#and someone also said the way that 'do it scared' can become a sort of. scoldy prescriptive cudgel. mmmmmmmmmmmm

[joelletwo]

[digging thru the tags] WAHAHAHAA THE FUCKING VEGETABLES POST. i hate the fucking vegetables post

[softnderanged]

Make a man of me

“I know baby, i know.” he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. This isn’t who he is, he would never do this with someone he just met, he’ll distance himself..right?

summery: In a world of violence and survival Joel miller gives you the care that the world lacks

WARNINGS: heavy age gap (20ish years) , reclaiming childhood trauma, reader is mute, vague descriptions of reader but you can imagine her as yourself (wavy hair, freckles, doe eyed), readers horrible with feelings, joel is horrible with feelings, reader is a virgin, p in v activities, daddy kink, hard yet soft joel, caretaker joel, actually fatherly joel, outbreak, prn with plot, SLOWBURN. (more tags in the future)

a/n: heyy this is my first post annnddd also my first writing i have a hard time finding joel miller fics that suit my taste soooo here we are any feedback would be appreciated!🎀

Part 1: A soft friend

maybe i grew up when i didn’t want to, maybe i grew up because i had to.

It’s what you told yourself every-time you doubted your strength, your ability to overcome, adapt. You grew up in the quiet of a second floor of a city apartment, scared, underweight, and silent. It was the first thing you were taught by your mother just after you had learned how to read.

scribbles filled your ears as she wrote into the dirt of the coffee table that laid in-front of you. “Searching for food. will be back.” Looking back up at her she gave you a questing nod, you shook your head in agreement, already feeling the pit in your stomach forming as you watched her leave from the worn and weathered couch of a bed and out the fire escape that acted as your front door. You waited what felt like days on end, you knew she wasn’t coming back home and there was nothing you could have done to stop her from from going. Your mother was a stoic woman, knife at her side at all times, rough and rigged from surviving the initial outbreak as a young girl. But she loved you, you could feel it in the way she tenderly finger brushed through your hair and gently braided your wavy strands to keep you maintained, or how she always fed you first when she found the little food she did. You missed her more than anything, she wanted better for you yet all the strength you had suddenly vanished. half a month had passed, though you swear it’d only been an hour but the empty bottles of water and rations from your mothers emergency stock splayed all around the couch you laid in said other wise. there was nothing else, it was time to get a move on yet your feet dragged on the floor, feeling so heavy until you didnt even realize you had reached the door.

“I have to survive.” is all you could think as your little hand grabbed at the handle, you barely recognized yourself as a child way back then anyways.

The present isn’t much different, it’d been around 6-7 years after you’d went about surviving by yourself, it was hard to keep track of time. You had kept in the City area and mapped out the entire surrounding city, you knew it like the back of your hand. The scarcity in everyday items was steadily growing ever so more, and right now what you needed the most was Tylenol for your horrible, almost chronic headaches and some ammo for the P365 handgun you had picked off of a cocky patrol man that strayed off further than he could handle. It’d become routine for you to go through and check the routes you drew out in the old and worn map that you obtained from some sort of news stand, sometimes straying to explore, like now, currently standing in the shade of an alley way you looked around the area squinting your eyes for any landmarks you recognized. None, until your eyes landed on what looked to be an old pharmacy across the street, bingo!

Carefully placing the fragile map back into your torn grey backpack that definitely needed some love. You set off towards the worn and abandoned building, making sure to watch for any sudden movement before darting across and into the narrow space between the pharmacy and another building. Not wanting to be seen from the street you looked for a way in, spotting a small smashed in window above a garbage bin and deciding that was going to be your entrance. “fuck.” you thought as you climbed up onto the overgrown Garbage bin and use all your strength to pull yourself to sit on the window sill and land feet first through the shattered opening, feeling yourself wince at the sharp pain of tiny shards dug into the palm of your hand— scaling was never your strong suit.

Debris mixed with glass crushed under the foot of your boots as you landed and immediately took in your surrounding as you took careful steps to skim over the few isles for supplies, realizing you jumped into the back of the prescription pick up. If not for your mother induced mutism no one would—

—CRACK—

Before you knew it you ducked down behind the pharmaceutical counter, grabbing at where your gun lay in your holster. You questioned if this was even worth it, you could leave and go without your needs. Weighing your options, you decided if there was too much to handle you would book it the same way you came in. Listening, you gripped your pistol and slipped in and out of the isles of the pharmacy, slowly making your way to where the sound had come from. you paused— a voice came into coherent range.

Holding your breath, you peeked around the corner,, there was a man on his knees wearing what looked like militia wear pinning another man by the neck on the floor. “I knew checking this area would be worth it, it was a stupid fucking mistake on your part getting into other peoples shit.” The militia man’s grip tightened as the taller and bulkier one of the two thrashed against him, filling your ears with the sound of struggle and grunts as his left hand fisted around the other mans wrist and the other,, throwing heavy punches that didn’t seem to make a difference, the scene made your wide eyes twitch at every blow. Steadying your quiet but uneven breaths, you prepared yourself to leave. You weren’t staying around to see the end, but there was a quiet thought that flooded your mind.

This man is going to die.

Surviving on your own made you frayed at the edges, you survived for yourself and death was nothing new but you couldn’t shake this, couldn’t shake the nauseating feeling it gave you thinking about what would happen if you left the two men to their business. Convincing yourself you were doing this for yourself, you let out an internal groan as you reached in your pocket and flipped out the switchblade you kept on you and snuck along a few more isles, being careful for glass shards that laid sparse all across the tile floor until you had view of the back of the armored man.

Realizing you had the advantage, you ran up and jumped on the mans back desperately stabbing into his neck as a choked out scream left his mouth and hands coiling back to claw at your arm that held him secure under his jaw. The room fell silent as you ripped out your now sticky with blood switchblade from the lifeless body of the now dead man, your breath slowed as you looked at the grump you just saved. getting a closer look he was disheveled as fuck. He looked around 40 but still extremely built and strong but not over done, wearing what looks like a muted dark green not fully buttoned button down, with one or two missing and a worn and well loved brown leather winter jacket over top. His jeans thick and straight cut, surprisingly with no rips or tears minus the washed out hint of green and brown on his knees.

His eyes slowly trailed up your body to meet yours, his hand cupping at his neck to sooth the ache. The sound of trucks came creeping in. “We need to go. Now.” He said, quickly getting up and leaning on a side door before pushing it wide to stick his head out.

“Alright go on out now, s’fine.”

Nodding you stepped out and held the door with all your strength while he made himself fit out the opening. You ran and hid with him for what felt like forever, your legs long gone sore and everything, but god, you wouldn’t imagine what his legs were feeling right now hes pretty fucking old. Eventually you both made it to a hide out of his, he pulled out a key and unlocked the door holding it open for you as you walked in. The place was fairly clean considering the world you lived in, it didn’t look like a permanent place, just a hide out with a sofa and supplies. Was he not from here? Why is he here? What does he want? God what did you get yourself wrapped into.

The man stared at your deep in thought face while he leaned on the peeling wall of the room. “So..you from aroun’ here?” You turned to him and nodded, his eyes followed as you looked down to rub at your palms. “Let me take care of that f’ya, least i could do. just take a seat.” You didn’t even know this man let alone trust him at all, on-top of that you can handle yourself, you weren’t going to stay and that was final.

…

And you sat, Gaddam it. “Your hand.” He says, hesitantly you raise it up for him as he wipes at it with a wet rag. He’s gentle, too gentle like he’s afraid you’ll shatter as he wraps a bandage around both of your palms. “Not much of a talker are ya, the names Joel, Joel Miller.” Your eyes followed him up as he got back on his feet, knees popping.

“Assumin’ you got no where to go and no one with you ill give you some options, you can come with me or stay. headin’ to a place called Jackson, bout’ a week trip over only reason i came here was to scope out loot, your decision.”

Your mind raced, he really is a stranger but you have absolutely no one here, it was a risk you weren’t sure on taking, it couldnt hurt to go along right? if things went south you can book it, you didnt have to trust him to follow behind. By the time you came to your decision the door had shut behind him, getting up you turned the handle and set off.

“Glad to see you made your choices.” You couldn’t see his face but the lack of tension in his body as he walked made you feel a little more at ease.

It’d been about a day since you started Traveling with him, now in a shopping district scavenging around for what you could find in a clothing store. The fancy dresses of the time made your eyes hurt at how unpractical they were. “Time t’get a move on, we got another store to go through before we’re out.” Motioning you to follow him through a door, It was a back hallway that connected each of the buildings, the last store being the toy shop.

Joel held the door for you as you stepped in, small trinkets and plushies of all sizes filled the area but one caught your attention. A soft brown teddy bear with beady black eyes and decent size to use both your hands to hug.

Picking it up struck a chord, a chord you couldn’t describe but it hurt, maybe it was the lack of being able to be a child, to have the luxury of toys, or live a life of having no worries of going to sleep hungry, maybe its everything. Joel noticed immediately how your body trembled holding the bear that looked like its purpose was to be in your arms. Taking slow steps he walked towards you until he was the closest he’s been to you.

“you alright?” he said, snapping you out of it and turning to look up at him.

you wanted to hold it in, you haven’t felt like this in forever, you don’t know him and this was just so embarrassing but you just couldn’t hold it in.

Like a overflowed dam cracking, it all came out, tears pouring, you couldn’t do anything but look down to save at-least a part of your dignity. You could hear him let out a soft “oh..” before he held your face to look at him, thumb swiping at a tear like it was question if this was okay, there was a look on his face, like seeing you cry broke a part of him, it wasn’t pity, it was care. There was no going back so you leaned into him craving any sort of security and comfort. Joel took that opportunity to take the bear out of your hands and pick you up with his left arm, quietly shushing you while his right cradled your head into his neck, not caring about the puddle of tears that would stain his jacket as he made his way to the book section of the store that had a white worn down rocking chair, his knees cracked as he balanced the chair before sitting down and laying back with you in his arms.

“I know baby girl m’sorry the worlds unfair, you’re doing the best you can, don’t need to act all tough right now.”

His words melted into every crevice of you, it was so calming, nothing like you’ve ever experienced, his heart beat, the small gentle circles he’s been scratching on your back, his scent of pine and faint smell of sweet vanilla, the soothing rocking, his warmth, so warm. The tears slowly subsided and you could feel your eyes drift shut from how exhausted your tears made you, sniffles dying down.

Once joel noticed you fell asleep he tucked the bear under you arm.

“I know baby, i know.” he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. This isn’t who he is, he would never do this with someone he just met, he’ll distance himself..right?

[local-crying-boy]

Hey could you do human reader x yandere cullens as head cannons? it’s okay if not!

Ofc! I don’t know if you mean separately or if all of them, so I did both!

A/N: some of the characters don't have as much because I ran out of things to write and it was becoming more repetitive. Especially for Esme because I really don't know how to write for her

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ℍ𝕦𝕞𝕒𝕟 <<ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣>> 𝕏 𝕐𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖!ℂ𝕦𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕟𝕤 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

𝙷𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗!<<𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚡 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙲𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚜 (𝚜𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎)

Edward Cullen:

Edward’s ability makes it easier for him to pinpoint who has an interest in you and who wants to ask you out

He uses it as a foresight into how much he needs to scare off said person.

It does also mean he’s usually in a foul mood when he does figure out someone likes you or not.

Don't worry though, he's quick to forget those idiots and their thoughts when you start talking to him. It makes him remember that they're not good enough for you because you're here, talking to him and not them.

When he is in a foul mood, though, he is reassured from knowing that you love him. However, he does need to read your mind for that extra step of reassurance since he doesn't want to ask sometimes.

Emmett Cullen:

Emmett is a big guy, so he uses intimidation mostly to scare off anyone who has a thing for you or doesn’t like you

Everyone in school knows that he's protective over you, he doesn't even try to hide it. In fact, he basically flaunts it around so everyone CLEARLY sees it.

He uses PDA to show off that you're with him, or have some sort of relation with him (depending on if we're talking pre or during relationship)

While in relationship, he makes your his arm is around your shoulder, holding your hand, anything to show off that you want his touch and he wants yours.

Rosalie Hale:

People are pretty much intimidated by Rosalie, or fancy her.

However, despite her beauty, her love for you never has (and never will) waver. Quite literally: everyone is looking at her, but she's looking at you.

Similarly to Emmett, she also uses PDA to show off that your hers and she's yours, just not the the same extent.

She'll hold onto your arm and walk closely to you, hold your hand. It's more watered down in comparison to Emmett's type of PDA

Basically a more subtle way off showing off to everyone that you're already taken.

Jasper Hale:

Another member of the Cullen Clan who uses intimidation to scare people off

people already think he's strange with the way he looks or, well, from always looking in pain. So most people get the creeps from him.

Not too much on the PDA, he doesn't ned to parade you off to everyone, but he'll stay close to you regardless. That's more from the fact that people are less likely to come up to you when your (not so) little guard is there

He feels a little less inclined to scare anyone off because he can feel what you feel and, therefore, your love for him, which means he is much more reassured that you're not planning on leaving him anytime for someone else.

Not like anyone is better than him, so there is such a little chance of you leaving him.

Alice Cullen:

Unlike the others, Alice is much more relaxed and calmer with knowing that people like you

She sees the future, obviously. So she can tell whether or not someone is planning on asking you out, meaning she has enough time to avoid that from happening, or just constantly remind you why you love her

She's extremely good at reminding you why you are with her. Maybe it's a simple date, maybe it's a massive shopping trip, maybe she's letting you ramble about some nonsense! Either way, she knows exactly how to make you fall in love even more.

She parades you off just like Emmett does, in her own way. While she walks with you, she'll have your arms interlinked and she'll make sure that your holding hands.

She's friendly with most of her family members, but there's a clear difference between her affections towards them and her affection towards you and that's how people know that there's something special about you and that you're out of bounds.

Carlisle Cullen:

Carlisle is more confident in being able to keep you in his life, and to keep anyone from taking you away from him

Maybe it's from his age, he's older than the others and therefore has much more experience in comparison to his adopted children. Meaning, he is more mature in his thoughts of 'keeping' you.

So, while the others focus on preventing people the around you from asking your out, Carlisle purely focuses on you. I mean that in it's whole, just you. He focuses purely on you.

He's a major gift giver, he likes trying to find out your likes and hobbies so that he can get you gifts that you'd be excited over or actually be happy to receive.

However, the is usually a certain look in his eye that you can see whenever someone gets too friendly with you. It's almost like he's debating whether or not to turn back on all of his morals just to get back for this one person who made a poor attempt to flirt.

Esme Cullen:

Esme is the type to less so focus on keeping you away from others, she, like Carlisle, is confident in being able to keep you in your life. However, this is more so due to the fact she was older when she turned in comparison to the others.

She's affectionate and caring, everything she does for you (obviously) is for YOU, meaning she takes in consideration how she thinks you'll react and, therefore, how much you'd appreciate said action.

You can tell when she has a certain dislike for someone after trying something with you because she gets passive aggressive with them. Yes, she's naturally a caring and loving person, but there are times where that side of her can easily hide some sort of aggression.

𝙷𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗!<<𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛>> 𝚡 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝙲𝚞𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚜 (𝙿𝚘𝚕𝚢)

They all work collectively to make sure that you are theirs alone, there would be such a slim, slim, SLIM chance of anyone getting in the way of their love for you.

Alice and Edward work together to make sure that they have an insight in who has an interest in you.

Alice uses her visions to see who ends up getting feelings for you and if they are going to ask you out (depending on the certainty of it, ofc), while Edward using his mind reading ability to figure out who has an interest in you in the here and now.

Emmett and Jasper are in the intimidation department, one mean glare to anyone after they decide to get too close to you, or too friendly, and said person is running for the hills.

Esme and Carlisle are both of the more loving and caring side of things (not to say that the others aren't). These two less so focus on scaring others away, and more so focus on keeping your love and affection on them and their family.

Rosalie is a mix, it's hard to pinpoint what exactly she does. She can intimidate anyone she likes if she puts her mind to it , but I personally don't see her doing that (might be because I don't know much about her...), especially since you'd have Jasper and Emmett on task.

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Masterlist

[badgalsasuke]

Continuing the re-read of Naruto Gaiden.

While at first he looks shocked to see Sarada for the first time ever

The rest of the manga he's simply not happy to see her

Like, not in the slightest. You'd think if she was the child Sasuke had with someone he loved and wasn't able to see her due to a very dangerous important mission like SS shippers claim, he'd be happy to see her, a little smile here and there at least.

He's so uncomfortable by his daughter's presence

YIKES

I find very interesting what Kishimoto did here: 1. He had to place Sarada next to Naruto and 2. he had to make sure Naruto was injured and couldn't defend himself to get Sasuke to move and become a shield for them, basically bring back the whole "my body moved on its own" instinct Sasuke has to protect Naruto to then be able to create some sort of father-daughter moment so Sasuke wouldn't look absolutely terrible as a father.

It reminds me a lot of the interview Kishimoto gave years ago about forcing Sasuke to drink the juice he doesn't like, which is basically creating scenarios where Sasuke is forced to interact with certain characters in some way. You can read more about it here

he hates Sakura's guts so bad, like damn not even containing himself for the sake of Sarada.

The difference in Sasuke's reaction when Naruto is stabbed vs when Sakura is sent to a difference dimension.

They really don't give a fuck about Sakura at all, this is so sad.

Mmmmm the hesitation. When Naruto got stabbed and said *four* times it was no big deal Sasuke was still scared shitless for him but when Sakura is kidnapped, he isn't worried (or dgaf) and struggles to talk confidently about her strength as kunoichi. If he was smirking or something it wouldn't feel like he's forcing himself to talk that way, but he still has that uncomfy face he makes whenever Sarada and Sakura are concerned.

Kishimoto really refuses to write an interaction between Sasuke and Sakura where Sasuke shows genuine care for her. Sakura also looks kind of resignated to Sasuke's treatment here.

And this is Sarada's reaction and I cannot really decipher what Kishimoto is going trying to communicate here. It's not really a smile but she's not totally sad either. She looks baffled? Is she, just like the readers, trying to make up where Sasuke and Sakura really stand as a couple? It seems like so to me.

Okay, finally for once he shows some positive emotion towards Sarada and is proud of her strength.

Oh brother, he truly does not give a fuck about Sakura. I also find it an interesting choice that we don't see Sasuke's face when he's talking about his feelings for Sakura.

Don't worry Sarada you're not the first child to come from a loveless marriage, multiple children across the world see themselves in you!

Right here I almost felt like despite not loving Sakura, Sasuke doesn't find it necessary for Sarada to pay for that and that his uncomfortable face has more to do with not knowing his child and not knowing how to act around her rather than some actual misplaced anger against her.

But then Sasuke did this, meaning he has no issues to make false promises to Sarada just like he did to Sakura and just like Itachi did to him. He doesn't feel close to her nor is he interested in strengthening their bond.

Sakura is so pathetic like you cannot even feel bad for her because she herself refuses to stand up.

Some SS shippers interpret Sasuke smirk as him liking to tease Sakura. Now, Sasuke's VA had apparently stated that Sasuke does like to deny Sakura affection as you can see here.

So if that's the case then Sasuke is not denying Sakura a kiss in a playful way as SS imagine (they like to say he doesn't like kissing her in public when Sakura had already implied they've NEVER kissed), but he's rather smirking because he's happy he's on his own again, like he rejected Sakura again plus used the forehead poke on Sarada that symbolizes distancing and false promises, it's a sensical conclusion to me.

And ofc we could not not talk about Studio Pierrot doing damage control of Kishimoto's work. In the family portrait made by Kishimoto Sasuke is the only one that isn't smiling and instead has a hard look on his face which fits his attitude and demeanor during all of Naruto Gaiden, but in the anime they have him smiling and gave him a softer look... Mmmmmmm...

[terapsina]

Let's talk books. Sorted in threes by vibes.

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I Support Women's Wrongs (murder, slaughter and body horror galore).

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How to Become the Dark Lord and Die Trying ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ by Django Wexler - A woman from Earth is dropped into a magical realm, meant to save the Kingdom from the FoRCes of DaRKneSSss... except, unfortunately that might have been a thousand years worth of time loops ago, so it's rather time to lose one's temper and decide to become the Dark Lord herself.

Main character -> basically Deadpool (measured in sanity, humor and levels of bisexual horniness)).

Someone You Can Build a Nest In ⭐⭐⭐⭐ by John Wiswell - Shesheshen, a shapechanging monster who's rudely interrupted during her hibernation by hunters. Manages to to eat one of them, unfortunately she also gets shot by an arrow and falls off a cliff. On the bright side she meets a lovely human woman she might end up falling in love with so much... she'll want to build a nest in her (it's possible there's some Cultural Differences that need to be worked through).

Hench ⭐⭐⭐⭐ by Natalie Zina Walschots - Anna's latest temp job for a villain (because even supervillains need office help) ends with her carelessly injured by a superhero, laid off and with injured mobility for the foreseeable future (because human bodies don't see much difference between getting hit by a truck and getting moved out of way by someone able to pick up a truck). Angry, disillusioned, and looking for some vengeful payback she starts compiling the statistics of exactly how much suffering gets left behind the heroes and in quick order finds a new job working for one of the worst supervillains in the neighborhood.

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Extremely Competent Women Show Up to Fix Everyone's Shit (with a whallop of romance which was actually sweet instead of irritating)

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The Witchwood Knot ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ by Olivia Atwater - Winifred Hall was invited to the Witchwood Manor under the pretense of being the governess for a very bratty kid, but when said boy suddenly turns into a very quiet and perfectly bland boy overnight it's very obvious her charge has been stolen by faeries (and it might have something to do with the actual reason she's there). Rescue however is complicated by some factors, one, there being something terribly dark and wrong about the house (normal houses don't have screaming faces in the walls), another, the faerie man posing as the manor's butler who would very much like to make her run screaming the way so many servants had before her (unfortunately for him, she's not even half as scared of him as she is the eyes of the father of her charge).

This one's about dealing with past trauma, and otherworldly terrors paling in comparison to mundane monsters, set in a very beautiful and dark and shiver-inducing Victorian time world where the Fair Folk are very real.

(Same world as her Regency Faerie Tales trilogy that Started with Half a Soul but it's not necessary to read that one first to enjoy this one)

Keeper of Enchanted Rooms ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ by Charlie N. Holmberg - Merritt Fernsby inherits a house only to be immediately taken hostage by what turns out to be a very stubborn and opinionated magical house. Hulda Larkin of the Boston Institute for the Keeping of Enchanted Rooms goes there to facilitate the relationship between the house and its new owner.

It's supposed to be a very simple job. Unfortunately there's a third POV character in this book (no, not the Whimbrel House, though I adore that house and *insert here the Rosa Diaz gif about her new puppy and how she would kill everyone in this room and then herself if anything were to happen to that dog*). Anyway, they're a bit... uhhh... let's go with Bad News.

Emily Wilde's Encyclopedia of Faeries ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ by Heather Fawcett - As one might expect from the title, Emily (a Cambridge scholar) wants to write the first ever encyclopedia of faeries. And she's brilliant enough to do it, what she's terrible at is people (*insert autistic character alert here*).

Someone else might then say it's lucky that a fellow scholar with a far easier time at charming people has stuck his toes in her reaserch trip into the Hidden Ones... that person however doesn't understand how irritating, frustrating and maddening her academic rival Wendell Bambleby actually is.

What follows is a story filled with winter snows, some terrible fae, some adorable fae, some not-very-secret fae, the goodest of good dogs, and lots and lots of squabbling. It's the best.

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Dark and Impactful Stories about Children Who Decide on Their Own Paths

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A Skinful of Shadows ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ by Frances Hardinge - Kate, an orphan and the illegitimate daughter of some stuffy (and evil) aristocrats runs away because being a bastard doesn't mean she didn't inherit the family magic that allows her to get possessed by the dead.

A dead bear ghost is one thing, a Get Out situation is something else entirely.

A Sorceress Comes to Call ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ by T. Kingfisher - Cordelia isn't allowed friends or the privacy of closed doors, and whenever she's done something she shouldn't - a category too unpredictable to guard against - she's not allowed power over her own body.

Because her mother is an evil sorceress (think Regina and Cora... except somehow even worse). An evil sorceress that has found herself a Squire to lure into a marriage.

Hester is an old maid living with her brother, a Squire (well look at them coincidences), when said brother acquires a woman clearly set on his fortune. The plan is only to save her brother, except Hester can't help noticing how the woman's daughter keeps flinching in her mother's presence.

In The Lives of Puppets ⭐⭐⭐⭐ by TJ Klune - A family can be an android inventor, his human son (*homoromantic asexual alert*), a sadistic nurse droid, and a very emotional roomba.

And it can be a very happy family. Until one uncovers and wakes up an android that shares a very Skynet past with one's father, said father gets kidnapped, and one has to go on a journey to get him back.

(A book I like to call Sci-fi Reverse Pinocchio)

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Unraveling an Unjust System (and a hero that - on a scale from occasionally to constantly - hears a disembodied voice directly in their heads okay the connection between these three is a bit of a stretch but they're all great books so shut up)

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Hell for Hire ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ by Rachel Aaron - 5000 years ago Gilgamesh conquered the heavens, enslaved the demons and made it so that the only road to magic humanity had access, was through him.

Now, however a mercenary team made up of free demons gets hired by a Blackwood witch to protect him (and his familiar, the talking cat named Boston) while he puts down roots (literally) inside the new forest grove he's about to start so that he can stand up against the warlocks after him.

The witch quickly becomes the best client Bex and her crew have ever had (after all, warlocks under the rule of the Eternal King Gilgamesh are slavers of their kind, they are delighted at the chance to kill some).

Vespertine ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ by Margaret Rogerson - In a world where the veil between the living and the dead has been kinda broken Artemisia (*another autistic character alert*) is training to be a Gray Sister (magic nun).

Until her convent gets attacked by possessed soldiers and she has no choice but to pick up a Saint's Relic containing a malevolent revenant to protect it.

Problem. Only a Vespertine is supposed to do it. Another problem. The only one "alive" who can teach her to be a Vespertine is the revenant. Another another problem. The revenant cannot be trusted and if she loses control to it, the death toll will be counted in cities.

Terminal Alliance ⭐⭐⭐⭐¾ by Jim C. Hines - Post Zombie Apocalypse, where some aliens showed up, sort of cured the zombies and took the (mostly) cured zombies into their military.

Which leads us to Marion Adamopoulos, also known as Mops, the Leutenant in charge of Shipboard Hygene and Sanitation of the Earth Mercenary Corps Ship Pufferfish.

Right up until a bioweapon turns the entire crew except her crew back into zombies. Congratulations, she's the captain now.

(Space Janitors save the universe story).

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[lewismcqueen]

the chase

lh44 x black!reader

summary: as the only heir to your mother's throne, the constant merry-go-round of suitors vying for a slice of power has gotten terribly boring. that is, until one is actually able to keep your attention. wc: 2k a/n: I have a confession...I do still have an entire princess au series thing lined up, but this isn't it. This was actually the first draft for it before I realized I wanted to tell a slightly different story, but I didn't wanna let this one go! so you all can have it now lol. I'm willing to write all sorts of scenarios for a royal au because they're fun and egregiously anachronous, so don't be scared to send a request my way!

“Oh!” 

Your governess exclaims as the book falls off of your head, making your eyes squeeze shut as it tumbles to the floor. 

You sigh, staring dejectedly at the dusty brown poetry book lying on the ground, the expensive tassled carpet soft under your slippers. 

A few years ago, when you were eight, the governess would have looked upon your clumsiness with kind eyes, reassuring you that you'd blossom into a “fine young lady” with enough practice. 

Now, at the age of sixteen, your mistakes were far fewer. But that meant that they were tolerated less.

After bending down to retrieve the book, you look up to see the neat old woman frowning, deepening the lines in her mahogany skin like grooves in an ornate table. The lines are quite pronounced, and you think that she must've had years—decades, even!—to practice frowning just so.

She wears a conservative dress and overcoat in a jewel-toned blue, hands wrinkled with age but still clean and primly folded in front of her. Silvery-gray hair with streaks of black peppered throughout is tied back into a tight bun. 

When you were younger you hated your governess, thinking her a wicked old witch like the ones in your storybooks. But then you realized that she wasn't so desperate or smelly-looking as they were. The woman stepped into a room and made even your father straighten up beneath her piercing gaze. People looked at her like she was worth listening to. You had begun to think that maybe it would be a good thing to grow old and become something like her, and that to earn her praise would grant you whatever magical powers allowed her to command a whole room. Old age seemed to make her more important. It became important to you, therefore, to make sure that she was pleased with you as often as possible.

But the book had fallen off of your head. Instinctively you straighten up, but you can tell she's already caught you slouching.

“We are finished for today. Do wash up, your father asks that you make an appearance this afternoon,” She gives you an unimpressed look. “I assume you already know where to go…?”

What is about to occur this afternoon, she needn't say. You know, and hold back another deep sigh at the thought.

More suitors.

Also known as: some stuffy nobleman brings his stuffy, snot-nosed son over to walk you around the grounds three times with his arm linked with yours, the boy listing off his various talents and all the languages he can speak the whole while.

A flurry of servants surround you in the powder room first, tugging your braids in all sorts of directions in order to get them into rollers. Someone very carefully has you tip your head back into a bucket of steaming hot water so that only the rollers are dipped into it without scorching you. The feeling of a hot towel around your shoulders is terribly uncomfortable and makes you sweat, but it makes your braids take the shape of some very pretty ringlets. 

Your gown is made of fine silk and tulle with the muffin sleeves trimmed with lace, a sensible pale peachy color that brings out the rich tone of your deep brown skin. A gold necklace rests just below your collarbone, the jewels arranged in a pattern that mimics rays of sunshine. Or so it was said.

You're escorted into the living room, the doors parting to reveal a scene so repetitive and mundane that you could very well paint it and frame it in your room.

Your father—or rather, the back of his head—observing. A man and his son, being observed.

The man is in a very fine coat, a deep navy blue with a crimson cravat. He's the same shade as your father, but with decidedly less hair. He's got a firm hand placed on the shoulder of his son, who is sitting on the plush camel back sofa with a posture rivaling your own governess. He’s dressed in the same color, only his cravat is a bright summery yellow. His dark hair is shorn close to the scalp, to the point where it sits flat over his head. You can see tiny waves that suggest that it looks much curlier when grown out.

The resemblance almost uncanny, the boy is essentially just a lighter version of his father. His skin is the shade of sandalwood with a golden undertone. His cheeks and the bridge of his nose look particularly bronzed and sun-kissed compared to the rest of his face. Must be outdoors a lot, you think, before immediately pushing away the thought. You're learning to scrutinize, and you don't like it.

“Ah, here she is. I present to you…”

Your own father gestures towards you as he recites your ridiculously long title before finally reaching your name.

The nobleman only has to give his son a quick sideways look for the boy to rise from his chair swiftly—almost gracefully—and bow. They've practiced this. 

The other suitors surely had as well, but there is always some sort of clumsiness that makes it through, a moment of delay before they’re elbowed in the rib or have to be prompted by a hissed whisper to start the performance. 

The senior Hamilton gestures towards his son, seeming to offer him up to you as he rattles off some more titles. The only important bit is that the boy's name is Lewis.

You curtsy in turn. Judging by the approving look on your father's face as he turns to you, it is well-executed. 

“A pleasure,” you greet in your best impression of the queen. Your mother is out on business, but you hear her announce things often enough to try and mimic her cadence.

You meet the boy’s gaze. His expression is stony, revealing nothing save for the way that his brows are slightly furrowed. He doesn't look dazed or distracted - he looks…focused. Dark brown eyes gleam with something like anticipation. Or challenge.

Fascinating.

“The Hamiltons,” the king says, mostly to you. The next bit is spoken very carefully, his eyes boring into you as if he's imploring you to play nice. “They've come from a long way off, so please, do show the young one around while his father and I discuss.”

And that was that.

The two of you are sent out into the garden to take a turn and ‘get to know each other’, which is code for ‘figure out just how painful it would be to be married to him’. Lewis offers his arm with a tiny, polite smile and you take it. 

The first minute or so is silent as you watch him take in the estate. His eyes are casually floating over the garden, then the fountain, then the carriages stopped out in front before his gaze finally returns to you.

“Right. Let's begin,” you launch into the usual list, “I play the harp and the pianoforte. I speak Latin, French, Spanish, Italian, German, Dutch, and Japanese. When the weather is suitable, I like to paint. Now you.”

Lewis’ brow lifts just slightly, the corner of his lips twitching like he wants to laugh. But he doesn’t miss a beat. 

“Of course. Pianoforte as well. Latin, French, and Spanish. My Italian leaves much to be desired, though I do study it diligently. Haven't yet started on Japanese. I enjoy fencing and horse racing.”

His speech is surprisingly eloquent and smooth. ‘Trained’ is the word you keep landing on to describe it. 

You've reached the part of the garden where the roses were now in full bloom. Their bright red and pink hues remind you of all the fun you should be having, studying them with your sketchbook in-hand. You hum in consideration. 

“You speak well,” you remark flippantly without looking at him. “My father will like you.”

You hear a tiny snort next to you, and the impolite, decidedly un-trained noise makes your head snap towards your young suitor.

He's fully grinning now, dimples forming on freckled cheeks as he stares ahead. 

“That's all very well, but I'm not looking to marry His Excellency.”

Heavens above, is that…a sense of humor? You school your expression into neutrality, not wanting to get your hopes up.

“Well, of course not,” you deadpan. “It’s me you're here to marry.”

“Precisely,” Lewis laughs, and it’s a beautiful sound. Reminds you of a breeze that carries the scent of flowering plants with it. “I need your approval as well, else we’ll both be miserable.”

You shrug. “My father's opinion matters more. If he hates you he'll just send you back home.”

“All true. And yet here I am, taking a turn with you in the garden and rattling off languages to impress you.”

You stop walking abruptly, which nearly makes him stumble over his own shoes.

You ask sharply, “What's your point?”

His eyes widen, and for the first time he looks a bit nervous. 

“I don't mean to offend,” he says carefully. “It's just—well, I'll be honest. All I have to do is bow and sit still to get the king to like me. My father says that's hardly half the battle.”

Despite his delicate tone, the statement lands like a veiled insult. You remove your arm to cross it over the other one. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Now free of your arm, he folds his behind his back. Still respectful, but not at all apologetic. Like he knows he’s right.

“My meaning is, we've not known each other for half an hour, and you're already bored of me.”

His words hang in the air in the quiet garden. No one has ever said it out loud before, and you aren't quite sure what to do now that the routine has been broken.

You lift your chin indignantly. “Says who?”

The boy is grinning again, and tilts his head. 

“So Her Highness was not, in fact, trying to get rid of me just now?”

“I was…speeding things up. I find the introductions tedious.”

His face is very smug, like he’s about to call ‘checkmate’. “Name one of my hobbies, then. The ones I've just mentioned.”

“I will!” You nod curtly. “Let’s see, uh…”

You look up in deep thought. The first was practically on the tip of your tongue. Some kind of sport, and probably something leisurely to be done during the summer months. He had just told you.

“You do archery, right?”

The boy blinks. “Wow. Not even close.”

“Well, that's not fair!” You whine. “Too many suitors come around here for me to remember everything. It's not fair at all!”

Lewis offers his arm again with a smirk. “One of them was horse racing. Well, watching it at least. I’m a mediocre archer.”

You take his arm, and the two of you set off walking once more. “Never seen a horse race. Mother never lets me go to them.”

His eyes widened. “But you're the princess! You ought to be able to go see all the racing in the world!”

Something about that stings a bit.

“I don't see what's so great about it anyway,” you retort. “Horses running after each other. Sounds terribly dull.”

Lewis laughs again, revealing a gap-toothed smile and incisors as sharp as his wit.

“Well I’ll have you know that it’s riveting. Especially when the riders tumble off of their horses and fall arse-first into the mud.”

You take a moment to conjure the image of noble young men with their rear ends caked in grass and mud, and you immediately cover your mouth to stifle a giggle.

“Well in that case, I think I’d like to see one once I’m old enough.”

Lewis winked. “Your mother can’t keep you from the race track if I’m courting you.”

Despite yourself, the sudden flirting makes your face go hot. Before you can respond, though, you hear a voice not dissimilar to Lewis’ call after him. It’s slightly deeper - accent clipped and not as relaxed as his, so you correctly guess that it’s his father. The man is standing near the entrance of the garden next to your father, looking rather pleased with himself.

“Do say your goodbyes, the carriage will be ready soon!”

Gently, Lewis unlinks his arm from yours and turns to you with a polite bow of his head. “Seems our discussion’s come to an end. I do hope to see you at a race one day, Your Highness.”

Like he’s practiced it a million times, he reaches out to take your hand. You let him, and he lifts it to his lips, planting a light kiss to your knuckles. It’s the first time you feel yourself smile at such a gesture.

“We’ll see,” is all you can manage to get out as he turns to leave.

[aventoru]

hello!! I haven't made any requests yet, so I hope I'm doing it right... there's a lot of text ahead, sorry for the mistakes, I'm still learning English.

can I ask for headcanons for Aventurine, Boothill and Sunday in this scenario: reader is an aristocrat (or even a princess/queen). Her home planet was invaded by a military empire from another world, and one of the generals, a cruel and scary man, wanted to marry her against her will. because of this, she ran away, and after a while she met the character and entered into a romantic relationship with him. but one day invaders found her, and instead of taking her away, they decided to manipulate and to destroy their relationship, so that she would have nowhere else to run and nowhere to seek protection (for example, they contacted the character and said something like "aren't you disgusted sleeping with someone else's wife?" (they lied about it, of course, but the character can't know that)). then the character would be upset, disappointed, broken... he would think that he was being used, that he was just being toyed with. he would have talked about it with reader, and only then she would have told him the truth (before that, she was scared, hurt, and uncomfortable remembering it, so she never told)

something like that? I would love to see such a story, but don't force yourself if you don't like it! you can just ignore it^^

queen!reader with hidden identity

ft. aventurine, boothill, sunday

tags : read the ask for background context!! f!reader, reader is a queen, reader is called her/your majesty, brief mentions of tragedy, reader gets called 'sly fox' once

a/n : hii anon! the scenario is quite long so i hope it's captured well with some (really long) headcanons 😭 p.s. can i turn this idea into a full fic with a specific character (PLS LET ME 🙏)??? anyways i hope u enjoy!

AVENTURINE

as the tragedy is unfolding on your home planet, you use one of your fleet’s spaceships to escape, and stumble upon one of the planets the IPC sent aventurine to explore

you beg him to save you, and he takes you in out of pity, as your disheveled figure reminds him of his old struggles

he receives basic info about you, but the thought of a proper background check completely slips his mind, and aventurine has no idea the person he saved is the queen of an entire planet

you start working as an assistant for him after that day. along the way, you two fall in love, and you both trust and depend on each other

but your past was bound to catch up to you. aventurine receives a call one day, from the very people who invaded your home planet

“you have no idea who she is, do you? trust me, she’s already someone else's wife. you should have been more careful before getting involved with Her Majesty.”

he’s a little shaken up since you’re one of the few people he trusts, and for you to lie to him like this breaks his heart. still, aventurine won’t just blindly believe the things a stranger tells him through the phone

he uses the ipc’s vast information network to dig up info and discovers the general timeline of what happened. but even then, there are quite a few missing details and he wants you to tell him the truth yourself

“did you think i wouldn’t find out?” he confronts you the moment you get home that day

“no, i would never purposefully lie to you.” “then tell me the truth.” and you do just that

he’s sad at what happened to you and angry that you didn’t tell him sooner. you had planned to move on and leave everything behind, but aventurine is determined to restore your dignity, with all the power that he holds in the IPC

BOOTHILL

he’s part of the chaos when your home planet is being taken over. coincidentally enough, the military empire that invaded is also his enemy

he finds you in the midst of it all, clothes tattered and hope lost. he assumes you were an innocent civilian who needs help and takes you under his wing, back to his base

you become his partner in crime (of sorts?) from that day on, using your intelligence and strategies to assist him whenever you can

somewhere along the way, you fall for his charm and attentiveness, and he falls for you two. your adventures together still continue, with boothill even persuading you to become a galaxy ranger yourself

you’re happy and ready to leave your past life behind. however, you can only keep your identity a secret for so long

boothill receives a cryptic call one day, thinking it’s another one of his enemies. but this time, he’s taken by surprsie

“Her Majesty is already married to the general, yet she says she loves you now? hah, that sly fox is not who you think she is.”

he thinks it’s a joke at first, but the more the thinks about it, the more he realizes he doesn’t know anything about you.

doesn’t fully believe you’re using him, but there’s obviously some things he must confirm

“apparently you’re a ‘Her Majesty’? how are you associated with these people?” it’s the first time you’ve ever seen him so serious

you have no choice but to tell him the truth. and now he’s twice as mad, considering that empire was already his enemy

you best bet boothill calls up all the galaxy rangers on an impromptu mission and they head towards your home planet within the next hour, ready to knock out an entire military empire

SUNDAY

on your journey to flee your home planet, you stumble across the astral express and are saved by the crew

you’re quickly introduced to everyone, and just like march 7th (and the rest of the crew actually) no one knows your real identity and they don’t question it either. so you become a nameless to escape your past and start a new life

you become acquainted with sunday, and over time you two have come to love each other. it’s slow and sweet, your life together traversing the stars

but your dark past has to come to light eventually. when sunday receives an anonymous call, he thinks it’s one of his enemies from penacony. but to his surprise, the target is you

“mr. sunday, the woman that you call your lover is actually the general's wife. you should leave Her Majesty before it's too late.”

sunday feels uneasy, but he’s smarter than that, and he trusts you with his whole being. so, the best course of action would just be to ask you

“what secrets have you been keeping from me, your majesty?”

you know that he knows, and there was no point in keeping your identity hidden any longer. so you tell him everything that happened.

he empathizes with you, especially after what happened on penacony, and convinces you to tell the express and ask the crew for help

the crew instantly changes their course, mapping your home planet as their next destination. sunday tightly holds your hand as the train sets out, bringing you back home

masterlist

[crimsonkingart]

Head Canon About Void, Bob and John

I already did a similar post, but this is more in-depth.

(CW for rape mention, it's very short)

I think Void is, at the same time, scared and attracted to Walker, this for various reasons, situetion and, more or less, simbols hidden in the movie

John is full of rage, he doesn't repress it, he lets it out and reacts to difficulties, John reacts immediately if he feels threatened, even when he shouldn't it.

Anger is an important emotion, fundamental for survival and psychological well-being, it helps us understand if we are hurt or in danger, but obviously it can have negative effects if not managed correctly.

(I myself had/currently have anger management problems and John is very dear to me for this.)

Bob, surely, has seen himself as weak and defenseless for a long time, and I wouldn't be surprised if he could envy John because he seems like a "real man".

(In the Watchtower scene Bob/Sentry exchanges many icy glances with John, as if they were two dogs challenging each other.)

Void, whether we want to see it as a side of Bob's personality or a second identity, might think that someone like John would never let himself be walked all over.

Not even by someone like Bob's father.

Which is what actually happens in the Void: John, when he found himself facing that shitty man, hit him.

Bob, probably, never lifted a finger to his father, too scared to do it.

Which can stimulate both fear and anger in Bob/Void. As well as attraction for someone so brave.

In the lab scene, when they are all held back with metal furniture, John is the only one stabbed in the chest.

Of course it could be coincidental, but since I like to get lost in symbols, the chest is linked to the symbolism of the heart.

The chest, as the seat of the heart, is associated with emotions and feelings, courage and strong emotions, so love, anger, fear, courage…

(Of course these emotions are also linked to the other members of the team, but here we are focused on John and Bob and rage.)

John does not stand to watch Bob falls in self-destruct, he is the second to free himself, tearing that blade from his own chest.

(In different cultures, swords, daggers, any weapon that can be used to cut or stab, is linked to the phallic or sex or rape symbolism, so in a certain sense, Void/Bob are penetrating/raping John.)

But let's go further, John chose to help Bob again, so as not to let him be consumed by that anger, because he knows how dangerous it is.

John, in fact, is the one who blocks Bob's hand, the fist for both is a way of expressing anger; John sees himself in Bob.

John leans into Bob and hugs him and, in a way, accepts his anger more than anyone else and holds him close.

(In this scene Yelena accepted his sorrow and John his anger)

The fact that Bob and John are united by anger is, for me, wonderful, because they can understand what consumed them and they can help each other to manage their hard emotions.

(The whole group can learn a lot from each other, both from negative and positive emotions.)

I think it's beautiful that John, once outside the Void, tells him "You were good in there." and Bob smile to him, and this is beautiful, because it's very sweet and sincere and he's pleased that John was so kind to him, even if he doesn't know why he receives that compliment at first.

The anger they feel for each other is gone in that moment and they can become friends. (Lovers. A girl can dream.)

A quick analys about Sentry:

Sentry seems to want to challenge John more in a sort of "I'm a real man now" thing and they challenge each other with this game of eye's touching.

As I said before, almost like two dogs challenging each other.

Sentry in my HC is more a side of Bob's personality, which takes over when he feels "in a high mood", like a sort of euphoria.

The wiki reports that it is a dissociative schizophrenia, so we can see Sentry and Void as more of the moods that Bob uses, even if unconsciously, to manage his traumas, I think.

In any case I don't perceive Sentry as just a big danger, without negative influences, maybe he could be quite stable.

But I won't risk a more in-depth analysis since it is the side of Bob that emerged less during the film.

[autistichalsin]

Tav voices ranked by their delivery of Durge lines

After watching this video I decided to rank the Tav voices from best to worst based solely on their delivery of the Durge lines. Of course, this is very subjective, so your mileage may vary. I'm also going to add my favorite line delivery of each.

In general, the slower the Tav speaks, the more I like the performance, LOL.

Tav 1 is my absolute favorite. He nails the tone of every single line- some terrifying/menacing/unhinged, some scared or confused, some vulnerable. I think my favorite line is either "I'm maiming as fast as I can!" or "A fine day for murder!" I also liked his second menacing laugh.

Tav 6 is wonderful at sheer intensity, especially her "intestines throb. Blood whispers" and "kill, kill, kill again!" lines (which are my favorites from her). The intensity lingers even in the more contemplative lines in a way that really emphasizes Durge's entire arc, I think.

Tav 5 is excellent, with a very melancholy sort of delivery that still becomes animated when he delivers some of the most unhinged lines. I love his "behold, the dance of death!" and his "into the bloody fray!" is easily the most bloodthirsty delivery of that line.

Tav 4 is one of the best at the unhinged lines, I think. I loved her "into the bloody fray!" and "I'm coming for you!" the best.

Tav 3 is good, sounding far more guttural and animalistic than a lot of the others, which works well for Durge. I liked his "I'm coming for you!" the best out of any Tav. I'd be genuinely terrified if someone yelled that at me that way.

Tav 8 has a sense of an almost anger under a lot of lines, whichf also works so well for Durge. It sounds like she's so upset/angry she doesn't know why she's having these urges, and it is wonderful. I think I love her "father, are you watching?" the best.

The biggest problem with Tav 2 is that she speaks too fast and sounds like she's reading the lines off the page without having rehearsed them at all ahead of time. That said, I did like her "still in control- just."

Tav 7 is my least favorite of the bunch. He also speaks too fast, and it sounds like Durge is tweaking on meth rather than being the child of the God of Murder. I struggled to find a line delivery I particularly liked, but his "I can do better, I must" is better than his other ones.

[unifycurlyfry]

Why do I ship Soudabuki?: A very long jumbled ramble 🎸⚙️

Well, like anyone else, I ship them because I think they’re perfect for each other.

One of my favorite things about Soudabuki is the fact they didn’t have interest in each other at first. Hell, In Kazuichi’s relationship chart Ibuki’s section says “Not interested!” And obviously, Kazuichi had his eyes so on Sonia he wouldn’t even consider anything else. They didn’t think of each other in any specific way. They had pretty little interaction in the game, so exploring their dynamic is more so taking their individual personalities and backstories and clashing them together to see how they’d interact. In my belief, soudabuki does not start thinking of each other romantically until post-canon. Hell, even platonically. I mean, they got along well enough in the game, but they weren’t “best friends.” I think as they’re grieving and processing everything post-canon, they find out that their backstories are so similar and how they process things and who they are as people go together well and they’re surprised at how well they understand each other. So they slowly start having more deep talks together, become friends, and then eveerrr so slowly these feelings crawl in; short and simple at first until it turns into a full blown, out of nowhere crush

I like the concept of Kazuichi being “uncomfortable” by Ibuki because he won’t admit it even in his own head that she is everything he wants to be.

His wary of her stems from jealousy, it so does. Because Kazuichi spent his whole life being something he’s not and constantly trying to cater to other’s beliefs of what he should be and shouldn’t be. He got picked and teased for the things he loved most, his mechanics, and his looks. He changed himself to appeal to others, not for himself. Everything he does is to be a people pleaser or prove a point to himself. He is constantly desperate to be useful and to be good. He wants to be that cool guy people like and can rely on. He gets upset and shuts himself out when something he says or does prove otherwise.

But, Ibuki doesn’t have that issue, at least not anymore. She’s her true self, and she’s proudly herself no matter what people have said about her. She says she got a lot of comments from people too, just like him, but she went about it the exact opposite way from him; instead of taking it and shelling up in herself, she became who she truly wanted to be and is unapologetically herself. She’s happy with her hair, her piercings, her music, everything some people don’t like.

And I think Kazuichi takes this as some sort of attack. It’s uncomfortable looking at what is frankly a mirror of your ideal self in someone else. She’s like him, and that makes him uncomfortable, because everything he tries to bottle, she opens up. She makes him face everything he was trying to avoid. Which is why one of my fav parts about soudabuki is Ibuki cracking open his shell, and them being their loud energetic selves together. She understands him. And he understands her. Ibuki mentions having been in a band that was not her style and so she left. They didn’t understand the music she wanted to do.

I think this was mentioned somewhere too that I cannot exactly remember, but people were kind of scared of her. She’s flashy and loud. She makes music people deem as “scary.” Ibuki, in her own way, is also an outcast. They find comfort in being “outcasts” together. Their backstories are so similar in that sense, of changing your looks and who you are because people didn’t accept you. They’d make each other less scared of the confusing aspect of change. Ibuki, despite being her loud extrovert self, is so desperate for people to like her; like what she does. If you click on her cabin after her death, it is a jumbled mess of saying something along the lines of ���please just listen to one song!” They’re SO similar it drives me nuts. Them figuring that fact out is so. God. I think once Kazuichi starts to understand Ibuki better, and the fact she is like him, he takes more of a liking to her music or at least supports it. Let’s be real, the entire cast of SDR2 apart from Hiyoko was a little rude to her and her passion, lmfao.

Ibuki’s there every step of the way as Kazuichi figures himself out and is so overwhelmingly supportive, that he’s a little less scared every step. She supports him as he wants to bring elements of his “nerdy look back.” She supports him as he wants to get more piercings. She supports him as he starts to get more confident. And vice versa. He supports her as she’s questioning what type of music she wants to do, he supports her as she’s becoming more comfortable in not being so happy and energetic all the time, he supports her in all her different styles.

While this is relatable to many of the characters in the cast, I do think of a deep conversation between them both about remembering being remnants and using what they love most for awful doings. Kazuichi finally fulfilled his dream of building a rocket, but it was used to kill. Ibuki finally fulfilled her dream of playing music on stage to a huge crowd of people, but it was used for despair. I’ve thought of them gently holding hands and Kazuichi chuckles crudely, mumbling something about “We’re both terrible people finding comfort in our own terribleness, huh?” And they laugh, despite it all. It’s a melancholic laugh.

Before anything, they are best friends. They become really good friends before thinking of romance. I’ve often described them as “Best friends who kiss.” Moving on to how they’d act as a couple, their love languages match so well.

Kaz likes receiving physical affection and words of affirmation the most. His least favorite is acts of service.Ibuki likes receiving quality time and physical affection the most. Her least favorite is words of affirmation.

Ibuki is a very physically affectionate person. She's always latching onto Kaz and touching him in some sort of way even if it’s just tapping him on the arm repeatedly as a fidget thing, grabbing his cheeks and peppering him in kisses and sudden hugs and holding his hand while bouncing up and down. Plus cuddling is one of her favorite things ever. Even just to friends she’s always touching them.

She’s a big believer in quality time. I believe their relationship is very lax, as in they don’t get upset when they’re spending more time with the others than each other for a couple of days; Kaz and Ibuki likes to run off and do whatever separately a lot, but the moments where they’re spending time together just the two of them laughing their lungs out or having deep talks or doing shenanigans all mean a lot to her, or rather to both of them. Laughing is also her love language. She’s giggling in every situation and her giggles are almost just her saying “I love you.”

She also feeds off the feeling of Kaz being in love with her if that makes any sense; like the feeling of him being flustered and happy and blushy rubs off on her. Hence why, for example, she sexually pleasures Kaz more than the vice versa, and why she’s perfectly okay and loves being the one that guides them in stages of their relationship most of the time. Individuality is like her entire thing and I think that she doesn’t feel any loss of her individuality paired with Kaz.

Kazuichi really likes giving gifts. Hell, making things is his whole thing. Ibuki does not show her love with gifts and is a terrible gift giver, but boy does Kaz express lots of love by gifts and she loves every single one of them. I think she’s one of those people who puts extreme sentimental value on everything, and so every ring he has made her is kept pristinely clean and organized and the purple flower he spotted and held up to her hair and said “it matches your hair” is long since dead yet still in her drawer. She loves everything she gets and never takes it for granted or throws it to the side.

Kazuichi is someone that needs a lot of reassurance. He’d be that meme where it’s like waking up the partner in the middle of the night and going “do you like like me?” and the partner responds back with “we’ve been dating for five years,” haha. He needs someone who is not annoyed by that fact, and I cannot see Ibuki ever getting annoyed or off-put by it. She is more than happy to give it to him. So while he refuses it, words of affirmation are important to keep Kaz knowing he’s loved. He gets blushy and embarrassed, but so so giddy. On the other hand, if Kaz ever tried to say some of the things Ibuki says to him, she’d fake a gag and/or laugh in his face. To say she never enjoys a little sap though sometimes would be a lie.

They’re a very physical affectionate couple and they both thrive off of it. Ibuki jumping on him and peppering his skin in kisses all over, holding hands, cuddling every night, having sexual intimacy fairly often, their knees touching as they’re sitting, a hand on a shoulder, etc. Ibuki is a loud and proud “toucher” and Kazuichi is a flustered mess “toucher,” but gets more used to it and confident over time. He went from never wanting to engage in PDA to liking it.

“Acts of service” is not too relevant in their relationship. Kazuichi mostly doesn’t care to receive it, as he’s pretty stingy on who touches the things he is working on and gets extremely in the zone when he is working. Ibuki doesn’t have many things he could even service her towards besides always being willing to fix a speaker or guitar. They both are… kind of slobs. If it weren’t for TeruTeru, they’d be eating junk food always and if it weren’t for others on the island their cabins would be a mess. An organized mess, but a mess.

I think they’d have a lot of fun together. While the other members of the cast would need to take some convincing to whatever shenanigan they want to pull that day, they would jump on it right away with each other. It often leads to cartoonish disasters. It would be funny for other people in the cast to be like “Oh my god what are Kazuichi and Ibuki doing today.”

There is so much laughing between the two. So, so much. Laughing is their main love language. Stupid jokes, playing pranks, laughing over stupid faces or over nothing. Ibuki finds Kazuichi very entertaining, especially. She teases him and plays with him all out of love. At first, Kazuichi took some offense to her giggling all the time in certain scenarios, but once he understood that was the way she showed love, he loved it and understood it.

They pick up so many new hobbies together. Kazuichi makes Ibuki a motorcycle, and she loves it and forces Kazuichi to ride it with her, but unfortunately his motion sickness makes it not a very good experience. As a solution, Kazucihi makes them skateboards. And they have so much fun with failing and trying new tricks and riding around. They would try anything and everything. Kazuichi picks up art, and Ibuki does it with him despite being terrible and not really having the drive to get actually good at it. But creating little characters together heals their inner children. I think Kazuichi actually became the tattoo artist and piercer of the island. He has a very steady hand due to his mechanic work and he already had some art skill building blueprints, so it’s not a far-fetched hobby for him. Ibuki gets so many tattoos and piercings by him.

They’re both, uh, a little perverted. They were bonding over their lustful thoughts and comments over the girls in bikinis in that one scene. I’ve always said Ibuki is more perverted than him, just not shown quite as much since she didn’t have someone she had her eyes on in the game. So in that sense, they’re perfect for each other because I think anyone else would not… appreciate such comments as much or like it as much. Don’t get me wrong, I think Kazuichi “fixes” himself post-canon, understanding that the things he said to Sonia and that whole obsession was wrong. Like said before, he just wants to be a good guy, and I think understanding that he was being a creep would lowkey devastate him and he’d obviously stop. But still. They’re two horny people put together.

This is a more silly reason, but I’ve tended to not ship Kazuichi as much with men just because I think being with a woman is… good for him? Lmfao? That sounds silly but I wouldn’t want to put him with a man as a solution to his accidental-misogynistic comments. Not to say Ibuki “fixes” that aspect of him because she doesn’t, it’s a thing he has to improve on his own. Also I like soudam and sounidai, so It’s not like I’m against that at all.

They both find each other attractive. Ibuki starts to notice the little crinkle in his nose when he snorts/laughs (which she loves the sound of), the ponytail he puts in more post-canon is something she’s into on him, she canonically likes the look of him in his cute glasses, he has a perfect amount of muscles in his arms, his firm torso, his big hands. Once Kazuichi starts seeing Ibuki in a romantic light, he doesn’t know how he didn’t notice how drop dead gorgeous she was. It makes him breathless. Her short hair post-canon is cute on her, her whole face expresses her joy and it’s so pretty, her skin is soft, her outfits are awesome, the different dyes in her hair are sick and admirable, and her eyes are big and colorful. Her body is perfect. Often, Ibuki gets cuteness aggression from him at random times, and she just needs to jump on him and give him so much love. Normally when Kazuichi gets those random moments of “cuteness aggression” (more just being stunned by her beauty and her everything) he just stands there mouth agape.

Kazuichi is not the best at comforting, but it’s perfect for Ibuki. Post-canon, she has more quiet sad days. The last thing she needs is advice, or therapy talk, or pity. She just needs someone there. And Kazuichi being pretty bad with words is in fact a blessing in this case. He holds her and cracks lame jokes that make her giggle through her sniffling. He calms her down by rubbing her back or arm. He allows her to use his tank top as a tissue. In Kazuichi’s case, Ibuki sweet talks him when he’s all weepy and upset. Kazuichi feels comfortable expressing his complete vulnerability to her and Ibuki gives him little head kisses as she softly “baby talks” him or just sweetly says things that make him happy. Again, if Kazuichi did this to her, she’d hate it, but Ibuki loves doing it to Kazuichi. There’s no embarrassment in it. She says very mushy gross things and she makes him know not to be embarrassed of needing it.

I think there is this thought that Ibuki would find anything romance cringy and unenjoyable when I don’t believe that to be the case. I think they’d have a lot of fun figuring out what they could do for dates around the island, she likes being gently woke up in the morning with arms around her and kisses on her shoulder with mumblings about how she is beautiful, she likes kissing and cuddling (a lot), the little metal flowers Kazuichi makes for her makes her smile when she walks past them. She would however hate the stuff like, candlelight dinner or rose petals on the bed. Thankfully, Kazuichi wouldn’t enjoy that stuff so much either.

I talk a lot about Kazuichi being all nervous and shy but Ibuki has those rare moments too. His compliments normally go “your hair is cool” with her responding, “hell yeah it is!!” and “your new tattoo is sweet” “i know right?!!” but ever so often he says something like “your smile makes me so happy…” with so much sincerity and affection in his voice and eyes that Ibuki’s face becomes pink and she lifts the two front strands of her hair to her face as she looks to the side and giggles and squeals. And when Kazuichi either 1. points it out shyly 2. jokingly makes fun of her for it it just makes her redder as she hides in her hair and keeps giggling and kicking her feet.

I said this before, but they’re still their individual selves with each other and that makes especially Ibuki thrive. If Ibuki felt like she was losing herself in a relationship she’d be out of there ASAP.

Ibuki refuses to let Kazuichi shut himself out. Which was annoying to him, at first. Whenever Kazuichi gets upset he tends to just completely walk away from the conversation and go hole himself in his cabin as shown in the game multiple times, which isn’t good for him. He can’t keep running. He needs to express what makes him upset and why. He needs to let himself get close to people. Ibuki is always there. She makes him open up whether he likes it or not. He becomes less annoyed by this and realizes how much she has helped. I like that in the Kazuichi manga, Ibuki is the one to knock on his door and check up on him multiple times. Kazuichi shooed her away mostly. He’s stupid.

Kazuichi becomes a drummer which makes Ibuki ecstatic. He was averse to it at first, but when he tried it, it was like something awakened in him and he understood. He gets into it pretty quickly. And once he decides he wants to get good at something, he will not stop. He is constantly on those things for a couple weeks; Ibuki having to pull him by the ear to get him to sleep. She gets it though, because Kazuichi has had to be the one to pull her ear on multiple occasions when she gets lost in her music or skating or anything else. He releases all his pent up anger on those things and I think that makes him understand her loud music a whole lot better to the point of enjoyment towards it. They have a lot of fun cooking up whatever in that studio. He builds her a good music station, by the way.

Speaking of having fun together, I think they both teach each other how to have fun when there is no point in it. As in, Ibuki wants to show people her music. Kazuichi has always built things solely for other people. When they’re on this island, aside from Kazuichi’s work, there is no point in doing the things they do. They have to re-learn to love what they already did. And they do so together. Kazuichi learns how to have fun without the basis that he’s fixing something for someone. Ibuki learns how to have fun without the basis of showing other people. They do it because they love it and only because they love it. I mean, I do believe that after a few years, a lot of the cast does work for Future Foundation and they have to go to the mainland for various missions though.

Their relationship is not one of jealousy. I think the entire cast has a bond that toes the line between what platonic and romantic means, so being jealous would be stupid. Kazuichi gets a bit more jealous than her in a situation where a Future Foundation member flirts with her, but other than that on the island, their relationship is chill. They can go days of not having time just for the two of them and not be phased. They love their best friends. They cuddle and sometimes kiss their best friends. I’ve joked before that soudabuki is a dynamic where they both understand they have small baby crushes on other people and tease each other about it. Kazuichi being all giddy and excited to hang out with Hajime and Ibuki teasing him like a first grader about it. Ibuki outwardly says she'd jump Peko’s bones if she had the chance. They get it and it’s mutual, lmfao.

I won’t go into detail here but their sex is very understanding and comfortable and vulnerable. And also very silly. The things they say during it are very cringy to anyone else. It’s fun.

I like imagining cute scenarios with them. Them making out behind the beach house, fighting over the blanket in bed, cuddling and snoozing together, falling asleep in the bath together, giggling in the shower, doing their random hobbies together, pulling pranks on their friends, Kazuichi picking her up and her squealing. Many, many others.

And of course, they have the dynamic of “girlboss x flustered guy who’s madly in love with her,” but I tend to stray away from describing them as such cause it makes their dynamic feel so surface level when it is not (I just spent 6 pages rambling why they’re good together so, LMfao.) But it is true. I like Kazuichi being like a dog and following her around like a lost puppy. His face becomes so red as she teases him and calls him cute. He’s scared to touch her and gets so flustered and embarrassed. Ibuki finds it entertaining and charming.

The way I think they get together is cute. It doesn’t involve an actual confession. They were on the beach, doing various things like making sand castles and splashing and running around and eventually they collapsed on the sand laughing and Ibuki was laying on his chest. The giggling dies down and the air just gets tense, and they’re looking at each other, and then they’re softly kissing. Their teeth clack a bit due to Ibuki smiling so brightly, but it was a sweet kiss. Once they part after 2 or 3 more kisses, Ibuki starts giggling again and lays her head on his chest whilst Kazuichi is looking at the sky completely awestruck. They don’t address it because Ibuki kissed him as if it was the most natural thing ever that they have been doing for a while, and Kazuichi can barely get sleep because the kiss keeps coming up in his mind and he stuffs his face into his pillow, face red and his heart going crazy. He eventually cannot take it anymore and goes on a huge sudden ramble when they were hanging out in her cabin, like, “So, what are we? I-I mean, like, you know. Um. We kissed. Which was okay! Good, even, I liked it! Um… but do you, do you l-like me? Ah… I don’t know….” and Ibuki has to shut him up as she tilts her head and is like “I thought we were dating?” and Kazuichi just has to process that and he blinks at her. They start fighting over the fact that this was never a thing that was established and they’re both blushing (more on Kazuichi’s side, he’s a flustered mess in this moment) and they keep going back and forth bickering about this until it just gets funny and they solidify what their relationship is there.

Plus, Ibuki had been so obviously in love with him and expressing that loudly long before that moment, he is just oblivious. She would run up and wrap her arms around his shoulders tightly and squeal “I love Kazu-chan!” and snuggle into his neck and he just thought it was her being her. In his defense, she is a very loud lover to everybody. It is hard to differentiate it.

They piss each other off a lot, lovingly. It’s one of my favorite aspects about them. They’re both very competitive people so playing something like Mario Kart with them is a loud debacle. Ibuki pisses him off on purpose by small things like flicking his nose to see his reaction. They get into long stupid talks about a hypothetical question and fight over it for like two hours. If you know what the “if your leg gets cut off” meme is, that is exactly how they talk to each other. They share a brain cell and that is love.

In conclusion Kazuichi and Ibuki are in love and they kiss each other and have a very fun time. They’re so perfect for each other that it surprises me they’re a rarer pair honestly! I don’t mind though, shipping a rarepair is super fun. It makes getting content with them and getting people to like them so much more exciting. All I wish is to spread the amount of joy soudabuki gives me on the daily. Shipping them is so fun because they’re so stupid. They’re a very silly pairing.

Also, while I enjoy other ships with them, they are my main pairing. I’m not a big poly shipper in my post-canon, and so like, the others are either taken or not my favorite. Hajime is with Nagito, Peko is with Fuyuhiko, Sonia is with Gundham. Bandaid is a cute ship and I enjoy the content of it but it never really latched onto me. Sounidai is super cute too but again doesn’t connect with me on a super personal level. And again, my post-canon cast is all basically one big queer platonic relationship, so people being in a relationship is not this huge divide between platonic and romantic.

thank you for reading!! 💜💚

[ablogofloveandtrash]

Ok but...

Are we not going to talk about how affected Damon can get when it comes to acceptance and validation? All throughout the segment where Damon had to choose to take back his accusation on Diana with logic or emotions, that throughout the entire thing, the main takeaway was how Diana's actions towards him got to him. The Pathos route shows his internal conflict more but even if the player goes with the logos route, the game still finds a way to show that Damon's emotions do affect him and his judgement. When he sees Diana and hears her cry, his empathic side comes out and part of him begins to feel conflicted on his initial accusation. The others are scared, frightened or angry at Diana, but in the midst of the chaos, Damon begins to feel for Diana. He seems to be aware that Diana was the cause of his inner turmoil yet is unsure of the reason.

Currently I think part of the reason may be simple. It's that Damon has known and felt Diana's kindness before the trial. For in the brief moments they spoke in Daily Life, Damon quietly takes in his thoughts when Diana gave him and Eva the benefit of the doubt. At this point, Damon was probably going on the assumption that the others, especially Wolfgang were not going to be welcoming to him, especially after no one seemed to initially accept his words and mostly deemed that Damon just thought he was 'better' than everyone else. So seeing that Diana still wants to include the two that were casted out and isolated from the rest, Damon adheres to it. To some extent it almost seemed like he is rather drawn to this kindness on a subconscious level. As though he is rather unused to how Diana acts around him, with the way she playfully flirts with him in the first free time event. As he seems speechless whenever Diana expresses joy or excitement even for the little things, when she asks him a few questions in both free time events. Damon clearly has not spoken to many others around him and his lack of sociability is present. But it also shows how sensitive and reactive he is in the situations he is in with Diana involved.

Screen shot below shows his visible reaction to Diana's. He just said 'Sure, I guess.' Provided how excited she looked it makes relative sense that Damon didn't expect someone to find so much delight in his response. But despite how much Damon tries to not express himself as much as Diana does, as he tries to act calm and cool, he does quite the opposite. Reacting to when Diana jokes that Damon could work on his tie. Provoking a reaction out of him. Parts of it even dives on what I could guess as a lack of self esteem for Damon. Because even though he's a loner and doesn't quite wear his heart on his sleeve, he finished the first event feeling overwhelmed. I believe this is due out of him not being used to such flattering company that he didn't quite know how to process it. And provided the way he said it, does seem to establish that Damon at his core really shows that he is lonely and has a sense of self loathing.

Damon almost seems to take in those words like it's some sort of mockery towards him. Like as if, he views self-help as a pointless thing that serves to make fun of him. It rather makes me pity Damon when I saw this. Yet even though he felt exhausted, he seems to feel flattered and touched by her attempts to comfort him. Something he continues to process to the next free time event, when he confronts her on her attempts to please and flatter him. And because of his curiosity and lack of knowledge around kindness, he always finds himself thinking about it. Becoming drawn to it, like something in him deeply yearns for. But his mind fights Damon on it, as he is caught up in the killing game. Because in the game, becoming too trusting with others could make him an easy target. He is suspicious of her behaviour in the second event and even into the night before the first body discovery.

Because as much Damon deep inside wants to be cared for and accepted, he still cannot fully trust her kindness. Yet he is still left thinking about it, as he ignored Tozu's announcements and lets his thoughts stew until he returned to Kai's dorm. This was the last major interaction between him and Diana, up until the trial. And as we circle back to the trial, that is where we see Damon's feelings come to light. before the non-stop debate Damon becomes conflicted about his logic and his feelings. Though he has yet to fully know and trust Diana, a part of him didn't seem to want to give up the sliver of kindness that he's finally recieving. In a game of uncertainty, fear and death. Diana's kindness almost feels like a shelter in Damon's heart. He doesn't want to lose hold of it, nor does he want to be met with the disappointment that Diana could have actually killed Wolfgang. From the way he reacts in the moment, it almost seems like Damon had emotionally craved for something like Diana's unconditional kindness. Even when suspicion was still on Diana, Damon seemed restless about the accusation until he can fully assure that Diana was innocent and that she did not commit the murder. Even after suspicion on Diana starts to clear, that Damon remains vigilant. He isn't as quick to jump to a culprit but he internally reminds himself that while Diana could have thrown the car battery, later into the trial, that it is only a possibility as of now. It is not the truth as of yet.

It's almost certain that Damon has grown attached to Diana, or the kindness she offers him outside of the trial. Perhaps it is from being deliberately isolated is what causes him to become drawn to her. Her concern and affection. For even if it was or wasn't genuine, Damon desperately craved it. These thoughts persist, regardless if you played logos and pathos. But subtly hints more on Damon's emotions if the logos route is played. Yet either way, he recognizes that it's because of Diana, Damon's judgement was affected by her. She's already left an impact on him that he doesn't fully comprehend.

He goes hard on himself for caring so much about how Diana felt, and how much her feelings affects him, that the pathos route doubles down on. His attraction is something he seems to be attempting to push away, even though it is unlikely that his attraction won't go away for the time being. Even if the future may look grim, and that Diana has plans to follow in Wolfgang's footsteps, it's not going to deter Damon from having such profound feelings and attachment. It really makes any possible interactions all the more intriguing with their opposing personalities and views. Yet the two could grow closer in ways we've yet to expect. As with Damon is now left raw and vulnerable from his losses at the end of the chapter, he's even more at the mercy of his emotions rather than not. More so with the way Diana is making him feel. She sees the good in others and because of her influence slowly brings out the good in Damon. Even if he's unsure of it, or ready to acknowledge it, she too could help Damon change for the better. Perhaps if she became a rival, it is to challenge his character and his heart. It's an intriguing take to the rival role if the game goes in that direction.

[writingmeraki]

take me back — c.sc ft k.mg (TEASER)

❝ in which with some people you meet, you learn they are better off as memories.

( or growing up you thought the one who you considered your dearest would stick with you till the end of time but turns out life doesn't work that way and along the way, you find solace in the least expected of places and people perhaps. )

pairings : seungcheol x reader, mingyu x reader, best friend seungcheol, enemy mingyu. genre : angst, romance, bits of humour, fluff, coming of age. warnings : mentions of alcohol and getting drunk, cusses, lots of relation issues, people are mean too,crisis (plenty) about life and all its ugly ( as well as good) points, lots of cameos from svt members and my loml @etherealyoungk :) inspired by — the night we met by lord huron. a/n at end, pls do read <3

w.c : 1.1k for the teaser | estimated 15-20k for final. | note : in "[__]" are the ages !

❝ I HAD ALL — seven to fifteen.

[ begin : seven ]

You knew it was always a wonder how you'd end up becoming friends with him. Even though he was your age, same class, similarly missing teeth, unruly hair, and curiosity that would annoy impatient adults (those who had a longing for their now gone childhood) about how you wanted to know everything about the humongous world and all its tidbits.

Choi Seungcheol. The dimple, wide eyed boy who you found a little suspicious the first time you saw him. He looked a little too happy for someone sitting in the math class early in the morning. Or maybe it was just you who disliked the subject hence you were not as happy as usual having to study it first thing in the morning.

Then again, he was a new student too. After the class ended, everyone seemed to be enticed with him and rushed forward to be his friend, perhaps best friend too.

You were too focused on packing your bag, making sure not to forget your favorite purple pen that you didn’t see who stood in front of you.

“Hi!” Startled, you dropped it on the floor and frowned as it rolled beneath the desk. Annoyed, you looked up at the person, eyes narrowing more once you saw who it was.

“You scared me.” When his smile dimmed down, so did his dimples disappear and he sort of looked like your grandma’s puppy when he would get scolded which made you feel bad for him, in this situation, you felt bad.

“Sorry I didn't mean to, I just wanted to ask if we could be friends.” He murmured to you as he bent down to pick up your pen and handed it to you. “Here. Oh, pretty color!”

Surprised at his words and even more at his compliment, you couldn’t help but grin back at him and nodded, “Isn’t it?! I have more like this and the red is even prettier with sparkles!”

“Woah, red is my favorite color!”

“Mine too along with purple of course!”

You gasped as your eyes widened, all feelings that may have arised of annoyance disappeared.

“What’s your name?”

You said your name, the grin on your face not leaving.

“Can we-can we be friends then? I don’t know anyone except you now.”

And with a nod, you raised your hand for a handshake,

“Okay, new friend.”

Both of you giggled as you shook hands and that day, you went home with a new friend to introduce to your dad.

[ intermission : fifteen. ]

Seungcheol became captain of the boys soccer team and you honestly couldn’t be more proud of him. You were someone who knew about his love for soccer since the very first day and even were someone to help him practice at times so it was no surprise to you he’d become the captain.

But with this newfound title, also came the new friends. Friends you did not expect but you couldn’t say you didn’t like them.

Joshua was sweet actually, as sweet as a fifteen year old boy can be. Probably the nicest out of the whole bunch. Jeonghan was annoying but nonetheless he knew when to shut up if it got too much. Vernon and Soonyoung were petty and pesky and you think one of these days you might just ‘accidentally’ put green dye in their shampoos. The worst was surprisingly not these two but Mingyu. He downright had a distaste and was always clear about it.

And one thing your father thought you was to treat people the way they treat you, so if he was going to be a bitch to you, you’d be a bigger one. He played the part of being a dog almost too well, his floppy hair and puppy eyes at times convinced you he was likely one in his past life. Too bad he also carried the personality of one to this lifetime.

But still, Seungcheol was your best friend. The others, well they were your friends ( you doubted that with Mingyu) but not the type to just greet you, you guys hung out and had fun, except when Mingyu picked fights with you, but it was still fun.

Does knowing someone longer in your life automatically make them of more importance than someone who comes later?

Perhaps it was why you were not able to declare anyone else your best friend because indeed you knew him the longest.

“Okay cut it off you two.” There he finally came, arm over your shoulder and he looked between his two best friends fighting.

Your arms were crossed as you continued to glare at the boy in front of you. He decided to pick a fight and while you were trying not to lose your patience.

You looked up at Seungcheol and he was smiling at you, shaking his head lightly.

“Why are you both always at each other's neck?”

“You mean why is Mingyu so obsessed with me that he can't help but intervene in every thing I do?”

You smirked and blinked innocently, turning to look at Mingyu whose face twitched in annoyance as he rolled his eyes and pushed back his hair.

“Yeah right as if anyone would even want to keep up with you.”

“Mm but see Cheol has…for almost eight years now.”

You mocked him, childishly poking your tongue out. He glared at you, ready to retort as fast as you finished the sentence.

“Again? Knock it out, come on.” Seungcheol cut him off before another screaming match would happen. You truly wondered how the heck did he even become friends with that.

He came after you, he became friends just because of a sport and somehow he was a good friend, dare you say a best friend of his.

Maybe you were petty for feeling like that but you couldn't help it.

You knew him longer. Mingyu came afterwards.

“You two are my best friends, it's sad to see you not get along well.”

You paused. Stopping in your tracks and then you realized that you'd both been walking already with Mingyu trailing along.

Best friend…friends?

“What's wrong?” Seungcheol asked concerned as you blinked up at him as if you'd heard wrong and he looked at you in confusion wondering if he said something wrong.

You pretended to ignore the faint murmur of the word everything falling out from the boy who was beside Seungcheol.

“It's getting late…I should uh…go, Dad will get worried.”

It was as though those three words seemed to affect you. Maybe you were being overdramatic.

But, all the years you made friends, you only declared one of them your best friend. A title you thought was supposed to be reserved for one person.

You learnt that, perhaps knowing someone longer did not mean they would hold more importance than those who came after.

They would hold the same. Or less.

And maybe, that title itself did not have to be held for one person, having more than one didn't seem all too bad…right?

perm. taglist ( open ! ) : @mansaaay ; @gyuguys ; @toplinehyunjin ; @cherrylovescheol

( if you want to be added for this specific fic, just send an ask/reply to this !)

a/n : thank you to my biggest motivator @etherealyoungk for helping me and motivating me to write. i love you so much. and yes this is my comeback fic HAHAHA, i decided if we're gonna be back, might as well be something huge!! this fic means a lot to me and by releasing this teaser i'm hoping it gives me the motivation to fully finish this. i promise u it will get so much better :") i just dk how teasers work im so sorry :") looking forward to writing again and i truly missed you all. mwah <3

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

writingmeraki Ⓒ 2025

feedback is always appreciated 💌

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[tenjikufag]

can i request top denji x bottom amab reader? :3

Never Better.

Denji x Male Reader

-headcanons, Drabble (not concise oneshot), nsfw, sub!top Denji, dom!bott Reader, older reader (few years), male anatomy mentions, fluff, smut

-I decided on a whim to combine these both, sorry if these were from two different anons!

Denji, notoriously known for liking women etc etc but how would he be in a relationship with someone older, let alone a guy?

-he’s nervous and worried about most sorts of intimacy. Never having quite the proper introduction or any good experiences with it, without a shadow of a doubt he has no clue how to progress in a relationship.

-patience. Patience, love, care, understanding is what is needed by him to feel comfortable in pursuing any form of relationship.

-You being older wasn’t a deterrent for him, especially to his inner selfishness, you were a stable and established person. Trustworthy, could take care of him, and you knew more about this crazy world that surrounded him and acted as a caring guide. Holding his hand through all the triumphs and defeats he’s experienced and will continue to experience.

With that being said, he is adamant about not being the one ‘taking it’- but he also has no idea what giving entails. His knowledge goes as far as what he’s read or seen in porn magazines or heard of in movies and shows.

He isn’t stupid, he isn’t naive, he’s just confused is all. Too worried to hurt you, too scared to hurt himself, he’s just a guy that needs a lot of reassurance and guidance.

Being in a relationship means he’s found a form of stability in you. Being his rock and saving grace from the chaos in his day to day is a big task and he knows it- being there for him to hug and kiss is more than he could’ve ever envisioned for himself. Someone that cares, a person he can fall back on in moments where it’s all too much.. ruining it with being bad in bed is a waking nightmare for him, he’s heard all the stories of perfect relationships crumbling away because of it.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to push you.”

His heart would feel like it stopped beating. Seeing you above him and ready to take the plunge in becoming one with him is immensely emotional to him- which is big. He’d only recently really grasped what it meant to have some form of pleasant bonding with others and while you were part of his life years down the line.. romance and genuine love for him was new.

You wanted to let him have a choice. Let him be vocal in what he wanted. When he was able to vocalize wanting to have sex with you that was when you melted the boundaries he had built up for his own protection.

He knew with you being a bit older that you’d obviously been with other people but they couldn’t have been given this level of care right? Not something he could dwell on while you bounced on him- his own whines and whimpers under the new sensations fogging his mind that wasn’t ever really clear.

Until he met you.

When he’s with you, he felt clarity.

He could be gentle, he could truly want and need, and he knew they would be fulfilled one way or another.

—

You held him close, he was whimpering with tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. New love bites marking his collarbone and shoulder.

Praising him every step of the way, your hands undid his belt and pants before taking his member into your hand- gently pumping it, watching his face contort into needy satisfaction.

“You’re doing so well Denji, good boy.”

He nodded, laying back and letting you take care of him. You told him what you were doing, what you were going to do, and how it was going to be done. Allowing him to put a stop at any point, making sure he knew what was going on and keeping check to see if he liked it.

And he loved it.

Your warm hands enveloped him perfectly, letting out a satisfied groan when you licked up his shaft and kissed at his oozing tip.

It wasn’t long until you hovered above him, already prepped for him.

“Ready?”

He nodded, weak hands going to your waist and gripping the soft flesh of your hips.

Aligning his dick to your ass, you slowly slid onto him- filling yourself out nicely and letting him bottom out inside of you.

With his inexperience, he was all too sensitive and easy to unload. He wanted to learn to last longer and have some form of control over his body.

You’d teach him that.

Waiting patiently for his blush to subside and his muscles to relax, you gently rocked your hips and kissed his lips. Eagerly, he returned the kiss with light moans and pants at the tiny bit of friction from your rocking hips.

Nights like these would last anywhere from an hour to all night. It was full of love and care, learning to love each-other in a patient way.

—

Dates.

He was shy, you didn’t push him all too much but he wanted to be seen with you and know he had a claim on you.

His sweaty hand clasped with yours, the two of you set out into town for some shopping and food.

Denji always felt bad for being so broke, in the earlier days of talking with you he took whatever you wanted to give him- knowing it wouldn’t break your bank or really be money you missed- but with him getting serious with you he wanted to be more mindful of your spending. Deeming his little expenses to be too much, but you wanted to give him the simple spoils regardless of how often he whined about such frivolous acts.

You were older than him and he didn’t want to be seen as a brat, a gold digger, or a child needing to be cared for. He was your boyfriend, hopefully a life partner at this point, so he wanted to be viewed as such.

Even if the gap wasn’t that large, the states in life that the two of you were in were almost like separate worlds. Sure, you’d excelled a lot sooner than he even found his footing and he was by all means quite behind others his age.. he still wanted to feel like he contributed something..

You reassured him that he did enough. That he was enough. Not wanting more than him to succeed in what he wished, for him to be okay in his own skin, and to be by his side was all you asked of him. You knew of his circumstances and where he came from, long talks he had and confided in you his internal feelings, how he dealt with what had happened to him.. as much as he felt like a burden he knew that you never viewed him as such.

You loved him,

He could only wish to give you as much as you gave to him. Make you as happy as you made him. He wanted to be enough.

[inseparabiles]

#(other thought: do you think Cara really realized whats happening?) via @sherryholmes

Lads, we're about to find out what the text post limit for Tumblr is, because this is the longest post I've ever made here. Unfortunately it's also a post I've been procrastinating on for days, and turns out, for a good reason. Every part of this was awful. Trigger warning for literally everything but mostly for child abuse and exploration of chronic trauma.

In regards to Caracalla's mental state in this scene and forwards, there's at least three different perspectives that come into play at once, and of the main two (trauma/dissociation and the complications from his syphilis) neither is inherently more important than the next. Both of his issues affect each other as well as the way he perceives his reality, and to get to how much he's really keeping up with things at the end here evidently required half a day's worth of analysis into the whole of the timeline for this scene, but also Caracalla's past from - and I wish I was kidding - birth onwards. But to start someplace that makes sense, we'll go back just a bit from this scene: specifically, to the night before any of this takes place.

While it's obvious that Caracalla's mental state is taking a turn for the worse throughout the film, it's after the discovery of Acacius's plot that he starts looking really rough. The same can be said for Geta, who, dealing with his own issues in the aftermath, has rather suddenly stopped being a singular, solid, reliable foundation for Caracalla to ground upon. In general, Geta's attention (trust, affection) has been steadily turning for Macrinus, who is offering him everything that Caracalla can't: guidance, someone to lean on, a sort of a fatherly affection that he's been missing his whole life.

In the aftermath of Acacius's execution, each of the twins is looking for something from the other that isn't available: Caracalla for Geta's usual ability to reason them out of any trouble and come up with solutions for their safety, Geta for Caracalla to show one inkling of responsibility to help him or at the very least stop attacking him when he already knows he fucked up and it scares him, and with some of Macrinus's gentle guidance, their stressed-out bickering turns to... a very modest, but still significant, physical assault when Geta - aiming to silence Dondus with a splash of water - spills it over his brother instead. As I wrote earlier, this breaks things between them. And this right here is significantly destabilising for Caracalla in specific.

As others have already pointed out, Caracalla's reaction to his brother's outburst (it was you, Geta, not him) is primarily dissociative. He freezes first: the freeze reaction is part of the fight/flight/freeze/fawn quad of primitive reactions to a perceived threat, where when faced with danger to one's immediate physical safety, a person "freezes" in place to minimise the attention they draw to themselves. This reaction is most commonly portrayed and observed in animals, as in people, depictions tend to focus on fight/flight the most. "Deer in the headlights" is a typical metaphor used to refer to a freeze state: that shocked stillness in a person who doesn't know what to do. But a freeze response doesn't inherently express fear: it can be very quiet, and very empty.

The freeze response is inherently a dissociative state. Because the mind perceives the situation inescapable, the person becomes still and silent in the hopes of becoming invisible. On the surface this doesn't make sense in a survival state, because doing this in a situation where you're very much not going to blend into your environment will likely only expose you to more harm than in any way protect you from it - but to understand it, it's important to note that this is the primary response to immediate physical danger found in children.

In comparison to an adult, who has other means of defending themselves, a child will in most cases be incapable of direct self-defense (fight) and they will be too slow to escape danger (flight), so their best bet is to stay very still and hope somebody else intervenes (freeze). A child who is not saved but is then attacked may enter a further dissociative state, where, if they cannot save their physical self, then they can at least save their mental self - they will lock up, and "go somewhere else" in their heads. This is relevant for context, for understanding what the hell this boy is thinking in general, but for now,

what Caracalla does in this situation is just to the left of that. He leaves the room at Macrinus's suggestion, who's read his state quite accurately: he suggests, in a very paternal way, that maybe Caracalla should take Dondus and go look after him someplace else. Go calm each other down. Re-establish safety. This would be great advice coming from literally anybody but Macrinus, because the appropriate response to a freeze/dissociative state is grounding, but, alas, it is Macrinus who says that.

Macrinus, who instead of being a nice person and telling Geta next to do the same and then go fix what he broke, uses this opportunity to go fan the flames. I hate this man, have I mentioned this anywhere before? I hate him so much for what he does to these two.

(I'm keeping myself grounded by looking for illustrations here, and I need you all to know that my screenshot folders have over 4 000 pictures in them. 98% of these pictures are just of Geta and Caracalla with some left Marcus Acacius on the side for spice. I'm normal. Anyway,)

Upon leaving the room, Macrinus easily locates Caracalla again: in a logical continuum in terms of tracking his mental state, he's found here hiding under a table. In essence, after a brief burst of the flight response, he's just moved elsewhere to freeze again.

At this point, and every single point from this moment forwards at the very least, Caracalla's clearly exhibiting another trauma response: regression. While not exclusive to trauma per se, regression involves a person's mental state returning to an approximation of a younger state, a state where that person has previously experienced a similar lack of control in their circumstances, but where they may also have experienced safety and care from their caretakers.

Going by what script!Geta says to him not too long after this scene, it seems reasonable to assume that what Caracalla is doing here is what he's done before to escape his father's explosive rages and violence:

He's... a very small guy. He's likely been a very small child, too. He says to Macrinus that Geta has always had it out for him - even in the womb, Geta tried to cut/grip his umbilicus so that he couldn't breathe, presumably to be the only surviving twin. Now, there's a lot that Caracalla's saying in this scene that needs to be taken with a grain of salt, but he's almost certainly relating here a "memory" that he has about what someone else has told him, or what he's otherwise heard. He probably did have a difficult birth, he probably did experience asphyxiation, and this may have been Geta's "fault" somehow - twin births are significantly more dangerous than solo births. We won't know what exactly happened, but umbilical cords and babies throughout history have not mixed well; hell, I was born significantly after the year 180 AD surrounded by much better medical care, and still the most likely singular cause for my learning disability is that I thought hanging myself by that thing in the womb was a great concept.

Asphyxiation injury in babies can cause poor growth, along with - as indicated above - lifelong disability and difficulty with development that results from brain damage, and I think this seemingly throwaway line is here specifically to tell us why Caracalla is so small and sickly, why he is so vulnerable, and, to a degree, also why Geta is so protective of him. He's never thrived, he's always been smaller and weaker, and

their father hated that. Their father, in general, seems to have despised his sons, but by Geta's description, he went for Caracalla first. Geta got in the way, took the beatings, protected his weaker brother from the violence. The only thing a small child in that situation can do is hide, and Caracalla here, under the table, is doing that again. He remembers that danger, and he remembers that hiding under the table meant a semblance of security and shelter against the danger. He remembers that, when he was hiding, there was someone there to protect him.

There was an excellent post on this by someone in the tags that I will link here pronto if anybody can find it for me, where the poster theorises that Geta's outburst, which is so reminiscent of their father's, has essentially put Caracalla in a PTSD flashback. With the regression, this seems more than plausible: he seems to have recognised his father in his brother's actions just as much as Geta himself must have recognised them, and they are both, in this moment, dealing with what that means - or not dealing, because they're both hiding, one in a curtain and the other under a table. It's interesting to me that this mixing of their past, their father's violence, never leaves Caracalla's mind after this time. He feels haunted by the man and his own actions to some degree in his mind become determined by his father's will, his father's hatred of his brother, which he's had to witness so many times in his childhood.

Now, diverting for a second from the trauma reactions and returning to Caracalla's stories to Macrinus, we can also see the effects of his neurosyphilis here. Which is a condition that's been fun to research because any information on it now is so clouded by mandatory patient direction telling me to go to the doctor and take antibiotics, which, honey, I'm sure Caracalla would have loved to do that, sincerely, but it wasn't an option, so what we get is this:

When Caracalla tells Macrinus about his memories from the womb, Macrinus asks him, "you remember that, do you?" and Caracalla says to him, "certainly; one cannot forget."

This confirms to Macrinus as much as the audience that Caracalla's experiencing delusional thinking, and, being the utter turdbag that he is, Macrinus knows exactly the kind of an opportunity this gives him. When a person is experiencing delusions, it's recommended to neither a) play into them nor b) try to directly contest them, as both ways of confrontation tend to root the delusion deeper into a person's thinking. Macrinus takes route a) like that diverting car meme, and starts telling Caracalla more absolute nonsense that he thinks will hit up nicely with whatever he's already experiencing, and based on all of this evidence, with how he's playing Geta like a father and treating Caracalla like a mother, he knows where his vulnerabilities are. He knows how to turn him against Geta - or at least he thinks that he does, because it doesn't quite work, not all of the way, anyway. But he gives it a good old fucking attempt and I despise him for that. Alas,

now we get to the ugly climax of his manipulation of these two traumatised young men whose lives, safety and futures are breaking down all around them, and who both desperately needed guidance and reassurance from someone who cared about them. He's told Caracalla that Geta intends to betray him, so go ahead and do what you must - you've always wanted to be something on your own, but he's always stood in the way, and by the way, he hates you, too. He says that he loves you, but he doesn't, he lies. You know what to do.

Fortunately however Geta knows his brother, and unlike Macrinus would like Caracalla to think, Geta does love him. No matter how annoying he is, no matter how much he gets in the way, no matter how difficult it is to be an emperor and a carer to a sick brother - Geta loves him. And that's enough, though, before we get to that point,

... mandatory reminder that Caracalla really gets off on blood? Like really gets off on it? This is also another excellent example of his regressed state: he cuts Geta, and this excites him. So much. He's probably never felt this powerful in his life: he did that. He did that. After basking in that feeling for a moment, still smiling like a little gremlin, Caracalla goes for Geta wholesale. He seems to be treating this is as some kind of a game, shifting between two states, one of whom is deeply hurt and driven by Macrinus's lies, and the other is just... being a boy, playwrestling with his brother because for the first time ever, he feels like he's got a winning edge.

In terms of Geta's ongoing Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day however, having his hand slashed gods know how deep shows us that something like this doesn't even make him flinch. After receiving the injury he just stands there, looking at his hand, looking at Caracalla, showing the exact degree of the beatings he's been taking his whole life. This, too, is dissociative, and stems from their childhood dynamics: Caracalla knows how to hide both in his head and as a first response to overwhelming danger, and Geta knows how to block out his emotions as well as physical pain, even significant, major pain, like a deep gash in his hand. He ignores the whole thing, the injury and his own personal hurt and fear, like these factors don't exist, because he has to protect Caracalla first.

Nothing Geta does in this scene is for himself. He's afraid, yes, but he's afraid for Caracalla more. And if that doesn't break your heart then I don't know. Good for you. I can't watch this scene again. And he literally dies holding Caracalla's face with his injured hand, looking him in the eye, because he loves him, and that's it for Geta.

In this godforsaken fucking piece of cinematic history, when Macrinus takes Caracalla's hand and butchers Geta with it, Caracalla is - understandably and visibly enough - back to freeze/dissociation again.

And I think some of that might be Geta's doing, in a sense: in order to break Caracalla out of their shared PTSD flashback which he started, unintentionally, by momentarily being the worst of himself to the one person who relied on him the most, Geta's now recounted the exact abuse, the exact circumstances, of Caracalla's memories back to him. He's done this to fix the narrative: I protected you. I love you. Our father hurt us. Doing so, he's put the pieces back together for Caracalla: Geta is not their father, Geta's his brother, and he protects him and loves him. He has always protected him.

So, now that Caracalla can recognise Geta for who and what he is: who takes his hand, then, and directs the blade? Is it not Macrinus, the man who has in all senses become a father to them? Does Caracalla's father then not hold his hand to punish Geta for getting in the way, again, like he always does?

And after this essay of utter pain and suffering, I hate to say it, but yes, he does absolutely realise what's happening, but he is just as incapable of incorporating any of this into his reality, into any reasonable narrative that isn't controlled by the ghosts of his past. For Geta's death specifically, though, yes. He does realise it. Very much. He looks Geta directly in the eye while he dies, and every bit of his expression screams "I'm losing you and there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening."

The question was,

do you think Cara really realized whats happening?

His body might be in a freeze state again - limp, controlled first by Geta himself, then taken over by Macrinus - but he sees what's happening. He knows what's happening. The way he goes from this:

to this:

tells you that he knows. He knows.

And to wrap this horrific fucking thing up all nice and good before I print it out just to chuck it in a fire, I'm including the bit of the scene at the Senate that evidently we didn't need to see in the film:

This is Caracalla, trying desperately to make sense of his reality, the things that were done with his body against his will, his unspeakable and indescribable loss, and the lies that Macrinus has told him all over it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have a nice day in some other place where none of this happened and Macrinus never existed at all. As a fellow survivor of childhood abuse at the hands of a parent, fuck you, Macrinus. Fuck you for what you did to them. You're the single worst kind of a person on earth and if you were real I would eat your entrails for lunch.

This has been a post, good timezone.

[beesonhoneytoast]

♡ valentine ♡

armin arlert x reader

a/n: i wanted to write a lil fic for my baby armin cos it’s love day!! i hope this isn’t too ooc for him ><

written to the lyrics of ‘valentine’ by laufey

cw: slightly jealous armin, weirdos tryna win your heart (and failing to do so miserably), friends to lovers, tooth-rotting fluff, kissing, swearing, armin is inexperienced (but bless his heart he’s trying his best), armin nerds out about the sea, aot spoilers ofc, armin spirals a lil, hurt/comfort(?), crying, reader is kinda a bully but in a lighthearted way, this is kinda somewhere between the events of the timeskip

word count: 1.9k

you hadn’t been one to accept affections just because.

so, when a random scout came to hit you up, you had to politely decline.

you would’ve liked to say that was the end of it, but they were persistent that you be their valentine for today. yuck.

“cmon, hun. why don’t you give me a chance?” they teased you.

“i said no thank you.” you repeated yourself, your tone slightly wavering with the discomfort that this person brought you. you had turned your body away from them, shielding yourself from their pestering.

i’ve rejected affections for years and years

just as they were going to make some sort of advance on you, you were suddenly being defended by armin arlert.

he shoved himself between you and them. “hey, piss off why don’t you? they said they aren’t interested. so if you really do love them, i suggest you respect their wishes.” he demanded them.

the words rolled right off armin’s tongue, like the spirit of erwin had possessed him, and urged him to say those words. the thought hurt to think about. it made him think he really was trying to replace erwin.

oh god, this was awful. how could armin think himself like that? like he could possibly be on erwin’s level—

“armin?” your voice cut through the cyclone of anxiety ransacking his mind.

now i have it. and damn it, it’s kind of weird

his ocean eyes quickly snapped to look at you. “y/n? are you okay? they didn’t hurt you, did they? i swear, if that dirtbag laid a finger on your pretty face, i—”

armin’s words caught you off guard.

he tells me i’m pretty, don’t know how to respond

“woah, slow down, armin. i’m fine. thanks to you. so don’t worry that pretty blonde head of yours too much.” you chuckled, patting his shoulder.

i tell him that he’s pretty, too. can i say that? don’t have a clue

armin’s face reddened at your assurances and your touch. his lips pursed and his head ducked down shamefully, his eyes fixed on the floor.

with every passing moment, i surprise myself

“you got a valentine, armin?” you asked him, walking off with the blonde trailing behind you like a lost puppy.

“um… no. i don’t really… know how any of that stuff works. nor do i think anyone is really interested in being my valentine. especially not after what happened.” armin admitted.

you turned at this. you knew that the decision to save armin’s life was not one made without minor cost. but as you heard it, it seemed commander erwin was already dead before captain levi could even make a decision.

you had also heard that in the midst of armin becoming a titan, he had eaten bertholdt and gained the powers of the colossal titan. he never wanted this. he never asked for this. but it’s happened anyway.

and it was up to you to accept him for that.

i’m scared of flies, im scared of guys. someone please help

“armin, look at me.” you guided his chin up, his big blues fixing on yours.

“what is it?” he asked you with desperation on his words.

“what’s happened to you during the fight against bertholdt and reiner was completely outside of your control. but you know what was and what i think was very brave and very selfless of you? your willingness to die for your best friends. and i strongly believe eren and mikasa would say the same.” you wanted to drill these words into his brain. you weren’t about to just let someone as sweet and intelligent as armin get away with this self deprecation of his. not ever.

prickles of tears gathered on armin’s lash line. his head shook and his hands held yours at his cheeks. “y/n, why… why do you do this? why would you tell me all these pretty words?”

you used your thumbs to wipe away his tears as they tripped over armin’s lower eyelids. “because…” you started.

you thought of everything armin had gone through in the last several years. from being bullied as a kid, losing his family, being drafted in the army, having to watch his best friend be eaten by a titan and thinking he was killed, then with what happened in shinganshina with the fight against the armored and colossal titans… yeah, there was no way you were gonna let armin self destruct like this.

“you’re not just gonna be abandoned because you went through things that happened outside of your control.” you told him.

your words clearly touched armin, judging by the tears that now streamed down his blotchy red cheeks. his shoulders twitched, and his hands balled into trembling fists against your sleeve.

“armin, are you…” you began, but armin’s next action would be one to silence your worries.

he used his grip on your arms to pull you towards his body, his lips meshing with yours in a moment’s notice. his eyes were squeezed shut like he was bracing himself for the impact. as though his decision was rash and he didn’t know what he was doing. no, that wasn’t it. it was more like…

like he was scared you’d push him away.

but who were you to push him away? you wanted to pull him even closer, but he would pull away from you before you could even act on your thoughts.

fear flooded his wide eyes. “oh my god, i am… so sorry, y/n.. i—”

nope. you weren’t about to hear it. you grabbed him by the collar of his uniform shirt, your lips silencing any qualms about his actions.

armin’s hands trembled against your shoulders awkwardly. he had no clue where to put them. adorable. just adorable. he was such a dork and you loved him. he was such a romantically awkward dork.

your romantically awkward dork.

once you pulled away, armin seemed astounded. he stared off into space, blinking wordlessly for a few minutes.

“i… i don’t… why did you… do this?” armin panted, shaking his head slightly with his disbelief.

you chuckled at his oblivion. “i think a certain three words are in order to sort of… clarify things.” you leaned in towards his ear, tucking a strand of his blonde hair back behind armin’s ear. “i adore you.” you whispered against the shell of his ear.

the little gasp armin emitted didn’t go unnoticed. “you… what?”

you leaned back to look at his blushing face again. “i don’t think i need to repeat myself, arlert.” you tutted.

‘cause i think i’ve fallen in love this time

red gradually painted his skin from the inside, a high pitched squeal leaving him. “uhh… wow. okay… i’m… you… you…”

“you…?” you mocked him, the action lightheartedly intended.

“you… oh, you tease!” he whined, burying his face in his hands.

you cackled at his flustered mood, prying his hands from the hidden visage. “not my problem that you’re so fun to torment.”

“no fair, you’re so mean to me!” he whined, feigning hurt.

“yeah, i know. aren’t i just the worst? aren’t i your big bully?” you jeered, getting all up in his face.

armin pouts and crosses his arms. he was acting like a child. it was endearing, if anything. especially when he turned his back towards you.

“hey, now. don’t be like that, armin.” you scoffed, wrapping your arms around him from behind, not missing the little shiver of his body.

“be serious. why do you love me?” armin solemnly asked, turning back to you.

you exhaled through your nose at this, creating a sigh. getting to his heart would be hard. but you were willing to do it. “armin… you’ve gone through so much hardship over the years. but… that’s not why i love you. that alone would just be pity. see; you’ve always fought for what you believe in. you’ve fought for the livelihoods of your friends, your comrades, the commanders, strangers… and i can’t help but feel a sense of pride and affection when i look at you. the way you smiled that day on the beach; how you lit up at first sight of the vast, uncharted horizon we arrived on. you are intelligent beyond any means of comparison. your empathy and the grace you have displayed for others… your worry for even people like bertholdt who have committed atrocities. there’s just… so many things about you that i could say… so many attributes that i could admire… how could i not love you?”

the end of your monologue moved armin to more tears. a sob hitched in his throat.

you only offered him a sympathetic smile, not saying a word as you opened your arms to him.

armin was reluctant to accept this embrace, even though his earlier actions were bold. but he did eventually step towards you and allowed himself to receive your affection. he was tense, but he would soon allow himself to relax when he assessed the situation to be safe. he was safe. he was home.

you both haven’t the faintest idea of how or when, but you suddenly were slow dancing in one of the common areas, soft love songs playing on the gramophone.

then you found yourselves frolicking amongst the couples on the streets of this seaside town.

armin treated you with any sweet or savory treats you wanted, and you would find a peculiar little stand.

it sold bouquets of what you thought were flowers you’d never seen before.

but as you got closer, you realized they weren’t flowers; they were seashells.

you of course had to know of armin’s affinity for the sea, so it would be a crime not to get him one of them.

you were lucky you had caught armin in a moment where he was distracted and observing another stand, so you took advantage of his distraction to purchase one of the ornate bouquets and held it behind your back.

when armin turned back to face you, he immediately took notice of your hidden arm.

“y/n… what are you hiding from me?” he wondered.

“hiding? pfft, what would i be hiding from you?” you dismissed him in a way that intentionally made you so obvious. you just wanted to rile him up first, and pique his interest.

“y/n, come on!” he giggled, the little sound echoing in your brain like it was a song sung in an empty church.

“okay, pushy pants.” you submitted to his nosiness and presented the shell bouquet to him.

immediately he was hyperfocused on the present. “wha- a bouquet of… shells?” he furrowed his eyebrows at it, clearly struggling to see the fact that it was no ordinary bouquet. he took it up into his grasp and observed the different shells that formed the bouquet.

“those are worm snail shells… conus… miter…” god damn it, he was really gonna start nerding out and start naming all the types of shells here, wasn’t he?

you couldn’t help the little snicker that flew from your mouth.

“what?” armin whined defensively.

“you’re such a dork.” you shook your head laughing heartily.

“i know, i just love the sea…” he muttered sheepishly.

“but hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. i think it’s pretty cute, honestly.” you added, not giving him room to argue.

you made your way to the beach, armin still cradling his new shell bouquet against the crook of his elbow.

you both sat on the shoreline, your shoes and socks were discarded so you could soak your feet in the crawling waves.

now the sun was just sinking below the horizon line, so that it may rise for those on the other side.

for the people that you and armin longed to meet, who were now waking up for the day.

you wanted to know if they really would treat you as monsters and traitors who abandoned them for the titans to take.

but as for today… you’d rather not think too much on that.

you and armin shuffled so you were sat side to side on the soft sand of the beach, leaning on each other. your fingers intertwined together on the cool sediment.

i blinked then suddenly, i had a valentine…

story written by @beesonhoneytoast

characters belong to attack on titan: 進撃の巨人 © 2009

[literaila]

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it’s not even the same place, the next time.

nanami is walking with coffee in his hand, already mourning the pleasant buzz of caffeine he’s become desensitized to. he shouldn’t waste money on a styrofoam cup and frequently bad coffee, but he’s prone to making… decisions.

a man can have a cup of coffee in the morning—especially if it’s the only thing that allows said man to walk into the office, head held high.

“nanami?” kento barely jolts to the own sound of his voice—he’s almost to the office. he likes to get their early enough to avoid running into any one of his regrettable colleagues, but life doesn’t always work out the way nanami would like it to.

obviously.

when he turns though, there’s no sleazy middle aged man next to him. no three-years-younger-than-him bright and shiny eyed assistant.

it’s only you.

but this is in broad daylight. nanami hasn’t finished his first cup of coffee and there are people walking beside him when he stops, jostling him without a care in the world.

this is broad daylight and it’s not raining. there’s no mysterious afterglow, no hidden meaning.

so nanami’s brow furrows and he says, “do i know you?”

you smile, smooth and sharp. “sorry,” you whisper, taking a step closer to him. “i didn’t mean to startle you.”

he sees it then—what he definitely should’ve noticed a moment ago. the startled light in your eyes, the blitzed-out twitch to your cheeks. nanami knows that voice—but he doesn’t know that smile.

he takes a step back, frowning.

you only take another step. and then another. you’re barely a meter away from him now, but you don’t try to cling on to his arm—not like the last time. “i also didn’t expect you to be the type to play dumb, nanami kento.”

it sounds almost like your teasing him. mocking.

if nanami wasn’t an entirely resilient, patient, and abruptly strong man, he would pale.

instead, he only stiffens. “how do you know my name?”

your smile remains, and you tilt your head to your right, looking down the block. “you’re kind of a big shot, huh? prestigious company, stellar record. i bet you’re doing well for yourself.”

“you’re the—“

“can i walk with you to work, nanami?” you step away from him, leaning to the side.

there’s something about the way you move that is distinctly… silent. something about the way your eyes narrow, your face focusing in on him that makes nanami feel like he needs to listen to what you say. whatever it is you say.

and, again, kento isn’t a weak man. he has never cowered away from a fight or worried that he wouldn’t be able to defend himself.

but he is going to be late for work.

“alright,” he says, holding his coffee tight enough for his fingers to burn, just a little, nodding. “lead the way.”

of course, you actually do know the way to his office. but nanami already assumed that.

the two of you begin walking, kento allowing a step or two of distance between him and you.

he isn’t sure what to say. are you following me? do i need to speak with someone about this? can you transfer the money in my account to my family after you kill me?

he was trained in curses, mind you, not humans.

you clear your throat, once the two of you are mostly alone. “i really don’t mean to scare you.”

“hmm.”

“i don’t expect you to believe me. i only want to talk.”

he glances towards you, brows raised. “you want to talk?”

“well, it’s not like you gave me any sort of closure the other night. you didn’t answer any of my questions,” you pout, stepping beside him and pretending to remove a hair off of his jacket.

nanami should slap your hand away and run for the office, flag down security before you can catch up.

he is a gentleman, though. so he only watches. “i don’t know what you want from me,” nanami tells you, stiffly. “but i can’t help you.”

“you did help me, though.”

“then thank me and leave,” it comes out a bit harsher than intended. nanami looks forward, continuing to walk even when he can feel you practically breathing down his neck.

you click your tongue, sighing. “you know, usually people try to run away or something. they typically don’t chastise me.”

“you’re the one who wanted to talk.”

you grin again and nanami feels as though he’s said the wrong thing.

“i’d have thought you’d be a bit more… cordial. you are technically my hero, after all.”

“you are a stranger. i don’t even know you.”

“but you’re so nice to everyone,” you tell him, almost exasperated. “the train attendants, cashiers, coworkers… it doesn’t take familiarity for you to be polite.”

kento’s jaw tenses. you’re trying to bait him—that much is obvious. he should probably pin you against a wall and ask how long you’ve been following him. why you’ve been following him.

but it seems like you might enjoy that. like you might laugh in his face and give him a vague and slightly threatening answer.

so he doesn’t. nanami doesn’t say a word.

there’s only another thirty meters before you’ll both reach his office.

“c’mon, nanami. just answer a couple of questions—that’s all i’m asking,” you’re looking at him with wide, pleading eyes.

“is that a threat?”

you sigh. “not if you cooperate. now, what was that… creature the other night?”

nanami stays silent. he can all of your attention on him, but he tries to pay it no mind.

it’s a bit ridiculous to feel like he owes you something, like you owe him something, when this is only the second time he’s even seen you. nanami is going to blame it on the fact that he only woke up an hour ago.

and he’s never had anyone stalk him before.

when the silence grows, you nod, taking it in stride. “okay… what did you do to make it disappear?”

he clenches his fist, but gives no response.

“have you seen things like that before?”

“things like what?” nanami mutters, dryly. it’s not a joke really, just a dull attempt at biding his time.

it’s right at this point that he sees the door to his office, right when you’re about to say something to him, probably threaten him again, that he turns.

“i don’t know who you are,” nanami says, almost softly. “i don’t know why you’re following me. i don’t even care. but threats won’t get you any answers. i have a call with a client and i’m going to be late. please don’t approach me like this again.”

he takes a moment to look you in the eyes—in your glassy, determined eyes—just to be sure that you understand him.

“so, i’ll see you later?” you call after him as soon as he turns, breezily and calm, like you’re an old friend that’s just passing by.

nanami doesn’t comprehend the words until he’s already inside the office, wondering if he should update his will.

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