#and some of them make for fun little fics like this

[olderthannetfic]

I accidentally killed my own desire to write, and I need some advice. To be really blunt about it, what's the point of writing? When I would spend lots of time laboring over making a good story with a plot and characters who were in-character and connecting all the dots narratively so payoffs were satisfying, my reward was dead silence and virtually no clicks. I posted some mindless smut to my side account one day and got more hits in a day than most of my other works combined got in a year. I know, I know. "Write for ~*~yourself~*~" is the common response. It's the "be yourself!" of writing. It's supposed to be a magical phrase that'll make everything okay. But... I don't like knowing that something I spend months working on won't be read by anyone while something I write in a car while bored got thousands of clicks. I don't like making something I'm proud of and then no one ever looks at it. That's not fun for me. It's not fulfilling.

For a solid decade, I've tried to ignore how the level of interactivity in fandom is falling. Fewer comments. Fewer kudos. No comments in the bookmarks. You put your tumblr and Discord in the AN and get a handful of asks and one person who adds you, talks to you twice and then ghosts you. Most of the comments are "well, actuallys", made even more annoying by them being wrong as opposed to actually correcting an error. I avoid fandom drama, wank, and infighting. I don't engage with things I know will make me unhappy. I try to be happy over in my own little corner. I comment on every single work I read. I want people to enjoy fandom. I used to.

Some dumb smut I wrote in 40 minutes gets five times the hits of the writing I'm most proud of, and it gets it in just under three months. I am not a great smut writer. I haven't stumbled onto an incredible talent I had that makes it so the issue is that I'm so amazing my smut brings all the boys to the yard. People just don't like what I write and put effort into. It's very likely that despite 20 years of writing fic, I suck at writing. And people enjoy my writing most when they don't have to put up with anything substantial and can just skip to the sex.

So for the last eight months, when I write, I just sort of give up. Close the Word doc without saving. No one will read this. No one cares about this. There is no fan eagerly awaiting every update like I await updates from my favorite authors. There's not even someone saying, "update soon!" Close the Word doc. Delete old WIPs. There's no point. I do not tell stories worth reading. I used to. In the FFN days people genuinely enjoyed my work. I'd never have had an opportunity to do the 'I won't update until I get 3 reviews' thing because getting that many on a chapter was usually something I'd do overnight. Post before bed. Wake up. Read the reviews before school. I peaked in high school, I guess.

And now I'm just sort of lost. I still have lots of ideas. Ideas for fics fall into my head all the time. That's never been a problem. What I don't have is any motivation to write them. What's the point of writing? If no one else is reading, I guess the point would be so I could go back and read my own story and have fun with it. Write for myself. But I can review the story and have fun with it in my head without writing it down. It's substantially faster and more importantly, isn't incredibly depressing.

So, at the risk of definitely being calld the second-coming of True Art Anon or a troll or validation-seeking or haha mentally ill haha... what's the point of writing?

--

Okay, so write porn in a car while you're bored.

Look, you can whine all you want about my response, but what you've written here is blatantly about depression.

Lots of people in fandom are still interacting. And no, it isn't just on fics that are objectively written to some pro fiction standard or whatever. Teenagers still breathlessly review poorly spelled cracky masterpieces about this year's big anime and so forth.

Yes, there may be reasons why you in particular are in a slump when it comes to fandom friendships or "plz update" comments. We can talk about that. But this ask is all gloom about fandom in general. That's not realism: that's you having a problem.

--

As for why a person should write: because the actual hours you spend doing the writing are fun.

If they aren't pleasurable in some way, find another hobby.

--

But if you want an answer to the age old "Why did my 5 minute fic get 1000000x more asspats", I've seen meta about this for literally decades.

The most likely reason is that the fic we write quickly and without much thought often feels fresher and more fun. The things we labor over endlessly can feel overworked. Even in cases where they don't, they're often heavier subject matter or more niche subject matter. On top of all that, we just care more, so even a high level of feedback doesn't really feel like enough for the effort and care we put in.

--

Do you really need me to tell you why you don't feel the same as in high school when things were fresh and new?

Go read up on combatting burnout or dealing with post-college anxiety or managing stress in a dead-end job in your 30s or finding meaning in your 40s or whatever is going on.

Everyone goes through fallow periods in fandom and in life.

Feeling reinvigorated has to do with internal factors and some general life circumstance stuff. It doesn't have that much to do with number of kudos. That's just the surface trigger for a mood that was already there.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Finer Things 2

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as non/dubcon, age gap, cheating, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your mom surprises you with a visit but has a lot more in store than you could ever imagine.

Characters: Tony Stark

Note: back on my bs.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. Thanks to everyone who reads this one and thank you for all your energy.<3

Love you all like Thor loves thunder. Take care. 💖

“Dessert,” Tony declares as he takes the small menu from the middle of the table. “You a creme brulee girlie? Cheesecake?” His eyes flick down to the menu, “I know your mom has a sweet tooth.” He snickers as he opens the leather folio, “oh, sticky toffee. Messy. Hm, the souffle sounds good. How about it? Soft, gooey.” 

“Mm, what’s the cheesecake?” Your mother leans in as she swirls her third glass of wine. 

Tony seems almost to wince as he looks at her. It feels like he’s been staring at you for much of the night. It didn’t make it feel any less like you’re the third wheel. 

“Apple and salted caramel,” he shows her the menu. 

Your phone vibrates in your bag. You move the purse into your lap and reach inside to mute it. As you look up, you find Tony’s dark eyes once more set on you. 

“Sorry, just turning that off,” you explain, “my friend...” 

“Oh, is that the one that was with you at the talk? My biggest fan? Besides you, of course?” 

Your mother laughs and touches his sleeve, “oh, you are so silly. Sweetie, isn’t he silly?” 

“Yes, sweetie, aren’t I so fun?” He seems to mock her. She doesn’t mind as she’s more interested in her wine. 

“Um, yeah, Perry... she’s in my... my stats class.” 

“Stats. Bullshit. I paid some dweeb to take my exam,” he chortles, “I bet you’re gonna brag all about me to her, huh? Twist the blade a little?” 

“Uh, what?” You stick your lip out in surprise, “no, sir. Tony,” you cringe at your slip, “no, I wouldn’t.” 

“Ah, come on,” he reaches across the table, “let’s get a pic for Perry. She can drool over it.” 

“No, no,” you wave him off, “that’s okay. I don’t want to trouble you.” 

“No trouble. I’m offering, sweetheart. Be a good memory. I mean, you had dinner with Tony Stark. Hate to stroke my own... ego but you know, some people pay for that pleasure,” he chuckles again. “Come on,” he beckons you over again, “get in close.” 

You look around awkwardly. You hate taking pictures in public. You see others do it and it always looks so awkward. 

“Go on,” your mother goads. “Live a little.” 

You glance at her sharply before you sidle over the seat. You get up as Tony sits back and you sit on the end of the curved bench. He taps your lower back, “gotta get closer than that,” he purrs. You slide in and he flips his palm up, “phone, sweetheart.” 

You shove your hand into your purse and find your phone. You unlock the camera and give it to him; he nearly snatches it first. He extends his arm and leans into you, wrapping his arm around you. He grips your hip under the table as his cologne smothers you. 

“Smile pretty for me, sweetheart,” he smirks and snaps the photo just as you muster a surprised pout. “Ha that’s cute. We’re keeping it,” he lowers the phone and examines the picture. “I’m just gonna send a copy to myself...” 

“What?” You squeak. 

“Sure. It’s funny.” He taps his thumb on the screen. “And you’ll have my number. Just in case.” 

“Oh,” you murmur. You don’t argue but wait until he hands your cell back. You take it but as you go to get up, he holds onto you. 

“So, dessert then,” he squeezes your hip so his fingers curl into your soft flesh, “how about it?” 

“Oh, they have a special apple cider,” your mom looks over the menu. You squirm. She can’t be that drunk. Especially as his hand moves-- 

“Um, yeah, sure, but I need to... go to the bathroom,” you exclaim and pull away before his hand can settle on your ass. You really don’t think he meant it but you’re about to combust. “I’ll be right back, I just need to... go.” 

You stumble off the bench as you stomach hits the table. Your mom looks up, an annoyed stitch between her brows, and she sighs. 

“Hurry up, sweetie.” 

“I’ll order you that souffle,” Tony offers. 

“It does sound delicious,” your mother waves the menu at him. “Maybe I’ll have one too.” 

You flit off before you can dissolve into embarrassment. You’re used to being the awkward one. You don’t mind the armour of your social dissonance that keeps you out of the way, but he just drags you out and puts you in the light. You hate that. 

You’re all too happy to hide in the bathroom. You take your time, not even eager to try the souffle. Dinner is still settling and you’re not sure it ever will with how your stomach mulches nervously. When you come out into the dining room again, you swerve around the other tables. 

Your mom scowls at her empty glass as Tony sits indifferently next to her. You haven’t missed the way other patrons glance over at the man they’ve only ever seen on magazines and television. You resume your seat across from him as he perks up. 

“There she is,” he flutters his fingers at the table, “dessert waiting and all.” 

“Oh, thanks,” you look down at the dark souffle dusted with icing sugar. 

“We only waited for you to dig in,” you mother scoffs. 

“You always get snappy with the wine, Joyce?” Tony challenges and gives her a nudge. “You should be happy to get to see your brilliant daughter. She really is just... wonderful. You raised her right.” 

Your mom looks at him and grins. He added just enough praise to tweak her narcissistic flare. She puts her shoulders up. 

“Well, twenty years of hard work,” she preens. 

You pick up your fork first. Anything to keep you from having to speak. You poke into the souffle as Tony puts his attention to his own plate. Your mom slices into her cheesecake and hums as she tastes it. You take a small bite and look up as heat speckles your cheeks. 

Tony stares at you as he sucks his spoon clean. You fidget at the way his irises seem to blend into his pupils. Your lashes flick and you look down at the spongy souffle. Your stomach is doing somersaults. Why is he looking at you like that? Why is he looking at you at all? 

You scoop up more of the dessert and focus on each bite. You know he’s watching. You feel it. You can still feel the tingle on your hip too. Right where he latched on. 

You haven’t had much success with boys but you don’t think that’s normal. Especially since he should have his arm around your mother. Shouldn’t he? Maybe you’re just put off by the surprise of it all. Well, if you go by the tabloids, he won’t be around very long anyhow. 

You clear your plate and wash it down with the last of your wine. You only had the single glass and it took all night to nurse it. You peer over at your mom. Her eyes are glassy as she silently ponders her crust. 

“Mom, you alright?” You ask. 

“Oh, you know, the doctor gave me these new pills. I think the wine might be mingling a bit too much with those,” she trills with laughter, “oh my.” 

Huh? Your mom’s always been on one form of antidepressant or another, you’re not entirely sure. The therapist wrote her scripts and you never bothered to check them. 

“Ah, the old Xanny-cabernet double hitter,” Tony chirps. You look at him sharply. “Relax, honey, I’ll take care of her. Huh, Joyce? I always do, don’t I?” He rubs her shoulder as she nods and slumps back, grinning. 

“Think maybe she needs to go,” you say as you stare at your mom with concern. 

“Don’t worry,” he raises his hand, “I’ll get us paid up and you can help me get her back to her hotel.” 

Another charge on her Mastercard. You try not to worry about it. You spent half your teenage years making sure she paid the bills before she went to the boutique but you have your own money to worry about now. 

“Okay,” you agree. You just want to make sure she’s alright. 

The server returns and Tony asks for the check. Your mom’s eyes droop with each passing minute. When at last, it’s all squared, she’s about to keel over the table. 

As Tony helps her out of the booth, you burn with mortification. You can only watch helplessly. She knew she shouldn’t drink on her new meds but it doesn’t make you feel any better about it. You should have said something when she poured the second glass. Sometimes you feel more like her parent than her child. 

“Keep her here, will ya?” He leaves you just outside the door. 

You watch Tony walk away and try not to make eye contact with anyone else coming or going. You shiver as you support your mom and she babbles, “isn’t he so handsome, sweetie? And rich? And perfect?” 

“Mm, yeah, mom,” you agree because you know she’s not really looking for an answer. 

“You know, it’s the funniest thing. I met him at the jewelers... what do you think he was doing in our town? Nothing much going on...” she trails off.  

You nod and watch the street. A red car pulls up and revs. Tony gets out and winks as he comes back up the pavement. He reaches for your mom and she staggers into him. 

“Oof, honey,” he snickers. “How about you take the front and I’ll get mom in the back laying down?” 

“Right,” you agree, “it’s not... I... I can get the bus.” 

“Nah, baby, I’ll make sure you get home safe. I can’t tell your mom I just let you wander off into the dark.” You scrunch your lips and nod. You walk to the car next to him as he helps your mother move her weak legs. “Get the door, sweetheart.” 

You pull the back door open and you find yourself nearly crushed against it as he angles your mom inside. As he pushes her up the seat, he presses into you. He bends her legs and they fall sideways. He huffs and stands, turning to face you. He doesn’t back up. 

“Ah, now, sweetheart, you keep those hands to yourself,” he snickers.  

“What?” You breathe. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” he purrs and brushes his fingertips down your sleeve, “you’re shaking like a leaf.” 

You shiver but you’re not sure it’s the frigid air. He backs up and you skirt around the door. He shuts it and quickly follows you, opening the front before you can. 

“Ah, allow me,” he steps back. 

You duck your head down and get in the passenger seat. Your heart is thumping. It’s nothing. It’s in your head. He’s just being... him? With how he’s behaved all night, you can’t say it’s unusual. You suppose he gets away with it because of his reputation. 

He shuts the door and goes around the other side. He drops into the driver’s seat and clears his throat. He pushes back his jacket and pulls on the seatbelt behind his shoulder. 

“Buckle up, sweetheart. Can’t risk that pretty face, can we?” He hums and taps the ignition button. “You want me to warm ya up?” He hits another button as you gape at his suggestion. “Seat warmer.” 

“Oh, okay, thanks.” 

“Hmm, you know, been a while since I had a pretty young thing like you in my car,” he adjusts the mirror and checks his reflection. “The grey tends to keep them away.” 

“Ah, yeah,” you agree tacitly. 

He strains to see around the car ahead of him and pulls out. He clucks, “so... you don’t like it?” 

“Don’t like... what?” 

“The gray hair,” he asks. 

“I didn’t... no, I didn’t say that.” 

“But you agreed.” 

“I-- I didn’t notice. Really. I don’t mind.” 

“You don’t mind, huh?” He combs the hair at his temple, one hand still on the wheel. “So, you think it makes me more handsome? Defined?” 

“I don’t... I don’t know,” you pick at your nails nervously. 

“You know, you can be honest. Won’t hurt my feelings. I’m more than just my good looks, you know?” He laughs as he leans on the pedal.  

“I’m not... I wouldn’t lie,” you say. 

He snorts, “oh, sweetheart, I know you wouldn’t. I like that about you.” He tilts his head at the road, “I can see right through you.” 

You swallow down the silence. The tension cords around your throat and you cough. You’re not sure why he’s so concerned with what you think. He should be more worried about your mother snoring in his backseat. 

[velvetwyrme]

doozi's undertale fic recs round THREE

As requested, here are EVEN MORE FIC RECS. This round is mostly reader inserts, with a dash of platonic and non-reader fics at the end.

As usual, this is really really long, so take your time and enjoy! Some of them are uhhhh, pretty spicy, so please make sure to check the warnings and tags and act accordingly.

Please tread carefully while reading, check tags, take breaks, drink water and HAVE FUN <3

The STATUS of each fic is labelled as such: Finished, Ongoing/Unfinished, Discontinued. (Unless the author specified that the fic is Discontinued, on Indefinite Hiatus, or otherwise abandoned the work, I will mark it as Ongoing/Unfinished. Oneshots are also marked as such.)

Spicy (Explicit) and/or Dark fics have also been labelled if relevant. (I won’t mark ones with just suggestive themes/moments, since I cant guarantee I’ll catch all of them. Similarly, unless there is consistent graphic death, gore, or otherwise prevalent upsetting topics, I [probably] won’t mark it as dark.)

MULTICHAPTERS

Ghost Hunting With Skeletons - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

ONE OF THE FICS OF ALL TIME!!!

Go "ghost hunting" with Cash while looking for machine parts! Become Sans' weird coworker! Lie and keep secrets with Red! Get tangled up with a mysterious shadowy figure who spontaneously spawns in your house- wait, what was that last one?

Tilikum - Various Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I'm sure everyone and their dog knows of this fic by now but listen. If you haven't read this, somehow, please do yourself a favour and read this immediately.

I love mer fics and I especially love CEPHALOPOD SIRENS. (Blue and Red are very good in this fic but SKULL!!!! MY PRECIOUS BOY!!)

The Mirror Bay Depths - Various Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

And speaking of MER FIC- if you like merskeletons, mysteries, manipulation and mmmmmmmmmm...magical workarounds for linguistic difficulties (i made the alliteration work, see?) Then you'll LOVE this fic!

Dive into The Mirror Bay Depths and get charmed by a buncha mers! It's super cute and also has a serious undertone of "UH OH" once the mystery begins to come to light.

Got Crabs? - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Got crabs????? Hilarious soulmate AU where you and have some of the stupidest words written on each other's bodies and it all goes GREAT.

You do in fact, got crabs.

It's Just A Game - Sans/Reader - Finished

CYOAs my beloved. This was recced to me recently and I got caught up with all the new updates and it's sooooo good auugugjhfkgh,, I love existential crises and weird metafiction.

cat ~/.zsh_history - Sans/Reader - Finished

If you enjoyed It's Just A Game, or other fics like it, you'll probably like this too!!!! Player-character reality simulation existential angst all wrapped up into a neat little fic <3333 It feels like a weight on my heart.

The Understudy - Sans/Reader - Finished

THE anti-harem fic. As in, THE anti-harem fic that inspired the structure of every other anti-harem fic. It's a piece of fantastic storytelling and is a literal pioneer of a genre.

It was a fic that was intended to flip a genre on it's head, and it's fascinating to me that it became a genre of its own. Splendidly written and is the cause of 99% of my confusion during my return to the fandom because all of a sudden there were a buncha anti-harems and I was like WTF ARE THESE jkdhfgkjdfk,,

I went into it intending to find out the history behind anti-harems, and then got sucked in completely. You can guess the general premise, but MAN does plot hit hard!!!!!!

And speaking of anti-harems...

The Eye of a Judge - Various, Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

What if anti-harem fic, except the terrible GF was EVEN MORE terrible. Really really fun concept with what happens to the reader, and oh so fucked up just in general. Make sure to check the tags on this one.

The Faults in Our Souls - W.D. Gaster/Reader - Finished

This fic is super sweet, the reader falls into the Underground and gets taken in by Gaster and his two boys, eventually falling in love and becoming a parental figure for the skelebros. But then the incident with the core happens...

Pros & Cons - Sans/Reader - Finished/Series

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

I try not to put too much NSFW in the lists on this blog but uhhhh *looks at the rest of the list* it's fine. I like these fics too much not to add them.

This one in particular is AMAZING and really funny to boot. The reader wakes up after a one night stand with very few memories of the night before and debates the pros and cons of checking who they slept with thsjfbbfkfbk

The fic right after is ALSO hilarious because it gives so much more context and life to the world I love it dearly. Also the smut is great but yknow gbflgbkf I'm TRYING to keep this relatively SFW

Eau de résistance - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

Underfell flavoured slave AU which gets really, really complicated emotions-wise. It's one of the few UT fics I still keep up with pretty actively atm, and it's because the mystery has me hooked. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

Other than the obvious premise, it gets into some darker topics, so if you're sensitive to that sorta stuff, please read the tags and tread carefully if you decide to read! Otherwise, enjoy!

The Party Incident and Other Embarrassing Anecdotes - Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

Takes a deep breath. Ok so, I debated adding this fic. Not because I don't like it, but because I haven't actual read this in years, so I don't know how it stands up to the test of time.

I don't usually like adding fics that I can't certifiably recommend, but I also feel like if you haven't read this, you haven't Really experienced Undertale reader inserts. It's like. a classic.

I still remember vividly cringing from secondhand embarrassment SO many times while reading BUT I wouldn't trade in that experience for anything- I fucking loved this fic. It was wonderful and terrible and so incredibly fun, and honestly I kinda don't want to reread it so I can keep it in the shiny veneer of nostalgia forever.

Smells Like Chalk and a Cockatoo - Sans/Reader - Finished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

Uhhhh, I don't actually have a good segue for this, but this one also has really complicated relationships. There is a happy ending! It's a fucking rollercoaster to get there though.

It's kinda in the same vein as The Party Incident for me, I consider it a classic, and it's also... very 2016/17. Take that how you will. I don't know if I'd recommend this fic, but I definitely think you should read it, if you know what I mean. I'm VERY fond of it despite my extremely conflicted emotions. It's definitely not for everyone though.

Oh, also it has the most fucked up form of skeleton reproduction ever <3 That's okay though, because it results in one of my favourite fankids ever. I'm love my boyyy Impact ;w;!!!!

Bonetrast - Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

The reader in this is terrible and I'm fascinated. I like reading about characters being antagonistic towards each other sometimes, so I really enjoyed this and I wanna see where the author takes this. Make sure to read the tags.

A Drink That Hits Right In the Bones - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

This one... the reader in this kinda sucks too jhsfjkdf but in a different way. Once again fascinating as hell!!! Drunk, gay, in denial and homophobic, this reader is NOT having a great time.

I, however, reading it, am having a fantastic time!

breakfast combo - Sans/Reader - Finished

Veryyyyyy cute! The reader gets bothered about their crush on Sans by UF!Sans. Love the banter. Oneshot turned twoshot, it's a nice little read :D

Penned to you - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Penpals!!! I'm loving this so far <3 Horrortale Pap and the reader become penpals and subsequently friends. Sans is... around, probably not being spooky and weird. I'm excited to see where this one goes >:00

Grounding Your Ego - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Soulmate AU again!!! The reader has a set of REALLY terrible words written around their neck, and... they're mute. :]

ALSO the little snippets of world building are so delicious and have stuck in my mind like the- wait fuck I just realised the title is a pun what the fuck how'd I miss that before- LIKE THE GROUNDS IN PAPYRUS' COFFEE.

The Sacrificial Skeleton and the Labyrinth of Gods - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

:] *points vigourously at the warning* The smut is a pretty ingrained part once it gets to it, but I couldn't NOT add this fic.

Anyway I'm a little obsessed with this fic. There's a skeleton reader, who's a necromancer! The skeletons are thought to be gods, but actually they got isekai'd! It's a WILD RIDE and it's surprisingly good??? It feels like one of those webtoons or manga that you look at the cover/summary for and go *??????* at, but then you start reading it and go "OH, THIS IS REALLY FUN ACTUALLY."

There's pretty intense language barriers between the skeletons and the reader for a lot of the fic, but I love that sorta stuff, so that just makes it better for me lol. I adore the dynamics between the characters, they feel so diametrically opposed sometimes it's great.

Nothing to see here. - Various/Reader, Various Sanscest - Ongoing/Unfinished

Oh this one!!! Should probably actually go under misc but it's okay. This fic asks the question of: What if there was a MASSIVE multiversal mashup and some of the residents shared an apartment building where they now live completely normal domestic lives?

It's got /Reader stuff as well as a fun selection of Sanscest and platonic roommate content, and each chapter is semi-self contained and really fun.

Magic Bitty Bits™ - Various/Reader, Various Sanscest - Ongoing/Unfinished

Another one that should technically be under misc. I love bitty fics... and I love really fucked up shit happening to characters <3 Take are to note the warnings at the beginning of chapters, but hhrhghh I'm on the edge of my seat every time something happens/is revealed. LIKE WHAT!! WHAT!!!!!!! AHH-

The Monster Who Will Always Wait - Nightmare!Sans - Finished

Small kraken mer becomes BIG KRAKEN MER!!!!!! Leviathan sized drama, with some sweet romance. I followed this one from the day it was posted to the day it finished and I loved every second.

Dire Wolf - Horror!Swapfell!Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

You get two new coworkers, who have some unusual habits surrounding food, leading you to make them lunch!! As you grow closer, their histories and rivalries come to light. It's hella good and I love the character dynamics.

Uncomfortably Similar Situations - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Finished

Horrortale!Sans brings you home like one would a starving stray cat. There are ups and downs but everything turns out alright :]!!

The Sound of the Sea - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

More mer content!!! But Underfell Sans this time ! There are only 3 chapters so far and it has me wanting more!! I love this so much...

Sweet Deceptions - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Fake dating!!!!! What more can I say ;D Well, I can say a lot more, like how fantastic this fic is with the escalation of the fake relationship, but I'll leave yall to find that out for yourselves :]

Dream Catcher, Nightmare Snatcher - Nightmare!Sans - Ongoing/Unfinished

HRHHGH Nightmare gets stuck in a Venom-esque situation with you, and you both suffer the consequences. You're both menaces to each other in this, it's great.

Coffee and Chaos - Underfell!Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Reader ends up inheriting their mom's tenants, a pair of skeleton brothers. It's a nice slice of life!! Also, he/they reader ftw \o/!!

Canids love bones - Bad Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

In this, the reader is a monster with a really fluffy tail and a tragic past. They just keep getting bothered by these skeleton dudes and eventually end up joining them. Fun read! I like monster readers.

Train Station Blues - Mafiafell!Sans/Reader - Discontinued

Sadly discontinued :( Still a really solid fic and an enjoyable read!!! I adore the 1920s as a setting...

What is This, A Hallmark Movie? - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Christmas fic!! The reader does not like Christmas, and Stretch tries his best to get them to enjoy it regardless. It doesn't work out too well... but everything is alright in the end. I loved Stretch's determination jkfdhgkjdfg hes trying so hard...

Story of the perfect vessel - Various Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Really interesting premise!!! You're a parasite that took over this dying human's body and are now puppeteering it around. Then you meet a buncha skeletons, but you're still a parasite with no sense of what being human is like!! Love me some weird concepts.

America's Unluckiest (Luckiest) Almost-Astronomer - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Yaayyyy! You get isekai'd into a hot mess of a universe, brimming with skeletons, skeletons and more skeletons! There's some weird stuff going on, but surely it'll be fine.

All is Fair in Love and Prank Wars - Sans/Reader - Finished

Hey! Another 2016 fic! The reader starts a prank war with Sans. Gets angsty but everything gets better in the end. I really enjoyed it :> Reader is named in this, but for some reason that didn't bother me like it usually does lol

Mr. Fear - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

This is an interesting one. It's set in a mashup of various AUs (e.g. Swapfell Alphys and Underfell Papyrus) but not in like. a multiversal machine malfunction sorta deal. Anyway, it's got a fun plot and I really enjoyed it :]

Cheshire Kitten - Underswap!Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

The reader is a shapeshifter who prefers to be a cat! (Mood) And they use that to deal with problems large and small. It's real sweet and makes me also want to be able to turn into a shapeshifting cat.

it's just me and an overly enthusiastic skeleton; trying to solve a murder. - Underswap!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Ah, I love ridiculously long titles. Saves me time. The title also acts as a summary, and it's really fun!! Monster murders must be horrible to make a case for, since you can't inspect the body for evidence...

Ship of bones - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

PIRATES!!!!! I love the action and drama in this one, it's so fun! Also features a lot of scary skeletons. I loved reading about the reader giving them the slip >:3c!!

A Sea of Hope - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

MORE pirates!! This one features a skeleton reader <33 I love the backstory and lore... also the reader is so teeny compared to Axe :DDD

You Know Where To Find Me - Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I am so invested in this premise (Papyrus is the mascot of monsterkind and you are his assistant) and both of you are tired after having a string of terrible employers/employees kjhkjdfg,, I'm so excited to see where this goes, it's been fun so far.

=========================

ONESHOTS

Seeing Double - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Twin shenanigans. TWIN SHENANIGANS AT COFFEE SHOPS! I can't say more without spoiling things so just go read it!!! Reader(s) are named but moreso for Twin purposes.

Somethin' Special - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

More coffee shop AU! Very cute. SO cute. They're both awkward and silly and its SO sweet.

Daguerreologue - Sans/Reader, Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot/Series

Actually a oneshot that's part of a series, but I just liked this one the most (you should also go read the rest of the series, it's really good too!!!)

Feels like a little snapshot of a soft, warm life, worn by time. It's just a really nice fic! Good for feelin fuzzy inside.

Looking for Something - Sans/Reader - Oneshot

The reader loves to people watch, and draw the people they see. Some of which, are monsters ;)! Superrrrrrrrrr cute. Suuuuuuuuuper super cute.

FIGHT ME!! - Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Not to be mistaken for Fight Me! by MsMK or Fight Me! by Little_old_lady (both of which are very good!!!!!!!) This fic DOES however use the same basic premise/prompt except with Sans as the nurse and it's SIMILARLY fantastic. I love nurse Sans in this.

If yall know of more UT fics with this title/concept please tell me so I can make this stupid joke a third time.

Dates are dumb - Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Sans has a really bad blind date, but his server comes to the rescue!! Really cute!

This was supposed to be smut, idk what happened. - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

As the title says, notably not smut. Sexy and very charged? Absolutely.

It's a soulmate AU where the reader is a mob boss making a trade of sorts with their rival, Sans. He shows off the goods before the trade is accepted.

Light of My Life - Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Very sweet!! The reader has magic that allows them to hear magic, and they let Papyrus listen in.

and i will love you on purpose - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

As you've probably noticed, 99% of the oneshots I rec here are super cute, and this is no exception djkfgkjgfh 5+1 of kissing Horror, it's bitesized and adorable.

Stargazing - Sans/Reader - Oneshot

A little slice of happiness set before the barrier went up. Sans and the reader are kids and it's very very sweet.

It's Raining Right Here (They/Them Edition) - Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Veryyyy cute snapshot of romance with Papyrus <3!!!!

General Misconception - Megalosomnia!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

I love the Megalosomnia AU and I also love Papyrus. This has both :] I won't spoil things, but General just wants to be helpful :))

And speaking of Megalosomnia...

Delirious - Megalosomnia - Dr. Baggs/Reader - Oneshot

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

>:3c I usually try avoid too much explicit content for these lists but listennnnnnnn I love good and fun characterisation MORE than any conviction I have to that, plus I've broken that rule already.

Anyway senseless justification aside, I freakin loveeeee how much characterisation gets packed in here, it's delicious!! You get to know so much about the dynamics and workings of the relationships in this universe it's great.

Relearning - Ink!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

The reader breaks her arm and has to relearn how to draw. Cue Ink! It's really sweet!!

Turn The Page - Swapfell!Skelebros/Reader - Oneshot

This one is actually part of a series but I just really like this one hjsdfgjhf,, I love festivals and markets!! The reader is so awkward and jumpy and I'm like. ah. a kindred spirit.

Meet Cute Oneshots - Various - Oneshot/Series

Cheating again by linking a series. As the title implies, it's a bunch of meet cutes!! My favorites (as of writing) are the second, fourth and fifth in the series ^^!!

the thing about axe - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

You go for a nice walk in the woods with Axe :) I love how it this one plays with emotions and atmosphere for the audience, because the reader (character) is mostly oblivious to Axe's history.

hottie hotline - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Really sweet and funny. Red gets stuck in an elevator. THE FUCKING ENDING GOT ME. HRHFKFJFKDNDK

A Conversation Starter - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

First times for both of them! A snapshot of these two stumbling through a conversation with a human/monster for the first time. It's adorable.

Soulmate of the Century - Nightmare!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Soulmate AU where you can't harm your soulmate. You really just wanted some ramen, man.

Kabedon - Swapfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Kabedon the skeleton!!! Razzy doesn't get the appeal, so you explain it to him ;))

Cuddles of Doom - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

DOOMYYYYY!!! I love the dialogue here. Doomy is the most precious kitty ever and Papyrus is very cute.

Café - Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Short and sweet!! (Lightly) tsundere Papyrus is very cute dfjkghkfjg <3

A Blue Valentine - Underswap!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

It's Valentines, and you're crushin'~ Both of them are soooooooo sweet in this.

You'd Be Goo Where You Stand - Sans/Reader - Oneshot

True to the title I am goo where I stand. I'm all gooey and gushy it's so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeee. THEY'RE MARRIIIIIEDDDD,,,,, and there's a sequel??? SO cute.

First Meeting - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

UF!Papyrus is a very worried parent and the reader is sweet as hell. I just think there's also something really funny about Papyrus calling Frisk a SLIPPERY SNAKE jkdhfjghfdg

=========================

MISC. / OTHER

Full Deck - ? - Ongoing/Unfinished

Hysterical flip of every reader insert ever written. Can be simply summed up as "skeletons desperately dodging various reader's advances", but that is nowhere near close to describing this fic. It's really funny, and if you haven't read it, you should.

Not quite a /reader, so it goes here lolol. The reader is more something that happens to the skeletons.

No fin new about it - Bad Sanses||Nightmare's Gang&Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

SUBNAUTICA AU!! With timeline fuckery! I just like big mer skeletons. And Subnautica. It's a real fun time.

Bits Of Spaghetti - Various&Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

This fic treats bitties in a really interesting way!! Veryyy cool origins, and very interesting dynamics between characters. Reader is an old man, and he just kinda wants to make puppets and dolls and have a nice quiet life. Unfortunately, skeletons.

Don't give up, Y/n! - Various&Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

I do not have any kids but this fic makes me feel like a worried parent. It also makes me feel like I need to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes. It's great, really. Just makes me so stressed. They're just a kid... definitely heed the tags for this one.

Down The Mountain, Under The Door - Underswap!Papyrus&Reader - Oneshot

Monsters are giant sized !! Or humans are tiny. Either way, Underswap Papyrus comforts the reader after accidentally spooking them pretty badly. I love myself some good ol' unintentional fearplay and intentional comfort.

The Bucket List - Various&Reader - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

Hoo boy. The reader creates a bucket list, intending to die at the end. It's story about depression and recovery and it's really really good.

Heart on the Table - Ongoing/Unfinished

MADE ME CRYYY,,, Sans and Pap end up taking care of Frisk and honestly just go read it it's very sweet and sad and good. Frisk is just a kid!!!!!! AHHH

Broken Bones (and Sticks and Stones) - Finished

CRIES!!!!!! You know Handplates AU. I know Handplates AU. Featuring: extremely complex familial feelings!!!! Papyrus has a kid, and she is the SWEETEST. Another of my favorite fankids!! FLORAAAAAA <33

This of course, with Gaster being Gaster in this AU, makes everything even more complicated. It's really good and made me cry. Please read it. Papyrus is the best mom.

Jamais Vu - Oneshot

HGH... this one is like a punch to the gut but in a really good way. Both because of the absolutely incredible writing and also because it was the first Undertale fic that this author has posted since 2017, and gave me a scare when I opened my email.

Letters to a Friend - Oneshot

Another by the same author, but from 2016. My HEART?????? The King Papyrus ending always hurts me so... hhhrhhhhghjkdf,,

OH, I WAS BEING SARCASTIC - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

It's more Papyrus Angst! This is just going to happen every time I do one of these, probably.

He would never take a vacation for any reason...

Sonata - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

More Papyrus Angst. Sometimes a melody can say more than words.

Broken Trust (Re-upload) - Finished

What's this!! Even more angst?! You bet! It's Swap flavoured this time though.

Sans is not actually a monster, and Papyrus is horrified when he finds out. Very very good and sad, with a happy ending. Paps is not great in this, but he comes around :( I really really love the concept of this fic, and I think it was executed really well.

I'm Feeling Fine, Kid - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes]

Soooooooooooo fucked up but it's also like. one of the formative fics of my existence. I could've sworn this was in one of my other lists, but apparently not. Fucked me up big time back when I first read it sdjkhjhf, read this if you wanna hurt and then get tentatively put back together.

If you've read Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach and you liked that, you might like this too. Lots of Papyrus Angst, but this one has even more Sans Angst!

Stones and a Glass House - Oneshot

[Warning: Contains Discussions of Explicit Content.]

Want a break from the sudden deluge of angst??? Try this, it's kinda a crackfic, and very funny.

Love when brothers get to tease each other mercilessly. They talk pretty candidly about explicit content, so heed the warning LMAO. Very very funny though.

=========================

SANSCEST/PAPCEST

AH SURPRISE! I didn't want to make a whole new list since I have way less of these on hand, but I also really wanted to recommend them lol. If this ain't your thing, then this list ends here -u-)b

fox in the coop - Sanscest (Dust/Horror/Crop) - Ongoing/Unfinished

Ouuuhhhhh I am so unwell over this fic. It hurts so good. Hidden identity bullshit to the max!! I don't even know where to begin with this one, but it's fantastic, go read the summary at least. Dust is so normal about everything. Totally.

Also, Dust gets chickens!!

Colors - Papcest (Spicyhoney || Underfell!Papyrus/Underswap!Papyrus) - Ongoing/Unfinished

Ahhhhh language barriers my beloved. Falling in love despite language barriers my beloved!!!

It's got some real good drama and lovely lovely writing. I love it a whole lot :]]

VILLAIN HOTLINE - Sanscest (Bad Sans Poly) - Ongoing/Unfinished

Bad Sans Chatfic. Wait wait wait hear me out!!! COME BACK. THERES AN ACTUAL STORY.

The chatfic parts are pretty fun, and the developing horror plot even more so! Universes and people are glitching, which spells a bad time for everyone!!!

You Have One (1) Unread Message - Sanscest (Bad Sans Poly) - Ongoing/Unfinished

Similar to the one above, this fic has a similar concept (crack chatfic that devolves into plot and horror)

Genuinely quite terrifying, even when viewed through Killer's strange apathetic POV (which is ALSO fascinating in it's own right).

Little (NOT LITTLE) Red Riding Hood - Papcest (Spicyhoney) - Finished

Really fun twist on Little Red Riding Hood!! Red also gets to wear a frilly nightcap and nightgown in this, which is a fun image.

So You Didn't Want to Marry a Mage - Papcest (Spicyhoney + BG. Mapleblossom) - Ongoing/Unfinished

Ahhh I love fics where a character gets to learn magic from another character... this one is hella cute!!! I love a lot of this author's works but this one in particular is one of my favourites :>

=========================

Did you have fun scrolling forever? I had fun putting this together.

There are a total of 90 fics here! I wanted to do 99 since it's the 999999999th anniversary of Undertale this year, but I'm tired so 90 will do. That's already so many. 90 in fact. Also my phone started to lag while scrolling so perhaps it's for the best.

If yall have any recs for ME, please drop them by my askbox, I (obviously) love reading jkshdgjkfh,,, I'm generally up for rereading stuff, so dw if you reckon I've read something before :]!!

Also, if you haven't already, you should check out my FIC REC MASTERLIST for previous (and future) fic rec lists (from me, specifically).

[basu-shokikita]

Skwisblocked, a Klokllege fic

I really like @kaanagen's Klokllege AU about the boys going to college, so I decided to write a little one-shot based on Skwisgaar and Toki's dynamic in it. You can read the full post of her AU here!

Plot: Toki comes up with a bit of an unusual method to deal with his (seemingly) unrequited feelings for Skwisgaar.

As usual, full fic under the read more but you can also read it on ao3. Amazing art by Kaana also 🫶💖

As usual, they had the last shift at the antique shop, which means it was their job to close the thing down, leave the place tidy and make sure the door was locked so no accidental shoplifting happened. Again. Toki wasn’t looking to get fired, so he was extra cautious with the keys now.

By the corner of his eye, however, he noticed a girl standing outside. She had long brown hair, silver hoops and a denim jacket over her loose, airy dress. A customer that came too late?

“Um, sorries, we ams closed.” He told her.

“Oh, no, it’s okay.” She smiled. “I’m just waiting for someone.” Her eyes darted to the inside of the store before looking away.

Ah. 

Toki went back into the store and heard Skwisgaar whistling as he arranged the boxes behind the desk, totally unaware of the exchange that had transpired. Toki opened his mouth and then closed it, choosing to turn off the remaining lights instead.

He liked Skwisgaar. He really liked him. What was there not to like, anyway? Skwisgaar was handsome, cool and really talented at the guitar. Maybe he was sort of grumpy, but it only added to his aloof demeanor. So it wasn’t surprising to him at all that he was so popular with girls.

That didn’t mean he was happy about it. 

__

About five minutes later, they were coming out of the back of the store. As Skwisgaar dunked the plastic wrap on the trashcan, Toki dared to ask. “Anythings funs for tonights?”

Skwisgaar closed the trashcan and rubbed his hands together. “Sleeps.” He walked down the alleyway, with Toki following quickly. “What abouts you?” A sly smirk. “Hangs with the college bands nerds?”

Toki wanted to act offended, but he couldn’t hold back a smile. “Very funnies.”

“Ja, dats my second names.”

“Reallies?”

“...Noes.”

Toki hesitated for a moment. “Does you wants to eats-”

“Hi!” They had barely crossed to the pavement when the girl came running to them. Before any of them had time to react, she continued. “I came by the store earlier.” She bit down her bottom lip, glancing at Skwisgaar.

“Oh.” Skwisgaar grinned. “Finds somethingks whats you likes?”

She giggled and, if there was any doubt remaining in Toki’s mind about her intentions, it was completely gone now. “You free tonight?”

“Wells-”

“W-We ams abouts to goes eats a borgers!” Toki impulsively got in between them. “We ams really hungries after works.” He rubbed his belly dramatically to emphasize the statement. “Buts you cans come pals if you wants?”

The girl’s gaze alternated between the two of them with surprise. “Sure?” She said, kind of confused. 

Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow at Toki but said nothing. He wasn’t lying, he really did want to ask Skwisgaar to grab dinner together. And just because he didn’t manage to get the words out before she arrived, didn’t mean he had to give up.

Right?

__

“Byes!” Toki bid his classmates farewell, before making his way for his next class. Although, checking his mail, he realized the professor had canceled the class that morning. Awesome, that meant he had time for a quick nap under the sun. Maybe pet some of the kitty cats in the grass. He was so grateful that this college allowed cats to lounge in the park, it was the perfect distraction on stressful days.

Merry on his way he was, when he spotted his other favorite distraction sitting at a nearby table. “Oh!” He raised his hand enthusiastically. “Skwisgaa-” But the word dropped out of his mouth when he realized Skwisgaar wasn’t alone.

Toki hid behind a bush as he spied on them. The girl sitting in front of Skwisgaar had blonde hair picked up in a high ponytail and rosy cheeks. She was wearing a white cardigan with a plain blue top underneath. Her auburn eyes seemed sweet and the way she stared at Skwisgaar was anything but platonic. 

Toki turned around and breathed in deeply, holding tightly onto his books. When he glanced at his books, an idea scoured his mind. 

__

“Skwisgaar! Skwisgaar!” Toki ran towards, shouting his friend’s name.

“Toki?” Skwisgaar called his name in confusion, only to be flabbergasted when Toki dropped his books dramatically on the table. “Whats?!”

“You gotsa helps me!” Toki cried out, pointing at his books. “This financements class! It ams killings me!”

Skwisgaar clenched his jaw. “Tokes, ams in the middols of somet’inks right nows.” He glanced at his companion. “You knows?”

As if he hadn’t noticed her, Toki turned towards the girl. “Oh, Gods! Cans you helps me? I has a tests comings up and-”

“Toki!”

“Oh, it’s no big deal!” She smiled gently and Toki almost felt bad for crashing their date. “Are you guys friends?”

“Ja!”

“Noes!”

She laughed heartily, extending her hand to Toki. “I’m Jennifer, Skwisgaar’s classmate.”

Toki extended his hand back. “Ams Toki!”

“Well, Toki,” Jennifer said, inspecting his books. “I think I know a thing or two about finances.”

He smiled, amazed that his plan had worked. “Reallies?”

Skwisgaar, on the other hand, was completely baffled. And Toki? Toki felt ecstatic over his newfound power.

–

From then on it just kept happening.

Like when Toki was heading to the club and he found Skwisgaar and a short girl with curly red hair at the fountain. The sun was setting which made the location all the more attractive, with the golden reflection of the water bouncing back on their faces. They were dangerously close, with Skwisgaar holding her waist, whispering sweet nothings into her so Toki had to think fast. 

“No ways!” He pointed at the couple. “Skwisgaar, you dumpeds Jennifers?”

Whatever romantic mood there was, it completely dissipated as Skwisgaar turned towards him like he had seen a ghost. “Heugh?”

“Jennifer?” She took a step back. “Who’s Jennifer?”

“Jennifers!” Toki answered quickly. “The sweet girls Skwisgaars was goings out with de other days! Why you does that, Skwisgaars? She ams so nices!”

The red-head turned towards Skwisgaar and he put up his hands instantaneously. “Waits-”

“Asshole!” She slapped Skwisgaar right across the face. 

“Augh!” Skwisgaar rubbed the swollen cheek. 

“Wowee!” Toki was surprised by the sight but she glared at him with anger. “Um,” He tried to look for candy in his pocket, as she approached him. “Does you wants-”

She smacked him in the face. “You too!” She said and strode away.

“Yous cheatingks on yous boyfriends, too!” Skwisgaar yelled at her, still massaging his cheek. “Whats?!” He barked at Toki.

__

Or when he interrupted Skwisgaar’s meet-cute at the library by constantly asking the girl about bugs. 

Or when he surprised Skwisgaar and the girl he was evidently planning to sleep with by waiting at his dorm because it was ‘guitar night’ and played songs for her under Skwisgaar’s annoyed stare.

Or when he kept sending drinks ‘on the house’ for the girl Skwisgaar had come with, at the bar he also worked part-time at. He got fired soon after, though.

Or when he-

“Dats it! Ams done!” Skwisgaar screeched, pants entirely soaked because Toki dropped soda on him when he was asking Skwisgaar’s date about her hand-made skirt. She left while laughing at Skwisgaar, obviously. “What does you wants?!”

Toki feigned innocence. “What you means?”

“You ams been ruins kings my dates for weeks! Weeks, Toke! Can’ts remembers the last times I gets laids!”

Pride swelling in his chest, Toki tried not to smile. “I just wants to pals, Skwisgaar! And dese ladies ams so nice soez I can’ts helps it.” He looked down in pretense shame.

Skwisgaar squinted at him for far too long, and Toki feared he had seen his through motives. “...You wants a goils?” He asked.

This could be the moment. This could be it, when he finally admitted to Skwisgaar how he felt. In the american movies Toki had seen, this is when the confession would happen. And Skwisgaar would like him back, and they would be happy forever after.

“Uh, ja! I wants a goil…friends, haha…” He scratched the side of his face, laughing awkwardly. Reality wasn’t so perfect like those movies.

“Wells, den just says dats.” Skwisgaar rolled his eyes. “I cans sets you up with somes goils. Just stops beingks dildos.”

“Haha, okays!” Toki agreed, slinging an arm around Skwisgaar’s. “Whats abouts a Marios Karts before works?”

Skwisgaar’s face was still severe, brows furrowed when he looked at Toki. However, his expression swifty softened. “Fines.”

“Hoorays!” Toki cheered, pulling his vintage console from his messenger bag. “Ams gonnas destroy yous!”

“Eugh, keeps dreamingks, littol dildo.” Skwisgaar said, though he was smirking. “Mademes Peaches and me ams a pretties good teams.”

“Yoshis and Tokes ams betters!” Toki countered, laughing too.

As they walked away, he wondered if he’d ever have the bravery to tell Skwisgaar the truth. If he’d ever had the courage to ruin what they had for a meek gamble. 

Perhaps one day, but definitely not this one.

[redsrooftopprincess]

I love absolutely everything you've posted for Raph, and I was reading through your disability HC again, and if you have time. Could you do a small fic or headcanons of Raphael getting a massage from his beautiful to help relieve some of his pain?

I'M SO SORRY I tried to write this THREE TIMES THREE DIFFERENT WAYS and make it sweet and heartfelt....

But the boy wanted smut.

Where There's Smoke

Fem reader x Raphael

🌶️🌶️🌶️

Warnings: marijuana, smut

If you're a minor *makes a shooing motion* go'way.

The cloud you exhale hangs in the air, curling around the lamplight. You sit in the warm comfort of your apartment, sat sideways, legs draped over Raphael's lap on the loveseat. He reaches over and plucks the joint from your outstretched hand.

"mmm..." you say, smiling, as he takes a long drag. You lean your head against the back of the couch, and close your eyes with a sigh, as the indica flows through your system and washes away a truly shitty week.

When you open them, he is exhaling nearly half the joint. You laugh and wave the smoke out of your face. It look a lot to get the turtles high. Mike and Donnie were still working on a strain powerful enough to do the job, but it was slow going and more of a fun pet project than a priority.

However, you know better than to take more than one *small* hit of the boys' weed. You only had to make that mistake once.

You love nights like this. His very rare nights off, when it's just the two of you hanging out in your apartment. When you could convince him to smoke with you it was even better, because, for a few hours, his pain was a little more manageable.

You swing your legs off of him and he groans quietly when you push off of his thigh to stand up. "Shit! I'm sorry! Are you okay?"

He laughs gently, "Yeah. No, it's fine. Felt good, actually." He sighs, "Rough week."

You tilt your head to the side and look down at him for a moment before your eyes narrow the corner of your mouth turns up slowly. He knows that look. You have an idea.

He's a little more than slightly worried as he watches you dash out of the living room and down the hall into the bathroom. There is a reason you and Donnie are best friends. This could go in literally any direction. You return a few moments later with a bottle in hand.

You walk around to the front of the couch and, tug on his jeans, "Lose 'em," you say. It wasn't weird for him to get comfortable at your house. You'd patched him up enough times that seeing him in his underwear was pretty normal.

You set down the bottle of lotion on the coffee table, and walk away to grab a towel. He squeezes his eyes shut and rubs his forehead when the realization hits him. "(Y/N), you really don't have to do this."

You ignore him, and return, setting the towel on the table.

He sighs, sitting up, "Seriously, (Y/N) you don't have to do this -"

"Shut up." You say firmly, but not unkindly, looking up from what you're doing. His beak snaps shut. You didn't get firm with him often, so when you did, he paid attention. "You do everything for everyone else, let someone take care of you for once." The gaze you held had no room for argument, and he sighs and stands up, removing his jeans. He gives you an exasperated look during the entire process.

You can't help but steal a glance at his thighs as he sits back down. The way the muscles move beneath his scarred scales makes your mouth water.

To say you are holding a torch for the terrapin would be a lie. It's more like a barely controlled forest fire. He was beautiful in so many ways, and if it didn't make him so uncomfortable you would compliment his body more often.

You instruct him to rest one foot on the coffee table and you straddle his leg, knowing that making any kind of difference was going to require a lot more strength than was in your hands.

"Y/N..."

You reach forward and flick the middle of his forehead without looking, while you snatch the bottle off of the coffee table with your other hand.

"Ow! Hey! What the hell was that for?!" He exclaims, rubbing his head.

"I heard you the first time," you say casually, not looking up from pouring the lotion into your palm.

You rub lotion between your hands to warm it up, before pressing your hands down just above his knee and using nearly your entire weight to push along his quad.

"mmm fuck..." He groans, sinking back further in the couch, no longer interested in protesting as his eyes fall closed. You press your lips together, trying to ignore how hot that was and failing miserably.

In your intoxicated state, you may not have thought this whole thing through.

You had been growing closer. You're not sure when it happened, but touches have become softer, hugs longer. You drift to each other's side, even if you start out on opposite ends of a room. It was something both of you noticed, and neither of you acknowledged.

Your friendship has continued as if nothing has changed, but mundane moments are becoming more intimate, and intimate moments more frequent, and right now you were straddling his thigh and the soft groans and sighs you were pulling from him with every ministration were doing nothing for your composure.

Between the weed and the massage, this is the most relaxed he's felt in a while. He thinks to himself that he's going to have to do something really nice for you later.

You, however, are experiencing the exact opposite effect. The drug has made your body more sensitive, and with every brush of his leg between yours as you move along his thigh, ripples of sensation move up and out. You really hope he's too high to notice you shiver.

He shifts his weight, raising his leg, and accidentally brushing against your core. The small sound that escapes you makes both of you freeze.

That tiny sound, barely louder than a whisper had gone off like a gun shot in his head, shutting down every other one of his senses that wasn't completely honed in on you. There was no way that actually just happened, right?

He looks down at you, while you look away, face burning. There's no way he doesn't know your into him now, and now you've made things weird and awkward. You try to come up with a way to brush off what just happened, terrified of what he must think of you.

The only thing he's thinking is that whatever he has to do to get you to make that sound again, he's gonna to do it. And then he's gonna do it again.

Taking your chin in his hand, he turns you to face him as he places the other on your waist. Holding your gaze with a curious expression, your heart pounds as he pulls his leg off the table so that his foot is on the floor.

He flexes, his thigh pressing into you, and you shut your eyes, drawing a shuddering breath as you feel a flood of warmth at your core. You scent blooms upward into him and his grip around your waist tightens, while his other hand also falls to your waist. When you open your eyes, he is looking down at you with a dark smirk. That was all the validation he needed.

He pulls you up and then back against his thigh, watching your eyes fall closed and your mouth fall open. Your breathing stutters as your hips involuntarily rock against him. When he presses up harder against you, a moan is torn from your throat and you have to brace yourself on his leg.

He grabs the leg in between his own and pulls you up and it over, so that you're straddling his waist. He crashes his lips to yours, the weed making everything hazy and dream-like, and you open to him gladly, tangling his tongue with your own.

His hands slide up your waist, and you only separate for a moment, to help him remove your shirt, before crashing back into him like a wave. When you rock your hips against the growing bulge in his boxer briefs, his mouth is ripped from yours in a groan.

You reach for him, almost desperately, to bring his mouth back to yours, but he removes his hands from your waist and places them on your shoulders to stop you, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Wait... Sweetheart..." He's panting and trembling and it's taking all his restraint to not buck his hips into you, "If we keep going, this is gonna happen... And I need to know it's not just the weed. That this is really what you want..."

He looks at you and everything in him was screaming to just take you. You've wanted her since the day you met. She's ready. She's *more* than willing... but he's not an animal. And if it's not what you actually want it would ruin your friendship.

You look up at him in disbelief, also trembling. Sliding a hand to the back of his neck, you pull him down to you, brushing your lips against his with a whispered, "It is."

You're not sure when or how you ended up against the wall, with him grinding his thigh against your cunt, but you are not complaining. In fact, the only intelligible thought screaming through your veins at the moment is

MORE.

You grind hard against him, clenching around nothing, and in a moment it feels like you might drown in the emptiness. You whimper into his mouth. "Raph... Please..."

He doesn't need to be asked twice. He carries you to your bedroom, his mouth never leaving yours, and lays you on the bed. Detaching your legs from him he grabs the waistband of your cotton shorts and and removes them and your soaked panties in one motion

He looks at you, for just a moment, naked and trembling and wanting HIM, and he commits the sight to memory, before smirking like the devil and diving in like a man starved.

"Fuck! " you cry, arching, as he licks a stripe up your cunt, drinking your arousal like wine, savoring you on his tongue. You're already so sensitive. His tongue swirls around your clit and you shudder as pleasure ripples through your body.

He licks up your slit again and again, before pulling your thighs further apart and fucking you with his tongue. The soft feeling of his tongue curling inside you lights up your nervous system like a Christmas tree, and soon you're a trembling, whimpering mess.

You almost protest as his tongue leaves you, but it's quickly replaced by an oversized digit pushing into you slowly. His tongue returns to your clit, swirling and sucking, devouring you as the cord inside your center winds tighter.

Curling his finger up, and finding that secret spot inside of you, you feel as though you'd fall apart if he wasn't holding you together.

The cord pulls tight, and with a gasp, snaps. You come undone. With your hand on the back of his head, your moans ricocheting off the walls, you ride out your release.

You come back to consciousness as he's crawling up your body, having removed the last barrier between you. He attacks your throat, licking and scenting, giving you no time to recover, his instincts screaming for him to mark you as HIS.

His lips return to yours as he slides his own arousal against your folds, coating himself in your slick. He moans softly at your warmth and finally starts pushing into you slowly.

The way he stretches you fills you completely, and every inch feels like embers scattering through your body. You wrap your arms around his neck and press your forehead to his, whimpering and shuddering as he bottoms out.

He stills for a moment, trembling, attempting to control this breathing, not wanting this to be over before it starts.

With a shuddering breath he moves so slowly, pulling all the way out before returning to sheathe himself inside of you. He gradually finds his rhythm, and you move together pushing and pulling like a bellows, feeding the scattered sparks inside you.

He slides a hand under your thigh, hitching it up to go deeper.

As his speed increases, the embers catch inside your skin and set you alight. It almost feels like you can't breath for the fire in your veins, but you are somehow able to moan his name, so you're probably okay.

Keening moans escape you, and he swallows them greedily, kissing you with everything he has and everything he's ever wanted. Kissing you as if by doing so he could convince you to stay like this forever.

You feel your release building, and by the stuttering groans and whispers of your name, you can tell his isnt far behind.

You reach up and touch his face, and he lifts his head to look at you, never slowing. You wanted him to see, to know that you were there with him, that you were his.

You gasp, and with a cry you arch into him as the fire consumes you. He wraps an arm around you, holding you against him as he follows suit, moaning your name into your shoulder as he spills himself into you.

After a moment to catch your breath, you shiver as he pulls himself from you. Lying on his side to face you, he reaches out and pulls you to him holding you, breathless, as you both come down from your high.

Foreheads touching, eyes closed, you just breath each other in, both of you in kind-of-but-not-really disbelief.

He lifts his head and looks down at you. You open your eyes to meet his, and they shine with affection and gratitude and maybe something deeper, but that was a conversion for a different day.

"So..." he says softly, "when are we gonna do the other leg?" He grins as you laugh and slap him half-heartedly on the chest.

"You're a dick."

"You love it."

.....

He's not wrong.

.....

Tag list:

@thelaundrybitch @the-cauldron-witch @fyreball66 @ninnosaurus @tmntngl @thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos @zagreustomb @ramielll

[zahri-melitor]

Not that I would ever write a Titans Tower fic because of so many reasons but, if we gently massage the timeline just a lil bit here I can make such a better set of starting conditions than your average fic. That actually, you know, recognises when the story is set.

Teen Titans #29 is a December 2005 story, the same month that Dick agrees to work with Slade to train Rose (and proceeds to 'train' Rose as a villain by pointing out all the ways she needs to learn how to fight against the various members of the Society of Super Villains for the inevitable occasion they betray her dad. Oh Dick. You are so bad at being a villain. Anyway). The following month Roy shows up to go "what are you DOING DICK" at the request of Oracle and Dick kicks him around a bit in Nightwing #114.

But what if we shift events in Nightwing just a little forward, ahead of Teen Titans.

So then we can have this Roy-Dick-Rose are fighting Venom-pumped mooks fight scene...and Roy gets an emergency override from Oracle in his ear, letting him know that Titans Tower has gone into lockdown for some reason, setting off an alert.

Now, Mia's on the Teen Titans at this point. So Roy freaks out because Mia's supposed to be there and tells Dick who ALSO FREAKS OUT because the first information about the lockdown Oracle passes along has some detail about the alert giving very bad vibes (hinting that it's one of Jason's codes or something like that, or Tim's managed to set off a distress call or why am I overthinking this, it's a Titans Tower fic).

And Dick (still dressed as Ravager, I might add) turns around with Roy to go storm the Tower and figure out what has gone on, telling Rose "you wanted practice being bad? We're going to go break into Titans Tower".

And given it's Roy and Dick, they are immediately in agreement that they take Rose with them for a fun and educational trip (also Rose knows how to sneak around the Tower just as well as anyone, she's lived there before too while she was Lian's nanny, even though she's recently had her mental breakdown and stabbed out her eyeball an extra body who knows how the Tower works is helpful right now).

So the upshot of this and Dick using his very not-supposed-to-be-used JL transporter codes he nicked off Bruce, probably assisted by Dinah given she's an Actual JLAer at this very point in time and standing right next to Babs during all of these shenanigans, is that Jason Todd, in full weeb 'I'm not having a tantrum about no longer being Robin, honestly I'm not' costume turns around from fighting Tim and bearing down on him is a chick in what looks like a Deathstroke costume knockoff, a creepy red vigilante he's never seen before, and a fuming mad Roy Harper.

We go from there. Jason is having a very bad day.

There's also this angle where Dick's just been explaining to Rose exactly how bad news Talia al Ghul is almost immediately before all of this occurs, so if you want some dramatic irony there is another line to exploit...

[starzzmissthesun]

i think you should totally drop whatever hc/ideas you have lying around honestly...i would love to see more into ur brain...pls <33

:DD

Hi!!!! Sorry this is a little late, I got so distracted with an animatic im working on(😈) and then a stupid essay😭😭 being honest rn... Almost all of what I've been thinking about is my fic.. 😔

But!! I can still go a little into that without spoilers. I've finally figured out The Perfect ending for this story that I feel fits with the overarching themes I wanted to tell. I've been making sure that every little detail fits with the themes I wanted to show, I wanted it to overlap Regulus and barty's characters and their overarching themes with PD. I also didn't want to just replicate PD cause I feel like that doesnt have the depth or commentary I want to out into it. Idk ive always thought it's super fun to put everything as some sort of symbol or metaphor or foreshadowing. I'm like literally so close to being done drafting and then I can actually talk about it a little more😭

Anyways! I've also been thinking about barty post regs death 😔(when am I not) But more specifically how every memory he had would almost be tainted, everything now would have an air of questioning and unsureness. Even memories where Regulus isn't there, just wondering where was he? What was he thinking? Am I remembering this right? What could've I changed? What was the domino that caused all of this to happen? Eventually finding it hard to accept the way it really was, having the "I guess it was" and feeling it, but overintellectualizing it. His logic and reasoning is his downfall in this situation, that's what makes him go crazy. (Side note I NEED to make a little post about his intersection between intelligence and madness) Hes doing a complicated version of when there's a task that seems so simple that you think it's a trick, but it's not, it's just that. What happened with Regulus was just that.

Also, I've recently self reflected and realized that a lot of my barty characterization is similar to how I think of Leonard Cohen's art(who I LOVE LOVE LOVE) Idk if you've listened to him or read any of his work, but I HIGHLY suggest it, it's perfect for fall. Anyways, a lot of his songs and poems carry themes of having a twisted self image, not completely self deprication though it may seem, but something else. It's closer to understanding and knowing that you are. Different. And unconventional. It's an uncomfortablility he has with himself. Being soemthig twisted from what you should've been. A lot of his stuff is also to do with tragically losing someone, out of their own choice, and still feeling very loyal yet bitter. Also of loving something so much that it turns dark, or it goes too quick, it spirals. Also his love songs are very barty's perspective on bartylus to me. And like, obvious war mentions. I could give some specific recs similar to barty or them if you'd like.

Another thing is of Regulus and his relationship with his dad. Though I see it completely reasonable if his dad was just kind of, not there and neglectful, it could give very interesting implications to his character, I like it the other way around. Orion seeing what a more carefree attempt at raising a child does and keeping Regulus even closer than he did before. I think Orion always liked Regulus more, despite him being the second, because he was a model son. I don't think he wanted this life or even to have kids, so Regulus being so complacent and in line with what he was supposed to be as a pure blood made him the decided favourite(as much as he could have one). He was always keeping a close eye on Regulus and he could feel it, but he didn't do anything out of place anyways. Orion could tell when he was even thinking something he wasn't supposed to. I believe that, no matter how much she tried, walpurga was too caught in her own head about her duty as a mother to see S+R as anything other than Her Kids, as property that she was supposed to care for and tend to, she obviously loved them, but couldn't see through them. But Orion was there around every corner looking through regulus' eyes into his soul to search for any thing out of his perfect kid.

Anyways.... That's all I can think of rn😭 but if you have questions about ANY of them lmk!!! I love yapping about my little thoughts 😁😁

[thefriendlyferretwriter]

Weasel

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Ravenclaw!F!Reader

Summary: A back and forth with the infamous Fred Weasley sends the two nemeses into a back-and-forth that lands them in detention, where both their frustration and anger send them into a deep argument full of insults, tension, and revelations.

Warning: LONG, 8k words, lots of scene cuts becuz a LOT happens, rivals to lovers (not really, Fred's obsessed with reader and is a little shit), boy pulls on the pigtails of the girl he claims he dislike type trope, was forced to give reader at least a last name, same for her best friend ( went with one of the most generic name Tiffany), Fred being a little shit, argument, tension, reader is unhinged

A/N: Fun fact about this fic it almost included a Pygmy Puff before I checked and discovered that they were created by the twins for their shop and since they are still students I had to go and swap it up with a baby puffskein. No idea how to describe that fic, there will definitely be multiple parts, enjoy!

There are no other places like Hogwarts.

The scenery, the castle's secrets, and the yearly competition between houses are something to behold.

But what might be icing on the cake is the library. The place where I can lose track of time all the while learning about the magical world.

The library has a hush rule but you can't help the coughs, the few ink pots falling to the ground, or even the giggles here and there but it doesn't bother me one bit, it even helps me focus as I enjoy yet one more day in the castle.

"Hi there Raven."

And there goes my enjoyment.

With a roll of my eye, I direct them toward the annoying voice belonging to none other than Fred Weasley who stands there with his satchel on his side leaning against one of the book-filled shelves.

"Weasel," I acknowledge him with a sigh looking back down at my page.

"Weasley," he corrects drily.

I brush him off as I finish my inked sentence and wait for it to dry before turning the page and asking him what he's doing here.

He leans on the table by his hip and crosses his arms inclining his head towards me, "What is it to you?"

"You being here is a bad omen so either you're here to sell your stupid stuff to the first years," I say glancing at his sachel for a second before looking back down at my work, "Or it involves annoying me and I'm having a good day to waste it dealing with you today."

I don't look at him and instead focus on my next sentence when I hear some shuffling and a piece of rolled-up parchment drops next to me that I recognize all too well.

"You must be kidding me," I groan snatching the parchment from the table.

"Unfortunately no. McGonagall benched me and said that if I wanted to stay on the quidditch team I needed a tutor."

His speech makes me groan as the lines reiterate his rant in a distinguished manner and is signed at the bottom by Professor Flitwick.

"McGonagall sent me to Flitwick who recommended you. Said you needed tutoring on your record."

I let go of the paper and join my hands together placing my thumbs on the base of my nose to try and diminish the incoming headache.

"Soo," he draws out attracting my gaze, "See you later, I'll be waiting for your owl."

I see him walking backward, all cocky as he dares to wink at me before turning around and descending the spiral stairs.

I audibly scoff and slam my notebook closed.

Yet another day ruined by that damn Weasel.

"He's a pest."

"You're exaggerating again," she laughs at me standing up from her seat.

"No, I'm not!" I say shoving the last book in my bag as class just ended, "He's obnoxious and annoying and a nuisance to my peace," I stand up and follow right after her.

It's been a few days since my unfortunate meeting with the least likable Weasley in the library and the meeting with Professor Flitwick and McGonagall this early morning couldn't have gotten any worse since no amount of pleading on my part could get them not to assign me with him. As a supplement I had the redhead walk in on me pleading which had him reveling at my misery digging me into a deeper foul mood.

"He's a funny guy that sometimes goes too far," she says pushing a chair that wasn't tucked under its assigned table.

"He's the bane of my existence," I say full of venom.

She laughs walking toward the classroom's exit," That's romantic."

"No, saying someone is the bane of your existence isn't romantic."

"I'm sure you could turn it into something romantic, like a poem or a book about forbidden love," she daydream walking through the door.

"You read too many romance books," I say stepping outside the classroom when I freeze and feel like I'm going underwater as my body is iced out for a moment.

It feels as if I've been hit with glacius but I'm able to use my voice and squeal in shock as the feeling subsides and I'm brought back from my shock by two giggles.

I see two first-year Gryffindors laughing nervously before they simultaneously decide to run away, one of them letting loose on her wand that was levitating the bucket letting it fall on the ground with a loud clash.

I'm left in the middle of the open hallway surrounded by classmates who just exited their class.

The wind hits me and I feel my body shiver before I look up at my friend whose mouth is covered by her hands in surprise.

I hear it.

The annoying infuriating sound of distant laughter, one I cannot mistake for another.

My eyes zero on him sitting on the transfiguration courtyard's tree clutching his stomach as he laughs balancing himself on the branch.

"You were saying?" I ask her rhetorically still dripping in the pink-colored jelly-like liquid.

She lowers her hands and approaches me slowly trying to wipe my face.

I feel the bubbling of rage making its way up my throat with my breathing taking up seeing him seated up there on the branch looking like a king sitting upon the throne of his buffoonery surrounded by his brainless friends, or rather, George's brainless friends and it makes me snap.

I push her hand away and stomp my way through the hallway onto the courtyard's grass toward him.

"Weasley!" I yell as I march to him.

"Oh, now she remembers my name," he laughs out loud for his twin and his friends to hear as the number of students stopping by increases.

He slides off the branch with ease and starts strutting to me with this damn cocky smile.

George stands up from his leaning stance on the tree, "Fred," he says.

I don't know if it's a warning or a scolding but his intent doesn't matter to me.

My hearing is replaced with the beats of my heart drumming in my ears as my face feels as hot as lava.

My steps get bigger and bigger and the closer his infuriating smirk approaches, the rage escapes me as my hand swings back and closes into a fist before landing in his face mid-step.

The audible hit is met with a groan and while I'm far too small to send him to the ground with a punch it does send him swaying back and hunching over.

In a second George jogs to his twin and hands him support grabbing his elbow as Fred's groan turns into another one of his annoying chuckles.

"You see how she hit me?!" he shouts looking delighted by the situation before he lays his gaze back on me with a bit of blood on his teeth.

His smirk falls and I believe for a moment that I finally did it, I finally managed to instate fear in this jackass before I realize his gaze moved from my frame to someone behind me.

The buzzing in my ears ceases and my hearing comes back to me as the grass crunches under one's weight indicating someone approaching.

A cold sweat travels through my body when I turn around and spot none other than Professor Hooch standing tall in front of us.

By instinct, I take a step back and bump into Fred before jumping aside as if he burnt me which isn't far off as my knuckles are calling out for help burning and tingling from the impact it had on his cheek.

She sends us both one of her infamous hawk looks that could petrify Dumbledor himself, "I presume that display of violence can be explained by your appearance?" her pointed look is directed at me.

I try to wipe the substance off my hair with an annoyed huff.

Her eyes travel to Fred whose head is pointed down grabbing his chin and messing with his mouth moving his jaw from side to side.

"That rewards the both of you with an hour's detention," that answer makes him groan and I point at him with outrage.

"But he-!" My disbelief doesn't reach her before she cuts me off.

"You're both dismissed. Mr.Weasley, I advise you to escort your brother to the infirmary to tend to his injury. As for you, I advise you to go clean yourself up before heading to the infirmary as well, perhaps at a time Mr.Weasley won't be there," she finishes her sentence looking at George who acknowledges her insinuation with a nod.

Still clutching his jaw, Fred is led away by his elbow by George as Hooch walks to stand in front of me, "While I understand your frustration I did expect better from you than violence."

My eyes widen and the breath I take in is cut off, "He-"

"This isn't about Mr.Weasley's childish behavior, he will receive his punishment either way. What disappoints me is that you could've avoided any punishment by reporting this to me or any other professor in the area but instead, you will ecope of an hour's detention as well."

She says shaking her head as she walks away leaving me standing here in the courtyard covered in the substance and an aching fist that doesn't even feel satisfying knowing it didn't teach the jerk anything.

"Why is it so windy today?! I thought it was supposed to be sunny!" I complain trying to be louder than the wind.

"No it's supposed to switch all day, look," my friend says motioning to the daily prophet in her hands bringing the paper closer to my face so I can see the weather section indeed announcing an insufferable change of weather all day.

"You can still spot the puddles from the rain earlier," Luna Lovegood points to the Quidditch pitch where the grass is still two shades darker and the random puddles of water stir with strength from the wind blowing.

My venting is interrupted by a loud collision that sends me twisting around back to the pitch to see Gryffindor and Ravenclaw teammates fighting over the quaffle like rabid dogs in what is supposed to be an amicable match as a form of training.

"Remind me again what's the point of an amicable match if there is no amicability?" I ask turning to face them just to miss the apparent goal from a Gryffindor through one of the Ravenclaw's lowest hoops.

I groan when I recognize the face of the person who managed to pass our defenses as he basks in the small victory.

"What is it raven?! Can't take in the sigh of greatness?!" he gloats seated comfortably on his broom with his red hair all tussled.

His pretentiousness blinds him and his arrogance leaves him to ignore the whistle suggesting the match continues and leaves a fellow Ravenclaw to score in a flash right behind him. The only indicator that anything happened at all is the small thunder of applause and shouts of approval coming from the small gathering of students who decided to kill time and participate in the amicable match to cheer each team on.

His head whips around and the sight of the opposite team scoring sends him tilting his head back with a groan that he tries to conceal but it doesn't escape anyone's notice.

The karma is enough but it is so rare to catch the weasel in one of his life life-learning moments that I don't hesitate before deciding that I need to add my little grain of salt to the wound.

I have it, I have the perfect response to give him right on the tip of my tongue and I wonder for a second if the smirk grazing my lips isn't a giveaway but my witty taunt is stopped when a broom enters my line of vision.

"See?! I told you your presence would do me good. Look at that, bullseye!"

I'm sure he means no harm, I know him to be humble but the poor lad either didn't see Weasley or simply decided to ignore his presence.

The fact that he is being ignored after being wrecked is sickly satisfying and my smirk manages to widen somehow.

It is clear he simply didn't see Fred as this one's scowl sends him silently flying away in an awkward, one-sided staredown that ends with him glancing at me with an uncomfortable wide-eyed stare, silently asking for help.

I stare at him flying further and further away and only look back when I notice George approaching his twin on his broom.

His frustration is clear and the eye roll along with his head thrown back pleases me a great deal.

The devilish idea is too good and it doesn't take a lot of self-convincing before I fall for temptation.

"What is it Weasel, too busy drowning in your own ego you can't pay attention?!" I shout so my sickly honeyed voice reaches him and George as I tuck my now pastel pink hair behind my ears.

'The concoction should last less than a week. This Flemont Potter was a genius!' nurse Pomfrey said.

The scowl adorning his face fills me with warmth and electricity buzzes through my veins knowing I have the last word for once.

"Nice hair," he tries himself at a desperate dig that does not work as Professor Hooch whistles for him to fly back to the match.

Turning his back to me, he flies back to the center of the field I can't help but laugh realizing that it's the first time he turns his back to me without walking away with the last word.

The whistle is blown and the speed at which each team goes at the other's throat could cause whiplash if one wasn't used to it.

I'm focused on a group of players when my peripheral vision drags my eyes to my friend throwing the quaffle with all his strength leaving another small group of three players to speed away.

Taking a moment to take in his throw he looks back down and waves at me with a smile, satisfied with his play.

I wave back with a grin of my own before he disappears out of my sight as a bludger hits him straight in the back of the head with a resounding thunk throwing him off his broom and crashing to the ground.

I hear a loud yell and realize it comes from me as my body instinctively reacts and bolts toward the pitch.

Professor Hooch is already by his side by the time I run to his limp self.

"Is he okay?!" I get caught off guard by my friend reaching him and kneeling at his side before I do.

I stand there looking down at him in shock as people start surrounding the area trying to take a look at the wounded on the ground when I notice the Gryffindor team lowering themselves on the ground including the culprit.

His quidditch robe swings with each one of his steps as he walks towards the commotion very slowly like in a trance.

"You too bring a stretcher," she says shooing away both a Gryffindor and a Ravenclaw player.

I hear George Weasley calling after his brother who has now reached Professor Hooch kneeling on the ground

"Is he okay?"

How dare he. His filthy meek voice asking about his well-being as if he isn't the reason my friend is lying unresponsive on the ground.

That familiar boiling sensation in my chest rises again and I feel my fists clenching by themselves.

Before I can comprehend my thought process I am bolting toward him. Still, before I can reach him George jumps in front of him getting ready for whatever, a whatever that does not come as I am held up by the waist by two Gryffindor players sensing the hostility.

"What is wrong with you!" I holler up in the air struggling with all my might against the hold of the chasers which is useless against the player's strength.

The rest is a blur, George pushes the douche towards the locker room as I follow the stretcher closely to the infirmary.

"If you stare any harder you're gonna be the first third year student here to achieve wandless magic," she chuckles "It's you! You did this!" he yells shoving me back and sending me stumbling on the ground probably trying to get me as dirty as he is. back down at her textbook.

"False," I utter not leaving the weasel out of my burning stare.

I notice her raising her head from my side view in wonder.

"Granger," I state chewing on my thumb's fingernail.

The sight of him simply sitting there without any consequences under the excuse of 'it's part of the game, nobody can prove there were any malicious intents behind that strike' drives me mad and haunts my head with multiple scenarios of murder that keep replaying again and again.

"You have to let it go. Pomfresh said he'll be fine."

"He didn't deserve that strike it was targeted to piss me off because I got the last word," I say wincing when I realize I bit my thumb a bit too hard and drew some blood.

"It's part of Quidditch, many, many people took strikes to the head."

"Bullshit. A strike to the head during an amicable match? Come on," I roll my eyes frustrated that everybody seems so eager to just brush this incident off.

"I'm gonna start thinking you're checking him out and not actually glaring at him."

"Have you lost your mind?!" I say louder than intended, my head whipping left to glare at her this time.

There is no silence as the Care for the Magical Creature class takes place outside and the lack of chatter is covered up by the sound of wind rustling the nearest tree's leaves and the distant purrs and grumbles of the different creatures in their pen.

"Is there a problem?"

Unlike McGonagall or Snape, Professor Hagrid's tone of voice isn't accusatory but genuinely one of concern. This concern eats at me as the idea that he might believe even for a moment that my words are targeted towards him makes bile rise in my throat.

"No!" is my immediate response to reassure the professor but the rest of my explanation seems to be stuck in my throat as I have a hard time imagining myself explaining to the class that I was just defending myself at the mention of me hypothetically checking Weasley out.

That same person here in the open classroom with a side smirk plastered on his annoying face trying his best not to laugh at me, not because it would be rude but because not laughing at the right time alongside the rest of the class wouldn't be as satisfying as a full-on public humiliation.

I see Hagrid lowering his chalk and I can already foresight him asking what he might have done wrong which is not something you want to ask as a teacher in front of a bunch of ruthless teenagers.

His other hand joins in on the other starting to mess with his chalk making him appear anxious and way less mighty.

The awkwardness doesn't begin to measure to the remorse of having put him in this situation because of my impulsive nature.

"It's my fault!" my friend shouts in my defense.

Looking at her, Tiffany managed to snatch up a baby puffskein and hold it up to Hagrid's sight.

"I put him in her hair and she was afraid he would do a pooh."

The laughs are inevitable but I'm certain the 'do a pooh' will haunt my nightmare.

The mocking is a harmony of taunting and I can only look beside me to glare at her sitting there with the puffskein in hand as I wish he would just 'do a pooh' in her hands this instant.

At least Professor Hagrid seems reassured, smiles as the misunderstanding is cleared up, and turns back around to continue the lesson.

We're sent to different enclosures containing different creatures and are instructed to feed them to create a bond.

"Look at him acting casual as if he didn't send someone to the infirmary with a trauma to the head," I say full of venom seeing him being buddy-buddy with another Gryffindor girl as they try to feed Mooncalf in the open and have a laugh as they are surrounded by the eager herd starving for pets and seeds.

"Will you quit it and enjoy one of the only course that's relaxing here," she scolds kneeling closer to the ground to feed a diricawl who nibs at her finger affectionately before walking past her hand and pitter-pattering to her to lay his head on her chest to receive pats on his head.

"Plus you've already been told we can't know if the blow was on purpose."

"That's a load of bullshit and you know it, he's one of the best beaters here," I say with a pointed look at her throwing a violent handful of seeds towards the rest of the diricawls.

"Did I just hear you compliment Fred Weasley?" she says looking up at me with a teasing smile.

"It's not a compliment I'm just stating a fact, the probability of Weasley hitting someone right on the head by accident at such distance is close to none," I say throwing another handful as my eyes catch a paddock with dubogs in it, one in particular who is devouring the weasel with his bulgy eyes.

There are three dubogs in the small paddock and two of them are cooling off in the dirty pond uninterested in anything else but sunbathing with only their eyes above the murky water blinking one at a time as the third one is eating up Weasley with his eyes.

A devilish idea makes its way into my head. The opening I get is served to me on a gold platter as Tiffany is distracted by the herd of diricawl overtaking her landing her on the ground, surrounded.

My chance is heightened by Weasley's back turned to me talking with his little girlfriend.

I take my chance disregarding any rational thought invading my head. Sneakily climbing over the fence, I crouch and walk toward the desired enclosure. The creature doesn't seem to sense me approaching and if he does he doesn't seem to care one bit licking his eye and pawing the ground with his hind leg.

A part of me wishes I could egg him on and ask him if he wants to nibble on the Weasel's ankles but I'd rather not throw my plan out of the window. Instead, I carefully slide my arm to the latch and pull on it slowly to make sure not to make any noise before giving the door a small push to create the crack that seems to be enough to throw the creature out for a jog as he crashes against the paddock's door.

I don't get to see the seconds before the disaster as I have to hurry back and jump over the fence once again, running back to my friend and free her from the diricawl's clutches giving her a hand and raising her back up as the show starts.

The screams that grace my ears aren't from fear but more from shock as the tall redhead lands on the ground when I finally get to lay my eyes on him. The dubog licks him from bottom to top with the creature's natural dirt and slimey skin rubbing off on him as his Gryffindor girlfriend screeches for help calling for Professor Hagrid who runs up to help in a flash.

The man's height isn't only impressive and intimidating but also a great advantage to grab the massive creature off and drag it back to its enclosure where the other two are still sunk in the water, sunbathing and behaving.

Once shut close, Professor Hagrid grips the wooden bars of the enclosure to gather himself before turning around and helping Weasley up with just one hand gripping the back of his blouse. While he seems shaken up by the encounter, he tries to rub off some of the mud on his face but only manages to smear it looking around at the rest of us.

The reactions vary, some are as shocked as he is and others shrug off their worries and are now laughing at his appearance now that they've established that he is healthy and no longer in danger.

I myself giggle knowing that while I can't get him punished for his action back on the pitch, I get to watch him look like a fool and even up the score. My friend does not agree and lets me know by elbowing me in the ribs making me groan mixing laughter and painful grunts.

Laughter that is spotted by the redhead when his head whips to me before his eyes light up.

His eyes shift from eureka to burning hatred. Shrugging off the hand of his friend trying to tidy him up and storms in my direction.

"It's you! You did this!" he yells shoving me back and sending me stumbling on the ground probably trying to get me as dirty as he is. The confrontation is cut short when Hagrid once again showcases his immeasurable strength by yanking the weasel back with a tug on his now mostly white blouse and throwing him behind his eleven-foot frame that stands now right in front of me.

"Enough with the both of you!" his voice booms in the open area.

He takes a step back and I can get a peak at the redhead enough to see him huffing and puffing from being thrown around like a doll.

"This is a classroom, not a pub. Now the both of you will walk all the way up to Professor McGonagall's office and explain exactly why I had to send the both of you to her and she will be the one to give you your punishment!"

I look at him now, hair disheveled and his tie undone covered in dirt and mud and slime. He still looks somewhat decent as he pushes his hair back with a huff.

I must look just as messy with my pink hair having been thrown on the ground and I decide to tug at the end of my own blouse trying to tidy myself up and avoid any more wrinkles on it.

"Miss Granger, please accompany those two, you know what to do if they misbehave."

"She tried to kill me!" Fred yells pointing at me.

"Do you have any proof, Mr.Weasley?"

He seems to hesitate for less than a second before motioning to me with his hand in frustration.

"It's logical thinking, she hates my gut and she's crazy!"

"You jerk-!" I bellow throwing myself in his direction before I'm engulfed in the Professor's arms.

"Enough!" He yells once more letting me go only when I stop fidgeting in his hold.

"There is no way of proving the Miss did anything. This paddock's lock has been faulty for a while and after this incident, I will personally see that it is dealt with."

He says as if he was addressing the whole class who is still standing all around us watching the event unfold.

"As for the both of you, you will do as you're told and let Miss.Granger accompany the both of you back to the castle and receive the punishment the both of you deserve for the waste of both my time and your classmates' time."

The tone is harsh and the decision is final.

"I am very disappointed in the both of you. You're worth so much more than this petty rivalry," the man shakes his head walking away.

Those words seem to have the same result on both of us. We look down a bit ashamed before we are ushered away by Hermione as we start the long and silent journey back to the castle.

We both stand in silence, side by side with yet a respectable distance as the two professors stand in front of us with judgmental stares that don't need any words to transcribe their distaste…or is it disappointment?

We were sent to our respective bathrooms to clean up 'as best as you can' while my request to wash off completely was denied by both teachers and so here I stand with the back of my blouse tainted by dirt as Weasley could barely wash the slimy texture out of his own blouse and barely dry it with what I believe might have been a spell.

And so here he stands looking dirtier than me despite the order to clean up.

"Now that the awful stench has been managed I believe a proper punishment is in order," McGonagall says with her hands joined in front of her.

"I agree, my cauldrons are in dire need of a scrub," Snape says with his usual disinterested tone.

Weasley starts protesting and claims that I should receive a harsher punishment for my so-called actions.

"She tried to kill me!" he protests.

"And as I told you Mr.Weasley there is no way for us to possibly prove this claim as Professor Hagrid did not see any of this unravel."

"Just like no one saw you throw that bulger." I bite under my breath.

"Exactly Miss.Hermlock. And I would suggest you speak with your full chest if you have any objection." Mc.Gonagall drily berates me.

"Snape-Professor Snape," he quickly corrects himself, "said multiple times that in such cases veritaserum should be used, and since she's SO confident saying she didn't do anything she won't mind doing this, won't she," he says towering over my side.

"I've always known you were a moron but I never thought you would outdo yourself in front of teachers," I smirk crossing my arms.

"Mr.Weasley, even with Miss.Hermlock's permission, the usage of such beverage on a student is forbidden. I would've hoped that with a father working for the ministry, you out of all of us would remember that."

My smirk doubles in size which I thought would never be possible.

In the end, my smirk is wiped away when we are both awarded two hours of detention with Snape. And as if it wasn't enough the punishment is cleaning the endless potion class's cauldrons.

We're ordered to go clean up, thoroughly this time and go for lunch before being expected in the dungeons for our detention hours.

We arrive at the same time just as the last student exits the class, we are left standing side by side, or more precisely 3 feet away from each other as we walk in right in front of Snape's office where he is seated with his head down to his paper purposely stalling and letting us stand there in awkward silence.

What must've been minutes feel like hours as I try my best not to side-eye the redhead standing silently beside me.

I wonder if I should've refrained from opening that damn pen when I hear those continuous scraping of pen meant to insult us as the dark-haired teacher ignore our presence.

He finally puts his feather back in its inkwell before he stands resting both his hands on his desk, "I believe I don't have to remind you what you need to do during those two hours of detention."

Neither of us answers and that seems to egg him on to stand straight and walk around his desk to stand right in front of us, his hands placed behind him.

"You two will clean every single cauldron here, I made sure none of my classes cleaned their equipment to make sure the lesson will stick and you won't have to keep me company again on such a fine day," he says bending to my height and looking straight into my eyes for just a moment before moving his sight onto Weasley, "At least one of you will learn."

Standing back up his speech is interrupted by strong stomps getting closer.

Turning around, the three of us look towards the class's entrance as we spot for a single second a figure sliding across the entrance and disappearing with a loud thud that sounds painful.

It is the first time I make eye contact with the weasel since the last time we butted heads and it is to share a sour scrunched-up expression for the victim of the fall who we hear grunting in the hallway before the sound of their footsteps echoes once more and we see the face of the one who rushed here most likely to speak to Snape.

He's bent over leaning on the door out of breath.

"Berkshire, if you're done fooling around you may grace us with an explanation as to why you're disturbing this detention."

Still out of breath, Enzo Berkshire huffs and puffs for a few more seconds before settling down still bent over.

"It's Nott," he exhales deeply before breathing in once more, "He and Wood started a brawl between quidditch teams, Hooch told me to come get you."

Turning back to the teacher, his eye roll is noticeable and his silence is an obvious assessment of the situation as he probably is planning what to do now that he is torn between us two and the alleged brawl.

"Alright, As the head teacher of house Slytherin, I will accompany Berkshire and assist Professor Hooch in this conflict."

He points to us, "As for the two of you. You will stay here and complete your detention without any complaints. If you leave before your time is up, I will know and that will reward you an entire week of detention."

Pointing at Berkshire, Snape walks past us and orders him to lead them away and with a flick of his wand makes it known that it is thanks to that maneuver that he'll know of us potentially leaving the classroom.

"Behave." is all he says before walking right behind a speeding Enzo Berkshire.

I wonder if he was referring to the both of us or maybe just Weasley.

I don't get to ponder on that before my thoughts are drawn elsewhere at the realization that my worst nightmare is unfolding before me, I am now stuck with the most insufferable student here for two hours doing the most aggravating task besides cleaning the house bathrooms.

I only get back to reality when I hear him throw his robe and satchel on a nearby station.

Being left alone with him, the task at hand, and the absence of Snape to muzzle the redhead angers me as I frop my own bag and stomp to one of the sinks filled to the brim with dirty cauldrons.

I don't even get to enjoy a full minute of tense peace as the douchebag starts his usual yapping.

"Can't say I'm surprised he would leave me alone with you, Snape has always hated me and it's no wonder he left me with you considering you tried to kill me," he mouths off as always lifting a cauldron from its stove and piling it on top of another one.

"And yet you're still breathing, what a shame." I roll my eyes as well as my sleeves picking up a scraper.

A moment of silence passes and I pray this is the moment he realizes he needs to shut up so we can endure the rest of this detention in mild peace but alas this is a good idea and everyone knows that Frederick Weasley never had one of those in his life.

"Damn. The sorting hat must've made a mistake, maybe you belong with the other psychopaths in Slytherin." He throws both cauldrons beside the filled sink with a loud clang.

"I'm sorry but I'm not the one cladding the scales." I bite back.

"Oh, she has claws," he draws out loudly, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

"What is wrong with you?" I ask genuinely turning around to face him.

"No, the question is what is wrong with you," He asks back louder.

"Nothing is wrong with me! You're the one who can't figure out when to stop, you're the one who always goes too far and you're the one who went too far once again, so much so that you ended up sending my friend to the infirmary!" I hurl and see him losing that fire that usually overtakes his pupils showing he enjoys egging on people once they are set off.

"It's the risk when you play Quidditch," he tries and fails to sound firm in his statement making me scoff.

"For Rowena's sake, you're still acting as if you didn't purposely throw that bulger at him!" I say running my hands through my hair in frustration.

"I didn't!" he says even less believable.

Done with his excuses I turn back around to give all my attention back to the dirty cauldrons when he manages to slide between me and the sink making me take a huge step back.

"I didn't mean to throw it that hard."

I stare at him, no, I glare at him feeling the urge to punch him again but I remember that it didn't do anything for me the last time and instead opt to let out my frustration by hollering at him and walking away before I make the mistake of punching him and have a Professor magically appear out of nowhere to give me more detention again.

Even when I think I finally win and have him admit to his wrongs he still finds a way to make excuses for himself.

"What were you expecting?! I'm a beater that's what we do!"

Does he really think I don't know what a bloody beater is?!

Is he trying to make me pass off as an emotional wreck because of my appropriate reaction to such injury during a supposed amicable match?!

Any beater whether amateur or professional could agree that either maliciously or not that throw was unwarranted during training.

"There really is something wrong with you," I walk right in front of him, toe to toe, and spite my statement right in his face pushing him aside to gain back access to the sink.

I start scrubbing as my mind throws all the different reasons I despise the fucker. Irresponsible, unfunny, no compassion.

I'm so lost in my spiteful analysis of him that I don't register that my thoughts aren't my own anymore as I unconsciously start rambling out loud.

"An idiot who doesn't even think before taking people down with him," I grumble scrubbing away.

"Come on now it's not like he's dead," He nips throwing down yet another pile of small cauldrons beside me.

"I'm talking about me!" I yell letting go of my current task and letting the pot fall and clang with another one causing a ruckus in the sink.

"Not only is my friend in the infirmary because of you but I'm also stuck with you trying to teach someone who I learned has never been slacking in muggle history before recently."

His jaw slacks open and his eyes double in size like the breakfast sausages I had this morning.

"Wait a minute. You think I'm doing this on purpose?!"

You do everything on purpose! Your dad works for the ministry, he is a Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office employee dammit! If anyone is an expert at muggle stuff it's your dad!" I say as a matter of fact.

"And tell me exactly what would it bring me to purposely be bad at this subject all of a sudden?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe to annoy me more often than usual." it sounds like a question but I know I'm just clarifying the situation.

"You think I'm gonna waste my days stuck with you in the library acting dumb for fun?" he tries to ask sarcastically.

"And why not? Beside the library part isn't that what you do all day anyways?"

The quick wit seems like it struck him as he scoffs with a broad smile.

"If you want to be a failure for the rest of your life go ahead and be my guest but I'll ask you not to take me down with you."

That same disbelief smile disappears and leaves place for a blank look that doesn't often grace his face.

"Unlike what you think, success doesn't necessarily come from academic prowesses." he tries to bite.

"Obviously not when it comes to you." I mock before turning back around feeling satisfied for getting him not once but twice in a row.

The triumphant silence doesn't last long before he dwells in a monologue that I don't bother listening to. Instead, I tune him out and start scrubbing which helps to cover the annoying sound of his voice.

His speech feels like hours long but is probably just a few minutes tangent as by the time my ears recognize his next sentence I'm only done with the first cauldron.

"-With such a nasty attitude it's no wonder Murphy didn't show up to your date."

The cauldron clashes with another as I let it fall back into the abnormally huge sink before turning my head toward the nuisance of my life.

"How do you know about that?" the voice that comes out of my mouth is one I don't recognize.

He pauses and seems to hesitate.

"Heard Katie talk about it to her friend."

"I never said anything about it to Katie, 'matter of fact I never said anything about this date to anyone ever so there's no way you heard this through gossip."

"He told me." he tries again even less believable than the first time.

"Bullshit." I seeth.

It's bluff, while I believe I might know Murphy it's not to say that he isn't just like any other guy and simply good at hiding his real intentions.

He starts ranting about some story I can tell is made up on the spot and it's like the wheels stopped turning and the lightbulb lights up in my head with such intensity that the next words come out of my mouth in a loud realization that echoes his own.

"You did this, It was you!" I accuse him with a rageful glare.

He steps back and rolls his eyes tilting his head back, "Oh my-you know what?! Yeah, I did. I warned the guy and I did well because he deserved better than to be stuck on a date with a stuck-up cunt like you." he finishes his tirade by sticking his index finger in my enraged face.

"You're fucking evil." I spit it like it's a statement everyone agrees upon watching him turn his back to me walking farther away.

My outburst is so intense that I have to take a shaky breath and keep my tears at bay as my better judgment is thrown out the window and I decide to finally pour all my frustration out.

"You know, you always take some sick pleasure in telling me I'm cold-hearted," the beginning of my speech is shakey but I quickly regain strength in my voice to let out all my poison,"But you can't even own up to your own fucking flaws and the fact that you're nothing but a jackass who use your so-called 'pranks' to harass everyone in school because they know better to be friends with an asshole like you who's only friend is his twin because no one else wants to be around you!"

My rant is over and the only noise filling the space is my heavy breathing. Catching my breath I feel hot and can barely focus on anything other than my heart beating in my ears as I feel my boiling blood travel all through my body as I stare dead into the eyes of the one who brought me to such an extent of anger.

When my heart settles and I can finally hear my breathing slow down I can focus solely on him and realize that his stare is dead.

He's not glaring, he's just looking. All trace of anger is gone and he's left staring at me or rather through me with dead eyes.

I seem to have struck a nerve and for once the guy doesn't have a comeback. Instead, I'm rewarded with the shoulder shove of a six-foot-something figure who passes me to walk to the sink and starts scrubbing away…

What the heck?

The feeling of regret invades me for a moment but is quickly replaced by one of annoyance.

Why should I feel regret? It's not like he ever feels regret for the horrible things he does. He never apologizes to anyone no matter how far he crosses the line.

The regret quickly fades and I instead let the small spot of confidence inside me grow. It's the first time I've ever shut the mouth of the biggest jerk there is, why shouldn't I enjoy it as long as it lasts?

After everything, I'm entitled to this. I'm entitled to twist the knife.

I take a first careful step and then a second, more confident one closer to him and the sink.

"Yeah, I might be a cold-hearted bitch. But you're an arrogant jackass who's not even funny." I say more calmly yet still petty.

"Oh piss off!" he shouts throwing the cauldron back into the sink with a smash that I wonder might have actually shattered or maybe chipped one of them.

I jump aside to avoid another shoulder shove and follow him with my eyesight to spot him grabbing his stuff and realize he is trying to escape this detention to avoid my lash-out.

Figuring out his plan I catch up and run past him to stand in front of the door blocking his way out.

"No! No, You called me what you called me and now I get to call you whatever I want!"

I wonder for a moment why he doesn't push past me, for sure his frame can easily overpower mine but instead of crashing into me to walk out of the potion class he instead turns around and throws both robe and satchel on a station with a shout that almost rivals mine.

"Alright then let's go ahead, get it all out of your system sweetheart." He snarls standing in the middle of the class, his arms expanded before he places them on his hips.

"You!" the bitter tone escapes me in a rough huff as I point at him, "Have done nothing but make my life hell since the day I arrived." I start walking towards him, "And for what? I have NEVER given you any reason to hate me and yet I have been the target of so many of your pranks that I started being known as the damn Weasley's guinea pig!" I throw my finger in his direction before it falls back on my sides as I walk slowly but with conviction towards him.

"There we go!" he says faking being proud probably to egg me on in my rant with a sick smirk bending down to my eye level and crossing his arms probably to toy with me and undermine me as he always does.

"You do nothing at school but be a nuisance and waste everyone's time including mine and it's so sick to think that you can't even let others be successful just because you can't achieve anything on your own, it's pathetic!" I'm getting closer, almost toe to toe with the redhead who doesn't take a step back and stays planted where he stands or rather is bent over.

"Come on let it all out," he snarls.

"But somehow I was still stupid enough to think that this time you would have the decency to at least admit you went too far and apologize for hurting my friend but even then you cannot take responsibility as always," I finish my tirade taking my final step right in front of him as our noses brush.

"Anything else?!" he angrily spits in my face with a scowl.

I breathe in harshly wishing I could punch him or clap back like I did before but realize if my rant hasn't aroused all kinds of empathy it is useless to keep calling him names it won't male a difference.

"Yeah, your attempt to make me look ugly by turning my hair pink completely failed because I still look good unlike you," I say sourly throwing a glance at his mop of hair.

He sneers.

His arms that were crossed in front of him manage to travel up and brush strands of hair behind my ears before his fingers slide down and twirl the locks in his hands toying with them.

When I'm done bathing in the hatred coating his eyes I notice I'm not the only one panting when I feel his breath brush my face.

Why is he panting? I'm the one who just rambled angrily for five minutes.

"Got it all out?" he says calmer this time around.

I look at him and my eyes make the mistake of switching between his eyes and lips just a second to see his doing just the same and analyze my face.

We haven't moved from our spot and I don't know why.

"Yeah, I think so," he whispers his lips brushing over mine with each syllable.

He stands back up, his hands leaving my hair and falling back to his side as he brushes past me leaving me to stand there frozen trying to comprehend the goosebumps littering my body and my hands shaking by my hips.

I manage to turn around and see him grabbing his stuff and making his way to the class entrance once more.

I find my voice, less confident than before but still strong enough to try and stop him.

"What are you doing detention isn't over yet!" I begrudgingly state.

"Then I guess I'll get a week's worth of detention!" he announces walking out with one hand clutching his satchel and the other one throwing his robe over his shoulder.

He's gone, and in the newly found silence, I breathe out through my nose and assess what just happened.

Weasley just mocked me, pissed me off and egged me on, undermined me, and left me in a classroom filled to the brim with cauldrons to clean all by myself after toying with my anger, my hair, and…

My hand bolts into fists and my nails sink into my palms as I conclude what I already know.

I hate him.

[formosusiniquis]

It’s Wednesday have some worms I’m using as a warm-up.

So this is inspired by these style videos that I’ve seen a lot lately on youtube shorts cause i quit tiktok just to get stuck on the vape version. Where people go up to athletes and ask them to sign old pictures of themselves. And I’ve got two versions that have been playing in my head.

1. Chrissy and Eddie run a joint besties tiktok/social media thing where they show off their opposites attract platonic soulmate life by pushing each other out of their comfort zones, making them do things the other likes, and showing that it can be fun. Eddie takes Chrissy to a show and makes her get in the mosh pit, they jump out of a plane -- each claiming it was the other’s idea -- she makes Eddie try cheer; you get the picture.

So Chrissy drags Eddie to a sports game of your choosing, I’m going with baseball cause @thefreakandthehair ‘s latest fic with baseball steve is living in my head rent-free this week. Eddie decides that if he’s going and they’re going to do the sports equivalent of stage-dooring then he’s going to double up and get in on this trend he’s seen. The reactions are middling to bland, Tommy Hagan flips him off but does sign the photo of himself from what Eddie thinks is probably his junior prom and he and Chrissy are both pretty positive that'll be the best reaction they get for the video. But the next person they have planned to get is Steve and Eddie had to dig deep to find a picture of Steve that wasn’t a photo of him in a group shot at a party when he was in high school. It’s like the guy hit senior year and disappeared off the internet.

So Eddie walks up to the hottest guy he’s ever seen and asks for an autograph while handing Steve a photo of himself from grade school. He’s got the biggest smile on his face, one of his front teeth is missing and his hair is slipping forward onto his forehead from its picture-day perfect styling. Steve cuts off his by-rote agreement with a laugh and actually turns to look at Eddie (and Chrissy) now.

“Did everyone get one like this or am I special?”

Chrissy answers since Eddie lost the ability to speak the second Steve looked at him while smiling, “Yours is the littlest, but we did choose to ignore everyone’s professionally taken headshots.”

“You think this wasn’t done by a professional? Look at the lighting and the weird tree in the background.”

Chrissy laughs and does that thing where she kicks her leg out enough to knock Eddie back to planet earth. “You can make it out to Eddie, with an IE.” She tells Steve while Eddie massages his smarting ankle.

Steve takes the sharpie out of Eddie’s slack hand and looks down to sign. “I was always gonna sign, cause I like to think this little guy would be really excited about how far I got. But, this would be creepy if you weren’t so cute.”

Eddie is only able to answer because Steve still isn’t looking at him. “Her?”

Steve hands him the picture. “She didn’t ask for the autograph.”

They have to blur it for the video, but underneath his perfectly practiced signature, Steve sends Eddie home with his number.

Alternatively my take 2. The kids get full VIP experience tickets for Corroded Coffin and they have to go Steve. Claudia doesn’t want to cramp their style so she’s out, but if they can’t find a certified adult to take them then Ted has been volunteered. Ted, Steve. He agrees to go because even if he can’t stand the idea of spending the night fighting a migraine during the flashing lights of a heavy metal concert, he also isn’t going to let the Party suffer the social repercussions that would be Ted Wheeler going.

But he decides if he’s going to go he’s going to have fun with it. The kids let him know that it’s a small VIP (for plot reasons) and every group gets a set amount of time with the group. He’s listened to them talk about what they’re bringing to get signed, what they’re going to say to the band to sound both cool and mature. Meanwhile, he’s taking inspiration from his own feed to come up with a plan that’s going to hopefully only annoy everyone a ‘God Steve why do we take you anywhere, but yeah okay that was pretty funny’ amount and not actually ruin the kids' time.

He doesn’t actually know anyone in the band, but the internet exists and as he goes down his rabbit hole, trying to find pictures that are suitably dweeby but also cute in a wholesome way, he realizes that oops the lead guitarist is super hot and also vaguely familiar.

The night of the concert comes and Steve goes into the VIP line with five photos for the four members. Pictures from so far down the Instagram timeline that an accidental like would get him put on a watchlist. He’s got a sophomore Gareth trying his blue steel in a selfie, a photo of Jeff from the one year he did marching band to get out of his gym credit, Freak in the suit vest he got for Junior prom, and Eddie at his most dramatic ‘it’s not a phase Wayne’ stage in high school.

Eddie absolutely thinks they’re being made fun of for a minute, it’s Jeff who laughs and breaks the tension first. Which is good because Steve had waited to bring out the second picture he brought, turns out he finally figured out why the hot guitarist looked and sounded so familiar, and he shows Eddie a picture from the summer camp they went to together where they had been inseparable. That one Eddie signs gladly, his messy signature blocking out the camp counselor they had both hated. Steve won’t let the kids see, he tells them it’s weird to see your heavy metal heroes when they were eight and still waiting to get the gap between their front teeth fixed with braces. But he really just doesn’t want them to see the number Eddie wrote there and the vague promise to have Steve over to catch up and see if they can make kids as cute as they were.

[elysianfieldsarchive]

Elysian Fields Anniversary Event Details!!!

It's our birthday!

Elysian Fields Spuffy Fanwork Archive is turning eighteen, and so, the inspiration for the theme comes from Buffy’s own harrowing eighteenth birthday, when she is betrayed by Giles and the Council alike. 

That said, your fic/art DOES NOT have to be based around that same episode. So long as it’s a Spuffy work with betrayal as a theme, you’re good. This does not mean it specifically has to be Buffy or Spike who is the subject or perpetrator of the betrayal! You could go for a spin on canon with Amy betraying Willow, Willow betraying Tara, or something completely AU like Xander being betrayed by the cheese guy from Restless. Your use of the theme can be as small or as large as you want. So long as it's obvious enough for the readers to go "Oh, I see what you did there!" then your fic qualifies for this challenge. Whichever path you choose to take, we'd love to see what you come up with.

How and when do I post my story?

Starting as soon as the clock ticks over into October 1st (site time, which is Eastern US time—it's listed under the ShoutBox), you'll see a checkbox on the page where you add a new story. It’ll look like so:

Reminder: Your work DOES NOT need to be complete prior to posting. In fact, it doesn't even need to be completed during the event month. So, any creators stressing about the timeline, you can relax because you have the whole month to BEGIN posting your work.

Also: the betrayal does not have to happen in the first chapter, or any chapters that are posted during October. The only requirement is that betrayal is featured in your work at some point.

How do I find Challenge Stories?

Want to keep up with the fun? All betrayal works will have a little knife icon in the byline, as seen in the example below:

And you can find all of the betrayal works as they are added by visiting the Event Page.

What should my work include?

So long as your work features Spuffy, a betrayal, and doesn’t break any of EF’s rules or Terms of Service, you’re golden. You could make art, write a comic, edit a fan-vid, or write an epic novel. The world is your oyster poodle! 

Written works must be at least 100 words long, but there is no word count limit for artwork-only pieces or narrative artwork (i.e. works that consist of both words and pictures, such as a comic).

Please remember that EF has a strict no-AI policy.

What happens if I don’t post my work within the time window?

If you don’t post the first installment of your work during October (per site time), it can’t and won’t be considered part of the October event, sorry.

Do I need to post the entire work before the end of October?

Again, no. You just need to have posted at least one chapter before site time ticks over to November (per site time).

What about beta readers and sensitivity readers?

We love beta and sensitivity readers and have a shiny Beta award they can win! Use EF’s credit system to mark their contribution or else they won’t get the award—and they deserve all the accolades for their hard work!

Can I work with someone else on my event response?

Sure! The more the merrier! Whether it’s writers working as coauthors, artists creating a collaborative work together, or an artist and a writer teaming up as a duo (or a moresome!) as deadly as Spuffy, we welcome collaborations for this event.

How do I get the art award?

You can get the art award by creating a banner (for yourself or someone else) or by posting a work that fits within our Artwork or Narrative Artwork categories. We’ve seen images, manips, gifs, videos, fan vids, comics, playlists, and more get posted, and can’t wait to see what y’all will come up with next!

If someone has created art for your work, make sure you credit them using EF’s credit system—otherwise we won’t know to give them an award! And DON’T FORGET to credit yourself as artist if you created your own banner or other artwork.

Are there rules for banner creation?

Banners should be no more than 920x300 pixels and include a variation of the text ‘Designed/Created/Written for the Elysian Fields Betrayal Event’ somewhere on them. Example:

Now that I have a gorgeous banner/other artwork, how do I add it to my work?

To add the banner to your story, you can upload the banner to your account in “Your Images” under “Account Info.” Banner images must be a gif, jpg, jpeg, or png file type, and under 1 MB in file size. Banners should be no more than 920x300 pixels. Images posted within chapters can be up to 1500x1500 px. (Note: make sure you add images to the chapter itself; any images in the Chapter Notes or End Notes won’t be added to ePubs when people download them!) You can also host your banner on an image-sharing site or your own site, especially if the file size is too big for us to host on our site.

You then enter the URL from Elysian Fields or the image sharing site in the Banner URL field on the Add Story page, or click the Insert/Edit Image icon in the toolbar for the Story Text box.

NOTE: The URL you add MUST be end in the image file extension (.gif, .jpg, .jpeg, or .png) or else the URL will not be saved. Make sure there are no spaces after the final character in the file extension. If you are having issues with a specific image sharing site, please reach out to us via email or try asking for help in our Discord server.

You said we could add videos? How do I do that?

You will need to get the embed link from YouTube, Vimeo, or another site (which can be a little tricky on mobile, but not impossible—google for directions if you can’t do this on desktop) and insert the html into the Source Code. You can access this by clicking the Source Code button in the toolbar. Reach out via email or Discord if you’re having any issues with embedding videos.

Is there an event skin?

Yes. The October event skin is now live if you want to make it your default. Scroll down to the skins on the main page or in the footer and select the one labeled “betrayal” to switch. If you want to keep it, make sure you change the selection on your preferences page. (Otherwise it will change back to your saved skin the next time you access the site.)

And if you haven't seen it yet, the skin looks like this:

The banner was made by our very own @isevery0nehereverystoned.

Will you be featuring regular works while the event is going on?

Instead of our normal mod-selected featured works, we will be highlighting fanworks posted in past years in honor of our October anniversary. Starting on the first of the month, each day will highlight a random assortment of works posted during the matching year of the archive (for example, on October 1st, we will feature works from 2006, our first year; on October 2nd, we will feature works from 2007, our second year; and so on). On day eighteen, we will change to feature fics that are part of this event.

The October Event challenges authors and artists. What about the readers? Won’t you think of the readers?

Obviously, readers deserve all the love. If you write at least 18 comments in October that contain at least 18 words (for any works here on EF, not just the challenge ones), you'll meet the requirements of the commenter challenge and earn a Commenter award! There will be a link to the comment challenge leaderboard on the homepage under the Members of the Month along with the All Star Commenter list.

Show me the awards!

This event’s shinies have also been lovingly made by HappyWhenItRains. Lookit!

I’m So Excited!

We are too!

Do we really have to include poodles in our works?

No. Probably.

Anything else?

If there are any additional questions, please comment on this post or email us at elysianfieldsarchive@gmail.com. And get ready for some amazing new stories!

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: @lady-lostmind! lady_lostmind has 84 works in the Stranger Things fandom and 55 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@oh-stars recommends the following works by @lady-lostmind:

This Is The Coin I Had In My Pocket The First Time We Kissed, And I Always Have It.

Transfixed (under your spell)

Fuck

You know what to do, when it gets hold of you.

The Wall

"Mack is one of the best writers in this ship and I am so very lucky to read their work early on. Her Eddie voice is unmatched to me!! Every time I read a new fic of hers, I'm always shocked at how she can outdo herself with creating my next favorite fic. She's fearless in trying new tropes and genres, exploring super serious topics and she has some of the hottest scenes I've read. Every opportunity I have to read or reread her work is an absolute pleasure and I am so honored to get to see her flourish!" -- @oh-stars

Below the cut, @lady-lostmind answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I’ve been reading fanfic since I was a teenager but I never felt the urge to write my own until watching these two together. I think we can all agree there was some undeniable chemistry between the two on screen and they have such a fun dynamic to work with. I’ve always enjoyed creative writing in some shape or form whether it be for a class or writing lyrics for the band I was in, or the half abandoned novel I have in my docs. I decided to give fanfic a shot and then really loved getting to actually be a part of the community instead of lurking on the edges and leaving kudos anonymously like I had for years. But there is something so special about Steddie in particular and I’m especially drawn to writing Eddie in particular. His character has so many layers to explore and different directions to go and I love making him fall in love with his golden retriever of a man over and over again.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I am a sucker for a good slow burn, especially with some hurt/comfort thrown in. Please rip my heart out, stomp on it, pick it back up, and hand it back to me wrapped in a pretty little bow.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Honestly, the same as what I read. As much as I love a good fluffy one shot there’s nothing quite like the sweet torture of dragging your characters through hell before they get their happy ending. It’s so fun trying to navigate what they would do in difficult situations, and how that affects the story overall.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

This is such a hard question. There are so many good fics out there. We’re truly well fed in this community. I think some of my absolute favorites have to be You’re Divine by oonionchiver, and The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you by greatunironic. Both of them inspired me to do a lot of fanart including a bind and cover art for You’re Divine, and drawing all the album covers in TMRTAYSITDITIY.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I never really know what I’m going to write next until it smacks me in the face. But I’m definitely open to whatever that might be. I will say I’ve never ventured into the omegaverse in my writing but it does seem like a fun one to play around with.

What is your writing process like?

Chaotic. I love writing but have a hard time actually sitting down and focusing on it. I either write a huge chunk all at once, or I write a sentence at a time while watching tv or something. I do really enjoy writing with other people though whether that’s in a sprint or word game.

Do you have any writing quirks?

If I have music on while writing it can’t have any lyrics in it or I get too distracted.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Oh, a schedule is generous, I’d say. But I do prefer posting chapter by chapter. I feel like people engage a little more as they read each one and I love getting the feedback as I go.

Which fic are you most proud of?

And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife. I think my writing grew a lot during that fic and I’m really proud of the work I put into it. AYMFYIABHWABW was also the first thing I ever wrote for an event and was a big step for me to actually put myself out there and talk with other authors and artists. I made some amazing connections through that event and am so glad I pushed through any self consciousness to ask for a beta reader because I found an amazing one in oh-stars and gained a great friendship through that. They introduced me to karadanverss when the two of them were looking for some help modding the Stranger Things Reverse Big Bang and I not only gained another friend, but got to dip my toe into being a mod, something I never would have even considered doing before, but have had so much fun being a part of as we set up other events together. So I think because of all that, AYMFYIABHWABW will always hold a special place in my heart.

How did you get the idea for This Is The Coin I Had In My Pocket The First Time We Kissed, And I Always Have It.?

During a rewatch of New Girl. Nick Miller is honestly such a mash up of Eddie and Steve, and I could not get the idea out of my head to Steddiefy the scene in the hall where Nick says “Not like this.” It screams hopeless romantic Steve to me, and the title is a line Nick says to Jess way later and it never fails to make me cry. So, I started with that. Just wanting to do a similar situation with Steddie, and it morphed into something much bigger than I intended.

When writing You know what to do, when it gets hold of you., what was something you didn’t expect?

I thought I would have a harder time with Steve’s POV in this one than I did. I really wanted to show a side of him that I feel gets overlooked a lot since he’s always throwing himself in front of everyone else when there’s danger. But what happens when that danger isn’t there anymore? What does he do with that? It’s a side I hadn’t explored much before and I was really happy with where that took me. I really liked getting to see where Steve’s mind would go when the group is seemingly safe.

What inspired Transfixed (under your spell)?

Transfixed was written for the Steddie Summer Exchange! So I actually had this prompt: ‘Popstar Steve and rockstar Eddie having a secret relationship whilst the public and their own band mates think they hate each other.’ to go off of for it. This prompt screamed angsty, hurt/comfort so I was really excited I snagged it in claims.

What was your favorite part to write from You know what to do, when it gets hold of you.?

I think it has to be the scene where Steve finally breaks down. When Eddie figures out what has been going on and Steve just lets it all out. If there is one thing Steve Harrington deserves, it’s a good fucking cry.

How do/did you feel writing The Wall?

The Wall was written for Steddie Love Month with the prompt: Love is letting yourself be loved and if that didn’t scream insecure Steve I don’t know what does. I remember feeling very bittersweet while writing The Wall because I know what it’s like to be afraid to let someone in again when you’ve been hurt, and how good it feels when you finally let that wall down and accept that risk because it’s worth it. I tried to capture that feeling as best as I could.

What was the most difficult part of writing Fuck?

Fuck was another Steddie Love Month prompt. The hardest part of writing this one was just trying not to cackle to myself about how ridiculous Eddie was being. This one was a lot of fun to write.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

Oh my. I think it either has to be the first scene I wrote for AYMFYIABHWABW that sparked the entire thing: Steve is staring at him, eyes wide and rocking a little on his heels like he’s so nervous he can’t stay still. Eddie’s stomach drops, his mind spiraling through a million worst case scenarios all at once. “What’s wrong? Is Wayne– Are the kids okay? Is it–” Steve holds his hands out in front of him and shakes his head. “Fuck, no. Sorry. No. It’s not–” Steve sucks in a deep breath, his hands shooting up into his hair before dropping to hovering in the space between the two of them. “Eds. I fucked up. I so massively fucked up. I can’t even begin to–[...] This feels like a fucking fever dream. Like something he’s imagined a million times over. Awake and asleep, In every possible scenario and position. All the times he fucked men in bathroom stalls and or pressed them against a wall in a dirty alley, this is what he wanted. And he was right. None of it even comes close to being this. This is…it’s everything. Fuck– it’s everything." Or this scene from You know what to do, when it gets hold of you where Steve finally gets to breakdown: Steve shakes against him, his tears wetting the shoulder of Eddie’s shirt. “I’m sorry.” Eddie shakes his head. “It’s okay.” He rubs his hand up and down Steve’s back. “Hey, you’re okay. We’re going to figure this out, okay?” Steve sobs, his hands fisting into Eddie’s shirt a broken “Sorry” slipping out of him again. Eddie’s arms tighten around Steve, and he struggles to swallow the lump forming in his throat, tears welling in his eyes. Can’t help the way his heart breaks a little at the sorrow in Steve’s voice. How vulnerable he sounds. Because Steve Harrington isn’t vulnerable. Steve Harrington dives into lakes with portals to another world at the bottom without a second thought. Steve Harrington rips other dimensional beasts apart with his teeth. Steve Harrington marched into battle calmly, and confidently. Steve Harrington carried Eddie out of a hellscape on his fucking back. Steve Harrington is the rock. He is the one everyone leans on. And Eddie knew. He knew something was wrong. He knew something was going on. But it’s one thing to know it, and another to see your hero crack and crumble in your arms.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

The Eddie Munson Big Bang! Definitely keep an eye on our tumblr (@eddiemunsonbigbang) to see all the amazing fics and art that will be coming out. I’m one of the mods over there, and I’m working on a fic for it that I’m really excited about. If this is posed before the end of September…we’re still looking for artists!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

I’d just really like to thank anyone who has ever taken the time to read my fics, or like any of the fanart I’ve made. I never expected anyone to really see any of it when I first started all this and have really loved finding a community to be a part of. I never had any friends who were really into fandoms or fanfiction, and up until I started engaging in Steddie content no one in my life even knew I read it. Getting to talk to, and make friends in this community gave me the confidence to talk more about what I’m interested in and connect more with the people in my life. So, thank you all for showing me how to be loud about the things I love and that I don’t have to hide parts of myself away!

Thank you to our author, @lady-lostmind, and our nominator, @oh-stars! See more of lady_lostmind's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[klainesecretsanta2024]

Information and guidelines (including deadlines) for the Klaine Secret Santa Gift Exchange 2024 are under the cut.

Don't forget to follow us!

1) We have one very strict rule: HAVE FUN!!!!! ❤️

Enjoy this event, because that's the point! To make each other happy with a nice surprise and to make ourselves happy for being able to do that. We want you to enjoy the process itself. If you have any trouble with this, tell us and we'll try to help you and make it easier for you.

2) What type of gift can you participate with?

Fanfiction (drabble, one shot, multi-chaptered fic), drawing/painting (digital or traditional), 2in1 for superheros: comics, animation, gifset, scrapbook style montage, photo or video edit... Tell us, if you have any other idea!

For fic, I'd like to keep a minimum word counts which is 1k, HOWEVER you can participate with shorter drabbles too, if that works better for you. But in this case please write more of them, like short chapters (that not necessarily related to each other) to reach 1k.

For the others, there are no requirements, except to be creative! Which is never a problem in this fandom... ;)

3) We try to give you enough time to create your gift to make this event as stress-free as possible. That means you'll have 7-10 weeks to do this (it's your choice, depends on when you wish to post your gift in December). That's why we're starting this so early.

DEADLINES:

Signups: September 28th -  October 12th Giftee assignments: October 14th Creating period in Santa's workshop: October 14th - Dec 23th Posting period: December 1-24th

4) Everyone is welcome to joins us in any way. But if you participate, please don't forget that you'll be someone's Secret Santa this year. Which means that someone, who takes the time and effort to make a gift for someone else is expecting a gift of their own - from you. 

5.) It's okay to be a little late. It's especially okay not to post a whole multi-chaptered fic until Christmas. However, please try to post something, anything until dec 24th - even if it's "just" the first short chapter of a multi-chaptered fic. Please don't feel it's not enough, it's perfect, you just started to post a long fic, are you kidding?? Your giftee will love you for it! But please, also make sure you finish what you started, and do that within a reasonable time.

6) If you realize that you probably won't be able to post anything in time, not even one short chapter (but you are determined to do it soon): don't freak out! Just please, please communicate! Let us know and send an anonymous message to your person, let them know their gift is running a little late. Don't worry, no one will be mad at you, I promise. :) Life happens!

7) Which brings us to a very important part: If you decided to participate, please take it seriously and don't forget about it!! If you realize that you won't be able to fulfill what you've committed to, PLEASE CONTACT US ASAP because it means that we have to find a very generous new Santa for your giftee in time!!!!

8) Will we give you prompts? 

Kind of... Yes and no. We'll definitely have some (probably open) questions for every one of you about what you like, so you'll have some idea to choose from and work with - if you want to. Please look at this as an option because we do this to HELP YOU, not to sabotage your creative energy!!! :) It can make your gift more personal, but you don't have to use any of it if you have trouble with it. Again, it's an option and your giftee will know that - some people need inspiration, some people don't.

Also, if you have more questions, you can always tell us and we'll try to get more information from your giftee's interests for you.

9) No-nos:

We respect everyone's feelings and interests but please, please do the same and in your prompts try to avoid of the really dark topics, like your favorite topic EVER is <3 major character death <3 (to use a valid example). This might make your Secret Santa very anxious about how to please you. It's Christmas time, regardless of the theme of your gift, and most of us love to keep our love ones alive, well... any time of the year, really. ;) So please consider to sugar coat your feelings about this, for example, say you like angst, or that you can handle heavy topics. (So your Santa have a choice but probably won't feel like they have to kill someone for Christmas to make you happy. ;) ) //Yes, I'm traumatized, sorry about this.//

This also applies to gifts: be creative but please, avoid the very divisive topics (you know what those are), so everyone can enjoy your gift in this fandom equally.

!! AI generated art and fic are not allowed !!

10) A tip: This event is not about the gift only. Your giftee will always be happy to know that their secret Santa is thinking about them. A nice anonymous message in the question box or through us, like "I'm making your present, I hope you'll love it" or just "I'll be there soon ;) - your Santa" can put a HUGE smile on anyone's face! Please make sure you stay anonymous, though!!!!

11) Keep your giftee in secret. This is a secret mission.

12) Tags to use and follow: #klainesecretsanta2024 and #kss2024  - we'll track both.

13) Do you have any questions or suggestions? Our ask box is always open!

[necrotic-nephilim]

@sasheneskywalker i love when you enable me to ramble about things because oh my god do i have thoughts.

so recently, i made a post discussing the phenomena of DC x DP and DC x MLB crossovers and why they exist and part of that post was discussing how largely speaking, at least half, if not more of the Batfamily fandom doesn't read the comics. if they interact with canon DC material, it's adaptations that are their own sequestered universes and oftentimes not remotely comic accurate or seeking to be. the most obvious example is the Young Justice cartoon. i'm adding a cut to this post because it just got so long i'm so sorry.

a lot of times, when people are discussing the "why" of this oversaturation of fanon-only fandom, they blame Wayne Family Adventures. and i think, to a point, i agree WFA is responsible for a boom in this fandom. but as someone who's been in the fandom long before we had WFA, to me it's the other way around. WFA was DC's way of meeting the demand for this easy-to-get-into, easy-to-consume content about the Batfamily that predicates itself on the comics just enough to be vaguely the same characters, but has a more sitcom, slice-of-life sort of vibe so DC could profit off of this section of the fanbase that otherwise wasn't consuming its primary material. and well, it's definitely worked. not only that, but i have a weird theory that the decline in the MCU also led to the rise in the Batfamily fandom. when you consider the fan content that made the MCU popular within fandom, it's that 2012 "they all live in Avengers Tower and Thor is eating poptarts and Clint is in the vents and there are movie nights every Friday" sort of vibe. those were the fics that were a hallmark of the fandom. and as the MCU has strayed from well... quality content in general, but specifically well-thought-out crossover content where characters can have their own arcs but also exist in a wider story where they clearly care about each other, that fandom was sort of homeless. so where do you go, if you like a superhero found family where you can have villains for angst but also stick them all in one big family-like home for silly crack and have a plethora of options for gay ships? well. you go to the Batfamily. if you write a crack/fluff Batfamily genfic with silly vibes and low stakes instead of say, a fic about a very specific comic issue even if it's a popular comic, you're *going* to get more traction for the former. because the fanbase largely just isn't reading the comics.

and i feel... complicated about this. because on one hand, Don't Like Don't Read has been a tenet of my fandom experience. i'm very pro-fandom and that includes fandom content i don't like. and to an extent, i do think this sort of should apply to Batfamily fanon. i enjoy having my moments with other comic purists, giggling over exceptionally painful OOC headcanons or even facepalming in pain over some content but it is on me to not interact with that content. you don't make fandom a better place by being hostile to fans who engage with canon in ways you don't approve of. and frankly? we as comic readers are not going to get non-comic fans to read the comics by being asshats to them. no one is going to want to pick up any comic if we get a superiority complex about it. and also, i feel like we're all lying to ourselves a little bit insisting comics are so, so easy to get into. they're not. we can just all agree, they're really not. i've been single-handedly helping my sister get into comics, specifically Wonder Woman and no matter how simple i make it, i watch her get frustrated trying to understand what pre-Crisis and post-Crisis and New-52 and Flashpoint and all these things mean and what a retcon vs a reboot is and what a Crisis Event is and what the hell Diana's current backstory even *is*. sure, you can give someone a beginner list of comics to start with and slowly dip their toes in the water but sooner or later, *something* is going to confuse them. comics as a medium straight up aren't going to be everyone's cup of tea. and if someone *just* wants to read silly fluffy fanfiction about the Batfamily, i can't entirely begrudge them for not wanting to take the hours and hours out of their day to understand this medium. it's not an accessible medium to get into. "read this and this, but this run is out of print and this run wasn't collected in trades at all but also make sure you read that event in order and this is a good comic but the backstory in it is retconned and you *have* to read this it's so important but it's also really bad because the author kind of sucks" sounds. ridiculous for someone who like. just wants to read some stuff about Nightwing. sometimes, we all make reading comics sort of sound like a chore, not a hobby.

so my point is, i do extend some grace to Batfamily fanon for existing. i think my biggest gripe is, as i said in my other post, misuse of tags (if you're not creating content about comics, maybe you don't need the comics fandom tag on Ao3, just the all media types umbrella tag) and my far bigger gripe: when panels are taken out of context to support fanon only headcanons. if i could impart *anything* onto the Batfamily fandom as a comic fan it'd be this: if you haven't *read* the comic, don't spread the panel. if you don't even know what comic it's *from*, don't spread the panel. it's fine to use comic panels to discuss your headcanons, but so often i see someone spreading a comic panel from a comic they haven't read, and when asked where it's from, they can't source it. a silly example that comes to mind is a post going around, taking a panel where Dick, in his internal monologue goes "here comes the sun. do do do do." and the post is claiming it's from him getting buried alive. when that panel comes from Nightwing (1996) #140, and he gets buried alive in Nightwing (1996) #127, two completely different moments frankensteined together. if you're going to not read the comics, that's completely fine, but unless you're sure of the source and the context, panels shouldn't be spread around. i'm sick of this specifically happening to Red Robin (2009), with ppl claiming Tim has totally killed people because he blew up some of Ra's' bases, when those panels within context, make it clear he gave everyone time to escape. and in a later arc in that very comic, Tim grapples with the idea of murdering Captain Boomerang, and *specifically chooses not to*, because he doesn't agree with murder, even against the person who has hurt him the most. if you'd like to write fanfiction where Tim is pro-murder and has done some sketch things, i'm totally on board and would probably like to read it. but there's no need to pretend it's canon from a few panels you saw out of context.

beyond that, i think it's not *entirely* correct to say that fanon is harmless. whenever i see very WFA-positive posts, they often default to the argument that WFA is fun and silly, and comic fans are killjoys for not liking it. which. i think is complicated because the issue is, WFA and fanon don't exist in a vacuum. if you like WFA power to you, i don't think it's the worst thing ever, but i do think it's degrading to these characters because honestly? they feel incompetent in the webtoon. it's one thing if WFA was solely a slice-of-life sort of deal, just having silly episodes where Bruce is taking on a PTA mom or they're all fighting for the last cookie. but when WFA attempts to take on more serious plots with these characters, it *fundamentally* falls flat in understanding them. i get it, Bruce comforting Jason having a panic attack because a noise reminded him of the crowbar felt cute in a microcosm, but i'm so serious when i say that storyline destroyed how like. half of this fandom understands Jason Todd's relationship to his trauma. it doesn't understand how he reacts when he's triggered, what coping mechanisms he seeks out, and how he would handle Bruce comforting him. even if i can believe for a brief moment Jason *would* be triggered by something like that, him running and trying to hide and then getting a hug from Bruce to make it okay is just. painful. WFA needs everything to be wrapped up in a nice, neat little bow. so even when it starts to tackle interesting concepts, it makes them fall flat with its need to be soft, low stakes, hurt/comfort. there was a two-parter episode that dealt with the complicated mutual hatred/jealousy between Tim and Damian that *almost* really interested me because for once, it felt like the webtoon wanted to explore canon messy dynamics. but of course, it had to be fixed with one conversation and a hug. you don't mend the *years* of issues these characters have like that. WFA isn't in character because these characters are hyperbole cartoonified versions of themselves to fit within the medium and be a cute happy family.

because that right there, is the crux of it. the Batfamily fanon seeks to simplify the Batfamily and force them into a nuclear family. there are so many fantastic posts on here discussing how the nuclear family-ification of the Batfam is eroding decades worth of complex histories so i won't go too far into that. but what i will say is that there's this need, in the Batfamily fandom, for the Batfamily to exist as a unit. they are a *family*. (honestly i think calling it the Batfamily is a misnomer and has been for years but we're in too deep now.) they exist to each other first, and any teams or friends they have come secondary to this family unit. you can *specifically* see this demonstrated in what headcanons are becoming popular these days. i have an entire lengthy meta in my drafts about how i *loathe* the "the Batfamily meets the Justice League" genre of fanfic because it makes no *sense*. in order to have this genre of fic exist, you must operate under the assumption that no one in the League, or adjacent to the League, knows the Batfamily exists and are thus utterly shocked to discover Batman has kids. and to make *that* work, you have to strip *every single Batfamily member* of such important dynamics and friendships so you can lock them all in Gotham for their whole lives. Dick can't have the Titans, Tim can't have Young Justice, Duke & Cass can't have the Outsiders, Jason can't have the Outlaws, Damian can't have the Supersons, Babs can't have the Birds of Prey, and so on. because if they had these relationships, they would be known to the League. the Batfamily fandom doesn't care about this, it's just "silly fanfiction", it's not trying to be serious. but how can you say you like Dick Grayson as a character if you don't understand the Titans *are* his family? at some points of his life, moreso than the Batfamily even is. it is constantly repeated to us in most comics with Dick how much the Titans mean to him. he *needs* them to be who he is. the same extends to every other Batfamily member, most of which have been full League members at this point. but in fanon, that doesn't matter. the Batfamily are a sequestered unit first, and all of those side relationships are secondary and easy to toss away, if it makes your fanfic work better.

and because they have to be a unit first, you have these forced relationships that dump years of actual canon material for the sake of making them get along. the Batfamily fandom has its favorites and well. it's no secret it's usually the boys. Jason and Tim by *far* stand out as fandom faves so, their dynamic is a heavily explored one. it does matter that in canon they don't tend to get along and especially don't see each other as family. what matters is that you can push dynamics onto them. and so fanon gets all twisted up about which Robin Tim actually idolized as a kid (Dick) and what member of the Batfamily is pro-murder but still an older sibling figure to him and looks out for him (Helena, or if you want the dynamic of once tried to harm Tim but they've reconciled, Jean-Paul) in favor of who's the most popular. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian are always going to be the standouts for popularity, but it's specifically Jason and Tim who are getting fanonized the most. and that's because really, we don't have much canon content of Tim that *isn't* the comics. for Dick you've got Young Justice (tv), for Damian you've got the DCAMU, for Jason you've sort of got the Under The Red Hood movie, but Tim sort of lingers in this limbo. (yes, he's in Young Justce (tv) and Titans (live action) but in neither is he the main character nor given much depth) so, he gets a *lot* projected onto him and has become fanonized. and even with Jason's animated movies, you don't see him interact with Tim, so people build it from the ground up how they want to see it, disregarding of canon comics. i think it's what makes him so popular in the first place- he's malleable into whatever you want or need him to be.

and of course, the fanon ignores other characters in the Batfamily it doesn't know about. i feel like you could create a tier list of Batfamily characters by their popularity, going from the fandom main characters: Tim, Jason, Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Damian. to the underrated: Steph, Duke, Babs, Cass. to the forgotten about unless they're convenient for a story: Kate, the Foxes, Helena Wayne, Carrie, Selina, Harper Row, Maps, Minhkhoa Khan. to the absolutely unknown: Helena Bertinelli, Jean-Paul Valley, Onyx Adams, the Clovers, Julia Pennyworth. it's not lost on me that the ignored characters tend to be women and people of color. which is both a canon and fanon problem, DC will continue adding interesting characters to the Batfamily, play with them for a few years, then drop them to default to the "Batboys" again. and it's a vicious cycle of the fandom only caring about the "Batboys", and thus people entering the fandom via fanon osmosis won't have content about the other characters, therefore, they won't be interested in those characters enough to create it, and it's just this ouroboros consuming itself, no matter how much canon content we have of these other characters. and it's ridiculous just how large the Batfamily is becoming because of this, which is why i'm a pre-Flashpoint fan, because then the Batfamily was contained enough to actually feel like a family with every character having nuances relationships with each other, but i digress because those thoughts could be their own post.

and the thing about fanon is it doesn't exist in a vacuum. DC has started turning the comics to accommodate for what fans are asking for, because fans will beg and beg for content they're not going to consume. Tim Drake: Robin had Tim as a coffee drinker because that's the fanon accepted headcanon. and the resolution of the recent Gotham War arc was for Bruce to buy this new manor for everyone to move in and call him. nevermind that most of these characters have their own homes and have zero reason to be moving in with Bruce. Tim had his marina in Tim Drake: Robin, Dick has Bludhaven, Cass and Steph have their little side of town in Batgirls (2022), and so on. these characters are being forced together as a unit, as one big happy family living together, to appease what non-comic fans want and it's damaging comic relationships. Robin: Knight Terrors saw Jason and Tim team up and working together, which i've seen varying opinions on but i personally despised. their interactions made zero sense for any of their canon history, but it appeases them being this close sibling relationship that fanon acts like they are. also the fears they faced in their respective knight terrors didn't make sense for either character and *only* worked as a moment of bringing them together so they could reassure each other and have this weird dreamscape bonding moment. the canon is bending itself to the will of fanon rather than building on the pre-existing complex relationships. Tim barely even gets along with his most important team in Dark Crisis: Young Justice because it seems the only important relationships the Batfamily can have is with each other. and when we do see them outside of the Batfamily, it only seems to be to relive the glory days like with World's Finest: Teen Titans, instead of developing them as they currently exist. this isn't recent in the comics, it feels like you can trace it back to the New-52, but it does feel a *lot* worse over the recent years. WFA is fine when it exists in its own bubble, but the simple truth is, DC content never exists on its own. the adaptations will reflect back onto the comics. (the damage the Young Justice cartoon has done to some characters should honestly be studied) and so it does frustrate me a bit when fanon-only or adaptation-only fans act like we're being nothing but killjoys for being frustrated with this. since they don't read the comics, they don't see how the comics are suffering as a result of this.

people argue about what's out of character for the comics they don't even read. i'm sorry, but "bad dad Bruce" is consistently canon. that man is just kind of shitty. when you take someone who has the drive he has, who has this need for the Mission first, who needs a teenager in spandex next to him to keep him off the ledge, that guy is sort of going to be a shitty father figure. he just is. not on purpose or with malice, but when you compare him to any other dad in a big DC family, he sure takes the cake. it's why characters like Oliver Queen tend to *really* fucking hate Bruce for how he treats his kids. Bruce loves fiercely, but he doesn't do well with putting that love first. and his love is a controlling one, he is very particular about controlling how others in the Batfamily are "allowed" to operate. it's what drives the wedge between him and Dick, it's why Steph is never a true daughter to him. (besides the reason of her needing to be a love interest to Tim first, anyway-) i've never understood the massive outcry of people reacting to Bruce kinda being shitty in comics they're not reading. there are some moments that get ridiculously OOC with how cartoonishly evil he is (the whole Gotham War arc and that... complicated mess with Jason) but largely if you want sitcom loving nuclear father Bruce, you have to accept that is a fanon thing, not a canon one. the Batfamily being a nuclear family in *general* is fanon. most of the "Batkids" don't actually see Bruce in a particularly fatherly light and begging for moments where he calls them his kids or they call him dad outside of incredibly specific circumstances is just OOC.

it's getting harder and harder to exist peacefully in this fandom it feels like, if you don't comply to the standard fanon has set. i'm happy people are having fun with their blorbos, even if in ways i dislike, but that "harmless fandom fun" does ripple it's way back to canon, eventually. so i end up pretty tangled with my feelings because are fans at fault for DC making these poor decisions? probably not, but it certainly feels like an unfortunate cause-and-effect situation whether at the end of the day, nobody is happy. and of course, i know some fanon-only fans are striving to be more canon accurate and care about canon dynamics more than others, but for them it's always going to be an uphill battle with the above-mentioned out-of-context panels thrown around and ever-pervasive fanon overtaking anything that's truly seeking to be canon compliant. so really, it sometimes feels like we're all losing.

[sysig]

Softly, slowly, I want to love you anyway (Patreon)

[tiny-chubby-bird]

So like a normal person I got kind of curious and looked at the names of the petrified drow so I could try looking for possible name meanings, but I'm no drow expert. I could only look at the Drow Names site and hope for any similarities. These are my best guesses:

Dhourn (Dhaun: infested, plague. Houn: magic, trail, way)

Izwae (izz: hidden, mask, masked. Wae: heir, inheritor, princess)

Moy (May: beautiful, beauty, silver. Mol: blue, storm, thunder, wind. oj: aura, cloak, hide, skin)

Arcagh (word arc: curve, bow. Akor/Alak: beloved, best, first. agh: breaker, destruction, end, omega)

Tecothy (like Timothy? Teb: blade, sharp, sword)

Artimezt (Inspired by Artemis maybe? zt: finder, hunter)

Important to note that some of the similar words/names I found and used here are the feminine versions, and I remember seeing a detailed post somewhere in which someone took Kar'niss' name and tried to translate it, in which they also mentioned what it means if a male drow uses a feminine name version, but I forgot...

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me

oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?

i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had

what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism

but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"

because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison

if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will

i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling

and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?

i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.

but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it

and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself

sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla