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#and so to me it's like. 'ok well why bother'
nvieditz · 3 days
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bad decisions pt 2
alexia x reader
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hey everyone! sorry it took a bit for this to be done (and i apologize for the bit of a cliffhanger but i have the “rest” of this done and will be coming out so i just liked how this ended haha)
warnings: no smut just plot (smut in the next part i promise) 2k+ word count
You get back to Ana’s apartment and it’s quiet and dark. You don’t even bother turning the lights off you  hang up your keys and head to the guest bedroom you’re staying in. 
You hop in the shower quickly before putting on a big t shirt and heading to bed. Out of curiosity you turned on your phone and opened google. 
You searched Fc Barcelona Alexia
The results were… wow.
You found yourself going through the images tab and reading her description. There was an instagram account link. You couldn’t help but click on it. 
Holy 3 million followers.
You basically stalked her whole profile for an embarrassing amount of time, being blown away by all the awards and trophies she’s won. You finally put your phone down when you realized what time it was. You had to stop thinking about her. 
But how could you when that was the best sex you’ve had in a long time. 
The next morning you wake up to noise in the kitchen. Ana must be up and getting ready to go to the gym, she always goes on weekend mornings. 
You have to get some work done so you decide to head to a coffee shop and do some work there. 
You throw on some jeans and a t shirt, grab your laptop and leave your bedroom. 
But what you see in your kitchen is a surprise. 
Ana is making breakfast and one of Alexia’s friends from last night was sitting on one of the stools from the kitchen island. 
“Oh, Hi y/n I didn’t hear you come in last night,” Ana asks, just as shocked as you are. 
Alexia’s friend flashes you an awkward smile. 
“Yeah sorry I got back pretty late,” you respond which adds more awkwardness to the air. “Well, I’m heading out so have fun.” You smile as you grab your house keys and head out. 
You put on your headphones and walk towards the coffee shop you saw that looked cute. 
It was a beautiful day in Barcelona, as always. You were considering moving here since your job is work from home and you’re tired of the rainy weather back home. And, it would help you be farther away from her. 
You reach the coffee shop and order your drink before claiming a small round table and get to work. You’re the social media manager of a new language learning app so your work today was mostly research, looking into new trends and what catches people’s eye. 
But then something catches your eye. 
Or someone. 
Shit. 
There’s Alexia, in line for a coffee, with another one of the girls from last night. 
You try to pretend you didn’t see her and continue work. You focus on your work and the Fletcher song you love playing in your headphones. 
You suddenly see Alexia standing in front of your table holding her coffee. “Mind if I sit here?” she asks. 
You wanted to say no but you didn’t want to be rude. “Sure,” you said as politely as possible without trying to incite anything. 
You try your best to ignore her and continue your work, but you can feel her staring at you. You look up at her from your laptop. 
“Why are you ignoring me?” She asks, clearly annoyed. 
“Because I came here to do my job not chit chat.” you realized you snapped at her a beat too late. Her face flashed with anger. “I’m sorry, I’m just not in the best mood.” you try to salvage the situation.
“No, I mean clearly you couldn’t wait to leave yesterday so I don’t know what happened because according to… you know… you seemed like you had a good time.” she presses. 
You take a deep breath before answering. “I did have a good time,” you pause, “but if I’m being honest, I just wanted a one night thing to distract me from- well it doesn’t matter from what.” you shake off the mopey feeling creeping back up. 
She looks confused. “Ok, I don’t fully understand but I respect your boundaries.” she states but she doesn’t get up.
You look at her just as confused. She finally starts to get up but before she leaves she leans in and whispers, “Oh and you left your strap in my apartment,” she winks. “and your hair looks really good down like that.” she smiles as she walks away. 
You hide the blush her comment made you get by taking a sip of your coffee. You finally get back to work. 
You’re packing up your stuff after a few hours doing some work and your phone dings. 
Thinking it was Ana you pick up your phone immediately. 
[instagram] @alexiaputellas has started following you 
You scoff at your phone. You ignore it and put your phone away. How did she even find your profile anyway? 
You walk out of the coffee shop and head back with the intention to just relax for a few hours and maybe go grab some dinner with Ana. 
Your phone dings again.
[instagram] @alexiaputellas “when do you plan on picking up your things 😉”
You can’t help but smile because clearly she wanted to see you again, very badly. But you still felt like she wanted something more that you didn’t want. 
You ignored the message again for now and headed home with Ana. 
You walk in the door and see Ana sitting on the couch watching tv. 
“Hey,” you say as you kick your shoes off. 
“Hey where’d you go?” she asks.
You set your bag on the counter and head over to sit next to her. “I went to the coffee shop to do some work,” you reply nonchalantly. 
She looks at you for a beat. “Are you ok? You seemed off this morning. And also why were you here this morning weren’t you going home with Alexia?” her voice came off teasing at the sound of Alexia’s name. 
“Yeah I’m fine, I did go home with her but decided it was best not to stay.” you replied trying to end the conversation. 
“Well, what was it?” she asks, “Was she… bad?” she whispered jokingly. 
You laughed softly, “No, she was… great,” you smile. 
“Sooo… what was it?” she asks, clearly genuinely interested. 
You take a beat to think about what to say, “Well, I don’t know. I feel like staying would insinuate that I wanted more than just a one night thing and you know I’m not looking for anything right now, not so soon after.. you know who.” you look down sadly. 
“You can say her name you know… she’s not
voldemort,” Ana laughs, “and I understand, and I’m sorry about the whole thing with Ona this morning, I didn’t mean for it to be awkward.” 
You laugh, “It’s ok. So how was that?” you tease. 
“Really good,” she smiles. “Oh and she asked if we wanted to go to a party she’s having tomorrow?” she slips in quickly. 
“Oh god I don’t know, Alexia’s probably gonna be there isn’t she?” you ask worriedly. The last thing you needed was seeing her again. 
“Oh come on, I don’t want to go by myself and I like her. If you see her you can just ignore her, flirt with another one of her friends, let her know you don’t want anything for sure,” she begs, “Please? for me?” she begs like a small child. 
You think about it for a second, “Fine.” 
Ana practically jumps for joy and kisses your forehead, “Thank you thank you. It’ll be fun I promise,” she runs over to grab her phone, presumably to text Ona and let her know we’re coming. 
You get comfortable on the couch and put on an episode of Modern Family before you and Ana sat on the small table in the kitchen eating some leftover Paella from a few nights ago, still as good as new. 
After eating you decide to go to bed early, needing to catch up on sleep. When you get in bed you open instagram and once again are reminded of Alexia’s message. 
And the fact that you hadn’t followed her back. 
You were too tired to do anything about this—smartly at least. 
You ignored it again for now and went to bed. 
The next morning you wake up dreading this party— and that was an understatement. 
But you had to get up to get some
work done.
You get up and sit yourself on the couch with a cup of coffee. You didn’t bother to change out of your pajamas since you had no meetings today. 
You spent the next few hours designing posts for the company and diving into instagram looking for potential trends for promoting the company more. 
By the time you’ve almost driven yourself mad, your computer is about to die and it’s almost time to clock out. You go to grab your charger but your phone pings. 
You turn around to grab it and see the notification from instagram. 
[Instagram] @alexiaputellas “can’t wait to see you tonight.”
You scoff and ignore the message. You grab your computer charger and plug it into your laptop. 
Your phone dings again. 
[Instagram] @alexiaputellas “you can’t keep ignoring me you know?” 
You smiled at the message and continued to ignore it. 
After a little bit, you finished work and started to get ready since the party was in a few hours. 
You started to realize you feel a little excited to see Alexia. You like the attention. 
And as long as you don’t let it get any further, there’s no harm in a little fun.
You just had to make sure it was just for fun.
You were finishing getting doing your makeuo when you heard Ana get back from work. 
“Hi babe, how are you?” she called from the living room. 
“Good, just getting ready!” you called back. 
You hear her footsteps getting closer to you before she enters the bathroom that you’re in. “Sorry it took me so long to get back we’ll probably be late to the party,” she said. She looked at you and your almost finished makeup, “You look really hot for someone who doesn’t want to go to this party.” 
You laugh as if what she said was ridiculous, “Oh please. I just don’t want to be caught underdressed,” you joked. 
“One thing is not being underdressed and another thing is looking like you want Alexia to fuck you senseless again,” she teases. 
Your face goes red, “When did I say anything about senseless?” you laugh. 
“Oh you don’t have to tell me. I know,” she whispers as she leaves to go get ready. 
You look at yourself in the mirror thinking maybe you are overdressing. 
You decided to wear a red tank top that showed just enough cleavage to not be too showy but not modest. You wore your low rise, black jeans that fit you so well and you know you look really good in them. You decided to add a belly chain to the outfit to make it look even better. You decided to keep your hair down for the night. 
You convinced yourself this hair decision had nothing to do with Alexia’s comment in the coffee shop the other day.
When Ana is done getting ready you order an uber to come pick you up and you wait until it arrives. You grab your bag and your keys and you and Ana head out the door. 
When you’re in the uber you find yourself mindlessly scrolling through instagram and you end up going through the barca femenil squad instagram. 
Just to see who may all be at the party, not to look at pictures of Alexia. 
When you get there you get out of the uber and realize, this is the same building Alexia’s apartment is in. Figures that they live in the same building. 
Unwanted memories of the other night come flooding back. 
You shake off the warm feeling in your body as you walk into the building. 
You can hear music from the entrance and you assume that’s coming from the party. 
You head up the stairs and reach the apartment where the party noise is coming from. Ana knocks on the door a d a few seconds later Ona opens the door. 
“Hi,” she hugs Ana then gestures for both of you to come in, “Come in” she smiles. 
You walk in and in no surprise, most of the women there are all extremely fit and definitely fellow footballers. You spot Alexia in the kitchen talking to someone else. You pretend you didn’t see her as you said hi to the others. 
Ana sits down to where Ona is sitting and Ona offers to grab both of you something to drink. You taker her up on her offer and ask for a rum and coke. 
You sit down on the end of the couch no one seems to be taking up. 
You mindlessly switch from paying attention to the conversations around you and not. You’re happy Ana seems to be having a good time but you’re a little bored. 
That is, before someone sits next to you. 
This woman is FIT. 
Brown hair with dyed blonde highlights and an energy that exuded so much confidence it was intimidating. 
She’s wearing a tight white t shirt and some dark blue pinstripe low rise jeans, with some boxers
peaking above them.  
“Hola,” she says to you, her eyes quickly rake down your body and back up. “I’m Misa, nice to meet you.” 
She extends a hand for you to shake, you smile a little before grabbing her hand and shaking it lightly. “I’m y/n, nice to meet you too.” 
She smiles at you, “So, how do you know Ona?” she asks. 
Not wanting to tell her the full truth, you said, “Oh, Ana’s my best friend,” you gesture toward where they’re sitting. 
“Lovely,” she teases. You can feel her slowly inching closer to you. 
“So, do you play on the barcelona team as well?” you ask her, subconsciously hoping Alexia is watching this conversation, you try to be more into this conversation. 
“No,” she smiles, “I play for Madrid but I’m friends with most of these girls from the Spanish national team. I’m here visiting.” 
Misa was about to say something else,
but you can feel Alexia watching you from your peripheral and something took over you. 
You quickly break the distance between you and Misa and kiss her. You can feel her surprise at first but she slowly deepens the kiss as her hand wanders to your thigh. You break apart from the kiss after what felt like hours. 
“Can I get you another drink?” she asks you softly. 
“Yes please,” you smile. She grabs your empty glass off of the table and heads to the bar to refresh your drink. 
Immediately as she’s gone you feel someone else sit next to you. 
You turn to see Alexia. She looks… mad. But why would she be mad? You guys aren’t together. 
“Hi Alexia,” you say blankly. 
“Hi,” she says flatly, “why have you been ignoring me?” 
“Who says I’m ignoring you?” you snap back. 
“You, right now.” she bites back. “Why are you acting like this? Did I do something?” now she seems worried. 
You sigh and look down for a moment. 
You think about what to say for a moment. 
You put your hand on her thigh. You look at her and your eyes darken. She looks really good and you hadn’t noticed from how much you were trying to pretend she wasn’t there. 
“We can keep doing this,” you point between the two of you, your voice lowers, “if you promise, there are no feelings. This is just for fun. Because I am not ready for a relationship,” You say blatantly. 
She seems a little taken aback at first but then her eyes darken. “Ok,” she pauses for a moment. She leans in to kiss you. It’s a soft kiss but slow. Painfully slow. She pulls away and whispers, “Meet me in my apartment in 30 minutes,” before getting up and heading out the door. 
You realize you don’t remember which apartment is hers. 
Shit. 
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ineed-to-sleep · 18 hours
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Would you guys call me a spoilsport if I said I don't like the "come to brazil" meme and wish ppl would stop talking about partying & beaches & bikinis whenever they try to "compliment" brazilian culture. 👉🏻👈🏻?
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fanfic-she-wrote · 2 days
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Second Chances
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Beetlejuice x Lydia Deetz
Part 1 link
(Contains spoilers for Beetlejuice Beetlejuice⚠️)
Chapter 4
A couple days had passed since Lydia found out about true love’s kiss and unfortunately for her, Astrid couldn’t find anything further on the subject. She even resorted to googling it, but nothing came up except for some old Disney cartoons.
Betelgeuse even noticed something was up. Not only had he caught them in a couple of whispered conversations but also Lydia had been acting different towards him. He thought they were getting pretty close, but the past couple of days she seemed very distant and even a little cranky but only towards him.
So, in an attempt to get back in Lydia’s good graces, he decided he was going to make her a special dinner. As he cooked, he sang and danced around the kitchen while listening to some old Harry Belefonte songs which could be heard throughout the entire house. Luckily for him, Lydia wasn’t home at the moment and wouldn’t be bothered. Astrid on the other hand, was trying to study and found Betelgeuse’s singing very distracting. After about half an hour she couldn’t take it anymore. She closed her notebook and stormed downstairs into the kitchen, pushing the door wide open as she went.
“BJ! What are you doing?” She snapped, suddenly turning off the music.
“Oh hi Astrid! Didn’t know you were home. I’m making you and your mother dinner.” He answered her as he wiped his hands on his “kiss the cook” apron.
“You?” Astrid scoffed raising her eyebrows skeptically.
“What? You think I don’t know how to cook?” Betelgeuse asked turning to face her, feeling slightly offended.
She had to admit it did smell pretty good.
“Why?” She asked peering over his shoulder at the stove trying to see what he was making.
“Well, before I became the guy we all know and love today I was a bachelor and—“ He began, but Astrid interrupted.
“No, I meant why are you cooking us dinner?” She corrected herself.
“Can’t I do something nice for you guys?”
She raised her eyebrows again at him and folded her arms. Betelgeuse sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Ok, Im just trying to get your mom to stop being mad at me.” He admitted. “She’s been acting all weird towards me lately.”
Astrid bit her lip, knowing why he mother had been acting that way. It was because of the whole true love’s kiss thing. She suddenly felt bad for him. He was actually being kind of sweet.
“Anything I can do to help?” She asked unfolding her arms.
Betelgeuse smiled, he hadn’t expected her to offer to help him.
“Well uh, can you dice up this onion for me? You wouldn’t want to see a grown man cry right?” He joked, making a knife appear out of thin air.
Astrid snorted at his joke and took the knife. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. She thought to herself as she quietly chopped the onion as he had asked.
Later, dinner was all ready and the table was set. Betelgeuse paced back and forth nervously waiting for Lydia to return home. He just hoped this worked, if not he didn’t know what would.
Suddenly, he heard the lock click and then the front door open. This was it. He thought heading into the entryway. “Hi, BJ!” She greeted him, unbuttoning her coat.
“Here let me help you with that.” Betelgeuse insisted as he suddenly appeared behind her and helped her slip out of her snow covered coat.
“Oh! Thanks!” She said surprised. Why was he being so nice? She wondered.
“Cmon, got dinner all ready for ya.” He told her, holding his arm out to escort her to the dining room. She eyed him suspiciously, but went along with it anyways.
He took her to the dining room and pulled out a chair for her and Astrid, then eventually sat down himself at the end of the table. “Hope you like it!” He said snapping his fingers making the bowl of pasta hover in the air as though an invisible waiter were serving them. Lydia and Astrid watched as their plates filled with spaghetti and meatballs. She looked down at the plate and examined it for a moment. It looked normal enough. She thought. No worms or other things in it that she could see.
Betelgeuse anxiously waited for her to take a bite first hoping she approved. She took a deep breath as she twisted her fork around the pasta and took a tiny bite. “Well?” He asked somewhat impatiently leaning forward. Even Astrid was started to feel nervous.
“It’s good!” Lydia finally answered nodding her head. He let out a sigh of relief and sat back in his chair. Astrid gave him a thumbs up from across the table making him smile.
They ate quietly enjoying their meal listening to some jazz playing softly in the background. Something about this wasn’t right. It was a little too nice, too normal for Betelgeuse. Lydia just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was up to something. Placing her fork down she turned to face him.
“Why are you being so nice? What do you want?” Lydia asked narrowing her eyes at him.
“Nothing. I just wanted to do something for ya.” He answered her honestly. Astrid stopped eating and looked up at them. She could feel the room suddenly become intense.
“You never do something unless there’s something in it for you. What do you want?” She asked again in a low serious tone.
“Nothing! Honestly babes!” Betelgeuse repeated throwing his hands up.
She shook her head and pushed the plate away. “Don’t lie to me Beetlejuice!” She hissed making him flinch.
“Mom!” Astrid gasped.
“What the fuck is your problem?!” Betelgeuse yelled at her.
“You! It’s always something with you!” She snapped standing up, Betelgeuse following suit.
“It’s not this time! I’m just trying to make you happy.” He insisted.
“Mom…stop!” Astrid said pulling on her mother’s sleeve trying to calm her down.
“You want to make me happy? Leave me alone! Stop trying to marry me! I’m not your true love! I can’t change you back. So just do yourself a favor and go find somebody else to haunt!”
“What?” Betelgeuse stood there dumbfounded, not believing what he just heard. How did she know about that?
Without another word, she left the room, her footsteps could be heard heading up the stairs and slowly fading away as she disappeared into her room.
“BJ…” Astrid began, but he didn’t want to hear it. With a puff of smoke, he was gone too leaving her sitting there alone.
She had to tell him. About the book, about true love’s kiss, everything. If he came back…
(Tag list: @msshadows97 )
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rubberbandballqueen · 2 months
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amatonormativity is crazy bc every so often, my coworkers will gossip abt one of the kids at camp having an obvious crush or whatever, and maybe i just don't get scheduled for enough camp shifts, but i never have ANY idea what the hell they're talking about
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lightbulb-warning · 2 months
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so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently
#ive been running on “two cakes. u aren't BOTHERING people by putting art on their feed they can scroll past it/if they dont they get ”cake“”#and we love “cake”#“cake” is picture on the internet in this case#like okay the contracts and transaction format is a me problem!! i need to get rid of the “utilitarian brain worms” bc they're boring#this is supposed to be a hobby and the “get a good grade in hobby” wolf in the brain is just crying bc that's how they understand the world#the “get a good grade in x” wolf has valid pain but needs to stop controlling my life because they don't need to earn “enough value to live”#ect ect ect#and the life of minmaxxed utility is a life of trying to appeal to a “correct” that doesn't exist yaddi yadda = boring#i love you wolf. also shut up. affectionate. concerned. you get it#ok so we remove tangible purpose from act of experience art because THAT'S not “the point”#because “the point” is the joy killer eccetera ecc#but then what? “here check out this labor of love. i drew this fucker 15 times. no there's no story* there it's just a guy”#*story in this case being an emotional engagement/a situation/a context in which to ponder/other#so it's just a Draw. no further analysis. what do others Get from that?#i know i deeply enjoy art because im a fan of the process of People Making Stuff. i love when there was nothing but now there's something!!!#THAT'S what's it all about!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to me!!!! right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so it stands to reason that creation is purpose enough?? to be experienced???? to be known????????#idk!!#this is a nothing burger of a thought people have always liked picture on the internet stfu maiora there doesn't need to be a reason#this is just the brainworms talking!!! because god forbid “something not have a purpose”??? blegh!!!!!!!!#sounds like unhealthy rationalizing instead of letting things be out of The Fear™!!sounds like depraving urself from joy bc of BRAINWORMS!!!#so like!!!!! picture on the internet doesn't NEED inherent value. creation is enough!! (plus there's the Attachment to Character. also.)#but then why are YOU *points at you* here? gen q!!#i made an image you like and now you are reading my word babble in some tags!!! what's THAT all about???????????#it's INTERESTING!! do you see what im trying to get at??#is it empathy??? person made something other saw something other made- other2other connection???? intrigue????????#.......all this is probably explained in some book or yt essay somewhere. oh well.#in the meantime thank you for your time! we can pretend we were stuck in an elevator together and then i started rambling#i hope you have a great rest of your day thanks for stopping by!! <3#maiora garrulates
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oceanwithouthermoon · 5 months
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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simcardiac-arrested · 2 months
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can we talk about no way back. hi . Hello ! i want to talk about this (-1 HP) drawing (-1 HP) that you've made (-1 HP)(-1 HP)(-1 HP)
Hi. um. what if the cracks started showing
#what if im so used to pushing down my emotions that. um. haha . (sweats)#what if the real me . umm. is soemwhere down there 👇 (bottom of mariana trench)#What if i have eons and eons and eons and eons and eons of pent up anger. is that like. fucked up#what if im a ticking time bomb and i’ve already gone off two or three times but there’s still More? what do i do when just ‘moving on’#isn’t enough? what if i still hurt? what if you apologized and i still hurt and i hurt and i hurt until the end of time#but i can’t show it because well that’s unfair right? that’s stupid and unfair because you said you’d try to be better and i said#that i want to be there to see it. I mean why do i get to be angry and ruin everything that’s just wrong. it’s wrong and i should just stop#and move on like you expect me to. because it’s fine. it doesn’t matter and it really is fine why wouldnt it be#what do you mean i look ‘bothered’ i’m literally fine. i’m not mad and i never think about all the things you’ve said to me. Whaaaat hahaaaa#seriously i’m not mad. well. I mean. it’s still there but i’m not mad. it’s still there somehwere (bottom of mariana trench) but like#it’s not Here and it never will be so like. i’m good. Really. why are you asking what’s the matter#the matter is that we’ve both moved on. okay? I’ve moved on. im moving on. im so moving on im on the other side of the planet already#that’s how moved on i am ok ? We already talked about it once it’s fine. i’m not mad. i’m really really not#can we just go back to telling jokes?#cramswering
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spizgany-lipejs · 7 months
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For some it might be just a red t-shirt but for me this is peak 00s european gay club fashion and you can't take it away from me.
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britneyshakespeare · 3 months
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i was crying in front of a sidewalk tonight and someone in a passing car asked to me through their window "you alright?" honestly didnt even know what they expected
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wilsonthemoose · 11 months
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Teachers who set extremely personal topics for class presentations are the worst.
Analyze yourself according to all the theories we've discussed and present your development to the class.
Excuse?
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blackvahana · 10 days
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I'm (mostly) keeping Purple Orange and Gold out of this because I haven't been working with them recently, but like. You have. Deus Ex Machina in the way of The Organic Is Machine And He Will Change You To Change Reality, you have Death and War and natural disasters, you have the One to Whom Soldiers Are Sacrificed In War. I'm looking at selves like...
The parts of myself I keep hidden are. all parts, because these are all ultimately halves of aspects and if you suppress an aspect you suppress the aspect... but I see the way I bleed into people. I see the Violent Mother, the one who will bleed your body out on her altar and who tears apart the bodies of the enemy to protect her hatchlings. Ive tried to stay human, but ultimately... this flesh, this soul flesh, eats human bodies. This takes human sacrifices. This tears apart countries, this drives people into psychosis, this pours revelation into eyes that either adapt to handle it or go mad, literally.
The whole part of Godhood is that you are what you are and you actively are it, you actively Be it. This - Dei - is the mergence of opposites which is in itself both the unification of opposites and the rending of similarities in one. Creation Through Destruction.
I'm constantly sitting here grasping at the shredded fabrics I have left (they're shrinking over time) of humanity and. guys. shh. the humans don't like this stuff. Guys, I'm not dancing and infecting people, I'm trying so hard to be quiet down here
#Thing is I know it's easier said than done. Next to no one who thinks ''If I show you my true power you'll explode'' is in any way correct#either because they're. like me. paranoid. Or they're completely misunderstanding that the level of ability to handle things in#spiritual places is so widely varied - you can Explode a few people from thoughts alone and then have no effect on anyone else#because if circumstances arise... well. a being can drown in a few inches of water and also resist being stabbed 10 times to#fight you off. if you even get the chance to be physical with them in the first place. But my god#That's what bothers me. I've had Thoughts Explode times and I think I forget what exactly led up to that#The old men haven't wiped entire locations off maps through allowing themselves to be themselves - or more so it's complicated#When God speaks about openings in time and gives you permission to be his guard dog and bite... that doesn't mean biting#toys afterwards is gonna have the same effect. There's entire causation and fate bodies and such that bring us to kill#Sun rays when focused into a laser melt rocks. that doesn't mean the sun can't touch skin without burning through it#This is why gods play chess: it's not a dick measuring contest. It's a who can use that dick better contest#OK thanks Lev for the insight#ramblings //#astral diary //#Astral body //#I just have shit playing on repeat in my mind constantly. I have been the apple fallen from the tree and I have seen the way the tree#impales the sky. When I'm a tree ill understand its a dance and not an impaling
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goldensunset · 14 days
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so we back in the mines (mistralton cave)
#goldie plays pokémon black… 2!!!#finally found an axew with mold breaker#bc i was dumb the first time and left with the first one i saw#like ‘there’s no way to know what ability it’ll have until i check it at the pc but it’ll probably be good!’#i leave and check the pc and of course it’s rivalry instead#go all the way back through route 6 and get into the cave again#stumble around blindly in the dark bc i don’t have flash on any of my mons and i’m not wasting a move slot for it#didn’t bother getting an hm slave#also strength. i have only cleared half the boulders from the last time i was there#same deal i wasn’t gonna teach anyone that move#and then on top of that idk why the encounter rate in there has been so low today#i’m talking like having to walk for ten seconds before getting a single encounter on average#normally that would be a blessing but whew. when i WANT an encounter. smh#found another one and was like hm ok i learned my lesson i’m gonna get a few before i leave bc surely one of them will have mold breaker#right?#found a third one and then it happened. ‘the wild axew breaks the mold!’ on screen#and it occurred to me. ah yes. mold breaker is one of those abilities that is publicly announced whenever the pokémon enters battle#aka i should’ve Known the first two didn’t have it#dumb of me#ah well all’s well that ends well i found one plus she’s a girl so that’s epic and she’s slightly higher leveled than the others#her name is riju
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nomairuins · 25 days
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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skunkes · 10 months
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If you were truly an abandoned project like you say. You wouldn't care so much. Even in your comic you mention you being worse for "the next person" you already are thinking of another person. That's not a bad thing. You're young. And by God you have some fire in you. I hope you become happier with yourself. I hope good things happen to you and the people around you will cheer for it. -💛🦭
thank u... im actually flopping between it rn... though i know i dont have the actual power to decide to be done with it, bc life is full of unexpected events, and i am young, but my line of thinking was, well because it would be so much more of a hassle for a next person, its best to just remove that hassle from the "market" completely lol...
but its out of my hands in either direction. i already wasnt expecting much as just the one time was such a rarity. now its just made the whole ordeal much much more difficult for all parties...aroo...anyway thanks again
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daydadahlias · 1 year
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what’s your thought on minors reading your stories?
hm, that's a good question, and I think one that's far more nuanced/convoluted than people often give it credit for and than I often like to think about.
obviously, I'm more than happy for minors to read my G/T and even M rated fics but when we get into the explicit territory - which I assume is what you're asking about - it can get tricky.
i will say, before I get into this far too long and rambling answer, that as a blanket statement, I would prefer that minors did not engage with explicit material period, including my own. However, it would simply be negligent of me to act like there are not minors who actively consume my content.
For a while there, I had "minors dni" in my bio and I also had 18+ for some time but I eventually took both out because I know it doesn't really dissuade people from interacting; if kids/minors want to look at something, they will look at it. And if they can't find it in certain places, they will without a doubt look for it in others.
it's a sad fact about our current culture that by the age of 12, most children will have actively seen pornography - mostly due to pop up ads online and just the sheer volume of pornographic content that exists in our world. so I am under no disillusion that minors also actively seek it out. I mean, I started reading porn when I was 12. Do I think, realistically, that it was a good thing for my emotional development? Uhm, no I don't! I don't think kids should be reading porn; it vastly skews their perceptions of sex and can negatively impact their relationships with sexuality in their adulthood. That's just a proven fact. So if I had any real say in it, I would say that minors should not be reading/viewing porn period, definitely not before the age of 15. That includes my own.
But, all that to say, I understand that I am an adult posting pornography on a public platform; if minors want to stumble on it, they will. I also know that I have all the necessary warnings and content triggers in place should someone come across my work and, at a certain point, if they continue to view it despite it being marked for mature audiences, that is not On Me as a creator. I cannot control what people choose to view.
I will say that, in terms of sexual content, I know that I am always writing healthy and consensual sexual dynamics between my characters so of the porn that minors could be exposed to, mine is certainly not of the dangerous variety for a minor to be consuming.
Am I fully comfortable with the thought of minors reading my material? No. But I'm not going to make it a habit to police people's interaction with the internet and I'm also not going to go through every single one of my followers and search to see if they're a minor to block them if they are. That doesn't stop kids from seeking things out. Frankly, I think blocking minors would only make them seek out other dangerous sexual content. Sometimes I think that I'd rather minors read my explicit material rather than explicit material that is tagged incorrectly, y'know? I'd rather minors read about actual consensual sex than dub-con or rape disguised as such.
At the end of the day, all I want is for minors to recognize that what they read online is not an accurate articulation of what occurs in real life and do their necessary research to be safe when they actively choose to interact with sex irl. But far be it from me to tell them how they should and should not consume written material, y'know?
I have an obligation as a creator (as I think all creators do) to tag my material properly and trigger warn accordingly because I do know realistically that minors might come across it, but from there it's completely out of my hands on if minors choose to engage with it or not.
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3416 · 11 months
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love this tweet as if we don't have a winning record rn on the backs of our star players and woll actually
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