "Hey, I don't have much time. What's up?" he asks calmly and frowns at the silence that follows. "Chan?" 

"Something's wrong," he says quietly. 

"What do you mean?" he asks confused. 

"I don't…I don't feel good," he says monotonously. "Something's off." 

Minho swallows softly. "Where are you?" 

"Home," Chan tells him.  

“Where’s Y/N?” he asks.

“Left,” he answers quietly.

“What do you mean she left?” he frowns, nervously scanning the crowd around himself.

“Told her to leave me alone. She took that to heart,” he explains. “She’s with her best friend.”

Minho exhales relieved, knowing you are safe with your friend. "Channie, what's wrong?" he asks patiently. "You can't just push us away. We love you, and saying yes five years ago means you're stuck with us," he chuckles, waving off his assistant tapping her watch.  

"I know," Chan says and chews on his lower lip, unable to put it into words. "Remember when I had that episode of feeling worthless and overwhelmed back when we were trainees?" 

"Mhm, of course I do," he nods, swallowing hard as he thinks of Chan's emotional state back then. Nothing had worried him that much in a long time. "Is that what's going on?" 

"No…I feel..kinda numb," Chan admits and curses himself. "I feel so much and nothing at all. I feel like crying, but I can't, I can't focus on anything, I feel like everything I do is pointless and…Minnie, can you come back home?" he asks, his voice whispering. "It's starting to scare me whenever I have a clear moment." Minho rubs his face tiredly, and Chan takes his silence the wrong way. "I know you have shit to do…I just thought..I need you, please?" 

"Give me an hour to sort this out," Minho says, and Chan exhales in relief. "I want you to grab a blanket, make yourself some tea, and put on your favorite series. Get comfortable on the sofa downstairs. You think you can do that for me?" 

"Okay," Chan nods. 

"I'll let you know when I'm on the plane," he says, sighing softly. "Channie love?" 

"Yeah?" he asks quietly. 

"Don't do anything stupid," he says, his grip around his phone tightening. 

"I owe you a kiss," he answers, and Minho smiles sadly. 

"Damn right you do," he nods and is about to end the call. 

"Minho, baby?" Chan asks, almost a little timid. 

"Yes, dear?" he asks patiently. 

"Have a safe flight. You can do this, and I'll be there once you're back," he says, and Minho blinks back tears, gripping his phone tightly. 

"Thank you," he whispers. So he hasn't forgotten. 

-

You frown softly as Minho’s name pops up on your screen. Shouldn’t he be at some fancy fashion event right now? “Min?” you take the call confused. 

“Hey, honey,” he says sweetly. “You have a minute?”

“Yeah, of course,” you nod agreeing, and smile at your friend thankfully, who hands you a cup of tea. 

“Chan called,” he says and sighs at the silence following. “What happened?”

“Well, what did he tell you?” you ask stubbornly.

“Stop playing games, baby girl,” he warns you. “I should’ve been on some red carpet five minutes ago. So, what happened?”

You roll your eyes and subconsciously play with the two small rings decorating your ring finger: one for Chan and one for Minho. “I made the mistake of thinking I’d get a hug and kiss goodnight from my husband,” you tell him quietly, and he can tell you’re hurt. “He told me to leave him alone, so I did.”

“Fucking hell, Chan,” he breaths out and throws his head back in frustration. “I promised him to come home early, but I need some time to figure this out.”

“Oh, please, Min, it’s only three days,” you protest. That’s not what you had intended at all. “We can manage that, and we’ll talk once you’re back.”

“Well, he can’t,” he shakes his head.

“What?” you ask, confused.

“He called me to ask if I can come back because he’s not doing alright. He said something about feeling numb and like failing,” Minho explains, following his assistant, who had given up by now, to his car.

“Shit, Min, I didn’t know. I thought he was stressed and taking it out on us,” you say apologizingly. 

“Relax, I didn’t know either,” he sighs, getting into his car. “Listen, I’ll be back home in a few hours. You think you can go back home in the meantime?” he asks gently. “I know you’re hurt and-.”

“No, it’s alright. Of course, I’ll go back home,” you say, already getting up and gathering your things. “You have a key to get in?”

“I think so, yes,” he nods.

“Alright, I’ll see you later then. I’ll go check on Channie,” you promise, and Minho exhales, relieved. You quickly explain everything to your friend before driving home a little faster than you should. Closing the door, you kick off your shoes and rush into the living room. 

Chan looks up at you, confused, eyes widening at the sight of you. “Y/N?” he asks stunned.

“I’m so sorry, Channie angel,” you apologize and sit down next to him on the sofa. “I didn’t realize you were struggling that much. I thought you were stressed or something.”

“Min told you?” he asks, chuckling as you nod. “Typical, can’t keep a secret.”

“He’s worried,” you scold him gently and take Chan’s hand. “I’m worried.”

“That’s why I didn’t want to tell you,” he admits. “I don’t like worrying you. I just gave up hiding from Min because he witnesses most of it during work anyway.”

“Fair point,” you hum softly and hesitantly rest your head on his shoulder. This time, he lets you. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“I’m sorry for pushing you away,” he says, squeezing your hand gently. “I’m not myself at the moment. Min has helped me out before when we were still trainees, I trust him with this.”

“Okay then,” you nod, smiling as he wraps his arm around you. “I’m here if you need me.”

“Thank you,” he says gently.

-

When Minho gets home a few hours later, he feels drained, pushing his suitcase into a corner and kicking off his shoes. He's still wearing the makeup and outfit for tonight's event, having wasted no time with changing. He tiredly runs his hand through his hair and stares at it for a moment, still shaking as the adrenaline and fear of the flight slowly wear off. His eyes fall upon the wedding rings on his finger. His heart steadies, remembering why he's there as he looks at Chan’s. 

A pair of hands slip into his, taking his smaller ones and gently squeezing them. Minho looks up and meets the eyes he fell in love with all those years ago. Chan moves their hands up to his face, planting a tiny kiss on each of his knuckles. "Breathe," he tells him quietly, and Minho exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding in. 

Minho can't stop himself and pulls him into a tight hug. He buries his face in his shoulder, stomach sinking as Chan stiffens for a moment in his hold. He pulls back, unable to meet his eyes. "Sorry, I should know better, you're not feeling up for this right -." 

Chan cuts him off by pulling him in and shaking his head. "Sorry, I'm a little slow at the moment." 

"That's okay," Minho assures him and gently rubs his back. 

"I can't do anything right at the moment," Chan says quietly, gripping the back of Minho's suit jacket tightly. 

Minho soothingly runs his hand through his hair. "Sometimes it's enough if the only thing you did today was breathe." 

"If you think so," Chan mumbles into the fabric as he buries his nose in his shoulder. 

"I know so," he tells him, resting his head against Chan's. 

“You told Y/N,” he speaks up after a moment. 

“Of course I did. She’s our wife, Channie love,” he giggles softly. “She should know, it’d worry her more not knowing what’s going on.”

He hums gently and tightens his hold on him. "I don't know what to do," Chan admits quietly. "I never felt so empty and isolated." 

"I know that's probably hard to believe right now, but I promise you'll always find me in these three places: In front of you to cheer you on, behind you to have your back, and beside you, so you're never alone," he starts out gently. "I'll find a way to make you feel full again…fuck, that came out wrong," Minho groans, and for the first time in almost two weeks, Chan laughs. 

"Idiot," he giggles and pulls back, meeting his eyes. He reaches out for him, hesitantly brushing back a strand of hair, fingertips tracing the features of his face. Once he reaches his lips, Minho plants a gentle kiss against his fingertips. Chan looks up, and he can't quite pinpoint the look in his husband's eyes. "I messed up that event for you, didn't I?" 

"It doesn't matter," he assures him. "You're more important." 

"You're mad?" he asks, squinting his eyes at him a little. 

"Do I look mad?" he asks gently. 

Chan frowns a little. "No…you look pretty." 

A soft smile covers his lips and travels to his eyes. "That's very sweet." 

"It's weird because I can tell what you're feeling, but…I have no clue how to grasp what I'm feeling," Chan admits, tears brimming his eyes. "I'm messed up, aren't I?" 

"You're struggling," he reminds him kindly. "We can work this out. We did that before." 

"Promise?" Chan asks, searching his eyes observantly. 

"I promise," he says, holding Chan's hand wearing the wedding rings. "I told you I'd be there, no matter what," he tells him, and Chan nods firmly, holding on to the truth of those words. "I need to get rid of the makeup and…whatever the hell that is," he says, looking down at himself. They've put him in some suit and casual clothes arrangement with way too many straps in a different fabric to his taste. 

"I'll help," Chan says, and Minho nods thankfully. 

“Channie?” you ask quietly. Minho turns in Chan’s hold and smiles softly, seeing you. You’re wearing one of his sweaters, and your hair messily falls around your face. You tiredly rub your face and squint at them before the realization hits you. “Oh, Minnie, you’re back,” you beam.

“Hey, honey,” he says softly, grabbing your hand and pulling you into their hug. He plants a tiny kiss on top of your head and giggles as you pout at Chan. 

“Got cold without you,” you tell him. 

“Sorry, baby,” he chuckles and rubs your back. "I had to check on Minho." 

"You're doing okay?" you ask him gently. 

"I'm glad to be on solid ground again," he snorts and lovingly brushes back your hair. "Let's go upstairs. Channie's helping me, and then we can all go to bed." 

"Sounds great," you nod and tiredly rub your eyes. "Channie?" you ask sweetly, making grabby hands at him. Chan snorts and rolls his eyes before lifting you up to carry you upstairs. You smirk at Minho as he follows the two of you. "Doesn't he look handsome?"

"Already told him so," Chan comments.

"You look like a prince, darling. So cute with that glitter around your eyes," you compliment him, and Minho blushes. 

"You're too kind, as always, my beautiful wife," he smiles shyly, and your heart swoons at his last words. 

"Careful," Chan says as he lowers you on the bed. He makes sure you're comfortable and tugs you in already, leaning down and planting a light, almost hesitant kiss on your forehead. "Thank you for coming home," he tells you quietly enough for only you to hear as Minho throws his bag in a corner of the room. "I feel more safe when you're here." 

"Always," you promise. Chan makes his way over to Minho, helping him with his outfit's many buttons and straps. He also removes his shirt and grabs a new one from the closet. "If I weren't so tired, I'd enjoy the show a little more enthusiastically."

Minho's ears burn up red, and he quickly slips into the shirt. "If you weren't so tired, I'd make sure you put that pretty mouth to use for something other than talking shit." 

Your jaw drops, and Minho smirks succeeding. "Fucks sake, you guys, I thought we'd be getting some sleep," Chan protests, making you both laugh. "Okay, sit down," he tells Minho and gets comfortable on the edge of the desk. He plants his feet on Minho's chair, left and right of his thighs. Chan places one hand beneath Minho's chin as he starts wiping away all the makeup, cursing softly to himself about all the glitter around his eyes. "As if you'd need any of this shit," he groans, and Minho giggles softly. 

"You know how it is," he shrugs and closes his eyes for him as Chan gently removes the last remains of his eyeshadow. His eyes flutter back open as Chan takes off the small diamond earring for him. "Thank you, love," he says softly, reaching for him. 

Chan slides off the desk and right into his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck. You smile gently, watching them, knowing their goodbye hasn't been that great. He sighs softly and brushes his nose against Minho's. "It's good you're back." 

"Yeah?" Minho asks with a shy smile. 

"Mhm," he hums, sinking deeper into his eyes. "Feels safe." 

"I love you," Minho says, rubbing his lower back soothingly. 

"I know," he nods and presses their foreheads together. "And I know I feel the same way about you…even now." 

"That's good," he says, squeezing his hips. "Don't force it, we have time." 

"Being with you feels..good," Chan tells him and subconsciously presses himself closer. It reminds you a little of what he said to you before you fell asleep on the sofa. At least he seems to be able to feel comfort as well. 

Minho very gently reaches up, cupping his face and caressing his cheeks. "How does that feel?" 

"Warm," Chan says, covering his hands with his own. 

"You like that?" he asks, trying to figure out how to start tackling the issue at hand slowly. 

"Yeah," he nods, a small smile covering his face. 

Minho thinks for a moment before he knows what to try next. After all, his husband was a sucker for compliments he couldn't take for shit. If that wouldn't make him feel something, he doesn't know what would. "You're so beautiful, you know, Channie love. Such a handsome husband with those sweet eyes and bright smile," he says, noticing a slight blush creeping up his face. "Don't get me started on those soft curls. Or the way my hands fit perfectly into yours." Chan shifts on his lap, eyes widening a little as he takes it all in. "Have I ever told you how much I love you being so cuddly?" 

"Minho," he protests gently. 

"Yes, beautiful?" he asks curiously. 

"He's right, Channie angel…but he forgot about your cute laugh and caring sweetness," you chime in. “Or the way your strong arms wrap around me, the way you let me rest on your chest when I’m tired, and how cute you get when you soothe me to sleep.”

"Stop," Chan groans softly. "Now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside," he says, hiding his face in his shoulder as Minho chuckles. "Don't laugh."

Minho smiles and plants a tender kiss on top of his hair. "See? You're still able to feel good things as well." 

"I'm not fucked, in that case?" he asks so innocently it makes you and Minho crack up. 

"It's a good start, don't you think?" he asks, giggling. 

"I guess so," he chuckles and sighs softly as Minho runs his hand through his hair. "Keep doing that?" 

"Let's get to bed, I won't let go of you tonight," he promises. 

"What about me, Minnie?" you pout softly. 

"I'm in the middle in this case," he snorts, and Chan and you seem happy with that. He smiles as the both of you cuddle up to his sides, heads resting on his chest. Minho soothingly plays with Chan's hair, smiling as you take Chan's hand and intertwine them on his stomach. 

PART TWO

MASTERLISTS | PROMPT LIST | GUIDELINES

Taglist: (Please let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the taglist!)

@kai-lee08 @mal-lunar-28 @malfoygalaxies @soullostinspaceandtime @brownieloved @rebecca-johnson-28 @euphoric-univers @hyunniebunni @galaxycatdrawz @aaasia111 @channieaddict @kthstrawberryshortcake

[yridenergyridenergy]

Burrn! Japan vol. 23 Individual Interview Translation Notes

Kyo's favourite movies are those that leave a really bad aftertaste, which he just can't watch more than once or twice. Besides Holy Mountain, some of his highlights have been Pearl, MEN and Midsommar. Ideally, he'd love to replicate this in a live show: as a fan, you would be so shocked and blinded by tears that you couldn't even see Kyo. He thinks that Dir en grey is more and more working toward this kind of mission. Kyo would also love to perform in Las Vegas' SPHERE venue, with this type of overwhelming shock.

If he had to make a movie, it would also be one that leaves a bad aftertaste and which nobody could sanely watch more than twice, but since he would have to do multiple reviews as the director, it won't happen.

Kyo finally explained the focus on Uroboros more: he feels that Dir en grey was able to build something more from this point onward. The worldview started with Withering to death. too, but the base was set more firmly with Uroboros.

For Kyo, the inclusion of Oboro is what totally changes a setlist. He feels that it's a bottomless pit, like he's cutting deeper and deeper into a wound. For Die, The World of Mercy is the song that can make a whole difference in a setlist, because of the change of tempo in the middle.

Die described that when they try to compose songs, sometimes, after 25 years, they can have the impression that the melody's already been done before. But then, let's say Kyo adds his singing on top of it, and it goes through the filters of the other members too, and in the end, Die feels like: "Wow, it's something totally different now!"

Die doesn't usually work on melodies in his free time. The ideas come to him the most when there is a concrete release decided and deadlines, even if he doesn't like deadlines.

Regarding the upcoming European tour, Die reflects that Withering to death. was the first time that they toured in Europe, and in general they have never done "concept tours" overseas. He feels that the band will be able to do things in 2024 that they weren't able to do back then.

Apparently Dir en grey is thinking of celebrating the 30th anniversary since their formation!! And they are wondering whether to release the next album before that or around the same time.

Kaoru mentioned that at first, only Acro no Oka and Zan were supposed to be recorded with Yoshiki in LA, but when they arrived, it was decided to add Yurameki. About Acro no Oka, Yoshiki commented that it was a concern because of the lack of "collision of sounds", whereas Zan was a problem of collision of sounds.

In Yurameki, apparently they recorded some strings separately and overlapped them in post-production because Yoshiki asked Kaoru to play something in a specific way that was impossible, because the string couldn't be held down simultaneously. They figured: "No one will notice."

This European tour was supposed to happen in 2022 to coincide with the band's 25th anniversary.

Shinya would have preferred to sleep until 4PM on the day of this interview. He also appreciated that the songs of Phalaris were introduced in three segments/tours, because he had trouble memorizing the structure of the songs. It would have been impossible for him to play all of the album's songs at once live.

His favourite kind of ending is when the show doesn't end with a bang, but that it instead leaves a lingering worldview, which was accomplished with Kamuy. His favourite part is when the curtain was lowered in front of the stage as soon as Kamuy started. Ideally, he would always just walk off the stage without throwing drumsticks or anything.

For the first time, the rehearsal for Tour23 Phalaris Final –the scent of a peaceful death- was not just [rhythm section] then [whole band]. At Die's suggestion, they had rhythm first, then the four musicians, and finally the whole band rehearsed together.

Shinya was ecstatic that his composition, Yurameki, was chosen for the major debut and that it was produced with Yoshiki. Ever since then, he felt like he could die happy, and all the way up until now, Shinya has continually felt like he could be content to die at any moment.

For ten years now, Shinya has wished to record simple drum melodies. Also, he thinks that he will struggle to re-learn how to play the Uroboros songs.

Toshiya reveals that the imagery projected on the curtain in the opening (during Otogi) and ending (during Kamuy) of the shows in Tour23 Phalaris Final –the scent of a peaceful death- were generated by AI.

It seems that a lot of people have commented that going to see Dir en grey is more like a spectacle than seeing a rock band's live performance.

Toshiya was initially opposed to the idea of re-recording the three singles of their major debut. He feels that old songs are out of their hands, and some things about them belong to the listeners and their past experiences of it. In other words, he is worried that re-recording could destroy something about the memories associated to the songs. In his view, it's better for the creators to re-imagine the songs, like they have done with their remakes so far. At the same time, in retrospection, Toshiya is glad that they decided to do it, because it made him realize that a lot has changed in 25 years, but a lot also hasn't changed, with the band.

[emeraldenha]

MIXTAPES.

pairing: idol bf!taesan x gn!reader | genre: idol au, established relationship, fluff, slight angst | w/c: +1k words | warnings: overworking, reader is a college student

You always wished the two of your schedules would align better than this.

Not that you weren’t well aware of the hardships of dating an idol. It wasn’t designed to be easy. Rather, it was anything but easy.

Just when your boyfriend, Taesan, got the day off, it happened to be the day in which you were bombarded with due dates from all your college courses.

So here you were, slouched across your desk, fingers glued to your keyboard, while Taesan was sitting on the edge of your bed offhandedly brainstorming lyrics onto his notes app. You felt guilty for boring him and making him wait, but he insisted that anything was fine as long as the both of you were together. Even if that only entailed being in the same room.

“When do you think you’ll be done?”

It isn’t until then that you notice he’s no longer positioned by your bed and is instead standing directly behind you, hunching to the point where his chin ghosts over the top of your head.

“I’ll be done soon enough! I just have to power through it,” you promise.

Taesan rests his hands on the back of your chair and observes you for a moment as you continue working, gradually losing focus of the words jumbled on the screen before staring off into space.

“Hey, I love you and everything but I get a little self conscious when you’re peering over my shoulder like that. It makes it a little hard to concentrate,” you hesitantly comment, lips curled up slightly to signal that you weren’t really mad or annoyed. You just needed to get things turned in so you could spend actual quality time with your boyfriend.

“Sorry,” he quickly apologizes. He shuffles his feet until he’s leaning against the open door frame. “Do you need anything? Snacks, water…?”

“I’m okay,” you reply dismissively, already back to being immersed in your studies.

Taesan leaves your bedroom to find where he left his bag in your apartment. Spotting it on the couch, he searches through the front compartment until he pulls out what he’s been meaning to give you for weeks now. Headphones, check. Cassette player, check. Mixtape #1, check. Carefully taking the mixtape out of its case and plopping it into the player, Taesan’s face heats up by the sheer embarrassment of gifting this to you. However, he knows that whatever he can do to make you happy will squander his embarrassment any day.

Getting caught up in his busy lifestyle, sometimes it takes him a bit longer to realize just how hard you have it too. You work yourself to the bone yet are so patient and understanding when it comes to him. He wants to be there for you, much more than he physically can be.

When he reenters the room, he sees your lips pursed, eyebrows stitched together by a needle of stress. It’s the kind of expression you make when you’re stuck.

Taesan isn’t sure if he should bother you again but decides that it’s a risk he’s willing to take.

Pressing play and setting the device aside, he tucks your hair behind your ears before placing the headphones right over them. His hands then linger to brush through the strands of your hair, as if your inability to hear has somehow obstructed your other senses too. You let him off the hook this time. The gesture is thankfully more calming than distracting.

“Ah, Oasis, right?” You instantly recognize the voice and melody of the song despite not being able to put your finger on it. “Which album is this again?”

Taesan loves sharing music with you, and it’s a passion of his that you’re glad he’s introduced you to, because it consumes such a big part of his life that you like being a part of as well. Though despite having his favorite songs and artists, he rarely ever shows you the same song twice. It’s always something new.

You also never miss out on supporting his own group’s releases, spending time on the phone just to let him point out the lyrics he wrote or any other insider facts from song to choreography to music video shooting. It’s like a whole other world from how he describes it.

But when he admittedly gets sick of hearing the same songs over and over again in the practice room, he’s listening to the thousands of other songs on his playlist for hours before he goes to sleep. He makes sure to send you one by the end of the night, and he plays it as soon as you’ve seen the text so it’s like you’re there listening to it with him. He also has a collection of vinyls—vinyls that’d be all worn out if he didn’t keep them in such pristine condition—stacked away in his dorm, and even a small bundle of slightly lesser used cassettes, which you’re assuming is what he brought for you today in his portable, faded blue cassette player.

“Oh, it’s not an album actually,” he answers, nervously blurting out the words before he can stumble over them. “It’s a mixtape.”

“For me?” You point to yourself, eyes wide in surprise.

He gives you a shy nod. “It’s nothing, really. Just some songs that remind me of you.”

Songs that remind him of you.

Trying not to reveal how flustered you are by the statement, you swivel your chair away from him and face down at the desk. “Thank you.”

He hums, even though he knows you can’t hear him over the blaring drums and guitars kicking in.

But despite that, you can still sense his gaze on you, so looking over your shoulder, you give him a soft smile and say, “I love you.”

As you turn back around, Taesan is finally able to take his eyes off you, letting himself lie back all the way on your bed with a peaceful sigh.

“Love you,” he whispers to the ceiling, because although you still can’t hear him, the words will always reach you anyway. Whether said or unsaid or sung in song, his love will always reach you.

main masterlist

[2996-sana]

lost in japan

loosely based on lost in japan by shawn mendes :D

being a soloist in the industry is a bit like riding a rollercoaster of emotions. while it brings creative freedom and a chance to shape your own journey, it comes with its share of loneliness. unlike being in a group, where you share every step of the journey, as a soloist, you navigate the entire process – from making albums, promotions, gigs, to tours and interviews – all by yourself. sure, you have your crew and team, your chosen family, but seeing groups together makes you a bit envious. they get to share the highs and lows, the crazy moments, and the struggles. it's a camaraderie you sometimes wanted.

but being a soloist has its perks. you get to pour your soul into your music, writing and producing most of your songs. music isn't just a job; it's a deeply personal expression. every note and lyric carries a piece of your story, every emotion, and experience that left a mark on your heart.

and then there's the subject of love.

in the vast expanse of the industry, finding love can be a challenge. all eyes are on you, not just in korea but globally, and being an idol only adds to the scrutiny. but that hasn't stopped idols from dating, and who can blame them? when love comes knocking, it's hard to resist.

for you, love arrived unexpectedly in the form of a blind date, set up by mutual connections. specifically, yeri from red velvet, who passed down the idea to nayeon from twice. and believe it or not, love turned out to be a member of the renowned girl group twice.

love felt like magic, and at this moment, love happened to be right beside you on the couch in the recording studio.

"baby, i'm gonna miss you like crazy," sana pouted.

"i know, baby, but it's only gonna be a few weeks, right?" you ask, trying to offer comfort.

"three weeks, yeah, but i hate being away from you," she replies, eyes still a bit teary.

turning to your girlfriend, you put down your guitar and scoot closer to sana. "i understand, baby. if i didn't have schedules lined up for the next few weeks, i'd come with you guys," you say, your voice carrying a tinge of sadness.

sana sighed in defeat and planted a playful kiss on your cheek. "you should write a song about me while i'm away," she teased.

you rolled your eyes. "they're all about you, i don't know what you're on about."

sana giggled, fully aware that it was true. despite this knowledge, hearing every new song you wrote about her never got old and it never failed to make her swoon. your love story held a special place in both your hearts, and having it immortalized in your music felt special. especially since the general public remained oblivious to the fact that the songs were about her or your relationship. it was like a secret world that only the two of you shared, untouched, and safe from the prying eyes of the public.

as much as sana wanted to shout about your love from the rooftops, she found solace in the fact that you both hadn't given anybody the power to take what you had away. having your close circle and family know felt like enough for now.

"i adore you so much, baby. i feel incredibly lucky," sana confessed, locking eyes with you.

"i love you, baby. we're both really lucky," you replied. "are you excited to be home and visit family?"

sana's eyes lit up. "yes! mom and dad wanted to see you, though. but yeah, it's been a while, so i'm excited."

the joy on her face brought warmth to your heart. "i'm excited for you, baby. send me lots of pictures, okay? and don't worry, i'll give you a call when you're together with your parents."

that night, you had to take sana and the rest of twice to the airport. well, technically, you were in the same car they were dropped off in, but you couldn't get off due to the swarm of reporters and fansites. now, that would be a headline.

you gave sana one last kiss and waved goodbye to tzuyu, dahyun, mina, and jihyo, who were sharing the same car.

"be safe, you guys," you said.

"we'll miss you, unnie!" tzuyu exclaimed, and the rest of the girls echoed her sentiment.

"i'll miss you the most, though," sana said sadly.

you reached for her hand and gave it a soft kiss. "i'll see you real soon, baby."

"y/n, you better pay me extra to keep sana from talking everyone's ears off about missing you this whole trip," jihyo joked, earning laughs from the group.

"bank transfer?" you suggested playfully.

"yah!" sana feigned annoyance.

"alright, alright, you guys go. the rest of the girls are already outside."

as the car door closed, you sighed. a busy week awaited you with recording sessions, and on top of that, you didn't have a girlfriend to come home to for the next few weeks. *+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

a week drifted by, and there you were, sprawled out on the cushy couch in a hotel in taiwan, peering through the grand glass windows that framed the city's glowing lights. the sun descended gracefully, painting the sky with warm hues. you wished sana was there with you. memories flooded in — of quiet evenings cocooned on the couch, watching anime after demanding days, and lively moments in the kitchen, dancing and singing together.

"it's cool. just two more weeks," you mumbled.

suddenly, a soft buzz broke the silence.

m.by__sana tagged you in a post

you tapped the notification, revealing snapshots from a dinner a week past, capturing the comically overcooked steak you had made.

당신은 여전히 최고입니다, 셰프님! ♡´ (you're still the best, chef! ♡´)

a gentle chuckle escaped you.

당신은 미친 듯이 나를 그리워하고 있을 것입니다, you playfully commented. (you must be missing me like crazy)

almost instantly, you got a reply.

당신은 모르고 있어요 (you have no idea)

you released a resigned sigh, well-acquainted with the sacrifices that came with being idols. both of you knew the drill — the inevitable stretches of separation that, despite understanding, never got easier.

you knew sana was currently holed up in her hotel with the other girls, having just gotten off a facetime call with her. it didn't make the distance any more bearable, and resisting the urge to fly over and be with her required more self-control than you cared to admit.

wait…

with a swift move, you grabbed your phone and opened up the voice memo app. "na na na na, do you got plans tonight, baby? something something, lost in your paradise. the only thing i’m thinking ‘bout is you and i, i can’t get you off my mind," you sang, a mix of determination and confusion in your voice as you attempted to untangle the tune in your head. recording the snippets, you couldn't help but hope that this spontaneous burst could turn into something.

as a musician and songwriter, you know that when inspiration hits - seize it and craft it into art. luckily for you, sana was the kind of girl who could fuel a billion songs, and the thought of writing about her never got old.

fueled by the sudden inspiration, you reached for your guitar.

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

"sana, you okay?" mina inquired, concern etching her features as she observed sana lost in thought, brows furrowed.

"she's fine. just being dramatic because y/n hasn't replied," nayeon chuckled, finding the situation amusing.

"you don't get it; she never takes this long to reply, even when we're both busy," sana whined, her frustration evident.

"unnie, isn't she in the middle of preparing for a comeback?" chaeyoung suggested. "maybe she's stuck in a meeting or recording something."

despite chaeyoung's rationality, sana's irritation persisted. she wasn't worried; she was just plain mad that you weren't responding.

the day dragged on with your replies limited to one-word responses, fueling sana's growing annoyance.

"who does she think she is?" sana slammed the door of her and momo's hotel room. "she didn't even pick up when i called her at my parents' house, and she specifically told me to!"

momo racked her brain, knowing sana's penchant for needing attention. she silently cursed you for leaving her with a moody sana.

"sana, it's okay. she'll eventually reply. i'm sure she has her reasons," momo sighed, offering a reassuring smile.

sana, across the room, sprinted to momo, shoving her phone in her friend's face. "what is this, then?"

momo squinted at your instagram story, revealing a tiktok of you and jennie doing a dance. momo silently cursed you again.

"uhh, scheduled post? maybe it's a new challenge," momo suggested, attempting to ease the tension.

sana rolled her eyes and threw her phone on the bed. "i don't care anymore."

"we can go out tonight, satang!" momo encouraged. "you'll get your mind off y/n."

sana shook her head defiantly. "i'm not going out! i'm staying in."

"nope, you can't," momo declared, standing up and joining sana. "you promised, remember?"

sana groaned. "fine, whatever, but i won't like it." *+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

sana and the group entered mina's cousin's newly opened restaurant, exclusively reserved for the night. despite the collective effort to lighten sana's mood, she remained unusually gloomy, a stark contrast to her typically bubbly self.

"sana, you look ugly when you’re frowning," jeongyeon teased, eliciting laughter from the group. sana responded by sticking her tongue out playfully. just as sana was about to retaliate, their food arrived, and the delightful aroma of the ramen momentarily diverted her attention. she was clearly hungry.

the dinner unfolded with vibrant conversations about their promotions, and even sana couldn't resist breaking into a smile and sharing a few laughs. after finishing her ramen, sana reached for a napkin on the table and discovered something tucked underneath — a small note?

do you have plans tonight?

suddenly, the lights dimmed, causing gasps from everyone. a soft strumming of a guitar filled the air.

"all it'd take is one flight,

we'd be in the same time zone."

sana could recognize that voice anywhere. her eyes shifted across the room, finding her girlfriend perched on a high stool with a guitar, singing just for her. sana could barely wrap her head around what was happening. she glanced at the girls, who were all smiling with their phones up.

as you sang, it dawned on sana what the song meant. her eyes widened as she listened.

“do you got plans tonight?

i'm a couple hundred miles from japan, and i

i was thinkin' i could fly to your hotel tonight

'cause i can't get you off my mind.”

you smiled and threw her a wink. sana couldn't help but cover her blushing face with her hands.

“do you got plans tonight, baby?

i was hopin' i could get lost in your paradise (paradise)

the only thing i'm thinkin' 'bout is you and i,

and i can't get you off my mind.”

sana should've probably known you were up to something. you wouldn't have left her hanging like that. but who would've thought you were crazy enough to leave in the middle of your schedules and fly to japan for her?

“let's get lost tonight,

let's get lost tonight,

baby, you and,

i can't seem to get you off my mind.”

the guitar strumming gradually faded, and the girls were howling and clapping. you walked toward sana with a single flower in your hand, wearing a big grin.

"hi," you said, still grinning.

sana got up, playfully shoving you before throwing her arms around you. "you are crazy!"

"crazy in love, apparently," dahyun giggled.

"are you complaining, though?" you laughed, ruffling her hair. then, you whispered in her ear, "if love doesn't make you do crazy things, then are you really doing it right?" *+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

"lost in japan is trending," sana giggled from the couch.

you joined her, tossing a blanket over both of you. "you think they're putting two and two together?" you laughed.

sana laughed, sharing a message from a fan on the bubble app.

"that new song from y/n is definitely about you and i'm taking no arguments."

[jokeroutsubs]

ENG translation: "When I'm on stage, I know that I have to be here and only here"

An interview with Bojan Cvjetićanin in Slovenian newspaper Delo, originally published 31.10.2021.

Original article is available here for Delo subscribers. Original article written by Beti Burger for Delo; photos by Blaž Samec; English translation by a member of Joker Out Subs, native proof reading by IG GBoleyn123.

If you repost quotes from the interview, please link back to this post! And if you repost the photos, do not crop out the photographer credit.

Bojan Cvjetićanin, frontman of Joker Out, says that the success happening to them is not the result of something that happened overnight.

When he's standing on stage, he doesn't know what's actually going on. Even though after the concert, he realises that he was on it, and remembers certain moments, he's actually in a zen-like state: his head is somewhere else, and his brain does what it wants to do. Young, reflective musician Bojan Cvjetićanin believes that he was born to write music and lyrics and sing them on stage. "What I enjoy the most at a concert is when we play a new song from start to finish with the band for the first time and we're 'vibing'."

And if some of the lines above did not have context yet when we talked the day before the first concert, and sort of 'hung in the air', in packed Cvetličarna it was crystal clear what he had wanted to say. They were 'vibing' not only when they played well-known hits - Omamljeno telo, Umazane misli, Vem da greš - but also to new songs from the album, when they felt the strong energy and heard the audience was singing the new songs with them... She'll find herself there, where no one knows her, where the road always carries the smell of fresh rain (...) where pearls are in seashells, not on necklaces (Barve oceana).

Bojan truly, as he said, seems a little distant on stage, as if he's in his own world, but also in contact with the audience at the same time. He is both confident and childishly playful at once, with a wide smile on his face, with the charisma of an experienced frontman. His friend and member of the band, bassist Martin Jurkovič, with whom they started their musical journey as young teenagers already, described him well in an interview as someone who "draws all the attention to himself and the band during a concert". When the band members look at each other during a gig, they recognise each other's exact thoughts, and a kind of perversion of pleasure happens. We witnessed this exact thing at the album presentation.

"On stage, I feel sexy, I feel free and accepted. I'm on autopilot and I'm never thinking about what my next move will be, it's when I'm 'free as a bird' because I am surrounded by friends who know me very well, so I don't have to be ashamed of anything. It's also a good feeling when you know that there is a crowd of people in the hall who came to our concert because they like something that we give them. This mutual accumulation of love and energy is very strong." Are there places where he doesn't feel accepted, I query his words. "I think that we all sometimes find ourselves in a situation when we feel like we don't belong there and we ask ourselves what we're even doing there. When I'm on stage, however, I know that I have to be here and only here."

Bojan Cvjetićanin Born in 1999. Frontman of currently the most in-demand young Slovenian band Joker Out which, with their shagadelic rock'n'roll, a genre they actually invented themselves, sold out Cvetličarna twice last week with their just-released album Umazane misli. Even off-stage, he's the 'joker' in a group, optimistic and talkative and an occasionally childishly playful young man. His lyrics (and music) are mature, sensitive and empathetic. The Ljubljana resident, otherwise a sociology student, has been making music for almost half of his life. Last but not least, a listener can quickly recognise that he actually grew up exactly where he feels the best: on stage.

Tired and sleep deprived, just a few days before the concert in Cvetličarna, which had been postponed (more than once) due to Covid-19 and which seemed like it would never happen, he had a nightmare. He dreamed "that there was one song that we just could not start and we tried again and again". He really had a lot of stage fright before the first concert this year. At the end of April and beginning of May, it still looked like there wouldn't be concerts in the summer, and then everything started to open up. They've never had as many concerts as this summer. "Those concerts hit us like a train, because we were neither mentally nor physically prepared for this many performances. We'd got used to rehearsing all day long and being completely self-sufficient. It was pretty hard before the first sold-out concert in Čin čin in Ljubljana, because the audience's expectations, as well as our own, were high. We performed with a new drummer for the first time, so the tension was even greater. When we stepped on stage, however, an enormous wave of energy that reflected from the audience washed over us, you could feel and see that people had been locked up at home, that they needed to relax, needed concerts."

"In these times, when the internet and media constantly bombard us with so much information, that defines us pretty strongly. So it seems like any kind of thinking for yourself, about anything, is already a dirty thought."

The epidemic was also a time when changes happened in the group, as during the creative process, they realised that not all members of the band have the same creative drive, so in the end, they switched their drummer. Since then, they have significantly changed the way they work. They have created, even if not completely intentionally, a spirit of band co-production, they've become more dependant on each other. They've realised that music demands that they help each other. It's also important that, when they start to grow wings from all the congratulations and praises, they pull each other back to solid ground. In interviews and articles, he is described as "the most recognisable voice of the new generation of Slovenian rock" or as "a rising star" and he feels honoured by those compliments, but in truth, those titles don't really tell him a lot. Hearing that from the people who listen to their music is what means the most to him. He says that it's not the sea of congratulations that caresses your ego, but rather certain moments and situations when you actually feel strong and in your own skin. "In the moment when the light shines on you on the stage, the feelings are indescribable, you feel like a god. That's the 'awesome' thing, not when someone tells you that you're a god." He adds that he thinks he's still the same Bojan he was years ago, when all those congratulations and titles didn't exist yet.

"The bassist Martin and I have been making music for almost half of our lives and I think that with time, we've managed to work through everything that happens during the evolution of a band. Our current success didn't come overnight, it is the result of a long period of work." The pivotal year for Joker Out was 2017, when it first started looking like this band could truly become 'something'. "From the start, you want it to be something more, but it's usually just a distant wish, like Cvetličarna used to be." Back then, however, after the single Omamljeno telo, all the positive response gave them the feeling that everything was being taken to a higher level. And there were several of those levels, they have jumped over many of them. "If I look at the situation objectively, it seems crazy to me that we sold out Cvetka (Cvetličarna, a.n.) twice with three singles." As he says, however, nothing that they do in the band is left up to chance. "Very early on, we put our heads together and had an in-depth discussion, first of all about our relationships with one another, and then about our duties, and we promised each other that we would never be afraid to tell each other what we wanted. When we determined our wishes, we turned them into goals, which we are now achieving." In his words, something that definitely contributes to their success is that they're surrounded by people who love what they do. "Now we work as a team, and if a team works well, it can't miss." In the future they want to release another album, and they're also drawn beyond the borders of Slovenia, to the Balkans.

As a band, they want to give people the things that drive them as artists - currently the prevailing theme in their lyrics is love, but also self-reflection and musings. These are very general, many songs talk about how young people sometimes feel constricted or lost and are looking for their place in the world. "We're currently not interested in politics and we don't plan to define ourselves politically one way or another, although our songs do feature some messages about society. We think that our job is to spread love and that people can, based also on our lyrics, come up with their own political opinion, without our imposition," he says.

And when I challenged him to use one of their songs to describe his current feeling before the concert (adrenaline, fear, uncertainty, expectations), he said that "there's a butterfly in my head that's just swimming through a weird universe. It feels like people around me are buzzing and not actually talking." Metulji ('Butterflies') is actually his favourite song. He wrote it at the same time as Omamljeno telo and it already meant a lot to him back then. He wanted to hear a recording of it, but today he says that he's happy that they recorded it later, because back then it wouldn't have been anything like it is today. "Now, the song is exactly as we imagined it back then, but didn't know how to embody it."

As the singer, Bojan Cvjetićanin is also the most recognisable and exposed member of the band. On the Slovenian scene, his role models are (were), among others, Tomi Meglič from Siddharta and Gregor Skočir, the singer of the band Big Foot Mama - "today I can already call them friends, they feel respect for us, as we do for them and for both bands. They come to our concerts, we hang out in private. Even though some people say that you shouldn't meet your idols, because then everything falls apart, now that I know Tomi and know who the person who made all that music is, I like listening to it even more." Among foreign frontmen, his favourite is Liam Gallagher, who became famous with the band Oasis. He was actually his inspiration for keeping his hands crossed behind his back while singing on stage. "I had a period of that 'Liam pose'... I didn't know what to do with my hands on stage, and when I put them behind my back once, it seemed like a good trick. Today, I grab the guitar more and more on stage, so I don't have an issue with what to do with my hands anymore. (smile)." What, then, are the key characteristics of a good frontman? "He has to be honest, genuine. There are many types of lead singers, Mick Jagger, for example, gives himself away completely, goes crazy and dances, while some others stand still constantly, but they both completely enchant you." He doesn't think about this too much, he simply exists on stage.

While some musicians, actors, or other performers are completely different, introverted, in their private lives and in the backstage, Bojan is generally very talkative and smiley. "Even as a little kid, as others have told me, I talked all the time, I wanted to socialise, with older people too, so it seems like I really never had issues with making connections. Now it's actually the same, there are just more people in front of the stage." At Poljane High School, which, as he has stressed many times, shaped him a lot as a person, he performed in a theatre group, so he already experienced the stage in the role of an actor, later he was on TV in the role of a host. These days, he still often says, half-laughing, that - if music won't be what he earns a living with - he'd like to be a sociology professor at Poljane. "But I heard they just got a new one, so I don't know how realistic the chances are."

But for now, he doesn't have to do anything other than make music. Bojan Cvjetićanin is also the author of the lyrics of most of the songs, in which, as he said, he's a kind of medium who conveys others' pain. While he did say not long ago that as a songwriter, he sometimes lacks unhappy emotions and that he doesn't know the pain of a broken heart, it's different now. "I got my dose of inspiration for quite some time..." He says that when making songs, it's almost always the music that comes first, and then the lyrics. "Most often, I take the guitar, lately I also sit at the piano, and I try to find the chords that sound interesting to me in that moment, and then I also sing along. Usually, associations form in my head and it feels like it suddenly becomes clear to me what the lyrics will be, sometimes I "accidentally" sing some lines that end up staying in the song and define what I will talk about." The lyrics are mostly, as mentioned, about love and self-reflection, but there are also a few slightly different ones among them. Aleppo, the duet with Omar Naber, who has been by his side from the beginning and helped him record demos, was created differently. The song, which talks about the city Aleppo in Syria, which is ravaged by war, was created when, in a TV report about what was happening there, he saw a young girl that inspired him. Then, he immediately started writing.

As someone who is sensitive to feeling other people's pain, does he ever fear that he could lose this empathy in the rather apathetic world we live in? "Just last year, there was a moment when I thought that I was completely alienated from myself, and I felt like I was never going to fall in love again. For a while, nothing excited me, I thought I had gone numb, but then something suddenly changed, I just waited for that natural 'click'." When songs become evergreen, hits that everyone sings and that connect generations, is it also important how much empathy the lyricists have?

"Absolutely. You have to have enough empathy to be honest with yourself. If you're honest, some people will connect very strongly with your lyrics. Nowadays, so many songs in the musical world are written just to be written. Not because they carry a real story within. And you can really feel that. It's that easy."

If you repost quotes from the interview, please link back to this post! And if you repost the photos, do not crop out the photographer credit.

[dogtoling]

Deep Sea Dead Zone - Album Release Interview

Deep Sea Dead Zone is a four-cephalopod band from Inkopolis, founded in 2017. After almost 6 years of radio silence following their debut album’s (Cut the Carp) release in 2017, the time has finally come for a new album release. Same Joke Twice released on November 2nd 2023 - and we’ve got the guys (and gals) in the studio to give their thoughts on the happenings!

(Actual interview under the cut!)

Q: It’s finally the day! Same Joke Twice has finally been released following a pretty long silent period for the band. How are you feeling right now?

Engel (vocals): I’m really excited! It’s been a LONG time coming getting new music out and I know a lot of people have been waiting like, forever. I’m super excited for people to hear the new songs and hear what people think. 

Boy (drums): It’s been six years since our last album and people have been going insane for a while now asking for new stuff. It’s nice to finally be able to have something for those people. 

Q: It’s been a while indeed - and people have been hungry for more. You guys have a lot of fans; does that come with pressure?

Engel: Well obviously. I’ve had people come up to me in the store going “new album when?” since year one. That was to the point that we made a song for the new album called “New Album When?” just to honor how much that happened.

Peppermint (bass): I don’t feel much pressure myself, I usually focus on other stuff in my daily life. But just in general yeah, especially coming outta the dark after several years is a little scary. 

Engel: It’s a LOT scary. People have mostly been bugging me, and it was awful at times because I wanted to make new stuff as much as they wanted to HEAR new stuff if not more but there was just no way. You can’t really feel like you’re not letting people down in a setup like that!

Peppermint: Even if it’s not really in your control. But we’re out of the waves and the new stuff is finally here, so I hope people will give it a try.

Q: Your first album, Cut the Carp, got really big and some of the songs even became popular Turf War hits. Do you have similar ambitions for Same Joke Twice?

Boy: Honestly the first album blowing up was super random and we were all just baffled that it happened in the first place. 

Engel: There’s not really anything special about Same Joke Twice. Not to say it’s not good or we don’t like it or anything but just like Cut the Carp, we made the songs because we wanted to make music, not because we wanted to blow up the Turf scene or whatever.

Boy: Well, in terms of ambition, there just might be a tour coming next year. But you didn’t hear that from me.

Engel: Like, it’s a bit scary knowing that people are scrutinizing the new music, sometimes people like the old stuff better and end up not liking the new songs at all, and I hate the idea that there could be people out there who have waited THIS LONG for new music just to be disappointed by the new stuff. 

Peppermint: I think most people who liked our previous songs are going to like these too, even though they’re a bit different.

Engel: Yeah, I try to focus less on the ‘oh no what if people hate it’ and more on the ‘what if people love it and it’s all they’ve ever wanted and so on’. And for every person who listens to the album and thinks it’s whatever, there’s probably someone else discovering our stuff for the first time and liking it, and that’s more than enough honestly

Q: I think we should address the cetacean in the room… well, the mastigoteuthid in the room. You have a new guitarist!

Boy: We do have a new guitarist. We picked up Lash from the street.

Lash (guitar): Yeah, hi. 

Engel: Yeah, Lash is our new guitarist and they’re awesome! They joined the band this year and have been such a good addition.

Boy: We desperately needed a weirdgirl who does nothing except stare menacingly and they’re really good at that. 

Engel: We desperately needed a GUITARIST and they’re really good at that too. 

Q: There’s been some talk about it over the years, but is it right that you didn’t have a guitarist for a while there?

Engel: Uhh, yup. I want to say that’s the main reason we couldn’t make new music or perform. Our old guitarist, Dodo, walked out not that long after the release of our first album, so we just…

Peppermint: It was a rough time for everyone since we couldn’t really do anything. We didn’t want to pick up a random guitarist to fill in for him just for the sake of having someone there so we can keep making music. The band is more personal than that. 

Boy: It looks really funny from the outside, because Lash is actually Dodo’s sister. So it looks like we kicked Dodo out and replaced him with Lash. 

Lash: Honestly I’ll take it. 

Q: So the new guitarist is the old guitarist’s sister? How did that work out?

Engel: Okay so, unsurprisingly I spend an unhealthy amount of time on InkTok. It was around Fresh Season this year that I saw her post a guitar cover of one of our old songs, Fish Outta Water, and I thought damn, she’s pretty good. So…

Boy: We all technically knew Lash before but were never anything more than acquaintances, so once we actually invited them and got to know each other better in the studio we just clicked.

Engel: I was sold as soon as she showed me her slug. If you look at the back of the CD case, we actually took our slugs to the studio and put their picture back there!

Lash: Its name is Shadow, if anyone cares. 

Peppermint: I was coaching Lash before for Turf Wars, so we knew each other a little better beforehand. It was actually around the release of our first album.

Lash: I was in a team with two of Peppy’s younger siblings, so now that I’m here, I’m getting hit with the hardest eldest sister behaviors known to squidkind. It’s like she thinks I’m 5.

Peppermint: I… yeah. 

Q: On the topic of Turf Wars, do any of you still play?

Engel: Be honest right now, do I look like I play. 

Lash: I play a lot. I’m the solo Squiffer your mom warned you about. 

Peppermint: Most of us used to be in a team together back in the day, before we started the band. We don’t play in a team anymore, but I play with my GF sometimes. I like Splat Roller.

Lash: Have you learned about the vertical flick yet?

Peppermint: I’m trying! Back in my day the rollers weren’t all shiny and fancy like they are now. We rolled and we hit people in the face and we moved on and that was it.

Boy: I was a Gal loyalist back in the day and I’m still a Gal loyalist. The .52 feels great as usual and the new Killer Wail is fun. 

Engel: I used to main the Carbon Roller back when Inkzookas were still hot stuff. I actually bought a Splat Brella recently. Because it’s cute! That’s a really fun idea for a weapon.

Boy: You know, if you came to play with us that would make four people and we could form a full team.

Engel: Way to put me on the spot, dude. I don’t think so. 

Q: Back to the album. How would you describe this album and the songs? Does it have its own identity?

Engel: How would I describe it… well, it’s the NEW Deep Sea Dead Zone. It’s familiar, but with a distinct sound that separates it from what you may be used to. So really it’s a bit eerie.

Peppermint: Dude, that’s cryptic. 

Engel: It’s like visiting your childhood town just to see that the post office is gone, things have changed and there’s a Squidonald’s now. It’s like seeing an old friend after a long time and not recognizing parts of them. A familiar unfamiliarity, if you will. Or the other way around.

Peppermint: …sure!

Boy: The music is a little different but we kept more or less the same vibe… It’s a little less edgy than Cut the Carp was. But it’s Engel making the lyrics so obviously it’s still edgy, I’m not saying it’s not. 

Engel: Yeah, I made the lyrics for most of the songs again so you know it’s not going to be all nice and cute and pink and sugar sweet. 

Boy: That really made it sound more like it should be. 

Engel: With Cut the Carp I was using the lyrics mostly as an outlet, there was a big emphasis on stuff like feeling out of place, not belonging and whatnot. I actually go to therapy now so the songs are a little lighter on that kind of stuff…

Boy: I want to emphasize that he’s saying that, but the album is still insanely edgy.

Engel: YEAH WELL some things can’t be helped. My therapist said to me something along the lines of music can be a good way to sort your thoughts, but it can also be really harmful to like, repeat your bad thoughts infinitely like that and turn them into an identity thing. 

Peppermint: I get a little uncomfortable playing some of the really rough songs, so it was actually kind of a relief seeing some of the lyrics he’d written down and seeing that all of them weren’t outright depressing. 

Engel: Yeah, I tried to steer away from, how do you say, depression fuel. There’s still a lot in there but we tried to approach some of this stuff with a more humorous or satire tone this time. It gives the ability to detach yourself from it a little bit.

Boy: He kinda makes lyrics as an outlet to reflect his own thoughts, so he can’t make them too exciting or he will lose the vibe and not be able to sing or whatever.

Engel: Something like that. I like to put my hearts into it.

Q: The new album has some interestingly named songs… one of them being You Can’t Call The Song That. Is that an example of your more humorous tone going in?

Engel: Haha, that one is great. Well, kind of. The song doesn’t really have anything to do with the name-

Peppermint: Oh boy here we go.

Boy: We wanted to name the song something else, but Peppy over here didn’t let us, so that’s where the name came from. 

Peppermint: I’m just trying to get us from being banned from most radio channels or potentially sued. 

Engel: Even Peppy doesn’t know this, but actually the album’s name… we named the album Same Joke Twice because we had other ideas for the name that we weren’t allowed to use. And, well-

Peppermint: No. Wait, REALLY?

Engel: We didn’t want to name it “You Can’t Call The Album That” because we already used that joke, so we went for a trick shot.

Peppermint: You CANNOT be serious right now. 

Boy: Honestly we had a lot of disagreements about what the name should be and it was pretty last-minute. This one clicked and it was funny, so we just kept it. 

Engel: Some people thought the joke is that we stuck around to make more music and honestly, sure. Free interpretation. 

Q: Clearly a lot of secrets went into the name of the album. So, what about the cover? 

Engel: Ok! Unlike the last album’s cover, we actually got a photo studio to get a nice, fancy thing going on. We didn’t really know at first what we wanted to do with the cover but then figured, we have a new face in the band, we should do a group picture to make that clear. 

Boy: For the first album’s cover we just went out and posed on some shitty industrial porch, this time we went for the more abstract classic void look and focused on highlighting us.

Engel: I’ve already got people who were surprised I’m not actually 2,5 meters tall. Guys, I’m sorry… you got tricked by the good old photoshop. 

Peppermint: I’m just happy to not have to be “the tall one” for once.

Q: It’s pretty common for the frontman in a band to be at the, well, front. You guys didn’t do that there.

Engel: Yeah they banished me to the back. We were kinda drawing blanks on the composition for a while until we figured it would look fresh to have me looming in the back. And! With everyone else in front I think everyone’s getting the attention they deserve. A lot of times in bands the members other than the singer are kinda invisible, I feel like we hit a good balance here.

Boy: Well, there’s other reasons but sure, that’s a good explanation. 

Engel: That’s right. It is. I was in the front last time, but everyone else is a fantastic model too. Peeps already know what I look like. 

Q: That’s right, Engel, don’t you model on Inkstagram?

Engel: Uhh, yeah, I do. I used to do it more in the past but I’ve been sloooowly getting back out there… it’s mostly pics of my slug lately. 

Lash: I do a lot of fashion photoshoots there, though I’ve mostly been on InkTok lately.

Engel: Oh yeah, I’ve been helping Lash with her stuff here and there. We both really like fashion, so I’ve been giving them some pointers… 

Lash: Any time you see me wearing some cute loser swag like ribbons and lace that makes you think ‘wow, just like Engel DSDZ’, well, rest assured it was him. 

Boy: One way to put it. 

Engel: What’s loser about ribbons and lace???? Every day I get disrespected and attacked in my own band. 

Q: Engel, you are pretty well known for incorporating ribbons and lace into your outfits. Most inkfish guys tend to shy away from that style of clothing. When did you start dressing like you do and why?

Engel: Oh, I get that a lot… Honestly, I just think they’re really cute and really cool. I don’t really care about “girl and boy clothes”. It does lead into a lot of people thinking I’m a girl, but I don’t really mind. I’m more interested in dressing in a way that makes me feel good about myself than dressing how people expect me to.

Boy: Believe it or not, he used to dress in super normal stuff like t-shirts and Turf shorts back in the day. He thought Grape Tee was the epitome of freshness.

Peppermint: Boy, you wouldn't disrespect a grape, would you?

Engel: That was when I was super new to the surface. It took me a few years of, like, just being to figure out that I was allowed to do stuff with my appearance? So once I got through that first realization I kinda went all in. And since I started wearing frills, I never stopped wearing frills so far. 

Lash: Not my question, but in general, experimenting with what you can do with fashion is really fun. 

Engel: It is! It’s a big hobby for me. I got into making bracelets and little decorations when I was at the top of wanting to get new outfits and stuff going on, my house is full of beads. People tell me it’s bordering on a problem but those people are without joy. 

Peppermint: Those people don’t want to keep finding rhinestones and beads on the floor and under the couch six months after those last came out.

Q: Speaking of jewelry, that candy necklace. Are those beads, or is it real?

Engel: Nope, these are super real. I have a bunch of these at home. Candy is kinda half my brand, so I just started implementing it in my outfits at some point. I really like sour candy, actually, some people don’t. 

Peppermint: When we were roomies, I’d be on my way home from the city and he’d send me texts going “hey can you get me bracelets” like every day. I just started going to the candy store and getting him like, full bags. He goes THROUGH them. 

Engel: I actually fiddle with it if I get nervous and the sweetness helps a lot. So if you’ve got issues with stuff like crowds or noise or like, elevators, totally get one of these to see if that helps as a distraction. 

Q: We got a bit sidetracked, so back to the album. Or, albums, plural. This album cover actually has a lot of similarities to the first one; was this an intentional design aspect?

Engel: Well, yeah, in the end. We figured we might as well since we settled on doing a group photo again. Especially the baseball bat is kind of a dead giveaway… I thought it would be a fun throwback since I still had that lying around.

Boy: This guy hoards stuff like he’s Octarian. And the fact that the stuff usually ends up being useful is nuts. 

Engel: I’ve got emotional attachment to this thing, man. 

Peppermint: The pink splatters were Engel’s idea in the first album, but it was actually Boy’s idea bringing them back for this one. We were kinda stuck thinking about what to add to make it a bit more visually interesting.

Engel: Oh yeah, that ended up coming pretty naturally and it was like, duh OBVIOUSLY we’re gonna do that. Same joke twice and all that! Ink is always a really good addition in dark settings because of the glow and I think it turned out really good there.

Boy: I actually suggested it to back up the claims online that Engel’s ink is sweet. They’re right. 

Engel: This is probably the fastest anyone’s ever made a conversation go super weird.

Q: Let’s quickly talk about some of the songs on the new album. Any favorites?

Engel: Ooh. We put a lot of work this time in making the songs seriously stand out from each other, and also from the first album’s stuff, so some of them are pretty divisive…

Boy: A lot of them have some pretty rough and scrappy guitar going on thanks to Lash. There’s some guitar solos that really stand out to me. Try to Drown Me, Suckers has to be one of my favorites because it just goes hard. There’s some real spirit in that one. 

Engel: Haha, I really like that one. But - yeah I’m aware this is entirely my own fault - it is ROUGH to sing. It might have to be skipped from some live shows because uhhh… gonna be real I don’t think I can do that and like ten other songs. 

Lash: I like it. But my favorite is probably Famous Fuckup. I love how quick you guys gave up on being radio safe.

Peppermint: I TRIED. 

Engel: It’s a pretty personal song… well, as opposed to every other song that are ALSO pretty personal songs. Yadda yadda. I just wanted to keep it, like, uncensored. 

Lash: I think it’s funny that Peppy managed to keep “Don’t Like The Song? Kill Yourself” from being used, but not censor the word “fuck”. 

Peppermint: I had to prioritize the one that could get us sued…

Engel: Anyway, I really like Might As Well Be Caught, actually. It’s very tongue-in-cheek kind of stuff. The lyrics are kinda out there and it’s unusual for us, but it’s- well, it’s real! It’s a love letter to the paparazzi and a culmination of my endless annoyance with being on the freaking news every time I step out of my apartment to do ANYTHING. 

Lash: I like any song that’s obviously antagonistic.

Peppermint: I like all the songs a pretty good amount… honestly I’m usually more focused on getting my parts right than like, the song happening. 

Engel: She’s too humble to say she’s biased and likes her own song the best. It’s okay, Peppy. The song slaps. 

Peppermint: THAT’S NOT… Well YEAH, there is one song that I had mostly free reign over. It was pretty fun… 

Engel: No More Misery. She’s the one singing it, too - she made one of the songs for the first album, but even on that album I was the one who ended up singing it. So this is kind of a big deal.

Peppermint: I don’t think we need to bring up Hooked To Hurt in this… ah, shit.

Boy: I vibe with No More Misery being put right before Famous Fuckup. Good job, guys, that positive energy lasted for four minutes and now we’re back to self-loathing.

Q: The first album had ten songs, plus one that was a later release. This one has TWELVE songs right from the get-go!

Engel: It sure does. Honestly, if the guys let me keep going there could’ve been twenty, still counting. I had SOOOO many ideas, all those years we weren’t able to do shit, I was still writing. 

Boy: We started the actual album production somewhere in late Fresh Season, and most of the songs were recorded mid Sizzle Season. So like we were hauling ass grilling in the studio heat and trying to narrow down Engel’s ideas into something that actually works as a song.

Lash: I think all of them work as songs if you’re not a coward. 

Engel: Some of my raw lyrics are basically journal entries or venting on paper so once we started refining them, it would sometimes take, like, a LONG time to get something coherent. For example I’m pretty sure we gave up on False Eyes like five times until-

Peppermint: Oh of course, False Eyes. This guy started spam texting the group chat at 3:30AM on a weekday going “I KNOW HOW TO DO THE CHORUS!!!!!1”

Engel: If my therapist is reading this……. I know we talked about the ‘bedtime issue’. I would like to formally apologize, I promise I’m trying, but. You see…. 

Boy: He is enthralled by the magic of creation. 

Engel: Pretty much. Uh, long story short, summarize, we just collectively had a lot of ideas,

Peppermint: Mostly you, dude.

Engel: I just had a lot of ideas. I don’t want to promise too much here but, well, the next album is probably NOT going to take six years from now. 

Lash: I can leave if you guys need a break. 

Peppermint: Please don’t.

Q: Before we get into reader questions… I’d like to hear your final thoughts on the album release. And additionally, any gossip about live shows?

Engel: Ahhh… I’d like for everyone to give the album even a quick listen-through. I think old fans are gonna like what we have here, and for new fans or people who haven’t listened yet… if you like Inkin Park, you’ll like us at least a little. It’s super duper exciting to finally be able to put out new music and I’ve been all spiky for a week just thinking about finally getting to show it to people!

Boy: Listen on SeaTube. Use adblock. We don’t really care.  We care about people getting to hear the songs first and foremost, we don’t get paid shit anyway.

Lash: I would like some money. 

Engel: This has been such a long-overdue passion project I might just go home and cry to be real with you guys. As for the live shows, uh, it’s still kinda on the table…? Some of us have like, jobs, so we don’t have all the time and energy in the world to do stuff like that.

Peppermint: Chill Season’s also coming up, and we mostly just do outdoor shows, so it doesn’t super add up. For the time being I think we can promise there will be some gig action next year, though… 

Boy: We’re going to sit for a while and see if people vibe with the music, see who reaches out. I’m hitting the festivals next summer as I always do, I’m just saying, it would be nice to do so as a performer.

Engel: Aside from just music-related stuff, expect to see more stuff like this in the near future from us! And follow my InkTok if you like slugs. Mine’s named Meat, it’s a fairy butterfly slug!

Peppermint: For those wondering, its name is Meat because he couldn’t stop being bothered by the cerata being flesh while naming it. 

Engel: What she said!

Q: That concludes our part of the interview. However, we have some audience questions left, if you’re inclined to answer?

Engel: Well obviously they’re the scariest part, but I can’t help but be nosy.

Boy: I’m just going assume they’ll be uncensored and go in with that expectation. 

Q: Audience question incoming, number one… Engel, is your Skitter account and your activities on there representative of what goes behind your lyrics?

Engel: Ummm… well. Yeah. Yes and no. 

Boy: Can I answer? Yes it is. 

Engel: The stuff I do on Skitter kinda ranges between sharing stuff I think is funny, or trying to be funny, or having a mental breakdown live on the net. So, idk. In terms of the latter, first of all I’m SORRY, I’m working on it. But also that’s… yeah.

Lash: Some of the posts you guys see on there are just the front for the most unhinged shit he’s ever written that would score him in the psych ward if the right person saw it.

Peppermint: Maybe not something you want to say in an interview…

Engel: Basically yeah. I mean, I’m a funny guy on Skitter but trust me when you see the kind of pathetic “i forgot to eat dinner for 4 days” funny relatable posts on here, it’s - like it happens. To the best of us. Mostly me though.

Peppermint: No actually, he’s very honest there. I’ve told him many times to maybe dial it back online, not everyone needs to know that- 

Engel: I would like to add that people following me there should be careful and avoid being influenced by the stuff I sometimes post… Most of it is meant to be satire!! Please don’t actually jump off of Hammerhead Bridge. 

Boy: It’s been like two years since he posted that and he’s still having to clarify that it was a joke. 

Q: Moving onto the next question; Why couldn’t you get the old guitarist back? His playing was so much better.

Boy: Huh, that’s brutal.

Lash: Whoever sent that, meet me at the Reef tonight at 10pm sharp. Pick your best weapon.

Engel: Okay, well, that’s kind of mean… I don’t think it was better personally, they just have different types of playing. It comes down to personal preference I guess, I would say hey, maybe stop expecting the same kind of art from two different squids! You can appreciate something different in both playstyles and maybe you’ll find out the new one isn’t bad, just different, no?

Peppermint: We would not take Dodo back into the band even if he came in crawling on all fours and begged to be let back in. If he’s smart, he’ll stay in whatever hole he's dug himself.

Engel: Okay and uhhhh yeah we can’t get the old guitarist back. Not going to get into it, but - yeah he’s gone.

Boy: Hey Lash, are you actually going to go?

Q: Next question! It’s a bit unclear whether this is more broad, or if it’s focused… What the Fuck do these lyrics mean.

Engel: I feel like this has been answered a few times in the interview already, but I’m a huge fan of the raw emotion here, so.

Boy: Engel makes most of the lyrics for basically every song ever, the rest of us pitch in to turn it into an actual song. But he’s the mastermind for sure. Any complaints should be addressed to him.

Engel: I started writing lyrics back when I first got on the surface and got really into writing poems and just generally writing, well, stuff. It started as a kind of way to just get my thoughts out there and out of my head where they were mostly Bad. It’s always helped me to write that into songs, so especially in older songs, the lyrics are mostly just me processing my feelings, fears, things going on in my life. For the most part they’re very personal to me. 

Boy: We talked about it a little before but a lot of the lyrics in this album specifically are a bit different, in terms of how much “post-production” went into them, and then there’s some like Might As Well Be Caught that are just kind of unusual. 

Engel: When you hear the “this is the corner where I go to cry”, imagine I’m actually showing you my house. That being said though the new songs aren’t all random scribble, the guys just took my usual whining and we worked on making it less whiny and more like, subtext? If that makes sense.

Peppermint: There’s also songs on this album that were collabs, like Existence is a Cruel Mistress. Or in the case of No More Misery, that one was mostly written by me. So… I mean I guess for a broad answer, we just put our hearts into it and see what happens. 

Engel: Peppy’s always the one writing the sappy songs, we love her and her will to live. 

Peppermint: It’s not sappy! I was just being honest!

Boy: Never change, cap’n.

Q: A question about the new album. Same Joke Twice! What inspired you to make it?

Engel: The album or the album’s name? We already talked about the name before. 

Boy: The album itself was just long overdue. We couldn’t work as a band for like five years, so as soon as we got a band back together we kinda went off and just got it done.

Engel: I’ve got enough ink for like two more back-to-back albums to be honest but I gotta give the others a little while to breathe.

Boy: But yeah, as for the album’s name, no the joke isn’t that we made another album. It’s just an inside joke, because Peppy hates fun.

Peppermint: I literally hate you guys. 

Lash: I still think it’s a skill issue. 

Q: There’s a question about the making of the pink “blood” on the cover of the album. Does it symbolize something?

Engel: I mean, blood I guess. It’s also just a throwback to the first album’s cover where it also symbolized something like blood, violence, chaos et cetera.

Lash: He is so edgy. 

Engel: Using actual fake blood was an idea we had, but blood color is kinda subjective based on your species, so it might not always register. We just went for a color that stands out and isn’t a common blood color so it… I guess, equally registers as blood for no one, and everyone at the same time. I don’t know if I’m making any sense right now!

Boy: He’s saying it’s there for the edge factor, nothing more and nothing less really.

Q: Presumably about the album cover. Engel, were you always that big?

Engel: Hahaha noooooo. Have you heard of deep-sea gigantism?

Peppermint: It’s photoshop. 

Boy: Did they specify it was about the album cover?

Engel: They should be asking if Peppy was always that small. The answer is no, they made Boy and Lash stand on chairs to make her look shorter.

Peppermint: Why’d you drag me into it????!

Lash: They got Engel’s photo separately and upscaled him into the backdrop. There’s no magic growth spurt or deep-sea gigantism going on here. 

Engel: Yeah uh no. Also this is a common misconception, a lot of deep-sea folk are actually not giant. There’s similarly sized shallow-water species too, but the Deepsea tends to get a lot of talk about… okay well, besides the point. 

Q: That concludes our extra questions and our interview. Thanks to Deep Sea Dead Zone for showing up - the new album, Same Joke Twice, is out now. Any parting words with our readers?

Engel: Thanks for having us and thanks for listening! New album now. Never ask me for anything ever again.

Boy: He’s kidding. But I’d just like to say a humble thank you for the people listening to our stuff - and an extra thank you to people already requesting our songs on the radio. We love what we do, so it’s a bonus if you guys love it too.

Engel: Yeah just in case I wasn’t clear, that was a joke. The new album wasn’t a joke tho. Thanks for sticking around through the years, I love all you guys to death. 

Peppermint: Lash made this album possible, I just wanna put that out there. I better see hype for her and hype ONLY in the future and in the comments!

Lash: Don’t be shy with the hate comments, either. Most of my previous haters can’t make it to the 1v1s anymore so I could use some more.

Engel: You can listen to the album RIGHT NOW on SeaTube and a bunch of other places, I’m super excited to hear what people think about it, pleasepleaseplease leave your thoughts in the comments. Stay sweet everyone!!

[staplersalad]

I did it all backwards.

I listened to "Now and Then" a couple of days after it was released because I saw the channel "The Beatles" posted it- hey isn't this that old famous band? I vaguely remember back when those "guess the logo" games were all the rage, an illustration of the abbey road album cover was shown for The Beatles on a "guess the artist" version.

I was so blown away by the song, it was beautiful. I listened to it for days. I read about john's death because a lot of the comments talked about him. I'd definitely read about his death in the past because reading the wikipedia article gave me deja vu, but it must have been just another drop in the ocean of content I consumed.

2 months passed, I listened to the song sometimes, discovering new scenes in the music video because I never actually sat down to watch it, I'd just play it in the background. I remember reading a comment about how John said that Ringo wasn't even the best drummer in the Beatles- what a dick! anyway who's Ringo? [john never said that btw, one of many false Beatles stories]

In February, somewhere between the 22nd and 26th- I had the brilliant idea of going to their yt channel and looking at their other songs. I came across the music video for "Only Sleeping", god what a great song! And after finding out about Em's painstaking work- what an incredible piece of art! I'd listen to the song for days, this time with my eyes glued to the music video in mesmerization.

Then it's all a blur. I first listened to all their popular songs on the channel, then the less popular ones [relatively obviously], then each album, each song, each interview, suddenly my pinterest was flooded with their pictures, I fell in love with each of them: John, Paul, George and Ringo. I was fascinated with John and Paul's dynamic. I was fascinated with the group. I suddenly sympathized with all the One Direction and BTS fans. I'd never felt this way for an artist before.

The funny thing is, the Beatles being so big meant that their music probably reached your ears before you even knew them. I remember recognizing "Blackbird" from "Boss Baby" and "Beautiful Boy" [john solo] from "Mr. Peabody and Sherman". I remember singing "and I will sing a lullaby" in the same tune as "Golden Slumbers" when I was younger.

I remember hearing "Yesterday" for the first time, my lips parted in recognition, some part of my brain recognized this as a famous song. It was like if someone played you an extremely famous classical piece, you wouldn't know know it but you'd recognize that it was famous. I was absolutely floored by Paul's work.

Then I'd re-read about john's death, this time it felt so different. I'd almost forgotten about it all really. I'd watch the get back documentary, I'd read more about events from 1970 to 1980, I'd get into their solo work, I'd fall in love with even more music, I'd read about their families. I'd learn to adore them but not put them on a pedestal because they were imperfect human beings [perfect musicians however].

Now john and george's death hit twice as hard. John's death angered me tremendously. I'd look at paul and ringo's recent interviews and pictures, finding it crazy how all this media I'd consumed at lightning speed all happened decades before I was even born. I'd learnt of 4 people, grew infatuated with them, learnt of their flaws, the fights, the breakup, the love, the friendship, the music and mourned their death- all in weeks. And I still have so much to listen, watch and read-it's brilliant really.

I remember listening to "Now and Then" much later, I'd avoided the song like the plague. I remember my eyes welling up, taking in john's voice, the lyrics, the four of them on my screen jumping ages. Just a couple of weeks changed the entire meaning and love I had for a song I just happened to stumble upon.

[maxverstappensflatbrim]

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [40]

chapter forty, act five: the ballad of me and my brain

masterlist

July 24th 2017

When the plane landed and a familiar head of bright platinum hair started excitedly running towards her, Tommie forgot all her worries from the past few months.

She’d given an excuse to the guys about struggling to travel so much and deciding she would help Phoebe with her album which is due to release later in the year.

They’d given an official announcement for the fans, saying something about a personal matter she had to step away for. Tommie hasn’t been on social media, she’s too afraid to see the responses.

“So, you broke up with him?” Phoebe questions her, glancing over from where she’s sat behind the wheel of her car, driving them to her flat where Tommie will be staying for a while.

Tommie smiles sweetly, placing her hand on top of hers, “Thank you for picking me up.”

“Tommie…” Phoebe says slowly tilting her head, “You didn't break up with him?”

She pushes her hands through her freshly cut hair, it's back to being just above her shoulders, the dyed colour no longer visible.

“No, I just… we’ve seen each other like twice since.”

“Have you slept with him?”

She’s trying not to think about the drunken night just over a month ago that she and Claeb shared while she was back in LA. She wasn’t in the right mind frame, and she’d hardly call it sleeping together, more like a push-pull door they went through but didn't really come back out of.

“You did?”

“I was drunk. And I haven’t seen him since, he’s avoiding me.”

Phoebe nods, “He knows what Matty said is right, if his band makes it in the music industry it’ll be because of you. Their music is shit, I’ve seen them perform, they can’t hold a tune. He knows you’re too… you, to break up with him over text.”

“It’s rude, I’d hate it.”

Phoebe sighs, “So he’s gonna keep avoiding being in the same place as you as long as he can until their names out there, which, at this point, may be until one of them tragically dies and teenagers start a trend about it on twitter.”

Tommie groans, falling back in the seat with a sigh, “I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll help you.”

“Phoebe?”

She hums looking over, “I need help with something else too.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ

July 30th 2017

Caleb audibly gasps as he opens his bedroom door to find Tommie sitting there, anxiously chewing on her nails.

“Tom?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Uh, can it wait, I was on my way out.”

“No!” She’s standing, face to face with him, “We can’t keep going on like this.”

“Like what?”

“With you avoiding me until it all blows over, this is what we always do, Caleb. Something goes wrong, we fight, you say shit, I ignore it, I say shit, you ignore it, then we get distracted with work and pretend nothing has happened. We can’t keep- it’s not healthy.”

He shakes his head, “What do you mean, Tom? You’ve been on tour, I’ve been in the studio writing music. I can, push aside tonight’s writing session, they’re working on bass anyway-”

“Caleb.”

She shakes her head gently and he raises a brow, “Well, what do you want me to say, huh?”

She doesn’t say anything, just licks her lips and looks down.

“Do you want me to tell you how I’m terrified to give myself to you because any second you could turn around and dump me for a guy that loves drugs more than he loves you?”

“Cal-”

She’s standing now but he cuts her off, “It hurts me, it physically kills me watching you pine after him when he doesn’t give a fuck about you. I can give you everything you want from him, but you won’t let me. Do you know how much it hurts me?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“That you’re in love with me when I can’t be in love with you.”

Caleb scoffs, and she tilts her head as she tries to further explain her statement, “But I- I don’t think it’s your fault.”

“You don’t think?” He asks.

“I’ve always struggled with my feelings, Caleb, I don’t know if I feel the way other people do. I think, sometimes- Okay, I-” She groans at herself, there’s so much she wants to say, and when she thinks in her head it’s all so clear, she just can’t get it out.

“Spit it out, Tommie.”

“I don’t think I ever did love you.”

Caleb turns away, “Are you still in love with him?”

“This isn’t about Matty, this is about us, this relationship. I liked you, Caleb, for a long time I did, but then… I started to get bored, and I know you did too. So don’t turn this whole thing around on me.”

“I have a ring.”

“Caleb-”

“I do, Matty saw it, you can ask him.”

She shakes her head and looks away from him, to the wall, where a frame used to live, with a picture of them together.

“I put my life on hold to support you, I stopped going to writing sessions to join you on tour. I stopped talking to my family-”

“I never asked you to do any of that.”

“But I did, when you need me I’m there. And now you need Matty, you need him and he’s not here, I am-”

“Because I came to you, Caleb. You only reach out to me when there’s something in it for you. An idea for a song, help with a drum beat, a cool guitar riff, for the past two years the only conversation we’ve had outside of music are arguments about my relationship with Matty.”

“Can you blame me? Look what he did to us-”

“We’re not going down that path again, let's stick to our failing relationship-”

She’s not sure who raises their voice first, but they’re both going at it, throwing insults and past mistakes at each other. Using what they’ve learned in their few years together, insecurities, weaknesses, anything they can grasp.

It’s when Caleb says something about Emma that she pauses, “What?”

“I said Emma was right.”

“Right about what?” Caleb debates on shooting himself in the foot, or twisting the knife of pain in her back.

“She came to me a few months back, she was drunk, tried to convince me to go back to Georgia with her, to get a job down there and leave you. I didn’t, because I’m a good man. She told you that you wouldn’t do the same, that if Matty came to you begging you, you wouldn’t stay loyal to me.”

“He did.” Caleb pauses, “He came to my house, he begged me to leave you. I said no.”

“You expect me to believe you?”

“No, but the reason he did it was because I told him that I was going to break up with you. That day I asked you to move in with me, I was going to break up with you. For Matty.”

Caleb remains silent, she continues on, “But he was dating someone, and- I guess it opened my eyes to me and him never being anything.”

She stares at him, he can’t take it. Her confessions, her honesty, “I slept with Emma.”

She breathes in, as if winded and he stares at the floor, “And I think part of the reason I did it was because I thought you and Matty had slept together.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“What?”

“I’m pregnant. I’m not keeping it.”

His brows furrow, “Woah, you can’t just, just tell me that and then say you’re not keeping it.”

“I just did.”

“You can’t say that and then tell me you’re killing it.”

“It isn’t anything yet, I’m not killing anything.”

“Surely I have a say in this? As the father?”

She shakes her head, and swallows thickly the lump rising her throat, “I’ve booked the appointment, I’m going tomorrow. I felt it was right-”

“Right? Fuckign right?” He asks standing above her now, “You have my child in you and you think I don’t have a right? What if I want to keep it, raise them-?”

“And bring them up to hate their mother who let their unemployed deadbeat fucking nobody father raise them alone?”

Claeb’s jaw clicks, it pops under the pressure as he grounds his teeth together, “What if I say no? Ring up-”

“Ring up who?”

“I’ll tell the press.” He threatens after a long beat of silence, “Tell them everything-”

She grabs his collar bringing him down to her, “Tell them, fucking tell them I fucking dare you. And I will make sure your band never sees the fucking light of day.”

Caleb gulps as she looks him dead in the eyes, “I’m getting the fucking abortion. Because I’m twenty-three years old, I have my whole career- whole life ahead of me. I refuse to be tied down to your old arse with a fuckign ugly kid who has a stupid American accent and can’t spell colour right. Fucking try me, Caleb Kidwall. I will end your career faster than you last in bed.”

She lets him go and grabs her jacket from the end of his bed, pausing at the door, “And I want your shit out of my apartment.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ

July 31st 2017

The two women sit on Phoebe’s couch, the redhead lying with her head on her shoulder, Phoebe’s arms wrapped around her as she softly pats her hair.

There’s a film playing on her tele, Fantastic Mr. Fox as per Tommie’s request.

She’s miming the words of Foxy’s monologue half way through the film about how all the animals need to band together.

‘My suicide missions been cancelled,’  She whispers under her breath just a few milliseconds before Foxy’s saying it back to them, ‘We’re replacing it with a go-for-broke rescue mission.’

“That badger’s cute.” She suddenly says pointing at the baby badger dressed in a skeleton costume and Phoebe hums in agreement.

Tommie sniffles, wrapping her blanket further around herself tiredly, “Did I make the right decision?”

“What do you think?”

“I didn’t want a child.” She says, “I don’t ever think- no, I know, I don’t want kids. That’s not me.”

“Then, you made the right decision.”

‘A crack accountant, a gifted musician, a pretty good minnow fisherman , and possibly the best landscape painter working on the scene today…

taglist

@thereisaplaceintheheart, @indierockgirrl, @sofaritsalrightt, @julezs-bl0g, @eaglestar31, @sophinthealpss, @noacfemcel, @if-my-heart-bleeds, @befrwime, @fallingforel, @sexorchocolateorpillowsorclouds, @3terna15unshin3, @1975sophie1975, @thesocraticjunkiewannabe, @littlesoldierelleora, @procrastinatinglikeapro, @beatr2x

-let me know if you want to be added :)

[vintage-tech]

If you're of a certain age, you remember the ads for the compilation albums by Ronco and K-Tel -- "20 original hits by the original stars" was always the tagline -- but there were other companies out there putting out mixtapes on vinyl, like Sessions, and then there is this two-record collections by a company called I & M Teleproducts which has 23 releases listed in Discogs.com -- several of which are Lawrence Welk, but many of which are contemporary collections.

Dreamin' is from 1979 and I approve of the tracklist. While Ronco was putting Wild Cherry's "Play That Funky Music" and Barry Manilow on the same record, or K-Tel was mining the latter half of the Top 100 with Forgotten Charting Singles By Major Artists, I & M was attempting to stay a bit more on-topic and contained mostly music that neither of the bigger names had tapped but you knew. And being a two-record set, you felt like you got twice as much tunage when actually you didn't (21 songs) but there was a better chance of higher quality sound due to the uncompressed groove on the vinyl. It's up to personal opinion whether the line "21 original hits by 18 original artists" sounds impressive, especially since the songs by those repeated artists have been pretty much forgotten.

Here's the track list and you do know many of them:

A1 Samantha Sang– Emotion A2 Dan Hill– Sometimes When We Touch A3 Gladys Knight & The Pips– Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me A4 David Soul– Don't Give Up On Us A5 Paul Anka– The Times Of Your Life B1 Kenny Nolan– I Like Dreamin' B2 Gladys Knight & The Pips– The Way We Were B3 Atlanta Rhythm Section– So Into You B4 Mary MacGregor– Torn Between Two Lovers B5 Jessi Colter– I'm Not Lisa C1 Peter McCann– Do You Wanna Make Love C2 Eric Carmen– All By Myself C3 Jennifer Warnes– Right Time Of The Night C4 LeBlanc & Carr– Falling C5 England Dan & John Ford Coley– Nights Are Forever Without You C6 Daryl Hall & John Oates– She's Gone D1 Roberta Flack– The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face D2 Paul Anka– There's Nothing Stronger Than Our Love D3 Dorothy Moore– Misty Blue D4 The Spinners– They Just Can't Stop It (The Games People Play) D5 Gladys Knight & The Pips– So Sad The Song

Trivia: The Bee Gees wrote "Emotion" though didn't record it themselves for many years. David Soul was Hutch on the TV show Starsky & Hutch. Many of us can't help but think of Kodak film ads in regard to "The Times Of Your Life". Peter McCann technically makes two appearances on this list because he also wrote "Right Time Of The Night". "The Way We Were" is a Barbra Streisand cover from a 1973 movie by the same name, and the spoken introduction to the Gladys Knight song is "Try To Remember" from the long-running 1960 Broadway musical The Fantasticks.

[sophaeros]

I think I'm hf in the exact same thing as you rn I just found your blog I am also obsessed with band rpf and Casablanca's/hammond jr do u have a kind of manifesto or anything I can read

dude did one of my irls send this or smth..i was literally Just talking about putting together a masterdoc and they were egging me on BSJFJWBS. i mean i'm kinda working on one but no promises bc im terrible w long term projects and also theyre very difficult to figure out

BUT i Will say (and i've seen other random people online agree w me) i think the general timeline is that during the seven years they lived together from 1998 to 2005 jules was down bad for albert but albert didn't realise his own feelings, so the most that might've happened is some fooling around physically. (this is mainly going off of this page from the meet me in the bathroom book where jules says "albert, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, baby!" insane quote. i could talk a little more about their full quotes but that's another post)

sometime between 2005 and 2013 (possibly 2011 tbh, comedown machine is The gay situationship album but angles touches on it a lot too) they dated twice and broke up both times. im not sure who broke up w who but tentatively i would say the first breakup was more acrimonious while the second breakup might've been mutual.

it's difficult to say anything for sure because most of their songs have songwriting credits shared with other people, so looking at lyrics for clues has a pretty big margin of error since a line might've been written by someone else and not them, yknow? i mean rpf is never a "for sure" kind of deal i could be entirely wrong and that would be fine but. you get what i mean

also one way trigger is the lynchpin for me. i physically cannot imagine a platonic explanation for this poster that uses a screenshot from thelma and louise of all films. not to mention the lyrics like even my Mom raised an eyebrow at "get dressed in your bed while she's asleep." and also it's one of two strokes songs albert has ever played solo with the other being elephant song (at least according to setlistfm, im still trying to find a video of it) (edit 12/08/2034: setlistfm lied to me he did not play elephant song 💔💔💔💔) which was written, surprise surprise, by albert and julian in 1999.

i mean i guess the poster could be them fucking around and having a little laugh but come on what an insane ass joke to make man. i'm gonna make a post later about one way trigger being their specialest little song because it really is

soo like..theres still more i could talk about like one way trigger being written by the albert julian nick trio (which makes me laugh imagining nick mediating their lovers quarrel) [EDIT: ACTUALLY WAIT NO ok it's hard to find definitive information on who wrote what bc different databases have information of varying precision but the canadian site socan which is the most precise so far says only albert and jules wrote the lyrics for one way trigger i'd misremembered. albert julian nick trio Did do call it fate tho which is still kinda crazy !! also jules and albert being the only ones to do one way trigger makes me crazier jesus christ why is this depressing ass song Their Song !!!!] which is the same trio as games from angles. theres a lot i've been thinking about them nonstop for like, what, a month? give or take? my poor friends have to deal w me sending dozens of messages at a time much love and light to them if they read this muah

and thank you for the excuse to be insane on main anon 🥰

[anxiouslyfred]

Catch the Scene

Summary: Roman asked for photos he thought magical as a kid and soon found photography as a hobby. A hobby that can become a job if acting has a spell of failed auditions.

Author's note: I wish I had more energy to write more of this. The manager, I think, could be Logan, but it felt clunky to add in an introduction line, then weird to just have the name thrown into it.

My idea prompt for today: Photographer Roman, starts as wanting to capture fairytale settings to try describing later. The starts photographing pretty boys he sees and sometimes gets dates when he admits to it. Trying to go professional comes during an acting dry spell.

/\/\

Roman loved fairytales and that was as true when he was a child as it was now. When he was younger and his parents controlled the camera he’d beg and beg for pictures to be taken of places or scenes he insisted were out of fairytales. Remus did the same but for bins, dumps and roadkill so the times they’d agreed to the pictures Roman wanted were often followed with far less pleasant pictures in the family albums.

Then they were given disposable cameras and Roman could seek out the different areas he believed magic happened in freely. He’d run off on family trips to explore the wilderness and try to find the best pictures. Remus usually ran in the opposite direction and came back thrilled over animal droppings and bugs, some he’d taken a picture of then squashed in a notebook to ensure he could show them off as soon as possible.

Their parents were definitely amused at how trying to treat their sons equally somehow played into both kids interests as they grew up. Roman kept his photography up, sometimes claiming he had to go to a specific location or place he’d previously photographed in order to take more photos and properly imagine the scene now happening there in his mind. He got into theatre, and volunteered to help design the backdrops the school could afford, using his photos as inspiration often.

Remus meanwhile kept looking for bugs and animal waste. He took an interest in zoology and somehow made that a career and nobody was quite sure how that happened. Their parents claimed it was because of a camera and notebook of squashed bugs but most people never believed that.

/\

Both boys befriended people, often completely different people since their interests were so removed nowadays, but once or twice the same person befriended each of them. Virgil was one of those people, even if he refused to let Roman take him exploring.

“What’s with the cameras, Princey? I thought your space was on stage or in front of them, not the tech side of things.” He asked, looking around Roman’s dorm. Virgil was on the tech team of the current production and had come over after a practise to relax for a while. “If Remus’s dorm wasn’t 3 buildings away I’d ask if he was storing his stuff here.”

“Excuse you.” Roman span from where he’d been checking his hair hadn’t been messed up, “The lenses are utterly different, mine are specialised for wide shots and broad focus. Remus for some ungodly reason thinks a narrow focus is best and couldn’t even get a decent full body photo of a person if he wanted to with them.”

“Not sure you know how camera lenses work, but chill. I was just asking.” Virgil stepped back, looking at the cameras again. “So you take pictures of people a lot?”

Roman shook his head, “They’re for landscapes where magic and romance is waiting to happen, and occasionally pretty men that need their beauty to be recorded. Please remain in that spot for a moment, the lighting is perfect. I hope you don’t mind me taking your picture since you’ve mentioned my photography equipment so much.”

“Fine, but don’t show anyone. I cannot have the pressure of matching a photo for the rest of our friendship.” Virgil grumbled, but remained mostly still as Roman found the right view.

/\

There had been no successful auditions for a while and Roman needed something to earn money from; That was the main inspiration behind his application as a photographer being sent to various publications and agencies.

“I’ll admit when I saw the initials R. Pompadour I believed it was Remus applying for the position. It’s widely known that his papers are all backed with evidence he photographed himself as well as that he’s changed focuses based on whims before now.” The manager said, leading him through to the interview room.

Roman chuckled a little, “Yes, we were both given disposable cameras as young boys and got better cameras often as we grew up. If you look through my portfolio you’ll see the types of pictures I specialised in is quite different to Remus’s however.”

“Clearly. You are comfortable including people in your photos?” They asked, picking out a few which did. As a wildlife magazine, Roman could guess they’d heard of Remus’s refusal to, in his words, ‘photograph such a dull subject matter when the interesting bits are always so covered.’

“Yes, although areas of natural beauty are my most frequent subject.” He agreed.

The manager smiled, “I believe you would be good for the role then. We do have other applicants to interview but you should be hearing within a few weeks if you are successful.”

[cursed-man-prayers]

Ever since Kit Connor was forced to out himself due to accusations of queer-baiting, hetlors love to bring it up as a take-down against gaylors. They'll come into TikTok comments and Tumblr asks and be like, "what about that kid from Heartbreakers?" (they do not seem to care enough about Kit to learn his name or the show he is known for). They've hear, from a distance, that an 18-year-old was outed because of Twitter discourse and assume that this is the same thing that gaylors are doing to Taylor Swift.

But it's not. It's not the same thing. At all.

If the people bringing up Kit Connor took the time to understand the context of what happened and why, it would be glaringly obvious that these things are not at all the same. They're virtually opposites.

Kit was accused of queer-baiting, and while definitions of words change (I know about linguistics), queer-baiting was coined as a word to describe pieces of media whose creators purposefully hint at queer relationships in order to retain their queer fanbases (think Supernatrual/Destiel, Teen Wolf/Sterek, etc.). People (mainly youths on Twitter) accused Kit of queer-baiting because he played a bisexual character in a TV show and was then seen with a female friend. These absurd claims were the result of fundamentally misunderstanding queer experiences and identities outside of the internet. Most of these accusers were likely too young to have witnessed clear examples of queer-baiting or understand why it's harmful and why queer people call it out. Kit wasn't queer-baiting. He was an actor who hadn't labeled his sexuality (something he discussed in interviews). He was 18, in his first major role, getting a slew of unanticipated media attention, and his privacy was violated. He was forced to out himself because people refused to listen to him, refused to consider that choosing to not label their sexuality (especially a young person!) is a thing that queer people do sometimes (frequently).

So how does this relate to Taylor Swift? (Spoiler alert: it doesn't.)

Taylor Swift has been releasing music since she was 16. She is currently 33 years old, more than twice the age she was when she started. She has been massively famous for the majority of her career. Taylor is rich. Taylor is powerful. Yes, she's a human being, but we (the general public) typically only see what Taylor chooses to show us (there are few exceptions to this, though they definitely do exist). Taylor encourages analysis of her music, public appearances, and promotional material. She has a highly skilled PR team (shoutout Tree Paine).

Kit Connor was outed because people cling to the belief that straight is the default. If someone doesn't explicitly come out in a way that is fully comprehensible to non-queer people, they are assumed straight. This is a belief rooted in homophobia. "Speculating on someone's sexuality" isn't gross. It's been a necessary part of queer life since the inception of homophobia.

Queer flagging isn't new. There are documented codes and symbols and phrases that have been used for decades to identify yourself as queer without making it obvious to straight people and homophobes. Friends of Dorothy, hairpin dropping, a variety of flowers (violets, carnations, lavender).

Queer artists have been encoding their queerness into their work. Emily Dickinson likely coined the term bearding by using bearded pronouns—using masculine pronouns for herself or her female lover in poetry. She wrote "from the male perspective." Reading her poems about Sue Gilbert Dickinson, it's glaringly obviously gay—romantic, sexual, queer. And yet, to this day, her queerness is erased from the narrative. It even happens to Sappho. And all these years later, the presumption of heterosexuality dominates analysis of art and music.

The "hetero until proven homo" philosophy has lead to queer erasure for centuries. Taylor Swift has consistently used known queer codes since the 1989 album (see: New Romantic, Wonderland, the I Know Places tour performance, How You Get The Girl). When these songs, etc. have been pointed out as being literally queer-coded, Taylor hasn't backed down. She's stepped it up. She wrote "you could hear a hairpin drop" in Right Where You Left Me, queer people pointed out that "hairpin drop" has implications involving important queer history, and then she did it again in the Great War ("your finger on my hairpin trigger"). She intentionally subverted a common phrase, and it wasn't accidental. Queer people claimed Dress as a sapphic song, and Taylor used excessive bisexual lighting in her performance and then dedicated that performance to Loie Fuller, a queer artist. She wore a blue, purple, and pink wig in the You Need To Calm Down music video, on a production set drowning in LGBTQ folks perfectly qualified to tell her those were the colors of the bi pride flag.

There are countless examples of Taylor Swift using historical queer symbols and pride flag colors. These are symbols she actively chooses to use. She isn't stupid.

You know what Taylor Swift hasn't done? She has never said she is straight. At most, she has implied it. She hasn't said people saying she's gay makes her uncomfortable. She hasn't stopped using queer symbols or themes.

Before I really became a gaylor, I spent a lot of time wondering if it was weird or invasive or gross. But is it weird to read her lyrics? Is it invasive to look at publicly available photos of her? Is it gross to think that Taylor Swift isn't straight?

No. Obviously.

We're not trying to "force her out of the closet." We barely think she's in a closet. She is so loud to the people who are listening, who understand what she's saying, to other sapphics.

I'll end with this: When Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss were photographed at the 1975 concert, I refused to believe they were kissing. The only reason I didn't believe it is because I was a homophobic 15-year-old. I clung to her being straight because of my internalized homophobia, because I needed the one non-Christian artist I listened to to be morally pure. And that's what this is about. Homophobia, internalized or otherwise.

tl;dr: Taylor Swift is speaking loudly about her queerness to the people that are listening. She has made queer references and doubled-down on them when people pointed them out or claimed it must've been accidental. Assuming people are straight until explicitly stated otherwise is rooted in homophobia. She is a fully grown adult who controls the narrative of how people see her. What if I told you none of it was accidental?

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

Monsters of Rock 1998 Hair Metal / Hard Rock / Arena Rock /Heavy Metal / Pop-Metal

Good lord, this had to have been one of the most heavily advertised albums of all time, man. I don't know how much ad money the Razor & Tie label shelled out for all of their 'As Seen on TV' comps back in the day, but the commercials for Monsters of Rock and Monster Ballads were fucking inescapable throughout the late 90s and early 2000s, especially. Like, you'd be watching something on cable, and the commercial for this album would come on, so then you'd change the channel, and the same commercial would be playing on there too! And then you'd just force yourself to sit through it, and eventually, through repetition, the entire sequence of little song snippets that gets played throughout the ad would become a permanently etched medley inside of your goddamn mind, destined to haunt your soul for the rest of eternity:

🎶Cum on feel the noize, girls rock ya boys…my, my, my, I'm once bitten, twice shy, babe…poison!…*synths from Europe's "The Final Countdown"*…round and round, what comes around goes around, I'll tell you why…she's my cherry pie, cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise…we're not gonna take it, no! we ain't gonna take it…she's only seventeen, seventeen…here I go again on my own…I'm no fool, nobody's fool, nobody's fool…so hold on loosely…🎶

Now, the hair metal era may have been the dumbest and most ridiculous period of mainstream rock that we've ever borne witness to—and it's very difficult for me to think of another commercially successful subgenre in which rank stupidity has been such an inherently defining trait—but thanks to a combination of my own nostalgia for these damn Razor & Tie ads and my sometimes weird and ironic affinity for bad shit, after listening to this album, there is really nothing more that I want to do than hitch a ride back to 1990 so I can live out a super corny fantasy as a badass suburban high school senior who cruises through town in a boxy, red sedan with the windows down as these silly songs blare out of my speakers 😎.

But like I said, I am also under no illusion here; I'm fully cognizant of just how patently absurd so much of this music was. And when it comes to the pinnacle of pure trash, I really don't think anything ever quite managed to top Warrant's signature 1990 anthem, "Cherry Pie," which is obviously on this album. Like, have you heard or thought about this tune recently? It really might be the single-dumbest song that's ever been recorded in human history. And as the single-dumbest song that's ever been recorded in human history, it has thankfully and, I guess quite fittingly, been memorialized in some way, since…*checks notes*…you can currently go see the pizza box that its lyrics were originally transcribed on at the Hard Rock Cafe in Destin, Florida… 😭.

🎶I scream, you scream, we all scream for her Don't even try, 'cuz you can't ignore her!🎶

Also, Winger's "Seventeen." Yikes; you can probably guess what that one's about! Talk about songs that haven't aged well at all 😩:

🎶She's only seventeen (seventeen) Daddy says she's too young, but she's old enough for me🎶

Yeah… This one's catchy and all, but, um…no. 👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎 Really glad we've finally realized as a society that, at the very least, fully-grown adults singing lustily about minors is a very unacceptable thing to do. I mean, it took way too long for us to get here, but at least we've finally made it to this point, right? And I think "Cherry Pie" is probably about a minor too, by the way, but that's also up for debate 😑.

To be clear, though, not every song on this album is embarrassingly dumb and/or skeevy hair metal. I happen to think Living Colour's alt metal classic, "Cult of Personality," is a genuinely great banger. And I also dig the southern rock smoothness of a song like .38 Special's "Hold On Loosely" too; but most of the rest of these are just pure dunderheaded hair metal classics, and a key, overarching feature of this stuff was just how fucking maximally mindless it all was. It's hard to put a finger on what exactly allowed this madness to spread so widely and flourish for nearly a whole-ass decade in the first place, but thank goodness grunge came along when it did and dethroned this stuff from its perch as rock music's top subgenre in the early 90s, because, seriously, this shit was so excessive and outrageous.

All that being said though, and as good and necessary as grunge was back then, I can't help but imagine what a kick-ass time it would probably be to have almost any one of these Monsters of Rock songs come on at the bar while you and everyone else around you are in a highly intoxicated stupor; like, "Black Hole Sun," "Man in the Box," "Interstate Love Song," "Even Flow," etc., might be total jams in and of themselves, but songs like those are probably not gonna do the same trick as something like Alice Cooper's "Poison" can in that type of situation. I mean, when you're fully committed to annihilating some brain cells, it's good to have music that's way ahead of you in order to accompany your experience, right? 😅

Highlights:

Quiet Riot - "Cum On Feel the Noize" Great White - "Once Bitten Twice Shy" Alice Cooper - "Poison" Europe - "The Final Countdown" Ratt - "Round and Round" Warrant - "Cherry Pie" Whitesnake - "Here I Go Again" Winger - "Seventeen" Living Colour - "Cult of Personality" Twisted Sister - "We're Not Gonna Take It" Judas Priest - "You've Got Another Thing Coming" Cinderella - "Nobody's Fool" .38 Special - "Hold On Loosely" Autograph - "Turn Up the Radio"

[edge-oftheworld]

remembering how careful luke was with substances back when they first started out, it is actually heartbreaking that he did end up struggling with addiction. (I feel like we can often stereotype and box artists in, find excuses why they may end up using like it's their fault and if they happen to overdose and die then well, they should've not gotten into it in the first place. i can't shake that moment, in the 10yr podcast i think (don't quote me) he mentions he wasn't even into weed in 2015. just another 19yo aussie getting drunk and pretending to be tough like every other 19yo aussie, way more conservative and cautious in terms of substances than he probably would ever have admitted at the time.) how well he's always seemed to look after himself physically vs how much he'd given up on himself for so long. the fact he's always loved food and yet struggled with eating. actually I think diamonds should break our hearts. so should bloodline and heck, even baby blue. I think we should listen to starting line and be like hey, maybe we should treat our celebrities better. our artists. we all enjoy what they create, tear themselves apart so we don't feel alone in whatever we're experiencing and yet did we ever stop to think, how can we make this system work for everyone? how can we make fame be less deadly?

I think we should look at songs like motion and repeat when we're thinking of, hey, how should we approach this conversation about mental health? especially in the workplace with pressure to perform and take every opportunity lest we miss out on a big break and that's not only in creative industries. STEM can be like that too. and don't get me started on business/finance. we should look at the way we interact with each other--are we creating a space that's safe to feel and be honest with ourselves and each other and breathe enough to do that? or is it 'r u ok' and it's all about feelings and if you feel to numb to even know what you're feeling, then you're probably fine? we're hopefully beyond blaming parents for everything their children go through by now, but if ever we're not, we can listen to mum and see that you can have this beautiful relationship with your parents and still struggle, still blame yourself and be drowning in it and have the best morals around personal responsibility and still in a bad season be able to weaponise them against ourselves sometimes and only see our mistakes. still put on a farce for the world. still fear that people will leave whenever we take that off. are we creating a world where we're free to be ourselves, and I mean all of us? slip away and place in me should break our hearts even more when listened to in context.

and maybe these insights seem obvious to you but how are we really going at living as if this is what we need to be doing as humans? do we really live like we believe none of us are that invincible but at the same time are so, so capable and should be given the chances and accommodations every person, no matter their unique needs, need to really fulfil that (of course without being blamed for their perceived failures)? or are we still being ableist? are we still deciding we have a bar of perceived success for people we see to be 'like us' and feel like everyone else is somehow doomed and unable to succeed and so we don't need to worry about caring for them too? they either have to pretend to live up to our standards or slip into oblivion and shame? don't you see how this, something we often don't realise we're perpetuating, simply causes even more harm?

and maybe this is a lot to be dragging out from one (expertly done) album. or maybe we have someone who's told their story and we'd be foolish not to listen to it, not to think twice about the connotations of what we're seeing. maybe part of beholding this masterpiece is to use a bit of that same overthinking that went into creating it and do something productive with it. because luke's okay. things did get better for him, and he's coping, just like the rest of us. but what about the next young artist who is thrust into stardom from oblivion, who, clinging to music as a lifeline in a chaotic, unpredictable and lonely world, basks in it and chases it so hard without a thought to its dangers. what if they don't have a loving home away from the chaos to return to, and a close knit, unshakeable group of friends going through it with them? I don't get how you can listen to wfttwtaf and not think of this. also, luke didn't need to share any of these things with us. but I bet, in a world of facades and roles to play that others create for us, simplistic and superficial and suffocating, it's a relief to simply be honest. maybe it's just me. maybe he shared it just to get some money from his art, or to help others feel less alone. but either way he did share it. and he did give incredibly vulnerable descriptions of each song (to apple music i believe it was) which he didn't have to do either. but he did and so let's heed the protest intrinsic in it and cultivate that sense of empathy, be respectful and encouraging to him and the band, yes, but also think. if we have a case study on how to protect and better care for young artists and creatives, are we just going to let it entertain us and then do nothing about what we hear? wfttwtaf is a protest album. it might not mean to be. it might be the saddest and least angry one we've heard. it might be pure in that it pulls at our heartstrings and demands nothing from us. so let your impact be that pure and free of demands too and just. be kind. not only to the people you see in person, but everyone who might be impacted by your individual and collective actions--not only kind but smart about what is actually helpful, actually encouraging. it's pretty simple isn't it? or is it just the wild ideas of my intuition?