#and sinks when i say so too
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A Look @ Cola (A Cowtale Ship)
Cola (Combination of Coyote and Illa)
Anxiety bros. But tbf Coy is far more stable than Illa. Their relationship would be rather soothing and the only way it’s happening is if Coy is patient enough to coax it out of Illa. Since Illa is a motherhen and pretty protective, it comes in handy for dealing with any of Coy’s anxiety and her own, she can try to help him work through his and it’d be much the same in return. There really isn’t any pressure on this relationship aside from Whip. But they’re both big dorks who can be shy at times. Basically an idiot couple. There’s not so much fighting as a lot of crying on Illa’s part, Coy is a bit too patient with her lol They match pretty well in some sense and it can make for a very easy relationship or one with too much hesitation, they could possibly bond. Friendship wise it’s more or less the same but Illa is far more invested in helping Coy come out of his shell comfortably and setting him up to be comfy. A breakup would be...bad. Illa is likely to just try the “stay friends'' routine but it’s doubtful Coy is gonna be down for it. They would likely end up actively avoiding each other because neither of them can adult feelings.
Random HCs
Coy sometimes does her hair, not well but he likes hair and she likes hers being played with. Yes they’ve had to cut her hair out of his hands.
Illa pretty much lives in Coys clothes, particularly his jacket. But that’s his jacket so he pouts.
Is terrified of Fernweh, Coy teases her about it but is also trying to work with her and her fear of birds. She thinks falconry is cool tho, just ten million feet away. Or more. Coy does zefrank style commentary to soothe her nerves.
When frustrated with her, he talks to her in German, she likes to respond in Spanish then it’s a war. It makes pointless arguments a lot easier because no feelings are really hurt and they get to be frustrated and vent before actually, ya know, working it out.
They’ve each picked up a bit of each others languages because both of them forget to elaborate when using a word the other doesn’t. They speak in awful mishmash at times.
Coy is amazingly the more “optimistic” of the two. But the bar is in hell so.
They’re pretty good at managing each others panic attacks. They’ve gotten to the point where they can mostly predict each others and work to mitigate or remove the other from the situation.
Both of them are flirty drunks and together they are idiots who try to outflirt the other. They are 100% the couple that flirts like they aren’t already together.
They sleep in trees a lot. If you can’t find them they are likely up there hiding and fell asleep.
Illa literally thought Whips name was Mi’Lord and Coy decided not to tell her because he thought it was hilarious. To this day he still teases her endlessly about it.
Coy is the little spoon more often than not. Illa calls herself his jetpack and it often leads to piggy backing once they can be bothered to get up.
Illa hates puns but there is nothing more enjoyable to her than seeing Coys exasperation every time she makes one. She makes them as ridiculous as possible on purpose.
Illa has object permanence issues with humans and Coy tends to forget people exist when working. This had led to both of them literally forgetting they are dating for weeks at a time. It amuses everyone around them to no end.
When Illa is being particularly stubborn and without self preservation Coy has a habit of sticking her up in trees so she can’t get down. She has absolutely broken an arm being stubborn about it and trying to climb down.
She wears his magic colors to make him blush. Particularly when its not her outerwear.
Illa is unaware Whip knows Spanish and tends to yell at him in it. Coy knows this and finds it hilarious and refuses to tell her.
She has no sense of direction and gets lost, Coy has to find her quite often and wonders how the hell she got there and how does she not know how she got there?!
Both are colossal dumbasses and therefore try very hard at romance but fail spectacularly. Candle light dinner? Oops the tablecloth is on fire. Get flowers? Oops she’s allergic.
#f/o post#hc#selfshipping#self shipping#headcanons#cowtale#f/o thoughts#f/o positivity#cola#fluffy f/o#so coy is a stalker#and illa is still stupid#this ship sails because i said so#and sinks when i say so too#which is often#undertale au#this ship is lowkey a fav#its too fluffy tho#i need MOAR angst#idiots in love#this ship has so many hcs#like i have two whole docs#send halp
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act 4 :(
@chipper-smol and i came to a realization
#THID FUCKING GAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE#i have more i wanna draw but my hands not working orz.. maybe ill get around to it later idk#i finally FINALLY managed to get inside that star room.. my own clone!! now neither of us will be virgins!!!!#i dont have anything to go off of but when the journal mentions making another 'me' it reminds me of loop saying theyre like a mirror#theyre always able to read siffrins mind without actually reading their mind (or so they say) but maybe it could just be tone matching???#or smth like that.. idk if these two things are connected though so maybe its more like subtext#i hope im not the only one who made the childrens hospital joke when it came around to color lore part 2#im also getting the sinking feeling of watching siffrin toe his way near the deep end like bro is so so close to losing it#i feel like if i knew nothing abt the game beforehand and why siffrin is looping in the first place my feelings abt this would be different#cuz id be pretty angry too if ive been stuck in a loop long enough to feel like everyone around me is pretending nothings wrong#than the fact that i have decided not to disclose im in a time loop and that everyone is living this day for the first time#although i also get hes doing this for a reason and when u believe in the universe i guess it also comes with sunk cost fallacy#'this is the path the universe led me down before i even knew what i wanted so all i can do is double down' THATS THE FATALISM TALKING#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#isat act 4 spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sona#puppysona#friends#chipper#doodles
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guess who finished tlok tonight and immediately had this come to him in a vision!!!!
#i. really like tlok. like a lot#i understand why people dont like it#and i can accept that OBJECTIVELY its not that great#but i had a fantastic time with it#anyways yeah. gay people#tbh. would not call zhu li and varrick normal. most queer straight couple on the planet.#hes a gay man. shes a lesbian. theyre in love. do you get it.#i dont have that many thoughts abt wuko. i really really like it though.#wu is like the webkinz milk cat to me. i need to throw him against a wall really hard.#and of course. korrasami. what is there to even say there#one thing i will say is before watching it i TOTALLY thought asami was a fire bender and also evil#like i kept thinking “yep this is when she turns evil and then theres enemies to lovers” but nope#not a bender or evil and honestly im glad#she totally wouldve been justified in becoming evil though. i sure wouldve#love her.so much#korra too ofc#i have SO MANY more thoughts but im gonna run out of space#last thing i will say is i am a guy who will just always prefer media i can criticize#love atla. but theres nothing there for me to really sink my teeth into or like bitch about#i love it when media is KIND OF BAD and i can RANT ANGRILLY about it#the legend of korra#tlok#legend of korra#korrasami#wuko#zhurrick#korra#asami sato#mako tlok#prince wu
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.
#I also think american exceptionalism and their bizarre cultural one-way street isolation plays a role#i think it's different if you actually see other countries as equals and see that they have female leaders and realise that it's#not going downhill it's not solving everything it's business as usual and it's just another boring fucking politician#and this makes the gender of the candidate LESS (not saying no) issue people obsess about or feel a need to discuss#(e.g. people laying into the appearance of female politicians? certainly misogyny. making jokes about cooking and shoes? definitely too#but I feel like that was more a 'gotta insult these fucking politicians' and gender being one of the targets when people want to do that)#but if you're the US and giant parts of the populace think they're the specialmost extra complicatedest country in this our planetworld#the fact that it works for so many other countries takes a much lower priority#because 'yeah sure a woman can govern a....'checks notes' Fineland and United Kingdom of England or Germanland'#but the US of freedom? we got a red button and what if she's on her period!!?! We are a REAL country!!'#not to mention how deeply entrenched the idea of the US as being CONSTANTLY under attack is and the president as the PROTECTOR#and that protector needs to be daddy of course#i also think the different attitude to leaders plays a role#because a part of misogyny is how much people love to HATE women - to sink their teeth into them and demonise them for every flaw#so any country that has some kind of weird worship of their leaders or sees them as some heroes or extra-class of person*#in my opinion might have a harder time to elect a woman because the moment a woman becomes a candidate#you just have to find the right flaw to go on and on about to make the population absolutely hate her or question her competency#meanwhile the general slack we cut men means they can do whatever but somehow still be compatible with that concept of leadership#(*not just the US ....though a lot of other countries with similar attitudes to their leaders are not standing out as democracies tbh)
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i don’t want to jump the gun, but i think hwang daseul might have just done it again. two episodes in to let free the curse of taekwondo and i am obsessed. more than obsessed. transfixed. this show feels special in a way hwang daseul’s touch only can give, and just using these two episodes to compare to her previous works, i love that i can already spot the continuity in the kinds of stories she tells, the messages she portrays and how she portrays them. she just knows how to let her characters exist in harmful and difficult places and show how their experiences affect them while also just showing them as normal human beings. it is so so easy to overdramatise these kinds of stories that have these difficult topics and have it be so surface level, but she has never done that. instead, she shows how those experiences shape a person and how they go about living in spite of them. all the way from where your eyes linger to now, she gives us characters that are wholly themselves and not just the traumas they have gone through and i just adore that. i can’t remember what i was talking about specifically, but i remember talking about this sentiment and how it actually helps to build empathy in an audience as opposed to just showing a difficult topic at the most surface level bc you think that makes it accessible and easier to understand and hence empathise with. i don’t think that ever works. it’s only when you do what hwang daseul does, when you give us characters we can get to know and fall in love with and care for that you help us to empathise with their experiences. it’s hard to understand the weight and the hardship of experiencing something traumatic, but when something bad happens to someone close to you, a family member or a friend, you understand and feel that pain astronomically more. that’s what hwang daseul manages to do. and more so, she makes you feel that while also seeing these people as people. you get to see them away from the hurt, you see them smile in moments of happiness and you see that too with people you’re close to, and you feel even more how special and important those moments of happiness are.
and that’s why, whenever hwang daseul is at the helm of something, i will be seated from start to end with endless boxes of tissues ready. i can’t wait to see what else this show has in store.
#let free the curse of taekwondo#oh I am so BACK#not to get too personal but god#i have been so tired bc of work#i have literally done so many long days and been so busy and so stressed#and I haven’t vibed with a bl for so long I mean I hear the sunspot was all I cared about for a bit#and im watching jack and joker now but I didn’t know if I had fallen out of love with bl#but what I think it is is i just needed something to really get my teeth into#fluff and silly fun is good I won’t ever knock it I love it I watch it#but when I have so little time I just feel myself getting impatient watching it sometimes bc I can’t sink my teeth into it#like I won’t be at work vibrating bc I know when I get home I’ll get to watch the next episode#this is what I needed#like this makes me feel alive like all my passion is invigorated again and I just feel the rants coming#and that just makes me so happy I can’t even say#I don’t wanna get emo but this show already makes me emo so#I just love being here#I love it
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↠ Tim & Lucy scenes ↳ 5x10 - The List
#chenford#chenfordedit#the rookie#tim x lucy#tim and lucy#therookieedit#lucy x tim#jesuis assez edits: Chenford#jesuis assez edits: Chenford scenes#Tim was so nervous#When they reached their second date.. They were in their element. It was more them as opposed to the fancy setting.#He could breathe with ease. Just be there in the moment with her. They could just be them. Just Tim and Lucy.#He could melt into her the way he always does.#Whether that be in the form of a kiss / hug or a touch of any means.#or even gaze at her intently the way he did here in this scene [ok the whole episode. ] [ok just about every time he looks at her]#Even touching her with his fingertips brushing over her skin \ hearing her voice \ a single look that#communicates what words cannot say is enough to quieten the anxiety.#or the emotional storm raging within Tim. Even for a fleeting moment as they have done so before.#Tim has this way of giving Lucy his full and undivided attention. Listening to her attentively. He takes in every word she says to him#Hanging onto every word and holding a space for those words in the doorways of his mind. and allowing her influence to wash over him.#Because he values her opinion just as much as she values his. So when she expressed a [need] for him to reset his expectations#he switched on instantly to meet that need. He too wants for them to take their time and explore this slowly.#They're on mutual ground with this and maybe it's something Tim didn't realise he wanted until Lucy voiced it.#The way he begins to process what she is wanting from the relationship right now and needing from him#and how it sinks in that he wants that too#I think Tim could've been content to sit in silence with her all night despite the nerves bubbling up inside of him.#Just completely content with beaming at her all night. Content to admire her through tender eyes.
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Sort of a ramble, sort of me just writing my thoughts out while I'm stuck with writer's block, but I keep thinking about how Fulcrum was in stasis for roughly 3 million years??
Like, that's a long time, even for Cybertronians. Not a really long time, not an entire lifespan. But still, it's a large chunk of a normal lifespan just gone. Poof.
One second you're crawling across the pockmarked terrain of an alien planet, surrounded by the sound of gunfire, and the shouting and screaming before and after each earth shuddering impact of another k-con hitting the ground. And then it's quiet. You're not there anymore. You're drifting somewhere between not alive and just asleep. Preserved somewhere in the background of a doomed body, ignored by time and space, still here, but also not.
And then there's sound. Not gunfire. Not shouting or screaming. Not the sounds that'll haunt you till your dying days, your own death sentence pounding in your head. No. Just voices, talking, standing out against a silent, dead world. Wondering. Joking. Bickering. Familiar. Just, not familiar to you. And you're awake. Pulled back from the nothingness you've been frozen in, consciousness tugged forwards with the yank of a fuel pump and the nearness of life.
These two moments are roughly 3 million years apart, but only minutes, maybe even seconds, to him. From a hectic harrowing battlefield, to an old silent graveyard in one blink.
How long did it take to really sink in? I mean, he seems to just roll with it. He doesn't seem particularly bothered. But like, what happened outside of what we see? How did he really feel?
Also, his body aged without him. While his mind preserved itself, freezing him as he was right then, his body was left to weather Clemency for all those years. No wonder it crumbled to dust when he jumped off the world sweeper. It's probably a miracle of some kind that it didn't just fall apart each time someone leaned on him.
And even after they rebuild him, give him a better, newer body. His spark, it's casing, all the irreplaceable core bits that make up their inner bodies, it aged in the time without him. Does he feel it? Does it make his body even more foreign to him?
Then he's also a technician with information that's 3 million years out of date. Lucky him that the scavengers probably weren't working with top of the line material. But still it's gotta be weird when faced with anything brand new, because a lot can change and progress in 3 million years, and now some of the knowledge he once prided himself in is obsolete.
Besides those things, his view of the galaxy, of the war, of their kind, of other kinds, is one of the few things actually pointed out when it comes to him being stuck in the past. So, how often were his old views challenged? Facts of life he held close proved to no longer true? There's 3 million years worth of new science, new beliefs, new words, new terms, new views.
And sure, some of it can be familiar, because they're an ever evolving kind, and they have patterns, core beliefs, repeating behaviors, but a lot of it's gonna be unfamiliar at the same time, because it's 3 million years worth of catch up, it's not like missing last week's trend.
In a way, it makes him a living relic of a bygone era for Decepticons. It would've been really interesting to have had that explored a little more.
#rq i wanna say i love seeing others thoughts on these if you have them. esp those that have thought about it longer than i lol#like. im still just starting to sink my teeth into the lore and put things together. so your thoughts are much appreciated#sometimes i wish that i could turn these rambles into those really well worded. slightly pretentious. but in a fun way. character metas?#but i dont think i can organize my thoughts that well. so. rambles it is lol#not to say rambling is lesser or smth tho. i love a good ramble. love to read them. i support ramblers#speaking of rambling-#idk why it fascinates me so. but theres just something rlly interesting about fulcrum being somewhat stuck in the past#i think it could've played interestingly into his and kroks dynamic had it been explored more?#like. the past and history play big parts in their lives. krok having studied it. and fulcrum having been fast forwarded thru it#it would've been interesting to see them talk more about it? since logically fulcrum wouldve gone to krok for more of the 3mill year rundow#and its like. krok is shown to be really knowledgeable on not only history. but cultures as well. theres and others.#so certain eras of their own culture would probably be a slight interest of his. esp decepticon ones.#and then theres fulcrum. who pretty much got plucked from the empire era only to land in kroks lap (metaphorically) ((...unless?))#so heres this walking talking piece of history. and a dude that has a sort of passion for history. why not explore it more?#and like. yeah. the ''history'' krok has studied is all mostly shit he lived through. but people study the times they lived through-#-because while they may have lived through it. theirs is only one perspective. a good historian takes into account multiple perspectives#idk where i'm going with this now. smth smth fulcrum relying on krok for future stuff and krok having someone to talk history stuff with#i just. augh. i wanna know what their dynamic is more. what we see in the comics is so back and forth at times#like. they seem to hit it off pretty well. but then fulcrum fucks it up ig by being oblivious and a little too ''i can fix him'' vibey#and his taste in comedy is bad. to say the least. which is apparently grounds for messy divorce#also krok is sometimes cool with selling a whole dude. at least when the dude is their befriended giant killer autobot buddy :/#that is also grounds for divorce. obviously#sorry. this is derailing the more i start thinking about how messy fulkrok could be. like. ough <3#they're a little ''i hate my wife'' coded. but in a greater scav codependent poly way. and it's more krok being annoyed with fulcrum#its like. fulcrum: ''i can fix him bcs i need to feel validated'' vs krok: ''wtf is wrong with this guy?! who does he think he is??''#i think they'd want to pick each other apart intellectually. maybe emotionally. smth smth two officers. both disgraced. and power dynamics#its fun. they're both hypocrites. they'd need couples therapy. its also 4am. shit. ok goodnight
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It's been extremely fun that I've had night terrors where there is definitely something shadowy standing over my bed multiple times this week and typically three or four times a night. But I'm definitely okay lol
#last night when i shook myself awake writhing and almost about to scream i instead said 'hello? is someone here'#and of course there wasnt but i had to go turn on the light and check#then drink some water from the sink so the cold water would clear my mind#and then go back to bed#but ive woken up talking before like saying no repeatedly or crying#or shaking my head especially because i do that in these dreams to wake up#one of the ones last night was particularly bad because i thought i had woken myself up but i hadnt so i dream walked into the bathroom#and the figure was in there too#and then i actually woke up and it was so horrible
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anyone else out here a middle child saddled with eldest daughter responsibilities?
#a bumper sticker that says 'middle-child neglect and eldest-child duties'#i want to believe it started when my older sister moved out but. lets be real. it's always been me.#i am genuinely acting care-giver to my chronically ill younger sister while my dad watches basketball on the couch#and my mom doesnt get out of bed.#like. my mom is pretty sick too and works all day and does most of the housekeeping too#so i dont blame her at all.#i mean i guess my dad works all day but. for real king you can't get up off the couch to support your daughter crying and heaving#no that falls to me. yeah yeah I'll get her a drink and make sure she takes her meds.#what's that? yeah I'll rub her back and run a cloth under the sink and bring her something to eat too.#oh? yes fine I wont take a gummy so i wont sleep because she's in a flare up and needs them more than me#to be clear!! I'm not blaming her either like clearly she feels like shit and she feels guilty all the time#i just. some amount of help from anyone else. or at least maybe. idk A DAY I can rest when i feel like shit#but oh- no- she's coughing up bile again. yep I'll come bring a bucket.
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if you're still not boycotting israeli products, protesting against the genocide, sharing the news, asking for a ceasefire, I am judging you. I know my followers, I know my mutuals. I know the ones who selectively interact with my anime shitposts and ignore the ones about palestine. I am seeing you and I am judging you. I won't call you out on your bullshit personally, because if you can still ignore this humanitarian crisis while being active online and seeing all those posts, you're just not worth trying to reason with. But know that if you still choose to be silent, if you still think this issue is too political or complicated you're an ignorant, pathetic little bitch. you can't live without your starbucks? grow the fuck up. you think celebrities don't owe anyone their support and it is okay for them to stay quiet when it's the brown, the muslim who suffers? you're fucking delusional and you're pathetic. you think you get to turn a blind eye because it's not effecting you? you're a self-centered whiney little toddler. stay in your bubble and keep quiet all you want, i know you will lie to your kids one day and tell them you stood with palestine.
none of us are free until all of us are. free palestine 🇵🇸
#the biggest dumbfuck arguement i've seen esp from turkish media was 'well there are other genocides going on too 🤓'#and i think that's like the lowest you can sink#trying to use other ppl's suffering to promote the idea that any act done against genocide is in vain bc ppl always suffer and always will#like how fucking out of touch with reality do you have to be to think that's a valid point#yes many people are suffering#when we say free palestine we mean free the opressed. anywhere in the world#my heart cries for uyghurs. for sudan. for congo. for yemen. every single nation that's being massacred#the reason we put so much emphasis on palestine right now is that if we dont their freedom will be lost very very soon#this is not to say i'm prioritizing one nation's liberation above another#just the reality that if we dont speak up right now it might be too late#they are literally waiting for us to stop talking about it#to forget and get used to it#that's why its so important#all of them are. but if you're using the others to justify your apathy you're a disgusting person#freepalestine#free palestine#free gaza#boycott starbucks#boycott israel#boycott mcdonalds#boycott disney#boycott zara
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sometimes college students blow my mind because it’s just like. aren’t we all adults? aren’t we like fully grown people?
why are you leaving the communal spaces an absolute disaster??? i’m sure you have learned basic decency and cleaning skills, no? do i need to teach you how to hold a broom?
#someone poured something absolutely rank down the sink and clogged it and just. fucking left it there. for days.#like i’m so serious when i say that if you are grown enough to get wasted on the weekends you’re grown enough to clean up your shit#idk like people keep leaving their messes like they’re expecting a maid to pick up after them and it’s pissing me tf off#also who tf doesn’t flush the toilet after they’re done??? why does that keep happening???#that’s such an easy thing to do?????#and someone left all of their dirty dishes on the sink counter for literally weeks#i think they’re still there tbh#well also there’s a klepto on my floor too#but that’s a separate issue#college
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oh how I worry about you sometimes honey
#it's way way too easy to lose yourself in trying to control your intake. control the way your body looks#and asmo has a history of even hiding “undesirable” emotions.#+ well. the cookie chat??? that one made my heart sink outright#what im saying is that he is under so much risk when putting his perfectionism and modeling/dieting culture together#i am WATCHING YOU YOUNG MAN!!!!!😾#obey me asmodeus#obey me asmo
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(。・ω・。)ノ♡
#Alright I got tragically interrupted while watching it but I'm finally finished watching the episode!!#It's really really good both the animation and drawings are very detailed compared to the rest of the anime but...#The pace is so off :((( Like it's not the end of the world but ugh. It's unfortunate...#So many things just don't hit off as deeply because everything is moving so fast all the time and there's no time to process anything.#They won't allow you one second for the last line of a scene to sink in that the next scene's ost is already playing.#And like it's not even the worst crime an anime can commit I guess but still...#I wish they didn't. Like rather than make a 13 episodes season and squeeze the Sky Casino arc in merely two episodes it would have been–#a lot better to finish the season at the previous episode and make 12 episodes out of everything (so that everything could be better paced)#Like yeah maybe it's not the best season ending that there can be but... It's not terrible either‚ you have Atsushi saying the line–#“there's still hope” and the season ending there‚ that's pretty cool#I don't know why everyone feels like they have to rush all the time.#Guys do I have to be the one to remind you you make more money if more season come out.#Like how can the knowledge of Sigma being made by the book have any kind of impact when we've only known him for ten minutes.#Teruko's looking mad AND looking cutesy AND blowing up the landing zone didn't have the same comedic effect they did in the manga because..#It just happened all together! There's no time to process anything. Or maybe I'm just slow idk but I mean YOU GOTTA–#MAKE TIME FOR THE OPENING AND ENDING IN THE EPISODE c'mon man#Sorry I'm complaining it's actually good. I really really love Teruko & Tachihara. Jouno too!!!#I liked the Tahihara spotlight this episode... It's so cute to see what he's like when he's not acting– well‚ not completely I guess#Mmmmhhh.#Yesterday I read an interesting post on how a lot of early dc/mk wouldn't work today because the technology of the world has changed SO muc#I think a similar reflection can be made for the doa terrorist plot. Countries are pushing towards a complete digital money transition.#In 50 years or so coins may not be circulating anymore and today already the impact of this terrorist plot would be a lot smaller–#compared to when the chapters were coming out. I think#Well. Nice episode! Forward to next week! If tomorrow's manga chapter hasn't killed me before that#random rambles
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trying to figure out where I wanna take how I draw and render through accepting who I am as an artist in terms of preferences and skill. Tired of aiming for something so far out of reach and forcing myself to conform. I’m not aiming for a studio job anymore so why should I keep forcing myself through the agony of working tirelessly towards “industry quality” when 1) that word no longer means anything in a world where PS1-style and pixel art games can reign king and 2) again, what industry am I even part of?
but I think it’s still hard to let go because I thought I wanted this for a long time. Tbh sometimes I still do, and I guess I genuinely did want to be That for years. But I changed, the world’s changed. My tastes have changed and so has my outlook on how I want to handle my art.
I struggle to create because I keep trying to be someone I’m not. The fun is taken out of the process and I set myself up for disappointment. Idk.
#ugh I hate how this sound so ‘I’m 14 and this is deep’ over a hobby but like#idk. it’s not really just a hobby and it wasn’t always just a hobby#I think when it hit me in the middle of college that I didn’t want to do art as a day job anymore really like. shifted something in me#negatively and I’m still recovering from being a wandering soul that’s unsure of what to do#reconciliation isn’t a linear journey and ugh that sucks but it is what it is#like. idk. the other day I saw a tweet that was like ‘how do you tell an art major that spent years of their life and thousands in debt that#their portfolio still needs 3 years of work’ and it really just confirmed something to me??#I always feel bad that I didn’t draw as much as I ‘should have’ in college to make up for the fact that#it was an information design course and not a dedicated illustration/viscom program but#there was no way I would’ve had the energy. or the drive. I just didn’t.#2nd year college I stopped carrying a sketchbook around and stopped sketching even for fun#it’s just. idk.#and I keep saying I’m getting better abt this stuff but I think it’s only right now that like#it’s sinking in that I’m doing better bc this time it feels like there’s some real acceptance happening#esp as I finally get to sit down and play around with doing something diff in terms of how ‘me’ it feels too
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if you genuinely excuse ipad parenting by saying 'people have to work long hours and are tired when they get home so its not their fault' id like to direct your gaze to the entire human history worth of single parents, poor parents, parents working strenuous jobs, etc, who existed before ipads
#like sorry but genuinely? do you think overwork is a modern invention?#you know what my parents did when they were tired and still had a me and my brother to entertain? pencil and paper.#sink with soapy water and some cups. cereal boxes and glue. upside down pots and wooden spoon#my moms standby answer to 'im bored' was 'go dig with a stick' and i WOULD#im not saying we never got like. tv time but it was really rare i wont lie and they were particular about#what we could watch/what channels theyd pay for cable so it was still educational or smth not just colourful shapes or w/e cocomelon is#sorry. ipad parenting is so insane to me how are you justifying it by saying ipads are cheaper than childcare (true) when crayons are too
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who remembers when I posted a few days ago that my apartment would be done soon? a brief update there's more to do and I'm gonna throw myself out a fucking window
#The kitchen sink drains too slowly. The building says it's my plumber's fault and my plumber says it's the building#The building handyman is gonna re-do the plumbing but not until next Tuesday#I was so hoping to at least have the opportunity to sleep at the apartment for a few days this weekend and next week#I hate my commute to work and I thought maybe it would finally be over and now it's getting snatched away again#I'm so tired of this and I'm wishing I got an apartment that wasn't a fixer-upper#And I know that's a temporary thought bc it's gonna be so perfect when it's done BUT IT'S BEEN A YEAR WHEN WILL IT BE DONE#IT'S A 300 SQUARE FOOT STUDIO IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS DIFFICULT TO RENOVATE#FIIUUUUUUUUCK
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