#and some of those I've been wanting to draw for a while
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*point out my water gun at you* this's a robbery ¯¯̿̿¯̿̿'̿̿̿̿̿̿̿'̿̿'̿̿̿̿̿'̿̿̿)͇̿̿)̿̿̿̿'̿̿̿̿̿̿\̵͇̿̿\=(⌐▀͡ʖ▀)=o/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿¯̿̿¯̿̿
I dmand all your cute Longan HCs or else.../j
Took a while to answer this one bc I wanted to illustrate some of my ideas! I thank you for asking me uwu
Has a natural, booming voice. Doesn't need to try at all to make themselves heard over a raging storm. Also, rarely blinks as part of their intimidation towards others. Towards someone they care about, Longan will naturally blink more and even make an effort to speak more softly to them.
Big thing in my artworks of them is that they're super tall compared to regular cookies. This, of course, gives them a larger stride when walking. They won't slow down, even for their precious weak one. Though, they'll look over their shoulder now and then to watch them struggle to keep up; it's amusing to them :P
DEF NOT THE PERFECT PARTNER. Even if they gain a companion, they'll still be fixated on their goals. If their weak one's interests lie in anything cookiekind-related, Longan will be completely tuned out of it. EVENTUALLY, they'll try to see what all the fuss is about. Just to learn and form their own opinions about it.
Something angsty- if their weak one is a normal cookie and not a dragon, their mortality will become a constant thought in Longan's mind. They'll get more and more attached over time but in turn, put up a stronger aloof front. They have the power to bring back the era of dragons, but they can't bring back a cookie once they're gone... ...unless they can preserve them in some way. cutely petrifies their beloved into stone.-
You know the two NPCs in one of the stages of the Longan Palace Map, Longan Shaman and Longan Lancer? I imagine they would be bit more friendlier towards their master's new partner. :> At least one of the two would be assigned to them to watch over them when Longan's busy. Which means plenty of time to get acquainted!
After looking at their sprites a lot when drawing, I believe that Longan is able to move the spines on their back freely, as those are the most flexible of their horn structure. TBH, I think Longan is almost freakishly flexible, overall. In addition to stretching in any position with ease like a cat, they can also turn their head almost 180 degrees, just for the added creepy effect.
More on the cat thing actually, Longan absolutely does the eye thing where their pupils get wide when they see something they like. Also, purring- *gets shoved off stage*-
Has a tail similar-looking to their dragon form's. They just like having it hidden under their robes, since it tends to show more of their emotional state than they like.
I've been drawing the ears on charas more often and I think that compared to the rest of the dragons, Longan's would be pointy but slightly on the droopy side.
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I absolutely love the way you've recreated some comic variant covers with your versions of Clark and Lois (the Jorge Jeremez homage and "Superman '78" recreations are my favorites). I was just wondering, have you ever considered doing a recreation of the iconic "kiss on the moon" from All-Star Superman?
Thank you so much! I have been asked about re-drawing the moon kiss from All-Star Superman, but I don't draw it because 1) it doesn't interest me, 2) while I've joked about Super Lois before for fun shenanigans, I don't personally like the idea of a super-powered Lois especially for my version. Lois Liando is meant to ground Superman's allegorical themes as an immigrant, and I find giving Lois powers detracts from what makes her relatable-y human. 3) I haven't drawn a Clois kiss yet and I want it to be iconic when it happens :p
I love drawing those redraws though!! If I bump into a comic or cover of Clark and Lois I like as much as the Jorge Jimenez and Jamal Campbell illustrations, I'd definitely be tempted to redraw it.
#askjesncin#superman#clark kent#lois lane#clois#kal el#jl remix#clois smooch tease for yall anyway heheh#my biggest pet peeve with all star superman's Super Lois is that Lois did absolutely nothing with her new powers#just stood by and followed Supes around like an accessory. she should've punched the guys fighting over her immediately#RETURN TO YOUR OG ROOTS LOIS!! BE RUDE PUNCH MEN
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Why Silent Hill 3 is my big favorite- a terrifying horror game about woman's experiences and the fears that come from existing as a woman in a patriarchal society
Silent Hill 3 is probably my favorite Silent Hill game and one of my favorite games of all time, and it has a story and themes that I've always really vibed with. It tells a remarkably progressive story for it's time that handles some intense themes that are still relevant even today, about experiences that a lot of woman go through and the fears that come from existing as a woman in a patriarchal society, what it's like having your own agency and bodily autonomy taken away from you, forced pregnancy and sexual assault, how harmful patriarchal societies are and this game really getting into the religious flavor of patriarchy in particular.
It's an incredibly scary game that uses a feminine sort of horror to great effect, with the design of the other world being as bloody as it is and the monster designs being representative of this. I mean there is a type of creature that are literally supposed to look like fetuses that start getting bigger throughout the game as the birth of God draws near and the giant worm boss for lack of a better way of putting, literally being a giant penis. I think the main complaint that I hear from people about this game is how slow the story is in the first half of the game, but I think the whole getting home late at night as a young woman contributes a lot to what this game is saying. And I absolutely love how this game ends with Heather literally aborting God and fighting it as the final boss, symbolizing her fully taking control of her life and rejecting all of the harmful expectations that were forced onto her. Main antagonist Claudia is such a tragic character though, someone who was so brainwashed by town's religion into think that someone HAS to give birth to God so hard that she did it herself and she suffered for it.
Also while not as intentional considering when it was written and they probably couldn't even write about this stuff if they wanted to, something that I think is worth noting is that I've heard from a lot of trans people who relate to this game as well and I can really see it. Considering it's about people who Heather knows from a past life, coming back to remind her of that past life and forcing it onto her, and Claudia referring to Heather as Alessa could be interpreted as deadnaming Heather. But yeah I've always really loved and connected with this game for how well it handles it's themes about woman's experiences and I think it's really cool how many trans people have been able to relate to it with those specific experiences as well.
Another of my favorite things about Silent Hill 3 is the main character Heather, because she really is one of the coolest characters that I've always really related to. Her struggles are incredibly relatable, but she's also inspiring in how she overcomes them and is always so confident. In fact I appreciate how her and her father subvert societal gender roles in opposite directions, with Heather being as confident and extroverted as she is, probably more then any other Silent Hill protagonist and willing to stand up to all of the men in the story like Douglas in the beginning, Vincent and Leonard, along with all of the monsters she has to fight. And Harry being a single parent who is as gentle and caring as he is, with his one track mind of looking as his daughter, he's kind of both a father and a mother in that way, and also being as physically weak as he is and the opposite of a action hero. She also easily has the most personality of any Silent Hill protagonist, like this girl is overflowing with charisma and is even a little jokey. In fact another detail that I like is how much personality comes through in her examine dialogue, where you actually get to hear her thoughts on everything instead of just basic observation "this is a thing" that the other games in the series do. Heather has opinions on everything, but how she's feeling throughout the game is also conveyed. The dialogue of her observations in the first half of the game has a much more playful and hopeful tone to it, but after Harry dies she becomes much more pessimistic, can only see the negatives in everything and just doesn't seem to care anymore.
Heather is an incredibly well written and nuanced character, and I'll be honest that this is the game I least want to see be remade because I know that they would find a way to fuck up the writing of her character and handling of the themes of this game. Even after the Silent Hill 2 remake being as good as it is, one of Blooperteams biggest flaws is being incapable of handling anything to do with woman's experiences or perspective. SH2 used to be my fav, but I came to realize that it was mostly just because it was the popular one and that I vibe a lot more with SH3 and 4. Especially because SH2 tells a story about misogyny but makes it all about the perpetrator rather then the victim, unlike Silent Hill 3 which does actually tell the story of someone on the receiving end of that type of violence and objectification. SH3 and 4 are my personal favorites, 3 because Heather is best protagonist and I really appreciate it's themes which are handled perfectly, and SH4 because it has a really cool narrative and horror concepts. I know opinions on SH4 are really split, and while I think there are some gameplay things that are jank, I love it's story and premise so much.
#Silent Hill 3#Silent Hill 4#Silent Hill 2#Silent Hill#Heather Mason#Henry Townsend#James Sunderland#Harry Mason#Konami
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Trembling Essence:💙Cabin development progress💙
Helloo guys and welcome new followers it's been a long while, now that spooky month is over here's how the game is coming along!
A very big thank you to the recent influx of interest around 2 weeks or so ago, I wasn't expecting much since I was busy/drawing for Noahween. :,,]
**I'm going to still be busy but in good news not as much as before. Game development posts might be every 1-2 weeks now depending on how things go! :,]
After I posted the previous game development I wasn't able to work on the game until recently and I wanted to give myself another week to re-adjust before saying anything.
Now that I'm getting settled in here's what I've been doing to the game:
Dialog adjustments:
I've been going through and gradually adjusting certain scenarios. I want to keep the foreboding flow with hints of comfort in between so I'm still adding a little more depth on how the player(Y/N) feels/reacts from being back in the cabin again and Noah's attempt at hospitality during this segment. I also cut down the dialog again by combining smaller sentences into one text box unless the situation calls for it to be separated. :]
More CG work in progress:
One quality of life change I really wanted to do back then was add a few CG's of Noah when you're back in the cabin again. Originally there was going to be one or two in the [Extended Demo] but they were scrapped because my art skills weren't where they are now and I still need to practice perspective, etc but enjoy these really really rough sketches, the second one is old but I'm trying to figure out how I want it to look and how I want the pose to be. :,,]
Choices that effects Noah's closeness with the player(Y/N):
Some of Noah's reactions to the player(Y/N)'s decisions give a neutral response versus a negative one that effects closeness are still being worked on. I'm going through everything but the process will need a lot of careful planning. Just have to make sure all the variables line up. :]
If you like what I create, please consider supporting what I do on kofi! All donations and tips help tremendously while I continue to work on the game. Thank you to those that optionally bought the [Extended Demo] and the March 2023 demo on itch.io. :,]
Q&A / Ask box is open:
To know and understand Noah through Asks and random posts about lore, they'll be under #Get to know: Noah ! :]
**Some asks won't be answered if it contains spoilers but I do appreciate what I receive. :,,]
If you have any questions about Trembling Essence/Noah feel free to ask here or on itch.io please. This makes it easier for me to see and answer accordingly! I enjoy hearing from you guys!
Thank you to everyone for the continued support during this long game development absence! >:]
#male yandere#visual novel#dating sim#yandere#itch.io#illustration#digital art#artists on tumblr#art#anime drawing#drawing#indiegamedev#te updates#renpy#otome#anime art#artwork#doodle#indiedev#game development
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Its been a while since I've posted, I ended up getting pretty busy & I fell right back into art block. I'm trying to get back into drawing but im still a bit busy.
A while back I played some Roblox with friends and we played a lot of games. One of those games was Regretevator. I had a lot of fun playing it and I ended up getting a bit addicted to it.
I asked my friends to give me some npcs to draw and they gave me gnarpy and prototype. I want to draw some more in the future, but I'll wait until im a bit less busy.
#digital artist#small artist#regretevator#regretevator fanart#regretevator prototype#regretevator gnarpy#prototype#gnarpy fanart#gnarpy#prototype fanart
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Wanna draw so much stuff but so little time lately, augh
#talk tag#such a shame too because I've got IDEAS#so so many drafts for mini comics which I love to draw#and some of those I've been wanting to draw for a while#know what I wanna answer to all the asks in my inbox#and it's for both time travel shenanigans and the war shades au#give me them shenanigans#i love to put my blorbos in situations#mostly for the funny so there's that#there's some Fi and Mask stuff I wanna explore more too#augh. augh#anyways#i wanna draw so badly#rambling in the tags
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Day 1: Dystopian AU
These two always try to make the best out of the worst situation. So, during the Tragedy, they try to stay positive and have at least a little bit of fun in this terrible situation, like with these little competitions. They both know it's a little forced, but they play along anyway, both for each other's sake and for their own
#my art#artists on tumblr#art#danganronpa#danganronpa v3 killing harmony#danganronpa v3#drv3#kokichi ouma#kokichi oma#drv3 kokichi#kaito momota#drv3 kaito#oumota#oumotaweek#oumotaweek2024#IT'S TIME FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT WEEK EVER#YIPPPEEEEE🎉🎊#anyway about the drawing#i've been thinking about the Tragedy AU for a while#(this counts like a dystopian AU right?)#and i kinda feel like if those two joined together they might've actually had some fun there#and they totaly deserve to kill as many monokumas as they want#also i like the idea of kaito with an axe. i think he should have an axe and break stuff with it#as a treat
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✦ Linger ✦
#artists on tumblr#art#illustration#my art#digital art#digital drawing#my ocs#noah#oc art#You know that feeling when you're touch starved as all hell so when someone does touch you the feeling sticks around for hours after?#yeah that#with a side of Noah running away from what he REALLY wants but can't allow himself to keep#meaning he's then repeatedly shocked to realise he does in fact end up missing Martin every time he runs off#i'm still having a lot of fun experimenting with some new stuff#really happy with how this one came out though#i think i finally nailed that balance between texture and smoothness i've been trying to achieve for a while now#at the core of these experimets is the hunt for the style i have in mind for a future comic project#and i think this is very close to what i'm after#I want to use pop-art elements like these more as well#those bold colourful outlines and haphazard shapes slapped on top of things#messing with gouache on the side is genuinely helping me think differently when i paint digitally which is very neat#loving the process so far and excited to see what new skills i can learn from this
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BNHA Ch. 429
So, I guess Toga is dead, and people are losing it.
I get why people liked her--she was actually queer, being pan/bisexual. She was representation for them and that's rare in shonen manga. But here's the thing--she was bad representation at best and insulting at worst. Nor do I think she was made queer because Hori really wanted to represent a queer girl. Himiko was always the author's poorly hidden fetish--she just was. She liked girls as much as boys because Hori wanted to draw a girl touching sexually on another girl. You can see this in how he draws her and Ochako in solo pics together.
I mean, people seem to understand this when it comes to Momo and her outfit being overly sexual or that both Himiko and Hagakure's Quirks either leave them naked or they have to be naked to use them. These are excuses to draw girls in a sexual manner. Himiko being into other girls is the same thing and that's the kindest interpretation.
Given how Himiko acts and her Quirk being heavily coded sexual desire, and therefore her use of it against someone unwilling being sexual assault, it could just being playing into harmful stereotypes of predatory gays.
As a queer person myself I just found Toga insulting. She was designed to be overly sexual and give the male author a female character that he could draw being suggestive with his other female characters. When he did flesh out her character, her backstory was eventually the trope/fear of straight people, that gay people will be so overcome with their lust that they end up sexually assaulting them.
In the end Ochako accepts this part of Toga and says she'll giver her blood forever, but as much as a lot of readers took that that as some deep lesbian confession, for me it really fell flat. Hori never really gave any of the main kids time to actually learn about their villain or show how that changed their minds toward them. Shoto only works because Touya is his brother (even though he admits he barely remembers him). But Ochako goes from not thinking of Toga at all pre-first war, to one thought about her during her speech, to suddenly caring about her so much she--given how Toga's quirk is coded, is willing to essentially fulfill Toga's kink for the rest of their lives.
It's weird and it comes out of nowhere. It's made even stranger because Toga doesn't actually change or show remorse for anything she did, which included personally hunting and murdering people before she joined the LOV. None of the death and destruction she is also partially responsible for is brought up either, something that Ochako was rightfully upset about during the first war when less people and property had been destroyed. Ochako just accepts everything about her suddenly and her past serious crimes are forgotten so they can cuddle and cry.
Am I shocked Toga died--a little. I didn't think Hori would have the guts to kill off a young girl character, especially one that he clearly got a lot of joy drawing in sexy poses. But at the same time, once he killed off Shigaraki and ended Touya's story with his slow death, I'm not surprised he went the same route with Toga.
This isn't Naruto--Hori isn't really kind to characters that do something wrong, especially if they don't try and change. Enji, Bakugo, Hawks, and Aoyama all sort of got punished for what they did. Enji is the worst off, being permanently crippled, missing an arm and burned everywhere. Bakugo's hand is damaged, his heart weaker, plus he feels bad that Izuku lost his Quirk so they can't compete the same way he wanted them to. Aoyama, despite doing way less wrong and even helping his class during the forest raid, still leaves school because he doesn't feel he earned being there yet. Hawks lost his Quirk and even though him running the HPSC could be seen as good for him, Hawks always wanted a break, but now he has one of the most time consuming and stressful jobs out there.
So, if this is what characters who actively did good things and even changed and fought to be better get, what would characters who never changed and never did anything positive for anyone but their friends/themselves get?
Before the last Arc started, when so many people said the LoV were 100% going to be redeemed I had doubts and always thought it wouldn't make sense with how the story presented redemption or treated other non-LoV villains in the past. That if the main LoV did get some happy ending where they were bffs with the main cast it would clash with how other characters had been treated.
That doesn't mean that I think how Shigaraki, Toga, and Touya ended up in the manga was well done. I think their endings fit far better then a last minute redemption would have, but at the same time you can feel how rushed everything has been since the end of the first war arc. Hori was done with this story months if not years ago, yet he was contractually obligated to finish it. Because of that I think he left out as much as possible. As much as I think he's written some pretty obsessive stuff, particularly towards women, I can't really fully blame him cutting corners or the story being shit at the end.
We know Manga authors, particularly those that work with Jump are treated like shit. That they suffer incredibly long hours at times not even getting to go home for days. We've gotten messages for Hori saying he's sick quite a few times. On top of that, weekly story telling is not a great way to tell a cohesive narrative. Ideas probably change week to week or at least month to month and you can't go back and change the last chapter no matter how much you need or want to. Then you remember he also gave a lot of ideas to the people who made the movies, which would also change his plans for how he wanted the main story to go.
The story is bad--it has been for a while, but I think a lot of people put their hopes on their favorite characters getting a happy ending, even when there were signs that probably wasn't going to be the case. I know how much it sucks when a character you love gets a shitty ending (Stain was my fav, but he got an absolute dogshit ending) but at least, knowing what I know about the industry I can't really blame Hori the way I see some other people doing. Criticize it, sure, but saying Hori hates his readers or is horrible writer isn't true. BNHA was popular for a reason--he's great with characters and the beginning of the story had some great pacing. We'll never know, but I wouldn't be surprised if BNHA could have been amazing if Hori had been treated better and the story hadn't needed a chapter every week.
If anything BNHA has taught me how much a story suffers when authors/artists are treated like crap and forced to work past burnout.
#bnha 429#bnha spoilers#bnha critical#bnha#idk i just feel bad for the guy#i think he's sexist as shit#but no one deserves to work under such bad conditions#and frankly idk how any weekly story turns out any good#especially when its gone on for so many years#like when you think about it the chapters aren't even real full chapters#they're like half or even a quarter of a chapter that you'd find in a book or monthly manga#of course you're your going to have an incoherent story when you write like that#I mean the only other thing written like that are some fanfictions#and those authors can and often do go back and edit things#heck I've seen some that go on hiatus with the specific purpose of overhauling the entire backlog of chapters to make it a better overall#and I think part of why BNHA is perhaps worse then other weekly shonen is because he had a lot he wanted to say#on top of trying to find things that kept him invested in a story he clearly was tired of writing#I mean Lady Nagnat is great example#he watched a movie and thought the female assassin character was cool and it got him excited to draw/write#so he shoehorned in this character that was really only there because she made the story more fun for him to write and draw for a while#like American comics aren't great either when it comes to consistency or coherent plots sometimes#but I do wonder if BNHA might have been better if Hori could have left a story bible and basic outlines of what his plans were#and then someone else could have worked on it instead#because he really didn't seem very into by the end of the first war arc#like I think he wished that had been the end#but it wasn't and he was really tired and burned out#and probably already working on fumes
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trick or treat <|:3
have a Sparkpelt and Finchlight being happy!
#morningtalks#morningdraws#warrior cats#sparkpelt#finchlight#I've wanted to draw Spark happy for a little while now#she deserves some good things and if the books aren't going to do it then I WILL#she's still been through a lot#and you can't see her hind leg here because placements </3 but yeah those things affect her a lot still#but now it's been some time since all of these things happened. things are stable now#she's with cats she loves and she can be at peace
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"For particularly important things, it's always more reassuring to write them down like this." - Zhang Beihai
[ID in alt text]
#my art#three body problem#3 body problem#zhang beihai#三体#章北海#i've been meaning to draw three body problem characters and actually post them on my blog for quite some time!#so if anybody wants me to draw any specific character from the series feel free to reply here or send an ask as a request!#beihai is my top favorite and he resonated with me more than i expected! i rather liked bits of consequentialist philosophical ideas in him#anyways incoming ramble/infodump in the tags about various subjects pertaining to him#all you need to know about me is that i often lurk in chinese language fandom spaces and you might see commonalities in designs#if you see fanartists draw him with the broken eyebrow and mole then that's due to the 我的三体 (my three-body) donghua adaptation!#admittedly i was introduced to the series through that adaptation years ago because it seemed rather absurd (minecraft haha) but oddly good#at least check out the third season (haven't seen the fourth one yet but that's ongoing actually) or listen to 夜航星 (night voyager)#i'm rather curious how fanartists on tumblr might tackle character designs since i mostly see the two live action adaptations here#i want to diverge my designs from any particular adaptation but my beihai design takes a lot from 我的三体!#now about beihai- i really enjoyed his characterization and i'd like to bring up a maybe unintentional parallel and foil with the eto#hopefully that's something new to add to the discussion about zhang beihai and here's what adaptations don't get about mike evans#in the book he's a character you mostly only hear about from others and he's known to be a private person#he conceals a lot of his thoughts from even people like ye wenjie + he taught the trisolarans about deceit#then his strategy to kill luo ji was to keep it low and make it seem like an accident which those obfuscations of thought parallels beihai#then evans says: “but… it's obvious now that everywhere is the same” which is similar to beihai's “it doesn't matter. it's all the same”#the contexts differ but i think they're good foils about human nature “being the same” with evans's quote being about futility#then beihai's was about how regardless of if he survived or not- someone else would be able to carry on with his work#i have many other thoughts about beihai like how chu yan's (captain of blue space) group approach with the voting contrasts beihai#while beihai tried to bear the weight of attacking the other ships in solitude- chu yan made vengeance against trisolaris a group effort#(which that action goes against how the swordholder was a solitary role instead of a group one which is neat to me!)#i'd discuss more but i think that's enough to show that i really love zhang beihai (feel free to discuss the books with me though)
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The waves continued to lap against the shore. Push and pull. Breathe in, breathe out.
“What triggered it?”
The question was quiet, and so out of the blue it took Wilbur a moment to realize Tommy had asked it.
“What do you mean?” Wilbur asked.
“Your panic attack,” Tommy clarified, his hair tickling Wilbur’s cheek again. “Was it random, or did something trigger it?”
"Your Name Is A Triangle" by @bonesandthebees
song i drew this to alt version under the cut
#These past few months have been Hard for me art wise#No desire to even pick up the pen for the first few weeks after the wilbur finale and then utter demotivation because of tommys#At some point my passion for the mcyt fandom hanged by one thread- fanfiction#and the only fics i wanted to read were those of someone i already know and love#I was miserable over the idea no crimeboys content will make me emotional anymore#The first fic I willed myself to read is This one#and it was the biggest most sought-after surge of positive emotion I've experienced in a while#so relatable and soft and real and in character and so. full of love#Bee revitalized me to the point i instantly jumped to sketch this art the image was SO CLEAR. And I drew and It Worked I could draw#And till recently i couldnt find time to finish it and post it but even the coloured sketch brought me so much hope and joy to look at#Now one of my favorite pieces for so many reasons#Love your resident fic writers#Give them apprecition on the daily#they're my forever heroes#crimeboys#crime boys#crime boys fanart#mcyt fanfiction#wilbur soot#wilbur soot fanart#fanfiction fanart#tommyinit fanart#tommyinnit#mcyt
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reading this post made me realize I needed some maskless Donnie in my life
#my tmnt art#tmnt bayverse#bayverse donatello#soft flower turtles#also. not sure I'm totally sold on his tattoo design#the flower choice i like#but i might add some filler or make it flow better#kinda don't want them to just be floaty flowers#oh no that means i gotta draw donnie again darn shucks-#i'm like ten tags down now am i safe?#yo i just wanna trace those flowers with my fingers#tongue- hrk#<- has been immediately hit with a rake#why does donnie get hotter the more clothes he puts on?#anyone see that video of the wife just burrowing into her husbands hoodie while he's still wearing it?#His expression is hilarious like fighting between pissed and dying laughing#she gets right up in his face then says babe. babe. I've got info on your extended car insuran-#but yeah i'd be all up in that hoodie
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.
#How is it the end of pride month.#I haven't done anything I haven't celebrated I haven't been outside I haven't drawn anything special#I haven't really drawn anything#I wanted to do animated icon comms for artfight but that's not going to happen#I can't draw anything until I finish last year's commissions but I literally can't do it they don't look good#It's been too long and it causes me such genuine bodily anguish just thinking about how many people I've lied to#This is unprofessional but I've been so candid today for some reason#Ppl wanted to support me financially while I was struggling but I didn't even have the good sense to do their art like I was supposed to#Still struggling btw much much much poorer than ever can't afford food lucky I have a secret trick to help with that called not eating#Most commissioners didn't give me the money yet but the verbal agreement is still there in the æther#What is wrong with me today. I was trying to have a sober day but I think#I forgot how mean and weird and aggressive and overthinking and overwhelming my brain is :(#Anyway tho. I got admitted to a crisis center before I could finish those commissions.#And that was in December? I think I think I think it would be better for everyone to refund/cancel those? :( ?#I swear send me another message pretending it's a new commission and I will do it!! :)#My brain will think it is new and will be excited to start it :)#I'm so sorry everyone :(
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Challenge level: Impossible (Patreon)
#Doodles#Spoiler alert: I was in fact not normal about it lol#You can tell those first two are old by comparison for how short my hair was at the time lol#From back in July! I guess I just hadn't been drawing myself much there for a bit huh#As for that last one I swear I Promise I drafted this in September it's not a reference I'm just actually genuinely Like This lol#I didn't choose this life etc. etc. lol#From the top!#Burst of inspiration wherever could that have come from hehe <3 What could've happened in July that made me want to draw I wonder hehehe#Bit funny considering I fell off posting - not like the inspiration stopped! And what I Did draw was Very lol#I still have some of it in an ever-present photoviewer because I like being able to look at it at any point <3#Still inspired! Still want to do more studies!! So pretty ♥♪♫#Sleepy thoughts - I had my Pkmn Diamond/SoulSilver field dex/guides for all of like two months and then they were packed up again#And this was Before the Pokemon burst! Sheesh sheesh#I love my field guide dexes they're so neat and well-made ahh#I have got a couple craft projects still back-burnered - those papercrafts to do with Pokemon are still on the list!#A little Pokedex-notebook is so fun.......And I have Pokemon stickers that I could put in it or on it......ah........#I do want to! I will at some point the energy will return to it eventually#Alright so the main course lol#Went fabric shopping for plushies because yes I Am determined to Make Thing! Another that's been a bit backburnered - but I will!!!#I do still really want to it's turned out pretty good for far :) But while I was shopping!!#We did the usual small talk thing with the store employee like ''Oh what are you buying this for'' that whole back-and-forth#So I explained that I was making plushies and needed the tear-away stabilizer to draw the embroidery outline on#In my head I was being very tempered because while /I/ know that I'm making a Max plushie not many people are familiar with him (wrongly so)#Lol#So we continued and he was like ''Oh cool I've made some patches with embroidery :)'' so I asked of what and he lead with CotL's crown#And then-#Look Zarla's work was Already on my mind with Max as my project I was in a Delicate Way already do you really expect me not to talk about it#The answer was no and he walked away with a Vargas recommendation in his pocket I hope he enjoyed it lol#And I got my fabric and started work on Max's face it's fine it all worked out in the end it's all good it's great lol#I Was encouraged to come back with my finished project so that's on my to-do once I get him in a presentable state haha
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Still unwell about Rilke and PH
I love the dark hours of my being.
My mind deepens into them.
There I can find, as in old letters,
the days of my life, already lived,
and held like a legend, and understood.
Then the knowing comes: I can open
to another life that's wide and timeless.
So I am sometimes like a tree
rustling over a gravesite
and making real the dream
of the one its living roots
embrace:
a dream once lost
among sorrows and songs.
#There's in Rilke and especially in this particular book a lot about the world‚ created in the beholding and loving it‚#and one existing to love the world. There's so much about the world being created by that loving and knowing the world of one individual#person that loves and knows it. A kind of feedback loop of existing and being by love and knowledge that is all a participation#on the act of creation. The person coming to exist to love and know the world‚ and creating the world by loving and beholding it#This is also present on Juan Ramón Jiménez‚ among others‚ but 5 yo me was obsessed with those poems. ANYWAY#This topic made me think of Lacie a lot but in this particular poem that topic + the 'I'm sorry' scene + the figure of Lacie beyond Lacie‚#a Lacie that's legend and real‚ a Lacie always sitting under a tree‚ life ending and life expanding so to speak‚...#That kind of knowing it all in a glimpse that is knowing in an instant and eternal (which again reminds me of Kierkegaard‚#fitting I'd say with Rilke). I'm explaining myself terribly but I don't want to talk too much haha But yeah it all seemed very fitting#There was another poem about spiralling so to speak around god that I also thought was very Lacie but very PH in general#('I live my life in widening circles / that reach out across the world. / I may not complete this last one / but I give myself to it /#I circle around God‚ around the primordial tower. / I've been circling for thousands of years / and I still don't know: am I a falcon‚ /#a storm or a great song?'). The spiralling around god in what is still some sort of emanence or reflection of it while being also#different iterations of the self which all reflect it also reminded me a lot of Cantor's transfinite numbers#Which again is quite fitting and coherent with the other authors and PH imo‚ but I may be biased. Anyway yes. This reminded me of Lacie#I didn't plan on drawing anything at first and now I have to flinch to read the poem#I hope I'll recognise enough of what I've written when I eventually come back to this#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#mine*
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